#but then also feel miserable and hateful towards yourself because what have you ever done to deserve all of it?

[niadotcom]

.

[criminalamnesia]

everyone’s asking for a part two so here is more angst bc cedar by gracie abrams is perfect for this [ also inspired by what @shotmrmiller said in their reblog :)) ]

part one here

part three (aka version 1 of the ending) here

part three (ending version 2) here

it’s odd coming home to an empty house. unnerving, even. he doesn’t like it— dislikes it even more than he did your celebrations. fuck, he’d kill for those damn streamers right now.

“love?” his voice is soft as he calls out into the dark, once lively little flat. it hasn’t felt this big since before you had moved in.

he takes a few more steps inside, toeing off his boots and letting his backpack fall to the floor. by now, you would’ve been launching yourself into his arms. where were you? you’d never missed the day he came home. ever. you would have it marked on your calendar from the day he left, exclamation points and stars decorating the date.

“love?” he calls again, his voice a little louder. he keeps moving; notices there’s no smell of freshly baked goods or a home-cooked meal.

he rounds the corner, his eyes instantly finding the little note propped up on the dining table. eyebrows furrowed, he approaches. it’s addressed to him, clearly in your handwriting.

he reads it, and he really should’ve seen all of this coming.

he doesn’t cry. doesn’t even feel sad, really. it’s not like he hadn’t loved you— he had, but sometimes you made it really damn difficult to. your constant touches and words, doting on him, talking his ear off about this and that. he’d loved it at first, then came to tolerate it, and eventually he found himself hating it.

it wasn’t fair to you. he didn’t hate you, he hated the naivety. the unconditional love. partners were supposed to show each other that kind of love, were they not? so why did he come to despise it?

perhaps it was some deep rooted self-hatred. something dark and twisted inside of him that had done too much and taken life. killed and killed and killed. watched his comrades die in a number of ways. slowly. quickly. suddenly. brutally.

it hollowed him out, but it was his job. it was his job to do what he could for the damn world— get his hands dirty so people like you would never have to worry about a damn thing.

he should’ve seen it coming. you had been acting a little odd the last time he was home, he realizes now. detached, almost. quieter. he had cherished the quiet then.

now it was weird. he didn’t know how to feel.

he placed the note back down onto the table before making his way into the kitchen. some utensils were missing. some plates and bowls. the colorful dishrags you’d hung from the stove handle. the little plant you’d stationed in front of the window above the sink.

all the pictures of the two of you remained on the fridge. he could see in the photos how he slowly became detached. but you— god, you wore that dazzling smile in every photo.

he turned around and headed towards the bedroom.

——————————————————————

there wasn’t really any defining closure. you’d left the note, sure, but he hadn’t gotten to speak his piece.

would he have begged you to stay? told you to leave?

he didn’t know. all he knew was that it wasn’t fair to you, how he acted. what he did.

he also knew that if you called, or if you showed up and said you forgot something, or hell, if he saw you on the street, he’d say something. apologize at least, because that’s the least you deserved.

but you didn’t, and after a few days, he stopped thinking about you. what you’d be telling him right now if you were there. stopped thinking about how you sang when you cooked dinner. how you would reach for his hand when the two of you were in the grocery store.

how you would throw those damn ‘welcome home!’ parties.

he fell back into who he was, and your memory became nothing but a minuscule dot on a large piece of paper.

but for you? you had been miserable when you’d shown up at your friends apartment. cried into her shoulder as you told her about the note. sobbed as you realized that he didn’t care about you, and how you’d wasted so much time on this man who didn’t give a damn.

but even still, when you stirred in the middle of the night, you expected to feel his hands around your body. expected him to press a kiss to your head as you drifted back to sleep.

you woke up and expected him to be there. you forgot that he wasn’t yours. you found yourself missing him, even though you’d starting doing that far before you actually left.

it took the man you loved days to move on. it took you months— almost a year. he put you in fucking therapy, for god’s sake, because that shit messes with someone.

loving someone so completely, so wholly, only to finally realize it’s one sided? it’s crushing. he crushed you. but you picked up the pieces, and you put yourself back together.

you move on. find someone who actually cares for you— someone who communicates and doesn’t lose interest. someone who appreciates your enthusiasm. someone who returns it.

and when the man that broke your heart several years ago tries to stop you on the street one day,

you keep walking.

[atinyniki]

big heart, little actions.

group: stray kids !

pairing: idol!lee minho x f!reader

genre: angst, fluff

warnings + additional info: reader is referred to as y/n, established relationships, horror movies, nightmares, crying, reassurance, love confessions.

authors note: had a thought... so i wrote it ! this is also not proofread. english is not my first language, so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. happy reading :)

wc: 919

everyone knows how minho is, even his members. ever since you started talking, you’ve had to learn to get used to it. it was a little difficult to rid yourself of your habits, but you wanted to be as amazing of a girlfriend as you possibly could be to him.

unfortunately, that meant almost no touching. sometimes he’d hug you or hold your hand, but that was just about the extent of it. he did show love in other ways, of course.

he’d buy you gifts, help you make dinner, spend lots of time with you, but you crave more. it feels selfish to want even more than the things he had to offer, but you can’t help it. 

you’re big on skinship but he isn’t. you need to respect that, so that’s what you do. you show affection in the same ways he does, as to not clash with any of his boundaries.

today though, it became incredibly difficult. work has been getting incredibly exhausting, and you’re thinking about quitting. although it isn’t the best option, you’re miserable there. 

your boss hates you, as do your coworkers, completely confused as to why you’d work so hard with a rich boyfriend. things only got worse from there.

“jagi? i’m home!”

you turn your head slowly towards the door, giving him a light smile. “hey…”

“bad day?”

you nod your head lightly, and minho walks to the kitchen to fix you a plate of the food he brought home. 

he brings it to you once he’s done, sitting on the couch next to you but keeping a fair distance. “you wanna watch a movie? just to get your mind off it?”

“sure.”

the two of you sit in silence while the movie plays, jumpscares coming from every which direction. you flinch every time you see one, curling closer into the corner of the couch.

you don’t want to say anything of course, as it seems like minhos enjoying this. you try to suppress your little whimpers, squirming in your seat as to not disturb him. 

the movie ends, but you don’t even notice it, still too shaken up. “you okay?”

you only nod, scared that if you talk you’ll just spew out your fears along with word vomit.

you stand up, “i’m a bit tired. probably going to go to sleep…”

minho is a little confused, he knows how much you hate going to sleep early. you climb into bed, minho not far behind. “i’ll sleep too, then. i have nothing better to do anyways”, he giggles.

you smile at the sound of his laugh, missing the way his face would always scrunch up and show his perfect bunny teeth.

still too exhausted to speak, you lay down onto your side of the bed, facing minhos back.

you want to reach out so badly. you want to tell him to come closer, to hold you. to kiss you. but you can’t. the two foot long distance between the two of you still remains, but you’re too tired to cry about it now. 

you slowly drift off to sleep, trying not to think about it.

the peace didn’t last for long of course, and your slumber is broken by a blood curdling nightmare. maybe you shouldn’t have watched a horror movie tonight.

you suppress your sobs, keeping them down so that minho doesn’t hear, but it’s already too late.

he turns around, looking you in the eyes with a concerned look on his face. “why are you crying…?”

“oh, it’s nothing. just a nightmare.”

he nods in acknowledgment, thinking about ways he could possibly comfort you. you can tell he’s thinking just by the look on his face, but you don’t know what it’s about. 

you continue thinking about what happened in your nightmare, your sobs getting a little louder. minho didn’t notice it before because he was thinking, but it breaks him out of his trance.

almost immediately, he grabs your arm, pulling you flush against him. your eyes go wide, incredibly confused as to what’s happening right now.

he swipes away one of your tears with his thumb, his actions tender. “why don’t you ever touch me?”, you whisper.

he looks down at you, a little confused. “is my touch not comforting?”

“what? i- no! that’s not it, don’t worry. i just don’t like much physical contact.”

you nod your head, finally accepting the fact that these things aren’t gonna happen often, as much as your truly want them to. 

he cups your cheek with his hand, looking at you with stars in his eyes. “i love you.”

he catches you by surprise once again.

“what?”

he pulls you closer to him, nuzzling his nose against your cheek. “i love you. i’m sorry i don’t show it.”

before you can say anything, he cuts you off with a kiss. more specifically, the best kiss you’ve ever had.

the first kiss he’s ever given you.

“minho? is something wrong…?”

“no? why would anything be wrong?”

“i don’t know, you’re just… acting all sappy”

his heart clenches, he knows you don’t mean it in a bad way, and that you’re just confused. “i… i don’t like seeing you cry.”

he pulls you even closer again, kissing over your eyelids and gently rubbing your back with his hand.

you start crying even more, finally giving in and wrapping him in a hug. “thank you… i really needed this.”

“i did too.”

a moment of silence.

“minho.”

“hm?”

“i love you too.”

<3

[totally-not-here-for-the-smut]

So, @arcanavoid made me thinking about Lucio in their post

WELL THEN LETS TALK ABOUT LUCIO YOU BITCHES

Pleas keep in mind that I'm right now very drunk and I'm not a native speaker and the autocorrect for this phone can only do so much Also I'm in a different time zone so if you see this at, like 10 in the morning or whatever, no worries bc now is definitely night here and I also program my posts I have not a drinking problem thats why I cant hold my f-ing liquor

WELL THEN MY DEAR LUCIO and

WHY

as a person who is very close to people with serious mental illness, like i legit live with them

I THINK LUCIO'S ROUTE IS SO GREAT

Let's start with an assumption: we're all assholes. Somewhere in our life, maybe in the past, or present, or future, we are huge AH. It's not like we're evil and condemned to hell, it's just that as humans we're small, petty and miserable so we behave badly and are very selfish when big difficulties challenge us. Like, sometimes we manage to scramble enough willpower and common sense to act decently as we're afraid and suffering, but lots of times we don't and make shitty things. So here's my first point:

1. We all are a Lucio sometimes. Or often.

Like, way more than we want to admit. We're afraid, we're too full of ourselves, and we behave in petty ways. We're mean towards strangers, we feel happy in humiliating them and showing the world how better than anyone else we are. We need something bc we live in a world that doesn't grant basic human rights (food, shelter, health, safety and human connection), so we strain to get those things, sometimes at others' expenses. Then we tell ourself that those people deserved our scorn and malice because they're bad, and we tell us such lies because facing the guilt of what we've done is painful and complex.

We need to show ourselves we're better, so enjoy picking at others' mistakes without caring who they are in a whole (this is super easy on the internet). All this while low key ignoring what bad we're more or less responsible for.

And we are. Like, if you ever did buy something on sites like shein, you are actually exploiting poor people who are basically slaves. And you're keeping a blind eye on it.

But you know what? You're not evil for this. We're weak sometimes, we're tired, we have little time and really don't have the lucidity to think whether this stupid chicken breast is full of hormones and antibiotics or not. We're humans and we're small. Often we're sad, afraid and tired and we need a malicious self esteem bost.

Often, we're Lucio.

2. A flaming piece of trash can change. And doesn't need others' forgiveness to do so.

Did you notice how everyone is so eager to show of other people are wrong and bad and evil? That's because they, and we as well, need reassurance about how we're the hero of the story.

That's because we can't tolerate being the flaming piece of trash, because the the flaming piece of trash can't change and everyone hates them.

This idea is stupid.

It doesn't matter how low you fell. How many people you hurt, how many times you made the same stupid mistake or how many people deeply despise you. You still can change.

That's why is

So

Important

To have a Lucio route where it's shown he can choose to be better, no matter how deeply wrong his past deeds were.

The moment we understand this concept is the one our guilt becomes less heavy and we start being less judging of others. Granted.

This doesn't mean you're entitled to people's forgiveness - but the fact that YOU are willing to forgive yourself means that you can really change and forgive others. If some people won't forgive you, it will be fine, no need to hate them: you can always find new people to gift your better self to.

This is what happens to Lucio. Will Asra ever truly forgive him for making him and orphan and killing you? No. But this doesn't mean that Lucio will be a villain forever. He will be still able to change, become a good man and gift his goodness to the MC.

As MC says to Julian: you can always come back.

3. What it takes to change

Now, I'm in general rly humble when talking about mental health bc I'm no doctor nor therapist. But living with people who went through hell and managed to survive (and knowing people who sadly didn't), made me able to figure a couple of things. So, brace yourself. I'm about to give you the ultimate recipe of healing.

It takes two things:

Compassion and Accountability

When all is said and done, this things are the two main things it takes to change and heal. Compassion for believing you can change and deserve happiness, seeing the world through other people's eyes and accountability to motivate you into stop being a dick and owning the shit you did (so yeah, maybe you should stop blaming your parents for who you are, sry, but it doesn't serves your cause).

and there's one and only one way to get them:

Positive human connections.

That's it. When you go to the bone to it, that's how one can change, heal and survive.

It's reduced to the very bone, simple idea: the whole process is much more complicated and it's ok if you get lost in it. But at the very root, this is it.

And this is WHY Lucio's route it's so great:

MC shows compassion, because they don't recall him doing anything bad to them.

MC helps him being accountable. They doesn't shelter Lucio from his guilt, never.

MC believes in them but NEVER puts up with their shit

MC doesn't believe his lies and doesn't lie to them either. No games: they talk through everything, they're kind but firm and true.

MC helps him accept other people's scorn towards him

I love this route because it's the one where the MC is the most clever. There's a murder mistery? Let's ask the ghost of the murdered one who did it. Everyone is mad at him? Let them be. Not bc "he deserves it", but bc people are entitled to be mad at him and to their idea about him. He has troubles with his mother? Don't get between them. Listen, understand, let them unravel their shit. Ghosts are mad at him? Sit with him, but don't do his emotional weightlifting. Mc puts Lucio in front of his deeds and holds his hand as he deals with them.

Folks: THIS is how it's done irl.

4. No dumb justification & the danger of privilege

There are a lot of shows about "why villains are like this" that paint them as a poor misunderstood saint who was mistreated by their parents. Like in Once Upon a Time or the Disney Villain's Live actions. I hate that stuff because they distort the plot to make the villain a misunderstood anti heroe who was a victim all along, so he's justified.

Guess what: they're not. If you actions are evil there's no justification. No retelling of your story: you made very bad choice and were an AH and that's it.

This is what happens with Lucio: in his route his story doesn't gets to be retold. It's an honest story about how Lucio, the villain, can choose to be the better man and benefit from it. It's a story about the inherent dangers of Privilege:

Lucio's story shows how dangerous privilege can be: he wasn't hold accountable for his actions while he was alive, bc he was pretty, powerful and rich. He loses his privilege, he gets his ass kicked, he find motivations to change in his desire to be loved. I know irl folks who got to adulthood without having to face how shitty they were bc of social privilege. It literally kept them from changing, healing and be happy. So beware, folks. Your privilege might be harming you in the first place, and the day you will face who you truly are without it WILL come. The later, the worst.

So, this is why I love Lucio's route. It's relatable and helps us to find the courage to face our demons, knowing that we can change. Knowing that we can forgive ourselves and accept others' scorn. It WILL be hard, it WILL be painful, there WILL be consequences, but eventually it will be worth the hassle.

So, long live the goatman, for he can change. And so do we.

[piliberry]

Demon Slayer Headcanons

Genya, Tanjiro, Inosuke and Zenitsu x GN reader (Orange cat behavior)

Request of @miserable-homo-momo

Genya

💜 At the beginning he didn't like you at all, he couldn't stand your behavior is so childish and he hated every single prank you played on him.

💜 You enjoyed seeing his exaggerated reactions and you did it just to get him to notice you, even if he couldn't understand it right away.

💜 "You're really unbearable! I swear I'll punch you" and you consequently looked at him amused "so why haven't you done it yet? Do you care about me so much?" his would turn all red and he would leave pissed off.

💜 After the fight against Hantengu, You noticed that he was changing and had become kinder towards you...at least he tried.

💜 "I'm sorry for answering you badly... even if you exaggerated every single time" he said it slightly annoyed, but in reality it seemed to you that you were bothering him too much "you're right...I'm sorry on my behalf...although it's fun to do haha! "

💜 Little by little you got closer and closer, and Genya started to better understand a feeling that he had hidden for a long time that he felt for you... and one day he wanted to be completely honest with you.

Tanjiro

❤️ Tanjiro thinks that you are very nice, maybe you exaggerate every now and then but he forgives you easily. As he got to know you better, he realized that he had feelings for you and when he sees you he ends up stuttering and blushing.

❤️He is very present for you, he will do anything to help you and you find this generous and kind-hearted side of him adorable. Without being seen, he tells every single detail about you to his sister because he knows she wouldn't tell anyone.

❤️When you tease him, he gets embarrassed very quickly but it manages to be too honest to be funny.

" In your opinion... do I have nice eyes? I want you to be sincere " you look at him smiling "Um...um...um...yes...t-they are so beautiful..." he replies not looking you in the eyes and laughing nervously, you look at him blushing " oh...thanks".

❤️When he goes on a mission, he brings you some little gifts and tells you happily "when I saw it I thought of you!" and you immediately think it's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done to you and you always accept it willingly.

❤️One winter night, you were together chatting about everything and on that fateful day Tanjiro decided to confess "I...I have something to tell you...I hope it's the same for you too..." you immediately answer him " do you want to go out with me?....oh I'M SO SORRY " but he smiles at you confused "uhm...actually yes...you're right ahaha..." there was a minute's silence.

"Anyway yes...I would really love to go out with you "

❤️Ever since you got together, everyone thought you were a really nice couple, in fact later you got married and your love has always remained faithful between you.

Inosuke

💙You really hate each other a lot: on the one hand you can't stand his wild character and his constant shouting, on the other hand he can't stand it when you always make fun of him and laugh at his outbursts.

💙You also tried to get along with him, but every time he calls you "stupid cat" you feel like punching him and you almost didn't succeed. Every time he thinks he's better than you in everything, especially in combat, and you try to ignore it but when it crosses the line you can't control yourself.

💙 "You can't compete with me you stupid cat! "

"You're the stupid one here! You don't even have a brain and you just end up getting us in trouble"

" WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY YOU BITCH!? "

" YOU HEARD ME YOU UGLY IMBECILE "

" Tanjiro please stop them"

" No no...you do it Zenitsu"

💙Over time he became friendlier, he started to have more respect for you and you did too...everyone was amazed at your behavior... but obviously you continue to insult each other.

💙For your birthday he gave you a gift... quite strange... like...a bag with your face badly drawn on it...he's not good with gifts but at least he gave you one.

💙 "Do you happen to know what a kiss is? "He looks at you confused " Um yes...don't you? " he pretends to know "of course of course I know! In fact I always do it" you look at him amused "and would you give it to me?" Inosuke laughs nervously "could you...give me one actually...because...I heard...um..." you didn't understand what he wanted to do but when in doubt you please him, you give him a kiss on the cheek and he is shocked.

Zenitsu

🧡 " (Y/N)!!!! How are you? You look so cute today haha...do you want to..."

" Please don't talk to me ".

🧡Ever since he developed a crush on you, he never left you alone, you liked him a lot but...it was really oppressive and just made him a loser (who deep down you liked that way).

🧡He was such a coward that every time he would hide behind you and beg you to help him on some difficult mission.

"You have to help me! There's no way I can do it alone! "

" Okay...but you owe me a favor"

" I'll do anything you want I promise! "

"perfect...first we have to go through this road...ZENITSU DID YOU ESCAPE???"

Obviously he would go back because he couldn't abandon you like that.

🧡You happen to find some love letters from him, he wrote a lot of poems for you but they're so sappy it gives you a stomach ache.

" For my dear (Y/N)~ I hope to marry you one day! "

🧡You've seen him in his "fight" mode more than once and it makes you wonder how he does it (you find he so cool! But you're ashamed to tell him and pretend nothing happened).

🧡“Are you going to marry me or not?”

"Don't you think it's a little early? And then I never told you that I like you"

" DO YOU LIKE ME!? "

"But why are you screaming like this...anyway...I don't know"

" Please I need to know! I'm madly in love with you! "

"what a pain...yes I like you...are you happy now?"

" I'M SO HAPPY AHAHA "

"...stupid..."

[inkblot22]

Shattered Glass

I have been putting zero effort into these titles lmao help me

TW for yandere, captivity, sadism, physical abuse, condescending behavior. Yandere punishments are something I'd like to write more of, so this is what that is.

You hate it when he takes off his glasses.

You don’t even know what you did wrong this time. Why is he upset? He always does the same few motions, same few things before he “disciplines” you, and you always hate it.

First, he takes off his glasses and places them calmly by his side. He always does so, never faltering once in his tradition. Is it because he doesn’t trust you not to break them when you inevitably fight back, or is it because he doesn’t want to risk them falling off of his face or getting fogged up or something similar? You don’t know, and you’d argue that you don’t want to know.

Trey slips them off of his face and tucks them in his pocket, giving you a wan smile, his eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly as he takes a few steps closer to where you sit on your makeshift bed in this dumb gardening shed.

His voice is neutral when he speaks, “Honey…” That’s the other thing he does. Step two. Trey uses some pet name to refer to you, his voice betraying no emotion as he steps closer towards you. It makes you feel tense, triggers that primal fight or flight reflex into freeze. When he crouches before you and cups your chin, that thin smile falling into a disappointed frown, you do the same thing you’ve always done.

You shove him away and try to run. You would imagine after however many months you’ve been here, you would have learned your lesson on trying to fight back or get away, because it plays like it was rehearsed. You kick backwards after shoving his hands away from you, sprawling out onto the thin mat you’ve called a bed for the past three or so months before you regain your balance and swivel your body so you can run.

Trey is sweet. Trey is sweet and kind, he has this warm, brotherly personality and a generous heart. But Trey is also a sadistic asshole, which is why he always waits until you’ve taken one step, only one step away from being out of arm’s reach, to grab your ankle and yank backwards as strongly as he can.

Trey isn’t a small guy either. When he does it, every single time it plays like a twisted slapstick cartoon, with you crashing to the ground with a resounding thud, rattling the old rakes and shit in here. And every time it happens, he always makes this smug little face, especially when you start kicking at him.

“Aw, c’mon, honey, don’t do that. You’re only gonna hurt yourself.” He says it like he’s talking to a child.

When he says you’ll hurt yourself, he typically means that he is going to hurt you, but it’ll be your fault. You learned that the first time you had an “argument,” but you suppose you are lucky because he isn’t brutal. He doesn’t derive sick pleasure from the simple sight of you in pain, he derives pleasure from the broken look in your eyes when you give up for the moment. 

With his hands clamped around both your ankles at this point, he smiles briefly and step three begins. He yanks you closer in one swift movement and slaps you hard across the apple of your cheek. It’s always so loud, and you imagine to an outsider you just look more like a married couple in the 50s when it happens. His hands are solid, likely as a result of kneading dough for basically his whole life. You usually have to fight back the tears after it happens, often failing miserably.

As you recover from the blow, that single, stinging blow, he pulls you up by the shoulders and leans close to your face, close enough so you can feel the breath puffing out of his nose on your face. He smiles again before step four in the punishment process occurs.

He calmly explains what you did that caused him to get upset. 

“Why did you think that freshman would help you?” It was a one in a million chance. The gardening shed you’ve been holed away in has been abandoned for a while since Heartslaybul got a much larger, much nicer one, but sometimes the freshmen get the two mixed up, especially since they’re both fairly easy to find and look near identical, the only true difference in peeling paint and other weathering.

Trey’s eyes are sharp when he asks the question. It isn’t why you asked for help, since his denial of the situation he has put you in is nonexistent, and it isn’t how could you ask for help, because he doesn’t expect you to be so irrational that you think you belong here yet. No, he wants to know what you expected would happen, why you thought that your plan would pan out.

His glasses are still tucked securely in his pocket, he’s cupping your chin, and you think you’re out of luck. Because despite all, despite him being a sweet, kind man by nature, Trey is a sadist, and he won’t stop until you break.

[v0idtalking]

July 1st, 2023

angry angry angry angry. hate this man angry angry hate hate hate him.

can never get rid of him either bc we are so fucking poor and have no choice I hate this country. i hate the supreme court too are you fucking kidding me not only do i have to deal with this fucking situation even though they are fucking divorced and im an adult (theres a child in the mix and i have to watch her suffer like i did and provide for her where he doesnt) but i also have to deal with increasing hate crimes and the descent into fascism and my country actively and legally discriminating against me. dont even get me started on the isolation and neglect and my powerlessness when it comes to both those things. i fucking hate.

it is so hard to keep going toward a future where i might be happy because i simply might be too poor or i might simply get fucking killed or simply fall into a depression again and again and again. it never ends. never a way out. i can only keep going and i will keep going for her because I have no choice no fucking choice never a choice and on the rare chance i do im sure I usually make the wrong one. even if i make the right one im always fucking in a rut. doomed since birth because of who and what and where and when and it never leaves and tends to get worse even under the illusion of getting better.

so angry so angry its already so hard and im just about in the most vulnerable and difficult and disheartening position out of all of them and he then goes and makes it fucking harder and im powerless and cant do anything EVER! im a fucking kid again and I will never forgive him. i never have. ive only been civil unlike fucking him.

i love parts of him but mostly i dislike the whole of him. I know i dont have to justify anything he knows what he's done over and over and how he's purposely and directly and to our faces hurt all of us. I dont have to justify but i am not as heartless as he is and i need to keep with that. i dont wish him ill will but i want him gone for almost forever and when he is gone from this world i will mourn but i will dually feel relief and if that isnt the saddest thing.

you miserable little man. are you proud of yourself. is this all worth it. you're pathetic. Yeah I will keep fucking going and it will suck the whole time but at least one day ill get us away from you and your power over us.

the power which is only financial. men like you have no power. there is only ash in your mouth where you convince yourself there is the sweetness of superiority, the sourness of being a victim. you delusional pathetic ass. one day you will be entirely alone. I will get us out from under you, out from under this scheme you pulled.

and you will have nothing. you will be nothing. and it will be your fault. and you know that. you perpetuate it for your insecure delusions. and we know it too. so go ahead and wait. god knows I am. im really just biding my time here. you may have the advantage now. but that will change and when it does you will never hear from me. i will be gone and in my absence there will be power. fuck you.

you know how this ends. enjoy your selfmade condemnation. it will feel a lot worse than how youve made us feel and what im feeling now. live with it you miserable old shit. try living with yourself and see what happens 🖕

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #150

What kind of movies are you drawn to? Horror for sure, and I also like those with complex fantasy worlds. Well-written, interesting stories are what I care about most, though. Wholesome stuff is also excellent, like I'll always be a Disney and Pixar fan.

What breakfast are you most likely to have? I tend to go through phases where it's almost always cereal or a meal replacement shake.

What career field could you see yourself in? Something involving artistic expression.

What section do you drift toward at bookstores? Young adult fantasy stuff.

Do you like fried chicken? I actually hate it.

Do you think your parents are proud of you and what you do with your life? Mom tells me she's proud of me for how hard I fight and try to improve, but I feel like a disappointment regardless. I don't know how Dad feels.

Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad and his wife do.

Do you enjoy classic rock? I definitely do.

How do you discover new music? Primarily YouTube recommendations, but also Girt.

List three things that you love about your favorite season. The variety of leaf colors, the temperature, Halloween and its whole aesthetic.

Zombies or unicorns? Unicorns. :')

Candy corn or conversation hearts? omg I absolutely hate both, but candy corn is still worse imo, it's fucking wax

Brownies or cookies? Brownies, generally, but there are times I'd prefer cookies.

What are three of the most disgusting foods, in your opinion? Balut, escargot, clams.

Have you ever had a migraine? UGH yes, it's a fucking miserable experience and I'm VERY grateful they are extremely rare for me.

What’s one medication that you take every day? I take a whoooole lot more, but Wellbutrin is one.

Who was your third grade teacher? Her name was Mrs. Britt.

What’s the weather like today where you live? It's rainy all day on-and-off, and it's quite chilly for this time of year (65*F).

What is one thing you like that a lot of people don’t? Vulture culture, which is basically the use of naturally deceased animals and their parts for artistic creation. I do think it can be done distastefully, but there are breathtaking VC pieces created with much love from the artist.

What is one thing that everyone else seems to like that you don’t? Television. I've started liking it more when I'm watching stuff with Girt, but in general, it really doesn't interest me.

When was the last time you went swimming? Recently, because I did some aqua therapy at PT versus always on land.

Do you have other identities/words you relate to/associate with but don't necessarily identify as? I guess somewhat nonbinary, like gender just means nothing to me personally and I'm definitely a mix of both the traditionally feminine and masculine, but I'm perfectly fine with being a woman to myself and others, I have no interest in transitioning.

How do you want to be perceived as, aesthetically/socially? (i.e dainty, mature, strong, child-like, ethereal, etc.) Uh, strong is definitely one. I'd like to be less skittish and jumpy, and able to stay calm in tough situations. I always want to be seen as a caring person.

Does your partner share your orientation? (Do they identify the same as you?) No, I'm pan and he's straight. We're both cis, though.

When was the last time you experienced a pleasant surprise? Girt showed up with flowers when he came over last as a congrats on finishing physical therapy. <3 I had no idea, but it was really sweet.

When was the last time you were in any amount of pain? This is super super minor for now, but I'm definitely feeling my period incoming because of cramps.

What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed inside? How about outside? Hell, weeks. Maybe even around a month. Outside, I'm really not sure, but probably sometime as a kid.

Who was the last person to hug you? Do you hug this person often? Girt, and yes, every time I see him.

What was the last show you watched? Have you seen it before, or is it something you’re watching for the first time? Girt and I finished watching Dark the other day; we watched all three seasons so it definitely wasn't the first time haha.

Do you enjoy Jim Carrey movies? I do, he's a really funny guy imo with fantastic and very recognizable acting skills, and from what I've heard he's a hell of a good guy too.

Do you remember what the last kind of gum was that you had? Not really, but I thiiiink some mint thing.

Do you enjoy watching shows about survival? Why/why not? They can be interesting; my mom likes watching Naked and Afraid a lot, and while you can learn some cool things, for me personally I've always found these kinds of challenge shows pointless just because of how miserable the contestants always end up. Like the psychological and physical toll you take just to say "yeah I survived in the jungle for a month despite not actually needing to" is SOOOOOO not worth it imo.

Do you have any nicknames for your significant other? Well "Girt" is already a nickname, it's just how I've always known him. He gets the usual partner petnames as well.

Have you ever set up your best friend with someone? Yes and then we flirted behind her back and he eventually broke up with her because he wanted to be with me despite not even ACTUALLY knowing each other christ I would kick 12 y/o Brittany off a fucking mountain lmfao

What’s the worst car accident you or a friend has ever gotten into? I'm not sure. Seeing the picture of my little sister's old car when she got in a wreck with a fucking 18-wheeler makes me want to say that, like the car was entirely totaled, but Nicole - thank fucking god - came out with only seatbelt bruises/scars and I think a headache and general body soreness. You would NOT have expected her to come out even alive; that was a super fucking scary day, I can still hear in my head my mom sobbing on the phone with Ashley finding out where she was and straight bulleting for the hospital. It took her a LONG time to stop crying, long after seeing that Nicole was fine. I don't think I have ever in my life seen my mom that scared and upset.

Has one of your exes ever been the cause of a breakup between you and a boyfriend? No.

What’s something that has made you realize just how much you care and love someone else? When I went into the hospital last March, I was once again freaking out over if I liked Girt in a truly romantic way, but let me tell you, the night he called me while I was there just to talk to me like I was a normal person that he cared to speak to, I fucking knew I loved him, like it was the flip of a switch. Even the staff, who knew me as the gravely depressed patient, could tell how different I was after that. I think the reason it worked that way was I just remembered calling Jason at the hospital right after the breakup when I needed to get stuff from his place, and he was just so "I don't want to be speaking to you whatsoever" and it cut me so deep, deeper than I realized until this phone call from Girt, because it was as if that suddenly healed the wound and shoved in my face, "See? This is how someone is supposed to love you." He called me almost every day while I was there, making time for me even on his work days, and it was always the highlight of that day. This guy just never gives up on me and I owe him so much for that.

What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? My sweet Teddy boy.

What’s the longest you’ve gone without talking to someone when you were mad? A few days.

How long does it take you to normally take a shower? Somewhere around ten minutes. I've never understood how long some people can regularly stay in the shower, like I'm getting clean and getting out.

Have you ever burned incense before? Yes, I like doing that.

Ever been on a picnic? No, but I really want to one day as a date with Girt, once doing so is reasonable with my legs. He was all for it when I brought it up and it made me so happy lol

Do you live with your parents? Only my mom.

What do you call them? Mom/Mama/Ma and Dad/Daddy.

Do you know one of your best friend's major secrets? I actually don't know just how much of a secret it is to his family, but I do know something he certainly doesn't openly share or brag about.

What does your best friend look like? He's tall, slim, pale Caucasian with naturally black wavy/curly-ish short hair but it's graying early like his dad (he hates it, a lot), brown eyes, and he wears pretty normal glasses.

Describe their personality in 3 words: Loyal, reclusive, and funny.

Are you weary of displaying signs of affection for your significant other around adults? Why or why not? Not at all, but also we are adults. I just don't think showing love for someone should be something you should be ashamed of.

Have you ever had red velvet cake or carrot cake? Have you ever made either of those? I enjoy both, but red velvet cake is absolutely on top. I don't bake or even just cook.

If you could see any band/musician in concert, dead or alive, who would you see? Rammstein; not only because they're my favorite, but because their concerts are legendary for how fun and impressive they are.

Are the members of your favorite band still alive? I'm stunned Ozzy is still alive lol, immensely grateful for that, but still. I know he's had at least one bandmate in his solo career to die, former guitarist Randy Rhoads, but I'm not sure about others. Rammstein's lineup is still what it's always been since they started in the 90s.

Who is your favorite rapper? Eminem is the only rapper I know of whose music isn't unordinary for me to like when I hear it.

Favorite country singer/band? Tim McGraw, probably. I do love Carrie Underwood's voice, though.

Favorite female solo vocalist? Honestly not sure, I'd have to think for a while and I don't feel like it.

Favorite male solo vocalist? Again, not so sure on the solo part, so I guess Ozzy by default. His voice is entirely recognizable, like you're not gonna mistake him for someone else, so that makes him stand out, but he's not my favorite voice ever from an audibly pleasing perspective.

Favorite female-headed band? Otep.

Favorite male-headed band? Rammstein.

Who was your favorite musician when you were a kid? Backstreet Boys were first, then Jesse McCartney.

If you had to get a tattoo based off of a movie, what would you get? I actually want a Simba tattoo one day, y'know, the art Rafiki does of him on rock with the addition of his mane and the quote "remember who you are" on it, and I'm even very into the idea of a "hakuna matata" tattoo as someone with such severe anxiety.

What book series do you like? Wings of Fire by Tui T. Sutherland is my reading thing now.

Name one biography you’ve read? I read Ozzy's autobiography as a teen.

Do you have any reading disabilities? No, thankfully.

Who are your favorite artists? I have many, I adore Emil Melmoth's sculpture work, Mothmeister's pictures, Anastasiya Dobrovolskaya is my favorite photographer, and for actual drawings/paintings, I fucking love NukeRooster, Puffygator, Maquenda, Sandara, and Culpeo-Fox, all their social account names bc I don't know personal names.

What is your favorite period of art? I don't really have one.

Do you prefer classic art or modern art better? Both can be fantastic, I don't have a strong preference. I WILL say that I very much enjoy the sheer physicality of classic work, no tablets or fancy Photoshop brushes, etc.

Do you have any art or prints of famous artworks on your walls? No famous work, no.

If you are good, or were good, what kind of things do you/do you think you would paint? Primarily meerkats of course, probably mostly OCs in various RP scenes or just incorporated into cool concepts. I would love to be able to do this, well.

Do you consider architecture an art? OF COURSE, you can't ask an art history student this question and expect them to say no, architecture is some of the earliest and most grand forms of art.

Are you good at photography? I sure hope so seeing as I'm trying to build a career off of it. I do genuinely think I'm better than average at it, but I've still got skills to hone in and also further train my artistic eye from a technical perspective.

Do you know anyone who has ODed or died while high? Well, I didn't know him, but I know of him and care very much about it because this person was Girt's nephew's father. It's an absolutely heart-rending story.

Is weed really the gateway drug? It can be, yes; I know people who started with weed and went worse, so you can't convince me it never is.

Who are your closest friends right now? Besides my boyfriend, Mazzy and Tez.

Have you ever become legit friends with someone you met at work? No.

[lorcan-chan]

The only characters I don’t like are Umbridge (for obvious reasons) and Dumbledore (because he screwed up way too many times trying to do the right thing, kept way too many secrets, let children be abused, and raised a boy to die). I love Snape and hate how he’s vilified. He’s so complex but no one wants to look past the fact that he was a bitter and mean teacher who singled out students to torment. Like, I could understand the hate of that was all we ever knew about him. But it’s not. We know this man had a horrible childhood and only had one friend who he loved (maybe a bit obsessively, though he never did anything to make himself a creep towards her; and yes, I know he tore out “love Lily” from a letter and kept it, but that was after she died and all he wanted was a bit of her love for himself). We know he was tormented by the popular and rich kids. That he felt he had to prove his worth (to the wrong people unfortunately). That he lost the only good thing in his life. Fell victim to manipulators. Lost himself. Risked his life to try and save the only person he cared about. Spent the rest of his life secretly trying to keep Harry alive (it wasn’t even him trying to redeem himself, more like guilt and Dumbledore forcing him to keep living his miserable life to make up for the fact that he got Lily killed). And yea, he was a grade A jerk. He enjoyed tormenting kids. And well, I can understand why. There comes a point, when you are so miserable, that the only way to even try to feel remotely better about yourself, is to hurt others. And well, it never works. You still feel awful. And you either keep at it and hope one day the pain you feel will go away, or you give up hurting others and try to find another way to ease your pain. He didn’t really have an option to find another way. He was stuck as a spy at Hogwarts. He needed both sides of the war to see him as awful. He was never safe. He never got the chance to heal. He went from an abusive home as a child, tormented at Hogwarts, working for a crazy evil monster, working as a spy against the monster, working for a man who used him without hesitation, dealing with children when he was only a few years out of childhood himself, stuck with having to play nice with the old pure blood crowd, still teaching children of people who either tormented him or were on the bad side, seeing the child of his tormenter and dead love when he’s ever properly grieved, working with his school tormentors, watching children fight on both sides of a war, killing the only person who saw any good in him, being hated for things he had no choice in, and dying without having been able to move past Lily and find any happiness. And I feel so sorry for him. And no one wants to admit that people who are abused become abusers, intentionally or not. And he saw no reason not to be one. Like I said, he’s vilified without anyone acknowledging his background.

But James, Sirius and Lupin are praised.

James tormented Snape because he was close to Lily. Because in my opinion, he couldn’t understand why she would be friends with a poor and “ugly” and pathetic guy, when she could hang out with a rich funny and good looking guy like him. We don’t know if he ever grew out of that. He never made up with Snape or apologized. He went from being a bully, to fighting a war to being a father and husband in hiding. We know he was a good dad and loved Harry. He was a good husband. But we never see him atone for what he had done in school. Mainly because he died. But because he died to save his wife and son, everything he did in the past is glossed over. Everyone only has good things to say about him. Probably because it’s not good to talk bad about the dead. But also because he was made a martyr. Everyone only has good things to say about him, as if they forgot that he was a bully. Snape is the only one who talks crap about him, because he has no reason to praise him.

Sirius, I think, saw himself in Snape. Someone who was abused by family. (People who suffer the same way tend to notice the same abuse in others, in my opinion). And he hates it. Hates that they both share a weakness. And he doesn’t want to admit it. And he hates that he clings to James the way Snape clings to Lily. So he hates Snape. Because a part of him hates himself. He feels weak. So he works to make Snape weak. To give James what he wants, Lily. He clings to his privilege to rub it in Snape’s face. Like being rich makes up for the fact that him mother hates him. And maybe Sirius hates that Snape never ran away from home. He stuck it out. Mostly because he had no other options and wouldn’t admit to being abused. While Sirius made sure to let James know how awful his mother was and ran away to live with James the first chance he got. And maybe that makes him feel weaker than Snape. That he had to run away and admit what was happening while Snape refused to back down. He hates that Snape never backs down. That no matter how many times they knock him down, he gets back up. Maybe he felt victorious when Lily left Snape and refused to forgive him. Or maybe he felt angry that even after that, Snape picked himself back up and refused to show how broken he was. But that forced Snape into the arms of Death Eaters, and it reinforced in everyone’s mind that Snape was no good and had never been.

Lupin was an enabler. An excuser. He sat back and watched as his friends tormented another boy, but never stood up to them. Because he was scared. Afraid to lose his friends. He chose not to stand up and do the right thing. And even as an adult, he may have tried to get along with Snape, but when Snape (rightfully in my opinion, refused to forgive and forget) Lupin wrote him off. He didn’t keep Sirius from insulting Snape. He tried to curb Harry’s hatred of him, but backed down when Harry refused to. He just stood by. He even wanted to leave his wife and newborn to go run off with Harry and co. Because that’s what he would have done with James and Sirius. Run headfirst into danger without thinking of the consequences. But Harry shut that down. Because he didn’t want to be the reason Teddy had no father. Lupin was a coward, masquerading as a brave man. He had his moments of bravery, he died to save the world, but I feel that he would have been truly brave by doing what James and Lily never did. Run away. He should have taken his wife and son and left the country. But he didn’t and he and his wife became another James and Lily.

And Lily, well, I feel she was too unforgiving to her best friend. She didn’t see things from his point of view. She was too star struck by magic, and Hogwarts and Gryffindor to look at how things were for him. It’s hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes when you’ve never experienced what they have. She saw the bullying. But it wasn’t towards her. She found some of it funny. Probably used to it from constant exposure to James and co doing the same thing to people in their own house. She wasn’t poor like Snape. She was pretty. She had other friends. Snape’s plight, might have seemed like his own fault. Or not a big deal. It’s just pranks. But when do pranks end and bullying begin? When it’s constant. But she didn’t see everything. Snape wasn’t one to complain and tell her how hard he was having it. So she didn’t see past her own nose. She may have stuck with Snape in the beginning, but I think the moment they got to Hogwarts, she had already moved on from him. He was nearly a childhood friend that she kept around. Because if he had truly meant anything to her, she wouldn’t have abandoned him. Sure he had been losing her friendship before he called her a Mudblood, but when you truly care for someone, you fight for them. You don’t give up until it gets to a point that you have to prioritize yourself. He had never hurt her before that. But she heard the word of hate and blood supremacy and wrote him off as a lost cause. She didn’t even try to save him from himself. Or listen to him. She didn’t look back. And that’s not a true friend. Snape valued her more than she valued him. Because she had other options. He didn’t. I think Snape made her into a saint that she wasn’t. And she made him into a villain that he wasn’t. I think if she had been less pretty, from the worse side of town, and had been tormented a bit more form James and co, she wouldn’t have abandoned Snape. She got teased by them at best. Snape had four people against him everyday. And she didn’t seem to see a problem with that. Not always at least. Not when James was handsome, charming and funny.

This turned into a jumbled rant. But I feel like the people who hate Snape as a character, have never felt the cold sting of bullying or abuse. Have never truly suffered. And are able to just be happy. Or if they have and still hate him, maybe they hate him because they are scared that that could have been them. Cold and bitter and alone.

I will never understand the whole "stan James Potter" thing. I'm sure some people just say it to piss off Snape fans, and to that all I can say is that I hope they find something better to do with their free time. But I will never understand the people who genuinely mean it. God forbid people be fans of characters who aren't objectively a "good person". If you're going to say that (as brain dead of an opinion as it is to have) at least follow your own line of logic. James Potter sexually harassed Snape. He was rich, privileged and entitled. He was very obviously a bully. He pestered a girl who had no interest in him until she caved and went out with him. He is not a "good person" either. If you're going to spew this bullshit rhetoric at least fucking be consistent. I find James pretty repulsive. But I'm mature enough to not give a shit when I see people enjoying a character that I don't. Is it too much to ask for that kind of decency to be reciprocated?

[dearhargrove]

Heat

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: basically the sauna scene from season 3 but with you. Also, I changed the events a bit so beware

ʙɪʟʟʏ ʜᴀʀɢʀᴏᴠᴇ x ғ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

𝔱𝔴'𝔰: violence, Billy being an asshole ;(

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 2,974

reader is Billy's age, reader has powers bcs I love that concept

𝔞/𝔫: you don't know how badly I've been wanting to write this but didn't have the motivation... so enjoy! Though this is more for me than anything ngl

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Planning how you were going to free Billy from the Mind Flayer was a lot different from executing it. You were as excited as you were scared, having had your lover be distant and hateful for the past weeks. All in all, you were tired of it. You take a deep breath, standing behind the kids and waiting for Billy to realize he'd been locked into the sauna.

You watch as his face contorts into anger and he clenches his jaw, stepping to the glass. The boys back up a little, Billy's presence more than scary.

"You better get me out of here right now, you shitheads." he threatened, his voice low. You gulped, looking around. Lucas was checking on Max, who's been the most hurt from this - along with you. Max gathered herself and raised her head in a brave way.

You turn back to your boyfriend, just as he starts banging his fists on the door, waiting for what he still thinks to be a prank, to be over. You bite your lip, taking pity on him.

You couldn't describe how badly you wanted to open the door and take him in your arms. It'd been so long since he even looked at you with a fond look in his eyes. You missed him. So fucking badly.

You flinch when he falls down, seeing Lucas and Mike cast nervous glances at each other. What's happening?

You can't help but slightly freak out when he starts sobbing. You dig your finger nails into your palm and try to take deep breaths.

The moment he starts whimpering about it not being his fault you break. There's a short moment of no one doing anything. You take a step forward, fully convinced you could go in there and calm him down right now.

Will holds you firmly by your wrist, shaking his head. You breathe heavily, scared.

"It's not my fault, Max." Billy whimpers and you wait for him to say more. Max starts walking towards the door and you get nervous. She couldn't get hurt. You don't think you'd ever be able to forgive yourself if any of them got hurt - but Max especially. She's been somewhat of a little sister to you since you met Billy, so obviously you cared for her a lot.

She stops in front of the window, head tilted downwards, probably to where Billy was sitting.

It was a bit hard to understand, the blood rushing in your ears making it harder to hear. "I've done things, Max. Really-" your heard him gasp through a sob, "really bad things. I didn't mean to. He made me do it." You frowned. While you were all aware of the Mind Flayer taking over Billy's mind, you had never taken into consideration just how fucked up this really was. Sure, you didn't take this lightly. You'd be stupid to.

But the realization that Billy couldn't control what he was doing, that there was something in his mind, was horrifying. And if Max and El had been right and he was the one to abduct all the people, you couldn't imagine the terror he was going through knowing he did that.

"Like a giant shadow." Billy described the Mind Flayer. Max continued asking about what it had made Billy do, but he broke down again - understandably. This was probably his first time since being the host that he had a clear mind, so this must be a fucking lot.

You feel miserable. How did this happen? How could you let this happen to him? All because you got drunk one night and he had to pick you up. Except he'd never arrived and you got a vision later of his car crashing and some big shadow taking him over.

Billy begs for Max's forgiveness and you see her start crying, too. A silent tear rolls down your cheek but you stay silent, waiting for what would happen next.

In the next second Will touches his neck and Billy breaks the glass of the small window, screaming at us to let him out along with other insults.

You gather in the middle of the room, just as Billy starts grunting and lights flicker.

Black veins spread over his torso and he starts throwing his body against the door.

The second it breaks, El steps in front of you, her hand held up.

You have half a mind to push her towards Mike, stepping closer to Billy.

"Billy..." you slowly say, catching his attention. For a second there's a flicker of recognition in his eyes, before the eerie emptiness takes them over again. He clenches his teeth, taking a step closer to you.

"I don't want to hurt you, please..." you cry, tears already running down your cheeks and your hands shaking.

While El was only able to lift things and move them telepathically for a limited period of time, you were a lot stronger and more trained as well as experienced. She had made it out of the lab before she became a teenager, but you had been captured there until you were 15.

He falters for a moment before stepping so close to you, you felt his breath on your face.

"Billy..." you pleased once more and in a moment of weakness you missed his hand shooting forwards, grabbing you by the neck.

You choked on a breath, hands gripping his. You could use your powers but you weren't ready to hurt him. Not him, not when didn't deserve it. "Please..!" you coughed and saw out of the corner of your eye as El's hand lifted and something started tugging him backwards, away from you.

"y/n! Do something!" Max screamed, wanting to help but not being able to. You tried looking at her and realized that you'd have to hurt him in order to rescue him. Taking a breath you turned to him, glaring. You loosen your hands on his wrist, his grip around your throat having lessened due to Eleven helping.

You know he noticed when he tried keeping you in place, but didn't succeed. You raised your hand, closing your eyes. You couldn't do this while looking at him.

The familiar feeling returned to your hands and you closed one to make a fist. You hear him gasp for air before you feel him letting you go. Your eyes start watering as you open them trying to steady yourself.

There was nothing more torture than having to hurt him like this. You sobbed and let your hand fall, whispers of 'I'm sorry.' and 'please forgive me' falling from your lips. You didn't register Billy getting up again and moving towards Eleven.

"No! Get away from her!" you hear Mike yell, picking up discarded pipe and hitting Billy over the head with it. You gather your strength as you see Mike getting in front of El.

"Don't hurt her, you piece of shit!" he grunted at your boyfriend.

You saw it as your opportunity, getting up and lifting both of your hands this time.

You let out a pained noise as you see Billy starting to levitate, his arms stretching and the black of the Mind Flayer flooding his body once again. You walk around him until you're in front of him. "Leave him alone!" you scream, your voice breaking. You watch as the black shadow that had caused so much pain and anger starts coming out of his mouth, that was forced open.

You hear him choking and breathe in desperately, the air coming to you less and less as it was starting to take a toll on you.

You fell to your knees, trying to win this fight that would only last a few more minutes. You didn't feel Eleven helping you out, but you hear as she falls to the floor, passing out in Mike's arms.

The help that she gave leaves abruptly and it all becomes too much as you momentarily lose consciousness.

The friends watch helplessly as Mike and Lucas try getting El out of the way while Max rushed to your side. "No! Wake up!" she sobs histerically.

Billy laughs in the most frightening way so far and lunches forward, Will barely able to pull Max into his arms and out of the way. Billy takes you by the neck just as you'd woken again. He throws you against the wall, the contact making you wheeze as the air leaves your lungs once again.

You try getting up, but before you're able to, he grabs you by your throat and pushes you against the wall. "Not so brave now, huh?" he grins, the empty look back in his eyes.

You see everything as if in slow-motion, Will trying to keep Max from getting back to you, Mike crying while El lays unresponsive in his arms and Lucas.

You see Lucas just as he loads his arm sling with a piece of Metall, fixates it and- it hits Billy right on the back of his head.

But doing nothing.

He only let's out another chuckle, choking you more. "Billy-" you cough, barely managing to raise one hand. You place it on his cheek and a small smile takes place on your bloodied lips. "I love you..." you whisper, dragging your hand to where his heart is.

He blinks a few times, seemingly fighting with the demon inside of him for control.

He misses your other hand moving to the back of his head before you grip his hair and pull his head back, hard.

You close your eyes, nervous as you hadn't done this more than once because it had drained you so bad that you'd slept for two days straight.

You conjure up a picture in your mind. A picture in which the Mind Flayer leaves Billy's body, and instead...

enters yours.

Opening your eyes, you watch Billy's body become numb as the Mind Flayer leaves his body and he falls to the floor. It rushes inside of you and you throw your head back, gasping for air.

You close your eyes once again and start fighting the mindset of the Demogorgon that's threatening to take over yours. You scream out, memories of Billy and the party filling your head. You remember the day he'd taken you on a trip to California, having wanted to show you the beach since forever. The way his hand had felt laying on your thigh the whole ride.

With horror Will and the others watch as your body starts being lifted in the air, the black of the shadow monster surrounding you in an unnerving way. Billy lays knocked out on the floor, and Will makes sure there's no black features left on him before he let's Max go.

She rushes to Billy and shakes his shoulders. "Wake up!" she yells in desperation. When he stats stirring she just hugs him closer. "Max..." he grunts. "Yes, yes, I'm here." she confirms and starts crying harder.

Billy curses under his breath before sitting up and taking in the scene around him. That's when he notices you.

You, as the horrible dark shadow that had been inhabiting his mind for weeks tries doing the same with you. "No..." he whimpers, completely shocked at the situation.

Through the rushing in your ears you hear him. Hear him pleading for you, begging for the Mind Flayer to let you go.

The last thing you feel before passing out is fresh air entering your lungs.

With horror, the group around you watches your body fall to the floor and the shadow flee through the wall, breaking it in process.

-

When you wake up, it's two days later.

As you weren't... normal, they weren't able to bring you to a hospital and Dr. Owens worked too close with the Lab and Brenner for them to trust him.

You open your eyes slowly, looking around. You see the small kitchen and table with chairs, discarded Christmas lights littering the floor.

You then your head to the side and see all of the party sleep on the floor around you. While Dustin and Steve, yes the Steve Harrington who'd become more of a babysitter than anything, were sharing a mattress (with Dustin on the floor while Steve had the blanket wrapped around him and was comfortably taking up the whole mattress), Max was sleeping on the love seat, Will, Mike and El all in sleeping bags in front of the TV and finally, Billy.

He was seated on a pillow, his head resting on the couch close to your stomach. His hand held yours tightly and you smiled. While he didn't look like it, he loved nothing more than cuddling during the night.

You silently sit up, seeing some light on the veranda. Joyce or Hopper probably. You can't keep the small wince from escaping you as sharp pain spreads through your whole body.

Billy wakes startled, looking around before seeing you. You, with a sheepish smile on your face and his hand held tight in yours.

Before he can say anything you put a finger on his lips, motioning him to stay silent. "Baby..." he whisper, emotion flooding his voice.

You nod, a smile on your face. Slowly you get up, tugging him after you towards the guest bedroom where you had slept more times already than you could count.

You two tiptoe through the house until you open the door. He picks you up with care and closes the door with his foot.

When he lays you down on the bed you reach up and tangle your arms around his neck, tugging him down. He grins happily, letting you place kiss after kiss on his lips.

"Y'know, you really scared me when you passed out back there." he mumbles, letting his lips wander over your neck, placing kisses here and there as you brush your fingers through his hair affectionately.

"No way," you acted shocked, "I spooked the Billy Hargrove?" he pouted, moving his head back up and lightly knocking his forehead into yours. "Don't tease~" he whines.

You just chuckle happily. "Really missed you, baby." he murmurs with his deep, rumbling voice.

"Couldn't think while... it was there. Felt like.. I dunno. Lost all control over my body and had to watch as he- as he slaughtered all those people." Billy's voice wavers a bit and you shush him, trailing a hand down his back.

"And none of it was your fault, my love." he just huffs, obviously blaming himself. "If you don't stop blaming yourself I'm going to start blaming myself for not protecting you from this." you raised an eyebrow, knowing very well that in his eyes you could never do anything wrong.

"No, baby, don't say that." he warns. You make a 'really?' face, watching him realize what you actually meant by what you said. He groans, dropping his head next to yours. "C'mon you missed out on me for weeks, there's no way you can resist my charm now." he says and you're quite sure that logic makes absolut sense in his head.

"Billy, I don't know if you've noticed but we're dating. You don't need to charm me anymore, yeah?" he rolls his eyes at you and you weakly punch his torso. "Don't be so rude." He acts like you shot him, dramatically falling next to you and holding his chest.

"You killed me." he deadpans, "only a kiss can make it better~" he grins lazily. Well, not like you mind. You lean on one elbow, laying a hand on his cheek and stroking the skin under his eye. "Have you been sleeping, babe?" you ask, taking note of the dark circles under his eyes.

He frowns, shrugging. "Y'know I can't sleep without you..." he replies, putting one arm over your waist and pulling you closer.

"Well then, it's time for bed, Eh?" you chuckle and he looks at you like you're crazy. "I just got you back from sleeping for days and you're tired again?"

"Hmm..." you pretend to think, "yep." popping the p you turn to the alarm on the nightstand on the side, reading 12:43 AM. You nod towards it and lay your head on his chest, off which he had yet to pull his muscle shirt. "damn, didn't even pay attention to the time."

"Realized that. Now get rid of the shirt, it's bothering me, and then we're going to sleep. No discussions." he grinned, placing a slow kiss on your lips. "God, I missed you so much, baby. You can't imagine." he slides one of his hands under your shirt and just holds you, feelings his skin against yours.

"Me too. Missed you a lot. A small town is kinda boring when there's no one to scandalize the old ladies." you joke and he chuckles.

"Alright, let's get you to sleep, princess." with that he pulls the shirt over his head, leaving his torso and abs free to you. And wow had you fucking missed this.

"You're injured and need to rest so get those thought out of your mind, idiot." he remarks, pinching your waist lightly.

"Cockblock." you pout, even though it was you who'd wanted to rest initially. "Alright, enough insulting your poor boyfriend." he grumbled and pulled the blanket over your bodies.

While you got comfortable on his chest, he already had his nose buried in your hair while enjoying the warmth he'd missed out on for so long.

And here with you and all the people he appreciated, he thought that maybe someday you could all forget about the traumatic events that had taken pace in this cursed town.

very probably going to write a part two with more fluff for this :') anyone else think billy would be the biggest softie secretly?

[havin-a-wee]

If Only She Knew

pairing: dad!harry x cheerleader!reader

word count: 4.2k

warnings: smut (fingering + unprotected sex), cheerleading position implies readers weight, 20 year age gap

hi! ive been having some really bad writers block but i wrote this and even though its def not my best work i like it enough to post it :) also, i totally didn't mean to imply the readers weight, i only realized afterwards, so im really sorry about that. also the age gap is kinda big, so if ur uncomfy with that you shouldn't read this <3

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY

“Geez watch where you’re going!”

You don’t even look up at the girl, recognizing her nasally voice easily from how annoying it is. You were nose deep in a book while walking down the school hallway, and of course your worst enemy had to be walking down the same hallway, at the same time, in the opposite direction. You are both at fault for the collision, considering Ella had her eyes locked on her instagram feed. But knowing the girl, there is no way in hell that she will take any responsibility, even though you are the one who has coffee dripping down the front of your white blouse.

Since middle school, Ella Styles has always hated you. You have never known why, but she seems to have a vendetta against you, and tries her best to make your life miserable. You never let her, always refraining from giving her the explosive reaction that she was looking for. And that makes her hate you even more.

High school is over in 2 months, and although you are going to miss the freedom of being a child, you most definitely won’t miss the people from the tiny town you’ve lived in since you were young. You’ve always been the type of person to have a small friend group, only 4 people in your circle. But that’s how you like it, because crippling social anxiety makes it difficult for you to meet new people.

“I- sorry.” You still don’t look at her, instead peeling the soaking wet top off of your stomach.

“You better be sorry.” She flips her blonde hair, ensuring that the fluffy locks hit you right in the face. You are lucky this time seeing as she didn’t take it further, because sometimes she would purposely embarrass you after small incidents such as this one.

Tears well at your waterline and you run into the nearest bathroom, pushing open the blue door and locking yourself in a stall.

After all these years of torment, Ella rarely was able to get to you. But sometimes, she does something that pushes you off the edge, leaving you with red, tear-stained cheeks. The final straw this time was her ruining your brand new shirt, the one you were anxiously waiting to debut at school.

But now there was coffee dripping down your chest and staining the bright white fabric. Your only saving grace is the cheerleading uniform in your backpack. In fact, you were walking to the locker room to change for practice, and then for the game at 6 tonight.

You had been excited for the game, knowing that Friday night games always led to parties and fun afterwards. You rarely go to parties of course, but the buzzing energy never fails to rub off on you. But now that stupid Ella had to go and mess up your day, you’re dreading seeing her smug face while she asserts her dominance as cheer captain.

You untie your top and rip it off in a haste, frustrated tears running down your face periodically. You could’ve put a jacket on and gone to the locker room, but Ella would be going there soon, and the last thing you want to do is run into her with teary eyes. She can’t know that you let her get to you.

You brush your hands down your uniform, pulling down the skimpy costume and stuffing your old clothes in your backpack. Once out of the stall, you pull your hair up into a high ponytail, reapply your lip gloss and walk back into the hallway, having already done your makeup that morning. You’re happy that it’s a home game today, because the home game uniforms are two pieces and the skirts are smaller than the ones on the away game uniforms. There is a certain someone you are looking to impress, and the way your tits spill out from the top of the outfit will most certainly help you in your mission.

It’s not like you need to impress him, because he’s shown time and time again that he finds you sexy no matter what you wear. And when he doesn’t tell you, he shows you, by pressing his hard on up against your ass after you just woke up, despite your messy hair and bare face.

However, he also loves when you tease him. And that’s exactly what you’re planning to do.

You sling your heavy backpack over one shoulder and trudge down the hallway, the old fluorescent lights practically blinding you on your journey. The locker room is dingy, smelling of cheap soap and Victoria’s Secret perfume. At least it doesn’t smell like the boys locker room, which smells like sweat and more sweat.

It's already bustling with people, your teammates scrambling to get ready in time as to not get yelled at by the coach.

“Y/N!” The familiar shout of your best friend Rose is like a breath of fresh air, and you bound over to her. She’s standing in front of your lockers, the two of you obviously picking ones next to each other. “Wait, why are you already changed?”

“The bitch spilled her coffee all over me,” you grumbled, your eyes shifting over to where Ella and her little goons are giggling.

“I keep telling you, anytime you want me to beat her up I will gladly do it.”

“Not that I doubt your abilities Rose, because I know you would have her on the ground in a heartbeat, but I can’t let you do that. She can’t know that she upsets me.” You lower your voice for the second sentence, irrationally fearing that she can hear you over the loud chatter echoing through the room.

“I still think you should let me beat her up, but you do you I guess.” Rose shrugged her shoulders and turned back to her locker, bursting out into laughter with you after a beat of silence.

The rest of the getting ready process goes smoothly, Rose distracting you from the girl side-eyeing you in the corner. Soon enough, the whole squad was in formation outside, and you have your hands on the shoulders of Rose and another girl named Bethany. You are a flyer, meaning that you’re the one who the bases support while you pose and flip in the air. Its a hard job, but you are one of only three girls on the team who is advanced enough at flying to be safe doing it in routines. One of the other three girls is Ella.

Ella is the flyer for the middle group, seeing as she is the captain. You are on the right and the other group is on the left. Luckily, Rose is a base in your group, so you feel a lot better putting your safety in the hands of someone you already trust with your life.

“ELLA! YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!” Coach Habbiths voice is piercing, her angry shrieks bouncing off your ear drums. Ella audibly huffs, displaying her frustration with the critiques she has been receiving since we learned the routine weeks ago. That’s one of the biggest problems with Ella, she believes that she's always right.

Every single practice she has done a needle instead of a scale at the end of the routine. It's aggravating for everyone, and that frustration is amplified everytime she makes the same mistake over and over. “Alright, everyone down. group 1 and group 3 take five, Ella and group 2 stay on the field.

The team obliged to her instructions, and you are brought down from the air.

“Okay Ella, I want you to watch how Y/N does the last move, because she’s actually doing it correctly.” Coach is standing in front of you now, and she emphasized the word ‘correctly’. This is much to Ella’s dismay, and much to your excitement.

Nothing brings you more joy than seeing Ella’s face when you one up her, and this time is no exception.

Aside from a few eye rolls and nasty looks, Ella corrects the move without much fuss. By now there's 15 minutes until the game, and the players have been warming up on the field for about half an hour.

“Did you see her face!” Rose tugs on your arm while you walk back to the locker room, water bottles in hand.

“I know! I should’ve taken a picture!”

“We can only hope that it knocked her ego down a peg.”

“I doubt it” Rose nodded in agreement and you continued your chatter, talking about the random things that best friends talk about.

“It’s go time ladies!” You jumped in surprise when Coach Habbiths yelling booms through the locker room, the hefty amount of metal in the room enhancing the echo.

In a blur, your entire team rushed out onto the field, the crisp air cooling your warmed skin. There was a huge crowd. probably the biggest the teams ever had. But that makes sense, because this game was against your school's biggest rival. Luckily, despite the huge crowd you were able to lock eyes with those piercing green irises you have gotten to know so well over the past couple months. Everytime you see him he gets more and more attractive, and this time is no exception.

At this point, the teams routine is muscle memory and you’re done with it before you can blink. Most people would think that being thrown in the air is memorable, but your main concern is the growing wet patch on your panties that spreads each time you squeeze your thighs together. Just the thought of the man is enough to turn you on, and now that you’re sitting on the cold metal bench your imagination has time to go wild.

The only thing that snapped you out of your daze was the eruption of appaulause from the audience, and the realization that the other cheerleaders were standing up and running towards the players. You breath out a sigh of relief, recognizing the cheering as a signal that the game has ended.

“Hey, you coming?” Rose tugs on your arm, looking down at you still on the bench.

“Um, actually I don’t feel so well, I think I’m going to go home.”

“I should’ve known. You know, one day you’re going to have to go to a party.” Rose places her hands on her hips, giving you a sarcastically annoyed stare.

“And today is not that day.” You grab your backpack and sling it over your shoulder, turning back to Rose for a second. “Have fun and be safe.”

“I always do.” Rose places a chaste kiss on your cheek before turning back to the gathering crowd on the turf.

Instead of heading to the sidewalk and walking home, you duck under the bleachers and walk down the gravel path, pushing open the fence that separates the field and the school. The contents of your backpack slosh around while you sway your hips as you walk. Finally, you make it to the back wall of the school, leaning your back against it and plopping your heavy backpack down by your feet.

And now you wait.

Much to your convenience, the wait this time isn’t long, only five minutes passing before you see the familiar man following the same path you did earlier.

He has a pair of brown slacks on, pressing against his waist courtesy of his black belt. A button up white shirt hides the tattoos on his stomach, but he's rolling up his sleeves as he walks over to you. He's walking with intention, hungry eyes zeroed in on you.

When he’s only steps away, you cheekily bite your lip and use your finger to push up your skirt a little bit more.

Your actions have the intended effect, his eyes blowing wide and hands grasping at your waist.

“Y’can’t do that.”

Before you have a chance to ask what he means, his lips collide with yours, his tongue slipping in only moments after the initial kiss. But as soon as he started, he pulls away.

“Y’can’t be teasing me on the field like tha’, had me hard next t’my friends.” His hand is on the wall above your head, and his other arm is wrapped around your waist pulling you into his chest. He’s panting, and you are too.

“Sorry Mr. Styles,” you push your bottom lip out in a pout, giving him the most innocent look possible. “Just wanted to wear it cause I know how much you like it.”

“Aw, my babygirl wore this f’me? Well I guess y’can be forgiven. Now let’s get t’my house before I fuck yeh right on this wall.” He places a soft kiss to your lips picking up your backpack from the floor and turning to the direction of his car.

“But it hurts!” He turns around again, giving you a sympathetic look and caressing your cheek. The rings on his fingers are cold, but you’re used to the feeling.

“I know sweet girl, but I can’t take care of yeh here, s’too risky.” He pauses for a moment, thinking of a solution to your not so little problem. “How bout I give y’my fingers in the car? Hows that sound hm?” You nod eagerly, pulling his hand down from your cheek and holding it. He takes the signal and begins walking to his car while you follow him.

You never planned to sleep with your bullies dad. But a few months ago your parents dragged you to a family friends housewarming party, and that friend happened to be a friend of Harry’s too. There were no other teenagers there, so your focus was on the attractive older man who had been checking you out since you first locked eyes, and after ending up in the upstairs bathroom together the two of you have been fucking at least twice a week. You only learned that he’s a dad when you saw him for the first time outside the party. He didn’t look the part, and you actually thought he was in his 20s until he corrected you. He’s 38, having become a parent at only 20 years old. Your relationship is a bit taboo, but you’re a mature 18 year old and you and Harry get along well. So well that your time together has developed from casual sex to a mutually exclusive relationship. (Neither of you like labels, but you’re basically boyfriend and girlfriend).

He makes you really happy, and when you have to face off against Ella, it helps knowing that you have power over her, even though she doesn’t know it.

“Did she do anything today?” Harry is walking beside you, hands still intertwined.

“Besides spilling coffee on my shirt, nothing much.” Harry sighs in frustration and squeezes your hand as a show of affection.

“M’so sorry, I wish y’didn’t ‘ave to deal with her.”

The thing about Harry and Ella is they can barely be considered family. Ella’s mom is, for lack of a better word, a bitch. She’s snobby, conceited, and rude, and those behaviors have rubbed off on Ella. Another thing that rubbed off on her was her mom’s hatred for Harry. Being young parents put strain on their already struggling relationship, and they split before Ella’s first birthday. Harry said he tried his best to make it work for Ella’s sake, but her mom was looking for someone to pay for her life, and Harry had just started working his way up as a businessman.

Now, he’s a CEO, but luckily Ella’s mom already found a new beau with plenty of money, so she didn’t come crawling back to him. However, the success Harry achieved only a few years after their breakup made her jealous, and so she instilled that anger in their daughter. So currently Ella spends most of her time with her mother, and when she is with Harry she doesn’t treat him kindly.

“It’s not your fault Harry, you don’t have to apologize for her actions.”

“I know, I jus’ hate tha’ she treats yeh like that.” He sighs again, reaching into his pocket to grab his keys. In a few more steps you’re standing outside the sleek black suv, walking around to the passenger seat and sliding in once you hear the click of the door unlocking.

You both take a few seconds to breathe, an unspoken gesture to prepare for the night's events. Harry turns to you, a sexy smirk plastered on his face. “What d’ya think about fixin’ that ache darlin?” You nod eagerly, sliding down a bit in your seat to give your legs room to spread. “Think yeh can take off y’skirt fo’me?” Your head bobs once again as you nod, hooking your fingers under the elastic waistband and shimmying out of the skirt. While you’re doing that, Harry turns the car into the deserted street, using only one hand to steer.

You toss the tiny skirt into his lap, giving him a signal without distracting his eyes from the road. He reacts immediately, his free hand coming down to squeeze your thigh. You mewl at the contact and bite down on your lip, trying to stop your hips from bucking up in search of relief. His squeezes move up your thigh, and finally his fingers press against your weeping cunt. Swiftly, he pushes your soiled panties to the side, swiping his fingers up your folds collecting your juices. You shriek and buck your hips up into his hand, but much to your dismay he removes it from between your thighs. The car comes to a stop at a red light, and Harry takes the moment to look at you, his eyes wandering your squirming body. He’s practically drooling when he places his fingers in his mouth, tasting your sweet wetness.

“Sorry pup, jus’ needed t’taste yeh.” He chuckles again, and you whine softly in desperation. In one quick motion, he dives his hand back to your pussy, pressing his thumb on your swollen clit.

“Fuck!” The pleasure shoots up your spine, goosebumps raising across your body as he rubs circles on the puffy button. “Harry- please,”

“What d’ya want puppy? Want m’fingers?”

“Yes, yes,” you breathe out, words barely comprehensible through your panting.

“Alright, alright, I gotcha.” And with that his two fingers press into you, filling your tight hole perfectly. There is no hesitation before he begins pumping the digits in and out of you and his thumb never lets up on your bundle of nerves. “Such a needy puppy, got yeh soaking f’me from out in the stands hm?” His eyes are still on the road, but you can picture the lust filled eyes that are undoubtedly on his face.

“Get so wet jus- just thinkin’ about you,” you gasp, writhing as his fingers slam in and out of you.

“Yeah? This is my cunt, m’the only one who can make yeh this wet, isn’t tha’ right?”

“Only Harry.” At your confirmation he speeds his hand up, your vision clouding with white spots as the knot building in your stomach grows tighter and tighter.

All of a sudden, he pulls his fingers out of you, leaving you empty. “Wha-” You begin to question him but you realize that he’s pulling into his driveway. Instead of complaining, you sit up quickly and unbuckle your seatbelt, pulling your skirt back up your legs to avoid being nude on his front lawn.

As soon as you feel the little jolt your hand yanks on the handle and you hop out of the car. Your brain is fuzzy with need and all you are focused on is alleviating the aching between your thighs. You hear Harry lock the car while you're on the steps, and you turn back to ensure that he’s behind you. And sure enough, he’s hot on your trail, just as eager as you to get inside and onto his bed. Your foot is tapping on the ground anxiously, waiting for Harry to unlock the front door. After what seems like an hour, he is next to you again, fumbling with the silver keychain in his hand, eventually unlocking and pushing open the door. You both practically run inside, hands roaming each other's bodies and lips locking as you shuffle through the hall.

You disconnect breathlessly when you reach the stairs, subconsciously wrapping your hands around Harry’s neck so he can pick you up bridal style. He does so hastily, barely a second passing before he’s plopping you onto the fluffy mattress. “Finally,” he pants, hands fumbling with his belt buckle. There’s a prominent bulge in his trousers, and although you’ve seen it plenty, you are always in awe at how thick and big he is. While he’s busy removing his clothes, you are practically drooling at the sight of his bare cock, full, heavy, and dripping precome.

“Harry?”

He looks back down at you with his emerald green eyes, simultaneously dropping his recently-removed shirt on the floor. “Can I ride you?” The look he gives you is indescribable, a mixture of need, lust, cockiness, and beauty all rolled up into one.

“Whatever y’want puppy,” His hands scoop under your ass, and he lifts you up and switches your positions. Now it’s your turn to undress, and Harry makes himself busy by running his hands up and down your torso. “So gorgeous, y’know that?” You nod quickly then pull your shirt off of your head. “Most beautiful girl in the world I reckon.” You blush at the compliment, butterflies being added to the many sensations occuring in your body. You straddle his thighs, wrapping your hand around his length and tugging a few times. A loud groan rumbles through his throat, and you smile knowing you’re the one who made him feel like that. “Thought- thought yeh said y’wanted to ride me pup.”

“I do.” You keep your hand on his cock, sitting up on your knees and lining him up with your weeping cunt. All at once, your body is put at ease as his cock fills you up perfectly. He bottoms out inside of you, both of you moaning and groaning while you adjust. “So big-” Your words come out in choppy pants, the syllables being cut off by your heaves. You suck in one deep breath and move upwards, sinking back down onto him quickly. His large hands hold a tight grip on your waist, guiding you up and down his member. His lips attach to your neck, suckling on the supple skin just enough so that it doesn’t bruise.

“What a dirty little puppy you are,” he growls, eyes focusing heavily on where your bodies connect, watching himself disappear inside of you as you bounce up and down on his cock.

“Feel so full-” Tingles ricochet down every part of your body, and your legs are becoming weaker with each movement. Harry can feel your movement faltering, so his hips thrust upwards to meet yours, fucking you from underneath. “Harry!”

“I know pup, I know.” His thumb strokes your cheek and he leans in for another kiss, devouring your plump lips and swirling his tongue around yours. “So fuckin tight,” The words tumble from his mouth in a low growl, which sends the butterflies in your stomach into a frenzy. His cock twitches inside of you, encouraging you to muster all your energy and finish both of you off. Adrenaline kicks in and your strength returns, riding him faster and harder than before. “Let go f’me Y/N.” It only takes a few more thrusts for you to come undone, Harry’s orgasm following suit. The waves of pleasure roll through your body, and you throw your head back in ecstasy as you allow the feeling to overcome your body. Spurts of his hot cum cover your velvety walls and you ride out your orgasms together, resting your foreheads against one another.

You end up sleeping at his house, feeling safe knowing that Ella is staying with her mom today. It’s normal for you to sleep at his place, seeing as both of you are usually so tired that you pass out before you can leave. What isn’t normal is for you to be woken up in the morning by Harry’s phone ringing. Harry is a deep sleeper, and you laugh at the sight of him conked out while his ringtone blares on the nightstand just a few inches away. Carefully, you reach over his sleeping body and grab the phone, planning on hanging it up and going back to bed. However, when you saw that it was Ella calling, you changed your mind. Making a split second decision, you slide the icon to the right, holding it up to your ear.

“Hello?” Her whiney voice rings through your eardrum and you wince. Not the nicest thing to be woken up to.

“Hello,” you answer, your voice not reflecting the cocky grin that spread across your face.

“Who the hell is this!” she shrieks, and you make a mental note that she must not be a morning person.

“A friend of your dads.” Your response is once again calm and monotone, trying to stifle the laugh that is bubbling in your throat.

“Ugh! What’s your name?”

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N”

[winter-soldier-vibes]

just a wittle request, could you do something where bucky comforts the reader who has mommy issues after she has a panic attack over the thought of turning out like her mother?

Hi there, sorry this took so long! I still haven’t processed my own so I had to take a few breaks. I apologize if this is off the path of what you meant, I’m going off of my own experience but I know it’s different for everyone.

You're nothing like her.

Bucky x reader

Word count: 3219

Warnings: mommy issues, toxic childhood, talk of divorce, panic attack/anxiety, negative self-talk

A/N: This takes place in a timeline where Bucky is retired

-------------

You did everything you could to avoid it. To avoid her

You left home as soon as you could. When you were in college you were surrounded by people who were homesick, people who wanted to go home, people who finally had to take care of themselves. Things you couldn’t relate to.

You had been supporting yourself most of your life. Not that you had much of a choice. Your dad left when you were younger, your mother blaming it on you. If you had been better, maybe he wouldn’t have left. You, being young, believed her. What else were you supposed to do, growing up in a world that preaches ‘mother knows best’?

Load of bullshit to you.

You knew better now, being an adult, that she didn’t know best. She worked or went out with friends and left you to raise yourself, telling you it was your fault when she neglected her responsibilities. And when you would get upset she would play the victim, crying ‘woe is me’ because you were so ungrateful to the person who raised you after you drove her husband out.

“You know it’s your fault right?” she had snapped at you one night at dinner. There was a graded paper, a B written on the top of it.

“What?”

“You’re the reason he left me. He just couldn’t stand you. You’re the reason why he left and why I’m so miserable now.”

You had felt tears in your eyes.

“Tears, really? Tears aren't going to change the fact that MY husband LEFT.”

Her husband, not your father.

No, you knew better now to know that what she had done and said was wrong. But that didn’t make you forget. It didn’t make it any easier for you.

You went to college, saved up as much as you could, and gave tight-lipped smiles when people asked why you didn’t go home on weekends or vacations. You tried not to talk about her much, but that didn’t stop you from thinking about her.

You had stood at your college graduation, caps thrown and loud laughs and cheers echoing around. There were a bunch of people celebrating around you, taking photos, but you had stood on the outskirts. You had a small smile on your face for everyone else, but you couldn’t help but feel empty inside. You hadn’t made many friends, not close friends, but that was a good thing. You could take the photo so no one was left out.

Not so much of a text from her. She hadn’t come, she hadn’t called or anything.

In a twisted way, you were glad that she hadn’t. She couldn’t make a big deal about how you weren’t the top of your class or how you didn’t deserve to be. How you didn’t have a job set up to start the next week even though you already were planning on submitting your resumes. There wasn’t a way to please her, so it was almost better that she wasn’t there.

You had texted her after a few days and she made up some bullshit excuse that she had forgotten to put it on the calendar.

She liked your Instagram photo though. So thoughtful

You worried you would turn out the same way. Or that she had rubbed off on you in some way. You kept to yourself as much as you could, staying in, keeping your emotions to yourself. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust people, maybe it was, but more so you were worried that you would seem like you were playing the victim.

You didn’t want to bother anyone or make anyone feel obligated to listen to you. You worried that behind your back they would complain about you being emotional or making everything about you.

You worried they would talk about you the same way you thought about your mother.

People are supposed to look to their parents to teach them what to be, yet you found yourself wanting to avoid everything your parents did to you. They taught you exactly who you didn’t want to be.

Your father left. Your mother hated you.

You didn’t share your opinions because you didn’t want to be told you were wrong. You didn’t want to force your ideas onto anyone. Not like what you said would make a difference anyway, not that it mattered in the first place.

You remembered all of the sentences you would start but not finish because no one had heard you. Trying to jump in a few times and eventually giving up when the conversation had moved onto a new subject. All the times people would interrupt or interject, making you feel like you didn’t have something to say that was worth hearing.

You thought it would get better when you got a job. But the pressure you put on yourself to do well in school was transferred to the job you had gotten. You still were afraid that people saw yourself as your mom used to and that you would never be good enough for anyone. You thought that achievements would make you feel fulfilled.

But if you didn’t believe in yourself, what were a few “job well done's” supposed to do?

It made it hard to get into a relationship. People say that “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else,” but that didn’t feel so true to you. It was more that you didn’t trust yourself to love someone else. You worried about hurting whoever you were with, and you told yourself that if you didn’t get close to anyone, you couldn’t hurt them.

But then you ran into him.

He was on a morning run and you were walking home from a night shift, both too tired to see each other coming. You because you had just finished a shift, him because he was running off the nightmare he had had the night previous. Both of you craving a sleep that seemed just out of reach.

You were very apologetic, as was he, both afraid that you had hurt the other. You avoided his eyes even though they were trained anywhere but your own, as he fiddled with his gloved hands and you scratched the back of your neck.

It was the first time either of you had seen someone as unsure as yourselves

You had parted ways with only each other's names. Bucky and y/n.

The two of you crossed paths a few times in the following weeks, eventually getting each other’s phone numbers and agreeing to meet for coffee rather than hoping the other left at the right time. Eventually, the subtle nervous tics each of you had died down as you got to know each other.

For the most part.

You still overly apologized for everything. If you were a few minutes late, if you spaced out...you took the blame for everything.

Traffic had been bad, a storm and an accident causing you to be 5 minutes late rather than 15 minutes early. You had run into the coffee shop, scanning the restaurant with wide eyes when you saw Bucky sitting there casually.

“I am so so so sorry, I should’ve left earlier, there was an accident, I’m so sorry I’m late -”

“Y/n, don’t worry about it,” he had said, a smile on his face and a slight flash of concern on his face. “Seriously, it’s a couple of minutes. It’s literally fine.”

“No, I’m really sorry, I should’ve known or called or something.”

“Relax. It’s totally fine, I promise,” he had said, concern a little more present on his face. “Are you okay though?”

“What? Yeah, I’m good. How have you been with everything?

You wouldn’t let him talk about you. The same way your mother never let you talk about yourself.

Don’t think about her.

He had started opening up to you but you still kept your personal life under lock and key. Your name, how work was, and your physical well-being was about as personal as you got. Even so, if work had been a shit show or you had to pull an all-nighter would go unspoken. He didn’t need the burden of your personal issues. Not when there was nothing he could do about it.

The past was the past, you just had to learn how to get over yourself.

You couldn’t change what your mother had said over a decade ago.

You worried if you talked about yourself at all then you would be making the situation about you. You worried you would project your anger or sadness onto him. He didn’t deserve that. Plus, it wasn’t like he would be able to do anything, right?

You promised yourself you wouldn’t let him get too close. That if he didn’t get close to you, you couldn’t hurt him.

But damn, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t start developing feelings for him. And from the way he had started acting, you thought maybe he was too.

The hugs that were ever so slightly too tight or when he smiled at you a little longer than normal. He had opened up to you about many things in his past, and from the way he talked about it, you could tell he hadn’t talked about it much with anyone else.

You found comfort in your friendship, the way he trusted you. You liked being there for him, and you were honored that he trusted you enough to open up to you. Yet it also made you uneasy that you would ruin it in some way or drive him out.

The same way your mom drove out your father.

Goddamn it don’t think about her.

The closer you got and the closer you and Bucky had gotten, the more nervous you were. That you would turn out like your mother. You were having a harder time keeping to yourself, keeping up the façade that everything was all bright in your world. You wanted to be a light for everyone.

But at some point, days turn to nights and the light gives way to the darkness.

And you weren’t sure how much time you had left before you cracked.

Bucky had started making small moves towards you, and you were trying your best to deflect them in efforts to not fall flat on your face for him. He came over Wednesday nights for a movie and take out with you, and what started as being on two opposite ends of the couch had moved to being next to each other to him having his arm wrapped around you. Sometimes you felt he was a little too close and you would either shift away or get up to grab another drink or ‘use the bathroom’.

When you came back you would make an attempt to sit a bit further away.

Sometimes when Bucky would say goodbye at the end of the night he would hug you. That was nothing new, you were both big on hugs, but lately, he had been hugging you longer or tighter, lingering a few moments longer than could be platonic. You had started ending the hugs earlier, giving him a small squeeze before pulling away.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to be with Bucky. It was that you were so scared that you would drive him away, leaving you as soon as you had started calling yourself his.

Which is what brought you here. Bucky had come over for another one of your movie nights and had his arm behind the couch rather than around you. An invitation for you to curl into his side, but he wanted you to make that choice. Eventually, you had found yourself curled up with him, his arm wrapped around you, and you could feel the tension.

You wanted to move away before you found yourself in too deep, but you couldn’t resist. It had been a long day and you found comfort with Bucky. Bucky turned his face slightly towards yours, kissing the side of your temple and you felt butterflies in your stomach. Your mind told you to shift away, to not let him get too close, but you found yourself turning your head towards Bucky and he leaned forward to kiss you gently.

After a moment you broke away, emotion taking over you. “I’m sorry, Bucky, I - I can’t do this,” you said, resting your forehead against his.

“Why not?” Bucky whispered, looking into your eyes.

Because I’ll hurt you.

I’ll disappoint you.

I’ll drive you away and I can’t lose the best thing that’s happened to me.

You sighed, standing up and moving away from Bucky. You couldn’t say those things to him out loud. Not without the entire story. And you weren’t ready to share all of that with him.

Bucky stood up with you, afraid he had just ruined the friendship or whatever relationship he had with you. “Y/n, wait, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

You had already left the room and couldn’t really hear him over the sound of your thoughts.

This wasn’t supposed to happen

I wasn’t supposed to let this happen

How could I be so stupid?

You were feeling tears in your eyes and Bucky followed you, afraid of what he did. Your breathing was picking up and you had started mumbling some of these things to yourself.

“Y/n, what’s happening, what did I do?”

You shook your head “You didn’t do anything, but I need you to leave, please,” you said, trying to hide your emotions. You hated being like this.

“I’m not going anywhere y/n, just tell me what’s wrong.”

“Get the fuck out of here Bucky! I don’t want your help!” you snapped suddenly, Bucky looking taken aback before your eyes widened.

“Oh god…”

You shook your head and started crying harder, stumbling over your words. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I didn’t mean to yell, I’m so sorry Bucky please don’t leave I'm so sorry.”

Bucky came forward and hugged you gently and you cried into his shirt. He whispered comforting words into your ear as you tried to breathe, embarrassed at how vulnerable you were being.

Bucky kept his breathing slow and even, trying to get you to match him. He had no idea what was happening but he knew he needed you to calm down before he asked. Whatever it was had to be something deep, and you weren’t in the space to talk about it right now.

He brought you over to sit on the corner of your bed, still hugging you as you cried. You were mumbling out apology after apology but Bucky wasn’t having any of it. He kept hugging you, telling you that he wasn’t going anywhere and that you were safe. He had never seen you so upset, or upset at all to begin with.

After you had calmed down a bit, Bucky asked you again what had happened. You shook your head, not knowing what to say.

“I’ve opened up about so many things to you, right?” he pulled back to look at you.

You nodded slightly.

“And you’ve never judged me for any of it.”

You shook your head this time.

“Then why can’t you let me do the same for you?”

You took a deep breath, fiddling with your hands. “I don’t wanna hurt you,” you said, not meeting his eyes.

Bucky drew his eyebrows together, still confused. “Y/n, you’ve been the nicest person I’ve ever met. How would you hurt me?”

You were already shaking your head. “No, see, that’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna be nice and sweet and...and I’m gonna fall in love with you, and you’re gonna fall in love with me. A-and then I’m gonna let you down over and over again and snap at you for things that aren’t your fault and...and you’ll get sick of it and leave and I’m going to hate myself for it, okay?”

“Hey, hey, slow down,” Bucky held your shoulders as they started shaking. You brought a hand to cover your mouth, Bucky hushing you again. “What are you talking about? Where is this coming from?”

You took a shaky breath as you ran a hand over your face. ��I’m just like her, Bucky. I told myself I would never let myself be like her…”

“Like who?” Bucky asked, blood already boiling at who made you feel like this.

Her.

You weren’t supposed to think about her.

You promised yourself.

“Y/n, stay with me here,” he said, guiding your face back to look at him. “Who?”

“My mother.”

Bucky looked at you for a moment. “What?”

“You know, mothers bring you into the world. They say a mother knows when something is wrong with their kid, that babies are put on their mother’s chest because the skin-to-skin contact starts the bonding process. They’re supposed to protect you, and love you, and take care of you. But then you start to get older and it’s your fault that you were born when you didn’t ask, or your dad left and it’s your fault before you even knew he was gone. All I wanted was to be told what to do and all she would do is tell me what I did wrong. I can’t be like her and the older I get the more scared I am that I’m going to hurt everyone the way that she hurt my father and me.”

You had started crying again as Bucky looked at you, both broken-hearted and furious that someone would make you feel this way. Not to mention it was your own mother.

You took another shaky breath. “I thought the world of her when I was younger. And she barely even gave me the time of day. I keep telling myself that I’m not what she thought of me, but what if I am?” you shook your head again. “And I am so scared that I’m just like her.”

“Y/n, look at me, I need you to look at me when I say this, okay?” he cupped your face with both hands, wiping away your tears with the pads of his thumbs as he looked into your eyes. “You are nothing like your mother.”

You let out a small sob. “You don’t know her.”

“I don’t need to,” he said firmly. “You are kind and gentle. You work hard and you make sure that everyone is taken care of before you even consider yourself. You aren’t going to scare me away or hurt me.” He wiped fresh tears from your eyes. “You are your own person, your mother has no say in who you get to be. Who you are. You are not your mother, and you never will be.” he said, still holding your gaze.

You held his gaze a little longer, knowing he believed what he was saying. You didn’t, not quite yet, but maybe if he believed in you, you could too. You nodded slightly, giving him the smallest of smiles. “Thank you.”

Bucky returned the small smile. “You know I love you, right?”

“I love you too,” you said, smiling.

You meant it, and you knew he did too. And maybe one day, you would love who you’d become too.

------------

tags: @babydaddy-buckybarnes @buckys-blue-eyes @buckys2thicc @broadwaybabe18 @peggycarter-steverogers @im-sick-of-failing @barnesplums @bucks-bunny @mardema @abitgryffindorky @freigeistundanderes @thatfangirl42 @strawberrimae @sup--ernova

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[jslittlebirdie]

Here Without You

Pairing: Soft!Ledger!Joker x Reader

Summary: Your last days have been really bad and exhausting. There are always new problems you have to take care of, you feel tired and burnt out, and on top of that, J hasn't shown up for several days. That was until today.

Word count: 1,344

Genre: probably a bit angsty / fluffy comfort / self-insert

Warnings: Reader has a bad day, low self esteem

Notes: A very big thank you to my dearest best friend @fan-of-pretty-much-2-much for encouraging me to post this fic. What would I do without you, your support and love? I own you so much🥺😭 Also, thank you so incredibly much for this simply beautiful title💜

Well, this fic is a total self-insert😅 I basically wrote it for myself as a comfort. So it's probably too cheesy and my characterization of J is way too soft and ooc. But maybe someone will like it anyway, I don't know. So read at your own risk lol🙈 Also, the text is unedited and English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes.

Taglist: @ajokeformur-ray @sacredempressnatlyia @rommies

It had been days now since you last saw your clown. News reports were your only clues as to his whereabouts and well-being. You didn't blame him, he was a busy man - a free man who came and went as he pleased - and you wouldn't keep him from his business. Even though, if you were honest, you would love to not let him leave your apartment ever again, and instead keep him with you where you knew he was safe; not that he couldn't take care of himself.

But you missed him terribly. And on top of that, your doubts and insecurities were getting worse with each passing day. You probably weren't good enough for him, too boring and annoying with all your worries. Would he ever come back to you? Was he tired of you? Had you perhaps upset him without knowing it?

And today... Today was a particularly bad day. Already early in the morning the day had started with bad news, new things you had to take care of. Problems kept coming up, there just seemed to be no end in sight. Once you had taken care of one thing, two new things popped up. You felt overwhelmed, burned out and tired. You longed for a break. You longed for him.

A familiar noise. But you only heard it very distantly. You were far too lost in your sad and gloomy thoughts. You sat on your bed and stared at the wall. Your eyes hurt because you tried to hold back your tears as hard as you could, even though you knew it was wrong. But you wanted to stay strong, not show any weakness.

The noise came closer, heavy footsteps. The door to your room cracked open and a face painted with makeup peered in, looking for you. When J spotted you, he grinned mischievously. But his good mood soon changed when he saw you in this miserable state. He immediately noticed that something was wrong, even if he didn't quite know what it was yet. So he entered your room without waiting for you to give him your permission. And even when J stood right in front of you and looked at you with his beautiful dark eyes, which actually showed a hint of concern, you hardly reacted, which admittedly only worried him more. Because you normally ran up to him at the first sign of his presence. But today was... different. And he didn't like it at all.

"What's the matter, toots, hm? I'm back, I'm here."

You stared at him, but you couldn't see him. You hadn't quite realized yet that he was truly standing in front of you. It seemed more like your mind was playing a trick on you - an evil trick to torture you even more. "I'm so sorry, J," you finally uttered. It wasn't so much directed at him as you were talking to yourself.

"You're sorry for what?" He frowned thoughtfully. He couldn't remember anything you had done that you needed to apologize for. But it wasn't a surprise that you apologized in the first place. You apologized for the smallest things, sometimes even for apologizing. But this time, he was a little bit confused.

"I don't know. That I annoyed you with... with me being the way I am. I don't know, okay?!" That was the moment you snapped back to reality. You saw him. Standing in front of you, in his usual slightly bent posture, his head tilted to one side as he tried to figure things out. And that's when you couldn't hold back your tears any longer.

Intuitively, J leaned down towards you and reached out to cup your face with his gloved hands. But you flinched away from him, too ashamed and insecure. "No, J. Don't!"

But he didn't let that stop him. Even though you had said the exact opposite, he could tell by the look in your eyes how much you wanted him. And it caused a strange feeling to rise in his chest - he wasn't sure what to think of it, so he just shrugged it off and focused all of his attention back on you. He sat down next to you, wrapped his arms around your body that was trembling with tension, and gently pulled you to him. This time you let it happen; the second he touched you, you were like putty in his hands. Moments later you found yourself on his lap and you couldn't help but cling to him as tightly as you could, your tear-streaked face buried in his broad chest, inhaling his scent between heavy sobs - a mixture of burnt rubber, gasoline and sweat (he had been out there for days, of course, he hadn't had time to worry about such trivialities) and something so specifically J that your heart ached. Oh, how much you had missed him. All you wanted and needed was him. Your J. It was kind of ironic. While others ran away from him in sheer panic, you longed for him. You had never been like others, you saw so much more in him than just a criminal. To you, he was your charming, sometimes pretty grumpy, but still in his own special way caring and loving clown - but you better not say this out loud. You just loved him. This realization hit you so hard that a new wave of emotions washed over you.

"Shush. I'm here, I gotcha." He shifted beneath you, loosening his grip around you, causing you to sigh in frustration. Rustling of expensive material and then suddenly you felt all warm - he had wrapped you in his royal purple coat and then put his arms around you again like a vice. You were in the warmest, safest embrace you could ever think of. Immediately, your body relaxed, your trembling finally subsided. You listened to his steady heartbeat and mimicked his breathing. J hummed and smiled to himself as he noticed your reaction.

When you finally felt calm enough, you lifted your face off of him so you could look at him; your eyes were bloodshot and dark rings stood out beneath them. He hated to see you like this, but he said nothing; he waited until you were ready to talk. And you were ready. You took a deep breath and finally murmured, "Today was just a shitty day. There's so much to do and it seems to never get any less. Everything is too much. And I... I missed you so much... I thought you weren't coming back."

"But here I am, right?" He squeezed you a little tighter to put emphasis on his words. "I know you've got a lot going on right now. But ya got this, toots. You're tougher than you think you are. Aaand..." A huge and devious grin formed on his lips. You could literally see him thinking about all the things he had done in the past few days. "I need to lay a little low for the next few days."

"Yeah, I picked up something like this on the news. What is it this time?" You're no longer able to suppress a weak giggle. And a yawn. You were so very tired and exhausted, you hadn't slept well since J left, when he wasn't by your side. But now that you were cocooned in his protective warmth... Your eyes grew heavier and heavier. "So does this mean you're staying home, J?"

"I'm not going anywhere, sweets." He moved you both on the bed until you were in a lying position, you still on top of him wrapped in his coat. Even though he would never admit it, he had missed you too. And holding you in his arms like that - feeling you, knowing you were safe and relaxed - made him aware of his own exhaustion. He pressed a sloppy kiss to your forehead, leaving a beautiful reminder for you when you woke up in the morning, and then closed his eyes himself.

[kkusuka]

Body of Glass <3

Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader 

genre: smut 

words: 1.8k

synopsis: hajime treats you like glass and all you want to do is get fucked. 

a/n: this was hella fun to write LMAO, let me know what you think <3 

 based on this request: Iwa, Maroon 5 - One More Night. He’s afraid he’ll hurt you. Sometimes he doesn’t know his own strength so he holds himself back but y/n can tell so they grip his hair hard making him look at them “Hajime stop tiptoeing around me” they bring their lips closer to his “wreck me, I want bruises, hand prints, bite marks. I want you to man handle me I want you to leave your mark on me so everyone knows who I belong to, I’m not a piece of glass baby boy” they bite and suck on his bottom lip “go ahead, break me” -✨Puppy🤩

Cw: Fem anatomy, degradation, hard dom iwa-chan, Daddy kink

In a way, you regret not listening to your friends sooner.

Of course, any advice they had given you was after a lengthy explanation of how sexually frustrated you were. Of course, it was mostly of your own fault.

Hajime was great -- he always was -- he made you cum and you both felt satisfied by the end of the night. He was wonderful, sweet, and treated you like a queen-- it was every girl's dream for a guy to treat them like that so what was your problem?

He was sweet, wonderful, and kind, that was your problem.

And you felt more guilt about it. He couldn’t be a better boyfriend and it wasn't like he never satisfied you. Bot, in turn, was it so bad for you to want him to throw you onto a mattress and put you in your place?

“No, it most certainly is not! Y/n, you have to talk to him, it will never get better if you just sit and sulk about this!” your friend yelled, gaining more than a few heads thrown in your direction. And you're sure if it happens one more time the manager will be having a word with you.

It's been like this for the past 45 minutes as you waited for Hajimes practice game to start. Which, instead of standing in the gym for an hour, your friends decided to head to a small cafe to pass time.

“Think about it, when was the last time you were completely satisfied with sex?”

That's the problem, you always are satisfied, in the orgasmic sense that is. Hajime is talented, that’s not the issue, you're sick of being treated like a doll. You aren't made of glass, you can handle a bit of roughness from your boyfriend.

Of course, you love the soft kisses on your jaw, and Hajime telling you how amazing you are and how you fit perfectly against him. It’s very hard to hate, you love how soft his eyes look as he makes you cum around him.

Apparently, you had taken too long to answer your friend's question as she starts shouting ‘i told you so’ ‘s and telling you to either dump him or fix this because she’s sick of seeing you miserable. (which you are not)

“I am not going to break up with him, I’ll talk to him, ok? That should be good enough.” you resolved, and your friends expressed her happiness at the idea, rushing to get back to your school as the game would start in ten minutes.

Walking into the gym you could see the warmups still taking place. As you looked over the team, Hajime caught your gaze sending a small smile your way as he went up for a spike, hitting it with unimaginable force.

As you sat, letting your mind wander was a challenge. His hands, the veins in arms, the strength he had. Your ass sting just thinking about what his palm could do if he just let it, replaying it in your head sending waves of warmth to your core.

A bad thought to have right before a game where your boyfriend, the ace who gets most of the balls sent to him, would be playing almost the whole time.

A thought proven by the wave of heat to your clit every time he spiked that ball, amplified by the concentrated look on his face every time he jumped for a spike. This was probably the most honed in you've ever been at one of his games, and it was just because you were getting off.

It was no surprise the Aoba Johsai team won, and that meant a happy Iwa-chan. Which also meant that you could spend all of tonight with him. As your friend put it, “a perfect night for you to get railed the way you want!”

The problem? There was apparently no good way to start this conversation. You were having a good time with Hajime, you don't want to potentially ruin it while eating dinner, or watching a movie, or when he started to rub your thigh.

It was only when he began to softly kiss up to your jaw like he had done hundreds of times before, that you just blurted something out.

“You’re always too soft!” It was a moment that you wanted to slap a hand over your mouth and never speak again, especially when Iwaizumi froze and pulled his head from your neck.

“What?” he seemed to be in shock, staring eyes wide in confusion. Now there was no possible turning back, you had to tell him. Letting out a sigh, you sat back and let him do the same.

“You're so soft with me, I’m not made of glass love. You can be a bit rough, I want- I want you to be rough with me! You treat me like glass and, and I- it’s just too soft sometimes!” you spoke, it was like your shoulders were ten pounds lighter, until you opened your eyes to his face.

“You don't like it? I’m sorr-” he sounded so hurt and you felt ten times worse about this.

“No, No! I love it, it’s great- you’re great Haj!-” you turned to grab his cheeks forcing him to look at you, “But sometimes I want you to bend me over and tell me my place! Oh god! I want you to spank me and fuck me ‘till I can’t walk for a week! Edge me until I'm a mumbling mess. Treat me like a bitch- your bitch! I adore making love to you, but Goddamit I want you to fuck me like a whore!”

By the time you finished Hajime’s mouth gaped and he looked as if you punched him. Then in a second, he was hovering over your body, a hand on your throat pinning you to the couch.

He straddled your hips, keeping you in place as he used a hand to shed his sweatshirt, leaving him in a pair of grey sweats, your favorite pair nonetheless.

“You wanna be fucked like a street whore, huh? You want to be used like a hole for my amusement, don't you? Go on, tell me what you want.” he growled working his other hand to the buttons of your shorts. “Say it, Slut.”

You were about to cum and he hasn't even touched you yet, you had no idea how quickly he would change and you had no idea just how much it would turn you on.

“You beg to be my whore but can follow direction? I should just stop here.” he took the handoff of your neck and made a move to get off your body.

“No! Want to be your whore” use me like a slut! Please, I'll be good for you!”  Your begging made him resume his position. Not before throwing away your shirt.

“Alright, knees now. Let’s see how good you can be.” pulling you up by your neck, he sat back, spreading his legs to let you settle between them. It was either shock or you went brain dead, but all you could do was stare at the growing bulge in his pants.

“Are you going to start or do I have to do everything?” his voice shakes you out of your trance as you reach past his waistband. Only a second later your hand ran over something hard and sweltering.

From the small hiss Iwaizumi let out, you knew what that was. Pulling his cock out of its refines, you watched a bead of precum drip down the tip, following it across the veins of his hardening dick.

“Get on with it.”

Taking his tip into your mouth, you circled your tongue collecting the salty wetness. Pulling off, licked your way down to the base of his cock, letting it harden even further. Taking your head back you took a breath before putting as much of his dick in your mouth as you could.

Softly bobbing on him, you tried to take more of him taking whatever you couldn’t into your hand. You went until Hajime grabbed the back of your head, holding you on his cock. Before he shoved his entire length down your throat, grunting at your gag.

“Let’s get this out of the way, first, you call me Daddy or Sir, that’s it. Anything else and you don't get to cum for a week. Second, you do what I tell you, Third, no talking back. Both get you the same place, no cumming. Understand?” he didn't ask you to comply, he demanded you follow him.

He released your head, allowing you to come up for air, “yes, I understand.”

“I understand……?”  Oh!

“I understand, Daddy.”

“Good baby, now stand up.” he stood after you, pulling his sweats down as you stripped yourself of your clothes. “Hands and knees”

Pressing against you, his tip lined up with your dripping cunt as he latched a thumb to your clit, “I haven't touched you and you're dripping, you really are a whore.”

You couldn’t take his teasing, his tip running along your folds lubing his cock at a maddening pace. Removing his hand from your clit, he pressed against your back forcing your chest to the fabric of the couch and pushing your ass higher in the air.

Without warning, he thrusted his entire length into your walls. Feeling your walls pulse around him, Hajime let out a groan of your name.

Not giving you a chance to adjust, he pulled out to the tip before slamming back into your depths, sending you ford onto the couch.

“Feel good, slut?” he growled out, grabbing a handful of hair to pull your eyes towards him. Using your body as leverage to fuck you harder.

“I- Yes i-” you struggled to get out, as he barked out a laugh, thrusts never faltering as he pounded your g-spot.

“I haven’t even been fucking you for five minutes and you’re already all fucked out? A few harsh words and you become a bimbo? You really are just a street whore.”

Not giving you a chance to think as he sped his thrusts, fingers coming to circle your clit aiding in the growing sensation in your abdomen. Humping back to try and desperately meet his pounding.

A harsh thrust to your cervix had you seeing stars, collapsing into the couch as Hajime continued to use you like a hole until you zoned back into reality.

Pulling your back to his chest, your second orgasm already growing, “You better suck it up, I'm nowhere near done, Whore.”

[thetravelerwrites]

Errol (Naga) Lemon

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Female Human/Male Naga Additional Tags: Cheating, Infidelity, Break-ups, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Secretly In Love, Angst, Sex, Breeding, Pregnancy Kink, Dom/Sub, Ovipositor, Oviposition, Pregnancy, Babies, Eggs, Egg Laying Words: 7887

A commission for @anjhope1​​! After catching her fiance cheating, the reader breaks up with him and goes home miserable. The ex-fiance's brother, Errol, arrives on his brother's order to get his things from her apartment, but Errol is more interested in taking care of the reader and making sure she's okay. It leads to some confusing feelings and a confession. Please reblog leave feedback!

The Traveler’s Masterlist

You’d had your suspicions for a while, but it wasn’t until you got the message on social media from a girl he’d dated and dumped who had photographic proof of it that you finally had to face the truth.

Your fiance was cheating on you.

Eric was a naga and had been with you for more than five years. He had asked you to marry him, ring and all, on New Years Eve with his family. He had made a big show of it, too. And now, you were going to have to confront him about being a cheating bastard.

The woman who had been dumped told you that he was now dating her friend, and she had gotten the room number where they were supposed to meet. You got to the hotel with your heart in your throat and knocked on the door.

“Who is it?” That was definitely Eric’s voice. He had told you that his friend needed help moving and that he’d be staying over to help him. What a good friend he was.

You deepened your voice in an effort to mask it. “Room service.”

“Oh, good, I was wondering if you were ever going to come,” Eric said, and the door swung open. As soon as he saw you, the blood drained out of his already pale face.

“No, wait--”

“Hey, babe, did they bring the right wine this time?” A female voice said from inside.

You took off your ring and threw it in his face and called inside the room, “You can have the bastard.” And walked away.

“Wait, please, this isn’t what you think,” Eric said, slithering quickly down the hall to catch you. He grabbed your arm and you wrenched it violently out of his grasp.

“Babe, who’s this?” The woman said. She was human and pretty, you guessed.

“I’m his fiance,” You retorted. “Oh, sorry, ex-fiance. Don’t worry, he’s all yours.”

“What the fuck, Eric?!” She shouted at him. “Are you kidding me?”

“Rachel, it’s not…” He stuttered. “It isn’t…”

Rachel slapped him and pushed past you toward the elevator, not looking back.

“Babe--” He started, turning back toward you.

“Don’t you dare call me ‘babe,’ you son of a bitch. Why? Why would you do this to me? Why would you waste five fucking years of my life?”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you--”

“I don’t give a shit what you meant to do! I want an explanation. Was the sex bad? Do you not love me anymore? Are you just the type of person who has to have a side-chick? What? What about this is good for you? What about all this made destroying our relationship worth it?”

He groaned and scratched his head with both hands. “I… It… I can be anything I want to be with those girls, you know? If I say I’m rich, then I’m rich. If I say I’m successful, then I’m successful, and they don’t know better. They don’t know I have a shitty job that I hate. They don’t know that my girlfriend makes twice as much money as me, that she’s popular with people and everyone likes her better than me, even my own fucking family. They don’t know what a fucking loser I am.”

“And that’s my fucking fault?!” You screamed at him. “You know what you could have done instead of ruining a five year relationship? Gotten fucking therapy! Or, better yet, talked to me about it! I have been nothing but supportive of you. I have encouraged you to leave your job and find a better one. I told you I would support you until you found something that made you happy. You could have gone back to school or done and apprenticeship or vocational work, whatever, and I’d have been there! You could do whatever you wanted, and I would have helped you, and you know that!”

“Right, because you so fucking perfect, huh?” He yelled back. “It’s not enough that you rub your perfect job in my face every day and go around spending whatever you want because you don’t have to worry about money, but you also have to be perfectly supportive and perfectly giving and perfectly loving, too, right? How am I supposed to feel good about myself when you’re always better than me at everything?”

“So, it’s my fault you’re cheating on me because I’m a good girlfriend? Is that what you’re saying to me? I’m too fucking nice, so you had to put your dick in random women to feel better about yourself?” You raised your hands as if surrendering and shook your head in disbelief. “You know what? Fucking forget me. Forget our relationship, forget getting married, forget you ever knew me, forget my fucking face, don’t ever come to my house, don’t ever message me again, delete my number from your phone. As far as you’re concerned, I don’t exist to you, because you sure as shit don’t exist to me anymore.” You turned to leave.

“What about my stuff?” He protested.

“Send your brother to come get your shit,” You said without turning. “If you set foot on my property, I’ll have you arrested for trespassing. I’m not fucking around. I’m so fucking glad you never moved in when I offered. ”

“So that’s it?” He said as you waited for the elevator to come back up. “You’re not even willing to work this out? It’s just over?”

“Get fucked, Eric,” You said, stepping into the elevator. “Oh wait, you already did. Do yourself a favor and sell that ring to pay for a therapist.” And the door closed on him.

As soon as the elevator started to move, you hit the floor and sobbed. Why? Why was he like this? You thought everything was perfect up until a few months ago, and you hadn’t know he felt like this. He always seemed happy. How were you supposed to know otherwise if he never said anything?

How you got back home, you didn’t know, because you didn’t remember it. You grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the freezer and didn’t even bother with a glass. For about an hour, you just sat there disheveled on your couch, crying and drinking.

Sometime later, there was a sheepish knock on your door. You hoped to God that it wasn’t Eric, but when you opened the door, Errol was there. Errol, Eric, and their sister Enya, were all from the same clutch of eggs, so he looked a lot like his brother in that they all had white, black, gold scales, golden eyes, cream colored skin, and blond hair. Errol was a bit larger that Eric, and where Eric wore his hair short, Errol kept his long and braided back. You always thought that it made him look elegant, despite his size. He was still wearing his work clothes, as if he’d just come from his construction job.

You and Errol hadn’t spent much time together alone, since Eric was a little jealous of other men. He’d always been very nice to you, though, and liked you just as well as the rest of his family. He’d even given you advice a few times in the past when you and Eric were fighting.

“Can I come in?” He asked, wincing.

“Did you know?” You asked him, your throat raw and hoarse from crying.

“No, I didn’t know,” He said solemnly.

“Don’t bullshit me, Errol,” You replied harshly.

“I swear I didn’t know. I would have told you, I promise. My brother can be an asshole, but I never thought he would do something like this.” Errol grimaced. “Are you okay?”

“Do I fucking look okay?” You retorted, your voice shaking as the tears returned. “If you’ve come to get his stuff, just get it and leave.”

“I couldn’t give less of a shit about his stuff, I’m here for you,” Errol said. He held up a couple of plastic bags. “I brought take out and ice cream.”

“I’m not hungry,” You said vaguely, but you moved aside to let him in.

“I got alcohol, too,” He said as he slithered inside. “I could make you a Bailey’s float.”

You sighed and sniffled. “Okay.”

You sat at your table as he bustled around making the drink, laying your tear-flushed face on the cool surface of the wood.

“What did I do wrong?” You asked weepily with your cheek pressed against the table.

“Nothing,” Errol said as he lay the glass in front of you, moving a chair so that he could coil up next to the table. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then why did he do it?” You asked, sitting up and taking a watery bite of the ice cream. “Why wasn’t I enough? He said ‘girls,’ which means there’s probably more than the two I know about. How long has he been doing this? Our whole relationship?”

“When he called me to come over here and get his stuff for him, I asked. I’m not sure if he was telling me the truth, but he said it’s only been the last year.” Errol snorted derisively. “Only.”

“How many girls?” You asked.

He shook his head. “He wouldn’t tell me. He kept trying to get me to side with him, but…” Errol rolled his eyes. “I’m not buying anything he says right now.”

“Did he do this to his other girlfriends?”

“Well, you were his first serious girlfriend,” Errol said. “Before you, he only dated casually, so it was never a problem. When he said he really loved you, I thought he meant it.”

“Yeah.” Your lip quivered and you stabbed the spoon into your float. “Me too.”

Errol reached out and pulled you into a tight hug, which you sank into and let loose again, soaking his shirt in tears.

“I’m so sorry,” Errol whispered into your hair.

At some point, Errol put you to bed. You were exhausted and drunk and just wanted to sleep, so he lay you down and left you to it.

When the morning came, you felt like your head had been run over with a truck. You decided to get some coffee going before taking a shower, but to your surprise, Errol was still there. He was in the kitchen on the phone, his hair out of it’s usual braid and tumbling down his shoulders.

“What the hell is wrong with you, dude?” Errol said. You immediately realized he was talking to his brother. “No, I’m not picking up your shit. I don’t care if she burns it all.” He was silent for a moment, and you could hear Eric speaking. “No… No, you’re full of shit. Do you know what a good thing you had? Do you have any idea what I would give to have what you just shit on? …fuck no, I’m not going to talk her into taking you back, are you insane?! Get over yourself… No… No, it’s not happening, you can go fuck yourself right now… Look, I don’t have time for your bullshit right now.”

Errol hung up and turned, startled to realize you were standing there. “Oh, hey,” He said. “How are you feeling?”

“Not great,” You replied honestly. “I didn’t know you were still here.”

“Yeah, you were in bad shape last night and I didn’t want to leave you alone. I slept on the couch, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, no, that’s fine,” You said. “I was just going to make coffee.”

“Oh, I already made some,” He said, going to the coffee pot and pouring you a mugful. “I figured you could use it. I’ve got breakfast coming too, something greasy to absorb all that alcohol.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” You said, sipping the coffee. It was really good, but not your normal brand, though it tasted very familiar. Actually, now that you thought about it, you always drank the gross coffee Eric liked. This was a nice change. “I’m going to take a shower and wash last night off of me. Are you okay here?”

“Yeah, yeah, take your time,” He said, turning to pull down plates and prepare for breakfast.

You were about to turn to the bathroom but stopped. “Errol.”

He looked back up at you. “Yeah?”

“Thanks for… thanks.”

He smiled at you. “It’s no problem at all.”

You took your shower with your head pressed against the tile. Why couldn’t you just forget? Why couldn’t you put all of it out of your mind and stop thinking about it? What would it take to make the pain stop?

The water was cold by the time you got out, and when you went back into the kitchen, the food had arrived and Errol had everything set out on the table. He looked up anxiously when you came in.

“You okay?” He said, concerned. “You were in there for a worryingly long time. I was thinking about going in there if you hadn’t come out in five minutes.”

“I’m fine. Well, not fine, but you know.”

“Yeah,” He said sympathetically. “Try to eat. All you had last night were two bites of ice cream and a lot of alcohol.”

You picked up your fork and speared a sausage. “I must look horrible.”

“Nope, not possible,” He said, tucking into his own plate of food. “A person can look tired and cute at the same time, you know.”

You snorted, prodding your puffy face gently. “You’re too nice. Maybe I should have dated you instead.”

He laughed. “You know, it’s actually kinda funny, I was going to ask you out back in college before you started dating Eric.”

“Really?” You asked, surprised.

“Yeah, he kind of sniped you, if I’m being honest.”

“I never knew that,” You said. “Did he know you wanted to ask me out?”

“Oh, yeah, I told him,” He said, shoveling eggs into his mouth. “I told him there was a girl at my college who always went to this one coffee shop near campus, and I told him I was going buy you your favorite coffee and cookies as an icebreaker.”

Your head rocked back. “That’s exactly what he did when he asked me out.”

Errol tsked sardonically. “Yeah. I know.”

You scoffed. “Wow, what an absolute asshole.”

Errol shrugged and smiled. “Ancient history now. Do you want some more coffee?”

“Yeah, thanks,” You said as he filled your cup. “This is really good, what is it?”

“Orange and almond mocha.”

You cocked your head. “Wait… isn’t that the blend I drank at the coffee shop? It used to be my favorite.”

“I know,” He said. “I ordered some. I thought it might be a nice pick-me-up. The shit that Eric drinks is revolting.”

“That’s definitely true,” You said, looking at Errol closely. “You remembered what my favorite coffee blend was from five years ago?”

Errol looked up at you. His face seemed carefully blank.

“Yeah, but I mean, it’s no big deal.” He wiped his mouth and sat back. “I should get going, I have work in a few hours. Are you going to be okay here on your own?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I think I’m going to take some personal days.”

Errol nodded.”That’s a good idea. I’ll call later to check on you, okay? If you need anything, just text me.”

“Okay,” You said, feeling a little off-balance.

Errol smiled and let himself out, and you were left standing there, staring after him as an overwhelming sense of realization hit you like a freight train.

…did I date the wrong brother all this time?

Later in the day, Eric called. You almost weren’t going to pick up, but you decided to see what he had to say for himself now that the heat of the moment had passed.

“What do you want?” You said brusquely.

“Why did my brother spend the night at your house last night?” Eric said immediately.

“...excuse me?” You replied, incredulous.

“You heard me. What the fuck was he doing there?”

“I don’t see how that is any of your business.”

“What do you mean, it’s not my business? He’s my brother and you’re my fiance!”

“Ex-fiance,” You corrected him. “First of all, you are the one who told him to come over in the first place. Secondly, I was not obviously doing well last night and he stayed to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid or die in my sleep of alcohol poisoning. And third, and I cannot stress this enough, it’s none of your fucking business.”

“Don’t bullshit me, you know he’s in love with you.”

Your head snapped back in agitation. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Oh, you really don’t know? Ms. Perfect doesn’t know that my asshole brother has had a crush on you for years?”

“You’re full of shit, Eric,” You retorted. “Don’t drag Errol into this.”

“Did you just decide to fuck my brother to get back at me, is that it?”

“Fuck you, Eric!” You hung up the phone and hit the floor, a wave of anguish washing you again. What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he have to make everything worse?

The phone rang again, and it was Eric. You decided to block him and be done with it. You got a notification from Facebook, and then Twitter, and then Instagram, all from Eric. Every new notification made your anxiety rise higher and higher until you were balled up on the floor, sobbing again. In desperation, she dialed Errol’s number.

“Hello?”

“Please help,” She begged, weeping. “He won’t leave me alone. He keeps messaging me and calling me. I can’t… I can’t do it…”

“I’ll take care of it, don’t worry,” Errol said. He sounded angry.

“Can you come over? Please?”

“Of course, I’ll be right there.”

“Okay. I’m going to turn off my phone.”

“That’s a good idea,” He said. “If I need to, I can message you on your gaming console.”

“Okay,” You said. “Bye.”

He hung up with you and you turned your phone off, sitting on the floor of your kitchen in the blissful silence, unable to get up.

Was that true? Could it be possible that Errol had been in love with you the whole time you’d been dating Eric? He said he’d wanted to ask you out. He remembered tiny details, like what your favorite coffee had been. He made you your favorite dessert when you were miserable without even having to ask what it was. He stayed overnight to make sure you didn’t get hurt or hurt yourself. He bought breakfast and defended you. He didn’t have to do any of that. He was just your fiance’s brother. Ex-fiance.

He arrived shortly after you called him. As soon as he entered the house, before he had a chance to say anything, you reached up, took his face in your hands, and kissed him. For a second or two, there was no reaction, but then he leaned into the kiss, deepening it, savoring it, before abruptly putting his hands on your shoulders and pushing you back, forcing you to look him in the eye.

“...why did you do that?” He asked you, his face grim.

“Eric told me,” You said. “He said you’ve been in love with me the entire time I was dating him. Is that true?”

Errol looked down and away. “Look--”

“You told Eric on the phone that you’d have given anything to have what he had. You meant me, right?”

“Please don’t do this.”

“Errol, look at me!” You shouted.

It seemed to take a lot of will, but Errol’s eyes flicked back up to meet yours. They were pleading with you.

“Do you love me?”

His face scrunched as if he were in pain and he swallowed hard, shaking his head slightly. “I don’t…

“Don’t…lie to me,” You said in a tense whisper, tears spilling from your eyes. “Do you?”

Tears began to gather in his own eyes. His response was barely audible.

“…yes.”

“For how long?”

“Since I first saw you in the coffee shop.”

You tried to press forward to kiss him again, but he held you firm, sniffing. A tear rolled down his cheek.

“But I don’t want to be used to get revenge on my brother,” He whispered back, his voice strangled and uneven. “It’s not good for you and it’s not fair to me. You know that.”

Your face crumpled. He was right.

“I’m sorry,” You sobbed, unable to look at him anymore. “I just don’t want to think about him anymore. I don’t want him in my head.”

Finally, Errol pulled you into a hug.

“I know,” He said. His body was tense, as if he were restraining himself. “We can revisit this later. Much later.”

“When?” You asked piteously.

“Not now. Not soon. You need time to heal and I… need to think.”

“I’m sorry, Errol,” You cried into his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never saw it.”

He laughed slightly. “It’s not your fault. I got really good at hiding it. And Eric always kept you at arms length from me. I think he was afraid I’d steal you away or something.”

He let you go and you stepped away, looking at the ground in shame.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel like I was using you,” You said. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

He put his hand under his chin and made you look up at him, his thumb stroking your cheek. “For what it’s worth, I’m relieved the secret is out now. Tiptoeing around you and Eric was exhausting. The engagement was my worst nightmare, because it meant I’d have to just suffer in silence forever.”

“Well, I’m glad that’s over for both our sakes, then,” You said, attempting to smile.

He smiled too, but it was very soft. Gentle. “I don’t… think it’s a good idea for us to hang out together much from now on, at least for a while,” He said, letting go. “But… we can text. We can call. If you need anything, I’m always here for you. That’s always been true.”

You nodded. “I know.” You sighed and took another step back. “I’m going to miss you.”

His smile widened sadly. “I’m not far, but… I know what you mean.”

With the both of you in tears, he turned, opened the door, and was gone. Thirty seconds after he left, however, you got a text.

>Are you okay?

You smiled through your tears, feeling glad and grateful that he was still communicating with you. >No. But I think I will be.

>Good.

>Are you okay? You asked in return.

>Honestly, I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. This was a lot at once.

>Yeah, no kidding. I think I may see a therapist to help me out.

>That’s a really good idea. Maybe I should too.

>I think everyone should at least once.

>Yeah. Do you need anything?

>No, I’m okay. Thank you for everything, Errol.

>It’s my pleasure.

Some time passed. You and Errol talked and texted every single day. Neither of you brought up dating each other and carefully avoided affectionate language. He wanted you to heal and you wanted to give him a fair chance without the cloud of his brother hanging over you.

Talking to him was effortless, like talking to yourself. You each had your own tastes and dislikes, but you both loved a lot of the same things and had similar desires. You both loved your jobs, enjoyed the same music, gushed over books you’d read, and liked playing board games. One of your favorite things to do was watch movies remotely over Zoom. It was almost like being on a date, even if you couldn’t be together.

As hard as you tried not to, you compared everything Errol did to Eric. Even still, it was obvious that Errol had always been better suited to you than Eric ever was. It was abundantly clear that you had indeed been dating the wrong brother the entire time.

On what was supposed to be your anniversary with Eric, Errol sent you a link to play a horror game with him. Errol hated anything horror, so instead of spending the day crying and drinking and cursing Eric for being alive, you got to laugh the whole day at how loud Errol screamed when he was startled. It ended up being a wonderful day.

You did see a therapist, as did Errol, and the two of you would talk about your sessions with each other, sharing the advice the counselors had given you. He also sent you gifts through delivery, like the coffee you loved and your favorite treats. Whenever you’d had a bad day or had to deal with Eric due to post-breakup business, a treat would arrive the next day, and it always put a smile on your face.

You were worried that all the time apart might change how Errol felt, but he never wavered. You woke up every day to a text saying good morning, and went to bed after talking to him for at least an hour about your day. After a month, you realized that a day or two would go by when you wouldn’t think of Eric at all. You hadn’t thought that would be possible when you first broke up with Eric, and he did still haunt your thoughts most of the time, but the respite from the emotional distress of thinking of him, even for a short time, was wonderful.

Three months after the breakup and his confession, you, Errol, and your therapists all decided that you were ready to date again. That same day, Errol showed up on your doorstep with flowers. The sight of him was like breathing fresh air after being underwater.

“Hi,” He said, smiling brightly.

“Hi,” You replied, stepping forward to pull him into a hug. He reciprocated without hesitation.

“So…” He said, not letting go. “Do you want to go out with me tonight?”

“Yes,” You said, cuddling him closer.

He pulled back and kissed you for a very long time, tasting your lips and teasing his tongue just inside your mouth. When he pulled away, he pressed his forehead against yours and just looked at your face, touching your cheeks with his fingertips. Eventually he stepped back.

“Let’s go.”

Dating him was amazing. He knew everything there was to know about you, so he took you to places you loved, to all your favorite restaurants, to concerts he knew you’d enjoy. It was like you’d been dating for years already, even though it was just a few weeks. You made out like teenagers, hot and heavy, but he was careful about being intimate too quickly, though, still fearful about being a rebound. You respected that.

You were already talking about the future, though. You both wanted to get married eventually and to be parents before you turned thirty. Before breaking up, you had been talking about having kids with Eric, which was something he had expressed interest in during the start of your relationship, but recently he had been making excuses, like he didn’t have enough in savings or he didn’t feel ready. You guessed you knew why now.

You were worried that his family would be angry with you for ending your relationship with Eric and dating Errol, but they seemed completely understanding. It was likely they were also aware that Errol had been in love with you forever, and the fact that Eric cheated on you wasn’t something they were proud of. You were still warmly invited to all the family gatherings with Errol, and while having Eric there was a little awkward, his seething anger at seeing you happy with Errol was the best revenge you could have asked for.

“They let everyone in the office have the day off. Do you want to hang out today?” You asked Errol one night after about a month and a half of dating.

“Ordinarily I’d love to, but I’m feeling kinda weird today. Squishy. I think I’m going to have my period soon.”

He wasn’t being hyperbolic; nagas with male sex organs both created the eggs and fertilized them, but they didn’t have a womb or cavity in their bodies where the eggs could incubate, which is why they needed people with uteruses to propagate the species. It took a month for the eggs to develop inside them, but after that, they could implant them into another person’s body at any time they chose. However, after a year, the eggs died naturally and were expelled from their bodies, therefore, male nagas experienced periods once a year. Eric usually went to a specialized facility where the eggs would be humanely disposed of.

“Are you sure? Isn’t it rather soon for that.”

“I went into heat last week. The eggs usually die quickly after that.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize,” You said. “Why did you go into heat? That typically only happens when nagas in a sexual relationship with someone, right?”

“That, and if you’re experiencing extreme sexual needs that aren’t being met.”

“Oh. Ohhh…” You hissed in a breath. “Is it because of me?”

“It’s nothing you need to worry about,” He reassured you. “It’s my problem. I’ll take care of it.”

You were silent for a moment of deep contemplation. He seemed to sense you were thinking about something.

“What’s the matter?” He asked.

“Do you think the eggs are still viable?”

It was his turn to be silent. “Um… maybe. Probably. I think it’ll be another week before I need to go in to evacuate them. Why do you ask?”

“I was just thinking…” You said slowly. “We both said we wanted kids. And I know we’re just starting out, and this is super sudden, and it probably doesn’t even make sense to do this now, and we haven’t even had sex yet, but… oh, god, I’m rambling…” You sighed heavily. “If you’d like, we can wait until next year when we’ve been together for longer, but… it just seems like this is a good opportunity. It… feels right, you know what I mean? If that’s what you want.”

He took another moment of silence to think really hard about what you were saying. “Are you sure about this, honey?” He asked you finally.

“Yeah. Yeah, I am,” You said resolutely. “I love you, and I’m in a good place, both emotionally and financially. I’m ready to be a mom. I have been for years.” You fidgeted with the hem of your shirt anxiously. “Is this something you want? I mean… I totally understand if it isn’t. If you want to wait, that’s fine with me. I just… I want to do this.”

His voice turned sultry. “You really want my eggs?”

You grinned and bit your lip. You’d learned through hints in conversations you had with him that he had a little bit of a breeding and pregnancy kink.

“Yeah. But we should act fast if we want them to take.”

“I’ll be right over,” He said, and the phone clicked.

You immediately went into the bathroom to get ready, feeling nervous. There was a weight of expectation on you, not just because you were talking about getting pregnant, but also because of how long Errol had wanted to be with you. You were scared that you wouldn’t live up to his expectation.

He arrived shortly after, looking excited and nervous. You pulled him into your arms and kissed him. He was shaking.

“Are you okay?” You asked.

“Yeah,” He said, touching your face reverently. “I’ve just… I’ve been dreaming of this for so long. I can’t believe it’s actually happening.”

You smiled softly at him. “Come on.” You took him by the hand and pulled him toward the bedroom. He took a deep, shaky breath and followed.

Once in the room, he pulled you in and kissed you again, deeper this time, more probing, his body pressed flush against yours.

“I’m not sure how to… begin…” He said. “I don’t know what you like and don’t like yet.”

“We can learn as we go,” You said. “We don’t have to rush.”

“Well, what do you like? Do you have any kinks I should know about?”

You laughed. “I have a few, I guess.”

“Tell me about one,” He said.

Instead of telling, you knelt down and sat on your knees with your butt resting on your feet, perched forward on your hands, and looked up at him through your lashes.

“What would you like me to do for you?” You asked, biting your lip.

His eyebrows rose and a startled smile spread across his face. “Oh,” He said. Slowly, he took off his long shirt, exposing his torso and the slit on his lower abdomen, usually closed and imperceptible from his scales, but now swollen and puckered slightly. He ran his fingers through your hair where you were crouched on the floor and came close, so that his slit was near your face.

“Touch it for me, sweetie,” He said.

Gently, you circled one finger around the slit, feeling it pulse under your touch. He exhaled sharply and his head fell back, his braid swinging. With your forefinger and middle finger, you stroked it up and down, watching it open slowly. You leaned forward and kissed it, and he spasmed, groaning.

Gradually, two dicks emerged from his slit, a long, thin one with a spear-like head, and a shorter, thick one with a bulbous head. You knew each had a different purpose. Normally, the thin one would be retracted so that nagas could just enjoy sex, but the thin one was an ovipositor. It’s what implanted the eggs. You knew not to touch it, since it secreted a numbing agent that made implanting the eggs easier.

“Now?” You asked.

“Not yet,” He said. “You’re not ready yet. Stand up.”

You obeyed, and he began to undress you. You started to help, but he said, “No, no, let me do it.”

You put your arms back down and let him peel your clothes off. And then he just looked at you.

“Stand still,” He said. “Stay quiet.”

You nodded, obeying.

“Good girl,” He whispered. “That’s my good girl.”

He started with your shoulders, letting his fingers run over your skin, down your arms, up your sides, caressing your breasts, down your belly, and reached one hand between your legs. You gasped.

“Shh,” He said. “Stay silent.”

It was a hard order to follow, as he touched your pearl and massaged it slowly, running a finger inside your slit as he did. Your breathing was uneven and you had to bite a finger, but you managed to be quiet.

“You can make all the noise you want soon,” He promised seductively. “I just want to test how good you can be for me.”

You nodded again, your body shivering at his touch.

He brought his face very close to yours, so that your lips were mere millimeters apart, but stopped short of actually kissing you. You could feel his cool breath on your neck and chest, and it made your heart race.

“You’re getting there,” He said, pushing a finger inside your entrance. You inhaled, but bit down on your cheek to stay silent.

“Good girl,” He said, pulling his finger out. "Lay face down on the bed and lift your ass up. Spread your legs open.”

You nodded again and followed his orders, doing exactly what he asked of you. He slithered up behind you and went back to touching between your legs with one hand, the other sliding up and down your spine. You felt him sink down and kiss your thighs.

“You can moan for me, darling,” He said.

You were happy to obey, and whimpered against your pillow as he licked a long stripe from behind, kneading your buttocks as he did. He moaned as he sucked on you, your legs shaking. He pressed his thumb into you as he sucked, and you thought you were going to cum. He stopped just before that happened, leaving you feeling desperate.

“Good,” He said. “You’re perfect.” He crawled over you from the back so that his face was next to yours and he kissed you. “Are you still sure about this? We can just have sex, I don’t have to breed you.”

“You want to, don’t you?”

“Don’t worry about what I want right now, are you sure you’re ready for this?”

“Yes,” You simpered. “I want it. Give them to me. Please. I want them.”

He bit his lip, looked at you like you were something he wanted to eat, and grinned. “Good girl.” He went out of view then, and you felt his hands on your hips.

“Be still,” He said. “Let me in.”

You nodded, and felt the slim tube enter your body. The anesthetic began working immediately, so you only had a vague sensation of it pushing all the way in, penetrating your womb, and fixing itself there.

“Are you hurting, love?” He asked as he lay over you, putting his arm under your head so that you could lay on it and resting his body on top of you. Your hips were still in the air and your stomach wasn’t touching the bed.

“No, I’m okay,” You replied.

“Good,” He said, sounding a bit strained, his body tensing. His stuttering breath blew through your hair. “It’s starting.”

He grunted, but you couldn’t tell if it was in pleasure or pain. His breathing was sharp and punctuated as the egg moved down through the ovipositor and into you. You could feel a small swell in your stomach, but it wasn’t painful. He pressed his forehead against your shoulder and relaxed and shuddered, gasping.

“Did it hurt?” You asked.

“Not exactly,” He replied a little breathlessly. “It feels good, but it’s also a bit of work to push it out. Sorry this isn’t as sexy as you might have hoped.”

“Who said it wasn’t?” You replied, nuzzling him. “It’s like a special kind of foreplay. Besides, I’m really enjoying all the sounds that are coming out of you.”

“I can feel that,” He said, laughing. “You keep squeezing me.” He tensed again and started grunting, hugging you tightly.

“You’re doing great,” You told him.

“This is… harder than I thought it would be,” He said stiltedly. You could feel the sweat from his brow dripping on your skin.

“You can do it,” You said, kissing his arm as it gripped you and biting his thumb. “How many do you think there are?”

“I think three,” He said. He exhaled forcefully, and you felt another swell slip into you as he panted.

“One more, honey,” You said. “Deep breaths.”

He snickered, and then groaned. “Okay…” He said. He gripped you hard as the last one came and passed through. You were beginning to feel a full sensation in your belly and felt glad this was the last one.

Once it was out, the ovipositor retracted and he flopped onto the bed, gasping like a fish.

“Whoa,” He said. “Laying them in a person is way different than disposing of them.”

“How so?” You asked, moving to lie on your side so that you could touch him. He was clammy and cold.

“That felt great,” He said, looking over at you and smiling. “Like, it hurt a bit, but it felt like a small orgasm every time.”

“Probably a biological incentive to procreate,” You said, kissing his chest and neck.

He snorted. “Probably.” He looked at you with his eyes half lidded. “It’s going to be a few minutes until you get the feeling back down there. Why don’t you spend some time and play with me?”

“Is that an order?” You asked.

“Do you want me to punish you?” He asked.

“Maybe I’ll like it,” You said with a smirk.

He took you by the chin and made you look down at the second, larger cock, which was still erect and bobbing. “Touch me.”

You went down and sat astride his tail so that he could watch you take his cock in your hand, and begin to slowly pump it up and down.

“Hmm, that’s good,” He said with a satisfied sigh. “Let me know when your feeling comes back. We don’t want to waste time.”

“I will,” You said, stroking him. Your stomach felt tight, so you rubbed it as you touched him, drawing his eye. He watched you hungrily.

“I can’t believe you did that,” He said, smiling at you.

“We’re only half-way there,” You told him. “Don’t get too excited.”

He bucked his tail and nearly knocked you over onto the bed, making you shriek and laugh.

After a few minutes of teasing and touching and good-natured laughter, the feeling began to return. You started rocking on his tail to be sure, and realized that you were extremely sensitive.

“It’s back?” He asked

You nodded, pleasuring yourself against his body.

“Good. Lay down.”

You obeyed, and he moved to lay on top of you, his tail between your legs and his slit lining up with yours, kissing you deeply and rolling your nipples in his fingers. He pushed himself inside you as he kissed you, careful not to go too deep, as the ovipositor had made you a little sore. You rolled your body against his in time with his thrusts. You were so sensitive that you could already feel the crest of ecstasy beginning to wash over you.

“I love you so much,” He whispered against your skin. “I’m so happy.”

“I love you,” You replied, your hands in his hair as he moved inside you with purpose, precision. “I’m close. I’m so close.”

He stopped immediately, and you groaned shrilly, the sensation of denial sending a shiver up your back.

“Not yet,” He said, biting your lower lip. “Not until I say. Be a good girl.”

You nodded, panting and trembling, but your body was betraying you, writhing desperately against him, trying to regain the friction.

“Be still,” He said. “I’m not going to move again until you be still.”

You squealed in need, but you did your best to make your body stop clutching at him. It took a minute, but you managed to settle down.

“Good,” He said, slowly moving inside you again. “Good girl.”

“Cum inside me,” You begged. “Please.”

“I will,” He said, kissing you. “When I want to. Be patient and I’ll reward you.”

Your body was wound so tightly that you thought you were going to explode, practically vibrating underneath him. The sight of it made him grin.

“You’re so beautiful,” He said, licking your earlobe, still keeping the maddeningly slow pace. “Do you want it that bad?”

“Yes!” You groaned. “Yes, please. Errol, please.”

He thrust sharply, but not hard, and you nearly came undone. You cried out, about to snap like a string.

“Are you always going to be a good girl for me?” He whispered sinfully.

“Yes!”

“Do you promise me?”

“Yes!”

“Say it. Say ‘I promise.’”

“I promise, I promise, please!”

His thrusts became targeted again. “Beg me some more.”

“Errol, please! Please let me cum, please!” You cried. Every muscle, every nerve in your body was screaming for release.

“You can cum when I tell you to,” He said, though his movements were extremely efficient now. He was very good at drawing this out.

“I can’t take it, please!” You begged.

“One more time, say you love me, and I’ll give you what you want.”

“I love you! I love you so much! Please!”

From there, he wasted no time, slamming himself into you with speed. In no time at all, you were a screaming, shaking mess underneath him, thanking him over and over. The tension in his body and the sudden shout and moaning from him told you that he had reached his peak too.

“Not yet,” He gasped, rearing up. “I’m not done yet.”

He had leaned up so that he could look down at you and put his hand on your stomach, feeling the new hardness there. He kept going, pistoning against your body, snapping his hips against you, and rode the wave for a second time, all focus and concentration.

The both of you came one final time before he collapsed on the bed beside you, sucking in air as hard as you were. For a few minutes, all you could do was breathe.

After some time, he left the bed and went into the bathroom, and you heard the water in the tub running. You were barely conscious when he came back and lifted you out of the bed, taking you into the bathroom, and lay you down in the warm water of the bath. You were so tired and boneless that you could hardly raise your head, so he carefully, lovingly washed your body, paying special attention to your belly.

“Are you alive?” He asked after some time of sitting next to the tub, watching you drift in and out.

“I think so,” You replied, opening your eyes to smile sleepily at him. “Do you think they took?”

“We won’t know for a while. You should take it easy until then.” He smoothed the hair away from your face and stroked your cheek. “You’re going to have my babies,” He said, laughing a little.

“I hope so,” You said, taking his hand and kissing the palm.

“Eric is going to be pissed,” Errol said, snickering.

You snorted. “Honestly, I haven’t thought about him once today. This isn’t about him.”

Errol kissed you. “You’re right. It isn’t. It’s about us.” He lay his hand on your stomach and smiled gently. “All of us.”

Only one of the eggs took, but that was okay. Errol’s parents were overjoyed to learn they’d be getting a grandchild. Both you and Errol decided Eric could learn it on Facebook, like all the other strangers and acquaintances in your lives.

You took maternity leave so that you could pass your gestational time in relative peace. Errol fussed over you, making sure you ate properly and went with you to all your appointments. You made the decision to lay the egg at home instead of the hospital, and Errol’s sister acted as the midwife. It was the toughest work you’d ever done, and Errol was the best cheerleader you could have asked for.

Errol took paternity leave, like you had done, since he couldn’t leave the egg, anyway. He incubated the egg for the rest of the gestation period, curled up around it day and night. Errol’s son, Ewan, was born six months after being conceived, and within another year, you and Errol were married.

You often wondered if things had been different, if you had dated Errol from the beginning instead of Eric, if you’d be as overjoyed as you were at the moment. But then you figured that wondering about what ifs was a waste of time. You had a happy family to look after now, after all, and another clutch on the way. There was no time to worry about the past. The future was right in front of you.

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Thanks for reading!

My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Mini Series

E N H Y P E N as Vampires

pairings: jay park x reader

summary: you were obsessed to vampires not knowing you actually have on luring closely around you.

word count: 5.3k

warnings: a little spicy (keyword: little)

a/n: So after seeing black-haired Jay, I don’t know what else to feel. He really looked good! I mean, all of them looks so good. Oh my gosh, I don’t know. But I hope you enjoy this one. 🌸 (Taglist still open!)

taglist: @rubyanne, @izneos, @jung-breadshop @llamabouquet @eterniki @hwangjangmi @full-sannie @danyxthirstae01 @flowerjaem @dreamykkoo​​

“Oops. I’m sorry.” you politely said to the person you bumped into while holding some books over both of my arms. He glanced at you then decided to go back to what he was doing. You just shrugged it off and ignored it.

With a light bit to your lower lip you just continued your way back to where your table was. The table was already filled with a lot of books, you’re the only one occupying it but it seems like a group of friends were sitting there because of all the mess. You have a free period so you decided to spend your time here in the library, reading something about vampire.

“I knew I’ll find you here.” your head snapped upwards and a smile quickly spreads through your face at the sight of your friend in front of you.

He was gorgeous as always, Park Jay is in front of you, hair pushed back showing off that beautiful forehead of his. He was showing your his side-smirk while one of his hands was inside his pocket.

“Hi, I was just reading some stuff.” you said excitedly at him. He scoffed right at you didn’t really need to ask you what it was because he already knew what it is. There’s only one thing that makes you go crazy... vampires.

Jay sat down at the vacant chair beside you. He roamed his eyes around to all the different varieties of books at the table. There were thin ones and thick ones. All sort of those type of books you can see in a library.

“Can you even read all of these? I mean, there’s just too many.” Jay said sounding a bit concern as he even goes through some of the books. His face kind of made this unexplained expression as he see some weird stuff written over at the title of the book.

“So... I went here because Shan, is throwing a party later tonight. I was planning to invite you.” Jay said as he still kept looking through some of the books.

You don’t usually get along well with a lot of people. You only have few friends and Jay’s one of them. He figures it would be great to let you interact with real people instead of having you spend your night reading stuff like this. You glanced at him for a while.

“Sounds fun but I’ll pass. I have plans tonight.” you gave him a warm smile as you started flipping over at the pages of the book that you’re currently reading. You grabbed your small notebook to write down something new that you’ve just read.

Jay rolled his eyes and let out a loud sigh, “What plan? To read and research about vampires again?” you weren’t that much surprise to heard it from him. If there's somebody who knew you well, it would be him. Although you don't know much about your dear friend, he knew almost everything about you. Almost... since he doesn't have an idea about your feelings for him.

"Yeah, you got that right." you smiled at him before you went back at reading once again. Furrowing your brows seriously, you tried hard to focus at the books instead of Jay's manly scent.

You've always known his scent ever since. There's just something about it that makes your head grew blank of any thoughts but him. It was like his trademark, makes you aware that he's around.

He snorted beside you then rolled his eyes before resting his hand over at the book you were reading. With a shooting glare, you glanced towards his direction.

"I have better plans so we should go with mine." he shoot you with those intimidating stares. You can't help but to gulp while you're admiring his beauty. He looked so intimidating and hot at the same time. No wonder, a lot of girls from your university were head over heels for him.

"Why do you even want to bring me there? You know how I hate parties and you're probably just gonna use me to avoid those girls." you rolled your eyes at him as you shoved away his hands. You grunted when he don't even moved his hands. How can he be so strong?

"You're kind of right about the girls things but the main reason was because I don't want to be all happy in that party while you're being miserable reading." he said and even smirked at you.

You pushed the side of your cheek with your tongue as you raise an eyebrow at him tilting your head over at the side. "And who said I'll be miserable while reading? I would probably enjoy my night." you said.

He chuckled and finally moved his hand away from your book only to wrap it around your shoulder to pull you closer to him. With a bright red tinted over at your cheeks, you tried hard to calm yourself down.

"C'mon don't be a bummer! I promise I'll go to the library tomorrow with you and you can read for as long as you want." he said whispering over at your ears making your heart beat faster every time his hot breath fans over at your ears and neck.

You tried hard to ignore your beating heart and focused with what he just said. Did he really just said that? Offered to go with you at the library? He never done that before and despise it whenever you asked him to join you. He really got bored pretty fast so you can't blame him. Books just bore him out.

"Are you serious about that?" you said trying to check if he's saying the truth because you kind of doubt it. It can be one of his traps so he can make you go to that party.

"Yeah, I really mean it." and he smiled at you, this time sincerely. You felt your heart racing as your shoulder fell as a gesture of surrendering. You let out a sigh before you pursed your lips, starring over at his pretty eyes.

"Okay, we have to seal it." and you extended your hand over at him, showing him your little pinky finger.

Jay's eyes trailed over it and chuckle a bit because of how cute and childish you can really be. He raised his hand and linked his pinky with yours as he looked back up at you.

"Sealed. I'll pick you up at 8pm."

You tilted your head before slightly covering your ears as the loud music kind of ringed inside your head making it ache a bit. You're starting to regret your decision of coming here with Jay.

It's been almost like fifteen minutes and he can't be found anywhere! He just told you that he'll get both of you drinks and he disappeared. You rolled your eyes as you started fidgeting with your fingers, slightly starting to feel getting tired of the surrounding.

Whenever there’s a lot of people, you can just feel all of your energy getting sucked out. You don't know but that's just how you feel, maybe because you really hate being in a lot of crowd. Which is a little strange because your friend, Jay, was the complete opposite.

"Why does a pretty girl like you alone, huh?" your head snapped upwards when somebody talked to you. In front of you was one of the cocky football players in your school. You're familiar with him because he's one of the famous students. Often talked about by the girls in your class. He's also friends Jay, you think.

You gave him a faint smile, "Uh, Jay said he'll just grab us drinks." you reasoned out even though that was already fifteen minutes ago.

You saw how a playful smirk got plastered over at his lips, "Ohh, Jay... But I clearly remember seeing him banging somebody at the bathroom though?" he even tilted his head over at the side.

You didn't have time to examine his expression because you quickly felt betrayed after hearing that from him. He said he'll take care of you in this party but seems like he's gonna take care of something else. You have no right to get mad at him, it was normal. But what pisses you off is that you're supposed to be at your dorm, peacefully reading your books and he dragged you all the way here.

You let out a sigh standing up from the sofa and slightly pulling down the end of your short dress. You gave the guy an awkward insincere smile, "I think I should go." you mumbled as you were about to turn and leave the place when you felt him grabbing your arm, stopping you.

"Why don't you stay for a bit more? I can get you a drink." he smirked showing off his charming smile at you.

You battled inside your mind but ended up smiling at him in an apologetic way, "I'm sorry but I want to go now." and you tried to get away from his grip.

You made it outside the frat house and there’s still a lot of people outside but not as crowded from inside. When you were about to make it really out, you felt one hand gripped over you once again.

"Hey are you sure you don't want to stay?" it was the guy from before, he came after you.

"Uh yeah."

"Then can I just drive you home?" he sounds sweet, honestly. But since you knew him a bit, you know he's just basically wanting to get into your pants.

You gave him a smile once again, trying not to show that you're slowly getting pissed. Not to mention, Jay really did get into your nerves tonight.

"No, thanks." you sound polite saying no. When you were about to pull off from him, a hand suddenly loosen his grip from you and Jay's familiar back was now in front of you.

"Hands off, Yoon." Jay said firmly and he's now the one holding your arm. You rolled your eyes and looked away, still pissed at him.

"Okay! I was just offering her a ride home."

"Go offer that to somebody else." and you heard the guy walked away after he heard that from Jay.

You kept quiet even after he turned around to face you. His brows were furrowed hardly looking pissed as well. Taken aback at how he's acting, you pulled away from his grip.

"What?" you asked him sarcastically.

He let out a sigh, calming himself before he ran his hand over at his hair. "I clearly remember told you to stay and wait for me." he muttered seriously at you.

You smiled at him fakely, "Oh, I'm sorry. I figured you wanted to take time fucking the girl in the bathroom so I was just about to go home."

You saw the instant confusion over his face as he starred at you.

"What are you talking about?"

It pisses you even more looking at him denying it. "You were banging somebody at the bathroom that's why you disappeared."

He was still confused, "Banging? Who told you that? I was not--" you didn't even let him finish because you turned around, ready to leave. You were just getting pissed because he was denying it.

You felt him grabbing you and forcing you to face him, "Hey I'm telling the truth! You can even check if my I did. I was just caught off with some friends inside and when I went back to give you the drink, you were gone! You gave me a heart attack, thinking somebody took you somewhere else."

You crossed your arms at him, "I want to go home."

Jay starred right at your eyes and sighed heavily. He planned to actually have fun with you tonight but it seems like that's not gonna happen anymore because you're upset.

"Okay, I'm sorry baby if I left you for a long time." he said sincerely. You gulped and looked away from him as the sweet endearment of him rings over your mind.

You weren't even supposed to act mad. Then so what if Jay's fucking someone at the bathroom? He's already a grown man, he's attractive so a lot of girls will be interested to him! Maybe it's because of your jealousy? You don't exactly know what.

"Okay whatever. I wanna go."

"Okay, can I first have a hug because I was really scared when you were not there where I left you." you eyed him and he's now opening his arms for you.

"And to make sure you aren't upset anymore." he said smirking.

You starred at his eyes for a bit while before you gave in and let out a sigh. Slowly, you approach Jay and wrapped your arms around his waist while he wrapped his around you. He dropped a kiss over at your head before he mumbled something over at you.

"I'll just say goodbye with my friends inside and we can just go somewhere else." he softly said.

You pulled away from the hug after nodding, "Okay, I'll wait for you here."

He starred at you seriously before he shake his head, "No. I'm not leaving you ever again." and he pulled you by your hand.

When you made it inside the crowded frat house, the loud music once again ringed inside your head. The people inside were now getting wasted so it can't be helped to be bumped by somebody. Jay intertwined your fingers with his to make sure you won't be lost.

"Hey, I'll be going." you noticed Jay's familiar circle of friends. They eyed Jay and you saw that disappointed look over the girls that were there.

He chuckled as they groaned in disagreement. "It was a great party, dude. See you around." he lastly said before he started pulling you away.

You even saw how the girl's eyes looked at you with envy and madness. They sure want to stop Jay, that's for sure. But they also know once Jay made a decision, they can't stop him from doing it.

"Thank you." you smiled at him when he put some more books at the table. He smiled at you as he sat down beside you.

You're now at the library and as promised, Jay really did go with you. He even helped you look for books and said he will stay with you while you read.

As you started rummaging over the books, Jay rested his back over his chair and get his nintendo. He'll play while you do your reading. You've got no classes for today so you can do as much reading as you want without worrying for the next classes.

"Did you know vampires can live forever?" you said sounding so excited as you eyed Jay who's clearly busy with his game.

His hands were busy and his eyes too, while brows furrowed seriously, he gave you a quick glance.

"Oh really? Interesting." you ignored the fact that he sounded so sarcastic about and just kept flipping the pages of the book.

"And I even read that they can roam around even in broad daylight without worrying to be dissolved." you started blabbering some stuff you find cool about them.

Jay just gave you a small nod and still kept his eyes over at his game. You know you're sounding a bit pathetic to other people because of how crazy you are with vampires. They're just few people who believed they do exist and you're one of them. You're just glad that even though you're like this Jay didn't unfriend you. He's just there, listening with your obsession.

"Do you think it'll be painful if a vampire bite you?" You wondered and rested your elbows at the table then your head leaned over your palm as you stare over Jay.

You saw how he stopped moving his fingers and eye you. Those stares really gave chills over your back but you can't look away from him as well. His gazes truly were intimidating, but you love them.

"Wanna try?" he said seriously. You blushed hardly as you starred at him too.

You two were silent for a while as you slowly went back to your senses.

"What do you mean?" you asked feeling completely flustered.

He put his game over the table and leaned closer to you, you gulped starting to feel nervous. Jay's face was still serious when he stretched his hand and put it behind your neck before he pull you closer his lips quickly aiming for your neck.

"J-Jay?" you were confused why he's suddenly acting like this.

"I bet it'll hurt a lot, y/n. It will hurt so much that you can't even take the pain." he whispered after placing a soft kiss over at your neck.

You gulped trying to clear your throat and Jay pulled away now with a smirk over his handsome face. His hands crawled over at your neck and he grabbed it, with a slightly choking position but not tightening it.

"But I bet the vampire will enjoy biting your neck. Sure will do." he muttered before leaning closer to kiss you over at your cheek.

He pulled away and smiled at you, "I'll just get us some drinks." he winked before standing up and leaving you there, dumbfounded.

Jay's really driving you crazy! How can he pull off that stunt without even a single warning? You literally thought he'll bite off your neck or something. You sighed and you rested one of your hands at your chest. You can feel your indefinite heart beats, it was all his fault.

You starred worriedly over at Jay when he opened the door for you, one night. It was already 9pm and he suddenly called you saying he doesn't feel so good. You hurriedly went to his house to check on him and you saw him looking a bit unwell.

"What happened to you?" you asked worried and rested your hand over at his forehead. It was cold, like always.

He held your hand and smiled a little. You can clearly see that he isn't okay, that he's not feeling well.

"I'm fine. I'll get better once you cook for me." he said and starred right at you. You ended up nodding your head and instructing him to just lay down somewhere.

You tied your hair up and wore the apron slowly trailing over the familiar cozy floor of Jay’s house. It isn’t the first time you were there so were obviously used to it. You rummaged over his stuff and started making something you remembered he loved.

You were now chopping off some ingredients that you’ll be needing for the dish you’re planning to cook for him while you’re mind wonders off to Jay. Ever since the day at the library and the conversation about the bite in the neck, you started thinking about Jay even more. You don’t know why but you think you might be out of your mind. Your obsession with vampires was making you think your friend were actually one of them.

“Ugh.” you grunted lowly as you accidentally cut your finger. You quickly walked towards the sink to wash it away when you felt presence behind you.

“Y/n...” you heard Jay said in a low voice.

You turned around and saw him starring like crazy in your finger that was bleeding, “Jay, it was just a small cut.” you even tried smiling at him but his eyes were still locked at your bleeding finger.

Finding it a bit odd, you cupped his face using your unwounded hand and made him face you. It was just for a short moment but you clearly saw it with your own eyes. Jay’s black eyes turned into a bright red color. You don’t know how to express the excitement you just felt when you saw it.

“Y-You’re eyes...” Jay snapped back to reality and stepped backward, away from you. He knew he fucked up, he shouldn’t have made you go here when he’s like this, when he’s hungry. He thought he was in control and seeing you can somehow calm him down but why does it have to end this way? He can resist you as long as he cannot smell your blood but you just cut yourself and your blood triggers him.

All he wants now is to hold you closer, have some of those blood. Keep you near him, so close to him and to never let go. The most hidden feelings of him slowly becoming visible, he hates it.

“No way,” you mumbled still starring at him not minding that your finger was still bleeding.

“Yes way so if you don’t want me to eat you alive, get away.” Jay said and still slowly backing away.

You starred over at his eyes trying not to miss the moment of him changing his eye color. You can’t believe that what you just read was true. They did change their eye color! Excitement ate you whole as you advanced towards Jay, fear clearly can’t be seen over at your eyes.

“You don’t know how exciting that sounds for me, Jay.” Jay was dumbfounded to actually hear that from you. He’s being dizzy by the scent of your fresh blood and all the emotions that were starting to mess around.

He knew you were obsessed and crazy over his kind but he never really thought you’ll react this way when you knew about him. He didn’t took notice that you were now close to him. you cupped his face as you stare at him.

“Vampires do look breath-taking.” you said.

Jay gulped eyes turning red once again, you were too close and he knew it was dangerous. He pursed his lips as he held over your waist ready to push you away. n “Baby, this is not good. You’re making me so hungry.” he shut his eyes.

“You can have some.” Jay snapped his eyes open and when he saw how sincere your eyes looks, he can’t stop himself anymore.

He muttered small little curses under his breath before he carried you and made you sit over the kitchen counter. Jay held your face softly as his fangs slowly showed, “It’ll hurt a lot.”

You smiled and caress his face, “I can take it.”

He sighed and leaned forward to kiss you over at your lips once before he showered your chin and neck with butterfly like kisses. You shut your eyes as you held unto his hair.

Jay was already feeling so hungry and seeing your bare neck in front of him just drives him crazy. The countless times he fantasize of biting this flashed back through his mind, he didn’t even know there comes a time he will actually burry his fangs at your neck.

You bit your lower lip as you felt his fangs bury at your neck causing you this unexplainable pain. You quickly felt dizzy and Jay was there to hold you close to him making sure you won’t fall.

He pulled away and faced you, looking a bit pale, he got worried and held your face. You smiled seeing him in front of you, fangs showing and blood over at the side of his lips.

You leaned over and kiss it off of the side of his lips. You opened your mouth letting his tongue touch with yours. He groaned and even held your nape to deepen the kiss. You chuckled and pull away, n “You actually enjoy that taste?” you tried to joke when you had a taste of your own blood.

“It was the best so far,” he smirked.

You smirked at him too as you starred at Jay. His eyes weren’t red anymore but his fangs were still out in the open. “You look so hot.”

“Oh yeah?” he chuckled and leaned for another kiss.

It’s been days ever since the day you knew that Jay was a vampire and ever since then you started becoming his blood bank. He have this blood packs that you don’t know where the hell came from but he prefers to have your blood. It was kind of cute not until you’re full of his bite marks.

If it’s annoying for you, it’s a masterpiece for Jay. For him, seeing you full of his bite marks clearly like claiming you. He smirked while starring over at you doing your homework. Classes were over and you’re at the library with him.

“Aren’t you hot for wearing that?” he teased referring to your turtle neck.

You rolled your eyes, “Why don’t you try then? I clearly told you, stop putting it in a visible place! You never listen.” you hissed at him a bit pissed.

He smirked tilting his head before leaning forward and carefully ran his palm from your collar bone up to your neck, he leaned in.

“Then so what if I want to put it in where people can see it?”

“If its love bites, it’ll be just fine but they’re vampire bites. You hear that? Now, move away,” You rolled your eyes and Jay laughed loving how you talk back at him.

He held your chin and made you face him dropping a kiss over at your lips.

Finally, Jay left you because he have basketball practice and he said he’ll be out till night. It’s okay for you since you’re planning to do something while he’s busy with something else.

It’s been days since you kept on forcing Jay to turn you in. But it’s either he change the subject or he’ll straightly say no. It pissed you off since you were aware of the process of becoming one and you know it’s really possible.

You walked silently towards the football field and go straight over the back of their locker room. There you saw him, squatting down, smoking.

“I knew I would see you here.” you started. The guy snapped his head towards your direction and was a bit stunned to see you there.

“What are you doing here, Jay’s girl?” he asked and take a huff from his cigarette.

You pursed your lips before you let out a heavy sigh, “Can I ask you for a little favor?” you don’t want to waste any time and want to straightforward.

“It depends if we won’t get into trouble with Jay. Why are you even here? Why don’t you ask him for the favor?”

You crossed your arm, “Well, I already did but he refused to.”

He looked at you, trying to guess what you want.

“What is it?”

You were silent of a while before you let out a sigh, “Can you turn me into a vampire?” you suddenly blurted out, getting straightforward.

His eyes grew big for a while as he started coughing after breathing wrongly with his cigarette. You kind of feel bad, so you approach him.

“Are you okay?”

“Are you? This is actually someone approached me for this kind of favor. I thought you were gonna ask me to have sex with you for a second there, I mean that’s what girls usually ask me for a favor.” he was still a bit shock but he managed to stare at you. Now, he noticed the clothes you were wearing.

“So you knew about Jay and he’s feeding on you.” he stated a bit surprised by the situation. He can’t believe this kind of thing was happening right now.

You rolled your eyes, “Are you gonna do the favor or not?” you’re starting to get pissed and you’re actually running out of time. Jay’s practice will be over and you won’t have any time to approach this guy.

“Chill, how did you even know I’m one of them?” your eyes trailed over at his hand that was holding the cigarette.

“That ring, Jay also that kind of old ring. He said it helps him to walk freely in daylight.” you explained.

He nodded actually realizing you were pretty observant of your surrounding. “If you badly want to become one, then why don’t you ask him to turn you?”

“Do you think I didn’t do that? I already did. He kept on refusing.”

“Maybe he have his reasons? Look, I know the sound of living forever and not being able to die is tempting but trust me, it’s not that easy.”

You grew silent. You knew that. Of course you’re aware of that. You think about this a lot and it still brings you to the desire of becoming one.

“Does he know you’re here?” you looked back at him. brows starting to furrow.

“No.”

You saw how he smirked while leaning over the wall, n “That explains why he seems to be really mad.” you didn’t even have the time to ask him. You just saw him pinned over the wall, a mad jay was holding him by the collar.

“Jay!” you panicked and approached closer.

“What do you think are you doing, Yoon?” his eyes were red and fangs were visible. Yoon smirked at him and raised both of his hands.

“I’m not doing anything, Jay. She was the one who went here.” he said. Jay’s mad eyes were not darted over at you.

“He’s right, I went here myself.”

“What were you thinking?! You went there alone at night! You knew he’s a vampire and you still went there.” he was very mad. You made it to his house and you two were now in front of each other, his eyes bloodshot, angry at you.

“I wanted to ask him a favor to turn me in since you kept on declining.”

He eyed you, anger became more even intense. He doesn’t know what to feel when he actually heard that from you. All he know is that he’s angry and worried for you. Seeing you in front of Yoon a while ago made him so mad and jealous. For him, you were just his.

“I know you’re obsessed with vampires but I can’t believe you can be this crazy and desperate of becoming one.” he muttered angrily at you.

You pursed your lips while you stare at your fidgeting hands. You sniffed, tears started to pool your eyes. Slowly, you raised your head to face Jay and look over at his eyes.

“It’s not about my obsession about vampires anymore, Jay.” your tears fell from your eyes as Jay clenched his jaw. He hates it, he doesn’t want to see you crying, but he also wants this to stop. He doesn’t want you luring around another vampire again.

“Then what?”

“When I found out that you were a vampire, wanting to become one is not because of my obsession. It’s because I want to be with you forever.” you cried even more.

Jay’s eyes soften as he watch you, “Knowing that soon I’ll leave you hurts me. I don’t want to leave you, Jay. I love you.”

You cried hardly and cover your face with both of your hands. Jay sighed eyes turning red. He advanced closer and held your arms carefully. He uncovered your face kissing you over at your forehead then cupped your face.

“Do you really mean it?”

You starred right into his eyes as you nod your head. He smiled as he leaned closer kissing your lips.

“Alright,” he mumbled softly and turned your head over at the side then moved your turtleneck. He bite over your neck, making you grunt a little.

He pulled away as he held unto the end of your shirt and take it off of you.

“On your knees in front of me, baby,” he ordered giving you those intense look.

Slowly you followed what he said. Jay starred down at you before he fold his sleeves up to his elbow before he bite his two fingers. You saw how his blood ran down.

He moved it down and placed it in front of your face. You looked at it before you looked back over at Jay.

“Open your mouth for me.” he muttered lowly. You followed and carefully entered his two fingers inside your mouth letting you taste his blood.

“That’s it, every bit.” you drank his blood and felt a bit stranger.

“That’s a good girl.” Jay said before he withdraws his fingers from your mouth then crouched down to kiss over your lips. You moaned when he bite over your lips making you open your mouth, sliding in his mouth and you taste more blood from it.

Jay pulled away and carried you over at his bed, laying you down and showered kisses over you as he whispered over your ears.

“I’ll turn you and keep you forever, y/n. You’re gonna be mine and you will never ever have a chance to leave me.” he said right over your ears.

“I love you, Jay.”

You felt his hands over at your body. He kissed the center of your tummy, up to the middle of your chest, to your neck then grabbed it by his hand. He pulled away and starred right at your eyes, his eyes were red, full of affection for you.

“I love you, y/n.”

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