#but the moment i look more closely at my internal view of myself it falls apart

[moths-in-a-coat]

.

[mayasaurusss]

Transfem Jackie in the wilderness??

The feeling of you.

Contents: female reader, transfeminine Jackie, angst and comfort, internalized guilt, detailed descriptions of feelings, exploring themes of transexuality, 3rd point of view from Jackie's prespective, vanilla smut, gentlia described vaguely. Not really thought plot.

Words count: 7k/ about 12 pages

Author's note: As you read, this is a transfeminine Jackie oneshot. I wanted to explore themes of self hatred in many ways. Since I am not transexual, I based myself on the expereince someone in my life had to describe various moments in this oneshot. If this might be offensive to anyone, please dm me so I can edit this work. This is the first time in an oneshot where I write full on smut. This might not be very 'sexy' then, so forgive me for that. This oneshot contains vanilla-ish sex, so it might not be everyone's cup of tea. Anon, I'm sorry for the several months long wait, but I wanted to be sure to write something in character for Jackie.

To make reading easier: the italics are charcaters thoughts. First half is from Jackie's 3rd pow and second half (from smut onwards) reader's 3rd pov.

Enjoy everyone!

When you joined the Yellowjackets soccer team, you didn't expect to fall heads over heels with its capitan, Jackie Taylor.

It was a rainy November afternoon when you joined. You had seen Jackie walk around school from time to time, but have never interacted with her this close, for all it was worth, you didn't even know she was the soccer team captain. You joined the team some months after your best friend Vanessa did; she had insisted that it was fun and it would build up your confidence. So, you have joined.

Vanessa had talked about your frail character with Jackie before you joined, telling her that you were insecure in your abilities, so, after the coach had tested you, Jackie choosed to assign you the substitute position of right winger. So, you wouldn't have had to play all the time.

Right before you got introduced to the team, Jackie had talked with you. A look of worry was visible in your eyes and Jackie, even if she didn't know you all that well yet, was slightly worried. For you maybe, yes, but also that you could potentially be more of a burden to the team, if you didn't do well enough. After all, Jackie needs to have as many competent people in her team as she can. You need to grow more confident.

So, she had taken you by the arm and led you to a secluded place right outside of the field's entrance. Jackie had looked up at you and smiled kindly, "Well, are you ready to go?". You had felt incredibly scared and apprehensive that day but when you felt Jackie's hand lightly touch yours, trying to get you out of your head, you felt safe, seen.

That was the first instance of your feelings blooming for Jackie. At every game, she did not ever forget to encourage and praise you for your actions. Even when you didn't perform well, you knew Jackie would always be there to make you feel better.

To her surprise, a year after having joined the team, you were almost a completely different person. Confident, strong and willing to stand up for herself and others. Jackie did have to admit that your change was more than welcome. She could never say it out loud, but whenever she saw you in the changing room, her heart skipped a beat. Of course, Jackie had to maintain her reputation at school.

No one, besides her parents and Shauna, knew that Jackie wasn't who others thought she was. Since she was a child, she had felt like she was missing a core part of herself. It was when she met Shauna that everything changed: with her, Jackie had confessed her worries and secrets and in exchange, got the help to finally become her true self. Her parents weren't as supportive as she thought they were going to be. Sometimes, she saw her mothers sending glances in her direction, which she couldn't decipher as worry or disdain; but she didn't care.

In an attempt to finally convey that image she built of herself, upon entering her new school alongside Shauna, she had seduced Jeff, one of the guys she found less ugly. She wasn't able to fully explore herself before jumping hand in hand with him in the relationship.

The first time and only time she and Jeff have had sex, she didn't dare to make him look. Somewhat, she managed to create an excuse to not strip and only get him off. It was a rather boring and disappointing night. But she hadn't left him, in a way Jackie still felt some kind of odd feeling when she was with him. She couldn't tell if it was love.

This is why she couldn't show herself shy when she was near you. She couldn't risk her image, people would talk if they saw her behaving in a flirtatious way towards you, and Jeff would leave. She knew he was probably cheating on her, but as of right now, she couldn't worry less.

Jackie feels her mind slipping out of consciousness time and time again. She can vaguely feel what is happening near her, bodies bumping on her shoulder and light dimming lower and lower until, behind her eyelids, she can only stare back at the darkness.

Shauna wakes her up, and she's not sure she's completely herself at this point. Her body moves before her mind can process what's happening and just mere seconds later, she falls hard to the forest floor. Just as her cheek comes into hard contact with the naked soil, her mind registers what's happening. Jackie looks behind herself to see something that shakes her to the core and will for the years to come. People, her teammates flooding away from the main entrance of the plane, all gushing out like droplets of the leftover alcohol of the red cup she had drank from last night, at their last party.

Jackie struggles to get back to her feet, her legs giving just as she gets up. Shauna is there, she holds her and runs her fingers on her face, tracing over the bruise that has begun to form. She searches for your face among the others and finds you clutching at your left leg, a scar running down your hips.

Jackie's eyes follow as Shauna gets back into the plane and a feeling of dread fills her heart. She knows that if she doesn't help Shauna, her best friend will die. When she enters into the crashed death trap smoke fills her lungs and her vision. She searches for Shauna, finding her fiddling with something behind her shoulders. For a second she considers slapping Shauna, telling her that she's an idiot and taking her back, but when she hears Vanessa's desperate sobs her brain is filled with fear and horror and something akin to bravery. Her hands brace on either side of the seats and summoning a bravery she didn't know she had, along with Shauna, Jackie manages to open a window of opportunity for Van to slip out. Once the fresh air fills her lungs again and her brain is awake, Jackie searches for you.

Misty had hastily put together various bandages that ran down the entirety of your leg, blood already seeping out and darkening the cloth. Jackie can't even register that she has you in a death grip until she feels your chest moving on hers in an attempt to get more air in your lungs.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- '' her words get cut off as you push into her, already wettering the neck of the blue and yellow jacket she wore. Your throat bobs and tears fall from your eyes ``I, I'm scared". Jackie holds you to her chest, sobs threatening to leave her body, "Me too".

The smell of fire and pine needles filled the air around you, the tall trees shielding your view of the night sky. Hours after the disaster, you were surprised to find yourself enjoying your teammates' jokes near the campfire. You would have expected to feel this happy in another situation, but there you were: laughing in the dark night with the corpses of your old friends already starting to decompose back into the deathtrap. Jackie had insisted on sitting near you along Shauna. She kept to herself, having to maintain that image of her authority. Maybe she could be the one aiding the team to take a stand against nature. But in the aftermath of saving Van she had let her selfishness surge again and had protested against her cleanser being used as a sanitizer. She didn't mean to, the words left her mouth before she could understand the gravity of the situation. This wasn't what she was prepared for, her mind wasn't prepared enough to survive, to see the lifeless bodies of her own friends burn and decompose under her eyes.

Jackie had gotten silent for some time and her mouth had tasted the tears that were threatening to fall, but when she had felt your touch linger on her hand, a feeling of calm panic had washed over her. Your eyes stared into hers, understanding, saying 'I feel you, I understand you' and her heart ached. The fear was still clawing at her heart but she tried to subdue it in favor of quietly looking at you, trying to breathe through the hurt. Unbeknownst to her, Shauna's envious eyes had watched the whole interaction with anger boiling over the surface.

That night, Jackie dreams. She dreams of the last game, the leather of the ball comes into hard contact with the white metal of the goal and bounces back away from her and the other team wins. She dreams of a world where she and Shauna are now in her room, sad and bitter, but not here. Not on a cold night. She dreams of a world where she comes back to Jeff, he comforts her by kissing her cheek and whispering sweet, fake nothings to her. She dreams of him finally admitting he cheated, of a world where after months of sadness and thought, she manages to confess the strange feelings she has whenever you're around. She dreams of your lips touching hers.

If only... if only she didn't score, maybe...maybe...

The morning had come by fast, a pale light shone down from the trees and greeted their painful awakening. Jakcie had fallen asleep the night prior cuddled between you and Shauna. All the team had cuddled closer during the night in an effort to maintain as much heat as possible. The soil was scattered with clothes, remaining junk food leftovers, branches and the mechanical remains of the plane. And when she woke up, Jackie had panicked. As quietly as possible she had begun to hyperventilate, the reality of the situation finally kicking in. In an effort to keep calm, to get comforted, Jackie hides her face into your chest and lets her tears fall freely. In your sleep, you cling onto her and for a split moment, her heart bursts out of her chest. It feels like her rib cage has suddenly tightened on her organs and her body has been set aflame. She couldn't feel like this. She shouldn't. And why with you of all people? Why you, and not Jeff? Why you, and not Shauna? What is in you that makes her poor heartache, even in the most desperates of situations? Nevertheless, Jackie allows herself to feel and falls right back asleep. Reality can wait for some time.

When the bodies had been buried and were beginning to dissolve into the earth, a heavy silence had weighted on the team shoulders. At least they could rest in peace, for the rest though only chaos was waiting. Jackie had never been so scared in her life. So, when Taissa shouted that she had seen a lake nearby, Jacki couldn't believe it. Or, more accurately, she was scared of leaving. What if the rescue team came just as they left? And what if they didn't find them? She couldn't afford to lead her team into another hazard. so, when almost all of the team agrees to go, Jackie feels betrayed. It's stupid and selfish but she does, especially when Shauna raises her hand in favor of leaving. Without too much thrust, Jackie follows. She steps away from Shauna and walks with you, helping you move your leg on the uneven forest floor.

When she spots the shore, a sense of wonder and happiness fills her for the first time in hours. With her help, you manage to speed up to the lake. There, a realization dawns on her. She hadn't told the others that she was 'different'. No one here except Shauna knew. What would they have thought of her? "Aren't you going in?" she heard your voice ask her. "Uh, I- I don't know..." she stammers out. Her eyes widen when she sees you changing out of your dirty clothes "Well, I'm going. Misty had said that the water might cleanse my wound, but she never talked about lake water" Jackie vaguely registered your response while her eyes were still trained on your figure. "I hope there aren't any germs there" you lose the branch that supported your uneven walk in favor of trying to get out of your pants.

"Hey Jackie... I know this is weird to ask, but can you help me out? I can't crouch low enough to pull them off" her heart skips a beat and almost automatically, she starts to undress you out of your pants. She's sure her cheeks are a bit more red than usual. "Ah, thank you. Are you sure you're not coming in?" she doesn't know, she isn't sure. But she so, so wants to be there with you. "Uh yeah just, just let me change and I'll be there".

Jackie's eyes follow as you dip into the water. Vaguely, she can feel her blood flow in her body faster than normal, but she dismisses it. When she nears on the shore, as quickly and as carefully as possible, Jackie strips out of her clothes and watches for any unwanted gaze. When the cold water crashes on her skin, her body begins to cool off and that thirst she felt has been quelled. Now she reaches you and guides you to deeper waters, careful to listen to any signs of discomfort from you.

That's how you spend the rest of the afternoon: splashing each other with water, resting on the rocky shores of the lake and gossipping. The everpresent eye of Shauna watching your every move. When Lottie had spotted something in the distance, everyone had been on the move, hoping to find a new shelter for the night. And they did. The cabin was decrepit. Its roof was slightly slanted, vines and vegetation covered the wooden walls; but it worked. It could work. When she entered, a smell of mold and old plants had hit her nose. She found a can of green beans and when attempting to open it, her hunger preceding the thought that maybe she could have preserved it, she was greeted with the sight of many greenish beans swimming in a gray pool of liquid.

On the other side of the room, some of the girls are checking out one of those old sex magazines. Natalie calls out to you "Hey look, this girl kinda looks like you" and right then and there, Jackie crumbles. "Nah, she doesn't look like me! You have a shitty sight Scatorccio '' the team's eyes all gather to one point in the page, some let out whistles while others comment on it. "So, are you like this gentlelady under your clothes?" Van jokingly teases you "Guess you'll have to discover it yourself". Despite thinking she's above this, Jackie steals a glance as she walks out. And it's true, that woman did look like you, despite some differences. And now, Jackie has to deal with yet another problem.

She feels her body shift without her wanting to and heat spreads through her lower abdomen, begging to be put out. She walks out of the door fast and follows a trail behind the cabin. There, she tries to calm down but to no avail, images of you fill her mind and she feels her shorts tighten. Jackie lets out a grunt of discomfort: the situation wasn't exactly the most comfortable one to 'rub one out'. She looks back at the cabin, it's far but still in view: maybe here she can take care of herself with no prying eyes watching.

Jackie slips out of her shorts and starts to palm at her length. She tries to think about Jeff, about Shauna, even about her celebrity crushes, but nothing works. Everything morphs into you. So, when she finally gives up and allows herself to fall into your image, she finds that her body is already at the brink of release. She feels your hands stroking her skin, the tension releases out of her shoulders and your voice whispers reassurances in her ear. "Let it go" and she falls from her high, her legs give out and the skin meets the hard ground. Her gaze falls to her hand. Oh god, what have I done?

The afternoon lights had started to shine through the trees. After taking care of her little problem, Jackie had come back and sat on the wooden porch at the side of the cabin. This can't be real. It can't, right? Her heart aches far more than she realized. She doesn't belong here. She is angry, sad and terrified. This isn't real.

Regret, both for the plane crash and for what she had just done. Did she really jerk off to a friend in the middle of the forest, right after what happened? God, how could she be so disgusting? So careless? People died and all she could think about was fulfilling her own needs. Like always Jackie, you always have to be the center of attention. You couldn't even let your teammates have a peaceful rest, you just had to think about yourself huh? Can you even feel something, anything for others? Do you have anyone else in your mind except yourself?This just shows the utter scum of a person you really are. You waste.

Back at home, everyone always counted on her. She was the voice of reason, the one person who could bring different people together under one team. She had been the one to create the Yellowjackets, to care for them, to nourish them. She knew she was selfish, selfish and stupid, but she really tried. Jackie didn't mean to be this much of a fucking liability, but she couldn't help it. This place, these people, did they even think of her as an equal? Or did most of them fake their appreciation for her? She didn't mean to be a bother, trying to fix the old music player instead of doing the chores, but she needed desperately to not think. Please, for the love of God, get me out of here.

Days, months have passed and winter starts to tighten its cold hands on the Yellowjackets. All of them know. When winter comes, they might die. Every night, the last breeze of autumn comes knocking on the door in the form of the Grim Reaper, begging to be let in. To join the fun. For how much their determination is worth, nature has a sick way of playing with its prey.

They don't have to think.

That's why Jackie had hosted a seance in summer, to distract them. And that's why she decides to host a Doom Coming. Death is already at the door, so why not having fun in the last few weeks of their lives? And her life is just a mess. Jackie feels as if all of the world's faults weigh down on her shoulders. She's sad, bitter and angry: sad for Laura Lee and her unfair death, bitter at Shauna and Jeff, and angry at the world.

Finally, night has fallen. The sun is lowering down the horizon, the cold air nipping at the skin, but she tried to ignore it. The camp smells of leaves, fire and earth. It's almost calming. Laughs and wind and fire crackling fill her ears. Jackie sits on a log which acts as a stool and closes her eyes.

Right now, when everyone is partying, she allows herself to be vulnerable. In the months following the summer, Jackie had come to care less and less about what others might have thought about her if her secret came to be known. So her facade had finally started to crumble.

Jackie sat on the log, her legs spreading far apart, her back hunched and with her face in her hands. She knew the others would look at her and make fun or feel sorry for her, but right now she didn't care too much. A quiet whine left her body and trickles of tears staining her cheeks. Something moves at her right side and she jumps up to see you holding two makeshift wooden bowls. "Hey, thought of giving you this. You haven't eaten at all".

Maybe she doesn't want to. Maybe Jackie would rather die, her body to be eaten by the people she loved most and then dissolve into the earth, broken apart by nature and scattered like a constellation. "I... I am fine" she mutters into her hands, trying to mask her sobs.

"But you're not Jackie. You're so not fine; don't you think I can see that?" she's taken aback by your teary eyes burning a hole through her heart. You push the tears back in and hand her the warm bowl of soup. "I am scared too, Jackie. We all are. But at least, just before the end...won't you try to be happy?" and you know that asking her this is stupid and pathetic, but you too need to push reality away. And Jackie doesn't have enough strength to deny you. "...You're right", she takes the makeshift wooden spoon and dips it into the brownish soup. She lets the earthy flavors fill her mouth. "This isn't half as bad as I thought it would be'' Jackie smiles as she sets the bowl down. A giggle leaves your lips as you stand up, your legs feel wobbly and your skin starts to feel uncomfortably hot. "Say... you wouldn't want to have... a dance with me, would you?" words slurred, you try to pry Jackie out of her log and she happily complies.

Jackie feels strange. She isn't in total control of her body, her mind is foggy, her body moves slowly and lazily. She looks at you with lovey dovey eyes, as if you are a goddess on earth who came to relieve her of her pain. She doesn't even care that Mari's and Alikah's eyes are on both of you; as of right now Jackie only sees you. But now her mind is playing tricks on her: she sees you on her bed, naked.

"W-what?" and now that discomfort is back again, twirling inside of her stomach. "What is it?" Jackie can only feel her body stiffen once again, swaying 'Uhhh shit'. "I- I, don't worry!" but you insist with that look on your face that she can't resist. "What? What is it? Are you feeling ill?".

Shit!. "N-no I-" it's almost like her brain can't form any coherent thought anymore. Why? Why now?!, you get closer to her, an inch from her ear "Do you need something?" God damn it. "I need to- I need-" Jackie stops dead in her tracks as she feels your leg accidentally pressing on her groin. Shit! No! No, no, no! Why?! What is wrong with you?

You look down to see something puffing under her dress. What the heck was she hiding there?. It takes you a moment to understand what it really is, and when you do, you let out a small 'ohh' of understanding.

"Do you have something to tell me?" and Jackie feels embarrassed: embarrassed, guilty and disgusting. How could she have those kinds of thoughts for a friend? She's no better than Jeff, she's no better than them. "I am so, so, so sorry please, please I' didn't mean to-' ' you cut off Jackie with a shush, take her hand into yours and guide her in the forest.

You lead Jackie through low tree branches and vines, through bushes and dirt until you stumble in a beautiful clearing. Hidden between the thick branches of the pine trees, away from the cabin, the uneven forest floor becomes flat, the trees give away to green grass and moss and flowers. On the way, Jackie had noticed strange scrapes on the trees, like a knife had cut through the bark.

"This is where I come when I'm overwhelmed. I found it while having lost myself after going to get the water. You remember that day I didn't come to the cabin after dark?" Jackie nods, waiting for your voice again "I actually had been walking on circles, some feets away from the cabin I took the wrong turn and ended up in the wrong place, here." From your pocket, you fish out a small cutting knife, an old candle and a couple of matches you had stolen from Dead Guy's stash. "Luckily, I had this with me" you gesture to the knife, "If I hadn't, I'm not sure I could have come back". You let your things fall to the base of a tree, forgotten. "So," you say as you sit down and pat the ground next to you "mind explaining what that was?".

Jackie feels as if her blood had become ice cold; she's terrified, so much so that she's stiff and can't bring herself to sit near you. "Come here" she awkwardly lets herself lay on the ground with her legs tucked under her body and away from you.

"I- I am..." throat closing in on her words, she takes a breath and gathers all the courage she has left in her heart "I wasn't happy once. Before. I didn't realized it once, Shauna helped me understand. Sometimes I faked begin happy just to see the people near me happy. To see my parents happy. But once I started to put my own happiness before, I understood". Jackie feels as if a block of ice got stuck in her throat and it's preventing her from speaking clearly.

"For the time we have left, I will continue begin myself. I- I don't care what others think of me" and maybe that last part was a lie, maybe she does care. Every human need reassurance. But when she says that, she's looking directly into your eyes, with determination. A smile graces your lips and Jackie feels as if she has died for a moment and her soul reached heaven "I understand you" which is far better than any 'okays or 'alright's she has gotten so far. "Y-you do? I thought, I thought you would be... grossed out", silence fills the air and Jackie's breath hitches, waiting for the final blow at her heart. "You could never 'gross me out' Jackie, why did you even thought about that?"

"I really thought that you might-" Jackie's words die engulfed in your arm, her head cradled on you, "You are safe with me". Something in her, a cage, breaks into million shining pieces and lets her heart beat red blood into her flesh. Jackie feels as if the old cruel world broke and left space for a new, shining future, one she shares with you. She weeps into your shoulder, finally understood, happy, euphoric, free from her own self and from the world's expectations.

You let her weep into you for some time, the sky's color changes from the purple and orange evening glow to a light cobalt, the stars already starting to show.

"Now, I want to ask you something else..." your cheeks feel suddenly hotter, thighs closing in on themselves. Jackie listens to you, and you're suddenly very interested on your hands. "That... thing that happened back there... why? Why did it happen while we were dancing?". Ohh shiiit.

Jackie feels sick. A ball of nausea forms in the deepest parts of her stomach and reaches out to her mouth. For a second, she feels like she will throw up. "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry I forgot, I-" and now, emotions and feelings of the past months come crashing down on her heart. And when she parts her lips, it is too late to stop.

"I... like you. I do. I've felt like this for a while now. Back there I don't- I don't know why I felt like that and why it happened, but t-that's not like me at all! I- I am-" but the silence that follows is enough for Jackie to stop. Right then and there, she knows she has lost you. "I should probably go..." she says to you; Jackie's muscles move to follow her torso but your arms hug her shoulders before she can escape you. For a moment she's confused and almost thinks an animal might have tackled her to the ground, but when she feels your touch on her cheeks, peace fills her heart. You lightly trace her small skin marks under her eyes and lean down to kiss her. In her eyes billions of stars shine and in her heart, billions of stars explode. Her body is lighter, almost made of condensed air. It almost feels like a sin when she touches your hand: like if her fingertips could dirty the beautiful soul in front of her. "I want you too" you say to her, a whisper. Now she truly is gone.

Jackie kisses you back with a passion you didn't know she had in her. Everything is forgotten: the dirt of the soil, the rotten cabin, the looks of the others, the touches of Jeff, the desire for Shauna, the desire to run from the world. Here and now, Jackie is at peace. Finally at peace, after months of hardship. Her heart beats and her blood runs, and she's happy. So, so very happy.

When you leave the kiss, Jackie feels lightheaded. A dark feeling inside of her screams to stay, to take, to devour. She takes you right back into her arms, clinging to you so hard that you're sure your bones will snap. The kiss becomes raw, hungry and dangerous; all lips and tongue and teeth. Her hand cradles the back of your head and with the free hand, she claws at your shirt. There is a feeling blooming inside her groin and stomach; she wants to devour and be devoured. You get rid of your clothes and discard them aside. Now Jackie can see you in all your beauty, skin shaded by the blue evening night.

It's getting dark.

"Maybe, maybe we shouldn't..." Jackie whispers in your mouth but makes no effort to stop. Your hands find her soft skin, you cradle her head upwards facing you, "Let morning come". Your hands find Jackie's skin underneath her dress and her breath stops, she tries to gulp down air in her lungs but they feel tight. Your hands are just so soft and she feels so good, so right here with you. For the first time in a while, she doesn't have to be in charge of anything. For the first time, she can be her whole, broken self without needing to be something she's not. With a trembling voice, Jackie asks you to help her out of her dress. The cold air hits Jackie all at once, making her shiver but she is too caught up in you to care. As soon as the dress is off her hands are already on your skin, touching wherever they could. "I- I want to..." but she couldn't find in herself the strength to say what she wanted, needed to do. Instead, Jackie decided to crash her lips into yours again and rest her hand on your back, atop the clasps of your bra, a silent request. The dizziness of before had almost worn off by the time you were bare before her. A breathy sigh left Jackie's lips "Wowza...", you couldn't help but let out a giggle "Really? 'Wowza'?".

"What?! I couldn't help it..." her words trail off when her gaze falls to your chest. Fingers come down on you, caressing and touching and groping at every inch of skin she finds. She props you up on her lap, trying to relive the pain of her hardness starting to show. It's almost embarrassing how desperate she is, her cheeks are flushed red, her eyes unfocused and watery. Jackie's lips circle your nipple, biting and licking and sucking and tugging at your skin. Jackie's length gets harder and hard by the minute, for every time her name falls off your lips. All the uncomfortable and guilt has gone, leaving behind something dark and primal. She starts to hump on your ass while continuing to suck on you. "Oh, I see someone is eager" and all that confidence she had goes right out of the window, her sober self comes out more embarrassed than before "Oh- gosh I'm-I am sor-" but she is shut down by your grinding down on her. "Who said you could lead tonight?".

Oh shit I'm so into this.

"N-no one..." her voice came out shaking with excitement, the prospect of the night and all the scenarios playing out in her head.

"That's right, you deserve a break" not as sexy as she would have wanted, but this is fine too. More than fine. She was tired of feigning leadership. Your hands fiddle with the waistband of her underwear, feeling around the skin of her waist. This feels like a torture to Jackie. "Please, I-..." she meets your hands and tries to grind into you. As teasing as ever, your touch skims right on her thighs, squeezing and stroking her skin. "Tsk, I thought you wanted to be taken care of. Maybe I should stop?".

"N-no! No, please I will be good I promise". Jackie settles back against the earth, her puppy eyes looking up at you with the fear that you won't touch her anymore. "That's what I wanted to hear". Finally your fingers dip under her waistband and pull, freeing her after what felt like an eternity. Now, the both of you are bare against each other. "What do you want me to do, Jackie?" after some thought, Jackie says, "I... I want to taste you... Please....".

Now you take her place, laying down on the earth. Jackie watches you with adoration while her fingers start to travel downwards. Her fingers part your legs and she kisses the skin of your thighs, just mere inches away from where you need her the most. You whisper her name, wanting her to get on with it, to please you. At that, Jackie dips into you. After months of desire, it feels like heaven on earth. Her fingers tease your clit, circling it multiple times before moving down. But you're not prepared enough for the intrusion. So, Jackie starts to suck on you. She's so attentive and shy it makes you want to cry. You ground on her face and hear her letting out a whimper, she's getting pleasure from this too. When you are wet enough, Jackie's ring finger teases your opening and enters. You have already done this before, but it pales in comparison on how Jackie is making you feel. Almost like a shock running through your body and a wildfire spreading in your limbs. And you are sure that if Jackie continues, you will combust on the spot. Finger flicking your nipples, tongue occasionally joins her fingers to lick up your slit, eyes always fixated on your face twisted in pleasure. You look under her to see her free hand stroking her length quickly, white wetness dripping from it. "I- I am about to..." but your words die in your throat. When Jackie comes up again, the lower part of her face is covered in your release, she's still stroking herself. "Please, please I need it, I need it" she continued as she came closer to you. "What do you need Jackie?" she whimpers, desperately humping into her hand "y-you please. Your... mouth".

You smile at her, reaching to tease her length but just a few movements of your hand are enough to send her over the edge. Jackie gasps when she comes undone, her hands tightening over your shoulder. "O-Oh God I, I usually last way more than this..." you snort at her, "Hm? Way more?". Her brows are furrowed, cheeks red with embarrassment "...ok, a bit more". You decide to stop teasing her and reach down, sucking the last drops of her release. Her moans encourage you to get on top of her, legs straddling her hips on both sides. Slowly, you began grinding down on her.

"Oh... I like this'' Jackie moans in your mouth, hands exploring every inch of your skin. After what feels like an eternity, you line up Jackie's lengt with your slit, sliding it from under you on purpose and meeting her hips. "Please... stop teasing..." she lets out a grunt, her hands rest steady on your hips and she begins to drag you down on her. You like this double sided version of Jackie. All her dominance goes straight out of the window when she enters you. It takes an unholy amount of strength for Jackie to not start pounding in you, and to keep herself from coming too fast. She pants as if she's shoulder deep inside a pool of cold water, shaky. It's the first time she has reacted this way to having sex. Usually, she could keep a cool, passionate demeanor but she's so excited to do this with you. It feels different from any other casual sex encounters she had.

You still above her. She has reached the deepest point she could, cuddled between dark and hot and wet. It feels too much to you and you rest your head on her shoulders, trying to catch your breath. She is so delicate with you, whispering sweet encouragements on how -"you take me so well", "You can do it" and "I like you so, so much"-. You're the one that starts to move, surprising Jackie who was still in the middle of her praise. Her breath hitches when she feels you move on her, slowly and methodically taking her to the tip and all the way back. This is perfect.

You rest your hands on her shoulder and hers rest on your hips, guiding you back and forth on her. The grip is tight enough that you can feel your skin bruise under her touch. "Fas-faster please..." you try to comply, bouncing on her faster than before, but your legs feel wobbly and uncertain. When she sees that you can't go any faster, Jackie trusts up into you and meets your hips with force, bouncing you up and down. "I-I'm sorry I' can't go slower..." it feels so good you can't really complain about it. Now you have regained enough strength to meet Jackie halfway, both of you lost in a frenzy of pleasure. She's loud, almost yelling and in the back of your mind, you are terrified someone might come and take a look, but another part of you is thrilled at the prospect of begin found out. You are a bit shocked when Jackie's hand comes down on your ass, but you don't complain. If someone walked past you, they would immediately understand what was happening.

The only sounds that can be heard in the forest are your whimpers, moans, the slapping of skin, wind and chirping and, a little farther, yelling and rabid howls of creatures that resemble humans. But that is not important right now. Your minds are too lost in pleasure to think that, in the dark corners of the night, something could wait for the chance to pounce on you.

Jackie starts to move faster than you can keep up. She moves so you lay your back against the dirt and face her. She brings your leg up and opens the space between your thighs more, allowing herself easier access. She begins to pound into you, faster and harder and sloppier than before. She has no rhythm left, no care, only pleasure and the need to relieve both herself and you in her mind. She grabs your leg hard, not letting go in fear that if she does, you might vanish into thin air. "I am close, I am gonna-" she doesn't want to cum, not right now: this moment should last forever. But she can't hold herself back anymore.

From the dark, a pair of brown eyes had spied on the both of you. Shauna was hungry and her hunger was so grand that it made her vision, her brain and the world around her blurry. She was chasing Travis, along the others but had been left behind when she heard sounds coming from behind some bushes. Her mouth had watered thinking it could be an animal but she got let down when she realized the sounds were coming from you. Her initial shock had been replaced by annoyance. She had so hoped to get something beneath her teeth, but to no avail. Then, hate had bubbled its way through her veins and into her heart. She hated you at that moment. The both of you. Shauna couldn't understand if she wanted to be with Jackie or in between you two. Sure, she thought of Jackie before, during the night hours but she hadn't dared to make the first move. And then, when Jackie had gotten with Jeff, she was hellbent on having all of her. She did realize that there was something sparking between the two of you after the first few games, but she kept quiet. She imagined herself, between bodies. Skin and sweat and kisses. She thought of taking Jackie's while kissing you, of guiding your head down, of bending Jackie over and-. Her stomach growled. It was loud enough she could clearly hear it, but not enough for you two to get suspicious of anything. That fantasy of hers would never happen. She retreated back into the dark.

Jackie is moving fast against you, hips slapping repeatedly up on yours and hands reaching every little bit of skin she can. From deep inside her groin, she feels something snap. She's not gentle with you anymore. Something raw and angry has taken control over her brain. Jackie slipped out of you and snuck behind, her arm lifting up your leg before entering once again. In this position she can reach deeper and move faster. She's being too hard on you. A scowl appears on her face when you try to slow her down by slipping from her grasp, "You- you will, you will stay here a-and take-" growling, her fingers grip at your flesh again, harder this time.

A knot snaps inside your guts and without managing to yell a warning, you release on Jackie's. She feels you dripping down on her. Your coming prompts her to do the same: Jackie gives a final long and hard thrust and leaves you empty, releasing on the soil.

She falls on top of you, spent "O-oh wowza. That... that felt amazing". You laugh at her "Again, 'wowza'?! It's not sexy Jackie" she mumbled something back at you and then hid her face in the crook of your neck. You're silent, now left with the remnants of your lovemaking and the constant presence of death looming over you. A faint trace of cold is coming out of the earth and down on you. "What do we do now?" she asks, embracing and shivering against you "Did- did we do something bad? What's gonna happen now? We will all still die-" her voice hitches. She's crying: tears fall down your skin as she nuzzles on it. You take her hand, tracing patterns on it, "We will manage".

Days later, when Jackie finally confronts Shauna, secrets get spilled. Of affairs, of grudges that lasted years, even of your lovemaking with Jackie. She had stormed out of the cabin: just like she feared, everyone had turned on her. Jackie watches the fire, cold seeping in her bones and her mind getting groggy. Shauna walks to Jackie, hand embracing her best friend's back. "Come inside" you say, your features and voice replacing Shauna's. In the back of her mind Jackie wants to preserve her dignity: walking back into the house would mean to admit that she had lost the argument; but staying out here could kill her. Jackie follows you, gripping at your arm tightly. Everyone is asleep; you lead her to rest on one open spot near the fire, finally hugging her cold body to yours. "Rest easy" and she doesn't need to be told twice, falling asleep right away in your arms. Next morning, it was snowing.

[eeboshmeebo]

🤜 Malleable Mochi 🍡

Tried out writing a fierce but domestic reader character... don't know how well I did. No beta, like always.

It was nearing December already, despite it feeling like September had just passed. How time flies, huh?

You pondered over it as you nibbled on your snack, scrolling through HeroTube videos mindlessly until you saw a video with a thumbnail that featured a cute porcelain rabbit, a wooden pedestal with wax paper and ornamental decorations on it, and most importantly...

Mochi. In a small corner of the thumbnail, there was even a mochi cut in half to display the dark adzuki bean paste filling and the gentle yellow chestnut, which was supposed to look like a full moon at night.

Maybe it was too late for the harvest moon festival, but who cared. It looked tasty, easy, and, well, when Monoma came back, you could make it with him after measuring out all the ingredients.

That sounded good, and besides, there's been enough of fall spices and peppermint going around. Time for a change of taste!

================================================

Monoma sighed after closing the door behind him and putting his casual jacket on the clothes hangar, finally back home after a long day of hero work and paperwork. Both were tedious and enjoyable (more the hero work than the paperwork), but he did need something comforting...

"Sweetheart, I'm hooooooome~!" He yelled, hearing his voice echo in the house's walls before he heard your response.

"Honey-buns! Come to the kitchen, I got something I want'cha to help with!"

"Alright, I'll be there in a second!" he replied to you, smiling wistfully to himself as he palmed the small ichigo* daifuku he bought on the way back. A small treat for you, but judging by the smell in the house, it'd be in the fridge for a little while.

He took off his shoes and walked to the kitchen, to be greeted with...

You, who had portioned out the ingredients already and were in the process of cooking them, were mashing the adzuki beans you had just boiled (evident by the pot in the sink that was slightly steaming somewhat) with some sugar using the potato masher that, honestly, had gone forgotten for weeks until now. You didn't seem to notice him yet.

Seeing this, Monoma crept up behind you slowly and every so silently, internally anticipating your reaction as he inched closer and closer...

"I can hear your watches jingle on your belt, honey-buns."

"Tch..."

Oh well, he'd get you next time. He wrapped his arms around your shoulders, resting his head on the crook of your neck as he admired the view.

"So, what're you making? It smells better than I expected."

"Mochi! I saw a video online, and watch your mouth. I only burned that popcorn once because I hadn't made it for a while!"

He cried out in mock-pain as you bit onto his cheek gently, leaving pinkish shallow marks on his face that'd fade away in minutes.

"Ah, my darling, you disfigure me! How will I show myself on the streets now that my face has been rent asunder?" He put a hand on his forehead, leaning backwards and away from you with 'despair' on his face.

He slipped.

You scrambled to put the bowl on the counter to catch him right before he hit the ground, his heart racing from the surprise scare. Your heart was evidently racing, too, from how you were dry-laughing from stress and from the scare he had just gave you.

"..."

"..."

"...I'm sorry..?"

"You better be, dumbass..."

Then, you kissed him fiercely, allowing his stress to melt away along with his fear that just spiked for a few moments before you pulled away.

"You're so lucky you have a kissable face, or I'd have punched you already."

"...pfft- hahahahaha! Oh, don't worry, Kendo does all of the physical lecturing for you so you don't hurt your pretty hands on my head."

He then threw the most lovesick, puppy-eyed look he could muster. Monoma loved how your blush rose onto your skin despite the fact that you were still mildly angry, and how easy it was for you to give in.

Eventually, after five or so seconds, you sighed and placed the half-mashed bowl of bean paste into his hands.

"I'll deal with the mochi. Don't slip again, okay?"

Your tone was rough, but your eyes gave away the worry and the mild annoyance you felt as you stormed to the stove and took out the freshly-steamed mochi from the steamer in the pot, hissing from the heat as you hurriedly placed it on a large cutting board caked with rice flour.

Monoma grinned as he stood up, mashing the beans as he looked over.

He saw you punching and folding the mochi dough quickly, as if you did this multiple times before. Or maybe you punched and slapped a training dummy so many times it translated into mochi-making skills.

Either way, his eyes sparkled with every punch you delivered and every blow you landed, even if you stopped sometimes to cool your hands down, that he eventually finished mashing his own beans but was still doing so even if they were already done.

"I love you, sweetheart."

"Love you too, honey-buns! Now, help me make some mochi, eh?"

================================================

You sat on the couch, nibbling on some slightly lumpy mochi as your head laid in Monoma's lap while you watched TV with him. The show on was something about a pink-haired guy and a white-haired guy with a blindfold and they were supposed to be very important, but right now, your focus was locked on Monoma.

Who was dozing off right now, and there were a few more marks on his skin. You had bitten a bit too hard earlier after you both were done making mochi, but it was fine.

This was the life, nibbling on slightly warm mochi and savoring the sweetness of affection and sweet treats. And a good kiss on the cheek every few minutes.

[*Ichigo is Japanese for Strawberry]

[Apparently this rabbit's name is Daifuku, or something close to it. It's cute so I kept the GIF.]

[shadowjax]

Moonlit

Cassandra Vole x M/C, Cassandra Vole x Reader

A03 Summary: Now that the tournament is over you can finally enjoy the closing ceremony festivities.

A/N: I got a little inspired by the fireworks show and the music. The visuals in this game are so good and we come to a close on the 4th year. Yes, I know about the game transfers, but it's still bittersweet.

*Shares are appreciated* 1k words Divider by:@saradika-graphics

You find yourself sitting on a bench on the edge of the black lake. Fellow students have gathered to watch the fireworks and listen to the band perform. The moon illuminated the night sky behind the castle. There’s distant chatter all around, and many of your friends are celebrating with the international students. You were glad the tournament was over, the stress of that and classes led to more one-nighters than usual. Thankfully the eyeshadow, poet in the night, you wore hid the bags under your eyes. For the celebration you dressed up in your Hogwarts Heritage outfit and styled your hair in a Streaked wolf cut dyed black with blue ends look.

You turn from the lake view and search the crowd to find Cassandra standing alone in the tree line. Making your way to her, you hadn’t seen her since she was released from the hospital wing earlier that day. She wore a matching outfit, obviously, the accent colors were green matching her house. Her hair was styled a bit differently like the streaked braid style, rather than letting her hair hang off her shoulder it was pulled into a loose braid that that sat on her right shoulder. The top part is styled in a volume wave that flows to one side while the other is pushed over her ear. She also wore a green bow in the center of the back of her head.

Her emerald eyes meet yours the moment you reach her peripheral vision. “You’ve cleaned up nice, for a commoner.”

“Wow a compliment, have I really outdone myself?” You do a little twirl, earning a small smile from her.

“You surprised me during this competition. I overheard what happened with Viggo…” Crossing her arms she leaned against the tree.

“Most muggle children fight with their fists so I guess you can say I had the upper hand.” You laugh at your own joke and hear a long sigh leave her lips. “I wonder if he knows what Ilvermorny wouldn’t exist without Hogwarts.“

“In the end, we came out victorious and showed you all aren’t so average after all.”

“What a year.”

“Yes, speaking of Ilvermorny. We still haven’t talked about when Violet was impersonating me. Did you honestly think that was me!?”

“Yes, I’ll admit you-she was acting a bit strange. In my defense, I hadn't had a good night's sleep and was functionally solely off pepperup…"

She cut you off by grabbing your tie and pulling you towards her, “Don’t ever fall for that again.”

Eyes wide and awake you reply, “Yes Cass.” She gently lets go of your tie and you adjust it back into place.

The choir behind began to sing your school’s song. You remove your glove from your right hand and hold out your previously injured hand to her. She takes your hand leading the two of you to sit on a nearby bench in the back. Sitting hand in hand she leans on you, her head resting between your shoulder and neck.

"You should really get a good night's rest, that eyeshadow isn't fooling me."

"Now that you are no longer in the hospital wing, I can rest a bit easier." You glanced at your conjoined hands, your thumb tracing the back of her hand. A feeling of disgust entered the more you stared at the injury that spread across your entire arm.

"Stop it." You separated your hands for a moment and wrapped your arm around her, nestling in closer.

“I'd like for all of us to have one year where no one is in any danger. I know we haven't faced anything on the same level that Harry Potter went through. But I would like to not have to worry about everyone's safety or watch my back at all times. Now that NOTME has been making more appearances and the breakout in Askaban…" You felt a hand on your cheek, pulling your direction to face Cassandra who was now sitting up.

"How’s your arm been? I noticed you were using your left hand to perform incantations.”

“Thankfully Professor Flitwick has been very patient in helping me relearn.” Your breathing subsided and your heart no longer felt like it was going to explode.

“This may be a bit late but, what are your plans for the summer?”

You forgot that the summer was just around the corner and everyone would be returning home. “I’ll be waiting tables at the Three Broomsticks. I plan to visit the city of London a couple of times to do some sightseeing. And of course, I’ll be stopping by at the Vole residence so someone doesn’t miss me too much.”

“You are not to mention ever again.” She playfully smacked your knee. “Knowing them they won’t stop pestering me so you better show up more than once this summer.”

Over the winter break, Cassandra invited you to her home after deeming you unfit to take care of yourself over the break. It wasn’t uncommon for you to neglect self-care and overindulge in your studies, but this year in particular was extra challenging with the tournament. Before the break started she barged into your room, unsure of how she got in, and scolded you for the state of your room. Rightfully so since you hadn't left your room in weeks, only leaving to get food and occasionally shower. It wasn't the worst state she had seen you in, recovering from your injury last year had been much worse, but it was one of your lower moments.

“Cass, I’ve been making to ask…” You were cut off by the sound of fireworks echoing in the air, you’ll ask her later. You look around to see everyone watching the fireworks dance in the night sky, literally. These past four years have flown by and you have made so many unforgettable memories.

As much as you wanted to relax there was this underlying feeling of nervousness. The OWLS test would be coming up next year, NOTME seems to be making themselves more known again, and you weren’t sure if your WB account would transfer over to NetEase?! Worries aside, as long as you had your friends by your side, there wasn’t anything you could not handle.

[wanderingthroughsands]

I. Things we can’t control

Maybe I'm going crazy You're looking at me like we just had a fight as I'm waking I know it is hard to let go The things that I have said as you lie in bed til tomorrow I keep my secrets tonight

– "Don't believe your dreams" by The Burma

„Becca, you are a lifesaver!”

Usually, when I arrive at the office early in the morning, the rooms of our editorial department are still hushed, with only few voices to be heard. In Venetta Publishing we start our day by powering up the equipment (and waiting a few minutes for it to be fully operational), exchanging brief pleasantries, and savoring coffee from the small café on the building's ground floor. And it is precisely this coffee that seems to be what saved the life of my internship supervisor, Veronica Craig.

"Thank you so much", Veronica said with a broad smile as she leaned over her desk to take the cup from me. "And I promise, this is the last time I'll ask you to bring me coffee. I don't want you to remember this internship that way."

"I've already forgotten about it", I replied, smiling, as I took my seat, placing my own cup and bag on the windowsill behind me. "Besides, what kind of intern would I be if I didn't do this at least once? Isn't that what we were made for?"

"Not here."

Our desks were arranged in an L-shape, giving me a perfect view of her profile as she leaned back in her chair and almost reverently took the first sip of her drink. I decided to use the moment to turn on my computer, which, as usual, stubbornly ignored my commands.

"You wouldn't believe the morning I've had!" Veronica continued after a moment, visibly relaxed just by holding a cup of coffee in her hand. "And what a night! If it weren't for Martin and his extremely important meeting this afternoon, I'd probably have taken a sick day."

"Why, what happened?" I asked, still not looking at her, but at the ever-blinking loading icon on my screen. I swear, just entering the password on this machine should earn a degree in computer science.

"Luke stayed over last night", I thought I heard this particular note in her voice that involuntarily brought a smile to my face. Noticing it, Veronica quickly added, "But that's not the reason for my distraction, young lady! At least not the only one. I was plagued by nightmares all night."

"Nightmares?"

"The worst ones! As soon as one ended, another began, as if they were determined to torment me. The last one was so intense that I woke Luke up and wouldn’t let him fall asleep until morning, just to avoid going back to sleep."

I tore my gaze away from the computer and finally looked at her closely. Despite her makeup, she indeed seemed tired, if that could even be said about someone as energetic as Veronica. Her eyes were smaller than usual, and the few wrinkles on her forehead suddenly appeared more pronounced.

"Do you remember what that last nightmare was about?"

"The doomsday", she replied instantly, involuntarily adopting a serious tone. "I was watching the world fall apart. Pieces of buildings were being sucked into a vortex hanging in the sky, streets were tearing away from the ground. I knew it would pull me in any moment, but there was nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. So I just stood there… and waited."

"Didn't you and Luke watch some horror movie or another 'documentary' series on conspiracy theories before bed?" I asked, sketching quotation marks with my fingers.

Veronica responded with a lopsided smile.

"We had more interesting things to do", she said, making me snort and shake my head, exchanging amused glances with her.

"You know what?" I said after a moment of silence, as Veronica once again clung to her coffee cup. "Next time you have a nightmare, try to remember this conversation. Think of me and how you told me the doomsday was just one of your bad dreams. It usually helps me to rationalize my dreams like that."

"I read a similar piece of advice online when I couldn’t sleep, but I’ve never been able to pull myself out of a dream."

"Then I'll help you", I said, putting on the most endearing face I could muster. "Just look at this friendly face; how could you have nightmares when you see it?"

"Let’s not forget this friendly face brought me coffee today! A true remedy for a nightmarish night and a nightmarish day!"

Venetta Publishing became my second home just under two months ago. After several unsuccessful job interviews, I ended up applying here just and quickly started to learn the entire publishing process from Veronica and a handful of other editors. It might not have been the fulfillment of my college dreams, where I imagined myself in a large, thriving editorial office, but day by day, I grew to appreciate the intimacy and almost familial atmosphere of this place. Every day around noon, someone would go out to bring lunch for everyone. The couple who ran the business were demanding but also very willing to share their knowledge. And most importantly, I got to work with words, helping aspiring writers, who longed to one day see their publications on bookstore shelves, to make their dreams come true.

Living with my mom allowed me to afford this job. My earnings were enough to pay off my student loan and contribute to the household bills, so it’s safe to say I was living much like many other young people still searching for their perfect path.

I tried so hard to be happy with a life I built for myself. I found satisfaction in conversations with colleagues, in my mother's pride, in meetings with friends, in occasional dates...

But that constant sense of fear and anticipation, the sense I could never forget, always drew my mind back to the world of the night, to the endless loops of dreams and nightmares, where I could finally do what I really felt best at—awakening.

After a full day of work, I usually took the train home, followed by a bus that dropped me off almost at my doorstep. That day, on my way back, I was talking on the phone with Alyssa, a college friend, about her upcoming wedding and choosing a destination for the honeymoon. When I got to the apartment, mom was already there—sleeping on the couch after what was evidently an extended shift at the hospital.

"Rebecca?" She murmured, hearing the sound of the lock turning in the door.

"It's me", I replied, instinctively lowering my voice. "Go back to sleep; I'll just put away the groceries and head to my room."

"How was your day?" I could barely understand her through the massive yawn that accompanied the question.

"It was fine. Veronica gave me a few sample chapters to review. Get some rest, mom, you have another night shift tonight."

"I know, I know... I just wanted to see you for a quick minute."

I sighed softly and knelt beside her with a gentle smile on my lips. She was loosely covered with a blanket, and the messy bun she had hastily tied before leaving yesterday had left no trace. Despite her exhaustion and demanding job, she still looked very young for her age. My gaze wandered over her delicate face, then to her work uniform, which she hadn't taken off upon returning home, finally settling on the ID badge pinned to the front pocket of her apron. Meredith Surrey, RN.

"My beautiful girl..." Mom smiled broadly and reached out to touch my face. "I left dinner in the oven for you, in case you're hungry."

"Thank you. How was hospital today?"

"Rough shift", she replied, briefly closing her eyes. "We had three victims of a car accident; apparently, the driver fell asleep at the wheel. He was with his five-year-old son and unfortunately... That sight really got to me today, you know? The father will never fully recover, and when he finds out his child didn't make it... Maybe that's why I just had to see you now."

"Mom..." I felt like working as a nurse constantly reminded her of my accident, which she had taken much harder than I did. As far back as I could remember, it had always been just the two of us, and my mom had always worked hard to ensure I never view it as something negative. It was thanks to her and only her that our life was so good and peaceful.

"Try not to think about it anymore; there was nothing you could have done to make the situation better."

"You're right, dear. What happens to us is so unpredictable; sometimes there's literally nothing we can do..." I didn't respond, so mom smiled again and added, "Go eat something and rest, you definitely need it. I'm taking a day off tomorrow, so maybe we can spend the afternoon together?"

"Sure", I said, standing up. Before leaving, I tucked the blanket up to just below her nose. "But for now, sleep. You still have a few hours left. Should I wake you before nine?"

"No need, I've set my alarm. I'll come say goodbye to you before I leave."

Between returning home and locking the door behind my mom, I spent most of my time reading—first the sample chapters from Veronica, then a book that had consumed most of my free time over the past three days. As night fell, a familiar sense of anticipation began to build, urging me to put my reading aside. Just like before every night full of nightmares, a new energy surged within me, so distinct from the usual mundaneness of daytime. I felt... excited. Alive. Ready.

I lay down in bed in complete darkness, listening to the muffled sounds of the street and the upstairs neighbors' TV. It was nearing eleven, and the fatigue was beginning to make itself felt. I rubbed my eyes, as if trying to rid them of sand, then yawned and settled comfortably on my pillow.

I knew perfectly well what would happen next. I couldn't wait for it. Falling asleep was, as usual, accompanied by a sense of anticipation, mixed with just a touch of fear. For a fraction of a second, this feeling reminded me of the couple from the park, who over the years had become somewhat hazy and unreal in my memories.

And then the nightmares began. I passed through them as if moving from room to room, extending a hand to the troubled dreamers, creating passages for them to the real world. Some nightmares lasted only a few seconds, while others seemed to stretch on for hours. Periodically, Every so often, I would take a break in the green world I had found myself in right after the accident – there, I rested on the grass and watched beautiful, peaceful dreams unfold. Yet, I would return to the nightmares fairly quickly, knowing I was needed there. I woke people of all nationalities, creeds, children and the elderly, women and men, pulling them out of their own terror, showing them the way to wakefulness. Some freed from the nightmare themselves as soon as I convinced them that it wasn’t real. Others I guided personally, offering help and reassurance. This night was no different from the others, during which I kept fulfilling my personal mission of awakening. That is, it wouldn’t have been different, if not for…

Fiddler's Green, as some of the dreamers called this place, was invariably peaceful and warm, like a summer afternoon. I wandered through it leisurely, searching for the next door to the next nightmare, just as I had the very first time. Time itself flowed a little differently here, allowing me to meet hundreds of people in a single night and give each one enough attention. And within the Fiddler's Green, I could ‘rest’ from my duties  and let my mind drift away a little bit.

And it was here, for the second time in my life, that the feeling returned – the rustling bushes in the forest, the overwhelming tension that directed my gaze between the trees.

A man with dark hair, his skin as white as snow, emerged from the forrest with a slow, calm stride. Just like that day in the park five years ago, he was dressed in a long, black coat that gently billowed in the wind, and as he approached, he looked straight into my eyes. In his dark irises, I saw true infinity, as if he held the entire universe within himself…

But I saw something else too, something that made my heart suddently beat even faster – a threat.

"It was a challenging task to find you, Rebecca Surrey", he said in a deep voice that could crumble rocks. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him, and though I desperately wanted to take a step back, something held me in place.

"It is not very challenging to hide in the world of dreams, is it?" I replied, trying to sound as calm and confident as possible. „Most people do this every night.”

He smiled, but there was absolutely no joy or amusement in that smile. In fact, I couldn't discern any emotions on his face – yet I had the overwhelming, crushing sense that I had never before been in greater danger.

"You only hide when you have reasons to", he said, each word bringing him closer to me until he finally stopped, so close to me that if I were taller, our faces would almost touch. "No one of your kind should interfere in other people’s dreams. That is why I cannot allow you to do this any longer."

"I don't really come here on purpose, at least I hadn’t when I first appeared here.” I said. „It all started with the accident I had five years ago. And with... seeing you."

"Me?" A flicker of surprise flashed in his eyes, but only for a second. "Rebecca Surrey, what you do endangers both your world and mine. And if it's not stopped, it could cause permanent damage that even I will not be able to repair."

"Stopped?" Despite the fear slowly creeping into my stomach, I still couldn't look away from his eyes.

"It truly saddens me." He tilted his head, as if observing a capricious child. "You are an anomaly. A threat to the Dreaming; a threat that must be eliminated for my realm to remain intact."

"Then show me how to stop appearing in others' dreams. Believe me or not, I don't want to hurt anyone or cause destruction; I only wanted to help. But if my actions cause any harm, I'll give it up right here and now."

"Even if you stop interfering with nightmares, your unexplained power is too great for me to allow you to live with it.” He replied. „Harmony must be maintained, and you, Rebecca Surrey... you disrupt the harmony."

He reached out to grab my shoulder, but I immediately recoiled. A dark shadow passed over his face as he saw me retreat.

"You do not want to challenge the Dream Lord," he said coldly. "You would not succeed. I’m only doing what I must to keep both my world and yours safe."

"I’m sorry then, Dreamlord" I replied, gathering all the strength inside me that had always helped me wake up, "but I just can’t let you do that. You will have to find another way."

I clenched my eyes shut, and when I opened them, I was lying in my own bed again, gasping for breath, overwhelmed with fear... with the mysterious man's statuesque face still etched in my memory.

[cafecourage]

The Tree of Legacy - Chapter 1

Prologue - Next Chapter

Throughout life there has always been a gentle breeze that followed me. It was always leading me forward towards discoveries. It would often lead me to adventure and into trouble with my parents. However, the forest seems to be like a second home. More often than not the forest hides secrets for me to find. History of a time long past the Calamity that plagued the land 500 years ago. There was so much to discover even with the limited time I was given there was no way I could do everything.

Which is why when I awaken in a black void deprived of most senses. I was more than just worried. The gentle wind that ran past me did nothing to calm my nerves, it was leading me to somewhere but my body couldn’t follow. Everything felt so heavy. Despite having gone through this process time and time again, this part always lasts the longest. But I learned to not fight the dream.

After a minute I was able to open my eyes. I was on the soft ground and surrounding me was a vast forest of teal bioluminescent plants and lighting bugs. A small green fairy came into view. Slowly I lifted my still heavy arm to have the fairy land on my hand.

This was new.

The wind picked up trying to pull me to my feet. I didn’t like this dream. But from experience, I begrudgingly knew I had to go through the motions if I wanted to wake up.

A sigh left my body as I stayed on the forest floor for a moment longer before finally getting up. The fairy flew around my body before nuzzling me. I awkwardly held my hand near it to return the hug. She let go of me so I could follow where the wind was pulling me along.

Soon the Sky-view temple slowly came into view among the foliage. I wasn’t sure how I knew of this temple's name and with how many times I’ve been here there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that's what it was called. The Skyview Temple, echoed the dream around it, it was a forest type theme dungeon not that hard but not too easy. Stepping up the quartz staircase the door was already open and the wind was welcoming me inside.

The temple itself only had one floor, but it makes up for it with the huge size of its rooms. The beginning was contested by a small network of gloomy passages where luminescent plants and fungi grew. And a lot of its internal structure was like the outside, broken apart and in ruins. The puzzles themselves were simple enough to figure out. Mostly because I had to go through this dream ever since I turned 10. This was the only dream I have even had.

‘But why does it seem like something was different?’

I looked next to me where the fairy was as I thought this. One change to a plot line can lead into the butterfly effect. That concept was the very foundation of the theory on why Hyrule’s history got mixed up before the Hero of Wilds. The fairy noticed me stare and chimes in confusion. I just smiled and continued forward focusing on the task at hand. This last room houses a large chasm I have to crossover by walking across vines. Taking a deep breath like always settling nerves. I stepped onto the vine.

Taking it one step at a time.

Taking caution to look forward and not down if I could help it.

Making sure I kept a level head.

I was so close. Almost to the end.

‘Chime~!’

A breath caught in my throat as I flinched and lost balance. I was so close.

Reaching out I dug my fingers into the stone. Pain shot through my fingers into my arm. The wind slowed me down. Looking up I didn’t manage to fall that far.

Maybe 12 inches. Probably more. Most likely a lot more.

Not so bad. A lie to calm my brain down.

This is fine. It was not.

Climbing up had me thanking the goddesses for not letting me fall all the way to the bottom.

When I got to the top I flopped over onto my back. Finally letting out a sigh. The fairy fluttered over and let out a sad twinkle as to say sorry. I just ignored it and focused on catching myself. Thoughts swirled inside my head none which I could actually understand despite the one thinking it.

Butterfly effect huh?

If this was the thing that will stay consent in this dream now, I wouldn’t be too mad. I could learn not to flinch so much.

But that wasn’t the end of the temple. No, there was still the last room.

And Him...

I didn’t want to see him again. But there was little I could do in this situation. It was ether go to him or risk him coming to me. The latter I fear more.

Getting up from the ground once more for this dream, I went to the last door crouch down and lift it open. Letting the fairy go first and having the door close shut behind me.

The sound of the rushing waterfalls greeted me as I walked into the open-air room. Despite it being a spring there were trees growing in the deep dark waters. Pillars lined the walk away that ended a few feet away from the giant goddess statue towards the back which was framed in the middle of two grand waterfalls. In front of the statue was a man with his back turns towards me. A man that I have always seen in my dreams. I didn’t know his name, but he was blond and dressed in a green tunic, cream pants, brown boots, as well as a red scarf and golden shoulder armor. He had an authoritative aura to him. I couldn’t ever hear what he had to say to me but his posture and spirit alone put me on edge.

I paused mid step halfway on the path.

He wasn’t alone.

Why wasn’t he alone?

I look around. On each side of the man, facing me hovering above the spring, were nine other people, each with similar features. Yet, unique enough to tell them apart.

I knew these people. I had seen them before, in the corner of my eyes growing up. How are they here?

They’ve watched me grow as a person. Confusion always coming across their faces as they watched me coward away from them. They were supposed to be hallucinations.

Dreams from my teenage years never had them in it, only the man in the red scarf. Panic started to rise in my chest.

I didn’t know how, but I knew them. I somehow knew them more deeply than I can comprehend. Why they are here in front of me.

The wind hit me with so much force that I finally stumbled forward to the edge of the platform. For once the wind was pushing me towards something I did not want.

Questions of why, and how weren’t coming out.

Words failing.

I couldn’t breathe.

I wanted to wake up.

I can’t do this.

The man with the red scarf finally turned around. The platform beneath me was beginning to crumble causing me to lose my footing. His blue eyes piercing into my soul as I finally fell head first into the watery depths.

Darkness engulfing my vision.

Then I hear it.

A booming voice.

A voice that demands attention, authority, respect finally broke through to me after 15 years.

“So, you’ve finally decided to connect with my spirit?”

Link hits the wood floor gasping for air. That was not the start he wanted for today, but it was what he got. A special type of dread started to stir in his gut. Call it a sixth sense or just straight anxiety he wouldn’t really know. Link stayed on the floor of his bedroom fully aware that something will go wrong that day.

The man’s words echoed in Links ears.

Who was he? What spirit was Link supposed to be connecting with? Its not like he wasn’t already forced to see 11 other separate ghosts that he now realized weren’t hallucinations. He wasn’t the goddess chosen hero if that was what that one was implying. That person was already found. There weren’t any other people that had connecting spirits ether. Unless this was a new thing that Link didn't come across yet.

His head started to hurt.

He doesn’t really want to push his luck with Hylia today.

Deciding to stay on the floor for a few more minutes, Link tries to ground himself back in reality. He feels the sun on his face, it must have been warm out today. The dark oak floor was starting to warm up the room. The soft chatters of the morning started to rise in volume helping drown out the dread. Link started to make a mental list in his head of everything he had to do that day. There wasn’t necessarily much to do, however the two things he had on his plate this day were really big things.

One was his normal lecture that was starting in an hour and a half, it was a History of Hyrule’s Heroes coarse. In reality Link let’s his students have full control of the class and what they want to learn. Then almost immediately after he finishes up, he needs to meet Zelda at castle towns train station and head to the Serenne Station in the Tabantha Frontier to go take photos of the Forgotten Temple. There was something that was bothering Zelda about the old ruins and since Claus was out not coming back until later that night. So, the only other crazy person to go with her was Link.

With one last sigh. Link gets up from the floor and stretch’s his now sore back and neck. It was time to start the day.

It wasn’t that much of a walk to get to the Academy. Castle Town in itself wasn’t that big but it was still a bustling city, it was the main capital of Hyrule after all. Travelers and adventures alike come here for its history and legends while there are debates on which legends where real and which were made up is still up in the air.

One thing is certain.

When Hyrule is threaten a hero will rise up and defend the kingdom. The most recent Hero was 500 years ago. The Hero of the Wild sealed away the calamity known as Ganon away finally with his princess Zelda.

[liskantope]

[Content warning: a bit of emotional doom-and-gloom-posting.]

I don't quite know how to rate my different levels of emotional state in anything close to rigorous psychological terms. But I do feel like for me my level of happiness and emotional well-being falls in this very weird place were on the one hand, I have what I think would be called a pretty high happiness set point (I'm not actually sure what "happiness set point" is supposed to mean and have only ever heard it used by occasional online rationalists, but I think I'm probably using it close to correctly?), as in, my hour-to-hour, day-to-day existence generally feels pleasant enough, I'm able to at least moderately enjoy plenty of things in the immediate moment and there are enough of those moments to get me through the week, I don't think I come anywhere close to fitting the profile of someone with depression or someone who hates their life. While on the other hand, my longer-term view of the current and future state of humanity, and of my own future, has never been bleaker and more hopeless; it continues to hit new lows and sometimes feels close to unbearable to ponder too directly. And the aspect of it that concerns my own future comes with a deep existential anxiety that clouds my relatively happy everyday existence.

(Relatedly, during the period 2.5-3.5 years ago things looked and felt mostly worse in the immediate present for obvious pandemic and political reasons, but now that a lot of the related crises seem to be mostly past us and things are pretty close to "back to normal", for whatever reason I feel worse in a much more profound way about the state of humanity and the world. I wonder how many others feel similarly.)

So I think on the outside I'm an energetic and fairly cheerful person, while some other more internal part of me is constantly bathed in some low undercurrent of dread and uncertainty and temptation to despair which I have to fight a little to keep at bay, the main method being to distract myself with pleasant and productive distractions. When I'm idle and/or alone for too long, the underlying dread and uncertainty start to take over, and I just can't let it take too strong of a hold.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll just wind up sustaining this balance for the rest of my entire life, where I'll never get some of the most basic things I've always wanted and I come to more and more deeply dislike the way the world is in general, but I can just keep myself busy with pleasant and/or engaging things and get through it mostly fine.

[the12thnightproject]

Chapter 38: Impasse - Time is running out and everyone is wasting it by arguing.

Shingen x OC; Kenshin x MC (Mai)

Previous Chapter: Here

Logline - Disguised as a boy, Katsuko finds herself working for Shingen, but her dangerous masquerade becomes difficult to sustain when she falls for the man with a fatal secret.

I was an (over) active child, and an adrenaline-chasing teenager. As such, I’ve never been a stranger to blood. But until the moment I saw Shingen trying to hide the blood he was coughing up, I’d associated blood with an obvious injury. From scraped knees to arrow wounds, blood was an expected outcome, and the treatment was a bandage or stitches.

There’s no bandage, no treatment, for blood from an unknown internal source.

Paralyzed with indecision -I tried to make myself think of… do… something… anything, until finally I rushed back to the corridor, grabbed the first page I could find and asked him to, “get Yukimura… or Sasuke… Kenshin… anyone.” Then I hurried back to Shingen’s side, put my arms around him and held on as if my embrace could shelter him from his disease.

“Sounds worse … than it is, Devil,” he said as he gasped for air.

It wasn’t the sound … it was the blood.

Yuki skidded into the room, took in the situation at a glance. “I knew it.”

“What should I do for him?” This was so far out of my area of expertise that I was close to having a panic attack of my own… which would help no one. I gritted my teeth and promised myself that I’d find a private time and place to have a breakdown later.

“Get him to the futon.” Yuki ducked under Shingen’s arm to help prop him up.

Shingen grabbed enough air to disagree. “No.” The protest was invalidated by the way he sagged against us…

…but it was still enough to cause Yukimura to lose his shit. “Stop pretending you’re ok!” The fact that he didn’t tack on a ‘my lord,’ spoke volumes.

“I’m not… Breathing is…. easier… when I sit up.” Shingen finally stopped coughing, but it took him too much effort to get through a sentence, and that rattle in his throat had returned.

The three of us huddled for a long time, no one saying a word. It had been my hope that Shingen was getting better, but he’d obviously been suffering quietly. No. Quietly was not the word. Secretly. “How often does this happen? This can’t have been the first one if you knew sitting up is better for you.”

“Not very often.” Shingen swept the blood-stained hand towel out of view, but I couldn’t sweep it as easily from my mind.

“We both saw it.” Yuki glared at his mentor. Then, belatedly, he tacked on a semi-respectful, “My lord.”

“I’m aware.  That doesn’t mean I want… to continue… looking at it,” Shingen replied. Again, it took him too much time to get through a sentence. He turned to me and repeated, “not very often… at all.”

“Specifically, how many days a week, and do you have more than one a day?” I wasn’t going to let him get away with vague answers. I was too much of a master of that game to allow anyone else to beat me at it.

He swiped his hair out of his face. “Two, maybe… three times...  usually when I … overexert myself.”

That likely translated as three or four times a week… and he hadn’t been exerting himself before this attack. He’d been sitting and reading. Yuki and I looked at each other with complete sympathy. I wondered if either of us would have the courage to point out the obvious.

“Both of you… stop that.” Shingen ruffled Yuki’s hair. Then he did the same to mine. Maybe he was trying to re-establish himself as the most adult voice in the room, but for the first time, I found his touch annoying, rather than enticing. “These spells are… intense but brief.”

“We’re allowed to care about you,” Yuki said. He leaned over and put the burr puzzle back on the desk – oh that must have been what fell right before I came into the room. “You scared the hell out of Katsu. She was shaking when I got here.”

Way to throw me under the bus, Yuki. Maybe he was right, but what if Shingen decided to go all brave and noble and send me away? If I was going to be scared, I was going to do it when no one could see me. “I was startled, that’s all. Now that I have a better idea what to expect and what to do, I’ll handle it better next time.” Not that I wanted there to be a next time. But I knew there would be… maybe many next times.

“God. The two of you deserve each other,” Yuki muttered. I know that was not a compliment. “This incident proves you need to be treated sooner, not later.”

Ok, that was something I could and did agree with. “I’ve tried to talk-”

“I do know what my body can and cannot handle,” Shingen said. “In the greater scheme of things, three months is not very long.” He smiled at us both and put his arms around our shoulders. “And I’d prefer to spend that time with the people who are closest in my heart.”

I pretended to smile, even as I felt something hot and burning behind my eyes. No, three months wasn’t very long at all – especially if that was all the time he had left. And in those months, how many times would I find him holding a bloody handkerchief to his mouth? “I’m going to see if there is any willow bark tea in the kitchen.” I leveled my best glare at Shingen. “When I get back, you will drink it.”

“What will you give me if I do?” He gave me one of those looks, the ones that hinted at wickedness and fun… but all I felt was a fear that smothered out everything else. Without another word, I hurried out of his room. This time, when I got ten feet away, I didn’t turn around. Instead, I walked faster. I was going to go have my private breakdown now.

By the time I was on my way back, with a jar of the tea, my eyes were dry.

Yuki met me in the corridor. He must have been lying in wait. “Sorry I drove you out.”

“You didn’t.” I shrugged. “Besides, I needed a moment alone probably as much as you needed one with him. Did he change his mind?”

He shook his head.

Damn it.

The tears threatened to return… no… not threatened. There they were. Crap. Sorry Yuki.

Seeing my face, Yuki looked panic stricken. He patted his clothes, eventually withdrawing a stained handkerchief, which he thrust in my direction.

It looked like it had his breakfast on it and smelled like “boy” but I wiped my eyes on it anyway. And in fact, that normal everyday smell steadied me. “Sorry. I’m not usually like this.” I handed it back. “I guess there’s no changing his mind. If he doesn’t want to go at Honno-ji, we can’t make him.” I was sure Sasuke would help me prepare as much as possible for what to do upon going through at Togakushi. Hopefully Yuki and I could keep him alive until then.

“I’m not giving up.” Yuki raked his hands through his hair. “Maybe Kenshin can talk him into going with Sasuke.”

Kenshin was more of a threaten-to-kill sort than a talk-you-into-something diplomacy sort, and it wasn’t as if threatening to kill Shingen would be that much of a threat in this case, but it at least was true that Kenshin could talk to Shingen on a peer-to-peer basis. “Worth a try.”

With a brief bow, Yuki headed off, presumably to recruit Kenshin to the cause.

When I returned to Shingen’s room he was sitting at his desk, looking at a report as if nothing had ever happened. The bloodstained hand towel was not in evidence. How many times I had walked into this calm scene? How many times had it been staged?

Silently I prepared the tea and set it by his arm. I might not be able to fight him over our travel itinerary, but I would go to the mattresses over this tea.

“You’re angry with me.” He gave the tea a suspicious look. “Because I don’t want to go with Sasuke.”

“I’m angry with you because you’ve been hiding how bad it is.” And at myself for not realizing. I thought I was a lot better at spotting lies.

Maybe I’d just been lying to myself.

Shingen patted the cushion next to him, but if I walked over there, he’d find a way to distract me. Not this time. His health was too important. “I thought to spare you exactly that kind of scene.”

He thought to spare himself from the discussion – that’s what I thought. “You can’t shield me from everything. There’s no need to! I can handle things – if I know to prepare for them.” I wasn’t lying, but I wasn’t entirely confident that I could handle everything. But I would rather be prepared than not. “Drink the tea. I know you don’t have a fever, but it should help with the pain.”

He sipped the tea. “At least it’s not as awful as chewing on bark.”

I waited until he drank the entire pot of it, before once again bringing up the idea of getting treatment in modern Japan. “Am I understanding correctly that you don’t have an objection to going to the future for treatment, but only to the timing of the journey?”

If I weren’t in the picture, would he choose to go with Sasuke through Honno-ji next week, instead of postponing treatment for at least three months?

He hesitated a moment, before nodding. “Yes, that’s it exactly.”

That’s what I had been afraid of.

He once again patted the space next to him. “I drank it all. Where’s my reward?”

There it was again. Distract instead of discuss. If I went over there that would be it for the night. I needed some time to think. “I’m sorry… I need to be by myself for a little while.” I gave him a quick kiss – my way of promising that I would be back. Eventually. Then, once again, I hurried out.

“Katsu… is it ok if I come in?” Yuki knocked on the door a couple hours after I had fled to my old room.

“Sure.” Well, I would rather have been alone – but it wasn’t as if playing a game of shogi with myself was a necessary activity. Yuki wouldn’t have disturbed me without a really good reason. “What’s up?”

“I talked to Kenshin. Well. Sasuke and I both talked to him.” He paced back and forth across my room, almost ricocheting off the walls like a cat with the zoomies. That wasn’t especially indicative of anything – even in the best of situations, Yuki had trouble standing still. “We’ve come up with a plan to save Shingen.”

I dumped the shogi pieces back into their box. “I’m listening… or is Sasuke on his way to help explain?”

Oof. That didn’t come out the way I meant it too. But luckily Yukimura was so familiar with foot-in-mouth syndrome that he didn’t take offence.

“You rang?” Sasuke popped out of the ceiling. “Apologies for the delay. Kenshin wanted to kill me first. He claims he wanted to get in a few spare slayings to save up while I’m gone.”

None of that was news. “What’s the plan?” I plopped down on my futon to give them my full attention. Yuki was still pinging off the walls – Sasuke looked characteristically neutral… but something about his posture worried me. “What do you need me to do?”

There it was… a hesitation from Sasuke. Was he not on board with this? Or was he not sure it would work? Yukimura jumped in first. “Kenshin and I will do most of the work. All we need from you is…”

I tossed and turned in my own futon, my normal insomnia compounded by missing Shingen. We’d only been sharing a bed for a couple of weeks, but that had been more than enough to get used to… to get comfortable with snuggling up to him in the night. I might have been able to get through the snuggle-deficit (it wasn’t as if we hadn’t banked a lot of it of late), if Yukimura and Sasuke hadn’t given me way more to think about than I needed.

So, here I was, tossing and turning and awake and…

Their plan was ethically dubious – though it seemed like only Sasuke had reservations. It would potentially save Shingen’s life. Potentially many lives, because Sasuke confirmed that the Zutsumi had not yet been built. And, technically, I wouldn’t be asked to do much more than what I had done dozens of times before.

Lie.

Should be easy. But I wasn’t feeling like my old life was like a comfortable coat I could put back on for the winter. Now I had to deal with concepts like ethics and feelings and…

Loneliness.

If Shingen’s illness turned out to be incurable, I didn’t have that much time left to spend with him. If it was curable, but he didn’t get treated in time… same conclusion. If Yukimura’s idea turned out to be an unforgiveable act… same conclusion.

So why was I wasting the time we had left alone in my room?

Yes, I was still angry. But I’d rather be angry in his arms than angry by myself.

I got out of the futon, grabbed a candle, and padded through the corridors back to his room. He was asleep – obviously no tossing and turning for him.

After stepping out of my sandals, I blew out the candle and crawled under the blanket. He didn’t wake up, but even in his sleep, he rolled over and folded me up in his arms. Peacefully wrapped up like that, it didn’t take me long to fall asleep too.

It was not yet sunrise when I found myself in that zone that wasn’t quite awake or asleep, and so perfectly comfortable and content to remain hovering between both, until I became aware that Shingen was speaking to me.

“Are you sleeping?” We were so tangled together he must have heard me stirring.

“Half.”

“Do you want to be sleeping?” He ran his fingertips over my closed eyelids.

“That depends on the other options.” Come to think about it, I’d missed dinner and I was a bit hungry. But it seemed too early for breakfast and I wasn’t awake enough to move.

“I do have another option,” he said, as he lazily traced a circle around my stomach.

Hm… maybe I was awake enough to move after all.

I rolled over and pulled him closer.

No one who had been privileged enough to experience them (and I understand that was a substantial number) would argue that Shingen had mad skills in bed – but our languid half-awake coupling before dawn was something… different. We were no longer urging each other to greater heights.

This almost felt – relaxed was not the word … maybe I would think of a better word later when I was more awake, or maybe there was no word for it. In spite of the fact that neither of us were completely conscious, I felt like we were both one hundred percent present. That instead being a goal to give each other pleasure, we were just giving ourselves.

It felt so simple and natural to embrace each other as our breath eased into a long sigh. As we drifted back to sleep without untangling, I realized that I might – possibly – be able to live without ever again experiencing the kind of pleasure Shingen knew how to bring, but it would be far more painful to live without ever again experiencing whatever this had just been.

...Later today, a bonus chapter - Shingen's POV...

@bestbryn

[rowanjasper]

Delirium

Watercolor, gouache, pencil, and ink on paper. 59.62"×40.12" 2004

The Eagle was immediately conveyed to my place of residence, covered by a blanket, to save him, in his adversity, from the gaze of the people. I placed the cage so as to afford me a good view of the captive, and I must acknowledge as i watched his eye, and observed his looks of proud disdain, I felt towards him not so generously as I ought to have done. At times I was half inclined to restore him to his freedom, that he might return to his native mountains; nay, I several times thought how pleasing it would be to see him spread out his broad wings and sail away towards the rocks of his wild haunts; but then, reader, some one seemed to whisper that I ought to take the portrait of the magnificent bird, and I abandoned the more generous design of setting him at liberty, for the express purpose of showing you his semblance.

I occupied myself a whole day in watching his movements; on the next I came to a determination as to the position in which I might best represent him; and on the third I thought of how I could take away his life with the least pain to him. I consulted several persons on the subject, and among other my most worthy and generous friend, George Parkman, Esq. M.D., who kindly visited my family every day. He spoke of suffocating him by means of charcoal, of killing him by electricity, &c. and we both concluded that the first method would probably be the easiest for ourselves, and the least painful to him. Accordingly the bird was removed in his prison into a very small room, and closely covered with blankets, into which was introduced a pan of lighted charcoal, when the windows and doors were fastened, and the blankets tucked in beneath the cage. I waited, expecting every moment to hear him fall down from his perch; but after listing for hours, I opened the door, raised the blankets, and peeped under them amidst a mass of suffocating fumes. There stood the Eagle on his perch, with his bright unflinching eye turned towards me, and as lively and vigorous as ever! Instantly re-closing every aperature, I resumed my station at the door, and towards midnight, not having heard the least noise, I again took a peep at my victim. He was still uninjured, althought the air of the closet was insupportable to my son and myself, and that of the adjoining apartment began to feel unpleasant. I perservered, however, for ten hours in all, when finding that the charcoal fumes would not produce the desired effect, I retired to rest wearied and disappointed.

Early the next morning I tried the charcoal anew, adding to it a quantity of sulphur, but we were nearly driven from the home in a few hours by the stifling vapors, while the noble bird continued to stand erect, and to look defiance at us whenever we approached his post of martyrdom. His fierce demeanour precluded all internal application, and at last I was compelled to resort to a method always used at the last expedient, and a most effectual one. I thrust a long pointed piece of steel through his heart, when my proud prisoner instantly fell dead, without even ruffling a feather.

I sat up nearly the whole of another night to outline him, and worked so constantly at the drawing, that it nearly cost me my life. I was suddenly seized with a spasmodic affection, that much alarmed my family, and completely prostrated me for some days; but, thanks to my heavenly Preserver, and the friends Drs Parkman, Shattuck, and Warren, I was soon restored to health, and enabled to pursue my labours. The drawing of this eagle took me fourteen days, and i had never before laboured so incessantly excepting at that of the Wild Turkey.

-John James Audubon, Ornithological Biography, E.L. Carey and A. Hart 1832

Walton Ford's Pancha Tantra published by Taschen

Delirium, Walton Ford, 2004

[seagull-df-300]

A look back at 2023 – in movies

I’m not really writing this for anyone other than myself. This year, I spent more time than ever before at the movies, finding comfort in lonely moments, laughing alone, laughing with friends, thinking of people who aren’t in my life anymore. It’s been a long year, a hard one but one that taught me a lot, as cliché as it sounds. Enough rambling though, time to satisfy my craving and list-ify my experience in film this year.

January

I only watched two films during all of January, one of which was M3GAN (which I found had a lot of wasted potential), with the other being Luca Guadagnino’s Bones and All. A wonderfully weird and dark movie whose stiffness worked for me about 75% of the time. The reason I’m mentioning it here though isn’t really the movie itself, but the soundtrack. I still find myself coming back to it a lot more than I thought I would; a cloud of sounds reminiscent of the sounds of The Last of Us, down to earth, somber, yet gentle, yet cold and aggressive when needed. This soundtrack should have received far more praise than it did, unfortunately being overlooked because of just how well it fit within the landscape of the film.

February

My experience with Ulrich Seidl’s 205 minute long Wicked Games – Rimini /Sparta is one that I will certainly remember, with it being the only feature film I saw at IFFR, and Rotterdam’s international film festival being my first film festival ever. It is a very observant and patient piece, and the two main characters feel real, albeit distant. Having grown up close to Northern Italy, I can say with absolute certainty that Richie is real, and he is out there right now, performing for ancient Austrian ladies, in some worn-down hotel in Grado or Lignano or wherever.

A less light-hearted reason to remember this film was the controversy following its release, surrounding the treatment of children on set and their framing in the movie itself (as it deals with pedophilia in a way that – in my opinion – isn’t careful and critical enough).

March

Between a rewatch of Everything Everywhere All At Once and a first-time viewing of Tommy Wiseau’s The Room, things started to pick up in March, though looking back now, the movies i saw are not as memorable as I then thought they would be.

I would like to mention Feminism WTF by Katharina Mückstein as a wonderfully powerful, yet approachable and fun look into the state of feminism today. It does a great job giving an introduction to modern feminism without dumbing things down beyond recognition, while still opening up the conversation.

April

I started this month with what would turn out to be one of my favourite films of the entire year (though it was released in 2022), Charlotte Wells’ Aftersun. I don’t even want to say too much about it. This film is entrancing, and it is made for small movie theaters with comfortable seats and 3-7 others in the room with you.

May

May was a very strong month for me, and unlike some of the prior months, I’m having trouble picking out the movies I want to bring up here. One film that came and went quickly and quietly was Maigret by Patrice Leconte, which I thought was quite charming, although most other reviews don’t seem to share my opinion. Smaken är som baken.

I also went and saw Beau is Afraid, which left me with lingering anxiety for a few days after, but this year’s most horrifying cinema experience came a few days after, with a late-night showing of Phil Tippett’s Mad God (2021). At only 81 minutes, it sure felt like 180. Don’t take this as criticism, this movie is abhorrent, especially when you’re on the brink of falling asleep the entire time, but I can’t recommend it enough. We need more movies as vile and unapologetically revolting as this one.

The third horror film I want to mention is Darren Aronofsky’s mother! (2017). I had no idea what I was getting into with this, but what a special film. Having watched Requiem for a Dream not long before, this film really showed Aronofsky’s development both as a filmmaker in general and, more importantly, in how he views, writes and portrays women. A powerful piece, tragic and unexpected.

On a lighter note, I watched and completely fell in love with Wes Anderson’s The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004). There is something about this movie that I can’t quite explain, so maybe it’s best I don’t. This may be Anderson’s most overlooked film, and what a shame that is. It is funny, it is tragic, it has this instantly engaging, wondrous look to it; it is so absurd, and it is so real. This movie is wonderful, please give it some of your time.

June

I want to quickly mention 20,000 Species of Bees here, not because it was my favourite film of the year; i didn’t even personally connect with it that much. I just wanted to say, if you have someone in your life who is trans, maybe even your child, if you want to try to understand, to open that door, then watch this movie. It is not perfect, but it will help you understand.

July

On a rewatch, Dungeons and Dragons: Honour among Thieves still holds up. It does exactly what you want it to, and it does it perfectly alright. It excellently encapsulates the madness of Dungeons and Dragons, and things go wrong just right. This is on my list because I personally got into TTRPGs more than ever this year, getting to host and DM a handful of sessions, and this film was not the disappointment I’d expected.

Another favourite this year was Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse. I’m so excited to see where this story goes. After coming down with superhero-fatigue like everyone else on the planet, this series is the only Marvel-related thing I actively keep up with and enjoy. More like this, please.

I’m also going to mention Barbie because I feel like I have to… personally, I was pleasantly surprised! It was the culmination of the supposed Queermisandrist Agenda (they’re trans-ing our kids!!) for a few very loud assholes on one end of the spectrum and simply Not Enough for some on the other end, but it never set out to solve worldwide misogyny in the first place and that’s perfectly fine. I thought this was a super solid film and thinking about all the breakups caused by this makes me happy.

August

In August, I rewatched The Ritual (2017) while on a remote farm in rural Sweden surrounded by endless acres of woods. Talk about immersion. While there, I also watched Promare, an unexpectedly beautiful and just really, really fun film from Studio Trigger. Seriously, this was gorgeous.

September

On September 3rd, I finally got to watch Talk to Me after missing its initial cinematic release. I could talk about this film for hours. I’ll say this much: You know a film is great if the opening scene is so captivating that you can’t help continuing watching it on your phone on some dodgy website through some French guy’s phone recording of the screen of a small, almost empty theatre. I think about this movie very very often.

Another film I think about a lot is We’re All Going to the World’s Fair. If your childhood and/or youth was in some way influenced by the Internet, you will find things in this movie reflecting that experience that no other film has yet managed to capture. At least not on a level this visceral, while still remaining eerily relatable and honest.

I also watched Projekt Ballhausplatz. Fuck you, Sebastian Kurz.

October

Between Inception, 2001: A Space Odyssey and GoodFellas, I did a lot of catching up on so-called classics and a lot of thinking about women in film. I did not, unfortunately, get to watch as many horror movies as I wanted.

November

This month brought two gems to my attention, Jessica Hausner’s Club Zero and Justine Triet’s Anatomy of a Fall. Both are captivating and unique in their own right, and both had me thinking about them the days and weeks after. There was one scene in Anatomy of a Fall that had me choking back tears (a discussion/fight; I don’t want to spoil anything), and now even thinking about it, I feel my heart sinking a bit. This movie may be 152 minutes long, but it certainly doesn’t feel like it.

December

My revue of this year started early, with rewatches of Aftersun and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, but December had two more gems for me. Number one was Leni Lauritsch’ Rubikon, a 2022 release that was largely overlooked. An immense shame. This movie is made for the big screen, with visuals rivaling massive Hollywood productions and an immersive, larger-than-life soundscape.

The days and weeks before Christmas are never not stressful for me, but I am so glad I made the time to watch Fremont the day it premiered in Austrian cinemas. This movie is wonderful, it is immaculately funny, perfectly restrained, tragic, yet hopeful. It feels like a chef’s perfected dish, with every ingredient measured to a tee. It ends right when it needs to but leaves you yearning for more.

And that’s it. There were so many films I missed, unfortunately, but my cine-addiction shows no signs of stopping, so maybe I’ll catch up next year. I wrote this entire thing instead of doing uni work and I don’t think anyone other than myself is ever going to read it, so I guess we can conclude that this whole film-thing really does matter to me. If you did read through (thank you!), what were your favourite films this year? Any recommendations?

May your 2024 be filled with good movies :)

[soir-rouges-esprit]

xx111.b: The City, Anything that would allow all the pain I was going to go through, happen … so long this time I had someone to grasp onto. Would they be proud? … He would not be … but … he hasn't experienced my pain … not yet at least … and therefore I'd accept his disdain … and the ignorant blasts of borderline hate speech if not physical violence I know he'd gift … my own abuse. I would hope to treat him as loved ones kept close to quarters treat me today, I'd allow him his human experiences of lashing out in the name of pain alone even if unjust, even if I'd be the innocent bystander caught in the wakes of Wrath. To allow him this expression … and then allow him to view the wretched defilement of his words/actions to my soul and my very existence. And allow him the full cycle of grief … so that he then, may build me a house of gold. Repent in full … to the only god, I serve … Anguish. Although "full" for me is, more than given, auto allocated with interest … I do this with everything. Revenge, Forgiveness, Hate, and Love/Interest … everything. I try and give more than receive. I want … to give more to than receive. Why was this my cycle? I hate it, I love it … why is there never a Me, for Me … I'd feel happy ideally with someone just as I, but maybe … we all think that, but probably we'd go mad … Insidious. I descend down the hill I stood on. Down into that final wasteland gap. I walked straight to The Gate of The City … It was larger and more intimidating than I last remembered. But there was no turning back now … It was time to finally after a year start the process that was finding and reunifying The Shades and repairing the great mosaic that shattered so long ago … and through all that I had been through so far … so much more to go through, and much much worse at that … Insidious. I thought briefly … Wow, I really was crazy back then. Trying such a plan like this … to shatter and die … to hope that at least one in the million shattered shades that hated me more than anything … the only unifying thought at the time … that one … would try and set me back together to how I was … that one would face the entire city. Maybe I also just wanted to die? because these odds are so overwhelming that It’s hard to see how or why I’d doom even one shade to this hell thinking anything other than a fiery failure would come from such a gamble … well, I hope you’re happy so far you bastard … make it as far as you thought? As I walk across the Waste Line, internal dialog spiked … I wonder if they'd figure it out? What The City had to offer … surely peaking into the chapters as they fall they gather its general construct and metaphorical purpose … but will anyone see the result of the battles to come for what they really were? Will they seek further, after the story comes to a close? For a millisecond a brief red vision flashed … I saw myself, looking through broken glass of what appeared like the outside of a skyscraper, high in the sky but on the outside looking in … at myself? falling through many floors with rubble falling with me as if many flights below me collapsed beneath my feet … the other Red was looking shockingly back through the window as well … as if he also didn't quite understand why he was seeing me. The vision stopped. I stop for a moment … the fuck was that? … then continued on. I climb up a small embankment to The Gate. I stand on the outside looking up at the mockingly large city sign that read … Insidious. I then looked down and straight through The Gate on the other side … there they were … shades bustling the streets, driving the cars, working the construction, cleaning the windows, and working the shops … everything … I hadn't even entered the gates … and yet … it was all so incredibly loud. I look past the gate towards the ground and at the line that separates The City’s inners from the rest of the world. I take a deep breath … and go and take a step … [To Be Continued]

[luveline]

How about some protective big brother Steve learning that shy reader has a crush on Eddie or Eddie asked you out.

tysm for ur request! ♡ fem!harrington!reader | 0.7k words

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Steve asks. 

Despite his use of expletives, you don't think he's mad. He actually sounds pleased. 

"What do you mean?" you ask, looking up from the note in your hand. 

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you look happy. Really happy. It's weird." 

"I don't usually look happy?" 

"You usually look constipated." 

You wrinkle your nose and check the note again. Meet me at 5 at the end of your street. E♡

He'd drawn a heart. He'd really drawn one. You press your thumb into the dark indentations and feel yourself smile again. 

"What is that?" Steve asks. 

"What?" you say loudly, in your younger sister tone. An unconvincing I don't know what you're talking about is implied. 

"I can see your hand." Then, in a move you anticipate, he throws himself over the back of the couch and dives for it. You shove it under one of your thighs and glare at him, half-hearted. 

"Privacy, Steve." 

"That's what I said last night in the shower, too-" 

"We have a curtain! I needed to pee!" 

He flops dejectedly beside you and his hair falls in his eyes. You groan as he climbs over the back of the couch like a fish out of water, his feet kicking into your thigh as he gets comfortable. 

"What is it, a love note? Secret admirer?" 

"I hate when you do that." 

"What, guess right?" 

You shrug and hug your tummy, eyes averted. "It's nothing." 

"It's totally a love letter." You sit in silence. He perks up, says, "Oh my god, it's a love letter from someone you like." 

"Steve! Jesus Christ." 

"Who is it? Do I know them? Did they go to Hawkins High?" Then, at your silence, "Are they older?" 

You stand up and pull down your skirt, the note in your hand crumpled and now damp from clamminess. "Steve, please." 

"Sorry!" He doesn't look very sorry, but his face does soften. You pull his shoes off of the couch and he rights himself with a huff to stand beside you. "Don't be shy with me. Just tell me who it is so I can give them the talk." 

You check the time and grab your bag. "I'm going out." 

"No, you're not. Not until you tell me who sent the note." 

"Steve," you chide, pouting. "Please, I'll tell you. Just… Let me work it out for myself first. I think I really like him, and-" 

"You like him?" he asks incredulously. 

You bite your lips and sneak past him. He's still demanding to know who you're seeing as you close the door. 

You take a deep breath and smooth down your clothes. 

When you reach the bottom of the street, Eddie rolls down the passenger side window. "Hey, sweet thing." 

You melt internally and wrap your fingers over the rolled down window, smiling shyly. "Hey, Eds." 

"Are you getting in? Movie starts in twen'y." 

You nod all bashful and beaming and pull open the door but haven't managed to get even one shoe inside when a loud voice shouts, "Eddie Munson?" 

You climb in fast. Steve jogs down the sidewalk, his expression creased with unhappiness. Okay, that's understating things; he looks mad. 

"Drive, Eddie!" you say with more volume than you've ever said anything to him with. 

Eddie grins with teeth and turns the wheel. "You got it, princess." 

You're too distracted by Steve's outraged shouting to feel embarrassed at the pet name, looking out of the window at him as you pass with an apologetic smile. "Sorry!" you say.

He says something too scathing to bear repeating. As soon as he's out of view you turn to Eddie with an apology on your parted lips and find him laughing. Silent, heavy things, his eyes wet with mirth.

"Oh god," he laughs, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, "Baby, if I weren't taking you on a date, I'd say that was the best moment of my life. I've never seen Harrington so mad." 

You cover your face with both hands and sigh. 

A big hand drops onto your shoulder. "You're fine. I'll let him give me the shovel talk when I drop you off." 

"Thank you," you whisper, almost inaudible. 

He squeezes. "Sure thing. Are you hungry? I brought donut holes." 

You're not sure you can stomach anymore sweetness. 

[th84u]

kinktober day eight: ateez’s san [best friend au]

fic type: drabble

pairing: sub! san x dom! reader

genre: fluffy smut; friends to ???,

word count: 1.4k (wow)

warning: [nsfw] virginity talk, awkward, messy sex, handjob, breeding kink, mentions of masturbation, dirty talk (mild?), penetrative sex, unprotected sex, reader bears a vagina lmao

note: it’s officially kinkcember guys i hate everything lol

to be honest, you were tired of sitting on san’s extremely comfortable bed and scrolling through your phone while he complained about his non-existent sex life (not like you had one either).

rolling your eyes, you turn to look at the boy, still dressed in his sweater and tie. he’d been experimenting with the whole ‘academia’ fashion style and you had to admit: you really liked it.

your moment of admiring his cute outfit was cut short by his persistent whining and you groan internally.

“and wooyoung keeps bragging about all the pussy he’s getting! god, i feel so stupid and lonely,” he groans and you finally sigh, sitting up. “adding onto that, hongjoong and seonghwa–”

before he can react, you grab his tie, pulling him forward. “one more word out of you, baby,” you growl softly. “and i’ll put that pretty mouth of yours to work else where.”

your threat has san squeaking, cheeks heated and red as he stared into your eyes. it was then that you realised how close your faces were before clearing your throat and moving away, but san quickly had his hand on the back of your neck and pulled you in for a kiss.

you’re surprised by the bold move, but allow yourself to melt into the kiss. he tastes like strawberries, which reminded you of the doughnuts you had left in the fridge (you’d confront him about this later, you decided).

it was a relatively short kiss, but when you pulled away, san was already hard and his cheeks were flushed.

“i’m so tired of hearing you complain about your virginity and lack of action,” you say as he falls onto his back, eyes large like a doe. you want to fuck him so badly, but restrain yourself. “so from one virgin to another, i’m asking you now: do you want to continue?”

his eager nod followed by a subtle whimper gives you the answer you’re looking for. “safe word is peaches,” you say, fingers tugging to get his tie off. “i need to know if you feel uncomfortable because i don’t exactly know what i’m doing either.”

san gives you an idiotic grin. “it’s okay. your smut reading since middle school will probably help us out here.”

you can’t help but feel embarrassed. “well, you’ll be the witness to that,” you whisper, leaning down and peppering his pale, smooth skin with kisses.

he had pulled his sweater off, his stomach in full view as you smile. “i’ve always loved your tummy, you know?” you whisper as he gives you a confused look. “you know i hate it when you point out what you hate about yourself.”

trailing kisses down his chest to his tummy, he giggles softly. “it tickles,” he says breathlessly and you smile. there was something sweet to such an intimate interaction that you only knew as passionate, pleasurable and rough.

you liked this version much better.

with a finger hooking the band of his pants down, you lick your lips with a smirk. “do you know how many times i’ve imagined this happening?” you whisper softly as san moans, his hard cock springing up and hitting his stomach in full glory.

“y-you’ve imagined this?” he asks as you hum softly in response and begin to move. san gasps at the friction, finger grasping the sheets beneath him as his hips snapped upwards. “oh my god, you telling me that just made me ten times hornier than i already am.”

you chuckle in amusement as he looks up at you. “you have no idea how many times i’ve touched myself, imagining it was you instead,” he confesses before a loud whimper left his throat as you move slightly, straddling him.

“yeah?” you ask breathlessly, grinding down on his hardened cock through the thin material you wore. “you could’ve just come to me and asked. all this time, i’ve has to touch myself to your moans from behind the wall.”

san looked up, blinking as you lift your lips up slightly, sliding your panties off. “y-you masturbate to me touching myself?” he asks in astonishment as you allow yourself to rest on his hips again, sliding your now bare pussy to move up and down his cock, earning a moan from the boy as you hold back a whimper.

“of course,” you say before letting out a moan, your hips snapping forward. “you always sound so pretty for me.”

taking hold of his swollen red cock, you align it with your entrance, but he stops you. “don’t want me to wear a condom?” he asks, eyes big and bright as you grin, leaning down, getting closer to his ear.

“don’t think i haven’t heard you begging to fill me up with your cum, baby. i want you to stuff me full,” you whisper as san shivers in delight, moaning before slowly moving his hips up into you.

“s-shit,” you grip the sheets beneath you, blinking back the tears as you feel the stretch of your skin. “f-fuck, why are you so big,” you moan as san throws his head back in pleasure, fingers gripping your hips tightly.

it takes all of san’s self-control to not start thrusting into you until he’s filled you with his cum, but the pain in your expression speaks louder to him.

“hey,” he whispers, leaning in to pepper kisses across your cheeks. “you okay?”

you nod. “yeah, i think so.”

san smiles, pushing your hair back. “is this how you’ve always imagined it?” he asked softly as you shake your head.

“it’s so messy and awkward, but it’s sweet and i love it because it’s with you and that’s all that matters,” you say, giving your hips an experimental roll which earned a pornographic moan from san. “oh, you sound so good.”

“fuck, y/n, please, can i move?” he asks, the squelching of his pre-cum and your slick that ran down your thighs.

“yeah, baby, sure,” you gasp out as he begins to thrust his hips erratically. “oh, shit, what the fuck.”

he whimpers slightly, fingers digging into your flesh. his cock rubbed your insides as you clenched around him, the warmth feeling overwhelming you. san’s cock made you feel so full and you loved it. there was something about him that made this whole experience better.

swiping your thumb across his lips, he lets out a whine before you lean in to kiss him. it was messy; tongues out with the both of you not knowing what to do, but when you catch his bottom lip with your teeth, san’s cock pulses inside you.

“are you gonna cum soon?” you ask, rolling his nipple between two fingers as he moans, throwing his head back. “you gonna cum and fill me up, yeah?”

“fuck,” he hisses, thrusting even harder into you in an attempt to chase his high. “wanna cum in you so badly, please,” he whimpers, eyes watery as he stared into yours, practically begging you through his gaze to give him permission to come.

you shiver slightly, his gaze turning you on even more as you let out a strangled moan, leaning in to hide in the crook of his neck. “cum for me, sannie,” you use your favourite nickname on him and that drives him over the wall.

his hips snap upwards faster and harder as you feel your high coming. “y/n, y/n, y/n!” he chants your name like a mantra as your fingers thread through his hair.

you moan as he comes, warmth filling you. his hips stutter to a stop, and disappointment fills you, knowing that you probably wouldn’t cum, but when san’s hand reaches down and begins to rub your clit, hips beginning to move again, it has you throwing your head back, eyes screwing shut as pleasure overwhelms you once again.

“oh my god, san!” you yelp at his sudden action, digging your nails into his shoulders as he peppered kisses across your face.

“i love you, i love you, i love you!” he squeaks out, sweat dripping down his forehead. you come, squeezing down on his cock which makes san come again, more cum filling you to the brim.

the both of you ride out your orgasms, panting softly, the sensual and heavy atmosphere dissipating as you both collapse onto the bed, exhausted.

never had san’s bed felt more comfortable than right now. you smiled.

“so? how was it?”

san turns to look at you, a huge grin on his face. “that was… amazing. that smut addiction of yours really paid off.”

you smack his shoulder, chuckling softly. maybe san ranting about his (ex) non-existent sex life wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

[writing-wh0re]

October 7th. Kinky Halloween Special Masterlist

Kink: Daddy

Au!Fred x Reader.

Words: 2,524.

Warnings: Smut18+, Unprotected Sex, Female Performing Oral, Male Performing Oral, Dirty Talk, Daddy Dom Fred, Praise. Best-friends Dad (Age Gap) 

*Nova is my own character. 

The moment Nova had suggested that I tag along with her for the summer and stay at her dad’s lake house, I couldn’t refuse. I was so excited. 

One, the lake house is in the prime location, bars are within walking distance, the pool is immaculate and the view was something else all together. 

Two, Nova’s dad, Fred. 

God Fred was the definition of Dilf. 

The first time I noticed my school girl crush was Nova’s 21st birthday. Fred had booked out a private Yacht and invited most of the people from our classes. It was sweet and probably the happiest I have seen Nova. However, I spent most of the night at the top of the Yacht drinking and joking around with Fred, both of us wanting to escape the crowd. That night solidified my crush for the older man, especially the second his fingertips brushed my knee which caused my skin to erupt with goosebumps and my breath to catch in my throat. I could have sworn Fred’s eyes lingered on my cleavage a little too much that night but I’m sure it was the alcohol swirling through my veins. 

“Ready?” Nova’s voice pulls me from my thoughts, her suitcase behind her. 

“Definitely.” I confirm zipping my case and following Nova out of our dorm, excitement and nervous bubbling inside of me. 

\\//

Nova pushes the large dark wood door open, the smell of cinnamon and apple filling the air, light chatter bouncing off the walls. 

“I think my uncle is here.” Nova mumbles, leaving her suitcase on the ground and walking through the house. I follow her lead, ditching my suitcase and taking in the beautifully styled home. 

“Hey Dad, uncle George.” 

I almost faint on the spot, there’s Fred and a literal duplicate of Fred.

“Uh Dad you remember Y/n, George this is my best friend Y/n.” I smile weakly at the pair as George smiles at me.

“Good to see you again Y/n.” Fred smiles, I notice George side eye Fred quickly raising his eyebrows before taking a sip of his drink. Fred simply smirks, nodding softly, his eyes lingering on me before darting over to Nova. I frown my eyebrows together trying to understand what they are silently talking about, surely not me. I shake the thought from my head, of course two grown men haven't been talking about me, especially not my best friend's dad. Get it together Y/n. 

“So, what do you have planned for this summer?” George asks, his eyes flicking between Nova and I. 

“Definitely hitting the bars, soaking in the sun and maybe finding a man or two.” Nova winks as she hands me a glass of wine. 

“A man?” Fred questions. 

“Or two?” George questions both of them laughing at each other. 

“It's summer, why not have a little fun?” The second the words leave my lips I feel a blush creep upon my face, Fred and George both chuckling in response. 

“Maybe we should go have some summer fun Freddie.” George smirks causing Nova to gag slightly. 

“Right, that's our cue to leave.” Nova mumbles quickly downing the rest of her glass and walking back inside the house. 

“Uh.” The heat returns to my body as I get left alone with Fred and George. I leave my glass on the table in front of me and walk inside the house, once inside I turn back to take in Fred’s appearance one last time. My breath hitches in my throat and butterflies erupt inside of me as our eyes lock together. I hurriedly look away and rush through the house to get ready for the night with Nova. 

Coincidence. Just a simple Coincidence. 

\\// 

Nova and I had been dancing for hours, the music thumped through my chest, the alcohol flowed through my veins and my mind kept wandering to Fred, curious as to what he is doing right now. 

“Hey, this is Tom and we’re getting out of here.” Nova squeals excitedly, pulling a blonde guy behind her before I even have a chance to respond. 

“Seriously?” I yell, my voice falling silent over the sound of the music. I follow behind the pair, hoping to catch Nova and ask if she is seriously leaving me in the club right now. 

“Hey!” 

Nova’s body disappears into a cab before she has the chance to hear me. 

“Fuck.” I huff, the cool breeze hitting my exposed skin. Only a three minute walk back to the house, I tell myself. I quickly check the time, 11:45pm, Fred will definitely be asleep and won’t question Nova’s hodiny act. 

The walk back was quick and almost claiming. The sound of the wind blowing in the trees, owls hooting and the crispy moon light shining along the streets. 

The walk back to the house had definitely sobered me up, now fully aware of how loud my heels are against the pavement. I decide to slip my heels off before walking on the wooden deck, not wanting to disturb Fred. I search through my bag, trying to find the house key but coming up empty handed. 

“Fuck you Nova.” I mumble, slightly lifting up the doormat with my foot in hopes of a spare key, but no luck. Right as I’m about to walk around the back and sleep on the deck chairs the door pulls open. 

Fred and George both laugh and continue their conversation before their eyes land on me. 

“Oh Y/n, hello again.” George smiles. 

“Um, hey.” I smile back. My eyes quickly flick to Fred his toned chest on full display and loose grey sweatpants hanging on his hips. 

“Everything okay? You’re missing Nova.” Fred asks, slight worry filling his voice. 

“Yeah no, everything is fine, Nova is making her summer fun with Tom?” I question wondering if I should even be telling her father and uncle this. 

The twins laugh at my question, both shaking their heads. 

“Well I will see you later, nice meeting you y/n.” George smiles, “Enjoy your summer Freddie.” George’s eyes look me up and down before he walks past me, the sound of his car unlocking in the near distance. 

“Excuse me.” I mumble pushing past Fred as he stands in the doorway, I quickly drop my shoes with the others at the door, wanting to rush away to my room. 

“So why aren’t you out making your summer fun with a guy?” 

I feel my mouth go dry at his question, how do I answer this without saying it’s because of you dumbass. 

“The guy’s I typically go for aren’t hanging around at clubs.” Fred raises his eyebrow, his eyes flicking from my lips and back to my eyes. 

“What kind of guys do you go for?” 

Now's your chance, say it's him, if it goes badly act super drunk and blame it on that. I take a deep breath after listening to the internal battle with myself. 

“Guys that choose to stay in with their brothers and drink.” The moment the sentence flows through the air, my cheeks heat up, both with nerves and regret. 

Fred smirks, licking his lips before walking towards me. I back away from him slightly before my back hits the wall. 

“Is that so? Darling, I'm old enough to be your father” 

“That has never been an issue for me… daddy.” 

Fred groans before locking his lips with mine. I moan into the kiss, the sweet taste of cinnamon whiskey on his tongue as our tongues fight for dominance. His hands roam my body, falling to the middle of my back and pulling me flush against his chest. My fingers lace in his hair, tugging on the strands. 

“This is wrong.” I pant, pulling away from the kiss as our chests rise and fall. 

“Say the word and I stop.” Fred’s eyes search mine for any hesitation before I close the gap between us. His hands fall to my thighs picking me up in one swift motion and slowly walking us to his bedroom. My red dress hikes up my thighs with every step closer to the room, my black lace panties on full display. I pull my lips away from Fred’s kissing down his neck before discovering his sweet spot. His fingers grip my ass tight, moans falling from his lips. 

A surprised squeal escapes me as Fred drops me on his bed, his eyes lingering on my body. Before he has the chance to ask me I pull my dress from my skin, leaving me in just my panties, thankful that my dress didn’t require a bra. 

“Jesus.” Fred steps back, taking in the sight of me half naked and under him, egar for him. 

“Daddy please.” The nickname causes his eyes to roll back slightly, a low sigh passing his lips as he cages me in against the mattress, kissing my lips before trailing kisses down my neck towards my boobs. I arch my back causing my nipple to press against his tongue more, his teeth pulling at the hardening nub. 

“Yes, daddy.” 

Fred smirks, chuckling as the slight vibration rumbles against my skin. 

“I’ve barely touched you babygirl, look at you, so needy and eager for me.” 

“Only you.” 

My words pull yet another chuckle from his lips. Fred’s fingertips trail along the waistband on my panties causing a shiver to run down my spine. He leans down over my body, his warm breath fanning against my neck. 

“Get on your knees.” Within a second I am on my knees looking up at him. “Fuck, such a good girl.” 

I softly nod in response, my hand palming his evident erection through his sweatpants. Fred hisses at the contact before ridding himself of the clothing. 

A whimper escapes me at the sight of his hard cock. Longer and thicker than I had imagined but everything I need. 

Without being asked I take his dick in my hand, pumping up and down as I lightly swirl my tongue around the head. 

“Yes baby.” Fred’s fingers loop in my hair, holding it out of the way to ensure he gets the perfect view of his cock disappearing into my throat. I bob my head up and down his length, my tongue swirling and my cheeks hollowing out. Fred’s cock leaves my lips with a pop, he grabs his dick and slowly slides it up and down my tongue moaning at the sight. 

“Fucking perfect.” My eyes roll back at the praise, arousal leaking down my thighs and my mind hoping this isn’t some twisted dream. 

Fred pulls me up by my arms, his lips finding mine again in a hungry kiss. His fingertips brush against my clothed pussy before slipping past the fabric and rubbing my swollen clit. I hiss at the contact, Fred moans at the feeling of my wetness. 

“Daddy’s girl likes sucking dick huh?” 

“Makes her little pussy drip?” 

“Does my princess touch herself to the thought of me?” 

I meekly nod in response not wanting the pleasure to stop, however Fred stops his movements causing me to whimper. 

“Daddy asked you a question darling, do you think of me when you cum?” 

“Y-yes.” 

“Good girl.” He presses a quick kiss to the side of my head before he pushes me back onto the bed, ripping the panties from my skin. His tongue presses flat against my clit as I sigh with pleasure and surprise. 

“Daddy.” 

Fred hums against my pussy, swirling his tongue in a figure eight motion as my fingers grip the bed sheets. Fred continues to lap at my cunt, savouring the taste before his hands find mine, lacing our fingers together. 

“Fuck.” I moan as I look down at Fred, his eyes catching mine while swiping his tongue side to side. 

“Yes, fuck, oh I’m close.” I regret saying the words the second Fred pulls away from me. 

“No baby, you’re cumming on my cock.” Butterflies fill my stomach at his words, truly hoping this is really happening. 

Fred lays down next to me on the bed, grabbing my hips and guiding me to straddle his waist. His hand falls behind my neck, our lips meet in a brief kiss before being broken by my moans. Fred slides inside of me, stretching my walls perfectly. 

“So big daddy.” My fingernails drag down his chest earning a hiss from his lips. After a few seconds of adjusting to his size I rock my hips back and forth, keeping my hands placed on his chest for balance. 

“Beautiful.” Blush fills my cheeks at his praise, his soft hands rubbing up and down my sides. I keep my rhythm, every now and again swirling my hips for a different sensation, one that pulls the most delicious moans from his lips. Fred’s hands grip my ass, spanking the supple skin as I cry out in pleasure. 

“Is this what you like, baby? Taking control and fucking daddy?” I hum in response as my eyes flutter closed basking in the feeling of his cock hitting my g-spot. Fred’s hands move to my back, flipping us over as I gasp. 

“Only I can make you feel this good.” 

My lips part and my eyes squeeze shut at the new angle. Fred’s resting on his knees with my legs against his chest, ankles resting on his shoulders, his hands groping my boobs. 

“Look at you squirming on my cock, ruining you for any other man.” 

“God daddy yes.” 

“You’re mine.” 

“Only yours daddy.” 

Fred grunts at my response, his pace picking up as he starts to rub fast circles on my clit. 

“Yes!” I cry out, my pussy clenching around him. “Just like that.” 

“You cum when I say.” 

I huff, digging my nails into the comforter as I scream and cry out. 

“Daddy please, please let me cum.” 

Fred grunts, licking his lips.

“Mmm hold it for me.” 

My eyes roll back as my back arches off the mattress. 

“Daddy, please!” 

I feel Fred’s cock twitch inside of me, a deep moan filling the air. 

“Fucking cum for me Y/n.” 

A shiver runs down my spine, my body tenses as Fred’s name passes my lips. My mind feels foggy and my vision blurs. Fred grips my legs, his hips faltering as his hot release fills me. 

Fred pulls out of me, both of us sighing, our chests rising and falling, sweat glistening on our bodies. 

“Thank you.” I blurt out, feeling tiredness wash over me. 

“No need to thank me Darling.” He places a soft kiss to my lips as I feel my eyelids get heavier, not even bothering to move as sleep envelops me. 

\\//

I wake up the next morning to the sun shining through the blinds. Instantly everything floods back from last night. I quickly lift up the bedsheets, my naked body confirming that it wasn’t just a dream. 

“Morning.” Fred mumbles, his morning voice sending wetness straight to my pussy. 

“Morning.” I whisper a goofy smile on my face. Fred pulls me into him, his nose brushing against mine before our lips meet in the middle. 

“Hey dad, have you see- WHAT THE FUCK?”

\\// 

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[twilights-posts]

Tutoring (Smut)

I've found this on my laptop and wanted to share this with y'all. Please remember, it was originally written in German and translated. Contact me if something doesn't make sense. Thanks!

Summary: You have a history test coming up and Jared decided to help you study. Tough, the only thing on your mind has nothing to do with history.

Tags: 18+, smut, fingering, fem!reader, Jared

We were sitting in my kitchen trying to focus on my upcoming history test. Jared had told me in school that he would help me because history is the most boring thing ever for me. Being in the kitchen together now, though, with his hand on my thigh and his breath on my skin, history was much more exciting.

"The first half of the 19th century saw important social and economic changes that fostered the later industrial boom. One of the most important factors in this was the railroad ..." he told me, and you could see the passion written all over his face. But I switched off at some point and pictured in my mind how his big hand wandered up my thigh, under my skirt and then-

"Are you listening to me?" asked Jared a little louder. With big innocent eyes, I looked at him nodding.

"Of course, industrialization came about because of the railroad," I announced confidently.

"And who invented the railroad?"

"You didn't say."

With furrowed brows I looked at the worksheet, maybe that would give me answers, but all I got were questions.

"Yes, I did," he laughed. I looked up at him smiling, even sitting down he was taller than me. My eyes swept over his face and lingered on his full lips. Images of his lips kissing my neck, my breasts, my nipples and moving lower and lower, um....

"You're so absent today, what's going on?" he snapped me out of my fantasies again. Smiling, I shook my head, not letting on that he had a lot less clothes on in my head.

"Nothing, it's all good. It's just history," I said lightheartedly, contorting my face to let him know how averse I was to the subject. He nodded slowly, not seeming to believe me.

"You know you can tell me anything, right? I'd love to help you or even just listen. Just tell me what you need," Jared expressed lovingly, stroking my thigh with his hand. My skirt pushed up slightly as a result. He's so sweet, if only he knew that the only thing I needed right now was his tongue on my clit.

I smiled broadly at the thought, leaned over and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"I'm fine, I just need a break," I whispered to him. Light-footed, I jumped off the stool and walked over to the fridge. That's when I got the idea to heaten him up a bit so we could get away from studying.

I looked over my shoulder at him and asked if he wanted a drink. There was no need to grab the soda from the last compartment, but it gave him a chance to peek under my skirt. Since I was wearing shorts underneath anyway, he wouldn't see too much, but he wouldn't need to for now.

When I turned back to him, he looked up shamefully. I pretended not to notice and held the can out to him.

"Do you need a glass?"

"No, I'm good."

I tried to jump casually on the counter, but I had overestimated my weak arms and was struggling badly. Jared chuckled as he watched me do it.

"Need a hand?" he finally offered.

"Please."

He stood up, took the few steps to me, and grasped my waist. With ease, he lifted me up and set me down. Jared continued to stand in front of me, looking at me with amusement. I recognized the affection in his eyes, could only smile because of it.

"Maybe you should work out more," he suggested after a few seconds.

"If you help me with that," I said absently. Right now my hormones were going crazy and I just wanted to kiss him. My legs wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer to me. If only there were less clothes ...

Jared swallowed nervously. My hands stroked through his hair, finding their place on his neck. I moved closer to his face, anticipation flooding me. His dark eyes looked at me expectantly. A mischievous smile was on his face.

Just before our lips touched, he pulled back slightly.

"You know I've been dreaming about this."

I smirked at this confession. I hadn't been expecting that.

"Oh yeah, about what exactly?", I probed.

Jared leaned forward, past my face, and ran his nose up the curve of my neck.

"I dreamed about your legs wrapped around my waist."

"What else were you dreaming about?"

"how I' m pushing up that stupid skirt of

yours," he murmured against my ear, pressing his lips behind it.

I exhaled shakily, the throbbing inside me making itself known, and I could feel myself getting wet at the idea.

"It's my favorite skirt," I still tried to answer casually. He chuckled lightly.

"You can leave it on while we do it."

My eyes closed and I imagined how he would take me while I had only the skirt on. At this point I didn't need any foreplay, but he was about to suck on the delicate spot on my neck, so I didn't stop him.

His hands went under my skirt and stroked through the shorts over my most sensitive spot. He took his time, doing everything gently and carefully, but I had no patience for it and certainly no time. My parents would be home in thirty-four minutes.

I pulled his face up and pressed my lips to his. Greedily our lips moved together, soon I felt his tongue and sighed pleasantly. Jared slowed down the kiss, but not the intensity. It was as if we hadn't seen each other in days. He was visibly enjoying the moment. The hand that wasn't fridging me through my pants cupped my breast. His thumb circled around my nipple. Sometimes he pinched them through the shirt, then stroked them apologetically.

Jared never struck me as the ladies' man, but he obviously had experience.

As the pressure on my shorts increased, I moaned softly. After I released his lips, he stepped back a bit. Both hands went into the waistband of my shorts and pulled it down along with the briefs. I lifted my hips to help him. As promised, he left my skirt on.

His fingers stroked up my calves, snaked up the inside of my thighs, and paused at the hollow between my leg and hip.

I pulled back briefly to look him in the eye.

"Would you wash your hands first?" apologetically, I stroked his shoulders. I was afraid of ruining the mood or having to explain myself. He just nodded and went to the sink. Relieved, I leaned back on my arms. When Jared turned back to me, I opened my legs a little wider. He stopped and eyed me.

Challenging 'em, I spread them open wider, his view blocked by the skirt, but not diminishing the effect. I noticed the bulge in his pants and felt bad for not giving him any attention so far.

"Come here.", I said softly and extended a hand to him. Without further hesitation, he was back within my reach. I pressed my lips to his neck now and ran my hand down to his penis. Stroking over the shorts, I lightly nibbled at his skin. In turn, he stroked the inside of my thighs. He was damn close to my private parts. Unlike him, I wasn't as patient and was about to pull his pants off.

Surprised, I looked up at him as he put his hands on mine to stop me.

"Not yet:" was all he said. His voice was unfamiliar smoky, but led to more tingling sensations in my bottom.

Jared furrowed two fingers over my labia and distracted me with a gentle kiss. Agonizingly slowly, he ran his fingers once around and past my pleasure spot.

"God, you're so wet," he gasped. I resisted the urge to grimace.

"I don't like that kind of dirty talking," I explained to him carefully.

"Oh, okay. What kind then?" He looked at me intently, but the movements of his fingers distracted me somewhat. It seemed like he was looking for something-

"How about we focus on one thing first."

I kissed him again, because we were good at that. Along the way, my hand wrapped around his and guided him firmly to the point where I needed him. Almost immediately, his finger began to gently draw circles.

"Right there.", I sighed against his mouth and dropped my head onto his shoulders. Jared's other hand continued up and down my thigh. I now had my arms around his neck, so he could work undisturbed.

He was consistent and patient. I had already noticed this in the last few weeks of our relationship, but now I really realized the importance of these qualities. As if on their own, my legs spread out, so he could have better access. I exhaled shakily, my body yearning for more. Without further thought, my hand settled over my chest and took attention to it.

"You like that?",

I heard Jared ask hesitantly. I just nodded, too caught up in the pleasure to answer. Slowly, Jared increased the pace and his grip on my leg tightened. My moans were muffled by his shoulders. I felt like my body was burning up, and I longed to cool down. The grip around my chest became rougher, and I left my other hand on the back of his neck, pulling him down to me.

"Faster.", I mumbled before eagerly capturing his lips. This kiss was not patient and gentle, but dirty and greedy. At one point, I felt his teeth. Jared was no longer drawing circles, but making frantic and choppy movements. I quickly corrected him and groaned loudly as he found the right pace.

"Fuck, yes," I gasped. My hips had taken control and were meeting his movements. I took turns massaging my breasts, getting closer and closer to my climax. My legs tightened, my hand dug into his hair, and I was no longer able to concentrate on kissing him. Instead, he leaned his forehead against mine.

"Open your eyes, look at me," I heard his voice through the rapidly rushing blood.

It wasn't easy for me, but I looked up at him with half-open eyes.

"You're so beautiful, you know that?" He slowly increased his speed, causing my eyelids to fall shut. Groaning, I submitted to the feeling.

"No, open your eyes and look at me while you come," Jared murmured. I bit my lips as I looked into his eyes. He nodded and smiled proudly.

"Yeah, just like that. Now you can come."

As if my body had just been waiting for it, my muscles contracted internally, and I let out a long-drawn-out moan. My hand had tightened around my breast; it was painful, but a good kind of pain. Jared's gaze held me captive the whole time he was doing this.

After I came down from my climax, I dropped my head to his shoulder and leaned against him.

"We should go upstairs."

[moxfirefly]

Been thinking a lot about Hellboy lately (hah no surprise there) so what about 14. "I just can't help myself when you look like that." with his werewolf gf surprising him with lingerie?

Friend how can I not? Some fun lingerie inspired activities with out resident demon and werewolf couple coming right up!

Rated Explicit (18+ only)

You were blaming France for this particular mood.

And how could you not? Paris was in fact the city of love, no? So what if you were there on B.P.R.D orders to hunt god knows what. Hellboy was with you and the little village like place the two of you had been shacked up in just got the mood flowing.

When the plane had landed here you hadn’t missed the irony of the geographical position you were in. Some do folder intern had voiced it in jest, an American werewolf in Paris. Hellboy being well Hellboy, had quite wittily reminded the young man if he happened to know how that one goes, before shooting him a telling glance. That had been the end of the so called jest.

The monster sightings had been hard to track or simply to lure out, so with Alice and Liz in tow the three of you had opted for a little sight seeing under the guise of getting to know the locals and getting the 4–1-1 on this whole situation. The local shops were quaint and spoke of the little towns history but speaking from shop keeper to shop keeper had proven unyielding. One of the places you had entered had a small row of very dainty and handmade lingerie.

Well, you did have a very handsome half demon waiting for you. There was no sense in not getting something the two of you could enjoy. There was a nice lacy black number, mostly see through, extremely fragile looking, yup this would do.

Evening had fallen when you had returned with the girls, bidding them a goodbye and completely not missing the wink Alice shot you, you set up to get ready.

To say you wouldn’t ravish yourself while wearing this would be a complete and utter lie. The straps that crias crossed around your stomach, the lace underwear it connected with, the flimsy bra holding your breast. There was simply no way this would survive maybe more than three minutes, four minutes tops. You sat on the windowsill admiring how beautiful a sunset looked here, in your contemplations you heard the doorknob move and heavy foot falls.

“Hey babe, any luck wi-“ Hellboy could be rendered speechless with the right moves but a full stop? A full moment to just stand and drag his golden orbs over flesh and straps and lace?

Okay two minutes tops.

“How was your day?” You turned, making quite the show of crossing your legs, making the fabric tighten. Hellboy’s gaze followed your legs and everything he could envision doing bombarded his brain in seconds.

“Fuck my day, my night just got a million times better” He shrugged off his heavy coat and casted it aside, his steps were halted when you shook your finger at him. “Over in the bed please, sit” Oh you were calling shots? Night officially the best. He did just that, letting his heavy frame to sit on the edge of the bed, he took the moment to kick off his boots and socks. You sauntered over towards him and the full view only made him swallow. In front of him, hands on his broad shoulders, you leaned down enough to make sure your breast were close to his eye sight and whispered.

“You wanna see my version of an American werewolf in Paris?” You grinned when Hellboy licked his lips and flesh and stone landed on your hips. “I would like that” He whispered back to you, lust evident in his tone.

You only felt about a third of the way bad for whoever happened to be your neighbor.

But another chunk (a much bigger chunk) did not fucking care.

True to your predictions, your new lingerie clung to your body in broken ribbons. Your breast were out, one of the criss cross straps around your stomach had survived but hole Hellboy had torn on the underwear had them basically useless.

You weren’t helping either, nails dug onto his chest as you rode him with every intention of devouring him (poor choice of words). You felt stone and flesh grip your hips, aiding you in the rhythm of you thrusted down onto him. Hellboy grunted, each slap of skin only urging him forward to claim what was his. “Fuck baby, you look-fucking perfect” He smirked when a particular raise of his hips made your eyes roll back. His size and girth in this position always managed to make you push for him. His flesh hand landed a rather harsh pop to your rear, it made your open your eyes as your mouth hung in desire.

“I just can’t help myself when you look like that” He grunted out the words, raining down a few more smacks to your rear and delighting when the last few made you moan and hiss. Time had broken him out of his concerns of hurting you, even after finding out what you were, he still had his reservations. But you had delighted in showing him just how much you could take when it came to his strength.

Placing your palms more firmly on his chest, feeling the muscles there, you set about riding him to a bruising pace. The bed shook, headboard smacked and you really could care less about whoever your neighbor was. Your mind only wanted two things, the demon below you and his cock.

“Ah fuck!” You felt the way his stone right hand culled your rear as the other gripped an ass check for leverage, he used that to ram you down onto his stiff length over and over until you felt that he was the one controlling your movements. “That’s it baby, that’s it, bounce on it” Hellboy groaned lowly as he used you, and god did you love being used by him. You felt his tail snake across your reddened cheeks, the sensation making your toes curl as that familiar precipice approached. That sneaky tail prodded your other hole, just enough pressure that made you shook with desire. While the two of you had never discuss activities of that nature, you had quickly found out you liked feeling a little something there. It made the release even stronger.

Speaking of which.

It hit you and boy did it hit you. Off guard, off balanced and hard enough to make you stiffen above him with a lengthy longing moan. Hellboy held you, helped you ride that wave to its final shuddering splash. Feeling him keep hold of you, slamming you down onto him with enough force the bed made another protesting sound. Hellboy found his own release just like that, with a low guttural groan that had his hips raised and shooting into you. The five of each rope making your thighs spasm.

You collapsed atop of him, breathing fast and hard much as he was. The force of it had the two of you in slow motion but for now, you cared little for the after.

Right now all you wanted to do was lay above him, tail running down the back of your rear lazily.

You pressed a kiss to his chest, the warmth around and in you lulling you into sleep.