#but thanks a lot anon seriously

[holdoncallfailed]

hey, ace person here! I've messaged you before about feeling similarly "left out" of a lot of cultural milestones including dating+sex and I totally sympathize with there not being more discussion about how to live your life as a young adult in the absence of those things. and I agree that sometimes the identity labels definitely get in the way of that discussion.

the asexuality label has felt less and less helpful as I've gotten older, and lately it just makes more sense to say that I'm straight or straight ace, because there is a very small demographic of the opposite gender who I am interested in, and when I do pursue a partner that's the kind of person I want to be with, so it seems like a helpful shorthand. however it still feels useful for me to say that I'm on the asexuality spectrum, because it's very clear to me that my experience of the cultural norms of sexual attraction/dating just do not conform to the ways that other people experience them.

as someone who is also decidedly not aro I also tend to stay out of ace spaces because it annoys me how the two get conflated and how everyone has the idea that asexuality = not having sex/not wanting to have sex/not dating. the sex negativity in those spaces can be super annoying and immature. like for me at least my asexuality is literally just an absence of sexual attraction which is all that asexuality is supposed to mean but it gets wrapped up in all these other cultural meanings about partners and romance and whether or not you want to have sex which is really not what it's about and not the point at all.

also personally the "queerplatonic" label has always bothered me because it seems to be implying that relationships without sex/romance are so wildly different that we need to invent a different term for them. like, you can just have a relationship without those things or a friendship that includes them, the terminology doesn't really matter, all that a relationship is is an agreement between two people.

I think identity in most cases is going to have more nuance and complexity than any single identity label will convey, and I also get exhausted of the microidentities bc like, at the end of the day, my relationship with sexuality (or lack thereof) will not be easy to explain no matter the shorthand. and maybe your lack of dating/sex experience has something to do with being on the asexuality spectrum, and maybe it doesn't, and there still needs to be room for those people in discussions, too. because it's totally normal for sex not to be a part of your life, whether you want it to be or not.

and like yeah, my biggest problems that arise from ny asexuality are not whether or not I'm included in the LBGT+ club, they're more about how the perception of being outside of cultural norms affects me and how people treat me because of it.

idk exactly what my point is but these are complicated ideas and it's hard to talk about. also I get the sense, though I may be wrong, that you personally do actually want to be someone who dates but doesn't know how to go about it, and I greatly empathize with the bitterness that comes with feeling left out from something you desperately want. it might not be something that I ever understand in the way that other people do, but there is still room in the world for people like me and you to have relationships. and I hope that if that is something you want that you find it someday; and if it isn't, I hope you can find the acceptance in yourself that this doesn't mean you're broken or wrong and that there is just as much value in being a single person in the world.

I hope that none of this comes across as rude or snarky, I'm just interested in the discussion and it really is a complicated topic. enjoy the rest of your day~

not rude or snarky at all, thank you for such a thoughtful message especially the last bit, i appreciate it a lot. 🥲

i agree with a lot of what you said and i think you've phrased it all much more reasonably than i would (could?) have lol so i also appreciate that.

i guess my leeriness of the term 'asexual'/its definition as a 'lack of sexual attraction' is that for me PERSONALLY it's not so much a lack of attraction as it is an attraction + lack of follow through. like, i feel attraction toward women and i have a libido but neither have intersected to the extent that i felt compelled to act on it. like why would i try to get another person involved when i could just not go through the trouble of all that. but also i'm aware that that has to do with the deplorably low image i have of myself which i'm allegedly working on with my therapist lmfao...

so in that vein i think i would actually say i would prefer 'asexual' to be understood as a lack of sex because in my mind my issue with having a relationship is that i'm there too, rather than the other person. and it disturbs me to consider that as an immutable identity as opposed to an objective state of being because i know how much it's intertwined FOR ME with my own self-esteem issues but i realize that doesn't apply to everyone. but all of that is very difficult to convey succinctly in a way that doesn't seem pathological. but i guess it is kind of pathological for me personally so.

and anyway there ARE people like yourself who genuinely just don't experience sexual attraction and that's it! so it isn't your or anyone else's fault that that language does fit your experiences (or theoretically could/should). i guess i am resentful of not having the language in the first place and then having the conversation obscured even further by all this gooooooofy microidentity discourse.

i would like to be able to just live as a solitary woman and have that be a neutral 'lifestyle choice' like idk having a pet or not having one. but that is not possible. and i would argue that the 'ace pride' stuff contributes to its impossibility just from the other direction. idk lol

it's just frustrating that evidently there was some move toward trying to address this stuff on a wider level but it doesn't appear that it was a particularly productive dialogue except on a very granular personal level. but tbh maybe that's OK and also just the nature of these sort of conversations about the human experience...regardless of what Society says people can understand each other one-on-one if they both want to understand each other.

it's very clear to me that my experience of the cultural norms of sexual attraction/dating just do not conform to the ways that other people experience them.

i think even just describing it very simply like that without any labels or identities attached is much more meaningful and easy to understand. and i guess it doesn't have to be so hard to just say it. even if it's just to myself

[heartbeatbookclub]

kind of a weird one but do you have any crying hcs? like the different ways each doki cries

I think Sayori cries pretty often in private, despite how much she tries to stay positive. There are plenty of days where being left by herself, she feels more of a general sense of despair clutching at her chest, in more of a hollow, energy sapping way, that you can't even cry about, but as she says, some days are worse than others. She's probably the type to make a joke about how crying is good for your skin. She tries to keep it in private because she doesn't want anyone to worry about her, but sometimes, she can't help it.

To lighten the mood, I think she's also the type to cry at sad movies.

I think she'd keep very quiet, very out of the way, and do her best to make herself as small as possible when she cries. Lots of little sniffles and hiccuping breaths, maybe a low moan every so often. It's so common for her that to a certain point, she just lets the tears fall without caring where they land, or how she looks.

Monika, predictably, does not like crying. Much less in front of other people. She tries very hard, regardless of circumstance, to bottle her emotions up, hold her tears in, and try to keep a handle over herself at all times. This, predictably, leads to uncontrolled outbursts of emotion when she hits a breaking point. It could be something as silly as breaking a pen, to something as stressful as failing a test. To a certain point, she just needs things to go her way, and when it doesn't, she can't keep it back forever.

If she is going to cry, she tries her absolute hardest to make it as inconspicuous as possible for as long as possible. She'd probably try to scurry off to the bathroom, or somewhere else private, but there are times where she can't do anything but just crumple and sob right where she's standing. She'd really, really prefer to be alone, and others being around her would make the experience even more mortifying than it already is, regardless of their intentions. Tends to be a lot of gasping breaths and sobbing, scarcely able to breathe, let alone speak.

Yuri doesn't cry very often. She gets emotional, yes, and she struggles a lot with a lot of different things. But even more than Monika, the idea of losing control over herself in front of everyone is a concept that leaves her white as a sheet.

Of course, perhaps more ironically, Yuri tends to get overwhelmed by social situations rather easily.

It takes more than you'd think, though--despite the stress of the situation, Yuri is wont to either flee the situation before things get too dicey or just maintain composure through the whole thing enough to feel profoundly awkward and slightly scared, but not overwhelmed to the point of tears. But it's certainly possible, especially when emotions in general are running high, and she's struggling more and more to say what she means.

Yuri tends to wail if she's emotional enough. Not just sob--wail, with rather impressive volume, given her quiet demeanor. She just gets so overwhelmed by everything, and there's this tight feeling in her chest that she can't express in any other way than this natural, embarrassing sound from her throat that she doesn't want anyone to hear. In an attempt to muffle everything--the sound of her voice, the tears streaming down her face, the sounds of everything around her--she tends to bury her face in her arms, or a book, or something.

Natsuki is a bit of an oddball emotionally. She tends to let her anger run high in place of any other emotional response, seemingly as a defense mechanism, but a lot of times this will break down into something else, and if particularly emotional, this will involve tears. She has a tendency to try to avoid a lot of more serious topics by deflecting them to avoid this. She doesn't like to confront that head-on. It's scary.

Ironically, she tends to tear up more than a bit if she gets particularly pissed off, as well, which she finds incredibly embarrassing and tries to hide in the moment.

Once she starts crying, she can't stop. It's a waterfall; a constant cascade ever downwards, spiraling in a pit of self-loathing until she can't get any lower. It's a kind of vulnerability she hates more than anything, because it leaves her feeling weak, and low, and less than.

She really needs a hug. I think, where Monika and Yuri would prefer to be alone, Natsuki really would need someone there to be with her, to comfort her, to tell her that everything is going to be okay.

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Since you’re really getting into the world of Jewish music, have you heard of chilik frank ? He’s a chossid who does ashkenaz/Klezmer. My absolute fav song from him is a song called ‘Rabi meir omer’ !

Ughh one thing I love about kletzmer is the emphasis on clarinet so many songs have. It makes me want to pick mine back up and play this by ear...

As well, this is how it feels to play clarinet:

[q-starhalo]

I've barely watched qsmp, I've been a BBH fan since 2020 though and I like to rewatch some of his older content, I've missed out a lot 2022 through 2024, but seeing all of this makes me feel so sad.

People in this community seem to have had so much fun, all the relationships created. I kind of regret a lot not getting into it when qsmp came out, but the past is the past. I'm sad about it to some extent. I don't know how many feel.

From what I've seen, this server was genuinely so beautiful to be on, so many memories were made, so many inside jokes and art and writings were made, all the love to the admins yall the goats much love

I was never apart of this fandom and only know very little bits and pieces, but I do know something beautiful was created here <333

Thank you anon <3 There was truly a love that was made and one that won't be ever forgotten and I'm glad others who weren't there saw it too <3

[pkmn-smashorpass]

I may only have 1,000 followers but they’re the most dedicated folks I’ve ever seen

[jrueships]

been finding out abt sauce gardner from scrolling through your blog and like,, there’s something seriously wrong and sooo compelling abt him like why does he want to fuck aaron rodgers sm…

HELDPF

i am SO glad i am ur 'wtf is that thing doing now' messenger of sauce. he is SO weird... just a weird girl forced to play football. im like obsessed. when ur skrungle is an absolute loser malefailure of a man. ugh. have this old art of sauce and joey b that i won't explain the context to, but yes. Pls join the sauce (gravy) train. We're all just watching him run off the rails bcs he wants to get railed. it's rlly an excursion

[riddlerosehearts]

i found ur blog recently after becoming incredibly infatuated with twst but specifically idia shroud (my friends said i act like him to an uncanny level and they were absolutely right...) and i love your vilidia posts dearly. ok that's it thank u

OMG that's so awesome, welcome to the twst fandom and congrats on having such fantastic taste in characters and ships lol!! i adore vilidia (obviously, if my whole vilidia tag is any indication) but i haven't posted about them in so long, i hope you don't mind if i use your ask as an excuse to share some silly little headcanons that i don't believe i've posted before:

so i think that when vil was like, 10 or so, his dad tried to encourage his love of potion-making by getting him one of those candy chemistry kits. the ones that come in super cute colorful boxes and teach you how to make things like exploding pop rocks and glow-in-the-dark gummies while explaining the science behind it. (here's a picture of basically the exact thing i'm thinking of.) but vil, poor sweet little vil who'd already let the brutality of the entertainment industry make him believe that he needed to be absolutely perfect, just rolled his eyes and said he was too old for that stuff and that all of that candy wouldn't be good for him anyway. he never once touched the kit, even though part of him probably did really want to.

and i also think that at some point, after he and idia had started dating, idia bought one of those same kits online and just barely mustered up the courage to ask vil if he'd like to join him and ortho in making some of the candy. he claimed the entire thing was ortho's idea, but vil could tell that idia really wanted them to do this together and he decided it'd be okay to indulge his boyfriend just once. as he actually made the candy he realized that although it obviously didn't teach him a single thing he didn't already know, it was still a lot of fun and he wished he hadn't rejected things like that as a kid.

also, speaking of chemistry, there's a voice line in-game where idia implies that he is not good at it. so while i think he and vil would be fascinated by each other's different fields of scientific interest and would love talking about it together i also think that one day idia just very overdramatically goes like: "omg i'm doing soooooo bad in my chemistry classes... if only some super smart and kind and very attractive person would help me out..."

and vil responds by telling idia that he most certainly does not share his younger brother's talent as an actor. but he agrees to help anyway and then they have cute study dates.

idia's habit of starting to excitedly infodump about his interests only to suddenly get embarrassed and stop persists for a while into his relationship with vil but every single time it happens, vil encourages idia to keep going. he often says things like "oh, are you done already? that's a shame, i was so looking forward to hearing more about sora's journey to save kairi". it takes a long time but eventually idia gets to a point where he's so comfortable around vil that he doesn't feel embarrassed anymore.

[toast-tales]

Hiya Toast, I also write G/t, and I've also been on a long break lately. I just wanted you to know that 1. I feel an incredible unspoken solidarity with you, even though we don't really know each other lol. 2. You have at least one person keeping tabs on your stories, and excited for more things from you (hi, it me) 3. Don't feel bad about taking your time.

I say this all because it's something I struggle with: feeling like no one really cares about my writing, while equally feeling guilty when I run into life/ writers block/ whatever is keeping me from writing at the time, and fear that when I do post again everyone will have given up and lost interest in my works. I've found myself wanting to hear this, so I figured there was a chance others might feel the same way. So anyway. I want you to know that you're not alone in this, your writing is really good, and no pressure to write (we are people, not content machines after all) but I know you'll have people excited to read your new chapters when they come. <3 I hope all is well. - 🍎

SOBBING

I really appreciate you taking the time to send me all this - it really means a lot to me!

It can be disheartening at times if I don't think there is anyone reading my work, but I know that there are people like you out there and it does give me a little happiness to remember that every now and then ❤️

I'd like to say I write completely independently, just for my own fun - and I do, but I'd by lying to say that I'm not putting my writing on the internet in the hopes someone else gets something out of it.

It's also the nature of the beast when one decides to start posting a story without *actually* finishing it beforehand - plot stuff happens, and I've been deliberating the last few chapters of Cursed Cravings for a while. All that on top of being super busy at work, and doing a lot of other things IRL, and you get a hiatus, unfortunately.

But knowing that there are people out there who care - it will help me get back into it, hopefully soon. So thank you very much, anon ❤️ best of luck with your story, too!

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

dilfguru is EVERYTHING <333 he came across so dominant to me but like. in the most gentle way?? like it’s not forceful or combative. it’s just that calm, loving, genuine dominance. the kind that’s comforting (lowkey relaxing?? why do i feel like dilfguru gives asmr-ist vibes? 👀 teehee). soft dominance, to me, sorta feels like a really warm embrace. you captured that essence so beautifully in this fic. nothing about his dominance felt… threatening? idk if i’m making sense let me shush 😩 it was very natural and seamless, like all of your creations <3

it’s so rare to see suguru characterized so well and so accurately. the way you write him (and all characters tbh) is so gorjus. exquisite. a delicacy, if you will!!! i’m so so happy i’ve found you. the way you write is absolutely breathtaking, i can’t get enough. YOU ARE A GEM. i hope you have an amazing day and i hope you sleep so so good and have the best dreams. <3

ANONNNNNNNNN

this ask is so sweet i can’t handle it AND THAT’S SOOOOO REASSURING TO HEAR??????? that’s EXACTLY how i wanted him to come across lmao. he’s so dominant!!!! but in such a gentle & soothing way!!!!!!! not threatening at all… he just has this Presence to him that i think melts you completely :’) he’s so sweet. and confident. and comforting!!!

just being next to him is like free asmr tbh bc can you even imagine living your life with that honeyed voice in your ear……. imagine it anon………. him leaning in close to whisper in your ear while guiding you through a crowd with his hand on your lower back… orrrrr he’s cradling you close in the morning and rasping out a deep, sleepy greeting…. 😵‍💫😵‍💫 yeah.

tysm for your sweet words 🥹 it always means so much to hear people like my characterization, especially when it comes to someone as complex as suguru….. it’s a delicate balance between his gentle nature and more dominant traits <3 and i’m so happy you enjoy it!!!! YOU are an absolute gem and i’m so happy you found your way to me 🥹🥹 ily.

[ssreeder]

rereading one of the best pieces of literature ever made (liab) and godddddd it's so good like I remembered it being great but really it's so so good. also your writing has improved so so much your style your everything oh chefs kiss !!

AWWWWWW SHUCKS YOURE SO NICE THIS IS SUCH A NICE ASK AWWWWW IM BLUSHING :):):):)

(& omg thank you for the compliment on my writing! I am so sure it has improved over the years,,, I had no idea what I was doing in the beginning ahhh and I still don’t know what I’m doing but at least I have grasped the basic concept after a million words haha)

[hrokkall]

in shambles over all the art posted here... like i feel like every time you post something here ill have a heart attack i just keep scrolling thru ur art and my jaw drops every time. especially love how you use framing in all your arts. ohhhj my god youre so awesome. its so cool keep up the good work

I genuinely have no words. This is seriously such high praise; thank you so much for the kind words <3

[tartarduck]

Omg omg

HIIIII! :D

I

I LOVE YOUR ART

*ahem*

I love your art so much! I saw some of it on Pinterest, google and yt and oh my god I was in LOVE WITH IT

I think I've seen a few on hoyolab as well!

It's so cute and perfect!

And luke just looks so so cute! And his daughter xia xia is even cuter!

I never thought I'd find you here on tumblr but I am so so glad I did!

I love your art and I hope you keep making it in the future!

Seriously looking at your art is one of the best things that's ever happened to me!

Hi!!!!!

Thank you so much for sending this in T_T I'm so happy you like my brainrots HAHAHA sometimes it feels like I'm sending my art into the bottomless pit that is the internet (especially on tumblr because I started this blog as an archive and I'm not very good at being active 90% of the time) so I'm always super surprised to see people find me somehow.

Anyhow anon, you've made my day today <33 I'm lowkey addicted to social media so the art won't stop any time soon (but I'm probably going to be taking a little mental health break for a while until after exams).

[chillbean-427]

Hello! This is heart anon.

I really like your art, even if you might think it doesn’t look like much. I can see the improvement!

Make sure to take care of yourself. Drink water and all that.

Thanks for reading,

-❤️anon

Omg, thank you so much heart Anon!! I really appreciate the kind words!

Sorry for the late reply, I didn’t see this until I got home from school and took a break from work

It makes me so happy to hear that you like my art! I haven’t been having the time to finish some artwork of mine (that I really wanna post here but can’t because school sucks :,D) so it makes me really happy to hear that!

I also appreciate you saying that I’m improving. Sometimes I don’t feel like I am, so it warms my heart to hear that! I always love it whenever people like my art! 🩷🩷

I promise I’m taking care of myself and drinking lots of water (from the cup named after my boy Stanley hehe)

[dipplinduo]

This is a little embarrassing to say, but your fic has seriously helped me in the final months of my husband's deployment and got me out of a slump to draw again from someone's hc they posted here. I know it's so silly but thank you for helping me during my darkest time

Oh my gosh.

Honestly this is probably the kindest and most sincere comment I think I've ever received. I can't imagine the loss you're feeling right now and I hope the next few months go by quickly so you two can be together. I'm glad my writing/this blog and community has been a good space for you to keep your mind off of things. I think it makes complete sense to be in a slump, and it's amazing that you could feel creative and inspired in spite of what's going on; this speaks so many volumes about your strength and character.

All the writing & blog stuff will continue to be here - I hope it can continue to be a source of comfort. Your ask was also anything but silly. Thank you so much for sharing, and seriously, it's such an honor to know that it's all been helping during a tough time. <3333 (P.S. lowkey??? If there's ideas you want me to write about somewhere I am so happy to see where I can squeeze them in just for a lil' day brightener.)

[oddogoblino]

the way you tag stuff with such joy and love and appreciation really makes me smile. keep doin ur thing

My gobtism instincts to share my incoherent emotional reactions to things that make me happy are very strong, I'm glad people enjoy that about me!! I hope to keep spreading joy, even if it's just through my silly things.

Keep smiling ^^☆ it makes the world a lil more nicer

[nekomortiz]

I’ve been following you since at least 2021, I must say, it’s good to still see you around and doing well after everything that happened around that time.

Anon you are my ride or die now we will go thru the flames of hate and hell as one