#but stupid little me wants to post the first part XD

[kuiinncedes]

whee i wrote something

[ciphykiss]

< incubus (ii) >

blade x f!reader; implied nsfw (only un-explicit part), mdni (implied) somnophilia

a/n: second part of incubus, but stave off the thirst for now XD

“Declined.”

You blink, once, twice, dazed—you count every checkered tile in your peripheral vision, wondering if you’d misheard. Bewildered, you straighten from your previously bowed stance, head tilted to the side. Jingyuan pays you no mind, bent over a fortune scroll stamped with Master Diviner Fuxuan’s insignia. Behind him, Yanqing can only stare, wide-eyed.

“Excuse me?”

Those infuriating, once captivating (but now more serpentine than anything else) golden eyes peer up at you, unperturbed. “Upon careful evaluation, it has been deemed that [Name] of Cloudford’s maximum security detention center is to remain deployed at her post indefinitely—until the case of the stellaron hunter is sealed and closed.”

“By whom?” You demand, fists clenching the fabric of your dress. “‘Indefinitely’? Exactly how long is that? This is ridiculous, and against the very rights printed on Section 35 of the Luofonian Codex—”

“By me.” Jingyuan rests his scroll atop his checkerboard. “And I’m sure you’re aware by now, but the Codex also states every Arbiter General is free to exempt and circumvent said articles when deemed necessary.”

“You can’t be serious,” you hiss, slamming your hands over the table; you see Yanqing bristle, hands cleaving for his sword, and Jingyuan has to raise a hand to temper his retinue that had, no doubt, risen to their feet and aimed rifles at your head. You pay them no mind; the vampire-bruises from last night sting as a reminder of your paranormal plight, caked under layers of foundation and color corrector. There’s an odd sting that shoots up your left leg, making it slightly difficult to stand upright. “You’re making me a prisoner of the flagship?”

Jingyuan sighs, resting his chin on a hand; ah, it’s that attitude again, all unbridled kindness and fleeting exasperation, like waves atop a morning sea. Over time, it spells more patronizing than it does calming, and urges you to reenact the more violent (and less whorish) parts of your lucid dreams. Your fingers twitch at the sight of his unmarred cheek.

“Why must you always assume the worst of me, my dear assistant?”

A droll stare. “You uprooted a fresh graduate from her position as amicassador, took advantage of her naivete to weasel in mutable terms in her contract, had her work an eight to ten schedule with unpaid overtime, and encouraged said amicassador graduate with no background in combat to cross-examine one of the most wanted criminals in the galaxy.”

“First of all, what you are not paid in overtime is delivered to you in the forms of generous bonuses and an exceptional annual raise,” Jingyuan argues, scandalized by your declarations. Even Yanqing looks to him accusingly now. “And as for your meeting with… our newest problem, well, that’s a result of your own belligerence, isn’t it?” He taps his table with his knuckle, the first signs of irritation stretching over his usually composed visage. “You were instructed to meet with me as soon as you arrived on scene. If you had, I would’ve taken the time to inform you of what you were getting yourself into, and the risks associated.”

You throw your hands up in the air. “Well, fuck me for not considering my employer would throw little old me into a foray of top ten most wanted killers! I don’t know what you want me to say, Jingyuan, especially considering how little regard you’ve shown me for my entire career at your stupid post.” Your lips curl. “And you wonder why your turnover rate looks like it crawled out of Tingyun’s first year exam scores. Unbelievable.”

“Mind your tongue; there are children present,” Jingyuan snaps, but neither you nor his blond heir really give a damn. In fact, Yanqing looks like he’s fighting a smile. At least someone found the situation funny. “Regardless—this is a decision that has been agreed upon by both Diviner Fu and I. Thus, your resignation request has been… well, rescinded.”

His lips twitch into an almost-smile, and despite sounding like he meant official business, you can tell the bastard is enjoying this. You gaze mutely at the hastily-scrawled resignation essays you’d filled out at 6 AM over coffee stains and ink splatters, untouched beside a gold, ornate vase on the Jingyuan’s table; the general raises a brow at your lack of ire, likely expecting glares or creative (but politely-framed, as to not earn a bullet to the back of your head) death threats by now.

Instead, you smile. Jingyuan immediately grows wary.

“Article 6, subsection 23,” you purr, “Any defamation or destruction of property belonging to the Arbiter-General of the Xianzhou Luofu will result in the permanent termination of said civil servant’s contract; punishments include, but may not be limited to, a six-month leave of absence from all organized labor.”

You grin. Jingyuan’s eyes widen.

“...whatever it is you’re planning, do no—”

“I think I’m long overdue for a vacation, don’t you, general?” You sing, and the general and his compatriots can only watch in slack-jawed horror as you raise the vase (an armistice gift from the Marshall Hua) and send it shattering onto the tile.

Deathly silence fills the halls of Jingyuan’s palace. Jingyuan doesn’t look up at you when he speaks, low and gritted, as damningly close to murderous as you’d ever heard him.

“Take her away. Solitary confinement. Two hours—then ensure she returns to her duties. This time, I want completion.”

Your smile drops.

“You—!”

And then you’re thrashing, the ends of your heels digging uselessly into the ground. The stupidly beefy arms of his personal guards yank you backwards to your makeshift cell (the infirmary), preventing you from falling backwards on your face.

“You can’t do this to me!” Your shrieks go unacknowledged; Jingyuan is too busy mourning over his dumb vase. “Jingyuan, you bastard! This is a violation of my rights! Terminate me! Throw me in jail! Anything but back there!”

Yanqing glances over the broken shards glinting over filtered sunlight. “General… is it really okay to let her go like that?”

The silver-haired man sighs, weary and a thousand years older than his already-dreaded age; he picks up a shard and examines it for any signs of salvageability (there are none). “Despite her… grievances, Diviner Fu has already determined her ‘likely favorable but not quite necessary’ for this case. I’m afraid she would’ve had to stay regardless. Though I do wish my dear assistant was even a smidgen more… agreeable.”

“—I knew I should’ve let Tingyun leak your 18+ sauna album! Just you watch, Jingyuan, after I’m through—”

“She has what.”

ꨄ︎

“—so please, for the love of all Aeons, I don’t care if it’s your stripper alias or Foxian Beauty & Haircare handle, just please, give me something to work with,” you groan, finding yourself at the mercy of the selectively mute space murderer with both your clothes and hair disheveled from fighting off (clawing at) Jingyuan’s men. Your throat aches from two hours of screeching obscenities, begging for mercy, and finally, prayer (unfortunately, you’d never been pious, and Lan had likely forsaken you by now). You’d thrashed, flipped the nursing cot upside down, shattered glass vials against the walls, and fallen to a half-dead heap on the floor by the time you were dragged in to resume bio-data collection.

If he registers your incessant whining, the space-criminal doesn’t show it; he says nothing for a long while until the void fills with the sound of incessant pen-tapping against your digital clipboard.

His mouth bends into a frown. “Stop that.”

“So he speaks,” you drawl, sarcastic. “Tell you what—why don’t you share your introductions with the class—me—and I’ll stop yammering. Easy as that.”

“Is it necessary?” He inquires cryptically. “Why don’t you just ask that general of yours—I’m sure Jingyuan would be able to sate your curiosity.”

Your rhythmic tapping ceases. “You know Jingyuan?”

That, he doesn’t answer; you observe him as he lapses back into silence, as dark and brooding as ever before, and feel the welts on your neck itch, an obtrusive reminder of your night terror (your dubbing isn’t quite accurate, but the label makes you feel better about yourself). Then, you resume clacking your pen in tribute to the morning show you’d catch glimpses of on the way to hell (work), and observe the tick working on the man’s jaw.

“...Blade,” he says at last, the word cutting like the edge of a serrated knife; you blink. Blade. The name suits him, somehow—all edge and red, like the backdrop of a battlefield. “...but here, Ren.”

You’re tearing through the bio-data form like a storm; two lines is enough. You’ll make it enough. Blade/Ren. Affiliation: likely Xianzhounian. Fabric points to a prime of at least five-hundred years prior; further trace collection is needed. Picture comparison of clothing necessary for evaluation. Suspected relation with Luofu General—unsure if this is an attempt to derail from questioning/true identity. Unlikely, but possible. Discouraged communication style. Psychiatric evaluation necessary; put-off by rhythmic tapping. Likely suffers from heightened senses; could be a result of battle-trauma or mixed genetics (both?). Likely a Xianzhou Native; probable Homo celestinae, blood testing required for confirmation.

“Blade,” you murmur, and the name rests oddly comfortably in your mouth; a strange moniker, but it sounds almost sweet when you say it, as if meant to be spoken. The man—Blade—shifts, not out of discomfort or regulation, but as the first non-forced physical acknowledgment you’d managed to wrench out from him. 

His lips curve into a sneer when you continue scritching.

“All figured out, from just a name,” he mocks. You raise a brow.

“Does that offend you?” You tap your pen in thought, conjuring up the next bullet point. Easily offended by assumptions. Possible insecurity? 

To your surprise, he grazes a smile—but not your regular, run-of-the-mill grin. It’s malefic, a touch depraved, like staring into a hollow skull. “No. Fantasize all you want. So as long I ruin you in every end.”

You nearly drop your clipboard.

“I could ruin you,” his voice echoes. “I could make it burn. You would dream of me in the waking world, cry for me in the dreaming. A slave to passion, day and night; hardly sleeping, hardly eating, merely breathing…” 

No. Impossible. There’s no way—it can’t be—

Gingerly, you finger the skin over your pulse point. The bruised kiss hisses upon contact; you feel the hummingbird-flutter of your own heartbeat.

“Do you dream?”

You don’t know why you blurt that particular phrase; you suppose it’s more acceptable than “did we almost-fuck in my (our?) dream last night”. Still, you observe the intergalactic space criminal with heightened scrutiny, wishing (now more than ever) he didn’t have that cursed blindfold on.

You never realized just how much is missed from the eyes alone.

If there’s any reaction, he doesn’t show it; his next words are mere remnants of what they should be, like bones atop carcass.

“I do not recall the last I dreamt.”

You swallow, the first needles of paranoia sinking into your spine. That should be answer enough. But you wonder why it feels like a dance between confirmation and indifference; anything but denial. Suddenly, you think you hate him; his archaic, cryptic remarks, his riddles and his ambiguity.

“Not worthy enough for recording?” he cuts through the silence, the cruelty of a half-smile gallivanting across your vision. You realize you’d been spaced out, pen hanging between downturned fingers, and curse.

“...think nothing of it,” you mutter. You deem the passage worthy enough for Jingyuan’s approval (it isn’t) and chuck the pen backwards. It dematerializes into the confines of your clipboard. “I should offer you my services once more, but I’m sure neither of us truly wishes for that. A word of advice—behave yourself, and the general might allow you to roam the cell unshackled for certain hours. I’m sure there’s nothing you want more than a hairbrush by now,” you snort. Blade doesn’t reply.

“Danyin,” you murmur, catching the man by his cuff when you exit the hall; he looks frazzled, as if half-expecting you to return with a missing limb (likely a touch disappointed when you don’t; you don’t consider yourself particularly lenient when forced into this scummy duty). “Do me a favor. I want you to place a recording device outside his cell; one of those high-tech thermal ones that can navigate through the dark.”

Danyin pales. “D-digital recordings—any recording—outside what is sanctioned by the general himself is strictly prohibited! I don’t even have cle—”

You unclasp your wristwatch and replace it with Danyin’s own; the man can only babble out a half-hearted protest when you do, mourning his defeat already.

“I’d do it myself, but I’m not exactly out of general douche-canoe’s radar,” you sigh, tightening the clasp. Danyin mumbles something about hiring an underwriter for his will, to which you offer a sunny grin and a pat on the back. “I’m counting on you, friend!”

He mutters something about you being as shitty as Jingyuan. You pretend not to hear it.

ꨄ︎

“A dream demon?” Tingyun snorts, pushing the newly-gifted sunglasses she’d received from a Yaoqing merchant that served as General Feixiao’s retinue down her nose. “You can’t be serious. Please tell me you didn’t make me cancel my hair appointment to play therapist for your psychotic break. How many times did I tell you to just quit and work with me in—”

You yank down the collar of your dress, having wiped off the excess makeup in the restaurant bathroom prior. “Look.”

“For the love of—oh. Oh.” She tilts her frames downwards, viridescent hues assessing the damage. “You got yourself a suckerfish? Careful with those—one starskiff romp shimmied into your lunchbreak and they think they own you.”

“Actually, my very preventable trauma from waking up next to Dai—Daiqiu? Daiqing? Has rendered me unable to pursue any bedmates since,” you sniff. Tingyun rolls her eyes.

“You sure you didn’t wobble into Inferno after your shift and had a couple shots too many? We all know it’s all south after your third martini. And your impairment the following morning.”

“You and I both know I don’t get off until midnight, and you were there when we both got banned from Inferno!”

“Maybe if you hadn’t laughed at the owner’s son and called him fossilized when he asked for a three—”

“He was at least as old as my grandfather, Ting! Without the Jingyuan-tier looks to make up for it!”

“Jingyuan isn’t that old—wait, do you still have a crush on him? What happened to—”

“That’s beside the point!” You swat her hand off the straw of her mid-afternoon cocktail, knocking her jade bracelet against the glass. The heat of it fogs the hexagons scattering rainbows onto the counter, and you are acutely reminded of the matching anklet that dangles on your left, forever warm and secured to your person. “I know you barely passed history—”

“Hey.”

“—but Foxian history can be traced as far back as the Long’s Scions, can it not? Surely there has to be something you picked up over the years. Maybe some old stories, some superstition…”

“[Name],” Tingyun sighs, “are you seriously asking me if I remember any bedtime stories?”

“So there is? Something, I mean?”

“You’re honestly better off taking that to a Vidyadhara historian or a senior Xianzhou Native,” Tingyun admits, to which your face cripples, because Aeons knows your social life had been reduced to zilch after your recruitment (and there was no way you’d press the matter to Jingyuan; you had no doubt he and Diviner Fu could grapple onto the dirtiest details of your midnight escapades). She swishes her drink with her straw in thought. “Foxian lifespans are but fleeting compared to the stories of our other long-lived peers; what are four hundred years, after all, to rebirth and a thousand?”

It’s said with a twinge of envy; you know Tingyun is not like Xianzhou commonfolk who dread their existence and eventual descent to madness. Life is—will never be—enough for her, never enough wine to drink, men to seduce; never enough jewelry and lost merchandise for Whistling Flames.

“We do, however, have our love stories—love and lust and betrayal and wroth, they’re quite similar, don’t you think? And the tales of the Foxians pale in comparison to none.”

“This isn’t about love,” is your immediate response. Tingyun arches a fine brow.

“Isn’t it, though?” With that, she reaches out to redo the buttons on your collar. Heat creeps up your ears. “Passion… this is something Foxians are accustomed with. We love our wine and jade, men and women all the same; I’m sure you know this,” she laughs, and you feel the fox-carving against your anklet simmer. “You know of the Xianzhou belief of soul partners, do you not?”

“Of course.” You reach down, absently, to tickle the jade that had been gifted (shackled) to you on your graduation day. “There’s the, erm, chosen ones, right? Bosom friends, sworn brothers—”

“That’s right; and they’re referred to as chosen for a reason.” She points the end of her olive stick at you. “It is the highest form of love, for some; philia, at the end of the day, is a choice,” she ignores your grumble of “where was mine”, “though, arguably, many believe these soul partners were predestined to be in your life. We gift our jade to these soul partners, and the Vidyadhara share a similar custom, but with bracers; warmth indicates the wearer’s partner is alive and well, and there is a belief that these gifts will eventually bring one back to the other, in life, death, dreams, or otherwise.” She narrows her eyes. “Though there’s no reason, seeing as I’d rather be caught dead than star in your rogue fantasies.”

“Wasn’t ever an option,” you mutter.

“There is another, more outdated; I’ve only ever heard stories about it, and some say the encounter died since the plague of abundance ravaged the long-lived. It’s less of a choice, more a force of nature; or so I’ve been told. A bunch of rubbish, honestly, but there does exist stories of another kind of soul partner—one that embodies a more… debauched role. I suppose soulmate is a loose term; these stories have long since been discarded, scoffed at as crude; these are the stories of scorned lovers, of passion, bedroom woes and death and betrayal; truly, nothing worth writing home about. I’m sure we’ve progressed enough as a society to leave behind such primal relics.”

Your head spins at the sudden onslaught of information; you inhale through your nose, pinching the bridge between two fingers. Tingyun finishes the contents of her drink, suckling the heart-shaped straw dry. “And what… what does that have to do with…”

“With your suckerfish?” Tingyun grins, dodging a kick under the table. “I’m getting to that. There’s a story—just one that I can remember, at least. My Lady wasn’t fond of me rummaging through those particular texts.”

“No wonder you turned out to be so godless—ow!”

“...like I was saying. There exists a…largely banned text. A bit blasphemous, but more so an overreaction, on the elders’ part; I’ll spare you the details, but the story can be loosely translated as The Foxian’s Obsession. Not the most creative of titles, I’ll admit, though it is fitting; it weaves the tale of a long-lived Foxian’s adoration of a short-lived fisherman. The woes of past society would not permit her to seek out a man of such fragility, and eventually, the fisherman married; the Foxian, hurt, enraged, and heartbroken, would curse the fisherman to an eternal sleep.”

“Sounds like one of those ex nightmare stories on Foxian Lipstick Alley,” you chortle.

“Imagine being so obsessed,” Tingyun snorts. “Anyways, the wife and family of the comatose fisherman start seeing ‘love marks’ on him, find him dead one day, bleeding from the mouth; the wife is put on trial until they discover news of said Foxian having passed in her sleep, coincidentally, with the same comorbidity.”

“What the fuck.”

“Creepy, isn’t it? Now, if that were the case with you…”

“Tingyun!” You screech. The Foxian snickers at your distress. “This isn’t funny! What if this dude’s some creepy old Foxy spirit disguising himself as some space criminal hunk to get into my pants and commit murder-sui!”

“Your drawers are in need of a seasonal refresh…”

“Tingyun, you bi—”

“Aeons, relax,” the amicassador slaps your arm in poor reassurance. “These are mere whispers of the past. The first starskiff hadn’t even taken flight when it was published. Besides, does your dream demon present with ears and a tail? You know that’s our one indisputable giveaway…”

“...no, he doesn’t,” you begrudge, a sigh of relief escaping you. Tingyun rolls her eyes.

“Then there you have it. I’m sure this is just a consequence of your ridiculous work hours—how many times must I tell you stress is bad for beauty? You’re even losing pockets of memory…”

“...you’re right. That must be it.”

“So? what happened to your resignation letter?”

“Don’t get me started—”

You vent the happenings of this morning to Tingyun, who, for the first time, appears rather irked; it’s not a common look for the Foxian, as leisurely and unbothered as a nepo-child of Lady Yukong can be, though you suppose even she has her limits on witnessing you falling victim to workplace abuse.

Throughout the conversation, you concoct the margins of your plan; the cameras should be set up by now, if Danyin is at least half-competent. You touch your now-fading love bites and make a mental note to pick up another bottle of fantasia.

If working with Jingyuan blessed you with any positives, it’s your seasoned thirst for vengeance—and the earlier you act, the swifter (and sweeter) your prize.

Perhaps it was a fluke. Perhaps it was a once-in-a-lifetime, paranormal encounter—but on the off chance it isn’t, well, now you’d be prepared.

Because if he can ruin you, who’s to say you can’t return the favor?

[snickerdoodlles]

finally posting some background notes for red line fic under the cut !! i meant to do this [checks wrist] an embarrassingly long time ago, except i get shy talking about my writing hjgfjhfj. so!! reading thru red line here and dumping out some thoughts as we go!! for @the-cookie-of-doom <333

red line started with this post. (me, every time i say i'm not going to write something: *grabs clown nose*) i wanted a fic where Chay watched Kim fight because 1) Chay deserves this, ep14 bar fight my BELOVED, but also 2) Kim's put a lot of effort into sectioning parts of his life off from each other, so it's SUPER FUN from a writing perspective to throw them all together and watch him flounder.

planning out red line, it was either going to be Kim pov if it was pre-mafia reveal, or Chay pov post-reveal. both of which are really fun!! but i wound up going for a pre-reveal scenario mostly because this was supposed to be sHORT and a Chay pov didn't feel right without a reconciliation or a lot of setup otherwise. so Kim pov it was! then it was a little bit of rolling ideas around for why goons would be present period. i landed on Arthee's fuck-ups causing problems before Chay's first kidnapping mostly because i didn't want too many guns involved (there was just. no way Kim could've easily protected Chay in that without sending him away for real, which defeats the purpose) but i wound up really loving that premise and committing for a few other reasons:

Kim never brought any of the mafia into Chay's life in canon. all of the mafia bullshit Chay gets dragged thru is related to his own family being involved in the mafia (none of which Chay knows about!), which is very crunchy to me.

loan sharks breaking down Chay's door was his normal. like. i feel like this goes largely ignored by a lot of fandom, but Chay's normal is gang thugs destroying his stuff and him needing to patch up his loved ones. the fucking things that does to a kid.

i just really like Arthee as a plot device. he kinda got left off to the side by canon (which!! fair!! they were juggling a lot of balls there and i'm glad they dropped him in favor of other characters/plots), but you can also see how much i loved the "Chay gets kidnapped because of Arthee's debts" kimchay premises from the early fic days in here XD

writing Kim and Chay in a Tutoring Session, No Really, It Looks Like A Date But This Is Tutoring Honest date was ridiculously fun. i love putting boys in situations. but i also just??? really like them being friends??? well, flirty friends here, but it's so important to me how much Kim and Chay just like spending time together. they're two very lonely boys and i'm very happy they found each other <333

also, Kim telling himself he's not flirting while flirting and encouraging Chay to flirt with him. disaster boy <33333

i spent probably a silly amount of time thinking about what weapons to give Kim (originally, i wasn't going to give him any). i didn't want it to be knives because while that's very hot of him, knife fights are…very, very rough. far more like that one mission impossible movie than elliot from leverage or literally any other movie knife fight, and while patching up knife fight wounds is excellent, i already have that for a different WIP. i also just don't see Kim carrying outright weapons in with his university gear? maybe his first year, but not at the end of it, too much risk for things to go badly. hence, mace and brass knuckles-- the mace is one of those little keychain mace things you can buy in a pack (Kim's was a gift from a friend nearly a year prior, he was very startled and very confused by the offering lol). he got brass knuckles because i think Kim is all for something that helps minimize how hard/often he has to punch someone, but mainly because when i was looking at the keychain mace, i remembered those stupid 3D-printed keychain brass knuckles things also existed and amused myself thinking about how much they'd offend Kim. thanks to that thought train, Kim got a proper set to better break a dude's nose <3

Chay and Kim trying to shove the other behind them as the loan shark's thugs break down Chay's door still makes me laugh. i'm easy to please like that, i love that meme y'all.

Kim's running commentary on how stupid Gold Jim is was SO MUCH FUN to write. i like that Kim's irritation making Gold Jim comical didn't take away from how threatening the situation was either? like, obviously, it was less intense, that was the point, but i'm still really happy with how serious Kim feels through all of this because there is danger in the fact the idiots are looking for a fight, even if they haven't realized how outclassed they are yet.

also, i just really like the level of Kim's violence in his head. i like that it's just a stream of conscious he's not putting a lot of thought into. i just don't see Kim's relationship with violence as being a dramatic thing-- it's just that Kim's first thought any time he sees someone is how to break them, just incase.

Kim naming the thugs One thru Five was 100% for my writing convenience, i am SO delighted people loved that for him XD

Chay hitting a thug with the frying pan for interrupting his date was the first thing i knew would happen in this fic. Chay deserved to hit at least one(1) person with a frying pan in canon, so he got to do it twice here. Kim is DESPERATELY trying not to swoon, he's going to be so horny about this after the shock of everything wears off.

man, i cried a lot thru writing the action for this scene, but i'm really satisfied with how it came out actually!! WORTH IT

i am still ridiculously tickled by this particular "Oh" / Oh moment. KimChay making hearteyes at each other while the goons feel superfluous my beloved <333

Kim making a hot grunt sound while manhandling a guy twice his size into position for Chay to whack with his pan is going to fuel conservatively 83% of Chay's spank bank fantasies from here on btws.

writing Kim tell Gold Jim who he is was so much fun.

in that line of thought, if Kinn ever learned Kim threatened some thug with his name, he'd beam like a puppy. doubly-so if he realized the specific wording Kim used. his metaphorical tail would be wagging up a hurricane if he ever realized how much Kim associates him with safety and protection.

also very fun to me was Kim accidentally calling Chay his boyfriend and immediately swallowing his tongue about it. i didn't plan that, it just fell out of my brain like it did Kim's mouth and i went "okay!! we'll roll with this!!!"

"is the safety on" was Chay holding himself back by the barest skin of his teeth. he is going to get his mouth on Kim asap but he is NOT going to let some stupid emergency room trip ruin their first kiss. meanwhile, Kim's about to enter an angst spiral, lmao. (in my head, there's a dent in the floorboards from where Chay threw his frying pan away. it's amazing it didn't shock them out of their kiss, but Chay is not to be deterred dammit!!)

u all know me and how much i love my kiss fic, but ending this one with Chay having an adrenaline crash was delightful to write, i'm gonna need to do this more often XD Chay's 100% of the mindset he's either going to be horny or cry, and he'd much prefer to be kissed, tyvm!! unfortunately for him, i prefer tears. also, Kim keeps trying to use his mouth for pesky things like words, it is very unproductive towards Chay's current goal >:T

speaking of Chay's wild emotions-- i very much do not see Chay liking violence for violence's sake. he's had enough of people throwing their weight around him for a lifetime. he does, however, have the biggest thing for a hot boy coming to protect him, esp if the boy is Wik shaped. don't tell me Wik was part of Chay's gay revelation and tell me he DIDN'T have so many fantasies of Wik protecting him from the shitty loan sharks.

that said tho! reality =/= fantasy. Chay was terrified Kim was going to get hurt because of him, half his adrenaline crash was just worry for Kim :(

i'm not sure what to say about this next bit transitioning to the ending of this fic except that it was definitely the trickiest and the longest to write. Chay's drilling Kim for answers because Porsche has been absent for months, but Chay's not upset with Kim. (Kim's the one here with him! he's the one answering Chay's questions!) i wrote myself into a corner a few times with dialogue that was too accusatory for what i wanted. but also, this was the part when i was like "oh!! i know what the summary should be!!" because six thugs have nothing on the intimidation factor of Chay Has Questions XD

Kim saying he can go and Chay going "why tho????" made me laugh out loud writing this. i love Chay's terrible priorities so much. you will never be able to convince me that Chay wasn't 100% ready to accept Kim as part of the mafia so long as Kim cared about him, this boy is so ride-or-die for his whole two(2) important people. Kim trying to convince mr. obstinate he doesn't want him is even more futile than Kim trying to deny himself what he wants. esp as Chay calls Kim out for all his flirting <3

on a more serious note tho, i really like how Chay comes across during this part of the story. it's kinda like Kim's violence thing-- i see the core of Chay being very, very lonely. he really only has his brother in the world, who's not able to be home too much due to circumstance, and now isn't home at all. and then here comes Kim, reaching out to Chay and asking all about him and just plain being a friend to him-- of course Chay latched on. of course he's going to cling if he thinks Kim likes him back. he's too lonely not to.

Kim's little whispered "stay" was my driving force every time i got stuck on this fic, i love when Kim tries to tell himself all the reasons he's not allowed to want something and then ask for it anyways. that's what we in the business call character growth XD

to wrap up this very messy fic ramble, some lines i really, really love in this fic:

Kim's never wished for a gun before. Kim doesn’t like guns. They’re too fast. Too clean.

hehehe

Gold Jim chuckles menacingly. It’s like he’s following a theatre script. Kim’s going to break every bone in his body before he sets him on fire and applauds.

i'm not sure if anyone noticed??? but the specific items of torture are based on theatre/performance idioms-- "break a leg" and "you're on fire"-- hence Kim applauding at the end.

Kim reminding himself not to scare Chay by killing the idiots, light maiming ONLY

cleaning up blood is so annoying, anyone with a period can concur 😭

Chay stands over Three, wielding a frying pan with two hands and looking just as surprised with himself as the rest of them.

i'm just. so, so fond for the image of Chay staring with complete surprise between his frying pan and a guy he just gave a concussion. he just did that! he just did that???

“How’s that going for you?” Chay asks, warm and soft where he’s still pressed up against Kim, “Felt a lot like tutoring to me.”

listen. LISTEN. Kim's investiagation excuses to hang out with a cute boy he likes are so cute. Chay agrees with me. we are both so correct for this. Chay's going to tease Kim so much about this but also encourage it past this point, he loves Kim being obsessed with him too <3

[cherrywell]

Epic the musical thoughts as vengeance sage live happens

-ACT TWO (instantly got flooded with notifications)

-Oh no

-hair tuck ody

-HORNS

-slay 💅💅💅💅

-Scylla

-EURY!!! ISTG

-RUN FOR YOUR LIVES *crew panics*

-Eury the Hypocrite

-which one of you shits stabbed him?.

-not the cowsss leave them alone *goes to find my plush cow*

-*finds it and hugs it*

-DAMMIT EURYLOCHUS

-You killed my cow… my favorite cow…

-ZEUS!

-but we’ll die DUH.

-ITS THE BOYYYYYYYYY

-Athena just adopts Telemachus

-NO LITTLE ITHACA BOY YOU DONT WANNA BE LEGENDARY

-dogggyyyy

-BOY

-Xenia bitch

-LITTLE WOLF YESSSS play this at my funeral and if I don’t wake up I’m gone

-istg I listen to little wolf at least once a day

-honestly I have a stupid crack au where Ody and polites are a couple (poly Ody and Penelope) and Circe washes up on the shores of Ithaca and falls for Penelope and ody comes home with his bf and sees a bunch of pigs roaming the castle

-ody don’t doc urself

-TWERKING WINION

-THE BACKGROUND AAAHHHH YESSSSSSSS

-“goddesses can’t die” God Games:👁️👄👁️

-calypso why u gotta say open arms wtf girl

-GOD GAMES!!! ARES’ PART IS MY FAVORITE play that part at my funeral as well and again if I don’t wake up I’m gone

-*yells ares in chat*

-uncle hort

-ARES *yell’s again*

- HE DIDNT EVEN TRY TEQUILA!

-Hera was def side eyeing Zeus

-THUNDER BRINGER THROUGH THE WRINGER!!!

-Athena?…

-VENGEANCE SAGA!! Spoilers beyond this point

-I love you? Not in the way you want me too

-I kinda feel bad for her

-HERMES BAG I CANNOT AHAHAH

-FUCK CALLING THIS THE VENGEANCE SAGA ITS HERMES’ SHOW

-Hermes fucking breakdancing on the raft

-THE BAG UH OH…

-PRINCESSS WINION

-good luck and goodbye! (See my last post)

-he avoided it?! He’s going home!!! (Ik he’s not)

-Poseidon bitch.

-coward

-POSEIDON

-GET IN THE WATER IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!!! OMFG THIS IS BEAUTIFUL AAAAAA

-is ody gonna “there’s other ways of persuasion” his way out?

-nope

-POLITES AGAIN AAAAAAA WHY JORGE

-the bag…he’s using it as a jet pack

-HAH he can’t die but that means he has to suffer.

-two probably comatose gods

-“Next to my wife” Ahahahahhah XD

-one more saga… oh mannnnn

-fun fact I got into epic when underworld came out!

And wisdom was the first live I attended for epic

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog - Dofus, livre 1 : Julith [PART 5]

Forever obsessed with the way ecaflips can drink both using their tongue and just chugging liquids. Did he do this because he's nervous? Is he feeling cute? Am I insane?

One may say "Kerubim didn't tell anything was amiss to Joris because he didn't know it would be Julith", but tbh, the Ebony Dofus being stolen puts Joris in danger simply by the virtue of their connection, and Kerubim himself knows that.

He should have thought this through better. However, as we have established in the last 32498234 posts, he is stupid.

(I like to think that he went here really hoping that Bakara would say "some random rogues left with the ebony dofus LOL XD. Anyway yeah I still don't want Joris to know anything about his family or talk to me, godspeed on lying to him more, epic <3")

So real.

Something I didn't comment on is that Bakara is quite cold during this exchange: personally, she has no stake here. Unlike Kerubim, it's not like someone she loves might die or get hurt, — 10 years too late to care about that.

I think she is just quietly simmering with rage and trying not to kill half the patrons at this beautiful bar full of delicious alcohol.

I think Bakara is both worried that Kerubim told Joris nothing (meaning that the boy is in danger without knowing it (HE IS)) and that Kerubim might have told him something (which would mean that she would have to interact with him. They did have an agreement for a reason, after all...)

I think it's cool if she has conflicting priorities like that, though I know that the canonical reason behind that line is probably the first one.

Either way, this level of danger is enough for Kerubim to call off their agreement immediately.

Kerubim has 200000 different reasons to be deathly depressed about having to tell Joris about his family, but some of them are:

He beat his mother to near death and assumed she was dead for 10 years.

Joris's biological father is cooler than him, and he will lose the cool dad Olympics.

He doesn't want Joris to be saddled with this bullshit.

Joris will learn that all this time he had an aunt who wanted nothing to do with him because, to her, he is a spawn of her brother's murderer.

His mother is called "The Butcher of Brakmar"

His father is famous and illustrious and legendary.

Joris will be unhappy about being lied to for the past 10 years, including now, in a city that has a huge ass memorial to Jahash.

No matter how hard he gives, it seems like all Kerubim does is take. I think that's a pretty hard thing to realize about one's own parent.

Like for the past 10 years all he does is give, give, give, to a guy who cares sooooo much that once he almost left him without fingers by slamming a chest shut while Joris was holding it. The guy who was still treating and touching him like an infant when he was 7 years old.

That's when the darkness began, followers. He HATES Kerubim for this.

And I mean this unironically! When you're mad at someone you love, it can turn into a big case of "that bitch eating crackers syndome", where you remember every single slightly annoying thing they've ever done, — and it all suddenly seems like Proof of Irredeemable Evil on their part.

And it is kinda complicated because Joris does have a right to feel that way about Kerubim. In microcosm, most of the things he's done are pretty simple, — but it's 10 years of nothing but these small little fuck-ups with major fuck-ups in-between.

Some may say "noo" to this but, personally, I think Joris is based. He's growing a backbone.

I think it's likely that Indie was a stricter parent than Kerubim, and due to their similarities, she assumes that Kerubim will punish Joris. (Make him stand in a corner? Make him eat veggies? Make him shower? Who even knows.)

Jokes on her, Joris has likely not seen a single disciplinary action in his entire life, baybee.

[senjuushi]

Antique Gun Character Intros

Since a good few people have asked for this now, here's a character intro post covering the Rhodoknight Antiques! o3o Disclaimer that I do not know these characters anywhere near as well as I do the Moderns, and as a result, my takes are subject to change as I get a better feel for them. Still, I hope this post makes the Antiques more accessible to y'all and gets me some more requests for them... XD

. . .

This is Enfield. Outwardly, he appears to be polite, good-natured, and normal. He’s very much not that. A lot of Enfield’s character is shaped by his younger brother, Snider, whose terrible behavior and constant threats of remodeling Enfield to be “just like him” are a real handful to deal with. They deserve each other. Underneath his noble exterior, Enfield is a little freak. He’s obsessive, smothering, and neurotically desperate to be of use, with stalker-y tendencies and a bad habit of idol worship. He wants to be good and helpful, and he’ll do some highly disturbing things to accomplish that. His relationship with Snider also has a weird amount of tension... of the suspiciously suggestive variety.

. . .

This is Snider. He’s awful. Snider’s whole personality revolves around the fact that he really, REALLY doesn’t want to be a person. His belief that he’s still nothing more than a weapon leads him to a fixation on combat and an utter rejection of anything too human for his liking. This includes eating, sleeping, and bathing. His gun is a special case that was made right on the cusp of what separates a Modern and an Antique— and as a result, Snider is technically both. He can function as whichever side he chooses to and only defaults to Antique because that’s what he finds most useful. He’s Enfield’s younger brother, a directly adapted and functionally superior model of gun, and because of that, he’s constantly trying to “remodel” Enfield into the same type of gun. They have a weird relationship where Enfield babysits him, Snider is unfailingly bratty and threatening, and the suspicious levels of maybe-sexual tension are just plain weird. 

. . .

This is George. For the most part. He’s the embodiment of the “cheerful, stupid American” stereotype that’s so common in anime. An all-around sunshine boy, George is good-natured, friendly, sweet, and more than a little oblivious. His main issues come from the fact that he shares a body/gun with the “Brown Bess” personality (the poster boy of the first game). George feels inferior to Brown Bess in both his capabilities as a weapon and his value as an individual, and he repeatedly expresses a belief that everyone around him would rather have his counterpart in his place. Though he tries his best to be good and useful, he’s painfully aware that his existence is kind of a disappointment. He’s way too self-sacrificing for his own good. 

. . .

This is Kentucky. He’s more or less an overexcited puppy who REALLY wants to prove himself. Passionate, energetic, and with very little volume control, he’s somewhere between adorably earnest and annoyingly intense. He has a sort of one-sided rivalry with his older brother, Pennsylvania, where he’s aggressively trying to surpass his big bro... while Pennsylvania just wishes they could get along better. Kentucky is also pretty short-tempered; he’s perfectly respectful to his Master but ready to throw hands with other guns whenever the chance arises. He cares a lot about aesthetics and his appearance, wants Master’s attention desperately, and is definitely compensating for a lot of internal insecurity. 

. . .

This is Pennsylvania. He’s a laid-back guy with a love of hunting and the outdoors. The level-headed parallel to Kentucky’s hot-tempered enthusiasm, Pennsylvania is calm, independent, and a bit aloof. He can get caught up in his own way of doing things to the point of forgetting about others’ feelings, but he’s well-intentioned and generally kind. A reliable “big brother” type who looks after others, he very much seems like the type who’d willingly get hurt if it meant protecting someone he cares about. He doesn’t have a lot of pride in the sense of how he appears to others and is more concerned with doing what needs to be done than getting his way or looking good.

. . .

This is Charleville. He’s a sweet little guy who’s very damaged. In the game’s story, his previous Master (before the player owns him) is literally renting him out. For his healing abilities as an Antique, technically, but the more sexual implication is still very much there. Because of this renting out and his previous Master’s general mistreatment, Charleville has an intense fixation on purity, perfection, and being appealing to everyone around him. He’s delicate, gentle, polite, and affectionate, but also has a bad tendency of hiding any problems in an attempt not to bother people. He values his physical appearance and holds himself to a strict standard of behavior, though his more attention-seeking side does slip out from time to time. Charleville desperately wants to be loved, especially by his Master, but he’s convinced he has to be all but perfect to earn it. 

. . .

This is Chassepot. He’s Gras’s older brother and the source of MANY of Gras’s problems. Like Gras, Chassepot initially comes across as a polite, charming gentleman. That’s very intentional. He wants Master’s affection and approval desperately and does everything possible to come across as the kind of capable, pleasant person who his Master can rely on and be close to. Under that surface, though, Chassepot is dangerously prone to feelings of jealousy, inferiority, and comparing himself to others. He’s easily provoked and can have a violent temper with other guns, and his past failures haunt him endlessly. It’s likely that he has the same tendency for rabies as Gras, but is just better at keeping it contained... in the short term. We know from the previous game that Chassepot can snap, and when he does, it’s bad. 

. . .

This is Tabatiere. He’s a laid-back, inoffensive person who’s perfectly open about the fact that he’s meant for a support role, not the front lines. Usually functioning as Chassepot and Gras’s babysitter, Tabatiere sticks to the sidelines, minds his own business, and tries to be helpful where he can. He’s deeply insecure, however, and his self-esteem is so low that getting too much attention, even positive, makes him highly uncomfortable. He has the atmosphere of someone who willingly accepts anything bad that happens to him because he can’t imagine deserving better.

. . .

This is Dreyse. He’s an ultra-strict, ultra-serious sort who values rules, order, and hard work. Between his massive body and imposing personality, he comes across as highly intimidating... but he’s as respectful and obedient as can be when it comes to authority figures. Dreyse has high expectations of himself and his performance, to the point where he’ll accept nothing less than perfection. No matter what physical or emotional distress it causes him, he’ll do everything possible to fulfill his orders and succeed as a Musketeer. Deep down, he has a lot of guilt over his past and personal failings, and the only value he sees in himself is as a weapon and tool. Herme respects him massively, and the two are close in a kind of weird way. Dreyse ends up as his caretaker during Iron Days, for example.

. . .

This is Jitte. He has that kind of happy-go-lucky, easygoing personality where he’s both pleasant to be around and kind of a ditz. Very much “drunk goofy uncle” energy. When his self-esteem issues aren’t getting in the way, he can be quite affectionate (especially with Master). Sensitive, earnest, and emotional, Jitte has nothing but good intentions in mind with everything he does. He has the typical bizarre gun insecurity, though, and worries a lot about if he’s as useful and worthwhile as the other Musketeers around him. His gun also functions as a jitte, which is more or less an Edo-period police baton. Though he seems pretty carefree, Jitte is surprisingly hardworking and takes pride in being able to protect people. He’s very moral, with a strong sense of justice. 

. . .

This is Karl. He’s a dignified little man who, despite his youthful appearance, is the oldest gun in the series. As in, he’s from the early 1500s. A unique weapon who belonged to Emperor Charles V, Karl has a long and prestigious history, and he knows it. He’s proud and well-mannered, takes his status as a famous piece of history very seriously, and is quite concerned with how he appears and behaves in front of others. Showing weakness is hard for Karl. He does a lot to hide how lonely and weak he can be, including active attempts to remain aloof and relatively unattached to his Master. The most he can tolerate is a professional, weapon-and-wielder relationship, since anything else would be opening him up to even more loss. I think he’s also weak to stress and VERY bad at dealing with unfamiliar situations; being esteemed as a valuable relic for so long means that he’s pretty sheltered and more unused to physical pain than he wants to admit.

. . .

This is Lorenz. He’s kind of insufferable. The mad-scientist intellectual type, he has a massive ego and a superiority complex to match. His type of gun was made in both government and private factories, with the government factory-made ones being notably superior in function— and this Lorenz is one of those. Like a lot of the Antiques, he’s eager and insistent to prove that he’s a useful, high-quality tool, even and especially when that means making himself look good at others’ expense. He’s extremely loyal to Karl, to a kind of pathetic degree... and also absolutely terrified of Dreyse. That leads to the part where Lorenz is very much a coward who’s playing tough in the hopes no one will see through the farce. He’s easily agitated, neurotically stressed, and can’t stand things not going his way. 

. . .

This is Cutlery. He’s a little brat who has the typical bizarre-gun problem of pathetically low self-esteem. His gun is a weird one— it’s technically three guns disguised as pieces of silverware that were used on pirate ships as a covert weapon. Cutlery has a whole complex about how “cowardly” he is, and despite his prickly attitude and initial rudeness, he’s painfully shy, insecure, and unable to handle attention of any kind. He’s prone to idolizing people and desperately wants close relationships, but is too anxious, defensive, and afraid of being hated to open up to people without panicking. That said, he can be awfully needy and clingy once he’s attached. He also has a strong fixation on food, to the point where hoarding behavior and general food insecurity seem likely.

. . .

[ineffablecolors]

hey just wondering why you think Roy reuniting w Keeley post s3 would’ve been bad for him? I sort of agree but also don’t want to bash keeley in anyway so I haven’t talked about it

Heya! Thanks for the ask and sorry you feel like you can't discuss something though I do understand why. I'll preface this by repeating something I've said before - canon did such a horrible job of holding Keeley accountable for anything and wrote her as if she could do no wrong and fandom seems to have picked that up and totally ran with it.

I do love that when reading RoyJamie fanfic, I never see Keeley bashing, as you call it, because vilifying female chatacters is such common practice in fandoms. But Ted Lasso fandom seems to swing to the other extreme where I've never even read a fic where Keeley apologises for something? And you can't even quite blame the fans, they just picked what canon put down - Keeley can do no wrong.

So, first of all, I think simply judging Keeley's actions is not bashing at all, it's just treating her the way every character BUT her is treated in both fandom and show. I think Keeley, like almost every other character, has made plenty of bad decisions and mistakes and, personally, how I react to them is a mix of how well I can relate to her and something else. Jack, for example, was a very professionally questionable decision but I completely sympathise with Keeley for it because 1) she faced consequences for her mistake even if it's never acknowledged that she made one and 2) I can relate to it! Hiring Shandy on the other hand was such a monumentally stupid decision that I could never relate to, so it just makes me annoyed with Keeley and the fact that the show treated it as her just being too sweet and wanting to give another horribly unqualified woman a chance rather than as a point towards her lack of professional skills.

Anyway!! The something else is important for my answer. As much as I love discussing my favourite shows and try to be objective, I very rarely am. Once I pick a favourite character, my opinion of almost every other character is informed by how they treat my favouriteTM. Is that fair? No. Do I do it without fail? Yes. Do I feel bad for it? Umm, no, that's my baby, nobody is allowed to be mean to them xD

And this is how we get to the Roy Kent of it all (finally! christ, this is gonna be long, sorry but also thanks!). Roy's my favourite, my baby, my grumpy, old, emotionally constipated and physically aching romantic. Roy can and has done wrong, I'd never claim otherwise. But I'd still claim he's the best chatacter and one of the best people on the show. And he's always gonna put himself last on his list of priorities.

Which is why I fully admit that I judge Keeley extra harshly when it comes to her and Roy. For brief context - I totally shipped Roy and Keeley and think they were good for each other, for the most part, in s1, I was ecstatic they were together in s2 and still shipped them like hell on my first watch (which was binged with s1!) and less and less on every consequent rewatch, part of me still wanted them to be together and then to get back together in s3 until I actually watched it all and completely changed my mind.

Shall I finally answer your question? I don't think Roy should reunite with Keeley because he gives too much of himself and she gives too little. I don't believe they are well balanced and I dont believe he'd feel loved with her again.

That WAS brief! But if you'd like more detail...

I think as sweet and good-hearted as she's portraited, Keeley is inherently a selfish person. Now, we circle back to bashing and judging. I'm doing neither. I'm myself a selfish person in many ways, that's not the worst thing to be in some regards. But I think Keeley is especially selfish in her romantic relationships and that simply does not suit someone like Roy. When paired with a selfish partner, Roy would just give and give and blame himself for not getting as much back.

I'm not saying there haven't been some great moments between Roy and Keeley, full of affection and care from Keeley, such as the scene at the end of s1. That's probably my favourite moment of theirs. But there have been some pretty shit ones too that for me outweigh the good and, more importantly, came once they settle into the relationship.

As early as their first kiss, Keeley got so annoyed and impatient, she immediately slept with Jamie. I know the show took it as an opportunity to have a kinda feminist moment but can you picture that turned around? Roy and Keeley kiss after tons of flirting and build up, and the day after Roy sleeps with a girl Keeley has a proper (however childish) feud with just cuz she told him she was busy that night. That would've never been fine. Again, I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm saying it's the response of a person who only cares about what they want and doesn't plan for the future.

Then, we have the infamous "Roy is a fridge magnet" episode which I still can't wrap my mind around so gimme a sec here. Your boyfriend is too into you, is perfect (by Keeley's own words) but not giving you the space you haven't asked for. So, instead of talking to him - don't even get me started on people writing Keeley as a character who's good as communicating - girl, where?? - you talk about it to his boss, a bunch of his coworkers and your ex who has an antagonistic relationship with him, and eventually as you're spending time together and he's trying to share one of his interests with you, you start screaming bloody murder at him about how clingy he is. Do I have that all correct? All of this would have been forgivable ofc, miscommunication happens, people aren't perfect, etc, etc, expect... forgiveness was asked by the wrong person. What on earth did Roy have to apologise for? This is the #1 example for me of that show trying so hard to make Keeley a perfect sunshine girl boss that they made 0 narrative or even logical sense. Honestly I hate that whole episode with a fiery passion.

Then we have the funeral shenanigans, which I won't even get into because I think Roy was 100% hilarious in that and Keeley was 100% overreacting (and yes, that's a heavy term to use towards a woman but here's the thing... she was). I guess this would be a good place to talk about their ILYs as well. Roy's ILYs always come with an acknowledgement of Keeley's feelings and his own fault for hurting them in anyway. Keeley's first ILY though has absolutely nothing to do with Roy. She's happy about her own success and he's celebrating her. That's it. That's the first time we see her say I love you. Don't get me wrong, I don't think Roy's aren't better but I think that just proves why he couldn't be happy with Keeley. Every time he's said ILY, it's been tinged with sadness and guilt and self-incrimination. Why would I want him to be with someone who constantly inspires those feelings in him?

This is now definitely too long so I'll try to wrap up with s3 very quickly and mainly the fact that the episode Keeley is drinking alone in the pub is one of the only ones where Keeley faces consequence for her actions (in this case, sleeping with her boss - again, not something I blame or begrudge her for but also something she should've probably considered can get her funding pulled when it ends, see: never thinking about the future (and why I don't see Keeley being successful without people like Barbara or Rebecca but thats a different topic)). Keeley responds to being made to face the music by using Roy to make herself feel better. I'm sorry but there's no other interpretation of their hook up for me. He's just read her a very heartfelt apology, ending with another guilt ridden ILY and then he was leaving. Except she chased him down, not to say it back ofc, but to use him for sex.

Thanks, I hate it.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to the fact that I think Roy was right to break up with Keeley. Not because she's not a great catch and not because there was anything wrong with her being successful or needing time for herself but because they're not right for each other. Roy is too selfless and ready to blame himself for everything and Keeley is too focused on herself and ready to take advantage of that.

Roy is the kind of romantic that would tell his cabbie to date his wife and compose a playlist for the girlfriend who treated him horribly yesterday. He's the kind of guy that's had to bottle up all his emotions forever and never talks about himself with people and has had his fucking watch stolen by his fucking hook ups. He deserves someone *cough*Jamie*cough* who is absolutely obsessed with him! Who will appreciate the things he does for them and the time he spends with them rather than take them for granted at best and be annoyed at worst. Who will make him feel like he's been struck by lightning! He deserve someone who cares about his feeling and frankly, in season 3 at least, I don't think that's Keeley or should be again.

[blackjackkent]

Rasaad/Jaheira (from Rassad's POV this time) - feeling a flutter after something they've done dozens of times

Karlach/Hector - accidentally referencing them as "my"

Rakha/Wyll - holding hands and that's all they can think of

("What Are We" moment prompts)

Karlach/Hector - accidentally referencing them as "my"

(NGL I really loved and got immediate ideas for all three of these so the others will probably be making an appearance in their own posts soon. XD But we start out with this one bc the idea amused me the most.)

-----

The mountain pass gets terribly cold at night - for everyone except Karlach.

She's always run kind of hot, even back before the Hells ripped her open, but these days it's just a non-issue. At the best of times, the engine keeps her temperature regulated, and with how bad it's chugging right now, it feels like she inhaled burning coal. Double bonus, she thinks with dry black humor. Keeps me warm as fuck and also means I have way bigger problems to worry about.

It must be about two in the morning. Most of the others have already retreated to their tents, and she should really do the same. The engine's feeling real bad tonight, though - it's been getting worse for days. And if she's honest, she doesn't really want to be alone right now.

So she drifts, half-asleep, dozing in the omnipresent heat, against a large rock near the campfire, where she can listen to Shadowheart and Lae'zel - the only others still awake - bickering.

"We should not have wasted our time in the Underdark," Lae'zel is saying sourly, tossing another few sticks onto the fire.

"You can stop complaining," Shadowheart answers. "Based on what that Esther woman said, your creche is practically within spitting distance."

"I begrudge any wasted time," Lae'zel grumbles, "when the threat of a ghaik transformation hangs above us."

"Carlisle listened to you," Shadowheart points out. "You might do well to just accept the victory rather than finding ways to poke holes in it."

"Carlisle is callow at best. Competent enough with his fists, I grant you, but in sore need of guidance."

"Which you can provide out of your wealth of experience," Shadowheart says, with a hint of mocking humor.

Lae'zel audibly bristles at this. "I would see us all survive, istik," she says icily. "I gave him the answer almost at our first meeting and it took him this long to recognize its worth. It was infuriating."

"Mmhmm. And that would of course be why you propositioned him this afternoon in front of all of us in the middle of the roadway," Shadowheart murmurs dryly.

Karlach, half-asleep, stiffens a little, squirming against the rock where she's been slowly drifting off. She was present for this little display of Lae'zel's earlier - and if she's honest, it's probably a big part of why her engine is acting up right now, because Karlach spent the whole conversation vibrating with agitation.

(Which is stupid, right? He doesn't even know how she's starting to feel about him, and even if he *did*, she couldn't touch him, and even if she *could*, he might not want to touch her back. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

But still... it stung, watching Lae'zel of all people try to get with him. It was real fucking clear the gith didn't want him for anything more than his body. And hells, Karlach doesn't have room to judge; she was once that twenty-year-old horndog herself, climbing on anything with a pulse.

But Hector... Hector's different. She can tell he is. He wouldn't want a quick fuck. He'd... he'd want to *love* her, properly, like in those romance songs the bards always sing...)

"That was a different matter," Lae'zel says defensively, oblivious to the way Karlach's nearby half-asleep form is starting to incandesce like a candle flame. "The body's satisfaction has no bearing on our practical needs. He would be a convenient outlet, no more."

"I see. How very pragmatic of you," Shadowheart deadpans. "You do know he's a Selunite, right? I'm not sure they even know how."

Lae'zel snorts. "He need only accept, and I would take what we both needed."

"Of course," Shadowheart says in a tone dry as sandpaper. "No accounting for taste. He's not bad to look at, I guess, but personally, I can think of a lot of better candidates for a romp than an old moon-drunk--"

"Hey." Karlach's still half-asleep but her engine is roaring with sudden irritation and the words snap out, slightly slurred, before she even means to speak. "That's my Hector you're talking about. Show some fucking respect." The bit of profanity emerges so sharply that she startles herself, jolting fully awake-- and as she does, she registers the full import of the words she just spoke.

Opening her eyes fully, she finds that Shadowheart and Lae'zel have both turned to stare at her. They make an interestingly asymmetrical tableau, as Lae'zel's eyebrows have hooded tightly down over her eyes, while Shadowheart's have shot to her hairline.

"'Your' Hector?" the cleric asks with visible amusement.

"I--" Karlach can feel herself flushing with embarrassment; luckily it's dark and she's already so red that the others won't be able to tell. Probably. "You know what I mean," she says hastily. "He's our leader. So you should treat him with respect."

She looks at Lae'zel. "You should know this - you're a soldier," she points out, and her voice calms a little on this subject where she's on firmer ground. "Chain of command, right? Morale?"

Lae'zel grunts. "Yes," she says warily. "You speak true."

"Yeah." Karlach nods several times. Her engine is raging with sudden adrenaline and her chest aches with the heat. "So. Y'know. Don't be pricks about it," she adds, just the slightest bit sourly.

Shadowheart is still watching her with a thoughtful expression, and a smile tugs at the corner of her mouth - although, to Karlach's surprise, it doesn't seem sarcastic. If anything, she seems rather chastened, and even touched by Karlach's abrupt interjection. "Message received," she says mildly.

"Good." Karlach nods again, and an awkward silence stretches between the three of them. "Fuck," she mumbles, rubbing a hand down her face. "I'm going to bed."

Without waiting for a response, she gets up and trudges in the direction of her tent. It takes several minutes (and several of the calming mantras Hector taught her) before she can actually get her engine under control enough to sleep.

What the fuck was that? she thinks ruefully as she finally stretches out on her bedroll and stares up at the ceiling of the tent. And what was that 'my' business? It had slipped out in her drowsy state so naturally that it had taken a moment to realize it didn't make sense.

Wishful thinking. She sighs. That's all. You should know better than to go down that road and start hoping. Go to sleep, before you make more of a fool of yourself.

[moonlight-tmd]

about that post where bumblebee likes to sleep in small, tight places.

is he basically a cat, like some cats like being in small spaces. how do the others react when they can't find bee and eventually find him napping away on some tall or small object/space? if they can't find him will they check bulkhead's subspace because they know he likes to nap there? what is his favorite place to nap?

I really like the fact bee can just become a ferret and sleep almost anywhere, surely at one point he slept in a box. what if he slept under his bed? could he do that?

Ah yeah, that XD

yep, with and without AUs, the small Bee is really flexible.

Tho I would put the title of a cat to Prowl since acts like one; he wants attention, doesn't want attention, is overall 'leave me alone' kinda guy, disappears randomly and sometimes he shows he cares. Also no sense of personal space.

Bumblebee is more like a ferret since they're also like cats but they're a lot more playful, energetic and social.

This fucker is flexible enough to fit under his berth alright, if Prowl tried to squeeze in there he would get stuck- i mentioned in that post he is flexible enough to fit in the heavy duty vents(big ones, like from FNaF: Security Breach almost).

His favorite spot would be Bulkhead's subspace, the sound of the other mech's inner gears working and Sparkbeat is soothing. If he can't nap there then he'd go under his own berth, he made himself a little nest there, Sari comes there to hang out with him sometimes.

Whenever it gets too quiet around the base and the others know Bee hasn't left- the search is on. They either suspect he got stuck or is napping somewhere he shouldn't. Or both.

Most of his napping spots are somewhere he can easily get out of, but few of them are 'you will get stuck' kind of places. And he keeps finding more around the plant. After the "Where is he? in Bulkhead's subspace!" situation, whenever he goes "missing" they check Bulk's subspace first. Then they call him- that sometimes works. If not then they have to search the entire base to find him recharging in some ridiculous location: rafters, on top of the main hub computer, in Prowl's tree, under his berth, under everyone's berths, in the vents, the storage rooms, inside the concrete cylinders laying around, and more.

One time he went missing, the team literally had to ransack their own rooms cuz they couldn't find him. Only for Ratchet to call everyone to come to medbay and point to the crate he uses to transport parts and tadah, Bee is sleeping safe and sound in there, curled up, half covered in said parts.

This is a stupid superpower he is too dumb to use.

Well, no. He did crawl thru a crack in the wall to rescue his team at some point. And gave them creeps for the rest of the week in the process. So he knows how to use it, he just chooses not to most times cuz it's way funnier to annoy others with it.

lol imagine if he did leave like thru the vents and others thought he was still inside. Like, he comes back with some snack and Sari with ice cream and they just see everyone looking under furniture and in cabinets calling his name. Bee would not let them live that down. Both cuz it's funny as fuck and it shows they do care about him.

[nighttimeebony]

My reactions, thoughts, and predictions that I had while reading Percy Jackson: The Titan's Curse. At least the ones I bothered to write down. Spoilers below the cut. Also, fair warning, this one is way longer than either of my previous reaction posts. I had a lot of thoughts.

EDIT: part 1, part 2, part 4, part 5

I feel I should mention that the Percy Jackson books have objectively the best chapter titles

The mental image of Sally driving Percy and his friends to get their ass beat like it's just an after-school sports club is hilarious to me

Ooh, Thalia has hypnosis wind

So Thalia didn't age while she was in that tree? Because I remember she was much older than Annabeth at the time of her death, but now she, Annabeth and Percy are all the same age. Huh. Okay then.

NICO DI ANGELO!!! I've heard about you! You're gay! And he has a sister! Oh I am delighted and ready to love them!

Thalia insulting Grover's music taste.

ANNABETH IS TALLER THAN PERCY

Aww, Nico defending his sister.

OH SHIT, IS THORN A MANTICORE??!???!!

"They're not dolls! They're figurines!" Sure, sweetie.

CALLED IT

Bianca is great.

Oh my God, Nico, you beautiful nerd! XD

HUNTING HORN?!!?!!! SILVERY ARROWS?!!?!??? IS IT ARTEMIS?!!!! PLEASE TELL ME ITS ARTEMIS!!!!!

HOLY FUCK, ARTEMIS'S HUNTERS!!!!!!!

Zoë Nightshade is easily the most badass name I've ever heard in my life.

ARTEMIS!!!!!!!

Please tell me Annabeth is okay. I will not be okay until I know that she is

Oh my God, Nico! XD Also, chill, Percy, he's just a baby.

"Besides, I hear they rebuilt the cabins you burned down." Excuse me, what?!

Percy, leave Bianca be! Besides, you don't even know her! She can be a badass warrior hunter lady if she wants. What even are your hang-ups about Artemis's hunters? They saved your life.

Oh, wait, that's right. Camp Half-Blood needs more people to keep it protected. That's right.

Good for you, Bianca, but I can't say that I would ever leave my little brother to become an immortal virgin. No offense to them, but girl, your brother needs you. You may have a new family, but you're all he's got.

Oh, I love Artemis calling Apollo her annoying brother. Do we get to see them interact? I pray that we do.

Grover simping for Artemis is so valid.

Thalia thinking Apollo’s hot is so valid.

Apollo being an obnoxious kind-of hippy going through an anime phase is the greatest idea anyone has ever had. He's so stupid, I love him.

Apollo's comment about pretty girls turning into plants reminded me of the myth about the time where one of his boyfriends turned into a flower after he died. Hyacinthus. Because we cannot forget that Apollo is canonically bisexual. If Rick Riordan doesn't (at some point) acknowledge how gay ancient Greek mythology is, I'm going to riot.

Dating must be really weird at Camp Half-Blood. And between demi-gods in general, right? Because, technically speaking, they're all kind of related to each other. I guess it just works differently since the gods aren't human, so there's not the same case to be made about genetics and the potential for incest. Or maybe that only applies to kids who have the same god parent. Like how Percy sees Tyson as his brother. I’m wondering if the kids from other cabins feel the same way. Like, do kids from different cabins consider themselves siblings? Does Annabeth see the other kids from Athena’s cabin as her siblings? What does the dating scene even look like at Camp Half-Blood? Is it considered scandalous to date other members of your own cabin? Or do some people think it’s taboo or whatever to date other demigods in general? I don’t need sleep, I need answers!

Ohhh. Okay. So apparently Thalia has aged while she was in the tree, just very slowly. So if Percy is 14 and Thalia can pass as an 8th grader like him, and she should be somewhere between 12 and 19, if I had to hazard a guess, I'd say she's about 15 or 16.

Oh, hey, I was right. Thanks, Apollo.

Aww, poor Thalia. Lol. I was the exact same way when I drove for the first time. Literally had a panic attack on the spot, and I wasn't even controlling the Earth's temperature.

Yay, Tyson! I was worried we wouldn’t see him again until, like, the last book or something.

Aww, it’s so sweet that Tyson wants to see Annabeth. And it’s adorable how cool he thinks she is.

Wow, Luke really is an unbelievable bastard. Annabeth is smart, she was smart to question him, but when the rocks started to fall, her instincts drove her to protect Luke, because even though he’s an unbelievable bastard, Annabeth still can’t help but harbor positive feelings for her. For the longest time, he was family to her and she loved him, so of course those feelings are still there, even if she knows it’s illogical.

Wait. Annabeth is holding up the ceiling of a cave, which Percy acknowledges that she shouldn’t be able to do. So… is the cave ceiling actually the sky? Like how, in Greek mythology, the sky is held up by the titan Atlas? In the mythology, Heracles trades places with Atlas holding up the sky while Atlas helps Heracles complete one of his twelve labors, and when Atlas is about to leave, Heracles tricks Atlas into taking back the sky before bolting. Like how Luke tricked Annabeth into holding up the cave ceiling before leaving her alone to hold it by herself.

Okay, Grover, chill out with the stalking, bud.

I guess Grover and Annabeth take turns getting damsel-ed. Last book was Grover’s turn and this book is Annabeth’s turn.

Don’t worry, Percy, I forgot about that scarf too.

Okay, not liking how the Hunters are portrayed. Because when Artemis says to give up love, she only means romantic love, which is clearly not the only kind of love. Greek mythology practically invented the concept of differentiating and identifying different kinds of love. The Hunters should know that, but the way they act towards the other campers is really… I dunno, gross? They act like their way of life is the only way that matters, which is super fucked up coming from the people that follow Artemis.

“I wondered if there was any way I’d looked that ridiculous when I’d first arrived.” Percy, that was literally only two years ago, get off your high fucking horse. XD

Thalia static-shocking people when she’s annoyed is golden and I love her.

Oh, fuck.

OH, FUCK!

Oh, we love the prophecies… Yayyyy.

Okay, guessing time. Artemis is chained to a rock, which immediately made me think of Prometheus, the titan that gifted fire to humanity and was punished by Zeus to be chained to a rock and have an eagle eat his liver every day for eternity. But then the Oracle mentioned that one must withstand “The Titan’s Curse,” which could be another reference to Prometheus, but I don’t think so. Because in the myth, Heracles killed the eagle and freed Prometheus from his punishment, so I’m pretty sure it’s not that, but you never know. Then I remembered Annabeth and my prediction that she’s currently holding up the sky like the titan Atlas, and the Oracle said that “one must withstand.” Admittedly, my knowledge of Atlas and his mythos is shaky at best, and I don't remember him ever having a "curse", but I guess holding up the entire sky is about as "cursed" as it's possible to be. And the Oracle saying that “one must withstand” makes me think that something happened to Atlas, so now someone needs to hold the sky in his place or else the sky will collapse to the earth and the world will end, or something like that. So that’s my prediction, that someone will need to hold up the sky in Atlas’s place for the rest of, well, forever. I don’t have a guess as to who it could be, though.

Also, someone is apparently going to die. And be killed by their god parent. Awesome… Super looking forward to that inevitable heartbreak… I hope it’s not either of the di Angelo kids, but they’re both new characters, and I know Nico becomes more important later (purely by accident and through pop culture osmosis), and since I had no idea that Biance even existed until I started reading this book, I am terrified that that means Bianca is going to die. I pray that I am wrong.

Wow, Thalia is petty and I’m kind of living for it.

I love that the Stoll brothers are basically Greek Fred and George Weasley.

Wow, Zoë’s kind of a bitch. She won’t travel with Percy because he’s a boy, and apparently Grover doesn’t count as a boy because he’s a satyr. Super fucked up.

You know, Artemis did have male Hunters. It didn’t happen often in the mythology, but there was a pretty famous male Hunter of Artemis named Hippolytus. The thing about Artemis’s Hunters isn’t that men weren’t allowed to be Hunters, it’s just that men typically didn’t choose to be Hunters, because one of the reasons why Artemis’s Hunters joined her in the first place is because Artemis protected the women in her care from the sexist constraints placed on them by Greek society at the time. The reason why men didn’t typically become Hunters is because they didn’t need the same kind of protection and escape from Greek society that women did. And Artemis didn’t hate men on principal, she hated the fact that men were the ones who used their positions of power to discriminate against and abuse the women in their society.

Aww. Grover’s such a sweetheart.

I love Sally.

Percy has so many damn Dreams™ and nightmares I have to wonder if this kid ever sleeps.

Apparently Percy knows the names of the pegasi, which is adorable to me. And this one is apparently Blackjack, which is a great name for a horse.

Aww, I want a baby serpent cow.

Aww, Nico. He's precious and I love him. Protect this child at all costs

Oh, I know about Ariadne. Theseus ditched her on an island after she helped him navigate the labyrinth and kill the minotaur. That's how she met Dionysus. I'm pretty sure they got married not too long after.

Aww, Dionysus and Ariadne are still married. That'd be kind of sweet if Dionysus wasn't such an asshole.

Yup, I know about Medea too.

Did they really just give Dionysus the Snape treatment? He hates all heroes on principle because one of them was cruel to his wife? He thinks he’s justified in harassing children because they’re training to be heroes, and he thinks that all heroes suck? Wow, dude. Get a life.

Oh, cool, Bianca’s forgetting things now. Nothing sketchy or sinister about that, I’m sure.

Is the General the titan Atlas? If my earlier theory was right, then he's gotta be.

Excuse me, teeth?! Plant them?!

Oh, wait! I think I know what that’s talking about. In Jason’s myth, he had to yoke a field with the teeth of (if memory serves) fire-breathing oxen. I don’t remember what planting the teeth did, but I’m guessing it wasn’t anything good.

HAH! Saber-toothed tiger kitties popped out

The General talks about mortals the same way I talk about fanfiction and anime

OH FUCK THE NEMEAN LION

“Sometimes mortals can be more horrible than monsters.” Truth.

Wait… what’s going on with Bianca? There’s something fucky going on with her memory.

“‘Bianca,’ Zoë said. ‘How long ago…’ Her voice faltered.” FOR FUCK’S SAKE, RICK!

Ain’t no way this friendly homeless guy isn’t some kind of hell monster.

Oh. I stand corrected. Not a hell monster. Probably a god. The gods love disguising themselves as old people to test mortals

The Mountain of Despair. Sounds fun. I wonder if this is the mountain Prometheus was chained to, since it’s powered by titan magic and all that.

Ladon… I know that name. I recognize that, but I can’t for the life of me remember his myth or anything about him.

*in reference to one of Percy's dreams* Oh, wait. Is this Jason and Medea?

Oh, nope. It was Zoë. I figured she had some kind of bad break with a boyfriend or something, but I dismissed it at first because I figured she was too young. But I guess if she was around during ancient Greek times, that sort of thing doesn’t matter.

Oh, hey! I once visited Cloudcroft, New Mexico! It was a nice little place.

“I was never very comfortable talking one-on-one with girls anyway…” Okay, Percy, you and I both know that is a lie. Annabeth is, like, your best friend.

"'Bianca,' I said. 'That hotel you stayed at. Was it possibly called the Lotus Hotel and Casino?'" Oh no.

Seventy years?!

Oh, fuck.

99% sure Aphrodite is the one in the car.

WAIT, HOLD UP! IF BIANCA AND NICO WERE BORN MORE THAN 70 YEARS AGO, THAT MEANS THEY WERE BORN BEFORE THE BIG 3'S OATH, RIGHT?! SO DOES THAT MEAN MY THEORY ABOUT HADES BEING THEIR GOD PARENT IS RIGHT?!?!??!! OHHHHHHH, SHIIIIIITTTTT

"When she smiled at me, just for a moment she looked a little like Annabeth." AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Aphrodite is the patron goddess of shippers.

What the hell, Aphrodite, chill, lady.

"You act like it was real." Percy, this is Greek mythology. Every single star/constellation was either a person or an animal before this whole mess.

"It... it was for Nico. It was the only statue he didn't have." OH MY GOD!! ToT

"If anything happens, give that to Nico. Tell him... tell him I'm sorry." WHY??!!?!?? LITERALLY DON'T!!!!!

"Here we were in the desert. And Bianca di Angelo was gone." WHAT THE FUCK?!!??!!! WHY DO YOU HATE ME!???!!??

No, but please tell me she's not dead. The prophecy just said "lost", not dead. And there's no body, so she could still be alive. Rick hasn't killed anybody yet, Bianca cannot be the first. I refuse.

The Hesperides! That's why Ladon sounded so familiar! He was the dragon!

"'But--' Gurgle, gurgle, the naiad spoke in my mind." RICK!!!!!! FINISH YOUR GODDAMN SCENES FOR ONCE!!!!! THIS IS THE KIND OF STRESS AND ANTICIPATION THAT MAKES PEOPLE LOSE HAIR!!!!

I like that Grover, Percy and Thalia actually listened to Annabeth ramble about her special interest enough that they can just recall random facts like that. It's an adorable little friendship detail, but also fucking sad. I miss Annabeth.

Hah. "Dam". Let these kids swear. They deserve it.

"'Nah,' I said. 'Not that high.'" Aww, Percy's a good friend.

Hah. Statue fucking.

Oh no! Is Bessie the monster! No! But she's so cute!

PLEASE DON'T KILL THE BABY COW SNAKE

"'This is Atlas's mountain,' Zoë said." LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOO

"'Yes,' Zoë said bleakly. 'Atlas is my father.'" THE GAME JUST FUCKING CHANGED

*after finishing chapter 18* ......... Fuck, man.

Wait, why isn't Hades a part of the Twelve Olympians? And why haven't we heard any mention of Demeter's demigod children? I can't remember the last time the Demeter Cabin was even mentioned, if it ever was.

Well, I guess Thalia joining the Hunters is a pretty roundabout way to have the prophecy be about Percy.

"But I will be watching, Percy Jackson. I do not approve of your friendship with my daughter." Well, then you're gonna hate what happens later.

Aww. Percy and Annabeth have matching battle scars. Sort of. Still sweet.

Oh, no, Nico.... Baby.....

"It was a statue of Hades, Lord of the Dead." OH FUCKING SHIT

"A son of Hades." OH FUCKING SHIT

HOLY SHIT, PAN HAS ENTERED THE CHAT

[veilder]

The more I read the little snippets (in mostly tags) of your asexually the more I wish to bow at your awesomeness! I honestly wish I knew someone like you when I was growing up. Keep being your awesome self 💜

Aw, well thank you, that's so sweet! And honestly? Me too! XD Because it's weird, isn't it? Growing up and going to school and just... having such a different experience? Everyone is out there flirting and going out and getting boyfriends and girlfriends and whatever and I'm just over here watching Naruto and playing Fire Emblem. XD But the truth is, I didn't really "figure out" what was up until my 20s. Figured out that there was a completely different set of parameters I might fill, y'know? That I wasn't just weird or religious or even defective, but a whole, complete person who just so happens to live outside of majority parameters . And it was so nice to realize that it wasn't just a me thing, too! And also relieving because, like... Even if you're not consciously aware of it, there is so much pressure put on you as a teenager to date and find a partner and, yes, even to have sex. Enough that even I, who had no desire to, always sort of felt like I was missing out. So yeah, it was a big weight off my shoulders when I learned the term asexuality and looked up what it meant and how it might apply to me. And also to realize that I'm not alone in feeling that way! Honestly, I feel like figuring I'm (very probably) asexual was not only a huge step in my development, but also was really one of the first things I felt adult about, y'know? Like, this is something I never knew as a kid, something I figured out all on my own, and something I can own and be proud of. It set my brain to a different wave, like... Kind of fuck what society expects of you, y'know!? Fuck me working in a male-dominated, physically demanding field! Fuck me plodding along after my parent's very backwards beliefs! Hell, even stupid shit like fuck shaving my gd legs, who came up with that, it's so stupid?! But I guess in that way, it's been quite pivotal to me as I've matured. And like... let's say I do eventually find a partner and decide I wanna settle down and shit and I find out that whoops! Maybe I wasn't as ace as I thought I was, lol! Then no biggie there either! Because fuck static sexuality, you can change whenever you want! Doesn't mean that the process of getting there wasn't worth it or that you didn't learn anything along the way! In that way, I think being ace will always be a part of my identity at this point, even if things change further down the road. XD Anyway, this is getting quite rambly. Forgive me, it's 4 am and I should've gone to bed already, but your ask was so nice and I wanted to reply. :) It's really nice to know that my offhand little ramblings might mean something to someone somewhere. That maybe someone will stumble over them the same way I did in my early 20s, just learning that there was more to society than straight and gay. And yeah, it would've been nice to be aware earlier, sure! But isn't it a nice thought to think we could be that person now? Like, what's that one post? About being the person you needed when you were younger? Like, what a wonderful thought! Let's, you and me, strive for that, eh? And get some more of that casual acceptance out there. ^_^

[indecentpause]

Dirty Sheets

heyyyy I posted the first Darcey/Jordan oneshot!! right now it's only on ao3. I'm sorry the title sucks I had absolutely no clue what to call this and used a random title generator ;-;

Darcey and Jordan get rained in and have to change their plans last minute.

Darcey ends up slipping out of his shirt and khakis—man, Darcey was even going to dress up, stupid rain—folding them neatly and slipping them under the bedside table so they don’t get too wrinkled. Then, at some point, Jordan’s jeans come off, and he’s not sure when it happened, exactly—maybe it’s the way Darcey’s hand curls over Jordan’s side underneath his shirt, or maybe it’s how Jordan keeps running his fingers up and down Darcy’s thigh—and neither is sure who initiated it, but now Darcey’s on top of him, propping himself up with his elbows with Jordan’s arms wrapped around his neck and their mouths working against each others’. The kiss is slow and exploratory and gentle, all of their movements quiet and patient and soft. And usually it’s Jordan, but this time, Darcey’s the one pushing closer, deepening the kiss, pulling Jordan into him. Darcey’s hot, damp mouth presses insistent kisses against Jordan’s neck, the occasional nip just hard enough to leave a tiny bruise. And Darcey’s huge, warm hand is up under Jordan’s shirt, dragging fingers over his stomach, hot and rough and it sends a shiver all through Jordan, sparking at his head and skittering down to his toes. Darcey’s movements are almost a little frantic, his touch grasping and possessive, and god it feels good but— “Are you okay?” Jordan asks. His breath hitches when Darcey pulls Jordan’s shirt collar down to suck at his collar bone. “Yeah,” Darcey says, his voice soft and low and sure. “Want you. Just want you.” Jordan moans a little when Darcey flicks his tongue out over the sensitive skin of his neck again. “You want me, or you want a distraction?” Darcey pauses, slightly parted lips still pressed against Jordan’s throat. “Can’t it be both?” Jordan threads his fingers through Darcey’s hair. “It can be both.”

read it here on ao3!

I stuck it under a 'mature' warning just to be safe, but you all know what you're getting into XD

You can read the novel these characters are from for free

here on Ao3 or

here on Wattpad!

Smut taglist: @thetruearchmagos @athenswrites @faeriecinna @apocellipse @only-book-lovers-left-alive @winterandwords @revenantlore @drippingmoon

these are the people who interacted with the post about being tagged in these fics. if you want to not be tagged next time, or just want to be tagged in general stories or one specific story instead, please don't hesitate to let me know.

if you want to be added to this specific taglist, you can do so here!

[polarisbibliotheque]

Writing Advice - Answering an Ask part 1

Hey everyone!! I recently got a super cute, beautiful and heartwarming ask requesting writing advices/how to beat writers block.

I wrote the answer on a doc and it has 3 pages, so I'm gonna be posting it in different parts - do forgive and AMAZING ANON WHO ASKED ME I HOPE YOU SEE THIS, IT'S PART OF YOUR ANSWER xD

Seriously, I've been sitting on this answer for a week now thinking how I'm gonna make it shorter >.<

So, without further ado, for the first part of the answer, I wanna tell a little bit about my writing journey - how I got from "not writing at all" to where I am now.

Because people think that you have a gift and words just flow like ambrosia in the cups of the gods - but I've actually started writing some pretty cringe stuff when I was 10 years old to get to a more poetic sort-of writing during my 29s currently.

THEREFORE, a little bit on how I got from cringy to still cringy but sometimes good writing ;)

I started by telling made-up stories to my sister when she couldn’t sleep and to my cousins during sleepovers because, I don’t know, they seemed to like my stupid little stories when I was 7 years old – or even younger. Sometimes I wrote some things, sometimes I didn't. But I was telling stories!

When I was 13, I discovered the magic world of fanfiction, and I wrote and published a HORRID thing on a fanfic website in my country, based on the band McFly that me and my sister adored back then (the gods have graced me with the power of deleting it and I thank immensely to that).

It was the first time I wrote AND published something to an audience outside of my friends/family.

After that, I kept on writing, and I moved to creating my own stories. When I was 14, I wrote a fanfic with the same band, but really the main theme was that I was an archeologist living in Egypt who researched on Atlantis and ended up finding the lost city. Somehow, I was allowed to climb the pyramids as well - because, you know, I ADORE Tomb Raider, and if Lara Croft could do it, so could I.

Told ya there would be some pretty cringy stuff in here, huh? xD

When I turned 15, I was bullied non-stop at school and so creating stories became my way to escape reality and have some fun with the people I wanted to meet in my life. I started carrying a notebook everywhere with me – it was my writing notebook. I had so many stories, and I never finished any of them (and good heavens, they are THE MOST cringy stuff, I’m glad they will NEVER see the light of day).

But I use the writing notebook thing to this day - whenever I'm travelling and internet isn't granted, I have somewhere to write.

I finished my FIRST novel when I was 16!! I was SO HAPPY about it!! It took me a year and a half writing it: a young adult book, kinda like Twilight (it was THE thing back then), with a secret society based on Arthurian Legend because I was a sucker for everything King Arthur (still am).

I can’t BEAR to read the first page of it nowadays, because c’mon. It was 15-year-old depressive me being bitter about everything and post-Twilight frenzy. The universe and worldbuilding has one HELL of a potential, but oh LORDS, it IS painful to read. I was a teen after all… But I finished a novel! If I haven’t done it, I wouldn’t be writing the way I’m writing today!

When I got into Law School, things got a little slow. I couldn't focus too much on writing and my social life improved a lot. I started tweaking my Arthurian story, but nothing too defined - I kept on writing lots of WIPs, though.

Around my 20’s, while I was close to graduating Law School, I started writing again… Supernatural fanfiction. With the SOLE PURPOSE of self-indulging, because I couldn’t find A SINGLE fanfiction that I could self-insert and love Dean Winchester while kicking some demon ass (sorry, I couldn’t resist the Nico inside me).

That led me to writing a 4-part Supernatural fanfiction that, honestly, for the next 6 years, it was the thing that made my heart soar while I was slaving away at a job I hated.

While I was overworking my ass off, I started writing (brace yourselves...) BTS fanfiction. I got into the band and some people from the website I wrote my Supernatural fanfic embraced me and kinda put me in the group and into the BTS world.

I was on the path of a burnout, so that became my escape - the girls from the website were so nice and we had many MANY writing projects of short stories. Throughout the years, I think I wrote around 25 or 30 stories, 40 pages max, to publish on this website and just have fun.

It started nice, but as time went by and I started moving out of the rom-com clichés (which are nice, don't get me wrong, we all love 'em) and became more existential and philosophic with a lot of metaphorical things while writing - and people stopped reading my work. I started to think I was bad, no one wanted to read because I lacked quality in my writing, or just my stories weren't so appealing as I thought. So I lost my will to write and slowly went back to my personal original stories.

When I hit 25 years old, I got fired and had a full burnout. I got really sick and my life literally stopped for the last 5 years - it has been hard, but that gave me time to sit back on my computer and recover ALL the books and stories I never finished writing.

I am NOT joking, I just counted all of them, and I have 65 DIFFERENT unfinished stories sitting on my Word folder right now on my computer. I also have a txt file I keep some “ideas that might be interesting to work on” and those have around 12 different full ideas of stories I might never write as well.

Upon hitting 27, I went back to writing niche fanfiction I didn't think anyone would want to read, so I published it here. I thought no one would want to read Devil May Cry fanfiction written by a woman who clearly worries more about the internal turmoil of characters rather than if what I'm writing is cute/rom-com like.

I opted for a more adult approach - given Dante and Vergil are adult men with lots of traumas, and I thought "hey, I don't have to write teenage things anymore, I can actually write how two adults would have difficult conversations and relationships in this fucked up world of ours" and that made a HUGE difference to my writing.

and once again thank the gods I found my people who like to read this sort of stuff :)

For quite a while, I was worried if what I was writing was consumable - you know, if the romance was that kind of tacky romantic thing to sweep you of your feet with perfect characters who don't exist, if people only have good times and are always laughing and having fun, if people enjoy touching each other 24/7 and being romantic and all that sugar coated stuff, if what I'm writing is politically correct, if it hasn't any subjects that are triggering or "wrong" in any sort of capacity... And that stiffed me. I lost my will to write and I stopped enjoying it, because I couldn't get my ideas out anymore.

Being quite honest, I'm not a person who had an easy, beautiful life. I had many things happen to me that made me understand Vergil on a soul level (and I think that's why I'm so comfortable writing him, as much as I hate that man), because I'm wary of people and my trust issues make me keep everyone at bay. I can only put my feelings safely out on my writing and my music, and I wasn't being able to.

So I tossed everything out of the window and started writing unhinged stuff. And oh, that made me feel SO good! I always smile a lot when re-reading my Cyberpunk-style story and a character called Abby tattoos on the ass of a corporate man that he is hers bitch, and when a "fallen angel" from my vampiric story smiles creepily and tells everyone she's got the most unhinged vampire on a leash and tells him to just kill everyone in the room for sheer revenge.

Not the best, politically correct stuff. Very wrong, by the way. But I had so much fun writing them, and it has so much character building behind these actions, it makes me feel nice :)

Out of all the 65 WIPs on my computer, I have around 5 that I think are really worth it for a full novel and so. They are:

My Arthurian Legend based novels. I outlined a series, I made character sheets, I planned and planned and planned... Since I'm 15, I've been thinking about it. Someday, who knows, this story will see the light of day.

My Cyberpunk-style novel. Halfway through it and every time I go "oh this is too heavy, I can't write this" I just toss the thought out of the window and go for it. Quite unhinged, very existential and grim, everyone is depressed and traumatized, but I love it :)

The Angel-Vampire stuff. Or, as I call it sometimes, the trip of an angel-like being going through the 7 deadly sins until finally falling for good, all aided by the most unhinged vampire in town. It's more like a villain origin story than anything else.

The Tea Shop thing. Oh, this one has been on my mind since 2018 and only now I've found some plot I like for it. Creation (yes, humanized form of creation) runs a tea shop and everything is fine until a woman enters and she has no Universe inside her eyes - and that is something to be afraid of. Doesn't make sense? Oh, yes, indeed. I'm going crazy with the concepts on this one, thanks to Neil Gaiman and The Sandman.

The rockstar guardian angel one. That's it. It's literally what the premise says: a woman has a dead rockstar as a guardian angel - and they couldn't be more opposite of each other. It doesn't help she's investigating his death and can talk to ghosts.

And my original vampire story, which I just call Nathan and Kathleen. I started this one when I was 16 or 17, so the writing is VERY cringy. I had just seen The Witcher 2 gameplay and, by then, I had never seen anything like it. As it's expected, I'm re-writing the 150 pages of unfinished work I already have.

Will this stop me from writing the other WIPs whenever I want to? Nah. I’ll keep on writing. Even if they are bad or horribly cringy.

Why am I blabbering about ALL this???

Because the most important stuff you can do is write.

You see, I didn't start out writing the way I do today - and I have so many stories, with so many pages, that I like so much, but I read it nowadays and I see I need to re-work them. And that's how you evolve! That's how you get better! By refining your abilities!

This is something I learned with the rockstars I love so much. None of them started out by playing perfectly - most of them had to sit down, listen and learn their instruments on their own. They got a LOT of things wrong to start getting something very simple right. And the more they play, the more they train, the more they refine, the better they become.

The same goes to writing - so, keep on writing! Everything you can, as much as you can, don’t feel bad about starting something new and never finishing another one, and don’t feel like you need to put out a masterpiece every time you sit to write.

Sometimes you just need to… Write.

[will80sbyers]

One of the things that made me stop reading analyses in the Byler fandom is how people just tend to pick 'parallels' that they like while ignoring or dismissing other parallels that do not suit their takes. Especially the most/more obvious parallels that are put on the show. For example Byler being paralleled to other romantic ships show that byler is also romantic but apparently Mlvn being paralleled to Byler and other romantic ships don't count as a romantic parallel. Mike being paralleled to Vickie apparently isn't a parallel because it doesnt support the intended *parallel meaning*. They literally framed Vickie and Mike in the same way and gave them same lines while paralleling Vickie's ex and El, and Will/Robin.

People will analyze all Byler scenes back and forth to show how it's romantic meanwhile completely ignoring Mlvn's romantic moments on the show. Even when Byler itself literally parallels Mlvn..... And it happens all the time not just with parallels but with other stuff like framing/editing or set design clues.

And these are not even ''minuscule details'' or ''subext'' stuff that you have to analyse. They are like the most obvious parallels that the show put.

Dont get me wrong, i like finding clues and reading analyses but they just kinda feel extremely... disingenuous sometimes when you just pick stuff that you like while ignoring other stuff just bc it doesnt support your argument.

Yeah, I get why you feel like this!!

I don't understand the point of ignoring those parallels too, the existence of byler-minteven parallels is part of why I can't think Matrioska is not romantic, that and like also the framing of their scenes where they are framed with a romantic meaning very very often, especially in the first seasons but also in season 4 they have some moments framed as romantic too!

I didn't stop reading the theories because of that though, I hear people out many times even if I don't personally agree and I like seeing all the little details that maybe could be intentional... But I do stop reading the theories in the posts when they are phrased in a way that sounds pretentious to me or seems like they are saying that if you don't think that then you are stupid, but even in that case I just ignore it as long as there is no biphobic idea involved I'm fine with people ignoring what they want to ignore in the show... I just don't care xD

I think it's also a thing about a different interpretation of stuff, I tend to not be able to ignore the big picture of what I see all together, so stuff like the "boys only" thing or the drawing in El's room etc doesn't seem like a good enough reason to say Mike is gay to me I see it as sort of general queer coding for Mike like saying "from now on for you it's only one boy aka Will"

But I also see him as acting genuine with El and also liking kissing her a lot in s3 and other people watch that and are convinced he hates it because he moves her hands...so I just think it's all about the subject that is watching for some things and it can never be super objective because of that unless you are literally the writers

But you know, I still think they all should be allowed to ignore what they want tbh even if I think taking that into consideration gives the best fair judgement on the show if you try to be the most objective possible by looking at everything... but like I'm not here to police people about what they should talk about in the tag so I just skip it and continue my day lol I get annoyed if the arguments used are clearly born from biphobia, for the rest I don't care much tbh

in the end it's not that important if he's gay or bi or just queer the important thing is that he's happy and kissing Will Byers next season

But I definitely still think he's a messy bisexual until they confirm he's not, because that's what makes sense to me for now 🌈

[aquaburst3]

I saw a pretty popular post on my dashboard "correcting" the issue about people using the terms "dorm leader" and "prefect" interchangeably. While I agree with OP that is an issue and they are right about that, even one that I was guilty of for a long time, they still got a lot of things wrong in it as well. So I want to explain things more clearly, since this is super confusing to outsiders who've never grown up with these, especially those of you who are like me and want to make the setting more accurate in fics.

For those of you who don't know, Night Raven is based on British boarding schools. Hence why it's called a "college", despite it being more high school like. (In England and some other commonwealth countries, "colleges" are the equivalent to the last few years of high school and the first year of university in the US.) However, whether by Yana's intention or lack of research, there are a lot of aspects of the school that make little sense, especially in regards to the "student advisory" positions.

For starters, the English version got this right by saying that they would be called "houses", NOT dorms.

As for the positions themselves, while I know this might vary from school to school, but from my own research, it usually works something like this:

Prefect: In charge of discipline, usually in their own house. There can be other types of prefects like library prefects, but the game doesn't have those, so that's moot. They can also carry out multiple duties given to them by the House Captain, Head Pupil or the Headmaster, being a jack of all trades. Depending on the school there can be one of these per house or multiple. Closest equivalent in the game would be ironically the "vices" like Jamil, Jade, etc. (As a side note, Jamil being one of these is very apt and carries a lot of symbolic meaning, especially in the Japanese version.)

Head of House/House Captain: They are in charge of all the prefects in their house and keeping everyone in line, which can include discipline. They also lead in events and house activities like the Magishift Tournament or the tea parties in Heartslabyul. Closet equivalent in the game, obviously, would be all the "dorm leaders".

Head Pupil (or Head Boy/Girl): In charge of the all of the House Heads/Captains and represent the whole student body, acting like role models. They give speeches at events, read daily bullitions, organize the prefect's duties, participate on committees, report any cases of major bullying to the staff, etc. There isn't a parallel to this in the game.

The best example of this in action and more accurately, as much as it pains me to say it, is Harry Potter. In that, there are a bunch of prefects in each house in charge of disciplining people in each house, and there is one leader of all of them. However, there are a head boy and girl chosen out of the whole 7th year class who represent the whole school.

So...yeah, pretty confusing, but makes more sense when you lay out like that. Although, I find Yuu being dubbed head pupil on the spot and being in charge of the leaders of the houses if the game was more accurate really funny for some reason. xD

If you're like me and turning NRC into a university, things get a lot tricker. According to some British people on a huge and popular Discord server I'm a part of, there's no one to one parallel. The American equivalent would be "resident advisors", but those aren't a thing over there thanks to a lack of "student advisory" positions. The closest thing, and this is a huge stretch, is a "Junior Common Room President". But that's not right either, since they are more like head pupils where they are in charge of all of the undergrads and to be completely honest that title sounds stupid to me. The best advice they gave me was to call them "wardens" like in the English version, because that's the closest thing to it, even if it's inaccurate since they are staff members and not students. The "dorms" would be called "student halls" or "halls of residence".

TLDR: If the game was accurate to the fantasy British setting, the "dorm leaders" would be called "house captains" or "head of house" and the "vice leaders" would be just prefects with a bunch of others helping them. There would also be one head pupil of the whole school, which is something the game is sorely lacking. There are no direct equivalent for prefects or house captains at universities, but the best option is to call them "wardens" like in the English version, and their residency would be called "student halls" or "hall of residence".

[sonnetnumber23]

Good Omens 2 Re-watch. Episode 5.

“You leave me with no alternative” – says Aziraphale to the musician preparing to promise to give him a book for free.

[Love the Doctor Who theme playing in the background, hehe]

“Nina and Maggie are depending on me. They just don’t know it yet.”

First of all, all those jokes about Aziraphale organizing a ball to dance with Crowley are actually very true. And I don’t think he’s doing it just to hold Crowley’s hand – he really wants to see Nina falling in love with Maggie so that he himself could believe that Crowley might open up to him someday at last. Again: he wants to have control over something; he wants to feel that he is capable to make someone happy, and to deal with his own problems himself too.

Secondly, Aziraphale could have just as well made all those people come to the ball – after all he made those men in suits leave his bookshop and never return – but he chooses to negotiate with them, manipulate them, but let them come on their own free will. He’s basically tempting them all, but “They don’t have to say yes,” as Crowley once put it. And Crowley is following him around watching this.

***

I love speeches they do in Hell. :D Dagon in the first season, now Shax. :D No wonder, Crowley was the one to record the greeting message. XD

***

Nina talking to Crowley is so much gentler than when she’s with anybody else. Both here and later when she tells his about Lindsay leaving. You just see how she feels him and relates to him. It’s like it’s easier for her to talk to someone for whom everything is harder than for most of other people. She’s all prickly with Maggie and Aziraphale because quite often they act like the world is a happy place made of rainbows and unicorns with kind people all around you. Compared to that Crowley must seem kind of more real to her, or at least less annoying, huh.

And God, oh God, Crowley’s face after that conversation. How can a person show so much emotion with their dark glasses on?

***

The scene on the terrace of the French restaurant leaves me with a whole bunch of complicated feelings. They’ve probably all been described already, but if I try to lay them out for myself…

The first time I watched I didn’t even pay that much attention to the “smitten” joke, because I was a bit disturbed by how little attention Aziraphale pays to Crowley’s concerns. “You’re being silly” is not the way you should calm down your demon, Aziraphale!

But, as I looked through the gifs later, and now during the re-watch, I came to realize that this moment also shows me that side of Aziraphale that I’ve been trying to feel and describe in these posts.

Now, we’ve got this “smitten” joke, which everyone likes to mention, and it’s great because it’s just in the middle of two POV’s, so to speak.

When Crowley starts talking, he’s damn serious. Though he doesn’t talk directly about all his concerns, he’s still very much in the state where he wants Aziraphale to listen to him, to hear his worries. “I spent last night worrying… He could smite me…” I wonder if little part of Crowley wishes in this moment that Aziraphale would think of the danger he’s putting Crowley in and give in, and give up his stupid idea to hide Gabriel further – at least for Crowley’s sake, and this way Crowley might keep him safe.

But then Crowley happens to stumble upon this unserious linguistic matter – “smote… smited?” – and his whole rant is compromised, as if he is too afraid himself to sound too pleading too desperate. Remember, he did completely the same when he was going to ask Aziraphale for holy water. “Walls have ear… trees have ears… ducks have ears. Do ducks have ears?” – absolutely the same. Poor boy, he just can’t speak seriously about his own fears, the danger he is in. :’( Too nervous, too afraid to ask… T_T

Crowley is known for talking a lot about how he is selfish and values his own existence above all, and yet he is always the first to take huge risks to save others. Like in every single historical minisode this season, and several times in the first season too.

And here he suddenly bares his fears to Aziraphale hoping that the angel would see that if Crowley is afraid then it’s serious and he should be afraid too.

But the thing is that he gets a completely opposite effect.

Aziraphale suddenly feels more confident. He feels responsible, and therefore he feels the strength he needs to carry out this responsibility. We’ve already seen him like this: when he tries to snap Crowley out of his panic after Warlock’s birthday and come up with a plan, at the end of the world in season 1 starting with the refusal to fight the war and further; we’ll see it later, when he “does the thing with the halo” because nothing else and no one else is helping.

And he enjoys it. You can clearly see it while he’s convincing Crowley that he has nothing to fear. It’s not because Aziraphale is oblivious of the danger or doesn’t care about Crowley’s safety. He does, he’s just met Shax after all. He just can’t help and enjoy the feeling of being brave and sure and ready to act and protect – for once. He wants it so much – to feel capable, to feel competent. I wrote in the previous rewatch posts why.

We’re so used to the (head)canon that Aziraphale loves playing damsel in distress and letting Crowley save him. But this season states it quite clearly – if partly as a joke – that he does it for Crowley more than for himself. “Saving me makes him so happy.” That’s a joke, because Aziraphale knows perfectly well that most of those times he did need saving. But whether he does or doesn’t need saving, Aziraphale is always ready to admit that Crowley has done something wonderful. He knows Crowley loves it. And Aziraphale knows he would love it too. “There must be something I could do for you.”

So yeah, maybe he is a bit intoxicated by this feeling, maybe he is too sure and optimistic about Gabriel, maybe his plan is a bit rubbish (though let’s admit – the ball plan worked better than Crowley’s rain plan), but his motives are pure.

[Oh God, I wish so much to finally see a situation where Crowley would have to rely on Aziraphale for something big and Aziraphale will be capable enough to save the day and Crowley…]

***

Should we or do we even have to talk about all the moments where people call Crowley nice in this season? Apart from Aziraphale, there’s Jim and Mrs Sandwich and really Nina would do so too if she wasn’t Nina. It’s so… On one hand, it’s for fans and all, and it works – I do a little delighted noise every time Crowley can’t help being nice and someone mentions it.

[My theory is that there wasn’t enough nice and deep Crowley in S1, so now we’re getting what they owed us.]

On the other hand, doesn’t it sound a bit like foreshadowing to you? Or, like the things we ought to pay attention to. Crowley doing good just because “why not” and because “I do what I please”, kind of proves Aziraphale’s point which is: Crowley hasn’t ever been bad, he deserves Heaven as much as (if not more than) other angels do.

***

I’m really not a fan of Aziraphale messing with people’s emotions. I know he means well, but making people feel fine and even happy while they have all reasons to be upset looks far too much as robbing them of their free will.

That’s a bit like the thing he does with Crowley at the end, isn’t it – thinking he can make him happy even if Crowley doesn’t want it, thinking he knows better what’s best for him.

And this is such a striking contrast with the beginning of the episode where Aziraphale goes to great lengths to get people come to the party on their own free will.

Again, I think this comes from the notion that this time round he’s responsible, he has an idea, and he is so excited to see it work, to be able to save the day. For once. He enjoys being in charge so much, he even asks Crowley to go out so that he can surprise him with the new bookshop look later.

The same comes for the ending where Aziraphale is so happy to be the savior that he doesn’t even listen to the person he’s trying to save.

I can understand him, I know how easy it is to cross this line and not even notice it, especially when you’re feeling euphoric about something.

But of course it was wrong both times. It even reminds of that horrible moment in S1 when Adam makes his friends smile while they’re crying.

***

The whole atmosphere of the ball surrounded by demons is so NeilGaimany, it suddenly feels as if the stakes are higher than you expected. At least for a moment. I must say I like it that in the end it turned out that no humans were hurt after all.

Crowley throwing himself between Maggie and the demons is a moment that makes me jump a little. It’s not Aziraphale, Aziraphale isn’t even around to be impressed, and Crowley doesn’t know yet who those ominous creatures are – and his instinct is to defend the human and to stop something bad from happening.

And oh how much I love the fact that Crowley talks to those demons as someone of a higher rank! :D I love being reminded that Crowley was cool and actually very high-up in Hell. And he still has a lot more power than average demons or angels.

[I really suspect that one of the reasons I liked this season so much on the first watch was because it gave me all my favourite things about Crowley, lol.]

***

Aziraphale looking at Maggie while she and Nina are dancing – there’s so much gentleness and hope, and longing in that face! He wants the same for himself so much. And he hopes for it.

At the same time Crowley is worrying crazy, the whole weight of all these people’s fates on his shoulders. And Aziraphale isn’t listening to him. There’s already a lot of great heartbreaking meta about the way they keep things from each other and then not listening when the other one tries to talk.

I just want to stress how brilliantly the POV in this scene is done: with Aziraphale, we desperately want Crowley to take his hand and dance and talk and appreciate the beautiful thing he’s created to solve their problem (because as Aziraphale sees it, if they fool Heavens, Gabriel won’t be discovered – he doesn’t know yet that Shax has already acted on her threat). And with Crowley, we get frustrated with Aziraphale for not listening, for acting recklessly and putting them all in danger. And at the same time both of them just want to hold hands. XD

And then it’s Aziraphale who puts himself between Shax and the humans (and Crowley). He is confident and I like it just as much as I like cool and bossy Crowley. And when Gabriel volunteers to go out Aziraphale says he will protect him because he promised, and he’s still doing it with his confident, guardian-angel voice, which even sounds a little bit lower than his usual voice. He has it in him – the Aziraphale he wants to be: brave, competent, true to his word. And it comes naturally to him, even though he doesn’t always have resources to keep fighting.

There’s such sad irony that we’ve heard him be like that when he defends the Earth, humans, Gabriel. But we’ve never heard or seen him defending Crowley, have we? We’ve actually seen him defending other things and people from Crowley. Which is just… Uuuugh! Again, it’s all so natural: he sees Crowley as equal, even as someone stronger, cleverer, cooler – so Crowley doesn’t need, can’t need Aziraphale’s protection, not in this way, surely?

I hope so much that we’re yet to see Aziraphale putting Crowley above all else and defending him with all he has. I’m sure Crowley’s going to explode. Or at least I will.

***

[On a side not: I wonder whose clothes were the suit and the furry coat the Gabriel is wearing at the party? :D Did Aziraphale just have them in the bookshop?? Why?? XD]

***

Ahaha, hellish bureaucracy and Crowley’s bluff is just so Good Omens, I love it.

But he isn’t listening to Aziraphale just as Aziraphale didn’t listen to him. :( Well, he’s absolutely got his reasons: Aziraphale has put them all in danger, and after all demons are Crowley’s field of expertise. But still. It leaves Aziraphale again feeling his failure, feeling that he’s just been put back in his place.

I think the joke “saving me makes him so happy” is both a joke and Aziraphale’s little attempt to get back some of his self-esteem before the inevitable battle and after he’s just been put down by Nina. It’s interesting how Nina’s words echo in Shax’s line later in E6 “…Crowley’s moral support angel”.

Earlier I wrote about Aziraphale robbing humans and Crowley of their own free will. So here we kind of see the reason why he doesn’t see how wrong this is: people keep pointing out that he has no will of his own. And it’s a sore spot. Because on one hand he’s spent his whole eternity being told that his opinion and actions don’t matter. And on the other, he keeps relying on Crowley, because he doesn’t find it bad to rely on someone he loves and trusts. Just like he wishes he could rely on God. And that’s why he can’t see his error: he’s doing what’s in these people’s interests, he’s saving them, surely they’ll be happy to entrust their lives and will to someone who loves them?? Aziraphale would be. He always is.

I know some of these conclusions contradict each other but that’s because the characters’ feelings are so conflicted. They feel so much at every given second, and they have so much background that is not easy to shake off.