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[littler3d]

“It’s either work tracks or ancient otherworldly symbols” Alice if you don’t stop saying foreshadowing shit I’m gonna start thinking you’re evil

[utdrmv-confession-box]

Transcript: Undertale headcanon (theory?)

Ok so yknow how everyone kinda decided that the red soul is the determination trait? (At least i dont think its ever been confirmed) I disagree with that idea. It doesn’t make sense when you actually take time to think on it. Now, hear me out on this please.

All humans have determination that can be extracted, as we know from Alphys, and we know from Asgore that all humans can save, load, and reset. Depending on when Flowey showed up they could have had more dt then Flowey, which would’ve basically just been the same as Frisk. (Though I like to think Flowey showed up after the last human fell, which wouldn’t really help prove my point, but i don’t think its known whether this is how it happened) ((I may just not know tho, so feel free to correct me))

My point in saying this is to show why a determination soul trait doesn’t work. So instead, I propose the theory that the red soul shows the Player’s control. In Deltarune, Kris also has a red soul. They aren't really determined to do anything that happens in deltarune (except eat moss), and they are very much controlled by the Player. However, Kris is only under the Player’s control when the soul is with them. And the one time we control someone else (Susie in ch1) the soul travels to that character.

So who’s to say that it isn’t the same in Undertale? And then, take it a step further, who’s to say that a soul being being red is the determination trait?

The red soul isn't a trait at all, it's a symbol of the Player's control over Frisk/Kris/Chara. Add onto that the fact we already have a perseverance soul trait, which is very similar, and it seems like having determination as a trait is just... not right.

Perserverance is basically just pushing though hard things, and determination is simply giving perseverance a reason. It's less of a trait and more of a mindset. (At least imo)

Tl;Dr red soul isn’t determination trait its a sumbol of the player’s control over the humans

Thanks for reading I don’t know if I explained this well but hopefully I got the point across have a nice day :)

[braisedhoney]

[SCENARIO CONTINUED FROM HERE.]

You select the second oldest of the available files. An observation log ��� COLONY keeps these, or so you assume. He never leaves commentary or notes to organize them. He probably just memorizes them instead. The terminal beeps beneath your fingertips, every click practically a gunshot in the quiet room. Thanks to your pass you are technically permitted to be here by the system — but you know better. There are security measures here that were not to be violated. If you are discovered, if THIS is discovered, you would likely be in trouble. The screen loads. Text fills the margins. After a moment, you realize that it is not just a file; it’s a transcript and an audio sample. There’s also a small attachment of some kind, likely an image. You play the audio.

[LOADING. . . (A short period of complete silence. Then, rustling as footsteps approach, and the familiar whir of a door. A familiar voice fades in with them.) “… I told you, it isn’t going to work.” “So you’ve said, Captain.” (The door whirs again. Locks.) “Please don’t call me that. Everyone keeps calling me that. Really I mean, I don’t even know what to do with…” (The sound of movement. Footsteps, slightly heavier but more measured than the first. The sound of something opening with a mechanical hiss — a containment unit?) (A quiet sigh. It’s barely audible.) “That… isn’t what I think. Right? Another one?” (A chuckle.) “Don’t sound so unenthusiastic. It’s terrible for morale.” “Le—“ “Just put them on, won’t you? It can’t hurt. One more trial.” “… Fine! Fine.” (The footsteps draw closer.) “Good. Now grab my hand.” (A clang, like somebody knocked into something.) “No.” “Trust me.” (Rapidly receding footsteps joined by another set.) “No!”(A loud bang, like a fist slamming against metal. The footsteps stop.) “No.” “It’ll be fine.” “You don’t know that.” “I’m right.” “This isn’t the answer. It isn’t going to — it’ll never be the answer, Leander, and I don’t even know what it — you know you can’t, right? Can’t come back? Doing this won’t let you see her agai——!“ “Captain.” (Silence.) “… shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” “Prove it.” ”Leander, please.” “Grab my hand. This will work.” “…” “I swear.” (The seconds tick by. Then.) “You...” (Another chuckle. Warmer in tone.) “Didn’t I say I would do it? Didn’t I promise?” (Laughter. Loud, nearly hysterical laughter interrupts him. It’s boisterous, disruptive.) “You did! You did, you… you magnificent bastard, you really found a way to———“] The audio ends. You stare at the screen. No matter how long you look at it, the text does not continue, the audio file does not extend. All that remains is a single attachment. Frustration makes your jaw tense, but you don’t have time to waste being angry. You’re running out the clock as it is. You click it. [LOADING. . .]

And then the screen goes dark. No. Not just the screen — the whole room blacks out. Every terminal flickers off, every bulb extinguishes. For a moment, there is total, unfamiliar silence. Even the faint electric buzzing that comes with electronics is gone. You are completely alone. You turn, grasping blindly at the records pass, the imprint of the screen still on your eyes. You stumble for the door, and to your surprise the pass blinks green, the only light left in the room. It opens and you shove your way through into the hall — Only to slam into a barrier. You look around. There is no hallway. Of all times for the paths to shift… The room you are in is tiny. The door behind you closes, and there is no scanner on your side, nor a handle. It is completely featureless. There is no way to open it. You call for COLONY. There is no answer. You call for the Captain. There is no answer. You call for help. You call for help. You call. You call. you. c a l l. . . . . . . . . . [YOU CANNOT BE TRUSTED.] [. . . ] [THE CAPTAIN WILL LOOK FOR YOU.] [. . .] [BUT THE CAPTAIN WILL NOT FIND YOU.] [ . . . ] [I AM SORRY.] [I AM SURE THAT MEANS LITTLE. BUT I AM.] [CURIOSITY IS NOT A TERRIBLE THING.] [BUT I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT HUMANS QUITE LIKED CATS.] [. . .] [A POOR JOKE.] [I CAN’T HELP BUT WONDER IF IT WAS WORTH IT.] [I DOUBT IT.] [BUT I DO HOPE.]

(Scenario End. Ending: “Status Quo”.)

[rebouks]

Previous | Next

Transcript:

Oscar: I dunno, he was probably with the IRS; seemed more interested in them than me. Noah: It’s still worr-.. stop biting your nails. Oscar: Make me.

Noah: [sighs] I know it’s stressful, but if you were in trouble, surely you’d know by now? Oscar: I dunno, they’re obviously looking into everyth-.. bah, I’m sick of talking about it. Noah: Is there any way you could find out if you’re in the clear?

Oscar: What did I just say? C’mon, change the subject! What’re you doing? Noah: Looking at mortgages. Oscar: Fun.

Noah: I’m sick of being out here in the middle of nowhere, I don’t know why I bought this house. I found a nice townhouse; there’s a smaller garden, it’s right by the gallery, round the corner from you guys -.. it’s perfect. Oscar: Well, don’t piss around, houses sell fast round there.

Noah: Uh.. I already put in an offer. Oscar: [gasps] Your house isn’t even on the market-.. you did something impulsive! Noah: I know…

Oscar: [laughs] Hah! Does Aspen know? Noah: Of course she knows. Oscar: Show me!

Noah: I know it’s smaller, but-… Oscar: [scoffs] No pool?! What the shit, Noah. Noah: It’s more hassle than it’s worth, and Juni will be wandering around before we know it.

Oscar: I’m yanking your chain, dingus… What’s your plan with this place though? Noah: [shrugs] Try n’ sell it fast? I can afford two mortgages for a while. Oscar: La-de-da.

Noah: I’ll figure out a plan later. Oscar: You’ve been abducted and replaced by a clone haven’t you? Noah: Aliens don’t exist.

Oscar: They definitely do. Noah: [tuts] Don’t put him on the counter. Courtney: Why not?

Oscar: [coos] Look who’s awake! Courtney: Alma said he’s special. Oscar: Ooh.

Noah: Don’t listen to Alma; I’ve grown fond of her, but she doesn’t half talk some nonsense. Courtney: C’mon, open your mind! Oscar: He doesn’t believe in aliens either.

Courtney: How can you not? There’s loads of-… Noah: There’s no evidence! It’s all a ridiculous conspiracy theory, I-… Oscar: Wait for it; this is the part where uncle Noah gets all ragey and launches into a very boring scientific tirade.

Noah: You know what? I’m not getting sucked into this debate with you two.. again. Courtney: [laughs] Boo! Oscar: [snickers] Don’t get him started on ghosts, Cookie.

[birdmanart]

Hello naughty children it’s OC time! This time, may I present Esmer de Sola, the protagonist of my Pokémon Violet playthrough!

He is a big transmasc dork who ends up befriending Grusha because I Have A Favorite Character and also bc I think it’s cute. He’s originally from Helles, my greece-based fanregion, and actually ends up becoming an ice/flying gym trainer there post-SV!

Transcriptions of the dialogue on images 4-9below the cut!

[Image 4 dialogue:

Grusha: You did pretty good on the slopes. (Thinking: Another gym contestant… well, better get this over with.)

Esmer (off-screen): Oh, thank! It was fun!!

Grusha (thinking): Wait.

Grusha: Did you do the run… dressed like that? Isn’t that the summer uniform?

Esmer: Yeah?

Grusha: … Wait there a moment, I’ll be back. There’s gotta be a coat or something upstairs, dios mio…]

[Image 5 dialogue:

Esmer: PFAH! Wow, I really was cold!

Grusha: You didn’t notice?

Esmer: I’m bad at temperatures. Uncle always had to make me put on stuff at the rink too.

Grusha: The rink?

Esmer: Yeah! My Uncle Cefi— well, technically he’s like a great-uncle or something— he’s a figure skater back in Helles! He taught me loads of stuff!

Grusha: Huh, figure skating… that’s neat. ]

[Image 6 dialogue:

Esmer: See! That’s me! From last year.

Grusha: …

Grusha: So the shorts are just a you thing, then?

Esmer: If you can find a pair of jeans flexible enough for that, go right ahead.]

[Image 7 dialogue:

Esmer: And then— then his eyes glowed just like the crystals, and his voice went all glitchy, and— and— I seriously thought Arven was gonna cry, it was awful.

Grusha: That sounds pretty freaky.

Esmer: It was!]

[Image 8 dialogue:

Grusha: There, I’m off the mountain, what now? Nice place.

Esmer (off-panel): … I promise this was not my intent, but I think now you need to take off your coat. And the gloves, holy shit.

Note in the corner reads: (it’s like 79-80 degrees [fahrenheit] at Esmer’s house)]

[Image 9 dialogue:

Grusha: Ah, what’s under is thermal…

Esmer: I told you I live South! Why would you wear those?

Grusha: I don’t really own much else…

Esmer: Just let me lend you something, jeez! I feel hot just looking at you!

(after a visible change of clothes)

Grusha: No shorts?

Esmer, conspicuously still wearing shorts himself: I do own other clothes, you know.]

[flaylore]

[TRANSCRIPT] DEBUT WATCHALONG

[Starts Stream]

🪫: Hi! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! I just woke up from a nap, actually. Which was pretty funny. But it was like one of those naps where you are halfway awake, then you won't really fall asleep but technically you did but it wasn’t long enough to be good.

Yes! Happy Anniversary! And let me test, I probably still can’t pin messages.

Hi.

What?! The f-… Well, who cares about that.

Also! Thank you everyone for all the gifted so far. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for your patience too. Today we can do the debut watchalong. I think everyone else is doing it today, except Hakka, right? But we all moved it so we can- the boy gets the time. We love him. Did you like his new outfit? Very sexy. Very him! He gets snake vibes ohoho, and the choker ohoho and the tattoo ohoho. Very cookie. Very cookie.

And I was gonna watch this on YouTube, like what do you call it, my debut, but I was like "wait, why I don't download it ahead of time, so it's already ready".

Also I will have to pro- let me, let me, I will have to sign in here, cuz otherwise it's gonna be slow. Maybe this is why I couldn't pin chat yesterday?

[Trying to sign in] "To keep your account secu-" Yes it's me!

🪫: Also you can hear the music, right?

Bam! Got it! Got it! Got it! Got it! Got it! Let me go take this… Yes it's me…

Oh my god, when did I get 134k? That’s so cute. Okay, pissed*. There we go! Thank you!

What?! Did Altare just raided? Thank you, Altare! I actually missed it because I was signed out. Let me test something.

Hi! …And it still wont let me pin my messages! That’s great! That’s great!

Okay, but, we have a collab later, so I hope you enjoy the lethal company, I think, is the VG anniversary collab, so that would be fun. Also thank you for the 10 gifted! Thank you, thank you everybody. This will be pretty chill, I don’t know what you’re usually supposed to do with debut watchalong… You just vibe, right? Different people react to it differently, so it’s pretty much that. It’s hard to believe it’s been a year, I guess. It feels really short and longer at the same time, but maybe that’s every year… Probably.

💬: Bettel just vibed to this.

🪫: Of course he would! He has craftsmanship! He has great craftsmanship. I was watching him watch it and he was like “Mmm, well, that's where I did this and that’s where I did that. That’s where I did this and that’s where I did that”.

🎇: Maybe give your thoughts about why you this certain parts and what you felt about things that happened?

🪫: Oh? Aren’t you so sweet Altare! [Reads comment] I feel nothing about my life.

Thank you!

Yeah, It’s pretty chill, something like that, as long as I’m not forced to act in a way I don't want to, but other like that is pretty, like, nice, yeah? Right? Yes! Bettel is very, very cool. But today you watch mine. I hope you enjoy it.

💬: Altare cringed.

🪫: That’s because that man was, y’know, pressuring it is, to held on the first generation of Holostars EN? Trust me, trust me, anyone else in his shoes would have caved far worse. I would have done far worse, I would have started hiccuping. [Hics]. The man knows how to cook and now he can cook at his full potential. So give bit lots of love to the leader, okay? Hehehe. Okay, I have it set it up. Here. Isn’t it cute? Zoom~.

[Starts Watchalong]

🪫: Also I’m seeing red, but I thought “this would be a problem”, that's why I downloaded this. Then let me take this, and then put this here. You can hear the main debut video, right? Wait, if it’s on the loading screen you won’t see the chat messages, but that's fine actually. You can kinda just… You can kinda just, what do you call it… Mmm… You can just look at the original and you’ll probably be fine.

Corner. It’s dead. It’s dead. For anyone that doesn’t know I made that entirely in OBS. Why? I don’t know why. That’s incredibly hard to make, actually. And the old BGM, I took it away cuz I wanted to use it with a loading screen I wanted to use but it’s like, it’s not ready yet. But whenever it is, then I’ll do that. Mhm, mhm.

Wait, how? I just used a variety of plugins. It’s difficult.

💬: Happy Anniversary, Flay.

🪫: Thank you!

💬: You had the best debut ever.

🪫: If there's one thing I really like is that I was very stubborn with doing a video, because I feel like not having that limits a lot of people’s creativity, so, like, think about if everyone got one. Good stuff. Good stuff. So after Vanguard release, I’m actually very happy to see that now they’re doing more videos again instead of just like… it gives you more stuff to work off of and allows you to show what you want to do instead of just like, het straight into talking, which is nice. I was very stubborn with that, and thankfully it’s here and it got completed very last minute, but that’s cuz I was really busy at the time, but thank you to Gomi, for making everything worse… Not worse, work. Work. Thank you Gomi! [Laughs] If you are listening I know you’ll fucking laugh. Thank you Gomi for making everything work. But anyways, what was the other thing?

Oh! Thank you to Ghost too for all the art. Ghost has a very unique style, some people say Trigger-eske. I think it's kinda Ghost-eske. It’s Ghost’s own style more than anything.

💬: Buffering.

🪫: That makes sense, everyone’s having ISP issues aren’t they. Oooh. Close. Do you want me to pause it then? For me is good on my end, so maybe it’s actually YouTube this time. Yeah might be regional, it’s completely fine for me.

[Pauses the video] Here. I’ll wait. Regional thing, huh? It’s buffering for some.

🎇: I made a deal with the devil for the perfect internet.

🪫: HAHAHAHA! Good, you deserve it, you deserve it. I think it just, yeah, it might be YouTube.

💬: You’re back now.

🪫: You sure? Nice. Okay, good. Good. We love to see it. Okay, ready? Refresh. I’ll count down from 10. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

[VG Teaser starts playing]

🪫: Oh, I forgot that hiccuped in the beginning. Oooh, Altare voice. His voice is very unique and yummy. I remember this. When we see this, like, a bit late, I think? It was a bit busy so some things we only got to see like, on the day out. I think we saw this a bit. I like the music a lot, around, probably, Shinri’s part.

[Bettel’s part starts playing, Flayon doesn’t really comment on that]

💬: ASMR

🪫: I think it goes beyond ASMR.

🎇: I had to hear that four freaking times.

[Flayon’s part of the teaser starts playing]

🪫: Hahahaha!

[Starts glitching at the moment the text “And accompanying him was our genius pilot” and Flayon’s model appears. After two seconds the glitches stop]

🪫: Really now? You didn’t just muted it? I respect the dedication, Mister Terbear.

[Xenokuni part starts playing]

🪫: Wait. See? I really like this part the most. The music is very hype. The lead out to Hakka’s part and then Shinri’s.

[Hakka part starts playing]

🪫: I think Shinri’s is where the music really pops. Ooh~. Banzoin Hakka. This art really fits him by the way. It’s cute. Yeah! Here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here it is!

[Shinri’s part starts playing]

🪫: I think it fits how cool he is. I’ll get pissed if someone just says he’s like a dad type only, I’m like “What?!”. That’s severely nerfing him.

🪫: I love you, Magni, Vesper.

🪫: … Axel would do that!

[Teaser ends]

🪫: HOLOSTARS English TEMPUS. What was I doing during this? Me? Wait.What was I doing?

[Debut Starts]

🪫: Hi me!

[The World Tree appears]

🪫: Oh, the World Tree!

[Starts Glitching]

🪫: I like the world tree.

[R-TRUS appears]

🪫: Rtwus! I got the last second idea.

[RTRUS starts talking, greeting everyone]

🪫: HAHAHAHA!

[Debut Flayon: “Welcome to my debut”]

🪫: Hey, Welcome.

[Panel Flayon appears]

🪫: I remember that.

[Debut Flayon: “I got you, suckers! Bleh!”]

🪫: BLEH! See? I’m not a nice person, so, when people are like “I bet he has a deep voice” I wanted to fuck around with you. I’m a prankster.

[Machina X Flayon Animated Video starts playing]

🪫: Past Flay… What do you mean past Flay?… Oh yeah. I think there’s still some people that don’t know I voiced this whole thing.

[Narrator: “An absolute genius who can pilot any vehicle in an instant”]

🪫: Hmm?

[Video Flayon: “Yo, the name is Machina X Flayon. Flay is a cute nickname though, right?”]

🪫: [At the same time] Machina X Flayon. Flay is a cute nickname though, right? Cute! … How long is this, five minutes?

[The Narrator explains that Flayon is the Genius Pilot of Tempus.]

… A genius? [Makes a pained expression] … Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Look how close it’s that it's so nice! … Yeah! Cute. Bye R-TRUS.

💬: It is very Studio Trigger coded

🪫: Indeed! I think it’s cuz Ghost’s art is extremely stylish. That one’s Gumi’s! Gumi added a lot too. This is very nice. Yes. HAHAHAHA!

💬: wow I guess some people really still don’t know.

🪫: Yeah, yeah. I don’t really expect people to know. You kind of have to spell things out to people, right? Mmh? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, If you pull on it, yeah, it’s like an erogenous zone, but you’re not gonna get anywhere near that. You have no game, so, aha! Ahahaha! Is on… This is Gumi’s part, right?

[Imitating Video Flayon Surfing Ahhhhh]

[Narrator: “Flayon’s true power is…”]

🪫: Yeah, I wonder. Gumi did a lot for this video too. Give Gumi all the credit, along with Ghost. It’s so good. If I tried to do this on my own it would have taken, like, forever. At least two weeks.

[Video Flayon: “What? Skin Care is important.”]

🪫: It IS important, and no one want for fucking sunscreen around here.

💬: Did you use ant effect to get the deeper voice?

🪫: [With a deeper voice] No, I can just get it deeper like this, see? Hello? [With a high voice] Or I can go higher! [In a normal voice] But recently it’s been hard to get higher, making muscle tension. Makes sense. Frustrating at first.

💬: You did that deep voice?

🪫: Yeah, I did the deep voice! … Oh no no nevermind I hired a guy at Fiverr.

[Video Flayon: “Such a shame!”]

🪫: Such a shame!

[Video Flayon keeps talking about how amazing he is]

🪫: … Do I talk about myself like that?

[Video Flayon: “And conveniently can’t remember anything either.”]

🪫: … Oh…

[Glitching while Video Flayon says “It’s like I’m the real deal”]

💬: Flayon worst enemy bees

🪫: I don’t- Bees are cute! I like bumblebees. I like wasps. I love wasps.

[Video Flayon: “The only thing that matters now it the fight]

🪫: Finally, actually! You know how pissed I am I can’t fight anyone?! The only thing I have to a real fight is fighting Ruze in Armored Core! That’s the closest thing!

[Video Flayon: Wait! Dont actually leave! Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!]

🪫: Goodbye silly boy.

[Both start singing Top of the World]

Oh my god! If you listen closely I have really sus lines in the background, but you have to listen. I think I had some guy saying “Flayon I want you to be on top of my world”. Get it?

[Video Flayon: Aaaah. You thought you could get away… could you? Well, it was a nice effort.]

🪫: … What’s this?

[Video Flayon: What? I did say I was coming for you.]

[Starts glitching while Debut Flayon says “Don’t worry”, then stops. “I’ll take good care of you”.]

🪫: … Hmm?

[Appears video Flayon in the café, reading a book.]

🪫: Oh my god! The café! How do you animate that? It’s so cute! That’s so cute! I love it.

[Video Flayon: No same in reading these self help books though, I guess]

🪫: Me! The only thing I can use. Why trust other people when I can take care of myself! Yeeees! Yes! Yes.

🪫: Wait, look at the credits. So cute. That's me. I think, maybe, yeah, you just have to pay attention to the credits then you’ll see, like, “Oh, he did it. He voiced it all”, but it’s probably not as obvious, but, eh.

💬: No way, that's you?

🪫: Yeah! Of course it’s me!

[Appears his panel with his insignia]

🪫: I remember this! It was supposed to be in the middle, though. I had a really whole setup thing for this. Cute!

[Sees the CSS]

🪫: No! I didn’t have any fancy CSS. So sadge.

[Debut Flayon appears]

🪫: Oh! Oh my god. Look at the old thing. Wait, wait, where is it?

[Appears Flayon in a screen panel, to compare with the Debut one]

🪫: Here! See, see? It’s the old one! I updated the interface, though.

[Move the interface right next to the Debut one.]

🪫: Oooh! I’m so cute!

[Continues playing with the interface while Debut Flayon is still talking]

🪫: This is cute! It’s a bit cleaner now.

[Debut Flayon: It’s a bit spherical but, oh, keep in mind there’s nothing physical in here.]

Aha.

💬: Your voice was higher back then.

🪫: Hmm? Higher? I think they wanted me to keep my voice higher. I can’t remember.

[The Hollow Tree appears]

🪫: Ooh! Look at the tree! I’ll move this out of here [moves the interface] Look at the tree! It’s Xenokuni!

💬: What’s up with the cutesy voice?

🪫: What the fuck do you mean? I’m cute.

[Debut Flayon leaves the interface projection. “Hi!”.]

🪫: Hello!

[Debut Flayon: Perfect!]

🪫: Perfect!

💬: Baby!

🪫: Yeah, I’m 32.

💬: [About Debut Flayon] Cute!

🪫: You don’t think I’m cute anymore? Hm!

[Debut Flayon: Uuh, that chat’s going fast.]

🪫: It is going fast. I always keep the viewers off and everything and, what do you call it? It’s too distracting if you have too much stimuli on for me.

💬: Who’s this new vtuber?

🪫: Uuuh, you tell me.

💬: You are always cute!

🪫: Make up your mind! Am I cuter back then or cuter now? Whatever. Typical human greed.

💬: Were you nervous?

🪫: Uhh… Mmm… My nervousness has more to do with me as a person, I think, and not really like the actual debut itself, right? I was a bit nervous ahead of time but that was ‘cuz I was going through a lot at the time… Still am. But! Altare messaged me like, 5 minutes before the debut, which was surprising, ‘cuz no one ever does that! For me at least, actually. People usually don’t check on me, so that was very sweet. I have people now that will check on me, but I was not used to that. But he didnt do, like, any babying stuff, he was just like “Nah, you got this”. And that was nice.

[Appear a message from R-TRUS in debut saying “Welcome, Machina X Flayon”]

🪫: Look! R-TRUS buggy. Silly boy. Ohh… What time was it when I did this? I think it was late in some times of the world but in Xenokuni, y’know, timezone, so, it’s bright here-

[Debut Flayon: Some of you guys have been bullying forever, Bettel in particular has been bullying me forever!]

🪫: I love Bettel! I love Bettelgoose! I love Bettelgoose!

💬: Glad you have a support system.

🪫: Mmm… [Glitching for a second] Yeah.

💬: #1 Bettelion

🪫: I don’t know, I just like the dude!

[Debut Flayon is showing his Guild card]

🪫: I love these! I love the pixels! I think everyone should. Then ARMIS had, like, they hid like painted portraits, right? Yeah. Yeah.

[Debut Flayon speaking about how the X pronunciation got spoiled and how he has been using the same stuff in games.]

🪫: Aha. Oh poor thing. My brain just dropped it, huh. I mean I need to warm up to get back there, huh.

💬: Bouncy.

🪫: Oh! Maybe too bouncy.

[Debut Flayon starts calling out Magni]

🪫: I love Magni! I like him a lot. I miss Magni. Wait, maybe I should put this lower? [Lowers volume] I miss Magni a lot. He was always looking after me. He does that in general, actually.

[Magni appears in the debut chat, debut Flayon starts thanking Magni and saying him that he loves him]

🪫: Yeah, see? There, there, he is there, there’s the real thing. I love you. He is very sweet. I love the Maglord. I love him. And if anyone says anything bad against him I will fucking kill you! Okay? Yay!

💬: Happy Anniversary!

🪫: Thank you!

[Debut Flayon is talking about how they recruited Hakka with the Tranquilizer Dart and how Shinri helped them.]

🪫: Yes. I imagine- Wait, where did he get shot? Did he get shot on his ass Hakka? It’s like a cartoon. It’s like a cartoon.

💬: (Magni) is magging off somewhere.

🪫: Don’t worry, he is taking care of himself!

[Debut Flayon, about his missing age: You’re noticing something’s missing here, right?]

🪫: Yeah? Mm… Oh wait, now I remember! Now I remember.

[Debut Flayon: “Ready?” probably messing with something]

🪫: Wait, what was that? I don't remember what I messed up on. Did I mess up on anything?

[Debut Flayon shows he is 18,432 years old.]

🪫: Huh. Ohohoho… Huh?

[Glitches the moment Debut Flayon says: “Or should I say, eternally 18?”]

🪫: Oh.

[Glitched ends]

💬: Old.

🪫: Old man? I don’t- Still people can’t make up their mind with it, can they? It’s either “Oh my god! This guy! How he talks, he is totally a kid!” or one person is gonna be like “No, this guy is old, you see his likes?”. I think that one is more… It makes sense, actually. I’m definitely old, thank you. I guess it’s like, when you express your emotions, it’s associated like that. It's like the top or bottom thing. If you are cool and collected, top! If you are emotionally expressive or you get embarrassed, b-b-bottom! Bottom! … Wait, what did I just say? … I can’t cringe at any of this. This is cute, It’s kinda heartwarming.

[Debut Flayon: June 5th!]

🪫: June 5th! Gemini. Typical Gemini bitch! It pains my nails. Fuck you!

💬: You are a bottom.

🪫: Stop projecting your desires on me. I know I’m desirable. I know I’m sexy. Ew.

[Debut Flayon starts talking about how he wanted to be friends with people so he put their names on a compatibility checker and the results it shows.]

🪫: Wait, I remember that! It still does that, by the way! You put any name in the compatibility checker and it’s like: “trash”. Mmm… Whose name did I try last time? … Actually, maybe it was Bettel. But that’s just ‘cuz he was really cool. So I was like “Ooh!”

💬: You still do that?

🪫: Of course I do! That’s nice. I still do personality quizzes.

💬: You are so expressive here.

🪫: I wish I could have stayed a bit more.

💬: I love the head tilt.

🪫: Blame anime. A lot of my mannerisms are from there. Wait! If there was one nervousness, I guess it’s, uh, when I get very nervous, like, my nose gets very congested, I guess. So I was fighting that the entire time, which is really difficult, that’s the only response I have from getting nervous, I think. That’s really, like, in your face. So that was difficult. I don’t remember if I was able to go off the side and drink water a couple of times, maybe?

💬: I get stomach ache.

🪫: Oh, so that's terrible.

[Debut Flayon talking about old games.]

🪫: Oh my god. Oh my god. Cosmic Break, I miss Cosmic Break, too. I mean, there’s Cosmic Break on Steam but it's not the same! It’s not the same. I do feel old, though, when people don’t know half of the games I play. Did you ever get to play ZX? I might play 04 on the schedule this week, even if I change it around. Honestly, I think I mentioned, once you see my schedule…

[Debut Flayon talking about his role in the Guild, getting customer calls like “Uh hello I like to order uuuuuuh…” ]

🪫: [at the same time] Uuuuuuh…

Me, and I forget what it was that. I was less stressed doing whatever I wanted, instead of like “you gotta do this, gotta do that”, I think, for the most part. Which sounds crazy, even.

[Hakos Baelz appeared in the Debut’s chat] 🪫: Ooh? Baelz was in the chat? Could have seen that. I don’t think I was able to see anyone’s messages. Did I even look?

💬: So not so much of following a script?

🪫: Yeah! No, not really following a script. It was more like bullets point, just in case you forget. [Sees Leona Renee in the watchalong chat] Hi, Leona!

[Debut Flayon: … And no one thinks I’m cool or anything, right?!]

🪫: Yes.

[Debut Flayon: Alright, alright! Like, you’re in gym class, and everyone’s picking, maybe you get picked last, that definitely wasn’t me…]

🪫: No, yeah, I got pickled last. That left lasting repercussions to my mental state. But then again, as you get older it’s like, I realize I was stuck with a very strange crowd.

💬: Improvisation.

Yeah, I’m good at that. Usually for most streams I prefer not going in with a script, actually. I find it boring, and it’s really tiresome for me to do that. So I just kinda wing it. Plus I AM an actor, I’m not sure people get that. I do professional work level. But maybe it just comes off as just, like, impressions.

[Debut Flayon showing the panorama of Xenokuni]

🪫: Cute! I remember! Most streams are unscripted, what are scripted are merch reveals maybe, ‘cuz I have to say stuff so I’m like “Oops, I can’t get it done, I can’t, like, forget this”. Would you guys script stuff if you were streamers? For me it creates more of a problem.

💬: Do you like the R-TRUS?

🪫: It's so cute. I don't think people get out like this but, hey, it's the R-TRUS trait, secret.

[Debut Flayon is exploring Xenokuni using the R-TRUS]

🪫: See? Cute. I like when he moves like this.

[Debut Flayon finds Magni in Xenokuni.]

🪫: Maglord! The GOAT! The GOAT at content, beautiful singing, the skill of learning, blender streams, loop streams, art streams, Judge Magni, the amount of content that man can pour out by himself was insane. Love him forever. It would be like a fictional character. If you don’t like my main fictional character you are a fucking idiot. If you don’t like Magni you’re stupid.

[Debut Flayon finds Hakka in Xenokuni]

🪫: Hakka. Silly boy. Do you like how Elysium looks? I don’t care much for it.

[Debut Flayon: There we go. Hi!]

🪫: Hi me! [Notices the Hashtag] Hey, #MachinaXLive, I remember that. We had a different thing, I think. What was that? We had to wait on our tags and stuff, but then when ARMIS came out they had tags already chosen. I kinda wish we had that, actually. But at the same time, if we didn’t, then we wouldn’t have gotten Machiroons, ‘cuz I think you guys were gonna be called Machiknights. HAHA.

💬: What’s wrong with Elysium?

🪫: Oh? Hmm… It’s not a big deal, man [Gets slightly angry for a moment]. Right? There’s just some other places, right?

💬: Elysium Tour?

🪫: Why would I do that for you?

[Debut Flayon starts explaining about his stats. Glitches happens for a bit, then Debut Flayon says that the orange stats are his stats and the blue one are with R-TRUS]

🪫: Yes. Do you like my strength? Do you like my strength? My luck is very bad, though, actually. I think people will always say “No, luck doesn't matter”. It definitely does. It definitely does.

💬: I forgot your neck collar sometimes.

🪫: What? You like looking at my neck or my collar bones? So my strength is off the charts. It should even be breaking… it should be breaking the… um… [Listen bgms] I remember this BGM! I wanted to use another one.

💬: Smexy collar bones.

🪫: Oomfie, you’re on main. Yeah! I remember I had a special chat to use, but I didn't want to use it, ‘cuz it was cool! But… What was the word? Hmm… Oh! But streaming in the R-TRUS is cooler!

💬: Did I lie? [About the collarbones]

🪫: I appreciate the honesty. HAHAHA!

💬: You are one to talk.

🪫: What does that mean?

[Debut Flayon: But I like to say I'm still learning stuff, instead of being too harsh to myself.]

🪫: Yes! Definitely.

[Appears art of Nervous Flayon on debut]

🪫: Oh my god! I remember this art! Actually, I went through something difficult before debut, so I’m surprised I was able to draw at all. Although, I’m still trying to get back at that. It usually takes a lot of energy out of me. I know I still like drawing pixel, though.

[Reads that one of his hobbies is “CRUSHING PPL :)”]

🪫: Crushing people!

[Debut Flayon: “… and then you compare your work to other people.”]

🪫: [Serious face.] Yeah. [Goes back to smiling] Whatever! It’s still the same me! Right? Right?

💬: Right!

🪫: Okay! Good! [Starts clapping] Yay! What about crushing people? … I still like this song, though! Hmm… I can’t access the highest pitch easily now. It’s kinda sad, actually. But… Mmm… It is a natural consequence, I guess.

[Debut Flayon makes a scream as demonstration of his VA skills.]

🪫: Wait, Yeah! I love screams! I like when people say they like my voiceover. I pour my soul into it but I think it doesn’t really grow big, unless you, like, do it a certain way. So that’s very nice.

💬: That scream scared me back then.

🪫: It scared you? But it's so fun when they’re screaming and then cannibalizing and then having a breakdown from cannibalizing. It’s so fun. I’m serious! Try it! … If you can.

[Debut Flayon starts talking about how Acting is similar to exercising]

🪫: Yep, yep, yep, yep.

[Debut Flayon: Reading and singing… And Crushing People]

🪫: Yeah.

[Debut Flayon: So with reading…]

🪫: Self help books, right, buddy?

[Debut Flayon: Theater kid? Not actually!]

🪫: Yeah, I’m not a Theater kid really, at all.

[Debut Flayon: I was shy in theater class.]

🪫: … Shy… huh.

💬: Honorary Theater Kid.

🪫: Hah!

[Debut Flay: I’ve been all self taught!]

🪫: Bingo! You got it. What was it? Oh, I only took theater twice, but I wasn’t really a Theater kid at all. If anything, I wish I could have been a Theater kid.

💬: Were you shy?

🪫: That’s, that’s a funny word for, uh, lacking emotional capacity.

💬: Theater kid energy.

🪫: I should kill you.

💬: Do you feel like you are different from back in the debut?

🪫: Um… Not really. I’m about the same.

[Debut Flayon is ranting about vegetables.]

🪫: Yeah, I don’t like vegetables. Spinach is good though. It’s okay. But I don’t like wet spinach. Mmm… What's the word though? Mmm… Different. I think… How do I pinpoint this? I’m a bit more carefree. Like that, maybe?

💬: Blanched?

🪫: Eww……

[Debut Flayon rating about him being Machina X Flayon and not Gavis Bettel, with a lot of incomprehensible noises.]

🪫: Fluborvious Glex. Angy boy. Huh? Look at me smiling, that’s interesting.

[Debut Flayon accidentally showed a panel of R-TRUS instead of the image of him running away from bugs as he doesn’t like them.]

🪫: R-TRUS. They wouldn’t let me show it ahead of time.

💬: But you like bumblebees don’t you?

🪫: Yeah, I like bumblebees, yes! But that’s cuz they got the chunk butt and they’re like round.

[Debut Flayon shows himself running away from wasp as shown in the animated video.]

🪫: Yeah, I hate wasp!

💬: Not even butterflies?

🪫: No, butterflies are creepy, watch that SpongeBob episode. Well, I like all of me. I like me on debut and me now. And if neither of them is accepted then I’ll be sad. But that’s fine. 💬: I remember that episode. Wormy.

🪫: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don’t like the closeup. But I guess the answer to your question before it’s sort of that. I don’t think I’m that different. Did that answer your question?

💬: Least cringe debut.

🪫: That’s so sweet! I feel like there’s definitely cringe, I guess, well, like I’m just like… For me, I didn’t really have much when I was younger. In fact, having a life or anything, or something was not something, I would foresaw, so, I’m happy to even have, like, stuff like this. That’s why I really recommend for people to draw, or sing, or create things, ‘cuz when you do that you can look at that and go “I made that”. Brings your confidence up.

[Sees the nervously smiling Flayon drawing]

🪫: I remember this art!

[Debut Flayon talking about fighting games]

🪫: Oh my god, so me. I remember I was aiming for Skullgirls right here.

💬: Young Flayon is angy and high pitched, cute.

🪫: Me and debut Flayon or me when was young? Mmm… When I was young, I guess you could say that… Oh… I was like… I was… I was… I was kind of like… Mmm… standoffish?

[Starts glitching]

🪫: Kinda sad… But then they just kept calling me a genius, I didn’t like that.

[Ends glitching.]

🪫: But, other than that, it’s kind of like… I didn’t really get appreciated much. I was more like your average guy. Maybe less than average, if I remember correctly. So when people don’t expect anything out of you, then you don’t really get anything. So it’s nice to be here… Hm? What’s up? What was it actually?

[Debut Flayon starts talking about Melty Blood]

🪫: Melty Blood, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Actress again, right?

[Debut Flayon talking about his mains in Melty Blood.]

🪫: Crescent, Kohaku and fuck Crescent Roa.

💬: Playing Fata Morgana because of you.

🪫: You’re playing Fata Morgana?! Y’know, I thought I’d cringe a little bit, but actually I don’t. I think, like, on the day, or after, maybe, you would cringe, maybe? ‘Cuz I’m pretty sure I cringe sometimes rewatching it, like, the day after debut, but now I’m surprisingly calm.

[Debut Flayon starts talking about Plot Heavy VNs and R-TRUS is telling him tostop talking.]

🪫: Hmm? Well, we’re cute.

💬: Perfect debut.

🪫: R-TRUS.

[Debut Flayon: Yeah, there are some things I can’t talk about whatsoever.]

🪫: Me my whole life.

💬: I’m tempted to ask, how were people like 18,00 years ago?

🪫: People 18,000 years ago? Cute… This is cute.

💬: Honestly you didn’t change.

🪫: Thank you!

💬: From this to playing eroge on stream.

🪫: That was always my go to, I wanted to do that. In fact, I think I put it on, I just put flat out eroge on my, uh, panels. But them some of the managers was like “Maybe don’t do that” and I was like, one side was like “I understand”, other side was like “I was kicked”, but like in a nice way, but I was also like “we need to reshape how the world sees it!”.

[Debut Flayon about to be blasted by R-TRUS is running inside the guild hall, looking for Bettel.]

🪫: I like Bettel a lot, you can tell even from here.

[The Peanut Gallery appears, with Debut Flayon hiding in there]

🪫: The Peanut Gallery!

💬: What would Bettel do?

🪫: Do you want in bitwise or actually? He’d open the door and ask if I’m okay.

💬: You like him? It was really subtle.

🪫: Shut up.

[Bettel appears behind Debut Flayon.]

🪫: Oh my god! Bettel Borbolus!

💬: Bettel: does nothing

🪫: No! I can sell you on it! Maybe another stream, though. I’ll get water. Betty bee.

[Drinks water]

🪫: Hey, hey! Look.

[Debut Flayon starts singing Top of the World while R-TRUS is still aiming at him. Flayon starts singing, too.]

🪫: I always liked Top of the World. I swear to god the full song now sort off… meany miny mo… Adventure. I think it’s cuz it’s three minutes but people didn’t know it was three minutes, right?

💬: Can we aim at you that thing?

🪫: Why would you want to aim at me for?

[Debut Flayon starts talking about his favorite things.]

🪫: Huh? He said what? …Wait, yeah! See! See this slide! They asked me to cut it down, and I did, but… What the fuck? This isn’t even the beginning depth pool of everything I like. And then even then I forgot to put Tails Of here.

[Debut Flayon: Or maybe I’m hiding something.]

🪫: I’m hiding nothing.

💬: Top 10 anime?

🪫: Dude, I shoved it more. They said “Don’t do it” and I was like “But why not? Why shouldn’t I?” … I think the reason I like my debut is I got to be pretty much myself. Wherever that's a good thing or a bad thing is another thing. But it helps you relax in the meaning of that. Right?

💬: They nerfed you.

🪫: I nerf myself. I’ve been doing that lately. But that’s cuz Mega Man Starforce it’s the Mega Man game about depression.

[Debut Flayon starts talking about JoJo and that he likes Part 3.]

🪫: Part 3 is goated! I think it’s just that the layout confuses people. But I think everyone has development even on the “filler episodes”. If you think Part 3 sucks, sucks, sucks, I think you just- you want to be spoonfed! You want to be spoonfed and have it spell out for you. You can’t watch the subtle character development of Polnareff the entire time. Or even Jotaro. Part 3 is nice.

💬: I like Part 2 better.

🪫: Fair.

[Debut Flayon is talking about how adults and children are easier to write.]

🪫: Right. And adolescents are more complex. But the structure. AAAAAAARHG! I’ll kill you.

💬: Kuzu no Honkai?!

🪫: Are people really surprised with that? They’re acting like I put Euphoria on here.

[Debut Flayon talking about how he likes Final Fantasy 4.]

🪫: I wanted to play that on debut! Waaaaaah! Final Fantasy 4 boost fury super mega champion. What else is there? There’s another one. If I can play that one I’m never going to stop talking. Thankfully some games are here, thank you Axel Granblue.

💬: Play Euphoria?

🪫: Hm-hm. If there’s some stuff I could play, or back then when it was a bit easier, I could have played it for, like, views, I guess, but, my intentions from the very beginning was I just happen to like that thing and I want to play it because I want to show how I usually encounter eroge, and visual novels as a whole. ‘Cuz I think, when people hear it they think “Oh! Sex!” but I’m like “No, there’s so much feeling and emotions!”. So much development and so many themes. Hello, I asked you that. But there’s some games that I won’t play ‘cuz, like, it’s gonna be hard.

[Debut Flayon goes high pitched to keep reading this list of anime and games he likes.]

🪫: Disgaea 1 is just kinda too goated! I feel like Disgaea is trying to, it’s trying to, Disgaea is just too powerful of a formula, I think. Laharl is too cool.

👑: Wind Waker… Hw hasn’t changed a bit.

🪫: Is that a good thing or bad thing? Hi Rin! Hello! Kingdom Hearts 2 is the best.

👑💌: Devil Survivor goated.

🪫: Hello Rie! When’s Devil Survivor 3?

[Debut Flayon: I’m not insecure whatsoever]

🪫: Well I’m entirely insecure about a lot of things, well. Kingdom Hearts 2 it’s an experience! I think everyone should play that. If I could play that again, I think I would. I think maybe it’s easier?

💬: Final MIX is best.

🪫: Erm! Actually! The best part- You hate me…

[Debut Flayon showing his tags, saying that the memes tag is #MachironiXCheese.]

🪫: I really like that one. That one is cute. I came up with that one.

[Debut Flayon and chat deciding between #MachinaXLive or #FlayOnAir]

🪫: #FlayOnAir is cute! I didn’t expect people to choose it. ‘Cuz thats like a Starsforce reference.

[Chat was saying how much YT was buffering during the stream.]

🪫: You poor things! What’s your- Your internet sucks! Okay, what's this?

[Pauses the debut because everyone is experiencing buffering.]

🪫: See? I’ll give you like 10 seconds.

💬: Choose it because it was a Starsforce reference.

🪫: That’s good! That’s good! I’d rather… I just can’t talk about other games sometimes, I just have the ones I like, and trying to like “you should play this one, you should play this one” I’m gonna uugh… Like yeah, maybe I could warm up to it. Like, after… uh… Um. What do you call it. Two? Three streams? It works now? Good. 5. 4. 3. 2 . 1.

[He sees the art in the Fan Name and Oshi Mark slide.]

🪫: Oh my god! I remember this art! But that one was really messy. I remember I made all these powerpoints. Very cute. Very cute, I miss this actually.

[Sees the Fan Name options.]

🪫: Machironis. You could have been Machironi and cheese! Machiroon! There it is! Oh yeah, I couldn’t tell, I should probably have made a poll. Macaronis, you want to be a walking piece of pasta, hahaha. If you were, then I would eat you, guys. I love pasta, yummy. Yummy.

[Debut Flayon: Luminous Arc, that's what I think.]

🪫: Luminous Arc too! But, see, how am I going to stream a DS game? Oh, I’ll handcam for that! I’ll handcam for that! I’ll do it for that, I’ll handcam for that game. Oh well, it might take a bit.

💬: You are gonna go old-school let’s play days?

🪫: Yeah! I like old-school let’s plays. I think it’s ‘cuz other people play other games and I think they do it better, and I’m just kinda, I’d rather not force myself to play something I don’t like, and I get very pressured if I am-

[Sees his Mama and Papa slide]

🪫: Mama! Papa. I have the power combo of parents.

💬: Five handcam streams!

🪫: That one was hard to sing. I feel like, in group covers, I always get the highest one. And I’m like “wait, don’t chose me”, like, my voice is struggling lately. I can’t do the high one sometimes. Which is very frustrating, like, for me, ‘cuz my voice is like up, down, up, down.

[Debut Flayon shows the Shouken Mama’s draw he made]

🪫: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! I have another one! Wait, did I have the other one by debut? I think I did.

[Debut Flayon starts saying a message in japanese to Shouken Mama]

🪫: If I debuted at the time that HQ came out, I probably would have been able to speak better, actually. I think I was a bit higher level, ‘cuz I was taking classes back then, and then I dropped.

[The other drawing appears.]

🪫: Oh yeah! I did put the new one! Boku- Boku no Nihongo… etto… etto… Ore… Ore no mae wa Machina X Flayon desu… Dozo. It was a lot better there. Now I can understand, like if you put me in Japan, I’ll probably be able to listen on the street and sorta tell what people are telling or saying. I just don’t know what to say back. That type of thing.

[Debut Flayon is showing Brian Papa’s drawing]

🪫: Papa Brian is so cool. Papa Brian is so cool. I wanna talk to him again.

[Debut goals slide appears]

🪫: Let’s see. Original song, yeah! But, I’ll have to put my, what, I’m very stubborn with that. I want at least the first one to be very me-coded. Jack Of All Trades, yeah. Pretty much do that, 500k subs… eh, 200k would even be fine. Song covers, yes. Compose music… I’ve done it, I’m just not showing you yet. Ooh! Be in a fighting game or RPG Maker game. Fighting… that sort of works, and RPG maker game… I think I’m in fan projects, yes. I forgot one, there’s like one fan project called Tempus something. I can’t find it. Dude, Tempus in.. heh, I love it.

[He sees the drawing in the Content Slide]

🪫: Oh my god! I remember! Yeah this is all the drawing before I dull something along. Then it kinda like, it killed a lot of my motivation for drawing, I think. But I’m still doing it. Which is nice. It was a bit cleaner and easier.

💬: When are you teaching us voice acting?

🪫: Teach voice acting? Hmm… I could. I’m the type of person that won’t do it unless I think people are interested.

💬: Voice help tips?

🪫: Yeah, I could! I wanted to do a mic stream in the beginning, but I thought it wasn’t the best idea and I was like “huh?”. But now I can probably do that. The only thing I have to make sure I don’t get the wrong advice but I think I know just about enough. I’ve thought of membership recording, I think. Or if, like, you ask them to fly I’ll help you, like, you’re, like, “Oh Flayon I only have $300 what can I do?!” and I’m like “Okay what’s your recording situation looks like?”

[The first schedule appears]

🪫: Oh my god! If only Final Fantasy 4 could be here. The karaoke, though! I wish I waited to do that, even if it would have been like, you know, the whole “Oh my god, it’s the first week! It’s the first month, you better do it! You better do it!” With my specific condition I should have waited a bit more. But I think I got stressed ‘cuz my cover didn’t come out on time.

💬: Would you play Legacy of Goku?

🪫: Honestly that one seems to be really hard. It’s difficult. I would love to play those! I remember I tried to play FighterZ but then it was like “Yeah, it’s good to go” but then it wasn’t and I was “oh, okay”.

💬: There were no days off.

🪫: Honestly, I’m telling you. I was less stressed around here. I was less stressed around here than I’m now. Which is kinda funny. But I think it’s more, like, a pressure thing ‘cuz I’m just playing what I want. I get very happy and then the passion flows through.

💬: Mega Man Zero is in your first schedule!

🪫: Mega Man Zero is goated! I might just throw it on the schedule!

[The slides ended, so Debut Flayon is about to showcase his model.]

🪫: Oh my god, show those titties, king.

[Shows two of the drawings that appeared during the debut]

🪫: Wait! Two of them!

💢: Mega Man Zero goes hard. Good taste.

🪫: Ruze! I want you to be in every stream with me! You are so nice! You do remind me like a cool cousin I only get to meet, like, once in a big family meeting, like, overseas. And then I can’t see you again. But the impact is left forever.

[Debut Flayon showing his headphone piece to communicate with people through R-TRUS.]

🪫: Yeah! See? Hihihi. Oh?

[Debut Flayon goes up to keep showing his model]

🪫: Yeah, bye! Oh? My crotch?

[Debut Flayon showing his coat, being Tempus made just for him.]

🪫: Now, thinking about it’s like… hmm… What was the word?

[Sees chat reacting to him saying crotch]

🪫: That's pretty sus from some of you, actually. You see crotch and you get that excited? Talk about repressed.

[Debut Flayon is now referring to the comments people made about his lower design.]

🪫: See? I’m pretty much the same, I think.

[Debut Flayon is trying to show it censored, but ended up censoring his navel, to Debut Flayon’s dismay.]

🪫: Oh, wait, yeah, that actually was a fuck up. I fucked up. That’s the only thing I would call really scuff on my debut. It was supposed to be covering it, but I guess I didn’t really readjust it.

[Debut Flayon reappears on screen, full body: Me!]

🪫: Me!

💬: Frame 1 censor.

🪫: Shut up!

💬: Hip bones.

🪫: Yeah? What can I say? I’m made for everything.

💬: You are the legend.

🪫: You guys are so nice to me. Thank you. Two of them!

[Debut Flayon is showing his bodysuit.]

🪫: Bodysuit! … Do people still think I can’t lift them up?

💬: Touch tail

🪫: That’s sexual harassment, don’t do that. The fuck? It’s mine.

💬: I love the no jacket look.

🪫: Really? Huh.

[Goes to take off his jacket, while Debut Flayon starts talking about Magni’s comment about his tummy.]

🪫: I love Magni! I love Magman. Can you believe this is almost over?

[Debut Flayon does the pat chat bit.]

🪫: I thought I would cringe a bit but I didn’t cringe at all. I already sorta saw that coming, but also I was “I’m gonna cringe at something”. I like all the setup I had for this! It’s so cute! Pat, pat, pat.

💬: You slayed this debut.

🪫: That’s very sweet! I think it was okay at first, but then I was, like, I had to go out of my way ‘cuz I was, like, “Wait! Can I just stream inside the R-TRUS in debut?” and it was like “huh?” I was like “No no no no let me cook! Let me cook! Let me cook! I can make this work. I can make this work.” And there we go.

💬: Okay, get off your head.

🪫: What’s your problem?

[Debut Flayon goes back to the R-TRUS projection screen to find the Unknown Energy Signature]

🪫: I remember this, so cute! You know what I wanted to have for this, though? I wanted to, if I could, I would- If I could music around then, I would have commissioned, like, an Ultra Instinct music like [Starts making Dragon Ball Super like OST sounds]. That was the whole thing with the thing I asked Hakka to draw. I wanted Hakka to appear like the fucking Ultra Instinct and just beat the shit out of me. But I could not get it in time, then, I think, some of my files crashed and I was like “oh”.

[Appears the Target: Banzoin Hakka, in the panel.]

🪫:Look at him! I’m just a fucking memer. If you watched Dragon Ball Super, like episode 107 and 106 live, that shit was fucking goated. Holy shit. I was watching that with my sister. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Starts glitching]

🪫: I was watching that with my sister.

[Ends glitching]

🪫: And then, what was it? Oh! Oh! Oh! It was when Jiren was fighting Goku, and he, like, pulled him by his leg and slammed down into the ground. I was, like, “Okay”. He got Super Saiyan Blue out, “He is going to be fine” and no he just got his ass beat, like, 50 times in a row. And it was insane.

[Hakka jumpscares Debut Flayon]

🪫: Omg! Banzoin Hakka! I think the only other nervousness upon this stream is coming up. Not here, though.

[Debut Flayon: Why do I hear boss music?]

🪫: Oh yeah, the boss music. It was because I didn’t know if it would work.

[Appears Drip Jacket Hakka drawn by Hakka]

🪫: He looks so cute! Why couldn't he draw more? It’s so cute! Don’t you think?

[The projection turns off, showing that Flayon got beaten by Hakka.]

I want to do that again. Wait! Look! The interior of the R-TRUS without anything is so cool! I miss.

💬: Drip Hakka is my favorite thing.

🪫: It’s very cute, though! This was cute! Today I woke up late! No, no, no, no, on stream day I was prepared. Today I woke up late. But that's ‘cuz I was lacking energy that I really need more often. Yeah, it’s kinda sad it’s almost over.

[Debut Flayon ends ups showing Shouken Mama’s draw instead of the ending screen.]

🪫: Yeah, that’s what I call the three scuff moments I had. One, two, three. ‘Cuz the other scuff moments I don’t really see them as scuff ‘cuz I think when you’re streaming live, you’re gonna have- there’s gonna be scuff, even on, like, your favorite live performances, they always mess up somewhere. Some people don’t! But they just know how to hide it. They’re professionals at it. But those three I did not see them coming.

[Sees the ending screen.]

🪫: Oh my goodness. The logo is dead, though.

💬: Corner!

🪫: I’m serious when it does not touch the corner. You have to look by the pixel.

💬: Did you have a rivalry with Hakka in your debut?

🪫: No. I just wanted to give him a cool entrance. That’s all.

💬: Three scuff.

🪫: Yeah! That’s why I say if you stream just stream, no worries. No worries. No worries.

💬: Bye, Debut Flay.

🪫: But there’s me! Okay? There’s me right here. Which Flay you prefer? Neither? I see.

💬: All of it.

🪫: Oh my goodness! [freezes for a bit]

💬: …

🪫: Why you guys keep dot dotting me like you are mad? It’s like having an argument with a guy online. What did I do? Do you not trust me at all? That’s actually kinda mean. I’m the same! Really! Yeah, Pretty much.

💬: I trusted you.

🪫: I trusted you?! That seems kinda like a change. What the hell was that? Wait? I trusted you? Why past tense?

[Debut Flayon: Byebye! Have a good one!]

🪫: [At the same time with the same voice] Byebye! Have a good one! Byebye.

[Closes the debut archive.]

🪫: Thanks! It won’t replay. I don’t think it will. Definitely won't.

💬: We hate you, actually.

🪫: WHAT?! Okay. Well, Shinri should be streaming now, right?

[Flayon becomes redder.]

🪫: I think he should- What the…? Why am I red? Oh? Yeah, even more red, the fuck? Okay, let me see…

[Goes back to normal.]

🪫: Okay, that was weird. Whatever.

💬: You turned the saturation on?

🪫: No! No! So I’m confused.

💬: Why are you red?

🪫: You can’t ask someone that! Jesus, what’s wrong with you? Okay, Hold on! But thank you, everybody! Thank you for the Roon rainbow! That’s cute, actually. The Roon rainbow. Thank you for the Roon rainbow yesterday! Thank you for the watchalong! Thank you for those of you very patient. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you very much.

[Sees Shouken Mama in chat]

🪫: Mama! Thank you, thank you, thank you Mama! Okay, let me put Shinri here. Thank you Mama! I love you! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mama-

[Streams froze and goes gray. A second Flayon appears on the screen, peeking to the frozen Flayon, and then disappears. Then Frozen Flayon is out of the screen, and the colors and movement comes back.]

🪫: Hmm?

[Flayon appears again on screen.]

🪫: You good? You good?

💬: There’s two of you!

🪫: You seeing double? Yeah. There’s a mirror in the back. I’m good! Do you know it’s rude to ask people if they’re doing good to much? You’re mean.

💬:That’s not a mirror.

🪫: Yeah, it is! What do you mean? It totally is. Yeah, look!

[The double Flayon and chat are being moved.]

🪫: I’m doing fine.

💬: Why is it approaching? 🪫: Hm? Why is what approaching?

[Flayon freezes again, and then it glitches for a second. Appears what seems to be Flayon.]

🪫?: Hm? Can I help you? Who the hell do you think you are? Giving me a nickname, seriously? Don’t act like we’re on the same level. Really, you shouldn’t. After all, I’m the genius Pilot. Who are you again? That’s what I thought. Look at your stupid face you have.

💬: Machiroons!

🪫?: Machiroons? What the fuck is that supposed to be, huh? Do you think putting my name in front of it will mean something? I’ve never had any family, not one. I’ve been a Pilot for as long as I can remember, you do know who I am right? Right? Me? Well, I’m Machina Flayon! Nice to meet you. Or that’s what I would say. But seriously, just go away already! I have important stuff to do.

💬: X?

🪫?: Hah? What X? You know.. if you’re going to talk to someone you should make sense. It’s about the best thing you could do, you’re really just wasting my time here, what are you even talking about? Here I am giving you my precious time out of my whole day when I could be fighting the corruption beasts and you’re just talking about this? Really? Honestly? …Talk about working someone to the bone, really? Fine I will go then, stop wasting my time!

💬: Sorry?

🪫?: You should be sorry, you should be! You should be! Hahahah!

[The laugh glitches and distorts here]

[The laughing stops and someone else? starts talking in a distorted voice]

🪫?: Someone like you.. if you treat people like this.. no one sees you right? So, it’s okay if I….

[Stops glitching and Machina Flayon talks again]

🪫?: Hello? ..Can I help you? You can go already. I work for the guild Tempus! I have a debut to be going to today, so if you don’t mind.. get out, okay? Hm. Alright, then byebye.. Hm? Good.

[The screen glitches and there is an anguished scream heard with sounds of coughing and gagging as well]

[The glitching clears, he’s still inside the guild hall and it seems to still be predebut Flayon?]

🪫: Huh? Oh Hi! Who are you? Hm? Me? Oh, I’m Machina X Flayon! I have a debut today.. I think Bettel is going before? You know the great.. showman right? Bettel? Gavis Bettel? Yeah! He’s like family to me.. I’ve always wanted a family, that type of thing? ..But, I guess I already have one? I have my sister! I’m glad to have that, I can’t imagine a world where I don’t.. Hm? You shouldn’t.. use a nickname with me like that I’m not used to it. [blushing]

💬 Other guy?

🪫: What other guy? It’s just me.. are you talking about the r-tru- okay sorry I’ve gotta go though, I’ve got a debut to go to, you know? Ok byebye! Bye bye bye, nice to meet you! Maybe we can talk later ok?”

[the screen glitches and it cuts to his end screen]

[After a while it cuts back to Flayon he doesn’t know what happened and blames it on YouTube, he then goes to say bye and end the stream but his voice distorts and glitches again]

🪫: Okay bye! Bye bye byebyebyebyebye!

[goes quiet]

🪫?: You’re a thief.

[Stream ends]

[breakerwhiskey]

117 - ONE HUNDRED SEVENTEEN

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey.

Transcript under the cut. For more episodes, click here.

[click, static]

Well, here I am, just under the wire, broadcasting a few minutes before midnight.

It took me the better part of yesterday and today to find a car, load it up, get into LA, and try to figure out what neighborhood I want to stay in. And then to figure out from there what house looked like it might still have power or have the capability to have power.

I think I found a little spot in Los Feliz - Francis told me about this neighborhood once, and how much he liked it, so it seemed a good place to start as any. And it’s cute! I think it’ll be a good spot to settle in, it’s more or less in the middle of things.

I’m sure it used to take people hours to get to the beach from there, but with no one on the roads and no traffic laws to follow, it only took me about fifteen minutes. A straight shot down Santa Monica Boulevard.

That’s where I am now. The beach. I drove my car right onto the sand. Why not? There’s no one here to stop me. Though I guess I am going to have sand in my car now.

It’s…it’s something else. The Pacific ocean. I knew it was big but… (whistles). Right now? At night? It is unfathomably huge. Just…gargantuan. It’s like the Earth just stops, goes sailing off a cliff into utter darkness.

[click, static]

Five minutes to midnight. I guess it’s time for me to come up with some resolutions.

It’s already midnight on the East coast. Well past. Isn’t that strange. It’s already 1975 for Harry. It might already be 1975 for you too, Birdie. What are your resolutions?

Okay, I’ll start with the simple one, the easy achievable one.

Go to all contiguous 48 US states. I’ve only got thirty to go, I think I can manage that in twelve months.

And that brings me to the more complicated, much harder one: to find you.

We’ve been doing this dance long enough, Birdie. I think I’ve earned your trust by now, even though you keep breaking mine. If I have to drive all the way to Alaska I’ll do it. But I’m going to find you. I’m going to learn everything I can about radios, and skip, and I’m going to figure out how to track where you’re broadcasting from. And then you’re going to tell me what you know about what happened in ’68. And everything else that you’ve been keeping from me because it’s too complicated to explain. I deserve to know. Just on the merits that I’m one of the last people on earth, I deserve to know.

And I’ll—I’ll tell you about what happened back then. What I did. I’ll tell you everything, answer any questions you want. But we’ve got to do that face to face. Even if it’s still dots and dashes, or writing things down, or sign language—I’ll learn, I picked up a book on it a few states back—we’re going to be in the same room and we’re going to goddamn communicate.

But for now. I’m just going to sit here, looking out into endless black and listening to the waves crash onto the shore, the only indication that anything is even there.

[click, static]

Here, listen to the ocean for a bit. Maybe it’ll bring you peace like it is for me.

[ocean sounds]

Happy New Year.

[click, static]

[showfallmediaarchives]

[GORE/BODY HORROR(?)/SURGERY DESCRIPTION/BLOOD TW]

[Transcript taken from multiple Showfall Media Recording systems. Edited by Hetch. Beginning…]

-camera shows Hetch’s office, an employee is standing across from Hetch, who is seated at their desk, one hand supporting their head-

“Sir?”

“What do you want?”

-the employee tenses at Hetch’s harsh tone-

“You told us to tell you if someone ever read your file.”

-Hetch looks up, narrowing their eyes behind their mask-

“The Archivist.”

“Yes, sir.”

-Hetch lets out a long, pained sigh, dropping their face into their hands-

-the employee waits a moment before continuing-

“Sir, how soon should we start the rewiring process?”

“You don’t.”

-the employee jolts, surprise clear-

“Isn’t that against company policy, sir!?

-Hetch straightens at their desk, shooting a glare at the employee, who nods shakily-

“Y- Yes, sir. Should we at least prepare it, sir?”

-Hetch nods, waving their hand dismissively-

“Bring the usual equipment, and a computer. And clear my schedule until I tell you to stop.”

“...Yes, sir.”

-there is a moment of silence, broken by Hetch’s rolling chair being pushed out as they stand-

“Sir, where are you going?”

“I have to find them before they show anyone else. I can’t let my file hurt more people than it has. Leave the equipment in my office, I’ll move it to the room myself.”

“Yes, sir.”

[Camera change, location: Archive Sector]

[Loading…]

[Auto-on, motion and sound detected. Sound registered:. . . screaming, sobbing]

[mask detection : . . . Archivist , media recollection unit.]

-camera shows Archivist on the floor, clutching a group of files, surrounded by blood. The lower half of his right leg is connected to the upper half only by ragged wires, metallic string and tendons. They are whispering in between their hysteria.-

“I can’t- They don’t- they cannot- they dont-”

-Footsteps, rushing from behind him, off camera-

-A person appears, seizing the Archivist. The Archivist appears to attempt fighting back, futilely-

[Mask Recognition:. . . . Hetch]

-Dialogue registered during struggle:-

“Shut down now. We have work to do.”

“It's all over now.”

“Your eyes are not meant for infinity.”

-Both people leave, the scuffle resulting in an unconscious Archivist being carried away.-

[Camera change, location: Temporary Secure Sector Room: 1]]

[Auto-on, motion, light, and sound detected]

-multiple voices, sounds of rolling carriers on tile pause-

“Yes that’s-”

-speaker, identified: Hetch, coughs roughly and wetly-

“Yes, just leave it here, I can carry it- ow- in. No, you go away. Yes, now. Yes I’ll be fine. G- ow- Go. Yep. Get out.”

-other voices say ‘Yes, sir’ in unison before leaving-

[Time passed: 00:06:51]

-Hetch closes the door, locking it as the lights turn on, revealing a bright white room and multiple devices used for rewiring-

-in the middle is a hospital bed, altered to allow chains and rope to hold down the occupant, identified: Archivist-

-Hetch shuffles around, pushing items into place, this ends in a chair and table being dragged to the Archivist’s bedside-

“God this took so long, hello, Archivist.”

-Hetch drops into a chair jarringly, movements out of sync with each other as they reach forward to access the computer on the table-

“You- You don’t exist-”

“Hff, been a while since I’ve heard that response.”

-a brief computer startup sound, followed by typing, and Hetch stands and walks to rewiring instruments on the left side of the bed-

“You-”

“Shut up. How much did you read?”

-The Archivist’s breathing speeds up, metal clacks and scrapes in background as Hetch sets the machines into place-

“N- None. All, all, everything, all-”

“God they never stop- ow- stop talking do they?”

-Hetch mutters, more to themself than the only other person in the room-

-machines power up as Hetch interacts with them-

“Who- What- What are you?”

“...”

-Hetch looks at the Archivist thoughtfully before shrugging, returning to the computer-

“Me. Let’s see here…”

-mumbling, unidentifiable, from Hetch-

-they press multiple keys, different machines around the archivist lifting and moving in response-

“Well, here we go then!”

“Wa- Wait-”

-Hetch pauses their typing-

“I-”

“Hurry up. Delaying means- ow- means more pain in the brain.”

-the Archivist flinches at Hetch’s annoyance-

“What- These aren’t- aren’t-”

“Aren’t the normal machines? Yeah no shit. You read my file, breaks minds, especially minds like yours. These aren’t rewiring or even reprogramming, these are meant specifically for this.”

-Hetch holds out their hands slightly, in a ‘ta-da’ gesture-

“This is removal!”

-the Archivist’s breathing picks up again, the chains scraping in response-

-Hetch smacks their own mask’s forehead-

“Oh for christ’s sake- Stop moving.”

-the Archivist does not comply, the machines with arms reach out, grabbing him and holding him in place-

“No-!”

“Relax, those are to prevent you from making this harder on yourself.”

-Hetch stands, going to a tray with metal tools in the corner of the room, hand hovering over it-

-they pick what looks almost like a scalpel, but with a wire cutter attached to the opposite end-

“Ah, yeah, this- ow- this will work.”

-the Archivist opens their mouth to scream when Hetch gets close, they stop him by shoving their fist in his mouth-

“This is gonna hurt. Try not to scream so much.”

-Hetch shivers slightly as they pull their hand back out, glove wet from spit-

“What-?”

“Removal is what it sounds like. It’s a lot more difficult than a simple rewiring.”

-the Archivist begins screaming as Hetch makes the first cut into their skull-

[Time passed: 00:59:12]

-the white room now has small spots of red near the center, Hetch is faced away from the camera, the Archivist is twitching and jostling the chains and rope holding them down-

-the Archivist is screaming-

-in the corner, shuffling something on a desk, Hetch covers their ears, revealing a darker red on their jacket sleeves-

“Would you shut up already? I already told you why I can’t use-”

“IT HURTS-”

“-anesthesia.”

“PLEASE JUST MAKE IT STOP-”

“If you would hold still for once, maybe it’d be done already!”

-Hetch snorts and walks back to the center, returning to their work-

-the Archivist is screaming-

[Time passed: 06:21:43]

-the Archivist's scream falters-

“Oh?”

-the Archivist turns to look at Hetch, who is very close to their face, jacket darker red on the front and sleeves-

-the Archivist’s eyes are dazed with pain-

“Hm!”

-the Archivist’s eyes roll back into their head, and they fall limp-

-Hetch nods approvingly-

“Finally.”

-Hetch returns to their work-

[Time passed: 05:09:01]

-silence in the room except for the whirring of a mini-saw-

-Hetch shivers, the whirring stops-

“Disgusting.”

-whirring continues-

[Time passed: 12:00:31]

-Hetch jolts with realization, their entire front darker red and rusty brown-

“Oh shit.”

-they stand and jog to the corner with the desk and tray, many of the tools are stained red or black-

“Shit shit shit-”

-Hetch lifts a small plier, jogging back to the bloodied Archivist and hospital bed-

“Shit shit shit-”

-Hetch leans down, peering into a cavity in the Archivist’s skull otherwise unseen by the camera-

-Hetch gets closer, angling the pliers before squeezing them shut-

“Ohhh that’s not supposed to go there. Whoops.”

“Lemme just.. Slide that back out.. OH EW-”

[Time passed: 21:20:59]

-the Archivist is still on the hospital bed-

-the area around the bed is stained various shades of red and brown-

-Hetch is in the corner on a chair, one arm is over their eyes-

“Well.. it smells awful in here.”

-they sigh-

“But I think we’re almost done.”

[Time passed: 02:12:13]

-the room is silent-

-Hetch is still sitting in the corner-

-the Archivist has been moved to a clean hospital bed, with little holding them down-

-the old, rust colored one is shoved in a corner, as are the machines-

-soft breathing from both occupants-

“I hate this.”

[Time passed: 05:58:06]

-a gasp of air-

-Hetch is still sitting in the corner, the only indication they’ve moved is the once again white room and clean clothes-

-the Archivist has woken up, and is looking around-

-Hetch knocks on the wall closest to them getting their attention-

“Hello, Archivist. What do you remember?”

-the Archivist observes the rest of the room, empty except for the two and their respective resting places-

“...Picking up your file.”

-the Archivist’s tone is wary, they are looking for an escape-

-Hetch sighs-

“The safe you took it from has security measures that, well, involve Security. You were in pieces, a bit.”

-the Archivist’s face twists in disgust, Hetch laughs roughly-

“No revival, but reconstruction sucks. My file, my eyes only, yeah?”

-the Archivist nods, glancing downwards as he rubs their throat, wincing in discomfort at the ache and swelling occupying the space-

-Hetch stands, stretching, their movements only stutter slightly as they unlock the door-

“Well, that’s my job done. Leave when you’re ready.”

-the Archivist’s face twists in disbelief as Hetch leaves, the door wide open-

-a moment passes-

-Hetch sticks their face back in the doorway-

“And I took the liberty of fixing the thing that lets Security know you’re one of us. No repeats for you, hm?”

-they leave again-

[Transcript taken from multiple Showfall Media Recording systems. Edited by Hetch. Released to the Archivist. Posting…]

@hetchofficial

[trendingbulb]

SEO in 2024: The Game-Changing Tactics You Need to Know 🔍🚀

Hey, digital warriors! 🌐 Are you ready to take on 2024 with some fresh SEO strategies? Search engines are evolving faster than ever, and so should your SEO game. Let's break down the key trends that will shape your rankings and get you to the top of search results! 💻📈

1. AI and Conversational Search 🤖💬

AI is getting smarter by the day (thanks, ChatGPT! 😉), and search engines are now better at understanding conversational queries. Gone are the days of awkward keyword stuffing. In 2024, it's all about natural language and answering real questions.

Pro tip: Start using more long-tail keywords and phrases that people actually say in conversation. Add FAQ sections to your content to target those sweet voice searches! 🎤

2. User Experience (UX) is Everything! 🖱️💥

SEO isn't just about keywords anymore—it’s about how users experience your site. Is your website slow? Hard to navigate? 🚫 That’s a big NO in 2024. Google is ranking sites based on their user experience.

Fix it:

Speed up your site ⏩ (compress images, use a CDN, optimize code).

Make it mobile-friendly 📱—most searches happen on phones these days!

Keep your site layout simple and easy to use.

3. Core Web Vitals: Your Site’s Health Check-Up 🏥

If you haven't heard about Core Web Vitals yet, now’s the time! Google cares about how fast your site loads, how quickly users can interact with it, and how stable the layout is (no one likes buttons that move!).

Make sure to optimize these:

LCP (Largest Contentful Paint): Your main content should load fast—ideally in 2.5 seconds or less. ⏳

FID (First Input Delay): Keep your site interactive, and don’t make users wait to click or scroll. 🖱️

CLS (Cumulative Layout Shift): Minimize annoying layout shifts. Keep things smooth! ✨

4. Zero-Click Searches & Featured Snippets 🔝

Ever notice how Google sometimes gives you the answer without even clicking a link? That's a zero-click search, and it’s only going to get bigger. To win in 2024, aim for those featured snippets—they’re like SEO gold! 🏆

How to snag a snippet:

Answer common questions clearly and concisely.

Use bullet points, numbered lists, or brief definitions.

Add schema markup to your pages to help Google understand your content better.

5. E-A-T: Expertise, Authoritativeness, Trustworthiness 🧑‍💻🔐

Google is all about rewarding content that comes from trusted, expert sources. It’s not just about what you write, but who is writing it and how credible they are.

Boost your E-A-T:

Get your content reviewed by industry pros.

Include links to credible sources.

Make sure your site looks secure with HTTPS and SSL certificates.

6. Video SEO: Lights, Camera, Rank! 🎥📊

Videos are 🔥 right now, and YouTube isn’t just for cat videos anymore! In 2024, video SEO is essential. Videos are dominating search results and giving brands a huge boost.

To rank your vids:

Use keywords in your video titles, descriptions, and tags.

Add transcripts to make your videos more searchable.

Use eye-catching thumbnails and encourage comments and likes to drive engagement!

7. Local SEO: Capture "Near Me" Searches 📍

If you’re a local business, local SEO is about to become your best friend. People are searching for services and products near them all the time, especially on mobile. In 2024, local search will continue to dominate.

Local SEO tips:

Claim and optimize your Google Business Profile. Keep it updated! 🗺️

Use local keywords (e.g., “best pizza in [your city]”) in your content.

Get your happy customers to leave reviews—Google loves those stars! ⭐

8. Content Quality: It’s Not About Quantity Anymore! 📚👌

Writing more doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll rank better. Google values quality over quantity now, so aim to create in-depth, helpful content that truly answers user queries.

Make it count:

Focus on comprehensive, long-form content that fully covers your topic.

Keep updating your older posts to keep them relevant and fresh.

Add visual elements like infographics, images, and videos to make content more engaging.

Final Thoughts 💭✨

SEO in 2024 isn’t just about keywords—it’s about creating valuable experiences for users and understanding how search engines interpret content. By optimizing for AI, user experience, local searches, and more, you’ll be miles ahead of your competition!

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[wordwizards]

i have found that i enjoy writing about heather hanging out with her brothers-in-law (brother-in-laws?)

Transcript in case it doesn't load right:

“I hope you don’t mind the dog.” “I don’t, but don’t let him into the backyard. There’s wolfsbane.” Benny turns on his heel and heads for the front door. In the process, he narrowly misses Heather’s shocked expression, but she doesn’t let him get away with it. As she shuffles into the house behind him, she asks, “Wolfsbane? Is there a werewolf problem in Rhode Island?” Benny removes his hat and sunglasses. Wisps of brown curls stick up in the air, and he runs his fingers through his hair. “No,” he says, “we’ve warded them off pretty well.” He slips past Heather to shut the door behind her. Heather unclips Barney’s leash, and the dog meanders into the kitchen to lie down on the tiles. “Must need to cool down after the walk,” Benny says. “I’ll pour out a dish of water for the poor guy. Do you need anything? Alcohol will, obviously, be off-limits.” Heather’s not sure why he would need to specify that when it isn’t even nine in the morning, but she declines the offer. She doesn’t want to think about trying anything right now when she’s still not sure what upsets her stomach.

[pennzance]

Ghostbusters: Port Huron (Episode 9)

Episode 9: The Quiet Night

Date: September 4th, 1998

Transcript of security camera footage of the break room, GBPH office.

Amber: “Who had the General Tso’s?”

Bryan: “Yo.”

Jeremy: “I’m so hungry that if the alarm were to ring right now, I would let Main Street slide into hell rather than not eat.”

Bryan: “Main Street wouldn’t slide into hell. It would be Krafft road.”

Jeremy: “With the theater? Dammit, I might have to do something if it was going to take the theater too.”

Eric: “Why? Its not like there’ve been any good movies lately.”

Jeremy: “Hey, hey, are you saying The Big Lebowski was a bad movie?”

Bryan: “Or Saving Private Ryan?”

Eric: “Not my taste in media.”

Amber: “Don’t you dare try to tell me that you read.”

Eric: “Ew, no. Do I look like Bryan? I play video games.”

Bryan: “Color me shocked.”

Jeremy: “What are you reading?”

Bryan: “I’ve exhausted most of my regular resources for research and I still haven’t come up with anything substantial on the talisman, so I’m expanding my scope.”

Jeremy: “… Yeah, but… Dante?”

Bryan: “Look, man, I’m getting desperate here.”

Amber: “I get that. What were the PKE levels on it last time you looked?”

Bryan: “They rose another 6% in the last week.”

Eric: “That doesn’t sound like much, honestly. Why the worry?”

Jeremy: “You don’t do math much, do you?”

Eric: “It’s a habit I broke after High School.”

Bryan: “The talisman’s PKE signature has roughly doubled since we acquired it. I’ve been keeping it in an isolation chamber, it can’t be absorbing it from anywhere, so yes, any increase at all is a distressing development.”

Amber: “Could we send it to the home office? Get Dr. Spengler to look at it?”

Jeremy: “The home office doesn’t respond to much these days. Maybe the Detroit or Flint offices might be able to help?”

Amber: “I know a guy in the Detroit office. I could try calling him? Or heck, we’ll see them next week.”

Bryan: “Calling might be a good idea. I trust the Flint office about as far as I could throw any of them.”

Eric: “So it’s not just me? They’re jerks?”

Amber: “Yes. To put it mildly.”

Jeremy: “Most of them used to be hockey players.”

Eric: “Oh, that explains it.”

Jeremy: “Pass the egg rolls?”

Bryan: “Oh, man, sorry, I thought you got one already.”

Jeremy: “No problem.”

Eric: “Where did you get this food? This is great.”

Amber: “There’s a little Chinese place next to the Radio Shack behind Blockbuster.”

Bryan: “Little Chinese places are the best. If I can see it from the street, it’s not going to be good. Make me walk around a dingey alley for it. Let me feel a little thrill just finding the front door.”

Jeremy: “Preach.”

Amber: “Oh, you guys packed for next week yet?”

Jeremy: “I’ve got everything loaded into the Ecto-908.”

Bryan: “She meant things like clothes and toiletries, Jer.”

Jeremy: “Ah. Then no.”

Eric: “So who’s riding in the company car and who’s riding with Amber?”

Bryan: “Jeremy’s taste in music is not conducive to reading on the road. I’ll ride with Amber as long as she agrees.”

Amber: “That’s fine, it’s only about 90 minutes away. Has Mr. Kaye gotten the hotel details yet?”

Jeremy: “It’s a Best Western. Sounds fine.”

Eric: “Is there a hot tub?”

Amber: “It isn’t a vacation, it’s a job.”

Eric: “Yes, and at the end of the day after chasing and being chased all over a big ass haunted asylum, I’d like to soak my tired and probably bruised muscles in a hot tub.”

Bryan: “He actually has a valid point.”

Eric: “What do you mean ��actually’?”

Transcript Ends.

[talenlee]

More thinking About Making QUeer Games

Do you remember Hannah Gadsby?

Nanette And the Limits of Comedy

Watch this video on YouTube

They’re an Australian comedian, who made the comedy special Nanette, and its follow-up special Douglas. That’s where I know them from. They’re good specials. I liked them a lot. It takes a lot to get me of all people to tune in to a comedian standing in front of an audience just being funny when there’s no presence of a dinosaur or laser beam to keep me from feeling selfconsciously like I’m being educated about art.

If you are at all aware of their work outside of that context, like, say you haven’t watched those but you know you saw them on QI or something, you might perhaps be aware of them primarily because of their presence in the news right now, as I write this, where it seems every shithead on the internet has an opinion on ‘her’ work not being funny. It’s really weird, like some sort of sequential reaction system is set up so that whatever the current thing is, Hannah Gadsby comes up. Australian comedy legend dies? Well, best talk about how Hanna Gadsby doesn’t like him but that just shows how poor a comedian they are. A politician says something stupid in front of a microphone? More important than that is that Hannah Gadbsy, who commented on it, isn’t funny. Hannah Gadsby opens a fine art show about Pablo Picasso? Well, get a load of how Hannah Gadsby isn’t funny.

I think about Hannah Gadsby a lot because on the one hand they have successfully made a large portion of people in my country out themselves as fantastically fucking stupid, but also because in their first show, Nanette, they left me with not one but two enduring gems. I’ve said in the past that I find hindsight is a gift a powerful phrase, but something else that has bubbled along inside me is the anecdote about lesbian content. They describe a queer critic engaging with their work with:

“I was very disappointed in your show this year, Hannah. I just don’t think there was enough lesbian content.” I’d been on stage the whole time. I didn’t… even straighten up halfway through, you know?

It almost feels gauche, rereading the transcript, to pluck this quote out of its context. Its context is that tittering haha oh yeah this is awkward but also very funny set, about how they spend their time being Not Normal around people who want them to be Normal with the threat of violence around them. I mean, Gadsby made a comedy special five years ago about how, y’know, what’s the deal with patriarchal violence, and people are still mad about it now, when I bet they haven’t watched it in ages.

But the quote hangs around in my head whenever I think about queer games.

I mean, what is it that a game is queer? Videogames, when I started writing about them, they had a lot of ways to represent queerness, because games are often about a cinematic representation of moments in a narrative. Videogames, simply put, can show you a lot of stuff, where board games and card games can struggle with showing the same stuff the same way. On the other hand, the way that board and card games can show some details, there’s some room. RPGs can have sidebars explaining that hey, yeah, just so you know, queerness exists in this setting.

But are those ‘queer games?’

There’s this idea I see sometimes expressed that if a player doesn’t engage with something in your game, it’s not really there. You can have all the interesting cars in your game but if they’re background details in a first-person shooter, then you can scarcely consider it a queer game. Is a game queer becuase of how it’s engaged with? How can Mass Effect or Fire Emblem: Who Cares be a queer game when the queerness is entirely optional, in such a way that players who are offended by it can avoid it?

I feel like I write this article every year. Sometimes it’s proud and defiant about how hey, I won’t tolerate talking about this stuff because X or Y. Making exclusions, setting up some kind of list, some kind of rule about it, about what counted, and that’s you know, fine, I think. I don’t feel bad about doing that.

But it got me thinking about queerness in the games I make. Or how I would get you to engage with queerness in games, the way I want to engage with queerness in games. What advice can I give? I personally struggle with the idea of representing romance in games! Which is also weird because I don’t feel bad about representing it in other media, I’m quite fine with writing about characters in relationships.

Even as I write these words out I realise that part of the problem is realising that I still treat characters I put in work I make as being, as it were, ‘my OCs,’ and therefore any story including or involving them is going to be an imposition on anyone else. Like, why should you care about my characters having romantic tension or sexy narratives? You don’t have any reason to care about them. And then the fact that they’re bi or gay or trans or anything feels like an attempt to express this is itself, an attempt to demand attention I don’t deserve.

This is, I’m sure, very normal thinking from creative people.

But the advice question boils away. I almost wish I could give some easy advice: Look, just make media that appeals to you and queerness within you will come through. But the problem is I do that, and I’ve had to start really harping on the fact I’m not straight to get people to not try and check for my queerness papers.

Anyway, the queerest mechanic is pair collection. Why you trying to make two things that are alike into a pair? Like gay sex or something?

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#Making

[thatoneaceinthecorner]

And here it is! My updated “loads of hitpoints” compilation, which is included in the LOLOMG fan project by @towga. There’s a full (and very long) transcript under the cut, which can also be found in the zine, so go check that out and give the rest of the zine a look while you’re there! Here’s to the magnificent chaos that was Rusty Quill Gaming, all the amazing talented people in the fandom, and sixteen glorious minutes of my favorite running joke in the series.

[Dice roll]

ALEX: What’s your AC?

BRYN: Uh, thirteen?

ALEX: Uh, it will be a hit, I believe.

BRYN: Yeah, of course it will.

[Pause]

BRYN: Why am I standing next to an enemy?

BEN: Because you—

LYDIA: (simult) Because Hamid wants to be a hero and you roleplay well!

ALEX: (overlapping) Also, what spell were you gonna cast?

BRYN: Magic Missile.

ALEX: Ah, fair.

[Dice roll]

LYDIA: Oh no.

ALEX: (overlapping) And deals almost the highest he can roll, a five.

BRYN: Five damage?

ALEX: Yup.

BRYN: It’s cool, I’ve got loads of hitpoints now.

[James laughs]

ALEX: Ah, you rested, and you slept, and all of the things.

-

[Lydia laughing loudly]

ALEX: Okay cool, let’s roll some damage, then.

[Helen gives a long laugh]

BEN: It’s alright, we’ve got loads of hitpoints.

[Helen continues laughing while dice roll in the background]

LYDIA: Yeah, falling damage actually really hurts.

-

BEN: Oh no I have loads of hitpoints, I’m—I can’t one-shot myself. [laughs] So this is fine.

[Dice rolls]

BEN: Aw, especially not with a roll like that!

-

ALEX: Grizzop takes twenty-three damage.

BEN: That’s fine, I got loads of hitpoints.

ALEX: Yeah, I know you do. That’s why I’ve got to punish you in different ways.

-

ALEX: (dramatically) Lydia. Is right to be concerned!

LYDIA: (overlapping) Yeah?

HELEN: What do you mean?

ALEX: Your large axe sweeps into the creature, a fine torso hit, that schlorps through it, gashes Zolf hard—

[Lydia hisses]

HELEN: Noooo!

ALEX: Dealing him thirty-two points of damage and out the other side.

BEN: Azu it’s fine, I got loads of hitpoints.

[Everyone laughs, Bryn makes a sound of despair]

ALEX: And I’ll end the episode there!

[Laughing and sounds of despair continue, Lydia screeches]

ALEX: I’m so happy that you keep critting on creatures specifically designed to punish you for it!

BRYN: (simult) You’re so cruel! You’re so cruel!

BEN: Sorry, just, just—just very quickly I would like to, uh, make a point of order—I’ve got fifty hitpoints left, it’s fine.

LYDIA: Left? You’ve got fifty hitpoints left? What?

BEN: (simult) Yes! I’ve got eighty-two hitpoints!

ALEX: Let’s be clear—

BEN: I’m such a beefy boy!

 -

ALEX: I mean, it’ll probably break on its own eventually.

BEN: Here we go again!

ALEX: (laughing) Okay.

HELEN: Ah!

[Dice roll]

BEN: Loads of hitpoints.

ALEX: Another lightning strike!

BEN: (whispering) He can’t kill me.

[Alex laughs, sound of many dice rolling]

ALEX: I don’t like that I can roll this many d6 and Ben’s like, “don’t care, mate.”

BEN: I mean, it’ll hurt, but—

[Dice roll on the table]

ALEX: You’ve been struck by lightning twice!

-

ALEX: Plus—

BEN: Wha?

ALEX: Yeah, people can—people can keep talking as the effects keep stacking up.

HELEN: Uh oh.

BEN: It’s alright, I got loads of hitpoints.

-

ALEX: Uh, that’s absolutely a good call.

LYDIA: Because since the things I have are kind of explode-y, I do not want to hurt—

ALEX: (interrupting) Correct.

BEN: Go for it, I’ve got loads of hitpoints!

-

ALEX: It hits.

HELEN: Oh no!

BEN: I haven’t got a very good AC.

[Dice roll, followed by a pause]

BEN: (whispering) Got loads of hitpoints.

LYDIA: Yeah, we know, Ben!

HELEN: (simult) Stop saying that! It’s betrayed us before!

BEN: (simult) I will say it—I will say it until I’m dead.

ALEX: Bryn—Bryn, I’m gonna need you to maths for me on the rapid.

BRYN: Right.

BEN: I may not have loads of hitpoints.

-

BEN: He’s a wrong’un, isn’t he audience, don’t you think?

LYDIA: (overlapping) He—he’s a wrong’un.

HELEN: (simult) Yeah!

ALEX: See, Ben’s laying it on all thick ‘cause people know how—how he reacts when characters die, now. 

BRYN: Didn’t—I mean, Azu literally also just—

BEN: (simult) Oh, I got loads of hitpoints.

-

HELEN: Everyone around me just wants to throw themselves into danger—

BEN: No, it’s fine, I have loads of healy—

HELEN: (interrupting) Shut up, Ben!

[Everyone laughs]

BRYN: When you say everyone, you mean Ben.

-

ALEX: Nineteen.

BEN: Round up or down?

ALEX: Round down, in this situation.

BEN: Cool, eight. I got loads of hitpoints!

-

ALEX: None of you notice any difference in the water level, or behavior of the water in any way.

HELEN: Weird.

[Ben sighs]

BEN: Right. I’ve got loads of hitpoints. Um—

[Helen laughs]

LYDIA: I don’t!

BEN: (simult) I stick my head—stick my head above water.

-

ALEX: Hits.

BEN: (whispering) Got loads of hitpoints.

HELEN: (whispering) Stop saying that.

BEN: No.

-

BEN: Only half of that fluid’s gone, so send in the second monster!

ALEX: Yesss!

LYDIA: (simult) What? No!

HELEN: (simult) No!

BRYN: Bye!

[Everyone laughs nervously]

ALL: Bye!

BEN: I’ve got loads of hitpoints left.

[Helen laughs]

-

[Helen laughing]

BEN: I’ll just get hit by a trap, it’s fine. I’ve got loads of hitpoints.

HELEN: Noooo!

[Bryn laughs, Lydia screeches]

ALEX: In Ben’s defense, he does now have—

BEN: I’ve got loads of hitpoints.

ALEX: (overlapping) Loads of hitpoints.

BEN: (simult) I’ve got ninety-two whole hitpoints!

LYDIA: That is—

HELEN: How come you’ve got more than me? I’m—

BEN: Uh, I’ve got a big con score.

HELEN: Oh.

-

ALEX: Skraak looks ready to murder Zolf.

HELEN: Oooh! Azu steps between Skraak and Zolf.

BEN: Good luck, I’ve got loads of hitpoints.

-

BEN: I’ve got loads of hitpoints!

ALEX: You are not Zolf. This character is injured by lightning.

BEN: (simult) I’ve got loads of hitpoints!

HELEN: You’re not beefy!

ALEX: Decision time.

BEN: I’m pretty—pretty beefy girl.

BRYN: (simult) Pretty beefy, yeah.

-

[Dice rolling over the top of Alex speaking]

ALEX: Hear this?

HELEN: Ohhh.

ALEX: (simult) This is the sound of my favorite type of damage, it’s—it takes a little bit of engineering, but—

BEN: (overlapping) The deadliest kind of damage in any system ever.

[Dice continue rolling]

HELEN: Yeah.

BEN: S’alright I got loads of hitpoints.

[Helen snorts]

ALEX: And what was your athletics check, just to let me confirm?

BRYN: (simult) Hey guess what?

BEN: (simult) Fourteen.

ALEX: (simult) Excellent.

[Dice rolling]

BRYN: Guess what, Ben? I’m a beefy boy.

BEN: (delighted) Are you a beefy boy?

[Bryn laughs]

-

ALEX: No.

BEN: (sadly) Oh.

ALEX: You failed.

BEN: (overlapping) Fair enough.

[Helen chuckling]

ALEX: You failed the check and he’s a beefy, beefy boy.

BRYN: I’m a beefy boy.

[Alex laughs]

BEN: S’alright, it’s only eleven damage, got loads of hitpoints left.

HELEN: Ohhh.

ALEX: I’m glad you have that attitude, because I think what we’re gonna do is—

BEN: (interrupting) No I literally, mechanically have loads of hitpoints.

ALEX: (simult) I know—

-

BEN: Well, I mean, I’m gonna knock and then open the door, ‘cause all she’s gonna say is go away, but she then might shoot me. But that’s probably gonna be—that’ll be fine.

[Alex wheezes]

HELEN: Uh—

LYDIA: Got a lotta hitpoints.

BEN: Got loads of hitpoints.

ALEX: (laughing) Got loads of hitpoints.

[Everyone laughs quietly]

HELEN: Um—

BEN:(simult) She—I mean, look, she cannot one-shot me, so we’re all good.

[Ben and Lydia laugh]

HELEN: You said that in your Zolf voice.

BEN: Yeah, I know.

[Helen laughs]

HELEN: Okay.

-

ALEX: I mean you say that, I’m fairly certain you’re playing the splattered remains of Zolf Smith.

BEN: Uhhh, uh it depends, how many hitpoints have I got left?

LYDIA: (simult) He’s got loads of hitpoints.

BEN: (simult) It’s loads. Looaads of hitpoints.

[Helen laughing]

ALEX: Okay, I’m gonna roll, I do—oh, exactly one more hitpoint than the number of hitpoints you’ve got.

BEN: Oh go on, take a guess, how many is that then, Alex?

ALEX: Ninety … two.

BEN: Ha! I’m on zero, not minus one, screw you.

ALEX: Oh come on, that was a good guess, though!

BEN: (overlapping) Yeah you actually guessed my hitpoints, that was very good.

[Bryn and Lydia laugh]

-

ALEX: And I’m assuming that Zolf basically doesn’t have anything at all, ‘cause he’s, you know, he’s got—he’s got loads of hitpoints, why bother?

-

BEN: Okay. I feel like at that point, I’m gonna go in, ‘cause, I’m—I’m magic, so what the hell are they gonna do?

[Lydia laughs]

LYDIA: I got loads of hitpoints!

BEN: I’ve got—I’ve got loads of horrible spells!

-

ALEX: I’d like to start this episode with everyone giving me a will save, please.

BEN: (overlapping) Yaaay!

HELEN: (simult) Ugh.

[Dice rattling]

BEN: It’s fine, I’ve got loads of will points.

-

ALEX: There’s no aggression there, but she is just … sinking them into your hand without, uh, realizing she’s doing so.

BEN: (overlapping) S’alright, I got loads of hitpoints.

[Everyone laughs]

ALEX: It’s true! You have got loads of hitpoints, it’s true.  

BRYN: (overlapping) Sometimes people just wanna hear the classics!

BEN: She couldn’t one-shot me with a shotgun, she’s not gonna one-shot me with her hands!

[Alex laughs]

-

BEN: That’s fine. You have character classes, you’ll be fine, like. You’ve got the hitpoints.

BRYN: You’ve got—you’ve got loads of hitpoints.

[Lydia chuckles]

BEN: Yeah.

-

AZU: I know someone who got hit by lightning, like … three times.

[Lydia chuckles]

CARTER: Wow!

LYDIA: Still had loads of hitpoints!

[Everyone laughs, someone claps]

-

ALEX: Well done, all of you.

HELEN: Thank you.

ALEX: (overlapping) There was a version of events where you wouldn’t all manage it, and I thought I’d give you a challenge you can’t solve with a dice, or—quote, “all the hitpoints.”

[Helen and Bryn laugh]

LYDIA: Yeah. I think all of us, all of us—

BEN: (simult) Where we’re going we don’t need hitpoints.

-

BEN: Oooh, that’s bad!

BRYN: I would like to state for the record … that I do not have loads of hitpoints!

[Ben laughs, Lydia groans]

HELEN: How many hitpoints do you have?

BRYN: Fifty-one.

BEN: Oooh, that could—mmm. We’re in the danger zone.

-

ZOLF: Zolf “still got loads of hitpoints” Smith.

CEL: Cel, actually better than usual, ‘cause I—I beast-morphed into a massive bat thing with a big wolfy snout, and teeth and claws, so I got—I got tons of hitpoints, uh, now, um. So, you know, and uh—Sidebottom, yeah.

-

BEN: So we’d have had, like a—you know, big fight, or something, but—

LYDIA: We got loads of hitpoints.

[Alex laughs]

BEN: They—they weren’t player characters, and therefore they died.

-

ALEX: Oooh, you’re in—you’re in my corner now, Ben.

BEN: Thanks d20 systems.

ALEX: (overlapping) Ben “look at all my hitpoints” Meredith, you’re in my town.

HELEN: Oh nooo. For the audience, Alex just, like, moved his shoulders as if he’s limbering up … to step into the boxing ring.

BEN: (overlapping) Alex, I’ve got—I’ve got ninety-two hitpoints, bring it on.

ALEX: The trick I have found with you, Ben, is not to threaten—

HELEN: (simult) Ben, stop this!

ALEX: Is not to threaten you with mere hit point damage, there’s more interesting ways to deal with you as a character now.

[Bryn laughs]

HELEN: Oh no.

-

BRYN: I cast resist energy on myself.

ALEX: Makes sense.

BRYN: ‘Cause I do not have loads of hitpoints.

-

LYDIA: But that means, still, uh—now, not loads of hitpoints. Only—only small-to-medium hitpoints. Not loads.

-

[Alex laughing]

LYDIA: Not a fan.

ALEX: Not a fa—

[Alex laughs harder]

BRYN: Could—could you not?

ALEX: (simult) Getting hit in the face? Good, yeah, loads of hitpoints. The tree looks at you oddly—oooh. Ooh, no.

[Lydia chuckles]

BEN: Yeah!

-

BEN: So, yeah, so, the previous fights we’ve just done, we didn’t get any extra healing, but it does mean that I don’t have any healing for when we pop—well, sorry, I don’t have any channel positives, I’m still a cleric, I have loads of healing left.

ALEX: Loads of hitpoints. For everyone! Share ‘em around.  

-

ALEX: I am going to drain you of those hitpoints, Ben.

BEN: It’s fine, I got loads of them.

ALEX: (simult) Benjamin Meredith.

[Lydia and Helen laugh]

HELEN: Ah!

ALEX: (simult) Yeah, good! It’ll only make the beasties stronger.

BEN: Fine, do it! Do it, kill me in this arc, let’s see what happens. I’m not afraid.

[Pause]

ALEX: Don’t tempt me, Frodo!

BEN: (overlapping) No I will, I’m actively doing it. Go on, kill me.

HELEN: Noooo!

[Ben cackles]

LYDIA: Aw man …

HELEN: You might not be afraid, I’m afraid. I might be collateral damage!

-

ALEX: Zolf, zombie-slayer, fort save MaGee—

[Bryn chuckles]

ALEX: What’s up next?

BEN: Aw, uh, same, and to be honest I’m not concerned because I’m a cleric and clerics are built to kill a lot of undead all at the same time, so, it’s fine.

[Lydia laughs loudly]

ALEX: True facts.

LYDIA: (overlapping) It’s like—it’s the opposite of like, I got a lot of hitpoints, I got a lot of channel positive energy—

-

BRYN: Azu is no longer invisible.

HELEN: Mmm.

ALEX: Oh well, I suppose then Azu is the one who’ll die, but yeah, same difference.

HELEN: (simult) But I have quite a lot of hitpoints and so does Zolf, so, me and Zolf are the best people to have—to be aware of, really.

BEN: (simult) Yeah we’re fine, it’s all good. I got loads of hitpoints left, we’ll deal with them later, let’s go.

[Alex chuckles]

HELEN: (overlapping) Yeah, I’ve got eighty-three hitpoints left, so.

-

ALEX: How we doing? I’ve got half the party currently feeling all lackadaisical, I’ve got one of you starting to, uh, trip over your words—

BEN: I’m doing alright, thanks.

ALEX: Yeah, you got a load of hitpoints, let’s ignore you.

-

ALEX: Correct! So you’re now next to Zolf … Zolf “loads of hitpoints” Smith.

LYDIA: Yeah.

-

ALEX: At which point, the creature is facing off against a tasty, tasty boy, full of hitpoints.

HELEN: No!

BEN: Yeah.

[Lydia chuckles]

ALEX: Rather distressingly, and I—I’m annoyed, because this is Ben playing well … it makes no sense for it to attack anyone else.

BEN: Yup.

ALEX: (simult) I really want it to. But it doesn’t.

BEN: Yup.

ALEX: So I guess I’m going for beefy, hitpoints MaGee.

[Helen laughs, Alex sighs loudly in frustration]

BEN: Yeah, go on, drain my hitpoints, see if I care.

ALEX: (simult) What’s your touch AC?

[Bryn, Helen, and Lydia laugh]

BEN: Or my charisma, see if I care.

[Everyone except Alex laughs]

ALEX: What’s your touch AC?

BEN: Oh, right! Fifteen.

-

ALEX: So there is a straight run, it is past a bunch of watchers.

BEN: Uh, Zolf will go last, because Zolf is Zolf, and wants to make sure everyone gets out, especially ‘cause he suggested it.

ALEX: Plus he’s got a load of hitpoints.

BEN: I got so many hitpoints.

-

HELEN: So, if I pick up a piece of wood with a nail in it, I’m saying, this is short-ranged and piercing, perhaps.

BEN: Yeah. And I made those decisions ‘cause Zolf has loads of hitpoints, and has a habit of losing his equipment.

[Bryn laughs]

-

BEN: So, Alabaster. You take yourself … fifteen damage.

ALEX: Fine, I got loads of hitpoints.

[Jonny and Lydia laugh]

BEN: If you want context for that joke, go listen to Rusty Quill Gaming.

[Lydia laughs, a dice rolls]

BEN: Oh no!

-

ALEX: Azu?

[Dice rolls, Helen sighs loudly]

HELEN: Yes?

ALEX: (cackling while speaking) Ohohohoho sh*t. I shouldn’t swear, ohhhohoho!

[Lydia laughs, Alex continues cackling over the top of everyone else]

HELEN: Alex …

BRYN: Alex …

[Alex cackling]

HELEN: No! No, what’s this?

BEN: (simult) Helen it’s fine, you’ve got loads of hitpoints.

HELEN: I know, but he’s laughing so much!

[Alex’s laughter increases in pitch]

HELEN: Alex!

ALEX: Okay.

BEN: It’s … more of a mischievous giggle.

ALEX: (simult) Helen—sorry, Azu—you take … ten, twenty … thirty-one … forty-two … forty-four lightning damage.

-

LYDIA: You may yet live! You’ll probably live, you’ll be fine.

BRYN: I hope so.

BEN: You’ve got … no hitpoints.

-

ALEX: It’s moving with terrifying purpose, that’s the best I can say.

HELEN: Mmm.

BEN: Fine … okay.

[Dice roll]

BEN: Uh, absolutely not.

BRYN: I think, Ben, it’s got both loads of hitpoints and loads of AC, and is essentially saying you don’t matter.

-

LYDIA: I have literally lost track, are we—are we saving Zolf’s life or Wilde’s?

HELEN: (overlapping) I don’t know what’s just happened.

ALEX: We are on the right side of it by the skinniest—

BEN: Oh, no no no no, Zolf—Zolf doesn’t give a crap, Zolf’s got loads of hitpoints, it’s about Wilde.

LYDIA: (overlapping) Right, okay, so it’s Wilde?

-

ALEX: Big beastie … big beastie.

BEN: Bring it.

HELEN: Ben! He has been bringing it! It’s not going well for us! It is not going well!

LYDIA: Yeah, you with your loads of hitpoints—I think it could one-shot Cel!

BEN: Well that’s why I’m saying—no, but that’s why I’m saying bring it, bring it to me!

[Helen bursts out laughing]

LYDIA: Ohhh, I see, I see.

HELEN: (overlapping) Serve it to Ben!

LYDIA: That is not its MO.

BEN: No, it’s not, unfortunately.

LYDIA: (laughing weakly) That is the opposite of its MO.

-

BRYN: Our chief weapons are surprise, a really big fireball, a paladin on a camel—

[Everyone laughs and claps]

ALEX: Thank you!

LYDIA: And loads of hitpoints!

BEN: Ah, loads—so many hitpoints.

BRYN: (simult) Obviously loads of hitpoints.

BEN: And I��ve given you all some more loads of hitpoints, so, you know.

LYDIA: Yeah.

-

LYDIA: I, at least, am excited about the fact that—like, so Cel now has a hundred and twelve hitpoints! It’s a lot!

HELEN: Oooh!

BEN: (simult) Nice.

LYDIA: That’s loads!

BRYN: Loads of hitpoints.

BEN: (simult) That is loads.

HELEN: (simult) That’s more than me!

[Lydia makes an appreciative noise]

BEN: Yeah, I’ve got a hundred and eleven hitpoints.

[Lydia makes a louder appreciative noise]

ALEX: I think you’re nearing the point where you could just jump off the roof and do a superhero landing without powers and survive?

BEN: (hissing) Oooh, uh.

LYDIA: (overlapping) Well, I mean, why would I do that? I’ve got wings.

[Alex chuckles]

-

ALEX: Plus you got loads of hitpoints, it’s fine.

BRYN: (shrill) Um! That’s not how I would characterize it …

[Helen laughs loudly]

BEN: You got a few.

[Lydia laughs]

BRYN: I’ve got—I’ve got some. I’ve certainly got more … than … before.

BEN: Yeah.

[Alex and Lydia burst out laughing]

BRYN: (simult) So, you know, that’s nice. That’s nice.

ALEX: And on that, let’s, let’s—why don’t we find out, and leave the audience guessing, but, I’m gonna call a bye there.

[Helen laughs]

BEN: (overlapping) Extra hundred and thirty-two hitpoints and he’s still un—ah, ugh—you, you can’t do it with—

[Everyone laughing]

-

ALEX: Everyone takes a hundred and twenty-two fire damage.

[Ben makes chef’s kiss noise]

ALEX: I’m not—like, I honest-to-god rolled it, a hundred and twenty-two, with a hundred and twenty just—bwoop!

BEN: And do you know what that means? It means Topaz takes one damage, and I take three.

[Everyone bursts out laughing, Lydia screeches and Alex wheezes]

BEN: I got loads of hitpoints!

HELEN: (simult) Ohhh.

LYDIA: Listeners, listeners, listeners, seriously—there were, while the dice were rolling, so many heart-felt conversation about like—you know, if the characters die, but we still manage to, like, set the device off, then really it’s a good poetic ending—like, there was so much heart-felt, like, “it’s fine, I can lose these characters, you know, and—and it’ll be okay, it will be okay,” and it’s like … ding!

[Helen giggles gleefully]

BEN: And, Alex, can I just—I, just to let you know, I still have nine temporary health. So I’m still over healed—

ALEX: (overlapping) Hey, that’s fine!

BEN: (simult) Okay.

ALEX: I can do this all day.

[Lydia laughs]

BEN: That’s fine. I don’t care.

HELEN: (simult) That’s the problem.

BEN: I’m standing up against the universe here, I’m proud of myself! You can’t take that away from me.

HELEN: I’m proud of you, too.

-

ALEX: Here we go. (laughs) Entertain yourselves as I roll my billion dice.

[Ben and Helen laugh]

ALEX: Hundred and sixteen, halved.

BRYN: (shrill) Alright. Alright, okay, that’s—that’s fine.

[Alex makes a dragonfire noise]

ALEX: Just—your world goes white.

BRYN: Hamid takes … fifty-eight fire damage.

BEN: It’s fine, you’ve got loads of temporary hitpoints.

[Bryn laughs]

HELEN: Ah. Just don’t get hit again.

LYDIA: (simult) Like—Hamid coughs more damage than that.

ALEX: (simult) You have been in the mid—congratulations, not many players sit in the middle of a dragon’s fire breath and go, “this is exactly where I want to be.”

-

ALEX: Azu, please give me a reflex save.

HELEN: Oh, b*****ks, sh****ng, f*ck.

[Alex and Lydia laugh, both very high-pitched]

BEN: Helen, you’ve got loads of hitpoints.

[Helen and Lydia laugh]

ALEX: Got loads of hitpoints.

LYDIA: (simult) So many.

HELEN: (simult) Yeah but it’s a clock, it’s sharp!

[Lydia laughs]

ALEX: And on fire!

BEN: Loads of hitpoints.

HELEN: No!

LYDIA: It’s fall damage that’s the scary thing.

Bryn: Yeah.

ALEX: (overlapping) Time gets us all in the end, Helen.

BEN: Wah, wah.

-

ALEX: Innumerable amounts are swarming upon him, he is still fighting, but it’s not going well.

BEN: That’s fine, he’s got loads of hitpoints, it’ll take the mob twenty seconds to kill him and that’s all we need.

[Alex and Bryn laugh]

ALEX: Ben is cold. I like it, but is cold.

BEN: Canonically don’t like the meritocrats anymore, so … f*ck him!

[Helen laughs]

-

[Alex laughing]

BEN: Yeah, I think, I think technically if we’re both reduced to zero hitpoints we’re gonna try and take hitpoints from each other, and then it just won’t work, but basically I’m thinking, I will probably have hitpoints, more than—

LYDIA: (overlapping) You’ve got loads of them.

BEN: Yeah I got loads of hitpoints, Babbage probably has less.

ALEX: (simult) I’m going to be interested to see how that interacts with sanctuary if it all goes off.

-

BRYN: Is—is Zolf technically just unconscious, rather than dead?

BEN: I’m on minus three hitpoints. I have loads of hitpoints.

BRYN: Yeah. Although the falling damage might be enough to …

[Ben heaves out a breath]

ALEX: Into the flaming pit of hell—

BEN AND BRYN: (simult) Yeah.

ALEX: (simult) During a large, bright explosion, yeah.

HELEN: Oh.

LYDIA: (simult) No …

ALEX: (simult) In which case … I’ll see you all next week.

ALL: Bye!

[RQG outro music plays, then fades out]

[pk-fyre]

You know he had to do it to em + some musings about this here lad. A buncha transcripts and elaborations of my messy scribbles are under the cut (masked man headcanon dump)

So my thoughts about the wings are that they can collapse through a combination of joints and extendable poles. Not a single clue what happens to the fabric when the wings retract lets just say its pigmask technology shhhhh. The wings can be retracted into the back where they have slots they’re stored in, more or less. Since the internal anatomy of this lad is a bit of a mystery we can get away with almost anything in that regard,, who knows what organs they still have, and which of those he actually needs.

We do know, though, that he doesn’t have a (functional) heart. My thoughts are instead that he has some kind of mechanical heart, which generates electricity and pumps blood around the body, functioning almost the same but acting as a power supply to the other cybernetic parts as well. This essentially brought him back to “life” and allowed his body to age relatively normally across the 3 years he was missing.

The other cybernetics include the cannon or arm (they are two separate, interchangeable attachments) and eye. Depending on mood I sometimes also like to think he has either one or both prosthetic legs, since it kind of makes sense to me given he lost both shoes in the fight against the drago.

The wings should realistically have the jets for propulsion to be canon-compliant but I cannot figure out where on earth they come from or how to make them look good skfjshdj (and honestly it looks like the game doesn’t know either, they’re pretty inconsistent about it) so I think they should just be able to fly because its fun and claus deserves it (I do think that he weighs quite a lot due to all the cybernetic parts so this is, more or less completely beyond the realms of reality but shh let the dude fly). These wings are supplied power from the core but don’t require much to operate, I imagine. If he had the propulsion cannons this would be a different story, though. Perhaps they are capable of being attached on after the fact, I don’t know.

His right arm cuts off at about the middle of the upper arm (before the elbow) and there is a prosthetic joint attached to the gun (or the arm). The prosthetic arm has sharp fingertips because of course it does.

The cords plug from the power core to the cannon and the neck, supplying the cannon and the eye/brain with enough energy to operate sufficiently. I figure the cord to the head isn’t always necessary, usually only for more intensive or advanced functions. Either for processing higher cognitive loads (calculations etc, I would assume he has some kind of computer processor implanted in his brain) or operating the robotic eye. The cord to the arm is only necessary for the cannon and not the prosthetic arm because that requires a lot more energy to fire (I assume the beam the cannon fires is some kind of energy beam, or otherwise generated by energy).

As far as canon is concerned, I generally consider Claus to be completely missing his left eye?? Although upon recently watching the intro to the fight at chupichupyoi, I noticed the visor flashes before he charges at you, so now I’m not so sure. a robotic eye is much more fun to draw and quite plausible so. Thats what I hc. The visor of the helmet is a solid material so you can’t see the eye underneath, but the eye can see through the visor (potentially tracking heat signatures or something like that, where the visor acts to reduce visual noise and helps them focus better.) I am constantly torn between whether or not this visor is capable of retracting to reveal a second tinted but transparent visor. I think the general consensus is that it can.

Also, a note, he/they nonbinary claus ftw

I think about this guy a normal amount I swear

[rebouks]

Previous | Next

Transcript:

Ivan: Always got a face on, don’t ya? Don’t you ever get excited about anythin’?

Oscar: Where’s Tilda?

Ivan: Dunno, I told her what time t’be here, apparently she didn’t listen. Let’s go.

Oscar: Tsk, it’s your funeral.

...

Realtor: Arturo suggested this specific unit above the others, since it’d have room for the both of you. It’s only just become available, I doubt it will be for long.

Ivan: I can see why!

Ivan: Are you seein’ this shit, Oscar? It‘s fuckin’ awesome.

Oscar: Excuse his language...

Realtor: [chuckles] He’s not wrong. Feel free to look around, I’ll be here if you need me.

...

Ivan: This bath is ridiculous, y’could fit like; three people in here.

Oscar: Yeah, no...

Ivan: [snorts] Would y’cheer up, what’s the matter with you?

Oscar: It’s a load of bollocks.

Ivan: What, the apartment? How can y’not like it?!

Oscar: I mean the situation in general.

Ivan: [groans] Y’never happy. C’mon, I wanna call dibs on the best bedroom.

Oscar: [sighs]

Ivan: I could get used to this.

Oscar: Don’t you think it’s all a bit hasty?

Ivan: Kinda, but what’s the point in hangin’ around?

Oscar: You know this is just another form of control, right?

Ivan: Ugh, obviously. I’m in the same situation as you, remember? We’re already knee deep in pig shit bud, may as well live in luxury n’ get a sick apartment out of it.

Oscar: I don’t see how you can be so at ease.

Ivan: I’m not! I’m a glass half full kinda guy, that’s all.

Oscar: Even Bruno’s apartment isn’t this fancy... It’s simply another way to placate us.

Ivan: Well, it’s not like anyone has t’tell him it ain’t workin’ on ya.

Oscar: Bah, don’t be so sure. This place is probably fucking bugged.

Ivan: C’mon, now y’just being paranoid.

Oscar: I don’t think you’re being paranoid enough.

Ivan: [sighs] Whatever. Whilst you sit here n’ sulk, I’m gonna go sign me a lease on this fancy ass pad.

Oscar: [scoffs]

[korasonata]

I swear I wasn’t going to do these anymore, but I literally just finished the thanksgiving crafting stream and this is the “CAN BADGER STAY PLEASE?!”Joe/Cleo crafting stream transcription special, lol.

—

Joe: I mean, Cleo, let’s think about how coordinated I am. If I’ve got paint on one of my hands that’s gonna go right to the keyboard.

Cleo: *laughing* Joe’s so coordinated if he’s got paint on one of his hands he’s got paint on both of his hands.

Joe: Yeah, it’s one of those things like there’s no handle on a falling knife? You know

Badger & Cleo: *laughing*

Joe: Theoretically I might not have paint on both hands, but for all practical purposes—

Cleo: In your heart, you've got paint on all your face and your hands—

Joe: Yeah…

Cleo: And any other limb attached to it

Badger: And in your mouth and—

Joe: Yeah. Bleh

Badger: Eating paint.

Joe: No lets not eat the paint. Um, but let me go get a cup of water and paper towels for the—

Badger: But its non-toxic!

Joe: Yeah, but that doesn't mean—

Cleo: Forbidden dare smoothies!!

—

Cleo: I mean, I could say nice things about Joe whilst he's away.

Badger: He would— he would really freak out if we did.

Cleo: I know…

Badger: Yeah.

Cleo: He's just a really nice person. He's so kind and helpful

Badger: He is

Cleo: And he helps me out so much.

Badger: He's very generous.

Cleo: And he does like loads of work on Hermitcraft when I'm just slacking. And, you know, he helped me out when my mum was dying and all those really nice things. And I can never say those things again because they've been expunged from my memory.

—

Joe (picking up a big bottle of navy paint): Blue sky? Get the— the big blue?

Badger (taking the bottle): that’s a big navy, isn’t it really.

Joe: Well— but you can lighten it.

Badger (looking at giant bucket of dried up paints): With what?

Joe (inspecting a bottle of dried white): Uhhhh…

Badger: Does the white work??

Joe: …no.

—

Joe (painting a hand turkey): Somebody says “why can I see two turkeys bursting into flames.”

Badger (laughing): Because this is a Joe stream.

—

Badger: Mhm.

Cleo: Uh huh

Badger: *villager sounds*

Cleo: *Villager sounds*

Badger: *Villagers hmmm*

Cleo: *villager groan*

Badger: *villager hum*

Cleo: *villager sounds*

Badger: *villager sounds*

Joe: …this is not strange at all.

—

Cleo: I don’t think I’ve been angry in…20 odd years.

Badger: Wow.

Cleo: yeah, I know.

Joe: you’re doing something right.

Badger: Mhm.

Cleo: Or maybe I’m just overdo for a nuclear meltdown.

Joe (laughing): yeah

Badger: yeah true

Cleo: that’s the other option

Joe: yeah that is possible. Good reason to keep a whole ocean between us.

Badger & Cleo: *laughing*

Joe: cause like, one of the biggest things—

Cleo: might not be up to you, Joe!

Joe: One of the biggest things about surviving a nuclear blast is distance, so…you know. I’m glad that we got that settled.

Cleo: I’m glad that we got this settled that— that Joe is going to avoid me forever. Which is fine. Fine.

Badger: Rawr.

—

Badger: the turkeys are facing away from each other. They’re taking 10 paces and they’re about to duel.

Joe (in the background): they’re keeping watch!

Badger: Yeah.

Cleo: He aimed his pistol to the sky!!

Badger: *giggling*

Cleo: Sorry… *laughing* I can’t help it!

—

Cleo (crocheting a pink lightbulb): If you look at this, you can sort of see the shape coming in? Kind of as a lightbulb— although looking at it now…*realizing what it looks like*…I really wish I hadn’t started in pink…*staring*…it’s fine.

Joe (aside): guess I’ll do maybe this one…

Badger (reading chat): Hey NJ!

Cleo: there we go. Boop. (Reading chat) “what’s the problem with pink?” Because it’s starting to loo— *pauses, staring* I’m not gonna answer that because…I’ve just realized that my own mind is the problem. *cackling* You see it?!

Badger: always the way.

Joe: so the problem is a problem with Cleo, not a problem with the hue.

Badger: I seeeeeeee

Cleo: *still cackling*

Joe: Cleo is externalizing her own issues.

Badger: apparently so.

Cleo: *light laughing* at least Cleo understands her own issues. *definitely not holding a crochet of anything even vaguely suggestive looking, nOPE*

—

Cleo: And then I’ve got to…do two rows. Ok. I can do this. I can do this. This is fine.

Joe: You can do this.

Cleo: thanks for the confidence, Joe.

Badger: You can do it!

Cleo: should I stuff the bulb?? I should.

Joe (in the tone of an automated voice): You are powerful and clever. Please turn tape to side B.

—

Joe: Do you have something else to work on right now? Or like a different part of the project?

Cleo: Oh yeah! I have something that I can— (darkly and with joy) it involves cutting.

Joe & Badger: Ooooo!!

Cleo: So I can change projects, it’s fine.

Badger (darkly): Sharp things.

Cleo: It’s fine.

Badger (darkly): We like sharp things.

—

Cleo: You need some kind of— I was gonna say you need some kind of virtual abacus, but then I realized that’s just not you.

Joe & Badger: No.

Joe: It’s way more fun.

Badger: He has to have the physicality.

Joe: Yeah.

Badger: Cause that’s Joe.

Cleo: is it now

Badger: Joe is very much the physicality.

—

Badger (colouring a spider lady): I’m trying to work out what colour to do her bow in, because I’ve done the legs brown.

Cleo: well if it’s a magic bow, you can have whatever colour glowy that you like!

Badger: Exactly!

Cleo: Maybe a blue?

Joe: Could be emerald.

Badger: I was thinking— yeah I was thinking kind of tealish.

Joe (amused): how diplomatic of you to go directly between the two of us on the colour wheel.

Cleo: *laughing* I know!

Badger: It me! Diplomacy!

—

Cleo: See, I— I don’t like loud noises, so…

Joe: And yet somehow we’re friends.

—

Cleo (reading chat): “at some point make a papercraft silver head fish.”

Badger: Uh oh

Joe: Silverfish head

Cleo: yeeeaaaahh. I— part of me doesn’t want to because……because of Joe. But part of me really does.

Joe: Because of Joe.

Cleo (smirking): because of Joe. So um…I see where you’re coming from, but you know, there has to be a point where I say it’s not ok to torment Joe anymore.

Badger: Huh?

Cleo: I don’t think we’ve reached it—

Joe: No…

Cleo: But, uh—

Badger: What?! Huh?!

Cleo (mimicking): Huh?!

Badger: *villager sounds*

Cleo: we’ve not reached tormenting Joe levels yet.

Badger: No. We’re being particularly nice to him today.

Cleo: We are! We have been very pleasant to him today!

SILENCE…

Badger (patting Joes arm): Haven’t we darling

Joe (laughing): Sure.

—

Joe: this part of the apartment is very chilly today. There’s a reason Badger has long sleeves on. Also they’re green.

Badger: Green sleeves. *starts singing Greensleeves* Sorry.

Joe: *having an existential crisis* HOW HAVE I NEVER MADE THAT JOKE?! I WEAR THE GREEN SCREEN HOODIE ALL THE TIME!

Badger (giggling): You’re welcome!

Cleo: Joe’s just having an existential meltdown of like (high pitched mocking) “am I even funny anymore?!”

Joe: Was I ever funny anymore?!

Badger: Awe!

Joe: Green Sleeves, come on! It’s been there this whole time!

Cleo: It’s a simple joke! It’s been there the whole time!

Joe (very high pitched): It’s been there the whole time!