#but then i KNOW im gonna be back on my wizard bullshit

[tapetum-lucidumb]

i wanna romance the others SO BAD but...

“You plan on romancing Gale again, aren’t you?”

[rainbowgod666]

Wizardposting blogs and my view of them, OR:

My ass out here cataloguing wizards like they're pokemon 💀 i ran out of things to do fr 💀💀💀

@official-megumin: dutch (EDIT. SHE ISNT. I WRONGLY REMEMBERER A POST OF HERS. I KNOW HER ASS IS LIVING [OR FROM] NORTH EUROPE THO) megumin that still has the "only knows one spell and its the stupidest and hardest to unlock and use. Balancing the Meta my ass" problem. In a relationship with @a-sentient-cup

@autism--wizard: just a lil neurodivergent guy that likes spooders. Not much of it really. Possibly strong enough to defeat spiders georg

@the-adhd-sorcerer: moot :) also more powerful than they let on, but its like DBXV2: starter gear and GODLY stats

@mossy--wizard: moss-fueled neurodivergent boi with lots of moss. Yes their blog feels like a wet forest in the sunlight, drying up after a long rain. Not really interacted with them tho...

@wizard-council-bureaucrat: basically the MC of tumblr wizardposting. If they say something its either wizard law or just a suggestion. Probably the only wizard here that ISNT "surprisingly powerful even though their learning was less than advanced"

@wizard-intern: the blorbo.

@the-gnomish-bastard: ok i get that theyre basically pilaf from dragonball, but A: the stew arcanum is REAL bur the 24 gods thing either sounds like bullshit or he made a stew out of 24 REALLY HUBRIS-FILLED PEOPLE (which would explain his "holy fucking shit how are you even capable of HAVING A STRUCTURE WITH THE FUNCTION OF A BRAIN"), B: he was the dude that came up with the whole "floating wizard island thing" (which has so many holes like wtf put it back down) and C: im pretty sure they have been corrupted by some kind of mushroom deity, which would explain the fact that when calling him "stupid" its like SCP-682 saying that humans are disgusting. Because there literally isnt a stronger word in the human language. How in the fuck does someone have so little intellect we have to do like the jewish population of europe after 1945 when they came up with the word "shoah" to describe what happened to them. To the user running that blog. GET SOME PSYCHIATRIC HELP ASAP. Holy shit.

@not-a-suspicious-wizard: "I aM vErY tRuStWoRtHy" dude everyone knows you wanna do some weird "subjugate reality" bullshit. How about you start making drafts and NOT murdering opponents? Seriously dude if you wanna be in charge as long as you dont try weird "consolidating power like its the 1940s" shit its alright. Maybe take some craftmanship things as a hobby! Make your own throne! Come up with something to do when you are too tired to do Dominant King Bullshit! Play modded minecraft/terraria! Make origami! If youre gonna blanket the world in darkness, at least make it look cool and welcoming instead of "inevitable rebel uprising lol have fun with Prophetic Children lmao" :3

@incompetent-wizard: are you SURE youre incompetent? Chances are, you're just unlucky 😊

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Roxy Lalonde, Karkat Vantas

Page 387-391

DAVE: now you know i like to deflect as much as the next person

DAVE: but ive had mad substantial character development in the last few minutes

DAVE: so maybe im willing to entertain the notion that i may be in the wrong here

ROXY: o damn fr?

DAVE: no ive never been wrong in my entire life

DAVE: but if its important to you i can rein it in

DAVE: practically a saint

DAVE: even though the only religions that really existed on the new earth we made was fucked up clown catholicism and sixty-nine troll jesus

DAVE: cant really call the pope and ask to be sainted like back on real earth

ROXY: could u rly

DAVE: yeah thats how it worked

ROXY: i dont believe u but i dont know enough about religion to argue

DAVE: its ok im making most of it up

DAVE: the only god i know is the god of rhymes

DAVE: incase that wasnt clear im the god of rhymes

DAVE: its me

ROXY: i thought u were a god of times

DAVE: amateur mistake

DAVE: the letters are right next to each other

DAVE: even then its not like im using the time stuff much anymore

DAVE: not since...

DAVE: ...

ROXY: i saw u use ur time powers earlier today to make a banana less brown

DAVE: i have explained this over and over

DAVE: you need to eat the banana before it goes bad

ROXY: its not bad just ripe

DAVE: this is fucking outrageous

ROXY: maybe if u stopped slicing fruit with ur sword all the time u might understand

ROXY: the subtle intricacies

ROXY: of fruit science

DAVE: is fruit science just going apeshit on a practically moldy banana

ROXY: lmao

DAVE: dont "luhmayo" me

ROXY: lol

DAVE: like i got time to be lectured by somebody who says "lole"

DAVE: barbaric

DAVE: i come from a more civilized era

DAVE: i drink my scotch as i sit before the mantle

DAVE: having just returned from the hunt

DAVE: a fire in the hearth dwindling down just so

DAVE: ah yes roxy old bean jolly good

DAVE: i hold my pinky out as i take a sip from my chalice because im not a fucking animal

DAVE: you make some sort of unbelievable jest and i say ell oh ell like a real person

ROXY: ok jake english

DAVE: this is the most heinous thing youve ever said to me

ROXY: theres somethin i gotta ask

ROXY: bout u kno who

DAVE: voldemort

ROXY: no

DAVE: is it voldemort

ROXY: its not voldemort

DAVE: you havent mentioned wizards once this conversation so im gonna have to assume its voldemort

ROXY: its about

ROXY: you know

ROXY: dirk

DAVE: ok shoot

ROXY: what do we do

DAVE: what do you mean

ROXY: u know when we catch up

ROXY: what r we gonna do

DAVE: maybe

DAVE: this whole thing is kinda bullshit and we are adults capable of being the people we need to be at the time it is appropriate to be that person

ROXY: what do u mean

DAVE: ok so theres this flower

ROXY: omg not u too with the flower

ROXY: i heard this story like five times

DAVE: oh ok

DAVE: but you get it right

DAVE: the story is what you make it

DAVE: and in that case maybe we are assigning this cosmic importance to things that dont need metatextual meaning

ROXY: i rly dont think thats the point of the story tbh

DAVE: then what do you think it means

ROXY: broson im sayin this with the utmost respect for u

ROXY: its not that deep

ROXY: its just a story

DAVE: then what about this

DAVE: do you think dirks right

DAVE: are we just a story that needs a villain

DAVE: are we heroes rescuing a damsel in distress

DAVE: or are we just people doing things that feel right at the time

ROXY: ya maybe this is just our arc

DAVE: i dont think life is just a series of arcs

ROXY: well to be fair

ROXY: our lives have just been a series of arcs

ROXY: and we r basically rushin off to save a damsel

ROXY: tho dont tell her i said that lmao

ROXY: ofc i want everyone to sort it out

ROXY: hunky dory

DAVE: but thats not what youre asking

ROXY: but thats not what im askin

ROXY: what i wanna know is

ROXY: do u think u can kill him

ROXY: if it comes to it

DAVE: i-

KARKAT: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ROXY: wtf was that

DAVE: he probably found one of callies little gifts

DAVE: been seein a lot more of them lately which debunks his leading theory that theyve been livin in the vents

ROXY: what

DAVE: i cant believe he never told you

DAVE: its all he talks about

DAVE: i told him it was kinda nuts but

DAVE: you know how he can get

ROXY: well i think since jades regular now

ROXY: callies felt more comfortable being up and around

ROXY: before they were just in the room nesting snug as a bug in a rug

DAVE: nesting

ROXY: ya like a bug in a rug what is there to not get lmao

DAVE: well they keep leaving karkat little piles of meat

DAVE: like a cat

ROXY: damb thats adorbs

DAVE: in his shoes

DAVE: at the foot of the bed

DAVE: hes convinced its to dunk on him in some way

DAVE: but thats just karkat being karkat

ROXY: but in the vents tho

DAVE: yeah i dont know man

DAVE: hes obsessed with it

DAVE: for once in his life he doesnt want to talk about it

DAVE: guess well never know

[funky-sea-cryptid]

If it ok to ask, what’s puppet show? That doodle of Yuno got me curious 👀

HI COLUCANA,,,, it's perfectly ok to ask its just also. slightly insane and absolutely busted and its probably bc it stemmed from a goddamn dream.

it's gonna be a long one. tw for fucked up human experimentation and body horror

ok so we all know lilliane vaude fucking HATES finral. like it's an entire thing she's out here deadass telling a child "i dont love you because you're not my son". (she has inferiority issues huh. mad about being a second choice are you?) anyways. i was like 'what if it was worse!' and it did that.

so lilliane on her power trip is like "what if i tortured my stepson :)" and she has a facility in her basement that's theoretically to discover the limits of childhood mana but it's really because she hates her stepson. initially it's just finral down there but she's like "oo you know i gotta find subjects that Aren't finral or else if im found out people will Talk"

enter luck, yuno, and asta, subject numbers 17, 34, and 35 respectively. they're brought in fairly young. luck's put to work fighting and "disposing of" useless subjects (except for finral (1) because unfortunately lilliane cannot kill him bc that will be A Problem). yuno with all his mana quickly becomes one of her favorites, and asta uh.

it's an issue that he doesn't have mana. it quickly becomes not an issue when lilliane ramps his healing factor up to 1000 and now he can regrow organs. so, you know, if finral nearly dies again, she can Fix It.

langris trains against luck (but luck's severely inhibited) to become a magic knight yes he's involved and he has punched spatial magic holes directly into multiple people. he's got a body count of peon children.

anyways asta and yuno make it out by asta dying and ressurecting himself in the Body Pit and yuno throwing such a fit that lilliane just straight up leaves him to die. therefore they escape with their memories and make it back to hage with x100 trauma. asta's goal to become the wizard king is to protect yuno from this happening again bc he blames himself for yuno being taken. yuno on the other hand is like "if im the wizard king,,,, i can fucking Kill Them" he's mad.

finral and luck on the other hand get their memories blocked off and released bc lilliane isnt about to deal with their grimoires yet. now they're out with a bunch of weird scars that neither of them remember. owen is VERY confused.

canon continues as normal up until the magic knights test where langris whoops finral's ass and asta's like "OH YOU THOUGHT" langris realizes exactly who he is and is like "oh. oh no." and immediately tries to kill him.

the elf thing happens before anything goes on but julius got mad suspicious after asta uniquely introduced langris to the crystal (ft yuno freaking out) so after the elf bullshit he's like "hey lilliane :) what's up with uh. with uh. your uh. your lab?" and she's like "oh yk just stuff. you can request an examination if you'd like" and she specifically requests finral + luck bc "i dont want a biased investigation". yami of course has her bitchass READ and sends magna and nessa along with them bc luck, magna, and nessa would Eat Her.

it ends up being just magna and nessa. being confronted with the fact that your life's a lie and you spent your childhood in a laboratory does shit to people. it's a disaster, both luck + finral completely lose it and revert to subject-mode, lilliane Dips Out after magna and vanessa make it out with the others, asta has 37 brand new panics to deal with because now luck recognizes him and his particular breed of trauma has been exposed to the entire squad, yuno becomes even more homicidal. (sylph is terrified btw)

julius ends up smiting lilliane after a very traumatic trial where the captains read all her bullshit files and it's very cathartic for everyone involved (especially sister lily and father orsi, they're angry for the sake of their boys). langris Dips after the trial and yuno catches up with him to Fuck Him Up.

trauma squad back at base is currently undergoing healing (ft ness and mags grieving/relearning their partners). umm yeah its very fun for me personally.

thanks to alex my beloved for helping me with all the plot holes in the initial story and now it's a lot more cohesive <3 and thank you for asking.

[dreamii-yume]

New Episode Update Let’s GOO!!!

Warning : This is just Yume having a mental breakdown, seriously. This episode update was WHACK.

~ MAJOR SPOILERS FOR 68-75 ~

I know we ain’t participating and all but the game reminding you that there’s 10 minutes left to prepare is seriously bad for my heart.

Aah, shiet. Vil is still hurt.

He still has small wounds and scratches that he hid make up. Daddy, I’m worried.

Apparently, yeah, I’m not the only one cause my homeboy, Epel just asked to switch the center role with Vil. THE CONFIDENCE.

Aw, he’s worried about him falling over during stage (And make the performance look bad) Come on, Epel just be honest-

...He finally became the ideal poisoned apple that Vil wanted, huh?

Vil being proud a mom.

But the queen inside him is STRONG.

He’ll embrace the villain in him, OUR QUEEN CAN STILL GO. INJURED, WHO?

...AAND he proceeds to roast Epel again lol Typical Vil.

I love how Epel just accepted a nickname like “Doku Ringo-chan” lol It’s so cute, senior-junior relationship goals right there.

HERE WE GO.

Everyone is actually really confident hahaha

I really wish Deuce’s mom, Ace’s brother, Jamil’s sister, and Vil’s dad were here in person to watch.

HECK I WANT KALIM’S WHOLE FAMILY HERE WHY NOT

T-THEY’RE REALLY LETTING US HEAR THE FULL SONG. 

IS THAT JAMIL RAPPING.

Look at Jamil’s solo SD dancing. LOOK AT IT.

I really fucking love Vil’s singing voice aaa

HIS VOICE IS SO GOOD.

Album when disney.

Is Vil okay.

...aight im hearing some high quality panting here

...dont mind me listening to it a bit too much...

...they’re going to be great reference for some spicy- leave me alone

Vil panting is making me feel SOMETHING.

ANYWAY. THE CROWD IS A MOOD.

IS VIL OKAY.

Unmei no megami is giving me idia ptsd here.

Heartslabyul Senpais are watching their kids, looking all proud *sniff

Oh god, after playing Obey Me, it just occurred to me how similar Cater and Asmodeus’ voices are...

Watch these Senpai dorks act like Ace and Deuce’s second family. Trey being the dad, Riddle being the mom, and Cater being the supportive big bro. It’s so beautiful.

Riddle’s voice is a lot more softer now, I just realized...It’s so soothing...

God i miss u too octavinelle never change

Yeah, why tf did Floyd not audition for this

Bro, can you imagine Nobuhiko Okamoto in the squad as well??? IMAGINE-

Of course, he wasn’t in the mood back then. Of course. Why did i even ask.

IMAGINE FLOYD BEING IN VDC NEXT YEAR.

Omg i miss u too octavinelle never change

Azul’s gonna overblot again with Floyd’s marketing skills lol

Jade coming in like welp i guess thats that. Too bad, huh Azul?

GOD i miss u too octavinelle never change

SAVANA BITCHES HI

I wonder if these mfs knew that Vil just overblotted and malmal was the one who fixed the stage lol

oooh Leona’s sus about something he a sharp boi

Speak up my guy—

still so weird leona taking his job seriously

Malleus looking happier seeing this performance rather than Lilia’s lol

I miss the simpery in Sebek

Silver’s not in the verge of falling into a coma for once wow

Chenya’s so cute.

AND WE’RE BACK TO CUTE HEIGH HO TEAM

fcking shotacons man...im not one to talk

Aw, they didn’t show Neige performance...

The simping in the crowd is a MASSIVE mood.

WHO WINS TELL ME

These night raven fuckers better vote for us and not pull a “oh shie my hand slipped lololol” i swear to god- im gonna throw hands

*me holding my phone and pretending to vote as well

Suspense music intensifies be like-

HAAA

BOIS, ITS ONE VOTE DIFFERENCE WHO IS IT AAAA

WHAT.

HOW DARE- HOW!? HOW DID WE LOSE!?

WE LOST BY ONE VOTE!?

EVERYONE’S SO SHOCKED LOL

vil pls dont overblot again-

Noooo grim’s tuna cans-

WE REALLY LOST TO A LEGIT KIDS SONG.

These children do not have the right to be this cute. I wanna take Timmy, Toby, and Shelpie home.

I swear to god one of these dwarves sounds like Cheka lol Is it Toby?

EPEEELLLL DONT CRRYYYY

KALIMMMM DONT CRRYYYY

KALIM HAVING THE AUDACITY TO SOUNDING LIKE A BIG BROTHER AND THEN CRYING HIS OWN RIGHT AFTER LOLOLOL

I HATE THIS EPISODE YALL MADE MY TWO BOIS CRY IM FIGHTING THIS EPISODE. BURN THIS.

This background music too though im deeeeddd

KALIM IM SO SORRY FOR MAKING A SINFIC ABOUT YOU PLS DONT CRY-

Jamil impressed about Vil being “calm” and Vil just going “h e h. you dont even know.”

....ha...

Monsieur Rook. WHAT did you say.

ROOK VOTED FOR ROYAL SWORD. Are you kidding me. You snek how could you- i loved you

WHAT DID I SAY- Ya’ll night raven fuckers shall not slip by their fingers when voting rook.

Vil is in the brink of passing out aaaaa

I have never heard Ace this pissed before whoa- lol he sounds like Deuce in his delinquent mode

Aw...Rook felt that Neige’s performance carries a stronger bond than theirs :’( it’s hard to put the blame on him when he’s saying all these stuff

It’s just like what they said in the past episodes that it’s really hard voting for your own team when you know the opposing team is better.

Aww...He just wanted Vil to believe in himself more...Rook is such a best man. Im crying-

Oh noooo is Vil gonna cry too nooo- daddy turned to baby really quick SOMEONE GIVE HIM AN EMERGENCY HUG

Well- at least...at least the 100 year record of not being able to win is still going, yeah? Um...bad joke? Sorry, i’ll see myself out-

NEIGE NOT NOW AND YOUR VII-KUN BULLSHIT- we’re having a moment here

Neige is such sweetheart but aaaahh— This makes it worse, we can’t even hate him aaa—

OMG JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THINGS COULDN’T- AAAAA

MONSIEUR ROOK. YOU’RE A FAN OF NEIGE!?

MOTHERFUCKER just got exposed by Neige himself lol

Going to Neige’s shake hand events, sending him letters, buying all his merch and shie- HE’S A FULL BLOWN NEIGE STAN

WTF YOU SNEK GET OUT OF THIS SCHOOL-

OOOOHHH THAT FUCKING ALBUM- HIS “LIFE’S WORK” or whatever bullshit IS FULL OF NEIGE

...actually- my japanese is lacking- im not sure lol what is a ブロマイド??? Lol I feel like a clown.

Rook is sweating profusely LOL

...what do you have to say for yourself, monsieur rook.

Wait- huh is that-

IS HE GONNA CRY-

WHY IS EVERYONE CRYING!??!?!?!

HE’S SILENTLY CRYING AS HE INTRODUCED HIMSELF TO NEIGE WHAT. THE. FUCK IS THIS EPISODE.

Neige fanclub??? Eternal Snow??? What kind of creepy-ass- OH, HE EVEN HAS A MEMBERSHIP NUMBER TOO-

Props to Neige with his :) expression unfaltering.

I’m- I’m speechless.

Vil is just looking down at Rook in disappointment like- “you’re more pathetic than I am”

Queen just went “I think you need this handkerchief more than I do now” THAT’S RIGHT. REPENT MOTHERFUCKER.

Rook crying is cursed.

But damn, I’m kinda liking this new relationship this bitchy relationship they have

Neige just dragged everyone’s ass back on stage and his snow white energy just said “LETS ALL BE FRIENDS AND SING”

NEIGE IS FUCKING GREAT- HE REALLY DID GOT THESE BITCHES TO SING HEIGH HO LOL

ACE’S RELUCTANT SINGING AND DEUCE LOOKING LIKE HE’S HAVING FUN

KALIM IS SUCH A MOOD, SINGING EVEN WITHOUT KNOWING THE LYRICS AND JAMIL JUST HAVING THAT “i want to die” ENERGY

AIGHT. ROOK IS HAVING WAY TOO MUCH FUN AND EPEL IS TRYING HIS BEST. HE’S SO CUTE-

OMG NEIGE AND VIL HAVING SUCH GOOD HARMONY—

YAHOO Y A H O O TANOSHIINDA~~ 

YA’LL SURE ABOUT GIVING ME THIS BLESSED MOMENT??

What a somewhat happy ending, even though Rook just backstabbed us I’m crying Beauté 100 points!!!

LOL Vil realizing he’s having fun singing with Neige- “SOMEONE JUST END ME RIGHT NOW-“ The desperation in his voice-

I love how Neige’s yahoo yahoo is messing with everyone’s head, even Vil wants to pass out lol

haha Crowley is so depressed lol

WHA- WHO-

HEADMASTER OF ROYAL SWORD!?

He looks like your typical grandpa- and his outfit looks like that one mickey mouse wizard outfit but blue—

Old man just went “we won lol” just to piss Crowley off I like this guy’s energy already-

Crowley being most likely as old as this guy—

ooohh this man just sensed something in this stage- Leona did too, didn’t he???

* Damn. Crowley talking so fast sounds like he’s making a load of bullshit lol

Anyway, I’m just glad that it’s not mickey mouse who’s the headmaster— I would’ve lost my shit.

We’re back in our dorms and I forgot that the squad doesn’t live with us anymore. It’s suddenly so lonely now...

Grim is getting the yahoo yahoo ptsd too lol it’s too goddamn catchy

oooohh shiet- mickey is calling us again

YES we finally got a good picture of this motherfucker

It seems like nothing is disrupting our communication this time, so MC thought to call Grim but—

Grim is not here.

Uuhhh...Grim? Where you’ve gone??? We’re getting flashbacks of the first parts of the game.

We went out to find Grim and HE’S CHOMPING ON ANOTHER BLACK STONE ON THE STAGE-

GRIM SPIT THAT OUT YOU LOOK TERRIFYING

AAAAAHH GRIM HAS GONE FERAL— He’s attacking US

Is this because we didn’t win his tuna canss nooo

NoOO SWEET BABY COME BACK.

Legit I’m sad, please baby don’t overblot like this...

He learned a new move though- SCRATCH

Ooh— We’re seeing some Ignihyde scenes here~

P U H I H I

Idia getting a lot of emails from bigshot companies whoa—

THAT OLYMPUS—?! EXCUSE ME??? Ortho what- Are we finally getting that Hercules episode—

Damn getting a hot chance in olympus only to put them down the recycling bin oof— Idia why edit : Yume was informed that olympus is kind of a company that sponsored VDC sorry she was mind-fucked at this moment and the ability to understand proper Japanese just went whoosh lol Thanks to @starshiningsirius for pointing it out for Yume~ ♥︎ HONESTLY YUME’S JUST GONNA WAIT FOR ACTUAL PROFESSIONAL TRANSLATORS AT THIS POINT LOL Don’t trust me for important situation too much lol

Aaaahh...We’re getting this shut-in out of his room in the next episode, are we?

And that concludes the whole Pomefiore Episode! JESUS CHRIST 75 CHAPTERS ALL IN ALL!? How long is the Ignihyde chapter going to be, huh!?

This was a really, really fun episode lol I’d consider this a fan service episode actually cause of all the things we get to experience— The singing, dancing, and the new songs, THE DRAMA. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

But then, the plot thickens, no? What’s going to happen to Grim? In the Ignihyde episode? And those reoccurring memories of us? And our relationship with Tsunotarou lol ALSO WE NEVER REALLY DID FIND OUT WHAT ROOK’S UNIQUE MAGIC IS. DISNEY EXPLAIN—

Thanks for reading this shitpost of Yume losing her shiet lol See you all in the Ignihyde Episode~ ❤

[destiny-moonforge]

give me the thoughts on Baba Yaga and young Cyrus I am in desperate need of food

this is gonna be messy as FUCK because i have many thoughts and none are coherent or written down elsewhere so i apologize HEAVILY in advance because this is all off the top of my head but, HERE WE GO

SO AS WE'RE AWARE, POPULAR FANON IS THAT VLADAN DRAKE IS A BITCH ASS MOTHER FUCKER and you know what? i buy into that idea.

anyways baba yaga shows up one day and kicks malistaire's ass in pvp as stated by ravenwood rollcall and cyrus is INSPIRED to become a myth wizard because of that (honestly, iconic). baba yaga decides it's Free Son Estate during whatever amount of time she spends in dragonspyre with the twins after seeing vladan drake being a Bitch but that's a ramble for another post

malistaire ends up staying with sylvia in dragonspyre but after cyrus finishes up his required service in dragonspyre however long that takes i like to think he showed up in polaris first on his grand tour to find baba yaga and he ended up becoming her pupil for some time!

they end up growing pretty close i like to imagine. she'd get on cyrus's case for sitting outside in the freezing cold because even though he's taken up myth magic and studying takes up the majority of his time, painting is still his passion, u know? she supports his endeavors but put on some fucking mittens, drake, you'll end up with frostbite.

like. you know that witch's hut painting and the paintings in baba yaga's office in the arcanum? those were all done by cyrus like thirty-something or whatever (time is weird in this game) years ago. she's kept them to this day.

they kind of had that kind of friendship where they'd rib each other all the time and banter and insult one another especially during cyrus's training. (also, she definitely sent cyrus looking for the infamous truffula leaves.)

eventually she shooed cyrus out off into the spiral, you've learned all you can from this old iceblock, boy, but they kept contact and cyrus would send back postcards and doodles and little trinkets to her throughout his travels like he did for malistaire and sylvia because she was family to him, too.

i think that it got harder to keep contact when cyrus started teaching at ravenwood and they go years without consistent letters. by the year malistaire died, there were no letters at all. they kind of just fell out of contact and got a bit estranged from one another. hence cyrus's line before the YW goes off to polaris,

we don't really seem have any canonical info on their relationship other than whats mentioned in cyrus's dialogue in the polaris prequest and in ravenwood rollcall. this could be interpreted as them having a falling out or something but since my heart can't take that right now i just like to think they slowly fell out of contact.

whatever happened id love to see them make amends / pick up contact again and maybe even see each other again. i know it'd probably never happen in game because the focus is on the player character, of course, but hey, at least we have headcanons and speculation to make the universe feel just that much more whole and the characters that much more real.

this is all probably like 90% incoherent and i'm sorry, i'm not used to writing long HC posts so im just spouting bullshit here probably haha but i'll clean them up at some point. probably. maybe. hopefully. someday. one day. somehow.

[jelloopy]

TAZ Grad Ep 27

The boys are in front of the Godscar chasm  (This is spooky right off the bat lets see where this goes)

FUCK Argo rolled a 1 and is being strongly affected by the chasm he grabs onto Fitz’ shoulder for balance (Maplekeen shippers come get yall juice.)

T h e m u s i c (I will lose my mind as soon as this album is out good lord)

Argo is seeing himself attacking his boys? (Holy shit where is this going?)

IT WAS A FUCKING DREAM THANK FUCKING GOD (This better not be one of those things like Duck had in Amnesty I’ll fight.)

Griffin being pissed that he rolled a nat 20 on perception in a fucking dream and declaring that he’s withholding that until a more opportune time.

Uh oh…. Where are Firbolg and Fitz?

awe they left him a note! It’s okay!

GRAY BETTER BACK OFF IM ALREADY PISSED IM NOT EVEN 6 MIN INTO THE EPISODE AND IM ALREADY DONE. THIS MOTHER FUCKER NEEDS TO DIE AND QUICK. s t o p h u r t i n g a r g o 2 0 2 0

”That’s just dad’s inner monologue” that’s… awe come on “sorry my son came in here and said that bullshit” “awe Henry come on man” “being a bad son is genetic it seems” (Pure gold I love this family)

Sabor saying he was “somewhere else for a second” (does not give me the best vibes ngl…. Sabor’s p sus)

Justin’s new podcast law around Sabor and Firbolg. (Tbh I was a big fan of the slow arduous talking scenes but I will live I suppose…)

Sabor…………………… why are you so sus rn. Ur just tired. Stop being cryptic p l e a s e.

”I have been giving this much thought” “hell yes.”

FESTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE MUSIC CAME ON AND I BECAME INSTANTLY FERAL HOLY CRAP FESTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (I have been waiting for their return omfg)

”Would you like to party with the fairy’s?” “I need some sort of survival guarantee that I’ll make it through the evening” (This is an extremely viable request)

“Snippers don’t be like that…” “It’s okay I’m flattered!” (I need subtitles for Snippers p l e a s e)

“But this Lil guy is my familiar. He’s not the source of my magical powers, as far as I know… that would be a pretty late season twist.” “DAMNIT GRIFFIN YOU FIGURED IT OUT! All magic in Nua flows through snippers”

FESTO AND GORDY HAVE PARTIED TOGETHER WHAT A DUO (I need fanart of them STAT)

damnit they haven’t partied with Chaos

OH SHIT they don’t know about Fitzroy’s connection with Chaos

oop this is…. Oop. “if your source of magic is external you should not have been able to access it within the crypt.”

 “I also have a habit of delighting people” “HM!”

He lovingly refers to them as his “Boys”

“that wasn’t Argo that was your dad” “CLINT?! THE POWERFUL WIZARD!?” (Clint is truly a multidimensional and plane hopping wizard. We stan)

“we need a name for this multiverse that Clint Travels through” “How about the Clinterous” “TRAVIS. Honestly Travis! Are you fucking kidding me?!” (I………… why Travis… why)

Thank god they all use the restroom before they leave

Argo was literally stabbing in his sleep….?

Firbolg’s first pair of shorts! ‘N he enjoys them. V v happy with this

This means that Gray is actively in Argo’s mind, twisting what he hears! That’s dogshit he needs to stop (s t o p h u r t i n g a r g o 2 0 2 0)

Firbolg has yet to tell them about his dad’s passing and Fitz’ respects that. Argo on the other hand goes ahead and pries in on it.

(Fits their characters tbh)

“Are we just not going to class anymore?” “It’s all Virtual” (I had to stop and laugh for a good minute bc of the delivery by Justin. It got me)

Hero is in front of the Chasm… bb are you ok...

Fitz’ whistling to get Hero’s attention… (Fitz… he’s not a Dog anymore bud…)

Hero has been working up the courage to explore the Chasms! (Pls take him with you)

“you were a dog for a long time you think that you’d be used to people cleaning up your mess” it gets a smile out of hero AND Firby starts to dance! (I need all of the Firby cosplayers to make a TikTok with this and I need all artists to draw this stat. I need the dopamine p l e a s e)

“He does this any time he makes a slam dunk of a joke we just have to let him finish”

God I love when they back up for a min and do some good ol table talk

”I’m talking as a human being Justin Mcelroy father of two.”

“If you guys win a demon war? It’s at least an A-” “what would it take to get the A+?” “You could bring me a fruit basket” (The absolute Corruption… lmao)

Niceee Hero is gonna go work with Althea this is gonna be great.

Yes griffin giving that perception check NO CLINT WITH THAT FUCKING NAT 1 (Clint needs new dice that are blessed please)

Fitz sees Argo take out his blade and sees a look in his eyes. Firby sees it too. (aaaaaand I was right it was one of those “Duck” scenarios ….. damnit)

Firby uses thorn whip around Argo’s wrist and he doesn’t fight it. ( :(  )

Fitz insists that he goes into Argo’s mind to see what’s going on and Argo agrees but as Fitz gets near him he puts up a fight… (This is getting quite concerning)

FIRBOLG CASTS HOLD PERSON. HOLY SHIT. BRO. (I did not know he could do that… damn alright…)

Clint your VA is so good I adore you so much. (I just need to tell him that he is doing an amazing job. Pulling at my heartstrings constantly)

Maplekeen shippers come get your angst (I don’t ship it myself but I cannot imagine what the tags are gonna look like after this bc damn…)

CLINT YOU NEED TO FUCKING GET RID OF THAT D20 DUDE

Gray is in Argo’s mindscape. Mother FUCKER.

Fitz casts Thunderwave at Gray on-site and a Lil to cocky like Gray puts up a hand to block it but underestimates Fitz and goes flying about 10ft back (This is… mmmmm yes I’m very comfortable with the energy we’ve created in the studio today)

“Stop fucking cheating!” (YO HE CURSED REALLY WELL!!!!!! He’s learning!)

YEAH! THAT’S RIGHT MOTHER FUCKER BE SURPRISED BY FITZ AND RUN AWAY YOU COWARD (God I hate this dude)

“Festo wouldn’t do anything to hurt me” *silence* (Sus)

The portal in the Chasm... ever-growing… Opalescent being with white eyes...

ORDER?!

I’m very intrigued. I enjoy how Fitz is annoyed instead of angry most of the time. It really brings into perspective that this is kinda a useless war that doesn’t need to happen. That also the Warforged from the last episode was onto something with the question of “why six months?).

[citromboy]

hi, im asking about your dnd characters? 🌿

HI LEAFY!!! thank u so muc i apologize for only answering now, it took me some time to collect my thots

i'll update this later with songs that feel like their vibes later! anyways most of their names are puns, usually in hungarian so yeah

Vilaaghito Toroñ - firbolg gloom stalker ranger

dude was a lighthouse guard (alone for Years) and kept the weird shit coming out of the ocean in check but something happened to the lighthouse and now he's running around trying to solve the situation. also he's a himbo with two swords.

Ross Dontaesh - half elf warlock of the archfey/celestial (pact of the chain)

so this dude is blind. there are two main ideas:

he gets a tattoo of some god to maybe get his sight back but it's fucked up and it might be a different diety idk exactly or

he stumbles into the feywild and makes a deal with the fae somehow idk

but anyways he gets a familiar from the pact and he can see through it. but get this. neither of them know how this is supposed to work. they keep amending the pact. it's just them constantly bullshitting each other and it's a headache for both of them.

i would love the archfey patron bc of the whole fae tricks thing but imagine a healing as a warlock of a celestial patron. like yes i cast eldritch blast. yes i heal. no bc i dont. yes i just did. we exist♥

Seraphino Withaneff - blue dragonborn tempest cleric/storm herald barbarian

idk storms are neat that's it. lighting and thunder. i dont really have anything specific in mind, just the vibe. but this is my second himbo character

Kophy - halfling divination wizard with the lucky feat

originally i just wanted to mess with the dm but the character grew on me. when she was young, she saw a vision of herself in the future, all powerful and shit but she also felt all the struggles she was gonna go through. so she decided to not pursue that, instead went for a major that is sought after and pays well (divination) and decided that she was gonna live a chill life instead. that is, until one day she somehow ended up in the party, accidentally causing the vision she was trying to avoid to be set into motion.

yes i poured all my gifted kid burnout feelings into her shut up

Feng??? - air genasi way of shadow monk

okay so i dont have a lot of ideas about them, just two facts:

they are missing one arm so all the unarmed attacks are just kicks bc i think that would be badass + backstory options

they get the levitate spell as an air genasi so they can sneakily just. walk on the ceiling. they can also teleport around bc shadow monk stuff. badass!!!

Rose Petals - wood elf arcane archer (i know i know, a fighter???)

new money going to fancy university where he's learning some magic but also diplomacy, anyways he gets expelled so he works for his moms' delivery service and he picks up a bow for self defense and wow he exists

Honorable Mentions!

creepy-wise grave cleric who keeps talking about creatures having been marked for death after the party kills them, bc if they weren't marked for death, then they wouldn't have been in the party's way

a gay sailor/pirate. that's it. probably a bard or a rogue. probaly a himbo

[akechicrimes]

7 or 71 for either shuake or yukamitsu [big eye emojis]

7. “I told you that I’d never leave you; I’m not going anywhere.”

On Goro’s thirty-fourth birthday at ten-thirty in the morning, Akira calls him at work and says, “Happy birthday, dear. I just got hit by a car, and I need to know what color bike you want.”

*

On Goro’s thirty-fourth birthday at ten-thirty in the morning, Akira calls him at work (which Goro dubiously eyeballs for a whole four seconds before picking up) and says, “Happy birthday, dear. I just got hit by a car, and I need to know what color bike you want.”

Well, neither Goro nor Akira own a car for Akira to drive, so that means Akira got hit on foot. Goro is very calm, and has no immediate panic response to that, because he’s a rational and responsible adult. “Are you dead?” Goro asks.

“Probably not.”

“And is there a reason you’re calling me instead of the ambulance?”

“Oh, I’m fine. I think I have a bruise on one of my legs, if that counts. But I was riding your bike when it happened, so the bike got totaled, so, you know. They’ve got the same model you had, but there’s tons of new colors, if you want pictures.”

Goro takes a very long, very deep breath. Goro is very, extremely calm. “Anything is fine,” he says. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, hundred percent. I even landed on my feet; you should’ve seen it.”

“You should go to the ER anyway,” says Goro, in a voice that is truly the epitome of calm.

“I mean, I guess I could, but that seems like a waste of time. And I don’t want to just leave your bike in the middle of the road.”

“Throw it away if it’s wrecked, then.”

“But it deserves a proper send-off.”

“You’re doing this to me on my birthday, Kurusu.”

“I’ll go to the ER if you go with me,” says Akira hopefully, who is a perennially bad influence who is of the opinion that Goro should have just said he’d be ‘working from home’ and spent the day with him.

Goro takes a look at his calendar, tallies up how many meeting he’d have to reschedule, and waits a whole five seconds before he lets himself say, “Fine,” because Akira just said that he’s fine and Goro isn’t upset and everything is so calm that Goro can wait five seconds before agreeing to leave work. “I’ll see you at Leblanc.”

“Wait, wait, which color for the bike? They’ve got green, blue, a red, a kind of fun rose-gold thing, which is a bit excessive considering it’s a bike, and teal, and a kind of blue and orange Naruto-y thing…”

“Anything is fine.” Goro stops. “Except the last one.”

“Red it is! See you in a bit.”

“Don’t ride that bike back to Leblanc,” says Goro, as if lightning might strike twice on the same day on the same man riding the same model bike of the same color, but Akira’s already hung up. Goro speed-drafts a rescheduling email, copy-pastes it to four different people, and then sprints out the office door without even a goodbye to his coworkers.

*

Friday, 11:16 AM

FUTABA: hey

FUTABA: hey goro

FUTABA: hey gorororororororororo

FUTABA: HEY MR AKECHI KURUSU

GORO: If it’s about the traffic accident, I heard about it.

GORO: I’m going back to Leblanc now.

FUTABA: no it’s smthg else

FUTABA: well it is about the accident but i got smthg else for u

FUTABA sent MOV19.mp4

FUTABA: ripped this from the traffic cam

GORO: Is this footage of the accident?

FUTABA: yeehaw

GORO: …Thank you for the offer, but I don’t know if I want to see this.

FUTABA: ok i hear u but i promise it’s hilarious

FUTABA: and also u might feel better if u see it

FUTABA: like idk what he told u on the phone but like

FUTABA: look the car even slowed down at the intersection

FUTABA: the dude was obeying traffic laws and everything he was doing something like ten under the speed limit

FUTABA: the car ENTIRELY missed akira

FUTABA: got the bike full on

FUTABA: and then he just rolls up across the hood and up the windshield like a looney toon

FUTABA: rip ur bike tho it just goes cronch

FUTABA: instant pretzel

FUTABA: ty bichael for ur sacrifice

FUTABA: also idk i figured you

FUTABA: might wanna see for urself that he’s okay

FUTABA: like u can see him stand up at the end and he’s not even confused or anything he’s super duper ok

FUTABA: he’s not bullshitting u over the phone and pretending he’s ok when he’s not ok

FUTABA: u know how he does lmao

GORO: …Huh.

GORO: He really did land on his feet for a whole second there, didn’t he?

FUTABA: yeah like a cat

FUTABA: it’s nuts tbh

FUTABA: and then he remembers he’s a human and falls on his ass LMAO

FUTABA: show it to morgana i want his professional kitty cat opinion on the matter

FUTABA: rate akira’s near death experience

FUTABA: also the driver was v nice and v apologetic and he gave akira his insurance

FUTABA: but i have his home address and work address and phone number and the name of his dog if you want it

GORO: Just the insurance will be fine.

FUTABA: kk

GORO: …And thanks for sending the video.

GORO: Even though I already knew he was fine.

FUTABA: you know those like

FUTABA: itty bitty teeny weeny micro dogs

FUTABA: that are like four and a half pounds

FUTABA: but they think they can take any mfer on the block out of sheer will alone

FUTABA: and theyve always got their eyeballs bulging out and they pick fights with 70 pound dogs

FUTABA: and they have only two emotions which are rage and anxiety and they shake constantly because theyre only four pounds and they have So Much Emotion and nowhere to put it so they vibrate at the speed of sound

GORO: Is this a metaphor about me.

FUTABA: it’s a metaphor about you

FUTABA: because i can hear your shaky angry anxious four pound vibrating all the way from the other side of tokyo

GORO: You are the smallest, angriest, most anxious person I know, who regularly picks fights with international hacking organizations and billion-dollar companies.

GORO: And I, somehow, am the angry shaky dog.

FUTABA: your husband got hit by a car on ur birthday

GORO: I know that.

GORO: I do not need to be reminded.

FUTABA: ah yeah

FUTABA: sorry

GORO: He’s fine.

GORO: He said he’s fine.

GORO: And from this footage, he’s more than fine.

FUTABA: he is super double extra fine with a side of fine

GORO: Unless this footage was in any way edited.

GORO: And unless he was faking his call, somehow.

GORO: In which case, I’m going to walk into Leblanc and find out that he was just pretending to be okay so he could hear my voice one last time and Leblanc will be swarming with police officers to break the news the newly bereaved.

GORO: But that’s not going to happen.

GORO: Because Akira is fine, and I’m perfectly fine.

FUTABA: im rly glad to hear my man

GORO: This footage isn’t edited, is it.

FUTABA: no

GORO: Are you very sure?

GORO: Videos are easily modified.

GORO: Would you even know if it was edited?

FUTABA: yes im a literal wizard of course i would know

FUTABA: where are u even getting this idea from

GORO: The entire series of events is unrealistic, isn’t it?

GORO: You said yourself that it was almost like something out of a cartoon.

GORO: The likelihood that someone gets hit by a car and comes out of it entirely no worse for wear is practically ridiculous.

FUTABA: i ripped that film straight from the cam it is entirely unedited

GORO: But how can you be sure? Did you see him in live camera?

FUTABA: i mean no but he texted me

GORO: What if that was his dying text.

FUTABA: i rly dont know if his dying text would have been the “i lived bitch” meme with the cat filter

FUTABA: he’s fine dude

FUTABA: that’s why i sent you the video

GORO: I KNOW he’s fine.

GORO: I’m asking if there’s any solid evidence.

FUTABA: THE VIDEO

GORO: I’m going to call him. Brb

FUTABA: so what he can tell you he’s fine AGAIN and you’ll be like

FUTABA: “oh but what if it was secretly a pod person who stole his body after he died tragically after calling me one last time to hear my voice”

FUTABA: he is FINE

FUTABA: like go ahead and call him if u want but

FUTABA: the only person who was gonna edit that footage was me

FUTABA: and if he were dead i would not be functioning enough to be doing any kinda photoshop like that

FUTABA: let alone LIE to you jesus christ!!!!!

FUTABA: god

FUTABA: i pronounce you King Shaky Dog

FUTABA: the tiniest and angriest and shakiest and most anxious four pound goblin

FUTABA: i will reclaim my title tomorrow

FUTABA: for now it’s my birthday gift to you

FUTABA: the title of Shaky Dog allows you to go absolutely apeshit and nobody will judge you

GORO: You know I hate birthday presents.

FUTABA: did you call akira

GORO: I hate birthday presents so much that I will be refusing my title as King Shaky Dog and will henceforth not be going ape shit.

FUTABA: ok so

FUTABA: i didnt mean to

FUTABA: get snippy with you or anything

GORO: It’s fine.

GORO: I wasn’t… exactly polite, myself.

GORO: So.

FUTABA: um

FUTABA: you really can call him if you want

FUTABA: there’s nothing wrong with that

FUTABA: between u and me……………………. i definitely did that more than once for a lot lesser reasons than someone getting hit by a car

GORO: My stop is in less than thirty seconds.

GORO: I will probably live.

FUTABA: lmao ok well

FUTABA: if u change ur mind about losing ur shit then please know i gave u that footage in the first place because i think if something like that happened to MY partner i would mcfreakin lose it

FUTABA: speaking of her

FUTABA: sumi says happy birth btw

FUTABA: but cuter because u know how she is

FUTABA: “happy birthday crow-senpai~~~~~~~~” in her shy voice that makes u wanna die

FUTABA: ofoogofhghhfoghfhhghfh g gh SUMI ur so cute ilysm

GORO: Tell her I said thanks.

GORO: And stop telling me how much you love her and use the ring you made me go ring shopping with you for.

FUTABA: HHHHH

FUTABA: im being cyberbullied for being a cowardly lesbian

GORO: I’m at my stop, by the way, so I’m going offline.

FUTABA: which tbh i probably deserve

FUTABA: oh kk see u

FUTABA: watch the video again mr shaky dog

FUTABA: akira is fine

FUTABA: everyone is alive

FUTABA: you are one year older

FUTABA: happy birthday goro

*

The bike is totaled.

Akira isn’t the sort of person to dump a piece of trash right in front of Leblanc, but it’s hard to miss sticking out of the nearby public trash bin. The back wheel has exploded into serrated wheel-spokes and limb rubber bits that Akira’s shoved into the trash as best as he could. The body of the bike is crushed in on itself, exposing its sharp hollow innards; the handlebars resemble a badly-tied knot. The front wheel is left to stick up and out, creaking gently, spinning overhead from half a hinge like a head not quite fully severed.

The cafe is empty except for its usual barista who, of course, is a very normal and mild-mannered barista, who has nothing to do with the several hundred millions worth of dollars of repatriated art hiding in the attic en route back to South Korea. That would be illegal, of course, and Akira Kurusu-Akechi has never once in his life done anything illegal in the name of what’s morally right. “Welcome back, dear,” says Akira, and hangs up a coffee mug to dry, and it’s so normal that Goro is convinced that either he’s experiencing yesterday, or maybe he’s re-experiencing the year 2016 all over again, or maybe Akira really is dead and this is just his ghost.

Goro sits in his usual spot at the bar. Same chair, sixteen years later. Unbelievable. Maybe Goro’s giving him a little bit of a dumbfounded look, because Akira tilts his head, leans across the bar, and pecks Goro on the cheek.

“Where’s Sakura?” Goro asks.

“Having his midday old man nap. So,” says Akira, looking pleased with himself, “either we can close Leblanc for an hour and raid the kitchen and make lunch, or we can close Leblanc and go out and have a fancy lunch. Your choice because I already made dinner reservations and we’re doing those no matter what.”

Goro really means to give him an answer, because Akira really does love Goro’s birthday every year and never fails to pick someplace nice for the day, but instead what comes out of his mouth is: “Did you ride the new bike back home?”

“Yeah, I did. Figured I might as well take it for a test drive. It’s a good bike.”

“Why didn’t you take the subway?” Goro says sharply.

“Didn’t have my card.”

“You just rode the bike all the way across Tokyo?”

“It wasn’t all the way across Tokyo, just a bit away and back… Goro?”

Ah, Goro’s going to become one of those people who has a meltdown any time their loved one gets on a plane or a train or ksomething else associated with heebie-jeebie nonsense magical thinking. Great. Fantastic. God dammit.

“Do you really want me to go to the ER?” Akira asks eventually.

Goro really wants Akira to have never gotten hit in the first place, but people don’t get what they want and sometimes the universe decides to send one bad fucking driver through a red light and take away Akira’s entire life in a split second—one mistake, a coincidence at the wrong place and time, and the boy who fought God and won is a smear of bones on the pavement.

This would be different if it were sixteen years ago, and Goro had the power to bend people’s minds in half until they broke, or dive into the deepest, bloodiest parts of the collective psyche and pummel the worst of them to a pulp—but what’s he going to do here? Lambast a guy who was going ten miles under the speed limit and just wasn’t looking the right way? Is he going to summon a new Persona from his soul and undo time itself?

Can he do anything if the universe decides, one day, that Akira’s time on this earth is up? He spent all those years desperate for power, and then abusing that power, and then desperately guilty for having abused that power, and then desperately trying to get up that power, and now here he is with the power to do jack shit when his husband almost gets run over and if the Metaverse were still around he swears he would have carved Loki from his own soul out of sheer fury alone—

“No,” says Goro sharply, and stands up. “It’s nothing. I’m not hungry, and I’m going for a walk. Please don’t text me unless it’s an emergency.”

“What—hey! Goro, wait, wait—”

“I’m getting some fresh air!”

Akira’s scrambling to get out from behind the bar. “Didn’t you just get here—?”

Goro spins around and points a finger at Akira like it’s his fault: “You were the one,” he snarls, “who promised, when we got married, that we’d always be together. And now you get hit on a bike, and then stand up like it’s nothing and—and get on another bike and go cycling around the exact same streets where you got hit—? Aren’t you scared? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

Akira falls silent. “I didn’t go back to the same intersection,” he says at last.

Goro can’t take this. “I’m taking a walk.”

“Wait wait wait, Goro, just—” Akira grabs Goro’s hand and Goro has the sudden urge to yank his arm away, but Akira’s hand is also incredibly real, just like it felt this morning and yesterday and the day before that and all the days Goro ever took Akira’s living, breathing body for granted. “I didn’t think it was a big deal. He was going, I dunno, twenty miles per hour at most. It was an intersection. He’d slowed down beforehand and everything, and I didn’t even get hurt on the fall.”

Right, because Goro’s the one who’s just freaking out for no reason. Right. Okay. Because that’s how he is, isn’t he, always being dramatic over little things. Right. Of course. This is fine.

When Goro doesn’t turn around, Akira moves around to the front to look him in the eye. “Sorry if I made you worry,” says Akira. “But it was really nothing at all.”

“Maybe it was nothing this time,” says Goro forcefully. “But what about the next time—the next car—the next time you borrow my bike? What about tomorrow? Or the day after that? Literally any one of the hundreds and hundreds of days coming up where you could easily die just as easily as you died today.”

“Then I’ll escape death hundreds and hundreds of times,” says Akira.

Goro scoffs.

“I mean it. I was a Phantom Thief, wasn’t I? I escaped death more than once. Did it again today. I’ll do it as many times as it takes until we’re both old and grey.” Akira takes Goro’s hand, but it’s Goro who laces their fingers together.

“Sometimes it doesn’t work that way,” says Goro, like a bad echo of his ten-year-old self, trying to figure out what kind of world would let his mother die.

“I’m just keeping my promise,” says Akira. “I told you that I’d never leave you. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Sometimes that’s not your decision to make.”

“It is and I’ve decided I’m immortal until you die.”

Goro scoffs. “Don’t be arrogant.”

“Is it being arrogant? I didn’t let death steal you away from me. I’m not letting it steal me away from you, either.”

“Sometimes…” Goro begins.

“'Sometimes’ what?”

'Sometimes’ what?

Sometimes things get worse. People die early, and unfulfilled; they streak through the sky in a blaze and then wink out, without even a burst of fire to show for it. Sometimes nobody gets a say in what happens, and plans don’t pan out, and wishes aren’t granted, and everything happens for no good reason and no good end.

Today, Goro Akechi-Kurusu is thirty-four years old, about sixteen years older than he ever figured he was going to be. He has a career in a non-profit for maladjusted youth getting reacclimated to school systems and preparing for college, instead of the career in law he figured he’d have if he actually lived that long. He doesn’t just have one friend, but multiple friends. He has, unbelievably, a husband, which honestly still floors him to this day, considering that he was and maybe still is convinced that marriage is a scam devised by asshole men like his father to manipulate young women into a false sense of security. The other day, Akira mentioned that he wanted to get a cat to keep Morgana company, maybe in a few years when they moved into a pet-friendly apartment, and in Goro’s head, it made sense that they would both be alive and together entire years in the future for them to get a cat.

Today is already an impossible day, isn’t it?

“Sometimes,” says Goro flatly, “you say ridiculous things, and I think that you could actually pull it off.”

Akira grins. Akira leans in for their regular greeting kiss when one of them comes home, but this time, Goro closes his eyes, leans into it, really tries to memorize the feel of Akira’s lips on his. Every line and scar on his hands, the odd ends of his fingernails, that familiar way he waits for four beats, then takes a breath through his nose and kisses Goro again, and never can quite seem to avoid kissing him more on the bottom lip than the top. “I don’t make promises I can’t keep,” he says plainly not three inches from Goro’s face. “It’s bad form to leave a calling card and never show up.”

Goro smiles. “Then I won’t let you break your word.”

When Akira pulls away, he kisses the back of Goro’s hand, like a proper gentleman thief of old. “Happy birthday, dear,” he says, and surprisingly, despite the way this awful day started off, Goro thinks that Akira might be able to pull that promise off, too.

[aberfaeth]

top five movies and/or top five d20 moments!! 💖💖

i will do both. thakn u sav i love yelling

movies (in no particular order except #1 which is my #1) ( please dont judge me on my taste it is good some times and abysmal at others)

1. the princess bride! this is my favorite movie of all time. i am dead serious when i say i can quote this movie from beginning to end. its one of those things where its been my favorite movie for like FOREVER so it sort of just chills out in that spot but also it is SOOOOOO GOOD it really is. 

2. into the spiderverse! changed the game of animation forever changed my HEART forever. it has such a baller soundtrack and everything about this movie is so golden from the art style to the plot to the characters to the voice actors. it made me feel every emotion on the spectrum of human emotion and it is a good movie for ANY mood at all

3. the force awakens! there was something so so special about going to the theater and seeing finn and rey for the first time <:3 it is sooooo good and also hey its super funny how they only made one sequel movie and then the rest of it is just tell me about the big bang by nina varela. super wild

4. mission impossible iv: ghost protocol. listen ok i know this is objectively probably not a very good movie HOWEVER. i think its neat. no i dont like hte other mission impossibles its literally just this one. its a mystery to me too but its such a comfort movie

5. now you see me! its the snarky found family magicians and HEISTS! and fuck rich people! and magic! and dave franco as jack wilder setting me back in my discovery of my own lesbianism by maybe a calendar year on account of the wild comphet crush i had on him in that movie gjfvkgfvs ignore that ANYWAYS its good

d20 moments (in no particular order) (a lot of this is TUC i know. i dont explain my poetry often)

1. hairy baby scene. emily and murph’s married energy, lou losing it, murph’s hairy baby dance. this was the peak of comedy. literally never another my guy

2. what are you even DOING dude if kug’s involved? yeah! Im so far back . what the fuck are you even doing dude Get outta here man! Fuckin sick dude (Im not sick ) Fuckin sick man. Youre sick! I got like uhh fuuckin Eight Youre SICK! youre sick, dude Sick! (okay so your constitution was eight?) Eight! Think about it  think about how youre Sick think about it! Cmon!  Go to bed tonight thinkin about it. Can we make you feel bad enough to take this back???? W-WHY- WHY ARE YOu doing this?? You gotta ASK yourself right now. Dude he just needs the d4s dont even trip dude. Yeah hes lookin for d4s! Oh WOW hes HOldinG UP the d6s so we can See That he’s not using- HOW MANY IS THAT??? You’re a fucking maniac! youre SICK Youre fuckin- HONESTLY? -sick man SEE somebody dude STOP THIS KINDA- GET SOME HELP- just Listen to us you Sick Fuck -JUST GET SOME HELP Sick Fuck SOMEBODY STOP HIM!!! Stop It!!!! WHERE’S THE DIRECTOR??? STOP IT 😠 Edit it out! CALL WIZARDS OF THE COAST! THIS IS- THIS- STOP!!!!!! Someone tabletop him if he drops the dice we wont take damage!!!! What weird homebrew bullshit IS THIS you FUCK??? fuckin reddits gonna Eat Your Ass About this you Know That?? yeah youre gonna Love It YOURE WHOLE ASS!! Cheeks and All Your Whole Fuckin Ass You Son Of A Bitch We’re all gonna eat your ass. We’re gonna eat your ass brennan! Youre never gonna- Eat your ass -sit again yoU fUCK (Okaaay!!!!! Uh-)

3. where is your bulb now? yes i am a zesbian (zac oyama lesbian) okay i just think he is so neat and this moment was SO powerful. like never before have i so fully lost my mind at a line of dialogue

4. my love, for you are my love, my one true love. i just think this whole speech is SO lovely and the way it did actual damage to the BBEG is so powerful and i just think siobhan thompson <3

5. end of FHFY episode two. you know the moment. you know.

[adrunkgiraffe]

I have been through this journey before, so I get to be actually frustrated about it.

IUnder a read more because im not subjecting y’all to this. Also: I should caveat I haven’t watched the episode cause I’m waiting till its on Netflix but I have watched way too many other episodes of Supernatural so I have a right to say these things. 

TL;DR: I mean you all knew Cas’ confession was fucking bullshit and that SPN is...hm. But I’d like to actually express my genuine frustration, for a moment? I’m going to say things you already know, but I have too much knowledge of this show and too much stupid meta in my brain about a series I haven’t genuinely enjoyed for at least 5 years which makes this not just blandly bad but disgustingly insulting to me not even as a gay just as like. A writer?

Or, even shorter: Cas’ confession is just a Charlie Bradbury Speedrun 

So. As some of you may know if, for some reason, you followed me back in 2013 (and till...okay fine 2015), I used to be, uh. Really into SPN. Really, I was into Destiel. Like, as in, I slogged through seasons 1-3 to get to Cas and am also really vulnerable to the Sunk Cost Fallacy and projecting onto characters. (I was in 8th grade in 2013, okay? Get off my back)

Also, because I monopolised use of the TV, I kind of...also got my parents into it? In a “this is silly but fun” kind of way.

Over time, critiques of the show from viewers, learning what queerbaiting is at all, fatigue with how long it was going, and also fatigue from how characters I enjoyed, like Rufus, or Crowley, or Ellen, or Jo, or Kevin, or Charlie, or Cas a few times, kept getting killed off. As time went on, it didn’t escape my notice that, aside from Cas, all of these characters fit one or more of the following criteria:

They were a woman

They were a person of color

Were Queer or Queer-coded in some way (listen Crowley was bad rep but at least Mark Sheppard actually kissed a man on screen)

I also just...generally got tired of the way the show treats women and sidelines people of color. 

The final straw really came with Charlie’s death. It got us all excited, because she hadn’t been back in a bit! And it was interesting to see how reuniting with her dark side from Oz had changed her! (yeah remember the fucking Wizard of Oz storyline? The writers sure don’t!) And maybe she’d get developed! Because at this point, Charlie and the fairly good writing of her character was a major upside for the series! Charlie was cool, fun, gay, and morally complex in a way...none of the female characters had been before her, in large part because by definition, her relationship with the boys would always be platonic.

And then. Offscreen. She is violently murdered. For no damn good reason. Like, literally, her being brought back in this episode after fucking off to europe after having returned from fucking off to Oz seems to have filled two purposes in total. 

The codex is solved (but Sam doesn’t know till next episode)

Charlie is dead, which means Dean can be angry, specifically at Sam, and kill more people because he’s the big bad this season. 

That’s it. Two things. Twooooo whole reasons to do this episode. Whoopee. 

But you didn’t come here for this, you came here for me to rip this reveal to shreds. Don’t worry, I’ll get there. What I want in your minds is that Supernatural already had a really good anddynamic queer character. And then they killed her off to make Dean angry. No, it doesn’t matter that they brought her back in season 13 or whatever. They made that decision. 

After the rage this incited, I started realizing general flaws in the writing (I had probably already noticed them but now I was angry enough to complain.) Every conflict is born of Sam and Dean not communicating/taking on burdens and Dean being angry at Cas for reasons that ranged from good to ridiculous, but in a way that always went way too fucking long, (which...yes, does make the “you do it for love” gifs fucking hilarious). It didn’t help that seasons 11 and 12 were next, which meant Demon Dean and GOD’S FUCKING SISTER, plus the decision to resurrect Mary, which, while I do like her later scenes, as a season 12 finale it...well I’ll be honest it kinda sucked. It undercut the majority of the Winchester’s’ arcs and their slow and painful journey out of their father’s toxic vengeance quest and knowing Mary as a person when it’s too late to know her was one of the last semi-compelling grounders of the narrative. 

By this point it was a hate-watch for my parents and I.

So then, I’m at college, and I’m not watching anymore cause I don’t have the motivation or access to Hulu to continue, and SPN is bad. I watch the Scooby Doo crossover when it comes out and my friend and I make fun of it, and we also continue making jokes about Dean and Cas and queerbaiting because we’re queer, but I don’t keep up. My Dad does though, so when I return, I watch some with the fam and lads. It’s even more tiring without context. 

So flash forward to Quarantine, my sister, the only one with taste, has left, and we have run out of netflix to watch. So we return to the well, and seasons 13-14 are. I’m gonna say it. Bad. Really fucking bad. The cycle of bad communication continues, season 14 has like seven antagonists and the way it’s structured makes it so I literally cannot remember the timeline of a season I watched 3 months ago. Oh also, they have a queer coded cannibal snake monster for...well I guess Jack’s snake bud was cool but like. Huh wow it’s almost like these writers don’t handle queers well. 

Our one saving grace is Cas, but he’s barely in any episodes, though I did note that his deal with the empty, being happy completely for one moment killing him, that struck me as “this has potential and I know they’re gonna half-ass it somehow.” Also Jack and Mary, but then oh...plot….The most compelling it gets is literally the finale.

But then, 3 days later, the first half of season 15 comes out on Netflix and it’s...actually kind of acceptable. The new character they give Jack’s actor is fun to watch him play until they make him evil. Exploring just how toxic Chuck can be gave the series direction again. The alternate future was genuinely scarring, and Eileen’s return was genuinely moving. Most of all, though, Cas got the opportunity to tell Dean no, that Dean was being unfair to him, had always been unfair to him, and he was sick of it. I had no illusions, I knew Destiel was never gonna happen, and Cas was gonna die, but giving him that bit of agency, letting Cas grow and be self-sufficient, and be angry with Dean not for existential reasons but interpersonal ones, was such a good sign for me, and Dean grew too! Dean fucking apologized for being horrible and Jensen Ackles had a...yknow what, ill give it to him, he had a good acting moment. 

But the thing. About. The “I love you.” 

Let’s take it in parts.

What was good: I’m gonna admit it, lads, “Wanting what I can’t have” - AS A LINE - is good, and, structurally, there is something to the Empty Deal that could have been an interesting aspect of Cas’ arc when it comes to self actualization and being on even footing with Dean. The problem is, this is Supernatural, and that arc only comes up when I bring it up because character study, even in bad media, is fun for me. 

What was bad:

I mean. Like. All of it? All of it. 

Okay. Fine. I’ll be specific. 

Cas dies immediately when - possibly because- he is revealed as having feelings for Dean. They kill him as they queer him, that’s a Bury Your Gays Speedrun right there.

Like the least they could have done is have him mention it to someone in another scene or something to establish some romantic feelings on the part of canon a full episode beforehand. That would have been the literal bare minimum. 

When Cas starts praising Dean, for some reason both the writing and Misha’s acting take a bit of a downswing (from...where it already was). Cas, whose most powerful moment this season was acknowledging that Dean’s anger at him is cruel and unfair, flatly praises him for doing everything out of love and it reads with a misunderstanding of both Dean as a character and Cas’ understanding of Dean. Dean is angry! VERY ANGRY! And it’s a problem he needs to work on and rarely does. 

Talking out of my ass, a better speech would have been about how Dean is angry because of his love for Sam, family, and the people around him, how, for better or for worse, he can’t help but be angry on behalf of others, and that his journey of moving that tendency towards the better is what made Cas care so much. Guys this alteration to the metaphor took 2 minutes to write tops I am an Art History student and these are TV WRITERS WITH YEARS OF EXPERIENCE CAN YOU TELL THEYRE NOT TRYING YET? 

A better speech would, of course, have come out of a better series. My point: this part was half-assed. Poorly written. Wow it’s almost like the series is also poorly written. 

 Also, Misha is the better actor of the three(***OF THE THREE), but his choices in that scene are jarringly out of character which. Makes the bad writing worse. It doesn’t help that they cut to the same fucking shot of Dean 3 times. The chemistry in that scene makes it feel so fucking hackneyed. Because it is. 

This combines lead me to the point: (wait there was a point to this?)

As someone who does not have the luxury of watching this capsized ship fall into boiling seas from a distance, it is less insulting to me that they did this so last minute and then sent Cas to the Void than it is how they did it. They had ingredients for something that could have been compelling enough to me as a former fan of the show to think that they had put effort into it, that they had decided months, perhaps even years ago to do this, and had crafted a storyline around it. That this was an intentional decision they cared about. It wasn’t. It was barely even pandering, because it’s almost insultingly blatant. 

SPN kinda proved to me that it didn’t care about queers when Charlie was killed off. It proved it to me again when Cas, not only died in confessing his love for Dean but did it in the weakest result of what could have been a surprisingly strong story.

[katewaliss]

1x1 plot list!

hello girls, gays and theys! my name is crissy, i’m 21, go by she/her pronouns and live in the PST timezone. i am celebrating bullshitting my way through my junior year with ( copious amounts of tequila but also ) make a list of 1x1 ideas / plot bunnies because i need something to do during this Borentine and what better way to spend it then making myself cry with ships! 

i primarily send really long keysmash head cannons through discord and the ims, but i am also down to do replies ( on tumblr or discord ) and ask memes are my most favorite. i am introverted af but very excited abt ships so i really like having rp partners who like want to stay up all night and write and scream with me, so if that sounds like u, come thru! 

if u like any of these please don’t hesitate to shoot me an im! 

also my discord is daddy devito#2918 ( & yes, i do hate myself  )

were starting with mermaids bc i love mermaids

ALSO YES I LIKE OPPOSITE PLOTS DONT @@@@@ ME!!!!!

ALSO ALL OF THESE PLOTS CAN BE GAY! BE GAY DO CRIMES!

i’ve always kind of wanted one based loosely on these pictures x, x, x. im thinking ponyo meets enchanted meets h20 little mermaid AF realness! like maybe hes this lil regular boy high school college student taking pictures and stuff and sees this girl wash up on the shore looking very confused. so he helps her and you know, shes a little hysterical and cant walk very well, takes her into his apartment puts a towel over here bc she like keeps talking abt how shes a mermaid and hes like oh my god shes crazy ahh. she keeps saying her dad is king of the ocean and hes like???? do u have a last name? and the police dont know anything abt her she has no file, no id, no finger print in the database? 

basically the mermaid is staying w the college student in his apartment and he like teaches her what the microwave and the tv is and its very soft  they fall in luv maybe drama he has a girl friend who sucks a lot who is angry abt mermaid girl idk maybe the government realizes and tries to steal her! fun THAT FIRST PIC? MAYBE HE SAVED HER WHEN HE WAS A KID ONCE FROM DROWNING!!! AHHH

alternatively i found these pictures were are in the same vein very aquamarine x, x, x, lifeguard off duty surfing and he gets stuck in a gnarly wave and almost drowns but this mermaid saves his life! and he comes to see her a lot on the beach and they hang out and fall in love he teaches her how to speak english shows her his phone!!! MAYBE THE GOVERNMENT IS ALSO POACHING HER WE LOVE DRAMA

ok last mermaid plot? BUT ITS A SIREN PLOT!!!!!!! these sirens/a siren wipes out this sailors entire ship with the sirens song they all get drowned/eaten .... but plot twist! this one sailor homie lives bc he is DEAF and therefore IMMUNE TO THE SIREN SONG!! so this siren keeps tryna sing at him and its not working and u know they fall in love good stuff MORE POACHES MORE PIRATES MORE GOVERNMENT TRYNA KILL THE AQUATIC AMERICAN BC I LOVE SUFFERING modern or maybe set back in the day???? spicy

anthour or a sculptor that writes a book w a main character or makes a statue and it comes to life and has no perception of human stuff and is like a big alien

also literally all of these plots can be made gay as the flyest bi i ENCOURAGE it!!!! i will play either character in any of them pls tell me which one u like if u like one

pls the clown clown valedictorian plot

ok speaking of giving the gays everything they want

damn i just want a cheesy wlw 1x1 plot where the first girl is a famous celebrity hella spoiled very purse dog paris hilton type and her fancy convertible sports car breaks down smack dab in a small ass hick nowheresville town and this flannel wearing mannerless tomboy mechanic comes to fix her car but rich girl is stuck in town a few days while they order the part she needs for her car bc it’s a small town they don’t have it and they get closer and the celebrity girl is humbled by the town and learns a lot abt the world and herself just ,, good times LISTEN!!!! zendaya and kristine froseth ???? SPICY

ok maybe a period piece lady knight / princess plot where she was personally assignment to the princess but maybe its a whole mulan thing where no one knows the night is a girl and is posing as a man bc women were allowed to be knights and the princess is betrothed to some loser prince once again ill play either

princess body guard plots always smack

ok princess protection program BUT GET THIS instead of that its my boy dmitri who is the heir to the russian throne or some made up european country but theres an assasination attempt so hes told he has to go into witness protection. and this dude or girls dad is head of cia/fbi and dmitri has to pose as a foreign exchange student at y/ns college and be shown around/baby sat by them. they hate eachother. probably bc dmitri is obnoxious and entitled and sleeps w everyone. he was a matthew daddario fc but not that necessary!

cheerleaders on opposite squads who got the sexual tension!!!!

plot based off hollywood the netflix limited series where its 1940s-1950s hollywood and maybe actors falling in love, an actor and a director? OR omg even better an actor falling in love with some sort of stage crew, lighting, camera person............SPICY! 

a beauty / makeup youtube influencer and a pranking rant gaming sort of youtuber and they have to collab and hate it points if its gay

that cliche plot where ur friends older brother is hot

ok kstew / naomi scott .....that is such.....a wave

UGLY BETTY PLOT BITCH!!!!!! REVERSE THE ROLES OR MAKE IT GAY

i saw this gifset of margo robbie and michael b jordan talking abt how they are eachothers celebrity crush and it got my brain turning 

a very whimsical hopeless romantic artist who finds a muse in a no nonsense american college student studying law studying abroad

PERCY JACKSON BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE HUNGER GAMES BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

business man/prodigal son who falls in love with a stripper/escort

harry potter......next gen................please.............scorose............but like can i play ravenclaw soft boy nothing like draco scorpio BUT ALSO ALL THE HP i also really like ocs also BEAUXBATONS DRUMSTRANG ( if anyone wants to help me w a not hogwarts but other wizarding school rp let me know )

not to b cliche but uh....pastors son bad boy plot yes!

alternatively bad girl good boy/girl plot yes! ( can i pls play bad girl seulgi its Dire )

horror until dawn stuff

soul eater? death note? OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB BITCH!!!! ANIME!

the epically cliche popular person failing math and is gonna get kicked off cheer gets tutored by biggest loser in school and only agrees to tutor her in math if she teaches them how to be cool to impress crush (popular persons friend) and they do that, they start to bond, she gives nerd a makeover the whole school falls in love with them and the popular girls real jealous and wHEw

a disgruntled detective whos wife cheated on him with his partner and he drinks everyday (also could b a lady) throws himself into work and this waitress at the diner he works at who is the opposite of him and very sunshiney

OKAY HANNIBAL but like the hannibal is a lady!

superhero x villian plot! spicy maybe theyre exes! or they went to the same super power school? 

SPEAKING OF SUPERHEROS I WANT A MIRACULOUS LADYBUG PLOT RIGHT FUCKING NOW SOMEONE PLAY CHOU TZUYU AS MARINETTE!!!!!!!!!

also every disney plot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think this will get added to but for now this is the gist HIT ME THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!

[devourer--of--books]

Remember that one time I wrote a Tangled AU?

Context

During 2016, I submitted a few stories for Tagatha Ship Week. Not my best work, but some of my most known works nonetheless. Amongst those, I had a Tangled AU that was originally meant to be a one shot (which has been deleted because sweet lord that was bad), then turned into a draft for a multichapter story and then turned into this cursed WIP I completely forgot about, which you can find on both Ao3 and FF.net  under the name of ‘blinking in the starlight’.

Every once in a while someone comes across it, as it was the case with ‘if you’re not the bride’ and it would remind me of its existence. But unlike IYNTB, I have no interest in rewriting it or continuing this story. 

A few weeks ago I found the original draft for ‘blinking in the starlight’ in my dad’s old computer, so I thought I might do a post no one asked for (some people did, you guys are great, humoring me like that) on what the plot was supposed to be.

But after sitting with it I wasn’t fully satisfied (as usual, fml). So, like the clown that I am, I decided that since we are already here, might as well make it into an actual AU post, mind my language, I’m frustrated.

Blinking In The Starlight: Tangled AU

Okay, so I’m gonna presume that you read the WIP, so if you didn’t, maybe check that out first and then come back to this post. Or don’t, it’s not like it’s a very complex narrative anyway.

Many, many years before this story starts, there was a cruel sorcerer named Rafal.

He tormented the Endless Woods for centuries, extorting kingdoms and stuff, you know, very much a two-dimensional character whose motivations I definitely did not think through. Being evil I guess?

No one could defeat him, because he always somehow ended up knowing the traps were coming and was two steps ahead. No one knew how, so they just like, presumed it was because he was psychic or something.

Until one day, a young vain prince named Arthur of Camelot decides to order a hunt to the big blue falcons, to get their feathers as a present to the girl he was courting, one Lady Guinevere.

Would you believe those birds were Rafal’s spies? Now that everyone was hunting them, they could no longer listen in as easily.

So when Prince Arthur campaigns against Rafal’s evilness and challenges him to a duel in which he tricks the sorcerer and defeats him, stripping him of most his powers (and therefore his immortality), everyone was shook 

Don’t ask me how he did it, I honestly do not know

But instead of killing Rafal, Arthur agrees to spare his mortal life as long as he gives him a powerful love potion for Guinevere and never shows his face around Camelot ever again.

Rafal is pissed, but says sure why not, because he knew  Arthur would be crushed once the potion effects wore off and Guinevere left him anyway

So yeah, they became King and Queen, everyone thinks Rafal is dead, Camelot became known as the guardian kingdom of the Endless Woods alliance, yada yada.

Meanwhile, Rafal, now mortal and still pissed af, looks for a way to get his immortality back, because he is now old and tired all the time.He goes to one of his oldest allies and they tell him a rumor about a woman named Vanessa who found a way to stay young forever using a bird.

It takes a few years for him to track her down, but when he does, he tries to convince her to show him the bird. Vanessa is like that sounds like a you problem, so he threatens her and she tells him she ate it to save her life during her pregnancy (do not ask me how this works, why she couldn’t have healed herself like usual, I don’t know okay)

Rafal is pissed again, because Vanessa was still looking young, so either she lied or she was omitting something and decides you know what, screw you and murders everyone, trying to find the damned bird.

But then he hears soft singing from the closet. A little girl named Sophie, who apparently had inherited the bird’s ability to restore youth. 

First, he thinks of raising her as his daughter. But then, one day she’d try to leave him for a boy, so he decides to trick her into thinking he was that boy, so she’d never want to leave him.

He sells her this bullshit story about everything being a fairytale like the ones her books, makes himself look like a teenager and tells her he is now going to take care of her because they are true loves and whatnot

Using the money from his previous evilness (why am I like this), he builds a tower and gaslights the hell out of her telling her is was to keep the danger outside, when actually he was caging her in. Her guards are all mercenaries and her maids are kidnaped slaves so, hm, that’s nice

He keeps visiting her to restore his youth, but he needs the macguffin Arthur used to take away his immortality (I didn’t specify what it was in my draft, so let’s say its Excalibur, for the sake of storytelling) to restore his full greatness, so he starts a long-long-plan to overthrow Camelot once he gets him hands on the sword.

However, Sophie is a person of her own, even being manipulated and gaslighted. She wants to go outside and see the world. Obviously Rafal won’t let her, and even gives her a ring to summon him and stuff, so she won’t think about going anywhere out of his sight.

But she ends up doing it anyway because she’s Sophie

Now hold on a minute.

Back in Camelot, Arthur has already died, Guinevere ran off with Lancelot and Tedros is a brat, walking around with Excalibur (not knowing how powerful it actually is) playing glorified police officer for the royal guard as a way to prove he’ll be a good king someday.

Festival season is approaching and prince Teddy is on a man-hunt (woman-hunt?) for the thief that has been ambushing noble carriages.

They have some good banter, but the thief always manages to distract him and get away.

Guess who is the thief

It’s Agatha, leave me alone, I was 15 and loved cliches, shut up

Yes, I know I’m now almost 19 and still love cliches, moving on

Agatha is stealing money from the rich like a robin hood pro, because festival season is expensive and poor people need to eat okay

But prince-holier-than-thou keeps showing up so she decides to be petty and steal directly from him. Girl just wanted some gold, but ends up with Excalibur because Tedros is an idiot

So he chases her through the woods for days on end, hot on her trail, and Aric gets caught on the crossfire between them. Agatha presumes from his uniform that there is a castle near and decides to hide there.

Tagatha ends up in Sophie’s tower, and she hides Excalibur to bargain with them.

She strikes a deal with Tedros to show her the festival in exchange for Excalibur. 

Agatha is just f this shit im out, she didn’t want the sword in the first place and last thing she needs is going to Camelot with a pseudo-police-officer.

But then Tedros realizes he doesn't know how to go back to Camelot and Sophie makes him promise not to turn Agatha in. Agatha is still skeptical, so he promises to lift taxes for the lower classes and she agrees to be their unofficial guide back to Camelot.

Princes can't break promises, don’t ask

The three of them escape the tower. 

Shenanigans ensue.

There’s a scene of Agatha helping people in a tavern and Tedros is like???? she nice????

Sophie finding out that the old wizard from her story was the guy King Arthur supposedly killed and doubting Rafal’s lies.

There’s Tedros explaining his need to be just and abide by the laws all the time due to the pressure of his father’s rep after the three of them nearly die of hypothermia (?)

Sophie telling them about her talent.

Very wholesome really.

Meanwhile tho, Aric finally manages to alert Rafal that Sophie left, and Rafal summons his birds to look for her, figuring out that she had Excalibur (how? Idk)

When the trio reaches Camelot, it’s still a few days before the festival. Agatha says she is done and needs to be on her way, but Tedros (softly, may I add) asks her to stay, at least until the lantern scene/day/tradition/thingy

Their unspoken feelings are all over the place and Sophie decides to play matchmaker.

They stay in an inn (why did Tedros not sneak them into the castle, you ask? I don’t know, don’t ask) and Sophie makes the guy tell them there is only two rooms. She then makes up some balloney about wanting to be by herself, so Agatha and Tedros share a room.

Yeah, you know what I’m doing, don’t you: there’s only one bed.

Some other tropes for a very fluffy chapter equivalent of the score of Kingdom Dance, which is my favorite song in the Tangled Soundtrack, fight me, is such a good ‘falling in love montage’ song

But the fluff doesn’t last long, because the very night of the festival, just as you can almost hear Tagatha singing ‘and at last I see the light’, Rafal’s birds find Sophie and take off her ring by force.

Rafal crashes the festival, stealing Excalibur from Sophie and unleashing his coupe against Camelot, back to being immortal and super over-powered.

He throws Sophie back in her tower, and when she doesn't comply and asks him to stop we have a ‘I never loved you’ ‘you were always just a bird to me, a dumb bird’ moment and Sophie is just destroyed because aside from her new friends (whom she believed were dead) Rafal is all she has.

Back in Camelot, complete mayhem is being wrecked, bloodshed and stuff. Agatha manages to rescue Tedros before his execution and they figure out that they need to rescue Sophie and get Excalibur to kill Rafal for good.

“Insert part one of TLEA here”, bitch, I kid you not, that’s exactly what I wrote wtf even is this draft

Somehow it all leads into this big confrontation, in which Sophie strips Rafal of his immortality using the sword but can’t bring herself to kill him. So she asks Tedros to do it, so he can prove himself to his kingdom.

I do not know where Agatha is during this, but I’m pretty sure she’s like, fatally wounded or something

Rafal reveals to Tedros why Arthur spared his life the first time and offers him a potion to make Agatha return his (already mutual, you idiot) feelings. 

Tedros is like, nah, I’m gonna kill you, and Rafal is like are you sure she won’t just ride off and leave you like your mama?

And Tedros is just, honestly, man, I’m not, but I’m not gonna force her. Then some analogy about caging birds and Rafal is dead.

Yey, happy ending.

So Tedros and Agatha are left in this limbo, because she poor and she a criminal and he a prince. 

Tedros decides to have Agatha take the glory of killing Rafal to redeem her in the public eye, grants her a title, she makes Sophie her lady-in-waiting and they all live happily ever after the end.

[linusdeathtips]

i feel like a dick bc i just noticed @rottenpossvm​ tagged me in this but i still wanna do it so here it is a week after the fact

Nickname: eli, el

Zodiac: cap/aquarius cusp 

Height: 5′2" - 5'4" idk ive tried to measure myself like 9 times and its different every fucking time

Last Thing Searched: postnord tracking number

Favorite Musicians: rammstein, marilyn manson, tool, failure, nin, pain, lindemann, gojira, qotsa, skyhill, just p much half the industrial genre 

Song Stuck in Head: steh auf - lindemann

If you had a time machine, would you go back in time or visit the future?: future bc i wanna see if i get out of this bullshit lmao 

Do I Get Asks: no and im fine with that 

Following: close friends, stupid bullshit blogs, 90s nostalgia shit 

Would you rather be rich or famous? rich, i dont wanna be famous i hate having attention on me

Amount of Sleep: its a gamble, could be 4 hours could be 12

Lucky Number: 15

What I’m Wearing: black leggings, big fuckin x-files shirt, NIN beanie

Dream Job: suppermariobroth but for the sims 1, or archiving/working w old 90s/early 2000s tech

Dream Trip: i know its cliche as fuck but ive gone pretty much everywhere i wanna go except japan

If you were an animal, what would you be?: raccoon. opposable thumbs, dig thru trash and no one cares

Favorite Food: cheeseburgers but i cannot have cheeseburgers right now so 

What are some of your favorite books/films/shows/games/etc? books: a series of unfortunate events, uhh mostly just crime novels and YA fiction that im definitely too old to be enjoying (except for fantasy genre like dragons and wizards i hate that shit) films: pretty much anything david fincher makes, a series of unfortunate events, uhh theres more but i cant think right now shows: archer, mindhunter, law and order svu, 24, futurama, better call saul/breaking bad, preacher games: vampire the masquerade bloodlines, the sims 1 (the only actually good sims game), portal, half life, binding of isaac, animal crossing, pokemon (up to gen 4), hotline miami, fallout, metal gear solid, gtav, borderlands, i need to stop im just naming franchises now

Play Any Instruments: minimal amounts of guitar and bass because i gave up playing

Languages: english, german, i can read TINY amounts of swedish but like not even enough to matter

Describe Yourself as Aesthetics: i was gonna say "think back to the family computer room running windows 98 when you were a kid and it was raining out and you couldnt use the dial up bc mom was on the phone so you just made your own fun" but then i remember im too old to be here and like half the people on the website dont know what thats like so i guess my answer is whatever a solo jazz cup would look like if it listened to swedish death metal

@gothartdad @oxycontln @arrestzelle @chainwip @toesferatu

[chaostwofold]

1-41 on the asks? Also gn

1. if you were to have Hanahaki disease, what flowers would you cough up?

Morning glories!! not only are they already my favorite flower, theyre extremely toxic and mean unconditional love! i have a tendency to fall for the wrong people and not realize until after,, BUT thats only half and half!! some people i loved unconditionally and contine to love them and others set me back in the recovery process,,

2. if someone were to catch Hanahaki disease for you, what flowers would they cough up?

Begonias id assume? not only are hanahaki flowers supposed to represent your feelings, they should also represent the person. begonias are known for misfortune, dark/unpleasant thoughts, and caution to new situations. on the flip side, its harmonious communications, understanding, and gratitude.

3. if you were any historic trope, what would you be? (i.e., the knight, the town baker, the witch of the forest, etd.)

hm. well, what about the urchin whos actually a prince? someone who originates from grand places, a great misfortune turns them into something undesirable and possibly bitter, and then when theyre brought back to the light of stability they provide for those who are in the same situation as he was

4. tell us about your ideal battle outfit

im long range magic tactics and healing always bc im too afraid of conflict :pensive: but the closest thing would probably be something flexible but strong, in black and the more sensitive areas like the neck and thighs covered more carefully (read: shadowhunter gear)

5. what would you be a god/goddess of and what would people sacrifice to you?

change on an emotional and mental plane. they would sacrifice those who refuse to change for the better. i determine what is better, and if they choose the wrong person to sacrifice they would pay depending on why they attempted to sacrifice someone who didnt deserve it.

6. name five iconic quotes that make you feel things.

“there is a difference between wisdom and intelligence... a person may have one without the other.” is an all time favorite from my favorite book The Soulforge by Margret Weis!!!!!!!

“plant your trees and watch them grow.” OUGH

 “There is a thin semantic line separating the weird and the beautiful. and that line is covered in jellyfish.” NIGHTVALE

“Ive been good sir / so very very good for what? / and ive given you / every single thing ive got / its feeling strange man / this whole arrangement / is gonna end with / me totally deranged” From Disobedient, from su:tm!!! it slaps man

“ What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me? / What are you wondering? What do you know? / Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me?” Ah. billie eilish ily

7. scythe, battle axe, broad sword, spear or trident?

Scythe! the weapon of fate and peace,, it is used to reap the souls of those deemed to die and its used for harvesting crops!! the end of all thngs, its a graceful and symbolical weapon.

8. what combination of natural scents would you use as perfume?

Vaniila, star anise, and clary sage

9. ancient scrolls or leather-bound books?

leather bound books!!

10. describe yourself as if you were a storm.

a cyclone, probably. something threatening on the outside but extremely calm on the inside.

11. what type of flower (other than a rose) would you offer someone you were trying to court?

amaryllis, which is splendid beauty and worth beyond beauty

12. honey in milk or cinnamon in tea?

cinnamon in tea!!!

13. cabin in the woods, apartment in the city or mansion in the suburbs?

apt in the city

14. curtains of beads or lace?

bead curtains!!! retro AND can be like “hoohoo welcome to my brewery pick your literal poison im a witch”

15. vocal or instrumental music?

yall know i could never pick,, music is too much of an intimate thing too be taken lightly (whch is one of the reasons i have a burning hatred for jokey nursery rhymes like baby shark)

16. describe your ideal fantasy outfit

SOBS okay so. ough it depends man. i rlly like the idea of like. ponchos and shawls n stuff,,, id prolly go for a witch in the woods ngl (the prince REPRESENTS me the best but. witch of the dark woods is my aesthetic) so prolly like a heavy green shawl over a black shirt and jeans and combat boots or smth,,, i WOULD have a flower crown of poisonous flowers, yes

Changeling or shapeshifter definitely!! to be able to constantly change form in super mecore

18. hard candy, fruit preserves or spice cake?

fruit preserves

19. show us an a picture of your ideal crown.

you all knew it was gonna happen ( its a mountain laurel!! poisonous. of course)

20. tying your hair up using ribbon, yay or nay?

my hair is WAY too short for that but i used to do it when i had longer hair and its a definite yay

21. an evening in the forest with elves, a night in the caves with vampires or a morning in the garden with fae?

an evening in the forest with elves or a morning in the garden with fae!! i cant decide man,,, if it had been a night in a victorian castle w vamps i wouldve been tied w that too but caves are a dwarven thing

22. tell us, in detail, about a curse a witch would put on you.

hm. maybe like. a true self thing? where im forced to say what i mean, i cant say sorry for things im not sorry for, i have to say when things make me uncomfy, i just become less timid (the witch who cursed me got pissed off bc i said sorry too much and didnt answer questions properly)

23. talking with sylphs or singing with nymphs?

talking with sylphs prolly??? i dunno man ive always loved sylphs ngl

24. mint, rosemary, basil or sage?

def mint

25. favorite childhood story? (doesn’t have to be a fairy tale)

what childhood lmao (honestly?? i loved reading the grim fairytales just over and over)

26. tell us about an experience you’ve had that seemed unreal or supernatural. (doesn’t have to be scary)

uhhh one time i was accused of witchcraft bc i was “guessing” peoples fav colours at a christian summer camp and our supervisors asked me to stop bc it was freaking them out bc im not christian (i had them close their eyes, think of their colour, and i would see it bc id close my eyes) OH also one time luke spoiled some pl stuff bc he was thinking abt the spoiler too loudly

27. would you rather have poison or healing ointment in your traveling pack?

oh healing def!! i already know a bunch of native poisonous plants so itll b fine

28. tell us three sayings that you live by.

only two chances for everyone, and then i cut them off entirely

cringe culture is dead. the only cringy people are assholes

hurt luke youre dead

29. vials or mason jars?

no. no. you CANNOT make me pick. its illegal

30. describe your ideal masquerade ball outfit (mask included).

uh! moss green, its a onepiece thats baggy and tied with a golden decorative rope at the waist and tightened at the ankles!! its loose at the sleeves and the shoulders are showing whereas the neck is turtled!! there are designs showing black mambas and lilies of the valley (poisonous...). the mask is black and covers my right eye, with subtle smooth scales on it.

31. splashing around in a river with mermaids or flying through the sky with harpies?

BOTH are p mean uh. i said sylphs earlier so ig ill go mermaids??? plus im afraid of heights

32. what would you end up in the dungeon for?

as the royal magician/wizard/witch/alchemist/magic jester? calling the royal family out on their bullshit

33. if you were a fairy, what color would your wings be?

they would be black owls wings!!! (if you meant pixies, like tinkerbell, you shouldve said pixies fam :pensive:)

34. if you could have any magical item, what would it be?

deaths cloak or a truth charm to get people to tell me, you guessed it, the truth

35. what song would the bards sing about you when you passed by?

a song about grim ends ad new beginnings.

36. would you rather be a pirate or a king/queen?

royalty! so i can fuck shit up from the inside

37. would you spend more time in the field of flowers, the tavern, the docks or the marketplace?

field of flowers or marketplace!! seeing the things people create and natural beauty and solitude are both wonderful

38. would you have a painting of yourself?

a modest one with a very dark palette, with my eyes painted a gleaming golden.

39. what skill are you famous for?

i talk rlly fast

40. if you could live any fairy tale, which one would you?

im not sure,, 

41. stained glass windows or fairy lights?

FAIRYLIGHTSFAIRYLIGHTSFAIRYLIGHTS

[precise-magic]

ENDGAME KILLED ME

Okay, so I'm just gonna rant and yall ain't gotta read jack squat. this is for me to find in a couple of years and hate myself for ;)

WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK FUCK WAS UP WITH NAT DYING LIKE AND TONY DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER AND STEVE WENT BACK TO PEGGY AND TONY AND HOWARD AND LOKI LOKI LOKI LOKI LOKI LOKI LOKI LOKI LOKI 

Okay. One thing at a time

I was a little bitch and found it online first, and then went to go see it in the theaters cause I had to work opening weekend and Spoilers are a botch. also, I knew i would be crying a lot and so I was able to pause it while I was at home so its fine don't worry about it. 

But like. 

the opening, with Clint, teaching his daughter to shoot a bow, and then his family dying. I was crying. weeping. wasn’t sobbing yet.

tony and nebula playing paper football was great. thank you. like we got to see tony and nebula interact and nebula was stiff and awkward but not trying to kill Tony and Tony totally let her win and I love him for it. so much. I'm crying again. it's fine. 

!!!!!!!!!!!!! rocket and nebula holding hands was so sweet!! it really shows you how upset they are cause of !!!!!!!!!!! yeah and nebula lost her sister, and then the rest of the Avengers. she failed.she couldn't even avenge her sister. and rocket. lost Groot once? and now it's even more painful. and he lost the rest of the guardians. and they only have each other now and I'm going to die

tony saying “I lost the kid” came into my house and shot me point blank in the chest

Tony yelling at Steve and throwing a fit was not what I expected and it upset me cause it was like watching your parents argue before the divorce. but yeah he was justified i believe. 

Carol showing up was great and i loved her and Thor interacting!! 

The first 20 minutes came into my house and shot me in the head cause that’s not how i was expecting this movie to go and I love it

Thanos destroying the stones. it makes sense now but before i saw the movie i never would’ve thought of it!!!

A rat saves the universe. Okay but how did strange know that the rat would do it like??? time magic wibbly wobbly stuff i guess

Also scott being the one to come up with the plan!! Love it!! ANd poor cassie!! 

TONY STARK HAS A DAUGHTER! SHES  ADORABLE AND ID KILL FOR HER TBH

I WANNA SEE MORGAN AND PETER INTERACT OKAY BYE 

I’m trying to remember the order it happened like?? its so much but im not complaining!!!

yeah just time travel. not what i was expecting

OKAY SO 

Steve, scott, and tony go back to 2012-the first avengers movie. Loki gets the Tesseract, and he disappears. that prompts tony seeing his dad and steve seeing peggy in 1970

but

Thor and rocket go to The Dark World movie. who cares what year. but it’s after 2012-the avengers. YOU SEE LOKI THERE. how? why? did they explain it and i missed it? is loki going to pop back up somehwere? I’m confused? is loki going to end up alive like gamora did? its past gamora brought into the present? its past loki brought into the future by him not being on that ship when thanos comes for the tesseract? how does the dark world happen w/o loki? how does Ragnorok happen? I am confusion. time travel logic confuses me unless its back to the future time travel logic. 

Okay so the hulk. I’m cool with this development, I feel like the last movies with the hulk were leading up to this and it wasn't just hastily written into canon unlike somethings *cough* clint’s family in Age of Ultron *cough cough* what with the hulk leaving in age of Ultron and then him Ragnarok and his character in infinity war 

my dad, on the other hand, is not going to be happy. I already texted him. He’s not happy with me

Okay so the ancient one already knew about strange??? like?? But then it leaves her and bruce not fighting and she’s like, “ well he must’ve had a reason” and i respect that 

also the wizards fighting in 2012 was wrapped up in a nice little bow

steve fighting steve was great 

steve being a smart cookie and saying “hail hydra” was neat but now the hydra dude are going to be confusion? and poor past steve, he has to fight himself and he heard “bucky is alive” hell think it was a joke and then when bucky is alive the guilt;’( i would feel guilty anyways) also i expect lots and lots of fanfic for me to read about steve finding bucky faster

Tony getting to talk to his dad!! Im so happy!! It s so great!! if only he got to see his kid again before he died!! 

natasha... and clint.... i.... 

i watched the first avengers movie when i was aboutttt 10? i remember seeing nat kick ass. I loved their interactions. I . I knew she was going to be the one to die. i knew as soon as i saw them and only them there. the writers weren’t going to kill clint cause he was trying to get his family back nad they already established that the avengers was nat’s family. i cried then. im crying now. but seeing thise two genuinely willing to die so the other didn't?? that’s some good shit you can @ me if you like. and i dont feel like it took away from nat’s character. did tony’s sacrifice take away from his? no. no it didn’t  i just wish that there had at least been clint lighting a candle for her at the end of the movie. some form of recognition. but thats what fics are for i guess

also her words were “see yall in a sec” or smthg like that before they all went into the past  and im not okay 

this ended up being longer than i intened.... im not even finished yet... ill just hit the high highlights from here on out

loki. love him. can’t wait to see more him

they really hyped up captain marvel wayyyyyy too much for my taste but she’s still badass and i love her

the peter and tony hug i was very grateful for but at that moment i knew tony was going to die. and so i cried twice as hard

pepperoni being the strongest they’ve ever been and I'm fucking here for it

or well i was...

steve wielding thor’s hammer (i cant spell, sue me) was great and i was happy all the way Up until his shield broke

tony’s funeral as really well done. the arc reactor pepper gave to tony, Harley being there, everyone being there. it was good. i cried. really loud. so yeah. his hologram. he fucking planned for dying so im not okay

also strange and the whole “if i tell you it won’t happen” what did that mean? that if he tells tony that tony will die he won’t snap??? uhhh sounds fake but okay marvel

peter is so going to have a shit ton of nightmares from when he was hugging the gauntlet on the ground and then the badass ladies coming to save him 

great scene by the way 9/10. would be 10/10 but no Natasha 

i wanna see harley and peter interact and be great big brothers to morgan

Steve going back in time was some utter fucking bullshit. that deserves it’s own rambling post from me so watch out for that mess i’ll post at a later date

all in all(that wasn’t everything I assure you I'm just tired) 

I loved the movie. It didn’t let me down like Age of Ultron did. It seemed, to me anyways, to have fewer comedy moments than many of the earlier movies which is to be expected. I did not see the plot line with the time travel and the five year time skip though. I was not expecting that at all. thoroughly enjoyed it though, cause I had no expectations on what was going to happen. They kept dead/present! gamora dead but replaced her with past! gamora which im cool with i want more sisterly bonding with her and nebula and i can’t wait to see her and quill interact again. no bringing nat back, which i would’ve felt cheap if they had tried. like she sacrificed herself so clint could be with his family. if they could’ve just brought back whoever had died, it takes the weight away from the decision and cheapens her death. same with tony’s. i hate it so fucking much but the symbolism and the poetics ending of him anwsering thanos’s “I am inevitable” at the end of the film (which past-in-the-present him parroted from past present him the beginning of the film) with “I am Iron man” from the first film I just.... fucking died and ascended. my body left my soul... I lovedit. And the parallels with peter and him and peter died last time, tony died this time. Im not crying, you are. and yeah.. 

I hated it so much. But they did it really well. and pepper told him he could rest now. 

Basically. It was a great movie. was it perfect? no. but what movie is? This movie was great and you can fight me on it thank you and good night <3