#but then again the great thing about vocaloids is they can be however you want so all options are correct really

[killjoy-prince]

Man can you imagine if one of the April Fools events they do with project sekai and have it tie in with persona

Like have the default vocaloids be Velvet Room residents and the rest of the characters are persona users but the personas are their sekai versions of the vocaloids. The leaders are the wild cards so they get three and then the other members get one each (usually the one that debuted in that character's event) and then go from there

[akuma-tenshi]

Long-overdue intro post

No fancy formatting or anything, let's just fuckin' go. I'll update it later.

Hi!! I'm Casey. Or Akuma, either works (though i usually prefer Akuma if we're not close). I use they / them pronouns but am alright with.. pretty much any gendered terms. I'm neurodivergent but not a minor.

Pretty much the only fandom I post about nowadays is Identity V because of the absolute GRIP it's had on me for going on four years now, but End Roll also makes appearances every now and again w/ other fandoms.

DNI's are pretty standards. TERFs, SWERFs, proship, all that. The one hard line I draw with specific ships is Adamil; it's not personal, the ship just makes me viscerally uncomfortable and i don't want it anywhere near me.

As for characters I like: IDV — I have a lot. However, the biggest ones for me are Demi, Emily, Annie, Norton, Luchino, Frederick, Ganji, Emil, Lily, Matthias, Patricia, Ithaqua, Grace, and Joseph. I'm very fond of most of the cast with few exceptions, but these are just the ones I'm especially ill about. End Roll — Tabasa McNeil save me Tabasa McNeil,, the entire cast is great but Tabasa just Hits Different man Your Turn to Die — Sara, Reko, Kurumada (my friend's fault), Kai, and Anzu are all very special to me Genshin Impact — I've long since left the fandom and the game behind and have no desire to return, but there are a couple characters I hold very dear to my heart. Those ones are Gorou, Cyno, Collei, Freminet, Baizhu, Xinyan, and Bennett. Tighnari too but I'm slightly less insane about him. Bloodborne — Micolash, Maria, Father Gascoigne, and Eileen. I don't have much to say because I don't talk about them much, but rest assured I am incredibly mentally ill over them. Parties Are For Losers — The entire cast is very special to me but Sergei will always be my favourite. Dima, Olya, and Anya are all very close seconds. Other characters I really love that stand out from their fandoms are Quentin Smith (ANoES 2010 / Dead By Daylight), YOHIOloid & KAITO (Vocaloid), Solaria (SynthV), Jujube & Ama Ryllis (Mandrake Boys), Falken (Dislyte), and Kelthur Marwen & Desira (AFK Arena). These are all characters from fandoms / media I don't interact with much anymore, but they still live rent-free in my head.

Other things I like are cats, thunderstorms, Cake Bake Betty's music, and pastries. I have quite a few characters I headcanon as agender / non-binary and who I will always use they / them pronouns for, but I couldn't care less if you use their canon pronouns around me. I'm an aspiring author with way too many OC's, though I don't really do any OC posting here because my blog is mainly meant to be a fandom-centric space.

Sideblogs: @pmakuma — IDV match clips @true-pr00f — Fanfiction sideblog @sunsetandshadows — Side project I'm working on with @sunset-of-the-void centering around two of our OC's

You can also find me on Twitter at _akumatensh1_ and AO3 at True_Pr00f.

[mikunology]

Mikunology Reviews #2: NX STARS (2022)

Alright, here is my second review! Today, I'm reviewing something much more recent and kind of obscure depending on your circles...the album NX STARS created by VOCALOEDM circle NEXTLIGHT!

Uh, so, like I said, I wanted to review mostly albums I'm interested in (someone did give me a suggestion I might follow up on though) and as a big EDM listener and a fan of several of the DJs in NEXTLIGHT, I figured I'd give the NX series some spotlight. I'd like to review some of NEXTLIGHT's other projects as well in the future. But anyways, let's get on it!

Star Theory - We start off the album with a song from Reno! This song is a bright, poppy electropop track, fitting to the album's star concept. I have to say, it's a good start: the song has a strong dazzling air about it, complemented by Miku's vivid and cute vocals. It definitely has this "sparkling" vibe with the way the synths are used, and it does a good job at getting you ready and excited for what's ahead. Pretty good!

Sono Koe wa Kagami no Gotoku (That Voice That's Like a Mirror) - OK, not gonna lie, this is probably my favorite track on the album and we're only on #2! I'm admittedly kinda late on hopping on the keisei fan train - I wasn't a big fan of "Singularity", to be honest. But this song is wonderful: the song's guitar and piano and the almost "soaring" feeling of the music is incredibly refreshing and addicting. Not to mention, this song uses Miku NT fantastically - she sounds nearly indistinguishable from V4, minus some light engine noise. I don't know how keisei does it.

Tenbinzu no Principal (Libra's Principal) - A dazzling pop/future bass track courtesy of colate! I don't think I liked this one overly much upon first listen, but relistening to it has made me like it a bit more. Like Star Theory, it has this very "sparkly" and "magical" feel to it, between the twinkling synths, dashes of violin and light, clean future bass drops. Still, I think this one is a bit on the forgettable side compared to the previous two tracks.

Candy Load - emon my beloved!! A sort of guest on part of NEXTLIGHT, he brings his typical fun and fresh pop to the album. It feels a slight bit different from his usual stuff, so to speak: Miku's vocals (which are provided by Miku Sweet) feel more subdued than usual, and it has some more chill parts to it. But, it is a good track! The chorus is as funky and catchy as only emon can bring, and I can easily have a good bop to it. If you like "Metamo-Ribbon", for instance, I think you're easily gonna love this one. Probably one of the more stand-out tracks.

Kashimashi Bischet - A new track provided by Twinfield! However, unfortunately…I kinda feel lukewarm on this one. Don't get me wrong, it is a fun track, but I feel like it has trouble standing out, with the only part that really got my attention being the drop before the final chorus - it leads into this really cool and fun-sounding instrumental section, and it makes the following chorus feel a lot more fun as a result! Basically, the song feels a bit like it takes too long to "get good". But eh, I'll give it a 5/10.

Magical Shiny Sky - This track is provided by picco, aka the current queen of Vocaloid future bass XD I have to say, though, this track is pretty good! I feel like during my first listen of this album, I didn't give it too much credit, but I think it's pretty cool. It has a great beat to it and it grabs you from the get-go, and it keeps that fun, jumping quality going through the whole thing. And again, this song has the signature "sparkly" element most of the album has been keeping! It feels pretty satisfying as a future bass track.

Ride the Light - This song is written by Capchii! This has a somewhat harder beat to it, making it kind of unique since this album has mostly been light electropop. However, I don't think I'm super keen on this track: the music itself is good, with the harder electropop beat working for it well and having a fairly catchy hook, but I'm kinda…lukewarm on Miku's vocals? I think Capchii uses her well on average, but she sounds kinda underwhelming on this track and it makes the song kinda so-so.

Ryuusei Empathy (Meteor Empathy) - This next track is by another "guest", Buono! This one is hard to describe…I can't name any traits from it that the other tracks on this album don't adhere to? This one has a sorta funky chorus, almost emon-like, but despite listening to it a few times I find this one mostly forgettable. Sorry, Buono :'D

Your Wish - A second track created by Reno! This one is good - admittedly not as strong as Star Theory, in my opinion, but with a nice uplifting and bopping vibe to it. I'm growing more and more fond of their way of tuning Miku as well :D The way she sings "Your wish come true" at the end of the chorus is super satisfying and definitely instilled a Feeling™ in me. High rec this one!

Outer Shelter's - Finally, our last track is brought about by Adomiori! This one is actually rather chill compared to the rest of the CD - it's more slow and emotional rather than perky and bouncy, but it still keeps the happy theme of the album. I really like it, actually?? The way Miku sings in this one is very nice, and I love the vibes here - it really gives that sort of "floating in space" feeling. The melody both for the vocals and the drop is great. It feels like a very suitable final track to end off such a starry tracklist.

And that's it! Overall, I'd say this album is pretty good - even if I say a song is sorta mid, I can't necessarily say any of them are absolutely worth skipping (i.e. really bad), and most of the tracks are very enjoyable. If you enjoy electropop or future bass when it comes to VOCALOID, I think you will enjoy most if not all of NX STARS. I highly encourage you to check out NEXTLIGHT if this album seems up your alley!

I'm thinking next week, I could cover my favorite from the NX series, NX ENCHANT, but idk, maybe I'll do something else instead. I hope you enjoyed my review ;v;

[linalilia]

[meet the prisoners!] prisoner 006: yoshioka eiko!

sorry guys some of these prisoners' image colors are very bright 😭

(also speaking of image colors. yes i know that shun and akio's image colors are very similar. i know. i tried to change shun's color recently but he just doesn't look that good with other shades of purple? and i refuse to change akio's image color, it just feels right to use that shade for him. so. yeah)

anyway, do you remember kei's personality description? good, now meet his female version. HNJSHJSJSJ i'm just kidding, even though kei and eiko are very similar (and they're kinda supposed to be like that because they're a pair, you know, 05 and 06), they have a lot of differences as well.

(also another note, sorry, but basically i was a little embarrassed about many of my ocs having names that start with the same letter or names that simply have the same letters, for example, akio, aimi and asahi or kei, eiko and eiji.. but then i remembered that like five out of ten canon prisoners have last names that start with "k" and three of them have last names that start with "ka". so.. yeah, i think i'm fine actually. I'M SORRY THIS IS JUST SO FUNNY TO ME LIKE.. THAT'S A LOT OF K'S)

Warnings: .. as you have probably guessed, this is what happens when you grow up with deco*27's songs: you kinda become obsessed with writing toxic relationships sjhskksls. so yes, we're dealing with destructive romance again this time! i promise not all of my ocs like that i swear the next four prisoners' crimes actually don't have anything to do with romance

General info:

Name: Yoshioka Eiko (吉岡 英子) (her last name means "good luck" and "hill" and her first name means "excellent" and "child")

Age: 23 y/o

Gender: Female

Status: Prisoner 006

Birthday: December 19 (Sagittarius)

Height: 168 cm

Blood type: B

Image color: #B4EFFF

Occupation: University student and a part-time model

Personality: At first Eiko really does look like Kei's "female version": she's flirty, playful, she's always ready to use her appearance to get what she wants and she's a very confident and talkative young woman. She also seems to be very interested in romance and even though she's literally in jail right now, she's still looking for a partner to "fill that void inside of her". However, that's where their similarities end. The thing is.. Eiko is actually much smarter than Kei. She doesn't lie, but it doesn't mean that she's always being 100% honest: she just doesn't mention some details on purpose. For example, sure, she will tell you everything about her victim, but she won't say anything about how she killed them. She actually has a potential to be the most manipulative prisoner here.. but she's too lazy for that, so she doesn't even try unless she absolutely has to. Like Akio, she doesn't take this whole thing seriously and when she met the guards, she thought that this is just some kind of roleplay and said that one of the guards enjoys punishing prisoners way too much for this to be real. And she actually decided to go along with it.

MV info:

Which canon Milgram song she would cover: No, Kei wouldn't cover Tear Drop even though he's literally wearing the same sunglasses from the MV. But Eiko would cover it! I don't have a deep reason for assigning her this song, it just has her vibes and I know she would do a great job covering it.

Which DECO*27 song she would cover: Relationship Scramble! You'll see why later.

If she could cover a song by a different Vocaloid producer, which one would it be: Cute Girlfriend by syudou. Again, you'll see why later <3

Her MV description: Just like Kei's MV, her MV would have very bright colors as well and the instrumental would sound a lot like something you could hear during a fashion show, if that makes sense?

The video starts with Eiko getting ready for something and we can see her trying to pick an outfit. She can't decide, so she turns to the mannequin she has in her room. The mannequin doesn't move and doesn't say anything, but she still smiles and finally makes a decision. When she's ready, it looks like she's about to leave.. but she doesn't and instead she just lies on her bed with a laptop and she looks really happy. She gets a notification and when she checks it, everything around her becomes the same color as her image color and it doesn't look "real" anymore, it's like everything around her is "digital". She's not home anymore, it's like she's walking around town and she finds everything very interesting. The lyrics mention her "taking a step into someone's world". She ends up buying some clothes and when she's back, she puts everything she bought on that mannequin from earlier. She looks proud and the lyrics say "I can't wait to finally see you".

She keeps going to that world and coming back with more stuff for that mannequin. Clothes, accessories, she even buys it things like books and games, like this thing actually has hobbies.. like this thing is actually a real person. She even hugs and kisses that mannequin and it looks like she really is in love with it. But it also looks like Eiko is sad for some reason and she finally decides to actually leave the house and not just go back to that digital world. This time everything around her is dull and gray and she doesn't pay much attention to her surroundings until she notices someone. When that happens, she just stands there, shocked and she can't look away from them.

Right after that, she goes home and when she turns the lights on, she walks closer to the mannequin and now it looks like she hates this thing and finds it disgusting. She starts breaking it, she starts tearing its head, arms and legs off and even beats the mannequin with its own limbs. She looks like she's really angry at it, but she's also crying at the same time? When she's finally done, she goes outside while holding a huge trash bag and throws it out. She goes back to her house and the MV ends with Eiko singing "I guess I'll just have to find someone new" and you can notice that her nails are actually painted the same color as Kei's image color.

Trailer 1 Voicelines:

"Hi~ My name is Yoshioka Eiko, nice to meet you! I'm still a university student, but I also work as a part-time model. Hmm, so you two are, like, the prison guards or something? Haha, so you enjoy being in charge? Ouch! Okay, okay, sorry~ So you want to know more about my crime too.. Well, I wouldn't call it a crime personally. I had to do it, I was lied to, after all."

".. Why is he not replying?.. I swear, he used to be online all the time before that incident happened. I guess I'll have to finally pay him a visit."

Trivia:

She doesn't care about her verdict, she just wants to see how everything will go. But she also thinks that she will most likely get an innocent verdict because "people love to see a woman suffer because then they can just say "oh, you poor thing" and make her depend on them so much that she won't be able to do anything without them".

She committed other crimes and not just murder, but she had only one victim.

She's very close with Kei and Prisoner 008 and she also tried flirting with Shun, but she left him alone after she found out that he has a girlfriend. But she said that Shun actually doesn't seem like the most loyal person and even though she wouldn't mind him having multiple partners (and she's more than okay with being in a poly relationship with him and Kei), she would prefer it if he stopped claiming that he can't just forget about his girlfriend and try dating someone else.

She's the only prisoner who managed to fluster Eiji, the guard who wants to vote everyone guilty, after she played along and went "Go on, punish me if you want, I don't mind". She thinks he's adorable.

She does share some traits with Mahiru, another Prisoner 006, but they're also very different. For example, Mahiru seems more interested in "emotional" love and she's more of a traditional hopeless romantic, meanwhile Eiko is more interested in "physical" love and even though she wants to have a boyfriend, she's not interested in "cutesy" and "lovey-dovey" stuff.

Personally, I feel like she's the least sympathetic female prisoner OC of mine? I made her sound like a girlboss and she kinda is, but when you think about her crime.. Yeah, this girl's morals are non-existent.

Kei and Eiko definitely have their own theme as well and honestly, it feels like they actually have two themes. I seriously can't decide which one should be their "official" theme, so.. It would either be something like "Idealization" (What if someone who you admired/loved so much turns out to be not as perfect as you thought they would be? Would you accept that? Or.. would you try to change that?) or "Betrayal" (If someone who is very important to you betrayed you, what would you do? Would you hurt that person back or would you rather hurt people around them to express your anger?)

[pillow-anime-talk]

music & vocaloids month ; sixth day.

synopsis: A little game of cat and mouse never hurt anyone, right?

# tags: scenario; current relationship; romance; a bit of comedy; study!au; bratty!reader; kiss; sfw

includes: female reader ft. ryouta sakuraba & rest of boys in the background {tsukipro}

You loved teasing your blonde-haired boyfriend and this moment seemed like the perfect time for it. You texted Ryouta very little throughout the weekend, sometimes replying to him after a few hours with one word or one emoji. Your boyfriend was very affectionate and always wanted to clear up even the slightest conflicts between you two, so for every question like ‘Did something happen?’ he sent a lot of question marks and crying faces. When you replied that ‘Everything is fine’ he was really depressed because he knew nothing was right and he really didn’t understand what he did wrong last week.

On Monday when you met again at the university, Ryouta came over to you with the intention of giving you a long hug and asking how you were feeling. You pulled away, however, and his expression immediately dropped. He felt like a small child who had just been taken away from a large chocolate ice cream with strawberries and sprinkles. So he looked at you with great surprise and sadness, and you asked if something was wrong; of course you still pretended to be mad and cold.

“I wanted... I wanted to h...” He started but the sound of an incoming text message on your phone interrupted him. You quickly took your smartphone out of your pocket and smiled at the male.

“It’s Chiyo, we agreed to study together in the library. We will talk later, okay? Bye Bye.” You quickly said to him without even giving him a kiss. You also didn’t say his lovely nickname, which you gave him a long time ago. The twenty-five-year-old was seriously devastated.

{ ･ﾟ✧ }

Ryouta spent next few breaks with his best friends; Koki, Kensuke and Mamoru. The four of them debated why you were acting this way.

“... You just haven’t given her flowers or chocolates for a long time. Girls love things like this a lot.” The blue-haired man said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, while sipping cherry juice from a can from a vending machine.

“He just didn’t take her out for a romantic dinner last month or take her to a coffee shop for her favorite cake and coffee in the last month.” This time the oldest of all spoke up, slowly eating his warm meal.

“Or when she needed help or your presence, you didn’t give it to her.” The other blonde finished, and Ryouta only groaned in pain.

“But I’m really trying... I don’t understand anything anymore, guys. I always try to be next to Y/N-chan, I always help her with her studies and we spend our free time together on various activities. I also bought her some new clothes recently because I saw she liked it... I think I don’t deserve her.” The man’s head fell on the white table, and the three friends looked at each other. Without a word, each of them took out their phone.

“The nearest flower shop is two minutes from our university.”

“I booked you a table at a ramen bar.”

“And I booked you two tickets to some romantic movie. I don’t know anything about it at all, but it has five stars on the cinema website, so maybe she’ll like it.”

Ryouta lifted his head up immediately and then looked at each of his friends who were still eating their meals as if nothing had happened. The blonde-haired young man definitely couldn’t find better friends.

{ ･ﾟ✧ }

After finishing your classes, you left the building of the huge Tokyo university, and then slowly made your way towards the gate; to your surprise, your partner was standing right next to the exit with a huge bouquet of your favorite flowers and an uncertain smile on his lips.

“... H-Hey, Y/N-chan.” He said shyly, handing you the flowers. “I am sorry for everything that has caused you pain. Today I would like to repay you for your love and the time you offer me. I hope you’ll find a moment and have dinner with me...?” He asked slowly looking up at you and you just smiled, touched by his kind words.

“Oh, Ryo-kun...” You said softly, almost feeling the first tears in your eyes. You felt bad that you behaved this way towards your beloved lover. “You didn’t do anything wrong, I was just... teasing you. Please don’t be angry with me... And thank you for the flowers. They are beautiful.”

“...So you weren’t mad at me?” He asked with slightly bigger eyes and you nodded your head. The man quickly hugged you and lifted you up high, while kissing you on the lips. “Oh my God! I was so afraid, baby!” He said happily, laughing. Then he set you down on the sidewalk and gave you another kiss, this time on the forehead. “Maybe it’s a good thing you teased me over the weekend. At least now I can take you out for food and movies... Let’s go, Y/N-chan!”

previous day ; ouka kira and issa kiduku from vazzy ♡ next day ; momotaro onzai from moons

[shyuch]

So I went to Swampcon...

^This is not my picture, I stole it so I would have a good photo to use as my banner.

What can I say? My first convention; I'd say I'm a pretty closeted anime fan, so this is something definitely new for me. I definitely enjoyed it though.

I went to Idolfest (my favorite of all):

I must say, the last girl really knew how to dance. Plus, it was Eurobeat, so I couldn't stop myself from getting so hype. The rest of the performances were fire as well, it's just the last one blew me out of the water. It's one of those things where you just want to absolutely head-bang to it.

I didn't get it on video, but she did a NASTYYYYYY body roll that had everyone screaming near the end.

I also went to Artist Alley:

Got some prints of the best video game series ever: Yakuza. On the left is Kiryu and on the right is Majima. They are both legendary in their own ways, and I guess you will have to find out why by playing the actual game. The art style was really cool also, placing them alongside their respective symbols.

(My profile picture is also from this series, Akira Nishikiyama)

I would've gotten bigger prints, but I was already extremely broke from spring break, so I had to settle for less. Although, I did get a pair of horns from a shop.

I saw Vincent:

Also, there's the horns I was talking about earlier. But it's just a great picture isn't it, two dudes having fun at an anime convention hosted by their university.

I saw the best/worst Vocaloid concert ever:

Don't get me wrong, it's cool. It's cool to see a bunch of other vocaloid fans packed in the same room, listening to the same niche genre of music. However, it was just a 2D projection of a video (I kinda managed to turn down the exposure and make it look cool?). It's no different than me just linking a video of:

or

I know I shouldn't expect too much, but somewhere in my heart I really wanted there to be some crazy 3D projection that they set up in the grand ball room to absolutely blow us away.

(Fun fact, I think Senbonzakura is about the Meiji Restoration)

Bonus R2D2:

That's it. It's just R2D2 with me repeatedly saying "o." I was cool to see something more on the Geek side than the Otaku side.

Some Analysis:

While there wasn't millions of Doujinshi stalls scattered everyone along the Reitz, we can still see the Otaku traits in action. For example, the cosplays. I bet there were more cosplayers than actual non-cosplayers there. Each of them did it on their favorite characters in a different way, and we can really see how they managed to refictionalize a fictional character.

Additionally, the Moe elements. Remember when I was fangirling over that eurobeat dance? The way that woman was dressed up, it was definitely to appeal ot the Moe elements. The knee high wide socks, the short plaid skirt, headband... They combined a bunch of elements that people like into an outfit for the otakus to enjoy.

Not to mention, my prints. The Moe elements in this case were the symbols and the character's physiques. Their respective symbols is a big part of what makes the whole franchise "cool." Also, their muscular physiques also attract a lot of other men who maybe want to participate in the guise of a hegemonic masculinity, not to mention that their clothes are also what makes them appealing. Not give the wrong idea though, the majority of the game does not depict the characters as this "super macho" hegemonic masculinity, it only does that through the main story. The rest of the game show them as being tender and kind.

Also, the acceptance of queerness was clear throughout the whole convention. Nobody batted an eye. It was cool to see something in theory, that Otakus can distinguish from fiction and reality, hobby and self, play out in a setting like this.

Overall, I'm definitely doing this again.

10/10

[apurikottotii]

november song recs

i know this month hasn't ended yet, but i know it's gonna get busy after thanksgiving break, so i'm gonna write this now. i want to start writing these to sort of remember these months by songs i liked. a good reminder to how each month was like. this month was a lot less vocaloid centric than usual. maybe that's good. i'm becoming more normal.....

---this december - ricky montgomery

the second i heard this song i immediately fell in love. it felt like something i've heard before, something that would have played a lot during my childhood. it's so familiar. it really reminds me to not be so depressed and hopeless this winter, reminding me how wonderful life can be. because maybe, this winter, "i'll remember".

---internet yamero - needy girl overdose, kotoko, aiobahn

i tried to listen to this song before (because the vibes are immaculate), however i did not like the parts before the "chorus". well... i gave it another try because the chorus is just too good. the parts before the chorus i recently found to be so cool as well. the deliriousness kind of brings a smile to my face... it really is a song that encapsulates the internet well.

---spoiled princess - fujiwo

yeah i already wrote a post about this so i won't say much. what a nice song in a specific trope i really like. emunene cover is also splendid.

---animal - deco27

why am i still listening to this i swear it's been months. i first listened to the amane cover (which i honestly... like better. the instrumental is different and the timbre of her voice is really nice) but i recently started listening to the og vocaloid one too. one of the few deco27 songs i like... i guess the onomatopoeias are very catchy... as well at the 8-8-7#-8! that it does. a lot

---gehenna - wotaku

very recent addition, but it's very memorable. it vaguely sounds like happy halloween??? the instrumental/verses have such a different feeling compared to the chorus... but what a wonderful song in terms of its lyrics. "'i want to stay alive'/ i don't know why/ but 'i want to stay alive'" as well as "'i want to stay alive'/ 'I don't want to stay alive'/ it's so unfortunate/but we have to live"... and the whole last stanza on "deceiving" and "couldn't tell you". i love how it also says "and this is so sad". what wonderful wording. because no matter what, we just have to keep living. one thing that's throwing me off is the vague rapping in the background...? what is going on in the instrumental. also wtf mr. shanti guy made this. such a different style.

---phantasm suite - hoyomix "the golden midsummer"

okay. hear me out. it's a really really good instrumental piece okay... and the spoken word really makes it even better. "often times, i could not even see right in front of me/we will meet again, no matter how far along down the road", "to you from the past, i hope you liked this song", "please, be proud of all that is unreal... for we are greater than this world", "it has never voiced a complaint, for that is its destiny"... it reminds me of summer when i played this event.

---those eggs aren't dippy - jack stauber

the first 10 seconds are so fucking good????? especially the "let me in your eaaarrrr" i even made it my alarm! it's perfect because it's so short. unfortunately it's not doing a great job of waking me up. it's too catchy.

---love ka - hiiragi kirai

even though i personally did not listen to this song a lot this month, i recommended this song (via musescore) to a friend, and they really loved it so that's pretty notable. getting everyone hooked on vocaloid. seriously that musescore cover is so good. they adapted special quirks love ka does in its instrumental/vocals for piano, but not in the exact same way. they made a piano arrangement, not transcription. like tremolo for piano instead of vibrato???? gives it such a nice touch!!!

[pricechecktranslations]

1/2 Hi Price, I want to know your opinions about several songs translations. First, "I'm sorry I'm sorry" (if you don't know that song, please be careful 'cause that song can be extremely triggering to a person with traumas). Then, there is "sweet devil" (i think the only good translation of that song is the one Danytaly made. Also, if Danytaly see that message: I just love your PVs, you are like an Evillious master to me ! So please know that there are people who love you in the Evillious wiki)

2/2 Anyway, there's also "Hurting for a very hurtful pain", i don't know if there is a translation you deem good. Then, there's "ERROR" of cillia, which kyaami made a cover with Namine Ritsu. After, there's Nonsensical noise (talks about suicide and self-harm, be careful). I guess that's all, i'm sorry for disturbing you, also, please know that you are, like, an Evillious god and a role model to me! I wish i could understand japanese like you do ! I love what you do ! Thanks for everything !

Well, I can't check the accuracy of every song translation out there, but if you want me to just point you to one or two good ones--

I'm Sorry I'm Sorry: The lyrics do squick me out pretty heavily, so I'm unwilling to examine any translation of it too closely, but "momocashew" on Youtube has a decent one out there (I'd make one or two wording changes but that's me).

sweet devil: Well, Danytaly is not a translator--I actually vaguely recall him consulting me on that one to verify that translation's accuracy before making the video, so, yes, that translation is decent (I don't remember where it's from though). The VOCALOID Lyrics wiki also has Hazuki no Yume's translation on the song's page, and I know them to have been a translator of high quality as well. There are some minor differences in the lyrics that I can see, but without translating the song myself I'm not sure which I'd say is more accurate. Both seem fine.

Hurting for a very hurtful pain: Hm, there's a translation by vgperson, who is pretty reliable for the most part, but on looking at their lyrics I feel they took some liberties with the translation that I wouldn't (and maybe I'm just too literal myself but still). I find the song a little bit confusing, so I'm not sure I'm the best judge of the translation.

ERROR: I've found the translation by Electric Raichu to be of decent quality. There's again, a couple of things I personally might change--but the problem is that I struggle with context clues when it comes to vague song lyrics, so I can't guarantee my take would be better.

Nonsensical Noise: I actually almost translated this myself shortly after it came out. I even wanted to translate "nonsense" as "bullshit", though that's probably a bit too crass. The translation on the video is not great (it was even worse when first uploaded, if memory serves). However, the one currently on the VOCALOID lyrics wiki (by Summer's End, checked by Forgetfulsubs) is good. I think it can be confusingly worded out of a desire to maintain the line structure of the lyrics, but again that's just me.

[whitherliliesbloom]

fate matrix

[ ffxivwrite2021 ] ★ [ masterlist ] ★ [ prompt #05 (free) - fate ]

[ alphinaud/wol & cameos and mentions of some friend ocs, you’re gonna have to read to find out who :) ] ★ [ 5,241 words (oof) ]  ★ [ fate matrix au ]

fate: be destined to happen, turn out, or act in a particular way

in a world where the hands of destiny are ones and zeros, at the center of the matrix was a little goddess who would soon find out that she too, isn’t immune to the pull of fate

Day ???? | 07:07am | Day of Destined Meetings

An alarm rings, beeping in an increasingly loud volume as the monitors begin booting up. As light from the screens flood the room, the sound of cotton ruffling can be heard, followed by a soft little yawn.

The girl stirs, clutching at her duvet for warmth before her eyelids flutter open. Bright violet eyes stare up at the ceiling, where the patches of glow up star stickers have lost their radiance in the midst of the fluorescent bulb lighting up. Blinded momentarily, she grimaces, before rolling onto her side and sitting up.

“Good morning, alpha.” A melodic voice chirps out merrily from her parted lips, and she raises a hand to pet the head of the stuffed chocobo that she had been laying beside. “It’s time for work again, huh?”

Stretching her arms high above her head with a final, long yawn, the girl shuffles over to the minibar that was tucked under the table, pulling the door open before grabbing a small tub of yoghurt and peeling it open to peer inside curiously.

Oh, it’s strawberry today, how wonderful! Whoever or whatever magical force is behind stocking up the minibar seems to be in her favor this morning.

Grateful now for her breakfast, the girl slides over to the front of the bed, and places her hand on the mouse after taking a spoonful of the yoghurt into her mouth.

System booting... Please enter password. >illyaskawi03112 Log in successful. Fatematrix.exe starting. Welcome, Alice. 

The monitors that surround her begin loading up window tabs after window tabs - and at the center on her main monitor, a sizeable grid of glowing icons pop up, along with a smaller, more discreet window showing a map tucked away at the corner of the screen.

Visual stimuli overload aside, the girl seemed to be completely unphased as she bites into yet another scoopful of yoghurt before setting the tub next to her white keyboard, as if this were a scene she’s had to see countless times now. 

It’s a routine, a well rehearsed routine that the girl effortlessly goes through the motions of daily. The fate matrix is ever in need of use and she, the center of it all, was more than happy to take control. 

That is, after all, the will of her late mother... the previous Alice and goddess of the fate matrix. It is simply her duty to carry on in her legacy. And as per her duty, she begins to spin the wheel of fate, clicking on the very first icon that boots up the fate matrix’s tool assistant. A bright blue pop up appears that the girl drags to the side, and text begins to appear.

Good morning, Alice. Today is a day of destined meetings. I would suggest working on getting soul mates together for the day.

Internally, Illya is delighted. Soul mates were one of her favorite types of work to focus on... and though they were rarely ever more urgent than other types of assignments like accident prevention, weather management or economic balance, it was one that often brought her a great amount of joy. 

After all, what was sweeter than nudging two souls who were meant for each other closer? It was the very concept of soul mates, and the tales of the red thread of fate after all, that drew her mother into the concept of fate and caused her to develop the fate matrix.

A soft smile graces her features, and she moves her cursor to click on the second icon, which loads for a second before breaking apart into smaller, glowing dots that scatter across the map - with two dots that indicated soul mates being linked by a dotted line. 

Time to get to work!

01:46pm

When Illya clicked on the glowing two red dots upon the map, she hadn’t expected to be shown live footage of the two targets in the very same room. 

It’s not uncommon for soul mates to have already met each other, or even be familiar with one another already despite not having made their feelings for each other known yet... but they were cases that were, in Illya’s experience, a little more difficult to work on. 

It was easy to nudge two strangers in the same direction or plant small, innocuous thoughts that would help draw two acquaintances into wanting to spend more time with their soul mate. It was far more difficult to convince stubborn people who have, despite many fateful circumstances, refused to confess their feelings to the object of their confession. 

After all, the fate matrix was capable of many things - but controlling or taking over the will of people was not one of them. 

Illya has convinced two stubborn souls to finally open up in the past though, she was certain she could do so again - she did so with the likes of the two childhood friends, Moth’ir and Thancred... a case which she would never in a million years soon forget... or the infuriatingly obstinate refusal of a pink haired miqo’te girl to confess to her close friend and personal trainer, Haurchefant Greystone... who had been more than obvious with his flirtations for years. 

Alice, you have yet to eat your lunch. A quick break is highly suggested. 

The tool assistant sends a reminder through a text in it’s window, which Illya is swift to ignore. She can eat once she’s done with this case. 

She watched through the monitor as the pair sat on the couch, a girl with straight cut bangs and piercing red eyes lounging lazily with her back propped against the arm rest and her legs laid over her taller, lankier male friend, who seemed to be frustrated at the girl’s refusal to pay him any attention.

“Why invite me over if you’re just going to play your game?” 

“Hmph! Says the guy who invited me over to his place only to kick me out halfway through because some of his friends were going to pay him a surprise visit!”

The man lets out a hefty sigh.

“I already apologized for that. And that was over a week ago. Are you seriously still-”

“Yes, yes I am!” Without even looking up from her smartphone, the girl lets out a dramatic huff while admonishing her friend. “I don’t get why you’re so adamant about me not meeting your friends. Why, are you scared they’ll misunderstand and think I’m your girlfriend?”

“That’s- That’s not-”

From the heartrate monitor, Illya can tell that was only part of the reason for his behavior. The true reason, and an explanation that the girl understood full well why he would refuse to tell his friend was written in text in a separate window next to his heartrate monitor. 

The girl, Totomi Tomi, or better known by her stage name as Mint, was something of a minor celebrity on the internet. Known for her jovial personality and the many covers of vocaloid songs she posted on her well known eorzeatube page, it wouldn’t be a stretch to call her an idol - even if she wasn’t officially acknowledged or employed as one by some idol management company. Her friend, Estinien, and the object of her very strong feelings towards, had friends who were apparently fans of hers. 

It was for that very reason that, for her protection and to spare her the oogling of strangers, that he’d kept his friendship with the young idol a secret from others. 

In his eyes, perhaps dating her would be the quickest way to convince his friends to back off... but that would only come after they’d confessed their feelings - which they haven’t. 

“That’s not important.” Estinien finally retorts after stumbling after his words for a moment, and Illya has to resist the urge to slam her head against the keyboard.

“Ohhhh... Kay.” Mint rolls her eyes, Illya mirrors the action. 

What Illya doesn’t anticipate however, is Estinien’s next words, for as bold and uncharacteristic for an emotionally closed off man such as him.

“Why? Are you disappointed? You almost sound like you want to be known as my girlfriend.” 

Mint chokes on her spit, sputtering and gurgling out incomprehensible words until she recovers - but only barely... and now with a dark red blush plastered over her freckled cheeks.

“I-In your dreams, maybe!” Her blatant lie is apparent to all but... the ones who are present in the room. “Besides, I already have someone I like!” 

“Oh?” Illya can hear the sheer contempt from her headphones, and she grimaces at the man’s deep frown. “Do tell, who is it?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, dunderhead!”

“Tell me. I’m curious.” 

“Nope nope nope nope nope noppetty nope! Why’d you think I would ever tell you, huh??”

Mint sticks her tongue out at the man, who scowls deeper and nudges the woman’s legs off of his lap.

“Fine. How about a bet then.”

“What bet?”

The man points to the phone she has in her hands.

“Since you’re so fond of your gacha games, and you’re always bragging about how good your luck is, why don’t we make a bet using your game?” 

Snatching the phone out of Mint’s hand despite her protests, Estinien taps on the settings button before clicking on the gacha button, the screen switching to the current limited rate up banner of a popular event character.

“If you get a character of the highest rarity within 50 draws, you have to tell me who your crush is.”

“W-why would I even agree to that?? I’ve been saving my primos for Xi-Ao you know?!” 

“I’ll pay for your pulls. It’s a win-win for you that way, no? You get free pulls from the game, I get to know who your crush is if you get a shiny new character.”

Mint pulls back, hesitant and suspicion clear in her eyes, but still enough to hint at consideration.

“And what’s in it for me? What if I do pull a 5 star character?”

After much consideration, Estinien responds once more.

“I’ll let you whale for whatever character you want next on my credit card. And I’ll cosplay with you at the next convention.”

At the condition of his loss set, Mint’s face lights up with pure elation, as she snatches her phone back from her friend with a cheeky grin on her face.

“Deal! You’re so going to lose, long bean! My luck in Genshin Impact’s second to none! I can’t wait to make you cosplay sailor moon!!”

An equally devious smile spreads across the face of Alice, whose hands are swift to pull up another window tab reserved specifically for video game and gambling luck. 

She has always admittedly been favorable and gracious in giving out good draws to people who deserve it - the program she has running in the background is testament to that... And she has no doubt in her mind that the fate matrix has been generous in it’s givings to Mint, if her boastings are anything to go by. 

Mint must thusly, be a good person.... and she deserves a fate more fulfilling than virtual characters on a screen.

The girl must truly feel confident in herself, as she hits the draw x10 button without a single hesitation. 

Illya begins typing the code into the new window, and sympathy wells in her heart as she hears Mint huff in minor disappointment.

“Only one 4 star? Eh, it’s just a fluke, I have 40 more pulls and I’m close to soft pity too!”

“Good luck.” Estinien chuckles mockingly, and Mint lets out a growl before pressing on the draw x10 button again.

Nothing. The third ten pull is no better - with nothing but a single 4 star weapon to show for her efforts. Mint is evidently getting more nervous as her finger shakes, pressing down on the button that will decide her fate for the fourth time.

She was so certain she’d get a 5 star by now - she normally gets what she wants within the first thirsty pulls, and it’s a normal occurrence to even pull multiple 5 stars within the same roll... So... why?

Her 40th pull ends with two 4 star characters, a sight better than the ones before... a sign of Illya’s pity on her... but still not a condition for her win.

“Oh, someone’s getting nervous.” Estinien smirks, “You’re on your last pull away from telling me who you have a crush on.”

“H-hah! That’s where you’re wrong!” Mint exclaims, jabbing a finger at him. “The chances of getting a 5 star increases with each pull, so i’m almost a hundred percent certain I’ll get one this time!”

Mint’s heartrate monitor is going off the charts, and Illya has to intervene by lowering her vitals enough so she wouldn’t pass out from sheer nervousness. It does little to hide it from Estinien, however, who could only relish every second of Mint’s rapidly darkening blush as she finally taps on the draw x10 button one final time.

The shooting star across the screen flickers, before bursting into a shade of pink that has Mint leaning back with mouth agape, a mixture of sheer shock and terror on her expression. 

Hopelessness is all she feels as she taps, taps and taps, and the roll summary page shows naught but a single Benny - the unluckiest character in the game, grinning widely at her.

“Well, well, well. Looks like I won.” Estinien sounds way too casual and smug, unaware of the monumentally immense amount of bad fortune that had just befallen his friends. “As per our deal, you’re going to have to tell me who your crush is.”

Illya feels sorry for her meddling, and she makes a mental note to herself to bless Mint’s future rolls with as many of the highest rarity characters she could possibly afford to give without breaking the laws of probability too much... but when Mint finally breaks out of her stutter and sets her phone down on her lap, hands grasping so tightly at the hem of her skirt that her knuckles turned white, the girl knew that she’d dealt the woman a hand far kinder than if she had not.

“I-It’s...... It’s you, okay?”

07:32pm

Alice it is time for dinner. The curry will get cold if you leave it out for too long.

Illya’s tendency to ignore the tool assistant in regards to her own wellbeing was concerning, but not an anomaly. In fact, it was far more rare for the text in the pop up to be spared more than a single second’s glance from her. 

Whether it was reminders for her to eat, for her to sleep early, to hydrate or to stretch after hours hunched over her keyboard in front of glaringly bright monitors for a good whole of her day, the tool assistant’s well meaning messages would always go ignored.

It’s a natural part of it’s program, Illya tells herself, as she filters through lists of finished cases before moving on to pending ones. Much like the fate matrix, that ran on a code that was, in admittance, far more complex than even she could fully comprehend... the tool assistant ran on code. It was an artificial intelligence her mother had created during her last few months of life, something that, according to the note left in the hard drive of the fate matrix, would help Illya better slip into her role as adjudicator of fate. 

She’d remembered when she first awoke in this room and on the bed, not having any recollection of how she’d even arrived in the first place. The momentary panic and confusion had been replaced with a sense of obligation... of duty and honor when she booted up the computer for the first time to be greeted with the words from the tool assistant - as well as a lengthy message from her late mother.

We who do not belong to the realm of mortals... we who possess the blood of fate. We bear the burden of watching over the world and making sure that it is a safer, happier, better place for everyone. Only you alone can take possession of the fate matrix in my stead, and I pray you’ll forgive me for not being able to say goodbye to you in person.

Family meant the world to Illya, it has ever been that way. She spent a good amount of her childhood in the company of her parents, with little understanding of the world beneath. She had no concept of the idea of fate, of how destiny was dealt... only that her mother had a significant role to play, and that her time with her family was soon to be cut short by a crippling, unkind illness that not even the fate matrix could undo. 

Illya’s never tried stepping out of her room before. She has always assumed that it exists in some kind of void or overworld that overlooked the mortal realm. It mattered not, really... The only thing important was that mother had left this place behind, and wanted her only daughter to inherit her role as Alice.

It was with that responsibility in mind that drove Illya to stay seated in front of the monitors for as long as she has. 

Time is no longer being a concept, the rising and falling of the sun no longer visible to her eyes aside from a arbitrary number on the clock that served more as a timer for how long she has left to work until exhaustion would consume her. 

Do you not wonder what it’s like to have friends, Alice?

Recently, however the tool assistant has been sending her more and more pointless questions... questions that went far beyond the daily self-maintenance reminders that she could understand her mother programming in for her wellbeing, questions aimed to be poignant and was targeted to making her feel more isolated and alone than it did help. It was bordering on annoyance.

You could leave this room any time you wanted.

And why would she do that? She murmured to herself as she typed in code to program a heavy storm, forcing a raven haired lalafellin man to offer his umbrella to his soul mate who had been stranded under a lone busstop - a pink haired woman with olive green eyes who seemed utterly smitten with him upon first sight.

Her purpose was here, to take control of the fate matrix, to grant happy memories, to save lives, to fulfill wishes and dreams. There can be no greater and heavier responsibility to bear in the world. 

Truthfully, the reason why Illya stayed at first had solely because of her mother’s wishes... But now, it was more than that. 

Because the idea of separating herself from the fate matrix... and not being able to grant the kindness of fate that so many people in the world deserved... it was a pain that was worth her own sense of self. 

Are you not lonely? Do you not want someone to love you?

Why did it matter if she was lonely? The envy and curiosity she feels upon watching a group of friends hanging out together is nothing in comparison to the pain mortals felt from a love unrequited, or a loved one losing their life. 

She taps furiously on a historian with bright red hair and eyes, forcing him to get a wardrobe malfunction that would push him to visit a tailor where an impish lalafellin fashion designer with snow white freckles awaited him with choice words of ridicule. She tips over a telephone pole that causes two surf shop co-owners who were on a road trip to park by the roadside so that they may witness a falling star, wishes made leading to their confession. She painstakingly guides a woman with silver hair and golden yellow eyes towards a drycleaner, where she initiates easy banter with a man who she later finds out was her old schoolmate.

Juno and Ysayle, Bianca and Varis, Niqesse and Zenos, Nowi and June. She remembers the soul mates she pushes together by name, and treasures the happiness they are sure to feel from their memories as if they were her own.

Detached from their world she may be, it is through the fate matrix that she can experience a sliver of their joy and love... even if it is for a fleeting moment before she must move on to the next. 

11:17pm

One more assignment, she tells herself, eyes bloodshot and fingers sore from typing. One more case and she’ll eat before going to bed. She has done much for the day as it is... but she cannot rest until she’s closed one particular case that has her vexed for the entire day.

A pair of glowing purple dots that has been plastered on the map since morning has her thoroughly vexed... because for some reason or another, she cannot seem to gather information on one half of the pair. 

She’s able to view the other half just fine - a dashing young man who seemed to be a senior in university despite his age, having skipped two grades due to his academic prowess. He is incredibly gifted, possessing not only of superior intellect but also an artistic hand and charismatic demeanor that makes him quite popular at his school.

But no matter how much she clicked on the other purple dot, or made futile attempts to manually search for data on his other half, nothing would show up. No windows, no tabs... What was even more perplexing was that the dot hadn’t moved on the map at all. 

Illya had paid especially close attention to the purple dots ever since she’d found this anomaly in the fate matrix... she was certain she would have noted movement if there had been any at all. 

But whereas the icon of the boy had understandably been moving throughout the city of Sharlayan, the icon of his mysterious other half hadn’t, laying stagnant on a singular point of the map in the middle of what appeared to be an old apartment complex.

It was as if his soul mate just... didn’t exist at all. 

The boy didn’t have any romantic feelings for anyone, nor did it seem like there was anyone at his school that would have an attachment to him that extended beyond admiration or a short-term attraction, which she’s long learned to tell apart from genuine love. If the tool assistant had a text saying that her target simply did not have a soul mate at all, she’d have been inclined to believe it.

But the other purple dot that connected to his does not lie. If he didn’t have a soul mate, his icon wouldn’t be connected to the other. Her tool assistant wouldn’t have told her, very deliberately she may add, that he did in fact have a soul mate and that it was imperative for her to unite them.

But how was she to make two people meet when she could not even tell who the other was? It was the first time Illya’s wondered if there was even any point to her efforts. 

Desperate times call for desperate measures, then. It may be unnatural for a piece of note to fall from the sky, but it was perhaps her final chance to get the boy to meet his soul mate before the opportunity would be lost forever.

Assignments from her pending window are known to disappear all of a sudden, and soul mates who were attached and at their prime for a fated meeting for the moment often times disappear from the map entirely... a tragedy as a result to the slipping of time that the fate matrix cannot rectify... and she’d be damned if she let it happen to this case just because of a simple glitch. 

The boy, Alphinaud Leveilleur, star student of the nation’s most prestigious academy, had been walking home from his late night seminars. His position was unnervingly close to where his soul mate is, and since she could not think of any way she could naturally nudge him in the direction of the apartment complex, she writes a note posing as his soul mate and drops it from the sky.

“W-what in the twelve?”

The boy catches it in mid-air, looking at the haphazardly scribbled words on the paper. 

PLEASE HELP ME. I’M BEING HELD AGAINST MY WILL. I’M BEING TRAPPED AT _______________

She made the handwriting disorderly intentionally... just to sell the idea of a person being trapped better, of course. She’d even slathered on a small smudge of blood on the corner of the note to make it more convincing... and it seemed to have done the trick as the boy widens his navy blue eyes in alarm, head turned up in the direction of the apartment complex he stood next to.

Illya can tell he has his doubts, and she doesn’t blame him... It’s suspicious enough that the call for help would just so conveniently fall towards him as he was walking past... but he’s never known any criminal activity to have taken place in that apartment complex - Sharlayan is relatively safe compared to it’s neighbor, Mor Dhona. 

A few simple thoughts however, might just do the trick into getting him to spring into action. 

Injecting into his mind, Illya types out frantically into the text box for thought processing. 

What if this is real? What if there really is someone in need of rescuing and I just walked by without helping them? What if they appeared on the news tomorrow? I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. What if... what if this note really is fate?

She’s preying on his upright and morally upstanding character, she knows that... and it never feels good to take advantage of a objectively good person’s kindness... But her determination to grant him lifelong happiness wins as she watches through the live feed the as the boy clutches onto the note close to his chest and begins to run into the carpark of the apartment complex before heading inside.

Zooming into the map, she sees that her target is taking the lift up to the highest floor, his heartrate skyrocketing at an alarming pace as she panics for a moment and has to manually adjust it back down. He’s nervous... and she must admit that she is too.

When he leaves the lift, his footsteps are unsteady and hesitant... But a few more encouraging thoughts was enough to get him to push forward until he’s standing in front of a door - the only door on the last floor of the complex, as it would happen.

Illya tries to look into the room, but the window that pops up is but a single black screen that has her sighing. No matter. The fact that there even was a window in the first place is progress. 

She’s gotten this far into leading him here... all he has to do is open the door where his other half is sure to be on the other side.

The boy tries to twist open the door knob, the metal rattlingly noisily in Illya’s headphones. But it doesn’t budge or give way. 

Figures that it’d be locked. How is she supposed to lead him inside? She can’t ring the doorbell because, for as odd as it is, there is none... and she cannot pull up any information on his soul mate, let alone inject into thoughts into their head to open the door. It’s far too suspicious to drop the key to the door right in front of him. 

With each second that passes, it seemed like the boy was letting his doubts begin to sway his decision to stay more and more... and Illya’s heart drops into the pit of her stomach when she sees the boy begin to step away from the door and reaching into his bag for his phone, a thought bubble popping up above him.

I should call the police, instead...

“No! You mustn’t!” Illya yells out by instinct.

“Huh???” the boy’s eyes widen once more, and to Illya’s utter confusion, he bolts forward and is now banging his fist against the door. “Hello?! Are you okay?! If you’re in there and you need help, please say something again!”

He must’ve heard a voice.... Illya mused, eyes glistening with intrigue... her voice. Did her mic turn on by accident? Or perhaps she’d projected her voice onto the door out of instinct. She wouldn’t be surprised if she did... but the most important thing is that it worked, and it got the boy to stay. 

“Y-yes! I’m... I’m in here!” Illya responds, intentionally letting out sobs into her microphone this time, “p-please help me... I-I’m really hurt and I don’t know when they’ll get back!” 

Alphinaud’s heartrate is beating faster than it’s ever had before... and Illya makes no attempts to lower it as she watches the boy grit his teeth and set his bookbag down.

“A-alright! Stand back! I’ll try to knock the door down!” 

Good thinking, Illya hums to herself in silence. The door seems old and rickety on its own... unless his soul mate has very deliberately barricaded the inside, there shouldn’t be any reason why he’d not be able to knock it down.

The boy begins to slam his torso into the door, pulling himself back before once more rushing into the door, and the sound of banging fills Illya’s headphones. It’s oddly loud and deafening... but she makes no attempts to lower her volume as she grips the edge of her keyboard in anticipation.

“Don’t worry miss! Just a bit more! I’ll get you out, I promise!” 

His sincerity touches her... and though it is wholly unnecessary, Illya is moved to speak into the mic once more... and her words causes a surge of renewed energy to flow through him.

“Yes! I believe in you! I’m waiting!”

Illya has never known what the outside of her room looked like... nor the time or space that occupied it. It was never necessary, she’d convinced herself... She was simply content with watching the outside world through the lens of the fate matrix while playing the ultimate puppet master.

She has never smelled the outside air, never seen the light of the sun, never once touched the hands of another... not since she arrived here.

When the door to her room clattered noisily onto the ground, so loudly that she could not chalk it up to being a result of the projection in her headphone, the girl spun around... and stared with wide, bewildered and confused eyes at the boy in front of her - clear without the pixels of the screen obscuring him... clear and oh so very real.

Beads of sweat trickling down his brows from exertion... his usually neat fitting uniform disheveled from strain... 

And in his clear blue eyes was the reflection of herself, staring back at her as if they were a window to her future.

“Y-you.... you are....?”

The tool assistant of the fate matrix sends another text, which goes unread and ignored by Alice once again. 

You watch over the fate of others. But even you aren’t immune to the hands of fate.

[cheeryfairygender]

Oh, that's so swag about sharing a b-day with Nagisa! /gen /pos That's neat tbh /gen

In terms of Vocaloid/UTAUloid recommendations, I've currently been listening to Pyrite Girl and What Gave It Away, both songs made by R.I.P. (with Pyrite Girl originally sung by Kagamine Rin, and What Gave It Away originally sung by Otomachi Una) on loop. Oh, and if you ever wanna listen to some good Kasane Teto covers (and I genuinely mean good /gen), look no further than Tanjiro Taidana and their covers. They're an amazing ass UTAUloid song artist/tuner, and while they primarily use Teto, they also occasionally use other UTAUloids and even Vocaloids.

Yeah, buffalo wings can be spicy, heh. In terms of wings or the sauce of whatever food item, there's usually a mild option, a medium option, a hot option, and so forth (sometimes). Depending on that, they can be spicy. However, I have a tolerance with spicy food, as well as a huge love for spicy food, so I'm a bit bias in terms of if a certain food is spicy or not /lh However, I completely respect you not tending to not like spicy food! /gen /nm I get that it's not everyone's cup of tea.

Yeah, I can definitely understand your opinion on the artstyle. Looking at the examples you provided, it honestly makes complete sense /gen (not /s). And considering I've completed DRV3, yeah, it's kind of unique compared to the other two [main] games /neu

Oh, and as for the air fryer thing you mentioned in the tags, you can usually figure out how to use it+how to airfry certain things by looking it up! Just type in Google if you can airfry XYZ food, and it'll usually give the suggested temperature and time. I'm sure you can airfry sweet potato fries, as you can airfry regular French fries (whether they're frozen or from a fast food place)! /gen /nf I feel that sounds dumb and easier said than done, but if it makes you feel better, I didn't know how to use it at first for quite awhile /gen /lh (not /s)

Oh oh, and don't worry about not adding reply icons! It's all good /lh /gen /nm

TBH I want to like spicy food but it's a sensory issue for me because I can't tolerate the pain very well, and I don't like a lot of flavors of the actual food that has spice. But oddly enough, I like Japanese style curry. It's super good. Apparently as a little kid I liked spicy food though which makes it super weird I grew out of it. I really like sour food, though! I think the issue is that spice stays in your mouth even after eating, but sour goes away super fast (unless you injure your mouth/tongue from too much/too strong sour food).

I just generally don't like things with strong flavors...like, I don't even like how black pepper tastes. I tend to eat...bread. And sweet baked products. I usually just eat a lot of samefoods but my sister is an incredible cook so I eat whatever she makes when she cooks! Otherwise I just kinda graze on snacks.

Also I listened to the music and it's super interesting /positive, I like finding smaller vocal synth artists! Also yes yes I've heard Tanjiro before and he's GREAT at utauloid tuning. I feel like utauloids are often tuned better than vocaloids nowadays because you have to put in more effort to get them to sound good and it's easier to just put less work in for vocaloid.

Airfryers are just super intimidating IG I think we got ours for free from someone who didn't need it??

Also to make it clear I don't like...dislike v3? It's a cool game, it just doesn't satisfy the itch the first two games give me, which honestly makes sense. The original Danganronpa series ended on purpose--they reached a good end for it. V3 is kinda like a new beginning so you can't go into it wanting what the original series had. I feel like the graphics/art style for Danganronpa didn't age well with time. For the original games, it made a lot more sense considering when they came out and the consoles they were released on, but that kinda sloppy, eccentric style doesn't transfer well when there's a higher production value like v3 has I think.

I think the WEIRDEST thing is how...much worse the games got in terms of jokes/content. Like, the things about incest and any homophobia got way worse. Kaito says slurs against gay men/trans women in the Japanese version more than once, I think.

In SDR2, most characters are implied to be bi and wlw or mlm. There's less in DRTHH, but they're still there. The original games write queer characters subtly but in a very good way. You still have this subtle writing for v3 but they completely upped the explicit jokes to the point it isn't silly or funny...just uncomfortable. (Mikan, Teruteru, Kazuichi, Nagito, Hajime, Imposter, and Nekomaru are all implied to be queer off the top of my head. Makoto, Mondo, Taka, Chihiro, Hifumi, Mukuro, Junko, and Leon are all implied to be queer iirc as well.) Like with Leon in DRTHH, his cousin has romantic feelings for him, but he makes it SUPER clear he hates it and it makes him super uncomfortable. But then I think v3 just has straight up incest with the monokubs? I'm not sure if the other characters reacted uncomfortably to it or not, though. But just...the way the characters talk/the jokes they make totally changed. It's super odd to me. It really takes me out of it and it

I guess my main issue is the shift in how the characters act, less context for the behavior of the characters (like, DRTHH extends into SDR2, and vice versa. Each game lends into each other), transferal/execution of the Danganronpa style, as well as the user interface. The user interface is super busy and confusing for me.

Also, the characters are intense like usual but in a super weird way. Like...negatively? In DRTHH, they were all extreme in a way normal teens could be. Instead, they feel like...superheroes. Like, their whole talents are pushed too hard. In SDR2, they were still extreme but in an, again, rather normal way.

I just seriously love the characters though. I think it's a good game, but you can't play it and expect an experience like the original series. You can only really play it and do your best to not compare it at all.

[aerial-aspie]

An Autistic Point of View 21 (Summer Camp Edition)

Hi there it's Hazel! I'm finally back after a bit of a too long break because I've been struggling to find things to write about (which is also called being too lazy too) but I actually have something to talk about today! Yay!

So if you haven't seen on some of my earlier posts, I am a youth summer camp leader and 3 weeks ago I led for my first time and this is how it went.

Coming from a northern city in England, it was already difficult because everyone else was from London and were all talking gossip about people at school and would leave me out of everything, telling me I didn't want to know. I felt left out and isolated because I couldn't join in conversations as much because I didn't know who anyone was. This went on for the full four days of pre-camp preparations and it was quite difficult, another thing that happened was someone used the phrase 'you're not Jewish if you don't know...' and this was about a musical called 13 which was about a Bar Mitzvah. I'd never heard of it because I mostly know things that people tell me about or that I've seen come on tour and I wasn't sure how to respond because I didn't know it.

We also had multiple clashes in interests because the interests of all the girls (who I clashed with more) were more mainstream such as watching love island (I hate that show with a passion, it's disgusting), being die hard mamma mia fans (the songs are annoying and the film is awful in my opinion) and this is about everyone, they love pop music (again, I hate pop music and would much rather listen to vocaloid, jpop, electro swing, heavy metal and whatever is on my weird playlist). So because of this we clashed quite badly, especially over our opinions on love island because I'm so opinionated on how much I hate that show and they love it we got into a somewhat argument, so I left the building and went back to my dorm because it was the evening when we could do basically what we wanted.

Now I've gotten that off my chest, I need to say that I loved the group of people I was leading with. Yes we didn't get along interests wise and north, south divide didn't help but they were lovely to lead with and some of them I've come out with friends for life (well if we can keep in contact).

When the kids came it was so daunting, but luckily my friend Ash (who is leading with me) was on the coach with them because they had just had covid and had to isolate before coming, but they were fine.

I can't really remember fully what went on every day but I can tell you that the first meal time was horrible. I had this one kid on my table who begged me for the full half an hour about what we were doing next and I couldn't tell him at all and was panicking about what to say. I grabbed one of the senior leaders and was like "help, I don't know what to do" and he gave me some tips but even then, the kid wouldn't get off my back. He started being like "I hate it when people keep secrets from me, my mum once kept a secret from me and it was so horrible so tell me what we're doing please" (this is not exactly word for word what he said but he did bring his mum into it).

However, dinner was luckily over and I thought I was done with him but whilst we were blocking the entrance to one of the buildings whilst the activity was being set up, he went at me again and I was really struggling and panicking. Ash, who is one of my closest friends and knows me better than any of the other leaders, quickly spotted I was in a bad position and turned to me and said "Hazel, I think you're needed inside" and instantly got me out of that stressful situation. I thanked them for it later because it really saved me from a panic attack.

I only had one major panic attack through the entirety of camp, which is the best I've ever come out of one before. The one I had was because we were running early and had to think of something to do. I was suddenly told in front of all the kids with no prior warning that I was leading an invisible circus session and I found and excuse to leave the room and then I panicked. From there on out, the people running the camp knew they had to pre warn me about anything that was causing major changes and I would have to do things on the spot (even though I already told them that when we talked about my needs on a call prior to camp).

Last extremely negative moment when leading, then I'll get onto the positive sides. The kids were so hard work and one day they had 4 discipline talks and it did nothing. We were getting so annoyed and upset that Tammy had to do a full powerful speech about how upset we all were and I could see she was struggling too. Because of this, she wasn't in the next session she was leading with me (and I do not and will not blame her for it because she was so upset and needed that break). Luckily, Ethan was there to help me out and helped run the session and keep the moral high up for the kids as I was really struggling. At dinner I basically broke and after went to sit in the welfare room, there was another kid in there from another bubble and so I moved a chair just to put more distance between us and it was stuck to a phone lead and the phone clattered to the floor. This kid was very noise sensitive and was so frightened, I apologised so much to them before they got taken out and that was enough to set the tears off. There were leaders from the other camp there who knew me and comforted me (socially distant) because they understood I was having a terrible day.

I was then kicked out the welfare room because kids from the other camp were eating in there and this was for safeguarding reasons and so I got sent to one place to wait for the welfare officer but she was already there with someone else. I was basically a stranded autistic person, mid meltdown, not knowing where to go.

I did get rescued by another set of leaders who make our resources and they sat and talked to me whilst I cried it out. I really wanted to go home then, I hated it so much that day and soon the welfare officer came and I talked it out to her before ringing my parents and telling them about it.

I didn't go home in the end and made it all the way through.

Now for the good moments.

Meetings in the evenings were the funniest moments ever, where we talked about about our day and told funny stories and they never failed to make me laugh and always made my day, plus they were always followed by snacks!

We led some amazing activities where the kids got so into them and joined in with everything so that we all had a blast in the end. Site activities were so fun and I got to do high ropes, crate stacking and climbing and I loved it. Me and Ash went as a pair in crate stacking and I fell off at 6 crates, while they got to 13 and it was supposed to be a pairs challenge. But let me say, I screamed the whole way up the crate stacking.

The last night of camp talent show was hilarious. I got to do my poi in it because I was not comfortable doing what everyone else was doing, which was being randomly assigned acts on the go and you had to go up and improvise. But all the improvisation acts by the leaders were so funny, there was; the freedom sandwich song with a singer and someone with a broken finger on recorder, bohemian rhapsody without the vowels, slam poetry about the clavicle and more and it was so funny and such a great night.

The last night of camp in general was great because I pigged out on ice cream and popcorn and got my face painted as a cat. It was great except me 2 hour shift of watching the quiet sleeping area, which was dead boring but then I got to sleep early.

Finally, I did a talk on autism, at first it was just a half an hour chat session where Ash came to sit and listen and also crowd control in case anyone was silly in it. I only had 3 people turn up and another leader ran a football chat session to try and bring more people to mine (how sweet of them) so I ended up with 5 of them, all of them boys.

I thought they would mess around but they were so mature it was amazing! They asked loads of interesting questions about what it was like to be autistic and I answered them all and I loved this talk so much because I was so happy when it ended because it went so well and all the boys said I was now their favourite leader and it made me so happy.

I then ran this talk again in a session which was an hour where you could move between chats freely, whenever you wanted to. Ash was inspired by my autism talk and wanted to do one on being non-binary however, they didn't want to stop people from coming to mine. I turned round and said it doesn't matter about who comes and who doesn't, you should lead it, don't let me hold you back. And they did it! I was so proud of Ash for leading that talk.

I ended up getting all the boys in my talk, whilst Ash got all the girls (which they all apologised to me about not coming but I said it was fine and that they could come and ask questions at any time). All the boys were mature again and I got to happily chat about being autistic and I loved listening to all the questions they asked and anecdotes about people they knew and it went so well again.

Finally, my last highlight was Ash's 'why don't we talk about periods' session which most of the leaders all assisted on because it was so interesting. All the girls were sharing stories, I shared a story and even lots of boys turned up and one was brave enough to ask where the blood goes which I was so proud of him for asking. Whilst the female participants found that question funny, we were making this boy feel good for asking because we thought it was a mature question to come from a 12 year old boy and happily answered it.

To help desensitise people to some of the words we were using, we had everyone yelling period, menstruation, period blood, etc and it was good fun and I loved it.

And that's all about being autistic as a summer camp leader, will I lead again? Probably not. I considered trying again next year but it clashes with the commonwealth games and whilst there were positives from leading, there were lots of negatives too that were off putting and I'd rather go to the commonwealth games.

I hope you enjoyed it and see you next time!

[purple-cat-demon]

  Her Big Bad Wolf

Pairing Gavin x Hazel (pre-marriage but in an established relationship)

Genre: 18+ smut

Word count: 3,007

Warnings: unprotected sex

This is actually the second fic I wrote right after His Tiny Dancer.

*I suck at titling*

This post is very long and I apologize...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Hazel was diligently typing away at her computer. The latest proposal was coming together quite nicely so she decided to take a quick break and rest her eyes. As she stretched her arms, Kiki ran over to her desk excitedly.

“Boss! You got an invite to a photo shoot!”

Hazel turned to her subordinate while sporting a confused look.

“Huh?”

“Yeah! This company saw our Group Fairytale Wedding shoot and they want you and Gavin to participate in their upcoming magazine spread.”

Hazel pondered over the invite for a bit. Tossing the idea back and forth; she finally responded.

"Well, what’s the theme?”

“It didn’t really mention the theme but it did have an email and phone number to contact them. Let me pull up the email.”

Kiki commandeered Hazel’s computer and pulled up the invite in question. Hazel looked it over herself but still remained skeptical.

“I don’t know… and I don’t even know if Gavin would be up for it.”

Just then, Minor piped up.

“Boss, you know he would if you just ask.”

Hazel jumped at Minor’s sudden appearance.

“Minor! Don’t scare me like that!”

Minor just grinned sheepishly.

“Sorry, Boss”

Hazel let out an exasperated sigh at her subordinate.

“I’ll just give this company a call later.”

Later that day, back at her place, Hazel stared at the phone number she typed in. She hesitated a bit before pressing the dial option. After a couple of rings, a male voice answered.

“This is Twisted Dreams Photography, how may I help you?”

“Hello, is this Jacob Cordova?”

“Yes, how can I help you?”

“This is Hazel May from Anaheim Electronics Company. I’m calling in regards to the photoshoot invite.”

“Ah yes! Thank you so much for calling back. I saw your promo shoot and was floored at your chemistry with the groom you were with. Compared to everyone else, you two stood out the most to me. Do you think you can both participate?”

“Well, I’m not sure. I would like to know more about this photoshoot, if you don’t mind sparing some details.”

“Of course. I apologize for not including that in the email. Okay, the theme for the shoot is Twisted Romantic Fairytale. I was hoping that would be our Red Riding Hood and your friend would be the Big Bad Wolf. Nothing explicit or too risqué and you’ll be able to take the outfits home after the shoot. The article itself will be featured in the popular magazine CosPLA and of course, you two will get copies of it before it even hits the shelves. So what do you think? Will you accept?”

“That sounds delightful, but let me talk it over with my friend and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. How soon do you need to know?”

“Can you respond in the next few days?”

“Yes”

“Awesome. Oh, and I’ll need measurements from both of you as well. Your outfits will be tailored to you both. I look forward to hearing from you, Miss May. Have a nice day.”

“Thank you and you too.”

Hazel ended the phone call while sinking back into her couch.

‘Will Gavin even be available? Crap, I didn’t get the date for the shoot’

She proceeded to text Director Cordova.

-I forgot to ask when the photoshoot takes place-

Five minutes passed and Director Cordova responded.

-July 29th-

Hazel paled at the date, Gavin’s birthday. She really hesitated before responding.

-Okay, thank you-

She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. 

‘That’s Gavin’s birthday. Is he really gonna want to do something like this on his birthday???’

She let out a frustrated huff as she scrolled through her phone contacts, finally landing on Gavin’s name. Hazel paused for a bit, then pressed ‘dial.’ Gavin didn’t pick up and it went to voicemail. Though not even two minutes later her phone rang, Gavin’s name was on the screen; she quickly answered.

“Hey Hazel, are you okay?” His question laced with concern.

“Yes, yes. I just had a proposition but I don’t know if you’re up for it.”

“What is it?”

“Well, remember that shoot we did a while back?”

“Yeah”

“Well, another agency saw it, particularly us, and wanted to know if we were interested in being a part of their photoshoot.”

There was silence on the other end, then he responded.

“Hmm.”

Hazel went on.

“The theme is Twisted Romantic Fairytale and you and I would be dressed as the Big Bad Wolf and Red Riding Hood.”

Again, silence, and little longer than the first pause.

“Uh, Gavin? Did I lose you?”

“No, no. I’m still here”

“What do you think? Would you be interested?”

“Hmm, when is it?”

Hazel gave a small squeak.

“Yeah, that’s the issue I have… It’s on your birthday.”

“Oh?”

Hazel got nervous over his answer so she tried to back pedal out of the awkward conversation.

“If you’re not interested, that’s totally fine. I can call up the director and —-“

“I’ll do it”

Hazel blinked and questioned if she heard right.

“Huh?”

“I said, ‘I’ll do it’”

“A-are you sure?”

“Yeah. I had fun at the wedding shoot, this might be fun too.”

“But… your birthday…”

“Look, as long as I’m with you, it doesn’t really matter what we do for my birthday.”

Hazel gave in to her boyfriend.

“If you’re sure then.”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Then I’ll confirm it with the director. I’ll also need your measurements too, when you get a chance. Talk to you later”

“Sure thing, bye”

After she got off the phone with Gavin, Hazel then texted Director Cordova with the official confirmation.

July 29th: Day of the photoshoot.

Gavin was leaning up against Sparky while he waited for Hazel to come out of her apartment building. A few minutes later, she came bounding out, excited to see her boyfriend.

“Hey Birthday Boy!”

She handed him a small gift box.

“What’s this?”

“Open it and find out, silly”

Gavin went ahead and opened the small box and held up the necklace that was inside. It was a simple black leather cord, done up cinch style. The crescent shaped pendant was made of obsidian with a silver outline. Hazel beamed at the birthday boy.

“I saw it and thought that you would like it”

At this point, Gavin hadn’t said anything yet, which made Hazel anxious.

“I-I figured it wasn’t too flashy, a-and it can long or a choker and—-“

A chuckle interrupted her rambling,

“I love it”

She put the necklace on him and admired how it looked against his white shirt.

“You want it to hang down or be a choker?”

“Hang down, please”

Gavin caught her hand and kissed it, causing her to blush a tomato red.

“Thank you, my love”

Hazel flustered but manage to croak out,

“A-anyway, we should get going or we’ll be late!”

Hazel guided Gavin to the facility with some time to spare. As they headed in, they heard commands being barked out. A tall, lanky man clad in blue jeans and a black t-shirt, Jacob Cordova was busy setting up.

“Hey! I need some lighting over here, please!”

A studio helper came by with some fake foliage.

“Sir, where do you want this?”

The director looked up from his tablet and then looked around.

“Uh… Oh! Over here would be good, thank you”

He eventually spied Hazel and Gavin walking on to the set, he lit up immediately.

“Welcome! I’m glad you two were able to make it. I really appreciate it!”

“Pleasure to be here,” Hazel said while extending out her hand. They shook hands, and then the Director instructed them to go to the makeup area and get ready.

Gavin was greeted by a young makeup artist. She was dressed in blue denim capris with a black Muse tank top. Her hair was short, spiked and streaked purple, which brought out her blueish grey color eyes.

“Hello, I’m Trish. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Gavin said as they shook hands. Trish went behind the changing curtain and got his outfit for him: black, ripped jeans, dark blue, ripped t-shirt and black combat boots. She then got a good look at his eyes.

“Oh! Your eye color is perfect! You won’t even need the contacts,” she said, marveling at Gavin’s unique eyes. However, Gavin felt a bit awkward at the friendly scrutiny.

“That’s great…?”

“Oh Yes! The contacts are a real pain to wear. Okay, go get changed. Oh and we’ll keep your jacket as part of the ensemble. I’ll be back to do your makeup”

Meanwhile, in the room next door, Hazel was greeted by a makeup artist from Australia. She was clad in black denim shorts with a blue, baby doll, Vocaloid shirt. Her jet black hair was pulled back in a high ponytail, her green eyes glimmering as she adjusted her glasses when Hazel stepped in.

“G’Day. My name is Nancy. How are you today?” 

“I’m good, maybe a little nervous,” Hazel answered as they shook hands.

“All right then, let’s get your outfit,” Nancy said with a nod. She ducked behind the curtain and came back with the Red Riding Hood costume. It was a different twist on the whole look: red and black plaid dress that stopped just above the knees, a black corset with red lacing, black fishnets, and black wedge heels. The red hood part was about four inches longer than the actual dress and it tied in the front, the sleeves flared out and stopped at the wrists. Hazel was a little apprehensive about the length of the dress but went along with it anyway.

Gavin waited outside in the hall for Hazel. A few minutes passed and she emerged from the changing room. He uttered a barely audible “wow” as she smoothed out her dress. He could feel a slight blush creep up his face as he looked at her. Hazel finally looked up at Gavin and it was then her turn to blush. 

“You look amazing!”

She spied the necklace she gave him earlier around his neck. Gavin blushed even more; he then cleared his throat.

*ahem* “Shall we go,” he asked, holding his arm out to her. Hazel giggled a bit and then grabbed his arm. She noticed all the makeup details on him as they walked over to the set. The first thing she pointed out was that his actual ears were expertly hidden.

“How did they cover your ears?”

“Uh, with some extensions, they’re annoying though.”

She then saw the fangs the more he spoke.

“Oh! You have fangs too!”

Her gaze dropped down to his hands, then marveling at the claws on them. Gavin felt his face get warmer as she examined his hands more closely.

“They did a wonderful job on you,” she said as she reached out to touch the wolf ears on his head. 

Director Cordova hailed them down when he saw them reach the set.

“You two look wonderful! Okay, come with me and we’ll get started.”

The director led them to a small forest scene where they did various generic poses. He seemed pretty satisfied with the shots but he wanted to ramp things up a bit. 

“Okay, for this next shot, could either of you do something unexpected or surprising?”

The two photo subjects looked at each other, unsure on how to respond to this request. Hazel then had an idea. In a bold fit of spontaneity, she grabbed Gavin’s shirt and planted a passionate kiss on his lips. Wide eyed with shock but not making any kind of move to stop, Gavin just stood there as the clicking of the camera shutter rapidly went off. Hazel broke the kiss off to breathe and immediately flushed a bright red over the realization of her action. Gavin’s blush nearly matched hers as he looked away. They both turned toward the excited clapping coming from the director.

“That was perfectly executed! Hey, listen, you two take a break and be back here in about an hour and a half and we’ll finish the last few shots. How’s that sound?”

Somewhat bewildered, the photo subjects both responded with an “okay.” There was an awkward silence between the two as the director and crew walked away. Hazel decided to break the silence.

“I’m really sorry if that was way too bold of me,” she apologized while fidgeting with the hem of her dress.

“It was definitely unexpected,” Gavin’s voice lowered, “though not unwanted.”

Hazel blushed a beet red once again, and then noticed the somewhat weird placement of his jacket. She went to take the jacket off his hands but he denied her that action. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to hold that?”

It was now Gavin’s turn to blush the beet red.

“Uh no, no. That’s gonna stay right where it’s at.”

Hazel gave her man a curious look and then caught on to the meaning behind his refusal. Her eyes went wide with shock.

“Y-you’re…?”

“Yeah, that bold little kiss caused it, thank you very much…” he responded, feigning indignance.

She blinked and looked around, then gestured to lower his head.

“Should we, you know, take care of that?”

He scoffed at the idea.

“Where exactly?”

He gave her a skeptical look but soon saw the gears turning in her eyes; she most definitely had a plan.

“I’ve been to this facility quite a few times so I know there’s a couple of storage rooms down that way,” she pointed towards a hallway. 

“And they’re usually unlocked, follow me.”

They made their way down the corridor, thankfully no one was around. Hazel tried the first door; much to her dismay, it was locked. They moved on to the next door which wasn’t locked. After successfully ducking into the room, Hazel promptly locked the door behind them.

Hazel turned and pounced on Gavin, causing him to stumble backwards into a wall. A flurry of fervent kisses ensued as Gavin turned to pin Hazel against the wall. Since time was dwindling fast, they hastily disrobed their lower halves. He then hoisted her to wrap her legs around him. Hazel snaked her arms around his neck to further close the gap between them. Warm breaths intermingled in the anticipation for what was about to transpire. His hard length slipped in smoothly causing Hazel to bite her lip, stifling a moan that threatened to escape. The fear of potentially getting caught made Gavin’s thrusts quick and intense; he had to bite his own lip to keep quiet as well. The clenching of her walls around his length was a sure sign that she was close. As both of their coils snapped, they locked lips to swallow each other’s moans. Heavy panting still prevailed as they came down from their sexual high. Gavin buried his face into the crook of her neck, trying to steady himself as he pulled out of her. Her legs were like jelly as she tried standing on her own. She looked around the room for something to clean themselves with and found some brand new packages of paper towels. She handed a paper towel to Gavin who was gathering up his pants and shoes. 

“Well, that happened,” she said, giggling.

His hands came up to cup her face and kiss her.

“Happy Birthday to me,” he said into the kiss. They both gazed at each other lovingly, the afterglow still present in their faces.

“There are bathrooms down the hall, let’s get cleaned up better there,” she instructed.

“Right.”

They cleaned up and headed back to the makeup rooms to refresh their looks. Not much had to be done with Gavin’s look but Hazel had some issues. Nancy took one look and was a little worried for Miss Riding Hood. 

“Whoa, is it blazing hot outside,” she inquired, noting Hazel’s messed up eye makeup.

“Yeah, a little bit,” Hazel responded sheepishly.

Ten minutes later, both Gavin and Hazel headed back to the set where Director Cordova was waiting for them. 

“All right, let’s get this last shot and then do some reviewing of the photos.”

The final shutter click signified the end of the photoshoot. The three of them sat in front of the director’s computer and started to pick and choose the best shots for the article. 

“Awesome picks! Here, give me a minute,” the director reached for a thumb drive  and transferred all the photos taken that day.

“Here, for you two, and I’ll be sending a copy to each of you before it officially releases.”

Hazel’s eyes lit up with delight.

“That’s great! Thank you so much!”

“Thanks to you two, this’ll be an awesome spread.”

As Hazel and Gavin walked out to where Sparky was parked, Hazel nudged his arm to get his attention. He turned to her and leaned in to hear her whisper.

“I think we need a repeat performance but this time, “ she paused, “we can be as loud as we want.”

The tips of his ears flushed a bright red but the smile never left his face.

Two weeks later, they each received a copy of the magazine. Hazel headed over to Gavin’s place to look the article over together. They marveled at how well the article was written and put together. They were also surprised that some candid, ‘behind-the-scene’ photos were included as well.

“This came out really well, huh?”

“Yeah, I like this shot especially,” he said while pointing to one of the candid shots where she was smiling brightly at him. Hazel blushed a bit before responding.

“That’s a good one, but I like this shot a lot,” she was pointing to the ‘unexpected shot’ with Gavin’s shocked expression. He cleared his throat.

“You would like that one,” he chuckled as he placed a kiss on her forehead.

“I love you, my Little Red Riding Hood.”

Hazel leaned in close, nabbing his chin in the process.

“And I love you, my Big *kiss* Bad *kiss* Wolf.”

[kokkuri3]

A Case of Split Identity in Unknown Mother Goose

I’ve been listening to Ai/Solate a lot recently and it got me to think about Unknown Mother Goose again and how it’s an absolutely fantastic song that’s such a deep personal view into wowaka’s relationship with Vocaloid and how it was ultimately what made him successful in music but also completely isolated him as an artist and one thing that wasn’t ever brought up in ForgetfulSubs’ translation nor have I seen ever brought up anywhere else is a Japanese-specific grammar oddity.

If you know literally anything about Japanese you’re probably aware that unlike English, which only has one first person pronoun of “I”, Japanese has multiple, each with their own levels of politeness and implications of gender and rank etc. etc.

Generally, in songwriting, the pronoun used is 僕 (boku), a pronoun that is polite and familiar. It implies the speaker is male but many female songwriters will use it too, as it’s become sort of a lyrical standard.

This is the first line of Unknown Mother Goose:

Noticeably, the first person pronoun used is あたし (atashi), an exclusively female first person pronoun almost never used in lyrics (and even less frequently in lyrics not about romantic love/not trying to appear ‘cutesy’ to a male audience). Why this unusual pronoun choice? Though あたし has three mora, it is pronounced as two syllables, and 僕 could be easily substituted. Even if wowaka didn’t want to use 僕, he could have used 私 (watashi), a word nearly identical in sound with the same number of mora but with fewer gendered connotations.

Japanese is a pronoun drop language, so not every line that has “I” translated into it actually contains a first person pronoun. However, あたし is used a couple more times until--

There’s a pattern to Unknown Mother Goose’s pronoun usage, one that makes it clear that there are in fact two speakers.

wowaka’s reason for abandoning Vocaloid was, essentially, people were failing to properly distinguish between Miku and himself. Songs that wowaka wrote were being credited to “Hatsune Miku,” though from a production standpoint Miku was nothing more than an instrument. His involvement of the song was hidden, left to be unseen, and he felt so alienated by this that he felt it necessary to forsake Vocaloid entirely, until his return with Unknown Mother Goose.

The pattern present in the song is that あたし is used for all lines where a first person pronoun is present, except in the line あなたには僕が見えるか？ (Can you see me?)

What we get from this is that the one who expresses her love in song is not wowaka (who would not use the exclusively female pronoun あたし) but Miku; it is Miku who the meaning of “say(ing) they loved, wish(ing) for love” ( 好きと言えたなら,  好きを願えたら) lies “in [her] everything” (あたしの全部に). Miku’s purpose was, in wowaka’s eyes, to express love. wowaka once expressed a bit of embarrassment at this; he was told that the theme for the Miku 10 year anniversary album he would be contributing to was “gratitude.” However, he felt it more appropriate to write about love because, as the song says, the meaning of expressing one’s love lies in Miku’s everything.

The only time wowaka (who said that prior to Unknown Mother Goose, he had never considered writing a song about love) speaks from his own perspective is when he asked if he was being seen. He did so politely, staying away from 俺 (ore, a more aggressive, masculine pronoun) like he did in interviews and instead using the approachable 僕. The song was about love, because that was what he felt for Vocaloid. And in that sense, the song shows he did not wish to seem as though he resented Vocaloid for causing him to go unseen. So he asked, quietly, if insistently, if you (あなた, a respectful pronoun and one uncommon in songs, used in conjunction with both 僕 and あたし in Unknown Mother Goose) could see him.

A very subtle, untranslatable element present in the song says a great deal about its meaning, about the creator’s personal relationship to it, about his relationship to the listener. wowaka was an emotional, deeply personal lyricist and his work absolutely deserved to have the effect it did on Vocaloid as a community. ... I miss his songs a lot.

[askneruandhaku]

My thoughts

Hello and sorry, first of all... mod here breaking character once again.

Mod has been extremely consumed by a specific job these past two years. A lot of hardships have happened in that span of time, not just talking about the current climate but horrible things happened in 2019 as well, related to family loss. But besides that....

This month marks the 9th anniversary of this askblog. In a really boring summer now almost 10 years ago, a younger version of me created askneruandhaku, and the Vocaloid fandom and my love for Neru and Haku only grew and consumed me since. Oops.

I want to make a proper post going in on what this askblog means to me, but I don't think this is the moment because there is something else I need to get off my chest. So I rather make this anniversary a bit more bitter and leave all the praises and good memories for the celebration of a decade of cringe in 2021.

There is something holding me back from posting, aside from how busy I am and other mental health problems. Call it an RP-block of sorts.

I'm having a very difficult time with this askblog.

I'm really thinking and considering how I could even make a comeback.

In the past three years the Vocaloid fandom has changed. A lot. Even more so if we compare it to when I started this blog, almost 10 years ago in 2011 (that is insane). Mod has grown, all the original askblog mods have grown, right, but a new generation of fans has entered the chat. On one hand, it's great! to see that the fandom is still alive and thriving despite Yamaha pulling the rug from under our feet, and specially that in the midst of all that, some fans still care to draw and support Akita Neru and Yowane Haku. I really didn’t think they would make it this far (they are also still pretty beloved in Japan). However, the way younger newer fans view Vocaloid, their sense of humor, their tolerance for certain interpretations, jokes or whatever. Totally different from mine and other.. "Vocaloid elders", lol.

The humor of this blog has always been very “out there”. I've never shied away from being extremely rude, using insults, cussing, putting characters in compromising situations and doing many a thing that is now treated as if you should be reported to the police for drawing it. Neru in particular has always been very crass, and I've used her in the past to take joking digs at the fandom. She is very fun to RP. In a way, I project to both of these characters, because I also suffer from diagnosed depression, I'm also petty and sarcastic, and as both of these characters, I’ve also always felt like an outcast, or less popular or beloved compared to my peers.

Ironically, lately I have been completely outcasted outside of the askblog world by the popular voices in the fandom. It has also lead loads of people to turn their back on me. Some that I even met through this little askblog itself, and it does hurt. I don't want to get into detail because whatever mod does outside of askblog should not impact the askblog. But I bring it up because it lead me to think, if I'm not well recieved when I'm being myself and drawing my serious non teasing art, how will people recieve me when I'm literally playing a rude character? When I'm calling Miku a bitch, in the age of people kinning Miku and projecting their person extremely hard onto her? When I'm calling anons weirdos, weeaboos or telling them to get a life?

I never truly mean those things (spoiler alert: mod actually loves Miku... though not as much as Neru and Haku), I'm portraying a troll, a cowardly jealous keyboard bully, which is who Neru is.

However, in times of people losing their mind in anger at the mere mention of magnet, how can I trust fans to tell?

When I have seen people on tumblr cover Neru's midriff and arms with an undershirt because that's showing "too much skin"?

When new fans pearl clutch and write hate towards NeruxHaku shippers?

When it's been spread by the loudest vocaloid wiki editor to new fans that Neru and Haku were created as tools of hate to insult and bully people?

Even the clothing magic anon from just two years ago has aged terribly to the standards of new Vocaloid fans that are all over Tumblr. Despite it's humor being very well recieved then.

I'm torn, guys. I don't know. I don't know how much of my audience is still sticking around after all these years. I don't know what a new audience would think about this hot mess of an edgy, rude askblog. I think there is to love if you look past the troubled, disjointed surface, just like how I see these characters as being. But I think most new fans look for some kind of "purity" that they are not going to find here. They are looking for the flawless idol cardboard cutout Miku. Not for my problematic rude, jealous, slightly abusive Neru, or my problematic depressed Haku that copes with substance abuse.

Do they still answer questions?

No.

Will they ever come back to answer questions, though?

I don’t know.

[judgmentofcorruption]

Afterword

Judgment of Corruption, afterword

Often when I’m sitting in at drinking parties, I’ll get asked all these questions like, “You’ve earned a lot with VOCALOID, haven’t you”, or “how much have you saved up?”, or else, “What do you plan to do with all the money you’ve earned?”

No matter how good I feel from being drunk at these things, I always dodge any questions that relate to money. Because it’s obvious that if I answered honestly, there is no chance that conversation would lead anywhere good. That’s how it goes, right? If the other person had no interest in money, the conversation would just end with, “huh, that’s nice”, and if conversely it was someone who couldn’t help wanting money, there’s a strong chance they would start launching into these horrible get-rich-quick schemes like, “I’d like to talk to you about a loan”. It’s not great.

“Greed”, one of the seven deadly sins, is not strictly related to just a desire for money, however in our present society if you want to satisfy your desires then you will always need money for it. As something to satisfy your materialistic wants, first. And then after they’ve achieved that, next people will start to use that money to gain their own happiness. Hobbies, relationships, family…The specifics depend on the person.

The question of whether or not money can buy happiness is oft-disputed, but in my personal opinion it can mostly buy happiness, so there’s no need to be ashamed of having it, as long as it’s not money you earned by illegal means.

Nevertheless, “mostly” in this case is a pretty strong bottleneck; ironically the few things that don’t qualify in that framework are often the source of the happiness that people are truly seeking.

And another thing. You do need money to obtain happiness, but in order to get that money there are times you’ll need to sell happiness of equivalent value. Like your time, or your  health. And depending on the person you may even lose friends, or people you love. You have to let go of happiness to obtain happiness…That’s something you do well in this society.

Anyway, to touch on the novel here, I intentionally cut down on the episodes that were in the song that the novel’s based on. Perhaps those of you who’ve listened to all of the “Deadly Sins of Evil” series songs can make a rough guess as to why.

In addition to that, there are many bits of foreshadowing that haven’t been resolved yet—the answers to all of that will be revealed in the story of the other protagonist that was born into this era.

And the long-continued “Deadly Sins of Evil” light novel series is planned to be wrapped up in just two more installments.

There may be some of you who are confused, thinking “Huh!? Shouldn’t there be only one left?”, but please be patient. There’s no way I could fit all of the outcome in one book. Please permit me to extend it to two.

And so, let’s meet again in the next work.

.

AkunoP (mothy)

directory

[monomonomagines]

Nagito in a Rainbow Girl Au

Hello once again everyone! Thanks for almost 30 followers. I didn’t expect to get so much traffic on this blog but I wanted to let you know I appreciate you all with another segment in Mod Toko’s Vocab Corner! I first messed up on this writing as I deleted it the first time I wrote it meaning my explanation was gone as well. For those of you that don’t know already by the title, “Rainbow Girl” is the title of an early 2000′s Vocaloid song about someone from the 2D world falling in love with a person in the real world. Because of the nature of this au I wrote it with some spoilers and angst. However, if anyone wants to I’m open to writing a second part to this with a happy ending. I hope you all enjoy it! Mod Toko and Kokichi love you all!!!

Abet- to actively second and encourage (something, such as an activity or plan)

Nagito, the Ultimate Lucky student always had to expect the worst in life due to his cruel talent and it's tendency to backfire against him but he couldn't have ever fathomed that his talent would ever have it out this bad for him. He was in love with someone that was a world apart from him and with his newfound feelings came that knowledge. The knowledge that despite wanting to he wouldn't be able to reach you even if he took drastic measures.

If Nagito could've he may have laughed at how unlucky he had gotten this time but all he could do was drive himself crazy with his thoughts. He wanted to always be able to see you, and couldn't bear the fact that he couldn't always gaze back at you with his own green orbs when you watched him with such fascination.

He loved whenever your eyes were on him but he hated how it felt as soon as you take your gaze off of him. It was somehow worse than anything else, even the thought of you possibly getting tired of him and throwing him away. Maybe it's because he assumed already that the worst was still come? He honestly didn't know. All he did know was that these feelings just wouldn't die out. He got it, and he got it bad.

He couldn't smile at you if he wanted to. He couldn't be there for you or support you when you were down. All he could do was let you watch him and even then he couldn't always watch you at the same time. The game's evil sprites wouldn't allow him even that.

How cruel his talent was he thought. How sick it was to finally realize that what he wanted was so close and yet so far. You were lightyears and centimeters apart simultaneously even though all that was dividing him from you was a simple screen. A screen that he couldn't even approach unless the game allowed him.

At first, he was glad to be in this game, if it was fiction then surely even he could accomplish something. Surely he can help hope triumph despair. Surely he can be of use to the ultimates somehow. He had been so excited, so filled with hope, but now he just felt so apathetic.

He wanted to bring hope to the world but he isn't even a part of the real world. He wanted to bring hope to the world where you resided, to you because for him you were his hope. You were beautiful, you were kind, and you even spent your time on the likes of him. How couldn't he have fallen for you? How could he have allowed himself to be stuck so far away from you? He wanted you and only you.

He realized this all with the notion that he's 2D as well. He realized it and yet he still had business to attend to in his own. He didn't believe in his original ideas anymore. He took his own world as a challenge by now. A quest to accomplish in order to prove to you how he's made for you. He desperately needed to show you before you grew tired of him and those silly ultimates. He had to show you before you threw them all away by starting some other game and leaving them all in some 2D purgatory. He knew he could do it as long as you let him try. He wouldn't fail you.

He swore to himself that he'd do whatever it takes to get to you. He'd do whatever it takes just to make you understand. He'd do it even if it broke him more than he already was. If you could see any value in something as messed up as him then he wouldn't mind falling apart more for your sake.

Nagito wanted to do so much for you. He wanted to do so much just to bring the two of you closer. He yearned to be able to put his hands up to that glass between you. He dreamed of somehow reaching his own bony ones to wrap around your plumper ones. He dreamed of so many scenarios where he could make these feelings evident that he nearly drove himself mad.

You were always there whether he was awake or asleep. You were always in his mind. He loved you so much he wanted to be able to scream it from mountain tops, he wanted to so badly but he couldn't even admit those feelings to himself. He couldn't whisper let alone open his mouth when he wished to. He couldn't do anything that he wanted to. All he had was the game and his own self proclaimed challenge.

He could only cling to his own delusional terms that by exploiting the ultimates in hope's name would make it so that you could be together. It didn't make sense as most of his ideals did but he was dead set on proving it to you. He was so sure you'd abet his idea, no you'd love it. You'd understand exactly what he meant to accomplish and as soon as you did there could be no way you'd tire of him. That way you couldn't possibly get rid of him even if he was so far.

He thought he could convince you if he did everything in-game correctly to just keep replaying his events over and over and over. You'd never be apart, not ever.

He was so busy with these plans, with these delusions as though he could change the game's bounds that he almost didn't understand why you were upset when you both learned of his fate thanks to a spoiler online. It was great, wasn't it? He could help hope prevail. He could fulfill his quest for you. He was so happy but you didn't seem to be at all.

Sure he'd die but he'd prove his love to you. He'd prove that these feelings were real for you. He thought you'd understand but instead you were crying? Crying for the likes of him? This wasn't what he wanted, he never wanted to hurt, he just wanted to show how dedicated he was.

He couldn't stand to see you cry. It was more unbearable than anything he had ever endured. He tried so hard to open his mouth, to move his hands but they just stayed clenched at his sides. Why was he so useless? Why couldn't he ever be there for you? Why, why, why, why? It felt so hopeless, like he was trapped in some never ending abyss of pain. He felt stuck but he needed to help you more now than ever.

He screamed against his unchanging mouth, he tried kicking and flailling, just anything to change this. He wanted to break that glass to somehow penetrate it's walls to break through to you. He needed to be there, to hold you, to tell you not to worry about the likes of him. He wouldn't ever hurt you if he could help. He needed to tell you so much in that small moment and yet he couldn't do a thing.

In the end Nagito was as useless as he always said he was. He couldn't break free of his world's binds to help you, all he could do was stand by and watch as always. He couldn't get a whisper or a sound out, couldn't even clench his hands tighter, all he did was watch as tear after tear fell feelling small and helpless.

He swore he'd prove himself to you and now his chance was passing him by as he was forced to watch. He couldn't his world from crashing down on him, he couldn't hold up a piece of rubble if he wanted to. Instead he had to make another promise to himself and to you. He would escape from here. He would escape if it killed him just to tell you all of these thoughts that plauged his mind.

Nagito would tell you how he always wanted your eyes on him, how he hated being so far away from you, how you brought joy to the likes of him. He was going to tell you it all before he died. It might go against his past promise but he was determined not to fail this time now that he knew how you really felt about him leaving you.