#but the sad reality is that if any of them ARE gay and DO come out they will probably be blacklisted from the entertainment industry

[nighttimedemon]

There is one ship in Hazbin that many have labeled ‘boring’ or ‘uninteresting’, and that is the canon relationship between Charlie and Vaggie. Chaggie is currently the only sapphic relationship in the Hellaverse, which is sad for a show that gets praise for its LGBT representation [even though the representation is gay/Achillean heavy].

Charlie and Vaggie are comfortable around each other. Vaggie even called Charlie 'sweetie', and they share a bed together. When Charlie was upset in EP 7, she laid on Vaggie's side even though she was upset at her.

In episode 3, Charlie put Vaggie in trust exercises and Vaggie is clearly uncomfortable with being put on the spotlight. Vaggie is clearly stuck to Charlie's hip like glue stuck to paper.

Charlie has an issue with reading people, like it's pretty bad. After everything went to shit. Vaggie said some alarming things like "What's the point of me", "I'm supposed to make your dreams a reality", and "I'm supposed to protect you". Vaggie does not value herself and lives and does anything for Charlie. Vaggie does not have a purpose outside of her girlfriend.

In 'Whatever it Takes", Vaggie's section is all about her dedication to Charlie and spending the rest of her life being Charlie's partner. To Vaggie, Charlie's dreams are also her dreams.

At the end of the day, Charlie did apologize to Vaggie for putting all of that pressure on her and saying that they work as a team.

In episode 6, Charlie and Vaggie go to heaven. Yippee for Charlie but un-yippee for Vaggie. I rarely talk about plot holes, but Charlie thinks her girlfriend is a Sinner, did she ask for a special pass for Vaggie so she can come into Heaven? Whatever.

Anyway, since we are up in Heaven, Adam's stomping grounds - of course he shows up and the plot twist no one saw coming was the Vaggie is an angel, but not just any type of angel, she was an Exorcist!! *Pretends to be shocked*

The reveal feels empty and hollow like a dead tree. Vaggie being an angel is a fine concept, it just annoys me that we see Vaggie's backstory though Adam. The Hellaverse has an small issue with backstories of woman is through of the eyes of a man [We see Loona's backstory through Blitz's eyes, not her own.]

I wish Vaggie said something when Adam made strange comments about Charlie. He calls Charlie "Lilith's little hottie', congrats her on dating Charlie [I like Adam, that line makes him come off as weirdo holy shit] and "bitch" to her face, but Vaggie stays silent. She does give him a death glare when he says, "Hot as fuck though". Vaggie does anything for Charlie but does not say shit when someone is disrespecting her.

During the trial, Adam keeps his promise of blackmailing Vaggie by putting on her the spotlight, but Vaggie acts like a folding chair and runs off. I find it odd that Charlie did not question why Adam called Vaggie out, from Charlie's perspective this is the first time Adam and Vaggie met each other. Charlie does not even try to go after her to make sure she is okay, she knows Vaggie dislike being put on blast.

During 'You didn't Know', Adam being a petty bitch that he is reveals that Vaggie is an angel like him and Lute because Charlie dare compare him to sinners. This left Charlie in shambles, for like two seconds. Vaggie does comfort Charlie before Adam just sent them back to Hell, like okay.

In episode 7, Charlie starts venting to Alastor [his ass is not listening] about Vaggie keeping this huge secret from her and to Rosie, a person she just met that day instead of talking it out with Vaggie. Like what happened after they return to Hell? There could have been a scene in episode 6 after arriving back, Vaggie tries to explain to herself but fails and Charlie just runs away not wanting to hear any of it.

I do not blame Vaggie. Think about it, her whole world changed in a flash after being attacked by Lute, being left her dead, a demon, a group of people she was brainwashed to hate for who knows how many years saves her, she later finds out that the demon who saved her is the Princess of Hell who wants to redeemed sinners to put an end to the activity she [Vaggie] was a part of and killed sinners in the thousands. What would have been the right moment to tell Charlie all of that?

Back to Charlie and Rosie, Charlie thinks that everything Vaggie did for her was just lies and does not know how to feel, thinking it was a horrible for her to think that way. Charlie loves her and she knows that Vaggie loves her too. Rosie does have a point on maybe Vaggie is trying to redeem herself after taking a part of the Exterminations. Vaggie's dedication to Charlie and her dreams is mixed with the guilt about her being an exorcist angel.

Back to Vaggie, 'Out of Love' is such out of place song. Like Vaggie is motivated through her love of Charlie, she does anything for her. What is the vengeance? Her getting back at Lute for attacking her When she saw Lute in the hotel room, they just glared at each other and did not speak to each other until Episode 8.

Charlie and Vaggie met outside of the hotel and Charlie gifts her a shrunken head keychain and they hugged it out. They should have had a conversation in the hotel where Vaggie could have told Charlie how her life was back in Heaven and explain herself why she kept her angelic roots a secret.

In episode 8, Charlie is back in shambles because Adam and exorcists are going to burn that hotel to the ground. Vaggie makes Charlie feel better sings a reprise of 'More Than Anything' and they kiss. I stated this in past but 'More Than Anything' should be a song shared between Charlie and Lucifer. I am glad in Season 2; they are getting their own song to share.

Is Chaggie a toxic relationship? No. Not in a long shot. They clearly love each other deeply.

Is their relationship built off of a lie? Kind of. Yes, Vaggie did not tell Charlie about her past about being an exorcist. Charlie should have question if Vaggie was trying to sabotage her dreams due to being one but that did not happen. Vaggie wants Charlie's dream to came true and does everything for her to make sure that happens.

Is Chaggie one sided? Yes. Vaggie is always comforting Charlie and not the other way around. You should comfort your partner when they are feeling down, but Charlie never does it for Vaggie. She tries in episode 3 but just leaves. Giving your partner space is also important but the stuff Vaggie said was worrying. When seeing Vaggie afterwards, Charlie does not bring up those self-comments and when Husk flat out says that Vaggie hates herself, Charlie says nothing or tries to comfort her.

Charlie will be getting on her separate analysis; I am going to focus on Vaggie. Vaggie does not have any friends and only interacted with Charlie before the hotel was started making her very codependence on Charlie. This was probably done on purpose, if so, I hope this is this mentioned in Season 2 on how Vaggie follows Charlie like a lost ducky. I am not saying Vaggie does not have a personality, she is a bit of a hot head but is a caring and kind person. I just wish she saw her interacted with other characters and had conversations that had nothing to do with Charlie.

Chaggie is not a boring or bad ship, it is pretty alright for Hellaverse standards. it just does not get a lot of focus in the show and in the fandom. When the Chaggie merch dropped back in June, some fans were asking for Huskerdust merch.

I saw people saying the ship would have been better if Vaggie and Charlie were not dating at first and get together later on. I disagree with that, fandoms in general have a problem with tossing canon relationships to the side if the characters are already together before the series start. We do not need to see the characters feel in love all the present time especially queer ones.

To end off this post, I cannot wait until Season 2 and where it will take their relationship.

[matan4il]

have you ever been able to have any Palestinian friends? I'm not asking this as a gotcha question at all, but sincerely (I know anons on here can be scary), I was wondering about it because an Israeli I follow on Instagram was asked about this a few days ago in his stories, and he said he was never able to have friends in Gaza, but he did have friends in the West Bank, and they've almost all cut him off completely following 10/7, and some really hurt him by showing support for the massacre. he said he's still got his Arab Israeli and Palestinian friends who are Israeli citizens, that they may disagree sometimes but haven't to a breaking point because they live in the nation together and want peace and are supportive of each other through differences, but those friendships in the West Bank are sadly over. he also said that he's had friends he's known for years from places all over the world who dropped him after the terror attack just because he's Israeli and Jewish, which I think is all too familiar for ALL of us because I don't know a single Jew who hasn't lost multiple friends, online and off, through all this and through no fault of their own, just existing as Jews. it makes me so sad. but knowing he was cut off because of support of the massacre from Palestinians was depressing to hear, you think people are your friends and then find out they approve your people's rape and slaughter? and until they stop deeply hating Jews to that point, how can there be peace? he seems like such a good person and centers humanity and does want peace, as I know most Israelis do, but one side can't achieve that alone.

sorry this is long. *hugs*

Hi Nonnie,

thank you for the ask, and I hope you're doing good! *hugs*

I have had Palestinian friends. True, not from Gaza. Israel left it in 2005, and there has been an internationally recognized border between us since. Ironically, I think the only Israelis who could have given you a different answer up until Oct 7 were the southern communities that Hamas attacked and massacred. They lived right on the border, most were left wing Israelis, many volunteered to help Palestinians in one capacity or another (such as driving them to get medical care inside Israel), or chose to employ Palestinians (despite how some might have warned them that it's a security risk), and that illusion of friendship was shattered when it became clear that it was exactly those Gazans who provided the intel on southern Israeli communities, that was needed to plan and carry out the massacre. Not every single Gazan, of course. But enough that this is a true betrayal in the worst sense of the word.

In my case, some of the Palestinians I've befriended over the years have been uni friends or colleagues, but the closest and longest lasting friendships have been with gay Palestinians who I share a community with. They can't be safely openly gay anywhere under Palestinian rule, so they would come to Israeli gay community centers, and were received warmly there. I also was in one fandom, where someone heard I'm from Jerusalem, and said they know another Israeli from Jerusalem. Turned out, it was a Palestinian girl from East Jerusalem, and while I'm no longer that active in said fandom, I'm still in touch with that girl.

I feel very lucky to say that I haven't lost these friendships since Oct 7. Ironic, because I've "lost" friendships (if that's what they ever were) with so many hypocritical foreigners who don't live this conflict, and aren't affected by it, beyond their need to show everyone they're "on the right side," but I haven't lost the people who are actually a part of it. It's almost like foreigners have no idea about the actual complicated reality of this conflict, nor a desire to learn about it, just a need to reduce it to "good" and "bad," taking whichever side social media tells them is the former. My Palestinian friends know me, they know how I treat other human beings (spoiler alert: as human beings!) and they also know my opinions, and that I see myself as being both pro-Israel and pro-Palestinian. I guess they agree with me that my opinions are in favor of both groups, or I'm sure that they would have cut ties with me already.

There is one exception, though it predates Hamas' massacre. I've mentioned in my pride post that I've volunteered for the gay community in my city, at the Jerusalem Open House. In fact, there was a certain year where I won an award for being the organization's stand out volunteer. I mention this, because I have always seen myself as being there for everyone, and I feel like that award was an acknowledgement of that.

The very first Palestinian queer organization ever actually started out as "the Palestinian project" of the JOH, an attempt to create a safe space for, support and help queer Palestinians. One member of the group became very dominant and after a few years, she decided they should be an independent organization. The JOH gave its blessing, and agree to rent out one of its offices to her, and provide the physical space for the organization's activities (since obviously, they couldn't be openly held in Ramallah or Bethlehem, under the rule of the Palestinian Authority). I met her there, and we became friends. Not the closest, but def more than just acquaintances. I was very proud of her work for her community, and often told others about it.

One day, I was sitting in the JOH main space, talking to people about the problem of honor killings. It's widespread within Arab society (one researcher believes about 20,000 women are murdered for this around the world every year), and that includes Palestinians. I was specifically asked about it, and was answering the question out of a deep concern for Palestinian lives, mainly women and queers (including my own friends), threatened or murdered for the perception that they "violated" their family's honor. For the record, such a violation can be simply a guy kissing another one, a woman being raped, a biological male coming out and living as a trans woman, a mother getting a divorce and dating a new man, or a daughter defying her father's wishes and pursuing higher education. I have seen Palestinians (and Israeli Arabs) murdered for all of these reasons, and I HATE it and think more needs to be done to prevent such crimes. I also have queer Palestinian friends, who have tried to seek refuge in western countries because of a threat to their lives within their own society, sometimes from their own families. They were denied, and had to go deep into the closet. It's a miserable existence, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

She walked by while I was talking. IDK what exactly she heard, but she then went to the CEO of the JOH and complained that I was being racist. For caring about the lives of Palestinians. For comparison, I linked above to an Amnesty International piece about honor killings. Are they being racist for bringing up this problem, and speaking up for Arab women everywhere, too? The CEO called me in for a talk, was convinced that I wasn't being racist, and that was that. But it left me shook up. That was the first time I realized that this woman prioritized Palestinian society's appearance, over the actual well being of fellow Palestinian women and queers. I never talked to her again after that, nor did she ever speak to me.

I also started seeing her and her organization becoming openly anti-Israel, even when it harmed the community she was supposed to serve. In Sep 2021, there was even an article published about it, calling out the hypocrisy of attacking Israel, while this country's existence is what even enables that organization to operate, since they can't do so under Palestinian rule. And my friends who were seeking sanctuary from the threats to their lives from within their own society? They never got legal help in that pursuit from her organization, only from Israeli ones. I think that's a tragedy.

The last time her organization filed the needed reports to be officially recognized as an NGO in Israel was 2020. They obviously continued to be active after that, and still are (at least on social media, where they echo the anti-Israel narrative since the war started), but IDK if they're even doing anything real for queer Palestinians anymore, or whether she still heads it. Whenever I think about it, I'm just sad for all the people she should have helped, but who turned out to be less important to her than a nationalistic, antisemitic (that's what it is when she demands self determination for her people, but denies that right to Jews, as she does by supporting the BDS movement) and self-destructive (to her own community) struggle.

And yes, on a personal level, I felt betrayed by her, though I've also felt like her betrayal of her own people was way worse.

I think at the end of the day, for many Palestinians and Israeli Arabs, the question is what are they more attached to, that nationalistic, antisemitic struggle, or they (and their people's) well being. If you look at Mosab Hassan Youssef, I think what says it all, is that the son of a Hamas co-founder could end up on the side of Israel, initially not because of anything Israel did, but because he saw Palestinians in prison being tortured and killed by Hamas, and he gave a damn about his own people.

BTW, out of curiosity, who is the Israeli you're following, who got you wondering about this? And I really hope my reply was in some way helpful. Take good care! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[the-guilty-writer]

So Much

Request from anon: Hi if your comfortable with it do you think you could do like goth teen reader who scared to come out as gay to her father or the group. Who their father is doesn't really matter. I can barely find fics like this, and if your not comfortable with the topic that's completely fine. Thanks

Aaron Hotchner x teen!reader

Summary: reader comes out to their dad as gay and his reaction is not what they expected.

A/N: *extreme sarcasm* Gill writes a character differently than expected… no way?! In all seriousness though, my approach to Hotch’s reaction might be controversial, but I wanted to capture how I think he expresses love. There is a happy ending of course <3 and Happy Pride everybody. Everyone is welcome here and I care for every single one of you.

This is a request, but is a contribution to the PRIDE CHALLENGE

CW: Haley is reader’s mom and she is in here a fair amount but no mention of reader’s appearance, lots of up and down emotions, Hotch’s reaction could bring up feelings about the sad reality of the safety of the world for the LGBTQ+ community

---

You looked yourself up and down in the mirror, trying your best to look casual. You forced your wringing hands to your sides, though they still trembled. A large exhale released some of the shoulder tension, but not enough. Any tell in your body language would be easily caught onto by your dad; Aaron Hotchner wasn't the BAU Unit Chief for nothing.

For weeks now, you’d been rehearsing the composition of your posture in front of a mirror while thinking about the words you were going to say. You had the speech perfected when you were staring at your bedroom ceiling in the dark alone. When you practiced it out-loud, you stumbled over a word or two, which was better than it had been at the beginning; your jaw would lock up in anxiety, unable to get out any words at all.

The first time they slipped past your lips, just for you, it had felt like freedom - in an empty school bathroom you looked yourself in the eyes.

“I’m gay.”

And just like that, the weight of the world had been lifted off your shoulders.

“I’m gay,” you had repeated to yourself, and that time it made you smile.

The time after that, it made you laugh. You said it until you were practically dancing alone in the space, feeling so light, so free after so long hiding who you were, even to yourself.

Coming out to someone for the first time wasn’t even on your mind when your best friend walked into the bathroom to find you. You’d been so high on joy that there was nothing stopping you from telling them, and having them join in on your dance. You considered yourself lucky that the first time happened on accident. There was no room to hide from at least one person in your life. You were met with their support and it seemed like it would have been easy to tell the other important people in your life.

It hadn’t been.

You weren’t sure why— you’d grown up in an open-minded, loving family. Not once had a seed of doubt been planted in your head that they would reject you, but there was always the dreaded what if? that crossed your mind. The infinitely small chance that it wouldn’t be okay to them held you back.

It felt silly - almost stupid - how many weeks it had taken to look at the photo of your mother that sat on your nightstand and whisper to her in a trembling voice, “Mom, I’m gay.”

She had been dead for years. There was no risk of disapproval, being looked at differently, even of her ever loving you less. But it was the first time coming out to someone felt like it mattered.

All you could do was hold the frame to your chest and cry silently in the dark, imagining that she was there to wrap you in her arms, hearing her sweet voice speak the last words she ever told you: “I love you so much.”

That was the silent promise you held onto as you padded silently past your brother’s room and to the living room. You settled your hand on the outside of your pants pocket where you had been carrying around a small picture of her for weeks now. I love you so much.

“Hey, Jack’s in bed and you don’t have school tomorrow, so I was thinking we could stay up late and watch a new movie.” Your dad came into the living room, dressed in a casual tee shirt and shorts, just like it was any other day. It wasn’t just any other day.

“Yeah, sounds good.” You swallowed down bile.

“You want popcorn?” he asked.

Part of you wanted to explode - to forego the monologue you’d been planning for weeks now. How could Hotch not see the stiffness to your posture and worry in your eyes? Could the man who profiled people for a living truly not see how his own child wasn’t acting normal? But all you could manage was a “Sure,” and he left for the kitchen.

The anger dissipated when he left, and you found yourself sitting on the couch, fumbling with the remote in shaking hands. You scrolled through the titles, landing on the one you wanted and sat. Never had you felt so stiff in your own home.

Your dad walked in with a bowl of popcorn in one hand and two cans of soda in the other. He handed one to you and you took it, murmuring a thanks under your breath. That’s when he paused.

“Are you okay?” He sat down next to you and put the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table.

In a sudden rush of anxiety, you grabbed it and wedged it into the small space between your leg and his, where it always was during movie nights so both of you could reach. Except now, you felt the need to have a physical barrier between the two of you. Maybe you felt the salty snack could soften the blow of what you were about to tell him, or maybe you just needed to feel that normalcy in case it changed everything.

“I’m uh-” the well scripted, even more well rehearsed words were nowhere to be found inside your head. You sighed. “Dad, I want to uh… tell you something.”

“What is it?” He was looking at you concerned. Still, Aaron Hotchner’s “look of concern” was ever intense. You thought about your mom’s gentle eyes, her soothing voice...

I love you so much.

“I’m gay.”

A beat of silence.

Numb anxiety caused you to turn to face your father, but you couldn’t read his expression, not with the surge of fear that had taken over your brain.

That moment seemed to last forever - you, staring at him, searching the line of his brow or the curve of his mouth for any reaction. Him, staring back at you…

“Are you okay?” he asked.

You blinked, taking a second to comprehend his words, working through the tension. “Uh, yes?”

“Has anyone tried to hurt you?” Your dad’s eyes shifted to gaze down your arms to your knuckles.

“What- no! Of course not.” You shifted in your seat and Hotch’s eyes came back to your face. “Dad, didn’t you hear what I just told you?”

“Yes,” he said. “I need to know that nobody has hurt you.” He paused. “The world isn’t always nice to people who don’t fit their ideals. You have to promise that you’ll call me if you ever feel like you’re in danger.”

And that was that - your father’s version of I love you so much:

I would die before I ever let someone hurt you simply for being you.

“I promise, dad,” you said, holding back tears, though a few must have slipped down your cheeks because he raised a gentle hand to wipe them away. “So you don’t- you aren’t-”

He shook his head. “I care that you’re happy, and that you’re safe.”

“I’m happy, dad,” you said, a genuine smile tugging at your lips. “And I’m safe.”

He wrapped a gentle arm around your shoulder and pulled you into a hug; the place you would always feel and be the most secure in the world.

“I love you,” you told him quietly.

“I love you too,” he whispered. “So much.”

[alarmsofmyheart]

Tyme has the best rizz ever. I can't accept all the Tyme has zero rizz/awkward flirt/introvert flirt etc etc.. I dont want to keep quite anymore. From amongst all the doctor gays I've seen in any media I've consumed, and from the real life surgeons I've worked under, TYME HAS THE BEST RIZZ. I kept typing and deleting this. Because obviously, I didn't want to communicate and my opinion really doesn't matter. And there's hella lota things happening in the show, but

- TYME FORCEFULLY GETTING GREAT'S CASESHEETS FROM THE NURSE TO TREAT GREAT WHO IS HAVING LIKE ONE VISIBLE WOUND WHEN TYME BEING (I GUESS) THIRD YEAR RESIDENT, NOT AN ER SURGEON ITS NONE OF HIS BUISNESS (There are interns as the nurse said, calm down sir nvm thank you for your empathetic enthusiastic service)

- TYME TUCKING IN HIS SCRUBS BEFORE GOING TO SEE PATIENT GREAT (internally screaming since the day I saw that clip/episode, surgeons atleast any single one I know don't fucking tuck in their scrubs, at least not in my country, UNLESS ITS SOME VERY IMPORTANT SUPERIOR COMING OR MEETING THEM like health ministry people checking the quality at hospital etc aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaass so Tyme tucking in his shirt before seeing Great is so important to me atleast)

- TYME KNOWING HIS FULL NAME, i don't really know how it is in hospitals in Thailand, do they use their full long names or both the nickname and full name, but either way, TYME KNOWING HIS FULL NAME AND HIM TELLING HE KNEW IT FROM THE BOUQUET (instead of the case sheet which is what I expected) was sexy

- TYME TELLING HIM TO COME BACK TO HIMSELF FOR SUTURE REMOVAL BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONE WHO SUTURED IT (bombastic side eye) (WHAT A FLIRT!!!!! SIR YOU JUST MET HIM)

are infact some top quality rizz and quality realistic writing(atleast to me).

I don't consider Tyme putting himself between Great's legs/leaning in while examining the wound as rizz, it's obviously unethical, there's no need to compare reality with fiction but still I'm most of the time a boring person. So I don't mention that in the list. Rest of that happenings were pure pure flirty cutey pie thing.

Did the rizz work on Great? Yes. That's all that matters.

Also I'm posting this now because I didn't have Tumblr account till two days ago. Anyway what an episode today!!!!

Sad. Fucked up. Happy.

Not just the characters but Timeline is not straight as well. 😌

----------------------------------------------

Also it's nice of them whoever from production editor writer cast whoever decided to spell TYME as T Y M E instead of T I M E because they all know we be writing time time time multiple times in our meta/posts and it kinda easily seperates the character name and the entity of time, probably plays an part in trending hashtags etc etc. but great decision.

[bengiyo]

Tokyo in April is…: Ren Thought He Raped Kazuma for Ten Years

I apologize for the provocative title, but it’s something I want to unpack in this episode. As a Sad Gay Boy Who Watches Too Much Stuff, I want to get into the depths of the horror that Ren has lived with for ten years, and how it informs so much of his behaviors. I have a lot of complicated thoughts about this and will be using direct and sometimes-coarse language to talk about some of these ideas in this post. Please bear that in mind as you continue.

Trigger warnings: sexual assault, self-harm, suicide, child abuse, child disownment.

Ren is such a terribly tragic character. It’s been a long time since we had a gay character so completely unable to accept the love being poured onto him, and I think we need to get into why Ren is so incapable of love that he doesn’t even know how to cook.

It’s Mutual, But They’re Gay

Let’s start with everything through the aftermath of their first time.

We often see the trope of “It’s mutual, they’re just idiots.” I don’t think that applies here. Like with Lee Wan and Shin Ki Tae in Our Dating Sim, Wan didn’t conceive of a reality where Ki Tae reciprocated his feelings. Ren couldn’t ask Kazuma directly if he was also interested in him and had received indication from Kazuma that he was interested in girls.

In a spiral that he would never connect with Kazuma, a kind boy that he loves dearly, he decides to just get it over with and solicits sex from a stranger on the web.

Meanwhile, Kazuma has been nursing a crush on Ren this entire time, but he keeps second-guessing himself because every time Ren invites him somewhere, Ren also covers the fact that he’s angling to be alone with Kazuma by inviting other people around. When asked about girls, he gives the expected answer; we’re all men here, right? When he sees Ren going so far as to solicit sex online, he’s confused.

He chases the guy off, and declares that, if Ren has to do it, to do it with him.

Ren is always holding back with Kazuma, and it hangs over their first time. He apologizes that Kazuma’s first time is with him instead of a girl he might like, and Kazuma’s face drops. Ren asks if they can kiss, and quickly backs off the request. He remains completely still for the kiss, clearly scared of taking too much.

During the act, Kazuma gets overwhelmed with emotions about how the boy he admires so much is having his first time in such a seedy place. He begins to weep, and Ren interprets this as Kazuma being upset that he just did something so intimate with him. He thinks the favor he asked for hurt his friend.

Kazuma has no memory of anything after that night. He got deathly ill, and by the time he was cogent again Ren was gone. For Ren, the horrors are just beginning.

The Horrors

Before we get into this, I think it’s very clever of this show to frame the scenes in the past within this episode as coming from the memory of Ren. I think it gives them permission to go for style, and I think it makes filming easier for everyone. It allows things to be played kind of stilted.

The next morning, Ren realizes that something is wrong with Kazuma and he’s very sick. He does the responsible thing and calls for medical assistance. I can’t imagine how terrified he must have been at that moment. The boy he loves is dying, and now he’s got to tell the adults in his life that he might be the culprit and he’s been told that Kazuma might die. In his mind, he coerced Kazuma into sex, and in conjunction with his waiting around in the rain, enabled him to get deathly ill. A part of him probably wonders if he should have noticed something while they were intimate and sleeping next to each other.

gif by @save-the-data

He knows exactly what he’s admitting to, and still goes through with it. He doesn’t like. Kazuma’s life is more important to him than any consequences he might face. He says he forced Kazuma to have sex with him and reports on his lack of food intake, and then Kazuma’s mom slaps him and says to never appear before her son again. He is then summarily disowned by his family, forced to change his name, and sent away to France to be forgotten.

I think it should be noted here that Ren is a bottom. I can’t help but imagine the kind of images the adults int eh room must have conjured when he reported his actions. You know in their minds he forced himself inside of Kazuma as Kazuma struggled weakly. Could they have conceived of some sort of psychological coercion where Kazuma tops him? I don’t think so. They will never understand the sad disconnect between two boys who loved each other.

Seeing that he may never see Kazuma again, Ren has a terrifying moment involving a sharp tool. Thankfully, he fails, and goes to see Kazuma at the hospital. He breaks down crying as he apologizes to an unconscious Kazuma for liking him.

He begs Kazuma to live.

gifs by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

After this, he is sent to France, and Kazuma loses his old phone and his various Tokyo contacts.

That’s what Ren sat on for ten years. His last encounter with the first boy he loved was an emotionally confused sexual encounter followed by a terrifying health incident and ostracization from his family. He thought Kazuma regretted the entire exchange and almost died because of it. He believes he forced his friend to do something against his will. He thinks he raped his friend. He lost his family. He wears a wristband to hide his scars

That was the last ten years for him until he finds Kazuma’s box of research.

Ren Has Few Love Languages Left

Oh, but Kazuma is here! He was looking for him! Kazuma doesn’t regret what they did! He means exactly what he’s been saying this whole time. He missed Ren. He searched for him. It wasn’t just Ren. It wasn’t just in his head. He’s literally begging Ren to let him back in.

I cannot overstate how gentle it was for this show to follow up on such a heavy set of reveals by showing these two in a domestic bubble for most of the remaining episode. Still, I can’t get over how this forces us to see how stunted Ren is by the entire affair.

Ren doesn’t have much game. He doesn’t flirt with Kazuma that much. All he can do is spend time with him and seek reassurance and connection through sex. He doesn’t have a lot of other hobbies, so has no special places to share with Kazuma. He can’t make food for Kazuma to share his affection.

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

So often in these Japanese shows, food itself is love. Unlike Kakei Shiro, Ren doesn’t know how to cook. He can’t express his affections back to Kazuma in that way. All he has is love of his shows and the ability to spend time with Kazuma. It’s at this point that their Friends With Benefits rules start to break down. Ren spends the next few days living with Kazuma. He doesn’t want to leave him anymore.

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

They start cooking together and feeding each other food. As a gay man, I’m choosing to read them both feeding each other in a sexual context. We get Kazuma’s voice over saying, “Nothing else mattered. You’re the only thing that’s important to me, Ren,” as Ren smiles at a sleeping Kazuma and strokes his face.

These two are doing so much better that their coworker comments on how good they both have been looking lately!

Final Thoughts

My only goal with this was to write down how deeply sad Ren made me in this past episode. We see so many gays in these shows that are Shiny and Chrome. I find myself often drawn to the gay men in these shows who have suffered, because I have suffered. I carry old wounds on my soul from the gay disappointments of my youth. For all the spectacular sex that these two are having, I am struck with the deep sadness that Ren is just now learning how to express love to someone.

I know what it’s like to feel like you’ve hurt someone because of a misunderstanding and know that you will never be able to do anything to make it right. I know what it’s like to be young and love a boy and think that he doesn’t love you back only to later be told that he was interested. It hurts. It is a permanent ache you feel in the joints in your hands.

I get Ren. I am rooting for him.

[erumai-maadu]

(Slowly going back to my naruto era again…. Yay ) it’s so frustrating that Team Gai didn’t get to mourn completely. Like only Lee did and I get it that’s his rival and tenten that was her friend who also dealt with Lee and Gai ‘s shenanigans and Gai felt out of character when he told Lee like I get it but he never grieve after losing one of his students….

(muhahahaha come back to the pits with us mel. we have cookies!)

So much about Neji’s death was handled so badly, which explains the commonality of Neji Lives AUs. because EVERYONE knew that was bullshit.

So earlier I was watching an OSP Trope Talk (that series is a goldmine for writers btw everyone should go check it out) on fridging, and there were a few things that Red said which stuck out to me a lot.

Side note here: Neji wasn’t fridged, necessarily, but since fridging is a bad character death, Red was discussing a lot of character death tropes and how to write a good character death.

The main takeaway from the video is that a good character death feels like a conclusion to their arc somehow. Like even if it cuts off their life and their arc/future to some degree, things have wrapped up enough in their arc that the death feels correct or acceptable in some way. That clearly doesn’t happen here.

I think the reality is that Kishimoto designed Team Gai to be side characters, and killed Neji for emotional impact to Naruto and Hinata, as well as to set an example for how brutal the war was going to be. Nobody else died. It wasn’t a satisfying conclusion to his arc in any way, especially given that his whole narrative was about breaking free from the idea of the branch protecting the main family with their lives.

I think the arc of the Hyuuga clan was handled badly just in general but that’s a different (and related) conversation.

People can talk about “well it was Neji’s choice not because he had to” all they want. it just doesn’t feel satisfying. it’s a spit in the face to everything that Neji’s arc had worked up for till then.

Another thing is that a good character death has the characters around them grieve and be deeply affected by it.

Lee didn’t really grieve. He got to be sad, got to go “nooooo nejiiiiiii” and then never really mentioned it again. Naruto got a scene with Neji (that was longer than anything he got with HIS OWN TEAM RAHHH GRRR) and then was at the funeral.

The war was raging around them so one can argue they didn’t have the time to grieve. And honestly that could’ve been a very interesting thing. Forcing all of them to delay their grief because there’s a war going on, we’ll have to deal with this later, having them fight to stay focused on the task at hand, and the consequences of putting off that emotion.

Seeing something, anything that Lee and Tenten and Gai do to keep Neji in their minds. Even just them visiting his grave. Gai lost his father in a war and to lose a student, someone he probably saw as like a child to him, in a war would have been incredibly traumatic and hard for him.

Insane that in the manga there is literally no panel of Lee and Tenten at Neji’s funeral. We see team 10. but not Gai or Lee or Tenten. In the anime they’re there, so small condolences I guess.

Neji, like Shikamaru, is what I like to call a “main side character”. They are the side characters with a lot of screen/panel time and have these big and important narrative arcs that take up time and have an impact on the main character.

Lee, and Tenten especially are minor side characters who don’t get much. And Gai to some extent.

Lee gets his match against Gaara and his time during the chunin exams, and then beyond that I don’t believe we see much of him in a major narrative way. Even in the retrieval arc he’s mostly just there to show how strong Kimimaro is, rib Gaara a little about injuring him, and then sit there and ooh and aah while he summons enough sand to change the landscape.

Gai gets a bit of panel time as elite kickass jounin and Kakashi’s good friend, but still gets relegated to the side for Obito once he pops up. Madara vs Gai changed the culture the same way Lee dropping his weights did, and I think having Naruto bullshit no jutsu him back to life was…. A Choice. I got thoughts about that one too. I like that they did permanently disable him as a consequence, so his choice does have some narrative weight that others don’t. Gai gets a level of respect and dignity as a character but doesn’t really get an arc.

Tenten is the side character of all side characters. Doesn’t have a canonical last name, we know nothing about her, gets a fairly forgettable jutsu that you only really think about if you’re obsessed with her (diagnosis), and gets less screentime than Tsunade’s pet pig or Naruto’s sad boy hours swing. Her main traits come from anime filler arcs that only exist because some mfs on SP’s team LOVE team gai with all their hearts, and i adore them for this. But again, as a very minor character, she doesn’t get an arc or a focus or anything. and that’s fine, such is the nature of side characters, and such is my burden for getting obsessed with them so hard.

the point of all of this is that Tenten and Lee, and Gai to some extent, aren’t narratively important enough to bother getting panel time for grief. I think that’s why they didn’t get any sort of scene mourning Neji. I and the rest of the team gai fandom care more about Team Gai than Kishimoto ever did and that’s a little sad.

In the end it’s just bad writing, plain and simple. If Kishi needed Neji to die, there was a lot of narrative setup that he skipped in the process, and a lot of narrative afterward that would’ve helped justify the choice and make it actually satisfying.

Neji Lives AU for the win, as always.

[intertexts]

Oh wait

You like fucked up towns?

Do you perhaps have any thoughts on towns and how to make them more fucked up? :]

(^^ words of something trying to make a small town map that’s fucked up)

OH. HUH. FUN QUESTION. i feel like. i am a terrible person to ask for thoughts on things like this because the extent of my writing is like, gay ass character studies & shit. but. i do have a ton of thoughts on fucked up towns.

the most important thing, i personally think, is having your town be grounded in a real regional place and it has to be a place you love. it's so difficult to make that shit up from scratch and still carry a real weight. and the horror or strangeness or sadness of the town should come from the reality of it.

picking a few of the easiest examples: welcome to night vale, night in the woods, h.p. lovecraft's miskatonic county. the fucked-up-ness of all of them springs from the nature of the place itself. they're not interchangeable, and they all have different emotions linked with them.

night vale is, very loosely, a satire of unbothered american suburbia in the face of-- well. all the horrific shit that post-9/11 unbothered americana ignores! and the strangeness and beauty of the setting comes from the easy and pleasant and mundane way that its citizens interact with the horror. it's day-to-day, it's chill, it's normal. yeah the faceless old lady who lives in your home is running for mayor. yeah the angels who work the community garden and live with josie finally won the case for their existence we can acknowledge them now cool. (& also of course night vale is a southwestern desert town & it doesn't let u forget that!! it's hot and sunny in the day and cold at night and there's sand dunes out by the edge of town and beaches with no lakes and it is very grounded in its setting!!)

possum falls from nitw, on the other hand, is a love letter to to those old, death spiraling pennsylvania rust belt mining towns. it isn't as heavily supernatural of a setting (outside of the old god in the mines the elders are sacrificing the most vulnerable members of the community to for nothing but the continued hollow, wheezing survival of something that should be allowed to die) but it's very grounded in the reality of those places-- the omnipresent forest, the dinky grocery store, your old high school classmate sitting out on her apartment steps at sunset, the feeling of being out in the autumn cold at dusk and the empty subway station and the weathered, half-hearted historical remnants of local pride and the ghost of the closed mine over it all. the type of dead-end, black hole, potholed main street town that you know you're gonna live and die in because it's what your parents did and what their parents did and god knows how you'd even make it out.

lovecraft-- i mean, mandatory disclaimer on his insane racism of course. up to u if u wanna read of his work, a lot of his short stories r very short etc. but crucially, for what we're talking about here, lovecraft was fucking in love with new england in the way that people who r born and raised in new england r insane about it. his lovecraft country/miskatonic county/arkham county is set in massachusetts, and he's very clear about why everything's set in mass: bleak, lonely, ancient, haunted by the sea and the lingering ghosts of twisted puritan ideology. his fucked up towns are the dark hidden backwoods, the port towns, the wretched things brought by settlers who have been a parasite upon the woods and the rocks and the fields for hundreds of years, etc, the feeling that something has gone wrong and perverted here and it's far too late to fix it.

so like, tl;dr-- don't try and make somewherw generically weird. figure out what place makes YOU go crazy go stupid. pinpoint Why it specifically makes u go crazy go stupid, as opposed to everywhere else. crank that shit up to 100!!!!

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen,

I hope this finds you well. I’m sixteen and I’m seeking advice. I am mostly feminine, but in the last year I’ve become increasingly uncomfortable with that, which has given me a sense of whiplash. I’ll be perfectly fine wearing a skirt and revealing top one moment, and then feel like I want to jump out of my skin the next. I know it’s normal to not have all the answers at my age, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating.

I live in a progressive city and was raised in a relatively accepting home, but I still struggle with my identity and have a hard time feeling comfortable with the word “gay.” I’m out to a few friends (some straight and some LGBT), but I still feel so alone. This, of course, makes me feel awful, because I recognize what a privileged situation I am in compared to a lot of lesbians, and I feel as though I “should” be more accepting of myself, i.e. I end up feeling guilty because I feel bad. Plus I’m all jumbled up about masculinity vs feminity… the point is, I could really use some advice from an older lesbian. I don’t know any of those in real life (actually, now that I think about it, I’m not sure that I know *any* lesbians at all in my personal life, which is pretty sad), and that makes it hard to envision any type of future for myself.

Thank you for your thoughts <3

It always makes me sad to read that young lesbians don't know any older ones in real life because I remember how isolating that felt. It was definitely one of the reasons I struggled so hard to be even just neutral about my sexuality and why I misunderstood being butch for so many years.

The butch/femme and masc/feminine discourse has gotten a bit out of control in large part due to the internet and social media. If you don't have real life intergenerational connections it can feel like ALL lesbians are on one side or the other of a very black and white line and that is just not the reality of real life.

I would say the majority of lesbians are "garden variety" or in the "comfy" zone of neither butch nor femme or neither masc or feminine. Just women who are lesbians and exist on the human level of having characteristics that are both stereotypical and non stereotypical as far as what culture assigns to us based on sex. Even butches and femmes do no necessarily check all the “boxes” the world thinks we should. 

My lesbians friends who are not butch or femme are comfortable in a wide range of clothing and hair cuts and it just depends on what suits them at the moment. Once we get a little experience under our belts out in the world we seem to learn to wear what is both comfortable and utilitarian without worrying about the perception of the outside world. When it comes to dressing up for an occasion like a date or an event I wear what makes ME feel best and while still balancing that with what I think women might find me attractive in.  I think it is a normal, common thought process shared with most other humans. We can choose what makes us feel good and still want to look good for others, especially other women. 

 I can assure you that, all jokes aside, no one can take your lesbian card for clothing choices, hair cuts or any other aesthetics. Your sexual orientation is what makes you a lesbian. Everything else is just being human.  Don’t mistake the community or experiences you might share (or not share) with other lesbians as a requirement of your lesbianism. Those are perks but not necessary. 

If you were sitting in your lawn chair by a fire pit with a variety of other lesbians you would hear many stories about how we struggled with being okay with our sexual orientation and it is not necessarily dependent on any support or lack thereof that we received. While an aggressively negative or anti homosexual home life, family or religious background can certainly make accepting ourselves much harder, even those of us whose family and friends were neutral or supportive had internal obstacles to overcome. 

Few humans are free from the affects of the outside world, even before social media. In my youth, movies, tv, magazine and my peer group all had some backwards ideas about what being a lesbian is and applied incorrect moral ideals to it.   I had to put in the work myself for many years to come to terms with being same sex attracted in a world that attached negativity to such relationships. Once I had lesbian friends, especially older ones I saw hope in my future. 

You are okay just as you are. Your personality, aesthetic choices and hobbies do not have any affect on your sexual attraction and orientation so be you, enjoy what you like and be honest with yourself about what kind of woman you want to love and be loved by. 

I hope you find some lesbian friends of many ages. In the meantime my tiktok might help you see that lesbian life can be full of happiness, friendships and variety. 

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/728233881369739264/the-aroace-anon-makes-me-sad-and-shows-how-fucked?source=share

I apologize in advance but this ask ticked me off, so to vent I'm going to rant about it in your ask box (I think you get a lot of that lol)

I have no idea what post OP is responding to but from context I assume that a person of the aroace persuasion doesn't feel welcome in their own identity because how vocal sex positive aces are. That must really suck and I think they need to talk to ace people in real life because I'm willing to bet the only thing that are seeing is internet wank.

I really feel for them but the unfortunate reality is that when an ace person explains that they have had sex, or is having sex, had sex once enjoyed it or is in a relationship that has sex in it, allosexual (people who experience sexual attraction) immediately go and invalidate our identity. They go "Oh you've had sex so obviously you're not ace you're het or you're gay etc." That invalidation makes the sex positive portion of the ace spectrum mad. Because we are actively being told we don't fit in our label (Which ironically, is exactly what OP is doing by saying that the label wasn't made for us)

I like sex but I have no desire to have it. People don't rev my engine (I don't even do what the hell this means lol, can you tell I'm ace?) This means so I don't feel sexual attraction which is the exactly definition that OP is using for asexuality. My having to explain this and the frequency in which I have to explain this that means that I am louder than the asexuals who don't have to explain. And presto, by the nature of the internet, it means that I'm what you find when you go look for asexual representation on the internet.

I also take issue with the definition this OP has for sex repulsion. If enjoying sex as an ace person is one side of the spectrum. Not wanting and/or enjoying sex is the middle of the spectrum.

If your sex repulsed you are at the other end of the spectrum. Implying that sex repulsed people are traumatized and need therapy is a misrepresentation at best. It's just another micro label ace people use to get across their experiences. All that label implies is that you have a strong aversion to sex. That could be due to you finding sex objectively disgusting or due to past trauma. There could be a million other reason to identify as sex repulsed.

What sex repulsion does not imply is that there is something wrong with you for not wanting sex and you need to go to therapy to fix it.

It's like getting into a car crash and never wanting to drive again. There may be some impact on your lifestyle but it's not the end of the world. Having some sort of sexual trauma happen to you and never wanting sex again is a valid reaction and never getting over that is okay. It absolutely doesn't invalidate identifying as asexual.

Point in fact asexuality has always been an identity that people want to wish away with medical intervention. We say we don't feel any sexual attraction and they say you should see a doctor about that, you must be depressed. Of course there is something wrong with you if you don't want sex, everyone likes sex.

You're sex repulsed?? You should have therapy about that. This kind of medical rhetoric happens all the time because our society puts emphasis sex in relationships. A healthy sex life equals a healthy relationships which is absolutely not how it works. Thus you are defective if you don't want sex but especially if there is a reason you don't want sex.

Sex repulsed is a label real asexual people actually use to identify themselves. And OP should not judge other people for what labels they use because OP doesn't like "implications" of the word repulsed. I realise that OP is coming from a position of sympathy here and that aro/ace person absolutely should not have to use a label that they don't identity with but the reasons that OP states aren't valid.

I absolutely agree some people don't have any experience with sex and when they get it they will realise that they weren't ace after all. That doesn't invalidate thinking they were ace at the time. Sometimes a label doesn't work out long term. The amount of stories I've heard from people that used to be ace but figured out that they actually just don't like guys or girls. Or they like sex fine they just don't like the romantic part. Asexuality is frequently a stopping block for people until they find an identity that better suits them. That's just part of ace culture too.

So in summary get off my lawn OP you don't know what your talking about. Sympathizing isn't enough. Try looking up ace Mirco labels and see how many different ways there are to be ace in either direction.

--

Scroll back.

[black-arcana]

BATTLE BEAST's NOORA LOUHIMO Shares Message In Support Of Pride Month

BATTLE BEAST's Noora Louhimo has shared a message in support of LGBTQ+ Pride Month. Taking place in June, Pride Month is a time when the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community, their supporters, and allies come together to celebrate love, diversity, acceptance, and unashamed self-pride.

On Saturday (June 1),Noora took to her Instagram to write: "WONDERFUL PRIDE month for LBTGQ+ communities and everyone who agrees for equal love, self and sexuality. I hope that one day we could live in a world where equality would be the norm in all communities.

"As a woman, I unfortunately still face unequal treatment and a certain kind of sexism seems to be built into people's core behavior (which comes from home education) and some don't even realize they are sexist. Also women towards other women and themselves. For example, it is really sad to see/hear women criticizing other women and their sexual expression or showy appearance/dressing. EVERYONE'S OWN LOOK has been the only way for women to express themselves and their own values since time immemorial. The cloak of shame was not invented by women. But unfortunately, instead of encouraging self-expression, we bark and be mean. What one says about another comes from how you see yourself and your own fear.

"Let's take off those cloaks of shame and burn them at the stake. Let's be on each other's side. Let's be on the side of those who need it. Let's jump into other people's shoes and understand that equal treatment is not an everyday life for everyone, but a struggle for it every day.

"The fact that I dress the way I want, demand respectful and equal treatment, am strong-willed, ambitious and determined, speak up for others and myself does not make me a 'bitch'. Crying, talking about my feelings/thoughts and being emotional to everyone doesn't make me weak. It makes me strong and happy when I am openly myself. At the same time, I want to encourage and support others to do the same.

"THIS IS WHY I HAVE THE BATTLE VITCH HORNS OF COURAGE. And I will always continue to fight for equality. In this world, evil is putting oneself above others, narrow realities and being greedy.

"I hope that I can have at least a little influence on how people treat each other with my own example.

"LOVE AND PEACE AND PRIDE

"#pride #equality #humanity #goodvalues #selfesteem #thecloakofshame #proudtobeme #proudofyou"

Louhimo revealed in November that she had been diagnosed with a ruptured left carotid artery, causing the postponement the band's tour. The 35-year-old Finnish musician has since said in an interview that she has "definitely started doing more warm-up before any singing and warming down and taking care of my overall health even more than before." She added: "I really appreciate life more now. I'm thankful for each and every day and every moment that I get to live, I get to love, I get to see. I get to see people. I get to be with my loved ones and with my animals here at home. And now I get to tour in the places that I've always dreamed of. And it's not something that you should take [for] granted."

When Louhimo first revealed her diagnosis seven months ago, she wrote on her social media: "I went to be examined because of a weird pain in the left side of my neck, throat, ear and chin. At ultrasound examination the doctor found the rupture that had already started healing, and he saved my life. I was hospitalized for more exams and finally got confirmation of the situation. I was ordered to have a break on everything that might stress or increase my blood pressure for the next month. Otherwise, I could have a stroke. As you know how passionate I am as a singer and performer, the blood pressure getting high is a guarantee. So, I did not want to take the risk to die with my boots on, not quite yet".

Louhimo joined BATTLE BEAST in 2012 with no previous experience as a metal vocalist but quickly acclimated herself as the replacement for Nitte Valo (a.k.a. Nitte Vänskä).

Less than two years ago, Noora, who in 2021 released her debut solo album, "Eternal Wheel Of Time And Space", under the NOORA LOUHIMO EXPERIENCE banner, admitted publicly that she had been struggling with eating disorders and her weight since she was "a little child" and said that she was "still trying to find a balance." She added that she had "been depressed and anxious sometimes 'without a reason'."

[offorestsongs]

OC INTRODUCTION ➸ LYSANDER

Diversity win! The Ramshackle Prefect is a sad gay! For someone whose sudden arrival caused so much ruckus and who always seems to be where trouble is, Lysander is a very unassuming person. He usually stays on the sidelines and doesn't talk much unless spoken to. While he may seem quite cold and distanced at first, in reality he's desperately lonely and lacks confidence. Growing up isolated and without much contact with people his age left him without the necessery social skills; he doesn't know how to start conversations or make friends and second-guesses his every word. In turn, he laches onto every person who is willing to spend time with him. Kind, soft-hearted, always willing to believe in the goodness of others and also, sadly, a pathological people pleaser and a bit of a pushover. Wants to make everyone feel good and help them in any way he can while going to great lenghts to avoid asking others for help. Tries to be as independent as possible as he doesn't think his accomplishments are worth anything if he can't do it himself. A stressed overthinker who often lets anxiety get the best of him. Mostly hangs out with the third years, as they're the closest to him in age and treats the first years like the younger brothers he never had. Part-time waits tables at Mostro Lounge.

BACKSTORY

Getting isekai-ed gave him partial-amnesia; he doesn't remember much of his life before coming to Twisted Wonderland, but the flashes he sometimes gets don't make him hurry to find his way back. He remembers living in a big old house somewhere on the countryside, similar to Ramshackle if a less run down. It had a big garden and Lysander remembers keeping chickens there and leaving out food for the local stray cats. He doesn't remember his parents, so he thinks they may have died while he was still very young. He knows he lived with his grandma, though he can't say when or for how long - he just knows that it was her who taught him how to sew and cook.

OTHER FACTS/TRIVIA

⚜ he not only loves gardening and keeping plants, but he's also prone to keeping A LOT of useless trinkets, which means he made Ramshackle look almost like Howl's room ⚜ actually loved doing all the renovations at Ramshackle since he doesn't like being bored and always finds himself this or that project to be busy with (that's also how he ended up working at Mostro Lounge) ⚜ is also very good at cooking and happily cooks for all of his friends ⚜ he's a trans man - he knew that from a pretty young age, but was never out, as he didn't want to upset his grandma, so you can imagine how excited he was, finding himself at an all-boys school ⚜ doesn't remember his last name or his birthday ⚜ his memory is just pretty bad over-all, and he actually keeps a little notebook that he brings everywhere so he can note down the important things people tell him ⚜ a BIG animal lover, especially when it comes to cats, he tries to befriend every stray cat he sees ⚜ always feels cold, which is why he tends to wear big, soft sweaters all the time

CARDS

SR Tsumsitter

FICS/WRITING

orange peel theory lilyarrow rambles

[sing-you-fools]

you mentioned your character sheet having the fields "what kind of story do they think they're in" and "what role do they think they're playing in it"

i think this is awesome!

what else is on your character sheet?

oh my gosh. i was in the middle of answering this when i went to check something and clicked a link without realizing it was a tumblr link. it's gone. and. well. i'm sure you were not expecting as MUCH answer as i was putting there, anyway, so maybe it's for the best.

my character and worldbuilding sheets have an unhinged level of detail, because i use them not as a "fill this whole thing out before you get started" tool but as an "organize the information you include and thoughts you have so you can reference them later" tool, because (1) audhd and (2) i'm hoping the book i'm working on is the first in a huge expansive world that i'll still be playing in when i'm 70.

the character sheet is broken down into Basics, Role in the Story, Appearance, Communication, Backstory, Family,* Relationships, Personality and Psychology, Just for Fun, and Other (which is just a spot for if i need it, it doesn’t have any questions or prompts). and each of those has a ton of questions (except Other, as established in the previous parenthetical aside).

it's hard to say what i have in there that's the most important, or my favorite, or whatever, because it all depends very much on the character's answer. for example, most of my characters don't think they're in a story at all, they would say "this is my real life what are you talking about i'm not playing a role i'm trying to get to tomorrow," which means the questions you mentioned aren't all that fun for them, but they become very fun for a couple i'm writing, because Nat thinks he's living his best gay musical romcom life and Zari is convinced down to his bones that he's a lead in a deeply tragic romance - in reality, they're more like Merry and Pippin, and if they'd stop for a brief reality check maybe they'd reconsider picking up the Palantir.

these questions fall under "Role in the Story," which also contains fun gems like: personal goal, interpersonal goal, and team goals, because i get annoyed at character sheets that act like people just have one goal. and the full list of D&D skills and sets, even though i've never played D&D, because they seem useful. it also has "how much do they know about what's happening?" and "are they having a good time?" as some more example questions.

i have a lot in the sheet that would probably seem repetitive, but having similar questions in different categories means i think about them differently. i have "health" under Basics, for example, and that means if someone's using a cane it'll probably get mentioned there. but i also have "medical devices and mobility aids" under Appearance, because it tells me one thing that House has a bad leg because of muscle death and uses a cane, and another thing that the cane has flames up it and a skull handle and he uses it wrong. (if i'm misremembering House's cane please don't come for me it's been over a decade since i saw an episode of that show he's just still the most recognizable character i could think of with a mobility aid which is kind of sad)

possibly my favorite part of my character builder is this:

a cartoon by Tom Gauld (@myjetpack). it's right in the middle of my "personality and psychology" section. it's important for me to define what my characters do and don't know about because otherwise i end up with them knowing everything, and that's so boring. this comic just perfectly broke it down for my brain, so i plopped it in.

and a lot of my favorite questions focus on the contradictions and tensions and perception gaps inherent in being a person. what do they hate about the people they love, or love about the people they hate? what do they bring to their relationships, and what do they think they bring? what do strangers/authority figures/children/etc think of them, and what do they think people think of them? what's their biggest flaw and what do they think is their biggest flaw?

i could honestly go on forever about these; in fact i think this is still shorter than my answer that got deleted. so i'm going to cut myself off, but i'm happy to share more about them, and someday i may even post them for anyone else who might want them. i want to use them a bit first, though, to see what can be fine-tuned. in addition to character sheets, i've got sheets for Setting, Species, Religion, Nation, Magic System, Subculture (any group smaller than religion/nation/species that might have its own culture), and Scene (less worldbuilding, more to keep the details and goal of a scene straight in my own head, but still). these are all significantly less detailed than the Character one, but significantly more detailed than any one site i could find included when i was searching. and all my sheets, questions and prompts are gathered and compiled from all over the internet; i would not be able to provide sources because i did not bother to record them.

[ihopesocomic]

[Wall of possible spelling errors, my pride related]

I think the reason why people include homophonia, biphobia, acephobia etc. in content that's supposed to be about LGBT characters is to convey a form of empowerment.

Like "despite their homophobic parents X was finally able to come out and get with Z, and they've found friends that accept them" in that example it's showing preserverance it's creating a sense of hope for LGBT people still in the closet.

But then there's cases with TOO much homophobia in LGBT content, yes there are ofc sad stories that aren't supposed to end well and people watch them at their own risk. BUT this isn't the case for our lovely example MY PRIDE (I know it's referencing a lion pride but something's telling me it meant LGBTQ pride too)

I know the wlw romance isn't the 'main story' per say of My Pride, but it's the part most people talk about/ got advertised and it still takes up a large chunck of the plot.

But you see the problem is most of that plot chunk is taken up by everyone crapping on our LGBT characters. I cannot find a single supportive moment in this show where it's like "hey nothing it's okay to find other lionesses hot". The characters that are supposed to representing us get nothing but crap after crap, so any sense of empowerment they were trying to convey is killed because there's no satisfying end.

But that's just my take on it.

You are absolutely right, it was never a point of conflict for either of the characters. Like. Ever. The only time homophobia was ever a "problem" was when Proudmane said something all the way in episode 7, and even then there was no consequences for it. I will however argue against Hover or Nothing being treated badly for being gay in any capacity tho. Nothing was always ridiculed for being physically disabled. And Hover was sort of antagonized for being prideless, but that was never a personal conflict for her. And the way the two of them got together told me their love was only forbidden because Hover wasn't in the pride, not because they were the same sex. There was no context clues for homophobia being a thing and I presented plenty of times they could've included it in our review. Hell even Powerstrike was like "We don't kill our gays anymore" like what was the point then? Oh there wasn't one. You just happened to be taken over by the one Pride Law fanatic on the entire continent. Because "drama" I guess.

Just to point out to others tho, no one here argued against the existence of queerphobia in media. It has its purposes, like people recounting their own experiences, and making meaningful social commentary on it, but in most cases I've seen its about telling cishet people to not be queerphobic. Which. Sure one could argue that's a good use for it. I don't feel that way about it tho. More often than not, queerphobia exists in media that doesn't actually give a fuck about it and is just used because it's "expected" to be there, regardless of context, tone, messaging, etc.

Or my favorite argument in the case of My Pride is "it's irresponsible to not include it". Like that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. MP can't even take responsibility of its own trigger warnings, and they want to be judgmental about media that chooses to not include queerphobia? What, are people gonna /forget/ that queerphobia exists? Should people be told "Fuck you, that's reality, bitch" when they don't really wanna see it everywhere they look, cuz they already do? Give me a break. Maybe deconstruct why you think the existence of a queer person justifies the inclusion of discrimination. You can ask this same question about anyone tbh.

People just quite frankly don't know what to do with homophobia in fantasy, they just think it makes for decent plot elements, and to that I say "you're boring" and "Maybe take a creative writing course." It's especially egregious in MP because the homophobia in MP is as shoehorned in as the queer romance. (And Moonstrike's existence just creates a whole mess of questions the show has no intensions of ever answering.)

Like maybe the show didn't include any previous mention of homophobia within prides because it was never intended to be there in the first place. That would be MY guess. It would make sense since Nothing and Hover's failed Romeo and Juliet plotline is abandoned about as quickly as they get together, and served about as much purpose as genderbending the mouse in live-action Cinderella.

We've said this before, MP was stronger with the initial plotline, and including homophobia just made it unnecessarily complicated and stupid, especially since there was quite literally no consequences for it. Call me old fashioned, but discrimination in writing should have a point. - Cat

[kensingtonmarketstall]

Wow I don't remember what I said. Sad, gay, sweet

This might have been sent four (4) years ago, I'm not quite sure. I took a break from writing for Queen for a while, but I'm back and hotter than ever. This is sad and it's gay, but I think I missed the mark on sweet. I think I missed the mark pretty wide lol. Bittersweet, maybe. Definitely.

CW for alcohol use and some post-breakup self-flagellation

---

It just doesn’t seem fair, Freddie thinks, staring into his glass. The ice is melting, watering down his drink. Also unfair, although he supposes it’s no one’s fault but his own for not drinking it faster.

The volume inside the bar is almost loud enough to keep his thoughts from spiraling, but his penchant for self-pity is nothing if not determined. Maybe it is a bit pathetic to have sequestered himself in a corner of the bar, but it isn’t for lack of trying on Freddie’s part. Roger is out on his Monthly Date Weekend with Dominique, Phoebe has to work, and Peter is god knows where doing god knows what. Fuck Paul.

If he hadn’t broken up with David, he wouldn’t be sitting alone drowning himself in vodka tonics. But then again… if he hadn’t broken up with David, he wouldn’t be sitting alone drowning himself in vodka tonics.

What a genuine nightmare that had been. He’s embarrassed about how that went down, how the semi-public Crash And Burn of it all surely reflects poorly on his inability to maintain any sort of romantic relationship. Everyone who knew about them saw that coming—they said as much to his face. It’s not as reassuring as they might think it is, being told that your relationship is clearly headed for the end and there’s not a damn thing you can do to stop it. In reality, the sheer fact that you are involved has almost certainly sealed its fate.

Freddie brings his glass back up to his mouth, catching an ice chip on this sip of a drink that doesn’t even taste particularly good anymore but that he can’t bring himself to waste. He bites down, focusing hard on the sharp sting of cold against his teeth. It doesn’t feel nice, the deep ache down through his jaw, but at least it feels like something other than sadness.

Fuck it, what is he even sad for? David was a bit of a prick. More than a bit. He had a monstrous personality and even all of Freddie’s sparkling redeemable qualities couldn’t counteract that. He’s better off without David. Plenty of people have told him that too. He doesn’t know if he actually believes it quite yet. How can it be possible that the more favorable outcome is to exist alone rather than be with someone even if they only sort of give a shit about you?

Even watered down, the vodka burns his throat as he swallows and his eyes water. It’s a shitty bottom shelf vodka serving its purpose for the evening. The bartender must not have added enough tonic water.

He’s being uncharitable… David wasn’t all that bad. Not all the time. Freddie wouldn’t have dated him to begin with if he’d been a complete shitbag.

Despite what others may say, he does have some standards and they aren’t that low.

Sometimes, though (like right now), Freddie thinks that the bar was on the ground and David had gotten out a shovel.

At least he was willing to put in the effort to dig. Not everyone is so loyal.

[animebw]

I think episode 8 of Yuri Kuma Arashi is kind of the perfect example of the issues I’m having with this show. Because on the surface, all the symbolism and commentary are spot fucking on.

I’ve danced around it a bit in my posts, but to me, YKA is very clearly commenting on the “pure yuri” genre, as it’s sometimes known. To simplify for time, it’s a certain attitude that goes into writing yuri stories where the girls are shut off from the real world. They don’t read like actual lesbians living full lives, they come off as porcelain dolls kept safe and pristine in their little doll houses. It’s an infantilizing strain of writing that doesn’t really care about portraying queer experiences as much as it cares about selling fluffy fantasies of surface-level cute gayness, separated from the reality of what it actually means to be gay in today’s world.

To be clear, I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with queer escapist fantasy like that. God knows us LGBTQs could use a few perfectly happy stories where we don’t have to think about how much the real world sucks for us. But there’s a certain point where it feels like a lot of yuri stories aren’t written to actually speak to a genuine lesbian experience, but just to present a safe, non-threatening plastic approximation of it to make it more palatable to hetero consumers. Trapping queerness in an unbreakable bubble where it can play out in harmless separation from the real world, a greenhouse full of beautiful flowers that can’t survive outside its walls. No need to think about gay people’s place in “normal” society, either from the perspective of a gay person trying to navigate it or a straight person trying to understand and empathize with their struggles. And I say this as someone who’s loved plenty of fluffy yuri stories: it’s not healthy for so much of the genre to be dominated by that stuff.

So theoretically, I should be really receptive to what YKA is doing. A vicious deconstruction of the harmful expectations that the pure yuri genre places on actual queer people? How it boxes in their experiences and stunts their humanity by reducing it to a harmless, commodified product? With a main villain who was explicitly broken by being locked one such box until she began to see herself as filthy for every minor misstep and grew obsessed with trapping all girls like her in those boxes too, scared the world wold break them as badly as it broke her? I should be so on board for that. That’s exactly the kind of commentary I should be foaming at the mouth over.

The problem is that the show serving that commentary just isn’t very interesting on its own terms.

Like, do I understand the point of Yurika’s role as antagonist? Sure. Do I get the importance of the metaphors that drive Kureha to try and kill Ginko? Absolutely. Do either of those things make me care about them on a deep, personal level? No. Because the sad truth it, these characters are not interesting outside their place in the metanarrative. Strip away the commentary these characters exist to serve and there’s basically nothing left. You can watch Utena without a master’s thesis in feminist theory and still care about Utena trying to save Anthy from her shackles. You can watch Sarazanmai without a PhD in child psychology and still have a blast with the kids’ struggles for connection. You can even watch Penguindrum, confusing mess though it may be at times, and care about Kanba, Shu and Himari even when you don’t understand exactly why things happen the way they do. But you cannot watch and enjoy Yuri Kuma Arashi unless you care more about the overarching metaphors and message of a story than the story itself. If anything, it reminds me less of any other Ikuhara show and more of the similarly meta-narrative heavy Re:Creators: a very good message that I definitely agree with, but man does the story conveying that message not measure up on its own.

[packedandstrapped]

can u give me ideas on how to come out? i’m 22 and known i was a lesbian since i was around 14-15 and have been too scared to come out because of my parents. i value what my parents say and ik they aren’t going to accept me so when i come out to them, they’re gonna say they disown me and kick me out or some other shit, but it’s gonna make me spiral into a depression (haha). but i can’t keep living a lie man living like this is hard especially when my parents keep trying to set me up with men. when i was in highschool, i tried so hard to give them hints i didn’t like men, i never dated them, never talked about them, hell even begged my mom to wear a suit to prom, but she told me it was “un lady like” and made me wear a dress. i just love my family so much and i don’t want them to hate me but living this lie has made me hate myself. no matter what i do it’s a lose lose situation. this has caused me so many problems. i literally use to have an eating disorder because of how much anxiety of my parents finding out i was gay would give me. i’ve tried to convince my self to like men and i just can’t. i feel like something is so so wrong with me and i can’t. it makes me not wanna live anymore i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. i know this is lowkey cringy to be telling someone all this, but i just really really need advice on this because i just can’t keep living everyday a lie.

Hey friend- please feel free to DM off anon if you want to talk. I will chat with you about this stuff literally any time.

There's nothing wrong with who you are. Your message feels like something I could have written at 19-20 years old. When you said you value what your parents say, I felt that in my core. I want to be able tell you that everyone comes around and they'll totally understand and accept you. But sometimes it's not that way. And the people that claim to love us the most can only give that love when we fit into the box they've created for us. This might sound hokey, but reading The Four Agreements really helped me identify the space between my parents ideas and my own. I will send you a copy if you're interested in reading.

It's no wonder that you're experiencing so much anxiety and worry about coming out. For a lot of us, coming out as gay to our parents is the first time we truly see them disappointed in us. There's a crushing weight to our parents thinking we're actively trying to hurt them by living our lives authentically. I hope that's not the case for you.

If I could do it all over again, I would journal about it for a few days. I'd practice the important phrases I want to get out. I would focus on the simple message I wanted to send rather than trying to navigate their feelings. I would try to think about the various reactions I might get and have one or two general ideas of how I could respond neutrally. And despite all of this, I'm sad to say even though I would have felt more in control, I'd still be just as wounded coming out of it. I understand the fear you have in disappointing your parents because it's been a reality for me for almost twenty years. They've never let up on reminding me that while they're proud of my accomplishments, it's despite my otherness rather than a celebration of what a queer person can do. They refuse to use the word "wedding" or "wife" and they give us a room with two twin beds when we go to visit. The microaggressions never cease. What's changed now is how much of myself I let them see. Now it's about what makes me comfortable instead of existing around them in a box that never fit right. It's still hard- I regularly grieve the relationship I wish I had with my parents. But as I've aged, I've realized that my friends are my family. They are they ones that have been there and show up for me unconditionally. They're the ones I have turned to when I needed a place to stay, a job, or a listening ear. They get it.

I don't know how you feel most comfortable communicating with your parents, but think about what it would look like to say the words out loud or in a text. Try not to feel bad about telling them this information. You are being truthful and honest and that's what is important. You are giving them the gift of seeing you for who you really are; to celebrate you in the way you want to be seen in this world. Don't worry about doing it the wrong way because sometimes there just isn't a defined right way. I know it's scary but the sooner you get it off your chest, the sooner you can fall into the comfort of your real self.

Come back or DM me if you need anything, friend. We need you here.