#but the EXE part of his name has been engrained in him for so long so

[sonicexelle-junkary]

Ya know, sometimes I forget that HH!Sonic is a fairly normal guy for an EXE compared to others.

[cameronspecial]

Before The Last Petal Falls (Part 1)

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: Talks about sex and drugs.

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 2.4K

Summary: Coming home is supposed to be a happy occasion, but it's hard to be happy with your ex-boyfriend lurking around the corner.

A/N: This is a sequel series to Thorn In My Side, Rose in My Hand series.

Masterlist

Going back home is the last thing Y/N wants to do right now. The Outer Banks is full of memories from a heartbreak she does not want to remember. However, she is no match for the force known as Cassie and Marvin, and that is how she finds herself on a plane back to North Carolina. For the past five years, Y/N has done everything in her power to not step foot on the island again and now, it is all for nothing. “Please fasten your seat belts, we are preparing for landing,” the pilot’s voice stirs Y/N from her slumber. She can’t believe this is actually happening right now. The elderly lady beside her smiles at her, “First time going to North Carolina?” “Uh, no. I actually grew up there, in the Outer Banks, but I haven’t been back since I left. It feels a little weird,” she answers honestly. 

“Ahh, so you were running from something.” 

“Yeah, I was. But it looks like I can’t anymore. I just hope that something isn’t there anymore.”

The plane lands and Y/N gets her bags from the carousel. She waits for Mason in the pick-up area, running towards him when she spots his car. Mason crushes Y/N in a hug, “It’s so good to see you back on American soil. This is long overdue.” Y/N pats his back while returning the hug. “Yeah, yeah. It’s good to be home. Did Lace get Sparky here okay?” Mason picks her suitcase up and packs it into his trunk, “Yep, he’s probably being a little energy ball in our living room as we speak.” They both laugh at the joke and then hop into the car. “So how’s your internship at the architectural firm? Is it different from the one in Toronto?” she asks her brother, bringing her hand to the locket around her neck. Heading back to the Outer Bank is causing her to be anxious and playing with the locket calms her down. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Mason that she still wears the necklace and is playing with it. 

“It’s going well. Most buildings that people look into getting built here are a different style than in Toronto. OBX wants beach boxes, while Toronto has a wide range of styles. It’s really fascinating watching how my boss’ designs still match to look different from one another.”

“That’s cool. I like the name beach box. It sounds fun. Like a giant sandbox. And are you enjoying it?”

“Yeah, I really am. Although, I do want to see if I can get an internship in an Asian country afterwards. They have a different style that’s interesting. How is the bookstore coming along?”

“A little stressful right now to be honest. Juggling my book edits and what I need to change or add so that the building is up to code and now being here. It’s all just a little too much. At least, I have a name Bookkeeper. It’s gonna confuse people who actually know what that career is but I think it’s funny.”

“It is a good name. It’s very punny.”

“Ugh, that was so bad.”

———

One of the worst places to be is her childhood bedroom. The countless days they spent cuddling on the bed haunts her. The love they expressed physically all over the room is practically engrained in her brain. She had never been able to feel that way again. She unpacks her clothes into her closet and goes to check on Sparky downstairs. He was left down there because she didn’t want him sitting on her suitcase like he did when she was packing her bags in London. He has gotten bigger and he has a little bit of an attachment issue. He doesn’t like being very far from his Mommy for very long. Y/N’s heart drops to the pit of her stomach when she sees the open front door and bolts out of it in hopes of catching her dog before he gets too far. 

She follows his barks like a trail of breadcrumbs to the sidewalk. If her heart wasn’t already giving her problems, it certainly is now. The sight before her is one she never thought she would see again. Rafe Cameron is kneeling down and petting Sparky. Beside him is a beautiful woman in a sundress. Her long black hair cascades down her shoulders and her brown almond-shaped eyes show such warmth behind them. Her makeup is done to absolute perfection. Y/N slowly approaches the trio without hesitation. She doesn’t want to go near Rafe, but seeing as it doesn’t look like Sparky is nowhere near going home, she had to go get him.

 “Hey Sparky, long time no see. It’s good to see you again, Bubba. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for ya. You’ve gotten so big,” she hears him greet. As she approaches, she accidentally steps on a stick and the crack alerts the others to her presence. “Hey,” she awkwardly begins. “I’m just here for my dog.” Rafe nods and stands up, moving to wrap his hand around the woman’s waist. “Uh, yeah. I remember a time when he used to be my dog too.” Sensing the tension, his companion introduces herself, “Hi, I’m Blythe Katsumi. I’m Rafe’s fiancée.” Blythe sticks her hand out for Y/N to shake, which she does. “I’m Y/N Y/L/N. Rafe’s- uh…this is Sparky.”

“It’s okay. I know you were his high school girlfriend. He told me about you.”

“Right. And he didn’t tell me about you.”

Rafe rolls his eyes and huffs, “Yeah, well it’s not like we were doing a lot of talking in the last five years. What are you doing here, Y/L/N?” 

“You mean besides looking for my dog, in front of my house? The better question is what are you doing here Rafe?”

“I have every right to be here because unlike you, I’ve been coming back home.”

Before Y/N can retort, Blythe stops the conversation from going any further. “Well, it was lovely meeting you, but we need to go. We have to get some stuff ready for the engagement party.” Blythe waves goodbye and takes Rafe’s hand to walk away. This draws Y/N attention to Blythe's left hand with the giant diamond engagement ring. This causes a stabbing feeling to shoot through Y/N’s heart. Her hand shoots up to her locket and she begins to rub it for some comfort. This action doesn’t go unnoticed by Rafe as he catches it from the corner of his eye.

———

Everyone has their own vices. Cheating. Gambling. Alcohol. Lying. Rafe’s is drugs. There was a period of time in his life when weed was not the outlet he turned to when in need of getting out of his own head. That one blissful year he had with her was his escape instead. But after the breakup, weed was the only thing that made him forget about her. Eventually, he became numb to the weed and he needed something stronger, so Barry introduced him to cocaine. Mason didn’t know that Rafe had stepped it up in the drug department because if Mason knew, he would’ve found some way to get Rafe to stop. And Rafe didn’t want to, he needed to escape the feeling of being consumed by her. 

Before today, Rafe had managed to go a month without thinking about her at all. It was his highest record in the past five years they had been apart. There was no bookstore he walked by with a girl quite similar to her standing at the window. No hard kombucha in Mason’s fridge to indicate that she had been there. No caramel ice cream at the parlour that she would beg him to buy. It was like the universe was giving him a break from being haunted by Y/N. It seems the universe is done with giving him that gift because as he drives to Barry’s house, he is drowning in thoughts of her. He loved seeing Sparky, of course, but why did she have to come back? He couldn’t get the smell of her hibiscus body wash out of his mind. The sweet but gentle tropical scent she wore contradicted the foggy and rainy place she had moved to. Her hair is held back in a claw clip he used to play with whenever she would leave them around. 

And the thing that had really caused him to spiral is her hand still holding the locket he had given her for their first Christmas as a couple. Has she been wearing it for the past five years? Had she worn it while she let other men make her feel good, but nowhere near as good as he can make her feel? Would she wear it when she told them she loved them? But most importantly, how dare she come back to what is now only his island and wear it as if she cared for him? She hasn’t been back in years or talked to him; she doesn’t get to pretend like she’s thought about him. It is driving him crazy and he needed something to stop him from going too deep down this rabbit hole. 

Barry hears Rafe’s motorbike and is waiting outside for him. “Well, well, well, look who came back from the dead. Thought you went sober on me for a second there, country club. What can I get you for you?”

“However much you got. I got a feeling that I’m gonna be needing it more often.”

He knew he would need whatever he got his hands on to help him forget about her because if he didn’t then he would remember. And it would probably kill him to remember just how his heart almost leapt out of his chest when he saw Y/N Y/L/N right before his eyes.

———

When they broke up, Mason told both of them that he would not be used as a source to find out more about the other. He said it was for his own sanity in not wanting to be caught in the middle of his sister and best friend, but it was also in hopes that it would cause discourse between the two that would lead to their reunification. So it made sense that Mason would keep an engagement from her. But she still needed more information that she would give Mason no other choice but to give her. “How long have they been together, Mace?” Mason closes his eyes in a silent prayer that he isn’t about to have this painful conversation with his sister. He lifts his head from his laptop and turns towards her, “A year and a month. They’ve known each other for a year and a half.” 

“How long have they been engaged?”

“Four months.”

“Did you help him propose?”

“He didn’t ask.”

“How come you didn’t tell me?”

At this, Mason can hear the sadness in his sister’s voice. He knew no matter how much she says she is over Rafe, it isn’t true. It’s why she still wears his locket after all. He knew she needed to know though. 

“You know I don’t want to get in between you two. Also, I just didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want to tell you something that would hurt you so much. I love you and I want to protect you from that pain.” 

“Yeah, I get that. It just would’ve hurt less if it came from you,” she whispers, not knowing what else to ask or add to the conversation. She turns around and goes to her room, where she finds Sparky waiting for her. He gives her a pouty look, asking how come he couldn’t go with his Daddy. She sits down on her bed beside him and places his head on her lap, “I’m sorry, Bubba. But I did what I had to do. Breaking up with him was necessary. I mean I set him free and look at him now, he is getting married.” It hurt. It hurt that he was okay with marrying Blythe before he turned twenty-five. He wanted to speed up his life plan two years earlier just for Blythe. How come he was willing to do that for Blythe but not for Y/N? Was Blythe really that much better than her?

Doing what any other girl would do, Y/N resolves to some internet sleuthing. It wasn’t that hard to find Blythe’s Instagram. She has a public account and Mason is following her. She has an impressive 500K followers; probably because she is the heiress to a popular Japanese hotel chain. All her posts have her makeup done to perfection and her clothes are all designer. One of her saved reels is of her and Rafe partying on New Year's Eve. At least Blythe can keep up with Rafe on that level. Y/N moves her search to Google and finds Blythe’s Wikipedia page. She was born in New York and raised there. She attended UNC for fashion. From multiple tabloid pictures, she can tell that the party scene is one Blythe frequent but she is also a sweet girl. In one picture, she is giving her jacket to a homeless person along with some money when she is returning home from a party. She helps out at soup kitchens and takes children out on shopping sprees. Y/N supposes that Blythe could just be doing it for the media attention, but the look in Blythe’s eyes tells her it isn’t true. 

After finding out possibly everything she could find out about Blythe, Y/N turns all of her electronic devices off to stop her from spiralling on social media anymore. She heads over to her bookshelf in need of a bookish escape. Her eyes glance over the different titles until her eyes find one particular book she had not thought about it in a while. She pulls the book off the shelf and opens it up to the title page with the inscription on it. The copy of The Lightning Thief that Rafe had annotated sits before her. She had left it here when she went to university because it felt too hard to bring with her. It held too much meaning. As she sits down on her window sill, she begins to read the book with a special focus on the inscriptions. She reads for hours, allowing herself to feel every bit of emotion that passes through her. God, it hurts to be back home.

Taglist: @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @gillybear17 @f4ll-for-you

[blade-that-was-broken]

As we know why Bruce changed from Spruce to Bruce to leave the whole band thing behind in the original (If I’m correct-)

But there’s some AUs of yours that the band doesn’t exist, but Spruce still did change his name to Bruce, why did he do that?

About Solder AU

For some reason I’m mad and disappointed in BroZone’s parents.

Do Mom really hates John Dory? Do Dad not care about his four young sons?

Why did they keep their sons away from seeing each other?

What they did was really stupid and worse. Divorced or not, having siblings separated isn’t great idea. Poor Branch…

(I know he doesn’t remember John Dory)

I’m glad that all brothers are finally going to reunite and Bruce and Clay giving John Dory a chance even if John Dory wasn’t sure if they want him back.

Alright!

This gets just a bitttt long.

For Bruce's name the short answer is I'm just kind of lazy lol.

In my other human au, Half Life, there is a notion that Spruce doesn't like his name. It has nothing to do with a band or an old identity, like in canon but it does kind of include him moving on. It's actually kind of the opposite a little bit of canon and the band thing? Like, in Half Life, Spruce moves on my owning his name and learning to like it. It's his and no one can take that away. Sure, it's kind of weird and yeah, his parents gave it to him - but it's something that he confronts and works through, kind of like a metaphor(?) for him confronting and working through his feelings on what he has been through.

In Soldier On, I was mostly just lazy. I didn't think about it. The whole concept was really just that little snippet and I wasn't planning on doing anything else at the time so I just wrote Bruce. So, idk, maybe he changed his name in this au or maybe he was born/named Bruce. You can decide lol

As for Soldier On Specifically in the other questions...

Luckily, none of the bros actually blame John for pretty much any of this. Granted, it would be hard to be upset at all considering what he has been through and also that they kinda forgot about HIM. John Dory has some feelings and some reservations about all this. He loves them but he knows he's not always easy to get along with and considering the last part of his upbringing, he's got some doubts, mostly in himself.

Branch doesn't remember JD but he remembers little things, feelings, mostly. He can hum/possibly sing an old song that no one knows how he knows. No one knows where it came from. Well, no one knows because it was JD who made it up and sung it to him as a baby. A lot. So, it's almost kind of engrained accidentally? They do end up getting along.

As for their parents...

The mom doesn't hate John and the dad does care about his other kids; it was just the tail end of an extremely long and drawn out fight where no one really won. The divorce was brutal, bitter and messy. I'm talking no holds barred nasty. Now, I do want to say, that the dad was not abusive; he didn't beat up his wife or make the whole thing traumatizing for her. They aren't divorcing because she's trying to get away from her crazy ex husband. That is NOT what happened. They were mean and cruel to each other but this is not one sided and the mom is not a victim of domestic violence. I'm not saying the dad is better than her but I do want to point that out.

The only - sort of - compromise that the two of them were ever able to make was the dad getting the oldest son, aka John. There are reasons for this, partially because John could live where their father was going to take him and not be super dependent, partially becomes lets face it, courts will favor the mother and if he fought her more over the kids, he was going to lose. Not because he's worse (they both kinda suck) but because that's the way things work.

The mom dealt with things by cutting out her ex husband. Instead of trying to work together for the sake of their kids, she shut down and didn't want to think of her ex husband at all. She literally tried to cut him out of her life and since John had to go with said ex husband, she put him in the same boat. She erased his memory, as if he was never there. She did a lot, moving away and didn't tell anyone, got new phones, erased phone numbers and contacts and call history. She did not want her ex husband to have any influence or thought in her life and since John was with him - that included him.

The dad kind of lost fight. He was able to have the company of one kid - the kid who liked the outdoorsy things - and knew the future would not include the others. He moved up north into a place that wasn't very populated. Lived a very, very simple life. More survived than lived. I'm talking probably a log cabin in the middle of the woods kind of living. He accepted what happened and just kind of stopped. He did things with John, mostly fishing, hunting, other outdoor-nature things and he didn't systematically destroy his son's memory like their mother. However, he didn't talk about them either and eventually come to prefer the company of the bottle or a smoke when the subject of his other sons come up. John became extremely self-sufficient very quickly.

There grew some resentment in JD, for sure. Neither parent dealt with any of this really well and in the end, it's not technically what killed them, it was definitely a contributing factor. Both parents died pretty young, although of different causes. The kids were really the ones who lost. In their fight against one another and trying to forget about one another, they brought that all on their kids instead.

While the younger boys lived a busy life with a semi struggling mother trying to drown out any memory or talk of their father and brother, John spent his teenage years in loneliness and virtual silence.

It shows.

[ofstarsandfireflies]

So, you guys remember how 50 First dates was Tony losing his memory? That’s because I wanted this movie to be about Stephen losing his!

Tony remembered that night.

He remembered how it had ended with them in the hospital, he being the first to wake up and finding his husband still hadn’t come out of his coma.

He remembered waiting for Stephen to wake up, and how his hands had needed surgery after excessive surgery.

And he remembered, when Stephen had finally opened his eyes, how Stephen had looked at him.

Like he was a stranger.

Guess he had to be the one to remember for the both of them now.

Stephen didn’t buy he was married to Tony Stark, and not because he was a billionaire, but because Stephen wasn’t into men.

He was engaged to Christine for a reason.

So, side stepping that bombshell, Tony told him how they’d met during a battle when Stephen had saved Tony’s bacon with his wizard powers.

And Stephen just stared at him.

He had powers? Like magic powers? When had that happened?

And Tony felt like an idiot when he had to remind Stephen that he’d quit being a Doctor when one of the patients he’d saved showed him he could be saving far more lives.

Stephen shook his head, trying to wrap his head around all of this.

He wasn’t a Doctor anymore? But he loved his profession, had spent years of his youth to become the best.

But now he was a wizard married to Tony Stark?

It was all too much, and coupled with what his hands had become, Stephen yelled at Tony to get out.

So Tony did, knowing Stephen needed some time.

But the next day when he went to see him, Tony found he had other visitors.

His parents.

Tony glared at Stephen’s father as he and his wife tried to persuade Stephen to come live with them and talker over Tony when he told them that the best thing for Stephen to regain his memory was to come home with him.

But Stephen didn’t want to.

He didn’t know Tony Stark and just seeing him made him so confused about the person he’d apparently become.

Stephen wasn’t that man anymore. Whoever he had been was gone, and the best thing was to go back to the life he remembered.

Tony couldn’t let that happen, he couldn’t lose him to his asshole parents, so the next day as Stephen was being discharged, Tony sprinted to his room with the proof he was sure would convince Stephen to come home with him.

After scouring everything he had, he’d come up with a voicemail, Stephen listening as his own voice talked about how he couldn’t focus on an ancient manuscript because every word just morphed into Tony’s name, which seemed to be its purpose.

Stephen’s parents weren’t happy when their son decided to go with Tony instead of them, but they told him to call them if he needed them at all and let him go.

The first night could have been much better.

Tony had invited Wong, Rhodey and Pepper to see him for a quiet get together but word had gotten out and every Avenger and their plus 1 filled their house, Stephen getting the shock of his life when he walked in and the first thing to come flying at him was a red cloak overjoyed to see him and floating by itself.

Stephen locked himself in the bedroom after that, Tony having to apologise to everyone and bring the welcome home party he hadn’t meant to happen to an early close.

He just kept screwing up.

He left the video of their wedding out as proof for Stephen to watch, Stephen ran out of the house and got lost, making Tony sick with worry

He tried massaging Stephen’s shoulders when he became overwhelmed by the years he had lost, making Stephen snap at him that he didn’t like to be touched there when Tony knew he loved it.

He tried to get Stephen into practicing his magic again, resulting in them yelling at one another because Tony was just trying to help him.

But the absolute breaking point was when Stephen’s old friends, and especially his ex fiancé, Christine, came back into their lives.

And Stephen remembered them.

He could remember them, but not Tony.

He could remember doing things Tony would never have dreamt Stephen of doing.

And he could remember his feelings for Christine, deciding he’d rather much flirt with her than even look at his husband.

And it hurt.

It hurt when Stephen started dressing different, wearing far more expensive clothes that Tony knows his Stephen wouldn’t wear on the daily.

It hurt when he started acting different, thinking he was still the high and mighty surgeon he’d been before he and Tony had even met.

It even hurt when Stephen dyed his hair black completely to erase the white strands at the sides Tony loved to run his fingers through and erasing Stephen’s promise to keep them because Tony loved them so much.

And how, despite being married to him, never once acknowledging their marriage or trying to let Tony back in to his life.

No, all his attention was on Christine.

He couldn’t remember how or why they had broken up, and Christine didn’t have any answers for him either, just letting him know that Stephen had been the one to end it.

Which was weird because he and Christine has been perfect for each other.

He’d proposed to her and then a few weeks before the wedding he’d just ended it?

Christine didn’t want to rehash old memories, but when Stephen kissed her goodbye and it went on for a little too long, she didn’t pull away either.

Tony has one last trick up his sleeve though. He’s not about to give up his husband that easily.

So, feeling ridiculous but confident, Tony asks his husband out on a date.

And little things that Stephen used to do around him start to poke their way through.

Like when Stephen’s hands are cold and he holds them out to Tony to warm them for him.

Or when Stephen winks at him when they clink their glasses together.

It’s small details that are engrained into Tony’s mind, details that tell him the man he fell in love with and married is still in there somewhere fighting to be heard.

But when Tony tells him he loves him, Stephen doesn’t say it back.

Tony wants to hold on to the relationship, on to Stephen, but when he finds out about his husband throwing himself at Christine, he knows they have to start being realistic.

No matter how much Tony wants Stephen’s memory to come back, no matter how much he wants to go back to how things used to be, the truth of the matter is they aren’t.

They won’t.

All they are, is miserable.

So Tony does what Stephen wants him to do.

He signs the divorce papers.

The ones with Stephen’s signature already on them.

He packs Stephen’s things up for him, and loads them into the car waiting outside.

And just like that, Stephen is gone from his life.

He loses himself in work so he doesn’t have to think about how empty his life is now, he helps out with everything he can in the hopes that when he does eventually crash and fall asleep he won’t dream of Stephen’s face.

Nothing helps though.

Not until a year or so later when he comes home to find Stephen sitting on his porch, eyes red and body hunched in on itself to appear smaller.

And once Tony sits down beside him, Stephen demands the truth.

He wants to know why he stopped talking to his parents in the first place. And while Tony tries to find the right words, Stephen asks him another question.

Did it have anything to do with his sexuality.

And Tony was ready to fly into rage.

They hated it when Stephen realised who he truly was, how he truly felt about himself, and when he ended the engagement with Christine it just added fuel to the slur fire, making Stephen walk out on the people he’d thought would accept him with an offer to learn magic instead of working in the same profession as his father.

They wanted to control everything about him, but Stephen wouldn’t let them and had cut all ties with them as he built the life he wanted to live on his own terms.

And when they had come back into his life years later because of the accident, Tony didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth because Stephen had a second chance to be with his family again, something Tony would never have.

Even if they were assholes back then, they’d obviously wanted Stephen back in their lives.

And Tony couldn’t take that away from him.

Stephen smiled at him, Tony’s eyes catching on the grey hairs which hadn’t been dyed over again.

He was back to square one with his magic, having to relearn everything but was making incredible progress, surprised what his hands remembered.

And he was single.

Which was good, because Tony wasn’t seeing anyone either, and had the night off.

Stephen might not remember the years they’d had together, but that didn’t mean they could make new memories.

Quotes

“I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness, and to have the patience that love demands. To speak when words are needed and to share thebsilce when they’re not. To agree to disagree on red velvet cake. And to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.”

“Wow, you set the bar kind of high. Did you write your vows on a menu?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once-in-a-lifetime love. And to always knownon the deepest part of my soul that no matter what challenges might carry us apart, that we’ll always find the way back to each other.”

The vows they took.

“It was like she was some sweater-set wearing, mojito-drinking sorority girl.”

“Like a Stepford wife?”

“Yeah, basically. She was even flirting with Jeremy right in front of me.”

“Ex-fiancé Jeremy?”

“Oh no, no, no. In her mind, it’s current fiancé Jeremy. Which was why it was probably pretty annoying to have her stranger husband cock-block her all night.”

Tony seeing the new...old...Stephen.

“Can you just turn down the music, please?”

“I swear you used to listen to it so much louder than this. I never could understand how you would be able to focus-“

“I have a clinically bad, goddamn headache! Please turn down the music!”

“I’m trying to help you! But I am not your punching bag. We don’t speak to each other like this. This is hard for me too, Paige.”

Tony and Stephen fighting.

“What the hell were you thinking?”

“I don’t know. That’s a really good question, because I have been driving myself insane, making a complete ass of myself! Literally trying everything possible to try to save what we have. And you’ve been throwing yourself at Jeremy.”

“That’s not fair.”

“It’s not fair? I see the way you look at him. I know...because you used to look at me that way.”

Tony realising he’s lost Stephen.

Say We’re Still Okay

With Stephen’s memory of him and their life together wiped after the accident, Tony has to make his husband fall in love with him all over again.

January, February

Missed a Day? Catch up here!

Day 1 Day 2 Day 3 Day 4 Day 5

[sunflowersteves]

cheaters never prosper || ch. 1

summary || Steve told you that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you but he sure has a funny way of showing it. 

author’s note || Based on the song “Sorry” by Beyonce. For the storyline to make sense. Also, I’m sorry to Sharon fans. She’s the only character I can recall with blonde hair. Hope you all enjoy it!

warning || angst, cheating, mentions of sex, asshole Steve, swearing

m.list // ch. 2

Looking at my watch he should’ve been home

Today I regret the night I put that ring on 

He always got them fucking excuses 

I pray the Lord you reveal what his truth is

You knew that Tony didn’t keep him in the compound offices until 4 AM. Bucky had even told you that Steve was going to head out around 5:00 pm when everyone else does because all he had was paperwork from the last mission. You twirled the wedding ring that clenched around your finger. It almost felt suffocating. You looked back at all those moments he canceled dates or forgot important ones. 

Stevie: Sorry, babe. I got caught up with work. I can take you out next Tuesday?

Stevie: Happy Birthday! Sorry, it’s so late. Work kept me up.

Stevie: Happy anniversary! I can’t make dinner tonight but I ordered you flowers.

Stevie: Won’t be home for dinner. Sorry.

Stevie: Don’t wait up. Work.

You weren’t an idiot. You knew about her. Another woman.

You’ve never felt so lonely.  It’s hard to even remember the last time he made love to you. But you still remembered. With the memories still engrained, your body burned with the feeling of him. When he would fuck you, it would be so good. Headboard banging against the wall as he pounded straight into you. He used to love the whimpers that came out of your mouth. He used to love the way your skin felt, slapping against his. He used to love aftercare, cleaning you both up then cuddling up into you, legs intertwined. He’d whisper how much he loved you and how he wanted a life with you, a family with you. That’s what he would tell you, anyway.

You shook your head, tears falling down your face making the sheets soaked. This wasn’t how your life was supposed to go. You wanted to stay married, have kids, settle down near the compound. But that’s just a dream. You knew you weren’t the most perfect person. You were stubborn and sometimes hard to deal with but you thought he loved that about you. 

Middle fingers up, put ‘em hands high

Wave it in his face, tell him, boy bye

Tell him, boy, bye, middle fingers up

I ain’t thinking ‘bout you

“You’re being ridiculous! I’m not cheating on you! How can you not trust me?!” You stopped vigorously washing the dishes and turned your body towards him. “Not trust you? Steve! How can I trust you when you leave the compound at 5:00 pm and not come back until 4:00 am. How can I trust you when you’re never even here?! How can I trust you when Bucky says you’re in one place but you give an excuse of somewhere different. Then, you come home, smelling like perfume! I’m not stupid, you asshole.” 

His facade faltered as he knew you were right. He was a cheater. He broke your heart. He knew you would find out eventually. He was such a horrible person. The one thing he didn’t want to do is hurt you but he can see he’s already done that. He messed up and he doesn’t think he’ll be able to fix his mistake this time. “Y/N...Babe, I’m so sorry-”

“You know what? Fuck you. Fuck you, you lying cheating ass.” You lifted up your middle fingers straight into his face. “I didn’t mean to hurt you like this, I’m so sorry.” He tried to get you to stay, to talk to you about all of this, to fix his mistakes. You waved him off, it’s too late for that. “I never meant for it to last this long.” You were just getting more indignant as he kept talking. You didn’t want to break down in front of him either. “I’m leaving. Don’t wait up, asshole.” You grabbed your jacket and your keys and slammed the door behind you. He started to weep, head deep into his hands as he thinks about his choices. Was a little fling really worth destroying his whole marriage?

Now I’m the one that’s lying

And I don’t feel bad about it

It’s exactly what you get

Stop interrupting my grindin’

You were never home as much as he wasn’t before you confronted him. Steve would come home to see the couch, bed, and guest bed empty. He knew he deserved it but he couldn’t help but feel his mistakes weigh in on him. His heart crushed in on itself but he couldn’t even imagine what you felt. What if the roles had been switched?

- - 

Most nights you would go to a club near the Upper West Side. Far away from Brooklyn as possible. Far away from him. You had lied to Steve telling him that you and Nat were hanging out. He knew it was a lie. Your tell was an eyebrow twitch and it had, in fact, twitched. 

You were grinding on a guy you just met, music pounding into your ears. It had felt nice to not be engulfed by him for once. The guy had told you his name was Sam. He had offered you a drink but you declined, needing to drive home at some point. “Driving? In New York City?” You laughed and explained your situation, having the pleasure of knowing Tony Stark. Sam was very charming, teasing you left and right. He was such a kind person, soft even, and oh so handsome. He stopped dancing and froze, seeing your hands. “You um... Married?” You looked down, your fingers grazed the band. You shook your head, tears springing to your eyes but not falling. 

He frowned. He pulled you aside to give you some space from all the dancers. He wrapped an arm around you, shushing you as you cried. “I’m so sorry. I completely ruined your night.” He shook his head and told you how much fun he was having. He told you that you hadn’t ruined anything. As you explained, more tears ran down your face. “He cheated… I know I still have the ring on but part of me… is still attached, you know? I came here to forget about him but... All I can think about is him. It’s silly, I know.” Sam stopped you. “Hey, it’s not silly. It’s not to the same extent, I know, but I had a girlfriend that cheated on me in high school.” “Yeah?” He rubbed his hand up and down your shoulder.

“Yeah, She cheated on me with Brad. She didn’t even tell the guy we were dating.” You both laughed together all night about stories of exes and eventually about each other. You were both getting a little too drunk (you gave in and had a couple of drinks with him) so you decided to leave. “Hey, whenever you drop that dickwad and are ready to date again? Give me a call.” He winked at you and you giggled before you left. You called an Uber, deciding to leave your car at the club for now.

Steve had ended up tracking you from his phone. He told himself that it was for your safety, that he was just checking to see if you were okay. In reality, he was nosy and wanted to see if he if his suspicions were right. (They were).

You walked out of the club with a light smile, Sam’s phone number clutched in your hand. Steve stood in front of you, tapping his feet. “What are you doing here, Y/N? Especially rubbing your ass all over other guys. We’re married!” He knew it was a low blow but he couldn’t help but be angry. He was jealous. “Oh, you don’t get to do that shit. Not with me. I will grind on every single person in there if I want to. As far as I’m concerned, you never have had control over me. And you will never!” He stared at you, wide eyed. “And for the record, you cheated! Not me! Maybe think of that the next time you try and ridicule somebody.” You paused, taking your ring off of your finger. “You know what? Here, I’ll make it easier for you.” You shoved the ring into his hand and sauntered off, not missing the sad guilty look on Steve’s face. “See you at home, Steve.”

I left a note in the hallway

By the time you read it, I’ll be far away

I’m far away

“I’m leaving him.” Bucky sighed as you handed him the note you wrote. He started to read it as a tear rolled down your face. What was Steve thinking? You were fun, smart, kind, and fuck, so beautiful. Hell, Bucky was the first one to hit on you when you introduced yourself to the team. But he knew it wasn’t those attributes. It was Steve. He was insecure that you would leave him for someone who doesn’t go on missions or put your life in danger. He wanted you to leave him for those reasons. He wanted you to be with someone who wasn’t PTSD ridden with nightmares from his past. It was his own insecurities that clouded his mind and made him act out on them. It had nothing to do with you. Both him and Bucky knew that. Bucky just wished he would have talked to you instead of putting his dick in another woman.

Bucky nodded. “Good. I think leaving him is the right choice. Nat and I have agreed to offer you to stay here as long as you need it. Never think you’re alone in this, Sugar.” You hugged him and thanked him greatly. You knew without Bucky and Nat, you would be struggling even more. The thought of support made your heart soar. Why couldn’t he have just talked to you? Tell you after the first time that it was just a mistake. But it’s too far now. You didn’t even know how long this has been going on. Honestly? You didn’t really want to know. Too long, was the answer. 

Tears flowed down your eyes and down your chin. “Oh... Honey… It’s alright.” You barely heard Bucky, too engrossed in your thoughts. “Why me? Why did he do this to me? What’s so wrong with me that he-” Bucky enveloped you into a big hug, Nat came into the room once she heard crying. She and Bucky share a knowing look. She knelt down in front of you and spoke softly. “Honey, you know it’s not you. You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve anything that puts you in harm’s way, you’re too pure. You shine brighter than anyone, Y/N. Always remember that.” Nat wiggled her eyebrows. “And who knows? Maybe that Sam guy will be the one!” You rolled your eyes at her but nevertheless giggled.

You laid in Bucky and Nat’s guest bedroom, you couldn’t sleep with all of the thoughts running through your head. You didn’t want to leave Steve. Especially after three years of marriage but you knew it was time. It was time to move on with your life. Time to let go of a life you can’t have. Of a person, you can’t have. 

He only want me when I’m not there

He better call Becky with the good hair 

“Do you love her?” “I-I.. I don’t know. I love you, Y/N.” Your face immediately turned into a scowl. “No. You don’t get to fucking do that. I will not sit here and let you say you love me when you don’t. Maybe you did at one point but you cannot truly love someone if you fucked another person. You’re despicable, Rogers.”

That hit him like a train. You hadn’t called him Rogers since you met him at the compound. It felt like his heart had stopped beating. “Y/N, please��� Can we talk about this?”

“I hope she treats you well, Rogers. Better call Sharon now so she can pick your sorry ass up. In your eyes? Nobody can beat a Carter.” You picked up the last bit of your boxes and left the room, shutting the front door with your foot. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you drove away, looking at that house just one more time. 

Steve had the note clutched in his hand, getting tears all over the paper. He didn’t care though. All Steve can hear is the sound of his heart pounding in his ears and your car driving away. He cursed himself for being so stupid. He didn’t know what he had until it was gone. But he should know that cheaters never prosper. 

chapter two

[dontshootmespence]

Quiet Rolling Thunder

Chapter 7

Y/N looked down and noticed how her hands trembled. She didn’t even remember being this afraid at the time, probably because she was so hopped up on adrenaline in the moment that she didn’t have time to be scared. 

Dr. Santos glanced down at her hands and immediately tried to calm her. “You are not there anymore. You are here and you are safe.”

She took a few deeps breaths and sank back into the couch. 

“What happened after he brought you into the alley?” Dr. Santos. “Remember, he’s not here are you are safe.”

For a moment, she closed her eyes and brought herself back to that place. Emily could see a tear forming behind her eye, and Rossi could see her, beating herself up over something she couldn’t control. It seemed to be a BAU trait. You had to beat yourself up on the daily in order to take this job. 

Reaching over, he grabbed Emily’s hand and gave it a squeeze. Emily appreciated the fatherly gesture even if it didn’t make her feel all that much better. 

When Y/N opened her eyes, a tear fell, but her hands were steady, floating through the air. “He spun me around and pinned me to the wall. His right hand came around my throat.” Her own hand hung gently around her throat before she started again. “That’s when I noticed the tattoo he had. I know it was a Celtic tattoo and I know where it was, but I can’t see any details in the design. I’m sorry.”

Emily so desperately wanted to tell her it was okay, but she put her head in Rossi’s shoulder and allowed Dr. Santos to do her job. “That’s okay,” the doctor said. “Move on from the tattoo. What happened next?”

Swallowing hard, Y/N attempted to let go of her guilt for not remembering more about the tattoo. “Then he pulled out the knife,” she signed, her lip quivering in fear. “It had the etching of an eagle holding an anchor on it. He was lean, but not amazingly muscular, and slightly over 6 feet tall.”

“What else can you tell me about him?” Dr. Santos asked. Y/N was holding her own right now, so as long as she was willing and able to push herself, Dr. Santos was going to continue.

Her nose wrinkled and she grimaced. “He stunk of alcohol. But he didn’t seem out of control...you know what I mean? He was stumbling or anything. He had control of his movements.”

That made sense given the profile. Navy Seals were notoriously, driven, strong and composed. “Was there anything else noticeable about him? Could you see if he said anything to you?”

Y/N’s eyes widened as the scene continued to play out in her head. “He said something. I saw his lips move.”

“What was it? What did he say?” Dr. Santos asked, her movements more pointed and desperate.

“Jenny. It’s like he was calling me Jenny.”

Months after he’d been in DC the last time, he returned. Lockheed finally needed him back in DC. Now was his chance to find that woman. After his meeting, he’d go back to the building she’d come out of. He assumed she worked there. 

As the exited the airport and tried to find a cab toward the hotel the company had provided for him, he pulled out his phone and dialed her number. “Jenny for fuck’s sake pick up the phone!” He growled into the phone as he once again got sent to voicemail. “Please talk to me. I wanna see my daughter. Let me talk to her. What I did was part of a mission! I didn’t have a choice. For fuck’s sake stop being a child and answer my damn calls.”

He hated what he’d had to do, but it was either that or the mission was blown, so he did what he had to do. After making the mistake of telling her (she’d hounded him to be more open with her), she left with Ariana and she’d been changing phone numbers ever since. “Call me back so we can talk. I won’t stop calling. You change your number again and I’ll find it again, so you might as well just talk to me.”

Angrily, he grumbled and stuffed his phone back in his pocket. Among the sea of people leaving the airport, he put his hand in the air and hailed a cab. “So what brings you to DC?” The driver asked as he slipped into the car.

“Business. I travel a lot for business.”

“You here from out of the country?”

He hated small talk. More than anything. But he also wanted to seem approachable and therefore above suspicion. “Yea, I grew up in Virginia. Came to DC for school. Served with the military as a Navy Seal for nearly 15 years and now I serve as an engineering consultant for Lockheed International. I live in Rome now.”

“I’ve always wanted to go there,” the driver said as he took his address and began the drive to the hotel. “I’ve heard it’s a beautiful place.”

“It is. I love it there. It’s where I always wanted to end up. Though I’m not who I expected to be with.”

The driver nodded, immediately understanding what he meant. “Relationship troubles.”

“Yea, man.”

Thankfully, the driver didn’t pry anymore. His bitch of an ex-wife was the last person he wanted to be talking about.

Once they got to the hotel, he handed the driver his fare and pulled out his phone to GPS the location of his meeting in relationship to his last target’s presumed job. About five minutes. Good. Time for him to get changed out of his meeting clothes and find her as she got out of work tomorrow.

After the cognitive interview, Emily took Y/N back to her apartment to sleep. She was emotionally exhausted. Tucking her in with a kiss, Emily left the apartment to go back to the Bureau and look up whether any of their 29 suspects had a relative or friend named Jenny.

With the new information from Y/N’s interview and nothing but paperwork in front of them, Emily told them to put it aside and refocus on Y/N’s case. They were getting closer. She could feel it.

“Garcia, I need you to run a check to see if any of these 29 names have a Jenny attached to them in any way.”

“Got it, Mamasita! Yours truly will be back when she has something!”

While Garcia was in her lair, the rest of the team combed through the files once again, all but throwing out an additional two suspects, leaving them with 27 suspects when Garcia returned nearly 2 hours later. “Ma’am, I have 4 of the 29 that have a relative or friend names Jenny.”

Emily’s eyes lit up as she called the rest of the team into the conference room. “Garcia has limited our list to 4.” She sent the files to everyone’s personal devices. “Now let’s narrow this down.”

“We have Jeremy Ledger for Navy Seal who travels all over the world as an artist now,” Spencer said. “Actually, his paintings are really good. He also only has one friend that’s in the military. I think our unsub is going to have a more personal connection with the military in regards to relatives.”

Matt chimed in. “Yea, although he was a Seal, he’s too far removed from the military now to be our guy. And his travels very, very rarely bring him to DC.”

“Okay, next,” Emily said.

The weeded out yet another possibility, a man by the name of Brent O’Connell.  He was another Navy Seal, but he was currently with them and although he’d been in the area for the first two victims, he was stationed overseas for the other two. 

“Last two,” JJ said. “Kyle Manalis and Derrin Samorodnitsky.”

Rossi’s eyes were already scanning both files and without hesitation, he pointed at one. “It’s Manalis.”

“What makes you so sure?” Tara asked. She hadn’t had a chance to read everything yet.

“Manalis is third generation Navy. His father and grandfather served. He’s also from the area, while the other is from Montana. Virginia and DC have more of a military tie in than Montana. Military is engrained in this unsub. Samorodnitsky, man that’s a mouthful, his brother is also military, but that’s the only military connection. Plus, his Jenny is his sister. Manalis’s ex-wife is Jenny. If she left him due to something he did while in the military, it would stand to reason that she set off his rage.”

“When did they get divorced?” Emily asked Garcia.

“A year ago, about a month before the first murder,” she replied shakily. “And he works as an engineering consultant for Lockheed International. The last time he was here was when Y/N was attacked.”

“Find out where he is now,” Emily commanded, giving her a sorry I’m so demanding look as Garcia walked out of the room.

While Garcia went to her office again to get tracking Manalis, Emily went back to her office. They were so close. If they were on the right track, which she was convinced them were, they had him. He just had to be in the states to have jurisdiction. 

Ten minutes later, Garcia texted:

PG: My fearless leader. Kyle Manalis is in the states for the next three days for a meeting with the Lockheed office here in DC. He’s at the Hilton hotel in DC now.

@sam-carter-in-training @coveofmemories @jamiemelyn @iammostdefinitelyonfire26 @unstoppableangel8 @reddie-for-mileven @marvelfanlife @criminal-navy-writings @trollitis @sexualemobitch @rmmalta @lukeassmanalvez @obsessed5sosfreak @sonhadoraativa @1enchantedfantasy1 @ace-and-rosey @ay-nako @twelveyearoldchildprodigy @entelechysymphony @pugs-cats-bb-8 @davidr0ssi @sarahkay-19 @remember-me-forever-silent-angel @pleasedftbaforever @veroinnumera @lookwhatyoumademequeue

[timeshuffles]

misc. headcanons

hyacinthe

traditional means of warding off vampires, such as garlic, silver, wooden stakes, religious iconography, sunlight, and sheltering in private dwellings into which she has not been invited, do not work on her.

insect repellant does.

she eats primarily fruit. enormous quantities of fruit. strictly speaking she doesn't actually need blood to survive, only to nourish her eggs. however, blood is delicious and drinking it gives her a euphoric high, so she indulges in its consumption as often as possible.

she, like the sleeper and the thing under the manor, is an eldritch being from somewhere else and her very presence in our plane of existence breeds corruption and decay. she has been here since the world began, but is much older than that; for as long as there has been life to feed upon, she has existed in one form or another.

and by extension she cannot be killed, not really. her physical body can be destroyed but the primordial force that animates it will simply restore it to life or create a new one.

her blood is the essence of her power; it is corruptive, incredibly addictive, and preys upon the disposition  of the person consuming it — a sensitive artist might be plunged into constant night terrors and vivid hallucinations, while a tough athlete might experience violent rages and unnatural bursts of strength. the only consistent symptom is an intense, all-consuming euphoria while under the effects; everything else is just the blood turning the drinker into an exaggerated nightmare version of themselves. prolonged exposure also causes mutation into increasingly arthropoid forms.

you know how female spiders sometimes eat males in the middle of mating with them? yeah.

delia

autistic. i don't make the rules

grabbing the make-believe glass lydia toasts with while joking about poisoning one of charles's business associates & smashing it with complete seriousness, and getting fully into the spirit of bj's let's-kill-people "game show" ("don't worry otho, we'll put you in the souuul box!") are both manifestations of how she copes with not being great at picking up cues — she can't rly tell when people are joking or not so she just. commits to playing along with complete earnestness and this habit is now so engrained she sticks to it even when a literal demon is planning her death

she quotes otho all. the. time. bc she feels he really helped her through the darkest times of her life and she desperately wants to help other people but doesn't quite know how so she repeats his sayings verbatim bc if they helped her they'll help other people too, 

her cat is named amethyst and he fucking ADORES her and snuggles with her as often is possible but WILL jump onto the highest available surface and glare imperiously at anyone else who so much as looks at him and so help you if you try to pet him 

she got sucked into an mlm scheme once when she was in college and is now extremely vocally anti-mlm

never had a horse girl phase growing up bc horses are scary

was born on february 29 and refuses to celebrate her birthday except on leap years  because she feels that having a birthday party only once every four years makes it more special

dee dee

dated joanne for like a month one time. they broke up bc joanne kept calling her tony awards participation trophies

she has congenital prosopagnosia, which is the main reason she comes off as exceedingly narcissistic — she can't recognize faces, so she almost never remembers names and has terrible difficulty keeping track of other factual information about people.

(she is of course also actually a narcissist, but contrary to popular opinion that has very little to do with her inability to remember things about people.)

she always, always, always comes out the stage door no matter how awful the weather or how sick or tired she might feel; it's a huge shot of validation and praise and people wanting selfies and so on and bc of that it's frequently the best part of her day.

was stalked by a fan once and is still kind of nervous about it happening again

her first tony was for swallow the moon and her second was for a revival of follies wherein she played phyllis stone

the latter was won on in the midst of her very public and very messy divorce from ed sharpe and her acceptance speech 100% included a "thank you to my EX husband" and a joke about how yes, she could leave him. no one does petty like dee dee allen

elaine

lesbian

has always been at least vaguely cognizant of the narrator's influence in her life but didn't know what it was until she crossed paths with the witch; specifically as a character in the story she wasn't able to directly see or hear the one telling it until her first direct exposure to magic via breaking the curse of ugliness on the witch.

by vaguely cognizant i mean she had this feeling of entrapment and discomfort all her life but could never quite put it to words; like — she has everything she ever thought she wanted except for a child so she's happy but in reality she's discontent, even miserable — the story the narrator told for her is not the life she would've lived if she had the choice

what im getting at here is the narrator straightwashed her

after the narrator is killed all the unhappiness bubbles to the surface and gets intensified by the ongoing arguments with her husband, but she never has the time to rly pick through those feelings and identify that they stem in part from just not liking men in general, which is why she immediately goes for the first stereotypical Attractive Man who looks her way and why she's so disgusted after it's over

she can't do magic but she does has the knack for it — she could learn if she tried

craves adventure and just, new experiences? she doesn't mind baking and she's quite good at it but she gets so bored doing the same thing day after day.

great pastries but her specialty as far as baking goes is rly just straight up bread. she makes the softest fluffiest rolls ever and a nutty sourdough rye bread that is renowned for miles around.

[criticalthinkingbafayr2]

FVella Ba Fa 2nd yr Critical thinking essays

Entry 1

Schon’s reflective practice.

Donald Schon’s reflective practice is one that works in-action and on-action. In-action is when one is going to do something in response to what is happening and why ex. While attempting to mix together 2 components (plaster and water) to make a mould. I notice that its forming too slowly so in response I added more plaster to solidify the mixture and why did I do this, because from previous experience I know that I might have mixed the wrong amounts and, so I now would have to correct my error by adding or else just leave as it is and start again for the next time (Meierdirk.C,2017)

This is where the on-action would occur as now what would one think after and reflect on after the event has been done. One would see how he/she could do better and continue on how they would improve themselves. As for me I would’ve hopefully learned from my mistakes and by later asking for advice on how I could’ve done it better (by for example, having mixed the parts correctly in the first place) I would have better results in the future. (Gaynor.A,2013.)

Clearly, it’s a practice that is used and should be used on the daily by many, even in the most simple and mundane situations. All can be improved upon by simply thinking and reflecting on whatever it is you’re doing or have previously done. And not just ignoring the at times simple facts and doing nothing to improve themselves even after one has done and has seen the results of their actions.

 References

Charlotte Meierdirk, 2017. Schon's Reflective Practice. [online] YouTube. Available at: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tzjz-l8L1lc> [Accessed 6 Dec. 2017].

Gaynor, A., 2013. Reflection-in-action and reflection-on-action. [online] Hhs.hud.ac.uk. Available at: <https://hhs.hud.ac.uk/lqsu/Sessionsforall/supp/Sch%C3%B6n%20reflection-in%20and%20-on%20action.pdf> [Accessed 6 Dec. 2017].

Mark K. Smith, 2005. Donald Schon (Sch�n) - learning, reflection and change. [online] Dsmgt310.faculty.ku.edu. Available at: <http://dsmgt310.faculty.ku.edu/AdditionalMaterial/Donald%20Schon%20-%20learning,%20reflection%20and%20change.htm> [Accessed 6 Dec. 2017].

  Entry 2

Arts and Crafts vs fine art are they both really art.

Arts and crafts and Fine arts both involve skill and thought, yet can have both or neither at the same time.

An example is a nicely made mass produced urinal being sold in a home improvement store and the same urinal placed on a pedestal in a museum. Are they the same or does the context give the piece it value and worth? Is it the meaning that gives it the title of an art piece or is it the execution as long as its supported by a deeper meaning? Then what about art for art sake, going back to the urinal like with Marcel Duchamp’s ‘’Fountain’’ and the Dadaists who created for the sake of creating which was is what a lot of people do, but because they have no name they get disregarded as arts and crafts at best or simply trying to be pretentious (Green.S,2017.)  

Does one have to be a devoted artist to create work or can one not be an artist and still create art works like Shia LaBeouf who mainly an actor but seems to unwillingly utilizes his fame to promote his pieces. Are they art because he got them out there or simply because he had the name behind him from another industry and utilised it for his other interest in this case fine arts and social commentary. But going back, Duchamp had already made a name for himself before exhibiting his ‘Fountain’ so that fact alone could be what made his work and art work and not some average person doing the same thing with nothing to back it up (Florczak,R.2014.)

I thought that all art is on an equal playing field but a common thing is where the average viewer thinks that some modern art piece is just trash trying to be pretentious to get attention. Then we show that same piece to art student or teacher who will tell you that that piece is so powerful and influential and could practically be called a masterpiece even though to the average viewer I might just seem as it had no thought put in it. Even if it did some might still just say that they could’ve done it themselves but the thing is, they didn’t.

 References

Paul Joseph Watson, 2016. The Truth About Modern Art. [online] YouTube. Available at: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANA8SI_KvqI> [Accessed 6 Dec. 2017].

PragerU, 2014. Why is Modern Art so Bad?. [online] YouTube. Available at: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNI07egoefc> [Accessed 6 Dec. 2017].

The Art Assignment, 2017. Art or Prank? | The Art Assignment | PBS Digital Studios. [online] YouTube. Available at: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZlrHyzIwcI> [Accessed 6 Dec. 2017].

The Art Assignment, 2015. I Could Do That | The Art Assignment | PBS Digital Studios. [online] YouTube. Available at: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67EKAIY43kg> [Accessed 6 Dec. 2017].

 Entry 3

Benefits and disadvantages of learning over the whole academic year.

In primary and secondary you get to learn or rather you are obliged by the law to learn/attend a wide array of subjects that by norm are considered as a basis for the rest of your life but only a handful of subjects truly can be utilized on the daily by the average Maltese citizen. Although by the government doing this way back, it did raise the nation’s level of intelligence and knowledge. But how the system is set up now, the person just jams as much information in their memories just to blurt them out on an exam at the end of the year and for the most part forget and never use them again (Brown.D.,2015.)

Having going to school engrained in our systems does develop a schedule and a habit of waking up early and not always allowing us to learn and do what we want with our time which would help when having a typical dead end desk job but what about those people that would like to stray from ending up like the majority, does he or she have to willingly stay in this system of jamming as much information to pass the tests and final examinations and getting their Masters and Phds (Tgsg,2017.)

Let’s say one is interested in music, art or drama he or she must learn all the other subjects they’re being thought in school which usually delve in depth that would be good if you’re continuing on the subject and profession but have no real use to someone who isn’t going to do that. This person has to go out of her way during their academic year to learn their preferred subject while still keeping up with schoolwork and homework.

Once again this can be good because if they decide they don’t want to continue on their previously preferred subject and have something to fall back to but what about the ones have to ditch the normal scholastic system (ex. 6th form, university) after secondary to continue on their ambitions as usually businesses like art, Music and drama which although do require study, more than that its based-on practice and the contacts you make in the business which are the things that makes you.

Have all the previous years been in vain or are they an necessary evil that is the standard of education that employs the average for the everyday jobs but what’s going to happen when that person wants to go further in life but can’t afford to stop working they’ll either have to do the same thing when they wanted to learn a subject that was not provided in school and do it in their free time but this is a luxury that not many can manage because just like school and work one would usually be too exhausted to do so.

 References

Boyinaband, 2015. Don't Stay in School. [online] YouTube. Available at: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xe6nLVXEC0> [Accessed 6 Dec. 2017].

Pearson, A., 2017. Year-Round School Advantages & Disadvantages. [online] Education.seattlepi.com. Available at: <http://education.seattlepi.com/yearround-school-advantages-disadvantages-2521.html> [Accessed 6 Dec. 2017].

The good schools guide, 2017. The advantages and disadvantages of homework | Good Schools Guide. [online] Good Schools Guide. Available at: <https://www.goodschools.com.au/insights/education-updates/the-advantages-and-disadvantages-of-homework> [Accessed 6 Dec. 2017].

Entry 4

Morality In Art.

Art and morality seem to go hand in hand but this was not always the case as pieces of art that were usually skilfully done paintings and sculptures but only existed to be an immaculate rendition of the real life thing. Back then they were just considered to be a highly skilled craft rather than an art piece. Nowadays we call something an art piece when it’s more than just a skilfully done thing and typically has a deeper meaning. But just like with everything that’s not the case for everyone just like morality. What’s good and just for one might be bad and unjust for another (Manaraj,S,2012.)

It all depends on how one sees the world, through their individual concepts and experiences which determine what they see as good or bad. An example is spray-painting on street walls, it might be simply seen as vandalism and quite juvenile and at the same time it can be moving and powerful. As although the wall has been ‘defaced’ it has been given a new light which portrays a message that wouldn’t be as potent if it only was in a museum. Because in the street anyone and everyone one who will eventually pass, will see but with a gallery you have to voluntarily go out of your way to enter. The multiplicity of the piece makes and impact and a point even if one tries to ignore it, same as with having all those same repetitive posters for events and such on walls all around a city. A lot can dismiss it but if a lot of others give their time to read and/or appreciate it we have 2 truths. Something which is contradictory to most as typically there is only one truth but in reality, there are more than just one truth. An example is that one can show power by dressing up, but another shows their power by dressing down. Just because they get to an end point using different means it doesn’t mean that one of the ways is invalid it just means that not all of us experience and see the world the same (Miss Me,2016.)

With all this said morality is something that usually keeps one in check but if that person’s morals are beyond comprehensible to the majority that’s where the problems start as what do you do to a person who just went on a killing spree and murdered 8 people. At first glance one would probably look down upon him/her but what happens when one finds out that all the people that got murdered were killers themselves. Did he/she do the world a favour by getting rid of 8 killers and now we have a killer that killed with good intentions but will have to pay the consequences in jail. Or do we now a have a new cold-blooded killer in the world that has to go to jail just because the laws oblige us to do so. This is the dilemma with morality as it’s very objective and not completely set in stone as just like with everything it changes and evolves from a person to the other, a generation to the next.

 References

CrashCourse, 2016. Aesthetics: Crash Course Philosophy #31. [online] YouTube. Available at: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDL4Zf2yEa4> [Accessed 21 Dec. 2017].

Mangaraj, S., 2012. Essay on the connection between Art and Mortality. [online] Preservearticles.com. Available at: <http://www.preservearticles.com/201103284770/art-and-mortality.html> [Accessed 21 Dec. 2017].

TedX Talks, 2016. How a vandal's conception of morality will make you rethink society | MissMe | TEDxHECMontréal. [online] YouTube. Available at: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vL0OBCmTc4o> [Accessed 21 Dec. 2017].

[realhousewivesofneopia]

Elijah used to tell me that his love for me was “the purest form of love possible.” And what's even more sad is that I believed that as gospel. Despite the fact that he never really got to know me, used me for songwriting inspiration, and told me I wasn’t “worth loving,” I loved him all the same, and believed I would never deserve someone better. He was my end-all, be-all in my mind. He was my twin flame.

This has honestly fucked with my current relationship, and self-worth as a whole. I still to this day believe I’m not worth loving, and that Logan’s care for me deserves “something in return.” Logan is honestly the most amazing, genuine person. He loves me with such care, patience, and acceptance. I never thought I would feel a love like this. I never thought I would ever deserve a love like this.

He guided me through my trauma, and is endlessly patient with my mental health issues. A bit after we started officially dating, I had a horrible panic attack/dissociative episode and ended up throwing up all over his lap in his bed. He immediately helped carry me to the bathroom and turned on the shower for me, and washed his blankets and self--all without even the slightest bit of resentment or disgust. He didn’t even blink, his first instinct was to make sure that *I* was okay. No person I’ve ever been with before would have EVER done that for me. 

He’s also the type that when I’m wasted at the end of a party, and we’re walking home and my feet are killing me because of my heels, he will give me his shoes, carry mine, and walk home in just socks--even if it’s winter and icey on his feet. He is so selfless when it comes to love, and has nourished me to believe in myself and know that I am deserving of care and respect. 

I openly talk to him about the love and hurt caused by my exes, and he doesn’t guilt trip me or get jealous. In many ways, part of me will always care for Elijah, and Joe, and countless other people, where circumstances were the downfall of our relationship. Logan listens, and helps me deal with those feelings. He tells me “I know that they have a place in your heart, and are important to you. I know that will never change, and I will never make you feel like you must hide the hurt you feel in order to prevent me from getting jealous.” He trusts me, and knows that I love him and only him. 

I always tell him he’s too good for me, but he never holds that against me. He legitimately believes that I deserve nothing less. He kisses me first thing every morning, when my bed head is crazy and I have morning breath. But he holds my head and tells me I’m beautiful irregardless. He came into my life when I needed him most. I’m not sure if he is my soul mate, or my guardian angel at this point. He really is that special. He makes me feel things in the deepest depths of my heart that I never believed was possible. After just a year and a half together (almost), I feel like I understand and know him better than I’ve ever known anyone else in my life. 

And it was nearly instantaneous, too. When we met for our first date, and I saw him standing in line outside of Mickie’s, part of me knew. I saw him, and it felt like everything slowed down--for just a moment. Our eyes met, and I think we both knew. He gave me a big, goofy smile and waved me over. His hair was long, he was wearing his favorite shirt and a pair of khaki pants. We talked for what felt like an eternity, about our interests and memories and passions. He made me laugh so much, and made me feel alright for the first time in months. We met for our first date just a couple months after I was raped, and talking with him over pancakes was the first time I had felt truly at ease since then. That smile of his was so contagious, and gorgeous, and will be engrained in my mind forever, I think. I hope I never forget how beautiful he was in that moment, and every other moment I’ve been with him and loved him since.  

I know we don’t have much time left. He is leaving soon, and moving across the globe. I can’t stomach the thought of him leaving. At night, sometimes I’ll just lay awake for hours after him, just spooning him and wishing he would never leave. He is so warm and bright and everything. I feel like I say his name in my sleep. I am so stuck on him. I can’t speak for him, of course, but my love for him is the purest love I’ve ever felt.