#but then at some point in s2 their dynamic goes from *she snaps at him because she's generally annoyed* to

[variousqueerthings]

haha yes. this is exactly how i read the dynamic! fraser is spot on as per what i understand of him/how i read him:

1. his mother died when he was young (i have been spoiled that it was violent but i don't know the details yet) 2. his father was an emotionally and physically distant mountie who dropped him with his grandparents when he was in single digits and didn't see him for most of the year, but fraser idolised him 3. his grandparents were very austere people who travelled around often, and so fraser didn't stay in one place for long enough to make any close friends (he had a friendship with a guy when he was 13, whom he calls his "best friend"... he meets him again as an adult and said man does not remember him all that well/there were several kids involved in said group and mainly they just played hockey) 4. his grandmother rescued a group of inuit people at the cost of getting burnt over large parts of her body -- it took a long time for fraser to learn about this, and was part of instilling into him that you don't "boast" about doing good, you simply do it, all the time 5. two of his favourite movies as a kid were "it's a wonderful life" and "the passion of joan of arc" 6. while he's quite savvy about some things, he's also incredibly naive about interpersonal relationships (leading to him thinking he's in love with a woman who is a violent criminal who definitely definitely manipulates the hell out of him. i think she does sincerely like him in some capacity but ohhhh boy was that not going to end well -- this was the situation that led to ray accidentally shooting him. he was aiming for her) 7. canonically struggles to set boundaries and stand up for himself, although will stand up for others. relies on the law as a concept to fall back on, even though this has failed him multiple times (and this is also where ray often steps in in various capacities)

as for ray: 1. grew up in a rough mafia-run neighbourhood and had a very bad experience as a teenager when he witnessed a kid's face getting mutilated with a basketball by the mob-boss' son and he feels guilty for not having stepped in, despite being a kid himself 2. i extrapolate from that that he joined the police idealistically, in an attempt to genuinely try to help people -- they're the only other people with power around the place after all 3. when we meet him he's clearly slipped somewhat, willing to do entrapment to help a case (canonically this is something he never would have done a few years ago!) jaded, doesn't like most people, chides fraser for being kind to others (although his second instinct towards fraser was kindness, once he learnt that his father had been murdered. his first was annoyance, but it only lasted a short while) 4. also, an older brother 5. also, was beaten and emotionally abused and neglected by his father as a child (suggested at least the latter well into adulthood/up until his father's death)

so ray, to me, reads as someone who was about drowned by the casual cruelty of the world and had reached the point where you do as you're told, you make things work, you don't make waves, you take care of your own and don't do hand-outs, and you don't care anymore... only for fraser to come along and upend all of that and genuinely it's within the pilot episode that ray becomes so ride-or-die that he gets himself blown up for fraser's sake and then checks himself out of hospital and goes to the middle of nowhere in canada to help him out in a gunfight

so fraser is ray's lifeline to the idea that there is something in the world worth fighting for and believing in (that is, fraser). ray needs fraser to be okay, because fraser represents some kind of higher purpose -- ray has described him both as a fairytale and as a saint, which is... exactly what fraser is

i think ray gets a lot out of caring for him, i'd say the same amount as fraser gets being cared for, but for the fact that one day ray's going to die of high blood-pressure because of just how jeopardy-friendly fraser is

and yeah. it's got some kinky vibes to it

ray's bullet forever lodged in fraser's spine because they couldn't remove it. the fact that he only shot him to save him. the depiction of the healing bullet wound and the lingering over fraser's scars. the entire episode dedicated to recovery. ray's guilt even though he did what he had to. ray taking a bullet for fraser. ray's later series anger that fraser always puts himself last and never lets himself feel anger or resentment at how people treat him. the ways ray so often takes on the role of caretaker for him, both as protector and emotional support. fraser's emotional landscape often taking on quite childish dimensions because he's had to be a serious and self-sustainable person from such a young age. the several narratives that toy with fraser becoming permanently disabled. ray's bullet. in his spine.

[dangermousie]

Watched 'Till The Blood Clear' which is an ep I love. It makes me giggle and sigh and everything. I hate Furlow. Stupid, selfish, greedy horror. I will not remember Infinite Possibilities. I will not. I will not. So much to love about this ep: Zhaan's photogasms (She basically spent this whole ep in bliss, good for her!), the design for sand planet, the continuity continuing to be amazing. But, hey, this being me, I want to talk about John and Aeryn. Do you know what I noticed this time? The brief, arrested look on Aeryn’s face when she finds out that John may, in fact, be able to go home. She has slowly come to rely on him, and he is her constant in the Universe that has shifted almost as crazily for her as it has for John. (Rygel, Zhaan and D’Argo are much less lost than those two, aren’t they?) And I love that John is so drawn-in by that wormhole, that he almost acts reckless for a moment and only Aeryn’s repeated and almost panicked comments about the wormhole not being stable, keep him from going in, even though he has no idea where it will come out. No, he isn’t at the chop-Pilot’s-arm-for-a-map stage, but it’s a theme of the show, isn’t it, how the desire for ‘home’ (which comes to mean so much more than the physical space: it comes to mean belonging, the one thing or person most desired) throws everything awry.   But yes. John and Wormholes. Throughout the show, this will grow to be a relationship as crucial as that of John and Aeryn, or John and Scorpius. Love and comfort and sanity for the former and hate and fear and darkness for the latter, but wormholes? Will both save and curse John all over again, but really are also a reflection of John-the-scientist, John-the-obsessive. Here, he is pure excitement and giddiness only. And  yet the seeds of obsession are there. The Ancients picked him - and I can see why they chose him. But to get back to Aeryn. As in so many early eps, Aeryn’s isolation, her inability to go back and her ambivalence towards it (she finally gives that ambivalence conclusively in AHM in her confrontation with Crais) are rather heartbreaking. If Farscape is about breaking John and putting the pieces back together again, one can say that the same applies to Aeryn, in a different way. She doesn’t want John to go, and she’s realized that, and I don’t think this knowledge is welcome to her. She is Peace Keeper, she does not like relying on another: this ep demonstrates it when she goes temporarily blind from solar flares and shakes off John’s help, snapping at him. She is afraid of helplessness because as DNAMS demonstrated, her upbringing left her with the belief that her tuned and well-functioning efficient body is the most valuable thing about her and she is slowly learning about soul and spirit and intellect and heart being even more important traits of her, but a part of her will always maintain the Peace Keeper worship of body-as-self-sufficient-machine. It actually shows how far she’s come and how much she loves Crichton, that her reaction to his slowly going insane in S2, does not involve in any way diminishing of her love. Or her pity. John and Aeryn never pity each other, do they? Not even when they see each other at their worst or weakest? I think that is one of the most crucial things about them as a couple. I think why a lot of the thrust of wounds for Crichton are psychic wounds and for Aeryn physical (though of course they get plenty of vice versa) is because if Aeryn has been taught to prize her obedient body, her strength, her instinct, for Crichton, lost in a strange crazy world, himself, his sense of self, his way of thinking are not just his strength, but all he’s got. So those respective hurts lash out the most at their sense of self. And this is a heck of a digression. OK. Right. Back to the ep. I love that John casually mentions to Aeryn that his offer (of going back to Earth) is still open. But for Aeryn, Earth isn’t home. Peace Keepers are still home. And that is why her reaction to Crais’ beacon is like John’s reaction to that wormhole. You know it’s a bad idea, you know it’s unstable, you know no good can come of it, but you cannot help but be tempted nonetheless. She wants to believe because somewhere she still feels a bit like a Peace Keeper inside. Notice her unconsciously standing ‘at rest’ in front of the beacon. It’s hard to give up the previous idea of home, for both John and Aeryn, hard and takes time. I do love how Crais tells Aeryn that he will restore her blah blah ‘my word as a Peacekeeper,’ and John interjects bitterly: “well, we know what it’s worth.” I love that ref to ‘That Old Black Magic.’ Oh John. I really love the interaction with Volcarians. John’s impersonation of the tough-as-nails alpha male is hilarious. The funny thing is, yet again, John wins through his brain. But while he is a lot tougher than John of Premiere or I, E.T. or what not, this is still a huge put-on act. S4 John wouldn’t even think of this sort of thing. He’d just walk in and own the place, really. But yeah, his telling Aeryn to keep her ‘damn mouth shut’ and her look at him are just...it’s funny because it’s so the opposite of their actual dynamic. I love that we know so utterly that John doesn't believe in any of this one bit, himself, and it's completely an act, that is so amusing precisely because it's so the opposite of who John is, someone who loves Aeryn for her strength. And when he tells the Volcarians that Aeryn is “one of” his mates? Ahahahaha In your dreams, you poor geeky darling. And I love John’s telling the Volcarians that his and Aeryn’s names are “Butch and Sundance.’ Heeeee. I love John’s off-kilter sense of humor. It will stick around even through the worst. And then of course D’Argo gets caught and Volcarians make John torture him and John turns it into that ‘clearing D’s blood so he’d live’ thing but the thing is: he has to hurt him. And I love that he doesn’t want to, he tries to get out of it, but he ends up doing it. And he says some very nasty things to D’Argo and they are mainly play-acting for purposes of Volcarians (and you can tell that John is horrified he has to say that stuff) but also there is a real frustration at D’Argo, all the real resentments and issues in that relationship, that inflect that incident. And I love that he says it’s a waste (the torture). And it’s true. He is stuck doing something senseless to pacify morons. Because they are dangerous morons. The senselessness of the Universe manifests again and it’s just the start. I do love his conversation with D’Argo, full of frustration, and caution, but also a new beginning, of agreeing to be allies (even if not friends because at that point it’s ‘too much to ask.’) I think it does reflect that D now sees John as more of an equal. Oh, and we end with Furlow. Whom I hate. You know, later John would just hit her and take the data and the ship with him. But this one? Not yet. 

[lesbianrobin]

hey guys it's me again back on my bullshit <3 wanna hear my theory about how tommy created king steve? warning it’s like 2800 words long okay let's go!

So, at first glance in S1, the Steve and Tommy dynamic seems somewhat obvious: King Steve and his loyal sidekick. This post is me arguing that the only reason we really have this perception is because Steve is the more attractive of the pair (no hate to Chester Rushing, he’s very cute, but. Joe Keery) and because Tommy himself encouraged it. Tommy was actually the more “dominant” partner in the duo. I believe that it was Tommy who encouraged Steve to lean into the “King Steve” persona and who encouraged belief in this persona among their classmates, all for his own benefit.

Before we can really get into it, I have to establish something about Steve’s character, specifically that he bases his self-worth and self-image almost entirely on what others say and think about him. I’m basing this assumption off of a few key moments in the series, but I don’t want this to be insanely long so I’ll try to focus on season two where this trait is most evident.

At the Halloween party, Nancy tells Steve that they killed Barb and that their “love” is bullshit, and then later outside of the gym she insists that he isn’t being fair or reasonable in his anger with her. The next day Steve shows up to her house with roses, rehearsing an apology (”I’m sorry... what am I sorry for?) even though he doesn’t feel that he’s done anything wrong. That’s important: apologizing even though he doesn’t actually believe or understand his feelings and actions to be wrong. He’s trusting Nancy’s perception that he’s been unreasonable above his own hurt feelings and his own perception that he’s done nothing he needs to apologize for. Then, at the end of the season, he tells Nancy that he may have been a shitty boyfriend, but he’s a pretty damn good babysitter. 

Sometime between going to the Wheelers’ house with flowers to apologize and talking to Nancy at the Byers’, Steve did a pretty serious 180 from “What the hell am I sorry for, what did I even do wrong” to “I was a shitty boyfriend and you should go be with Jonathan.” The last time he interacted with Nancy was prior to the flower incident, so what happened to cause this shift in perspective? I’d like to suggest... that nothing happened! 

See, Steve is on a pretty linear emotional path in S2 after the Halloween party. At first, he’s so upset that he can’t even look at Nancy, asking Jonathan to take her home. The next day he avoids her until she confronts him, at which point he’s rather confident in his own feelings that Nancy has hurt him and doesn’t love him like she should. As time goes on, though, he loses confidence in his feelings. He buys her flowers to apologize. He isn’t remotely angry with Nancy or Jonathan once they show up together and it’s pretty clear that something’s going on between them. Finally, he calls himself a shitty boyfriend. I think that the more time passes, the less Steve believes in himself, and the more he tends to default to believing others despite his own feelings. As the anger fades, he questions himself, and since he loves and trusts Nancy, he’s inclined to believe her! Since she doesn’t love him, he must have done something wrong. Because Nancy doesn’t love him, because she wants Jonathan, because their relationship was “bullshit,” he now believes he must have been a shitty boyfriend.

Sidenote, in S3 he says a lot of shit about how he’s a loser with no future, and the way he says it indicates (to me) that it’s something he hears quite often, likely from his father. Even though it’s pretty normal to be working minimum wage the summer after you graduate high school and not have things figured out yet, even though he’s literally helped save his friends’ lives, perhaps even helped save the whole town, Steve has internalized the idea that he’s a total failure at the ripe old age of 18 (19?) and I can’t help but think that it’s because his father has told him. So. Also in S3, he says his hair is his greatest feature, and apparently people literally call him Steve “the Hair” Harrington so like, maybe he just knows he has really good hair, but he ALSO might be responding to the nickname by saying like, “Oh, okay, the hair is Objectively my best feature, okay.” Just a little bit of speculation!

I know this is a lot of my own personal opinions and speculation, but if you can get behind it, let’s keep going! If Steve is someone whose every belief about himself is a direct response to the words and feelings of those around him, if he places the opinions of others above his own feelings, it would logically follow that he might be easily emotionally manipulated.

So, let’s apply this lens to his friendship with Tommy!

Let’s run down the list. Steve cleans up after Tommy, making excuses for his shitty behavior, even wordlessly giving Carol his own food at lunch after Tommy ruined hers. He allows Tommy and Carol to have sex in his mom’s bed, and as indicated by their familiarity with the bedroom and knowledge of where the spare sheets are, this is a regular occurrence. He’s also always seen driving the two of them around. 

Neither Tommy nor Carol is ever really seen doing anything kind for Steve. They tease his girlfriend, then later use his heartbreak as an excuse to graffiti some shit and make cruel jokes about Nancy and Jonathan. That’s just not the behavior of a couple hangers-on to the most popular kid in school! Neither of them ever even pretend to give a shit about Steve. It seems that Tommy and Carol were very comfortable using Steve for his big empty house and his nice car and his popularity at school because they’d been using him for years at that point, and they thought there was no way he’d ever ditch them.

I think it’s generally accepted among fans that Steve and Tommy have been close friends for years. Tommy’s familiar with Steve’s father’s infidelity, and is comfortable enough to joke and laugh about it with Steve. The two of them just... operate like people who’ve existed around each other for a long time. So, if we accept that Steve and Tommy have been friends for awhile, we can then accept three things: the two of them know each other very well, Tommy is used to having fun at Steve’s expense, and Steve is used to allowing it.

When Steve does finally stand up to Tommy and Carol, Tommy turns on him immediately. It’s an incredibly fast turn. He shoves Steve up against his car, physically threatens him, and proceeds to taunt him angrily even as he’s driving away. Specifically he yells, “That’s it, run away Stevie boy, run away! Just like you always do,” and continues to shout variations on this phrase even after Steve’s driven far enough that Tommy’s only yelling to himself. The fact that Tommy keeps shouting after Steve can’t hear him indicates that he is genuinely very upset by Steve’s standing up against him and Carol. His fury, however, as indicated by the speed with which he turned on Steve, seems to be less like that of one who feels betrayed by a friend and more like one angry at some perceived loss or threat. 

Now, let me just state the obvious: that was a really weird thing for Tommy to be yelling!

There’s no real precedent at this point (or any time) in the show for Steve “running away,” unless you count him running from the cops, which... Tommy also did, and which also happened, like, ten minutes ago, which I don’t think would really qualify for the wording “like you always do.” Tommy also suddenly calls him “Stevie boy,” which (correct me if I’m wrong) nobody has called Steve thus far. Maybe he’s just trying to mock and belittle Steve in any way he can think of, but it’s just... weirdly specific. The whole thing is a bit of a non-sequitur.

But! Remember how we established that Steve and Tommy, by virtue of having been friends for a significant period of time, know each other pretty well? Remember how Tommy is knowledgeable about Steve’s father’s infidelity, so familiar that he’s comfortable joking about it? Keep that in mind.

This phrase that Tommy shouts at Steve only makes sense in the context of some offscreen information that we the viewer are not privy to, but which Tommy and Steve are. What might that information be? Nothing in the show indicates that Steve has a history of picking fights prior to the incident with Jonathan. He’s a fairly respectable suburban kid, what is Tommy accusing him of running from? It’s my opinion that the only logical answer is that Tommy’s referencing a specific event with Steve’s “asshole” father, or a specific phrase that Steve has perhaps often heard from his father. I’m gonna ask you to sit on this assumption for a minute, and I’ll come back and support it soon.

Okay, so that’s S1 out of the way. At this point, a few things are clear: Steve has issues with his dad. Tommy knows about those issues. Steve allowed himself to be used by Tommy and Carol for some indeterminate yet significant amount of time before finally snapping and dumping them completely, something which infuriates Tommy.

Tommy is also in S2! And... all he does is tell Steve that Nancy and Jonathan are skipping school together. He never actually interacts with Nancy or Jonathan; he shows up in S2 entirely to mock Steve, to use his deepest fears and insecurities against him. 

First thing: in the S2 shower scene after basketball practice, Tommy makes it a point to shove Jonathan and Nancy’s relationship in Steve’s face. Billy doesn’t know Steve, so he attacks his basketball skills and his keg stand record, but Tommy? Tommy knows about Steve’s dad cheating on his mom, he was there for the S1 fistfight, he knows how monumental infidelity is to Steve, especially in the case of Nancy and Jonathan, and so that is what he chooses to torment Steve with, and it clearly strikes a nerve. 

Now’s where I circle back to my assertion that Tommy was referencing/quoting Steve’s father while yelling at him back in S1. S2 makes it clear that Tommy  knows Steve’s biggest insecurities, and he intentionally exploits them for his own purposes. This, combined with the way Tommy demonstrates intimate knowledge of Steve’s family situation and the fact that his words just don’t quite make sense in context, the fact that “Stevie boy” sounds like something a father may call his young son, makes me believe that at some point, Steve told Tommy about something his dad said that hurt him, and Tommy remembered that to use against him later. 

This paragraph is just speculation on what Tommy might be referring to, so skip if you want, it’s entirely my own opinion. We know that Steve’s parents sleep in separate bedrooms and his father can’t be trusted not to cheat, and thus we might assume that they argue a lot. Maybe his parents get into lots of arguments, and whenever Steve chooses to remove himself from the situation, he’s accused of running away. Maybe Steve runs off whenever he gets in trouble with his father. There’s a lot of possibilities, but either way, “run away, Stevie boy, run away just like you always do” just... sounds too personal and specific to be something random and meaningless that Tommy came up with on the spot.

Now, in S2, Tommy also appears to have latched onto Billy rather quickly after Billy’s arrival in town. Coincidentally, Billy is kind of obsessed with Steve and taking him down, despite the fact that Steve never sought him out or challenged him in any way. Steve has been minding his own business! When they later end up in a fistfight, Billy says that he’s “been dying to meet this King Steve” that people have been telling him about, and I can’t help but think... who would make it their priority to talk to Billy about Steve Harrington? Like, new guy from California moves to my small Indiana town, I don’t want to tell him about some popular guy at school who’s gotten kinda lame and quiet lately, I want to ask him about himself, or tell him what we do for fun around here, right? So who might be incentivized to talk Steve up to a guy who’s clearly itching for a fight, a guy dying to prove that he’s top dog? Who did we see hanging out with Billy a couple of times?

Did you say Tommy? Because it’s Tommy! It certainly seems to me as though Tommy saw an opportunity in Billy. The opportunity to befriend someone with a certain social power (much like with Steve), but also the opportunity to torment or get back at Steve in some way. I think that Tommy intentionally inflated the character of “King Steve” to Billy in the hopes that Billy would pick a fight with Steve and Steve would get his ass kicked without Tommy having to get his hands dirty.

Which makes me wonder... what if Tommy played up that King Steve image to people besides Billy? Other kids at Hawkins High... or perhaps Steve himself. Remember how Steve internalizes things? Believes that he must be whatever others see in him? Yeah.

Let’s say you’re an asshole teenage boy who wants it all. You want to be popular. You want to have a spot to hang out with your girlfriend with no parents around. You want to feel strong and powerful. You meet a kid who could give you all of that, and all he wants in return is friendship. He doesn’t even seem to care if that friendship is genuine or not! All you have to do is hang around and make him feel like a cool kid. Convince him to throw a small party, you and your girlfriend get free reign of his nice big house. Make sure he knows that he’s got Prom King potential, that he’s the top dog, and you get to be one of the popular guys, too. It’s a pretty sweet deal if you can recognize the opportunity for what it is.

One last thing: Actual Steve is nothing like he seems around Tommy and Carol in the start of S1. Making friends with Dustin and coming up with a goofy handshake, singing to cheer Robin up in S3, singing into the bat to try and cheer Nancy up in S1, holding her hand during their first time, unabashedly telling her she’s beautiful and that he missed her even if only an hour had passed... Steve is a very emotional, dorky guy, and we never really got to see that side of him when he was around Tommy. I just find that interesting in light of the fact that Steve and Tommy seem to be otherwise rather close. Steve was clearly playing a part to some degree while around them, and in S3 he explicitly says that he behaved the way he did in high school because he was concerned about what others would think of him, about losing his popularity. Even prior to their argument, Steve was wary around Tommy, concerned about losing his friendship despite the fact that Tommy was a pretty objectively shitty friend.

So, here’s what we know. Tommy knows a lot about Steve, including his private family issues, and he isn’t above using that knowledge to hurt or manipulate Steve. In fact, he seems to be really good at it. Tommy benefitted from Steve’s popularity, from him throwing parties and living up to the “King Steve” image. Steve followed Tommy’s lead in their friendship, cleaned up after him, made excuses for him, and let him get away with just about anything. He masked aspects of his personality that didn’t fit the image that he and Tommy aimed for. He was desperate to retain Tommy’s friendship and afraid of letting the mask fall. Tommy was furious when Steve rejected him, taunted Steve with deeply personal jabs, and a year later he latched onto the new “top dog” in town with record speed. Steve is a completely different person when he’s around Tommy versus when he’s around Nancy, Robin, and the kids. Most importantly, we know that Steve has a tendency to construct himself in the image provided by others. 

Taking all of this into account, I think that Tommy Hagan met sad, rich, handsome little Steve Harrington, saw just how lonely and desperate he was to feel a sense of belonging, and used that to nudge Steve into striving to be the person that Tommy wanted him to be: King Steve. 

[norgestan]

norandro, eva/nora, amiris 👀❣️

NORANDRO:

i mean, starting off pretty strong with my favorite eskam couple. oh god. THEM. as someone who cannot stomach season 2 and also skipped william's clip and william's clip only when season 4 of skam came to an end... i will ALWAYS love what eskam did for this couple. i think i explain it pretty well on my season 3 review, but to sum up those thoughts: i think this is what noorhelm was truly supposed to be, they're both pretty flawed characters with great arcs who make their get-together super interesting and organic, alejandro is my baby and the most developed william and i'll die on this hill, etc.

especially i think that norandro, for a ship that got way less screentime that all their other counterparts, is by FAR the most developed couple in all of them and up there in eskam too, and although they weren't the focus of most of the show, it's clear as day that the writers really tried to tell a compelling story with these two - and they succeeded. it's shocking to me that eskam actually got to link the "everyone is fighting a battle" motto that has become a meme for how poorly incorporated it is on the skamverse, as alejandro effectively behaved around that motto: during season 3 and onwards, which is where i believe he's fully reformed as a character and love interest, he never hurts nora - nor anyone - in any way. he struggles to tell nora how he doesn't want a relationship because he doesn't want to hurt her, and in the miscommunication fest that their first clip of s3 is, i've always LOVED that nora calls alejandro a "fuckboy" still, and he's clearly annoyed by this, but doesn't bite back. he's always so mindful of her feelings even though he's struggling himself, BECAUSE he understands that his suffering is not the center of the world! because treating people with kindness is a strength in itself! and it continues like that for the rest of the season. like, at his most petty, he just sends a text to nora calling her a "fuckboy", which is honestly hilarious. he deals with a lot of jealousy because of nora's new relationship, yet he values her friendship so much that he never snaps at her, he never lets it show when he's talking to her, and he's never passive-aggressive about it - you can tell that he's so genuinely glad that they're still friends after all. god, the clip where he realizes that miquel is a shit boyfriend while he's talking to nora... imagine the things any other william would've said there. imagine the ways alejandro could've been petty or overprotective and fuck everything up. instead, he recognizes nora needs space and even though it hurts to be away from her, he does it because he understands it's what she needs - and his own feelings and entitlement (that he previously showed, too!) aren't the most important thing. it's beautiful. UGH. what a great character eskam crafted, there.

i like them well enough in s4, too. i think, for what they had to work with, they took them in a good direction and their happy ending feels deserved. it's just that... personally, i wish there was more introspection of nora's aftermath in s3, which is also one of my complaints with season 3 - and where characters like emma could've been SO good. although i understand the intentions, a lot of nora's internal turmoil regarding her abusive relationship with miquel are only tied to her desire to be with alejandro. it's frustrating that it became so boy-focused when the girl squad was the center of the emotional climax of nora's season. to me, the solution is still in giving the pov's to the girl squad and not... random characters lol, but oh well. i think eskam did good there and i still love this couple the most!!! i just wish there was an universe where their story doesn't have to be wrapped up in one season and we can get actual glimpses of a beautiful slow burn where they can finally get together and make their relationship work - and this is where the fanfic part comes in, i guess! as someone who loves the couple, i liked seeing them lovey-dovey in the background of s4, but also i wouldn't have been too mad if they held off from making them completely canon and only hinted their status as endgame, kinda how they did with eva and jorge. oh, and speaking of eva, i guess...

NOREVA:

i guess, the main thing with them is that i love norandro so much that i can't really see nora with any other love interest??????? now, platonically. UGH. 12/10. anyone who's seen season 3 should know and i shouldn't even have to explain it tbh. i love the focus that is put on their friendship and how emotionally charged it is when it comes to miquel and the aftermath of all that. like, a similar thing is done with norandro - because at that point, nora and alejandro were exclusively friends, but it becomes even more relevant when it's about eva. eva who, you know, was in a toxic relationship herself. i love that she herself brings up her relationship with jorge when she's talking about miquel, and how wary she is of everything that happening. the fact that she's the first one to sense it feels so right!!! i love that eskam really made them close and gave them the window scene, which is both so powerful on its message and a true love letter to female friendships.

i think eva is a really underrated eskam character as it is, like... people really don't understand how great of a character she is and how much she's grown. they are quick to call her a boring, ooc party girl once s2 rolls around, like eskam didn't spend TIME making eva herself declare that hooking up with cristian (and cristian ONLY!) was something she did out of fun and she was decided to stop as soon as it stopped being fun for her. moreover, eva is such a perceptive person: she's been that way since s1 and it has only carried across for the entirety of the show since then. and when pairing two really good characters together, like eva and nora, you really can't go wrong. their friendship brings great things out of both of them and it goes through its own arc during nora's season, whereas other seasons either dump eva as noora's bff midway through or just make them really close to introduce character drama but don't really do anything to their dynamic as it is.

romantically... sigh. i'm sorry LOL as much as i love girls kissing and wlw romance done right... i don't see potential for this relationship outside their platonic dynamic. which is, btw, incredibly strong and beautiful. i'm super contented with how eskam handled their friendship and therefore i wouldn't want anything else from them, and it's not like nooreva where the chemistry was THERE. however! i'm always open to see people's interpretations of what romantic noreva could be. wasn't it you who wrote that beautiful fic of nora realizing she's bi and falling for eva after season 3? because now THAT'S the shit i'm looking for. i think there's a lot of potential there which i'd like to see explored in fic, but other than that, i love their relationship how it is and i've never felt a desire to see them as each other romantic interests.

AMIRIS:

first things first: why did eskam NEVER confirm cris having an embarrassing, sweet, confusing childhood crush on amira? i mean, it's my headcanon that she'll later realize it and she'll jolt awake and think "holy FUCK" but like... it's a thing that isaks are into their jonases. why didn't it happen here :(((((

being honest, childhood friends to lovers has never been my thing? a simple friends to lovers doesn't do it for me: i like my relationships rocky, with lots of character moments and whose survival and success depend only on the people involved making efforts to change and do better. if you've seen s4... yeah, that's not really the case. it's just disappointing because damn, amiris is the realest thing indeed, but also... what case are the writers doing for them? because it was only irene and hajar doing the intense gazing and bringing all the chemistry home. s4 cris is a mess and a half, and while i like the idea of the bench scene featuring both of them, and being more about cris reminding amira the reasons she's made it this far instead of lecturing her about sucking it up better... the result is still lackluster. there are SO many issues on their friendship that were introduced and then dropped, and it's really nice that cris finally is there to comfort amira when shit goes down, it truly is! but what else is there? it's just a small part of s4 being a bunch of missed potential. they could've REALLY done something great with their relationship and bring back and close cris' development in the show, but we only got... well, nothing. back to 0. amira has to live with those problems, now. things like that really make it seem like once amira broadens her horizons, she won't really go back to her friendship with the girls, and cris will be a lingering wound of the past. oh well.

ehem. romantically!!!!!!! as i said, cris was totally crushing on amira at some point. like... canon really makes a point at making cris' brother amira's love interest, where dani has nothing to offer to amira than cris hasn't done yet. iftar on a rooftop? ha, loser, cris did it first. admiring her passion and her faith? cris does it arguably way better than dani. longtime pining? dude. go home. okay, i'll cut dani soto some slack since it's not about him lol. point is, if amira was charmed by all of those things, then what tells me that the option of her and cris being a thing is off the table? at the end of the day, they're indeed a relationship that needs a lot of work and patience to last. the 500k slow burn is writing itself, really.

(regardless of amiris' future, i still think irene and hajar have to do a cute romcom romance at some point. their chemistry is off the charts.)

[bluetiefling]

So, Cursed (2020), is pretty bad! And I wanted to say a few things because somebody had to. This is mostly ranting.

Cursed was rife with problems from poor pacing to poor worldbuilding to plain cliche and uninspired story arcs, but the most glaring issue has gotta be Katherine herself who c a n n o t carry this thing. It was gonna take a very strong and compelling actress to make Miss Nimmyway work and she is not that. The wooden acting just exacerbates all the issues the character has, which plague a lot of badly conceived fantasy protagonists. Mainly, being devoid of real charm and personality and having no agency because she plods through the story largely reacting to everything and not driving the action (while other characters fall at her feet and love her inexplicably and are there to hold her hand and tell her plot points to react to etc). When she starts “acting out” and showing I guess some semblance of personality, it’s because of ~magic corrupting her, so of course when she snaps at someone or goes into a rage it’s not really her fault and there’s no growth or organic character conflict to develop her. She also does a thing I’ve grown to loath in many protagonists where they get people killed or make stupid mistakes, and then angst about it but really they’re not taking any blame or examining their behavior, they’re just wallowing and making it about themselves. And of course other characters are there immediately to coddle her because actually, she did nothing wrong! And please, be our queen, girl we met five minutes ago who merely showed off some powers (which she complained about the whole time btw)!

Devon as Arthur is great and he can actually act, and he was trying so, so hard sell his romantic dynamic with Ninny but there was no saving it. He was one of many better and multifaceted characters trapped in her orbit where her lack of charisma and overall static character development makes it very hard to understand why he’s so sprung over her, let alone why she wins anyone else over enough that they want her as queen. And on that note idk why all the other characters (her included!) constantly treated him so badly and he himself keeps struggling with his own honor and sense of goodness when he’s an all around goodhearted and noble guy from the jump. It’s like the show was gaslighting me lol. I feel like their plan too is for Arthur to win hearts and minds and take the throne through merit, which I am here for, but I suspect they’re gonna frame it like he stole it from Ninny or something. Like I personally would love that because she sucks, but it’ll be tedious sitting through a show telling me she’s been so wronged by him, if that’s where they’re going with this eventually. I mean they’ve already had it so Morgana only starts feeling negatively about Ninny because (again) corrupting magic, because this show can’t bear to have characters form doubts about her competence or worthiness in a sincere way. 

Morgana is another character played by a lovely and talented actress who immediately adores Ninny (well, I guess not immediately, but they had Ninny tell her “hey, being gay is okay” and that’s enough for Morgana to declare them bffs forever) and she too suffers from trying to prop up Ninny all season. I couldn’t believe it when in one scene Ninny throws a fit and tosses the sword in a canyon and Morgana jumps to declare she’ll go fetch it while Ninny literally sits and pouts. I mean??? And that’s basically their dynamic - Ninny complaining and Morgana bending over backwards to push this useless girl to her “destiny”. Lol and I guess they’re gonna expect me to side with Ninny when Morgana goes all dark sided. 

It is so telling that one of Arthur and Morgana’s strongest moments was when they get their one (1) scene talking to each other about something that isn’t Ninny related. Devon and Shalom saw the chance to Act and they came alive right there. 

Daniel is the reason I first heard about this show and I unabashedly loved his character and all the dramatic dance fighting - he was the highlight for me lol. (I KNOW I know) But that’s a problem when said character is very underutilized. He appears in every episode I think but sometimes that just amounts to less than a minute of screen time. His secret Lancelot on a path to redemption is one of the few twists on the legend that I’m really into, but there was so little to see of him. Like of course they must have been planning more focus for him next season, but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t more they could do with him here. His redemptive turn is prompted by a few scenes in the finale when they could’ve been seeding it more throughout. And I would’ve loved more scenes with him and Arthur (who managed to spark with him in their one fight scene far more than he does with whatshername). Before I’d seen the show I would’ve said I hope he interacted with Ninny a lot to see if there was something worth shipping but uhhh... hard pass on the idea now and it’s maybe a relief I didn’t have to sit through him falling in love with her instantly while she looks bored and delivers her lines with the exact same cadence for every scene.

And speaking of female characters he is presumably going to have a romantic arc with (that’s assuming this show actually gets a s2 which it doesn’t really deserve... .....), we have Red Spear. Or should I say RRRRED SPEEAARRR RAHHH because the actress couldn’t say a line without rage yelling it. And I wouldn’t care except I know this woman is meant to be Guinevere according to the book and.......... ...... ..... Like putting aside my aggravation at Guinevere being another rawwrr warrior woman because these writers have very limited ideas for Strong Female Characters apparently, but I can’t deal with her also being lowkey deranged like RED SPEAR comes across in all her scenes. She was just too much. And we have such a good Arthur and Lancelot and the thought them trying to make that love triangle work with RED SPEAR is actively painful.  

On that note, I’m a tiny bit hopeful that the fact the Guinevere name drop never happened in the show (as it did at the end of the book) means they’ve realized the actress can’t do this and they’ve cut that. Maybe she’ll be recast? Ideally they rewrite the plan for Guinevere entirely and let her be, god forbid, a courtly maiden who can’t fight but is no less “strong” for it? What a concept. The team behind this show doesn’t inspire confidence on that front, though. They seem set in their ways... I am also preparing myself for the possibility that they just merge Nimue and Guinevere after they realize Nimue has largely served her purpose already and they struggle to come up with things for her to do. And then my suffering will continue because I will keep watching this garbage for Daniel.

I have no idea what the viewership numbers are for this show - I would guess not great but worse things have been popular on Netflix so who knows. It doesn’t deserve a s2, but the show is potentially salvageable I think? I mean my recommendation would be letting Nimue stay dead at the end, her purpose and story finished, and let Arthur take over as the main with Lancelot and a new, not Red Spear Guinevere, as co-leads. You could really have something with that combination. Also get a new showrunner and reshuffle the writers’ room while they’re at it.

[fcbabyx]

Elite S2 - Worth It

Hola, hola, hola, ¿cómo están? 

Netflix España’s hit teenage drama, Eilte, is back with its second season and surprisingly, is worth it. In only 8 episodes, the writers managed to reveal who Marina’s killer is to the Elite squad while introducing 3 new characters that serve as catalysts for some of the main characters. - spoilers ahead, just a heads up.-

The Good

The writers found a new way to keep Marina’s storyline alive with a different point of view. The communication between the teens and how open they are talking about sex, drugs, problems, etc... is nice to see that. 

The Bad 

The temporary write off of both Nano and Christian was unnecessary. To some point, I understand why Nano would leave, but Christian’s case, that was some real  class bullshit right there. You have the one main character that knows the truth and you decide to get rid of him in the first episode? The fuck? Oh yeah, you know why? Cause, that’s how you set up the whole Samuel x Carla bullshit... 🙄

The show is still 8 episodes long. I personally believe that at this point the show could afford to at least hit the double digits. 

The Ugly 

Cayetana - Talk about a fucking unnecessary character. Her arc is so bland that  the best the writers could do was turn her into a modern age con-artist, cause mind you that’s what she is, until her purpose was finally exposed a.k.a Polo. Also, Cayetana is the one character that is used to give in house bitch, Lucrecia a redemption arc and humanize her again, she is still a bitch tho. 

Breakdown 

Samuel goes missing. Okay. Christian gets run over by Carla’s dad hit squad. Okay. Let’s stop. As mentioned above Christian gets written off by a car “accident” that paralyzes him and hey, the in laws are willing to pay for his recovery in Sweden....so  off to Sweden and just like that the one character that could have ratted out both Carla and Polo is taken care off. The only reason that shit had to happen is cause Carla had to fall for Samuel. I personally think is bullshit, that Christian didn’t asked for a moment by himself and Samuel and just spilled the beans. Por que puñetaaaa, if your bestfriend’s brother who is also your other bestfriend is in jail, you would think some he would try to do something, realistically speaking that’s what teenagers would do. However, that shit doesn’t happen. So Bye bye Christian. 

Samuel and Carla, talk about, de el odio al amor hay solo un paso, bullshit. Fans are going crazy over this ship but is an excellent example of the writers doing a good job at setting this bullshit up and getting away with it. Let me remind you that Carla not once looked at Samuel, like oh yeah I wanna fuck him in season one. She was swayed by Christian and that was the introduction to the Polo x Carla x Christian dynamic. So in season  2, it took Samuel giving her a little attention when her boytoy, Christian is not around, and she just gives in. Literally that’s all it took, like one episode. It took Christian more effort than Samuel, just  throwing that in there. However, this happened because, in order for Samuel to be found, Carla had to “break” and confess and expose Polo. That is the plan that both Samuel and Guzman come up with and it works. She “out of love” breaks and exposes Polo. 🙄To be honest with you, i was waiting for the moment that she would also deal with legal consequences for helping him out but you know, una puta con corazon de oro. Let’s be real Carla’s character has no purpose except for sex appeal and the Polo expose, that’s it, that’s the character. Cool thing that came out of it is Samuel and Guzman’s friendship. 

Nadia and Guzman, let’s be real, their  appeal is the whole Romeo and Juliet trope in a modern society. Guzman goes through a lot of emotions due to Marina, Lu, and Nadia. Eventually he breaks, it was bound to happen but he also finally,  leaves Lucrecia. Now, it is  Nadia that is getting all the backlash from the fans. Nadia in the eyes of many has been reduced from a badass proud Muslim girl to I’ll do anything to get Guzman, which is bullshit. Nadia’s transformation is 2 seasons long. One she finally breaks free on her own accords and 2, she takes control of her own actions without being forced by outside forces. Example, Lucrecia and the hijab bullshit at school. People have to realize that Nadia is the character that will defend her right to do what she wants, when she wants to, not because someone is forcing her to do so. It takes two seasons of context for her character to come alive.

She also gains a new female bestie, Rebeca. Rebeca is one of the catalysts of this season. She is one of Nadia’s biggest cheerleaders and confidants. A teenage girl usually needs a female bestie, and Rebeca is that for Nadia. Rebeca is also kinda used by Samuel, but Samuel is also used by her mom. The point is that Rebeca’s biggest purpose in the show is to be Nadia’s girl. I’m okay with that. 

Lucrecia and Valerio, the Cruel Intentions + Flowers on the Attic dynamic, just doesn’t cut it. So here is my theory and the more I think about it and analyze it, it makes sense. The writers needed someone to beat Lucrecia with her own tactics, and who better than her half brother former lover Valerio? This is the perfect example of taste your own medicine. Nadia went head to head with Lu and won and lost. Guzman, lord knows it took too damn long for him to call it off and be honest about his lack of love for her, so here comes Valerio and does what needed to be done, he breaks her but in the process he breaks himself as well. I am not a fan of the incest, but Valerio is by far the best introduction this season. He, for the wrong seasons, wanted Nadia and Guzman together; however in the process he becomes friends with Nadia, which I personally appreciated. He also, makes the selfish stupid decision in recording her and Guzman having sex and sending the video to Lu, hoping that Lu would wake up from Luland and see that Guzman, just doesn’t love you anymore and it works. The backlash is that she spreads the video, to which he tells Nadia that he is the one who took it, and there goes their friendship. Mind you, all of this is after, he tells Nadia the whole incest thing. Eventually Lucrecia snaps in a fake gala by truly yours, Cayetana, exposes Cayetana, Guzman’s relationship, and has her emotional bullshit breakdown after she fucks her brother, then she fucks him again. So Valerio done with her bullshit, in the family dinner text’s daddy to look underneath the table y puta madre, quedo cabron!!!! Daddy gets to see how close his 2 kids really are. Now my only complaint is that at the end of season 2 Valerio is nowhere to be found while Rebe and Cayetana are still there, which makes sense. I personally would have liked to see the del amor al odio es solo un paso, cause let’s be real, Lucrecia will always be the greedy bitch of my way or my way and the only one that can beat her at it is her own fucking brother. I needed that. I need that. 

Ander and Omar,  the growth, their communication, the trust, the love, the love, fucking amazing. Omar, gets kicked out for finally standing up to his father, so he goes to Ander’s. He gains freedom and a non-toxic home that he, himself, said he is not going back to. He gets a job, he gets to dress up, and just be himself, fucking shit, HE DESERVES IT, PUÑETA! Ander on the other hand, has to deal with the hey my bestfriend killed my other bestfriend’s sister, cause Polo actually tells him. Ander’s emotional and mental state, did get the best of him to some point, his relationship with Omar gets affected, his relationship to Guzman eventually goes to shit, and Polo, well you know. However, Omar and Ander do figure things out, cause somehow, they are a mature couple that do loves each other. 👏👏👏👏👏👏

Cayetana and Polo, let’s be real, I don’t like the bitch. She gets introduced as another high class snob and immediately becomes friends with Lu. In the process she falls for Polo. Cayetana is ashamed of her poor life background and literally lies and fakes her way through life. It gets to the point that to pay off a debt of a dress she stole, she makes up this fundraiser gala that Lu eventually makes it a reality for her, in order for her to get the money to pay off the debt and keep the rest for her school, family, etc... that’s a con-artist, period. This bitch has no purpose except that she becomes Polo’s new partner in crime.  She hides  the trophy, y’all. That’s it, that’s the character.  She’s so bland. She is so useless. In all honesty, she is not needed, Polo could had turned on Carla and bring her down too, but deep down he is still in love with her and  his anxiety gets the best of him, and that I understand. Cayetana is now the worst character in the series. Con artist and partner in crime with a killer. 

Also, Polo is technically a killer but not really. He killed Marina, in what it looks like as a pre-anxiety breakdown and a fit of rage trying to protect Carla. Keep in mind he didn’t wanted to kill her, he actually asked  multiple times for the fucking watch , is not premeditated murder, he was trying to get the watch back and his worry over Carla pushed him to a breaking point. On top of that Marina coming at him made him snap. In season 2 his anxiety is in an all time high, due to the secret. He and Ander do bail out  Nano, but he never confesses. In a way I  do blame the writers in not wanting to bring Carla down, by not having Polo confess and point her as the one to suggest to cover up and shit, cause she was trying to protect daddy, who needs no fucking protection. This would have been completely different season, if Polo and Christian would had teamed up against Carla. That right there would have been fucking fantastic. In reality the culprit and catalyst of this are Marina and the watch, but the main problem is Carla’s dad. If Polo and Christian would had teamed up with Samuel and Guzman, it would have been a total different season, granted that also meant that Polo had to confess his act to Guzman, but it would have been a total different season. In reality Elite needs a villain and right now Polo is the easier choice. Is clear that if season 3 comes through, it will be a them vs  Polo + Cayetana, which is fine I guess, but it steers away from the actual reason it happened, the fucking watch. I’m not saying Carla’s dad is corrupt, but Carla’s dad is corrupt. 

Tl;dr: Season 2, exposes Polo by making Carla fall in love with Samuel. Lucrecia breaks cause she can’t have everything she wants, from Guzman to her brother, so she spreads a video of Nadia and Guzman having sex, real classy. Omander is still alive. Rebeca is a true friend. Guzman and Samuel are a good combo. Cayetana is a con artist that helps Polo to walk free by retrieving the trophy from the lake and hiding it. That’s it that’s the season. 

I do believe that Elite’s downfall is not wanting  to finish the murder storyline. Ideally they would wrap up the Marina murder storyline and shift the focus onto Carla’s dad and the  watch, but that shit  is not  going to  happen let’s be real. 

Overall score : Is a solid 4/5. 

[ofendlesswonder]

10, SuperCat please

10. I’m so happy you’re alive.

This is also posted on ao3, because apparently I have not lost the skill of being able to turn a five word prompt into something that is definitely longer than a drabble. 

Set at the start of s2, with the usual assumptions applied - no Mon-Hell, Cat didn’t leave, etc. 

Supergirl falls from the sky, and the world fallsout from underneath Cat’s feet.

She’s in her office when it happens, pacingin-front of her desk in the middle of a meeting.

It’s nothing, at first – just one screenflickering with grainy cellphone footage of an alien involved in an altercationdowntown – and Cat thinks nothing of it as she turns on her heel and continuesher tirade.

A few moments later two screens show the flutterof a red cape as Supergirl arrives on the scene, and Cat thinks it’ll bebusiness as usual – there’ll be a fight, the alien will be caught, andSupergirl will triumph, coming home to Cat later that evening, if a littlebattered and bruised.

Their relationship is still new, just a few weeksold, had happened shortly after Kara’s promotion to reporter when the powerdynamics between them hadn’t been quite so extreme and neither of them had beenable to ignore the simmering attraction between them for any longer.

It’s new, and no-one knows yet, save for Carter –they’d wanted some time to figure things out for themselves before tellingother people – and Cat doesn’t think she’s ever been so happy.  

It’s hard, though, dating a superhero.

And not just because it keeps Kara so damn busy.

It’s more than that – it’s having to deal withthe person you care about regularly putting themselves in danger, knowing thatone day they might not come home, having to suffer through every kick and punchwhen the battles are caught on camera, and not knowing what the outcome willbe.

Today, it isn’t business as usual.

Because Kara looks out of her depth, out there onthose screens (on all of them now, the battle dragging on and capturing theattention of everyone in the office, Cat’s meeting abandoned as her employeesgather in-front of the screens, watching with baited breath as the city’s herotakes a beating), her face bloodied and bruised, and when her opponent deliversanother blow, it’s hard enough to knock her from the sky and send her crashingdown to the street below.

The office is silent as everyone holds theirbreath, waiting for Supergirl to rise back into the air and finish things.

But she never does.

Cat watches as a figure dressed all in blackdarts into view on the screen, can see the tension in the woman’s shoulders andeven though they’ve never officially met she recognises Alex Danvers as shedashes towards her fallen sister.

Alex is followed a moment later by several othersbefore the screens go black, presumably due to DEO interference, and Cat feelssick because she knows they wouldn’t do that unless they had a damn goodreason.

Cat forces herself to turn away, catches the eyeof a very pale James Olsen and watches as he raises his phone to his ear withtrembling fingers before disappearing from view. Cat is desperate to go afterhim, to find out what’s happening, but she knows she can’t, has to keep herselftogether especially now, with her office so crowded.

Instead, she takes a breath and snaps at them allto get back to work, even though she knows she won’t be getting anything doneherself for the rest of the day, not until she knows that Kara’s okay.

She tries calling Kara’s phone, even as she knowsit’s useless.

She calls and calls and calls, but no-one everpicks up.

She keeps an eye on the news coverage, too,in-case anyone had captured footage of Supergirl being taken away, or somehow,miraculously escaping unscathed.

Cat can barely believe her luck when, just a fewhours later, Supergirl appears on-screen again, stopping a robbery downtown.

The office cheers at the sight of her, but Catnotices James, waiting for something at the printer with deep lines around hiseyes and a dark expression on his face, barely even glance towards the screen,and something tells Cat that whoever it is, flying through the sky in red andblue, that it’s not the woman she’s falling in love with.

Her relief fades to panic, because the onlyreason to employ a Supergirl double to convince the city that she’s alive andwell would be if the woman herself wasn’t going to be able to anytime in theforeseeable future.

The thought leaves her cold, and she calls Karaonce more.

It goes straight to voicemail.

//

Later that day when she leaves the office, Cattells her driver to take a detour.

She goes to Kara’s apartment building, rushes outof the car before it’s even fully stopped, all but runs inside and up thestairs, and is out of breath by the time she reaches Kara’s door.

She knocks, but no-one answers.

She waits a few minutes, and when there’s stillno answer she reaches for her purse, grabs a rarely used bobby pin and doessomething she hasn’t done in a long, long time – she picks the lock.

It’s just as easy as she remembers, and sheglances over her shoulder to check there’s no-one watching before she opens thedoor and slips inside.

It’s empty, and it looks like Kara left in a hurrythat morning – there’s a coffee cup waiting to be washed by the sink, anunfolded pair of pyjamas lying on the floor next to an unmade bed, a notebookwith a few hastily scrawled notes lying open on the sofa.

Cat almost expects Kara to come swooping throughthe window at any moment, imagines the confusion that would be on her face atfinding Cat inside her home, the way she’d laugh in delight when she found outthat Cat was an expert when it came to breaking and entering.

It makes her heart ache, and Cat wonders ifshe’ll ever see Kara again and chokes back a sob, tells herself to keep ittogether until she knows for sure how bad things are – vows to find out forherself in the morning.

She takes one last look around the apartmentbefore she leaves, heading back to her own place and the welcome distractionthat she knows Carter will provide.

//

Cat barely sleeps that night, gets to work almostan hour earlier than she normally would, and all but pounces on James Olsenwhen he walks through the door, summoning him into her office with a mere look.

“Everything alright?” He asks, looking wary, andCat scrutinises him for a long moment, trying to gauge his emotions – hedoesn’t look like he’s grieving, and Cat takes some small comfort in that,because it means that Kara must still be alive.

“How is she? Supergirl? After the fightyesterday?”

“Oh.” James looks surprised by the question,blinks a couple of times before he forces a smile. “Well, you saw her dealingwith that robbery last night, she’s fine. That other fight just looked a lotworse than it actually was.” He’s lying, Cat can tell, but she doesn’t call himout on it, lets him think she’s reassured.

“Glad to hear it.” Her smile is tight, and shewonders if he notices. “Do you know what time Kara will be in today? I need totalk to her about something.” She asks because she expects him to tell her thatKara’s called in sick, but she doesn’t get the answer she’s expecting.

“I’m pretty sure she’s already in hernot-so-secret office.” Cat’s heart leaps, but she tries not to show it, simplydismisses James with a nod and waits for him to leave before she makes abeeline for Kara’s office.

Logically, she knows that she’s not going to findwhat she wants there – Kara would have never ignored her calls if there wasnothing wrong – but she can’t stop the bloom of hope that springs up in herchest.

Her heart stutters when she opens Kara’s officedoor and finds her sitting behind her desk, her hair scraped into her signatureponytail and glasses perched on her nose, wearing a blue blouse that Cat’snever seen her in before.

“Kara,” she breathes, taking a hesitant steptowards the other woman and letting the door shut behind her. “You’re okay.”

“Of course I’m okay, Miss Grant. Why wouldn’t Ibe?” The words, along with the little frown of confusion on Kara’s face, arelike a bucket of cold water over her head, draining her hope away because this,this stranger staring at her through Kara’s blue, blue eyes… this isn’t Kara.

This is whatever imposter was flying aroundNational City last night draped in a cape that didn’t belong to them.

This wasn’t herKara.

A look crosses not-Kara’s face that Cat can’tdecipher before it’s smoothed away, and she opens her mouth to say somethingbut Cat cuts her off with a wave of her hand, forcing a smile that she knowsdoesn’t reach her eyes.

“I noticed you weren’t around yesterday afternoon– Snapper said you weren’t feeling well,” Cat lies. “Just wanted to check youweren’t spreading your germs around my bullpen.”

With that Cat turns on her heel and leaves,stalking back to her office and wondering what the hell she’s going to do now.

She checks her phone but Kara still hasn’tcalled, and she’s all set to dust off her investigative skills and find outwhere the mysterious DEO base that Kara’s mentioned a couple of times islocated before Eve waves her down with an emergency at the Tribune that Catcan’t ignore.

She’s just finishing up when a dark shadowappears across her desk, and there’s a pointed barb on her tongue aboutinterrupting her without an appointment that dies on her lips when she glancesup into the face of none other than Alex Danvers.

She looks furious,her jaw tight and her eyes dark and hard, intimidating in her DEO gear andthere’s an FBI badge in her hand that she’d no doubt waved in order to make herway into Cat’s office without being challenged.

Over Alex’s shoulder, Cat sees the Kara imposterhovering in the doorway, and every single pair of eyes in the bullpen lookinginto her office.

Cat supposes that her employees thinking she’sunder investigation from the FBI will be worth it if she finally gets heranswers about Kara.

“Shall we talk somewhere more private?” Catsuggests, and for a moment she thinks Alex is going to disagree before she nodscurtly and motions for Cat to lead the way.

She does, rising to her feet and stepping ontoher balcony, sliding the door firmly shut after Alex and not-Kara follow herout into the warm morning air.

“How long have you been sleeping with my sister?”Alex asks as soon as the door closes, whirling towards Cat in a cloud of angerthat almost makes her take a step back.

“I don’t know what you’re - ”

“Don’t lie to me,” Alex hisses, before shereaches out and presses Cat back against the wall, hard enough to make herwince. Alex leans her weight against her, strong and solid, her eyes wild, andCat thinks she’s probably lucky that there isn’t a hand wrapped around herthroat.

“Alex.” Not-Kara appears at Alex’s elbow, awarning note in her voice and Cat hates it, turns towards the imposter with hermost venomous glare.

“Stop using her voice,” she snaps, words drippingwith poison, and both Alex and the imposter look taken aback. “And her face.You don’t deserve to wear it.”

“Very well.” Alex releases her hold as theimposter steps away, and Cat blinks when Kara’s form transforms into a verydifferent one. “J’onn J’onzz.”

“You were here the night that Livewire attackedme,” Cat remembers. “You’re an alien, too?” He nods. “Are - ”

“You don’t get to ask question when you stillhaven’t answered mine,” Alex interrupts angrily. “You and my sister. How.Long.” The question is spat through gritted teeth, and Cat gets the impressionthat it’s going to take her a very long time to win over the sister.

“A few weeks,” Cat replies, pushing herself awayfrom the wall she’d been backed against and dropping onto one of her outdoorsofas. Alex follows behind her like a shadow, like she’s afraid that Cat issomehow going to disappear.

“And I suppose it was your idea to keep it asecret? Didn’t want anyone finding out you were dipping your pen in the companyink? Dating a lowly reporter?” Alex’s tone is acidic, and Cat wonders just howmany stories Alex had heard from her sister about Cat being an impossible bosswhen Kara was her assistant.

She feels a twinge of regret, like she alwaysdoes whenever she thinks back to those days, but it had been her way of keepingKara at arm’s length, at stopping herself falling too far and doing somethingstupid like jeopardising both of their careers.

And she’s remorseful about their past, has sinceapologised profusely for it, and Kara had forgiven her – she didn’t owe AlexDanvers any of that.

“It was a mutual decision,” Cat replies coldly,staring Alex dead in the eye. “We both decidedto keep things quiet while it was new. Maybe Kara was afraid how herjudgemental sister would react.” Alex’s lips curl into a sneer, and Cat swears that one of her hands jumpstowards the gun at her hip, but the motion’s stopped by J’onn as he settles ahand heavily on Alex’s shoulder.

Cat wonders if he’s holding Alex against the seatso she doesn’t lunge towards her.

“Ladies, I don’t think Kara would be very happyif she knew the two of you were at each other’s throats,” J’onn reasons, andCat feels a flash of guilt as Alex looks contrite. “She’d want you to getalong.”

“Is she still alive?” Cat finally voices thequestion she’s been too scared to ask, and Cat doesn’t take another breathuntil Alex gives a curt nod.

“Barely, but yeah, she’s hanging in there.” Itdoesn’t fill her with as much relief as she’d like, because Kara’s clearly notout of the woods yet, but at least she’s still breathing.

“Can I see her?”

“That depends.” Alex stares at Cat for one longmoment, sizing her up. “You gonna out her as Supergirl?”

“Oh, please,” Cat rolls her eyes. “I’ve known shewas Supergirl since practically the moment she put on that cape. If I didn’texpose her then, I’m sure as hell not going to do it now that I’m dating her.”

“Why not? Dating a superhero’s sure to get you onthe front page, and we all know how much you like the limelight.” She knowsthat Alex is merely pushing for a reaction, but Cat still bristles at thewords.

“Your sister is more important to me than beingon the front page,” Cat scoffs. “And contrary to what you might believe – I’mnot an idiot. I know that dating Supergirl publically would put a target on notonly my back, but my son’s, too. If you don’t believe that I’d do anything toprotect Kara, know that I would do anything to protect him.”

“I believe you,” Alex says, after a few momentsof loaded silence. “But if, for whatever reason, you have a change of heart –you won’t live to regret it.” Alex’s smile is sickly sweet, but Cat knows thatshe means the threat beneath it.

“So can I see her?”

“Come with me.” Cat goes, holding her head uphigh as she goes, whispering to Eve on the way past to cancel everything forthe rest of the day and to tell James that he’s temporarily in charge, andignoring the curious eyes of her employees as she follows Alex to the elevator.

On the street below she’s bundled into the backof a van, and mutters angrily about the indignity of it all as Alex and J’onnsettle in on either side of her, a nameless third agent pulling onto the roadas soon as the door shuts behind them.

“I feel like I’m being kidnapped.”

“Just be glad we didn’t blindfold you,” Alexshoots back, and Cat has to bite her tongue to stop herself snapping at theother woman.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Hasn’t stopped you before,” Alex mutters, and asshe runs a tired hand through her hair Cat gets a glimpse of the woman beneaththe government agent persona she wears like a shield. She sees a woman worriedsick about her little sister, sees a woman who feels like she’s failed her sister, a woman who probablywon’t sleep until Kara wakes up, who resents having to leave Kara’s side tocome and deal with Cat.

“How did you know? That Kara and I weretogether?” She supposes it could have been the dozens of phonecalls, or maybethey knew that Cat had visited Kara’s apartment last night, but it was quite ajump from that to figuring out they were in a relationship.

“He can read minds,” she Alex replies, stabbing athumb in J’onn’s direction, who looks a little sheepish.

“He can what?”Cat interrupts, eyes widening and anger coiling in her stomach. “You read mymind? Without my permission? That’s a gross invasion of privacy, practically a violation how dare you - ”

“In my defence,” J’onn interrupts weakly, puttinghis palms up, “I didn’t mean to. Butyou were projecting your emotions so strongly that it… well, it was impossiblefor me not to catch a glimpse and once I did and learned of your connection toKara… I had to dig a little deeper, find out what you knew. For her protection.”Cat is stunned, feels sick at the thought of someone rooting around in herbrain, rifling through her thoughts, tainting the private memories that she andKara shared. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry.” His voice is soft, and he does look apologetic. “And I’m sorryabout the interrogation, too. I know that you care for her deeply.”

“I just wasn’t so sure,” Alex adds. “I wanted tosee it for myself, see how the woman who treated my little sister like dirt fortwo years could turn into someone she wanted to be with.” Cat winces, but shedoesn’t deny it, knows she can’t.

“And what didyou see?” Cat asks, curious, even though a part of her is afraid of the answer,knows that Alex’s opinion of her will matter, somewhere down the line, even ifKara has forgiven her.

Alex studies Cat for a long moment before shereplies.

“I saw someone trying to pretend that she wasfine, but below the surface was absolutely terrified. I saw someone whocouldn’t sleep last night because she worried about my sister, worried enoughto call her thirty times, who knows her well enough to realise when she’s notherself, who cares about her and would do anything to protect her. And I… I’mglad she has that. So don’t fuck it up.”

“Or I won’t live to see another day?”

“Something like that,” Alex smirks, and Catdoesn’t remember the last time she ever felt intimidated by anyone, but AlexDanvers is getting pretty close.

The car pulls to a stop then, and Cat climbs outinto a parking garage and is quickly led to a nearby elevator.

“Am I allowed to know where I am?”

“Nope.” Alex leans one shoulder against the wallas they whizz up the floors.

“What if I want to visit Kara?”

“I’ll come kidnap you again.”

“How charming.” Out of the corner of her eye, shesees J’onn’s lips twitch in amusement. The elevator doors ding open a momentlater, and Alex grips Cat’s arm and pulls her close.

“If anything about this facility ends up in thenext issue of the Trib - ”

“You’ll make my life a living hell, smother me inmy sleep, yadda yadda yadda,” Cat yanks her arm out of Alex’s grip, and theagent looks impressed by her strength. “I got the memo. I’m here as Kara’sgirlfriend, not a reporter.”

Alex looks pleased by the answer, nods to herselfbefore stepping out onto the bustling floor, and Cat follows close behind her,ignoring the curious looks that get thrown their way.

Cat tries not to look around too much, lest Alexaccuse her of gathering intel, keeps her gaze focused solely on Alex’s back.She’s led through a set of doors and the noise dies down, the air smellingsterile, and she risks a glance around her to see that they’re in what looks tobe a medical bay.

“Kara’s in there.” Alex tilts her head towardsthe door they’re standing in-front of. “Before you go in, you should know… shedoesn’t look great. She’s broken and she’s bruised and she looks worse thanyou’ve ever seen her look before. We’ve got her under a sun lamp to try andhelp her recover, so you can’t really touch her, but you can talk to her, lether know that you’re here. She might be so shocked I let you in that she’ll wakeright up.” Cat manages a faint smile, and Alex reaches out to squeeze her hand.“It looks bad, and it is bad, butshe’s gonna pull through. She’s strong.”

“The strongest person I know.”

“You ready?” Cat nods, and Alex presses the dooropen to let Cat step inside. Her breath catches when she sees Kara, lying stillon the hospital bed within, the only sign that she’s alive the slow rise andfall of her chest and the rhythmic beeping of the machine she’s hooked up to.Even under the yellow light she looks pale and sickly, half her face covered byblack and blue bruises.

“Oh, Kara.” She’s so preoccupied by Kara’s frailform that she doesn’t even notice that there’s another woman in the roomsitting at Kara’s bedside, and as she turns at the sound of the door Catrecognises Kara’s foster mother.  

“Mom, I didn’t realise you were here already.”

“Kal-El came to get me,” Eliza replies, eyeingCat warily. “He just left.”

“You remember Cat Grant, right?” Alex asks,nudging Cat forward.

“Of course I do,” Eliza nods, eyebrows pullinginto a frown. “But that doesn’t explain what she’s doing here.”

“She and Kara are…”

“In a relationship,” Cat supplies, because she’snot entirely sure what Alex is going to end that sentence with. Eliza’s eyeswiden in surprise, and Cat sighs. “This isn’t exactly how I imagined the wholefamily finding out.”

“It’s not how I imagined I’d meet my daughter’sfirst girlfriend, either,” Eliza says, after she’s gotten over the shock. “Butwe can talk later. I’m sure you’d like to spend some time with her.” Cat nods,and Eliza climbs to her feet. “Alex and I will be outside if you need anything.”

The door opens and shuts, and Cat’s left alone,the room silent aside from the machines.

She makes her way over to Kara on unsteady legs,sinks down onto the chair Eliza had just vacated, and lets out a long breath asshe takes in the sight of her half-dead girlfriend.

It’s shocking, to see her like this – Kara isalways so animated, so full of life, always moving even if she was justfiddling with her glasses or her hands.

But now she’s so still, so quiet, so far away from the woman Cat knows that it shakes her tothe core.

She’d known Kara was in a bad way but to see it, to see her like this… it’ssomething else entirely.

Kara’s hand lies outside the glow of the sunlamp, and Cat reaches out to take it between her own, fingers shaking as sheruns her thumb across Kara’s skin.

She’s warm, at least, and the steady beat of herpulse in her wrist reassures Cat that she’s still fighting.

“I don’t ever want you to scare me like thisagain,” Cat tells her, blinking back the tears that threaten to fall. “Do youhear me? You need to be careful,Kara, because I can’t… I can’t lose you. It’s taken us so long to get to wherewe are today, to have that snatched away before we even get started? That’s cruel,Kara. You wouldn’t do that to me, would you? Although I suppose you could say Ideserve it.” She sighs, and squeezes Kara’s hand gently between her own. “ThatI don’t deserve you, because god, Kara, I don’t. You’re a better person than I’llever be, but for some god unknown reason you want me, and I’m not letting yougo.”

Her gaze rests on Kara’s face, her eyes closedand she’d look almost peaceful, if not for the bruises. Cat wants to kiss eachand every one of them away.

“So you’d better come back to me, Kara Zor-El. BecauseI don’t know how to do this without you, not now. Not now that I know what wecould have. That I could fall in love again.” Her voice cracks, and the tearsstart to fall, building faster than she can wipe them away.

It’s unimaginable, the thought of losing her. It’sonly been a few weeks, but it’s been the happiest few weeks of her life, andKara has been a part of her life for so much longer than that, and Cat honestlydoesn’t know what she’d do without her.

She doesn’t ever want to find out.

She sits there a while longer, until the tearshave dried on her cheeks, until she can’t stand to see Kara looking so ill foranother second.

In the hallway outside, Alex is asleep on Eliza’sshoulder, and the elder woman smiles up at Cat as she closes the door to Kara’sroom quietly behind her.

“I hope Alex wasn’t too hard on you earlier,”Eliza whispers. “She’s a little protective of Kara. Always has been.”

“Nothing I couldn’t handle.” Cat’s never beengood at the meet-the-parents stage of a relationship, not when the one sheshares with her own mother is so strained, and she feels uncharacteristicallynervous as Eliza looks up at her. “Could you thank her, when she wakes up? Forbringing me here?”

“Of course.” Cat tucks her hands into the pocketsof her jacket and wonders if she needs an escort to get out of the building aswell as in. “I know we’re not meeting under the best of circumstances, but I’mglad that Kara’s found someone.”

“Even if I’m old enough to be her mother?”

“Age is just a number,” Eliza shrugs, careful notto wake her sleeping daughter. “As long as she’s happy, I’m happy. And I’d loveto have you over for dinner, once she’s feeling better.”

“I’d like that.” Cat manages a small smile at thethought.

“Oh, before I forget, Alex wanted me to give youthese.” Eliza hands Cat a lanyard and a post-it with GPS co-ordinates scribbledon it. “A visitor pass, so you can come and go whenever you please, at leastwhile Kara’s recovering. And the address.” Cat feels a rush of gratitude, feelsmore tears gather in her eyes and blinks them hastily away. “Come back wheneveryou like.”

“Thank you.”

//

Cat visits at least once a day.

Sometimes twice – once in the morning before shegoes to the office, and always after she’s finished for the day. Sometimes shebrings her tablet and carries on working, talking to Kara as she does, drawingcomfort from just being close to her.

Every day, the bruises fade a little more, brokenbones start to set, and pale skin gains a little more colour.

It’s an agonisingly slow recovery for someone whoshould be unbreakable, but at least she’s getting better.

That’s what Cat tells herself, anyway, when the tearsthreaten to overwhelm her as she looks down at Kara’s motionless body.

That with every passing day, Kara grows stronger,heals more, and is one step closer to opening her eyes.

It takes nearly two weeks, but eventually ithappens.

It’s two a.m., and Cat’s in a fitful sleep (she hasn’tslept through the night since the day Kara fell from the sky, sees it everynight in her dreams, knows she won’t be able to truly rest until the otherwoman is curled up in bed beside her) when her phone rings.

She groans as she runs a hand over her face,reaching for her phone and looking at the screen with bleary eyes.

When she sees that it’s Alex calling she sitsbolt upright in bed, because Alex wouldn’t call unless it was serious, unlesssomething was wrong, and no, no, no,it’s not possible for Kara to slip away in the middle of the night, not aftershe’d spent so long fighting against it.

“Alex?” Cat’s voice is strangled, tight withworry. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Cat.” Cat hears the sheerrelief in the other woman’s voice, the underlying note of happiness, and forthe first time in days, feels a twinge of hope. “She’s awake.” Cat presses a hand against her lips to smother asob, overwhelmed by the flood of emotion that rushes through her at the words. “And she’s asking for you.”

“I’m on my way.”

“I already sent a car for you,” Alex says, and Cat isfilled with gratitude for the other woman – they’d spent a lot of time togetherover the last two weeks, and had formed an unlikely almost-friendship over thehours spent at Kara’s beside. “It shouldbe there in a couple of minutes.”

“Thank you.” She pulls on the first clothes shecan find, puts on the minimum amount of makeup she feels comfortable leavingthe house in and runs a brush through her tangled hair before dashing for theelevator.

It takes what feels like an eternity to arrive,and the wait as it descends, floors ticking by one by one, is unbearable.

The car isn’t there when she reaches thesidewalk, and she taps her foot impatiently as she waits, barely letting itpull over before she’s tugging at the door.

It isn’t a long drive to the DEO’s city headquarters,but it feels like forever, and Cat is practically vibrating with the need tomove by the time they get there, rushes away as soon as they’ve come to a stop.

She’s breathless by the time she reaches Kara’sroom, steps through the open door and the only thing she sees is blue, blueeyes that crinkle in the corners when she meets Cat’s gaze, Kara’s smile sowide and so bright and so alive thatCat nearly starts crying again.

Instead she flings herself at Kara, ignoring theother people in the room (Alex and Eliza and J’onn), wrapping her in a hug andburying her face in Kara’s shoulder.

“Ouch,” Kara says but she’s laughing, and herarms wrap around Cat’s back to bring her close. “Kinda fragile here, you know.”

“Sorry,” Cat replies, even though she’s anythingbut, and she leans back and cups Kara’s cheek, eyes scanning across her faceand assessing the damage.

Kara looks surprisingly chipper for someone who’sbeen in a coma for two weeks, her cheeks red and her eyes bright, and Cat’sfilled with more relief than she knows what to do with.

“I’m so happy you’re alive,” she whispers, thumbtracing Kara’s cheekbone, “but if you ever do anything like that to me again I’mgoing to kill you.” Kara grins, and it’s so beautiful that it makes Cat’s heartache, and she knows that she’d missed Kara but she had no idea how much, not until she had Kara in her armsagain, so soft but strong and awake.

“I’m not planning on it,” Kara tells her, armstill slung around Cat’s back, keeping her close. “Trust me. I feel like I gothit by a train.”

“Actually,” Alex pipes up, arms folded across herchest as she leans her hip against Kara’s bed, looking more relaxed than Cathas ever seen her, “judging from the extent of your injuries, you probably gothit by the equivalent of about ten trains.”

“Gee, thanks, Alex.”

“You’re welcome.”

“There’s no lasting damage, is there?” Cat asks,because she knew they were waiting for Kara to wake up before they could reallyassess her injuries.

“Doesn’t seem to be,” Alex answers. “We won’t knowfor sure for another couple of days, but for now things are looking good.” Alexreaches out to squeeze Kara’s leg. “You were lucky.”

“None of you are ever going to let me out in thefield again, are you?”

“Not until you’re healed,” they all say at the sametime, and it’s the first time Cat has heard laughter echo around this room.

“Besides, J’onn’s loving putting on a skirt andflying around the city, aren’t you, J’onn?” He looks thoroughly unimpressed byAlex’s teasing. “See, look at that face. Loves it.”

“Did it haveto be a skirt, Kara?” He asks with a sigh. “Why couldn’t it be pants?”

“Hey, take it up with Winn, not me. He designedit.” J’onn grumbles to himself before making his excuses to leave, biding themall goodnight as he goes.

“We should probably get some rest too, Mom,” Alexsays when he’s gone. “Give these two some time to catch up.”

When they’re alone, Kara shifts in the bed sothere’s space beside her, tugs at Cat until she’s lying carefully next to her.Cat rests her head on Kara’s chest and wraps an arm around her waist, justbreathing her in, and doesn’t realise she’s crying until Kara gently tilts herhead up and swipes away her tears with her thumb.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I’m just… I can’t believe you’re awake.” Shesniffs, and hopes Kara doesn’t think she’s pathetic. “I really thought I wasgoing to lose you.”

“But you didn’t,” Kara is quick to reassure her,taking one of Cat’s hands and resting it over her heart. “See? Still here. Notgoing anywhere if it involves being away from you.” Kara’s heartbeat is steady,familiar, and Cat draws comfort from it.

“Are you in pain?”

“Only a little. It’s not so bad.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“Having you here makes it better.” Kara pulls Catclose, presses a kiss against her lips that’s achingly gentle. “Can you stay?”

“If you want me to.”

“Carter?”

“He’s at his father’s.” Kara hums, and Cat shiftsso that they’re face to face, pressing her forehead against Kara’s.

“Speaking of family…” Kara trails off, and Cathears her swallow. “You met my sister and my foster Mom like, officially? Howwas that? Cause I know we were supposed to be taking things slow, and no-onewas supposed to know, and I guess I messed that up, but – why are you smilingat me like that?”

“Because I’ve missed this.”

“Missed what?”

“Your nervous rambling.” Kara pouts, and Catwipes it away with a kiss. “Your sister threatened to murder me if I ever hurtyou, but aside from that, it was fine. I think we’re friends now. And Elizawants to have me over for dinner.”

“So you charmed the whole family, huh?”

“I am verycharming.” Kara grins before kissing her again until they’re both breathless. Whenthey part Kara’s eyes stay closed, and Cat pokes her in the side until sheopens them. “You have been asleep for two weeks – you can’t seriously be tired.”

“I need to rest!” Kara protests, and Cat laughsas she settles down beside her. “And so do you. Alex told me you’ve beenworried sick about me, hardly sleeping.”

“I couldn’t stop seeing it, whenever I closed myeyes. You falling.”

“But I’m okay. I’m okay, and I’m right here.” Karashifts, pushing at Cat’s hip until she rolls over before pulling Cat’s backagainst her chest and slinging an arm around her waist to hold her close. “I’mnot going anywhere,” she says it again, with a soft kiss to Cat’s shoulder. “Ipromise.” Kara’s breath is warm against her ear, soft and even, and Cat canfeel the other woman’s heartbeat against her back, strong and steady, and she closesher eyes.

There, in that tiny hospital bed with the lumpymattress, wrapped Kara’s arms, Cat has the best night’s sleep she can rememberhaving in a long, long time.

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam Italia episode 7 reaction

Edoardo: looking good just by comparison.

Clip 1 - A sandwich and a spoon

This is not a substantial comment but Silvia’s sandwich made me hungry.

So Silvia made out with the famous Rocco Martucci? That was the guy eyeballing her? I guess since we got a visual, he can’t be Italian Julian Dahl.

If I didn’t know better from having seen where the storyline goes, I’d say Silvia does a fairly convincing job of acting like she doesn’t care about Edoardo. You know, except for the part where she’s already making travel plans to accompany them on their vacation.

Lmao, Silvia and Eleonora allowed this spoon sucking to go on when Martino was right there in their faces. I appreciated how awkward this scenario was and that like, none of them attempted to make small talk to distract from Fede’s innuendo.

Clip 2 - Skate park

That skate park looks fun. It kinda looks like a swimming pool that was converted into something else, based on the colors, but I’m assuming it was always a skate park. But on that note, the visuals and colors of Skam Italia are usually great. I’m not going to do an in-depth analysis at the moment but it seems like the majority of scenes are very warm with a lot of brown/orange/yellow, and sometimes they do a scene that sticks out to me because it’s so cool and blue. It’s all rather striking. And of all the remakes, this one is making the most of its setting (Skam Austin is doing some things with the city but I feel way more of a sense of place in Skam Italia than Druck or Skam France).

I like when the Isak character prods Eva a little to tell him what’s up, since I think it fits what Isak is about to do to her in a few scenes, and because I always wonder why Eva didn’t just tell Noora if she was feel guilty - it helps to have the prompt from Isak to get out her confession. That being said, Eva and Martino’s relationship has been established as close and comfortable on its own merits that I can certainly buy Eva opening up to him. They’ve put in the work to make them have a rapport.

Lmao, Martino making that hand motion about Fede and her spoon. Thanks for the S3 teaser!

Tiny thing but when Eva swallows out of anxiety, you can see Martino half out of frame swallow right after she does, like he’s got some conflict on his own. That might not even be a conscious choice but it’s a good acting detail nonetheless. I think I mentioned previously that these actors have known each other for years and it’s stuff like that, the mimicry and feeding off each other, which makes the chemistry more convincing.

Yeah, this is my favorite Eva-Isak friendship after the original by far, so it’s really going to sting when the reveal happens.

Clip 3 - The wall

I’m glad that Eleonora checked in whether Edoardo wrote back to Silvia before she snapped her back to reality. You know, just in case he did.

Also in this scene Silvia still seems stuck in Edoardoland and firmly convinced that he’s into her, whereas I remember Vilde seeming a little deflated and knowing that Noora would not approve of her talking about William when she entered the scene. She’s pretty good at putting up a confident front when she needs to.

I think Silvia’s hooking up with Rocco Martucci was a misguided attempt to make Edoardo jealous and get him back, which is too bad. I wish she was legit trying to have fun or move on. I know for plot reasons that’s not how it goes, but still.

Both Eleonora and Eva were very sweet to Silvia and not too harsh or judgmental.

I really love making it into a wall of conquests instead of the sweatshirts, and I appreciate that Silvia gets to save face a little bit since the sweatshirt is a public “I fucked Edoardo” marker but the wall gets to preserve her anonymity and (some of) her dignity while still communicating that the boys think of the girls as trophies. But I almost hate it, because now I need that scene where the girls paint over or draw or deface the wall in some way, and I don’t think I’ll get it. Give me that thing, Skam Italia! 

For a minute I thought Eva was going to pull out a marker or something and draw over the chart. 

Based off the wall, Rocco Martucci sure has been busy.

Clip 4 - Eva on the phone with “mom”

Federico roleplaying as Eva’s mom toward the end of that phone conversation … I’ve never been a huge fan of P-Chris or any version of this character but this is a detail I often forget and I have no idea why, it’s one of the best things he ever did.

Gio deserves all the roasting he can get about his weed use. It’s nice that he’s being honest about having weed on him, but like … she’s made it clear he behaves like an asshole when he’s high, and that this isn’t some vague ideological problem for her but something based on his past behavior. So some of the banter is cute and all but him offering her some pot, even in a joking way, annoys me more than it should with this dynamic in mind. Dammit, Gio.

Clip 5 - Eleonora goes in on Edoardo

Silvia opening with some random mundane topics was kind of cute - either a bit clueless and rambling, much like her many many texts to the girls, or you can also take away that she was building up to the big news and trying to psych herself up.

I’m glad Eva called Sana on the dignity comment since that always seemed like one of the least necessary Sana comments about Vilde, particularly in this context, and probably just egged her on to confront him.

Silvia didn’t need any convincing from the girls whereas Noora was encouraging Vilde in the other versions. Silvia is dead set on it.

I like how they built up to it with the catchy music that cuts out as Edoardo bursts Silvia’s confidence bubble.

Sooo … Edoardo is still a dick, but maybe less of a dick that William? Who knew?

He still does the fake forgetting Silvia’s name, and his comment about the wall is outright lying but not as personal of an attack. He does laugh more at her which is a dick move, especially in front of his crew. However, he doesn’t tell her she isn’t worth it.

“What were you doing behind the boys’ toilets?” I’m assuming he’s insinuating that she’s a slut? That’s horrible and Edoardo is a creep, but I also have less of a fuuuuuuck youuuuuuu feeling toward him. Because the whole thing about Vilde not being worth it/not being pretty enough plays directly into Vilde’s worst insecurities and body image. And we’ve seen that Silvia has the body image issues as evidenced by her picking at her sandwich. I’m not positive that Silvia has the same hangups about being labeled a slut? She has the hesitation to go upstairs with Eduardo and you could interpret that as fear of her reputation, but she’s also down to make out with Rocco Martucci and stresses that she wanted to.

So while I want to make it clear, Edoardo is being an asshole, and being called a slut is hurtful and misogynistic … I actually will find this easier to forgive than William’s comments. I mean it mostly depends on how Edoardo reacts in future episodes, whether he regrets it or not, how it all plays out, but so far he doesn’t have as high of a hurdle in getting me to like him. Like how is Edoardo going to justify his comments the same way in S2 when Eleonora calls him on it? It’s not the same context. (And again: NOT excusing slut-shaming but I think there may be a difference in terms of how someone with poor self-image might perceive this comment, because “slut” is an insult dependent on behavior, vs. telling someone they aren’t pretty enough which is perceived as a more inherent, unchangeable characteristic. But again, William’s comment directly feeds into Vilde’s ED; how will Edoardo’s comment affect Silvia on a similar level? “Slut” doesn’t have much to do with an ED, at least not in an obvious way.)

Lmao, I feel kinda gross writing anything vaguely positive about Edoardo in this scene, since “not as much of a dick as he could have been” is not a ringing endorsement, but since this incident is a huge roadblock in me liking William in the original version, it’s worth talking about.  

This was also the best version of this roasting in the remakes. Eleonora has the attitude to back up her comments, and Edoardo has some personality in how he responds to her. 

Love that Eleonora got in her comment about his stupid hair as a last dig, but also, Edoardo has the best hair of any of the Williams, IMO.

Clip 6 - Fight

Gio opens his mouth so much for the kisses, damn. I’m not knocking him, I would rather see enthusiastic kisses than a bunch of pathetic pecks, but the dude is like Pac-Man.

Um that bit about the teacher siding with Alice over Federico and making him run laps is really funny, but you can see why it would alarm Eva, because she realizes she’s on the side of the bad guy in this situation. Would the teacher side with Alice against Eva, too?

The fight was brutal! All the girls jumped in to protect Eva. Sana went in with the dictionary, Silvia with the backpack. Eleonora is straight-up snarling by the end. Eva wasn’t even fighting after a certain point, just standing back as her girls defended her. The most heartwarming brawl of all time.

General Comments:

How does Skam Italia have the worst Jonas (outside of Marlon from Skam Austin) and the best William? How?

Listen, I am really not expecting to love Eleonora/Edoardo or Edoardo himself. It’s not a relationship type I’m fond of, he’s not a character archetype I enjoy. But if they can eliminate the worst of his behavior and modify certain actions ... then I can be fine with him and with the ship. I am being very, very hesitant to assume Skam Italia will make enough radical changes just because they did a few things that weren’t as bad; however, I am willing to give it a chance. 

It’s kind of funny because there was a rumor going around that they’ll jump to Martino’s story in S2 instead of Eleonora’s and lmao, not sure how legit that is but of course they would do it for the one remake where I hate the William the least. Not that I’m objecting to the gay storyline getting the spotlight sooner, though I do wonder how they will adapt certain plot elements without the buildup (Eskild’s S2 introduction, Isak’s background storyline of dating Sara and living in the basement).

Skam Italia seems by far the most popular and well-liked of the European remakes, which I can quite understand. Skam France is too much of a copy without much of an individual personality and Druck, though I’ve liked many of the scenes and characters, has a lot of hiccups in terms of production and updates, which is unfortunately turning people off and making the show less accessible. Not to repeat myself too much but: I have some big gripes about Skam Italia but it’s for the most part consistent, is nicely made with beautiful locations and nice cinematography, and has integrated the local culture well, putting its own spin on the material and not being a direct copy. None of the actors have really wowed me so far but there are some likable personalities in the bunch. My hope is that they will keep it up and either improve on the Eleonora/Edoardo relationship, or do a respectful job of Martino’s story, depending on what S2 is. (Even though I don’t want them to attempt Evak 2.0 at all ... but that’s a larger topic.)

I’m not Italian so if I misunderstood or missed something, feel free to correct me. 

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

[themostrandomfandom]

Hey JJ, I was wondering what is your opinion on Klaine and the relationship between them and Brittana. Also I have a friend whose really obsessed with you and your blog and she reads it religiously so that must mean that your stuff is good ;) hope your day is going well :)))

Hey, @ruskinino​!

First off, thank you forthe sweet message. Sorry it has taken me so long to post a reply.

Second, in response to yourquestion:

While both TPTB at Glee and fanon might like toimagine a close and straightforwardly friendly bond between Brittana andKlaine, I think that, in reality, things are much more complicated, and,unfortunately, less positive. 

The two couples don’t hate each other, but thereis certainly a degree of caution in the way they interact, with both sides having been burned in the past.

We can break the issues down after the cut.

WARNING: I am writing this response as a fan of Brittany Pierceand Santana Lopez and a Brittana shipper. Though my intention isn’t to bashKurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson, or Klaine, there are elements of my analysis thatare critical of their behavior and which discuss some negative views which I believethat Brittany and Santana hold towards them. If you ship Klaine, proceedcautiously. What follows probably won’t be your cup of tea.   

___

Brittana, Klaine, and Glee’s Writing

First, let’s talk aboutBrittana and Klaine on a production level.

In terms of Glee marketing,Brittana and Klaine were very important. For a show that prided itself on itsdiversity and forward-thinkingness, having two same-sex teen couples at itsfront and center was a big deal. While a lot of the critical praise for Gleedied off before the first season had even ended, the show continued toaccumulate awards from GLAAD, the Trevor Project, and other LGBTQ organizationsthroughout its run thanks, in no small part, to Brittana and Klaine’sprominence.

For PR purposes, Brittanaand Klaine were often paired together in promotional materials and paralleledin episode structures. RIB loved putting them side by side because when they did,it got everyone’s attention. If having one same-sex couple getmarried on TV was a huge thing, then having two same-sex couples get married onTV at the same time was an even huger one. It was all about doubling up, and thepowers that be at Glee took the opportunity to put two and twotogether when they could.

That said, Brittana +Klaine was often better executed in idea than in practice.

The truth is that asidefrom being LGBTQ and participating in show choir, Brittana and Klaine were twovery different couples, and Brittany, Santana, Kurt, and Blaine were four verydifferent characters. While in theory there exists a fictional universe wherethey all (or at least most of them) could have been friends—a point which manyexcellent fanfics well prove—the canon Gleeverse wasn’t it, mostly because thewriters never put in the work to really establish those interpersonal dynamics.

Brittana and Klaineran in the same circles and frequently orbited around one another in terms oftheir storylines and character development, but the narration never truly allowedthem to get to know one another or to form stable bonds.

Despite various comingstogether, at the end of six seasons, shared wedding notwithstanding, one nevergot the sense that Brittana and Klaine were actually very good friends. Sure,they didn’t hate one another, but there was also no deep love between them.Klaine were still questioning Brittana’s motives. Brittana were still mockingKlaine’s clothing, mannerisms, and relationship status.

Glee had failed to provethat these kids actually liked and related to one another on any special level.It was just another instance in which Glee kept trying to tell us that thesecharacters were friends, but they never showed us that such was the case (see here).

For as much as fanon lovesto imagine what might have been, canon shows us a much more convoluted—and muchless pretty—picture, one in which, due to a history of bullying and hijinks,Klaine never got comfortable enough to drop their guards around Brittana, andso, after years of repeated rebuffs and rejections, Brittana eventually grewfrustrated with Klaine’s distrust of them and emotionally disengaged.

So now let’s talk aboutthese relationships “in universe.”   

Kurt and Brittany

The truth is that KurtHummel, like most of the characters on Glee, never really gets Brittany Pierce,and his view of her doesn’t change much between S1 and S6 (see here).

To Kurt, Brittany is simpleand strange—“a girl who thinks the square root of four is rainbows” and talks openlyand unironically about unicorns.

He tends to accept what hesees from her at face value, buying into the early stereotype she perpetuatesfor herself, namely that she is slutty and dumb, in some ways unaccountable forher own actions because she doesn’t understand what she is doing (see here).

Because Kurt’s initialimpression of Brittany is that there is not much to her, he never really thinksto look at what might be going on beneath her surface, and his opinion on hercharacter remains generally static. Consequently, he has trouble comprehendingher more nuanced behaviors, and he oftentimes patently misunderstands herbecause he is unaware of what her true motivations are and where her emotionalstakes lie.

Initially, the fact that Brittanyis one of the most popular girls in school is somewhat intimidating to Kurt, andespecially because she and the rest of the Unholy Trinity don’t mesh well withthe New Directions. For a long time, he doesn’t understand Brittany’smotivations for joining the glee club and so doesn’t entirely trust her. Whenshe is revealed as a spy in episode 1x13, he feels his distrust of her hasbeen validated (“You leaked the set list! You don’t want to behere. You were just Sue Sylvester’s little moles!”).It is well into S2 before he begins to trust that Brittany really wants to bepart of the glee club and that she isn’t just out for herself.

As time goes on andBrittany becomes more integrated into the group, Kurt tries to be nice to her inthe same way that people try to be nice to infants and pets, but oftentimes hispatience with her shenanigans wears thin, which is something that we see fromhim both when she serves as his beard in episode 1x18 and when she becomes his presidentialcampaign manager in episode 3x02.

When the things she saysbaffle him or when her behavior comes across to him as particularly nonsensical,Kurt has a tendency to snap at Brittany and drive her away. Lack ofunderstanding and patience for Brittany notwithstanding, Kurt does seem togenerally like her and is sometimes even protective of her. If asked, he wouldprobably say that he considers Brittany a friend, albeit not his closest one. Attimes, he even calls her by an affectionate short name, “Britt.”

Kurt and Santana

Kurt’s dynamic with Santanaover the years is similar to his dynamic with Brittany, in that it is alsopredicated on an initial poor first impression and the inability to advance thoseinitial views, even given an accumulation of new evidence.

To Kurt, Santana is thequintessential mean girl, motivated largely by malevolence and spite.

When she initially joinsglee club, he doubts her loyalties, just as he does Brittany’s. However,whereas the biggest fault he finds with Brittany is that, in his view, she isstupid and has a bad taste in friends, with Santana, he finds that she isvicious and even dangerous, particularly as she has a tendency to makehomophobic comments towards him (K: “Can we talk about the giant elephant inthe room?” S: “Your sexuality?”).

While there is some debateas to whether or not Kurt realizes that Santana is gay prior to her S3 outing, thefact is that, no matter what he knows or doesn’t know, he remains fairly alooffrom her throughout S1 and S2, and, in the few instances when they do interact,he is openly wary of her intentions.

In his mind, Santana isinherently selfish, so the idea that she would put herself on the line forsomeone else without expecting anything in return just doesn’t add up to him. Why does she protect him from Dave Karofsky? How come she goes out of her way to get him back to WMHS from Dalton? What gives with her suddenly using her prom queen campaign to protect him when for the lastseveral years she has taken every opportunity to bully him for being gay?

His cautious attitude towardsher continues into S3, when he doesn’t know exactly what to make of herattempts to be nice to him and behaves towards her as one might a cat that hadpreviously attacked him but is now purring. Though after her outing, he has abetter idea of why she does some of the things she does—such as going with him,Blaine, and Brittany to confront Sebastian Smythe after Dave Karofsky’s suicideattempt—much of her behavior still remains a mystery in his mind.

Why, for instance, does shenot appreciate his and Blaine’s attempts to serenade her during Lady MusicWeek?

In S4, when Santana becomeshis roommate in NYC, Kurt finds her behavior invasive and at times infuriating,though he generally gets along with her better than Rachel does.

In S5, he feels forced to choosebetween his loyalties to Santana and his loyalties to Rachel, and he inevitablychooses the latter.

In S6, he regards Santanaas a friend, though he still struggles to reconcile her behavior with what hethinks he knows about her basic motivations, which is why it so surprises himwhen she seemingly “out of the blue” decides to share her wedding day with himand Blaine.

As I discuss elsewhere,

Santana spends much of S1 and S2 making homophobic comments aboutKurt, so, to him, Santana is a mean girl, and he never really allows her togrow out of that role in his eyes. 

Though in later seasons she becomes his roommate and tries tobecome his friend, he always keeps her at arm’s length and will side withRachel over her in a heartbeat, even in situations where Rachel is in thewrong. 

At best, Santana is his fun, bitchy lesbian acquaintance. Atworst, she is his caustic, bitchy lesbian acquaintance. 

He seems convinced that she is an awful person who sometimesmasquerades as a sweetheart rather than a sweetheart who sometimes masqueradesas an awful person, and he treats her accordingly, for the most part—though, infairness, he seems somewhat more amiable toward Santana than is Rachel, on thewhole.

Kurtand Brittana

As stated above, Kurt’sopinions of both Brittany and Santana remain fairly static throughout theentire series. When he first gets to know Brittana, he observes that Brittanyis a ditz and Santana is a bully, and his views on them don’t much change overthe course of the next six years.

If he encounters behavior fromthem which deviates from what he thinks he knows about their characters, then hecounts that behavior as aberrant and doesn’t shift his schema to allow for thenew evidence.

In other words, if Brittanydoes something undeniably clever, then he is likely to suppose it was anaccident—an exception rather than the rule. Ditto for if Santana does somethingcertifiably nice. 

By S6, he knows enough torealize that, generally speaking, he and Brittana are on the same side.However, he continues to doubt their intentions, and, even up to the pointwhere they are graciously sharing their wedding day with him and Blaine, hestill questions their characters, failing to understand that they have grownand changed a lot since they were fifteen years old.

Overall, he does notunderstand Brittana’s dynamic. He either assumes that they function like he andBlaine do (see episode 6x03)—which they don’t—or else just plain fails to wraphis head around how they behave and what they feel for each other,underestimating the strength and depth of their bond. At his core, he can’t seewhat they see in each other. Why would someone like Brittany want to be withsomeone like Santana? Why would someone like Santana want to be with someonelike Brittany? What do they have in common? How do they make things work?

Brittana really are amystery to Kurt, but one he doesn’t spend too much time trying to unravel.

The fact that he soadamantly opposes their engagement even after six years of knowing them showsthat he doesn’t really get what they’re all about because, if he did, he wouldrealize that through all the ups and downs and changes with them throughout thetime that he has known them, they’ve always been each other’s only constant,and their bond with each other is strong, deep, and mature.

Brittany and Kurt

In S1, Brittany primarilyseems to pity Kurt Hummel—and especially because she very much understands hisunderlying motivations at that time.

Brittany is out long beforeKurt is, and she seemingly never wrestles with her own sense of identity in theway that Kurt does (see here).However, she does still feel for Kurt, and particularly as she recognizes thathe and Santana are essentially in the same boat. 

Though at this point in theshow, few people would see similarities between an unpopular, virginal gaychoir boy and a popular, slutty “straight” cheerleader, Brittany knowsthat Kurt and Santana actually share much in common, albeit below thesurface. 

Both Kurt and Santana carrya secret that that they’re desperately trying to suppress. Both Kurt andSantana worry that if they are honest about their identities, they will losethe love of their family members. Both Kurt and Santana perform socialgymnastics in order to maintain a sense of equilibrium in their lives, tryingdesperately to balance who they really are with who they think they need to bein order to survive.

Brittany is aware longbefore Santana says it out loud that Santana looks to Kurt as thequintessential canary down the mineshaft and that anything she sees happeningto him, she fears will also happen to her. Whenever Kurt faces homophobia orsuffers a setback as he negotiates his outness, Santana takes note, andBrittany, by extension, does, too.

In my view, that is why throughout S1 we see several instancesin which Brittany helps Kurt to interact with his father on his own terms, suchas in episode 1x04, when she and Tina convince Burt that Kurt is on thefootball team so that Kurt can save face (see here),and in episode 1x18, when she acts as Kurt’s beard so that Kurt can prove toBurt that he is “straight” (see here).

At this point in herdevelopment, Brittany is still very much in the business of helping Santana tomaintain the illusion of their straightness, and she essentially does the samething for Kurt. While she may not personally feel the need to hide her same-sexattractions, she knows that Kurt and Santana do, and she doesn’t hesitate toplay along in their schemes to convince the world that they are “outstandingheterosexuals,” no matter how overblown and ineffectual said schemes may be.

It is only as Brittanystarts to change how she relates to Santana during S2 that her relationshipwith Kurt also changes, and she becomes less about trying to help him obfuscate his true self and more about helping him to celebrate it.

Nowhere is this attitudefrom her more apparent than in episode 2x20, when she acknowledges how strongKurt has to be in order to be himself and encourages Santana to stand by him inhis time of trouble (“Go back out there and be there for Kurt. This is gonna bea lot harder for him than it is for you”).

While there is an element of self-service to Brittany’s actionsin this situation—Santana helping Kurt to feel comfortable with himself in turnhelps Santana to feel comfortable with herself, and a comfortable Santana isone who will be able to date Brittany—there is also some genuine pride andappreciation underlying them.

Brittany is glad that Kurt has gone from being someone who wouldlie to his father about having a girlfriend to being someone who can takeownership of a shitty situation by saying, “I’m proud to be who I am.” She seesthe progress he has made, and she applauds his real bravado.

Though she hasn’t said so out loud, to this point in the show,Brittany has considered herself to be in a position to “help Kurt up.” While hehas struggled to accept himself and later to forge his identity as an out gaykid at a conservative school, Brittany has already been there, and she has beenquietly watching him, lending him help when she can, and rooting for him fromthe sidelines.

Come S3, she feels that Kurt has finally peaked and that theyare now on equal footing in terms of being comfortable in their own skins.

That’s why she turns to him as an ally in her quest to make WMHSa safe place for other, potentially still-closeted LGBTQ kids, includingSantana—because she assumes that she and Kurt are both in a position to helpothers reach the point they’ve gotten to and that they’re on the same pageabout the importance of activism in their community (see here).

Her assumption is a mistake not because Kurt doesn’t care aboutLGBTQ causes but because he doesn’t understand her and her motivations.

For one thing, like most people at the school, Kurt doesn’t seemto think of Brittany as bisexual, her openness concerning her orientationnotwithstanding (see hereand here).Particularly given that Brittany and Santana are not yet openly dating at thetime when episode 3x02 takes place, Kurt doesn’t get that Brittany has theproverbial dog in this fight. In his mind, she is an ally at best, so it’s nother personal safety, comfort, and wellbeing that are going on the line in thiscampaign, just his. He is the out gay kid, so he’s the one that will have to facethe backlash, not Brittany, who, according to his understanding, is ostensiblystraight.

For another thing, because Kurt views Brittany as naïve, he believesthat she is wildly oversimplifying the matter at hand and that she doesn’tunderstand the grander implications of her own actions. He assumes that shethinks that running a campaign of this nature will be easy and that no one willpush back against it because her world is all rainbows, puppies, andbutterflies. He doesn’t realize that Brittany has been watching how peoplereact to him for as long as they’ve known each other. He also doesn’t get thatshe is smart enough to know what happens to anyone who dares to be toodifferent at their school.

While Kurt is finally to the place where he is comfortableclaiming his identity as a gay man and publicly being in a relationship withBlaine, he isn’t eager to become the face of the gay rights movement atWMHS—and especially not after being driven to Dalton the year before. The waypeople react to him is different than the way people react to Brittany andalways has been. While she may be comfortable associating herself with ProjectUnicorn, he isn’t, and so he and Brittany butt heads.

Whereas in the past when Kurt has snapped at Brittany (see episodes1x18 and 2x02), Brittany has typically backed off and done as Kurt says, in S3,Brittany actually stands up to Kurt, and the fact that she does so isreflective of her own personal growth during the Back Six of S2.

That said, it is also reflective of her changed view of Kurt nowthat he is out and more at ease in his own skin. In the past, Brittany viewedKurt as delicate, so she was all about being gentle with him and going alongwith things at his pace so as not to spook him. Now she knows that he isconfident in himself and that he can handle tough love. In her mind, that meansthat she can take the kiddie gloves off with him. So she does.

When Kurt says he doesn’t want her to run his campaign for thesenior class presidency, Brittany comes back swinging. Though she initiallyshows shock and disappointment about his decision, after a pep talk fromSantana, she tells Kurt that she is going to continue the campaign without him,becoming a candidate herself. While she isn’t mean about what she says, she isfirm, and she doesn’t back down.

This action represents a major shift in the way Brittany relatesto Kurt. No longer does she pity him or look at him as someone she has to baby.

—and that point is important, because going forward into S3,Brittany really seems to take off her rose-tinted glasses when it comes toKurt and how he treats her.

Brittany has always been aware that everyone aside from Santanathinks she’s stupid. Some people are meaner about it, like Finn, while somepeople are nicer about it, like Mercedes. It’s the difference between outrightdisdain and condescension versus “being too gentle” with her. Kurt was alwayson the nicer end of the continuum. Brittany knew he didn’t think of her as anintellectual equal, but she was willing to let it slide because at least mostof the time he was kind.

But as their political campaign heats up, Kurt starts to getannoyed with Brittany’s antics—and particularly as she gains over him in thepolls—and his interactions with her become noticeably harsher. Whereas beforehe always at least tried to hide the fact that he thought she was as dumb as abox of rocks, now he is much more open in his patronization, and Brittany isn’thaving it (see episode 3x03).

Between the disrespect he shows Brittany as a political rivaland his participation in Santana’s humiliating public outing experience (seeepisode 3x07), Brittany starts to get a bit passive aggressive towards Kurt. Ofcourse, it’s not that she outright hates the kid—she still likes him wellenough—it’s just that she is no longer giving him a free pass in how he treatsother people.    

That attitude is the one she carries into S4 and S5, as Kurtgraduates and moves to New York, where Santana eventually becomes his roommate.While Brittany doesn’t have much direct contact with Kurt during this time, shehears through the grapevine about how he is treating her girl, and, honestly,the reports leave her troubled.

That Rachel and Kurt would kick Santana out of first the Loftand later Pamela Lansbury when Santana wants nothing more than to be theirfriends doesn’t sit well with Brittany. That Santana always seems to have tobeg for Hummelberry’s acceptance and friendship even though she freely givesthose things to them hurts Brittany’s heart.

In episodes 5x12 and 5x13 especially, Brittany sees just howmuch of a toll it has taken on Santana to constantly have to be on her guardaround Hummelberry, and she feels frustrated because things didn’t have to bethat way.

If Kurt had just dropped his guard, Santana would have been hisfriend to the end. Couldn’t he see?

Again, Brittany doesn’t hate Kurt for his behavior, but she alsodoesn’t entirely excuse it. In her mind, Kurt can be a nice guy when doesn’thave his head up his ass. It’s just that Kurt does have his head up his ass alot, and particularly when he is caught up in the constant drama that seems tosurround Rachel and Blaine.

Honestly, Brittany is never a big fan of Blaine, a point whichwe’ll discuss in more detail later. 

Come S6 when Brittany starts interacting with Kurt on theregular again, her m.o. seems to be that she wants to remind him to be true tohimself and to heed his better impulses. She goes about doing so by behavingpassive-aggressively towards Kurt when he fails to toe the line (see episode6x02) and calling him out when he crosses it (see episode 6x03). Throughoutthis season, we see her use more tricksy troll!Brittany behavior on him thanshe ever has before, usually with the intent to take him down a peg or two whenshe believes he is getting too full of himself (see here).

At this point, Brittany knows that Kurt will probably neverfully get her and Santana and that their relationship will never be superclose, even given their shared history at WMHS. Still, she wants to be ondecent terms with him, and she wants him to show her and Santana basic respect,even if he doesn’t understand them or their dynamic at all.

As for Brittany’s push to share her wedding with Kurt andBlaine, suffice it to say that there’s a lot more to that story than meets theeye, and, despite what she professes, Brittany is no Klaine shipper (see here).Brittany has her eye on a prize in that situation, and Kurt is just in thedetails. She is on her way to a happy ending, and if she has to let him mooch herwedding venue to do so, then so be it.

Her attitude in that episode is indicative of her overall attitudetoward Kurt to end the show: She feels like she and Santana tried to connectwith him, but it never worked out. At first, she was hurt by the fact that Kurtnever came to understand her—and especially that he never came to understandSantana—but now she’s over it. She can be friends with him on a superficiallevel as long as he’s nice to them, but she’s not going to sit back and let himtreat her or Santana badly anymore. She knows they’re worth more than that,whether Kurt sees it or not. In the end, Kurttany has become a fairly neutralrelationship, and Brittany’s m.o. with it is to do no harm and take no shit.

Brittany and Blaine andKlaine’s Relationship

As I discuss elsewhere,

While Brittany doesn’t hate Blaine like she hates Rachel, she alsoisn’t his number one fan. In general, Brittany doesn’t take well to anyone whobelieves that they’re better than everyone else, so Blaine going after everysolo and role and class presidency with aplomb, regardless of whom he steps onto do so, doesn’t sit well with her. Brittany believes in being a team player,and, the way she sees it, Blaine isn’t one. He will always put himself in thepoint position, even if he isn’t the best person for the job.

—which brings us to his treatment of Kurt.

Historically, Brittany has been protective of Kurt, as she cansympathize with him (see here, here, and here).Brittany likes to see Kurt succeed because she likes the idea that someone whomarches to the beat of his own drummer can make it in a world that tries tomake everyone conform—hence why she helps Kurt with his campaign and why sheacts as his background singer for his NYADA audition and why she is generallynice to him, even though they’re not necessarily close friends. 

Of course, just because Brittany generally likes Kurt and wantshim to succeed doesn’t mean she always agrees with him and his choices or willrefrain from giving him a little bit of tough love should she feel the need todo so.

Enter her “advice” to Kurt in episode 6x02 “Homecoming.”

Brittany has watched Kurt’s relationship with Blaine from thestart, and, honestly? I don’t think she likes most of what she sees.

For Brittany, a real partnership is about two people supportingeach other and helping each other to fulfill their dreams, and from Brittany’sperspective, I don’t think she sees Blaine doing those things for Kurt, thoughKurt often does them for Blaine.

In her eyes, when Kurt and Blaine both want the same thing—i.e., asolo in glee club, a role in the school play, a prestige spot at NYADA, acertain rule to be honored in their relationship—Blaine almost inevitably endsup getting whatever the thing is, with Kurt stepping aside or bowing out inorder to allow him to have it.

Add on the fact that Brittany has undoubtedly heard all about the“Klaine can’t live together without fighting” fiasco from Santana, and,frankly, I think Brittany probably views Blaine as a negative factor in Kurt’slife rather than a positive one.

That said, Brittany is all about respecting the choices peoplemake for themselves, so for as passive-aggressive as she may be about and eventowards Blaine, she isn’t going to stand in Kurt’s way once he decides he wantsto be with Blaine forever.

If Kurt loves and wants to be with Blaine, then Kurt loves andwants to be with Blaine, and Brittany will accept that Blaine is Kurt’s person,even if she doesn’t understand the appeal (see episode 6x03 and 6x08).

Santana and Kurt

Santana’s relationship with Kurt follows a similar trajectory toBrittany’s.

However, while Brittany runs through the cycle of sympathizing withKurt, wanting to befriend him, realizing that a deep friendship with him is notpossible because he never makes an effort to understand her, and then gettingover it mostly over the course of S1-S3 (at least on her own account),Santana’s cycle runs over the course of the whole series, and it runs on higheroctane than Brittany’s does overall. 

Santana is the more emotionally reactive half of Brittana, so shetends to take things with Kurt harder than does Brittany on a whole, and especiallybecause her relationship with him is wrapped up in her own sense of identity asa gay person and in her dynamics with Brittany, Rachel, and her feelings abouther future, and it is marked by insecurity from start almost to finish.

As I say elsewhere,

Santana’s relationship with Kurt iscomplicated. 

On the one hand, she spent much of high school wishing she couldbe him: i.e., the out gay kid who persisted in being himself no matter whatopposition he faced. 

On the other hand, she spent much of high school terrified to behim: i.e., the out gay kid who got thrown into lockers and roughed up andtossed into dumpsters and hated on and threatened because he was gay (“I mean,you know what happened to Kurt at this school”). 

Kurt was simultaneously an object of both devotion and fear forSantana. In spite of herself, she identified with him very strongly. She sawhis successes as successes she could possibly have and his failures as failuresshe could potentially experience (see Santana intervening to save Klaine fromKarofsky’s wrath in 2x18 and Santana’s panic after Kurt becomes prom queen in2x20).

That’s part of why she worked so hard to make WMHS safe for Kurtin Season Two, long before she herself came out (see here).

During Season Two, Kurt was more of a symbol to Santana thansomeone with whom she had an actual relationship, but during Season Three, shemade her first overtures of real friendship to him, reaching out to him whenSebastian and the Warblers tried to hurt him and Blaine (“Today is your luckyday, because Auntie Snixx just arrived on the Bitch Town Express”).

In her mind, Santana had done Kurt several solids by thispoint—i.e., forming the Bully Whips on his behalf, bringing him back to WMHSfrom Dalton, singing to him at prom despite her own fears, taking downSebastian after Sebastian hurt Blaine, etc.—and the fact that she had done soplus her and Kurt’s shared experience of being out gay kids at WMHS should havebeen enough to make them friends.

We see Santana operate under the assumption that she andKurt are friends throughout Season Four, answering his summonsto stage an intervention for Rachel in 4x12 and bringing him Christmas presentsin 5x08 (the events of whichtake place during Season Four chronologically). Though Santana stillcalls Kurt names, she assumes he knows that she only does so because she likeshim.

That being the case, she fully expects him and Rachel to welcomeher into the Loft with open arms (and particularly as Rachel actually invitedher to live in the Loft during the events of 5x08).

Unfortunately, that’s not what happens.

From the very first time Santana does something nice forKurt—i.e., forming the Bully Whips in 2x18—Kurt questions her motivations in sodoing. Why is the girl who openly mocked him and attempted to sabotage the gleeclub during their sophomore year suddenly buddying up to him in their junioryear? Surely someone as selfish as Santana can’t have altruistic motives. Shemust have either lost her mind or stand to profit from helping Kurt somehow.

Even when he learns that Santana is gay come Season Three, Kurtstill views her largely as an outsider, and his distrust (andmisunderstanding) of her continues well into Season Four, when she moves intothe Loft.

To be fair, navigating the Hummelpezberry dynamic is trickybusiness, and particularly for Kurt, who often finds himself in theuncomfortable position of mediating between Rachel and Santana, both of whomget up to some pretty wild hijinks and who often butt heads with each other.

Kurt is a natural peacemaker, and he dislikes having contention inhis home, so he will try to counsel Rachel and Santana through their disputesas much as he is able.

That said, at the end of the day, Kurt is Rachel’s best friend, notSantana’s, so while he may try to maintain his neutrality concerning theirdisputes, when push comes to shove, he almost always sides with Rachel in theend, as per what we see during the Pezberry Funny Girl disputeof early Season Five.

As I say elsewhere:

While there is certainly no shortage of wittybanter and fun musical numbers between roomies Kurt, Santana, and Rachel, thereis a shortage of “relationship-building” scenes—or at least a shortage oflasting “relationship-building” scenes that the Glee writers don’t subsequentlyrescind, ignore, or negate.

For every one friendly gesture Hummelberry andSantana make towards one another—such as, for instance, when Santana helpsRachel through her pregnancy scare in episode 4x15 or when Rachel encouragesSantana not to give up on her dreams in the first scene of episode 5x09—thereare at least two or three scenes that then show how very unstable their dynamicactually is—such as when Hummelberry kick Santana out of the Loft in 4x16 andSantana and Rachel are at each other’s throats throughout most of 5x09 and5x10.

Just as it was always the case that the UnholyTrinity broke down into units of Brittana + Quinn, it is also the case thatHummelpezberry breaks down into units of Hummelberry + Santana, with Santana asthe odd one out.

Not only do Kurt and Rachel frequently form ranksto outvote Santana, but their bond as Hummelberry can exist independent of her,whereas her bonds as part of Pezberry and Kurtana are largely dependent onHummelberry’s bond with each other—i.e., Kurt serves as a necessary peacemakerbetween Pezberry, allowing their friendship to exist, while a common interestin and exasperation with Rachel and her antics is what keeps Kurtana united.

Santana’s bond with Kurt is more stable thanSantana’s bond with Rachel, which is to say that Santana and Kurt are lesslikely to fight than Santana and Rachel are. However, Santana’s bond with Kurtis also weaker than her bond with Rachel is, which is to say that Santana hasless in common with Kurt than she does with Rachel and also that Santana feelsthat Kurt needs her less than Rachel does.

Of course, both Santana’s bond with Kurt ANDSantana’s bond with Rachel are relatively weak compared with Kurt and Rachel’sbond to each other.

If it comes down to it, Hummelberry’s tendency isto have each other’s backs. Though they like Santana to a degree, she is extraneousto them.

And the thing is that Santana knows it. 

Santana knows the difference between a secureattachment and an insecure one, and she knows that while Hummelberry aresecurely attached to each other, they are, for the most part, insecurelyattached to her. Santana knows that Hummelberry will tolerate her as long asshe is on her best behavior, and she fears the implications of theirtoleration.

Frankly, Santana is terrified of stepping one toeout of line, lest Hummelberry kick her out of the Loft again—because for asmuch as Santana says that she needs her job at the diner, she needs her placeat the Loft equally as much.

So while Santana ultimately fights less with Kurt than she doeswith Rachel, her relationship with him is just as tenuous and one-sided as isPezberry’s.

She ultimately never achieves the kind of intimacy and secureattachment to Kurt that she craves.

So cut to Season Six, when Kurt objects to Santana’s proposal toBrittany (see here):

Santana is angry that she tried for years toprove to Kurt that she was his friend, and he responded by evicting her fromthe Loft, questioning her intentions in auditioning to play Rachel’sunderstudy, kicking her out of his band, making her feel like a stranger in herown home, being ungrateful when she saved him from his high school bully anddefended Blaine against Sebastian Warbler on his behalf and scored him a job atthe diner and brought her girlfriend into his band and participated (graciouslyand quietly) in his proposal to Blaine and spent time socializing with andgetting to know him, being kind to him in his down moments, giving him soundadvice in a way that no one else was honest enough to do, etc.

Santana is angry that despite her trying herdamnedest to show Kurt that she was not the same girl he knew in highschool—that she wasn’t wrathful anymore, that she was generous, that she waswilling to share her heart in friendship with anyone who would treat it withcare—he never believed her. He always thought the worst of her. He kept her onthe outside, when she so desperately craved (and worked hard to earn) histrust.

Santana is angry but mostly she is hurt.

Santana is hurt because she genuinely cares aboutwhat happens to Kurt, but he has just shown her that he doesn’t give a damnabout what’s most important to her in return.

She showed him her precious things, and hetreated them like they were garbage.

Kurt was supposed to be Santana’s friend, and itbreaks her heart that he isn’t.

So while Santana’s capacity to forgive is muchgreater than most people generally give her credit for—and often even greaterthan those who wrong her might deserve—she does inevitably reach a point whereshe just can’t take it anymore.

And so when Kurt fucks up something that isimportant to Santana, that is sacred to her, that’s supposed to be beautifuland happy and pure, by lecturing her about learning from his mistakes? Sheloses it.

To Santana, it’s just another example of howeverything about the Kurtana relationship has always been about Kurt.

It is no coincidence that Santana spends the months that herrelationship with Brittany is at its most tenuous chasing after Kurt’sapproval. Throughout S4 and early S5, she is desperate for a place to belongand something to hold onto, and she keeps hoping that Kurt will take pity onher. She has always envied the courage he has to be himself, and now that sheis scrambling to figure out who she is outside of high school, she seeks toally herself with him, thinking that maybe some of his self-determination willrub off on her and help her find her direction.

It takes until episode 6x03, when Kurt objects to her proposal toBrittany, for Santana to realize that she should stop killing herself to winKurt’s love and approval, as, in the end, she is probably never going to getit. Going forward, she doesn’t bear Kurt ill-will. She just isn’t as hung up onwhat he thinks of her, largely because she has found where she belongs and shehas a better sense of who she is, regardless of what anyone might think. Thesecurity she feels in her relationship with Brittany makes up for the insecurityshe feels in her relationship with Kurt (and also Rachel). She’ll be friendlywith them on a superficial level, but when they inevitably do something todisappoint her, she isn’t going to take it personally—not anymore.

This attitude towards Kurt is the one that Santana carries intoher wedding day, and it is what allows her to offer up her nuptials for Klaineto take part in as well. Everything that has happened between Santana and Kurtover the years is water under the bridge now, so if Brittany wants Klaine toget married at her and Santana’s wedding, then Santana is cool with it. She’sgame. She can be altruistic, and if Kurt notices, then awesome, but if not,that’s his deal. She doesn’t need his validation anymore. She is just going tobe herself.

Santanaand Blaine and Klaine’s Relationship

The central dynamic between Brittana and Klaine is always mostlybetween Brittana and Kurt, as neither Brittany nor Santana has much of apersonal relationship with Blaine beyond his being Kurt’s boyfriend/fiancé/husband. 

To this end, Santana and Blaine don’t often interact on a one-to-one basis, andmost of their exchanges center on and are filtered through Kurt.

On the few occasions when Santana does take notice of Blaine forreasons not directly related to Kurt, her interactions with him are notnecessarily positive.

In episode 2x12, Blainetana get off to a bad start when Blainesingles Santana out at BreadStix, singing to her that she may never find loveat all and compounding her already horrible, awful, no good, very badValentine’s Day by drawing attention to her loneliness and (inadvertently)playing on her fears.

Things get worse in S3 after Blaine transfers to WMHS from Daltonand immediately starts grabbing up solos left and right, exacerbating Santana’ssense that there is no place for her in an already crowded New Directions (seeepisode 3x04).

That said, though Santana does not have much love for Blaine on apersonal level, she is willing to tolerate him for Kurt’s sake.

In general, Santana follows the same rule as Brittany when itcomes to how she treats Blaine and his relationship with Kurt, which is to saythat, though she may not personally see Blaine’s appeal for Kurt or think that Blaineis a particularly good match for him, she acknowledges that if Blaine is Kurt’sman, then Blaine is Kurt’s man, and so treats him like a friend for Kurt’s sake.In her case, “treating Blaine like a friend for Kurt’s sake” translates to hersnarking at him as she does at Kurt but also protecting him like her own whenneeds be.

The place where this behavior from her is most apparent is inepisode 3x11, when she “goes to battle” against Sebastian Smythe after hethrows rock salt in Blaine’s eye, sending Blaine to the hospital. Her musicalduel against Sebastian and the reconnaissance work she does against him is allfor Blaine’s benefit, a way to prove that Sebastian is guilty and get him backgood for what he’s done.

To Santana, that’s just how one treats a friend’s significantother—and it’s what she would expect Kurt to do for Brittany were the situationreversed.

Note: Santana’s expectation that friends should respect theirfriends’ relationships even if they don’t necessarily like or “get” themunderlies her hurt when Kurt objects to her proposal to Brittany in S6. No matterhow she feels about Blaine, she would never undermine Kurt’s right to be withhim or place her objections over Kurt’s feelings.

Overall, Santana seems to view Blaine as conceited and feelannoyed with him for his grandstanding, but she still accepts that Kurt loveshim, and that’s good enough for her. The only time she ever truly “goes after”Kurt and Blaine’s relationship is in episode 6x03, after Kurt objects to herproposal to Brittany. In that case, she is lashing out to hurt Kurt because hehurt her first. In her mind, he broke the “your friend’s relationship is sacred”rule, so she’s punishing him for it, plain and simple. The fact that she laterforgives Kurt enough to let him and Blaine share in her wedding proves that herdiatribe was mostly a nervous reaction and that, underneath everything, shebears Klaine no real malice. Again, she is over it, and if Kurt wants to marryBlaine, then that’s his business, and she’ll respect his decision.

Blaineand Brittana

As stated above, Blaine doesn’t have many individual interactionswith either Brittany or Santana, as he knows them mostly through Kurt (and, inBrittany’s case, through Sam). 

That being the case, his views of the girls andtheir relationship seem mostly to fall in line with Kurt’s: He thinks Brittanyis dumb, Santana is mean, and Brittana is somewhat inexplicable. In general, heseems to be amused by the strangeness that is them, and he doesn’t really gettheir whole “thing,” but he plays it off because, well, why not?

On the few occasions when Brittana do nice things for him—such as when Santana protects him and Kurt from Karofsky in episode 2x17 or when Brittany invites him and Kurt to share in her and Santana’s weddding in 6x08—he is grateful, if befuddled, as he doesn’t really understand where the niceness is coming from.

Following Kurt’s lead, he never really pushes for a deeper or more intimate friendship with either Santana or Brittany or with Brittana as a couple. He seems mostly fine with the pleasant but superficial status quo and with Kurt being closer to the girls than he is. Whatever history is there, he’s not going to poke at. There is nothing that really personally compels him about Brittana, one way or the other.

Conclusion

Brittana and Klaine end the show as neither friends nor enemies.

Santana’s early bullying and Brittany’s seemingincomprehensibility put Kurt off on them early on, and Kurt’s inability tochange his opinions put them off on him later. Though over the years, they singplenty of songs together and show occasional care for one another, ultimately,they fail to achieve true understanding. To Kurt, Brittana are still asimpleton and a mean girl. He doesn’t recognize Brittany’s cleverness orSantana’s ooey-gooey center. To Brittana, Kurt is impossible. They feel theyhave tried to win his friendship to no avail, so now they’ve given up. Their relationshipstops just short of real intimacy. They have shared history, but they don’tbare their souls to one another.

In the end, Brittana and Klaine represent a failed experiment bothinside and outside of their fictional universe.

The writers tried to make “two same-sex couples as buddies” fetchhappen, but they never truly allowed the groups to overcome their rocky startswith each other. Their inability to scaffold and build up this friendshipcorrelates to a larger failure on their parts in the way that they wieldedSantana as a character—namely, that they never quite knew what to do with heronce they could no longer just straight up treat her as a villain following herdevelopment in S2.

They knew that Santana could be nice, but she made such aconvenient heavy that they were reluctant to label her a hero. Their attitudetoward her is reflected in Kurt’s treatment of her, and it accounts for many ofthe starts, stops, and stalls that she and Kurt experience over the years.

The same is also true to for Brittany and Kurt, as the writerswere never able to gracefully transition Brittany between what they had firstenvisioned her as in S1 and what they eventually made her into from S2 on, and,consequently, Kurt was never able to advance his views of her, either.

Since Kurt’s attitudes eventually became Blaine’s, the wholeBrittana and Klaine friendship stalled from the onset. For every one bondingmoment they experienced, there was always a fight or a misunderstanding or agrudge that prevented them from truly drawing close. Klaine keep their guards up. Brittana have hurt feelings and eventually move on.

Of course, none of this analysis is meant to discourage peoplefrom enjoying the idea of a Brittana and Klaine friendship in fic and fanon. It’sjust to say that, in canon, I think that the Glee writers choked in theirexecution and that the whole situation is a lot more complicated than itappears on the surface.

As for my own views on Klaine, I don’t personally ship them,though I respect those who do.

Sorry this answer turned into such a monster piece.

Thank you for the question!

[orrtala]

Peepers: my darling precious evil frustrated ambitious little eyeball man

Post S1 analysis

Also it would be nice if you’d read the thing. I like the thing.

A good while ago I wrote how much I liked Peepers willing to put his foot down, when he's not afraid of Hater, when he's done with his boss and it shows. And some of you told me "Oh man, you're going to like Peepers in S2!" And I was like "Ok, fine, we'll see."

"The Greater Hater" started with Peepers clearly annoyed with Hater, not caring if he get blasted or not. Okay, good. Then he's clearly in awe of Dominator's ship and I go "oooooooh I suspected he'd leave Hater in S2 looks like I was right!" Then he goes off on Hater again and as we all know frustrated Peepers is the best Peepers. So here I was, thinking that Dom was going to be Peepers' new boss, happy about Commander letting his frustrations out, maybe he'd get some character arc thanks to the switch? …But at the same time I enjoyed that dynamic between Peepers and Hater and I was also kind of sad it was going to end right when it started to get really good? The episode continued; Dominator managed to trap Wander and Sylvia, enrage Hater and fight him back with ease, while Peepers gets a good look at bot factory. "This is it," I thought. "He's going to leave Hater for the new guy for galactic domination."

And then Peepers saved everyone by wrecking the console and, though I didn't really know it at the time, became my favorite character.

Peepers got A LOT of character development this season. And, strangely, his character arc wasn't even that big or prominent. He wasn't the one who was supposed to face Dominator in one way or another (though he tried, oh boy he tried and ended up with disastrous results). He was a guy who wanted to have universe at his feet, knew he lacked the abilites to do so and had to rely on someone powerful. But now with Hater being distracted by Wander all the time he had to work even more and even harder to fullfil his ambitions.

Aside from the very first episode it didn't start with much. In "The Big Day" he tried hard to get Hater out of Wander-frenzy, and failed miserably not noticing the whole skullship planned a wedding destruction ceremony. He broke down in tears and that was that. In "The Breakfast" he just served the titular meal multiple times only to get roped into cleaning the mess Hater left in his morning tantrum.

But then "The Axe" happened. Peepers is fired by his boss, keeps on hoping Hater would rethink the matter, but it seems like skeleton man gets on his own just fine. Peepers suffers through his inner "Grop I'm so sad about life and stuff" song (and I still didn't got to hear Tom Kenny's version, come on, when is it going to be released?) gets into taxi and… tries to find a new job in newspaper? What the heck, there are so many villains around, why can't he just work for one of them? It's because he truly believed Hater is the greatest, the most powerful villain in the galaxy. And that they could be great again working together if Hater would just let him. And, well, eventually he does, almost to the point of begging. They get back together, Peepers gets a statue, and everything is right in the world.

We also got to see his room in that episode. It's small, it has a bed, a toilet, a locker and a giant Hater poster. That's it. And then he can fit all his belongings in cardboard box (along with a plant that I'm sure he stole from the cafeteria to have something to put into box). It just shows how much time and effort he put into his work. No wonder he was depressed about the prospect of losing it all.

"The It". Oh my grop I absolutely adore this episode. Aside from being hilarious it was great Peepers episode. Commander is fed up with Hater's shenanigans and decides to work with what he can. Hater causes a chaos with the game of tag (and also wants to tag Peepers himself, and, well, we can't have that… cause… reasons… nobody would like to be it anway…) – time to freeze him in coldbrrnte! Nobody wants to be it? Time to use it against other villains! And we get this nifty montage of evil, ambitious Peepers. "A true villain turns weakness into a strength!" Thanks, Peepers, that was subtle. While writers just can't keep Commander happy for too long and episode ends up with him crying, at this point Peepers understands that while he needs Hater for the empire to work, he ensures watchdogs are working with him anytime skeleton man gets distracted by Wander.

…Though then again does he actually need Hater that much?

Enter "The Cool Guy". Peepers and Hater's relationship is actually pretty decent at this point. They seem to have an actual fun playing with toys strategic figurines and planning an invasion at the same time, but Emperor Awesome's arrival puts a wrench into the whole thing. On Peepers side he worries that his boss won't get to the invasion on time but eventually gets fed up with waiting – it's invasion time! Commander goes on how he knows very well what Hater truly wants, mocking his dreams of being popular and tries to lead the invasion on his own. While putting his eye-face on the flags. Though he definitely used Hater's popularity as a villain to do this.

When he goes off to the aliens about bowing down to their new master and ruler he gets interrupted. And no one, no one will ever convince that he wasn't talking about himself. He wanted to conquer in his name for once, just to try, maybe he had capabilites, maybe he was enough, maybe he didn't need Hater after all? But Awesome makes fun of him, of his cuteness, his height, and him being a nerd. And Peepers, despite the initial failure, responds in truly great manner, making fun of him instead, pointing out what pathetic person he is. However he does that without mentioning the jab at his height. It's clearly a thing he doesn't want to talk about.

There's not much to talk about when it comes to "The Rager" and "The Good Bad Guy". Peepers continues on being Peepers to who Hater actually listens to, but also gets smacked around by his boss (more about that in relationships analysis). He's just kind of there. Getting punched by Sylvia who wasn't even there.

Oh yeah, time to mention his relationship with Syl, huh. Since their moment in "The Battle Royale" they started to get along, somewhat. It's continued in "The Show Stopper", "My Fair Hatey" and "The End of the Galaxy". They found a similriaties in each other, common goals, and at some point even had fun together. Their frenemy thing going on is important to both of them, but especially Peepers, who, so far, didn't have anyone who he saw on a same level as him.

Before "The Battle Royale" Commander managed to get his boss to the #2 spot on the leaderboard, learned to work with childish Hater and the only real obstacle was Dominator on the first place, destroying planets left and right. After this episode Dom rmeained as obstacle, but in an entirly different way: previously Hater was willing to fight the guy back. But since he developed a crush on her things started to be… complicated.

Peepers, after the fluke of attack in "The New Toy", where Hater sabotaged every attempt at fighting Dom back using the frostonium, is done. He just wants to get rid of Dominator, wants his boss back on track; he doesn't even dream of getting S1 Hater, he just wants the things to be what the status quo from the S2 first arc back, when childish, distracted Hater was a person he could work with.

So when Commander gets Hat into his hands he snaps. "The universe will be mine!" He's entirely willing to leave Hater and conquer the universe – yes, he said universe, not galaxy – by himself. Dude's definitely ambitious. Of course after everything blows up and Wander gets his Hat back things get back to normal. Well, relatively normal. As normal as WoY with Hater having a crush on a bigger villain can get, I guess. But it was there, Peepers and his ambitions resurfaced yet again.

By the time "My Fair Hatey" rolls Commander decides to take matter into his hands. I feel like fighting Dominator was pretty personal for him at this point; she was the person who messed up his plans, who made Hater into total fool. He explains his plan to Sylvia in a glorious singing manner, roping her into bringing frostonium onboard Dom's ship and… well, he successed. Sort of. It's unclear what has actually happened, but Dom gets ice powers thanks to that and the galaxy is even more doomed. But nobody can accuse the little guy for lack of trying.

In "The Bad Neighbors" Peepers clearly feels guilty and tries to reach to Hater for help. He doesn't sleep, overworking himself even more than normally, and comes up with nothing. There is a bright spot at the end of a tunnel though – his confidence is back by the end of episode and everyone is free from sitcom shenanigans.

When I finished the series my Screener asked me which arc from S2 was my favorite and which one I liked the least. Without thinking I responded that I the third arc was definitely my least favorite. Before I could mull over my response she said: "oh yeah, it didn't have enough Peepers in it, right."

Yeah, Commander kind of disappeared in a last act and took backseat to Wander and Sylvia trying to find ways to beat Dominator. He finally got to appear in "The Robomechabotatron", where he pretty much laid out his opinion about Hater to Wander (which also meant some Peepers&Wander interactions, yay!) And while I love "The End of the Galaxy" he didn't do much there. At the beginning he lost all hope, though was later shown to be looking for Hater, probably trying to plan what to do next, if that galaxy was lost. He was extremely happy about getting his compentent boss back, saved Sylvia's life, got a serious case of heart eyes and it ultimately got back to chasing Wander across the galaxy.

So, Peepers. Ambitious, evil, workaholic Peepers. I love this guy.

While it's obvious he's evil, more evil than Hater, I was thinking: how evil is he? Can we assume he's as evil or even more evil than Dom? (Or Screwball, but let's stick to evil guys who know they're evil kay.) People seem not to think so, if only because he exclaimed: "Man, that's evil!" upon learning her plan of destroying the whole galaxy. First of all he's fine with destroying few planets. He was planning a tour to do it back in "The Big Day" for flarp's sake! It's not about all the people who would lose their homes and lifes in that, no. It's about his lack of comprehension about this plan. See, Peepers is ambitious, he wants to conquer, he wants to rule, even if it has to be in someone else's name (though we all know he would gladly do it alone if he could). Sure when he sees her plan on a giant screen he's shocked, but then…

…he has this look. It's not 'it's so evil why would she do that to these people' look, it's: 'what the flarp, why would anyone do that, what are the benefits, is that her plan, is that why she destroyed everything on her path, better stop her quickly or I won't have anything to conquer.' He wants to save the galaxy only to conquer it, he says it himself later in musical episode, and Hater remembers it in the finale, causing the heart eyes. So, yeah, personally I don't think Peepers is less evil than Dominator, he's just more cautious, needs to work with others, and doesn't see sense in destroying everything; what is there left to rule after all?

So what would happen to Commander in S3? A lot of things, I imagine, I wrote the whole post about my suspcions regarding his future. Also there's a matter of his and watchdogs' home planet, that aaparently was destroyed by Dom. We would learn about his background, maybe finally get his first name. More interactions with Hater and Sylvia. Please, please, more interactions with Wander and Dominator. And…

…I'm… just gonna go cry in the corner, okay?

TL;DR: I love this character so much. He's ambitious, evil, and was supposed to get an arc in S3. Still got a lots of development in S2 and what we got was glorious.

[mattelektras]

overall thoughts on the defenders?

 ok this is gonna be a long ass answer!!!

general stuff:

the plot was a bit cliche at times like really.... blow up the place we’re gonna be in and have a countdown detonator...... is this james bond

and the whole thing with the ‘’’’substance’’’’ felt very....... shoehorned in. i cant say i even fully understood that part of it. it felt like one episode was just the hand being assholes because thats what they do and then the next was... oh no we’re actually being assholes for this now

alexandra was disappointing. i expected her to be MORE, but i feel like sticking with madame gao would have made for a better main antagonst. which i guess she still kind of is, she’s just a behind the scenes kind of deal

but to bring in alexandra as this new character that’s so important and has so much backstory and then not actually give me any reason to believe any of it.... ehhh

danny was slightly more likeable than he was in iron fist. maybe a single iota more mature 

danny/colleen just doesnt work as a believable solid relationship when its put up against luke/claire and it just felt out of place

BUT the way the first few episodes bought them together was really fun and took my mind off the fact that nothing real actually happened until halfway through the season

and in general... the plot was okay, the whole feel of it was solid, way more comprehensive than say... daredevil season 2 where the two halves of the season barely meshed 

other stuff:

the team dynamic was so easy and so likeable and that is what’s gonna stand out regardless of any issues the show has imo

the luke/danny stuff felt so BAITY i loved it... it felt like one of them was 2 seconds away from saying heroes for hire at all times like it felt like the writers KNEW how important their friendship is in the comics and really tried to start that

and everything luke said to him when they first met about danny having power from the day he was born was so fucking well handled, especially considering all the issues with the show danny had just stepped out of. and luke kept the same values he had in his own show??

LUKE IN GENERAL WAS  FUCKING HIGHLIGHT. his conversations with claire, him being the only one a bit worried about blowing up the building etc etc like... objectively the most heroic of the bunch?? the most legitimately altruistic

the right amount of karen page. i nap during her scenes but when she told matt that the problem wasnt the hand, that it was HIM, angels were singing and the world around me was glowing. the character herself acknowledges matt is the problem but karen fans are probs still gonna blame elektra

felt like a lot of side characters were just hanging around doing nothing in a police precinct 

malcolm looked fucking good this season

MISTY’S ARRRRRRMMM SHE’S GONNA BE SO FUCKING COOL WHEN SHE GETS HER BIONIC ONE

I DID NOT SEE IT COMING EITHER i was shitposting about how the show would be better if she had it and then she fucking lsot her arm RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES N IVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED TO SEE A LIMB LOST 

and colleen being the one in the hospital with her feels like some daughters of the dragon foreshadowing 

matt being with nuns at the end....... mama murdock foreshadowing

the important stuff. the elektra stuff. the otp stuff.

her snapping and killing alexandra and taking over was A JOURNEY. thats when she felt like her to me. she’d been waiting and watching but doing her own thing in private like going to matt’s apartment, and then when she was ready she just fuckin................ did that

im so proud of my girl for looking out for herself an doing what she had to do to protect herself whilst surrounded by a bunch of people trying to use her 

the dramatic repression like her 616 counterpart 

VERY FALL FROM GRACE. they might not have done erynys but at times it felt like she WAS erynys just not in a separate body, and she was just trying to save herself the suffering of being fully herself again

matt and elektra’s fight scenes were probably my favourite part of the whole thing like anyone who knows even 1 thing about me knows i place a lot of importance on the ‘i spar best with you’ line from 616 and they really proved me right 

mat got himself back in my good graces my fucking MAN. after the shitshow ending of s2 where he doesnt even wait for her to be cold yet before he goes and tells karen everything, i didnt have high hopes. but he was SO DETERMINED to save her right from the get go, and he had no intention of leaving her at any point. and that just... captured a lot of things about their comics selves 

the two of them not even speaking but both fucking DESTROYING people for fucking with the other???????

THE ENDING..... god i love him so much for staying with her. she was obviously afraid of dying again considering the trauma she was still recovering from the first go around and so far, all she’s had in the mcu is pretty shitty treatment from everyone around her right until the second she died so for her to ‘’’die’’’ again but this time be with the man she loves who loves her and not be alone for once and actually have someone do something SOLELY for her with no ulterior motives is just.............. so good. and it fucking kills me because thats all i want for her in ANY universe so i really am way more contented than i was expecting to be

and elodie yung was............ amazing????? to have to be so silent in a lot of her scenes but still convey all of the above shit

all i was kind of expecting the angsty messy matt show but he had some like.... legitimate growth on his own without having foggy or she who shall not be named around to change for. and him saying that being daredevil IS his life and he so obviously didnt wanna give it up because thats who he is and THATS COMICS MATT THERE HE IS!!! and then to go out the way he did jsut..... felt right 

it wasnt perfect but it redeemed a lot of previous issues w them from s2 and it might just be my reading into things, but to finally see a lot of comic aspects of their relationship incorporated into this season made the whole show for me?? to just have..... my absolute!!!! favorite!!!!! character!!!! in her iconic relationship handled WAY better this time......... im at peace and for once not completely full of hate and i really am floored by just how much i love elektra natchios  and elektra with matt like they really are...... so important 2 me i never get to see them together in comics but i get this thanks @ god for doin me a solid here

[poldarkmmmuses]

poldarkmmmuses musings: The Four Swans – one year and a WHOLE lotta Poldark after

THIS POST IS RIDDLED WITH POLDARK SPOILERS FOR THE FOUR SWANS. AND THERE IS SWEARING. CONSIDER YOURSELVES WARNED.

I’d only been active in the fandom for a few months when I read tFS for the first time. And I admit, I was quite vocal about the things that happened in it. Since I’ve become more involved in the fandom, have watched series one of the 2015 countless times, analyzed both S1 and S2 to pieces, and led interweb bookclubs on both The Black Tide and The Four Swans for the Poldark Podcast, I can say some of my thoughts around Graham’s sixth book have mellowed. This is not to say I’m all warm and fuzzy about Hugh Armitage all of a sudden. I’m just no longer demanding his head be served to me on a platter.

I have a trigger when it comes to adultery. I’ve mentioned it in a few locations as well as the podcast. This goes back all the way to when I was a kid (back in the Stone Age). Without getting into too many details, my dad had affairs. The last one broke up my folk’s marriage. At the time, I was all about being on Team Mom. It wasn’t until after she’d passed and I’d learned some of the KRAYKRAY shit happening in their relationship at the time of that last affair that I began to understand why my father made the choices he did. This perspective has doubled as I approach the twenty year mark on a less-than-ideal marital situation. 

So, what do I get with all of this life-wisdom heaped onto my head?

There are no such things as Soulmates™. I say this specifically to address some of the anonymous asks that have come into the @poldarkpodcast inbox. Here’s a sample (tweaked spelling and punctuation a bit): 

...not enjoying the four swans don’t like how Graham comes up with plot devises to constantly split up Ross and Demelza. he gave them a break in Black Moon, wonder if that’s why we talk about it so much because of heartache. I think in Black Moon Ross loves Demelza more then ever but as you said, there is now a chink in Demelza's armor, she loves Ross still but it’s not the same as before the betrayal, she changed, lost faith, not on pedestal anymore, because if she was as happy as she seemed in Black Moon she wouldn’t want to have known Hugh, just friends who enjoy company etc, if you in love with husband you don’t sleep with a man who you hardly know, just to make him happy, its as bad as Ross sleeping with Margaret because she fed up, this was wrong of Graham to do this with Demelza because it alters how her character has been so far in the books, i know she has flaws, reckless with Julia, Verity etc but not unfaithful to Ross, hate the four swans. I agree with all what you said, she didn’t need to have sex with him on the beach, she could of said no, spoils it for me, hate betrayal, makes a mock of their marriage and i thought they were soul mates in literature, don’t think so. What do you you think Michelle

Folks are undeniably upset about Demelza’s adultery and have said they were supposed to be Soulmates™ (the trademark is my addition to the term that is posted). Other than the dictionary definition of the word, I simply cannot believe there is only one person on a planet of seven billion that I’m meant to be in a perfect, shiny, awesome state of being for the rest of my life . If that’s the case and I’m current with that person, then whoever is responsible for the soulmate matching job in my current situation is about to get a size-ten Doc Marten upside the head because why? EPIC FAIL. 

It’s a lovely, romantic notion, to be sure, to be with a single person in one’s life and never encounter moments of suck, the whole “happily ever after” idea. And yes, there are many couples out there who have been able to sustain a loving, committed relationship with the same person who used to snap their bra straps in junior high school or whatever. What I’ve discovered is what lies beneath those “soulmate-type” couples most if not all of the time is unwelcome compromise, societal pressures to stay together, despite what would be better for all concerned, and/or a SHIT-ton of hard, heartbreaking and heart-mending work that chips away on the very foundations of their partnership. This can include infidelity (emotional or physical), lack of communication, grief and loss, changes in dynamic (e.g. the traditional bread winner loses their job, so the other partner becomes the breadwinner and all of the mindfucking that goes into that. Don’t ask me how I know this). Which brings me to my next point…

Marriage is hard frakking work. There’s a reason why I haven’t bounced out of this less than ideal relationship. Or, I should say, YET. It’s far too easy to bail on a situation where the person you married has left the toilet seat up or has left the cap off the toothpaste one too many times. Living one’s life with another person, a person who is doing the same amount of growing and changing as you are, requires strong communication, opportunities to be independent in one’s hobbies or activities, and a whole bunch of other stuff. The first one, communication, is the thing that glues everything together. If you’re not willing to do the work, accept those moments when you’ve been the horse’s ass and need to apologize or say “I don’t think I love you anymore”, then stick with dating and booty calls.

So why blather about this stuff on a Poldark blog? Because the Poldark series is NOT a fairy tale, like Beauty and the Beast or The Little Mermaid. It is all about a marriage, through its turmoil and betrayal; its healing and forgiveness, that spans thirty-plus years. We encounter two of the greatest injuries to the Poldark marriage in Warleggan and The Four Swans. By the end of the latter, BOTH Ross and Demelza, our power couple, the Soulmates™, the hero and heroine of the series, have committed adultery, but emotional AND physical adultery and are at a very precarious place in their relationship. And as much as I want to rage and howl at both of them – and I do, every single time I re-read these books, I do – the emotion I am left with is a bone deep disappointment, the same disappointment I had when I was a kid and discovered my father’s failings, and when I was an adult, and discovered my mother’s failings. Feet of clay.

Now, neither of them were hapless victims or perpetrators of their decision making. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango. I’ve got ZERO love for either Elizabeth or Hugh, see both of them as being selfish, manipulative individuals (I’ve at least backed away from the predator label I’d slapped on Armitage my first read-through of tFS…see? An old dog can learn new tricks) and have much to do with how things shake out. Communication across the board for these four was ridiculously flawed and craptastic. Ultimately, it was the folks who’d made the promises that day in June 1787 that are responsible for ignoring the “You Shall Not Pass” line.

Why does Demelza’s adultery affect me more than Ross’s? Believe me, I’ve asked myself this question more times than I care to think about. Maybe it’s because she’d been the injured party first? Because she is so intuitive and has such well-honed Spidey senses and they’d been screeching in her ear from the moment she met Hugh? Because despite her saying she was content with Ross, in love with him and only wanted to be his wife, it feels like she was saying all of those things with her fingers crossed behind her back? Sadly, she doesn’t accept the truth of the situation until after she’s given herself to Hugh. Even after she acknowledges Jud’s tale telling and Ross’s secret meetings (which she assumes are ongoing rather than the single incident) as something that’s niggled at the back of her mind and, in the moment of decision, “eroded her will”, she acknowledges that it only had the power to do so because her impulses towards the act were strong enough that they would have leapt upon any excuse to justify the act. Even Hugh’s romance and fawning and charm and crap weren’t enough to sweep her away. Further, it isn’t until she thinks of the damage the knowledge of her infidelity would have upon her relationship with Ross should he ever find out that she begins to feel bad about what she’s done. She then reconsiders the possibility that Hugh’s romantic overtures had more of an impact on her than she’d thought earlier (of course they did, otherwise you wouldn’t have kept all of those damn poems, Demelza). She is sorry for committing adultery, not because she is any less in love with Ross, nor because she’s remorseful about having the experience of making love with another man (because she’s not)...it is because it has eradicated trust and loyalty, just as Ross’s visit to Elizabeth in Warleggan did. And even then… it’s not until Hugh is dead that she finally, FINALLY seems to come to terms with her actions and motives behind them: a) she was instantly attracted to him; and b) she’d fallen in love with him -- long before she learned of Ross’s meeting with Elizabeth -- and followed her heart’s desire.

If SHE casts aside her knowledge of Ross and Elizabeth’s meeting(s) and Ross’s fall from grace as an excuse for her behavior, who are we to continue to point at them as being the thing that would have kept her from doing what she did? Hugh’s not the only one who has had Demelza on a pedestal. We have as well. And her fall from that lofty position hurts so incredibly much.

tl;dr If I could say one thing it would be this: Ross? Leave that sonofabitch at Quimper. He ain’t nothing but trouble.

Want to read the passage where Demelza ponders all of this? It’s behind the cut. Happy to talk about this -- I know I’ll enjoy the conversation. Well… enjoy might not be the right word for it, but you know what I mean. :-)

The Four Swans, by Winston Graham, Book 3, Chapter 1, Part 3 pages 427-434, Kindle edition

But to be honest she could not allow herself even the luxury of blaming her lapse on Jud’s tale-telling, on Ross’s secret meetings. It had of course been in the back of her mind all these months, a little corrosive eating away at her normal contentment; and on the soft sand beside the Seal Hole Cave with the cliffs towering and a man kneeling in the sand watching her, the knowledge had come suddenly to the forefront and on the instant eroded her will. But it could only have done that if the impulses were already so strong within her that they seized on any excuse to have their way. It was an excuse, she knew that with certainty. A good one or a bad one, who knew? But an excuse for what was inexcusable. 

Nor could she really pretend to herself that she had been swept away by Hugh’s romantic approach. Of course it was delightful to be someone’s chivalrous ideal. But she was altogether of the wrong temperament to be much affected by it. She knew well enough that such a poetic view of love was impossible to sustain, and she had made this clear to him all through their friendship. Indeed his extravagances, charming though they were, would have tended to defeat their own object. (Was it unfair to him to suppose that he had tried to charm her, to weave a spell around her, to hypnotize her with idealistic attitudes and beautiful words? Perhaps it was unfair, for his sincerity could hardly be doubted.) Anyway, she had refused to be so hypnotized. Yet in the end she had not refused him. She had given herself to him with warmth and sensuous ease. There had been little or no embarrassment. It had happened, cut off from the rest of the world, under the hot sun. 

So what was the reason? Attraction, sheer physical attraction, which she had felt from the moment they had first met last year; sadness, for the news he brought of himself; opportunity, which had settled on them like a strange bird, making unreality out of isolation and giving her the feeling that she was no one, except a nameless woman to be taken by a nameless man. 

Were these reasons, except the first, any better than more excuses? From the moment he set eyes on her he had wanted her, and now he had had her. Perhaps it would cure him. Perhaps now that he had brought her down to the level of other women he would be able to go away and forget. There was an old saying that all women were the same when the candle was blown out. He had had many other women, he had implied; now she was one of them. Now he could turn his idealism on some other girl. Perhaps her giving herself to him would in the end be a good thing, clearing his mind of his desire, enabling him to come to terms with himself, and to forget. 

She wished she could believe this. Or she almost wished it. No woman really wants to feel that by giving herself to a man she has expended her attraction in his eyes. But that likelihood now seemed less probable than it had done yesterday. While Ross was asleep this afternoon, sleeping off some of the frustrations and unease of the sinister night, the same tall groom had arrived again, clattering over the cobbles at the front door –alone, thank God, but all the same openly delivering a message to her that Ross might well have asked to see. Admittedly the covering note was formal enough, a polite letter thanking her for her hospitality of Tuesday and expressing a hope that she and Ross would dine again at Tregothnan before he returned home. But folded inside it was another poem, and who knew whether she would have had the sleight of hand to get it into her pocket without its being seen? 

The metre had changed, but not the style. 

Hallowed by sea and sand Beauty was in my hand.  In taking her I came  Moth to the whitest flame,  Body caressed and turned  Wings of desire unburned.  Lips to my lips unfold  Tale of our love is told.  Yet there can be no end,  In love our lives extend,  And if this day be all  Proud is my heart’s recall  Proud is my funeral pall. 

It didn’t seem to have altered his attitude as yet, or to have ‘cured’ him of anything at all. Then had it cured her? But cured her of what? A compulsive sensuous impulse to lie with another man for once in her life? A perverse desire to be unfaithful to the man she loved? A wish to give happiness, if it was in her power, to someone sorely threatened? A sudden moral lapse, lying in the warm sand with the salt water drying on her body? 

The odd and slightly disconcerting thing was that she was not quite sure that she had anything to be cured of. She felt no less in love with Ross than before –perhaps, perversely, a little more so. She felt no different –or very little different –towards Hugh Armitage. She was taken with him, warmed by his love and returning some of it. The experience, the physical experience, if one could separate it even in one’s thoughts from the heart-stopping tension and sweet excitement of the day, had not in essence varied from what she had known before. She did not feel that she was becoming in any real way a light woman. She did not see it as a happening that was likely to recur. It was just a trifle disconcerting that she did not feel very much changed in any way as a result of it. 

That was not to say that she had spent a happy two days since. At times the discomfort and apprehension she felt might well have been mistaken for bitter remorse for wrong-doing. Unfortunately the remorse was something of which she had to remind herself rather than a sensation welling up naturally from her conscience. The true discomfort grew out of something different. At the moment, what had happened on Tuesday was an event in isolation, unconnected with the past, unattached to the future. But if Ross knew of it, even got to suspect it, then the anonymity of the experience would be shattered, the isolation broken into, and her life with him might be laid waste. 

It was not an agreeable thought, and, standing at the window with little shivers going through her body in the warm night, she did not much like herself. It seemed to her that if she had committed adultery it was for the wrong reasons, and if she was sorry she had committed it, it was again for the wrong reasons.

On the Tuesday it had been after one when they left the beach. They had rowed straight back. 

He had said in the boat: ‘You have not asked me to dinner but I’ll not stay. If Ross should return I should feel embarrassed, and in truth all I want now for a long time is to be alone.’ 

‘Your groom will be tired of waiting.’ 

‘I have been tired of waiting . . . When can I see you again?’ 

‘Not, I believe, for a long time.’ 

‘A long time will be too long for me.’ 

‘When are you going home?’ 

‘To Dorset? I don’t know. My uncle believes there is an election coming shortly and thinks to invite me to stand for Truro.’ 

‘But your –oh, I suppose he doesn’t know?’ 

‘Not yet. In any event, if the election occurred this summer I could still no doubt deceive the electors. And I suspect there have been blind Members of Parliament before this.’ 

‘Do not say that.’ 

‘Well, it will have to be said sooner or later.’ 

‘Are spectacles no use to you? I’m still not sure how much you can see?’ 

‘Today I have seen enough.’ 

‘Hugh, please, we should talk no more like this . . . I need not ask you when we get ashore to talk no more like this.’ 

‘You need not ask me, Demelza. My lovely one, no hurt shall come to you from anything I say. I assure you.’ 

So they had landed, and the impassive groom, who had been sitting in the shade of the rocks, came to help them gravely in, and, the boat stowed in the cave, they had walked up the narrow valley to the house talking of seals and other casual things, and he had refused to come in but had stood chatting in the doorway until the two horses were led round, and they had mounted and clattered off up the valley. Hugh had not waved as he left, but he had turned and stared at her for a long moment, as if trying to memorize what he might not see again. 

She turned from the bedroom window and looked about her at the familiar room. The teak beams running lengthwise of the ceiling, the new green velvet curtain over the door, the window seat with its pink grogram hanging; the wardrobe door ajar and a corner of the frock, the green frock, peering out like a guilty secret; Ross’s dark head and regular breathing. My lovely one, no hurt shall come to you from anything I say. But what of the things you write? In the sort of company in which Hugh was brought up, possibly letters were brought on a platter to the breakfast table by a manservant and everyone was too well bred to ask even whom a communication was from, let alone expect to see its contents. In Nampara household, on the other hand, such was the amity and friendship between them, that Ross always tossed any letters he received across to her to read after, and she, on the rare occasions when she had one, automatically did the same. However folded within another letter, the last poem was dangerous indeed. Body caressed and turned, Wings of desire unburned. Lips to my lips unfold. Judas! No wonder she shivered in the warm night! 

The bit of paper should have been torn up at once. It was like a little heap of gunpowder waiting for a chance spark. But sometimes caution can go too far, and she couldn’t quite force herself to destroy it. However little or much the incident might come to mean in future years, the poem meant something. It meant something to her and she could not lose it. So instead she had slipped it with the other poems she had received into a little wash-leather bag that she had found in the old library long years ago. It was safe enough there, she felt, for no one touched the drawer it was in except herself. 

She came back to the bed. She wondered for a moment if perhaps she had been dismissing Hugh’s romantic persuasions too lightly. What had he said? By giving love you do not diminish it. Love only adds to itself, it never destroys. Tenderness is not like money; the more you give to one the more you have for others. Perhaps there was hard common sense in this as well as poetry. Certainly there was, if one could overcome loyalty and possessiveness and jealousy and trust. But how could one? What if Ross had been sleeping with Elizabeth? What if his story about aiding in the arrest of the miners were an untruth and he had spent the night in Elizabeth’s arms? How would she feel then? That Ross’s love had grown for her because he had been intimate with another woman’s body? Love only adds to itself, it never destroys. Tenderness is not like money. But neither is trust, Hugh, neither is trust. Neither is loyalty. You can give those away and they are gone for ever, Hugh. Though only a part of love, they are a vital part, gathered, stored, built up over the years, like something growing round love, protecting it, warming it, adding another strength to it and another savour. Give those away and they are gone for ever...

She drew back the thin sheet and slid in beside Ross, very cautiously so as not to wake him. She lay on her back for a moment, wide eyed, silent breathed, staring at the half-dark ceiling. Then Ross moved, as if conscious that she had been away and had come back. He did not put his arm around her but his hand came to rest on hers while he slept.