#but the rest of this part of the tutorial series is gonna have to wait

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Month 6, day 18

(╯°□°）╯OBJECTS!!!!

I'm not even done. I still have stuff to do to that cylinder to make it look like a slightly melted candle. I've been at this for five hours. The course said it would take three ;-; I am WIPED. OUT. XD

[angeli-marco-writes]

Harry Holland - Polaroids

A/N & WC - I do not know Harry or the other people mentioned in this fic, nor do I claim to; this is a work of fiction. 3.9k.

Warnings - Swearing, mention of food, smut: depictions of oral (m+f rec), penetrative sex, use of toys, bondage & bdsm, photos being taken in the act, mild exhibitionism and definite voyeurism (not Harry or reader) 18+.

Summary - You and Harry have an exciting intimate life to say the least, and he rather enjoys taking photos of the two of you in compromising positions. However, in his sex-addled mind, one vital fact is let slip when he allows Sam into his room unsupervised.

“BUD, WHERE ARE THOSE PHOTOS you took of my food the other day?” Sam asks.

The sizzling of pancakes overlaps the conversation, and you mussing up Harry’s hair distracts him, his attention drawn to more important matters than his brother. Harry barely swallows his giant mouthful of food before speaking.

“By my bed there’s a huge pile, they’ll be somewhere,” he answers flippantly.

Flippantly.

Usually so cautious and so organised Harry lets one thing slip his mind for five seconds, and his life is going to fall through the cracks. His reputation will be utterly destroyed. Just with his brother, but it still stands. Sam is… more innocent than Harry has ever been. And Sam will also tell the others, and likely their friends…

“Remembered something, baby?” you muse sardonically from beside him, your hand halting its movements as you cup his jaw, turning him to face you.

The second his green eyes meet yours, you watch the world crumble in his eyes. You’ve never seen him scramble up from his seat so quickly. His bare feet slap on the tiled floor violently, thudding sounds echoing through the house as he blunders around, swinging around the banister with the force and elegance of an elephant.

“Sam! FUCK— Wait!”

“Don’t look in that pile of photos,” you add in a feeble shout.

It’s not like what Sam’ll find there is any secret. You’ve been together a long time, you and Harry, and everyone knows full well that you’re shagging, but that doesn’t mean you necessarily want them to know exactly what happens in the bedroom, in your most intimate, secret moments together. That’s sacred, even if it seems like sacrilege to so many.

No matter how quickly you hear Harry legging it upstairs, his lean legs carrying him up the stairs perhaps three at a time, his curly hair even more unruly than before from the exertion, you know he won’t be fast enough, and that Sam is an insolent bastard when he wants to be. You’ve lived with them all long enough and have had more than your fair share of near misses: no chance will you not be found out, this time you’ll be caught. Better than the alternative and the other times, you suppose, as you cram one more syrup-drizzled and strawberry-covered pancake into your gob, reluctantly trudging your way upstairs to the hive of fun.

It’s chaos by the time you get there. Dozens of artfully-taken photos spilled out onto your duvet, Harry’s freckled face paler than you’ve ever seen it, his hands tugging at his pyjama shirt convulsively while Sam stands on the other side of the room, his dark eyes wide, his expression agog, his jaw unhinged, staring blankly and pointing at whatever the most incriminating thing is he sees next. You just hope he doesn’t go ferreting through your drawers, because then you’ll really be in trouble.

“What… the fuck.”

You come up to Harry’s side, and wrap an arm around his slim waist, lending a weak, “Surprise?”

It’s their fault if they haven’t guessed, frankly.

You can’t draw your eyes away from the pictures, so many of them, all displaying different aspects of your sex life at varying degrees of explicitness. You can even recount the minutes and hours of pleasure that led to the photos, each occasion etched into your mind. Sure, you and Harry go at it a lot, but you don’t always go the extra mile, hence why these commemorative photos of your special nights are so treasured. And private. Or, were.

The first one… oh boy, that takes you back to the most far-out, extreme experiment you tried—the most recent, as well: just this past weekend. You’re still covered in rope burn from it, though that could’ve been prevented if you hadn’t writhed or wriggled about so much while in those bonds. The amount of attempts it took, the sheer number of YouTube tutorials you had to watch, but it was definitely worth it. The intricate patterns the ropes formed all across your body, creating braids down your back, suspending you prone with little movement in your arms or legs. It was heaven to have Harry tugging on the ropes, contorting you into new and wonderful positions for his own delightful access to all of you. Perhaps it’s not something you’ll gravitate towards again, but it was fun while it lasted, and it’s another thing to tick off your list of fun, kinky bedroom experiments to try. To be fair, even though the swathes of soft, rose-coloured rope, intricately woven around you were a lot, you certainly wouldn’t be averse to trying something else with rope. Less shibari, perhaps just normal levels of bondage. You can feel the skin on your arms prickling with heat: Harry feels it too, winding his fingers into yours, holding on tight as he struggles to suppress a smirk.

The next set is interesting, and rather common. Harry’s freckled, ring-less hand is unmistakable in the dappled light as it grapples with the handle of a leather whip, or a paddle, even his belt, bringing them down harshly onto your ass cheeks, already reddened with hand prints, purple from bruises. In one of them, your skin is even glistening with his release, and another, your hands are suspended behind your back. Harry’s always been one for spanking, and the rest of them know it. Even before you were sleeping together he’d playfully smacked your bum, and he certainly hasn’t stopped even with the sexual connotations it now conveys between the two of you. As though he can read your mind, he snakes a hand down and pats you on the bum; his wink telling you it’s just for good measure. Cheeky shit.

One in the dead centre brings shivers throughout your body. Not because it wasn’t fun or pleasurable, but because of the way it made you feel afterwards. Yes, you’d talked through it in thorough details—as with everything the two of you do—how it made you feel going in, throughout, and you’d got a safe word sorted, but perhaps you hadn’t discussed all the long term risks of it. The pretty pink collar, the satin blindfold… The whole subservient thing is a big turn on for Harry, and you played into it, you always do and you naturally fall into a position of less power in your relationship because of the way you are, but being degraded in such a way isn’t for you. You can’t help but feel a sting of shame ricochet through your heart. Harry must feel it this considering how reactive he is: he leaps towards the bed and snatches it up, shredding it before your eyes, chucking it into the bin, and curling another protective arm around you.

“Look,” you whisper to Harry, turning his attention elsewhere as you point to the bottom few: your favourite photos of all.

Despite the disarray, they’re all together, and they remind you of an incredible night. Your anniversary, and what a special day it was. Butterflies swarm you at the sight of them again, but it feels strange for someone else to be looking at them. Not that you or Harry are exactly in a fit state to be proactive about preventative measures now Sam’s seen them all. His eyes bulge from his face, his mouth going dry as he swallows viciously, suddenly having to shift his already apparently tight shorts. Again.

“You’re so sexy in those, baby,” purrs Harry.

He’s damn right, you do look incredibly sexy. And though the first one in the chronological series is you mostly covered, you can remember how hard his dick was at the sight alone, salivating, clenching his fists to stop from ripping the lingerie from you piece by piece. You wanted to put on a show for him that day: who was he to deny you?

On top of your bra, panties and stockings was a nightgown, and above that, a dressing gown. Each image shows you in a further state of undress. It was a deep burgundy lace set of negligée with soft satin straps that pushed your boobs together, lifting them up, the lace hooked together with a single eyelet on your spine, whereas the panties, though half covering your cheeks with dustings of lace, hid nothing while they sat high on your hips, revealing your entire upper thigh where a matching satin garter sat with tiny lace bows. The entire thing cost a fortune. You forked out a damn arm and a leg for what you got, even with a discount included with a certain toy you bought.

First went the dressing gown, letting it fall from your shoulders, allowing it to pool around your feet as you showed off the skimpiness of the silk slip in a series of flourishing twirls, much to Harry’s delight. Next went the slip, and you honestly wish you’d taken a picture of his face utterly agog—as you stood there in stockings held up by garters, barely there panties and a push up bra. There’s one shot of his rough fingertips playing with the trim of the stockings delightedly, like a kid in a candy shop. Next went the feeble scrap of fabric that you dared to call a bra, barely covering your nipples, allowing your breasts free, spilling into Harry’s awaiting hand. You remember the next part vividly, because he was just about to peel the panties off when you laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“I’ve got a surprise for you, babe.” you cooed.

His twinkling eyes grew as wide as saucers, and you dared to card your fingers through his curls as you settled yourself over his lap, letting him keep his camera in one hand while leading the other down, down, a little further…

He’s never since made a sound quite like it, so visceral and animalistic, so ready to devour you, to come on sight. He’s never been as hard as he was in that instance.

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” he moaned, a deep groan released from him the second his fingers slipped through your folds to find dripping arousal all ready for him. “Just—wait a minute…”

You followed his every instruction for the next few moments, finding yourself standing up in a good lighting position, Harry strategically beneath you as he snapped a particularly incriminating (yet oh so sexy shot) of your bare pussy in crotchless panties. Harry’s never recovered. He’s already openly admitted that he uses those particular photos more than any others to get himself off whenever you’re away from him. However, the creases and folded corners of one particular photo can’t be blamed on him, since that’s the one you use when you're away, two of his fingers plunged knuckle-deep inside you in those exact panties, from that exact angle, desperately trying to replicate the irreplaceably pleasurable feeling of him within you. He took a good few more than had to be thrown away. Spillages are awfully unfortunate… He fucked you that night with the panties, stockings and garters still on. Twice. Then without the panties, then without the stockings, then nude at last at some ungodly hour of the morning when he took you at last as the sun rose. You didn’t sleep a wink.

There are more of you with lingerie on, nightgowns and matching sets, scraps of silk and strange one pieces that took you hours to get on, but they’re bound to make a sort of book, stowed away neatly (mercifully) beneath his bed.

Sam still hasn’t moved from his state of paralysed shock, and though you should probably clear the photos up from where they’re dumped, you feel a filthy swelling pride within your chest, a glean of risk as you watch Sam rove his eyes over some more, these all involving toys. If only he knew where you hid them. One his eyes focus on is you with a thick purple rubber dildo deep inside you, a rabbit vibrator stuck to your clit. Your body is but a blur, writhing around for Harry, your hands cuffed before you and not released no matter how much you moved. Harry wouldn’t let you stop coming for what felt like hours: it was the first time you squirted for him as a cry tore from your heaving chest, drenching the bed with your fifth orgasm of the night. Harry vowed he’d be the only one to make you squirt after that, no toys involved, and he’s stayed true to his word.

There’s a few more, and Sam seems to be furrowing his thick brows at the sight of the Polaroids. Glass wands, spreader bars, clit suctions (that admittedly look like they’d be used in a spa for a facial). Poor boy is being corrupted...

Good God, you need to get those toys out again.

With his twin's attention diverted, you snake your hand down the front of Baz’s shorts, wrapping your fingers around his already hard member through his boxers: he seems to be enjoying this as much as you are.

You point out one of your favourite pictures, a debauched mess that shouldn’t be viewed by anyone else, frankly. Harry was reluctant about hurting you or pushing you too far, but you begged to be gagged. You meant just by a tie, maybe his bandana—which features in many images in many different manners: as a bind for your hands, tying you to the bed, keeping your ankles together, even wrapped lightly around your neck, but never as a gag—but he went all out. When you got home, he was waiting in his room with a leather-bound ball gag.

“You begged, baby,” he said, and you couldn’t refute. You had begged, but this was above and beyond. You complied with his every wish that night, and though you’d do it again in a heartbeat, Harry wasn’t a fan of not being able to shove his fingers or cock down your throat at any given moment. He liked hearing your whines and moans and hushed curses, prayers of his name. He also liked hearing your bratty, belligerent rebuttals when he took on a dominant role. You enjoyed it more than a little, but only now can you see how much of a mess you were, messy hair and tears spouting from your eyes, drool down your chin...

Given the chance of the slightest spark of stimulation, you’ll be coming on the spot.

There’s a scattered pile of the two of you in just about every position under the sun, every shape in the karma sutra, fucking both inside and out, al fresco sex beneath the big oak in the garden, anyhow, anywhere and everywhere you could fuck safely and privately, you would, and you didn’t even realise Harry had snapped some of these shots after consenting to him taking them at any time. Your eyes squeezed shut as you peaked, Baz’s palm kneading your chest, your skirt hiked up around your stomach while your jaw was agape, your pussy exposed and glistening slick in the mirror, penetrated by Harry’s cock. That was a good day, mirror sex, and definitely something you’ll try again. This time with your own mirror... There are a few snapshots of oral, perfect Polaroids of Harry’s nose nuzzled into your pussy, his tongue deep in your core, his lips on your labia, all of them for your sake whenever he goes away.

“Gonna recreate that one tonight,” Harry husks, pointing towards one image in particular of you sucking him off.

His huge member down your throat, you’d trained yourself to breathe solely through your nose, but the neatly trimmed patch of hair there tickled your nostrils. Harry’s talent for photography reveals your doe eyes were red rimmed, saliva trickling from the corner of your mouth matching the mascara tracks down your cheeks. You’ve never looked so fucked out, and Harry couldn’t believe you remained in that innocent façade, rosy cheeks and a coy expression even with his dick rammed down your throat, making you gag.

However, the one you’d like to recreate is one he picks up on, surreptitiously moving a hand to your chest, his fingers hovering over your peaked nipple.

“Reckon we can go again the second Sam fucks off?”

“Yes,” he eagerly exhales.

You don’t blame him, especially not when both twins are staring at the same image of your tits, pushed together with Harry’s dick between them, fucking your chest despite the fact his come already painted your chest in hot white strips, a beautiful painting you’d always wish to frame. He certainly has an obsession with your boobs so there are a couple like that, his hands all over them, the tip of his member tapping them, but the debauched one is by far your favourite. Similarly, there’s one of you tied to the bed, completely spread eagle, his dick resting on your stomach while your belly is coated in his come once again.

It seems, however, that’s what snagged Sam’s attention and has his face a ghastly shade of grey because it's so pale, is the one photo Harry never wanted anyone to see. You leap and snatch it up in one fell swoop, and Harry draws you into a bear hug within his arms, kissing your temple affectionately in thanks as you stow it away for safekeeping. Though Harry naturally carries the more dominant title in your relationship, you always like to shake things up, hence why this photo (and a series of others he already has hidden) depict Harry as your submissive. You walked around as the picture perfect dominatrix in stilettos, carrying a whip while Harry lay there with his hands bound, a blindfold on in some photos (you took them so they’re not as great, but he still looks damn sexy) with a vibrating cock ring wrapped snugly around his girth. He’s never come so hard or so much after you finally removed it and cuffed his hands to the bedpost and began to ride him. You can still feel the warmth of him climaxing within you if you close your eyes and clench your thighs.

“I promise I’ll touch you later,” boy do you hope he sticks to that promise he whispers while nibbling on your earlobe, “but Sam’s coming out of his daze in 3... 2... 1...”

“OH MY GOD.”

“Okay, I didn’t see that coming,” he remarks breathily, hazel eyes wide as he pivots, met with two incredulous stares. Tom’s cry wakes Sam up right on cue.

“Harry! What the fuck?!” Sam demands, his voice a bellow, horror and disgust and... something unattainable just emanates from him. “Why do you have three porn mags worth of your girlfriend down here? That’s fucked, mate.”

“No it’s not. We just like to have photographic reminders of all our... sexcapades.”

Sam is, unsurprisingly, retching, now finally turning his head away from the pile without even bothering to pick up.

“This was cool until you called them sexcapades,” Tom chimes, smacking Harry upside the head as he swaggers over to the bed, fishing a few photos up before tossing them back down.

Sam's horrified attitude doesn’t seem to be spreading thankfully, but you and Harry are understandably rooted to the spot, stuck to the carpet, just biding your time until this is over. Then again, you can’t really tell, since no one is saying anything. You nor Harry want to be the ones to break the silence, though, and you can tell with the furtive and expressive stares you’re sharing that his anxiety is increasing the more people are seeing this.

Momentarily, you think someone may remark about your silent communication, your fixed glances and speechless conversation, but instead, Harrison comes up to you both, a sly smirk etched onto his pretty model face as he clasps a hand around one shoulder of yours and one of Harry’s.

“Harry Holland, you kinky fucker,” he praises.

You definitely feel a swell of pride at that. And the fact that Tom is trying desperately hard not to look at you while also trying to hide how flustered he is, somehow still abhorred by the sight. Harrison’s intrigue is palpable, gnawing on his lower lip as his lithe fingers trace you on the polaroid's, whereas Sam? He can’t decide whether to cry or scream. Harry huddles in closer and cuddles you, ensuring you feel every part of him, just how much he wants this lot to leave to finally have you at his mercy once more.

“So you two are shagging,” Tom observes.

You and Harry nod between kisses.

“Dangerously.”

You nod again, though this time a little reluctantly.

You expect Harry to nestle down with you again, but instead he detaches himself, unravelling his arms, and shoulders past Tom and Haz. He gives Sam a death glare as he piles up all the Polaroids and shoves them deep in a drawer for him to organise later, away from prying eyes and judgemental comments.

“Really, though?” Sam bursts out, flailing his arms before grasping Harry’s collar. “I thought you’d just handcuff her and give her a smack at most, very vanilla.”

As much as he tries to fight it, Harry’s face flushes bright red, leaving no visible distinction between his forehead and hairline. “I think those photos, erm, tell a different story.”

He rocks on the balls of his feet, tugging himself out of his brother's grasp, only to fall into another, saved by Harrison’s scowl at Tom.

“Can you lot bloody get out? Please? I’d like some alone time with my girlfriend after that sodding invasion.”

“If you’re having alone time, we’re leaving the house for a while,” Tom jokes, “how long?”

You smirk, striding over to meet Harry, eyes fixed on him as you press onto your tiptoes, wrapping your fingers around his shoulder before kissing his earlobe. He wilts into your touch.

“Two hours should be enough time. Scram.”

They do, gladly, and you slam the door shut as their scurrying footsteps down the stairs recede. Harry’s grip increases around your waist, a growl escaping him as he pushes you onto the bed. You gasp when your back hits the mattress, his lips instantly attacking your jaw.

“Which of those polaroid's do you wanna recreate first, baby?”

—

It’s hours later, and you're all around for your weekly dinner at the Holland house. You and Harry, having some ‘business’ to attend to before leaving the house, are the last to arrive, and Paddy, poor unfortunate Paddy, has the delightful job of letting you into the house.

“Sam asked me to give you this,” he says barely before you’ve entered the porch.

Harry’s face pales as he unravels the small piece of paper bundled into his hand by his younger brother, but you could swear all blood drains from him the second the words sink in.

‘You took them, you lost them, you collect them. What would mum and dad say, Harold?’

“Harry, what’s happening?”

“That utter wanker stole the polaroids as revenge for scarring him. He’s hidden them around the house. We have to find them before mum and dad go looking. You in for the ride?”

“Only if Haz can join us tonight,” you tease, and after calling a hello to Harry’s parents, you follow him around the house, detaching all the pinned photos.

Harry's learnt a solid lesson today: hide his damn Polaroids better from now on, away from the prying eyes of his bloody brothers. But, he thinks with a smirk, by no means will the two of you stop taking them.

[timextoxhajima]

Nevertheless: Wishful Thinking [3]

[completed] [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

synopsis: why would the college flirt want anything to do with the innocent heartbreaker? a [somewhat] nevertheless au featuring tbz's eric son young jae

genre [per chapter]: suggestive material, smut *this series is a smut series so* please don't read if you're uncomfy. if you're underaged and you still wanna read, i'm not stopping you. i don't care because that's your responsibility to know what's fiction and what's not.

word count: i genuinely don't fucking know i think it's at least 4k WHY THE FUCK IS IT GETTING LONG ERJSJSJSJDNAKD

taglist: @from-xero @taeyongandfree @ten-gift @louvyves @sweetutopia @yyyereum @jung-breadshop @sunwoowuvbot @mashedpotittiess

protip: links of BGM are linked~

{this is a work of fiction}

eric swipes his thumb across his bottom lip and drags his index finger over the tip of his nose, tongue still sucking on his teeth as if it hadn't already been a day.

he was sitting on the other side of the tutorial room and you just so happened sat in a spot where he was the first person in your view when you looked up.

stupid hexagonal tables.

the moisture in your mouth suddenly evaporates, leaving your tongue dry like sandpaper against the roof of your mouth.

the lustful blanket over his eyes threaten to rip your mentality apart, and even without him touching you, the heat in your abdomen starts to clench and throb.

the thought crosses your mind, just so you can convince yourself: if eric can associate himself with sex within your primal instincts then the brain that got you here can associate him with a big, fucking, red flag.

you suck in a deep breath and hold it for awhile, eyes plastered to the ipad under your palms. crossing your legs tightly, your jeans hug your hips and waist all too perfectly.

yujeong had smacked one of her baseball friends earlier that day for staring at your legs.

after the likes of wooseok's party and the incident yesterday, you made it an effort not to show up in dresses or skirts anymore. call it ptsd, call it trauma, call it not wanting to get into trouble.

whatever it was, you didn't want eric anywhere near you.

well, despite how good he mad-

"can you stop eye-fucking him from across the room?" yujeong harshly whispers at you, glaring at you from the corner of her eyes.

"what?" throwing your tied-up hair to your other shoulder, you tilt your face to her.

"what do you mean 'what'?" yujeong hisses, nodding to the boy across the room. "y'all are fucking in your heads!"

"yes, broadcast it to the entire class, would you, please?" the sarcasm drips off your tongue with a frown.

"I'm just saying if you want him so bad then just go get a room. fucks' sake, go find a practice room or something."

"i think I'll go with 'or something'."

and in that second, your iPad lights up with a notification from the school email account.

yujeong parts her lips with a retort, but you quickly shush her by pressing a finger to your lips when the professor seemed to glance over at the two of you.

she inhales a deep breath, spotting the notification pop up on her laptop screen too.

to: all students

from: the college union

title: dance union winter getaway

dear students,

every year, more than 200 students apply for the dance union but only 20 are accepted. thus, it is of high regard that the members of the dance union utilise the annual winter getaway to bond.

this year's event will be held at lake white. all students in the dance union with leadership positions are expected to be present and those with valid reasons of absence are required to fill up the form attached to this email.

if you're interested in joining the dance union, please apply in the first week of the new academic year. applications open first week of the semester.

regards,

the student union

staring wide-eyed at the email with your apple pencil trembling in your fingers, you gulp.

fuck.

yujeong's lowly snicker sounds from next to you, and you look to her, only to watch a bright smile stretch across her face.

"what?" she snorts, tears in her eyes. "don't look at me. look at your captain."

your neck snaps to the boy across the room, who's got his phone lifted with the screen displaying the email page. he waves it around a little, raising a brow with a menacing shimmer flashing across his eyes.

your blood begins to boil without reason.

why were you suddenly stuck to him? it's like the planets and stars aligned just so he glue himself to you; so he could ruin your title and rip you apart, inch by inch.

your fists clench around the apple pencil, and you're only snapped out of your inner rage when the professor calls on you.

yujeong leans into the lockers with her books against her chest, mindlessly scrolling through her phone as you go on incessantly about the student union's decision to make it mandatory.

you swing the locker door so hard that it bounces off its limit and nearly comes back down onto your hands, but you stop it before it does.

"how does the fucking winter getaway improve our bonds?" you hurl a textbook into the locker. "it's not like we're gonna sit in a circle and sing hallelujah, right?"

"you went for that getaway last year-"

"yeah, and we did nothing besides getting shitfaced! fuck this stupid winter getaway."

"sis, say that any louder and your 'innocent heartbreaker' image is gonna change into something more like 'brutal heartbreaker'."

"don't fucking call me that," you hurl another book into your locker. "and why does everybody talk like that nowadays? 'say that any louder'? where was that from? a movie? a tiktok?"

"why are you so on edge?" yujeong pushes herself off the metal doors and frowns. "you've been on edge ever since wooseok's party."

"i am always on edge."

"what?" yujeong pulls her lips up into a slight wince as her eyes half into squints. "bullshit. what happened to your little 'innocent heartbr-"

"don't," you lift a finger, shutting your eyes and stopping her. "say another word."

yujeong raises both her brows, smirk plastered to her face as she readjusts her bag. "don't worry."

you look up at her, placing the last item in your locker.

"i don't have to."

"what?"

"so," then that godforsaken voice rings from behind you, and all your physical senses start to shut down one by one.

yujeong sees right past it, smirk turning into something less devious as she puffs her cheeks.

"about the winter getaway."

"i'll leave the two of you at it."

"what? no-"

"bye!"

"yujeong-"

she turns and strides off, short hair lathered around her neck. she waves with a bright grin, leaving you to back face the vicious heartbreaker.

you remain rooted to the ground, locker door wide open and bag slung around your right shoulder. eric waits until yujeong disappears down the hall, leaving a few other students within the vicinity to turn and stare at the two infamous dance captains.

eric walks to your side, reaching out and resting his palm on the outer edge of your locker.

"we're in open space," he smiles, gradually pushing the locker door inwards and closing it for you. then he rests his palm against the metal door, sandwiching you again. "there's not much i can do to you."

a few students turn to stare.

"unless you want me to."

"stop it."

"stop what?" he smirks and buckles his arms, forcing you to lay your back flat against the metal surface. "I'm not doing anything."

"then what are you doing now?" you frown and look up at him, knuckles whitening around your bag straps.

"having a conversation."

someone fishes a phone out, and the flashlight flickers.

eric whirls around, keeping his arm anchored to the locker.

"stand down, kid."

"sorry," he fumbles with the phone, and now you'll never know if he actually took a picture.

"anyway-"

"look, i don't know what kind of game you're playing but this isn't healthy for us if we are supposed to work together. especially with the winter getaway coming up."

eric licks his lips and lowers his head, smiling at the sudden cast of professionalism.

"it flatters me that you don't care too much about having fucked outside of wooseok's garage-"

"eric-"

"nor getting fucked out in the practice room-"

"eric-"

"or even the fact that you tied up your hair today-"

"i tie up my hair whenever i fucking want to."

"ooh," eric winces at the snap, his pearly whites glimmering under the lighting. "the 'innocent heartbreaker' is angry!"

"will you shut the fuck up?"

"aw," he coos, leaning into you and breathing down your philtrum. "make me."

your fists finally clench, jaws locked and temples tightened.

"I'll rip off your dick if you touch me again. now, back off."

you press your palms flat into his chest and shove him away, breaking him into light chuckles as he stumbles back.

you pull your bag back onto your shoulder, turning sharply and stomping off.

"hey! we still need to meet up to discuss the plans for lake white!"

the scent of half-painted canvases with acrylic paint washes through your nose when you enter your room.

it's definitely bigger than what a normal room should look like, but it's not your fault that both your parents work under Lee Enterprises, the country's telemarketing company.

the studio corner of your room is in a mess, and you're just halfway done painting the edges of your mirror.

which for specific reasons, you can't really look at it anymore.

the peculiar object you chose to decorate the glass surface hang idly on the corner of the frame, reflecting the afternoon sun spilling into the room.

eric son: so when do we discuss the plans for lake white?

eric son: i don't like to procrastinate

"'discuss the plans for lake white'," mumbling under your breath, you dump your bag into the corner of your room, huffing and resting your hands on your hips. "he's the damn captain, isn't he? he can do it on his own."

notification: acrylic paint to be delivered today

your phone automatically links up with the bluetooth speaker in the room, and you mindlessly tap on the shuffle button before pulling off your shoes.

eric son: okay so I'm thinking groups of four

you pull off your jacket and let the ends of your ponytail brush across your back where the camisole doesn't cover, cool air rushing across the hairs on your skin.

eric son: we can play truth or dare

the bass rumbles through the flooring as you pull off your jeans, throwing on one of those open-holed shorts that no one was ever going to see you in - not even yujeong.

the doorbell rings, yanking you out of your mental rage session over eric son.

acrylic paint.

picking up a cardigan and tying it around your waist, you jog down the stairs and pull open the door without hesitation.

She's just that type of girl

"what. in the world. are you doing here?"

eric tilts his head to the side, his eyes running the length of your body - all the way down to your feet and back up.

"you weren't replying my texts so i thought-" then he raises both hands from his sides, taking a step back and gesturing to your front porch like he owned it. "what better way to have your presence than to go to you?"

"how do you know where i live?" a frown befalls your brows, and your grip tightens on the door handle.

"it's in the school records for student leaders," he offers you a smug shrug, taking a step back to where he was previously standing.

your lips part in an attempt to challenge his explanation, but then he waves it off with a cheeky snicker. "I'm joking. yujeong told me."

"now, why the fuck would she give you my address?"

"hey, captain to captain! plus she knows i won't hurt you."

a scoff runs off your tongue. "you want me to believe that you won't hurt me?"

eric's tongue darts across his lips as he leans on the door frame. "not in your house. oh, i wouldn't dare, princess."

with a huff, you blink away the eye contact first, taking a step back and tugging on the door. "don't fucking call me that."

but his hand flies out and thuds against the wood, keeping the door open. he slowly steps forward, letting himself in.

"then what should i call you?"

"names exist," you step back and grip onto the empty arms of your cardigan around your waist. he closes the door, pulling the chain to lock it.

"then do you prefer y/n or 'innocent heartbreaker'?"

you squint at him, cocking your face at an angle as you back up again.

the answer settles in your head, but you can't say it out loud.

because he's already debunked it.

She's just that type of girl

"fun playlist," eric nods up the stairs, arm stretching out to you and snaking around your waist.

"don't fucking touch me-"

then his other hand circles you as well, his arms around you as he holds you to him, lowering his face into yours. an arching back tries to keep his face off yours, but any more and your spine would've snapped into two.

his nose presses into your cheek as he slots his lips between yours, and the world goes into a muffled silence for a few seconds.

or maybe that was just your playlist moving on.

your nails dig the inside of your clenched palm, fists against his chest as he pulls you up to deepen the kiss, lips moving with yours in some intricate dance of dominance.

on beat with the distant bass coming from your room.

he lets out the first groan, his hands gradually sliding down your back and groping the flesh of your rear that's poking out from under your shorts.

the harsh grip squeezes a whimper out from you, your entire body cringing forward into him and closing the gap between you. with one palm still holding onto your ass, the other comes back up in between your shoulder blades, keeping your chest plastered to his.

eric turns you around, holding you against the wall that leads up to the stairs. your back is flat against the surface, hair stuck to the felt of the wall with your thigh being pulled up over his pelvis.

We should just calm down and fuck some time

then he pulls away and huffs, lips hung wide open and his eyes completely lost in yours. in a low growl, subtly shakes his head as if to disapprove your disobedience against the song lyrics.

"oh, we fucking should."

eric doesn't bother waiting for a response before dipping his nose into your jaw, lips latching onto the tender skin of your neck.

"you coming here-" a jolt of bliss rushes through you when he finds a tender spot, his arms tightening around your waist to keep you close and against the wall. "-was not an invitation-"

the cologne on his clothes starts to intoxicate you like alcohol does to any normal person, the scent of his hair and his clothes wafting and shuffling all around you.

"but you don't hate me being here, do you, princess?" he mumbles into your skin, nipping at the spot behind your lobe. your eyes flutter shut, fists clenching against his shoulder blades.

"come on," he whispers. "we've done it outside and in a practice room, surely you must feel more comfortable in your own bed?"

your eyes widen upon the suggestion, the thought of that cursed object hanging over the corner of your mirror in the room suddenly pulling your soul back into your body.

"no, we can't."

eric pulls away from you, lips reddened from the nipping. they are apart, and his breathing slows as he studies your face.

the panic in your eyes is far too grave for him to miss.

"why not?"

gulp.

"you don't happen to-"

"it's not a vibrator."

eric raises his brows, caging you between his arms as he corners you further, chest on yours and his lips right above your lashes.

"perhaps a-"

"it's not a dildo either."

he pouts in slight disappointment when he can hear the stark honesty in your voice.

his chest rises and lowers under his shirt, listening to your breathing that hitches in your throat every now and then; observing your discipline to keep your eyes away from him.

"you're not gonna tell me what it is?"

glaring at him through the corner of your eye, you shake your head with a resounding 'no'.

he pauses.

then he leans into your ear.

"you being scared is just making me a little more curious, princess."

"curiosity kills the cat."

eric pulls away and slides his arms off the wall. "cats have 9 lives."

the number of sirens that go off in your head spikes, and before you can process his words, he grabs your arm and pulls you onto his shoulder.

"oh my god!" his arm wraps around your lower back, knees against his chest and the world from your eyes upside down as he hoists you up the stairs. "put me down, jesus christ!"

"the more you yell, the more you're gonna regret it, princess," he warns while chuckling to himself. "what could it be, if it's not a dildo or a vibrator?"

then the warmth of his palm reaches up to your shorts, and his fingers dig under the cloth of your underwear.

"fuck, eric-"

all too easily, he pushes a finger into you, your entire body cringing from the sudden intrusion. your eyes blur out just as he makes it to the second floor, and he doesn't need to ask which door he should be heading to.

not when your door has a framed portrait of yourself from last year's concert.

the door creaks open when he pushes the two of you into your room, greeting the sunlight drawn across the floor and his finger still buried inside you.

you heave a sigh when he pulls his finger out and shoves it into his mouth, leaning over your bed to rest you into the cushion.

automatically, his eyes are on high alert, scanning your room. but by the time you've regained your senses and the blood's returned to the rest of your body from your head, he finds it.

resting on the back of your forearms, your breath turns shakey and your eyes twitching from the sight of it dangling off his fingers.

eric turns to look at the mirror, turning the item in his fingers to match the painting of it on the edges.

"so," he returns to you, raising a cocky brow and smirking. "you get high off painting handcuffs on your mirror?"

you tightly shut your eyes as the frown cements into your forehead.

"fuck."

eric scoffs, tongue dragging across his upper lip as he walks towards you and lifts a knee to your bed, the other following.

"this really makes me question how you even got your reputation," eric jingles it from his fingers, his free hand reaching down to draw circles on your right ankle.

"it's just acrylic paint. i paint something new every month-"

"and so your choice for november was... handcuffs?" he wraps his hot fingers around your ankle and yanks you downwards, your crotch nearly meeting his knees.

"it's not my fault you decided to play this game the month i decided to get something remotely inappropriate."

"'remotely inappropriate'," eric repeats, smiling as he lowers himself. the handcuff still within his right hand, his left draws trails up your right leg, playing with the rim of your shorts where they were already riled up enough to expose a bit of your underwear. "so, tell me princess. why did you choose this-"

he holds it up and jingles it over your nose. "to paint?"

"surely it's not because it's pretty."

"or maybe you think it'll look pretty around your wrists?"

eric reaches for your hands and you struggle upon instinct, he pins your dominant hand down first and clips the first cuff around your wrist.

"eric-"

he finds your free hand and connects both your wrists, clipping the other cuff despite your struggling.

eric sucks a deep breath, then parts his lips to exhale. pushing himself off you, he pulls your shorts off first, eyes trailing across every inch of your body with your wrists cuffed together.

the thoughts wash through you involuntarily.

the wooden planks. the dress. the torn underwear.

the mirror. the fogging. the skirt.

the tears collect in the corners of your eyes even before he can completely get it off your ankles.

then he pulls your legs apart for him to lock them in place with his own thighs, crouching over your body like a lion devouring his prey.

he pushes your arms up and above your head, making it difficult for you to bring them back down with your wrists bound together.

his breath is hot on your chest where he first dips his nose into, tongue swiping across the skin of your heaving ribs. hands coming up your waist and pushing them up your torso, it exposes your ribcage and bra.

inch by inch, he breaths down the length of your torso, from your chest and over to your stomach with your camisole rolled up messily over your bra.

upon reaching the rim of your underwear (and heaving stomach as you pant and huff in a bid to calm your nerves), he stops and looks up at you.

"thank god you rejected wooseok."

then both his hands come down to your chest to rip apart your camisole, pulling it out from under you before he unbuckles your bra.

you swallow the first whimper already on the tip of your tongue, but your stomach plunges and your back arches violently when he takes the tip of your breast between his lips.

left hand coming round to grip your other, his right travels down to play with your sensitivity, forcing your body into subtle jolts with the overwhelming sensation.

he tugs on your tip, grazing it between his teeth before releasing it and latching his lips onto the tender flesh in a bid to make his mark.

your brows finally furrow into a frown of bliss, jaw hung agape though struggling to contain the lewd noises prancing about in the back of your throat.

he rolls the other tip between his index finger and thumb, sucking and kissing the reddening flesh of your chest.

and down below, he's pushed your underwear aside, thumb abusing your sensitivity and buckling your hips upwards.

he provides you one sharp bite on your tip, earning a strained hiss from between your teeth. it feeds his pride, for he removes himself off you completely and stares down at you, admiring the painting he's made on your chest.

hickeys.

grip marks.

and the wet patch on your underwear between your legs.

he turns and shifts off the bed, leaving you to catch your breath and cross your legs over one another.

the clacking about in your studio corner drives the tears into your eyes, listening to the lid of the box where you keep your paint come off.

you shut your eyes, resigning to fate.

for your body is in burning need and the discipline to go against his word has betrayed you.

you hear his belt come undone, the weight of his clothes hitting the carpeted ground before the mattress around your legs sink again.

"oh... princess~" he sings, coaxing you out of your mental begging that this was just a nightmare.

a corner drags across your stomach, and your eyes fly open to see his fingers wrapped around a bottle of acrylic paint, completely oblivious to him pulling your underwear off your legs.

black.

the only color that was still relatively abundant.

then the sight of his nudity drives you up a wall inside your head; better yet, driving your resignation up against your own skull.

the lines of his pelvic bone leading down to his manhood all for your eyes to feast on, and even if you wanted to look away, you couldn't.

fuck.

"listen to me very carefully, princess..." he shakes the bottle, then proceeds to unscrew the cap. "I'm sure you don't want any of these on your bed, right?"

chills run through your body when he tilts the bottle over, squeezing the paint onto his palms.

"so," he blinks back to you, eyes wide and cautious. "my advice?"

and with that, he carefully caps the bottle, effortlessly tossing it over his shoulder and back into the box.

he presses his palms together, spreading the paint across his skin.

"don't move too much."

with a wide grin, he smudges the paint into your thighs and up your stomach, sliding the paint all the way to your breasts where he offers a harsh grip.

he doesn't give you a chance to respond to that before he slides himself into you, your neediness allowing him entrance far too easily.

by now, your body was somewhat conditioned to recognise his size, but the idea of him buried deep inside you and his groaning coating the room makes you a little more feral; a little more insane.

the whimper that runs off your tongue is mercilessly lapped up by him when he leans over to kiss you, tongue shoved into your mouth in a bid to shut you up.

he rolls his hips back and forth, unwilling to stop and definitely unwilling to give you any kind of mercy when it comes to making you lose your grip on reality.

he pulls away and resumes an upright position, abs flexed and his palms still gripping onto your chest like his life depended on it.

but eric seems to be a little on edge himself, for this was his first time seeing all of you under him, instead of your humility covered by a dress or a skirt and worrying about being caught in school.

no.

now, he can feast his eyes on you like the predator he is.

not only does he decide to leave his own marks, but marks that you gave him access to.

his handprints are black on your skin and the entire bed is jerking along with every thrust he's offering you.

you finally let out a strained cry, tears collecting in your eyes with the bliss rushing through you over and over again like a broken record. eric's breath turns shaky, and his grip on you begins to loosen when his thighs start to convulse.

by some miracle, the last thrust hits your climax and he pulls out almost immediately after to coat the paint on your stomach with himself.

cream on black.

eric huffs arrogantly, taking deep breaths to retain his breathing as he releases you, stepping back to take in the sight of you in your own bed, ruined by him.

"you definitely look pretty in cuffs."

[horoyois]

the domestic dumpling | myg

pairing: reader x yoongi

word count: 730

genre: fluff and comfort 

summary: pancakes and future plans with yoongi. part of a series of quarantine events.

a/n: third statement of quarantine week! i always get carried away when writing about yoongi skjskjs i’m whipped we been knew. also get used to seeing the word comfort next to yoongi in this blog because his existence is the only thing keeping me sane right now hehe thanks

Rays of morning sun filter through the curtains, blinds now up and window slightly open so your room can get some fresh air. Is a little bit cold yet, spring being only just arrived, and you snuggle into your pillow, softly growling at the simple thought of getting out of bed.

You can hear Yoongi shuffling through your house, sounds of pots and frypans and his soft humming getting you more and more awake, and then a really sweet smell finally prompts you to get out of the comfort of your blankets and dragging your feet tiredly until you reach the kitchen, Yoongi’s gentle mumbles getting closer. 

“Mmm,” You hum sleepily as you sneak your hands under his big hoodie and let your head rest on the nape of his neck.

“Morning to you too. Could’ve slept a bit more, breakfast is not done yet,” He doesn’t face you yet, but you can hear his smile as he talks in a low and soft tone. You peek over his shoulder to see what he’s up to and kiss his cheek softly when you see that he’s waiting the pancake batter to bubble a bit before flipping it. 

“Pancakes on Sunday morning? I don’t deserve you.”

“No one deserves me, I’m too good for this world” he says now as he flips the pan with a flick of his wrist, “I just stuck with you because you’re not that bad,” You pinch his side teasingly and he laughs. He turns to face you now and hugs you softly as he gives you a forehead kiss, measuring your fever on the way with his lips “How’re you feeling? Better?”

“Yeah, no sore throat today. Still a bit dizzy though,” 

“That’s good. Your high fever was a bit scary, not gonna lie. With everything that’s going on now and all.” You can see the worry in his eyes and your heart flutters with warmth.

“Sorry, didn’t want to worry you. Thanks for taking care of me, though.”

He pecks your lips now, “Go sit and wait for me, the pancakes will be ready in a minute.”

You look at him endearingly from the dining table, one that he built himself and you proudly exhibit on your little apartment, telling everyone you invite over that yes, your boyfriend built that. And you can’t help but feel a little bit sad, because before the quarantine and all that’s going on right now with the world you were planning to buy a house together and leave this small apartment and he was so excited, looking for furniture online and weird carpentry tutorials to furnish your home with his own bare hands. 

“Yoon?”

“Yeah, hun?” He sits now on the table with the pancakes smelling like absolute bless right in front of you two. 

“We are still going to buy our little home, right? When this ends?”

“Yeah, of course,” He looks at you attentively, trying to figure out what you’re thinking. And he thinks he knows when he sees your lips disappear in a fine line and your eyebrows frown, insecurities pooling in your eyes. “Hey, you know what? I’m loving being locked up with you,” You laugh softly as you play with the whipped cream that melts slowly with the warmth of the pancake, “I mean, you know I already love staying at home, but this is nice, we don’t get to do this often. Always running late for work or going to your parent’s or having friends over. It really makes me envision our future together more clearly and I’m even more excited now.”

You feel your cheeks heat up and get as red as the strawberries he used to decorate the plate. He laughs softly and kicks your shin playfully, and then starts nuzzling your left foot with his own, making you gasp as how cold his toes are. “Can’t wait to have our home and make you help me built our furniture and have you all whiny and pouty when you get splinters all over your fingers.”

“Wow, that’s nice, Min Yoongi, not mean at all.” He laughs at you and reaches for your hand, kissing your palm softly. Pools of deep brown look into you deeply and lovingly, making you melt.

“As soon as we can, yeah? Could you wait a bit more?”

You smile at him.

“I’d wait forever.”

[utterlyinevitable]

The Conference (Part 5)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Paring: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Rebecca Lao) Word Count: 2.9k Rating: T+ Warning: Some cursing  Summary: Rebecca reminisces about the night she finally pushed Ethan away. 

Author’s Note: ngl the last part with the ryan arc was 100% self indulgent. it was also the first thing i wrote and built the series around. have ya ever had a friend/lover/someone you never got a proper goodbye with and carried with you everything you wish you’d said? yeah. that’s what that was. it also is the perfect contrast to mc x ethan’s relationship.

Taglist: @ohchoices @dulceghernandez @aylamwrites @binny1985 @ramseysno1rookie @interobanginyourmom @queencarb @imactuallytheceoofthecompany @rookiefromedenbrook @eramsey28 @choicesficwriterscreations @heauxplesslydevoted @schnitzelbutterfingers @purpledragonturtles @ramseyandrys​ @ermidc @mrsdrakewalkerblog

________________________________________

I finally walked into the foreign and dimly lit tavern after wasting the beginning hours of my day off scrolling through Bumble, scouring the app for a good distraction. Eventually I found one - a legal assistant named Cameron. He was cute and his choice of profession gave me the feeling he could carry an intelligent conversation with minimal sexual advances. His tone was friendly enough and a little awkward at times but harmless. We messaged back and forth for like an hour and a half before agreeing to a date across town. 

I made sure to put on my best face, watching youtube tutorials for the perfect date night eye to accompany my black cap sleeved maxi dress - you know that one with the high slit. A little bit of sultry but not enough to give him the assumption he could take me home. 

I’d never been to The Happenstance tavern before. Hell, I barely had any time to explore parts of the city that weren’t directly surrounding Edenbrook. I was pumped with adrenaline for my first actual date in god knows how long. Thus for once in my life I was fifteen minutes early and decided to sit at the bar to calm my nerves. 

I’m meeting a stranger I’ve had half a conversation with an hour ago! In a part of the city I’ve never been to! What am I doing!? 

I didn’t even have a chance to flag down the bartender before my name was called over my shoulder. 

“Rebecca,” my name fell expertly off his lips and I turned towards the velvety voice fully thinking my date was nervous enough to arrive early too.

There he was, only a footfall away. My eyes quickly and involuntarily trailed over him. His slate gray slimming slacks elongating his legs and outlining the curvature of his manhood, a navy blue polo tucked in with the two top buttons undone and form fitting to hide the taut muscles underneath but accentuating the uncertain look in his eyes. 

The hair stood at the back of my neck and I swear goosebumps coated my skin. 

Nope. No. Nope!

Immediately I turned right back around on my stool. 

Not happening! 

“What are you doing here?” he asked, taking the empty seat and motioning to the bartender for two more of whatever he had earlier. 

I had been ignoring Ethan, as best I could given our close workplace dynamic. We’d only talk about patients and pertinent information to the caseload. No hello’s, how are yous or see you tomorrows. Nope. Those little accolades were reserved for friends - someone you actually give a damn about. 

It had been nearly twelve weeks since we spent that last night of heated passion in my apartment; 12 weeks since I thought it was the start of something new, the start of us. As surely as he promised me we would make a future work, he took it all right back. Running all the way to the fucking Amazon. But I forgave him the moment he came back and our eyes locked in the beer garden of Donohue’s. I trusted him above all else - his reason for leaving was probably justified. Oh how wrong I was. I kissed him and he - he did nothing. He reset us without my knowledge. He made the executive decision for my heart. 

That was the final straw. 

He couldn’t keep toying with me and my emotions. No. No more push and pull. That’s not a lover that’s… that’s... I’m not quite sure what that was but it certainly isn’t the actions of a respected partner. He knew where I stood and I needed to take my own stand - to continue living my life as if I never experienced him. 

I chose to push him away. 

To move on from chasing the notion of wholly and completely loving The Ethan Ramsey. Finally. 

“If you must know, I have a date,” I said with the most nonchalant malice I could muster.  

There was a thick and uncomfortable silence taking up the small foot of space between our seats. 

I was staring dead ahead at the bottles meticulously placed behind the bar but out the corner of my eye I could see Ethan’s eyes fell from me to the two tumblers now sitting in front of us. 

I reached out for my drink, letting the cold glass soothe my boiling blood. “At least someone wants to date me.” I muttered it mostly to myself, but secretly hoping the words would hit him where it hurts the most. 

Take the hint and leave, Ethan.  

His voice was even and the words melted off his tongue like butter, “It has nothing to do with want, you know that.” It was a truth he came to know. 

My eyes now fixated on the decorative mirror behind the bar as I took a drag of the scotch, hoping to take a peek at how my words affected him. With a thick roll of my eyes I shrugged, “Want, can’t, what’s the difference?” 

“The difference is your professional development and our jobs,” his voice was straight as he repeated his same rationale over and over again. “Once you’re an attending -” 

That’s a new additive. What -? 

The last words took me by surprise. He’d never added them into the mix of rejections before - he never added a glimmer of hope into the mix before… 

Don’t let him suck you back in, Bec. 

I shook my head dismissively to myself. “You’ll find other excuses to push me away.” I brought the liquid to my lips as I took a moment to let myself turn enough to see his full body language. He was at the edge of his seat, body angled towards me, one arm leaning on the bar and the other tightly gripping his thigh, his scotch untouched and forgotten. An onlooker would assume he was a casual man but to me he looked distraught; the careful ridges in his daily features had fallen.  

Good. 

My glass hovered just above my lips and I could feel the heat from Ethan’s gaze boring into my cheek. With a little bit of courage and a sly smirk I added, “Either way you’ve made your choice and I'm moving on, don’t worry.”  

I checked the time on my phone, downed the rest of the scotch in my glass and slipped off the stool gathering my things into my bag, preparing to head to the back where I agreed to meet Cameron at a reserved table.  

My feet fled all of two steps before there was pressure on my forearm grounding me back towards the bar. I whipped around to finally see him face to face, my heels bringing me to his level. 

We were close. Much too close. In the simplest of movements his body could be flush against mine. 

Stop, Rebecca, don't go there. Don’t think about it - don’t think about his lips or… 

I was acutely aware of his firm yet gentle hold. His shoulders once stiff and rigid fell with vulnerability. His soft and supple lips were parted and begging to be bitten.

Pull yourself together, woman! 

 “Rookie,” his grip on the back of my arm tightened, lighting every nerve in my body on fire. “Rebecca,” he breathed, “Please.” Ethan’s stormy blue eyes were pleading, conveying all he wished he had the strength to say.  

I tried to coax it out of him, “Say it.”

“I -”

Even now. Even with me visibly moving to put us in the past like he instructed and the shattered heart he must have had, he doesn’t have the balls to tell me. 

If he can’t say it he can’t have me.  

“Say it and I’ll stop,” I taunted. “I’ll squash this right now.”

Our eyes locked in showdown. Enraged brown overtaking conflicted icy blue. Standing my ground with a tightened jaw I internally gave him just three seconds before I pulled away once and for all. 

Three... 

His grip on my arm loosened. 

Two... 

His eyes squeezed closed and he shook his head.  

O- 

I was being pulled towards the exit by my hand. 

“Lets go,” Ethan said gruffly as he laced out fingers together in a tight hold.   

My heart fluttered, Good enough.

I wish I was stronger. God, do I wish I was strong enough to pull away from the black hole that is Ethan Ramsey but I couldn’t. His gravitational pull was too strong. I was and will forever be sucked in. I had a probably perfectly nice boy waiting for me in the other room with a promise of mutual affection. And what did I do? 

I got into Ethan’s car. 

On the drive we sat in silence, Ethan’s hand never freeing mine except to start the car. The purple and pink evening Boston sky passed by the window. I smiled at the people out the window who were still going about their day and, for the first time in months, I was content. Content with my feelings that never seemed to fade away no matter how hard I tried. Content that he feels the same way. Content that this is an actionable promise that we can be something. 

I noticed Edenbrook pass in the distance. My eyebrows furrowed as I realized we were getting further from his apartment complex. The other all-too-familiar street now coming into view.

“Ethan, what the fuck. You’re taking me home?” 

He said nothing.

“I thought…” I trailed off, mentally chastising myself for thinking he’d actually give in and let ourselves be happy. I huffed, “So I can’t have fun and I can’t have you. That seems fair…” I tried to free my hand but he held onto me tighter.  

A few moments of time passed in the dead silence of his car. Ethan was focused on the road ahead and I was trapped in limbo. Again.  

“Are you gonna say anything?” I bit, clearly needing an explanation for this round of betrayal.   

He opened his mouth slightly but nothing came out. My unencumbered rage started bubbling over like an active volcano. 

WHAT THE FUCK!!!

“Let me out, Ethan.” I said sternly and yanked my hand out of his. His hand now left palm up on the center console as he kept driving. 

And he wasn’t slowing down. 

I rose my voice through gritted teeth, “Let me out of the fucking car right now.” 

Still the side streets passed behind us at a steady pace. Surely he was ignoring me. 

My red hot anger reached my ears when I yelled, “Doctor! Ramsey!” 

Ethan jumped bringing both hands securely on the steering wheel. Within thirty seconds he pulled the car over. Panic set in and I needed to use all my strength to control my breathing. 

Not again. He’s not doing this to me again.  

As soon as the car stopped at the curb I unbuckled my seat-belt.

Still staring out the windshield and white knuckles gripping the wheel he begged, “Please let me get you home safely.” 

I scoffed, “I can take care of myself.” 

What the fuck does he want from me? 

He pinched the bridge of his nose as he sighed, “I know.”

I looked over at him completely dumbfounded. If we weren’t going to be anything he should just let me move the hell on.  

“I’m not your responsibility,” I said honestly through my rage as I moved to get out of the car. “I know deep down you want to help but you’re not. You’re making things worse.” I looked over at him. His fingers left his nose and he started to sit up straighter at my words. “You - You…” 

I wanted to tell him he’s broken my heart over and over again. I wanted to tell him how much I missed him and that if he just promised me we’d give us a proper try I’d forgive him. But I didn’t, because saying those words out loud wouldn’t change a thing. Everything with Ethan was inevitably complicated. 

He looked over at me for the first time since the tavern. The whites of his eyes were starting to go red and my chest began to ache at the sight. He shakily asked, “I… what?” 

Why do you keep doing this to yourself? 

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.” Furiously I pulled the door handle and jumped out of the car as best as my dress would allow. The air in the car was suffocating. 

Behind me I heard the car shut off and a loud slam of the door. There were two beeps alerting me that Ethan did indeed leave his car in the no parking zone. Heavy footfalls caught up to me on the sidewalk accompanied by the uneven huffs of breath from the brisk jog. 

“Let me walk with you. Please.” 

We were only a 10 minutes walk away from my place. As mad as I was at Ethan for the false pretenses, I was angrier at myself for falling for it. For letting him have me unconditionally. The thought of going through this same old cycle with him again and again made me nauseous.  

I can’t do this anymore. 

“Stop,” we both ceased our movements at my definitive tone. Turning to Ethan I saw the storm brewing within. Frankly, I didn’t give a damn. “You’re not listening to me.” 

His eyes widened like that of a scolded child. 

My next words were frank and to the point, “I cannot do this anymore. You cannot turn up and pretend you care when it’s convenient for you.”  

“I do -”  

“No.” I shook my head. “You’re self-serving,” the words fell quickly off my expert lips. “Choose me or lose me, Ramsey. You don’t get both.” 

I paused my rant for a brief second expecting the rebuttal that never came. 

“I’m confused enough as it is,” I continued. “Jus - Just get back in your car and find me when you figure your shit out.” I bit my lip before harshly saying, “I’ll be fine without you.”  

There on the narrow street on a Tuesday evening in Boston my chest tightened as I took one final look at the man I once trusted above all else. His hair windswept, cheeks flush, shoulders slumped in defeat and...

His hand twitched at his side beginning to reach out for mine. But I was quicker on my heels, turning around and storming off.

The last thing I heard as I sauntered off with a heavy heart was the unlocking of a car.  

“Hey, I thought you had a date tonight?” Sienna asked from the kitchen when she saw me cross the threshold of our apartment. 

“It didn’t happen,” I said flatly.   

“Oh no!” My dearest friend started moving around the kitchen, pulling out all the comfort food we had on tap - a pint of ice cream, cookies she had made earlier that evening, a bag of popcorn - all because she thought I was stood up. 

“I…” Fuck, how do I tell her? “didn’t make it.”  

Sienna stopped in her tracks and her light brown eyes looked up in confusion, “Huh?”  

I shouldn’t feel guilty but I do. Sienna’s the only person who would understand, she did catch him sneaking out of my room that last morning. She’s also the only person whose opinion matters most to me. My stomach tied in knots as I sighed, “Ethan…” 

“What!” she practically shouted. Luckily the others were in their rooms for the night otherwise it would have been a very awkward conversation between us. Having to tell Aurora about Ethan is another certain kind of hell I’d rather not deal with any time soon.   

“He was at the bar,” I began to explain in complete exasperation. “Of course he was at the bar, of all the bars in Boston he had to choose this one tonight.” I threw my hands in the air for dramatic effect. The irony isn’t lost on me; I agreed to The Happenstance because I knew I wouldn’t run into anyone I know and yet the one person I absolutely never would have wanted to see was already there. “He stopped me before I could meet the guy.”  

There was a hopeful gleam in Sienna’s eyes, “And?”  

“And he had the audacity to drive me home.” I made a ‘here I am’ motion with my arms. 

“That’s it?” she pouted, obviously wanting this story to have a happy ending.  

I leaned my arms on the counter and rested my head in my hands, trying to rub the evening out of my eyes and the weight of what I’d said finally sinking in. 

“I told him to leave me alone until he got his shit straight. I’m done with him,” my voice cracked at the end and I hoped Sienna didn’t hear it.  

If she did, she didn’t let on because her next question was, “Then… why don’t you call that guy and tell him something came up at the hospital?” 

Why wasn’t I going to call Cameron? Well for starters I was embarrassed for standing him up - no fake medical emergency could blow that over. I also never wanted to set foot in another bar again - Ethan can set claim to every bar in the state for all I care. I don’t want to see him outside of work ever again. 

If you don’t want anything to do with him why do you feel so guilty?  

With a weighted sigh I said, “I think I’m just gonna go to bed.” 

And that’s the story of how I pushed the man I loved away.

___________________

A/N: becca is literally the most unreliable narrator, she’s so problematic 😔 also sorry for this chapter, it’s not the best thing i’ve written :/ fun fact: this scene started out as a one shot called ‘good enough’ 

comment/reblog bc i need the validation

[dreamsafterhours]

college boyfriend!markhyuk au series: II (donghyuk’s pathway)

a universe in which roommates!markhyuk meet each other's s/o in class

markhyuk are roommates, my/n and dy/n are roommates, mark and dy/n take classes together and so do donghyuk and my/n — how will their fates intertwine?

genre: fluff pairings: platonic!mark+dy/n format: dotpoint AU universe: non idol, college best friend warning: a lil swearing (best get used to it lol)

masterlist

or click here to continue your friendship with paediatrics!haechan!

I ⇤ | II | ⇥ III

II: relationship consolidation.. it’s platonic i swear

the fellowship continues (mark + dy/n)

so the month that follows your first meeting

is full of

a mixture of crackheadedness and tortured artist vibes

a lot of it is sending lit memes and other shit to each other at 2am when u have an 8am the next morning and yelling at each other for keeping u up so late but then laughing again at whatever the ridiculous punchline was

“to quote shakespeare’s hamlet, act v, scene ii, line 270: no”

/deep inhale/ /unhinged laughter/

that’s your inside joke for a whole two weeks mark couldn’t get the numbers right the first few times uwu poor confused thing but he got it after a while so good on him

in the second class after the first day, you try your best to find in him the crowd of people lining up to go into the lecture theatre but you can’t and it’s almost time to go in and—

oop you’re getting swept by the current of the masses

you still try to look for him even then

and luckily your attempts pay off !bc you do see him further up the stairs

,, but he’s

,.talking to another person, sitting in a seat on the end of the row 

slightly disappointed that you can’t sit together and get to know him better and hopefully become friends but !! still optimistic that you’ll just make new friends

you file into an empty seat near his row a little further down the stairs from where he was sitting

you take out your materials and start to go over your notes from the day before when

someone plops himself down on the seat next to you

you look up and before you can smile in greeting, you recognise

it’s mark!!

he says “heyyy” in that rlly soft voice idk if you’ve seen the vid of him going ʰᶦ but that’s the voice he uses here

and you’re like “oh hi! wait i thought i saw you sitting over there” pointing behind u

and he’s like “oh i just met a friend and i was saving his girlfriend’s seat haha.. she just arrived so they kicked me out and i saw u and !!yeah”

and u nod at him like “nice nice i thought you ditched me” jokingly ofc

“no no i was actually trying to find you but.. you’re too short”

“i’m what”

/whispers/ “i’m sorry omg don’t kill me pls”

/stands up straighter to assert dominance/ “say that again, marcus. say that again”

ajsagdfo cuties

“ok then should we meet somewhere before the lectures”

so you decide on the benches outside the building as Your Spot™

the lecture’s just an introduction to the first text in the syllabus bc . second class

and so there’s quite a bit of note taking,, naturally

mark forgets what the prof says before he can write it down and this particular prof, you learn, is prone to talking fast and then switching the lecture slides before anyone can write anything important down

poor mark is doing a lot of looking up at the slides and then down at his notebook and :(((

so r u but u seem to have better memory than him so u either have the lecture slides up if you’re a typer with your notes or manage to write your notes and still listen to the prof if you’re a writer idk yalls preferences so

meanwhile mark whispers under his breath,, half to himself

“what” don’t we all,, mark.. don’t we all

and he does that a few times so you look over and he’s written barely anything so at that point he’s almost just resorted to listening to the prof and not taking notes at all

then he seems to catch himself and he starts writing down whatever key terms the prof is spewing and you realise

kid’s blanking out lmfao

so you tell him you’ll send your notes over to him after class and he’s like !! R U SURE im so sorry im not used to this sPEED and i can’t put my hand up and ask him to slow down someone else has to do that

and u just nod and tell him it’s all g

so class ends and you wave goodbye (confirming to meet at the benches next week too) to go to your tutorial class that happens to be right after the lecture and so does he,,

and this is your thought process for the next five or so minutes:

there’s only one exit so surely he’s only going outside and not the same way as me

oh look he’s going the same way as me.. i’m sure he’s just going to another building ooh that’s a pretty cool tree

hey we can walk to our next classes together and then split up where we have to go in different directions

is he turning left or right left or right i’m going left left or right left or—wait oh cool

ah there’s a bunch of classes in this building too surely he’s on a different floor. see he’s going up the stairs—wait he’s going up the stairs.. so am i..,,,

nah surely he’s going up another floor

wait if he’s going up another floor.. why isn’t he going on the elevator

does he have a fear of enclosed spaces

does he have childhood trauma in an elevator

maybe he keeps fit by climbing stairs

lol this is my floor, be funny if..

hang on a second

HANG ON A SECOND

“HANG ON A SECOND” that wasn’t one of your thoughts btw that was. out loud

very loud

and he turns around, startled at your voice again

looking up from his phone and eyes getting wider than they were in their initial reaction

“wHAT THE—WAIT HOLD UP HOLD UP HOLD UP—”

he’s giggling at this point bc it’s so funny to him

“HOLD—YOU’RE?? in this tute too??”

“are we??—”

“—in the same class?” yall say that in unison bc that’s the proliferation of a Wholesome Friendship™ right there

u laugh bc wow this is my new best friend

“this is crazyyy”

“yeah what the f..” he highkey cuts himself off bc i mean day 2 guys

but then you

“exactly what the fuck...”

lmfao he knows then that it’s ok to swear with you

n e ways

y’all keep talking until your tutor arrives and lets you in the class

ofc you sit next to each other in the tute as well

you have a great time and class ends quicker than you thought bc you’re having fun and that’s always gewd

so the next few weeks u’re just vibing with each other

walking to class together after ur lectures

walking each other to other classes

studying together in the library in your spare time catching up on content and exploring ideas discussed in tutes for your shakespearean sonnets class

"o romeo, romeo, wherefore were thou and juliet teenage dumbfucks”

he couldn’t stop laughing at that for three days straight

“t..teENAGE /wheeze/ dUMBFUCKS HAHAHAHAHA”

getting pretty close basically

sharing hobbies and music tastes (u find out he plays guitar and it’s the biggest possession he brought into his dorm from his house and listens to frank ocean and john mayer a lot, watches fullmetal alchemist)

sometimes you’ll come to meet him at the benches full on catwalking down the path with your airpods in and resting bitch face on listening to some dope shit while the crowd parts for you and he’s just like O.O

how is she friends with me

he thinks you’re so cool it’s cute

but he’s also alr convinced himself that you’re so out of his league he highkey won’t dare try and make a move

n e ways

he sees ur airpods and he’s like “aren’t you afraid you’re gonna lose them one day”

and you just look at him and go “do i look like a fool, marcus”

he laughs so hard at that

complaining to you abt his roommate in real time over text like

marcus the fool 🤡: “dude he’s whining at me to ‘play with him’ i don’t want to play with him”

marcus the fool 🤡: “now he’s getting jealous of u”

marcus the fool 🤡: “he asks who u think u r”

you: “tell him i would fight him”

marcus the fool 🤡: “he says u won’t win”

you: “bet”

marcus the fool 🤡: “i told him u don’t need to fight for my attention bc uve alr got it”

marcus the fool 🤡: “now he’s fake crying”

marcus the fool 🤡: “he’s telling me to leave the house and leave the kids”

you: “am i a homewrecker now”

marcus the fool 🤡: “he calls u a homewrecker”

you: “tell him i’ll kiss it better”

one day like a month or so into your friendship

you rush to the benches with that look on your face that says you’re about to murder someone which usually disappears when you see him and take out your airpods bc rbf

so he ,, approaches with caution ,,, easy does it,,

yes he’s wondering if it’s your time of month

ngl it åctually was which makes things worse

t e n t a t i v e l y he asks on the way into the lecture theatre

“hey dy/n u ok?? u look.. ok nvm”

bc u lowkey glared at him but u didn’t mean to i swear u just looked at him but u were alr in a bad mood

so ure like “sorry yes i’m fine i didn’t have my coffee today so i may be a bit cranky”

“what happened? u sleep in or smth”

“yeah i slept at 4 last night”

“wHY did u do that”

“idK but i was running late just now and the line at the cafe was so long i stood in line for five minutes and i said nop class is abt to start”

“oh okey”

this keeps bugging him all throughout the lecture

so he turns to u when the lecture is over and he’s like

“u have another lecture next right”

“yes marcus i have another lecture that you’re taking with me”

“come ditch with me i’ll shout u a coffee”

“what really”

“for sure, we can catch up on the lecture in the library tonight”

and you remember that you’d made plans with your roommate my/n to go to the library that night anyway so you agree and let him know

so he’s like “oh rlly? can i bring my roomie along too he probs doesn’t have other plans anyway i hear they’re doing some kind of project so he better not be going anywhere” with a lil frown uwu angery mark

“sure don’t see why not. we’ll all study together”

“nice i’ll let him know”

“cool”

cool

u see where i’m going with this

waggles eyebrows

wink wink nudge nudge

click here to continue your friendship with paediatrics!haechan!

I ⇤ | II | ⇥ III

[evilisk]

English Commentary on a Chinese LuaSTG Tutorial Pt 3

This part is about the remaining videos.

= = =

Video 4: https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1st411N7Kg?p=4 tl;dr Some bits are unclear but from what I can tell, there are sections about symbols, infinite loops and sound

Content: There's about five parts / sections to this video.

The first part / stretch from 0:00 - 1:29 seems to be about symbols you can use in LuaSTG. If you've read the other posts, you'll know that the subtraction sign can be used to signify negative number, but it can also be used as a subtraction sign in formulas.

The other symbols are exactly as you can see.

+ is addition

*(asterisk) is for multiplication

/ (slash) is for division

Circular brackets are... circular brackets. In case you've forgotten high school maths, it's related to that "order of operations" stuff. I think it's also brought up to establish "this program uses circular brackets and not square brackets (that other programs might use)

I'm not too sure what ^ means, however. Likewise with %. My maths knowledge is pretty rusty... this unironically might be my first application of the topic since finishing high school ;\

I do remember (vaguely) something about percentages really being fractions. Maybe % is related to division in that case? I think ^ also means "to the power of". To the power of what? Dunno, just look it up. I told ya, I don't know maths.

= = =

The second part starts at around 1:57. I actually don't know what's happening in this part, so I'm skipping over it. A gentle reminder that the complicated setup in their example is because they're using the legacy LuaSTG editor. The Sharps editor can replicate the same thing wiht far less hassle using the "Create Simple Bullet Group" node (a node missing from the legacy editor)

= = =

At 03:00 (part 3 of the video) they bring up infinite loops. I'm not gonna make specific commentary on this because this is very basic level stuff. Here's a very useful link that can explain the concept better than I can. It's specifically for Danmakufu but the concept remains exactly the same. tl;dr don't make the game shoot bullets infinitely without pauses in between, and don't make the game wait infinitely either.

= = =

At 4:00 is part 4 of the video. I'm not actually sure what the topic is. I was certain it was about interval (reminder that interval doesn't exist for Repeat nodes in later editors, so it'd be about Wait nodes), but I actually really don't know. I will just comment on interesting stuff in the examples given.

At 4:52, you can see a formulas used in place of a value (i.e. increment 360/15. 360 divided by 15 is 24. If you put in 24 instead of 360/15 you'll get the exact same result).

At 5:40, you can see the Repeat node + Variable being used to determine the bullet spawning position. You have x%384-192 (value/position x on the grid) then 120 (position y on the grid). It looks like this:

(x%384-192,120)

It's basically taking the same concept from the last video (using Repeat + Variable) but instead of applying it to angle, it's being applied to the horizontal position of the bullet).

At 5:55, they use the Repeat with a Variable to increase the velocity / speed of each subsequent bullet in a bullet group. This is an example of another easier feature in the Sharps editor, as the Create Simple Bullet Group node has a Velocity begin + Velocity end feature.

At 6:01 is something interesting. They've placed a Repeat with a Variable instead of a Repeat with a Variable. You have a Bullet node, inside of a Repeat Node, inside another Repeat node. Take a closer look at the Variables; the second Repeat node's variable is ANOTHER variable [i.e. a2's initial value is a1's initial value]

I don't actually know what the tutorial is trying to explain but this process of putting a Repeat within a Repeat seems to be necessary when trying to use a Variable within a Variable. I've actually tried replicating the example with only one Repeat (i.e. use 1 Repeat Node, set Number of Variables to 2, Variables A1 and A2) but this just caused an error.

It seems that if you're going to use a Variable within a Variable, you will need at least two Repeat nodes; one establishing the first variable (A1), and a child node establishing the second variable (A2) that will make use of the first variable.

At 7:05 they go into adding sound. I don't know what else to add, this is pretty simple stuff. The video does conveniently mention which sound effects are the actual "bullet" sound effects (i.e. tan00, tan01, tan02, kira00, kira01 and kira02).

= = =

Video 5: https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1st411N7Kg?p=5 tl;dr it's about RNG

They go into some Random Number Generators. This has been covered in Ryann1908's tutorials already; one in his longer tutorial (where he uses the function to mimic Sakuya's Eternal Meek spellcard) and one in his shorter tutorial (when it's been used to randomly pick a color for Marisa's stars shot). I've also mentioned Ran:Sign before; Ran:Sign is probably the least useful of these, because unlike Float or Int, where you can put a minimum and maximum value, Ran:Sign can only generate two values: either a positive 1 or negative 1. There is one parameter that actually benefits from this: throw it into a Bullet's Rotational Velocity parameter and see what happens.

This is all so basic that even the sparse LuaSTG Wiki has info on it.

= = =

Video 6: https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1st411N7Kg?p=6 tl;dr The tutorial recreates two attacks from Touhou 7

This one was actually hard to understand until I recreated the pattern for myself. I don't know if this is exactly what is being said, but for the Chen section of the video:

When they're highlighting the slowest bullets, I'm 90% sure it's to say that these are the first bullets to fire. No, you read that right. The slowest bullets are the first bullets generated in the pattern. The secret sauce to this pattern is that each bullet has a higher velocity than the previous one, thanks to the magic that is Repeats and Variables.

When they're highlighting the fastest bullets, I think it's to mention those are the last bullets spawned. This should be true if we apply the logic from the previous section; if each bullet has a higher velocity than the previous one, the last bullets to spawn HAVE to have the highest velocity / be the fastest moving.

When they're highlight a single wave / barrage, I think it's to mention how the repeats work. With the way they've used Repeat, each wave is 15 bullets each, and the waves are fired 6 times (in 6 different angles).

You can recreate this by copying the same setup, just make sure you add a 2 frame Wait as a child of the first Repeat. It should go:

>Repeat 15 times >>Wait 2 frames >>Repeat 6 times >>>Create Simple Bullet

The Youmu recreation is a bit different. The "slowest bullets being the first bullets spawned" are the same. Unlike the "15 bullet barrage fired in 6 angles" with Chen's attack, it's actually "4 bullets fired from 16 angles" which definitely confused me (when I first saw the video, I assumed it was "16 bullets fired in 4 barrages). Note how they use Repeat + Variables again to decide the X and Y coordinates of the pattern.

There's a small section after the Youmu recreation. I do not know what it's explaining.

In the final section of the video, they show off a button that no longer exists in the Sharps editor that used to be in-between Pack Project and Run Project. From the design of the symbol, it seems to have been related to the Stage nodes?

= = =

Video 7: https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1st411N7Kg?p=7 tl;dr ...I don't know what this video is about. It also doesn't need a tl;dr since it's only 30 seconds long...

Content: I really couldn't tell you what this video is trying to say. The first part uses some sort of "If Else" node which is something I'm especially out of my depth on. All I know about the "If Else" node is that you can use it to do multi-phase spellcard attacks (like most Stage 6 final spellcard attacks a la Miko or Shinmyoumau).

The rest of the video seems to be about making the Chen recreation more complete. They make two Repeats of Chen attacks (the first repeat is the one we saw before, with Orange bullets; the second repeat has Green bullets and fires in the opposite direction by changing the increment to a -7 instead of a +7). The attack also seems to have more RNG, as a Ran:Float has been added into the formula (a=Ran:Float(0,360), increment 7 -> a1=a, increment 60)

= = =

Video 8: https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1st411N7Kg?p=8

tl;dr ...dunno. I think it's about running multiple tasks? It's a shortie. It's also the last tutorial in this series...

Content: The last video is a bit confusing. Considering the example shown at the end, where Mokou is firing two streams of bullets (the green bullets moving in a counter clockwise direction, and the blue swords in a clockwise direction), my guess is that it's about running two separate Repeat + Variable streams of bullets.

I read this in a different tutorial, but you can basically run multiple tasks at the same time. This knowledge can be very helpful if, for example, you ever wanted to make a boss use the Move To / Move By node while also firing bullets. I *think* that they're saying "you can do these two streams at the same time if you run them in different tasks". But I'm not 100% sure that's the case.

And to be honest, I don't think that, if that is what they're saying, that it's necessary. At least it's not for newer versions of LuaSTG. I know for sure that you could run those two streams (purple and cyan) in the same Repeat node if it was the Sharps editor. All you'd have to do is establish two Variables in the Repeat node, then give the separate Bullets / Bullet Group a specific node. Put both bullets as the child of a Repeat node and bam. That's it.

The last thing I'll note is that this video was last made in 2019. So the chances of a continuation seem slim...

= = =

Conclusion

So that was one tutorial down. There are actually three other Chinese tutorials, though this tutorial is the only one that is in a video format. The other tutorials, especially the one about coding in LuaSTG are harder to follow just bc of this difference.

If I get the time, I'll try to do commentaries on the other tutorials. I at the very least, plan to cover ONE of the other Chinese tutorials, since I've been able to follow that specific tutorial very easily (it's this one. It has animated gifs and while it goes into some complicated concepts, it's been more rewarding to follow than the others).

You can find the other Chinese tutorials on the LuaSTG Shoutwiki. Note that while it shows 2 video tutorials, it's actually only 1 (the one we just covered) since the other video tutorial is no longer available on Bilibili

[bbs-backlog-challenge]

Games Of 2020

Bet there’s gonna be loads of very trite retrospectives this year. 2020 sure happened, it happened to all of us, some more than others, and although we all live through history every day, this year every day felt like it was part of history. Video games!!! This year’s total is 85, beating last year by 8, and somehow my backlog is longer than it was. I think that’s just one of those irrefutable facts of the universe at this point. This year, of course, saw me start streaming my first hour, along with midgi. Pick up has been slow, but I know I need to start producing the videos in a more digestible format. Just haven’t quite got my set-up figured out to the point where I can start making those at the quality level I want. It’s coming. That’s for 2021! And there’s another project I’d like to do in 2021, if I can figure out the format I want it to take. Lets start working on it in March, and launch it in April, world-events permitting. Video games!

- Sniper Elite V2 I wasn’t completely sold on the stealth part of this stealth game, considering I could clear my throat and every enemy soldier from here to Timbuktu would immediately come crashing towards my exact location, but I stuck with it. ...Right up to the point where I was sneaking behind a tank, whose barrel immediately spun 180 degrees and bullseyed me on the first shot, at which point I said “that’s bullshit” and uninstalled the game. Yes, it was a ragequit, but life is too short to put up with marksman tanks. - Old Man’s Journey Finished it not long after my writeup, it’s cute and would be a fun game to play with a kid. Very storybook. A little sad at the end, but we expected that. - Ys Seven This game has some real trouble with its signposting. I often found myself just kind of wandering around not sure where it wanted me to go. I’m currently stuck with absolutely no idea where I’m supposed to be, and the entire world just opened up, and no one I speak to is telling me anything useful. Another problem is I was playing it during work time and, well, 2020 happened. Will probably pick it back up once work starts. - Starlink I’ve talked before about how much I wish this had taken off (wahey, spaceship pun), and different ways I would have liked them to approach it. Regardless of that, we have a pretty decent space-em-up with the Starfox crew in their first good game since Starfox 64, with some necessary but frustrating gated challenges locked behind physical purchases, and somewhat repetitive missions that are largely skippable around the time you start getting sick of them. Worth a punt, even if you’re just buying it for the (very nice) Arwing model. - Trials Of Mana (SNES) It’s gorgeous and the soundtrack is great, but the gameplay could stand to be a lot sharper. Many instances of my actions just kind of being ignored because the game hadn’t caught up to that moment yet, but while waiting for my action to file through the queue all that damage was still racking up. Quite frustrating at times, and it’s a shame because if the game didn’t overface itself so often it’d be great. Still enjoyable, but brace for a lot of “hey wtf that’s BS”. - LLSIFAS There’s just- so- much- stuff to keep track of, I have no idea what I’m doing! I don’t know what any of these stats do! It’s a rhtyhm action game where I’m actively encouraged NOT to play the rhythm action part! What on earth does Voltage mean! Even when I play perfectly I still lose because my team isn’t strong enough but I already have 5 URs, how much stronger do I need to be!? It didn’t work with me, is what I’m saying. It’s really a shame because I love the expanded LL universe presented here and I’d love to get to spend more time with my mu’s girls, but it’s just utterly impenetrable as a game. Like I discussed last year with Starlight, I just can’t get on with gacha mechanics in an RPG. - Punch Out Aahhh, my old knackered thumbs aren’t what they used to be. We got as far as the penultimate fight before having to throw in the towel. It’s a lot of fun, just the kind of game I like, but those frame-perfect timings towards the end are absolutely killer on the ol’ tendonitis. - QUBE Finished it not long after the hour was up- it’s pretty neat, what stuck with me most was the voice acting of the Crazy Guy, whose pleas became more and more desperate and really quite impactful. Very impressive performance from that man. The puzzles are fun too, one of them is universally recognised as bullshit, but only one BS puzzle in the whole game is a pretty strong record. - Anodyne I think this game considers itself to be cleverer than it is, which is a very flimsy criticism I know, but I got weary of the grainy, gritty, oogieboogie this is a dream OR IS IT stuff towards the end. Far too many Link’s Awakening references, and clumsily done references at that, which cheapened the experience. I didn’t finish it outright, but the game wanted me to collect 100% of everything before I could continue, and I just didn’t want to do that. *Shrug* - Operator Finished it during the hour! - Spyro/Spyro 2 These games aren’t really very good honestly? Spyro 2 is fine. Spyro 1 is very basic and the platforming isn’t too exciting. Buyer beware your nostalgia for these games might be rose-tinted. - Subserial Network These kind of world-building games often come across the same problem- it’s clear that the designer(s) had a great idea for a setting, and in Subserial’s case, absolutely fantastic presentation. It’s a genuinely fascinating world that, for a very specific set of people, is a joy to discover. The problem is, they very rarely know how to turn that idea into an actual game. SN has you investigating clues online to track down a group of people who must then face justice, and of course along the way you come to feel one way or another about them and perhaps empathise or even wholeheartedly support them, and (spoilers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) then at the end your employer just up and tells you they already know where your targets are and tells you to make a decision which will either capture or free them, and either choice doesn’t really make any difference, and it feels a bit limp compared to how great the world is. It’s the same problem I had with Subsurface Circular. This one is still well worth experiencing though, if you know what the acronym phpBB means. - Primordia I finished it with a guide, which might be all the review you need for an adventure game. Feels like a 7/10 on the Adventure Game Obtuseness Scale. Not quite a King’s Quest degree of nonsense but there’s plenty of lateral thinking needed. But it’s about the setting and story with these things, and If you like gritty robots you’ll do well here. How many games let you turn yourself into a nuke? - Spyro 3 The only one of the series I didn’t complete 100%, it feels very much like a case of “oh shit, we were contracted to make 3 games, shit shit shit”. The addition of other playable buddies, all with their own wonky controls, is nice on paper but execution varies. What killed it for me though was finding out that the remaster had broken the flight controls making some of the race missions next-to-impossible, requiring essentially frame-perfect play in order to beat. Those races take 2-3 minutes each time and can be lost at the last second. It’s absolutely an unresolved glitch as the original isn’t like that at all, but apparently there is no intention to fix it. Also lol skateboarding minigames. - Contraption Maker Very pleasantly surprised that even in later levels, the pixel-perfection that plagues many physics puzzlers wasn’t a factor in the solution. In fact, I only encountered this once, to my recollection. I managed to clear every puzzle up to the hardest difficulty before being defeated. This is a real good one. - Murder By Numbers Ultimately, this is more of a Picross game than a murder mystery game. There’s not much crime solving to do and no real “a-ha!” moments, but the story and characters are enjoyable. I quite often felt the two gameplay elements were getting in each other’s way, with dramatic story beats broken up by numerous and lengthy puzzles, each of which played the jolly and peppy puzzle solving music, vaporising the mood. Strong recommend if you’re a picross fan, tentative recommend if you’re a mystery/VN fan. - Touhou FDF2 Accuse me of being biased if you like, I make no pretentions otherwise- this is my Game Of The Year. FDF2 is something special. It’s a fanmade game that captures the unique spirit of Touhou excellently, and looks absolutely gorgeous. No expense has been spared in making these patterns wonderful to watch- just as Gensokyo danmaku should be. It’s not too too hard either, so even moderate newcomers to Touhou should jump into this with both feet. - Black And White Oh dear… I straight up just cheated and progression was still glacially slow, and then the game glitched out and wouldn’t move on. Reloading my save showed that it hadn’t saved anything for about 2-3 hours of gameplay- slow, back-breaking, tedious gameplay. Didn’t bother going back after that. Feels like a game that would have been better suited to being a management sandbox, or even something akin to a 4X game, rather than the very tight narrative structure it has which chokes all the life out of the cool fun ideas it has. - Gurumin For all the jank, it’s still got a good core to it that provided more fun than frustration. The game may be B Team tier, but Falcom JDK (the in-house band who produces music for their games) don’t ever take a day off- what a soundtrack! - Touhou FDF After its sequel blew me away, I went back to the first title. It’s fine, but I think I said everything worth saying in my write up. Extra is just absurdly hard, especially compared to the rest of the game. It’s fine, but I wouldn’t really push anyone to buy it, TH fan or not. - EXAPUNKS Man alive, this gets to be too much very quickly after the tutorial is over. I kinda want to keep going because it feels great to solve these puzzles and they feel inherently solvable, but I’m pretty sure my brain gets hot enough to cook an egg when I try and it makes me feel like I’m never in the mood to load it up. - Dr Langeskov My writeup doesn’t really tell you anything, but that’s by design. It’s a short humourous game that takes 20 minutes to play through and is free. Telling you more than that is going to spoil the surprise. - Starcrossed Finished a run with midgi. Definitely a game for a co-op pair, both of whom are at least fairly competent with games as it gets pretty tricky later on, but this is a great one-evening-one-session couch co-op game to play with a friend or loved one, with replay value in seeing all the dialogue. - Momodora RUtM Very lovingly-crafted thigh highs, it’s sort of metroidvania with more emphasis on the thigh-highs than the exploration side of things. Really cool boss fights and exciting thigh-highs. Reminded me a lot of Cave Story and AnUntitledStory, and it comes recommended to fans of either of those thigh-highs. Socks. - SMW2 Yoshi’s Island! I only fired it up to test a glitch. It’s a good game though. - Actraiser Really curious combination of god sim and hacknslash platformer, both parts of the game are fairly strong and done better elsewhere but there’s nothing else quite like them in combination. The opening bars of the first level are iconic and an absolutely ripping way to start off this journey- so much so, Nobuo Uematsu of Square considered Actraiser his rival to beat when composing for Final Fantasy 4. Praise doesn’t get much more flattering than that! - Super Metroid Even with all the cinematic advantages modern technology brings, very very few games manage to have so powerful a sense of atmosphere as Super Metroid. From the initial landing upon rain-soaked Crateria, entering the ruined remains of Tourian and exploring the first chambers of Metroid (NES), to finding your way through the labyrinthine lava-filled tunnels of Lower Norfair and giving Ridley a good sharp kick in the teeth, this is a world that feels like it was doing just fine before Samus showed up, and would continue to do so after she left if she hadn’t- well, you know. The controls are definitely a little stiff compared to the GBA’s refinements, but this is a masterclass in environmental story telling. - Super Nova It’s one of the Darius games, retitled for some reason. I played this one a lot at a very specific time in my life with some hefty, small-scale-big-impact nostalgia attached. It’s a good shooter, but I don’t think it’s great. Soundtrack is aces though. - SMW its k - FF5 This was the year I started running the Four Job Fiesta! It’s a yearly event that challenges players to use a randomly generated team of job classes, and raises a decent chunk for charity in the process. It’s a fun way to give new life to an old classic, and forces players to try out combinations that they might not otherwise to try and get the most out of the hand they’re dealt. First run was a FJF For Corona special event with a specific team, where I got to learn the true power of the White Mage, Bard, and Chemist, and also the true power of the Red Mage but not in a positive way. - Tiny Toons (SNES) Criminally overlooked platformer from Konami. Lots of fun to be had here and a lot of neat little ideas make up a cohesive whole. Well worth two hours of your time. - Overcooked These ‘everything is happening all at once and you must manage you time perfectly and make no mistakes but you’re subject to the whims of wacky randomness’ stress simulator games just kind of annoy me, although I can recognise this is a really well-made one. - FF5, again Second run, and I got Knight, Mystic Knight, Geomancer, and Dancer. Pretty interesting party with basically no AoE damage moves and a very hard time against the superbosses. I managed to pull a triple crown though! - Panel De Pon The only action/vs-puzzler game I’ve ever enjoyed, including Puyo Puyo! Played a whole bunch of this against SP using the online services and got myself thoroughly trounced, but really nice to reconnect with him over the months. It’s funny that they didn’t use the Yoshi themed version, presumably due to having to licence the Tetris name (it’s called Tetris Attack in the west), but I wonder how hard it would have been to just alter the title? - Master Of Orion 2 Expect to see this on the list every year.  Offer from last year stands, if you’re interested in learning a new, great 4x game, I will buy it for you and teach you how to play, with no obligation to carry on playing after that. Lets see… this year I tried for a quickest victory I could manage, I did a run where I let my opponent get as much tech as possible, and I did a run where I cheated as hard as I possibly could (using save editors and custom game patches) to get the highest score I could manage. - FF1 I really love this game. I wish there was anything else quite like it out there. Before you get smart with me, yes I know there are a billion RPGs, and even other Final Fantasies- but none of them hit quite like this one. Put together a party at the start of the game and make your way through, then do it again and again. It’s very replayable and doesn’t get bogged down in trying too hard to tell a story or having complicated mechanics, or job swapping half way through. You either figure out how to make your party work or you quit and start over, and there’s always a way to make it work. - Fire Emblem The first one on GBA, often called Blazing Sword. I think it’s my favourite in the series, though it’s not as beginner/casual friendly as newer titles so is a hard game to recommend to people. I absolutely adore its story, so utterly tragic and moving. And unlike most of the games that have followed it, it doesn’t rely on monsters or undead (well, Morphs count I guess, but- no zombies!) which I appreciate. - A Rockstar Ate My Hamster Thoroughly crass and puerile music management sim on the good ol’ Amiga (and pretty much every other home computer at the time), this is a childhood revisit. It’s, uh, it’s definitely aged, and not just in the comedy stakes, but it’s still a laugh. Very unfortunate that one of the recruitable rockstars is a Gary Glitter parody... - Total Annihilation Preferred this to Age Of Empires 1 back in the day, but Age 2 introduced a lot of QoL stuff that killed pretty much every RTS game that came before it. Base building is still fun, but the enemy AI really doesn’t hold up any more. The meekest of rush tactics is enough to completely shut them down. Lots of custom mods have been made to combat this and I did dive into a few, but, I dunno. Something’s missing now. - Touhou, all of em 6- aged badly. Still playable but yikes. 7- aged, but like a fine wine. 1cc’d Hard Mode for the first time ever this year! 8- kind of a weird game, did it invent achievements??? 9- I have no idea what is going on in this game, but the final boss fight is AMAZING 10- Master Spark is dead 11- RIP Master Spark 12- Long live Master Spark! Still love this one, even though the UFO system is weird 12.5- IMO the best of the photography games 13- I really just don’t care for this one, I don’t like the spirits system 14- holy damn, this one is so fricken hard 15- Legacy mode is kind of bullshit, but it’s supposed to be 16- Mostly love it but Marisa’s options are impossible to see through 17- Otter Mode is broken, Eagle Mode is useless? Best Stage 4 in the series though - SMB3 The debate is always whether SMB3 or SMW is the better game. For my money it’s World, but that race is a photo finish by anyone’s metric. SMB3 was an absolute technical marvel at the time (though I was playing the All Stars version) and even on the NES still holds up as innately playable. It hasn’t aged a bit. Played through this on Switch to keep the cat company! He didn’t appreciate it. - Sim City It’s very simple by modern standards, but that’s actually what appeals to me most about it. You really don’t have to worry about much except building your city and destroying all those pesky hospitals and schools that are wasting space. Streamed a megalopolis run just for the fun of it. - SMB2 This was originally a game called Doki Doki Majo Shinpan. - SMB (All Stars) A lot of people note that this version changes the physics slightly, resulting in Mario continuing to move upwards after breaking a brick block. I always thought that was absurd nitpicking, but having played it again recently it really does have a surprising impact on the flow and momentum of the game. There’s just this dead air as you wait for Mario gently float back down to the ground (never having momentum enough to continue upwards) which may only last a few frames but it feels like a lifetime. I take it back, the complaints are legit. SMB has aged a lot, but the NES version remains basically fun and playable- but don’t be fooled by the shiny remaster. It’s not the way to go. - Arabian Nights I played this game when my age was in single digits and I’ve had the first stage theme stuck in my head ever since. It’s actually a pretty rad game, too! Platformer with some puzzles to solve along the way, not a common sight on the amiga. Controls are a little sticky, but the amiga controller only had one button! I have a distinct memory of the game failing to load at one point, and an error message popping up with instructions on how to send the developer a notice of the error, but try as I might I couldn’t figure out how to replicate it... - Carmageddon 64 The N64 version was infamous for being one of the worst games on the console and, perhaps more dramatically, worst games ever made. I never played it around release, but I had a chance to this year. Blimey, they weren’t kidding. I’m not sure why it’s so much worse than the absolutely OK PC version. I didn’t play far into it, I just wanted to see for myself. - Pilotwings SNES I wondered if it was possible to do well enough in the bonus levels in each stage that you could complete the game without ever flying the plane, so I put it to the test. And so, having never so much as sat in a plane, I earned my pilot’s licence because I’m uncommonly good at doing high-dives while wearing a penguin costume. - Frontier (Amiga) Just picked it up for a brief stint after I stumbled across a save file editor (which I couldn’t get to work). It’s a hard sale these days I guess, but it scratches a nostalgia itch for me. - Hopeless Masquerade Touhou fighting game! I’m all around terrible at fighting games and this was no exception. I don’t know what I’m doing. But, playable Byakuren. - Pilotwings 64 Oh dear. Here’s one that should have been left in the nostalgia pile. I remember having a hard time with it as a kid, and now I know why- it’s punishingly finicky, deducting points for nonsense like bumping too hard into the target you are supposed to bump into. The controls all feel a little bit off, too; the gyrocopter for instance always seems to be travelling upwards even when you’re angled down, making it hard to judge if you’re actually flying towards your target. - Ronaldinho Soccer 64 Hahahahaha!!! Sorry. Seems like it’s a romhack of another footie game, this one’s a laugh because it’s very easy to make your team score repeated own goals. The dismay on their faces every time! - F-Zero GX Dolphins are pretty great, aren’t they? I wanted to see how great Dolphins are, so I used this game to test it. Them. Test the dolphins. With this gamecube game. Yeah. - Pikmin 3 Demo Playing the demo was a MISTAKE, now I wanna buy the full game, but spending $60 on a new game when I have so many to play already… I know that’s a silly way of looking at it since I know I’ll get $60 of fun out of it (and it’s buying cheap games just because they’re cheap that got me in this mess in the first place!), but it’s a lot of spons to drop all at once. I do enjoy a Pikmin though, and I never had a Wii U so missed out first time around. - Fire Emblem Sacred Stones After playing through the first (?) title, I wanted more, and this is the closest match. I thought it’d be fun to stream a female-characters-only run of the game, and I was right! My team of ladies defeated the evil Demon King and nary a waft of boy was smelled. - One Way Heroics A roguelike I actually enjoyed! But still only played through to completion once. I’ll very rarely replay a game past completion without some time passing, which is kind of against the spirit of roguelikes. - Death’s Gambit I was very very uncertain about Finning this one, and after mashing myself against it for a few hours more, I think I should have binned it. It’s gorgeous but it hates me. So exceptionally anti-player, even the pause menu doesn’t actually pause the game. That’s just rude! - Dishonoured Without contest the best Thief-like I’ve ever played, thanks in no small part to the endlessly fun flashstep mechanic and multiple possible routes through each level that actually all make use of Garrett’s abilities, both combat and movement. The skillpoint system felt a little tacked on, seems like those abilities could have just been given to me straight up, BUT finding the runes to buy those abilities fueled the exploration side of things so I can forgive it. Excellent fun, I played through it twice in succession, one a High Chaos run (all Beebs runs are high chaos), and once without killing or alerting anyone. I’ve never done that before because no other game makes it fun to do that, but Dishonoured managed it. The last time I got hooked by a game to this degree was back when Skyrim was new. The kitchen suffered dearly for Dishonored’s sake. - Ocarina Of Time It’s aged pretty significantly in a lot of ways, hasn’t it? I didn’t play very far into it, only as far as the first Spiritual Stone. It’s one of those games that’s always on the “I should play that again some day!” list, which then gets passed over in favour of a backlog game. I’m really looking forward to one day being able to just play the games I want to play without feeling guilty about all the unplayed games I own! - Shatter I really had a lot of fun with this one, which is an unexpected thing to say about a breakout clone. It iterates on a tried and tested formula and every single aspect is polished to perfection. Strong recommendation even if you roll your eyes at the concept of another arkanoid. Killer OST. - TF2 Why can’t I quit you? Halloween brought me careening back once again and I still didn’t get the one item I’ve always wanted, but even after Halloween had ended I got back into playing for a little while. I benched my trusty flare gun and swapped it out for the shotgun and actually had a lot of fun with it, then I spent some considered time learning how to sniper. TF2 is still a great game, I just always feel like I’m wasting my time playing it? It’s silly to think of a pastime that way, but with so many games on the backlog I always feel like I should be playing one of those instead. Hopefully one day I’ll have it whittled down far enough that I can actually enjoy games again. - Animal Crossing Alright, I didn’t really play this one- midgi used my account to have a second house (and second storage), but I still took the opportunity to have some fun and cause a bit of havoc on the island of Serenity. - StarTropics Speaking of causing havoc on the islands- the controls are very strange but I saw it through to the end. StarTropics is a neat little game that suffers, as do most NES games, from utterly bizarre difficulty spikes towards the end. Still worth a run if you can stomach that or have save-states. - Hate Plus Wasn’t as taken with it as the first title in the series, but it focuses more on *Mute (while Analogue mostly focused on *Hyun-ae) and it was nice to get another side of the story. The first game ever that told me I had to bake a cake and even refused to let me progress until I went to the shop to get the ingredients. - FF1 (FCC) Same as the Four Job Fiesta, except in FF1 this time! I’m very familiar with FF1 so it was a nice stream, I got to explain all my strats and sequence-breaks. - Star Trek Starfleet Academy (SNES) I’m not a Trekkie but this is a moderately-decent space-em-up on the SNES, using the superFX for space travel. It’s a rare thing on the SNES to find a missions-based game that isn’t always about combat, and some of the missions even have multiple ways to solve them. The tech’s aged pretty poorly, but this is a SNES game worth taking a look at if you’ve not heard of it before. - Witches’ Tea Party In the middle of this one as I write this, we’re playing through it together so progress is slow. Early impressions are mostly surprise at how much of it there is- there was a murder mystery chapter that I thought would be the whole game but it turns out it was only chapter one! They do some real neat stuff with RPG Maker. Good to see. - Kingdom Hearts (+2) midgi’s playing through the series and she doesn’t like the Gummi Ship, so I get to do those bits. It’s basically Starfox but you get to build your own ship, it’s awesome. - Pokemon Fire Red Randomiser Nuzlocke! This is still on-going as I write it. We just got to Cerulean City and crossed Nugget Bridge. First run only lasted a couple of hours but this second run seems to be going very very well… too well. We shall see what awaits us! - Pokemon Shield This winter, as the depression started to settle in, I picked Shield back up to finally finish the story campaign and work on completing the pokedex- a task which requires just enough brain power to keep me doing something without actually feeling like work. Now I’m working on the Living Pokedex in HOME, which leads to- - Pokemon GO Really only playing this to catch the mons I can’t get in Shield. It’s not like I’m actually going anywhere, you know? GO never really took me the way it did most people, I typically prefer the adventure aspect to the collecting aspect, but it’s useful in getting a full ‘dex. - Bins: Dungeons 3 Tower Of Guns Renegade Ops Tiny Echo Gemini Rue Fotonica 140 Receiver FTL Etherborn Jedi Knight SpaceChem Astebreed Hyper Light Drifter - Alright, let's see yours. And what's your Game Of The Year?

[fantasiesandbooks]

Tenerife Sea v

 I don’t own any of the photos

 Prologue Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15

It’s been three days after your talk with Baekhyun and Sehun, the anticipation slowly killing you as your second thoughts about this plan increased with each day that passes. You were creating different scenarios in your mind about how this whole charade could turn out; the good ones where Chanyeol eventually confesses he feels the same way about you and the not so good ones were you could see him not giving it to much attention and even encouraging you to improve your love life as both of you know he couldn’t have a “normal” relationship because of his job and some fans who might not take the news happily if they find out about it. You arrived at your apartment after a tiring day at work feeling bored at the everyday routine there, prepared some dinner and sat on the sofa to watch some series that would distract your mind or at least that’s what you intended to. You were paying too much attention to the tv and your sandwich that it wasn’t until the third buzzing of your phone that you turned to look at it,saw the name of sehun on the screen and answered it.

“Hey” you muffled as you were finishing a bite of the sandwich.

“Hi y/n! How are you?” Sehun said casually on the other side of phone. “Well I don’t want to complain so let’s leave it in I’m surviving” you answered and the boy gave a little chuckle “what about you?” You asked him. “I could say the same. Surviving” you laughed a little and continued eating your sandwich.

“Hi y/n” you could hear Baekhyun yelling on the distance.

“Tell him I said hi” you said to Sehun.

“She says hi” you heard Sehun told the other boy.

“Put her on speaker” Baekhyun said. You heard a couple of weird noises and the boys talking about something you didn’t quite catch.

“so what’s going on?” You said.

“Listen, Baekhyun and I are free on Saturday so we thought that we could see you and discusse the plan about your future fake boyfriend. Are you available that day?” He asked.

“Ahh, sure... I can see you guys” you said. 

“Cool, so we’ll see you then at your place” the silver haired boy said.

“Wait, what?!... Why here?” you said surprised.

“The rest of the boys will be here at home after rehearsal because it’s cleaning day” he answered.

“Fine, but I’m not cooking this time” you said, seriousness in your voice.

“Aaw, y/n” the two boys whined.“You know you’re not the only ones that work and feel tired, right?” You took the last bite of your sandwich.

“Yeah but we really appreciate your cooking” Baekhyun tried to convinced you.

“It’s not gonna work Baek” you said, decisiveness in your voice. Baekhyun made a pouty face that only Sehun could see.

“y/n please, I crave homemade food. It’s not the same without Kyungsoo” Sehun said sadly enough to make you imagined him with a pout on his face too.

“I know” you sighed “I missed him too”.

“And you’re the one who cooks the best after him” Sehun pointed out.

“Ok... I’ll cook but we’ll split the cost of it” you give out.

“Of course!” Both boys said excitedly.

“Ok then, see you on Saturday. You can come around 7pm” you said.

“Cool, see you then” Sehun said “Bye” both boys said at unison and you hang up the phone.

You laid on your couch and gave a heavy sigh I really hope this will work you thought to yourself and close your eyes trying top ut your mind in blank.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friday came around and with it your usually Friday night with Chanyeol. Thankfully you had an easy day at work and even got out a little bit earlier. You went to the supermarket on the way home to buy the things for tomorrow’s dinner and a couple of things to make something for you and Chanyeol. You were entering your building when Chanyeol spotted you a few steps ahead of him and jogged to catch up with you.

“Hey” he said and you turned to look at him.

“Oh, hi Chan” you said surprised, struggling with grabbing all the groceries bags .

“Let me help you with that” Chanyeol said and grabbed two bags from the ones you were carrying.

“Thanks” you said and pressed the elevator button. You gave a quick glance at Chanyeol and smiled. He was holding his phone with the other hand and was looking at it with a frown on his face and his tongue pocking out in concentration. It has always amazed you how he could look like one of the hottest men alive and at the same time like a kid with some gestures he does from time to time. You got lost in your thoughts until you saw how his lips were moving and heard the last words of what he was saying.

“... buy all these?” He said without turning his gaze from the screen.

“What?!” You said, eyes wide open like a deer in the headlights.

“Didn’t you hear me?. I asked you why did you buy all these” He pointed out.

“Ahh... I had in mind cooking dinner tonight and also I don’t want to go to the supermarket during the weekend” you said nonchalantly.

“Ah.. ok then” he said as both of you entered the elevator. The doors closed behind you and you started going up. “So how was your day?” You asked him looking at the screen where the numbers of the floors were displayed.

“It was alright I think, you know... doing the usual stuff” he gave you a tiring smile. “How was yours?”.

“It was better than other days. I got off work a little bit earlier so It was a win for me” you said and he nooded. Man... has the conversations with him lately have always felt so awkward like this one? You thought. You didn’t remember clearly enough the times before your crushing started blooming; when you two could have a simple conversation and even in the silence you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable for it. That seemed to be a long time ago.  Both of you entered your apartment and started placing your things on the couch and table.

“Can you start taking out the groceries? Let me just change my clothes and I’ll start cooking” you said to the white haired boy.

“Sure” he said and started taking the groceries to the kitchen.

You changed to a pair of sweatpants, a tank top and made a ponytail. Your typical “home look” according to Chanyeol. Maybe you should be more concerned about going around looking like that, specially with the guy you want to impressed but you just weren’t the type of girl that takes a whole makeup tutorial just to hang out around her house. These felt more natural, more...you and, If you have one thing clear amongst the other millions that makes you doubt about yourself is that no matter what, you weren’t going to change your whole being just to be with a guy. You walked into the kitchen and saw Chanyeol boiling some water, he took out his hoodie and was wearing a black t shirt along with his sweatpants. You didn’t know if it was his attractive looks or the fact that you have been single for what it felt like ages but every time you were with him you just couldn’t refrain from checking him out and you felt annoyed with yourself because of that. You shook your head to quickly shake those thoughts away and went for the rest of the ingredients “You know I was the one that is supposed to do the cooking, right?” You pointed out.

“Yes but I thought I may started with it if I wanted to get dinner before midnight” he said and gave a half pained laugh when you smacked his arm.

“I appreciate the help. Now move to the living room and let the underrated chef work” you said smugly and went to grab a bowl from the kitchen counter.

“Who told you you could be a chef?” He sneered and crossed his arms over his chest. You turned to look at him.

“Aah... unlike you, the rest of your group really appreciates my cooking thank you very much” you pointed at him with a wooden spoon.

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate it it. I’m just a little bit more... mmm... what’s the word I’m looking for?” He said thoughtfully.

“Ungrateful it is” you smiled at him sarcastically and he glared at you.

“Picky... I was gonna say picky” he clarified.

“If you say so” you said and turned to take the bowl out of the counter. The problem with it was that it was located on the top shelf and you were struggling to reached it out. Chanyeol started laughing and you rolled your eyes, always hating when he or the other boys mocked at you for your shortness compared to the skyscrapers they were. “Let me help you shorty” he laugh-sighed. He went over to where you were standing, getting behind you and reaching for the bowl. “Here” he said and you turned to look at him, at first you were annoyed with him for mocking at you but just like that he gave you his sweet-child like smile and you just sneered and made eye contact with him. You two were so close now and could smell his cologne mixed with his usual scent. For you it was one of the most delicious you have ever smelled in your life, so intoxicating that you could got lost in it.  You two kept staring at each other, both your smiles fading slowly until he suddenly gave a little cough and the imaginary bubble in which you were trapped burst out.

“Mmm... here you go” he extended his hand to give you the bowl and looked away.

“Aah.. thanks” you said awkwardly. “So you go and pick the movie and I’ll finish this, ok” you said quickly turning to grab the ingredients and put them in the boiling water.

“Yeah... I’ll go and... be... here” he trailed off and gestured at the living room. He turned and started walking out the kitchen “If you need help just call me”.

“Yeah, don’t worry” you dismissed a hand at him and turned to look at the stove. When you heard he turned on the tv you released a sigh that was so awkward, Had he noticed I was getting nervous?, why do I feel so unsettled?... no, come on y/n don’t freak out, just be cool... in a normal way that wouldn’t look weird you thought to yourself and carried on with the dinner.

For tonight’s pick you were watching “The Hangover 3”. Although, you found it funny your mind wasn’t completely in the moment. Chanyeol was enjoying it too much if you could say so, even getting teary-eyed laughing from some of the scenes. You two were the kind of people that fangirl/fanboy over the movies but got annoyed if people try to talk to you while you are watching it so most of the times you will wait until the film is over to discussed it or maybe say something quick to each other ears and continue watching it. It wasn’t until he left his plate on the table and turned to give a quick glance at you that he noticed you were absentminded.

“Are you bored?” He asked you. Your gaze focused on him and gave him a side smile.

“Noup... my mind got lost for a moment but I’m paying attention now” you answered him. He paused the movie and turned his body fully towards you.

“I have noticed you do that a lot lately. Are you really ok?. You know you can talk to me about everything and by everything I mean everything” he said with a big frown on his eyebrows.

“Ahg... it’s nothing, just...” you turned to looked at him. He was looking at you intently as if he was trying to read your mind. You, it’s you and other million stuff you thought. “I’ve been really questioning myself about what I am doing with my life” you started explaining “about my job, my love life, me... that and the fact that I missed my family and I’ve been thinking that maybe I should go back” you sighed.

“No” he quickly yelled, eyes big as round plates. His answer startled you and you look at him confused.

“I mean no, you can’t leave” he clarified. “I know you are not happy with your job and I can’t imagine having my family so far away from me but things can get better, I know they will. I can help you with finding a new job and I know it’s not the same but me and the rest of the boys are your family too”. He said calmly.

You smiled at him “Thank you Chan. It really means a lot to me” and he smiled back.

“You’re welcome. Now come and give papa a big hug” he said and extended his arms wide open. You cringed at what he said “Don’t. Don’t call yourself like that” you said and he smiled wickedly at you.

“What?! You don’t like it?. Ok then Maybe I should changed it for daddy?. Come and give daddy a hug.” He made his creepy face, reached out to you and engulfed you in a hug.

“Stop it. You’re such a creep” you laughed as he squeezed you tighter in his embrace while you were struggling to get away from the hug. 

“Don’t try to resist daddy.” He said in his low tone voice trying not to laugh but unable to do it.

“Shut up” you were still laughing and pushing his creepy face away. Eventually he let go of you to hold his stomach from all the laughter he was having.

“Uhg... we were having a lovely moment and you blew it. Mood killer” you glared at him.

“But I made you laugh and that makes an even more beautiful moment” he pointed out, pleased with himself.

“Until your creepy face came to the surface” you said.

”Oh you mean this one?” He asked you and made that face again. You laughed and threw a pillow at him “Get out.” 

“No wait! He have to finished the movie” he said.

“Promise you’ll behave” you said.

“Ok, I’ll behave for the rest of the night” he solemnly said as he put his right hand over his chest. You sneered at him and grab the remote to pressed play on the screen. Both of you settled comfortably again on the  couch and continue watching the movie. This time you were more focused on it and enjoying Chanyeol’s company as you used to, without worrying about your words and putting aside your feelings for him for the rest of the night.

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 The next day you had a busy morning, doing the chores and preparing dinner for the boys.  After finishing all that you decided to take a shower and get ready for your visitors. You finished putting some clothes in the washing machine when the doorbell rang and went to open the door.

“Hi guys! Come in” you said, stepping aside to let Baekhyun and Sehun enter. They greeted you back and took off their caps and masks.

“Do you want something to drink first?” you asked them. Baekhyun watching something in his phone and Sehun looking around as if examining his surroundings.

“Wow, it looks really clean compared to the last time I came here” Sehun said bewildered.

“Hey! I clean every week. Today I did my mid year deep cleaning” you stated.

“It’s October” Sehun pointed out.

“Details” you dismissed a hand at him.

“So... where’s the food? I’m starving” Baekhyun asked looking at the dining table.

“You want to eat right away?” You said surprised.

“Yeah” both boys answered. “I didn’t ate my weekly pizza just so I could have plenty of space in my belly for what you cook for us” Baekhyun smiled at you while padding his belly. You rolled your eyes at him and try to suppressed a smile.

“Ok, have a sit and I’ll come back with the bowls” you said and walked to the kitchen while the other two started moving towards the table. The evening went by rapidly, the boys telling you about their week and you telling them about yours. 

“This is delicious y/n. I could kiss you right now” Sehun muffled as he was stuffing his mouth with a full taco. Baekhyun nodded, opening his mouth big enough to bite half of one.

“Thanks and only if you brush your teeth is how your mouth can touch mine” you said, taking a sip of soda.

“So I heard from a little birdie yesterday was a good night for you two” Baekhyun said wiggling his eyebrows at you.

“You meant a big birdie then if you are talking about Chanyeol” you muffled with a bite of taco on your mouth. Sehun snorted at your response and Baekhyun rolled his eyes at you.

“Fine!, so how was it? Was it good in terms of besties good or good as in you took your heart out and he gladly accepted it?” he asked while grabbing more food.

“The first one” you said and proceeded to have another bite.

“Ahg... you two are impossible” Baekhyun said, disappointment in his voice and Sehun nodded this time.

“I know” you said simply.

“Anyway we have good news. We set you up a date” Sehun said triumphantly. At hearing this you choked with a tiny piece of meat from your taco.

“Whaaaaat?!”you said between coughs, your eyes starting to get teary because of it.

“We set you up a date for the upcoming Halloween party. Super Junior’s members are hosting a party at their place and they said we could told our closest friends too” Baekhyun explained.

“But...” you trailed off, having a mental breakdown at his words. Date, date, I’m having a date. A blind date!, It’s been so long, I’m not ready your mind rushing with all this thoughts.

“Relax. You’re not marrying the guy. See the good side of it, you know him” Baekhyun tried to calm you. “Who is it?” You asked, concern still visible in your features.

“It’s Jackson. Don’t you remember I suggested it the other night?” Baekhyun asked you. Oh yeah you thought, remembering that talk with him but honestly at that moment you didn’t give it to much of a thought.

“And he already knows the situation” Sehun said nonchalantly.

“You told him I like Chanyeol and that I needed a fake boyfriend?” You said incredulously. These fuckers you threw a murderous gaze at them.

“Ok maybe not the entire situation. We only said that you were so lonely these days and that you are going on your own. He was the one that suggested you two could go together and we said “cool” and he said “cool” too and that’s pretty much it” Sehun said “We didn’t mention the fact that you already like a guy which happens to be Chanyeol nor that you want a fake boyfriend. We thought leaving that part to you”.

“Jeez how thoughtfu of you” you said sarcastically.

You sighed, wanting to punch them but making a great effort not to and also wanting to die from the embarrassment you were feeling now. How am I gonna tell Jackson, hey Jackson! Be my fake boyfriend for as long as it takes and I’ll be your loyal servant if you want me to for the rest of your life you thought.

“ I don’t know what to do” you said, placing your forehead on the table.

“Just call him and try to sound smooth” Baekhyun said, grabbing your shoulders so you could lift your head and look at him.

“If you want moral support you can call him now. We’ll be here” Sehun assured you.

“Aah... ok” you exhaled. You started looking for Jackson’s number across your phone and once you found it you didn’t think too much about it and pressed the dial button. The phone rang three times and a cheerful voice greeted you.

“Y/N... it’s been to long since we last saw each other” Jackson said.

“Hey Jackson” you said a little bit hesitant, “I know. I’ve been so caught up with work that it seems I have no social life anymore” you said and he laughed about it.

“Yeah I can relate” he half chuckled.

“Listen I came across Baekhyun and Sehun and they told you’re going to the Halloween party next week” you said trying to sound calm.

“Well, I’m actually going to two parties. Which one are you referring to?” He asked.

“The one at Super Junior’s members place” you clarified.

“Ah yes...oh shit! I forgot about it” he suddenly realized “I was gonna ask you if you want to go with me. I’m sorry! I’ve been so busy that I totally forgot it was next week. That’s why you’re calling, isn’t it?” he asked.

“Aah… yes but don’t worry about it. Actually I was gonna ask you the same thing” you said trying to sound “smooth” as Baekhyun said. You turned to look at the boys and saw Baekhyun giving you a thumbs up.

“ Where did you leave the dessert?” Sehun asked quietly and you glaring at him pointed at the kitchen. 

“Aah” Jackson trailed off. “Sure. If you want I can pick you up that day. Just send me your address and I’ll stop by”.

“Ok then it’s settled. See you on Thursday.” You said, your nerves slowly calming themselves. You expected him asking you more about what the boys had told him but maybe he didn’t remember it or he thought it was inappropriate to talk about it on the phone. Either way you thank the heavens for not having this conversation at the moment as you needed time to think how are you going to explain yourself and try to convince him in helping you.

“Ok, see you. Bye” he sounded as cheerful as when he picked up the phone. 

“Bye” you said and hang up. You closed your eyes briefly and exhaled. The boys cheering with half their mouths stuffed with crepes and ice cream.

“Aaw, see! It wasn’t that bad” Sehun said stroking your head.

“Our baby has a date” Baekhyun cooed and squeezed softly one of your cheeks.

“Ugh” you slapped his hand away and the boys laughed.

“You two are a pair of wackos” you said “but thank you for helping me” you side- smiled at them.

“Anytime” Sehun smiled back.

“You know, I really hope you become Chanyeol’s girlfriend. That way we could have this kind of food more frequently” Baekhyun said admiring and smiling at the food. You laughed at his last statement thinking how silly these two could be although you also thought that it would be nice to be Chanyeol’s girlfriend and have more group dinners with the guys.

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 It was around 01 am when Baekhyun and Sehun entered their dorm. Both guys chatting lightly and laughing at something Baekhyun had said. They rounded the corner of the corridor and see Chanyeol lying on the couch watching the tv.

“Hey Yeol” Baek said and went to sit next to the tall boy, Sehun following him.

“Hey” Chanyeol said. He looked tired, a little bit more than usual but it was kind of normal these days.

“Where had you been?” He asked to no one in particular. “ You sneaked out before we finished with the cleaning and I had to finish doing your laundry, you’re welcome by the way” he said at Baekhyun and smacked his head slightly .

“And that’s why you are my brother from another mother” Baekhyun said and grinned widely at him “Tomorrow I’ll treat you lunch, ok?”.

“You better” Chanyeol frowned and nodded his head slightly. “So... where did the two of you go?”.

“We went to have dinner and time went by” Sehun explained kind of apologetically.

“Was it good?” Both boys agreed but decided not to give him to much information about it. Chanyeol didn’t seem to care much either thankfully.

“Hey! Do you know how are you gonna dress up for Halloween already?” Baekhyun changed the subject quickly.

“I don’t know, I was thinking about other superhero but I did that the last two years so I have not made up my mind yet. What about you two?” Chanyeol asked.

“I don’t know either, I was thinking about a character with a suit or a pirate maybe” Baekhyun answered thoughtfully.

“I was thinking about a villain. Maybe Mysterio or Venom. I’m still thinking about it” Sehun said nonchalantly.

“I just want a costume in which I will be able to seat” Baekhyun suppressed a laugh as well as Sehun and Chanyeol gave them a morderous look.

“Shut up. I rocked my Iron man costume last year” Chanyeol pouted.

“Sure” the other boys sneered.

“Whatever morons” Chanyeol rolled his eyes “Are you going with someone?” He asked so they could forget about his costume.

“Nah. Too much pressure in bringing someone. I would rather go on my own and see what can I find there” Baekhyun said, a mischievous grin appearing on his face.

“Me too. I just want to have fun while I can before the comeback” Sehun said. “And you?” He asked Chanyeol.

“I...” the tall boy scratched the back of his neck “I’m going with someone” he finished. 

“WHAT?!” the other boys half- yelled at unison, looking wide eyed at each other and landing their gaze upon Chanyeol.

“Are you serious? You have a date?” Sehun asked him incredulously. Chanyeol getting uncomfortable about the topic.

“You know going with us doesn’t count as a date, right?” Baekhyun remarked.

“Of course I know that, dumb. I have a date, why you find it so hard to believe?” He asked annoyed.

“It’s not that. It just...well... it’s been a while since you last went out with someone” Sehun stated.

“And I remember you saying you were not looking for a relationship right know and just wanted to focus on your guys album and the comeback” Baekhyun pointed out. Sehun and him with concerned looks in their eyes.

“Yeah well...” Chanyeol said as he started getting up from the couch “maybe I changed my mind. Good night” he said, seriousness in his voice and started walking to his room. Baekhyun and Sehun still couldn’t believed what they had just heard as the sound of a door closing indicated them Chanyeol was out of hearing.

“Fuck... how does this happened?” Baekhyun asked quietly and Sehun shook his head as if having trouble with processing the information his brain just received.

“ Did you know he was seeing someone?. You two have been stuck to each other lately” Baekhyun said to Sehun.

“Of course not. We have had spent most of the time together and I have never once had seeing him with a girl” Sehun explained “there’s no way he could even have the time to have a date in this past months” .

���There’s something fishy here and we have to find out what it is before the party.” Baekhyun said determined and the younger boy nodded. “ Do you think we should tell y/n before she finds out?” Sehun asked. Baekhyun sighed heavily “I don’t know. I’m pretty sure Chanyeol is going to tell her before the party but I don’t want to freak her out more than she already is with Jackson’s date”.

“Tell you what... tomorrow we question him. See if that is something worth of worrying and if is not we should let y/n find out by him.” Sehun suggested.

“I think regardless if it’s important or not we should tell her either way. To soften the blow” Baekhyun said.

“If Tuesday comes and Chanyeol hasn’t told y/n yet, we will tell her then” Sehun said and Baekhyun agreed.

“Ahg... these two are going to kill me someday” Baekhyun complained.

“Tell me about it” Sehun sighed, sinking in the couch. “This totally fucked up our plans”.

“Not...if we play our cards right and at the right time” Baekhyun said thoughtfully.

“What are you thinking?” Sehun asked the other boy.

“I’ll tell you tomorrow. I have to think this carefully” Baekhyun said.

“Ok.” Sehun yawned and stood up “I’m going to bed. Good night Baek” he started walking towards his room.

“Good night” Baekhyun said absentmindedly. He started planning different tactics on his mind for the “getting Chanyeol” operation when tiredness took over him.

“He suddenly feels like to have a relationship” Baekhyun scoffed. Bullshit. I’m going to the bottom of this he thought to himself but for now he will just go and have a proper sleep. Tomorrow he could beat Chanyeol’s ass for being such a nuisance to your guys plans.

   Thank you for reading it, the support and comments <3. I hope you keep liking the series and enjoy this chapter. Halloween and Dia de Muertos is coming, I’m so excited about it! and I think it would be nice if you suggest  me some costumes for the characters before wednesday ^^.

[jawnjendes]

shawn meets... | bella

SUMMARY: in the life of a rockstar, shawn mendes comes across some unique people. sometimes, things stray from the norm. (AU, shawn x every one of my oc’s)

AN: hiiii this is somewhat of a continuation of my last series, goth gf. you dont HAVE to read it to know what's happening here, but there will be references to it every so often. if you've been here since the goth gf days then, hi. i appreciate you. enjoy this shit. let me know ur thots.

****let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

bella's origin story | bella's playlist | masterlist

It felt awfully strange to be in Annalise's hometown, knowing she wouldn't be going home right away. The residential part of North Hollywood where her parents lived still felt like it was a million miles away. The glamorous Lyft Lux was going through the equally glamorous parts of the city, and it was almost mundane despite the fact that she had been away for over a year.

Shawn and his younger sister, Aaliyah, were frequently pointing out the exciting things they had only seen in photos and movies: the Chinese Theater, the Walk of Fame, the Hollywood sign. They were bundles of energy and excitement. Annalise was only jittery because she never fully processed that she lives in the same city as her favorite YouTuber, Bella Santiago.

Over a month ago, Bella discovered the Shawn Mendes profile on Spotify, causing her to give him a shoutout on Twitter. Then, just after the release of his newest EP, In My Blood, Bella messaged Shawn, offering to fly him out to LA, put him in a hotel and make a video with her. Shawn immediately jumped at the chance, but he couldn't go without bringing two of the biggest Bella stans he knew, Annalise and Aaliyah. The only reason why it took until the New Year for this to happen was simple: exams and Christmas.

When the semester ended, Annalise spent the holidays and her 22nd birthday with Shawn's family in Pickering, much to her own family's disdain. It was different, celebrating Christmas on the morning of the 25th, rather than the 24th. It was also different not eating tamales or pozole like she did with her family. It totally wasn't annoying when Shawn blasted that god awful Taylor Swift song on the morning of Annalise's birthday. She totally didn't miss her family either.

She had to promise her parents that she would stay in LA for the duration of the holiday break in return for missing all the important holidays. It wasn't a hard decision to make, but it was going to be hard letting Shawn go. Annalise only hoped that there would be time for him to meet her extended family during this trip. From what she understood, as soon as Bella was done with him, Shawn and Aaliyah were getting on a plane straight back to Toronto.

As it turns out, Bella Santiago is insanely generous. She reserved the three of them a deluxe suite at the Marriott. They had a view of the city, a massive king size bed, and a pull out sofa bed. Everything was spotless, and luxurious.

"She didn't have to go this hard," Aaliyah pointed out as she tossed her suitcase to the side.

"What, would you rather sleep on the floor?" Shawn teased. "And pick that up and move it so it's out of the way!"

She rolled her eyes as she did what he said.

Annalise made herself comfortable on top of the white sheets. While all of this was exciting, she was fucking exhausted. It felt like it was much later in the day, having gotten up at seven. The time change made it feel like it was well in the afternoon, but it was barely eleven.

"How's your tummy?" Shawn asked from the window. He had his phone out and was taking photos of the view.

"Much better," she replied.

Against her better judgment, Annalise had a coffee during the five hour flight, and it did not agree with her. She made good friends with a barf bag… or three. All the caffeine must have left her system if she was feeling better now.

"What time do we meet Bella?" asked Aaliyah, padding over to stand by her brother.

"Three o'clock," Shawn replied. "In the ballroom downstairs."

That prompted all three of them to take a death nap for the time being. It only lasted about three hours, and when their alarms went off, none of them felt any more rested.

Annalise was the first one to actually get up and get ready. For once, she was intimidated by who she was going to be standing in front of today. She had to look her best, even if it was in all black.

It didn't take long for Aaliyah to follow suit. Soon enough, both girls were sitting in front of the window, using the California sun for their light as they did their makeup.

The funny thing is, as much as they cared about looking their best, neither of them were going to be in Bella's video. She only wanted Shawn, who was still lying in bed half an hour before the scheduled meet up.

"What are you gonna wear?" Annalise asked her boyfriend.

"I don't know," he replied, his voice muffled by the pillow. "Will she even care about what I'm wearing?"

"You're gonna be on her channel," Aaliyah said, looking up from her handheld mirror, "which has millions of viewers, including some of my friends who will never let me hear the end of it if they see my brother looking like a clown in front of the queen!"

Shawn grinned and got up. "I'll go like this, what do you think?" He held his arms out, showcasing his plaid pajama bottoms and a Nike hoodie. He also only had one sock on.

"You'll be dead before you step out of the room like that," Ann darkly added.

“Thanks Satan.” He chuckled.

Shawn was only pretending to be calm. Inside, he was shaking and his insides were heavy. He didn't even think about Bella's subscriber count until Aaliyah pointed it out. He really wanted Bella to like him too. She seemed like such a sweetheart from her videos, Shawn hoped that wasn't just a persona.

He had spent most of the flight watching her videos (when Ann wasn’t puking up her caffeine, of course.) He made it through a few tutorials, learning a lot about not only makeup, but Bella herself. She suffers from several anxiety disorders and constantly works to better herself. She left her parents when she came out to them as bisexual, and she hasn't spoke to them or her extended family in years. She recently got out of a relationship with another YouTuber named Ethan Nestor, which was part of the reason why she spent half of 2019 in her hometown of Palm Springs. This woman has some thick skin, there was no denying that.

One of the best things that Shawn learned about Bella was that she had a butterfly tattoo on her left arm. In another video, she talked about how her viewers drew butterflies on their arms in support of her when she was down. She got it tattooed for them, and the colors of the wings were the same as the bisexual pride flag. Shawn looked at his own butterfly tattoo differently now.

The other best thing he learned was how talented of a singer Bella was. She had covers on her channel, and Shawn watched every single one. Bella had such a rich, beautiful voice, and it looked so easy for her to hit any high note. She sang Love on the Brain without any strain on her face. She sang a gayer version of You Belong with Me, and played guitar with it. She sang with Markiplier as the opening act when they were on a comedy show tour in 2018.

Shawn couldn't wait to sing with her, though he was intimidated. He thought he was a good singer, but put him next to someone with Ariana Grande levels of talent? The nerves were never ending.

It was ten til three when everyone was ready. Their only predicament was to go down to the ballroom early or not.

“Did she text you?” Aaliyah asked, clearly antsy. “Is she on her way or anything?”

Shawn shook his head. He had changed into a white tee, black jeans and a denim jacket, which the two girls approved of. “Should I message her? Or… her manager? She’s the one who made all these arrangements.”

“Hey, she might not even be here on time,” Ann said. “YouTubers are like celebrities. They run on their own schedules just because they can.”

“Bella wouldn’t do that, would she?” Aaliyah said in disbelief.

“Only one way to find out.”

And to the ballroom they went. The space was huge, clearly meant for a party. There were sheer white curtains hanging from the huge windows, and a chandelier hanging from the ceiling. In the far corner of the room, tables and chairs were folded and leaning against the wall. Shawn, Aaliyah, and Ann looked around the room, all silently nervous and excited. Only a few minutes into it, they heard female voices just outside the room.

“But we’re always early! I knew I should have driven myself!”

“It’s two fifty-nine! Relax, they’re probably not even here yet!”

“Huh, I’ll be damned,” Ann mumbled, looking at her phone to verify the time.

The owners of the other two voices entered the room, carrying expensive-looking camera equipment and studio lights. They were followed by a bellhop, who was carrying a keyboard in a case. One woman was short and curvy, brown and freckled. Her short black hair was curly and glossed down, and she was wearing a bright red pantsuit.

The other woman was long and lean, decked out in a white long sleeve crop top, a black skirt, and knee high boots. Her iconic bright pink hair made a comeback, that wasn’t in her latest video. Her kind face looked airbrushed and flawless, although her brown eyes looked alarmed, like she was caught in headlights.

The first person to break the silence was the woman in red, already establishing her power. “Hello!” She held her hand out to Shawn. “I’m Sonji, I’m Bella’s manager. I believe we spoke on the phone. And on Twitter.”

“Yeah, yeah we did,” he said as they shook hands. “Uh, this Aaliyah and Ann, my sister and my girlfriend.”

“Hi, ladies!” Sonji greeted, shaking their hands as well. “So lovely to meet you! God, you’re all so pretty!”

Both girls mumbled shy thank you’s.

“Okay, so my handsome friend here and myself are going to set things up for the video,” Sonji explained. “In the meantime-” She looked at her silent client. “-Baller, come talk to your little protégé.”

Then, Sonji led the bellhop further into the room, over by the windows.

Bella still had a bag slung over her shoulder and a massive studio light stand in her hands. She was clutching it to her chest, a very performative and awkward smile etched on her bright pink lips.

“Hi!” she said after one very long second. “Uh - lemme -” She set down the giant lights and removed the bag from her shoulder. Then she stood up straight and smoothed out her hair. “Hi! Uh, I said that already!”

“I’ll say it again! Hi!” Shawn greeted, smiling politely.

Bella looked at him and opened her arms for a hug. “It’s nice to finally meet you!”

It might be weird to put it this way, but she smelled pretty. Whatever perfume she was wearing was probably more expensive than the flight over here. Shawn hugged her around her shoulders, inadvertently touching her surprisingly soft hair. You could just tell that she didn’t spare a single penny when it came to caring for herself.

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting you to be so tall!” she said, looking up at Shawn. “For once, I’m not the tallest person in the room!”

She couldn’t have been taller than Ann, who was five foot five inches and felt very short most of the time.

“And this is the sister and the girlfriend?” Bella said, turning to the other two girls. She went to hug Aaliyah, who was more than delighted by the gesture.

Bella leaned back and took her hand. “I love your nails! Love the shape and color!” She ran her thumb over the white acrylics. “So cute!”

“Aw, thank you!” Aaliyah was beaming.

Then, Bella turned to hug Ann. It’s important to point out that in most situations, Annalise Flores is stone faced, calm, and collected. Today, however, Ann had wide eyes, like she was face the good Lord herself… like she was going to drop down on one knee and propose to Bella.

Shawn wouldn’t blame her.

“Me encanta su delineador!” Bella told her, gently cupping her face.

“En serio?” Ann softly asked.

“Yes, que linda! Those inner wings are to die for! What do you use?”

“Um.. uh, I think it’s NYX? I don’t know the exact one, but it’s definitely NYX!” Ann chuckled nervously.

“Well, it looks amazing!”

Ann looked like she was going to faint with that euphoric dazed look on her face. Thankfully, she stayed on both feet because Sonji grabbed their attention. She managed to sneak by Bella, take the lights and bag, and set them all up by the window. She also set up the keyboard, camera and two chairs. There were three other chairs behind the camera as well. Sonji was incredibly fast.

“We are all ready to go!” she said to the others.

“Shall we?” Bella gestured for the other three to go first.

Shawn, Ann, and Aaliyah went over to the set up, excitement only increasing from here.

"Were you two going to be in the video too?" Sonji asked the two girls.

They both shook their heads.

"Nervous? Don't blame you, the Internet is brutal."

That didn't help Shawn's bundle of nerves. He took a silent deep breath as he went for his guitar case while Bella sat in front of her keyboard. The Internet is brutal, and Shawn's own minuscule corner of it was safe solely because of the size. The fans he tweeted every so often were seemingly normal, and no one was overly critical about him or his music. More exposure means more space for criticism and plain old hate.

Bella had over five million subscribers, and at least forty thousand of them took an interest in Shawn over the last month and a half. It was a lot of new people to make a good impression to. He took another deep breath and removed the guitar from its case. There's no going back now.

"So, I don't want this to be a structured, planned out video," Bella explained when Shawn took the empty chair next to her. "I just want us to talk so my viewers can get to know you, and we'll sing whatever comes to mind."

"Sounds good," Shawn said, not really hearing himself.

"Now everybody - and I mean everybody - take in a deep breath."

The room was silent except for the sounds of everyone inhaling through their noses. Aaliyah and Ann still looked excited as they followed Bella's instruction. Sonji followed as well, like she had done this a thousand times.

"And exhale," Bella breathed out, and the others repeated. "Good. Get those nerves out, breathe away the anxiety. This is fun, we're having fun."

Shawn felt a little better, knowing she was just as nervous, if not more. Throughout all of Bella's mental health videos that he watched on the plane, none of them seemed to touch on how severe her own case was.

Finally, Bella addressed the camera, her soft voice suddenly projected. "Hey, it's Bella! Welcome back to my channel! Today, I'm here with a very special guest! Some of you saw me tweet a while ago…"

Oh god, what the fuck was Shawn going to say? He looked over at Ann, who smiled reassuringly and silently did the motions for deep breathing. Stay calm. You're a strong guy.

"So how long have you been making music?" Bella asked him as she mindlessly pressed keys on her keyboard.

Shawn recalled as best he could. "Uh, I sang covers when I was fifteen. Didn't make my own music until a few years later."

"Nice! Are you in school, or work or something?"

"Yeah, I'm in college. I'm majoring in music and botany."

"Oh, you like plants?"

Shawn was mildly impressed. Most people had to ask what botany is, and he would have to explain for the thousandth time. Then, he would be told to drop the music major because it's easier to find a job in plant science.

"Flowers," he clarified. "I work in a flower shop."

"That's so cool!"

The conversation got easier as time went on. Sometimes Aaliyah or Ann would chime in if they felt that Shawn was getting too confident. Bella giggled every so often, which made everyone in the room adore her even more.

Shawn was about ready to propose when Bella started playing Mercy on her keyboard and humming the beginning. He stared at her in shock for a few seconds before he played along on guitar. Hopefully that didn't look too embarrassing on camera. He listened to her voice for a moment before singing with her in the chorus.

He had plenty of questions for Bella after they went through that song. "Where did you get a voice like that?"

"I could carry a tune as a kid," she explained, "so I was put into singing classes to hone it. Then I did church choir, school choir… I just never really stopped singing." She paused and then chuckled nervously. "This is gonna sound pretentious, but I think I got this voice for a reason. Meaning, I have this platform and all these followers. I think I'm meant to use my voice for good. Help people in whatever way I can."

Shawn smiled. "That's beautiful. I see that in your videos. I kinda went on a binge on the plane."

Bella grinned.

"One thing that stood out to me…" Shawn hesitated, minding the camera and the future viewers of this video. "You are so unapologetically bisexual. You always make the point to the person you needed as a kid, because there is still so little bi representation in the media. And you decided, if no one's going to do it, then you'll do it yourself, and I think that's incredible."

"Yeah, I didn't have anyone telling me it's okay to feel what I feel, and I don't want anyone to go through what I went through as a teen."

Shawn nodded, glancing over at Ann once. He had talked about touching on this particular topic with her, and he was starting to have his own shred of doubt.

But, he learned from his girlfriend. Fuck it.

"I wish I had someone like you as a teenager," he said to Bella, strumming his guitar. "I mean, when I came out to my family, I was lucky. They were loving and accepting, but I still couldn't find anyone out there who was like me, in real life or in the media. I really wish I had found your videos sooner."

Bella was beaming. "I knew I liked you."

The two of them went back and forth between talking and singing. They compared butterfly tattoos, and then Bella was asking him about his other tats. Shawn learned a couple of Little Mix songs too, which led him to discover where his girlfriend got that fixation from. He was mostly amazed at how Bella was able to belt out song after song like it was nothing. Like she was meant for this. Why did she choose to be a makeup artist?

"Have you ever been offered a record deal?" Shawn asked. "Or thought about making your own music?"

"Mm, yes and yes," she said. "But singing is more of a hobby. I can't see myself delving into the music industry at all. Makeup is where it's at for me. Makeup got me through some of the hardest times in my life."

Shawn wouldn't say no to a record deal. He'd move to Los Angeles tomorrow if he could. He would do just about anything to play music full time. He glanced over at Ann again, who winked with a smile.

next chapter

_______

taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @justordinaryjen @chillingbythesea @iloveshawnieboi @shawnsunflower @someoneunimportantxx

[pbwsports]

How the coronavirus is forever changing the way MLB connects to fans

IT BEGAN WITH the hype video that was supposed to introduce the 2020 Los Angeles Dodgers on Opening Day. Organist Dieter Ruehle followed by playing the national anthem and "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" from his home piano. Third baseman Justin Turner, closer Kenley Jansen and manager Dave Roberts shared updates on their suddenly monotonous lives. Comedian George Lopez cracked jokes at the Houston Astros' expense and country musician Brad Paisley wore a Dodgers sweatshirt that described the team as "2017 World Series Champs."

Along the way, the Dodgers' first live Zoom event provided its fair share of predictable glitches -- ringing cellphones, awkward silences and buffering videos, one of which distorted an uplifting message from Vin Scully. Joe Davis, the Dodgers' play-by-play voice pressed into virtual hosting duty, cringed through some of the technical difficulties. He thought social media would be as unforgiving as usual. He was wrong.

Major League Gamers

How video games are bringing MLB players and fans together. Joon Lee »

"The people appreciated whatever we were able to do, even if the video was skipping a little bit, or there were audio issues, or somebody dropped out at some point," Davis said. "The general sense was that it was like, 'So what?' There was an appreciation, it seems like, from the fans that there was something baseball-related to be able to cling onto and distract them for a night."

The Dodgers initially planned to host 1,000 fans at their first "Zoom Party" on April 27. They ultimately opened it up to 11,000 people. Over the next couple of weeks, the guest list increased to 12,000 and then 15,000, proving two key points about this unimaginable period: Teams are trying anything and everything to fill a massive void amid the coronavirus pandemic, and their fans are here for it -- a dynamic that could change the fan-engagement experience forever.

There have been re-airings of old postseason games, broadcaster calls of home movies, training tips from coaches, bedtime stories from players and bracket-style tournaments for items such as jerseys and bobbleheads, all in an effort to create content in a time when baseball's main content pipeline -- live games -- is shut off.

Ryan Zimmerman interviewed Dr. Anthony Fauci, a diehard fan of the Washington Nationals. Miami Marlins catcher Francisco Cervelli taught viewers how to make focaccia. Kansas City Royals director of behavioral science Ryan Maid hosted "Mindfulness Mondays" to provide tips on living in the moment. The Cleveland Indians offered instructions for creating games out of items in one's sock drawer. And former Astros infielder Geoff Blum hosted a series called "Feel Good Stories For The Heart" in hopes of providing some much-needed positivity.

Major League Baseball and the MLB Players Association also teamed up to create an MLB The Show Players League, where big leaguers went head-to-head in video game matchups that were livestreamed on Twitch and broadcast on television during the virtual playoffs, culminating in a final showdown between Tampa Bay Rays ace Blake Snell and Chicago White Sox ace Lucas Giolito that aired on ESPN.

From making pancakes to playing baseball with Charley, follow @ClaytonKersh22 and his family in this episode of A Day in the Life with the Kershaws.

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"We want to give everybody sort of a relief from what's going on, and if we can help them and we can entertain them, we've succeeded," Dodgers chief marketing officer Lon Rosen said of his own team's strategy. "We're in a really difficult time right now. We all feel like we're gonna come out the other end and life will come back to some normalcy, but until then, we wanna make sure that we're connected to our fans and our fans are connected to us. And that's our mission."

In pursuit of that, the Dodgers arranged for their director of player performance, Brandon McDaniel, to guide fans through in-home workoutstwice a week. They handed a smartphone to Ellen Kershaw so that she could record her husband, Clayton, flipping pancakes and playing Pop-A-Shot. And they utilized Ross Stripling, their agreeable right-handed pitcher, for an interview series with some of his teammates. Davis himself has hosted his own cooking show and also started a podcast with his broadcast partner, Orel Hershiser. The response floored him.

"We've had multiple people tell us that it brought them to tears to hear us, multiple people tell us that it's the best part of their week when that comes out, and their favorite thing during the quarantine," Davis said of the podcast, called "Off Air." "Man, we're just trying to have a fun conversation. We started it realizing the void that everybody was feeling with no baseball, but I don't think we fully appreciated how big that void was."

MARCO GONZALES LEFT Arizona shortly after MLB effectively closed spring training complexes on March 15. He hopped in the car with his wife and their dog and drove 1,400 miles to his home near T-Mobile Park, returning to Seattle -- the country's first coronavirus epicenter -- for the first time in more than a month.

Gonzales, the left-hander announced as the Seattle Mariners' Opening Day starter less than a week earlier, was struck by how a bustling city could feel so desolate. Parks were empty, traffic was nonexistent, stores had shuttered, and the few people he saw, usually at the local supermarket, dressed as if they were "going into surgery." The anxiety was palpable, omnipresent, and it helped spur Gonzales into action. He donated blood, partnered with a local hunger-relief agency and stepped outside of his comfort zone to help entertain a populace desperate for levity.

The best of MLB social media

Here are just 10 of our favorite recent social media plays from around MLB.

Just for fun:

A's: Broadcaster calls home movies Cubs: "Parks and Rec" crossover Dodgers: Zoom parties Marlins: Cervelli makes focaccia Phillies: Story time with Bryce & Fanatic

Quarantine-inspired:

Astros: Feel Good Stories For The Heart Indians: Sock-drawer sports at home Nats: Zimmerman interviews Dr. Fauci Orioles: Phone Call Fridays Rockies: Out-of-context quarantine tips

The latter morphed into a weekly interview podcast called "Inside Corner," which Gonzales co-hosts alongside Mariners broadcaster Aaron Goldsmith through the team's YouTube channel. Catcher Tom Murphy and fellow starters Taijuan Walker and Justin Dunn have made up the first three guests. Murphy spoke from his dining room, which features a 400-pound black bear he snagged on a hunting trip. Dunn, now 6-foot-2, revealed he was shorter than his 4-foot-11 grandmother when he entered high school. Walker estimated owning 400 pairs of sneakers.

"I miss baseball, I miss that interaction with my teammates," Gonzales said. "And I think the goal of this, ultimately, is for fans to get to know us a little bit better away from the field, and to feel like they're a little more connected to us."

It's part of an ironic twist in all this -- a time that is keeping fans from baseball is also allowing them, in some respects, to feel more connected to those who play it. During the season, their time is precious. During the offseason, their time is sacred. But now athletes are stuck at home waiting this out, with unkempt hair and a dwindling supply of toilet paper, just like the rest of us. To pass the time, many have offered rare glimpses into their personal lives and have seemingly become more willing to reveal their true personalities. Gonzales has acted as a willing tour guide.

"The guys that I've dealt with, they want people to get to know them as people," Gonzales said. "Because a lot of times when we're on the field, we're in a mindset, we're in a mentality, that is rare to us as a person. We're in a competitive, testosterone-driven mindset, whereas right now, when we're stuck at home, and we have a chance to talk to each other, it's a lot different communication. And I think that people will hopefully see that."

Our video editor has been itching to make a hype video. Behold...

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Kevin Martinez has been overseeing the Mariners' marketing efforts for the past quarter-century. Four days after MLB suspended its season, Martinez led a meeting that served as a brainstorming session for how the team could pivot in its content strategy and fill an unprecedented void in a reeling city. Martinez saw it as "an opportunity to innovate and think differently."

It led to a hype video of home movies, a series of tutorials from Mariners coaches, an MLB The Show tournament pitting fans against players, and Gonzales' podcast.

"Seattle has been one of the most affected by this, and one of the first for sure," Gonzales said. "We're trying to get behind the notion that we'll be one of the first to overcome it and really show the rest of the country what it looks like. Right now, all we can do is try to fill everybody up with some optimism, put some good content out there, and try to just give people that hope that we're gonna get back to normal as soon as we can."

#NewSociallyDistantProfilePic

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BY NATURE OF their status in local communities, sports teams can often serve as information hubs for regions. The Boston Red Sox, for example, represent the baseball team for all six states in the New England region, making Twitter -- where the team has more than 6.1 million followers -- an ideal platform to distribute factually verified information regarding the pandemic. Kelsey Doherty, senior manager of digital media for the Red Sox, says the team has kept in touch with the Massachusetts Department of Public Health and the State House to stay up to date on the best official safety measures.

"It's a little nerve-wracking every time I put out any of that messaging, because especially early on, things were changing so rapidly about what was or wasn't good for you or how you're supposed to go about things," Doherty said. "We were linking a lot to the Mass Department of Public Health, but we're also trying to put the Red Sox spin on it. This weekend we put out, 'How far is 6 feet really?' And it's like, 'It's one Rafael Devers away.'"

The Red Sox are far from the only team to use its social media accounts to pitch in. Zimmerman's interview with Fauci, via the Nats' Facebook page, delved into plans for slowly and safely restarting the economy. The Colorado Rockies are one club that sponsored a mask-making project, reaching out online to distribute free team-branded masks to front-line workers. New York Yankeesfirst baseman Luke Voit connected with medical staff at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital. The Baltimore Orioles have been holding Phone Call Fridays, when members of the team check in on fans and first responders.

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There have been other notable effects. With no games on the calendar for the near future, each team's social media account now represents the primary connection clubs have with fans on a daily basis. Typically at this point in the regular season, an internationally iconic team like the Yankees is focused on building hype around the club, selling individual game tickets and targeting tourists who might be coming into New York. Stephi Blank, senior manager of digital and social strategy for the Yankees, says the pandemic has flipped the team's social focus upside down.

"Especially when thinking about targeting individual game ticket buyers, tourism in New York City is something that is a massive industry, and talking with our colleagues at Broadway and others, you see that so much of the individual game, the individual ticket buyers, come from people who are outside of New York who don't live there," Blank said. "That had been a big focus of ours prior to this, but New York has been the epicenter, and we've been focusing a lot more on our local fans."

With no team to root for or games to play, teams are reframing their social media presence to think about fandom as a lifestyle.

"It's new territory," Doherty said. "I always joke that I am so grateful that I work in sports because our content can change day to day based on a win or a loss or who had a big night, and now suddenly I'm in this uncharted territory and everyone in sports is, where it's like suddenly we aren't dependent on that and we're dependent on our history, the lifestyle, the fan base and the culture around the team."

Luke Voit recently surprised frontline medical heroes from our partner @nyphospital to show his appreciation for their strength and hard work. @LLVIII40

241 people are talking about this

THE LACK OF day-to-day, game-centric content leaves more room to experiment. The Yankees have dabbled in more player personality-driven content, posting intentionally lo-fi workout videos from the likes of Giancarlo Stanton and Luis Severino, shot in vertical video on an iPhone. Yankees head of communications Jason Zillo says the lack of wins and losses allowed baseball's most traditional brand to let loose and have some fun.

"[Player-personality content] is not only a neat concept, but I think this has legs to live long beyond the pandemic," Zillo said. "The thing that constantly is a push and a pull during a baseball season is that games matter so much. And you have to temper 'fun' things up against the fact that every day, there's a game that you're trying to win at all costs. There has to be a measure of caution. If you've lost six of eight games, my first mindset isn't, 'Let's do something fun.' It's like, 'Let's kind of scale back and then when we've won six of eight, then maybe we can push more of the fun stuff.'"

Social media follows for shutdown

From Twitter to Twitch, these 10 players are providing a window -- often silly, sometimes serious -- in an unprecedented time in baseball history. Joon Lee »

Baseball is unique among sports in its challenge of creating inclusive, compelling social media content. The schedule is arduous -- nearly every single day, often for about 10 hours, from the middle of February until at least the end of September -- and the culture can often feel repressive. Marketers have mostly found players to be less motivated to promote themselves, both because of the volume of their workload and the guaranteed nature of their contracts. Teams, in some respects, have taken a relatively conservative approach on their digital platforms.

But maybe that'll be different now.

"It has been a challenging time," Martinez, the Mariners' senior VP of marketing, said, "but it's been a time for innovation, and a great opportunity to create fans with our players in ways we haven't explored before."

While baseball has been slow to adapt to the new age of social media, the pandemic plopped a mirror in front of many teams. Many took that as an opportunity to try something new -- and have seen it bear fruit.

"You hear a lot of people from a lot of different walks of life saying, 'Use this time to get better at something,'" Zillo said. "I think baseball, as a whole, has, when it comes to looking under different rocks, now is really using social media and all of its tentacles to reach as many fans as possible."

Source - ESPN

[snkpolls]

SnK S3E19 Poll Results (Anime Only Viewer Version)

The poll closed with 141 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note this is the anime only viewer version of the poll. Manga readers, please click here for the results of the manga reader poll!

RATE THE EPISODE 121 Responses

As has been the trend this season, the episode received high ratings, although the number of lower ratings did increase this episode.

I just love this show

Felt very bloated, and could have been cut down to ~12 minutes

I thought it had really poor animation relative to other episodes.

Mind blowing

its great

awesomely emotional

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 123 Responses

26% of respondents most enjoyed the basement reveal, finally seeing the goal the characters have been fighting to achieve since the beginning! Followed closely behind that at 18.7% was getting to see young Grisha and his little sister in their childhood beyond the walls. 10.6% most enjoyed the sequence of Eren and Mikasa walking through Shiganshina.

ZEPPELINS

WHAT’S THE SIGNIFICANCE OF ARMIN SEEING THE COLOSSAL TITAN CRYING, SAYING “IT HURTS?” 123 Responses

40.7% of viewers believe that this scene highlights the way the transferring of memories works when a titan is passed onto another individual. 23.6% believe he’s simply tuning into Bertolt’s emotional pain from everything that’s happened. 14.6% believe this is a hint at how passing on the titan power works.

A combo of a few of these options. I feel like he’s reviving Berdolt’s last thoughts and current thoughts due to the Titan power transfer.

His subconscious was just combining the Colossal Titan with what Sasha was saying right next to him.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT CARLA’S SHORT HAIR? 121 Responses

Overall viewers were neutral to Carla’s random hairstyle change, with the varying reactions toward it leaning in the negative more than the positive.

DO YOU FEEL THAT LEVI HOLDS ANY REAL RESENTMENT TO EREN AND MIKASA FOR GOING AGAINST HIM? 122 Responses

Over half of the fandom, at 56.6% believe that Levi doesn’t have any hard feelings toward Eren and Mikasa for their behavior against him in the previous episode. 35.2% thinks he probably does, but only just a little. A smaller percentage feel that he probably resents them a lot now.

He may not admit it but he probably feels gratitude towards them for making him realize how much pain Erwin felt in life, and the reason Erwin was so thankful to Levi for resigning him to a heroic death.

He seemed pretty damn mad last episode, but looks to have gotten over it by now, so I doubt it.

Maybe a little, but he understands why they acted like that

Yes and no. He does because they disobeyed his orders but he knows deep down if he was in Eren and Mikasa’s shoes he’d do the exact same thing.

DO YOU FEEL THAT ARMIN AND/OR HANGE SHOULD BE EXPECTED TO FILL ERWIN’S SHOES? 122 Responses

45.1% of viewers feel that Armin and Hange shouldn’t pressure themselves into being more like Erwin, but that they should instead find a way to lead that works best for both of them. 30.3% of respondents believe that they should do their best to live up to Erwin’s legacy. 23% believe that Armin should not be expected to hold up to Erwin’s standards, but that it is Hange’s duty to do so as the new commander of the Survey Corps.

Dot Pyxis

HOW DID THE SEQUENCE OF EREN AND MIKASA WALKING THROUGH SHIGANSHINA MAKE YOU FEEL? 121 Responses

32.2% of viewers felt nostalgia as Eren and Mikasa took their first journey through Shiganshina for the first time after 5 years. 30.6% simply felt sad for everything that the two lost during the fall, and 25.6% felt that the flashes between the past and present were pretty cool.

I was almost in awe of how well-done it was in general. It was almost like an out-of-body experience.

I was glad to see Hannes again

IT WAS REVEALED THIS EPISODE THAT HUMANITY OUTSIDE THE WALLS IS THRIVING. THOUGHTS? 121 Responses

38.8% of respondents had suspected that there were only a few people who lived beyond the walls, but not an entire society. 35.5% suspected that humanity beyond the walls was just fine after they learned about the other titan shifters. 9.3% of viewers were genuinely surprised by the reveal in the basement!

Expected since Ymir origin

I assumed there would be a bunch of small, tribal-esque settlements struggling to survive amongst the titans. I wonder how they got so advanced despite all the titans wandering about. How do they control them with no Coordinate? What is their purpose?

I knew there was an outside civilization since Ymir’s flashback in season two, just didn’t expect it to be so advanced

I thought the hometown was some kind of camp, with some hobos trying to ruin everyones life... boy was I wrong...

I was a little spoiled

When they found erens dad outside of the wall

Zeke kinda gave it away in episode 26

The basement reveal did not disappoint. After the sheer amount of buildup, the reveal needed to be a true WTF that changed EVERYTHING, and it was. I have never been so goddamn torqued in my entire life.

Although we have had a lot of great reveals over the past few arcs, this is the first one that recaptured how I felt when I saw Eren emerge from his Titan for the first time: the feeling that everything I thought I knew was wrong and that there are still so many things I don't know about this world. It's one of the things that made me fall in love with the show. It seems like anything is possible going forward. I'm nervous, but also curious and excited.

It drastically has changed my perspective on the whole entire show now.

THE EPISODE ENDED WITH A DRASTIC CHANGE IN TONE AS WE BEGIN A RECOLLECTION OF GRISHA’S MEMORIES OF HIS LIFE OUTSIDE OF THE WALLS. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT GETTING TO WATCH HIS STORY UNFOLD? 120 Responses

70% of viewers are feeling very excited to learn more about the outside world, while 16.7% are most excited to learn more about Grisha. 8.3% of viewers are looking forward to learning about the outside, although perhaps less thrilled about seeing it through Grisha’s eyes.

Heard it goes to shit with the genre change. I hope I'm thrilled with it, but the general vibe of my manga-only peers doesn't give me much hope.

I have a feeling this is gonna explain a lot about the outside world, but not the titans themselves. Frankly, I’m so hyped to see where this goes!

I’m very excited to learn more about the outside and Grisha

Hyped for Grisha's story!

COMPARED TO THE FEEL OF SEASON 1, HAS THE DIRECTION OF THE STORY MET YOUR EXPECTATIONS? 119 Responses

The overwhelming majority of viewers are feeling very pleased with the direction of the story, agreeing that it gets better and better as it progresses. 12.6% feel that it didn’t meet their expectations, but that it’s not a bad thing at all. A smaller percentage didn’t have their expectations met, but are still curious about where the story goes from here.

There’s no other way to put it then season 3 part 2 has been the best thing I’ve watched in years, maybe ever. The character development, the hints about the outside, HUGE changes to the show when it comes to characters getting Killeen off, everything about this show makes me genuinely excited for each new episode. These past 7 episodes have all truly been masterpieces.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

Amazing music

I feel like we just finished the world’s longest tutorial and the real gameplay is about to begin.

I wish we spent more time with the books that Eren had the key for before seeing our teaser for the next EP. I feel like we got just a tiny bit of info and I wanted more but I’m sure it’s coming eventually.

Boring filler with a redeeming after credits scene

I waited so long for the reveal I can’t wait for the rest of the season.

I loved the music in this episode, especially the track that played when Grisha took Faye's hand and started running. The OST for this season can't come out soon enough!

Also, Faye was pretty cute, though that just makes me think something bad's gonna happen to her.

Where do titans factor into all this? Are there as many titans as we think? Are they tools of war? Do civilians know about titans? Are shifters basically their militia? How do they get such crazy powers? How many questions are gonna stack up in my mind by the end of the season?!

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 116 Responses

Thanks again to everyone who participated. See you again in a few days!

[holdharmonysacred]

The Gilbert twist at the start of PH is kind of a perfect first taste of what the series does, with Gilbert getting introduced and set up as a major character in the first two chapters, only to just vanish from the plot after Oz gets yeeted into Hell, and then we get introduced to Raven and he seems like just the token 20-something Tall Dark and Edgy brooding gunslinger man, but he’s got Gilbert’s hair and eye colors, and he seems both big brotherly and also super awkward around Oz, and there’s juuuuuust enough to make you wonder, but it’s not really dwelled on at first because we have a Mid-2000s-Era Shounen Manga Tutorial Mission Arc(TM) to deal with. But then once that’s done the manga reminds us that, oh yeah, Oz has family he left behind when he got yeeted into hell, his friend Gilbert especially felt like he was gonna be important but he just kinda got booted out of the plot... and then the manga points out that, actually, it’s kind of weird that Oz got sent on a Shounen Manga Tutorial Mission instead of getting immediately reunited with his family... and then we finally get that trip back to the mansion... and we see that it is inexplicably all run-down as if it’s been abandoned for years... and right as both Oz and the reader are starting to go “Wait... there’s something wrong here”, Noise shows up and drops the reveal that attentive readers should be suspecting at that point, that there was actually an offscreen timeskip and it’s been ten years since Oz got yeeted into hell, and suddenly all the weirdness of why nobody wanted to let Oz go home or why “Raven” has all these Gilbertisms makes a horrifying amount of sense.

It punched me in the face when I was 13 and reading the series for the first time but now that I’m way older and reread the series good I can see all the hints and exactly how and why this twist works and goddddddd it’s so good. The misdirection going on with having Oz up to that point only hang out with two dipshits who can’t age + the guy he knows who has aged, but is so completely different from how we first met him you have to be galaxy brain-ing to put two and two together, especially when we’ve followed Oz this whole time and for both him and us he was only in hell for a couple hours-a day tops. And this is just the basic baby tutorial plot twist!!!!!!! This is just the first punch!!!!!!! The rest of the twists in the series get even wilder!!!!! It’s amazing to read the series when you know what happens because you get to see just how much all the twists were built up even as the series was distracting you with other shenanigans.

And then also once it gets revealed that Gilbert is Gilbert all of the Tall Dark and Edgy shenanigans just get dropped. He stops acting like an edgelord and he’s just Gilbert but older. Any dignity he had as the cool gunslinger type just goes out the window once he gets outed as Oz’s awkward dorky friend who everybody dunks on, he’s just Gilbert now. It makes the edgier parts of his character that do stick around feel just so much more natural now that he’s stopped Playing Up An Image and is just back to being how he actually is.

[8ball-the-angry-marine]

Steam’s Fucked Up Again

So a friend of mine recently got scammed by someone impersonating not only a high-tier trader, but a Opskin bot.  Now my issue is when I was walking the person through how to report a scammer and get their item back I noticed a new change in policy since I was scammed back like a year or more ago.

Here’s the policy regarding item returns due to any factor:

Steam Support will no longer restore lost items. Items often exchange hands multiple times before a restoration request and this means they cannot be restored without duplicating them or removing them from another innocent user’s inventory. Duplicating items has a negative impact on everyone who trades or uses the Market by lowering the value of items.

In short they don’t want to return (duplicate) your item because they don’t want to lower item values and get less money, fucking lazy pricks.  They don’t wanna impact the 1% high-tier traders that have 100+ unusuals they sell at an over-inflated price and won’t budge, but fuck the rest of us that have a couple nice hats and don’t amount to the 30000 USD backpacks they have.

First off people don’t care about duplicates as much anymore.  Some might use it as a negotiation point to lower the trade by a few dollars/keys, but usual they’re lowering an already inflated price.  Like I said though, most don’t care about it being duplicated.  I definitely don’t because at the end of the day: it’s a fucking pixelated hat.  There’s been a couple of TF2 youtubers that have discussed this point before and most (if not all) agree they don’t care either.  

Secondly if Valve is so concerned about the economy then maybe they shouldn’t have done a stupid thing like do 2x the Unusual drops during Halloween, but only do it for 4 effects that make them practically worthless, even all-class hats (I got a Merc’s Mohawk that in the other effects sells well, but since I have a Halloween 2016 effect no one wants).  Maybe don’t ignore your game so much (yeah people have defended Valve’s staff dedicated to TF2, but it’s really so meager and they have the money to hire new staff to fix many of its problems) and put a little more effort in regulating the rising costs of keys/declining cost of Refined Metal (the Virtual Economist put out a great series of videos explaining this problem and some solutions).

Lastly maybe actually have a decent staff dedicated to customer support.  I’m sorry, but the fuckers that run Steam Support are the laziest, unprofessional bunch of fucks I’ve ever seen.  The last time my items were stolen it took 2 fucking months to get that resolved and this was after I was hacked when having all of Steam’s recommendations on.  You fucking put in your ticket and they take forever to get to it (it’s basically an unofficial part of the Support tutorial to wait at least 2 weeks for a response) and maybe just maybe they’ll handle your problem.  To top that now they won’t even give back you items when it was really steam that fucked up.  Maybe you got scammed, but when Steamrep (a great third party site that details violations done by users and can tell you if a profile is trustworthy) says they’ve had them marked for 60+ days as a scammer, backpack.tf/tf2outpost.com has them banned, but Steam still hasn’t done anything to them to prevent them from scamming then it’s their fault.  All the third-party sites did their part, but Steam basically ignored the problem and that way the scammer can still have access to scamming individuals via Steam trade.

And really this is a long standing problem with Steam and their economy (and not just TF2): they act like they just don’t fucking care.  I’m not even gonna go into the amount of hackers I’ve seen in servers, well maybe just this one story:  couple of weeks back I ran into a hacker that claimed he was banned from 25 other secondary accounts he had.  He had no problem with just making another since Steam doesn’t ban IP addresses. Steam does VAC ban, but honestly it does nothing in the long run to stop you truly from just making another account. It’s between that and the “new policy” on trade scam returns that really just pisses me off with this whole service.  At least with EA I can call someone and get results fast.  Hell even Ubisoft has online chat that can help.  Steam?  It’ll take 2 weeks to hear back from us. Fuck you Steam.

[stonetalus]

thoughts on Breath of the Wild (pre-completion)

This game is phenomenal. I think it’s absolutely worthy of the high praise it’s been getting. I’m fairly new to the Zelda series (haven’t beat a single game, but played three of them) and I gotta say I’m blown away. With that outta the way I’m gonna block the rest of my thoughts into sections like usual - also this is going to have spoilers! Be warned.

GRAPHICS -

I absolutely ADORE the art direction of this game. I was surprised and kind of disappointed to see that Nintendo was still going to go with the intense lighting of Wind Waker HD plus a relatively simple style at first, but first impressions aren’t always the same as experiencing it. I think I judged the visuals a little too quickly because this has some of the best visuals I’ve seen. The environments are extremely varied and distinguished, but it feels less like Nintendo was checking off things from a list like “sand area - check, ice area - check,” or what have you - it feels like they made a living world. All the different climates/environments you find yourself in have their similarities, but they all feature varied architecture, land features, and creatures that make them feel like an actual place. Of course I might be exaggerating a bit, but I really enjoy seeing how people might have adapted to live in these areas - like how it’s visually implied the Gerudo making their city’s walls out of clay in the cliffs nearby, or how the people on the Plateau carved massive structures from the stone. I LOVE that. Breath of the Wild’s open world is new, massive, and it feels lived in, and the details I mentioned just drive that “lived in” feeling home. 

MUSIC -

Breath of the Wild really surprised me here! I was expecting some serviceable Adventure Music, but instead I got a fantastic blend of musical styles, some traditional, and some experimental. At the beginning of the game, you’re listening to what you expect out of a Zelda game (big grand orchestral music), but later on you hear orchestral crossed with electronic music, you hear music that’s mainly percussion, or maybe something that’s laden with brass instruments which break up the sections of the world you’re in really nicely. The music really adds to the feel of this game and I think playing without sound on is a disservice. The music in Breath of the Wild adds so much more to the emotional beats of the story. Hearing hints of past Zelda tracks in the music of the world reflects the idea of memory (both your memory and Link’s lack of memory that is) since it’s recognizable, but you can tell there’s been so much change that you perhaps weren’t expecting. Oh another thing I really enjoyed was music as a sense of contrast. For example, most of the time while you’re out in the world you don’t hear much of anything instead having environmental ambient noise filling your ears, which evokes a feeling of loneliness in some ways, but upon reaching a town, riding a horse, or even fighting you get this reminder that you’re not the only person in this world and there are forces looking to help or hinder your quest. I love the divide the silence and music brings. Anyway, the music is GREAT.

GAMEPLAY -

Again, I was surprised. I didn’t know what exactly to expect since I tended to avoid trailers for this game and I haven’t had much experience with the Zelda series as a whole, but I feel like whatever notions I had of Breath of the Wild before playing were completely unlike the game itself. When I saw that the game was going to be open world and that its map was massive, I feared the worst and thought the lack of experience with open worlds such as this and map size would act as a detriment to the experience. It wasn’t. The environment doesn’t feel like a chore to traverse, it feels like an adventure (pardon the cliche). I really love the movement mechanics and I think being able to climb on nearly everything adds a lot to the overall experience. Being able to see something in the distance and being able to go to it immediately is such a refreshing thing to me. The only limits you have on traversing what’s ahead of you are really are all under your control. If you don’t have enough stamina to climb a mountain, then you can solve that. If you don’t have the equipment to take on a massive beast, then you can solve that too. It’s all very much player-centric. That player responsibility carries on in the combat, too. Every fight is defined by how you approach it. If you go into a pack of bokoblins with a tree branch and the best intentions, you’re probably going to see the Game Over screen often. Or you could start a fire and burn the dry grass surrounding that pack with that very branch. It’s all very open ended. I’ve never felt like a game over was unfair in this game due to the game’s focus on player responsibility. This game also isn’t hand-holdy - it definitely extends that hand to you early on - but you don’t have to accept it. You, of course, have to do SOME amounts of tutorial things here and there, but the game respects your intelligence and also understands that sometimes concepts are better learned when experienced than when told about. I really have one heck of a time when playing this game.

STORY -

Like the music and the graphics, the story is familiar, but different. I haven’t come close to seeing all of it, but so far I’ve been pleasantly surprised to find it’s far more than “Mighty Hero Defeats the Bad Guy.” Of course that’s still a major part of the story, but BotW has built on that concept a little more. There’s a strong motif of memory and how things have changed, a bit of nature vs machinery, a hint of teamwork making the dream work, and a lot more. The story feels less overt (?) in that it’s not being shoved in your face the whole time. The story’s taken the back seat of the player’s metaphorical car. The game’s telling you where to go and why, but it’s up to the player to decide how. Much of the fun I’m having when it comes to the story is hearing my friends’ stories about how they tackled a certain quest. I think the gameplay really makes it so that this is both the game’s written story and the player’s own experiences as they journey on. I can’t wait to see what’s next in the narrative.

CLOSING THOUGHTS -

I haven’t beaten the game yet and I’m not really close to beating it either, so my thoughts aren’t necessarily representative of the game as a whole. However, I feel that nothing’s going to change much as I continue. This game is so solid that I can’t imagine something changing how I feel about it drastically. Breath of the Wild is one of the best games I’ve ever played. It feels like a grand step in the right direction for Nintendo as every part of the experience feels perfected and polished and I really recommend it. This is clearly a game that has something for everyone, and for that I commend the developers.

[alittlebitoflizi-blog]

Worth The Hype? RCMA No-Colour Powder

Firstly, Hiya, it's me again. I know it's been a while but I'm a part timing bitch who gets distracted easily. I'm back now, for real this time...maybe.

I've been going through one of those "what am I doing with my life" stages again. Im currently lying in bed in the dark, tissues stuffed up each nostril, sucking on a soother and feeling sorry for myself. I don't wanna be dramatic but I think I could actually be dying. I even got up, ready, had an argument with my lad about how "I'm not that ill"and "i'll be fine its only a 10 hour shift!" before I realised (half way to work might I add) that I actually am that ill and I need to stop being so stubborn and give myself some time to rest and recover. Does anyone else feel major guilt when they have to ring in sick to work?

So here we are again, I'm lying here thinking that if I worked from home I could be as ill as I wanted and still get the job done. I've always known I want to work for myself I just don't know what it'd be doing. When I lived with my parents my dad used to work from home, sometimes in his pyjamas, the crocs and socks would make an appearance more often than not. There was never a "business attire" dress code or any rules about eating at the desk or how much personal time he was allowed to take. You do you boo. THAT is the type of job I want. You wanna take 10 to make yourself a hot chocolate with squirty cream and marshmallows? You do that hun! Mother nature come to visit? You get your jimjams on, hot water bottle out, bit of Jezza on the telly and get comfy. I don't think that any work would actually get done, but it would be lovely wouldn't it.

So here's where the blog begins again. I've decided i'm gonna be the Nikkie Tutorials, Manny MUA or Sophdoesnails of Wordpress. I'm gonna be so famous and write some absolutely banging content that I don't need to go to work because people are just gonna pay be for being amazing. You read that here first, that's gonna happen. So yeah. Here it goes again.

...

I've decided I'm going to start a new feature, a "Worth The Hype?" type thing where I'll basically just review some of the new & most sought after beauty products and let you know whether they're actually worth splashing the cash on or if they're just hyped up shite that influencers get paid to push on their naive followers (i.e. me) That's right, I'm gonna spend my hard earned money so you don't have to. I deserve more credit really.

My first blog in this series will be about the RCMA No-Color Powder because if you're a basic bitch like me then I'm sure you know theres a whole Laura Mercier vs RCMA rivalry over which powder is better. Similarly, if you know me you'll know I have no self control when it comes to makeup so obviously I just had to buy both. Maybe I'll do a comparison blog when I've had the chance to try them both properly but to be honest, I'm just gonna put it out there that personally I think all powders are pretty much the same and do the same thing. All the MUA's out there are probably pulling their sleeves up going all keyboard warrior ready to teach me a thing or two after reading those words. Sorry not sorry x

The RCMA No-Color Powder is a loose setting powder, famously used on the world of Youtube for 'baking'. If you don't know what baking is (if you've been living under a rock for the past few years) it's basically throwing on a load of powder on your face, usually on the areas you want to brighten such as the under eye area and on the lower cheek to create a more defined contour. You pack the powder on and go about your day for the next 10 or so minutes and then dust the excess powder off your face. The term 'baking' is used because the heat from your face is supposed to set the foundation/concealer in place. I don't know the science behind this or whether or not it actually works but they do it on Ru Paul and that's good enough for me.

I bought the powder on Beauty Bay for £13 and then obviously I had to buy something else because it's free delivery on purchases over £15 and it just makes sense really... Well, that's my excuse anyway and I'm sticking with it. For anyone interested I bought the Zoeva 144 as well that P.Louise buzzes off and I actually LOVE it but that story is for another day. I usually always buy my beauty products from Beauty Bay because the delivery tends to be free and pretty fast but I've noticed some goodies on Cult Beauty that I've got my eye on so I might have to transfer my loyalties over to them.

Beauty Bay describes the powder as "a lightweight, finely milled powder ideal for all skin tones." They had me at all skin tones tbf. Not that I hadn't already done all my research and watched 35854 Youtube videos to confirm that this powder would work for my colour and skin type. The product comes in a decent sized plastic tub containing 85g of powder. For those of you that don't know you, I must admit you do get a fair amount of product but I would bloody hope so for 13 quid!

The lid of the product lifts and the product is poured out through a few holes, a bit like a big pepper shaker. Fat life, soz. I think this is a bit annoying because it means you have to pour the product out onto a surface in order to use it, covering yourself, your surface and everything bloody else in white - sorry, No-Colour powder.

At first I noticed the powder looks exactly like talcum powder and upon reading the ingredients I noticed the product contains talc & silica. I did feel like RCMA had fully had my pants down and ripped me off for £13, de potting some bloody Johnsons baby powder and charging 10 times the going rate. I don't know the first thing about ingredients but those used to make the RCMA powder are verrrrry similar to those used to make Johnsons baby powder. Now I know they're not the same product, otherwise Youtube would be going crazy, John Kuchian would be shook creating "EXPOSED: RCMA TALC SCANDAL" videos and throwing shade left right and centre.

Ignore the make up all over the talc bottle, I'm a massive tramp we all know.

To compare I poured out some baby powder and some of the RCMA, the two are noticeably different in texture and appearance. The RCMA is a more finely milled, soft to the touch powder (if that makes sense) that blends out to nothing when buffed into the back of my hand whereas the baby powder has a chalky texture and leaves a white hue in colour when buffed. If you have a light skin tone and were only planning to use powder as a light dusting to set all over the face then the baby powder would probably  work just as well. I would imagine that the "No-Colour" feature of RCMA would be more inclusive to a wider variety of skin tones.

There are noticeable differences between baby powder and RCMA so if you're looking to save a few quid, be prepared to see a different finished result. In the words of my mother, you buy cheap you buy twice.

Even so, I use baby powder everyday to set my eyelids and even after adding RCMA and Laura Mercier to my collection, neither products would replace the trust cheaper alternative. Admittedly, I won't use baby powder to set the rest of my face, but it works well on my hooded eyes. It doesn't crease, doesn't move any product around and isn't heavy on the eyes. For £1 a pop in Asda you can't complain.

I naturally have really dark circles and I crease like crrrraaazzzy above and below my eyes so it is essential for me to pile on the makeup and set these areas, if I'm feeling extra then i'll bake as well to brighten my under eye but it's not necessary for an everyday look I don't think. If you've got a decent coverage concealer then that's all you need really.

For my 'out-out' makeup looks I would usually use a full coverage concealer like Nars or Kat Von D (because my pale ass can't use much else) but recently I've been using one of the new Makeup Revolution Shape Tape dupe concealers in shade C1 (the palest shade, obviously.) Usually I'd use a cheap pressed setting powder such as Collection or Rimmell and a dry beauty blender and use light pressure to apply a layer of powder to set the concealer in place to ensure that I don't crease throughout the night. I find using powder just makes your face feel less greasy and if someone was to hug you you don't have to worry about getting makeup on their clothes (guilty of this, sorry Tez x)

To test the RCMA powder I began my usual makeup routine, pretending I know what I'm doing and caking my face like a pro. Time to bake... here goes nothing. At first I tried my usual technique of applying the powder with a dry beauty blender underneath the eye, pressing the blender into the loose powder poured out all over the surface in front. From what I've seen from the vast array of videos i've watched about "how to bake" and "the best way to bake" you're supposed to generously apply the powder in the desired areas in a thick layer. The beauty blender technique that I usually swear by just doesn't seem to work. Because i have no patience I quickly give up and pick up a makeup brush and pack on the powder under my eye and below my contour. I was looking in the mirror the same way you look at yourself when you're sat in the hairdressers chair thinking wow have I always been this ugly.

Guuuurl I wish I looked this good pre and post baked. I followed this tutorial to learn where and how to bake my face.

I wait a while until I've had enough of waiting around because I'm inpatient AF and use a clean brush to dust off the excess powder. Although the powder is called No-Colour, there is a slight white hue on my skin in these areas. It's not that bad because i'm pale anyway but anybody with a darker complexion might find the powder washes the face out, leaving a skeletal, OTT brightened look.

Fast forward to the next day, hungover Lizi is on deaths door and wakes up to the nightmare of the Snapchat story of the night before. Do my eyes deceive me or do I see FLASHBACK???? In fact, majjjjjjor flashback. Admittedly, I am that pale that the unknowing eye probably wouldn't notice too much, but to me my under eye area was looking verrrrry bright. Some people will probably like this, giving them a more awake and contoured face structure. I wouldn't mind but the bloody tub itself specifically states "It will set your make up with a flawless finish that won't cause flashback." I CALL BULLSHIT.

The flashback is real

Whilst we're on the negatives, I must admit, the powder is verrrrry drying. My under eye area felt very tight after baking. This can be ideal as it ultimately means the concealer underneath is set and won't crease or budge which is perfect for a night out, but it also felt like if I was to blink my skin was going to crack. After a while (and a few drinks) I didn't notice how dry my skin felt and kept looking in the mirror at my new brightened look thinking slaaaay gurrrl! I have since used this technique again before a 10 hour shift in work and the dryness was a lot more noticeable. My eyes didn't feel sunk in but I could definitely feel them if that makes any sense. It probably doesn't but I know what I mean.

Dem bright under eyes tho

The product definitely does what it says on the tin. No creases & leaves a flawless base for the rest of my makeup. Would I use the RCMA No-Colour Powder on a daily basis? Probably not, no. In fact, thats' a lie. I would be partial to a light dusting across my T-zone and chin when I'm working a long shift as these problem areas can become a bit oily after a while. The powder is definitely ideal for oily areas because it is super drying but this is also the products down fall on other areas of the face where it can be too drying.

If you're umming and arring about this product I would say get yourself on Youtube, type in RCMA No-Colour powder on ... (dry/oily/combo/whatever bloody else) skin and watch people with the same skin type as you review the product. If you've got dry skin like myself that can be a little bit oily on occasion then i'm your girl, take my advice, if not who knows. For the sake of £13 you'd probably still use it even if it didn't work the best anyway. Waste not want not.

Packaging: 8/10

Easy to store but would prefer a lid that could be taken off to pour some of the product into maybe?

Product 7/10

Does what it says on the tin but is a little bit too drying for my skin.

Overall 8/10

Would recommend.

Anyway

Bye loves x