#but the way his fans are acting is so very unhealthy

[mobiblackout]

Whenever I see a post here, that's about how mid or boring the Elite+Adam Cole are, or about how they just don't 'get' why elite and people around them are popular, I check their blogs for one sec, and 99% of the time, they're a Punk fan. It's hilarious.

[ventismacchiato]

11 stuck with you — five feet apart !

scaramouche x gender neutral reader

ACT TWO

Another hot and sticky night in the stuffy dorms led you outside earlier than usual. Maybe if you were up before Scara you could make something without depending on him for food like everyone else was. 

But alas, the universe hated you. And there he was. Scaramouche, already awake, sitting at the kitchen island mindlessly stirring a cup of tea. But more important than that was the tray of mouth watering muffins sitting in front of him. 

“Did you make those?” you ask cautiously, eyeing him as if he laced them with poison just for the hell of it.

He glanced up, his face unreadable.

“No,” he answers, “Yoimiya did.” 

You felt like thanking the gods right then and there. Relief washed over you. Yoimiya was a safe bet. You grabbed one of the chocolate chip muffins and took a tentative bite. It was sweet, soft, and perfect. At last, something that wasn’t a disaster.

“Finally,” you muttered, savoring the taste. “Something I can actually eat.”

Scara side eyes you, but you didn’t spare him a glance before grabbing another one. You left the blueberry ones untouched, as it wasn’t your favorite. 

“Not surprised you chose the unhealthy option,” Scara speaks up, reaching over to grab a blueberry one.

“I’m not a fan,” you huff, getting defensive over your picky palate. 

“Such a child,” he muttered, but there was a hint of amusement in his voice.

Just then, the door swung open, and Yoimiya waltzed in along with everyone else.

“Good morning, everyone!” she chirped, her hair bouncing as she moved, “I’m starving!”

“Have some of the muffins you made,” you suggest, “They were really good.”

“Hm? What muffins?” Yoimiya asks as Venti steps around her to grab one, “I didn’t make those, Scara did.”

You turned to Scara, mouth agape. “What? But you said-”

His cheeks flushed slightly, but he recovered quickly, crossing his arms defiantly.

“Fuck off, I said Yoimiya made them,” he corrected, crossing his arms defensively.

“Scara, I literally watched you mix the batter,” she said, “You told me to fuck off because I kept licking the spoons.”

Childe, Aether, and Venti, who had been leaning against the wall munching on said muffins, immediately perked up, sensing an opportunity to annoy the hothead. 

“Looks like Scara’s a real tsundere” Childe laughed, elbowing Aether.

“Right? Can’t even admit he can bake,” Aether chimed in, stifling a chuckle.

“Whatever,” Scara scoffed, getting up and grabbing the water pails and walking off. Lumine shoved you after him.

“Go help him fetch the water,” she suggested, not taking no for an answer.

Scara walked ahead the worn down path, pails swinging at his sides. You hurried to catch up, grabbing one of the pails from him, but immediately winced at its weight. “Fuck.”

Scara lets out a smug smirk at your struggle and easily grabs it back, “Looks like someone’s weak,” he taunted. 

“It’s just the weather,” you say, ignoring how he rolls his eyes. You help turn the spout on to feel a little helpful as you both watch the buckets fill up. Scara’s back was turned to you as he watched to make sure they didn’t overflow. It was rather easy to talk to him when he wasn’t looking at you so you took your chance.

“Thanks for the muffins,” you say almost so quietly the stream of the water almost overshadows it. But with the way Scaramouche’s head slightly turns at your words indicates he heard it. 

“I did it for me, not you,” he says, turning the spout off, “I didn’t want you collapsing on my consciousness.” 

You huffed at his response, but your chest felt oddly warm. You hadn’t considered that Scara might care. In a very roundabout way. 

“Well, why did you lie about them?”

“You wouldn’t have eaten them if I told you I made them,” he answers, grabbing both pails back and turning around. The water sloshed around the edge and left a trail of water running down his biceps. You avert your eyes. Weird. 

“Well, you’re right I wouldn’t have,” you frown, mad he’s right.

“And I didn’t need you thinking I want to do nice things for you,” he adds, stepping past you.

“Besides,” he adds, sparing you a glance, “It’s fun to watch you squirm a bit.”

You ignore the feeling in your stomach.

//

“I hate living on this fucking island,” Scara mutters, wincing at the taste of the well water.

“It’s nice, but doesn’t feel like the vacation I thought it would,” Childe adds, fanning himself with a paper plate. None of the buildings had AC, hence you all were dying. 

“I have so many mosquito bites,” Venti groans.

“I heard you guys complaining!” Yae exclaims, popping in from nowhere.

“Wait, were you behind that counter the entire time?”Aether interrupts.

“Yes, but don’t mind that,” Yae waves off, “I was waiting for a good segway!”

“Couldn’t we have just faked one?” Fischl pipes up.

Yae pauses.

“I suppose so,” she sighs, “Now all of you hush, let me get on with my spiel.” 

She clears her throat and throws on a smile, “I bring all of you a lovely incentive! Today’s game will have a better prize! Remember how we mentioned the sister island is an actual resort? Well, the winner of today’s game will get to spend the night at the five star hotel. That means no cooking your own meals, an actual bed, and spending time with your crush!”

The entire group cheers at her words.

Yae brings the mic down and whispers, “And off record, this one won’t be rigged. Just to keep it more realistic. If a pair other than Scara and Yn win then it’s fine, we’ll send then over another time”

“The archons have listened to me,” Venti praises, raising his hands up, “Hot showers here I come.”

“You guys are going to draw lots for your pairs, but choose whoever you want. It’s a strength challenge so keep that in mind.”

“Fuck yeah,” Childe cheers, already getting up to flex.

“I’m not sure if we should zoom in or cut the cameras,” Yae ponders, “Would the youth be into this?”

“Cut the cameras,” everyone deadpans.

The excitement in the air was palpable as Yae explained the challenge. Everyone would be paired up in groups of two and one member would have to be carried by the other on the shoulders. Yae and the crew would spray water on all of them and try to get them to slip off balance. The last pair standing would win the night on the sister island and be back by tomorrow morning. 

Scara shot you a look, “We are going to win this. I am not spending another night listening to Childe’s snoring and hiking half a mile for water.” 

“Oh, fuck off!” Childe yelled from where he was hoisting Fischl onto his shoulders. 

“Really? You don’t look like you work out,” you mumbled, knowing you were treading on thin ice but unable to resist. “Full offense,” you added for good measure. You didn’t have high hopes for this challenge. You’d already kissed goodbye to your chances at spending the night at the resort. 

“Are you doubting me?” he muttered, already beginning to unbutton his shirt a little to prepare for the challenge, revealing a surprisingly toned build underneath. You felt your cheeks warm slightly as you caught a glimpse of the muscles you hadn’t expected. Archons, why did he always have to one up you?

“Okay, maybe I was wrong,” you admitted, a little flustered. “But you still might not be strong enough to carry me.”

“Just get on my shoulders,” he replied, a hint of irritation in his tone. “You’ll see.”

You reluctantly climbed onto his shoulders, wrapping your arms around his neck as he hoisted you up from under your legs. It felt odd to be held this close by him. 

Yae barely gave any of you time to adjust before she gestured for the crew to start spraying cold jet streams at you. You could immediately feel your grip slip. You heard a yelp that sounded a lot like Venti’s to your right.

The moment your skin touched his, you felt an unexpected jolt of warmth. “Hold still!” you yelled as the water began spraying down on you both.

“Stop moving,” Scara yelled, but he was shaking his head, trying to clear the water from his face.

“You stop moving!” you yell back, feeling yourself slipping through his grip as water gets in his eyes. You adjust yourself so one arm is hanging onto his shoulders and you bring your other palm to cover his eyes to shield him from the water. 

“Is that better?” you huff, still squinting from your own eyes having no protection.

“Just…hide your head in my neck,” he says, his voice slightly strained but firm. You didn’t need to be told twice, your eyes burning hurt more than your urge to be petty against Scara at that moment. Your will wasn’t very strong, water was enough to take you down it seemed.

You obliged, leaning forward and burying your face in the crook of his neck. Your lips were pressed right up against his skin due to the proximity and you could feel every breath he took.

“Another pair down!” Yae cheered, “Turn up the pressure!”

“She’s having too much fun with this,” you lamented, though your voice came out muffled. You could hear him chuckle, and despite the chaos, you felt a strange comfort in his steadiness.

As the game progressed, you noticed that it was down to just you and Scara against Yoimiya and Lumine. The water sprayed relentlessly, and you felt yourself slipping, but Scara’s grip on your legs tightened. 

Finally, Lumine slipped and the duo fell, leaving just you and Scara to stand.

“We won?” you questioned as Scara let you down, and you stumbled slightly as your feet hit the ground. “Finally,” you breathed, relieved but exhilarated. You both let yourself fall to the ground from exhaustion and cough up water as Yae cheered you guys on.

“Geez guys, at least try to look hot for the camera,” she sighed, letting you guys get up before turning the camera towards you both, “Our winners Scara and Yn will get to spend a night at the luxury resort!”

Childe whistled, and you turned to see Scara’s shirt clinging to him, soaked through from the spray. He shook his head, sending droplets flying everywhere. “Good.” he muttered, looking over at you, “Don’t doubt me next time.”

“Whatever,” you swallow, averting your eyes and locking them with your members instead who decided to be obnoxious and wiggle their eyebrows at you. 

//

You were starting to wonder if spending the night at a luxury hotel instead of the shabby island was worth it when you saw your ride there.

“Why can’t we take a boat?” you mourn, staring up at the helicopter awaiting you and Scara’s departure.

“Because it’ll take too long,” Lisa explained, “We’ll take some last shots then you guys will board and there’ll be a crew over there waiting for you. I want some romance tonight but I’ll let you guys enjoy the amenities too.”

Her words washed over you as you started contemplating swimming to the other island.

Scaramouche let out a scoff as he watched the panic filter through your eyes. He wordlessly grabbed your arm and pulled you into the death trap as you started wondering why you ever became an idol. 

“It’s only fifteen minutes, keep it together,” he muttered, watching as it took you three tries to put your belt on.

You shot him a glare, though the unease in your gut was making it hard to muster up a convincing retort. 

"Not all of us have a death wish," you muttered, trying to sound braver than you felt. The thought of the helicopter's blades slicing through the air and lifting you far above the ocean was doing nothing to steady your nerves.

He opened his mouth to fire back, but Lisa’s voice cut in before he could. “Alright, save the banter for the cameras. Let’s get a shot of you two boarding together!” she said cheerily, a bit too excited for your taste.

You swallowed hard, eyeing the helicopter as if it might bite you. But before you could back away or think of an excuse, you felt a sudden grip on your face, forcing you to turn away from the intimidating sight.

“Idiot,” Scaramouche muttered under his breath, his hand warm against your cheek as he held your head steady, forcing you to meet his gaze instead. “Don’t look if you’re scared. Just focus on something else.”

His eyes were steady, a mixture of exasperation and something softer that caught you off guard. For a second, the world outside—the roar of the helicopter, the prying eyes of the crew, even your own fear—seemed to blur at the edges. All you could see was him, closer than he’d ever been, the lines of his usual smirk softened into something almost unreadable.

You blinked, momentarily stunned by the unexpected gesture.

“That’s good,” Lisa hummed, breaking the weird tension as Scara let go of you and you focused on your shoes.

 "You know you didn’t have to do that,” you say as the pilot starts getting ready for takeoff, “I was fine.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you were,” Scaramouche replies, his voice gruff but quieter now, “I’ll make sure you don’t embarrass yourself too much.” 

You weren’t sure whether to be grateful or insulted, but somehow, the tremor in your hands wasn’t quite as bad as before. 

//

The resort was breathtaking, as one would expect from a luxury hotel. Even Scara was impressed as you both practically cried at the array of foods welcoming you, an escape from the dreadful meals you’ve been preparing for yourself. It all seemed perfect.

Well, apart from one thing. 

“This is so corny, why is there only one bed?” you question as you both walk into your room for the day. It was a lover’s suite. Of course it was.

“Well, you should take the floor,” Scara unhelpfully suggests.

Well, maybe two things.

“Absolutely not!” Lisa shouts from the speakers, causing you both to be startled.

“Freaks, why are you watching us sleep?” Scara mumbles.

“I can hear you!” Lisa shouts again. 

“Whatever, anything’s better than that stupid island,” he eyes you to make his point before walking off to unpack.

“Fuck you!” you call out but he’s already gone. The suite was either so big he coudn’t hear you or he was ignoring you. Far likely to be the latter. 

//

There was one thing you were looking forward to coming here tonight, finally getting to soak in water that wasn’t the frigid ocean. Even if you had to share that with the idiot that was Scaramouche. 

The hot tub bubbled around you, steam curling into the air in soft wisps. The view was stunning, all twinkling lights from the resort below and a sky full of stars that might have seemed romantic if you weren't stuck here with Scaramouche. 

“Ugh, can you stop hogging all the space?” you snapped, your shoulder bumping into his as you shifted to get comfortable. The hot water was supposed to be relaxing, but with him practically glued to your side, it was anything but. You had both gotten in and sat at opposite ends but with endless yelling in your earpieces from Yae you had bredgrudingly scooted closer. Too close.

“Maybe if you weren't all elbows,” he shot back, “I don’t want to be this close to you, but that devil of a woman is making me.”

“I heard that,” Yae replies from the speakers. Scara flips her off.

“This isn’t relaxing when I can hear you breathing right beside me,” you huff, sinking into the tub.

“Go underwater then,” Scara replies, “I’ll help you.” You swat his hands away, drowning on camera in a three foot tub would end your career and whatever was left of your dignity.

A sudden voice crackled to life over the speakers, startling you both. “Less bickering, more flirting!” Lisa’s voice boomed.

“Tell him to act more likeable!” you shoot back, yelling at where you think the camera is. 

He shot you a withering look. “Me? You’re the one who looks like you’re constipated every time you try to smile at me.”

“Well, maybe it’s because looking at you does that to me,” you snark back.

“I am so dry in the studio,” Yae mourns over the speakers, “Put this tension into something else. Scara, take your shirt off.”

“Fuck no?” Scara yells, crossing his arms over his chest, “What is wrong with you guys?”

Yae's voice came through the speakers again, dripping with amusement. "Alright then, if you won’t take your shirt off willingly, how about you give our dear co-star a hand, hm? Go on, help him with those buttons, Yn."

You stared at the camera, slack-jawed. "You can’t be serious."

"Oh, I'm very serious," Yae replied, her tone too cheerful to be anything but evil. "It's called fan service, darlings. Now, hop to it."

You turned to Scara, who looked about two seconds away from drowning himself in the tub. 

He eyed you, a flicker of something like a dare in his eyes, “Don’t even think about it.”

“They’ll keep yelling if we don’t," you muttered, more to yourself than to him. 

“Put on a show!” Lisa reminded through the speakers.

You sighed. You’d have kept your mouth shut at that damn award show if it meant not having to do whatever this was.

Slowly and hesitantly you reached out, fingers brushing the top button of his shirt.

“You’ll be more comfortable if you loosened your top,” you swallow, your attempt at trying to sound believable.

“Take it off then,” Scara replies against his will, uncrossing his arms and leaning back against the tub.

Your breath hitched slightly, and you could see the way Scara’s lips curved up into a teasing smirk. He was enjoying this. Your hesitation. Your obvious discomfort. He didn’t think you could do it. It made you want to wipe that smirk off his stupid pretty face.

"Fine," you said, your voice steadying, the challenge accepted. You took a deep breath and reached for the second button, fingers trembling just slightly as you undid it. The fabric parted to reveal the sharp lines of his collarbone, and the heat of his skin seemed to radiate into the space between you.

"Don’t get shy now," he taunted, voice low, barely above a whisper. His eyes were locked on yours, unblinking, as if daring you to keep going, “You’re not very good at this, don’t tell me you’ve never undressed someone before.”

"Oh, please," you shot back, “Of course I have,” your tone dripping with false bravado. He knew damn well you’ve never.

He chuckled, a soft, rumbling sound that sent a shiver down your spine. "Keep telling yourself that," he said, his gaze slipping to where your hands hovered over the next button, like he was daring you to take it further. You couldn’t let him win by chickening out. 

You fumbled with the button, but when it finally came undone, your eyes couldn't help but widen slightly. His chest was inked with tattoos—bold, intricate designs that curled and twisted across his skin, disappearing under the remaining fabric. It was more than you expected, more than he’d ever let on in any photoshoot or public appearance.

"I didn’t know you had all these," you blurted out before you could stop yourself, your voice tinged with genuine surprise.

He arched an eyebrow, that ever-present smirk returning full force. "And how would you know anything about me, huh? Are you stalking my photoshoots now?"

You glared at him, the embarrassment making your cheeks heat. "Don’t flatter yourself. I just figured a narcissist like you would’ve shown these off already."

"Shows what you know," he said, "Some things aren’t meant for everyone to see."

Your fingers hesitated over the last few buttons at his words. There was something about the way he said it, like it was a confession layered under his usual sarcasm.

"Then why show them now?" you asked, quieter, the banter slipping into something that felt almost serious.

"Because I like watching you squirm."

You scoffed, more to cover up the way your pulse had quickened than anything else. "You’re insufferable." 

Of course, it didn’t mean anything. He was just as infuriating as ever.

"And you’re blushing," he pointed out, a wicked gleam in his eyes that made you want to dunk him right into the bubbling water.

“It’s the steam,” you grumbled, flicking water on him and scooting away as he rubbed at his eyes.

Lisa’s voice crackled over the speakers, almost giddy with delight. "Oh, now this is what I’m talking about! Keep that energy, you two. That’s chemistry! The audience is going to eat this up!"

You both shot a glare toward the camera, and in unison, muttered under your breaths, "Shut up, Lisa."

You both spent the rest of the hour on opposite ends of the tub.

//

“I want that side.”

“Well, suddenly I want that side.”

“I wasn’t asking, I was just letting you know,” you huffed, already slipping under the covers on the left side of the bed. With a pointed look, you grabbed one of the many pillows and wedged it firmly between you like a flimsy barricade.

Scara rolled his eyes, scoffing at your actions. “As if I’d touch you with a ten foot pole,” he muttered, reluctantly getting into the other side of the bed. 

You both sat there in stiff silence, staring at the ceiling, the awkwardness so thick you could practically cut it with a knife. Neither of you knew what to do with yourselves, like two kids playing a game of chicken to see who'd crack first.

There was a strange feeling in your chest being this close to him. Every sense seemed dialed up to ten, heightened and fixed on one single point. You felt hyper-aware of every movement, every breath, and even every blink. You swallowed unconsciously, the action feeling louder and more awkward than it should’ve. You let out a shaky sigh and wipe your free hand on the comforter, surprised to find your palm slicked with sweat. This was weird, weird, weird.

You heard a soft shuffle next to you, and when you glanced over, you saw Scaramouche turn on his side, his back now facing you. He moved like he was trying to put as much distance between you as possible, yet there was something almost vulnerable about the way his shoulders hunched.

You found yourself watching him longer than you intended, tracking the slow, even rise and fall of his breathing as he settled into sleep. There was something disarming about seeing him like this. He was quiet, without his usual smirk or biting remarks to put you on edge. You didn’t even have to reach out your arm to touch him. Not like you would. But you could.

You slowly turn to the other side, pulling the covers over your head and begging yourself to go to sleep. But even with the pillow wall between you, the warmth of his presence lingered. You felt it like a soft hum through the sheets, the awareness of his touch from earlier still lingering on your skin like a ghost. It was unsettling, the way it seemed to echo long after it was gone. 

Weird didn’t even begin to cover it.

[00:00:00] ONE BED INTERVIEW ONE, TAKE ONE

YAE: [QUIET]

SCARAMOUCHE: Don't piss me off.

YAE: I didn't even say anything!

SCARAMOUCHE: I felt it.

JEAN, SIGHING: Good lord.

YAE: Moving on...

YAE: How was your night with only one bed?

SCARAMOUCHE: Quiet.

YAE: That's such a lie.

SCARAMOUCHE: No.

YAE: Are you going to say more than one word?

SCARAMOUCHE: Maybe.

JEAN, QUIETLY: Oh, my God...

SCARAMOUCHE: What did you want me to say? We watched the stars through the skylight and talked about our fears together?

YAE: Yes, actually.

SCARAMOUCHE: Bite me. We didn't.

JEAN: Scaramouche, if you give us something-anything-you can go back to your room.

SCARAMOUCHE, CROSSING HIS ARMS AND HUFFING: YN is a blanket hog. I was cold and couldn't sleep because they toss and turn like a demon is chasing them in their sleep.

SCARAMOUCHE: They didn't even apologize when they woke up. They just said to quote, "Cope."

JEAN: ... Good enough.

YAE: Cut!

[00:00:00] ONE BED INTERVIEW TWO, TAKE ONE

YN: Why does that little thingy say one bed?

YAE, CONFUSED: This is what you did last night? We want to know about it.

YN: No, I didn't.

YAE: Don't play with me.

JEAN: YN, this all goes faster if you don't lie.

YN, SCOWLING: Don't play with me!

JEAN: Good grief! Cut!

[00:05:30] ONE BED INTERVIEW TWO, TAKE TWO

YAE: [STARING AT YN BEHIND THE CAMERA]

YN: [STARING BACK]

JEAN: Guys, please...

YN: Yeah, okay, fine. I shared a bed with Scaramouche last night. So what?

YAE: Did anything... happen...?

YN: Like what?

YAE: You know like...

YAE: [PRETEND GIGGLES LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL] Kissing and stuff?

YN: Are we five years old? Don't piss me off!

YAE: Scaramouche said the same thing.

YN, STANDING UP: Well stop pissing me off!

JEAN: YN, just give us something.

YN, WALKING OFF CAMERA: I hogged the blankets on purpose to make him mad. Fuck that guy.

YAE, CALLING TO YN: Anything else?

YN: Bite me!

YAE: Scara said that, too.

JEAN: Cut!

stuck with you!

masterlist — prev | next

*slide13: can u bring me back some food

*slide 15: …get him to go to the gym…and scara

also scara uses the wrong your in slide 23 he wud never i’m so tired pls forgive me

title is from that one vine am i showing my age lord two bros chillin in the hot tub five feet apart cus they’re not gay

if you can’t read the qna tweets send me an ask i’ll post a clearer version!

also sorry if u like blueberries it’ll come back later

taglist is closed, comment on the masterlist if i can use ur user as a fan in the au!

synopsis — after the disaster that was the live award show, where you and scaramouche got into an argument on stage after both of your groups got a tie for top artists, your guys' PR teams have been in shambles trying to scrape up your mess. that's when the idea to send you both off with some other idols to a remote location for a survival dating show to mend your public image comes up. before you know it your bags are packed and you’re on a plane to a remote island. the only obligation is you need to end up with scaramouche at the end of the show, whether you end up liking him or not doesn’t matter to your managers as long as the show’s ratings stay high. whatever you do in between to get there is up to you!

notes — im sorry for leaving you guys hanging for two months! hopefully it hasnt been too long where u forgot the plot,, college was really busy for me and i lost all motivation to write,, i lowk got rlly depressed lmao like omg med school is not for the weak!! i had to lock tf in and study but i saw a scara edit on my feed a few days ago and got to inspo to write so pls enjoy this long chapter :) missed u guys!! pls comment if u enjoyed to give me some motivation <33

taglist is closed! — @na1lea @cindywasneverhere @lunavixia @aestherin @mlaakai @camvrin @retiredmommylover @iheartpieck @jangyung @cartierfiles @loveariel @silly-ez @mochipls @pomeiu @chuuismylife @flowerypesky @creammpuff @justanothertiredreader @boxdisappeared @kissmiere @kissingkzuha @webbywill @kazusboyfriend @s3xpistolss @pjsucks @bunns-wonderland @lordbugs @localgirlywithnolife @kosumos @danfelions @featuredtofu @pinxeajin @herebyaccident0 @haeunoo @scaradooche @pglt19 @chemiru @childesbabygirl @simonisferal @shutingstar @vxcmx @domimiki @ttalgi @esuz @tokkishouse @kitsuvil @scarasmood @ihearttori @nomurahayami @starringyau @androxphobic @kazuhasbabe

[very-straight-blog]

It really tires me how some fans try to make Aegon look like an asshole who doesn't give a shit about anything. This is a fundamental misunderstanding of his character as such. Of course he cares, that's literally the essence of his personality. He cares. He and Aemond both feel too much emotion, but if Aemond sublimates into self–improvement, trying to be strong, cold and detached, then Aegon is literally an open wound. I want to talk about this, also using Tom's interviews (yes, I think the actor's opinion is valid in this matter) and the few scenes that we have in the first season.

We know that Aegon didn't want the throne and wasn't ready to rule. The scene with Alicent, who explains to him the prospects for the future of their family, seems very traumatic to me. Imagine what it's like to know from your childhood that the lives of people close to you depend on you, on how strong you'll be. Such a burden can destroy anyone. You can't just ignore it.

Next, we're shown how Aegon drinks on Driftmark. And that's a pretty sad sight - several cups in a row, wincing, as if taking a medicine that will help him to feel better.

Actually, I like the theory that he gets drunk after Aemond says that Helaena is his future queen. Another reminder that he'll have to marry his own sister, for whom he has no feelings. And he drinks because he tries to numb his pain.

The same goes for his obviously unhealthy attitude towards sex - he uses it to numb his loneliness. I believe that Aegon literally didn't have the opportunity to feel what love is in any form. His father disliked him and showed it openly. His mother loved him, but she never knew how to express it the way he needed to. He was married to his sister (the tragedy for both of them) and it was a matter of duty, not feelings. At the time of the first season, Aegon is deeply unhappy and this is obvious. I have every reason to believe that his need for physical intimacy is based on the fact that this is the only form of love he can receive. Considering that Aegon is quite smart, I even think that he himself understands how ugly this form is, but there's nothing he can do. During the act, I guess in some unhealthy way it really saves him from loneliness, longing and the need to be loved, but in the end it makes him even more unhappy.

Then it's impossible not to remember the eighth episode and the famous:

It's still clear that family is important to him. Yes, he feels like a stranger among his relatives, but it hurts him just because he cares. He cries and says "it will never be enough for you or father" because he wants it to be enough. He still loves them and wants them to love him back.

"What Aegon wants more than anything is to be told by his dad ‘I have faith in your capabilities as a young man. I see you bringing prosperity to King’s Landing.’ But he hasn’t said any of those things. His dad has completely ignored him, in fact, throughout his entire youth." (с) Tom Glynn-Carney for Esquire

Next, we can move on to episode nine and the fact that Aegon ran away. I've seen a lot of opinions that this is an indicator of selfishness and like...what? He was scared. This follows from the script:

He was scared, he'd never leave his family, much less Sunfyre. It was a decision made in a panic when he realized that his father had died and the moment he had feared all his life had come - he needed to accept the crown to protect his family.

During the conversation in the carriage, we see that Aegon was really hurt that his father didn't love him:

He even said "because he didn't like me" when talking about his father's attitude towards him. He didn't use the word "love" because it was obvious to him that his father didn't love him. He used the word "like", unknowingly emphasizing that he couldn't count on even simple sympathy.

He's also well aware that Viserys could have named him the heir, but didn't do so simply because he didn't want to and because of this, he - the eldest son, feels unworthy of the throne, and also completely lost.

When Alicent tells him that Viserys wanted to make him the heir before his death, an emotional dam breaks inside him, it's literally written in the script:

And at this moment, looking at the dagger, he's not even listening to Alicent, he's completely in his thoughts - maybe, at least for a second, his father cared about him. And when he asks his mother if she loves him, we see how much he craves love, how broken he really is, how important his family is to him.

I know this post is insanely long and I haven't even analyzed the various microexpressions in Tom's acting, but I'm really tired of people wanting to make Aegon something pure evil.

"I also see Aegon as being incredibly complex. He's not an out-and-out psychopath. I see a multilayered character that just has endless potential of pits of vulnerability and empathy and things that we don't see. I think it's his vulnerability that breeds the darkness. It's the way he copes, it's his security, it's his safety blanket, it's an addictive coping mechanism for him to shut things out and to be cold." (с) Tom Glynn-Carney for Entertainment Weekly

[misasimagines]

least to most jealous! (Tokyo Debunker)

included characters: all of them except Subaru I'm so sorry!!!!

rating: Technically SFW but suggestive

warnings: unhealthy and toxic behaviors, some suggestive (sexual and violent) content though nothing graphic. GN reader.

Okay, some clarification:

Regarding Subaru: I HAVE to give a disclaimer here and say that I simply do not get him. I’m so sorry Suba fans. I just think he's lying and acting and I'm not comfortable writing for him when I can't figure out what his deal is.

I've been working on this for days and simply cannot perceive it any more so please forgive typos and... god everything else. It's so long.

I formatted it as "bad end" and "good end" so the bad ends are like the absolute worst and most exaggerated negative outcomes and behaviors while the good ends assume everyone behaves as if they are capable of being rational (which they are). This doesn't mean to romanticize any of the toxic behaviors, we're just having fun :)!

If you disagree.... [I am already laying dead on the floor]

Zenji

Bad End: You have to be the toxic one for a bad end and you have to be downright CRIMINAL to make Zenji break up with you. You have to be breaking his damn heart because he'll forgive you for so much. You could be having sex with a bunch of other people and plan the timing so he'd see it and he'd sadly be like, oh of course, I can't really show them that kind of affection the way that I am… I'm grateful they spend any time with me at all. If you do this to him, I'm killing you actually. If you cheat on Zenji, I'm coming out of your Tumblr browsing device like the girl from the Ring and I'm attacking you. He's TOO GOOD AND SWEET for you to do this to him 😡😡😡

Good End: He's very forgiving and understanding and doesn't really get jealous. If he's worried about you being unhappy with him or his situation, he will talk to you about it and give you 100 outs to break up with him amicably. If you refuse them all and tell him you don't want anyone else, he'll be overjoyed if not still feeling very bittersweet. Expect to hear a sad little poem or song about lovers doomed to live on opposite sides of mortality or something.

Jiro

Bad End: You’re going to have to be the toxic one here for a bad end and that bad end is very simple and succinct. He tells you that if you want to see other people, you can break up with him. And then he waits for you to respond because he’s not putting up with this. If you break up with him, that’s that, he’s washed his hands of you and is moving on. If you ask him out again later, he’ll just tell you he doesn’t have the time to waste on someone who’s so disloyal. If you don’t break up with him, and you are a cheating bastard, when he sees it (and he WILL, because his ass is NOT DUMB), he’ll break up with you and ask that you don’t bother him again. Further attempts at communication will be very brief.

Good End: He’s too straightforward for this. If he sees you being “too friendly” with someone, he will ask you point blank what was going on there. He doesn’t mind you being friendly or affectionate with other people, he doesn’t overreact when you get hit on, he doesn’t have a problem with you wanting to spend a night with friends instead of him. He’s just like, that’s fine. Bring a jacket because it’ll be cold. If you’re uncomfortable because someone’s hitting on you, he’s just like okay, I’m in the situation now, and that’s generally enough to stop anyone from being handsy or flirty with you because Jiro is like 6’6. Who’s trying to fight him, let’s be real. If they keep going he’s just like, okay I’ll take my s/o and go then. Just an unbothered KING. This is what you want in a man BELIEVE ME. He just behaves rationally and calmly even if he could chainsaw someone to death.

That being said, if he has to chainsaw murder someone to death, I don't think he'll feel that bad about it.

Ed

Bad End: He might pull some of his sickly old man cards out to be like ah, my dear, please don’t leave me today while my health is failing. You should cancel your plans and watch this Youtuber stream the process of building a house in the rain forest out of clay and sticks with me… I need you to take care of me... He just milks your sympathy for all he can get. 

Good End: Really, he’s not TOO worried because he is immortal, he is a powerful vampire, and he does kind of want to have a degree of separation from you due to your fragile human mortality. I can’t imagine Ed being the most monogamous lover, and while he might not be interested in pursuing other people while he’s with you, I can see him adopting a stance of “you’re young, you should experience all life has to offer” in regards to your social life. He might poke at you like oh, did the young lad you went to see a movie with take adequate care of you or do I need to make up for his inexperience now? He’s not too worried if you go elsewhere, he has time, he’ll be the most serious love in your life at least.

Luca

Bad End: He jumps to conclusions, big shocker. He reads into your emotions and expressions and uses them as evidence to prove his own beliefs. He thinks he's doing right by you, protecting you, when he sees you frown while talking to someone or recoil when they try to touch you and immediately jumps in to protect you. He scolds people and doesn't hesitate to start and end a fight if they react aggressively. But also…he perceives a lot more danger towards you than there is, and can't always differentiate his jealousy and your actual safety. You end up with a lot of friendships being destroyed by your knight in shining armor who can't stop threatening people with bodily harm if they don't back away from you. When he sees this bothering you, he stops intervening on your behalf when you can see it and starts doing it behind your back. You're just weaker, it's fine, he's stronger and it's his duty to protect you even if you don't always agree with it.

Good End: He still jumps to conclusions and assumes the worst, but you can talk him down. No, Luca, one unhappy expression doesn't mean this person has dishonored me and my entire family. You don't need to pull your swords out! He is a gentleman more than anything and doesn't want to burden you with his own insecurities, so he tries to hold back and only brings things up to you when he's too worried to be quiet. Admittedly, it's not super often that he's jealous. He wants to think the best of you and doesn’t think that you’d actually reciprocate any of the advances that anyone makes on you. He would not date someone who he doubts is capable of loyalty. Also, he's so focused on his own goals, sadly you are kind of a second priority to him even if he would never admit it to you or himself.

Alan

Bad End: He's more protective and suspicious than jealous and does get it into his head that you're fragile and delicate and anyone could hurt you. He worries that you can't see the dangers he can, so he just…happens to be nearby when you're out for friends, just in case. He wants to know where you'll be so he can come get you immediately if something happens. And if someone does cross your boundaries, if they lay a hand on you, if he sees you look scared or uncomfortable? He'll comfort you after they're dealt with. Just don't be scared of him, you might not have known you were in danger, but he knew what they were thinking and planning and they won't ever be able to threaten you again.

Good End: He isn't the most technologically adept so he does want your itinerary before you go out without him. It is for safety and not jealousy, because he truly doesn't get jealous too often. He trusts you and he trusts your judgement, he has to or else he wouldn't be dating you. He WILL still step in the second he sees that you're uncomfortable, and he WILL lay a bitch out if necessary, but it's normally enough for him to just walk up to you to get anyone to back off. He still wants to set certain boundaries, like he doesn't like you going out at night alone because it's dangerous, not because he's afraid you're meeting your secret lover. If he had that many doubts about your loyalty, he would just break it off.

Haku

Bad End: You really are the forgiving type, huh? Oh, you don't know what that person did? Well, he really shouldn't tell you if you don't know. It'll come out if it has to, right? Just be careful around them. - That's what he does. He sows seeds of doubt in your relationships, so carefully that you don't even realize it's a pattern and eventually you're really not sure who to trust. Haku is always honest with you though, so you can trust him, and if he gives you a pitying look when you say you've made a new friend with someone, it's probably safest to drop them before they hurt you. He really isn't the most jealous, so he doesn't do this too often, but he does it whenever he is, whether he feels guilty for it or not. Ultimately, he IS just protecting you. They might not have done anything to hurt you YET, but they probably would if he didn't step in.

Good End: Otherwise, he's really pretty chill. He believes in your right to agency and if you do ever break any boundaries, he'll talk to you about it and decide if it's something he can live with. It's not like he's a saint. The charming, flirtatious comments come out naturally and he won’t stop complimenting the cashier/waitress/etc if it means getting a discount or better service. That benefits you, too! So what if he makes a few jokes about “my s/o saw you from across the bar and really digged your vibe” and the like. He isn’t serious, not like he is with you, and he’s happy to spend all night proving it to you.

Ritsu

Bad End: Somehow he knows everything about everyone you've been around, talked to, dated, etc. He's pulling receipts. You spent 20 minutes talking to X. Tell me what it was about. You went to this place before our date but it's outside of your routine and I don't see any reason for you to have been there. Please explain clearly why you went and what you did there. He probably has a full dossier on you and he keeps it meticulously updated and you can know about it if you want, but it's probably beyond your understanding so he'll only let you glance at it before he's locking it back up. He wants to draft up contracts, probably, and might even try to get restraining orders for you against people he feels are threats to you and your relationship. And if you're upset about it? Well, you already agreed to section 14 clause B, so if you break up with him now you'll suffer the consequences of breaching your contract. What are the consequences? That's another thick binder, you don't need to read it because you won’t have anything to do with it as long as you don't break your obligations to him.

Good End: He's still very organized and detail oriented, but he's also like: Okay, if I have proof of you cheating, I'm obligated to break our contract- I mean relationship. Essentially the same thing. He doesn't feel as much of a need to obsessively watch over you since he feels confident in the terms he laid out and your verbal agreement to abide by them. If you hang out with someone else, you should tell him what went on and know that if you're found committing perjury or in contempt of the court (okay Ritsu, same thing), then he's breaking up with you. He trusts you but still needs clear communication.

Tohma

Bad End: He always knows where you are and who you’re with and he knows everything about them, too. Interesting that you were hanging out with a known playboy, did you really think he cared about you or are you just as bad as he is? No, that’s not an insult, he’s merely asking. - Tohma asks leading questions and gets you confused so you end up saying exactly what he wants you to say, even if it’s not the truth. Yes I was no I wasn’t here or there or?? And then he’s holding your hand delicately and kissing the back of it and telling you not to worry so much, it’s easy to make mistakes, but that’s why he’s here to help you. For most of the people he doesn’t like you hanging around, he has a reason to convince you to stay away from them. He's not above paying someone off or threatening them or blackmailing them to stay away from you. You get so flustered and upset when you’re confused and uncertain, so he’ll just take all of that uncertainty out of your life. If that means that all you have is him and his hand selected friend group for you, that’s good enough for you both, right?

Good End: He’s still surveilling everything and somehow knows that that person you’re talking to has 2 DUIs, but he just offers this information to you when he really thinks it's dangerous. Like, if you’re hanging out w/ Mr. Drink and Drive, he won’t necessarily say anything unless you’re going to be going out with him to drink and or drive somewhere. In which case, Tohma will tell you that he uncovered some concerning information about their ability to drink responsibly and ask that you use your best judgement. If you choose to still go somewhere potentially dangerous with them, he’ll just do what he has to to keep you safe there and make his disagreement known, but he won’t force you to do anything unless he really thinks that you are walking into inevitable danger. It’s really less jealousy and more being an overbearing and overprotective boyfriend who would baby proof your apartment for you if you so much as tripped over your own misplaced shoes once.

Sho

Bad End: It starts with you hanging out as a trio: Sho, Leo, and you. It's fine at first, and he pretends it doesn't bother him when Leo is snuggling up to you or jokingly calling you their s/o. He just pulls you away and holds you close and tells Leo to back off and Leo laughs and acts like he wasn't even being serious. And then you have inside jokes with Leo, and not him, and you're invited to hang out with Leo alone, and sometimes Sho walks into a room and he SWEARS that you two were talking about him before he walked in. Over time, he can't help but feel every action of possession towards you is just humoring Leo, who really has you, but he also knows the second he stops wanting you or admits his loss, Leo will get bored and throw you aside like an old toy. Only Leo doesn't let his toys go for someone else to pick up and enjoy. He breaks them so no one would ever be able to love them again. So Sho stays and deals and shares you and never feels like he really ever has you, but he can't let you go or you'll be ruined forever.

Good End: He's not too worried. He does his own things, has his own friends, his own plans, and he'd kind of think less of you if you lived exclusively for him. If you want to go out with friends, even if it's with other guys, he's fine, he just makes sure to kiss you extra messily before you part ways for the night and tells you you better not go forgetting about him while you're away. As if you could after that. The only person he kind of gets bothered by is Leo, and that's more for your safety than because he's afraid of you cheating on him or falling for Leo. He knows him and he knows that even though Leo is his friend, maybe even specifically because he is, he wouldn't hesitate to use and manipulate you. So Sho tells you to keep your distance (as much as that's possible) from him. He does also want to meet anyone that you get close to are already are close to, partially to make his own judgement about their intentions and partially to be ready to put on a show of treating you better than they ever could.

Haru

Bad End: Two words: Guilt Trip. Oh, you wanted to hang out with someone else today? That's fine! He'll tell Peekaboo and the other animals you're too busy to see them. They're animals so they won't really understand, but he'll do his best to love them enough for the loss in your affection. And wow, that other friend of yours, you hang out with them a lot. Should he be worried? Haha! Just a joke! He wasn't serious, you're responsible and you wouldn't abandon him and everyone else when they need you. You're not a bad person like that. - So you end up canceling plans with other people and staying with Haru. You can't stand putting more on his plate… he also has a tracker on your phone and asks where you were in a casual way so if you say something else, he's like. Weird! That's not what I thought, but you'd never lie to me, so I guess I can trust you! (He does not.) It just gets to the point where you’re not sure how much he knows, because he never really admits how much he does, but he always seems to know more than he’s letting on.

Good End: He doesn't MEAN to guilt trip you with sad pictures of Peekaboo when you're out with other people, he does just miss you and he's worried he's too much for you to handle and feels like he has to convince you that you love him. You can tell him he doesn't have to worry about it, you like spending time with him and he's your priority, but just like he needs to sometimes put his job first or go hang out at Rui's bar, you need to spend time with other friends and do things on your own! He still can be a bit clingy, wanting to know where you are, who you’re with, making sure they’re not hitting on you or anything because he KNOWS you’re a catch, but you can just calmly redirect that energy and he’ll cool himself off. He’s not unreasonable!

Lyca

Bad End: He's a territorial dog through and through. He doesn't like anyone touching what is his, he doesn't want anyone encroaching on your space, and he is very sensitive to you smelling like anything he isn't familiar with. He will cause a fuss and jump to violence if someone gets handsy with you, even if it's innocent, friendly, and consented to by you. A friend hugs you? No, nope, that's not okay. Your HIS favorite and no one is going to take you from him. Mostly, it stems from a place of fear of losing you, of being abandoned again. He doesn't see you as completely innocent the way some of the others might, and it's a toss up whether he's mad at you or mad at the other person. Why would you try to leave him? Why would you let someone take you away from him? Why does everyone abandon him?? Even at his worst, I don't see him wanting to lock you away or anything since he knows from experience how awful that is, but he would insist on accompanying you everywhere.

Good End: He's still a dog and he's still afraid of you leaving him, but he has people like Subaru who talk him down and convince him that it's okay if you have other people in your life! Lyca does too, and that doesn't make you less meaningful to him. He doesn't like strangers (to him) getting too close to you, so you really do have to do that introducing him through a door to your other friends thing, the same as you would for a new pet. And you probably have to make some allowances around letting him take some of your clothes to snuggle up with when you're away.

Kaito 

Bad End: Everyone is a threat to his relationship with you and he’s a swinging pendulum between overreacting on the spot and trying a number of things to prove you’re with him OR going home and sobbing into his pillows, preparing for the inevitable “we should see other people” text. He will overreact, realize he overreacted, and then send you a slew of texts apologizing, explaining himself, apologizing for the mass of texts, and then being like oh haha lol my phone fell and typed all that, you can just delete those texts… He gets really stuck in his head about it all and will start begging you to not leave him and just tell him what he can do to be good enough for you. It doesn't matter what you say, how many friendships you cut off, how much time you spend with him- he's never going to think he's worthy enough for you and he's never going to trust that you aren't trying to move on.

Good End: He still struggles with trying to prove his worth and being very easily upset about perceived disloyalty. He's easier to talk down though, and you just need one good conversation to tell him that you love him, you want to be with him, and if he feels threatened or unsure, he should tell you first and not try to “fix” problems in your relationship that aren't even there. He feels better after that, and he has a long way to go to gain more self confidence and even trust in others, but he definitely can do it with time and effort.

Rui

Bad End: He's very torn. On one hand, he loves you, he's grateful for you being in his life, and he knows if he COULD, he'd take such perfect care of you that you wouldn't even be able to think about leaving him for anyone else. On the other hand…he knows he has one big limitation, and hates to think that you would suffer from his curse as well. So he convinces himself that it's fine if you're intimate with someone else. He can't touch you, but that doesn't mean you should go untouched. He'll agree if you want an open relationship and it will absolutely devastate him but he'll smile through it. He'll just be perfect whenever you're with him, never disagreeing, always complimenting and praising you, never giving you any reason to want to leave him. It gets to the point where he's acting in every single situation with you, completely overwhelmed with nightmares of your relationships with others, but desperate not to lose what little he has of you. 

Good End: He's still suffering from some insecurities about what he can't give you, and does try to overcompensate in every other field of romance to try to make up for it. For your part, you just have to make it clear that you DON'T want anyone else, that you will make it work with him, and the lack of intimacy might suck but it hopefully won't be permanent and you'll wait for him! This sentiment is so earth shattering for him he wants to just pick you up and spin you around on the spot (but he won't, don't worry). He still gets some worries every once in a while, but do the Pushing Daisies thing where you kiss him through cling wrap and share sweets and drinks with him for “indirect kisses” and sweetly ask to sleep in his clothes to be close to him and he'll be able to let go of a lot of his pressing worries.

Ren

Bad End: He has bad coping mechanisms and he's very pessimistic and negative. Of course he sees you walking with someone else and he convinces himself you're cheating on him. He doesn't go straight at you with this, though. He starts with making self deprecating comments like, “Yeah whatever, of course you're late. Why would you be on time for me when you were having such a good time with someone else?”  and then specifically name-dropping this other person like asking if you had a good time with them, even if you weren't with them, and he's like rolling his eyes when you deny it. It goes so far and he becomes completely convinced that you're cheating on him, but… he doesn't want to break up with you. He keeps complaining and when you snap and you're like fine! If you don't trust me at all, why are you even with me? That's when he's hugging you too tightly and saying it's fine, he can put up with it, just don't leave him, he'll still be your boyfriend even if you're a cheating whore- he didn't mean that.

Good End: he's still jealous and jumps to the worst conclusions, but you talk to him! Because communication truly works wonders. And you can tell him you have other friends but only one Ren 💜 and he says you're cheesy but he feels better. Just when you're out and you run into anyone who he has suspicions about, it's best to be a little annoying with how much PDA you're showing him. Like hold his hand and snuggle up to him and call him terrible pet names and he HATES it but he also feels so very comforted by it all. There are still plenty of times where he talks shit about other people he doesn't like you hanging out with though, so try not to take too much offense and just clearly remind him he's being a dick and you're about to spray him with water if he doesn't stop it.

Leo

Bad End: Honestly, he's offended that you're making him feel this way. What kind of abusive gaslighter are you to be manipulating him into being worried about your loyalty to him? He's the victim. How are you going to fix it? - That's what he does to you. He uses his own (overacted) feelings to make you feel guilty and morally in the wrong so you fawn over him and apologize and try to make up with him. He'll let you grovel and beg and he'll sniffle through fake tears and pet your head and tell you that you're lucky he's so forgiving, no one else would put up with how bad a person you are. He's really a saint for taking you back after you talked to and smiled at that barista today. You won't do that again, right? You won't talk to anyone he doesn't want you talking to? You won't go out without him?

And… well, since you were an adulterous cheater… it's only fair he gets to have his fun without you, right? 

Good End: I mean he's still a dick but you don't let him get into your head. No, bitch, I was not hitting on the cashier at Walgreens, I was buying Plan B because SOMEONE claims to be allergic to latex. He does like pushing your buttons and it's hard to tell exactly when he's seriously jealous (Why would he ever be jealous about you? They're only hitting on you to get to him, obvi). He does plenty behind the scenes, posting you but never your face, keeping your information extremely private and impossible to get to, blackmailing anyone who might know you personally and risks letting anything out. He's doing it for his image, not yours. Okay, maybe it’s a little bit for your image, he can’t be seen dating trash.

Bonus: Even though he is possessive, he would scheme to get you to do things with Sho. He's like I don't care, treat him like a toy I bought you 💜 I’ll watch and help you get the most use out of him.

YANDERE LEVEL!!! Consider them tied for first place:

Yuri

Bad End: Yikes! You just became this doctor's most favorite lab subject! And since you're his favorite, you can't be sullied by the dirty, germ ridden worms outside. You should stay with him, and he'll take care of you, especially because you're so sick. You weren't sick when he fell for you, but you keep getting worse and you're sooo grateful that he takes such good care of you. It's terrible that you ended up bedridden for days after seeing your childhood friend or favorite coworker or someone else you USED to be close to, but he makes your medicine specifically for you and keeps your room at the perfect temperature. Could you ask for a more doting boyfriend? He reminds you that your condition worsens when you go out in public, so he'll supervise any visits anyone wants to make to you. And don't cry that no one has been coming for the last few weeks! They weren't good enough for you (he denied their requests to visit). He's all you need. Really, you won’t even see Jiro after a while, but it won’t matter because you can’t even get out of bed without Yuri to help you.

Good End: He's so insecure and his grandiose act is an act, it's fake it till you make it theatrics. He will swat at Jiro and scold him like there won't be a tomorrow if poor Jiro talks to you or tries to do anything physical towards you in your checkups. Yuri has to be your ONLY doctor, he can do all of it! Please let him do all of it. He assumes you're looking for someone better, so he's constantly trying to convince you he's the best or that you have to only have eyes for him. Even in the good end, he is trying to forbid you from going to certain places (Frostheim) because he's afraid you'll leave him. He wants you to just stay in the lab or otherwise nearby so he can see you on his time and make sure you're not talking to anyone else out there… He just doesn't deal with jealousy well, but it stems from severe insecurities more than anything for him.

Taiga

Bad End: Till death do us part, kitty-cat. When he commits you to memory it's over for you. He'll drag you out of any situation he doesn't like you being in, making sure to show off the entire time that you are absolutely not an option to anyone but him. He's very quick to violence and will be covered in blood and horny more often than anyone really should be. He doesn't really care about your agency in things. You pissed him off and made him jealous, but it's not you who he's going to punish. He's going to beat the other person until they're unrecognizable, and he'll keep doing it until you get it through your head that he was dead serious about death being the only thing that's getting you away from him. Kind of jealous where he reacts poorly and then holds your head still so you have to look at the consequences and he's like, that's all you, kitten. That's what you made me do. If you don't like it, don't piss me off again.

Good End: he's still easily jealous, and he wants to react with violence, but you're not into that and you can convince him it's not worth his time. So he'll make some threats and that's normally enough to get people to stay away from you both. He likes when you hang around with him, his pretty little kitty, but he also gets in moods where he wants to be alone and can't put up with another person so he's not too bothered when you hang out with friends. As long as they don't put any moves on you and you're in his bed at the end of the day, you can do what you want. Just if anyone asks, you're his. No arguments or they're getting shot.

bonus: Probably would be willing to share you with Lulu, just he wants to watch or be involved as well. His two pretty kittens <3 

Towa 

Bad End: oh baby he's killing the competition. He doesn't even hesitate. Someone dares put their hands on you? Lightning strike. Anomalous animal attack. Poison in the water supply. He does not have patience with dealing with people who, to him, want to ruin your love story and hurt you. He doesn't really acknowledge your agency in most things. You're his sweet little Dandelion and those disgusting people are trying to take you away from him. Don't worry, he'll protect you and you can go right back to being his obedient little love. You're not pushing him away, you're just brainwashed by those evil people. Just stay close to him (you don't have a choice) and he'll put it all right again.

Also…he wants Haru in the love story too. He's like the kid slamming his dolls together to make them kiss, so congrats on two boyfriends? Towa’s very doting towards both of you even if he forgets that you can't survive off eating flowers and sometimes you need to sleep.

Good End: He can be the kind of “cute” jealous where he's pouting, wrapping his arms around you, biting you for attention and to assert dominance, even throwing things at people who he's bothered by. You can scold him but he's just biting you harder now and trying to drag you away where you won't be bothered by the mean people who are interrupting his time with his Dandelion. He doesn't really GET the boundaries you try to set, but if you word it right, then he'll respect them. You think he's respecting them, at least. You don't see him poisoning people behind your back. 

He still wants you and Haru to be together too though, so, I mean again, congratulations on the two boyfriends even if Haru is politely excusing himself and apologizing whenever Towa tries to initiate a threesome. Is this a good end? Towa is just kind of Like That. Godspeed.

Jin 

Bad End: It starts slow, he wants to know why you were late. Who were you with? And then he wants to check your phone and read your texts. And then you don't know when he's reading your texts because he set something up that gives him access to your phone whenever he wants. And then people you thought were your friends don't want to talk to you anymore and actually seem a bit afraid being around you at all. And then you're upset and you don't know who else to go to but Jin, who says they're all good for nothing assholes and you don't need them.

And then there's really no reason for you to go to classes or have a job. All you're good for is being his servant, and you like it, right? Because he buys you things, specifically jewelry that you can't take off yourself, bracelets that feel like handcuffs and necklaces that feel like collars. But more than that, you just like being his. It’s easier to not have to use your little brain to make bad decisions. So just stay with him, do what he says, and he'll take care of you.

Good End: It starts the same way as the bad end, but you call him on his shit. He doesn't need to know all of these details and if he does, you'll tell him. He needs to trust you or else he needs to break up with you. He might break up with you, because he's mad that you're being insubordinate and then a few days later he's texting you to come to his room and he's like…whatever, that argument was stupid. You can’t be dumb enough to want anyone else when you have the best anyone can get. (Come cuddle with me before I go crazy.) You have to put up with a level of his emotional immaturity to be with him, but he'll mellow out a bit over time with the jealousy. He'll be more amused at people he thinks are lesser than him trying to hit on you and kind of just likes to mess with them instead of being straight to social ruin and murder. Anyone he actually feels is a threat though, that'll be an argument if you want to keep them in your life because he's stubborn and arrogant and knows he's right.

Romeo

Bad End: No, he's not jealous. He doesn't let himself get to that point because when he sees you with someone else and he doesn't like it? Get in the cage. Lol. No, I'm not joking. Definition of possessive. He doesn't like you talking to his subordinates even when he tells you to. He doesn't want you going out of his sight, and honestly, it's easier for him to keep you protected if you just never leave your room. Your room being one that he's made up for you, decorated, and fitted with security cameras so he can check on whenever he wants. 

He just wants to hold you and brush your hair for you and pick out outfits for you and let you lay around in perfect luxury. And if you want to leave? You don't need to walk as long anymore. You're not going anywhere. (Guy who cuts your Achilles tendon so you can't walk. There, I said it.)

Good End: He's so jealous. He's snapping at anyone who gets too close to you or you get too close to yourself. He is demanding to check your texts so he knows you're not talking to people he wouldn't approve of. This is toxic as all hell, so you can (risk your life) tell him he needs to CHILL. Like you'd waste your time with someone else when you already have the prettiest boyfriend alive. He likes the ego stroking and he can't deny the logic, he's not dating an idiot. You just have to make sure you're giving him enough reassurance that you don't have any interest in anyone else, and sometimes let him let off that insanely jealous energy by threatening someone. I know this is labeled “good end” and he's still toxic but this is good for Romeo okay, Romeo fans aren't trying to get with him because he's been to therapy. You know why you're here.

[itsabouttimex2]

Hi, I wanted to say that I really liked reading your analyses when it comes to flaws in lmk's writing, along with the ranking of the villains that you did. I hope it's alright to ask for advice, since I'd like to make a romantic self insert story with Macaque, but the thing is that I'm worried on how to portray the platonic relationship between Sun Wukong and Macaque. While we still don't know entirety of how Macaque died in his fight with Wukong, I've already made decision to address both of their faults that caused their relationship's downfall. What I'm worried about is how to portray it clearly that it's both of their faults, without making them too OOC. Some fans have tendency to chose sides with their whole situation, which is something I'd like to avoid. But I'm not sure how to avoid that, which is why I'd like to ask for your advice on it.

Sun Wukong and Macaque

A Rundown on the Fallout

This is an interesting question, and thank you for asking! Given how much of their personal backstory is left to viewer interpretation, I’ve included a little bit of mine.

I think the big, big thing that people miss with the Sundial/Shadowpeach fallout is how severely uneven it is. But give me a minute to get there…

Probably the biggest of Past!Sun Wukong’s biggest issues is what I’m going to call “externalizing”. (This isn’t the appropriate way to use that word, but I’m at a loss here) Wukong is bright and loud and happy- and very, very desperate for attention.

Sun Wukong’s literal first action in the world was to excitedly barrel towards a group of monkeys. His first words end with him asking plainly “Don’t ya like it?!” like a child begging for praise from a parent. He shows off to Subodhi’s other students. He eagerly tells a chaotic story to his sworn brothers and is implied to play it up to some degree for attention.

This is direct opposition to Macaque.

Past!Macaque is quiet, withdrawn. He has no ties to other people. He doesn’t pipe up. He’s not bold or confident. So what does Macaque do?

Well, just about jackshit. There’s only TWO members of the six-strong brotherhood that he actually shares interactions with- Sun Wukong and Peng.

Azure Lion? Yellowtusk? Demon Bull King? Macaque literally doesn’t interact with any of them even once. Nobody calls him brother. Flash to the modern day, and he’s the last person Azure bothers looking for.

He doesn’t joke, or tell stories, or try to bond with the rest of the crew. This is literally how he responds to being called a coward and a rodent by a “brother”.

By mildly frowning.

(Side note: WUKONG IS NOT IN THE WRONG FOR NOT DEFENDING MACAQUE FROM PENG. Macaque never went above a mild frown and never acted hurt or upset beyond this little facial expression. If he was sad ((WHICH HE WASN’T)) or seethingly angry ((WHICH HE WASN’T)) then it’s on Macaque and Macaque alone for not defending himself. Wukong is not his brother’s keeper, etc.)

(Macaque, even in the past, was a lot stronger than he’s often given credit for. Did this remark make him unhappy? Yes. Did it break or ruin him? No.)

He has no friends or ties to the past. No mentor and no fellows and no troop. No one likes him. No one wants him. No once cares about him… except for the Monkey King.

All he has is Sun Wukong.

So already they’re on this MASSIVELY unbalance scale where Wukong has a title and a troop and a heaping handful of immortalities and a band of brothers and a sacred weapon and a mountain and and and!!!

And… Macaque has… his shadow powers?

Yeah, they’re not on level footing. Wukong could pull out of the brotherhood and away from Macaque and throw down his staff and still have so, so much!

And Macaque, if he left Wukong, would have next to nothing.

Sun Wukong is his one good thing. His one star in a dark sky. Sun Wukong is all that Macaque has.

Already is this an EXTREMELY unhealthy dynamic, where you’re basically living for a second person without them putting that devotion back towards you-

Which is exactly what causes the downfall of this relationship.

Macaque doesn’t speak up for or against anything. He’s just willing to sit pretty and play along… because it’s for his one good thing.

Because it’s for Wukong.

Even if his brothers don’t like him, or he gets mocked, or he doesn’t want to play along, Macaque grits his teeth and stays- because it’s for Wukong.

Because he can’t lose his one good thing.

So he’ll do anything.

And that’s the problem.

The Monkey King isn’t asking him to shut up and play nice. Nor does he ask for blind loyalty. And he doesn’t ask his friend not to voice his concerns and fears.

Macaque is choosing to do these things.

Because he can’t lose his one good thing.

Macaque is choosing to “internalize” (again, this isn’t the appropriate way to use that word, but I’ve set a precedent here) his thoughts and feelings.

Macaque pulls everything inside, and Sun Wukong pushes it all out.

The First Crack: Uneven Expectations

Macaque is not honest with his thoughts and feelings. He never actually expresses the way he feels to Wukong, which leads to the Monkey King never understanding his feelings. But you know what Macaque DOES do?

He gently and softly nudges the idea of maybe kinda I dunno potentially not taking over the entire Celestial Realm???

But he doesn’t say no.

Macaque never expresses himself or genuinely tries to talk Wukong out of overthrowing the Jade Emperor. He just hints at the idea and EXPECTS Wukong to pick up on his thoughts and wants without any real effort on his own part. He puts ALL of the onus onto Wukong to understand and reach out to him, without putting that amount of time and effort in himself.

Macaque wants to be understood without putting on the effort to be understandable, which isn’t fair to Wukong at all.

The Second Crack: Unfairly Divided Consequences

Wukong is solely punished for the crimes of six men, and left to rot while his sworn brothers run free.

(Quotes pulled from prior analysis)

Sun Wukong is trapped. For attempting to overthrow the Jade Emperor, he is sentenced to FIVE HUNDRED YEARS trapped under a mountain.

Let me elaborate for anyone who doesn't sympathize.

For the next five hundred years, Sun Wukong will be 75% immobile and alone under a nearly lightless mountain. There will be no noise, no stimulation, and no company. He will suffer in silence, and he will suffer alone.

But you know who ISN'T being punished for an attempt to overthrow the Jade Emperor?

Macaque.

Now, this is funny. Wukong leads a six strong band of brothers against the forces of the Celestial Realm, but only ONE of them faces consequences for the rebellion- himself.

Even five hundred years later when Wukong is set free and traveling with his fellow pilgrims...

No one else has faced consequences for the rebellion. All five of Wukong's "brothers" (Azure Lion, Peng, Demon Bull King, Yellowtusk, and yes, Macaque) get away scot-free to continue their plans and schemes.

I would be pissed. You would be pissed. There is not ONE SINGLE PERSON in this world that would NOT be pissed about how blatantly unfair this is.

(End Quote)

This is especially important if you read Azure Lion’s about Wukong “surrendering” as the truth (he is an unreliable narrator), then it’s likely his brothers were spared as a result of his surrender. And still, he’s all alone in this cavern, bored and uncomfortable and angry.

And probably very sad and lonely, too.

The Third Crack: Peach Symbolism

When Wukong wants to cheer Macaque up, what does he do?

Engage in snacking and physical affection that leaves the two snuggled up side by side on a sunny beach.

Seems like the Monkey King has a pretty good read on his best bud!

Now, how does Macaque repay the favor?

After an unknown period of time spent in the extensively explained condition above leaves Wukong angry and frustrated, Macaque comes by to-

Jam a peach into Wukong’s face and act like nothing is wrong at all.

Sun Wukong doesn’t want to pretend that nothing is wrong. He doesn’t want to act like everything is okay. He wants to be free.

But Macaque has put on an act this entire time. He’s played along and kept quiet and complacent and been “good”, and even now is he acting.

So he presents, of all fucking thing, a peach.

Sun Wukong likes peaches, yes. They’re likely a comfort food from a time long past, a constant in his long, long life.

(I bet that on Flower Fruit Mountain there’s a special strain untainted by the push of genetically-modified fruit that’s grown to be chock-full of sugar. I bet it’s his absolute favorite thing in the world to eat. I bet he shared it with the Pilgrims. I bet he wishes he could share it with them again. I bet.)

They’re a symbol of massive freedom- freedom from strife and pain and death.

And having that symbol presented to him so plainly and pretend-happily?

It’s just the final nail in his diminishing coffin of self-control.

The Fourth Crack: Wukong Lashes Out

So, as was unavoidable from the start of his imprisonment- Wukong snaps and rejects the peach, mocking Macaque for trying to cheer him up from a five-hundred year sentence with fruit and a false smile.

But he doesn’t stop there-

The Monkey King continues to castigate his best friend, blaming him for things that are the shoulderweights of six men.

Except he’s not really lashing out at Macaque directly- he’s just lashing out, and Macaque happens to be the nearest target.

There was bound to be a breakdown eventually. No matter how you look at this scenario, anyone would snap. There’s literally not even one person who wouldn’t break down eventually.

And then, Macaque lashes right back, and says something very interesting-

The Fifth Crack: Macaque Lies and Run Away

(Censored quotes taken from same analysis)

No, he didn't.

Macaque nudges the idea. He implies the idea. He hints it, quietly and softly.

"You're really going through with this?" Is not him shutting down the idea of fighting the Celestial Realm.

It's him being a coward and trying to dance around the issue without a direct confrontation.

Not even once does Macaque say: “We shouldn't fight the Jade Emperor."

He directly LIES to present himself as being the better person during this fight.

Macaque is lying to his best friend’s face to make himself look better in this utterly pointless argument, then prepares to run away and never comes back- but not before placing literally all of the blame for EVERYTHING onto Wukong’s shoulders.

(End quote)

Final Crack: YOU are responsible for MY behavior!

Finally, Macaque makes a few last “Nothing is ever MY fault!” statements to Wukong, consisting of:

“You dragged everyone else into this!”

“You put yourself here, not me!”

Which are BOTH blatantly untrue, given that

1. The Azure Lion is actually the one who started the Brotherhood in the first place

2. Macaque is a grown man who makes his own decisions

3. The rest of the Brotherhood are grown men who make their own decisions

4. Macaque went along with the plan willingly

5. The rest of the Brotherhood went along with the plan willingly

6. Everyone took part in the attempted rebellion of their own will and volition

Everyone is responsible for the end result, including Macaque who was there literally every step of the way, but he doesn’t want to accept that!

Macaque wants to be a perfect little victim who can wipe his hands of the matter, and who better to blame…

Then his “one good thing”, who is now utterly helpless and incapable of doing anything about it?

Macaque only finally lashes out and speaks up when there is literally no way to face recourse for it- which is proof of the cowardice lurking inside him.

There’s a big reason that Wukong calling him out for “running away” hits so hard and is what finally prompts Macaque into speaking up and tries to absolve himself of all blame.

Because Macaque knows that Wukong is right.

The first thing that Macaque does when things go wrong is to prioritize himself and run away. (Just remember how he responded to unleashing the Samadhi Fire.) Then, when all is said and past and it’s time to tell the tale, Macaque will whitewash himself- which he does blatantly in “Shadowplay”.

So when his gilded “one good thing” finally cracks the image Macaque built up by being a fallible person who stumbles and slips up and makes very human mistakes?

He abandons ship, and allows his flaws to start sliding out- now Macaque is “externalizing”, which he’ll continue to do to the present day- taking everything inside and putting it out- by projecting and slandering and lying and trying to hurt innocent people.

Essentially, Macaque puts his best friend on a pedestal and of his own will and volition plays the role of “lackey” for nothing in return without being asked, then ditches him over a fight and returns to a much unhealthier group of “friends”, while Sun Wukong is left to serve a lonely sentence as punishment. But because the Monkey King receives punishment and does his time, Wukong is allowed a chance at redemption under the loving and caring eye of his Master, Tang Sanzang, and manages to redeem himself, where his guilty brothers going free leads them to continually rack up crimes that leaves them on the receiving end of the pilgrims wrath.

Okay I’m tired now love you guys ❤️❤️

[gaywarcriminals]

On Mouthwashing, Qijiu, cruel characters, and the role of discomfort in blorbo analysis. 

I recently watched a playthrough and some video essays about the indie horror game Mouthwashing (spoilers ahead). For those not familiar, the game follows a man named Jimmy in a crashed spaceship where he reveals himself to be an unreliable narrator and fucked up in a variety of ways as the game progresses. 

Although I’m not immersed in the fandom and thus have a limited sample size, I noticed that people treat him as nearly inhuman. He’s the sole bad actor, a terrible monster destined to hurt everyone. I find this deeply ironic considering the game’s themes of responsibility and accountability: isn’t this kind of dehumanization absolving him of his responsibility to act decently?

It’s also strange to me, because the game goes at lengths to show Jimmy has an enabler. Captain Curly is Jimmy’s friend and boss who is made aware of Jimmy’s erratic and violent behavior multiple times, chooses to do nothing, and ultimately makes possible many deaths through his inaction. Aside from Jimmy’s public outbursts, there are even scenes with a specific member of their crew expressing how unsafe she feels around Jimmy. Despite this, a decent portion of the fandom sees Curly as nothing more than one of Jimmy’s victims, which is curious to me when placed in contrast with Yue Qingyuan and Shen Jiu.

Yeah yeah I’m blorbo-brained, but I think there’s a lot of points for comparison between Qijiu and Jimmy & Curly, at least in terms of their dynamic and social roles. Jimmy and Shen Jiu are both antisocial assholes with an unhealthy fixation on the generally well liked and affable guy just above them on the totem poll. They’re both convinced their superior is looking down on them, and resent the power he has (SJ less so, he has a lot of other reasons to resent YQY). They both use what power they do have to abuse those below them. Curly and YQY, for their parts, are shown to be explicitly aware of most if not all of their friend’s worrying/dangerous behavior, but do nothing meaningful to stop it. 

If they’re so similar, then why in the case of Mouthwashing is Curly often absolved of his complicity in the face of Jimmy’s overwhelmingly awful actions, whereas in the Scum Villain fandom, it’s just as common to see people pin all of SJ’s actions on YQY and vice versa?

Now, there’s a couple obvious reasons for this. For one, Mouthwashing is a horror game and Jimmy very effectively makes himself the antagonist, which lends itself to the interpretation of him as a the monster afflicting the other characters. For another, Jimmy sexually abused a shipmate, which is a particularly despicable crime (although so, I would argue, is child abuse). There’s also the fact that Curly is very physically robbed of agency for most of the game’s runtime, which might make it harder to see his power and agency before that point, but perhaps the most important difference is that to fans, Jimmy is deeply unlikable, and Shen Jiu is not. 

Personally, I think the reason a lot of people make Jimmy out to be a monster and Shen Jiu to be tragically misunderstood is simple: it can be uncomfortable to like a bad person. 

I don’t think there should be any shame in liking characters who are fucked up people that do horrible things, but I think it chafes at some sensibility within many of us, learned or innate, when we feel such deep emotional connection to a character who’s actions we would normally morally condemn. 

I’ve definitely observed that in some parts of the Shen Jiu fandom– it's the kind of sentiment that leads to discounting his canonical actions in favor of fanon. I’ve never found those fanons very compelling because I have never had any discomfort with Shen Jiu’s canonical actions— in fact, him being a despicable if pitiable mess is what drew me to him (I’m typically quite the fucked-up-evil-guy liker). For once, though, I find myself on the other side of this discomfort with Yue Qingyuan. 

I was thinking today about how one of the earliest things YQY says to SY!SQQ— his 9th line in the novel— was telling SQQ that LBH is strung up in the woodshed, where SQQ always leaves him after beating him. It implies not just that YQY knows about this singular punishment, but that this is an extended pattern of behavior. To me, YQY seems uncomfortable with the situation, but he does nothing to stop LBH from being abused aside from telling SQQ to “be less hard on him”, even though he’s the only person in the sect above SQQ, and potentially the only one with the authority to stop him. 

If Yue Qingyuan knew, did Luo Binghe know the sect leader had found out? Did Luo Binghe know he had been abandoned to his fate?

Like Curly, I think that Yue Qingyuan’s most unforgivable fault as a character was enabling Shen Jiu’s abuse of Luo Binghe and potentially other disciples. I think YQY’s motivations made sense, and I understand the choices he made, but when I think about it for too long I can feel a deep pit in my stomach grow. 

Why does YQY’s arguably lesser crime of enabling SJ bother me so much more than SJ’s own direct actions? Perhaps because I still want to see Yue Qingyuan as a good person, whereas Shen Jiu has already declared himself evil. Maybe I’ve been a little bit caught up in our unreliable narrator’s point of view. 

Fascinatingly, despite his adoration for Luo Binghe, Shen Yuan cum Shen Qingqiu never (to my recollection at least), blames Yue Qingyuan for SJ’s actions. Instead, he sees YQY as one of SJ’s victims— someone that SJ as good as killed, even if it was LBH’s orders that loosed the arrows. 

Shen Qingqiu has a tendency to, for lack of a better term, woobify his favs, and although LBH is by far the most frequent recipient of this treatment, I’d argue that YQY actually receives it more consistently. This is partially because he’s relegated to friendly NPC whereas poor Binghe is the Big Scary Protagonist, but the only time in the whole novel I can think of SQQ seeing YQY as a person capable of harm and fucking up is after YQY’s confession where SQQ puts it together with SJ’s flashbacks, but even then, SQQ sees him more as a cautionary tale for him and Binghe than someone who’s hurt others. Given this narrative bias, I’m honestly surprised* that more of the fandom isn’t simping for YQY too.

Ultimately, I think this discomfort is normal and worthwhile– something to lean into rather than away from. I’d even say it's necessary, should we ever hope to be more media literate than Peerless Cucumber.

*well, I’m not, but that’s a whole piece of fandom history better left untouched

[makncheese12]

Top Shelf pt. 5

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 6, Part 7

Masterlist

Summary: being the kid of a well-known book store owner was easy, so was running into famous people. But being book smart doesn’t make everyone people smart.

A/N: the location set for where they eat isn’t a place in New York I think but it is where I’m from so I’m using it🥲

You guys would be astonished if you knew who the characters I created represented

I had a hard time writing for the character I put in here because I’m still not sure how to write people like her🥲

Warning: my writing, language,

Jenna Ortega x fem!reader

“I changed my mind,” Lyle says suddenly as you dry your hair off glancing toward him. Hair dye setting in hair that is now dyed half pink and half black as he smiles down at his phone.

The boy had an unhealthy obsession with dying his hair lately and you had to be the one to dye it.

“About what?” You ask tightening the towel around your body as you walk out of the bathroom and toward you closet. “This is my favorite.”

He holds up a picture of you and Jenna walking down the street from the last few days making you roll your eyes.

The two of you had hung out a quite a few times after the first time and you were starting to get used to the both her and the paparazzi’s presence in your life.

You were actually enjoying it. The scandal online of people thinking the two of you are dating with how much you two are together, not to mention the Instagram follow.

The photos that were taken of you both were decent.

It’s funny really. The pictures, the edits, being stopped suddenly in the street so Jenna could take a picture with a fan or sign something. You were enjoying seeing her interact with them and how different she acted with you.

The only downsides were the amount of threats and questions you were getting on Instagram. It got to the point where you had to turn off you messages.

Another being that when they took pictures of you it was always you looking at Jenna some type of way and it irked your nerves at how obvious your love struck state was.

“You just said that about the last one you saw.” You reply as you pull an outfit off the hangers.

“Yeah but this one is the one.” He says, rolling onto his back on your bed. “You two look so cute in it, plus your making lovey dovey eyes at her, as usual.”

You huff out before letting the towel drop and start to get dressed. “What’s you guys relationship, anyway?” He asks without looking up knowing you were changing.

What was it really? Truth be told, you didn’t know yourself.

“We’re friends, what else?” You say pulling your shirt over your head. He lets out a loud groan, plopping his phone down before rolling around on your bed.

“You cannot be serious right now.” He says now laying on his stomach and looking up at you.

You let out a huff pulling your pants up. You were just friends, friends who text and go out a lot. He was just jealous your time was being taken away from him surely.

You’d have to admit, spending time with Jenna was way better than spending time with Lyle. Not that you didn’t enjoy Lyle’s company it was just that Jenna gave you other feelings than Lyle ever could.

While Lyle made you feel disgust, happiness and frustration Jenna made you feel nervous, excitement and attraction.

The feelings were definitely different.

“You cannot be serious right now.” You repeat his words in a high pitch mocking tone before tossing your towel in the basket and making your way toward your desk.

“At what point will you take me seriously?” He asks as Achilles jumps on his back before settling into his new found seat.

“At what point will you be serious?” You ask. “Right now.” He replies, tossing his phone on the bed and looking toward you.

“You two are literally so cute together but very oblivious.” He says making you press your lips together and roll your eyes.

“I’m so serious, like,” he says sitting up and Achilles falls off before being picked up and put into his lap.

“I’ve seen the videos and pictures, one looking away while the others stares or the way you smile at each other.” He rambles as you let out a sigh.

It was true that you couldn’t deny your feelings for Jenna, Lyle knew that. The way she makes your heart beat faster at her unrelenting stare, the way her laugh makes you want to smile.

But you couldn’t assume her feelings for you, of course she wouldn’t have any other than friend ship.

“Just because you see something doesn’t make it real.” You reply, interrupting his list making him roll his eyes.

“I know what I see and I can see the attraction coming from both of you and onto the other.” He says menacingly stroking Achilles who purrs out closing his eyes.

“I never said I wasn’t attracted to her,” you argue shaking your head and he raises an eyebrow. “I just think she doesn’t feel the same thing.”

The man lets out a hum of slight disapproval. “Obliviousness is truly a torture.” He says clicking his tongue and shaking his head.

“You have to show your attraction, not that you already have with those looks but you also have to say and show it.” He finishes and you knit your eye brows together.

Did he straight up want you to confess without knowing if she returned the feeling?

“How exactly?” You raise an eyebrow at him and lean back into your desk chair.

“Allow me to demonstrate.” Oh god.

The man stands and grabs your arms to pull you onto the bed to sit next to him. He sits closer to you and makes sure to get into your personal space. “This is weird.” You mumble scooting away from him slightly.

He only responds by scooting closer to you and looking into your eyes. You look around for a moment, unsure of what he was doing.

He continues to stare and you continue to look away, avoiding his eyes. “There,”

“What?” You ask, now confused with the man who was supposedly trying to help you.

“You have this issue of not being able to hold eye contact, it’s a form of attraction through body language.” He says, smirking down at you as you roll your eyes.

“It makes you seem sexy and mysterious.” He wiggles his eyebrows at you before leaning in with a kissy face and you stop immediately with your palm. “You’re not sexy nor mysterious at all.”

“Yeah, but I try.” He shrugs leaning back slightly. “But it really should work if someone finds any attraction toward you.”

“Okay, cupid,” you snort before scooting away from him once again. “Only problem is is that I’m not attracted to you.” You finish as the boy scoots closer to you.

He once again ignores you as he yanks your legs to face him. “Pay attention, demonstration number two.”

He puts his legs in the same position as yours, along with his posture.

“What is this?” You ask, once again confused as the man copies your movements. “It’s a big sign mostly, copying the movement of the person you like or mirroring the position. you used to do it a lot in high school when you dated that senior chick.” He replies and you send him a glare.

“I did not date her.” You reply, crossing your legs. “Yeah,” he says copying your movements. “But you had sex with her it’s the same thing.”

“You and I have very different perspectives on dating— stop that!” You raise your voice slightly as the man uncrosses his legs along with yours.

“Demonstration number three!” He claps before leaning his shoulder toward yours, body very close to yours as you try to lean away from him.

“Let me guess,” you huff out pushing his shoulders away from your own.

The man never had any form of personal space, even in your early years or when you first met. He was always in someone’s bubble.

“They lean toward you while your talking to them, focusing only on you.” You say as the man leans closer with a cheeky smile.

“Ding ding ding.” The mimicked sound of a bell makes you roll your eyes. “And tonight I will be on the look out for those signs.” He says smiling to himself in thought.

“Speaking of,” you say standing up and grabbing a towel from a pile. “Let’s get your hair done so we can get ready to go.”

“Insta story!” He grabs his phone before rushing past you and into the bathroom. You shake your head and let out a quiet chuckle at his obsession with pictures.

You all had that obsession though. Posting pictures and moments you like to have for later and to look at when you got older or grew apart. Not that he’d ever allow that to happened.

But it got to the point where you were scared of the pictures he had, you knew he had bad ones but you didn’t know how many. The scary part was that he had the power to post it whenever he wanted.

He should be afraid of the ones you had too.

“Hurry, I need to get a good angle before you wash it all out.” He rushes as he holds in the camera to the mirror as you grab gloves and begin putting them on ignoring the clicking sounds.

“Don’t worry, I’ll only post the good ones of you so your boo doesn’t see your bad angle.” He says while scrolling through the pictures making you roll your eyes.

“She’s not my boo.” You mumble and he snorts. “Whatever you say.”

————

“Remember,” the man walking next to you says after pulling your head phones off. “Look for my three attraction signs.”

You huff out and nod while scooting closer toward him as more people entered the train.

“And if she doesn’t show any signs?” You ask, chest against his as someone bumps into you. You both send a subtle glare before looking back toward each other.

“Then you show them,” he smirks down at you, hair tied up in a half up half down style but still having some strands cover his face. “I’m sure she’s not as dense as you are.”

You now send him the glare as you glance down at your phone before smiling at the sight of Jenna’s double text before texting back.

Jenna -

We’re on the way now:)

My friend can’t wait to meet you!

You -

Lyle is just as enthusiastic about meeting you

We’re on the train about be there

Jenna -

Cant wait to meet him

“‘Love struck’ is definitely the word to describe you.” Lyle states and your smile falls looking up at him.

“Don’t hide it now, I’ve already seen you smiling at your phone like she’s there for real.” He rolls his eyes before checking his own phone.

“Whose her friend anyway?” He asks and you shrug. “She won’t say, says it’s a surprise.”

“Great, yet another sexy and mysterious individual in our lives.” He shakes his head and you hit his chest with the back of your hand.

The train comes to a slow stop before the doors open allowing you both to make your way out and toward the exit.

It’s a struggle though as you move past the many people in the train station trying to find a way out without pushing.

“Jeez, the tourist this time of year are always so annoying.” The man mumbles, grabbing your hand. He was right, people wanting to spend Christmas in New York was a hassle but it was worse after Christmas was over.

“Watch it!” A man calls pushing past your shoulder. “Sorry..” You mumble getting closer to Lyle as the man glares down at you before moving through the crowd once more.

“Asshole.” Lyle mumbles, wrapping his arm through yours to keep you close as you both finally make it out of the crowded staircase.

“Come on, before we’re late meeting your boo and her friend.” The man pulls you through the street as you groan.

“She’s not my boo! Stop saying that it’s so weird.” You say as he drags you through the crowd. “But you want her to be.” He calls out in a sing song voice that makes you gag.

He slows down after a moment, deep in thought as you stare up at him.

Another moment goes by before he lets out a hum.

“You never really confirmed it,” he says glancing down toward you. “If you actually want her or not. Yeah, you said you were attracted to her but not if you actually liked her.”

The statement causes your entire face to heat up as you look away from the boy.

You never really thought about it, mostly thinking about how stunning she looked or when she would text and ask to hang out next. Never once did you think about if you could actually be in a real relationship with her.

“In a sense..” you mumble scratching the back of your head. He raises his eyebrow at you and waits patiently for you to finish.

You both take notice to people glancing in your direction, whispers suddenly surround you. Something you were still getting used to.

“I mean, I do like her.” You start your ramble and the boy smiles. “She’s amazing, perfect even. Her personality is even better than it is on TV, she’s funny, way more considerate of where I want to go with her, she talks just enough to where I can also talk, she’s absolutely gorgeous,” you continue your list and Lyle nods, smile growing as you speak.

He had never seen you so passionate about something other than the music you listen too or something you’ve hyper fixated on. So listening to you speak of something — or rather someone — else was definitely a sight for him to see.

He knew the brunette had you wrapped around her finger just by your long list, even if you didn’t know it yourself.

“And did I mention she has a great sense of style?” You suddenly come to a stop of your rambling. “I’ve seen it plenty to know.” He laughs and you groan out.

“Okay, so why don’t you make a move exactly?“ he asks and your smile falls.

“Why would she say yes to me?” You ask lowly as the boys smile falls to.

She had many other options with people who could treat her to a life of luxury or even just treat her better. So why would she pick the weird library kid who stays inside playing video games all day?

“You’re all those things too, minus to the style of course.” Lyle tries to comfort you only for you to elbow him in his gut.

“I’m being serious,” he laughs grabbing your arm and pushing it away lightly. “You’re just as amazing as anyone else. You don’t give yourself enough credit.” He finishes with a small smile.

You nod slowly before looking back forward and grabbing for his hand.

“Don’t be gross now.” You mumble and the boy chuckles to himself.

You both continue to walk through down the street before arriving at the location sent to you by Jenna making Lyle let out a loud gasp.

“Sushi?” He asks, arms spread out as he gestures to the red sign ‘Kenko’s habachi’ as if he was trying to hug it. “How’d she know?! What’d you tell her?” He questions are more of demands as he turns to you.

“Nothing, as I said.” You say, stuffing your hands in your pockets. “She has taste.”

A grimace is set on his face at your comment. “Please don’t tell me your referring to yourself.” Your face falls and you point to it, clearly annoyed at his comment after your last conversation.

“Kidding,” he says turning back toward the building like a child in a toy factory. “So how does this work? Do we go inside and wait?”

“We just wait, I usually do.” You say, taking a seat on a nearby bench as the man continues to stare up.

“What a good dog.” He replies only giving you a glance. “But what about seats?” He asks mc ignoring your loud huff.

“Usually taken care of.” You say before slipping your head phones back on and turning up the sound to drown out what ever he says.

You close your eyes and begin to think of the various ways this night could go. Lyle embarrassing you to death, the so called signs he wants you to use and look for, Jenna’s friend, how Jenna looks. Anything to pass the time before you come to a realization.

How long was she staying in New York?

She had been here for about a month and half now, at least since you’ve known her. She was bound to leave for LA again to be with her family and home again.

The thought made you feel some sort of dread. The relationship you both built could go crumbling down once she left and you couldn’t do anything about while all the way across the United States.

Then again what could you do? Ask her not to return to her home and stay with you? Not possible. You weren’t in any position to ask such a question but that wouldn’t stop you from begging if you had a choice to.

Who wouldn’t want to be on the knees in front of such a woman after all?

You’re pulled from your thoughts as your head phones are yanked off. Your eyes snap open to see Lyle glaring down toward, Jenna trying to hold in her laugh and a girl who’d you recognized after watching Jenna’s most recent show.

You didn’t know her name but you knew not to call her by the name you knew her by, that would end horrible on your end by Lyle.

“Hey,” Jenna says as you stand up and snatch your head phones back from Lyle. “Hey.” You reply and Lyle makes a face.

“‘Hey’? That’s it?” He whispers to himself as if he were expecting more and you send him a glare.

“We’ve gotta stop meeting like this.” Jenna says gesturing to your head phones as you put them back in their case.

“Are you suggesting that I have a head phone problem?” You ask, smirk in your face as you shove the container into your pocket.

She considers the question for a moment before nodding. “Maybe a little?” She says and your face falls as it does whenever Lyle tries to say something funny.

“I’m only saying you have them in all the time right before I see you.” She defends putting her hands up.

“What else am I meant to do? Just sit there or walk? No, I gotta have some sort of background noise that’s not yelling or cars honking.” You huff out and shake your head.

Jenna’s smile grows as she looks up at you.

You glance to Lyle who puts up a single finger mouthing ‘number one’ making you internally roll your eyes.

Your eyes travel back to Jenna who continues to smile and stare and you can’t help but agree with. The eye contact was insanely attractive when it came to her as you try your hardest not to look away from hers.

You both continue to stare unbeknownst to the pair beside you. It was starting to become unbearable for the two, is this all what you two did?

Sure, it was only a few moments that and passed but it was still awkward.

Lyles eyes travel to the girl Jenna brought as he presses his lips with a suggestive look on his face that makes the girl smile and nod in agreement to his silent statement.

“Well then!” Lyle calls out clapping his hands together. “Re-introductory time,” he smiles and holds out his hand to Jenna.

“Great to meet you again on less awkward time, I’m Lyle.” He says as she takes his hand and shakes it. “Nice to meet you, i’ve heard a lot about you.” She says and Lyle smirks.

“As have I about you.” Your cheeks rise in heat as you clear your throat and look away from the two.

“Oh! And this is Emma.” Jenna introduces and the girl steps forward with a adorable smile you can’t help but notice.

“Hi, I’ve also heard a lot about you.” She laughs as she shakes your hand. Jenna’s cheeks also get warm as she she sends a small kick to her friends foot you don’t seem to notice.

“It’s nice to meet you, Emma.” You say before Lyle begins rushing the three of you.

“Sushi time, let’s go. Let’s go!” The man states as you all make your way inside.

“I’m beginning to see what you meant by him being a bit much.” Jenna says watching Lyle make his way toward the fish tank like a child.

You huff out before going after him. “Dude,” you mumble as you watch him watch the fish. “You’ll get to eat some in a bit, stop slobbering on the glass.”

“You two really are bad at reading signs.” He replies, head turning side ways but eyes never leaving the tank. “You’re trying too hard to act natural, just relax.”

You scoff before pulling him back toward the duo only to see Emma whispering something to Jenna whose face had only become more red.

The waitress grabs four menus and makes her way toward the back of the restaurant.

“I love your hair, by the way.” Emma says, falling back to walk with Lyle who gives her a toothy smile. “Why thank you, I just got it done.” He says as if he had paid to get it done, you should have made him pay.

You watch as the waitress places the menus down in a booth before making your way to one side and taking a seat. Jenna not too far behind you as she subconsciously decides to sit with you.

Lyle looks back at Emma with the same suggestive look on his face as he allows her to enter first before following after.

He takes notice to how close you both sit and allows a small smirk to set into his face before opening his menu and slamming it shut immediately.

You send him a questioning look as you opening your own. You places his hand on the table and drums two fingers on the table, looking around trying to be discreet.

You let out a quiet huff before looking back down to your menu, unable to resist the urge to look through your peripheral view to see he was in fact right.

Jenna seemed to be doing what Lyle was doing earlier. Your legs were slightly tilted toward hers and so were hers, hands holding the menu as you did.

But then again she was very focused on said menu, not enough to be able to copy anything you were doing. You were glad he was sort of wrong but also disappointed.

“You’d definitely like the shrimp tempura, it’s actually cooked but also really good for sushi.” Lyle states as he points to Emma’s menu, elbows on the table as he leans over to look over her menu. You watch Emma’s eyebrows raise as he continues to recommend different things, clearly listening carefully as she nods along.

A small smile forms on your face, his lack of personal space was indeed always there. Even for strangers. But then again that was his specialty, finding friends by just simply being himself rather than acting awkward.

But then there was his humor that threw most people off, very dark. You were used to it though, him mentioning things that would put him in an insane asylum before laughing to himself making the people who get it laugh as well.

“What are you getting?” Jenna’s voice breaks you out of your thoughts as your eyes snap from Lyle and Emma to Jenna who seemed to be sitting much closer than before.

You lean over to look at her menu forgetting about your own in your hand as you point to the thing you get the most.

She scrunches her nose — the action absolutely adorable — slightly as she read the description, clearly displeased with you answer. “Really?”

You shrug before closing your own menu and sliding it forward. “It’s what I’ve eaten for the past few times, i think it’s good.” You lean against your hand on the table, body turned to her more.

She nods to herself for a moment before looking back down to her menu, once again you find yourself jealous of a menu.

Lyle takes notice to your longing stares and Jenna obliviousness take scowls in distaste at the sight.

With how much you talked about her he would think you would be flirting at this point with how much you’ve hung out. But no, you clearly are too much of an idiot not to see both you and Jenna’s body language toward each other.

“But what is the best platter?” Emma asks suddenly and your attention is suddenly drawn toward her as you lean over the table to talk.

He gapes at you for a moment, wondering why you would take your attention off your ‘date’ to recommended things to his before he got the chance.

You had a goddess next to you and you decided to talk about platters? He decides then and there it was time to take matters into his own hands.

His eyes travel to Jenna who no longer looks at her menu, instead toward you and Emma with a look in her eyes Lyle knows inside and out.

He stares at her and waits for a moment, clearly intent on getting her to look back at him and she does.

He narrows his eyes her before tilting his head which makes her in return knit her eye brows. He glances toward you then back to her before raising an eyebrow.

Jenna too glances at you before biting her lip nervously before looking back to him. He widens eyes while keeping his eyebrow raised and tilting his head to the side to gesture toward you.

Jenna hesitates for a moment, looking between Lyle and you before nodding along with Lyle who lets out a silent breath.

At least someone took his hints.

She sends him one last glance as you sit back into your seat, all four of you now waiting on the waitress, Lyle and Emma taking up a new conversation topic.

“I meant to tell you before,” Jenna says suddenly catching both you and Lyles attention. “Your outfit looks really nice.” The compliment is subtle yet noticeable.

You look down to look at your outfit you had actually tried on. Ever since you met Jenna you had actually been trying on looking good instead of wearing simple jeans and a sweat shirt. Not that you’d ever tell her that.

“Thank you, my mom actually bought this for me.” You say and Lyle froze before his eyes travel to you in horror.

Who responds to a compliment like that?

“Well, she knows what colors look good on you.” Retorts, saving her own compliment. It works as your face heats up and you smile before chuckling nervously as the waitress walks up you table.

Lyle felt his eye twitch as you order, the sudden urge to strangely you was set into his mind as his finger start to flex.

The audacity of you not complimenting her back was an atrocity.

His eyes travel to Jenna who seemed well satisfied with her compliment and your reaction, far more confident than before. It did not satisfy Lyle.

As the waiter walks away, Lyle felt the need to punish you for your crimes. He quickly kicks his foot out attempting to kick you but instantly regrets it.

“Ow!” Jenna calls out and his eyes go wide. “What’s wrong?” You ask as soon as the word leaves Jenna’s lips.

“Did you just kick me?” Jenna asks, looking up to Lyle whose face sets into panic before looking to you. The worried look on your features evident as you place a hand on Jenna’s arm. He decides this was a far better punishment.

“Yeah,” he nods and looks to you. “Did you just kick her?” The attitude in his accusation bewilders you as your mouth hangs open.

“What?” You ask, glaring at the boy who glares back. “Why would you kick her?” He asks, gesturing his hands toward you and you let out a laugh.

“That’s funny,” you say shaking your head at the boy who crosses his arms. “I’m sitting right next to her how would that be possibly?” You ask and the man shrugs in exaggeration.

“I don’t know, you tell me!” He says and you huff out. Jenna, the pain now forgotten, finds the petty argument amusing as Emma just sits there sipping her drink enjoying the drama completely oblivious to what’s going on.

————

Lyle watches as the two of you speak while walking ahead, well more so Jenna talks and you stare shamelessly. You two walk closely, closer than the distance He and Emma walked together or just regular friends. Further proving his third demonstration to be correct.

His eyes travel to the paparazzi who also shamelessly stared and took pictures then back to you.

You two were to busy in your own little world to really notice. Now he sees why there were so many pictures, you two were just out there rather than hiding away in the safety of privacy.

The privacy you used to enjoy before Jenna, the privacy you needed for your family but just didn’t care anymore.

“Those two are so annoying,” he mumbles, catching Emma’s attention. “I mean, they’re clearly interesting in each other but Y/N doesn’t want to admit it!”

Emma’s eyes light up at his statement. “Exactly, thank you!” Emma says and the man’s eyes snap to hers. “All she talks about is Y/N.” Emma comes back to a sudden quietness the two had and his interest is now piqued.

“Go on,” he says, nudging her with his elbow and raising his eyebrows.

“I mean, she doesn’t only talk about Y/N but whenever she gets tracked up in her phone it always ‘Y/N texted’ or ‘I’m texting Y/N, hold on’. It’s ridiculous but what’s really annoying is when we try to get her to ask her out and she says that that’s a stupid thing to do and doesn’t think she likes her back or something.”

Lyle’s head snaps to her, eyes wide. “She thinks that?” He asks making them slow down so you two didn’t hear their conversation.

Emma hesitates for a moment, clearly debating if Jenna would like this or not but ultimately decides to nod.

“But why?” He asks and the girl tilts her head slightly in question. “I can understand Y/N because of many different reasons but Jenna? She can have castle full of people to choose from and they’d all want her.”

“Maybe that’s why,” Emma says. “Because of how many people she could possibly have, she doesn’t think that any want her for her.”

Lyle takes a moment to think that through and she was in fact right.

She met you by chance and you didn’t know who she was which most likely made the situation feel real. She could tell you about herself without you knowing information from online — true or not true— and you could tell her about yourself without lying to make her more interested in you.

It was all authentic and she could play it out her own way, especially with you already barely knowing her.

“You’re right,” he mumbles in response as he watches Jenna laugh and you smile at her. The smile was one he didn’t recognize, it was far warmer and soft than what he was used to.

Yes, she truly did have you wrapped around her finger.

“We should totally help each other out,” he says suddenly making the girls smile raise. “I could give you little pointers of what Y/N says and you give me one’s Jenna says, you know to keep things up to date for them.”

Emma’s eyes travel to the two of you as you both talk, still ignoring the paparazzi who try to get the best shots in strange positions.

“Plus, I do like to give Y/N little heart attacks so having information on Jenna would help with that.”

The girls smiles once again, clearly interesting on doing the same to Jenna as she pulls her phone out.

————

Lyle once again watches as you hug Jenna before she waves and gets into her car in absolute disgust and disappointment at how short a time you held her. You could have let it linger for a moment, he wouldn’t have minded waiting another moment.

She gets into the tented window car, Emma following suit as she taps her phone to Lyle who nods and throws her a thumbs up.

Her smirk doesn’t go unnoticed by Lyle as you shut the door behind and watch the cat drive off.

Once it’s completely out of view, he hits the back of your head with the back of his hand. And he does so very hard.

“Ow! What the hell!” You hiss out as your hand comes up to hold it. “I’m starting to see why you’re so worried,” he states angrily before turning on his heels and walking.

“You’re absolutely useless to my game of entertainment. You could have at least done a little bit of flirting.”

He continues to walk, now blocking out your yelling and argument as he sets in his plan to do something about this himself since you can’t do a single thing on your own anymore.

Read next part here! (Coming soon)

A/N: I know this is a itty bit rushed but idc cause the juicy stuff is going to happen now, me and my friend have decided to stop teasing and actually get this done.

[twopoppies]

I am genuinely angry.

Someone has died in a very unfortunate and tragic way. A human fucking being and yet the media is treating this like a circus.

Fans too.

They think that Harry, Zayn, Louis, and Niall have something to prove. They are foaming at the mouth to get "proof" that they care and are sad.

THEY OWE US NOTHING!

They want to exploit family members.

How would these photographers and "fans" like it if someone they loved died in this horrible way and the way they handled their grief was recorded for the world and being told they have to act in a certain way.

Grief isn't linear.

Grief doesn't look a certain way.

Everyone grieves differently.

Grief can be crying for a loss.

Grief can be putting on a strong face and facing out into the world, trying to live normally and dealing with everything your way in private.

Grief can be smiling and laughing as you remember your loved one.

You can mourn them and feel better for a while just for the world to come crashing down again when you remember the loss.

So called "fans" do NOT dictate how the boys grieve. They do not get to judge their words, actions, decisions.

They are their own people.

The people who want to meet/comfort/dictate what the boys say have some spectacular, fantastical vision of them. A made up version in their head. It's delusional and unhealthy.

The media are money and power hungry. They're invasive and disgusting.

Being someone associated with paparazzi is embarrassing and should be illegal.

If celebrities wanted us to know where they were, they would tell us.

Jesus Christ this whole thing has just made me sick. A grieving father can't go take care of whatever business he needs to take care of without gross Neanderthals trying to film him. I'm grateful for the fans holding things up and throwing their hands infront of the cameras. I admire Geoff for braving the crowd, thanking the fans and reading their letters and cards, and for being so strong and representing his family in the public eye. I can't imagine the heartache.

I hope and pray that wherever the boys and their families are, they are healthy and coping the best that they can. I hope they are all supporting each other and/or have a good support system. I pray they find the peace they need during this time. I wish all of them well.

My heart goes out to Liam's friends, family, his actual, respectful fans. My heart especially goes out to Cheryl as she navigates this very confusing time. Explaining death to a child is never easy and I can't imagine having to explain the loss of a parent to a 7 year old.

We should spread positivity for Bear to read when the time comes. Share what Liam meant to us. He was our comfort when there was little comfort he could find. He was our joy when he had none himself.

He wasn't a perfect man by any means but he tried his best for his fans, friends, family, his son, but most importantly himself.

Thank you, Liam. ♥ 🕯

❤️ and… I’m crying again.

[bandtrees]

ONE: ok guys here’s an arc about mob, in his growth as a person, being confronted with an ideology he’s unfamiliar with, and he has to learn from it but also understand why it’s unhealthy and bad to properly grow from it and choose kindness in the end, albeit in a more nuanced way than before, and this will make mob more able to confront later problems in the season that can’t be solved with mere kindness and require a deep understanding of loneliness and solitude, something he hasn’t had much room to speak on until now. To express mob being shown this villain’s ideology we have a sequence where we see how mogami views the world and by extension how he sees mob, by putting mob in the kind of sad fucked up world he thinks exists, but mob will overcome it with the knowledge that in the real world he has people he cares about and that even the people who make the world bad sometimes can change and nobody is a static evil and kindness and courage when you’re going through hardship goes a long way. despite the darkness this is ultimately a very uplifting experience for him and a show that life is always more than its darkest moments, and also how picking yourself up instead of wallowing in your own suffering and trauma is hard but a very courageous act and what makes mob stronger than mogami

mp100 fans with tunnel vision: Oh so mob was tortured for six months and is sad? He’s literally so sad and traumatized and nobody is talking about this?

[cass-rambles]

honestly I'm probably overthinking this, but I think it's an interesting detail that in the Unmortricken episode during the whole "trap Saw box" shit we've got this shot of Evil Morty sort of disappointed/dismayed RIGHT as we've got our Morty Prime telling Rick to "take the shot".

Like he's got the sort of annoyed, sort of cast down look for a few seconds (because right after we have the "We both hate Rick Prime more than each other either way" thing) and I'm reading way too much into this, but it makes me think that he does give a shit about Morty, despite his Very Constant Denial.

I mean taking all aspects of the episode under consideration, we've got several scenes where it is heavily underlined that Evil Morty does not care about Rick C-137 nor Morty, even being blunt about it and telling everyone to fuck off or it won't end well.

It's not that I don't believe he wants to be left alone, he very pointedly does, Buttttt I think E!Morty does hold some form of "softness" or positive emotions towards Morty.

Looking at their characteristics in the episode, I know most of the other fans have noticed that our "main" Morty's character seemed to have regressed for the ep to more of s1/s2 behavior, making him look more "whiney" and weak in comparison to Evil Morty. I think it's to point out that if we Had our Morty's normal behavior from even previous episodes of season 7, we'd be able to see how SIMILAR both of them are now.

(I mean c'mon, I get you rushed his character a little, but to fuck it right back to season 1/2 during a significant mid season finale? You've gotta have a bigger reason for it.)

In either case, it's likely that we have an episode of Morty sub-consciously trying his hardest not to act like Evil Morty (That's why we got the development regression for an episode) as Evil Morty seemingly just acts like himself, merely underlining that he does not care.

"This didn't make us friends" okay??? Then why even wait for Prime Morty at all to join Rick in his beat down w Rick Prime? Don't get me wrong, Evil Morty won't suddenly develop attachment to him out of thin air, but imo he sees all the potential Prime Morty has yet is currently wasting it.

It's sort of a little nod to how insane it is of a parallel that Ricks can't fucking stand one another or themselves, immediately trying to one up the other or kill, as to how Mortys can co-exist peacefully and work together without any unhealthy character implements. (Fun fact: If you're into mortycest in one of the comics two Mortys sleep w each other. So we've got established selfcest in canon too if you're imagining and rolling Evil Morty's and Morty's relationship into a more romantic ball court.)

Another little detail I noticed, we have a moment where Rick shoots at Evil Morty again for funsies and I gotta say, the expressions are feeding into my overanalyzing brain . LIKE??? AM I SEEING THIS WRONG?

These two have GOT to have something cooking between them PLEASE.

[aphroditelovesu]

Yandere Cassian Headcanons (Romantic)

''You are everything I ever wanted and I will protect you with everything in me.'' — Cassian.

❝ ⭐ — lady l: Do I have a soft spot for him? I have. Can you blame me? Probably not. Ah, I hope you like it and forgive me for any mistakes! ❤️

❝tw: obsessive and possessive behavior, mention of murder, jealousy, unhealthy relationships.

❝ ⭐pairing: yandere!cassian x gender neutral!reader.

Cassian is very passionate and intense, his feelings are overwhelming and he needs to vent them in one way or another. Usually he does it by fighting, but he needs love. He needs you.

You are everything he ever wanted. It doesn't matter if you're his mate or not, Cassian is completely in love with you and he only wants you.

He can't remember ever wanting someone as much as he wants you. Cassian just knew that he loved you, that he needed you in his life and he wouldn't stop until he got it.

Cassian is a lovesick puppy, basically. He will follow you everywhere with passionate eyes, his wings spreading menacingly to anyone who dares to approach you.

He has no qualms about eviscerating alive anyone who dares to look at you the wrong way. You are all that matters and he will never let you be hurt. And anyone foolish enough to try will regret it very quickly.

He will do anything for you. Anything. Just order and it's yours. Do you want an expensive shoe? It's yours. Do you want a Spring Court rare flower? He'll sneak in there and get it for you. Everything, anything, just ask him.

To say he is overprotective is an understatement, Cassian is completely obsessive when it comes to your safety. Anything that shouldn't be there will be cause for concern and murderous rage. Even if it's just a broken nail, if you weren't the one who broke it, you can be sure that someone will die.

Cassian can't help but be so overprotective, he just wants to take care of you. It's his Illyrian instincts screaming at him to rip apart anyone who poses a threat to you. He's your bodyguard, basically.

He is your biggest fan. If you do anything, he will be rooting for you. If he could, he would wear a t-shirt with your face showing how much pride he has for you. He also constantly seeks your attention and approval.

Cassian would love to train you if you want, although he knows it's dangerous, he wants you to be able to protect yourself if he's not around. He would never forgive himself if something happened to you because he didn't want to teach you how to defend yourself.

Like all males, Cassian is very possessive and jealous and this is nothing new. He gets jealous very easily and generally acts petty about it. In the blink of an eye, he'll be at your side, pulling you into his embrace and staring at whoever made him deathly jealous. No one will take you away from him. No one.

He wants you to be happy with him. That's all he asks. He does not deserve? After all the shit he's been through, Cassian feels like he deserves to be happy and he knows he can only be happy with you. You are everything to him.

Cassian can be called a brute and, although he can often act like that, he is a teddy bear to you. He loves to hold you, hide you in his wings and just be by your side. He needs to always be touching you and not always in a sexual way, he just needs to have confirmation that you are real.

His touches are always soft and gentle on you, as if he's scared of breaking you. Cassian would never forgive himself if he ended up hurting you.

Cassian is a big softie for you. He would never hurt you and would always put you above everything and everyone, including his own family. You are everything to him, his life, his motivation and his reason for breathing. He would die and kill for you in a heartbeat. Cassian just wants to be loved and you are everything he loves, so don't abandon him. He wouldn't react well to that.

He would never force you to stay with him, but Cassian wouldn't let you go. He can't lose anyone else and he won't. You are his and you will always be his.

[olderthannetfic]

https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/739381076510785536/so-it-seems-our-flag-means-death-has-not-been#notes

I liked OFMD and I'm sad it's not getting renewed, but I agree that the fandom was especially toxic, even by the standards of currently popular slash-heavy fandoms. I wanted to read fic after s1 ended the way it did, and I read a little bit, but along with it having all the tropes that I can't stand in a lot of what is currently big with the MSF crowd (and that I'd been happy to have a reprieve from in my current main M/M fandom), the toxicity of the online fandom discourse made me quickly realize it was one that I was going to discuss among my current-friends-from-other-fandoms who also watched it, and my sister who watches it, and pretty much ignore the rest of the Internet. It was such a perfect storm of everything awful, from people who are overly invested in it to an unhealthy degree (I think I realized I wasn't gonna be active in the larger fandom around a month or so before the s2 renewal announcement, when I saw earnest PSA tweets telling people to "stop threatening suicide in HBO's replies if they don't renew OFMD"), to bombarding and parasocial obsessions with the creators and actors, to all the classic "anti" and purity police crap that plagues anything that gets popular on here.

The fandom it reminds me the most of, honestly, is Yuri on Ice fandom at its peak in early-mid 2017. Again, a show I love, but a fandom I absolutely do not miss. In some ways they are kind of similar shows: ones with canon M/M romances where they were not billed as that, and they were hinted from early on but people didn't trust it due to years of dealing with queerbaiting, where that sort of thing slowly crept up on people and then became the defining feature of how it was discussed everywhere. I wonder if there's a particular level of insanity that that type of thing breeds in its fans - or maybe, more broadly, "canon M/M with a large female fanbase." Like, you don't see this kind of thing in canon M/M stuff that's mostly watched by queer men rather than women, but there are shades of the insanity I also remember from Glee fandom (I was more active on the F/F side of things there, which had its own unhinged drama, but the Klaine vs. anti-Klaine stuff was so explosive that it was hard not to notice it if you were anywhere in that fandom, like a mushroom cloud in the distance). But YOI and OFMD do seem very... singular in the particular kind of obsession that they generate.

And I really wish people would shape the fuck up, because if they're going to act like this over and over again, that's just going to de-incentivize showrunners to make shows like this for that audience.

Driving Con O'Neill off Twitter was one of the worst parts of it, too. There was something so refreshingly earnest about how much he embraced the fandom, even the weirdest parts - saying with regard to NSFW fanart that "art is art" and retweeting stuff like his character in a crop-top that said "babygirl." It was so nice to see an actor who didn't usually have that kind of following embrace it wholeheartedly rather than steering clear. ....And then people had to be awful and creepy and obsessive and he left Twitter. I bet he's going to be a lot more skeptical of dealing with fans in the future!

--

It's not just the canon m/m aspect: it's the wholesomeness.

Yes, yes, they're all evil pirates, I agree, but watching S1 did give me the feeling of something that was supposed to be very progressive and light-hearted in particular ways. I don't think that's bad, but it does tend to attract some very over-sensitive fans with some very rigid expectations.

It's sadly par for the course that one of the random side character actors is the fun one and people are jackasses and desperately want the leads they ship to be the fandomy ones and/or just start creeping on any actor they can get a reaction from.

[damned-punk]

What You Won’t Ever Find (Kidd x Reader)

Part One

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Content Warning: nsfw, modern!AU, suggestive language, unhealthy attachment, angst

Content Description: gn!reader meets Kidd in a bar and their relationship develops from there ♡

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You sat in a booth with your recently acquired friend Hip as the last rays of sun faded below the horizon. You’d met while the two of you were searching for the same record at the same store, your conversations often turning into her attempting to convince you to visit her favorite hole-in-the-wall bar. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to spend time with her, it was just such a sudden change in pace from your usual schedule.

The aesthetic of the bar was a punk’s dream with every imaginable band poster lining the walls and music playing at the perfect volume to mask light conversations. Nightfall brought an array of personalities to the establishment, each seemingly more eccentric than the last. As a group filed in through the door, you recognized Hip’s boyfriend Mosh by his neon pink hair that she’d talked so much about. He and several members of the group made a straight line toward your booth, the awkward pressure of social interactions began weighing on you as you wanted to make a good impression.

He’d introduced you to so many people, all as unique as their names, and the conversation was volleying really well. Your initial anxieties had began to falter but resumed in full force as another group entered. They were much bigger and menacing but there was a certain allure that made you silently wish for them to wander over to your booth the same way that Mosh and his crew had. You’d lost all presence in conversation with them as you were captivated by a red head that had sat himself up at the top bar.

The bartender didn’t even take his order, he simply poured him a glass of liquor and went on serving the others with him. He tipped the glass back with painted fingernails and took a glance around the room which allowed you to get a full view. He was clad in black with a matching bandana keeping tuffs of hair from falling across his face. His button up was littered with an array of patches from metal and punk bands that you recognized, as well as a Jolly Roger that somewhat resembled his features. The most striking part of his look was the thick eyeliner and deep red lipstick that beautifully contrasted his pale skin. The ambient lighting reflected off his piercings and only served to enhance his features.

The air was becoming suffocating, especially when he made eye contact with you and held it for a few seconds too long. You couldn’t make out the expression on his stern face and could feel your own heating up. Looking away, you couldn’t help but feel embarrassed about getting caught staring. You’d never seen someone quite like him before and he was undeniably attractive. Without even speaking a word, he’d dominated your whole non-verbal exchange. You were thankful when you glanced up and saw that Mosh had turned in a way that shielded him from your view.

“That’s what I’m saying! Suicidal Tendencies is a great band and I’m a fan of their stuff but there’s something about Bad Religion that just can’t be topped.”, you’d caught the tail end of Hip’s conversation, “Even Kidd, who would argue for the sake of arguing, agrees.”

Mosh and the others shared in a chorus of mixed reactions but nothing could’ve prepared you for the gruff voice that yelled over them all, “Bad Religion fucks and anyone who says otherwise can eat a dick.” The pool of people that were previously acting as your shield had split open to allow entrance for the very person whom you’d just had a staring contest with.

“Speak of the devil and he shall appear.”, Hip stated sarcastically which caused you and a few others to giggle, he must’ve been the infamous Kidd.

“What’re you laughin’ at? I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.”, his expression was much less intimidating than before and you could tell he was just messing with you, but it didn’t help you to be any less flustered.

Something about the way he spoke coupled with the fact that it was directed at you was causing you to short circuit. Hip graciously chimed in that the two of you were friends and that she wanted you to meet everyone. He didn’t say much in regard to her statement, instead opting to stick around with your group. It didn’t take long for his original crew to shuffle over your way and because they all knew each other, which easily allowed them to overpower the mixed chatter, you stayed mostly silent.

There didn’t seem to be many good moments to jump in but you had to admit that you were enjoying listening to them talk, Kidd especially. Your interest in him was beginning to branch beyond his aesthetic as more of his personality displayed itself during interactions with friends that he clearly cared a lot for. You couldn’t think of any other time in your life that you’d come across anyone who’d captivated you in this same way.

As the night passed into early morning, the once rowdy group having significantly dwindled in size, Hip encouraged everyone to head outside for some fresh air and a smoke break. Even more members of the group took that as their sign to leave and suddenly those left from your booth included only you, Hip, Mosh, Kidd, and Kidd’s best friend Killer who’d remained just about as silent as you had. In a turn of conversation that you hadn’t anticipated, Killer mentioned that he needed Hip and Mosh to accompany him inside as he had something he’d been meaning to show them.

All the past glances of admiration toward the red head sat heavy on your shoulders as you awkwardly stood alone with him, lingering somewhat uncomfortably as he polished off a cigarette. You felt the need to say something but your nerves were so flared that you just couldn’t come up with anything. He was not at all trying to shy away from the fact that he was eyeing you and resolved to cut through the building tension after a few painstakingly long moments.

“Hip seemed pretty damn proud of herself for draggin’ you here.”, he leant up against the building, leveraging himself to face you.

“She’s been asking me to come for a little while now, I’ve just been so busy…”, you trailed off, “I’m glad I got to come tonight, it was nice meeting all of you.”

He laughed at your statement and it almost seemed condescending. Any confidence that you were trying to build in his presence came tumbling down. He didn’t strike you as a person who would have conversations with someone for the hell of it and he had no obligation to stand with you, but something about the whole interaction was stiff and uncomfortable. In that moment, it felt like you shouldn’t be there, like you were annoying him and intruding in his space.

“I don’t think anyone has ever said that meeting me has been nice, let alone that they were glad.”, he laughed some more and glanced away from your face, “Look, I’m just gonna to say it, I saw how you were lookin’ at me in there and I’m down if you are. We can either go to my place or yours, whatever makes you comfortable.”

To describe the emotions you were feeling as floored was an understatement. You had a sinking suspicion as to what his words insinuated and when he looked back at you in waiting, your thoughts were confirmed. It wasn’t like that, in fact you hadn’t even considered that as a possibility. Of course he was undeniably attractive, but you’d built a genuine interest in who he was as a person.

You felt bad to not at least say goodbye to Hip, but that could be rectified later. You were so embarrassed and torn between being flattered or offended. Had you really made it seem like you only wanted to sleep with him? The whole situation was incredibly suffocating, you desperately needed an escape. You noticed his expression falter as you pulled out your keys, your change in body language immediately indicating your answer.

“I wasn’t trying to...”, you couldn’t finish your sentence, let alone meet his eyes, “I’m sorry, I’m just gonna head home.”

The feeling of shame and embarrassment rose exponentially as you settled in your car and made the drive home. This was obviously a mistake and each time you had declined Hip’s invitation prior was a hidden grace. A part of you wanted to talk with Hip about the situation to get some clarity, but your feelings felt so baseless. Was this even something worth talking about?

However, as fate would have it, your choice in the matter would soon be taken from you as your cellphone rang with an unknown number flashing across the screen.

Part Two

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A/N: Thank you for reading! All characters presented in the story have been caricatured to fit the desired plot devices. Some interactions and situations may read out of character, this is only to progress the story and does not reflect my view of their canon personalities.

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[sirgogington]

My Word Vomit Response on the Shelby Situation

Main Situation: Last week Wilbur Soot from Lovejoy was accused of having been abusive towards his ex girlfriend Shelby. Shelby is a live streamer and last week she did a livestream about the signs of knowing if you are in an abusive relationship. She never stated his name, but from details given people started assuming it was about Wilbur Soot. A few days later Wilbur confirmed that it was him in an apology tweet on his Twitter account. The abuse had to do with painful biting, and manipulation. 

    I want to start off by saying I do believe Shelby's story. I don't think Wilbur is innocent, but I do believe this situation isn't as black and white as people are claiming it to be. 

    Former fans after hearing the story started unfollowing Wilbur and Lovejoy and saying what a terrible man that Wilbur is, and vowing to never listen to or view any of his content ever again. He's not just a terrible man, he has to be evil too. I may be optimistic but I do think most people can change for the better if they truly want to. There are exceptions, but I truly believe that Wilbur can. The internet wants to just label him as evil and not give him any room to do that. The new thing is "guilty until proven innocent" and that's super harmful as I will go into in a different post. The way people are spreading hate in a us/them mentality is not a mature way of viewing/handling this situation and does more harm than good. Especially when it comes to death threats and doxing which have been received by both sides.

   Wilbur is someone who had a hard upbringing, and has brought up at different times his struggles with mental health. On screen or on stage you would never know this about him, because he has this mask of being confident, well spoken, and joyful. Through these details Wilbur has shared we know that touring took a lot out of him mentally and put him in a bad place, but that he was seeking therapy and is probably currently still seeing a therapist to try and get better. He's shared in the past that when he first blew up on the internet he used alcohol to cope because of how overwhelming it was that so many people were consuming his content. From Shelby's stream we also learned that his living space was dirty and unhygienic and that he would make excuses for it. The details for me paint the picture of a guy struggling badly with mental illness and having a hard time caring for himself and his home. Someone who can hardly take care of themselves should not have been in a relationship. This puts a lot on the other person.  It's different if he were stable and then then his mental health crashed in the middle of a longer relationship, but not if your too mentally ill to begin with. I do deeply feel sorry that Shelby had to experience that, as it truly shouldn't have happened. 

   I went to school for psychology and know quite a bit about different types of mental illnesses. I am by no means diagnosing Wilbur, but I do think he shows signs of someone with Boderline Personality Disorder. Borderline Personality Disorder is an emotional disregulation disorder characterized by unstable mood, behavior, and relationships. People with BPD self sabotage and will frequently end up pushing people away because they don't think they're good enough for them. (In this case maybe he wanted to act so bad so she would leave him, which is very unhealthy). People with BPD also go through depressive episodes and can act impulsively. Without therapy it is extremely hard to cope with this condition but with therapy you can make great strides in changing. I think like most mental illnesses you are aware of the fact you don't like the way you're acting you just have a hard time controlling it. For instance for me growing up with anxiety I knew most of my fears were completely irrational but that didn't stop them from overtaking my life and still feeling anxious. Wilbur has written some really deep lyrics on his new solo album Mammalian Sighing Reflex and I feel like it reflects that he doesn't like the way he is and feels guilty about those he's harmed through it. Maybe I'm giving this man too much credit, but like I said I do believe most people are capable of changing for the better. 

   Shelby stated she did the livestream as a way to help protect other victims of domestic violence and Wilbur Soot himself. He might still be dangerous to the public, it's really hard to know. I know after my own situation with being manipulated I was worried about the guy going after other younger women like he had with me. I didn't want anyone else have to be in that situation so I understand where Shelby is coming from. I also know that if the guy in my life had ever posted an apology, no matter how good it was, that I still wouldn't believe him and have a hard time forgiving him. Bold take but I think his apology was at least decent. Could it have been better, yeah, but could it have been a lot worse, also yes. In his apology he admits to being the person Shelby was talking about. He states that her feelings are valid, and that he wants people to hold him to higher accountability, and that he was sorry for any hurt he caused. Maybe he isnt, but it's hard to know. Wilbur stated in a livestream from last October 2023 that he was going to therapy the next day, because of this we can assume that Wilbur has been going to therapy at minimum since October. In that same livestream he states that he showers once a day when he's in his "big sad", and that he has rented places all over Brighton. He is at least hygienic in this regard, maybe moreso than he was before. It could be a red flag that Wilbur has lived all over Brighton due to possible evictions whether that be negligence or noise complaints from doing livestreams.

   We'll never know how other content creators truly feel about him except for the ones that made it obvious. Of course most content creators are going to jump on the bandwagon and agree that he's an evil man. If they don't then they'll lose their platform because of all the hate they'd get. I do believe some content creators will still hang out with Wilbur secretly or still even remain his friend. But we'll never know. 

   For the people who are posting different video evidences of Wilbur supposedly showing signs of being abusive in the past this is what is called confirmation bias. If you believe someone is abusive suddenly you can find details in the littlest things to confirm your thought process. A lot of the clips I've been seeing have been of normal everyday behavior or confirmed bits. I've seen people say that Wilbur must have bit down really hard to leave bruises. In some cases people bruise more easily than others. I know I have random bruises on my body from nothing. We can tell that what Wilbur did however was pretty painful due to have to use a safe word. Getting bitten usually hurts. I've been bitten by a 5 year old at work and can't imagine how it would feel to be bitten by a grown man who intentionally bit down hard.

This could be confirmation bias as well, but when looking at the lyrics in Mammalian Sighing Reflex and at the album art it seems to tell the story of a man (Wilbur) who really messed up in a relationship and is feeling the pain from that, and has a lot of regret due to knowing he was the cause of her pain. He poured so much of himself into the album it's like he's bleeding out in front of the audience with the amount of vulnerability.

Analyzing lyrics because why not, using lyrics from "Mammalian Sighing Reflex"

"I get so drunk I can barely see." If this album is related to his relationship with Shelby, which I think it probably is, then maybe he tried to cope with the relationship failing by using alcohol, or sabotaged the relationship through drinking.

"A lot of friends have left my life, escaping my tractor beam of woe" Having a mental illness can make it hard to maintain friendships. This could be because it makes you so self-focused on your problems, or that people get tired of hearing about your problems. If you constantly talk about how sad you are, some people are going to have a hard time dealing with that, or get burnt out from having to keep on cheering you up.

"Fuck my life, you cared when I was sick, no one ever gave a shit.....you fought this war one-sided and asked me what am I doing this for." These lyrics seem to speak about how in a past relationship (probably meaning with Shelby), that she cared that he was mentally ill/in a low point and wanted to help him get better. The fight to help him get better was one-sided due to Wilbur not helping to get himself better. If he would have helped her then they "could of stitched my mind together."

"Never been the one for romance, never thought that I'd get married. Never been the kind to give a shared life a second glance, selfish prose." In Shelby's livestream she talked about how her and Wilbur talked about the possibility of getting married and having kids until he backtracked and said that he wasn't that way and changed his mind.

The song "I Don't Think It Will Ever End" is how his mind seems to work in cycles. He'll be sad, because he feels sad he hides away for a bit, but then he feels silly for hiding himself so he forces himself to interact with people. But then when forcing himself to interact again he feels sad, which he says is not a good feeling when you're supposedly in a good phase. He says as self-sabotage he gets silly. Wilbur is known for telling a lot of jokes, and maybe this is a way he masks his true feelings. Also for Mammalian Sighing Reflex it says the songs were written by William Gold (his legal name) and performed by Wilbur Soot (his stage name). Wilbur is who the internet/fans see him as and William Gold is who he really is. Meaning the way we see him online is the extroverted, charismatic, likeable guy we know him as whereas William Gold is introverted, self-sabotaging, nerdy, and a deep thinker.

     The internet gives us way too much information. We're constantly bombarded with more and more information. Before the internet and even in the earlier internet days you did not have this. People were not being as closely viewed and known as they are now. You have to be careful about every little thing you say, because God forbid you say the wrong thing and get canceled. It didn't used to be this way. The only reason you'd ever know anything bad about a celebrity is if they were in the news. I think most of the media we consume whether TV shows, movies, etc. have the potential to have us supporting "bad people". It would be overwhelming to look up every single person we had ever consumed media from and sift through what are lies and what are not about each actor, singer, etc. I get that people don't want to give a platform to people doing bad things, but it's almost impossible to know and to remove every single bad person from the content you consume.  Being a celebrity in general is hard. It's easy to become addicted to drugs, and experience toxicity especially celebrities that live in Los Angeles. Most become people they regret, but some change for the better too. I'm not saying people who do serious crimes should get out of jail because they can become better people. People in jail should remain in jail for serious crimes. Time will tell what becomes of him. If more about him is released or if he's able to actually make strides in his health like he said he would. We will wait and see. I really hope he can heal and get better. Even the most unlikely ones can change their lives. You can both support Shubble and hope that Wilbur gets better.

[blooming-violets]

My headcanon for frat peter is that he joined one after gwen dies to distract himself and as a bandaid fucks everything that movies and gains a reputation oc / reader is his best friend very similar to dancing on my own ik but anyway she tries supporting him but peter is really unhealthy and she leaves for a while how do you think peter would feel about the hole she leaves behind cause she used to basically do all his emotional heavy lifting on hard days

He acts like he's fine. He's learned not to show his emotions especially around the guys. They were never big fans of her, anyway. It takes him about two weeks to finally notice that she's gone. It happens the day he's set to touch up his blonde roots. Usually he heads on over to her dorm, sneaking into the women's bathroom, while she does his hair for him. During those times are when he typically feels more free to speak his mind. They shared a lot of heart to hearts over those moments of the two of them, giggling alone in the bathroom, while he enjoys the feeling of her fussing over his hair. He feels the weight of the world leaving his shoulders for a short time whenever she's around.

This time, though, she doesn't come when he calls.

All his texts go unanswered. At first, he's worried she's hurt. He immediately thinks the worst. It's in his nature to assume that the people he loves will end up dead. Taken too early. It's not until he sees her walking around campus he's able to feel a sense of relief.

He jogs up to her, big, cocky grin on his face, and falls in step next to her. He expects her to open up like usual. Expects her to play along with his teasing. When he only receives a cold shoulder and the silent treatment, he reacts with anger.

Peter's been so angry lately. He's been struggling to feel many emotions but anger is one that always seems to make it through his closed off walls. They say that anger is a massive part of the grieving process but it's one he hasn't been able to shake.

They get into a huge, blow out fight in middle of campus over how he treats her now vs before and how he let's his friends treat her like shit. She's sick of his behavior and only using her whenever he needs something. It's never the other way around. Peter no longer shows up for her like she does for him. She can't take their one sided friendship anymore. This isn't the Peter she grew up loving.

It draws a crowd. People are watching them like they're today's entertainment. It ends with her crying, running back to her dorm, and Peter cursing out the crowds and stalking back to his frat house.

He mourns her loss in his life like he mourned for Gwen.

Denial.

It was her fault. She was being stupid. He had done nothing wrong. So what if his frat brothers teased her from to time. It was her fault she couldn't take a joke. He turned a blind eye to their behavior. He let them get inside his head. He didn't need her. He had lines of women waiting to throw themselves at his feet. What was the loss of one, stupid, annoying girl he knew as a kid? According to his brothers, she refused to put out, anyway. It was no loss to him. He didn't need her.

He buried his hurt by sleeping around more often than usual. A new woman every night. Sometimes two in the same day. He even slept with her best girl friend just to extra piss her off and get back at her.

He wanted her to hurt as much as him.

Anger

He was already the king of anger. He felt its power invade his every pore. It lived deep in his bones and consumed his every waking thought. He was getting into multiple fist fights every week. Not even as Spider-Man, just as Peter Parker.

He fought his frat brothers, he fought guys at the bar, he fought dudes on the street, he even fought his own reflection in the mirror. That one left him covered in blood and surrounded by shattered glass. He needed stitches to close up the wound. He couldn't stand the sight of his own face. He despised the man who stared back at him.

He didn't know this person. He didn't know Peter anymore.

Maybe she was right. Maybe had lost himself.

Bargaining

If he could just see her again...

If he could just see her one time. Hear her voice. That's all he wanted. He could watch her anytime he felt like it. He could overhear her talking to friends whenever he spied on her. He was Spider-Man. He was the master of stealth and shadows. But that wasn't enough. He wanted her voice to be directed at him. He didn't care what she said to him as long as she was talking. All he wanted was a fraction of her attention.

He would trade it all to get her back in his life. Just one conversation. That's he wanted. One, little talk just like old times.

She refused.

He couldn't blame her. He was a destroyer of lives. Anyone he touched crumbled around him. Whether they were killed in a plane crash, shot in the street, fell from a building, or were shoved away...they all left him in the end.

It was his fault. It was always his fault.

Depression

When he lost everything, he used to turn to sex. Now the thought of touching a woman who wasn't her only made him sick to his stomach. Alcohol was too risky. It fucked too much with his emotions. Made him reckless.

Pot was the cure.

It calmed him. Made him forget for a while. Allowed him to just relax and zone out.

He stopped going to his classes. Stopping talking to his brothers. Stopped answering his texts. It was just him, a strong joint, and the quiet of cave of his bedroom. In here, he could wallow in peace.

Peter Parker was not someone who could be trusted in the real world. He deserved to be locked up like an animal. No one needed him. He was better off alone.

This was where he would stay. In the dark. Where he belonged.

Acceptance

The state of his hair told him how much time had passed. It was back to brown. Greasy and unkempt. Shaggier than he typically liked it but he didn't care enough to get it fixed. The only person he ever wanted to touch his hair again was her.

And she deserved an apology.

He had been reading about grief online. There were five stages, so the internet says. There is no specific time period for each and they can jump between the stages whenever they feel like. He liked to hang out in the anger stage more often than the others. It was where he felt most at home. At least he understood anger. Anger made sense to him. Smoking helped quell the raging beast. That was a vice he didn't want to give up. Not yet. He wasn't ready for that step.

The world was an angry place and he fit right in.

But he was learning where to put that anger. It didn't belong on her. That was misguided. She had done nothing wrong. All she had ever done was love him. Anger was okay as long as it was placed in the right direction. He knew that now. Spider-Man could use anger to his advantage. Bad guys deserved anger. His frat brothers deserved his wrath for how they treated others. He, himself, deserved the anger. But not her.

And he needed to make amends. Even if she didn't fully forgive him, he needed to try, because she deserved to hear it, and he deserved to say it.

All it took was one text. After months of no contact. One text and she replied.

Coffee. 9am. Just the two of them.

One, little talk...just like old times.

I LOVED THIS!

It is very Dancing On My Own coded. I think what some people don't fully grasp in that story is that Peter was severely grieving through the later half of it. Gwen died because he couldn't catch her in time. He lost the love of his life because he wasn't good enough at the ONE thing he was supposed to be good at. He fully blames himself for her death. Do people not realize how seriously fucked that would make someone?? I think that's why I like to write dark!Peter so much. Because TASM Peter would be dark after that. He would not be normal. He would not be able to go back to being friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. It would ruin him. We saw that in NWH. It's still eating him alive like a decade later. The college days of Dancing On My Own took place a year after Gwen's death. The boy is fucked up.

Grief makes you do stupid things. Anger and reckless behavior is part of grief. Obvious that doesn't mean that it's okay but to completely write someone off as a monster undeserving of love just because they're hurting doesn't sit right with me. Not that you did that, I'm just going off the comments and complaints I've gotten on the fic that always low key piss me off.

And maybe I'm just not the greatest writer so that didn't come off as well as I wanted it to in DOMO but I tried my best haha. Maybe I shouldn't have ended it where I did and allowed them to grow a bit more after but I really thought that kind of stuff would just be assumed by the reader because it made sense in my head that that's how grief and healing and forgiveness go. But no one lives in my head but me so that's my fault for not executing my intentions properly!

I lovelovelove exploring grief and the different places it can take a person. Grief/depression/anger/angst are my favorite topics. Always have been since I was young. Like how Peter in this story feels most comfortable hanging out in his anger, I feel most happy in my angst and darkness. Sad people sometimes do bad things. Hurting people sometimes hurt other people. Even people they love very much. Does that make them completely incapable of change? Does that make them forever unlovable or not worthy of forgiveness? Sometimes people think too much in black and white and forget that the world is full of all sorts of grays.

Not that this was even about DOMO and I'm completely going on a tangent I know I'm so sorry haha but it's close enough to domo because it's dealing with Peter's grief and hurting of a close friend.

Here's some of my favorite pages from my favorite children's book (Michael Rosen's Sad Book) that talks about grief and the loss of someone you loved very much that's meant to teach children how to better understand their sadness and hurt and that even if you do bad things sometimes it doesn't mean that you are a bad person who doesn't deserve love and forgiveness:

ANYWAY

I just wanted to say that I love this and I love when people come to me with headcanons. That's what fandoms are supposed to be about. We're all supposed to be pestering each other 24/7 with our ideas and creating stories together and collaborating and building shit that we all love. Always send me your ideas. No matter how unhinged you might think they are bc I'm sure I've got equally as crazy ideas to play along with you!

[rainboneish]

i see some people on tiktok and twitter acting like gojo not getting memorialized is the only logical conclusion to his arc to either

1) symbolize how no one really understood him and/or could reach him or

2) he shouldn’t be an exception and no other sorcerer got a funeral/memorial either, that’s just how sorcerer society is

and while i firmly believe there is no objectively correct way to end a story, the attitude some of those fans are showing trying to act like everyone who wanted something different is less media literate than they are is annoying me so time to bring up reasonable counters to those arguments:

on 1): complete understanding isn’t a prerequisite for affection and/or grief. Multiple characters (Yuji, Yuta and Shoko at the very least) are shown to have some amount of care for him and them wanting to lay his body to rest, or at least offhandedly mentioning that it was done does not contradict their lack of complete understanding of him in any way. Yuji himself says that he will never forget Gojo (Yuji is also arguably the only character really given closure about Gojo’s death in the story through that flashback (with the exception of Satoru Gojo (hehe see what i did there) and the other deceased characters in 236)

In fact, one could argue that them not fully understanding that Gojo wanted everyone to move on from him and “forget” him would have been reinforced by them grieving him

(I don’t personally think that them processing his loss in a healthy way (read, all the studies about how funerary rites are important to a healthy grieving process) would be contradictory to his wish but since people want to argue that that’s why it was done i think it’s fair to bring up the counter)

on 2) this could easily be solved by having the characters honor all of the recently deceased. (Nanami, Yuki, Choso (what better way to mark him accepting his human side like Yuki told him to)) People keep bringing up how none of the sorcerers got a funeral (as well as Todo’s speech in Shibuya about how they live in through their comrades) and while that is correct (in fact, Todo’s speech represents the whole reason why the last couple chapters are named after Gojo’s dream of a reformed jujutsu society, a dream that his students are now carrying out for him, one of the main issues with traditional jujutsu society (and consequently one of the reasons that lead do Geto’s defection and the formation of Gojo’s dream) is the fact that sorcerer lives are treated as expendable, the fact that sorcerers aren’t given the time and support they need to process the trauma they are put through on their missions.

Part of letting the kids experience their youth is also giving them healthy coping mechanisms and while i am not someone who believes that every character needs a “therapy” ending (hence why i’ve been yelling about not wanting Gojo (who is satisfied with his own death and afterlife) to come back to life to un-learn all of his unhealthy coping mechanisms and his (partially self imposed) isolation as the strongest) i do think getting time to acknowledge and process their losses is part of that.

(Looking at Megumi especially, he might have kept distance between himself and Gojo, and fanon portrayal of their relationship often makes it deeper than it is in canon, but Gojo was still the most consistent adult mentor figure he had in his life, and he experienced Sukuna killing him with his body, a letter isn’t gonna cut it i’m afraid… Megumi’s character arc in general is one people are criticizing and i do to some degree agree that while him freeing himself from Tsumiki specifically being his sole motivation is something, him immediately finding new people (Yuji and Hana, the latter for guilt reasons) to base his reason for living on is a bit… but that’s part of characters not needing to have a perfect therapy ending i guess…

people like to bring up that Nanami, who has been dead for a while now, was also never shown getting a funeral but characters were shown processing his death once the fight was over, both through the conversation between Gojo, Shoko and Ijichi and through Ino requesting and using his weapon in the fight against Sukuna. Yaga’s death was also discussed between Gojo and Gakuganji (changing his conservative outlook) as well as as a motivator for Kusakabe

While Yuji was definitely shown processing Gojo’s death (in chapter 265 and 271) the characters i personally would have liked to see processing/commenting on Gojo’s death the most are Yuta and Shoko,

Yuta for “i will share the mantle of becoming a Monster to take some of the load of Gojo-sensei” reasons (all this talk about how concerned everyone was about what it would mean for his humanity to have to take over Gojo’s body and then we don’t get a single panel about how he actually felt about it after the fact)

and Shoko because we get all these glimpses of her caring about him in her own way (most notably the “i was there too, wasn’t i” moment as well as her stress smoking during his fight against Sukuna, and in a way still being his closest and oldest confidant, even if they never connected the way he did with geto (hence why he felt comfortable leaving the letters for Nobara and Megumi to her, as well as being the reason why he was a little miffed at her lack of reaction to the body-switching plan). Shoko isn’t an emotional character, she is very desensitized to the death and injury of people around her, but the scene by Tsumiki’s grave and her comment about Geto’s body confirms that she (to some degree) considers it an honor and a privilege to be able to give them post-mortem care. I never wanted a scene of her crying over his body or anything, but a scene of her standing by his grave (which could have been inserted between the Tsumiki grave scene and the panel of her throwing away her cigarettes) would have done enough for me.

People like to make fun of everyone asking for a funeral by saying “sorry y’all didn’t get a ten page funeral with everyone crying about Gojo”, but personally i would have been happy with a single panel showing his grave/ossuary with an epitaph (possibly the same for Geto so we finally get confirmation that Gojo’s (and the Hasaba twins’) wish of having his body put to rest was fulfilled, especially after those panels in 270 sowed more doubts), maybe a couple extra panels of the characters i mentioned earlier

also not to be extra brain rotten stsg but Gojo being put to rest in a way where he is with suguru (Shoko being the person most likely to make those arrangements for both of them and also being the person who knew how much they meant to eachother the best) or him being memorialized together with everyone else who fell in those past couple months would symbolize that while he might have been lonely in life, he is not lonely in death (just like he wasn’t lonely anymore in the airport scene in 236)

what i haven’t seen people bring up much is that sorcerers as a whole are said not to be religious. Despite the heavy buddhist themes in the story, sorcerer society as a whole is described as secular, something pointed out by the chairman of the star religious group. On the world building front i think it would have been interesting to know how they process their dead, past the general vague description of “shoko handling bodies” and “having to make sure the body can’t be misused/the sorcerer won’t turn into a curse after death”. Maybe that’s my little goth heart but i really would have liked to know, we see people end up in the morgue but no one really knows what happens after that. Maybe everyone (whose body can be recovered) is cremated and disposed of in some unknown location (Greek cemeteries have “bone digesters”, big pits where bones are put if the family doesn’t rent an ossuary/claim the remains after the lease on the grave plot is up, maybe it’s something like that), maybe there are ossuaries like the one pictured in the Shibuya OP (it’s still unclear to me how much input Gege had in those), maybe the cremated remains are given back to the family on a case by case basis (especially for people from non-sorcerer families who might have religious beliefs). Either way, it’s something i think would have been interesting to know, plus lack of big funerary rites doesn’t really mean the characters can’t think of/mention their deceased comrades.

now i’m not saying everyone who has a different opinion on this is wrong, again, that’s not the approach i like to bring to media analysis/commentary, in fact this whole rant is prompted by my distaste for people doing that, but that is what i personally would have liked to see to call this a 10/10 ending for ME