#but that’s the price i will pay for being hilarious

[batssybaby]

“batjokes would never work in canon!! the joker killed jason!!” okay well have u ever considered that i don’t know who the fuck that is

[inkedmyths]

Do NOT make fun of a friend while drinking soda you will laugh and then choke and then die

[paimonial-rage]

What trope you will NEVER write ?

While there are tropes that I really don't care for (Enemies to Lovers, Childhood Friends to Lovers), I don't really think there is a trope that I wouldn't write? I think the only thing that would come close is Fake Dating. Not because I have anything against it, I just don't see how it would ever take a part in any of the fics I would want to write. And there also may be a bit of a skill issue with that one too. LOL

But as a whole, I don't really write according to tropes. I don't really care for tropes as a whole. Some of my fics may contain tropes, but it's not purposeful. I just want to tell a story in the way I see fit. If it contains a trope, that's because it fit in with the story I wanted to tell. I always have goals when I write things? I want the fic to achieve certain things. But like fulfilling a trope is never one of them. Idk. I don't read for the trope. I read to read a good story. And that's how I write.

[luwha]

LMAO so, recently someone tried to SCAM me, so i'll show you what happened and the telltales of it being a scam.

This one is quite obvious but i know people who are just starting their artist careers and might not have experiece.

Follow the thread:

🚩#1: They pick your most famous/Popular art as reference. They don't know what you actually sell.

🚩#2: They will pick a random popular character. They're not roleplayers or anything. They're not here for the art in any level

You ask me, what are the odds they really like Goku? Oh, well, you'll see. At this point i check their profile for anythign that might indicate it, but as you'll see you won't have to.

🚩#3: They say they saw my ToS. On it i state i only work with paypal and google forms.

🚩#4: Random issue with payment method. They might have a real problem with it, but see; they'll never ever accept any other payment method, such as Zelle, CashApp, Payoneer, Ko-fi, etc.

I already knew this drill so, let's continue.

🚩#5: I love playing dumb lmao. Anyway, this scam revolves on them either sending you "too much money" and asking it back or something like it. I won't be following through because i know it'll be annoying.

BE ADAMANT WITH YOUR METHODS. Do NOT EVER bend them for randos.

🚩#6: They're so ready with the info on how the payment works it's fucking funny.

The reason I PERSONALLY use PayPal INVOICES (no any other payment within paypal) is that they're safe for both me and my client. My rules are stated clearly.

MAKE A ToS I BEG YOU YOUNG ARTIST

🚩#7: They're not even a good scammer lmao they REFUSE to go on my PROFILE to get a link or read anything.

I use Forms because it collects the client requests and it's easier for me to read it all in one place. It ALSO makes scammers bored.

🚩#8: They're so disinterested on the art they don't care for posing, vibes, colors, nothing. Again, they're NOT here for art. That's hilarious.

🚩#8: Same as above. They don't care for posing or anything.

On my art they link me, i have a vampire almost staking himself in a state of euphoria.

IMAGINE VAMPIRE GOKU STAKING HIMSELF THAT'S SO FUCKIGN FUNNY MY BRO, THINK YOUR SCAM THROUGH MAYBE

🚩#9: They will price your own work for you. And they'll overshot what we, smaller artists, charge for it.

They'll overshot by a lot.

They want you to be impressed and showing "generosity" usually gets people who need monay into risky situations. That's just plain cruel.

🚩#9: Same as above. Over generosity and eagerness to pay.

They're not even with the sketch, this haven't been an hour, they don't have any work form me but OH GOD they're SO READY to pay you NEED TO KNOW they WANTS TO PAY YOU SO BAD

Lmao yeah it's working out ❤️

THIS ONE IS JUST HILARIOUS BRO I CAN'T EVEN.

ANYWAY let's continue

🚩#10: They don't know me. They don't follow me. They broke every rule on my ToS. They're making me go through a payment method i am unfamiliar and don't use.

They don't care for my process. They're not interested on my sketch.

BE. ADAMANT. ABOUT. YOUR. RULES. AND. PROCESS.

Now, for the beautiful closure of this:

Have a ToS. Don't bend the rules for randos.

Use Invoices. Be sure you're safe.

Use forms if you'd like. Requests through DM and Discord ARE COMMON FOR OTHER ARTISTS. I personally don't like it, i have ADHD.

Being an artist on an online space is dangerous. If you need help, poke an artist you know, see how they operate and if it fits you. Most of them would help you.

🚩#11: goku isn't even on their icon 😭

This is the account that tried to scam me.

#art is life ❤️

[qwimblenorrisstan]

ParkRanger!Reader and Hybrid!141 Hc’s

This can really be interpreted as platonic or romantic, depending on how you look at it, but I just think it would be hilarious to be a fire lookout or one of those people who stays in the tall towers in a park for months on end.

Sure, maybe some of the wildlife was a bit too friendly, but that was just normal, right?

Like that burly bear that lived in a cave nearby, occasionally migrating, but never attacking you when you accidentally crossed its path. It got along oddly well with the other wildlife, well, except for the other male bears, who seemed to not respect its territory. You’d nicknamed it “Price”, because of how much money the park had to pay each year due to the bear mauling the electrical system sometimes.

Or the buck that would wander around sometimes, one of the prettiest deer you’d ever seen in all honesty. It was a wonder it hadn’t been devoured by some other animal yet. But it would sometimes let you give it secret little pets, even if the park discouraged any interaction with wildlife. You’d nicknamed it “Gaz”, because of the incident where it had gotten into a barrel of gas for your generator, and you’d had to rush it to a local vet.

The shaggy stray wolf that hung around was a bit odd, too. Blond fur hidden underneath grey and black patches, with keen eyes that you seldom noticed before it moved. It never let you pet it, but sometimes in the middle of the night, you’d be out on a trail, and you both would catch eyes. Or it would give little growls in warning to you, of whatever else lurked these woods. You’d nicknamed it “Ghost”, for obvious reasons.

And last, but certainly not least of your strange menagerie of animals, was the honey badger. It looked normal, other than some strange spots of hair sticking up that looked like some larger animal had tried to groom it. It snarled at anything, but as long as you didn’t get too close, it would happily trail behind you on whatever path you were taking for work. It was mischievous too, getting into your food and belongings in your backpack. You’d nicknamed it “Soap”, because, in the middle of the night, you’d woken up to find the thing in your tower, drinking some liquid soap. It had run before you’d gotten it to a vet but seemed fine a few days later.

Your odd little group of animal friends seemed weird, obviously, but you’d just chalked it up to them being exposed to park rangers and humans more often than normal wildlife. That was, until, one night you went out late to fix your generator that had run out of gas, only to hear footsteps crunching behind you, and whirling just in time to see a middle-aged man you’d given a fine earlier for setting off fireworks in the forest, holding a thick log, ready to smack you with it.

Rather, he was going to smack you with it, before he was tackled to the ground, and multiple fists began beating him into the dirt.

You stood there, dumbfounded, watching as four men, bare as the day they were born, slowly got off the unconscious man’s body.

One shorter man with a mohawk, one pretty one with browned skin, a taller one with a gruff beard, and the tallest, a grumpy-looking man who was built like a brick wall. They stared back, at least moving to cover themselves for your sake before the man with a mohawk and a stupid grin on his face spoke.

“Been wanton’ to bea’ his head in for a while.”

His chin jerked to the unconscious man, now bleeding everywhere in the grass.

You sighed, knowing that you were in for a long night.

(might write a fic for this?? lmk if I should)

[tw1l1te]

Brainrot- The chain is dealing with a merchant who's got wayyy to high prices for what it is but the chain needs these resources. The boys refuse to pay but in swoops reader who uses words and certain assets to talk the price down smoothly for the chains sake and needed supplies.. queue the boys reactions or actions to it. (Especially the overprotective ones of the group) Thanks!😘

-Anon 🐉

Ok but why do I feel like Ravio is the implied merchant-

Our guide definitely uses their sass and fake giggles to haggle prices. Like, the amount of rupees they've saved the Chain??? Astronomical at this point-

~

"80 rupees for 5 bomb arrows! 80 rupees!!" A merchant yelled out onto the bustling streets of Castle Town. The boys approached his stall, curious about his wares.

"Ah! I see you're interested in my stall! I have all sorts of arrows, armor, and produce!"

Legend hold up a bundle of plain arrows, facing the salesman.

"How much for these?"

"100 Rupees."

Legend just blinks at him, trying to see if he was serious or not.

He was dead serious.

"Are you fucking kidding me-"

"Oh, hello~! What do we have here?" You skip up to the stall, your attention disrupted from the previous stall when you notcied the boys preoccupied with this particular one.

The merchant looks suprised, eyes moving between you and the grumpy pink-haired man in front of him. He chose to focus on you for the time being. Smart choice.

"Oh, such wonderful wares you have! I bet they're the best quality too, I can tell by the craftsmanship." You ramble, examining every item.

The merchant blushes slightly, smiling at your attention.

"Ah, yes! Each of these is either made or grown with utmost care! Has anything piqued your interest?"

Time raised an eyebrow at the shift in demeanor from the merchant.

You knew what you were doing, huh?

"I love all the assortment of arrows you have! You say you carved them all yourself?" You ask, batting your eyebrows at him.

"Y-yes! I have plenty of stock for each type. How many bundles would you need?"

You glance at Time, who mouthed '6', your eyes flicking back to the merchant.

"Hmmm... I think I'll need six! How much for all of them?"

The merchant lights up at your amount, already seeing payday in the distance.

"Originally it would be 580, but for you... 500!"

You purposefully wilt at that, making sure the change in posture and facial expression was very obvious.

"Aw, shucks, I can't afford that.... maybe next time."

The boys and the merchant watch you walk away, the effortless slouch of your form causing Wind and Wild to quietly giggle.

By the Three, this was hilarious.

"W-wait! I can do 250! 250 is my lowest offer! I'll even give you a bundle for free!!"

You noticeably perk up, spinning around on your heels and skip back up to the stand, handing over your rupees. When the merchant hands over all seven bundles of arrows, you blow a kiss to him to really put the cherry on top.

You hear Legend choke on his spit, flabbergasted at the amount of effort you were putting into this charade.

"Thank you!! Let's go, boys." You march off, arrows in your arms while the merchant is caught off guard and the rest of the group isn't sure if they're about to burst out laughing, kill the man, or both.

[appleblueberry-pie]

Just had an idea.

Broke Gojo Satoru?

"My FAMILY is rich. I have absolutely nothing in my pockets right now."

Eats ramen literally every night and never fixes his mouth to complain because he doesn't have the money to fix the problems.

Gets excited at quarters in his pocket.

Gets excited at old food in his pocket.

Works retail 4 days of the week and all of his money goes to the bills.

Can't hang out due to studying and work.

If he is studying with friends, he'll starve during the outing unless someone pays for something for him, in which he then feels guilty and believes he has to pay them back.

He's a great friend, not only because he's humble, but because he's also cute and hilarious.

Would DEFINITELY have an only fans if he needed the funds and was convinced to do so.

Will only do it if you're his sex buddy in his recordings every now and then.

Begs you to judge his video that he's posted to see if he needs any improvements.

He doesn't, and it feels like he's trying to hint something else at you.

But anyways.

Loves boba and hasn't had any in like 6 months because you know why. Gets angry and cries when he remembers that it will always be at least 5 dollars in price.

Says he'll do "whatever you want" for a jumbo pack of ramen.

Is forbidden from doing sports because he'd pass out every day if he had to exercise often AND also not have enough body fuel.

Loves being friends with you because you share your food with him. You love that food stain on the corner of his mouth when he happily chews a bite of hot teriyaki chicken.

He says it's not funny anymore that lint is the only thing that comes out of his pockets now.

[foxalade]

Marauders Playing Monopoly <3

James: Owns a street with expensive, fancy ass house, makes Lily/Regulus pay less if they land on his houses

Peter: goes bankrupt really quickly, makes awful sales, gets scammed. Gives up.

Remus: Refused to play, ends up being the bank, really not generous with loans. WILL hunt you down if you don't pay your dept.

Sirius: "THAT'S ILLEGAL!!" (about James scamming everyone BUT his lover), ends up in jail like every turn but owns a street. Remus sneaks him money to bail out of jail <3

Mary: Rich. Somehow doesn't end up having to pay too much, owns one or two houses

Lily: co-owns James' houses because he wants her to. "Hang on, let's check the rules, I'm not sure if you can do that. Wait!!"

Marlene: "THAT'S MY HOUSE! PAY UP BITCHES!!" gambles her way through, gets put in jail once or twice

Dorcas: On the brink of bankruptcy for half the game but somehow make it through

Regulus: "You can't do that. I will not sell you my house, you're totally ripping me off! I said NO"

Pandora: makes her way to the top without anyone noticing she's getting rich, owns a street, really smart about it

Barty/Evan: Scam. Scam. Scam. Offer awful prices. End up in jail. Bail themselves out instantly. Broke. But find it hilarious. Steal from the bank. Play together??? Somehow? Steal from other players.

(I've only played monopoly once (and I was drunk while playing...) so I've no idea how accurate this is. Also I've no clue if anyone has done this before, just popped into my head)

[kaixserzz]

another one because he's all i can ever think about at this point. akademiya zandik is just such a cutie

dottore drabble x2 - "habits"

zandik has a few noticeable traits that have slowly begun to appear more and more the longer your relationship progresses. and they surprise you every single time.

there's one where he'd break his pens and pencils whenever he's too caught up in his thoughts. the ink would splash all over his desk and his files, and he'd be cursing under his breath at the ink splatter on his clothes and all over his face.

the first time you found him walking out of his room with a hand that was completely black and dripping with ink, throwing away a handful of wasted papers and files in the garbage bin, you had made a mental note to watch over him whenever he wrote. to buy him multiple pens and pencils whenever you were out. and distract him, ease him, whenever he's about to break another one, just to spare him from the annoyance it brings.

today, you discovered a new habit you never knew he had.

it was one of those rare days when zandik allows himself to take a break.. to close his eyes and sleep in one of the most comfortable places known to man; your loving arms.

and he sleeps. when he does, he sleeps like a dead man. he's sprawled all over on top of you and his face is completely buried onto your neck. you worry if he could breathe, but you could feel his hot breath against your skin. you can't help but giggle.

it's been a while since zandik has slept, so you let him, protecting him from anything that may wake him up and humming soft lullabies whenever he starts shifting awake.

you adored him so much whenever he slept. he'd snore so softly that you could barely hear it, and sometimes, he'd even drool. sometimes he'd soak your shirt when he sleeps atop of you, but it was a small price to pay for a decent night of sleep for zandik.

while you were playing with his hair, out of nowhere, you felt a small jab of pain onto the skin of your neck. you held back a yelp, not wanting to wake zandik, but you pulled yourself back from him. only for his arms to tighten around you, pulling himself closer to your body and nipping at your skin, sharp teeth digging into your neck.

thankfully, he never tried to bite you too hard. only soft, playful nibbles while he slept. you were torn between thinking it was absolutely adorable or hilarious.

grinning ear to ear, you let him nip and practically drool on your neck, slowly being pulled into a deep slumber that the weight of his chest rising and falling in rhythm with yours.

you knew if you told him about it, he would deny it, accusing you of making stuff up while his face reddens. but you'd see zandik's satisfied look on his face whenever he saw the slightly purple marks on your neck. you didn't bother covering them up, and he seems delighted.

zandik totally stopped biting you from that day onwards. from your shoulders, collarbones, and fingers, he'd even bite your cheeks if he was feeling playful enough.

now, he can't seem to go on a whole day without seeing a visible bite mark on your skin.

- ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛❛ If you like this a lot, consider reblogging! I'll appreciate it very very much! Don't repost and/or translate my work anywhere. ❜❜ ┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌

[flowerfreya]

Did you want a picture?

Social Media AU based off of this post

Pairing : John Price x reader

John is a divorced dad with two teenagers and reader is a famous influencer think Victoria Paris , Jackie Aina , Monet McMichales type beat

John Price is a famous retired hockey player that played for over twenty years in the NHL. He’s always been a famous athlete despite all his attempts not to. He didn’t do any press and he only did a handful of sponsorships. No matter that, the fans loved him.

John Price was with his highschool sweetheart for a little over seventeen years with two kids now teenagers when they got divorced, the split was amicable understanding that they are just not in love anymore. His ex-wife means a lot to him , he still pays all the bills, she doesn’t work and he had to decide to be the one that moved out the house. His kids come to visit him all the time and with them being teenagers of course they are on tiktok and they think that it is hilarious when they record anything and it gets posted by every sports channel because they have never seen this side of him before.

John knows that he’s famous not just for being an athlete anymore but for being famous on social media as well. A lot more younger fans have come up to him asking for a picture than he’s gotten in years and at first it threw him off , but a year in he’s used to it now.

He’s see’s you walking down the sidewalk with pink headphones on and one of his older jersey’s , you're walking towards him , playing on your phone not really paying attention, and when you get close enough, “You want a picture?”, he ask.

“Huh”, you reply.

He reiterates the question and that’s when you take off your headphones and ask, “Where’s your phone for the picture”.

“Wouldn’t we use your phone”, he replies.

“I’m sorry but I can’t give you my phone number”, you smile back at him but it’s a bit strained, thinking that this weird guy wants your number.

“I think there's some confusion,luv”,

You tilt your head to the side, “Aren’t you a fan?”

“No I’m not a fan, are you ?”

“I don’t know who you are”, you say with a laugh and you start to back away obviously this is not an interaction you want to be a part of.

“Your wearing my jersey”, John points down at your shirt, which makes you look down,

“You’re the Rangers?”, you ask sarcastically.

“No, but I am the man on the back of the jersey”, he says with a smile.

“Oh, anyway, did you want a picture”, you ask him, kind of over this back and forth.

“Sure,luv”, John hands you his phone and you lift it up in a selfie motion and right before you take the picture , you hear him sniff and then moan, which causes you to turn your head and snap the picture.

~

When John gets home , he’s ambushed by his teenage daughter demanding what he does to you? He’s confused , he doesn’t even remember having had a long day with practice and then meetings after that.

“What are you talking about?”, he ask his daughter calmly. She explains that someone had recorded the whole interaction about worlds colliding and memes being made about mixing the friend groups, and opposites attract.

He mentions that he ran into you but didn’t know who you were. John’s daughter just about screams when she realizes that her dad met just about the most famous influencer , maybe not in the world but you're up there. His daughter gets an idea, her dad needs to met you again, she saw the connection between the two of you, she hasn’t seen her dad like that , well ever.

[destinysbounty]

AU where Wu remains in child/teen form for a lot longer, while Mystake lives and becomes the new wise old mentor character. I mwan, there is so much untapped comedic potential in the dynamic between child/teen Wu and Mystake. Also, ive got headcanons about the Overlord having Oni origins and Mystake would be able to much more seamlessly facilitate that reveal.

Also also, I love the mental image of Jay teaching Wu how to play video games and then the two of them get up to shenanigans in Prime Empire together. And i for one think Mystake would be a hilarious addition to the Pixane investigation arc during s12.

And!!! Mystake, who understands what its like to be an evil warlord for much of your life only to eventually seek redemption, helping Zane cope with his Ice Emperor trauma!!!!

Not to mention, can we sit and imagine how hilarious the Fire Chapter would be if Wu was just like. Still a kid/teenager. Aspheera is seething as she tries to exact her revenge, whereas Wu's memories are still kinda spotty so he is all like "who are you again?" But also, Wu being tormented by the consequences of past mistakes he cant fully remember. And Zane paying the price for them.

And of course, Dad Cole hijinks with Wu during s13.

And thats not even to speak of what would happen in Crystalized with Lloyd's oni form arc....

Anyway. Do you see my vision

[dinarosie]

Snape’s Legacy Goes Beyond His Flaws: part 1

I wrote this post to highlight moments when, despite his personal wounds, Snape still chooses to save the lives of the Marauders. My goal was to show how, no matter how flawed, Snape acts as a brave hero who prioritizes human life. The comments below genuinely surprised me, and they actually make me want to quote specific passages from the books to showcase Snape’s actions. I'm splitting this post into two parts, as including all the quotes from the books makes it quite long.

It’s honestly hilarious when some people keep telling: 'read the books,' while they seem blissfully unaware of how things actually go down in the story. One can only hope that one day they’ll realize fanfics aren’t the original books. Shocking, I know—but those are just fans playing with their own imagination, not a hidden version of the canon.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, THE PRINCE’S TALE: dark night: He was accompanied by other hooded Death Eaters, and ahead were Lupin and a Harry who was really George. . . . A Death Eater moved ahead of Snape and raised his wand, pointing it directly at Lupin’s back — “Sectumsempra!” shouted Snape. But the spell, intended for the Death Eater’s wand hand, missed and hit George instead — Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, HERMIONE'S SECRET: “I don’t know — Harry, look at Snape!” Together they peered around the bush at the other bank. Snape had regained consciousness. He was conjuring stretchers and lifting the limp forms of Harry, Hermione, and Black onto them. A fourth stretcher, no doubt bearing Ron, was already floating at his side. Then, wand held out in front of him, he moved them away toward the castle.

Let me lay it out clearly: in this scene, Snape’s priority is to save the lives of four people and uphold justice:

Snape is taking the most honorable approach here. He knows that three of his students have directly disobeyed him, put themselves in harm’s way, and even teamed up with Black, a known fugitive, against his warnings. Yet he controls his anger because his first priority is their safety and getting them back to school unharmed.

Snape believes at this moment that Black has conspired with Voldemort, betrayed the Potters, orphaned their son, killed Pettigrew, and murdered twelve innocent Muggles. It’s no wonder he feels Black deserves the Dementor’s Kiss. Even Harry, when he believed these things about Black, felt that justice should be served and saw no issue in Black paying the price for such crimes. And remember, when Black learns the truth about Pettigrew, he’s furious enough to try to kill him on the spot. Yet, Snape has the composure and discipline to restrain his rage and sees it as his responsibility to bring Black back alive. He leaves the punishment to the legal system and to justice, refusing to take it into his own hands.

And let’s not forget: just an hour before, Sirius was openly willing to drag Snape’s unconscious body to the castle, fully prepared to bash Snape’s head against the ceiling—purely out of lingering childish hatred for Snape’s appearance and background. Sirius had no regard for the injuries he might inflict on Snape.

Barbara: I was very disappointed to see harry use crucio and seem to enjoy it his failure to perform that kind of curse in the past has been a credit to his character why the change, and did harry later regret having enjoyed deliberately causing pain J.K. Rowling: Harry is not, and never has been, a saint. Like Snape, he is flawed and mortal.

His character flaws don’t erase all the good he’s done or the impact he’s had. If you believe that being “flawed” or “grey” prevents someone from being a hero, then you’ve missed one of the core messages of the Harry Potter series. By that standard, no one in the books would be a hero because nearly every character has their own set of flaws. Even J.K. Rowling herself draws parallels between Snape and Harry, calling both of them imperfect. If you find Snape unforgivable, then logically, you’d have to find Harry Potter unforgivable, too.

Snape is a hero because he spends his life atoning for his mistakes. He stays on the right side even when there’s no personal gain, saving lives, healing others, and standing by his principles despite losing his way in darkness. He has the strength to return to the right path and stay loyal to it for years. Thanks to his courage and sacrifices, the wizarding world is freed from a dark wizard’s crimes. Because of him, innocent children like Harry aren’t left orphaned, and young mothers like Lily don’t lose their lives and families. Because of Snape’s loyalty, teenage souls like Draco Malfoy’s don’t get lost in darkness.

[lxvvie]

Spooky season might be over, but the horror and folklore lover in me will never die!

I wanna see the TF141 boys (or just all of the MW2 guys in general) go to the U.S (either in a mission or with their American S/O who is local) and encounter all the creepy and freaky shit that goes down either in the Appalachian Mountains or in the Louisiana Bayous.

Just them being fed stories from the locals and being told what to do and what not to do, especially at night.

Just…some COD supernatural-folklore horror/survival…

omg, I feel like this would be hilarious, though.

Gaz fucking loves horror movies but can't be bothered to believe in cryptids. Meanwhile, Soap doesn't care for them but absolutely believes cryptids exist.

Ghost just doesn't give a damn and gets roped in.

Price is busy wondering why his ass hasn't gotten a pay raise for all the shit he deals with.

Graves is the superstitious one, surprisingly, 'cause his momma made him hip to the goings on of the supernatural around them. Phillip Winchester for the win lol.

Roach is the one who actually manages to encounter one.

König is the one who gets mistaken for a cryptid. We all know he's Cthulhu's long-lost child so move the fuck over Cthylla. Probably has something to do with that moss cape thingie he's wearing at the moment.

Horangi hedged a bet that someone in KorTac would encounter one and came out on top. Surprisingly.

Keegan also encounters one but thinks nothing of it until it locks eyes with him and... oh.

Rudy swears he saw a ghost or two or three on base and Alejandro initially doesn't believe him until he has a paranormal experience of his own while working late one night.

Valeria would be the type to use this against to scare the fuck out of Los Vaqueros, Rudy, especially lmaoooo.

[eco-lite]

My favorite moments from David Mack's Control. Most of them are Garak, even though he's barely in this book...

[Text ID: “’I'm well aware that you're all fugitives of the highest order in the Federation. Nothing new for you, Doctor, or for your inamorata"—he let contempt drip off that last word—"though I have to imagine being the target of an interstellar dragnet must be something of a new experience for your friends.’” End ID]

Okay this is hilarious. David Mack establishes that Sarina Douglas (the genetically-engineered woman Julian helps in "Statistical Probabilities." Remember her?) and Julian have been in a relationship for a while, but he's also clearly a garashir shipper who loves to make Garak suffer. Jealous!Garak my beloved.

[Text ID: “Garak shot a wary look at his bodyguards, then he moved closer to Bashir. ‘Are you asking as a Starfleet officer? As a doctor? Or as a man in need of asylum?’ ‘I'm asking as your friend.... Help us, Elim.’ It might have been nothing more than Bashir's imagination, but he thought he saw the faintest hint of jealousy in Garak's eyes when the castellan glanced at Sarina. But then Garak looked back at Bashir and smiled. ‘Very well, Julian. For an old friend... anything is possible.’” End ID]

Poor Garak. This is truly painful. Especially since Julian recognizes his jealousy and doesn't ever address it.

[Text ID: “’Executions without judicial oversight? It's an obscenity masquerading as national security.’  ‘Yes. And it's also how the Obsidian Order kept total control over the Cardassian Union for nearly a century.’ That put an end to Bashir's perambulation. ‘Wait, no. I didn't mean to say—' ‘That any part of the Federation could ever have anything in common with the Obsidian Order? Or with the Tal Shiar? Oh, how I envy your naïveté, Doctor. To believe that any nation state could ever endure without having an appendage willing to stain itself in blood—what a luxury it must be to live in the arms of such delusion.’ He expected a tirade from Bashir. A red-faced defense of the Federation's principles, its integrity, its virtue. Instead the doctor reined in his dudgeon and approached Garak's desk. He set his knuckles on the polished wood and bowed his head while he drew a calming breath. ‘I can't deny there's rot in the core of Starfleet. In the heart of the Federation. I've seen it.’ He looked up at Garak, and his eyes had the hard, unyielding focus of a man ready to go to war. ‘I came to you because I need to know how to stop it. How to end it. How to destroy it.’ ‘Well, that's simple, Doctor. What worked for Cardassia will work for the Federation. To excise this cancer from your body politic, all you need to do is kill the body, burn it down to ash, then resurrect and rebuild it with wiser eyes and a sadder heart.’ Bashir's brow creased with scorn. ‘You mock me.’ ‘Not at all, Doctor. You saw what happened to this world at the end of the Dominion War—to all the planets of the Cardassian Union. The Dominion burned us to the ground. Slew all but a fraction of our population. Left us with nothing but cinders and cenotaphs. That is what it took to free Cardassia from the grip of the Obsidian Order. Are you ready to pay that price so the people of the Federation can bask in the purity of their liberty? Is it worth the blood of billions? Is it worth seeing your worlds on fire?’ ‘You make it sound as if there's no middle ground,’ Bashir protested. ‘No choice besides surrender or slaughter.’ Garak saw no reason to blunt the truth's cutting edge. ‘Why else would such programs exist, Doctor? What is the value of intelligence if it doesn't lead to action?’ This time Bashir rose to Garak's challenge. ‘What is the value of action if it betrays all that we stand for?’ His shoulders slumped as if they bore a terrible weight. ‘Garak, I didn't come here to be lectured, or to be told I'm too idealistic. I came here for advice.’ ‘Of what sort?’ ‘The kind that will help me stop Thirty-one. Permanently.’ Maybe the doctor was foolhardy. Perhaps his mission was doomed to fail. But there was no denying the man possessed the courage of his convictions. Garak tried to remember what that had felt like in his long-ago squandered youth—and then he realized, to his shame, that he had never known the sweet sting of such passions. ‘If you want to kill Section Thirty-one,’ he said, ‘you'll need to turn their greatest strength against them—transform it into their most dire weakness. They thrive on secrecy, on anonymity, just as the Obsidian Order once did. Take that away from them. Expose them and they'll be vulnerable—and that's when you strike the killing blow.’ He set his palms on the desktop and leaned forward to emphasize his final piece of counsel. ‘But make sure you leave nothing of your enemy intact. When your work is done, don't try to turn their assets to your advantage. Destroy them all, every last one—or else the monster will simply rise again.’” End ID]

Although the concept and plot of this book is really interesting, I was generally not impressed by the characterization in this book. But Garak is an exception. I love this passage because it's a brief return to Garak and Julian's cherished philosophical debates. And it so perfectly encapsulates Garak's world-view after all he's been through. He's under no delusions of how far a society will go to "protect itself." Or how hard it can be to dismantle a broken system. He's experienced both tragedies first-hand.

[Text ID: “’The codicil concerning Doctor Bashir indicated a ninety-four percent likelihood that he would seek the aid of his former lover and Deep Space Nine crewmate, Captain Ezri Dax. Instead, he ran to Castellan Elim Garak.’" End ID]

Ha. That's telling, isn't it...

[Text ID: “’Have you considered the possibility that you've chosen the wrong side?’ The question felt to Bashir like a vote of no confidence. He hoped he had heard Garak wrong. ‘What do you mean, the wrong side?’ ‘I merely mean to ask, Julian, if you've ever stopped to entertain the notion that perhaps Section Thirty-one serves a valid purpose?’ The question itself offended Bashir. ‘Don't be absurd, Garak. Thirty-one wields deadly power with absolutely no legal accountability or oversight. It commits countless crimes against Federation citizens and foreign peoples. It steals, defrauds, counterfeits, murders. It acts in the name of the Federation while betraying every principle for which we stand. Its continued existence is an insult to our entire civilization.’ Garak struck an imperious pose. ‘Really? An insult? What if that insult to your Federation is the only reason it still exists?’ He prowled forward, crossing Bashir's imaginary boundary of personal space. ‘Every nation-state in history has relied, at one time or another, on the services of such organizations for their very survival. Why should yours be any different?’” End ID]

Devil's advocate as always. But Garak has a point. Cardassia was only able to maintain it's strictly military society--the status quo--because of the Obsidian Order. Based on his own experience, it's reasonable to think that Section Thirty-one may be the only thing holding the Federation together. No matter how much its actions go against the holier-than-thou principles the Federation claims to uphold.

[Text ID: “’Beliefs are dangerous things, Julian. Once we invest in them, it can be hard to challenge them without invoking cognitive dissonance. But in this case, I suggest you try. Because if I'm correct, going to war with Section Thirty-one can only end badly for you. Either you will lose, and you and all your friends will suffer gruesome fates I'd rather not imagine; or you will win—and in so doing, end up inflicting more harm than good upon your beloved Federation.’" End ID]

Not Garak trying to predict the ending of the book. Somehow the real ending was a mix of both. And that "beliefs are dangerous things" line... Yeah.

[Text ID: (Referring to the décor of the Federation Headquarters in Paris, which is scientifically constructed to be soothing and discourage potential violent behavior) “Like the Federation's pervasive imperialism, the lobby's social controls were subtle and hideously effective.” End ID]

Damn, you said it, not me. I do love this book's determination to deconstruct every charitable feeling the reader might have about the Federation.

[Text ID: “Alone with Bashir, Garak looked at his friend. He circled in front of him. ‘Are you still with me, my dear doctor?’ He squatted in front of the hoverchair and tried in vain to make eye contact with his friend. ‘Are you blind to the sight of me? Deaf to the music of my voice?’ Bashir's silence and his wounded stare into an empty distance disturbed Garak in ways he feared to confront. This was not the man he remembered from Deep Space 9, or the confidant with whom he had trusted his private musings in the aftermath of the Dominion War. This man was detached from the world, in it but separated from it by a barrier as unbreachable as it was intangible. This was the shattered husk of a good man, the sorry remains of one who had refused to bend to the cruelties of the world and ended up broken instead.” End ID]

I didn't realize this book leads directly into Una McCormack's Enigma Tales (excellent book, go read it!) until this point. That knowledge makes this moment hurt more, I think.

[Text ID: “There was naught left for Garak to do now but keep his friend safe, in a clean and well-lit place, and give him whatever time he needed to heal himself—or at least to die in peace, with his last measure of privacy intact and jealously guarded by someone who loved him.” End ID]

Time to curl up in a ball and stare into the middle distance for a while...

[redgoldsparks]

June Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

Say Nothing: A True Story of Murder and Memory in Northern Ireland by Patrick Radden Keefe read by Matthew Blaney 

This is one of the most gripping and well-researched nonfiction books I've read in a long time. Keefe draws on many research trips, interviews, news paper archives, and personal encounters to tell several interwoven narratives of violence and protest during the time of The Troubles in Northern Ireland. He follows the story of the infamous Price sisters, women who joined the IRA while in college, helped plant many bombs, and became hunger strikers after receiving hefty prison sentences; Jean McConville, a widowed mother of ten who was dragged from her home and disappeared by the IRA; Brenden Hughes, a commanding office of the IRA who escaped assassination attempts and prison, who committed a huge amount of violence but ultimately became disillusioned with what he had done; Gerry Adams, who claims he was never an IRA office despite massive evidence to the contrary, who helped negotiate the peace treaty before launching a successive political career; and many more. I highly recommend this book, especially to anyone wrestling with the moral question of violent versus nonviolent resistant, and what the long, messy process of building peace can look like, at least in one specific place and time.

Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata translated by Ginney Tapley Takemori read by Nancy Wu

Keiko Furukura has never fit in with the others around her. Early in elementary school she learned to keep her mouth shut because people often found the things she said (which felt logical and obvious to her) deeply upsetting. But at age 18, Keiko applied for a job at a convenience store and found her life's calling. The store is the only place where she feels really comfortable, needed, useful, and able to interact easily with others inside the routines of customer service. When the book opens Keiko is 36 and has been working the same low level job for her entire adult life. She has no desire for change but others around her are beginning to pressure her more and more to pursue a "normal life", that is, marriage and a better paying job. Keiko can be easily read as an autistic, asexual character; I really enjoyed how her perspective on life was written, even when I enjoyed less the actual things going on around her. A whiny, sleezy man takes up a lot of space in the second half of the story, but I found the ending very hopeful.

How to Love by Alex Norris 

Short, sweet, and insightful. Norris brings the humor of their "Oh No" comic series to this guide to feelings and relationships, but mixed with deep compassion. The visual metaphors are hilarious and perfect.

Becoming Who We Are: Real Stories About Growing Up Trans by Sammy Lisel and Hazel Newlevant and others 

A wonderful collection of short comics about trans people with different stories, experiences, jobs, and dreams. Each story is illustrated by a different artist which gives each tale its own voice. An accessible and affirming collection, especially for young readers!

Fool’s Quest by Robin Hobb read by Elliot Hill

This book picks up right after the traumatic kidnapping at the end of the previous volume, but packs a surprising amount of big plot twists in before the journey to recover the young people even begins. This book suffers from some middle book of a trilogy pacing issues; the action beats of the story sometimes falling at awkward spots, and the story continuing past what might have felt like its more natural ending. That didn't stop me from being RIVETED during the entire 33 hour audiobook. I am so obsessed with these characters. I feel the weight of everything they've been through, the six decades of in-story time, and the consequences and ripple effects of everything that has gone before. This volume continues to push a running theme of very gender-ambiguous characters; there are now two characters who defy an easy binary, and Fitz is finally coming to terms with that in one of his oldest and dearest friends. I'm excited and slightly terrified to head into the 16th and final book of this series soon!

Vera Bushwack by Sig Burwash 

This book is simultaneously a fairly quiet story of a gender-nonconforming queer living with just a dog on a piece of rural property, working on building a cabin from scratch; and also an ambitious exploration of gendered power fantasies. At the start, Drew is learning how to operate a chainsaw to cut trees and clear property from a rural neighbor. Flashbacks and phone calls reveal how Drew got her dog, some of the shitty men she's had to deal with, a past lover who helped her cut a trail to the river, and a tomboy childhood. These scenes of rough realism are interrupted when Drew jumps on her dirt bike or revs the chainsaw and her fantasies spin out across the page, full of wild horses, monster trucks, naked cowboys, symbols of complete and total freedom. This book is deceptively complicated, full of bold creative choices that I really appreciated, even if they didn't all work for me. I have a feeling this story is going to stick in my head for a long time.

In the Form of a Question written and read by Amy Schneider 

A very engaging memoir from Jeopardy champion Amy Schneider, born and raised in Dayton, Ohio, who moved to Oakland, California as an adult and never left. Each chapter title is a question and cover topics thematically rather than chronologically. Schneider is very forthcoming and honest, writing about everything from her transition, her open marriage, her first sexual experiences, recreational drug use, polyamory, community theater, relationship with her parents and more. She has a humorous and yet compassionate voice, relating tales of her hatred of boy scouts, ADD, and failures to understand her own gender without belittling her younger self. Towards the ends of the book she writes of her experience of fame and what she got out of her time on Jeopardy saying that stepping into the public eye as a trans woman and being met mostly with support and love changed her life as much as the 1.5 million she won over a 40 game winning streak and various other tournaments. If you are a fan of Jeopardy, or just curious, this is a fun listen.

Ruth Asawa: An Artist Takes Shape by Sam Nakahira 

Ruth Asawa was born in Southern California to parents who had immigrated from Japan before WWII. After the bombing of Pearl Harbor, her whole family was displaced to the internment camps, loosing their farm, all of their farm animals, and nearly everything else they owned. Ruth finished high school inside a camp in Arkansas but was able to leave when she apply to and was accepted into college. She was faced with discrimination and racism, but eventually she was able to pursue her dream of becoming an artist at the experimental Black Mountain College in North Carolina. She studied under influential and well-known teachers who helped her find her own creative voice. She also met the love of her life there. The couple eventually relocated back to California, which had just legalized interracial marriage. Sam Nakahira captures Asawa's courage, determination, and incredible talent in tender line art with delicate grey scale washes. Asawa's best known work, her innovative wire sculptures, are gorgeously rendered. Asawa's insistence on treating every activity of her life, from gardening to parenting to drawing to sculpting, as creative, is a good reminder for me and every artist that living itself can be a creative practice.

People From My Neighborhood by Hiromi Kawakami translated by Ted Goossen 

A charmingly strange set of interconnected stories about a neighborhood in Japan full of unusual characters. The unnamed child narrator tells us of the middle aged woman who runs a karaoke bar out of her house, the old man with two shadows, the child who is passed from house to house by lottery because his parents cannot support him, a diplomat who might be an alien who no one ever seen, the arrival of a mountain of sand, a school built of candy, a girl with prophetic dreams, and more. The stories escalate in weirdness over the course of the book and also introduce more reoccurring characters. The short 4-6 pages chapters made it compulsively readable. I had a great time with this, despite the lack of an overarching plot.

The Contradictions by Sophie Yanow

At age twenty, after a bad breakup, the author signed up for a study abroad program in Paris. Lonely and soul searching in a foreign country, Yanow spots a girl riding a fixed gear bike. Yanow is a committed bicyclist and chases the girl down to learn she is also an exchange student, also recently broken up with, a committed anarchist and a shoplifter. Yanow and her new friend decide to take a poorly planned trip to Amsterdam, intending to hitchhike the whole way. About as many things go wrong as you might expect. In beautifully minimalist black and white panels, Yanow perfectly captures the naivete and first political awakenings of a young college student trying to seem cool and so taking risks and hiding passions in order to impress someone new. A quick read and a master class in understatement.

Little Weirds written and read by Jenny Slate 

There was a lot I enjoyed in this memoir, as well as some aspects that worked less well for me. I enjoyed Slate's writing style and the focus on small moments of beauty and reclaiming one's right to live fully in one's body, acknowledging all of its human needs for softness and love. I liked her whimsy and sense of humor and kindness. I do wish that some of the chapters had been slightly more grounded in some of the facts and loose timeline of Slate's life. I didn't know anything about her before starting the book and it took me until almost the last chapter to learn she was the middle of three sisters; a line earlier on had made me think she was maybe a twin. It became clear that she was writing through the process of emotionally recovering from a divorce, but I only learned from wikipedia that her ex-husband had also been a major creative collaboration partner. I wonder if she expected most people reading this book to already be familiar with her biography? Regardless, don't go into this book looking for facts; go instead for a nonlinear reclamation of some simple but hard-won emotional truths and skip any chapter that isn't speaking to you.

People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks, read by Edwina Wren

This book tells a fictional history of a real manuscript- the Sarajevo Haggadah, a beautifully illuminated Hebrew manuscript created in fifteenth-century Spain. The frame narrative follows an Australian manuscript conservation specialist, Hanna Heath, hired to re-bind the pages in the mid 1990s for a Bosnian museum that until extremely recently was in the middle of a war zone. Alternating chapters dip into contentious periods of Europe's history, usually moments of high tension between religious groups (WWII, Vienna at the turn of the century, the Spanish Inquisition in Venice, the banishment of Jews from Spain in 1492, Muslim/Christian conflicts in Seville in the 1480s) and trace how the Haggaadah managed to survive fire, flood, blood, war, and exile in the hands of many different people. This is an ambitious book that mostly achieved is goals; I got through the 14 hour audiobook very quickly. One unfortunate side effect of the narrative structure is that I as the reader didn't spend more than a few hours with any of the characters, and so didn't develop a particularly deep emotional connection with any of them, including Hanna, the lead. My rating is more of a 3.5 or 3.75 rounded up. But still, I appreciate Brooks eye for capturing just most exciting or tense moment from a historical era and will likely try a few more of her books in the future.

Punk Rock Karaoke by Bianca Xunise 

Three friends, recently graduated from high school, struggle to keep their punk band together through the demands of early adulthood. College applications, jobs, family obligations, and makeout partners are all knocking on the door, demanding to be let in. Will Ariel, Michele, and Gael be able to stay true to their creative spirits and to each other? I had a great time with this fast-paced, sweaty summer, friendship-focused book even though the majority of the punk music references went right over my head.

Parasol Against The Axe by Helen Oyeyemi 

Helen Oyeyemi continues to baffle and dazzle me. This one is set in and narrated by Prague, which is a tricky city full of its own complicated whims and desires. Into this self-aware city enter several women: Sofie and Polly, an engaged couple, celebrating their bachlorette weekend together with friends. Hero, a somewhat estranged friend of Sofie's, who come to Prague mostly to avoid a piece of registered mail which is chasing her down. And Thea, a woman willing to commit violence for the right price, on a hired revenge mission that happens to intersect with a dark episode of Sofie and Hero's past. Does that sound straight forward? It isn't. Oh yes and there's also a book, Paradoxical Undressings which tells a different story to every person who cracks open its covers. This book allows Oyeyemi to tell many nested and fantastical anecdotes from Prague's Communist past. As with most Oyeyemi books, there are a few threads I was left scratching my head over, but I had such a good time on the ride that I don't mind. I'll just have to read it again and see if I catch them (assuming it's the same book when I open it a second time!) 

The Sacrificers Vol 1 by Rick Remender, Max Fiumara and Dave McCaig 

The art is absolutely stunning, but the story is a bit too cruel and dark for me to really enjoy. This book takes the concept of the child sacrifice of Omelas and expands it out into a whole fantasy world, in which gods maintain their power through the consumption of innocents. The stunning color panel carried me though the first volume but I'm unlikely to pick up a second book.

Brides of High Hill by Nghi Vo read by Cindy Kay

Another satisfying installment in the Singing Hills Cycle! In this one, Cleric Chih accompanies a young woman and her family to the remote estate of her prospective husband. But all is not as it seems. The potential husband looks at least twice as old as the young woman, and he has a son shut up in a pagoda and kept drugged in his gardens. Everyone on the estate is in some kind of danger, but the secrets are thicker and deeper than even the Cleric can guess.

[blu-oo]

Buggy was Roger’s good luck charm

So I’ve had a headcanon for a while now concerning Buggy and his place on Roger’s crew. It’s no secret that both fans and characters within the One Piece world will look at Buggy and go “How/Why the fuck were you on Roger’s crew?” Hard to say definitively whether or not Buggy actually has good luck considering the absolute hell he has to go through in order to face plant into his power/status, but you still can’t argue that he gains things he is 100% undeserving of lol. Oda’s trolling aside, let’s say that his failing upwards IS purely a result of him having his luck stats set to fucking max with a few buffs tacked on. We can even make this more fun and say the reason Buggy’s luck is so paradoxical is BECAUSE his luck goes to others instead of being reserved for himself (either that or the only reason “failure” is tacked onto this is because Buggy is a jackass and karma doesn’t sleep on her prettiest degenerates). I can see this going down a few different ways:

Maybe they were on an island along the grand line and came across a vendor selling good luck tokens. An ornate looking box catches Roger’s eye, and the vendor starts gushing about how it’s their most “luckiest item” and that it’s very VERY much worth the hefty price tag. It’s also most definitely “a worthwhile investment, trust me! It’ll all pay off in the end!” Whatever that means. Roger’s gut feeling doesn’t need to be told twice, so he buys it. This could be a moment similar to Shanks where they take the box back to the ship only for “SURPRISE! CHEST BABY!” :D to happen again. Roger is no longer allowed to go shopping/haul treasure back to the ship without Rayleigh’s stink eye supervision.

Maybe there’s something similar to the Sabaody slave market where he’s being explicitly advertised as a good luck charm. The person selling him shows off his luck by playing simple tricks (like using cards and gambling with onlookers. Look, if you’re gonna try to sell someone's luck, ya might as well make an extra buck while doing so. And hey, this just proves his good luck charm is working). While the seller is distracted, Roger easily sidels up and eyes Buggy’s mean mug. He asks if Buggy is actually lucky and gets a rudely gestured affirmative. “Great!” He says before yanking the kid up and running off laughing. Rayleigh: what the fuck is that. Roger, tankard in one hand, clown child in the other: a beer.

Maybe Roger just happens upon Buggy and and witnesses his luck in action. Sees how instant karma comes to collect after some pompous jerk spits and belittles little Buggy and immediately he’s shamed and humiliated in front of a bunch of people (in addition to Buggy pit pocketing him in retaliation). He witnesses a merchant make snide and haughty remarks and refuses to sell to Buggy because he’s a visible street rat and then immediately afterwards a flock of rabid seagulls dive bomb his stall and peck at his toupee (a piece of bread is flung and lands right before Buggy’s nose). A group of older teens beating the snot out of buggy and stealing whatever he gained that day only to then immediately run into Roger? Well. Etc. etc. etc. Roger sees all this and more and at this point he decides to take Buggy along just because of how hilarious this all is (Buggy’s eventual love for Roger and therefore his luck beginning to include Roger was just an added bonus).

And since this is such a loose concept (and ignoring that Roger was a D so the following woulda happened anyways lol) we can even say that his luck to Roger is the reason for all the success at the end of his career lol. Edd war? Buggy. Living past his initial expiration date? Buggy. Making it to laugh tale? Buggy, except wait- things didn’t go 100% to plan with that one, huh 🤔🤔🤔🤔 and guess who wasn’t there 🤨🤨🤨🤨 im playing or am i

GASP. OR MAYBE HE HAS ABSOLUTE SHIT LUCK AND HE SAPS THAT SHIT OUTTA EVERYONE AROUND HIM EXPLAINING WHY THEY ALWAYS SOMEHOW LOSE OUT IN SOME WAY INSTEAD OF HIM—