#but the more popular version doesn't rhyme

[goforth-ladymidnight]

Fun fact: Did you know that the original lyrics to "Can't Help Falling in Love" were originally written from a woman's perspective before Elvis took it over and popularized it?

Wise men say: "Only fools rush in" But I can't help Falling in love with him. Shall I stay? Would it be a sin If I can't help Falling in love with him?

Now that you know, you can't unknow. Now go forth and suffer as I have suffered from an improper rhyme scheme.

[ghouldnight]

your könig body headcanons. please and thank you. lemme see what’s going on under there

You got it!

As always, my König is probably going to vary significantly from the popular fandom one (refer to @ghouldtime for my regular ones on him) but that's cause I love writing him as just a guy!

First and foremost, I think he's about 6'6" (at most 6'7"). The 6'10" is absolutely RIDICULOUS. He wouldn't be able to fit in most military gear (safety issue) or even things like bunks, and I believe that's about the most the Austrian military allows (dependent on branch). Plus, at that size, you get a lot of health issues earlier on typically.

I type him as a mesomorph. He's clearly more trim than an endomorph but also doesn't have a scrawniness to him. He's more like a moose build over a bear. Still strong as fuck, still like a tank, but not as 'thick' per say. Just a bit more spread out

He has plenty of muscles on him, he has to. He's hauling a lot of gear and needs to use his substantial form of his job. His clothes just usually hide those

But that's because he is incredibly active and keeps up his form

He WAS a lanky and scrawnier teen but in his older age, he's filled out

I'm NEVER going to give him very clear cut abs. He has a layer of fat over his muscles - that's just natural! And healthy! And absolutely wonderful it's so perfect

He's a big dude, he needs to eat a lot of calories to keep his weight on and to keep going. He's still very much in shape but he's got muscles under that protective layer

He's prone to losing weight when deployed because a lot of the time, what they're served and the times between meals don't cover it. It's why he might gain some extra pounds when he's at home, but that's still healthy and normal. Hey, he deserves it after the workout he puts in

Also stating, he's not some super model. He's just a guy! Like just looked up the leak version of his face model. He's not meant to be this utter stunning Calvin Klein model. And I love him that way and in all that he is

There's nothing more beautiful to me than a guy who is just himself. There's beauty in being human :)

He's a pale guy who burns quite easily. Especially seeing as he's nearly covered head-to-toe most days. Sunscreen is his best friend

He has a smattering of light freckles! They're here and there on his body and there's not really a rhyme or reason, but they're there if you look on places like his forearms and shoulderblades

Like many others who are actively deployed and find themselves in such violent warzones, he's covered in scars of different types. From bullet wounds to knife to burns, his body is a patchwork of them

The most heavily scarred areas are his arms, thighs, and abdomen. Those just naturally take a lot of the flack and he's not exactly focused on being the most graceful out there

He's an insertion specialist (not THAT kind, get your mind out of the gutter. that comes later), he's used as a human battering ram, he's going to be scarred up

There is a prominent scar on his upper lip. That's just from when he was a kid

He was running in the house, like his mom specifically told him not to, and he slipped, ate shit, and bam - new scar

(His mom will still bring it up, as mortified as he is)

His eyes are sunken and always have deep bags underneath them

Sleep evades him even on the best of days and even when most of his face is hidden, you can see the tiredness to them

They're also slightly droopy! They give him a naturally 'sadder' or hound dog look

As for the color, it's a washed out blue-gray like clouds on a winter day or like the first hints of frost in winter

He has dark auburn hair and mostly keeps it in a closer cropped cut. The buzz cut is saved for when he's working, most times anyways, unless he's particularly busy and doesn't want to deal with it

He likes how it looks when it's a bit grown out but he's a man of practicality

The carpet does indeed match the drapes - his body hair is dark auburn, if not a bit darker than what's on the top of his head

Speaking of body hair, his follows the acuminate (tapered) shape

He doesn't fully shave. Not his style and just doesn't make sense (plus it makes him itch)

He still keeps the pits and privates neatened up, but not fully shaved. He just goes with 'as long as I can keep it clean and I'm NOT feeling disgusting after sweating all day with it)

And yes, he does have a happy trail (and it is GLORIOUS)

Now for the 'down there' stuff. NSFW under the cut

He's on the upper end of the more 'normal' sized scale Sorry, being big doesn't mean you have a massive salami and 10 inchers HURT (also they're such a massive inconvenience and you're going to be more likely to suffer from things like ED)

He's about 5.1 inches soft, 7.1 inches hard - which does make him indeed above average by a good amount

He still has a nice girth to him and weight too. It's not the thickest or biggest dick ever but I'd describe it as being comfortably large

And like most Europeans, he's uncircumsized

And most importantly, he has a slight upwards curve too when he's hard. Extra nice for hitting all those good spots

And yes, he has a prominent vein running down the center of it that also makes for some nice aesthetic at the very least

The head is a lovely blush pink (and if you point it out and compliment him, his cheeks will redden and match)

The rest is still pale, but has a ruddier shade to it than the rest of him

I can't write anything about balls without laughing like an idiot fyi but yeah, his are realllll nice. Not that he shaves them but they always have a good weight to them and hey, matches the rest of him. Will always feel right in your hands, and they're sensitive too

Really, a lot of him is sensitive to intimacy. He isn't used to touch from others and often isn't fond of it.

Normally when he cums, he's going to be giving quite a load too

He's usually pent up too because he doesn't masturbate a lot. He's usually focused on other things or has more pressing matters to attend to (like trying to sleep or worrying about the best way to paint the stained glass of the church miniature he was working on)

His taste isn't on the worse side of things, he's got a great diet. Its usually thicker in consistency and is creamier than most. Probably one of the better ones to swallow

And we all know, he's got a nice ass. A muscular one, it's not like sheer 'cake' alone but the dude works out and is on the move, it's NICE

He's always a bit self conscious about his looks since he prefers keeping most of himself covered. So compliment him and tell him how pretty he is :) 💚 my beautiful boy

[positivelybeastly]

This might be a fun little project for you, and certainly for the rest of us attempting to understand Hank better. What is something that a writer should takeaway from the most popular incarnations of Hank, yes including the recent one, to write him in a storyline? Maybe even bring something new to his character?

Speaking for myself here I’m fairly curious to know!

Hmmm. Good question.

I think that there are four central tenets to Hank's character, and they're basically integral to whether or not a run understands what Hank is about.

First of all - Hank's general story arc is about the importance of making mistakes, and learning from them. This is what gives his character meaning and resonance. He teaches us that you can completely fuck up your life, and come back from it, if only you try. If only you don't let your mistakes become bigger than you.

I would argue that the worst versions of Hank, and by worst I mean badly written, get stuck on the idea that Hank is reckless and makes mistakes and he never learns from them, and the thing is, that's simply not true anymore. It was true, in the story in which he turned himself grey and furry, but that was 1975, and that story broke Hank as he existed up until that point.

This story is so good because it understands that Hank made the single biggest fuck-up of his life in that lab, and he cannot undo that mistake, and he knows that. He has no right to. His ego died in that lab. Yeah, he can get a bit conceited, yeah, he can boast of what he's done, but he learned his lesson and he should never really reach the heights of ego and arrogance that he did back then.

All he has to do to remember what that led to is to look in the mirror.

It's not dissimilar to what happens with Mr. Fantastic - any time someone writes him as this big, boastful, arrogant scientist, they are forgetting that all he has to do to remember what that led to is look at his best friend, Ben Grimm, and what that led to last time. Actions have consequences. Hank and Reed know this all too well. They know this lesson, learning it again is bad storytelling.

Second of all - Hank is about change. His character is constantly changing, not just physically and visually, but emotionally and in terms of personality, too. He explicitly talks about this in Defenders.

He's allowed to be different and change, he is, in some ways, a social mirror. He code switches. He's different with the X-Men and the Avengers and the Defenders and X-Factor and the Illuminati and S.W.O.R.D because those places are different, with different people and different aims and different needs, and so Hank becomes different.

This is why feline Beast is so fucking important to his character growth, and why it was the best place for his character to go. By the late 90s, his character had, in ways, become a little bit stale, stuck in the rut of the jokey scientist with a philosophical side, and he needed a new internal conflict, because he's matured and dealt with most of his issues about growing up and taking responsibility.

Flipping the essential point of Beast's character, and making it so that it wasn't just other people who had to get over how Hank looked to see the brilliant, wonderful man beneath, but Hank himself, was genius.

Third of all - Hank is a consummate performer. He sings, he dances, he quotes poetry, he can turn the Periodic Table into a dirty rhyme, he knows more than you do - he is constantly performing. The aggressive performance of both humanity and masculinity is essential to Hank's character, something I've talked about extensively here, and X-Force is so instructive here because Ben Percy comes so close to understanding this character point, but fails to do anything with it.

He's just so damned uncritical. He doesn't have anyone actually engage with Hank's performance, which is why X-Force is just a succession of increasingly dry monologues by an actor trying to do improv while surrounded by the rest of his amateur dramatics group who just aren't with it today.

Fourth - Hank McCoy is a good man. He isn't perfect, by any stretch, but the instant you try and make him an intrinsically bad person, you've failed to understand who he is, where he comes from, and what the entire point of his character is.

HE HAS NO DARK SECRETS.

HE HAS NOTHING TO HIDE.

I'm sorry, but Grant Morrison just understands Beast better than 90% of writers, because they understand that Hank is a complicated man, he is a walking thesaurus, he's a pile of insecurities and neuroses and mental illnesses, but he is so painfully genuine and sincere and honest. He doesn't believe in just straight up lying, because it is beneath him. He is eloquent and cultured and smart, and he believes in giving you the truth as you need to hear it.

Bendis and Percy just don't understand what Hank is. Who Hank is. He's not the man who takes murder as the first and only option. Stop making him act like him.

As for what to bring to his character? Give him a child.

It is so painfully obvious that this man wants children.

Challenging him by making him have either biological children, or getting to just straight up adopt a child, would be an excellent place to take his character. Now, granted, I understand that comic books fucking HATE children . . . but I don't care, you asked what would be a good place for his character to go, and this is it. The man deserves the chance to be a father. He'd be a good one.

[black-arcana]

LACUNA COIL's CRISTINA SCABBIA On Artificial Intelligence In Music: 'My First Impression Is That I Hate It Deeply'

In a recent interview with Brazil's Sonoridades Inc., singer Cristina Scabbia of Italian goth metal veterans LACUNA COIL weighed in on a debate about people using an A.I. (artificial intelligence) music generator as a tool to create melodies, harmonies and rhymes based on artificial intelligence (A.I.) algorithms and machine learning (M.L.) models. Cristina said (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET): "I still have to know more about A.I. My first impression is that I hate it deeply. I think that it could be interesting and useful in many ways. But what humans are capable of, it's never 100 percent good. So I know that it will go downward. I mean, we could use it to explore galaxies, we could use it to get better in medicines and science, but I know that a lot of people will be using it for bad reasons.

"Speaking about music, I am confident that the creativity that a human being with emotions, with a soul can have will not be comparable, hopefully ever, to A.I.," she continued. "I think about songs like — I don't know — the one of THE POLICE, 'De-do-do-do, de-da-da-da, is all I want to say to you.' And A.I. would be scratching the forehead, if it had one, and say, like, 'What is this? What does it mean?' But it sounds good. It's rhythmically good. It works with that voice.

"There are so many things you have to bring together to write music, to [put] emotion [across to] other people, to give the emotion that for A.I., it's difficult to bring this emotion because it doesn't have one — yet," Scabbia added. "But my actual opinion is just, like, I want to continue to write music without A.I. for a long time… Maybe it can be helpful. This is my first opinion because I don't know that much. Maybe I don't want to know that much about A.I. I just want to keep it there, just like, 'Eh. I don't know if I wanna know you.'"

During the same chat, Cristina revealed that she and her LACUNA COIL bandmates have completed the demoing process for their follow-up to 2019's "Black Anima" album. She said: "If everything goes as projected, before the end of the year [the new LP] will be released."

LACUNA COIL has just completed the "Ignite The Fire" U.S. tour with support from NEW YEARS DAY and OCEANS OF SLUMBER.

Last month, LACUNA COIL released another new single, "In The Mean Time", featuring Ash Costello of NEW YEARS DAY. The song's title is a reference to the mean times the world is living in, as well as a reference to the state the band itself is in, between cycles.

Last July, LACUNA COIL released the official lyric video for "Never Dawn". For the track, LACUNA COIL partnered with CMON, the renowned board game publisher behind the popular game "Zombicide".

LACUNA COIL has spent some of the last couple of years promoting "Comalies XX", the "deconstructed" and "transported" version of the band's third album, "Comalies".

"Comalies XX" was made available on October 14, 2022 via Century Media Records.

LACUNA COIL celebrated the 20th anniversary of "Comalies", by performing it in its entirety at a one-night-only concert on October 15, 2022 at Fabrique in Milano.

"Comalies" was originally released on October 29, 2002 through Century Media Records. The LP, which featured the band's breakthrough single "Heaven's A Lie", has reportedly gone on to sell over 300,000 copies in the United States alone.

[ilovescaredysquirrel2]

Someone PLEASE make an English Dub of Buratino's Return (obscure Russian movie)

Okay, so I heard about this Russian cartoon animated movie recently, and it's got this Wild Thorberries-Rugrats-ish art style and the songs slap! The one that's gotten really popular was the one with the singing Barbie dolls, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2CSmp02Emk in this video here (turn the captions on). I heard the name of the movie is actually Возвращение Буратино which translates to Buratino's Return apparently. It looks amazing! I love talking toy themed movies that are NOT Toy Story. It doesn't look as amazing as Raggedy Ann & Andy Musical Adventure but it looks good enough to watch and enjoy. The thing is, the subtitles on the original Russian movie, the English subtitles SUCK! I got them saying weird things like "Oh yeah Obama" when she was apologizing to the other doll, and apparently the dog's name translates to "Potatoes" which... is actually kinda cute not gonna lie! If the movie gets dubbed, they should keep it!

Yeah, so the whole "dubs vs subs" thing is ridiculous. Dubs are obviously way easier to watch and understand. If you're hearing impaired and need subtitles, that's one thing but if you're not and you want to watch a movie, it's way easier to watch a dub. Plus, subtitles aren't always accurate and sometimes make things sound more awkward. Like, the dubbed versions often make more sense. Plus, subtitles go fast and you can't always pay attention to little details if you're watching it with subtitles, it's too distracting. I wholeheartedly believe that dubs are better all the way! If you don't speak English or Russian, maybe it can be dubbed in your language too! There needs to be a Spanish dub, French dub, Japanese dub, whatever language you might speak! The only language I speak is English, so that's why I'm trying to get someone to make an English dub. By the way, the English captions for the Мой Портрет - Трафарет video were an exact translation, I feel like the dub would change it up.

My friend wondered about the songs being ruined in the dub, which I would be worried about too, but they could hire a translator and songwriter to work together and make the lyrics make sense but also rhyme. Even if it was a fan dub, they could still get enough permission and help to make it a good dub without ruining the songs.

Another thing, let's talk about this not being popular in Russia, where it was made. I mean, it came out in 2013, the same year as Disney's Frozen! It didn't stand a freaking chance in theaters! Frozen literally took the world by storm... a snowstorm, that is! (haha, funny joke). Plus, a lot of non-English spoken movies don't get an English dub until years later. 2013 was 11 years ago, but who said it's too late for an English dub. Especially, now that the Barbie doll stencil song is becoming popular online. I also haven't actually seen the full movie, I just skimmed through it on YouTube to get a grip of what it's about and apparently it's about talking toys but they have to escape from a bad guy who wants to destroy them and turn them into the same "evil" toys to create a bad future of children. I also found out that apparently Buratino is Pinocchio and I like the idea of a non-Disney Pinocchio movie, because Pinocchio has been around for like 150 years, way before Disney made it into a creepy a** animated movie and they shouldn't take copyright of Pinocchio. There's also that other Russian movie "Pinocchio a True Story" where Pauly Shore voices Pinocchio and Tom Kenny voiced Geppetto. Also, this movie Buratino's Return was animated in 2D form, when a lot of early 2010s movies were 3D. I'm not sure how that effected the marketing and who wanted to see it but I'm almost sure that a lot of people were more hyped about Frozen or other popular movies.

Here's something else I found, apparently it was also based off "The Adventures of Buratino" which is a really old story, and I think this 2013 movie kind of looks like a creative twist on that story, kind of like what Disney does, but also kind of makes fun of Disney as well. Basically it looks like they're basing a story off old fairytales Pinocchio and The Adventures of Buratino, just as Disney does, except they're changing the things about Disney that isn't woke and making fun of the things that are wrong with Disney. I know a lot of you probably hate it when I talk crap about Disney, but I always give my side of how I feel and let you have your side. With enough convincing and understanding, hopefully we can understand both sides!

Anyway, feel free to chat with me about this in the comments! I'm always happy to hear opinions, even if they're different from mine. SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS!

[laurasimonsdaughter]

Een gekke vraag: zou je variaties kunnen maken op "Roodkapje", "De drie biggetjes" en "De wolf en de zeven geitjes" waarbij de wolf buikpijn krijgt nadat hij zijn prooi heeft doorgeslikt?

Well, I'm sure it would be possible to include the big bad wolf getting a stomach ache in a retelling of Little Red Riding Hood, The Three Little Pigs, or The Wolf and the Seven Young Kids, but I don't think it would particularly add something to the plot.

Of these three tales Little Red Riding Hood has the most variations. There are versions where grandmother and Red Riding Hood both die, versions where only Red Riding Hood survives, and versions where they are both cut out of the wolf's stomach after being swallowed whole. Those versions usually say that the wolf falls asleep after having such a big meal and I suppose you could easily add in a stomach ache, but it wouldn't change much.

In several of the "cut the wolf open" versions, the wolf's stomach is afterwards filled with stones. The same trick is used in the Grimms' The Wolf and the Seven Little Kids. Interestingly enough this doesn't seem to cause the wolf pain, it just makes him very heavy, and sometimes thirsty.

In the oldest (I think) version of The Three Little Pigs (the one collected by James Orchard Halliwell in The Nursery Rhymes of England), the wolf eats the first two pigs and only the third survives. Again, in this version giving the wolf repercussions for eating a whole pig isn't unreasonable, but it wouldn't immediately change the story. Besides, there are many variations that choose to let them all live and focus on horribly killing the wolf (or fox) instead.

So unless I have misunderstood your question I don't really see a lot of storytelling opportunities here. Perhaps stomach aches don't really feature in these types of tales because the wolf is supposed to be a monster and they cannot have too obvious a physical weakness.

The only story I can think of where a character eats another character and is then physically punished for it until the victim is let out, is the tale of Ananzi and the Baboon (published in 1859 by George Webbe Dasent, in the appendix of Popular Tales from the Norse, collected from "a West Indian nurse".)

Maybe this story was influenced by the more "medical horror" type folktales with the "snake lives in person's stomach" motif. But it feels very different to me, because (just like the big bad wolf) Ananzi eats the Baboon on purpose and is then punished for it and both survive in the end. Which, as far as Anansi/Nanzi stories go, is a perfectly happy ending!

[torturingpeople]

hello ^_^

my name is nana! and this is a sideblog specifically for fallen london. here is my main (<- on that note: following + liking from nanitasheart) which is more multifandom / general

i like fallen london. and the first half of the 20th century. so expect to see some (a lot) of that here alongside whumpblr and wip stuff

my dms and asks are always open if u want to talk to me! pls talk to me lets be friends!!!! ^_^

important stuff:

my art commission prices as of 04/11/24 + comms

important note: anything i post with potentially triggering content will be warned above a cut, and suggestive content will be tagged as #suggestive, and you are free and welcome to block this tag if you do not want to see this sort of content

main tags: all posts / my ocs / favs / asks / my art / my writing

fallen london tags: ask or tag games + answers / oc rambling / fl liveblogging / kisspocalypse 2 / fake fl screenshots

specific tags: art tips / writing tips / save for later / historical photos / historical clothing - feminine and masculine / paintings / webweaving

original work tags: hilbert's grand hotel + tag

fallen london player characters:

sir edison hollingsworth: the sybaritic laureate an escort working under mr. wines in the parlour of virtue. notorious whore. histrionic personality disorder queen! actively going through a mental breakdown once a week. has major problems with his identity. but we love him. currently in self-exile in a room above a gambling den given to him by @t6fs's the scrimshander. 99% of london thinks he is permanently dead. currently in a relationship with @your-friend-s-santos's scuba intro post + tag + fallen london profile + scuba/edison tag dr. johannes harper: the soothing counsellor the neath's only therapist. dr schlomo doesn't count and he doesn't think dr schlomo counts either. he hates dr schlomo. if he had no consciense he would murder him. divorced dad and it shows /pos. someone get this man out of the neath god forbid he sees any horrors... also @staring-at-my-keyboard's atlas is his found family son that he loves very dearly and dotes on. he also hates @staring-at-my-keyboard's carlo but had some toxic yaoi with him also. it was complicated. currently in a relationship with @staring-at-my-keyboard's agamemnon (i wonder if jean likes harper? /j) tag + fallen london profile + his lamp-cat angioletto dove hartley: the volant hare a mystery! she's a little sprite of a woman who likes to write all of her letters in rhyming couplets. she'll leave you little clues for you to find her because she's all about that mystique. used to live in the same village as @staring-at-my-keyboard's atlas, and they grew up together! she does lead a normal life outside of theivery and robbing the bazaar 77 million times by running a small independent school for witches as she was raised in a family of them :-) intro post + tag + fallen london profile

miss freya tartini: the hallucinating violinist a popular violinist living with schizophrenia who derives her compositions from a demon in her mind named mephistopheles. she is in the world's most abusive, manipulative and toxic relationship with a demon named rosier steinmann (tag) and he is genuinely so horrible to her. she's very sweet though and also very girlfail but she's just a baby so it's ok. she's friends/in a very unbalanced parasocial relationship with @tequila-sunfall's ferdinand who is trying very hard to help her :-) tag + fallen london profile + rosier/freya tag

all of my non-player characters can be found here

fallen london aus:

salad spinner au tag - a crossover between my wip novella and fallen london, mainly @staring-at-my-keyboard's ocs a second nemesis tag - a second version of the ambition "nemesis" featuring @your-friend-s-santos's oc scuba and edison

my profile picture is by the lovely wonderful amazing incredible @staring-at-my-keyboard i love you so much for drawing him so beautiful <33 /p

[sillyfreakx5]

Plsplspls tips for transpolish people 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 /nf

OMG YAY HERE THEY COME :3 (they'll be biased towards western poland though) (a lot of them will also be broadly slavic / eastern european, so if you're already from that general area apologies)

uhh this is by far not an exhaustive list, just random (kinda specific) stuff that came to mind :p also will be excluding obvious ones like learning the language or whatever!

~~~

something that seems to be common in polish spaces, and I've seen a lot of polish people mention that, is the usage of 'XD'! it's used a lot by polish people, and 'XD' or 'xD' are just, yk, normal laughing emoticon, but 'xd' on the other hand is often used when something isn't actually funny, and it's just a 'meh' response / misc sentence ending / sarcastic 'haha' !!! so sprinkling that in your online usage can be helpful :3

food! there's a lot of cool polish food, the biggest classics i'd personally recommend to try are 'pierogi' (a type of dumplings) and 'ogórki kiszone' (salt pickled gherkins / gherkins in brine / there isn't rly a good english word imo), but there's a lot more options!! :D

in general, if you have access to a polish / eastern european store in your area i highly recommend checking it out! :3

idk where you live so it might already be common for you, but foraging for wild mushrooms is a relatively common activity in poland! it's something that for younger people would often be associated with going foraging with grandparents (be very careful picking wild mushrooms though, if you're not a 100% certain don't risk it!)

fighting over which brand of mayonnaise is the best is kind of a meme! (especially around easter time, when "sałatka jarzynowa", vegetable salad with mayonnaise is traditionally made). the main contestants are 'kielecki' and 'winiary'. again, if you have access to any polish stores i recommend sampling some, but if not you can just say Winiary is best if asked >:3 (shameless Winiary propaganda)

learning the swear words can be fun!! >:D "kurwa" is the most versatile one, 10/10 recommend it's very fun to say when pissed (like how you'd say "fuck!"). you can find better guides on the swears online!

TRADITIONS ARE ALWAYS FUN! it's approaching all hallow's eve, and it's custom to leave candles (usually ones made specifically for that but it's fine if you use normal ones) on the graves of loved ones. i think there's also a specific mass on usually but I'm not catholic + don't live in poland so idk (the catholic faith is popular in poland, but less so the younger the generation yk) (i recommend finding photos of cemetaries on that day though, it looks incredible)

there's also st andrew's day soon, and there's loads of traditions about telling the future for then! for example you can pour melted wax into cold water THROUGH a key hole, and when it hardens use a torch to make its shadow appear on the wall- whatever shape that is represents your future! in terms of romantic ones, you can peel an apple, and throw the apple peel behind you revealing ✨the first letter of your true love's name✨.

also there's a gay polish meme that i love: "miłość do ojczyzny i drugiego mężczyzny" ("love for our nation and for other men"). for a sapphic version you can say "miłość do ojczyzny i drugiej kobiety", but that doesn't rhyme :c

also pspsps it's very common for polish emigrants to not teach their kids polish so don't feel bad if you can't speak it / are bad at it! :]

also while you're here you should watch this video. it's fucking iconic (and showcases beautiful polish apartment blocks) (the title means "egg headshot from the 3rd floor")

[gleesongtournament]

Glee Song Tournament Update #1

I’m hoping to start the tournament on Sunday the 16th, but I will post a more concrete confirmation of the schedule once I get it 100% sorted

For now I wanted to talk about the songs that are included and excluded, and how I’ve set this up

What didn’t I included? Well the only two concrete answers were anything that was just a dance performance with the original song in the background (Single Ladies, Bubble Toes, etc), and any song that was album only with no filmed scene to go with it (Dancing On My Own, I Was Here, etc)

Some musical moments I left out might seem hypocritical. I left out songs by rival glee clubs that basically only served to show that yes, there is a third club competing, here’s ten seconds of their song (Broken Wings, Starlight Express, etc) but I included ten second snippets of songs from main characters (Respect, Mr. Cellophane, etc)

I also didn’t included (most) songs whose only purpose was to be bad or get cut off which unfortunately cuts out half the times Tina got to sing. Some exceptions are Crush (because we at least got a full studio version) and Pink Houses (which we heard enough of in the episode). But things like The Climb or Revolution will not be found here

Lastly, songs in deleted scenes. These were cut or kept in based on what I thought was more popular. I can understand someone being miffed if Santa Baby or I Want You Back wasn't included, but I doubt anyone would care as much about Oklahoma or Mr. Monotony (if you stan the latter two songs, I'm sorry). So I only kept in the ones I thought were more well known/liked

If you're upset about one of the above songs not being included, or think I'm not being fair, you should know that there will be 340 match ups consisting of 681 songs in round one alone. I only trimmed the tiniest amount of fat, and I promise there are still plenty of songs for you to vote on. But hopefully everyone can understand where I'm coming from and just accept what got cut x

Now, with hundreds and hundreds of songs in the mix, I wanted to do something a little more interesting than just throwing a million random match ups your way with no rhyme or reason. Bc 1) It could get boring and repetitive and 2) It could be harder to follow if it weren't split up in some cohesive way. That's where the categories come in

What are the categories? Generally speaking, they're the ways I've broken down the polls into themed sections. Hopefully this will make everything easier to follow, plus who doesn't love some good theming?? Specifically, the categories are...

Holiday Songs. All the Christmas songs + the one Hanukkah song. If you hate Christmas music, feel free to skip this round

Original Songs. Basically just any songs that aren't covers, whether it's the humorous or serious ones

Mash Ups. All the songs that are two songs combined

Same Songs. The songs that were covered multiple times on the show, pitted against one another. The only round that isn't matched up randomly

Tributes. Songs by artists/from musicals that the show frequently paid homage to (RHPS, WSS, Grease, Beatles, Britney, Fleetwood Mac, the Jackson fam, Madonna, Whitney, Stevie Wonder)(also the songs are from all eps, not just the one(s) that served as the actual tribute ep)

Musicals. Songs from musicals not listed in the last bullet point

Rivals. Songs performed by opposing glee clubs (The Warblers, Vocal Adrenaline, etc)

Guest Stars. Songs performed by, or heavily featuring, any of Glee's numerous celebrity cast members

New Directions. Songs performed by the main club. (Not necessarily a group number. Could be sung by half the club, or even two or three people, but as long as the rest of the club is there vibing, it counts)

Solos. Songs sung by one main or recurring character

Duets. Songs sung by two main or recurring characters

Misc. Everything else! Mostly trios, quartets, or group numbers that go beyond just ND

Of course there are plenty of songs that could fit into multiple categories. For example, "Somewhere" could fall under Tribute, Guest Star, and Duet, but will only be included in one of those. So if you think I left something out of a certain category, don't worry, you'll see it pop up in a different one later!

So I think that's all the basics so far. If you have any questions you can send them here or on my main @angelhummel

[cellobuster]

a curated selection of podcast ideas that I believe deserve a second look

a podcast where each sentence spoken has to rhyme with the previous sentence the other co-host said

a podcast where the hosts record each episode while doing an impression of a celebrity, historical figure, or figure from popular culture, and at the end of the episode attempt to guess who each was impersonating

an actual play podcast which is the green room banter during the performance of an actual play

How Much are the Bugs in my House Worth?

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Podcast

a battle royale podcast that starts with 99 hosts, who are eliminated one by one until only one is left standing

a podcasting Secret Santa, where instead of exchanging gifts and not knowing who your Secret Santa is until the day of the exchange, you exchange guest hosts and don't know which podcast they're from until you sit down to record

If You Give a Mouse a Podcast

a podcast nuzlocke run where anytime one of the co-hosts makes an error, they are released to the wild and replaced with a new co-host until you run out of replacements

a podcast where the current hosts slowly & gradually start altering their voices to an impression of their eventual replacement hosts, who after enough time has passed take the original hosts' places with the audience none the wiser

a podcast where you provide David Attenborough-style narration over episodes of other podcasts

a podcast where you ask two random guests questions about their lives, and at the end of the episode you have to guess which one of them is taller. The questions must not in any way be directly related to height

a podcast where you debate whether the nostalgic, classic film or its modernized remake/reboot is better, but it's done high school debate class style where the hosts don't get to pick which version of the film they're assigned to defend

a podcast where every episode the intro and outro music each get a half second longer while the actual spoken content of the episode gets shorter, until eventually the whole podcast is entirely consumed by the music

podcasts for the other four senses: sight, touch, taste, and smell

a Where's Waldo? true crime investigation podcast

a podcast where every episode you have to present a 30 minute discussion on a topic determined at the end of the previous episode by hitting the random page button on Wikipedia

remember Vine? It's back, in podcast form

a bespoke podcast production service that provides the full concept, scripts, and engineering for people who want all the money and prestige of podcasting without having to put in any effort

a podcast that schedules guest appearances, but only as a distraction so the guest doesn't notice as your secret third co-host robs the guest's house while they're recording

a podcast where one host accidentally murdered the other; however, they've mapped the deceased host's responses to a soundboard, and are now attempting to keep the ruse going for as long as possible

a warm up act podcast, to be played before listening to more famous and successful podcasts

The Phantom of the Podcast

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S02 E02 Pork is a sausage.

*Score changes noted in parenthesis.

Prize Task: Trendiest Item of clothing.

Richard brings in a t-shirt of the Osmonds but with his face edited over them. It's a clever joke, but a complete whiff on trendiness as the Mormon sing group gradually becomes less and less relevant over time.

Katherine brings in a pair of leggings with a unicorn fighting a robot dinosaur with a rainbow overhead. This actually isn't bad; the 80's aesthetic is pretty bullet proof and it exudes a level of non-sequitarian humor that can be pretty trendy.

Jon brings in a cardigan with a a black waist coat sewn in. He impresses Katherine with it, but outside of cardigans being a decently popular item of clothing, this isn't particularly impressive.

Joe brings in his best tie with his aunt (definitely a lie) and a small vintage car embroidered on it. It doesn't look terrible but he really needed to sell this with a better story.

Doc brings in bright red waterproof converse, or what he calls "wellies with laces." He tries to sell it by saying how ridiculous they are and that's what he finds trendy.

They all sort of whiff on the category to varying degrees. Richard's is the opposite of trendy and Katherine's is the best. The other three are largely dependent on taste.

Doc: 4 (-1) Joe: 2 (0) Jon: 3 (0) Katherine: 5 (+1) Richard: 1 (0)

VT 01: Eat me. Fastest wins.

Theoretically objective task but there is a ton of pedantry involved in how much of an egg one has to consume to "eat it." None of them eat the shell, but it's pretty collectively understood that it isn't included when you say you've consumed an egg.

Doc and Joe appear to completely consume their eggs. Katherine abstains after tasting raw egg and takes a DQ as a result The issue is that Jon and Richard both lose some of their egg to the table because they crack it into the egg-cup and it isn't big enough to hold the contents.

It's not an easy question because interpreting the task to mean consume any of the egg puts Katherine back in the game, but interpreting it to mean the entire egg DQ's Jon and Richard. Greg seems to take an intent-based approach (Jon and Richard didn't mean to lose part of their eggs and consumed as much as they possibly could) and the outcome feels just.

Doc: 4 (0) Joe: 2 (0) Jon: 3 (0) Katherine: DQ (0) Richard: 5 (0)

VT 02: Make the best music video for a nursery rhyme.

Doc's music video for Once I Caught a Fish Alive is so good that I occasionally go back and rewatch it, just because it jams. Jon's horror movie version of Three Blind Mice is a close second.

I'm not sure Katherine actually completed the task because one of the requirements of being a nursery rhyme is that it's traditional and she wrote an original song.

Richard's rendition of She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain while he's generally being mean to people is interesting, if a little confusing thematically. However, I'm actually going to give the nod to Joe, who I think achieved a level of terribleness that brought it back around to good again.

Doc: 5 (0) Joe: 3 (+2) Jon: 4 (-1) Katherine: DQ (-4) Richard: 2 (-1)

Studio Task: Using this camera, take a picture of an inanimate object that looks like you. Closest resemblance wins.

Most of them got pretty close and Richard did deserve top marks here because his is the only object that, if I saw it out in the wild, I would say "that looks like Richard Osman." Doc Brown looks a little more like Marvin Humes than Katherine does the woman on the Spanx box and somehow they both look more like their objects than Jon's 3D print of himself. Joe got two points for bringing in a toaster then dressing up like a toaster. Good bit, but unless he always dresses up like a toaster there's no resemblance.

Doc: 4 (+3) Joe: 1 (-1) Jon: 2 (-2) Katherine: 3 (0) Richard: 5 (0)

VT 03: Order the following pizza for the Taskmaster: Extra large vegetarian pizza with pepperoni and bacon, and without tomato and cheese. You may not use the following words: Extra, Large, Vegetarian, Pizza, Pepperoni, Bacon, Tomato, Cheese.

The task doesn't lay out the winning condition and all of them say one of the forbidden words at least once. They decide in studio that the best pizza delivered wins it. It isn't the fairest way to grade because they all were calling different pizza places and the task specifies that you just have to order the pizza, not receive it. As such, I'll rescore based on violations + the "bubbles" bonus point.

Doc: 2 (-1) Joe: 5 (0) Jon: 2 (-3) Katherine: 5 (+1) Richard: 5 (+4)

Live Task: Using these big chopsticks, get these potatoes into your basket. You must only hold the big chopsticks on the grips provided. The big chopsticks alone may touch the potatoes in turn. Whoever has the most potatoes in the basket after 100 seconds wins.

Richard breaks the rules right off the bat. Jon gets 11/10 potatoes which is great, and within the rules, because "these" could mean any of the potatoes on stage. Doc and Joe take zeroes because their baskets fall off the stage, but they should actually come in joint third unless the task required all 10 potatoes to go in the basket (which would DQ Katherine).

Doc: 3 (+3) Joe: 3 (+3) Jon: 5 (0) Katherine: 4 (0) Richard: DQ (0)

Final

Doc: 22 (+4) Joe: 16 (+3) Jon: 19 (-6) Katherine: 17 (-2) Richard: 18 (+3)

So it seems like Jon was heavily overscored in this episode mostly because the pizza task didn't penalize mistakes. Doc probably should have won the episode where he dropped the amazing nursery rap.

[if-confessions]

if allowed to submit, to add to the demoless conversation...

sometimes we authors do flesh stuff out and then create an intro post but not a demo yet because we want to make sure there is going to be an audience. it doesn't have to be a ton but like, why would I want to spend months (in my case) making a demo only to post it and then find out everyone hates the idea or something?

I can understand where the others submitter come from, I absolutely feel the same. Like "dang it I wanted to drop everything and play now" but my suggestion is to find those games with no demo that you are really interested in and submit asks, engage, ask questions. As an author, that is the best way to motivate and energize me so I can get a demo done.

(no need to ask for permission to submit, I get to choose what ever I want post ;) ) The no-demo discussion is has its own tag. Not sure which ask this one was referring to though...

why would I want to spend months (in my case) making a demo only to post it and then find out everyone hates the idea or something?

Oh, I don't know... maybe:

because you were bored, and one day someone gave you a link to an IF game and you thought you could try that too (<- me).

because you had something to prove to yourself (creating a game, writing a whole ass story, learning a new skill, you name it!).

because you had a story that was important to you and you wanted/needed to share it with the world.

because you vibe with the medium and love to experiment with it, and most of all... do word crimes for the lolz.

because there is a competition in a few months and you really want to join but you need a complete(-ish) version to submit, knowing you'll get feedback for it.

because life is feeling and you are afraid of dying without leaving some sort of trace in this world (small reminder that the IFArchive is a thing, that will keep hosting your complete game even after your death)

because this started as a silly RP and now you are hundreds of thousands of words deep and by jove you will finish the project not matter what.

because.

because the story is for that only one person you are afraid to share it with, so strangers on the internet will do.

because you have bottled feelings and this is the only way you know how to process it.

because your friends are doing IF and you thought it would be entertaining to join in on the fun and complain with them how shitty CSS is being.

because you want a better understanding of the medium.

because spite.

because you want to fill a nice.

because you realised there's not enough representation with your identity and you want to add to it.

because you want to make something that will make everyone hate-play it.

....

You don't need a reason to create a game. You don't need a reason to spend months on something that makes you happy or that entertains you or that helps you grow.

Like you don't need a reason to reach out to other people about your project.

~~~~~

I do have to warn a bit about motivation being fuelled only by outside sources, especially when quantified with notes and numbers of asks and so on.

Starting a whole project with the goal/hope of getting a lot of following/readership quickly will often bring a lot of disappointment when it does not happen, or pressure if it does. Changes in the amount of interaction will also happen overtime, often without rhyme or reason. You could be very popular one week, and everyone moved on the next.

I know inward motivation is hard to muster (and I say this as someone who shruggedly created mini games for fun or pushed myself to finish an update out of spite, but still crave outside approval), but it does become less hard to continue a project if you do it for yourself first.

~~~~~

As for wanting to check for interest, if you are not comfortable publishing an intro post before having a bit more substance, or prefer waiting until you could release something, I would recommend joining a writer's group or small IF server (like the Interact-IF one) and pitch it there.

[grandhotelabyss]

What do you have the most contempt for in this world, and what do you most admire?

It might be better to let this one speak for itself, to let it be or become emergent from my work. One's aversions always have their revenge upon one, as they are among the deepest parts of the self.

At one end of the literary spectrum, Ray Bradbury advised writers to make lists of what they love and what they hate, to let stories grow out of each item on the list. His pet hatred was the automobile—the classic story "The Pedestrian," a version of which I once lived on a Los Angeles sojourn, was the result—and this from a man who made the most persuasive and moving defenses of space travel (as our attempt to "guard the gift of life" and to extend life) ever recorded. Clearly the loves and the hatreds, both focused on technology, nestled inside one another in his soul: his contempt for the car, his love of the rocket. It is easy to extend the argument.

At the other end of the literary spectrum, among the mandarins, Woolf hated psychotherapists not only because she feared they were doing something to her worse than madness, but because she competed with them over the same intellectual terrain: the authority to represent and therefore to minister to the inner life. The same with Nabokov, that scourge of propaganda and of polemical art, who shamelessly puts his own aversions into the mouths of his characters:

Now I shall speak of evil as none has Spoken before. I loathe such things as jazz; The white-hosed moron torturing a black Bull, rayed with red; abstractist bric-a-brac; Primitivist folk-masks; progressive schools; Music in supermarkets; swimming pools; Brutes, bores, class-conscious Philistines, Freud, Marx Fake thinkers, puffed-up poets, frauds and sharks.

With Nabokov as with Adorno we should keep in mind that "jazz" just meant more or less "popular music," and that there's no accounting for taste. No quarrel about the bullfighter—or about the implicit censure of Hemingway. Then, though, the modern artist rounds on modern art: we may trust he was sincere in his distrust of primitivism, of the various primitivist cults of Picasso or Yeats or Lawrence, but he was a master abstractionist of the novel, was he not?—heir to Flaubert's ambition to write a novel blank as the wall of the Parthenon. No quarrel on "progressive schools." I went to Catholic school and emerged from it loathing the priests, the nuns, and the church, but now I understand that only a rigorous early education makes the child fit for adult freedom. Music in supermarkets? It depends on the music. (The other day, they were playing "Hey Ya!" in the supermarket: ironic, considering Andre 3000's turn in the supermarket-fixated White Noise.) Swimming pools are fine. I also hate brutes and bores and class-conscious Philistines, not to mention fake thinkers, puffed-up poets, frauds and sharks. (What about when poets use words that don't quite make sense to complete the rhyme? "Sharks"? But then the master may have just been having fun at Shade's expense). An exiled White Russian, like a New England WASP poet, may be permitted to loathe the scabrous Marx. With Freud, though, we run into the same problem as with Woolf, except more acutely, for isn't our mandarin primarily concerned to find himself on the same terrain as the man he calls "the Viennese witch doctor," his own work one long wallow in abnormal psychology, its end-to-end fixation on pedophilia not quite to be explained away as a moralist's metaphor for predation in general? When you list your objects of contempt, you open yourself up to being read against the grain in just this way.

And then when you enumerate what you admire, you run into the opposite problem: that of seeming to discredit the admirable by making it sound simple, banal, less interesting than it is. Nabokov's list went, "curiosity, tenderness, kindness, ecstasy," which says it all, and yet doesn't summon an image. The whole difficulty is how this is to be envisioned—and, therefore, enacted.

Back on Bradbury's end of the literary spectrum, among the working-class pulp visionaries rather than the Woolf-Nabokov mandarinate, Alan Moore said, "Love is the most important thing in the universe." So it is, but don't take his or my word for it. And don't forget all the meanings "love" may have.

In some moods, my admiration is captured only by those "who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs." (As I write on this cold November day, I have my late grandmother's mass card in the inside pocket of my coat.) In other moods I can't not admire the grand achievements, though for the sake of the rest of us, for the sake of expanding the human imagination itself, they enslaved and destroyed countless lives: building the pyramids, building the cathedrals, building the empires and the cities. And yet the whole ethical justification of the illogic of art is its refusal of such a calculus. In recent weeks, the defenders of Hamas's attack and the defenders of Israel's riposte have both indulged in the old "just war" casuistry. (I have never admired this particular Catholic idea: wage war if you must, but for God's sake don't delude yourself that such an enormous human calamity can ever be just.) They have elaborated those syllogisms which begin with the legitimate casus belli and conclude with a permission to immolate however many therefore-legitimately-collateral infants. Part of me holds such a style of argumentation in total contempt; another part of me holds myself in contempt for culpable weakness and immaturity, for my unwillingness to face facts, to take sides, to cry havoc.

I write novels; I have to stay in touch with both these sides of my character; I have to be the chameleon poet; I have to contain multitudes. I can't afford to hate or to love too much or too little. And that's all I can tell you about that.

[shiningstarlight101]

After reading Red Riding Hood I remembered there's a nursery rhyme in my language about it and got nostalgic

And then the first one youtube shows me completely takes away the final line (probably to make it more sanitised). But I'd be lying if I said it didn't annoy me lmao. Because it kinda takes away from the song?

Translated the lyrics are:

Say, Red Riding Hood, where are you going

So alone, so alone?

Say, Red Riding Hood, where are you going

So alone?

I'm bringing cookies to grandma

In the forest, in the forest

I'm bringing cookies to grandma

In the forest

In the forest, wild animals live

In the forest, in the forest

In the forest, wild animals live

In the forest

I'm not scared of the wild animals

I'm not scared, I'm not scared

I'm not scared of the wild animals

I'm not scared

Watch out there comes the wolf

Watch out, watch out

Watch out there comes the wolf

Watch out...

Now with that said, the version I saw on Youtube is by a popular Dutch nursery rhyme channel and she just took the entire final part away. Which kinda destroys the whole song imo?

Red Riding Hood is nothing without her wolf. It makes the story into a girl who just takes a stroll in the forest without a care in the world.

The song is a conversation between Red Riding Hood and a village person. It's supposed to be someone warning her, her ignoring those warnings and the wolf then approaching her for the story of Red riding Hood to take place. It shows that she might not be scared but it doesn't mean there is not danger.

Why would you take it away, it just isn't about Red riding Hood at all anymore

[cyarskaren52]

Layzie Bone. Krayzie Bone. Bizzy Bone. Wish Bone. Flesh-N-Bone. Five friends from Cleveland, OH, bum-rushed the rap game in the mid-1990s with a distinctive singsongy flow, street tales and their own unique personas. Flesh-N-Bone's legal troubles would estrange him from the group at times, but there was no denying the talents of Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. After independently releasing their debut as teenagers, the Midwestern group signed to gangsta rap godfather Eazy E's Ruthless Records in 1993. Their debut EP Creepin' On Ah Come-up made Bone Thugs-N-Harmony one of the hottest new groups in Hip-Hop.

After Eazy's death in 1995 and the release of the critically-acclaimed E. 1999 Eternal, Bone Thugs became major stars in music. One of the most popular acts of the 1990s, the Grammy-winners would go on to major success and over the next two decades, established a following as devout as any in the game. With their rapid-fire flows and DJ U-Neek's darkly melodic production, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony set a new standard for Midwest rap stardom and reinvented the art of rhyming. You can still hear their influence today. 

We ranked the 25 Dopest Bone Thugs-N-Harmony songs. 

#26

"NOTORIOUS THUGS" - THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G. FEAT. BONE THUGS N HARMONY [BONUS SONG]

Our BONUS SONG pick is a celebrated classic guest spot! "Bone-and-Biggie-Biggie" is a musical marriage that may have seemed odd at the time, but it yielded one of the 90s dopest rap collabs. 

#25

"B.N.K." W/EAZY-E

R.I.P. Eric Wright. The revisited/remade version of one of Eazy-E's darkest tunes, this posthumous collab would eventually turn up on the first Bone Thugs compilation in 1998. 

#24

"HOME"

Chris Rock (who seemed to like mocking BTNH, more on that later) poked fun at this collab, but it actually works a lot better than one might expect. Bone revisits one of Phil Collins' biggest 80s hits. 

#23

"CREPT AND WE CAME"

An unofficial sequel to their 1994 track "Creepin' On A Come-Up," it's morbid and, in a strange way, kinda beautiful. DJ U-Neek is fully in his bag, as Bizzy, Wish, Layzie and Krayzie lean into the groove. . 

DROP YOUR EMAIL

TO STAY IN THE KNOW

SUBMIT

#22

"IF I COULD TEACH THE WHOLE WORLD"

Following the massive success of "Tha Crossroads" (more on that later), Bone Thugs-N-Harmony's singsongy style became more polished and tuneful. And the best example is this melodic single from 1997s "The Art Of War."

#21

"DAYS OF OUR LIVES"

DJ U-Neek flipped two eighties classics for this one. Originally released on the soundtrack of the classic 1996 heist film "Set It Off," this Force M.D.'s-sampling (along with Herb Alpert) track became one of the group's biggest hits. 

#20

"I TRIED" FEAT. AKON

Bone Thugs-N-Harmony's biggest hit of the 2000s, this heartfelt ballad was also one of the group's biggest hits as a short-lived trio following the departure of Bizzy Bone. 

#19

"BUDDAH LOVAZ"

The Isley Brothers' "Choosey Lover" is the obvious jumping off point for one of Bone's best weed anthems. It's one of the best songs on "E. 1999 Eternal."

#18

"DOWN FOE MY THANG"

An early Bone Thugs gem that serves as one of the grittiest tracks on their classic 1994 EP "Creepin' On Ah Come-Up." That squealing opening synth doesn't set you up for the gut-checking groove that drops in. 

#17

"E. 1999"

A stellar showcase for estranged group member Flesh-N-Bone, this is an all-timer. The title track from an undisputed classic, this banger is also one of the group's most polished and distinctive songs. 

#16

"NO SURRENDER"

An early example of just how unique (get it?) the production has always been on Bone Thugs projects. It's both aggressive and druggy, it's midtempo but feels hyperkinetic. Eazy and the group have the official co-credit, but this has U-Neek's trademarks all over it.

#15

"MEET ME IN THE SKY"

One of the crew's most heartfelt latter-day tunes, it's the quintet tapping into some of their "Crossroads"-esque energy and delivering a gorgeously melodic ode to forever. 

#14

"NO SHORTS, NO LOSSES"

The gurgling slow-as-molasses guitar line and that synth-driven hook let you know what time it is. It's druggy, it's infectious, it's dark--and it might be the most slept on track in their catalog. 

#13

"AIN'T NOTHING CHANGED"

One of the more underappreciated tracks in their lengthy catalog, this standout from 1997s double album "The Art Of War" wasn't a single, but maybe it should've been. 

#12

"CROSSROADS" (ORIGINAL VERSION)

The version that appeared on early pressings of "E. 1999 Eternal" sounds nothing like it's much more famous counterpart, but the mournful spirit is the connective tissue between the tracks. 

#11

"BUDSMOKERS ONLY"

Armed with an interpolation of the distinctive rhythm from Earth, Wind & Fire's "Reasons," Bone Thugs showed that they could turn a rapturous soul classic into a 90s rap weed anthem. 

#10

"LOOK INTO MY EYES"

A haunting track that originally appeared on the soundtrack to 1997s disastrous "Batman & Robin," it's one of Bone's biggest mainstream hits and a good example of how their sound and songcraft quickly evolved. 

#9

"MO' MURDA"

The slowed down vocal and looping piano line are DJ U-Neek trademarks, and this standout from 1995s landmark "E. 1999: Eternal" is a quintessential BTNH song. 

#8

"EVERYDAY THANG"

An underrated gem from 1995s platinum-selling "The Show" soundtrack, it's a good indicator of how strongly Bone had already established their sound even after only one major label release. 

#7

"CREEPIN' ON AH COME UP"

One of the tracks that epitomizes DJ U-Neek's woozy production, this slow-roller is one of the group's most low-key psychedelic efforts. All squealing synths and syrupy basslines, it's like the Dirty South and the West Coast converging in Cleveland. 

#6

"MR. BILL COLLECTOR"

With a snippet from Eddie Murphy's classic "Coming To America," Bone Thugs flips the script and instead of rapping about paying bills, they make it clear that they're the ones coming to collect. "Yo' rent's due, muthafucka!"

#5

"THUG LOVE" FEAT. 2PAC

In the wake of Tupac Shakur's 1996 murder, Hip-Hop was reeling. Bone Thugs had this brilliant track already in waiting, and when the world heard the fallen Pac alongside the Cleveland spitters over that now-legendary, gunshot-led beat; it was like the legendary Shakur had never left us.

#4

"FOE DA LOVE OF $"

Eazy-E's most prominent feature on a Bone Thugs album and one of the singles that came to define the group. The Ruthless Records founder gave an assist to his newest proteges in 1994, delivering a street anthem for the ages. 

#3

"THA CROSSROADS"

A monster hit. A decade-defining classic. When Bone Thugs remixed their somber album cut "Tha Crossroads," they delivered one of the rap game's most iconic elegies. The fact that the Grammy-winning smash also doubled as a tribute to their fallen mentor Eazy only made it more poignant. 

#2

"1ST OF THE MONTH"

Chris Rock joked that this classic 1995 hit was "niggas sangin' welfare carols," but it helped cement Bone as the most unique hitmakers of the 1990s. Following their acclaimed EP "Creepin' On Ah Come Up," this was the song that let everyone know they were just getting started. 

#1

"THUGGISH RUGGISH BONE"

It wasn't their first single, but it was the single that announced them to the world. With an instantly-memorable hook from Shatasha Williams and those uniquely rapid-fire flows, five Midwestern rhymers shot out of the gate with a song that was unapologetically (shout-out to Rev. Calvin Butts) thuggish.

Sent from my iPhone

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 8th November

November already - this year feels like it's gone quickly! We've hit a peak density of the sort of "big name" artists that people even nowadays have heard of - nobody else has quite hit Elvis levels of fame, but they're still familiar names, especially this week's first artists.

My Prayer - The Platters (peaked at Number 4)

This is a storied song, written originally as an instrumental called Avant de mourir ("Before dying") in 1926, and recorded with lyrics by artists such as Glenn Miller and the Ink Spots. So it's got a past, but the Platters' version is apparently the best known.

As the French title suggests, it's quite a grand song, all about wanting to make the most of your time with your love, though the English lyrics make it less explicitly about dying and mortality than the French title would suggest. Still, it's not entirely gone from the song - just look at the opening lyrics, about how the singer's love comes to him When the twilight is gone / And no songbirds are singing. There's a desolate sort of finality to it. And throughout the song these references to the end of the day hang around, along with lyrics about how the singer hopes their love remain as long as we live. Which really makes it easy to read the "end of day" lyrics as a metaphor for death, and praying that your love will last until then. Heavy stuff.

Musically, it's got all the gravitas that themes like this require, starting with a strikingly slow, dramatic a cappella section, before a piano comes in with some beautiful, gradually shifting arpeggiated chords, almost making me think of Schubert's Ave Maria, or something similarly classical. The backing singers stick on a tightly-harmonised Aaaaaah throughout that compliment this wonderfully - it's all very well done, very classy.

There's a marvellous shift after this, as well, as the piano and backing singers give way to sax and brass, which gives the whole thing a slightly sultrier feel, right in time for lines about how Tonight / While our hearts are aglow / Oh, tell me the words / That I'm longing to know. It's subtly sexy, without really needing to be explicit about it. Classy, like I said.

And of course, this leads into the Big Old Finish, which for once feels well-earned. Normally I rag on big excessive finishes, a bit, but in a song like this, it would be weirder if there wasn't a ramping-up and intensification of the dynamic before the song ended. So yeah, I don't mind it at all here. Entirely appropriate levels of drama.

More - Jimmy Young (4)

Another cover, this time of a song more known as a Perry Como number. Which honestly tracks, I can see Perry selling this, with his slightly grandfatherly feel. And Jimmy doesn't do too badly on that count, either - you definitely get a sense of a well-meaning amiability here. It's a soft, pleasant sort of song, and Jimmy's performance absolutely fits with that.

Unfortunately, the song's pretty nothing-y, apart from that. It's not bad, but it's pretty cliché and meaningless as Jimmy sings about how You're more than life to me, / More than eternity, before moving onto equally cheesy lines about how I need you more each day, / Much more than words can say, and about how More than forevermore, / I'll be yours. It's boring and I'm not actually sure that last line even makes sense (?)

I think part of my issue with this, beyond it not making sense, though, is just how predictable all the rhymes are, and how straightforwardly route A the song is. It's got a lolloping waltz time rhythm, and a Disney-style chorus, and you can figure out at the start of just about every line exactly where it's going to end. It feels quite like "popular music by numbers", like you've added a whole lot of elements that are theoretically nice, but you haven't taken any risks with it, and what you're left with is quite boring and generic.

Unfortunately, Jimmy also goes for a Big Old Ending. And while it felt earned when it was the Platters, it really doesn't feel earned here, and I quickly finding myself wishing that Jimmy would just tone it down. He doesn't spend too long on it, thankfully, but I still don't love it.

Well, I think my favourite here is clear - I do so love it when the songs themselves make my job easier! One of these songs is so clearly more interesting and better-made than the other. Sorry, Jimmy - nothing personal!

Favourite song of the bunch: My Prayer