#but the moment a relationship isn’t defined by the standard of ‘oh

[hypertechnica]

star trek as a concept is completely sexless. it is utterly devoid of sex. not one drop of convincing sexual tension has ever graced the screen on any star trek show. the weird unintentionally homoerotic psychosexual mind game shit on the other hand,

[lockes-woods]

Kinktober '24 Day 6

Request: wee and probably badly phrased idea but: ftm!reader soft domming (or topping, though still sub if that makes sense) shanks / mihawk for the first time. alternatively, first time anal as something kind of gender affirming could be for kinktober, or a standard request whichever one you'd prefer or fits best

Requested By; Anon

WARNINGS: bondage, handcuffs, attempted dom!reader, PIV, creampie, oral

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Fuck you couldn’t believe you were actually here, straddling Mihawk’s chest his wrist restrained in a pair of handcuffs hooked around the bars of your headboard. You had been begging for a while, maybe even before you were officially an item, to top one or both of your partners. While you knew that gender didn't define bedroom preferences, it made you slightly dysphoric that you had only ever been dominated. You glance over your shoulder to check on Shanks’ position. He was restrained to a chair, his full attention on your and Mihawk’s form. While you had been fantasizing about this moment you were anxious about how to exactly execute it in a satisfying way. You bit your lip as your anxiety began to build. What if you weren’t good enough? What if they aren’t satisfied by the end? What if you don’t treat them equally in their release and only one of them gets off? You continued to internally spiral before Mihawk derailed your train of thought.

“Darling?” he asked neutrally.

“Yes Si-Um,” you stuttered out. You continued to feel uneasy. You had no idea how to refer to Mihawk other than calling him sir. He was and has always been your (& Shanks) Sir. You supposed that you could default to just his name, but that felt too estranged for an intimate moment like this.

“Are you still feeling, okay?” he asked, ignoring your mental crisis on what to call him.

“Y-yeah,” you nodded, taking a breath before starting to think how all your fantasies have been.

“Do you know why you're tied up?” You asked looking down at Mihawk stationed on his back as you laid flush with his pecs.

“Because we decided fuck without you,” Mihawk answered plainly. You had an agreement as partners to always be straightforward in your relationship. Their fucking and trying to hide it qualified them for a punishment of your choosing. 

“Do you consent to whatever punishment I see fit?”

“Yes,” He replied again, focus never leaving the sight of your bare pussy that was close enough to admire, but not touch.

“You’re going to eat me out til I cum. Is that understood.?”

“Yes,” Mihawk answered once again. You nodded at his response before shuffling over his mouth. A whine escaped you as his hot exhales tickled your clit.

“This is so unfair,” Shanks groaned, “Eating you out is a privilege, not a punishment.”

“Oh, that’s exactly why Mihawk gets the ‘privilege’ while you have to sit and watch. This isn’t his punishment, it’s yours.” You explain with a smirk as you lower down, flush with his mouth. As always Shanks had initiated the behavior that you were punishing them for today. You had to contain a whine at the sensation of Mihawk’s facial hair tickling your inner thighs. You moaned unabashed as Mihawk licked upward from your opening to your clit. He alternated between sucking it, and thrusting his tongue into your opening, lapping forward. You panted as he expertly took you closer and closer to your relief. Your hand slipped between your thighs gripping onto Mihawk’s hair firmly, tugging on it the closer you get. Your tugs pulled a moan from the swordsman causing your thighs to snap around his head as you came hard. You panted, lifting yourself off his face, swinging your leg to the right as you climbed off him. While your orgasm was a perfect punishment for Shanks it led you to a cloudy mind.

You crawled back over Mihawk trying to form your next plan of attack, but you couldn’t hold a thought. Your mind was blank. Tears of frustration pricked at your eyes as you began to feel overwhelmed with options you hadn’t even considered. Before any tears could fall you dropped down on Mihawk’s chest and hid your face in his neck.

“Handsome?” he questioned lightly once again, “Are you alright?”

“I-I can’t do it,” you confessed, pulling just far enough away from Mihawk’s neck to be heard.

“That’s okay love, we can always try another time.” Mihawk said comfortingly, “Would you like me or Daddy to step in?”

“Yes,” you replied, voice muffled from Mihawk’s neck.

“Which of us?” he asked.

“Either? Both of you, I don’t care I know I just can’t” you clarify, pulling away from Mihawk’s neck.

“Alright, darling, why don’t you start by undoing my handcuffs? Then we can decide what we’re gonna do with Daddy.” Mihawk directed. You took a deep breath, before fully pulling back. You and Mihawk shared a soft look before you reached above him and freed him of the cuffs. In an instant he wrapped his arms around you, and sat up, positioning you in his lap.

“Hey, Sir,” you said shyly looking up at your partner.

“Hello, love,” He replied, with a quirked smile, before pulling you into a soft kiss, that he dominated. You sighed happily into the kiss, relieved to no longer be in the position of control. You could feel his member still standing prominent between you.

“Sir, can I help?” you asked, shyly looking up at him for permission.

“Of course, darling, where do you want me?” he asked.

“Maybe-maybe you could fuck me from behind while daddy watches?” you suggest. Mihawk hummed in contemplation as he comfortingly rubbed up and down your back. Your body didn’t know how to react to that stimulation. You felt relieved, but also like your heart was going to explode.

“I know you were anxious this time, but you do have the making of a good dominant. You just have to be more self-assured.” He commented, pecking your forehead. You could feel the blood rushing to your face under his attention and note. He helped you get into position so that your chest was flush to the bed, and your ass raised to meet his hips. You let out a gasp as the head of Mihawk’s cock breached your opening; there was barely any resistance thanks to his earlier preparation. Simultaneously Shanks let out a groan at the sight of your fucked out expression as Mihawk thrusted into you slowly at first before picking up speed as your body adjusted.

“Fuck,” you moaned, satisfied with the deep stretch of your love within you.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” Mihawk moaned, “such a good boy taking Sir like this.”

Shanks whined unabashed as he fought against his restraints to find any relief from his aching cock.

“Fuck, sir, can I-can I please-” you begged, beginning to get higher and higher off your lover’s technique.

“Go on love,” he encourages you before addressing Shanks, “Look him in the eye while I make him cum.”

You let out a shouted moan, locking eyes with Shanks as your second orgasm rips through you. Shanks can only pant desperately in response, tied too well to allow for release. You collapse onto the bed as Mihawk begins to overstimulate you as he uses your body to find his own high.

“Fuck, Sir please, I can’t-I can’t” you groaned, on the edge of pain and pleasure. Before your body can revert back to pleasure Mihawk came hard deep inside you. He collapsed on top of you. Staying still for a moment before rolling off of you.

“What do you say, baby, you want to help Shanks or just watch?” Mihawk prompted.

Gaining, just enough energy to crawl from the foot of the bed towards him was a herculean task. You kitten licked the tip of his cock before committing and beginning to suck him off in full earnest. Shanks moaned, wildly thrusting up into the heat of your mouth. You closed your eyes basking in the feeling of being of used to your lovers. You only focus back in when you feel a slight stutter in Shanks’ thrust. You open your mouth wide, taking his load with ease after months of practice. You fall back to sit on your lower legs before Mihawk gently picks you up and deposits you on the bed as he begins to untie Shanks. You stay awake as your two loves slip into bed beside you. You all basked in the silence for a moment before you broke it.

“I’m sorry,” you let out, between a whisper and your normal volume.

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Shanks reminded you gently, “You did so good for your first time.”

“It takes practice when learning any skill, you’ll have better luck next time,” Mihawk said, pressing a kiss to your forehead. Shanks pressed one to your left shoulder blade, before settling up against you. You all fell asleep in a pile, much like you did every night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MASTERLIST

A/N: This isn't my best work, but I'm honestly just happy to keep the streak going. I'm planning to edit tomorrow. My dad was on a camping trip this weekend so I haven't slept well the past few nights since I was home alone. He got back an hour ago so I'm hoping I can get some rest.

Stay tuned tomorrow for Tsunade x AFAB! Reader

[flowerwiththemachinegun]

Well. This isn’t my fault. @ghost-analogy thanks for the never dying image of Tseng finessing underwear.

So here are some hc’s of Tseng the Panty Thief.

Me @ my brain cause it won’t chill and let me focus on anything now

Qualifications/Preferences?

*clears throat* Is this weird? Potentially. Do I care? Not these days.

So I mean, he’s not just going to steal any underwear right? There has to be standards with these things of course.

Those lacy cheeky panties that really define your ass and they’re your favorite color? Gone the first moment he peeled them off of you. Your favorite color is now his favorite color, don’t let this fool you into thinking these are the only ones he’ll make disappear. Any color he finds to perfectly complement your complication? You know it. Gone. The style also dictates if he’ll take them or not. Tseng loves seeing you in everything, there’s just certain ones he wants to take with him. Especially if he’s gone for an extended period of time.

Back to qualifications, I’ll get that back to the last point.

Must be worn. What did that meme say? He’s just tryna smell how your day has been. (I don’t think he’d take them if you’ve been super sweaty…though you never really know with these kind of people.)

Time. There must be a time gap between robberies. It’s not because he doesn’t want you to notice. Tseng will look you in the eye while he’s neatly folding them into a nice little square to go in his pocket. (Last time he didn’t Rude caught a cute little olive thong hanging out of his pocket)

Where does he take them/Why?

Of all items to take with him of yours on extended missions would be…your underwear. And it sounds a little crazy right? Good. It should. But it’s easy to carry around, they don’t get in the way, they smell like you. He also knows it’s not something he’d lose. (Not like he’s the type to lose track anything, let’s be serious. He’s just full of excuses.)

Claims he likes the way the fabric feels under his fingers. Which this might actually track. It’s still a little strange? But he does stop to play with the edge of your panties quite a bit. Kind of like one of those people that find a texture of fabric they really like and won’t stop touching it? (Felt I do it too) it’s like a hyperfixation. Though you hope he’s not sitting in the middle of his office rolling your lingerie between his fingers. (Or you might hope for it man, whatever floats your boat. I wouldn’t mind.)

Meetings. I love this one, most of the time he’ll forget they’re in his pocket. The times he does remember he can’t help but reach for them, letting his fingers graze against them. The longer the meeting, the more likely it is to happen. Of course he won’t take them out, not around people. Part of the excitement is just having them and no one knows.

Special occasion sex? Yes. Anniversaries and dates are also when this is more likely to occur. Fucking in the car, office, training room? You’ll have to go home without them, he really won’t want to give them back right then and there.

Who?

Only people near and dear to his heart. This is something he does in serious relationships, never otherwise. There’s just no interest in it that way. Why would he want some random persons draws? It’s always better when it’s from someone you love.

Ex? Yes, if you’re that ex that Tseng oh so toxically can’t leave alone expect him to take them. Out of spite. Imagine him snooping through your drawer and he notices all of this brand new panties that are supposed to only be seen by him while your ass is smooshing his face. So since he isn’t around how he use to be….who is this for? Guess he’ll have to take them. The only exception to the worn underwear rule. He won’t take all of them no. But the ones he knows he’s deserving of you putting on a show for him in, he’s definitely taking. Nobody else can see you in those at least and he’s trying his best (hardly) to be discreet.

Rufus. Do I really need to justify this one?

[tkfevents]

Overcoming the Stereotype: Black Businesses and Professionalism

When Things Go Wrong, Do They Define Us?

I pride myself on professionalism. Whether in law enforcement or running TKF Events, I hold myself to a high standard. So, when our last event didn’t go as planned, it hit different.

If you read the previous blog, you already know:

We were late.

We were short on centerpieces.

Our infinity numbers didn’t work.

And while the client said they loved the décor, I knew it wasn’t my best work.

Now, let me be clear—things happen in business. Mistakes are inevitable. But what bothered me wasn’t just the mistakes. It was how they made me feel—like I had, in that moment, become the very stereotype we fight against.

The Reality of Black-Owned Businesses & Stereotypes

I know some will say, “Oh, you’re making this about race.” But as a Black woman who grew up in the Black community, I know what I’ve seen and heard. Scroll through TikTok for any amount of time, and you’ll see a video critiquing a Black-owned business.

"They never answer the phone."

"They always late."

"They don’t have good customer service."

"They’re disorganized."

I’ve heard it all, and the frustrating part? Sometimes, it’s true.

When a Black-owned business makes a mistake, the consequences often hit harder. One bad review can stall growth. One unhappy client can discourage referrals. The margin for error feels smaller.

Which is why I felt this situation mattered.

The Ripple Effect of Referrals—What Happens Now?

What makes this situation harder is that we were recommended for this event.

Someone who genuinely supports TKF Events put their reputation on the line to vouch for us.

And now?

I wonder—how does this impact their relationship with the client?

I made sure to personally notify my referral partner about the mishaps because I didn’t want them to be blindsided. The last thing I want is for them to have to apologize for us.

I don’t take recommendations lightly. If someone refers me, I want them to feel proud of that referral. That’s what keeps businesses growing—strong word-of-mouth and repeat customers.

This has me thinking—what does this mean for future recommendations? Will they hesitate to refer us again?

I know no one died, and I might be overthinking it. But when you’ve worked this hard to build a brand, every experience matters.

This isn’t just about one event. It’s about ensuring that TKF Events continues to be a brand people trust and recommend.

Was I Making Excuses or Holding Myself Accountable?

I apologized to the client in person. I even sent a follow-up email. But for me, that wasn’t enough. I wanted to make it right. I even asked Ki’Yanna if we should offer a discount. She shut that down quick. 😂

She’s the money person for a reason. And she reminded me—we didn’t fail. We delivered the event. We corrected what needed to be corrected. And the client still had a great experience.

But let me tell you what really bothered me…

What REALLY Bothered Me?

It wasn’t the money. It wasn’t the mistakes. It wasn’t even the stereotypes.

It was that I didn’t get the excitement I love to hear when a client walks in. That over-the-top "OH MY GOD! This is BEAUTIFUL!"

That’s what keeps me going. That’s what makes all the late nights and long hours worth it.

That’s what fuels me to keep building TKF Events into a luxury brand.

How Do We Overcome the Stereotypes?

So now the real question: How do we, as Black business owners, ensure we rise above the negative narratives?

1. Systems & Structure Are Everything

One of the biggest issues small businesses (especially new ones) face is organization.

Have detailed contracts so expectations are clear.

Require final payments early so there’s no last-minute issues.

Use automation tools to send reminders, confirm orders, and track progress.

Keep backup supplies for common mishaps.

When clients see that you run a well-oiled machine, they trust you more.

2. Communication, Communication, Communication

We were late—and I take full accountability for that. But imagine if I had communicated sooner.

Clients don’t always need perfection, but they need peace of mind.

3. Under-Promise, Over-Deliver

Some businesses over-sell what they can do and end up falling short. The best way to impress clients? Give them more than they expected.

4. Have a Strong Brand Identity

I am very intentional about building TKF Events into a luxury brand. That means:

Clear, consistent messaging (we are NOT a budget brand).

High-end visuals (quality photos, well-presented content).

Premium customer experience (from inquiry to execution).

Moving Forward With Excellence

My good friend Nary told me to move on. Soleil said the same thing. But this situation isn’t just about one event. It’s about the kind of business I want to run.

I don’t care what industry you’re in—your business will have challenges.

What defines you isn’t if you make a mistake. It’s how you bounce back.

For me? I’m using this experience to be even better.

Because TKF Events? We are NOT “one of those” businesses. We are a luxury brand in the making.

And trust me—next time, when a client walks in, I’ll hear that scream of excitement again. 🎉

[shushiyuii]

You’re my companion?

Apologises, I may, may not have speed ran this for a certain day. And I may, may not be sleep deprived hence there may be many grammar issues. I just hope its good to read wndjnjadna

Warnings: Soft vore, almost death and mistreatment. (It’s all fluff I promise, I know the warnings look bad-)

Words: 1.9K

Techno who’s lived for centuries, feared by so many as the blood god who’s ruined families, villages and won so many wars, be brothers with someone so contrasting to his personality get along? How did the gods decide this upon him? Perhaps to teach him a lesson about something like compassion or kindness?

In this world, people who are chosen are destined to be paired with what is called a “companion “. Companions are tiny beings of magic, the stronger the bond, the stronger the magic. They seem quite human despite the many defining traits that make them so different, the main trait being the companions’ small size, tiny even. They could be the size of your dog or the size of your hand. Many see companions as family, close friends, guardians even children in some cases, they’re bound to do great things. So how did somebody as horrifying and merciless gain a companion?

His companion was Tommy, a little companion by the size of the half of his hand, which by human standards, be about the size of their hand. Tommy was quite the energetic companion which complimented his magic, his magic being able to transfer his magical energy to his partner, which was Techno in this case. Tommy came in use in situations where Techno’s opponent somehow gained the upper hand, not many knew he had Tommy, so he came into use with those cases, Techno gaining strength and easily overpowering his enemies.

He and Tommy did not get along. When Tommy came to be, he tried befriending Techno so many times, it never worked. They always tried to avoid each other whenever possible, hence why they’re described as brothers by his mentor, Philza and his companion Wilbur. His relationship with Wilbur was so much different to his and Tommy’s, Philza was laid back and Wilbur was sociable so the two get along quite easily, they even get along with Tommy!

He didn’t understand how tough, how did they get along with somebody so irritating? He was so annoying, always yelling, loud, problematic. Overall a nuisance.

From Tommy’s point of view, he always felt mistreated and used by Techno, not in a bad sense but the only times Tommy would be able to act with Techno is in battle when Techno calls it. It’s frustrating, both he and Techno have a sense of adventure so why don’t they get along? It’s just Techno’s so stubborn.

Tommy huffed in frustration as he sat in a pile of flowers, the flowers always brought him comfort, he found it fun to pick off the petals one by one as time passes. It’s really the only thing he can do while away from Technoblade.

“TOMMY!”. Somebody yelled in the distance. He looked back as he had heard Wilbur, approaching in the distance. “There you are you fucking gremlin. Phil is worried about you”. Tommy huffed and smiled, “Why does that old man worry about me?”, “Because we care about you, dweeb”. Wilbur ruffled his hair as Tommy stood up. Wilbur was double the size of Tommy, his transparent skin and blue gradients in his sweater and hair, his eyes with no pupils, a full white. Very different from Tommy’s glowing gold hair, goat-like tail and horns.

They began to walk back to Philza’s cottage. “You worried about Techno again?”.  Tommy groaned, “COURSE I AM MAN! He just- He never lets me get along or help him! It’s annoying, I’m a companion for a reason”. He sighed, “You know that rumour Wilbur if companions don’t get along with their partner, they’ll disappear… I don’t want to disappear!”. Wilbur looked at him worriedly, “Toms, hey-“ Wilbur held his shoulder and looked at him in the eyes with reassurance. “You aren’t going to disappear, not if I have anything to do with it. You and Techno will get along, just give it time”.

They made it back to the cottage and there sat at the table talking was Philza with Techno. They were talking about their latest adventures and battles. “So, you really managed to defeat him so easily? The dream? The legend?”, Tommy and Wilbur made it to the top of the table thanks to Wilbur’s floating abilities. “Heh, yeah and it was pretty easy too.”. Tommy snorted, “It was easy because I gave you my energy, Asshole.”. Techno looked over to see his companion had returned, his red eyes narrowed as he exhaled through his nose, making his annoyance apparent. “Oh! Tommy, Wilbur! I’m glad to see you’re back safely!”. Philza smiled.

As the words came out of Philza’s mouth, Technoblade stood up and made eye contact with Tommy, making it apparent to him that they were leaving and went to grab his bag. “Leaving so soon?”. “Yep, got a couple of things to pick up in town before I leave off to the next adventure”. He laid his bag on the table for Tommy to hop into.

Tommy said his farewells as he hopped into Techno’s bag, the bag he’d probably stay in for the next week. Once he was in, Techno lifted the bag and made his way to the door, before he said goodbye for the final time, Philza cut him off. “Techno, before you go. Please, try to bond with Tommy”. There was a sad tone in his voice, when he looked back both he and his companion had sorrowful faces, something was worrying them. He knew what but he couldn’t even bother, so to put it simply he left through the door.

It had been about a couple of hours since that talk, Tommy had remained completely silent, not saying anything. Usually, he was trying to get Techno’s attention by now, by climbing out of his bag to his shoulder and yelling into his ear. Even more, time went by in the forest and no noise from Tommy, by then it was night. By the time he had decided it was time to settle down for the night, he heard a noise in a nearby bush.

He huffed as he went over to investigate it, as he peered into the bush it was quickly interrupted by something hitting him right in the face, the next thing he knew was that he felt incredibly weak. He was surrounded by glass shards. A weakness potion.

His mind immediately went to Tommy, his eyes rushed over to his bag. Only for a figure to dash over him and make it to his bag before him. The figure picked it up and began to rummage through it, only to feel something quite squishy and soft. He brought out the squishy thing only for it to be Tommy.

But Tommy didn’t look the same as usual, his glow was dim, and he looked to be fading. “Well, well, well. Look what we got here.” He held Tommy as if he were presenting an object to show and tell. “The Blood God has a companion, and it’s fading. Not a surprise”. The cloaked figure brought down his hood to reveal his white, smiley mask.

“Dream”. Technoblade’s voice was low with venom. “Let him go”. A low growl could be heard rumbling from his throat to which Dream laughed. Tommy woke up at the sudden noise, “Techno?” He groaned as he was waking up, not sure of the situation, “What’s going on?”. He wiped at his eyes. To say Tommy felt exhausted was an understatement, he felt so weak. He looked down at his hands to see that they were transparent, and some parts of his hands had disappeared. He screamed at the realization.

A low laugh could be heard from Dream, “that’s right, little one”. Tommy looked up at the hand who held him, he recognised it to be Dream. “TECHNO!”. He yelled in panic. Techno was drawn out of his thoughts and looked to Tommy, his eyes filled with worry. Techno realised something. He was a complete asshole to Tommy, he had a companion for a reason, the gods had given him someone who understood him, someone other than Phil and Wilbur, someone who made him stronger and better, and he’d taken advantage of it. “TOMMY!” He yelled back.

He stood up with whatever his body would allow him to and ran over to dream in a dashing tackle, trying to pin him down. Tommy fell out of his hands onto the dirt floor. Techno knew he couldn’t hold Dream down for long with the effects of this weakness potion. In a daze, he picked up Tommy and ran as far as he could into the forest, “HEY!” could be heard as he ran in the distance.

He ran and ran for what felt like forever and had managed to gain distance from Dream for a moment’s while. He looked down at his hands to see Tommy not looking too good himself, he was still fading. “Toms?...”. He whispered and got groan of pain in response. “Listen, we both know I’m not good with the talking stuff…”. He muttered and shook his head. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? Please, just be, okay?! Please?! I hate seeing you like this!”.

“TECHNOBLADE”. Could be heard in the distance of the forest, it wouldn’t be long before Dream caught up to them, “Tommy please!”. He shook his small body then remembered something.

“Hey Techno!”. It was Tommy trying to gain his attention again, annoying him as he sharpened his weapon. “What?” he muttered in a low voice. “You know how you’re a piglin right? With that whole- second stomach- storage thing? What if you stored me and I could buff you up? That way you wouldn’t have to worry about me in combat and I’d be completely safe?”.

His memory faded to black as he looked back down at his little companion, Tommy looked so weak, he had to keep him safe. So, he gently lifted Tommy towards his face, and carefully placing him in his mouth. He could feel Tommy’s stiff and tense body, relax at the warmth of his body. He had to keep Tommy safe, the thought of that alone made him swallow him down despite voices screams. He was gentle as he could be as he felt Tommy fall into his storage.

“TECHNO!”. Dream had finally caught up to them, He looked over to him with fury in his eyes. “Listen Dream! Back off!”. He growled as he stood up, a hand laying protectively over his stomach. “Where’d your little companion go, huh?  Finally faded, did he?”. He which made Technoblade snarl.  “You wish, that kid’s got balls. He isn’t going any time soon.�� And a small voice confirmed it “You got that right”. It was Tommy’s voice.

The next thing he knew is that he felt the strength of their magic. He smirked and immediately ran at Dream. After a few quick punches and kicks, Dream was running away. And so, Techno made his way back to his camp. “Let’s keep you in there for the night, Alright? I’m sure we’re both exhausted” He mumbled as he laid back against a tree. “Agreed”.

Both fell asleep peacefully that night.

And the next day, when Tommy was back out. He was normal, maybe even better. And from that day onward. He and Tommy were a lot closer.

[dragonknightblue]

Kid Math getting a girlfriend, because he can be in a relationship even if he’s aro/ ace.

He is in civilian form and introduces her to Becky since she’s his big sister.

Becky happily shaking her hand and asking a million questions because she’s excited.

“Oh but you don’t have to answer any of them if they make you uncomfortable!”, said Becky.

“It’s okay! We met one day at the candy store. He was counting how many sunbursts were in each jar.”, she said.

“And she told me she could figure it out faster!”, he said.

“I turned the jars up side down and read the label.”, she said.

They all laughed and Becky invited them over for juice and muffins.

————-

“Then I got gum all over my homework, it was horrible!”, Kid’s girlfriend said.

“What did you do after that?”, asked Becky.

“I begged my teacher to give me another copy and extra time.”, she said.

“And did they?”, Becky asked.

“Yes actually.”, she smiled.

Kid Math watched as his two favorite girls talked and got up from his seat to put the plates a way.

“You don’t have to do that.”, said Becky.

“I insist! I am your guest after all.”, he said.

“I love how responsible he is!”, his girlfriend said.

————-

“Hey, I’m sorry if this is rude but I have to make sure you aren’t a bad idea. I trust him and I want to trust you, but I don’t know you. So… can I ask….”, said Becky.

“I don’t mind!”, she said.

“What do you know about being aromatic and asexual?”, asked Becky.

“Aromatic is when you don’t feel romantic emotions. Asexual is when you don’t feel well you know, those emotions.”, she defined.

“Are there things you wish he does that others do?”, asked Becky.

“No, I’m satisfied with holding hands and the occasional hug.”, she said.

“Have you ever did something that made him feel uncomfortable?”, Becky asked.

“He would tell me if I have, so far he has said nothing, I encourage that he does.”, she said.

“Hm….be honest, are you happy with being in an intellectual relationship with minimal contact?”, asked Becky.

“I promise you, I am very happy with him. I can be myself with him and he’s plenty affectionate with his words and small gestures.”, she said.

Becky studied her for a moment before speaking again.

“I will trust you, however I hope you understand that if your relationship isn’t up to healthy standards- I will separate you two even if he hates me for it.”, Becky said.

“I doubt we will break up, but if we do- I would prefer for it to be mutual and without bad feelings.”, she swore.

“I hope so as well.”, Becky shook her hand.

Kid Math came back with more muffins and juice.

———————

I don’t ship Kid Math with anyone but he will have relationship experience. He is a cute little guy!

[hualianff]

More Than This

Modern AU where famous actor HC and landscaper XL meet through a dating app. HC had a reputation of being a massive flirt who bedded people left and right, which wasn’t completely wrong–just blown out of proportion. His partners were usually other celebrities who mutually swore to keep their mouths shut in the preservation of their own images.

When HC received a message on the dating app asking about the brand of the wristwatch he wore in his profile pic (which only showcased his hands), the other user hoping to purchase a cheaper, similar style for his friend’s birthday, HC responded for the first time since downloading the app.

What could he say? The other man was gorgeous and if he were simply asking just to slide into HC’s DMs, the actor wasn’t opposed.

Turns out XL asked out of genuine curiosity. FX’s birthday was still a month away. Why XL thought about gifting him a watch similar to the one the stranger wore when XL should’ve been paying attention to the sheer strength those large hands seemed to possess was beyond him.

The name in the bio read: San Lang. The few pictures that were displayed on his profile were minimalistic yet downright sexy. XL blinked in wonder as he typed out another message, hoping to continue the conversation.

Two weeks after chatting back and forth through the app, XL asked if he could meet HC in person. The actor pondered this for a grand total of thirty seconds before agreeing to meet. XL seemed like a sincere character, someone who put other peoples’ comfort above any task at hand–if his emoticon overkill and frequent check-ins with HC were anything to go by.

HC figured he’d cross the bridge once XL recognized him as a well-loved actor starring in the hottest films in the media.

Except when HC arrived in his expensive jeep that screamed wealth, dressed in appropriate clothes for a hike with a baseball cap concealing his features from far away, XL did not have an aha! moment.

“Hello, San Lang! It’s me, Xie Lian,” XL waved as he bounced his way over. “I hope the ride up the mountain wasn’t too scary. You get used to it once you begin visiting more often. Thank you for meeting with me today.”

“It’s no problem at all. Nice to meet you, Xie Lian,” HC greets, guiding them away from his car as soon as he locks the doors, not wanting to draw any onlookers’ attention.

XL gives him a kind smile, adjusting the clasp of his bamboo hat. He explains that there are three main trails and he was thinking they could take the medium-level route. Judging from his white work-out T, jean shorts, and hiking boots, HC deduces that XL spends much time outside, even when he’s not gardening for his clients.

“Lead the way, Gege,” HC says, the title naturally falling from his lips. In XL’s dating profile, his age read thirty-two, just under three years older than HC. (This was followed by a dozen tree, flower, and water emoticons.)

“Okay! Onwards.”

Following their initial meeting, HC met up with XL numerous times after, attracted to XL’s mellow and eccentric personality. Whenever it was XL’s turn to plan their time together, he brought HC to different places each time. National parks, plant nurseries, museums–places that could be considered unconventional compared to the standard meetups from dating apps.

HC’s fondness for XL only grew because of this.

Their chemistry flourished in the bedroom as well, both HC and XL eager for giving and receiving pleasure. In addition to being fuckbuddies, they quickly developed a wholesome friendship that HC never saw coming.

But then again, this was XL. Once HC got a taste, his infatuation with the landscaper shouldn’t be surprising. HC stopped seeing his other speed dials after he met XL.

One of their nights ended by watching a film, XL mentioning off-handedly how he doesn't keep up with pop culture–including popular films–but his friend SQX had begged XL to watch this one. Of course, this had to be a film HC was in, one of his most recent projects. There was no avoiding the impending reveal.

They sit side-by-side on XL’s lumpy couch, watching the movie when XL gasps as the antagonist comes into view.

That is his San Lang! On the screen!

When XL pokes HC on the bicep, asking why the actor hadn’t told him, HC simply says that “My fame isn’t important to who I am.”

To HC’s surprise, XL accepts the answer without protest, nodding.

“San Lang is San Lang, who happens to be a marvelous actor,” XL solemnly says, flashing HC a delighted smile. HC hums in content, subtly repositioning his arm so it rested on the back of the couch, curling around XL’s shoulders.

Except after the movie ended and a google search later, XL finds out that San Lang isn’t San Lang after all.

“Should I call you Hua Cheng from now on? Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I’ve been calling you the wrong name for three months now-” XL rushes out, guilt painted across his face.

“Gege, it’s fine. I used it as an alias for my profile to protect my identity,” HC explains. He reaches forward to tuck a long strand of XL’s hair behind his ear. “Besides, I quite like it when you call me San Lang.”

“Really?” XL sheepishly asks.

“Really.”

From that moment on, HC and XL clicked perfectly, learning more about each other when time permitted them to meet up. XL felt a little foolish for not knowing who HC was as a celebrity. But like HC said, his fame did not define him as a person, which XL clearly saw from the playful way he held himself when there were no cameras around.

HC matched XL’s enthusiasm in whatever activity they were doing, even if it was something XL’s previous partners couldn’t care less about. Eight months into their arrangement, XL finally admitted to himself that he had deep feelings for HC.

While they had great chemistry as friends, XL selfishly wanted more.

But how could XL ask for something more? They already agreed to keep things casual, to remain as friends who used each other to release their sexual urges. It didn’t matter how delicate HC cleaned XL up or always ran him a bath after their climaxes. It didn’t matter how HC always set out his clothes for XL to stay the night. And it didn’t matter how close HC held onto him as they slept.

XL was simply a landscaper with a passion for nature and helping others. He wasn’t built for the limelight. He was barely in the loop with societal trends, and only recently began watching the latest movies with HC–many of which HC himself acted in.

Frankly speaking, HC could have anyone he wanted. XL was the one who should be grateful HC even sought him out a second time.

XL is thirty-three now. He wanted to find someone to settle down with, to spend the rest of his life with, falling deeper in love with every single day. He was not sure HC, who was just entering his thirties and continuing to make a name for himself, would want something like that with someone like XL.

Even when every one of HC’s actions alluded that he truly cared for XL, XL had learned that hope was a dangerous thing to mindlessly cling to. XL has had past partners come into his life, then leave him like he was nothing, like none of him was worth staying for. XL didn’t think he could bear it if HC became just another name on that list.

Furthermore, XL didn’t want to put HC or his career on spot, nor put his heart in a position where it was bound to be broken.

As XL grappled with his perceived one-sided feelings, HC only allowed himself to yearn when laying on the bed in his penthouse. It was much larger than XL’s bed. It was also much lonelier.

HC was unable to grant XL the verbal confirmation of where they stood, held back by the weight of his status, which had always been his selling point alongside his hypersexualized image. Not only did HC not want to risk pressuring XL into pursuing a relationship with a celebrity, but somewhere deep inside, HC didn’t believe XL could want him for who he is–even after the year and a half they’ve known each other.

Much of HC’s self-worth had come from his accomplishments as an actor, untouchable yet fantasized by the public. Peeling back all the layers he hid behind, HC saw his true self as too ugly, damaged, and undesirable; phrases many people in his past have spat to his face, including his parents.

In HC’s mind, he had already tied XL down to their routine no-strings-attached meet-ups. While HC savored every moment he spent with XL, he didn’t want to further intrude on XL’s simple life and have the other man resent him in the end.

《II》

(Thanks to @no-one-says-hi for helping)

[itsclydebitches]

I'm sorry, I might have been unclear. ^^;; I mean that when Bakugo is told for ten years he deserves to be arrogant and ambitious, it'd be hard for him to not be. But he picked All Might as his hero, whose compassion and saving people define him. In many ways I see a neglected kid lashing out from frustration before UA. He wasn't going to change until he was among equals in class, and adults who cared enough to tell/show him more than a simple 'you're the best bc you're strong'.

OH yes yes, sorry for the miscommunication! Yeah, we've definitely seen moments in his past where Bakugo's arrogance was stoked and I think those details are the cornerstone of how sympathetically each individual reads him. Does the reader focus on the actions themselves (bullying, encouraging suicide, recklessly fighting Izuku), or the environment that led to that behavior (doting teachers, his mother, peers who egged him on). It's that line between "Bakugo is just a kid. He needs the chance to grow" and "Bakugo is the perpetrator hurting other kids. His growth should not come at the continued expense of his victim." Which is where I think the structural issues of the story come in. Meaning, both takes are right — Bakugo does horrific things and Bakugo is also a teenager whose behavior is arguably stemming from his upbringing — but it's hard to balance both sides when he's in a story where he's attending school with Izuku, his relationship with Izuku is one of the most important, and he's set from the get-go to be a hero. By making Bakugo such a crucial part of the story in the form of a) being a hero and b) being Izuku's foil, reading #1 — he's a poor kid who just needs endless chances to improve — wins out. In a better story setup, Bakugo would not be training alongside his victim. He would have been expelled from U.A. for all the stunts he pulled. His future as a hero would have been seriously called into question until he learned that bare bones respect. As it stands, the structure of the story ensures that Bakugo (to my knowledge) never faced any actual consequences for his actions, pushing a lot of messages that fans are uncomfortable with: past behavior doesn't matter, any improvement is equal to reaching a standard expected of everyone else, the best thing is to forgive your abuser, talent is prioritized over empathy, etc. Since the apology dropped, I've seen a couple of fans arguing that whether to forgive Bakugo or not is Izuku's decision. It doesn't matter what the fans think because they aren't the ones who suffered. But Izuku isn't a real person. Izuku is a character, controlled by an author who gets to decide how he reacts, knowing that lots of fans want Bakugo's behavior to be acknowledged as serious as it was. I'm currently working under the assumption that Izuku will accept Bakugo's apology because the story has never been interested in actually making Bakugo face consequences for his actions. He was established as a hero from the start, despite his unheroic behavior, which created a contradiction that has hurt the story as a whole.

For me, what it comes down to is the reaction as opposed to the explanation. If I had a kid acting like Bakugo who I know was pushed to that behavior by others and also kid acting like Bakugo for seemingly no reason... they both need to learn the same lesson. Because, as established, that over-encouragement isn't an excuse, just a possible explanation (and I say "possible" because plenty of our other heroes were likewise praised for their talents and didn't turn out like that). What it comes down to is that Bakugo is not the victim here. Was Bakugo neglected? Arguably in some respects, but we know for a fact — seeing from the very start of the series — how much damage Bakugo has done in turn. And yet the story is focused on his pain, his struggle, the tragedy of what supposedly drove a teenager to encourage someone to jump off a roof, rather than the tragedy of a minority kid bullied to the point of someone encouraging suicide. That's the flaw imo. Both kids deserve to work through their problems and have their stories told, but doing that together — putting both at the heart of the manga, as equals in terms of their status as heroes — really doesn't work for me. It's hard to get invested in the supposed tragedy of a kid who was endlessly praised and decided to turn that into despising everyone "lesser" than him when the "lesser" person is right there, having his victimhood largely ignored in favor of unpacking how hard this is for his bully. That's the focus we keep coming back to. It's "poor Bakugo, realizing that Izuku isn't a useless nobody" rather than, "poor Izuku, forced to work alongside the guy who thinks he's a useless nobody." To be totally honest here, I never cared about Bakugo's supposedly sad backstory because it reads as so inconsequential compared to others in the class and compared to what he did to Izuku. Todoroki had his face burned by his father. Uraraka is becoming a hero to try and help her family financially. Izuku is right there... and Bakugo's great struggle, the struggle the story spends so much time on, is "Wow, other people aren't trash I can just walk over and hurt for the fun of it? And I'm learning this at a snail's pace while heading towards the prestigious career of being a hero? And the reason I'm like this is because people praised me too much? What fantastic development on my part!"

I get snarky, but I do honestly believe that Bakugo's story is one worth telling, just not in this context. The story of a kid so talented, and beloved that he developed an ego the size of his school and needs to unlearn that arrogance is a legit story to tell. Trying to tell that story at the expense of his victim, alongside kids his age who went through the same thing and turned out kind, went through far worse and turned out kind, all while having him train to be a hero without ever seriously questioning whether he should be allowed in such a profession is... a mess. It is good for Bakugo to be among equals and learn some humility, but I don't think the first half of the story did nearly enough of that and, even if it had, that struggle is hard for me to take seriously when the others have so much else going on.

Also, did Bakugo latch onto All Might because of his compassion? That always seemed incidental to me. Rather, Bakugo idolized him because he's the best: the most popular, the strongest, the one who always wins. I'd need to re-read flashbacks from the manga to be sure, but I do recall one of the scenes from the anime:

"You see that? I bet he'll dodge and then punch! Think they've won and then ha! Look, he totally stopped him! That's why he's the greatest. No matter how much trouble he's in, he's always the winner!"

Bakugo likes All Might because he's "the winner," not because he's presumably saving people during this news coverage. Izuku is the one who latches onto All Might because of his smile and ability to help. That's their crucial difference between them. Izuku fights for others. Bakugo fights for himself.

Is he slowly unlearning that? Yeah, sort of, but again, it comes down to who continually suffers to teach that lesson, how slow Bakugo learns it, how it compares to the struggles of his peers, and how this is situated in a story revolving around allowing him to be a hero in the first place. Cool character idea, bad context and execution.

[herenya-sedai]

reading is subjective: How can you view a character positively after they did something terrible?

As I’ve been reading more Wheel of Time opinions in different internet places, I’ve come across variations on “How can you view [this specific character] positively after [they did this specific thing]?” 

One discussion framed it in terms of whether a character was “redeemable”. I think that particular word can become distracting -- redemption in a spiritual sense can look quite different from in a legal context, and neither of those necessarily have any bearing on an individual deciding “Has another person (fictional or otherwise) regained my good opinion?” Moreover, redeemability is not determined by the wrongdoing but rather the actions taken to atone, and your mileage may vary as to whether those are adequate... but I digress.

Lately I’ve also been doing workplace-related professional development about codes of conduct, standards, legal responsibilities, etc. That’s influenced my analysis of my own thinking, as I’ve questioned why some of those incidents in WOT -- like times when one character slaps/smacks/spanks another -- didn’t really colour my view of the characters involved. 

Personally, I would prefer if WOT had left out those instances. I find it weird and distasteful and largely unnecessary. Especially when it occurs in personal relationships. I wonder if Jordan was intending to invoke “punishing a person people by treating them as if they’re a child”, but that connection doesn’t come through strongly for readers in part because it’s becoming increasingly uncommon and unacceptable -- and in some parts of the world, illegal -- to punish children this way? (That connection is certainly clearer in the White Tower, where novices are addressed as “child”. When it comes to corporal punishment as a more formalised form of disciple, like within the White Tower or as part of ji’e’toh, I think Jordan was attempting some interesting things, with varying degrees of success.)

Despite my discomfort, I think my tendency has been to judge the characters and their actions in context -- in the context of their culture and experiences, and in the context of the rest of their actions.

Most Randland cultures are more accepting of corporal punishment than my real-world culture is. These characters don’t have a 21st century understanding of issues like physical violence and domestic abuse and workplace harassment. While this doesn’t excuse their behaviour, I think it means their actions don’t ring all the same alarm bells as they might in a real-world context. Because without rules and education, people learn this sort of thing from life experiences. Which can include -- but is in no ways limited to, let me emphasise -- personally making some wrong choices. 

(I think that’s what we see with Faile and Perrin in the Ways in TSR. Two people inexperienced with romantic relationships and unfamiliar with each other’s cultural norms and expectations, working things out by making mistakes.)

I'm more charitable in my interpretations of younger characters like Faile and Perrin than I am of older adults, who've had far more opportunity to realise oh hey this thing isn’t okay. Someone like Edeyn in NS. Aspects of her relationship with Lan are totally acceptable according to Malkieri culture but I’m all ugh, nope.

Or maybe it’s just that characters like Edeyn fail the second part of my test: in the context of the rest of their actions. How does this scene fit into the broader pattern of their behaviour? Is it a defining moment or a one-off outburst? Is it the start of something toxic or does the character learn this experience?

And WOT provides us with lots of material to consider. Especially in regards to the main characters.

Another layer to this is that these are fictional characters and I can afford to be generous. I can construct positive interpretations if I want to. And I can reserve judgement until I’ve finished the story and know how things turn out.

Whereas in real life, there are times when we need to make judgements of people -- often with nowhere near the full story -- for our own safety and for the well-being of those around us.

[asagimeta]

The time has come again to remind everyone that good queer representation does not necessarily equal morally good queer characters

I’ve heard that apparently there’s a renaissance of anti-Hannibal going on lately? And that + the rise in popularity of media like Helluva Boss and Killing Eve, and the addition of more openly queer charectors in existing media- from comic book based media to long-running shows like American Horror Story- I feel like this needs to be said again- not necessarily by me but I posted about it way back when Hannibal originally aired it’s finale so I figure, what the hell

Good representation =/= morally good characters

You can have both, absolutely, but you can also have them separate, and you can have all combinations of the reverse too

Ofcourse, to be clear right in the beginning, what counts as “good” representation vs “bad” reputation is going to vary from person to person, everything from life experiences to media exposure to personal opinions will dictate where you land on the sliding scale of “good” or “bad”, someone who’s consumed quite alot of queer-focused media, for example, is going to have a very different opinion than someone who’s only seen one background gay in a TV show that one time, and someone who’s a really huge fan of horror is going to have a much different opinion than someone who’s only a fan of lighter-hearted fair

With that said, in my personal opinion, the measure of good vs bad representation relies less on the character and more on the presentation of said character- less, not entirely

To get what I mean, here’s the best example I can think of:

Castiel from Supernatural is, objectively, a good charactor- if nothing else he’s morally good by most standards, certainly by the time season 15 rolls around, but his canonically queer presentation is just.... horrible, horrible representation and I’ve only met literally one person myself who disagreed with that

Cas is presented as being a really tragic figure right from the start of his coming out- the one thing in the world that would make him truly happy for even a single moment is confessing that he’s in love with Dean, even if Dean rejects him, just saying it is enough, that is..... sad

If it had been framed differently, it actually could have been very good representation, in a “I don’t need you to validate me, I’m being honest about who I am for the first time in my life and that’s enough, I’m enough” way, but it wasn’t, it was framed as pining, as “Even if you don’t love me, my acknowledging openly that I love you is enough to make me happy”, and again that could have worked if framed differently but.... it’s followed up by the infamous “Gay angels go to Super Mega Turbo Hell” thing and like.... no....

Cas is a good character who is queer, he is not a good queer character, because his existence as a queer character lasted less than five minutes and was immediately followed by literally going to what’s worse than hell for expressing his queerness

There is no way I can express the amount of levels of Bad that is, to say nothing of how Dean treats the entire experience for like.... ever... from there on out

But now let’s look at Hannibal, who is objectively a pretty bad character morally- he’s stupendously written but yeah I mean look the dude eats people there’s just no getting around that

But I would argue that he’s excellent queer representation because of how he was presented

Hannibal’s sexuality is never defined, for starters, there’s never a “very special episode” moment where he has some long-winded coming out speech, in fact we don’t quite know how he identifies but because he’s written so artfully we don’t really need to, his exact sexuality doesn’t feel like it needs to be known because, frankly, not much personal information is known about Hannibal anyway, and sexuality feels like one of those arbitrary things that he wouldn’t really care about defining

And that’s the other thing- he’s far from sexless and yet he places no emphasis on sex, he isn’t hypersexualized but he also isn’t being kept as a Ken doll to preserve the message of gay purity (because I don’t know apparently there’s a Thing some people have about how gay people aren’t allowed to be sexual???) he’s just... a person

And that’s really what it comes down to that makes him great, he’s a person first and queer second... or third.... or fourth or fifth.... it never defines who he is, it’s just part of who he is, and regardless of your opinion on Hannibal specifically, I think that is something most queer people strive for in representation

It’s great to have stories that are focused on queerness but it’s equally exhausting to only be able to have characters who’s lives revolve around their sexualities, it’s nice to go into media and go “Oh that character that I already like for these reasons is also queer, that’s so cool!”

Hannibal also skillfully side-steps stereotypes, despite falling into the category of being “polite, thin, and neat”, despite loving fine wine and fine art and fine culture, he never feels like a flamboyant theater kid with a decoration-diploma, wich is how alot of queer characters in this category can feel

His story is about alot of things and his relationship with Will is at the center of much of it, but that relationship didn’t become explicitly queer until the show was almost over- not because it was sudden or poorly written but because it was a slow build up, wich is also refreshing, as alot of times it feels like queer characters are made as explicitly queer as they’re allowed to be as quickly as they’re able to be on screen so that the show can grab those important Representation Brownie Points from episode one and either introduce a Manwhore or a Uhaul Lesbian right away and just kind of leave them in that trope until “someone comes along and changes that” or whatever, I don’t even know what straight writers do half the time, but Hannibal- as a show and a charactor- doesn’t do that, he’s just allowed to exist and tell his story, and THAT is good representation

With the heavy-handed example over with though, I want to tackle the biggest part of this entire “debate” that makes me interested in it:

Queer people are allowed to be bad people

Queer people are allowed to be lazy and unattractive and non-political and angry and jealous and yes, “bad” and evil too

Wile I DEFINITELY prefer to have morally good characters- especially after literally a century of rarely getting more than The Evil Homosexual stereotype and all it’s kin- I also don’t like the direction some people are taking this where queer people are only “allowed” to be 100% morally flawless and good and righteous at all times because it’s just so unrealistic, and because it does the exact same thing that the opposite stereotype does: Puts queer people in a box, makes us a decoration for the straight cast so that the creators get Representation Brownie Points and can’t get yelled at on Twitter, and treats us like we’re some other species (and not in the cool way like werewolves but more like... well, decorations, as I’ve said before)

And if you’re worried about the way straight-cis people perceive us due to seeing evil queer characters, you should be equally worried about how they perceive us seeing nothing but morally flawless ones

I could get into An Entire Thing about the history of Straights trying to turn queer people into what they want us to be and present an inaccurate depiction of us to their brethren for their own benefit but I’ll make it relatively simple

The old way of keeping The Queers away from their Innocent Straight Children was to turn us into villains so that we would be ashamed of who we really are and hide ourselves and pretend to be The Good Christian Folk nextdoor and not get overly political or loud or different

The new way of keeping The Queers away from their Innocent Straight Children is to turn us into sexless Ken & Barbie stereotypes so we can be ashamed of who we really are and pretend to be The Good Christian Folk nextdoor and not get overly political or loud or different

By sterilizing queerness into something they find more “acceptable”, they’re doing the same thing they used to, but now through a lens of “Aren’t you happy you get what you want? You can get married now! You can hold hands in public! Just make sure not to do any of that other crazy stuff you people get up to and you can stay at the Civil Rights Table :)”, we’re still not “allowed” to be sexual human beings, it’s just framed in a way that makes us feel like the people shunning us are on our side wile those same people are still in the corner going “Just don’t kiss in public ok?”

And I could go On about this for some time but let’s get back to the point-

Queer people are three-dimensional people and we should be allowed to be so, we should be allowed to have characterization outside of The Gay Love Interest and The Gay BFF and The Gay Butler and so on, outside of the stereotypes being imposed on us

That’s one of the main reasons I love Yuri On Ice so much, and love Batwoman so much.... and one of the main reasons I love Hannibal and Harley Quinn and Helluva Boss and Killing Eve so much, all of these things star queer characters and queer relationships to different degrees (Batwoman, for example, makes a MUCH larger point and political stance about queerness than, say, Hannibal) and they’re all about something other than queerness too, the charecters are three-dimensional and they’re not built around their sexualities or side peices for straight people

And none of them are PUNISHED for their sexualities either

Going back to Castiel earlier, stereotypes are hardly the worst of our worries when Burry Your Gays, Gayngst Induced Suicide, and Gay Guy Dies First are still alive and well- among others

From Frank N’ Furter in Rocky Horror Picture Show to Tara in Buffy The Vampire Slayer to, oh look, it’s Supernatural again with not just Cas, but also Charlie, and even arguably Dean (but that’s a much longer story for a much different time) and many many more... sometimes just having any gay charecter live through a franchise is enough on it’s own- setting the bar awfully low there but it’s still hard for a shamefully large amount of franchises to step over

In some cases like Tara, it can be pretty decently argued that the death has little- if anything- to do with queerness, but in examples like Cas and Frank, it’s pretty blatantly obvious, especially when the other queer characters in their respective franchises didn’t exactly fair well either....

Matt Baume put it best when he said that until recently, you had to choose if you wanted your only source of representation to be dead or evil, and most people chose evil

Now-a-days that’s clearly not the case as much but there’s still a heavy enough flavor of it there- and villains are just part of gay culture, dating all the way back to prohibition, queer people identified as outlaws because we literally were, so pirates and cowboys and other anti-heros and villains became a staple of the culture that’s still very much alive to this day, thus leading to another point: Identification

Straight people can identify with pretty much whoever they want- from superheros to princesses to any and every kind of villain

Tony Soprano is a horrible, horrible person but is notorious for being beloved among straight white males because he’s a projection of who they want to be- powerfull (and wealthy)

Stolas from Helluva Boss actually presents a pretty similar power fantasy, he’s part of a family who lives outside the larger part of the law, he can kill (nearly) anyone he pleases, he’s physically and socially powerfull, he’s wealthy, he has a nuclear family, he gets to screw around with whoever he wants with the only one taking issue being his wife, the only real difference is that Stolas is queer (and much more fashionable... and pleasant)

Queer people should be allowed to have those power fantasies as much as straight people are

Speaking as a bisexual female myself, I absolutely ADORE Villanelle from Killing Eve, I really don’t care that she’s a bitch or has killed an uncountable amount of people, it’s fun to project on her, and seeing a very flawed woman fall in love and be vulnerable and open herself up to a relationship and get that relationship with another woman is AMAZING to me, that doesn’t make the relationship it’s self healthy or good, but it’s still fun to watch and plays further into that identification

I love Korra and Asami from Legend Of Korra, they’re a sweet, wholesome relationship between two sweet, wholesome characters and I adore them... but I’m allowed to adore Eve and Villanelle too, even if the relationship is toxic and the characters have baggage and Villanelle is literally a serial killer

Ofcourse enjoying something doesn’t make it “good”, I enjoy alot of trash B rated (and C rated) horror movies too, it doesn’t mean I think they deserve Oscars (if that’s really the measuring stick we’re going to use), but I think when it comes to representation, it’s important to distinguish the difference between good queer character and a moral queer character, they just... aren’t the same

Light Yagami from Death Note, Bill from Kill Bill, and Joker from Batman are all just... horrible, horrible people, there’s no doubting that, they are morally terrible... but my god are they fantastic charecters- they’re interesting, they’re three dimensional (even if only occasionally in the Joker’s case), they’re well written and complex, there’s a reason why they’re iconic and why they’re still talked about decades after their introduction into the world, they are GREAT characters who are morally bad, and characters like Hannibal and Villlanelle are in that boat too, they just so happen to be queer- and there’s what it all boils down to

People being queer, not queer people

Some of the most beloved examples above like Yuri On Ice and Legend Of Korra are praised for being about people who are queer, people who have stories focused on other things and are just allowed to exist without their sexualities defining them, and the same should be said and appreciated for villains who are queer too

In an age where so much queer-focused media is about tragedy (the period lesbian dramas and Gayngst teen media for example), and so much of it is focused on the same exact aspects of queer life (coming out, dating around, getting or being married, but mostly coming out), it’s great to have characters who just so happen to be queer without those things being the center of their storylines- and without them being canon fodder or the Gay BFF, or being a terrible stereotype from the 90s that just won’t die...

And that by no means is to say you have to like these characters- not at all, there are PLENTY of objectively good/well-written queer characters who I don’t like for whatever reason- but to call them bad representation just because they’re bad people is sweeping ALOT under the rug

And I know I’ve harped alot on avoiding queer-centered storylines like coming out stories and relationship dramas, but those are fine, they have their place just like everything else, really, they just don’t need to have the only place- that does a disservice to so many other types of queer stories- for the heroes and the villains, because morality and goodness have nothing to do with one’s sexuality, just like one’s sexuality has nothing to do with morality and goodness

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Beastars S2, Episodes 7-9

In which I identify a bizarre shift in the show’s priorities, the call for integration grows louder, and there is suddenly a lot of gay subtext.

Over 9000

I’ve been struggling for a while to sort out my thoughts on this season. Something’s felt off about it ever since the start, even beyond the loss of the central trio that was core to season 1′s success. And I think I’ve finally figured out what’s going on: in season 2, Beastars has completely inverted its genre. Season 1 was a shoujo romance through and through, with all the drama and worldbuilding and themes centered around the tangled love lives of a scarce few central characters. Season 2, on the other hand, has shifted gears into a full-on shonen battle anime. Legoshi’s storyline this season is essentially just a training arc preparing him to square off against increasingly tough opponents, right down to a “Oh, I can use my limbs instead of my jaws to fight!” power-up that feels straight out of My Hero Academia. And in typical shonen fashion, the scope has balooned outward to spend time with the countless side characters hovering around. This is no longer an intimate, tightly woven story driven by romance and relationships; this is now a sprawling, increasingly action-packed story exploring the entire world and everyone in it. 

And look, that kind of genre shift was always going to be weird. Selling an audience on Kimi ni Todoke and then turning into Gintama would be a hard sell no matter how well the transition was handled. But even by those standards, Beastars really did not pull this off well. It shoved the romance off to the side, it sidelined the relationships that defined it, and it made so much of the first season’s emotional development feel pointless or stalled out. It didn’t just change the kind of story it was telling, it did so at the expense of the story it already told. And that’s without taking into account how confusing some of the worldbuilding still is (Seriously, what the hell even is the Beastar?) or how awkwardly the editing this season has been. Too many episodes just feel like a loose collection of random manga chapters thrown together with no regard for cinematic flow or cohesion, and in come cases, it feels like we skip important events altogether. Like, why do we not show the moment Legoshi gets captured by the Leo gang? One moment he’s free and clear an chatting with Gohin, and then the next time we see him he’s already being roughed up in a warehouse with no indication how he got there. It can be hard to pinpoint what good story flow looks like sometimes, but when it’s done poorly, it’s really obvious. And too much of how the second season is put together is very noticeably off in very distracting ways.

Separate, but Equal?

Still, putting that aside, there’s still interesting things happening in this season, even if they could be structured and integrated better. This set of episodes in particular raises a very interesting conundrum: at the end of the day, carnivores still have the potential to do serious harm to herbivores. Is it worth integrating the two groups when it puts one of them at such risk? Sure, we apparently have the medical tech to restore limbs that have been ripped off (how that works, I don’t even want to know), but that doesn’t change the fact that holy shit you just ripped someone’s arm off. This isn’t like the real world, there is serious risk involved with integrating these social groups. And it’s a fair question to raise if the outcome is worth that risk. Certainly, Juno believes carnivores and herbivores are better off separate. And plenty of concerned parents are scared enough to try and segregate Cherryton all over again. But there are just as many people who believe integration is worth the risks regardless, that carnivores and herbivores are better off together, learning from each other, being part of each other’s lives.

And what’s particularly fascinating is that in the case of Cherryton’s students, so many of the loudest voices calling for integration come from herbivores who’ve already been put at risk by carnivores. The anteater who gets his arm ripped off is understandably freaking out by carnivores in the moment, but he quickly returns to sympathizing with the panther who did it and promising to still be his friend (Which, by the way, that panther breaking down in tears when he realizes he’s being forgiven was so fucking powerful, oh my god). Els has every reason to hate carnivores for killing Tem, but she’s so determined to keep the drama club together she just about makes herself faint from screaming (”We get to see the good and bad! Isn’t that what clubs are for?!”) And in a shocking twist, it turns out that even Tem fully accepted the bear who ate him, refusing to let his fear overcome his desire for connection. Riz wasn’t even stalking Tem to kill him, but Tem encouraged him to embrace his true carnivore self regardless, and that’s just what he did. Far from being scared out of integration, these herbivores’ brushes with danger only seem to convince them even more that integration is important. And there’s something really powerful about that sentiment. Where Beastars is taking it, I’m not sure but I’m definitely interested to see how it all plays out.

Kiss from a Rose

Actually, you know what the most unusual thing is about all these herbivores sticking up for carnivores? The fact that so many of them are absolutely dripping with homoeroticism. Like, good lord, this season plunged headfirst into the gay subtext pool. Riz and Tem’s final conversation feels like a love confession, the cheetah and sheep who shop for clothes together in episode 8 are absolutely girlfriends, and I swear Juno was two seconds away from smooching Haru during their conversation. Hell, Legoshi and Louis’ reunion is somehow the most romantically charged moment of the entire season. Dude straight-up asked Louis to run away with him like they’re the protagonists of a BL manga. And my god, Legoshi not being able to control his wagging tail was priceless. It’s so weird, because the first season was incredibly straight even with the intense emotions between Legoshi and Louis. But now that Legoshi and Haru’s romance has been left by the wayside, it feels like the show it taking every opportunity it can to hint at love blossoming between same-gender characters. Will it amount to anything? Who can say, really. At this point, I have no idea what to expect from Beastars. All I can hope for is a finale that makes this season’s awkwardness seem worth it. Don’t let me down, show!

Odds and Ends

-Legoshi, you are lucky as fuck no one walked in on you drinking everyone’s water bottles.

-I do appreciate how the reveal that Riz is the killer isn’t played for too big a surprise. We could pretty much tell it was him from the silhouette in episode 1, so there’s no need to do a big song and dance about it.

-I am very confused what Pina’s deal is. Why get involved with the Riz situation just to do nothing about it and let him stew in rage? I don’t have a feel for him at all.

-Yeesh, the bears are drugged to lose strength? That’s not cool.

-”Maybe I’m growing old...” skdjfhdsf god dammit Legoshi stop being me

-”Don’t worry, I’m always risking my life for the sake of slacking!” HARU I MISS YOU PLEASE COME BACK INTO THIS SEASON

-OH GOD NO NOT THE CROCODICK

-”Punishment isn’t always the road to peace. The world isn’t that simple.” I like Gohin a lot.

-YO HOLY SHIT HE GOT DEM MOVES

-”The school needs you now.” Jesus, Legoshi, stop pinning all your hopes on Louis. You’ve got what it takes to be a hero too.

-”I had a go at channeling the equipment’s feelings.” WHO ARE YOU PINA

One session left to go. See you next time for the end of season 2!

[your-turn-to-role]

I was thinking about that scene in cr1 e94 where vex is meditating trying to connect to Pelor as part of the grey hunt and finding it really difficult and I think Matt even mentions Vex is someone who needs a lot of sensory input so I was wondering if you had any thoughts on Adhd vex

so im rewatching this scene now and oh man vex is, as ever, the biggest fucking mood

like she hadn’t been initially on my list of nd headcanons bc she doesn’t outwardly show it a lot but then i remember she’s the character in cr i relate to the most and i probably don’t outwardly show it a lot either, because fun thing about being a girl as well as neurodivergent is you get really good at hiding that shit! i can mimic a neurotypical person perfectly because i spent most of my childhood learning how to do that but goddamn is it fucking exhausting

but yeah, vax is very obviously adhd, so his twin definitely can be too!

adhd vex proof:

yes yes yes sensory input!! you’re right in that matt mentions it in this episode, she’s someone who needs a lot of external stimuli, she’s more drawn towards chaos than calm. which like, a lot of us can relate to, because when your brain is constantly working at a hundred miles an hour, the chaos makes you feel a lot more relaxed than the calm, where you’re always on edge. good trait for adventurers to have, honestly, which is probably a reason it’s less obvious in vex to begin with - she has that outlet for it. as much as she was really concerned with fitting in in syngorn, i imagine teenage her had a lot more of a problem staying still

defines herself a LOT by other people’s standards - this is both a trait of any kid who doesn’t fit in (which is true both bc adhd and because half elf), but also that rejection sensitivity makes it a very appealing thing to do - having people disapprove of you in any way, even mildly, makes it feel like the world just shattered in front of your eyes, so trying to make yourself what they want you to be is just the smart response

you know that thing, when you were a kid, and people used to use “you’ve got a big day tomorrow!” or “the quicker you go to sleep, the quicker you get to [exciting thing]” as motivation to sleep? or you saw people on tv experiencing that? and apparently for them it works?? whereas for you the only way to sleep is to not be excited about tomorrow, because your brain doesn’t process time the same way so you can’t process sleep as coming before the exciting thing, the exciting thing has to be Right Now and if we go to sleep we don’t do Exciting Thing and entire brain is focused on that thing now oh fuck looks like i accidentally stayed up until 4am

that’s the entire vibe i get from the sun tree scene

like vex manages to stay down there a really long time but only while actively trying to get a vision, and when that doesn’t work she switches tactics, she’s not thinking “eventually a vision will happen”, she’s thinking “how do i think hard enough that the vision happens now”

(and also how easily her mind wanders despite that)

when this doesn’t work she starts complaining to trinket how they’ve been down there for days (it’s been maybe 10 hours) and they’re going to be stuck there forever (she can leave whenever she wants, but she really cares about this thing so she’s not going to) and mood

i’ve mentioned this before, but vex... really does have a lot of empathy. and i don’t know if that’s more of an autistic thing or adhd thing bc there’s a lot of crossover and i don’t always remember which me things are which nd things but hyper empathy is a thing for at least one of them! and like, she does so much burying of it, because it’s a survival mechanism and she had a really rough childhood, she’s got about 500 emotional walls up at any given moment. but once you realise that she only really gets snippy and pretends like she doesn’t care in situations where she feels unsafe, she cares so much

fairly resistant to change? adhd isn’t as routine oriented as autism is, but big life changes are still things that can get completely overwhelming, and vex definitely doesn’t want to deal with those. a life on the road, that doesn’t count as change to her, that’s her routine, but settling down with percy? that’s terrifying

literally in this episode part of her internal monologue is “what are you gonna do, stay here??”, she loves percy, but she doesn’t want her adventuring life to change, because then she has to figure out how to navigate a new life (and honestly, that takes her a while, even in their epilogue they mention percy and vex still do the adventuring thing a lot, they never plan to retire, bc that’s life for them)

vax is the other big constant in her life that she needs to stay constant, she doesn’t want him to get into a relationship with keyleth bc she’s scared it’ll make things between them change, and even once she’s gotten over that, she ignores vax’s attempts to tell her he wants to move to zephrah several times, because she can’t really handle the idea that things might change between them that much, can’t deal with a life where he’s not living in the same place as her

as much as she does try to fit in, she also prefers to live in the forest and her best friend is a bear. tell me that’s not just a constant nd mood

[gaylecleven]

Okay super random but I absolutely love your jiara headcannons and analysis, so I was curious what do you think jiara’s first time is like? I mean like where, when, are they together at that point? I kinda see it more sweet then anything and only because they’re kinda both taking it all in that it’s finally happening, but again I wanted your thoughts!!

I love doing jiara headcanons and analysis so this is great...

I can see it going a few different ways, so it’s hard to say what I think will happen - I think I’d have more an idea of their plans for jiara after next season, so maybe more of what I want to happen. So obviously I see there being something like what I wrote in never to touch your hand, where it’s heat of the moment, passion thing. Whether they are drunk or high and it just happens, or if it’s a coping mechanism, or a way to ignore a conversation - say, the night Kie gets shipped off to boarding school or something. 

Ideally I’d want them to be in a relationship. I don’t see it being very likely cause that just doesn’t happen much, especially with a ship like jiara. I’m not saying they need to be together long but I’d love a defined relationship - after maybe a bit of oh what did that mean to them drama from their first kiss. And either decided to wait or it’s just a thing that happens, where they don’t get the time. I just want the build up and tension and will they won’t they, constant nerves and on edge and like both really wanting too and not wanting to push the other or thinking they shouldn’t rush into things. I had this fic idea where their first time is like this and then because of all the build up and being so nervous it’s bad, which I don’t want to that extreme in canon but I’d love to explore it in fic. 

But like something like, they are just hanging out alone - studying on Kie’s bed or something and JJ isn’t really concentrating and being distracting. Or just a bit of a macking session like they do a lot. And there’s just like a moment where they are kinda like - is this going somewhere?

I just really want JJ, someone who we assume is so confident and smooth in bed, be all nervous and stumbling and unsure. Because it means so much to him and he wants it to be good. I want it to be slow and soft and sweet. I think they love dirty sex but the first time is gonna be the coming together of so much that they aren’t about to go super wild straight away. I can see JJ being so gentle to the point where Kie has to push at him and roll them over. Straddling his hips and grinding down and telling him he doesn’t need to be so gentle with her. After it will still be sweet but maybe not as soft... If you know what I mean.

Was this supposed to be what we see in canon...? Idk how much a show like OBX would give us for a sex scene but I think we’ll get more than Jarah B, there was a reason it was so early fade to black. We won’t get heaps but it will totally give us an impression of the tone - probably Riverdale standards, so we could get some nice shots.

Really this is just one of my many thoughts surrounding their first time and it’s all around context but I think I would like them to be together before they have sex for the first time but that’s just me. 

[lethesomething]

Ghost of Tsushima and the Hands of Fate

I see we're still trying to prove that games are an art form by making everyone feel bad.

For the record, Ghost of Tsushima is one of my favourite games in a very long time. It is extremely pretty, the aesthetic and general … polish is *cheff's kiss*. You can pet foxes and backstab people. The fighting mechanic is decent and there are just So Many Hats.

But also, it has the kind of story that pulls you in to the point where you have to drop the controller to hide behind your fingers going 'ohgodno'.

It is an absolute bastard of a game, is what i'm saying.

So let's talk about that, and specifically about Straw Hat Ryuzo and how I feel bad for him.

I am, by the way, going to be talking about the narrative structure of a video game about medieval samurai, so expect like, a bunch of spoilers.

The narrative is one of the big draws in Ghost of Tsushima. Like yes, it's an open world rpg with fighting and flower picking and all the important stuff, and also yes, some of the bits are sloppily written (looking at you, specifically, 'Ending to Norio's Arc'), but the game definitely sets out to Tell a Story.

And because this is a Serious Game that openly bases itself on samurai movies like Kurosawa's, it is a Drama.

In many ways it is an utterly brutal Bildungsroman, a narrative in which a young man finds his identity.

I have joked with friends about the clear intent for this game to make Important Stories, in that it actually tries to tick all the boxes of hotbutton subjects: childhood trauma? Obviously. Gay relationships?  Yup. Survivor's guilt and PTSD? Oh yes. Domestic abuse? Several. Suggested pedophilia? Damn, even that.

The foxes are there to soothe the soul

It's interesting to note that from a writing point of view, this bildungsroman is even Very Classically Structured. It goes so far as to be a three acter, with a pretty standard build-up.

 Jin Sakai, traumatized man that he is, spends the first act slowly getting to grips with the bit where you don't fight an army by yourself by  just walking up to them and challenging them With Honour, like he has been taught his entire life. Instead of getting stabbed repeatedly in the chest and set on fire, he  discovers guerilla warfare and creates this persona of the Ghost, a literal vengeful spirit seeking justice for the island of Tsushima.

It gets him some big wins and in the second act he slowly embraces this identity until things get to a head where he clashes with his entire old life. The third act starts at the hero's lowest point and is utterly gut wrenching (i am Still Not Over the horse, game), forcing him to pull himself together for an ending that is, well…fitting for the narrative. It's an ending that is needed, but perhaps not what Jin deserves.

 But anyway, this is about Ryuzo, and how until that ending, I was very upset about his role.

You see, this story is told in part through the lives of Important Npc's, who contribute to Jin's journey of self-discovery. This is pretty obvious with someone like Yuna, who is the one to introduce him to the Stealth Life and who is a driving force behind the marketing of the Ghost.

Someone like Masako, meanwhile, portrays vengeance and self discipline, but Jin also kinda tries to make her fill the mother-shaped hole in his heart.

Lord Shimura, meanwhile, is an Obvious Father figure but also stands for Jin's past. He's rigid and ineffective, which pushes Jin to further look for alternatives.

Ishikawa, that other mentor figure, is more moderate and flexible, but he also represents a possible unwanted future. He literally warns Jin at one point not to become like him.

Norio, then, is as mentioned not the best written, but he too is a person that searches for his destiny and tries to become like his hero, while only barely holding on to his sanity. 

Kenji, I'm sorry, I love you but you're just comic relief, that's all you do. It's an imporant job in the story, because god does it need it, but you're not teaching Jin anything other than how to make different 'resigned sigh' noises.

So what about Ryuzo? From the very beginning, Ryuzo's story didn't really sit right with me. There's the obvious class issue: he's one of the few important npc's that are poor, and he's an Antagonist.

It has always rubbed me the wrong way that his original intentions were good, depending on how you read it. He's trying to feed his men. He essentially made the decision that this one man's life (even if it is an old friend) is worth the price for the lives of his band of ronin.

It's a lot more complex than that, of course. Ryuzo partly blames Jin for his predicament in life, and he also knows that samurai treat their soldiers as chattel, which the game goes out of its way to show you they DO.

  Essentially, he's a complicated character who makes bad decisions for arguably good reasons.

Ryuzo did everything he could to save the lives of the people he cared about. He went so far as to abandon his honor and his childhood friends, to try to make this happen.

Does that ring any bells?

It kinda clicked for me at the very end of the game.

Jin, being the protag in an assassin game, does a lot of killing. But some of these deaths are given more meaning than others. Some of them are there to make you feel like shit (the Horse Again, but you lose several friends along the way), others serve a more defining purpose.

You see, there's a fair amount of what i'd like to call 'intimate violence' in Ghost of Tsushima. It's an old trope. The 'if someone was gonna kill me, it had to be you' kinda scene that hails from a worldview in which some deaths are better than others, sure, but some deaths are better even than living. It's a worldview in which life itself is less valuable than your legacy. You die for your place in history. For your clan, for your family, for your honor.

Bushido is full of that sort of thing, so it makes sense that a game building on that worldview, would use the heck out of that trope.

  The first is Ryuzo's death. You fight him in a duel, in which he tries to plead for some resolution. You could let him go, come up with some story. But Ryuzo is a traitor, so Jin ultimately defeats him and sends him off in what would be a touching moment of bro friendship if it wasn't for the blood and my 21st century sensibilities.

You grant him a warrior's death, is what I'm saying.

  It happens again with Shimura. The game actually gives you a choice here, but if you go through with it, the scene almost perfectly mirrors Ryuzo's.

You fight in a duel, and Jin tries to get his uncle to just let him go, come to some kind of resolution. But Jin has been branded a traitor, and the only way for Shimura to restore his honour and clan, is to take his life;

This being a game in which you have the power of bamboo strikes and also save games behind you, Jin ultimately wins the duel, and has the option of granting Shimura a warrior's death.

It is utterly heart wrenching and that whole scene has no business being as pretty as it is. The swelling music? The fucking strings? The anguished yell?

Fuck.

  But anyway.

That's about where it clicked with me, that Jin never had a choice.

Ryuzo's whole role wasn't fair, but this is one of those stories where life itself is just not fair at all.

Both him and Shimura are there to show us Jin's path.

  What if, the game says, Jin had listened? What if he'd taken one of several offers the Khan made and surrendered?

What if he'd cooperated?

Well, we see in Graphic Detail what would happen. He would get pushed into doing horrific things. He gets manipulated, again and again, until there is no way out anymore. At some point it becomes clear to him that he's on the wrong side but whenever he tries to devise some plan to turn things around, things go Badly. He's firmly stuck in Khotun's web and the only way out is death.

But what if, the game says, Jin had stayed true to his honour? What if he had listened to his uncle, not defied him, if he had dropped the Ghost before it was too late?  If he'd gone full bushido and repented for the shogun and done all the groveling and the proper stuff.

Samuraihood is just another straightjacket, says Shimura's fate. The tenets are so rigorous you would take your loved ones life, while fucking bawling your eyes out. Shimura knows damn well it's unfair but he also has no way to leave this path. It's a ride he cannot, and will not, get off alive.

  Jin never had a choice.

There was only ever one way for him to go.

Like let's be real: pretty much everyone in this story was dealt a bad hand. It's a narrative about resilience in the face of utter horror, of reinventing yourself and giving up entire structures of faith. People like Masako, Yuna, Norio are finding peace in dealing with huge levels of trauma and regret.

The goal isn't to start a family and live happily ever after, it's to Survive.

Submitting to the mongols would have killed Jin's spirit. Standing tall and rigid as he was taught to do would have, ultimately, killed him as well.

  "I've given up everything to save these people", he says near the end. "And I would do it again."

That's someone who has no regrets.

Jin never could have taken another path and he knows it.

And this is why Ryuzo needed a fate as shitty as his. He fell, so Jin could walk.

I'm sorry, it's still not fair.

This game needs some comfort fic.

[iihappydaysii]

Did you know…? Jamie and Lord John have kissed twice. 

The time everyone talks about at Helwater and then they kissed again in Jamaica.

*clears throat* In defense of this, I shall make the following case.

(standard disclaimer to not take anything I say that seriously. also, thanks for the beta-like help @mistresspandorawritesthings )

. . . 

“Oh, God, John!” he [Jamie] said.

I stopped dead, halted much more by the tone of that voice than by the words—it was broken with an emotion I had seldom heard from him.

Walking very quietly, I drew closer. Framed in the half-open door was Jamie, head bowed as he pressed Lord John Grey tight in fervent embrace.

My very first instinct was to think Jamie is hugging John, which he is, in part… of course, “embrace” defined as “an act of holding someone closely in one's arms” and “fervent” defined as “having or displaying a passionate intensity.” There is also little reason for Jamie’s head to be bowed if they are hugging. But if he’s leaning down to a kiss…

(If you strongly believe Jamie was merely holding John, please carry on and disregard the following, but if you want to hear my argument that they were kissing, please continue on this journey with me.)

I stood still, completely incapable of movement or speech. - That’s quite dramatic, Claire, for two men, who you know are friends, who are just hugging, yet perfectly normal if you just caught your husband kissing a man.

As I watched, they broke apart. Jamie’s back was turned to me, but Lord John faced the hallway. - If they were hugging it’s possible that John could have seen her at any point, but if they were kissing, he likely had his eyes closed and it would take them breaking apart for her to be worried that he would see her, which is what happens here

He [John] was staring at Jamie, and on his face was such a look of naked hunger - This doesn’t strongly support my argument other than if Jamie just kissed him you bet he’d have that look on his face, but mostly I just wanted to include it because John loves Jamie so much.

My hands were cold and I felt slightly sick. What in the name of God was going on? - If Claire is this upset about a hug, I don’t know how she’s ever functioned a day in her life. Why is a hug making her sick? Even if John looking at Jamie like that is such a big deal, if anything she should be thinking “hey, maybe I should tell Jamie that his friend is into him.”

The Governor’s shock at learning that I was Jamie’s wife was now at least partially explained. - If they were just hugging and they were just friends and John’s feelings were unrequited then nothing about what just happened would make Claire think “it must’ve been a shock for him.”  The shock is, of course, because Claire was supposed to be dead, but Claire doesn’t know this. It seems that she assumes John and Jamie were lovers and that John's shock at her identity is because he was under the impression that Jamie wasn't interested in women.

Claire goes on to repeat and connect two separate things Jamie said to her earlier in the book… He was the Governor of Ardsmuir Prison and D’ye ken what men in prison do? (yes, Jamie is referring to men having sex with each other in prison. They discuss it briefly.)

I did know, but I would’ve sworn on Brianna’s head that Jamie didn’t; hadn’t, couldn’t, under any circumstances whatever. - This demonstrates that Claire’s belief that Jamie wouldn’t be with a man is really, really strong, which is important to what comes next.

At least I would’ve sworn that before tonight - So, a simple hug makes her question such a strong belief that she knows is rooted in Jamie’s trauma regarding BlackJack? Yes, she’s seen John’s face with its naked hunger but not Jamie’s. Knowing this situation, why does she not jump to unrequited on John’s part if they were just hugging? Why is what happened making her question a deeply held belief? A hug is common gesture, even amongst men, but a kiss, especially a fervent one, would absolutely make her wonder at the possibility.

I closed my eyes, chest heaving, and tried not to think of what I had seen - The horrors…. of two men… hugging? What is she trying not to see here? Again, with a hug that’s dramatic as hell, but a kiss between her husband and another man? Makes perfect sense.

I couldn’t, of course. And yet, the more I thought of it, the more impossible it seemed. - Why would it be impossible that Jamie is hugging a friend? One he likely hasn’t seen in a really long time at that (at this point, she thinks they just knew each other at Ardsmuir so that would be a long time ago).

I could not believe that they [BlackJack traumas] would ever fade sufficiently for Jamie to tolerate the physical attentions of another man, let alone welcome them - I sound like a broken record at this point, but she’s making wild leaps based on a hug, yet these thoughts and questions would be perfectly normal if she saw Jamie kissing John fervently.

But if he knew Grey so intimately as to make what I had witnessed plausible in the name of friendship alone, then why had he not told me of him before? - A hug is very plausible in the name of friendship alone, even a really intense hug. He wouldn’t have to know a man that intimately to hug him. And it’s not like Jamie has shied away from platonic hugging with men, just the romantic/sexual kind. And yes, there’s the naked hunger on John’s face, but Claire was flipping out before she saw that.

Why go to such lengths to see the man, as soon as he learned that Grey was in Jamaica - Of course, it’s because of Willie… but Claire doesn’t know this. The reader actually doesn’t either at this point; we learn later, when John tells Claire (which I will go into). You can tell Claire is thinking there is something going on between them and that Jamie thought to hide it from her and still has feelings for John. 

My stomach dropped once more, and the feeling of sickness returned. I wanted badly to sit down - Again, Claire, chillax, they were just hugging. But if they were kissing?? I’m with you, Claire. He’s your husband. That would suck to be blindsided by that.

Okay, so she’s going to see John walk into the hall at this point: His [John’s] face was flushed and his eyes shone - Now John is the one being dramatic about a hug. In fairness to John, we do know a hug would be a big thing for him, but there’s no reason Claire would think it was a big deal. But still… face flushed, shining eyes… those are kiss things.

I could at that moment easily have murdered him, had I anything more lethal than a hair pin - This is Claire’s most dramatic moment yet. She wants to murder this man over a hug? Over his possible ‘unrequited feelings’ for Jamie? When she knows he didn’t know Jamie had a wife? But if our wee Lord is out there kissing Jamie after just having met his wife…. idk seems like a much more plausible motive for murder.

The door opened again, a few minutes later - Seems like a long time for him to be left alone in John’s office because they hugged. If it was a friendship, no big deal on Jamie’s part hug, couldn’t they have just walked out together? (In BOTB, John and Percy will often wait so they are not seen leaving rooms together to avoid suspicion.)

At this point, Claire hides from Jamie. Another overreaction to a hug. She’s literally so bothered that she hides from him, even though he’s obviously looking for her. Then the body is found, so we will skip ahead a bit… first to Claire talking to Marsali, then John talking to Claire.

First of all, Claire is now in John’s office and she still can’t stop thinking about what happened there, even though she’s just seen a murdered person.

I sat looking at the Governor’s big desk. I could see the two of them, Jamie and Lord John, as though they had been painted on the wall before me. “I just don’t believe it,” I said out loud, and felt slightly better for the saying - What the bloody hell is so hard to believe about the two of them hugging and maybe John having feelings for Jamie? That’s not what she’s struggling to believe, she’s struggling to believe that Jamie would return those feelings and she has reason to believe he might, which even a “fervent” hug would not give her under the circumstances. (She knows Jamie is interested in women, and she isn’t from a time of great understanding of bisexuality; she knows he’s had extreme trauma that would likely prevent him from a relationship with a man, even in a desperate time). If they were kissing, she would have to confront these beliefs in the way she is and she wouldn’t have to with a hug. Given her strong belief Jamie would not be interested in men, she would have a laundry list of other explanations that she would jump to, far before my husband is banging a dude, if Jamie and John were simply hugging.

Marsali is talking about Willoughby but Claire keeps on as if they’re talking about Jamie. Marsali saying she knows Willoughby and doesn’t believe he could’ve committed the murder, but Claire is thinking about whether or not she knows Jamie. Did I know Jamie? I would have sworn I did, and yet… I kept remembering what he had said to me at the brothel, during our first night together. Will ye take me, and risk the man that I am for the sake of the man ye knew? - If she saw him kissing John, her questioning whether or not she truly knows him makes a lot of sense.

Here’s a big one: If Jamie could take Lord John Grey as a lover, and hide it from me, he wasn’t remotely the man I thought he was… he didn’t tell you about Laoghaire, said an insidious little voice in my head - Here she is straight out admitting the possibly that Jamie could have taken Lord John as a lover. Why would she make this huge of a leap about her own husband, who she loves and who she knows loves her, over them hugging in his office? She’s tormenting herself pretty extremely here for something that reasonably, if it were a hug, she’d could confront Jamie about more easily like, “Hey I saw you and Lord John hugging, you seemed very emotional about something.” I know Claire isn’t always the most calm and reasonable, but a kiss between the two guys is just a better explanation for what she’s going through.

It seems pretty clear when John first comes in that he doesn’t know Claire knows what happened between him and Jamie because he behaves pretty calmly and not awkward around her. (It’s not relevant but I do enjoy their little team-up to get rid of Captain Leonard). It becomes even clearer that he doesn’t because when she makes an allusion to it, he figures it out.

“There are shocks,” I said precisely, smoothing back my damp curls and giving him an eyeball, “and then there are shocks, if you know what I mean.” - She has to think he might get her meaning from this, if they were just hugging, why should he understand what she’s alluding to here? Also again, why the fuck is a hug shocking?

He looked surprised; then a flicker of understanding came into his expression. He reached into the drawer of his desk, and pulled out my fan, white silk embroidered with violets. - This is how we know he realizes she’s seen what they were doing and dropped her fan (he may or may not realize she did it out of shock or that she ran).

This is yours, I suppose? I found it in the corridor.” His mouth twisted wryly as he looked at me. “I see. I suppose, then, you will have some notion of how your appearance earlier this evening affected me.” - John has to be careful about who knows what about him. It’s dangerous. He can’t be openly gay. And if he and Jamie were merely hugging, which is against zero percent of rules, it would make sense for him to be less direct and not jump to the conclusion that Claire would understand that he would be hurt by Jamie having a wife. He couldn’t have known she’d seen what she did in his face (the naked hunger). If she saw John and Jamie kissing, then it follows that he would think she knows he’s into men. Claire would know there was something between them and why John was shocked Jamie had a wife.

At this point, they go back and forth about Jamie being married and who knows what and John looks sad thinking Jamie never mentioned him but then acts fond when Claire tells him Jamie said he’s a friend. From Claire’s pov, this is probably meant to be a bit rude but of course, John loves that Jamie calls him a friend. Now, John is about to learn that Jamie thought Claire was dead (of course it’s more complicated than that), but this is what he’s going to believe and now is when I really want to focus on this scene and what happens from how John would understand it.

So, what does John know? John knows how much Jamie loves Claire. Jamie has said it to him many times, at Ardsmuir, during their fight in the stables in BOTB, during Scottish Prisoner. He is deeply aware of what Claire means to Jamie. John knows (believes) that Jamie has no sexual or true romantic interest in him, but he also knows Claire has seen them kissing (yes, I’m just gonna say it) and is upset by it. John knows how much he loves Jamie and how he’ll do anything to protect him. Claire could react really poorly to the thought that Jamie is interested in him. She could freak out and leave Jamie and again, John knows how much Jamie loves Claire and how much it would destroy him if she were to leave him. He also knows he can’t really have Jamie for a lot of reasons, including that John has Willie and Willie and Jamie can’t be in proximity of each other without people realizing he’s not really the Earl’s kid.

John, our smart, sweet, wonderful John (I’m not biased at all), has to make a calculation of what to do. So what’s the next thing he says?

“… has he not told you about Willie?” - This is a big fucking deal. John has likely never mentioned this to anyone before, let alone Jamie’s wife, who is not the mother and who could spread rumors about Willie, if she doesn’t take the news well. He is risking a lot by trusting her with this. Why would he do this? Just to be a bitch to Jamie’s wife and be like haha I have something you don’t have—and why would she care? That is not John, and certainly not when it comes to someone he loves deeply who he knows (believes) he cannot have. He doesn’t set out to make them seem more together, he’s setting out to explain why she should forgive and understand what Jamie did (kiss him). This is also a big deal because he’s taking a risk in telling her about Willie rather than letting Jamie do it. It’s a bit of a betrayal of Jamie to share this information if Jamie has chosen not to tell Claire, but John knows he has to, to explain why they were kissing in a way that doesn’t “incriminate” Jamie and will allow her to forgive him.

John goes on to explain Willie which goes into detail likely because the reader is just learning at this point that Jamie had chosen to give Willie to John. John mentions that Geneva is his wife’s sister and when Claire questions “wife” John blushes/gets flustered and Claire thinks if I had been in any doubt about the nature of the look I had seen him give Jamie, I wasn’t any longer. - This is the one phrase that I believe lends itself better to a hug than a kiss, other than the omission of the word “kiss”  (I will address why I think the word is omitted later). I think there are way too many other examples where a kiss fits better than a hug, that this one where a hug may fit a little better isn’t super important. But yes, it’s somewhat odd here to focus on the importance of that look in knowing his acting like it would be weird for him to have a wife, rather than the kiss. But it’s also just a comparison of two facial reactions—this one to Claire and the one to Jamie, which could make more sense than a direct comparison to the kiss.

The next bit is more about Willie, then we get to John telling Claire the whole story of Helwater and the offer and the kiss. I won’t go into detail with the wording here (maybe another post) but I believe there are several things that John wants to get across to Claire by telling her this story. That he, John, is not an asshole taking advantage of her husband, that he does have feelings for Jamie and Jamie knows that, that Jamie loves his son, but does not love John in that way, and that they’ve never had sex but they did kiss. Then, at Helwater, and that night in Jamaica.

I’m going to include the text of the Helwater kiss just because I can, this is my post and I make the rules:

Grey felt the big hands warm on the skin of his face, light and strong as the brush of an eagle’s feather, and then Jamie Fraser’s wide, soft mouth touched his own. There was a fleeting impression of tenderness and strength held in check, the faint taste of ale and fresh-baked bread. Then, it was gone and John Grey stood blinking in the brilliant sun.

The Helwater story finishes up very quickly after this and John says to Claire “That was the first time he ever touched me willingly,” he said quietly. “And the last, until this evening, when I gave him the other copy of that miniature.”

The most important piece of all this is that John is choosing to compare the kiss at Helwater and what happened in his office that evening, as if they are the same thing (because they are). The other is that we know it’s not just touching, in general; Jamie has willingly touched him before. He does it throughout Scottish Prisoner, including holding his arm as they walked together. This suggests that by touch he means kiss, and that the time at Helwater was the only other time, which should ease Claire’s worries about them being actual lovers and a genuine threat to what Claire and Jamie have. John loves Jamie and would not want to see his choice to kiss John end up damaging his relationship with Claire.

All of this to say... 

Jamie kissed John in Jamaica and Claire saw them.

. . . 

A note on it not being so direct there is no question whatsoever:

I believe the actual word kiss is omitted for several reasons. First, to allow for someone who really, really can’t stand the idea that John and Jamie would kiss (more than the one time in Helwater, though they likely wouldn’t like that either) some room to deny that it happened. Second, to represent how hard it is for Claire to face the reality of what happened. As if she can’t bring herself to say or think concretely what they were doing (kissing). Third, avoiding the word kiss is quite common in how Diana writes kisses, at least for John, so it wouldn’t be unprecedented for her to avoid the word. With Stephan it’s “the taste of oranges were in my mouth”, in the later books when John and Percy will kiss, the word is not used and it’s also implied, even with the Helwater kiss with Jamie it was described by the feeling and the taste not the word itself.

[selfproducingfanfictionauthor]

to be treated this way - chapter i

pair: shownu x reader 

summary: When your alpha - sort-of - found his true mate, you’re stuck dealing with the aftermath and the coming of your next heat. So when your friend suggested a “dating service” to aid you, signing up seemed like a no-brainer. So, you’ve prepared yourself for the dominance, the adrenaline-fueled by fear and arousal and the constant out-of-this-world sex but when you meet Shownu, everything you know about Alphas is challenged. He’s soft - for the lack of better word. He cooks you meals, he takes you out on dates… all of which are not really necessary for an Alpha - Omega relationship… right? Whatever. You’d just really, really, wish he’d touch you now warning: this story may be slow-paced at the start, no other warnings for now - also, boo seungkwan’s appearance! a/b/o dynamics! 

Many poets and writers have tried, failed and came close to describing what true heartbreak is. Such fundamental human experience is so universal that many men and women across history have drawn inspiration from it and created amazing works of art - sculptures, plays, books and songs. At the back of your mind, you remember reading something like - “If nothing saves us from death, at least love should save us from life” and although it’s beautiful and you certainly want to be saved, you feel like it’s too dramatic to apply to your own situation.

Even though you certainly feel like dying right now.

Mouth dry and head pounding, you blearily open your eyes to the sight of your blinking alarm clock. The numbers 1:03 pm mocks you in all its inherent cheeriness. Underneath the cocoon of your warm bed, you squirm, sweating and uncomfortable – feeling like you just want to crawl out of your skin just to reach the itch between your skin and bones. Fists closing and unfurling, you try to resist the urge to scratch, knowing that there’s nothing to find beneath, nothing to offer you relief.

Kicking off your sheets, you try to reign in the uneasiness. At the back of your ears, you feel the itch worsen, crawling down your nape burning down its path. Rubbing yourself against the scratchy texture of your bedsheets feels like heaven and hell alternating between five seconds – the brief relief only highlighting the torment of your hormones tenfold.

Time seem to pass too slowly as you try to muster the strength to get up. But your body refuses to cooperate, your limbs heavy and your mind foggy. This is what you hate the most about suppressants, the side-effects feels like punishment for being born an omega. Your head feels like it’s submerged underwater, and you don’t hear your apartment door opening with a bang.

“I’m here!” Seungkwan sings, grocery bags hanging from his arms. His eyes roam your kitchen before landing on you through your open bedroom door. At the sight of you, his mood drops. ”Oh my god, what are you doing!”

Your best friend rushes over to you and grasps your wrists, quickly pulling it away from your arms.

Streaks of scratches marred your neck and arms while you tremble. He notes with a small amount of relief, that at least, you didn’t break skin.

Aish, this girl.

Relief flood you at the familiar smell of your friend and his cool hands, drawing away from the heat marked by your nails. You let him drag you up to your couch. Sitting down, he grasps your wrists with one hand and reaches for one of the grocery bags with his other.

“Next time I see him, I’m gonna kick him in the nuts.” Seungkwan swears, agitated. Between the two of you, there’s only one person he could be referring to. You wince at the thought of Geun-woo, the alpha who had once frequented your bed. Pulling you out of your thoughts, Seungkwan fishes out a sheet of tablets and pops one open for you.

Trusting you to control yourself, he lets go of your wrists and hands you a bottle of water from the same bag.

“It’s not his fault he found his true mate, Seungkwanie.” You sigh, after swallowing the pill. You don’t know if it’s placebo or not, but immediately, the irritating itch and heat under your skin recedes.

The beta rolls his eyes. True mates, bah – people throw it around like a free pass. “True mate or not, it doesn’t mean he gets to drop you like a hot sweet potato – which you are, sweet and you look like a potato, woman, get yourself together! – and ride off into the sunset. Any decent alpha knows that omegas need weaning –”

Seungkwan goes off on a rant that you’ve heard on loop for the past week.

Geun-woo was a friend from the university. As alphas tend to be, he was popular and well-liked by your peers. His designation spurred him to be in the best shape he could be, drove him to win championship after championship for your university football team. After graduation, he went on to train for the national team and was – is – on his way to being a national athlete.

You could talk on and on about who Oh Geun-woo is to many people, but you could summarize what he was to you in three words: not your boyfriend.

The arrangement between the two of you was simple. You were adults, busy people living busy lives interrupted almost monthly by your heats and ruts. It was a logical and practical way to ensure that neither of you spend your vulnerable biological ~events~ alone. It was a good arrangement and after two years of it, you could honestly call Geun-woo a good friend.

However, the downside with spending such time so often with someone you’re not bonded with is you develop what experts call, a quasi-bond. It has all the effects of being bonded but dialed down by almost a hundred. You think it’s an exaggeration but you, an unbonded omega, really isn’t in the position to do so.

So when, Geun-woo found his true mate at some meet abroad, he dropped you faster than you could blink.

You don’t blame him, but man, it sucks.

Seungkwan glanced at you, sighing at your silence. Sending a prayer above, he fishes his wallet and takes out a card. “I have a suggestion.”

With your heat coming at you, barreling in the next two weeks, you’re just about open to any suggestion so, you hum behind your coffee mug, “The floor’s yours.” Well, at least the little of it that’s still visible under your clothes and knick-knacks.

“Before you say anything, know that I am suggesting this out of the goodness of my heart. But why don’t you consider this?” Seungkwan implored, handing you the card.

The black and purple card reads; “SS Matching Services” and under it, their company motto; “We’ve got the match for you.” With their office address and contact number.

“A pimping service?”

“Ya,” Seungkwan protested, red-faced, “Take your 19th century standards out of the gutter.”

His adamant protest startles a laugh out of you. For the guy who used to glare at anyone holding hands in public, your best friend has grown well. “Actually, it was worse in the 19th century but go off, I guess.”

Seungkwan leveled you with a flat look that had you raising your hands in surrender. No good can come from antagonizing the guy who just quite literally saved your life. “I’m listening.”

“Look, it’s just an option and it’s legit. Tough screening process too.” He takes out his phone and shows you the company’s website. Briefly, you glance at it before taking the card. Physically, it weighs like nothing but in your mind, it weighs like something amazing.

“How’d you know that?”

“My sunbaenim, uses this from time to time. It helps with his ruts. Win-win.” Seungkwan shrugs. You wonder which sunbae he’s referring to, given his many hobbies.

The website doesn’t look like it’ll give your laptop a virus, you’ll give it that. It’s classy and clean, and no random photos of just naked torsos. Good sign.

“You’re surprisingly blasé about this.” You laugh, eyes warm and surprised at how maturely Seungkwan delivers, only to laugh out loud at the sight of his burning ears.

You promised Seungkwan that you’ll check out the site but as soon as you got back to work, everything just swept you away.

That’s what happens when you work with kids.

Eyes warm with fondness, you quietly pat the bottom of one of your snoozing students. It’s nap time and your classroom has turned into some sort of sleepover area with all your students wrapped up with their soft blankets, nuzzling into their softer pillows. The early afternoon light filters into the room through the curtains, painting over the children with a soft glow.

Across you, another teacher takes the opportunity to get some of her own sleep in, curling herself protectively around two kids. Your classroom smells like baby powder and sweet treats, littered with small pastel chairs and tables. Its walls decorated with your students artworks and colorful cartoon characters.

This, this is one of the many moments that remind you why you became a pre-school teacher.

Many of your peers assumed it’s because of your designation. Omegas are naturally more inclined to take positions that require caretaking, given the innate desire to give care to others. Just like alphas are more likely to take positions that require leadership.

However, you muse, cooing as the young beta in front of you snuggle closer to your lap, many tend to gloss over the many manifestations of one’s designation. It’s true that by virtue of being an omega, you’re naturally more inclined to take care of your peers. Your so-called softness being the defining quality of your group.

But your omega manifestation is… a bit different. Sometimes, it makes you wonder how you got hired as a preschool teacher in the first place.

“Teach’r, sleepy time?”

Glancing down, you see the young beta pout at you. Waving away your thoughts, you slide down to her side and let the afternoon light lull you to sleep. All thoughts about your heat fading away quietly.

Soon, naptime was over and so is the day. Parents slowly trickle in, one after another, to pick up their children. Most of them harried from work, but still smiling at you and your co-teachers in gratitude.

“See you tomorrow, Rahui!” You call, as the last student leaves.

The little girl in her puffy sweater turns and smiles at you sweetly. “Bye, bye, teacher! Sleepy time!”

You flush at your student’s comment much to her mother’s confusion. After falling asleep earlier, you’d woken up to a clean classroom and several of your students hovering over you. Your pre-heat symptoms felt like they’re coming too fast for your taste.

Waving her off with a smile, you untie your apron and walk to the staff room where the others are. It’s almost 6 pm, and your daily staff meeting’s in session. In front of the room is your superior, an older bonded omega, with deep dimples on her cheek.

“Good job today, everyone.” She starts off, smiling at the soft cheers from everyone. “As you know…”

Your superior continues on to talk about the children’s upcoming activities. Vaguely, you hear her talk about a field trip, or is it a field demo? Shaking your head, you try to clear your thoughts but it seem like everything’s underwater, and no sound is escaping from her lips.

“… right, y/n?”

Blinking, you focus, and sent her a sheepish smile. “Sorry, you were saying?”

Your superior smiles forgivingly, “I was asking about that self-defense class you’ve been wanting to teach. When would you like to schedule it? Of course, pending approval with everyone’s schedule.”

Immediately, a large smile appears on your cheek. It’s approved?? You’ve been proposing that seminar for months. Most of the omega teachers were wary of the thought but warmed up to it recently. Especially when you mentioned how it’ll help them protect their kids – their students – more.

“How about two weeks from now?”

“Anytime!” You offer. The enthusiasm isn’t lost on your co-workers, some of them shaking their heads in amusement.

Your superior looks over your office board and hums at the chart. It contains all your schedules, including leaves, conferences to attend and heat cycles. With one look, your heart drops.

“Actually…” you start off, wincing at the thought of inconveniencing everyone because of your biology. “My heat is coming up in two weeks…”

Surprisingly, or not, omegas are actually quite liberal in discussing things like this. It’s simply part of the biology you live with. So your mortification is unfounded as your co-workers nod in understanding, quickly suggesting different dates.

Your superior nods, and glances at your work log book. “Well, we could schedule maybe four weeks from now to get you time to recover? Don’t forget to file your leave.”

Right.

“I still can’t believe she flew you in for her rut.” Jooheon’s laugh and disbelief reaches Shownu’s ears before he even steps inside. Smiling to himself, he finds his friends lounging in his living room, completely comfortable and completely unexpected.

Jooheon looks up at his arrival, “Hi, hyung! We let ourselves in!” 

“I can see that.” Shownu nods in greeting, trying to remember who he gave his spare keys to. He’s pretty sure he didn’t make six copies of his set. Shrugging off his coat, he look on, realizing how his living room looks smaller with a bunch of guys occupying it. Jooheon and Minhyuk are on his couch, Changkyun’s on his stomach on the floor, playing with his phone and, Hyunwoo and Kihyun are by the window drinking a can of beer each. 

That’s one, two, three… four, five… 

“Hey, you’re home! And – are those protein bars?” The paper bag is snatched from his hand, before Shownu registers, blinking slowly as Wonho disappears once again into the kitchen. 

The smell of jajjangmyeon invades his senses. Ah, yes, guys’ night. 

Shortly after his arrival, everyone gathers in the dining room. With the two youngest improvising chairs out of the boxes Shownu hasn’t had the chance to unpack, having just moved into his new home a month ago. 

To the eldest’s surprise, everyone pitched in with dinner, bringing different dishes and filling the dining table. Assorted cuts of meat are sizzling over the portable electric grill Wonho brought, several small plates of side-dishes and… are those buttered crabs he’s seeing? “What’s this?” 

Minhyuk shoots him an amused glance over his beer, “You don’t really think we’ll let you off without a house warming, right?” 

Shownu blinks, a small bashful smile forming on his lips, “But I’ve been here a month.”

An arm wraps around his shoulder and a weight shakes him back and forth. Kihyun rolls his eyes, getting into his personal space. “This is the first time we’ve been complete for a month! Just enjoy it!” 

Jooheon hums, his cheeks filled with lettuce and meat from the grill. “Yeah, I mean, though it’s only Minhyuk-hyung that hasn’t been around, too busy getting his dick wet.” 

“Oi!” their youngest protests, ears burning and nearly spitting out his drink. “We are eating.” 

Wonho heartily “taps” Changkyun’s back, laughing. “We’re all adults here. It’s not as if you haven’t heard or said anything worse, Kyunie.” 

“Yeah, daddy~” Hyungwon hits, reminding everyone of one very particular incident in college that featured a younger Changkyun and a girl from the bar, and the very thin walls of their shared apartment. 

Changkyun flushes before rolling his eyes, “At least I get some. Can’t say the same to you.” 

Scoffing, Minhyuk raises his hands, “Excuse me, I have no problem with that.” 

Before Minhyuk starts to dive into his sexual exploits, Kihyun saves the day and shoves a piece of meat into his mouth and diverts the conversation to work.

Over food and drinks, Shownu and his friends catch up on their personal lives – not having as much time to get together as before. Not with Wonho’s celebrity coaching taking off, Jooheon and Changkyun’s new artist, Kihyun’s voice academy and Hyungwon’s and Minhyuk’s modelling. 

Sometimes, Shownu feels left behind by the big dreams his friends are living but every day, he wakes up and goes home happy as a chef and food blogger. His appetite thanking him for the career path he chose. Besides, as Changkyun said, he could go big time if he wants, it’s just a matter of self-promotion which he’s terrible at given his shy personality. 

Dinner passes by with a blur and they find themselves nursing their last beers when Jooheon circles back to Minhyuk’s vacation. 

“So, hyung. How does it feel to fulfill your sugar baby dreams?” The young alpha jokes, his dimples appearing on his cheeks as he elbows Minhyuk. 

Stars appear in the latter’s eyes and with a dreamy sigh, he responds jokingly, “Just as I’ve always dreamed.” 

The one of the only two omegas of their group has never shied away from talking about his exploits, his looks and all the advantages he gets from it. Often, he jokes that’s why he became a model – to be admired and to fulfill his duties to the world and bless them with his godly looks. 

“She flew me to her family’s island, and we spent her rut and my heat underneath the blanket of stars.” Minhyuk recounts, all dreamy-eyed, “I felt really spoiled.”

“I bet.” Kihyun remarked, smirking. “Is this the girl you’ve been telling us about?”

Ignoring Hyungwon’s cough of which one, Minhyuk nods, “Yes!” and turns to Shownu, “She’s actually friends with Nayeon – who, by the way, is asking me about you, hyung.” 

Shownu blinks, before handing a can of beer to Wonho across him. “Me?” 

“Yeah, she asked why you never called her.” 

A chorus of ooh’s echoes in the room followed by a few gruff laughter. Shownu ducks his head and nurses his drink. Nayeon’s a nice girl, a model that he met when Minhyuk called in a favor for him to substitute as one of their shoot’s models after the original model called in sick. She gave him his number on a piece of paper before departing with a sultry look and a flying kiss. 

Contrary to popular belief, Shownu is not dense – or, more like, he’s not that dense. 

“Ah,” Shownu starts, “Um. I don’t think we’re looking for the same thing.” 

Wonho pauses and eyes him, before levelling the younger guys with a look that has them catching their teasing remarks and keeping it to themselves. Wonho has known Shownu the longest and knows that though his friend’s an alpha, physically, through and through, his disposition often throws people off. 

He’s soft when others are hard. Soft-spoken, patient like a saint and very careful with his actions and words. Wonho doesn’t even remember if he’s ever seen his friend get angry or aggressive in the span of their long friendship. 

A romantic at heart, through and through.

“Well,” Kihyun claps, breaking the quiet, “You know, no point in pursuing something that you know’s a dead end, right?”

Minhyuk pouts, sometimes a little bit insensitive in his enthusiasm, “But she’s cute! And she’s an omega too! Besides – wait—how do you even deal with your ruts?” 

Shownu’s face lights up like a lantern, the drinks doing nothing about the flush crawling up his neck. It’s not like he’s never spent it with someone, but every time, after the week of his rut, he always feel tired and empty. So for the past ruts, he’s been dealing with it - “Alone, with suppressants.”

“Yah, I thought you’d stopped taking those!” 

Constant use of suppressants for an alpha fucks up their cycle and even their moods. Wonho knows this the best because he was on it for several months back in college, before he started becoming confident enough in his newfound muscles and height. 

“I did.” Shownu nods, assuring his friends. “I don’t use them anymore. Just when I’m… you know. It’s just easier to deal with.”

All the alphas in the room scoff under their breaths. Yeah, it’s easy if easy felt like walking and dancing on hot coal in the middle of the hottest summer day. It’s not as if their eldest can’t get a woman just by standing by the bar, being his awkward self. 

At their little corner, Jooheon and Changkyun glance at each other, years of friendship evident in their wordless communication. Changkyun tilts his head, eyes widening and jaw clenched, “Go”, he mouths. 

Jooheon pouts, “Do you know how hard it is to get into their mixers, punk?” 

Shrinking at Changkyun’s flat stare, Jooheon rolls his eyes and sends a prayer to the universe asking for good karma. 

“Hyung, what do you think about dating services?” 

Notes: The stage is set for our two protagonists! I tried to incorporate as much world-building and character backgrounds as I can without it being over the top. Please leave comments and asks! :) I’m trying to stick to weekly updates. Also, support Monsta X’s next comeback!