#but that did nothing for me either so either I just didn't have enough or it doesn't work well enough to matter
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male yandere! streamer x gn! fan reader
feeding your parasocial relationships🫶
was tempted to make him a username called masonjar but whateves let’s just stick to a classic name.
got inspired by the post I saw by @blood-smiles !
warnings: parasocial relationship (kinda from both sides) jealousy, yandere themes, obsessive behavior.
Mason was an insanely popular streamer the type to have both guys and girls fawning over him, edits of him with people thirsting over his good looks but despite the sheer amount of fans he had, you took the liberty of naming yourself his biggest fan.
somehow you ended up being noticed by him, it started with him noticing you in his streams and comments and then seeing you in every single one of his meet-and-greets. Always wearing his merchandise, your account only had a select few pictures of yourself that drowned in all the posts that centered around him. He couldn't help getting curious, you were just so loyal and obsessed with him that he thought it was adorable.
he started chatting with you, the way you freaked out when he messaged you was so cute, he had a grin stretched on his face the entire time. Because of his active interaction with you you became known to his other fans and gained popularity.
he was having thought of meeting up with you frequently, maybe even a few collabs..this could be a big break for both of you!
but as time went by it seemed like you were just...moving on.
you didn't interact with his socials as much anymore, missed more streams than the ones you watched, even your content started to stray further away from him. You either didn't post as much or you were posting about other low-stream influencers who didn't even compare to him. He was popular, good looking, and skilled. Everyone on the internet loved him and you were lucky enough to get noticed by him and you're just throwing it away?!
he knows it's silly and that he shouldn't care but you were his loyal fan..did it mean nothing?!
truly you were moving on, Mason has a special spot in your heart but your interests were changing. It was a habit of yours where you get obsessively hyper-fixated on something or someone and then hop on to the next thing.
you didn't do anything wrong you honestly thought Mason forgot your existence but the spam messages that filled up your inbox later proved that that is far from the truth.
Mason: so what you just got bored of me huh?
Mason: you were drooling over me just two weeks ago and now you're over here praising someone else?!
Mason: answer me
Mason: why aren't you answering me?!
Mason: are you too busy obsessing over a new guy to even send a text back?
his jaw clenches and his hand shakes from the tight grip he has on his phone as he almost burns a hole into the damn thing from staring at the screen so hard while waiting for you to see your messages.
he gets fed up and sets his phone down and put on his headphones getting ready to start the stream.
he acts normal in front of the camera but his eyes keep sliding down to the comments trying to find you there. He tries to mask it by reading and replying to other people's comments even though he doesn't truly care.
he only wants your eyes to watch him.
your praise.
your devotion.
surely you'll come back to him..won't you?
#yandere streamer#fan reader#make yandere#gn reader#streamer oc#yandere streamer x reader#jealous yandere#obsessive yandere#yandere headcanons#new oc#yandere blog#yandere oc#yandere x reader#yandere#yandere fanfiction#jealous yandere x reader
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thinking about viktor with a chronically ill reader. you know? we see the vision, right?
it just works.
the thing with chronic pain, illnesses, disabilities, all of that - is that you can't always see them. sometimes you can, sure, you can see the mobility aids and the not-standing-up-for-too-long and the bruising from blood draws and sometimes you can see the compression garments, the pills and inhalers and the i'm fine, i just need a moment-
but most people just don't pay attention to that. or if they do, they don't put the pieces together fast enough to figure out what's really going on under the surface. viktor does, though; he's been there, and most of the time he's way beyond hiding it. or, well, he's way beyond hiding some of it.
walking with a cane was like carrying a neon sign that said yes there is something different here. yes i can't walk the way you can. no it's not going to get better. that last part wasn't directly evident just from him using a cane, sure, but with the way his cane looked, it should've been pretty clear. He had used one practically forever and it had evolved with him, he'd made it as comfortable to use as it could be, had even made it match his uniform.
so yeah. viktor knew what it was like. he'd been the disabled kid forever, even if some of the others were never going to say it out loud. that was just a thing about him, and he knew how hard it could be to navigate something like that in an academic environment. it was hard to admit you couldn't do something, that you had to sit down, that you needed a moment. that sometimes your body was just falling apart for no particular reason and it was just another tuesday.
sometimes it was easier to sit with the pain than take medication in the middle of a meeting, knowing that someone would make a bigger deal out of it than it had to be, even if it was just raising their eyebrows meaningfully. they'd think about you differently afterwards.
he could see you push through it, and he didn't blame you, really, he did that himself, too, but - he didn't want you to hurt yourself. you hadn't been in the lab as long as he had, so he could understand you being a little cautious with how you acted and what you told people, but he didn't want you to feel like you had to put on a show for him. he was, after all, walking around with the equivalent of a light-up sign of i'm disabled, too, and he liked to think of himself as someone who wouldn't come off as judgemental about stuff like that. other stuff, sure, stupid stuff, but not that.
so when he sees you dealing with the telltale signs of being in pain, he conveniently sends jayce and the others to pick up some parts that would take a while to collect and that they wouldn't actually need until the next day. but better prepared, right? what's the harm.
and then he comes to sit next to you and sighs deeply. leans back. relaxes to the best of his abilities. asks if you're alright, and sounds like he already knows the answer.
you sigh too, shift your position, and answer with it's fine. and viktor recognizes the strain in your voice, in your posture, and he knows there's a key difference between this and i'm fine, but he'll take it. it's not what he'd like, but he'll take it.
he leans over to dig around his belongings, and then offers you a bag of candied almonds.
"if you're going to take pain killers, it's better if you eat something first," he says, and you just stare at him. "i assume you haven't taken anything yet. nothing strong enough, at least," he continues, casually, and you take a deep breath and accept the almonds.
he smiles. continues like this is totally normal. "jayce made me start carrying around some food so i could do that. for myself, i mean. but it doesn't hurt to have some snacks around either way, i suppose."
he knows he's skirting around the real topic of the conversation, but he also knows that sometimes people get uncomfortable around his bluntness, and you hadn't exactly told him you were in pain, so he'd understand it if you were a little weirded out. after all, most people didn't notice this stuff. but you haven't run away from him, and you're eating, and then you're digging around your own bag to take your medication, so he'll count this as a win.
thanks, you exhale, handing back the almonds, and he takes a handful of them himself.
"i'm fine, really," you continue, not really looking at him, "it's just hard sometimes."
he nods. it was - even if he didn't know the specifics, he knew that it was true. especially since you had been hiding it from the others. and with something like that, something the others couldn't see, the invisible step to let them see it would grow bigger and bigger with time, when they expected you to be able to do everything they did without a second thought.
he also knows you didn't mean fine in the dictionary definition sense of the word, but more in the this is normal and you don't need to worry -sense. and that's fine. he was used to functioning on different parameters than most people, so this version of fine was good enough.
my body just isn't always very reliable, you explain with a sigh, and that he knows better than well.
he hmms in answer and nods. he knows.
you exhale a small laugh at that.
and he's glad you're relaxing, wants you to be as comfortable here as possible.
"these people are alright," he says casually, "as far as healthy people go."
viktor smiles a little.
another win for him.
and then he sits with you, talking and not talking and enjoying the quiet comfort if it all. and then he makes up some excuse so you don't have to keep working yet. he was well aware what it was like trying to work through the pain, waiting for the medication to kick in, and he wouldn't exactly recommend it. besides, as a rule, you were more likely to make mistakes if you were thinking through a layer of pain, and that was just plain bad planning. it made much more sense to just take a break and continue when you felt better. in fact, he was in dire need of a caramel latte and a pastry right now, do you want anything?
and after that it just... sort of falls into place. you're more relaxed around him. and the others, too, but he's the only one that really gets it. doesn’t make a whole thing out of it when you need to sit down for a moment or take a break while your pain killers kick in. he's just there.
he knows what it's like, and that feels like an invisble curtain lifted from between you and him, and it's just easy. you don't have to pretend you're doing better than you actually are and he doesn’t hide it when he's in pain, either.
most people don't see it, but there's a mutual understanding there; yeah, sometimes life sucks and sometimes you're in pain and no it's not fair that sometimes your body is falling apart and life just keeps going. you can't do all the things you want to do but you still have to show up for the other life-stuff and if you took a day off every time you felt bad you would never get anything done and it just never stops.
but sometimes there's someone who'll sit through it with you without judgement. offer a warm drink and a snack and some understanding.
#scribbles#yes i did write this while waiting for my pain killers to kick in what about it#it works. you know i'm right#viktor arcane x reader#viktor x reader#viktor arcane
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tw: self-harm reference
--
Lucy notices.
Scratches, he says when she asks, nothing to worry about. But Tommy Kinard gets them after every off day. Arms, usually. He says he accidentally got cut doing some DIY at home.
Not that it's any of her business, but one night after Tommy leaves, turning down invitations for after-shift drinks, Lucy thinks she needs to step in. He looks a little strange, enough that her spider sense tingles.
"Hey."
"Hey Buckley, Lucy here. Is, uh, is Tommy going over to your place?"
Buck laughs, a short bark that sounds bitter. "Why would he? There's nothing he wants here."
"Buck, what are you saying?"
"We broke up forty-three days ago," Buck says, and hangs up.
That's over a month, and Tommy hasn't breathed a word. Lucy sighs and rolls her eyes, then tells Gus she's not going out for drinks either.
---
When she gets to Tommy's place, she wonders how to broach the subject. She dawdles long enough in her car that Tommy opens the front door and jerks his head, inviting her inside.
She goes, sucking on her tongue, wishing it didn't have to be her. But if not her, then someone else, someone who might report to the higher-ups.
"Hey. What's with the stalking?" Tommy asks. He presses the time for the microwave. There's a new bandaid near the crook of his left elbow.
She sticks her hands in her jeans pockets. "You're hurting yourself."
Tommy goes very still. She counts; it takes about three to four breaths before he shakes his head. "I'm alright. It's just a minor scratch."
"Every day for the past forty-three days?" She steps closer. "I called Buck."
"So you know."
"You're hurting yourself. Did he - was he the one to call it off?" Judging by the way Buckley spoke, she's reasonably sure it wasn't him, which means it has to be this self-martyring idiot who pulled the plug. But she has to make sure, in case she kicks the wrong ass.
Tommy shakes his head. "I... I didn't want him to feel obligated to stick with his first man. And he would've. He deserves better than me."
Lucy rolls her eyes and kicks him lightly on the seat of his pants. "You're an idiot."
"Yeah, I know. I should never have let him talk me into trying-"
"No, I meant the break up!" Lucy blows out a long breath. "Fuck. you know what, it's been a long shift, my words are not making sense in my head, but I am gonna stay here tonight and you - you will explain yourself in the morning, and if I'm not 100% satisfied that the reasons are valid or that the obstacles you've imagined cannot be overcome, I am dragging you to Buckley's and you will fucking grovel for forgiveness."
Then she goes to him and throws her arms around him, hugging him tightly. He tenses, and then relaxes into her embrace.
"I'm your friend, you bloody moron," she whispers. "You shoulda told me. I would've given you enough tequila to drown an elephant, and I wouldn't even take a photo of you crying like a baby." She presses her cheek against his. "No more careless scratches, okay? I like my friends in one piece."
#tommy kinard#lucy donato#friendship fic#self-harm reference#there's people in his corner too#and yes she will make him grovel and beg for buck's forgiveness#it'll be a whole production
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Polls and Explanations
The tourney is over, and it's been a lot of fun! Especially for me, who got to see all the comments everyone left.
One recurring question I got (other than "Why would you pit two bad bitches against each other;" sir, this is the "pitting two bad bitches against each other" blog) was why I matched things up as they did. For example, putting Wind Waker up against Breath of the Wild in round one, when that seems like a final battle sort of deal.
There are two things that have always bothered me about poll tourneys.
Overwhelmingly, the results are dominated by "which is more recognizable" rather than "which is better." Just about everyone in the Zelda fandom has played Breath of the Wild, so it would outcompete almost everything based on sale numbers, which was boring and predictable.
The first few rounds never seemed to MEAN anything.
Number 1 was easy enough to fix: just add in options for "I haven't played these" and specify that you want answers from someone who's played both, and boom! You get informed opinions on which is better.
2, though, was more of a problem.
See, the way most brackets are engineered is to build up FOR that final battle. You want a clash of the titans as your finale! You want the biggest and baddest to have to claw their way to victory! You want your favorite game to have the highest kill count!
Which means your first round pits those titans against small competitors that never stood a chance, just to get them out of the way. With the exception of meme entries, nothing ever comes from that.
Of course Breath of the Wild would blow Cadence of Hyrule out of the water.
Of course the Oracles games wouldn't stand up to something like Skyward Sword.
None of these polls answer any questions. They're just obligatory so the match can get to that final battle without complaints.
Wanting to avoid that, the way I approached this bracket was a bit different. Instead of guessing at which would be the most popular and reverse-engineering that epic showdown, I wanted to match like with like.
So I made something to test the waters:
Without an explanation attached, this one made a lot of people mad! Why was I separating Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom, which shared a map, but not Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask, which were vastly different games?
I didn't have enough poll options to do every single game, so I had to mix. And the mix was strategic:
Most games on here that are paired together share fans. For example, the majority of Ocarina of Time players either like or are ambivalent towards Majora's Mask, while a VAST majority of Breath of the Wild players take issue with the story of Tears of the Kingdom. If I grouped BotW with TotK, I wouldn't be able to get a read on how many people loved TotK, because BotW would be so overwhelming.
I'd seen about equal fandom obsession with Twilight Princess and Skyward Sword, or with Phantom Hourglass and Spirit Tracks, so I could take their result and divide it by half.
Anyone who didn't fit either of these criteria got grouped together as best as I knew how. Wind Waker and Minish Cap are both full of whimsy. Tri Force Heroes, Cadence of Hyrule, and Hyrule Warriors are all different gameplay loops than the standard Zelda, and are (at least honorary, in TFH's case) spin-offs.
This poll gave me good data. There was about an equal level of interest between Four Swords and Echoes of Wisdom. Minish Cap probably made up a very small percentage of Wind Waker votes, so it would have to fight its way up through smaller guys. Something BIG would have to go up against Breath of the Wild to have a fighting chance.
With all that in mind, I started hammering out what the polls would be. I wanted each one to
Be paired with something that had a similar level of interest
Answer a question or sate a curiosity
That way, hopefully, they'd be neck-and-neck, and I'd get some good opinions out of the people who voted one or the other.
So, with all that in mind: here's my thought process when making this tourney, step by step. You might have to click to be able to read it all.
So...what now? A loser's bracket? A re-do with different matchups?
Not exactly.
I'm going to make a separate post on that. Rest assured, though, this tournament is far from over.
This was just the first run.
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Just a mad idea(when it comes to Sonic 3)
I know a lot of people are wondering if there will be any references to Either John wick, Speed or the matrix...
But here's a clever idea..
What if they reference the movie
Point Break.
Hear me out!
For those who know..you'll get where I'm coming from..those who are unsure but have heard of it
There's a bit where Keanu's character is chasing down this one guy and he was going to make the shot..but hesitants because he knows the guy and once the guy escapes, Keanu's character gets frustrated and starts to fire his gun up at the air going
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(You've probably seen it being mentioned in Hot Fuzz)
Now here's an interesting idea
What if they reference that in a way...maybe a little bit differently but you can see it in a way..(to see if they're clever enough to notice it)
Maybe a while after Sonic tried to talk to Shadow and try to reason with him (but you know Shadow being too hellbent)
But once Sonic and the others were going to escape to the "next level"
Shadow would see them and would try to take a shot at them all so they don't..but the second Sonic looks back like he's sensing that something is off and would stay behind for a moment until his friends go in the portal...(think of the first movie at the beginning in a way)
Shadow would charge up his energy ready to fire a Chaos spear and catch him off guard by hitting Sonic with it
But before he could...Shadow felt the urge...to hold back his fire..because the fact that Sonic stayed behind for a moment..arms ready like he was ready to go down fighting if it means to protect knuckles,tails..or even Maddie and Tom..That made Shadow hesitant...giving him certain memories that gave him deja vu.
Shadow wants to take him down right there and now...because he did said perviously
"We are Not the Same, I am Nothing like you"
But is that entirely true?
But once Sonic gets called to hurry in..sonic shakes his head and goes in before seeing Shadow in the dark..looking at him before the portal closes as he continues forward..
Leaving Shadow...on His own....he stood there..confused on WHY he didn't do it,
WHY did he stop himself,
That confusion would then become fustration and he would fire his energy and destroy the nearest thing..like a rock or a tree or even a abandoned vehicle or a nearby lake (I dunno) and yell out of anger over the fact that he couldn't actually do it...not after seeing Sonic like that... being protective and willing to put himself at risk in order to protect his friends and family..
Almost like him..
But hey, that is just my theory..what do you think?
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CAUSE THIS IS THRILLER (bark), THRILLER (bark) NIGHT
Usopp's outfit is so funny for reals
He got the whole squad laughing
Luffy enablers at it again.... (Robin.... I know.....)
The humor panels so far have been so good!!! God this arc is so funny
HE SAID IT‼️‼️
They look like birds 😭😭
It's just too good... luffy taking cerberus and zombies what can't he do
It's just banger after banger what can I say
Franky feeling for other people because of his guilt complex and sanji lying through his teeth and pulling out the women excuse to seem unaffected... yeah
Look at them.... look how they ate
Omg joyboy reference?? (No)
Sanji is rubbing off on usopp.... also chopper noticing that is sogeking's weapon akdhaksjak
ANOTHER SLAY!!!!!
Their priorities: I'm not strong enough, there isn't enough food, and nami isn't here
Franky going from wanting to kill brook for his jokes to making a joke like his after he hears his backstory... exactly (Robin was already enabling him before the backstory even fdagjsfha)
Sanji is altering his body and actually being on fire to communicate to us how fucking mad he is..... I need more of him going insane I do I do
My god what is he doing ALDJALAJALA
AHSAHAHQHAH THEY ARE THE SAME!!! naaah sanji wouldn't force a woman to be his wife
You cant see me but I am nodding my head in agreement over and over
You don't understand he altered his body to communicate to us how mad he is. He inploded himself and then reconstituted again. Those germa 66 genes are insane
You tell em usopp!!!! The first of many girls you've scared into defeat!!! Akdjqknql
Zoro zombie regressed to not trusting robin akdjaks he's still in there
ROBI-CHO SUPLEX??? HELL YEAAAAAH
There is zosa- [GUNSHOT GUNSHOT GUNSHOT GUNSHOT]
Super frapper gong.... he is doing combo shots with frobin... omg.... parents....
Everything is so fun I'm having such a good time reading.... and then zosan angst like damn I am being fed well here
#in the anime the guys didn't say they wanted to die aldjlajala for the kids luffy just wants to turn into a clam#thriller bark is so funny.... 'worst arc' my ass.... it's funny as hell and then we get zosan angst. best thing ever#same with skypiea but there we got really nice relationships betwen characters and nolan x calgara homoeroticism for the ages#and LORE for the ages. not like the kuma incident won't be talked about in the history books but yeah#everyone calling absalom perv salom... yeah#sanji in that fucking penguin never gets old.... also HELLO LOLA#moira fought against kaido and lost akdjsksnks is that why he became a warlord? just like whitebeard defeated crocodile?? out of spite??#also what is the land of ice where moira got oars? he also mentioned it before too... i thot he was referring to ryuma so it was wano but n#the legend of the continent puller who built a nation of villains.... okay okay oars....#oars was killed 500 years ago.... ✍️✍️ this somehow feels important bc of its closeness to the void century etc#zombie luffy oars wanting sanjis food.... 🚬🚬🚬 of course.....#oars luffy maintaining his dream... yeah yeah. also namis outfits for this arc are so sickening.... i miss them already#the zombie generals being at absalom's wedding... thats so funny..#luffy oars is so funny aldjslsn just making himself a hat and steering his giant ship... of course#you guys think they are going to make sanji mad about the clear clear fruit in the opla or completely ignore it bc his reasoning is bad#like it makes sense with the wci backstory it does but that would be spoilers lmao. so its either he wants to peep on women or nothing#i love the greek chorus of the two zombies telling the audience how they are both as bad in that regard. amazing#did ryuma use french for his attack.... there is zosan everywhere for tho-[GUNSHOTS]#zombie ryuma's design is also cool as hell.... his blood is literally fire.... come on now....#also zoro says he wants to act like this fight didnt happen... is that why he says fuck all in wano to hiyori? damn. he said i put shame#in you and your country but i will keep it quiet bc you gave me a cool sword and fight and i am actually so honorable. thats him yeah...#zombie zoro and sanji remaining tfait being that they hate (love fighting) each other... there is zosa-[GUNSHOT GUNSHOT GUNSHOT]#i forgot how much oars destroyed them... after enies lobby they seem untouchable but without their captain there... the gears are turning..#also btw i cannot believe im gonna get an answer about why the skypieans and the shandians have wings. thats insane#i am enjoying luffy oars so much it is so fun. trying to enjoy it bc i know i won't be laughing anymore once sabaody kicks in.... fuck me..#usopp and franky wanting to wait for luffy to beat oars down but zoro and sanji know... and they will KNOW soon enough....#i forgor kuma asked about ace to nami... what is going on. kuma coming from the warlord meeting too.... did he want to warn him??#he wanted to inform moria about balckbeard becoming a warlord omg here we go.... also moria being racist towards kuma hello???#and he strictly follows the government.... until here bc he lets luffy go.... christ.... he asks about ace bc he knew what blackbeard did..#reading one piece
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Absolutely the funniest thing about my current corner of tumblr is that pretty much everyone I've recently followed for Apollo-Appreciating Purposes are either genuinely Hellenist or just rather very into Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series which is wild because I know a net zero about both of those things.
#I've never been interested in Riordan's work and the Percy Jackson books I did read as a young lad didn't change my mind on that topic#Growing up I preferred a very one or the other method for my greek adaptational content#which essentially means either you're a play or an adaptation of a legit story or myth with recogniseable figures and plotpoints#or you're an original story with mythical elements but the myths and the adaptations and interpretations of those myths is secondary#Percy Jackson did both and it was very disorienting for me because the books were well grounded enough that when I came into contact#with some element I didn't recognise or couldn't remember I myself would get confused and go “Is that true? like really?? :0c”#Then I ran a library book club and Percy Jackson books were p much all the kids wanted to read#but they rejected all of my supplementary greek myth exercises and got a lot of stuff mixed around#because percy jackson does a rather good job of making a convincing argument that it knows its stuff and people will quicker cite that#than do readings of the much more difficult older texts and translations of text#It's not Percy Jackson's fault it's just a bad experience that stuck with me and by extension leaked over into Trials of Apollo when that#was released#Trials of Apollo was crazy because I generally make it my business to consume any and all greek myth interpretational media that bothers#to include Apollo (there is a shockingly low amount of things that do that)#however a LOT of novels especially never let Apollo retain the dignity of a god in their portrayals of him#and have him resemble a teenager more than anything even remotely close to an adult#I had just gotten finished reading a novel adaptation of the story of Coronis and Apollo with this same issue#so when I opened the first volume of ToA and saw that Apollo simply genuinely WAS a teenager#Frankly I just closed the book and put it back on the bookstore shelf and very calmly walked away LMFAO#I have nothing to say about Hellenists and neo hellenists y'all seem like wonderful people and I hope#you have a lovely time with your e-offerings and worship#unless you are my single personal friend with Apollo as your patron#then I wish you 1000 woes and 10000 divine brain blasts#toa#pjo#ginger rambles
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I just managed to get off mha hyperfixation
And now it's happening again... Oh no
Helps with upcoming MHUI LoV event tho, it was a long time since last one happened I wonder what would happen in a new filler story part
Basically this and couple of pages of mid-final arc chapters + recent episode and next one being The Dabi episode was just too much not to get excited again
But! Important thing - I need to reread the last arc before I make anything new, if possible without finishing it to the 419 chapter and everything after, it took 2 months to really recover from the damage that chapter did
Anyway am I ready for the new event? Kinda! Do I have enough gems to get new Tomura? No! I'm not sure he'll even show up this time, because other ones were and still are really stubborn
Also Steampunk recruit took like 120 pulls in a step-up recruit and in the usual one combined
Not the best time to get LoV involved, it's cruel even
Also that one part of the page I added at the beginning was so interesting to look at and them I joked about 236 being similar. The only good thing with final arc being over is that I can say that Izuku didn't draw the parallel of seeing everyone hurt and seeing Tenko react on Mon's death
Understandable why, but it's funny to just look at them and be like, "wow Horikoshi traumatized them both"
#bnha#mhui#morning thoughts#not art#tenko shimura#shigaraki tomura#izuku midoriya#midoriya izuku#Still trying to assure myself that it's okay to tag whatever with whatever#If I get into drawing Izuku and Tenko interacting again this post is why#I don't prefer shipping stuff aside from here and there but some of the relationships are so interesting to look at#Izuku and Tenko one is one of my favorites and when PLF arc ended with Izuku looking behind who Tomura was on the outside was...#I can't describe it because I was SURE it was never happening and then it did and almost 3 years after that we get the actual thing#And then boom it's over#I thing knowing that AFO shows up in the 418 ruined it for me I saw people trying to predict it and stuff#But I hoped it wasn't gonna happen but I didn't know what would the other option be#So I was in 'we'll see' mindset for months and I'm okay with the end result... Kinda#It hurts really badly if I turn to my actual emotions#I was just thinking one day and while reading stuff decided to punch a pillow and suddenly it's like some wall broke and it hurt#It hurts now too actually just writing this#I thought because I wasn't processing this the way most people I saw in the fandom did with all of the hating on Horikoshi and stuff#AND hating on Izuku too!#I was either broken or a strange one even to the part of the fandom I tried to join for the first time in ages#While people were clinging to anything to keep deluding themselves that Tomura is alive#Or being openly angry on Twitter#It all was on Twitter actually because I have no power to really change what it shows if I don't just “ignore” every single person there#I tried drawing through it but I slowly hit burnout with drawing absolutely nothing#I'm a bit better now and I tried different things instead so it's alright still a bit... Too much all at once since I had irl stuff too#I'm glad that I'm not known enough to be pressured about anything since I pressure myself enough already
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So, theoretically, what I should do is wait until a day where I am not tired and then consume a large amount of caffeine and see what effect, if any, that has. Unfortunately I do not recall a single day in the past several years in which I have not been tired, so my control would be too out of whack for this to be a reliable experiment. But is there an opposite effect I can try instead? Are there any easily obtainable depressants other than alcohol out there??
#alcohol does not count bc it doesn't make you sleepy#weed isn't possible for me to get here at least not easily#does thc have the same effect??#but that did nothing for me either so either I just didn't have enough or it doesn't work well enough to matter#are there any other non prescription options???#ash.txt#is this even how it works. I assume so and I am always right sooo#drugging myself for. science ✨
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breakups are so fucking weird. three years and just like that it's gone. huh
#helix.txt#gross i ended up spilling my guts in tags. look at them fucking writhing on the floor all bloody#dont rb please#vent#to quote fall out boy i knew it was over i just didn't know the date#yeah that's it. fall out boy can fix this.#i will feel better if i go listen to bang the doldrums#and infinity on high in general#and folie a deux. folie a fucking deux how i love that album#my chem will make me better. gerard way save me#god what a weird feeling. you used to know me better than any other person but then you moved hundreds of miles away and it worked#for a while. then two years later you said it wasnt working and that this was best for both of us. guess i never got the memo for that one#hope we treat other people better because i wasn't as kind as i should have been towards the end and you were never as thoughtful or con-#-siderate as i needed towards the end. we grew apart because you're bad at keeping contact over messaging#and in some ways the cracks in the foundation that grew from that were my fault too i guess. our conversations always felt one sided#maybe i was smothering you#you could never seem to keep more than a passing recollection of the things i liked or even pay much attention to them#but i wasn't great about that either#we just became different people. you weren't what i wanted or needed and you couldn't do long distance. whatever#i know it was the right thing i just wish it hadn't made me feel so damn awful#will we still talk after this? who knows. we didn't end on bad terms but things are definitely weird#and considering your track record with people you can only talk to online i'm not optimistic#you tried to break things off initially by saying you'd said you would improve in the past with nothing to show for it#something i didn't disagree with but i said it didn't bother me much. and it didn't#but it's complicated now. i did deserve better. but you made it clear i'm not getting it from you#you weren't as present or thoughtful as i needed#i wasn't there in person the way you needed and certainly not as considerate as i should have been. and for that second part i'm truly sorr#anyways. sorry. i'd been thinking about it for a long time anyway. i didn't want to admit it because i didn't like to think#about what it might bring. maybe i should have been braver#right. that's enough
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Currently feeling like a #girlboss because I'm drawing Mrs. Lovett after I broke things off with a hot doctor on Bumble lmao
#we just did not have chemistry#I gave him enough of a chance#he kissed me last week and I felt nothing lmao#he didn't seem too upset by this either so#I made the right decision#man was either inept at dating or not really into me#I don't care which because he was kinda bland#anyway my Mrs. Lovett is in mechanical pencil#but she looks pretty good!#personal
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i just finished saw v and i don't have high hopes for the rest of the franchise (based on what ive heard) but im in too deep to stop now
#no i haven't enjoyed the last two no i don't expect to get much out of the next five or so movies. but i need to know.#i guess saw v mightve suffered bc i watched it basically immediately after iv#something i didnt do with any of the others#but i was told v was one of the good ones so i was looking forward to it. i dont think it was burnout yknow#but uh. i didn't like it. i think i liked iv more honestly. strahm and hoffman do absolutely nothing for me#i liked the traps. that was it though#it felt so pointless and empty. it was the first one where i genuinely wondered why they made it. why did they decide to keep going with#this. i think ii and iv both function more/better as setup for their following films but like. at least iii was pretty good yknow#like both amanda and hoffman's accomplicing feels kinda retconned in but at least amanda's an interesting character#what does hoffman have. what does strahm have. nothing. and no i don't think they have much in the way of homoeroticism either.#i don't tend to be so negative and im sorry if someone goes in the saw tags and feels bad about me talking shit about something they like#because i know that doesn't feel good. honestly i'd love to hear why people like v. maybe it'll change my opinion of it if i look at it a#different way yknow? but for now im just annoyed by it. iv was engaging in the moment but very forgettable#i liked riggs well enough but we barely learned a thing about him. he wasn't a deep character at all and i think that's a shame#but v was just a paperwork-based cat and mouse chase. 90 minutes and it still felt like they were wasting my time#why did strahm go to the old trap locations? i don't think he found anything out there. likr it was just a framing device for the flashback#but he didn't actually have a reason to go there. waste of my time#not an original critique im sure but saw ii on seems to be more focused on scale and layers of shit (i.e. having two games going at once)#than using the traps to examine the characters. i mean you go from two guys in a bathroom for a couple hours#learning about who they are gradually at a slow pace vs like 8 people in a house plus cop stuff plus 90 second traps of dubious fairness#hoffman has no real relationship with kramer (unlike amanda) and basically everyone who'd been following jigsaw is dead and so are jigsaw#and (presumably) amanda. what am i supposed to be here for? the vague outline of a saw trap? the type of torture happening?#im not even opposed to that per se but frankly the more they focus on the cops surrounding this shit the less fun it is#why are you making all the traps like 15 seconds long and tied to characters who aren't the primary focus. it's saw#ughh i miss adam. i miss amanda. hell i miss kramer and he was pretty present in this one (flashbackwise)#whateverrr. anyway that poll comparing chainshippng shotgunnshippng and coffinshippng where shotgun was last? lesbophobic.#im only half joking about that. im sure ppl have their reasons for coffin but i also think it's the tendency fandom bias for “two white guy#ships. but hey maybe vi and onwards will add more context to that that'll make me reconsider. i mean i wouldn't have liked the amanda#accomplice thing That much if i'd only seen ii. i think iii really makes it mesh better and it leads to fun character stuff#(though i still think i would've liked it more bc like. amanda was always grateful to jigsaw right? again hoffman comes outta nowhere)
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ok realizing that all my shows lately are pretty much about soccer and/or murder but i would just like to say as a Soccer Girl from a Soccer Family with a Soccer Dad, if you are a television writer/director/producer/actor and you didn't play soccer, please for the love of god make sure that SOMEONE is analyzing the frame to make sure nobody's offsides. please. please i am begging you. also yellowjackets if your players aren't immediately running back to your keeper on the third whistle (OF A CHAMPIONSHIP NO LESS) then what kind of fucking team are they. yeah sure ok they eat each other. fine. BUT THEY WOULD HAVE GONE TO GET THEIR FUCKING KEEPER
#even my team did that for me and my coach did NOTHING to encourage it because i wasn't good enough for him and he didn't take me seriously#as a keeper or a player or a fucking captain#he was obsessed w my co-captain even though she was 0% committed#literally we would plan captains' practices over the summer and she wouldn't fucking show up to them#which meant nobody else did either because she was literally captain bc she was popular and influential#and a ranked lacrosse player who basically just played soccer to stay fit in the off season but was therefore v athletic#like not particularly good at soccer but fast and coachable which served the team v well#espec we were like the only two senior starters who had been starters as juniors#but the point is she didn't CARE. i cared SO MUCH#but i was also having an Intense Personal Crisis senior season so of course he didn't take me seriously. whatever. it's fine#(i'm clearly still bitter but like. the point is that i was a SOCCER GIRL do NOT piss me off)
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Tired but thinking too much to sleep. Ramble about nothing in particular below. Mind the trigger tags .
#negative#suicidal ideation#I'm. Tired#I really. Don't wanna be alive too much anymore#Don't wanna do it myself either.#Just kinda hoping I die in my sleep or something I guess#I can feel both my physical and mental health deteriorating each and every day#And I don't even have insurance anymore#I'm not motivated to do anything#Everyone's like hey as long as you're taking steps that's progress!#I'm not even doing that. I'm not even trying#Not because I don't want to. I do#I'm not motivated enough. I so badly wish I was#And I can't go to therapy about this. When I was young enough for it to fall onto my parents they did nothing about it#And now it falls onto me. And I can't do anything about it#It feels like I was set up for failure#I barely made it out of high school#I don't know how to drive. I'm scared to learn#In too much pain for most jobs around here that pay well#And too much of an emotional wreck for those that don't#I'm not gonna do anything. I promise#I just wish I didn't wake up.
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One day (when I've slept enough to both remember enough to make all of my points and be coherent) I'll explain what I meant when I joked about Sophie being worse
#about me#bc i do have Thoughts. and also i did Not mean that negatively lmfao#i love women who are worse! she is not even the worst character i've stanned#arguably that award goes to melanie cavill#but it's not Negative and it sure as hell does NOT mean that i think that nate isn't also deeply deeply flawed#or that she corrupted him somehow#enabled him sometimes? yeah. but he was already either Like That or on the path to being Like That#but like i said that meme works both ways and that's why they work#i will also elaborate on what i mean by that when i'm not so exhausted#she's his compass. she didn't intend to make him worse nor did she#she made him better. he made her better. they balance each other as much as they clash with one another#anyways all of my reasoning for why i felt like i could say she's worse for that meme#do not even have to do with nate lmfao#when i make this post tho i will be Open to civil debate for people to share their povs of why they don't think the same way#that's kinda the other reason why i'll make it though#bc i did Not spend enough time on that meme to be more than mildly irritated by some of the commentary#but i also don't want it totally derailed when i think it's def smth that could be an interesting discussion to be had#and i'll gladly host that discussion when i'm not dying of sleep deprivation#i just wanna give it its own platform y'know?#i don't want it to get lost on a silly little meme#but anyways it's also like#his influence did make her better and hers made him somewhat better too#but in his case her influence more like. balanced him. than anything else#bc he got worse and worse and it had Nothing to do with her#but she was still the one yanking him back from the edge of no return#and i suppose in a way that does inherently make her better#but again when i made that meme and said she was worse i was not even thinking in terms of her actual relationship to nate#as what made her worse lmfao#more along the lines of the collateral damage mostly done by charlotte prentice#and specifically to william and astrid
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afab!reader, no prns, praise, edging, wet&messy, könig using ur clit as a fidget toy <3
könig, a trained lethal soldier, who suffers from anxiety. you would never know if you didn't know what you were looking for.
his biggest tell, for you, is the way he fidgets. with you.
you're like his own personal little fidget toy. his hands are always on you, kneading and squeezing your skin. most times you don't mind, you rather like having him touching you — your thighs, your waist, your butt, wherever he can get his hands honestly.
but sometimes...his hands wander. it's mindless, truly.
his eyes fixated on the tv playing some random show he decided he wanted to watch. but you couldn't pay attention, not when one big hand was shoved up your shirt groping your breasts and the other was haphazardly stuffed into your sleep shorts and under your panties.
he's toying with you so mindlessly, callused fingers sliding over your clit that has grown increasingly slippery with how wet you've become. occasionally he dips down to prod at your slick entrance.
his movements have no rhyme or reason. he's not even moving very fast. just sloppy back and forth flicks and occasionally he simply taps his fingers against the little bud that has grown so sensitive from his playing. sometimes, when something interesting happens on tv, he stops completely until the desire the fidget returns to him.
you're sitting with your back against his chest, situated between his spread legs sprawled cozily on the couch. he can't see the heated, dazed look on your face from the come-and-go pleasure he inadvertently gives you. he's edging you without even realizing it, full attention still focused on the damn tv. he isn't even hard.
that thought alone is enough to make you clench around nothing. he's really just playing with you like a little toy and that thought is so hot to you. it makes you cheeks burn in embarrassment as you continue to leak into your panties.
if you listen close you can hear with wet clicking noise that comes with his movements. your eyes roll back in your head as that sound alone has your back arching but you quickly settle yourself down, not wanting to tear his attention from the tv — he so rarely had time to settle down and just enjoy tv, you didn't want to disturb him.
the episode he's watching ends and you cast a hopeful glance up at him but he's waiting for the next episode to start and it makes you whine against your own wishes. but your clit is so hard and twitchy from being edged that it's actually hurting and you're so wet now that your panties are uncomfortably sticky.
it's your whine that gets his attention, pretty blue eyes flicking down to your face where he finally sees the desperate way you're looking at him, teary eyes and swollen lips from biting them to keep quiet. you can see in his eyes when he registers how soaked you've gotten his fingers and he has the audacity to look sheepish.
"ah, my sweet..." he whispers, ears tinged pink, "i-i'm sorry, i did not realize..."
he moves to pull his hand out of your panties and you whine again, grabbing his wrist with both hands to stuff him back down. your nails bite into his skin and he stops trying to pull away, instead pushing his hand back down and it's then that he fully resisters how wet you are.
"don't stop, please...i-i've been so close..." you pitifully beg and he takes pity on you. how precious of you, he thinks.
"i'm sorry, my love," he coos, fingers starting to work once again — properly this time with quick little circles on your clit, "i'll make you cum for being so good for me."
you can't even formulate words, instead nodding and spreading your legs even further apart, your feet on either side of his legs. he hums softly in your ear, chin hooked over your shoulder as he watches his hand move under the fabric of your shorts.
he spreads your sticky folds apart and begins to swirl messily around your clit, occasionally lightly tapping against the bud just to watch the cute way your thighs twitch at the feeling. you reach back and clutch his t-shirt in your fists to ground you. his cock throbs, churning up quickly, at the loud, wet noise of him playing with your cunt.
it doesn't take long at all before your stiffening against him and twitching in his lap as you cum with a cute little gasp of his name. he moans softly in your ear as he feels your clit throb under the pads of his fingers. you let out the loveliest moans that has his cock hardening fully against his thigh.
when you slacken against his body, aftershocks making you twitch periodically as you pant, he's tempted to stop but the fact you had sat there so sweetly and let him practically torture you while he watched his show made him want to make it up to you.
he sees the excitement in your eyes when his fingers dip lower and begin to press into you and he can't believe just how sweet you are. your so sticky and wet with the amount of cum he worked out of you with such ease.
"let me really make it up to you, my little one..."
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