#but the doubt will never disappear
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once, someone (he doesn't even remember who), between their unnecessarily praising speech to mori, mentioned how much his bandaged executive and him are similar. dazai was zoned out the whole speech so this small, unconsidered statement felt like a punch in the gut and suddenly he became extremely nauseous. they went on with their nonsense, mori listened with a polite smile on his face and all dazai could focus on was suppressing his urge to puke right into the speakers mouth, all over this huge room of mori's and finally on mori himself. he visualized in his head how his vomit will choke the speaker and how it'll pour from mori's hair. the smell would be awful.
later on, he stared at his distorted reflection on a puddle. a breeze lifted his coat, he smiled slightly and a few seconds later he was bent over to empty his whole stomach. he never had to vocalize it because he already knew. but how come others realize it too? he felt himself full of something sticky and poisonous, melting everything inside him and re-shaping them. he swears if he were to scratch and scrape his skin until it bleeds he'll find him there. was it always that obvious? at some nights he dreams himself on top of mori's dead body; his neck sliced open with a lancet. but deep down he knows there won't be any difference. it's too late, mori could die, disappear even; he has already injected all his venom into dazai's veins.
and dazai could see himself taking the syringe from mori's hands, just to poison another soul, just to melt them completely and destroy what they had of a person once. he knew all of these.
but still, he never got used to hear them from others.
#tw#bsd#bungo stray dogs#dazai osamu#mori ougai#bsd dazai#when i saw his face in manga when higuchi said his blood is mafia black i felt like he is about to puke#or it's because mainly im projecting on him#but still- i know he feels awful when someone mentions mafia. someone mentions change. past. i know#i know the scene where he talks so casually with mori about returning to mafia he was trying not to puke#i know#anyways- anyways#he'll grow#he'll change. really#but the doubt will never disappear#i hate#una's bowl
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I have a DP x DC AU brainworm about Danny and Tim being long lost siblings (twins or otherwise).
Because both of them have faced evil future versions of themselves who've almost ended the world in some way through altering time. If Clockwork had been watching Danny's world-ending timelines, then who's to say he wouldn't keep tabs on Tim's as well?
Imagine that the brothers had to be temporarily separated at a young age to ensure a peaceful future. Danny had to be in Amity Park to gain his ghost powers and become the new Ghost King. Meanwhile, Tim had to stay in Gothem to become the new Robin, something he'd have been less likely to do if Danny stayed in his life.
However, their separation was only supposed to be temporary. What if both Dan and Future Tim were from futures where they never reunited as teens? Heck, what if both of them were from the SAME future?
The Nasty Burger explosion happened, Danny killed Vlad and absorbed his soul, and became Dan. Dan grew too powerful for the GIW to handle anymore, so the government tried reaching out to the Justice League. But oops! Future Tim already killed off and tore down that whole organization, meaning the world no longer had it's protectors to stop this new foe.
Though they were strangers, the future brothers unwittingly collaborated in sealing the world's fate.
Back to the present, the Observants wanted Clockwork to get rid of Danny and also Tim before that timeline came to pass. What they didn't understand was Clockwork's plan.
See, the Infinite Realms needed a new monarch to replace Pariah Dark, but not just anyone would do. In timelines outside of Dan's future, the U.S government would've started a war with the Infinite Realms anyway. One that would guarantee Earth's destruction and offset the balance of other realms near it.
The war is set to start in Amity Park, but the information blackout is preventing it's citizens from getting outside help. Mid-to-late teen Danny can't bring down the Anti Ecto Acts alone. He'd be struggling to keep the Realms beings from invading his home as it is. And the government's iron grip on the city makes it nearly impossible for news to get out to the masses.
Danny being the brother of a vigilante detective across the country is another story.
Batman's mentorship would give Tim the training needed to eventually track down his lost sibling. And through Red Robin's connections to the Justice League, Danny could get help overturning the Anti Ecto Acts while he keeps declarations of war at bay on his end. Danny and Tim's combined efforts could be what's keeping the world at peace instead of ending it.
Long story short: Clockwork kills two birds with one stone by uniting a pair of long lost brothers through the prevention of an interdimensional war.
#dc x dp#dpxdc#danny fenton#tim drake#danny and tim are brothers AU#I personally like the headcanon of Tim vaguely remembering Danny's presence in their early childhood before he just disappeared#and the Drake parents (out of grief or guilt) gaslit Tim into believing Danny never existed#They thought it was a white lie that would help him move past it#but it actually became an early contributer of his self-doubt growing up#Grieving the foggy memories of someone you're supposed to doubt the existence of#Never sharing this with anyone in fear of someone calling you crazy for it#(Fearing they might be right)#((That fear doubling after the Joker Jr. incident if we include that))#The need to gather and compile evidence supporting your thinking at a young age#because if the facts line up then that proves you know what you're talking about#Tim discovering he was right about his brother being real all along might not fix everything#but it'd probably be a relief at least
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mind boggling how sometimes time apart makes old wounds stop stinging and gives a chance at meeting old friends again but as a new person--and then sometimes time apart just gives you a chance to fucking breathe and realize you're far better off this way.
#something something its easier to see when you're indignant on someone else's behalf in a mirrored situation#anyway#my existence on the internet will never allow me the same anonymity as the people i've cut contact with#who can simply change a username to disappear#uncovered glass windows floor to ceiling#either I dance in time with the lights on at night like my feet have never felt blisters#or i smother the whole house in heavy curtains#i doubt it would convince one peering in that yes#it hurt but not as bad as I thought it would#life is anticlimactic that way#my glass house is mine and my sore feet are mine to put to bed and somehow it isn't even to spite you when I try the steps of a dance again#maybe you will see. maybe you won't. it won't matter in the end#sometimes it really is that simple to forget about ghosts pressed to the window
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if i were to post my writing (high school story/hollywood u), would you prefer it if i posted it directly on tumblr or would it be better if it were posted on ao3? or maybe, a third, less categorical option: should i crosspost it?
#i've never posted anything on ao3 so there's a learning curve to be beaten#high school story#hollywood u#this is extremely embarrassing to me#harley offered the less categorical option because i always forget i don’t need to do either/or#is anyone reading high school story prime fanfictions on ao3 in 2024. that’s where my doubt stems from#but also. maybe people prefer it for formatting reasons/it’s easier to read there. and i tend to write a lot of words!#so please answer and do not let me flop lest i disappear out of embarrassment
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Jimmy Japp bets Poirot he can’t solve a crime without leaving his flat. Very very confident he will win.
Jimmy Japp loses.
I love this story so much.
#japp really ought to know better#but he and Hastings never stop doubting poirot#they never learn#this throuple is so goofy and playful#they are always having a fun time#the disappearance of Mr Davenheim#agatha christie#poirot investigates#hercule poirot#james japp#Arthur Hastings
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believe it or not, i was going to make some with other characters but i have a favourite i am so sorry
#gus grav#bakugan#bakugan new vestroia#i saw the tweet in the first one a few months ago and it reminded me of gus so hard it restarted my hyperfixation#id tag the others but i would rather die than tag z*noheld#i can be serious. i just choose not to.#i also think im really really funny#i hate when ppl ask me my favourite character cuz i have to lie and say its someone normal and well known#and not gus#but i assure u. gus grav. is my favourite character ever. of all time. i think hes very interesting. no one is as big a fan of him as i am.#that will never change#anyway i think these are all accurate enough and if they're not. who cares. its for the funny.#im trying to get as much content done as possible before eventually the anxiety and self doubt take over and i disappear again
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got a post on my dash that was like only annoying nerds will like 73 yards. well. as an annoying nerd supreme.
#sorry i cannot fucking sleep so i decided to watch the new dw instead and you will hear about it before i disappear into the void again#LISTEN EVEN IF WE NEVER WILL GET ANSWERS TO WTF JUST HAPPENED (though i highly doubt that)#EMBRACE THE TERRIBLE WHIMSY OF THIS SEASON MAN#DREAM LOGIC! NIGHTMARE LOGIC! LITERALLY NEVER HAS A PIECE OF MEDIA ACCURATELY CAPTURED WHAT IT FEELS TO DREAM FOR ME#UNTIL THIS THANG#obviously the grander themes besides ruby’s heritage are just. utter chaos in form of the supernatural mixing in with the sci fi#like not that that isn’t absolutely buckwild sometimes. or most times. but i think this is a really cool direction to take.#but also like c’mon man. we are in doctor who. you simply cannot expect that you will get all of the answers for something in one episode#sometimes#such a weird complaint when i assume most people watched previous seasons where that also happens a lot#like yeah this one’s a lot more cryptic and mind fucker-y than usual but that’s the point goddammit#like don’t get me wrong it wasn’t perfect i definitely think the criticisms about the run time and that it should’ve been a 2 parter are#justified but the previous one? weird complaint imo. you can of course simply not like it but i am very into this.#my fave out of the season so far :P#oooh what a surprise the incomprehensible horrors fan liked the incomprehensible horrors episode. what a shocker#doctor who#sorry beegeethree and pathfinder gang
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was thinking about somethin somethin nicky "breaking up" with iris while slow dancing with her
#extra salt in the wound if it's the night ellie and trav surprise them with a makeshift date night#breaking up in quotations bc at this point they wouldn't really be established but It Would Be Obvious ya'know#idk I've been messing around with parts of iris's story again for funsies and wanted some change of scenery#so playing around with ideas#such as nick even if he does have real feelings for her beyond not necessarily wanting their partnership to end#he's incredibly aware he is never capable of being the partner she needs in the ways she'd really want#he doesn't doubt how much she loves him. he knows she does#he also knows how quickly and easily she would sacrifice herself desperately hoping that love would last#and he doesn't want to see her unhappy clinging to something. to him. when she deserves more. someone who can give her the life she wants#thinking about him. her in his arms. the shotgun blast to the heart. saying the first I love you while pushing her away at the same time#also really really really have been thinking up the chain of events that would lead up to her dropping everything and going back on the road#alone again for the first time in a long while#needed a catalyst for her just kinda ✨disappearing✨ for a long while and no one not even deeks can find her#travis trying desperately to contact her at her home base. but she's not there to answer the radio#and he starts trying to talk to her through dcr because he knows she's listening#his lil stumbly voice telling her how sorry he is for what happened. that he wants her to come home. that he's worried. that he misses her#rambling#miss ma'am iris is that you
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(bit of a dark meta post here but)
if i had to pick a single song to represent ruby rose as a character, it would be My R (specifically the version by annapantsu)
like... it's a song about a girl, who goes up to a rooftop with the intent of jumping off. When she's up there, she finds another girl preparing to do the same, and after hearing her out, actually manages to talk her out of it, while internally wondering why this girl could possibly think her reasons are better for this than her own. they both come down from the roof.
she goes up again another day, and the same scenario happens, and she feels the same about it again. but they both come down together.
this happens again and again, time after time, with so many people, and every single time she talks them out of it, coming down with them, then returning another day to find someone else. and every time there's a nagging feeling of, "would anyone do this for me if I got here first?"
until one day... there is no one else up there. she's up there, on her own, with nothing to stop her, and she immediately starts wrestling with her feelings, wondering if she actually wants to go through with it, and then deciding, Yes, she wants to.
now the ending of the song can be interpreted multiple ways, some less hopeful than others, but I think the one that applies best to ruby is that the girl suddenly sees herself in all of the people she's stopped before, suddenly essentially thinks "there doesn't need to be anyone to do this for me, I can do it myself, for myself" and.. turns around at the last second, leaving her plans to jump behind, and moving forward.
and on top of all of that, the song is extremely upbeat, and sounds very cheerful if you don't listen to the lyrics. Much like ruby, hiding her own fears behind a wall of optimism and hope that she shows to others, that makes her into such a beacon of light to everyone around her. To everyone but herself.
In the beginning of the series, she's a limitless source of hope and determination, fuelling herself and everyone around her onwards and upwards. Until volume 4. She desperately tried to never let on to anyone else, but the fall of beacon deeply affected her. When penny died, so did so much of ruby's trust in herself to be the hero. She still had her hope, and she still had her attitude of "let's do the best we can", but that very slowly started to be for everyone else's benefit, and that difference became more and more apparent as the show went on.
Volume 8 was the tipping point for her, and all of her hope and trust in herself was hinging on - A, protecting the relics. B, saving atlas. C, saving penny. and D, warning remnant enough to prepare them.
And then... they fell. And in the ever after, she had no way of knowing what was going on in their own world anymore, except what RWBYJ collectively knew already. And what did the group know as a whole? They had no idea whether B or D had succeeded, but they knew for a fact that A and C had failed. And so, with penny dying Again, so too did the rest of ruby's hope.
Volume 9 is her, up on the rooftop, with no one to stop her.
#suicide tw#rwby#rwby meta#ruby rose#i'll be honest. listening to the song i find it hard to interpret the ending that way. idk if that's just my brain but /shrug#it does feel very v9 c8/9/10 though#get ruby rose a therapist and a hug please#also if i'm 100% honest.#the ending of v9 did feel a little *too* optimistic for her. like i'm so glad she's okay!!#and the blacksmith undoubtedly helped her to realise she'd been holding herself to an impossible standard#and helped restore so much of her faith in herself!#im entirely happy with her returning the way she did and the way she went back to remnant ready to face the world again#but just. i really hope the show doesn't act like THAT MUCH guilt and fear and self-doubt and loathing#can just completely disappear after one therapy session. even if that session is being run by god herself#like it's not like i want her to get held down by it again. and definitely not to the same degree. that would just be like v9 never happene#she's grown from her time in the ever after and i fully believe she'll be able to make it through#but just. it has to still be there. it has to be acknowledged#crwby please don't act like ascension completely fixed ruby.#it helped her and it definitely helped enough that she won't fall back into the exact same feelings as throughout v9#but it has to be acknowledged.
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I did not realize that there were bonus songs until I went looking for lyrics lol, there is also one called "Friends Don't Lie" that could be about Byler (or Mlvn, hard to say).
I'm choosing to believe it's Byler (bc she said basement)
#also like it's talking about Will disappearing#and “I never doubted you” is CERTAINLY not mlvn#also “I won't leave you behind” “we could play video games forever”#FUCK ME UP#byler#anon asks
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This....semester is not.. going well so far
#my financial aid has disappeared since monday? i had grants from the state#and now i have 4k on my tuition bill#that if not paid in the next two hours#will drop me from my program#the office is of course closed at this hour#i got off work hours after it closed#my email wasn't working from Sunday until Tuesday Night on the WEEK OF THE SEMESTER STARTING#so i didnt see a TON of crucial emails#and the emails i Sent didnt go through#which means the people i needed to contact Never Got Anything I Sent#i was Supposed to start student teaching this week and i was Baffled by the lack of response by the teacher#guess he never heard from me#im starting my new job next tuesday and ofc didnt see anything from them until now either#wednesday i was in a jet lag fog but i went hard on stuff monday to prep for this and i wiffed#im So stressed and So upset#like ive had my trip tickets since September#i wasnt gonna back out of this#but even if i had i doubt it'd had made much difference#i really might be dropped from this semester im so#fuck#up to something#if shit hits the fan im gonna call my program director and cry on her shoulder a little bit#OH and my credit card double dipped on my bill this month and overdrafted my checking account so thats fun
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I just joined Tik tok again after like an year or smth cuz I wanted to find more edits of my fave shows and for my friends to be able to send my tim tons easier etc etc that’s not my point.
I noticed that the Ninjago community there hates Euphrasia WAYY too much 😭😭 and it’s getting very fucking annoying 💀💀
LIKE 😭😭 Why are are they calling her a “pick me girl” 😭😭 WHAT DID SHE EVEN DO💀💀 Everyone just pissed that “she’s replacing Morro” and it’s so annoying cuz- Morro fucking died 💀 it’s over 😭😭 look I dunno if when he died again he went to the departed realm or just disappears out of the phase of the earth but he wasn’t gonna keep his power anyways 😭😭 that’s just how it works 🦭..and if the case is that he went to the departed realm and there’s a chance for him to come back- then ok??? He’ll come back without his elemental power??? 😭 But then again I really doubt he would come back and y’all r simply gonna have to deal w that. Iike when an elemental master dies their power goes to someone else period. You can’t expect him to keep that damn power forever 😭😭 and it makes much more sense since it’s a new series- new generation of elemental masters. It’s not that surprising that they decided to find a new Wind master.
AND STOP CALLING HER PICK ME WHY DOES EVERYONE CALL HER PICK ME GIRL😭😭 srs what did she even do other than exist and just have morros “ex” elemental power😟
#plus they always end up being morro edits w intros basically shitting on Euphrasia and the edits are fire but damn y’all just ruin it by#shitting in another character 😭#like at this point I don’t even know what to say#it’s like one of those very obvious things that’s just hard to explain cuz its so obvious#like just cuz Euphrasia has his power now doesn’t mean he will NEVER come back and is gone for eternity#it’s just his power jeez😭 Ray and Maya still exist without their elemental powers WE KNOW THIS#And even if they didn’t introduce Euphrasia…I doubt he would come back anyways?? like isnt he dead DEAD??#like at the same time I don’t think they would of ever brought him back#I DUNNI REALLY - SOMEONE TELL ME😭😭#because I don’t know if when he died as a ghost he went to the departed realm or if all those ghosts just freaking disappeared out of the#phase of the earth#but still#stop complaining. stop hating on Euphrasia 😭 she did nothing wrong.#-and suck it up because shit changes and things will not always remain the same#period 😭#I really don’t wanna be rude liek I love morro too but it really pisses me off the amount of hate I see on tik tok 😟 it doesn’t surprised#me it’s just so annoying. they’re criticizing a character over NOTHING. it’s time to STOP😭😭#Ninjago#morro Ninjago#Ninjago dragons rising#ninjago euphrasia#Euphrasia#Tik Tok
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closed // she has thoughts // @nat-muses
⸺ ❝ 𝗦𝗢 𝗜𝗙 𝗪𝗘'𝗥𝗘 𝗧𝗥𝗬𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗧𝗢 𝗚𝗘𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗗𝗘𝗣𝗢𝗦𝗜𝗧 𝗕𝗔𝗖𝗞 when we go back to the states . . . does that mean we shouldn't tell them about the four animals and child that will have been living here with us ? or is your magic carpet cleaner gonna be able to fix the claw marks in the baseboard next to the stairs . . . ❞
#୧ ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ › nat-muses › ⌗ emma and caleb .#୧ ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ no thing so sure that i can’t learn to doubt it ⌗ main verse .#୧ ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ greatest fears and wringing hands and the loudest silence ⌗ threads .#୧ ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ let’s pretend we never met so i can disappear a moment ⌗ queue .
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tag drop part two .
#tag drop .#𓂅 ♡ .・ 📸 ✩ ° 。 ⋆ love comes and goes but the big black dog he trails along ⌗ my gifs .#𓂅 ♡ .・ 📸 ✩ ° 。 ⋆ so when my thoughts take off may i breathe deep ⌗ ooc .#𓂅 ♡ .・ 📸 ✩ ° 。 ⋆ got a paper and pen and a page with no space ⌗ open starter .#𓂅 ♡ .・ 📸 ✩ ° 。 ⋆ just moved to the city hope the noise drowns out the regret ⌗ playlist .#𓂅 ♡ .・ 📸 ✩ ° 。 ⋆ so pack up your car ; put a hand on your heart ⌗ promo .#𓂅 ♡ .・ 📸 ✩ ° 。 ⋆ let’s pretend we never met so i can disappear a moment ⌗ queue .#𓂅 ♡ .・ 📸 ✩ ° 。 ⋆ i’ll love you when the oceans dry ; i’ll love you when the rivers freeze ⌗ save .#𓂅 ♡ .・ 📸 ✩ ° 。 ⋆ do you remember drinking in the parking lot by the trailhead ⌗ scrapbook .#𓂅 ♡ .・ 📸 ✩ ° 。 ⋆ say whatever you feel ; be wherever you are ⌗ self promo .#𓂅 ♡ .・ 📸 ✩ ° 。 ⋆ jack white prophetic on my speakers we were going to be friends ⌗ starter call .#𓂅 ♡ .・ 📸 ✩ ° 。 ⋆ greatest fears and wringing hands and the loudest silence ⌗ threads .#𓂅 ♡ .・ 📸 ✩ ° 。 ⋆ in love with being noticed and afraid of being seen ⌗ visage .#𓂅 ♡ .・ 📸 ✩ ° 。 ⋆ dirt roads named after high school friends’ grandfathers ⌗ wanted plot .#𓂅 ♡ .・ 📸 ✩ ° 。 ⋆ no thing so sure that i can’t learn to doubt it ⌗ main verse .
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AITA for divorcing my vampire husband because he lied to me about his human job?
I (542 vampire) and my husband (260 vampire) have been together for a little over two centuries. There’s a saying in the vampiric community that it takes a century for a tryst to become an enduring partnership and another century to become soulmates. I thought that was true and that Matthew (using his real name because fuck you, Matthew) and I would be together forever…until this week.
First, let me explain a few things to the mortals here. I don’t mean that negatively – I came here specifically to get the opinion of those with a finite lifespan. However, I want to be fair to Matthew as much as possible and some of his decisions are very immortal-minded.
Both Matthew and I are vampires who have chosen to forsake some of our powers in exchange for the ability to daywalk. We made the transition together on our 100th anniversary almost 115 years ago. It wasn’t an easy transition for me. I was very dependent on human blood and I spent the first twenty years in almost constant sleep as my body adjusted to running off of less lunar magic and more solar magic.
It really felt like I was losing everything. My body got physically weaker and my powers began to disappear one by one. It felt like every time I woke, another part of me was missing. One day I could turn into a wolf, the next I could barely turn into a vapor. I could command a legion of undying servants, and then I could barely convince the mailman he didn’t see me levitate down from the second floor.
Matthew, however, took to daywalking like a werewolf to a sheep farm. He barely seemed to feel the pain of losing his power, maybe because he was so much younger than me. Whatever the case, he was out all the time once he stabilized. He would be gone for days sometimes and when he came back it was with fantastic stories about the humans’ new inventions or the new structures being built in whatever town we were in.
I’m not saying I regret transitioning. Just that Matthew and I had very different experiences. It felt like he barely changed at all while my entire being got rewritten. Being immortal makes you comfortable in your own skin. I never doubted myself or my power after I turned 100. But becoming a daywalker made me feel like I was being born as a human again. It was humiliating and vulnerable. I have to admit there were times I resented how easily Matthew did it. I blamed him for not supporting me like I thought he should. I would daydream about draining a human in front of him, showing him what I thought of his fascination with them. I had all sorts of vile and vengeful thoughts. I’m not proud of the person I was and now I’m grateful Matthew wasn’t there to see the lows I sunk to.
Despite all my awful thoughts, I didn’t quit. I don’t know why, but I didn’t. I stuck with it and, day by day, things got easier.
After 26 years I began to stabilize. The benefits of being a daywalker slowly blossomed before me. Now I can say that I am completely happy with my daywalker status and all the changes it’s brought.
I am the most mentally stable I have been since my Turning in 1482. It’s like I’m awake. The fits of rage that used to consume me for months at a time have completely disappeared. I don’t experience the same level of obsession I used to which has freed up a lot of my time that I used to spend stalking my victims.
However, that drastic of a change would be challenging in any relationship. Matthew and I ended up together because of my obsessive nature. Our relationship became strained when that part of me went dormant. He expected me to follow his immersion into the human world just as I had followed him in his revenge quest against his Master. He expected me to support him wholeheartedly and with everything I was. He wanted sacrifices from me that I used to not even flinch at before making. But something was just…different. We wanted different things. I wanted different things.
Matthew was obsessed with being the perfect human. He craved full immersion. He still makes it a point to get a human job every twenty years or so. Me? I’m happy to live off our investments and some mild mind control while enjoying the art and theater community the humans have evolved.
It got bad. Some years, we spent like ghosts in our own house, drifting by each other without a glance. Other years, it was like we were spies behind enemy lines. He would do whatever he could to thwart me and I would go out of my way to ridicule him. Our vitriol poisoned the earth. Matthew didn’t speak to me for a full decade when that poison killed off an entire town.
About twenty years ago, it all came to a head. We had a serious sit-down talk about our relationship. It wasn’t easy. What they say about teaching an old dog new tricks is sometimes true. Matthew wanted me to be as involved with the humans as he was. He wanted me to care about them like he did. I wanted him to travel with me like we used to and not just hop from town to neighboring town (which he did to maintain a human identity with references so he could keep working). When it became clear that we were at an impasse, I brought up the idea of separation.
Separating in the vampiric world isn’t easy. There are a lot of alliances and blood oaths to be considered. Over the two centuries we spent together, we became known as a unit to a number of supernatural entities that we maintain an uneasy truce with. Separating would mean creating new oaths and alliances with the same individuals. And there was no guarantee that those individuals would make new pacts with both of you. A LOT of vampire couples end up in blood feuds while separating. Neither of us wanted that.
There was also, of course, the emotional side of things. While a lot of immortals tend to only feel muted emotions (especially vampires as old as me), Daywalking had made both of us more sensitive than we’d been before. We were both attached to the memories we shared and neither of us could imagine life without the other. After 200 years together, it felt like Matthew was my right arm, and I his. When I brought up separation, we both felt it like we were discussing an amputation.
After about a year of talking, we finally reached an agreement. We didn’t want to separate, and so we would compromise. I wouldn’t interfere with any of Matthew’s human jobs for the 15-17 years if he could hold them without arousing suspicion. In exchange, he would take a year off to go traveling with me before finding another town for us to live in. In between my trips, he would go to plays and galas with me to enjoy human artistry at least once a month.
Maybe our deal was in his favor. At the time, it felt practical and fair. A year of traveling wouldn’t undo Matthew’s string of connections. We would still see each other frequently by going on dates that I liked. Matthew would get to stay immersed in the human world at the level he wanted, and I could stay within my comfort zone.
Which brings me to my current problem.
We are currently at the start of one of Matthew’s work cycles. He’s been everything from a fireman to a politician to a subway worker to a barista. He craves knowledge and connection to a terrifying degree. If it weren’t for how we move every 20 years and he goes without protest, I’d call it obsession.
This cycle, Matthew told me he was going to be a teacher. I was hesitant. While the humans have become more tolerant and less violent over the years, that doesn’t mean they will tolerate us near their young. Enough humans know about vampires that staking in the modern era is a real possibility. Matthew could incite an angry mob against us or, heaven forbid, get a vampire hunter on our tail. I have yet to be shot, but I hear that they have silver bullets that hurt like Hell.
When I voiced my protests, Matthew reminded me about our agreement. He said that I wouldn’t interfere with his jobs and he’d go to all the plays I liked. He even pointed out that, as a teacher, he could get us into high school plays and expositions. I was uneasy, but agreements are penultimate to immortals. I silenced my objections and let him get a job as a science teacher at a local high school.
When Michael has had jobs in the past, I’ve never really paid attention. One time he was a state senator for ten years and I never even heard him speak. I didn’t consider it worth my time to hear whatever his facsimile of a human would say. Real humanity is in the art they create, not in the parody Michael enacts.
But this one…I couldn’t ignore this one. Maybe it was because I was still uneasy about his proximity to human young or maybe I could sense his lies even at the beginning. Whatever the case, I watched him.
The first thing I noticed was the hours. He would go to work early and would often come home when it was time for us to sleep. When I asked him about it, he said that he wasn’t used to grading and that he had underestimated what it took to put a good lesson plan together. I visited some online forums and that’s apparently reasonable for first year teachers.
He would also sometimes go in on the weekends. He missed one of our dates because there was a “grading emergency” that needed his immediate attention. Something about a student’s test getting lost and then found and he needed to input their grade before the deadline which was on Saturday. Humans like silly rules like that so I didn’t even look that one up. I just reminded him that he couldn’t miss our dates again or else he was breaking our deal. He apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again.
Then about three months into his new job, the phone calls started. We have a private room in our house for when we need to talk without any visitors overhearing. Michael moved all his school supplies in there, saying that he needed a silent space to concentrate on his grading. Whenever he got a call, he would never answer it in front of me. Instead, he’d say “Sorry, work” and just go into his office.
I also noticed that he didn’t dress very professionally. Human fashion changes quickly so it didn’t register at first. A sweatshirt here and there slipped past me, and also the Gucci slides. When he started wearing baggy jeans and jerseys to work, I noticed. I may not be up to date on all the newest fashions, but I do go to classy events. I know what a slob looks like and it didn’t sit right with me that he was wearing that to school. When I asked him about it, he always had an excuse. “This is what everyone wears” and “It’s a theme day” or, bafflingly, “It’s spirit week!”
I tried to leave it alone. The reason we have stayed together for so long is because of our agreement to not interfere in each other’s lives. But between his hours, the phone calls, and his appearance, something didn’t add up.
Then, last Thursday, he missed another one of our dates. We were supposed to go to the Nutcracker together. Even though I prefer matinees (when the cast is fresh), I agreed to get us tickets for the evening show so that he wouldn’t have to leave work early. When he wasn’t there at 7pm, I called him and he didn’t answer. Then, when I called him again, his phone was switched off.
I was furious. I spend nearly two decades in these tiny towns so he can live his human fantasy and he can’t even show up for one two hour show? It was the first time since becoming a daywalker that I felt that angry. I was scared about what I might do, so I made myself go home to wait for him.
Only, he never came home that night. At 3am, he sent me a text apologizing and promising to make up our date on Saturday. But the Nutcracker was only playing until Friday and that would be too little, too late. To be honest, it already was. I texted him that and he never responded.
He never ended up coming home last weekend. I texted and called him probably a dozen times and he never responded. I got angrier and angrier as the days dragged by. Did he think I was someone to be taken lightly? Did he not realize that the fragile agreement between us was all that was keeping us from separation?
Yesterday (Monday), I couldn’t take it anymore. If he wasn’t going to come home or respond to my messages, then I would go to him. If he was so obsessed with this new job that he would ignore me for it, then I knew exactly where to find him.
I arrived at his school at 10am. I researched enough to know how to go to the office and sign myself in. I asked the office assistant which room Mr. Duetto was in.
The lovely young woman looked confused. “I’m sorry, but I can’t give that information out to anyone but family,” she said.
“I am his only family,” I said.
She clicked a few more keys and looked more confused. “His paperwork only shows his mother, Delilah Duetto.”
That’s right. His mother. But I still didn’t understand then.
“That’s me,” I said.
“You are not the mother of 17-year-old.”
“I’m his wife,” I said.
She was upset by that. I won’t bore you with every detail, but I had to alter her memories so she wouldn’t call the police. I may not look like someone who has a teenager, but I also don’t look like a teenager. I ended up having to alter her memories so she wouldn’t call human CPS on an apparent adult swearing she was married to a minor.
I went home and broke into his office. There weren’t any lesson plans. There were no graded papers. There were syllabus from different classes, homework with his name on it, and a few polaroids taped to the bottom of his desk of him at a party with children.
Human children. I don’t honestly know which is worse.
(EDIT: I know the child part is the worst part. I misspoke because of my anger. It’s not the humans’ fault that my husband is a pervert.)
I broke into his laptop and used that to check his text messages. He’s been texting like a high schooler. He’s been to parties with them, listened to their problems and even fabricated a few of his own. He’s caught in some sort of weird love triangle where a freshman girl likes him but his “best friend” likes her. He has texted both of them about it, promising his “bro” that nothing is happening and then turning around and leading this girl-child on.
Some choice quotes: I should know better than to get close with you. You and I come from very different worlds
To which she replied, lol maybe we should let our worlds collide
!!!!
I find the entire situation disgusting. Matthew is several centuries older than them and he definitely knows better. He’s literally wearing the sheep’s fleece amongst the flock. He has no business forming relationships with human children and even less pretending to be one of them. He’s not a baby. He is over two centuries old!
What is he doing flirting with a child? It’s vile and disgusting and I was set to kill him for it.
I confronted him about it when he came home last night. I told him that he was sick and dangerous and if he loved humans then he needed to stop immediately. I told him we either left town today or I would make sure he never set foot back in that school in a way he really wouldn’t like.
He threw a huge tantrum over my invading his privacy. He shouted at me that I had broken my promise to never interfere in his job. He called me controlling and crazy.
I told him he was the crazy one for chatting up a child. He told me he wasn’t, she was just his friend. I asked him to read their texts out loud if he was being so friendly. I also pointed out that there was no way a 260-year-old vampire is a child’s friend.
He told me I was a hypocrite because I basically cradle robbed him (we’re almost 300 years apart.) He said if anyone was disgusting, it was me for taking advantage of him.
I pointed out that he wasn’t a child, he was over 60 and had already been a vampire for four decades. He argued that that was basically being a child in vampire terms.
I was so angry at that point that the house was shaking. I told him if he felt that way, then we could get divorced right then and there. That that was what I wanted to do anyway because I couldn’t be married to a pedophile.
He asked me if I was seriously going to start a blood feud over him immersing himself in human society. I said no, I’m starting a blood feud because he’s become every predatory stereotype humans have of vampires.
He called me a hypocrite again and told me he was leaving. He said not to call him unless I was ready to apologize. I told him that the next time he sees me, he’d better run before I showed him the real difference between us. And it wasn’t just 300 years.
When I calmed down, doubt started creeping in. From an immortal perspective, what he’s doing isn’t really wrong. I hate to say it, but most immortals don’t view human lives as significant. I know a few vampires who would say that divorcing because he’s playing with his food is idiotic.
Plus, there’s the agreement to consider. During our fight, Matthew pointed out that being a student is a job to humans. So therefore I didn’t have the right to interfere. A big part of me thinks that’s bullshit, but a small part of me wonders if he’s maybe right about that?
I also have to ask myself why this even bothers me. I’m the one in the relationship that is aloof from humans. I’m the one that’s always saying we are from different worlds (Yeah, he stole that from me) and for good reason.
But over the years, I’ve become fond of humans. No immortal makes art like them. I may not remember my time as a mortal, but there are works that give me a sense of nostalgia. Sometimes I think I can remember being a child myself, standing in a field like in Monet painting, staring at the wheatstacks and waiting for the miller to come.
The thought of Matthew playing with them makes me sick. It’s like even after all the years of him living amongst them, he thinks of them as props in his twisted play. It’s even worse that he’s doing this to children.
I can’t help but think something went really wrong with my husband when I wasn’t looking. At the very least, I’m planning on divorcing him. But would I be the asshole if I killed him too?
Separating from him will be violent and messy. There will likely be human casualties. But I don’t see any other way. So, I ask.
AITA for divorcing my husband for lying to me about his human job?
----
Thanks for reading! I loved answering some of the responses I got when I first posted this over on my Patreon (X)!
These collaborative story telling pieces are the highlight of my week. Next week's story is about a witch who wants to know if she should attend her high school reunion even though she's responsible for stripping two former classmates of their magic...
Please check that out here (X) if you''d like early access! Otherwise I'll see y'all next week :)
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good evening i totally didnt disappear for months haha idk what ur talking about
#okay for realsies im sowwyyyyy#i didnt actually intend to disappear for months#tbh my epilepsy and anxiety got a teensy tiny bit a lot worse and i couldn't gather up the courage to post anything#and THEN i felt mildly embarrassed about indulging in my childhood interests as a grown adult#which is something id never judge anyone else for im just overly critical on myself#i didnt actually lose interest in bakugan really i have a tone of wips but idk if ill finish them bc a LOT are months old#like basically all my wips are bakugan themed but i doubt they'll get finished bc theres abt 130 of them#they're all up on my clip studio paint rn id have to go through all of them. and thats a lot#i might have something done maybe soon??? im not sure how good it'd be#i guess im back-ish then??#i HAVE technically been using tumblr all this time but literally only to search up fanart for viddy games#THE MAIN THING THAT SORTA MOTIVATED ME TO COME BACK WAS A FANFIC THO#read like a garden wants a poppy on ao3 if u like spectragus or want nv from gus' perspective#or just want a rlly good fic#it changed my life for the best PLEASE read it#anyway byesies im gonna reread it for the 1839483rd time#ILL BE BACK#oh also i turned 22 like a week and a half ago lets gooo#ALSO THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO FOLLOWED ME AND LIKED MY POSTS WHILE I WAS GONE ILY 💕💕💕
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