#but that also means he has to swim in the sea of their gay bullshit

[viktortittiforov]

oh my GOD!!!!!! i feel like you reached into my brain and extracted it straight from there like it's one of those claw machines. perfect representation of my mental image 🤌🤌

@fishshit @ectobiologay I gotchu

Yakov having war flashbacks when Yuuri recreates the Judas exhibition a decade later

Judas exhibition illustration

Original prompt

[centrally-unplanned]

Richard Hanania is one of my poster child writers for the "he is an complete idiot and also very smart" genre. I disagree with him on virtually everything, particularly core beliefs, but he nonetheless is an actual critical thinker who will come up with and explore interesting ideas, and so he is valuable to follow for exposure to good discussion from a world you are otherwise not gonna touch (and for a good laugh the other half of the time).

This is definitely one of those posts - the US right (not that the left is immune to this by any stretch, this is just about the right) is so infused with an instinct towards perpetual victmization that it becomes easy to buy into their own framing that the Right has been losing front after front in the culture war. This is the foundational premise of The Cathedral, the Moldbug-coined New Right tenet that "Cthulhu Always Swims Left" aka the left's structural advantage in controlling ~institutions~ means that in status-quo modernity culture will shift left over and over, endlessly...and therefore you need to violently overthrow the state and purge the corrupt neoliberal bureaucratic order to realize the will of the silent volke embodied in a CEO-Monarch to turn back the tide. Anyway, Hanania does a good job of pointing out that its really kinda bullshit. Tons of our culture has turned right over the past decades; gun control, education, and economics are the big topics that he mentions, and of course more exist, and its been a result combinations of public opinion shifting and the power of the state implementing agendas, aka normal politics.

Some of this is a bit of an overstatement - victories on like abortion for example haven't shifted minds, but instead exploited the US's ludicrous legal system to back-door legislative reform through the courts, its not a replicable experience in many other contexts or any other country. But the point overall stands, which gestures at the real problem - the only topic where the New Right's analysis 'holds up' is onthe sexual revolution and queer rights, revealing a movement irrationality obsessed with the sex front of the culture war. Here Hanania stumbles into his stupidity on why the right hasn't been successful fighting this, not really grappling with the fact that for example gay marriage is just really popular, this is a bottom-down fundamental sea change in how people view sex and society's role in policing it.

The mistake The Cathedral devotees make in analyzing society is that they take a single sip from a branch of the river of History and assume they have drunk it dry; Society swam left from 1950 to 1980, and the New Right cannot help but obsess endlessly over that transition as The Future. Note how common this is - so many people harken to "the 1950's" as the steady-state idyll of American society, the American economy, identify as 'traditional' everything from holiday songs to food recipes that were all invented around this time and have no older origin than that. Its all myths, and The Cathedral is an extension of that trend - by identifying US society in 1950 as a centuries-old continuity of tradition, it sees the changes of the ensuing decades as a radical discontinuity, and therefore a terrifying new normal.

It is wrong the same way nostalgia-memes are wrong; history never had a steady state, and people's ideas of even the 1950's themselves are primarily myth. Turns out historical conceptions of queer relationships have varied widly across time and space - none have been as progressive as today, but societally sanctioned spaces for queer relationships are legion. There has never been a steady state on sex and society.

But! Modernity *is* different from the past, and certain things have changed irrevocably - there is a verison of The Cathedral that is true. Technology & economic development have radically changed how we lived, from a society of farmers and their rulers to a society of urban professional workers. Cultural norms around sex & society varied all over the place; but (to radically simplify, there are a bunch of other factors) marriage for children to work the farms was near-universal, it was a structural necessity culture was built upon. This was a harsh limiter on sexual norms - said marriage for children needed to undergird it. That limiter is gone, forever, today. To not dive into it because its not the focus, with the limiter gone I don't think the 'sexual revolution', feminism, and queer rights is going to revert in a major way in the future.

Which will permit the right, as long as it stays maniacally obsessed with the idea that people don't have 1950's sexual morality anymore, to claim that they Always Lose. This is why Hanania stumbles, making the opposite mistake - seeing the failure to fight the sexual revolution as just a failed southern offensive in comparison to a successful northern attack on the front of education. The real trap is to not understand that culture is not freely malleable, only some of it is 'up for grabs' from the perspective of activists. Within the new status qup equilibrium of modernity, shifts right and left are not only possible but inevitable - but the rules of game have to be understood. Hanania may have only gotten halfway there, but props to him for opening my eyes to the contradiction.

[sylverstorms]

Fantasy Cruise

This piece is made for a very special someone, @standoutofthecrowd as a gift. The characters in this story are original and do not belong to any fandom. If you give it a read, I hope you enjoy ❣

Warning! The rating of this is M for Mature themes. ;)

They called it the Fantasy Cruise.

The hyper-luxurious ship of not-so innocent dreams, which promised to make anyone’s fantasies a reality during its five-day trip across the Mediterranean.

Well. So long as the money was there for an individual to afford one of its limited, mind-boggingly expensive tickets. Whoever said dreams were cheap clearly hadn’t heard of that cruise.

The advertisements all over the world promoted the experience as ‘starring in a romance movie’. And wouldn’t anybody be excited to star in their very own epic adventure?

“No.” Quinn deadpanned, dragging her luggage behind as she followed Lena into the fifth circle around the same deck, where their cabins were supposed to be.

“What do you mean no, stupid, isn’t this amazing?!” the other girl asked excitedly.

Quinn wondered what exactly was so amazing about getting lost on a piece of wood floating into the vast blue sea. Her glare met Lena’s back without much of an impact.

“No means no. It’s fine at best.”

“Don’t be a spoilsport, Quinn! Just look at this!” the redhead said, turning around to throw an arm around her shoulders and motion towards the polished-to-a-sparkle saloon, as if that would change the brunette’s entire worldview. “I won us free holidays to the world’s sexiest cruise. You should be beside yourself with excitement right now and buying me a shit ton of drinks as thank you!”

Quinn shook her head. “Correction; You won a trip for you and Mike –but then you had to go and break up and drag me into this, at the last moment.” As always. The woes of being a best friend.

“Because your single ass could really use what this dreamy ship has to offer.” Lena stated.

“It could also use some rest and relaxation at my grandparents’ seaside house.” The brunette countered. “Instead of being the wingwoman to the universe’s most annoying redhead.”

Lena grimaced. “And a sucky wingwoman, at that. Most of the guys I’m interested in come onto you.”

“Except I’m a tad too gay to care.” Quinn let out a small, exasperated sigh.

“Well, then this cruise is your chance! There are a ton of girls here and I can guarantee they aren’t straight as arrows, hon.” Lena replied. “Tell you what. When we find our rooms, we’ll take a look around. And if nobody exists to catch the great Quinn’s interest, I’ll leave you alone for the rest of the trip.”

Quinn’s brown eyes immediately lit up at the sound of that.

“I should be offended at how much you perked up just now.” The other girl commented. “But, anyway. Do we have a deal?”

They shook hands. “We got a freaking deal.”

It only took another hundred turns to find their respective rooms.

…

Quinn was no stranger to waiting for Lena to get ready. The woman could show up anywhere from a quarter to an hour later than their arranged meeting time, so it was nothing out of the norm.

Alone in the empty corridor, Quinn checked her smartwatch, then leaned back against her door with a bored huff. She could already feel the ultra-comfy, queen-sized bed within calling her name, but if she gave into the urge to rest Lena would surely come in like the human wrecking ball she was and ruin it for her.

Giggles from down the corridor reached her ears, then.

Two girls were walking towards her, one raven-haired, the other blonde. Quinn didn’t really pay them any mind, until they were close enough to tell the cute laugh belonged to the blondie.

The stunning blondie.

Quinn hoped –but wasn’t betting on it— that she was subtle in her double-take. Because as soon as the beauty entered her field of vision, all else faded into the background. The girl’s hair was shining like silken strands, her pink lips glossy and glistening, absolutely kissable, her pretty face and killer body taken straight out of a dream.

Hazel eyes met brown for a single, earth-stilling second.

Then the girls were past her and Quinn blinked, checking the blonde’s back out before she disappeared around the next corner.

Damn, she thought. Maybe all that crap about fantasies coming to life weren’t complete bullshit, after all.

“Why do you look like a fish out of water?” Lena’s voice came, shattering the dream to pieces.

“Because I felt like one, waiting for your sorry ass to get ready. Move it or I’m going for a nap.”

“No, you’re not~ we’re hitting the pool.” Lena sing-songed.

Ugh. Maybe I can find someone to keep her busy for the next four days. Quinn thought. She’s happy, I’m free, win-win.

If she only knew…

…

“Hey. Hey look.” Lena whispered. Quinn huffed over her drink. “How about that guy? How would you rate him?”

“Why do you assume my answer’s gonna change? All guys get a zero out of ten from me. Period.”

“He’s an eight at least.”

“Sure, Lena.”

“How about that sexy over there, who’s been staring at your abs for the past ten minutes?”

“Hm?” Quinn turned, following her friends’ gaze under her glasses.

The drink nearly dropped from her hand when she saw the blonde from earlier on the other side of the crystalline pool, fair skin glittering from suncream. The brunette’s throat went dry.

“Ah, now she’s speechless.”

“Tsk. Don’t be an idiot, she’s probably not even gay.”

“Do you have eyes? Even I can tell she’s interested.” was the immediate reply.

“From this distance you couldn’t tell a dude apart from a girl, you idiot.” Quinn teased with a smirk.

“You’re the idiot if you don’t act fast and another girl chats her up first. Remember; We’re here to have a good time. Stop being uptight; There’s your good time, all blonde and waiting for you.”

“Yeah, yeah, Lena, whatever you say-” But her friend was already rising from her sunbed. Quinn didn’t pay her any mind, at first, thinking she was just going for a swim or for a guy that caught her eye.

Instead, five minutes later, much to Quinn’s terror, the insufferable redhead was taking a seat right beside the cute blonde.

To say the brunette rushed to the other side of the pool would be an understatement. She could not recall a single instance in her life where she ran faster. It was practically teleportation.

“Hello, girls. This one has had too much to drink so excuse me, I’m taking her away~”

“Lies, they needed to know you have the hots for blondie but you’re too pussy to make a move-” the redhead began.

Quinn covered Lena’s mouth with a hand, pulling her into a headlock with the other. “Shh, don’t listen. We’re leaving. Sorry for the interruption.”

“Sad.” Miss Cute Blonde spoke up with a shy smile. “So… you’re not interested in me.”

“I… did not say that.” Quinn replied, heart suddenly in her throat. “I also didn’t say I don’t want your number.”

“Oh, good.” Another darling smile.

God. Head empty, girl too pretty. Quinn mentally slapped herself to get her shit together. “And definitely didn’t say I don’t want to see you at the bar later. At, like, ten o’clock.” Thank whatever higher power graced me with this sudden bravery.

“Maybe I’ll be there.” The blonde said.

It was only after Quinn went back inside with her friend in tow that she realized she didn’t even ask for the girl’s name.

“You’re welcome.�� Lena laughed.

“Shut up…”

“You’re such a useless lesbian, by the way.”

…

Night had well settled over the ship. The massive pool at its pinnacle stood illuminated by both the moonlight and the soft LEDs within it, creating a beautiful setting, equal parts calming and seductive. Perfect for drinks and dates.

Quinn adjusted her blue button-up shirt as she walked out into the deck, greeted by the wonderful sight. There were tons of well-dressed people all around, but her eyes caught on one individual only.

“Hi.” She greeted, surprised she could speak at all, with the gorgeous blonde right there and dressed up just for her.

“Hey.”

“You look beyond beautiful. Only problem is, I can’t keep calling you ‘cute blonde’ in my head.”

“You look sexy. And you can call me Paisley, Quinn.” she replied in her sweet voice.

“You… know my name.” Don’t blush, don’t blush—

“I asked your friend.” came the shy admission.

“Yeah? What else did you ask about me?” Quinn smirked, slipping into the stool next to hers.

“Um… if you like girls…?”

“If I like you?” Feeling bolder, she raised a challenging eyebrow.

“If you like me…” Paisley chuckled there at the end. It was a sound that shot straight to Quinn’s heart.

And that– was worrying.

Because this was quite literally her dream girl in front of her... except she’d already paid the price of dreams, before. It had felt similar, then, since the first moment. A zap, undeniable attraction. An instant connection. And then… she’d been left bitter and alone.

Cold. Afraid to approach women for anything other than one quick, meaningless night.

“I think it’s quite easy to tell I do like you. A lot of things about you. Your hair, your eyes, your smile, that melodic voice. How come a girl like you is single? That’s a crime.”

“Um. Long story, I guess. How come a girl like you is?”

“Long, unhappy story.” Quinn grimaced.

“I have time.”

They ended up chatting the night away, until the small hours of the morning.

…

The deck had nearly emptied.

Paisley and Quinn were walking side-by-side, admiring the dark waves as they gently lapped at the stark white shell of the cruise. It was time to say goodnight, but both were hesitant to go. To break the moment. To lose the chance for more.

Slowly, they turned to face each other.

“I had a great time.” Quinn began. “Thanks for the amazing company.”

“No, thank you…”

Neither moved to leave. Instead, they gravitated closer. Perhaps it wasn’t a smart move. Perhaps it would only lead to more trouble in the end. Perhaps it was fated. Perhaps it was fleeting.

But.

Quinn knew she would regret it for her entire life if she let Paisley slip away without first knowing exactly how soft her lips would feel against her own.

“So…” She began. “In the hypothetical scenario I wanted to kiss you before we go… would you like that?”

A brilliant smile, enough to rival the moon in its shine. “Hypothetically… I would.”

No more needed to be said.

The lock of their lips spoke the rest for them. Slippery, soft, tasting of daiquiri and strawberry lipgloss, that kiss was everything.

That kiss was the beginning of everything.

…

A full day had passed and they spent every moment together.

Swimming, laughing, trading interesting little facts and life stories. Trading kisses. What they had was a bond that formed so suddenly yet so powerfully it defied even logic.

As love often did.

And it was love. They both knew it, instinctively. Perhaps they weren't ready to admit it, perhaps the word was scary to fully register, yet that didn't make it any less true.

Every kiss fed something more than desire. Every caress, over an arm, over the gentle curve of a neck or a thigh, carried more than a physical aftershock.

They both knew they were on the same page on what they wanted, come nighttime. It was a wonder they hadn't ripped each other's bathing suits right by the pool so far. But they could only play nice for so long.

Quinn could feel her skin alight with want at every wayward trail of Paisley's nails on her. She wanted to have everything with the girl, even if it was just for a few days, just for one unforgettable night. They could worry about the rest later. They were already in too deep, anyway.

Paisley's back pressed against the door to her room. Her mouth was already onto Quinn's, tongue over her own, soft sighs and breaths filling the nonexistent space between their bodies.

Quinn's hands slipped under the blonde's top, caressing her tight, quivering stomach.

“Ah, at this rate we'll never make it inside.” Paisley panted.

“Good. Then whoever comes this way will know you're mine to have.” Quinn replied. Her teeth caught the sensitive shell of an ear. “You'd like that, wouldn't you? For them to walk in on us like this? With my hand in your pants, rubbing you slowly?”

“Mmh.. Fuck...”

“With my fingers in your pussy, working deep?”

“Fuck Quinn...” Paisley groaned, pushing herself down on the thigh trapped between her legs. It only made the ache at her center worse.

Quinn couldn't help but rub herself against her, to ease her own lust. Their lips locked again while Paisley fumbled blindly for the electronic lock. It was a wonder they got the door to open with how focused they were on each other. Quick steps took them to the plush mattress at the far end of the room.

The brunette pushed gently, taking great pleasure in how easily her lover allowed herself to fall. Pale wrists were pinned onto the bed while thirsty tongues and bodies sought each other out...

But then they both pulled back. Paused. Stared into each other's eyes. The mood shifted like the wind before a storm. All the previous lust melted into something softer and far deeper, the urgency muted as they slowly started peeling each other's clothes off.

“You really are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.” Quinn whispered.

“You're the most stunning I've seen.” Paisley said back, a hand caressing her brunette's strong shoulders.

As much as she wanted to melt under the ministrations, Quinn wanted to bring her girl to that serrated edge of bliss, first. Thus began her descent down the marble plane of the blonde's neck, pausing to mark the skin with her teeth before soothing it with licks and kisses, enjoying every hitched breath she drew.

God, she feels so good...

With a light caress over Paisley's thigh, her mouth licked over a hard nipple, paying it the proper attention before moving further down. Her blonde was quivering by that point, non-verbally begging for her release. Every muscle taut, every breath shallow, eyes blown into swirling black pools. She was breathtaking.

Everything about the moment was.

When deft fingers finally dragged over soaked flesh, the reaction was as immediate as it was loud. Quinn decided she could easily get hooked on the sound and repeated the same motion with her tongue, from bottom to top.

She could feel in her mouth how ready to topple over the edge Paisley was for her. How she tried to last longer but couldn't help it. Quinn didn't think she could wait any longer, either. She needed to see her unravel more than she needed oxygen, right then.

With the insertion of fingers and a powerful suck, Paisley was crying out into the room, arching, clenching and contorting for her. Quinn, brought to the edge by her voice alone, couldn't help but grind down on her leg to mirror her release.

They both lay together after that, basking in the quiet closeness of their afterglow, hands roaming, worshiping, until the sunrise greeted them with its golden glory.

...

“I'm scared.” Paisley admitted between them. “That when the cruise ends, so will we. And I'm not ready to let this go tomorrow.”

“Neither am I. Not tomorrow. Maybe not ever.” Quinn said. “I haven't felt this way before. I don't generally feel things so... powerfully.” But this one slipped right under her defenses, somehow.

“But how will we make this work? You live here. I live on the other side of the world.” The blonde lowered her head, expression overtaken by sadness. “We'll just hurt to be apart.”

“We'll hurt, yes. But we won't 'just' hurt. Every relationship comes with pain— I think it's unavoidable, whether one’s partner is near or not. The question is, whether that pain is worth it. And I'd rather hurt yearning for you than for not having you at all.”

“I— I don't know what to say...” Paisley trailed off. “I only know I can't bear to lose you.”

“You won't lose me if you don't let me go. I will never abandon you, never let you face this shitty world alone.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.”

A promise sealed with a kiss and intertwined fingers below a gorgeous sunset.

And as it turned out, love can defeat any obstacle if it's real and true. Physical restrictions don't matter when it comes to what the heart needs. Distance bends before it. Even time can. Laws of physics and reason cease to apply.

The heart will love what it is meant to love.

[criesinauthor]

AQUAMARINE AU: THIS TIME I WATCHED IT

If this tastes familiar, I posted a bullshit version on my main ❤️ but here is the REAL DEAL Avatar the Last Airbender: Aquamairne AU

⁃ Azula and Zuko are spending their last summer on Ember Island

⁃ Azula is being begrudgingly clingy because it's their last summer together before Zuko starts working for their father's company and "leaves her just like their mother did >:("

⁃ Speaking of, in this verse their mother left on a ship during the last time they took a family vacation

⁃ A horrible storm happened and she was assumed lost at sea

⁃ Azula hates the ocean, Zuko hates thunder

⁃ Iroh runs a little beach shop with boba on Ember Island and he's living it up, we stan a king who minds his business and doesn't exploit the citizens he pillaged!

⁃ One night, a horrible storm happens while Azula is forcing Zuko to watch Jaws

⁃ She rags on him for being anxious and calls him a hypocrite

⁃ Even though she wishes for him to stay...

⁃ But the next day Azula falls into the pool and is CONVINCED she saw a fucking person

⁃ Then Jet the hot, piece of shit lifeguard (who broke her brothers heart 2 years ago but he is still morbidly fixated on) saves her ❤️

⁃ That night they return and there wasn't a person...there were two!!! and they're Mermaids

⁃ And they're fighting really loudly for two mythical creatures in the middle of a beach town

⁃ It's Sokka and Katara!

⁃ Sokka is in Love with Yue. He knows this because he is constantly people watching and has figured it out

⁃ and Katara has heard every last detail of it over the course of Her Entire Life

⁃ And honestly? She would like that for herself, please. No arranged marriage just because she's a "Princess" and love "isn't real."

⁃ She hates that shit!!!! She wants JUSTICE for aquatic women!

⁃ So she decided to go on land and prove it's real herself an impulsive Three Days before Yue's wedding

⁃ Sokka came with her because he is Annoying! And also fascinated with Humans. And also really wants her and Yue to be happy :)

⁃ which will not happen if his little sister fucks up because she hasn't put any research in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

⁃ So long story short, a storm swept them into this pool and they're arguing because Katara claims she's in love with "the seaweed mouth boy" and Sokka is like "katara love is more complicated than that" and she's like "but I can FEEL IT"

⁃ They stop dead in their fucking tracks when they realize Azula and Zuko have watched them the whole time

⁃ "Hello....Zuko here" Extends Gummy Worm

⁃ Azula is convinced they're crazy people and tosses it out of his hand which is fine and well because Katara Waterbends It The Fuck Back From Across the Pool

⁃ Which is enough proof for her they these are Real Mermaids From The Ocean SWIMMING in their uncle's POOL

⁃ But then the weird janitor boy who never talks and has Definitely killed a man (Longshot) comes out and they decide to book it

⁃ Next day they come back and uncle Drained the Fucking Pool which gives Zuko a minor heart attack and cracks Azula the fuck up despite her also being kind of worried.

⁃ But they hear muffled arguing from their uncle's boba shop and find Sokka and Katara wrapped in towels, totally fine, and Walking On Two Legs

⁃ Azula takes this as confirmation that they are, in fact, Fucking Imposters, until Katara waterbends gutter water onto her and she believes it again

⁃ She forces zuko to sacrifice his shirt and pants for them because he's wearing a wet suit even though he HATES walking around in just a wet suit like an asshole

⁃ He does so anyways and hates every minute

⁃ Despite all three of them protesting, Katara walks Right The Fuck UP to Jet and asks if he loves her

⁃ He does the whole "Ha. lol no. ur hot though ;) see you later ;)"

⁃ She is slightly demoralized but Soldiers On because her new friend Azula INSISTS she can make him fall in love with her

⁃ Azula has read every teen magazine so many times that she "has perfected a formula to make any man on earth fall in love in a matter of hours" she simply Chooses not to use it

⁃ Zuko and Sokka comment from the peanut gallery about how nonsensical that is

⁃ Until Azula implements operation damsel

⁃ AKA, we ride our bikes in front of Jet's house until he notices, then she throws Katara off of her handle bars to bait him into saving her

⁃ This Works but she did not tell anyone doing that on purpose was part of the plan

⁃ Cue Date!!!!

⁃ It's good but Zuko is sus and so is Sokka

⁃ Azula very pointedly (read: homophobicly) says Katara is Different and their relationship failed because he Lacks the Feminine Wiles girls like her and katara are Naturally Imbued with

⁃ That pisses him off but luckily Sokka reminds them the Fucking Sun Is Going Down and they'll turn into FISH AGAIN if they don't hurry

⁃ They bring them to the water tower and see them in Ambient Sunset Lighting as Mermaids for the First Time

⁃ Zuko & Azula: sure hope this doesn't awaken anything in me

⁃ (It does)

⁃ Jet, king that he is, eventually gets suspicious and starts pressuring Katara, assumes that there's something up because of "those two boys she's always running off with" and katara rightfully gets Pissed the Fuck Off at him, and runs away tearbending

⁃ Zuko goes after her and tries to comfort her

⁃ Cue the "why am I leaking? why does love hurt? why would someone love if it hurts this much" "because love is the closest thing humans have to magic :")" scene

⁃ Azula and Sokka are like "emotions are kinda weird, right?" "so right" on the bike ride to water tower, sweet water tower

⁃ Unfortunately Jet Follows Them and is Even More Suspicious

⁃ The next day Azula and Katara are nursing their respectively broken hearts over this with Jennifer's Body and Ice Cream

⁃ But Jet keeps hounding Zuko (and by extension Sokka, who wants to learn about more human stuff) at the boba stand

⁃ Where he figures out clearly these two gentlemen are Gay and hang out with her as a means for Zuko to prove he's Rebounded

⁃ Which isn't ideal but, he is interested in Katara again and they both want her to succeed so they take him there, hijinks ensue, Katara is invited to the Last Splash

⁃ (And Zuko does kind of want to prove he's over it so Sokka offers to take him and they all go to the mall together and get makeovers)

⁃ (Golden Opportunity for a crocverse crossover because you look me in the face and tell me mermaids wouldn't wear CROCS!)

⁃ Success! Everyone said, not knowing Jet would follow her home after the date, and climb the water tower, and see her and Sokka are mermaids, and break the ladder, and figure he can expose them on the news for being mermaids, because that makes so much sense

⁃ Luckily Longshot and Iroh recognized the betrothal necklace and whale tooth necklace in the bottom of the pool as Mermaid Fodder, something they often discuss at their monthly pai sho game, and went to save them before Jet had the chance to fuck shit up

⁃ Unfortunately!!!!!!!!!!! This means Katara and Sokka don't know about this by the next day and Zuko and Azula have to go save them from getting exposed NOW!!!!

⁃ Katara asks him if he loves her Now, and he says "heh. I'm allergic to shellfish" then pushes her in the water

⁃ Sokka dives in after her

⁃ Zuko punches Jet square in the Face then dives in

⁃ Then Azula, in a moment of love fueled bravery, jumps in as well

⁃ The sky is thundering, a whirlpool is pulling them out to sea and There it Comes

⁃ "You can have our wish, wish you can stay here" "What? Why would you do that" "We love you, Katara!" "I didn't know you leak when you're happy too!"

⁃ The Storm Hath Ended

⁃ Jet gets fucking fired

⁃ but Katara and Azula swim together and are best fucking friends while Zuko and Sokka have the worst most awkward love confession in the history of the world

⁃ They kiss and Sokka's finger scales turn blush pink for the next week

⁃ The end!!!! Love wins, people!!! And ozai got eaten by a shark off screen, roll credits! La la land!

[pinkysfaultorbrainsfault]

pinky and the brain - s1e6: brainania

i’m running on like the barest dregs of energy let’s fucking do this leeroy jenkins

episode summary: brain needs to build a Very Big Tumbly Drier. he needs a lot of money to build a Very Big Tumbly Drier. he decides the best way to do this is to.... invent a country and scam the us out of a foreign aid cheque.

hm.

the rundown:

it’s acme labs!

there it is.

as we zoom in a little, we hear pinky laughing maniacally at the very mention of tom ruegger, while a couple of women are dead on the floor.

hm.

SPEAK TO ME, PHYLLIS, SPEAK. as it turns out, things aren’t quite as dire as previously thought, as pinky affirms that brain looks “simply fetching.”

narf.

“these are the only garments i could obtain. and besides, you are no helen of troy yourself.”

ignoring the fact that he chose to wear the hat and the gloves as well, brain moves onto explaining his latest plan--

but not before giving pinky a static-y poke for his crimes.

“to generate global static cling, we shall construct a massive clothes dryer.”

BEHOLD.

THE TITANOCYCLE FOUR THOUSAND, WITH THREE SPEEDS AND AUTOMATIC WRINKLEGUARD. this will surely allow brain to.... trap everyone in their clothes via static cling and. uh. allow him to seize power...... somehow......... by putting everyone in a really big tumbledryer?????

it costs fourteen billion dollars.

“oh, i have it!”

“we build a huge tooth, leave it under a huge pillow, and then fairies will leave us lots of money!”

brain tells pinky to stop eating paint chips. it’s a well deserved response to pinky’s insane, bullshit idea, not nearly as dignified and scientific as Everyone Goes In The Big Tumbly Dryer By Brain Age Two And A Half.

as he heads off to ponder an Equally Sensible idea to get a lot of money, pinky assures brain that he will not “be a bother.”

“brain.”

“if i ate a hundred jelly rolls, would i explode?”

i don’t know why pinky is sticking his ass out. maybe that’s where the jelly rolls go, in the sense that whenever i used to eat cakes around my dad he’d often say something like “a minute on the lips is a lifetime on the hips”. (also? pinky is british, so what he actually means is jelly rolls, and that sounds disgusting.)

so anyway brain gives him a piece of paper and tells him to try origami.

BUT WAIT.

“pinky! are you pondering what i’m pondering?” “i think so brain, but why the bitch stacey foreign aid office is giving chad all the money while i’ve always been a nice guy and showed her a basic level of human respect is beyond me. narf.”

no i’m sorry. he didn’t say that. pinky respects women. also apologies to the residents of the actual country of chad. big ups to all of you. lol. (he actually says “but pantyhose are so uncomfortable in the summertime”, which is wild, considering this episode was aired in november.)

brain doesn’t want to wear the pantyhose.

well, maybe he does, but not right now. instead, he suggests that they form a bogus nation and demand reparations from the united states, which is, of course, easier, saner, and far less work than Really Big Tooth. as he folds the Chad Newspaper into a vague key shape (the Virgin Tabloid never had a chance) pinky points out that, uh

you can’t just invent a country, brain. “won’t people know we’re not a real country?”

“the average american’s grasp of geography is pitiful. they’ll think we’re part of the former soviet union.”

“or canada.”

so they pick a random, tiny island on the label of a Science Chemical and set off on the boat to Being A Coloniser Town.

a long sea voyage awaits us! and at the end, we shall found a nation! and that nation shall be called!

BRAINANIA.

“can’t we call it pinkyland? or eric?”

“don’t vex me, pinky, or i shall turn on you.”

so they get on the S.S FATTY LUMPKIN and bugger off to Island X.

“i haven’t seen anybody yet, brain. i guess we’re alone here.”

“excellent, pinky. it’s time to flesh out the terrain.”

“that volcano will be mount brain.”*

“this clearing will be brain flats,”

“and that water over there--”

“very well.”

“the fjord of pinky.”

and they hoist their adorable, homemade flag, while pinky doots them a little themetune.

(*perhaps when they’re not in the middle of the jungle.)

how lovely!

less lovely.

significantly less lovely. still, it got brain to make the little O:O face, so it’s not all bad.

as the mice are scooped up onto a sphere and presented in front of this presumably-maori gentleman, brain decides to put his White Gay From Los Angeles skills to the test, and reassures pinky that he will communicate with them in the Primitive Argot Of The South Seas.

ME NUMBER ONE FELLA. OTHER FELLA NUMBER TEN. CATCHY ALL SAME SAME. YOU SAVVY?

“good day, mate. d’you speak english?”

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

anyway apparently this has happened often enough that these guys learnt english. from all the times it happened. and then they ate the guy they learnt english from and shrunk his head, but to be honest, i don’t blame them.

this is alan. “hello, alan.” says pinky.

“i would be pinky! and this is prime minister brain.”

“who is IN CHARGE OF THIS ISLAND AND EVERYTHING YOU SEEEE.”

“narf.”

sneaky bastard knows what he’s doing.

alan isn’t too happy with that, because the island belongs to the volcano god, whanganui,

WHO PROTECTS US FROM EVIL AND HAAARM AND WHAT ALL ELSE.

(i can find no evidence that whanganui is actually a god, as opposed to just A Bit Of New Zealand. if they are, i’m more than happy to go back and edit this as would be religiously considerate.)

this is the face of a man who knows he has fucked up.

still, brain decides yet again that his pride comes before any kind of rational decision, so he decides to tell them that whanganui sent him to the island to rule over them,

as proven by his fire powers.

(ETA: i missed this last time. why is brain carrying a lighter around? that episode isn’t for a good few more seasons yet.)

alan is unimpressed.

I CAN TRAP YOUR SOULS INSIDE THIS GLASS

“i can make bubbles with my spit!”

apparently this is a real talent on the island. who’d have thought. (they do not believe it to be a sign of god. it’s just really cool.)

so brain gets a hand building brainania.

it has everything one could possibly need.

actually pretty much as soon as the airport and the gift shop are built, brain heads to washington, so evidently he holds the strong opinion that this is everything a country could possibly need. odd. still, maybe he plans on adding stuff once he becomes world ruler, or whatever.

so with that established, The Most Exalted ned limpopo gets out of the car. hassan lembeck is also here. he is attempting to make an origami bird out of a newspaper.

no bird for you, mr lembeck. no bird for you.

they wander off to go and see mr bisck, who is currently playing with a little toy plane.

he reacts to the news that the prime minister of brainania is here to see him with “oh great, more moochers,”

and does not seem to take kindly to having tiny mice on his desk, even if they are reasonably exalted.

though a quick database search tells him said mice have no record of financial trouble, or, indeed, a credit rating, so. he tells them to go away.

“go away.”

okay. hassan doesn’t take this well.

as Exalted Ned Limpopo gently tries to persuade mr bisck that he could “harm negotations” between brainania and the us (a lot more politely than he usually explains things to people, may i add) hassan chimes in with a haven’t you people ever heard of bold claim that brainania, if slighted, will INVADE YOUR LANDS

GO BOOM BOOM BOOM

AND MAKE YOU ALL OUR PATHETIC SLAAAAAAAAAAAAVES.

mr bisck does not like this idea, it seems.

as he rushes off to tell the UN, brain informs pinky that he has

“just created an international incident.”

“oh, thank you, brain.”

“in the words of the immortal yogi bear, this is dejavu all over again.”

so the boys turn up on PUNCHLINE, WITH FRED FLUBBLE.

there he is. “perhaps you gentlemen would care to climb up on the desk?”

they make it, just about.

and sing a fun little song about brainania’s war victories, i guess.

WE WILL FIGHT AND NEVER QUIT

FIND ME A ROOFTOP AND I WILL SPIT. NARF

this is not well recieved by the us military.

unfortunately, as the US press secretary points out, the us cannot go to war with a country it can’t find,

(wuss.)

so instead the mice are invited to dinner at the white house.

“in a few short hours, pinky, we shall have our foreign aid loan, and then the world!”

“birdy birdy birdy! narf!”

“i sense much of this historic moment is lost on you.”

at the white house, a very bored looking individual introduces The Most Exalted Ned Limpopo (feat. hassan lembeck), and bill clinton shakes his hand.

“me number one fella. other fellas number ten. catchy all same same. you savvy?”

“i speak fluent english.”

“eyyyy. haha. sure you do.”

“all brainania ever wanted from the US was friendship. friendship, and fourteen billion dollars and fifty nine cents. the friendship i will treasure. the money i will spend on polo ponies and cruise missiles.”

brain has a brief discussion with hilary clinton over the advantages of strontium ninety versus uranium two-thirty-eight,

bill clinton pulls this face and tells them it Sounds Smart,

and the mice bounce merrily back to mr bisck to get their foreign aid check.

“you better not lose it, buster!!! i just erased your records!! you won’t get another one from me!!!!”

HA.

“one should be enough. thanks and farewell, “

“you niggling bureaucrat.”

conclusion:

upon returning back to brainania, The Most Exalted Ned Limpopo finds a letter from alan addressed to him. it’s also mouse sized, which is adorable. apparently, whanganui,

WHO PROTECTS US FROM EVIL AND WHAT ALL ELSE

is “blinking mad”, and the volcano is going to explode.

brain, obviously, does not believe in whanganui, and is mostly just mad that he’s lost his workforce. still, as pinky points out,

“at least we've still got brainania!”

“i sense life has taken another sardonic twist.”

still, they do, barely, have enough time to reach the shoreline and start swimming away from the imminently exploding volcano. perhaps it should have been, yknow, a pretty decent sign that the natives cleared out. historically, people who live in these places tend to know about them, but what of that when brain is number one guy same same you savvy.

🙄

anyway the karmatic response to all of that previous racism is that a tidal wave sweeps them back onto the volcano,

which then blasts them into space.

(okay not literally space. but they do end up on a little raft in the middle of the ocean. don’t ask me where the raft came from. i have no idea.)

oof.

“mother nature has slammed her unmerciful fist on our fair isle, pinky.”

“do you know what this means?”

“birdy birdy birdy!!!!”

brain does not appreciate Birdy Birdy Birdy.

“blast it, pinky!”

“i said, do you know what this means!!”

“it means you just ripped up our foreign aid cheque.”

one should be enough, huh?

brain: 7 pinky: 7 outside influence: 13

like, i don’t know. maybe pinky shouldn’t have been making oragami birds out of the foreign aid cheque. but, while silly, it’s not like it did any harm. brain.... brain just needs to chill.

“well, aren’t you the tiniest foreigners i’ve had in here all morning. i’m mr appleby, can i help you?”

“yes. we would like to have relations with you. and steal some milk duds.”

“we wish to establish diplomatic relations with the us. i am the prime minister, and this is my minister of finance.”

“brainania--? oh, i remember you. you used to be a.... suburb of prague.”

“can you prove you’re a nation?”

“yes! we have postcards.”

“that’s the fjord of pinky.”

“you foreign folk sure have your own.... queer little ways.”

[goatbi]

Deep Dark Sea Chapter Six

For a moment, the two of them stared at each other in silence, Bubby kneeling next to the pool, and the mantis shrimp poking his head out of the water, staring up at him. He couldn’t think of what to say here, just staring at that wonderful green. The mantis shrimp seemed to have nothing to say either, staring right back up at him, mouth open just a little as if in shock. 

The water rippled next to him, and another head poked out of the water. Bubby glanced over at him as he surfaced, and the mantis shrimp took that opportunity to shift, pulling himself up a bit to balance on the edge of the docking bay, his body drifting behind him. The other merman, as that was all Bubby could imagine them to be, was a bit too deep to see what exactly he was. Yet, he was the first to speak. 

“You’ve been listening to him sing for however long he’s been down here, and you don’t say a word now?” Bubby blinked, before looking towards the mantis shrimp, who pushed back off the wall and shoved the other’s head back down under water. 

“Don’t mind Tommy.” Bubby blinked, then nodded slightly, shifting to sit cross legged a bit back from the edge of the docking bay, so the mantis shrimp could hook his arms, the more human ones, on the edge again and hang there. “I’m.. Coomer.” 

“Bubby.” He answered softly, voice barely able to make a sound through his shock. This was a merman. A mantis shrimp merman, who had been listening to him singing? This entire time? 

Tommy popped back up again. “The entire time, Mr. Human, the entire time!” Coomer shot a look behind him, and Tommy disappeared back underwater, and Bubby blinked, seeing a large shape move away from the pool, what he assumed to be Tommy. He was deceptively big, how had he not seen that mass before? Was he flat? Some sort of manta ray then. 

“Uh...” Bubby’s eyes flicked back towards Coomer, who was frowning at him. “Are you alright? I know it’s a bit of a shock-” 

“Fine! Fine, just uh... Trying to figure out what... type of creature he was. I mean, you’re obvious, mostly, and I think I figured out the other one when he floated past, but uh, Tommy, I didn’t see until he... swam off.” Coomer nodded slightly, still staring up at him. 

“That’s alright. He’s probably going to go get the others anyways, you can meet the school.” Bubby blinked at him, then nodded slightly. 

“You’ve... been listening to me sing?” 

“Oh, only when you’re in here, that’s the only place I can really hear it. Your voice is lovely, I’m a little upset I couldn’t hear it through the windows so I could hear you more often.” Coomer shifted slightly, and his tail disappeared into the dark for a moment as it flicked down, then slowly floated back up. Bubby watched quietly, still trying to fully process what he was seeing. 

They sat like that for a moment, Coomer staring up at him, and Bubby staring back, before Coomer spoke again. “I like your eyes. They’re very nice.” 

“Oh... I mean, red’s a weird color-” 

“No, that’s... not red. I know red, that’s not quite it.” Bubby frowned at him. They were his eyes, and he had been subject to a lot of bullshit because they were red. He knew what color his eyes were. 

“No, I’m... pretty sure-” and then Bubby paused. Mantis shrimp had far more color receptors than a human had, didn’t they? Maybe Coomer just... saw something different than he did. “I mean... I guess they would look different to you, huh...” he trailed off, before shaking his head slightly. 

“I guess so. The others do say I see differently than them a lot. They tried to tell me humans didn’t have stripes!” Coomer leaned up, catching Bubby’s wrist in his hand carefully, pushing himself up with the shrimp arms to have his other hand free to trace something along Bubby’s arm. 

Bubby saw nothing, frowning at him a moment, before going with it. “Your eyes are very green. I don’t think I’ve seen anything that green before.” 

Coomer was still tracing the marks that only he could see, and paused, Bubby watching him flush before shooting a grin at him, looking back to his arm. “I dunno if they are green like green is to me... But I’m... glad you like them.” 

He almost snorted, turning his head and continued to let Coomer trace the lines along his arm, watching him out of the corner of his eye. As such, he watched the water ripple again, as the pyrosome colony he had seen before poked his head up, and then disappeared again. Bubby raised an eyebrow. “That uh... pyrosome colony-” 

“Forzen”  

“Yeah, uh, Forzen... What’s his deal?” 

"Oh, he just likes watching people.” Coomer glanced back, and must’ve been able to see where he sunk down into the water. He looked back towards Bubby’s arm. “Plus he has trouble swimming, so we move him with currents. So that just means the others are here too now.” 

“Others?” 

Coomer nodded. “You saw Tommy for a second, there’s Darnold, Benrey, and Gordon as well. Well, G-Man too, but he’s rarely around, so I don’t think he’s here. Also Gordon’s son Joshua, but Joshua is just a normal fish he adopted, so he can’t come up here like we can.” He hit the sleeve of Bubby’s shirt again and pouted, dropping back down onto his human arms. Bubby blinked, rubbing his arm slightly, almost missing his touch. 

He glanced over as another head popped up from the water, and Coomer looked over at him as well. “Hey Darnold. This is Bubby.” Darnold shifted up a bit more to lift a hand at him, slowly beginning to circle. Bubby looked at him quietly. 

“Shark?” Darnold grinned at him, and that only confirmed it to him. “So we have Benrey and Gordon left to see, right?” Coomer nodded slightly, and just then, Tommy resurfaced, grinning. 

“Benrey’s coming up soon!” 

Bubby was... honestly a bit overwhelmed, but said nothing, as another sharp toothed merman surfaced, black hair spread out around him. Bubby glanced at the others, who said nothing, looking back at this grunge looking man who had emerged from the deep. 

So maybe Bubby was a bit scared. This was fine. 

“Hey Benrey! Where’s Gordon?” 

“Uh being a lil... a lil bitch baby.” Bubby stared at the newly identified Benrey, eyes narrowed slightly, but was distracted from his thought as Coomer sighed, pushing himself off the wall. 

“I’ll get him.” and he disappeared into the water. Bubby stared after him, then glanced around at the others, who all stared at him dead faced. 

“... I have done nothing to deserve your ire.” He said, glaring around back at them, and Tommy huffed. 

“yeah, but we’ve never seen Coomer like this before. So... just know you won’t make it back to the surface to your school if you hurt him.” 

His school? This was a very strange school at this point, and Bubby sighed. “I don’t have one? So I don’t think it would matter that much if you killed me, I just don’t feel like dying.” 

For some reason, when he said that, they seemed upset at this, but weren’t able to say anything before Coomer’s tail appeared, as he scrambled up the side and managed to get his feet onto the level surface, backing up carefully as he dragged the most pissed off looking mer Bubby had ever seen. To be fair, he hadn’t seen a lot, but he knew anger when he saw it. 

This had to be Gordon. He was hanging from Coomer’s arms, hair plastered in his face, arms dangling. His hand had some pretty nasty claws on it, and the other was a scarred stump. Bubby tried to find his face in the mess of hair covering it, but was unable. 

“Here’s Gordon!” Coomer called, holding him up with apparently ease, though Bubby, looking down into the dark water, could not see the end of of his tail. He could see a small fish circling the tail that remained in the water. Just a normal fish. This caused him to laugh softly, looking back up at Gordon, who snarled at him and Bubby fell silent. “He didn’t want to meet you, but I wanted him to, so he’s gonna!” 

“I’m faster than you.” 

“And I’m stronger than you!” Coomer replied cheerfully, and dropped him back into the water. Gordon ducked down for a second, but only to slick the hair in his face back off of it, surfacing again to glare towards Bubby. He looked across the bay to look at Coomer completely out of the water for the first time he had seen him. He was just as brightly colored, if not more so than Bubby originally thought, without the dark water muffling the bright colors. Coomer shifted and dove back under, popping up in front of him, pulling himself back up into his original position and... 

Bubby forgot about the others, in favor of the green once more. Coomer seemed content, staring back at him, and they fell into silence again. 

“Jesus you two are gay-” 

Coomer dove at Tommy, and they disappeared under the water. 

[experimentaldragonfire]

adding in all my “live” reactions to spop s5 under a cut here, because idk i think they’re vaguely entertaining (though I didn’t really write anything down ‘til episode 5 whoops)

-FUCK I HATE BRAINWASHED CATRA

-AAAAAAA

-HI YES ITS EP 5 AND IM CRYING

-STILL CRYING

-also catra’s hair looks great

-BUT IM CRYING

-if that apron doesn’t say “kiss the chef” in first ones’ writing then what is the fucking point

-hmmm i DONT like the way the elberron lady is talking

-i can’t believe this is the actual show and not like,,,,a fanfic

-EXCUSE ME

-YOU DO NOT GET TO MIND-CONTROL SPINERELLA

-catra just fucking sitting in adora’s lap

-i LOVE HER

-also i am so gay for her hair

-the INTRO

-i’m crying again

-also i love mermista’a outfit

-pfffft the underwater soirée is “swimming” with people?

-of COURSE sea hawk set that guys boat on fire

-I LOVE SCORPIA

-SCORPIA SONG!!!!!!

-i don’t think this is the best song for like.....staying undercover

-but she’s excellent anyway

-this guy weirdly gives off the air of lying about his performances? the performers?

-WAIT IS THIS DOUBLE TROUBLE

-IT IS

-how the fuck did they know about she-ra in the stars???

-did mermista get chipped too?????

-well fuck

-THEY GOT MICAH TOO???

-scorpia?????? don’t sacrifice yourself

-NOOOOOO

-wow things are Bad

-back to the fight-flirting dynamic

-oh NO i see what they mean by the title card changing

-CATRAS FLUFFY TAIL

-catra’s just like “how did you guys ever defeat me”

-why the fuck has shadow weaver been spared

-lmao castaspella agrees with me

-casta: “i won’t hesitate bitch”

-i forgot how much i love everyone’s dramatic eyeliner

-lmao entrapta gps

-catra: “why am i the only one with an ounce of common sense”

-WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

-wait is

-MAGICAT???

-WHAT

-um, is catra okay

-okay she’s fine

-i love awkward-zuko-catra

-how much money does horde prime spend on screens to replace the ones he punches

-i want swift wind to be friends with catra’s alien cat

-omg netossa just calling everyone out

-she took a fucking spray bottle to catra i am screaming

-“they can’t defend themselves! they’re dads!”

-BOW’S DADS

-is arxia the fright zone???

-oh my god if catradora isn’t canon i’m gonna scream

-but like

-it’s gotta be

-oh fuck you shadow weaver

-she’s still doing her weird manipulative bullshit

-i’m gonna fight shadow weaver

-glimmer and her dad literally just. are not allowed to meet by the plot. that’s rude

-let me murder shadow weaver

-wow fuck you AGAIN shadow weaver stop this with your bullshit “let gooooo of ur emotions” stuff

-DONT DO THÉ FACE TOUCH

-AAAAAAAA I WANT TO KILL HER SO MUCH

-adora’s emotions are her strength

-fuck off

-lmao okay hordak is back

-oh no i do think catra is being Justified in her paranoia

-nooooooooooooooooooo

-catra plz come back

-conversely, adora should follow her

-there’s 2 episodes left oh my god

-oh my god i can’t believe it’s actually happening????

-aaaaaa

-i still can’t believe entrapta taught a clone to wink

-okay so i’m gonna cry

-they just,,,,care about each other??? so much????

-HEY ADORA MAYBE STOP TRUING TO DO EVERYTHING ALONE

-MAYBE THE POINT OF THIS SERIES IS THAT YOU NEED YOUR FRIENDS HELP

-wait did they just leave shadow weaver behind with adora and catra too

-it’s kind of unclear

-she was just leaning against a wall

-also that glow moment was really adorable

-lmao sea hawk annoying mermista into breaking out of horde prime’s control

-ALSO THEY LOVE EACH OTHER

-EVERYONE LOVES EACH OTHER ITS ADORABLE

-FUCKING HELLLLL

-i’m so worried

-wait did kyle and rogelio adopt a child

-look, shadow weaver can die, i don’t give a fuck

-this is a pretty good scene though about their fucking complex mother-child relationship because there is SO MUCH that can be said about how they hate her but still kind of love her

-okay so i’m gonna cry

-update: i fucking cried

-holy shit

-HOW

-that was SO FUCKING GOOD

-oh my GOD

-AAAAAAAA

-(in conclusion: wow, holy shit, wow.)

[probablydaydreamingg]

Nicotino AU fic - The Sun in His Eyes

Here it is ! The first chapter of my Nicotino AU fic. Please let me know what you guys think as it is my first fic and I have no idea if it’s any good. It involves the contrabbandieri a lot, so if you miss them as much as I do… You know what to do ;)

You can read it on AO3 here.

Summary: I contrabbandieri goes camping for a few days once they’re done with school. All Martino wanted was to relax and be a careless teenager for a few days. He had no idea that he would fall in love in the process. On their first day of lounging on the beach they meet a group of boys and play beach volley with them. They hit it off immediately and spend the rest of their vacation together. The problem is that one of them is the most beautiful boy in the planet and Martino can’t help but falling for his green eyes and his sunshine smile.

Chapter 1

It’s fair to say that it hadn’t be easy for Martino to convince his mom to let him go on vacation with the boys, but she finally caved in, after several conversations and one long speech from Gio exposing the different benefits of a friends’ gateway to the beach for a few days. It’s not that Martino’s mom didn’t trust Martino or the boys to be on their own, it’s mostly that she didn’t like the idea of being alone in the house for days. Martino knew that, which is why he managed to convince her to take this opportunity to visit her sister for a few days, this way it would be a nice getaway for them both. And of course, Martino would call her everyday to tell her all about their trip.

It was a month ago when Gio had proposed to go camping once they’re out of school, just the four of them together, Elia, Luchino and Marti. Gio had broken up with Sofia not so long before, which might be what prompted the idea of the getaway. Turned out all four boys could use some time to breathe the clean coastal air, to just chill under the sun for a few days. Their fourth year of high school had been exhausting for all of them, and one thing that’s for sure is that their fifth and final year won’t be any easier. They might as well enjoy themselves while they can. Martino was particularly grateful for this opportunity to be a careless teenager for a few days, to be completely rid of any responsibilities. As much as he loves his mom, with her ups and downs, he does have to put on his adult’s shoes more so than the average teenager which tend to be tiresome. Martino and his mom managed to find a balance, they’ve learned how to live without his dad by now and their relationship is now stronger than ever before, but even then Martino sometimes feels like there is a huge weight on his shoulders.

The boys decided on Fregene for their trip as it’s a short train ride away from Rome, is known to attract many young Italians due to its many bars and clubs, and on top of it is a relatively cheap destination for poor high schoolers like them. And as Luchino said: “I’m sure it’s full of pretty girls. We’ll have the time of our lives guys”. Even though Martino couldn’t care less if there were pretty girls there or not, he sure was looking forward to those few days at the beach with his friends.

The thing is that Martino had come to terms with the fact that’s he’s attracted to boys, and boys only, a few months ago. He just couldn’t lie to himself anymore, not when it took everything for him to try and pretend that he was even remotely attracted to Emma. No really, he just decided there was no point in putting up this façade for himself anymore. That’s the conclusion he came to after taking a quiz to assess his gayness (the results were complete bullshit by the way) – turns out if you take a quiz to know if you’re gay, there is a 99.9% chance that you’re gay, or bi, or pan, or anything else that isn’t straight. Just deal with it. Martino dealt with it, in fact he felt pretty good about it, even better now that his feelings for Gio seem to be a memory of the past. He hasn’t told any of the boys yet though, he hasn’t told anyone for that matter. He was too afraid of what their reaction might be, and he values their friendship way too much to risk losing them. Gio, Luchino and Elia are his moral support and he didn’t know what he would do if he didn’t get to spend most of his useless afternoons with them.

This is the exact thought that crossed Martino’s mind while he looked at his three best friends on the train to Fregene. Gio was telling a story excitedly with his hands, while Luchino was laughing loudly at all of his jokes and asking dumb questions from time to time which meant Gio had to tell the story from the beginning again since apparently Luchino didn’t understand any of it. Elia was looking at them both and shaking his head at their antics. Martino was thinking about how grateful he was that these three were in this life. Gio noticed that Martino was staring at them without saying anything, he looked back at him with a question in his eyes, probably wondering what’s in Marti’s mind like the mom friend he is. Martino tries to convey through his eyes that he’s fine, he’s just glad to be going on this trip with them and taking his mind off things. Gio seems to be satisfied with what he sees in Martino’s eyes and continues babbling about some adventure he’s had. After an hour and a half spent talking, listening to music, playing games, they arrive to their destination. It was near midday when they checked into the campsite and set up their tent. The campsite seems pretty chill, it has a pool, a snack bar and basically everything you would expect from the place. They decide not to lose any time and go straight to the beach once they’re done. The four boys wear really big smiles in addition to their light shirts, swimming trunks, flip flops and sunglasses. Once they step foot on the sand Martino takes a deep breath, the smell of iodine and sun cream invading his nostrils. They all look around them, at the people lying around sunbathing, at the people playing beach games, at the sun rays hitting the sea creating millions of crystalline reflections. They then look at each other and smile their widest smiles, summer vacation is officially on.

“Alright let’s find a spot to lay down and show off our athletic bodies guys!” taunts Elia.

“You mean show off our belly rolls” laughs back Gio. “Mr. Boccia was right, we should have been more dedicated in PE. Woah, I didn’t think I would ever say this, but I almost miss the guy”

“Me too honestly bro. We should have brought him and his husband with us, they could help us get into shape.” Says Marti.

“Wait why are we talking about Boccia right now?” Interrupts Luchino. “let’s go find that spot, we’re not allowed to talk about anything related to school, that’s the rule!”.

“There aren’t any rules Luchi, we’re just joking” retorts Gio. “Actually, the only rule is that there aren’t any rules”.

“That’s fine by me. Let’s go” concludes Elia. They all start walking, they take off their flip flops and then realize this was a bad idea as the sand is painfully hot. They put them back on as fast as they can when their feet can’t take the scorching heat anymore and head off again.

They end up spreading their beach towels near a cabin that sells drinks and snacks, just in front of a court where you can play beach volley. It’s the perfect spot for their starving stomachs, and also for people watching (because who doesn’t people watch when they go to the beach – people who are blind that’s who). Luchino doesn’t waste one second before rushing to the cabin to get food into his craving belly. The three boys follow suit not long after. They’re all eating their snacks, shirts off, fan-shaped feet, when a group of boys get into the beach volley court. They are a group of four guys who seem to be around the same age as them. One of them is dark-skinned and super athletic, looking like the type of guy that goes to the gym several times a week and likes to preach the virtues of maintaining a healthy body. The one next to him is much less built, with what looks like a bad sunburn on his upper back, he has brown hair and wears glasses which give him a bit of a nerdy look. The third one seems super chill while looking quite confident, his posture tells you that you’d have to try really hard for him to get riled up. But the one that caught Marti’s attention the most is the fourth one, a dark-haired boy with a blinding smile. Seriously he’s never seen a smile so wide and bright in his life. And…oh well the boy also happens to be ripped so there’s that. But Martino can’t help but staring at his face, his smile, his green eyes, his curls that fall over his eyes. Martino suddenly realizes that he’s been staring for far too long and tries to snap out of it. He looks over at the boys next to him, who are also looking at the group of boys in front of them. Martino dares to glance one more time at wide smile boy, which confirms to him he is just as beautiful and breathtaking as he first thought. Martino knows he shouldn’t let himself get too invested into a stranger who is most likely straight, but at this moment all his mind is telling him is that there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of harmless staring from afar. Suddenly a voice breaks his reverie:

“It would be cool to play some beach volley while we’re here, what do you think guys? Get our bodies moving a little bit?” asks Elia.

“Yeah maybe” replies Gio, looking a little bothered.

“All I can think of is how I wished those were girls playing in front of us” interjects Luchino.

Martino realizes that female volleyball players have to be the last thing Gio wants to think about right now. “Hey Luchino stop being a perv will you, we could play after they’re done”.

Gio looks at him, seeming invigorated again. “Sounds like a good idea Marti, I’m proud of you for actually agreeing to get up and move your body to play real life sports. You like to brag about how you’re winning me in FIFA, but you won’t be bragging for long when it comes to this.”

Elia and Luchino snickers, Martino rolls his eyes, and then Elia says: “but wait why don’t we ask the boys to play with them, they’re only four, we could play four to four, that’s much better”.

Luchino doesn’t seem convinced: “did you look at them though? Two of them look like they could be fitness coaches, like it shouldn’t be legal to be this ripped, we would get crashed in seconds”.

“Well yeah with you in our team that’s for sure” replies Gio “but come on it’ll be fun, and muscles don’t mean anything when it comes to volley, maybe they suck at it as bad as us”. Right as Gio finished his sentence, a ball rolls to Martino’s feet. Looks like the boys had started playing while they were chatting. The dark-skinned boy picks up the ball and looks over at them, they probably looked like idiots caught in flashlights.

“Ciao” greets the guy “sorry for the ball”.

Gio is the first one to recover: “Hey no problem, actually we were talking of joining you guys for a match, what do you think?” With all of this Martino had almost forgotten of wide smile boy, almost being the key word. He’s conflicted between wanting to be as far from him as possible so as not to embarrass himself and wanting to get to know the person behind the warm smile. Truthfully, he didn’t think showing off his non-existent real life sports skills would play in his favor as a first introduction, but it was too late to back off now.

Dark skinned boy now has a name, it’s Amir, he seems to be a really nice guy, he introduces them to the other three boys: Aurelio (the laid-back one), Stefano (the one with glasses) and… Niccolò. Niccolò is the name of the most beautiful boy Martino has laid his eyes on. Martino greets him as calmly as he can, trying not to show how affected he is by the boy. The thing is that Martino was caught off guard by the way Niccolò looked back at him, his smile seemed even wider, even brighter, and there was something in his eyes that Martino couldn’t decipher. Martino tried to reign his expressions in, however he’s pretty sure he didn’t manage to prevent the blush from creeping up on his face. Martino averts his eyes and tries to focus on the situation at hand. Beach volley. The ball. The net. The contrabbandieri next to him. Four seemingly friendly boys on the other side of the net. Martino reminds himself not to make a big deal out of this situation, it’s just a game and nothing is at stake. Just let it go, this is what this vacation is about remember?

“So, we’ll just pass the ball around at first, we’ll start counting the points once we’re warmed up, what do you say?” asks Amir.

“Well as you probably figured out we do need a bit of a warm up, so let’s do that” replies Gio sarcastically.

“We may look inexperienced but that’s just a trick. We’re actually going to smash you guys” added Elia. The four boys in front of them laughed at that.

“Well we’ll see about that” said Niccolò, and as he said that he turned his head to look at Martino. Martino wished he could be anywhere but here in this moment, he’s beginning to think that agreeing to play with them was the worst idea of the century.

They started playing and admittedly they weren’t as bad as he’d thought. Amir and Aurelio were respectively strong and fast, but overall both teams were relatively even. Martino was finally able to loosen up a little, cracking jokes with the boys in between passes. He sometimes felt like there were eyes on him, but he didn’t know if it was his mind playing tricks or if it was indeed the case. Niccolò was jumping around excitedly, his smile never seeming to falter even when he missed the ball. The fact that he is a bit shorter than the other tree boys of his team was the most endearing thing. They ended up face to face at some point, looking at each other from across the net, and again his body is reacting in a way that he can’t control. Gio throws the ball to the other side, and Niccolò jumps to get it, setting his body in motion. Martino makes a mental note to thank Gio for this moment, because he is in first row to witness the way Niccolò’s muscles contract and expand. He gets a full view of his torso, his arms, his baby blue shorts that hang low on his stomach and give way to his sharp hip bones, his legs, his face of concentration, and… The ball that comes crashing down Martino’s face. Well he was way too engrossed into everything that is Niccolò to see this one coming.

“Hey Marti, are you sleeping or what??” mocks Gio “you know you have to catch the ball with your hands, not your head”.

“Ahaha thank you for the reminder Gio”.

“Marti you ok? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” for the first time since Martino laid his eyes on him, Niccolò wears an expression of worry on his face, his usual excited demeanor gone. And wait… did he just call him “Marti”??

Martino reassures him right away, “No don’t worry, I’m fine”. They change positions and Martino tries not to die from embarrassment.

The two boy squads chatted in between passes, hitting it off almost immediately. Naturally it wasn’t long before they realized they all come from Rome. Aurelio, Stefano and Amir go to university there, while Niccolò just graduated from high school and will start his first year of uni in September. It’s clear that Niccolò doesn’t want to get into the details of why he’s one year behind the boys even though they are the same age. They chat about everything and anything, mostly about the differences between high school and university, as well as their reason for being here. The boys arrived the day before to spend a few days on the beach as Aurelio happens to have a cousin that lives in Fregene where they are staying. In just the little time that they’ve known the four boys, they’ve come to realize how strong their friendship is, the bond that unites them akin to the one of the contrabbandieri. It is quite obvious in the way that they share looks, sometimes holding silent conversations, in the way that they tease each other constantly lovingly. Even though the four boys have very distinct personalities from that of Martino, Gio, Elia and Luca, their similar dynamics is what made them click instantly, what made them feel comfortable around each other.

After over an hour of playing beach volley, Stefano shouted: “the last one in the water is the real loser”, prompting all eight boys to rush to the sea. None of the boys wanted to make the race easy for anyone, barring the way, kicking, pushing, it was a mess of legs, arms and laughter. Just as Martino was reaching the water, he felt arms enveloping him from behind preventing him from going any further. The arms that were around him felt both strong and soft on his skin, almost like their first intent were to hold rather than constrict. Not forgetting of the race, Martino managed to wiggle himself out of the grip to keep on running, almost immediately missing the sensation of the arms surrounding him. Once he was in the water, he turned around to see that the arms that enveloped him belonged to Niccolò. He was smiling his signature sunshine smile, only it was so big now it was threatening to break his face. Which would be an absolute shame considering its statuesque beauty. And he was laughing, a low and sweet sound. Martino wanted to slap himself for being so infatuated with every little thing Niccolò does.

“What exactly did you want to do Niccolò?” asked Martino with what was left of his bravery, he hoped his smile wasn’t too big, “just accept that you lost”.

“Well it was worth trying, and by the way I didn’t lose! Luca was the last one!” replied Niccolò in a smug way.

“I’m sorry but if you arrive second to last, the last being Luchino, that means you lost. It’s just a fact” teases Martino.

“Oh, okay I see how it is. I didn’t see you as the merciless type Martino. It’s not like you won either” Niccolò teases back, with the cutest headshake.

“No, it’s true but…” And it’s right at that moment that Gio decided to come up behind him without making a sound and drown him. When Martino came back to the surface he wanted nothing but to murder Gio, he went after him to try and drown him as a reprisal, but he was stronger than him and managed to drown him a second time. Martino came back up again, his hair all over the place, struggling to come up for air after he swallowed sea water. Martino finally dared to glance at Niccolò who looked like he was having the time of his life. Gio looked between Martino and Niccolò with a questioning look, probably wondering if he interrupted something.

“Hey Nico, don’t let those Bambi eyes of his fool you ok? He’s far from being innocent himself, trust me” says Gio. Martino wishes he would just shut his mouth and stop embarrassing him even further. Martino was managing this well enough on this own anyway.

“Bambi eyes?” Asked Niccolò, his eyes looking intensely at Martino’s, “ah yes Bambi really suits you actually” he added, looking pleased with himself.

Martino felt his cheeks turning red, but still managed to get out a “don’t listen to what Gio says, I’m definitely not a Bambi”.

“I beg to differ” responded Niccolò, looking smug yet again.

Gio was silently laughing next to Marti and then said to Nico “I feel like we’re going to get along just well you and me”.

Martino couldn’t take it anymore, “I’m going to drown the both of you if you don’t stop talking bullshit”.

“I’d like to see you try” challenged Niccolò. And try he did. He doesn’t know what force spurred him towards Nico and made him brave enough to try and drown him. He was touching his skin. His naked wet skin. It was a mess of limbs, legs, arms intertwined, that Martino couldn’t register which part of Nico he was touching. But he was touching him. Holy shit. At some point Martino’s face ended up really close to Niccolò’s, and for a slip second their eyes met, it was such a short moment and yet so intense. Nico finally gave out under his weight and was swallowed by the water. When he comes back up his hair messily covers his eyes and he’s giggling like he couldn’t be bothered. He then pushed his hair back to reveal his eyes again. Martino is mesmerized by their color, it’s a peculiar shade of green, almost like they have yet to decide if they are hazel or a mix of green and blue. Martino shouldn’t be so entranced only by a pair of eyes, but he couldn’t help himself. Next to them the rest of the boys, whom Gio had gone back to, were being loud and messy, splashing water in all directions, shouting and laughing like they had no care in the world. Martino could hear them, but it was faint, like he was hearing them from inside a secluded place. Niccolò was looking straight into his eyes and Martino wasn’t sure he knew how to speak anymore. Thankfully Niccolò was the first one to break the silence.

“For the record I could have drown you so easily, I just decided to let you do it. I didn’t want to offend Bambi” he said mockingly, his smile never faltering, even for a second.

“Oh really? I wouldn’t be so sure about that. You’re so tiny, you wouldn’t be able to drown me” Oh, he hadn’t lost his capacity to speak, that’s great. But did he just say that Niccolò is tiny?? He’s regretting ever opening his mouth. Technically Niccolò isn’t tiny, he’s built and has defined muscles. While Martino is toned but not as built and muscly, he is however taller and broader than Niccolò who has narrow shoulders and hips. Physicality aside his whole demeanor oozes tiny, there’s no denying that. Martino didn’t mean to say it out loud though, he’d rather keep this for himself. But it’s too late now and Niccolò is looking at him indignantly.

“I’m sorry what? Tiny? Me? I’ll let you know I’m the master of drowning. I just didn’t want to outshine you” he responded.

“Is that so? ‘Cause it sounds a lot like something a tiny person would say” and there he said it again, why can’t he shut his mouth?

And at this moment the bubble they were in was burst by the boys coming into their vision. Aurelio and Amir started messing with Niccolò, ruffling his hair and then trying to drown him. Niccolò tried to resist but the “master” of drowning couldn’t do much against these two. Once they were done with him, Niccolò went after Amir to retaliate. He did manage to drown him after some dazzling efforts.

Martino was now surrounded by Gio, Elia and Luca who were observing the commotion. The momentum Niccolò and Martino shared was definitely lost. That’s when Luchi’s stomach decided to intervene: “hey guys I’m starving, don’t you want to get something to eat?”. They all ended up going back to their towels. Martino glanced at Niccolò who was a few steps away, engrossed in a conversation with Amir. He was looking like a Roman God gracefully making his way out of the water, with droplets on his torso and his shorts plastered on his legs. It was all too much that Martino couldn’t stare at him for too long. The group of boys settled their beach towels next to the contrabbandieri’s. There was some sort of silent agreement that the two boy squads had adopted each other and didn’t want to go their separate ways. Martino is laying down on his towel, face up, when his eyes catch those of Niccolò’s who was still standing. They stare at each other for a few seconds longer than socially acceptable. Martino recalls their moment in the water and starts wondering if there might be more to it than friendly banter, but he knows he’s venturing into dangerous territory and tries to drown the thought as soon as it emerges, the same way he had physically drowned Niccolò, without much of a second thought.

“Hey, do you guys like to smoke? We brought some good weed that we could share” asked Aurelio.

“Ahh yes you’re saving us because we didn’t bring any” responded Elia. Gio and Luca looked at Aurelio like Christmas came early.

“Well we thought we’d celebrate as it’s just us boys you know. No girls on our backs telling us what to do and all that” added Aurelio.

“Yeah no Magdalena in sight” joked Stefano. His three best friends looked at him with a knowing look. This seems to be an inside joke, and it got Martino curious.

“Who’s Magdalena?” Martino asked.

“My ex-girlfriend” Niccolò responded straight away in a stern voice. He wasn’t looking at Martino when he said it. When he finally did there was something foreign in his eyes, a distance that Martino had never seen before. It took him a while to register the information. An ex-girlfriend. A girlfriend. A girl. Of course, girls would be into Niccolò. Of course, Niccolò would be into girls. It shouldn’t come as a surprise to Martino, but it still stung him in a way that wasn’t comfortable. That’s what Martino gets for letting his guard down, for thinking for even a second that Niccolò could be into him. Martino hasn’t learnt his lesson apparently and he feels so very stupid for falling for a straight guy on his first day of vacation.

“We’re also completely girls free, so we can celebrate together. What about we hang out on the beach tonight then?” asked Gio to the group, breaking the awkward silence that followed Niccolò’s revelation. “We could play some games, play music and all that, what do you say?”

“Yeah sounds good! we could meet up here again after diner” responded eagerly Amir.

“That’s a deal!” concluded Gio.

All boys looked enthusiastic at the idea. It was almost seven when the two groups of boys collected their stuff and went their separate ways, the contrabbandieri to the campsite, and the other boys to Aurelio’s cousin’s. Martino hadn’t dared look at Niccolò again. On the way to their tent, Gio looks over at Martino, who didn’t have it in him to feign being cheerful. Gio knew him too well anyway, so there was no point in pretending. Gio didn’t say anything but it was clear he noticed. Martino knew Gio would ask about it later, but for now all Martino wanted to do was take a shower and try to get a certain pair of green eyes out of his mind.

[haledamage]

In-Character Interview Part 2

Continuing from here, but with (post Inquisition) Cait because I couldn’t choose a favorite. Not tagging anyone new, tags are on the first post.

1. What is your name?

“Cathain Cousland Howe. You can call me Cait.”

2. Do you know why are you named that?

“Father read too many adventure stories as a kid,” she said wryly. “I was named after some ancient Avvar warrior.”

3. Are you single or taken?

“Married.” She smiled to herself, something fond and private. “Childhood sweethearts, if you can believe it.”

4. Have any abilities or powers?

“I’m good at stabbing things,” she said with a sharp smile. “Pretty good with locks and words, too, I suppose. No magic or anything like that. Just knives.”

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

“Did you know that Mary Sue is just the way misogynists say ‘protagonist’?” she said, saccharine sweet, her smile more a snarl than anything resembling friendly.

6. What’s your eye color?

“Grey. Not much to say about it, I’m afraid.”

7. How about your hair color?

“Also grey,” she said sourly. “Well, mostly grey. It was brown once. I’m barely in my 30s, believe it or not, but life and ancestry can be a potent combination.”

8. Have any family members?

“An older brother. My husband. A sister-in-law, her husband and daughter. A lot of others that aren’t with us anymore.” A look of grief passed quickly over her face, but was replaced by a smile that looked just a little forced. “And my Wardens, of course. Family doesn’t have to just mean blood. I’m told I have a habit of picking up strays.”

9. Oh? How about pets?

“I have a mabari war dog. His name is Byron! He was named after a hero from the Rebellion, Arl Byron Howe. I, uh… I didn’t expect to marry into the family when I named him. He’s been with me a long time.”

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now, tell me something you don’t like?

“Politics. Dishonesty. When people put me in charge and then second-guess my decisions. Giant spiders. Fine with the regular ones, could do with less of the big ones.”

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

“I’m too busy to have hobbies. I like to travel, though. And climbing trees or hiking.”

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

“Sure. Lies, betrayal, violence. Mostly violence, if I’m honest.”

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

“Yes. Good at stabbing things, remember?” She shrugged. “If it helps, I only kill things that try to kill me first. Or that really had it coming.”

14. What kind of animal are you?

“A wolf. They’re pack animals, like I am, and good hunters. Related to dogs, and I’m Ferelden so I’m a bit related to dogs too. Plus, you know,” she pointed at her hair, then her eyes, then the silver griffon on her armor, “grey. Get it?”

15. Name your worst habits?

“I get angry easily. I let violence do the talking more than I should. I’m stubborn, and arrogant, and pushy. But at least I’m aware of it, right?”

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

“My mother. She was a remarkable woman. Poised and noble and kind, but she was also a raider captain once upon a time. I can’t maintain the balance between the two quite as well as she did, but I’m trying.” She grinned and leaned forward as it sharing a secret. “Also Loghain, but don’t tell him I said that. He was my hero when I was a child, and while the man and the myth are very, very different, I still look up to him. He may not have always made the right choices, but he understands that someone has to make a choice and is willing to be the one to do it. I wish I had even half his conviction.”

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

“I’ve never really thought about it.” She paused to think about it. “Bisexual, I suppose. Pretty people come in all shapes, sizes, genders, and races and I’ve never really noticed a preference one way or the other.”

18. Did you attend school?

“I had a tutor as a child. I didn’t pay attention as much as I should have, probably.”

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?

“Well, I am married. I’d love to have kids, but it’s… complicated. There are factors that make it difficult. It’s a work in progress.”

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

“Comes with the territory, I’m afraid. Hero of Ferelden and all that.” She rolled her eyes. “You learn to ignore them after a while.”

21. What are you most afraid of?

“Abandonment. Being locked in a cage and left to rot. Dying in the Deep Roads, alone and forgotten.”

22. What do you usually wear?

“Armor. Shirts and breeches, comfortable boots, clothes for travel and that are easy to move in. Once upon a time, I mostly wore dresses and slippers and pretty things, but those days are behind me. I still own a few.”

23. What’s one food that tempts you?

“I have a bit of a sweet tooth, so cakes and candies and such are always a hit with me.”

24. Am I annoying you?

“Nah, it’s fine. I like talking about me, it’s one of my favorite subjects.”

25. Well, it’s still not over!

“Great. I’m sure there’s no other work in my very important job that needs doing or anything.”

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

“As a Grey Warden, I am technically stripped of all titles and holdings. But as a friend of the king and queen of Ferelden, I was granted a title and holdings. So… high? My parents were the teryn and teryna of Highever and my husband is the arl of Amaranthine and I’m whatever politics decides I’m allowed to be on any given day.”

27. How many friends do you have?

“Lots. I love to surround myself with people. Only a few really close ones, though, but I wouldn’t trade them for all the jewels in Orlais.”

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

“I have nothing against it, in theory. Food is food.”

29. Favorite drink?

“Coffee. I’ve developed a taste for Antivan brandy as well.”

30. What’s your favorite place?

“My tree. There’s this huge, old tree in the courtyard in Vigil’s Keep. I’ve been climbing it for as long as I can remember. I also like to go up on the roof of the Vigil sometimes. The only others that ever come up there are Nate and Justice, so it’s a good place to get away from work for a little while.”

31. Are you interested in anyone?

“I mean, I’m married. I’m pretty blighted interested in my husband. But if you asked me the same question ten or twenty years ago, the answer would have been the same. It’s always been Nate. I’m lucky in that way.”

32. That was a stupid question…

“Was it? I’ve been asked stupider questions.”

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

“The ocean. I grew up by the sea and I love it.”

34. What’s your type?

“Dark haired and grumpy, if you believe my friends.” She grinned like it was an old joke. “In truth… I like someone who challenges me. Who stands up to me and is willing to call me on my bullshit. Someone I can let my guard down with. There haven’t been many people like that in my life. Also, archers. Every one of them I’ve ever met has been really blighted sexy. All of them. It’s like magic, I swear.”

35. Any fetishes?

“Ah, see. I knew you could ask a stupider question if you really wanted to. Congratulations.”

36. Camping or outdoors?

“Yes. Always. I’d live in the woods if I could. The less walls the better.”

[ejmcmoon]

HP and the Birthday Weekend: HBP Reaction

So I’ve been doing reactions for Freeform’s HP marathon. Freeform is skipping OotP, so here’s HBP (stupid Freeform). If you don’t want spoilers, don’t read.

Poor Harry. He looks so sad while his picture’s being taken. Poor kid needs a break.

I’ve always found it weird that the Death Eaters can fly without brooms. In the books, only Voldy and Snape can do it. Here it seems like they just add it for flashy effects.

Lol Dumbles is like “Forget the pretty girl and take my arm.”

Slughorn is so damn Extra. He fucking destroyed the place so that it looks like he’s already attacked. What a drama queen.

“I do love knitting patterns” Dumbledore is the embodiment of gay stereotypes and I’m not sure whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

YASSS the twins’ joke shop!

“How much is this?” “Five galleons” “How much for me?” “Five galleons” “I’m your brother” “Ten galleons” I LOVE THESE TWo

When Fenrir Greyback almost saw the trio spying on the Malfoys in Borgin&Burkes, I got literal CHILLS

GINNY’S SO CUTE WITH HER PYGMY PUFF

Honestly,  I don’t understand why Romione (especially Ron) don’t think Malfoy is a death eater. After all the animosity between them and Malfoy, I think they’d be a little suspicious Malfoy.

DRACO STOP BEING A BITCH

Lo Flitwick is being petty af 

Luna’s great. “No but I’ve done several toes. How different can they be, really?”

Hermione gets mad at Ron for eating while  Harry’s missing, but honestly I would be too. It’d be more like stress eating, but still.

Draco looks so depressed my poor bby

Minnie ain’t got time for that slacking off shit lmao. Also, I feel so bad for Ron. People always sideline him for Harry

OMGS SEAMUS IS StILL BLOWING UP SHIT

Okay, but the potions lesson scene is the one time where Hermione’s hair is as frizzy as should be. Smh

Ugh, NO DUMBLES. Harmione is NOT a thing. It’s all about Hinny and Romione.

I really wish they’d shown more of Voldy’s memories. They were really important plot points.

Whose decision was it to make Draco consistently have a green apple? Not that it’s bad but I’d just like to know which department instigated the Drapple fandom.

“SHUT IT” The one part where Movie Ginny acted like she was SUPPOSED TO

Why you little snitch Ron. Harry’s relationship with his book is very intimate and personal (Jk I love Ron.)

Ron jfc. Ginny can snog whoever she wants to

“What if she saw you here snogging me? Would you expect her to get up and leave?” Hermione you sly mofo.

Aww look at Hermione wrapping her arms around her boys

Katie NUUUUUU

“Why is it when something happens, it is always you three?”  Because they’re protagonists and shit must always hit the fan around them

“How grand it must be to be the chosen one” Would you like some fries with that salt, Sev?

“She’s got nice skin” YES SKIN THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO KISS

“Hermione’s got nice skin” Lol they’re both WHIPPED

Belby devouring his desert like a caveman is my aesthetic and mood whenever ice cream is in the vicinity

Good job Harry just abruptly stand up and making A HUNDRED TIMES MORE AWKWARD

Ron why are you acting all condescending?! She low-key asked you to the dinner party!

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE Luna’s lion hat?

YAS GINNY YOU FLY THAT BROOM LIKE A BAMF

Damn the Weasleys are on fire today

“You didn’t put it in. Ron only thought you did” Yes because Harry is slick af and also Slytherdor af.

“I think this room’s taken” Yes now gtfo. Also, I hate how Lavender was black but they made her white when she had any huge significance to the story

“But I am the chosen one” *slap* Come on Hermione let the boy have some confidence. Hitting him is a bit abusive

LOL when Cormac threw up on Snape’s shoes I was like, “Boi you’re fucked.”

Wow Lavender is so extra. She has good writing on foggy windows skills, tho. Mine usually turn out really ugly

I wish she’d (Ginny) fed him a canary cake and then he turned into a canary. And ugh Ron is such a cockblock.

Ugh they fucked up all of the ships in this movie? All of the Hinny scenes were awkward as hell and Ronks wasn’t even canon during that burrow scene.

Speaking of the Burrow scene, I think it’s cool, but they could’ve taken it out to include scenes like Voldy’s other memories, Hinny scenes that aren’t bullshit, tc.

Also, Ginny wouldn’t have just been STANDING there letting Harry defend her. She’d’ve hexed those Death Eaters into next week!

“Excuse me while I go and vomit” I’d wanna vomit too Mione

Oh gods here comes the scene where Harry is so unbelievably not smooth about asking Slughorn for the memory. Prepare for a massive cringe attavk.

“Is that what you told Tom Riddle, sir?” WHY ARE YOU SUCH AN IDIOT HARRY???? LIKE FUCK

“The map’s wrong” THE MAP NEVER LIES HERMIONE

“They [the cauldron cakes] were lying on your bed. I thought I’d try one.” Oh Ron your love for food is gonna be the death of you.

Rupert’s acting like he’s wasted is spot on. OMGS when he hugs Slughorn, tho!!!

Gods Slughorn is such an incompetent teacher. DON’T JUST STAND THERE DO SOMETHING GOSH DAMMIT

“And for the record, I’ve always found him interesting” We know Mione we know.

Ugh wonderful the Sectumsempra scene is close. Harry does so many things that give me second-hand embarrassment in this movie.

What I don’t get is how Lav is at a different table when she’s in Gryffindor. They could’ve had her sit at the Gryffindor table for the trio’s in sync judging stare

OH NO THE SCENE’S COMING

NO HARRY DON’T DO IT YOU BLOODY IDIOT

UGHHHHHHHHHHH

“Did you and Ginny do it then?” “What?” “Hide the book?” *wiggles eyebrows* They did more than that

Ugh why did he drink the whole damn bottle of liquid luck? He was supposed to save it for Ginny and the trio!

On the other hand, Harry being high and cocky af is the best thing!

“How on earth did you get out of the castle?” “Through the front door”

“Harry!” “Sir!”

Aww Hagrid bby don’t cry #ProtectHagrid2k17

Wow Slughorn and Hagrid are so fucking drunk.

Hey at least they included the fish story! That was super cute and feels destroying. Damn this scene tugs at my heart strings. 

WHY WOULD A FORBIDDEN SUBJECT BE FOR HYPOTHETICAL USE???? (I mean unless you’re writing a book, but that doesn’t apply here) I love Slughorn and think he’s an interesting character, but fuck he’s so dense

YES THEY ACTUALLY EXPLAINED THAT THE ROOM OF REQUIREMENT ISN’T ON THE MAP. They should’ve included it on the DVD! This would’ve made Ron’s line about Mione saying that in DHpt2 make so much more sense. Ugh this movie has so many plot holes it physically hurts

“Has it ever crossed your brilliant mind that I don’t want to do this anymore?” For once I agree with Snape. Dumbles is a manipulative asshole.

Okay, so in the books when Sumbles and Harry get to the cliff they swim across the sea or ocean or whatever to get to the cave. And I guess they skipped that part, but still had it happen? So how tf did they swim across it here? The water is way too strong? Apparition maybe?

THAT BOAT LOOKS HEAVY. Why make Harry pull it out all by himself?! You’re a wizard, Dumbledick! Use magic!

Dumbledore yelling that it’s his fault breaks my heart now that I know the context. Like, yeah, he’s an asshole, but poor guy. It’s so tragic.

“Don’t worry, sir. We’re almost there.”  “I’m not worried, Harry. I’m with you.” Oh the fucking irony.

The added choir scene is so haunting

NO DRACO DON’T DO IT DON’T LET THEM IN

The way Snape walked in gave me GOOSEBUMPS. And “Severus...please.” UGH MY HEART

Nooooo! Hagrid’s cabin! What about Fang?!

So Harry just walked in Dumbledore’s office and ARE THOSE LEMON DROPS ON DUMBLEDORE’S DESK??? FTW!

Ugh I hate how Ron’s in the background for most of the last scene. He’s a part of the trio too!

Aww Fawkes don’t make me cry! Great now I’m emotional.

So overall HBP is my least favorite movie adaption because of how sloppy it is. But damn that ending scene got to me.

I’ve had loads of fun doing these. I guess I’ll both DH movies tomorrow and then OotP on Monday. Later!