#but then explained i wanted it there so it's ok

[tinybunbunn]

Happy Valentine’s Day <3 Based this on a scene from @cloud-somersault ‘s Constellations Epilogue in chapter 9! Had this in my drafts for MONTHS and figured today would be a great day to finally finish it up ^^

[hanniebaeee]

Tied Up

Hyunjin x fem!reader

Warnings: SMUT MDNI

Genre: established relationship, fluff, smut

Summary: You ask your boyfriend to come home immediately after you read something spicy in a dark romance novel, and he's only too excited to help you.

a/n: Jinnie's 'Unfair' triggered something in me 🙏

You were curled up on your couch, wrapped in your fluffiest blanket, sipping on coffee and reading your newest obsession - a dark romance novel. It was supposed to be a casual read to pass the time while Hyunjin was busy with rehearsals.

But by chapter ten… well, let’s just say your face was burning, and it had nothing to do with the heater running. You pressed your thighs together as your eyes widened. You've never read such filth in your entire life, and now you missed your boyfriend. Way too much. 

So here you were, phone in hand, thumb hovering over Hyunjin’s contact. Would he mind? Of course he wouldn't. 

---

You: Hey, you busy?

---

You watched the little typing dots blink in and out before his reply appeared.

---

Hyunjin: Hey, baby! Yeah, still at practice, what’s up? Miss me? 

---

Your hands shook in excitement as you typed back. 

---

You: Well, yeah. That too. But also… you gotta come home. Now.

Hyunjin: What happened? Are you ok? 

---

You chewed on your lip thoughtfully. How do you even explain this without sounding completely unhinged?

---

Me: Nothing, everythings fine. Just… I’ve got a request.

Hyunjin: Okay?

Me: Listen. I need you to come tie me up.

---

The three dots blinked… and blinked… and disappeared. Then they came back. Finally, a reply.

---

Hyunjin: Excuse me, what? Did I read that right?

You: Yes. You did. I need you here. Now. With something to tie me up with.

---

Another long pause.

---

Hyunjin: Tie you up?! What's happening? 

You: No! I was reading this book, and… look, I’ll explain everything when you get here, just please, please come home right now.

Hyunjin: Baby, I'm so confused.

You: I'm giving you a chance to kidnap me and tie me up and… 

Hyunjin: 😳

---

You couldn't help but laugh at that. You could just imagine his sweet face in all that confusion. 

---

Me: Pretty please??? 

---

Another moment of silence, and then…

---

Hyunjin: So… I’m supposed to be like this hot, dark, mysterious kidnapper and just… do whatever I want with you?

Me: Exactly.

Hyunjin: Oh 👀

Hyunjin: I mean… okay, but this is kinda new territory. Let me… strategize.

---

You raised an eyebrow. Strategize?

---

Me: Strategize? What are you, plotting world domination?

Hyunjin: Look, if you’re asking me to show up and just go full mystery man, I have to commit, okay? This requires preparation.

Me: So… how long is this prep going to take?

Hyunjin: Give me an hour.

You had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, but his commitment to the role was kind of endearing, and you decided to trust the process.

An hour later, you heard the faint sound of a key in the lock, and your heart did a little flip. You tried to compose yourself on the couch and waited as he walked in.

When you looked up, you were not disappointed. There he stood in his black jeans and a leather jacket, and dark sunglasses - looking absolutely hot. Holding a silk tie in hand. Oh. 

You burst out laughing.

“Oh, you’re laughing now?” He smirked, raising an eyebrow. “I thought you wanted to be kidnapped?”

“Yes I did? But…” You covered your mouth with your hand as you laughed. “Oh my God.”

“Hey, you wanted ‘dark and mysterious’ -” he stepped toward you, dropping his sunglasses down a notch, “and I… delivered.”

Biting back your laughter, you pulled him closer by his collar. “So… are you going to tie me up, or just… stand there and look pretty?”

“Oh, I’m tying you up, don’t you worry.” He leaned in close, his voice low. “Only problem is… I’m not sure I know how.”

You blinked up at him, surprised by his sudden shift from confidence to innocence.

“You don’t know how to…?”

“I mean, I can figure it out,” he said quickly, looking down at the tie. “I did watch a tutorial… briefly…”

You were laughing again, but this time you couldn’t resist wrapping your arms around him and pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“You’re so adorable.” you mumbled. 

“Hey! I can be dark and mysterious! I’m literally here to kidnap you, aren’t I?”

“Then what are you waiting for?” you whispered, challenging him.

His eyes narrowed, and with an unexpected quickness, he swooped down, swept you off the couch, and carried you into the bedroom, kicking the door shut. He tossed you onto the bed and pulled out the silk tie, holding it up triumphantly. 

“Alright,” he said, climbing over you, grinning. “Where do we begin?”

Your grin widened, and you nodded toward the bedpost. “Over there.”

A little clumsily, he tied your wrist to the bedpost, muttering to himself as he made sure it was secure. When he was done, he gave your wrist a gentle tug.

“How does that feel?”

You tugged against it, pretending to be trapped. “Oh no, what am I going to do?”

He chuckled, leaning down to brush his lips against yours. “Well, you’re going to have to stay here, I’m afraid. Completely at my mercy.”

You could barely keep a straight face, but he was so ridiculously, heart-meltingly sincere in his little roleplay.

“What are you going to do to me?” you whispered, batting your eyes. 

Hyunjin cocked his head, trying to look diabolical.

“First, I’ll kiss you. And then… hmm…” His eyes met yours, and slipped down tk your lips. You were biting your bottom lip, gazing at him.

“Uh…”

You laughed, pulling him down with your free hand, until his forehead rested on yours. “How about we start with the kiss, and see where it goes?"

His eyes sparkled with mischief, and he leaned in, his lips brushing against yours softly. The world faded as he kissed you slowly, his tongue slipping into your mouth as he deepened the kiss. 

His hands found their way to your face, cupping your cheeks, as you wrapped your legs around his waist.

The whole "kidnapper" act dissolved into giggles as you helped him out of his jacket. 

Hyunjin claimed your lips again in a fierce kiss. His tongue invaded your mouth, demanding and rough leaving you breathless. Breaking the kiss, Hyunjin trailed hot, open-mouthed kisses down your neck, his hands roaming freely over your body. 

He cupped your breasts through the thin fabric of your t-shirt, his thumbs teasing your hardened nipples. You arched into his touch, a soft moan escaping your lips.

"You like that, don't you, baby?" Hyunjin whispered, his breath hot against your skin. "You like it when I touch you like this."

"Y-yes," you managed to whisper, your voice trembling. "I love it..."

Hyunjin pulled away, his eyes dark with passion. 

With gentle yet firm hands, he lifted the t-shirt over your head, his eyes taking in your breasts, your nipples pebbled with desire.

Leaning forward, he took one of your nipples into his mouth, sucking gently at first, then increasing the pressure. Your breath hitched as pleasure radiated through your body. Hyunjin's tongue teased and flicked, driving you absolutely insane. He switched to the other breast, lavishing it with the same attention

As his fingers trailed lower, into your shorts, and your breath quickened. You could feel his touch getting closer to your aching core, your body throbbing with anticipation.

Hyunjin’s eyes locked with yours as his fingers delved into the wetness between your thighs, earning a soft cry from your lips.

"You're so wet, baby," he murmured, his voice thick with need. "I can't wait to feel you around me."

He smirked as he slid a finger inside you and your body trembled with the pleasure of his touch. He added another finger, stretching you, filling you, as his thumb found you clit.

Your hips bucked against his hand, and you tried to free your tied up hand because you needed to touch him. But Hyunjin tsk-tsked, shaking his head gently.

“Be a good girl now, you don't want me to punish you, do you?” 

Ok. Now you were so utterly shocked. There was no smile on his face. Just a deep dark look - his pupils blown and his lips swollen from the kiss. You swallowed nervously, but moaned almost involuntarily as his fingers moved faster inside you, your body quickly approaching a climax. 

"Jinnie, I'm close," you panted, your voice laced with desperation. "Please, don't stop."

Hyunjin quickened his pace, his fingers moving in and out of you, his thumb rubbing your clit in  circles. Your body tensed, every muscle taut as you teetered on the edge of release. With one final stroke, your body quaked as your orgasm hit you.

"Hyunjin!" you cried out, your body convulsing as waves of pleasure washed over you. He watched in silence as your eyes shut tightly, your soft walls throbbing around his fingers, still buried deep within you. 

“Ready for more, princess?” His voice was low and menacing.

You opened your eyes, and whispered breathlessly, "More?"

"Much more," he promised, brushing the tip of his nose against yours. "But first, I want to taste you."

He gently pulled your shorts and panties down, before pushing your thighs apart, exposing your glistening folds. Your heart raced as you watched him lower his head, his breath hot against your sensitive skin. He kissed your inner thighs, his lips moving slowly towards your aching core. 

When his tongue finally made contact with your swollen clit, you gasped, your body arching off the bed. Hyunjin lapped at you, his tongue teasing and flicking, sending sparks of pleasure through your  body. HUs tongue slipped through your folds as he tasted you, and his fingers continued to stroke and tease your opening.

Your free hand was on his head, stroking the short strands of his hair. You were on the edge again, teetering towards another climax, when Hyunjin suddenly stopped.

"Please, Jinnie," you begged, your voice hoarse.

Hyunjin smiled against your skin, and said, "I'm not done with you yet, angel. I want to feel you cum on my dick.”

With that, he rose to his knees. You watched him strip, his eyes never leaving yours. He positioned himself between your thighs, his length hovering at your entrance. With one smooth thrust, he filled you up completely. You let out a whimper, your hand gripping his shoulder tightly.

You were so tight around him, your inner walls gripping his shaft as he began to move. Hyunjin set a slow pace, his eyes never leaving your face as he watched your reaction to his every stroke. Your breath came in gasps, your eyes fluttering shut as you savored the feeling of being filled by him.

"Open your eyes, baby," he commanded, his voice sharp enough to make you obey. "Look at me while I fuck you."

Your eyes met his as you felt him thrust deeper, hitting that sweet spot within you. Your hand grasped his shoulder tightly, as he pounded into you harder. 

"I'm gonna cum, baby," Hyunjin growled, his jaw clenched as he fought for control. "I want you to let go now."

Your body felt like it's every nerve ending was alive with pleasure. And your orgasm was building, an intense pressure coiling deep within you.

You nodded, a soft whine leaving your lips, and Hyunjin thrust into you one last time, his body shuddering as he spilled inside you with a loud groan. You cried out, your climax crashing over you like a tidal wave. 

You both lay entangled, hearts racing and bodies glistening with sweat. Hyunjin grinned down at you, his eyes filled with love and mischief.

"So, how did I do?" He asked, propping himself up on one elbow. “Dark enough?”

“You were okay,” You breathed, and Hyunjin raised an eyebrow at you. 

“Only okay, huh,”

He said, slowly pulling your free hand up and trying to tie it to the bedpost. 

“Jinnie what-”

“Shush. You asked for it. I don't do okay. So let's work on it, yeah?”

You asked for it, didn't you? 

Divider: @saradika-graphics

Tags: @moonchild9350 @velvetmoonlght @eastjonowhere @pixie-felix @sailor--sun @chancloud8 @captainchrisstan @hansmic @emilyywhyy @inlovewithstraykids @my-neurodivergent-world @nightmarenyxx

[decimakitty]

I've also known some cis allies who swing "oh ok cool *rolls with it*" supportiveness (though this is also the kind of support I want, I don't want to explain to my mom for the fifth time how gender works, even if she's Trying To Understand. whereas my dad went "ok cool", switched pronouns + names immediately, main other changes were he started wearing a pride tie to work and asked me for recs for scifi fantasy works with trans major characters that i like. my chill grandfather did similarly. I also have a cishet ally nursing classmate who helped me get testosterone prescription issues straightened out (she worked at my pharmacy lol), was just. immensely chill. even when she didn't Get It. like she just embraced "yeah I don't get it but I also don't get why you're putting pineapple on that pizza" and ran with it), maybe there's some subconscious transphobia but they've zero made it my problem

with the shopping thing, I've maybe *once* seen a case where someone was just really genuinely into fashion as a hobby/ special interest so was like "oh! do you want to participate in this hobby? we could do so much fashion!" but like she also did that at trans guys, plus cis people who needed new wardrobes for whatever reason, and tbh anyone who mentioned clothing shopping in her presence. equal opportunity. (She was also actually good at adapting to people's wants/ needs, didn't just run roughshod). and I think *most* people think they're doing the "I'll include you in fashion hobby (so you'll feel like one of the girls)" thing, but they don't actually truly have a fashion hobby and are being extremely condescending plus like. pushy. like offering once is usually fine but don't *insist*. also people aren't dress up dolls, cut it out with trying to get them to conform to *your* specific aesthetics

Trans woman who has been living as a woman for 10+ years: "I hate misogyny."

Cis girl: "Yeah honey get used to it :) welcome to being a woman :)"

[kwoniele]

his (favorite) cheerleader

synopsis: cheerleading practice seems to affect seungcheol a lot more than you expected.

genre: smut

pairing: seungcheol x cheerleader!reader

wc: 737

warnings: rough sex! clearly i have a kink.. creampie, unprotected sex (please do NOT do this! use protection always) overprotective cheol, praise, scratching 😝, BABE THIS ISNT PROOFREAD ☺️ none of my works are tbh. i think thats all? please lmk if there are more!

authors note: hiii im baackkk!! this was supposed to be a celebratory fic for from behind but unfortunately i got quite occupied with my assignments (ack?) and didn’t get to ginish but u can read this as a standalone haha also my requests are open! please request SOMETHING im in need of ideas.. ok bye enjoy

nervous.

thats how you made seungcheol feel.

honestly, he would have never felt this way if he had stopped you from wearing the skimpy skirt for cheerleading practice. you asked him permission before choosing to wear it for the day because one: you would hate to make him feel like you’re dressing like a slut for everyone to see and two: the girls in your crew are bringing their boyfriends.

you would never admit it, but the girls in your squad have terrible taste for men. all of them are either desperate for a quick fuck with anyone but their girlfriends, or theyre in denial and swear to like women but seem to enjoy having drinks with your boyfriend instead.

but seungcheol didn’t hold you back. he swore it was okay and that you looked amazing in the skirt. he explained that he was going to be right beside you the entire time and that things were going to be alright. because he was there.

he was concerned that the boys would be very much eyeing you for a minute too long, or your name would be the name they’d be chanting for the entire game rather than their girlfriend’s.

he was wrong.

he was the person he was worried about.

the way the skirt almost barely covered your ass, the way your hair stuck to your forehead sticky with sweat, how your chest heaved whenever you finished a routine; he felt like he was going absolutely insane.

regardless of the fact he promised you he’d behave, he wasn’t doing a good job of fulfilling it. he could feel his cock slowly growing in his pants and he was not trying to hide it.

“seungcheol-ah, if you’re in need of relief, we’d really appreciate it if you could do it somewhere else and not on the freshly cleaned bleachers.” irene’s boyfriend lightly elbowed seungcheol,

cheol shot him a glare before his eyes slowly rested on you again. you were hot. if male ovulation was a thing, cheol was the epitome of it. all he heard was ringing and inaudible chatter as his attention was focused on you. his eyes were in the shape of hearts as he watched you perform.

he couldn't wait to go home. he just knew what he’d do to you as soon as you step foot into your house.

—

“haa~ cheol!” if he had asked you to count how many times you’ve come tonight, you wouldn’t be able to answer him. your cum had made a creamy white ring around his cock, slowly growing thicker and thicker as his thrusts began to pick up rhythm faster than the one before.

your voice began to strain, sweat started to trickle down the back of your neck, your hips were burning red as seungcheol showed no mercy at all. it was as if his dick had a mind of its own. his tip kisses your g-spot, making you arch from the bed as cheol’s hand pushed you down.

“you were so fucking pretty out there. did you know that? i was worried the boys would be a fucking idiot around you— fuck.” he threw his head back in a moan. “but it turns out, i was the one going insane.”

his lips traveled to your neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses beside the bruises he had made earlier. his thumb rubbed your clit, causing you to whine controllably as your gripped onto his shoulders. “pleaaase, let me cum!”

“yeah? my baby wants to cum?” seungcheol rapidly thrusted into you—if that was even possible—even more, making you slip out incoherent words as your eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

“yes! yes! yes! please let me cum please!” your nails clawed his back, leaving dark red marks as he winces in pain.

“fuck, cum with me okay?” you nodded in agreement, not caring about the neighbours who were probably wide awake, or the open windows that seungcheol didn’t bother to shut, or your cheerleading outfit that you definitely needed the following day.

“you can cum, beautiful.” he painted your walls with white ribbons as you breathed heavily—cumming right after him. you came so hard that you saw stars. as soon as you finally caught your breath, seungcheol was already rubbing you with a warm cloth, cleaning up his mess.

“you’re so responsible, you know?”

“mhm, i am. just not when you’re at cheerleading practice.” you giggle.

“you should come more often.”

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

hi!! I had an idea for a funny/ prank type fic for frat boy jaehyun!! It’s that one trend where the girl talks about getting a wax appointment (or some other appointment) after a really long time and plays it off as a guy waxes her which usually gets the significant other really confused thinking “a guy waxes you..?” I HOPE U KNOW WHAT I MEAN 😭😭 have a good day💞💞

anoooooon!!! THANK YOU FOR THIS IDEA!!!!

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.

⋆⭒˚.⋆ what do you mean, he? ⋆⭒˚.⋆

(cw: f!reader, TikTok trend, profanity sugestive, Jaehyun is such a fucking loser (affectionate) in this)

where the girl talks about getting a wax appointment (or some other appointment) after a really long time and plays it off as a guy waxes her which usually gets the significant other really confused thinking “a guy waxes you..?”

"Oh baby!" You sing as you push that door open to Fratboy!Jaehyun's room.

It's a handful of days before his birthday now and all week you've been doing the prep you need for a very romantic and heated night with your own Valentine Boy. You'd gotten your nails done, been doing face masks, done a few hair masks, gotten your eyebrows done, and finally today, "guess who got her coochie waxed!"

Your exclamation is met with a "hell yeah!" from down the hall and a flushed Jaehyun scrambling away from his desk to shut the door behind you.

"Ok, love the news, love the mental image, but what did we say about announcing things like that around here?" Jaehyun asks with rosy cheeks.

"But you guys talk about your dicks and balls all the time, why can't you hear about my coochie?"

"Trust me Sweets, I want to hear about her day and night, but I don't want everyone else to hear about her," Jaehyun chuckles while pressing a kiss on your cheek.

You throw yourself onto his bed, turning to watch him settle back into his chair. He rubs your calf softly, "how was it?"

"Hurt like a bitch, but I'm getting used to it. Ash is pretty good about soothing the pain and has good tips for aftercare and all that," you explain.

"Ash? Didn't you used to go to a Jane or something?"

You smile at him, finding it endearing that he listens to what others would consider to be useless details, "yeah, but Jane is on maternity leave, so now I'm seeing Ash. He's good too—"

"He?!" Jaehyun exclaims with his eyes wide with shock.

"Um, yes, he. Is that a problem?" You ask with a confused tilt of your head.

"A guy waxes you, Sweetheart?"

"What is so confusing about this? Yes, my waxer, Ash, is a guy." You state, still not understanding what his incessant questioning is about.

"Sweetheart, another guy is looking at your... lady bits. Like all up and intimate up there while you're probably like spread eagle and showing yourself to him. Shouldn't you only be like that for me?" He asks, speaking slowly and softly in the hopes that you'll understand his point of view better now.

You roll your eyes and push his hand off your leg, "Ash is a 50 something year old gay man who is married and talks about the recipes he most recently made while he's ripping hair out of my 'lady bits'. Can I make it any more clear that he's not interested and more importantly, I'm not either!"

You stand from the bed, throwing your hands up as you continue, "I mean, hello! I got waxed for you! For your birthday! Duh!"

"You know I don't need you to do anything like that. I'm sorry Sweetheart," Jaehyun apologizes, grabbing your hips and tugging you closer to him until he can nuzzle his head against your stomach, "I just went a little crazy thinking about another guy looking at my girl..."

"Your girl? Jae, guys look at me all the time—" you say with a look of confusion until you're interrupted by a single finger against your lips.

"Not you, my girl," Jaehyun mumbles, dragging his finger down from your lips to the waistband of your pants, "her my girl."

You push his head away with a scoff, "oh fuck off, Jaehyun. Coochie privileges revoked until your birthday."

"Damn..."

[littleestkirby]

I don't know if you want this perspective, so I'll put it below a cut, but here's what I can say as a practicing christian who also gets fed up with the church sometimes.

1. I think you may have been mistaught that story; Jesus never refused to heal someone. It could either be (a) the story where he doesn't travel to heal a believer's daughter becaus he heals her from that distance. (Basically, the girl's father said "I know you can heal her from here" and Jesus was impressed by his faith and said "ok I will") or (b) the story where he stops to heal someone else on the way (a bleeding woman who had been cast out from her community) and the girl dies before he gets there. He then raises her from the dead

2. The goal of Christianity is to know God. As someone smarter than me (CS Lewis, maybe?) once put it, "we don't love God because we want to go to heaven, we want to go to heaven because we love God." Basically, heaven isn't a magic rainbow land where everything YOU want comes true, it's a perfect union with god. Following Jesus (in the christian belief, anyway) is the closest you can get to heaven on earth. So, OF COURSE Jesus cares about "good christians" (though the bible says no one person alone is truly good; most who would refer to themselves as "good christians" are... misguided to say the least) Because christianity isn't a pass/fail class where if you feed enough homeless people and don't have sex before marriage, you get to go to rainbowland; it's a personal relationship with your Father/Savior/Creator. That relationship (I believe) DOES make your life better, but not in a "you'll drive a nice car and never get sick" kind of way, but a "you'll be at peace with yourself and those around you" kind of way.

3. Jesus doesn't go out of his way to meet with sinners because they're the ones whose souls are in danger, he goes out of his way to meet with sinners because they actually have the humility to listen. THEY actually WANT to know him and have been kept out of the synagogues. There are no good, already-going-to-heaven people in the bible. The Pharisees (self-appointed and societally recognized "good religious people" in the gospels) are NOT fans of Jesus and they are NOT obeying God; the reason he doesn't seek them out is because they wouldn't have listened. They BELIEVED they were already right about everything, so they were just threatened by his influence instead. They were too busy LOOKING righteous and trying to trap him in doctrine to try to know him or God.

4. Obviously, you don't have to listen to any of this. Of course I can't explain why suffering happens, or why it affects who it does. That's one of like, the main things that the collective efforts of christians through history can't explain. I'm not expecting this to convert you, but just wanted to help you understand why so many people still believe all this despite, yknow. All the suffering and stuff

One of the biggest eye-openers for me back when a I went to church was that like…

Oh man how do I explain it.

There’s this prevalent idea I see a lot in Christian circles that if you pray right, if you follow God correctly, if you’re a truly virtuous person, your problems will be solved, right?

If you suffer, if you fall ill, if bad things happen, it’s because you aren’t good enough. You don’t need medicine because if you’re worthy, if you’re faithful enough, God will reward you by healing you. Right?

But like. Discussing this with my mother, and travelling out east with our pastor… Jesus didn’t spend all his time with perfect, virtuous people. Jesus didn’t seek out and heal well-to-do, faithful, perfect Christians. In fact, there’s a specific story in which he straight up doesn’t travel out to heal a believer’s dying daughter, because she’s already “saved”. Her earthy death is okay because she’s going to heaven already.

And like… coming from our Pastor, who is one of the best guys I’ve ever met- there seems to be an ongoing, underlying message of, “Jesus doesn’t care about you if you’re a good Christian”. If you’re a good Christian, if you’re living a virtuous life on earth, then any suffering you experience is only temporary- your ETERNITY is secure. Jesus goes out of his way to meet with sinners and the unfaithful because those are the people whose souls are in danger.

So like. In that perspective, being good doesn’t make your life better, it’s just good for others and good for your soul. Praying and doing good probably won’t cure your cancer, but it may mean you don’t have to worry too much about your death.

And like. I dunno. I wouldn’t call myself a Christian, but I find myself thinking about that concept a lot

Does suffering mean you deserve a reward?

Is suffering proof that you’re unworthy?

Or is suffering just an unfortunate facet of life that doesn’t reflect on your worth, that you still have to deal with as best you can?

Maybe suffering is just suffering.

Maybe the bad things you experienced weren’t about you

And maybe you just gotta try your best and be kind anyways, so you can rest easy when you go

[maenefa]

Ok, so if Eowyn wants to die in battle to avoid a worse fate at the hands of the enemy, why is it so easy to miss that??? Why does Tolkien misdirect us?

I could write a whole essay on Tolkien’s love of understatement, of meaningful silence, of “glimpses of untold stories,” but let’s focus on Eowyn for now.

Tolkien creates a suffocating bubble of silence around Eowyn. It’s brilliant and horrible and I love it and I hate it.

Faramir tells Eowyn what he thinks about her motives: “You desired to have the love of the Lord Aragorn…. But when he gave you only understanding and pity, then you desired to have nothing, unless a brave death in battle.” And Eowyn doesn’t correct him! She just looks at him silently. And she declares her love for him during this scene.

Eowyn is often described as “frozen” or “cold,” and it’s clear that she has to hide her true feelings a lot of the time. Tolkien REALLY hits us over the head with the silencing of Eowyn in the Houses of Healing, when all the men are staring at her unconscious body and wondering why she was so unhappy. Eomer is positive that her crush on Aragorn was the problem; Aragorn doesn’t want to take the blame. Finally Gandalf speaks up:

“My friend, you had horses, and deeds of arms, and the free fields; but she, being born in the body of a maid, had a spirit and courage at least the match of yours.”

And then he says this:

“My lord, if your sister’s love for you, and her will still bent to her duty, had not restrained her lips, you might have heard even such things as these escape them. But who knows what she spoke to the darkness, alone, in the bitter watches of the night, when all her life seemed shrinking, and the walls of her bower closing in about her, a hutch to trammel some wild thing in?”

Gandalf has just made the most openly feminist statement in the novel (aside from Eowyn and her “burned in the house” speech), but he follows it by saying that Eowyn has private thoughts that he cannot or will not explain. It is up to the men to decide if they want to know more. Eomer is deeply struck by Gandalf’s words and silently rethinks his entire life with Eowyn.

And then Aragorn has a truly infuriating bros-before-hoes moment: he breaks the uncomfortable silence by reassuring Eomer that yeah, maybe Eowyn’s crush on him was actually the problem after all. Just a minute earlier, he had denied responsibility for Eowyn’s despair. But he hates to see his friend, his brother in arms, feeling shamed. So he jumps in to rescue Eomer from his negative emotions. And Eowyn is RIGHT THERE, silent and unable to defend herself.

We already know that Aragorn is reluctant to know more about Eowyn’s problems. During their confrontation in Dunharrow, Aragorn dodges all of Eowyn’s attempts to make him see her point of view.

“A time may come soon,” said he, “when none will return. Then there will be need of valour without renown, for none shall remember the deeds that are done in the last defence of your homes. Yet the deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.”

And she answered: “All your words are but to say: you are a woman, and your part is in the house. But when the men have died in battle and honor, you have leave to be burned in the house, for the men will need it no more. But I am of the House of Eorl and not a serving-woman. I can ride and wield blade, and I do not fear either pain or death.”

“What do you fear, lady?” he asked.

Neither Aragorn nor Eowyn want to talk about what will happen to her if the enemy wins; this is why there is so much misdirection about Eowyn’s motives! Aragorn glosses over the atrocities that are likely to happen and tells Eowyn she can have a heroic last stand, as a treat. Eowyn is infuriated by his poetic vagueness and spits out this horrifying image of being burned alive—but then she fiercely insists that she is a warrior and fears neither pain nor death. She doesn’t want to perform feminine vulnerability to get Aragorn to listen to her. Eowyn is proud and dignified, which makes it especially painful when she resorts to kneeling and begging Aragorn to let her fight. As she tells Faramir, she desires no man’s pity.

I have to give a shoutout to @balrogballs, who has written about this subject extensively:

The cultural fantasy of the female victim of violence often traps women in an unyielding present tense, positioning them as symbols of sentimentality. These women are objectified and become sites of social intervention, their suffering the focal point of external pity and mourning. The narrative demands their pain be witnessed, but rarely offers a way forward, reducing them to objects for emotional consumption rather than subjects of their own story.

This is exactly what Eowyn is trying to avoid. She wants to be remembered as a hero, not a victim.

Tolkien embroiders this theme very cunningly by having Faramir give Eowyn a cloak that belonged to his mother, Finduilas, who died when he was five. Faramir thinks the cloak is “fitting for the beauty and sadness of Eowyn,” which has a deeper meaning that he probably does not intend. Finduilas is also the name of an elf maiden from the Silmarillion, who was captured by orcs and killed with a spear. In Tolkien’s work, both Finduilases exist mainly to provide tragic backstories for male protagonists. Oh, and Arwen’s name was originally Finduilas as well. To be a Finduilas is to be beautiful and passive, and to die tragically. A fate that Eowyn rages against.

(The Finduilas thing becomes even more absurdly cryptic when you recall that only Tolkien knew about the tragic connotation of the name at the time LotR was published. But he did this kind of thing!!! Recall Elrond and his warning against oaths.)

I have always wondered why Eowyn didn’t challenge Faramir when he informed her that she was suicidal because of Aragorn. Perhaps she simply wanted to put the whole nightmare behind her.

But the most painful silence, to me, involves Theoden. Gandalf reveals that Wormtongue was planning to rape Eowyn, and Theoden says nothing. Eomer grabs his sword and has to be restrained from killing Wormtongue, but Theoden actually offers Wormtongue a second chance to prove his loyalty:

"Do you hear this, Wormtongue?" said Theoden. "This is your choice: to ride with me to war, and let us see in battle whether you are true; or to go now, whither you will. But then, if ever we meet again, I shall not be merciful."

This betrayal of Eowyn happens so fast that it is easy to miss. None of the characters comment on it, and the narrative moves on. There’s something horribly realistic about a powerful man with a beloved image casually offering a second chance to a sexual predator and everyone, including the reader, being unable to process what is happening.

The silences in Eowyn’s story come from the male characters and from Eowyn herself. Theoden and Aragorn want to avoid talking about the type of violence that threatens her, and they ignore her desires. Eowyn doesn’t want to be trauma porn; she resents having to explain herself. And this silence offers readers the freedom to empathize with her, like Eomer, or to fall back on sexist explanations, like Aragorn.

[mj-iza-writer]

Caretaker watched Whumpee slump onto the shopping cart while Caretaker picked out some apples.

"Whumpee, do you want oranges as well?", Caretaker gently brushed Whumpee's hair out of their face.

Whumpee looked up tiredly.

"Uh-oh, that's not a good sign", Caretaker sighed.

"Mm, ok", Whumpee mumbled.

"Read this", Caretaker held up a package.

Whumpee studied the package for a little too long.

"See you can't read English", Caretaker set the package down.

"I can barely read English on good days anyways", Whumpee sighed, "это ничего не объясняет (that doesn't explain anything)."

Caretaker set the apples in the cart, "I have a few more things to get. Can you hold out for a few more minutes?"

"Да...ye... yes", Whumpee frowned at their struggle, and finally nodded, "ymhmm", they hummed.

Caretaker sighed at the long lines.

"I'm okay", Whumpee leaned on the cart again, "just really... sleepy."

"Yes, and your accent is coming out stronger as well", Caretaker rubbed Whumpee's back.

"I'll fall asleep right here if you keep doing that", Whumpee mumbled into their arm.

Caretaker smiled weakly, "why didn't you say anything sooner?"

"I... just start feeling  dis", Whumpee stuttered, "I'm done with English... too hard."

"Just hold on until I can get to the translator at home. Please hold on", Caretaker pleaded, "I am still very new to Russian... you remember that right?"

"Да (yes)", Whumpee whispered.

"Go ahead and get comfortable on the couch. Let's take your temperature", Caretaker hurried into the kitchen, "you always get hit so hard when you get sick. It always seems to hit so sudden. Or you refuse to admit that you're sick due to your Russian stubbornness. You won't say anything until it's really bad."

Whumpee collapsed onto the couch and burried their face into one of the soft pillows.

Caretaker came out with a cup of water and the thermometer.

"Sit up, please. I need to take your temperature, and I'll need to get some medicine in you."

Whumpee moaned an unintelligible reply.

"Can you understand me?", Caretaker knelt beside the couch.

"Я то тебя отлично понимаю (I understand you perfectly well)", Whumpee mumbled into the pillow.

"I will definitely look that up later on the translator app... if I can spell it at least", Caretaker sighed, "for right now, we will pretend that you said, Caretaker is the best person alive."

Caretaker lifted Whumpee's arm and tucked the thermometer into Whumpee's armpit.

"Mmm", Whumpee moaned.

"It's either your armpit or your butt since you won't lift your head up", Caretaker waited for the ding.

"Я чувствую, что сейчас потеряю сознание (I feel like I'm going to pass out)", Whumpee glanced up from the pillow.

Caretaker frantically pulled out their phone, "Whumpee I need you to repeat that really slowly into my phone."

That was never a face you wanted Whumpee to make.

Whumpee blinked slowly, "неа (nope)", they whimpered.

Caretaker watched as Whumpee's eyes rolled back. Their head fell to the pillow. 

"Whumpee... Whumpee", Caretaker pulled them up, "Whumpee?"

Whumpee woke up to a bright light being turned on.

"Ymph, "Где Я? (Where am I)", they looked around.

"In the hospital", someone grabbed Whumpee's hand, "you about gave me a heartattack."

"I'm glad to see them awake", someone from the opposite side of the room spoke up, "their temperature was quite high, and it kept climbing. Let's check it again."

Whumpee sighed as a thermometer was placed under their tongue.

"Wut hapen?", Whumpee side-eyed Caretaker.

"Please don't talk while the thermometer is in your mouth", the person sighed.

"I'm just glad they are talking in English, they switched to Russian on me", Caretaker squeezed Whumpee's hand.

"Is that normal?", the person looked at Whumpee with concern, "temp is still ellevated."

"Yes, it's their first language. It's easier for them to speak it. Except it makes it harder for those who don't understand. Such as when you tell someone you are going to pass out", Caretaker glared at Whumpee.

"I'm sorry... I couldn't remember how to say it", Whumpee whispered sadly, "everything was fuzzy and echoey."

Caretaker watched as the person left the room.

"We need to work on your English", Caretaker smirked.

"I understand and can speak English just fine. We need to work on your Russian", Whumpee sighed.

Caretaker squeezed Whumpee's hand again, "I thought you had died."

"I'm sorry Caretaker", Whumpee whispered, "I didn't mean to scare you. It happened quickly, and I couldn't form the right words."

"It's alright, I'm just happy to be talking to you again", Caretaker smiled weakly, "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."

"Eh, you'll manage", Whumpee sat up.

Caretaker took the chance and got up to hug Whumpee.

"Что делаешь? (what are you doing?)", Whumpee grunted.

"What does it look like I'm doing?", Caretaker laughed while still hugging Whumpee, "let me hug you."

Whumpee sighed and patted Caretaker's back, "I'm sorry I scared you."

Caretaker sighed in relief, "it's okay. I'm just glad you're awake."

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all.

@weirdthingweee @the-beasts-have-arrived

@sacredwrath @porschethemermaid

@monarchthefirst @generic-whumperz

@bloodyandfrightened @freefallingup13

@notpeppermint @cyborg0109

@idontreallyexistyet @painfulplots

@whumpbump @everythingsscary

@skittles-the-whumpee @expressionless-fr

@theforeverdyingperson @legendarydelusiongoatee

@candleshopmenace @whumpanthems

@lavndvrr @ivymyers

@starfields08000 @a-living-canvas

@lumpofsand @watermeezer

@indigoviolet311 @whumpy-mountains

@risk606 @electrons2006

@paperprinxe @whumprince

@kaz-of-crows @mis-graves

@decaffeinatedtimetraveler94 @sausages-things

@isikedmyself878 @daffyduckcommittedtaxfraud

@valravnthefrenchie @glennemerald

@jasperthecapser @does-directions

@jumpywhumpywriter @blackbirdsinatrenchcoat

@mylifeisonthebookshelf @thenormalestever

@whatwhump @galatic-worm

@starmoon-constellation @bacillusinfection

[linkman447]

Bmlb kid: so that’s how you two fell in love but when did you have me

Yang: ask your uncle jaune

Blake: YANG!!!

Yang:what it’s true

Blake: yeah but still

Bmlb kid: why would uncle jaune have anything to do with me

Yang: the same reason as your cousin Adrian

Blake: wait really?

Yang: … how could you not know terra gave us the idea for this

Blake: I just thought she was being helpful

Bmlb kid: ok I explained this from mama yang but not you mommy

Door slammed open revealing jaune

Jaune: I need to hide here for a moment terra told Weiss and Ruby I help with Adrian and now I’m being hunted

Yang: who’s going to be the mother?

Blake: really

Yang: I’m curious

Jaune: Weiss

Yang: good

Jaune: so can I hide here

Yang: sure vb

Bmlb kid: only if you give me a brother or sister

Blake/yang/jaune: what!!!!

Bmlb kid: what you said uncle jaune help you make me so I want a little brother or sister

Yang: …

Jaune:….

Blake:… ok but yangs doing it

Yang: Blake

Blake: what my hips were killing me after

Jaune: hopefully I won’t be covered in cuts this time

Yang: … well come one lover boy we’re going to make a vary blond child

Happy Valentines!!!! 💕❤️‍🔥

Bonus NSFW illustration avaliable for

[sunrisecaminus]

Hello ! Can I request Optimus or Starscream with a reader who has self-doubt and struggles with validation (maybe work/academic related if thats ok)? (Fluff/comfort)

Message - Ok Optimus wasn't hard, because he is a sweetie pie, but omg Starscream was so funny to write for because I always saw him as the type to think of self-doubt as weak and is not good with comforting. Hopefully this was good enough, but I liked this a lot!

Optimus and Starscream x Reader Headcanons

Summary - Headcanons of human reader being comforted by Optimus and Starscream when they have self-doubts.

Type of Headcanons - Comfort/Fluff

Optimus

~ This man was kind of the same as you in a way and never wanted to let you go through his problems as well.

~ Whenever he gives you something important, he notices a lot when you are nervously telling yourself not to fuck it up…Yeah he is going to work on you.

~ Optimus would tell you a lot that you can work while playing music, which helped him a lot before the war with being an archivist.

~ Now he is embarrassed on spilling his music choices to you, because you have no idea what the Cybertronian music sounds like and might talk to Ratchet later to find out. He will never let you listen to his old favorite music playlist.

~ Optimus will compliment you on your work whenever you are done, which in turn makes you flustered and say "noooooo" a lot. He finds it adorable and when you guys are alone, shower you with kisses and words of affection to hear more of your constant whining.

~ You have no idea why, but being on his shoulders while working on something helps you be more confident. Either the matrix is giving you support, or being on something tall helps you feel like you are on top of the world.

~ He understands your feelings whenever you feel as though you are not good enough for the other Autobots.

~ "You are just as important to the team as everyone else…maybe more."

~ The one thing you both love to do when you are not having a good time with your confidence is to walk around in nature. It doesn't have to be green tree and beautiful skies though, both of you drive to the middle of the desert and walk around. No cities, trees, or people. Just you, the sand, and Optimus taking one slow step at a time because how small you are.

~ You both talk about funny stories, trying to keep your mind off a project you got a low grade on.

~ "Why don't I take you back? You can sleep with me for the night?"

Starscream

~ I am so sorry, but this man is so aggressive with his compliments.

~ He has no idea why you think this way and insults you, making it worse XD

~ "Why do you think such low things about you? What? Is your stupid human brain not working?"

~ After explaining to him why you think those thoughts, that was when he took your problems personally.

~ If you had these thoughts because of a bad childhood, this man would honestly ask where this bad person lives to blow up the house.

~ If you had depression or another mental health issue, he would help by taking you to Knockout and have a fun movie night.

~ If you just wanted to get your mind off of your self doubt, there are two things this man could do.

~ Either he would distract you by talking about his life before the war and what went on.

~ Or he would take you flying. Better get use to the g-force, because he does loops and twists a lot.

~ He would compliment you on your achievements, even if they were small. You could do the laundry for yourself and he would call you his best sweetspark in the universe and congratulate you on finding your strengths.

~ Ok this may seem a bit dark, but he would defend you from Megatron…even if it costs him a wing and an arm. Megs is probably one of the many reasons you feel down.

~ He would love to dance with you from time to time. Turning on elegant music and twirling you around with his fingers.

~ "You are wonderful darling, don't let some useless slag get to you."

[chaifootsteps]

idk if you've heard of him but there's a youtuber called friendly space ninja who reviews TV shows.

anyway, he did a video on The Vampire Diaries and had a section about the racism problem the writers have. it was one of those things where if it had just been one thing it would have been 'OK not great, that could be fixed' but it was this never ending list of ways in which PoC on the show were treated as second class where I don't think anyone in their right mind could deny it when you lay it all out, start to finish

that's how I feel about how female characters are treated on Hazbin but especially on Helluva.

to give an idea of scale:

took nearly two seasons for Millie to get her own episode and it's about her having to babysit Blitzo and Moxxie and gives her hangups about her class out of nowhere

episode about Millie and Moxxie having the same ex shows his backstory only, with Millie's shunted into some hypothetic future episode even though the ex is now dead and no one has any reason to care any longer

episode about going to Millie's home is a Moxxie episode where the main drama is between Moxxie and Striker and Blitzo and Striker

Unhappy Campers tries to be a Millie episode and is still a Moxxie episode

Millie complaining that they, an assassin business, shouldn't skip out on an assassin job, is framed as pregnancy hormones

Millie gets a surprise pregnancy storyline because Viv doesn't know what else to do with her (she basically admitted that on a tweet thread where she also admitted prioritising Stolas, Moxxie and Blitzo instead of just, idk, rewriting the story to make a female character have more of a dynamic with the main male lead)

Loona has two focus episodes and basically stops being a character in her own right in season two

Loona's sad orphanage backstory is used in a flashback to benefit Blitzo's emotional breakthrough. the backstory hasn't come up again since

Loona and Millie's screentime has basically been handed to Stolas, who got all the song numbers, too

Loona is supposed to be friendless /awkward but has friends over for Sinsmas? would have been nice to see that development

Loona and Millie are two main characters but they barely have a consistent dynamic with each other and certainly don't feel like friends.

Verosika goes from interesting ex who might also have contributed to the breakup with her alcoholism (some ambiguity at least) to character who exists solely to be hung up on Blitzo, explain his intimacy problems and to cheerlead for Stolas (who she doesn't know and is nothing but rude and judgemental to her)

Fails the Mako Mori test and probably also the Bechdel Test, two seasons in

Via goes from sort of well fleshed out to just a prop to make Stolas cry. Like Blitzo, the valid reasons she could criticize him are played down as much as possible and she's framed as not getting what's really going on

Stella is in an arranged marriage but the show only portrays Stolas as the victim (even though he has more money and power than her and she was forced to physically deliver an egg she didn't want, basically making her a depiction of the nightmares of being a tradwife in a society that treats her like an incubator - this likely wasn't the writer's intent but it speaks to a basic lack of empathy for the backstory they've written for Stella)

Stella having parties and socialising is used as proof of how vapid she is even though she has little else to do since she's stuck being Stolas' wife (and there's nothing wrong with liking parties? this is the exact opposite of the Mane Six in MLP who model a lot of different pursuits and ways of being female without looking down on any of them)

Stella in general is a caricature of a shrew wife who makes Lisa from The Room look subtle

why is Stella so abusive? she was born evil; no further questions.

cheating is wrong only if you're female. if you're male your wife will be rewritten to be a 2D depiction of an abuser

also if you're male cheating is fine. it's so fine that Blitzo will refuse to kill two cheating men and claim it's not that big a deal because he's projecting he and Stolas onto them

male villains are fun performance pieces. female villains are Stella and Glitz&Glam

Speaking of Glitz and Glam, they're two dimensional bitches and it's treated like it's good when they get hurt and that they'll be Mammon's new victims

both Moxxie and Blitzo's mother go unnamed in the show despite dying horrifically. they don't get a single line despite both of their fathers being named and with speaking parts - they exist to be tragic saints before being stuffed into the fridge. Blitzo's mother in particular is a major source of his angst. Moxxie's father's bodyguard, meanwhile, was given his own name despite being a bit part who matters not at all on an emotional level (and is shipped with Crimson by the fandom who is happy to flesh out his character despite his also being abusive). the closest we have to a well written mother is Lin, Millie's mother, who appeared back in - hey, season one! what are the odds?

Stolas' mother also doesn't appear to be present on this plane of existence. Paimon meanwhile gets his own introduction and a big chunk of screen time

and even this list might not cover everything!

I ask anyone who can read this and still thinks the show is fine at writing women - how can you still believe that?

and for the 'it's only halfway done!!' crowd I'll simply point out this: in order to fix even half of the issues I've laid out the show would have to have a very heavy focus on its female characters during its back half.

and as of right now we have no reason to believe that will happen. Stolas has joined IMP so he'll only get more screentime - we'll just never be rid of him. Bland as bread Vassago will probably get more screentime alongside Andrealphus, not to mention the likelihood of forcing the audience to endure a Blitzo/Stolas/Vassago love triangle because the fandom likes the idea and I could see Viv going for it too. Stolas is probably going to be given a storyline that's nominally about him learning to have empathy for the poor but in reality is just more of him not changing, bitching and moaning like always while Blitzo waits on him hand and foot.

Via is very likely about to be villainized or at least made to look even more dumb and mean for daring to cut her father off, if that storyline even lasts longer than a few episodes before Viv and Stolas give up caring about it (he'd practically thrown in the towel already in the s2 finale).

what room is there amongst the rest of this mess of garbage for any focus to be given to female characters?

the one storyline outside of Via is Millie's surprise pregnancy, which is a storyline you pull out when you have nothing else for a female character to do and let's be real, is probably just gonna end up being about Moxxie again

Uh oh...you laid it all out in plain black and white, so it's even more apparent how miserably this show treats women! You know how much the fandom hates that!

[mttonex]

if you're still doing art requests could you draw tophabe as ponies..... pretty pls....I'm in love with the way u draw ponies your designs are so cute and make me want to create my own.....

THANK U!!! I'm so happy other people like my ponies as much as i do :3

also yes.. join me in clone pony hell.....

here are their full designs btw 😁😁😁

ok now explaining their cutie marks bc i felt smart for coming up with them:

Abe's is supposed to be a combination of a top hat and lighthouse. A top hat for what i hope are obvious reasons, and lighthouse because his house has lighthouse decor literally everywhere (he doesn't have any of the decor in his room though, so it might just be his foster parents who really like lighthouses but idc let me have this) I also thought just having a top hat as his cutie mark would be too boring so I wanted to add something extra to it lol. The hat kinda gets lost in the design tho and I don't really think people would see it if I didn't point it out but WHATEVERR (note from after I finished writing this: I just remembered Joan's...dream and Abe's lighthouse impression from the sleepover episode, that was NOT intentional 😭😭😭😭😭)

Topher's cutie mark is a horseshoe surrounding the earth, meant to look like a globe. The earth is pear-shaped because Topher has a globe in his room and it looks like that 😭 Also the horseshoe looks like the letter C.... like.... Christopher Columbus..... In this au or whatever I hc he got his cutie mark when he was younger, and when Christopher Columbus got "cancelled" he started covering it up, like how he changed his name (also this implies that all the clone parents are real and ponies in this universe which I think is really funny) Topher's fake cutie mark is a rainbow because of his whole woke ally thing he's got going on 💀 Also a fake cutie mark because he's fake woke...do u get me

um anyway sorry for rambling bye😁

[shinyhairhands]

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

OK SO, I CAN EXPLAIN (｡•́︿•̀｡) I don't know how to draw...yet, this was my first lil sonadow-fan-art-thingy that I just needed to get out of my head and dump it somewhere, so apologies if some (or most) details are weird, first try at drawing sonic and shadow (︶^︶) (winged it) so yk... AnYWAY all credits to @snovi 's comic AND @sonadowcentral from whom I got the ref for sonic's pose (҂ ꒦ິヮ꒦ິ) psst...bro go read their sonadow's au if you haven't already, their art is delicious and got me wanting to draw again, I even got myself a tutor to ACTUALLY KNOW HOW lol :]

MAAN there's a ton of talented peps in here bless up (ノ ° 益 °) ノ-♡´- pls just rub me some of that 𖥔 ݁ ˖ talent 𖥔 ݁ ˖

[beardisable]

NO WAY HOMESTUCK UPD8

ok i went thru 8r8k frame by frame on my second watch and made quite a lot of notes and i thought id post them bc its fun !

GOD TAVVY IS SO COOL… im so glad a tavros gets to be so cool holy shit, his name lives on 💪

sollux with the food delivery person 😭 something something essential workers in the middle of an apocalypse

god this song fucks so hard, ashamed i dont immediately recognize it from my teen years of only listening to hs soundtracks on repeat (ITS AGGRIEVOCATION FROM VOL 10. ROSE BANGER)

ok hold up. meenah with the red miles? OH nvm its her life powers… anti-red miles… infrared miles

THE ANCESTOR PAINTINGS RRHHHAAAGHHHHHHHHH

dissapointed tpose teenvriska <3

THE YIFFY AND KANAYA STAREDOWN… i LOVE the tavvy kick(insane) but i also wish we saw kanaya chainsaw a missile in half

UNCLE DAVE- 😭 wait does his captcha card say FA99YUNC. ok i think its AA99YUNC but PFFFFF (discord confirmed its 4A99YUNC. continues to be hilarious)

karkat nooo 😭 im glad he hasnt fallen into the trap of masc adulthood

I NEED TO TUCK THEM INTO BED OUGH THEYRE SO CUUTEEEEEE I LOVE HOMESTUCK ART

that hyperrealistic sollux is killing meeeee 😭

something. something about jade falling down and jakes fist closing and lighting up and aufhghgh SO GOOD I NEED TO RUN AROUND MY APARTMENT BUILDING IN CIRCLES BUT ITS SNOW

ok now i actually get to see wtf was up with jakes jesus moment

THE CRACKED GLASSSESSSSSSSS AND HER RISING UP IN THE FUCKING RESURRECTION RAINBOWWWW oh my god it looks so gorgeous

JADE CRACKING NECKSSSSS wtf is she even- is she like bringing their skulls outside of their heads and THEN cracking their necks? like theres an extra step here that i appreciate for the flavour girl

these 2 lovers on the battlefield having the shortest enemies to lovers that is possible in homestuck since usually it takes between 3 to billions of years for anyone else

wait i literally didnt even see that she pressed this.

christ the yiffy/fuchsia/carapacian/drone robot thing is so fucking cool i want to cosplay that IMMEDIATELYYYYYYY AAHHH

WHY IS VRISKA BONKING AND SHOOTING HER KIDSELF- i dont remeber what happened just before this- (got this explained and idk why i was suprised, she hates herself)

KARKATS LITTLE FUCKING. CRAB ROBOT!??!?!?! IM SLACK JAWED

holy shit ant man is here

little guys

seeing the contrast between the literal massive guy and fucking. that one guy that was a god i think? crying over his food delivery in the middle of a battlefield and saying um nope, is so funny

jake fucking. hope torch. (like from deadpool & wolverine)

OH. of course she finished on year 8. i should have seen that coming tbh

ohhhh ok she stole johns phone lmao-

NO BUT. the fact that teen vriska is so scared of her reaction and immediately recoils and puts her hands up in defence bc it seems vriska HAS been like. fucking with her trying to kill her and hurt her. so shes not at all expecting vriska to actually hug her and then immediately melts into her embrace…

i need a fucking minute oh my god 🥹 the vrisual novel and this has thoroughly made me a vriska lover

RUNNING THRU ALL THE PANELSSSS AAAAAAAGHHHHHHH SO GOOD

chewing on the hand mirror

VRISKA NEW OUTFIT LOOKS SO GOOOODDDD FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF the 8 into infinity… and beyond!! hehe

among us

OBSESSED WITH THE VRISKA DESIGN AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oughghghghgh the permanent crescent moon but then vriska in front of it to Light up the whole thing- SCREAMINGGG

SHE BURNED AN INFINITY INTO THE GROUND IN HER FLYING RAMPAGE omfg

i just really enjoy the little pixellated jane

YEAH.

okay thats it im. wow. wow. WOW!!!!

GOOD NIGHT

[lonely-ey3s]

With All My Love : Chapter 13 | road trip - part one

Chapter 13 : Road Trip pt. 1

Pairings: joel miller x f!reader (no outbreak)

Word count: 11.5k

Chapter Summary: After your engagement party you struggle to understand how you feel. However, after meeting with your therapist a couple times, Joel thinks a road trip would do you all good.

Chapter warnings: Chapter warnings: SMUT (18+ MDNI), public-ish sex, unprotected piv, anxiety, flashbacks of traumatic memories, mentions of PTSD anxiety, mentions of thoughts of unaliving, FLUFF, joel being an absolute lover, soft!joel, possessive!joel use of Spanish but with translations, use of y/n, and therapy session.

a/n: requests are open! please send prompts or things you would like to see more of!

Dividers by: @saradika-graphics 

Main Masterlist

Joel woke up before you that next morning, finding you still wrapped in his arms, sleeping peacefully. Your facial features relaxed, a small smile etched into your lips, nothing harming you in your sweet dreams. 

He turned his head and looked at the time, seeing it was close to 10 am. 

He gently kissed your head and stroked your cheek which caused you to make a hum in your sleep and turn off of him, cuddling up to the pillow as you turned around, staying deep in sleep. 

He took that opportunity to get up and get some sweats and a t-shirt on before coming over and kissing your cheek, stroking your hair back, whispering, “I’m just going to make some calls downstairs… I’ll be back.” he kissed your cheek again as you sleepily nodded and smiled, “Ok cowboy…” you said heavy with sleep. 

He brushed your hair back and then grabbed his phone from the nightstand and headed down the stairs dialing Diane’s number, Sarah and Elena were already up and cooking breakfast. 

Within a few rings, Diane answered, “Diane speaking…” 

Joel cleared his throat, “Mornin’ Diane, it’s Joel Miller, how are you?” 

Diane smiled, “Joel, it’s so good to hear from you. I hear congratulations are in order!” 

Joel smiled softly and chuckled, “Yes, thank you. I uh… I was wondering if I could talk to you however about somethin’ else, do you have a few moments to talk?” 

Elena saw him coming down the stairs and went to greet him when she saw he was on the phone and looked at him, holding up the pan she was cooking with, nonverbally asking if he wanted any, he nodded and smiled, walking into the living room, sitting on the couch. 

“I uhm, I know Y/N doesn’t have another session with you for another week but I think she may need an emergency session, we had an incident last night that may have knocked her back a few steps.” Joel held the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he explained your mental state, still feeling frustrated by it. 

“I’m sorry to hear that. I appreciate you reaching out and would love to fit her for an emergency session today or tomorrow. What happened if you don’t mind me asking?” Diane asked softly. 

Joel sighed softly and thanked her before explaining the chain of events. He also explained more in-depth where you seemed to be mentally, how you were anxiously telling yourself you were too much for him and worried that mentality could make you depressed or even potentially suicidal if it continued without intervention. 

Diane agreed and said that was a concern of hers too after hearing how you were. She offered to see you sooner rather than later and said she had some time this evening to see you, said it would be best for him to come with, and depending on what you wanted, he could sit in the session or not, but she wanted him there in case anything happened with triggers. He agreed and said he would bring you to her office at 4 pm. 

Joel ended the call and sat on the couch for a moment, thinking what he needed to do from now until then, he looked at his phone and dialed Tommy’s number as he said he’d call him this morning. 

It rang a few times then Tommy picked up, “Hey, how’s she doing?” 

Joel cleared his throat, “Still in bed but she’s ok. I just got off the phone with Diane, she’s worried about some things she said when I got into bed last night and is getting her in for a session later today.” 

Tommy sighed softly, “What did she say? Is she going to be ok?” he worried he did something more than just trigger you. He knew the fragility of someone’s mental and emotional state once they got home and worried somehow he set something a lot bigger. 

“She was sayin’ things like how she was too much, how she’s a burden. She kept apologizin’ too… like somehow her reaction to the trauma she went through was her fault.” he said softly, feeling anxiety creep into his mind now, “What if I’m not enough Tommy? What if she needs more than what I can give her?” Joel said quietly, almost close to a whisper. 

“Joel, you’re kidding right? If you aren’t enough for her, then what does that make me for Maria? You are ten times the man I am… you move mountains for that girl, you’d rearrange the constellations and planets for her if it made her smile. You can’t seriously think you aren’t enough. You…” he sighed softly and chuckled, “Joel, she looks at you when you aren’t lookin’ like you molded the moon to hang for her in the night sky. She was lookin’ at you yesterday with every ounce of love that woman possesses in her heart… you’re it for her. Now you’ve got that ring on her finger, she’d go down to the courthouse in a matter of seconds if it meant becoming your wife. You never have to worry about bein’ enough.” he said bluntly.

Joel lightly chuckled and put his head in his hand, leaning on his knee, “I just always worry I’m not doin’ enough, you know?” 

Tommy tsked and chuckled, “I constantly feel the same way. We are though, we just need to start believin’ it.” 

Joel nodded and looked up at the wall in front of him, it had a photo of you, him, and Sarah hanging from one of her soccer games which made his heart warm and made him smile, “Anyway… I need to get back to things but I’ll keep you and Maria posted throughout the next couple of days. Maybe we can have you over for dinner or something, yeah?” 

Tommy smiled and nodded, “We’d like that.” 

Joel softly took in a breath and told his brother goodbye, sitting on the couch a moment longer before getting up and heading back upstairs with two plates of food that Elena had made for you two. 

Joel had woken you up and made sure you were fed but after you had eaten you went back to sleep after taking a shower, the events of the last few days and especially last night wearing down on you. 

Around 3 pm Joel softly woke you up and told you he got you an appointment with Diane to help with what happened last night but he needed you to wake up so you could get there on time. 

You slowly got up, getting dressed in some oversized jeans, in a vintage sports pullover of Joel’s, and doing your hair up in a messy bun. The goal was to be comfy and get through the rest of the day. 

To be completely honest you weren’t only sleeping because you were exhausted, you slept because it avoided the growing panic attack you felt growing inside your mind, feeling at any moment you were going to explode. 

Elena said she’d stay another night to help out so that he wouldn’t have to worry about Sarah or the house when he got back. You two could focus on what you needed as she assumed this session would take a lot out of you that already was low and fragile. 

Joel held onto your hand as he drove to Diane’s office across town, you focused on counting stop signs while he drove, trying to distract yourself. 

He didn’t push conversation or try to talk, he knew you had a lot going through your head as he saw how quickly your eyes would move from one thing to another, how you were starting to pick at your cuticles again, and your knee would bounce when you sat still. He put the radio on low and let the music fill the air. Occasionally gently squeezing your hand or pulling it to his lips to gently kiss it as he drove. 

He pulled into her parking lot, shut off the truck and turned to look your way, “Do you need a minute? We are here a little early if you need some time…” he gently ran his thumb over the top of your hand. 

You looked at the office doors and shook your head, you knew you were safe there, you knew that Diane’s office was somewhere you could seek help in times like this when your mind wouldn’t stop. 

“I’m ok. I think I’d like to go in now… sit down for a moment.” you said quietly, keeping your eyes on the door, reading the address and phone number on the door over and over again, not letting yourself think about anything else. 

Joel nodded and leaned over, kissing your temple gently, “Ok mi vida, one sec, I’ll come ‘round and get your door…” he opened the truck door and was careful to close it gently, then walked around and got your door, holding out his hand. 

You were staring at the door still, reading the numbers and spelling the street out letter by letter in your mind, your lips moving but not saying anything.  

Joel looked at you then followed your eye line to the door, seeing what was on the door then looked back at you, “1124 Teterbeen Street, Suite B, what’s the phone number baby?” 

You looked at him for a moment and saw his hand out, his big brown eyes eager to help you. You took his hand and got out of the truck, repeating the phone number to him softly. 

“Good, now remind me what’s the address again?” he kissed your temple as he gently shut the door of the truck and walked with you towards the door, listening as you read out the address. 

He opened the office door for you and walked with you inside.

Diane’s office smelled of lavender and eucalyptus which instantly calmed you. Joel could feel the rigidity in your body melt just a little as you held onto his arm. 

Diane’s receptionist smiled at you and Joel and then pushed a button on the desk, which silently let Diane know her next appointment was here by illuminating a lamp in her office just a tad that sat behind her patients so it never felt like they were being rushed but let her know to start wrapping up the session.

“She’s just finishing up, please make yourself comfortable.” she offered softly. 

You took a seat by the waterfall wall she had to bring a calm presence to the waiting area, it was somewhere you always sat before your sessions. 

Joel had never been inside the office, just always dropped you off as Diane always recommended you come in alone so you wouldn’t build a co-dependence on him but today was different, today Joel was there if you needed him you told yourself. 'I'm not alone.'

Joel looked at the wall and moved his hand to take yours, “This is pretty… has it always been here?” he spoke softly. 

You nodded, “She usually has it on. I think it’s to help calm us beforehand… she’s Pavlov-ing us.” you let out a soft snort. 

Joel chuckled, “Pavlov-ing? Like the dog and bell thing?” 

You nodded, “Positive reinforcement I imagine can be conditioned in many ways.” you shrugged, “After all, she is a psychologist, an expert in mind control…” you joked. 

Joel shook his head softly and kissed your head, chuckling, “She’d find that funny…” 

Diane’s office door opened and a young man walked out, thanking her and shaking her hand before he walked to the reception desk to schedule his next appointment. 

Diane smiled at you and cleared her throat, “Y/N… it’s so good to see you.” she came over and you stood, putting on a fake smile for her. 

“It’s good to see you too.” you nodded and put your hands behind you, starting to pick your cuticle, Joel sat and looked at Diane, smiling softly. 

“Well, in today’s session I’d like to speak with you about what happened last night and you’re welcome to have Joel sit out here or if you want, he can come in with you, but the choice is yours. I’ll just have him leave for a few minutes towards the end for you and me to talk about a few things one-on-one.” she smiled kindly and held her notepad against her chest, waiting for you to lead the way. 

You looked back at Joel and then at her, nodded, “Yeah um… can he come?” 

She nodded and smiled, backing up a could steps, “Of course. Let’s take a seat in here.” she held her arm out to guide you into her office. 

Joel stood and put his hand on the small of your back gently, “I’m right here…” he whispered to you, then walked with you as you hesitantly walked inside, all of a sudden feeling very anxious. 

You came around and sat down on the couch she had against the wall facing her chair, Joel joined next to you and softly offered his hand which you took and gently squeezed. 

She sat down and smiled at you, watching you very closely as you looked around and analyzed everything, zoning in on a new photo she had hanging behind her chair, “New photo I see… that’s uh… the Oregon coast, Lincoln city, yeah?” it showed a famous landmark from Lincoln City, Oregon’s beach.

You were deflecting and she knew it. It was something you did in the first couple of sessions you had with her when you started, she had a hard time calling you out on it without you getting defensive, telling her there was nothing wrong with making conversation. 

She knew today was not a day to call you out, instead acknowledged but slowly crawled into talking about what was going on. 

She nodded, “Exactly. You ever been there?” she smiled, leaning back in her chair. 

You shook your head and softly exhaled, “No… but there’s a resident pod of whales that visit there every season… it’s a bucket-list trip Joel and I have talked about doing eventually.” you smiled and looked down at his hand holding yours. 

She smiled and looked at Joel, who was watching you very attentively, gently stroking your hand with his thumb, “I hear it’s a beautiful place to visit. Maybe you two can go on your honeymoon…” She nodded towards your ring and smiled, “Congratulations by the way.” 

You looked at your ring and then at her and lightly let out a breathy chuckle, “Thank you…” 

“When did that happen?” she probed carefully. 

You kept your head down, starting to fiddle with the ring, “Um… two days ago…” you smiled softly and cleared your throat softly, looking at her. 

She nodded, “Joel told me that you guys had a lovely engagement party thrown by some friends and family last night, can you tell me about that? What was your peach, and what was your pit?” she smiled softly. 

You two had used this term often, a good way to express the positives but also negatives of situations without tying them to negative ideas and behaviors. It helped you express things when thinking about it in this way, she seemed to get more out of you when you thought of traumas or events this way. 

You nodded and chuckled, “Uh… peach was Joel’s toast. He uh…” you looked over at him and smiled warmly, “He has a way with words, knows how to make a girl feel like she’s god’s gift to this world.” you chuckled and he smiled, gently bringing your hand to his lips and kissing it. 

“Just speak the truth, mi vida… you are god’s gift to my world.” he winked and smiled softly. 

You blushed and looked down shyly, leaning against him, looking back at your hands connected. 

“Sounds like a good peach. It’s a lovely experience and opportunity we get when we have someone love us that type of way isn’t it?” she said as she wrote something in her notebook. 

You nodded and inhaled, “Makes the pits not so horrible.” you admitted softly, focusing on anything but her, feeling under a microscope by how she was unwrapping you and the last 24 hours. 

She hummed in agreement, “I like that point of view.” she smiled and wrote something more down. 

“Now, on the other end, what was your pit?” she looked up at you. 

You bit the inside of your cheek, and focused on picking your thumb cuticle that was near raw, “I think you’re aware of what was the pit…” 

Diane took a soft breath in and cleared her throat, “I do… but I need you to tell me it in your own words… what made it a pit?” 

You stayed quiet, your foot gently tapping the ground, tears were starting to well up in your eyes, you didn’t want to relive what happened. You knew talking about it would take off the soggy Band-Aid you were using right now and that it would open up an already aching wound. 

“I know it’s painful and perhaps a little hard to talk about…” she leaned forward, “What went through your mind when it first happened? Start there…” 

You swallowed and looked at the corner of the coffee table in front of you, “When I was back in…” you jutted your jaw out and let out a breath, trying to keep yourself calm, “... on our last field assignment, we were out running a damn missile. Same… fuckin’ whistle when it comes down from the sky echoes the field.” rolled your shoulders back and tightened your jaw. 

“Same sounds that fireworks make when they fly up, right?” Diane softly asked.  

You nodded. 

“Tell me why you took cover by the shed, what made that spot feel safe?” 

You shrugged, looking up at her. 

“What made you run to that place rather than inside?” she pressed.  

Joel looked at Diane then you, gently squeezing your hand to give you a little boost of support. 

You looked at him for a moment then looked down at your hands, again tightening your jaw, speaking softly, “Joel was in there… and for a moment I thought I wasn’t safe… that I was back in an active zone… which meant he wouldn’t be safe with me going in there…” you let out a breath through your nose, “So I went as far as I could from his point of location…” you admitted. 

Joel looked at you as you admitted that and then looked at Diane who nodded at him, letting him know that’s what she suspected. 

You looked at Diane, “I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.” 

Diane wrote something in her notebook then bit the inside of her cheek, “I’m curious… let's say if Joel is with you when these moments happen- do you think he experiences the trauma you do, or do you know he isn’t in harm's way? Are you able to separate that in your mind?” 

Your body went rigid and you shook your head, eyes going numb and cold as you looked across the room at her, “I… I don’t know but I don’t want to think about that… I…” you looked down at the floor, “...there’s a peace knowing he and Sarah never will know that fear…” 

Diane nodded, taking a moment before asking, “Do you think that if he had been around when those fireworks would have gone off you would have felt safer?” 

You shrugged, “I… I don’t know.” you had a few tears fall down your cheeks, “Sometimes I can’t separate where I am from where I’ve been…” you sighed softly. 

She wrote something else on the pages then swallowed softly, “When you first took cover, what did you see, feel, hear that made you think you were somewhere you weren’t?” 

You closed your eyes trying to remember, and your knee began bouncing anxiously, “I remember hearing a faint siren in the distance.” your eyes began scanning behind your eyelids, “... the air was thick and dusty, like something may have been hit nearby… I… I could smell something burning…" your lip trembled, "...someone burning…” you whispered, voice breaking, “I couldn’t move… I… I felt cemented into the ground, heavy and…” your breathing became uneven, small jagged breathes as you started remembering details, feeling right back there, making it all too much, “I couldn’t breathe… couldn’t think, couldn’t hear… I felt like…” you shook your head feeling overwhelmed and stood up abruptly, snapping your eyes open, “No… I… I need to get out...” you began looking for the door.  

Diane and Joel's eyes snapped up to you, Joel gently reached out to touch your leg while Diane tried to hold your gaze, “Woah… ok… it’s ok… you’re safe.” Diane said softly, holding up her hands to ease you from her seat, using her hand to tell Joel to stay seated which he did, “Hey, eyes on me… let’s count down from 10…” she said calmly but firmly.

Your hands shook next to your side, fidgeting open and closed, “I can’t… fuck… I can’t do this…” You began to hyperventilate, eyes scanning for an exit, then quickly moving around the table, tripping slightly on the leg, hitting your shin, hissing, “Ah... fuck…” You kept moving and quickly opened the office door, making for the exit.

Diane pushed a button on her table next to her chair which signaled the front door to lock automatically. Her office was by a busy road, and she learned very early on with dealing with patients with PTSD to have this safety tool.

She followed you out calmly and slowly, putting her notebook down on her chair before leaving the room, Joel standing with her and following, eyes filled with concern. 

You pushed the door to open it but weren’t able to open it, which just pissed you off and made you panic, "Open the door…” you jiggled the handle again, trying to open it, “Diane, open the damn door!” your breathing became faster and panicked. 

Diane looked at the receptionist and nodded, she turned up the volume on some white noise that was playing around the office to help ease you. 

“I’m not opening the door sweetheart, it’s not safe…” she said, easing her way closer to you. 

You stood facing the door, placing your head against its cold glass, breathing frantically, “F-fuck… I…” you rolled up your sleeve and started flicking your wrist with a hair tie you had again and again, shutting your eyes. You were told that shocking your senses would help snap out of moments like this in the army. 

Diane heard the band snap against your wrist and nodded, “Good. Senses needing to be shocked I see... good job… you’re doing great.” 

You continued to snap the band against your wrist, slowly falling to your knees, “I can’t go back…” you whispered over and over. 

Diane’s receptionist heard what she had said and reached into a mini fridge she had below the desk and handed Diane an ice pack, something to shock the senses that wasn’t so abrasive to you. 

She knelt slowly, listening to what you were saying, “You aren’t going back… you’re staying here… staying safe. Shhh…” She waited for a moment then cleared her throat “Let’s try holding onto this, yes?” she said reaching out with the cold pack. 

You turned around, your wrist red and raw from the continuous stimulus to it, and sat against the door, facing them, taking the cold pack and holding it against your forehead, after a moment letting out a breath of relief and shaky breathes being taken in and out. 

Joel came and knelt by Diane, careful not to move too quickly, gently reaching out to put his hand on your knee, you looked up at him and saw how worried he looked, how he wanted nothing to do more than help you. 

You looked up at Diane and sadly sighed, looking hopeless, defeated. 

She softly smiled, “Whenever you’re ready we’ll go back and talk about how to help these moments, yes?” she reassured. 

You nodded and closed your eyes, “I’m sorr-” 

Diane cleared her throat, “What is our one rule in here about that…” 

You opened your eyes and softly chuckled, “Right… no apologies are allowed if they are due because of a trauma response…” you mocked her voice teasingly. 

Joel looked back at Diane then quickly back at you, “Ok, so that rule is carrying over into our home…” he chuckled and gently rubbed your knee. 

You rolled your eyes jokingly and smiled softly, “How did I know you’d jump on that rule?” 

He leaned forward and kissed your head, “Because you’re notorious for apologizin’ when it’s not warranted sweet girl…” 

Diane nodded, “We've found that’s a good indicator a person has been in toxic relationships where you are constantly accessing people’s emotions and reactions.” she sighed softly, “You most likely have it from your parents but mostly Charlie.” she suggested. 

You nodded and scoffed, “Lovely… one more thing from him.” you rolled your eyes and moved to stand up, handing the ice pack back to the receptionist who smiled and handed you a new one, “Keep it… seems to help.” she smiled kindly. 

You nodded softly and slowly took in a breath after a few moments, “I’m ready to go back…” 

Joel and Diane rose together from the ground and nodded as you led the way back into the room. 

You sat back down where you were and held onto the ice pack, taking a few deep more steady breaths. Diane and Joel sat back down as well where they had been. 

Diane pulled her notebook back out and talked to you a little more about what happened, and why it happened. She advised that if things happen like that again, you use things like the ice trick or something else to shock your system into snapping out of that mindset. She advised Joel on things he can do to help in moments where things like this could happen but advised him to avoid triggers if possible as the more you’re exposed early, can lead to bad habits of coping outside of your own timing. 

She looked at the clock with 5 minutes left and looked at Joel, “Could you give us a few minutes to wrap up?” 

Joel nodded and looked at you, “I’ll just be out by the waterfall, mi vida…” he kissed your temple softly and then hand before letting you go and smiled and nodded at Diane as he walked out and softly shut the door behind him. 

The moment the door closed you looked at her and chuckled, “Am I in trouble or somethin’...?” you joked. 

She chuckled, “No, not in any trouble. I just like to check on some things that people tend to not speak honestly about in front of their partners…” she smiled softly, “I need you to answer me honestly when I ask what I’m going to ask, and either way I’ll take your word for it.” 

You bit your cheek, “Damn, sounds like you’re about to ask me if I’ve killed someone…” you joked, deflecting.

She looked at you and nodded, “Well... we’ve never talked about it, and it would help possibly explain some triggers you have." she tilted her head and then softly and calmly asked, "Did you have to take any life back in Afghanistan?” 

Your breath got caught in your throat and you held tightly onto the cold pack, looking down shamefully, fidgeting with the edge of the square you held, nodding after a few moments of silence “4 lives…” you clenched your jaw, holding back tears. 

She nodded and wrote it in her notes, then softly cleared her throat before clasping her hands together and softly, carefully asking, “Because of that, have you ever considered taking your own due to guilt?” 

You kept your head down and tears fell before you looked up at her, “Once.” you cleared your throat, “It was for less than a day back before I got to go home. It was after I got back from Delta 42 and 30…” you looked away for a moment, looking out the window, “Maria had gone home, Reggie was pretty much unavailable from the time I got to base to when I left. The days got long… I was alone for a big chunk of it because they wouldn’t let me work.” you set the ice pack down on the coffee table and swallowed, “All your left with is your thoughts, you know?” 

Diane sat forward, giving you her full attention, “Sometimes silence is the most terrifying thing we can be left with…” 

You nodded and sadly smiled then bit your cheek, “I uh… I got low. Couldn’t sleep, kept having echoes of what happened in Delta 42 taunt me every time I closed my fuckin’ eyes it felt like.” you looked down at your hands, “Joel was busy one day, couldn’t talk much and without that… without having some connection to the outside, I felt so fuckin’ alone… so consumed by the loss and fucked up shit I’d done in the last 72 hours…” you lightly chuckled, tears welling in your eyes, “For no more than maybe an hour or so, I saw my pistol on the desk as a way to ease the pain, stop the chaos from swarmin’ my head…” you fidgeted with your hands, “But then something just clicked and it was like a switch toggled on in my head. I felt lighter, could fuckin’ think and breathe… I can’t explain why or what did it- but never touched that pistol again until I turned it in the day I left.” you looked up at her, eyes etched with regret, "Please don't tell Joel..." you said sadly.

She listened and nodded along with you, making notes here and there with details you had told her, making notes on things you said then looked at you when you stopped talking, “What's said in here, stays in here." she reassured.

After a few moments of silence, she asked, "Have you had any itch to harm yourself since being home?” 

You shook your head and cleared your throat, “No… Joel… Joel’s been so…” you smiled softly at your hands, “He’s been so supportive and loving that I’ve not had much time to get that low, you know?” you looked up at her. 

She smiled softly and nodded, “Joel’s a good one, he’s solid, has a big heart, and he adores the ground you walk on which adds to it all…”

That made you blush and smile. You couldn't have asked for a better partner, a better fiancé.

She lightly chuckled, “Compared to what we’ve talked about with regards to Charlie… Joel’s been good for you.” 

You blushed deeper and nodded, “I’m really lucky to have him… consider myself blessed to have even met him the way we did, you know?” 

She nodded and smiled warmly, “Now you’re engaged… how does that make you feel?” 

You looked down at your hand, messing with your ring, “I honestly had no idea he’d ask this soon, but… it feels right, you know?” you looked up, “He looks at me like there’s somethin’ worth lookin’ at. Fills my life with color.” you shyly looked back down, “I’m just ramblin’ cheesy stuff now…” 

She chuckled, “Rambling about what makes you happy, nothin’ wrong with that...” she smiled. 

You nodded and cleared your throat, “He makes me happy. I… I don’t think I’ve ever felt this happy in my life… never felt so… free…?” you chuckled. 

She nodded, “After what you’ve been through, that’s an understandable feeling.” she smiled and nodded a little then after another few moments of quiet she spoke softly, “I’d like to see you again in a few days, just for a short check-in, would that be ok?” 

You nodded and looked down, “Am I free to go?” you chuckled and then looked up. 

She nodded and stood, softly chuckling, “You call me if anything happens, even if it’s in the middle of the night, ok?” she opened her door.

You nodded and walked out of the room, “Thank you for your time today…” 

Joel stood hearing you come out and smiled at you. 

Diane nodded and looked at Joel then you, “Mind if I talk to Joel for a moment? Just to let him know how to best help you in the next few days?” 

You nodded and swallowed, “Yeah, no problem.” you came and sat in the chair next to where Joel was sitting, crossing your legs, grabbing a magazine, and looking down at it.

Joel looked at Diane and nodded, coming into the room with her, standing with his hands in his pockets as she closed the door behind her. She cleared her throat and offered for him to sit, “Oh… it’s a sitting conversation?” he asked nervously as he sat down on the couch. 

Diane chuckled softly, “Not necessarily, although what she’s going through is very serious… but nothing like… that.” she sat down and smiled softly. 

“So, what’s going on? How can I help her?” Joel asked, clasping his hands in his lap nervously but eager to listen. 

“She’s dealing with PTSD, so avoiding triggers will help, which I know can be done… you’re very aware of her environment and very protective of her.” she smiled warmly.

Joel felt empowered by that. To know his love and devotion to you traveled and was noticed by others.

“But what I’m concerned with is that if she gets to a low point she’ll… she’ll get low, really low.” she pursed her lips together to accentuate the meaning. 

He took in a breath and nodded, understanding, “What are warning signs to look out for?” 

“She’ll start to remove herself from normal social situations, she may start to say things that feel off... you’ll know what those are. I think the best thing is to keep her busy, check in daily, and maybe encourage her to write in a journal, she’d do well with that… but just, be there and let her feel her feelings but don’t let her be absorbed by them…” she said softly. 

He nodded and cleared his throat softly, “Sarah has a break comin’ up... Y/N mentioned that beach in Oregon earlier. While ya’ll were talkin’ I made some calls… I was thinkin’ of doing that in a week when Sarah's off school, do something to keep her busy but also somethin' to look forward to? What are your thoughts?” he sat a little closer to the edge of his seat. 

“I’m going to see her again in a few days, how about I let you know how she is then? She’s in no way to travel so soon based on today’s session but she might be ok in a few days after she settles mentally…” she said softly. 

He nodded and bit the inside of his cheek, “Anything I shouldn’t do?” 

She shrugged, “Ask her what her boundaries are. I think right now she just needs a lot of support, love, and patience. Some light distractions to keep her somewhat busy and not lame would be good. Things like movie nights, going to the grocery store, small car rides, things like that.” she suggested. 

“My brother, the one that set off the damn fireworks, should I keep him away? Would he be triggering?” he asked, sounding concerned. 

She shook her head, “Tommy and Maria… it would be good for her to be around them. She needs all the support she can get right now and Maria knows what she’s been through. Besides, what happened wasn’t anyone's fault, at least purposely, right?” she pressed. 

He nodded, “Right… it was all done with good intentions… just poorly executed.” he shrugged and chuckled lightly. 

Diane nodded, chuckling, “Tommy unfortunately has a record for poorly executing things like this doesn’t he?” 

Joel chuckled knowing what she was referring to; a work incident that Tommy was a little clumsy in after taking the three of them out to lunch and all of them coming back a little under the influence, “James had a hand in that too, you know?” he teased. 

She nodded and let out a louder chuckle, “I’ll never let him live that down.” 

They both chuckled and then Diane stood, “Anyways, she’s doing great, she’ll have a rough few days, but I think she’ll be ok, just keep me updated if anything gets bad enough where you can’t get her out of a… funk, you know?” she started walking towards the door. 

He stood and nodded, “I’ll keep you posted. Thanks, Diane.” 

She nodded and smiled before opening the door. You were reading a cooking magazine, deep in thought that you didn’t hear the door open. 

Joel smiled at you and walked over, sitting beside you, kissing your cheek then looking down at what you were reading, it was a recipe for a Tuscan Chicken pasta, “That looks good baby… wanna go to the store and get the stuff to make that tonight?” 

You nodded and looked at him, “But isn’t your mom cooking?” 

He smiled and looked at you, “If she is we can just cook it tomorrow but we can still go to the store? I’ll call her in the truck and ask…” he touched your cheek softly then tucked a strand of hair behind your ear delicately. 

You blushed and looked back down at the recipe then pulled out your phone and went to take a picture when Diane cleared her throat, “Take it home, just bring it back when you come back…” 

You looked at her and smiled, nodding then standing up, “Deal.” 

A week later 

You had gone in again to see Diane a few days ago and were doing much better. Elena stayed a couple of days after to keep you busy and monitor you while Joel had to go to work for a few important meetings regrettably. 

You’d never admit it, but Joel going back to work and not coddling you was what you needed. The less that you felt like a baby, the more independent you felt and the faster you adjusted and adapted. 

You still had a few hard moments over the past few days with being alone for too long after Elena had left. However, it pushed you to ask for help or reach out to friends like Rose or Maria.

You found yourself over at Rose’s offering to help with whatever she needed from day to day, not caring how small or silly it may be, you just sometimes needed to be around someone. 

Joel found when he’d come home most days he’d need to go get you from Rose’s as you would stay there until you knew someone was back home. 

After getting the 'ok' from Diane at your last session, Joel let you know that you guys were going on a road trip to the Oregon coast over the next two weeks and when you'd be leaving.

That in itself kept you busy as you packed for everyone, ran errands to prepare, and one morning instead of going on a run, cleaned the truck completely out.

---

His alarm went off at 5 am and you were already awake, buzzing with excitement. You leaned over and smiled as you kissed his cheek and brushed his hair back off his forehead, “Time to wake up, we gotta get goin’...” you giggled softly, kissing his shoulder. 

He chuckled sleepily and turned off his alarm before he wrapped his arms around you, humming, “5 more minutes darlin’...” he pulled you to lay on his chest. 

You giggled, “Joel you and I both know what ‘5 more minutes’ means and it’s not truly 5 minutes it’s another hour…” you tried getting out of his hold, smiling. 

The more you tried, the tighter he held you, keeping his eyes closed, trying to go back to sleep, “Shh, just let it happen… shh…” he teased as he held you tighter to him, starting to wrap his legs around you. 

“Damn it, Joel, you’re like a boa constrictor with your hold…” you couldn’t help but laugh and give up, “Fine, 5 more minutes…” you sighed and cuddled into him. 

He smiled and kissed your head, letting go of his hold a little, “Good girl, smart choice…” 

You blushed and laid your head on his chest, “How far are we drivin’ today?” you traced shapes on his chest. 

He hummed, partially back asleep, “We’re drivin’ to uh…” he drifted back to sleep, his arms starting to go limp around you as he was taken back deep into sleep. 

You smiled and chuckled and moved your head to watch the clock, letting 5 minutes go by before you sunk beneath the sheets and began kissing down his body, slotting yourself between his legs, dragging your lips across his bare cock making it hard quicker than you expected. 

Joel stirred and took a deep breath in, still somewhere between being awake and asleep. You kissed the inside of his thigh before spitting into your hand and began stroking him slowly, letting your saliva coat him while you pumped him in your palm. 

He groaned and turned his head in his sleep, feeling himself become aroused, smirking as he started to wake up.

You loved hearing those sounds come from him. It instantly made you wet against your panties. 

You were satisfied with your work and dropped your head to take the tip of your tongue from the bottom of his shaft up to his tip, dragging him out of his slumber, “Mmm still need 5 more minutes, amor?” you smirked as you kissed his tip making him grunt, slowly starting to wake up. 

“F-fuck…” he said as he felt your tongue swirl around his tip before sinking your mouth over him slowly, tongue flat against his shaft, softly moaning. 

You slowly bobbed your head up and down his shaft, taking more of him every time you went down.

He grunted and smirked, “Oh fuck, you’re takin’ me so good.” 

You moaned softly and pulled off with a small pop, licking your lips, “Mmm you taste so good baby…” You dragged your tongue up his shaft slowly, eliciting goosebumps up his body, “Can’t get enough of you…” you drew your lips back down and then started to suck on his balls softly. 

He gasped and gripped the sheets, cursing under his breath. He shut his eyes and swallowed a groan, making you kiss the soft spot of skin in his groin, “Mmm don’t you dare hold back on makin’ those sounds cowboy…” you stroked him in your palm.

He chuckled and let out a groan, “Fuck…” he hissed and let out a strangled moan, “Want you ‘round me…” he pleaded. 

You thought he meant your mouth so you went back to wrap your mouth around him, taking him deep and slow down your throat, gagging slightly at the size of him stretching your throat out. 

He groaned and his hips involuntarily bucked up, making you cough and moan as he went deep down your throat. 

You pulled off him and had saliva dripping out of your mouth, panting heavily, trying to catch your breath for a second, swallowing before you went to go back on him, starting to bob your head up and down again, this time a little faster. 

Joel grunted in absolute pleasure but shook his head, “Oh fuck... I need you… need you on top of me…” he groaned, jaw dropped and letting out a moan as you went down on him, moaning around his cock. 

You pulled off and smirked, kissing up his thigh, “You want me to ride you?” you asked breathlessly, slowly moving to kiss his stomach and up his chest. 

He smirked and panted softly, moving the sheets off to see you before leaning up on his elbows, looking down at you with those big brown eyes full of lust, “We’re gonna be sleepin’ in the same area as Sarah for the next 4 days… which means I don’t know the next time I’m gon’ feel your pretty pussy wrapped around my cock…” the smirked and looked up as you straddled him, your face hovering over his. 

You hummed and took off your panties, then took your shirt off, eyes bouncing back and forth between his eyes and lips, “I’m sure we can find ways… sneak around…” you started to grind him through your wet folds. 

He panted and grunted, laying back against the pillows, putting his hands on your hips, “Yeah? How would we do that?” he moved your hips at a slower rhythm than what you were, wanting this to last. 

You leaned down and started to kiss his neck sucking it softly, letting out a soft moan as his tip brushed against your clit, “We can always swing a quickie in the shower early in the mornin’ before she wakes…” you reached down between your bodies and lined him up at your entrance. 

“Think you can be quiet enough to do that? We tend to…” he grunted feeling you tease him at your entrance, “...fuck baby… you’re bein’ a tease…” he groaned feeling your lips suck against his pulse point. 

You grinned and kissed up his jaw then hovered your lips over his, “Finish that sentence handsome… we tend to what?” you looked down at his lips. 

He smirked and was lightly panting in anticipation, “We tend to enjoy each other in the shower, be a little louder than usual in there…” he bit his bottom lip, looking at yours, hungrily. 

You smirked, “I can be quiet if need be…” you sat onto his cock, slowly sinking him into your warmth, moaning softly against his lips, “I can be a good girl…”

Joel gripped onto you tightly, grunting as he felt you fully sit onto him before he sat you onto one of his elbows and cupped your jaw, “Yes you can be a good girl…” he said before pulling you down to kiss him deeply a few times before you pulled away by putting your hand on his chest and pushing him to lay down.

You started rocking your hips up and down on him, “Call me that again…” you panted as you softly moaned. 

He smirked up at you and bit his lip before lowly growling, “That’s a good girl, ridin’ my cock like that…” 

Your eyes fluttered shut and you smiled, nodding, leaning back to put your hand on his thigh then began riding him at a faster pace, up and down on him, moaning softly.  

He watched and groaned, seeing your tits bounce and the sight of him going in and out of you, “Fuck... you like that don’t you? Bein’ called a good girl…” he moved his hand up your body slowly before kneading your breast and playing with your nipple, keeping one hand on your waist. 

You gasped at the stimulation and nodded, “F-fuck that feels good…” you sat fully on him, his tip pressed up into your cervix, you swirled your hips, earning a grunt from him.

“Fuck baby, you like me that deep huh? Stretchin’ you out?” he cooed, sliding his other hand from your waist to between your bodies and using his thumb to draw circles into your clit. 

You gasped and bit your lip, “Y-Yes sir…” you cried out softly, suddenly feeling that coil start to wind up tight. 

He growled and he twitched inside of you, “Careful now…” he warned, “Callin’ me sir’s gonna get you in a different position where we’ll for sure wake up Sarah…” 

You opened your eyes and grinned down at him, continuing to circle your hips, “We aren’t road-trippin’ yet are we… sir?” you moaned softly feeling him twitch again inside you. 

His eyes went dark and he sat up quickly and smirked, before leaning forward and laying you on your back. 

He pulled out of you, “On your stomach… now…” he growled. 

You bit your lip and giggled then turned to lay on your stomach, “Yes sir…” 

He smirked and grabbed a pillow from behind him, and put his arm under your torso, pulling your hips up and sliding the pillow under you. Your hips are now slightly elevated, creating the perfect angle for him. 

He laid over you, squaring up behind you, lining up at your entrance, “You’re gonna be a good girl and cum for me?” he said lowly into your ear.

“Yes… yes please…” you begged. 

He kept himself at your entrance and used his free hand to brush your hair to one side of your body before sucking softly on your earlobe and plunging deep into your warmth.

You gasped and your hips rose up a little into him, gripping the sheets in front of you. 

He grunted and growled lowly into your ear, “Oh that’s it… fuck…”

He started rocking his hips into you, making you breathlessly moan as he whispered into your ear while letting out small grunts or groans,

“That pretty little pussy takes me so well…”

“Don’t cover your mouth. I wanna hear you…” 

“I know you can be louder than that…” 

“Such a good girl takin’ my cock like this…” 

You’d come undone within the first few minutes of him rocking slowly and deeply against that sweet spot. Your legs would quiver under him, becoming weak and melting into the sheets, mumbling how good he feels deep in you. 

He’d eventually start to buck into you faster and harder, putting his hand on your waist and one planted next to you to hold himself up, panting hard and quick, “Fuck baby you feel so tight around my cock…” 

He’d look to where you both were connected and the way your ass would shake as he slammed into you and smirked “Fuck mi vida, tu culo se ve bien rebotando así mientras me follo tu apretado y perfecto coño…” (Your ass looks good bouncing like that while I fuck your tight, perfect pussy…)

You’d arch your ass up a little with what strength you’d have left and try to thrust back into him to give yourself some added stimulation which only made things more sensitive and launched you into euphoria, “F-fuck don’t stop baby…” You pleaded as you moaned into the mattress to muffle yourself. 

Joel gripped onto you and grunted, “F-fuck…” he snapped his hips into you and then groaned as he spilled deep into you, his forehead falling against your back, panting as he stayed still inside you. 

After a few moments of silence, both of you came down from your highs.

He smiled softly and leaned his head up, “You were askin’ where we gotta drive today…” he kissed your shoulder softly, “We’re drivin’ to Albuquerque…” he softly rubbed your hip, kissing your spine, “But we should leave as soon as possible… it’s an 11-hour drive…” he kissed down your spine softly. 

You hummed and smiled feeling his lips, “We should get goin’ then… we already stayed in bed longer than we should of Mr. 5 more minutes…” you teased and turned your head to look at him as he kissed down your body. 

He looked up at you with those big brown eyes of love and adoration and smiled softly, “Touche… soon to be Mrs. 5 more minutes…” he came up and met his lips with yours, kissing you gently. 

After another hour the car was packed, and you guys were on the road towards Albuquerque, New Mexico. 

The first couple hours were spent with Sarah sleeping against the window and you reading a book while Joel listened to the radio softly in the background. 

Around the 5th hour, you put your book down and discussed some activities and stops along the way you all could take with Sarah and Joel needing some type of stimulation as the drive was getting boring. 

Sarah insisted on stopping in Moab, Utah at Arches National Park as well as the Cliff Palace in Mesa Verde National Park in Colorado. You agreed as you thought you could get some really good photos with your new camera and could get some practice taking photos of Sarah and Joel. 

Joel said he had purchased some Boise football tickets as their football field is blue and he’s always wanted to go to one of their games, he also agreed about going to Moab and said that your motel would be less than 45 minutes away from the park, it would be a good thing to do on your way in from Colorado. 

Sarah eventually got bored after the list was made and started going off with ‘eye spy with my little eye’ however there wasn’t much to go off of so you and Joel guessed things pretty easily. 

She pulled out a portable DVD player after 5 rounds ended in less than 10 seconds, frustrated. 

You chuckled and looked at Joel as she put headphones on, “Is this the longest drive we have for this trip?” 

He nodded and took your hand, bringing it to your lips to kiss it gently, “Yeah, I think the longest after this will be 8 hours from Moab to Boise…” 

You nodded and looked out the window, “You wanna switch after our next stop? I don’t mind driving…” you smiled looking back at him. 

He smiled softly and shook his head, “No, I like drivin’... keeps me busy.”

You looked back to make sure Sarah couldn’t hear before you smirked and looked over at him, “I could think of a few things I could do to keep us busy while you drove..." you teased.

Joel chuckled, “As tempting as that might be, we aren’t as sneaky as you think…” he winked at you.

You giggled and smiled at him, “Well for the record, if you need to take a break, let me know.” you kissed his hand and then leaned against the window, watching the road as he drove. 

—

With a few pitstops and several hours later, you drove into a quaint little motel in Albuquerque, NM. 

By the time you got there, it was around 9 pm, all you were doing was sleeping the night there and then leaving tomorrow for your next stop. 

When you all got checked in and into your room, the three of you took turns taking showers as you all felt gross from the drive.

You ordered some pizza for dinner and then you all watched a movie before passing out asleep around 11 pm. 

Around 3 am you woke up sweating, feeling your heart pounding but don’t remember having a nightmare so you just assumed it was due to the room being warmer than you were used to. 

You slowly got out of bed and went to adjust the A/C but seemed to not be working so you bit the inside of your cheek and tried to open a window but nothing was working to cool you off.

You came over and checked on Joel and Sarah, both seemed fine, most likely used to the heat. You leaned down and kissed Sarah’s head, pushing her hair softly out of her face, and then came over to Joel and kissed his head, making him stir but fall right back asleep. 

You took the notepad on the nightstand and wrote, ‘Going to sit by the pool, A/C sucks’, then grabbed a room key, and your book, and left quietly to go sit by the pool. 

You had short shorts on and a t-shirt, so you just walked out barefoot to the pool so you could put your feet in by the edge to cool off. 

You sat there for a few minutes before another younger guy came in, lighting up a cigarette. 

You smiled softly and nodded to be kind and acknowledge him then went back to your book thinking he would just smoke and then leave. 

After a couple of minutes of lingering, he cleared his throat, “Too hot for you too?” 

You looked up, “Pardon?” as you missed part of what he said, head stuck in your book. 

He smiled and started coming closer to you, “I asked if it was too hot in your room for you as well…” 

You chuckled lightly, “Oh, sorry. Yeah, it is.” 

He came and sat a few feet from you, rolling up his pants to put his feet in as well, “Not from the heat?” 

You shook your head and chuckled, “I should be used to it, I live in Texas but was born and raised in Washington.” you shrugged and looked back to your book, hoping he’d get the hint. 

He nodded and took a drag of his cigarette, “Ah I see. What part of Washington?” he let it out, filling the air around you with the thick odor.

You kept your nose in your book, “Oak Harbor.” 

He chuckled and smiled, “Ah, so cold Washington.” 

You nodded and hummed. 

He took another drag and then flicked his cigarette, “Whatcha readin’?” he nodded towards your book. 

You took a breath, “Uh, just a self-help book… nothin’ exciting.” you smiled and then looked back at the pages. 

He nodded and bit the inside of his cheek, “I’m Danny…” he stuck his hand out. 

You looked up and said your name, taking his hand and shaking it firmly. 

He chuckled and cleared his throat, looking up at the sky, “Nice night, huh?” 

You bit your tongue to avoid saying something rude, “Yeah, it’s not too bad.” you tried to read the same passage you’ve had to go over now 3 times due to him trying to talk to you. 

He turned and looked at you after a few moments of silence, looking down at your bare thighs that were showing due to the shorts you were wearing, “So, uh, what’s a pretty girl like you doin’ here in Albuquerque?” 

You were about to say something when Joel came in through the gate and cleared his throat, hearing him hitting on you, “There ya are, mi vida…” making his southern drawl really evident. 

Danny looked at Joel and then you, confused by the name, “Mi vida?” 

You smiled immediately hearing his voice and blushed, “My life.” You looked at Joel and then Danny.

Joel walked over confidently, “It’s Spanish, somethin’ of a term of endearment that I call my fiancé…” he came and sat by you, sitting purposely between you and Danny, offering his hand to him, “Joel… and you are?” 

Danny swallowed and smiled somewhat nervously, “Danny…” he took Joel’s hand to shake. 

Joel clenched his jaw and nodded, gripping onto his hand quite firmly, attempting to send a message, “Pleasure to meet ya…”

He nodded, pulling his hand away, and then slowly rose to his feet, “Well I think I hear my buddy callin' for me..." it was silent, "But it was nice meeting you both." he nodded his head towards you both.

Joel nodded and chuckled lightly, “Nice to meet ya… Dan was it?” he smirked knowing he was making him uncomfortable. 

Danny chuckled and nodded frantically, “Sure… yeah. Well have a good night.” he gathered his shoes and quickly made it out walking towards his room.

You chuckled looking at your book, starting to finally read again now that you felt safe, “You’re horrible, Miller…” 

Joel chuckled and turned towards you, leaning down to kiss your temple then cheek, humming, “Just making sure he knew what’s mine and who I was, that’s all…” he smirked seeing you blush. 

You smiled, “Why are you out here? You and Sarah seemed fine when I left…” You kept reading the page you were on but kept some of your attention to Joel.

“I have a hard time sleepin’ without you next to me…” he softly said, looking over his shoulder to make sure Danny left and there wouldn’t be any trouble. 

You hummed and smiled moving the book for a moment to kiss his cheek.

After a moment, he stood and started to take off his shirt and pants, leaving him completely bare aside from his boxers before he walked into the water. 

“Your note said you were too hot…” he swam up to you and floated in front of you, “How about you join me? It’s nice and cool in here…” he kissed your knee softly. 

You looked down at him and smirked, “Are you skinny dippin', Joel Miller, or did you leave boxers on?” you couldn’t tell from the angle you were at. 

He smirked, “I can gladly remove ‘em if it gets you to skinny dip with me darlin’…” 

You chuckled put your book down beside you and smiled down at him, “10 minutes then we're out and dressed in case we get caught…” You bit your lip and blushed. 

He pushed himself up from the edge and captured his lips onto yours, gently kissing you, before pulling back and nodding his head, “Strip.” he commanded. 

You turned a darker shade of red and then got up to put your book on a lounge chair, then stripped and covered your breasts with one arm and groin area with your other hand as you ran to get into the water. 

Joel removed his boxers and set them on the side of the pool then dunked his head under the water completely before slicking his hair back and swimming over to you. 

You stepped into the water and smiled feeling the water wasn’t completely freezing, humming softly “Slightly heated I see…” you dove your head down and begin to swim deeper into the pool. 

Joel nodded and chuckled watching you, seeing where you were going. 

After a few seconds, you popped up in the deeper end, slicking your hair back, softly gasping for air. 

“Did I ever tell you I swam for sport when I was younger?” he smiled. 

You shook your head, “Wait like swimming laps?” 

He nodded and smiled, “Exactly. Was pretty good at it too…” he said before he did as you did and dove down to swim towards you. 

You inhaled to hold a breath then sunk into the water to watch him swim towards you, you waved at him. 

You let out a giggle seeing him wave back and blow a kiss at you underwater before coming to the surface and gasping for air softly then looked down at the water to see him swim up to you and then breach the water in front of you and grin, “Come ‘ere you…” he gently grabbed onto your waist and pulled you close to him. 

You wrapped your legs around his torso and arms around his neck as he held you as you both floated. 

You smiled and played with his hair to slick it back, softly humming then smirking as you looked at him as you played with some curls at the base of his neck, “I seem to remember that the thought of me being wrapped around you in the water made you do some pretty naughty things in a specific boat’s bathroom cowboy…” 

He lightly nibbled on your jawline, growling, “You are correct my love…” his hands wandered between your bodies and he pressed his thumb against your clit, slowly drawing circles, “You wanna help me make my fantasy become reality?” he moved to suck on your neck softly. 

You gasped and let out a moan as you felt his thumb stimulate you, you felt like you melted with how slowly he was building you up, “Why don’t you describe to me what that fantasy was cowboy?” 

He nipped your earlobe with his teeth lightly and groaned, “I wanted to feel every inch of you while you wrapped around me… kissing your sweet lips…”

You moved your head back a little and cupped his cheek, “These sweet lips?” you leaned in slowly and kissed him deeply and slowly, slowly tangling your fingers in his hair, pulling him closer to you. 

His hands were everywhere, touching your waist, grabbing the meat of your ass and thighs. They’d carefully trial up your back and sides like he was afraid he might break you if he was too rough, continuing to kiss you passionately and deeply. 

You started to feel him rock your hips as you felt his cock begin to harden up against you. He mumbled against your lips, “Wanna mark you up baby, wanna claim you right here…” he said as he feverishly kissed your lips, slowly moving to you were pressed up against the side of the pool and him. 

He moved his lips to start marking up your neck, sucking small love bites into your skin. 

You moaned softly and ran your fingers through his hair, slicking it back as he did this, grinning, “Danny got under your skin I see…” 

He growled and pulled back a little, “Talkin’ to you when you have a ring on your finger…” he hovered against your lips, moving his hand down to line up his cock at your entrance, “Now that’s downright disrespectful talkin’ to a man’s wife like he was…” he panted and grunted feeling his tip sink into you. 

You gasped and moaned, “Mmm fuck... you mean someone’s fiancé?” you teased. 

He smirked, “When someone’s flirtin’ with you like that, you’re my wife…” he said as he sunk deeper into you and groaned looking into your eyes and watching your reaction. 

Your jaw dropped and you could feel the air start to leave your lungs as he filled you so tightly, nodding, saying with a hoarse whisper, “I’m your wife…” you put your forehead against him and moaned softly. 

“I didn’t get you a dainty small ring for a reason…” he whispered, groaning as he bottomed out, feeling himself completely fill you up, “I got this ring to make a statement…” he started to pump back and forth, slowly, “…to show every other man that you’re mine.” he gripped onto your waist with one hand and cupped his other hand on your cheek, lightly gliding his thumb over your bottom lip as he thrusts up into you, watching your lips part for him. 

You moaned and lightly gripped his hair and shoulder, grinning as you felt his thumb on your lips, leaning forward just a tad, taking his thumb in your warm mouth, sucking on it as you moaned. 

His eyes turned dark and he twitched inside you, making your eyes roll back into your head and pussy tighten around him. 

“Oh fuck baby… that’s hot…” he growled and started thrusting up into you a little faster, holding onto your hip, to keep you as tight down on him as possible, hitting your cervix over and over. 

You tightened your legs around him and moaned louder against his finger, panting quickly feeling yourself about to come undone. 

He moaned and grunted feeling himself close, “Can you cum for my baby? I need you to cum for me…” he pleaded pulling his thumb out of your mouth, “What do you need?” he groaned feeling you tighten around him. 

You panted as you moaned softly, then cupped his cheek, “Kiss me…” you whispered then pulled his lips to yours, kissing his lips deeply and passionately, moving your hips with his as he continued to thrust up into you deeply, needing more friction. 

He put his hands on your hips and panted heavily as his lips crashed over yours, feeling a deep pull in his navel. 

You pulled away from his lips and stalled your hips as you came undone, fluttering around him, tightening your legs around his hips, moaning and leaning your head back against the wall, feeling waves of pleasure crash over you. 

He clenched his jaw and within moments of you tightening around him spilled into you, grunting and panting as he kissed anywhere his lips could touch; neck, jaw, cheeks, he was everywhere.

You chuckled as your head leaned against the wall and panted softly, humming, “I should let more men flirt with me if that’s the side of you I’m gonna get…” you teased.

Joel softly nipped your jaw and moved his hands up your body, groaning softly as he pulled out of you, “Nuh-uh… you’re all mine.” he smirked as he kissed your throat softly, “All mine…” he leaned up and connected your lips with his, kissing you deeply, holding you up against him. 

You two returned to the room without being caught in the pool or Sarah waking up about 15 minutes later. 

In the morning Joel’s alarm went off around 7 am. You all got up with some groaning and moaning, still tired but got showered and ready then left within the hour, grabbing breakfast on the way. 

A little over 6 hours later you ended up in Mesa Verde National Park, driving to Cliff Palace. Sarah finally felt excited about something since driving up to this point was quite boring for her. 

You all went and saw the cliff palace, Sarah took a bunch of photos with her phone, you had your camera out and were taking photos of not only the landmark but taking candid photos of people around you as well as Sarah and Joel. 

Joel found you focused on taking a photo of an older couple holding hands as they watched the landscape together, it was a sweet sight to see, they both saw new things and enjoyed each other’s company. He snapped a photo of his phone of you in your element.

Once you were done outside, Sarah begged to go inside to see the museum they had in a building nearby to which you all three went in and finished within a half hour. 

Sarah got into the truck as you were leaving and leaned forward between the two seats, “How long is it to the next stop?” she asked nervously, not wanting to be in the car longer than she had already been in the last 24 hours. 

Joel looked at her from his mirror and chuckled, “Moab is only a 3-hour drive baby girl… I promise from here on it shouldn’t be so boring.” 

She smiled and nodded then pulled out the DVD player, putting on a movie for herself. 

You pulled out your camera and started looking through the photos you had taken, mentally marking which ones you may want to edit when you got to the hotel before you fell asleep against the window, feeling the sun warming you up as he drove for the last couple hours. 

—

Almost 2 hours later Joel leaned over and kissed your cheek, “Hey, we’re here…” You opened your eyes to see you were starting to drive through Arches National Park after he paid a park ranger for entrance.  

You sat up and smiled, eyes wide at its beauty, “Holy shit…” you rolled down the window and grabbed your camera, starting to snap photos of things as you drove by. 

Sarah rolled down the window and looked at Joel, “Can I stick my head out a little?” 

Joel looked back and saw there wasn’t any traffic behind them, “Yes but be careful…” he chuckled. 

She stuck her head out and you turned and took photos of her laughing, and smiling, the red rock in the background.

You giggled and then turned in your seat and took photos of Joel, “Give me a smile, cowboy…” you smiled at him.

Joel looked at you and smiled as you took a few shots before putting his eyes back onto the road, putting his hand on your thigh, feeling utterly happy in this moment with the two most important people in his life.

You looked ahead and saw you were heading into a tunnel, you giggled and looked at Joel, “Roll down your window baby…” he looked at you a little confused, and you nodded, smiling encouragingly. 

He rolled it down then you stuck your head out of the window as you entered the tunnel and yelled, “Woohoo!” letting it echo down the tunnel. 

Sarah realized what you did and yelled as well and giggled.

Joel let out a loud whistle and shouted as well before chuckling to himself at how ridiculous this all could have sounded to the people in front of you.

The echo was filled with sounds of you and your family’s utter pure joy.

To you, this was the best sound in the world.

Previous chapter - Next chapter

a/n: this will be a three-part chapter i think instead of two, there are certain elements I want in the next chapter/part of this trip but don’t want to over wash it so just warning ya’ll there may be an extra chapter

taglist:  @sarahhxx03, @blahkateisdone, @sunnytuliptime, @pedroscurls, @docharleythegeekqueen @pedritosgirl2000 @fancyyoouu @greendudenumber7

[nemainofthewater]

Two days left, and currently Mobei-jun is in the lead with 29.6%, followed by Yan Wushi at 23%, and then Hua Cheng and Zhou Zishu in joint third with 7.9%.

Part one of tag propaganda under the cut, part 2 with the write in candidates will be in the next reblog

Yan Wushi

#yan wushi your tits are iconic. to me by @web-novel-polls

#the trashcan speaks#he spends the entire donghua swaggering around like this. evilly.#world's chillest man goes on a nonconsensual road trip by @mu-qingfang-stan-account

#im sorry but yan wushi literally has his tits out 24/7#its canon#just look at him#i dont think he's the necessarily the hottest out of this selection but tits are out#polls by @antique-forvalaka

#no no the typo is perfect#it's th👀usand autumns forever now#obviously had to give this one to yan “tits out for the jianghu” wushi#mobei jun is also a strong contender but ultimately lacks the sluttish energy that puts yan wushi in the no 1 spot#poll#cdrama poll#official boob poll by @woolasaur

#thousand autumns#yan wushi#😄🥰#though anyway it's more like the donghua yan wushi than the novel but still... 😉 by @eaion

#yan wushi just somehow feels the most tits out#despitr the fact that there's more tit visible for some of thebother choices#i just can't explain it#he has most tits out vibes by @tinypinkmouse

#YAN WUSHI#PLEASE#😂 by @angelicapocalypse

#yws duh by @kagesu

#yan wushi's tits are always out in the spiritual sense even when they are physically covered by @verlaines-ex

#I was torn between Mobei-jun and Yan Wushi but I decided on Yan Wushi and here's why:#Mobei-jun has his tits out because the hamster god designed him to have his tits out#Yan Wushi has his tits out because he wants to have his tits out by @randomseacucumber

#yan wushi vs zhou zishu ???? dont make me CHOOSE#(i chose zzs bc i accidentally skipped over yws and didnt see him)#(also. thoosand autumns lmao)#ALSO. why is mbj winning. yws is more tits out by @ashes-onthewind

Mobei-jun

#mobei jun was tits out even in the freezing cold that means something#also shoutout but not mentioned- the entire female cast of curse of the golden flower#all that crying and running down stairs while breasting boobily the entire time by @bitterfrosts

#at this point i can't even remember if it's canon or fanon#but in my heart it's mobei jun by @gege

#mobei jun's tits are legendary by @highwarlockkareena

#its literally not mobei jun if his tits are not out. in this list he's the most consistently tits out character#+in 80% of his google search images. its on the donghua cover. blindingly so#& the way that in the fandom the coverage/cleavage also truly is adjusted according to the occasion so that atp its a recognisably#integrated part of his wardrobe. half the time also serving a plot purpose if its a slash fic <3 no surprise in seeing him winning#AND he's a demon... seeing all the character designs of demons in svsss.. its almost like a point of pride and tradition#not to say the other characters are not out tho.. yan wushi or sm good others.....i just love mbj ok by @chord-assassination

#mobei jun by @kanronotatsu

#Mobei-Jun's chest is a defining feature of his creation!#I remain loyal to my king 😤#Lemmi hold those tits my liege 🤲 they look heavy by @livingmeatloaf

#normally so dissapointed in the scum villain ratio of these polls but im so glad this one is right#a defining part of mobei jun is that those thangs are thanging#they bounce when he goes down stairs by @theunconsecrated

Duke Su

#i know he's an underdog but i have to vote my heart#duke su your no shirt sword practice in the rain will always be famous to me 😔 by @noswordinourlake

Mu Sheng

#mu sheng#love game in eastern fantasy#guide to capturing a black lotus#feel so robbed that we didn't get any bath scenes in the drama#it's like a kdrama that doesn't have the ML brooding in the shower scene by @notacatdown

Whether full shirt off or with a cleavage low enough to tantalise, these characters are causing nosebleeds right, left, and centre

Write-ins, propaganda, and images are welcome!

ÉDIT - that moment when you see the typo in the poll options just after posting but you can’t edit a poll 😭