#but that’s just how I feel about her/Andrew’s relationship I guess

[ninyard]

I can’t get over imagining Bee and Andrew after Easthaven. Do you think he tells her about Proust? Does he talk about Drake? How much of his childhood sa has he shared in the past? Does he bring it up now?

I don’t know about Proust. It’s a tough one, because I feel like Andrew probably wouldn’t talk about Proust, at least until after he was dead, but in my opinion Betsy has pushed the boundaries of her therapeutic responsibilities with Andrew enough already, and this might be far too far for her to ignore/do nothing about.

It’s too new, too close, too big. And it’s too fresh for Andrew, too. At least when he’s talking about Drake pre-thanksgiving, or anyone else, it was so long ago that he has distance from it, there’s space between him and the events he’s talking about. But Proust? He’s in Columbia, somewhere, he’s in the state. Andrew could bump into him doing groceries or going for a run. He’s too close. I don’t know.

I think maybe he would talk about him once he’s been killed, or maybe a good while after him returning back from Easthaven. I don’t think he’d be able to talk about it too soon afterwards. If he did, he’d probably have to be very careful with details, because if he never says “this was a doctor at Easthaven” it blurs the lines a little bit of Bee’s obligations I guess.

They probably spend most of them first few weeks talking about his medication, but I feel like Betsy knows there’s something Andrew isn’t telling her. She notices how he hesitates ever so slightly over the details of his withdrawal, or what happened in Easthaven, but she doesn’t push it, because she knows he’ll talk about it when he’s ready.

In my opinion Andrew has shared a lot about his childhood with Bee. She knew about Drake when Abby called her that night, and when she heard that name, I think her heart dropped into her stomach because she knew who he was to Andrew. I’ve always felt like if Neil knows about it, then Betsy does too. Renee knows about some of it, too, and Andrew likes Betsy (as much as he pretends he doesn’t).

But Drake, what happened to him at Nicky’s house, I think he talks about that eventually. I think their first session back is awkward and tense, and he probably avoids talking about it for a while, until at least a good while later. Andrew doesn’t think Bee should’ve been called, it’s hard to talk about, so I don’t think he willingly brings it up. But I don’t think he just ignores it; it just might take quite a while for him to find the right words to explain exactly what happened.

I think he definitely talks to her about it before Aaron’s trial, though.

[devine-fem]

If you wish to get into Spideypool or write for them then this is a masterlist of all ‘Spideypool’ evidence of Wade Wilson or Peter Parker being astrangly interested in each other. This took me forever... please don't flop. If I miss anything please let me know, I'll edit this list as soon as possible.

1. When bound against Spider-Man, Deadpool gets... excited for lack of a better word and even more so when Spider-Man yells at him.

2. Deadpool has a celebrity crush on Spider-Man like young teenage boys would crush on various female actors, but instead Wade Wilson had Spiderman, I guess.

3. Wade Wilson owns a plethora of Spider-man merch, plushies, blankets, posters, underwear, belts, he has them.

4. There are two official variant covers that display Deadpool and Spider-man recreating the upside-down kiss… this is technically not canon due to them being variant covers, but they can be if you want.

5. When someone asks Deadpool about the relationship he has with Spider-Man he either says they are best friends or lovers.

6. Wade is jealous or envious of Peter’s bond with Johnny Storm.

7. Wade comments multiple times about how tight Spider-Man’s suit is and how nice his butt is.

8. Wade has called Tobey Maguire cute.

9. There are mutliple occasions of pedestrians in the marvel universe assuming Spider-Man and Deadpool are some sort of couple.

10. When Deadpool is asked about a romantic date… he imagines him and Spiderman sharing a candlelit dinner together…

11. It’s important to remember that Spider-Man is a grown man. Yes, Deadpool flirts a lot, but he is flirting with another adult that he is sexually attracted to, and this is not a crime, he’s not harassing Spider-Man in any way and if Peter felt like he was then he can also be an adult and tell Wade to stop which he never does.

12. Deadpool most of the time does not know that Peter Parker is Spider-Man so when Wade flirts with Spider-Man, he’s mostly attracted to the idea of Spider-Man he has in his head and when he’s in the position to know Spider-Man’s identity, he always refuses and even protects his identity from being known by other people. + Forehead kiss.

13. Wade has a list of people that he would cheat on his wife with. It’s a list of people he’d be given a free pass to have sex with if he’s given the chance. Most people on this list are woman but the last person is Spider-Man, this is one of the biggest nods towards Deadpool’s sexuality because it’s set in stone that if given the opportunity, he would have sex with Spider-Man, while knowing that he’s a man.

14. Wade has pictures of him and Spider-Man together in his house.

15. Spider-Man keeps pictures of him and Wade on his phone… for reasons… I don’t know why.

16. They have one biological child together called ‘Itsy Bitsy’ and another they adopted called Matrix.

17. Wade doesn’t hesitate to protect Spider-Man.

18. Ryan Renolds and Andrew Garfield have kissed before. Not really evidence, I just think it's funny.

19. Deadpool loses his wife because of how much time he’s devoted to Spider-Man, instead of her. She even calls him out on his crush, he legitimately loses his wife because of his relationship with Spider-Man due to her feeling like she’s third wheeling.

20. Marvel ships it.

21. Asking Spider-Man for a kiss, an upside-down kiss that is and I mean, if you count the variant covers as canon then sure, yeah, never say never Spidey.

22. Wade would die with Spider-Man (and he gets to prove this later)

23. Spider-Man’s touch, voice and smell all seem to calm Wade down. 24. There's an issue in a Deadpool comic literally just called "Spideypool." 25. Wade references fanfiction, fanart and says Spideypool out of his mouth multiple times so he's very aware that this exists. 26. There's an alternate universe where they are old man in an apocalypse. 27. Deadpool's villains are well aware that he has a weak spot for Spider-Man and uses this against him at times. How cute is that? 28. Spider-Man is Wade's special boy... dude, this is so fanficy... 29. Okay, so, the heartmates thing. A group of people use magic to try and summon Deadpool's heartmate to try and get to his wife, I'm not entirely sure what a heartmate is but I'm pretty sure it's a 'one true love' type of thing and yes, this summons Spider-Man, so unless Wade's 'gay jokes' have tricked the concept of magic as a whole, that's pretty on the nose. 30. Wade has seen Spider-Man naked... I'm pretty sure that is what this is implying. 31. Peter does find Wade genuinely annoying sometimes, but he never voices this to Wade directly but the funniest thing is... Peter's attitude to Wade is like a 'he can only get on MY NERVES!' type of thing. 32. Peter genuinely gets worried for Deadpool when he gets hurt even though he has a healing factor, he even takes care of him when he's healing after a mission. 33. Peter gets magicked into thinking Wade is attractive. NOW LET'S GET INTO THE SAD AND EXISTENTIAL STUFF! 34. One of Wade's bigger character arcs is when he tries to become a hero like Spider-Man. He admires Spider-Man, he puts him on a pedestal because he does the right thing without hurting anyone and he's admired for it. To be honest, we did just go through a bunch of cute fanficy moments but this moral back and forth between the two is definitely the gayest thing they've done. 35. Weirdly Peter is trying to actively force himself to hate Wade, but he can't find it within himself to dislike him. I think that his mean comments toward Wade are definitely more of an act because the behavior that Wade displays remind him of things he dislikes within himself. Peter also has been betrayed multiple times throughout his life by people he thought he could trust so he has a hard time allowing himself to trust Wade. Meanwhile Wade feels jealous of what he assumes is a relationship between him and Peter Parker that could possibly be romantic, yes, Wade does think Peter Parker and Spider-Man may have been dating which is why Spider-Man is so protective of Peter Parker which causes Wade to get jealous. 36. Wade and Peter actually become friends very easily which is something that people complained about when this comic was still just coming out. Eventually, because Wade is convinced Peter Parker is an evil doer, he kills Peter Parker (Spider-Man) which causes Spider-Man to revoke their friendship and feel betrayed by Deadpool. Peter assumes that Wade falsified their entire friendship just to get to Peter Parker and kill him, he eventually finds out this was a mistake and brings Peter Parker to life which is around the time where Wade's wife leaves him. Now, because of Peter, Wade is using rubber bullets and refusing to kill people. It's important to remember that Wade in the past, has mentioned that killing was all he had, and he gave that up for Spider-Man, to prove himself to Spider-man. This is a huge thing for Wade, killing was one of his most defining traits but it also made him hate himself, but he's willing to change for Peter.

Is it... wrong of me for kind of finding the fact that Peter has worked to help Deadpool stop killing but this ultimately culminates as Wade killing Peter, like biting the hand that feeds you... is it wrong that I find this tragically romantic...? I need so much therapy. 37. Wade explains that he was just trying to protect Spider-Man which is one of my favorite moments between the two.

38. Peter eventually forgives Deadpool, and they go after the person who put a hit on Peter Parker.

39. When Peter’s mad at him… he doesn’t exactly… hate it? I guess.

40. Wade has a little "What would Spidey do?" wristband. That's adorable. 41. Wade describes his new morality as the best thing that's ever happened to him and one of the biggest things that motivate him to be better is because someone (spidey) genuinely believes that he can get better. He mentions that if Spider-man was to die or leave him then there would be no point in getting better which is so sad to me.

42. Spider-Man has a bad habit of easily forgiving people. Spider-Man has a hero complex and believes that everyone can be saved, even when told to his face that Deadpool is not the type of person that can be save, he defends Deadpool and rejects this idea.

43. When Wade does the right thing Peter tells him that he's proud of him and this is also a big motivator for him. He feels better if he's told someone notices his efforts and feels neglected if they don't.

44. Speaking of tragically romantic, Peter starts to question his morality because he finds out that there's a hole in his life that seemingly can't be filled with doing the right thing anymore. He lets himself slip away and contemplates killing itsy bitsy which he commits to doing but Wade tries relentlessly to stop him.

He ends up killing Wade because he finds that his ongoing worship of him makes him feel guilty. 45. Wade doesn't stop trying to get Peter to stop.

Ultimately Peter beats him in the fight and to stop Peter, he sacrifices himself. He kills Itsy Bitsy instead so Peter can't. He gives up his morality, something that meant the world to him, for Peter, once again. Peter feels immensely guilty for this and promises to make it up to Wade somehow. It's also implied that Wade fills that gap in Peter's life that he's missing.

46. This is from a different writer so it's a little inconsistent, basically because of Wade's new morality, he stops making as many jokes, starts to become more serious and eventually gets to really be alone with himself and his problems which causes him to dislike the version of Wade Wilson he's become because of Spidey. It's like Peter makes him see parts of himself that he dislikes a little bit clearer, and he loses hope, he stops believing that he can actually become better. Cameleon, a villain at the time fakes Deadpool killing someone, Peter believes this - which hurts Wade due to how little faith it seems Peter has in Deadpool. He blows up in Peter's face and says that he did all of this for him, and he doesn't really care about letting everyone down... except him, he feels extremely guilty for some reason when he lets Spider-Man down.

47. Eventually, Peter finds out that Wade did not kill someone and apologizes to Deadpool which is important because it means Peter cannot wrong Deadpool without the narrative making sure he makes amends for his actions. Deadpool sometimes is very vexing, and this is not necessarily entirely Peter's fault for getting aggravated with him. Deadpool does this on purpose, he has low self-esteem and sometimes uses his behavior as a way to push the people he cares about away, whether it's to protect them or to keep himself from getting hurt. Wade has communicated this to Peter before and Peter very sweetly affirmed him. 48. Wade has a daughter named Ellie that he keeps far away from him because he does not want her getting in the middle of his mercenary business and getting hurt. He says that one day when he's ready to put this mercenary stuff behind him then he'll be ready to take care of her properly. Wade introduces his daughter to Spider-Man, and she says that she loves Spider-Man and Daddy talks about him all the time which Wade adorably gets embarrassed by. 49. Peter goes out of his way to hang out with Wade. 50. Theres this huge arc of future!Wade Wilson coming back from the future into the past to stop things from going so wrong in the future. This might be confusing but basically, this whole arc is about how Wade refuses to live without Peter and without Peter's permission, gives up some of his healing factor to keep Peter alive way past his due date. He outlives every person he knows and the only person he has is Deadpool. He even gives up being Spider-Man until busting a robbery motivates him to be Spider-Man one more time which he spends that time with Deadpool. Peter almost dies once again and to save Peter, Deadpool gives up more of his healing factor to keep him alive. It's so strange to me that Wade refuses to live without Peter but what's even stranger is that it's revealed that Peter knows Deadpool is keeping him alive and never stops him. These two are so weird about each other. This eventually culminates with the both of them dying in each other's arms, I kid you not. 51. So, Wade and Peter, long story short, stops this future from happening which is the second the last arc. The last last arc is them defeating the concept of the third wall I believe...? 52. Another thing that is EXTREMELY important to note is that Wade and Peter are canonically established friends right now. During the last 10 issues of their solo comic they become friends, set in stone, no going back on that. Peter finally accepts Wade as he is, and they go on a little adventure together. There's no point in saying Peter doesn't like Wade or Wade doesn't like Peter. Peter and Wade's friendship developed over time, there's no need to try and erase their friendship. Peter likes Wade now; he stops pretending to be annoyed with him, he cheers him on, and he compliments him regularly. He even trusts Wade enough to reveal himself as Peter Parker. Peter and Wade's friendship was very similar to Johnny Storm and Peter Parker's, both hated each other at first but then slowly became good friends. There's no point of putting Spideytorch and Spideypool against each other when they are so similar. 53. Wade thinks Peter is handsome. 54. Peter thinks Wade is a hero. 55. One of my favorite moments because I am CRAZY. Wade dying for Peter without hesitation and Peter being devastated. This happens almost right after Peter reveals himself as Peter Parker. 56. Wade has eaten Peter before, if you're into that Cannibalism being a metaphor for love type of thing.

57. Wade has called Peter 'baby boy' and "bambi' but these things have happened literally one time before and have become extremely overused. Wade has plenty of nicknames for Peter, let's mix it up a bit. 58. Marvel's little animation for the both of them. 59. They've interacted in Ultimate Spider-Man before.

60. Peter has a fever dream… Deadpool is crossdressing in it.

61. Deadpool gets put into a falsified reality where everything is his version of perfect, this is a villians way of getting information out of Deadpool while using his favorite things as leverage. In this reality, fake!Spider-Man tries to get information out of Deadpool by bribing him with sex. I kid you not.

62. His little “Make Spidey mine, Marvel!” Badge. He’s so down bad.

63. The entirety of Deadpool (2013) Issue #10.

64. The official Deadpool manga where Deadpool contemplates asking Spider-Man for a dirty favor.

65. Deadpool’s random little Spider-Man keychain at the handle of his Katanna.

Or, y’know, reading their duo comic: Spider-Man/Deadpool (2016) would also basically tell you everything you need to know about their dynamic if you need somewhere to start. I hope this helped to refresh anyone’s mind on things as well.

Again, if I missed anything cute, please let me know. I’ll edit it as soon as possible.

[permanentswaps]

SwapFindr (Pt. 3)

Over the next week, Andrew’s responses were sporadic at best. Every time I tried to reach out, I’d get some version of the same dismissive reply: “Busy, can’t chat now” or “Let’s talk later”—but that “later” never came. Yet without fail, my Instagram feed was filled with clips of him at the gym, shirtless, flexing, and showing off his form. He had even started making workout videos, giving advice on routines, nutrition, and motivation. People were eating it up. His following was slowly growing, with comments like “Goals, bro” and “Looking shredded, man.”

Meanwhile, I was struggling. Big time. Andrew’s chunkier, stockier build felt heavy and sluggish compared to what I was used to. No matter how hard I tried to get comfortable, it just didn’t feel like me.

Sexually, it was even worse. I’d told myself when we first swapped that I didn’t want to do anything sexual in Andrew’s body—it just seemed too weird. Not only because of how foreign the body felt, but because the bulkiness made me feel completely unsexy. I avoided mirrors as much as possible, hating the way his broader chest and softer stomach jiggled when I moved.

I tried to distract myself. I hung out with Andrew’s friends, trying to keep up appearances during the swap, and that’s how I ended up spending the night with Eve. We were just supposed to be hanging out, but as the night wore on, things started to shift. She’d always been flirty with Andrew, and now I was in his body, I guess I was supposed to play along. The more I resisted, the worse it got, until eventually, I couldn’t anymore. The hormones, the frustration—it all took over. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, we were in bed together.

Afterward, I lay there, staring at the ceiling, feeling a mix of shame and guilt wash over me. Eve was asleep beside me, her body curled up under the covers, while I felt that familiar post-nut clarity sink in.

I grabbed my phone and opened our chat again, my heart racing as I typed out the message.

L: Hey Andrew, dude, you really gotta respond… I fucked Eve.

Andrew's response came within seconds this time – figures.

A: Haha! Look at you, man! A stud. Eve's been trying to get with me for years, and I always pushed her off. Guess you made her dreams come true, huh?

I stared at the message, my stomach twisting. He thought this was funny? I had been freaking out all night, unable to sleep, my mind racing with every worst-case scenario imaginable. I fired back a response, my fingers shaking.

L: It’s not funny, man. She didn’t want me to wear a condom. I was so horny, I wasn’t thinking straight. I hadn’t jerked off in, like, two weeks. What if I got her pregnant?

The response took a little longer this time.

A: Relax, dude. Eve’s on the pill. You’re fine.

L: Are you sure?

A: Well… I mean, she’s kinda spacey sometimes, but she’s probably on top of it. I wouldn’t worry too much.

I clenched the phone in my hand. Probably? Was that supposed to make me feel better?

L: Can we just call? Please?

A: Can’t right now, bro. I’m actually on a date with Jack—the journalist I told you about last week. Dude, it’s going so well. This is our third date this week. He’s so smart, man, you’d love him.

My jaw dropped. He was still seeing Jack? I thought he was just fooling around, but three dates in a week? That was serious. And in my body?

L: Andrew, you can’t get into a serious relationship with someone in my body.

The dots appeared instantly this time.

A: Oh come on, don’t be a hypocrite. You just fucked one of my closest friends and came inside her. That’s way more serious than a few dates. Besides, at least Jack can’t get you pregnant in this body. But that won’t stop us from trying tonight ;)

My heart was pounding. He was clearly not taking any of this seriously.

A: Honestly, man, I’m setting you up to have the perfect boyfriend when you’re back in your body. You always struggled with relationships, right? I’m actually doing you a favor.

L: Jack is falling for you, not me.

There was a long pause before his reply came, almost as if he was dismissing everything I’d just said.

A: Oh, gotta go. He just got us our drinks. Talk later, bro.

*Andrew logs off*

[coraniaid]

I'm pretty critical of Buffy's final season (because ... well, I've watched it), but there are some things I think it does well and, since I'm trying to talk myself into working on my S7 AU fic again, I thought it might be worth trying to write down what they are.

I like the sense of completeness there is in going back to some of the show's beginnings. I like seeing Buffy in school again, but this time as an adult with a job. It doesn't just let us re-examine the high school years from a new perspective, it gives Buffy's arc over the last few seasons a nice sense of direction. I like what little we see of Dawn in high school. (I wish there were more episodes like Help.) In principle, I even like the fact that this season's Big Bad is a supernatural threat we've seen on the show before.

While I think there are a lot of problems with the execution (and even with the wider concept) of making the First Evil the primary (frequently the only) antagonist, the First being around does give you a lot of possibilities for having characters literally come face to face with their pasts. I like the final scene of Lessons and I like Conversations With Dead People and I like seeing the Mayor on screen again. I wish the show had done more with this concept.

I like meeting new (Potential) Slayers and finding out more about past Slayers. I like Robin Wood. I like Kennedy. (I wish the show did a better job making the audience care about any of the other Potentials.) I like that Faith comes back. I like that there is a focus on what it means to be a Slayer this season (compare how the show opens, with Buffy taking Dawn on patrol and telling her "it's about power..." [which Dawn doesn't have], to the scene in Chosen where Buffy asks the Potentials "what if you could have that power?").

I also (sorry) really like the fact that the writers resisted the urge to make Dawn a Potential or have her suddenly develop any magical powers as a result of being the Key (which there are at least rumours they were talking about doing). I like that the show stuck with the idea that Dawn is the part of Buffy who gets to be an ordinary girl.

For all its flaws (silly CGI battle against monsters I don't care about which is resolved by a random mcguffin from a different show; weird retcon about Sunnydale apparently being inland; a bunch of other unfortunate writing choices I won't get into here) I really do like Chosen a lot. It feels very fitting that the show ends with Buffy both finally getting to leave Sunnydale and with her no longer having to shoulde the burden of being "the" Slayer (or one of only two Slayers, anyway) anymore. I love how open-ended and hopeful that manages to be.

And speaking of Chosen, I like Buffy's "cookie dough" speech. I like the fact that the show lets Buffy end the series single, and recognizing that she doesn't have to be in a serious romantic relationship if she doesn't feel she's ready for one right now. (I like post-S7 Fuffy as a concept a lot, sure, but I think I prefer it as something that neither of them rushes into.)

I like that Amy comes back? I mean, I don't like anything the season does with her, but still: points for remembering she exists, I guess.

I like the fact that Willow gets to grieve Tara but also move on with her life and start dating again. [I don't know if I would have killed Tara off if I was writing S6 -- I think probably not -- but given that Tara did die I think this is the only good option.]

Empty Places is a good .... name for an episode?

For all my (many, many) issues with Andrew Wells this season (and in particular with just how much Andrew Wells is in this season, which is ... a lot), I think Storyteller is ... pretty good? I liked Jonathan, I think it's sad he dies (and his speech about missing high school now that he's left is another good moment from this season) but I wouldn't really have wanted to have him turn up and help save the day either. Having Andrew kill him (and then have to face up to the fact) feels like the right choice, to me, if you were going to bring either character back [I'm not really sure I would have done that though, to be honest].

Equally, for all my irritation at the time wasted on the "is Giles the First Evil?" subplot and at some of the other character deaths the writers did go for, I'm glad that the Core Four all survive. What the season actually does with Giles isn't very good, and neither Xander nor Willow are in this season enough (especially not in its second half), but at least they all get to live.

Oh, and Anya. I'm glad the writers didn't give in to the temptation to kill off Anya for some sort of cheap shock value, the way some leaked early drafts of Chosen suggest they were thinking of doing. Can you imagine how infuriating that would have been? I don't know if I would ever have accepted it. I might even now be living in denial. Thankfully common sense prevailed there and Anya definitely survived.

[stellar-mop]

The Coffin of Andy and Leyley has me thinking about gender and gender roles a lot. I know other people have done more in-depth analysis of this, but I'm just gonna throw my thoughts out into the void of tumblr (the void is welcome to yell back, just be nice please)

I think one of the things that makes these characters fascinating especially for me as a vaguely-agender nonbinary person is like the places I can see where their gender is impacting their interactions and choices. Like changing the gender of the characters would fundamentally change their story and personality (love y'all's genderswap AUs tho, this is not an objection).

Something I'm not sure how to articulate super well is how the game interacts with like neurodivergence gender stereotypes. On the surface level they line up with the "women are emotional and men aren't allowed to show feelings" set of gender stereotypes. But I think there's another layer if you look at it through the lens of how societal pressures around mental illness and gender intersect especially in like school-aged kids/teens. Like Andrew being the "easy child" and Ashley being... Ashley. In not-particularly-nuanced terms: "boy" neurodivergence shows as acting out and being a problem child (which Ashley does), and "girl" neurodivergence gets hidden via masking and passivity (which Andrew does). I think it's neat that this is contrary to societal expectations - like this would be a very different story if Andrew was a pushy chaotic mess and Ashley was apathetic but seething under the surface. Because gender! What's even up with that?

Less sfw thoughts under the cut, including some coffincest stuff. Warnings for unhealthy relationships and attitudes towards sex:

The way Ashley and the mom talk about sex is fascinating. I've read some really good analyses on here about Ashley thinking about sex as transactional and I think she gets that from her mom. In that one scene ("you fuck her") the mom asks Andrew something like "what does she give you to make it worth it?" Like, the only reason she can think of for why Andrew wants to spend time with Ashley is sex. That says a lot about the mom as a person (also wow she really does see zero value in Ashley as a person wtf), and probably the way Ashley was raised to think about sex. And that's a very gendered (like cishet women specifically) view of sex. Like sex in a relationship as something to be tolerated, and for Ashley "another way to keep him around".

But I'm also wondering about the flip side of that, like is the mom only tolerating the dad for sex? Because I don't really get the impression that she likes him very much, but they textually have a very active sex life. If so, this is also sort of counter to societal gender roles/expectations. I really don't like the parents but they're such fascinating characters too.

I guess my point with all this is like we got distracted by the cannibalism and murder and incest and demon summoning, but there's some really neat and subtle stuff about gender in here that I want to talk about too! It's just so well written there's so much depth

*slaps roof of game* this bad boy can fit so much dysfunction!

[zorasthoughts]

BRIDGERTON SEASON THREE TRAILER!!!!

all my thoughts below :) (also, i haven't read any of the books apart from an offer from a gentleman so i'm going in blind)

"we have been apart for far too long" - yeah we have! didn't realise how much i'd been missing the julie andrews voiceovers

kate and anthony!! - look at them being all happy and in love

eloise and cressida, interesting - i'm pretty sure el is doing this just to spite penelope, but i wonder what we'll see them talk about in these scenes

can we get a "hell yeah!" for pen being done with her family and deciding to actually do something about it? girlie is entering her main character era

colin arriving back and his family being shocked at his rizz and his new look is fun. i feel like compared to daphne, who was the eldest daughter and was the diamond of her season, and anthony who is the head of the family, and was a big catch, colin is just some guy. i like the idea of him also getting into his main character era

also, important psa for anyone who missed it: kate and anthony were holding hands!!! (it's not a massive deal in the grand scheme of things, i just love their casual intimacy and affection during a time when people were more reserved)

lmao, colin getting changed in the carriage on his way to court with the others is so chaotic

and before the scene cuts away, we can see anthony and benedict laughing, so i hope we get more fun teasing among the bridgerton brothers this season. i think compared to last season, which was quite angsty, this season will be lighter in general

a deal to help a girl find a husband because you are friendly/acquinted with her will definitely work. just look at how it went for daphne and simon!!

hehehe, penelope trying to flirt is so funny. nicola coughlan is great at comedy, just look at derry girls. i felt like i could see clare coming out in this scene

"she's not seeking a husband in YOU i hope" and "since when are you worried about penelope?" - yeah, eloise misses her friend. i'd reckon much of el's arc this season is going to be her working through her feelings from that final scene with her and pen in 2x08

penelope debuting her new look is iconic. and so pretty!!! i love that even cressida's jaw was dropping, and the way everyone was turning to look at her. someone in the comments section on youtube said it was similar when daphne shows up at the ball to get the prince's attention, and i love that pen gets to have a moment like that

what makes me sad though is that this is the ball we saw in the clip released last month where everyone was (rightly) losing their minds over kanthony (myself included) while pen was just standing in the corner having no-one pay attention to her

the violins are giving angst

also, it seems interesting that lady danbury seems to be giving pen some advice. i don't think the two have ever interacted in the show, but maybe after lady danbury sees pen's new look and that she is looking to bag a husband, she decides to take pen under her wing?

portia being happy for pen is honestly cute. my guess is in this scene that that guy had asked portia for her blessing to propose to pen and that's why portia is so excited. i'm interested to see what their relationship will be like this season, both are quite complex characters, with a complicated relationship

violet giving colin advice is nice, and i like them discussing friendship as being a key part, and maybe even the most important thing for a romantic relationship. in season one, she did tell daphne to "simply marry the person who feels like your dearest friend" so i think that a similar conversation could be the start of colin realising his feelings for penelope have crossed from the territory of platonic to romantic

the costume design this season is really good, because penelope starts off with the very bright and gaudy featherington shades, then starts dressing in greens that are either a dark emerald shades, or a softer mint colour, but that then shifts to a pale teal, and then pale blues, and lilacs, signalling her journey towards becoming a bridgerton

okay, the overhead shot around 2 minutes 8 seconds in the trailer? that's kate and anthony, right? very curious about this scene

francesca!! not said anything about her yet, but i'm curious about what she'll be getting up to this season

violet having a potential love interest makes me happy, but i hope they would commit to it. i found her storyline in the queen charlotte show to be pretty compelling, and she deserves a chance to find love again

kate and anthony dancing!! obviously we saw some of the dance in the clip that has already been released, but it looks as though we're going to see a full dance scene between them, and it's going to be everything (to me, at least)

that final part of the trailer with colin and penelope? it's so tense and emotional!! i wonder if this could be something to do with whistledown? has colin figured it out?

[ashleyhuh]

I think given Andrew's position and how he grew up what he's done was very justified

I think the way that Andrew operates in The Coffin of Andy and Leyley is justified given how he grew up and the positions he was forced to be in. +some theories that the mom had a bigger hand in forcing Andrew to raise her.

Maybe that's a hot take but lemme elaborate.

I see a lot of Andrew slander that I really disagree with

Given he was forced to look after his sister and manage her wellbeing from a very young age it was drilled into his head early on that Ashley is his #1 priority and to not do so would be to see Ashley scolded by the mom and in turn her yelling at you to take better care of Ashley. This feels hinted at in Progress Report 3 where it really comes off as such(although this scene could be anything so take it with a grain of salt).

Either way Andrew felt there would be repercussions for not taking care of his sister and things that are ingrained in childhood can have serious echo's in your behavior for the rest of your life.

Andrew's staunch supportiveness towards his sister can really be felt in conversations when Ashley is not with him. We as of writing this post have not seen Andrew ever once talk bad about Ashley when she wasn't around. Even going as far as to lie to others to protect her image. This can be seen in the dream Julia flashback where Andrew says Ashley was shaken up by Nina's death which is a complete lie, however, he just doesn't know how to break it to his "girlfriend" that he just prioritizes Ashley way more than Julia because of both his protective nature towards her and his developed feelings.

The two have mixed. Andrew not only wants to now protect Ashley at all costs but somewhere along the way he clearly develops strong feelings towards her and now he's willing to throw everything away for her at any moment to be with who he loves most.

With Progress Report 4 released we get a MASSIVE view into the circumstances Andrew started dating Julia. Rumors are spread about Andrew and Ashley, rumors we can all infer are not good for Andrew and Ashley's public image and so to get rid of them Andrew dates someone who looks like Ashley. Andrew doesn't care for Julia the way he does for Ashley because Andrew superficially dated Julia to get rid of the rumors. I speculate he even was somewhat trying to focus his feelings for his sister to someone he wasn't related to. Andrew probably thought of her as a way to void the rumors given how Andrew somewhat cares about seeming normal he might've thought this was a decent idea at the start of the relationship and as things deteriorated he started asking her to tie her hair up and look even more like his sister.

When Julia broke up with Andrew, Andrew didn't care. He wasn't upset really because he didn't need her anymore. Andrew had Ashley are in a spot now where they don't need to hide themselves anymore. Well lovingly they still are on the run LOL.

I mean just LOOK at Andrew's face at the end. That isn't "ooo pretty girl" That's "Kinda annoying but whatever I guess..."

The face and sigh at the end of the video is really what makes me think this.

That and Andrew's general tense attitude like Julia is just taking up his time, he doesn't care about other girls even though he's single.

He doesn't care because he has his Ashley. The only girl in his life he truly loves and the rest don't matter to him.

Andrew growing up in the position he did and his feeling towards his sister really put him in a pinch. He couldn't show his feelings and he was raised to care for her with his life. He couldn't let her go but he tried making the best of what he had until he was Quarantined.

Lemme know what y'all think this was sorta just me throwing my thoughts to the wall lol

[coff-in]

We can have Toxic!Siblings Graves x Y/N (Andrew and Reader Romantic) (Ashley and Reader platonic)

Y/N would have been the babysitter when they were just kids, it wasn't by choice obviously, as Y/N's parents were working all day and couldn't leave a child alone all day, while Mrs. Graves simply couldn't. He wanted to take care of his own children.

So they decided to make Y/N a full-time babysitter for the Graves family, she gets food and isn't left alone while the Graves Siblings are taken care of, everyone wins :D (Sarcasm)

Their relationship was a little tense at first, Leyley was a pest to Y/N, calling her several names and accusing her of stealing her brother, which resulted in the two fighting all the time.

Even so, she didn't understand why Leyley still insisted on staying close to her, she didn't know that for Leyley, Y/N was the closest thing to a mother she had.

While for Andy, he found it strange to obey someone who is only 1 year older than him, but he liked the idea of someone looking out for him.

Until the infamous box day arrived.

Andrew felt so overwhelmed by that day, that he started to become more clingy/protective towards Y/N, as she was the only one who was understanding of his feelings, who became his safe haven and he was afraid of losing that. .

It got to the point where he and his sister created false rumors about dating/friends so that Y/N wouldn't abandon them.

The two siblings didn't know that Y/N knew that they killed Nina, she just didn't tell them because Mrs. Graves (out of a minimal maternal feeling) threatened her by saying that she was also an accomplice, since she should be taking care of them.

Because of this, as time passed, Y/N began to behave colder/aggressive/distant towards most people, especially her parents. Since they were responsible for her being practically abandoned and for practically selling her childhood to be a "mother" of two brats that no one wanted to take care of.

Until we reach Chapter 2, after sacrificing Mr and Mrs. Graves, Y/N received an amulet from the Demon that is capable of entering the dreams and memories of others while she sleeps. Then she accidentally manages to see the memories of Andrew and Ashley that they made with her behind her back.

note from coff-in: GOD THIS IS SO YUMMY!!! i love how long and detailed the ask is as it gives me something to build off of (which is always welcomed, i’m not always the creative i want to be). thank you so much for requesting! i think my characterization of andrew and ashley was a little wonky. i tried watching playthroughs of the game to see how they talk and think but i literally get too flustered to look at them whenever they're on screen, hahaha!! more Ashley focused than what you migh've hoped for but i tried my best to keep her interactions and thinking platonic and andrew's romantic. this was a wonderful idea and i have to thank you again so, so, so much for requesting. please enjoy!!!

[fem] reader-insert, reader is older than andrew by 1 year

Like a worm to an apple, they've carved their way into your life.

[reader] fucking hates the Graves siblings, hahaha!

Okay, maybe she doesn’t hate them, but [reader] definitely has a strained relationship with Andrew and Ashley. I don’t think that the quarantine helped them out much either. [reader]’s parents not only abandoned her and left her to become a parent of kids not that younger than her, but they actually sold her off. They probably heard of the quarantine from Mrs. Graves and decided that it sounded fun, I guess.

Ashley mellowed out her hatred towards [reader] as they grew up together. I don’t think we’ve ever seen Ashley interact with someone she sees as a friend (besides Andrew). I think she’d be very possessive over them. [reader] is her friend! She should be focusing on her and Andrew and no one else!

She and [reader] probably share clothes in the quarantine since [reader]’s clothes would all be at her home (wherever that would be…)

Andrew’s fucking living the dream. The rumors he and Ashley spread of them and [reader] worked to keep [reader] close but I don’t think that [reader] actually dated Andrew. I mean, if the boy you babysat during your childhood killed a little girl and got away with it, would you date him?

The quarantine has given him and [reader] that forced proximity that he hopes would work to get her into his arms. (And maybe under the sheets, too…? Hehehehe!)

He would go to [reader] during the night to sleep in the same bed during his nightmares. I think he would also go to Ashley for comfort from his nightmares, too, since she was actually there when Nina died (I’m pretty sure that’s what the nightmares were about) but this is just a personal thought/headcanon of mine.

Overall, they’re both clingy, possessive and kinda obsessive over [reader] and she hates it. Their relationship changed once they killed and cannibalized their cultist neighbor. With Nina, [reader] didn’t really have a choice… she wasn’t there in the room when they killed her in that box and Mrs. Graves didn’t allow her to tell the authorities to rightfully send these fuckers to jail!

“You’re an accomplice” my ass, [reader] thinks to herself.

But now? Sharing a meal with the two people she despises the most next to her parents, made with the blood and flesh of another human? Yeah, she can’t possibly say that she’s an innocent party now.

Once the gang pulls up at the hotel [reader] is ready to leave the Graves’s asses. This is her chance at freedom now! She doesn’t need to babysit them anymore, they’re fucking adults now!

Her chances are dashed once the hitman comes over to try and kill them. I never mentioned the demon and the vision trinket but I’m sure [reader] tries to block it out from her mind as much as possible. Kinda hard to do it now that she knows that yes, the trinket does work, and yes, there are actual fucking demons that exist in their world.

At the Graves parent’s house, [reader] probably wouldn’t do too much there. Obviously she can’t talk Ashley out of sacrificing them and Andrew is more-or-less aboard with the idea. [reader] just kinda stands out of the way when it comes to the bondage and actual killing/sacrificing part. I think [reader] would sleep with Ashley in the basement much to Andrew’s chagrin.

“[reader]? Are you okay?” Ashley looked at [reader]’s side profile as they lay on the floor next to each other. “You haven’t said much since we got here.”

[reader] stayed quiet. In all honesty, she was probably disassociating at that moment. Looking back at her memories in hopes of finding a piece of happiness lost somewhere so she can grab it. This whole fucking ‘adventure’ has been a total shitshow… 

“If it’ll make you feel better, we could kill your parents afterward.” Ashley offered carefully.

“Why the fuck would we do that…?” [reader] didn’t look at Ashley and continued to stare at the ceiling. She tried to focus on the cool concrete of the ground, the darkness that covered the walls, and their victims sleeping just upstairs.

“They weren’t any better than our parents, were they? I heard our parents talking when you were younger… you’re another child that wasn’t wanted. Just like me and Andy!” She smiled at [reader] as she got up to sneak towards the staircase. “It’s something that’ll bring us together! We’ll be orphans and friends! Unwanted children to the very end!”

When they finally sacrifice the Graves parents, everyone is shocked that the demon decides to give [reader] a trinket of her own. It’s a simple trinket in the shape of an eye with three stars dangling from it. It looks very similar to Ashley’s trinket.

That night (or day, I guess?) [reader] wanders about the demon/dreamscape and finds the memory of Andrew and Ashley spreading rumors. (You mentioned that it was on accident, so maybe she was trying to avoid looking at Ashley’s respective vision for the route you wanna go down). I mean, it’s not too hard. Who knows where any of those doors that litter the place will lead?

“Did you know that [reader] my friend?” Ashley would tell other students during lunch at school. “She’s my best friend even, so I don’t need you guys to sit with me or anything!” The other classmates give her demeaning leers and skeptical stares as Ashley turns away to find you in the cafeteria.

“What a fucking weirdo… there’s no way [reader] would be friends with her.”

“She’s probably lying about it.”

“I could see her and [reader] being friends… doesn’t she babysit her and Andrew?”

“Isn’t [reader] dating Andrew? Someone said that Andrew and [reader] were dating…”

What the fuck? What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?

Anger starts to boil up in [reader]’s veins as they replay that interaction in their mind. They’ve been pulling the fucking strings from the start. They’d been slowing sinking their teeth around her neck until she was trapped in their jaws, unable to escape the hell of their design.

What. The. Fuck!

----

coff-in

[disappointmentofthefam]

Love?Love. (part 4)

Andy Barber x Reader

warnings-kind of a slow, filler chapter, nothing much happens but its important to thee plot ig WHATEVER.

Paralyzed.

Y/n was paralyzed in her place.

"Hello? Please move out of the way," Laurie pushes her way through her, "who even are you?" She grimaces.

Unable to answer the woman with the mountain-sized lump in her throat and the squeezing of her heart, y/n runs out of the house.

Girl grief is ugly. There is no smoking-out-the-balcony-in-just-her-panties or the sexy-dancing-in-her-bedroom-while-planning-revenge. No, the movies had gotten it all wrong.

Girl grief consists of puffy eyes, a bloated face, runny nose, ugly thoughts and very unkind assumptions about one's own self.

you're so stupid, so so so so so stupid!

look at yourself, she cries in front of her bathroom mirror, you're so ugly.

she pinches the extra mass on her stomach, how did you even assume you meant something to him?

She excuses herself from dinner, "im not hungry,mom!" while clutching her chest and sobbing into the pillow.

he had a wife the entire time. Of course he did! He would never ever go for me! Laurie is so skinny, she's porcelain, so perfect. I don't compare! I can't compare to her! she's her and I'm ME.

she lies in her bed awake the entire night, playing those moments with Andy over and over again, trying to find solace in the warm memories.

…………………………………………………………………………….

Back at The Barber's residence

"Laurie?" Andy's eyes widen in surprise and concern for y/n, "What are you doing here? Where's y/n?"

"y/n huh? Is that the name of the girl you were plannin on fucking tonight?" Laurie's voice is filled with malice and contempt.

Andy's fists clench at the way his ex describes y/n, "One,that's none of your business and two, she's not just some girl who I wanted to fuck."

"Jesus, Andrew," Laurie gives him a vicious smile, "You're going to fight with your wife over some dumb piece of ass?"

This fucking did it for Andy, As he lurches forward and grabs her wrist "I dare you, fucking say that again."

Laurie snatches her hand from his tight grasp, "Whatever," she rubs her wrist, "i don't give a fuck about her, I'm here to see my son."

"He's in his fucking room," Andy gives her a sarcastic smile, "and by all means, do not make yourself comfortable in my home." With that he leaves the house, and calls y/n.

His relationship with Laurie was um……….. as diplomatic as it could be, for the sake of their son. He could barely tolerate her presence, especially after she constantly treated him like her own personal trash can, putting him through the worst, over and over again throughout the rough course of their marriage.

And still she just wouldn't go away!

fuck y/n pick up,angel

…………………………………………………………

18 missed calls and 23 (unopened)text messages later, Andy decides he can't risk losing her.

He finds a girl who despite all the horrors of life, shines like a ray of motherfucking sunshine,the only woman Andrew Barber would embarrass himself for. No way he was going to lose her, not without a fight.

So there he is. At her doorstep as he rings the doorbell.

"Yes?" A woman, Y/n's mother, he guesses, opens the door, "Mr. Barber! Welcome, welcome," she extends a warm invitation.

So this is who y/n gets her sweet soul from

"Another time, Mrs. y/l/n," Andy returns a small smile, "is y/n here?"

"Yes, yes, she's up in her room, did you need anything?"

"Yeah….uh….." Think, Andy, think, "yeah I needed her help with uhhh…. she told me that I could borrow this book from her….. it's about uhh….historic politics."

historic politics? that's the best i could come up with? HOW AM I EVEN A LAWYER

Her mother disappears upstairs for a moment, and then returns with a tight lipped and disappointed smile, "I'm sorry but she's feeling a little sick right now, maybe you could come back tomorrow?"

With droopy shoulders,Andy gets into his car, because going to his house was not an option,not until Laurie was out of there.

………………………………………………………………………..

The next morning, Y/n goes to unbelievable lengths to avoid running into Andy. Although she does receive a bouquet of sunflowers, sent anonymously, with a small handwritten letter attached to it:

"Angel, please give me a chance to explain, I promise it's not what it looks like."

that's literally the classic phrase of a cheating man, I'm not falling for it

"Come on,y/n, we both know you deserve better than being someone's mistress,"her best friend had said, "flowers will never change the fact that he has a wife."

y/n even goes as far as to tutor Jacob at her house.

Jacob is a little confused as to why y/n brought him here. " So, what happened with you and dad-"

"Nuh-uh,the only questions i will entertain are about nomenclature."

……………………………………………………………………………..

As the night falls, y/n can't help but get a little curious about Andy.

is he doing okay? who am i kidding,he's probably unaffected.

how could he be so okay?

tears well in her eyes once again.

how could he be so okay while i can't even digest half of a toast without throwing it up!

As curiosity gets the best of her, y/n slowly peeks through the curtains in her room,getting the full view of Andy's bedroom through his unshielded window.

Damn! doesn't this man have a sense of privacy?well,shit, what else could you expect from a two timer, rich,white man.

Suddenly, Andy appears into her view, he's wearing nothing but a towel, lowly hanging from his pelvis.

His hair looked wet, framing his forehead gracefully.

His arms flexed as he took another towel and started drying his hair off.

Fuck you, Andy, you're making it really really hard for my self respect!

………………………………………………………………………….

Over the course of the next five days, y/n continues with her little routine of trying everything in her power to avoid Andy while more and more bouquets pile up in her room with different notes attached every day:

"take your time angel, you know I'll be waiting for you."

"i loved the way your lips felt on mine."

"angel, You're driving me crazy."

and so on.

"Why does she have to be so stubborn?"Andy grimaces as he settles down on the sofa with a beer in his hands.

"Look at you! Andrew Barber, finally at the mercy of romance." Sam, his best friend quips from beside Andy.

A few beers in, Sam's mind sparks with an idea,"I'll throw a party at my house this weekend!"

Andy rolls his eyes, "My love life is literally in the burning pits of hell and you want a party?"

"No, dumbass, I'll invite Y/n too!"

Andy sits up straight,an eager smile on his face, "YES! A party it fucking is then!"

See you soon, angel

[coffincestuous]

i NEED to know if the voicemails are real shit ashley said or are just andrew’s subconscious guessing what she could’ve said

i’m curious as to whose mind it reflects. if it’s really ashley, it shows a Lot about her insecurities and what exactly bothers her the most about julia’s relationship with andrew. we know she has a lot of internalized misogyny from the way that she talks about herself and other women, but for her to express that she doesn’t think andrew values julia as a person is.. wild!!

on the other hand, if it’s andrew’s subconscious putting its own words in ashley’s mouth, it’s very interesting to see how he views her without a filter.

andrew knows ashley super well, and he has known about her possessive problems ever since she started having them as a kid. he knows why she feels insecure, he knows she feels threatened by julia and everyone else who gets close to andrew, and he knows that she’s sent voicemails because (presumably) julia told him during their breakup phone call. (or he heard her???)

there’s a possibility of julia playing the voicemails for andrew, but i don’t think that’s very likely considering what we’ve seen of her thus far. (she asked andrew not to get mad for her suggesting a little distance between him and ashley. whether she’s saying it Just In Case or because he’s gotten angry at julia about ashley before is a mystery!) but, maybe ashley had been sending voicemails for a while, and julia just got to her breaking point.

maybe ashley has sent previous girlfriends of andrew’s similarly scathing voicemails? maybe he just subconsciously filled in what he’s heard from her before? maybe he’s projecting some of his own issues with ashley?

[id: two lines of dialogue from andrew’s dream sequence. ashley says, in a voicemail to julia, “do you think you’re better than me? just because you can fuck him and i can’t?” end id.]

i’m so so curious. the fact the ashley sent voicemails is real,

[id: three images of the coffin of andy and leyley. in the first image, ashley looks smug as she says asks “oooh, she dumped you? why is that?”

in the second image, andrew is shown from behind with a shadow over the top of his head. he asks “…why do you think?”

the third image shows ashley looking slightly nervous. she asks “h-how should i know?” end id.]

but if what we hear of those voicemails is real, i’m not sure…

[ninyard]

I didn't like when andrew said renee was useful?

Like weren't they friends idk it sounded weird

Okay maybe this is me being the big ol Andrew Minyard apologist that I am but I’m not sure he means that in the way that it seems. Prepare yourself for my silly thoughts:

Andrew and Neil got to this place in their conversation by Neil asking how Andrew can be so disconnected from his teammates. Neil feels he has to let them in, let them be his "friends", let them get to know him. So how has Andrew managed to keep them at such a distance, to avoid letting them in? Because he doesn't want to. Andrew just says they're not interesting enough.

Neil is already wondering what's going on between Andrew and Renee at this point. So he sort of backtracks on himself then - Andrew actually has let people stand in, and Renee is one of them.

And Andrew knows everyone is betting on him and Renee. He’s quick with the, “You expected a different answer?” because I think he knows there’s a high likelihood somebody has told Neil about this bet, and given Neil’s “That’s it?” I think he could also tell that Neil thought that him and Renee could’ve been a thing (or at least that that was the only way he could make sense of their relationship).

Andrew is quick. We know he is. So I think he would've realised exactly what Neil was curious about when he mentioned her name and then said "She's not interesting?" (Which really means “Is she different?” Or “Are you actually more than that and not saying it?”)

Then right after that, there's this -

Andrew thinks it's obvious. Andrew calls him stupid, Andrew mocks him. Andrew knows why he's asking about Renee. He thinks Neil is stupid for not realising why it wont happen. He lets Neil squirm for a bit because Renee is his friend, even if he won't say that, and this just opens up the opportunity for Neil to actually talk to her.

I think he said "She's useful," because he's not going to say "She's just my friend," or "She's like me," or whatever else he could've said. Andrew is not the type of guy to turn around to Neil’s question and say ACTUALLY you are right! My friend Renee IS interesting! I forgot about her!

I think that's literally Andrew's way of saying she is his friend. Also, bearing it in mind that he's still medicated at this point - I don't think he means it in the way of "she's not my friend, she's just useful to me", but instead means it like "she just my friend, nothing more, and she's useful.” I think it’s a meaningless throwaway way to describe her. But even if he did mean it, he doesn’t mean it in a negative way. Not “Yeah. She’s useful I guess. She does things but that’s about it” but “Yeah, Renee is useful. She’s there if I need her” instead.

Does that make sense?

(And also; it’s Andrew we’re talking about. He tells Neil he hates him. I don’t think him saying that about Renee is to be taken too seriously)

But

I do actually think in some ways he means it when he says she’s useful. Renee is useful to Andrew.

She’s the only person on the team who has related to him. She the only person, before Neil, who even had the slightest idea about what Andrew had been through. Renee is useful in the way that she’s someone for him to relate to. He sees himself in her, and her the same. They understand each other. Which is probably likely a first for him. Shes spars with him. She’s his wingwoman. She’s his friend. She cares about him. She talks to him like he’s a human. (She makes him feel like less of a monster) ((not that he cares)) She’s always covered for him in the goals, too, when he’s been too sick to play. I’d say that’s pretty useful.

Idk. I’m pulling things out of nowhere because I’m too tired to think but. Yeah I think Renee is actually useful to Andrew, but I also think Andrew is Andrew and he says things he doesn’t mean, or says things that actually mean something else ALL THE TIME. So i don’t think him saying Renee is “useful” is anything demeaning against her. I think he’s winding Neil up because he knows where his line of questioning is going/coming from.

[sunshine-jesse]

Why I'm Uncomfortable With Trying To Diagnose The Siblings

Hey!

I would like to preface this by saying that I'm not saying you shouldn't find representation in these people. If you have a personality disorder, and see your own behaviors in the two of them, then by all means, claim them. The point I'm going to try to be making is NOT that it's morally wrong to see yourselves in them. After all, I find autistic rep in people like Futaba Sakura, who isn't explicitly diagnosed, or trans rep in Luka Urushibara, who isn't trans within the context of the story but is so obviously trans in behavior that she'd absolutely be trans IRL. I also find pretty good autistic rep in Maria Ushiromiya from Umineko, and trans rep in [SPOILER CHARACTER] from that very same work, even though her experience doesn't exactly line up with the average trans experience.

None of these characters are diagnosed. None of them really have to be in order to be valid examples.

The point I'm going to be making in this essay is that I don't think that personality disorders have enough explanatory power for their behavior, and while Ashley and Andrew (especially Ashley) might technically qualify for one of them, I think it's a very simplistic way of characterizing their behavior. And frankly, whether or not they do qualify doesn't matter, because I think psychology as a field is grossly insufficient for characterizing and treating their behaviors… and perhaps even your own.

Why?

Well!

What, exactly, about their actions and thought patterns is disordered? The Nina incident obviously, and the calls to Julia, I guess, but what -else-?

Let's start with Ashley because she's the one people have most commonly accepted as having a PD of some kind. Namely, Borderline Personality Disorder! I'm going to go down the list of symptoms and tell you why I either do not think she has many of them, or that they're perfectly rational reactions to the environment around her.

I probably won't cover Andrew as deeply because Ashley, as loud and annoying as she is, makes everything easy to see.

-Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

…So. Where, exactly, are the -frantic- efforts? In Decay, what she's worried about is literally her dying. Not just being abandoned. And in Burial, when she feels her grip loosening on Andrew, there's nothing frantic about her reaction to it. She's just confused and thoughtful, maybe a bit worried. But that's more because she's trying to parse what's going on, and not because she's trying to avoid abandonment. She only ever speaks about it in regards to the incest vision.

The most severe actions to prevent abandonment are her calls towards Julia- assuming Andrew ever could've heard them and it wasn't just Andrew imagining what the calls could've been- but she takes immediate responsibility for them when confronted. That immediate responsibility is admittedly her just laughing it off, but there wasn't even an attempt made to justify it. All she has is the fear of abandomment, really. With the above in mind, her calls to Julia come off as her being more of an asshole than anything.

-Unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships, often characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation, also known as "splitting"

I think she idealizes Andrew a lot. But the parts where she tries to """""gaslight"""" Andrew over how responsible he is for his killings aren't… devaluation. As I spoke about in my last essay, it was Ashley trying to get him to take responsibility for the actions he took supposedly for her own sake, so she knew it was for her- to make her happy.

It qualifies more for the first symptom, with that in mind, but she never, ever deviates from viewing him as her favorite person. She doesn't split. She just wants him to take responsibility so she knows that he actually cares.

-Markedly disturbed sense of identity and distorted self-image

Her self image is absolutely distorted. She's been viewed as worthless from the start of her life, and never got along with any friends or family. But her self-image is also remarkably consistent- she has a firm idea in her mind of who she is and never starts to deviate from it until, arguably, the end of the Burial route.

-Impulsive or reckless behaviors Yes.

-Recurrent suicidal ideation or self harm

Nope. She arguably has the strongest self-preservation instincts in the whole story, and despite her viewing herself as worthless, never once actually wants to die.

-Rapidly shifting intense emotional dysregulation -Inappropriate, intense anger that can be difficult to control

These ones are a bit iffy. The scene wherein she yells at Andrew for not taking responsibility for killing Nina and the 302 lady arguably qualifies as this. But this is the only such example of it in the story. Otherwise, she's in remarkable control of her own emotions, and all her worries over Andrew abandoning her are met with confusion more than an immediate, powerful emotional response.

-Chronic feelings of emptiness Yeah.

-Transient, stress-related paranoid or severe dissociative symptoms No. She displays no dissociative symptoms whatsoever and she only ever grows slightly paranoid when she sees the shift in Andrew's personality.

So, let's go over her symptoms that she unambigously has: -Chronic feelings of emptiness -Impulsive or reckless behaviors

And the ones she PARTLY qualifies for: -Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (key word here is frantic, else she'd fully qualify) -Unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships, often characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation, also known as "splitting" (she doesn't split Andrew)

The BIG maybes: -Inappropriate, intense anger that can be difficult to control (only two such examples of that in the story) -Rapidly shifting intense emotional dysregulation -Markedly disturbed sense of identity and distorted self-image (her sense of self image is distorted, but her sense of identity is not disturbed; it's remarkably consistent)

You need five of these symptoms to qualify for a diagnosis. Ashley unambiguously meets two, partly qualifies for two, and the rest are either BIG maybes or flat out nos.

In other words, for people who view BPD as The Cause, she does not qualify for having the disorder. Sorry, armchair psych bros; this is your L.

…are they gone yet?

Good!

As I'm sure most people reading this who see themselves in these characters have come to realize, diagnosis is mostly full of shit. And for those who have actually studied the field of psychology beyond a few random-ass articles they looked up while trying to find out why their ex or mom was so crazy, or a single college psych course, they might find my above summation to be lacking. Questionable. Even, problematic!

Well, congrats, because now I'm going to level with you about what this essay is actually about. If you understand what personality disorders are, you'd know that they are rarely the cause of anything. They're not like diseases in that they 'cause' anything; they're just words we use to describe a set of symptoms that each have their own individual causes. And while there's a lot of buzz in some circles about the heritability of personality disorders, the fact of the matter is that there is currently very, very little evidence that they're genetic. (https://www.apa.org/topics/personality-disorders/causes)

The patterns emerge early, sure, but there is no gene for a personality disorder*. It's not, and never was, how they were always like. Nobody is doomed to develop one. They are merely born with a series of traits that might predispose them to it. By their very nature, they possess no explanatory power for behavior whatsoever. Ashley is not "like this because she has BPD," she's "she has BPD because she's like this." And this is at the core of why I'm uncomfortable with attaching a personality disorder to her.

*A malfunctioning gene has been linked to OCD, however, but even in that case it's not a gene that defines someone as OCD, because it's linked to other conditions as well such as autism, social phobias, and substance use disorders. It's merely one of the many preconditions someone may have that could lead them to developing it. https://www.nature.com/articles/4001365

There's an old meme about trans people having BPD. I don't know if that's still a popular meme, but it was, in fact, a strong association that us in the trans community had. A way we stereotyped ourselves, as it may. And it's a pretty funny meme! Bonding over mutual trauma is always a fun time. But. I don't like that meme, either, for the same reason I don't like it for Ashley or Andrew.

I don't think medicalizing personality is a good thing.

For trans people, the fact of the matter is, we have every reason to develop BPD. The world really is that hostile towards us. Coming out can make friends drop us on a whim, transitioning makes it hard to develop lasting relationships because there's always that fear of people sexualizing us and never wanting a real, close, romantic relationship to begin with.

It's not disordered. It's not a condition. It's not a "problem".

It's a perfectly rational reaction to the world around us.

We have every reason to be so afraid. It'd make less sense if we weren't. And we have every reason to view every sign someone might leave as a sign that people never cared to begin with, because we have seen so many people who never HAVE really cared about us show their whole ass once we're a little bit different than they expected us to be. The same applies to cis women, too; it's why they're diagnosed with BPD three times as much as cis men are!

And I honestly think Ashley's reactions are much the same. She was denied the benefits of the social contract her whole life, abandoned by her parents and "friends," and only ever had Andrew, who gives every indication that he's trying to distance himself from her for the sake of being normal. He refuses to give her the validation she needs to think otherwise, always making it seem conditional or coming with a caveat, and tries to pass off the responsibility for all the actions that'd prove how much he cares for her.

And, ah, Andrew, goodness gracious. I've seen so many different takes on what's up with him that it boggles the mind. It's hard to pick out just one, but ASPD is a pretty common one. But I honestly think that's even more questionable than Ashley having BPD. Like, yeah, he's mostly afraid of consequences rather than the morality of his actions, but that's because his Prime Directive is to keep Ashley safe. Any consequences necessarily separate them. And the fact that he's so willing to kill, so cold and emotionless while doing it, so emotionless after? Once more, it's his job to keep Ashley safe; to keep her happy. But society won't let him take credit. It pushes back against him taking responsibility and acknowledging just how much he wants to- and has- done for her.

He always has to distance himself from how he truly feels, lest society punish him. He's had to distance himself from his true feelings so much that it's little wonder he has any attachment to them at all anymore. Violence is the only power he's ever had, because it's the only thing society never pushed back on, and it's the only thing many of the viewers never push back on. It's how he distances himself from the things that hurt him, which is either Ashley, or the people who keep him away from Ashley. … But only one of those things ever truly made him happy, and it just happens to be the one that society doesn't accept.

Andrew isn't like this because he has ASPD. Andrew has ASPD because he's like this.

It's the effect, not the cause.

The cause is the world around him; the world around Ashley.

Medicalizing something implies the issue is internal. It implies it's something we can fix from within ourselves. And, at worst, it implies that it's our fault. We should take responsibility for maladaptive behaviors, sure. We absolutely should, if only for our own sakes, lest we push people away through no fault of their own. We should do what we can to not hurt people, every step of the way. That is on us.

But there's only so much we can do when the world around us constantly reaffirms our greatest fears.

And that's exactly what the world does to the marginalized.

[otdiaftg]

The Raven King - Chapter Eleven

Day: Sunday, November 12th Time: 3:10 PM EST

Anytime the Foxes mentioned Andrew's upcoming sobriety or Andrew's name popped up in write-ups on the team's performance at games, the focus was on what a danger he was. People talked about his trial and how it saved them from Andrew. No one said what they were doing to save Andrew from himself. "You told me Cass would never hurt you and would have given you a good education, but you sabotaged your adoption. Officer Higgins came all the way here from the west coast to fix something from your past but you won't help him. You left juvie and killed Aaron's mother to protect him, but instead of fixing your relationship with him you keep him on a leash. You don't want Nicky's parents to hurt him, but you won't let him into your family either. Kevin promised to invest in you but you won't even try. So what is it? Are you afraid of your own happiness or do you honestly like being miserable all the time?" "Neil, look," Andrew said, and pointed up at his own face. "Do I look miserable?" Neil wanted to tear that smile off Andrew's face, but Andrew's obnoxious response wasn't entirely his fault. Neil was dealing with the smokescreen of Andrew's medication. Neither of them could change that, but knowing why Andrew was being difficult didn't make him less frustrating to deal with. All Neil could do was keep his temper in check. If Andrew got a rise from him the conversation was over. That was what Andrew wanted, so Neil wouldn't give it to him. "You look drugged within an inch of your life," Neil said, "and when you're not medicated you're drinking and dusting. When they finally take your medicine away, who are you going to hurt, really?" Andrew laughed. "I'm remembering why I don't like you." "I'm surprised you forgot." "I didn't," Andrew said. "I just got distracted for a moment there. I told her it was a mistake to let you stay, but she didn't believe me. Now look. Oh, for once I don't even want to bother with the 'I told you so'. You ruin all my fun." "Renee?" Neil guessed. "Bee." Neil's blood went cold. "What did you tell her about me?" Andrew grinned at the look on Neil's face. "Doctor-patient confidentiality, Neil! But don't make such a scary face. I didn't tell her your sad little story. We just talked about you. Critical difference, yes? I told her you're more trouble than you're worth. She was looking forward to meeting you, but she won't tell me what she thinks of you. She can't, you see. But I know she likes you. Bee has a thing for lost causes." "I am not a lost cause." Denial was automatic and a waste of time. Andrew put his hand over Neil's mouth to shut him up and said, "Liar. But that's what makes you interesting. It's also what makes you dangerous. I should know better by now. Maybe I'm not as smart as I thought I was. Should I be disappointed or amused?" The perfect retort burned Neil's tongue, but he kept quiet in case Andrew wasn't done rambling. The answer was there, right out of reach, close enough Neil could feel it, but too far for him to make sense of. Maybe Andrew felt it too, because even in his drugged haze he knew to shut up. The smile he flashed Neil mocked them both at that near-miss. He withdrew completely, leaving just the memory of his heartbeat against Neil's mouth, and spun away. "I'll find Kevin. He's too slow." Neil watched him go, then huffed in frustration and turned back toward the racquet.

Art used with permission by Aymmidumps. Thank you @aymmidumps!

[joanofexys]

hello!! :) I already asked in a comment but I shall bother you again in an ask so you can make a proper post <3 I would LOVE to know more about angels (AND PHOEBE'S BECAUSE HELLO??) relations with the canon cast!!

Yippee!! I love talking about Angel

Idk how this will be broken down exactly but it’s probably gonna get long as hell so be warned

Obviously Angel’s best friend is Harper. And no one will replace her, but he does still have great relationships with the foxes

I mentioned previously that he ends up with the monsters so he’s the closest with them, but he still gets on well with the upper classmen

In another ask abt him I mentioned he has a FWB dynamic with Allison. And he and Kevin def have something going on. That’s obviously all when Phoebe isn’t with him so I’ll probably focus most of this on his relationship with everyone while he has Phoebe with him

In that same ask I mentioned that Phoebe has favorites too. They’re Andrew and Kevin. And she has a habit of asking for Neil and screaming her lungs out if anyone else tries to touch her or play with her, but Neil has no clue what to do with her.

Idk I guess I'll just go through each of them one by one

Neil: Neil and Angel are both members of the serial killer father club and they're obligated to bond through that. For realsies though Neil helps Angel feel less out of place, as odd as that sounds. Obviously all the foxes have their issues and he was well aware of their reputation when he signed with them, but there's only so many of them that are visibliy fucked up. I think I've mentioned this before but all of Angel's scars have keloided, so they're raised scar tissue, and he's just covered them. And it's 100% been an insecurity of his even though he's accepted that it's something he just has to live with. And when he first joins the foxes very little about his situation and why he's there is unknown. They know about the foster homes and he has a lot of scars. But obviously when more about his past comes out there's a lot that he can share with Neil. With Neil he's able to feel like he's not being stared at all the time, that he's not getting weird looks everywhere he goes. And Neil doesn't tell Angel everything but he'll sit there and listen and let Angel feel like he's got someone who understands at least a little bit. And they play very well together. Stiker/backliner duos my beloved. Angel is very willing to defend Neil, violently, on the court (and Kevin too). Tbh he's probably responsible for a lot of their yellow and red cards his freshman year. Sometimes they'll go running together. Idk man, they're just buddies. And Phoebe, like a cat who can tell when someone isn't a cat person, fucking loves Neil. Neil still doesn't know what to do with her but sometimes she gets to sit on his lap while he's on the couch or a beanbag chair

Andrew: In the beginning, Andrew fucking Minyard is responsible for at least half of Angel's panic attacks and spirals. Angel's freshman year he moves in before the school year starts and he and Phoebe take a room at Abby's place and the monsters have to move around a bit, but basically they're all around the same area during the summer. And obviously, since they're sharing space with him, Andrew wants to know who the fuck Angel even is. And it is very easy to find.

Matteo Di Fiore, charged with the murders of 12 women, including his own wife. Di Fiore plead guilty to the murders of 12 adult women, including his wife, Sofia Di Fiore, over the course of 10 years. Di Fiore received max sentencing and leaves behind a teenage son, who authorities did not name, and was not present at the trial...

Idk something like that. There's definitely plenty of articles out there about his father and that mention he has a son and it's not very difficult to the connect the dots. That's the easy part. It's a lot harder to find out about the foster homes and everything before that, about what happened when Angel was still with his dad. But Andrew makes it very clear he knows. And it's a sort of open secret throughout the summer. Something no one will actually address but that they all know. Angel won't lie about it, but it's definitely something he prefers people don't know. They get better though and Andrew stops freaking Angel out. Because Andrew eventually adopts Angel pretty much. Why? Because he's got sad eyes and he's like a fucking kicked puppy whenever he's not in dad mode or whenever he's in stressed out dad mode.

And like I mentioned, Andrew is one of Phoebe's favorites. He does give her way too much sugar sometimes. She's the only one welcome to share his candy stash. And she loves to chat his ear off with her little toddler babble.

Kevin: Kevin motherfucking Day. Another one of Phoebe's favorites. And also Angel's favorite. It's another case of striker/backliner duo got me good. They make sick. They just work, okay? They're incredible on the court together and Angel will obviously snark back at Kevin but he's also someone who listens so intensely to ever piece of criticism, advice, and nonsensical ranting that Kevin throws his way. Angel's anxiety isn't as bad as Kevin's to begin with but he is also one of those friends whose anxiety will just stop existing the second there's someone more anxious than him. So he and Kevin work great. Emotion support dog Angel or whatever the fuck symbolism we've got going on. I'm just now realizing Angel is dog coded. They nap on bus rides together (Phoebe sits up front with Wymack). They watch Trojans games together. They study together. Angel listens to Kevin rant about history. Kevin listens to Angel ramble about classics. I feel very strongly about them but I'm trying not to make it weird.

Phoebe is around him so much I think he's become one of her favorites that way. Also he's tall, still shorter than Angel rip, and good for piggy back rides. She definitely naps on him a lot while he watches games and Angel gets a much needed break to study and get some homework done.

Aaron: They have to be friends. There's just no way they're not atp. Like Angel and Harper are exes but they're still best friends and definitely do double dates with Aaron and Katelyn. He is a trusted babysitter and kateaaron kick ass when on babysitting duty. He is, unfortunately, not Phoebe's favorite but she can tell him apart from Andrew and knows it's okay to run up to him, yelling his name, and expect to be picked up. Aaron and Angel hang out with the vixens together. Aaron is definitely closer friends with Harper than he is with Angel but they have no problem hanging out together and they don't really fight or anything. Angel definitely admires Aaron for his career goals and how passionate he is about becoming a doctor especially because, even in college, Angel has no clue what he wants to do with the rest of his life and he can appreciate that Aaron has a set goal.

Nicky: Nicky definitely brings out a much louder part of Angel. They joke flirt. Angel is very much okay with being a recipient of Nicky's affection while also having zero problems setting boundaries with him. And obviously Nicky fucking adores Phoebe. They're not best friends, if they're not with the rest of the monsters they probably don't ever hang out, but they do have a lot of fun together when they're with each other.

Allison: Allison and Angel know how to have fun. Allison is one of those people in Angel's life that could get him to agree to crazy shit he would never agree to do otherwise. And he just fucking loves. They're excellent friends and love to talk shit and go on coffee runs together. Most of their time together is when Harper has Phoebe, but Allison does love P whenever she's around. If she's doing her makeup and Phoebe shows any interest she'll pretend to do P's makeup too and tell her she looks so pretty

Renee: I think they have the weirdest dynamic ever. Angel and Renee just kind of exist together. Two traumatized fuckers trying to better than their pasts with angel wings tattooed on their back. Renee offers to teach him to fight and respects it when he says no. When Angel needs somewhere quiet he knows he can always shoot Renee a text and just come sit with her. P loves her hair and loves her and always draws Renee rainbows

Dan: Angel has so much respect for Dan. I don't think they're particularly close but he does know he can always come to her even if she's not the first person he'd seek out. She's someone reliable and in his eyes she really seems like she's got her shit together. I think Dan leaves him a little starstruck tbh. Dan is also Phoebe's favorite fox to cheer for at games. Not her favorite off the court (though Phoebe still loves her) but definitely her favorite on the court

Matt: I think Angel's relationship with Matt is similar to his relationship with Dan. He sort of views them as a package deal (which is the same way he views himself and Harper tbh). He likes being around Matt and really respects him as another backliner. They never really fight on the court, or off of it, and they also just don't have many super personal conversations. I think after it comes out that they've got another dumbass kid with a serial killer dad on the team I think Matt pulls Angel aside for a "hey dude. please please please don't be like Neil" and they form a sort of truce where Angel basically promises not to do any of the dumb shit Neil did the year prior and Matt promises not to revoke his offer of babysitting.

Wymack, Abby, and Bee: Was gonna do these guys separately and I could do them all separately but this is getting too long and I need to wrap it up. Wymack is just someone Angel is so beyond grateful for. He's always willing to watch Phoebe and has confronted Angel a number of times with a sort of "you're still a kid. and yeah, you're a parent, but sometimes it gets to be too much and if you need a break then call me" talk. Abby obviously housed him for a short period of time and he loves her. She really was non judgemental about his scars and very willing to help with Phoebe as well and she was sort of the first person that gave Angel a stable home in years even though it was just letting him live at her house for the summer. And Bee he just fucking loves more than life itself. He does talk to her and he is very honest with her. But also plenty of their appointments consist of Angel taking a much needed nap on her couch while Phoebe either naps with him on his chest or Bee entertains Phoebe (if no one else was available to watch her). And I'm cutting myself off here because this was never supposed to get this long

[waitimcomingtoo]

hoax ~ p.p

chapter six: deja vu

series masterlist

The next morning, you felt like you were walking on air as you walked onto campus. Hearing Peter promise to love you as long as you wanted him to made you feel whole inside. You knew you didn’t need any man to complete you, but you also knew how special it was to be loved. Your life was feeling more and more like one of those romantic movies you loved and part of you couldn’t help but wonder if things were too good to be true.

“Someone looks happy.” Kate commented when you sat down at the library table.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You said with a coy smile.

“Oh my God.” Gwen gasped. “You saw his face, didn’t you? You found out who he is?”

“He wanted to show me. But I said no.” You admitted.

“Excuse me? You said no?” MJ raised an eyebrow.

“I didn’t want to disrupt our perfect night. If I saw his face, I’d just be left wondering why he didn’t show me sooner. And then I’d be focusing on that instead of the fact that I’m in the middle of a fairy tale romance with a guy I’ve been crushing on since MJ was still “straight”. Right, MJ?”

“I’m sorry, but when was MJ straight?” Gwen laughed and looked at her.

“Freshman year of high school.” MJ admitted. “I hadn’t figured it all out yet. And we had a very androgynous French teacher that looked good in his jeans.”

“Oh yeah! Mr. Andrews.” You gasped when you remembered. “He was so cute. I don’t even blame you. We all had a crush on him.”

“And now you’re in love with a man in tights. Isn’t it crazy how things work out?” MJ said sarcastically.

“I know you’re teasing me, but you’re actually right. It is crazy how things works out. I can’t believe I’m in love. I honestly never thought that would happen for me.”

“Aw. Why not?” Gwen frowned and rubbed your arm.

“It just didn’t seem in the cards for me that someone would fall in love with me and stay in love me once they really got to know me. No one ever really had crushes on me growing up. That kinda fucks with your head and makes you feel undesirable. So the fact that I’m in a loving relationship with someone I can trust and be myself around without fear of scaring him off is amazing to me. I guess it’s just still hard to believe sometimes.”

“Aw.” Kate gushed. “I’m happy for you, girl. I’m happy you’re in love. And that it’s with a nice, trustworthy man.”

“Those are rare.” MJ agreed. “Even though I’m still pretty firm on my stance that no man is to be trusted. Not even one’s that can shoot webs.”

“I wonder if he can shoot webs out of his butt.” Gwen thought out loud.

“He can’t.” You sighed. “Believe me, I asked. He said he makes his own web fluid so they can only come out of his wrists. No butt webs.”

“I guess that’s kinda a good. I was honestly really worried that he could shoot webs out of his penis. Because what if they grabbed onto your guts and yanked them out of you? Imagine how horrible that would be.”

“That can’t happen.” You laughed. “Oh shit. Wait, can it?”

“You better make sure he can’t shoot webs out of that thing because I do not want your guts all over our dorm room floor. It’s carpet.” MJ reminded you.

Ned and Peter came and joined the table, having no idea what conversation they were walking into. Peter looked at you and felt his heart ache in his chest. After everything you promised each other last night, he wanted nothing more than to kiss you hello and hold you in his arms. He’d never trusted a person more than you and he hated that he had now had to sit across from you and pretend that was some other guy.

“What are you guys talking about?” Ned asked when he noticed the table had gotten quiet.

“The trials and tribulations of Y/n getting her back blown out by Spiderman.” MJ said simply. Peter started choking on his water while you gave MJ a look.

“Great. Now you’ve killed Peter.” You sighed and clapped Peter on the back to help him out. He gave you a weak thumbs up as he wiped away the water that had come out of his nose.

“What kind of trials and tribulations?” Ned asked Peter.

“Wait, why did you look at Peter when you said that?” Gwen wondered and you nodded in agreement.

“Because Peter…” Ned trailed off when he saw Peter motioning for him to stop. Ned sighed and gestured to Peter.

“Why don’t you tell them why I looked at you, Peter?” Ned said pointedly. Peter gulped and looked between you and Ned as he scrambled for something to say. Everyone turned to look at Peter in confusion while Peter blushed all the way to his ears.

“Because I have feelings for you.” He blurted. “And Ned knows so he didn’t want me to hear this conversation.”

“You do?” You asked him.

“Woah. Plot twist. That every single one of us saw coming.” MJ said sarcastically.

“I mean, I guess I kinda had a feeling.” You admitted. “That’s really sweet though, Peter. I’m sorry you’ve had to hear me talk about my boyfriend so much. I wouldn’t have been saying all that stuff if I knew how you felt.”

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about me.” Peter forced a laugh and waved his hand in dismissal.

“Really, dude? That’s what you’re going with?” Ned said in disappointment.

“Ned. Please. There are things you don’t understand.” Peter whispered to him.

“I think I understand plenty. I gotta go.” Ned sighed and left the table. Peter felt his heart sink as he watched his best friend walk away. Keeping this lie up might end up costing him the two most important people in his life.

“Well that was odd.” MJ noted.

“What’s his damage?” You asked Peter.

“Maybes he’s in love with Peter so Peter confessing his love for Y/n was too much for him to bear.” Kate shrugged.

“Or maybe he’s in love with Spiderman and was he was devastated to hear that Y/n stole both his men.” MJ added.

“Stop it guys. This is serious. Do you think I should ask my boyfriend if it’s possible that he could accidentally pull my guts out with his penis webs?” You genuinely asked your friends. Peter burst out laughing when he heard this in a way no one at the table was expecting.

“Woah, Peter. I’ve never heard you laugh like that.” You smiled at him in surprise.

“Sorry. It just caught me off guard.” Peter said sheepishly.

“Hm.” You faked a smile as your mind began to wander. Peters laugh sounded so familiar that it gave you a sense of deja vu. Even the way he threw his head back when he laughed was familiar to you, despite the fact you’d never heard Peter laugh like that before. He noticed you staring at him curiously and gulped. When you looked into Peters eyes, something you didn’t normally do, you felt something stir inside you.

“You have really nice eyes, Peter. I never noticed that.” You said to him with a look on your face that Peter couldn’t quite read.

“Wild thing to say to a friend who just confessed their feelings for you.” MJ mumbled.

“Oh, uh, thanks. They’re just brown.” He shrugged and stopped making eye contact with you.

“They’re a real nice shade of brown, though. Very pretty.” You continued as you titled your head to the side. You felt like you had seen those eyes before, and not just from being in the same friend group as Peter.

“Um, what’s happening?” MJ laughed uncomfortably. “Are you trying to get Peter to join you and Spidey in a throuple?”

“No. I just never noticed his eyes, okay?” You shrugged and stopped staring at Peter. Peter relaxed when you stopped interrogating him, but you weren’t done yet.

“So are you dating anyone, Peter?” You asked him, making him freeze.

“Yes, actually. I have a girlfriend.” He answered honestly. He needed to get through this conversation with as many honest answers as possible if he wanted to keep you as a girlfriend.

“Wait, really? Since when?” Kate asked.

“A few months ago.” Peter replied, still being honest.

“And you never said anything?”

“You never asked.” Peter shrugged.

“He’s right.” Gwen realized. “Sorry, Pete. She’s a lucky lady.”

“Not really. I’m not that great.” Peter sighed, still telling the truth. He was keeping things from you, and that made him less than a good person.

“Aw. Don’t say that.” You pouted. “I’m sure she’s very lucky to have you.”

“Thanks. That means a lot.” He said sincerely.

“No problem. And I mean that. Don’t doubt yourself and get all insecure. That’s never good in a relationship. You’re cute, smart, funny, and very surprising at times. Don’t start doubting what you have to offer. Because you’re a great guy.”

“Wait, you really think all those things about me?” Peter asked in surprise. He knew you felt all those things and then-some about Spiderman, but he didn’t think you ever even noticed him as Peter.

“Of course I do.” You said simply. Peter smiled and nodded his head, feeling more confident in telling you the truth now.

“Thanks. I didn’t realize you thought I was cute.” Peter said as he stared at your from across the table.

“Is cute all you got out of that? I said a lot of other things too.” You said with a coy smile.

“I know. But that one stood out.” He mumbled shyly and looked down at his lap.

“Woah. Sparks are flying. Throuple is growing imminent.” MJ snorted and you kicked her under the table.

“You’re totally cute.” You insisted. “I happen to love brown eyed boys. And the whole curly hair thing mixed with your soft preppy style is so in right now. I’m actually not surprised at all that you have a secret girlfriend.”

“Oh great.” MJ groaned. “Y/n fell in love and now she’s giving out compliments like she’s Mother freaking Theresa.”

“Me next. I want compliments.” Gwen sat up and clapped her hands. Peter tuned out the praises you showered Gwen with and sat deep in thought. Hearing you say you found him attractive meant there really was no excuse this time. Tonight, you were seeing his face no matter what.

After study hall, you waited outside Gwen’s locker while she put her books away so that you could walk to your next class together.

“Tonight’s definitely the night. I’m gonna find out who he is.” You decided.

“What if he says he’s still not ready?” Gwen asked as she shut her locker.

“He doesn’t have a choice anymore. I deserve to know. And if he still can’t trust me after all this time, he’s gonna have to find a new girlfriend.” You decided. Gwen smiled and wrapped an arm around you.

“Good for you, girlie. We can practice how you’re gonna ask him instead of listening in class.”

“You get me.” You chuckled and followed her into your next class.

That night, you had every intention of asked Peter and he had every intention of telling you. But both your plans were sidetracked when Peter had to postpone coming over to deal with an armed robbery at a bank. The robbers ended up being three times Peters size and wearing something Peter had never encountered before, brass knuckles. He got beaten up pretty badly but still managed to swing over to your parents place where you agreed to meet. He was too weak to use his hands so he knocked on your window with his forehead. You excitedly threw the window open but your smile immediately dropped when you saw the state Peter was in. He stumbled through your window and slumped into your chair.

“Oh my God. What happened to you?” You asked as you went to get your first aid kit. He pulled his mask up over his nose to gasp for air before hanging his head and starting to drift off.

“Me? You should see the other guy?” He smiled weakly and started nodding off again.

“Oh God. Don’t smile. Your really cute smile is full of blood.” You laughed and started to clean up the blood around his nose and mouth. His head was flopping around like a dead fish and you knew you didn’t have long before he passed out from the pain.

“You think I’m cute?” He teased you as you pressed the button on his suit to take it off.

“I do. Even with this busted lip.” You humored him as you cleaned the wounds on his chest and arms.

“It doesn’t even hurt that badly.” He slurred and lazily waved his hand before wincing from the pain of the hydrogen peroxide you were using.

“Sorry, baby. I meant to warn you. It’s gonna sting.” You apologized and kissed his knuckles.

“Oh God. Your knuckles look awful. Did you at least win the fight?” You asked and started to clean his bloody knuckles.

“Psh. Always.”

“The police had to pull them off of you before they could kill you, didn’t they?” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“I’m not even entirely sure I’m not dead right now.” He answered honestly.

“You’re not.” You chuckled. “You’re with me. I’m gonna take care of you, okay? Don’t you worry.”

“You’re so good to me. I love you so much, Y/n.” Peter said as he head slumped backwards.

“I love you too…” You said and trailed off when you realized you didn’t know his name and therefore couldn’t use it to tell him you loved him.

“It’s Peter. Peter Parker. From school.” He slurred, but you didn’t make out a word of it.

“What? I can’t understand you. I need to rinse your mouth out.” You said and poured some water into his mouth to rinse out the blood. After Peter spit, you could understand him better.

“I should’ve just told you right away. Ned was right.” He said apologetically as he cupped your face.

“Told me what? Did you say Ned? Like my friend?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lie to you. I just wanted you to like me.” Peter started to cry as his head slumped back onto his shoulder.

“Like you? What are you talking about? I love you.”

“I know. But I’m scared you won’t anymore after…” Peter trailed off as he finally lost consciousness from the pain.

“After what?” You asked desperately. You tried to shake him away but he was out cold. Your disappointment returned as you realized you’d missed your window to ask him about his identity. As you stared at him, you felt tempted to just rip the rest of his mask off and finally see the rest of his face. It would be so easy to just reach over and pull it off, then all your questions would be answered. He’d never even have to know. You reached out and and touched the wend of his mask, about to pull it off when you stopped yourself. You withdrew your hands and sighed. It wasn’t right to do it when he wasn’t awake. Especially not after everything you said about it needing its own special moment. So instead, you held back some tears and fixed up his wounds before carefully moving him into your bed. You crawled in bed beside him and held him until you fell asleep.

When Peter woke up the next morning, his suit was on your bedroom floor but his mask was still on. He sighed in relief and felt around the bed for you, but you were gone. In your place was a little note with your handwriting.

“Had to go to class. Sorry I couldn’t be there when you woke up! Call me when you’re awake. Love you <3” You had written. You didn’t know that Peter had the same class, which he slept through by now. He noticed you had redressed his wounds and left him a cup of water with some ibuprofen beside it before you had left. He smiled at the gesture, then felt his guilt return. He was supposed to tell you everything last night but instead became your patient. He downed the water, threw his suit back on, and swung home so he could make it to his next class. He didn’t see you until study hall that day, and rushed to sit down when he saw you in the library. He put his hand on your shoulder and felt you relax under it before putting your hand on top of his. You looked up smiling but your face dropped when you realized it was Peter touching you. Peter then realized that he shouldn’t be touching you because you had no idea he was your boyfriend and yanked his hand away.

“Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” He quickly lied and sat beside you.

“It’s okay. I thought the same thing.” You laughed awkwardly. His touch had felt just like your boyfriends, but that felt weird to say. Peter suddenly felt eyes on him and looked up to see that you were staring at him like he had ten heads. Peter felt a panic grow in his chest and turned to you.

“Is everything okay?”

“What happened to your lip?” You asked him, making his blood run cold. He touched his busted lip, the one he had completely forgotten about, and forced a smile.

“Oh, nothing.” He said and turned away from you. You couldn’t stop staring at the cut on his lip. It was shaped like a “c” and on the bottom left of his mouth, the same place your boyfriends was last night. Peters busted lip looked much more healed then the one you had cleaned last night, but it was still bizarre to you that you were seeing your second busted lip in the past 24 hours.

“That’s a pretty bad nothing.” You said as you continued to access Peter. He was in long sleeves, despite the hot weather, and had another cut just above his eyebrow.

“I tripped and bit my lip.” He lied. “Hey, do you have the notes from class this morning? I wasn’t there.”

“Yeah, sure.” You handed him your notes without breaking eye contact. You had a feeling he was trying to change the subject, making you want to stay on topic all that much more. When he took your notes from you, you saw that his knuckles were completely busted.

“You busted your knuckles too?” You gasped and looked into his eyes.

“It was a bad fall.” He said quickly and hid his hands as soon as possible.

“Hm.” You hummed and nodded your head, but you didn’t believe a word. The rest of your friends soon joined you but you did not contribute much to the conversation. You were too busy thinking about the magnet on Spider-Man’s fridge for your college and how he never mentioned that he or someone he knew went there. Or how his parents died the same way Peters did, and at the same age. Or how he never texted you back during school hours. Or how he took you on specific dates that you dreamed of going on but never told him about. Or how looking into his eyes for the first time didn’t feel like it was the first time.

You looked over at Peter and watched his curly brown hair fall into his eyes as he laughed at something Ned was saying. You knew that laugh. It all started it feel like too much to be a coincidence. You got up from table and left without saying a word. Everyone was confused and debated who should go after you, but Peter convinced them to give you space. He had seen the look on your face when you saw his busted knuckles and he knew you were off somewhere, connecting dots. He tried not to panic and anxiously waited for study hall to end so he could change into his suit and walk you home. He’d tell you right away, before you had a chance to figure it out.

As he was throwing his books into his locker after study hall had ended, Peter’s phone rang and he picked it up.

“Hello?” He asked as he shut his locker and went to bolt out of school to see you.

“So it’s true?” Your heartbroken voice sounded in Peters ears. But your voice wasn’t just coming through his phone.

It was coming from behind him.

Peter slowly turned around and saw you standing there with your phone pressed to your ear. Tears were streaming down your face but you never broke eye contact. Peter hung up the phone and reached for you, but you pulled away.

“How could you?” You whispered.

“Wait, please. I can explain.”

🖤🕸️🖤

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[bimtheory]

Trying to watch Marilyn Monroe films again because I feel like it's impossible to write a book about bimbos and not mention Marilyn, but it's proving to be difficult.

I'm trying my best, but I just can't figure out what people find special about her. And it's so hard to find any sort of truth. There are so many made up quotes and misconceptions just to further this narrative of Marilyn as the ultimate victim, people treat her like a martyr. If she's not being discussed and treated as a sex symbol she's being used as a symbol for tragedy, and would Marilyn even want that?

In a 1962 interview published by Life Magazine a day before her death, she had this to say:

"I don’t mind being burdened with being glamorous and sexual. But what goes with it can be a burden. Like the man was going to show me around but the woman said, “Off the premises.” I feel that beauty and femininity are ageless and can’t be contrived, and glamour, although the manufacturers won’t like this, cannot be manufactured. Not real glamour, it’s based on femininity. I think that sexuality is only attractive when it’s natural and spontaneous. This is where alot of them miss the boat. And then something I’d just like to spout off on. We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it’s a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift. Art, real art, comes from it, everything. I never quite understood it, this sex symbol. I always thought symbols were those things you clash together! That’s the trouble, a sex symbol becomes a thing. I just hate to be a thing. But if I’m going to be a symbol of something I’d rather have it sex than some other things they’ve got symbols of! These girls who try to be me, I guess the studios put them up to it, or they get the ideas themselves. But gee, they haven’t got it. You can make alot of gags about it like they haven’t got the foreground or else they haven’t the background. But I mean the middle, where you live."

And, later in the interview:

"It might be a kind of relief to be finished. It’s sort of like, I don’t know, what kind of a yard dash you’re running, but then you’re at the finish line and you sort of see you’ve made it! But you never have. You have to start all over again. But I believe you’re always as good as your potential. I now live in my work and in a few relationships with the few people I can really count on. Fame will go by and, so long, I’ve had you fame. If it goes by, I’ve always known it was fickle. So at least it’s something I experienced, but that’s not where I live."

None of this is paraphrased. And, personally, it sounds to me like she rather be remembered for being a sexy actress than whatever this is:

But a lot of people who claim to be Marilyn Monroe fans or even just mention her don't seem to care about or have any actual interest in her. Unfortunately, I think Andrew Dominik may have been right in that (most) people are not watching her films. I have friends that won't even touch movies from before 1980, let alone the 50s. And watching the clip of her performing Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend on YouTube is not watching one of her movies.

Marilyn is invoked when people want to a sort of classy sexuality, or beautiful "feminine" tragedy, which is bullshit.

But anyway, like I was saying, I don't get the appeal. And it's hard to find any writing approaching her honestly and critically instead of constant "she was a perfect angel that could do no wrong"-tier glazing. I don't mean to be rude; I have nothing against her, and her life did seem tragic in some respects, but it always feels like the praise outweighs the reality of the material. Like people felt bad having been so judgmental about her after the circumstances of her death that they overshot trying to make up for it and Marilyn became indicative of the tragedy and mistreatment of every woman, a myth that has been passed down for generations at this point.

I don't know. That's just how it seems to me. I read people talk about how great of an actress she really was, but I don't see it, and people conveniently always forget to explain how she was a good actress or what made her so great, just "she trained at The Actor's Studio!", a lot of actors did.