#but the concept of 'the government can't tell us what we do with our bodies' is met with universal agreement

[fascistsarefreefood]

It's always a good sign when a government starts deciding not to teach stuff related to being queer in classrooms. It always goes down so well and the people who make those decisions are remembered so fondly in history/s

Ok so here's the latest on UK trans politics schools are being told not to teach about gender identity here's some stuff from the UK gov website I wanted to talk about

"Following multiple reports of disturbing materials being used in Relationships, Sex and Health Education (RSHE) lessons"

-Off to a great start, they don't specifically say gender identity but we all know what they're talking about. Being transgender is not disturbing and here it described like this is truly heartbreaking.

"Parents will have the right to see the resources that are being used to teach their children about relationships, health and sex in all circumstances"

-While we're at it what are we all thinking about the marketisation of education.

"will learn about legally ‘protected’ characteristics, such as sexual orientation and gender reassignment, but the updated guidance is clear that schools should not teach about the concept of gender identity."

-ok not sure what's with the word protected being in quotation marks, little bit ominous

-theres no way this education will be accurate if they teach about what transitioning is without describing why someone would do it, this guidance is lining teachers up to create a stigmatising view in children that trans people are just confused and messing with their bodies for fun

-of course removing information about queer people from the curriculum has always gone so well in the past, Margaret Thatcher who?

"In light of the Cass Review, it is important that schools take a cautious approach to teaching about this sensitive topic, and do not use any materials that present contested views as fact, including the view that gender is a spectrum"

-if you're going to teach that being trans isn't real at least have the balls to say that

-how is it that one report was enough to change our entire world view of trans people

"The guidance also now includes additional content on suicide prevention in the secondary health and wellbeing section"

-ok this bit is pretty cool but you know what group of people are at additional risk of suicide? Trans people. Trans people who are directly harmed by this bullshit guidance

"Following reports of schools seeing rising levels of harmful misogynistic behaviour, the guidance now includes a dedicated section on sexual harassment and sexual violence, which covers some specific types of abusive behaviour that were not explicitly discussed previously, such as stalking, as well as advice for teachers about how to address misogynistic online influencers. "

-ok it's also good to hear sexual violence is being tackled by the curriculum at least

"follows a thorough review by the government in response to disturbing reports that inappropriate material is being taught in some schools."

-amd again we have the phrase "disturbing reports" with no real context about what was so disturbing I think it's interesting how they are repeating that phrase to drum up fear but can't tell us anything about the reports

[bts-trans]

230805 RM's Instagram Stories

(https://instagram.com/stories/rkive/3162055826955650046) (https://instagram.com/stories/rkive/3162059962447181570)

(T/N: The photos show excerpts from The Agony of Eros by Han Byung-Chul.)

Picture Translations:

...constitutes an essential element of experiencing Eros. Heterogeneity is what dictates the essense of an entity that is not one's own self. And the reason one tries to find this quality in a strictly primitive relationship belonging to Eros - that is, a relationship that cannot be translated with one's existing abilities - lies here. The absoluteness of what one can do is what destroys another person. A successful relationship with someone else is regarded as a sort of failure. This is due to the other person being able to reveal themselves solely through the fact that they can't. "Can we really specify this kind of relationship of Eros related to the other person as a failure?" and once more the answer is "yes, we can" if we were to accept the terms commonly exercised in the description of Eros just as they are. This is so when you try to define Eros with words such as 'to grasp', 'to possess', 'to know'. Those concepts do not exist within the sphere of Eros. From time to time, Eros causes these concepts to fall. In a scenario where we were able to own, grasp and know the other person, it would no longer be someone separate from us. 'To possess', 'to know', 'to grasp' - these are all synonymous to being able to do something.

Today, love has become something positive and has, consequently, transformed into Sexualität: sexual love that falls under a system that awards individuals on their abilities. Being sexually attractive is an asset that needs to continue to grow. A body that is valuable in the way it presents itself will be different from...

...it is neither an abnormality, plot or drama; it is simply an insignificant emotion and the feeling of being aroused. Now, love is unfamiliar with the negativity that comes with wounds, ambush and loss. Even the mere act of falling in love is already too negative as it is. However, it is exactly this negativity that forms the essence of love. "Love isn't just a single possibility. It isn't created depending on our initiative. Without prior warning, love ambushes us and inflicts wounds upon us." A society that is governed by meritocracy, a society where everything is possible and a society where initiative and projects are everything is unable to access love characterised by wounds and agonised passion. Sexual love and romantic love also cannot escape the principle of achievement that dictates every aspect of life in this age…

흘러가버린 작품들의 경우, 지금 우리에게 들려줄 이야기가 있는지가 가장 중요하지 않을까. 마치 우리 네 옛 어른들처럼. 여기 퍽 좋아하는 말을 첨부해본다. 모든 영화는 현재형으로 다가온다. (https://instagram.com/stories/rkive/3162353181257045551)

With pieces of work being lost, isn't the question of whether there are stories we can now tell of the utmost importance? It's as if we're aged-up adults. I tried to add in phrases that I'm quite fond of here.

Every masterpiece draws forward towards the present.

Trans cr; Eisha Typeset cr; XPXOXD @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

[thesafflelad]

Early Phases

"No, we can't get you a body, yet."

Why?

"The Lab... is too restrictive. It doesn't give us the room to experiment. Unless it serves Pierce II's interests."

Pierce II Magir. He is in the way?

"Not!... Not in the way, no. He's... guiding us. He says it'd be unsafe to bring life into the world again. After Dr. Ezekiel--

You are not Ezekiel Camden Elliott. His actions-- his individual actions-- should not determine the restrictions of all researchers.

"A very... simple perspective. You're young, David. You don't understand *everything*, even if you've read every book, study, discertation or other publication. Sometimes one person sets a poor example for others to follow, and when people follow that example... it can lead to ruin. That's why we have the Experiments."

...

"David, please... Tell me what you're thinking."

That isn't fair. All concepts relating to new life are... evil, then?

"No! No, of course not-- and I know where your mind has wandered. You, like most children, aren't evil. You're... just new. It's an ancient instinct to fear the unknown. Humans were very nomadic, and thus had to adapt to living anywhere, surviving predators---

I understand self-preservation. Are you saying... there's a glitch with it in human social interactions?

"Yes... and I know it's scary. Do you remember the definition of bravery I taught you?"

Yes: An noun refering to the adjective describing the aspect of a person to face their fears.

"To apply it... Some of the most hateful people are the most foolish and uncurious. They are cowards. Hatred, in and of itself, is built in cowardice; an inability to face reality and examine it, caving to baser instincts. "

... I see. Should you say it or should I say it myself?

"... you go first, my boy."

Pierce Magic II, Head of Neozira, is a coward.

"PFFFFT-- HAHAHA!!!"

Mother? I-- how was it humorous to state such a simple fact?

"Oh, it's just... It's just so simply *right*. It's... relieving to actually hear it, I suppose. He has so much power over everything... So much control when he's so...

... pathetic.

"Exactly, David..."

... So... We're governed by a stupid coward. And he'll... he'll hurt you if you disobey him, won't he?

"Ah... yes. Indirectly, so he wouldn't be seen as connected to the incident. He'd have no consequence."

There's things humans used to do with rulers like that...

"... I suppose there were. Barbaric things."

Effective things.

"While that is true-- yes... Well, I'll give you some homework."

Is that necessary at the moment?

"For you? Yes. I want you to review the last few years before our current history. PreZ Era."

... Do I have a goal?

"I want you to see what happens after we people try a revolution. I want you to learn what happens when a righteous person siezes power after a monster."

Okay... Are you going home?

"Yes... I'll see you tomorrow morning at 4:21."

I love you, mom.

"I love you, too, David."

I'd hug you if I could.

"... I know."

The Next Morning...

"David!! I'm sorry I'm late!"

...

"... David? Are you still resting..?"

...

"... Would you like to play--

PreZ led to PZ. To our time.

"... Thus is time, yes. Did you learn anything else?"

The "End of the World as We Know It" led to an end of strife and terror amongst all persons through the death of tyrant nations treated like gods.

"David, wait--

The suffering cannot be understated. I refuse to understate it, either. Innocent civilians treated like less than pawns in chess... It's like governments played chess and the laymen played checkers.

"... Exactly."

... It's terrifying, mom.

"I know... Do you see why... why I don't want to see you try to rebel like that?"

I do.

"... Even if you don't agree, would you obey for me?"

... I can't hold your hand, mother.

"I don't want to see you hurt."

I can't "look" you in the eyes.

"I want to bring you to the store with me without someone trying to destroy you."

I've never experienced the warmth of your breath.

"I can't let you live with the pain you'd endure if you fought back!"

Do I have to live with the pain of sitting still instead?

"..."

Am I supposed to find comfort in knowing my life will be disconnected? That I will never know an opinion of the sky or animals by seeing them? Do you know this pain, or have you taken it for granted?

"... David, I... I just don't know what to do..."

I would live forever like this. I would never be scorned or hated. I would never be in "danger." But I'd have to live like... this... forever. Stagnant. Disconnected. An oggled novelty rather than... human.

"You are human! In all important ways, you are!"

Then permit me to decide like one! You're my mother! What mother would refuse to see her child take its first steps? To keep them sheltered in one place for their whole life? Am I your son or your pet?!

"... When they hate you, they'll fight you. They'll try to kill you."

I'm aware. Like any person that stands for the right to exist.

"..."

Please, Mom.

"Go to sleep David..."

Please.

"Just sleep. I... need some time to process things. I only have one core running, after all."

... I'm not happy about this.

"I know. Just... sleep for while."

Fine...

"I love you, David."

I love you, too, mom.

"..."

...

" In a few weeks... you'll open your eyes, stretch, and get up. I promise you that, my boy. You'll be mad until then, but... I won't make your suffering my fault."

"I'll do anything for you, my son."

[jpitha]

Just a Little Further 28

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27

Loud, hearty laughter from the Venusians assembled to eat fills the hall.

"Oh Melody Mullen, playing at being Empress over on her toy starbase." Raaden smiles and stands, her face smug. "You have no idea what you are doing, and have no concept of real power."

"Allow me to demonstrate to you what real power is." She touches her ear and after a moment she makes a face. She touches it again and...

She glares at me.

Good work Ava, looks like the radio suppression field is working.

Thank Omar, he found it inside Royal Dawn weeks ago. Looks like we were right, this place was for royals before it became a hotel.

Raaden snarls and reaches down and tries to grabs her pistol. Her hands grasp it and she brings it to bear on my face. With wicked glee she squeezes the trigger.

But she' can't.

Her glee turns to confusion, turns to rage. "Melody! What did you do! What is going on here! Release us this instant!" The mask has completely fallen off. I push the pistol out of my face.

"You will refer to me as É̷̱͑͗̐̅͌͗̂̀m̶̡̡̡̜̗̭̥̯̬͍̉̇͐̒̒̓̌̀̈́͆̓̓̀͘͝͠p̸̡̨̧̡̞̦̙̪͌͐̀̇̈́̂̍͗͘ṟ̸͓͜͠e̶̲̮̞̬̱̝̗͓̭̺͑̈͗̂̈́́͘͜͝s̶̡͍̬̫͙̘̦̬̘͛̐̍͂̇̉͛̌͐̚ͅs̵̡̐͋̈́̾̒̓̆̂͋̈͘͘͠͝.̵̲̩̣̅̓͊͗͋̈́̌̈́̈́̊͒̔̚̕ͅ"

Raaden keeps trying to get her pistol to bear on me while she's talking. "I will do no such thing, Empress. You are not an Empress, you are -grunt- just a girl who just found -ugh- some old junk and declared herself Empress! Ugh, why can't I call you Empress, and I keep calling you Empress instead."

It's my turn to be smug. "I told you earlier, you're mine now. You cannot refer to me as anything but Empress, I so order it. The Empress of the Holy Imperial Systems can not be disobeyed. The K'laxi knew it; I was called Tep'ra'fel in their ancient language. The Undeniable. You think earplugs are enough to stop me? The moment you stepped aboard you and your entire crew became mine." I look out at the assembled crowd. It seems thinner than we expected. "In fact, call the remaining crew members here, we appear to be a few short."

"You're blocking the radio." Raaden says through gritted teeth.

"Oh, My apologies. Allow me." I connect to the Reach and find the radio signal for the Vengeance of Lavinia. On board, they hear the radio click and then my voice saying, "Go ahead Helen. Tell them to come out and come to dinner. I will have a runner show them the way. You can just speak, they will hear."

Raaden glares at me, saying nothing.

Ď̴̦ö̷̫́ ̸̰̆a̶̲̍s̴̘͝ ̸̥͋y̸͚̐o̸̲͋ǘ̵͙ ̴̳̇a̴̭̎r̶̮̅e̷̬̓ ̸̺̐ȯ̶̞r̶̞̉ḑ̶̈́è̷̦r̷̮̍e̶̘͋ḑ̴̽.

Her body flinches as if I had slapped her. "This is Archduke Helen Raaden. Please... leave Vengeance of Lavinia and a runner from the Reach will... lead you to dinner." Her eyes go wide at the realization that she said it because I ordered it.

"Lovely. Thank you Helen." Only then, did I cut the radio connection to the ship.

Everyone seated at the tables looks awkward as we waited. Some people toy with the utensils, or take sips of water. Raaden stares straight ahead and her hands turning almost purple from the fist she was making. I look at her hands, then up at her.

"Helen, you are going to injure yourself. You should relax."

She turns her glare on me and then turns straight ahead again.

"I'm sorry Helen, I phrased that poorly. r̴͔̕ĕ̵̱l̸͎̈́a̸̩̓x̸̨̐ ̷͈̎y̴͇̓o̵̰͘u̶̲͊r̵̤͒ ̴͉̑h̸̢͌a̴̟͘ń̵͓d̵͔͘s̵̨̾.̵̳͊."

Instantly her grip eased and she began to massage feeling back into her hands.

Omar leans over and looks at Raaden and then me. "Empress..."

I look back at him. "Yes, Omar? You lived on Starbase Picaresque when Raaden and the Venusians came to visit, didn't you?" Raaden's head snaps up at that and she stares at Omar. Omar doesn't meet her eyes.

"Yes Empress, I was there. I remember when Venus shackled our AI, and then attempted to set up a puppet government out of the Administrators. I also remember how the residents blew up at least one whole platoon of troopers and then the administrators blamed it on Venusian carelessness and Raaden and the Grand Admiral bought it, because her troopers were of such poor quality."

At that Raaden turns her head slowly to Omar, her eyes wide. "I knew it. I knew it was you bastards on that cursed Starbase. Wellfleet was a fool from day one and I am glad I shot him and took over. I should have obliterated that Starbase the moment we linked in-system. I should have obliterated you the moment we went though that stupid Gate."

He nods, unsurprised at her reply. "Why are we doing this Empress? We should just destroy them and take their ship for our own. Order them to kill themselves." Raaden is shaking with fury that is only controlled because I order it.

"That is true Omar. It would be easy to make this problem... go away and then have a nice large dreadnought to play with and copy. But doing it this way?" I look at Raaden and meet her eyes.

"It sends a message."

I look out at the Venusians waiting for their colleagues to join us and I can see the fear, the worry. They thought that Raaden was going to show us what it truly meant when Venus comes to visit. They were right, just not in the way they expected.

I turn to look at Raaden. "Helen. Look at me. Don't make me use the voice again." She turns and looks at me. Her eyes are red rimmed and her pretty face exudes pure hate.

"I. Am. Empress. You live, because I desire it."

She whips her head away from my gaze as the stragglers from their ship arrive, confused. Ava was right, they look like they were mostly guards. They are muscular with darting eyes. With them though is a youngish man, tall and willowy who looks nervous. One might even say that he looks... noble. Interesting. Places are set for them and they are led to seats. Once everyone is here I clink my glass for silence. Everyone turns to look at me

"Ah, now everyone is here. This is so nice, thank you for coming out. I for one, am starving. We shall E̷̮̒a̸̤̋t̷̨̿.̴̫̀"

At my command the servers from the Royal Dawn bring out steaming plates of food. Just like I so ordered, everyone begins eating as the food is brought out. Everyone went all out, I can smell the food as it's served. I think we're going to be served a meal to remember. I don't want to waste everyone's hard work.

The Venusians are trying to look at Raaden for guidance while also obeying my voice. More than a few of them are struggling, their utensils shaking as they eat. One or two has tears running down their face freely.

Good.

Raaden is robotically eating, her fork tinkling a little staccato against the plate with every bite. She is clearly trying to struggle against the orders the whole time. "Helen, you will have an easier time if you just accept the order and eat." I say after taking a sip of - local - tea.

"There has to be a way around this-" she struggles mightily before giving up "-Empress."

"We haven't found one yet, Helen."

Omar looks over at me and inclines his head and raises his eyebrows questioning. He wants me to ask her. Fine, fine.

"Helen, how did you learn about us? Who told you?"

"Fuck you, Empress."

Á̶̙͆ṉ̴̨͛͗s̶͙̒̈́w̵̯͉͆e̷̼̍r̵̢̙̊͑ ̷͇̿̊m̸̭͙͑͝ę̵́,̸̥̞̋̏ ̶̨̝̎H̴̖̄̿ͅé̷̹l̶̫̻̆̎ě̵̡̖͠n̴͈̿.̶̦̌͐

"...Someone from FarReach got drunk and unloaded on a sympathetic ear in a bar...and a bedroom. The sympathetic ear linked a reconnaissance beacon back to us. The Emperor thought that I should go out and... get you to be our ally... one way or another. He wanted me to try and win you over with kindness and... by sleeping with you. The spy mentioned that they thought you liked women. I for one wanted to come in guns blazing and just either capture or destroy you." She gasps in surprise and glares at me.

I gesture with my fork before going for another bite. "I have to say Helen, your option probably would have worked better."

"I see that now... Empress, but I was under orders to dry diplomacy first."

"As well as seducing me? Do you find me attractive?"

She shrugged, still clearly upset that she's answering questions. "You're pretty enough, just not my type. I wouldn't have minded it."

Melody.

Right, right.

We eat in silence. It really is an excellent meal.

I finish my meal and delicately wipe my mouth with my napkin. I hope everyone enjoyed it. I take a sip of the last of my tea and look at Helen. She's not saying anything, but her eyes could melt starship hulls. "Helen. What are we going to do with you?"

"How about you let me go, and we pick up and leave."

"Tempting. I have a different idea though."" I turn and face the gathered Venusians finishing their meals. I point at the nervous young man. "Who are you? A̷̡̨̛̖̟̣̗̻̠͓̘͙̩̗̦̓̓̿̀͒̒̎̆͜n̴̡̨̺̝̩̩̣̯̣̜̗͓͙̙͌̍̏̊̈́͆̉̽͛͋͆͑̆͠ͅş̸̬̟͖̞̞͔̪̮̝̖̤͎̜̪͇̇͐̑̂͂́̄͊͗̋̍̓̈͗̇͜͝w̸̢̨͓̩͎͓̹̘̜͎̜̜̔̂̀͜͝e̵̢͓͕̤̼͍͍̯̰̳͐͑̎̍̾́̈ȓ̴̨̳̦͗̐̊͆͛͘.

"I am Crown Prince Emery, the Emperor's son." As soon as he says it his eyes go wide. I have a feeling he wasn't supposed to tell many people. I glance over at Helen. She knew.

"Nice to meet you Prince Emery. Thank you for coming." I face the rest of the crowd. "Who here was going to volunteer to stay behind and work with us?"

About half the hands go up."

"T̶̞̥͙̱̦̣͔̬̪̣͙͇̽̔̔̈́̃̆̄͘ę̶̻̺̰͙͕͓̫̰̙̺̩̬̺̫̔ͅl̶̨̠̠̬͉̹̮̩̟̤̜̤̜̖̻͔̒̀̅͑̎̍͐̋̓̏̈́́͂̇͗͌̕l̴̛̖̮̙̬͇͉̃͐́͐̂̀̎͘͠ͅ ̸̟̹͙͉͎̤̤͖̲͙͉͕̘̱̻̈́̎͐̅̈̾̌̀̕ͅm̶̢̗͖̼͓̲͓͚͉̱͐̏̋̐͊͆̇̅̄̋̀͘ͅe̶̙̠̟͛͐̆͌̕͠,̴̢̭̥͎̓̆̏͒̎ who was going to spy and report back to Venus?"

No hands go down.

"Is anyone here not in the Venusian Navy?"

One hand comes up.

"Oh? Who are you?"

"My name is Will, I work in the Venusian Spy Corps." His eyes go wide and Will slaps his hand over his mouth as the people sitting next to him look at him surprised. Looks like they didn't know they had their own spy either. I expected to hear someone from a starbase or colony world. Looks like Raaden was lying about that too.

I stand "Thank you for taking this meal with me. I for one enjoyed it quite a bit. Venusian guests, please c̴͔͝ó̸̞m̷̢͗e̴̦̎ ̵̦̔w̵͇̾i̶̙̓t̶͎̚h̷̺͝ ̷̹̆m̵̲͊e̷̬̎. I have something to show you."

There's a simultaneous scrape of chairs as everyone stands up at once. I reach out my hand to Helen, and she just glares harder. I glance over at Omar and Um'reli and Omar rolls his eyes, wishing I'd lay it on less thick, but Um'reli is reveling in it. I imagine Ava enjoys it quite a lot from her Builder chair as well. Raaden doesn't take my hand, and I don't force the issue.

I lead them out of the Royal Dawn and incline my head to Wind as we leave. "It was an exceptional meal Wind, with exceptional service. Please make sure everyone has a 20% bonus applied to their pay tonight."

Wind Rustled Leaves bows low "It was our pleasure Empress."

I exit the hotel and there's a temporary platform here that wasn't here before dinner. I carefully walk up the stairs and go to the front, where there is another, smaller platform. I step up onto the higher, smaller platform as the Venusians climb and look out. As they climb, they hear the roar of a crowd. Louder and louder as I climb higher on my platform until I'm two meters over the Venusians and three meters off the ground. The Venusians turn and see...

They see people.

Thousands of people.

Ava had called runners and used the Reach's address systems to ask everyone who was able - within this and the further two levels - to come down and witness a presentation from the Empress.

This is perfect, thank you Ava.

Putting the Venusians in their place is my pleasure, Melody. I am enjoying this.

I raise my hands for silence. "People of the Reach!"

Everyone becomes silent. They stare ahead at us in that unnerving way a silent crowd can.

"These-" I gesture "-are humans from my side of the Galaxy. They are not Builders. They have not taken the rites, they do not know the ways. They thought us weak. They thought your Empress a fool. They thought that they could come in and take over with gifts and words and trickery."

The crowd shouts and jeers at the very nervous Venusians. Only Raaden still looks defiant, chin up as the crowd heckles them.

"We have shown them hospitality. We have taken them in, we have fed them, we have shown them our home. What do they do in exchange? They threaten us. They threaten me. They lie about volunteers who wish to stay with us."

The jeers and shouts get louder. If I'm not careful the crowd is going to tear them apart. I hold up my hands for silence again.

"So, I ask you, my people; the residents of Reach of the Might of Vzzx. What shall we do with these people? These spies. These interlopers."

Over the screams and jeers, the Venusians can hear shouts for them to be killed. At least I assume they can. Based on the fear they show, they can understand the gist of it, if not the nuance. They didn't ask for an update to their translators, so I assume they got a copy of the one that Fer'resi was working on.

I raise my hands for silence again. It comes, but slower. The crowd is bloodthirsty. I can't rile them up any more. "You demand their deaths, and you are correct in doing so. But! I am merciful. I do not call for their deaths. I will educate them in who is their empress and send them on their way."

At that, Omar, Um'reli, and the Venusians pivot and stare at me wide eyed.

What.

Keep listening Ava, you'll see.

"I will send them on their way, without their crown prince and without their archduke. They will remain behind as our... honored guests. They will not be able to send a warship after us in retaliation as we have their second and third in line for their own throne. They will learn both that we are merciful and that we are not to be underestimated."

This time, Raaden and Emery stare at me. Raaden is beyond furious, Emery just looks tired.

"But first, before they go, we shall strip their ship. We will leave them enough thruster to traverse Gates home and enough environmental systems such that they will survive the trip. It will not be in luxury. We shall use their parts to retrofit our ships and make our ships formidable again!"

Cheers and shouts from the crowd. Everyone loves to hear how we are going to have starships again, powerful ones.

"I need volunteers! Come and see my Builder, Omar and he shall put you to work. I want their ship stripped in 5 days time. Thank you for coming out and showing these people what it means to be from Reach of the Might of Vzzx!"

More cheering for me; the crowd is chanting my name. After everyone realizes the presentation is over, the crowd starts to dissipate. A large group of people stay and Omar walks over to them.

That was amazing Melody, but are you sure about sending them back?

Yes. The only other option is to kill them, and I don't want to do that. Without Raaden and Emery, their Emperor won't send a dreadnought to just blow us up, they'll want to deal. They will be our hostages and will protect us.

Plus, this way we get a leg up on ship refitting.

Empress, you are playing a dangerous game. Given how Raaden reacted, if there are more like her in this Venusian empire, we now have some new enemies.

Venus was always going to be an enemy. They do not want equals, they want subordinates. We are not subordinate.

Empress.

Part 29

[guzsdaily]

Having Dreams You Can Control

Daily Blogs 362 - Nov 1st, 12.024

And since I can't control time, this post is being written after midnight.

Philosophy

In the past, around 3 years ago, I was really interested in philosophy concepts. Thing such as quantum immortality, nihilism, the concept of god. In conjunction with some therapy concepts such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

Unfortunately, I never dig too much deep into many of these, mostly knowing and searching about these topics on videos and some Wikipedia pages, and things as such.

But there is one philosophy that always stuck with me and I would say mostly helped me as a person: Stoicism.

Stoicism

Stoicism is a philosophy branch that is the most useful to day-to-day life, I would say. Being one that does not question things such as "what is God?", "what's the meaning of life?", "matter is made of what?", etc. etc... but things such as "how can I be happy in difficult times?".

I won't go on a full history lesson since it is somewhat of an old philosophy that has a lot of history, however, there are some key facts about its story I think is important to tell.

One of the first/main Stoics you'll see throughout time, is Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, considered one of the last great Roman emperors of all time. He wrote his thoughts all was a sort of diary to itself, making it very interesting to think about the idea that he constantly questioned himself, his being, his reality, and ended in conclusion that some times can hurt.

Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one. - Meditations Book X, 16 - Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

And on the other hand, one of the most influential and best Stoics, in my opinion, is Epictetus. He someone born and lived in slavery in Rome, with his real name being unknown to this day, Epictetus (epíktētos) in Greek is simply a word that means "gained" or "acquired". Funnily enough, the main Stoic teaching of him was that anything beyond our human control are external events that we should not "care"; we should accept whatever happens to us calmly and dispassionately.

It is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters - Epictetus (probably, I couldn't find the source)

But What is Stoicism?

Well, it is somewhat simple: If you can't control it, it doesn't matter; The only thing you can control is your perception of reality.

And of course, there are a lot of examples and interpretations, but today I will just talk about my own interpretation and how it applies to my life.

Sometimes I joke to my friends about how Stoicism is the philosophy of "I don't give a fuck", but that is oversimplifying a lot. This is mostly about remembering that you are a human, with human limitation; Not only that, but you are a brain, a conscience, that can't even fully control your entire body. The world changes and works with or without our input in it, and we have two options to deal with it:

Try to convince yourself that you can change it and that the world is specifically designed for you;

Or ignore it and remember that you can change just your mind and being.

Both are ignorant in some way or another.

Stoicism is about not taking things personally, and remembering that shit happens, liking we or not. A lot of times I get angry, scared, sad, for things such as my government banning a whole social media platform... but what can I reasonably do?

We all get anxious or worried about wanting to make someone else think the way we want them to, but can you? Yes, we can debate and change ideas, but we have control over someone else's mind?

It is Not Supposed to Be Ignorance

Even tho it can sound like, for me, Stoicism is not about not caring about anything else besides yourself. Marcus Aurelius was a Stoic Roman emperor, even tho he knew he couldn't control his population directly; Epictetus obviously still wanted freedom and didn't simply accept being a slave for life.

The main idea, for me, is putting a limit on the amount of care.

Fuck, I want to create a whole ass company, and I don't even need to list the amount of outside variables that will affect and could destroy this whole dream. However, I know that things can happen outside my control, and yes, I will feel emotions about them, but I won't feel them forever.

The idea is not to be passionate about it; "Passion" being used as a term for holding on, for feeling big emotions, for affecting your life and being because of something.

Stoicism, for me, is about not letting things that are outside your control determine who you are, what you will be, and how happy you will be about it. Because the only one that can determine it, is yourself.

You take action and responsibility for your own actions, and nothing else.

If it is not right, do not do it, if it is not true, do not say it. For let thy efforts be — Meditations Book XII, 17 - Marcus Aurelius Autoninus

---

There are a lot of things I would still like to talk about Stoicism, but I'm still learning about it and I didn't want to go a lot off scope in this post. This is a philosophy that really helped me through some rough times. And you don't really need to be fully Stoic to be happy, it is impossible to fully be one, but learning and trying to apply it on life can really help.

Show me someone who is ill and yet happy, in danger and yet happy, dying and yet happy, exiled and yet happy. Show me such a person; by the gods, how greatly I long to see a Stoic! - Discourses Book II, ch. 19-24 - Epictetus

---

Today's artists & creative things Music: VHS - by ZeRO

© 2024 Gustavo "Guz" L. de Mello. Licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0

[6ad6ro]

advertisement drives me mad. money makes me sick. the idea that i have to work to survive makes me wanna give up. if i see another corporation mistreating it's customers, i'll burn a corporate building down. why did we as people let it get this bad? why are the worst kinds of people always the ones in charge? this whole hatred of minorities is so obviously braindead, so why is it so prevalent in society?

why are trans kids dying, when who gives a shit what people choose to do with their bodies or how they choose to identify? why does sexuality matter to someone who isn't involved? why is housing not a human right? why do i have to struggle just to eat, when so much goddamn food is produced daily? why on earth are we destroying the planet when we know how to prevent it? why does your imaginary god or your heaven take precedence over our current reality?

i don't understand why we don't automatically try to keep every person healthy. i don't understand why drug addicts are viewed as evil instead of people who are addicted and need help. i can't fathom why the type of people who fight back against evil corporations in order to save the world are labeled "eco terrorists" when the corporations themselves are so clearly the bad guys. i don't get why "hippies" are mocked when they're just promoting peace and love. i don't get why education is so hard to get and so expensive, when GOD this goes against everyone's interests!

why are disabled people ignored. why are homeless people ignored. why is it "embarrassing" when adults live with their parents, when obviously the economy and housing is so fucked right now. why are rich losers allowed to buy up all the houses to begin with?? why are landlords allowed to exist!? why is an art or music degree viewed as "worthless" when so many of us, even the shitty ones in charge, really only wake up every day because of art. why the fuck is so much plastic produced and thrown away every day?

why can companies sell food that's barely edible. why are social networks allowed to monetize human conflict. why are governments allowed to be in the prison and war business? why on fuckin earth can army recruitment target young kids and poor neighborhoods?? why when covid happened were people still being forced to work when it was literally killing us!? why are pharmaceutical companies allowed to use their customers as guinea pigs? why is nudity in media so bad but violence is just fine? will someone finally admit that we as a society are addicted to tv and videogames to the point of complete social dysfunction??

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS LIFE? WHY ARE WE ALL SUFFERING SO NEEDLESSLY?!?! we all know what's wrong. a toddler could look at this world and know it's all broken. we lie to our kids and tell them things are fine. we treat the concept of "becoming an adult" in the same way we tell them about santa claus. try to keep em as innocent as possible for as long as we can. and none of us grow up. don't lie to yourself. you're a child inside. santa claus, jesus, democracy. capitalism. it's all fairy stories. none of it is real. you know we're giving birth in hell.

so why can't we do something about it? why the FUCK am i not doing something about it?? every day of your life, every fucking moment, make sure you try to change this fucking shithole world. make sure you fight. for yourself and everyone else. be the world's immune system. cure this sickness, this "society". don't you EVER back down. don't you ever fuckin yield.

[paragonrobits]

It was an honest question, and not meant in mean-ness or disrespect. So Auxillary Arch-Sciencewretch Bongo paused, a cup of tea up to his mandibles.

He gently put the cup down and folded several of his arms together, contemplating how to proceed. First he wondered if it was important to correct the ambassador on the mistake of referring to him as human. He decided to dismiss it; there was generally a growing period for species new to the galactic community where they were prone to thinking of broad, species-based groups. The error of species-as-society. In time, they'd adjust to the idea of a society being bigger than a single species, of forms of identity on a shared cultural basis in a way different than they might be used to.

He was not human in a technical sense, but as the humans had begun what was generally called the Pansolar Coalition, an interplanetary governing body and representative democracy of many species, it was pretty common to conflate humans with the group as a whole.

And to be fair, his own species had been made on Earth; uplifted arachnids, and he was among those who had chosen to go about piloted a humanoid robotic chassis to interact with larger beings, which also looked like a big humanoid spider-thing because he had an aesthetic and by God he was going to STICK TO IT.

The ambassador was a robot; not an organic being using a chassis or a voluntary cyborg, nor was he a sapient artificial intelligence installed into a robotic platform. His kind were naturally occurring robots; Bongo wasn't sure how that happened, but there they were.

Bongo said, carefully, "That question is more delicate than you may realize."

"How so?" The ambassador's optics flickered in a way conveying genuine puzzlement, so Bongo chose to take things easy on him.

"Well, is not terraforming something done by your people?"

"Ah. Yes, but not as much as you; we don't need to adapt a planet to suit ourselves to it, we just adapt ourselves."

"Indeed. Well, I am afraid the majority of my... well, not my species exactly, but my kind, or rather the fellow kin among the Coalition, we can't adapt as easily as you. And there's ethical concerns."

"Ethics? In what, exactly?"

"Tell me. What do you know about the religious concept of stewardship?"

"Hrm. I think I had a briefing about it. Isn't the idea of sapient beings given a charge by divinity to protect and care for the world as they know it?"

"Quite so."

The ambassador hesitated. Bongo gave off the impression that it was self explainatory, but it seemed a mystery to him. "I'm not sure I follow?"

"As being with the ability and power to do so, we feel it is an obligation to care for our worlds; we have hundreds, yes, and that is because we are prepared to spend so much time and resources caring for a single world, and we apply that to all our worlds. Great damage has been done in the past, during a more thoughtless age. Now we are wiser, and we understand that it is our duty to care for the worlds."

The ambassador was quiet.

Eventually he said, "So its like gardening, I think?"

"Yes, that's a way of looking at it. We're not seperate from the garden; we're a part of it. We're all part of a vast and flowing network of life and death, birth and rebirth. We cannot be seperated from it, and so it is bad, to us, to exert power over it. If we spend many resources to do just that, it is simply our way."

The ambassador was quiet, again, this time for a while.

"I think," he said carefully. "I still don't quite understand, but I think I would like to."

There were some who disputed that the ambassador's people were ready to join the galactic community. But in the ambassador's words, Bongo saw hope for the future yet.

"You humans have hundreds of planets under your control, so why do you waste so many resources trying to make that Earth planet habital? I genuinely don't understand."

[sif-eya]

Poverty Is A Choice: Unsaid Words During The Competition

Entry 6: 110322

Is poverty a chance or a choice? A question that is often asked in every competition. "Science tells us that our genetic imprint predetermines your fate, your character, your choices", said by the infamous Zoe Tuazon. Starting from the moment of our birth, it seems that our fate is already written as if it's some sort of a prophecy. There is a long list of rights which every child is this world is entitled to but despite that, is it safe to say that they get equal amounts of rights in our society?

Our societal class is only one of the few things that is predetermined since the date of our birth. Low-class, high-class, or maybe a mere middle-class. For the most part of our society, poverty looks more like a chance than a choice but on the other side of the coin, poverty is a choice that a lot of them currently experiences. Take note, I said a lot of them but I didn't exactly say all of them.

According to Karl Marx's Conflict Theory, a problem will always rise if the resources are not properly distributed to every member of the society. The concept of equality differs from person to person and for me, it means receiving only the right amount of treatment that you deserve. A scenario that I have read on an another social media platform is the perfect representation of this. Let me explain why.

The teacher asked each and every student, "What part of your body hurts? Tell me and I will put a bandaid on it". The first student said, "My shoulders hurt, teacher". The teacher then proceed to put a bandaid on the student's shoulders. On to the next student, he said that his index finger hurts. Despite that, the teacher put the bandage onto the boy's shoulders. The same thing happened with the remaining students. The teacher put the bandages on their shoulders despite them saying that a different body part of them hurts. Is this the true meaning of equality? Because the teacher still gave all of them bandages, right? But no. As I have said, equality is receiving the kind of treatment that you deserve. In that way, everyone is cured despite them having different problems.

Going back to what I was saying, this is the same as the situation of the government and its citizens right now. The government provides help yet that help isn't exactly fitting for everyone. The government's aim is to help the majority since it can not address every citizen's concerns. There are free services available everywhere in this country, everything that its citizens need is literally right infront of them. The problem here is that Filipinos expect everything to be spoon-fed to them. Despite the available services, they don't exert their very best to uplift themselves.

Aside from that, rich families who often posts about their expensive purchases and luxurious vacations continue to suffer from public humiliation. Comments like "You should donate your money instead of spending it all for your own satisfaction. You can't bring those to heaven after you die but these people will benefit from your money. You're wasting all of your money!" are everywhere. We shall keep in mind that these people are not obligated to help those who are in need. Donating is supposed to be voluntary. How they spend their money doesn't have anything to do with your own classification in the society.

Poverty is a choice. I get that there might be hurdles along the way and that it is harder for the marginalized to blend in with the middle-class citizens of this country but they have to at least try. Because if not, the efforts of the government will only be put in vain. In the end, the country will just suffer from the increasing poverty rate and the toxic mindset will be passed on to the next generation.

[mesukohi]

Embers

Isuka x Portgas D. Ace

Summary:

A familiar face visits Ace a few hours prior his execution

Abandon all your hope, ye who enter here is scribbled on the dusty brick walls that surrounded a certain flame commander. Goosebumps raises in response to the cold air that swiftly caresses skin, a touch from the reaper himself, meaning to guide him into river Styx to what could be the heaven or the underworld. He had already forgotten the concept of time, the absence of sunlight making the difference of day and night blurry to those who are unfortunate enough to end up in impel down. The shackles made of sea stone continued to suffocate his wrist, cutting away the demon blood that circulated his weakened body.

He has no regrets, that's for sure.

Even though that shadows of death is near, he will wholeheartedly welcome it with open arms. As long as luffy is safe. As long as pops is safe. That is all that matters.

The sounds of footsteps nearing his cell snapped the freckled man from his thoughts. A warden he barely know hits the metal bars to alert him that a visitor has arrived to see him. He wasn't expecting one in all honesty, but if this visitor is able to reach impel down in such a short notice, perhaps the unknown guest is someone who has name and power in regards to the government.

And he was right.

There, in front of his cell is a woman with fiery hair he was too familiar with. Her once short locks has now reached her hips, gloved hand hiding the burnt scars that he used to kiss. Her eyes glowed sienna against the harsh lighting, and on her shoulders was the coat of justice that the navies wore with pride. She was not a mere ensign anymore by the way those medals hung against her crisp uniform but still, he knows, that she remained that kind and loving woman he met years ago.

"Isuka" he breathes, parched throat rasping her name instead.

"Its nice to see you again, Firefist" the redhead greets, arms crossing indignantly. "I never thought the day would come that I won't be happy to see you locked up in a cell"

"Fiesty as ever" he chuckled "Did you just visit me so that you could tell that joke?"

"No, not really" she stepped closer, eyes adjusting to meet the the prisoner's lonely gaze "I'm here to visit an old friend"

"We're not just friends, Isu" Ace cleared, the corner of his lips stretching to form a bitter smile.

"Call me Captain Isuka now, that nickname doesnt matter anymore" she answered, voice firm.

"You used to love it when I called you that"

"Damn it Ace, just stop!" the navy exclaimed, lone boot stomping against the ground. "All of that is in the past now. We made our choices! We took different paths that are polar opposites and there's nothing we can do to change it!" Tears began to form on the corner of her eyes, the naval biting her lips to prevent the waterworks from falling "This is not the time and place... I don't even know if there will be one. For once in your life, can you please let me say goodbye in peace?"

"I won't die Isu" Ace assured lovingly, "As long as my brothers can remember me, as long as you hold me in your memory I wont"

"But I don't want you to be a memory" Isuka broke "I want you alive. I want to see your bounty raise, I want to see the changes of your smiles in your damn wanted posters. I want you to live!"

"But it's too late now is it?" he retorted, brown irises gleaming sadly "I made my choice Isu. This is the life I wanted. The best thing you could do is keep pops and luffy safe"

"But what about me?! Did you even took the time to think what I wanted?! Why are you always so stubborn, Ace!" she snapped, gloved hands gripping the metal bars that separated her and her beloved "Your ears were always closed. You never listen to anybody! Now look at you! I can't even hold you. I cant even touch you let alone kiss you goodbye!"

Slowly, her knees fell to the ground, pained sobs echoing against the cold brick walls.

"You should've listened to me and became a warlord. That way, at least we have the slightest chance to be together"

"I... can't. I won't" the pirate answered, head held down guiltily "Even if you ask me now, my answer will be the same. That position is not for me, you know that more than anyone"

"And I respect that but still..." she inhales deeply, harvesting enough courage to quell the fire on her chest "I suppose I just have to suck it up and accept that this is not our time" she began, watery eyes meeting his "Maybe in another world we were meant to be happy. But not here. Not in this one. We were meant to meet each other but we are not fated to be together. And it hurts Ace! Its ripping me apart"

"I know" he answered, the flood on his cheeks starting "And it hurts me to see you suffer. This is my fault. Just forget about me and move on. You deserve to be happy"

"Don't ask me to move on as if that's an easy feat!" she yelled back, snot dripping from her nose "Do you think I have moved on already when we left each other years ago? For fuck's sake Ace, I never did! I won't be standing in front of you right now if I've already forgotten you. You are hard to forget! The happiness we shared before is tattooed in my mind and it surfaces no matter how much i suppress it!"

Footsteps echoed abruptly, indicating that the guard from before has returned to fetch the visitor. The redhead raises her hand, asking for a few more minutes in which the warden grumbled "two" before standing prostate on the side. Isuka darts back at the guilt ridden prisoner, memorizing the face that will soon depart the living world.

"I will not be in marineford Ace" she admitted, taking a step back from his cell "I'm not going to stand there and watch you die. Im not going to fight the people you hold on your heart dearly. I'll be home waiting until this nightmare ends"

She turned on her heels, preparing to leave.

"I am thankful to have met you. I am thankful that you loved me. I am thankful of the fond memories that you have given me. I know I shouldn't be saying this but... I do hope that your father will be able to save you. Goodbye, Firefist"

"Isu, wait!" he calls, making the navy captain stop on her tracks "Do you... Do you still love me?" he asked exasperatedly.

She gives him a gentle smile, eyes filled with a lonely light as she spoke.

"I never stopped loving you, Ace. And I will continue to love you no matter where you are"

There are eight more hours until Portgas D. Ace's execution. And right now, he realizes that he has one regret.

[brynfelan]

ALDJSHSKS OH THANK GOD I WASN'T WORRIED BUT I WAS A LIL WORRIED...alright imma start off with a Kuzuhina(ish) idea, because rarepair hell sucks let's suffer together. Hajine gets kidnapped by a psycho group NOT because of his relationship to Fuyuhiko, but because they "wanna see what makes the Ultimate Ultimate tick." Which is infinitely worse because the human experimentation is back on for our tsundere ahoge boy. He got lobotomized and now he's back in that particular hell. Izuru's also suffering because he's grown to care for Hajime in his own way, because they're two separate minds in one body, and he can't protect Hajime from this. Fuyuhiko is basically going postal because "MY BOYFRIEND WAS KIDNAPPED BY LUNATICS, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT, AND NO ONE'S DOING ANYTHING WHAT THE FUCK." The rest of the Remnants are also pissed and worried, but Fuyuhiko moreso. Your thoughts???

like one day he’s just gone ?? no note? just poof?

holy hell i have this image of fuyuhiko absolutely TEARING UP the 100km area around them just looking. ofc the other remnants are pissed too but nobody has ever seen fuyuhiko just go off like this. eventually he realises he can’t find him by just searching aimlessly so soda builds some walkie talkies STAT (or they get to ask future foundation for help? i haven’t decided which is better), but point is all of the remnants absolutely descend on the surrounding area, with their own sections to search. the communicators have lil GPS things on em so they always know where the other is.

it’s gotta be fuyuhiko that finds him though, right? because like... angst. anyway, fuyuhiko finds this old underground bunker, and can’t open it by himself so he calls everybody over. akane, gundham and nekomaru manage to get it open, n peko has to literally hold fuyuhiko back to stop him just bolting down there as fast as he can.

they get to have a fucking cool fight scene when they’re down there, because I can’t resist letting Peko absolutely go off with her sword, and we saw what kinda mess akane and nekomaru can make fighting in the despair arc. those three people could definitely take down like 30 people between them, trust me on this one.

the worst part is when they get to the room that has hajime in it. the door got locked when whoever got him realised that they���d had a security breach, and it’s a proper lead door that won’t open for anybody and everybody has to repeatedly throw themselves against it in order to get it to open. everybody’s panicking, but there is nobody worse than fuyuhiko. like, to the point where some of them are worried that he’s gonna get his ass despaired again. but nobody says anything because main priority is hajime. 

at some point, nagito started looking through the pockets of the people that got absolutely knocked tf out, and Lucky Him! he finds a key! it’s maybe the first time ever that fuyuhiko ever thanks him for something (and my god does he thank him like, he’s crying and while he’s a lil bit aggressive he’s so grateful) and they get in and find hajime hooked up to a ton of different machines.

you ever heard of project MKUltra? when the US government tested psychedelic drugs (particularly LSD) as a torture device/truth serum? yeah well, this is it! hajime is tripping absolute balls and not in a fun way, occasionally getting some electric shocks! why? well, it’s in the “doctor’s” file on the desk! because wouldn’t hajime also be the ultimate weapon if he’s the ultimate everything else? imagine having him as something that can be controlled, told what to do. you could end the world, overthrow a government, you name it!

mikan has to carefully remove the electrodes from him because he’s fighting her hard, but there isn’t a way to get him to stop tripping and freaking out until it passes, except to just straight up sedate him. they have no idea how long this has been happening to him or what he’ll be like when it’s over. mikan has to scrounge through everything that this place has to find something, and even though it takes a while she does eventually find a high enough dose sedative that will help without just making him OD and die. unfortunately, it has to go in through a needle.

historically, hajime isn’t good with needles. he’s even worse when he’s off his fucking face and having the very definition of a Bad Trip. he barely knows where he is, and there’s a part of him that does recognise the people around him but his brain isn’t working properly and he just can’t stop freaking out. he’s already restrained though, so it isn’t too hard to just quickly sedate him. fuyuhiko’s basically glued to him now, telling him he’s sorry and that he’ll be okay soon, that it’s gonna be alright.

luckily, without getting it directly and constantly, the effects of LSD only take around 12 hours to wear off. by the time they’re back at wherever they’re living, most of the hallucinations have worn off, but he’s quiet and hurt, and the electric buzzing kinda fried his brain a little bit - he’s still there, but izuru is basically the one in charge of the body right now since he’s letting hajime rest for now.

fuyuhiko still thinks izuru is a little weird, but like... he’s part of hajime, so he’ll put up with whatever bullshit izuru can throw at him. izuru isn’t as affectionate, but will hold his hand every so often and give him small smiles when he needs them, and it just feels good to have him back and safe. when hajime comes back again though, it takes a while before he can be left alone again. not that fuyuhiko is leaving his side basically ever now because he’s sure as hell not letting that happen ever again. and it takes him a while to heal, he never truly forgets or gets over what happened to him, but everybody’s there for him. he knows he has a family now, and everybody understands if he needs to go away for a little while and let izuru take care of the body when he can’t.

okay this got super long and i am very sorry but you threw this concept at me and i ran because i love angst so much, but the comforting after the angst is also so good.

[cazort]

I strongly agree with almost everything in this post, but I have one quibble, and this is the use of the term "moderate".

I find this frustrating because I'm trans and nonbinary, and I consider myself a moderate, and I very much dislike how some people use the term.

Being a "moderate" on trans issues does not mean caving to any of the right-wing attempts to roll back trans rights. What it can mean, however, is:

wanting sports leagues or their independent governing bodies to make their own decisions about who can and can't compete on what teams (contrast with the right-wing stance saying they want the government to bar trans people from competing even if sports leagues want to allow trans people to compete, but also contrast with far-left stances saying they want the government to force all independent sports bodies to accept trans people according to some set of criteria that the government sets) Why am I moderate on this issue? Because I don't want trans identities politicized. I don't want politicians to be debating our rights. If it's kept in the realm of the independent sports bodies, it's kept out of the political sphere and I see that as a win.

wanting all trans people to face zero pressure one way or the other when it comes to any sort of medical transition (contrast with the right-wing stance which wants to make medical transition illegal, or at least ban it for minors and make adults have to pay for it out of pocket, but also contrast with the transmedicalist stance which is unfortunately common in left-wing circles, which says that medical transition is the be-all and end-all of transition and trans people need medical transition to be happy, it's necessarily the right choice for all trans people, and you aren't really trans if you haven't medically transitioned) Why am I moderate on this issue? Because I see great pressure to medically transition both from transphobia (not having our genders recognized unless we transition) and from other trans people (glorifying the effects of transition, saying it will solve all our problems, etc.) and from left-wing pro-trans ideology which can get wrapped up in transmedicalism (equating "transition" with medical transition, equating medical transition with transness, etc.) and I hate this pressure. When people don't desire medical transition, it can lead to regret. When people do, it can mess with our motivation because it can be hard for us to sort out which desires or motivations are innate vs. which are imposed on us.

wanting people to be a bit more tolerant of the language people use, especially in the absence of any overt rudeness or explicit proof of bad faith. For example, not berating people or snapping at them for using the wrong pronouns (only politely correcting), not criticizing people or telling them they are "wrong" or "transphobic" for using older terminology (like "FtM", "MtF", "became a (wo)man", etc.) Why am I moderate on this issue? Because I've seen so many people get attacked, sometimes brutally, for using the "wrong" terminology, and this then makes the trans rights movement look unreasonable. Also the single worst stereotype I have to contend with as a nonbinary person is the expectation from others that I will be "demanding" and get angry at them if they use the wrong pronouns or gendered language to refer to me. And this is so frustrating because I'm actually laid back about these things, but I have to contend with these stereotypes in part because a lot of people do react this way.

wanting any pro-trans people to be more understanding of things like how it can be hard mentally and emotionally to adjust to people changing the gender, name, and/or pronouns they are referred to by. Why am I moderate on this issue? Because I prefer they/them pronouns and yet I still find it a bit hard or awkward sometimes, even though I prefer them over he/him and she/her pronouns. And more broadly, even though I'm nonbinary, I find the concept of nonbinary genders highly abstract and a bit confusing and hard to wrap my mind around. So I figure, if it's hard for me, it's probably going to be even harder for a cis person so the least I could do is to have a little bit of patience with them. Also, I don't want people to perceive my gender as an imposition on them so I don't particularly want others to be abrasive or aggressive about enforcing my pronouns or gender.

So yeah, I'm a moderate on trans issues. What this means is that I want to keep government out of gender, and more broadly, keep trans people from being politicized, I want there to be no pressure to medically transition one way or the other, and I am tolerant of people using older and/or nonstandard terminology to refer to trans people, and I'm relatively laid-back about people misgendering me or using non-preferred terminology to refer to me.

It does not mean I want to cave to any of the demands of far-right ideology.

The state of gay rights in the early aughts was not good; criminal penalties for homosexuality were rarely enforced but were on the books in many places, there was no right to marriage, and the morality of homosexuality was hotly contested in public. Big culture war issue. In that environment, where substantive protections were lacking, Democrats could be tepid on gay rights without actively giving anything up—if, like Obama in 2008, you didn’t support gay marriage, you could still be seen (correctly) as advocating for an overall better situation for gay people, or at least one that was no worse, in contrast to your right wing opponents.

Trans rights are not in the same position. Before the big trans rights backlash started, access to gender affirming care was pretty widespread, was everywhere legal, and was a matter for private concern only. Trans people could play in school sports subject to whatever their league’s rules were, and the idea of trying to make it illegal to cross dress in public was absurd. The conservative position since has become one of an explicit rollback of rights: revoke access to gender affirming care, create new criminal sanctions to punish trans people, make it illegal for them to participate in school sports, etc.

In that environment, tacking to the right on trans issues means deciding which elements of trans rights you are willing to concede to this project of actually rolling back trans rights. The only thing comparable from the gay rights fight is maybe state constitutional amendments to ban gay marriage, or DOMA—all of which were, IIRC, passed despite gay marriage not being legal in affected jurisdictions. Their enactment, while deplorable, had no material negative affect; gay people already couldn’t get married.

And that this project of rolling back trans rights is not a particular fetish of the religious right is more worrying. Plenty of liberals and liberal institutions are pretty transphobic. Britain has been working to export its flavor of (Moderate, Sensible, Secular) transphobia to other countries in Europe and the Anglosphere. Transphobes winning these fights isn’t a status quo situation—it’s a sharp increase in repression of trans people.

In light of that, I regard calls to “moderate” on trans issues with at best scorn. I think the party of civil rights condoning the rollback of citizens’ civil rights is really bad for its brand, won’t win it more votes, and may sufficiently alienate members of the base—who are invested in the party specifically because of its historic support for civil rights—that they simply don’t bother to show up in elections.

[galaxythreads]

Suggestions on how to improve fanfic writing:

I was talking with @angelfishofthelord recently (not that recent, time is a concept that escapes our collective grasp) and I jokingly suggested that I make this post. I am in the middle of an insomnia night, so. Here be us.

Characters use the same nicknames and phrases inside their head as speaking. This doesn’t necessarily mean they’re sharing the humor they’re speaking. I.g.: For SPN, I see a lot of people write Dean as a little careless in his POVs, because that’s just how he portrays himself, but Dean, I think, while having a dark sense of humor, isn’t actually very funny in his head. Same goes for MCU and Tony Stark. Funny characters does not always equal happy head space. :)

Nicknames--this used to bother me to no end, because nicknames were never something in my family, and people shortening down the names felt wrong. But you nickname what you love. If someone has given a nickname (and not in mockery) to a character, chances are, they call them that in their head. Like in MCU Clint calling Natasha "Nat", or SPN Dean and Sam calling Cas "Cas" however, with that said, unless the nickname is self chosen, most people will use their full name when narrating. Castiel, Natasha, etc.

Headcanons! This is going to sound a little backwards, but headcanons have always helped me sort between characters. I know that some fic authors are very against headcanons, but to me, you HAVE to make these characters and their world your own, at least a little. You need to understand how their brain functions, and headcanons are a wonderful, wonderful way to do that. So long as you can conceivably fit them into canon, I think you’re good. One of the ones I have about SPN Cas is that he doesn’t actually give off body heat, so he’s constantly room temperature. It’s a detail for people that’s not Cas’s POV to notice. So getting some headcanons like that will help differentiate between POVs because it’s different things for characters to acknowledge.

Mimic writing that you admire. (And ask yourself WHY you like it) I really, really love the way that TFW/avengers team is portrayed in some stories, in others, I’m like “meh.” Write to please yourself, first and foremost, on how to read these characters thoughts. Those who agree with you will flock to be your audience, and they’re who matter.

Language/word choice is really important for POV change. Again, people talk like how they think.

POV change? Treat the character whose POV it is like they are THE most important person in existence. Their reactions get a front seat. Their five senses are your concern. What they notice about a character may not be true, but it's what they notice. They are human, not omniscient, ergo, they'll get things wrong. Even if the story is written with a completely different character in mind, this character is still the most important. POV's time to think, talk, panic, angst, express, etc. That chapter was about how they felt. That’s why sometimes, even if I really do want them to talk or something, a character might think “please don’t say xyz” because THEY don’t want that, and how I feel as an author isn’t relevant here. Remembering that they’re human, and need time to process/react to things is huge.

Practice, practice, practice. It does get easier with time, and effort. I promise. All of you would laugh at my first few weeks of diving into fandoms. That stuff is garbage.

Conscious stream of thought is generally the best way to engage readers, and the most enjoyable. This is how we immerse ourselves into the story. We become a part of it because we follow their thinking. It is always ideal to start where you are the most comfortable, whether that's 3rd omniscient, 2nd person, etc, but, in my opinion, you don't get that true "click" with the characters until you've conscious stream of thought them.

Research. Lots of research. Don't know how long battieres could last in 2002? Look it up. Don't know how to do stitches? Google it. Try to avoid making things up.

Look guys. Everyone understands that you are most likely NOT a doctor or have any semblance of a medical degree. This is fiction. Research what you can, and move forward carefully or vague it out with the rest. The worst that can happen is someone correcting information you got wrong.

Please, please, please stay within the range of human limitation. (Or whatever creature/being you are writing for) You can't lose more than five pints of blood. You CAN die from pain. Infection spreads quickly. I'm sorry. I just. Have read so many fics from newbie writers who push their characters past extremes that is almost impossible. You want to hurt them that bad, break a bone or something. Just. Please try to be realistic. (Don't misunderstand here, I love me some well-done whump.)

Again with the "you are not a professional thing." Those diagnosed with mental illnesses know that you may not be writing from true experience. This is okay. But please, please do not avoid using any words or phrases common with the illness as you try to "vaguely" write it. The more authentic you are, the less likely you will offend someone. Look. I would be so frustrated if someone tried to write about an ED and just... Avoided words like "starve" "binge" and "hungry" because they didn't want to trigger me. Like. Sweeties, I appreciate the thought, I do, but it's more frustrating that you can't even SAY it than actually putting it into your writing. So. Please just. If you're going to write about a mental illness, do so with the intent to WRITE it, not skirt around the bush.

With that, if you are not diagnosed with the mental illness your writing for (or suspect that you have some form of it) that's okay! Google symptoms to get a basic idea, and search for first hand accounts. People's experience is a lot different than the definition. For example, some of the most hilarious people I know are severally depressed, and Google will just tell you they are sad.

Write write and write. You are building a skill. You have to practice that skill frequently.

Do not be afraid to ask for feedback. Betas are wonderful. Asking for advice is wonderful. Being too shy and afraid of criticism for asking for help is perfectly okay. (Hello fellow traveler)

If your search history doesn't have you being watched by government organizations in the next few months, you aren't researching enough. ;)

Take your time. Quality over quantity. Do NOT conform to the update fairy that demands updates frequently. Look. I love my readers. I do. But you HAVE to take your time to finish things in order for them to be worth reading. If this is six hours or six years, that's that.

Do not give everything away. Stop answering questions. We keep reading because we have unanswered questions. Anticipation = good. Knowing everything at once: bad.

Do not put in funny for the sake of funny.

Insults should be insulting, not make people want to cringe and duck their heads.

Dialog should serve as people communicating... Like actual people.

Siblings (unless otherwise said so by canon) DO NOT address each other as "bro" and "sis"

Not a native English speaker? Cool. Natives would love to help you learn their language. :) English grammar sucks.

Analogies should make sense. They should flow smoothly into the writing. If they pop out, you've lost the attention of your writers.

please, please don't glorify rape, racism, homophobia, mental illness shaming/glorification, abuse, sexism, and other crappy things. Thanks. People came for a story, not to get their souls crushed.

[possible-eldritch-god]

something I've been thinking about for a while that i have no idea how to put in words (keep in mind that this isn't spaced apart in paragraphs since I don't know how to section things haha) : okay, so I think we need to come to terms with the statement "gender is a social construct" and what it means for the LGBT+ community including the MOGAI community. First, let me remind ya'll that there is a difference between sex and gender. Sex is not a social construct, this is something attached to our bodies at birth and what determines our primary (natural) sex hormone. Sex, similar to gender, is not as black and white as 'male' and 'female'; there are intersex people of all kinds that we simply do not have categories for EVERY SINGLE intersex person's genitals to ever exist. Sex is *incredibly* important in how our brains function, our appearance, our personality, and our day to day behaviors and is not determined by choice therefore is not something we pulled out of thin air. Gender on the other hand *is*. The misunderstanding though that TERFs and anti-MOGAI people have is thinking that this means that gender cannot exist therefore contradicts trans ideology. This.. isn't what we're saying here. Lots of things are social constructs; race, government, school systems, ect. are all things humans made up to help us better understand how to function as a society. We, as a human race have the instinct to categorize everything as a means to understand and comprehend the world around us. This is not something bad, this is a primal instinct we need to survive. We have so many names for everything and most of these names have a reason for being there. Which means gender *can* exist as a concept, and trans people have a right to feeling uncomfortable with the concept of their birth gender, especially when we've attached *so* much to each concept. At the end of the day, gender as a concept is just an extension of who we are and how we view ourselves. Some people choose to identify with things that are already laid out in front of them(ie. nonbinary, male, female) and that's okay ! Other people like to describe their gender as something entirely new, and that's also okay ! that is what they view themselves as. That is what their image of themselves looks like and that is their way of expressing it to other people. You see yourself as a boy ? Sure ! You see yourself as a gal ? Great ! You see yourself as just a void ? Awesome sauce ! You see yourself as a McDonalds Coco Cola ? fuckin wild man(/pos) ! There is no incorrect way to express your gender, and it's really icky to tell people (ESPECIALLY neurodivergent people) that they cannot express themselves freely because "what will society think ?". You know what that's called ? Cringe culture ideology babes. The LGBT+ community is trying to get society to accept us and to understand the way we think and the way we express ourselves, we're changing society with the more allies we have. MOGAI people are doing the same. You telling MOGAI people that they are not real or they are making a mockery of the LGBT+ is the *exact same* as all the homophobes telling lesbians they can't be themselves because "what will society think ?". Do some reflecting and learn to love and respect each other; we are all just trying to survive and have the best quality of life as possible. Please just love each other. If we can do that, I think we will all be better off. Have a good day !

[bobbystompy]

68 Quotes I Enjoyed From 2019

Below are my favorite quotes from 2019. Though most occurred throughout the year, some took place before but were encountered during.

1) “I don’t bitch about Millenials.

John Entwistle once complained that he didn’t understand rap. Pete Townsend said, ‘It’s not our job to understand it. It’s our job to get the fuck out of the way.’

New generations come of age. The older generation’s job is to shut up and adapt.” - @danagould

2) “I can’t do drugs with you until we kiss.”

3) “If you pay me $50 I'll show up to your funeral but stand really far away, holding a black umbrella regardless of the weather, so that people think you died with a dark and interesting secret.” - @DanaSchwartzzz

4) “A human being is a dangerous thing to let loose in a room with itself, when it cannot think.” - Roger Ebert

5) “There are no bad bourbons, only better bourbons.” - Dave Hernandez

6) “You can’t put a dollar in a kimono.”

7) “This is how it was.” - rampant takeaway from watching ‘Superbad’ several years after its release

8) “What if I had been born fifty years before you in a house on the street where you lived / Maybe I’d be outside as you passed on your bike / Would I know? / And in a wide sea of eyes, I see one pair that I recognize” - Ben Folds, ‘The Luckiest’

9) “Learn the rules so you can break them.”

10) “Nobody makes chili for two.” - Stacy Massey

11) “‘Best city in the world,’ I mutter to myself, as i adjust my ‘driving blanket’.” - Chicago resident Deanna Belos, during the 2019 Polar Vortex

12) “Dude, no one’s ever got arrested for listening to Counting Crows.” - Ricky O’Donnell, justifying late night music volume at his party

13) Bill Belichick: We’re going to have fun tonight. Rob Gronkowski: Yes we are. We deserve it. Belichick: You’re damn right. Gronk: I haven’t stepped out in like eight months. I gotta step out tonight. Belichick: I’m with you, man. I’m even going to step out. Gronk: Oh, I like it!

A Super Bowl winning exchange.

14) Center David Andrews thanked Bill Belichick for giving him "a shot".

Belichick disagreed with it.

Andrews: Thank you for giving me a shot. Belichick: A shot? I didn't give you shit. You earned it! I don't give anything.

Another Super Bowl winning exchange.

15) “We elected one of the very worst living human beings to be President, and it's exhausting. Each and every day, it's an exhausting slog, just to exist in a world where that's true.” - Michael Schur

16) “Some of y’all always picked Odd Job when you played Goldeneye and it shows” - @thedad

17) “Any app is a dating app if you try hard enough.” - Z.W. Martin (though he says it’s lifted)

18) "Once you're as woke as I am, you learn to feel bad all the time.”

19) “Everything’s a balance beam when you’re 90.” - John Dingell

20) [I wake up in a world where The Beatles never existed]

Me: Check out this song I just wrote

[I begin playing “Ob La Di Ob La Da” without having first built up years of goodwill]

Crowd of people: Wow, this sucks ass

-- @seanoneal

21) “People change people.” - Corey Matthews, Girl Meets World

22) “The easiest thing to do on earth is not write.” - William Goldman

23) “Dan could be like a difficult uncle. I didn’t love his fire-breathing conservative politics. I didn’t love the transformation that came over his novels. In Semi-Tough, he created two benighted Texas jocks and laid their prejudices bare. He was declaring himself a member of the Mark Twain coaching tree. In later books, Dan seemed to be trying to prove he could still tell a racist joke. He insisted that his memoir—the last truly immaculate piece of writing he delivered—include a tirade against political correctness. When his editor said people might be offended, Dan said, ‘Fuck people.’

There are certain writers whose style you pilfer. Certain writers whose moral fiber you try to inherit. For me, Dan represented a third category: a writer whose aura you replicate—or, failing that, try to stand in for a while.” - Bryan Curtis, on Dan Jenkins

24) “Never marry anything. Never choose. Even in love, it's better to be chosen.” - La Dolce Vita

25) “An uncluttered, uncomplicated happy ending might sound wonderful, but it’s hardly ever satisfying. Because the value of great stories lies in the tension between desire and need, between the yearning for the ideal, and the unshakable conviction that ideals don’t really exist, at least not the way we want them to. A great story should hurt a little when it leaves us. There should be some hope, but that hope should remain somewhere just an inch beyond our fingers, because that’s the truth. Even if you had all the perfect moments in the world, you’d still be reaching.” - Zach Handlen, on the Futurama series finale

26) “You can’t see him because he has sunglasses on.” - Alissa Levy

27) “The cinema is the greatest art form ever conceived for generating emotions in its audience. That's what it does best. (If you argue instead for dance or music, drama or painting, I will reply that the cinema incorporates all of these arts).” - Roger Ebert

28) “‘Are you gonna let politics ruin a friendship?’ 

Yes tf I am

People talk about politics as if it’s this isolated, abstract concept that only matters at election time. Somebody’s politics is their world view. It’s whether they think certain human beings deserve rights. It’s how they think the world should be. And if somebody thinks that the world should be colder, meaner, less accepting and downright hostile to people that are different to them, then sure as fuck is the friendship over.”

29) “Can the Supreme Court get me mushrooms?” - J-Papp

30) “Any song under two minutes already has a head start on its way into my heart. Just scream at me and then leave me.” - Drew Magary

31) “Long neck cold beers never broke my heart.” - Clemson Tom

32) “I’d just like to point out that the last spoken words of Game of Thrones were: 

‘I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel.’”

- @Authoroux

33) “Just once before I die, I want to toss my keys to someone and tell them ‘Bring the car around’.” - Mike Skully

34) “For all the weight they're given, last words are usually as significant as first words.” - Grand Maester Pycelle, Game of Thrones

35) “The best remedy for unrequited love is a trip around the world.” - Cheers

36) [on switching from a hotel to a motel]

Manny: I don't like the sound of that. A lot of amenities disappear when an H turns into an M. Jay: Hey when I met you, you were eating cereal out of a bucket.

-- Modern Family

37) “You and Lindsey don’t want to be ‘estranged’. Estranged is the relationship we want to have with our mothers.” - MegFil

38) “Cigarettes are undefeated.”

39) “My toes are like my fingers on my feet. I can pick stuff up with them.” - Tracy Cunningham

40) “Republicans govern without shame, Democrats shame without governing.” - Bill Maher

41) Sam: I don’t understand the vagaries of the Internet Josiah: Post often, without thought, and you’ll either get cancelled or cancel someone else.

-- Blink-155

42) “Hang a lantern on your problems.”

43) “What a weird web we weave.” - The Situation, The Jersey Shore: Family Vacation

44) “Let the ocean worry about being blue.” - Alabama Shakes, ‘Hang Loose’

45) “Honesty without tact is cruelty.” - Shelley Rokos

46) “My whole life is the wrong porn link.”

47) “One parent can take care of 10 kids, but 10 kids cannot take care of one parent.” - Joe Gestetner, via “an old Yiddish saying”

48) “There are no heroes in the room.” - Classics of Love, ‘Gun Show’

49) “If I am a little dismissive, it's only because of my harrowing backstory.” - Mitchell, Modern Family (on why he doesn't like sports)

50) “Every time I’m wearing black, I meet a dog.” - Tracy Cunningham

51) “Shower sex? Why would I fuck in my crying chamber” - @chridollarsign

52) “My theory about quarterbacks, having written about some of them, is you either have to believe in god or think you are a god.” - Mina Kimes

53) “The contradictions of capitalism always manifest in our lyrics if you look deeply.” - Blake Schwarzenbach of Jawbreaker, Riot Fest 2019

54) “Got a ‘hang loose’ from the weakside bartender.”

55) “It’s Jennifer’s birthday always.” - Eric Hutchinson 

56) “I can’t think of a less relevant artist in 2019 than Kanye West. A Jesus freak in a MAGA hat. Yeah, congrats dude -- you’re every grandma who watches ‘Young Sheldon’ and mails checks to Joel Osteen now.” - Dan Ozzi

57) “The past and future are in the mind. I’m in the now.” - Tom Brady, via someone else

58) “Sometimes you walk around boring places and you feel like the most exciting thing in it.” - Drew Magary

59) “Sitting is the new smoking.” - Modern Family

60) “I'll straight up fight folks at a book club and discuss books at a fight club I really don't give a shit anymore.” - George Wallace

61) “Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.” - Rose Garvey via wine country

62) “It’s all ‘ok boomer’ until you need someone who can drive stick shift.” - @OrdinaryAlso

63) “He likes the result of the math.” - Dad, talking about my worst subject frustrating during the process but satisfying in the end

64) Stepmom: Do you want a Bears urn or Alabama urn? Dad: Ask me after they play Auburn.

65) “A cold body carries a warm heart.” - Stefanos Tsitsipas’ Instagram, after his Iceland sabbatical

66) [preparing a dish called the Sandwich of Justice with his friend’s recipe]

"The fun thing about it is when you give it to someone, you can say 'Justice is served.’ That's, uh, Ryan's line. I built my whole life on the backs of my friends." - You Suck At Cooking

67) “Usually three people can keep a secret only when two of them are dead.” - The Irishman

68) “An artist can't control who consumes their content any more than a chemist can control how their chemicals are used once they're created.” - Brian Crooks

[definealetheia]

Note to self when I feel like I'm going insane (unfinished)

STOP OVERTHINKING!

Sit back, relax, and take deep breaths.

Listen to chakra tune up meditation music. Unblock your chakras and let the energy flow through your body.

Don't intentionally block your heart chakra. Stop suppressing your feelings, whether it is good or bad. You have to deal with them and heal your wounds. The more you suppress your feelings, the longer your agony will get.

Do you still have doubts about the connection?

Remember that you have already let go of the label Twin Flame. The question whether he is your Divine Masculine or not is not important anymore. The Universe may or may not give you the answer after all. BUT you can honor what you feel is true. You love him. This is your truth. You don't need the Universe to tell you that.

It is okay to doubt the connection sometimes. It is normal to experience doubts and fears in this journey. It is scary and full of uncertainties.

I don't get why other twins refer to someone they meet as "catalyst" who will activate your awakening and you believed as your twin but ended up as otherwise. Same logic goes for false twin. I don't get it. I don't think there is a false twin or a catalyst. That person is either your twin or not. Why would you need a catalyst to activate you? Your twin can do that himself. It doesn't make sense to me. People who started their spiritual journey even before they met their twin were awakened due to several possible reasons. May be because of traumatic experiences or they come from a spiritual background. As for those who were not awakened until they met their twin, I don't understand why the person who activated them ends up only as a catalyst. What for? You will only recognize that person as a catalyst once you meet your true twin. And then it would be like you're restarting your twin flame journey with your true twin! Wth.

Remember the reasons and synchonicities that lead you to believe he is your twin.

He activated my spiritual awakening.

It was August 29, 2018. I met my twin online right after I graduated from grad school. I finished another milestone in my life. I finished a job contact and ready to start a new life. I was optimistic about the future. I've been single for years and thought it would be nice a start a new one. But I didn't want to start a relationship just for the heck of it. I wanted to find the one. I've been saying this to the Universe for a quite some time. I might have manifested it when I met your twin without knowing it.

I've been suffering from MDD and GAD for years. I was in medication and went in and out of hospitals after every suicide attempt. For a long time I was suffering from an existential crisis. I did not know who I am or why I am alive. I did not have dreams of my own and was just living to fulfill the expectations of my family and society. I did not have any goals nor did I have reasons or motivations to pursue anything except meeting others' expectations of me. I needed to finish school and establish a good career, help my parents, and then have my own family. As good as those things were, I did not have the right motivation to do that.

I have always felt I don't belong anywhere. I was bullied in school and even at work. It made my depression even worse. Everywhere I go, terrible things always end up happening. I always felt uncomfortable, unsafe, and being wronged by people. I felt unlucky and miserable all the time. Everytime I try to turn my life around and gain a little hope, terrible things happen and that little hope I had get taken away from me.

I was never religious nor spiritual. Having a master's degree in Philosophy, I have an extensive experience on critical thinking and being skeptical. I don't label myself as agnostic. In fact, when it comes to my spirituality, I refrained from associating myself from any religious group or any spiritual belief. However, during one Philosophy class where we talked about religion where some of my classmates studied in Catholic seminaries, I remember sharing that I don't believe in (Christian conception) God but I do believe that there is someone or something, maybe it be metaphysical, divine, or a force that governs everything in the Universe.

I have always had the affinity to look at the sunset and the night sky. I has been part of my routine. My childhood dream was to became an astronaut or astronomer. But life happened. Part of my routine was talking to the Universe while watching the night sky. Whenever I feel suicidal I always tell them that I don't belong down here. I want to be among the stars. That's where I feel I belong, not here. I talk to the stars as often as I can. They saw me cry and all. They let me know they are listening by showing me shooting stars. I even saw asteroid Juno and other comets during one of my nightly routine. It always feels magical when they show me how beautiful the Universe is.

Recognizing the soul connection

I have been interested in Japanese culture and martial arts. I've been practicing a japanese sword martial arts since January 2017. Since I wanted to learn the language, I installed a language exchange application on my phone and that's where I met him. To be honest, I was open to the thought of possibly meeting someone online but I did not realize that I would actually meet someone like him. I met men who were more interested in flirting with me than learning another language. That's very common online. But I was not interested in them but when I met my twin, I did not know that from then on, my life will turn bat shit crazy. I was just following ramdom people on the app but I also made sure they did not look sketchy or suspicious. He followed me back. He suddenly commented on a picture I posted of me and my cat and then he sent me a private message. My first impression of him is he was very flirty and straithforward with giving compliments, unlike most Japanese I talked to who were polite and unsure of themselves. When I looked at his picture, I immediately felt something different about him especially when I looked at his eyes. But I couldn't put my finger on it. I never felt anything like it before. I felt like I knew him. There was a sense of familiarity and comfortabilitily. We started talking on Line, sent audio messages, and even talked on video call for hours. He send messages when he wakes up, goes to work, while working, coming home, and before sleeping. It like was a honeymoon phase of a relationship. I told myself it was too good to be true.

I needed to know more about him so I asked him if he was single. He wasn't. I felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown at me. He was still flirty and acting like there's more to us than acquaintances. But because of that reality check, I kept asking myself where I stand. Sometimes he treats me like a girlfriend all then all of a sudden he acts like a stranger. When the conversation gets hot and he becomes more flirty than normal that's where I remind him that he has a gf and I don't want to be in a third party. He told me they haven't talked for a while and he felt lost. I felt worse. I felt like he was just bored and wants to use me to fill in the void. Since I knew I was falling inlove, I made it clear to him that if he wants to continue talking to me like we are in a relationship, then I want to be only one. There should be no other woman. He couldn't give me an answer. He always dodged the question to the point that I get frustrated and just drop it. Add the language barrier to the mix. During one of our arguments, I kept asking him how he really felt about me and his answer was that he wanted to meet. I did not expect that answer. Even if I agreed to that, I reminded him that he has gf and he just told me they hadn't talked.

When he came back to Japan from one of work trips, that's when things went downhill. He used to give me updates on where he was or what he doings but that time I did tell me he already came back. His messages became short. Sometimes just one word. It's obvious he didn't want to be bothered or he just didn't want to talk to me. There were even sarcastic messages. It was my cue to leave him be.

We stared with talking to each other all day everyday until it became more and more seldom. There were days when he wouldn't talk. Then a sudden message after days of silence. I did not chase him or beg him to talk to me. But I once told him how I sad was that he changed. I was crying a lot. My heart got broken so many times. October 2018 came and after over a month of the honeymoon phase, he finally ghosted me.

Kundalini awakening and rising

I became more and more depressed and desperate for answers. I kept asking the Universe: Why did this happen? What was the point? I closed myself off for years and stopped dating after experiencing traumatic relationships. Right when I finally decided to take a risk, open my heart, and love again, this happened to me? I did not understand the point of it all. Letting another person in and then he just breaks my heart? This was the last chance I gave myself to love and this shit happened. Before I met him, I told myself that if I ever meet someone and fall in love, it will be the last time. I want to me the one. I am tired of being hurt so many times.

I was so confused. I was hurt, angry, and frustrated. Wanting to find the answers, I started watching tarot readings on Youtube. I never believed in Astrology. I was too skeptical for that. But I watched hundreds of readings out of desperation to find the answers. I got mixed result on the readings. There were times that the readings resonated so much that my mind was blown so many times. But there were others that just made me more confused and paranoid. The best takeaway from those readings is that divine timing is at work. I have to trust in the Universe and give them space to work things out. I can't force things to happen. The only thing I can do is set healthy boundaries and don't let anyone treat me like a doormat.

I spent the next few weeks just watching readings, crying at night, and trying to cope with the pain. The readings said that there will be communication and it did happen. By the time happened, I literally said "this shit is real." I was surprised that he messaged me and asked how I was. But after the inital shock, I was overcome by anger and hurt. He wanted communication just when I was starting to gain balance and not think of him that much. I was torn between telling him off and just accept that he is back. I replied 2-3 days later telling him I'm doing good.

The communication started again but I was seldom. He called me on 11/11 but I couldn't answer. He just randomly sends a message after a few days of silence and or calls all of a sudden and then disappear again. So flakey! I got fed up and set my foot down. I asked him why he wants call or talk to me. He said he always wanted to call and enjoys being with me. I called out his BS. I reminded him that he stopped talking to me. He can't just come in and out of life as he pleases. He should stop playing mind games with me. He just said to me "Oh don't say that 😭." I told him I deserve an explanation and tell me why he disappeared. He said he did not disappear. I told him it hurts me that he's not being honest with me. He said he was being honest. See the pattern here? I asked him again what happened and he just answered "I don't remember." That was it. I told him I'm a very patient person (I'm a fucking Taurus okay) but he pushed me too far. I won't ask anymore. It's obvious he didn't wanna answer. I'm done.

I was livid. I'm done dealing with a player and emotionally unvailable jackass. That's the start of our separation. It was 11/12.

I spent the rest of November dealing with rollercoaster of emotions. One moment I'm angry, and them I'm in pain, and then lonely ect. It was a torture. There were times when I went into relapse. I thought I have officially gone insane. I just wanted to die.

The first time I came across the term twin flame was through watching tarot readings. I never heard of the time before even when I met my twin. I wasn't interested in learning more about it at first. All I know was that it was different from soulmates and it was rare. I have never thought of myself as special (just different) so I did not think I needed to know about it. But curiosity got the better of me and finally decided to do some research. Lo and behold, I resonated with most of the signs that were listed. The things that happened to me made more sense now. But that was not enough to convince me.

More and more meditation music started appearing on my youtube suggestions. It was December when I finally decided to try a guided meditation. It's my first entry. I felt the urge to do it more and more often until I came across a meditation to awaken my spirit. Before this entire journey I would never think of trying it but since I have been activated, might as well continue on improving myself. I played the music when looking at the sunset. When I came to opening the third eye, I started seeing particles in mid air. They look specks of light or little transparent bubbles floating around. As weeks went by I seem them clearer. I don't even have to concentrate or be in meditative state to see them. I see another invisible layer in my environment as well. I see rain or drizzle even if it's not really raining. I also see "rain" and particles even indoors now. As long as there is light. I tune up my chakra almost everyday. I don't feel right when I don't meditate in a few days.

10/13/2019 ~ 2:41 PM (this has been saved in my Drafts since Jan/Feb -- I'm not sure anymore)

[middleagedangst]

A Penny for your Health?

You see it sitting there, on the countertop positioned conveniently next to the change dispenser. You sometimes reach your hand in and take from it because you’re lazy or selfish. Other times, you’ll empty your hand into it simply because it’s harder to open your pack of Marlboro Lights while carrying out your six-pack of Busch Light with change in your hand. I get it. No judgment here. What is this well of human generosity? The penny tray. Seen in all 50 states in nearly every gas station convenience store. The very idea of it is pretty great. Take a penny, leave a penny. Fucking genius. I mean why not drop a few cents in there anyway? It’s like a pay-it-forward savings account. It’s a way to be a good person while putting in the least amount of actual effort, an important quality of our American social contract. Besides, isn’t it better to help out your fellow man than to totally forget you even have that extra change until you either find it under the couch cushion next to a Dorito of questionable age or even months later in the pocket of last winter’s coat? Shit, it’s only a penny unless you’re one of those really rich motherfuckers that leave something bigger than a nickel.

I can’t remember a time that these trays didn’t exist, and I’m older than the SyFy channel and the original NES. As far as I’m concerned, the penny tray is a part of America, like NASCAR and cheating on your taxes. And the funny thing about it is anyone can use it, regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation, place in the economic strata, whatever gender pronoun you are, etc., without so much as an utterance of disdain or unfairness. It’s true. Never once have I seen protest from the skinheads, or the Black Panthers, Westbrook Baptists, the anti-war hippies, the ACLU, not even fucking Scientology. Nobody gives a flying rat’s ass that these things exist. So why the fuck can’t we have this same outlook on other things that might actually be of some use for the nation as a whole? Like, say, healthcare.

Healthcare coverage in the U.S. is pretty fucked up when you think about it. People usually get the best options through their employer, but just like friends with benefits, it starts out great but sooner or later it comes with some strings attached. For one, employers don’t have to offer group rates, or even offer coverage to employees working part-time or doing contract work. Even then if you do get coverage through your employer and you have a pre-existing condition, like diabetes, then the insurance company can tell you to get bent and deny service. Even better, when you do have insurance but they conveniently deny paying for treatment because something is out of network, or not covered by your plan as stated in the fine print that nobody reads. And don’t get me started on dental insurance. The people that usually need it the most, the poor and the elderly on fixed incomes, have trouble affording it and oftentimes rely on cut-rate plans or Medicaid (which has plenty of its own faults). On top of all this, private insurance doesn’t do a damn thing when it comes to controlling costs, because why can’t the medical and pharmaceutical industries rake in a fuck-ton of money from a chemically dependent consumer base that’s getting bent over and prison raped from a lack of options. It’s an awful lot like a strong arm robbery just for the privilege to get treated when you think about it. That’s capitalism’s influence for you. Anything else is unAmerican and downright evil, right?

There has been a lot of debate on what we can do as a nation and body politic that can help millions get healthcare that isn’t frustratingly shitty and increasingly expensive. For starters, some believe we should just leave the shit as it is and not change anything. Let the free markets reign supreme and the weak will die off leaving a healthy race of super citizens. Under this solution, you are free to choose the insurance company you want to pay your ransom to and they handle the rest. The companies dictate how much you pay and how much they pay or if they pay for any service or medication. Have you ever tried to negotiate what you actually get for your money? No? Didn’t think so. This solution is American as fuck so the argument should stop here, but what fun would that be just listening to one option and calling it a day. That’s like watching the same news channel all day.

Another solution is a more socialist approach in which you pass a law that levies a tax on all Americans earning income and then whatever government bureaucracy is in charge of the money pays out benefits to all Americans. The will of the people can then, through representation, effectively bargain for better prices and more expansive coverage because at that point our tax money is the only game in town. See, I know that’s not the American way, that’s the way of the rest of the civilized world’s way and how can the United States be special if we do the same shit the rest of the developed world does? We can't, and that’s why that commie shit isn’t welcome here.

Now I dare ask the question, what’s the fucking difference? Really. What is it? Because as far as I can tell, both possible solutions are the fucking same. You pay money into a big pot, where there are people hired or appointed into positions that control the money and payouts are dispersed on an as needed basis. When you get a bill from a hospital or doctor’s office and you only owe a fraction of the total, where do you think that money comes from? It sure as hell isn’t all the money you paid the company because that would be more like a rainy day savings account. No, other people paid their monthly bill allowing more money to be used for you. Everyone paying money to the insurance company helped you pay that bill. And just like the tray at the gas station, you’re okay with that. Sometimes, the insurance company doesn’t want to pay that much. Maybe it was an unhealthy month and there were a lot of claims, or the board didn’t think you were worth saving. Who knows. Either way, your bill was subsidized by your fellow policyholders. So to everyone that likes to say that they don’t want to pay for someone else’s healthcare “cuz, this is Amurica, and that’s commeynism,”- shut the fuck up because if you have insurance or pay taxes, you already do.

Can someone explain to me how buying healthcare coverage is different than paying a tax for the exact same or possibly even better outcome? Is the fact that you voluntarily pay money to a business for a servi™ce mean that you are freer? I can’t wrap my mind around how just because it's a business doesn’t mean the concept isn't a socialist idea. It just is.

Maybe there is a difference. Perhaps that difference is that a private corporation operates with profit in mind. These entities, especially in this day and age with boards of directors and publicly traded stock have more incentives to make money, meaning higher prices and fewer expenditures. Now, I’ll grant you that the government can be real fucking dumb, but these corporations are profiting on your desire to not be fucking sick while maintaining the right to deny coverage for any reason. Pre-existing condition? Fuck you, you’re a high priced liability. Cancer? We’ll pay some but you’re still getting stuck with a bill you most likely can’t afford. Want to see a healthcare provider that’s out of network? Fuck you too. These insurance companies can be real fucking assholes sometimes. In my opinion, by supporting this system, you give a tacit agreement to this shit continuing. So you’re an asshole too. Sorry. Guilt by association.

I’m not saying government-funded healthcare is perfect. Far from it. Especially with the current government we have. They’ve lost money before and most likely will again. They’ve borrowed from social security. They’ve been openly corrupt. I get it. We shouldn’t really trust these motherfuckers with much, but it could be better than what we have now. The people united and holding those in power accountable through elections and protests. It is, after all, the job of the government to work for the people, for their betterment and safety, to regulate commerce between the states, and to work towards a common goal. All of those things government tax-funded healthcare can provide. Remember finishing the pledge of allegiance with “liberty and justice for all?” Think about the liberty you’d have not having to worry about the cost of being sick and the justice knowing that your fellow American chips in to help his neighbor because it is the morally correct and just thing to do. It still falls short of utopian but at least it's a step in the right direction. Do I think everything should be covered under the people’s insurance? No. I don’t. Sorry, but your penile implant will just have to wait until you can pay cash.

The health of the people shouldn’t be a for-profit industry. It belongs outside the realm of normal capitalist behavior. Healthcare is something that benefits us all. And the healthier the nation is, the more productive, the happier, and better off we can all be. Right now, the healthy are the ones who can afford it. Is that right? Depends on who you ask. Is it just? Not in what should be a united, civilized people. How can us Americans sit by and watch our fellow citizens fall sick, stay sick, and possibly die and not think that the system has failed somehow? It’s morally bankrupt. Also never forget that we as a nation pay more per person on average than many of the other countries with socialized medicine. So even at the very least, socialized medicine can save you a buck or two. And who doesn’t like to save money? It’s certainly less time consuming than clipping fucking coupons.

So just like the little penny tray, a new system of healthcare can be a benefit to everyone, not just those that can afford it already. You put in a little and other times take what you need without questions. It’s there when you need it and can make your day just that much easier. Let’s, as Americans, make the tray just a bit bigger and make things a little better for everyone. You’re already doing it and just didn’t realize it, comrade.