#but the people above me are really hyping it up when ultimately he’s just some guy

[sassmill]

I signed up to do social media for this place to boost our fall registration not give some man I’ve never met free tour publicity…

[finrays]

Horizon Tag Game?

Stole this one from @foibles-fables

1.ride or die ship (your otp): It may be abnormal, but I don’t really ship things except in like… an offhanded “Oh that might be cute” kind of way. Just not what comes into my head when I consume media. I’ve never been ride or die for a ship in my life.

2. most annoying ship: The Odyssey, because it brought the Zeniths back

3. second favourite ship: The one that rammed the Horus off of San Francisco

4. favourite platonic relationship: NOW we’re speaking my language; these games are SO GOOD about friendships, it’s hard to pick just one. I could talk about ALL of them for DAYS.

But I’ll focus in on one; I absolutely LOVE the Erend-Varl dynamic. They have such a feeling of “We’re both smart, capable men but when we’re together, we just discard all our brain cells and do stupid shit for fun,” and they both SORELY need it, I love it so much. And! They also have good talks about their feelings; Erend specifically mentions sitting down with Varl and having a beer and a good talk, and I love the shit out of it.

5. underrated ship: That’s all the ships I know of in this game… maybe there will be others in H3? The Skiff from Burning Shores is pretty fun, even if there ARE Waterwings that outclass it.

6. overrated ship: The ones that foundered on the way from the Quen homeland, probably, I bet they hyped those fuckers up and then they SANK the minute they hit a typhoon. Shameful.

7. one thing i would change in canon: So fucking much. I’ve written numerous posts about this before. And the cheap answer would be my ecology rants, lol. But…

I think I’m with Foibs on this one; Zeniths as the ultimate antagonists of H3. Imagine spending the entire time in FW learning about the Claw-Back. About how the world was reeled back from the brink of ecological collapse. And imagine, sprinkled throughout, we have the voices of the people who are currently returning on the Odyssey; Gerard, standing in the way of a coastal restoration project, because he could make money off of beachfront condos. Erik, being called in to break up a protest with vicious efficiency. Walter, being nonchalant about the radiation his rockets produce. All these people, putting selfishness and profit above people and planet. We get a chance to really dig our teeth into hating them for a reason. There are bits and pieces of this in the Canon As is of FW, but you have to HUNT them down. Imagine these people being front and center.

And then imagine we finally see the Zeniths at the end of the game. And we realize with a start…

…we’ve heard their voices before.

Thematically, the 1% coming back to take the planet after the hard work of restoring it is done, and Aloy and Co putting down their feet and going “NO” is much more satisfying a narrative to me than “Oh noooo, there’s a Big Bad AI coming” but I’m not in charge of the writing, I’m counting fish halfway across the world. So.

8. something canon did right: I’m literally spitting down HFW’s throat for this. I’m slamming its face into a bench covered in wet paint. I make NO apologies whatsoever for this brand of criticism because it’s one of my Pet Soapbox Issues. The ecology stuff is just for fun. This is Serious Times.

But the first game NAILED their scientist characters. All of them felt so much like people I’ve met in the field. Which is to say, HUMAN people, driven by passion, hope, fear, EMOTION. They really, really did well with it.

And then totally threw it out the window in the second game, but that’s another rant entirely.

9. a thing i'm proud of creating for the fandom PLEASE BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF I WANT TO SEE/READ YOUR ART: Here’s my AO3 if you want it.

10. a character who is perfect to me (wouldn't change a thing): I… don’t have one, actually. Even the characters I love dearly were, I think, mishandled in many ways that I don’t agree with. I think Alva comes closest. But even she, I have some notes for, as far as gameplay/story separation goes… they could have done a better job with everyone.

11. the character i relate to the most and why: Elisabet. 100%. She’s my favorite for a reason. When I was 16, I decided on my career trajectory for similar reasons to hers; I wanted to help. I wanted to make the world a better place. To see that actually represented in a character focused in the sciences is… shockingly rare. Additionally? Our personalities ended up being fairly similar as well. High anxiety, very strongly introverted, cares deeply but has weird/nonstandard ways of showing it, trouble connecting with people… I really feel like this is the closest I’ve seen to seeing myself represented onscreen, and it’s in a positive light this time! Mostly! I love it and I love her so much.

12. character(-s) i hate the most and why: I don’t think I outright hate any characters in this series outside the narrative sense? There are ones I don’t understand the appeal of. There are ones I’m puzzled by. But it’s not really personal. It’s not hatred. Like, even Ted, who’s SUPER fun to hate on, is well-fitted to his role. And that’s pretty cool.

13. something i've learned from the fandom: They will make it so much worse than you could have ever imagined (both affectionate and derogatory.)

14. three tags i seek out on ao3: I don’t browse AO3! I take fic recs from friends, mostly.

15. a song i strongly associate with my otp/favourite character: Crossing the Bar for Elisabet. It’s such a melancholy song that captures that moment where she left GAIA Prime so perfectly… I can’t listen to it without thinking about her, asking her friends not to say goodbye and to take care of each other. Knowing what was coming. Gives me the sads, man.

tagging: I feel that since I stole it, I should just tell you to steal it too.

[mejomonster]

Some good new (ish) thai dramas to check out (if u follow me and aren't watching thai dramas:

Wandee Goodday: do you like fwb to lovers? Fake dating? Very sweet people liking each other For who they are, but also not quite realizing they should do something about it? Its very warm feeling/comforting. Its in the middle of airing, you can find it on youtube.

We Are The Series: all i know for sure is art kid friends in college, to be fair i havent started it yet. BUT it has two of my favorite actors, who did amazing in Never Let Me Go (which finished! U can go watch it! Did u ever want gay Batman and the bodyguard who falls for him, against the gangster who killed his father? Its great!). So im going to watch, because it seems like mostly fluffy but genuine slice of life friendship group story, with some romance, and so if My School President was your thing then im maybe this will fit a similar niche.

My Stand In: i havent seen it yet, looks like Angst City. Great actors, sexy, looks heartbreaking.

Homeschool: not a BL, like the others above this list. But if you liked The Gifted or Blacklist, this is a school full of students who are likely being psychologically abused, delving into their trauma and family backgrounds, and having to team up on some level to get through it. Absolutely full of good actors.

Not new thai dramas, but always worth checking out:

3 Will Be Free: polyamory, running from a gang, murders, bi lighting, 3 strangers connecting and growing to love each other, a compelling narrative for the assassins chasing them too, and a satisfying ending. One of my favorite shows period. And very short and sweet. Definitely dark though, lots of people die, so if action thriller is your thing you'll have a good time. But its not a show for those seeking only fluff.

Not Me the Series: political vigilantes? Queer friends? Secret identities, pretending to be a twin? Enemies to lovers? Mystery? Action? Rich businessmen and capitalism as the villains? Writing that makes you think about real shit? Also very fluffy in moments, sexy, and just very well developed individual characters that get to grow together? One of my favorite shows. Probably my favorite role ever by Off.

GAP the Series: a GL, by Idol Factory (who's shows you may wish to look into). What it is: office romance, folding in every trope they could fit into their episodes, giving GL what it deserves: all of it. The lead actresses do amazing, and the story itself does have strong individual character arcs so it doesnt feel like tropes are what hold it up, the character arcs are ultimately what drive it. Its a great GL, im glad it got made, and it helped kick off more GLs being made. The lead actresses will later be in upcoming shows: The Loyal Pin (a historical gl romance that looks amazing) and Uranus 2324 (which im SO HYPE ABOUT okay so i NEED more bl and gl with space/sci fi elements! I need it! Its so RARE to get any space/sci fi type show, and then padticularly one with queer leads, and im so over the moon this was a concept that actually was picked).

The Gifted, The Gifted Graduation (sequel): not bl or gl. Really fucking good. I cant tell you how good. You just have to watch. If you like xmen, mutants, misfits, heroes, then this show will be wish fulfillment just go watch it! If you like shows confronting the structure of society, the new generations and the old, go watch it. It has a lot to say, it does a ton of stuff cool, and for mystery/sci fi/political thriller lovers its nonstop. Its also a coming of age story for the teens in The Gifted highschool, along with all the perks mutations in stories get used to highlight non-powered identity traits and life problems these characters go through. I love Tay Tawans acting and hes incredible in the gifted graduation. Nanon is a solid lead and shows off why he gets those roles. Gun shows off how phenomenal he fucking acts when he can go deeper than fluff shows, all of them do. Every actor is doing a phenomenal job, the lighting is acing it, the writing is drawing you in, the whole experience is solid. I love the story.

[xenon-demon]

💝: fave trope w/ rec

This isn’t from the list, just offering it up to give you the chance to talk about it if you’d like—no pressure!

HHHHHHHH IM VIBRATING EXCITEDLY THIS IS SUCH A CUTE IDEA, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!

ok. so. It’s very hard to pick an ULTIMATE fave trope buuuuut a very strong contender for the title is time travel fics. More specifically, time LOOP fics. (What can I say, Doctor Who had some significant effects on my preteen brain chemistry.) I love a good time loop fic because it lets you hit a lot of my favourite things all in one: timey wimey nonsense, getting to Fix whatever canon bullshit you need to, having all these little character moments where you can explore different dynamics and do character studies - especially if people other than the looping character start to change/remember things as the loops go on??? MAN. I EAT THAT SHIT UP. Also the potential for calling back to previous events or repeating an event with a subtle twist to it each time, it’s suuuuuuch good shit. I also find stories about the importance of trying - even when it’s difficult, even when you don’t want to anymore, even when it may not actually change anything - really resonate with me. Which is major time loop vibes, yknow? I am a certified Time Loop Enjoyer™.

I know there’s a lot of good time loop fics out there in the ST fandom (especially steddie fandom), which, duh, Steve and Eddie and the events of season 4 are practically BUILT for a time loop. Because of that (and because the fic I really wanna rec for this trope is A Lot and Not For Everyone), I’m going to rec TWO time loop fics for you.

1: echo by CaptainHoney (~30k words, rated E)

Warning - READ THE GODDAMN TAGS. CHECK THE ARCHIVE WARNINGS. I AM NOT KIDDING. This fic starts out going full tilt balls-to-the-walls and it does not stop once. It’s emotionally intense (lots of angst), the events of the fic are intense, it’s a heavier take on time loops than a lot of other fics in this fandom, and you Will feel like you’ve been put through an emotional blender by the end. But there is a happy ending (I’m a sucker for happy endings, I can’t read anything more than ~5k without one), and like I mentioned above this is a story about Trying. Trying even when it’s hard, even when you don’t want to anymore, is such a powerful story theme for me and I really like the way it’s explored in echo. Plus, it’s a love story of course, and a damn fucking good one - both the love between Eddie & Steve, and the love their whole extended found family have for each other.

ALSO. I’m a feral creature for fun narrative choices and echo is told both non-linearly AND from multiple POVs (don’t let that scare you, it’s always really clear who and when we’re dealing with. You’ll see if you read the fic). It’s absolutely fucking delicious. I don’t see this fic talked about much (literally ever, actually) and I think that’s a SHAME. That being said, I do recognise this fic is Very intense and not for everyone, which is perfectly fine! Take care of yourselves, and don’t read something that you’re worried might put you in a bad spot mentally just because I’m hyping it up here. 💙

2: you are young and life is long (and there is time to kill today) by heartofwinterfell (~70k, rated M)

This is a fun one. This is technically a series, with the first fic being ~18k from Eddie’s POV as he goes through the loops, and the second is ~52k from Steve’s POV as he lives in the time loop without knowing it’s a time loop. Yeah. I really love that perspective, you don’t often see a time loop fic from the perspective of the other character, and it’s done really well here. PLUS the second chapter of Steve’s fic goes into time loop aftermath and recovery, which is one of my favourite things to explore that often doesn’t get addressed in great detail.

Thanks so much for the ask, anon, I really loved getting the chance to ramble a bit 💙

Ask me for a fic rec!

[autisticempathydaemon]

hey hey! idk if this is where I submit for the match up! but I would love to see who you think I'd fit in with! I'm a creative soul who tends to try to develop deep friendships with people above everything. I have a bit of a savior complex as well lol I work hard and play harder, trying to find new adventures to go on with those i care about. I tend to support others before supporting myself, and while im happy to let others open up to me its hard for me to open up in return. the best way i can feel close to someone is deep conversations and being creative with them!

My current fav song has been Maybe IDK by John Bellion, specifically the lyric "i guess if i knew tomorrow i guess i wouldnt need faith"  just the idea of living today to the best you can just because you don't know what will happen tomorrow. the worries of the future should keep you down today

My current fav Redacted audio has to be the Helping your Werewolf bf shift again. Specifically the acting is just so good to me. Erik did an amazing job of portraying Milo's anguish and pain at not being able to shift. Plus the relieved sobs at the end is so satisfying and emotional. 

The one boy i cant get the hype around is Ivan. like sure the yandere thing is somewhat attractive to some, but i just don't like the idea of an actual psychopath being obsessed with me.

my favorite movie is definitely the Secret Life of Walter Mitty by Ben Stiller. its less of a quotable movie and more of i remember every scene very distinctly. its a movie that envelops my own escapism. its beautifully shot, wonderfully acted, and a wholesome story on a rainy day.

my platonic redacted crush has to be Damien. he seems like a blast to interact with and tease. he's a hard worker and is tied close to his goals which i can admire. i would love to body double with him if i had some tasks to get done

space is also 100% my ramble subject when im sleepy, that and greek mythology

My guilty pleasure media is currently the animated shows Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Lego Monkie Kid. despite being kids shows, both of these are beautifully animated and shockingly well written!

I hope that gives you an idea of me! I look forward to who you think i match with!

Hmm, lots of good tidbits of information to consider. You strike me as really thoughtful, really caring, and I think Lasko could really benefit from a partner like that.

A savior complex, from what I understand, is just wanting to help people and make their lives better, and Lasko’s a guidance counselor, so y’all would have that in common. What’s good about pairing two people like that is y’all could keep each other in line, so to speak. Something that’s important when you’re always looking out for other people is to make sure someone is always looking out for you and vice versa. You and Lasko together would always make sure you’re taking care of others, each other, and yourselves.

Another reason I like the two of you together is that you like being creative with one another as a bonding activity. You know what’s the ultimate way to be creative together? Tabletop role playing games! If you don’t already play, Lasko would be so excited to help you with a character sheet, to help you craft a backstory, paint some mini figurines, go out and buy the perfect game dice and notebooks- the greatest combination of nerdy and cute in a couple.

Song:

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go/ Will you won't you, be the one I always know?/ When I'm losing my control, the city spins around/ You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

One, the whole vibe of “you slow me down, I’ll look after you, we’re here for each other” vibes are exactly what I’m picturing for y’all. Also, Lasko and I are around the same age, and I heard this song a lot growing up. I have some weird, like, emotional resonance with it from childhood, and I think Lasko does too. Like, it makes him nostalgic and longing; maybe he always wanted someone to look after and to look after him, and now he’s finally found that in you.

Runner-Ups:

A very reasonable runner-up for you would be Camelopardalis because he would do a great job making sure you balance work and your personal life and that you don’t put others before yourself too much. A more fun runner-up would be Guy because I love sticking that beautiful Creative Writing major with other beautiful, creative people!

note: thank you for waiting, dear, and I hope you like your match-up! 💕

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[jikookpancakes]

JIKOOK FIC RECS that no one asked for (2021)

but im giving anyway because THE TALENT IN THIS FANDOM IS INSANE

long post incoming!! this is probably just part 1 because i wont stop reading anytime soon so i’m inserting that link just in case i do make another one in the future

What’s a Soul Really Worth, Anyway? by thisneedsmorefilth - 130k words, fantasy, demon!jm, witch!jk, listen, this and the next one are my top 2 jikook fics of all time, so well-written, plot so exciting legit reads like a book, better than a lot of books tbh, the world-building is INSANE, jungkook and the gang accidentally summon demon!jimin and chaos ensue, especially for jungkook...and you know why!!!, so funny, angsty, cried so much, happy ending but listen to me: you gotta read the sequel too, YOU GOTTA.

Militat Omnis Amans: The Beginnings by edaen - 92k words, fantasy, werewolf!jk, vampire!jm, forbidden love, super slow burn but super worth it, JIKOOK IN THIS IS MY FAVORITE JIKOOK IN ANY FIC EVER EVER EVER, this is the ultimate all or nothing will freeze hell over for the other kind of love, and the way this is written is just so... how do i describe it. like you can just tell the author wanted to be very realistic with their feelings. you’ve seen the word count, this is SLOW burn. like you will legit feel their struggle to just be able to love each other and while it hurts, it’s also SO GLORIOUS. i love this one so much and if you like reading angst with happy ending but like cranked up to 200% then read this. bonus feels if you read the whole series

Until Dawn (series) by edaen - this is the long series where the previous one above is part of. highly rec if you love fantasy and you wanna read about bts being a rag tag group of supernatural beings fighting evil yay. also it makes the above fic more satisfying because you see more of jikook just being tgt and in love (with bonus angst because of course)

7 Signs by NamHyora - 27k words, secret spies au, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm who is always used as a raven in their operations aka they use jimin and his attractive self to attract people and gather information or acquire targets and all that spy stuff, and his bestie alpha jk is not too happy about it hehe, friends to lovers, iove this one so much i wish it was longer but i think the author is planning to write a sequel!

Drop Like Confetti by annie_vi - 110k words, ceo!jk, age difference, age swap, ahhh i love this fic so much cause jimin smart and mature and has this no bs attitude, and he can keep up with jk despite the age gap and the difference in status/experiences, jk sexy dilf in this one eheh, i love it cause the drama/angst tackles a very real concern for such couples, like there’s no angst just for the sake of having angst, it really makes sense where they’re both coming from, they’re so whipped for eo too so love that for me

Fold it Up Like Origami by annie_vi - 99k words, gamer!jk, model!jm, same author as above and jk is so boyfriend goals in this one and in all this author’s fics in general like wow my standards are so high now i will legit be single forever just reading jikook fics (with no regrets), secret relationship due to their celeb status, well-written as usual, dialogues/banter in this author’s fics are just YES

The Tournament by kinkmins - 34k words, prince!jm, bodyguard!jk, abo, i’ll paste part of the summary here “Prince Jimin gets ready to hold a tournament where 50 alphas compete for a chance to court him, his father the king hires a new bodyguard who is a little too blunt and a little too talkative.“, i really love this oneeeee

Screwed Up and Brilliant by annie_vi - 113k words, escort!jk, jimin needed a date for a work event and in comes jungkook, escort extraordinaire with a no sex rule and jimin is just dasdkjfhasl, a lot of that “is this real or is he just acting” kinda angst, fluff smut angst

Like Everything Glows by annie_vi - 180k words, merman!jm, aquatic vet!jk, ok this is like my 4th rec from this author just read all their fics you’re welcome, this is their first fantasy fic but soso good, i rec’d this to someone who doesn’t really read fics and she really loved it and said “their love is so pure hhh”, she’s right

Track one: I love you by honeydice - 30k words, they’re “just” best friends, lots of pining it hurts, there’s some yoonmin and mentioned past jinmin in this so just noting in case, angst, denial of feelings, siiiiigh

InYou by edaen - 4k words, pwp :), abo, the morning after jikook mating, more sexytimes ensue + fluff

Falling For You Again by Rose_gold715 - 30k words, amnesia au, jk forgets about jimin and idk just something about this hits right in the feels. btw i don’t support the jk hated jm before in real life agenda so i don’t like this fic for that reason but i like this fic because i love me some good painful angst with happy ending.

The President’s Son by AmeliaBedelia - 55k words, bodyguard!jk, president’s son!jm, jk is assigned to shadow jm bc his life is under threat, and things develop :), jm is jk’s gay awakening :) :)

A Touch of Sin by pettey - 102k words, fantasy au, police officer!jk, supernatural!jm, shamanism, LOOK AT THE RANGE OF JIKOOK WRITERS YALL, this is such an interesting concept, so different from every other fic i’ve read, really well-written, sometimes you come across fics and you cant help but go “someone out there rly blessing me with this art for free”

Tears to the Tide by haromame - 65k words, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm, honestly there’s not a lot of abo elements it’s focused more on jungkook having ptsd as he just came from war, established relationship jikook, he comes back home to jimin and things have just... changed. except their love ok THEY LOVE EO SO MUCH this made me cry so f much ugh so good tho.

Zero Hour by edaen - 5k words, canon compliant, a little drabble based around rosebowl jikook, it’s part of a series/collection of canon compliant jikook so if you’re looking for more canon compliant here you go!!, also if you can’t tell already i tend to like several things from a single author, i haven’t read their other fics im legit saving for sad days but i am confident enough to say their other fics are also rec-worthy.

Wonder by wordcouture - 7k words, im sorry in advance, mcd :( pls take care of yourself, i don’t like sad endings ok i don’t, but this is so popular and i was like, ok let’s see what the hype is all about, i get it now, :((((((((((((((((((((, well-written tho, bc the author will manage to crush your heart in just 7k words ha ha

The Omega Revolution by PinkBTS  - 158k words, abo, alpha!jk omega!jm, dystopian au, the hunger games more specifically mockingjay vibes, angst with happy ending but there’s some...things... lost along the way and i think that’s realistic for a dystopian war au, well-written

Blind Switch - 226k words, jockey!jk, rich spoiled brat!jm, jm gets exiled to his grandparents ranch where he meets jk yeehaw, im sorry for the yeehaw, anyway fluff smut angst enemies friends to lovers hurt/comfort slow burn happy ending, all the good stuff, ugh jk so boyfriend goals, also the amount of fluff in the later chapters thank u writer

Finally by Rose_gold715 - 12k words, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm, angst with happy ending, jikook mate out of convenience and jimin runs away from jk and his pack feeling unloved and outcasted, but jungkook goes after him :((

Park Jimin’s Guide to Good Housekeeping by Ashlyn17 - 235k words, fantasy au, when i say jikook has the best fic writers i mean jikook has the best fic writers because THE WORLD-BUILDING in this one?, THE PLOT TWIST?, yesyesyes, jungkook is a powerful fae and jimin is assigned to be his housekeeper hehe, listen my entire fic rec has several that could be great netflix shows and this is definitely one of them

A Spell That Reminds Me of Your Name by Chimneycricket - 42k words, wizards!au, enemies to friends to lovers and the development felt natural, well-written plus the author sometimes makes art of their fics and other jikook fics and posts on twitter, both their fics and art are so good, i’ve heard good stuff about their other fics too :)

that’s it for now!

just a quick one about my preferences: idc about tops/bottoms, i read just about anything but i prefer fantasy and multi-chaptered fics, i love established relationship jikook so hmu with recs anytime, i don’t like reading anything with cheating and mcd, i love fics where jk and jm are just so friggin in love they are just IT for eo, and at the end of the day even if there are elements to the fics i wouldn’t normally read, as long as they’re well-written then i’m all for it

[peekbackstage]

The following is a summary of a conversation that occurred on Clubhouse a few weeks ago with a Chinese film/tv director (hereafter referred to as "CD".) We were in a room that was discussing the challenges the LGBTQ community faces in China. During the course of the discussion, one of the speakers mentioned The Untamed as an flawed example of Chinese queer representation, which ultimately led to a larger conversation on LGBTQ in the Chinese entertainment industry, as well as LGBTQ CPs.

To begin, I'll start by summarizing the discussion on The Untamed, as that was more or less what kicked off everything. One of the speakers asked the rest of the speakers on stage if anyone else had watched The Untamed, and expressed that they felt a little uncomfortable with the hype around the show, as they said that it failed to truly represent the contents of MDZS due to the fact that the Wangxian relationship was marketed as a "socialist brotherhood." Largely, this speaker believed that the director and the cast were trying to erase the queerness of the source material as they had not seen the BTS videos.

CD explained to the speaker that the only way they were able to actually get the show aired was by marketing it as a socialist brotherhood. It was then explained to the original speaker that The Untamed actually shot Wangxian with full respect to the source material. They were told about the BTS that showed how the directors and the cast often discussed Wangxian as a romantic relationship and not as a socialist brotherhood. This appeased the speaker and made them feel much better when it was also pointed out the whole fact that the production team left in the line about Lan Wangji being Wei Wuxian's zhi ji. CD mentioned that the whole rumor about socialist brotherhood being potentially considered for censorship is not just a rumor. This is actually something that is being discussed, which filmmakers are concerned about given the projects in the pipeline.

As a result of the conversation shifting to entertainment, CD then explained the following things:

There are actually quite a number of LGBTQ actors who are actively working in the Chinese entertainment industry, some of whom are actually quite well known. The industry is aware of who they are because while these actors will hide their sexuality from the public, they do not always hide it to the people who they work with. So essentially, these are the sort of things that everyone knows about but doesn’t share with the general public. CD stated that he would not answer any questions outing any actors, though stated he has worked with a number of gay closeted actors.

CD himself had a boyfriend while he was working as a director and was out to his colleagues. People in entertainment treated him with respect despite knowing his sexuality. He stated, “Even if they can’t accept my sexuality, they can still accept me as a person.” 

He also stated that when people in the industry work with gay actors, they may know that the actor is gay and is generally fine with it so long as the actor does not come out to the public. 

When asked specifically about LGBTQ CPs, such as the Guardian or Addicted CP, CD informed us that in the case of LGBTQ CPs, management companies are often “warned” about the popularity of the CP. (He did not clarify exactly when they would be warned, but most likely it would be after a show’s promotional period ends.) He also stated that companies are usually told to break such CPs because of their popularity. He did not go into further detail beyond that, but did state that the parties in a CP won’t be allowed to have as many activities or do things together in the future.

Other takeaways from the conversation included the fact that while some of the Chinese men on stage were out to their parents, largely it was a don’t-ask-don’t-tell arrangement. Overwhelmingly, their parents did not seem to be very supportive of their sexualities, which is why most of the men on stage were closeted. Some of them even stated that they felt they would one day be forced to marry a woman because of promises made to their family.

As a whole, the speakers felt that the generation born after 95 is much more accepting of the LGBTQ community as a whole, so there seems to be a lot of belief in GenZ.

On the topic of gay marriage, the speakers stated that generally, gay couples don’t have ceremonies or get married because they can’t actually get married, but in some places there are certain rights that LGBTQ couples can now enjoy. But, overwhelmingly, gay marriage ceremonies are not something that really happen in China. 

A note regarding bisexuality in Asia, as there were a number of speakers who spoke Chinese who were located in various parts of Asia:

Bisexual members of the LGBTQ community on stage felt like they had very little support from the Asian gay communities in particular, because of rampant biphobia often ends up with members of the gay community who try to invalidate their bisexuality. Many of the speakers expressed how their gay friends often would suggest that because they’ve slept with a member of the same sex, then they must be gay, and try to dissuade them from being bisexual. One bisexual woman stated that she was in the closet to her lesbian friends about her bisexuality because she feared that she would be ostracized and that she would lose her friends. (Apparently, biphobia is a really huge problem in Asia as a whole.) She also stated she had no friends with whom she could be out to, which was really sad. 

In general, the conversation was multifaceted and very personal in many ways, with many members of the LGBTQ community speaking about their personal experiences and the challenges they experienced.

I shared this summary of this Clubhouse conversation as I felt it would be informative. There were about 100 people in the room, so I don’t think sharing this conversation is somehow a breach of privacy. 

For those of you who read the above and have questions about a specific CP or BJYX in particular, please do not send them to me. I will not answer any questions about specific CPs or extremely specific asks that may identify a CP. 

[ringmyheart]

Can I request Vin Jin boyfriend headcanons and some fluff? (You don't have to force yourself)

(This and the other vin jin rq were merged!)

Honestly the way I see it, it doesn’t matter if you’re a very calm person or outgoing person. No matter what this relationship is gonna end up being considerably chaotic

He ropes you into everything he does. Doesn’t matter if u r a design student or an architecture student or if ur on the opposite side of the school from him, u r practically in his class. Dating him is like signing a contract sealing away ur own life bc he makes it a point to be ALWAYS w u

In class he doesn’t gaf if the teacher has ur seat on the other end of class, he is somehow finding a way to sit next to u against ur will or not. And when the teacher moves u two away from eachother INTENTIONALLY bc of this, he is threatening whoever happened to sit next to u to trade seats w him. He will go as far as to dress up as them to make it look like they’re them to be next to u and he’s so dramatic ab it.... being away from u felt like u were star crossed lovers whom the world was fiercely against

And if UR against this cuz ur tired of getting in trouble in class, or if you reject any of his advances, he’s gonna be really, really, really offended. He will at first sputter and be kinda shy and embarrassed about it, before he goes “fine! Have fun on your own without me, the greatest thing in your fucking life!”

He move seats back and will glare at you periodically every five minutes to pavlov dog you so that every five minutes every day, even when he’s not there, you feel the burning stare of vin jin

If you’re his s/o, he’ll buy you a matching pair of sunglasses so ur the freshest looking couple around Seoul (they’re hideous and thick but he thinks u look fly)

The glasses don’t have nearly as many layers as his does for himself so u can see, and u wonder how he managed to make them just as bulky and if he did it on purpose to sabotage u. Like “did u make my glasses purposefully ugly so no one else will want me?”

U have to dodge a punch after saying anything like that ab his fashion decisions LMAOAO

He’s rlly proud of u two matching. With the glasses and anything in general. He’ll make you wear a jacket matching his, or the same shoes and he will stop people in the hall and be like “wait. Notice anything cool ab us today?? Cooler than normal??”

And when they don’t respond he boasts “that’s right!! Me and my other half r matching. Look at us and weep, losers.” He thinks u two look so good....... if ur enthusiastic ab wearing matching things too he is elated u have to pray that tomorrow he won’t show up w another “if lost return to Vin Jin” “I’m Vin Jin” pair of jackets or anything of the like bc it happens SO OFTEN

And on the topic of sharing when it’s cold he likes to share jackets and blankets w u. Ur desks r moved by eachother by vin jin himself and u two share one blanket over u and shiver bc he just likes it, sharing w u plus he’s slightly warmer. And yes if you guys had indivizual blankets you would be warmer, but u guys have to struggle together he doesn’t care what anyone says (yes even ur protests ur sharing that one blanket wether he has to wrap it around u himself and tear up the one u brought on ur own or what”

He is so blind in love that he cannot tell when u guys suck at stuff. Like if ur in the wrong he doesnt care ur RIGHT and he’s taking that to the grave. He can belittle u and call u out but if someone else says ur in the wrong it’s on sight

Will die protecting ur name even when ur the one who was genuinely wrong

He forces u to make a beat for him to rap to. He loves rapping and wants to enjoy it w u, so ur forcefed YouTube videos of how to beatbox so u can be his bgm and eventually u probably just start to enjoy it to

And u always start a beat and he starts busting out rhymes and it’s SO BAD. It doesn’t matter if ur good at beatboxing if vin Jin is on the track w u it’s gonna sound terrible he brings the quality down immensely but u two just cannot tell

Like after a two session ur like “omg... that was so good. We should go pro?” “Fuck yea we should we’re better than those posers” “we could rlly make it in the industry fr” no u absolutely could not

During the school festival, u sang with him and it was SO bad. Half the crowd is gonna have 2 be hospitalized but u two had FUN up on the stage

Like I said, he has absolute faith in u. All u do is right. If ur driving a car for the first time, he is going to be ur little hype man doesn’t matter if u suck. U hit a curb and he went “YES babe!! Ur killing it cant wait till u hit the road bby” Ur not allowed to touch a car for the next two years now bc he kept cheering u on when u we’re doing CLEARLY wrong things

On a plane u r looking for the bathroom like pensively and u see a handle and look back and r like “is this it???” And vin jin thinking u r all righteous will go “yea babe go for it” and u open it and u depressurizate the cabin immediately

Now both on like 5 no fly lists

He loves to do things with u, like I mentioned earlier, and things he wouldn’t do alone he’ll do w u. Like drawing alone?? Boring. Drawing w Y/N??!!! Who knows what could happen..... so much fun could ensue. Maybe he will draw u cutely. Maybe he will draw u so ugly u will be forced to engage in a fight.

He likes to play just dance w u and compete for the “greats/all star!” Little titles above, and it becomes like a Friday night ritual for u two to turn just dance on and just go at it. But sometimes he’ll get too intense and suddenly he’s actually fighting for the chance to beat u. Will trip u so u lose on purpose

He makes u listen to him sing and rap to u. And u try to leave and he hugs tightly and is like LISTEN IFS FOR U, DONT BE UNGRATEFUL and now u have to listen

He makes u a mixtape of songs he made himself and they are all considerably worse than “remember the times we had”. It’s uploaded on SoundCloud and all the comments r hate and u listen to it a lot bc u know he loves u sm he made u a mixtape ya ur gonna play that but everyone else hates it w a passion

Like the comments r like:

Daniel: well.... it’s definitely a song 😅 I’m glad you love (y/n) so much!

Duke: he’s not making it out the hood 😐

Zach: never let this man in a studio AGAIN

Mary: this should’ve stayed in the CD

(Y/N): love it! 😍

Zoe: kill your producer 💀

Mira: ...

He’s overprotective too

If someone looks at u for more than a second he’ll go “what?? U think she is hot, huh? I’ll kick ur ass fucking perv.... cmon babe let’s go”

Will throw his arm around u and streer u the opposite way of any potentially good looking ppl to keep ur eyes on him

Oh Daniel is coming?? What a coincidence u and vin Jin suddenly have to turn the corner to the other way of ur classroom for some reason

Eli is near?!!! Oh no u just got milk spilt in ur eye!! Oh no now he has to wipe ur eyes and u two have to leave the cafeteria whatever will he do

It’s not that he doesn’t have faith in u, he doesn’t have faith in other men. Like he thinks they r all competition, and doesn’t doubt ur loyalty rather doubts how good he can b for u

WILL beat someone up for u. If someone smokes while ur around suddenly his fists r swinging at them cuz even if u smoke or vape urself no one else can get that stuff in ur lungs but YOU or HIM!!

If ur crossing the street and a car almost hits u, it’s the cars fault and he’s kicking the license plate and cursing it out for almost touching u “stupid fucking piece of metal”

Is the type of boyfriend to call u when he knows ur in an Uber and be like “babe u got ur gun w u right?? Oh don’t forget ur BOMB and ur MACHETE!! Yeah just left the house I killed some ppl nbd haha anyways HRU what’s ur Uber driver like” so the driver of ur car won’t even think ab kidnapping u. He has got ur back even when u do not want it

He doesn’t want u to see his eyes, so he’ll tell you to look away so he can take his glasses off and look at u in full color in all ur glory but he never tells u WHY he’s telling u to look away u think it’s a weird thing of his, or he’s insecure ab his face which is partially true but really he’s taking his glasses off and just looking at u. Adoringly.....

He hates PDA. He loves PDA. Do u see his dilemma

Like he loves PDA but doesn’t want anyone seeing him vulnerable even u.... so he’ll hold ur hand and be like “EWWW WHAT R U DOING GET YR HAND OFF MINE”

If u take the lead THATS best bc he can blame it on u and it’s ur fault he HAS to lock fingers w u cuz u did it to him first and he has an excuse to touch u and v like u started this im just sending u ur own energy back 😤

The type to be just like blind, overwhelmed in love. Always thinks ab u, always wants to be w u, worries ab u a lot and frets over u without showing it.... he hates it and loves it to death. Despises it but wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world

Eats lunch w u in the cafeteria and if u sit w someone else u r the ultimate traitor and he will trash talk u to hide his hurt to Mary the entire lunchtime. Kinda possessive.... wants u to also only think about him

WOULDNT EVER fight u for real. Play fights occur VERY often, like pillow fights, tripping ur foot when u say a joke insulting him, grabbing ur collar but he would sooner die than lay a finger on u

Verbal fights happen a lot and if he ever like LOSES it he may lash out and almost hit u and follow thru. I don’t think he’d be able to catch himself that quickly, and if he ever did he’d regret it for the rest of his life. Literally until the day dies he will take it to his grave

He may not sputter out apologieswill just look at u incredulously and then at his hands because what had he done? What did he just do? To you???????? (Y/n))))?????? His (y/n)??? Light of his life?

Will apologize probably over text or through a note or call, and if u don’t respond he is consumed by regret and tries to find u instantly like runs back to ur place

If u forgive him he feels bad still, because does he deserve it? And he might just isolate himself for a bit bc he can’t face u and if it left a scar he is dead inside. It kills him, literally

I could go on w this but I’ll probably save it for another separate pair of hcs later 😭

If u guys ever break up he will fight for u again and won’t stop till ur back together like flowers in ur locker every day, chocolate give during lunch, etc. He wont ever give up hope that he can win u over again and be w u again. He would keep trying, when he wakes up his first thought is ur name in a cold panic bc he can’t rest easy till ur his again and he will try and show off and poorly serenade u and trash his price and be corny and cheesy to get u back

Will set up a performance w the school to let him rap w a mic during lunch for u and he’s saying bars like “(read in bad rapping voice w inconsistent beat) (y/n), love of my life, uh, without you I’d die, uh. Please won’t you take me back? Yuh, without you ima have a heart attack. (Wha!). (Y/n), love of my life, yeah, without you I’m in strife, yup! Please be mine again, (babe), I can never rest till then.”

If the embarrassment doesn’t make u take him back so he’ll pls stop, and when he stands up on the lunch tables to do a little performance doesn’t do it either, then the odd sincerity of his voice and pain in his look (even tho while rapping he sticks out his lower lip in a weird pout) definitely, hopefully will

U make everything worth it !! Truly the light of his life

I hope these were what u wanted, I just had fun w them and wrote stuff that came off the top of my head when I thought of VJ!! ❤️

[yukiakaren]

Kpop title track ranking: INFINITE

In this series I’ll be ranking kpop groups/soloists title tracks based on my taste.

So, YouTube led me to Infinite after a while and I decided why not bring one of my older ultimate groups to the front line! I absolutely love Infinite to bits even today after them not being active in years already. Their music just is so so good and they were such a hilarious bunch together. I’m always happy to get my Infinite crumbs on Instagram when the guys post some pictures of them supporting each others works and stuff. But okay let’s stop this loving ramble and get on to the listing!

Note: Infinite’s singles are confusing, so I’ll just count them as title tracks as they seem to have been promoting them.

Destiny - Destiny, my ultimate love. I don’t remember this for sure but I think this was the first Infinite song I heard and probably also the first one I started liking. And it just hasn’t ever stopped being captivating to me. The attitude in it is just something I can’t find in anywhere else. I just love Destiny and it just has to be the one I call my number 1.

Back - Was I blessed to have this as my first Infinite comeback after starting to love them? Oh boy I was. Is it even legal for a song to be this good? Pulling all my heartstrings with no mercy. Just so incredible song.

Paradise - Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. I just love Paradise. All of it. Lyrics. Instrumentals. Vocals. Raps. Choreography (and this is a lot coming from someone who doesn’t really retain much memories of dances). Just all of it.

Last Romeo - Another one of my absolute loves. Probably has something to do with the MV having Woohyun as the main lead for the acting. But that aside, the song is just incredible and it just sounds great even now that years have gone by.  

Bad - This was such a different style for them. But I was and still am all up for it. One thing: I rarely have specific parts or lines in songs that I like above all else but in this song there are two! This L’s part and in some of the live versions this Woohyun’s ad-lib he did continuing the note, it just so so good. Also I absolutely love them, mostly Woohyun, singing that “Bad bad bet a bad bad girl” part in some end of the year performances. 

The Chaser - I feel like a lot of people would put this as their favorite Infinite song. And I mean I can’t blame them for that. It is just so catchy and so flawlessly good. I had such a blast listening to it for this list now and it did go a bit higher than if I had done the list without listening to the songs first. And I had to put this version of the MV here because I want to mention how much I love the intro Infinitize, it’s just sooooo good!

The Eye - What can I say, just a gorgeous song. It’s just bittersweet that this ended up being the last OT7 song. Also, for some reason I ended up absolutely adoring the Japanese version of this song as well. Not anything new with Infinite in general as I’ve liked multiple of their older b-sides in both languages but it being a newer title track I was a little surprised.

Be Mine - I’m so glad that Be Mine exists. Without it Infinite would have been way shorter lived group than the Infinite we now know. And it is soooo catchy! Kpop classic for a reason!

Come Back Again - What a debut! This song is from 2010 and I’m still get so hyped when I hear it. It hasn’t aged terribly like undoubtedly some other song from that era (or I’m just incredibly biased here and I can’t see through it at all xD). 

Man In Love - The MV though! I love it, it’s so adorable! And surely this is my favorite of the cutesy songs.

BTD - The album this one is in was my first Infinite album that I got, so it gives it a little extra boost I have to admit but I try to stay somehow logical with this xD It still is a really cool song. And the scorpion dance still today is cool to me xD

Tell Me -  Bittersweet part 2 here, being the first song with six of them. It’s great like one would expect from Infinite but it has gotten less listens with me than the ones above, so I feel like the placement is quite fair.

Clock - And the last Infinite title track, hopefully only for now and some day there being a new song coming our way (this little Inspirit can hope, right?). The song missing Sunggyu’s voice is obviously a downside to it but then again on the positive side I feel like Sungyeol and Sungjong got more time to shine than before so that’s great.

Nothing’s Over - Okay the trend is clear: the cutesy Infinite is definitely going to be keeping the bottom end of this list. For me the cutesy stuff is more for watching the MV’s than actively listening to the songs xD Nothing wrong with Nothing’s Over either and if I’d be in the mood for it, sure, but I’m more rarely in the mood for this, I guess.

She’s Back - Well just compared to all of the other songs in this list this falls a bit short for me. It’s cute and I have listened to this one quite a bit too throughout the years but it has never been my top favorites from them. But that’s just me. If you are feeling like listening to something cute, give it a listen!

No kidding I love Infinite’s discography so so much (and not just the title tracks). Putting these songs in any order is just ridiculously hard and just plain stupid. They are all great and they all have aged well, so if you haven’t please do check their songs out! On that note, I would like to add a couple of recommendations for their Japanese songs and b-sides. Of the original Japanese songs DNA is so cool and Just Another Lonely Night is one of my favorite songs from Infinite overall! Of the Korean b-sides, I would like to mention 1/3 (and check also the concert version of this, it’s so fun!), rock-style song I Hate and Moonlight, which also happens to have one of those rare specific favorite parts for me, being Sungyeol’s chorus part.

[jonsa101]

Helen Sharpe: A Deep Dive Into Her Wants and Needs What it Means For Sharpwin in Season 3

I feel like in more ways than one this week’s episode revealed so much about where Helen is at mentally after the worse of the pandemic but also solidifies where Sharpwin is heading this season. We finally got a first look at Helen and Cassian’s relationship and also learned a little bit more about her family. I’m so glad they incorporated Freema’s Iranian heritage in the show and I can’t wait until we get an introduction to her Ghanian side as well. Helen having a Ghanian mom is literally chef’s kiss and as a fellow Nigerian, I know west african mama’s don’t play so I hope we get to see her on screen. As for Cassian and Helen I loved the fact that he was able to truly support her in her time of need but the chemistry is severely lacking for me. I usually don’t mind seeing HeIen with someone else because it’s usually fun and entertaining and I obviously know who her endgame is. Panthaki and Helen where hot and fun to watch. I just feel like the showrunners hyped Cassian up to be this edgy, “bad boy,” arrogant type who’s supposed to give Max a run for his money but I’m not seeing that at all! The chemistry is just flat y’all. It’s just not giving what they said it was supposed to give... 

Anyway, despite the lack of chemistry, Cassian is playing a role that we honestly haven’t seen from Max yet. He’s truly being there for her and doing his part to support her in her time of need. In Max and Helen’s relationship it has always been the other way around with Helen supporting him. He has never truly stepped up to meet or even think about her needs. Not really anyway. Furthermore, in the midst of her vulnerability, Helen revealed that she feels like “she keeps running out of time.” These two aspects of this episode are so important because it tells me two things.

1. Helen is clearly at a breaking point and desperately wants to make her relationship work with Cassian because she feels like she’s “running out of time” in every area of her life.

2. Max has too and unequivocally will meet Helen’s needs in more ways than one this season.

From everything we know so far about Helen this is how I would summarize her. Helen is a beautiful and incredibly talented doctor who cares deeply about her patients and wants to be respected for more than just being a “celebrity doctor.” She was previously engaged and lost her finance suddenly to a brain aneurysm. She desperately wants a child and is considered “geriatric” because she’s over the age of 35 and in the midst of her fertility journey she realizes that she doesn’t want to raise a child on her own. Ultimately she actually wants love and a family. Being vulnerable has never come easy to her in any of her relationships, romantic or otherwise and there are so many things about her life that we still don’t know yet. 

So based off what we know, when Helen says she feels like “she keeps running out of time” there’s depth to that statement and we have to assume that when she said that she was referring to EVERY aspect of her life. In a sense she ran out of time with her fiancé Mohammad when he passed unexpectedly and though she isn’t “old” Helen no doubt also feels like she’s running out of time to have a baby and a family of her own. These are two things that Helen wants more than anything else in the world and the fact that it hasn’t happened yet is clearly getting to her. Professionally, I feel like Helen is at a place in her life where she’s content and is learning how to balance putting her patients first while also upholding her press commitments. In her personal life it’s a whole different story and I definitely think Helen is spiraling. The ripple of effects of the pandemic are definitely still affecting her and in a sense Cassian is more like a means to an end to help her feel like her personal life is “on track.” Even Helen herself said that “I don’t want to make excuses anymore about you” to Cassian which clearly indicates that she has her doubts about him and the relationship  but she’s going to jump in anyway because she doesn’t want to waste/run out of time!

I know a lot of people think that Sharpwin probably won’t come into fruition until season 4 or season 5 but I could not disagree more. To me, Helen’s fear of things running out of time in her life and or feeling like she’s had missed windows of opportunities is the BIGGEST INDICATOR that Sharpwin is about to come to fruition RAPIDLY! The writing is on the wall! She is not trying to wait for anything or anybody. She’s seen the worst of the pandemic, she knows first hand how life is so fleeting and how quickly things can change and she’s had ample amount of time to reflect on what she wants and needs in her life. She hasn’t truly dealt with her trauma but she is jumping all in for her sanity. 

For Max and Helen, this is a make it or break it season for them where they decide if they want to be together or not. The will they won’t they stage has long passed because it no longer make sense in the storyline for either of them to still be confused about what they want especially after the worst of the pandemic. They clearly have feelings for each other and are in love. It was indicated in season 1 and damn near established in season 2. After a year in a pandemic where they saw thousands of people die a day and so many people have had time to reflect on their lives, for them to come out of that still dragging their feet and being indecisive about who they love and what they want is not a realistic storyline. It could have worked if the pandemic never happened but it did and the pandemic changed everything for everyone. 

So with that said this brings me to Max. Cassian is here for one purpose and that is to ignite Max into action. Helen last season has practically already put her feelings on the line with her declaration of “Everything I’ve done I’ve done for you” and a year later Max hasn’t done shit about it. For the past two seasons she has been his support system and this season he needs to step up and be hers. This is the season where Max needs to go above and beyond for her like she has done for him countless times in the past. Time is clearly of the essence, especially for Helen and he needs to get his shit together quickly. I personally feel like he’s going to supersede her expectations and then some and his actions to me just scream that he’s preparing for a new chapter. He’s already told her he’s trying to build something better for her and Luna, he’s moved out Georgia’s things and at Helen’s encouragement, brought Luna home. The only thing left that he needs is a partner and clearly Helen is his partner!

Also there’s a level of emotional support that we haven’t seen Max give to Helen and I think we saw this play out as well with Georgia. Max has a tendency to be caught up in his own world a lot of the time and sometimes he’s not really present with the people he cares about. I think this season Max is going to become more self aware of that and actually be there for Helen when she needs him the most.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts what I see for Sharpwin this season! Here’s to hoping these things actually come to past. Let me know what you think is in store for Sharpwin in season 3!

[mediaevalmusereads]

Something Like Love. By Beverly Jenkins. New York: Avon, 2005.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? No, but part of a “universe”

Summary: Desperate to escape an arranged marriage, Olivia Sterling flees Chicago and heads west. She dreams of setting up her own seamstress shop in Henry Adams, a small all Black town in Kansas. But her plans are derailed when her train is robbed by Neil July and his notorious band of outlaws.

Neil is enchanted by the headstrong and lovely Olivia. No woman has ever set his blood on fire before, and he suspects no other woman ever will. When they meet again, Olivia is the town's newly elected mayor and Neil is still the wanted outlaw. With bounty hunters on his trail, he would be wise not to linger, yet he can't seem to leave her. Will Neil be able to convince Olivia to ride off into the sunset with him? Or will he finally lay down his guns for love?

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: explicit sexual content, violence, blood, sexism

Overview: Beverly Jenkins has been hyped for me for a while. She’s considered a pioneer in the romance genre, and I was excited to get my hands on one of her books at my local library. While there were definitely a lot of things I enjoyed about Something Like Love, I ultimately didn’t give this book more than 3 stars because Jenkins’s writing didn’t really fit my taste. It might be perfectly fine for a lot of people, but for me, I found the pacing to be a bit too uniform and the style to lean more into telling rather than showing. Still, if you’re looking for feminist romance novels that feature people of color, I would recommend Jenkins’s work.

Writing: As I stated above, Jenkins’s prose in this book didn’t really appeal to my personal tastes. I found that Jenkins told a lot more than she showed, with a lot of statements about how a character was feeling without much immersion into those emotions. I also think a lot of character emotions were mediated, with phrases like “Olivia saw” putting some distance between me and the character. I would have liked to see these unnecessary phrases pared down and the figurative language amped up, when appropriate.

Jenkins also seemed to have a lot of scenes or details that were unnecessary to plot, and much of the plot as it stands plods along at a uniform pace. Because of these things, it was difficult to build suspense and determine which events were important, and I think more could have been done to give the narrative some shape.

And finally, while this may not be a big deal for some readers, there were a few details which completely yanked me out of the story. Things like the hymen/virginity myth (Neil takes Olivia’s virginity by “pushing through” her barrier) as well as “slaughtering a sheep for its wool.” Little things that, while not big deals overall, were just irritating.

Plot: This book primarily follows Olivia Sterling, a 30-year-old spinster, who moves to a small all Black town in Kansas called Henry Adams in order to escape an arranged marriage. On the way, her train is beset by notorious outlaws Neil July and Two Shafts, and though the two rob everyone aboard, Neil lets Olivia go without taking her money. Although she is drawn to Neil, Olivia continues to Henry Adams and establishes herself as a seamstress there. After another chance encounter with Neil July, the two find themselves wanting to spend more and more time together, and Neil starts visiting Olivia at night to avoid getting arrested (and avoid sullying her reputation). Meanwhile, Olivia finds herself going toe to toe with Armstead Malloy, a businessman who wants to purchase her shop and convince her to marry him. When Olivia refuses both propositions, he decides to run for mayor. Seeing that Malloy would be a terrible mayor, Olivia runs for the post herself, which puts pressure on her growing attraction to Neil July (she must uphold her reputation and the law, after all).

There were a lot of things I liked about the main plot of this book. I really liked Olivia’s independence and the fact that she had a plot separate from her romance with Neil. I liked seeing her navigate politics and use her own intelligence to outsmart Armstead Malloy. I also really appreciated that characters talked about things such as race in the late 19th century, feminism and gender expectations, broken promises between the United States government and Indigenous peoples, Indian Boarding Schools, and the link between poverty and crime.

That being said, I do think the uniform pacing made parts of this plot feel unimportant. As I said above, it was difficult to feel any suspense because I had difficulty determining what events were important and which weren’t. Events that feel like they should be significant pass by a bit too quickly because they’re moving at the same pace as the unimportant scenes, and events that are trivial are, in my opinion, a tad overwritten.

Characters: Olivia, our heroine, was perhaps the best part about this book. She not only owns her own business, but shows a lot of initiative by heading out West on her own and running for mayor despite the gender politics of her day. I loved her independence and I loved that she was confident and sure of what she wanted without being “not like other girls.” If I had any complaints, I think I would have liked to see some of her attitudes towards politics change. While it was great to see her get invested in campaigning and doing her job, I got the impression that her main motivation was simply to outsmart Armstead Malloy. Olivia doesn’t decide to run for mayor of her own accord; she’s nominated by a friend, and it seemed to me that most of her focus was on denying Malloy power than improving the lives of Henry Adams citizens. To be fair, this could be a fine motivation up front, but I would have liked to see Olivia evolve a bit more so that she comes to care about more than Malloy. I want to see her really devote her life to the causes she campaigns on.

Neil, our hero, is an unexpected delight in that he’s an outlaw with a complex understanding of crime, race, and government. He’s incredibly self aware of why he does the things he does, and he shows his value by never killing anyone or becoming violent unless absolutely necessary. I really liked that he was a gentleman to Olivia and wasn’t really in need of reforming; however, his insistence on preserving Olivia’s virginity for her husband (despite her consent not to wait for marriage) was a little irritating. I would have liked to see Neil’s story explored more; his character arc gets overshadowed by Olivia’s and as a result, Neil could be a little dull. But the foundation was there, and I would have liked to see Jenkins bring Neil more to life.

Supporting characters were fairly charming. I loved that Olivia had supportive female friends as well as male friends and colleagues who supported women in positions of power and influence. Neil’s family was likewise easy to like, as their fierce loyalty and protectiveness was endearing. Even Armstead Malloy felt like a proper antagonist in that he did things that threatened Olivia’s happiness without resorting to supervillain things like rape threats or violence. Overall, I don’t think there was a character I disliked. At most, I would have liked to see more of these side characters.

Romance: Olivia and Neil’s love story was... ok. There were things I liked: the ease they found in communicating with one another, the way they valued each other, etc. My main reason for being unenthusiastic is that I think the romance was a little too perfect. Olivia was drawn to Neil because he was mysterious, and Neil was drawn to Olivia because she was a “good woman.” All well and good, but I wanted there to be more challenges for the couple to overcome together. For example, we know that Neil and Olivia can’t see each other openly because of Neil’s outlaw status and Olivia’s job as mayor, but it seems like they get around that obstacle fairly easily. I would have liked to see more of a moral or ideological barrier to them being together: maybe Olivia can’t quite see past Neil’s train robbing so she has to learn to understand crime and poverty. Maybe Neil is torn between pursuing Olivia for his own desires and leaving her alone so she can follow her political dreams (there’s some of that, but it doesn’t seem too much of a problem). Just a little something more so that their relationship has to grow and they have to bond over something more significant and substantial.

TL;DR: Something Like Love is a fun romance that takes place in the American West, and a welcome addition to a genre which has historically been dominated by white writers and characters. While the writing style and male protagonist didn’t appeal to me, I think this book will satisfy a lot of romance readers, especially those looking for fiercely independent female protagonists.

[darlingmulti]

Happy Birthday San!

-side note before you begin reading my outpouring of love for San on his birthday-

-While working on this I learned that San tested positive for Covid 19 and now has to quarantine. In the report they said he doesn’t have any symptoms, but I’m still so worried for him and the rest of ATEEZ. I’m sure he will be okay though. Let’s support and encourage him on any platform we can. Get well soon San. We love you 🥺❤️😭-

It’s our Sannie’s birthday today and I just wanted to make a little post talking about how much I love him and how much joy he brings me and also how wonderful and talented he is.

San is one of my ultimate biases and also probably one of my main comforts right now. As cheesy as that sounds whenever I see him performing, or watch him in videos I just feel better.

If Covid wouldn’t have happened I would have gotten to see him and all of ATEEZ in concert last year. And I would have gotten to do high touch with them. But because of the recent pandemic that was unable to happen and is still something I’m hoping for. It’s weird to say but I miss them. I’ve never seen them in person or met them but I miss them 😅😅. But anyways back to the main thing about this post, celebrating this wonderful mans 22nd (I think 23rd in korean age) birthday.

San is such a wonderful man. All of ATEEZ are very obviously wonderful people who deserve so much in this world. I adore them all so much. Here is a list of the things I love about San and also some of my favorite fan cams/edits/etc.

~He is our multitalented King- San can sing and dance and is also super athletic. San is also very smart and participated in his school band in middle school (I think). San also has a black belt in Taekwondo so we all know mans can fight. I could go on and on tbh but this is already gonna be a long post.

~He is obviously very handsome- Everyone in kpop is handsome or beautiful of course, but Sans visuals. Omgggg. Everything about him is so gorgeous. His dimples are so cute, his jawline could cut glass, his eyes hold stars, just 🥺🥺. Gosh. He’s so handsome. He also has a waistline most people would kill for. Of course people shouldn’t only focus on his looks, because he is so much more than his pretty face, but it’s definitely something to be pointed out ❤️❤️.

~San takes care of people- San takes care of everyone. If anyone in ATEEZ seems down or sad you can always see him trying to cheer them up and make them feel better. Whether he’s hugging or touching them, making silly faces at them, or even just blatantly talking with them and telling them it’s okay San is always someone others can rely on. Even recently, we saw him helping the kids down and joking around with them during dance practice. I also always think of how is even with people he doesn’t know. For example during the OMKalen interview they did where the interviewer was trying new food and San was so concerned about the spicy food and telling him to drink water. It was just so adorable and when I was getting into ATEEZ that was always something that stayed with me 🥺🥺.

~San is kind- This is basically a continuation of the one above. But San is a good person just generally. You can see that just in everything he does. From taking care of the members, to the way he carries himself, his fan interactions, and just ugh. Ugh. He cares so much about us and about his members too. It’s also reflected in the way he treats animals. He is always gentle and loving and kind. He just exudes sweetness.

~San is humble- San has every single right to brag and be egotistical but he is the complete opposite of that. In fact he rarely brags and usually tries to hype up other people instead of himself. He’s the ambassador of his home town for a reason.

~San’s dancing is on another level- I know I also mentioned this earlier but he is truly such an incredible dancer and performer. Every move he does is so powerful yet graceful. You can see how hard he works and how passionate he is. I really admire him. His facial expressions on stage are so fun to watch too. He’s the type of person people can’t take their eyes off of and he’s a true professional. As we saw during one of the performances of “I’m the one” he realized his jump wasn’t right and changed the movement so he wouldn’t hurt Jongho. It was barely even noticeable. Not only is it impressive that he could act that quickly, but it’s admirable that he risked his own safety to make sure Jongho wouldn’t be hurt. He is definitely one of the best dancers in kpop right now in my opinion. I can’t wait to watch him continue to grow.

~San loves his members unconditionally- This one I also already touched on but I just really love the way he and rest of ATEEZ honestly treat each other. They are all so bonded together and it’s so easy to tell that they are. San is always there for the others, always making sure their okay and doing things to be there for him and help them out. He literally gave his part in Mist to Wooyoung so that he could shine too. When Wooyoung won the race in kingdom he was so supportive towards him and so lovely.

~San is strong- Obviously we know San is physically strong. I mean he doesn’t have those abs for nothing 😂. But I mean this in the way of emotions and just his being. Even when San is struggling he is there for us, he is there for his members, and he doesn’t let things take him over. I find it such a testament to his character how after his grandfathers funeral he still decided to come and perform with ATEEZ for Kingdom even though I’m sure it couldn’t have been easy for him to do that. Even through all of that pain he was thinking about us and ATEEZ. I literally cry if I think about it too much 😅😅.

I’m gonna be linking a couple of my favorite tik toks and videos of San that live rent free in my head. Thanks so much for reading and let’s support him together for a long time.

A really hot San Edit that lives in my head rent free

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMdX7Ncqw/

Just a really cute woosan edit I love

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMdX7RHjq/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMdX7jtx2/

San being clingy to the members on fever road

"I'm The One" San fancam white outfit

190819 Sicko Mode San fancam

“Thanxx" San fancam 9/3/2020

OMKalen interview because I just loved this interview and also how San was being the whole time.

[af1899]

FEH - software update 5.11.0 coming up + own thoughts

First of all...

👏🏻SUMMER 👏🏻 TANA'S 👏🏻 REFINE 👏🏻 HYPE

Yeah... it was to be expected since she was the next seasonal after Bridal Tharja with a preference weapon, but I'm still excited to see what she'll get, and I can finally decide what build do I want on her.

If you need to read the full announcement, here is an archived copy offered at Gamepedia, for my thoughts on the more relevant stuff, here goes:

Refine choices

As you could see in the picture above, Summer Tana, along with an assortment of other units, got their weapon refine upgrades, Legendary Hector is finally getting his as he already got his {Remix} skills, but Legendary Marth and Legendary Young Tiki haven't gotten anything... until now.

Their new and improved skills are really amazing, Tiki gets a taste of {Far Save} skills mixed with defensive area buffs, plus [Slick Fighter 3] to make up for her speed, though good, it's become kind of unreliable nowadays. Meanwhile, Marth gets to taste one of the skills from his Brave counterpart, as well as new refine and expanded {Sweep} effect from the original [Binding Shield] which can now target anyone so long as he's virtually faster than the target foe, that and coupled to the fact he can potentially stack stats like a madman will surely help him a lot, plus with whatever the refine will grant. I'd go more in sight about them but I think we ought to wait for the refines coming in about two weeks to be sure.

Some others that were waiting on their refines also get theirs, which is nice... though we're still asking for refines on first generation refreshers, please I.S.

It's worth noting that Linus is also getting a new preference weapon called [Fanged Basilikos].

Monthly [Combat Manual] batch

For the 5★ [Combat Manuals], we're getting Perceval and Adrift Female Corrin, I think the former will, ultimately, have the most value to you due to his fodder, as he carries [Lull Atk/Spd 3] as the most interesting skill; while the latter can offer [Atk/Spd Bond 3] (and preferably add [Fortify Dragons] too), enabling you to efficiently fodder a Brave Marianne if that's what you're looking for (if that's what you're looking to do, ensure your recipient is an infantry unit).

The only interesting 4★ one would be ― of course ― Groom Zelot, his best fodder overall would be his weapon, the [Love Candelabra+], which is imbued with the effects of [Joint Drive Atk] and [Joint Drive Def], or of course free merge for people that are looking to build him, like me.

I think this is an even better batch fodder-wise than this month, it can assist people not looking to build Brave Marianne on foddering her and get a super useful skill for the infantry or cavalry unit in need of a speed and bulk boost.

And the rest...

Just the usual QoL changes, structure updates and the newly purchasable Heroes that require [Heroic Grails]: Scion Nanna and Aelfric.

The [Best Skills] filter will now show the skills the unit hasn't learned when you're teaching them new skills, only there, so any untaught skill won't clog up your list on other screens, this is quite useful indeed.

Two songs will also be added on [Concert Hall] so you can use them in some parts of the game, but I only care about "Embracing Destiny" from Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War, I'm guessing this is the track we know from chapter 5 in the game since I only run into this theme when I try looking for this new name, but who knows? I.S. seems to like teasing us with inconsistent and out-of-the-blue translations, however, if it's really that track, then it's definitely a good one I'd buy and set almost everywhere, but I'm still sticking to Silesia castle's theme in my castle.

Not a really interesting upgrade, just average, but excitedly looking forward to the refines and most importantly, Summer Tana's, she's my favorite character in Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones but I haven't been able to give her the investment she deserves, hopefully a good refine will give me an idea on how I want to build her, here's mine for now:

No need to tell me, I'm well aware how terrible this is. 😕

But I often find myself best waiting for a refine to think how I want to build the unit later, if it's good, it'll have been worth it not wasting some skills already imbued on the refine, but we'll definitely see, I'll share thoughts once it's out!

Thanks for reading my thoughts and take care. 👋🏻

[lovely-ateez]

Silver Nights With You~

ꕥPosted: 12/18/20

ꕥGenre: College!au, Christmas Imagine, Fluff, Angst & Smut (You know it’s gonna end happy, I’m a sap)

ꕥPairing: FemReader! x Mingi

ꕥSummary: You get stuck in a cabin with Mingi and shit goes down( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ꕥWord Count: ~4.9k (Holy shit I’ve never written this much before I am so sorry)

ꕥWarnings: Angst, Thigh riding, Unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it my dudes), Praise (m & f receiving),

ꕥA/N: This is the most angst I will ever write, I was genuinely on the brink of tears while writing this because I honestly can’t stand people being sad. Anyway this literally took me days to write and I really hope you all like it :)

ꕥTagging: @raysanshine​

“It’s fucking cold.” I took a sip of my hot cocoa, burying myself deeper in the mountain of blankets on my lap, glancing at the snow falling outside.

Wooyoung scoffed and spread his arms along the back of his couch, “It’s December, of course it’s gonna be cold.”

I turned back to him, “Okay, yeah, but I’m still gonna complain about it.”

“You complain about everything.”

“That is a gross over-exaggeration that portrays me in an unfair light and, frankly, you should be ashamed.”

My closest friend smiled, showing his slight dimples. His eyes drifted to my own, smile fading slightly. “What do I have to do for you to join us? Even for an hour or so?”

I sighed. Wooyoung had been bothering me about coming to our friend Yunho’s annual Christmas party for days now, but I simply wasn’t in the mood.

“I’d rather not go at all.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

A year ago at the same party, my boyfriend Mingi broke up with me. It wasn’t a bad breakup, but it still hurt. He was set to study abroad for the next year and it just made the most sense to him, he told me. So who was I to stand in the way of his dreams? We decided to cut contact shortly after, it being too painful for us to even have small talk. We hadn’t talked since.

I’d spent the following year in a limbo, trying my hardest to enjoy my newfound independence, but ultimately failing, my thoughts somehow finding their way back to Mingi. Everything reminded me of him.

Rainy days made me think of the way he loved to dance with me in the rain, spinning me and smiling wide, warm raindrops messing up our hair. Sunny days made me think of the times we’d both take off work to have picnics, making wishes on dandelions. Stormy days made me think of how we’d cuddle up to one another and watch a trash movie, making fun of the characters’ bad choices. He was a part of me. He always would be. I suppose two years of dating does that. I suppose they take a part of you with them, too.

I told myself I healed. I told myself I was over him. But deep, deep down I knew I wasn’t. Part of me never would be.

“He won’t be there this year, if that helps at all.”

I remained silent, refusing Wooyoung a response, looking down at the carpet.

“I get it. I know what you’re going through. It really wasn’t that long ago that Aisha broke up with me.”

My eyes darted up. Wooyoung hadn’t talked about their breakup with me yet. I refused to push him, knowing he was still in pain and that he’d tell me when he was ready.

“It was for the best but I can’t pretend like I’m gonna move on soon. We were dating for a year and a half for god’s sake.” He let out a bitter laugh and turned to me, “I know it’s tough, but would you do it for me? Please come.”

“Okay.”

-

The high shrill of a female voice rang out through my phone, leading me to pull the device away from my ear.

“I knew Wooyoung could get you to change your mind!”

“Arin I get that you’re excited, but I’m gonna go deaf if you keep yelling.”

“Ack I’m sorry! I’m just so excited to see you! It’s been, what? Five months since I saw you last?”

“Yeah something like that.”

“Well anyways, I know it’s probably tough for you but I really appreciate you going. I know everyone else will, too.”

I tried to push down the longing I felt for Mingi, remembering the previous year in far too much detail.

“Yeah it’ll be nice to see them.”

“Okay I hate to cut it short but my boss might actually fire me if he finds me on my phone again.”

“You’re literally dating him. There’s no way in hell he’d fire you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

“Shh not so loud!”

I rolled my eyes, knowing I was speaking no louder than usual.

“Alright. Take care then. I’ll see you at the party.”

“Yep! Love you, girly!”

“Love you, too. See ya.”

My phone beeped, signaling the end of the call.

I checked the calendar hanging on the wall of my bedroom. Three more days till the party and I was dreading it more and more.

A knock at the door startled me and I made my way over, opening the door to find Wooyoung standing before me with a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

“What are you doing here?”

“What? Can’t a guy just drop by to say hello to his best friend?”

“He can, but you only do when you’re up to something. What is it this time?”

“Nothing! Scout’s honor!” He lifted a hand to make the famous three-fingered salute. 

“You were never a boy scout, dumbass.”

Wooyoung brought a hand to his chest, mocking offense, “I’ll have you know that I simply brought flowers over as a thank you for agreeing to come with us.”

“Aww really? Do you wanna come in?”

“Yeah, really. But nah I can’t stay, I just wanted to drop them off.”

“You’re sweet.”

A cocky smile formed on his face, “I know.”

He passed the flowers over to me, giving me a hug and saying his goodbyes. I watched him walk to his car, a little skip in his step, wondering how anyone could let him go.

-

I grabbed my warmest jacket and walked out to my car. Today was the day I’d been dreading for weeks. Today was the day I’d have to put on a brave face and pretend I was alright. I mentally hyped myself up as I slid into the driver’s seat.

You’ll be okay. You’re strong. You can do this.

Snow was already starting to fall and I made a mental note to be careful. After all, Yunho’s cabin was roughly an hour away.

As I drove, the snow began to fall much faster, leaving me no choice but to feel concerned. My car didn’t have four-wheel-drive and what if my car got stuck? I was only fifteen minutes away but in snow like this with such a low temperature, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to walk the rest of the way.

The sun had already begun to set and seeing the road becoming much harder. Only four more minutes with the current speed I was going. I could make it.

Of course, the universe wasn’t having it and my car broke down almost immediately after I had the thought.

“Fuck.”

I panicked for a brief moment, trying to start up my car with no success.

Wait. My phone.

Grabbing my phone at rapid speed, I found it out of battery.

“I literally just charged it what the hell?”

I tried my best to cope with the fact that I had no choice but to walk the rest of the way. Taking a deep breath, I opened my car door and braced for the cold wind.

Trudging through the snow storm, I felt my ears and hands begin to hurt from the cold. I could barely see where I was going, having to rely on remembering where the cabin was based on the times I had been there prior.

Eventually I spotted a cabin in the distance and kept going, feeling myself lose heat with every step.

Finally, I climbed up the stairs and reached the main doorway.

I knocked loudly against the large wooden door, silently pleading for someone to answer. After waiting a few seconds with no response I tried to turn the door knob, grateful to find it unlocked. 

I pushed the door open and entered, quickly closing it behind me. Warm air rushed over me and I never felt so thankful for indoor heating. The inside looked the same as it always did; the main door lead to the living room which had the same snow globes above the fireplace as always, the same Christmas decorations scattered throughout, and the Christmas tree in the same corner as usual.

I shivered and moved to find a blanket when I saw a tall figure enter the living room. I looked up, feeling my heart drop. Standing before me was the one man that I didn’t want to be here.

Mingi’s eyes widened and mouth opened, looking at me with surprise. It seemed both of us were frozen, unable to do anything other than look at one another.

His rich chestnut hair was longer than when I saw him last, it was parted in the center, reaching his eyes. He was wearing a fitted green sweater that complimented his honey skin and tight ripped jeans. I refused to allow myself to acknowledge how attractive he truly looked. I refused to tell myself how much I missed him and how I wanted nothing more than to jump in his arms.

“What are you doing here?” I managed to say, hating how timid my voice sounded. It’s because of the cold, I thought.

He seemed to come out of his trance, “I could ask you the same.”

“I’m here for the Christmas party.”

Mingi gave me a confused look. “The party isn’t until the twenty third.”

Annoyed, I narrowed my eyes, “It is the twenty third.”

He raised a brow and took his phone from his pocket, turning it to me, ‘December 19th’ it read.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” I huffed, moving to sit down on the couch while running my hands along my arms for some sort of warmth. Mingi noticed immediately and left the room only to bring back several thick blankets.

I removed my jacket and wrapped the blankets around me as tight as I could.

“My car broke down a while back and my phone is dead. Is there anyone here that could give me a ride?” I didn’t want to spend more time with him than I had to. It hurt too damn much.

Mingi gave an apologetic smile, “I’m the only one here, actually.”

I gave the man a confused look, “Why are you here?”

“My second semester ended so I’m no longer studying abroad. I came back to visit friends but didn’t have a place to stay so Yunho has let me stay here for a few days.” He was silent for a few seconds before adding, “I was gonna leave before the party I-”

“You don’t have to explain yourself. It’s fine.”

Silence.

“I would take you home if I could, but my car is being fixed right now so it isn’t here. We could call someone maybe if that-”

“Yeah that’s fine. Can I borrow your phone?”

He nodded and handed it over. I didn’t notice it when he showed me his phone before, but his lock screen was different. It shouldn’t have hurt to see that it changed from a selfie of us to a picture of him with friends I assume he made abroad. It shouldn’t have. It had been a year, I should be over him.

I opened his phone without needing a password and tried to hide a smile. He never had a password in all the time I’d known him.

Good to know some things never change.

I dialed Wooyoung’s number and pressed the call button.

“We are sorry, but at this time your service provider is out of range. Please-”

Great.

I handed back his phone, “You don’t have any signal.”

“That’s odd, we always have service here...Do you wanna charge your phone? Maybe you’ll have better luck?”

“Yeah.”

He left the room and I placed my head in my hands, trying to process seeing him for the first time in a year. He was devastatingly handsome and still as kind as always.

I really miss him, don’t I?

His voice started me, “Hand me your phone, I’ll plug it in for you.”

I passed my phone over, accidentally touching his warm hands and I felt a spark run through me which I did my best to ignore. With almost comical timing, just as Mingi reached a plug-in, the lights went out.

“Uhh...that’s not supposed to happen.”

I scoffed, “No kidding. Do we have a generator?”

“Honestly, I don’t think we do.” Mingi gave me a sad look, “It’s been snowing hard outside for hours so there’s no way we’ll be able to leave now. Even with a car.”

“Awesome. I love to hear that.”

“At the very least we’ve got food to last us a few days. We should be okay-”

“Do I look like I want to spend several days here?” I snapped.

He looked taken aback at my words and I felt a pang of regret in my chest.

“I’m not sure we have a choice.”

I hated to admit it, but he was right.

“Do you want any food?”

“Huh?” I asked, confused.

“Are you hungry? I could make you something if you’d like.”

I thought for a moment. “Yeah, actually. If you don’t mind, anyway.”

Mingi shook his head, walking to the kitchen. I didn’t realize how hungry I really was until he mentioned it, so I didn’t care what he made for me.

Minutes later he placed a plate and cup on the coffee table in front of me.

My favorite sandwich and chips. He remembered.

It should have been considered kind, but it just broke my heart a bit further. It was a simple act, but it proved that he stored it in his memory.

He remembered.

“I hope it’s still your favorite. I got you your favorite lemonade, too.”

I nodded, trying to prevent tears from spilling.

“I’ll be honest, I’m not quite sure what to do.”

“Lighting the fireplace would probably be a good start.”

He laughed, “Ah you’re totally right. I’ll be back with a lighter, call out to me if you need anything.”

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.

Stuffing my face with the sandwich, I hummed. I always loved his sandwiches. There was something special about them, knowing that he made them for me, and this one was no different.

Mingi once again returned, this time with a lighter and a blanket, lighting the fire and sitting down on the couch across from me, wrapping himself in the blanket.

I couldn’t help but wonder how I possibly ended up in the current situation. Maybe the universe was out to get me. Who knows?

I took another bite of my sandwich, hoping I’d be able to leave soon.

-

I briefly glanced over at Mingi to find him on his phone.

Lucky. I wish I had mine so I wouldn’t be so damn bored.

The crackle of the fireplace was the only noise for what seemed like an hour. Neither one of us spoke. Growing tired of not doing anything, I stood and walked towards the fireplace to admire the snow globes. I noticed that behind the globes rested a photo album. I debated whether or not I should open it for the span of a few seconds before my curiosity got the best of me.

Opening it up, I saw pictures of all of our friends from the previous years of Yunho’s Christmas party. I began to walk back to the couch with my eyes on the book when I tripped, some of the pictures falling out. Mingi noticed and quickly rushed over to my side.

“Are you alright?” He was careful not to touch me, I noticed, but he was still right by my side.

“I’m fine, just help me pick these up.” I motioned towards the pictures scattered across the floor.

“Of course.”

We resumed our silence, picking the photos up and placing them back in the book. Noticing Mingi had stopped helping me I looked at him, prepared to make a quick jab at him for not helping, when I saw why he stopped.

In his hands he was holding a picture of the two of us kissing, dated two years prior.

I let out an empty chuckle, devoid of all humor, “I don’t know why that’s still there. Here,” I reached out to take the photo, “I’ll throw it away-”

“Don’t.” His response was immediate, taking me by surprise. He shifted awkwardly, clearing his throat, “I’d like to keep it.”

My heart felt like it stopped for a moment, hoping he missed us as much as I did.

“Why?” I asked.

Mingi smiled, still looking at the frozen image of the two of us. “Do you remember this day?”

“Of course I do.” My eyes began to water without me realizing, “That day was the first time you told me you loved me.”

His eyes found mine, sadness within them, “Yeah. Yeah it was.” His voice became horse as if he was fighting back tears.

“I didn’t want to let you go.”

“Then why did you?”

His eyes drifted down. “I was traveling halfway across the world for a year. I guess part of me thought you would meet someone else. I wanted to save myself the heartbreak in case you did.”

“I would’ve gladly stayed with you if you had asked. I have no desire to meet anyone else. Ever. You are the only one for me.” I froze, the realization of my words hitting me.

Mingi looked at me, “When I was abroad, I missed you every second of every day and I have missed you every second of every day since.” His hands cupped my face as if I was made of glass and a single tear fell down his cheek, causing my own tears to spill.

I was no longer able to speak, and so I did the only thing I could think of: I kissed him.

I kissed him with all the hurt that I felt after he left me. I kissed him with the deep love that I still felt for him. I kissed him with the fear that I’d lose him once again.

Our kisses soon grew heated, the photo album quickly forgotten, and I found my arms wrapped around his neck, hands running through his soft hair while his found their way to the bottom of my sweater, toying with it.

“Do you want this?” He growled, voice much deeper and raspier than before.

“Yes.”

With that, he pulled my sweater over my head, eyes scanning the red, lacy bra I was wearing.

His favorite.

Mingi chuckled, “This is still my favorite bra of yours.”

“I don’t know, I’ve got some new ones that are pretty hot.”

He let out a groan and began to leave kisses down my neck, setting my skin on fire.

I stopped him, needed to know one thing before we continued, “Did you...have you...since we last...?”

He smiled, “How could I? I’ve only ever been yours. Have you?”

I gave a slight smile, “No. No, I haven’t.”

I kissed him again and lifted his sweater, tossing it across the room. He had slightly defined abs when I was with him before, but they were far more prominent now. His arms were much more defined and it took all of my concentration to keep from drooling.

“Like what you see, doll?”

My voice was a borderline squeak, “Yes.”

“You still into praise, sweetheart?

I nodded, pulling on his jeans. Only slightly embarrassed with how eager I was.

“Not yet, baby.” Mingi easily lifted me to the couch and helped me remove my jeans. He grabbed my hips and placed me on his thigh, tightening his muscles as he dragged my clothed core across his own jeans. In mere seconds I became a quivering mess. I realized how truly long it had been since I’d been with anyone like this, and I had to admit I was needy.

“What a good girl you’re being for me. Aren’t you? You’re doing wonderfully, my love.”

I whimpered and pulled myself closer to him.

“Are you close, baby?”

I nodded, maybe too quickly, and felt my orgasm wash over me. I panted, already out of breath.

“Good girl.”

Bringing my lips to his I reached for his pants again and this time he helped me remove them. As I grinded down against him, he let out a deep growl.

“Let’s rid you of these, hmm?”

He eagerly removed my panties and bra and stared at me for a minute.

“God, you’re beautiful.”

I blushed fiercely. “You’re so incredibly handsome. Somehow even more so than when I saw you last.”

Mingi looked at me with a shy smile then resumed his actions. He removed his underwear and ran his length across my slit, teasing me slightly.

“Mingi, I need you.” I begged.

His eyes darkened and he entered me without hesitation. My back arched as he reached a steady pace and littered my neck with kisses, most likely leaving hickies, marking me as his.

I pulled his hair, bringing him closer to me. Mingi was always fairly vocal, but he could never get enough of me pulling his hair, always moaning in response.

He reached down and toyed with my clit, causing sparks to fly through me.

“Fuck—babe don’t stop.”

“Wasn’t—shit—planning on it, doll.”

Both of us quickly reached our high, cumming at the same time. I pressed a hand against his chest as I caught my breath.

“You’re still really, really good at that.”

Mingi laughed, “You are too, sweetheart. Oh wait-”

He got up and returned with a warm towel, cleaning me up and looking at me fondly.

“You’re cute.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mingi smiled, placing the towel aside,“Now, how about we get under some blankets? We’ll feel cold soon enough.”

I nodded and began to put my undergarments on, reaching for my sweater.

“I think not.” He said, now with his pants on, handing me his own sweater which I gladly took.

“You look hella good in my clothes, miss.”

I giggled at his choice of words, feeling happiness bubble in my chest for the first time in a long time.

“You look hella good without a shirt, mister.”

Mingi raised a brow and ticked my sides, making me squeal.

“I’ll fight you!” I yelled.

He stopped and rubbed his nose against mine, “Sorry I can’t help it. Your laugh is the most beautiful sound in the world.”

“Shut up.” I laughed, feeling shy.

He placed arm around me, nuzzling my neck.

I turned to him, worry in my eyes, “I’m really sorry for lashing out at you earlier. That’s not like me.”

He smiled, “I know it’s not. But don’t worry about it, I understand. It’s a defense mechanism I guess.”

I cuddled up to him then realized I needed to use the restroom. I tried to get up when he pulled me closer to him.

“Please don’t leave me.”

“Silly, I just have to use the restroom. I don’t want a UTI.”

He laughed aloud, “Fine but you better come right back.”

“I will,” I told him, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before I walked away.

I soon looked in the mirror of the bathroom, observing my flushed cheeks and the wide smile I couldn’t seem to wipe off my face.

This girl looks happy. I think I can get used to seeing her in the mirror.

I returned and was instantly pulled back into his arms.

“I love you.”

I felt a tear run down my face, feeling beyond happy, “I love you, too. So much.”

I wasn’t sure when, but I felt my eyes began to droop, slowly falling asleep in the arms of the man I loved.

-

The day following, Mingi’s phone recieved signal and I was able to call Wooyoung. Apparently the power lines had fallen, everyone in the immediate area losing power. The nearest roads had been somehow cleared overnight and he’d be able to come pick me up.

“Wooyoung’s on his way over, apparently everyone lost power.”

“Hmm. well I, for one, am glad we did,” Mingi pulled me into a tight hug.

“Yeah, me too.”

A silence fell between us, but it was comfortable this time.

Mingi spoke up, his voice becoming playful, “I’m taking you on a date soon. There’s nothing you can do about, I’m afraid you cannot refuse.”

“As if I would refuse.”

“Mmm.” I didn’t think he could, but he pulled me even closer to him.

“Mingi you’re literally gonna break my bones.”

He let go of me, eyes wide, “Did I hurt you? Gosh I’m so sorry I can—”

“You didn’t hurt me you goof.”

“Oh good. You scared me.”

The honk of a car horn scared me and I jumped, Mingi hiding a smile.

“Call me if you need anything, okay? You’ve got my number.”

“Of course.” Giving him one last kiss before I bid him goodbye and left the cabin, hopping in Wooyoung’s car.

“Holy shit are you okay? Was anyone even home? My god I feel so bad—”

“Mingi was there.”

Wooyoung’s face froze, quickly turning into a scowl, “I swear if he did anything to you—”

“No, don’t worry about it. We’ve made up,” I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face.

He didn’t say anything, he only stared at me before he spoke again, “You two totally fucked, didn’t you?”

“Wooyoung!” I slapped his arm in shock.

“You didn’t deny it!”

“Oh shut up. Just take me home.”

He playfully rolled his eyes and put the car in drive.

“Just so you know, I’m happy for you. I get why he did it but I am still a little pissed. I swear to fucking god if he breaks your heart again I will actually break his knee caps.”

“Oh I don’t doubt it. I wouldn’t worry to much about it, though.”

“If you insist, okay.”

“I do.”

-

December twenty third. The day that I had been dreading once, now one that I had been very much looking forward to. I checked my makeup and outfit once more before texting Mingi.

Me: I’m ready whenever you are!

Mingi Mango: I’m outside :)

Me: Shit, already?

Mingi Mango: Language

I scoffed, grabbing my purse and running outside to meet him.

“Babyyyyyy!” Mingi yelled as he saw me.

“Mangoooo!” I yelled back, jumping into his arms.

“How are you? I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“Mingi it’s been two days.”

“But it feels like forever! You look absolutely stunning, by the way.”

“You cheese. You look really good yourself.”

“You know it,” Mingi winked and opened his passenger car door for me, “My lady.”

I was unable to keep from smiling, giving him a little kiss on the cheek and climbing into the car. The entire car ride was filled with lighthearted conversation, not a single silent moment between us.

“We’re here, doll.”

“Yes I see the cabin in front of us.” I teased him.

“Well just in case you didn’t I thought I’d let you know.” He laughed, eyes disappearing into crescents, and I felt my heart swell.

We held hands as we walked into the cabin, finding several pairs of eyes turning to us, then to our intertwined hands. I was pleased to find smiles on my friend’s faces, feeling happy that they were happy for us. Arin came running towards me at a seemingly inhuman speed and wrapped her arms around me.

“Ahhh how are you, girly? I’ve missed you so much! And you look gorgeous! I love that sweater on you! And your makeup! Wow! How’d you do that? Have you been eating well?”

“One question at a time, Arin.” I smiled.

“Sorry! I’m just so happy!”

"Me too!” I looked around, “Do you know where Wooyoung is?”

“Oh he’s out back with San. They’re having a competition to see who can build the better snowman.”

I shook my head with a smile.

At that moment she took a step back, looking at our hands. I had told her about Mingi and I dating again over the phone and she seemed happy for me, but I had to admit I was nervous to see her reaction in person.

“You,” She pointed a finger at Mingi, “If you hurt even a hair on her head I will actually fight you.”

Mingi’s eyed widened, assuring her that he would never hurt me.

She clapped her hands, “Well, good. Now that that’s over, do you all want a drink?” Arin cocked her head, the change in mannerisms throwing me a little.

“Yeah that’s fine.”

“Okay! I’ll be right back! Catch up with everyone you two!”

As if he was a ghost, Yunho appeared next to Mingi, scaring us both.

“Christ, Yunho. Give a man a warning first.”

“Sorry,” He chucked, “How are you both?”

“We’re doing well, thanks.”

“We’re happy.” Mingi turned to me and looked at me with heart eyes, butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

“You all are cute. Speaking of, you haven’t met Mia, have you?”

Mingi and I exchanged confused looks.

“No, I don’t believe so. Who’s that?”

“She’s my new girlfriend. We’ve been dating for a little over a month but if I’m being honest, I’m already head over heels for this girl.” Yunho turned, calling out to a girl surrounded by people, “Mia, can you come here?”

The short brunette walked over, a smile plastered on her face as she made eye contact with Yunho.

“I’d like you to meet my friends from high school.” He introduced us and she nodded, fully invested in the conversation.

“I’ve heard a lot about you both! I’m so excited to get to know you all better!”

I smiled at her enthusiasm, “Aww you, too!”

Arin walked over and handed Mingi and I our drinks, skipping off to meet another friend.

Yunho and Mia wondered off soon after, greeting more people coming in.

“Hey I’ve got something I wanna show you.” Mingi whispered in my ear.

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“Come with me.”

Before I knew it, Mingi was pulling me into a bathroom and locking the door.

“I know what you’re doing, Mango.”

“And what’s that?” He asked as he leaned down to reach my neck, kissing me gently, arms resting on my hips.

“We’re at a party.” I said, whining at him but doing nothing to stop him.

“I saw that couch when we walked in, you know? I’m never going to be able to look at it the same.”

“Me either.”

My head eventually won the fight I was having with myself, and I promised that if he could wait till he dropped me off I’d be all his. It seemed to appease him as he gave me one last kiss and led us out of the bathroom. Somehow, no one noticed and I was grateful, sure that my flustered expression would certainly give us away.

“Hey, look at this.”

My eyes moved in the direction Mingi was pointing, seeing a mistletoe directly above us.

“Oh you definitely planned that.”

“And if I did?”

“I’d kiss you all the same.”

Mingi bent down to kiss me, a hand on my face, another around my waist. As I wrapped my own hands around his neck, deepening the kiss, I couldn’t help but think that this was what true happiness felt like.

Thank you, Mingi. Thank you for giving me the greatest gift of your love. Merry Christmas, my love.

[topweeklyupdate]

TØP Weekly Update #142: A Formidable Album (5/21/21)

So... how 'bout that album release week?

There's so much to cover; the release of nine new songs, the hype that's building for the World's Best Band to return to the stage, and (if we're able to come up for air) the massive speculation of what the future brings for our band.

I'm gonna get right into it, laying out my thoughts regarding this bold new album and covering all the most notable news from the week. I'll be sharing my (mostly) positive opinions about Scaled and Icy under the Read More line; I hope they're the start of a fun conversation with all of y'all who have stuck around through this last year.

Scaled and Icy Review

First, my general thoughts on the album: It's good! Really good. Do I think it's a no-skip like Vessel or a cohesive piece of art like Trench? Absolutely not! But it's also not the potential misfire that I worried that we might be getting when I first heard "Saturday" (more on that later); I think all of the songs are at least good, and some of them are downright great tracks that hold up with anything else that our band has ever released. It is also indisputably very different, but I think that generally works pretty well. Many of the songs evoke '60s rock or Britpop sounds and structures that you can tell Tyler is still trying to navigate, but I think he does a very solid job at adapting them to suit his strengths- namely his lyricism and knack for melody- rather than change to suit them. Unfortunately, this does result in a bit of square-peg-in-round-hole syndrome at times; most of the rap verses on the album feel like they're here just to fulfill an obligation to fans who would be mad if they weren't here, and most of the songs that use them are the weakest ones in the project.

"Good Day" plays a major role in getting the rest of the album to work as well as it does. Its gradual ramp-up, introducing the sound that will be used throughout the rest of the album. Its playfulness belies its message about how one can project a somewhat false optimism for oneself in the midst of tragedy: the type of dark stuff in a bright package that Tyler is so so good at. It's perhaps not an instant classic, but I am excited to see how it comes across when it's eventually used as a show-opener. 9/10

I've of course already discussed "Shy Away"; an anthemic, inimitably catchy track that I just wish had a bit more going on under the hood. Still going to be so good to hear thousands of voices scream "An 'I LOVE YOU' that isn't words!" someday. 9.5/10

"Choker" definitely took a little bit to grow on me. I think part of that was a bit of disappointment from over-inflated expectations and the environment I was in when I first heard it. With further listens, I fall more and more in love with the melody of the song... well, most of it. Like the rest of this album, the biggest weakness in the song is when Tyler tries to tick the box of having a rap verse; it just feels really out of place, unfinished, and almost amateurish, and it doesn't end the song on the note that it really should. Without it, it'd be one of my favorites on the album; with it, "Choker" is a solid 8.5/10.

Speaking of unfinished-sounding songs really hurt by their rap verse: "The Outside". There's a definite something to the vibe of the song, but that seemingly nonsensical verse is one of the two weakest parts of the entire project for me. The way the song meanders only adds to the feeling that there wasn't as much energy and attention paid to it compared to other parts of the project. It's pretty easily my least favorite track on Scaled and Icy, and the only one I might regularly skip. I've also seen plenty of people saying it's the best song on the album, so please tell me why I'm wrong! 6.5/10

"Saturday", as mentioned above, had me really nervous about this album. Like "Choker", it's grown on me a bit since I first heard it, in part because it fits better with the context of the rest of the album. However, this one really does feel undercooked lyrically and overreliant on the novelty of using a disco-inspired sound that seems to chase trends more than almost any other TØP track. The inclusion of that very sweet audio clip from Jenna boosts the song in some ways, but also adds to the disappointment in others; there are many other songs on this project that would be more worth surrendering time watching Friends. Thankfully, those come next. 7/10

"Never Take It" is fascinating. I never thought I'd hear a Rolling Stones-style song from Tyler Joseph featuring a gd guitar solo of all things, and it actually sounds pretty great. However, I also predict that this song will see some of the greatest critical scrutiny out of all the songs on the album. The lyrics seem to be Tyler's criticism of the media for playing up division in our society, but he's extremely vague when discussing which entities are spreading said division and ultimately recommends that people "educate yourself, but never too much". I'll be honest: maybe it's the fact that it sounds like something my dad would listen to, but it feels like this would get tons of play on Fox News. Since it makes specific reference to the events of last summer, it's hard not to feel like song is at least partially inspired by Tyler's brush with cancellation last year. Maybe I'm reading too deeply into it, but those reservations come from the song's lack of specificity, which is an issue of songwriting more than politics. They hold me back from truly loving a song that still manages to be one of the most exciting the band has ever put out. 8.5/10

"Mulberry Street" seems like the perfect realization of the entire album's intended tone. It is so pleasant, so lush while also simply produced, full of great lyrics, metaphors, and imagery. It really brings the whole project together, even if it's missing That One Line to really move this up to the top tier of the canon. 9.5/10

"Formidable" is the best song on the album and one of two songs I would truly rank in the top tier of the band's canon. Extremely pleasant and brimming with well-crafted lines to make your heart swoon. Jenna (and Rosie) is (are) a lucky gal(s). Or is it about Josh? Who's to say? 10/10

"Bounce Man" is just plain wild. I think Tyler's smuggling someone to Mexico to escape the feds? The playfulness of it all really covers up any frustration I might have with the clarity; it makes it clear that there's not really stakes here, just vibes. 8.5/10

"No Chances" sees the album take a turn that I'm sure the Reddit Clique is going to have an absolute field day with; it and "Redecorate" both sound quite different from the rest of the album and evoke enough elements of Trench to make me think that's it's actually possible that all this 'SAI is Propaganda' stuff might actually have something to it... until I actually pick apart the lyrics, then I'm even more confused. The song has some of the best rapping on the album, though that's not saying much (the feng shui line is a groaner right out the gate) and the gentle pre-chorus is really pleasant. I still haven't made up my mind on whether the chorus is effective or just plain goofy. This one might get worse or better on repeat listens, impossible to say for now. 7.5/10

"Redecorate" rounds out the album by opening with a Clancy quote (Tyler, you bastard), firmly setting this as a coda to Trench more than the album we just listened to. The rest of the song is really storytelling, with Tyler describing a bunch of people who are struggling deeply. The idea of "redecorating" here stands for how they are faced with the option to clean and resort their own spaces and lives or leave that to their loved ones to do after they're gone. By the time it gets to the album's name drop, you begin to wonder how much of this is potential autobiographical of the last year. It's moving stuff, a callback to some of the great strengths of the band's discography. 10/10

If I average those scores all up, this project ranks below almost every album among the Pilots discography on my rating scale, very narrowly edging out Self-Titled. That's still a very solid 8.6. Scaled and Icy is a very good album on first listen. We'll see how I feel about it after having a little more time to sit with it, but I've rambled enough: let's move through the rest of the week's news.

Other News

Of course, there was a lot else going on this week! To accompany the release of "Saturday", Zane Lowe over at Apple Music dropped an interview with Tyler. As usual, Zane did a pretty solid job of getting to the heart of the craft and the creation process. However, Tyler also wound up skirting a lot of the questions to just talk more about how much he loves being a dad, which makes me happy; if the cost of getting a little less attention and mental energy devoted to the music is that little girl getting all of his attention, that's honestly preferable for me.

The album rollout is not even close to over. Later today, the concert will be streamed live. It's our first real performance that we've gotten from the band since 2019, but the previews that we've seen have completely exceeded any of my expectations, and really anything that we've seen from the band. It appears that they've transformed the entire arena (which I think is the ol' Schott at Ohio State) into a whole TØP world, with different sets laden with Easter eggs and a cast of backup dancers. If the website can hold up to the traffic (and I acknowledge that might be a big ask), this could really live up to Tyler's promise of this being the best livestreamed concert ever.

Oh, and this guy dyed his hair pink.

What a time to be a fan. Catch you all tomorrow.

Power to the local dreamer.

|-/

[wexhappyxfew]

i literally choked on my pizza when i saw your writing and analyzing questions post, I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!! first of all, what sort of process do you go through when creating characters? what kind of things do you take into consideration when creating them? i’m fascinated because creating characters is far from easy, especially when you’re creating someone like agent mortem! i’m always interested to know what the writer’s thought process was when creating a new character!

okay, so secondly, i wouldn’t say i’m having trouble with keeping all my planning organised and ‘precise’ in a way, but it’s really not easy 😅 i was wondering what kind of processes you go through when planning, whether you have like a specific structure or a set of steps to follow, or if you just kind of roll with it? at the moment when i plan it’s okay and it makes sense, but it’s literally just 4 or 5 pages of really chunky paragraphs which makes it really difficult to pick out the events again when i come to needing the plan to help me. i don’t really know if you do anything different, but if there is any way you know of that i could keep it more organised and easy to follow, that would be great :)

i’ll keep the last ones a little shorter because this ask is already looking veryyy long — what have you enjoyed writing about natia, what struggles have you faced and what have you learned? and basically the same with agent mortem if that’s possible :) i have asked a LOT of questions in this, so don’t feel like you have to answer them all because it will probably take quite a while 😅 anyway, thank you for putting up with my endless questions, and i hope you have a good day <33

ROSE AH HELLO MY FRIEND!!!! <333 sorry ive just gotten to this omg! it’s been sitting here for a little while but i’ve just had so much going on right now and wanted to make sure when i answered that my *full attention* was put on this! (because i’ve been very excited to answer this ESPECIALLY as i see agent mortem questions poking up on here and that just makes me even more hype!!! :D enjoy! <3

Ooooo this is a cool question! I’ve been asked it before but I feel with different characters and such, it always seems to fluctuate for me at least? In the sense, it’s almost never the same process for me in the developmental stages of a character haha! Sometimes I get characteristics first hand, or sometimes a certain scene pops up that just makes the character click and I can build from there, or sometimes, it’s just a last name or a first name that I work with and suddenly have an idea for!

For example, since we’re on the general topic of Landslide, I’ll talk about some things I did when creating specifically Natia. The “Natia” who is currently portrayed in the fic, was not always really like that. Natia initially was not a SOE Agent/Polish Resistance Fighter and instead a Dutch Resistance Member who would meet with Easy in Episode 4. I always sort of knew Natia, in whatever form she was, would meet Easy in Episode 4, but I wasn’t sure how, so the building in the first 17 chapters was the toughest part to come.

I did heavily feel the Polish were underrepresented in terms of the situation of the war along with everything that happened in the Warsaw Uprising and so I felt it was important to see if I could do something with that and that’s really where Natia came into play!

Natia means “hope” essentially and something I really like doing with her character is to parallel or juxtapose different ideas together, to continue on this sort of theme of her being a quite ominous and ambiguous character — you get the general sense of what her morals are, but in certain points it’s questionable. Morally-ambiguous characters have always been fascinating to me, especially female morally-ambiguous characters and so creating Natia in that respect I felt would be interesting to see what I could do!

Something major that I’ve slowly began to take into consideration with characters more and more, is the sort of general theme I want to be present with them — what’s that goal i that they are moving towards in the end and what’s the them surrounding it? For Natia it’s a multitude of things; family, revenge, being silenced, numb, grief, mentor vs protégé, lone wolf etc….the list could truly go on! And with these basic sort of ideas and themes, I can then move on from there and expand.

Why did she want REVENGE? Because the enemy killed her FAMILY, which is extremely important to her, and she wants to feel some sort of REDEMPTION for them.

Why was she BEING SILENCED? Because of the *past* conflict of the HARMFUL MENTOR VS SILENCED PROTÉGÉ situation that occurred between Agent Mortem and herself, where she allowed herself to be silenced by someone who abused the SUDDEN POWER he never had before in his life, ultimately leading to her continued issues of TRUST that she would meet throughout.

Why is she NUMB? Because at a fairly young age she experienced heavy and intense GRIEF that struck unforgivably at a time where it seemed things were safe. To rip something from a character, especially the main character, like FAMILY which is extremely important, you pull at the heart strings and it makes that character move forward on a quest for that in a way, ultimately by the end of the fic. (Basically you up they are least get a semblance of that lost thing, found again by the end)

Why is she a LONE WOLF? Because of the MENTOR VS PROTÉGÉ situation yet again, where she was taught to rely strictly on herself and no one else and so when TRUST and COMPANIONSHIP and TEAMWORK were introduced to her character, she didn’t know how to cope because she had been so desensitized to the ways of Agent Mortem that working back in the morals of family and friends was a challenge in its own respect.

It’s sort of a like a ripple effect if you think about it and that’s what helps me eventually move forward and develop the character arc I want to take place. She’s this way because of this — sort of like cause and effect. It’s really helped me out with major scenes or plot holes that have risen throughout the fic!

AGREED! Writing in general is not an easy feat and now including mind you ORIGINAL CHARACTERS, you’re literally, essentially, creating human beings from scratch and giving them characteristics, a backstory, trauma if you wish, friends and family, people they love, people they hate, morals, standards EVERYTHING! ITS INSANE! AH AND AGENT MORTEM! I’m so very glad that you brought him up, because his creation definitely stemmed directly from the want to experiment with the relationship of failed mentor vs protégé, entirely. I wanted a foil to Natia that was not directly with her all the time. Mortem plays such a MASSIVE role in her story and yet any interactions between the two are either from her mind or from memories and that’s just such a fun way to play around with their dynamic! (I just finished the creation of his backstory and character arc I want him to take and it’s only made me even more excited for what’s to ultimately come for him as well as Natia!)

A song that HEAVILY represents their dynamic is Ghost by Marvin Brooks (2WEI) and I’ll explain why. Even though Mortem is not always inherently *with* Natia, he still is a huge factor of her life, and still heavily controlling many aspects of her life such as recurring memories, reactions, and how she is also conditioned to react to certain things as well. He is essentially a “ghost” who is “haunting” Natia and I feel that’s an interesting take on their connection because they’re two people who clearly had a power struggle and a difference of opinions of multiple things and that just makes it so incredibly interesting to write!

song:

OOOOOO good question!!! So many people have such different ways of approaching story writing and planning and drafting and writing and editing and it’s honestly amazing!! I will say, I’m not an excessive planner or even a real great planner with writing, I never really have, and even as I’ve developed my writing and learned that “it’s okay to slow down”, or “it’s okay to take time for different portions to provide a deeper focus”, I still have not been someone to plan out every bit of my writing.

Reason being is I enjoy seeing where I can take the story in that time and place. Maybe if I’m doing a quick little writing segment and suddenly this idea just appears and hits me, I work it into the fic and it takes it a whole new direction and I end up not being super upset about it because it just…it works! And of course, this is not how other people operate and I have every respect for people who plan and have every detail laid out and figured out and just….completely and utterly planned to the dot. Lile kudos to people who genuinely get the planning all cleaned up before even writing, truly.

I just finalized Agent Mortem’s backstory and where I want his character arc to go and I’ve had him as a character since August of last year LOL! But ya know sometimes, I sit and I think back and go, maybe I wasn’t ready at that time to develop him completely yet because I, the writer, didn’t understand him enough to and I had to write more of him to be able to get a grasp of who he was and his character (and just about everything else!) and that’s okay!!! :)

Going with this idea I just stated above — the 4 or 5 pages of info — KEEP IT MY FRIEND!!! I swear, half the reason ideas even come to me is simply because I just write a big info dump that has all my little ideas somewhere inside and will ALWAYS be there. I recommend maybe taking a day though - away from focusing on writing or editing - and just picking that apart. (That’s what I did the other day and it helped me out MAJORLY! and it was worth it in the end!) Maybe keep the original 4-5 pages and then copy and paste the same thing in another doc so you always have the original!

And then just go through and split ideas apart! If you start reading and see it moving into another realm of headspace of ideas, just press enter and separate the two — you didn’t delete it, it’s still there and still intact! It’s just easier to look at now because instead of two, jumbled and completely different ideas, you now have two paragraphs and portions of text that relate to their own respective idea. It definitely makes it an easier pill to swallow when trying to get yourself organized!!

This really helped me when I was in my beginning stages of figuring out Landslide ESPECIALLY the first 17ish chapter where Natia was not in contact with Easy yet. I’ve explained it before but those chapters are there because we are seeing her final days with the resistance in Warsaw and how she ultimately ends up with Easy PLUS we see who she is as a character by herself and how she is not merely an extension off of Easy, but her own character, her own person. She has her own story and her own morals and ways of going about her life that don’t even relate to Easy. Their paths just happened to cross!! :)

By getting those first 17ish chapters planned, not extreme planning though I will admit, half the scenes were very much thought up on the spot for example like Natia driving to Munich in disguise or the introduction of Zdzich — two very important scenes that show us something about Natia. (1) She’s willing to go to extreme lengths for the people she loves to ensure that in the end they are safe, even if it means sacrificing herself and (2) she has trouble realizing that there are people out there that genuinely care for her, a connection to her ultimate, unruly and upsetting past. And the best part about it is THESE WEREN’T EVEN PLANNED! So sometimes, just let the story take the reigns and your mind and just guide you through it. Sometimes it is for the best :)

If you have your basic ideas and concepts and themes for how you want your fic to eventually go, the scenes for me most of the time just appear I guess when they should. Sometimes even in the times I'm not writing, I sit theorizing and questioning and thinking and developing ideas in my mind and it's a real good exercise, so when you get back to writing, you already know where you want the fic leading in the end!

MAN I LOVE THIS QUESTION. Anytime I can provide some meta or give some insight to Natia who is just one of the best characters I’ve gotten the pleasure of working with, I’ll gladly answer!

The thing I enjoy writing about Natia the most I feel, and I’ll probably always say this, is her complexity — as a writer, her character orders a healthy challenge for me that I gladly have accepted! You don’t know everything about her as a reader and as you read each chapter, that’s how you slowly uncover and discover what she hid about herself to protect herself. There’s so many different aspects of her that I could discuss truly!! (There has been so many parts that I’ve scrapped because I read through and just think “Man this doesn’t seem like Natia!”. She’s tricky sometimes to stake down exactly how she would react because of her past and her trauma and how long she’s been in war, but I just LOVE it!)

Many different aspects of her character though, come from her past and that’s what makes her interesting. I’ve really enjoyed working with the ideology of “Chekov’s Gun”, a writing device that can be used, with how I will mentioned something and it almost might seem out of the blue, yet later it all just makes sense?! When the flashback is revealed or a small portion of her past is finally allowing *light* in. It's a device I've used with Natia that has just really helped to develop her story at the pace I want it to be revealed! :D

For example, the OCEAN is mentioned many times. I make constant reference to the WAVES, the RECESSION of them from time to time, the comparison of the OCEAN both ABOVE and BELOW surface — all of that sorta stuff! For her character, it seems a bit out of place. She’s COLD. She’s NUMB. She’s BROKEN. What does an open body of water consuming at least 70% of the Earth have to do with an OC based in Warsaw, Poland?

This is where the importance of her PAST will play it’s role, as it has a major INFLUENCE on her and her CHARACTER and her MORALS. One of the main reasons the OCEAN is inherently connected to Natia is because of her PAST and one of those main reasons is AGENT MORTEM and her TRAINING, especially WATER training. I can’t comment further on this though as readers have only touched the tip of the iceberg for the use of the OCEAN and it’s IMPORTANCE so far in this fic! (Ask me again about it once this fic is finished up for the most part, unless….by Part 4 readers understand why!)

Natia just remains a character who constantly is developing and changing inside my head - where I want her path to ultimately end up leading by the end of the fic, where I want both her mental head space vs emotional head space should be and etc. So many portions of this fic are dealt specifically on her internal monologue and how she calculates and problem solves from that portion of her sort of *engagement* within the conflict. There never seems to be a dull moment when writing her!

Another thing I really have enjoyed about writing Natia is her clashing personality traits that make her interesting to write in both different scenarios and reactions. She's stubborn yet humble. She's numb and cold but internally extremely caring and giving and filled with these bottled up emotions. She's mentally strong yet she's been through so much and let the war take so much. She never complains about what she's doing, but she's lost nearly everyone she loves. She's a fighter in this war and refuses to back down from a battle she know she can wage, but the second she is pulled from the aspect of war, things crash and burn around her. Just even these few combating sort of things, really show her character and what, through writing, has slowly developed! They always lay around in the back of my mind and it's one of the main things I remind myself when I write Natia all the tme.

I think one of the most important things I've learned from both writing and creating a character like Natia is that (1) it's okay to ask for help, about anything, literally anything. You don't have to confine everything to yourself and build up this immense pressure to do what you must to continue moving forward. It's okay to have people there to help you and support you. (2) It's okay to be strong alone and even if you seem to be the only one on the current path you're are on, it does not mean you are wrong. it can still lead to the right destination in the end!

Oooo okay! AGENT MORTEM!! I am totally down to chat about some things I've loved to write with him with and some challenges I've discovered, but as far as what I've learned from him, I will be holding off and could answer that when the entire fic is both completed and then updated on platforms....just because ;) don't want to give away any spoilers haha! <3

Something I've enjoyed about writing and crafting Agent Mortem is letting him remain as mysterious and secretive as he is for so long. Initially, I can't even begin to recall what his character would be like even a year ago, but seeing where he has developed now, I'm really happy with where he is. He's mysterious, he's shadowed, he seems like a figure in the background, a past mentor who is half deranged and lost his mind with a background with so substance. It makes for such a fascinating way to begin to reveal his past! (something I've began to insert into part 4 of Landslide and man I'm just so HYPE!)

I feel I'm excited simply because he's finally getting the time and moment he deserves to finally explain and show himself as to what has occurred. There's so many fractured and disconnected parts of what is currently going on with Natia and her connection to both Agent Mortem and then Death is tossed in the mix and it seems this big complicated mess of 'how' Agent Mortem got to be this way, 'why' he does a thing such as this, just different and varying aspects such as that. it makes for those big final reveals to all be even more worth it!

He has been quite the challenge though I will admit. There's so many perspectives he could quite possibly be viewed from and his *character* + morals/values could be pulled in a various amount of ways as well. Making sure he accurately comes across the way I want him to both appear and come across to the reader and to myself has definitely been tricky. He's not as easy as suspected, you know, not just a 'dude who had a bad day and went insane in the end', there's a whole multitude of levels and reasons and a deep, heavy and traumatizing background starting from his birth really (which is a whole other story). Managing and balancing that all in one has definitely been something I've had to keep on top of and monitor but I feel has really been worth the challenge in the end. Because at the end of the day, I'm someone looking to constantly challenge myself.

And a good challenge, whether it be writing or academics or a workout, is healthy and GOOD! That's what Landslide in a whole has really shown me, to challenge yourself daily to see where you can push yourself and your imagination and creativity, just to see where you can even go!! it's exciting and refreshing!

Thank you so much for this wonderful ask Rose! I appreciate it more than ANYTHING as you well know, and I know it's taken me *quite* some time to answer, but I've been working on it for weeks now and finally got it out because it was ready! I really wanted to take my time with it and develop it to its full potential in the end and I feel I have (without giving away any spoilers haha!) As always, please know if you have any further questions regarding Natia Filipska, Agent Mortem, Death (along with other characters of Landslide), writing, the process (my own included), tips for writing/planning, or just anything else in general, I will always be happy to help in anyway I can! You're always welcome, anyone always is!!! <3333 Thank you again, I had so much fun doing this more than anything! :D