#but that feels very [at a loss for words]
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"grief is just love with no place to go"
(jamie anderson)
"i this hope grief stays with me because it's all the unexpressed love that i never got to tell her..."
(andrew garfield)
Credits: Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: Notes on Grief / C.S Lewis: A Grief Observed / Shannon Barry quote via @academia-aesthetics / Fleabag 2016 / Jamie Anderson quote / One Day 2024 / Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Half of a Yellow Sun / Little Women 2019 / Amanda Gorman, Call Us What We Carry / WandaVision 2021 / Andrew Garfield quote / Ocean Vuong quote, source / Up 2009 / Lang Leav: September Love via @academia-aesthetics / "the grief is never ending but so is the love" monkey meme / commemorative bench plaque in Central Park, New York, photo:© Neva Micheva / Valarie Kaur, See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love / Glennon Doyle Leyton: Love warrior / Hotel Del Luna 2019 / Heidi Priebe: As Long As There Is Love, There Will Be Grief
#y'all this is my first ever webweave pls be nice#if anyone seeing this post is grieving a loved one im so so so sorry and im sending you so much love#its such a hard thing to deal with but making this helped me cope a little hopefully it helps others too#crediting was a lot of work man#but still feel free to tell me if anything is missing im very new to making webs lol#web weave#web weaving#webweaving#grief#web weavings#grief is love#poetry#parallels#words words words#poems and quotes#poeteunoia#mine#spilled ink#spilled poetry#mourning#tw grief#dealing with grief#grief poetry#grief journey#loss#grieving#sad quotes#sad poetry#heartbreak#tw death
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Anyone else just not feeling like a real person much lately?
#'lately' he says#as if he's not been feeling this way for the last 28 years#idk man#maybe it's bc I'm getting older and so are the people i hang/chat with#but it feels like everyone else has a real life and real interests and experiences and things to say#and I'm some kind of hollow scarecrow person just full of memory loss and sadness#i feel very stupid and very boring#which i know is too harsh. and i know i should be kinder to myself bc life and covid and shit can't have helped the brain situation#and i should absolutely believe my friends when they say they wanna hang with me bc it's mean not to take them at their word#but I'm still like... why though?#genuinely what's the appeal of being around me. my head is empty i have nothing to add and I'm not interesting or that funny#it's been creeping up on me. this feeling like i just genuinely have nothing to offer.#i don't even know who i am#except for a person who like. lives vicariously through fictional characters experiencing feelings I've never had cause to feel#i can relate to emotions SO vividly except i myself haven't even felt the half of them#i just sort of quietly exist somewhere on the spectrum between content and discontent#with occasional drops into the despair zone#and even if the stuff i think is keeping me here went away tomorrow. like if mum stopped being an issue and i was free#like... what would i even do?#i don't even know how to want something#anyway. this has been morning mental breakdowns with newt#I'm going to go make some made up guys live the life i haven't now#mr. bees speaks#negative
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I wonder how similar the kal we know is to the Kal he used to be. It’s not unreasonable to assume that aspects of his personality have been diminished or changed due to fog related poisoning. Which leaves you wondering how much of him is really him and just how much of a change was there?
#I’m very normal about kal pulp musicals don’t worry guys#me when it’s all poisoned your mind#NO! it’s all opened my mind and poison. it’s kinda my thing! :3#me when character becomes a twisted fucked up version on theirself!!!!!!#I feel like realisticly it’s like he’s more energetic and less caring#like a loss of humanity but a gain of silly and overconfidence#I have my thoughts but I have no clue how to buy them into words#just excited screaming about the guy!!!!#pulp musicals#kal pulp musicals#kalfu pulp musicals
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I was scrolling through some of your posts and I saw the one about gender nullification and it made me feel so much better to know that not only was it achievable but that someone else wished for it too.
anon, seeing this ask in my inbox really put some lightness in my heart honestly. for a lot of my life, i had always felt rather uncomfortable with that aspect of my body - so much so that i can't really look at myself in the mirror before/after showering for example - and having learned about it a few years ago was honestly so validating, knowing that there is a form of bottom surgery to be able to achieve a neutral look, that would finally allow me to feel comfortable in my own body. thank you for your ask anon. may we both some day see our true selves in the mirror.
#ask#anon#i learned about it through a tumblr post that managed to happen upon my dashboard at some point#i think it was just a post talking about specific types of bottom surgery and their descriptions#i hope that. if and when i do get nullification surgery. that they're able to keep the ability To Feel intact.#that may be TMI. but that's the only thing i'd hate losing. but i can't imagine it's impossible.#i've had someone in the past tell me that it's possible at the very least. so there is hope#anyway. i'm glad you could find my tags anon#that's all i can really ever hope for when talking about it#or specifically there being people out there that feel the same as you or i#thank you for the ask anon. truely#i'm always at a loss for words on responding to asks like these. but i answer the only way i know how#i'm shaking your hand
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last rb had me thinking of how lame bif would actually be as a person
#as ive mentioned i dont think he has a personality if that makes sense 😭#like youd be able to tell that he TRIES hard to have some kind of identity but he kind of… fails?#like he kind of wants to be known for something beyond his money but at the same time he also still bears the hubris of his family's wealth#hes maybe like those rich kids who insist that theyre talented beyond their money but one look at him and youre like. nah lmfao#for what its worth i think he genuinely is a talented boxer which is why his other persona other than Rich Boy is Undisputed Champion#which is probably also why he takes his loss to jimmy hard#what i also find interesting is the common fandom consensus that bif likes things like hip hop and rap#which are things you dont often associate with white preppy boys (for lack of better wording)#do u think he started branching out to 'less convential' interests bc hes aware he doesnt have any identity outside of being rich#on that i feel like hed also desire to be known as someone beyond derbys lapdog…?#like i dont think hes blindly loyal to derby actually. i feel like theres potential for resent here#since derby and bif are both very prideful people#this just turned into rambling as per usual if u read all of this god bless u#bif taylor#derby harrington#(ment)#bully cce#bully scholarship edition
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Dennis says the L word
#i definitely didnt have this kicking around on my hard drive#iasip#it's always sunny in philadelphia#dennis reynolds#the genuine ones being within his daydream where he has been forcibly desexualized by losing use of his dick & actually falling in love#in mac's fantasy where he fucking dies and dennis was too late to say it#forced out of necessity by dennis' fear of abandonment by dee#spoken when he believes theyre in a life or death situation and hoping to connect with dee at the very end#telling his wife that he does not love her while looking to mac and then reaffirming this saying he's NEVER loved her#and of course while absolutely shitfaced and upset at the loss of his childhood stuffed elephant (and dee's betrayal)#ill be real. the second i heard him say a bunch of shit about feelings & how he loved the monkey in 15x4 i had to check to see who wrote it#it had been SO long................ like of course glenn is the one to bring it back. ok.#more of den saying he loves things plz#ada speaks#ada's videos#if you guys can think of any other times he's said it pleasssseeee let me know lol i tried#update: i added in a few more#left out the ones in 7x01 w him talking about loving no restrictions bc i wanted this to be abt him expressing Love to sentient beings#loving crack and loving a person are two different L words jskhbshn
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once again thinking abut how animated mighty nein is apparently going to be a different story right from the get go. thinking of widomauk being the first kiss of the campaign and how Caleb is the one who fights the hardest to bring Molly back at the very end, the way Molly remembers Caleb as literally "softness and light." Molly, Lucien, and King all flirting with Caleb, and just......w. what if they actually get to explore those feelings before Caleb loses Molly--
#we literally got the 'the only thing magical here is you friend' the very episode before molly died. just.....the unlimited potential and#words still cant express how disappointing and gutting it felt to see molly die right after that when there were so many#compelling things going on with all his different relationships with other members of the nein. fascinating character dynamics we#never even got the chance to really explore. the biggest loss of potential--#all those feelings they never got to discuss#cr has the chance to do the single greatest thing--#even just molly and caleb getting the chance to talk about the kiss after alfield would heal my whole broken heart--#sorry missing mollymauk and caleb again
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My beloved Gríma. The most wonderful cat I have ever had. I last held you a year ago and now I will never get to do so again. Sofðu rótt, elsku engillinn minn. Ég hef saknað þín á hverjum degi síðan ég flutti í burtu og nú mun ég sakna þín það sem eftir er.
#she would have been two years old soon#it hardly feels real#it breaks my heart knowing that she searched for me every day for weeks after I moved away#she mourned my loss and now I mourn hers in return#tw animal death#it feels weird writing out the word 'death'#makes it feel more real#I was hoping to see her again this year#sorry guys this one's a bit of a downer#she truly was the perfect cat#I'm really not holding up very well right now
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seen a lot of people saying that episode 13 is a spider episode, but am i the only one who sees it as a desolation episode? idk it’s just the cycle of the finance bro clawing his way up to ultimate fortune by losing everything else, and at the end of it all he doesn’t even get to keep his riches. he literally has nothing by the end of it, he’s burned every bridge, alienated himself from his friends and parents and completely fucked up his health. all that suffering just for one terrible loss, he got a taste of the top and it was stolen from him right at the finish line. life metaphorically going up into flames.
#the magnus protocol#magnus protocol#the web argument has good points tho#compulsion and addiction and honestly i think luck in of itself is pretty web coded#having to trust the one thing you are physically incapable of changing to guide your life#very ‘my will means nothing all factors are out of my reach’#but would the web honestly let people cheat it? maybe that’s why all the luck-based people die horrible on-screen deaths#maybe the web has shifted to chance#the fears have been reconfigured#i remember seeing that somewhere#maybe luck is some sort of desolation web hybrid fear#fear of the loss that comes with a complete and utter lack of control#and with the episode#it’s also lowkey a capitalism metaphor but i feel like i’d word an explanation wrong#man finds app that lets him profit on suffering of others#find loophole and hurts himself + those around him#app terminates him because he made money from his own suffering instead of ruining everyone else’s life#man destroys himself for profit and gets none of it
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first to die last standing something something
#i always thought that scar winning would be the perfect conclusion to; at the very least; his overall story in the life series#but by god did i never once thought that it would be *this* good#and i love everyone's takes on it but there's just something about death and loneliness that i can't quite put into words#but that feels very [at a loss for words]#anyways#need to uh structure my thoughts and maybe do something about them#traffic smp#sun talk
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hey guys who was gonna tell me that bocchi the rock contained the single most autistic scene in anime history
#(and im saying this as a mob psycho 100 fan. btw)#i just binged the first 8 episodes and. wow#like admittedly i had seen a clip of her opening riff from that performance but the whole thing. holy shit#im at a loss for words#bocchi the rock!#btr#though i am a little.... unsure how to feel..... because. the scene calls deliberate attention to how she isnt looking at the crowd#and eye contact was a big thing she was 'working on' so i dont want it to be framed as 'wow she's so good if only she would look up'#but i havent watched past episode 8 so for now i live in a beautiful world where she was able to perform that way BECAUSE she didnt look up#and thats okay! shes allowed to not make eye contact even though its unconventional. its not a flaw - its what makes her unique#cause so much of this show is bocchi forcing herself to try to be more social or do things the 'right' way and im like nooooo.......#youre allowed to be a weird little introvert who cant make eye contact..... please stop trying so hard to be something else......#and like. 'its okay to be weird' is very straightforwardly the message of the show#im just worried it will pull its punches with the more socially unacceptable stuff yknow?#like it would still be fine. obviously people can get over a fear of eye contact. but it would make me a little sad.....#lol 'im at a loss for words'. says the guy who has never stopped yapping since he said his very first word#anyway. watch bocchi the rock 👍
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i want to put link in isat. im sure hed do fine. the heros spirit endures
#my post#i was gonna say like. 'probably not the worst thing the heros spirit has endured.' but actually#man. idk. ppl like to say majoras mask is super dark. i think bc ur constantly faced with tragedy in a very direct way#zelda is usually slightly less in your face abt that stuff. mm crosses the line for that juust enough for it to be Particularly Notable#loz generally isnt afraid to address the Horrors. or at least acknowledge them#i dont mean this in a 'mm is darkest zelda' or whatever kind of way. (see jacob gellers video 'every zelda is the dsrkest zelda')#i mean it as like. mm is just louder about it#yknow. but is mm is speaking loudly then. if u put isat next to loz then it would drown mm out quite easily#in large part bc the story is just told differently#the characters are much more expressive in every way. bc the story is being told through expression#whereas loz tells stories specifically via player action#if that makes sense?#loz focuses on the journey. isat focuses on how the journey feels#not to mention links permanent 😶. which definitely influences this#honestly link as a general character (tho especially botw link) is very similar to siffrin. im not gonna try to put that into words rn but#maybe another time#anyways. if isat were told more like a zelda game i think it would be along mm and botw#i say those 2 specifically bc time loop and death and loss. lol#if the reverse were true. if loz ganes were told more like isat. then god dude i dunno#i might go through the plots of each and measure out how much i think the bitch(link) is Going Through It sometime#not rn. but sometime#initial gut thoughts tho. i think probably oot sksw la andd. possibly ww. wojld have similar emotional impact#sksw especially. have you seen his face when he sees zelda in the crystal thing. god#id say botw too but tbh. i kind of think its emotional impact is best as is.#it leaves itself a lot of room to breathe. you can rlly like. think abt it.#man these tags are off topic from the original post. eh its my post who care
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you guys ever listen to vse kar vem
#joker out#it's SO GOOD. the lyrics are SO GOOD.#also they make me very sad#the contrast between the needs of the speaker and the needs of the partner#the hand-in-hand solace and hopelessness of the chorus#the way that even 'i've heard that' in first line sets the situation up as being an uphill battle#actually to elaborate on the first point. the contrast between#the framing of the speaker as not only something now unnecessary to the partner (OUCH) but as something that could actively cause them pain#in the future#vs the framing of the partner as the speaker's sole solace (ha) and comfort that they are soon going to lose#but it's a necessary loss because otherwise they would just be dragging the partner down into hell and presumably the speaker cares greatly#for the partner. but it's still a loss of someone who acts an an anchor for the speaker#the way what's good for the speaker can't live alongside what's good for the partner because they're the antithesis of each other#the feeling of desperately trying to hold on to the last tatters of solace. I'm using that word a lot. before it gets torn away and you're#left with nothing#the hopeless repeating of the chorus in contrast to the verses#'i've heard this and this and this and i know this and this but all that i know is you are my anchor and comfort and when I'm with you#i'm safe'#hell even the way 'i know' vs 'I've heard' is used throughout the song#“i've heard everything comes to an end and I've heard you don't need me anymore. but all i know is that i need you”#“but i also know you've been through hell before and you don't want to return. and staying with me will put you there”#“but i know still that your presence keeps me from being there”#i am going to EAT DRYWALL#i'm making interpretations now so it's probably time to wrap this tag-fest up#i'm sure it was very redundant. i may end up getting emotional and adding to it another time but in summary#kris guštin i'm going after you with a hunting knife#and maybe bojan cvjetićanin too?? idk if he's credited as co-writing the music or the chorus#only tagging kris though because he's the one i'm sure wrote at least a portion of both#og#kris guštin
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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Not to localizationpost but the reason Daigo's line sounds off is because it is <3 Not in that it's a mistranslation per se... He was saying he felt like he was the only coward among them, and "You're making me look like I have no balls." is One Way You Could Put That I Guess, but it loses his established character voice and is at odds with the delivery.
It's actually even more Kansai-like in the dub script, since dropping the G like this is near-exclusive to Kansai:
In Gaiden, I've noticed there's been a significant hemorrhaging of dialects that has at best been hastily cleaned-up. It's most evident with Nishitani III because he was, practically up until release day, localized like he's from Kansai even though he doesn't speak Kansai at all. I think I last talked about that before the game came out, but having experienced the game, there are still remnants of that in parts of the sub script and especially the dub script. You can also see it pop up with Kiryu using words like " 'bout" and " 'course," which He Would Not Say.
The introduction of slang where it doesn't really belong and the mixups with the dialects are relatively minor issues... until you have the accidental sexual abuse censorship fiasco on your hands because you decided to translate from Kanto rather than Kansai... lol...
In that instance and that instance only I feel entitled to monetary compensation from the localization team for all 60+ tweets I had to see questioning Shishido's abuse (yes I counted) (for this week's/tomorrow's video) because GODDDDD I can't even blame the players at that point... I just feel it fundamentally changes how you look at Shishido and Nishitani As Characters I will neverrrrr be over it I'm sorry...
On another note, while I'm talking about Shishido, setting aside the many actual mistranslations with his dialogue, I do kind of feel like they struggled with his character voice. He's notably much more polite than you'd expect, and I could tell the effect Yokoyama and Furuta were originally going for was something along the lines of the contrast between Mine and Jo's usual formality (depending on who they're addressing anyway Lol) and how vulgar and aggressive they get when they snap, just with the added layer of Shishido not looking as outwardly professional/put-together as those two.
Like. Y'know. It's not that Kansai is casual in and of itself, it's that many Kansai characters speak more casually and there's a higher ceiling for how colorful their language can get, but you still have to keep the individual character's voice in mind... Shishido also slips into the Kanto dialect on occasion, which has interesting implications for his character, and it's somewhat disappointing to not see that noted when the team for K2 did note when Sayama switched accents lol...
Anyway none of that matters what does matter is that in the scene you were referencing, in spite of making Daigo's line more vulgar than it is, they replaced Shishido calling everyone "dickcheeses" with "pricks" LIKE C'MOOONNNN YOU'RE TELLING ME JO CAN TALK ABOUT TEATS BUT SHISHI CAN'T GET PROPER NARSHTY... I get that it's kind of an unwieldy phrase but c'mooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnn it's his birthdayyyyy
i woulda just bout lost every marble i had left if they really let shishido get away with callin everyone smegma liiiikkkeee i wouldn't have survived LOL
#long post#havent used that in a. /long/ while HAH GOTTEM anyway.#snap chats#anyway thats fun :) <- its not fun 'interesting' is a word that exists and fits#yeah sorry you had to deal with. The Affects Of Localization LMAO ITS WHY I TRY NOT TO MENTION IT MUCH#its an annoying topic so i try dodging it and yet i failed.. the line is still really funny to me. ill try to stop talkin bout it tho#there is a point is 'loss in character voice' tho since. thats what I Think i was rambling bout in my post lol#but yeah. thats fun :) <- its still not fun#despite shishido Looking Like That adn Being Built Like That at the very least i did feel like he was SOMEWHAT polite#idk how to describe it but i didnt feel like he was as vulgar or . bombastic(?) as ryuji (who he was compared to at some point)#NOT A BAD THING OF COURSE i should stop talking :) i dont have a phd in. anything LOL but esp not shishido#i dont know what im talking about half the time anyway... lol...
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I should leave this in a tag post so it's not on main but whatever, I'm in a mood and listening to "peace" for the first time in awhile along with this rambling mess from the other night puts me in my feelings because "[you know that I'd] give you my wild, give you a child" is such a vulnerable, raw, honest confession to share with someone (let alone put in a song on a Grammy-winning album) and I don't know how much clearer the pipeline from there to the events on TTPD could be but just. It's heavy, but obvious and understandable (to me). And I'm not about to delve into why because of reasons and also don't want to come across as projecting or speculating or whatever but. Once again I think if you're in a certain age bracket and life stage so much of this just makes sense inherently.
#like again i'm trying to word this delicately#but it also feels very... iykyk#and like I was trying to get at in my post on the weekend#it's the loss of that in the one instance that canonballed her into the second#but goddamn 'peace' really is like... the blueprint#the long pond version is just 🤌😭😳🙃#I know I shouldn’t be but sometimes I’m still surprised she put something that forward on her album#especially at that point in her life#and I think then and even in retrospect it meant a lot and is part of how the rs got to where it did (if I had to guess etc)#(like… yes someone fumbled the bag but I also think the… topic(s) of the song were a direct correlation#(not saying releasing the song is lmao but the topic(s) discussed probably were)#my work day is going great can you tell#lmao like this is the stuff I think of but don’t feel comfortable posting on main#that is a private convo thing lol
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