#but that might just be thr asexuality talking

[jazajas]

as much as i like seeing explicitly queer characters kiss on screen, you can have a queer relationship without it, yknow?

like, actors have limits to what they're comfortable with, and that's fine. maintain and follow those boundaries. but you can have characters be in a relationship and just not kiss

like, frequent hand holding. maybe they're sitting across a room and a little too close to each other, softly whispering.

little blink and you'll miss it moments, and then they'll say something in passing about it like: oh my bf/gf did this, my partner said such and such, do we really need to send my husband/wife they're, etc.

especially when it's already accidentally written that way, like just embrace it.

edit: if anyone has seen the old guard, joe & nicky are very much a couple but they only ever actually kiss once in the entire movie - like that shit slaps

[nerves-nebula]

For years ive kind of favored demisexual/demiromantic above bi/pan to refer to myself because tbh it’s just more accurate. The way I’m attracted to people is nearly unrelated to gender. I could probably make a dozen things more important to me than the gender or physical appearance of my partner.

Gender presentation only matters so far as if someone is openly visibly queer I’m more interested because I know we might be thr same. But if it turns out they’re a shit person what does it matter what they look like. And like, I’m not interested romantically? I never deeply desired a relationship just from looking at someone, at most I just want to see more of you if I like being around you :/

I described my romantic feelings to a friend once as basically just being friendship but with more intimacy than a typical friendship and more of your life intertwined and he was like “that’s absolutely not what romantic feelings are they’re way different from friendship” and I’m beginning to think I might just be aromatic/asexual entirely, not demi. and i haven’t been able to tell because i deeply yearn for intimacy and I’m a bit possessive and so I figured that must mean I want romance or something.

But I’ve never had a crush. And I love my girlfriend but I probably couldn’t tell you the difference between my relationship with her and having a really close friend- because she’s my best friend! I adore her, but I never needed her to be in love with me. I never need sex or even really romance. We’ve been on one “date” to see sonic 2, and mostly we just hang out like we always have just with occasional kissing and some sexual activity. My ideal relationship has always been being best friends and deciding to intertwine your lives, which is basically what happened, and I knew that would always be seen as romantic to outsiders so I didn’t realize until recently that like… there’s no specifically romantic feelings here??? It’s just closeness? Intimacy? And I can easily see myself developing this kind of closeness with any of my friends if they do desired??

Anyway I think it’s time I stopped kidding myself. I’m not Demi, I just have really high standards about who I keep around in my life and get close to in general. My standards for friends and partners are exactly the same because there isn’t much of a difference when it comes to who I want present in my life.

I don’t catch feelings when I’m close to someone, I just get relaxed around them, which feels nice and so I equated it with romantic emotions. But once I got more friends I realized that warm fuzzy feeling wasn’t romantic attraction!! Because im aromantic!!!!

I guess it’s pretty cliche to come out during pride month but in my defense I didn’t realize this until i wrote this post. I was supposed to be musing on why I prefer demi to other labels and basically just talked myself into identifying as aromantic. Oops.

I’m probably also asexual but I already basically knew that.

[thosemintcookies]

See the problem isn't even about shipping itself. I've seen like "Yeah shipping doesn't have to exist what about nonromantic relationships and gen!" Which I think is also missing the point. I think the deeper root is that it's discouraging to see people lose sight of art itself as something that's political, as something with bias, as something with a message, as symbolic, etc as a construct of the thing itself. The real problem is that art is becoming a marketable product for wanton consumption and people don't want to engage in art for arts sake.

Yes light-hearted stuff does have its place but what is art for? Sometimes you should be emotionally and ideologically challenged because it fosters growth, and it helps build empathy for complex experiences that you might not have.

Art is subjective, not just in reference to "quality" whatever that means. It means it deals with the realm of the subjective- in emotions, experiences, expressions, philosophies, perspectives, attachments.

And then also being able to sit and decode biases of the writers and the constructs of the narrative also help with being able to enjoy light-hearted things and to understand the jokes. Dr. Goldfoot and the bikini machine is also a deconstruction of the treatment of women in the James Bond franchise. Megamind is also a statement on toxic possessive masculinity and humanizing criminals and immigrants.

Its also kind of wild that these are just. Topics. They're not even particularly deep topics and explorations. It's wild to me that just interpreting at all is seen as intellectual and unnecessary. Also, understanding these themes and being able to agree/disagree with the methods and messaging is part of what makes a piece of media enjoyable in the first place!

The other thing is, I want to leave room for the idea that not everyone is able to intepret. Ive seen the stance that being anti-fandomification is ableist. There are people who won't, for example, he able to pick up on social cues of the characters and therefore come to different conclusions on why a certain scene was put in place. I think that's all fine and good and valid, but I think the more we can enjoy and interpret media as a culture beyond their face value marketability the better. I mean there are going to be asexual aromantic autistic people for example who would love to be able to have media that explore a wider diversity of motifs and topics and interests presented. Diversifying fan reception also helps out people who engage with media differently from you (ex. I know there has been a huge backlash in the stereotype of thr gatekeeping comics reader who just asks if you've read certain runs to test your alliegence to the franchise. I wonder how much of that is just a fucked up portrayal of autistic fans who want to talk about their favourite plots with someone who might understand).

I don't know. It's just kind of exhausting it's become about defensiveness about how you enjoy your media. Like yeah to be honest shipping characters is fun or whatever. I think though this is a sentiment coming from people who are constantly seeing people miss the point of a piece of media that they do love, having characters they love be misinterpreted, or being distraught when people are praising a show for fat queer rep when the media is clearly pushing an anti-fat and anti-queer narrative by making them a Nazi sympathizer and pedophile or something. It also encourages less thoughtful media making on the part of artists and creators who are more encouraged to think about the bottom line, especially when fans flock to things with interesting concepts and aesthetics but absolutely no substance or chemistry between characters.

Idk. People point to how Spirk was so popular and that shipping has existed since the 70s. And yes weird porn has always existed and I encourage people writing whatever. But that ship also arose out of a progressive piece of media that tried to come up with a hopeful future world where people are united regardless of race or nationality. You have a black woman and a Russian and an honest-to-god mixed race alien all working together like its normal. The themes of the show are progressive. Of course people are going to read into the homoerotic relationship at the heart of the series.

The problem now is that people are still drumming up excitement over absolute shit-tier content like marvel films and Avatar 2 that are actually pretty regressive for Our Modern Times being pro-military and cisheteronormative. Care more about the artistic value of a piece if only to demand better from corporations. If only to be able to see through progressive posturing on the topic of representation just to spout regressive propaganda.

[bimbofaerie]

hi, so i need help/advice about my sexuality👉🏻👈🏻

so since i was around seventeen (17) ive identified as pansexual.. bUT for a while now, especially these past few months ive been questioning my sexuality..

i think i might be asexual panromantic instead, but im not completely sure if its appropriate to identify as ace..

ive never felt sexual attraction towards someone, or i dont think i have anyway?? i see a lot of people getting sexual pleasure or feeling aroused from looking at someones nudes, or when sexting/talking dirty.. i do not, it makes me really uncomfortable in fact..

and i see a lot of people look at someone, whether its a celeb, a friend, a random person they see etc, and say how "they could get it" or show some form of sexual attraction to them.. and i can look at someone and think theyre hot, but i dont have the desire to fuck them or anything, and talking about if someone "could get it" makes me pretty uncomfortable too..

but with that being said, i still have sexual desire and libido in general, i still masturbate, i still have kinks and still experience sexual pleasure from said kinks, and fantasies.. ive read from a few sources that asexuals still experience these things, but i just want to make sure before deciding to identify as asexual..

theres also thr fact i might be demisexual, and just not know it..

ive only been in a few relationships, and none of them i would class as real relationships because theyve never lasted long, and a lot of them was when i was younger and didnt actually feel any proper connection to the person i was dating..

so i could be demisexual, but since i havent had a relationship last long enough to build a strong emotional connection with them, im not completely sure.. but obviously if i eventually do date someone, and it lasts longer than a month or two, i can start identifying as demi if i feel like thats more accurate..

but n e way, knowing all that, would it be appropriate to identify as asexual panromantic?? or is there a better label to describe my sexuality?? any and all help/advice would be much appreciated, thank you🥺👉🏻👈🏻

[preventingselfdestruction]

1/29/2019 at 9:16pm

Tonight was therapy. I had two options for what to talk about. The first was outlined in a recent post, but I just don't think I was ready for that tonight.

The second was a selection of items from a huge binder I have of various items from my past. A lot of what was in there was the writing, but the items that stood out to me weren't necessarily my writing.

1) A photo of me from in high school with my favorite band, Barlow Girl, in the background. I was wearing the hoodie I basically wore every day around that point in my life. I was around 15 or 16.

2) A series of notecards that I used for my first ever youtube video. I never showed my face. The cards read as follows: "-These are my secrets: -I am insecure -My friends think I am overly secure -I fake my smiles most of the time -I do not think I ever want to get married -I might not even believe in romantic love -I read to escape reality -I am a feminist... -But I hate my body -I trust my parents w/ my life... -...but never with my secrets... -I was raised by a Christian family... -...But I don't know what I believe about God anymore... -I find it hard to trust people -I have a whole binder of stuff I have written to try to deal... -I cut myself when I get overwhelmed -I've tried to stop too many times to count... -But I keep running back to it... -I'll probably never stop trying -Those were <u>my</u> secrets... -Tell me yours?" My therapist expressed interest in a few of the cards in particular. The ones about marriage/love, feminist/body, trust/secrets, religion, and thr last one about self-harm. She asked me if I think I am done with self-harm. I said I hope so. She asked me again. I said I think so.

3) A card written by a friend from high school in which she says all sorts of nice things about me. But a lot of them are about how I am awesome because I have helped her. I feel like it sort of is representative of my friendships in high school. It also reminded me of the meeting (think Intervention) that I attended to support this friend after she showed a bunch of people at youth group how she had self-harmed up and down her arms. That meeting freaked me out and made me not want to tell anyone about my own struggles.

4) This was not in my binder, but I found it in the word documents on my laptop. It is a poem that I wrote in college titled "Seductress" that is about my relationship with self-harm at the time. My therapist read it through once, amd then again. She said she felt it was very sensual, and not something she would have expected from someone who thinks they might be asexual. I can see where she is coming from.

We ran out of time to discuss the 5th and final piece. She tried to ask me about it, but I said we didn't have time to go into that one.

5) It is a little traced drawing of a robot on a 3x5 notecard. The robot stands with curved metal arms and legs. The silver of it's body is colored with a metalic sharpie and thin black lines were added in to delineate the various parts. It's hands are open like it is about to grab something. It has two little antennae and a rounded helmet (sort of like buzz lightyear) with a large question mark. That robot symbolized the person in a robot costume that felt me up when I was drunk out of my mind my senior semester of college.

I will probably talk about this last piece in my next session in two weeks. It might be a gopd segway (sp?) into the other things I want to talk about.

E.