#but the point it they had assumed it was a certain meaning and it actually said another thing and that was the crux of the issue

[wowgrim]

Yes and no? I think this is probably true for a lot of internet dialogue. And I do think that it takes a lot of work to undo this kind of indoctrination. But I think that people who are just casually getting into it and think there is an obvious right side can be swayed. I know, because I used to be one of those people!

I met someone involved in doing relief work in East Jerusalem in the West Bank who likes to throw around the word "apartheid." And since I didn't know much about the situation other than what he told me, I thought, "oh, that makes sense." And I started to use it.

Back then I worked in international aid in human rights. I ended up *going* to the West Bank and found things to be a lot more complicated than he described. Not sure what he was experiencing to make him come to his conclusions about "apartheid," except perhaps he was less familiar with South African history and the nature of apartheid then I was, so he may not have actually known what apartheid was.

Anyway, when I was there, the job was to document human rights abuses by the Israeli government. Like, technically, the job was to document any human rights abuses, but the thing was, while it was very obvious there were also human rights abuses being carried out by Hamas and other Palestinian factions against Palestinians, there were huge barriers to documenting them--language, staffing, people wanting to frame the narrative, and the risk of getting killed by those factions, or my coworkers getting killed, or the group never being able to work in the West Bank again.

(Let's face it. If i wanted to document human rights abuses being conducted by the Israeli government, there might be some challenges along the way, but they weren't going to kill me.)

So yeah. I documented human rights abuses. But there was another issue, besides only focusing on human rights abuses conducted by the idf or Israeli government. It was determining what is actually a human rights abuse. Because my organization basically told me to assume that everybody who got arrested or had their house rated etc etc was a civilian.

That makes a huge difference when identifying what is a human rights violation. Somebody raiding your home to intimidate you is a human rights violation; somebody raiding your home to look for weapons or war plans that you are likely to have is not. And while I could always be fairly certain that a three-year-old living in an apartment was not a Hamas operative, I had to actually have context for the situation to determine whether any of the household adults might be, and that context was not always forthcoming.

So we were reporting things as human rights violations without actually knowing if they were human rights violations. That's a huge problem, and something to think about when you read about human rights violations in the territories.

Okay. There's some of the context for my deprogramming. Now let's get to the particular question of apartheid.

Checkpoints were one of the things that this guy I had met had used as evidence of apartheid. We had a lot of checkpoints to go through in the West Bank. They sucked. Sometimes you'd have hundreds of people stuck at a checkpoint, and just from statistics, you could figure that most of the folks stuck there were just trying to get from point A to point B and live their lives.

But also from statistics, it was likely that somebody was going to try to get through at some point who wasn't just trying to live their life, but has the goal of making sure that others don't. (In case that was too vague, people regularly crossed checkpoints with the goal of killing Israelis, and often succeeded.)

Which means checkpoints are not apartheid. The point of checkpoints was not to keep Palestinians, as a class of people, coralled in townships or to maintain them as a servant class of another ethnic group (two purposes of apartheid). The point of checkpoints was to protect Israeli citizens from being killed.

Because that's the job of the IDF. To defend Israel and the lives of Israelis. That's the job of any government and any military--to protect its citizens. So the IDF is not going to let people into their country or near their citizens without vetting them first.

There is a legitimate security reason to have checkpoints. Is it possible to abuse checkpoints? Sure. But their existence is not evidence of apartheid--a system of discriminating against most citizens for the elevation of a small group of citizens. Both for the reasons I stated above, and also because the Palestinians of the West Bank and Gaza are not Israeli citizens, and most don't want to be.

Back then, all Palestinians in Gaza and the West Bank were under the protection of the Palestinian Authority. And most of the Palestinians who spoke with me about this would say that if the PA could clamp down on the people attacking Israel, or if various Palestinian groups would just stop attacking Israel so the peace agreement could move forward, the checkpoints would go away.

Which is interesting. Because the narrative I most often hear in the United States these days is "we can have peace in i/p if Israel stops doing [xyz]." But what I heard from many Palestinians was "we can have peace in i/p if Palestinians and Arab countries would stop attacking Israel." Certainly, these Palestinians would also say "I wish Israel would stop doing [xyz]." But they also realized that Israel was in an untenable situation and would keep defending itself as long as it kept being attacked, and that the real solution to getting Israel to stop defending itself in ways that harmed them was for the attacks on Israel to stop.

Even after all this, I *did* continue to use the word apartheid after returning to the United States. But I knew it wasn't apartheid, which was the first step.

The next step was looking into why people were calling it apartheid. It was thinking critically about communication and propaganda. It was looking more deeply into the history of the conflict and the rhetoric surrounding it. And it was realizing, in part to patient people who pointed it out to me, that Israel was consistently held to different standards than any other country in a similar situation.

From there, it didn't take long to make the connection to antisemitism. Thank goodness, I already thought was a bad thing (I fear for this generation), or it would have been an even longer journey to enlightenment.

I hope this doesn't make it sound like the cure for being in the cult is going to Gaza or the West Bank. I think my mind could have been changed even before I went, if I had done more research and spoken to people with less polemical viewpoints.

And going doesn't necessarily get people out of the cult, at least not in the short term. I have a friend who is a lifelong member of the Catholic Worker movement (lay group of social justice oriented Catholics) who went to the West Bank with an affiliated group once, and now goes back frequently. The work she's been doing with it is, in my opinion, actually good work and generally helpful. But some of the words that come about out of her mouth (keyboard) are insane. And I would really like to get a chance to sit down and talk about it with her, let her decompress, help her unwind what is logic and what is PTSD--but now she's started to go back volunteering with other groups that are doing stupid and harmful things (at least in my considered opinion), so she's never back in the States long enough to actually converse and think about the hard things.

(I see this behavior, and the behavior of a lot of activists, as a PTSD cycle of doing more things and more dangerous things because that's the only way she knows how to give her life meaning now. It's one of the signs of activism tipping into cultiness.)

Well, that was a much longer reblog than anyone wanted or asked for, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately and had the opportunity to barf it up here, so now I've done so. I hope it helps someone, or at least is the start of me being able to put words together in a way that will help somebody someday.

“Israel is a colonial ethnostate that practices apartheid” - tell me you don’t know what literally any of those words mean. It’s easy to criticise a country without just blatantly making up shit.

[karmacharmeleon18]

I've seen you talk about Kevin and other things (I totally agree, and I love your analysis). I'd like to know what you think about Jeremy and your analysis of him and Jean (I love them).

By the way, I get the impression that Leo and Kevin are a "parallel" in terms of men that Jean and Jeremy will overcome to be together. Leo sold Jeremy for a car (a means of transporting him wherever he wants, something for his freedom). We can understand that Kevin "sold" (or rather, sacrificed) Jean to gain his freedom as well. It wasn't a sellout per se, but yes, I think there's a parallel here.

Jeremy and Jean have been betrayed by people they loved. And yet, they've continued to acquiesce, to a certain extent, in their continued mistreatment. Kevin would undoubtedly "sell" Jean again to escape as well (even if the fandom doesn't want to see it).

What are your thoughts on this?

I think that, at the same time that Jeremy tells Leo to fuck off, Jean will tell Kevin to fuck off (I don't think these two will still be in touch when this is all over, I'm pretty sure of it).

Omg I’m so sorry I didn’t answer sooner but I didn’t get a notification 😭 now I’m logged on my laptop and making my way through all the stuff the app didn’t show me and this is 5 DAYS OLD??????? I’m so sorry and thank you for your patience!

I’m going to split this into sections because my brain feels fried tonight and I need some order lol

Jeremy

Jeremy Knox (Moreu🤞🏾) my beloved ❤

I adore Jeremy, I would kill for Jeremy, I would die for Jeremy, I would live for Jeremy (I am secretly Jean Moreau)

But! I don't talk much about him because there's just so. much. we. don't. know. He is so sunny and yet so closed-off, his family is so big, so complicated

What do you mean we don't even know what Joshua's text said?

What do mean we don’t even know when his parents got divorced exactly and his family started unraveling?

What do you mean all the sex scenes are fade-to-black and barely described because Jeremy might be disassociating the whole time?

What do you mean he might be suicidal but we only got one throwaway half-sentence about it?

Figuring out one Jeremy Knox is hard as shit

So for the most part, I just go along with Jean's opinion of him lol the more their relationship develops, the more they interact, the more I see Jeremy

And not because Jeremy only exists as part of JereJean, but because Jeremy is just so inscrutable on his own

So I collect every little tidbit, every little clue, every morsel like a little raccoon from Jean's POV (which includes Cody's and Cat's and Laila's words and opinions on Jeremy) to try and figure him out

Like Cody saying that you did not want to cross freshman (on drugs) Jeremy

Was it because he was on drugs? Or was Jeremy always a bit of an asshole, and the drugs just accentuated that?

Realistically, Jeremy grew up as a rich white boy in 2000s White Supremacy Land (🦅🦅🦅). It makes sense that even before the drugs, he was probably the classic stereotype of a rich kid: arrogant, carefree, fucking around (literally) and finding out without a care in the world because he knew he always had a comfortable cushion to fall back on if things went sideways

We don’t know exactly when Mathilda married into the Wilshire family, but I assume Jeremy was in middle school? Start of high school? But even before that, Mathilda is a doctor, and considering how snobbish she is, she probably comes from a good upper-middle class if not rich rich family herself

(It would be so interesting to see what compelled her to marry a military man and have 5 kids with him… a bout of teenage rebellion? Or were they high school sweethearts and then he decided to join the Army? Or maybe she does not come from money, actually, and only after she got a taste of what life with money could be like she decided to move on from him)

As a teen Jeremy wasn’t particularly guarded with his sexuality, to the point that most people in high school knew he was gay in early 2000s USA. Was it because he knew the power of the Wilshire family? That one donation would make any scandal go away? That no one would dare lay a hand against him, no matter how strong their bigotry?

Teen Jeremy clung to the Knox name, to the idea of their family, but he still undoubtedly benefited from being associated with the Wilshires. And still does, considering it was only thanks to a 7 figure donation to USC that part of the banquet scandal was covered up, ensuring that he could still be a Trojan, which led up to the story as it is today, with him being the captain of the team

Jeremy has a lot of privilege. And it comes at a very high price: his freedom

This is what drives me insane about Jeremy and Jean, outwardly they couldn’t be more different as people, and yet their circumstances and their darkest thoughts about themselves are so similar

They are so similar afhabkadjsbfasj

Really cute and fitting art by @bananakeiky that encapsulates JereJean, their very different personalities and dispositions and yet very similar views of themselves:

I love these two oblivious idiots so so so soooo much 😭🥹

I’m convinced that Jeremy is the best possible person for Jean. And Jean is the best possible person for Jeremy.

Cat, Laila, the floozies, Rhemann are all great people for Jeremy and Jean

But Jeremy and Jean can understand each other in a way no one else can

In Jeremy, Jean sees someone who went through neglect, trauma, grief and still came out of it so openly, undeniably, proudly kind

In Jean, Jeremy found someone that will not flinch away from the darkest parts of him, that will understand and reciprocate that kindness in a way no one else can

(Jean will treat you so right, Jeremy, just you wait)

Jeremy’s “sex addiction”

In a previous pots I mentioned how Jeremy uses hookups as a substitute for drugs: Jeremy has a personality that is prone to addictions and even before the drugs, he enjoyed hookups as a teenager; then his attention was almost fully taken up by the pills and the cocaine, and once that was removed, back he went to old habits, only worse

So, so, so much worse

Because if before sex was fun, now it’s a way for Jeremy to hurt himself

imo Jeremy is not addicted to sex because of the pleasure

(and atp I don’t even know if most people would consider it a sex addiction at all then? but bear with me)

Jeremy enjoys casual sex because his hookups treat him in the exact way he believes he deserves to be treated

Jeremy believes he deserves to be treated like shit

And sure, his family also treats him like shit, but that’s only half of the equation

The other half is that with his hookups Jeremy gets to feel useful, he gets to feel like he has a purpose, a positive impact on someone else on an intimate level

(I think this is why Nora called him a service top, he believes he can’t be anything else, he can’t take pleasure, he only deserves to give it)

The Wilshires consider him good for nothing, but for his hookups he’s good at one thing at least

(he’s still not good enough to be treated kindly, to be romanced, to be loved, and that’s ok because he doesn’t deserve that anyway, right?)

His hookups always happen after moments of emotional turmoil for Jeremy, and they’re all fade-to-black

This might just be because Nora doesn’t care to describe sex that isn’t JereJean… but it might also be because Jeremy straight up disassociates the whole time??????

And maybe THAT is what he’s addicted to??????

Before: sex is fun!

Now: when I have sex, only the other person matters, I can stop thinking, I can stop existing as Jeremy Knox

Cocaine can make you feel unstoppable, invincible, and for a teenager that feels like he’ll never be enough for his parents, that is incredibly addicting

But for current Jeremy? The Jeremy that feels responsible for his little brother’s death? He doesn’t deserve to feel unstoppable and invincible, he deserves to feel like nothing, like he doesn’t even exist

The disassociation is the addiction

(of course this is mostly speculation, because Jeremy is just too inscrutable to me 😕)

I would love, absolutely LOVE for Jeremy to tell Leo (and Faser, and every other hookup) to fuck off and rot, you piece of shit. I would love a good verbal evisceration and maybe a right hook 👊💥

But do I expect it? Not really 😂

Because for Jeremy it’s just so important to not be that type of person

It’s like the Trojans never getting a red card in 4 years and then headcanoning that they get one to protect Jean, you know?

The Trojans just don’t want to be that type of team

And while I believe that some of the Trojans behave this way out of self-righteousness, it’s not the case for Jeremy

In the beginning, Jeremy’s behavior came from an unhealthy place, his belief that being the perfect captain and sportsmanlike athlete is the only thing that can make up for the fact that he is Jeremy

But now, I think Jeremy truly appreciates the effect that good sportsmanship can have on people, the type of example he is setting for younger athletes, for queer athletes: you can be one of the best without having to resort to violence, to cheap shots; people will hate you and put you down but you will never stay down, and the people that count will support and admire you

Jeremy has discovered kindness and he’s never going back

Jeremy is not the type of person to treat others unkindly not because he is perfect, not because he is uwu my little blorbo too pure for this world

But because he very much doesn’t want to be that type of person

It’s so important for him that he is not.

So I have to put all my wishes of glorious, violent vindication aside and respect that this is Jeremy, you know?

Maybe Nora will surprise us, maybe she will give us a Jeremy spitting venom at his tormentors and punching an asshole or two in the face

But if she doesn’t, that’s ok, that makes sense

Learning to stand up for yourself doesn't necessarily mean learning to be less kind

Kevin and Leo might be parallels in the way Jean and Jeremy simply walk away from them in the end (together, holding hands)

.

Kevin

I know some people in the fandom see Kevin as some sort of super-ally-mastermind but I don’t think he could have ever predicted the bond Jean and Jeremy formed. Kevin just saw a kind man nicknamed Captain Sunshine and decided that if someone had a chance to take in a stray Raven and turn him into a human, it was him. The fact that Jeremy is gay and the Trojans the quuerest college team in the country is not a coincidence, I do think Kevin was looking out for Jean in some way, but there’s no way Kevin could have predicted JereJean. Kevin barely sees Jean as a person. He sees him as a Raven, only worse, because other Ravens were assets, while Jean was property and treated as such. Kevin saw Jean being treated like an animal, year after year, and saw the fight slowly bleed out of him, year after year

I don’t think he started seeing Jean as a full-fledged person until he saw him in California. And not because Kevin is as evil as Riko. But simply because Kevin witnessed almost all traces of humanity being stripped from Jean

In general, this is one of Kevin’s problems in my opinion: because of his upbringing and trauma, Kevin sees those around him as athletes first, them being people is secondary

Which is why he ignored all the abuse happening in the Nest, not only the cruelty directed at Jean. The Ravens were dominating as athletes, and that’s all Kevin cared about. And he’s the same with the Foxes, they matter to him as athletes, not as people

I’m gonna borrow something I wrote in my first Kevin analysis:

“But where Kevin is hellbent on making everyone around him miserable, because his whole life he’s been convinced that greatness is born from misery, Neil wants to make everyone around him better for the sake of being better.

Better Exy players, but better people, too. Neil understands you can’t have one without the other. But Kevin is so single-mindedly focused on Exy that he doesn’t care about the people, he only cares about the athletes.”

So even removed from the context of the Nest/cult/abuse, Kevin has a problem relating with other people as people

He is aware that they are people, it just doesn’t matter to him

But with Jean, I’m not sure he thought of him as a person for a long time

Strip a Fox of the athlete, and you’ll find a damaged person

Strip Jean of the athlete, and you’ll find a beaten animal

(I’m not saying it’s Kevin’s fault, that Kevin is the antichrist or Riko’s “other half”, I’m saying that Kevin was abused by a cult and his vision of life and humanity was warped to such a dramatic extent that he genuinely struggles with making human connections, and it’s the same issue the other Ravens have, and they, too, don’t see Jean as a person, but as an object to be passed around, a creature to abuse)

I think that, in his own way, Kevin does care for Jean. Just not enough.

He cared about Jean… but he still asked Jean to teach him French, knowing full well Jean’s punishment if found out would be terrible. He still gave Jean articles about the Trojans with pictures of Jeremy in them, knowing full well that Riko would make Jean bleed almost to death if he discovered him, because queers don’t belong on his Court, and what else could you possibly be doing with articles about Knox and his team when you can barely read English?

This is what I dislike the most about Kevin. He never thinks about the consequences. Because he doesn’t care. As long as the consequences don’t affect him directly, he doesn’t care

Kevin sees most people as existing for him

(not in the same way as Riko did, who fully believed he owned others; Kevin was simply taught that everyone has a role at Evermore, and Kevin’s is to be one of the best, top of the food chain, and everyone else has do his bidding and take insult after insult from him; he keeps this same behavior with the Foxes and with Jean, this is what we – Kevin critics – mean when we say that Kevin constantly pulls rank: he gives orders and throws insults because he believes it’s his right to do so)

Kevin wanted a friend in the Nest, and here comes this terrified young boy that will cling to anyone that shows him an ounce of gentleness. So Kevin gets a friend, and gets to learn a language they can gossip in that no one else understands, and gets to talk about the Trojans as much as he wants and if Riko finds out, who is he most likely to focus all his wrath on, his brother or the queer foreign boy?

Let me repeat again that Kevin is a victim. Like Thea. Like every Raven. Like Riko.

So why do I dislike him so much? Again, because consequences. All Kevin needs to do to survive the Nest is believe in the Master. He doesn’t need French lessons, he doesn’t need to share articles about the Trojans. He doesn’t need a friend who is Riko’s property

But Kevin still wants all those things and gets them, because fuck what the consequences are for Jean, and that’s what I have an issue with

And then, in that first year in the Nest, their friendships dies, because too much happens between them, too much violence (against Jean), too much abuse (against Jean), too much torture (against Jean), and Jean had to give and give and give to Riko and the Master already, he couldn’t also give to Kevin all that Kevin wanted. Because as I’ve said before, Kevin is a taker, he takes your time and attention and your knowledge of another language and your passion for another team, and in exchange he turns the other way as you get tortured

(not that he could do anything about it, but imagine being Jean and the guy you idolize just wants to use you for what benefits you can bring him)

And if that’s not enough, when Riko breaks his hand, Kevin uses that old, long-dead friendship against Jean to convince him to distract Riko as he makes his escape

“If you were ever friends with me, get him out of my room.”

And Jean does

And Kevin escapes

And Jean almost gets killed by Riko for it

And in TSC we get a moment that is very important but easily forgotten: when Jean is staying at Abby’s and Kevin visits him, Jean sees bottomless guilt in his eyes

That’s something, right?

I do think Kevin and Leo are parallels, but still, I would not compare them beyond a surface-level assessment, beyond the guy uses you when he can benefit from it, but doesn’t care for you the rest of the time

Yes, on the surface Kevin and Leo are both the subjects of misplaced, ill-advised affection, they are untrustworthy, selfish and would 100% do it again

But Leo is just a rich kid, a privileged asshole, someone who could make so many different choices and yet he always chooses to hurt Jeremy

Kevin never had much of a choice. He was in a cult. Yes, he was treated like a little god, a prince of the court always serving his King by most of the people at Evermore. But he was still abused by the Master like every other Raven. And he was still stuck with Riko

In the beginning their relationship wasn’t too terrible, in a world of abuse, they clung to each other. Kevin hated Riko like he hated nobody else, but he also loved Riko like he loved nobody else. He arrived at the Nest as a kid, after losing his mother, his entire world. He needed something, someone to cling to or he would lose his mind with grief and never survive the Master’s abusive tactics. And this is what cults do, no one is safe because they know how to take advantage of your grief, how to make sure you fall into their clutches when you’re at your weakest (and in Kevin’s and Jean’s case, they orchestrated the conditions for such grief to happen in the first place, by killing Kayleigh and convincing the Moreaus into trafficking their son). Pretty soon he started to believe the Master’s teachings, that he belonged by Riko’s side, his perpetual second, his submissive adoptive brother. He accepted that, convinced himself of it. To survive. And he was content with his life, with the bright future he had ahead of him if only he could endure and ignore what was happening around him

But then the Master gave Jean to Riko, and Riko got a taste of absolute power over another person, and impunity, and he slowly started descending into madness. That was always his fate, with all the pressure the Master put on him, and all the disappointment of being a spare Moriyama, but I believe that Jean was the catalyst for the Riko-madness speedrun.

Maybe Riko would have shattered Kevin’s hand in every universe; maybe that was the inevitable ending, because Riko is Riko, and Kevin is Kevin, and once Thea puts it in Kevin’s mind that he is better than the King, he inevitably, in every universe, starts testing the limits, pushing boundaries; and in every universe the Master notices his talent and decides to pit them against each other to determine who’s the rightful King

Or maybe Riko only shatters Kevin’s hand in this universe, the universe where Jean was his property, where he became addicted to having absolute power over someone else and torturing those who were already down

Which would mean that without Jean, without all the horrible things he endured in the Nest, in this universe Kevin could never be free

Kevin’s freedom comes at Jean’s expense, not only on that terrible day, but from the moment Jean was born

And isn’t that a terrible thought?

(and also… the only reason Kevin manages to escape is that Jean is kind, that one mention of their dead friendship is enough to convince Jean to distract the monster, and isn’t that also terrible? That Jean’s kindness was almost his demise? … but then, Renee realizes Jean is dying because Jean decides that his last coherent action in his existence is to text her to thank her, so Jean’s kindness is also what saves him and I-- askgfsjfgshafkjb)

Anyway, Kevin didn’t have much of a choice. I am angry that he left Jean to die, took advantage of Jean’s gentle nature and trapped him into distracting Riko. If Riko was angry before, he was absolutely furious once he realized Jean helped Kevin escape (albeit unknowingly)

And I’m angry about the French lessons and the Trojan articles, and all the instances where Jean would be brutally punished if found out while Kevin could just shrug the whole incident off, just like he shrugs off the fact that Jean was raped several times. I’m boiling with rage

But I also understand that Kevin was an abused teenager who grew up in a cult. He was desperate to have a friend in the Nest. And then he was desperate to escape

And Jean knows that:

Jean never expected Kevin to protect him. Jean never expects anyone to protect him. Zane only does so in exchange for a spot on the Perfect Court, and even he would never dare contradict Riko. Yes, Kevin had some sway with Riko, Riko did love him in his own way, but at the end of the day, Riko is a Moriyama, and Kevin is not (and even as a Moriyama, your value depends entirely on your date of birth). By normal standards, their dynamic is less of brothers and more of master and pet (Nora verbatim calls Kevin Riko’s pet in the extra content). You love your pets, you indulge them when it costs you nothing (history classes) but if you’re an abusive piece of shit, you will also always put them back in their place whenever they overstep

And remember when Neil was in the Nest? Jean was his partner, and yet he couldn’t protect him from Riko’s violence. Didn’t even try. All he could do was patch him up and beg him to behave

Jean never expected Kevin’s help. That’s how things work in the Nest

Jean would’ve slashed Kevin’s tires to prevent his escape. Not as a way to avoid Riko’s wrath. But because he knew that with a broken hand Kevin would only last a couple of months in the Nest before killing himself. And at that point Jean would be free to follow.

For Jean, Kevin’s worst slight against him was not leaving him in the Nest to die

It was keeping him out of it to live

Don’t get me wrong, a part of Jean will always suffer because of Kevin’s betrayal, and I do think that a part of him wants Kevin to die for reasons unrelated to their promise, purely because he wants to be free from Kevin Day, because Kevin Day represents everything that was done to him in the Nest

For a couple of years, Kevin symbolized a reprieve in the midst of a nightmare

But now?

Now that Jean is living in the light of the California sun, Kevin symbolizes the fear, the anger, the powerlessness Jean felt in those awful years at Evermore

Kevin went from being a dream within a nightmare, to part of the nightmare itself

Following him all the way to California

One look too close at Kevin, and Jean is transported back to all the painful punishments he incurred because of Kevin

(directly - the French lessons, Kevin's escape - and indirectly - Riko realizing Jean is queer and deciding to torture the queerness out of him)

That’s why I keep bringing up Jean's reaction to close contact with Kevin, so strong, so visceral that Jeremy is perplexed by it:

This goes beyond the internalized homophobia of: "oh, shit, I was attracted to a guy", or the reminder that "oh, shit, I was attracted to this guy"

This is the horror of someone who's awaiting punishment, who's feeling breath on the back of his neck and blades against his skin. Jean might even be experiencing a proper flashback of all the painful things he's had to bear because of "this guy"

Jeremy is not jealous in that moment. He is perplexed. Concerned. Because Jean was spiraling and he didn't understand why

So what can Jean do now?

I know we all want vindication for Jean. We all want an epic badass moment where Jean punches Kevin in the face and tells him to fuck off. We all want Kevin begging for forgiveness on his knees (as if!)

But deep down, all I want is for Jean to feel indifferent

He deserves to be relieved of all the powerfully negative feelings Kevin elicits in him

I want Jean to be free

Free of every ghost belonging to the Nest... and Kevin is one of them

And sure, one could feel liberated after punching someone in the face lol

But violence is the Ravens' way

The best possible thing Nora can do for Jean, is have him walk away from Kevin

That's the closure he deserves

And I don't mean forever, before I get attacked again by Kevin stans. But right now Jean hates Kevin, and I want him to stop feeling such negative emotions and focus on himself, and all the positivity around him

Jean "getting over Kevin" doesn't necessarily mean shutting Kevin out of his life completely

But right now I do think it’s necessary, Jean simply cannot heal with Kevin around, because Kevin is still a Raven at heart:

In a few years I can see them having the same relationship they have right now (barely interacting, but being mostly civil with each other when they have to), minus the hatred and violence simmering right under the surface

One day they could even have the same type of rapport Kevin has with Jeremy at the moment, of long-distance approval, maybe even admiration

They could, potentially, become friendly in the future

(I don't know about proper friends, though: Nora said Kevin's behavior forever destroyed any chance at a friendship with Jean, that at the moment Kevin doesn't have any friends, and it'll take him years, well into his pro career, to create genuine bonds with Neil, Andrew, Jeremy, even Thea, despite her being the closest person to him right now - and that says a lot, too)

But right now I just want Jean to be free

And the same goes for Jeremy, and it goes far beyond Leo, he is a stand-in for the Wilshires, and that is Jeremy’s main issue

Jeremy and Jean feel so much

That the best type of vindication can only come from them not feeling anything anymore for the people that hurt them

Jean needs to walk away from Kevin to heal, and Jeremy needs to walk away from Leo, the hookups and the Whilshires to heal

In a way, Jean is in a better, more promising situation than Jeremy. Because Jean is far away from the Nest, and has minimal contact with Kevin. But Jeremy is forced to see his family every day, and forces himself to see Leo because hookups are the only thing he can control at the moment

Boy, oh, boy, Jeremy is about to break

And Jean will be there to hold him together

And maybe at the end of it all they will finally start living

(I'm not sure my heart can take it 🥹 I'm not ready for Book 3 but at the same time I am SAT)

[salty-and-spiraling]

Hot take incoming:

*read at your own discretion*

After a discussion with @stardustamaryllis78 I have come to a conclusion.

Aaravos didn't deserve his imprisonment.

Hear me out! The show has been very vague on the crimes he committed leading up to his imprisonment. The only thing that's been clear is that he gave humans dark magic.

That alone is not a crime that would warrant 300 years of isolation and torture! Humans would not have survived had it not been for dark magic and it pisses me off whenever people disregard that fact.

And they claim that he was a 'betrayer' and was responsible for years of chaos but what chaos exactly? I'm assuming they mean the death of Queen Aditi and Luna Tenebris. However this, paired with giving humans dark magic, is still not something that would warrant three centuries of torture.

The only other crimes that we're certain he was responsible for were the chaos of the Mage Wars but again, what did he do? Everything was in complete disarray, there was fighting, corruption, chaos but how is that all on Aaravos!? How do we know most of it wasn't just the natural response from a whole race of people being mass deported to one place!?

How can you claim someone is evil and expect us to believe that if we don't have the full picture of what they did? At this point it feels like they're purposely being vague and just every other terrible event on Aaravos.

Humans are fighting? Aaravos!

Xadians are fighting? Aaravos!

And, again, we always have to keep in mind that he spent 300 years in complete isolation in the corpse of his dead child, locked inside a replica of the home he raised her in! For what? The dark magic excuse is complete bs and, as far as we know, most of the chaos was caused by Xadia rounding up all the humans and dumping them in the west. It being a punishment for killing two monarchs is not valid either considering the severity of his sentence so really, what's left?

You could not convince me that Aaravos was actually a villain before his imprisonment. His actions upon escaping were definitely a result of being completely fucked up from years of solitary confinement.

[clumsypuppy]

learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

[thousand-winters]

This isn't a diss against anybody, but extremely funny to me I kept seeing people being impressed at Kit knowing Latin and Greek when all he did was translate 'Incipit'. That's such a basic ass word 😭 I'm so sorry. But of course he knows that lmao. It would be actually sad if he didn't after 3 years of studying the language.

[istherewifiinhell]

Sits up from bed with a raised eyebrow.... the golden record doesnt contain ideology... what the FUCK are you talking about.

[reasonsforhope]

"Tim Friede’s YouTube channel is home to a collection of videos depicting the Wisconsin-native truck mechanic subjecting himself to purposeful snake bites, blood slowly dripping down his arms.

For the past 20 years, Friede has been one of the most notorious “unconventional” medical researchers, undergoing over 200 bites from the world’s deadliest snakes — and more than four times as many — 850 — venomous injections. 

He did it all in the name of science.

According to the World Health Organization, an estimated 100,000 people are killed by snake bites each year, with countless more being disabled by the venom of the deadly reptiles. 

While life-saving anti-venom is available, very few countries actually have the capacity to produce it properly, given that most bites occur in remote and rural areas, and anti-venom requires arduous sourcing and accuracy. 

But Friede’s blood is now full of antibodies, following decades of strategic exposure to the neurotoxins of mambas, cobras, and other lethal slithering critters.

His blood is now the source material researchers are using to develop an anti-venom capable of neutralizing a broad spectrum of snake bites...

Friede started this hobby — which he is indeed adamant no one else tries at home — out of sheer curiosity in childhood. After playing with harmless garter snakes in his youth, he began keeping more dangerous species of snakes as pets. At one point, he had 60 of them in his home basement.

In 1999, he began extracting venom from his snakes, drying it, diluting it, and injecting himself with tiny doses — keeping meticulous records as he went.

He had one major hospitalization in 2001, when he was paralyzed and in a coma for four days. But instead of giving up, he doubled down. 

“In hindsight, I’m glad it happened,” Friede told The Times. “I never made another mistake.”

Jacob Glanville, an immunologist and founder of biotech company Centivax, stumbled on Friede’s videos.

Now, Friede is the director of herpetology at Centivax and serves as something of a “human lab” to Glanville.

“For a period of nearly 18 years, [Tim] had undertaken hundreds of bites and self-immunizations with escalating doses from 16 species of very lethal snakes that would normally a kill a horse,” Glanville told The Guardian.

“It blew my mind. I contacted him because I thought if anyone in the world has these properly neutralizing antibodies, it’s him.”

To develop the new anti-venom, Glanville and his fellow researchers identified 19 of the world’s deadliest snakes — in the elapid family — which kill their prey by injecting neurotoxins into their bloodstream, paralyzing muscles (including the big, important ones, like the heart and lungs).

The trouble is, each species in the elapid family has a slightly different toxin, meaning they would each require their own anti-venom.

But Friede’s blood contains certain fragments of each of these toxins; protein molecules seen across the various species. Because of his decades of service to science, his blood also contains the antibodies required to neutralize these toxins, preventing them from sticking to human cells and causing harm.

Combining the antibodies LNX-D09, SNX-B03, and a small molecule called varespladib that inhibits venom toxins, Centivax has successfully created a treatment effective against the entire range of 19 species’ toxins.

Their work, which was recently published in the journal Cell, will soon be tested outside of the lab. 

Trials will start with using the serum to treat dogs admitted to Australian veterinary clinics for snake bites. Assuming that goes well, the next step will be to administer human tests.

Researchers also believe that because the serum stems from a human, this should also lower the risk of allergic reactions when being administered to other people. 

“The final product would be a single, pan-anti-venom cocktail,” Professor Peter Kwong of Columbia University, a senior author of the study, told The Times.

Or, he added, they could make two: “One that is for the elapids, and another that is for the viperids, because some areas of the world only have one or the other.”

As for Friede, he maintains his affinity for snakes, though his last bite was in November 2018, when he said “enough is enough,” according to The New York Times.

By then, he had certainly done enough. His pursuit of immunity could feasibly save countless lives.

“I’m really proud that I can do something in life for humanity,” Friede told The New York Times, “to make a difference for people that are 8,000 miles away, that I’m never going to meet, never going to talk to, never going to see, probably.”

-via GoodGoodGood, May 2, 2025

[djevelbl]

I'll never forget the day my mum asked me "hey so uh. why do you use he/him on your whatsapp channel??" and I had to elaborate beyond "I think it's fun"

[fingertipsmp3]

That last post just reminded me of something honestly mind-boggling that that friend did

[reidmotif]

Between the Books

Summary: Reader is a librarian at the library Spencer frequents while he's finishing one of his degrees. They find themselves in a precarious situation when everyone's left and they're the last two people there.

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Category: Smut

Content Warning: unprotected penetrative sex, oral (f!recieving), fingering (f!recieving), themes of exhibitionism, public sex.

Word Count: 3.9 k

Masterlist

Being observant came naturally to you, almost as if it was a reflex embedded into the core of your nervous system. You’d say “hello” to a new face and as if under command, your eyes would naturally drift to the small pieces of hair on that stranger’s coat. 

Dog? Cat? Freakishly large gerbil? 

Whatever it was, you couldn’t turn it off. And that’s why when Spencer Reid caught your eye, you simply couldn’t find it in yourself to look away. 

And with time, it seemed like his actions mirrored yours.

You’d taken interest in a position at a university library for the summer. The job seemed to be a welcome change of pace from the likes of hectic summer jobs you’d go for typically in the past, a position that would mostly consist of monitoring graduate-level students who were, thankfully, much calmer than their undergrad counterparts.

 For the most part, you were right. Your days were filled with reading in an air-conditioned building, looking up titles of reference books for other students, and of course, the unexpected, yet welcomed, occurrence of Spencer Reid. 

The longer you spent at the library, the more you came to learn more about him. 

Well, as much as you could learn without actually speaking to the man. 

You’d learned his name from the library card he’d brandish when it came time to check out materials. He’d frequent books about Jean-Paul Sarte, Camus, and Nietzsche, opting to stay in the same, well-lit corner by the window every time he visited. While he could come in at any part of the day, he seemed to prefer later hours, when the library would be mostly vacant. His outfits weren’t over-the-top with formality, but he clearly wasn’t in the business of dressing casually.

 You found it attractive, honestly, how put-together he seemed. 

His return-rate on books was freakishly fast, and at one point, you’d assumed he was checking out books to read a certain page or chapter for research, and would then put it back, until you found yourself properly watching him and realized, no, he actually was just reading that fast. He could finish texts that would take almost a year to cover by seasoned professors and scholars in mere hours.

 How? You had no idea. Nevertheless, you desperately wanted to learn- to know him beyond the gazes of a library hall. 

You’d decided to try your luck at speaking to the man, noticing the three books he’d chosen all seemed to have one incredibly common theme amongst their authorship. 

“Existentialist?” You ask, trying to make your tone seem polite but still friendly. 

He blinks, as if he wasn’t expecting to be spoken to, and takes a second, his gaze meeting yours. “Sorry, what?” 

“Existentialist.” You repeat, motioning to the books you were checking out for him.  “Kierkegaard, Dostoevsky, Kafka. Your books seem to share a commonality.” 

He chuckles, realizing the meaning of your words and shakes his head. “No, no. Not an existentialist. I’d like to believe the world is better than what any of them make it out to be.” 

You smile, and nod. “I’d hope so.” Your eyebrows furrow, head tilting slightly. “Why the interest then?” There’s genuine fascination in your tone, and he seems to absolutely thrive off that, his eyes lighting up as you continue the conversation. 

“I’m completing my Masters in Philosophy.” He responds. “We’ve been doing an assignment on existentialism, hence the ridiculous amount of gloom and doom in my reading.”

 There’s a pause, before he cracks a smile, and then asks you, “Romantic?” 

You look at him in confusion. It’s your turn to not get the joke. “Sorry?” 

“Are you a romantic?” He asks. When you retain that confused look on your face, he continues. 

“You’re almost always reading some variation of a romance novel here. So far I’ve counted Austen, Bronte, and I think I saw a copy of Anna Karenina on the counter once.” 

You feel a bit of heat rise to your face, realizing that in his own way, he’d been observing you as well. In a second, the tables were turned, and the lens you often used on others was abruptly focused on you instead. 

“Well, Anna Karenina is hardly a romance, I’d argue.” You say, before nodding. “But, yeah. I guess I’d say I’m a fan of romance in novels.” 

He smiles, shaking his head. “I’m not asking you if you’re a fan of romance in novels, I’m asking you if you’re a romantic.” He says, putting emphasis on the last word, as if that was supposed to provide some grand difference to the statement. 

“Just as much as anyone else, right?” You respond, still a bit puzzled at his insistence on contrasting the syntax of his statement. 

“I see.” He says, nodding, continuing to look at you, as if he was sizing you up. “I’ll have to pick up a copy of Anna Karenina sometime then. See if it’s as much of a love story as I remember.” 

“I think you’ll find it’s absolutely not.” You reply, smiling. “I believe we have a copy of it here, as a matter of fact, if you’re actually interested.” There’s a hint of skepticism in your tone, wondering why he seemed to be taking so much regard to your conversation.

“Of course I’m actually interested. You seem passionate about the subject.” He counters, grinning. 

“I mean- yeah, I am! It’s a pretty misinterpreted book, I think.” You say. There’s a slight moment of silence, before you find yourself saying your next few words. “I’m also surprised you’re interested. I’m not always sure if it’s up everyone’s lane. Lots of people can’t get through it.” 

“I’m sure the least I can do is try.” He says, shrugging. 

You check out the last of his books, placing them in his outstretched hands. “Honestly, I’m even more surprised you noticed. You seem pretty into it in your corner over there.” You say, half-jokingly, but with a hint of seriousness mixed into it. 

He gives a softer smile, almost boyish, as he replies. 

“You’re pretty hard not to notice.” 

He keeps the smile on his face, giving you a slight nod of his head, before leaving you to deal with the sudden heat that had risen to your cheeks as a result of his words. You couldn’t find it in yourself to respond to his quick wit in the moment, your heartbeat still racing long after he’d left. 

Over that summer, the two of you get continually closer. To your absolute delight, he does end up reading Anna Karenina and better yet, he agrees with you. You immediately take an even stronger liking to him than before. Thus starts your tradition of recommending books to each other, the two of you discussing them when he’d come to the library, almost like a secret, private book club that only you two were privy to. 

You come to learn more about him. His doctorates, his job. The secret of his inhumanely fast reading was revealed to you later down the road, when he explained the abilities of an unconscious mind.. or something. While you wanted to give your undivided attention to him, there was an unspoken part of you that couldn’t help but find it ridiculously attractive when he explained things to you. He never seemed to notice that enduring part of your psyche, and you were grateful for that. 

Overall though, he made quite the friend. He shared your love of literature, and could be a wonderful listener at times. Your previous days of solitude in the library were long forgotten, and you found yourself looking forward to his daily visits, ready to share your thoughts on some book he’d last asked you to read. 

You find that his visits become less and less about the actual establishment, and more and more about you, especially when he opts to visit you at the front desk first, as opposed to over at his usual spot by the window. Somedays, he makes it obvious, not even bothering to peruse the selection of books he was previously accustomed to, and merely opts to talk to you the entire time, right up to the point where you’re locking the doors of the library and heading to your own place for the night. 

There’s a part of you that wonders why he hasn’t asked you out. You wonder why you hadn’t asked him out. It only seems natural, given how much time the two of you were spending- a date seemed like an obvious byproduct of the lingering gazes you’d catch him throw at you, the absolute joy that would bubble in your chest everytime the two of you shared an afternoon. 

You shrug it off. All in good time, right? 

It’s another night at the library, and you found yourself a bit frustrated. You’d asked your manager if there was any way she could take on the later shift of the day, increasingly tired with the hours of the job and simply needing a break from it all. She refused, and tonight, that refusal seemed to be on the forefront of your mind. 

“I just- I don’t get it, Spencer. I know she can take on this shift.” You say, wheeling around a cart of books to be reshelved, talking openly since the library was empty at this point in the day, all patrons packed up and soundly at home– while you were stuck here. 

He stayed, of course, following you around diligently as you completed the task, listening to every word.

 “I get that this is the worst shift to have, but come on. I’m a good employee, you know? I feel like I deserve a break here and there.” You come to a stop, picking up a stack of books with a huffy sigh. “But no. I’m the one who has to go home late. I’m the one who’s on closing every single night. I’m sick of it.” 

He nods sympathetically, and you continue to grovel, deeply appreciative that he was allowing you to vent to him like this. You stand on the provided step-stool on the ground, allowing you to have the height necessary to shelve some books that belonged further up than normal. 

“Like, is it really that hard?” You grumble, your face turned away from Spencer as you find each book’s proper place. “God forbid she sleeps at a later time than normal- or I don’t know, hires someone else.” The last book is reshelved, and you turn around, about to dismount the stool. “And another thing-” 

In the midst of your rant, you find yourself distracted,  missing the step on the stool that would’ve allowed a safe dismount, and you quickly realize you’re falling off, letting out a small yelp before a stronger force keeps you upright- a force that happened to be Spencer’s arms catching you. 

“You alright?” He asks with heavy concern, trying to look into your eyes or your legs, attempting to discern for signs where you might’ve hurt yourself on your descent. 

It takes a second for you to process that you are insanely close to Spencer. His features are almost enhanced by the low-lighting of the dark library, his eyes entirely dilated as he stares at you, his lips soft and perfect– and those cheekbones, god. You could practically cut yourself on them. 

You quickly return to your senses, trying to go back to a more suitable position that wouldn’t leave you so absolutely tongue tied. “No, no. I’m fine, honestly.” You step back, wiggling your leg a little. “See? Entirely fine.” 

He smiles a little sheepishly. “Sorry, I just get worried. I’m a doctor, you know.” He says, a teasing quality in his tone as he steps closer. 

“Not an actual doctor.” You say, rolling your eyes fondly. 

“Come on.” He says, letting his hand drift over back to your arm, which had taken most of the shock of falling onto him. “Humor me.” 

There’s that grin again, and you can’t help but relent. 

And so you humor him like he asked, letting his fingertips trail over the skin to properly check for any injuries, the action much more sensual than it should’ve been for a friend checking up on another friend. 

“You know.” He murmurs, his voice a bit lower than before. “I don’t actually think this is the worst shift to take on.” 

Your throat is dry, a physical reaction being drawn out of you as he touches you, and there’s a conscious reminder you actually have to respond to his words. 

“Oh? Why is that?” You force out. 

“It’s so quiet.” He mumbles out, immediately, his fingertips now tracing down to your waist, as the two of you made eye contact. “Nobody’s even in here at this point.” 

You swallow, trying to calm the rapid beat of your heart. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” 

“I like the quiet.” He says, continuing on. The previously feather-like touch on your waist becomes more grasping than anything else. “There’s just so much more you can get done when it’s quiet.” 

You nod and half heartedly mumble. “Mhm.” You’re far more focused on your growing proximity than his actual words, the act rendering you entirely breathless until he’s standing face to face with you, your breaths mingling due to the closeness. 

“I can feel your heart beating.” He mumbles. “So fast. Do I make you nervous?” 

You lick your lips and nod out of instinct, before squeezing your eyes shut and shaking your head. “No, no. It’s just the closeness. I’m not used to it.” You whisper, eyes opening– and his gaze is as intense as ever. 

One of his hands goes to cup your face. “Unless you tell me otherwise, I’m going to kiss you now.” 

You don’t move a single muscle. 

And then all of a sudden, he’s everywhere. He’s pulling you closer, absolutely devouring you like he’s been starved for your touch all along. His tongue slips into your mouth, and you respond in approval, humming with a deep content against his lips, your hands going to wrap around his neck, pulling your bodies flush together. You don’t want space– not now, or ever again. 

“Fuck. Wanted this for so long.” He mumbles, as soon as he breaks off the kiss, finding the pulse point on your neck, and going at it with his lips, causing you to quietly moan out in pleasure. You’d never heard him curse before, and the act only served to add to the steadily growing throb in between your legs. 

He pushes you even more insistently up against the counter attached to the bookshelves, your weight slightly more supported by the wood, as opposed to his body like before. 

“You’re so pretty.” He breathes out in between his assault on your neck, his mouth finding every inch of your nape, and marking it as his own. It’s almost like he’s hellbent on mapping out every plane of skin there, committing every spot that makes you whine or let out his name to memory.

You’re breathing so heavily, and you think it can’t possibly get any better than this, but he proves you wrong when he abruptly gets to his knees, your eyes widening. 

“Need to taste you. Please.” 

He’s begging, like, on-his-knees, doe-eyes, broken voice- begging to eat you out. 

And how could you ever say no, what, with those pretty eyes of his, and that expression on his face that made you practically weak with need?  

“Yes.” You whisper out, and in record time, he’s undoing your jeans and underwear in one clean swoop, not even bothering to fully remove the material before his tongue is all over your cunt, lapping up the wetness that had accumulated in the past few minutes. You’re half surprised he didn’t just rip your clothing off, given the enthusiasm he was showing at this moment. 

You’re suddenly incredibly aware of where you are- your place of work, a fucking library, and Spencer Reid was buried in your thighs like a man parched, lapping up wherever he possibly can. You can hear the obscene noises of your passion, his tongue lavishing over you, before he pays special attention to your clit, wrapping his lips around the nub and sucking softly.  You cover your mouth with your free hand- grateful that the wood behind you was supporting you, because without it, you truly think you’d topple over from the sheer pleasure of it all. 

“Fuck.” You whisper, voice high-pitched as you try to hold back your noises. “Fuck. Gonna come.” You warn, legs shaking as you barreled towards your release. 

Without warning, his fingers enter your cunt, and you’re fighting back a scream. 

How long had you stared at his fingers before this? How many times had you watched them run up and down the spines of the books he read, or gestured with them constantly whilst speaking? How long had such a simple part of his body captivated you? 

How many times had you secretly wondered to yourself how they’d feel inside you?

It didn’t matter anymore. You had your answer now. Fucking amazing.

“Spencer!” You whine out, his fingers naturally reaching that soft spot inside that you often struggled to even brush against. His lips find your clit again, sucking softly and you know you’re an absolute goner. 

“Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck-” 

Before you can even voice in coherent terms how good this feels, you’re coming, the walls of your cunt spasming around his fingers as he relishes in the reaction, using the tip of his tongue to circle your clit, and slowing his fingers down as you ride out the remnants of your orgasm. He slips the digits out of you as he rises to his knees, and sucks on his fingers, one by one, practically moaning as he tastes your release.

The sight is downright sinful.

“You taste so good.” He whispers, crashing his lips against yours again, and you’re already needy again when you can taste yourself on his tongue. 

His hands drift down to his own slacks, undoing them and pulling his cock out, already dripping with precum. 

“You ready, pretty girl?” He murmurs, guiding his tip to your waiting cunt. You’ve situated yourself on the wood of the desk entirely now, needing the support for what happens next. 

You nod, and without even realizing he was already mostly there, he pushes into you entirely, and your jaw drops. Your head rests against  his shoulder, trying to accustom to feeling of him stretching you out so fucking perfectly. 

How could you ever fuck anyone else again, when he just felt so perfect for you? 

It seemed that he agreed with the sentiment, moaning softly as his free hand steadied himself by gripping onto the shelf. “You feel so fucking good.” He murmurs. “Can I move? Are you okay?” He asks, softly. 

His other hand rubs soothing circles into your hip bone, and you’re nodding, touched by his concern for you, even during such a salacious act. 

His thrusts are slow at first, still allowing you to get used to the feeling of him inside of you, before he’s truly going at it, his thick cock rubbing against your wet walls in a way that makes you feel light and full all at once. It's delectable, and you never want it to end. 

You whine, holding onto his neck, your head thrown back as you take it, feeling the books rattle around you with every hump he deals into you. You can’t even find it in yourself to care– all that matters right now is you, and him, and how fucking amazing it feels when he’s fucking you like this. 

You can feel yourself building towards another pleasurable release, before you hear the telltale click of the library door opening, effectively removing you from the moment. Fuck. The janitor. 

“Spencer, Spencer!” You whisper-shout, biting your lip. His cock doesn’t once slow inside you, and you find it hard to think when it feels that good. 

“We’re gonna be caught!” You whine out, dizzied by how you were simultaneously turned on and utterly panicked. 

“No, we won’t.” He whispers, gruffly. With your hands now around his neck, he lets his hand drop from the shelf and covers your mouth. He leans in even closer, if that’s possible, eyes dark. 

The sight makes a shiver go up your spine. 

“Stay quiet.” He murmurs, as he begins to deal slower, more deliberate thrusts into your cunt. 

“Feel that? Feel how I’m filling you up, nice and slow?” He whispers, the words barely audible, but with how close he’s standing to you, they overtake every one of your senses, and you nod desperately, eyes glistening as you feel yourself dancing on the precipice of release. 

“Shh. I know.” He murmurs. “Come for me, yeah? I know you want to. Show me how much you like my cock inside of you.” 

It's a combination of his tone, of the risk you two were facing, and the sensation of him that has you responding exactly the way he wants, and in an instant, you’re coming with a shuddering breath, holding back a loud whine, just like he asked you to. 

The feeling of your walls spasming has him releasing as well,  a warmth flooding in your deepest point. His head drops into your shoulder as he attempts to muffle his moans the best he can, and you both bask in the afterglow for a second, trying to pant as quietly as you could. 

Spencer immediately springs into action, redressing you with precision and care, guiding your underwear and jeans back up, buttoning them up for you. You’re still in a slight haze from the two orgasms he’d just given you, and when you properly come to, his slacks are back on, and he leans in for a much more chaste kiss. It leaves you with butterflies, despite everything,  and you find yourself smiling softly at him. The fondness reflected in his expression is undeniable.

“Let’s get out of here.” He murmurs, grabbing your hand and guiding you in between the shadows of the shelves, effectively keeping you both from being caught. The janitor remains clueless, as you two sneak out, giggling like teenagers as you find yourselves outside, the summer night warm and cool all at once. 

“That was..” You mumble, laughing a bit, surprised that had even happened. 

“I know. I- uh. Might’ve gotten carried away?” He says. “I usually like to do that after a date. I just-” He steps closer, cupping your cheek. “I couldn’t wait. I hope that’s okay.” He whispers. 

“More than okay.” You whisper back. 

His thumb slowly strokes over the expanse of your cheek, and he bites his lip. “Could we? Date? Try this out?” He murmurs. “I know I didn’t get much of a chance to say it back there, but I really like you.” 

You can’t help the chuckle that escapes you. This man had just been inside you, and now he was blushing and stuttering whilst he attempted to ask you out. 

“Yes.” You nod. “Let’s try this.” 

He’s got the most genuine smile on his face, and a sigh of relief  can be heard as he leans in again to kiss you, and you can’t help the smile on your face as your lips meet his, the elation in both of your bodies absolutely radiating inside and out. 

You recount your first conversation and know now, there was a difference between liking romance, and being a romantic. 

You reckon Spencer Reid could make quite a romantic out of you. 

this is uploading an hour later than i wanted it to :( but whatever. i hope you guys like this one <3 i'm trying something new! not first person pov, but "you" ? pleaseee let me know how this works for you guys! i love experimenting out with new fic methods but if it's clear this isn't working TELL MEEE so i can go back to what did work. anyway, any likes, reblogs, comments are so so so genuinely appreciated. thank you thank you thank you for reading either way <3

[snoopyracing]

grapes and good fortune // ln4

pairing: lando norris X reader

word count: 4.7k

warnings: cursing and alcohol use

includes: friends to lovers, mutual pining, and fluff

summary: when your plan to find love on new year's eve doesn't work a certain someone may just fix those plans.

a/n: surprise! here's a cute little lando nye fic for you! it was so fun to write and i hope you all enjoy :)

masterlist

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

It’s not the end of the world to be single. You’ve gone your whole life technically being single– each guy you’ve had a thing with never resulted in a full fledged relationship. It never really seemed to bother you that much, you’d learned to be more independent and learned that your time is in fact more valuable than men think. Though, as the years passed and your friends started to get into serious relationships you couldn’t help but feel a little left behind.

You knew everyone’s time would come and seriously you were in your early to mid twenties – you still had a whole lifetime ahead of you. But the third wheeling you seemed to be a professional at by now was starting to get embarrassing. Also, holidays just really seemed to suck while being single. You knew there was more to life than being in a relationship, but god dammit you’re a human. You crave love and affection and no matter how independent you are– you still want to love and be loved. 

Your friend group had unsuccessfully tried setting you up with more guys than you could count. Each one you really did try and give a chance, but there was nothing there. You didn’t think you had high standards by any means, but if you didn’t feel anything with these guys then why waste your time? 

“You went on how many dates this month and none of them piqued your interest?” Your friend grills you as the two of you are sitting on the balcony of your apartment. You’d come back from another unsuccessful date and decided to drown your sorrows with a bottle of wine and a yapping session. 

“Genuinely think there might be something wrong with me at this point.” You complain as you sip the sweet wine in your glass. 

“There isn’t anything wrong with you.” The two dates a week for the past month say different, but you weren’t going to actually disclose that number to her. “Maybe your heart has already laid claim to someone else?” 

“I think I would know if I was in love with someone.” She doesn’t say anything, but the way she inconspicuously sips her wine is telling you what she’s wanting to say. “Not this again.” 

She puts her hands up in defense all while having a shit eating grin on her face. “I didn’t even say anything, but you immediately assuming that’s who I’m talking about says it all.” 

“I’m not in love with Lando.” 

Yes you were. 

“I mean he’s one of my closest friends and it would just make things weird. He also for sure does not look at me in any way other than platonic. He’s got models flocking to him and literally thousands of other girls– I couldn’t compete.” Your friend remains silent once again as she sips her wine and watches the scene in front of her unfold. “Ok– just because I drunkenly admitted last year that I might possibly have a little tiny miniscule amount of feelings towards him does not mean I’m in love with him.” 

“Yes it does.” Your friend replies without missing a beat. 

“No it doesn’t” You say with a huff. 

“Y/N, babe. You don’t see what everyone else sees and maybe your brain is trying to protect itself from the small chance of destruction, but you two are so in love it’s actually ridiculous.” 

“I don’t think he’s looking for a relationship right now. If this season so far is any indication of what next season is gonna be like, do you really think he’ll want a serious relationship to juggle too?” You’d chugged the last bit of wine in your glass and immediately filled it back up. 

A loud scoff comes from your friend. “With some girl he just met? No. You are a whole different story though. You two have history and are quite literally each other’s person. Two peas in a pod. Match made in heaven.” 

You didn’t understand why your friend was so adamant about Lando and you getting together. What if it ended in flames and your friend group is stuck having to play children of divorce? You don’t want that. 

“Do you hear yourself right now? I think you’ve had too much wine because that’s not true.” 

She sits up on the edge of the wicker couch with an annoyed expression painted across her face  “Do you hear yourself? I’ve never seen someone deny themselves happiness like you.” 

“I don’t think I have actual feelings for Lando though. I really think it’s just because we are the only two single people in our friend group and it’s like I feel obligated to somehow have feelings for him. I just need to find the right person and whatever I may be feeling about Lando will go away.” 

If someone could professionally roll their eyes your friend would be a pro. “You’ve already found the right person though!”

Before you can argue back for the hundredth time tonight the familiar tune of an incoming facetime call fills the air. Your phone that’s sitting on the glass coffee table lights up and Lando’s face fills the screen. You glance over at your friend who’s got a smirk on her face that could rival the Cheshire Cat. 

“Speak of the devil.” She laughs. 

You let it ring, fully knowing that if you answer it your friend will be insufferable the whole time you’re talking to him. You do send him a quick text to make sure everything's alright and of course he immediately responds with-

everything's all right.. just missed you is all. 

Which has you locking your phone and stuffing it in the pocket of your hoodie. When you reach for your glass and realize it’s empty again you decide to just grab the bottle and drink straight from it. 

“Drinking from the bottle because you’ve come to terms with how dumb you’ve been?” Your friend teases. 

“Nope. It’s from having to deal with you all evening.” 

Alright so maybe you did have actual feelings for Lando, but you were never going to fully admit that to your friend or anyone else for that matter. You didn’t want to risk ruining what you two already had, which was an amazing friendship. So for the following months you continue to go on an endless amount of dates and with each one that fails your friend's voice rings in your mind.

Maybe you wouldn’t be able to find someone else if you subconsciously compared every guy to Lando. They were never funny enough or charming enough or took themselves too seriously. In the end it was simply the fact that they weren’t Lando. So maybe your heart had already dug its claws into Lando, but you weren’t going to give up without one last battle. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

New Year's Eve. The final night of the year and the one party of the year that celebrates ends and beginnings. You’d hoped that with the plan you had for tonight that your streak of horrible dates would end and the next one would be the one. The trend of eating twelve grapes under a table at midnight on New Year’s Eve had been all over your social media. According to the internet if you were to do this you’d find love or your soulmate the following year– which was something you were so desperate for. So, your said plan was to bring some grapes with you and find a table to sit under. 

As you were taking one last final look in the mirror a familiar British accent echoed through your apartment. “Are you almost ready?” 

You quickly slipped on your heels and grabbed your bag off the dresser, but by the time you turned around there stood Lando, leaning against your doorframe with a slight smirk on his face. “Been waiting forever. It’s gonna be next year by the time we get out of here.” 

His teasing, which usually always got a reaction out of you, was ignored. The sight of him had you frozen in your tracks for a moment. He had on a white button up, which he always looked good in, but it was the couple of undone buttons at the top and the necklace you got him for his birthday last year around his neck that got your attention. There was always something about seeing Lando in things you got him that made that funny feeling bloom in your stomach. Perhaps it was the fact that everytime he chose to wear them you knew he was thinking about you and that when he was away a part of you was always with him. 

“Quit staring.” 

You're knocked out of your trance and the blush that creeps onto your cheeks from getting caught is almost as embarrassing as being caught. “I wasn’t staring. I was admiring my good taste. Should have gotten one myself.” You try to play it off and push your way past him with what little amount of confidence you have at the moment. 

“I’ll get it for you, then we can be matching.” Lando says as he follows behind you. 

“I can buy it myself.” 

“Yeah, but I’m still gonna get it for you anyways.”

You stop in the kitchen and grab the little bag of grapes out of the fridge. “I don’t need you to get it for me Lan.” You’re too preoccupied with figuring out how to fit everything into your small purse to see the utterly confused look on Lando’s face. 

“Ok forget about the necklace. Why the hell are you bringing grapes with you?” 

“Incase I get hungry.” You reply without missing a beat. 

“There will literally be food at the party. I even made sure Max got those little cocktail sausages you like.” 

And there he goes again, making those feelings you’ve tried and are still presently trying to push down come to the surface all because of some damn cocktail sausages. “I appreciate that Lan, but I’ve been on a grape kick lately. Just can’t seem to get enough of them.” 

With your purse finally closed with the grapes securely inside, you head towards the door, more than ready to get to the party. 

“I’ll text Max and tell him to get some grapes delivered.” Lando mumbles as he closes the door behind him. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

You’d never considered yourself much of a party girl, but there must have been something in the air tonight because you were living it up. From the dancing to the drinking and then to top it off somehow in the middle of everything you showed off your DJing skills with Lando. 

Somehow you’d managed to unglue yourself from Lando for a moment and ended up in the kitchen among the various kinds of alcohol. You’re pouring the last bit of coke into your coke and malibu when Max comes up beside you. 

“I see you finally escaped from Lando for a moment.” 

An airy laugh emits from you. “Yeah, he’s been a little clingy tonight.” You state as you turn and lean back against the counter, facing the large crowd of people. 

Max copies your actions, but not before grabbing a beer. “What are you talking about tonight? When he’s back home it’s like you two are conjoined at the hip.”  Which was true, but you didn’t get to see Lando as much as you’d like, so you make the most of what you can. “Oh forgot to tell you, your grapes are in the fridge.” He motions towards the stainless steel appliance with his beer bottle. “Lando better pay me back. Do you know how much I paid to get that damn bag delivered? Absolutely insane.” 

Your mouth forms an ‘O’ shape at Max’s words. “I heard him mention something about asking you to get some when we were leaving. I thought he was just joking.” 

Max scoffs. “There is no such thing as Lando joking when it comes to you. Think he’d chop off his own arm to make sure you were happy. Hell if you needed an organ he’d be the first one in line to give you one.” 

This time it’s your turn to scoff. “No he wouldn’t.” 

“Why do you do that?” Max groans. 

You narrow your eyes at him, confused as to what he was referring to. “Do what?” 

“Act like he doesn’t think the world of you.” 

Your mouth opens to reply, but no words come out. Instead you bring your cup to your lips and fill the void with your drink. What Max had said was true, but you couldn’t help it. You figured if you forced yourself to think that Lando didn’t care that deeply about you, then those feelings that you harbor for him wouldn’t rise to the surface. It didn’t help that his behavior recently had you thinking that perhaps he felt the same about you and when you have your mutual friends in your ear implying that to be true it just makes things that much harder for you. 

“You probably haven’t even noticed that he’s been practically watching us talk this whole time have you?” 

You can feel your heart rate start to speed up just at the thought of it. As your eyes scan the room they finally land on the Brit standing in the corner with some other people, but he’s not actually engaging in the conversation, he’s too busy staring back at you. Somehow from across the room you can still see those pretty mixture of blue and green eyes of his sparkle and when he realizes you're finally looking back at him a shy smile spreads across his face before he’s quickly looking away. 

“Wish you two would stop dancing around each other and just admit what we all already know.” Max mumbles before taking a swig of his beer. 

Maybe it’s the mixture of alcohol and the fact that you’ve once again got someone in your ear about Lando and you, but you can sense those feelings starting to claw their way back up and you aren’t sure if you can push them back down tonight. 

“Ten minutes until midnight!” The DJ’s voice travels through the apartment and you’re sure Max will be getting some kind of fee taped to his door in the morning. 

Max says something about talking to you later before exiting the kitchen and you realize with ten minutes till midnight that you’ve got to get your grapes and find a table to fit under. For the moment you push Lando to the back of your mind and focus on your very important task at hand. 

Luckily for you Max had a decently sized dining table in his apartment so with your grapes in hand you crawled under the table, which thankfully was shielded by a tablecloth, and settled in for your feast. 

Lando on the other hand had been searching for you everywhere since the ten minute announcement. He’d literally just seen you in the kitchen with Max and then when he looked back again you were both gone. He’d gone in the bathrooms, the bedrooms, the closets, every single place he could think you would be and it’s like you had vanished. Max had a large apartment, especially to be living in London, but it wasn’t that big to allow for you to not be found. His texts to you had gone unanswered and he began to think maybe you had left, but he knew you would have told him if you were leaving, so that theory went out the window. 

When the five minute announcement hit his ears he began asking people if they had seen you and with each no or i think she was in the kitchen a while ago he received his hopes of finding you before midnight started to diminish. 

He’d finally worked up the courage to tell you how he’d felt tonight. After years of holding himself back and not wanting to ruin what you two already had, he’d decided that life was too short and that he would come to regret not allowing himself to truly love you like he should. He knew you were the one and there wasn’t a bone in his body that didn’t think you didn’t feel the same. So, he was finally going to bite the bullet tonight and he wanted you to be the person he was kissing as the clock struck twelve. But if he couldn’t find you, then how in the world was he supposed to do that? 

Lando was honestly starting to get worried over not being able to find you, screw the whole love confession at this point. What if something had happened to you? He’d been all over Max’s place countless times and he still couldn’t find you. With the official countdown echoing through the apartment he decided to just say fuck it and head to your place and see if you had gone home.

As he was heading to get his coat a familiar sparkly heel sticking out from under the dining table caught his attention. It was the same type of heels he’d seen you put on earlier and he did somewhat of a double take. He wondered if it was the couple drinks he’d had messing with him because why would you be sitting under Max’s dining table? 

He crouches down and slowly lifts the table cloth up, unsure of what he’s going to find underneath it. Everyone is only getting louder and with five seconds until midnight what he finds staring back at him under the table is not at all how he expected his night to end up. There you are with your now empty bag of grapes on the floor and your cheeks stuffed full of said grapes. You resemble something of a chipmunk and Lando can’t help but laugh at you. 

“What the hell are you doing down here?” 

The excessively loud shouting of happy new year from everyone while noise makers and confetti fill the air distract both Lando and you for a moment. He didn’t think this is the position he’d be in right now, he figured he’d be in that crowd with his lips on yours like so many others right now. While you on the other hand didn’t think you’d be caught in such an embarrassing situation, not to mention you hadn’t even gotten all your grapes down, so this stupid thing was probably all for nothing. 

His attention is back on you in no time and he really wants to know what you were doing. Were you that addicted to grapes that you had to hide under the table while you got your fix? If so, he may need to have a talk with you. 

“Seriously, why are you hiding under the table stuffing grapes into your mouth?” He prods again. 

Your mouth is still so full of the grapes that you can’t really talk and all you can manage to get out is leave while simultaneously trying to jab his leg with your heel. You were embarrassed and at this point scared you might choke on the grapes, and you’d rather go out in peace then have Lando cause a scene because you were choking. 

“Ouch!” Lando yelps as your heel finally makes contact with him. You know he’s being dramatic because you barely even kicked him, but you would try anything for him to drop that table cloth and let you be. “Come on, come out from under there.” Lando grabs your arm and practically forces you to come out from under the table.

Luckily, everyone else was too preoccupied with still ringing in the New Year to see you crawl out and as you dust yourself off you're still chomping on the last couple grapes left. The party only seems to be getting crazier and you don’t really feel like staying here until the party inevitably ends at an ungodly hour in the morning, especially now that your plan for love has undoubtedly failed. 

You finally swallow the last couple grapes and take a deep breath, the fear of choking and embarrassment now behind you. “Do you care if I leave? Not really feeling the party that much anymore.” 

Lando doesn’t even question your request. “I’ll walk you home, let me grab our coats and tell Max we are leaving.” 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

The cold England air hits you as you exit Max’s apartment building and you’re thankful that your place isn’t very far from his. It’s silent between Lando and you for some time, the sound of your heels on the pavement, fireworks in the distance, and other people celebrating are the only things you two hear. 

“Can I ask you something?” Lando finally breaks the silence. 

“Shoot.” 

He takes a deep breath fully knowing once he opens this locked away side of him that there’s no going back. “Have you ever thought about us?” 

You feel your heart skip a beat at his question, yet you try to remain cool and collected. “What do you mean?” 

He stops in his tracks causing you to mimic his actions. “Like,” he motions between the two of you, “us.”

There’s not a doubt in your mind about what he’s referring to and yes you do think about the two of you. Yet your brain feels scrambled once you're actually confronted with the possibility of Lando feeling the same as you. You’d tried so hard to ignore the feelings, hell you’d tried something you saw on the internet to hopefully bring a different man into your life to finally squash those feelings. You’d just never thought you’d be in this position though and it’s throwing you into a whirlwind. 

Lando isn’t sure what your silence means and he figures he’s already started, he might as well just fully admit it at this point. 

“Fuck it. I told myself I was going to do this tonight and I’m not gonna chicken out again.” His cheeks are rosy from the cold and you can tell by the way his pretty eyes dart all around your face that he’s trying to figure out how to say what he wants to say. “I’ve got feelings for you.” He finally blurts out.

“No scratch that I’m in love with you Y/N. Think I have been for some time now. I’ve tried telling you how I felt for what seems like ages, but I’ve always been too scared to. I’ve been afraid that you wouldn’t feel the same and to me I’d rather bottle up my feelings and keep you in my life then tell you how I feel and lose you. But clearly I’ve grown tired of that and realized that the reward would be higher than the risk. You’re my person Y/N. I couldn’t imagine life without you and to have you be mine would make life that much better. So here I am baring my heart to you on some street in London on New Year’s Eve. I actually had a whole plan on how I was-” 

His rambling while you loved most of the time was cut off by your desire to shut him up with your lips on his and you did just that. You grabbed him by his coat and pulled him into you, your lips crashing together. It takes him a moment to realize what's happening, but when his brain finally starts to work and he kisses you back it’s everything you could have imagined and more.

Kissing Lando is like heaven on Earth and the way his soft lips feel against yours has you wishing you would have just stopped being so stubborn and listened to your friends ages ago. His large warm hands come out of his pockets and he cups your face as he deepens the kiss, which has you feeling lightheaded and warm all over. 

There’s fireworks being let off not too far away that light up the sky above you, but you’re too engrossed in each other to pay them much mind. It’s truly like a scene straight out of a movie and you know you’ll remember this moment forever. 

You two finally pull away to breathe and it’s like you can see the world in a whole new way. The depressing grey landscape of London in the winter time suddenly looks like it was painted in technicolor and neither of you can wipe the cheek hurting grin off your faces. “So I guess you feel the same?” He asks. 

“Yes Lando Norris, I’m in love with you too. Have been for a while and like you I didn’t want to ruin what we already have. To me there was no possible way that you felt the same and I hate rejection and the idea of losing you. So, I went on a million dates trying to find someone that would replace how I felt about you, but I guess you can’t replace someone who your heart has already laid claim to.” 

You feel Lando intertwine your fingers with his and it’s like everything just feels right in the world. 

“I’m glad we stopped being so stubborn and that I don’t have to see you out with all those random guys anymore.” 

“Believe me, none of them even came close to comparing to you. It was like going on a date with a sack of potatoes most of the time.” 

His infectious laugh fills your ears and you feel your heart swell. You can’t believe this was what you were depriving yourself of for so long. 

The rest of the walk back to your apartment is spent walking hand in hand. All while little giggles escape each of you ever so often and Lando occasionally kisses you on the head or lifts your intertwined hands up to plant a kiss there. 

“I have to ask again. It’s really been bugging me. What were you doing under that table?” Lando asks as you near your apartment building. A loud groan emits from you and there isn’t anything less that you would want to talk about than that. “Come on, just tell me!” 

“Fine! I saw this thing on the internet that if you eat twelve green grapes under a table at midnight that it’s supposed to bring you luck in the love department in the New Year. Like you’d find your soulmate or something. I was so desperate to try and get over these feelings I have for you so what we had wouldn’t be ruined that I was willing to try anything.” 

He’s silent for a moment and then he looks at you with the biggest smile on his face. “Well I’d say it worked didn’t it? You’ve found love and not to be overzealous, but I’d say your soulmate too.” 

You’re stunned for a moment when you realize that yes, the grapes did work, just not in the way you planned. The universe had put Lando in your life years ago and for some weird reason had you wait this long to finally truly be in one another's lives, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. Hell, you’d eat a whole package of grapes if that meant Lando and you got to be together in every lifetime. 

“They did, didn't they? I guess almost choking to death was worth it in the end.” 

“I mean I know I’m every woman’s dream, but you didn’t almost have to kill yourself to get my attention baby.” 

You playfully slap his arm as he laughs at you. That big head of his was sometimes fully ego and you realized you were going to have to put up with it all the time now. “Oh shut up.” 

“Yeah, but you love me.” He states before pressing a kiss to your lips, which has your mind feeling like TV static once again. 

When you pull away and look him in the eyes there’s nothing but pure love staring back at you and you know that this is who is meant to be in your life, till the end. “More than you’ll ever know.” 

The next morning you receive a group text from Max with Lando and you in it.  

max: why have i found an empty bag with what looks to be a grape stem in it under my dining table??? i fully know it was one of you.

you: i don’t know what you're talking about. 

lando: me either. no grapes were consumed by us last night. must have been someone else. 

[nochepsicodelica]

Mornings with the clingy bear (Toji my beloved <3) when he wakes up before you, but there's no agenda for the day so he just gets to watch you sleep until you wake up on your own. Despite how much he dislikes when you sleep in without him, being able to admire your peaceful, sleeping features makes up for it. Who would ever assume that this sleeping princess could be capable of wreaking so much havoc, but also be the one screaming mayday? He swears you'll give him a heart attack one day. He's too old for your insanity, but god, he wouldn't ask you to change a thing and he's not dying to get away from you. Quite the opposite, actually. The closer you are, the better.

He was careful not to move too fast, to not wake you up as he traced your dormant features. Green eyes roamed over your lips, your cheeks, your nose and your eyes. He had to fight the urge to not roughly drag you closer towards him and squeeze the life out of you.

Your eyebrows pinch and your nose scrunches, your eyes still shut. "Ugh, it's like you're pointing a laser at my forehead," you croak, pulling the blanket up to cover your face. You're stirring under the blanket, on the brink of waking up. If Toji were a dog, which he's not because he's a bear, his tail would be thumping against the bed <3

You throw the blanket off your head, a lazy smile on your face that heavily contrasted your tone from a couple minutes ago. His attention causes you to giggle. He's so focused on you, it's hard not to laugh.

Finally, you're awake so he can pull you closer. You're already touching, but you're not wedged together and that's exactly what he needs in this moment.

"What's that giggle about? Huh?" He asks, pulling your body right up against his. His nose pokes your cheek, his lips resting on the space just below it, luring another laugh from you.

"You woke me up, like you always do, Toji. I can't ever sleep in with you," you say, no bite to your words at all.

"That's too bad, isn't it? It's why I tell you to go to sleep at a reasonable time yet you still go to sleep past midnight, hm?"

"Whatever."

"Mhm, whatever," he says, copying you. "Whatever, until tomorrow morning when I do it again, but with less mercy."

You groan and turn to face him. You can't even be annoyed with him when he looks so good.

"There are so many things you can do without me in the morning," you say, cupping his cheek, your thumb brushing his skin, affectionately. "You can... go on a walk or watch TV. Ooo, you can get breakfast going so that when I wake up, it's ready."

He mimics the gentleness of your touch on his cheek, his palm rubbing your lower back. "Don't wanna. That's boring."

"Tojii," you whine, removing your hand from his face, attempting to turn away from him.

"Without you," he corrects, using the hand he has on your back to prevent you from getting too far. "Why make breakfast alone when we can do it together?"

"You mean I cook and you either just watch or you get in my way?"

"You know it, mama," he says, pressing a kiss to the corner of your lips.

"It's literally eight in the morning, Toji. You should be thrown in jail for disturbing my slumber," you say, attempting to distract him from the color that spreads onto your cheeks.

"Nah, you'd miss me." A smug grin creeps its way onto his lips.

"Mm..." you hum, acting like you're unsure if that's a certain fact. This is you wreaking havoc. You say and do a lot of things that drive him crazy, and now—with proof—even just humming out a response will do that to him.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing at all," you say, the hint of a smile on your face.

"No?" If Toji were a dog, which he's not because he's a bear, his ears would be down and his tail would no longer be wagging </3

You sigh. "I'm messing with you. You know I would miss you like hell."

"Oh, really?" He scoffs, in disbelief. "You're ice cold for that, mama. Need me to warm you up, huh?" He says, gliding the hand he has on your lower back across the expanse to grip your waist.

You put your hand over his. "Nope. This blanket is keeping me warm. It does the job just fine."

"I'm better than the blanket," he argues, rolling onto you, unexpectedly.

You groan before you laugh at the feeling of the spontaneous weight laid on top of you, your chest barely able to move with the gesture because of the iron-like hold he had on you. An unbreakable bear hug, if you will :(

"Toji," you say, voice strained yet still managing to muster out your giggling. "Toji, you're crushing me."

"Mm..." he hums, dismissively. He buries his face into your neck, sparing some kisses for it while he listens up close to the sound of your groans of being compressed, mixed with laughter, as you try to push him off. This is you shouting mayday after the chaos you made for yourself and Toji has no intention of swooping in to save you from himself.

You eventually surrender, because all your pushing is futile against Toji, who wasn't moved an inch by you. Lying on you and holding you so tight was beginning to backfire on him. He was starting to feel more like a heated, weighted blanket on you, now. It was reeling in your tiredness, again.

"Mmm... I could fall back asleep like this. Please, can I, baby?" you mumble, shutting your eyes.

"Yeah? Now you're comfortable?" He asks, teasingly, while watching you relax under him.

"You're warmer," you admit. "And clearly more suitable for cuddling."

"You're trynna butter me up, aren't you?" He says, sighing into your neck, tiredness returning to him as well.

"Maybe... One more hour, baby. Please? All I need is one more hour," you say, bringing your arms up onto his back. "I won't complain later when you make me take a nap with you," you add, to further bribe him. "We can do anything you want, too. Nothing is off limits." You turn your head and press a kiss to his temple.

He sighs, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. "It's hard to say no to all of that. You gonna be real sweet to me later today?"

"Of course. I'm gonna smother you and be so disgustingly affectionate that you'll want to sleep on the couch tonight for some separation."

He bites. Being loved on by you anytime sounds like a dream. Space will never be his response to your affection, when he thrives off of it.

"Fine," he grumbles, like it was hard for him to come to his decision. "Only one more hour. Gonna stay here, though, since i'm already comfortable."

[knuppitalism-with-ue]

Ok, another Mexidracon thread because I find this critter just fascinating. In our latest stream I tried to illustrate my point further by showing the proposed sediment probing behavior I assume for this animal.

I did the image on the left on stream but I wasn't that happy with the background so i did the second version above. Again, I don't think these arms were made for fishing, it's arms don't appear flexible or powerful enough to grab or spear fish.

It's relatively short legs also might hint at an overall slower locomotion style, like wading through shallow water, something that would have been abundant in its coastal/deltic environment...

Something that I also let influence this reconstruction is a certain specimen of Ornithomimus which shows traces of feathers on the forearm but NOT of the metacarpals. This might mean that the primaries were just smaller but for the purpose of this reconstruction I went with naked hands... (artwork by Julius Csotonyi)

In this last quick doodle I wanted to show the way I imagine these guys going after invertebrates. This of course assumes many things. Like, that the interpretation of the original authors of this fossil is correct; that the rest of the animal was rather "normal" for an ornithomimosaur or that these limbs had a practical use at all. Another thing that is of course possible is that these arms actually were display structures, very colorful, maybe fully feathered. But I personally prefer the sediment probing idea for now and would avoid yet another display function case.

I hope we find some more specimens in the near future and I would love to see some more takes on this animal. It's been a while since I thought about a new dinosaur this much.

[fluffylino]

Strawberry Cow ! Chan 🌸🍓🌸

he's not just any kind of hybrid...he's the first ever 'male' cow you've ever met. chan's a sweetheart, even more so when he's milked...

(i was suppozed to write this a year ago and finally here it is, enjoy lovelies <333)

reblogging > liking

part two

-contains mildly suggestive themes

Hybrids were pretty much accepted into this world of ours. they were treated like humans, with respect (most of the time) and accepted into society quite easily.

And somehow you found yourself accidently conversing with one particular male hybrid.

he was handsome.

so incredibly beautiful, it made you question if he was even real.

two horns on either side of his head and a pair of fluffy white ears twitched beneath them. it wasn't a white that hits the eye, it was a white that looked like freshly whipped cream. with soft fur that was slightly longer than usual.

you weren't quite sure what species he was. it was difficult to make out and honestly nervewracking to ask a hybrid that kind of question.

it was almost the same as asking a human if they were a person of colour, as if they were of ethnic descent.

he could be a gazelle? maybe a buck?

but his horns weren't so sleek and thin. they were neither black in colour.

instead his thicker horns were a complete contrast to his dark hair.

a bull, maybe? or did he dye his hair?

you were about to lose your mind.

"I'm actually a cow hybrid..." he let out so quietly, with a nervous smile. Damn, he was too beautiful for his own good.

"I've never seen a cow hybrid" you mutter without much thought.

instantly regretting your statement upon seeing his awkward stance.

"no no i meant i've never seen a cow hybrid as handsome as you" waving your hands dramatically to clear the tense air.

"as...handsome as..me?" he mumbles and you were sure your heart stopped beating.

"oh god it was wrong of me to assume what you are and how you'd prefer to be addressed-"

your voice dying down as you hear him laugh.

its such a soft laugh, it goes straight to your heart. neither mocking nor a loud one. soothing to the ears.

"i'm sorry if i'm so shaky...its been a long time since anyone has ever..complimented me..."

you sighed in relief, letting a smile creep up on your face. his cheeks dusted with a light shade of pink and you knew you looked as shy as him.

The small coffee joint was beginning to crowd and it seemed that neither of y'all liked crowded spaces.

the cow hybrid slowly stood up, straightening his posture and your eyes widened.

he was well built, a good height compared to yours and his muscles were defined enough to leave an imprint on the shirt he was wearing. loosely buttoned up and hanging low on his collar. Black really was his colour...

you mentioned his build, complimenting him to the point his ears were redder than ever. shy little giggles escaping his plush lips. gosh...

his lips made you want to kiss him senseless.

"could we..uhm...be friends or uh more...i mean-" he mumbles, stuttering so sweetly.

"of course, darling. but you never quite told me your name?" you coo.

"I'm chan or...you can..call me chris"

he smiled continously as you told him your name and how you come by here often.

his ear twitching excitedly when the two of y'all share phone numbers. promising to keep in touch in the days to come.

.

🌸

.

Chan was a lot different from your first meeting. considering the fact that nearly a month or more than a month had passed.

you happened to find out how much a hybrid like him had to go through. to you, he was an ordinary cow hybrid. but chan explained how the term 'ordinary' never existed in his vocabulary.

of course you knew he was a male but what did not strike you was the fact that he shouldve been called a bull.

Instead he was classified under cow, making him a proper cow hybrid.

Taking into consideration that he was also a male, made it difficult for him to lead his life as usual. bodily changes and phenomenon occurring during certain periods made the poor hybrid's life tougher.

Cases like him were rare, not exactly non existent.

.

.

His room was unimaginably aesthetic. changing colours that faded to pink and purple, sometimes gold.

one thing you realised was his love for the colour black. laughing when he opens his cupboard. it was a black hole in there with numerous clothes lined up.

making yourself comfortable on his bed, you noticed how on-edge he was. his behaviour much different, extra shy as he sheepishly sat beside you. your backs resting against the wooden headboard.

"why'd you call me here, channie?" you asked, smiling at the way his thin sleek tail swished around.

his eyes gaze at you with such pureness, you blurt out another statement.

"I mean, i'd spend my entire day or even week with you if you wanted! but i just got a bit worried because you called me here oit of the blue, baby"

reassuring him while patting his knee lovingly.

"I..I wanted to come c-clear about myself"

you nodded, urging him to go on. he pauses, looking at you for a few seconds. theres this nervousness in his energy and you scooch closer to him.

"I lactate...almost every four days, sometimes every two days depending on tge weather..." gazing at you sweetly.

"yes, im aware channie"

"you know about-" his eyes widen, surprise in his tone.

"of course I do, did you really think I wouldn't find ways to help you after you told me how hard your day to day life is"

you joked lightly.

"if i don't...milk myself every now and then, I feel full. like heavy.."

you squeeze his hand fondly, interlocking your fingers.

"do you do it manually? or do you use some kind of device?"

from his expression and body language, you could see him grow comfortable.

"manually...pumps are quite the price"

you gasp, wondering if you pried a little too deep. chan takes it as you being weirded out but you stop him before he starts overthinking.

"no no no sweerheart, i was just surprised that you did it manually for so many years"

"i've tried a pump once or twice...but i don't like the feeling...it made me feel like an object..." he pauses, cheeks turning pink as ever before he continues.

"whenever i...uhm my chest swells and gets really sensitive..."

well that was new info to you.

"like mine?" you let out, laughing as his ears twitch and he blinks furiously.

"w-what do you mean-"

"I meant like does your chest get to like my size? i'm pretty average but does yours get bigger?"

the strawberry cow hybrid blushed.

"it depends! on m-my mood and..uhm everything"

.

🍬

.

"Chris?! what's wrong?"

worry filling your mind. the hybrid looked distressed and out of his senses. sweating profusely.

"its n-nothing, I don't feel so good" he tried to reassure although it wasn't quite reassuring to you.

his fluffy ears were lopsided and his tail swished around desperately

you cupped his face gently. his reaction waw everything. nuzzling into your palm. it was obvious. it was happening.

"channie. baby look at me"

you urged, making him focus on you. and only you.

"do you want me to help you?"

"help...help with milking me? p-please?" his tone gentle and he uttered a small plea.

"just place your hand h-here and massage slowly"

his bigger hand held onto yours as he pressed your palm flat on his chest. he was right. his chest was swell and warmer than ever.

"do you mind, baby.."

obediently he held his shirt between his teeth. gnawing on the material. you let your hand run over his toned abdomen. feeling up his tense muscles.

"y-you're so fit, channie" he grunted softly.

his milk running down your fingers slowly. with every massage, more seeped out of his pretty nubs.

unconciously you stuck your tongue out, licking up the droplets that rolled down the expanse of his chest.

"ah don't let it g-go to waste p-please please"

begging you to drink more. his hands squeezing yours. whining so sweetly as you sucked his pumped up chest. his breathing quick and shaky.

god, you wanted to corrupt him...

.

.

.

.

.

.

fuck...part 2?

should i?!

this concept to me, is so hot!!!!!

i wrote a part two-

[genderqueerdykes]

thank you both for this, i was literally in the process of writing a post about this as i saw these.

i came out as bisexual when i was about 19 or 20 years old, in 2011 - 2012. this was such a difficult thing because everyone around me suddenly had very pointed opinions on me. suddenly i wasn't queer anymore, i was a straight person. i asked people why and they said well bisexual people are half straight, which makes you straight, which means gay people don't want to be around you. i was told nobody likes bisexuals because they're too straight to be gay and too gay to be straight

i had a literal personal dilemma because i didn't feel like that at all. when i was realizing i was bisexual i was realizing i was attracted to all genders in a queer way. i did NOT feel like my attraction to men, women or genderqueer people was straight in any way, shape or form. i've always fit in much better in both gay and lesbian circles. those have always been my home, and my community

in the early days of my transition, when "genderqueer" wasn't even remotely heard of, i had to try to transition into being a man to be seen as trans at all. i went from being forced into lesbian spaces to being forced into gay male spaces. nobody let me pick where i was existing. i was being pushed around. i liked both lesbian and gay male spaces, but i was being told when i could and couldn't occupy the spaces. and then when it came out i was bi everyone called me a traitor and said i was a straight person

my best friend at the time came with me to pride meetings and when her mom found out about that, and that i was bi, she told my friend she couldn't come to those pride meetings anymore, and that i was turning her daughter into a lesbian. her mother would not stop calling me a lesbian all throughout my life. from early childhood, she thought me and her daughter were dating because i was butch and she was femme and we were very close. her mom carried this belief into adulthood, asking her outright if we were lovers. her brother thought we were, too, and taunted us about it.

my own mom weaponized lesbianism against me. she hated how butch i was. she hated that i "looked and acted like a lesbian". she called me a butch and a bulldyke hatefully. she told me not to dress or look certain ways or else people would assume i, and her by some proxy, were lesbians. my mom was insanely butch so i don't really know why this was being leveraged against me but either way when i became a young adult and my mom was trying to force me to learn to drive (something i am terrified of doing due to having 2 dissociative disorders), she asked what kind of car i would ideally like. i said a truck. i was standing there in a purple plaid shirt and she just sighed and went "I knew you were a lesbian." she pointed out my shirt. she was weaponizing lesbophobic and butchphobic stereotypes against me, but either way, reinforcing that i was a lesbian in one capacity or another

i got so tired of my friends harassing me for saying that if i was bi that meant i was straight and i needed to stop calling myself gay because i wasn't, and that it was an "insult" to the gay community. note that nobody gave a singular flying fuck about the bisexual community at all. i was literally bullied out of identifying as bi, because my straight cishet male friends hated it, and my lesbian identifying GF was uncomfortable with it because it made me sound too straight.

the thing is, none of these people asked what being bisexual meant to me.

i actually liked the lesbian community a lot. i really love other lesbians. i have always been attracted to lesbian and butch identifying people for as long as i could remember. i loved seeing strong butch women on TV, even if there were rude jokes. i loved the idea of being a masculine person who is sometimes a queer masculine woman. i loved the idea of being with femmes, i loved queer women and people who took femininity to the next level. i also loved seeing gay men when and wherever they existed. i always felt like i fit right in, and like i was seeing a reflection of a part of myself i needed help discovering.

i have almost always, as long as i can remember, identified as a gay man, and a lesbian, at the same time. my attraction to men, women, and people of all genders is queer no matter what gender of mine is involved. it doesn't matter. i have never felt "half gay half straight" which is why people weaponizing heterosexuality against me as a bisexual forced me to strictly identify as a gay man for almost a decade. it was painful to ignore my butch lesbian side, and to stop identifying as gay, because people would criticize how attractive i found women, and other people

if people had let me exist and explain what bisexuality means to me, they could've understood that bisexual is an inherently deeply queer attraction no matter what genders are involved, but NOBODY cares to listen to the bisexual. everyone LOVES to speak for us because we're just "straight people invading the queer community."

we've had it. bisexuals are queer. even if they DO identify as "half straight" they're STILL queer. let bisexuals define bisexuality. there is no one size fits all form of bisexuality. every single bisexual defines it differently and that's the point. it's a very complex identity with many layers that often relate to gender and presentation as well as attraction.

let bisexuals define bisexuality.

[majikkulu]

✮  gemini  risings  with  lilith  in  the  1st  or  conjuncting  the  ascendant  tend  to  look  way  younger  than  they  are,  which  can  mess  with  how  people  treat  them.  growing  up,  they  probably  weren’t  taken  seriously  and  might’ve  been  teased  for  their  appearance.  as  they  get  older,  they  still  hear  comments  about  looking  “ageless,”  but  also  notice  people  acting  weirdly  distant  or  hesitant  to  engage.  they  can  come  off  as  cold,  shy,  or  like  they’ve  got  major  rbf.

✮  saturn’s  sign,  house,  and  degree  can  point  to  people  who  really  shape  you.  they’re  not  just  randoms.  these  individuals  stick  around  and  usually  challenge  you  in  some  way,  but  also  help  you  grow.

⤷  my  saturn’s  in  cancer  in  the  2nd  at  a  virgo  degree,  and  i’ve  had  super  impactful  relationships  with  people  who  have  cancer,  virgo,  or  taurus  placements.  even  the  ones  who  hurt  me  were  part  of  the  bigger  picture,  y’know?

⤷  my  best  friend’s  saturn  is  in  cancer  in  the  11th  at  a  pisces  degree  and  i’m  a  pisces  with  heavy  11th  house  energy. 

⤷  i’ve  noticed  similar  vibes  with  my  favorite  artists  too.

✮  venus  sextile  saturn  people  crave  real  recognition  in  love.  they’re  loyal,  grounded,  and  tend  to  seek  long-term  relationships.  they  show  up  fully  and  with  intention,  and  usually  end  up  with  partners  who  are  older  or  more  mature.  they’re  the  kind  you  never  forget.

✮  venus  trine  pluto  people  love  hard.  even  short  flings  hit  deep  and  end  up  changing  them  in  big  ways.  they’ve  got  this  mysterious  pull.  their  energy  lingers,  in  the  best  and  worst  ways.

✮  jupiter  in  the  5th  is  all  about  charm  and  creativity.  these  individuals  light  up  a  room  and  tend  to  have  a  playful,  warm  vibe.  kids  gravitate  toward  them  naturally,  and  they’re  always  exploring  new  hobbies  or  artistic  outlets.  love  life is usually  exciting  and  full  of  good  stories.

✮  sun  square  ascendant  can  feel  like  people  just  don’t  “get”  them  early  on  like  there’s  a  disconnect  between  how  they  feel  inside  and  how  they  come  across.  but  over  time,  they  grow  into  themselves  and  start  owning  their  energy  with  more  confidence.

✮  mars  in  taurus  takes  forever  to  blow  up,  but  when  they  do  it’s  rare,  but  intense.  usually  they  just  stay  annoyed  quietly,  until  they  can’t  anymore.

✮  chiron  in  the  9th  often  comes  with  confusion  around  beliefs,  identity,  or  education.  maybe  they  were  forced  into  certain  systems  or  had  a  tough  time  in  school.  as  they  get  older,  they  start  carving  out  their  own  views  and  path,  slowly  figuring  out  what  actually  resonates  with  them.

✮  virgo  risings  tend  to  have  naturally  defined  features  and  solid  body  structure.   usually  lean,  toned,  or  athletic  even  if  they’re  not  trying  too  hard.

✮  4th  house  stelliums  usually  mean  someone’s  got  a  big  family  or  strong  family  ties.  these  individuals  are  all  about  their  roots.  very  close  to  their  relatives  and  deeply  shaped  by  their  home  life.

✮  pluto  in  the  10th  brings  a  lot  of  attention,  not  all  of  it  wanted.  people  either  idolize  or  dislike  them.  there’s  not  much  in-between.  even  when  they’re  not  trying,  their  presence  is  powerful  and  kinda  intimidating.  some  assume  they’re  manipulative  or  scandalous  just  based  on  their  vibe.

✮  sag  moons  or  people  with  moon-jupiter  energy  are  bubbly,  flirty,  and  just  full  of  life.  they  thrive  in  social  settings,  love  to  joke  around,  and  always  seem  to  be  the  center  of  attention,  but  in  a  fun  way.

✮  cancer  risings  or  moon  in  the  1st  house?  people  are  drawn  to  them  without  even  knowing  why.  they  give  off  a  soft,  caring,  super  likable  energy  especially  women  with  these  placements.  they  tend  to  attract  a  lot  of  attention  without  trying.  ngl…  some  of  them  have  a  sneaky  side.  manipulation  and  lying  can  come  up  if  they’re  not  being  real  with  themselves  or  others.