#but them deciding that an abortion would be best and they go through with it and it almost breaks them 🤪

[lexa-griffins]

Could we get really angsty and sad in your seven minutes in heaven clexa? I want you to hurt these precious babies

😂😂 i am not feeling too angsty right now but i do have 2 asks for a real nice jealousy plot in college with Niylah that hopefully will satisfy that thirst for angst tomorrow or so 😈

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 21: Try to Understand

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV, Soldier Boy POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter twenty one of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 7.5K

Warnings: I'm gonna go 18+, I'm not sure that it needs it, but I'm still gonna do it. Angst, Talks of pregnancy, Talks of possible abortion, Cursing, Fluff, Sexual References, Graphic Nightmare?, FLUFF, Family Problems, Self-deprecating thoughts, Awkward Situations, Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, completely a little OOC. Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

******************************************************

Soldier Boy POV

After his shower, you still haven't come back from talking to Rosemary, and Ben decides that instead of eavesdropping on your conversation, he's going to go to the kitchen and get a drink. He knows exactly where Legend hides the good shit, mostly because Legend hid it to keep it away from Ben in the first place. And despite it happening forty years ago, nothing in Legend's house had changed. Ben had many memories of this house, at least two Herogasms had been hosted here, hell, Ben had memories in the room you two were sharing, but he kept them to himself.

The last thing he wanted was for you to think about any of the things that happened in the past, not when you had told him that he had made it up to you, not when you had held him close after all these years and whispered things to him that he always wanted you to say, and not when he was more happy than he'd ever been.

You said that you forgave him, Ben understood that, but that didn't mean he was going to stop making it up to you every day and it didn't mean that he was going to stop making you happy, because after all these years you were still the only thing he wanted, and he refused to lose you ever again.

He glances at the empty bottle on the nightstand, the one that you brought with you last night and the same bottle the two of you finished together.

He was surprised when you said you stopped drinking, but not completely. You'd only drunk socially as a supe, and Ben hadn't seen you drunk since the two of you were kids. He knew it was because you didn't want to lose control like he did.

Ben stutters on the memory of what happened in Mid-town, and what happened forty years ago when he threw a car through a house and killed an innocent bystander. Ben didn't believe he was a bad guy, he was a hero or- the memories of all the moments he lost control began to seep though the cracks- at least he thought he was.

His mind drifts back to you. You were always in control. The one time he'd ever seen you lose control was when you lost it at the premiere all those years ago. It was justified. Ben would have lost it too if he walked in on anyone fucking you. His jaw clenches at the thought, but then he remembers what you said last night, that there hadn't been anyone else, that you never wanted anyone else but him ever. It was surprising to him, that you hadn't moved on, even after all this time you still loved him the same way you always had and that there would never be anyone else.

Fuck. Ben took in a deep breath to avoid getting too excited remembering what you said, feeling warmth begin to build in his abdomen. It had been difficult to contain himself when you admitted that to him. If you had let him, he would have made love to you right then, made you feel things that no other man ever did, but you said you wanted to wait.

And Ben wanted to respect that, wanted to respect you.

He examines the empty bottle once more.

When you were younger he'd watch you get drunk on cheap beer that he bought you more than once, usually when you proclaimed that you could drink him under the table and then Ben had to practically corral you to get you home. Then again he liked those nights, when you'd try to sing, swing from light poles that lined the street, and you'd grab his hand and say crazy things like "let's run away" or "let's go egg Missy Callahan's house." Both of which Ben didn't need much more convincing to say yes, but the two of you never did.

He would have run away with you if you'd ever seriously asked him to, he would have dropped everything to leave, would have chosen you just as you chose him the night he showed up and asked you to go with him to get the serum. The promise he made to protect you and be strong for you the night you went with him was not new. He had repeated it to himself every day since the minute he realized how much you meant to him.

And he would continue to do it for the rest of his life.

Ben ascends the stairs, buttoning the Giants jersey that Butcher bought for him. He wasn't the biggest fan of them forty years ago, but it was one of the only shirts he had. And the last thing he wanted to do was walk around without a shirt on. Ben smiles to himself remembering your reaction when you walked in on him changing into his supe suit yesterday morning. He loved that you reacted to him that way, it was the same way that he reacted to seeing you yesterday when you were standing in your bathroom in only your bra, looking just as beautiful as you had forty years ago when he took you to bed and-

Fuck. Ben took in another deep breath finishing the last button to avoid thinking about you naked. It had been forty years for him and he knew that he was going to have to take it slow when it came to sex.

He stumbled into the kitchen and froze.

Lou was sitting at the square kitchen table that sat under a floor length window and looked out onto the sprawling backyard of Legend's property. Ben could see Rosemary and you talking at the very edge of where the grass met the thick woods beyond.

"Hi Ben!" Lou smiles wide at him. A giant box of crayons sits on the table just beyond her filled with every color known to man, while she scribbles in a sketchbook that looks suspiciously like the same ones that Ben had seen you buy for yourself in the past. "Do you know how to draw trees? Aunty y/n always does them for me, but she's talking to mommy."

"Um-" Ben clears his throat, fastening the last button of his shirt. Lou was smiling at him the same way you did, like she was genuinely happy that he was there, and he wasn't used to that. It was the same way you used to smile at him when he climbed through your bedroom window. He looks out the window to where you're still talking to Rosemary trying to find a way out, until finally he sighs. "No. I'm sorry."

"That's okay, mommy can't draw either." Lou looks back at her drawing while reaching for a brown crayon. She was wearing pink polka dot pajamas, pants and a shirt that matched. Ben had never seen pajamas like that before, but he supposed that pink was her favorite color, given that she was also wearing a pair of bright pink fuzzy slippers.

He couldn’t help but smile. He wondered if you hated how much Lou liked pink, if it reminded of those dresses your mother used to make you wear that always made you look like a giant iced birthday cake.

Personally, Ben didn’t think you looked that ridiculous, he thought that you looked cute, ruffly, but cute. You never believed him when he told you that.

Ben wandered over to the cabinet where he thought the whiskey was, but as soon as he opened it, he found the cabinet empty.

Did he fucking move it?

"It's under the sink." Lou said from behind him.

"What?" Ben turns around surprised.

Lou was still scribbling with her crayon in her sketchpad. "Uncle Legend came in and moved it this morning."

"Thanks." Ben awkwardly makes his way over to the sink, and sure enough behind the mop bucket is a full bottle of whiskey. He busies himself with pouring a glass before he eyes the chair next to Lou wondering if he should sit there.

Ben was nervous, he'd never admit it, but he was. This was his granddaughter, someone that you loved very much. He'd never been around a kid before, didn't have any siblings growing up, and certainly didn't have any relatives with children the way you had.

He liked to think that if he had been there when you were pregnant and when you gave birth to Rosemary he would have gotten used to it gradually. He wasn't sure if he could even be a dad, not after everything that happened with his own.

He was sure that he was going to be a disappointment to Rosemary and even to Lou and-

"Sit with me." Lou says, interrupting his train of thought as she gets off of her chair to pull out the one next to her for Ben tugging with all her strength to pull it out from under the table.

Ben hesitates, but finally smiles at her efforts to get him to sit with her and sits down.

An awkward silence falls over him, he's again unsure what to say, so he takes a sip from his glass and hopes that you'll come in and save him from saying the wrong thing, but given how upset you look standing outside with Rosemary, he's sure that it won't be anytime soon. The urge to go outside and get between Rosemary and you is strong, but just as he begins to move to get out of the chair, Lou interrupts him.

"You make her smile more." Lou says, while grabbing a red crayon with her chubby hand and begins to draw the petals of a flower in her sketchbook, meticulously trying to make them more circular, tongue between her teeth as she concentrates.

"Who?"

"Aunty y/n. She didn't smile as much before." She says it matter of factly.

"Really?"

Lou nods reaching into the box of crayons for a new color. "She tried to act like she wasn't sad, but I think she was. Sometimes when she thought I was asleep I would find her on the couch just sitting there. I think she was lonely. And I tried to give her bigger hugs but they never seem to work. Hugs always make me feel better." Lou sighs.

"I'm sure that your hugs made her feel better." Ben's says tightly. He's not sure how to talk to Lou, isn't sure if he should talk to her like an adult or not.

"I love aunty y/n. I want to be just like her when I grow up. I want to be an artist!"

Ben looks down at the sketchpad on the table beneath Lou’s hands. It was of a giant tree that had different colored flowers all squished together in its branches. Each flower was different than the last, crudely drawn, but under it all Ben could see her potential. It reminded him of the sketchbook pages you first showed him when you were eight and swore him to secrecy, threatening bodily harm if you told anyone else about them.

“You’re very good.” Ben says and Lou beams with pride at her drawing, before flipping to a new page. She holds out a brilliant yellow crayon towards Ben. “Please draw a sun right here.” She taps her finger against the top left of the page before placing the crayon in his hand.

“Oh I don’t think I-“

“You can do it Ben! Aunty y/n says that art doesn’t have to be perfect, that it gets messy sometimes but that makes it fun!” Rosie reaches for a purple crayon and begins to draw stick figures to the right of the page.

Ben had heard you say that before, usually after your mother would sneer or make a comment about your paint stained hands when he’d bring you home from a day at the park. But sitting here listening to Lou say it was different.

Lou reminded him of you as a kid. She wasn't afraid  to speak up, to say what she thought, and she was filled with creativity and love.

Ben always admired that about you, that you were able to create things so perfectly and that you always made space in your heart for him, even when he was a complete dick for so long. He wondered if Rosemary was like you too. He could see a bit of it when she told him off, saw how headstrong she was and how ready she was to protect who she loved from him.

Ben hated that Rosemary believed that he would hurt you again, when it all but tore his own heart out to do so the last time.

But he was trying, hoped that she could see that he was trying and hoped that one day she’d let him in. The problem was he wasn’t the most patient person in the world.

He looks down at the crayon in his hand frowning slightly. He wasn’t an artist like you. The only thing that he’d really ever drawn was the naughty doodle that got him kicked out of boarding school, the one that made you laugh so hard you pushed him off the bed when he drew it for you in your sketchbook. You’d tried to show him other ways of drawing and painting but he’d never been interested.

Not to mention he didn’t think it was manly. He didn’t think that a man should have a hobby like this. It should be fishing or hunting or something like that but he looks down at Lou.

Her eyes are shining bright with excitement, smile wide, dimples showing and he doesn’t want to disappoint her, not when she’s been nothing but nice to him since he showed up.

If Hughie or fucking Butcher come in here and see me drawing this fucking sun I’ll-

“You don’t look like your pictures.” Lou hums drawing a smile on the face of the stick figure.

“Huh?” Ben looks up confused.

“The pictures that mommy keeps in the drawer.” Lou says reaching for a black crayon to draw long flowing hair on the stick figure.

“What pictures?”

“Of you and aunty y/n. Mommy has some in her drawer.” Lou acts as if she hadn’t said anything, grabbing a different crayon to draw another stick figure.

“She has pictures of us?”

“Yeah. You don’t have the beard though. And you and aunty y/n are really young.” She pokes his cheek with a chubby finger, making Ben freeze. Lou squints her eyes at him. “You don’t look like the picture that aunty y/n drew either.”

Ben hesitates, eyes slightly widening. “She drew a picture of me?”

“Few days ago.” Lou scribbles. “You didn’t have a beard then either.”

In the new drawings and paintings that Ben had seen back at your apartment, he hadn’t seen any drawings of him, he assumed it was because of everything that happened, but to learn that you did still draw him made him smile.

“You don't like it?” Ben asks, amused.

She shrugs. “It’s okay.”

“Aunt y/n likes it.” He said it more to himself than to Lou. Like hell he was going to shave it off when he saw how much you liked it when he came back. Ben smiles to himself remembering how your heart beat jolted out of your chest whenever he touched you, how your cheeks flushed, how your smooth skin felt beneath his hands-

There were so many little things that Ben missed about you, so many things that he had forgotten, and now he got to learn each one all over again and fall in love with every part of you for the second time in his life.

The sun he drew in the top left of the page was lopsided, but Lou didn't complain, in fact she added a pair of sunglasses to it, and a bright smile that Ben laughed at.

"What are you two doing?" Ben hears your voice say as your hand gently rubs his back. Ben looks up embarrassed. He hadn't wanted to get caught with a crayon in his hand, but at least it had been you and not Butcher.

"We were just-" Ben begins to say, his eyes flicking to where Rosemary stands behind Lou eyes narrowed.

"Mommy look. Ben is helping me color!" Lou crows, picking up her drawing so Rosemary can see.

Ben realizes what Lou was drawing on the other side of the page. Lou has drawn Rosemary and you standing with Lou in between the two of you holding on to her hands. Ben's eyes slide to the last figure in the drawing, his chest suddenly very tight, it's him, standing beside you, frowning, but holding on to your hand.

Rosemary smiles tightly at the page with a sigh. "That's nice sweetie. Come on, let's get you dressed."

"But I like my pajamas."

"Do what your mother says Lou." You smile down at her, stroking her dark hair back from her face.

"Okay." She sighs dramatically and begins to walk out of the room, but Rosemary is still glaring at Ben.

"Rose-" You begin to say, but she interrupts you.

"She might be able to forgive you, but I'm not going to." Her eyes narrow. "I don't think you're good for her."

Ben is still sitting in his chair at the kitchen table, your hand solidly on his back as if you were making the statement that you weren't going to push him away. It solidified something, showed him how much you were willing to sacrifice to keep him in your life, and again enforced just how much you loved him. If Rosemary hadn't been standing there, he would have sat you on the marble countertop and sucked another mark into your neck. The one he left yesterday was already starting to fade and he wanted to replace it as soon as possible.

But he was still angry, angry that Rosemary wouldn't give him a chance. "Your mother means everything to me." Ben says honestly. "I'm not asking you to forgive me. All I'm asking is that you get to know me first before you-"

"I don't want to get to know you." Rosemary says. "And if you hurt my mother again, I’ll make you wish that you stayed in that fucking lab."

She's gone in an instant, making Ben feel a pain in his chest that he hadn't felt since he spoke to his own father decades ago, on those nights when his dad got so drunk that he couldn't stand up straight and the nights that his father's words rang heavy in Ben's ears. Those nights Ben would get drunk, climb up the tree outside your window, and stumble into your bed, curling into you because you were the only thing in his life that he couldn't stand to lose, couldn't stand to disappoint, and the only thing in his shitty life that made him happy.

"Ben-" He hears you say.

"Mhmm?"

"Look at me."

Ben looks up. He doesn't like the worry in your gaze, doesn't like how your own eyes are just a little rimmed red like you were crying.

"I love you." You whisper. "And she's not going to change that."

"Are you sure?" He barely breathes the words, afraid in his soul to admit them to you, to speak them into the universe.

You drop into his lap, putting your forearms on his shoulders.

"Ben." You drag your fingers through his hair, your touch soothing his anxiety. "You know me enough to know that I don't pull punches. If I didn't want you here, I would make sure you weren't." You press a soft kiss to the tip of his nose. "I want you here with me. I don't want you to go ever again. "

They were the words that he wanted you to tell him on the nights he crawled through your bedroom window, the question that he was always afraid to ask. Because he never believed that you could want him even a fraction as much as he wanted you, could love him and want to be with him as much as he wanted to be with you. And yet here you were after all these years after all the shitty things he did accepting him and letting him into your heart.

“Okay.” He leans his forehead against yours for a minute. “What did you talk about?”

“Homelander. And what happened yesterday.” You sigh. “She’s about as thrilled as I thought she’d be with us going after our old team. She was pissed when I told her about Countess the other day but this was worse.” You mutter holding on tight to him. “She’ll get over it. At least… I hope she will.”

“Mhmm.”

“I will say that I’m kind of jealous.”

“About?” Ben is suddenly worried.

What did I do? Did I-

“Every time I tried to get you to draw with me you said no.” Ben watches you frown dramatically. “And here you are with another woman-“

Ben rolls his eyes and shuts you up by closing the distance between your faces. You laugh into his mouth, his tongue finding the rigid edge of your front teeth as you do before you fit your mouth against his and kiss him, your soft lips molding against his in a way that makes a deep seated groan vibrate up through his chest.

“You try saying no to her.” Ben mutters.

“It’s impossible.” You open your eyes to stare at him again, your gaze filled with more love than Ben had ever seen. He’d never seen anyone look at him like that before, none of the other women he’d had in his life had ever looked at him the way you did. And he never wanted you to stop. You looked at him like he was special, treasured, like he was something that you never wanted to stop looking at, like you saw every part of him and refused to turn away.

He'd only seen that once before. He had taken a woman out for drinks, you had been doing an interview that ran late and Ben was trying to pass the time, but at the bar he had seen an older couple sitting in a booth in the corner. Ben couldn't look away from them. They were sitting on the same side of the booth, the man's arm draped over the woman who leaned into him with a wide smile, her gray hair pushed back in an elegant twist, but she looked up at him with such reverence that Ben couldn't help but think of you. When he saw that he left the woman he came with there and went to your apartment, to wait until you got back. And when you had fallen asleep Ben had folded you into his arms and allowed himself to dream that one day you would look at him the same way.

And now years later here you were looking at him as if he was the most precious thing he'd ever seen, the same way you looked at him the morning after your birthday when you told him you loved him.

"But I did tell you that once Lou drew you into the family portrait, you were in." You reach back to pick up the drawing holding it between the two of you so he can see Lou's hard work. "She really captured your frown." You snort, leaning your head against his shoulder while you look at the drawing.

"Shut up." Ben squeezes you, but he can't help but smile at the paper.

And deep down Ben started to believe you when you said that this was his family too, because sitting there with Lou he had felt just as at home as he had with you.

All he had to do was convince Rosemary.

*********************************************************

[30 MINUTES AGO] READER POV

I can't believe that she walked in on us IN BED. She's already pissed about me having him here, but why did her finding us together feel like the equivalent of my mother walking in on Ben and me?

You follow behind Rosemary silently, trying not to think of how sad Ben looked when you left him. You would have wanted nothing more than to stay in bed, curled up beside him and make him understand that no matter how much Rosemary wanted you to push him away, you weren't going to leave him.

You could see the fear flashing in his eyes, had seen it last night when he yelled at you. As much as he didn't want to admit it, you knew that Ben was still afraid that you would leave him. And knowing how much you meant to him made you love him even more.

It was a beautiful day. Legend's home was the only one within ten miles, his money well spent to keep himself secluded from the rest of the world. The large trees at the back of his home were tall and strong, their branches curling upward  to the sun as if they wished to worship it.

The sunlight was warm on your shoulders, soaking through your t-shirt and sweat pants as you follow behind your daughter, who was obviously trying to get out of earshot of Ben's supe hearing. You didn't want to break it to her that you'd probably have to drive at least a mile away for Ben's hearing to get a little bit fuzzy.

Finally, just as you reach the crest of trees at the back of the lot she stops and turns back to face you.

She's frowning and waits a minute to begin. "I want you to tell me what happened."

"I did-"

"No. You didn't tell me everything and I want to know exactly  what happened and why you had to fight Homelander."

You bite the inside of your cheek.

There really wasn't an easy way to sugar coat it or really explain it in a way that Rosemary would understand without getting angry.

She almost went ballistic the other day when I told her that I killed Countess and that was a complete accident. Us going after the Twins was not. Us going after the twins was calculated.

"Okay. Before we talk about that, I want you to understand why-"

"Oh you mean why you and Ben-" She seethes his name. "Were going after your old team? The exact thing that you told me you weren't going to do when you came to tell me about Countess?"

"Yes."

"Fine." She leans back against one of the trees, still frowning. "Go on."

"Ben told me what happened in Nicaragua. What Countess said was true, she seduced him to make me angry." You hold up a hand. "And before you say that Ben said those things to me and did those things of his own free will. I know."

Rosemary still doesn't look pleased.

"They betrayed him in Nicaragua. They attacked him and gave him to the Russian military."

"But why?"

"Honestly I'm not sure. I think it's because Ben used to be wild and impulsive and-"

"Used to be?"

"Just listen." You sigh. "He spent forty years in Russia being tortured and experimented on. They put something in his chest-"

"What did they put in his chest?"

"It's like an energy beam." You were giving her the short version about what the beam really did, because you didn't think that now was the best time to say that it might turn supes human. "But that's why we went to see the Twins, because they betrayed him and when Homelander showed up I had to step in."

Rosemary pinches the bridge of her nose and you can tell that she's trying very hard to not get angry. "So let me get this straight, you went to see the Twins, AS SOME KIND OF FUCKED UP REVENGE FANTASY?"

"Well-"

"No. My turn to talk." She holds up a finger like she's admonishing a toddler. "I can't believe that you can't see what's happening."

"See what?"

"You told me that things were different, that he'd changed but he hasn't! He's still the same angry dick! The only person that's changed is you!"

"What?"

"And you don't fucking see it!" Rosemary shouts. "You facing Homelander, you killing Countess, you going after your old team- it's all him! As soon as you got a whiff of Soldier Boy you started to slip back into the person that you were forty fucking years ago."

"That is ridiculous-"

"No it's not. And it's all him. He is the one making you throw the life away that you have made for yourself. He is the one making you use your powers again! He is the one making you go along with his ridiculous revenge plot-"

"Ben is not making me do anything!"

"He is-"

"You have no idea what that's like for people who say that they're your friends betray you. To have people who you thought trusted you give you up like that. They stabbed him in the back Rosie, and they sent him away to another country to be tortured. Do you have any idea what they did to him there? Our old team deserves everything that is coming to them."

"I don't know who you are anymore."

"I am still the same person I was. I am still me."

"No I don't think you are-"

Your jaw tightens. "Look, I understand that you're upset with this whole situation. With having to be here and with me letting Ben back into my life, but he is my family too."

She bristles when you say the word 'family.'

She has to understand that, to know that Ben is my family, is her family.

"Rosemary, do you have any idea what I would do for you if someone tried to hurt you or Lou the way they hurt Ben? What I would do to them for even trying?" You whisper it, but you can see her expression soften as she considers what you were saying. "You were angry with me because I was going to go to Russia alone. You wanted to protect me. And even all this stuff with Ben, you have been trying to protect me from him because you believe that he's going to hurt me again. How is this any different?"

“It is.”

“Why? Because he’s hurt me?” Your eyes lock with hers. “I’ve hurt you by letting him back in my life. Are you saying that now you wouldn’t protect me? That if I asked you to go with me to Russia right now you wouldn't do it.”

She stands there looking at you for a minute, letting what you've asked hang in the air between the two of you. And you know that deep down she understands the need to protect her family the same way you did.

"No. That's not what I'm saying. You depend so much on him and it's only been three days." She sighs. "Mom you were happy before-“

"No I wasn't." You mutter.

The memories of the last three days with Ben proved that. You hadn't realized just how in the hole you were until he walked back into your life. Until you felt how much you loved him and now understood how much he loved you. Waking up with him, falling asleep with him, spending time with him, seeing his smile, hearing him speak, and feeling him beside you all felt different. She was right, you did feel different. You felt lighter and warmer, like you'd mainlined sunshine, like everything else had been colorless until Ben walked back in.

You understood that now you may have tried to be happy, and you were with Rosemary and Lou, but not anywhere else. Being with Ben felt right.

Rosemary eyes you for a minute and then finally sighs.  "I know."

"What?" You weren't expecting her to say that.

"He's been here only three days and you're-" She searches for the word reluctantly. "You're glowing."

"Huh?"

"My entire life I've watched you. I know you. You're my best friend. And I'm not saying that you haven't been happy, but with him you're a different person."

"You've already said that and it's not true. I'm still me-"

"Not about the supe shit." She shakes her head. "The way you look at him, the way you smile, the way whenever he shifts in another direction you do too like somehow you sensed it. And it scares me."

"Why does that scare you?"

"Because if he decides this is all too much and he leaves, I don't want to see the person you become when he does." She frowns and crosses her arms over her chest. "I kinda feel like I've seen that person the last thirty nine years."

"That's ridiculous-"

"You told me about before, told me how you were when he left, I didn't see it, I couldn't imagine it, but now seeing you with him, understanding just how much of a hold he has on your life, understanding how much you love and care for him- mom… I see that the life you made for us, you still weren't you. I'm not sure if you were really completely happy and now seeing you with him, I-"

You place your hands on her cheeks. "Rosie. What happened forty years ago is not your fault. I would not change a single second that I spent with you and Lou. I do not regret the life that I've made with you. I do not regret you. I want you to understand that. The things that happened between me and Ben, even though they were fucked up, does not mean that I don't love you."

"I know that." She whispers, but you're suddenly unsure.

You thought that you'd expressed that to Rosemary enough over the years, that you did not regret having her, that you wouldn't change that decision.

"Rosie please." You hug her, tears burning just behind your eyes. "You are not a mistake. I love you." You pull back to look at her green eyes, the same as Ben's. "And I wouldn't change a single thing about my life. Because maybe I wasn't happy with me, but I was when I was with you and Lou."

"Okay." She pulls back with a sigh.

"I just wish that you'd try to talk to work things out with Ben." You search her face. You told yourself that you weren't going to get involved, but you wanted her to like him. He was her father and he was going to be spending time with you.

"Look I don't want to hate him, and maybe I don't, but it's not your fault." Her expression hardens. "He shouldn't have shouted at you yesterday for that. You didn't make me hate him or make him the villain. It's not your fault." She repeats.

"Maybe it is. I told you all those things about him, I made you focus only on the bad, only on the things that happened towards the end-"

Rosemary takes your hand. "Mom you told me everything. I remember the good things. I remember what your friendship was like. I remember the stories you told me when I was a kid about Ben and you running around Philadelphia."

"Which ones?"

"When he was strong for you when you couldn't be. When he took care of you, when he took you places, when he supported your art. When he made sure that you were happy. I-" She pauses.  "I haven't forgotten those."

"Then why-"

"Because they happened before. When Ben was still Ben and not Soldier Boy. I've seen every single film. Watched every interview, commercial, and even those stupid music videos." Rosemary shakes her head as if trying to rid herself of the image.

"You have?"

"Yes. And I saw the person he became."

You knew what that looked like. Ben really did go all out for the cameras when they were rolling, but when it was the two of you he was just him. And the past two days he had shown that person to you all over again, and you knew deep in your heart that you were trusting him again.

"I know that you don't believe me when I say this, but he really is different."

"Sure."

You sigh. You knew that she wouldn't believe you, that she was just so hell-bent on pushing him away that she wouldn't listen to you. But you knew deep down that he was different, and that he was trying. It was enough for you.

Ben was enough. And the fact that he was willing to throw away all the macho bullshit he had spouted in the past, that he was willing to try to change to be the boy you fell in love with, meant everything to you.

You knew that you had probably forgiven him too early, but you wanted to believe him, and you wanted him to be back in your life.

Rosemary echoes your sigh and looks back up towards the house, stamping her foot in frustration. "Did you at least kick his ass?"

"Who? Ben? I told you that I threw him-" You begin to say suddenly confused.

"No." The ends of her lips twitch into a smile. "Homelander."

You laugh. "Yeah. They don't really make heroes the same way these days."

"Good. He probably fucking liked it."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that." You snort remembering the look he gave you when you threw him against the ground. "But it was kind of cathartic to throw him around. I feel a lot better. Maybe you should give it a try." You narrow your eyes at your daughter. "I mean Homelander not Ben."

Rosemary's lips pull into a mischievous smirk, looking more like Ben than she ever has. "I'll keep that in mind."

********************************************************

READER POV

Your heartbeat pounds in your ears, heart racing to catch up as you tug your arms to get them free, but leather restraints hold them in place at your sides. A cold chill seeps up through the metal table you lay on though the thin paper gown that covers your body. Brilliant light from fluorescent square lights above blinds you. And even when you shut them tight the flash of red that stays behind burns through your iris.

Shadows move just on the edge of your vision and you strain your ears to hear them speak, to understand why you're here, why you're strapped to this table, but the only thing that remains is a garbled sound broken only by the rapid ding of a heart monitor.

Where am I? How did I-

A sharp pain deep inside of you makes your breath catch, an uncomfortable sensation between your legs. You try to kick out, but your legs are strapped down, pried apart and bent at the knee. Your pleas for release are slurred as if you've forgotten how to speak.

Someone brings their hand down over your mouth and you bite down, blood and flesh sticking between your teeth and the person strikes your face savagely.

The shadows that pass over where you lay on your back are impossible to bring faces to and their muffled conversations are just out of reach.

And when you open your mouth to scream everything goes black.

"Y/n!" You hear Ben shout as you come to, his hands on your shoulders shaking you from sleep, but you can't move, can't speak still stuck in whatever hell-scape that your mind designed. "Please Sweetheart." He's leaning down over you, eyes wide with fear and anxiety, eyebrows pulled together. "Wake up."

"Ben-" You croak, breath coming in gasps, eyes blinking to focus on him above you.

Ben breathes out a sigh of relief, pulling you up into his arms and tucking your head beneath his chin.

"Ben." You say again, tears falling from your eyes sobs shaking your shoulders, breath coming in gasps as you cling to him, holding on to him so tight you think you hear his back crack.

“Shhh. It’s alright Sweetheart, I’m here. I’m right here.” Ben murmurs into the top of your head, rubbing his hand down your spine.

It wasn’t the first time you’d had the nightmare, but it was the first time you’d had it in forty years. It had started a few years before Ben had been taken. You don’t know why, but you always assumed that it was stress of being a hero or your heartache over Ben refusing to see you as more than a friend, that finally you cracked. But you didn't know why that particular scenario. The only time that you'd seen something remotely similar was the day that you received your injection of Compound V and you figured maybe your mind created the dream to haunt you.

And now it’s back because I’m stressed about all this shit with Homelander.

You inhale the familiar scent of Ben’s cologne, tears soaking into the front of his black shirt, but it does little to calm your heartbeat. You sob again, arms wrapped around his neck holding him tighter to you as you shudder.

“It’s alright. I’m right here.” Ben says again. His hand trails gently down your spine up and down in a soothing motion to calm you down.

He’d comforted you before after the same nightmare, he knew exactly what you saw each time, but he also was confused as to why you saw it. In his arms you felt safe, as if no one else could touch you or pull you away. You wondered if Ben felt the same way when you held him.

“Shh.” He presses a kiss to the top of your head, pushing back the strands of hair that clung to your sweaty forehead.

You shudder again, sweat sticking your shirt to your back, but your heartbeat begins to slow as you take in another breath.

“Same dream?” Ben whispers.

“Yeah.” You breathe. “I haven’t had it since you were-“ You choke on the words again as the images from what you saw come back. The mumbled voices of the figures fading in and out of your ears.

“Did you ever figure out what it was?”

“No. I-“ You inhale. “I don’t know. I-“

Your body shakes again as you cling to Ben, trying to forget the dream that never seemed to go away. “I don’t know.”

********************************************************

READER POV

In the days that followed Butcher and Hughie looked for Mindstorm's last known location, and Rosemary tried to stay as far away from Ben as she could, which wasn't too far because she refused to leave Lou alone with him. And Lou kept wanting to do more and more with Ben.

But you didn't mind that, because it meant that Rosemary got to sit front row to Ben trying to get more comfortable around Lou.

And try he was. He sat with her each day while she drew after breakfast, watched you and her paint side by side on Legend's back porch, waited patiently while you braided Lou's hair back from her face, and even indulged her in the occasional game of Go Fish that Ben always seemed to lose. But he didn't mind or at least not that you could tell.

"I understand that you all have this kind of fucked up fantasy when you go after Mindstorm," Rosemary sighed leaning back on Legend's dark brown leather couch with a beer in her hand. "But I still don't see how this is going to help us with Homelander."

Butcher shrugs taking a sip from his own beer bottle, brooding in the chair across from her. Hughie mirrors the shrug and reaches for the last slice of pizza in the ornate glass coffee table in front of the couch.

You were sitting on the couch beside her, your legs folded up underneath you with a mug full of scotch clutched between your hands, while Ben stretched out beside you nursing his own glass of whiskey.

In all the years that you had known Legend, there never seemed to be a shortage of booze. Ben respected that.

Lou was sleeping soundly upstairs, you kept checking on her every few minutes with your supe hearing, but so far she hadn't woken up.

"Because those two wanted us to go after their old team first." Butcher gestures to Ben and you with his bottle.

"At least we don't have a hard-on for Homelander." Ben frowns. "Can't tell if you want me to kill him or if you want to fuck him."

"Ben-" You sigh.

You had tried not to think about Homelander over the past few days, but it was unavoidable. You bite the inside of your cheek remembering what it was like to fight him, what it was like to hold him by the throat and stare into his nearly black eyes.

He had been pissed. You knew that, but you hadn't expected to feel so weird when you looked at him. You remember his blonde hair, the sharp smell of hair dye, the strong cut of his jaw-

Your thumb rubs the side of the mug you're holding. There was something else about him though, something that you couldn't place, something that when you looked at him you felt that you had forgotten something. Something important that nagged and tugged at the back of your mind.

But what? I've seen him before, at least not in person, and definitely not that close. Only in those pathetic interviews on T.V, on those stupid energy drinks…

You think again about the grip you had on his throat, remember the angular planes of his face.

"That doesn't fucking help." Rosemary rolls her eyes and you look up at your daughter.

She really does act like Ben even if he wasn't around through her childhood.

You think to yourself, your eyes tracing her face, looking at the soft dusting of cinnamon colored freckles over her cheeks that she usually hid under makeup and the nose that always reminded you of your father.

You think about Homelander again. But what did I forget? What about him made me-

Your entire body freezes as you stare at Rosemary's face, the face that you'd looked at for the past forty years.

No. That's impossible-

You can't breathe, can't think. Something cold clamps over your heart the chill soaking into your bones like you've sunk into deep water. All other sounds in the room fade into a muddled haze as you sit there and stare at her, eyes widening, heartbeat beginning to thud loudly in your ears.

Oh. My. Fucking. G-

The mug shatters in your hand, glass and alcohol going everywhere, but you don't feel anything. Only the sense of dread, and the chill that spreads with the coming storm and the understanding of what it is you've forgotten.

And you hoped to God that you were wrong.

*********************************************************

A/N: I'M BACK BABY! Honestly after a week off I am doing alot better. Thank you everyone for the love and support. I hope y'all liked this chapter. It's moving the story right on along and the next chapter is going to be BIG and BLOODY. But we'll make it through.

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[ravencincaide]

When you assume you make an ‘ass’ out of me and you 

Summary: Finding out you’re pregnant, you decide to end things over text. Too bad Chuuya and Dazai were NOT buying your poor excuses. Or the time you made them very happy. 

Pairing: preg! Reader x Dazai x Chuuya

Inspired by Sweetober prompt 5: Embracing 

Warnings: pregnancy, cursing, hint at (kinky) intimacy, 

Enjoy ~

______________________________________________________________

You were feeling like shit. And that was a huge statement considering that you had only ever taken a handful of sick days; turning up to work despite broken bones, staples keeping your skin somewhat together and internal bleeding. Cold was a minor inconvenience and sprained muscles could be forced to function. Ear inflammation was harder but still doable. After all, your job wasn’t all about active field work. A lot of it was information checking online, monitoring people or groups activities through other teams reports or keeping an eye on bank data so your team was within its budget for missions, leisure or other necessities. Damn, it was a miracle how you managed to fix it the last budging year when you had two subordinates who were the definition of shooting maniacs, one chronic alcoholic, and an illiterate clutz who could never find receipts or who somehow switched up numbers in their reports to the point of giving you a heart attack. 

Thereby being away even for a day not only risked your office becoming a shooting range, no work being done, missions delayed however, most importantly, your steady tower of paperwork growing into an unmanageable city. You were on your second week away from the office, with no real prognosis for when you’d feel well enough to be back. And you were dreading going back.

Your boss has turned up a few days prior, had taken a thirty second look at you before you ran to the bathroom throwing up and had essentially three things to say to you while you were hugging the porcelain pony:

“ If it’s a stomach bug, get it cured before you even think about entering the office. If you’re pregnant-” the words had made your head snap up in total shock at a possibility you hadn’t even considered. Seeing as your boss brought it up, clearly she thought that you might be. Maybe not that shocking given that you were fucking more than average “ and want an abortion then hurry up and get it done before its too late. And see you in the office at the end of the month.” You could practically feel the warning look from your boss through the heavy wooden door, threatening you not to sweep this issue under the carpet and to keep her updated. “ If you intend to keep it then get your prenatals in order and see you in three years.” With those words she, being the ever caring friend she was, dropped two packets of pregnancy tests on your desk before leaving you alone. 

When the results came back positive it was not necessarily a shocker. What surprised you more was that the nauseous feeling came as spontaneously as it did and how tired you felt most days. How exhausted thinking, or in your case overthinking, made you. It felt as if that little test, or five, somehow made you grow up overnight. From a carefree young adult doing whatever you wanted, missions, drinking or wild kinky sex you were suddenly expected within the next nine months to become a mother. A responsible and caring adult that would make yourself, your children and your own parents proud. You didn’t know if you were going to succeed with that but you were damn determined to give your baby the best childhood and care you could. And step one in that equation was to remove people out of your life who did not want a serious relationship with you or were interested in raising a baby together. You did not need forced commitment or alimony; what you needed was a partner and a father to your child. And since you were certain your lovers were not up to the role, you were certain you’d do a much better job alone by yourself- as always!  

Still you never expected you would become the kind of trashy person who’d end things over text. You couldn’t understand how people could do it; either talk to the person you want to break up with or do a Dazai and just ghost. This felt too much like attachment issues wrapped in apology for you. Knowing you were already gonna earn a place in hell for it, you typed up a message that you were certain they’d hate you for. Which was perfect in your mind, if you were shooting yourself in the foot by breaking up with two executives who outranked you and your boss by a mile then the least you could do was make sure they wouldn’t unnecessarily seek you out. You’d deal with their revenge on you when you got back from parental leave. 

Thus when the sound of pounding on your door came many hours later you were certain it was your boss again. Either to scold you for the extra workload she got from her bosses thanks to yours truly or to kidnap you to the hospital. Dragging yourself out of bed with a groan you quickly ran a brush through your hair for a more presentable appearance. Giving up on changing out of the t-shirt and shorts you headed for the door, opening it absentmindedly. Too late you realized you should have checked who it was. 

“ What the hell are you two doing here?” You asked, making your meanest look as you crossed your arms over your chest. You were certain it looked more like a chihuahua barking at a rottweiler than anything threatening.

“ Checking if it’s a hostage situation, Bella” You gaped as Chuuya and Dazai brushed past you. Your dark haired ex-lover making his way to your bedroom, hand on the hilt of his gun. Before you could stop him, Chuuya, who was still lingering in the doorway, forced your attention by sticking his phone into your face with your textmessage pulled up on the screen.  

Thank you for this time, I’ve found a better dick. No hard feelings.

“ What is this damned thing?” He asked, his voice far above the usual caring and loving tone he’d use with you. 

“ What does it look like?” You raised your hand and studied the chipped manicure on your nails no longer able to stand the angry and hurt expression on his face. “ I’m breaking up with you, duh.”  

“ Heeh what the hell do you mean by that Y/N? Better dick?” He took a step closer to you, his expression growing darker by the second “ We all know you’re a slut for us, ready to let us do whatever we want to you so stop lying and spit out what’s really going on.” he was gripping your arms tightly. When you refused to look at him he gave you a rough shake in warning. 

“ What the hell-” you caught your exclamation that ‘it hurts’ knowing that it was exactly what he was going for at that moment. “ It’s as I said, I found someone new”

“ How long?!” he didn’t yell but somehow that made it even worse. When you didn’t reply immediately he shook you again “ And what’s so great about this supposed new person.” 

You felt your eyes sting and closed them for a moment, taking a deep breath to steady your nerves. Your next sentence was a hit below the belt; “ They’re actually sweet and caring towards me. Not just after sex.” 

“ Sweetheart-” the look on Chuuya’s face was as if you had slapped him, the arguments caught in his throat. 

You looked away from him, shaking his hands off your shoulders. Your heart was tearing itself in your ribcage, Begging you to stop this nonsense. But you wouldn’t- you couldn’t. You needed to protect the child in your tummy, to shelter them from the constant fighting, every other week visitation, jealousy and screaming. You needed to  prevent them from becoming a pawn in a game called ‘hurt the other parent more’.

“ Sweetheart, do you really believe that-?” Chuuya asked carefully.  

“ -Or is it just that you are pregnant Y/N?” Dazai’s question made you jump, your head snapping in his direction. You could see him leaning against the doorway, an unreadable expression on his face. Damn you hated it when he did that. 

“ I don’t know what you’re talking about '' you lied, back to crossing your arms over your chest. “ I’m done with this conversation so please get out.” 

“ Come on Y/N the cats out of the bag now” Dazai looked almost too pleased with himself as he held up the pregnancy test he had fished out of the trashcan. 

You felt the colour drain from your face. Your mouth opening and closing as your mind raced between forcing them out of your apartment and lying about it, again. 

“ Is it a false positive?” Chuuya asked cautiously, eyeing the brunette. 

“ There are five more in there,” Dazai shrugged, silently telling him to draw his own conclusions, as he took a step towards you. You cursed yourself for not taking the trash out sooner.  

“ Is it ours?” The question made you hang your head in defeat. “ Belladonna is it-” Dazai growled in warning. 

“ Yes” you breathed. You could feel them sharing a look of utter confusion between each other over your head. 

“ Darlin, then why the charades?” 

“ Because you wouldn’t want it!” you screamed at the top of your lungs “ and I- we don’t need a partner out of obligation.”   

Silence lingered in your apartment for a few long moments. You wrapped your arms around yourself. You just wanted them to stop making this harder on you than it already was. Now that they knew the reason for all this, you prayed they wouldn’t cause any more hassle and just silently walk out of the apartment. That they’d walk out of your life and leave you alone. Without any fighting, pity or compromises. Just go, you pleaded silently, before you’d find yourself regretting your decision.   

“ You assumed we wouldn’t want it,” Chuuya corrected you. You raised your head finally facing your lover, ready to scream at him- them to get out. The scream never made it past your lips, his expressing killing any arguments you had left;  you had expected distress or anger on his face, maybe sadness or guilt but all you could see was a bright happy smile. “ And when you assume something you make an ‘ass’ out of me and you. Now come here my sweetheart” he spread his arms out beckoning you for a hug. 

You had never seen that expression on Chuuya’s face. It was as if you had gifted him the sun and moon on a silver platter. You felt all fight fading out of your body, leaving behind just tiredness and longing for his warm embrace.Cautiously you came up to him, breathing a sigh of relief as he hugged you close yet gently to his body, burying his face in your shoulder. “ Oh sweets you’re gonna be a mother- I’m gonna be a father!” 

“ Or uncle” Dazai added unable to stop himself from pushing Chuuya’s buttons“ You’re so cute Chuuya ready to be a dad to my kids”  

“ Shut it mackerel” Chuuya muttered “ You’re just jealous she’s hugging me.” 

“ And you’re just denying the undeniable” 

Chuuya growled in reply before biting back the anger, turning his attention towards you instead. The smile never once leaving his face “ So don’t you dare try and break up with us over this again, ‘kay?” Chuuya moved  back and pressed a kiss to your forehead before brushing your hair out of your eyes “- or you’re welcome to break up with bandages over there”  he teased, making you smile slightly as Dazai let out an annoyed ‘ you dog’. 

Surprisingly the argument didn’t go any further than that. Instead Dazai’s attention was shifting between you in Chuuya’s arms and the little white test still clutched between his fingers before he finally broke the silence:“ By the way Belladonna have you had your doctors visit yet? To ensure the little one is fine.”

You sighed, shaking your head a no. “ I haven’t really got around to it yet” 

“ That won’t do!” Chuuya cried pulling back from you instantly, his hand already dialing his subordinates, while he was walking towards the door then turning around and pacing back into your room“ Yes I need you to find the best prenatal care doctor in Yokohoma- yes directly I don’t care how much they charge- Sweetheart where is your insurance and identification card?” 

You blinked as he stopped in front of you, blue eyes staring at you intensely “ umm In the kitchen, furthest cupboard to the right- top draw. Should be under the travel pamphlet.” Before you could finish your sentence he was already out of the room going to hunt for your documents. 

Still you could hear him talking on the phone, beginning to list a bunch of things he wanted delivered to your place within the next fifteen minutes; childcare books, research on food that was safe to eat during pregnancy, alcohol- he was clear to specify it was for himself- and some safe alcohol free options.

“ - and prepare statistics on best child care facilities in Yokohama, and broker offers for all the housing around those areas -and–” 

“ Chuuya don't just start randomly buying things” you yelled, staring to follow behind him pausing only when a very gentle hand wrapped itself around your wrist. In fact you were half way pulling out of the touch before your mind registered it. The unusual softness surprised you. Usually Dazai was unapologetically rough during sex; unafraid to slap, hit or even whip you and it was Chuuya who showed you in butterfly touches, kisses over bruised skin and soft embraces.

“ Let him be Y/N” Dazai stated, his voice sounding strange in your ears. His hand falling away from your wrist the instant you turned to face him. You could see that his head was bowed, his hair covering his eyes from you. Sometime during your and Chuuya’s embrace he had moved to sit down on a nearby chair. Wordlessly he patted his lap, silently asking you to sit down instead of the usual act of just pulling you into it. You looked at him skeptically as you took your place on his lap. The moment you did he buried his face in your shoulder, his arms pausing inches above your skin as if you’d shatter in his arms if he touched you.. 

“ Are you okay?” You asked as you urged him closer, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Taking it as permission he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you carefully to his chest, burying his face in your hair. He held you like that for a few moments, totally silent but for an almost unnoticeable shake of his shoulders “ Dazai, are you crying?” 

His response was to bring you even closer

“ Dazai, are you okay?” You asked again with more worry in your voice. He hushed you, stroking your hair. You were starting to panic at his reaction, your mind racing so much that you almost missed his answer to your previous question; 

“ I’m more ‘okay’ than ever, Y/N”

[d4yl1ghts]

i’m the one with an irregular heartbeat

denny duquette x grey, pregnant, fem!reader

summary: you worry about the effects of carrying a patient’s baby but denny reassures you

warnings: pregnancy, mentions of abortion

-

You forced the eggs that your sister, Meredith, had cooked down your throat. She wasn’t the best cook. You sighed to yourself, you’d found yourself feeling nauseous lately.

Suddenly you felt your eggs coming back up and ran to the closest bathroom. Meredith heard you sprint out and hastily followed you. “You okay?”, she asked as she held your hair back whilst you retched over the toilet. “Yeah. It’s probably just food poisoning from those eggs.”, you joked. Meredith glared at you. “I am not a bad cook!”, she defended. “Then why am I throwing up after I ate them?”, you questioned teasingly. “I don’t know, there could be many causes for that. You should know that as a doctor, Y/N.”, she said as she glanced at you. “Like pregnancy, for example.”, she added as she watched you scrunch your eyebrows.

“Please… as if I’m pregnant.”, you chuckled quietly to yourself. Meredith just gave you a pointed look. “Have you had sex recently?”, she asked. “Right, whatever, I have to go to work.”, you ignored her questioning and rolled your eyes. She walked after you. “I’ll take you.”, she offered. You knew she was going to use this as a chance to find out more information but you didn’t mind having a ride and so you accepted.

As Meredith finally parked the car, you picked up your pace to avoid more of her annoying questions that she had been asking you on the way here. Bailey had assigned you to rounds yet your current priority was finding the pregnancy tests.

You gently closed the door behind you as you entered a supply closet. You glanced around the shelves, hoping for some indication of where one could be. There had to be some in a hospital surely. You were rifling through all the boxes you could find when you heard someone open the door.

“Oh, um, hey Y/N.”, Alex mumbled. “Oh, hi.”, you replied awkwardly. “Why are you in here? Aren’t you meant to be doing rounds?”, Alex asked as he rustled around the boxes. “Yeah. I’m just here… what are you doing here?”, you decided to redirect the conversation. “I’m looking for some supplies for a patient. So, what are you actually looking for because there’s a bunch of boxes all over the place in here?”, he questioned as he looked around the messy closet. “Okay, fine. I’m looking for a pregnancy test. Do you know where I can find one? Also, please don’t tell anyone!”, you said in one breath.

“Oh.”, Alex muttered. “Yeah, I don’t think they’re in here. Do you want me to go and fetch you one? Then they won’t know who it’s for.”, he kindly responded. “That would be amazing. Thank you, Alex.”, you smiled at him softly.

Five minutes later, Alex returned with three pregnancy tests. “Thank you so much!”, you hugged him. “How can I repay you?”, you asked. “Do all my charts for the next two weeks.”, he stated as he smirked at you. “Fine.”, you rolled your eyes with annoyance. “You can’t tell anyone about this though.”, you added. “I promise I won’t.”, he said genuinely.

“Do you want me to like wait with you whilst you do it or-“, he asked quietly as he walked to the bathroom with you. “If that’s okay with you. You have work to do, do you not though?”, you reciprocated. “Yeah but it’s not much. Everyone else is busy doing important things and you look like you need someone to be here with you.”, he replied honestly and sweetly. Alex had a soft spot for you. He was like a brother that you never had. He acted like he was hard-core but really he was a teddy bear beneath the disguise.

You quickly went into the toilet stall and took all of the tests and you had snuck them back out into the supply closet as you wanted Alex to look at it for you but he couldn’t really go into the toilets or do it in the middle of the corridor. “The timer is up.”, Alex said to you. “Can you look?”, you quietly spoke. “Sure.”

Alex rapidly flipped them all over and you could faintly see the plus sign on them all. “Shit.”, you muttered to yourself. You abruptly broke down into tears and Alex pulled you into him. “You’ll be okay.”, he said into your hair. His pager went off. “911.”, he said out loud. “Sorry, Y/N. They need me in the pit. Will you be okay up here?”, he glanced at you with concern. “Yeah, go.”, you said and he looked at you sadly before going.

You knew that Denny Duquette was the father. You hadn’t slept with anyone else recently. You couldn’t believe this. Ellis Grey’s daughter was pregnant with a patient’s baby. You wandered up to Denny’s room, you couldn’t keep this a secret, you’d die from guilt. As you made your way up in the elevator, Meredith just so happened to walk in. “How are you? I haven’t seen you since this morning.”, she asked. “I’m fine.”, you replied as you avoided eye contact. She sighed as she looked at you. You finally looked her in the eyes. “I’m pregnant.”, you said as tears blurred your vision.

Fortunately, it was only the two of you in the elevator. She took you into her arms carefully. You and Mer had always been especially close due to your little age gap. Now you were full on sobbing as you glanced at her regretfully. “The father is a patient, Mer!”, you whispered angrily. She stared at you. “Who?”, she asked cautiously. “Denny.”, you simply stated. “This is so bad, Mer. Imagine what people will say when they find out that Ellis Grey’s daughter is pregnant with a patient’s child.”, you added as more tears streamed down your cheeks.

“It will be okay, Y/N. You don’t have to keep it nor do you have to make that choice now.”, she calmed you as she held you in her arms. “I do think you should tell Denny though. He deserves to know. I’m sure he’ll be happy.”, she stated. You huffed as the elevator came to a halt at the level Denny was staying at. “See you.”, you said as you sniffled lightly. She gently smiled at you.

You purposely walked slower than usual to save yourself some time to think of how to announce this. You were shocked, you and Denny had only had sex once. Before long, you had arrived outside of his room. He saw you and waved you in and smirked at you charmingly as he pulled you closer to him. He noticed your nervousness as you okayed with your fingers. “What’s wrong, baby?”, he questioned as he took your hands and pulled you against his chest where he could feel your pounding heart. “You know that I’m the one with an irregular heartbeat, right?”, he said playfully, hoping to calm you down. You closed the blinds and the door. “Denny… I’m pregnant.”, you blurted out.

“Really?”, he asked excitedly. “Yeah.”, you answered. “Is that a good or bad thing?”, he looked at you tenderly. “I’m not sure yet.”, you said. “Okay.”, he replied. “I don’t mind what you choose, Y/N. You can keep it or not. I don’t mind as long as I have you.”, he smiled cheekily at you as he kissed your lips lovingly.

[rapz-rites]

Oh Baby

Damian Wayne x Reader established relationship

Jon Kent x Reader (Platonic)

You’re not telling Damian something, and he thinks it’s that you're cheating

A/N: A lovely anon requested this. I hope you like it and feel free to send more requests or even message me.

Word Count: 2k+

Warnings: misunderstandings, pregnancy, secrets 

You and Damian met sophomore year at Gotham Academy. You were in most of his classes. But he never truly paid any mind to you until your government class. It was a small class of 15 students. 

Your government teacher was holding a class mock debate. 3 students would ask questions as there were 3 topics of discussion. The rest of the students would pair off into 2s and prepare on all the 3 topics as it would be random and no one would know which topic they might get. 

“The three topics of debate will be abortion, racial discrimination, and immigration. And the 3 question leads will be Marcus, Catelyn, and Luca. Everyone else, pair up.”

Girls immediately started surrounding Damian and the boys with you. Damian saw how uncomfortable you were with the boys' awful advances at you. He continued to ignore the girls and walked to you. 

“You can leave. I’m partnered with Y/N.”

Everyone was confused. Even the teacher. Damian never willingly chose to work with anyone. But you decided to take advantage of the opportunity before it went away. 

“Yup. It’s true. So all can go now.” With that, you waved them off and Damian took a seat next to you. 

Everyone else paired off and the teacher started talking. She explained the instructions for the debate and the rubric as it would be graded. 

“There are 15 minutes left of class. You have this time to yourselves, use it wisely.”

You turned to Damian.

“When do you want to start working on the project? I'm available after school today to work in the library.”

“I can't today. I am tomorrow though. Let's exchange numbers.”

And that's how it started. The next day, you and Damian started going to the library after school and texted about the assignment. Even after the in class debate you two would talk. 

Damian found you more tolerable than the rest of the kids at Gotham, and much smarter. He started hanging out with you more and more. In and out of school, obviously without his brothers knowing. 

Eventually, he asked you out, you said yes, and both of you started dating. It’s been over 2 years since. You both have a lot into the relationship. You and Damian opened up to each other. He gave you his trust, which is difficult for him, and you gave him your virginity. 

Though Damian wasn’t your first boyfriend or kiss, he was your first time. And you were happy about it. Even though it was a bit awkward, especially at the beginning, he made it special for you. He would ask if you were ok with something, how you felt, and he just took care of you. Something you never truly had with past boyfriends. 

“Oh my gosh!”

You and Damian only had sex 2 times, both in the past 6 months. Damian took care of you after and you peed.  You were both safe and used protection. That's why you couldn't understand the 3 positive pregnancy tests. 

“No. It can't be.”

You suddenly started crying, collapsing on the bathroom floor of your one-bedroom apartment. 

Since then you haven't been the same. After a few days of thinking, you decided that you would keep the baby. You lost your parents at 15, in an accident. They were wealthy. They had a mansion on the outskirts of Gotham, just like all the other socialites, and a condo near your school. In their passing your parents left everything in your name. You refused to go in the system. You were able to convince your old nanny to become your legal guardian, at least until you could get emancipated. You’ve always wanted a family anyways

You had to tell Damian. Your mind had been running through any possible reactions you'd get from Damian once you told him. Best case scenario he accepts it and decides to stay with you and be a father to the baby. Worst case, he leaves you and you have to raise the baby all by yourself. 

Damian noticed your odd behavior. You were secretive, jittery and would always make excuses not to hang out with him. 

“Sorry, I have a test coming up and need to study. I'll text you” you would say. But you never texted. 

“I'm volunteering this afternoon. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you.” You kissed him goodbye on his cheek and walked away

You did the same to your friends. He didn't understand why. Did he do something wrong?

Keeping your pregnancy a secret was eating you alone. You had to tell someone. So you texted someone you could trust. 

You: Hey. Are you busy? I really need someone right now. 

Suddenly there was a gust of wind in your condo. Before you stood Jon Kent. Before you could even speak, that’s when he heard it. Not one, but 2 heart beats. Before you can even process him getting into your place, he hugs and spins you. 

“Oh my gosh! Congratulations!” He smiles from ear to ear. “Wait. I probably should be spinning you.”

Once he put you down he started looking around. Where’s Damian? How come he isn’t here telling me with you? That’s when you started to break down crying. 

“He doesn’t know. And I don’t know how to tell him.” You say hiccupping. Jon just comforted you until you stopped crying. You explained everything to him. 

“You have to tell him at some point. He probably thinks that you're avoiding him because he did something wrong. But I'm here for you.” You hugged him crying. 

“Sorry, it's the hormones.”

For the next 2 weeks, Jon comes to visit you whenever he gets the chance. No one knew.

Clark and Bruce had to collaborate on some League business. So, he and Jon would be staying in Gotham for a few days. 

Jon was heading out when he passed the kitchen 

“Hey Jon” said Dick. 

Damian was paying no mind to them. He was testing you, hoping he could see you today. 

D💚: Hello Beloved

Beloved💜: Hiii Dami

D💚: Are you available today?

Beloved💜: I’m sorry I can’t 😕

                     I promised Layla we could hang out today

                     We can hang out tomorrow tho

                     Pinkie Promise 🤞

D💚: Okay 🤞

         Have fun and be safe

Beloved💜: I will try

                    Won’t be much fun without you 😚

Once, at school you were texting Jon. You were stressing over telling Damian for the 4th time that day… It was only 11 am. And you were spamming him phone

Jon 🦸🏻: OMG

            We’re both at school go learn or something

            My parents are going on a date tonight so I’ll try to swing by

Y/N🤞🏾: ok ok

           See you tonight

“Hey Beloved. Who were you texting?” Damian came up to you. You quickly closed messages and put your phone in your pocket. 

“Hey Damian. It was Layla.” You responded hesitantly. “It’s nothing really but I have to go. I have to study before my test next period” You kissed him goodbye on his cheek and rushed off. 

He knew you weren’t texting Layla, he just saw her a few moments ago when he was looking for you. She told him that you were probably at your locker. Before he went to look for you she told him to tell you that her phone died last period. 

Why were you lying and hiding stuff from him? Damian didn’t want to think it, but were you cheating on him?

Damian looked up from his phone to notice Jon wasn’t there anymore. 

“Where did Jon go?” Damian asked. 

“He said he was going to meet up with ‘a friend’, but it’s obvious he’s meeting with a girl/boy the way he was nervous.” Dick responded

“We should follow him,” Jason spoke up. Damian didn’t know why he was here. Jason wasn’t too fond of staying at the manor. Usually, he would do whatever business he had, get food from Alfred then leave. 

“Sure. Why not” said Tim. Damian forgot he was here. But they all agreed. 

You hated lying to Damian. You decided that when you were going to see him tomorrow, you were going to tell him the truth, everything. You were meeting with Jon to get everything ready to tell Damian everything tomorrow.

Incoming Call: Jon 🦸🏻

You immediately picked up. You were sitting in a booth at yours and damian fav coffee shop. Damian thought that they had these great muffins that tasted even better the day after, so you were going to get him some.

You told Layla about your pregnancy after you told Jon. She was very upset with you. That you didn’t tell her first. 

“I can’t believe it. I mean I can because between both of us, you would have kids and I would be the hot, rich aunt that they love.”

You laughed at her little rant on how your kid would call her “Auntie Lay” and she would bring gifts every time she saw them. How she would have a room for them to crash at her place for when they're a teen and they get mad at you, or they just want to spend time with their auntie. 

“Thank you,” you said as you got up and hugged her “for being here for me. I don't know what I would do without you and Jon”

You were so glad that you had Jon and Layla. 

Jon was walking up to the coffee shop when he saw your call.

“Hey Jon. Layla and I are at the shop, where are you?”

“I’m across the street I’m heading in now.”

Jon didn’t realize the boys were following him. They were confused as to why Jon was at this coffee shop. He had never been there before. 

The boys watched Jon walk in and waited. Eventually, he would come out with whoever he's been secretly meeting up with for weeks. 

Being the type they are, they didn't notice Layla coming out of the shop and getting into her car. She was waiting for you and Jon to go back to your place. 

“He's coming out now,” Dick said excitedly. They all froze in anticipation. What they didn’t expect was to see you walking out after him. 

Damian's heart was breaking. You were secretly meeting up with Jon and cheating on him behind his back. How could you? He kept watch in hopes he was wrong. 

You walked out with a light brown paper bag in hand. You were struggling to seal it without dropping it. That’s when Jon took it from you and sealed it himself. They didn’t have audio but they had visuals. They could say thank you to him.

“Thank you my hero,” you said with a small giggle. Suddenly your face was serious. 

“What if- What if even if Damian accepts this, he won’t regret it later? He won’t think we ruined his life?” 

You started tearing up. From the angle the boys were at they couldn’t see your face. Jon hugged you. 

“Shhh it’s going to be fine.”

“What if he thinks I’m trying to baby trap him and he'll end up hating me?”

You were about to cry when Jon took your face into his hands. You were like the sister he never had. He hated to see you cry. 

“Listen to me. Damian could never hate you. He loves you.”

You nodded and hugged him again. That’s when Damian’s heart truly shattered. 

“I can’t read lips that well but I saw something along the lines of ‘I love you’” Dick said. Damian took off is “disguise”, it was just a hat and sunglasses.

“So she's cheating on me?” Anyone could hear the pain in his voice, even Jon did. 

Jon suddenly let go of you, and turned to look at Damian. He could see the pain written all over his face. Even though mind reading wasn’t a Kryptonian power, he knew what he was thinking: that you were cheating on him with him. 

You were confused. You moved over to see what Jon was looking at. That's when you saw Damian with his brothers. Now he was looking at you.

“Oh no.”

Part 2

So… what do y’all think??? Please let me know.

[worth-the-chaos]

Adventures in Babysitting - Steve Harrington x female!reader - Chapter 10

Chapter Summary: The Russian invasion and the upside down begin to merge as you meet up with the rest of the crew. You are in the fight of your lives as you scramble to try to stop the monstrous creature from the upside down before it destroys you.

Content Warning: violence, upside down, swearing

Word Count: 5.8k

Author’s Note: I hope you enjoy this chapter. Right now I can’t decide if I should start on season 4 or if it would maybe be best to pick up the story after season 5 drops since it ended on such a cliffhanger. Let me know what you think!

Series Masterlist | Chapter 9 | Next Part

***

The five of you exited the bathroom quietly, merging with the crowd leaving the movie to blend in, hoping that no Russians would find you. Your eyes darted around, scanning for any potential threat as you made your way through the crowd. There were so many people, you were beginning to feel claustrophobic. Suddenly, you felt a hand grab your arm, and your heart jumped to your throat as you turned around and prepared for the worst.

You were met with the concerned eyes of a stranger. You recognized him from somewhere, but right now you couldn’t quite place it. You wriggled free from his grasp as he opened his mouth to speak.

“Hey, are you okay? What happened to you?”

“Oh, I’m fine…yeah, I-I just got into a bit of a…car accident a couple of days ago—while I was out of town!” You quickly added at the end. Hawkins was a small enough town that any car accidents would certainly be reported. He looked skeptical and opened his mouth to speak again, but you quickly cut him off, “I really have to be going now.”

Without another word, you slipped through the crowd, putting more distance between yourself and the boy while you tried to connect the dots to figure out where you knew him from. It finally dawned on you as your mind flashed back to the Hellfire Club shirt he was wearing under his leather jacket. It was Eddie Munson. You never got the chance to really talk to him at school, mainly knowing him via the rumors that circulated around about him being bad news.

“Y/n! Where were you?” Steve whisper-shouted as you finally made your way next to him. His mind had flashed to the worst case scenario when you were no longer beside him, and he was ready to fight tooth and nail to find you.

“I just fell behind a little bit…sue me,” you rolled your eyes, trying to stay casual. You didn’t want to tell him about how Eddie had noticed that you were injured. The more low-profile you stayed right now, the better.

“Alright, we just need to get on the bus with the rest of these people, and home sweet home, here we come,” Dustin spoke up. No sooner had he said the words did you recall a very important detail from your conversation with the Russians.

“Uh, Dustin?” You spoke up hesitantly, “yeah, we might not wanna go to your house.”

“Why?”

“Well, I might’ve told them your full name,” Steve spoke up sheepishly. He felt really guilty about it, but he couldn’t really go back and undo it.

“What is wrong with you?!” Dustin seethed, exasperated with the idiot that his babysitter was somehow in love with against all odds.

“Dude, I was drugged.”

“So? You resist! You tough it out like a man!”

“Oh yeah, that’s easy for you to say,” you rolled your eyes as you came to Steve’s defense. You were in the same position that he had been in and you knew for a fact that you had “toughed it out” and it didn’t make a damn difference with that shit in your system.

“Guys,” Robin spoke up hesitantly. You noticed men dressed in black, checking bags as people left the mall. You immediately could tell that they weren’t some low level mall security guys…these were Russians. One of them turned and made direct eye contact with you and your heart began to race again, mind flashing back to what it was like to be tied up in that underground facility.

“Abort! Abort!” Dustin yelled as you all turned to run the other way. You darted to the escalator, hopping up on the divider between the two and sliding down to the lower level. As you entered the food court, you jumped the counter to one of the various food stands, gesturing for your friends to join you.

“Come on!” You shouted. They swiftly moved behind the counter and the five of you sat with your backs to it as you listened to the footsteps of the Russian guards. Steve’s hand gently began to interlock with yours and you held on tightly, trying to ease the panic that was settling in your chest.

“Y/n, we’re gonna be okay—I’m gonna make sure of it,” he leaned in, his lips brushing against your ear as he whispered ever so quietly. You turned towards him, fear in your eyes as you whispered back.

“I don’t know what to do Steve. It’s not like they’re going to give up,” you started, “they’ll leave when we’re dead.”

Your suspicions seemed to be confirmed as you heard footsteps approaching. It sounded like there was more than one of them, indicating to you that they had found your hiding spot. Your breathing picked up as you braced yourself for the worst. The footsteps stopped and a silence fell across the mall. You squeezed your eyes shut as a single tear ran down your cheek.

Suddenly, a car alarm began blaring loudly, causing you to nearly jump out of your skin. You heard the sound of metal being crushed, and you imagined the car flipping as you felt the ground reverberate with each thud of the vehicle against the tiled food court floor. Slowly, but surely, the five of you peaked out over the counter, taking in the sight of the four Russian guards, presumably dead on the floor.

You looked around, taking in the sight of the crashed car before your eyes finally caught sight of Eleven on the railing. The rest of the kids were with her, as well as Nancy and Jonathan. The seven of them ran down the escalator, meeting you in the middle of the mall.

“What are you doing here?!” Lucas yelled at Erica and you cringed knowing it was on you for putting the Sinclair girl in harm’s way.

“Ask them, it’s their fault!” She pointed at you and Steve.

“True, yeah. Totally true; absolutely our fault,” Steve quickly fessed up, not wanting it to turn into a huge argument.

“I don’t understand what happened to that car,” Robin interjected, her eyes wide as she tried and failed to understand the physics of it all.

“El has superpowers,” Dustin answered simply.

“I’m sorry?” Robin responded, clearly dumbfounded by the boy’s explanation. This was the first time in a while that you realized how ridiculous everything that you had went through in the past two years sounded.

“Superpowers. She threw it with her mind. C’mon, catch up,” Steve rolled his eyes.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Nancy asked looking at Robin.

“I’m Robin. I work with Steve and y/n.”

“She cracked the top secret code,” you chimed in.

“Yeah, which is how we found out about the Russians,” Steve continued.

“Russians? What Russians?” Jonathan asked confused.

“The Russians!” Steve shouted back.

“Those were Russians?” Max spoke up. Clearly you had all be dealing with different shit and after several miscommunications later, you were still trying to catch everyone up on the latest dangers pervading Hawkins. Suddenly, El collapsed to the floor, quickly ending your very confused conversation as Mike ran over to her followed by the rest of you.

“El! What’s wrong?!” He asked.

“My leg. My leg,” she whimpered, as tears began to run from her eyes. Her face was twisted in pain and your heart ached for her. Nancy unwrapped her wound and you all realized that there was something in her leg, watching as it writhed and slithered underneath her very infected looking skin. She began screaming out in pain and Mike continued to talk to her, desperately worried for his girlfriend.

“Keep her talking, keep her awake, okay?” You looked at everyone before darting off to a storefront in the food court. You pulled several drawers open, desperately looking for anything you could use to remove whatever that thing was crawling in the poor girls leg. You finally gathered a knife, a wooden spoon, and gloves, turning on a burner to the stove and sterilizing the kitchen knife in the flame.

You sprinted back over to the group, who had repositioned El, propping her up. “Okay. Alright, El? This is gonna hurt like hell, okay?” You spoke to her softly.

“Okay,” she gasped in pain.

“I need you to stay very still for me. You’re gonna want to bite down on this,” you handed Mike the wooden spoon and he placed it gently in her mouth, her teeth already biting down on the handle as she cried in pain. Everyone was terrified, and your heart was beating wildly. You didn’t know what the hell you were doing, but given all the weird ass shit you’d been through, you knew you had to get whatever the hell it was win her leg out.

You pressed the knife to her shin, drawing it downwards to make an incision, wincing greatly as she cried out in pain. “I’m so sorry, El,” you breathed out, taking your gloved hand and sinking it into the incision. El screamed out while everyone else exclaimed in disgust. Your eyes started watering and tears began to cloud your vision as you attempted to feel for the thing writhing under her skin but to no such avail.

“No! Stop it!” Eleven dropped the spoon and began yelling at you. You quickly pulled your hand away and scooted back. “I can do it.”

Your heart broke at how pained her voice sounded, and she held up her hand above the broken skin. The slug came back to life as it began to slither across the side of her calf, moving closer towards the incision. She screamed and the storefront windows behind you shattered. Steve and Robin backed up as you darted forward, shielding kids’ heads from the glass raining down.

Eleven finally pulled the creature out of her leg and the sight of it made you immediately nauseous. It looked like a mess of bone and flesh and blood, and she tossed it across the mall from you. It began to skitter away before being quickly smashed under the shoe of the one and only Jim Hopper.

While everybody stared at Jim and Joyce and Murray, you rushed to El’s side, pulling her into a tight hug and cradling her head. She cried in exhaustion as she held onto you. “Shhhh, it’s okay; everything’s going to be okay,” you whispered into her hair, trying to calm her down. You were crying too, tears silently falling down your face as you rubbed soothing circles across her back.

By the looks of it, the three adults had experienced some shit too, and you were afraid of what they had to say as they approached the rest of you.

How much more complicated could all this shit get?

***

After about fifteen minutes of explaining, you were all on at least slightly the same page. It was difficult to wrap your head around it all. It was difficult to imagine all of the people that Hawkins had just quietly lost, disappearing over a matter of days.

“Okay, so, just to be clear, this…big fleshy monster thing that hurt El, it’s some kind of gigantic…weapon?” Steve asked, feeling the need to clarify what he had heard.

“Yes,” Nancy answered. Knowing that her and Steve dated often made you feel small in her presence. Especially since things hadn’t ended quite amicably between them.

“But instead of, like, screws and metal, the mind flayer made its weapon…out of melted people.

“Yes, exactly,” Nancy replied again, her tone indicating that she was a bit tired with his clarifying questions.

“Yeah, okay, just making sure.”

“Are we sure this thing is still out there? Still alive?” Joyce asked. You were grateful the adults were here. Something told you that if you tried to tell any other grown ups about all this messed up shit, no one would believe you. You were glad you at least had the chief of police and probably the most badass mom in all of Hawkins on your side.

“El beat the shit out of it, but yeah, it’s still alive,” Max confirmed.

“But if we close the gate again—“ Will spoke up.

“We cut the brain off from the body, and we kill it…theoretically,” Lucas finished his thought. Hopper looked hesitant and you felt the same way. It seemed like all of you kept going through all of this shit just for it to come back. You were damn tired of it coming back.

“Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!” Murray Bauman’s voice rang out, cutting off your doomsday thinking. He frantically waved papers in the air and pulled Hopper and Joyce aside to explain the maps he’d drawn up of the Russian facility. You hovered behind him, noticing how crudely drawn they were, knowing that his estimates were far off.

“…I don’t know the scale on this, but I think it’s fairly close to the vault room…maybe fifty feet or so,” Murray finished explaining the location of the gate. You scoffed trying to bite back a chuckle at how grossly he’d miscalculated.

“More like five hundred,” Erica chimed in, “What, you’re just gonna waltz in there like it’s commie Disneyland or something?”

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Murray spat at the young girl. Geez, he could use some lessons in babysitting, you thought as you rolled your eyes at his condescension.

“Erica Sinclair. Who are you?” She shot back and you couldn’t help but smile. Sometimes her sass really did pay off…so long as it wasn’t directed at you.

“Murray…Bauman,” he answered, his voice trailing off as he wondered why he was even entertaining her question.

“Listen Mr. Bunman, I’m not trying to tell you how to do things, but I’ve been down in that shit hole for twenty four hours. And with all due respect, you do what this man tells you, you’re all gonna die.”

“I’m sorry, why is this four-year-old speaking to me?”

“Um, I’m ten, you bald bastard,” Erica shot back. You grabbed her shoulders to settle her down.

“Erica!” Lucas scolded.

“Just the facts!” She defended herself.

“She’s right. You’re all gonna die, but you don’t have to. Sorry, may I?” Dustin asked as he sat down with the map. “It’s a bit of a maze down there but between me and Erica, we can show you the way.”

“You can show us the way?” Hopper asked incredulously.

“Don’t worry, you can do all the fighting and dangerous hero shit, and we’ll just be your…navigators,” Dustin assured the man. You couldn’t believe that was even a genuine suggestion the boy had, as you pushed past Hopper, slamming your hands down on the table causing Dustin to jump.

“No way in hell. Literally over my dead body,” you shouted, “what the fuck has gotten into you? I can’t believe you would just—”

Hopper quickly cut you off, putting his hands on your shoulders. “Cool it, okay?” He reminded you before turning to Dustin. “She’s right though. Absolutely no way in hell.”

Hopper moved to start gathering materials and you moved to join Steve as he sat on the countertop of one of the restaurants. “This is all pretty batshit crazy,” you spoke up, hugging your knees to your chest.

“It really is,” he sighed looking around at everyone prepping for the worst. “I mean, I just don’t know how we keep getting ourselves into all this shit, you know?”

“I think we just care too much,” you answered laughing. He chuckled back and there was a pause, both of your minds elsewhere as you tried to process all the shit that was inevitably about to go down.

“Hey,” you spoke up again. He looked up at you and you took in the sight of his bruised eye and his busted lip. “Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“What you said earlier…did you really mean it?” You held your breath as his lips turned up into a small smirk.

“Every word,” he responded simply. When you didn’t really smile in return, he was quick to speak up, sliding towards you as he grabbed your hand. “Y/n, what’s wrong?”

“I just…I-I don’t wanna be another one of your girls,” you repeated the sentiment from your fight earlier, but this time it wasn’t accompanied by seething rage. Instead, it was born of pain and fear. Fear that you weren’t enough for him. Fear that he would leave you. Steve’s heart sank and he wished that he could go back and erase his mistakes, but he couldn’t. What he could do was fix them though.

“Y/n, you’re not just ‘another one of my girls.’ I wish you would understand that,” he started, looking you in the eyes with so much sincerity that you felt compelled to look away, but you didn’t. “You are the girl y/n. I don’t want any of those other girls….I mean, why would I when I have the perfect one right in front of me?”

“But, that’s the thing…I’m not perfect,” you countered as you began to tear up. “I yell at you all the time, and-and I get you into these fucked up situations, not to mention the amount of times you’ve gotten the shit beat out of you so that I don’t get the shit beat out of me, and I’m not pretty like the other girls you talk to and—“

“Woah, woah, woah! Y/n, are you kidding me? You’re fucking gorgeous! Those other girls don’t even come close to how amazing you are. And there’s no one I’d rather get the shit kicked out of me for than you, okay? I need you to understand that,” Steve pleaded. You leaned into him, wrapping your arms around his neck as you held him close. He placed a kiss to your temple, and you held onto each other like that until Hopper came up to the two of you, speaking suddenly and causing you to jump.

“Hey, here,” he said tossing a set of keys that Steve barely caught in time, “I need you to take the kid to his dumbass radio or whatever.”

“Of course, yeah we can do that,” Steve replied hopping off the counter as he reached a hand out to help you down.

“Good…and you two—you’re, uh, being safe, right?” Hopper suddenly asked. You looked at him quizzically, unsure what his line of questioning was getting at before he added, “you know, we don’t need any more kids running around here complicating shit.”

You felt your entire face heat up as you caught on to what he was implying before Steve quickly spoke up, “No—I mean, yes! Wait, no. It’s just, we’re not…we’re not you know—“

“We’re not engaging in any activities that would add to the population,” you answered for Steve, rolling your eyes at Hopper’s intrusive question as you added, “so you don’t have anything to worry about in that department.”

The look Hopper gave you told you that he wasn’t buying what you were selling, and you rolled your eyes again, pulling Steve behind you as you grabbed Robin, Erica, and Dustin, heading out to the parking lot. When Steve saw the car he would be driving, his face lit up and suddenly he didn’t mind being on babysitting duty anymore.

“Oh, man, now this…this is what I’m talkin’ about!”

“‘Toddfather’?” You read the license plate, thinking about how stupid men were.

“Oh, screw Todd! Steve’s her daddy now!” The boy exclaimed as he hopped in the driver’s seat.

“Did you just talk about yourself in the third person?” You asked incredulously.

“Did he just call himself daddy?” Robin added, her question focusing on the more outrageous aspect of Steve’s statement. Steve ignored both of you as he peeled out of the parking lot, chuckling as he honked the horn a couple of times.

“This isn’t a joyride! We’re trying to be inconspicuous here!” You reminded him, a scowl etched on his face.

“Sorry,” he replied but he couldn’t quite wipe the smile off of his face. He thought about how perfect this moment would be if the world wasn’t basically ending…and there weren’t three other people in the car. Just him and the girl of his dreams in a fancy ass convertible, driving as if they had all the time in the world.

Time passed and the glee that Steve was once filled with dissipated, as he continued down the same road for what felt like forever.

“How far away is this place?” He asked Dustin, frustrated and hoping that the boy was relaying the right directions.

“Relax, we’re almost there.”

“This Suzie girl must be pretty special if you lugged this thing all the way out here just to talk to her,” you spoke up, turning around as you smiled at the boy behind you. The young love was pretty cute, you had to admit…even if Henderson was a pain in the ass.

“I mean, nobody’s scientifically perfect, but Suzie’s about as close to being perfect as is humanly possible,” Dustin smiled back at you as he explained.

“She sound made up to me. She sound made up to you?” Erica chimed in, unable to believe the fact that the annoying boy to her left could possibly have pulled a girl as perfect as he was describing. No one said anything, and Dustin’s face twisted into a frown as he looked to Steve.

“Why are you hesitating, Steve?”

“I’m—I’m—I’m not! I’m not! I think she sounds real. You know, totally, absolutely real,” Steve spoke up.

“Left! Turn left!” Dustin suddenly yelled out.

“There’s not a road here?” You replied, turning in your seat to look back at the boy.

“Turn left now!”

Steve cut the wheel hard and you slid in your seat, grateful for the seatbelt holding you in place as you shrieked and Steve began ascending the unpaved hill. The ride was bumpy and as gravity began to work against you, you could feel the car beginning to struggle.

“We’re not going to make it!” You shouted at Steve.

“Yes we are! Come on, baby, come on!” The car stopped as its wheels spun. Steve kept revving the engine, but to no avail.

“Guess the Toddfather has its limitations,” Robin spoke up from the backseat. Steve scowled, putting the car in park as you all got out, walking the rest of the way to Dustin’s radio.

As Dustin gave Murray directions, things were pretty boring for you, Steve, and Robin. You had been drugged during the time the kids were moving through the ducts, so you weren’t useful in navigating. So, you laid on your back staring up at the stars as you waited. Being so far away from Hawkins made them easier to see, and you took a deep breath as you reveled in the moment of calmness, trying to forget about the horrors you were facing, just for a minute.

Your moment of tranquility ended sooner than you had expected, as you heard Steve’s voice ring out. “Hey guys.”

You immediately shot up, joining him as he looked down the hill. You could see all of Hawkins from here and the lights on the mall were going ballistic. You all ran back towards the radio and Dustin screamed into the transmitter. “Griswold Family, this is Scoops Troop! Do you copy? Over!”

You heard a monstrous shriek over the radio as an inhuman scream ripped through the air around you. Dustin kept repeating his call over the radio but it was no use. They were in deep shit back at Starcourt.

Steve got up, sprinting away and you were right on his tail as Erica shouted at you. “Where are you going?!”

“To get them the hell outta there!” Steve shouted back.

“Stay here, contact the others!” You yelled, following Steve to the car.

“Stay in touch,” Robin tossed you a walkie talkie, letting you know that she’d keep the kids safe and far from danger as you hopped into the passenger seat. Steve took off down the hill and you gripped to anything you could hold onto as he drove recklessly back towards the mall.

“Steve, I’m scared,” you spoke up, gripping the armrest of your seat.

“I know, y/n. I am too,” he replied, “but if I know anything about the two of us—after all this shit we’ve been through—it’s that we’ve got this, okay? So we’re gonna get them and get the hell out.” You took a deep breath as he said it, nodding. You drove the rest of the way in silence, trying to control your breathing as you psyched yourself up for the hell you were about to face. Steve described it so simply, but you knew it wouldn’t be that easy.

Just as you were peeling into the parking lot, you saw the familiar sight of Billy’s car…speeding straight toward Nancy Wheeler. Steve pressed his foot to the floor, ramming into Billy’s car just in time to knock it off course and save Nancy from getting mowed down. You would definitely have whiplash the next day, but you decided it was very much worth it if it meant that Nancy was unharmed. You and Steve finally looked up, catching your first glimpse of the massive creature scaling the outside of the mall. It looked exactly like the shadow monster Will had drawn, except it was fleshy and bones stuck out at odd angles every which way.

“Get in!” Nancy shouted, as she pulled her car around and the two of you piled in the back. The monster leapt from the building, following as Nancy sped off out of the parking lot. Your heart raced and you buried your head in Steve’s neck as you grabbed onto him, not wanting to look at the creature anymore.

After getting a considerable distance away from the mall, hearing a weird ass musical number from Dustin and his girlfriend, who against all odds really did exist, you realized that the monster that had been following you had turned around.

“It’s turning around!” You yelled out.

“Maybe we wore it out?” Lucas suggested.

“I don’t think so,” Jonathan spoke up, quickly cutting the wheel and turning back towards the mall. Lucas passed all of you several fireworks and you split up, making your ways to different spots on the upper level.

When you got back into position, the flesh monster was standing right in front of El and Billy, reaching for her as you enacted your plan. You threw the first firework, it exploding in a spray of sparks as the creature shrieked, it exploding against its fleshy exterior.

It was really a sight to behold as the mall erupted into bright flashes of color. It was being hit from all sides, distracted from El, as it continued to get knocked from side to side.

“Hey asshole! Over here!” Steve yelled as he lit another firework and chucked it as far as he could. This is absolutely batshit fucking crazy, you thought as you threw another firework. As you threw them, you thought about all that you had been through. You thought about the young kids around you who had to grow up way too quickly. You thought about Will and Barb and Bob Newby and the horrors they had faced. You thought about all of the people that were killed to form the fleshy creature right before your eyes.

You thought about all that you had lost and you threw the fireworks with all your might.

Your stash was dwindling and as you lit another firework to throw it, Steve screamed over the walkie talkie. “Dustin! We’re out of time!”

“Hurry! Close it now!” You heard Dustin’s voice crackle through the receiver, letting the adults know that it was their time to shine. Steve threw your last firework, which went off in a fiery spray of multicolored sparks, before you realized that there were no more fireworks to be thrown.

You could see Billy standing in front of the massive monster, stoping one of its clawed arms as it reached out towards El. More bony arms appeared, slithering out of the creature as they darted forward stabbing into Billy’s side. You stared wide eyed, in shock and unable to look away. You began to hyperventilate, terror gripping every inch of your body as your legs began to give. Steve was quick to grab you before you fell, quickly pulling you to the floor as he sat, cradling the back of your head as he pulled your face into his neck.

“Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look,” he whispered to you and you could hear the terror in his voice as well, “I’m here, y/n. I’m here, okay?” He wanted to tell you that everything would be fine, but this time he wasn’t so sure. He glanced over at Billy as another arm darted forward, piercing through Billy’s chest. Steve quickly averted his eyes, wishing he had taken his own advice and hadn’t looked. Billy wasn’t coming back from that.

Max screamed out to her brother and you sobbed into Steve’s chest. Suddenly the creature began writhing, screeching and snarling in pain as it stumbled around the mall. It crashed into pillars and Steve was barely able to move you both out of the way as it careened into the railing right beside you. It thrashed a bit longer before finally falling to the ground with a resonating thud. You all gawked at it, and even though it sat in a heap on the floor, you couldn’t help but feel unease at the sight.

You didn’t get to stare at it for long before the army was bursting through the doors of the mall, guns a-blazin’ just as Steve had predicted. You all put your hands up to display that you weren’t a threat as the US soldiers escorted you out of the building. You all sat in the parking lot while they searched the facility, finally torching the mall once everyone was out. It was an elaborate cover up but you understood why it had to remain a secret.

Emergency vehicles soon showed up to attend to the fire and the wounded, and you and Steve sat side by side on a gurney. You weren’t really sure what to say. It didn’t feel like there was anything you could say in this moment. It felt like the world had ended and you were just so damn tired.

“I guess we’re gonna have to find new jobs now,” Steve finally sighed as he spoke up, smirking at you after his statement.

“Yeah….maybe ones with less obnoxious uniforms this time,” you smiled a sad smile back as you leaned into him. He threw his arm around you and it all felt so comfortable. You wished it could be under better circumstances.

After getting checked out by the EMTs on scene, your face was looking a lot better; no longer caked in dried blood. Miraculously, a soldier had located Steve’s car keys in the Russian base, and an EMT returned them to him as you sat there.

“That was quite the fire,” the EMT spoke up. You stared wide eyed and clueless for a second as you tried to gather your thoughts enough to play to the narrative that had been constructed.

“Uh, yeah…we were, um, we were really scared,” you breathed out, deciding it was better to focus on half truths at least. You never were the greatest liar.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” the EMT responded, flashing his light to check your eyes. He continued as he clicked it off, “I just don’t quite get how you both would have sustained injuries like this though. I mean, seems a bit odd considering none of the other kids showed up looking like this. And I guess I’m a bit put off by the fact that the US military is here. Hawkins is a safe town, seems a bit extreme for a mall fire.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, man. There was a fire and we got hurt. And I don’t really have a clue why the military is here; I’m just some dude working for minimum wage at a nautical themed ice cream parlor,” Steve spoke up, his tone very much indicating that he wasn’t going to give the EMT any more information.

“Whatever you say I guess. Anywho, you guys are good to go,” the EMT replied, dismissing you from the gurney. Steve and you walked over to his car, and he opened the passenger door for you and you went to get in, hesitating before you ducked down.

“Y/n? Are you okay?” Steve asked, his hand still on the door. You turned around quickly, staring up at him through your lashes. Your eyes met his and you just stared at each other for a while before you glanced down at his lips. He got the hint and began to lean in towards you, one hand going to the nape of your neck as the other wrapped around your waist to pull you closer.

Finally, his lips were on yours, and it was well worth the wait. Maybe you were two broken people who walked through hell and back, but right now it didn’t matter. All that mattered was the way he was kissing you like his life depended on it. You didn’t care about the way your lip was still split and bruised, reveling in the pain if it meant that you got to have him; if it meant that he could be yours.

Your lips moved with his in such a perfect harmony that you felt like you were dreaming. After a moment, he placed a few more gentle pecks against your lips before pulling away. Your lips chased his, desperately wanting more, but you opened your eyes to look up at him. Your heart caught in your throat at the expression on his face. You’d never seen him look at you like that before.

“Steve?”

He opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t seem to find the right words. How was he supposed to tell you that you were perfect? That you were the only thing really holding him together? That you were the reason that he woke up in the morning and showed up to that shitty job and the reason that he decided to stay in Hawkins instead of trying to move away from his shitty parents?

How was he supposed to tell you that you were his reason for being?

He didn’t think he would ever find the words, so instead he settled on “I really love you y/n—like a lot.”

You smiled up at him and pulled him into a hug. “I think I love you too, Steve,” you chuckled, pulling back to plant another kiss on his lips. He smiled into the kiss, realizing that he would never get tired of kissing you.

***

It was three months later and you and Steve were finally, officially dating. You were rocking out to the radio in the front seat of his BMW, singing off key with Robin as Steve pulled into the parking lot of Hawkins’ Family Video.

“You put your mom down as a reference?” Robin asked incredulously as she stepped out of the car.

“Yeah. Why not? She’s like, super well-respected,” Steve argued and you rolled your eyes, biting back a smile.

“You’re such a dingus,” Robin sighed, stepping through the door Steve held open. You stepped through the doorway after, Steve placing a hand on the small of your back as he guided you into the store.

Your nose twitched a bit when you realized that Keith worked here. He was kind of really icky and had asked out just about every girl you went to high school with. You’d never met someone that desperate for a girlfriend before. When you had handed him your resumes, he looked at you all like you were idiots, clearly irritated that you were wasting his time.

“We didn’t get fired, you know,” you spoke up as you scowled, annoyed with the boy at the counter.

“Yeah, the mall burned down, and like killed a bunch of people,” Robin chimed in. In a way, she was looking for pity…most of the Hawkins’ community knew that you kids had been there when shit went down.

“Thanks for sharing. Didn’t know,” Keith deadpanned. “Three favorite movies, go!” He added pointing at Robin.

“Uh....The Apartment, Hidden fortress, Children of Paradise.” She quickly answered.

“You, go!” He swiveled and pointed at Steve.

“Favorite movies?”

“Did I stutter?”

“Uhhh…Animal House for sure…yeah, uh, um—Star Wars!”

“Which one?” You asked, looking up at him, annoyed that he’d just named an entire franchise.

“The one with the teddy bears, duh,” he smirked back at you as you groaned while he squeaked like an Ewok. “No? Uh…oh, the one that just came out. The movie that just came out—the one with the DeLorean and Alex P. Keaton, and he’s trying to bang his mom,” Steve chuckled while he explained it and you rolled your eyes.

Keith couldn’t really believe what he was hearing and he pointed at you and Robin. “You two start Monday,” he said before turning to Steve, “and you start never.”

“Will you just, give us a minute,” you said gesturing to you Robin and Keith.

“Why?” Steve asked, annoyed.

“Steve,” you warned the boy not to make things more difficult, placing a small peck on his lips which was enough to convince him to move along.

“Oh come on! Steve, y/n? Steve?”

“Listen, I know he’s a bit…he’s a bit of an idiot, but that’s beside the point. Anyway, he’s got other qualities,” you argued.

“He’s a douchebag of the highest order, y/n.”

“He was a bit of a prick to us in high school, I’ll grant you that, but he remains…a total chick magnet,” Robin gestured to you, and you flushed wildly.

“And this is relevant to me how?” Keith questioned, done with Robin’s bullshit.

“Uh, earth to Keith….the ladies will come in just to see him. They’ll come in, in droves. We sold so much ice cream they had to get a second shipment from Michigan! Isn’t that right, y/n?”

“Yep. Michigan,” you confirmed her lie.

“And these ladies are hot,” Robin continued, “they are so very hot. And there are too many of them for little Steve, especially now that he’s unavailable. He needs your assistance Keith.”

“What’s in it for you? Are you guys some sort of weird ass thruple?”

As soon as he said it, Steve clumsily knocked down a cardboard cutout, awkwardly trying to fix it.

“Gross, no,” Robin replied, “we’re just friends.”

Steve turned around the cardboard cutout recognizing immediately the movie it was from. “Oh Fast Times! Fast Times, ever heard of it? Top three for me, Keith.”

You and Robin laughed, and Keith groaned. “Fine, but if he screws up, it’s on the two of you.”

You knew he was gonna screw up, but you didn’t care, running over to him as he pulled you into a hug. “You ready to be coworkers again?” You asked as you smiled up at him.

“I mean, we do make a pretty kick-ass team.”

***

a/n: I hope you enjoyed this! If I end up going on hiatus, send me some requests! I’m definitely interested in continuing writing for Steve as a character. Reblog if you’re feeling generous ;)

taglist:

@season4steve @sassyheroneckgiant @tangledinthegreatxscape @maeve-wileyy @palachannie @chaerfull @usaguisenpaisblog @emilieluckwood @sabrinadelreyy @mochminnie @xprloki @kitdjarin1

[moniheartsluffy]

One Piece headcannons

warnings: nothing major. shit grammar but the content is funny…?, slight cursing (it’s a lot of it).

a/n: i was supeerrrr bored one night and had a lil field day💀 also the lowercase is intended.

buggy : when he disconnects his limbs he somehow loses them every once in a while.

shanks: although he drinks likes there’s no tomorrow i feel like he as a very refined taste when it comes to alcohol. like he could tell you the shit to stay away from bc it’s tastes horrible, he could tell you what to drink if you wanna get fuckedddd and he can tell you the best things to drink bc they taste delicious.

mihawk: like shanks, he has a refined taste but specifically for wine. he knows what’s good and what’s shit. him and shanks have even been wine tasting together…don’t tell him i told you tho…and yes it was shanks idea.

crocodile: his hook is detachable, like one of those kid hooks where you have to hold a little bar inside for it to stay in place. idk why i think this but i just feel like it’s fake😭

garp: proudly has pictures of his grandsons (ASL) around his office at HQ. he also purposely fucks with akainu (he did it before the war but her sure as hell does it now) but now he does it to make his life a living hell.

aokiji (kuzan): he slept through one of the admiral meetings and when they went to go check on him they couldn’t get him to wake up and took him to the infirmary. all i gotta say is he woke up confused bc he swore he fell asleep at his desk.

ace: when he first got his DF he would set his sheets on fire whenever he slept bc he couldn’t control it💀

zoro: he def has fallen from the crows nest while trying to climb down. ussop saw him fall but chose life and decided to ignore it. (robin peeped it too)

law: he cuddles bepo more than you think. don’t let that man fool you. (penguin & shachi told me)

daily reminder that akainu is a bitch and his mama should’ve aborted him🤭

[cozage]

Hi! :)feel free to decline this if it’s not up your ally or you don’t really have anything else to say about it but, I was very interested when you mentioned law having anxiety about if the amber lead disease would be passed down to his kid, so I was wondering if you’d be willing to write a little offshoot of that (hcs/short fic/whatever format you want) about law and his partner trying to ease each other’s anxieties about it and just how he’d handle it in the long term plus maybe if it wasn’t able to be told if they had it or not before it was born seeing Law finally get to see the kid and his reaction him it having/not having it (it’s up to you what kind of route you’d want to take with that) but anyways it’s just a suggestion because I was really interested once you brought the idea up of how Law would handle something he’s probably tried to block out of his mind since he was young

The post that anon is talking about for reference

Guess what Anon? This is literally the best ask I’ve ever gotten because I think about it ALL the time and all the possible outcomes of that one little thing and I will literally never shut up about it. So here’s some fun* ideas on how I think Law would respond to bringing a child into the world. 

*these are not fun they're so angsty it's not even funny

Transmission

Characters: female reader x Law

Word Count: 1k

CW: talk of abortion, talk about loss of pregnancy, talk of fatal diseases, lots of pregnancy angst, (happy ending though if that makes up for it!)

He runs a scan and finds out he has a lot to worry about. You can see the panic on his face and you know your fear was not misplaced. You’re pregnant.

His shoulders suddenly feel so heavy. Like a weight he is forced to carry, no matter how many times he tries to cast it aside. 

He doesn’t tell you about the burden. Not yet. You all talk through your options together, and you consider them heavily. You weigh the pros and cons of each option for days, but he doesn’t ever try to sway you one way or another. 

In fact, he becomes very distant. He locks himself away in the study, turning through a new book everyday. You can enter his study whenever you wish, but he barely acknowledges your entrance.

One day you’re talking about it with him, trying to decide what to do. It had only been about a week and a half since you found out, and Law’s cold shoulder has impacted you a bit. “What do you want to do?” you ask him.

He doesn’t respond. His nose is buried in a book, and you realize he hasn’t been listening the entire time. You suddenly burst into tears, upset with him and his coldness to you recently. “Just get it out,” you cry, punching at your stomach with your fists. “Get it out of me so we can get back to normal again.”

He looks up, surprised by your sudden outburst. “Hey, Y/N-ya! Stop! You’re going to hurt yourself!” He jumps up and grabs your wrists to keep you from harming yourself further. 

“I’m tired of being alone!” you cry out, tears streaming down your face. “You can’t even look at me anymore! I just want things to be normal again.”

He’s staring at you, unsure of what to do or how to respond. He guides you over to a chair, still holding your wrists, and sits you down in it. He sits across from you. “I need to tell you a story,” he whispers, and he has your full attention.

He tells you the story of Flevance, and of the Amber Lead Disease he inherited. How his entire city disappeared in a matter of years. How there was no cure. How he was the only survivor.

You had known a piece of that story. Law had told you about Corazon and that he had helped secure the Op-Op fruit for Law to find a cure for his disease. But you hadn’t known the rest of the tragedy. 

“I’m scared,” he admits, his voice quivering. “Amber Lead Disease is passed down from generation to generation, and shortens the lifespan each time it’s passed on. My sister got sick when she was six. I was supposed to die before I was fourteen.”

“But you got better. You’re okay now,” you reassured him. But you could feel the panic growing inside of you now too. Of course he didn’t want to talk about a child with this kind of trauma weighing on his mind.

“It doesn’t mean that the symptoms are gone. Each generation, the life expectancies go down at least ten years. What if…” he hesitates, and you can feel his grip around your wrists tighten as he squeezes his eyes shut. “What if our child dies before it’s even born?”

You can feel his pain and his sorrow emitting from him. You lean forward and wrap him in a hug, holding him tight. You can hear him choke back a sob, and you allow yourself to cry too. Both of you just hold each other, letting all of your fear and anger and sorrow wash away with your tears. 

Both of you start to calm down after a very long cry. “I want to keep it,” you say finally. “I want to try.”

You feel Law nod, and his body relaxes just a minuscule amount. At least he won’t be alone this time. At least he’s cured it before. 

During the pregnancy, he’s more stressed than you. It’s a weird relationship having Law as both your boyfriend and your doctor, and sometimes you have to remind him which hat he’s wearing. 

He’s always giving you vitamin supplements in the morning and making sure your diet is perfectly balanced. Sometimes you go to eat something and he starts with “as a pregnant woman, you shouldn’t-” but a quick glare will usually quiet him down.

You have checkups and he runs scans on your body at least once a week. There are nights he can’t sleep, his mind riddled with what if’s, and he has to do a quick scan just to make sure you and baby are still okay. He breathes a sigh of relief each time your scan comes back clean, but he doesn’t let himself get too comfortable. 

Both of you have your days. Some days you’re over the moon, others you feel like your lives are ending. It’s a hard middle to find. Both of you typically stick to the extremes and manage to mellow each other out while also validating each other's fears.  

He cries when he finds out it’s a girl. 

He cries even harder when you offer up a name. Cora.

His devil fruit ability makes the childbirth thing insanely easy. The “pain of childbirth” was a foreign concept to you for the most part. 

He counts Cora’s fingers and toes, and then counts them again. 10 fingers, 10 toes. She’s perfect. Just looking at her, Law already knows he would die for her. 

He wraps his sweet baby girl up in a blanket and passes her off to you. He brushes your hair and kisses your face while you hold her. He’s resisting the urge to run every scan he can think of. You were adamant that the three of you needed a few minutes together as a family before he went full doctor on you both. 

Finally you hand Cora off to him. “Go ahead, I know it’s driving you crazy.” He scans her, and finds her completely healthy. No Amber Lead Disease, no sickness, not even a slightly abnormal temperature. Law holds Cora close to his heart and he weeps. For his family, for himself, and for the new generation that’s finally free.

[astrophileous]

Love Bugs (Pt. 03)

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Female Reader

Synopsis: You and Derek Morgan have an arrangement. At work, your relationship is strictly business. Under the sheets, it's all about pleasure. Nothing more, nothing less. Until, of course, your feelings start to get involved. Your situation is complicated enough without the unexpexted predicament that suddenly befalls upon you. But with a maniac serial killer on the loose, will you ever get the chance to make everything right?

Warning(s): pregnancy, brief talk of abortion, stalker behavior, kidnapping, curse words (this shouldn't even warrant a warning at this point lol) pls lmk if I miss anything

Word Count: 2000-ish

Author's Note: told ya the pt 3 would be here sooner than you'd expect! as always, LIKE+COMMENT+REBLOG cause these give me the motivation I need to finish the parts sooner and maybe upload more frequently 👀

Love Bugs Masterlist / Criminal Minds Masterlist

You always took pride in your ability to predict things correctly. It was one of the best traits that made you a great profiler.

Not this time, though.

This time, your ability to conjure correct predictions just seemed like a big joke that the universe purposefully played out to torture your ass.

The ringtone of your phone's incoming call snapped you back to reality. Without looking at the caller ID, you pressed the green button and brought the device to your ear.

"(Y/L/N) speaking."

"Hey, Beets. Where are you?" came the voice of one Penelope Garcia. "Hotch is looking for you. Are you coming in today?"

"Huh? Yeah, I'm coming in. Sorry, it was an emergency. Tell the others I'll be there shortly."

After ending the call, you rushed through the rest of your morning routine as quickly as possible. The three opened boxes on the bathroom sink were thrown into the garbage can in no time. Their contents sitting on the counter, however, required you to pause and contemplate what course of actions you would want to do to deal with the problem at hand.

Upon realizing that this was not the kind of dilemma you could solve in a matter of minutes, you decided to fuck it before dumping the items into the same garbage can.

The three tests with two little pink lines would have to wait.

You had a serial murder case to solve.

If five months ago someone had told you that you'd someday end up carrying the child of Derek Morgan, you would have ordered a psychological evaluation for them right then and there.

The past few days had been a catastrophic turmoil. At first, the irrational anger had devoured you whole. You were this close to calling the company who produced your pills for claiming that they had 99% chance of preventing exactly the kind of mess you were going through from happening. Granted, they had put the minus 1% up there to save face in case anything like this were to ever happen. But what were the chances of you being one of the outliers in that small percentage?

Apparently, a pretty good one.

Then, the panic quickly had taken control and messed up with your head. The endless anxiety of having to bring a child into such a cruel world and bearing the responsibility of raising it, while having witnessed what kind of evil lurked underneath its facade, almost threw you to the brink of insanity. During those moments of fear, you had even entertained the idea of possibly terminating the pregnancy, even going as far as calling the nearest facility to question more about the procedure.

But once the fog had cleared, and you were able to start thinking rationally again, realization soon dawned upon you.

You wanted to keep the baby.

In some curious plot twist, you discovered that the idea of having this baby wasn't as scary as the knowledge of having to face Derek and inform him of the news.

And that was exactly what had been occupying your entire mind: how to break the news to Derek.

You barely even had the guts to talk to him directly anymore. Yet somehow, you had to find a way to tell him that you were pregnant, right to his face, as if you were bringing the news of a new movie that had just premiered in your nearest local theater.

How the hell were you ever going to do that?

And it wasn't like you were worried that Derek wouldn't be supportive about your decision to keep the baby. Even if he was unsupportive, there was nothing he could do to persuade you to change your mind. But Derek--sweet and kindhearted Derek--would never do such a thing. Having lost his father at a very young age himself, there was no way anyone could keep him from taking care of his child, no matter how they came to be in this world.

So, before you could gather your thoughts--and yourself--you had decided to put off telling Derek about your current condition.

"Still nothing, Garcia?" Hotch asked from his place in front of the board.

"I'm so sorry, sir. I've tried everything, but there was nothing else I could uncover from that tape."

The rest of the team was seated around the round table. It had been two weeks since the BAU received the video tape from the UnSub, and Garcia had finally revealed that there was nothing more to be analyzed from the tape despite having only obtained insignificant details out of it.

It also didn't help that the UnSub had been lying dormant since that video was delivered.

"It just doesn't make sense," Rossi said frustratedly. "Why would he stop now? What is he waiting for? This guy gets off on attention. Stopping his theatrics at a time like this doesn't fit his profile at all."

"He must be looking to get his attention from somewhere else," Derek chimed in.

"Yeah, but the question is where?" Reid interjected.

"And what is he planning to do to make sure he gets it?" Hotch let out a long sigh before pinching the bridge of his nose. "Alright, we're not going to stop just because this guy has. Emily, JJ, try interviewing the victims' families, friends, and the witnesses again. See if they suddenly have something useful for us. Morgan and Rossi, follow up on our other leads. Reid--"

"The case files. I know." Reid nodded.

"Right. And (Y/L/N)--" Hotch pinned his stare towards you, "--I need to talk to you. Thank you, everyone. Dismissed."

"Are you in trouble?" Emily leaned in as the rest of the team scattered out of the room.

"Not as far as I know," you whispered.

As you walked the path to Hotch's office, your mind began searching for the possibilities behind Hotch's sudden request to see you privately. You didn't get to guess for too long, though, as you finally arrived in front of his door almost in no time at all.

"Come on in, Agent. Close the door behind you," he commanded. You turned around to nudge the door closed. "Have a seat."

You didn't spend any time beating around the bush once you had sat down.

"Can I ask what this is about?"

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" Hotch looked at you with a raised eyebrow. "I heard you requested a half day off today."

"I, uh... yes. Yes, I did. Is that why I'm here?"

"No. That is not why you're here." Hotch leaned back against his seat. "You've been distracted lately. You're coming late to work, and you can't seem to focus when you're around."

"I-I'm sorry, sir. It won't happen again."

"You should know that I've received concerns about you from the other members of the team."

What?

"Was it JJ?" you asked. "Because if this is about what happened in the bathroom--"

"It was Garcia, actually."

"Oh."

Hotch looked at you curiously. "What happened with JJ in the bathroom?"

"Nothing, sir. It was nothing."

The next few seconds were drowned in silence. The ticking clock on Hotch's desk became the only sound echoing against the walls. Hotch was examining you as if you were a suspect in the interrogation room, and with how much scrutiny was sizzling inside those eyes, you might as well have been.

"They're not the only ones concerned about you, (Y/L/N)," he spoke carefully. "I've also noticed that you haven't been yourself lately. You seem tired all the time. You look paler every single day." Hotch readjusted his tie before continuing, "I know that what we do here isn't easy. This job, it's not for everyone. Sometimes our limits are much smaller than what we thought it would be, and that's okay. If you'd like to put in a request for a transfer, I'm sure I will be able--"

"Sir," you stopped him before he could go on any further. "I don't want to transfer. I like working here."

"Just because you like working somewhere, it doesn't mean--"

"Hotch," you cut him off once more. "I'm pregnant."

The priceless look on Hotch's face at the sudden drop of your announcement would forever be ingrained in your brain.

"What?"

"I found out two weeks ago." You smiled tentatively. "I've been having severe morning sickness, and my appetite has also not been the best. Probably why I look tired all the time. I didn't mean to let my condition affect my work, I'm sorry."

"No, no. That's... wow. You're pregnant." Hotch started to nod as if the news was just beginning to fully settle upon him. "Congratulations, Agent. That's wonderful news. You are... happy, right?"

You smiled at his considerate question. "I am very much. Yes."

"How far along are you?"

"My guess is eight to ten weeks. I'm not so sure. Today is my first ultrasound, hence why I requested for half a day."

And then, by some unknown piece of miracle, Aaron Hotchner started to laugh. A real, actual laugh that had both of his eyes wrinkling in the corners. You didn't even know that he could do that without Jack around.

"When I called you in here earlier, this isn't exactly how I pictured the conversation would go," he admitted.

"Neither did I."

"Well--" He cleared his throat, "--there's, of course, a few things we need to go over in rumination of your current condition, but I'm sure we can manage that some other time."

"Of course, sir."

"And (Y/L/N)?" You stared at him expectantly. "You can come to me if you ever need anything. You know that, right?"

The sincerity in Hotch's declaration nearly brought you to tears. You immediately tried to blink back the emotions before you could make a mess of yourself in front of your boss.

"Of course, Hotch. Thank you."

You got up from the chair and began walking towards the door. Before your fingers could touch the handle, you decided to turn around once more.

"Hotch?"

"Yes?"

"I would appreciate it if we kept this between us for now."

"Of course, Agent." He nodded. "You have my word."

And with that, you exited Hotch's room before heading back straight to your desk.

A few hours later, you were finally returning home after attending the doctor appointment.

Confirming your earlier prediction, the doctor had put the estimated age of your fetus at around ten weeks. According to the internet, your baby was not larger than the size of a mere apricot. It was nothing more than a tiny blob in the sonogram image, but the sight of it alone somehow made you want to break down in tears.

Before you could turn into a sobbing ball of mess, you decided to put the picture right on the front of your fridge.

"Alright, I think that's--"

Thud.

Your head instinctively whipped around at the mysterious sound.

Without wasting another second, your hand immediately reached for the gun tucked safely in your holster. The tiny footsteps you took sounded deafening in the silence of your apartment. You first checked the bathroom, finding it empty with nothing out of the ordinary. The two bedrooms were pretty much the same. Quiet and a little messy just the way that you had left them that morning.

Sighing, you brushed off your paranoia as a result of your overactive hormons and creeping exhaustion.

When you reemerged from taking a shower nearly an hour later, the feeling of dread once again washed over your entire being.

At first glance, not a single thing in the apartment seemed to be out of place. But somehow, the feeling of another presence in the room was indisputable. Your wet feet slowly moved along the floor, careful as to not make as much sound as possible.

Once you arrived in the kitchen, you took in your surrounding, making sure that things really were staying in the places they should have been in.

You were about to sigh in relief until you saw it.

The sonogram image you previously had glued to the fridge.

It was now lying on the floor.

Before you could have a chance to grab the nearest weapon, the door to the second bedroom behind you suddenly began to creak.

"Boo."

That was the last thing you remembered before everything went dark.

[thegildedbee]

Awkward: May 5 Prompt from @calaisreno

Sherlock scrambled awake, alert for any sign of someone inside the room or outside the door, keeping his breathing synced to sleep mode, waiting as his eyes adjusted to the dark. With no sensory data to detect, he cautiously propped himself on his elbow to do a perimeter scan as a second check, and provisionally decided that all was as it should be. Except now his body was in hypervigilant mode. Sleep would be a fugitive eluding his efforts to get some badly needed rest.

God, he wished he had a cigarette.

John, of course, would have disapproved. And as ridiculous as it was to follow rules of proper health given his current way of life, Sherlock refused to relinquish any mental tokens of his absent friend.

But God he wished he had a cigarette. Something to help quiet his mind, something to occupy his restless fingers, something to engender a state of detachment.

Do a breathing exercise, John would have said. You can inhale and exhale as if you were drawing in smoke and releasing it, and you’d be close to the proper breathing technique used to calm agitation. As the words floated through his mind, he began automatically following the instruction.

He’d been missing John even more intensely than usual; his recent visit to an A&E to liberate medical supplies while shamming intestinal pain had resulted in memories slyly infiltrating his consciousness, and then his subconscious, when he ruthlessly targeted them for elimination.

Too much John in his head. He hated to admit it, but the recent mental storm had likely thrown him off his game, and contributed to his cock-up the other evening. God, that had been awkward. Well, it was best described as horrifyingly embarrassing, but he was only going to concede as far as awkward.

He’d been instructed to receive a live drop of information from a contact sitting at the far left at the bar of the posh hotel near the government offices. Woman in her 30s, brown hair, green dress. He was surprised to see her in place earlier than arranged; he’d arrived early out of an abundance of caution to observe the site. Was she careless? Perhaps a novice? Or had there been a change of plans that hadn’t been communicated? He didn’t want to be here in the first place, with his head pounding as it was, so he went with the flow and sat down. He really should have realized there was a problem when she didn’t seem to understand the parole he offered, and just tossed her hair and giggled. But he thought that maybe that was what she had been told would be her half of the recognition signal.

After several tedious moments of innuendo and sultry looks he couldn’t fathom why she wasn’t just slipping the info under the cocktail napkin, then leaving, and letting him retrieve it. He had been highly annoyed at her lack of professionalism; was the flirting really necessary? They could have been colleagues from work, or strangers. There was no need for deep cover to include her hand running up his thigh. And when it seemed as if the only way to get the information was to go up to her room he nearly aborted the mission. But he needed the goddamn intel.

Awkward. But not as awkward as the fact that when she opened the door he saw a man in the room with whom she was obviously friendly. That had caused several minutes of panic that he’d walked into an ambush. Until it became clear that the reason for the flirting, and the obfuscation, and the lack of clarity, had been that she thought she had been arranging a rendezvous for a threesome.

So, not his contact. Awkward. A walk of shame back to the bar, albeit one that hadn’t included undressing and then dressing again. Where, after ten minutes, a woman in her 30s, brown hair, green dress, sat down at the far left end of the bar. Who knew how to respond to the parole. Who ordered a glass of red, lit a cigarette – damn her – crushed it out after a few moments, and left, the information he needed written on the cocktail napkin that replaced the one under the wineglass.

He really needed to hone his skills at recognizing when he was being propositioned. Although the hand on the thigh really should have clued him in. Awkward. Propositioning. Which reminded him of John. And that first evening at Angelo’s. That really could have gone better. If wishes were horses . . .

He’d been thinking so much about John lately, that he’d swore he’d caught a glimpse of him at the back of the crowded lobby at the opera house the evening before last. As if. Stupid. Awkward.

He’d even risked contacting Mycroft, afraid that somehow all the John on his mind was some kind of telepathic signal of distress. It didn’t seem so. He’d been sent a photo of John at Tesco in the check-out line, doing his usual shop. No bottles of alcohol in sight. Although he noted that there was a carton of Haagen-Dazs Biscoff and Caramel ice cream, which John said was insanely sweet, and which he only bought because it was Sherlock’s favorite.

Maybe John thought about him at times, as well.

God, he wished he had a cigarette.

........................................................ @calaisreno @totallysilvergirl @friday411 @peanitbear @original-welovethebeekeeper rest of the @s in the tags, which will work for communication purposes, I hope? just say the word if you want to be tagged or untagged xoxoxo

[tinkerbelle05]

Maybe We’ll Get Through This Part 1

Characters:Jaime Reyes x Pregnant!reader

Genre: Angst

Summary: You find out that you pregnant while Jaime is at college and, you have yet to tell him.

Warnings: alludes to past sexual experiences, talks of pregnancy, adoption, and abortion, talks about financial insecurity, arguing, lying

Special thanks to @scryarchives for their help!!🫶🏿

-

You’ve been counting down the dreaded day since you found out about your pregnancy, the day you told Jaime about it. And about the house. And about the garage closing. And about his father’s heart attack. There was a lot you and his family were keeping from him.

For good reason, of course. Knowing how Jaime is, he’d drop out of college and catchthe next plane to come back home, no matter what anyone said.

And he worked too hard for that to happen or to have unnecessary stress cause him to fail his courses.

At least that's what you said to convince yourself that this was a good idea. But the doubt that laid heavy in your stomach was really convincing you that you were wrong in this decision.

You decided to wear an oversized hoodie even in the sweltering Texas heat. Your bump was growing, and you didn’t want to tell Jaime like this. You wanted to ease him into the news.

You would just have to bring a mini fan, ice cold water, and hope that most places have a working AC unit in them.

All of you huddled into Rudy’s car, and you braced yourself for the long ride. It was at least an hour or so. Maybe you could listen to music to calm yourself down.

Or you could obsessing over how you would break the news to Jaime. It was already nerve wracking telling someone your gonna be a father.

Especially when they are a new grad, especially when you were withholding this information for months, especially when you we’re struggling financially.

God, you should’ve aborted the baby the moment you found out. There was still time to do it, all you had to do was take one little pill. Why did you think this was a good idea? That this was doable?

“Everything will be fine, mija,” Mrs. Reyes attempted to reassure and handed you a tissue.

You gladly took it to wipe your tears and blow your nose, “Thank you, Mrs. Reyes.”

You had to keep your emotions in check if you wanted this to work. I mean if you showed up to the airport with puffy eyes and a snotty nose then you could tell Jaime you just really, really missed him.

Which is a case was true, you had really missed him. You missed hugging him, kissing him, and going on dates. Holding his hand, running your hands through his soft curls.

And didn’t they always say the best lie had some truth to it?

The drive to the airport came and went, everything’s a bit of a blur right now with you focused on how to tell Jaime. Your body’s basically on autopilot and before you knew it, you were in a somewhat crowed airport with good AC.

You felt the nice cool air on your flushed skin and hastily wiped some sweat from your forehead. Now you waited, and there he was. All smiles, with his graduation hat sitting playfully crooked on his head and his carry on trailing behind him.

He hugged Nana first, then Milargo, and Mr. Reyes. You couldn’t help but giggle at the sight of Jaime getting peppered with kisses by Mrs. Reyes. Watching him laugh and squirm under her hold, it was cute.

You imagined doing that with you kid one day. Hearing their laughter and whining out for you to stop because it tickled them too much.

No, no you're getting too far ahead now. Let’s just take this one step at a time.

Then it was your turn.

Even though you lived with the Reyes for a year now and were obviously pregnant, you still felt thoroughly embarrassed and self-conscious about showing too much affection in front of them.

So you gave Jaime a hug and quick kiss on the cheek. He held your hand as you made your way to the car and the taco place for lunch.

“How was the flight?” You asked him softly.

“Well, there was a crying baby for like half of the flight so that was great,” he answered sarcastically. “But yea other than that it was alright.”

Your eye twitched at the word “baby” and you felt yourself spiraling.

Does Jaime even want kids?

Does he want them but not right now?

Would he be happy? Angry, that you withheld this information or angry that your pregnant? Angry at both?

“Your sweating,” Jaime noted you. “That’s a pretty thick sweater, aren’t you burning up in that thing?”

You looked at Jaime then shared a knowing look with his sister, “Well, you know what they say Jaime, beauty’s pain.” You smiled tightly at him.

He did not look convinced in the slightest but he didn’t push it, and two continued your easy going conversation until you got to the taco place.

You all filed into the restaurant, at the table that you always sit at because it’s the only one big enough for everyone.

Your mind wandered to the future, as it always does. Would the kid sit on your lap or Jaime’s? Would they have a preference, or just who was holding them at the time? Or will you have to pull up an extra chair and all squeeze to make room?

You cleared your throat and attempted to clear your mind of those thoughts, but you wanted them to happen. You tried to convince yourself that you didn’t want kids, this kid.

But maybe you did want kids?

Or maybe it was just the hormones.

You were starving, the smell was intoxicating and tempted but the thought of food made you nauseous, and this sweater wasn’t making you feel any better.

The waiter came and everyone ordered food but you.

And of course Jaime noticed, he leaned closer into you and whispered into your ear, “Are you sure your okay?”

You brought out your mini fan just for it to blow the hot air back into your face, you winced at the feeling but you nodded your head anyway.

“Of course I am,” you responded. But you felt terrible and it was getting harder to keep the facade up.

Milagro, as observant her brother, noticed this too and huffed, “Okay, he’s had his tacos let’s tell him now.”

The announcement illicit different reactions: Jaime’s was confusion and everyone one else’s was shock. To be honest, there was really no concrete agreed upon time of when you would all tell Jaime the news. The only thing that was agreed on was that we would prolong it as much as possible.

You guessed Milagro was fed up then. You watched as Milagro unceremoniously dumped everything on Jaime; his father’s stroke, losing the garage, and potentially losing the house.

“Wait, so all of you hid this from me? For…for what? So I could focus on some dumb degree and get us more into debt?!” Jaime astonished.

“No, no, you had to focused on school. You worked too hard to give that all up,” Mr. Reyes explained.

“No, no I could’ve been working. I could’ve saved the shop, I….I could’ve been here for my family.” Jaime said. Then he looks at you, “Do you have anything you wanna tell me too?”

You realized that he was joking when he said that but it felt like a big bright light was under you. You wanted to tell him so badly but how?

You've been agonizing over how to do it for months now. What do you say? How do you say it? Do you ease it in or just blurt it out?

Either way, it was now or never.

You took a deep breath, “Jaime, I'm pregnant.”

-

Part 2

Tags: @marmar-c, @wintersdeadd, @starii-light, @renaimel, @allthingsvicf, @louiesdaydream, @666kpopfan, @shslsimpette, @sodacatz, @niluuuuu, @asvterias, @bluecray0nn, @fhhahaha12, @losingmywayyyy, @alexa-33, @dcnerd98, @xiaryye, @herrescasper,

Taglist & Masterlist & Reqs Info & Anonlist

[train-wrecc]

Champagne Problems

marcus baker x miller!female!reader (I just realized some of y’all may think this means that Zion’s your dad but it just means that Georgia’s your mom but you have a different dad)

flangst! ( if y’all can’t tell I really like flangst, haha)

word count: 7.1k

warnings!: mentions of pregnancy & abortion, cussing, toxic? relationship (on&off), mentions of food, anxiety, & panic attacks… i think that’s all 😅

includes: bestfriend!padma, younger!sister!ginny (15 years old), you and Marcus are 18, OC? (not really) Noah (Marcus's best friend that he lost to cancer, they never gave him a name in the show, so from now on I’ll probably just refer to him as Noah, it was the first name that came to mind) 

ALSO: before reading, I just want to preface, that it is your body and your choice. 💞

unedited!

part 2 part 3

。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

You never thought you’d be stood here, however there you were. It was as if the box full of pregnancy tests was laughing at you. You had been practically been disintegrating it with your eyes. You’d had enough, you were just gonna do it. 

As you waited for the three tests for three minutes, it was the longest three minutes of your life. You were filled with anxiety and intrusive thoughts that almost sent you spiraling. 

Your breath trembled with unevenness, your timer causing you to jolt out of your stupor. You held your breath. This was it. These pink sticks would cruelly decide your fate. 

You quickly glanced at the tests. All three tests were undoubtedly positive, each reading the word ‘positive’ on the little digital screen.

That one word ‘positive’ sent you panicking, gasping for air, as the word ran rampant in your head. Positive. They're positive. 

You couldn’t even form the words in your brain, “I’m preg-“. It was as if even acknowledging the word in your mind would make what was already your reality true. That was something you didn’t want to accept. 

Your legs gave out from under you, sending you crashing to the cold tile flooring. Goosebumps arose on your arms, unsure if they were caused by the frigid tile or the shock of the recent revelations. 

Silent sobs fell from your lips. Tears tainted your cheeks, the pregnancy tests taunting you from the counter. You were so livid with yourself. How could you have let this happen? How could you have been so stupid!? How? Why? 

Your mother had desperately tried to protect you from this; from the pain of becoming a teenage mother. You weren’t sure how you were gonna tell her, you knew it’d break her. Would she scream at you? Throw you out? Would she simply cry? And what about your siblings, how would they react? 

And Marcus? You knew from the moment you read that word on the pregnancy test that he was the father of your unborn child. Would he even want to be in your child’s life? You knew what it was like to grow up with an absent father, and you would never want your child to have to go through that. To grow up wondering why all the other kids had dads and they didn’t. 

Having to question why they were abandoned by him as you did.

Your hands formed tight fists, your nails imprinting crescent moons on the palms of your hands due to how hard you’d been clenching them.

You threw your head back, wanting to scream but you couldn’t. You didn’t want to alert anyone of what had happened while you were in the bathroom. 

A knock on the door, caused your breath to hitch in your throat. “Y/n are you almost done? You’ve been in there for like 20 minutes now,” You heard your sister Ginny call from the opposite side of the door. 

You cleared your throat, hands sweeping away the tears that had created streams down your face. 

“Yeah, Ginny, I-I’ll be out soon.” You said trying to hide the emotion your voice held. 

Ginny knew something was up, but she figured it had something to do with your on-again-off-again relationship with Marcus. She decided she would give you your space and check on you later. Sometimes she just wanted to quite literally slap some sense into you, scream at you to drop his ass. But she knew even that wouldn’t do anything. 

Marcus had your heart in a cage. You loved him unequivocally. But she wasn’t sure he felt the same. When he wasn’t with you, and you guys were in the off stage, he was with some other girl. 

Ginny loved you with all her heart, and she and everyone around you could clearly see you deserved and were worthy of much more than Marcus could offer you. Albeit, you were too blinded by that captivating, enamoring smile of his. It pulled you back into his arms every time. His brown eyes brought you crawling back to him each time you tried to escape them.

。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

You tried your best to mask your emotions, however, you were pregnant and even more hormonal. So to say you were hiding it well, well, it was contradictory, to say the least.

You hadn’t told a single soul. As the days passed you spent them kissing Marcus and doing a lot more, taking in all of him that you could, trying to memorize every part of him. This minute voice in the back of your mind told you once you told him, you would lose him. For good. 

When you weren’t with Marcus you spent your nights hysterically crying in bed. Your hand clamped against your mouth in a feeble attempt to obscure your cries. 

One night Ginny had heard you, coming into your room to find you on the verge of a panic attack. That was when she knew something was terribly wrong.

Your chest shook, heart, beating erratically. You shook your head wanting to wake up from this nightmare. 

“Y/n/n, calm down, you’re okay, everything’s gonna be okay, alright?” Ginny attempted to calm you down. 

You only shook your head, somehow your sobbing becoming even louder at her words. She pulled you into a tight embrace. Rocking you back and forth in an attempt to soothe you. Something you had done for her numerous times when she would have panic attacks.  

You felt disgusted with yourself. You were her older sister. You were supposed to set a good example for her. You are the one whose supposed to comfort her, and be her shoulder to cry on, not the other way around. 

Ginny couldn’t seem to calm you, no matter what she did. She wasn’t quite sure how your mother hadn’t woken up or Austin. 

“Y/n/n, do you want me to call Marcus?” She asked you, she may not like him for you, but she knew he would somehow be able to instantly calm you down. 

“No,” You cried sobbing harder, at the mention of his name. 

“Okay, okay, I won’t call him,” She murmured. 

She gently rubbed your back, continuing to rock the both of you back and forth. It took a while but you eventually calmed down. Ginny stayed with you that night and cuddled you to sleep not wanting to leave you alone. A tear escaped Ginny’s eye, she hated seeing you like this. 

The following morning, Georgia burst into the room, searching for her youngest daughter. She found her in your bed, the two of you holding each other; it was something she hadn’t seen in a while and it piqued her curiosity. She could immediately tell something was up. Your eyes were swollen, cheeks splotchy, all pointing to one thing. 

You had been crying. She had a feeling it had something to do with the boy that just seemed to keep on hurting you. Often times she thought it would be best if she poisoned his food or drink while he was over but she refrained from doing so for your sake because somehow you loved that boy. She knew what it was like to be so in love with someone that just seemingly couldn’t commit to you. 

Marcus could hurt you so deeply, and send you on a rollercoaster of highs and lows. But the highs, God were they so good. You would be smiling for days, nothing able to tear you down except the only person who could paint that same smile on your face. She loved seeing you that happy, that was all she wanted for her kid's, unfaltering happiness. 

Your mother let you and your siblings stay home that day. She woke you with your favorite breakfast and favorite drink paired with it.

“Thanks, mama.” You tried your hardest to bring a smile to your face, for her sake. But you couldn’t and it ended up being more of a grimace. Hiding this secret was taking a toll on you, it had been two weeks since you had found out the shocking news, that you were gonna be a mother in 9 months. Give or take. You were beginning to drown. 

Ginny glanced at her mother, eyes full of worry. 

“Anything for my girls,” She smiled at you. 

“How about we have a girl's day, huh, how does that sound?” She inquired.

“I really appreciate you mom, but I kind of just want to stay home today if that’s alright?” 

“Of course, babygirl.” She gave you a warm smile.

“You know, you can tell me anything, right, baby?” She pulled you into a hug. You fought back the tears that so desperately were trying to slip out. You nodded, not trusting your voice to respond. 

“Alright, well, I’ll leave y’all be.” She trailed out, closing the door behind her.

You took a small bite of your breakfast, you were beyond starving.

“Y/n? What’s wrong, please talk to me,” Ginny murmured, hurt in her voice. 

“I hate seeing you like this,” She whispered.

“It’s nothing Gin, alright, don’t worry about me. Okay, me and Marcus are just having a rough patch that’s all.” You lied to the girl, you just needed more time before you inevitably broke your family’s hearts. 

“I know that’s not true Y/n/n,” she shook her head, “this is different.” 

“Ginny, I promise you, I’m fine-“ as that last word fell from your lips, you felt an overwhelming rise of nausea fill you. You leaped up from your bed, sprinting to the bathroom. You practically vomited your intestines into the toilet. 

You wiped your mouth with some toilet paper. You rinsed your mouth, followed by brushing your teeth along with some mouthwash to get rid of the horrid taste of bile. 

As you turned to walk out, Ginny stood in the doorway, eyebrows scrunched together. 

“Something in the food must’ve been bad or undercooked,” You explained. 

“Mhm,” She nodded.

。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

You hadn’t talked to your best friend Padma, in a few days, like everyone else Padma knew you were acting odd, however, she had yet to voice her opinion. You knew being around Padma, would cause her to lure your secret out, and you couldn’t risk that. So, you had been hanging out with Marcus a lot more. 

Albeit, it caused you to feel extremely guilty for keeping it from him. It had almost been a month that you’d been harboring this secret, and you knew you’d need to tell everyone soon. However, you decided to keep on basking in the bliss of ignoring your problems.

You had decided to go over to Marcus's house, you knew he was home seeing as you were neighbors, but he hadn’t been responding to your texts. You should’ve just given him the space he clearly wanted. You walked into the house, as if it were your own, seeing as you spent a lot of time there. 

Max was nowhere to be found, so you signed hello to Ellen and Clint and made your way to Marcus’s room. You knocked on his door, before pushing it open. The boy barely glanced up at you, before returning to his sketchbook. “So, now you’re ignoring me?” You questioned him.

A sigh escaped his full lips at your remark. “Really, Marcus? You’re gonna do this again?” Shaking your head in annoyance. Your hormones were not about to put up with his shit.

“I don’t wanna talk about this right now, Y/n,”

“Well too bad, Marcus, because I’m here, and I want to talk about it. Right now. I seriously don’t feel like paying your games right now.”

He raised his eyebrows at your tone, never having heard you speak to him like that before. “I’m too tired for this, Y/n, just go.”

“No, Marcus, I’m not leaving until you tell me what the hell your problem is.”

“You, Y/n! You want to know what my problem is, there it is, Y/n! You’ve been so fucking clingy this past fucking month, I haven’t had a second to myself. God, I just wanted a little space but clearly, that’s too much to fucking ask of you.” He spat at you, brows scrunched up in anger.

His outburst caused you to purse your lips in shock before your jaw clenched with anger.

“Oh, sorry, for wanting to spend time with my boyfriend before he inevitably breaks things off at the beginning of each month, like some sort of fucking routine! So he can be with some other bitch for a few weeks, before deciding to come back to me, god, Marcus!”

“What the fuck is up with you, why are you acting like this all of a sudden?” 

“What’s wrong with me?” You questioned letting out a humorless laugh.

“What’s wrong with me is that I’m tired of your shit, Marcus. What’s wrong with me is that I’m pregnant with your fucking kid!” You exclaimed in exasperation your hands flying up in anger.

Marcus’s brown eyes widened immensely, at your words. It dawned on you, that you had just told him that you were pregnant. Your hand flew to your mouth in shock, “Oh my god,” You murmured. 

He sat in silence for a few moments, and you turned to face his door as you began to feel panic bubble up in your chest. “You’re pregnant?” He quietly questioned, as his head dropped into his hands.

You couldn’t bring yourself to form the words, simply nodding your head, as your eyes burned holes into his wooden flooring. “This can’t be happening, Y/n, we’re only 18, I mean we haven’t even graduated high school yet!” 

You took deep breaths trying to calm yourself, “Don’t you think I know that, Marcus?” You hissed at him.

“What the hell, Y/n, you- you said you were on the pill!”

“I was, Marcus, it’s not 100% effective, and don’t you dare try to fucking blame this on me okay?” You turned to him with nothing but irateness smeared across your face.

“I can’t deal with this shit right now,” He quietly muttered, however, you still heard him.

“How the fuck do I even know that it’s really mine?” He questioned, now standing up.

“You’re fucking with me right, Marcus?” Fury burning in your eyes.

His face remained stoic, “Unlike you Marcus, you’re the only person I’ve ever been with,” You said through clenched teeth.

You couldn’t control your anger anymore, and the next thing you knew you were slapping him. “You’re a fucking asshole.” You said, before leaving his room, tears beginning to cloud your vision. 

You attempted to rid yourself of the tears, but you couldn’t. They streamed down your face like a rapid, as your breath began to quicken. You reached for your phone calling Padma.

You sat in her SUV, as she shushed you, caressing your hair.

“Everything’s gonna work out in the end, Y/n/n, I promise.”

“It’s not Lo,” You managed to say through your crying and whimpers, “I fucked up so bad,” You whaled. 

(*A/N: Padma means Lotus in another language, I don’t remember what language… but Lo is short for Lotus, I don’t know, I thought it was a cute nickname, rather than using ‘Pad’.)

“I’m here for you, Y/n/n, and I always will be okay, you know that, right?”

You gave a nod in response, sniffling.

“I’m sorry for ignoring you, I’m a terrible friend.” You cried.

“It’s okay, bub, I know you’ve been struggling this past month, I don’t hold it against you for needing some time.”

“You should, I have no excuse,” You whimpered.

“But I don’t, okay? Do you think you’re ready to tell me what’s wrong?” She gently asked. You nodded, staying in her warm, comforting embrace as you explained why you had been so distant, due to the fact that you would be a teen mom in less than 9 months. You told her about the fight with Marcus, how you hadn’t meant to just blurt the words out, and how he had the audacity to question if your child was his.

“Oh my god, Y/n/n, he’s a complete dick!”

“I know, and what’s worse is that, after everything that we’ve been through, I still love him. Does that make me crazy?” Your eyes welled up with more tears, and a dry laugh slipped from your lips.

“Very much so, but that’s what love does. Anyone who says they're in love and doesn’t feel crazy, well they’re not really in love.”

“Can I ask you something?” She voiced.

You nodded, “Why didn’t you feel like you could talk to me about this? We’ve been friends forever Y/n/n, you know I’d never judge you…” She gently probed.

“I know Lo, I just didn’t know how to and I didn’t wanna burden you with this secret,”

“You wouldn’t have bub, I promise you,” She said her hands clasping yours.

“Does anyone else know?”

“No,” You responded, “I have no idea how I’m gonna tell my mom, or Ginny…”

Tears began to leak from your eyes once again, “Mom is gonna be so disappointed in me,” You cried, “I mean she was a teen mom, and this is literally what she has tried to prevent from happening,” 

“I’m a terrible daughter, and I’ll probably be a terrible mother too, I mean I’m only eighteen, and- and this kid is gonna have to grow up without a Dad, just like I did. They're gonna wonder why they weren’t good enough, and I-I’m gonna have to raise them by m-myself,” Your breath hitched, as you continued to cry and ramble.

“You’re gonna be a great mom, Y/n/n, if there’s one thing I’m sure of it’s that. And yeah, maybe it’s not exactly what your mom wanted but, I’m sure she’ll be supportive, especially because she knows exactly what it’s like to be a teen mom. And Ginny and Austin will probably be so excited to have a niece or nephew. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

You nodded your head, trying to believe her words.

“When are you gonna tell them?”

“I have no idea…”

。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

Marcus hadn’t talked to you since last week when you had accidentally told him you were pregnant. You hadn’t tried to reach out to him either, unsure of how to feel anymore. 

You glanced up at your mother’s dark brown eyes which were filled with shock as she tried to keep her face neutral. Your younger brother Austin was giddy with excitement, a wide grin playing on his face, Ginny’s face furrowed in worry.

You nervously played with the ring Marcus had given you when you first began dating at 15. A ring filled with false promises, empty words, and happiness that no longer remained. “I tried, I tried so hard… to prevent this, so you wouldn’t have to go through what I did,” She muttered, her tone holding a wave of slight anger to it.

 “How could you be so fucking stupid Y/n?! I mean, truly, I-I cannot believe this...” Your mother suddenly burst out.

Your mouth was agape, you were speechless. You had hoped she would’ve reacted better, but you knew better. Your bottom lip trembled, eyes shimmering with tears. “Mom!” Ginny snapped at her.

You quickly got up, making your way to your room. You were too busy trying to drown the feeling of an oncoming panic attack that you didn’t notice Marcus sat on your bed. Your breathing became more erratic, your panic causing you to not hear Marcus as he questioned if you were okay. 

“I should just get rid of it,” You sniffed, the words being filled with bitterness as they left your mouth.

“Princess?” 

You looked up, eyes now meeting Marcus’s. Your eyes widened, “What-what are you doing here?”

“You were planning on aborting our baby? Without telling me?” He accused you with belligerence.

“Marcus, I-”

“I can’t believe you, Y/n,”

“Marcus, please, let me-”

“I’m out of here,” He shook his head, leaving the way he came.

“You’re not the one who’s carrying this baby, okay, Marcus!” You called out to him, as he was midway through climbing out of your window.

He turned toward you, “Yeah, soon neither will you.” He snapped at you, slamming your window shut.

(A/N: Damn, double homicide. LMAO please tell me y’all have seen those tiktoks, if not just ignore this… 😅)

You gasped for a breath and stood frozen in place for a moment. In a fit of anger, you began flinging things across the room. A picture frame of you and Marcus went flying at your window, the force causing it to shatter. You let out a scream of frustration, as you sat on the floor, sobbing loudly, your heart physically paining you. 

Your fists met the floor, pounding on the wood, not knowing how to handle all the anger, sadness, and frustration that filled you.

When Marcus reached his room, he slammed his door in frustration and anger. Anger at himself, you, and the world. His eyes held unshed tears, his face in a scowl. He abruptly began punching his bedroom wall. Not stopping until he felt a force holding his fists back. He hadn’t realized he had been crying until he felt his tears now hitting his fists. His head fell against the wall, as Maxine pulled him into a hug, “What’s wrong Mark?” She spoke up after a few silent moments.

(A/N: I’m never using that nickname again, I’m sorry but that made me physically cringe…haha)

“Everything.” He breathed out.

Marcus had decided to confide in his twin, something he hadn’t done in a while.

“I- I haven’t been able to say it but, I-I love her, Max. I know I don’t deserve her, I’ve been treating her like crap for the past year. Our relationship has brought her nothing but pain, and I try and try to let her go. But I can’t each time I try to break it off, I end up going back to her because I can’t fucking breathe without her. I’m such a fucking asshole.” He shook his head in frustration. 

“She’s- she’s fucking pregnant, Max, I don’t- I can’t be a dad. I can barely fucking take care of myself,” He whispered, exasperation in his voice. 

“I thought for a second that maybe we could figure things out, so I went over there, and she’s fucking talking about getting rid of our baby, Max.” 

“I think- I think you need to figure out what you want, Marcus, and once you do, you need to tell Y/n alright? Because this is something big, that you both need to discuss, and you need to stop being an idiot and tell her how you really feel, instead of getting scared and running away from your feelings,” She told her brother, trying to contain her thoughts, she wanted him to come to his own decision, albeit she really excited at the thought of possibly having a niece or nephew. Preferably a niece.

。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

After Ginny and Austin had told their mom off for shouting at their hormonal, pregnant sister, Ginny texted Padma hoping she’d be able to cheer you up. Padma had shown up at your house to whisk you away for a little. Before you left you tightly hugged Ginny and Austin who had showered you with love before you left, showing they supported you in whatever you would decide to do. Their kind words brought tears to your eyes, but you blinked them away not wanting to cry anymore. As for your mom, you assumed she was hiding in her room, an attempt at hiding you from her disappointment in you.

Padma came from the even wealthier side of Wellsbury, so money was something she didn’t lack. She had taken you out for some ice cream, ordering your favorite. Once you both had finished your ice creams, she decided you both needed a mani-pedi. 

Padma had definitely helped relax you with her impromptu girl’s day. Once you guys finished at the salon, you begged Padma to let you stay the night at her house, not wanting to return to your own and possibly run into Marcus or your mother.

You were grateful when she said yes, and it was a good thing seeing as Marcus had shown up at your house, looking for you.

Ginny stood with her arms crossed, her full eyebrows raised in umbrage. Marcus nervously swallowed at your little sister’s seeming repulsiveness toward him. Before he could even utter a letter she began, “She’s not here. And even if she were, she most definitely wouldn’t want to see you.” She told him, her words filled with nothing but loathing for the boy. 

“Ginny, I-”

“You know I really don’t understand what she sees in you. You have treated her like some disposable toy for I don’t even know how long, yet somehow she still loves you.” She bit her lip in anger, “You don’t deserve her, she deserves someone way better than you, someone who actually loves her, cares about-”

“Ginny, you can say whatever you want about me, but don’t say that I don’t care about or love your sister, because I do.” He interrupted her, with anguish.

“Then act like it, Marcus!” She shouted at him, “Because you say one thing, but you do the complete opposite! You need to get your shit together before it’s too late, and she leaves you. For good. It seems like she’s this close to dropping your ass,” She gestured with her hand. 

Marcus clenched his jaw, his eyes glazing over with tears as he gave a small nod at the young girl who was grilling him, “I’m trying, Ginny.” He softly spoke.

“Well try harder, Marcus, for my sister, for your unborn child. I mean, don’t you want to be in their life?”

“I don’t know if they’re gonna have a life”

“Well, that’s something you guys need to talk about, and Marcus, please, stop hurting her,” Ginny begged.

“I promise,” He murmured his voice breaking slightly.

。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

You returned home the next day and were full-on expecting to come home and be met with an angry mom, and a torn-up room. Albeit, it was the opposite. Your eyes held a sadness in them, feeling completely lost and overwhelmed. You were surprised when you swung your door open, your mother sat on your bed in your somehow tidy room. 

She gave you a soft smile, tears in her eyes. You weren’t sure what to do, so you simply stood there, feeling shame, waiting for her to practically throw you out. You attempted to blink your tears away, hugging yourself in an attempt to comfort yourself.

“Baby… I’m- I’m so sorry for what I said yesterday.”

Your eyes were turned downward, your gaze on the floor. Suddenly you saw her feet appear in front of your own before you felt her wrap her arms around you, causing your tears to silently fall. “I should have never called you stupid, because my sweet girl you are anything but, and I am so proud of you, okay?” She said her voice full of emotion, her hand soothingly rubbing your back. 

You silently nodded, sniffles and soft whimpers leaving you. “I’m gonna be here with you baby girl, every step of the way, alright? I support you no matter what, darling, I love you so much.” She whispered as you continued to keep your head buried in the crook of her neck.

“I’m so mad at myself for what I said to you baby, please forgive me, I know what it’s like to be in your position and I really should have comforted you instead of making you feel worse.” She cradled your head in her hands, before pulling back from you, wiping your tears, and placing a kiss on your forehead.

You sat on your bed, cuddled up with your mom, being in her arms brought you the utmost comfort. Your head once again, found its place in the crook of her neck with your eyes closed. They felt so sore from all the crying you had done in the past month and a half. 

“Have you and Marcus talked about what you’re gonna do?” Your mother softly asked you.

You wordlessly shook your head ‘no’. “I think he thinks I want an abortion,” You gently voiced. “Oh, and may I ask why he thinks that?” 

“It was after I told you guys about my pregnancy, and I came up here, and I was really upset, and I said that maybe I should just abort it. I didn’t know Marcu was here and he heard me, I haven’t talked to him since.” She quietly nodded, processing your words.

“And is that what you want, baby?”

“I don’t know mama, a part of me wants to try and raise this baby but I don’t wanna do it without him, but I think I’m gonna have to.” Your voice cracked at your last words.

“If he’s in your baby’s life, is up to him. But honey, you won’t have to raise your baby alone, you’re gonna have me, Ginny, Lo, we're all gonna be here to help you and support you if you decide you want to keep this baby.”

You nodded, her words bringing some comfort to you. Your mom let out a small sigh but before she could say anything else you spoke up. “Mom, how did you decide you wanted to keep me?” You questioned her. “Honestly, honey, I just knew. I mean from the moment I found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t wait for you. I was so happy to finally be able to love someone so dearly, who’d love me just as much as I loved them. I guess in a way… it was for my own selfish reasons of wanting to feel loved, but I try not to think about that too much, and just focus on being grateful for you, and to my younger self for making the only decision that I felt was right.”

“I think, I think I wanna keep them.” You said, gently placing your palm against your tummy that’d soon grow to carry your baby.

You stayed in your mother’s loving embrace for a while longer before she moved, explaining to you she had some things she had to take care of. She sent Ginny and Austin up to cuddle you, before making her way towards the Baker’s house.

It was pure luck that Marcus happened to be walking out of his house, just as she had begun walking toward their front door. “Marcus, just the boy-soon-to-be-father, I wanted to talk to.” She smiled, a calculating smile, at the boy.

“Mrs. Miller, uh, I don’t know what to say…” He murmured.

“Well, I just wanted to come over here and congratulate you, of course. As well as to remind you that you will help raise this child and if you continue to string my daughter along, and treat her like your little plaything, you won’t get to see your child grow, let alone the light of day, okey-dokey?” Her serious expression abruptly disappeared as she once again smiled at him and patted his shoulder.

“I think this chat went splendidly, but I best get going,” She said before walking off.

Marcus was left speechless, mouth slightly ajar. He had yet to tell his parents, and he hadn’t thought you would’ve already told Georgia. His talk with Max had made him realize he needed to tell you how he felt about you and your unborn child.

You, Ginny, and Austin had just settled into a comfortable position on your queen size bed, which was oh-so-comfortable. A knock interrupted your laughter at the movie that had been playing. It caused the three of you to glance at each other before Ginny decided to go and answer it. You followed her, not wanting her to answer the door by herself. Of course, that prompted Austin to go as well.

“Ginny, wait, for-”

You were interrupted by Ginny pulling the door wide open, Marcus stood on your porch, your favorite flowers in hand and a stuffed teddy bear. He looked up as the door opened, making eye contact with Ginny, his eyes held remorse, he was ready to plead with Ginny to speak with you, however as his lips moved to form the words, his eyes caught you, as you stood a little ways behind her. 

“Y/n?” He questioned in a soft tone.

Ginny raised her full brows at the boy, unimpressed, “Y/n do you want me to-” she began but you cut her off. “It’s okay Ginny, why don’t you and Austin go watch the movie, I’ll be up soon.” You smiled at the two.

Ginny stood there for a moment before you shooed her away. Austin left after he had turned to Marcus and said, “If you hurt my sister, I’ll hurt you. Trust me, I’ve stabbed someone with a pencil before.” in a serious tone.

“I promise I won’t, not anymore.” He said with a nod of his head.

You turned back to face Marcus, you attempted to keep your guard up, arms crossed as you raised your brows expectantly at the boy, waiting for him to speak. Marcus held out the teddy bear that was half your size and the chocolates, you silently accepted them, gesturing for him to follow you to the living room. Once you had both gotten seated comfortably on the couch he spoke up.

“Bub, I am so sorry for the way I’ve been treating you and our relationship recently. I know nothing I say will excuse my actions- not that I want it to, I just, want you to know that I’m so sorry for the way I’ve acted recently. And  I-I,” He clasped his hands together before he closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion at his struggle to say whatever he was trying to say. 

Marcus opened his eyes glancing at the ceiling before returning to meet your own eyes, his brown eyes slightly glazed over. “Y/n, I love you.” Those three words were not what you were expecting Marcus to say, after all, he hadn’t said them in over a year. You tried to remain stoic, however, Marcus knew you, and he could see the tears that had welled up in your beautiful eyes. You turned away from him to wipe a stray tear that had cascaded down your cheek, you hated how hormonal your pregnancy made you. You faced Marcus once again, his eyes practically begging for you, your touch, your love. 

You gave in as you practically jumped into his arms, your head buried in his chest. He embraced you in his arms, as your eyes watered. “I’m sorry I haven’t told you I love you in so long. I just, I guess… since- Noah, I was… I don’t know, scared of losing you, and I- I tried to push you away. I could never commit though, I love you too much to ever truly let you go.” His arms tightened around you as he said those last few words. 

You sniffled you can’t believe you had never realized that maybe Marcus had been acting this way due to losing Noah, you were mad at yourself. “I’m sorry too. Sorry for not realizing, god how could I have been so insensitive, all this time…” You whimpered. 

“Princess, you have nothing to be sorry for, you were there for me through all of that, and I’m so grateful for you and so sorry I never showed you how much I appreciated it. I don’t know how I’m gonna make up all of this to you, but I will, I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy.” He said, one of his hands cradling your head in his palm. 

“And I-, if you decide that you want to keep the baby, I will try my hardest to be the best dad to them that I can.” He gently murmured. His words caused you to slightly pull away so you could meet his eyes. 

“Marcus, that day you were in my room, I-I never meant what I said,” Your voice cracked, “I was just so upset because I had told everyone about the baby and my mom didn’t really react that well… and she called me stupid, I- I overreacted and I wish I could take back what I said. I never once thought about aborting the baby, our baby.” You sniffed, as more tears fell from your eyes, prompting Marcus to wipe them. 

“I’m sorry you had to tell your family by yourself. I wanted to be there with you, and support you. I never should’ve acted like such a fucking asshole when you told me, I was just scared…and just a fucking dipshit, god. I never should have said what I said to you Y/n, and I will never ever act like that ever again. I know I’m the only person you’ve been with and I should have never questioned if the baby was mine, I was being a complete dick. I know you think I’ve been with others but I haven’t. You were my first, and only.” He said, which slightly shocked you.

“What? How did I not know that…”

“I wanted you to think I was cool and I don’t know somewhat experienced, I was dumb and immature.” He responded. You simply nodded, he was.

Marcus cleared his throat, “Y/n, I-I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore and you want to co-parent our baby. I mean- I’ve hurt you so, so much and I wish I could take back all that I did to hurt you, and all the pain that I’ve caused you. So, I-I won’t like it, but I’ll understand.”

You looked at Marcus, his eyes full of remorse, and love. “I love you so much Marcus, with all my heart. And after everything that we’ve been through, I love you just as much as the day I first met you. I still want to be with you, and raise our baby.” You smiled, your eyes scintillating with tears. “But, if you ever, ever treat me or speak to me the way you have been, I will not hesitate to end things. Because as much as I love you, I will not allow anyone to treat me like that again, let alone the father of my child.” You said, trying to keep your voice even, so he couldn’t hear the hurt. 

Marcus nodded, “Thank you, for giving me a second chance.” He said cradling your face in his hands. He began to lean in closer toward you, and you followed along, closing the distance between the two of you. As your lips met, you felt tears fall from both his and your eyes as you both poured all of your heart and love into the kiss. Your hands wrapped around his neck, one moving up into his hair and running your hands through his silky strands of hair, as you tried to pull him impossibly closer to you. Marcus was just as eager to be as close to you as possible, pulling you in his lap. 

Your lips continually met, kissing until you had to pull away to breathe.

“We're having a baby,” He said as tears of joy fell from both of your guy's eyes. You nodded, your grin matching his own. His eyes widened for a second, “What?” You questioned him.

“We still have to tell my parents.”

“Crap, and Max.” You whined.

“I already told her…”

“Oh, okay. What’d she say?” You said slightly relieved and slightly nervous.

“She didn’t really say how she felt just slapped some sense into me, but I can tell she wanted us to keep the baby..” He smiled.

“Well, I’m glad, remind me to thank her.” You returned a smile to him. He nodded, pulling you into him, once again hugging you, which you gladly accepted. You stayed like that for a couple moments. 

“Let’s go and watch the movie with Gin and Austin?” 

Marcus nodded with a smile, pulling you to stand with him. Once you both made it to your room, you smiled at the sight of your siblings cuddled together on your bed, waiting for you.

“Make some room for us?” You questioned them.

They both turned to you, raised eyebrows of curiosity. 

“We’re keeping the baby, so we’re gonna need all the help we can get.” You grinned, hand in Marcus’s own. 

Ginny and Austin had smiles plastered on their faces, as they jumped off your bed and ran towards you and Marcus, pulling both of you into a hug. This caused you and Marcus to laugh. You both had a feeling that everything would be okay. As long as you had each other and your families, you’d be able to overcome anything. 

。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

A/N: I hope this was good and I hope it made y’all cry because once my writing has brought tears to someone's eyes, I’ll know my writing is at least okay, haha. Anyways I kinda wanna write a follow-up to this like about y’all going to the first doctor appointment, and stuff like that! 

ALSO, a lot happened in this. I LOVED miller!reader,  little!sister!Ginny & BFF!Padma, but how do y’all feel about it? 🤨

don't ask about the fic name i feel like it was kinda related to the fic but also not... I was just listening to champagne problems by taylor swift & was like that’ll do 🥲

& this idea just randomly popped in my head and I had to write it and if the ending feels rushed it’s because it kinda was because I wanted to post this for y’all! 💞 

[sniigura-archive]

Adam x Reader x Mammon AU anon again.

You: You should be writing fic instead of me anon!

Also You: *Expands upon my idea in ways I didn't think of and once again proving to me you're an amazing writer <3*

READER GETTING PREGNANT TERTGDFTHYFGTHFV YESSSSS

I feel like Reader would refuse to find out who the father is cuz she KNOWS it would be a shitshow with these two either way (one claiming "ownership" of her and the kid and the other making her life miserable because of it), so as such Adam and Mammon are both the Dad That Stepped Up(tm).

They def fight over whether or not Reader should get an abortion early on (neither of them believe in women having agency over their bodies *sobs*). Adam's so offended cuz he doesn't believe in abortion and is like "how could you suggest murdering my baby????" and Mammon's like "it's a clump of cells and I can't have a pregnant bitch riding a pole" he needs Reader back to work asap. Reader decides on her own to keep it ONLY if they promise to not make her life hell for it (or else bye bye snu snu). Mammon begrudgingly gives her paid leave and Adam begrudgingly accepts that Reader is keeping her job.

When the baby comes the men def both spoil the shit out of them. Adam happily offers to babysit/help out with anything no questions asked, Mammon gives Reader all the money she needs and more for the baby and buying the kid all the best toys and clothes. Reader has the main authority on how the kid will be raised (she does not want her kid to end up like either of them lmao) and the boys just gotta accept it like Yes Ma'am.

WAHHH THANK UU but if you ever need help to like brain storm stuff for a fanfic im your man my dms are always open for that i love going through ideas so much RAHHH

mammon: i can’t have a pregnant bitch riding the pole

adam: why not? pregnant bitches are hot as fuck

reader fighting off pregnancy nausea: can you both leave now pls

reader is so done with these sexists guys 😭 she’s aware that technically she doesn’t need them and she can just leave for another city. she has made enough good financial decisions to make her be able to live a comfortable life with her child with no problems

reader says neither of them will be the father and then they’re like „who else were you fucking 🤨🤨🤨“ NO ONE YOURE JUSZ ANNOYING!!!! reader is lucky the baby is her carbon copy other wise both of them would throw hands with each other

adam probably says it’s his since she has been with mammon for longer and all it takes is one night with him to get knocked up because he’s just that good

i think it’d be interesting once reader is too far along to continue working at the club if that’s when glitz and glam make an appearance. they really want to steal that spot of being favourites with all the benefits. they’re very willing to fill in all the spots. mammon considers it for a hot sec but then he visits reader and is pissed the fuck off that he actually genuinely likes reader. the realisation hits him like a truck

adam and mammon refuse to acknowledge that they’re basically in a poly relationship now with you. they get along surprisingly well as long as the topic isn’t you and the baby. as soon as it’s about you and the baby they remember they are Sworn Enemies

but it also gets very annoying for reader when they agree on something because they’re soo stubborn 😭 poor woman. should have moved away lmaoo

THEM AS DADS!!! precious as fuck. imagine if it’s a girl shishsjs girl dads…….little girl who looks like reader so she has wrapped them around her finger. who can say no to such a cute face 😔

[aingeal98]

so, steph in the canon text choose to carry her pregnancy to term and give her child up for adoption. this is generally understood to be bc the writer of that issue/run was pro life, but taking the text at face value, what does it say that steph chose what she chose? is it coherent with her character? could it be read as another symptom of internalized mysoginy? or is it incoherent with her character/would it be more thematically interesting to have her have an abortion?

Really really good question I've been mulling this over in my head for weeks. To answer the last question first, I honestly think the issue with the pregnancy arc is less about the choices Steph makes and more to do with how clunkily anti abortion Chuck Dixon is. Like I do think it's very possible to be fully pro choice but also unwilling to abort your own pregnancy. I fought alongside my friends to repeal the abortion ban in Ireland but at the same time I can never picture myself ever getting one, because for me the second I become aware of it it's real to me, not just a clump of cells. But I know full well that's just my own sentimentality and there's no scientific backing, like logically it IS just a clump of cells and also there's a whole patriarchal society dedicated to stopping women from having bodily autonomy, which is why I'd never try and push that belief on others or discourage them from whatever choice they feel is best. So basically I would struggle hard to ever do it, but if you want to, hell yeah abort that thang! No judgement from me or moral reasoning needed from you.

And because of this I could see Steph being the same. I could even see certain story beats playing out the same if they were allowed just a bit more nuance instead of being a conservative after school special. Steph lashing out at her mom and counsellor for suggesting an abortion, not because it's a Bad Thing to do but because it feels to her like her mom is already trying to sweep this under the rug like it never happened, and Steph herself hasn't even come to terms with it. Steph feeling isolated from her peers, again highly plausible it just needs better dialogue than what we got in the original. We could even have scenes of Steph grappling with the idea of an abortion, and wondering how much of her aversion to it is her own choice and how much is internalized misogyny. I think her arc of deciding to have the baby and give it up works best, although a well written abortion au would be super interesting to read.

So basically for me the choices Steph makes in the original run are very coherent with her character, and what actually makes it fall flat is the clunky dialogue and heavy handed anti abortion writing. If Steph was written by someone other than Chuck Dixon during that time, I could see her being pro choice while also being unwilling to abort the baby herself. And it could have been written with a lot more nuance and acknowledgement of what teen mothers go through, instead of just what Chuck Dixon thought Good Teen Moms should do and say in this filthy world of liberal values.

From what we got in canon, I'd say Steph probably grew out of the anti abortion mindset as she got older. I don't think she'd ever regret her decision, but I do see her looking back and cringing at some of the ways she acted because wow the internalized misogyny JUMPED out. And if she ever came across another sobbing teenager with a positive pregnancy test, I'd say modern adult Steph would make sure they knew all their options with zero judgement. And helping that young girl would probably dredge up a million different emotions that she would struggle to name.

So tl:dr, taking the text at face value Steph has boatloads of internalized misogyny specifically around abortion. But I don't actually think her choices are out of character, more so that the entire narrative is written less as a story and more as a moralizing conservative rant on pro life where everyone feels like a caricature. It would actually be quite simple to tweak the dialogue and clunky scenes and end up with similar character choices just... better written. Where her mom and counsellors aren't evil for suggesting abortion but Steph still feels hurt and lashes out anyway. Where her peers say the wrong things and leave her feeling alienated. Where she weighs her options and gets more narrative space to mull over all the consequences. It would be my preferred way to rewrite the arc, but there are a lot of changes that could be made and I'm open to reading about all of them.

Thank you for the ask! Sorry it took so long to respond I was chewing over the whole concept haha.

[sserpente]

A/N. Request by @eleniblue. This turned out a lot darker and more demanding than I anticipated. Best example for “characters do what they want”. Oh well! ;-)

Words: 1356 Warnings: President Loki being President Loki, implied dub-con smut, lots of talk of politics

Loki—no, President Loki—flicked through the pages of your file filled to the brim with several arrests from your countless protests, articles you wrote for non-profit organisations and all of your previous demands and proposals to the White House, all of which had fallen on deaf ears. The United States of America was one sexist country when it came down to it. You clenched your fists. How was it a man got to decide over your body? Where did the notion of men being smarter come from? Because they could pee standing up with a fleshy noodle?

“You have caused quite a stir among my male senators,” he said without looking up. Rude. And what was even ruder was the fact that he was outrageously handsome and charming.

“Oh yeah? Did I make them uncomfortable?” You lifted your chin, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Loki chuckled. “Very much so.”

“Good.”

“So much so, in fact, that they begged me to muzzle you when I first brought you up, did you know?” Finally, the new head of the country met your piercing gaze. “Your file is impressive. You have made quite a name for yourself.” You shivered when he spoke your full name. “I have been looking forward to finally meeting you.”

He made it seem like it had been his idea to meet you and listen to what you had to say and that pissed you off. Arsehole. You scoffed.

“I can’t say the feeling is mutual considering how you came to sit in that chair in the first place, Mr. President.”

But the truth was, you had requested an audience with the God of Mischief. Perhaps it was selfish, insane even… but when everyone’s life got turned upside down and a literal god declared he would now be ruling this realm as its king, part of you had seen the tiniest glimmer of hope. Hope that he, unlike the human presidents, would listen to reason and support the idea of feminism rather than fight it and act all hurt like a lost little puppy.

Loki smiled at you—almost as if he knew something you did not which was probably the case. He was making you nervous, you were not going to deny that. But then again, the whole point of your visit was to convince him of your opinion. For that, you had to be confident. It was surprising enough he had agreed to meet you in the first place.

“Is that so? I must admit, I did expect a little more politeness and respect. You want something from me, do you not?”

You cleared your throat. “Yes. I came here to tell you about me. About us. Hundreds of women have already joined our cause, thousands more online across the country.”

“And what do you want?” he asked as if he already knew.

You sat up straight. “We want equality. We want the same pay for the same work, we want autonomy over our own bodies and we want fairness in all aspects of life. Most importantly though… we want you to end the abortion ban immediately.”

Loki considered your words for a moment. “Well, I will need some more details than that to change the laws in your favour of your… what is you mortals call it? Feminism?”

“You could at least let me explain… wait, what?” You paused, processing his words. Make changes to the law?

“I see here the reasons for your protests and marches are quite legitimate. In fact, it baffles me women appear to have fewer rights in this realm. If they are dependent on men when it comes to reproduction, it does not surprise me you demand your voice and scream it from the rooftops.” Your lips parted. He… agreed? “Your work has been impressive so far. You are a born leader it seems, and you have a way with words.”

With a start, excitement rippled through your entire body. “I… I can help. I have spent months drafting new and adjusted bills…”

Loki lifted his hand, silencing you. “It will take time. The senators are quite terrified of simple equality merely because it would threaten their privileged status.”

“Let them be,” I breathed out.

Loki smirked. “I cannot forgo them all, you see. That would be very unwise of me to do. Most humans are quite narrow-minded but the senators are amenable and I intend to rule this realm your trusted way, whether you like it or not.”

“They already know about all of my proposals and they know what I stand for. How long do you expect us to wait?” Gosh, this was brilliant… this was the furthest you had ever gotten! Had you just called him an arsehole before? You hadn’t meant it, you…

“Let that be my concern. But rest assured it will be done. You will see the results soon. Ambition and persistence such as yours should be rewarded. I admit it was quite bold of you to request a meeting with me.” Your heart skipped a beat. What you didn’t expect was that your pussy would clench at his praise.

“Oh my god… thank you. Thank you! You have no idea how much this means for our progress. We have been fighting for our rights for years. The abortion ban was such a setback and now…”

“Stop,” Loki interrupted you, surprisingly gentle. “We haven’t spoken about what you can offer me in return for my generosity yet.”

Your smile faded.

“Now, now, don’t look so frightened, pet. All I ask for is your support. A lot of people look up to you. You will tell them you support the new president and that you will serve him with pride. Can you do that for me?”

You gnashed your teeth. “I’m not going to lie to anybody.”

“I am not asking you to. I want you to show them the excitement you have shown me just now.” He leaned forward, looking you directly in the eye.

“F-fine.” You were so close. You had nothing to lose at this point.

Loki chuckled. He stood, slowly walking around the massive mahogany desk. You swallowed when he grabbed your chin faster than you were able to react. “Good. Then let us seal the deal, shall we? Kneel.”

“W-what?”

“Kneel before your king. You want my support, you give me your submission, pet. And don’t deny it. I have seen the way you first looked at me when you entered the room. Ah, was that… lust I just saw flickering in those pretty eyes?” Your eyes widened, the atmosphere in the entire room shifting within a fraction of a second. His dominance nearly knocked you backward, his sudden interest in you intimidating and… exciting. Or had he just been hiding it before? Was this why he had agreed to meet you in the first place, you thought, panicking?

“You wish,” you choked out, pressing your legs together in a desperate attempt to hide the effect he had on you… and your body. Because he was right. Something had been wrong with you since the very moment you had walked into the room and you hated yourself for it. You had prayed Loki wouldn’t notice but it seemed the God of Mischief was incredibly perceptive.

“Hmm… I believe my price for your proposal just… increased.”

Your eyes widened. “You… you fucking wouldn’t.”

“And you have quite the mouth on you.”

“That defeats the entire purpose of what you just agreed to help me with!”

“Does it now? Your body begs to differ, pet. But be that as it may…” He forced you to your knees with a start, an invisible force pulling you toward the marble floor. You gasped, looking up at him. “You would do well to remember I am not one of your precious Avengers. Self-righteousness is not my style. You came here with a proposal, pet. And I will give you what you need the way I see fit.”

You swallowed. You had a feeling he wasn’t talking about women’s rights anymore and the worst part was that part of you was enjoying it.

A/N: Check out my blog for more Imagines and my original novel(s)! ♥

[s-4pphics]

let the rain sing. interlude (a.a)

wc;cw: 6k, dadsbestfriend!abby, lawstudent!oc, large age gap (oc is 25, abby is mid 40s), abby is bi<3, fluff, HEAVY ANGST ANGST ANGST!!, childbirth, vomiting, blood, brief mentions of abortion, descriptions of insomnia, alcoholism, familial death, heavy descriptions of grief (depression, dissociation, anger), suicidal ideation, funerals & hospitals

Abby was conflicted when she found out she was pregnant. 

She was ecstatic to start her term at Harvard Law due to some internship offers she received, but her excitement swiftly dissipated when waves of nausea started to overtake her. 

She wasn’t concerned with the feeling at first. The fall term was always the most unpredictable for weather, and she assumed it was just the flu that often went around. Humiliation rushed through her when another wave hit during her sociology course, rushing out into the hallway to bend over the nearest trash, vomiting up her favorite brown sugar oatmeal from that morning. 

She decided to see a doctor three days later when the sickness continued. She couldn’t get her test results the same day due to her hectic schedule and exhaustion from studying, so she opted to request them in the mail, despite her gynecologist’s urgency. 

When she received her results two days later, her heart sank. 

She paced around the small living room of her boyfriend’s apartment with anxiety in her gut and love in her heart. She’d been in complete disbelief, crumpling the urine test in her hands and throwing them onto the coffee table. 

Her mind was racing a million miles per minute: How was she going to explain to her boyfriend—her parents— that she would be keeping her child no matter what? Her parents promised to be supportive of her if she stayed in school, but she was almost positive that they would disapprove of her baby. She didn’t care if they supported her or not, but she didn’t want to raise her children in an unstable environment. She wanted to give them the best of everything, of herself, but she couldn’t do that then. Her boyfriend had already been working like a dog to keep this place afloat, and a baby would be a burden for both of them.

But she knew she wanted to be a mother when she was young. She had a large family, but she always gravitated towards her younger relatives due to their liveliness. They made her feel joy that she knew she missed out on growing up, so she lived through them. They revived her in a sense. The circumstances were different in her mind when she envisioned herself as a parent: she was older, successful, married to the love of her life, and not regretting any of her decisions. She would’ve been happy. Excited and thankful for the blessing she believed kids to be. 

Seeing the news terrified her and almost sent her spiraling into panic; She was only twenty-three! 

She loved children. They always flocked to her when she was growing up, whether it be her younger siblings, cousins, nieces and nephews, or random people’s toddlers in grocery stores garbling at her from their cart seat. She never felt annoyed towards her younger family members. She always held them tight so they knew how much she loved them, no matter how much they got on her fucking nerves sometimes. 

What teenager volunteers to babysit her big sister’s toddlers on the weekends? 

… Abigail. 

She was a nervous wreck while she waited for her boyfriend to come home from work. She’d been sobbing for hours, but she managed to calm herself down by staring at her frantic form in the bathroom mirror. 

She couldn’t think straight with the pounding in her head, nervously bouncing her leg as she sat on the couch as she bit her nails.

And then their front door unlocked. 

Abby… oh my god… I’m—

We’re pregnant? Oh my fucking god, we’re pregnant! 

We’re having a baby?! I’m gonna be a dad! 

Abby was not expecting her boyfriend to drop the wrinkly papers and lift her into the air in a heap of excitement, drowning her in tight grasps and kisses to her mouth and cheek. She cried harder; His joy was so comforting. 

She wasn’t going to be alone during her pregnancy, and she was grateful. 

Abby dropped out of Harvard three months into her pregnancy. 

Her and her newfound husband eloped at their town’s small lake at the end of his third year at law school, and they moved in together shortly after so she didn’t have to move around as much. She knew carrying was difficult, but her hair was falling out and she sobbed whenever her husband asked her what she wanted for dinner. 

You’re so sweet! I can’t help it, okay?! Leave me alone!

She and her husband were left to fend for themselves during her first trimester. 

Her parents did not take kindly to her pregnancy announcement. She was always super close with her parents growing up despite their overprotective nature, and she hardly ever fought with them. Whenever they expressed their disapproval of her decisions, she bowed her head and left without rebuttal. 

She expected the worst when she and her husband invited them over for dinner to announce it to them properly, and that’s exactly what she got. 

Abigail… Are you fucking kidding me!

What the hell is a child going to do for you right now?

Do you understand how much you’re giving up? You have so much to lose!

You’re cut off unless you… handle that!

Her husband took over the conversation with a sharp, defensive tongue since the pounding of her head made her shut down. She was so fucking nauseas at their suggestions. She did consider an abortion a couple of weeks into her pregnancy, but the way her parents talked down about her future baby broke her heart and pissed her off. 

Her husband's booming shouts at her parents would have triggered her defense for them under any other circumstances, but she only felt protected as he told them to fuck off! She knew she was loved by him to an infinite degree. Appreciation for her husband bloomed inside of her like roses.

Her parents left with a loud slam of their front door, and her husband held her as she sobbed at the table. 

The food he prepared for everyone ran cold. Neither of them could stomach anything for the next few days. 

Abby’s third trimester was the most difficult, for both her and her husband. 

She never experienced this much pain in her life. 

She was six months along, and it really took a toll on her body. Her ankles were swollen, her ligaments were aching, and her joints would not stop popping whenever she moved around the tiny one-bedroom apartment. Her hair loss made her too anxious to leave the house, and she hated how superficial she felt whenever she would weep because of it when her husband was at work. At least her nausea subsided. 

She hated looking at herself in the mirror: her under eyes were dark and droopy, small bald spots littered behind her hairline, dark patches littered her skin. She looked fifty years older, and she hated it. 

But her husband never failed to kiss away her insecurities. Appreciate them. Drown them in affection no matter how much she cried about hating herself. 

He worked so hard for them to stay afloat: two jobs while keeping up with his course and nearly drowning in his studies. He suffered some pushback due to the transition from a full to part-time student, but he was doing his best to finish as quickly as possible. 

Abby cried every night as his exhausted form slept next to her. 

She felt so… useless. She watched her husband bust his ass, get fired from previous jobs, get turned down from decent-paying jobs, and she couldn’t help but feel responsible for his weariness. He looked just as worn as she did, and she loathed herself for putting all of this responsibility on him. 

He never complained, though. He would come home with takeout, kiss her head, tell her how much he loved her and how all of this would be worth it. 

Was the decision to keep her baby selfish? 

She didn’t know at that time. 

Abby had a premature birth. 

She’d finally gathered the courage to go shopping with her husband for decorations for the nursery, but the trip was cut short when she began having contractions in the middle of the toy aisle. 

They awoke her earlier that day: the cramps always brought her discomfort, but she noticed that the intensity was different. They shot through her much more harshly than they should’ve, but they eventually stopped, so she paid them no mind. 

Until she was hunched over the stocked shelves as her husband tried to get her into the nearest empty seat. 

She breathed out harsh cries of the baby, my baby as her husband frantically dialed for an ambulance despite her protests. The pain she felt burned whenever it flashed through her lower body, a constant push downward, and she knew something was wrong.

Her mind was racing as anxiety rushed through her body; she thought back to her frequent hospital visit. She knew a premature birth would be a possibility due to some complications with her cervix, but it was still early. She’d just reached the seven-month period, for fucks sake!

She could barely make it outside when the ambulance arrived, her vision foggy and she couldn’t stop sobbing, the paramedics’ voices sounding like bleating alarms in her ears whenever they attempted to calm her. She couldn’t bring herself to care about anything as she came in and out of consciousness, the only thing on her mind being the image of her happily crying husband holding their newborn for the first time. 

Please let my baby be okay, please, please, please—

Abby couldn’t stop sobbing. She never thought that conceiving would cause a stabbing pain in her heart. 

She went hysterical when she overheard that her baby wasn’t breathing, her heart rate monitor going out of whack as her lungs burned from her ragged breaths. Her husband tried to calm her down with his soft touches and words, but it only made her cry harder. She needed to hold her baby!

Her labor had already been nerve-racking, full of uncertainty and left her and her husband panic stricken for hours despite the doctors’ instructions to keep calm. When her infant was rushed into another room, her husband, and other doctors had to pin her down to keep her from thrashing from panic in her hospital bed. 

She didn’t stop until another doctor returned and told her husband that their daughter would be closely monitored while on ventilation for the rest of the week.

Please, can I see my baby? Please, please?—

But her cries were gently denied due to their infant’s extremely fragile state. They tried to comfort her as much as they could, but none of their soft words, husband’s cuddles and meals, or warm, fuzzy socks soothed her. 

She and her husband were released days later with an empty car-seat filled with stuffed animals and a pacifier. 

Their hearts were vacant. 

Their home was soulless for two weeks. 

No baby crying, no diaper changing, no breastfeeding. They didn’t even have the heart to finish decorating for the nursery. 

Abby watched her husband move on autopilot, waking up, going to work, going to class, and struggling to sleep. His insomnia had increased drastically ever since she gave birth, heavy bags forming under his eyes as he launched himself into his notetaking in the middle of the night. His desk was swamped with hefty books and sloppily stacked paper, murmuring to himself so he could memorize the necessary vocabulary. 

She was overcome with failure and nearly drowned in self-loathing. Failure as a wife, as a parent. She couldn’t protect and care for her baby how she wanted, and guilt rested heavily with intent to crush her. 

They both couldn’t speak, only whispering soft I love you so much before she slipped off into dreamland, her subconscious terrorized with images of her smiling baby girl who she prayed to see soon. 

When Abby’s husband got the call from their daughter’s doctor, they both rushed to the hospital. 

Abby’s raging nausea was quickly soothed by the doctor’s delighted face upon their arrival before ushering them to his office. 

I’m excited to tell you two that your daughter’s stable! She’s quite small, but she’s healthy! We do have some extra caretaking rules—

They could barely understand the doctor’s rambling due to their excitement of seeing their newborn for the first time. The doctor handed her husband paperwork before leading them down the long hallway. They nearly toppled over each other as they followed the doctor, bursting into the room that held newborns and other premature infants. 

They followed the doctor to their child’s incubator, and immediately burst into tears at the sight of their little—very little—angel. 

She was wrapped in an oversized onesie and booties that nearly slipped off her tiny feet. That was the first time they both saw her eyes open, and they couldn’t control their emotions as they sobbed from pure joy. 

They were so eager to hear the news from the doctor that Abby’s husband left the car seat in the vehicle. He probably looked crazy as he sobbingly retreated to the car with a strong love in his heart. 

Abby was first to hold their baby. She took note of the pediatrician’s instructions when wrapping her in blankets whenever her feet felt cold. 

When she felt the light weight of her child in her arms, she felt the purest form of love explode in her chest. She didn’t know how long she’d been crying and cooing at the bundle of joy, inhaling her scent in the crook of her neck, but she never wanted that feeling to dissipate. 

When her husband returned with the car seat and small bag, he kissed his daughter’s head so lightly. She cooed at him, and he and Abby squealed as the doctors giggled. 

They finally had their baby Mya in their grasp, and they left with light searing in their hearts. 

Their first few months with a newborn were rough. 

Loud crying. Dirty diapers. Frantic schedules. No fucking rest for either of them. But they both knew they wouldn’t trade the chaos of their small home for anything. It was all worth it when Mya kicked her feet when she looked at the twinkly star stickers on the ceiling before bed and garbled at the two of them. 

Abby never thought breastfeeding would be as taxing as it was. She woke up to her breasts feeling like rocks, their child’s cries wracking through the nursery. At least her hair started to grow back. 

Her husband was always awake in the wee hours of the morning, dragging himself into Mya’s small nursery like a zombie to feed and nuzzle her. Abby loved walking in on the two of them sleeping whenever she finished pumping, Mya pulled close to her father’s chest. 

The sight of their synced breaths always calmed her; She fell asleep with ease knowing they were together.

Toddlers were… interesting. 

Abby, in all her years of being surrounded by children, never witnessed a toddler reenact fish… noises? Since when did fish make noise?

Abby’s husband mistakenly left Animal Plant playing on their television while he snored on the couch with books on his chest and lap, and Abby drowsily entered the living room to shut off the loud narrations about extinction. 

Only to catch their baby girl bouncing up and down on the cushion next to her slumped dad, puffing her cheeks together and making quiet blubblubblub noises, just like the intensified audio from the television. 

She tried to regret teaching her baby how to take her first steps and get out of her crib on her own, but the sight made her heart brighten as she smiled to herself. 

She eased towards the couch, taking a seat next to an excited Mya as she watched the aquatic life interact with each other. Her smile widened at the sight of her mom, her tiny, stubby finger coming up towards her lips while she pointed towards her dad. Abby grinned and nodded with her, filling her cheeks with air like she saw her child do before she interrupted. Mya laughed quietly and copied her mom. 

She promised to scold her for being up way past her bedtime later. 

Mya fell asleep on Abby’s chest as she listened to the sound of the ocean. 

Mya had just turned four when Abby received a call from her mother. 

She hadn’t heard from her parents in years, and frankly, she didn’t want to. She could tell that her husband was a bit hurt that they didn’t congratulate him for receiving his law degree, but he was able to let it go, especially since his baby girl gave him the fattest kiss on the cheek in a small celebration.  

… Hi, honey. I know it’s been a while since, uh… since we’ve talked but… I just wanted to say I love you… and tell my granddaughter I said happy birthday… We love you all very much. I hope we can all meet again soon. Bye.

The voicemail made her eyes burn with sadness. Then anger, then love. She missed her parents immensely, but she would never be able to forget how they reacted to her pregnancy. Mya quickly became her source of happiness the second she was born, and she couldn’t imagine what her life would be if she never had her baby. 

She knew she would have to reconnect with her family at some point, but Mya would always come first. If her parents were to ever make Mya feel like her future was ruined because of her, Abby would be fine with never speaking to them again, no matter how much it would hurt. 

Abby jumped when she felt two small hands grab the fat on her wet cheeks, pressing slobbery kisses to both. 

Don’t cry, mommy! S’gonna be okay! I love you!

Abby shouldn’t have cried harder, but she did, choking out a sob as she tried to smile for her daughter. 

I know, baby. I love you so much. Everything’s gonna be fine. 

She hoped—prayed her daughter was right.

Abby and her small family’s lives changed so much in just a few months. 

Her husband found a stable job as a document clerk at a law firm, and they were able to move out of his dingy apartment into a decent one story after some months. It wasn’t anything extravagant, but they were happy. 

The bags under her husband's eyes have lessened in shade ever since his graduation. He also gathered time to eat with her at their small dining table instead of eating at his computer desk alone. They were finally comfortable. 

They bought Mya anything she wanted to make up for her disappointing birthday parties. 

Abby took note of her daughter's love for water. 

She always used to play various audios of rainfall and ocean waves for a sleepy Mya until she was two, but she didn’t expect the soothing technique to explode into her four-year-old playing in puddles and obsessively watching the rain through the glass backdoor. 

She watched Mya sit and stare out the wet windows, quietly humming lullabies to herself until she slipped into rest, gently snoring against the couch cushions. Abby never took kindly to Spring due to her allergies, but she was happy her baby found comfort in it. 

She told her husband about their daughter’s new habit when he returned from work one day, and he thought it was the most precious thing in the world. He wished he could’ve been present to see it. 

Maybe she wants to be a fish! We should take her to the lake one day. 

Abby scheduled swimming lessons for Mya that very next week. 

It was confirmed. Mya was a mermaid in her past life. 

She was a bit intimidated by the large pool when they arrived for her first lesson, but after a few sessions with her swim teacher, she stubbornly protested wearing her purple and blue floaties. 

C’mon, honey! Put your arm through so we can go swimming! 

No, mommy, no! 

She felt a bit of jealousy build in her gut when her daughter’s swim teacher gently pulled her stubby arms and legs into the little floaties without fail. She could hear Mya’s joyous giggle as she slapped the water around, practicing her paddling with her instructor’s support. 

Abby begrudgingly ate her Cheetos with a pout on her face from the poolside chair. 

Mya was five when she met her extended family for the first time. 

Her birthday had just passed, and Abby’s mom rang her line, inviting her family over for a small dinner. C’mon, sweetie! I just wanna see my granddaughter! 

Abby was not surprised when the “small dinner” turned out to be a full-fledged surprise party for Mya: balloons everywhere, a large cake with a Barbie doll in the middle, all her cousins, aunts, and uncles jumping with party hats. 

Mya was more than giddy at the sight, squealing and running over to the only auntie she knew, but Abby and her husband were a bit skeptical. It’d been a long while since they’d been in this environment, and they were very uneasy. But their little angel was so happy, so they pushed their edginess to the side. For her. 

The party went smoothly for the most part, despite their initial feelings, but Abby and her parents did get into a small scuffle in the backyard. It took everything not to snatch the icing-littered fork from Mya’s hand and make their exit. 

You have to understand where I’m coming from! Imagine if someone you loved told you to get rid of your kids when you were pregnant! Would you not feel disappointed?

I wouldn’t! I would understand that they had my best interest in mind, regardless of the situation! 

… I can’t believe the both of you. You’re really gonna stand by that? On her fucking birthday?

Abby’s husband politely thanked everyone for the gifts and food, but he knew it was time to go by the tense expression on his wife’s face. She thanked him for his intuition every day; She was about to cause a wreckage on that patio. 

He picked up his tired baby girl from her resting spot on the couch, grabbed his keys, and ushered his wife out the door without another word. 

Abby silently cried the entire ride home, her husband's hand enclosed tightly around hers, resting in her lap. 

Abby and her husband decided to take Mya to the lake where they got married for her seventh birthday. 

She could finally swim without assistance, and they wanted her to live out her mermaid fantasy. 

They made an entire weekend out of it: kayaking, fishing, wakeboarding. Mya looked so happy the entire time, completely engulfed with her love for nature. They'd never seen her so explorative; She wanted to see everything the trip had to offer. Including the sunset at the highest point of the hiking trail. 

Honey, we’re getting old! We can’t run that fast anymore! 

Hurry up, lugs! We have to make it to the top before the sun sets! C’mon!

Before they left the campgrounds, Abby shoved her camera into her husband’s hands, tossing all her bags to the floor and pulling her daughter up onto her back, listening to her laugh as she yelled at her husband to take a picture of them in front of her favorite place. 

How the hell do you use this, Abby?!

Just take the damn picture before I fall!

The swear jar is gonna be filled before we leave! Stop cursing, old heads! 

Okay, 1, 2, 3! Say cheese!

Abby and her daughter squealed as the camera flashed in front of them, the grounds filled with the family’s joyous laughter. 

Abby noticed changes in her husband’s behavior. 

He came home from work smelling of liquor, and their cabinets were becoming stocked with tequila and aged bottles of wine. At first, she assumed he was just going out with his work friends after his shift, but when he jokingly expressed to her that he needed liquor to sleep one morning, she grew concerned. Her husband developed sleeping problems years ago, but he never went into detail about it. She felt so guilty. 

When Abby gently expressed her worries to him one night before bed, he blew up on her. It was the first time they ever fought. Ever. 

I’m fucking stressed, Abigail! I have so much to take care of and I’m not getting any fucking help from you! I can’t fucking sleep anymore! 

Do you know how many times I begged you to let me fucking work! You always said no because of Mya! And keep your fucking voice down, my daughter’s sleeping!

Oh, now she’s your daughter?! Really? 

Her husband went to sleep on the couch that night while Abby quietly sobbed as she checked on her daughter, relieved at her snoring, unmoving form. She didn’t need to hear any of that. 

She cried herself to sleep. 

She woke up to the smell of sweetness and coffee. She drowsily rubbed her eyes and entered the kitchen, her husband already sat and sipping his coffee, looking just as exhausted as she felt. 

They ate their breakfast in silence before her husband broke it, tearfully mumbling out his apologies. 

You and Mya are my life. I love you both so much. I’m gonna get help, I swear. I hate feeling like this. 

Abby trusted him; He had her full support. 

Mya loved riding her new, pink bike in the rain. 

The streets were empty and quiet when it poured heavily, and the vacant roads made for a great practice track. Her father gifted her a tricycle for her eighth birthday, and she couldn’t separate from it. She rode it up and down the street for hours, only to run inside with her clothes completely drenched, change into dry ones, and run back outside and hop onto her new ride. 

She begged her mom to buy her an actual bicycle because she felt like she was ready for one, and she gave in to her daughter’s pouty face. She couldn’t deny her; she was too cute! 

After many scraped knees and elbows, she was gliding through the streets on her two-wheeler with ease through the rain. She was happy, so Abby was too. 

Her husband returned to his normal behavior a year later. 

The cabinets and garbage cans were no longer stocked with bottles, and he didn’t smell of Tequila anymore. It was relieving, and she was so proud. 

When Abby’s husband asked her on a date, her heart pounded against her chest like she was about to have her first kiss again. 

She came home from shopping, dripping wet from the heavy rain, to a bouquet of flowers and a sloppily written note, dotted with hearts and little sparkles. 

Taking Mya to see Ross’s daughter. Picking you up at 7:30. I love you. 

Hubby. 

Abby rang her sister as she bolted up the stairs with a wide grin on her face. 

She finally had an excuse to wear her fancy, rosy-red dress!

Abby grew nervous when her husband hadn’t answered the phone. Four times in a fucking row. 

They were already a half hour late for their reservation, and Abby’s sister and youngest nephew were patiently waiting for her husband and Mya to walk through the front door. 

She bit and picked the rosy polish off her nails despite her sister’s protests. 

Girl, they’re fine! Probably just traffic, it’s pouring! Be patient for once before you sweat your make-up off. 

Abby knew her sister was right, but she couldn’t ignore the feeling of unease in her gut. Her husband was a lot of things, but he was never late, especially without warning. Something didn’t feel right. 

She never considered herself superstitious, but she felt the loud rumbles of thunder were confirmations of her suspicions.

An hour passed, and Abby couldn’t breathe. 

When her husband’s bone-shattering, slurry cries rang through her speaker, terror shook through her body like the lightning bolts that shone behind the clouds. She was instantly panic-stricken, trying to make out the words that vibrated her ears. 

She looked at her sister with fear and confusion before the words Mya… hit… car… bike tore through the line like a knife, piercing her in her chest with intent to kill. 

She couldn’t breathe or think, and her phone dropped from her hands before the world around her went dark. 

Abby looked down at her drunk husband as he crouched on the slippery, black pavement, grabbing at her ankles, and sounding like he would cough his lungs up as he cried her name, wailing out apologies. 

She doesn’t know how she got to her mutual friend’s neighborhood, or why her husband's cries were gut-wrenching, or why she was sitting in the back of an ambulance with the oxygen mask still strapped around her head. 

… Why wasn’t Mya sitting next to her, holding her hand, and telling her everything was going to be okay? 

Her sister and nephew were sobbing as a police officer explained the events of the scene, but Abby couldn’t hear anything. She refused to hear the poisonous words they spewed at her about their child. All she had to do was wait for her baby girl to run up and whine about how much she missed her. 

She would come. She thought. She would. She would. She would. 

… Hit and run… We’re so sorry… loss. 

Abby shook her head and her nails dug into her palms.

She would come. Her baby would come. She loved the rain too much; She would never miss a thunder show. She would come. 

The blaring rumbles that rang through the sky confirmed it. Her baby would come. The universe believed it, so she had to. 

Abby looked up from the broken man in front of her and caught a glimpse of the mangled, pink bicycle and stretcher that was draped in a white sheet, surrounded by people dressed in black coats and badges with their heads bowed. The outline of the body underneath the pale, red-speckled covering was small, unmoving… Looked too much like—

Her head dropped right back to her choking husband. 

No, no, no! She would come, she would come, she would come—

An hour passed, and the rain stopped. 

Mya never came. Abby couldn’t stop screaming. 

Abby hated hospitals. 

The paramedics were fearful of leaving her and her husband alone in their hysteria, suggesting to detectives that they should return to the hospital until they were stable. 

She never thought she would distance herself from her husband; She even shocked herself when she harshly shoved him away from her when he reached for a hug. His devastated expression tore her heart to shreds, but she couldn’t look at him, hold him, bear to smell the alcohol that masked the formerly comforting scent of his cologne. Not at that moment. 

They were placed in separate rooms for the night, and Abby wanted to die. 

She heard the broken hollers and whimpers of her parents and siblings out in the hallway as the doctors explained the situation. She felt like she would suffocate if she stayed trapped in this bed any longer. 

Everything’s fine. Everything’s fine, everything’s fine—

Her brain’s chants were paused by her screeching sobs as her eyes squeezed shut, bile creeping up her throat despite her attempts to swallow. Her throat was dry, and each choking gulp felt like shards of glass that sliced through her esophagus, all the way down to her stomach. She couldn’t fucking breathe. 

She heard the heart rate monitor increase in beeps beside her as she wailed, a few nurses urgently reentering the room to try and calm her down. She felt like her throat was bleeding with each shout of her daughter’s name. 

Mya was dead, and she desperately wanted to join her, souls entangled for eternity. 

Three days passed. Abby hated the world. 

Her and her husband sat in his parked car in front of their home, staring straight ahead as rain poured from the sky. 

They said nothing to each other; they hadn’t even looked in each other’s direction since they left the hospital. 

Abby felt tears jerk in her dry, lifeless eyes, allowing them to stream down her face, matching the pace of the heavy droplets that hit the window. She thought that she was hallucinating; She could almost hear her daughter’s cheerful laugh coming from outside.

She slowly turned her head towards their home, and bile rose her throat at the sight of her daughter’s discarded, pink tricycle that lay flat on the porch. She hadn’t touched it in a while, thanks to her new bike. 

She opened the passenger door and threw up on the side of the road as her husband sobbed next to her. 

She wanted to die and, deep in her empty gut, she knew he desired the same. 

Abby looked in the mirror of her parent’s guest room, completely still.

She was draped in all black from head to toe, wearing her daughter’s black bow at the end of her braid. She regretted putting on makeup; her mascara was already streaming down her face in wet, black lines. 

Her under eyes were dark and her vessels were busted from crying for a week and a half straight. She doesn’t remember the last time she slept or eaten, and she didn’t want to. Every dream she had was filled with her daughter’s laughter, and she couldn’t stomach anything thinking about the angelic sound. 

Her husband stood in the doorframe, just as visibly destroyed as she was. Just as lifeless. 

They exchanged looks, but neither said a word. They hadn’t spoken to each other in days. Abby had nothing to say to him. 

He was the reason they were burying their daughter, and she despised him for it. The mourning she felt for her child was stronger than her love for him, and she didn’t care how selfish it was. 

The rain was beating down on the black umbrella that draped over Abby’s sobbing, hunched form, her nails digging into the sopping dirt and tearing at the grass. Her mother’s dress was covered in wet stains. 

Her wails and pleas for her child back were painful and loud: she felt caressing hands on her back, and it took everything not to slap them away. 

She didn’t need fucking comfort! She needed her daughter! Her precious, innocent, darling daughter, Mya. She would’ve given anything—given her life up for her baby. She deserved to live, to see the ocean, to become the mermaid she always wanted to be. She hated her fucking husband. 

The sight of her daughter’s casket being lowered into the ground felt like a sharp blade in her chest. Her father and husband had to drag her from the ground and to her feet despite her desperate shouts to join Mya in the dirt. 

When she was placed in her parent’s backseat, she clutched the passenger headrest in front of her to center herself. Her nails tore through the leather as she hyperventilated, small whimpers of her daughter’s name leaving her mouth. She felt like she would vomit again. 

The car was filled with her family’s cries as the clouds poured their sorrow onto the car. 

Abby quietly prayed to herself as her distraught mother drove them all back home, hoping that her daughter’s spirit would grow to be as large as the sea. 

Just like she always wanted. 

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grief fucking sucks lol

this was heavy 4 me. i love yall

taggie waggies :3 @ohlawdthebirds @fibrogirlie @unangelic-thoughts @chrry1ovr @uraesthete @gravygranules @digit4lslut @machetegirl109 @letsreadsomesins-shallwe @macaroni676 @sillygooselit @nil-eena @elliesgirlll @hi2647 @fr0thycoffee @mai5mai @sweet-lover-girl

prologue. part one. part two. part three. part four.

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