#but the fact ive made friends with some people who will not hesitate to try and help me out has been astronomically helpful

[crabs-nonsense]

Guess who had a mental breakdown, shaved all their hair off, disassociated for over an hour, and then trauma dumped about it to a very new friend.

Hm? Yeah no, totally wasn't me. No clue what ur talking about aha

[ilys00ga]

hellooo, ur blog is such a comfort for me <3 ! can i request yoongi meeting reader who’s quite literally the same person as him. he could’ve met the reader through one of the members trying to hook them up. “you two are so alike it’s scary, i think you’d be a match made in heaven”. so yoongi agrees..eventually. but when he meets the reader, it’s horrible! their similar personalities clash in the worst way possible. it’s pretty funny to everyone, because they totally thought they were in matchmaker mode?? the two constantly talk about how they couldn’t stand each other, so it surprised everyone when yoongi just admitted that he’d and the reader had been dating for a few months after their first meeting. loll

A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN.

pairing: yoongi x reader.

genre: fluff, i tried to make it funny loool, best friends to lovers, non idol au (?), non idol!yoongi, non idol!jimin, non idol!namjoon, jimin is the dramatic bestie and namjoon is just the very supportive friend that's happy to be there.

warnings: this is pure fiction and English is not my first language.

A/N: okay so, there was also this one ask I got from @parkjennykim that says: "Hiiii ❤️ hope this finds you well. Could you write a fluffy bsf to lovers with yoongi? Theres hardly any of those out there 😭 i need some fluff ive been too deprived and depressed".

I thought these two were similar so I decided to merge them, I hope that's ok for both of u :). thank u sm for sending these reqs, I really appreciate it and I hope u enjoy this read. do not hesitate to send more if u want to !

ᵎᵎ 𖦹彡⋆｡˚・ ─ ・ ⋯ ・ ─ ⊹ ♡₊˚๑

“I'm sorry, WHAT?!” Jimin, who’d been slouched on the couch with his head leaning against its rolled arm, sat up straight and goggle-eyed as soon as he heard what Yoongi had said.

The latter only rolled his eyes, not surprised one bit at his friend’s dramatic reaction. In fact, he expected it to be so much worse, but he guessed the younger one was just too tired that day for all of that. “don’t be loud.” he hissed and crossed his arms.

“hyung, are you serious?” Namjoon asked from where he was sitting with his chopsticks hanging in the air near his mouth as he too was stunned by the eldest’s statement.

“why the hell would i lie and say that me and __ have been dating for almost two months now?” Yoongi muttered through narrowed his eyes. "TWO MONTHS- woah, this is crazy. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” The youngest of the three covered his face with his hands and heaved a big, disappointed sigh.

“Seriously, why is he so annoying today?”

Namjoon chuckled as the older continued side eyeing their dongsaeng, “hyung, he’s just really happy for you. I too am.”

“I’m very happy, yes, but, hyung, how could you hide such a thing from me? I literally helped you grow the balls to ask her out.” Jimin whined and slouched back down on the couch with a growing pout, “I've been waiting for you two to get together for months.”

It's true, Jimin was a man on a mission ever since he’d noticed the insanely similar character traits when you and your (now) boyfriend met for the very first time. two individual human beings but the exact same patterns and edges. on a large scale, talking to you always felt like talking to Yoongi and vice versa.

It was like a game to him. It made him buzz with excitement, reminding himself every now and then to keep a close eye and count all the similarities you two shared. not that it was hard to notice to begin with: having almso the exact same taste (especially in music), always sitting silently when being around other people and speaking little amounts of words when necessary, getting flustered and smiling shyly when being complimented, being chill and too soft to scold or yell at anyone (most of the time), having that same slow tone in your voices whenever you talk, having random bursts of energy or playful teasing despite the cold facade both of you display, getting so talkative when it comes to topics and things you’re so passionate about, being very honest but never too rude or offensive about it, being the most hardworking people jimin has probably ever met in his entire life—something that nevers fails to admire about the two of you.

You and Yoongi were so similar, even your bad habits and red flags matched. When setting your mind on finishing a task—say a project for example—you’d wear your bodies out for the sake of completing it, even if it meant you’d stay up several hours late during the night. and when mad or during intense clashes and arguments, you would put thick walls between you and the other person, ignoring and shutting them out until you're human enough to confront them. sometimes it’s too hard to even apologize, instead, you’d slowly start approaching them as if nothing had happened at all.

“No wonder you two ended up together, you’re basically a match made in heaven.” Namjoon nodded his head as he munched on his food, as if approving of his own statement.

“i know! and the way you wasted your time pinning on each other was killing me.” being the biggest shipper of your pair, Jimin huffed as he spoke with a very serious tone.

“how did you guys even make it?” namjoon asked.

“We hit it off right after the first date.” Yoongi answered with a shrug, acting as nonchalant as ever.

“you mean the date i had set for you?” it was jimin who asked this time, and when Yoongi nodded in confirmation, the younger groaned and buried his face into the couch, “hyung, you are seriously the worst.”

“hyung, you both are coffee addicts, take her to a new café this time!” Jimin suggested with a huge grin on his face. after finding out that you two secretly liked each other, he spent weeks pressuring Yoongi to confess his feelings for you. He couldn’t believe that his hyung finally obliged after many “no”s and “I don’t like __ that way.”s and “we’re just friends.”s. it was getting really annoying.

YG: “Can we hang out tomorrow? as two people wanting to know each other.”

ME: “Are you asking me on a date?”

YG: “yeah?”

ME: “okay :)”

that was the conversation you had with him the day before he took you on a cute café date. The place was impressively good, but the date was the complete opposite of that. Nothing bad happened, yet sitting down with someone you’ve known for a good period of time and have shared good amounts of vulnerability with in that intimate context was too unpleasant. Both of you struggled to find comfort and normality in the heavy awkward silence that fell on the table. and everytime he would try to play it off and throw some joke or normal piece of conversation that he found appropriate for a date, you two ended up laughing int your sweaty palms because of how ridiculous the whole situation was.

“stop laughing!” Yoongi exclaimed while his shoulders shook, giggling.

“I'm sorry, I'm trying!” you wiped at the corners of your eyes.

"Just act like this is a normal hangout.." he had said after a short moment.

"We're literally on a date." you reminded him.

“right..”

The “date” didn’t last long, and the two of you ended up at his house. eating popcorn on his couch and watching your favorite series of movies together.

Later that night, he asked, “so, what are we?”

“whatever you want us to be.” you answered with flushed cheeks.

“I like you..” he whispered, eyes never leaving the TV screen acroos the couch, "more than friends should like one another."

“Great, ‘cause I'd be sad if you didn’t like me back.” you whispered back, never daring to glance his way even for a split of a second.

“Wait, does that mean I won the bet?” Namjoon suddenly spoke, making Jimin kick him lightly on the shoulder from where he was still lying with a sour frown, and toss a few dollars he had grabbed from his wallet at the smiling man's extended palm.

“Did you two seriously make a bet on my relationship?” came a sharp question from Yoongi.

[purretty-purrincess]

hey

the shit ton of art youre all about to get has roleplay lore i have to explain

quick disclaimr: i mnew none of these peopl. not a single personn. we couldnt plan any of yhis out before hand, nor would we if he couldve.bthis was all made on a whim, so some ends will unfortuabtely be loose, and not everything will nake sense. ill probably adjust lore in the futurebbecause i actually like this idea in yhe future, though

lore under cut

miku is asleep in her bedroom, peaceful and happy

BOOM

someone breaks in

someone will not get a name because they are not important. well acrually they can get miku fan #1

more people brake in, stars getting freaky

ANOTHER person breaks in. tis equius, bu miku does not yet know his name. mike fan #2

"okay, fuck you guys. whorver leaves first if yje 1 fan and gets a sloppy makeout from me"

miku fan #2 immediately exits the room, followed by miku fan #1

"ok you horned bigch yiu win come bere"

im not iving detaiils on ther makeuot

"woha.. whats ur name.." miku asks, asyonished by k actually i dont need to write a whole fanfic in here. what the fuck am i doing man

tjey kiss, miku finds out name, they get frwaky, MORE PEOPLE FUCKING BREAK IN AND START PARTUINH. they are important actually. their names are jake english and aradia, rveealed by them talking to each other

equius and milu find a new home, get freaky again??

miku tries to get equius to dom, equius is hesitant, miku yells at him. first signal of mikubeing toxic, bht equius ignores it. they cuddle instead

miku leaves for 'food', but is rlly cheating at a mcdonalds w jake. in front of aradia (WHO HAS A CRISH ON JAKE!!!) aradia leaves 'to give them lrivacy' bit actually tells equius

equius is like nahh its good its MIKu. im honored to just b in her prescense. meanwhile miku is callling equius a pathetic loser

miku comes back, accuses equius of cheating w aradia in a huge outburst (they werent, aradia was just telling him. they were a good distance away too). aradia flees, equius takes the verbal abuse again, miku chases aradia and screams at her in fromt of jake. jake calls it hor, they get freKy AGAIN, miku bites jakes tongue off and cuts his dick off, leaves back to equius eelictantly bc "hes probably getting worried.."

miku comes back, makes a nice drugged dinner for equius

equius KNOWS itxs drugged but is like "nah babe its good. you just didnt measure shit right. uhh but i do feel dizzy" miku tales him upstairs, chops off his dick so other girls cant touch jt also before this she banned equius from talking or looking at other girls

she then chops off his horns and legs, carries him to coffe shop, kills a worker there bc equius told him everything and he was gna call the police, goes back home, leaves to cheat again, RATS COME IN AND RUIN IT ALL, miku flees, the goes back to jake who is PISSED and now dating aradia bc aradia is the only sane one. besides the fact that she out nair in mikus shampoo and miku is now bald , and aradia explained miku was juts using him for sex. moku is PISSED, goes back to equius (who was in a jail cell??), equius helps her ruin aradia and jake by trying to ceget arafis to cheat w equius, fails bc jake made friends w the rats and sicced them on equius, so equius fleed, miku verbally abuses him again , jake and aradia aarrive on the scene w tha ratd. miku screams at everyone, then turns to aradia and.. applogizes. she apologizes for everything. aradia laos alologizes for making her bald. they start to flort, leave the boysin the house ( also th boys are fogjting each other and the rats are atta king equius), aradia and miku get freekayy . also i wna mention that aradia was played by a girl named super freaky girl 2 ehich is finny as fuck to me, miku leaves, finds equius om the floor, breaks up w him, breaks the news that their relationship actualy sucks ass a d they both need mental health, and just as everything is looking up-

miku is sniped by one of the rats

END.

[daedalusdavinci]

(don't) ship ask: bruharvey

mybe other flavours of it as well

send me a ship and ill answer these questions depending on whether or not i ship it

based on the content of my blog i can understand why anyone might be under the impression that i actually cant fuckign stand bruharvey, and even think its the worst batman ship. so it may come as a surprise that i actually fucking love it

alksdfnsdf listen we ALL know. we all know. this blog is basically just a bruharv blog at this point i barely post anything else. there are so many different flavors of bruharv and im going to try and be coherent about this as much as possible. bear w me here

What made you ship it?

batman 1942 annual #14. EASY. it was one of the first 2f comics i ever read and one of the first COMICS i ever read. i was immediately obsessed with bruce and harveys friendship and the heartbreak of the whole story i LOVE a good divorced dynamic its just so. UGH. and the fact that in hush bruce states that part of the reason why he hesitates to pursue a relationship w selina is bc he doesnt want to lose her like harvey?? dark victory????? BTAS BRUHARV???? "sleep well my friend. wherever you are, whatever youve become, i will save you."!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "good old bruce. hes never given up on me. hes always been my best friend."!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO LOSE MY MIND OVER THEM!!!!!! sobbing crying screaming

from there it was just a quick descent into madness really

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

i rlly like the variation in the different dynamics and how it can be literally heartbreaking in so many different ways! i also just love that theyre FRIENDS, that they still love each other despite everything, just the. AUGH. bruharv is the blueprint, you already know, but like adding in matches puts a spin of it thats just so fucking. bittersweet and hard to look away from its like bracing for a hit but its so fucking good you have to love them. harvey knows its bruce, and knowing hes trying like this but being unable to acknowledge it, just taking whatever you can, its just. hh. and w 2f not knowing its bruce, just growing attached to this man who reminds him so much of the first man he ever really loved, who is able to see him as he is and acknowledge it and love him anyway, and not have to compromise any of that for him!! and KNOWING its bruce, knowing that the realization is going to hurt 2f and bruce wants so bad to help him and be close to him but cant ever risk getting close enough to let him find out!!! and twobruce is like. augh. ive already ranted about them ive already obsessed youll just have to go read that bc this is already too long slkdjfnsdkf. i just kNOW bruce is still so important to 2f i know he loves him i know it. twobats is just hatefucking w an undercurrent of extreme angst on bruces side and harvbat is peak unhealthy delusional angsty hatefucking i love them theyre deranged

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

2f is not a villain anymore than harv is they both have complex relationships w bruce and batman and morality and if you believe otherwise youre ableist <3 im not fucking joking. some of you really need to spend some time researching did bc you bought way too hard into the evil alter trope in a way that disturbs me deeply. get help.

also i think there should be more hatefucking and toxicity i love it when old men are bad people

[rennyji]

*******************************************************************

( updated with " 12 " links towards the bottom: " 6 " TO additional Tumblr posts and " 6 " TO clips posted on twitter for visual demonstration --- UPDATED Feb 17, 2024 6:00 AM --- UPDATE LIST: -the bottom sections as highlighted by date -the Tumblr link called my tale -did some proofreading too -the Tumblr link called my mind is the general and my body is the tank 2nd Tumblr link, towards bottom, completely updated and organized: the one titled: my tale )

& a link to what I'm calling: some philosophy, that I used write before I got scared out of writing...I used to like the things that popped in my head...:

*******************************************************************

THE MORE IMPORTANT STUFF:

what am I not seeing, if you're thinking something else...foul play? Deceit? Trickery at its worst?!

here's something perplexing me & scaring me...Y is no 1 making the connection b/w what's happening 2 me & the "Stargate Project" searchable on Google & Wikipedia? Notion of "remote viewing" & "information gathering" comes up. U can search urself or click:

- I could be in a position 2 be made a big fool thru what "people believe" as fact as 2 what is happening to me and what "I know." U'll think I'm an idiot b/c I'm somehow portrayed as a sciencey weirdo believing in aliens or as everyone's friendly neighborhood brother/friend.-

- Im hesitant 2 say this, but hows whats happening 2 me not creating a panic? How do they think this is happening 2 me? Do they think Im chipped or won some mind reading lotto? Did some1 tell them that& R people just accepting "theGovernment?!"(of all groups&people) @ faceValue?-

- you wanna know what's one of the odd dynamics in my situation? My family and other sources of trust cannot talk to me about my situation. I cannot talk to them about it. doesn't that sound like an opportunity for foul play? Especially with the government?-

- maybe this is masqueraded as a school or kids doing it. But who profits most from forms ofMind reading/mind control? Obviously the government. People become obsessed w/ideas like "he's such a good guy" that they forget the very terrifying thing that will uproot mental health.-

- My surrounding community is probably waiting to profit off a relationship, in friendship or money, and is going with the flow of not talking to me about it, while it's happening. Foul play likely. The government really won the lotto with my situation.-

- I'm not even sure how they keep little kids quiet or out of sight when they're around me. What's more "probable"? - kids taking on the burden faithfully 2 conceal a situation to me, or the government manipulating their minds to ignore me? Since when were kids that trustworthy?-

- what will be consequences of this? Can a person be safe in their own home? I'm sure there's that expected a*s hole who finds humorous that Im in the comfort of my home being harassed...but how do U know it's not happening to you? how do you know the world isn't secretive w/u?-

- I have faith, or some hope that these tweets are seen by someone/anyone. I try different avenues across the last decade/or more, and keep putting out my experience. I typed this on my laptop...normally I type things on my phone. Will someone see this?-

-do U think that when I go 2 UPS or supermarket, there are cameras everywhere, 4 purpose of seeing what I see or hearing what I hear? Do U think like bull sh*t psychology notions, fancy terms like "predictive analytics" are how orchestrators of my situation know where I'll be?-

- ive accepted my situation. I'm fearful to what extent it will go. I live with that fear taking away the peace, in killing time, through watching a streaming service on my tv, in my house. but it's not cozy to say the least. how are other people not worrying about themselves?-

- how are mental health professionals handling the consequences of my situation when their patients tell them they think someone's reading their mind? I never read the book 1984. but I'm familiar with a term used in relation to the book: "the thought police"-

- Desire is not a bad thing. It's about how you go about carrying out that desire that makes it good or bad. Intentions or best of intentions aren't bad. But evil things can be done w/the best of intentions. God gave man free will. Its the key theme in the Adam/Eve story. -

- what happens when the American or maybe even Russian governments, act like the thought police, and to better humanity (the intention), they curb mans aggressive or selfish nature through various mind manipulations? Sometimes anger helps us make a needed change in our lives. -

- what happens when the thought police takes away free will? What happens when death row inmates are killed, to transfer a government official's consciousness, to their body?-will their loved ones know it's them? To what extent will this go?-

- so I tweeted a number of tweets on my X/twitter username: “rennyji”. they were all sent thru a device that wasn’t my phone. Will people see it? R they seeing this from my phone now? R they seeing my original twitter page or some1 else’s platform proxying b/w me &others?-

- Google “stargate project” and checkout the Wikipedia page. Google “remote viewing and Miami herald” and see the webpage from the newspaper. The newspaper article is dated as 2017- that’s while I’m in my mind reading situation.-

- If the government is denying remote viewing, how do they explain my situation in terms of what’s happening to me, through what’s justified as innocent fun or entertainment?-

an interesting link:

- people are so busy wanting 2 see next tantalizing thing in my situation or watch apparent guy w/everything get screwed, ur oblivious 2 fact some form of mind manipulation is occurring. R people so stupid to believe that by letting this happen 2 me, it won’t happen 2 them?-

- lemme guess: while making some retarded point about electronic devices, some of you think it’s all smoke and mirrors or the result of “hacking through cell phone cameras and mics or hacking a laptop.” Maybe you think theres hacking of cc tv cameras at supermarkets-

- I just don’t understand, how even if it was a series of tech hacks or legit “remote viewing”(searchable term) with legit mind reading, how people remain calm, how mental health issues aren’t on the rise. -

- ur so glued to my reaction to something that i cannot hear, conveying to you, what I think about you when you walk or drive by, that ur ignoring something could legitimately be reading your mind-I’m the distraction to your reality…-

- it’s scary for me, because there’s the implication of foul play in my life, while leaving me to be royally screwed by our government, pretending to be a school or kids or some family show. Something is studying all of you.-

- you hear on the news about a mob robbing an Apple Store or shootings. People are less hinged than before. How is there not more chaos with the reality of mind reading and mind control?-

- people believe the most stupid made up fancy smancy sounding words like predictive analytics or people “believing what they want to”. Psychology is Americas way of explaining away the supernatural in people’s lives.-

- maybe even the mind reading aspect is explained away, leaving people tempted and susceptible to just accepting it: -

- thru observation & being guy in something for a decade, & knowing what should & shouldn’t be possible: legally, realistically, practically- I’m assuming this has to do w/brain mapping, fMRIs, saying something in my head & recording it or seeing which emotion lights up-

- I recall Obama talking about mapping out the brain as an initiative…are American presidents okaying this massive secret against me? Was he talking about mapping my brain?-

- Do you really think when “remote viewing” has been a topic for so long that the crude form of mind reading I mentioned 2 tweets ago is the only way to read a mind?-

- & thing about my situation? Its foundation or what it’s built on, are a series of crime by university officials, and students I’ve filed several complaints about. Is the government so sadistic against a brown man that they give people he complained about, access 2 his brain?!-

- they think it’s okay to do this or justifiable until I give specifics about everything 2 some1 who will never acknowledge my situation. I used my senses & words like “platforms” 2 describe my situation.-

- R orchestrators waiting 4 me 2 use exact science term 2 believe I know what’s going on? R they waiting 4 me 2 psychically say all their names in place of labels like orchestrators? Whats an orchestrator? The guy or gal running my unheard of situation. Can U imagine my stress?-

- once again, check out terms like “stargate project” on Google, or “remote viewing Miami herald” 2 see newspaper article online. Government denied these things were happening as recent as 2017. So if they’re still lying, how are they explaining & hiding what’s happening to me?!

- it wasn’t God who caused my situation. It wasn’t me, as I mind my business and return to my home. It was other people. Other people can help or hurt other people. In my case, America as a nation conspired against me and led the rest of the world into America’s wrong doing.

link to the another/following Tumblr/twitter post

another link to another Tumblr post:

my tale, written between Sunday and Monday of 2024 - hopefully the last of it

another Tumblr post:

and another Tumblr post: this time in mindfulness and its power:

finding myself in the usual spot over the last decade plus. I could write forever "with fluid/not restrained by time/deadline" broad unstructured focus of getting the truth in an unknown situation, out. It's why I tried to talk to family about this so much prior to initial hospital visit. Going to make effort to adding to this Tumblr link this one last time:

---

The Feb 17, 2024 5:00 AM UPDATE

---

I like 2 use Twitter ( @rennyji ) or X to convey my perspectives or truths. However, the service posts thoughts, extending beyond 1 tweet, in order of most recent post. It results in long thoughts posting backwards. U tend 2 know that 1 tweet is part of something bigger b/c of dashes.

I always pictured self as one trying 2 get thru school or some present hurdle is, so that I could pave way 2 living/enjoying life I.e. minding own business. But who does “the government” target?- those in solitude, without much family/friends or some1 wholl disclose info 2 them.

If I no about situation-plus or minus somethings -continuing 2 conceal it has no benefit 2 overall project/program. Orchestrators clearly just like dominance & control over some1 who outwits them. All this said yrs ago, like broken record. These predators like fear of their kill. ---

Sections below added on January 19 11:59 PM:

--- I'm at such a disadvantage. The government/school/college youth sounding voices have advantage & resources of all these people wherever I go who listen to them. If I was from a white family from down South, it would be easier to tell them about the government being on my tail (who else deals with any type of mind reading and for what ultimately? getting intelligence on the enemy.) Being Indian in background, has a lot of advantages. The immense focus on education fuels our families toward providing education and removing any/all hurdles surrounding education. But where it sucks to be Indian? If someone, older/younger, whoever, wants to say you son/daughter is bad to our parents? Our parents don't take our side. They listen to the strangers. And if you have parents from a village in India who came to America for opportunity? Are these the people that you're forced to communicate "mind reading/mind control/ or at the very least: brain mapping tech?" And for them to get it, there' the immense hurdle of having to convey it in their native dialect - its not that they don't get English, but when you really want someone to understand, you talk in, both, their literal/metaphorical language. They came to America for opportunity. And I have to tell them that America is taking away all freedoms and opportunities from me- I mean look at the fact that its been more than a decade of 'this situation' (how off am I?)

---

So from conspiratorial topics like project blue beam, what can we notice from my situation & times we’re in?

(Associated Clip)

("x" in the link below is twitter's new name. RennyJi is my twitter handle/username. For some reason, the link is not clickable on this Tumblr blog page. Please copy and paste the link-text, below, to your web browser.)

https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1748476549861360024?s=20

-1st, from prev. clip, is “induced audio.”Familiar?-whatever Im hearing/ur hearing w/o me. Next? Loyalty 2 state vs family-Evident in USA w/trendy admiration 4 flag/army. Next: how religion get erased/replaced w/psychiatry.Then allegedRandom earthquakes in Japan/Haiti. Created?!-

- in all these fringe &/or conspiratorial & sometimes ridiculous things, there’s some puzzle pieces 2 a bigger truth. What does clip, 2 tweets before, say towards end? How do U engage in instilling a mass conspiracy? With every1 blindly following instruction around a focus. Me.-

This gets in2 “waves” & what they can (WRT possibilities) do 2 the mind & tech. Leads 2 hacking. U say “wireless waves” 2 some1, U risk a depiction of crazy. It’s a taboo. But mind reading/control/conditioning from “thought injection”,/ thru technology “can” happen w/waves.

(Associated Clip)

("x" in the link below is twitter's new name. RennyJi is my twitter handle/username. For some reason, the link is not clickable on this Tumblr blog page. Please copy and paste the link-text, below, to your web browser.)

https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1748501802020938056?s=20

U want 2 no trademark move of American government/military? When some1 figures out a secret or comes up w/a world changing tech (like free unlimited energy associated w/Nikola Tesla), they disappear or just die b/c it goes against grand plan in big scheme of things-it’s true.-

(Associated Clip)

("x" in the link below is twitter's new name. RennyJi is my twitter handle/username. For some reason, the link is not clickable on this Tumblr blog page. Please copy and paste the link-text, below, to your web browser.)

https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1748521291550703780?s=20

- now if you’ve been reading my stuff, like my tumblr links (which are my tweets, but organized), you know I mentioned a professor who’d let certain things slip in my vicinity, died of a brain aneurism. How do these happen, if unnaturally or when coinciding with a secret? -

- the clip, 2 tweets ago, says, “when R we going 2 stand up & do something about these mother f*ers? Is it right 4 some elite people in government 2 hog all good ideas, even w/o a warning & disclosure? My situation might make all of U think, nothing can bad can happen.-

- but here’s the thing. In my situation, government/military/law enforcement sees opportunity. These guys are so cocky, they’ll find a way 2 get their way, w/every1 watching. They know I’m alone. They expect no1 to tell me or show me, my situation. -

- the government/military/law enforcement know that eventually the ball will be in my court or that my situation will end and I’ll have proof about it.-

- The government operates on “prevent, contain, salvage.” They couldn’t prevent from this being as viewed entertainment. They’re containing my situation by trusting no2 is noble enough to tell me about it and form a friendship. But they’re bordering “salvage.” -

- if the ball will come back to my court, I get freedom/control to my life, and I’m a famous public figure from being in my situation, what will a cocky government to do to regain control of proof of military tech for DOD purposes?-

- They’ll "salvage" in a way where I’m alive & seen publicly. They’ll probably try 2 map a soldiers consciousness 2 mine. They studied me, have my memories, know I’m alone, know my family. how would U know if person ur seeing, on the inside is not me? People can be cruel.-

-a government event is happening. They’re hiding in broad daylight, behind something like a show/school/college age youth, doing their will. They won the lotto with context or back story of situation or the conflicting personalities of college youth voices and me-

-The source of the sound of YouthVoices of “Have good time/party/TGIF, we got it sooo bad, going w/flow, teenage-probs-4ever” mindset. It goes against my “u arrogant f*s screw me w the govt, thru cute cr*p” mindset you keep going against. There's something very serious happening, & you'd have be retarded to see this with a good time. Who cares if people see me as a good person or not? The time of this, the way it happens, the thing that is happening...and all of your focus is on relationships and niceties? Unbelievable. Stupid much? Have all of you lost your minds? Or does it take that to wake you all up?! The orchestrators' mentality also goes against my nature ofMarriage/runningCompany, which isn't because “ofSituation-extending”mindset of orchestrations that they push, which is: "U dont have 2 marryByCertainAge." You apparently don't have to do anything by a certain age. What's it to them...they've lived their lives or are living it and know when my life gets better, there is going to be at least a nominal decrease to the quality of their lives.

Clip below from 2023 Hulu movie, “Assassin”. Gets into perils of brain mapping: that is, This is someone brain mapping their mind to, perhaps, yours, and as a result, control you, with or without a lapse in your memory.-could’ve already happened.

What does U.S. government do, when they’re against accountability 4 their actions? They make U look like a clown, they take away ur credibility, they take away ur say by manipulating justice system against U, despite ur defense. They focus on “prevent, contain, salvage.”-

- brain mapping…what if it enabled people to be operated like drones?- like a remote control plane…the project I’m forced into isn’t about curing diabetes. It’s about mapping person X’s consciousness, digitally, to person Y’s consciousness.-

- Everything happening is about employing common citizen as a soldier w/a government designed focus. This has been happening directly & indirectly. Indirectly, when U tell some idiot 2 do something & he/she does it. Directly, is when U map controllers consciousness 2 controllee.

CLIPS: (the link below is about mapping some1's consciousness to another person, to control them...)

("x" in the link below is twitter's new name. RennyJi is my twitter handle/username. For some reason, the link is not clickable on this Tumblr blog page. Please copy and paste the link-text, below, to your web browser.)

https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1748532128898285642?s=20

Other Links:

("x" in the link below is twitter's new name. RennyJi is my twitter handle/username. For some reason, the link is not clickable on this Tumblr blog page. Please copy and paste the link-text, below, to your web browser.)

https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1746761254889295983?s=20

("x" in the link below is twitter's new name. RennyJi is my twitter handle/username. For some reason, the link is not clickable on this Tumblr blog page. Please copy and paste the link-text, below, to your web browser.) https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1746826428656583065?s=20

#mindcontrol

#mind #Awareness

#FreakyNightmare

#AmericanNightmare

#Mindfulness

#ProblemSolving 

#Conspiracy

#BigBrother

#1984xAudible

#Orwellian

#Dystopia

#Orwell

[ooooo-mcyt]

Yknow what? I'd actually go so far as to say that, as much as ive seen it complained about, it's actually pretty hard to "UwU" or "Woobify" Grian within the context of yhs.

I mean. It's possible if you go really extreme with it, but it's hard.

Grian at his core is actually a primarily decent person most of the timeand is a primarily innocent party in most things. One who goes through a Lot.

If you really think about it Grian's moral compass isn't too far off normal basic human morality. He's often anxious and hesitant when faced with any involvement in criminal activity, he's frequently dismayed and offput by suggestions of violence (the less deserved the more dismay is expressed as well), he's disappointed and frustrated at seeing the people around him do fucked up things, he's almost always polite with a good head on his shoulders when faced with a kind or reasonable person. Even well into ts, long after first coming back to Japan, Grian is still incredibly uneasy and fidgety with the suggestion that he take part in violence, I mean, remember that time he, Taurtis, and Sam were tasked with killing Geode and Grian not only initially tried to refuse outright but then checked in shakily with the other two multiple times just to confirm if they were really going to kill someone. Grian's typically the character most likely in the entire series to be incredibly put off by and very hesitant about doing bad things (especially to people he's not one million percent certain deserve it).

And while one could argue that we can't really praise his moral compass for being hesitant about involving himself in crime/wrongdoing when he often ends up participating anyways. Actions speak louder than words and all. However I disagree. The fact that Grian vocally does not wish to be involved in this kind of thing and has proven to behave on the more reasonable and polite side when acting independently in relation to likewise level headed people....is Very important. In fact, in actual legal cases, oftentimes a factor in trying individuals is the question of whether they would commit the crime in question indepently or under normal circumstances. This is the basis for necessity, duress, and insanity pleas, amoung other's. People who would not act the way they did in a certain scenario under normal circumstances are often liable to be judged favourably in their actions. In fact, speaking of duress pleas, Grian's got a pretty solid one for a lot of his actions. The times Sam or Yuki held a knife to his throat or the times police threatened to kill him if he doesn't comply with orders or any alike incidents. In cases where duress isn't applicable to Grian's behaviour there are oftentimes incidents in which an outright case for violence in self defense can be made. In fact, most of Grian's circumstances leave him very viable to be judged sympathetically on a legal standpoint. The fact that he was a minor, the fact that he had no apparent history of violence or crime, the fact that he was in a severely abusive relationship with a criminal and entering said relationship marked the start of any sort of criminal behaviour from Grian, any criminal behaviour from Grian always being in a group setting never lead by himself, the fact that he always clearly and openly protests when pulled into these group settings, the duress and self defense pleas that are applicable to pretty much all incidents in which he does engage. Which are also all factors that can and should be accounted for on. a moral basis as well, obviously. And like, Grian has a reputation for being arrogant, cynical, and rude or whatever, but he's really not. He very rightfully calls out other people's horrible bullshit and makes snappy remarks towards his abuser but that's the opposite of a problem and Grian's proven himself more than capable of reasonable civility towards reasonable people. Grian just isn't the selfish arrogant disrespectful criminal that he's sometimes implied to be and in fact he's largely innocent- or absolvable, if you'd rather- in most of the things levied against him. Grian's not a literal saint giving to the needy and taking care of orphans in his spare time but he's a decent guy overall???

And hey, speaking of that super abusive relationship Grian landed in. Let's not forget the impact of that situation. Sam was undoubtedly abusive towards Grian. He threatened Grian's life various times, he basically told Grian he was nothing compared to Taurtis, he shoved plastic down Grian's throat and laughed when he choked, he got Grian locked up in solitary confinement through complete lies just because he thought it'd be entertaining I guess, he forced Grian to kiss an abnormally large amount of people against his will (some of these instances sam recorded despite being asked not to), he himself tried to make out with Grian without consent while Grian was sleeping in his own private room, he forcefully dressed Grian up in feminine cosplay meant to be ~attractive~ complete with fake breasts, he lied to Grian about the gender identity of someone Grian dated as a joke (his words) and lightly mocked Grian afterwards, he locked Grian in a basement for three days straight and it's unclear whether or not he was planning to let him out anytime soon, he dragged Grian into a closet with school staff despite Grian's very vocal distress and discomfort then scolded Grian for considering reported it when this staff member made uncomfortable comments on the outfit Sam had forced Grian into, Sam offered to give Grian to another guy who made a similar uncomfortable comment later on as part of some trade, he consistently dragged Grian against his will into criminal activity whether by threatening him, tricking him into participating, or just altogether falsely implicatng him, amoung Many other things. And every step of the way Sam did his best to completely gaslight Grian. He used every gaslighting technique in the book. Telling blatant lies (for example, "i would never stab taurtis", "you are taurtis", "grian's crazy and he stabbed taurtis"), he denies doing shit to Grian that Grian knows damn well he did ("i would never stab taurtis"). He hard projected his bs onto Grian (from blaming grian for 'making' sam do awful shit sam did to claiming grian actually fullstop did the awful shit sam did). He was just constantly trying to turn people against Grian (convincing yuki and taurtis to back him up in calling grian a bad manipulative friend and insisting he needed to apologize for 'making' sam horrifically abuse him. arriving in the police station and instantly without hesitation telling them grian was crazy and dangerous and pinning his own crimes on grian. having taurtis back him up and help scold grian for getting mad about being locked in the basement for days). Telling Grian he's crazy (taurtis incident again, solitary confinement incident, the time sam kissed grian without his consent while he slept and grian got mad). Telling everyone else that Grian's a manipulative liar (taurtis incident again, solitary confinement incident again). Yknow. Gaslighting. Sam was just so unbelievably abusive. In like. Every possible way. Which adds a LOT of trauma to Grian. That on top of his parents abandoning him as a little kid too because we couldn't leave it at severe abuse.

Grian's not a bad person. And he's certainly a very sympathetic person. Which is why it would be hard to woobify yhs Grian. It would be hard to make a very sympathetic very sad character egregiously sympathetic and sad. His whole arc is getting abandoned by his parents, going to visit his friends, and getting violently abused and forced into a multitude of disturbing activities against his will for an extended period of time.

One could argue that sure Grian isn't a bad person and sure Grian's got a pretty sad life, but certainly a lot of people are guilty of making Grian more helpless and scared and generally 'pathetic' than he is in canon.

To which I reply...not really?

Grian already doesn't have half the fight response people ascribe to him throughout the series. That was a whole other post but honestly Grian's response to traumatic situations is very frequently to cave to them and he's got a much stronger submissive streak than people often admit. I mean, Grian was asked to dress up as his best friend who just got stabbed "to make things less awkward and make me feel better" and he did it within ten seconds of being asked without the others even needing to threaten him at all. Grian does express quite a bit of despair, fear, and submissive tendency in canon when faced with dangerous or traumatic situations. And while it's possible to go a bit too far with that if you consistently leave out the token fight entirely, I see people swing way too far un the opposite direction way too often. There's a reason Grian never actually killed Sam in canon. There's a reason Grian never made a serious attempt to get him arrested for his crimes. There's a reason Grian never just left. When Sam found Grian after he ran out of the gym during the Taurtis incident? Grian didn't lunge for Sam. There was no serious altercation between the two. Grian scrambled back and tearfully babbled platitudes while shoving plastic down his own throat on command. And even beyond that, a lot of the interpretations accused of making Grian too helpless/scared/'pathetic' are works that involve Grian processing trauma years after the fact. Which. Even if Grian was the most aggressive on edge fighter in the history of trauma responses during the traumatic events? People don't process their trauma after the fact the same way they instinctively respond in the moment. Even if Grian never shed a tear throughout any of the traumatic ordeals he experienced, it would be far from unrealistic behaviour for him to still process after the fact by panicking and sobbing his eyes out regularly. Which, again, Grian wasn't even all that fight oriented while it was happening so panic and tears isn't even super far removed from his actual in the moment responses let alone processing after-responses. It's just. It's really hard to "UwU" Grian tbh. He's a decent person, he went through hell (his own words actually), and he was never even really very effectively aggressive when he did. And while it's possible to dip too far into that territory, far more often I see things swung egregiously far in the other direction.

[volleychumps]

omg omg omg ive been waiting for open requests!! okay so, is it okay if i ask for a stuck in the locker scenario with iwa, tsuki, kuroo, and akaashi?? thank you sooo much! ur blog is one of the only ones i check daily cuz the content is just 💓💓💓💓

Getting Stuck in the Locker Room w/ Iwaizumi, Tsukishima, Kuroo, and Akaashi (slight tsundere! reader) 

ahah for the sake of it let’s make them enemies who come out as friends (maybe more?)

---------------------------------

Iwaizumi 

“Oi. Lemme have a go at it.” 

“Oh, my apologies! Allow me to make way for the manly man to come and magically unlock the door with his brute strength.” You quip sarcastically, Iwaizumi rolling his eyes as he takes your place in front of the door to tug at the handle, frowning when it doesn’t budge. He tilts his head, towel around his neck tilting with it. 

“It won’t open.” 

“Thank you, no really- you’re too helpful.” 

You sigh, doing what you originally came here for as you slip Kindaichi’s knee pads into his locker, your cousin accidentally leaving them in his classroom before pleading with you to bring them. Your original plan of getting in and out had obviously been severely tarnished, leaving you with the one guy you- 

“Ah. So that’s why you’re in here.” 

You flinch at the sound of Iwaizumi’s deep voice sounding behind you, much closer than you expected before you turn, not being able to mask the scarlet that tinges your cheeks at Iwa’s exposed broad chest. 

“Would it kill you to wear a shirt, perv?” 

“Says the girl in the boy’s locker room.” Iwa takes another step towards you casually, a hand slipping into the sweats he had just changed to as you swallow tightly, looking away as your back touches the lockers. Iwaizumi’s face remains stoic, save for the slight arch of his eyebrow that signals his amusement. 

“Who’s the real perv here?” 

“Just put on a shirt and stop teasing me...please.” You mumble, embarassed as a small smirk overtakes Iwa’s lips as he opens up the door two lockers down from Kindaichi’s, pulling a white short-sleeve over his head that highlighted his arms quite nicely-

You shake your head of such thoughts before running a hand through your hair, sitting down on one of the nearby benches as an awkward silence fills the room. 

“Can’t you call Oikawa or someone to come un-jam the door?” 

“Nope. That shithead’s in practice with the rest of ‘em, and I left my bag in the gym.” Iwa replies shortly, taking a seat on the opposite end of the bench before opening his water bottle. “I was supposed to be excused today, but I ended up stuck here with my favorite person.” 

“My luck is immense right now.” You retort with a sarcastic chuckle, eyes widening when Iwa scoots down the bench so his muscular thigh is just touching yours. 

“Well, on the bright side: I have you cornered to ask why you don’t like me and avoid me like I’m some kind of sickness.” Iwa shrugs, offering you his water bottle before lowering it at your deadpan stare. You hesitate before sighing, allowing him an inch of the truth. 

“I don’t not like you. You’re just mean- do you know how many times Kindaichi comes to me with tears in his eyes?” 

“Hm.” 

You huff, wanting to go hit on the door to catch someone’s attention before Iwa moves to crouch in front of you, causing your breath to hitch at the proximity and a involuntary heart beat to sound in your ears. 

“I can be a lot meaner.” 

“Stop joking around.” 

“Am I joking?” You bite your lip when Iwa’s face nears even closer, his head tilting as you panic, grabbing the towel he had been drying his hair with and throwing it over his head. He frowns, wondering if he had actually made you uncomfortable with his little prank, before deciding to back off- 

Iwaizumi scoffs, lifting the white material only for onyx eyes to widen at the sight of your flushed cheeks and furrowed brows, expression one of-

“Y/N-! oh. Oh crap-am I interrupting?” 

The sound of Kindaichi’s voice had you pushing off the bench to race past your cousin and out the door, Iwaizumi still blinking at the spot where you had sat before he rises to his feet, lips twitching into a hint of an amused half-grin.

He ignores Kindaichi’s inquiries of what happened as he throws the towel over his shoulder, the sight of your flushed cheeks filling his mind as he huffs through his nose in disbelief at what he had discovered. 

“Oi Kindaichi.” 

“Y-Yes, senpai?” 

“Give me your cousin’s number, will ya?” 

Kuroo

“This is not happening-” 

“Y/N-” 

“Out of all people! It had to be you-” 

“First of all, rude-”

“God, why couldn’t it have been Kenma? I’m going to kill Lev for making me come in here to get his shitty shoes-” 

“Kitten-” 

“Don’t kitten me!” You stop pulling on the door to turn on an amused Kuroo, who whistles lowly as he adjusts the towel around his waist. He runs a hand through his slightly damp hair as he opens one of the locker doors, turning his head to offer you a lazy grin as he does so, arm resting on top of the door. 

“Relax. We’re not stuck in here, someone’s bound to come eventually.” He takes out a shirt and his school pants, glancing at you with a glint in his feral eyes. “And I’m gonna get dressed, so stop acting like the world is ending, sweetheart. You can watch if you-” 

“Pass.” You turn to face the wall with heat in your cheeks, Kuroo’s chuckle annoying in your ears as you resist the urge to groan. You touch the wall with your forehead as a steady beat sounds in your chest, wondering why it had to be him. 

“That wall isn’t the cleanest, babe.” 

You flinch at the whisper that tickles your ear, Kuroo stepping back on instinct when you turn on him with that same smug look that you- 

“Why do you hate me again? Just because Lev tells you I’m a little mean-” 

“An absolute monster.” You correct, glaring at him as you put an arm out to distance yourself. 

Kuroo’s grin only widens, hand reaching out to rest on the wall-space next to your head as he leans a little closer. 

“Oh? And why does this pretty kitty believe him?” 

“I...” You stand your ground, not breaking eye-contact as you pray he can’t see the heat tickling your cheeks and ears as your arm wavers. “I don’t. Stop flirting with me like all the others-” 

“You think I pay attention to the other girls?” Kuroo’s eyebrows rise in amusement at your words as you blink in surprise, lips beginning to tremble. 

“T-Then you’re trying to tell me I’m the only girl you pay attention to?” 

“Would it be that big of a surprise?” Kuroo leans a little closer until his lips are by your ear, causing you to involuntarily shudder as your body betrays you. “It’s hard not to, you know?” 

“Shut up.” You find strength in your legs and voice again as you shove him lightly, Kuroo merely catching one of your wrists as he grins at the fact that you seemed to be responding to his advances well. The blush on your cheeks only making him continue as his hazel eyes brim with seriousness. 

“Kitten, do I have to spell it out for you?” Kuroo’s grip on your wrist tightens ever so slightly as the clean scent of him fills your nose, hazel eyes glinting as he takes in your now embarrassed expression from mere inches away.

“You’re always the prettiest one in the room.” 

Your arm falls to your side completely as Kuroo takes the opportunity to rest a hand on your waist, his other hand going to cup your jaw as his breath ghosts over your lips- 

“Y/N I CAME TO RESCUE YOU-!” 

Lev stumbles through the jammed door dramatically, and you shove Kuroo away as you glare at the captain heatedly, gritting your teeth at the fact that you almost fell for it. 

“Please don’t mess with my head, Tetsurou.” 

Kuroo’s calls for you to come back fall on deaf ears as Lev looks between his captain and your retreating figure in wonderment, wondering what the hell was going on before a sinister-sounding chuckle fills the damp locker room. 

“S-stop bullying my little cousin-!” 

“Lev.” Kuroo turns his head as a shiver runs down his junior’s spine, Kuroo running a hand through his hair in an agitated manner as all teasing tendencies from before washed away. “Go. Make sure she gets home okay.” 

The captain sighs as his own forehead touches the wall where yours had, a soft disbelieving scoff slipping his lips as the sound of Lev’s steps fade down the hall. 

“I wasn’t messing with your pretty little head, Y/N.” 

Tsukishima

“I feel like you did this on purpose.” 

“Don’t flatter yourself.” You bite back as Tsukishima scoffs from behind you, and you turn slightly to cast a slight glare to the laid back blonde as Tsukishima scratches the back of his neck boredly. “Would it kill you to help me?” 

“It’s locked. What can we do? You’re wasting strength.” 

“Right, we have to use my upper body strength because I forgot you don’t have any.” You smile sweetly before breaking into a yawn, Tsukishima narrowing his eyes at you before pushing you slightly to the side. 

“Move. I’ll be the one to open this damn door.” 

“For someone who seems really calm you get riled up really easily.” You grin through slightly teary eyes from your yawn as Tsukishima makes the smallest effort at tugging the handle before turning to you. 

“We’re stuck.” 

“Oh are we?” 

Tsukishima rolls his eyes as you take a comfortable seat against the lockers, sitting on the floor before groaning. “I can’t believe neither of us have our phones.” 

“You’re a teenage girl, why are you without it?” 

“Very good observation, Tsukki!” 

“Don’t call me-” 

“Anyways, Tsukki.” You cut him off, mock-cheeriness filling your voice as you bring your knees to your chest. “I came here to drop off Kageyama’s books for his homework tonight, so I left my phone in my classroom.” 

“Funny way of saying you wanted to see me shower. That floor’s disgusting, by the way.” 

“Bite me.” You yawn again, causing the blonde to lean against the jammed door while glancing at you, rubbing his fogged eyeglasses with the bottom of his practice shirt. 

“Why do you look like you’re about to pass out?” 

“Stop pretending to act like you’re interested.” You mumble, leaning your head on your crossed arms that rested on your knees. “But if you must know, I had exams today and ran soley on caffeine to get through them. I think the crash is hitting me.” 

“Don’t die on our locker room floor, that’d be a pain to clean up.” 

“Awe, your concern for me is the sweetest.” You quip, fighting the urge to close your eyes. “Just wake me when someone comes, will you?” 

Tsukishima says nothing as he sees you beginning to nod off, cursing when you almost fall too far forward, his legs jutting out to cover your forehead and keep you steady when you’re fast asleep. 

“Troublesome woman.” The blonde’s eyes narrow as he takes a seat next to you, carefully setting your head down on his shoulder as he rolls his eyes at the obvious heartbeat in his ears. 

“Why did it have be you, anyways?” He whispers, brushing some hair out of your face before leaning his head back against the locker. Had it been anybody else, he would have been on the other side of the locker room, maybe even waiting it out in the showers-

so why did it have to be you?

“Tsukki.” You shift in your sleep, still halfway out of it as he merely hums in response, still acting disinterested until you cuddle your cheek into his shoulder, causing the blonde to tense up at the contact. 

“You’re not a total bastard.” 

Tsukishima can’t help the small smirk that overtakes his lips as he finds himself forgetting that every day seemed to be a challenge of who would confess first, praying that your even breaths signalled you were asleep again as he allows a ghost of a smile to grace his lips. 

His hand slips into his sweats pocket as he wonders if he should feel guilty, taking his phone out as the screen lights up.

“And I suppose you’re not the worst choice of girl to like.” 

Akaashi

“You’ve been at it for fifteen minutes.” 

“Okay first of all- you’re creepy for keeping track.” You respond to the setter as Akaashi continues to absent-mindedly dry his hair with a towel, watching evenly as you finally give up before leaning your back against the jammed door. 

“I’m sorry you’re stuck in here with someone you don’t like.” Akaashi mentions as he sets the damp towel down, frowning as he keeps a safe distance away from you. You bite your lip, guilt flooding your system as you mentally curse at how things turned out: Akaashi Keiji assuming you hated him and you having to go along with it to save face.

“I-It’s not just that.” You mumble, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I don’t do well in confined spaces.” 

“Is...is there anything I can do?” 

“As if you could help.” You laugh a little sarcastically, chest panging when Akaashi backs down quietly, and you mentally wish that you hadn’t taken Konoha’s request of coming into the boy’s locker room to grab his forgotten gym bag. 

“I don’t hate you.” The words rush out before you can stop them, and you curse that you weren’t able to handle Akaashi’s dejected expression. 

But you feared if he knew the real reason- 

“Then...why do you always leave the room when I enter it?” Akaashi stands, and you gulp when he begins to approach you. “I respect your space, but how come you told Bokuto that you can’t stand being around me?” 

“Why do you care?” You manage to laugh. “I’m a nobody to you, Akaashi.” 

Before the setter could respond, you begin to have trouble controlling your breathing, Akaashi just managing to catch you before you could collapse as blue-green eyes widen when you stumble to regain your balance.

“I-I’m fine-!”

“You’re not.” Akaashi scolds, carefully setting you down on the floor gently as you take deep breaths in through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. “What can I do-?” 

“Stop! Just quit being so damn nice all the time!” The words burst out before you can realize them, putting some distance between the two of you as the confinement of the locker room makes you laugh a little hysterically. 

“You make me have all these damn feelings for you when you’re just nice to everyone. That’s just who you are.” Your eyes brim with unshed tears. “That’s why I can’t be your friend, Akaashi! Not when I’m in-” 

“Sh.” Akaashi tugs on your wrist as your eyes widen when he pulls you into his chest. The dark-haired boy digs his face into your neck, holding you tightly as the confinement of the room suddenly begins to fade away, the tightness in your chest relieving to allow a new emotion to take place. 

“You were never a nobody to me, Y/N. When you stopped being my friend I wondered for days why you would just suddenly hate me...” 

His hold tightened as a few tears slip your widened eyes, his voice falling to a hush in your neck. 

“I’m sorry I never noticed. I’m sorry, so just be with me from now on, okay?” 

“I-I already told you-” 

“Not as my friend.” Akaashi cuts you off, thumb wiping at your eyes kindly as he pulls back gently to brush your nose with his. “Be with me as someone more than that.” 

Akaashi smiles softly as your breathing evens out, tugging you into his chest even more as you smile as a new kind of tear runs down your cheek. 

“I missed you, Keiji.” 

Unbeknowst to the two of you, Konoha and Bokuto touch knuckles from just outside the door, Konoha trying to be silent as possible as he twists the key to unlock the lock. 

“I told you we should meddle!” 

“Akaashi would absolutely kill us if he found out, Bokuto-” 

The two stiffen as said setter flings the door open with your giggling form behind his back, darkness cascading the setter’s face as Bokuto chukcles nervously, Konoha whistling as he looks off to the side while throwing the key a good distance away. 

“Funny seeing you here, Akaashi!” 

“Whaaaat Y/N, what are you doing in there-” 

“I hate both of you.” 

------------------------------------

General works: @takemetovalhalla @kasandrafaye @dreebbles @savemesteeb @yams046

[robozombii]

o tumblr user viotti dash violet please give your opinions on vivi yukino from mystery skulls animated the flash animated music video series created by mystery ben featuring official music made b

I know what you are.

ok you want a rant ill give you a rant (has work they should be doing)

I FEEL LIKE VIVI GETS BRUSHED OVER A LOT OR doesnt have as much investment in fan content and such and even i unconsciously do that because of the fact the majority of conflict in msa is based around lewis and arthur, although now i do believe shes getting the spotlight and GOOD FOR HER GOOD FOR HER G

I REALLY LOVE HER BECAUSE OF HER UNWAVERING LOYALTY i mean shes kinda been through a lot of bullshit before the mansion. ARTHUR WAS KEEPING A LOT AWAY FROM HER AND ESPECIALLY MYSTERY. we only saw a small bit of what that was like in the Losing My Mind comic but imagine seeing your best friend lose sleep over trying to find 'a random guy' and not telling anything? ive only seen A FEW fics cover vivis possible frustration over everyone hurting on the inside over conflict that she can never know about. SHOW MORE OF HER EMOTIONS DAMMIT theres just something shes missing in fics that people put in arthur and lewis yk? or maybe im just too picky

and yet shell still fight for them? i guess she isnt the most thoughtful when it comes to fast paced situations. shes very quick to fight but it also just shows that shell VIOLENTLY protect her loved ones no matter what HAHA shes also just been very persevering through this entire shitshow. i mean mystery knew everything, arthur knew somewhat what happened, and she had close to nothing. she probably still doesnt know shit! did she even recognize lewis at the end of the future?? even then she doesnt hesitate to act on her thoughts and i believe thats done her some good, protecting others

BUT THERES STILL FLAWS!! she isnt perfect and IDC I LOVE HER but uh her fast acting also got shiromori killed yknow? her actions focused on a black and white conflict bad versus evil, but she doesnt even know the fact mystery has switched sides several times, once befriending shiromori in the past. AND HONESTLY i dont know what to make of that. i dont.. know if shiromori will come back?? or what the conclusion of mystery. vivi, and her conflict will be. but like things arent gonna fit perfectly and again this goes to people who might think of her as the more composed person of the gang but like man everyone is struggling here HAHA

also im typing out utter bullshit if someone wants to commentate or correct something i said then like feel free i guess I WISH I COULD SAY MORE i really do but my mind always blanks out at times. OH OH YALL SHOULD READ "Loveless Glasses" ON AO3 it kinda made me realize that like yeah. holy shit vivi would be stressed out and frustrated over whatever arthur was doing when trying to search for lewis yk? i think it made my brain spin ANYHOW i love women stan vivi and like everyone else i guess EXCEPT REVERB....... and maybe chloe........ that one chloe = SOLO theory really got me like..........

[shoutaaizawas]

↳ touya todoroki x reader → ❝safe in your arms❞

summary: your bleeding shivering and scared you stumble to the last place you thought you’d go for safety inspired by @one-lonely-whumperfly post word count: 1.9k+ tags/warnings: injury mention, blood mention, mention of being drugged, angst, fluff, light enemies to lovers a/n: ive been super unmotivated to write but this was a lot of fun so shoutout to this prompt. also it’s super cold here. hope everyone is doing well.

Dabi was enjoying a quiet night at his apartment. It wasn’t a nice place and it wasn’t in a nice neighborhood but it was the place he called home. Being around the league could be too much at times so it was nice to get away and have time alone.

He was laying across his dingy couch with a plastic cup of cheap whiskey in hand as he watched whatever was on TV when he heard banging at his door.

Dabi let out a huff as he stood up, if Toga was here to bother him again he was going to have to move and hide his new address. Opening up his front door ready to scold Toga the words disappeared from his mouth at the sight in front of him.

There you stood, slouched against the wall. Blood smeared across your face, a foggy look in your eyes, and fear and exhaustion rolling off you in waves.

There was a lot to wonder in such a small amount of time. What happened? Why did you come here? How did you even know where he lived? Granted he didn’t have time to consider these things as you were currently falling to the ground.

Dabi reached out to grab you, his arms wrapping around your waist just in time. He pulled you up letting you rest your weight on him so that you could stand.

“I didn’t take you as the type to show up at my place and fall for me.” He teased. Was it the right time for a joke, no, but he was a villain he wasn’t supposed to care about those things. Not to mention the anxious wave rolling through him was unbearable and cracking a poorly timed joke was an easy way to cope. The smirk on your bloodied lips reassured the worry of offending you that he pretended wasn’t there. Despite your acceptance of his joke, your reply was serious.

  “Didn’t know where else to go.” You rasped out. There was a rawness to your answer. There was none of that hero bravado. Just fear. It stirred something in him that he had been trying to pretend wasn’t there for a long time. It was easy to brush off when you were standing tall throwing his snarky banter back at him with the same level of wit he had thrown it at you with. There was something terrifying in your vulnerability that he couldn’t exactly place. Or at least he pretended like he couldn’t place it.

“Not sure if this would even be my first choice.” He said as he readjusted getting a better grasp on you. It was tempting to pick you up and carry you over the threshold of his apartment like a princess but he resisted. With your arm over his shoulder, he helped you to his uncomfortable couch, placing you down on it. Turning on the light he tried to get a better look at you.

Squinting from the brightness of the light only made things look worse. The blood on your face was still fresh, dripping down onto your clothes. Casual clothes. He wasn’t sure if he had ever seen you in anything other than your hero costume.

He took your chin between his fingers with a softness he didn’t even know he was capable of anymore, even more, surprising was how you didn’t flinch away from his touch. He wasn’t sure if that was some form of trust from you or just a sign of how out of it you were. There had to be some explainable reason you were here and not at a hero’s house or the hospital.

Looking at the cuts on your face he felt an anger rise in him that he didn’t expect. He wasn’t an innocent man, he had done this to people, he had probably done this to you at some point. Why was this upsetting him?

“Stay here, let me grab some stuff.” He said before going to the bathroom and grabbing his first aid kit from underneath the sink along with some wash clothes covered in warm water. Returning he knelt on the ground in front of you. Your eyes were closed and you were swaying back and forth even seated on the couch. He didn’t know anything about what happened but he had a bad feeling that someone had slipped you something.

“Tell me what happened.” A part of him was dying to know but he also knew you would need something to distract you from the pain of your wounds being cleaned up. Your eyes opened up and you stared at him blankly for a moment.

“Um, I- It-” You took a moment to get started. “I was at a bar. I was supposed to meet my friend. It was supposed to be a girl’s night, I got all ready, I even put on my favorite shirt.” You said looking down sadly at the black blouse you were wearing that was now covered in blood. Dabi carefully wiped away the blood on your face with the warm cloth looking for the wounds. “They couldn’t make it, hero emergency. I thought I’d at least stay for another drink since I was already there and dressed up.”

“Typical heroes, always running off.” Dabi scoffed.

“There was this guy, I didn’t think anything of it. I- I just wanted to finish my drink and go home but he started talking to me.” You said closing your eyes for a moment like you were trying to remember it all. “I thought he was maybe a fan. He wouldn’t stop talking to me, he got me a drink. I didn’t really want it but I didn’t want to be rude.”

“I would think a hero like you would be more careful.” Dabi scolded as finished cleaning up the cuts on your face. The thought of some guy bothering you made him sick which was unexpected. He moved on to cleaning the wounds on your face.

“I- I didn’t think he was dangerous.” You said in a small voice. Dabi paused, his hand resting on your chin tilting your gaze to his. For a moment he was pulled into your eyes, the warmth there even under the fear that still lingered. “I got up to leave, I was outside but my head was spinning. I didn’t drink that much, I knew something was wrong but I could barely stand up. Someone grabbed me, there was no one around, they pulled me into the alleyway there and I couldn’t do anything. My quirk wouldn’t work right, I couldn’t do anything to protect myself.”

The thought of you defenseless was far more upsetting than he could fathom. You hesitated to say what happened next, not that you really needed to, it was clear on the wounds that he was cleaning what they had done.

“Do you know who it was?” He asked trying to keep his voice even. The anger rising in him was hard to control, not that he was used to controlling himself.

“A local crime boss, or at least his guys.” You said. “I’ve been trying to stop him. He’s been using people, using their fear to get money and control from them. I’m going to stop him but he tried to stop me first I guess.”

Dabi made a note, it wouldn’t be hard for him to find him. Especially if he framed it as a business proposition from the league. That could wait, right now he just wanted to help you. How odd that was for him.

“Can’t let your guard down when you mess with underhanded criminals like that.” He said.

“What about criminals like you?” You asked. Your tone was teasing but he could hear the edge of honest interest in your voice.

“I’m a lot more straightforward. No fun beating your heroic rival when they’re already roughed up.” He said as he placed a bandage on your cheek. You had a few scratches on your face light bruises were already forming on your skin. “Let me get you some pain killers.”

Dabi returned with a glass of water and some pills before he went back to his room to find clothes you could wear. He grabbed a black shirt and some shorts.

“You can stay the night here.” He said. “Change into something more comfortable.”

You looked down at the clothes for a moment, possibly reconsidering the situation that you had put yourself in. To his surprise, you took the clothes and shakily stood up. He pointed you in the direction of his bathroom.

Dabi went into his room trying to tidy it up. Making the bed, grabbing the trash off the nightstand. He couldn’t recall the last time he had cleaned up for someone. He never cared what people thought of him or his place and it wasn’t like he had very many guests.

He turned at the sight of you in the doorway. You looked good in his shirt. You looked better in general, you had cleaned off the blood and grime that had been leftover and you looked a little more coherent now. He was still waiting for you to realize you were crazy for being here but you were still here.

You moved to lay down on the bed, pulling the thin covers over yourself.

“I’m cold.” You said.

“I don’t have any more blankets.” He replied. It wasn’t like he even needed blankets, he never got cold.

Before he could do or say anything else you grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him into bed. For a moment he laid there in shock as you scooted closer to him.

The silence wasn’t awkward or tense but he found himself wondering if he should say something to break it. Social anxiety wasn’t something that Dabi faced often, you seemed to be putting him through a lot of unfamiliar moments tonight.

“Why did you come here?” He asked finally. The question had been on his mind all night. The pause of silence made him wonder if you had fallen asleep.

“I was scared and felt alone, I could barely think straight I knew I needed to go to someone but for some reason, your face was the only one in my mind.”

Dabi glanced over to you, you were looking up at him with a soft look in your eyes that made his heart flutter. Having you here tonight made him realize that his fascination with you was past that of a villain has for their rival. His interest in you was resembling a crush more than anything else at this point.

The fact that in a vulnerable state you thought to go to him, no you weren’t even thinking it was an instinct that brought you here.

“You’re safe here.” He said quietly, his arm wrapping around your shoulders and pulling you in. Your head rested against his chest and the way you nuzzled against him made his cheeks warm. Your eyes closed and your breathing evened and he knew you had fallen asleep.

One night had changed so much for him. He wasn’t sure if you would wake up tomorrow and regret coming here or if just maybe you felt similar to him. The thought was scary but for now, there was nothing he could do except enjoy the weight of you in his arms and think about how good it would feel to incinerate the person who had hurt you.

taglist:  @sugarmaplewings-fics @lilkiwisfinest @ewwis-but-more-otaku @kandy1410 @moonlightaangel @winnies-headcannons @bkghatesyou @paintedr0ses1 @toobsessedsstuff @spellboundxizi @ourladyofseijoh  @x0doodlebug0x @katsushimaa @mooncademia @moon-write @todominica @why-so-red @kvichisaki @curiouslilbeast @izukukozume @maat-the-prescriptive

[darthkruge]

Anakin Skywalker x Reader ~ Help

Summary: The five times the Senator!Reader needs Anakin’s help but refuses to ask for it and the one time they do

Warnings: Language, reader is afraid of vulnerability, reader is going through it, angst, violence, fluff (it ends on a positive note, I promise)

Words: 4k

A/N: This idea has kinda been bouncing around my head for a hot minute and I finally decided to just go ahead and write it. And somehow it became the longest fic I’ve ever written! Is this self-indulgent? Who’s to say?!

(not my gif)

I.

Okay, so a right, then a left, then another left, then-

You groaned. You’d been going over the cryptic instructions Padme gave you back at the temple but they were, unfortunately, not helping. It was your first time alone in Coruscant and you were completely lost in the painfully literal sense. You had just been given your first actual mission with the Council as a senator, something you’d worked your entire career for. As an added bonus, you were on the same planet as your boyfriend, Anakin Skywalker. 

You’d gotten close over the last year and were elated when he asked you on a date the last time you were in the same place. This was the first time you were together in the two weeks it had been since then. 

Anyway, you were currently wandering around the bustling Coruscant streets, looking for the market. Well, you were looking for the market. Now, you realized you would probably never find it and were just trying to make your way back. 

You debated calling Anakin. You could. He would be able to guide you home easily, you rationalized. But it’s Coruscant! How difficult could it be? If people came here for missions all the time and didn’t get hopelessly lost, so could you! And Anakin was probably busy anyway, you didn’t want to disturb him. Besides, the relationship was so new! You didn’t want to annoy him. After weighing the odds, you pushed down the urge to reach out and decided to just find your own way.

This logic was ridiculous, you realized far too late. Fuck. There was no way around it, you were going to be late. Or at the very least, cut it exceptionally close. You started running, heart racing. It would be so stupid to be late to your first actual Council meeting because you got lost. You wanted them to take you seriously and think of you as a professional. Tardiness as a first impression went against all of that!

After sprinting and taking several aimless turns, by some stroke of magic you found your way to the Temple. You checked the time and realized you had two minutes to make it to up several flights of stairs.

Fuck it. You decided, taking off in a run. You took the stairs two at a time, stumbling occasionally before unceremoniously bursting through the doors to the meeting.

You gulped in air quickly, chest heaving while you desperately tried to calm your heart. You inelegantly brushed a hand through your hair and gave an awkward smile. 

“Hi, uh, everyone! Hi! I’m,” You took a quick break to breathe in some more oxygen as your gaze shifted to Anakin. He looked amused and concerned as he took you in. He gave you a discreet and supportive smile and head nod. You gave your own in return. He believes in me. “I’m Senator Y/N L/N” 

II.

Honestly, you didn’t know how your speeder had broken. You’d been flying them for years and, despite being a senator, you were pretty damn good at it. It was something that gave you solace as a kid, those little moments of freedom. Even then, though, you were a decently cautious person and didn’t break many of them.

Thus, you ended up in your current predicament. Staring at the fried wires under the hood of your speeder, trying to figure out what the fuck went wrong. You knew Anakin was freakishly talented at fixing basically everything. He could probably look at the speeder for 10 minutes, know what’s wrong with it, and get it back to you in perfect shape.

You think this is why you don’t want to tell him. What if he thought you were stupid? Shouldn’t you be able to figure this out yourself? You fought with your instincts, feeling the conflict build inside you.

You knew he wouldn’t judge you. You knew he’d be glad you came to him for help. Even so, you felt physically incapable of moving to call or find him. 

Frustrated, you turned back to your work. You decided to pull this one gear, thinking it might do something. Well, you were right about that. A stream of oil sprayed out of the speeder, coating you in its thick, black paint. You stood there frozen for a second, trying to mentally comprehend that you had just been sprayed with oil because you were too afraid to talk to the man you were in a literal relationship with!!

You groaned, wiping your hands on your pants before grabbing a towel to wipe some of the grease off your face. You walked back into your apartment quickly, praying to the Maker that no one would see you like this. Honestly, they’d probably smell you first and run the other way.

You finally got back without problems and made a bee-line straight to the bathroom. Pulling off your clothes and turning on the hot shower, you sighed as you finally felt the oil washed off your skin. You spent about twenty minutes in there, scrubbing furiously to ensure you didn’t smell like a fucking garage. 

Finally, you went out and saw Anakin sitting on your bed, messing with a piece of wiring. 

“Hey, Y/N! Did you know your speeder was broken? It looks like you blew a cable, easy fix, don’t worry. I’ll have it ready for you by tonight.”

He looked up and saw your exhausted state and the clump of dirty, grease ridden clothes you were holding. 

His brow furrowed, trying to piece it together. “Maker, what happened to you?”

“I had a fight with the speeder. And lost”

Anakin bit back a laugh before his confusion compounded. “Wait, you know I can fix this, right? Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I didn’t want you to think I was an idiot. I mean, I did something and broke an entire speeder and somehow didn’t even know what I broke! It’s humiliating!”

“Cables are hard, it’s not your fault you didn’t know what to do, love.”

“Really?” You asked, unconvinced. 

“Really. Come on, let’s go throw those clothes in the wash and I’ll get back to fixing this.”

“Oh, no, Ani you don’t have to-”

Anakin cut you off with a kiss, distracting you enough to quickly take the clothes from your hands.

“I’ll have it ready within the hour, my love.”

III.

Who the fuck decided to put the plates that high up?!

You jumped again and again, arm outstretched as far as possible. Once again, you didn’t even get close. Sighing, you looked around the apartment and noticed a ladder. It looked a bit unsteady but you would be fine, right? You were a whole ass senator, you were sure you could handle an old ladder. 

Pulling it over to you, you climbed up and reached out. Much closer this time, but you still couldn’t reach them. You went on your tiptoes, eyebrows furrowed and lip bit in concentration. You angled your body just a little further, a little further-

The ladder was suddenly ripped out from under you and you desperately shot your arms out, hands clawing to try and stop your imminent fall onto the hard kitchen tiles. Bracing yourself for the inevitable pain, you squeezed your eyes closed. 

“Y/N!!” You heard as your fall suddenly stopped. You opened your eyes and noticed you were barely floating above the floor. Anakin ran toward you and noticed the ladder strewn on the floor beside you. 

“What the hell were you doing?” He said, offering you his hand and pulling you up.

“I was just-” You gesture lamely to the plates, realizing how ridiculous you must look.

“Y/N, no one can reach those! Next time, just call me, I’ll get them for you!”

“But-” You sigh, hating this. “I wanted to be able to do this, I don’t want to rely on you and your Jedi powers all the time”

Anakin’s gaze softened. He knew you had trouble relying on others. Even so, he couldn’t even start to think of what would have happened if he’d arrived home even 10 seconds later.

“I know, baby, I know. But, please, try. You’d have to rely on me a lot more if you break your legs falling off a ladder.” 

“I know” You reply softly, giving him a shy smile. “I’m working on it, I promise”

IV.

You’d been up all night working on a new presentation for the Council. You’d spent hours going over it, the facts, the plans, the details. Everything was set. Well, everything except one little piece. To make your point stronger, you needed the statistics from the latest Jedi missions. 

The only people with access to those were Anakin and Obi-Wan. You knew, logically, that if you asked Anakin he’d give them to you without hesitation. He supported you always and knew that you only used your power as a senator to improve lives. 

Even so, there was that part of your brain that told you he wouldn’t give them to you. He would think you’re just trying to use him for his connections as a Jedi. Or perhaps he simply wouldn’t care enough to search through the reports to find the information.

All of this was, of course, completely inaccurate. But you’d never had someone who actually wanted to help you. It's always been “okay I’ll do this for you but only if you do this for me, too.” No one ever looked out for you and you’d grown accustomed to it. It’d become almost comforting, in a way. At least you knew what to expect. 

This was how you ended up seeing your beautiful boyfriend across the halls of the Jedi temple and walking another way. Your heart tugged painfully and your brain screamed at you. Why don’t you allow yourself to trust him? Why would you assume the worst? Why can’t you fight these thoughts? 

You took one more look back at him. You didn’t want to be closed off by any stretch of the imagination. You wished you could turn off the thoughts and the doubt. You knew Ani didn’t deserve it. You sighed. There he was, training by himself in the courtyard. You looked away and took a moment to compose yourself before your legs carried you away and toward your good friend.

“Hey, Obi-Wan, could you help me with something for the next Council meeting?”

V.

You were running. You were running and as fast as you moved, you never got closer to him. You were never safe. A masked figure was chasing you and you just couldn’t get away. Your legs burned with the effort, your lungs straining to grasp oxygen. You were exhausted to your core, your sheer panic the only thing keeping you awake. 

You looked back and saw the man gaining on you. Tears started streaming down your cheeks. You knew what he was capable of and had no doubt he would kill you if he caught you. You didn’t want to die, not like this. You didn’t want him to beat you. You were so, so scared. You screamed as he caught up to you, your body no longer moving. You pleaded with your legs to work, reasoned with the heavens, did anything you could, and yet you wouldn’t budge. 

The stranger’s claw of a hand twisted around your neck, squeezing. You fought. It was pointless. You began to black out, feeling the life slip out of your body. Dark spots appeared in the corners of your vision and you tried once again to kick your way out of his grasp-

You bolted awake, eyes shooting open. Your chest was heaving and tear stains marked your cheeks. You placed your hands on the bed sheets, bunching them up and trying to feel the texture to remind yourself that you were safe. You tried to breathe, tried to calm yourself but nothing was working. 

You got up, pacing quietly. Out of all the nights to have a nightmare, it had to be today. The one night you and Anakin weren’t together. Since you had to hide the relationship, you couldn’t technically share an apartment. This didn’t stop you from spending basically every night together, though. His chambers became yours after the first month or so of dating, neither of you wanting to spend time apart. 

But, unfortunately, the Council seemed more cautious as of late and you didn’t want to risk it. Thus, you decided to spend tonight apart. Still, you couldn’t bring yourself to care right now.  You grabbed one of his Jedi robes, pulling the black fabric around your body. You were immediately calmed by his scent and wrapped it closer around you. You started to make your way down the hall. You knew it was risky but after that nightmare, you just needed him. 

You made it to his apartment, went to knock on the door, and abruptly stopped. What are you doing? You can’t just go to him! He’s exhausted, he’s been working all week! He finally got home from a mission and you want to wake him up in the middle of the night because you had a nightmare? It wasn’t even real! Maker, get a hold of yourself, Y/N! 

Your hand hovered over the door. You wanted him, you did. But those lingering thoughts, those lingering emotions remained. A childhood of neglect, of constant feelings of unimportance left scars you couldn’t avoid. You hated that your parent’s inability to show you affection or care manifested in your inability to be vulnerable. Despite this, you somehow understood. You’d spent years letting them in and only getting invalidated in return. Like all patterns, this one wouldn’t go away just because you wanted it to. 

Now, every time you tried to let Anakin in, it’s like an alarm was tripped in your brain. Every part of you that wanted to allow him to know you was combated with the overwhelming fear that, if you did, if you went to him for comfort or help, he would think of you as a burden. He’d leave, just like the rest of them did. So you pushed the urge for comfort aside, dropped your hand, and made the lonely walk back to your room. 

You got back to your room, mentally beating yourself up. You wished your brain worked differently. You wished you would allow yourself to be loved. You wished you could trust, fully and completely. You sighed. Knowing you wouldn’t be getting any sleep, you made yourself a cup of tea and sat on your cough, the room solely illuminated by the moonlight. You kept Anakin’s robes around you, wishing it was his arms. You sat like that until morning, sipping the drink on and off until it grew cold. You were zoned out, staring out the window at the Coruscant traffic. Your thoughts either drifted to him or your past trauma. Maker, you wished you could change it. 

I.

Fuck. You’d been driving around on your speeder, zipping in and out of alleys, for the last twenty minutes. There was a bounty hunter after you. A damn good bounty hunter, at that. Being a high profile senator, it made sense you’d run into the occasional person trying to kidnap you. Or kill you. 

Damn, this bitch is good. You kept trying to lose them but you couldn’t shake them. You didn’t even  know who they were but it didn’t matter, you supposed. At the end of the day, regardless of who was in that speeder, they wanted you dead. And if you didn’t figure out how to get out of this mess, you would be. 

They’d been shooting at you for a while now but you’d been able to avoid the blasts. Whether it was skill, luck, or a combination of both, you weren’t sure. Even so, you didn’t know what to do. You couldn’t shoot back at them, as you stupidly forgot your blaster. Who could blame you, though? All you wanted to do was go for a ride to clear your head, you didn’t expect to be fucking shot at!

You continued like this for a while. All you had to do was get back to the Temple. You were probably about 10 minutes away if you continued at this pace, 7 if you really pushed it. You looked ahead and saw the walls of it come into view and suddenly safety didn’t feel so far away. Despite the circumstances, a smile graced your face. You could do this. 

Or maybe not. As you tried to swerve between more buildings, they hit you. You felt your speeder plummet 10 feet instantly and screamed. Your engine sputtered and your heart dropped. Mind racing, you tried to drive but came to the chilling realization that there was no way you’d make it back. Your engine was done for, it wouldn’t make it 3 minutes, yet alone all the way back. 

Your mind went to him. Anakin. Fuck, you loved him. You let out a humorless laugh. Since you started dating, you almost never asked him for help. You couldn’t let him in. Something in your brain stopped you every single time. And yet, now, all of that felt stupid. It felt juvenile. When you looked at your speeder, slowly but surely stalling and the bounty hunter approaching, you felt this overwhelming sense of clarity.

You were going to die. This person, they would get to your speeder and shoot you. You didn’t have a single weapon. It was inevitable. Your mind, however, wouldn’t relent. It was stuck on him. In this moment, you pressed the comm button in your speeder, hoping beyond hope that it would still work. 

“Y/N?” Anakin’s staticky voice cut through the speeder and went straight to your heart. 

“Hey, Ani” You said, your voice broken up with unshed tears.

“Y/N? Where are you? What’s happening?”

“I’m- Anakin, I’m in trouble. A bounty hunter is after me, my speeder is hit and going to stop working probably within the next 20 seconds. I don’t have any weapons to defend myself. I, I, uh, I need your help”

“I’m coming to get you, stay where you are.” His voice was firm, his need to protect you overruling everything else in his body. 

“I’m just a few-”

“I’ve got you, love. I can sense you in the Force. I know where you are”

Of course he could. You took a few deep breaths and you speeder sputtered out, stopping in a deserted alleyway. You looked around and saw the bounty hunter, now obviously male, stepping out and making his way towards you. 

“He’s here, Anakin” Your voice was tight, anxious. You were quiet, paralyzed by fear. 

“Please, Y/N, fuck! Hold on, I’m almost there”

“Ani, Anakin I’m scared! Ani! Ani!” You were hysterical now, screaming and sobbing his name as the man punched the top of your speeder, fracturing the glass. He pulled you out of it by the hair and threw you harshly onto the concrete. 

You yelped in pain as he kicked you directly in the ribs. He backhanded you across the face, the power from his hit making blood pool in your mouth. Harshly you spit it onto the ground, looking up at him with pure hate. 

He placed the blaster to your head, right on your forehead. You let your eyes flutter closed. Your knees were scraped, legs bruised. You were sure at least one of your ribs was broken. You could feel blood running from your temple. Your arm was radiating pain from landing on it. Despite all this, the only thing you thought of was Anakin. Funny, you thought, how the brain chooses what to focus on in its last moments. All you hoped was that he didn’t feel responsible for your death. All you hoped was that he knew you loved him. 

“You’re finished, Senator”

“I don’t think so” Anakin’s smooth voice, tight with anger, cut through the air. His lightsaber unsheathed, he swung it directly into the man. You gasped, everything happening so quickly. As soon as the blaster was gone from your forehead, you scrambled back. 

Anakin walked up to you but, from the shock, you pulled back even further. 

“Hey, hey, it’s me, it’s Anakin, okay? I’m not gonna hurt you”

You whimpered, looking at him and placing a hand on his jacket before harshly jumping into his arms. He gripped you to him, both of you sighing in relief. 

“You came for me” 

He looked at you like you were insane. “Of course I did! You needed me, you called! I’m always going to be there for you, Y/N. I am always going to show up”

“Thank you” You said, voice muffled against his chest. His hands raked through your hair while you just breathed him in. His scent comforted you, his strong chest and large arms grounding you after a day so intense and horrifying that nothing felt real. 

You were still trembling, the aftershocks quite apparent. 

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you. You’re safe, he’s dead, he’s gone. No one’s ever gonna hurt you again, I promise.” Anakin whispered these affirmations into your hair, holding you until the shaking ceased. 

“Thank you for calling me, Y/N. I know that couldn’t have been easy for you.”

“It wasn’t that hard, to be honest, I- wait? What do you mean, you know it couldn’t have been easy for me?!”

Anakin looked at your sheepishly. “You honestly think I haven’t noticed your problems with asking for help? We’ve been together for almost a year and, contrary to popular belief, I can be quite perceptive. I didn’t want to call you out on it, I assumed you’d be embarrassed. But I’m glad that when it actually came down to life or death, you called me.”

“I’ve always known I could call you, Anakin. Please, I don’t want you to ever think my inability to be vulnerable is rooted to anything you do. You’re, fuck, you’re perfect. You’re kind and compassionate and caring and you’re always looking out for me. Look, I know I haven’t been too open about my past and I still struggle with that. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve never had someone who actually wanted to be there for me. This thing where you care and want me to come to you when I’m hurting or simply just want affection or company or help with the little things, it’s foreign to me.”

Ani’s heart broke at your words. “I’m sorry I didn’t know you back then, Y/N. I hate that this” He said, gesturing between you both “is unique to you. But, seriously, anytime you need anything I’m someone you can come to. I honestly want you to come to me. Regardless of if you think it’s something small or this life-altering favor, ask me. I doubt I’d turn you away and, on the off chance I do, I’m not gonna hold that against you.”

“You won’t leave? Even if I show you all of me? Even if I rely on you?”

“I won’t leave you, beautiful. So long as you allow me to show you all of me, too. And you let me rely on you, too.”

Your eyes widened at his words. “Of course! Of course, Ani! I’m here for you, I got you, too, always.”

“I know you do” His flesh hand went up, cupping your cheek. 

“I know you do, too.” You sighed into his touch. You were exhausted beyond belief, your body and mind pretty much shutting down from the stress of it all. Even so, you relaxed further into his body. Yeah, this was new. Yes, it was scary. But you were going to try. Even though it terrified you, you wanted to be loved. You wanted to be loved by him.

--

tagging julia bc she asked when i was textpost-complaining about having to edit this <3

@anakinswhore 

[wizkiddx]

your song blurb

hello!! sorry ive been so inactive and I have got a number of req that I am trying to work through - I am sorry, please be as patient as you can with me. general life shit and all hasn't been ideal. I am aware I reaaallly need to update my master list and will get round to it when I can I promise ;)

also have lots of asks abt the t + z situation but all I have to say is im so very happy for them and hope people respect their privacy ;)

harryhollandxreader // friends --> lovers blurb

summary: harry never sings in front of you, until you need it

//////////////////////////

There were some things that Harry, even after being friends for years, kept close to his chest. The one that you always tried to catch him out on was his singing. For some unknown reason, he was super self conscious of it. Every time he was nonchalantly humming along to himself, all it took was for you to make a single sound, and he’d immediately lock his mouth shut. From those fleeting moments, you had thought he didn’t even sound half bad, hence where your frustrations drew.

Because whilst you, who sounded like a cat being tortured, would scream your lungs out - Harry, who wasn’t even that bad, refused to make a fool out of himself.

It was exactly what had happened this evening when you had let yourself into Tom’s house otherwise unannounced. It’d been years since you’d been given a spare key by Harry - when they were both away, you often ‘house-sat’ for Tom; plus, you spent most evenings there too because that was where your best mate was.

Tom had messaged on the group chat to say he would be out for the evening, and Haz was around his girlfriends tonight, meaning on arrival, you’d known it’d just be you and Harry. So once you heard the quiet tune of a song, that you couldn’t quite place yet, safe to say you were on stealth mode. Sliding your shoes off and wincing as the floorboards creaked a little, you slowly crept through the house to find your frizzy-haired friend.

Sure enough, as you made your way through the kitchen, you found him stood over the hob, stirring round a wooden spoon of a saucepan - presumably filled with pasta he’d promised to have ready for you. Pouting as you leaned on the doorframe and crossed your arms, marvelling at him. He was dressed just in grey joggers and his favourite pink hoodie, arms rolled up to his elbow as the poor boy slaved away at the stove.

You stayed silent, to what you now recognised as billy joel, only unable to stifle a giggle when he reached a particularly high note. Like a rabbit caught in headlights, he jumped around and yelled, eyes fiery and pointed at you.

“OH fuck off Y/n!!”

“Billy Joel, an old school choice.” You smirked, now walking into the room to greet him properly.

“How long have you been stalking on me?”

“It’s not stalking if the stalkee gave me the key.”

“I don’t think that’s admissible in court.” He deadpanned back, pouting for a couple more seconds before finally shooting you a wide grin. The boy held his arms out, welcoming you into a proper greeting hug. Happily reciprocating, you inhaled deeply with your face pressed into the crook of his shoulder.

“How was work?” He murmured, already guessing the answer correctly.

“Shit. Exhausting. Hell, you want any more adjectives?” Harry just snorted back as you leaned away from his warmth.

“Nah rule of three is quite enough. Did you never pay attention in GCSE english?”

“Fuck off you can’t even spell GCSE.”

That was always how your friendship had been; it had always been a piss-taking battle. You simply were one of the boys - or at least that’s what you thought. Said boys though (meaning Sam, Tom, Harrison, Tuwaine and even Paddy) disagreed. You didn’t know, or didn’t believe, that Harry did NOT treat you like one of the boys. He cared about you differently, too. Tom thought it didn’t stop there, that Harry did in fact love you.

And yes, you might’ve admitted to Harrison on one very, very drunken night that you had occasionally thought of Harry as something more than your sarky friend. He had been since sworn to silence, though Haz had in fact, told Tom - who only replied with an ‘i told you so’.

Even though everyone else saw your relationship as complicated, to you and Harry it was just simple. You were just the best of friends.

And that’s how the evening went. The two of you were just messing around as usual; after eating the tomatoey pasta creation Harry had tried, you both made a right mess of the washing up - water ending up coating the floor and maybe one of the walls too (Tom would never know). And just like usual, it ended with you sprawled out on one sofa, Harry mirroring you on the adjacent one.

It was love island season, which meant every night at 9 pm there was only one place on earth either of you would be. On your respective sofas, watching the most trashy tv in the world.

Tonight though, no matter how excited you were for the next instalment of who-likes-who, your day of work caught up with you. Not that you noticed, but you’d pretty much passed out as soon as the opening scenes started. There were only two minutes of silence before Harry registered something was up - typically, he was trying to make you shut up so he could actually hear the TV. To investigate, he jumped off the sofa and leaned over the couch, the sight making him pout.

He knew work had been super stressful recently; and he also knew that your insomnia had been coming back with a vengeance. So instead of treating you like ‘one of the boys’ and throwing things until you woke up - Harry used a different approach. He draped the blanket that hung off the side of the sofa over you, biting back a slight smile as you huffed in appreciation for the soft quilt. Then Harry left you alone, knowing you could do with every little bit of rest you could get.

That was all good until it reached the third set of adverts when Harry heard you huff and move about on the sofa. And then again and again. Then again with what sounded like a bit of whimper too.

Brows furrowed, he paused the TV and slowly got up, rounding the sofa to see you somewhat matching his expression. Your face was contorted in one of distress, and you kept thrashing your head from side to side of the pillow. It didn’t take a genius to work out; this was your nightmares rearing their ugly heads.

Harry just wanted to stop this for you. Although the two of you were never particularly ‘mushy’ or vulnerable with each other - he knew just how much you were suffering recently. So without much thought into it, Harry knelt down to sit on the floor, side leaning up against the sofa as he looked towards you. Trying to hush you, he ran his hand over your forehead and over the top of your hair, though it seemed to take little effect. And then, again entirely without hesitation, Harry started to softly sing.

It’s a little bit funny

This feeling inside

I’m not one of those who can easily hide

Why Elton John was the first that came to mind was a mystery to Harry - except maybe that the lyrics ran true a little.

And you can tell everybody

This is your song

It may be quite simple, but now that it’s done

I hope you don’t mind

I hope you don’t mind

That I put down in the words

How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

You’d always loved old 70s music, you were the one that had properly got you into all that stuff - the beatles, billy joel, elton, even a bit of springsteen. He owed half his music taste to your Spotify playlists, even if he’d never admit it to your face.

So excuse me forgetting

But these things I do

You see I’ve forgotten, if they’re green or they’re blue

Anyway the thing is, what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen

With a final huff, you finally settled down, Harry swore he could see all the discomfort literally melting away from your face. It took a minute but your breath evened out, mumbling something incomprehensible as you curled up toward him on the edge of the sofa.

This wasn't the first time he’d sang to you in your sleep - and he sort of hoped it wouldn't be the last either.

feedback is really appreciated <3

harry taglist : @euphorichxlland @lovehollandy12 @pandaxnienke @msmimimerton @crossyourpeter @hallecarey1

[pigeonp0st]

Poison Ivy x Reader #1

Words: 1,112

Warnings: kidnapping, needle, blood

Notes:

Kinda hate that this will be my first time writing for Ivy when I don’t really like this at all. I made it during a writing stump...I hope you enjoy it anyways! Sorry for spelling mistakes.

——

Getting kidnapped by the Gotham City Sirens wasn’t really in your plans for the weekend...it wasn't in your plans for life in general really...but here you are.

Here you are; listening to Catwoman and Poison Ivy bicker back and forth, and watching the infamous Harley Quinn try to balance a pencil on her nose while growing increasingly more frustrated.

This whole situation is just humorous.

Made even more so at the fact that these three sirens have been coming to the bookshop where you work, undercover, for weeks now, and you hadn’t even recognized who they were.

You were growing quite fond of Pamela (or Poison Ivy you’ve come to realize) until this whole kidnapping thing.

You thought originally that the two of you had something...

“I can’t believe I got kidnapped by a bunch of Idiots,” you mutter, pulling at the vines that have you trapped against a chair. They only wrap themselves tighter.

Harley Quinn pokes her head up from behind a table (her pencil dropped and she was reaching for it), pouting exaggeratedly. “Um, rude!”

You grimace after realizing you were louder than you originally thought. Oops.

Ivy quirks an amused eyebrow at you, and then at Harley. “Don’t discredit her, Harls. She’s right about two of us.”

“Yes,” Selina agrees, scowling. “You two are idiots.”

Ivy and Selina glare at each other heatedly, and really you can’t even believe these three people are friends. They’re just so different...

“They do that a lot,” Harley informs you, grinning and spinning her chair over to you. You look down, avoiding her gaze. It’s pointless because Harley just ends up tilting your head up with her pencil. “We just need some of the blood you’ve got, ‘k’ sweet cheeks? Ives says it’s special.”

You’re aware of your valuable blood.

“...sweet cheeks?” You repeat hesitantly, grimacing again.

“She likes nicknames,” both Selina and Ivy say, seemingly done with their glare battle.

It’s going to be a long day...if you even survive the rest of it.

———

Later, when Selina and Harley leave (Harley for some snacks, and Selina for some ‘air’) Ivy moves over towards you with a very sharp needle.

“This shouldn’t hurt too much,” she assures, rolling her eyes at your disbelieving look. Ivy, unfortunately, grabs your arm with her gloved hand and prepares the needle anyways, despite your terrified wide eyes.

She flinches away from you though, and almost drops your arm altogether, when your hand almost touches her forearm. “Try not to touch me or else you’ll die,” she informs, grabbing your arm again with barely concealed annoyance.

You frown, tilting your head like a puppy. “You didn’t need to threaten me.”

“No, I mean you’ll literally die. My skin is poison to the touch.”

You blink at that, sputtering and trying to shift away as much as you can with the bounds on. “I saw Harley all over you before!” You protest.

Ivy nods impatiently. “Yes, I gave her immunity.”

You quiet down for a moment, stewing in the information she’s given you, until suddenly you say: “Okay, cool, give me immunity too.”

Ivy looks at you like you're crazy. “Um. No?”

“Why not?” You ask, narrowing your eyes at her. You almost take delight in her shock—the way she blinks at you and stops moving altogether.

“I’m not giving some random person immunity to my toxins,” Ivy says slowly, like the answer is obvious.

“Oh.”

Ivy continues staring at you.

“So you’d give it to your friend?” You ask, watching her hesitantly nod in response. She already knows where this is going. “Then let’s be friends.”

It’s that moment that Ivy sticks her needle into your vein, causing you to yelp and glare at her. “Some friend you are,” you mumble under your breath.

Ivy glances up from the blood dripping into her medical bag to meet your eyes, “i’m not your friend, dear.”

“Why can’t you be...because you’re a villain?”

Ivy visibly bristles at that, pulling the needle out of your arm roughly. “I’m not a villain for trying to save the planet. I am Mother Nature's chosen—”

“Guardian,” you finish for her, watching the blood drip down your forearm and unable to do anything about it with your arms still trapped. “I’ve heard it all before.”

Poison Ivy turns away from you to focus on her newly attained blood, rolling her eyes all the while.

You watch her work, mildy intrigued. “I think what you're doing is kinda cool,” you tell her quietly. “I mean there’s probably better ways to go about it...but you’re doing good. And you’re super smart.”

Ivy doesn’t respond, leaving you to grow uncomfortable in the quiet until you speak again; “so...can you really talk to plants?”

She glances over her shoulder at you, quirking an eyebrow. “It’s complicated communication,” she offers simply. Her eyes drift from your face to your bleeding arm after a moment. She immediately drops what she's doing when she sees the line of red running down your arm, sighing.

“You really didn’t have to pull out so hard,” you grumble, watching Ivy clean your small injury (she’s only using her gloved hand).

She sends you a look that’s both suspicious and amused and it only takes you a moment after that to hear the innuendo she sensed in your words, and when you do you have to turn away to hide the flush in your cheeks.

The chuckle she releases afterwards only embarrasses you more.

“I’m quick to defensiveness,” Ivy says, smoothing over the bandaid she seemingly got out of nowhere.

Your eyes light up at the smile she gives you. “So...can we become friends?” You ask again.

It must be too soon because Ivy visible closes herself off from you again. That’s why it surprises you when Ivy gives you a somewhat hesitant nod. “We’ll see how we get along.”

Your responding grin has her giving you the third eye roll of the day. You really hadn’t expected Ivy to actually want to be your friend. She just seems above it all...on a different level. In a different world. “Admit it; you like me,” you pester, feigning confidence.

Ivy flicks you right in the middle of your eyebrows in response. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Clover.”

“Clover?” You repeat, confused.

“Harls isn’t the only one who likes nicknames,” Ivy smirks.

And yeah...Ivy is kinda alright, poison and all, kidnapping and all, slight manipulation and all. “Wanna get untied?” Ivy asks, tilting her head, “or maybe not, i’m starting to think you like it,” she muses.

Very alright. Ivy is very alright.

“Untie me you snake.”

[imagineyourworld-old]

Just Friends

Poe x Genderneutral!Reader 

Summary: You were tired of denying the assumption that you were dating your best friend, so you finally gave up. But what happens when Poe finds out that you’re supposedly dating? 

Warnings: Maybe a slight bit of angst, but mostly fluff 

-------

Though you couldn’t see him you knew it was Poe who was standing behind you. It wasn’t the familiar smell of grease and rain and something you could only describe as Poe that gave him away, nor was it the sound of a suppressed laugh, it was the way you felt. His presence made you feel like no one else’s, safe, happy, loved. Poe felt like home.

“Good morning, sweetheart”, he whispered in your ear before he wrapped his arms around you. You leaned back into his embrace until your back hit is chest and just a little further.

“Morning, handsome”, you replied, which earned you a soft kiss on your cheek. You hummed in content as you felt the contrast of soft lips and rough stubble on your skin.

“The two of you are sickeningly sweet, did anyone ever tell you that?”, Rey, who you had been talking to before Poe turned up, asked. Poe, whose nose was now buried in the crook of your neck, simply nodded.

You had actually heard it quite often, from friends and strangers alike. Usually the statement was followed by the question how long the two of you had been together, which was usually the moment your smile dropped. Because you weren’t together, you and Poe were simply friends. Affectionate friends, but that was just because you knew each other all your lives, you had grown up together after all.

“I need to go, I’m late for a meeting with Leia”, Poe whispered against your neck. You turned around in his embrace, causing your faces to be closer together than they usually were. A blush crept up your neck and you hoped that, due to the close proximity, Poe wouldn’t notice it. 

“Then why did you even come here?” 

You felt him shrug rather than actually seeing it. 

“I wanted to see you”, he simply said. 

Before you could reply, or even properly process what he’d said, Poe pressed another kiss to your cheek and left. 

Slowly you turned back to face Rey, who had an amused look on her face, an all too familiar look. You opened and closed your mouth a few times, but no words came out. 

“I know I’ve told you before, but you can talk to me”, she said. “How long have you been dating?”

A groan escaped you before you could stop it.

“I know I’ve told you before”, you mimicked her words. “But we’re just friends.” 

“I know I’ve told you before”, Rey grinned. “Just friends don’t hug and kiss like that, just friends don’t tell go out of their way to see each other for just a few seconds and just friends don’t look at each other like that.” 

You loved Rey, you really did, but she couldn’t keep a secret to save her life, so you couldn’t tell her what was running through your head, through your heart, at her words. Yes, Poe was an affectionate guy in general, and yes, he was especially affectionate with his best friend, but you weren’t like that. Sure, you hugged your friends, you sometimes even kissed your friends on the cheek like Poe did, but you didn’t mean it like you did with Poe. You loved your friends, but you didn’t love them like Poe. It had taken you years of failed relationships and denying to come to terms with the fact that you were in love with your best friend. 

------- 

“Whatcha got there, buddy?”, Poe asked the little droid, who had a single red flower carefully tied to his antenna. 

A couple of beeps and boops told the pilot that it was a gift from his best friend. 

“From (Y/N), really?” 

He smiled at BB8′s affirmative beep. Carefully he untied the flower and lifted it to his nose. He had no idea what kind it was, but it smelled sweet and fresh and made his heart beat just a little bit faster. 

“Either someone is trying to get on your good side or you and (Y/N) finally admitted your feelings.” 

At Snap’s comment Poe lifted his head from the flower. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, he said, even though he did. He knew he wore his heart on his sleeve and anyone could probably tell how he felt about you, anyone but you that was. 

“I really don’t know what the deal is with the two of you. Are you in a secret relationship or something?” 

Maker, Poe really was getting sick of telling people that the two of you were just friends. It’s not that he didn’t love being friends with you, your friendship was sacred, but uttering the those two little words added cracks to his breaking heart every time. 

“You know we’re not. We’re -” 

“- just friends”, Snap added the familiar words. 

Poe twisted the flower in his hand. Maybe one day, after this war is over, he could take you somewhere, maybe back home to Yavin IV and tell you how he really felt. 

-------

“Truth or dare?”, Rose asked. 

Everyone focused their eyes on Finn. 

“Dare?” It was more of a question than a statement, though he really didn’t have anything to fear from Rose, neither her questions nor her dares were ever too harsh. 

“I dare you to...”, Rose looked around, clearly trying to come up with something. Finally her eyes landed on a certain golden droid in the distance. “I dare you to ask C3PO to explain to you the different dialects of Huttese in great detail.” 

Finn groaned, but he stood up and walked over to the droid regardless. 

You took another sip from your glass while you watched. While 3PO seemed enthusiastic Finn’s face was a mixture of forced interest and regret. Next to you you heard Rose laughing. 

Finally Finn returned, having finished the first dare of the evening. Everyone in your small group, consisting of Rose, Rey, Snap and Jess clapped. 

Just a fraction of a second later he looked straight at you. 

“(Y/N), truth or dare?”

“Truth”, you answered without a moment of hesitation. 

A smile spread across Finn’s face. 

“Are you and Poe a couple?” 

Your first instinct was to reply with a sarcastic “a couple of besties”, but you knew that wasn’t the answer everyone was expecting, nor was it the answer they would believe. Ironic how in this case a lie was more believable than the truth. 

“Yes.” 

The second the word left your lips you regretted it. Maybe the alcohol was to blame, maybe it was the fact that you knew your friends would not believe the true answer, maybe you said it because it was the answer you wanted to be true. No matter what, the others starting cheering and shouting as soon as you said it. 

“I knew it!” 

“Since when?” 

“Finally!” 

“About time!” 

They were all talking at the same time, making it impossible for you to tell who said what. 

“Jess, it’s your turn”, you said in hope of making your friends forget the lie you had just told. 

-------

“Poe, I’m glad you’re back”, Finn greeted his friend. 

The pilot simply nodded. He had been flying for hours after finishing a tiring mission, and though he was glad to see his friend, all he really wanted was sleep. 

“(Y/N) is in some sort of meeting, but it should finish soon.” 

At the mention of your name Poe lit up. Up til now he hadn’t even realised how much he had missed you in his short absence. 

Finn seemed to notice the change in his behaviour, at least judging by the way he grinned at him. 

“I can only imagine how happy they’ll be to have their boyfriend back.” 

Poe, who was already on his way to the door, stopped and turned to Finn. 

“What did you just say?” 

The other man simply smiled. 

“You don’t have to pretend anymore, (Y/N) came clean and told us you’re together.” 

Poe’s heart stopped before it started beating rapidly. Surely Finn must have misheard something. Maybe he was talking about another (Y/N), or maybe you were dating someone else, though the mere thought seemed like a punch to the gut. 

“What?”, the pilot asked again, this time in a hushed voice. 

Confusion overtook the happiness on Finn’s face. 

“We were playing truth or dare a few days ago, right after you left for your mission, and when I asked if the two of you were dating (Y/N) finally admitted that you are. Though they refused to tell us anything else.” 

Now it wasn’t just Finn who was confused. Why would you say that? Did that mean - Poe didn’t even dare to finish the thought. For years you had ignored his flirting, his hugs and kisses and “I love you”s, there was no way you felt the same. 

“I have to go”, he whispered, not sure whether Finn actually heard him and, quite honestly, not really caring. He just had to talk to you. 

-------

The second the door opened you got up from your spot on the edge of the bed. You had been waiting for Poe to come to his room for almost half an hour and now the moment of truth had come. 

Usually you would run up to your best friend and greet him with a hug and a kiss, or he would sweep you off your feet and pull you close, but today the two of you just stared at each other. 

“I need to talk to you”, you finally said. 

Poe took a step towards you, he was hesitant and you hated the uncertain, almost scared, look on his face. 

“Talk.” His voice was lower than usual and he didn’t meet your eyes. Suddenly it dawned on you, he must have already heard what you did and he was mad, disappointed. After all you had been through, this might be the moment your friendship, the most important relationship in your life, was at its end. 

“I was asked if we’re dating, yet again, and I was just tired of denying it. No one ever really believes the truth anyway, so I just said we were and I’m so, so sorry.” 

Though you had stepped closer to Poe and were now only centimeters apart you didn’t dare to reach out to him. 

Poe just nodded. He didn’t say anything, didn’t look at you, didn’t touch you. 

“I understand if that makes you uncomfortable and I’ll tell everyone that I was lying. Please forgive me, please don’t be mad.” 

You hated the way your voice trembled, hated the fear that Poe might be mad at you, he was never really mad at you. But most of all you hated that even if he forgave you, there now was no way he didn’t know how you felt. And while Poe, who was brave and funny and clever and the handsome, might want to be friends with you, there was no way he’d ever want to be more. Deep down you knew that, but that didn’t make the certain rejection any easier. 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of silence, Poe met your gaze. 

“What if you don’t?” 

Maybe it was due to nerves, but you couldn’t make sense of his words. 

“What do you mean?” 

You heard Poe taking a deep breath before he stepped closer to you, close enough for you to feel the heat radiating off of him and his breath on your face. 

“What if you don’t tell them that we’re not together? What if we ... actually were together.” 

His last words were more of a whisper than anything else. 

The uncertainty and fear in his expression were replaced by a look you knew all too well, hope. 

Slowly, softly you placed one of your hands on his neck and buried the other in the soft locks you had run your hands through so many times. 

“If we actually were together I think we’d kiss”, you whispered as you leaned closer. 

You didn’t know who closed the small gap, all you knew was that you felt his smile against your lips. 

It was a chaste kiss, more of touching of lips than an actual kiss, but it sent of a mixture of fireworks and butterflies in your stomach anyway. 

“If we actually were together I would tell you that I love you”, Poe whispered. He leaned his forehead against yours, your noses almost touching. 

“I love you too”, you returned the words you had said so many times before, but this time giving them a new meaning. 

“You do?”, he asked. 

Instead of an answer you pulled him closer until your lips met his in an actual kiss. A kiss that was soft and conveyed years of unspoken feelings, years of missed kisses and a promise of the years to come. 

-------

“What do you mean they only just confessed their feelings?”, Rey asked BB8 in a shocked tone. 

The little droid repeated his previous beeps. 

“I’ve got to tell Finn!”, she exclaimed before jumping from her chair and hurrying out of the room, BB8 right behind her. 

-------

This just popped into my head and even though I have more than enough to do with my uni work (and the other imagines I am working on) I just had to write it down. 

Please excuse any mistakes, it’s almost midnight and I have more coffee in my body than water. 

[minithefutureawaits09]

To follow up on an earlier post

Link to AOS:

❤️Absolutely Smitten❤️

- TOS Spirk edition

A/n:

It gets pretty angsty so hold on.

Also know in this Fic, Bones doesn’t know the details about Tarsus IV that info is extremely classified and really, only select people know about it. So it’s really been swept under the carpet in this particular fic.

--

Spock heads down the hallway and to Jim’s quarters. Buzzing in as he always does.

....

No response.

So he tried again.

...

No response.

Now things were getting a little concerning. So when he buzzed for a third time and got no response he types in the override code for Jim’s quarters. Absolutely worried sick, and he realized standing there that...

Spock can’t feel their bond.

That prospect alone sends his heart racing even faster than his normal resting heart rate. Yet he swallows his panic as the doors open with their familiar squeak and he’s engulfed into a warm dark room. The doors squeak again as they closed behind him.

“Jim? My Jim, where are you? Are you alright?”

The worry while he can control it physically, slips into his tone. Eyes already adjusting for the darkness of the room, a small tribute to his Vulcan biology. His eyes adjust much quicker than a humans does.

“Go away Spock.”

Came the sharpest reply the Vulcan’s almost positive he’s ever heard. While the words themselves were not super harmful, the tone punctured.

On the bed was a small heep of blankets, he can only assume that huddled in all of those blankets was his Husband. He allows himself to frown and his brows to furrow. Jim never wanted him to leave whenever he was upset, always wanting him to hold close and not let go. So something, although going through his eidetic memory he doesn’t see anything.

“Jim, My-“

“I said Go. Away. Commander. Consider it an order from your Captain.” 

Something was really wrong then. Yet he would not leave Jim’s side. Whatever it was, he had made a vow until death did they part. He wasn’t leaving.

“Then you will need to fill out the insubordination paperwork shortly.”

He sees the blankets move, and he can only assume he is being looked at.

“I am not leaving K’diwa. I am your bond mate, and I am worried about you. You did not answer your door, I cannot feel our bond, and your tone is enough evidence that there is something bothering you. I vowed to care for you and I intend to get to the bottom of it, so if that means facing insubordination charges then I will.”

More ruffling of sheets and blankets, and now he can see his bond mate. The dark brown hair, and make out his eyes in the darkness. Hand reached out towards him, and the pain is so sharp at the horrible broken voice his beloved uses. Their bond floods open and he can feel all of the jagged edges of self hatred attacking Jim’s mind.

“S-Sp-ock-”

His feet move on their own and in moments flat Spock had Jim in his lap still wrapped in a couple of blankets but held firmly. He sobs begging apologies from his lips and promises to never leave him. Every broken sound that leaves him makes the Vulcan’s heart ache, and wanting to tear apart whoever caused these precious tears to spill.

He assures Jim that he did no wrong, that he did not feel any hurt emotions at his words. That there was nothing there other than his overwhelming concern for the person he values the most. That he will always be there. Always.

He sends all of the pure intense love he feel for the brunette in his lap and reassurance through their bond to Jim. Using their physical proximity as an easy way to tap into his beloved’s head in gentle attempts to soothe the hurt he can feel. Whatever caused this got him good, where it hurt.

Eventually he calmed and Spock whispers gently resting his forehead against his human’s,

“K’diwa, My James, will you tell me now what is wrong?”

... There’s hesitation showing in those hazel eyes staring up at him,

“I promise you, no matter what you say, I will listen to every word.”

...

“Is there a problem with how I eat, Spock?”

What? That was such an odd question. Yet with those hazel eyes hanging onto his every moment for his reply he placed a gentle kiss to his forehead and answered,

“I have never seen it vary from normal that would produce the need for comment or medical intervention.”

...

“Do I hoard food, Spock?”

Spock instead of answering taps into their bond and catches just the thought of one event.

Tarsus IV

“Ha’su, does this have to do with Tarsus IV?”

He asks and Jim looks away ashamed- he knows he’s ashamed because he can’t hide it this close to Spock. Yet using one hand he guides his beautiful hazel gaze back to his own.

“My K’diwa, Tarsus IV is an indescribable horror you had to face at such a young age. I know you have tried your best to heal some of those wounds. I know this trauma will haunt you for the rest of your life, and it will always affect how you eat. A famine and genocide. Yes, I do notice you have a few non-perishable items around your quarters. However, I simply attributed them to the fact Humans need to eat more frequently.”

He runs a hand through those brown locks he loves so, so very much. He watches as those lips, a little swollen from his cries open,

“When food became such a struggle and for so long...I-I just—”

“Shh. You need not explain yourself to me. Your trauma and struggle with food is not invalid. It will never ever. Ever. Be invalid.”

This brings back a smaller wave of tears as his husbands arms wrapped around his neck rather then around his middle as they were originally.

“Did someone bring this up?”

“Yes.”

“Who?”

“Bones. Though he didn’t bring Tarsus itself up, he just made a comment on my eating habits and it well...Lead to an argument. He doesn’t know the full story though. I just haven’t told him yet because I haven’t been ready to. He only knows what my records say. Which isn’t much because the federation wanted to keep it hush hush.”

Spock nodded. So he would have to make a trip to Medbay and have an informative discussion with Dr. McCoy.

“Please don’t be mad at Him. He doesn’t know,”

“I am not mad because he did not know. However, I will be having a conversation with him if you are amenable to that to inform him of it so you will not have to.”

He feels a gentle nod at his words. Agreeing with him

‘I love you, and thank you for not leaving me alone and being willing to talk to Bones for me.’

‘I love you too, my Jim. I am absolutely smitten for thee, and I wish you to never forget that. Sleep now,’

‘I won’t, I promise I will never forget...’

Sleep the brunette does. It’s almost mere moments and he feels their bond gently going dormant. It’s still several moments before he gently rests his husband down and goes to speak with McCoy.

—

(Bonus scenes because I feel like it)

—

“Oh my god,”

Leonard’s hand his over his mouth. He was sitting at his desk as Spock had advised him to do so. Shock and guilt coated over himself.

“I didn’t know, I swear-”

“He informed me of such. I am not mad Dr. McCoy. I simply wished for you to understand.”

“I need to go apologize-”

“He is resting, however I am willing to let you know when he wakes.”

“Yes. Right. Thank you, Spock. I promise, I never would of said anything if I’d known. The only thing in his files says is he’s a Tarsus IV survivor. Nothing more. I never even knew what it was until now.”

“I understand Dr. McCoy.”

And he does.

“I will leave you to process this, and to go attend to Jim when he wakes.”

Leonard nodded as Spock exited.

-

Spock was holding Jim as he yawns and those Hazel eyes open. He doesn’t say anything but he can feel the gentle buzz in his head from seeing that his husband was still here just as he promised he would be.

“Commander Spock to Medbay,”

..

“Medbay here, What is it?”

“The Captain is awake if you wish to see him,”

“Alright. Be up in 15 minutes.”

“Noted. Spock out,”

The transmission was cut.

His partner seemed confused, so Spock relayed the message.

“He wishes to apologize directly, and I said I would inform him of your awakening.”

A simple nod comes from Jim.

...

It was actually less than 15 minutes when Bones shows up. Normally Leonard would say something to get them apart, but given what happened he isn’t going to say a thing about Spock holding Jim.

“Jim?”

The brunette’s head turns to look at his best friend.

“Hey, I wanted to apologize for what I said.”

He sits down on the edge of the bed. Spock watches as those hazel eyes follow him.

“Jim, god. I never, I never would have said any- any of that if I had known. I promise you. I had no idea what sort of demon you deal with every time you go to eat in your head.”

“It’s alright-”

“It’s not though Jim. I shouldn’t have said those things in-”

“Leonard.”

The doctors name makes him fall quiet.

“Leonard, You didn’t know. I hadn’t told you...Yet now that you know, could we schedule an appointment to maybe..do something about it?”

“Maybe try some anti-anxiety medications?”

Jim nodded.

“You got it kiddo. Whenever you’re ready you just let me know alright?”

“Alright.”

Bones gives a nod to Spock who had been silent for this whole time. He knows that means to gently and lovingly encourage him to do so in the near future. He leaves but not before Jim surprised them both by pulling the doctor into a hug. They held on for just a few moments and even Spock could tell the world was alright once more. The doctor then left, and Spock went back to holding his partner. Humming as he gently guided him back to sleep, and shortly drifted off after.

[literaila]

i see red. i see nothing.

“the beginning”

spencer reid x reader. 

request: this was requested... but if I tell you all of it it’ll be spoiled so. here's the summary. 

summmary: a car accident. a head injury. lost memories. all of them. Spencer doesn't remember the reader. But remembers everything else. 

the preface for this is here. you can read it if you’d like more insight into the story :)

warnings: blood. angst. car accident. hospital. needle mentions. amnesia. incorrect medical speak (probably) uhhhhh that's it? 

It was just a moment. 

There was just a moment of complete silence, a moment where they were just staring at each other. There was just a moment of them. They looked at each other, and the sun was shining on them, the sun was shining on just the two of them for a moment. And everything else felt like nothing. It felt like it was just them, for just a moment everything else ceased to exist, for just one tiny moment, there was nothing else. 

It was a moment too long. 

They stared at each other, and their smiles were outshining the sun, and their eyes were focused on one another, and there wasn't anything. 

It was just a moment.

One moment. 

And then it was gone. 

The ground was being ripped from underneath them, the world was spinning on its axis and there was nothing else left. Everything was gone. Everything had disappeared. 

They were flipped upside down, flipped completely around, their worlds destroyed in front of their eyes. 

There was something that sounded like screaming. 

And there was red all around them. Red in their eyes and in their mouths, and on their clothes, and in the air, and it was stuck on everything around them, red red red, there was so much red, there was nothing else but red. 

Red. On her hands, in her eyes, dripping from the ceiling. Red. 

She looked around, tried to see past the red, tried to look for him. 

She looked, and she stayed awake. 

There was still screaming. 

It was cold. It was red. 

She looked around, she saw him, her world, upside down. She saw everything the exact opposite of how it was supposed to look. 

She watched her breath float in front of her. 

Red. 

She watched her breath disappear. 

She closed her eyes. 

***

Five years ago, a similar moment had happened. 

Five years ago, a boy with long messy hair, and a girl who had no idea where she was going, they met eyes. 

Five years ago, everything ceased to exist. 

Five years ago, a moment had happened. A moment neither of them would forget. 

Five years ago, a boy with messy hair saw her eyes, saw her, and she looked back at him. 

Five years ago, they didn't know each other. 

A moment was shared, one that was only theirs. 

Now, the moment had disappeared. 

***

What did it feel like to have your mind ripped from your body? 

What did it feel like to lose everything that mattered to you? 

What did it feel like to have everything just simply disappear?

How could everything just be gone? 

Why was it gone? 

What did it feel like when you were ripped from the person you had become, from the people that had shaped you, from the very mind that you thought was yours to keep forever? 

How did that feel? 

***

Spencer woke up surprised. 

His body was paralyzed beneath him, and he wasn't at home. There was no one else in the room with him. 

He looked around the white walls, looked at the ceiling, looked at his body, listened to the beeping of machines all around him, he noticed the IV in his arm, the strap around his arm, the cast on his leg. 

He was smart enough to know that he was in the hospital. 

He wondered why he couldn't move, why his body felt like it weighed a million tons under him, why there wasn't any pain. 

He could feel a bandage wrapped around his head. He wondered why. 

He closed his eyes, focused on the feeling of air filling his lungs instead of the questions flooding his head. He was sure he would know soon enough, he just had to be patient. There wasn't anything he could do while his body was paralyzed. 

He breathed in and out, counted in his head, and when counting got to be too much, he switched to the alphabet, going forwards and backward in multiple languages. And then when he couldn't remember anything else, he focused on his breath again. 

He just had to be patient. 

It took another half an hour, another half an hour of Spencer trying to distract himself from the agony of not being able to move, trying to distract himself from the fact that there was no one else in this hospital room but him, it was another half an hour he was alone. 

And then two people walked in, talking insistently to each other. 

“No, the doctor said that he would-” 

“Penelope you know there's always a chance-” 

“No Derek, he's fine. The doctor said he would be fine.” 

“Penelope…” 

“What would she do without him, Derek?” 

Both of the people sighed. 

Spencer was quick to follow, sighing out in relief. These were his friends. He wasn't completely alone. 

And then Garcia gasped, dropping the cup of coffee she had been holding. She was frozen there in place, shocked at the look of Spencer's eyes, shocked that he was awake. Derek was quick to take action though, he walked over to Spencer and started asking questions incessantly.

All of his questions involved different variations of “does this hurt?” and Spencer felt overwhelmed by every new question that Derek said, he still had no idea why he was in the hospital, what had happened, why both of them looked so shocked to see him. He had no idea what was going on. 

Shakily, he coughed out a “What happened?”. His voice was different, didn't feel right, he hadn't talked in so long. 

Derek looked back at Penelope, she took the hint and left the room to go find the doctor. Derek looked back to Spencer and sighed. “We’ve all been worried sick about you kid.” 

Spencer just frowned at him “I’m sorry?” 

Derek chuckled at him, happy to see that Spencer was functioning fine. Although the doctor had told him there might be lifelong effects on his brain that were irreversible, Spencer seemed fine. 

“Y/N’s been worried sick about you,” Derek said next, thinking about the girl who had refused to leave the hospital as long as Spencer was still there.  

“Y/N?” Spencer asked, his eyes innocent and confused. 

“Yeah Y/N, your girlfri-” Derek’s eyes widened. Spencer looked completely and utterly confused, there was no hint of joking in his face, nothing that showed that Spencer was just messing with Derek. No, Spencer had no idea what he was talking about, Spencer was actually confused. 

Derek's eyes flashed around the room, he thought of what the doctor had said about permanent effects. And he stalked out of the room, going to get some answers. 

“Derek?” Spencer called after him. 

What was going on? 

***

Four weeks ago she’d opened her eyes.

A million different thoughts appeared in her brain at once. 

One: She didn’t know where she was. 

Two: There wasn’t anyone in the room with her. 

Three: There was a light that was blinding her. 

Four: There were needles, pricking every nerve in her body. 

Five: Her head was buzzing. Pounding like a heartbeat, intense in her skull.

Six: Spencer wasn’t there. 

Red. 

She could remember red. Blazing, hot, boiling, shaking her. She could remember how bright it had been, how blinding it felt, she remembered red. 

She remembered her world turning upside down, changing positions before her eyes. 

She couldn’t remember ever leaving the car. She couldn’t remember this room. 

She looked around, her eyes were burning, dry, and hot. She saw a bright light on the ceiling, she saw white all around her. When she turned her head, the slight movement sending a piercing pain down her entire body, she didn’t see anything but white and gray. 

There were cabinets on the opposite side of the room, chairs next to the bed she was laying on, and cords coming from everywhere. 

She tried flexing her fingers, making sure she could still feel her body. Nothing felt like it was gone, she could feel her fingertips against a rough sheet. 

She wasn’t paralyzed.

She tried her toes next, bent them up and down, feeling the muscles in her foot tense and un-tense.

She definitely wasn’t paralyzed.

She was focused on listening to her heart, focusing on the consistent beat, the blood rushing through her veins. 

And she was still focusing when someone walked in. 

Her doctor explained the accident. He explained that when she felt like her world was turning upside down, shifting the wrong way, her car had rolled down a hill. He explained how long it took for anyone to come to get her and Spencer, explained how someone driving on the road heard screaming. He told her about the amount of blood she had lost, the pints that had drained out of her while she was flipped upside down. 

That explained the red. 

He told her about her broken ribs, the abdominal bleeding, the concussion she had managed to get in her car. He explained that she was healing fine, but that she hadn’t woken up for three days. He explained that she would’ve died if they had been ten minutes later, that she had lost much to blood to function any longer. 

She focused on her breathing. 

And when he was done, when he finally had explained everything, she only had one question to ask. 

“Where is Spencer?” 

The doctor hesitated. She could see that much, saw him lean back only slightly, saw his proud smile fade. 

That wasn’t good.

Both of them heard the heart monitor speed up, listened to the beeping get faster. She looked over to the machine and then back to the doctor with panicked eyes. 

Where was Spencer? 

“No, no, no.” the doctor said, raising his hands as if to calm her down. “Spencer is alive.”

And while this was good news to her, made her feel much stronger than she felt a second ago, she wasn’t happy. She had seen the hesitation, saw the doctor pull back. There was still something wrong. 

“Where is he?” she asked again, this time making her statement more clear. 

“He’s... he’s in the hospital.” the doctor winced, looking away from her. “he’s in the ICU.” 

The ICU. Intensive Care Unit. Spencer was in the ICU, the ICU meant danger. Oh god, oh god. He was going to die, he was going to die. ICU ICU. 

The beeping sped up again, and her eyes flew around the room. She started to move, started to get up to get out of there so she could see him herself. She needed to see him. He was going to die he was going to die. 

Pain blinded her as soon as she tried to sit up. It was freezing her, stopping her heart. She couldn’t breathe. How could a person be in so much pain? 

“Woah, come on, lay back down.” the doctor said, moving her back to the bed. “I’m going to go get someone. I’ll be right back.”

And she couldn’t protest. She could barely even move. 

The pain was circling her body, keeping her locked down to the bed. 

It was several minutes before the doctor came back. 

By then, the pain had started to fade out of her fingers, she was no longer blinded, but she still felt locked down. She looked over at him, trying to ignore the piercing that came with moving her eyes. 

She needed to get herself under control. She needed to see Spencer.

At first, she didn't notice that there was someone following the Doctor. A woman who was much shorter than the doctor followed him into the room, stepping out from behind him. 

Penelope. 

Y/N had met her 2 years after she’d met Spencer, the two of them had become close friends and had become a pair from the first conversation. 

Penelope. 

She would know what was going on with Spencer, she would make everything okay, she would tell Y/N exactly what was going on, she would explain everything, it would all be okay. It would be fine. Penelope was here. 

“Penelope.” she gasped out, her voice connecting with her thoughts. She watched her friend walk over to her, watched as her friend took her hand, watched as her friend smiled a hesitant smile at her. 

She ignored the buzzing that came with Penelope touching her hand. 

The doctor who stood by the doorway cleared his throat, and the two women looked over to him, he gave another half-smile. “I’m going to let her talk to you. I’ll be back in a little while to do an examination.” and with that, he walked out the door. 

Y/N could care less. 

She immediately looked over to Penelope, her eyes wide, her hands squeezing Penelope as a way to beg her to tell Y/N what was going on. 

“It's nice to see you awake,” Penelope said, giving her the same hesitant smile, the one that she had worn when she walked in the room. 

“Where's Spencer?” Y/N said, ignoring what her friend had said. 

Penelope looked away from Y/N, careful not to say anything yet. Y/N’s question floated in the air, flying above their heads, begging to be answered. 

“Pen. Where is he?” When Penelope still didn't answer, Y/N removed her hand from Penelopes, her eyes angry now. “What is going on?” 

“The doctors said you would've died if they had waited any longer.” Was all Penelope replied, looking behind herself for a chair. Ignoring the fury in Y/N’s eyes, ignoring the questions that were floating above their heads. 

“Penelope,” Y/N begged, trying to get her friend to just answer her. 

“I was really worried about you.” she paused, finally looking back to Y/N. “Even after the doctors said you would be fine, I was really worried. We were not sure when you would wake up, how much pain you would be in…” 

The reminder of the flame setting her body on fire did not help Y/N’s worry. She shifted uncomfortably in her bed. 

“How do you feel Sugar?” Penelope asked, her face tense. Y/N had never seen her friend so serious, it seemed impossible for Penelope to go a minute without smiling, without making a joke that would brighten everyone’s mood. But now, she wasn't smiling, she wasn't laughing, and she was only making Y/N’s mood darker. 

“I’m fine.” 

Penelope gave her a look. 

“I’m fine. I want to know what's going on? What aren't you telling me?” Y/N was feeling like she wanted to scream. She didn't like secrets. And she especially didn't like them when they were about Spencer. 

Penelope sighed and looked down. She picked at one of her nails for a moment then looked back up. “Spencers in the ICU.” 

“I know. The doctor told me that. But what's wrong with him? Can I see him? Is he going to die?” Just as the words left her mouth she could feel the pain intensify. He couldn't die. He wouldn't. 

Penelope shook her head, looking back down at the floor. 

“He got hurt in the accident,” she said, then paused and looked back up at Y/N. “He took most of the damage. He was crushed under the car, and they got you out first.” Penelope blinked rapidly as if she was trying not to cry. Everything she was saying was making Y/N more and more anxious. “He had to have brain surgery.” 

Y/N took a shaky breath in. Her lungs burned in the air. 

“W-why? What- Penelope what happened?” 

“His brain was swelling, and” she laughed ironically “Spencer would be able to explain it better than I can. I honestly don't know.” 

“Well is he okay?” Y/N asked, looking at Penelope with anxious eyes. 

“He's alive.” Penelope shrugged. “The doctors say he could suffer extensive brain damage. They don't know yet.” 

Y/N took a minute to think it over. It was a car accident. She’d gotten hurt. Spencer had gotten more hurt. He was alive though. He was alive. And he was in the hospital. 

In the hospital. 

“Can I go see him? I need to see him.” Y/N rattled out desperately, she started getting out of bed once again, moaning out at the pain, but refusing to lay back down. She had to see him. 

“Hey, hey sweetheart. Come on, you can't go anywhere right now.” Penelope said, jumping out of her seat to help her friend, carefully pushing her back down on the bed. “You need to let your body heal Y/N.” 

But Y/N looked at her angrily. “I need to see him! It's just a little pain, I need- I need to see him!” She pushed Penelope's hands away, forcing herself to keep moving, to get off the bed. She needed to go see him, she needed to be strong for Spencer, she needed to get out of bed. It was just a little pain, it was just a little bit of pain. 

It was just a little- 

She screamed out, her body shaking, every one of her nerves was being pinched, pulled, pricked at. She gasped out and tried not to let her body move anymore. 

“Y/N?! Come on, lay down.” 

But she was already flat against the bed. She was already frozen, stuck in the prison that was her pain. She couldn't move. 

God, why couldn't she move? 

She gasped. “Spencer,” 

She didn't notice the doctor rushing back into the room, she didn't notice Penelope and him talking very loudly. She didn't notice how hard her heart was beating, the beeping that came with it. She didn't notice Penelope looking at her worried, she didn't notice the hand holding hers, she didn't notice anything. 

But there was pain. There was so much pain. 

She didn't notice the drugs filling her body, the pain medication shutting down her nerves, she didn't notice the doctor leaving the room. 

She only started to wake up from her daze when the pain started to fade from her chest, the feeling going down second by second. 

“Spencer,” she said when she thought she could breathe again. 

“Y/N..” Penelope said, leaving over her bed, still holding her hand, her eyes still immensely worried. 

“See... Him.” Y/N said, her breath going out at the words. Her throat was extremely dry now. 

“Y/N,” Penelope said again, sighing and shaking her head. She waited a moment, then sighed again. “Spencers in a coma Y/N.” 

Suddenly air didn't exist. 

Suddenly pain wasn't enough to distract her. 

Suddenly she couldn't breathe. 

“The doctors don't know when he’ll wake up.” Penelope continued. 

And suddenly Y/N understood why her doctor, why Penelope was hesitant to tell her the truth. They knew she wouldn't take well to the thought of her boyfriend never waking up. 

Extensive brain damage. 

Maybe she did need to rest. 

 ***

Two weeks later, when Y/N was healed enough to go home, she screamed again. 

It was time for her to go home. 

Spencer hadn't woken up. 

It was time for her to go home. 

She still felt pain every time she tried to move, still felt her lungs, her ribs, her chest, burn out smoke whenever she tried to breathe, but she was walking. She could function almost completely normally. That was the deciding factor in her release from the hospital. 

It was time for her to go home. 

Spencer was still sleeping. 

She had to leave. She had to leave him. 

When the doctor came in the room, ready to hand her the paperwork, to kick her out, to leave her boyfriend in the hospital still in a coma while she was at home, to release her. 

She screamed. 

She fought everyone that came into the room. Every person that even tried to touch her. 

She wasn't leaving. She wouldn't leave without him. She wouldn't. 

She wouldn't stop screaming at them. 

She wouldn't stop screaming, wouldn't stop kicking and hitting, she wouldn't stop, just wouldn't stop. 

She was too focused on pushing a nurse away to notice the doctor next to her. 

She was too late to stop him from sedating her. 

She spent a week in the psych ward. 

 ***

After that week no one tried to make her leave. 

She spent a week sitting next to Spencer's bed until the nurses forced her out. She spent several hours of the day watching him breathe, watching to make sure he was still alive. As long as he was still alive she would be fine. 

She tried not to cry in his room. 

No one ever seemed to bother her in there. 

When she wasn't in his room, she was sitting in her hospital bed, eating all the pudding she could find, watching bad TV. She tried not to think about anything when she wasn't with Spencer, she tried to get away from it all. 

She didn't want to be sent back to the psych floor. 

It only took a week. 

168 hours. 

She was told three hours after he woke up. 

She’d been coloring on her bed, listening to the TV as background noise, shutting out the world, when her doctor came in with a seldom look on his face. 

“What?” she asked quietly, not liking the look in his eyes, not liking the way her chest got tighter, the way her breathing got even slower. 

She stared at him for a moment. Waited for him to say something.

And he did. “Mr. Reid is awake.” 

That was all it took. 

She was flying out of her bed, ignoring the doctors panicked look, she was ignoring everything, Spencer was awake. He was awake. 

It had been four weeks. 

He was awake. 

She was slipping on her slippers, moving past her doctor, trying to get to the ICU as quickly as possible. She cursed herself for leaving so early, for not being there when he woke up. She should’ve been there. 

She was walking out the door when her doctor gently grabbed one of her shoulders, stopping her from leaving the room. 

She looked back at him irritated, he knew how much she’d been wanting to see Spencer, he was the only thing she ever talked about, why was he stopping her now? 

“What?” she asked harshly, regretting the tone in her voice as soon as it came out. But she ignored her guilt, more focused on the sad look in the doctor's eyes. 

She waited for him to speak. She knew it was serious, and she wasn't going to leave without an answer. 

“There's unfortunate news.” He said quietly, avoiding her eyes. 

“What?” she asked, immediately panicked. “What's wrong?” 

“Spencer seems to be fully aware, he’s speaking fine, he seems to be fine.” Her doctor continued, and she looked at him confused. Spencer was fine? 

“Then what's wrong?” 

“Well... It seems that Mr. Reid has a completely different problem.” Her doctor paused, thinking of how he could explain this, how he could put it likely. 

She crossed her arms and tapped her foot. Why was she still here if Spencer was fine? 

“You see, Spencer, has suffered from retrograde amnesia.”

And no. Spencer definitely wasn't fine. 

 ***

“So he just doesn't remember me?” 

Her voice was all wrong. It was small and broken. 

Spencer didn't remember her. 

“Well,” her doctor said. They had moved to his office, as he had insisted she needed to listen and be away from everything else. 

She didn't have the best track record in the hospital. 

“There's always a chance he can gain memories back… but at the moment, yes he just doesn't remember you.” 

She knew he was trying to be reassuring, knew that he was trying to tell her that it would just take time, that everything would be alright. She knew he knew how fragile she was. 

The problem was, it just wasn't working. Reassurance couldn't help her. 

Spencer didn't remember her. He didn't remember meeting her, or texting her for the first time, he didn't remember the way they looked at each other, he didn't remember the time he tried to make her breakfast and ended up waking her up in the process. 

He didn't remember how nervous he was the day he asked her to move in with him, the smile on his face, the smile on her face when she said yes without any hesitation. He didn't remember their first kiss or first date. 

He didn't remember falling in love with her. 

How could she move on without him? How could she ever heal properly when he didn't know how in love they had been? How could she live without him? 

“He has asked to see you though.” 

She looked up from the floor. Shock filled her face. He wanted to see her? He knew about her? 

The doctor must have read all the questions in her eyes because he then continued, “Your friends mentioned you... That's how we found out he had lost his memory. Now he wants to meet you. He doesn't really understand yet.” 

She didn't understand. Why would he want to meet her? 

“I can take you to see him now…” 

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I can- I can go. I- I should go.” 

She left the doctor's office, ignoring the calls that followed her. 

She wasn't thinking. She couldn't think anymore. Spencer didn't know who she was. He probably didn't even know her name. 

But still. 

She had to see him. She hadn't seen his eyes in weeks, hadn't heard him speak, she could barely remember the sound of his voice now. After weeks of just watching him breathe, just breathe, she had to see him awake. She needed to confirm that he was alive, that he was still awake. 

That was all she needed. 

She didn't think about how he would react to her, about how he didn't know anything about her, she wasn't thinking about any of it. She just needed to see him. 

She walked down the hall, pressing on the elevator button incessantly. 

She remembered the time Spencer had told her that she would actually cancel it out.

“The motor is just going to restart the process Y/N… slow down.”

She remembered laughing at him, and pressing the button again, just to tease him. She remembered him glaring at her, and taking her hand. She remembered him smiling at her when she pouted, then kissing her hand softly and walking into the elevator. 

God, she needed to see him. 

She walked into the elevator, avoiding eye contact with everyone else in the elevator. She was irritated. She wished she could just be there already. She sighed and leaned her head against the wall. 

She’d been dreaming about his eyes for weeks. Thinking about him, what she would do if she couldn't have him anymore. 

She rushed out of the elevator, running down the hall to the room she’d spent hours in, she got there, her lungs burning, her heart racing, the pain ringing up and down her body. She thought it was worth it. 

And she was just about to open the door when Derek walked out. 

And then she remembered. 

Retrograde Amnesia. 

He didn't remember her. 

“Derek,” she whispered, trying to catch her breath. 

“Y/N.. do you... Did the-” 

“Yes I know,” she whispered quieter this time. She knew all about it. 

Derek sighed out in relief, glad he wouldn't have to be the one to tell her. “I’ve told him about you. Not a lot. But enough for him to understand… do you want to go in?” He asked, looking down to meet her eyes. 

And she thought about it. Felt the nerves crawling up her throat. She cleared her throat, hoping she could push them down, force them away. She didn't need them right now. “Um..” she breathed out, “I think- I think I’ll wait a minute.” she swallowed, her stomach bubbling. “If that's okay,” she said looking down. 

“Of course Pretty Girl, take all the time you need.” Derek gave her a side hug, frowned at the anxious look in her eyes, and quickly sent out a wish that Spencer would remember this girl that they all loved so much soon. And then he went back to the room. 

And she was alone again. 

She was alone again, and she was going to stay alone. Spencer had been her person, had been her best friend for so long. She didn't know how to not feel lonely without him, didn't know how to get rid of the sinking feeling in her chest when he didn't know who she was. 

She felt like crying at the hopeless thoughts that entered her brain. She didn't want to do this, she didn't want to be there. 

She blinked back the stinging in her eyes. 

She needed to see him. 

She took a deep breath. A couple of days ago she’d still been worried he was going to die. Anything was better than him dying. This was better. This was fine. 

She knocked on the door, not wanting to scare any of the people in the room, not wanting to let herself turn around. 

Derek was the one who opened it. He gave her a sad smile, still noticing the anxiety that laid on her face, covering her entire body. 

She looked past him. 

Oh, god. 

She saw him. She saw his eyes- 

His eyes were wide, looking right into hers, they were the color she had missed, longed for, they were so familiar, so so familiar. They were her home. God, she hadn't seen his eyes, she hadn't seen him in weeks. It felt like a screen was being moved away from Spencer, that now he was awake she could finally see him. 

She gasped, unexplainable tears rolling down her cheeks. 

She wanted to run over to him, wanted to feel his warmth, to live in his scent, she wanted to be with him, she wanted the pain to go away, she just wanted to hold him. 

He was looking at her worriedly. His eyes were darting back and forth from her and Derek, he looked panicked like he wasn't quite sure what to do. 

Derek moved past her, resting his hand on her shoulder and squeezing it comfortingly. She’d forgotten he was there, too focused on the man in front of her. 

Derek cleared his throat, looking between the pair. “So Reid, this is Y/N.” 

She wiped her cheeks off, embarrassed that she had started crying, and gave him a wave. 

“Hello,” Spencer said, his voice raw from weeks of not talking, his tone worried still. 

She tried not to freak out at the sound of his voice. 

It still sounded the same. 

She laughed emotionlessly. She looked down at the floor. 

“Hey Spence-” she paused. Reminding herself. “-Spencer.” 

It was a minute of silence. When Y/N finally looked up, she saw how worried his eyes still looked, how concerned he seemed even though they had technically just met. 

She hated it. 

“Well..” Derek said, drawing out the word. “I’m going to let you guys introduce yourself’s. I need some coffee.” 

With that, he left the room. 

Leaving the two of them, together, alone, and uncomfortable. 

Eventually, Spencer spoke up. “It's um-” he cleared his throat. “It's nice to meet you.” 

Y/N laughed again. Surprising herself with the sound. She looked past him, out the window, wishing that she could disappear. 

She hated this. She hated that he didn't know her. She wanted to hug him. 

When she stayed silent, Spencer tried again. “I’m sorry I can't remember,” he whispered quietly. Almost ashamed of himself, almost like it was his fault that all of this was happening. 

She looked back at him. She knew that expression well. She felt like she could feel exactly what he was thinking. She was quick to stop it. 

“No. It's not your fault Spencer,” she reassured, stepping closer to him. “It's unfortunate. But it's not your fault. Please don't feel bad. It’ll only make me feel worse.” she whispered the last part quietly. 

Spencer looked back at her, searching her eyes, looking for answers. He’d been hoping that he would remember her as soon as he saw her. He was hoping her appearance, her eyes would set something off in his brain, hoping he would know the girl his friends had been telling him about. 

He didn't see anything except a colorless girl. Nothing except the tears she’d spilled for him. 

“I’m sorry,” he said again. 

She looked back at him. A frown on her face, one that felt like it would never go away, her eyes almost angry. “Why?” she asked. 

Spencer shook his head. She didn't need to know. She just needed to know he was sorry. 

He quickly asked her if she wanted to sit down. Looking for anything to fill the silence between them. She agreed, just so he would stop looking so guilty. 

They both sat there in the hospital room, silent. There was nothing either of them could say, nothing that would make the situation any better. 

And then they both spoke at the same time. 

“So how are you feeling-” 

“I want to remember you-” 

And then both of them looked shocked. Surprised that the other had something to say. 

Y/N was the first to speak up. 

“You want to remember me?” she asked, her mouth dropped down in disbelief. 

“I mean-” Spencer stuttered, her expression making him nervous. He had never been good with girls. “I want you to help me… remember you.” 

Y/N just stared at him. She hadn't been expecting anything from him. In fact, she’d been expecting a goodbye. She thought that after not knowing who she was, after not remembering why he fell in love with her, he wouldn't want to bother trying. Why try to bring back something that was gone?

She shouldn't have been surprised. Spencer always did the thing she least expected. 

Even this new version of him, the one that had no idea who she was. 

“You want to remember me?” She asked, in a whisper, her voice barely there. 

Spencer was quick to speak up this time. “Derek and Garica, they told me about you. They explained all the important details of our relationship…. In fact,” he laughed a little bit, remembering only a couple of hours ago. “It seemed like they were the ones in love with you.” 

Y/N gave another humorless chuckle, still shocked. 

“They made you seem amazing. I think you seem worth remembering,” he said, trying to get her to meet his eyes. Still looking for the spark, for the memory in his brain.

When she looked up, her eyes meeting his, he still found nothing. 

“You want to remember?” she asked again, just for clarification, just to be sure this was what he wanted. 

“If you are up to helping me?” he asked hopefully. 

And she thought of his expression earlier, thought of how worried, how concerned he had looked. She thought about all the years she had spent with him, the years she had never needed anything but him. She thought about the person she knew Spencer to be, and the person he had no idea she was.  

She nodded. Trying to find her voice. 

“Okay,” she said, her voice shaking as she tried to numb down the pain, the thought of having to remind Spencer who she was. 

Spencer smiled though, looking finally content since the moment she had walked in the room. “Okay,” he repeated after her. 

And looking into his eyes, she decided. 

At that moment she decided that Spencer was the most important thing. She didn't want to see him upset, she didn't want to see him uncomfortable, didn't want to see him worried, didn't want him to feel guilty for something he couldn't control. 

At that moment she decided she would be numb for him. She would not feel the pain, not feel anything. She would just help him. She would do it for him. 

She smiled then. 

An emotionless void. 

hehe see “the beginning” meaning this isn't the end. don't worry. 

my masterlist here.

[yongtxt]

hundred [johnny]

word count: 4.5k words

characters: boxer!johnny x doctor!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: blood/wound/stitches mentions, johnny hates hospitals but he likes the pretty doctor, [im not a doctor nor a boxer pls dont say that i have info wrong because I Know]

author’s note: i know this isnt long to some of u but to me it is and i havent written this much for so long im so proud of myself for finishing this:( it isnt that good but this is the first long fic ive written in a while and shhsdjk also i needed to get this out of my system ive thought about this au since that jcc came out where johnny and hyuck was doing muay thai plssss (i couldnt find a better gif tho) ok this is getting too long / feedback is appreciated tysm

Johnny Suh hated hospitals with a burning passion.

It wasn't from a past trauma nor was he afraid of it, it wasn't that serious. He wasn't exactly sure what the cause of it really was. If he had to make a guess, it was probably from the accumulation of the little things, the insignificant factors people would usually dismiss but bothered him enough that it contributed to the big hatred he built for hospitals.

Maybe it was the distinct smell of hospitals, it reeked of death and old people. Maybe it was the atmosphere of the fluorescent-lit hallways, always gloomy and heavy. Maybe it was also the fact that the fees were so expensive and yet the food they provide tasted horrible, even the coffee was a hit or miss. The only upside he could think of was people get better in hospitals, but even that wasn't assured.

Despite how much Johnny despised hospitals, he always finds himself coming back. If he wanted to get better, he had no choice but to go. He would endure the gruesome process over and over again whether it be to treat his wounds or to stitch his cuts.

With his jaw littered with small bruises and his lips busted at the corner, he sat impatiently on the hospital bed as he waited for his doctor. He was fiddling with his fingers, knuckles bruised the same way his face was. He looked beaten up, he always did.

The clothes he wore contradicted the state he was in, they were fresh and laid back. He looked like a college student from the way he dressed. A delinquent more like, if one considered his cuts and bruises. Before heading to the hospital, he always makes it a point to shower and make himself appear presentable to the public. Although no one really bothers to take notice of his effort, only him.

The sliding door opened and Johnny's attention shot up from his phone, his gaze meeting with yours. Your head popped in, peaking through the small crack you made. Your eyes lit up in recognition as it always did whenever you see him.

"Youngho-ssi?" You spoke almost as if it was a question, voice barely above a whisper to make sure you were in the correct room, about to tend the correct patient.

Johnny didn't understand why you always did that, call out his name as if this was the first time you were seeing him. At that point, you've been already acquainted with him enough due to his numerous trips to the hospital. Either way, he nods every time.

You gave him a small smile, widening the door enough so you could enter. You wore a white lab coat, a name tag pinned to your chest and a stethoscope hung around your neck. You were small, although anyone compared to him was bound to be comparatively smaller – that wasn't the point, you looked young and that never fails to astound him every time you go through the door.

You had a clipboard in your hands, scanning through what he assumed to be his condition that a nurse had written earlier after a quick checkup and disinfection of his open wound. Your lips were formed on a tight line, eyebrows furrowed. He continued to stare at you with such amusement.

"You don't have to answer my question, Youngho-ssi, but why are you always here?" You finally broke the silence, startling him in the slightest. You never bothered to ask before, always just offering smiles and small talks while you did your work; maybe his sudden regularity of coming to the hospital recently made your curiosity peaked.

He couldn't blame you. Anybody would be curious why a 24-year-old man keeps coming back to the hospital with no clear explanation.

He cleared his suddenly dry throat, he never liked saying his job. He said, "I box for a living."

"Ah, that makes sense!" Your eyes visibly glimmered, absentmindedly jotting down notes on his medical records. "My coworkers and I thought you were in a gang or something."

"I don't think I would be allowed to be here if I was." He chuckled, making you giggle as well.

"Seo Youngho, 24, minor lip laceration in need of immediate suture." You read of his data from the clipboard, almost comically. It was medical terms he was unfortunately already too familiar with, to him, it basically meant that he had a busted lip that needs to be sewed shut.

"You can just call me Johnny. Youngho sounds too formal to me." He said nonchalantly. You nodded your head to his simple request; it probably was best if you got to know him better since he frequented the hospital so much.

"Alright, Johnny. We'll start the process now, okay?"

With keen eyes, he watched you slip on a pair of surgical gloves. You grabbed a tissue from the metal tray that sat beside him and began folding it into squares. He felt his heartbeat quicken, he hated getting stitches or any form of medical treatments for that matter, but as morbid as it was, he thought of it as punishment for his recklessness in the ring.

"Isn't boxing just, I don't know, senseless violence?" You asked, tone dripping with pure innocence and unadulterated interest as you gently dabbed away the remaining dried blood the nurse failed to clean earlier.

"It's a sport, it's how I bring money to the table." He pursed his lips, ignoring the twinge of pain that surged through his nerves. He visibly relaxed when you placed a hand onto his shoulder to reassure him.

Ever since the first time you got assigned to him, the first thing he took note of was the softness of your hands. You handled him as if he was fragile glass, despite how he easily towered over you. He felt pathetic as a 24-year-old but your gentle touches would greatly help put him at ease.

"I guess. I didn't mean to be rude." You were hesitant, Johnny could tell but he was glad you didn't push on any further. He couldn't handle explaining his occupation when you were about to pierce his skin. "Okay, Johnny, now that your lip is clean and the anesthesia had seeped in, we'll start. I think you know how it goes by now."

"Make it quick, please." He nodded, squinting his eyes shut at the mere contact of a surgical pen grazing over his gaped lips. You were relieved that his cut wasn't too big, you couldn't stomach the idea of putting him in too much pain for longer.

As you picked up the tweezers and string of nylon, you couldn't help but laugh at the six-foot boxer in front of you who was clearly petrified of getting stitches, "This will be done as soon as you know it. You won't really feel it because of the anesthesia, remember? Now count to a hundred backward for me."

Once the numb feeling of nylon dragged through his lips, he swore he saw white spots flicker in his vision. His eyes immediately watered and he tried his best not to squirm under your hold, beginning to count to a hundred backward like you had instructed him to. You admitted it to him the first time you stitched him that it was a trick that you learned from your pediatrician friend. Despite it being for children, it helped to get him distracted while you focused on your job.

Minutes felt like hours, Johnny had been fighting the urge to punch something, anything, to release tension and nerves. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he took a peak and tried to take his attention away from what was currently happening on his lip. His gaze landed on your pretty eyes, how it was narrowed in focus and how your lashes perfectly framed it.

This wasn't the first time he'd observe you up close, there had been many occasions in the past that you had been too close for comfort in order to tend his wounds. It had been too many that it was almost as if he was close to memorizing your features. You were not only beautiful but you were also a smart and capable doctor.

Eventually, you finished and started to rub ointment on his sore lip — the finishing line.

"Try not to eat anything spicy or hard. You know the drill." You grinned at his suddenly pale features, ripping off your gloves as his eyes adjusted to the bright lights of the room. "You're good to go. Be careful next time."

He let out a shaky breath, clearly still winded up from the procedure, "I'll try. Thanks again, doc."

-

The punching bag felt great against Johnny's fists. There wasn't a feeling in the world that could compare to the impact of leather slamming against his skin. He could last hours mindlessly pummeling the bag if his stamina just allowed him to.

Hyunsik, Johnny's manager and personal trainer, drew away from the punching bag he held in between his arms. He let out a breath and held out a hand to motion that Johnny has done enough.

Johnny was hurting, Hyunsik could see that much. The bandages he had wrapped for the boxer's fingers were turning into a shade of red that they were all too familiar with.

Hyunsik clicked his tongue, "You should've used your gloves."

"How can I grow stronger if I keep relying on them?" Johnny rolled his eyes. His muscles needed a boost and this seemed to be the only logical way to strengthen them — a little blood never hurt anybody.

"Someday you're gonna fracture your hand and you'll be forced out of the ring. Remember that." Hyunsik huffed, his voice stern. "Take them off, I'll clean the blood off."

Johnny reluctantly did as told, unfurling the bandages wrapped around his fingers. The pain was excruciating when the fabric grazed along his tender skin, he winced at the unsightly view of his reopened wounds.

Hyunsik led him back outside of the ring to the benches where the first aid kit was. He made the boxer sit down so he could start cleaning off his wounds. It looked horrific, more so than it usually did and he had no choice but to break the news to Johnny.

"It looks really bad. You need to go get that checked in the hospital and have it sewed back." Hyunsik said, taking a wet towel and carefully dabbing it across Johnny's bloodied knuckles.

He didn't want to go to the hospital. Going to the hospital to have his wounds treated meant that Johnny would be medically required to take days off work to let his hand heal. Johnny frowned, "Don't you have an ointment or something that could help? I can't afford to lose a day of practice."

"Don't you think I know that?" Hyunsik rolled his eyes. "As your manager, I want you to be in top shape for your match next week, even if it means sacrificing a day or two for you to heal."

Johnny could only nod. He sat through Hyunsik's lecture on the changes he should make to his dietary plan and the exercises he should do during his temporary break. It infuriated him that he couldn't do anything about it but nod along.

The incoming match that was set next week would make or break his career as an underground boxer. He didn't have the option of missing it because of some measly reopened wounds. If he had to rest to get better, he had no choice but to suck it up. This was his fault anyway for pushing himself too much.

Johnny showered in the locker rooms and changed into nicer clothes that didn't reek of blood and sweat. His hands were stinging but he shook it off.

He ignored the concerned looks other boxers were giving him and begrudgingly made his way to the hospital to get himself checked in. You wouldn't be happy to see him all bloodied again, he thought.

-

Much to Johnny's surprise, it wasn't you who was assigned to him. It was a much older doctor with graying hair and a nose stuck too far up in the air. She was rude and condescending, her lack of politeness to her patients was quite appalling. If Johnny wasn't in such a bad mood, he might've complained already.

God, this day couldn't get any worse.

With a meek voice, Johnny asked where you were and at the mention of your name, his doctor gave him a narrowed look. She sneered, "She's handling much more important cases. Does she know you?"

"I think so." Johnny gulped, unsure of the answer himself.

The doctor's grip was tight and she was hasty. It was as if she was trying to speed through the process to just get it over with. Johnny wanted to cry because he was starting to get traumatized by this doctor's procedure, he didn't want to hate the hospital more than he already did.

He internally screamed for your name as he watched the doctor pull on the gloves. The sliding door harshly whipped open and there you were in all your glory, like an angel sent from above to save him from the devil incarnate who was about to pierce his skin.

You were panting and the sheen on your forehead made it obvious that you ran your way to his room. Johnny's heart leaped with glee.

"Unnie, I'll handle him." You said, unable to catch your breath as you made your way inside. "I think the ER needs you more than me."

The doctor seemed hesitant at first but you tried to convince her otherwise. She eventually agreed and left you with Johnny who had a cheesy smile on his face the entire time since you've arrived.

"So Johnny, what happened this time?" You asked, picking up the clipboard that sat next to him on the bed.

"I overdid the punching during training and it reopened some old wounds on my knuckles. It hurts like a bitch."

You pulled a face, "That's a bit intense."

He chuckled, "It's normal."

"Can I please see it?" You opened your palm so he could place his hand on yours. You observed his cuts and the scabs that were beginning to form around it, it was too deep to let it heal on its own so you made the verdict that he needed to get it sewed back together ⁠— as unfortunate as it was since he was a boxer and he needed his hands to box.

You tugged on a new pair of gloves and began the painful procedure, Johnny started counting down even without you instructing him to. You quickly got to work and stitched back his wounds with your lip in between your teeth

Johnny felt squeamish, he could never get used to the feeling of stitches. His eyes were glued shut and he mumbled numbers like it was mantra.

Once you were done, you smiled fondly at your work. You managed to get by with fewer stitches and you felt pride swell up in your chest. Johnny noticed and, as lightheaded as he was, couldn't help but smile as well.

"You're pretty good."

"At stitching?"

Johnny nodded with his cheeks flushed, he made a mental reminder to smack himself in the head later for such a crude comment. You probably thought he was an idiot now.

"I sure hope so." You chuckled, making him blush even deeper if that was even possible. "It's part of my job."

Johnny shook his head in embarrassment, his dark hair bouncing from how vigorously he did it. He mumbled, "That sounded really lame and not smooth, I'm sorry. Please forget I opened my mouth."

You could only chuckle as you apply the ointment around his knuckles. He wanted the ground to open up and just swallow him whole.

"Please let this heal completely, Johnny. Don't apply any strain on your injuries for a couple of days and refrain yourself from carrying anything heavy so that the stitches won't rip." You said, carefully placing down his hand back on his knee. You were gentle as ever, Johnny swooned. "Absolutely no punching for a while."

"I have an important match at the end of next week. Is there any way to speed up the healing process?" Johnny asked, his eyes were almost pleading at you and you blinked at him in surprise.

"Apart from what I just said, there's really nothing else you could do." You pursed your lips, watching his expression visibly deflate. "If you want to have even a sliver of a chance at winning your match, I suggest you do as I say. Your stitches won't take too long to heal, I promise."

If Hyunsik was there with him, he would've probably already scolded him but the point would be the same. He had always prioritized Johnny's health above winning.

"Okay, doc. I'll do my best." Johnny said, defeated.

"You know, I always see the aftermath of your matches and your training. I want to see you in the ring next time when you're not bloody and beaten up yet." You smiled at him and you swore that all the color that was previously drained from Johnny's face came rushing back. "If it's okay."

"Are you serious?" Johnny asked, almost dumbfounded. Did the pretty doctor he'd been crushing on for months really just asked if she could watch his match?

You nodded with the same hue of red now tainting your cheeks.

"O-Of course! It's on Saturday next week! Please come and cheer me on!" Like a little kid, he excitedly rambled on about the details about the upcoming match and you nodded with the same enthusiast as you wrapped bandages around his hands.

You weren't from his world so everything he said sounded foreign to you. The terms he said, the infamy of his opponents, the prominence of it all — you were eager to learn it if it meant seeing him this happy.

You've always known that he hated hospitals. It was clear from the way he acted during your first meeting. He was stiff and tense, the body language he exuded just screamed that he wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of there. As he visited the hospital more and more, you noticed the hatred never faltered. He only became better at hiding it from you.

To see him so relaxed and carefree within the four walls he hated with all his being, it was a breath of fresh air and the feeling you had in your chest grew stronger.

"You're good to go. I promise to see you in your match." You were jotting some last-minute details on the clipboard and you missed the way Johnny kept grinning like an idiot. "As much as I love seeing you here, I hate that you keep getting yourself injured. Keep out of trouble for me, Johnny."

You left the room without letting Johnny say another word.

Fuck, Johnny realized he hadn't asked for your number.

-

Johnny's match started in ten minutes. His heart was pounding in his ears, he almost couldn't hear what Hyunsik was shouting to him.

The underground stadium was filled to the brim with people, he felt more nervous than he did during his first boxing match. A lot was at stake for this win, he needed the belt. He was desperate for it.

"Johnny, are you listening to me?" Hyunsik raised his voice, aggressively slapping Johnny's cheeks together in his hands so he could focus on him. The boxer's mind was fleeting and it was his job to pull him back to reality now.

He hadn't seen you since last week and as much as he wanted to go back to the hospital to see you, he refused to badly hurt himself in the days that led up to the match. Johnny scanned the crowd for your face but he couldn't see it. You weren't there.

At the lack of your turnout, he failed to mask his disappointment. Hyunsik let out an aggravated groan and pulled the boxer on his feet to berate him further.

"Johnny, please for the love of all things holy, look me in the eye."

"I'm sorry. I'm okay now. I'm listening."

"Good because your match is starting soon and I need you to win this. All your hardships and sacrifices boils down to this match, you hear me?" Hyunsik bellowed, trying his best to keep his voice louder than the cries and chants of the audience. "Show them what Johnny Suh is capable of!"

Johnny nodded fervently, forcing himself into a state of serenity of peacefulness. He let out heavy breaths to even out his breathing as his team surrounded him, prepping him for what was about to come.

Hyunsik raised his hand at Johnny. He had five minutes left until his match started and he wasn't calming down.

"Can I please have some water?" Johnny asked and his medic stumbled on his feet to fetch him a bottle from the nearby cooler. He couldn't help but let out a shaky chuckle, his team seemed tenser than he was.

He downed the bottle as soon as it reached his hand. His hand was shaky. Goddammit, why was he so nervous?

At the corner of his eye, he saw Hyunsik making his way over to the barricade that separated his corner to the rest of the stadium. He arched his neck in a way that would let him take a peek what was so important that Hyunsik had to leave his side when the match was starting in a few minutes.

It seemed like Hyunsik was trying to stop a girl who was forcing her way in through the barricade. His stomach lurched at the sight of her familiar face.

As if he was acting purely on instinct, Johnny shot up from his seat and ran towards you. Hyunsik held up his arm to stop him from going any closer to you. You could've been a deranged fan, for all Hyunsik knows.

"Johnny-"

"I know her."

Hyunsik was startled at his response and started to profusely apologize to you. You looked nothing but smug and Johnny let out a breathy laugh that helped unravel the knots in his stomach. The boxer quietly motioned for him to take his leave and Hyunsik hesitantly did as told only after tapping his wrist as a sign that time was ticking.

You bowed at him apologetically, "I'm so sorry I'm late! There was this damn patient-"

"It's okay. You're here now." He cut you off, a cheesy smile on his face. You easily reciprocated it back.

"I just came down here to wish you good luck." You said with the usual confidence in your tone gone and now replaced with a sudden timidness and bashfulness. "Not like you need it or anything."

"Where are you sitting?" Johnny asked, noticing that you were struggling to keep your attention on his eyes. He peered down and realized that he didn't have a shirt on, he chuckled.

You pointed near the walls of the stadium and he strained his vision to see so far away. He pursed his lips and let out a noise of discontent. You said that it was the only seats available because you were so late.

"Why don't you sit here with them? They wouldn't mind." Johnny said, jutting his thumb over to his team who was furtively watching his interaction.

"Oh no, it's okay."

"I insist. I want you to see me win up close."

You blushed a deep shade of scarlet and Johnny grinned at his successful attempt at a flirt. Was it even a flirt or was it an ego stroke? Either way, it didn't matter because you were smiling at him. You were easing his nerves and you didn't even know.

"I got out of my shift early so I wouldn't be in the hospital later to stitch you up." You teased, softly prodding his shoulder blade.

Johnny playfully puffed out his chest, "I don't plan on getting too injured today, I wanna look cool in front of you."

"Whatever you say, Johnny."

"But I'm nervous. I'm actually really nervous today." Johnny mumbled as if he didn't want anyone else in on your conversation, gone all traces of his cockiness as his heart thudded erratically against his chest when he heard Hyunsik's call of the last minute until he has to go inside the ring.

You gingerly reached for his taped hands and gave it a gentle squeeze, "Just count back from a hundred like I always tell you to. You'll do fine."

"Wait for me after the match, okay?" And so you did.

Counting down the numbers, Johnny clambered inside the ring and the bell rang to signal the start of the match. Being in the medical field meant that you were against all forms of violence so you couldn't really watch the entirety of the match without feeling sick to your stomach. Johnny didn't care, he was just happy that you kept your promise and was cheering him on.

It was hectic and everything was happening all at once. It was loud and everybody was screaming. This wasn't your world, it was Johnny's and your heart fluttered at the thought that he was willing to let you in it.

Eventually, the match ended in Johnny's favor and the next thing you knew, you were being hoisted up in the air. You had the biggest smile on your face, similar to Johnny's who now had a shiny belt slung over his shoulder. All his hard work and all his trips to the hospital paid off.

"Congrats on your win!" You exclaimed, placing your palms on his chest to steady yourself.

"I wanted you to see me get the belt." He admittedly sheepishly, reaching out to hold your wrists in his bruised hands.

"Aren't you hurt in any way? We can drop by the hospital if you want." You asked, checking to see if he had any major injuries but true to his word, Johnny was inflicted little to no injuries during the match, exclude the few bruises on his jaw and a busted lip

"Actually, I'd rather we get some coffee instead." Johnny said, the small smile on his lips making you chuckle.

"I'm sorry, I don't date my patients." You smirked at Johnny's crestfallen expression, softly shoving his side to make it known that you were only joking.

Johnny pulled a face, releasing a breath he didn't realize he was holding once he realized your joke. He played along, "I think you can make me an exception, I don't usually invite people to my matches."

"So this is about getting even, huh?" You were teasing him and now your faces were merely inches apart but before Johnny could even think of leaning in, you spun around and grabbed his hand once more. "C'mon then, my treat!"

Johnny let out a laugh. A boxer and a doctor, who would've thought?