#but then i got sucked down a rabbit hole and its like a need to know more

[thetrashthatsmilesback]

IMO genealogy sites shouldn't be allowed to charge you for access to view their documents. Want to charge for dna kits? obviously that's fine, but charging just to look at a document? not even the analysis, if you want to put your identification shit behind a paywall go nuts idgaf, but just viewing documents which belonged to my own family is behind a paywall? bullshit

[omnomnomdomcaps]

White Rabbit (Remastered)

Another story from before my Great Purge, this one featuring the wonderful work of @babyfluffybutt. Be sure to follow and support her awesome content!

Allie looked up in her egg hunt attire Card-suits and checkers adorning her frock, A bow in her hair and a thick-crinkled bottom, And bunny-ears hanging she swore she'd heard talk. 

Daddy spoke up, "Remember the rules now, "Five in the basket, and I'll give you a change." Allie first smiled as she tried to acknowledge, But as brain worked to process, well, something felt strange. 

“The tapes that you gave me…” she started to mumble, And tried to remember what she heard on the way. Three hours’ ride to his house in the country, And it was all such a blank, she asked, “what’d they say?"

Daddy - he chuckled, and paused for a moment "You're in for adventure - I'll leave it at that." He patted her head and he kissed the Red Princess And gave her a wink as he tipped her his hat.

Finding the first egg was pleasant and simple On the ground by a bush where she’d happened by chance But as Allie looked up from this one step completed, She departed the egg-hunt and entered a trance.

A flashback - the first time out here in the courtyard When Daddy's estate was like nothing she'd seen She'd known right away that these fields were majestic The one difference being - back then, they were green. 

She couldn't quite tell if her eyes were deceiving: Kaleidoscope purple, blue, yellow, and red. They found the girl slowing and drooling and dizzy Joining the chorus of swirls in her head.

Allie came to, but not halfway as focused And the next rainbow egg was much harder to get When she finally found and bent down to retrieve it, A jarring sensation - bum heavy and wet. 

“You’ve be-puddled yourself!” came the voice of the rabbit, And Allie's face reddened with cheeks in a puff. “You thought that you wouldn’t need diapers this journey, And now you should wonder if one is enough!"

“Nuh uh!” she harrumphed, crossing arms in denial, As girls of her sort are just so wont to do, She’d never been one to quite master the potty, But being so wet and clueless was certainly new. 

The rabbit teased on as their journey continued. The princess, for her part, continued to slip. And by the time that she added one more to the basket, Her childish denials had started to flip.   

"That's three we've got total," the rabbit reported, "If five is our target, how many to go?" But Allie just giggled as her cheek met her finger, Grinned, "I'm just a baby, sir! How would I know?" 

Hours would pass, and the fourth egg eluded, And twilight’s temptation was casting its spell. Tossing basket aside, the girl started yawning, And with a plop and a squish to her bottom she fell.

Her thumb joined her mouth and she sucked without thinking And giggled at shapes that she made with her toes. Daddy came out - it was near time for dinner - And caught her attention by booping her nose.

A week after Easter, effects still persisted. The mind alterations had taken their toll. Eyes followed Allie as she waddled ‘round daily Filling her diapers with zero control. 

And though it seemed scary she barely could focus, Got mixed up when counting, and struggled with text, She licked lips looking back at her Wonderland journey, And dreamt when she’d go down the rabbit-hole next.

[descendantsramblings]

Family Lines

"Hi i wanna request about Uliana. Like reader is Bridget older sister and one day she visited Bridget because it was family day and their parents cant visit Bridget so Reader is the one visiting her instead and when uliana first saw her she immediately fall in love to reader and start being nice to Bridget so she could get more info about reader" - requested by @gayforfemaledancers

Uliana X Hearts! Reader

Pronouns Used: She/her/hers

Summary: Family Day sparks a new found thought process in a particular sea witch, making her change her ways for even those she despises the most.

Warnings: Bridget and the reader's parents kinda suck, honestly I made a lot of the parents suck, it is what it is. Hades finds Uliana's crushing annoying, Uliana is so obviously insecure.

Word Count: 2.6k words

    For most, Family day would be exciting. Royals were bubbling about the campus, fae holding their wands and testing spells in hopes of being the first to please. Desperate for an ever craved praise, the day offering the perfect chance to get the rare reward. For Bridget Hearts, it was bittersweet. As always her parents, ever busy with the ways of wonder, couldn’t make it to see her. Instead, sending her still homeschooled elder sister through the rabbit hole to accompany her. Of course, Bridget would take any chance to see the girl, she was pretty much the only thing in her life that resembled a friend until Ella came along. But that didn’t make her any less upset when she got the news, just once she wished family day could actually be family day for her. She just wanted to resemble the other royals, like Charming and his perfect crowned prince life. Maybe if she had that, she’d get other attention easier too. 

    Regardless, the pink haired girl couldn’t find it in her to care anymore as she saw a familiar face waiting out in the courtyard of Merlin Academy. Barreling towards the slightly older girl and throwing herself into the familiar embrace that awaits her. “Bridge!” “(Y/n/n)!” The squeals are followed with giggles as the younger girl is spun around. “God, Wonderland is so awful without you. It’s so unfair that you’re all the way out here, the castle is far too quiet. I miss hearing your awful music taste through the walls.” Her words are lovingly mumbled into the her sister's hair, firm grip holding the girl close. The bubbly girl’s feet find the ground again, the two finally releasing each other from the nearly painfully tight embrace. “I miss you so much more! I wish you could come out here with me. I really only have one person to talk to.” (Y/n)’s lip finds its way between her teeth, a softness finding its way into her gaze. “Well then,” she dusts off Bridget’s shoulders, adjusting one of her necklaces as she speaks “You best get to introducing me to them. I need to know who takes care of you when I can’t.” 

     A pale hand encases (Y/n)’s as Bridget drags her to the courtyard exit she’d just come through. A nervous girl with blue hair and a patchwork pair of overalls waits for her there, seeming to smile as she sees the excitable princess bound up to her, sister in tow. “Ella, I want you to meet my favorite person from back home!” 

    Family day was not a fan favorite for the VKs either. Their parents were all too withdrawn to care or too stuck up to act like seeing their child mattered. No reason to be down in the courtyard if they were just going to be disappointed.Instead the group sat hulled up in Uliana’s dorm, playing a half-hearted game of black jack. Unluckily for them, her room overlooked the function, the noise of excitable families floating up into their space. She stares out the window, watching the way they all pranced around the grounds. Cards being abandoned as she moves closer, looking out as if willing something to happen. Hand in hand or arm in arm, spells flying through the air and praise following quick behind them. It was sickening, the way heroes loved their kids could make your teeth rot. So full of sweetness and sugar that one taste could bring a ting of green to your skin. Yet, she couldn’t peel her eyes away. Her mother had always shown up for family day before Ursula graduated, Morgana tucked in tow. Where was she now? Shouldn’t she be here for her too? Perhaps fair treatment of her children was too much to ask for. Everything else that Uliana wanted seemed to be. 

    Dark eyes lock on a head of vibrant pink hair, watching her bounce up and down excitedly as she gestures between Ella and someone. Uliana was sure she’d never seen the girl on Bridget’s side before. She was so regal, perfect posture despite the way that Uliana could see her bouncing on her heels. Her movements were too graceful, sliding smooth as silk as she leaned in to hug Ella. The girl was something straight out of a painting and the sea witch couldn't tear herself away. Something about the fact that she was touching the blue haired peasant girl, talking to her as if she wasn’t clearly above her, made Uliana feel wrong. It wasn’t quite sick, it was more so, angry? Sad? No she’d felt this before, she was without a shadow of a doubt, jealous. And over what? Who was that and why did she already seem to have a sense of control over her? That is not how things are supposed to happen to her. Why would she waste time with someone like Ella anyway? A sea of royals and villains so much better than the girl were around her. Uliana should go down there, show her that there was better people for her to look to.

    “Come here!” It’s not a demand to anyone in particular, just whoever will listen. Hook and Morgie appear to her sides in an instant, both leaning over her shoulder to look out the window with her. “Right,” Hook seems to sing the words, turning to her with his eyes rolling in their sockets, “Why exactly?” “Who is that with Bridget? I’ve never seen her before in my life.” Both boys single her out in the crowd, something about her seemed more like she was one of the queens there than someone their age. Too poised, too put together, it was enchanting. Morgie guessed she could be both, maybe something happened to Bridget’s parents and she was already queen. He never really took the time to ask, not like Bridget would give him a reason to. He wasn't exactly supposed to speak to her. Uliana snaps in their faces as she notices the way the boys stare, both seeming a touch too engrossed in the new face of the courtyard.  “I asked you who she was, not if you’d drool over her.” 

    “Well, Uli,” Hades passes a flame between his hands as if throwing around the idea he was voicing, “If you’ve never seen her before, and it’s family day, one may be led to assume that she’s part of Bridget’s family.” His comment earns a chuckle from the pixie beside him. Ulina turns around, eyeing the god in distaste. Family? Someone that effortless related to such a try hard? It seemed nearly far-fetched. “Family? You didn’t even see her, there’s no way.” “No she has to be!” Morgie’s excitable voice sounds in her ear as he turns away from her window. “Bridget told Ella in Alchemy yesterday that her older sister was the only one coming to see her for family day. Said she was her best friend, it’s kinda sweet.” He notices the looks of the room, quickly tacking on a, “If it wasn’t so pathetic. Poor thing has no friends to the point her sister must be the only one forced to talk to her.” 

    Hook swings by the duo, falling back into his seat beside Maleficent, “Tough chance, Uli. No way that gumdrop’s sister gives you so much as a taste of her attention. Pity too, the lass is a stunner.” “No!” Her voice rings out before she can stop it, grabbing the room’s attention. “I mean, I always get what I want, Prissy Pink’s sister should be no different. I could just convince her we’re friends and then she’d have no reason not to want me around. How could she?” Hades snickers, eyeing the sea witch over, “You, being around her by choice? You can’t stand Bridget.” Uliana lets out a slow breath, “It’s not like I’m actually going to be her friend. I just need to be able to fake it.”

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      If Bridget dared to look into her looking glass, she might’ve seen this coming. But the darling girl, ever excitable for surprises, was knocked speechless as the sea witch placed a batch of cupcakes iced in a near ghoulish green on the table before her. “Bridget,” her name came out in a slow drawn, forced coo as Uliana sat across from her, “How are you?” She smiles politely, looking to Ella who seemed just as confused as she was. “I’m good,” she nods curtly, attempting to keep a calm composure, “What’s this?” It causes her to sigh, Bridget was always trying to be friends with everyone; why would she seem so on edge about Uliana when she constantly tried to approach her? Maybe it was because Uliana had the upper hand? Surely it wasn’t that her rose colored glasses had slipped enough to see the true intentions of the witch in front of her. As far as she knew, Bridget’s rose colored glasses were more like contact lenses, suctioned to her eyes and internalized. But, this little charade might just be a harder game than she initially thought. 

   “Well,” she tilts her head to the side, breathing out a slow breath, “I just realized how unfair I’ve been. I mean, I’m in my dorm pouting because my mother is being so unfair to me but treating you so cruel. It’s a little more villainous than I thought I had in me.” To her shock, Bridget takes her hand, a gentle look of near pity written on her face. Everything in her screams to rip her hand away from the walking, talking piece of bubblegum, maybe a girl isn't worth it if she had to act like this. But as she thought that, she thought of the girl from before, the way she hugged Ella, and it made her feel sick. No, she was definitely worth it, even if just to learn her name. She had to know something about her.

    “Oh, Uli,” Bridget coos, “Your mom didn’t show for you either?” Uliana shakes her head, forcing what she hoped was a convincingly saddened look. “No, she's too wrapped up in Ursula to ever realize I exist. I’m sure you understand, right? With your parents not showing up either and all. Too engrossed in your sister, aren’t they?” Pink hair whips around as Bridget shakes her head, “Oh goodness, Uli, I never imagined she’d be like that. I’m so sorry. (Y/n) is the only one who showed up for me, I guess I lucked up in the sister department, she always shows up for me.” 

    (Y/n), it suited her. Perfect for such a stunning face, such a royal physique. It was like taking her first hit. Now that she knew something about the princess, she wanted more. “Oh,” she cuts her eyes up at the pink haired girl, “Is that who that was with you today? I was wondering why I’d never seen the girl around before. Someone like that? You’d be sure to notice her around here.” Bridget laughs and for a moment, as her mind is too wrapped up in the thoughts of someone else, Uliana almost finds the sound attractive. Maybe (Y/n)’s laugh would sound like her sister’s does? No, surely it was better. Everything about her had to be better, no way it wasn't. “Yeah, that’s her. She’s too busy being homeschooled back in Wonderland. She’s meant to take the throne in three years so my parents are absolutely set on having her learn how to be the perfect queen. Her classes are longer than ours. It’s ridiculous.” Homeschooled in Wonderland. So what? She wouldn’t see the girl again until next Family day? She couldn’t stomach it. 

    “Did she,” her voice is unsteady, Uliana taking a deep breath before trying again, “Did she head back to Wonderland already? I mean you must miss her so dearly.” “She’s off picking up dinner for us. She’s not going home until Sunday, lied to our parents so she could see me longer.” Bridget hums, taking a cupcake off the tray in front of her. So she had time. That’s all that Uliana needed to know, if it was up to her, Wonderland’s next queen would be wrapped around the tentacle of a sea witch.

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     Turns out, she decided that wasn't all she needed to know. Each time she thought she was ready to approach the heiress she'd panic, swearing she just needed to know a little bit more about her. The next few days were absolute torture for her. Pretending to be friends with Bridget was exhausting. No girl should have that much sunshine in her. It was too bright and cheery around Bridget, Uliana was sure the gleam that came off of her was damaging her eyes. But it was working. Bridget had let the girl’s favorites slip out at every question she asked. Her own family line being too naive to know she was ratting out Wonderland’s heiress’ deepest wants. It made it easy to make herself someone the girl could want. The princess was like a dog, drawn to treats. 

     A batch of cupcakes leading to her learning the girl was homeschooled in Wonderland. Holding the door open for the two led to Bridget indirectly telling Uliana that her sister was single as she teased her about finding someone. A batch of cookies was the perfect bribe to find out what the princess did for fun and what her favorite food was. A lollipop led to her learning that the object of her affection was into girls at all, something that made Uliana's chest feel a little lighter. Each little thing that Uliana gave the girl seemed to work like a truth gummy despite not having any of the truth serum in them at all. Bridget was just that easy, all it took was giving her the same treatment she gave others to get exactly what you wanted from her. And if she was honest, somewhere deep in her chest, that realization almost made Uliana feel bad. Of course, she was still an obnoxious bubbly fool to the sea witch but something about it nearly reflected Uliana back at herself. The royal family line was surely just getting to her. No way she could actually be growing to like someone with so much, pep.

    “Come on Mali, just one more batch of cupcakes and I’ll leave you alone.” Uliana was begging. Surely she had gotten enough information to ask (Y/n) out already. All of the Vks felt as if they knew the girl despite Uliana being the only one who ever met her.  “Uliana, just ask her out. You don’t need to keep buttering up her sister. She leaves the day after tomorrow. You ask her out or run out of time. No more cupcakes.” She huffs, throwing her arms out in frustration. “You’re being ridiculous. She obviously is going to say no, she hasn’t seen me be sweet enough to her gumdrop little sister yet. She's about to be queen, no way she's naive enough to trust a stranger.” 

    Hades chuckles, looking over the girl who was nearly throwing a tantrum in the middle of his girlfriend’s dorm room. “At this point I can’t tell who’s manipulating who. I mean, I thought you were manipulating Bridget to get what you wanted but,” he waves a hand over her with a chuckle, “Seems your new little royal crush is manipulating you without even having to try. Look at you, acting like a hero to impress her.” She snaps her head over to look at him, glaring daggers, “I am not acting like a hero.” He leans forward, smirk playing across his face with a brow quirked as if he was challenging her, “You’re right. You’re not acting like a hero, you’re acting like Bridget.” It makes her face fall, Uliana staring at the boy as if he’d just set her on fire. “I am not acting like that, try hard, goody-two-shoes princess. Don’t you dare say that.” “Oh really? Because you sure are toting treats around in hopes of having someone pay attention to you. Is that not what Princess does?” He quirks his head like a dog, watching as something seems to snap in his friend. 

    “You know what? I don’t need cupcakes. I’m a villain, I’m scary. If I want something, I take it! And when I can’t I break it so no one else will want it! I can do this my own way, no help from you.” Uliana storms out the room, tentacle snapping behind her to slam Maleficent’s door closed. The couple in the room share a look before erupting into laughter. “Did you see her face?” “God, she looked ridiculous. Twenty bucks says that she goes to Morgie to get cupcakes because you wouldn’t do it.” Maleficent looks at him with a playful smirk and adoring eyes, “Oh she so is. No doubt about it.”

[weebsinstash]

consider; multiverse shenanigans with a spider!reader where they make some offhand comment about how their heat/rut is coming up soon and they'll need some volunteers to cover patrols while they're down and half the society is like 'o damn that sucks, yeah i can swing a tuesday' and the other half is like 'your WHAT is coming up???'

and it turns out that a decent chunk of the multiverse has no idea what a/b/o orientations even are and it somehow just got totally lost in translation until that very second that this was a thing. what do you mean omega???? what the fuck do you mean you just thought i was a really boring smelling beta?????????? y'all motherfuckers are SNIFFING PEOPLE?!?!?!?!

now consider a miguel that is not from an a/b/o verse hearing about this and doing a little research to figure out exactly what a heat/rut is and just getting sucked down a rabbit hole and going feral for the idea that you're going to be in a highly suggestible and vulnerable state for nearly a WEEK and he's going to miss it!!! he didn't get invited!!!! what the fuck!!! the man spends a solid 48 hrs immersed in really bad multiversal porn and comes out the other end hungover and weeping that he nearly missed out on this

so he takes it upon himself to do a little rearranging, some scheduling, some scheming, and lo and behold you find yourself stuck in this crappy half-built nest in nueva york with miguel, who has no real idea how he's supposed to actually perform for you while ur like this and is just making it up as he goes- and totally ignoring the cultural and consent issues he's digging up doing this bc its biology right? so its fine? people in ur universe do this all the time, he has no idea why ur complaining just let him help u out jeez-

Some rando Spiderperson intending to be transphobic: --and they want us to accept everyone as whatever they say they wanna be now, as if men can get pregnant!

Reader, without skipping a beat: what the actual fuck are you talking about, my father carried me and my siblings for 6 months

Miguel is just starting to know you and is actively trying to learn more about you and one day you just, I dunno, you two do a mission together and he gives you praise and you just look at him with a big smile 😊 and your ass straight up PURRS for a few moments and he's just like 🥺❤️ gatito... ❤️

The man sees you talking to Jess and Peter B one day and O'Hara is watching from a distance because he's, awkward and not sure how to approach you, and suddenly his super hearing can pick up someone in the room talking idly about you, or even explaining ABO stuff to another person. "Yeah, see em over there, holding Peter Bs kid? Those Omega always have nurturing instincts. It's cause they're wired to spit out tons of babies. They're the breeders. They even have natutal pheromones to calm down their mates and friends and children" and suddenly Miguel's ears are burning "youre tellin me my darling might wants lots of little babies running around? Fantastic."

Mexican/Irish and also Catholic Miguel who wants one of those STUPID HUGE families where people have at least 6 kids and it's like "oh a typical Omega pregnancy usually has at least two or three babies in one go and theyre shorter than normal human pregnancies huh? Interesting :)"

Some members of the Spider Society are like "why is Miguel kind of lowkey being a dick to me all the time now" oh well its very simple you see, Miguel read your file and found out you're an Alpha and you share this weird connection and also natural biological attraction to HIS lil honeybee and He Hates You Now. Fuck off out his house and don't let him see you talking to his baby or else

He gets really close to you one day, I mean like physically, or hey maybe emotionally too, and he's hugging you and he gets a whiff of your scent and it's something he can't even describe, something that has a carnal biological effect on his where he just wants to keep holding you and hearing your voice like a drug, like it's oxytocin on crack, and suddenly in true scientist fashion he's researching you, your universe, its history, its medicine, its culture.

Can't help but imagine a Miguel who goes full yandere and gives no fucks about doing what he wants for darling and splices his DNA with Alpha DNA so he can officially claim you as a mate, scenting, knotting, and everything. Lyla gives you instructions to meet him in a specific place and it turns out he's been experimenting on himself and he's deep in a rut and suddenly your knees are getting pushed into your chest and you're getting passionately knotted and filled up by a grunting growling purring Miguel who's leaving love bites and kisses all over your skin, just, his size alone would make him hard to get away from, you don't even need to add Alpha instincts and being able to track your pheromones on top of that 😳

Miguel "just let me 'help you as a friend'" O'Hara who tracked when your next heat was going to kick in and maybe even drugged you so it comes at a specific time and he makes it where the two of you are together or even trapped or something when it happens and, here he is, "oh just let me help you, isn't it hurting" but like. We all know it's because he wants to. Like could you even imagine he's, you know, using his fingers and he goes to remove his pants or free himself or whatever and you're just like "no I'll get pregnant" and he just kind of has a Microsoft error window in his brain because it's like. Oh you'll get almost DEFINITELY pregnant? Guaranteed? You're trying to tell the man you dont want to and instead at least internally he's like "promise? 👉👈"

[louiesselfshipramblings]

Secret Level mini-review!!! Because!!!

Not gonna go over EVERY episodes, just the ones I wanted to see.

Dungeons & Dragons: The Queen's Cradle—This was a good start! It was short, maybe a lil TOO short, but it was a nice lil glimpse into the classic fantasy world with fun characters both in design and personality. Hope we see more of them somewhere! Weird a non-video game got in but eh I don't mind.

Unreal Tournament: Xan—This episode led me down a rabbit hole of finding out the Unreal Engine was based on an old game made by pre-Fortnite Epic Games, and it's apparently delisted everywhere? Sucks, but cool it got an episode! I love robot uprisings.

Warhammer 40,000: And They Shall Know No Fear—I know nothing about Warhammer except everything kinda sucks and the giant church mechs. This was a fun episode! There's a simple pleasure in watching a group of guys effortlessly tear through mooks. I suppose I'd get more if I specifically played the Space Marine games, but hey as is I liked it.

PAC-MAN: Circle—Dares to ask the question, what if "Pac" and "Man" were two separate guys? But for real though...I actually liked this one? It's horror, but not over the top, gorey but not for the sake of it. Does it use next to none of the Pac-Man iconography? Yeah. But it kinda works as its own, messed up sorta thing. I wonder if that Shadow Labyrinth game came first, or if the short did. Also, the robot is named Puck! Cause Pac-Man's original name in Japan was Puck-Man but in American they could scratch at the P and make it...ya know...Scott Pilgrim reference.

The Outer Worlds: The Company We Keep—I kept forgetting The Outer Worlds had an episode here...or that the game existed at all. Which is a shame! Sure, I heard mixed things about it, but nice to see Obsidian still making original stuff! Plus that sequel, could be better! For this episode...it was fine. A solid example of tragedy. The ending puzzled me, but in a good way. Coulda felt more connected to the vibes of the game, but def has that humor style in place!

Mega Man: Start—It was alright. Rock and Dr. Light had good VAs. Bomb Man had a cool design. Nice lil easter eggs like the "Dr. W" emblem or the DLN serial numbers, and Rock defeating Bomb Man with an ice power was clever. But MAN...this coulda been so much better if it was longer! It's only like, five minutes! I suppose its good they gave each short a variable time so they had space to tell their story, but I would have loved to see more of this world! The other Robot Masters, Roll, WILY, for god's sake! But that MM2 Wily Castle theme for the credits...oh MAN that's good! Please, make another Mega Man short for season two! Or an animated series in THIS style! Mega Man needs more good animated adaptations after Fully Charged and Ruby-Spears.

Spelunky: Tally—Very cool to see an indie game here, and for one of the OGs! Even if this one takes after the sequel...but still! This one was fun, especially since it seemed to really embrace the idea of being a video game. I'm not super familiar on the Spelunky lore, but the interpretation of the randomly generated caves and the curse that revives them were neat tidbits, and the overall message was very nice! One of the shorter ones, around the same length of the Mega Man and Pac-Man ones, but it's to its benefit. Any longer and it woulda felt dragged out. Honestly, the best way to adapt a rougelike imo.

Concord: Tale of the Implacable—Okay, ya gotta understand I HAD to see this one after Sony's blunder! And, to be honest...this may be the best one between all I've seen??? Like, genuinely!! It's one of the longer ones at around fifteen minutes, and is paced pretty well. Idk if any of these characters show back up in the game, but they were all pretty good for the brief time I saw them? The framing of this being a retold story passed as legend, with an ambiguous fate for the crew was neat and I liked the ending??? I was joking about this episode being so good it might redeem the game, but...well I wouldn't go that far, but damn, this might be my favorite behind the Mega Man and Pac-Man ones??

Playtime: Fulfillment—The last episode, and the only one not based on a specific game, instead being based on PlayStation as a whole. This was a nice closer, tbh! The ending left me a touch confused on what exactly happened, but it was a fun ride, all things considered! Seeing the Helldivers run around and shout about democracy, one of the Colossi from Shadow of the Colossus, Kratos smashing down, and SACKBOY!! I honestly just wish there was more of it! (Or that God of War got its own dedicated episode but that's besides the point). Kinda hope they do this "company" based episode as a season closer for season two, maybe for SEGA or Capcom! That'd be fun!

Overall, a pretty good series! I'd say it's worth my while, plus most of the episodes are under twenty minutes if that, so you could binge it reasonably in a day. Looking forward to that second season. Some sequels would be cool (mainly for Mega Man), but if it has to be only new games...mmmm. God of War, for sure. Mass Effect. Destiny? Donkey Kong, but that's a pipe dream. Nintendo never does cool stuff like that.

[bigfathoe4you]

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Preface:

My zombies are not dead, they are infected with a disease which makes them hungry, they are not decomposing or mindless, they are driven insane by the pain of hunger and the things they’ve done so in a sense they die. They are loosely based on a book called ashes by Ilsa J. Bick, a very good angsty zombie book with very little romance.

This fic is set in the north west of England, to make it plausible for the MC to stumble upon the 141. Being Scottish myself I would love to make the MC Scottish and move the fic to the highlands, but I want some feedback on that.

TW: Death of a friend/sister, skinny reader (she fattens up), a lot of gross descriptions of zombies and death, angst lots, smut in later chapters.

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If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from living 6 years in a zombie apocalypse it’s “waste not, want not.” That was the thought that kept me from gagging at the smell of the jacket that I shook rotten skin off of. Rising I looked down at the skinny, pale ‘woman’ I’d pried it from. had she done the same? How many people have died in this jacket? Would I die in the cold, spend years wandering, Killing others, feeling a deep painful unending hunger?

I looked down at her failing body, before the fall of humanity these jeans would have been 2 sizes too small, the shirt about 3 or 4. I’d lost all shape, hadn’t had a period in years, my skin looked a shade darker thanks to the many layers of dirt that clung to me. I once took pride in my appearance, now my crowning achievement was surviving for this long by myself.

Taking one last sweep of the shop I found a grey eyed boy, looked about 19, his cheeks sagged and the bags under his eyes were bulging, purply red. His pale cheeks were littered with peach fuzz and tear stained, his nose a pudgy red from his quiet sobs. He groaned in pain as he pulled a skinny rat apart, sucking on the small bones. He looked up at me from his crouched position and growled, his primitive brain deciding if he should run with his meal or if he could take me. He twitched his way to his feet dropping the rat at his feet.

Before his skinny legs could take him to me I’d pulled the gun from my waistband and shot a few small holes through his chest. He let out some muffled whimpers as he crumpled to the floor, I followed him to the floor. I had grown to feel very little but when they looked so young it hurt. I stroked his thinning hair and shushed him whilst he hacked up blood and shook.

The trek back to base was long but quiet, the marshy ground of the north west sucked my feet deep into the ground, the ‘suctiony’ sound that emitted from dragging my feet drowned out my own thoughts. As the base came into view my steps hurried, eager to get inside, it was tuesday (possibly) which meant it was my allotted bath day, due to the difficulty of moving the water from the various rain collectors and the calories it cost, I allowed myself a bath every two weeks. 

The hard metal door bit at my reddening fingers as I fumbled with the keys, reminding me I needed to organise them somehow. I huffed at the effort it took to pull the second interior door open and closed, it had been ripped off its hinges and now scratched across the cold linoleum as I dragged it about. When I finally got inside I relocked every door I walked through to get to the innermost rooms of the base. Whilst people were rare- some zombies in the early stages retained the ability to open and close doors. 

I went to the woodburner and warmed the deer from the outdoor freezer. Most livestock like cattle and sheep were almost hunted to extinction by the zombies but some animals like deer and rabbits remained too fast for zombies. But not me and my gun. I cooked the whole leg, I’d refreeze the tougher bits and keep them for on the go.

Whilst the deer cooked I used my pot to boil some water for my bath. It was more of a sponge bath really, getting fully naked and into a slippery tub was inviting trouble. I used some watered down fairy liquid and an old PT (psychical training, yeah I did cadets so I’m qualified to tell you all about it) shirt to scrub at my skin, one limb at a time.

I pulled one leg out of my jeans leaving the boot and jeans scrunched so I could haul them back up if I needed to. And it was a good thing I did as I was picking dirt out of my scabby skinned knee, I heard a scrapping. My blood ran cold and I almost wept at the sound. 

Scrambling to put my jeans and boots back on. With each creak of a door opening and closing and the low raspy voices of men my hands shook more. 

And when I heard the noise that I knew to be the particularly squeezy door to the room I’d claimed as my own, I almost turned the gun on myself. There were at least 2 men and they knew there was a woman living here.

Steeling myself and setting my footing I readied myself in the middle of the room, no hiding the only power I have is I am pointing my gun at the single door to this room.

The kitchen door moved to open easily and a silhouetted figure pulled every shadow from the room and they pooled at this man's feet, he stood easily a foot taller than myself. The imposing figure took up almost the entire doorway. Although there were no shadows, it was only him, he dressed all in black, tactical gear and a dark balaclava covered his entire being. This man may be death itself.

“Fuck off.” A man wriggled around ‘death’ “Nae way!” barreling towards me a man not as tall as ‘Death’ but just as large wrapped strong arms around me.

My plans crumbled and I lost any ability to remain calm or strong were lost to me. “Please! Please there are guns, ammo, food! If you leave me alone I- I’ll tell you where” the words were choked out of me and my sweaty hands shook looking for my gun. 

The man pulled back but I couldn’t see through the tears that blinded me “It’s- It’s me Johnny” the voice and name were familiar. Strong hands snaked up my arms and held me at my shoulders “oh, darlin’ we’d never hurt you” he put a hand on my cheek and slowly brought my eyes to him. I almost gagged on my tears looking at him, my best friend's older brother, I looked at him and saw her. Alex, my other half, our whole lives attached at the hip, her death had hurt more than any of the rest. 

“Oh Johnny, I’m so sorry” his excitement at seeing me faded to the most hollow I’d ever seen a man. We sank to our knees together, forgetting the man in the doorway. I pushed our brows together “It was quick, I did it” I whispered to him, as I saw the small tears slip down his cheek. 

xx

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

Tags:

@audie-writes

[randomfoggytiger]

Since you are so detailed in your analysis and you approach things unbiasedly, I thought I would go to you.

With all the gifs posted of Mulder and Scully it's hard not to take notice of their features and how distinct yet "everyday" they are. One thing that I have started noticing is that they have similar hooded eyes, but different eye shapes. I think everyone knows Gillian's slower blinking eye or the one that seems to have a mind of its own. And then, I started noticing their ears and foreheads. Do they both have detached earlobes? Or, are they considered "attached"? Now I am looking at everybody's ears and noticing, wow, some ears are weird and flat while others hang low and some just seem to be so attached that they don't move at the bottom.

Then, I started noticing their foreheads. Gillian's forehead seems big compared to her size and overall face. There are times when I think she has a "fivehead". That's a joke:) her forehead just seems big, but maybe that could be because of her hairline. Then, I started noticing that some people have flat forehead while others have rounder or squarish foreheads. I swear I need to stop looking at the gifs on tumbler because it's just a vacuum that will suck me until endless hours of analyzing faces.

No matter what, they are still photogenic and pleasant to look at. How lucky it must be to be able to take pictures and not look like a goblin.

Thank you

Foto Goblin

Eyyyyyy, hello fellow Foto Goblin! XDDDD

Never thought to check earlobes, huh. Took a peak: Gillian's are unattached, and David's are attached. (**Correction!**: David's are detached, as well.) Interesting.

I'm going to do an analysis on GA's features sometime in future; but your ask got me cuuuuuurious, so I popped over to give her a look.

Gillian actually has equal thirds facial proportions! Meaning, her top third (forehead to eyebrows) are equal to her middle (eyebrows to nose tip) and lower (nose tip to chin) thirds! I know, I was kind of surprised, too. (Believe it or not, there are equal 31s-- whatever that measurement means-- between each line shown below:)

On a cursory glance, she has close-set, hooded, round eyes. They appear down-turned because their highest point slopes downward and her lower eyelids open lower, showing more whites; but if you draw a line from the inner to the outer corner of her eye, you'll see it's a straight line. (What does this mean in the minutiae? Nothing really: you'd still apply makeup techniques the same as down-turned eyes.) These naturally draw her features down, and could make her appear more tired except she keeps the tail of her eyebrows arched up, which draws our eyes visually upward. Hence, it provides balance.

Y'know how David has an ideal (I'm pretty certain) philtrum? That just means the distance above and below his lip are at ideal ratios, and don't draw too much attention to his lips/nose/chin. Gillian, however, has a short philtrum: meaning, the distance above her lip is shorter and the distance below her lip (to her chin) longer than "ideal"; which, in effect, makes her chin appear longer and more "protruding." And that's at all a bad thing! It just adds to the distinct tapering in her jaw.

She has an irregular hairline-- meaning, it doesn't really have a "pattern" to it, and can appear patchy or etc. in random places (which doesn't mean she's losing hair: just another visual trick.) And she has a low cranial top, meaning the beginning of her hairline to the top of her crown is a short distance. A low cranial top is always recommended to have height to help "elevate" its appearance-- hence, why even her ponytails (usually) have volume at the roots.

That's all I've got for now, anon-- still ingesting information for a future post. But hoped this helped~.

And yeah, I get lost down rabbit holes, too: I have to know what my eye is picking up on. XDDDD

[aghoststorycomic]

A GHOST STORY HAS (NOT) UPDATED!! THE AUTHOR IS DEAD....TIRED.

TODAY’S UPDATE: HERE START THIS CHAPTER: HERE START FROM THE TOP: HERE

first, because of how flighty i've been with updates, i would like to encourage you to use an RSS feed reader and add the "a ghost story" RSS feed to it by clicking "find feeds in page" or "add new feed" and entering www.aghoststorycomic.com/. or dragging and dropping it if you use a different RSS feed reader. rss feeds are how the ancients used to navigate the web and through it they knew when things updated immediately. using an RSS feed has 2 major benefits: 1. you can get updates without having to use any social media or following my social media. 2. you can keep up with the comic when updates get sporadic without having to hopefully remember to check it some day in the future.

second, i do not like to advertise the patreon when i am behind on rewards and have been unable to deliver anything of interest beyond comic pages for a while, but consider throwing a buck a month at me to see pages a month early. that's something.

i realize that webcomics really need reliability to survive, so i'm genuinely so annoyed and so unhappy that i'm in this situation. i toughed it out as long as i could, but this final leg has been the fucking pits. it sucks. effexor is a notorious nightmare of an antidepressant to get off of and boy were they not kidding. i'm down to a quarter pill doses, but my body is rampaging because i'm not dosing it with the norepinephrine treat its become accustomed to. its never so much that i'm like, in acute physical or mental distress, its just bad enough that it makes working consistently hard. i had a buffer up until this last month when it was completely used up because i was too busy thinking about how bad my entire face hurt. or how my eyes felt like they were vibrating out of my skull.

i started effexor two years ago and was on a pretty high dose. i got the most bizarre and unpleasant side effects on this drug and the reason i didn't do anything about it was because the drug's primary effect was to instill me with a sense of overwhelming apathy. this is a great effect (intentional? i'm not sure) to have when the symptom you were trying to treat was "unbearable anxiety". not joking, it worked incredibly well for at least getting me mentally back to a baseline level of sane. after that, though, with nothing irrational to be apathetic about, my brain decided that household chores, basic hygiene, and my job were pointless and stupid or unpleasant. food tasted bad. not bland, bad. showers felt annoying instead of relaxing. i would look at the dishes piling up in the sink, the barest minimum i should be doing around the house on a daily basis to maintain a comfortable living space and would think "well that is just impossible".

but i was also putting up with a lot of stupid shit from my body. it made my right hand fingers and lower back feel distractingly stiff. my lip was split for a year straight and would re-open every time i opened my mouth. my nose and gums had open sores. i got a rash on my face that lead me down a rabbit hole for months trying to figure out if i do or don't have lupus (i dont)(neat). i would get insomnia so bad i would be up for 36 hours regularly, but i was too tired to get anything done. and with the withdrawals i would get all of those and as an added bonus i got to enjoy body aches that felt like bruises all over my body. they hurt so bad that laying on the couch was uncomfortable as a consequence of newton's third law. and i'd have weird meltdowns about the cats hating me (?). i am only boring you with all of this whining to try to explain the amount of distractions i was fending off while still trying to be a productive member of a household, experiencing common adulthood problems galore (basement....), and trying to create comics for you and for me. i am telling you this because it sucked, and sucks, so bad.

on top of everything else, the impact the effexor has had on my creativity has been eye-opening. i realized there was a correlation between my dosages increasing and my ability to draw nosediving. the "impossible" feeling of the dishes carried over to my comic work which got lazier and worse and i knew it and it was frustrating. there is a special kind of shame and guilt you develop when you charge someone for something you know is not your best work, just the best you could do in the moment. or when you are just sitting in front of your computer staring at it blankly and thinking about how much you'd like to draw if only it wasn't the hardest thing in the world. you feel like a lazy sack of shit, knowing that there is nothing physically preventing you from working. your brain simply cannot make

i started the weaning process in i think november so am pretty much on track for this to actually be over soon. there's light at the end of the tunnel. its happening. and there are bright moments in between doses where i can actually do things. like right now! i drew this very easily instead of being in hell for hours. but these precious moments are short lived until the withdrawal symptoms start up and i have to take another pill that nerfs me.

anyway APRIL 6th! dont forget me or ill cry.

[piqueconcentration]

"Clay Pigeons" and the Blaze Foley Rabbit Hole

Originally posted Nov 9, 2022

This person, in the picture below, is Blaze Foley- a man that I had never heard of until a few days ago. He is also one of the most influential folk and country music singer-songwriters (arguably) that there ever has been.

At the Folk & Forage music festival this past weekend, my good friend Jenner Fox, the incredible musician and veritable jukebox of a human being, began playing a song that I recognized, right as I was leaving the fire to get ready for bed. Several of my very close family friends -essentially extended family- were warming themselves by the flames, instruments in hand; they had just been playing a medley of John Prine songs after a particularly Prine-centric evening (John Prine, for the uninitiated, is -unlike Foley- an extremely famous singer-songwriter. His music inspired nearly an entire generation of the folk genre, and he is credited with such masterpieces as "I Remember Everything," "Angel From Montgomery," "In Spite of Ourselves," and on and on and on), but I was tired and the darkness required I have resolve enough to make it through the nighttime woods back to the cabin.

In any case, the song that Jenner's dad had asked him to play quietly landed upon my ear snail, and it was "Clay Pigeons". Now, my experience with this song was limited. Unfortunately, I have to admit that I had only heard it played by Michael Cera, who, if you don't have your finger on the pulse of contemporary indie/comedy filmmaking, is a bit of a young people's darling after his roles in Arrested Development, Superbad, and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, among other things, and he currently is (presumably) enjoying quite the successful indie music stint. The absolutely insufferable hipster buried in me might scoff at the prospect of listening to someone who gained even a bit of notoriety from something as... repugnant as being an actor, especially one that people near my age swoon for, but that part of me sucks and I hate it and I wish it would shut up.

In any case, I was under the impression that the song in question, one that I had always really loved for a lot of reasons- its simultaneous simplicity, understated yet heartfelt lyrics and its confusingly ever-appealing melody (there isn't really a good way to explain something like that, but it manages to hit you right in the heart with only, like, three notes per line) was written by Cera, as i hadn't really heard or known to go looking for any other recordings of it. I listened to Jenner pick the rest of the tune, me quietly singing the harmonies as if subconsciously to prove my music-knowing chops to the people around me -people I need not prove anything to, as if there are any people like that at all- and asked: a) whether it bothers him that I like every song that he plays so much that I end up copying him and learning them all myself, and b) who wrote that one. I had noticed some differences in the lyrics between his and Cera's versions, and I guess I deduced that the latter was not, in fact, their author. He said "Blaze Foley" and I wrote that down in my notebook, joked to him about my musical/composorial confusion, said my good-nights, and went to bed with the melody still dancing around my brain.

It was still dancing several days after I got back to my house, and I went looking for another recording, worrying that the one I would like best may end up being the one that I'd heard first by nature of its earlier discovery. The first three versions that I found were the one by Michael Cera from the 2014 album True That, the Blaze Foley one on Sittin' by the Road from 2010, and the John Prine recording on 2005's Fair and Square. I immediately grew several sizes larger than my pants. The texts I sent to Jenner immediately after that go thusly, without grammatical correction:

well what do you know, clay pigeons isnt originally by blaze foley, it's by JOHN PRINE

*It is now, as I am writing this, that I am immensely grateful for the fact that Jenner was not entirely knowledgeable about the origins of the song.*

wait nevermind what

ok the info on the internet is very confusing

god i was so confident too

All that confidence had dissipated as soon as I took more than a cursory glance at any other part of the internet than the first few results on Spotify that come up when you type in "clay pig." What probably tipped me off was learning that Blaze Foley died in 1989, so there was absolutely no way that the recordings could correspond with their listed dates.

I then went down the proverbial rabbit hole as the title implies, and through several stages of knowledge about the timeline of this almost mythical man and his music, so instead of taking the reader down the same, needlessly complex path that I took to get to what I know now, I'll just start telling you about the guy as chronicled by his album releases, particularly as they are listed on Spotify. I won't pretend to know by what system Spotify dates their albums, considering in this case it is wildly inaccurate, but for storytelling reasons I'll go through them in terms of their oldest to newest (seemingly arbitrary) dates. Let it be known, also, that one thing I've found all over the internet in researching him is that compared to other artists of similar time and renown, his music is "frustratingly scarce" (Spotify), as he only has a few studio albums, and his most reliable recordings are ones from when he was playing live. There are a few other reasons, but you'll learn about them in a bit.

..............................................................................................................................

Actually that sounds kind of boring and made me stop writing for like two days because it didn't interest me, so I rescind that previous statement about writing about each album and will now be doing whatever I want.

Anyway, the album above is In Tribute and Loving Memory... Volume #1, released in 1998- essentially a testament to just how much of an incredible impact Blaze Foley had on the musicians of his time, with covers of his songs from fifteen different artists, including several recordings from his personal friend and fellow musician Townes Van Zandt. It does not include, however, the covers done by even more famous artists (Merle Haggard & Willie Nelson, Joe Nichols & Lee Ann Womack, Nanci Griffith, Lyle Lovett, John Prine, Michael Cera, and Whitney) recorded before or after, or the songs that they wrote about Blaze (Townes Van Zandt's "Blaze's Blues," Lucinda Williams's "Drunken Angel," Gurf Morlix's "Music You Mighta Made," and Kings of Leon's "Reverend"). The point is, either his songwriting or his personality or both had a lasting effect on anyone he met, and continue to have one on the people that learn about him, considering my current admiration.

The things about his personality that made him endearing to so many are wild to hear about- he was an absolute enigma, an alcoholic, a troublemaker, regularly engaging in self-destructive behavior, writing a fair amount of songs that actively made people uncomfortable, what with their scathing political satire or their just straight up sometimes gross lyrics. He was seemingly familiar with homeless shelters, regularly destitute, wore shoes and clothes so old that they were almost more duct tape than leather or fabric -his affinity for duct tape was widely known- but he also had a reputation for being amicable, oddly charismatic, and above all, a good friend.

In my opinion, he is best characterized by songs from one of the few recording sessions of his that are readily available, when he played a show at the Austin Outhouse, "one of the few music establishments in town that would tolerate him" (Spotify). The performance, which took place on his thirty-ninth birthday, was long enough that the songs were split onto two albums. The first is Live at the Austin Outhouse, released cassette-only in 1989 and then again in 1999, and the second is Oval Room, released in 2004.

In many of the songs from the former, oddly at the end of the songs, you can hear a monologue from Foley about the tune he is about to play next (these days, if there is a monologue at all, it would normally happen in the same "song" as the song, but that is most likely a product of the album translating to streaming format in an unconventional manner). As it was played live, the listener is treated to the sounds of the audience, the interaction between the people on the stage, you can even tell when Blaze's jokes land and get the audience hooting and hollering, or sometimes don't land and the crowd doesn't laugh. It is an absolutely wonderful portrait of a man just slightly more weird than the people around him, and I think that is a beautiful thing.

Some of my favorite of his unhinged sermons, that I have attempted to transcribe in his exact manner of speech:

"*strum* And uh, ahm on' send it to Merle Haggard, I'un know if he'll read it, or not, but if anybody wants 's say hello t' Merle say 'hello' now. *'Hello, Merle!/Hey, Merle!' from audience* Hey, Merle. (presumably Foley, impersonating Kermit the Frog) Uh, Merle, this is Kermit, yeah. *Audience''s continued greetings, one woman laughing, strum* Uh, have you seen Miss Piggy uh last I heard she w's on yer buss. I'm kinda miffed, uh, Merle, know what I mean? *silence, strum* Cuz it's not easy being green- *strum* (no longer Kermit:) This's call' 'Our Little Town.'"

-Blaze Foley on the track "New Slow Boat to China," before playing "Our Little Town," Live at the Austin Outhouse, 1989

"This's call' Officer Norris. *chord strum* ihs' about a, cop that, put me in jail one time fer'... I was with a, married wom'n an' her, child. An' her husban' wun'n there and the cop didn' like that an' we were all friends, n' it ws', on the up-an'-up kinda. *slow chord strum* But anyway a cop stopped us fer', swervin'... after leavin' a Burger King parking lot an' goin' ten feet an' the car was like fourteen feet long. An' ih's like 'well, how could we swerve? Car's, not that short.' But anyway, 'Shut up, boy.' An' they put me in jail an' I had tinnis shoes on an' they had a concrete floor, it's'uh night kinna like t'night n' my guitar w's in the back of a truck, an' I w's afraid it was gettin' rained on n' the case wuhdn'n good *chord* so I wrote this song. But anny'way, I kep' stompin' on'n concrete floor w' my tinnis shoes n' they never heard me n'... my feet paid. *two strums, picking* So I, now I wear taps on my tinnis shoes."

-Blaze Foley on the track "Our Little Town," before playing "Officer Norris," Live at the Austin Outhouse, 1989

And on Oval Room, the other album made from that one show at the Outhouse, where most of the monologues are removed, there is one song called "20 Years Introduction," which is just Blaze speaking about the next song he's going to play (possibly "Someday," which is the next song on the album, but it's unclear if the songs are actually in the order that he played them that night). A portion of the same monologue appears before the track "Our Little Town" on In Tribute and Loving Memory... Volume #1.

"A lot of people say I'm, half sick, most uh' the time. *strum* But I can tell you that I'm... mostly not sick, most uh' the time. *strum* But anyway, uh... (unintelligible) this might not end up on'nuh record I hope not 'cuz I soun' like a hillbilly, *two strums* but uh, this talkin' part (chuckle). But anyway I'm jus' g'nna see what, what happens, like twen'y years from now I might still be haun'ted by this. *strum* Or, maybe not."

-Blaze Foley on the track "20 Years Introduction," Oval Room, 2004

..............................................................................................................................

Blaze Foley was shot and killed on February 1, 1989, a month and a half after he played that show. He had wanted the proceeds of the album to go to a homeless shelter, but they were used to pay for his funeral costs instead (Spotify). His friends wrapped his coffin in duct tape.

..............................................................................................................................

The next part is about where all his music went. Thankfully, we happen to be living in the age of peak musical availability, and several of the "lost" albums have been found, but I think it's worth taking a look at just how much trouble it took to get it all back. Normally, in a situation like this where some media is gone or missing, I feel like there's generally some sort of motive from someone that keeps it from resurfacing, like a crooked producer or a greedy company, but in this case, it just seems as though the Universe was adamantly determined to hide whatever the man in question wrote.

I think Foley's Wikipedia page puts it best:

"The master tapes from his first studio album were confiscated by the DEA when the executive producer was caught in a drug bust. Another studio album disappeared when the master copies were stolen with his belongings from a station wagon that Foley had been given and lived in.  A third studio album, Wanted More Dead Than Alive, was thought to have disappeared until, many years after Blaze died, a friend who was cleaning out his car discovered what sounded like the Bee Creek recording sessions on which he and other musicians had performed. This was Foley's last studio album, and he was scheduled to tour the UK with Townes Van Zandt in support of the album. When Foley died, his attorney immediately nullified the recording contract and the master tapes subsequently disappeared (reportedly lost in a flood)" (Wikipedia).

Anyway, I now adore his songwriting. I love the simple chord progressions, and as someone who struggles with needing to feel wholly original when I try to write a song, it's a powerful reminder that a song can be what feels like a masterpiece without being a ridiculous, jazzy scalebreaker. I love, in "Clay Pigeons," how the final verse is made up of parts from the first and last verses. I love his tendency to sometimes add a part of the melody at the end of a line that sounds like it's preparing to loop back around, that doesn't complete the melody but is like the lyrical equivalent of a sus chord. I love how the words he uses never feel forced or out of place. I love how I can't quite understand what he's saying metaphorically in his songs, it feels like it makes it simultaneously more personal and easier to listen to.

It makes me happy that we have what we have left of his work.

In conclusion, I think that artists should say the name of the original composer in the title of covers that they release.

..............................................................................................................................

References:

Dave HJ (Director). (2015, May 3). Blaze Foley—Clay Pigeons, rare Live. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uM3YROq_cLY

Blaze Foley. (n.d.). Spotify. Retrieved November 5, 2022, from https://open.spotify.com/artist/1TlScGwN8MmIZ7kIYGjSZA

Blaze Foley age, hometown, biography | Last.fm. (n.d.). Retrieved November 8, 2022, from https://www.last.fm/music/Blaze+Foley/+wiki

Blaze Foley music, videos, stats, and photos. (n.d.). Last.Fm. Retrieved November 5, 2022, from https://www.last.fm/music/Blaze+Foley

Blaze Foley on Apple Music. (n.d.). Apple Music. Retrieved November 5, 2022, from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/blaze-foley/44075415

Blaze Foley. (2022). In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Blaze_Foley&oldid=1111200666

[pielove123clan]

Failure, for the OC thing!

Thanks for asking because I got that vampire autism and don't talk much about my ocs. The thing with my ocs though is I purposly leave them open-ended, im never done developing and changing them. I did all my ocs if you don't mind. The thing is, I need to give my ocs more trauma. I'm too nice with them. None of these are fandom related, their just general ocs in my head.

Question: What's your OC's greatest failure? Have they been able to move past it? Does anyone else know about it?

Aparna: She is an undead zombie housewife who can turn into a giant rabbit kaiju. I think her greatest failure is going to be going to sleep when moments before her huband was trying to reson out why she should let him kill her. She was opposed but her husband was able to talk Aparna down like, "Ok honey, this idea was kind of silly, Your right, I don't know why I thought this would be a good idea. Let's go to bed." And then when she fell asleep, her husband killed her. No one else knows this and she's been trying to move past it, look on the bright side because the killing was done to make her 'immortal', it was just greatly delayed. I still need to do more research on how The Great Depression effected families.

Milicent: She is a woman made up of a bunch of centipedes but looks like a normal ass woman, just glossy. I need to give her a failure because killing people in a time when you were more controled by animal instincts and not fulling a conscious self doesn't feel like much of a failure to her. She just moves on like nothing every happened but she accepts that yeah, she did eat people. That was how she was before. She's not doing it anymore because she prefers engadging with not dead people, but she wouldn't care to do it. She'll tell her adopted child Fleshy when she's older.

Fleshy: Body horror child escaped experiment who is a living virus. Weird stuff I still need to write down fully. Her biggest failure is her existence because she was a mistake from the lab that made her. I think she's moved on fine so far but she's still young, still learning. Milicent is trying to teach her how to live in this human world while being true to her nature, im still trying to work out their dynamic. Milicent is doing her best but some of the stuff she's teaching is maybe questionable.

Fleshy has minor anger and violence issues actually. For example, if someone were to tease her, if they don't noticibly look bigger or stronger or if she knows she could get away with it, her immediate thought is "punishment" as in, she will punish the other person, just like the people at the lab did to her. That means hitting or trying to absorb them or their limbs, and she's ruthless. She's very shy and cowardly to juxtapose that and Milicent is trying to direct her to not solving situations like that with violence.

Marigold: She's an ecology student with a shovel that can dig holes to other dimensions. Letting her father vanish before she could completly say all she wanted to say to him. Before he had suddenly vanished, they had a verbal argument. What I'm working with now is that for some reason, the father is insisting on moving out just as Marigold got accepted to a local university. The day after while Marigold was gone from the house, the home was ransacked, her mother was beaten, and her father was no where to be seen. Im still working on lore for her. Long story short, she find the shovel and she's trying to find her father, the problem is she doesn't know what shes doing. No one knows about it. She used to be very social until her father went missing and her mother got transported to the hospital.

Zovasa: They are a vampire jumping spider person. I guess being easily bribed for their apperance? Because its a scay spider who seems to be around misfortune or bad events, people misinterpret them as the bad omen. It's in Zovasa's instincts and nature though to see misfortune sprits or demons and then suck their blood or ichor, or whatever magic demon juices are in there. But, if you thow Zovasa a bone or give Zovasa any sort of kindness that isn't hatred, that demon is free to do whatever in Zovasa's eyes. They get let off the hook. Zovasa doesn't see it as a failure, just that they'll go a little hungrier but its ok. Zovasa is alone so I guesss only the ones that bribe them know.

Cranberry: Gremlin bog otter cryptid. This thing has no thoughts in its head other than violence. The world is lucky that the Cranberry does not have highest intellect. We are all better off that way. I think the biggest failure is the creators of Cranberry have yet to find a way to control the Cranberry and weild them as force of destruction. A handful have tried only to die out of bloodloss from their fearsomely treacherous claws and mighty sharpened maws. Only few know of the Cranberry breeding lab under the bog.

Milly: Medical student in medical school studying to be a surgeon. How did she pay for medical school without the support of her parents? She signed a shady loan connected to a shady underground organ trafficing ring! That's her biggest failure so far and she can't move past it yet because she needs to work off that debt. She is pretty introverted so no one knows, im still playing around with the idea of Milicent, Milly, and Fleshy being a sort of found family and if that still sticks, Milicent would know and be there for her. Otherwise, I need to make Milly some friends.

Verdell: Haven't written much for him because hes relativly new but he will be a superhero oc, possibly influnced off tokusatsu stuff. He is Milly's brother and the much more favorited child in the family. It would be an easy cop out answer to say in his eyes, his greatest failure is not being able to help everyone while remaining in the spotlight and get that recogition. He does legitimately want to do good and help people but he's also a people pleaser and badly trying to over-compensate. He wants his good deeds to be seen, high praises sung in his honor, to be liked and widly revered worldwide. I don't think he's that subtile so if people wanted to really pay attention, he prioritizes what will give him more eyes, more fame in his heroic endevors. He feels the need to go higher and higher since birth because those high praises are what his family gave, he feels like he needs to live up to that severely. Experimenting on making him Marigold's housemate after the vanishing of her father.

Bake: My tanuki oc! She doesn't see herself as having any major failure in her life but for the most part all she thinks about is eatting and survival as a wild animal, and whatever would get her interest at any given moment. She's a younger character with no role model figure or adult figure in her life. She's really alone. Given her attitude as an animal, has little empathy for others experiences or feelings about death other than a dead thing should stay dead. I think her biggest failure is that she doesn't have any real goals or ambition, no actual reason to strive for continued exsistance other than for survival sake. She just exist, wandering around. She might be depressed but she doesn't know it, because she naps quite a bit. She also really doesn't have any morals unless its just, "This thing will get me killed so don't do that." or "There's food there, food is important for survival. I will take it." Id like to write her more but I get self conscious.

Malinda: This giant red and black spikey dragon. In her eyes, her biggest failure is not getting out of her cave and murdering the king yet because they keep sending these knights to her cave in order to steal from her horde of items. She has a personal vendetta against this one specific king but she can't be bothered yet to take care of it, she's procrastinating. I think her biggest failure is sort of being a hermit and shutting herself off from things. She's a very neutral dragon, almost passive with how much she doesn't care unless something really rouses her. She's just as likely to join a hero's party as much as she is to join the demon lord, its whoever gets to her first and impresses her the most. It's depending on her company how she'll develop.

Lily: My self-insert oc. The easiest way I can describe her species is wolf tulpa person. She specifically has an identity crisis. I made her to try and get through my own trauma and digest it without attacking myself. Wolves are known for their packs and undying loyalty so betraying or deserting them is treason no matter what. She is activly running away from her problems by going around by herself in an RV. She is not able to move past them and that's a major part of her character. She's trying but activly, when she tries to go with other people, to have fun and move past it, feelings kind of consume her. Even one slip up and she gets all scared and withdrawn. She has SAD or Social Anxiety Disorder when she never had that before. She internalizes her greatest failure a lot, the failure to stay and protect the ones she loves and cares about, then seeing them seemingly get corrupted by a miasma right before her eyes, or that dillusion in her part? I purposly make it vauge. I think about Knight Of Despair when thinking about her sometimes. I need to write her but its like staring at a mirror. I can't do it for too long but I'd like to.

[can-ya-guess-my-curent-obsession]

Hey again 😼 maybe another idea for you? Maybe Gorillaz members w a trans ftm s/o who’s insecure about being trans; like they don’t like that they still have feminine bits ig lol

Hope you’re having a slaytastic day

-🍜

FTM S/O dealing with dysphoria from their appearance

WRITERS NOTES: Hey great to hear from ya again 🍜Anon. And Y E S i love this idea, i think your talking about body baised gender dysphoria, which i can relate to hugely- that shit sucks ass. I think I got outa had with Murdoc's hc, and I had more ideas for some then others. And with that I hope you slaytastic day yourself. And honestly no to sure how I would go about writing this, so if this isn't exactly what you wanted sorry. And sorry if they aren't as long as usual, but like I said I lacked Ideas for this sadly

[ANOTHER NOTE: eh... sorry this took awhile I won't be posting at my previous pase due to the fact a lot of life stuff has been happening recently, and I just don't have as much time as I would like, though I hopefully won't be this slow at writing but just working at a more comfortable pase.]

Edited: fuck no

All art in this post is mine

TW:Curssing, gender dysphoria, transphobia, Implied drug uses, Murdoc being drunk, T, Murdocs dad, Murdocs childhood, ahhh- theres probably more but I can't think of it- so tell me if ya think of anything

Characters:

/Gorillaz/

2D

What?

What do you mean you don't like you body?

What is there to not like?

Huh- specific parts you say?

He still doesn't understand- I mean he understands that the fact that you are trans which means your body is not exactly your favorite part of yourself due to the lack of matching you identified gender but he does not understand the depth of upset-ness his boyfriend feels- but like I said he tries his best

So S/O would have to try and explain it 2D

And in the end 2D does understand more but he still doesn't fully grasp everything so 2D turns to google for answers

When 2D woke up at night again from his migraines and couldn't go back to sleep he decides this is the best time to do his research... at 2:00 AM, so 2D goes on insomnia fulled google spree

And my dear fucking lord satan does he go down a rabbit hole

2D can hardly process half the shit he reads

And by the end of it his head is spinning and he's so fucking exhausted

But at least he grasped some stuff and understands even more now, and he knows what he should do!

But first he needs a little nap he earned it

When he wakes up the the first thing he can remember it binders- so his scowers the internet and orders everyone he sees- good and bad quality, I mean its not like 2D's reading the reviews he's just ordering ever single one he stumbles upon

Then he goes to the store and buys even more

It's moments like this he's glad he remembers he's got a shit ton of money

And one day when S/O comes over to vist 2D- 2D tells his boyfriend to stand there for a second

"Hun- do'ya mind stand'en dere fer sec"

He giggles to himself as he runs in the other room, leaving S/O concerned and confused

Next thing you know- your on the floor after what feels like who knows how many binders have been flug/dumped on you

It takes a silent minute for 2D to process that you may be stuck

In which 2D freaks and digs S/O and explains to him that he was trying to my S/O feel better- which touched S/O that 2D cared this much about him

And then S/O had to explain that he didn't need this many binders

So the two of you spent the next two hours picking out what binders work best

S/O was modeling each one- and figured out which one fit best(because 2D didn't really check sizes either), and were as comfortable as possible

And the whole time 2D was praiseing and tell S/O he looked amazing

After S/O picked thw ones he liked, both decided to donate the remaining binders

Its was really sweet of of him

But either way 2D will in any way possible try and make S/O feel better about himself

2D is just as physically affectionate with his S/O in this as as he would be in any other

Though he can get a bit anxious about touching S/O since his dysphoria was body baised- and was scared of triggering a bad reaction

2D has a big thing for words of affirmation, but due to S/O's body baised gender dysphoria- he tends to praise his boyfriends body spisificly, and it's very obvious what he's trying to do when he says it

"Ya' know I' didn't tink I could be attracted to someones frame... iz... broad.... and manly..."

"Your face is soooo handsome-- oh!.... an' guy-ish..."

It's not like he's lieing he's just kinda shit at subtly tell his boyfriend about it

Either way- while he can be a bit ignorant at first he tried his damn best

"Why trans people need'a binder? Are they going to school?"

*S/O facepalming*

Murdoc

Ok before we can start we need talk about transgender stuff in general and Murdoc did that make sense?

In the 2D x Male S/O x Murdoc, 2D x Male S/O, and Murdoc x Male S/O I had briefly mentioned Murdocs dad being homophobic- well that doesn't even scratch the surface of Sebastian's asshole-lery

Sebastian was a dick queer/LGBTQIA+ people, not like "FUCK THE GAYS- THEIR DELUSIONAL" more like "I talk a bit of shit about queer people behind peoples back, don't be like them son" -ish way

In which he instilled those trashy views on Murdoc as a kid, as when I said 'talk shit behind people I meant he "talked" about it to Hannibal and Murdoc, and randos he hung out with at the bar(I might do a separate thing in the future on how I think murdocs childhood went down, and what kind of person Sebastion was, cuz theres A LOT I could say)

And due to his fathers ways being imprinted in his head as a kid, Kid/Teen Mudz was not exactly found of queer/LGBTQIA+ people in general either

Well it's not like society liked them at that time either: Murdocs year of birth 1966, The year Britain legalized gay marriage 2014

So at that time no one was exactly fond of them

But either way Kid/Teen Murdoc fond of them either

And because of his wasn't fond of them- Murdoc Bullied/teased any one of the queer/LGBTQIA+ community... like a lot... yeah lets just say his sense of humor wasn't exactly nice..

These actions and old views still haunt him to this day

Russel's the only one who knows the full extent of his behavior as a kid because while drunk Murdoc confessed this to him, and 2D over heard a bit- but was swiftly bunbarded by Murdoc once he noticed 2D, Mudz begged them to not tell Noodle

And most of this shit is internalized so if you can't rip open Mudz chest with your love and affection- then good luck getting a straight answer from him

This guilt didn't bother him as much in earlier phases(before plastuc beach).... though thats not saying much

But when the later phases arrived he started drinking tiny bit less, which made memories resurface.... and my god he felt guilty

Ok Fuck- on to the actual hc now...

Wether its phase 1 or phase 7, Murdocs anxious as hell around his S/O, because of the fact they are trans- and this is true before they even started dating- if learned that info before dating

I mean it's nothing to do with his S/O and the fact he's trans- in the sence of his S/O's physically body he does not care you bits you have man- he can work with either...

But... he can't stop thinking about the way he treat trans people in the past- he feels soooo guilty(which he should, he acted like a dickwad)

And what worries Murdoc the most is... he's scared his new boyfriend that accepted him for his flaws and failures, and never looked at him like was worthless.... was gonna leave him because of how he acted when he was ignorant and young

One day when he's drinking alone in the Winnebago he's hit with a overwhelmed wave of guilt, that almost felt suffocating

*BUZZ*

*Phone call from ❤️Mudzy❤️*

You pick up the phone

All you hear is Murdocs indisputable sobs of apologies- while simultaneously saying something about his dad, Trans, he was young and dumb- wait did he say something about you breaking up with him?!? What the hell is he on about?

It was obvious to you he was absolutely fucked up... like even worse the usual?

You told him to sit tight and you'll be there as fast as he can

You arive and he is absolutely fucking all over the place

The Winnebago is more trashed then then usual and he's in the center of it alllll messed up

H looks like he wants to hug you but he pulls back like if he did you would hate him

To sum it up- you two spent the next 3 hours talking about his past and how you still love him, and he could not control how he was raised

Holy fuck uhhh nevermind... NOW on to the ACTUAL hc :b

He has a hard time understanding your insecurities about you body but he tries- he just thinks you too hot

So you have to like sit him down and try and make him understand- cuz otherwise he clueless- which would make worry cuz he doesn't like not knowing whats going on

So google this shit he will

Google leeds him to some interesting things... like he learns about T(testosterone hormones for transitioning)

And after siting on the idea for a bit, when he got drunk Murdy kept trying to order T, but he couldn't cuz you need a note from a doctor/therapist/psychologist to get that shit

And you found him throwing a tantrum- screaming at his computer. Fun fact this happens pretty often, because he's really bad with computers...well except for when it come to the sketchy part of the internet, Mudz knows a lot about that stuff. I swear he's on a FBI watch list

When S/O asks whats wrong murdoc spouts on about how he FUCKING can't get T for his wonderful boyfriend- *sniff* to make him feel better- *sob* make him feel better

Yes Murdoc starts to have another drunken break down

And again you have to sit him down and explain the complex process of getting stuff like that

"Well thats stupid... I've always been able to get prescription drugs without a a prescription- I used to know a guy actually, you could get anything for the right price-..." Murdoc mumbled to himself

"What-"

"Nothing..."

But in then he understands a little more, and this time please explain what he can do to make you feel better about your dysphoria, cuz he will continue to do weird shit

Murdoc's no Shakespeare, he isn't great with words or with expressing shutters feeling, so he isn't the best at comforting but he tries his best

But something nice is, when Murdoc gets really high or reallyyyyyyy drunk he tends to be more touchy and more truthful, so he'll just randomly start praising S/O, even if its a the worst time- Like:

"...S/O"

"Yeah?"

"...dove- your the most beautiful, handsome, and stunning thing ever... no one can say otherwise- your perfect from head to toe...."

"Thats nice and all but hun this really ain't the time..."

*Murdoc looks at S/O very confused then looks at the toilet he just was hurling his guts up into*

But don't worry he doesn't always dish out his best compliments in the loo

At the end of the day Murdoc really love his boyfriend no matter what they look like.

"....I Love you..."

"Huh?"

"NOTHING!"

Noodle

Probably understands the most out of the 4

Noodle is the youngest meaning- she's 'more with the times' I fucking cringed so hard writing that for some reason-

She will try to distract you in any way to get her boyfriend to feel better, and stop thinking about it

Noodle doesn't exactly a big fan of talking that much if she doesn't find the conversation meaningful, but if needed she will spend as long as her S/O needs siting there tell him how much she loves him- and his body doesn't make him any less of a man

"Don't let anyone else tell you- who you are, ok?"

"I don't know about what you think, but what I do know is that your my lovely boyfriend!"

Noodle LOVES clothes shopping- scratch that just shopping in general

So she loves takeing her S/O to shops that can get that clothing that can make him feel more comfortable in his body

She does a bit of googleing but not like a deep dive as the guys

Noodle will round house kick anyone who dares to be transphobic to S/O

Along with Noodle screaming every curse word she knows at them in every language she know

No one fucks with Noodle's boyfriend- or I swear to satan when Noodles done with that knob- they won't even be able to look you in the eyes in fear of evoking Noodles rage once more

If Noods notices her boyfriend going through a bout of of depression due to his body based gender dysphoria(fucking hell- I'm tired of typing this out if I will now refur to that as BBGD) and she will decide to plan a date for her and S/O

She does this often- but the kind of date varies based on S/O's preference

When Nood complements S/O and his body she's very blunt, abd it's very obvious what she's doing- and knows that just doesn't give a shit

"Did I ever tell you how handsome you are?"

I can't think of any more quotes sorry

She makes sure everyone gets S/O pro-nouns right, incase that makes S/O more inscure she back handed murdoc once become he misgender S/O once- on accident and 2D told you she lecturerd him later when you left, whether it was an accident or not he never did it again and Mudz shutters at the memory-

If S/O has a melt down/panic attack due to BBGD if S/O is ok with it, Noodle will hold him and juat let him get it all out, till he's ready to talk, and if S/O just wants to sit there then thats fine to

She once teasingly called you baby boy, take that for what you will

"THE FUCK DID YOU SAY TO MY BOYFRIEND!!!"

"Noodle- please calm down-!"

Russel

Ok... he's probably the second best at understanding your sercumstance

But that does not make it any less awkward

Russel isn't exactly a conventionalist but he tries to priase/give words of affection/affirmation to his S/O to make him feel better

I wanna say S/O is the first transgender person Rus has dated- but thats not saying much as Russel was never that big in the dating world, so his knowledge on dating in general is not that vast

So like the other guy's he does research-

And was very thorough, and comes out pretty successful in his endeavor

And before Rus decides to make and drastic decisions like a shopping spree or or almost buying T *cough* 2D *cough* Murdoc

He communicates with his S/O about what they want

And the root of his insecurities, as Rus wan't S/O to know that your body does not define you and just a bunch of really sappy love crap

"Honey, your body is not what makes you- you, it's whats on the inside, you get what I mean?"

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, it's natural to feel this way, in this kind of situation."

"I would love no matter how you looked"

And then after talking about how S/O feels on this situation

Rus then will get really serious and ask S/O if he wan't to get medical procedures done and if he did Rus would him pay for the surgerys and crap

Or he may suggest seeking professional help with you BBGD

But if S/O says no- Rus is completely fine with that he just wants his S/O to know that he loves him

If S/O is going through a especially bad bout of dysphoria, Russel will make him their favorite comfort food

Like Rus isn't great with words and depending on where you are in the relationship physically affection can be a bit stiff with him- But one thing is he's a Great Fucking Cook

Ask for any comfort food it's yours

He's a big thing for acts of service- like Noodle oftenvdoes things to distract S/O from his unpleasant feelings

Russel's a big boi with major RBF so when he's around there is less likely someones gonna say/talk transphoic shit to/about S/O

And if they do... well I hope they like confrontation, becuase Rus will not yell at them but, his words will make just about anyone shit their pants

Like 2D, Rus complements S/O that could makes S/O feel better about his BBGD- but un-like 2D he's really good at being subtle about it.

"I made you your favorite, *insert fav food*."

[primelight]

WNM: Time Loop Ethics and Keira (Mild Spoilers)

Uh, yep, long time no write. Bad Lightpoint. Basically I got smacked with the 'WHAT IF THE DLC NUKES MY LORE' thing (and the fact that there are a lot of moving pieces) so I had to take a step back for my own peace of mind. So into the DLC waiting room I went. I got hit by the Baldur's Gate 3 bug, like many Soulsborne people lol. I have 1 fic simmering for BG3 (and the dove is so, so dead in it), but while I DO love that game, it's not 'I'm going to write a 200k word fic' love.

I also haven't abandoned 'Maidens.' My brain keeps turning it over and over. ER's sucking me back into its majesty too, ironically via miniature painting...I got my hands on fan-made Malenia, Morgott, and Mohg models (and 5 Crucible Knights), and dammit the rabbit hole is still very much open for business. I'll post pics, maybe, when I'm satisfied with the final products.

Now, on to the point of this post. Like I said, 'Who Needs Maidens' keeps simmering in the back of my mind, and boss music keeps playing in my head whenever I paint Malenia and Morgott (Mohg's coming out of his bubble wrap when I finish his siblings lol). So when I stumbled over a fic with a time loop as the primary problem, I started thinking. And thinking. And THINKING.

You see, time loop ethical considerations are a CRITICAL driving force behind Keira's activities and relationships. More beneath the cut. Minor spoilers, and in a follow-on post I'll do a small excerpt from WAY ahead of the current chapter as an example of what's going on under the proverbial hood.

TL;DR: She's trying to save everyone while not manipulating the fuck out of everyone in the process. It's a fine ethical line to walk, especially where romance and friendships are concerned.

The musings on the TL;DR are under the cut.

By the time WNM starts, Keira's experienced several hundred loops. She started out at the absolute bottom of the barrel, and could barely lift a sword. She didn't manage to actually find all the non-mandatory NPCs and bosses for a long, long time because welp, the Lands Between are big.

Keep in mind that the Lands Between is basically a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Everyone is inches from death and madness. Safety is rare, but actual human connection is almost nonexistent. Trust has to be earned, and holy shit it's always an uphill battle. Needless to say, 'we could die tomorrow, we must seize the day' situations happen.

The above is part of why a lot of Tarnished are DTF with very little encouragement.

Eventually Keira got strong enough to kick a reasonable amount of ass, and got some actual friends along the way. The Plan became to keep as many of them alive and happy (as happy as one can be in ER) as possible.

Some attempts at a 'perfect run' have crashed and burned. Other attempts at a perfect run went beautifully, only for her to wake up once again in the Chapel of Anticipation, a stranger to everyone she loves.

None of her wins were enough to break the loop.

For a time, Keira tried her damndest to haul everyone to safety and friendship. She tried to re-create the bonds she'd forged from loop to loop to loop, because she feared she was staring down infinity alone.

The problem there is that if she tried to recreate what she had with, say, Diallos in cycle 45 with Diallos in cycle 46, they wouldn't be on an equal playing field. Not only would she (probably) have to lie about the time loop, she's got way more information about Diallos 46's loves, fears, motivations, and dreams than he has of hers. There's an emotional power gap there, and massive manipulation potential.

Also, Keira in cycle 46 isn't the same person she was in cycle 45. Diallos 45's Keira is just as gone as he is.

One of the reasons I started this fic was to consider if there was an ethical way to have that sort of relationship. This applies to both platonic and romantic relationships.

It's a fine line to walk. It's not IMPOSSIBLE to have a close relationship with someone over multiple time loops, but yeah, it's a really, really thin ethical line that could potentially be crossed by accident. Which Keira did, without malicious intent. She's not someone who relishes that kind of power.

Keira's mind...cracked a few times once the implications hit. Repeatedly losing people you care about can do that. Throw in the realization that you might have to be even MORE alone than you already are...well...

Spoiler#1, see bottom.

And thus...Keira is now trying to walk that ethical line. Despite everything, she still cares about her friends, but she knows that their relationships aren't going to be the same. Her people deserve a chance to do their thing on their own, and if it doesn't involve her, that's just the way it is.

That's why she...hovers. So far Keira's sexual encounters have been pretty emotionally superficial. She is trying to save her friends and connect with the people she cares about. She's also trying to pull it off without becoming a total puppet master. It's a fine line to walk.

And at some point, the cycles have to end.

Speaking of which, there's still a random factor in play. There are 1. simply too many variables for her to be omniscient or have complete control and Spoiler#2, see bottom.

Here's some rationale:

Patches:

It's Patches. Anything involving Patches is probably ill-advised. The knowledge gap is her being aware that he's obsessed with Tanith, but is still down for action. And will probably try to steal all her stuff if he can. He's safely at arms length.

Bernahl:

Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland Post-Battle Horniness Trope. She knows that he's from the Volcano Manor (obviously), and knows that he's been pretty fucked over by the whole Tarnished thing, too. All she does is answer his questions honestly. And flirts. And bails before he wakes up.

Side note: He was her first. That one-shot is like 75% done.

Blaidd:

The current 'canon' status of their relationship is circumstantial allies. He's starting to get some questions about her behavior, and is rather attracted to her, but it's not enough to distract him from his mission. He is ALL about Ranni, and Keira is trying her damndest to not mess that up. But what happens at the Radahn Festival stays at the Radahn Festival.

Blackguard Big Boggart:

Keira's wavering on that ethical line in Boggart's chapters, but IMHO has managed to stay upright. The knowledge gap is that she knows that flirting is effective, and that it's been awhile since he's been that close to someone who wasn't trying to kill him. This is one of those encounters that sometimes ends with nookie, and sometimes doesn't (random factor). She also knows that he's pretty down for casual, but friendly, encounters in general, so it's not going to have a huge impact on his heart.

She almost fell off the proverbial tightrope when Morgott showed up unexpectedly (that 'YOU CANNOT DIE' line). The Plan is still to keep as many of Her People alive as possible, because WHAT IF THIS IS THE LAST LOOP. Fortunately she had a lot of Jar Cannons xD

Rogier and Darian:

Keira is being really, really careful to be incidental to their relationship. Well, not incidental, exactly, but she has no plans to be the permanent filling in that sandwich. Carpe diem was VERY much involved with that episode.

Maliketh:

He's starting to remember the past loops. Blame Faram Azula timey-wimey fuckery. They also got it on in the past. Expect that shoe to drop after she gets the 'noble blood' from Varre. Which leads me to...

Varre:

She just deadass hates him at this point, for both all the Omen blood injections and the whole blood cult murder stuff. Yep, they've fucked, and there's no love lost there. This is touched on in '50 First Steps.' Expect THAT shoe to drop after the Radahn festival. I'll add the warnings/descriptions at the end of each Varre/Blood related chapter. He's a walking warning, tho.

Note that there are a few people paired with her that I haven't included on this list. That'd be big spoilers xD

TL;DR: She's trying to save everyone while not manipulating the fuck out of everyone in the process. It's a fine ethical line to walk.

Spoilers below...

...

...

Spoiler#1: The Frenzied Flame didn't work.

Spoiler#2: She's not the only person aware of the loops. I don't mean Maliketh, either.

[premium-value]

this is not goodbye by Premium Value

i started making vaporwave in 2020 because ive loved vaporwave for a long time and it occurred to me that it seemed easy to get into just for fun. it was an easy creative outlet during the worst of covid, and it kept being satisfying. looking back a lot of the stuff i made early on was crap but it was still fun. in late 2021 i got reached out to for an opportunity to have one of my albums featured on this new digital label along with a release on cassette which id get a cut of. i had to make some adjustments which resulted in it eventually being a double-album feature to make it feel substantial enough, but i was really excited. essentially over the course of the next year and a half barely any progress was made on their end, id get very little communication, and while that was happening they were still releasing other albums from other artists. this sucked big time. i eventually got fed up and told them i was out, to which they responded seemingly in earnest, but it felt hollow and like they were trying to make amends far too late to save face. this year and a half led to me making probably some of my best stuff, but it was also the beginning of the end. i was running out of ideas. it wasnt until this year when i really started losing steam, both running out of ideas and motivation. again the stuff i have made this year is among my favorite releases, but lets be real including this i only released 4 completely original albums, 1 expanded re-release and one triple album re-release with just a handful of new songs. it feels like every new release i really have to strain to come up with stuff, let alone try and put it all in a cohesive album concept. when i started, up until early 2022, i was releasing an album every month. i was throwing everything i could at it, and then with the label deal sitting around and me burning through my ideas i finally slowed down to an album every other month. this year there were more and more gaps as i allowed myself some room to breathe and come up with stuff. and it was around the middle of the year when i finally cut my ties with that group and that label. if youre a part of that label and you see this and you figure out this is about you, just keep it to yourself. no drama, not necessarily any bad blood, it just sucked and im done with that part of my life. im now officially giving up on any official obligation to regularly make vaporwave. it served me as a huge passion while it lasted, and it is still fun to make stuff when it comes out good, but its just so much harder now. so maybe ill make another album next month, or the month after. maybe ill make another album in 3 months. maybe 6. maybe a year. maybe 5 years. maybe never. i dunno, i leave that up to future me. i still love vaporwave and id love to have more ideas. maybe i need to explore more rabbit holes of music to inspire me. maybe i need to explore making original music more. who knows. to sum up, this is not goodbye. it's "ill see you when i see you." so ill see you. love you. 

track list:

feeling - 6:46

Say You Love Me - 4:02

Talk to Me - 2:30

does he know - 6:34

感情 - 5:27

this is not goodbye - 3:26

released december 4th, 2023

all sample credits included on bandcamp page

[firsttarotreader]

Sooo I've had the misfortune of going down the Gladiator 2 rabbit hole because of watching the trailer so of course the algorithm right, and forget the trailer, why is Pedro getting so much hate?! Every trailer/trailer reaction has sooo much hate for this man, comments like, he's in everything do they not have anymore Latinos in Hollywood, he can't act, he plays the same character in every movie, he's a lil bitch, who's dick did he suck to be in so many movies, he needs to take a break forever and worse things and these comments have hundreds of likes each! Do you think this is Pedro fatigue, is his time coming to an end? Did he become popular simply for a character that people liked (tlou) for a specific show but people really don't like him, because if I'm being honest most people like just certain rolls he plays like fans of obryan (sorry if spelt wrong) or javi from narcos, joel, or Mando, very few people are fans of everything he does shit even us most the movies hes done are shit, so is he a character actor not a main character actor that's really what I'm trying to say, I think he is and he got lucky with being in 2 hits at once and now Hollywood is trying to milk the poor guy and people are going in fast and for someone like Pedro that has insecurities this aint good, people are even writing that they bring in pedro to kill franchises, theyve also written how if this movie fails its because of him 🤦sorry this is long but no other way to write shorter. But what's your opinion on this hate towards Pedro.

I just think people make hating on the internet a sport. 🤣 They get off on that, like masturbation, or a simple way to relieve their own tensions (also like masturbation lmao). Many are people with no lives or bitter about their lives taking it all out on a target that is actually just fantasy, it’s not towards the real Pedro, it’s imaginary. And obviously many others are just jealous.

[someinstant]

I was tagged by @bright-thorn in a quick get-to-know-you game, and what the heck. I've got time before a meeting, so let's do this!

Tag nine (9) people you'd like to know better!

Last song: "Doo Wop (That Thing)," Ms. Lauryn Hill. Today was our first day back in the classroom for pre-planning, and I have a million things I need to do before I have kiddos in front of me on August 1st. And because one of the things I have to do is check transcripts for all of my rosters-- gotta make sure that my seniors aren't missing any graduation requirements, gotta keep an eye out for ELL and 504 and IEP and gifted services, gotta check that no new transfers have duplicate credits, or aren't placed correctly-- I was working my way through a lot of old favorites today as background music. Stuff that would keep me awake and focused so I wouldn't miss anything critical-- and that I knew well enough for it to not be distracting. So The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill fit the bill and was my last selection of the day.

Currently reading: Oh, like four different things. The City of Brass, by S.A. Chakraborty, which I started reading ages ago and then got distracted by life, so I've started over. A Memory Called Empire, by Arkady Martine, which I started reading during the early summer of 2020 and absolutely adored-- and then both my parents needed major surgeries within the same week, and a week later my gallbladder gave out on me-- and in the chaos and haze of am-I-dying-or-is-my-gallbladder-infected, I couldn't concentrate on it. So I've started it again as well, and it's so brilliant. I love it. But it does take me immediately back to that godawful summer in a very visceral way, which makes me somewhat uncomfortable. A couple of historical murder mysteries. And I've just started The Anarchy by William Dalrymple, which is about the role of the British East India company in South Asia.

Currently watching: Literally? I've got the replay of Stage 3 of the Tour de France Femmes on right now because I couldn't watch it live. (Stupid having to work for a living.) In the greater sense, I've just finished watching The Law According to Lidia Poet on Netflix, which hits all sorts of buttons for me, because I do love a good period mystery show-- especially if it's not set in the UK. Plus the costuming is fabulous. I'm two episodes into the second season of Shadow & Bone, but-- eh, I dunno. I really am only interested in one or two of the storylines, so I'm not sure I'm going to finish it.

Current obsession: I am so sorry to everyone who has suddenly been thrown into my rabid cycling fandom, especially if you started following me for, like, Andor stuff or whatever. I'll be somewhat normal again soon, I promise, and will only occasionally reblog GIFsets of Wout van Aert doing Wout van Aert-ish things until it's time for the Vuelta. What you have to understand is that this is not a new thing for me: I've been following men's pro cycling in the form of the Tour de France since I was... twelve? Thirteen? That's when I got seriously into long-distance cycling for a while, there. And while I'm nowhere near as fit as I used to be and the week-long cycling journeys my dad and I used to do are now well out of my reach, I still watch cycling obsessively. It used to be just the Tour de France, and then I started following riders and related folks on various social media platforms, and then started listening to podcasts, and then I started watching the other Grand Tours, and the past several years I've also gotten sucked into watching the spring Classics, and now I've also fallen down the rabbit hole of women's pro cycling, too. And as an obsession it is at its most all-consuming every year during July, which is when the Tour is on-- and I live blog the whole thing. (Not on this platform, although I've considered it.) Like, I do detailed narrative stage-by-stage write ups. The document for this year's total recap wound up being 46k words long, so. Yeah. Definitely an obsession, and it's one that everyone around me just has to kind of learn to live with during the summer every year.

And if you would like to answer these questions yourself, please consider yourself tagged! I love learning things about folks.

[musical-chick-13]

Barbie Movie = White feminism

I do genuinely get what this movie was going for. And I think what it was going for is genuinely admirable: the idea that, as a woman, even if you do everything """right""" according to prejudiced society, if you are thin and white and young and stereotypically pretty and personable and not intimidating, you will still suffer the effects of misogyny. No woman is immune.

However, I think that message got...muddied. This is probably going to get really long, so I'll put the rest under a cut.

The narrative focus is on how different the Real World is from Barbie Land regarding the treatment of women, but in Barbie Land, there are WOC in positions of political power. Racism and transphobia don't seem to exist (at least, not in any way that we see). These things, as we know, do exist in the real world, so if the intention is to highlight the disparity between locations, the fact that other forms of prejudice are never even MENTIONED is a little odd. I don't think this was done with malicious intent, but as you said, the discussion of feminism in this movie is...very white.

Especially since our female co-lead is a Latina woman. She gives a very vulnerable, deeply personal account of what it's like living in the world as a woman and all the angles of oppression she faces for that (something so emotionally weighty it is the key to the plot's resolution), and there is...zero discussion in any of that about what life is like for her as a woman of color, or any of the expectations that are placed on her because of that. If Gloria's experiences with misogyny are so integral to the movie's themes and to her relationship to the world at large, why not include...anything about racism or racial identity?

I also feel like there's just...a very simplistic view of how the patriarchy works. Which, no, you can't break down the intricacies of an entire oppressive social system in the space of a two hour movie. But to suggest that just...acknowledging? Misogyny? Is enough to successfully fight back against it is...the most charitable thing I can call that is "overly-optimistic."

(Like. Trust me. We're aware of the expectations placed on us as women and how much those suck. We can't "rob the patriarchy of its power" just by talking about the patriarchy.)

And the idea that...just coming into contact with patriarchal ideas will completely brainwash you? I get that everything is exaggerated in Barbie Land and that it's not a one-to-one representation of real life, but that sat...weirdly. With me. Yeah, people are absolutely going to internalize some negative or inaccurate things about women by virtue of living in a patriarchal system, but plenty of women (as well as people of other genders) go through life without falling all the way down the misogyny rabbit hole. Outside of Stereotypical Barbie and Weird Barbie (who both had plot reasons for being "immune"), this was every woman. To the most extreme degree. And, again, I just...kind of question why. What is the implication supposed to be here? Are women inherently comically-susceptible to propaganda? Is it impossible for them to de-internalize misogynistic ideas of their own accord, to the point where someone else who is miraculously free of misogyny needs to "debug" them? The optics of this confuse me a little bit.

And there's some other stuff, too, that fell flat for me. Barbie Land is supposed to be a place where the men are treated like women are treated in real life, but we don't...really see that until much later in the movie, when they talk about how the Kens don't have places to stay and have no political representation. (And, sorry, but the solution to "the Kens have no home" is not "the Barbies need to let them stay with them." It's "build the Kens their own homes and make them accessible." You are entitled to safe and secure housing by virtue of being a person. You are not entitled to sharing housing with someone you're romantically interested in.) And the way that Barbie handles her unwanted relationship with Ken is...pretty much exactly the way women try to navigate unwanted advances from men in real life: avoiding explicitly romantic activities by saying she has social obligations, keeping a physical distance in the hope that he'll give up on trying to kiss her, making her annoyance as clear as she can in the hopes that he'll take the hint and leave her to her own devices. Women in real life do these kinds of things to avoid actively rejecting men (because sometimes actively rejecting them means they hurt us, or worse) and although Barbie's behavior isn't done as a defense against potential misogynistic violence, she's still acting in exactly the same way in exactly the same context as people who do have that fear. Ken is the one instigating this relationship, and Ken is the one who keeps trying to reestablish the relationship's boundaries. So even in the face of all of this, the specific takeaway is supposed to be, "The solution to oppression is not to make men oppressed the way that women are because look how equally horrible it is." But between the way Barbie and Ken's relationship is framed and the lack of specificity in how the Kens are treated, we don't actually have a consistent depiction of men being oppressed in the way that women are, which throws that whole message off.

But mostly...maybe this is just a me thing, but I question why we need a story about how It Would Also Be Bad If There Was A Matriarchy. We can barely even get people to discuss the misogyny that currently exists and admit that it's still a problem; we are not in danger of replacing the current system with the inverse by Going Too Far In The Other Direction, not any time soon. I just don't think that discussion is valuable right now because there's no chance of that outcome--of elevating women so much they become Oppressors Of Men--even happening. (Note: I am aware that some r*df*ms/t__fs are VERY much pro-subjugating-men-because-they're-inherently-evil, they are the minority, the general population is not anywhere NEAR that point of view.)

There were some really good things in this movie. America Ferrerra's monologue about how no matter which way you live as a woman, you're "doing it wrong" was incredibly true and incredibly relevant. The Mattel executive being SO insistent that he Loves Women but has exactly zero of them on his board. The fact that the Ken Movie sold out in-universe and made a bunch of money pre-release just because it was about a man. Making fun of the "Just take a girl's glasses off, then she's Pretty™" trope. THE DEPRESSION BARBIE WITH PANIC-ATTACK BARBIE SOLD SEPARATELY. I laughed a lot and there were a lot of genuinely emotionally-resonant moments, including from the standpoint of "Oh hey, I see/suffer from this type of misogyny too!" But I don't think this movie was saying anything particularly new or profound about feminism. Which it's okay if a movie isn't profound! I like plenty of things that exist just to be fun or enjoyable! But I got the feeling this movie was trying to be profound and make some sort of grand, revolutionary statement. And even if it wasn't, a lot of people are acting like it's the key to solving sexism and I just don't think that's merited.