#but that movie is WAY TO weird to make the list

[lady-mole]

Hi everyone ! I made my very first asking game for my fellow selfshippers ! :3

I'm quite shy about sending you asks, so that's a good way for me to send you these weird questions that sometimes pops up in my head ! x3

Feel free to reblog ! :3

🗺️ You and your f/o end up on a desert Island by accident. How do you two figure this out ?

🐱 Your f/o can visit you in the real world ! But only if they turn into an animal ! What animal is it, and how do they make you recognize them ?

💤 Whenever you yawn, does you f/o yawn too ? Do you often take naps together ?

🛋️ Your f/o is laying on the sofa and asks you to draw them like one of your french girls, just like the movie Titanic. How do you react ? Do you laugh together, or do you take it seriously ? x3

Tag list :

@fictodreamer @silver-heller @vergils-beloved @fl0ralsxgar @zoroscanonhusband @arsene-fixates @cosmoproductions @xx-evilestyuri-xx @paulisperpostridie @eating-plastic @deepwatersiren @jpeg-indulgence @mr12xu @ryez-loveyz @ardhoniel-evenstar-fics @moxanji-real @getas-regina @everynya

[phantombandit-films]

Favorite Kyle Gallner Movies.

Strange Darling.

2. Dinner in America.

3. Outsiders.

4. What comes around (Roost).

5. The Passenger.

6. Smile/ Smile 2.

7. Jennifer's Body.

8. A Nightmare on Elm St.

9. Cougars Inc.

10. The Cleansing Hour.

[icewindandboringhorror]

I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...

Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner

*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)

And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -

TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows

This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).

So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.

Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.

Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.

Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).

But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).

In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.

Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.

Now, doing the same thing for movies-

Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)

That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).

116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.

So, a for broader summary stuff..

I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.

If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.

ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.

I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0

[dyketennant]

oh i can already tell i’m about to have some really unpopular opinions about the edge of sleep tv show

[palukoo]

movie recs please? :) I’ve seen all about eve and the women but wanna more old lady gays

omg yes absolutely!! i made a longer/more thorough and broad list here that you can check out!

i am taking this to mean old movies with women being gay so hopefully that's what you meant lol. i also have a letterboxd list that is relevant here, but it's kind of nonsense and not really based on what i would or wouldn't recommend lol, so i will try to make a coherent list in rough order of how i'd recommend them but i went back and forth a LOT and some of these i really need to like rewatch and reevaluate i suppose

Rebecca (1940)* - thriller

The Children's Hour (1961)* - drama

Stage Door (1937) - comedy/drama

The Great Lie (1941) - drama

Old Acquaintance (1943) - drama

The Haunting (1963)* - horror

Persona (1966)** - thriller? i guess?

Night Nurse (1931) - drama/comedy

When Ladies Meet (1941) - drama/romance

A Woman's Secret (1949) - drama/mystery

The Model and the Marriage Broker (1951) - comedy/romance

Johnny Guitar (1954) - western

*some level of intentional queerness **this would be higher but i recognize that the fact it isn't in english and is also just like weird does make it one that is somewhat less accessible i suppose

[kennys-parka-jacket]

.

[youssefguedira]

realised that the shitty action movie wip is like really transparently about covid not sure what to do with that but aware of it nonetheless

[edwardsdeathcabcd]

i still think about these spanish flu steppers all the goddamn time. when edward is stepping out of his shiny new car and putting on his cool rich boy sunglasses and swaggering into school with his new girl, he’s wearing these shoes that look like they were dug out of the catacombs. when he perched on a tree branch talking about how bella’s blood is like a drug to him, i wonder if she noticed, seeing them at her eye level for the first time, that he’s wearing these absurd shoes that i don’t even want to call sneakers anymore.

i was drawing somethin and i didn’t know what kind of shoes edward wears so i looked up his movie wardrobe….. y’all……..

…………what ARE these

[inkskinned]

i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."

[nineinchnailsonchalkboard]

.

[rockcandyshrike]

A Non-Exhaustive List of Things that Delighted Me in Nosferatu 2024

WE GOT:

Possession sex in the first three minutes

Blood drinking in the most visceral dryhumping fashion possible

Animals being eaten raw (explicit)

People being eaten raw (semi explicit)

Children being eaten raw (non explicit)

Phenomenal use of shadows

A doctor character whose voice is identical to Alan Rickman’s??? I legit thought it was him for a sec

A Silly Little Minion Guy

Implied Necrophilia (Actually dead)

Full frontal Necrophilia (Undead)

Both are kinda Romantic

Rats

RATS

RATS ON RATS ON RATS BABY 🐀

Fucking to Spite your Evil Ex

Incredibly deranged acting by Lily Rose-Depp

So many scare chords, very maximalist sound design

A Lot of Fluids

My Gawd, that’s a lotta fluids

Bizarre as hell jump cuts all over the place

Sumptuous period accurate costuming

*Exquisite* Cinematography

Nicholas Hoult looking progressively more and more sweaty and pathetic

Doorways framing characters Significantly

Engrossingly (emphasis on Gross) commanding performance by Bill Skarsgård

Insane voicework

Technically a Christmas movie the way Die Hard is technically a Christmas movie

Orlok’s Or-cock

It’s just hanging there

Menacingly

Willem Dafoe at one point: I’VE SEEN THINGS THAT WOULD MAKE ISAAC NEWTON WANT TO CRAWL BACK UP HIS MOTHER’S WOMB!

AND MORE!

Magnificent piece of art. Horny in the most Grotesque way. 4 stars to me bc I’m a freak. Has inspired me to watch the original 1922 version. Go watch with your friends. Do NOT watch with your family unless they’re really really chill. Bring a drink and take a sip every time it gets Weird. Enjoy 😘🧛🏽🩸🦇

[strayingawayy]

it's the little things for me

chan: folding the laundry as he admires you while you scream to lady gaga on a friday night, cleaning your spectacles/ sun glasses for you, feeding you with his own chopsticks, making sure you're on the opposite side of the traffic while crossing the street, taking strands of hair out of your mouth when you're asleep, making sure he always has time for you, rocking you in his arms while you cry, sharing the tiniest of umbrellas even if you BOTH get wet in the process, silently wiping sauce off your face while you ramble on about the latest gossip at work/uni, sends flowers to your place on random days, saying he loves you more than he loves the ocean. lee know: wearing even the most cringe frilly pink aprons you'll get him which stay stuff like 'kiss the cook' or 'mr. good lookin is cookin', learning how to make all your comfort foods, buying you stuffed toys resembling your childhood pets, always making you taste test the food he's cooking, "do you want it to be spicier? it'll help with the cold.", oiling and massaging your hair on sunday mornings, talking to you like he does with his cats whenever you're sick, screeching to songs in the car, buying stupid matching sunglasses, sharpening your pencils for you, leaving sooni, doongi and dori at his parents' claiming you spend more time with them than him, cracking your fingers when he's bored.

changbin: washing your dishes no matter how much you insist you can do it, keeping in touch with your family once you introduce them to him, giving you piggy back rides, letting you make stupidly cute hairstyles with his hair, sleeping with your stuffed toys when you're not at home, always packing your favourite toothpaste because he knows how much you despise the hotel ones, letting you win at arm wrestling, racing with you to the nearby convenience store.

hyunjin: learning your drink orders for different moods and seasons, slipping little encouraging notes with the cutest doodles into your bag, jacket pockets, underwear pile, EVERYWHERE, clicking lots of candid polaroids of you, always keeping a lipbalm in his pocket for you, making a list of places you want to visit and taking you on surprise trips, rubbing your noses together, drawing on your arms while you watch a movie, listening to you rant about your passions all. night. long.

jisung: always wanting you to share new music you like with him, buying you guys matching fluffy house slippers with the most bizarre stuff like cheese puffs or flamingos on them, decorating your shared space with childhood photos of you, singing karaoke with you until 4 am, watching panda and hamster videos together, singing you awake every morning, playing careless whisper as a way of asking you to dance with him, binging studio ghibli movies with you on days off, afternoon naps, watching fireflies together, weird nicknames like 'cake batter eater' or 'hairbrush stealer', rewatching childhood cartoons, doubling over in laughter one second and having the most serious conversations the next, "would you still love me if i was a worm?"

felix: reporting accounts which abuse skzoo >:(, always stocking up on your favourite snacks, letting you tease him over his small hands, giving you the best massages after long days, whispering and quiet laughing in silent spaces, biting your shoulder whenever you expose him in front of the boys, showing off his latest dance moves while dusting the house, giggling and rolling around in fresh sheets you just finished putting on, being your personal heater during the winters, miserably gardening together, smiling in between kisses.

seungmin: learning small phrases in your mother tongue and making sure his pronunciation is on spot, wearing animal onesies together, waking you up with your favourite cup of coffee every morning, giving you head scratches when you can't sleep, cuddling together on a rocking chair, fighting over who pays for the bill, going to fancy stores and trying out clothes only to leave without buying anything, always finding you first whenever there's a blackout, going to the local adoption center and cooing at puppies together, tracing your features while you sleep, a quick forehead kiss before he rushes to work, replacing photocards you have of other members with his own.

jeongin: "mentioned you in their story", staying on call with you when you're taking a cab at night, wearing normal shoes when he goes out with you, eating caramel popcorn at 2 am, getting on a subway and going to the nearby town because you heard it's raining there and needed a reason to dance together, laying his head on your lap while reading manga, wearing fuzzy socks, trying out stupid tiktok couple trends, pretending to be a toxic couple while grocery shopping.

[suiana]

yandere! actor who can't BELIEVE his balls that he actually likes YOU. YOU of all people. his stupid damned co-actor.

"GET OUT OF MY FACE"

"wtf bro"

he's never wanted to work with you. EVER. it's not like he's secretly actually a big fan of yours and had been begging his manager to land him a role in a hallmark new year shitty ROMANCE movie with you! this... this casting opportunity was only because he's a super big megastar actor and you are one as well! that's all! not because he wanted it! stupid.

"you SUCK 🤬🤬🤬"

"i will actually strangle you. can you not act like a kid for ONE second."

he acts like a damn kid both on AND off the set. calling you names, trying to bully you... the list goes on. if you weren't more mature you'd... probably have smacked him or something by now. maybe even reply to his actions with an insult of your own.

you really don't understand what you did to be treated like this. you've only acted polite and kind to him all this while, so why's he acting like you committed murder on his favorite person?

that's until you saw the redness to his cheeks. so you put two and two together... and??? there's no way. it's not like he likes you or anything, right?

"do you like me or something?"

"w-what? *blushes* of course not!!!! stinky!!! *fucking explodes*"

oh. so guess that explains why he acts all weird and angsty everytime you need to interact with someone else other than HIM. makes sense that he'd act like a damn guard dog, all dark faced and ready to BITE people if they come even a step closer. right. that and also the fact that he's literally just the textbook tsundere ramped to the max with a touch of possessiveness.

"you silly baka😝 happy new year!"

"happy new year to you too or something... i guess..."

[delusional-dinosaurr]

10 Laps - Aitana Bonmati x Reader

“Don’t even bother Y/N, she’s out of our league. I mean look at her!” Niamh nudges you whilst you are standing drooling over the goddess that is Aitana Bonmati. Her hair blowing gently in the wind, it feels almost like something you’d see in a movie. You’ve definitely watched her more than you should have, but who on earth could resist looking at her? Obviously not you.

“Focus on the competition Y/LN” Millie says also nudging you whilst grinning at your lovestruck look. You sigh and nod, continuing your pre-match team walk of the stadium whilst Barcelona do the same, eventually the two teams combine and conversations amongst the teams start.

“Y/N!” Keira gives you the biggest hug, you’re also finding Ona and Ingrid’s arms around you too.

“Ah I’ve missed you guys! How are you doing in sunny Spain?” You ask, you continue a nice conversation between the three of you. You’re then introduced properly to some of their teammates, one in particular you were obviously more inclined to get to know.

“Aita! C’mere!” Keira hollers over to Aitana to come and meet you, she offers you a gentle smile and gives you a hug in greeting, which you obviously hug her back, even with her being slightly shorter than you.

“Aita this is Y/N, Y/N this is the Ballon D’or winner, World Cup champion –” She is cut off by an elbow to the ribs from Aitana.

“Please, there’s no need to say all that, I’m just normal Aitana” She smiles.

“Pfff, that’s a lie, have you seen yourself? You’re beautiful, talented, the list could go on” You say, causing Aitana to break out in a blush.

“God nevermind I'm splitting this up already” Lucy says joining the conversation with her old teammates, jokingly shoving you away from Aitana.

“Lucy you never said your friend was this charming” Aitana grins at you.

“Yeah there’s a reason for that, now c’mon, we’ve gotta get going now Y/N” Lucy says as she tugs you away.

“What was that for?” You ask Millie joining her side, who sighs in response.

“Luce is quite protective of Aitana from her time in Barcelona, she’s had some rocky relationships and knows what you can be like” She says.

“Mills, you know I’m not like that, I’ve just had some rather unlucky relationships too” You groan back to her. She hugs you as the teams continue to split apart to carry on the walk around the pitch at Stamford Bridge.

━━━━━

The day is here, your big match. You’re already ahead in the first leg so you know you’ve just gotta keep that same energy going.

“You okay?” Guro nudges you, you’re sitting, bouncing your knee in the locker room whilst all your teammates are chatting or dancing about after your warm ups.

“Nervous” You say quietly to her. “I know I’m not normally a nervy person but today just, I have that weird feeling y'know?”. Guro gives you a hug and reassures you for a few minutes before you head out.

You start lining up and look over to the Barca team who are also making their way out to line up with you. You look at their line and see Aitana, also looking nervous beside you.

“I would try to say things to help you win and reassure you, but you’re dangerous to us” You say in spanish whilst nudging her, a quiet laugh coming from the spaniard.

“I appreciate the sentiment. But also good luck marking me” Aitana smiles up at you also speaking in Spanish, causing you to chuckle.

“No luck needed Bonmati” You wink back at her, making her laugh.

━━━━━

Safe to say luck was needed. You lost 2-0 after a long fought battle with marking Aitana, who proved difficult to mark. In the last few minutes the exhaustion really hit when you were struck with a strong tackle from Fridolina Rolfo, meaning you were helped off the pitch by some teammates for your substitution. The Spanish side celebrated their win, you and your teammates collapsed in sadness and exhaustion. You hobbled over, kneeling down on the grass attempting to console your sad teammates. You feel a gentle pat on your back, causing you to lift your head up and look at who it was, Alexia Putellas herself.

“Keep your head up, you were fantastic. I’d kill to have you play for us one day” She says to you in spanish and smiles at you whilst crouching down with her arm around you.

“It’d be a dream to represent Barca at some point in my life, I’ll take you up on that one day” You smile, knowing your contract ends soon and you’ve been gunning for going abroad at some point whilst you’re still young and with your dad being spanish, meant you’ve had to learn two languages growing up to appease both parents.

“Contract expires soon, no?” Alexia winks, causing you to chuckle and hug her back, she lifts you up so that you’re not sat in the mud. “Go thank your fans, they need you” She smiles sadly at you, you nod in response and hobble along to join the rest of the team doing the rounds.

“You and Alexia aye?” Erin nudges you gently, so that she doesn’t knock you over in your temporary crutches and boot.

“Not my type, but she did mention wanting to steal me for Barcelona one day” You joke, Erin's eyes widened at the statement, causing her to latch onto your arm.

“Absolutely not! You’re blue through and through Y/N!” She says frowning slightly, her accent somehow seeming even thicker with the added frustration.

“Erin, don’t be so hard on her. Y/N we will support you no matter what happens this year okay?” Guro says knowingly from the other side of you. She holds her hand out for you to hold onto her instead of using the crutches.

“Thanks Guro, I didn’t know how to break it to you all but, Chelsea hasn’t offered me a contract extension, they’re looking for newer talent apparently” You give a sad smile with them both visibly looking upset.

━━━━━

A few weeks later you played your final match for Chelsea, getting a proper send off from your childhood club and the best teammates. After a few days of back and forth with negotiating contracts with other teams, your eyes widen at an offer from the club you’ve dreamt about playing for, Barcelona.

You arrive at Camp Nou to do your pre-season and signing photoshoot ready for the announcement. You haven’t told your Chelsea mates that you in fact did end up signing for the team as you’ve been so busy with England friendlies whilst others were playing in the Olympics.

“Y/N Y/LN, about time” Alexia greets you whilst you’re having your photos taken in your new kit and number.

“Who did you kill to get me here then?” You banter back and forth for a few minutes whilst you’re still having your photos sorted.

“Come, let me show you the team, in nicer circumstances than the last?” She smiles gently. The girls are all at training at the other pitch which Alexia takes you off to, also kitted up ready alongside you.

“Girls, there’s someone you need to meet!” She yells from the sideline as the team is warming up.

“NO FUCKING WAY” Keira runs over to you and lifts you up, your national teammate always being this affectionate with you.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you Ke, it was all up in the air until, well I was in the air” You smile.

“Best surprise ever” Mapi comes over to hug you as well.

“Sorry again for that tackle” Frido gives you a big squeeze.

“Ah I’m just glad I’m on your side now” You joke, elbowing her.

“God you look good in a Barca shirt” Ona comes over and says, turning you around to see your name and number on the back whilst whistling appreciatively.

“Not already hitting on me when your girlfriend isn’t around” You jokingly roll your eyes at Ona.

“Ah we all know who you’d want to flirt with you mate” Keira winks.

“Y/N hi!” Aitana greets you with a big hug, Keira giving you a knowing look from behind Aitana as you blush at the interaction, causing Keira to roll her eyes at you with a smirk. You get called in by the coach to start training with the girls, luckily with Spanish being your second language you’ve managed to gel quickly into the session.

“Want some friendly competition Y/N?” Aitana nudges you. “I bet my team wins in our scrimmage”.

“Yeah? And what do I get if I win?” You smile.

“Mmm anything you want” She smiles “But if I win, I want to go on a date with you, even if it’s just a coffee before training”.

“Deal” You shake her hand, being split onto opposite teams and starting the friendly match between Aitana’s team and Frido’s team (you being on Frido’s). You’re already marking Aitana, working as hard as you can to defend your side's goal, knowing fully what Aitana is capable of.

“You’re not making this easy for me are you?” Aitana chuckles as you help her up from the grass after being tackled by you.

“Nuh uh, I’m serious about winning bets Bonmati” You wink as you run back to your position. After another 10 minutes you accidentally got too into your friendly bet that you tug Aitana by the training bib, causing her to go tumbling into you, knocking both of you onto the ground, luckily you softened her fall with your body.

“Caught you” You laugh at her shocked expression.

“Wouldn’t have fallen if you didn’t pull me so hard!” She says lifting herself up from you, instantly causing your face to become flushed.

The match ends 3-2 to your side, managing to get two assists for your team.

“I told you I was serious” You smirk going over to get water with her.

“It’s like you didn’t want to go on that date” She looks a bit deflated.

“Nah, because for my win, I’d like for you to take me out on a date, a tour of Barcelona on a day off” You smile nervously.

“Oh…OH! Yes! I mean, yeah sounds good I can do that” She tries to play it off cool and fails massively.

━━━━━ A few days later you find yourself on a tour with Aitana as your guide, you’ve already done most of the tourist attractions and historical parts but after a few hours she drags you to the top of the Montjuic mountain area by taking you up the cable cars. You both stand there admiring the view.

“It never gets old” She smiles over at the view, you take a photo of her admiring the view to which she doesn’t notice you taking the photo in the first place.

“Thank you by the way” You smile at her.

“Eh?” Aitana tilts her head at you.

“Thank you for giving me the tour of Barcelona, it’s been really nice to spend time with you…and not the rest of our teammates” You blush trying to not be awkward with your answer. Aitana grins at you and squeezes you into a hug.

“We should do this more often, yes?” Aitana says enthusiastically, you nod back at her and hug her even tighter.

Once your hug breaks apart you move closer to the wall and peer over at the vast landscape of the city, spotting the landmarks you’d toured earlier in the day, with Aitana pointing them out for you.

“So I was thinking we could always-” You cut her off with a kiss, hoping you had read the situation correctly. Luckily for you, you felt her soft lips moving in sync with yours, giving you the butterflies in an instant.

“-Go back to mine for food? And we can do more of that” She continues, looking quite flustered.

“I’d love that” You smile, feeling much more shy than before.

━━━━━ Around 3 months later you were out for a night out at a club with the Barca girls as a celebration of a win against Madrid CFF. You and Aitana have been dating since the day of your first kiss but you’ve chosen to keep it fairly quiet so you can start with privacy and keep away from prying eyes, but you haven’t necessarily been hiding it, still some obvious signs. Your teammates still think you’re just pining after Aitana after all of this time and still to this day, are trying their best to put you two together for training, or even media duties.

“You look beautiful by the way” You kiss Aitana on the cheek as she turns up to the group outing, a greeting that is normal amongst the Spaniards, with them being so affectionate with each other. Aitana quietly thanks you, smiling away at the compliment even after 3 months you’re still making her blush. After a few hours, and a few drinks, the majority of the squad are either on the dancefloor or sat in the reserved seating area you have. Aitana comes along and sits on your lap, and leans her head on your shoulder.

“Tired, my love?” You ask her.

“Mm, I’d much rather be at home right now, you, me and the bed sound great for many reasons” Aitana says just loud enough for you to hear.

“Fuck Aitana, why would you say that!” You groan, wiping your hand over your face in an attempt to clear the dirty thoughts of your girlfriend out of your mind, which you obviously fail at every time.

“Maybe I want you to take me home?” She smirks cheekily.

“Love, someone will catch on” You say seriously.

“Who cares, if it was up to me, I’d kiss you right now” She says confidently for once.

“Then do it” You challenge her, as soon as she hears those words your lips are connected, hands tangled in each other's hair and gripping the others clothes.

“Bathroom?” Aitana nods over to the bathroom which you both run off to, knowing that the team have definitely just seen what happened. You arrive in the bathroom and continue from where you left off minus a few items of clothing, until you’re interrupted by yelling.

“I KNOW WHAT YOU TWO ARE DOING, OUT!” Ona yells, banging on the outside of the bathroom cubicle door. You and Aitana both rush to put your discarded clothing back on and give her a quick peck before a lecture from Ona and most likely Alexia.

“I’m taking you home, now. And you, we will be talking about this” Ona frowns pointing at you, dragging Aitana away from you and outside of the club. Ingrid comes over and takes you away from the doorway whilst you’re protesting.

“Explain what the fuck just happened?” You say to Ingrid.

“Ona saw you two kissing out of nowhere and you both going off to the bathroom to do what she thought you would be doing, and she didn’t like it” Ingrid sighs with a sad smile.

“What did she think I was just gonna take advantage of Aitana?” You sigh.

“She’s protective of her best friend, you know that. She likes to keep an eye on Aitana for herself and Lucy and make sure she’s okay” Alexia chimes in, overhearing your conversation in the quiet corridor.

“Well clearly she’s not that observant” You laugh to yourself, the two girls look at you quizzically.

“We’ve been dating since that time I got her to take me on a tour of Barcelona?” You say to them, hoping they understand what you mean now. You can see the switch of them realising all of the signs they ignored over the last few months.

“Hold on, so it wasn’t some one night stand? The marks you had all over you the other week at training was from little innocent Aitana?” Alexia says shocked but seemingly impressed.

“Oh god, she’s far from innocent” You chuckle, thinking back to that night before training before receiving an elbow to the ribs from Mapi, who managed to sneak into the conversation behind you, without you realising. “I mean, no, we are saving it for marriage?” You joke.

“Someone needs to talk to Ona, our little Aitana has grown up” Mapi says whilst pretending to wipe a tear from her eye, Ingrid is already getting her phone out to call Ona to meet up and discuss the situation. After a while she finishes on the phone and says it’ll be best for you to all continue the conversation tomorrow before training, so you all call it a night after all of the drama.

━━━━━

The next day at training, luckily no one drank heavily so you’re all relatively in a good mood and good spirits for the training session you’re about to have. That is at least until Ona arrives with Aitana.

“Aita” You mumble quietly as she walks over to hug you tightly.

“Y/N, a word, alone?” Ona says sternly, nodding over to the side, you nod and follow her for privacy, your girlfriend giving you a look of concern as you walk away from her.

“Right, Aitana refused to talk about it, so go on Y/LN” Ona folds her arms.

“Aitana is my girlfriend and has been for a few months now” You bite back.

“Why didn’t you talk to me about it?” She asks.

“Because one, we wanted some privacy, and two, because I knew you’d act like this” You say, shaking your head at her.

“Like what?” She says angrily.

“Like someone who thinks I’m a fucking monster that’s going to break her heart? Ona, you’ve known me for years, come on now” You say “I know she’s your best friend but really?”. Ona’s head drops in realisation.

“Firstly…I’m sorry that I made you feel that way. Aitana was a mess after her last break up and I supported her the whole way, I couldn’t even imagine the thought of seeing her like that again. You’ve had your moments over the years but it was definitely wrong of me to assume the worst, I’m sorry” She sighs, realising you’re right.

“Thank you Ona, I really do care about her. Like a lot” You smile, leaning into the open arms of the girl.

“I know, come on, let's go see her then” She nods over at a worried looking Aitana, after hearing your raised voices.

“Hola bebita” She kisses your cheek and links her arm in yours.

“Ground rules, no pulling stunts like last night again” Ona says sternly to the both of you.

“What the sneaking off or the fact we were going to..well you know” You say embarrassed.

“Both” She smirks.

“Well unfortunately we regularly break one of those rules” Aitana winks at you, watching Ona work out which she meant.

“BONMATI NO” Ona yells after the shorter girl who has run off. Alexia comes over giggling at the sight of the two running around.

“What caused that?” Alexia chuckles.

“Oh Aita told Ona that we have sex regularly” You laugh, Alexia going wide eyed.

“Wait, you’ve had sex? Y/N ABSOLUTELY NOT!” She says now chasing after you. “You’re too young!”.

“ALE WE ARE BOTH 25 WHAT DO YOU MEAAAAAN” You yell laughing, trying to avoid the captain. Mapi stops you in your path.

“What is going on?” Frido asks from the side of Mapi.

“Y/N and Aitana are girlfriends AND they’ve had sex” Alexia says shocked with you rolling your eyes, Frido gasps.

“You’re too young for that!” Frido smacks your shoulder.

“We are both 25!” You frown laughing at the girl.

“You know what she means, we are all protective of our two babies, and now they’re….” Alexia shudders.

“Oh come on” You groan, Ona bringing Aitana over by her collar and many protests from Aitana.

“Come here often, chica?” You wink and flirt with Aitana who laughs.

“Actually quite a lot today it seems” She jokes.

“I think we’ve broken them all” You say looking around at your friends who are still confused by the relationship.

“Si, but not me. I had a feeling you two were up to something these last few weeks” Mapi grins.

“Wait what?” Ingrid says confused.

“Oh come on, no one noticed that at the last few parties they’d somehow manage to sneak off? Always together for everything? They have sleepovers?” Mapi says, shocked that no one else caught on. Everyone seems to hum in agreement and realisation. You grin at the group of girls around you whilst holding Aitana’s hand.

“What do you think they do at those sleepovers!” Ingrid says, groaning.

“WE ARE ADULTS WHO HAVE NEEDS” Aitana raises her voice.

“Exactly, and lucky for Aita I’m very good at fulfilling her needs” You tease, watching the older women of the group glare at you and Aitana grin.

“Right that’s enough” Alexia launches in your direction, grabbing the scruff of your shirt.

“Alexia please no!” You whine.

“10 laps, both of you” She says as you both groan. “And after training, you’re coming over to my apartment so we can go over some ground rules, and I want to get to know Y/N more as she is dating my Aitana” Alexia says.

After getting through the gruelling 10 laps underneath the Barcelona sun, you did keep your word and went over to Alexia’s apartment that same evening, to your surprise, it was a pleasant evening in which you gained her trust, and her blessing with ‘her Aitana’.

[junesilk]

HIII omg ive been looking for a hxh blog for a WHILE there’s barely any that’s very active😭😭okok so since i’m a kurapika simp could you write headcanons and IF YOU WANTT, a mini scenario of jealous kurapika? hmm if you want an idea it could be smth like the reader has a guy bsf and kura got jealous from the lack of attention :(( THANK YOUU!

JEALOUS, JEALOUS BOY!

hxh main 4 x fem!reader

characters included: kurapika, leorio, killua, gon

i absolutely will, i have always loved jealousy prompts!! i’ve got several of these asks so far, so i’ll just kill multiple birds with one stone and go ahead and put them all together into a list of headcanons

not beta read ☝️

kurapika—

WHEN HE’S JEALOUS…

He’d be quiet in the moment, withdrawing himself from the conversation while staying by your side.

You most likely wouldn’t notice it right away because he is naturally a quiet person—

The most he would do is send a glare at the man taking all of your attention away, but other than that he’d avoid conflict.

As soon as you two were alone in a private setting, he would be much more clingy than usual

Which, in of itself would be unusual, as he’s not the type to be so physically attatched.

Perhaps it was his more possessive side coming out to play, but it certainly was new.

WHEN YOU’RE JEALOUS…

He’d know. Out of all of the main four, he’d pick it up fastest.

If the conversation wasn’t important, he’d find a way to end it quickly, to save you the jealousy.

If it is, he probably wouldn’t speed through it quite as much, but he’d place his hand on the small of your back,

His little way of assuring you he’s all yours.

He’d bring it up once you were alone, assuring you that he only had eyes for you.

leorio—

WHEN HE’S JEALOUS…

You’d feel his hand slide around your waist, looking up to see him staring at the other person

It was weird, you’d never seen him like… this!

If he was actively speaking in the conversation, every sentence referring to you would include some form of a pet name.

You could’ve sworn he said the words honey & babe at LEAST seven times

Once at home, he’d remind you who you loved most, pressing kisses to your flushed face.

WHEN YOU’RE JEALOUS…

Oh boy.

He’d be so proud, honestly. You loved him enough to be jealous? Heart melted.

You’d take his hand, tightly pressing your palms together and squeezing.

It’d take him a while to realize you’d been giving the other girl nasty looks for a few minutes, but once he did, he chuckled.

He’d make an excuse, wave goodbye to the poor girl, and then turn his attention to you.

“Woah, babe. If looks could kill..” He’d joke about it for a while, but in the end, he’d assure you there’s nobody he loves more.

killua—

WHEN HE’S JEALOUS…

He’d be extremely mean. Not to you, but to the man you were speaking to.

Killua is naturally really sarcastic, but he takes it to a whole other level.

Scoffing whenever the man made a joke, crossing his arms and looking away when you laugh.

He might use his assassin lineage to scare the other man away, but it’s rare he would need it.

He’s scary enough.

After freaking out the other man to the point where he’d left, he’d flick your forehead and roll his eyes. “That guy was looking at you weird!”

WHEN YOU’RE JEALOUS…

You wouldn’t know that he knew.

Not until the day afterwards, when there’s a chocolate robot laying beside your head when you wake up.

It’s his way for apologizing, or just letting you know that he did, in fact, know you were jealous

When asked, he’d shrug it off.

gon—

WHEN HE’S JEALOUS…

Gon’s not the type of person to get jealous.

He simply just doesn’t. It’s not because he doesn’t care for you or anything.

It’s because he’s too busy becoming friends with the new person!

Sure, he may pout if he’s not very interested in the conversation being held, but that’s the most he’d do.

WHEN YOU’RE JEALOUS…

We’ve all seen the movie.

Gon is oblivious, and remains to be that way unless you flat out tell him.

Feels bad for not realizing it earlier, but once told he tries his best to make it up to you.

He’d take you out on a date the next day, perhaps a picnic or something out in nature.

You can’t stay mad at him. After all, he just doesn’t pick up on these kinds of things very fast.

i hate how this got progressively shorter…… but wtv!!!

[flwrkisses]

boyfriend! ni-ki.

HAPPY (late) RIKI DAAAAY!! wishing the happiest and sweetest birthday to our lovely riki. celebrating by writing all my lovely ni-ki stans a little headcannon. enjoy!

genre: fluff. established relationship. idol! x reader. headcannon.

warning: some mentions of arguments and skin ship like kissing and cuddling.

❀˖° heeseung jay jake sunghoon sunoo jungwon ni-ki ..

- you and riki had been introduced to eachother by mutual friends. he for some reason found himself always wanting to impress you each time he saw you. thats how he found out he liked you.

- the weird feeling he would get in his chest when he saw you was actually just the butterflies. even if he didn't want to admit it. so, one day after talking to jake for a really long time about his feelings he finally got the confidence to tell you how he felt.

- he honestly was ready for rejection so when you told him you were also interested in him, took him off guard. he probably would need a moment to register what exactly to do next. but from that day on you guys just assumed you were dating without any proper question. you both admitted feelings for each other.. so you guys just assumed thats how relationships start.

- the first date would probably be to a movie in the park or maybe a shopping run that turned into a cafe and boba date on accident.

- riki is usually very private about his relationships.. however, if someone gets on his nerves he plays the "at least im actually dating someone!" card to rub in their face that he managed to find someone who loves and cares about him.

- he's a mean boyfriend, meaning that he will tease you, poke fun at you and play pranks on you because thats how he shows his love. however, you must retaliate in return if not its not fun.

- sometimes when you're walking down the street while holding hands he purposefully trips you and chuckles when you stumble only for you to try and trip him back. this usually leads to you guys almost tackling eachother in the middle of the sidewalk.

- he also finds it funny when he holds his hand out against your head to stop you from getting closer to him. he's tall and has long arms so he thinks its funny but after a while he gives in and pulls you close.

- you know he loves to mess around and tease you however, no matter how much he playfully bullies you he's actually very protective of you. lots of his jokes come from a place of love. however, if someone else were to make fun of you the way he did he couldn't find it funny at all.

- despite how playful he is. he would die for your touch. he loves melting into your arms and holding you. believe it or not he's a lot clinger than you'd imagine.

- in private he's putty in your hands but around his hyungs or anyone else he tries to play it cool.

- he draws you things on any serface if you give him enough time and a writing utensil. they're usually cute drawings of a couple that he says are the two of you. he leaves these little doodles on your shopping lists, notebooks, sticky notes, white boards.

- when you visit him while he's at practice he gets so excited because he loves seeing you when he's in his element. he shows off just for you and asks you if you thought he looked cool while dancing.

- riki finds your height difference to be extremely cute. he loves pointing out how short you are compared to him. he loves feeling tall around you. please ask him to get things off the top shelf.

- he's going to ask to borrow your hair tie, and never give it back so he can wear it around his wrist or keep it on his nightstand as evidence he's with someone.

- something you noticed is that he'd "accidentally" leave his shirts or hoodies at your place in hopes that you'd wear it. and when you do he melts a little inside.

- when shopping he usually likes to take you with him so you can tell him what you think about clothes. he wont buy something you don't like. if you're not with him expect pictures of clothes on him or facetime calls for your opinion.

- riki loves hearing your voice so even when he's sleepy from a long day working, he'll call you just to hear you talk about your day. his deep raspy voice usually just humming along to your words to let you know he's listening.

- most times he ends up falling asleep with you on call, regardless of if it's a video chat or regular phone call. he feels comfortable enough to do that with you so it's sweet. plus he works so hard you can't possibly be upset.

- he gets a lot if his dating and relationship advice from jake because in his eyes he thinks he's the most romantic. so most big romantic gestures from riki is usually something jake told him to do for you.

- pda is a big no for him, maybe simple hand holding or a quick hug would be okay. but he gets way too shy to actually kiss you or be overly touchy with you in public.

-but, he does like to see you wearing his clothes or matching shoes with him. its a little cheesy but he can't get enough of it. it's a little nod that you belong to each other.

- on his phone your contact would be something like "my loser." or "nerd." something not too romantic incase someone takes his phone and makes fun of him for having such a lovey dovey name for you.

- his home screen is a picture of you though. you're not looking at the camera and it's kinda blurry but he knows it's you and he loves looking at the candid pictures he's taken of you. loves it so much that it makes one of them his hime screen.

- riki loves thrill especially thrill rides so even if you don't like them he would drag you to ride rollercoasters or fast rides with him.

- he does love to kiss you though. after the first kiss he was addicted and is always looking forward the next kiss. however he would die inside if anyone every caught you both kissing.

- arguments are something unavoidable. especially when riki can be a little bit of a hot-head about things and prideful. he kinda sucks at apologizing or talking things out so space from each other usually helps you both cool down.

- after a couple days you both realize how much you miss each other and end up forgetting why you were upset with each other in the first place.

- a fault in him is saying yes to anything you want to do or ask for. sometimes he doesn't realize what exactly he's agreeing to. this has gotten him into a lot of very interesting situations with you. like ending up in the salon next to you getting his nails and toes done, or taste testing weird herbal teas, or even getting his hair dyed to slightly match yours.

- after a long day, you both just melt into the sofa and scroll on your phones for hours. just watching tiktoks or something similar. occasionally reaching over to show each other something funny.

- if you're not doing your weekly tiktok scroll with him on the sofa, you're probably cuddling and watching an anime. you guys take turns picking which one to watch. its also a nice way to spend time together since he loves to order food and make a date night out of it.

- when going out with you to a place where theres music and dancing involved. regardless on if you can or can't dance he would pull you to dance floor to dance with him. a big smile on his face as he watches you move and enjoy yourself.

- he is so supportive of you no matter what. he would promote your projects you choose to do regardless of what it is. he always has your back, and encourages you to do what you love.

- just expect impromptu dance parties while listening to music. you guys could be chilling and having music in the background when he pulls you up and just playfully dances with you.

- when watching a romance movie and they do something cool, like kiss under stars, or set up a romantic camp site, or something of that nature he can't help but look at you and say "lets do that."

- he would never tell you, but praise goes such a long way with him. he wants to hear that he's doing well and that you're proud of him. so when you vocalize it he loves it.

- in the beginning of the relationship he says things like. "saying 'i love you' is so cheesy." only to be the one who says it over and over later in your relationship. when you wake up, when you part ways for the day, when you go to bed. all the time.

- riki would also have a polaroid of you on the back of his clear phone case because he thinks it's cute. and regardless of how old the photo is he wont change it.

- overall, riki's a sweet but, mischievous type boyfriend. he lives and breathes for you and wont let you forget it with how much he playfully annoys you. there is nothing he wont do to make you happy or to hear your laugh that he loves so much.

©flwrkisses ; please do not copy, translate, repost and/or reuse my work without my permission. (2023)

masterlist. — requests are open!