#but still too off topic to rabbit hole

[anime-academia]

Resisting the urge to learn how to make crushed velvet right now. Like half an hour before this, it was the urge to read everything I could find on Hanuman

[yoonjae20]

Bruce is (secretly) married [Bruce/Danny; Spirit Halloween]

I got sucked into the DPxDC crossover rabbit hole. I have read too many fanfics despite not knowing the source material.

I randomly got the idea of Bruce being secretly married and the Batfam finding out about it after Duke poses the question of why Bruce wears a ring. (Also how Danny's influence would have subtly changed things.)

Read this on ao3. Masterpost

Next.

Bruce had always worn the ring, long before Dick came around – at least that’s what the boy had told Jason when he asked about it. 

They had looked through the records one night – bonding over finding out when he started, but he had already worn the ring once the man returned from his seven year long  journey of training. The media had speculated it to be a family heirloom – either his father’s or mother’s wedding ring. Bruce neither confirmed or denied when they asked about it.  

The man never took it off, not even when he stalked the night as Batman and neither of them had been brave enough to ask about it, after they watched clips where the media asked and his Brucie mask slipped into something uncomfortably blank. 

Jason had quickly forgotten about it after Bruce had benched him from being Robin after Felipe Garzonasa’s death. He had been furious, questioning if Bruce didn’t believe him that he didn’t push the man.

“Of course I believe you, chum,” the man had said, but Jason didn’t trust the man’s words. “But you just saw a man die. That’s not something we should brush over.”

He had sent Jason to bed for the night, but the boy had sneaked out, believing Bruce to go back to patrol after dropping him off. He instead found him in his office, talking to someone on the phone.

“...You have better experience with stuff like this than me…” the man said. “Do you think I should have never given Jason Robin? I know Dick agreed, but…” Bruce trailed off and then paused to hear the other person’s response. “I know.” He let out a deep sigh. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow about it. Are you still planning on visiting for the anniversary? I would appreciate if you tried talking to-”

Jason didn’t wait to listen for more. He knew it. Bruce was going to take Robin away from him. 

He remembered the picture he had found of his birth mother. He initially had wanted to tell Bruce to get his help to find her, but now he isn’t sure if it’s such a good idea. If the man was gonna take Robin away from him anyway, he didn’t want to be there for the moment. 

With that goal in mind, unbeknownst to Bruce, he disappeared that night, setting out to the Middle East to find his mother. 

Bruce finds his corpse several weeks later. Dick breaks down in space when he receives the call from Bruce. They attend the funeral together, neither of them talking about it, even years later.

Jason returns several years later, dead set on revenge on Joker and on Bruce for never avenging him. What he doesn’t expect is to stumble over a newspaper celebrating the anniversary of the Jason Scholarship Foundation along with pictures of his funeral, showcasing both Bruce and Dick crying. 

He never stumbles upon a memorial with his battered Robin suit and the description “Jason Todd, a Good Soldier” and beats Tim Drake, the third Robin half dead for replacing him. Instead he returns to the Manor, overwhelmed at Bruce’s breakdown and reaction. Red Hood debuts several months later – with the Bat symbol on his chest. They still have their conflicts, but Jason never has to fill a duffel bag full of heads for his debut. 

It’s only once Damian arrives, Cass becomes Bruce’s daughter and Duke his ward that the topic of the ring gets brought up again. It’s Duke who asks what they all have been thinking. 

“By the way, why does Bruce wear a ring?”

Finding no information online and not managing to get anything out of Alfred, they break into Bruce’s office while he’s on patrol getting distracted by Damian and Cass. It’s Tim who finds it, in a locked drawer, sealed carefully.

A marriage certificate. 

“Who the hell is Daniel Fenton?” Jason questions gruffly.

“My husband.”

Jason startles, turning to the doorway. Bruce is standing there, his arm crossed and he cringes at the displeased raise of Bruce’s right eyebrow. Behind him Cass shrugs at Tim’s questioning gaze while Damian clicks his tongue.

“Why haven’t we met him? And, wait, does Dick know about this?” Tim asks. 

Bruce lets out a deep sigh as he fiddles with the ring - the wedding ring. 

“Let’s go somewhere else for this.”

They all shuffle to one of their smaller living rooms. Duke sets up a voice call so Dick, who is back in Blüdhaven, doesn't have to miss out. Tim is on his own computer, no doubt researching everything he can find on Daniel Fenton. Or would he be Daniel Wayne? 

It’s Damian who breaks the silence.

“Father. Explain.”

The man presses his lips together as he stares down into his tea. Alfred squeezes his shoulder behind him. 

“The reason you haven’t met Danny is because he’s dead.” Bruce pauses while his kids pale. “Technically.”

Before either of them can question that, suddenly a young white haired boy appears, sitting on Bruce arm’s chair, eyebrow raised and wearing a black and white hazmat suit.

“Shouldn’t I be here for this?”

In an instant all of them sans Bruce and Alfred are on alert, Tim has a Batarang in hand, Jason one of his guns and Damian a knife poised to the unknown boy’s neck.

It’s Bruce who diffuses the situation.

“Danny?” Bruce sounds disbelieving and Damian twitches, knife still in hand. 

“In the flesh.” The boy does jazz hands, neck grazing the knife, but it doesn’t draw any blood. “Or ectoplasm. Whatever.”

“How wonderful of you to surprise us with your presence Master Danny,” Alfred says, tone slightly sarcastic and Damian finally steps back, eyebrows knitted together. 

Danny winces. 

“I would have warned you, but Clockwork just dropped me off, telling me that it’s finally time.”

“This is your husband?” Duke bursts out. 

The boy bows playfully.

“Danny Fenton-Wayne. King of the Infinite Realms. Half ghost and-” Suddenly he transforms, white rings traveling over his body and leaving behind a middle-aged black haired man. “-Half human.”

“GHOST?”

“HALF HUMAN?”

“KING OF THE INFINITE REALMS?”

“Thank fuck I thought Bruce was a pedophile for a moment.”

Everyone turns to stare at Duke.

“What? I just said what everyone thought,” the boy defends himself.

“Actually that would be ephebophilia,” Danny corrects. “Although he would still classify as a necrophile.” 

Bruce punches the man’s forearm, rolling his eyes with a fond look and Danny yelps, rubbing the spot.

“Hey! If anyone is allowed to joke about it, it’s me!” the man complains with a pout and Bruce shakes his head. 

“Another reason why you never met Danny is because – believe it or not – he’s the King of the Infinite Realms, which means he is quite busy.”

“So much paperwork,” Danny groans. “If I get Constantine’s ass, I swear to the Ancients that he’s gonna die. Half a decade lost because I had to bargain for his soul pieces!”

“After I returned to Gotham to become Batman, the Infinite Realms unfortunately fell into war following a coup attempt, leaving Danny to deal with the mess.”

“And Clockwork prohibited me from visiting the Gotham until a certain point, claiming that I would change the timeline too much with my influence,” Danny finishes for Bruce, all of Bruce’s kids watching with fascination how seamlessly they seem to fit together as the man leans his head against Bruce’s shoulder while Bruce runs a hand through the man’s black hair. “Considering I would have never let Bruce run around with child vigilantes, he’s probably right.”

“I forgot you know about that,” Bruce sighs.

“Jazz kept me updated,” Danny says smugly.

“That’s a break of patient confidentiality,” Bruce grumbles. 

“She may be your therapist, but she’s also my sister.”

“Mr. I-Rather-Chew-Nails-than-Talk-About-My-Feelings?“ Jason exclaims. “No way!”

“I have been vocal about the fact that I go to therapy.” Bruce frowns.

“I thought you were joking!”

“Where do you guys think I go every Sunday evening?” Bruce pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Justice League meeting?” 

“Golfing?”

Once again everyone stares at Duke and he flushes at the attention.

“I thought it’s a rich person thing!” 

Danny snorts.

“He got you there, darling.”

“When and how did you guys meet?” It’s the first time Dick actually speaks up, having observed everything – or as much as he could – through the web camera. 

“At a gala when both Bruce and I were teens,” Danny answers. “My godfather dragged me into it. At least one thing I can thank him for.”

Danny smiles while Bruce grunts in agreement. 

“The wedding?” Tim follows up.

Both Danny and Bruche pause to think.

“Did we do the civil registration in Paris or Las Vegas?” Danny turns to Bruce. “I can’t remember.”

“We were quite drunk,” Bruce agrees.

Danny snips his fingers like he remembers something, but then he shakes his head. He puts a hand to his chin, tiling his head. 

“Or was it Brazil?”

The rest blink at the pair before Danny shrugs with an apologetic smile.

“We had the real wedding in the Infinite Realms though,” Danny explains, “Once Bruce got finished with his training. The citizens wouldn’t have accepted it otherwise. Alfred would have taken pictures, but technology doesn’t work in the Infinite Realms.”

“Such a shame, it was quite a nice wedding,” Alfred affirms. 

“Alfred knew?!” is the consensus complaint. 

“Does Mother and Grandfather know about this?” Damian asks stiffly.

“Considering Ra’s used Bruce’s and your mother’s DNA to artificially create a baby despite knowing – he doesn’t care,” Danny says just a tad-bit too cheerfully. 

The revelation leaves everyone reeling. 

“Okay, now that all questions are answered-” Danny doesn’t give them time to inject. “Can we talk about the stinking elephant in the room?”

Bruce raises an eyebrow as Danny gestures to Jason. Jason almost would feel insulted if Danny didn’t sound so genuinely surprised that nobody else said or noticed something. 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” Jason complains as he discreetly tries to sniff his armpits. Considering Tim’s and Dick’s snickering, he doesn’t succeed. 

“Your Ectoplasm reeks like-” Danny grimaces as he flails his arms. “Like you took a bath in spoiled eggs.”

Danny turns to Bruce with an angry look in his eyes.

“Especially you should have noticed, considering you are liminal! His core is completely malnourished.” Bruce winces. “Did you forget that I gave you a way to contact Frostbite?”

“Without the ambient ectoplasm you radiate my ability to see ectoplasmic entities and speak and read Ghost Speak slowly degraded over the years,” Bruce explains. “I wasn’t aware Jason had been a type of ectoplasmic entity.” 

“His eyes literally glow green when he’s angry!” Danny chides. “He returned from the dead for revenge. He’s clearly a Revenant. That’s Ghost 101!”

It’s amusing to see Bruce get scolded by someone else other than Alfred. Alone for that fact Jason has to admit that he begrudgingly likes Danny. 

“Alright-” Danny stands up and tugs on Jason’s arm. Bruce moves to follow him like second nature. “You are coming with me right this instant.”

Before anyone can stop them, Danny transforms back into his Ghost Form, Jason’s hand in one and Bruce in the other and steps through a glowing green portal, it vanishing shortly after. Silence follows.

“So well that just happened.”

This time everyone agrees with Duke. 

[bloomingdog]

Price with an ADHD reader

So self indulgent!

John Price who feels self-conscious thinking you like Soap more because of your similar personalities.

Soap and you are a tumultuous pair, feeding off each other’s energy, you’re good friends, you hang out together just the two of you. He’s not jealous, especially not of Johnny, but he does feel a pang of self-consciousness at times, feels bad about not being able to keep up with you sometimes, about not being enough. He wouldn’t share those thoughts with you, more of an inside thing, he feels silly. Of course those doubts melt away as soon as you’re telling him about how your day went, about how much you missed him, about what reminded you of him. All the possible doubts he had leaving as he gets showered with kisses.

John Price who just stands and watches when you get the zoomies.

A sudden burst of energy has you walking up and down the house following John around, jumping from topic to topic to the latest song lyrics or idle dance move stuck in your head. He watches in amusement and tries to engage in your jumping conversation.

John Price who falls asleep during your late night yapping and still responds with nonsense answers while asleep.

“-And yeah apparently emus can’t walk backwards, don’t you think that's weird? How can an animal just not do that?” Your before-bed rant has been going on for longer than usual, inspired by a Wikipedia rabbit hole that still lingers in your phone’s history.

“Does Laswell know?” He mumbles.

“About emus?”

John Price who’s reluctant to lay on top of you if you ask. 

“Please, please, please it’ll feel good!”

“Love, I’d crush you.” He had gotten you a weighted blanket for this exact reason. “Ain’t the blanket enough?”

“No! Because the blanket’s cold and you’re so much better better!” He’s reluctant, your puppy eyes are working overtime getting him to agree, which he does, of course. 

John Price who just sighs and plays along when you ask him to wrestle you.

In your defense, it' was's a good way to get rid of extra energy or help while understimulated. He’s currently got you in the loosest headlock he can manage while you kick and thrash. 

“Are you tired yet?” No answer comes, just more kicking that makes him release you.

As you try to attack him again, John effortlessly picks you up and throws you on the bed, which earns him a fit of giggles followed by an attempt to tackle him that ends you back in bed.

John Price who comforts you if you ever think you’re too much for him.

Big tears are coming down your eyes and wetting your face, you couldn’t pinpoint where all these feelings came from. You’ve got your face against his chest, voice shaking as you explain how you feel.

“I’m just a lot, you know? And I need you all the time and you like being alone and i want to give you space and I try, but I’m too much and-”

“Okay love, c’mon, none of that.” He cut you off after probably the thirtieth ‘and’. “We need what we need, and we work ‘round that all the time, don’t we? You’re not too much, you’re good just the way you are.”

John Price who lets you use him as a human fidget.

You’ve been waiting in this queue for no more than 5 minutes and it’s still getting you impatient, he notices, of course. The rapid looking-around, your foot tapping are all tell-tale signs of it. He extends his hand to you, which you take, and begin fidgeting with his digit and gloves, it keeps you well occupied, concentrated in the repetitive moments as time passes.

John Price who <3

[allywthsr]

LEO LECLERC | (c.leclerc)

summary: you and Charles get a dog

wordcount: 1.8k words

pairing: charlesleclerc x fem!reader

warnings: dogs

notes: how cute is Leo? My goodness.

You and Charles had been together for quite a while now, while he was busy racing all over the world, you were staying at home and working, sometimes you would join him for a race but most of the time, you couldn’t just get off work. Even with meeting your friends and being busy with your own work, you still felt lonely, especially at night. You never knew what could happen, due to having your address leaked by a few fans, you had people ringing the doorbell at two am. Sometimes friends slept over, but you needed someone to cuddle with when Charles was gone.

You‘ve always thought about having a dog, and all the cute puppies on your Instagram page had you swooning, just like Charles, he had always kept a close eye on your phone whenever you went down a rabbit hole of looking at cute dogs, seeing what kind of dogs you loved and spent hours of watching, he secretly always watched videos as well, but he also knew that a dog meant more work than it seemed in the videos.

It wasn’t like you two were seriously talking about getting a dog, sometimes the topic would randomly occur and you fantasized about the life with a dog, but you weren’t even sure if Charles would be a hundred percent okay with a little companion.

Until one Thursday evening, it was an off week for Charles and you were cuddling on the couch, watching some Netflix, when his phone rang. Joris was calling and Charles left the living room, you heard him mumble something in French, but you couldn’t hear him clear enough to fully hear what he was saying. Shortly after he came back and sat down again, you looked at him, he normally never left the room when he received a call.

“Joris called to tell me something.”

That made you sit up, nudging him slightly to talk more.

“I know how lonely you felt these last few weeks when I’m not around. And I know that you love dogs, so I aske-”

“You got us a dog?!”, you screeched in his ear, to which he shifted a little more far away, so he could keep his hearing ability.

“Not yet, Joris knows someone whose dog accidentally got pregnant and wants to sell some puppies, I thought we could go there tomorrow and see if any puppies like us?”

With tears in your eyes, you nodded and hugged him tightly, this was your dream, a little someone to take care of, a new best friend.

During the night you had trouble falling asleep, too excited to look at the dogs, so when the clock hit 7 am, you got up and took a shower, after you prepared some breakfast and woke Charles up, the faster you could get there, the better.

You both were nervous during breakfast, this was a big decision, a dog was a responsibility for several years, but you knew he or she would have the best life in your home, and your lives would also get better. There would always be a little cuddle buddy, someone to play with, and someone who needs your attention twenty-four-seven.

Joris didn’t say what breed it would be, only that the pregnancy wasn’t planned, but the puppies were adorable, and you didn’t doubt that for one second, every puppy was a cute creature.

The drive was rather short, only thirty minutes until you reached the family home, when you rang the doorbell, you could already hear dogs barking, and when the door opened and an older lady smiled at you, you could hear little puppies crying. You introduced yourself to the woman, whose name was Margarete, and she welcomed you into her home. After she offered you a coffee, she led you into the room where a big playpen was standing, and five little light brown puppies were sleeping. The little golden retriever dachshund mixes had the cutest little floppy ears and the softest-looking fur you had ever seen.

You quietly gasped after seeing these angels, and the first one lifted his head, after hearing a strange noise, and got excited when he saw you and Charles, waking his siblings in the process. After the puppies were awake and barking at you, you couldn’t wait anymore and carefully got in the pen, immediately you had four dogs crawling all over you, and the fifth one was sitting in the corner, crying for his mother, he was smaller than his siblings but in perfect health. Margaret told you she was currently training them to be separated from their mother, and so they could be crying, but when Charles joined you in the pen, the little fella walked over to him and sniffed at his knee, before getting up on Charles leg and finding a comfortable spot to sleep, after all, he was a small puppy.

From that moment, you knew this puppy had your heart, seeing how comfortable he was with Charles, and how he was crying for his mama a second ago, these two had a special connection.

Charles also fell in love with the little boy, he picked him up carefully and the puppy started to lick his face, which Charles commented with a chuckle. You two looked at each other and you knew what he was thinking, you found your little love. Charles gave you the fella and he also started sniffing you, giving you small licks on your chin, when you held him close to your chest.

Margaret came in and saw you cuddling with the dog, she knew you made a decision when you looked at her, “That’s Leo, you can change his name if you want to, but my grandson named him that way.”

Leo fit him perfectly, Leo Leclerc.

Charles and you took your time to cuddle some more, really making sure Leo liked you and wasn’t scared.

After doing all the paperwork with Margaret and learning about the needs that a little puppy had, you two left the house and went straight to the pet store, you still had to wait two weeks until you could pick him up, but you two were way too excited to not go and shop for Leo.

The cart was almost full when you waited in the queue to pay, food, toys, leashes, beds, and more stuff waiting to be used by Leo.

The next two weeks were going by slower than you’d hoped. Every day you chatted with Margarete and she sent you pictures and updates from Leo, the little puppy was doing great and got his last few shots at the vet, now he was ready to come home to you.

It was a Saturday when you picked him up, Leo got excited when you had him in your arms, licking everything he could reach, while Charles paid for Leo, and signed the last papers. Now he was officially yours, your own little puppy, to cherish and love.

On the way home you spilled some tears, while the little angel was sleeping on your lap, this was a dream come true. Now you wouldn’t be as lonely anymore when Charles was gone, but you also had a little companion when you two were together.

The first few steps Leo did in his new home were wobbly, he was a little scared, so you and Charles settled down on the floor, just to make sure Leo didn’t feel lonely and had someone he could go to if he needed emotional support. But he was a brave boy, and even if his steps were slow, he still looked around the apartment, sniffing all these new smells and he already found his favorite spot, which was underneath the piano, where a furry rug was lying.

You let the little puppy sleep and started making dinner, Leo must’ve been exhausted, he left his old home and his family, and now he was with strangers in new surroundings, but he felt comfortable, or otherwise he wouldn’t be sleeping like he was now.

The evening was spent cuddling with Leo, when you and Charles were lying on the couch, watching TV, Leo tried to get up on the couch and when Charles picked him up, he settled on your belly, where he took another nap.

The first night was nerve-racking, you had read a lot of articles, so you prepared for the worst. Leo and you two went to bed at around eleven pm, the little puppy lay down in his dog bed that Charles placed in the corner of the room, and two hours after you fell asleep, you got woken up by little whines that came from Leo. You grabbed him and put on his leash, and Charles and you went outside, where Leo did his business. Charles held your hand, while he had the leash in the other hand, he looked adorable with his jumper pulled over his head.

Back at home, you laid in bed again, but before you could fall asleep, little whines came from Leo again. Charles let out a sigh, “Do you think he needs to go outside again?”
“But he did his business, maybe he misses his family? They slept cuddled together every night after all.”

So he got up, picked Leo up, and came back to bed with him, when Leo settled between you, he stopped crying and fell asleep.

The next morning started off early, Leo licked all over your face and started playing with your hair, even if you were sleep deprived, when you opened your eyes and looked at Charles with Leo, all of this was worth it. The way Leo’s tail was wagging when you filled his food bowl with the puppy food, you think you died from diabetes, but Charles wasn’t any different. You already caught him way too often when he sneaked a treat to Leo, and you only had him for a day.

You also caught Charles cuddling with Leo while he was doing sim work in his simulator at home, or while taking a nap on the couch, or how Leo followed him everywhere Charles went. He already loved his new dad. Just as much as he loved you.

The ice cream launch was when you wanted to introduce Leo to the world, the little baby was frightened by the flashing lights, but when Charles held him, he calmed down again, in general, he felt most calm when he was in Charles’ arms.

Leo loved small walks, he couldn’t walk for long, he had small legs and was exhausted easily, so you all could walk for fifteen minutes before Leo had enough and wanted to be held, that's why you and Charles were often seen holding him.

You couldn’t wait to see Leo grow up and have the time of his life, especially Charles couldn’t wait for him to join him at a race, Leo would be his emotional support dog, in these hard times at Ferrari.

[pixeltwix]

Life After Divorce for Emma May

For awhile now I’ve struggled to figure out what job Emma May could’ve taken up after the divorce as for so many reasons this is SUCH a messy topic.

Firstly, do y’all ever think about how the only reason Fiddleford was even going to Gravity Falls in the first place was to secure more money and provide a better financial future for his family (something he’d always dreamt of doing) only to then lose his memories, leaving the family in shambles, and ultimately leaving them in a worse financial situation with Em as a single mom?? Cause I think about this ALL the time-

To me it only makes sense that Fiddleford would marry someone just as lovely and sweet as him, but also someone who is tough enough for both of them. Let’s all nod our heads and agree that Fiddleford is a pushover and a major people pleaser. Most of his kindness to Ford is him outwardly wanting validation from an old friend he admirers because otherwise he feels useless and unintelligent. Ie Fidds whole, ‘I’m the builder, if I’m not building something than I’m useless’. So when he becomes too exhausted to build and Ford grows frustrated with this he tries to make up for it with gifts etc :,). That paired with some chronic anxiety is a recipe for a man who needs someone who can understand that and is willing to help him- his wife. mutually patient and kind as he, is happy to be that for him.

Regardless as far as her career goes, smart as she is, I don’t see her as book smart? Rather people smart? Emma May knows how to talk someone up, knows how to make a deal, knows how to defuse a situation, and could probably sell someone their own shirt off their back. Perhaps that could stem from the cult background I explain here and here, but regardless she’s witty in conversation and great at pretending she’s an expert on something she’s never heard of.

Naturally I thought sales would be a good place to put her, maybe rise the ladder that way? One of those late night tv marketers? But it didn’t feel like enough? The 80’s were a prime time for women to put themselves into the workplace, incredibly toxic as the environment was for them it didn’t stop women from being excited to be there. Ironically it’s the perfect time to divorce? Even if she didn’t want to, after the giant homicidal pterodactyl robot it sort of felt like a, ‘even if I still love my husband, if I value me and my sons life, I have to do this’ sort of thing

After taking that into consideration I thought ‘honestly bigger is better’ so I brainstormed harder to figure it out. And after a few lengthy rabbit holes I believe I figured it out. While Fiddleford acts as sort of the Bill Gates of the Gravity Falls universe I thought ‘who’s someone else deeply recognizable in Americas pop culture, but tv related?’ And then it hit me, ‘oh my god what if Emma May acts as the Oprah of the Gravity Falls universe? The Emma Dixon Show?’ (In the sense of a beloved tv personality that unexpectedly rose to great fame in the mid 1980s) The-match up felt perfect enough and a mid 80s timeframe feels realistic too as it gives her those three years to struggle and figure something out to provide for her son.

But also hi hello, I needed Emma May to peruse some sense of tv fame for the sake of her last name becoming a synonymous one. Considering I have no idea where miss Emmaline Butternubbins wound up after the fall of Billville (or hell if she’s even alive some twenty odd years later) but I love the idea of Emmaline recognizing the name ‘Dixon’, seeing the similarities on tv between Emma May and what she remembers of young Madeline, and wanting to reach out. Mainly out of fear that Ciphertology is rising again and she wants to talk some sense into her, sure, but once they meet or get in contact and Em couldn’t be further from that?? She’s relieved. Plus the two can bond over the absolute madness of the cult (also Emma May gaining a mother figure that isn’t Fiddleford mom? I love Bobbie Jean, but Em needs even more maternal support)

Also also?? I always envisioned Emma May as the type of gal to be super into photography. She just loves taking pictures of memories, people she cares about, and stuff she likes.

So this especially grew once she had Tate, the kid naturally being used to getting his photo taken for scrapbooks, and he loved being photogenic

But once his mom becomes a tv personality he begins to detest the public eye and the cameras of others

Its a hatred he keeps to adulthood especially, having zero tolerance for anyones cameras (other than his moms polaroid camera) pointed towards him

[apoloadonisandnarcissus]

Freudian Symbolism: Sauron x Galadriel in Season 1 of "Rings of Power"

There are no sex scenes in “Rings of Power” and never will be. But there’s a lot of sexual symbolism happening. And, as I’ve mentioned in my original post, Freudian symbolism has been widely used by cinema to covey sexual acts, especially in productions that can’t or won’t straight out show it to the viewer.

These sexual acts are taking place within in the narrative. The characters are interacting sexually. But the scenes aren’t graphic in nature, like we are use to nowadays. These narratives devices were very common in past decades, when cinema couldn't show explicit sexual content and the studios had to be creative. So these sex symbols have been widely used, and are recognizable.

Yes, I’m going down this rabbit hole, again, inspired by @princessfantaghiro and @rey-jake-therapist. Might do a post on Season 2, as well.

I’m like Sauron: rubbing symbolically Haladriel sex in Galadriel’s your face(s).

I’ve already discussed the Freudian symbolism of this gesture, several times, and it’s very obvious, too. It is penetrative sex: a crown (clitoral symbol) penetrating a sword (phallic symbol).

I would like to revisit and elaborate on my original post about this subject:

Enduring Headcanons

To get this topic out of the way: if you are still holding on to “Elven sex culture” or “Elvish sex magic” because the Tolkien fandom keeps neglecting context, Tolkien letters and Christopher Tolkien notes, you can find a explanation here.

In short, the “Concerning the "Laws and Customs among the Eldar” chapter in "Morgoth's Ring” is not how Elves actually behave sexually in the legendarium. There is no “magical bound” happening between Elves when they have sex; the “union of souls” the fandom keeps talking about is creating children (not the actual sex act); and for the Noldor sex doesn’t equal marriage, they need more than that to recognize a wedding took place (a tribute, usually a jewel); Ósanwë has nothing to do with sex, it’s telepathy. These are fanon, not actual “Tolkien canon”. By all means have all the headcanons you want, just don’t come crying about it on my posts.

So, yes, it’s entirely possible for Galadriel to have had sex with Halbrand-Sauron in Season 1, without it “breaking the lore”.

Galadriel the Virgin

Just before Galadriel runs into Halbrand-Sauron in the Sundering Seas, she’s evocative of Joan of Arc.

Which is very fitting for her character at the beginning of Season 1: Joan of Arc was put on trial because of blasphemy (wearing men’s clothes), acting upon demonic visions and refusing to submit to the authority of the Church. Galadriel is shipped off to Valinor because of her endless pursuit for Sauron (acting upon demonic visions), and her continuous disobedience of High King Gil-galad’s commands. And like Joan of Arc, we also see her wearing armor (men’s clothes).

Joan of Arc also took a vow of chastity and pledged her life to expel the enemies of France. This also mirrors Galadriel’s husband being presumed dead ever since the end of the War of Wrath, and her vowing to hunt down Sauron (the enemy of Middle-earth).

And now we enter theological territory: virginity (in women, because men are allowed everything, but that’s a question for another time) has spiritual power in many religions. In Catholic-Christian, a virgin body is considered the most sacred shrine of God’s earth, because it has the gift of creation. Joan of Arc was a virgin but she had her virginity questioned and put on trial, too, and was examined twice.

Joan of Arc was burned at the stake (fire) and her ashes where thrown at the river (water). In “Rings of Power”, it appears the Elves enter Valinor through the Sun itself (fire), but Galadriel jumps off ship into the sea (water). This is, yet, another connection between Galadriel’s character and Joan of Arc, only in Galadriel’s case represents rebirth.

Sexual Awakening

In Freudian symbolism, water imagery is, indeed, connected to birth, rebirth, renewal, and transformative experiences in general. Whatever happens to Galadriel next will be a life-changing situation.

Water is also symbolically of wish fulfillment, especially connected to sexual deviation and/or repressed sexual desire. Which is very interesting in Galadriel’s case, because she jumps off ship to continue her hunt for Sauron, but the words that echoed on her mind before her final decision are her brother’s, Finrod: “sometimes we cannot know until he have touched the darkness”. Interestingly enough, ships are also considered clitorical symbols.

"It's me. The object of all of your sexual nightmares.”

In Freudian symbolism, pulling someone out of the water, is meant to illustrate a hypothetical parent, usually mother-child relationship, and, curiously enough the first character who helps Galadriel get into the raft is a woman, but she also rejects her next. Symbolically, this scene is also rejecting this angle of symbolical interpretation. We'll have this meaning later on with Elendil and Galadriel, when he even compares her with his own children.

Who truly “fishes” Galadriel out of the sea is Sauron himself. The object of her obsession, which caused her to be condemned to be “burned at the stake” aka thrown into the sun (return to Valinor), by her “Church” authority, the Noldor. The scene is embracing the sexual deviation interpretation, as we'll see in a moment.

To analyze the Freudian symbolism of the sea we have to go to a philosopher whose work inspired Freud himself: Friedrich Nietzsche. Especially since we are working with the themes of sexual deviance and repression of sexual desire in this scene. And here’s your explanation for Sauron’s unhinged predatory expression when he takes Galadriel out of the water. 

There is also a lot of phallic imagery in this raft design; symbolically Galadriel is also entering Sauron’s sexual domain, here. And she, literally, finds herself surrounded with symbolic penises.

Nietzsche uses the open sea as a metaphor for the unknown and the unexplored, where the traditional molds of morality are abandoned. The open sea is an invitation to embark on a journey into unchartered moral waters: a place where "right" or "wrong" don't exist, a moral grey area, and a breeding ground for moral decay.

For Nietzsche, the open sea represents a Godless world. Which is very fitting for a demon such as Sauron, who turned his back on God (Eru Ilúvatar) and sided with Melkor/Morgoth (Satan), and, at this point of his character arc, is seeking for redemption. In short, the open sea symbolizes infinite freedom and potential depravity; which are characteristics often associated with the Christian Devil (Morgoth), whom Sauron serves. 

The open sea it’s textbook “live dangerously”, where all sort of morally questionable and reprehensible actions can happen. And this idea of the “open sea as a grey moral area” isn’t exclusive to Nietzsche or Freud, we also find it in female poets like Sylvia Plath and Emily Dickinson; where the ocean is a symbol for moral and sexual exploration.

There’s also a storm in these scenes: in Freudian symbolism, storms are representative of emotional repression. Storms, heavy rain and thunder indicate feelings of sexual frustration, anger and sadness. Heavy rain is also associated with renewal, while thunderstorms reflect emotional conflict.  

Galadriel reaches out to Sauron in this scene. What does this mean? Symbolically, she wants to him to take her out her sexual “dry spell” existence. She’s sexually frustrated. and he’s in the same situation. Which makes sense with her unvoluntary chastity vow (Joan of Arc), and him being trapped in a cave being goo for hundreds of years. And he “accepts her plea” and jump into the ocean to rescue her, signaling he shares her want.

All of this symbolism will also echo in Season 1 finale, when Sauron “returns” Galadriel to the raft to pitch his proposal to make her a queen. What Sauron is truly offering Galadriel, on a symbolic level, is infinite freedom of self and raw sexuality.

She refuses his offer and says she “should have left him on the sea”. Galadriel is expressing regret over her own sexual impulses and returning to her chastity vow. Then, we have all of this splashing water around them, framed in a very different way from the scenes in 1x02.  Splashing water has been used as a device/symbol for fulfilled sexual activity in cinema for decades, now. So, yes, they most likely did it. Sauron-Halbrand and Galadriel had sex in Season 1.

"He really seduced her" (Charlotte Brändström)

Galadriel was reborn after she emerged from the sea. She was “fished” out of the ocean by Sauron, a symbol of sexual depravity whose sexual repression mirrors her own (open sea). She enters his sexual domain (raft). Halfway through their interactions, Galadriel reaches out to him, consumed by her own sexual frustration, but she’s conflicted about her feelings (storm). He shares her emotions and is willingly to give her what she needs (saves her from drowning). After the storm comes a calm: they have reached an understanding.

Interestingly enough this symbolic understanding of their mutual sexual desire and needs (clear skies) is them lying down on the raft:

Now, the seduction begins.

And Sauron initiates it by handing Galadriel a bowl of food. This is what Freud called “oral gratification”, connected to his theory about the psychosexual stages of development. Here pleasure is the core theme, associated with emotional and sexual nourishment. Sauron offers food, and Galadriel is emotionally hungry for it, and accepts with no hesitation.  

And he grins. Sauron is pleased with himself because Galadriel accepted his sexual invitation. And also, in Freudian symbolism the mouth is a symbol for the female genitals, while the spoon is a phallic symbol. The act of eating symbolizes sexual intercourse (= interaction between male and female symbols). He’s fantasizing all kind of sexual scenarios here.

In Freudian Symbolism, knifes/daggers/lances/swords (any object resembling the penis in shape or that can be used to penetrate the body and cause injury) are phallic symbols. Meaning, they represent the penis. An erection (in which the penis raises itself against the force of gravity) is usually represented in connection with an air element (it can be ballons, airplanes, missiles, rockets, flying, snakes, etc.).

Symbolically, this is the first sexual interaction between Galadriel and Halbrand/Sauron. He has an erection, and she is touching it.

That's symbolic handjob, for you.

In the same episode, the Númenórean smiths tease Sauron, and ask how close is he with the "she-elf". This Maia is eating ("sexual intercourse") clams, here. Worldwide, the clam is a clitoral symbol, meaning it represents the female genitalia. What does this means? Eating Galadriel out is, probably, what Sauron wants. 

In 1x05, after some flirtation happening between Galadriel and Sauron, she’s handling a bunch of swords (phallic symbols) right in front of him. Literally. She’s training the Númenoreans and is surrounded by men eager to… learn from her, and at awe by her. She’s very skilled with those swords.

Sauron decides to peacock and assert his dominance in this scene: the only “sword” Galadriel will be handling around here is his, and he’s the best at it, too. 

Speaking of objects representative of genitals: the roles are reversed in Galadriel and Sauron’s characters in Season 1. Galadriel is the one who carries the phallic symbol (dagger), while Sauron carries the clitoral symbol (pouch). But they do exchange these objects a few times throughout the season. In Freudian symbolism, the interaction of male and female symbols represent sexual acts.

“Come with me to Middle-earth and I’ll give you this… pouch.”

In 1x05, they are back to the ocean, aboard of a clitoral symbol (ship). And Galadriel climbs stairs to reach Halbrand. Staircases are one of those classic and universal cinematic devices to signal female sex appeal. Every man on board is at awe of her, but she only has eyes for Halbrand-Sauron.

But stairs, especially climbing, also have a well-established sexual meaning in cinema: they represent the sexual act.

However, we aren’t shown any interactions between these two characters on the ship, on a voyage that lasted from 1 to 2 weeks, depending on the weather conditions.

The only “clue” we got is that they were, at one point, awake at the same time, and that Galadriel has been up for at least one hour, as she tells Isildur, in 1x06. Sauron doesn’t need to sleep, but Galadriel does (even though not as much as if she belonged to the race of Men).

Galadriel has her hair braided, which is the first time we see this hairstyle on her in “Rings of Power”, because in 1x01 she had her hair down. Indeed a braid is more practical for battle, but braids also have Freudian symbolism attached to them. Braids are a phallic symbol, and Galadriel on a clitoral symbol (ship), meaning we have two sex symbols interacting, indicating sexual intercourse.

The next scene Galadriel and Sauron share together is their chasing after Adar, when they prevent each other from killing him. We know that Galadriel has some darkness within her since 1x01, but Adar tells her something interesting, that resonates with other lines in Season 1:

Halbrand (1x05): “What do you know of darkness?” Adar (1x06): “It would seem I'm not the only Elf alive who has been transformed by darkness.” Sauron-Finrod (1x08): “Touch the darkness once more”.

Is this an indication that Galadriel got “transformed” by the “darkness” (Sauron) somewhere in the middle of these events?

Because, as @rey-jake-therapist correctly pointed out, we underestimate the importance of the “touch the darkness once more”. This implies Galadriel has already “touched the darkness” and Sauron is asking her to do it again.

Back to 1x06, after the Adar business, we have the “I’ve felt it too” scene, where Sauron expressed his desire to bind them together. And if we remove the “fighting” (which is also be a symbol for sexual intercourse), Sauron’s quote sounds very intimate and romantic: “at your side, I... I felt... If I could just hold on to that feeling, keep it with me always, bind it to my very being, then I...”

But after Halbrand-Sauron is summoned by Queen Míriel, Galadriel has an intriguing scene all by herself. She cleans the black blood (Adar’s) from her dagger, and looks ashamed and guilty doing it. And she does this after saying "I've felt it too".

The subtext of this act can be very sexual, especially if we take into account her previous invocation of Joan of Arc (virgin), the black blood/seed (the same color as Sauron’s) and the symbolic penis (dagger). Symbolically, this can indicate she’s attempting to keep her sexual rendezvous with Halbrand-Sauron a secret. A dirty secret she’s deeply ashamed of.

And for my Half-Maia Celebrían enthusiasts out there: after the volcano eruption, in 2x07, the first place of her body Galadriel touches is her lower stomach, her womb. Why?

When she’s finally able to get up, she searches for Halbrand. And we also see her acting maternal with the angsty kid in town, Theo, next. After an episode where Adar mentioned “Halbrand’s” “woman” and “child”. You all know I’m not a believer in Half-Maia Celebrían theory but there are some intriguing clues on both Season 1 and Season 2. 

Next, Sauron pretends to be injured and Galadriel takes him to Eregion. In my opinion, the injury wasn’t fatal. I think he really wanted to be near Galadriel, even though he didn’t know for sure she would take him to Eregion and Celebrimbor, because Sauron doesn’t have the gift of foresight. Anyway, it was clear Sauron indented to forge two wedding rings, one for himself and the other for Galadriel.

On my original post I made the case for “sexy time” happening for the first time at Eregion, but now I’m convinced it might have been sooner. Sauron was there for three weeks, as that’s the time Gil-galad gives Celebrimbor in 1x08. Galadriel became suspicious of him the day after their arrival, probably. While something might have happened there, too, from the symbolism we got, it might have happened sooner than expected.  

[themuseofaphrodite]

do you get deja vu? ✧ FC43 / CS55 

summary: you are at a masquerade ball in buenos aires, argentina, and you have garnered the attention of a certain argentinian driver. little does he know that a year ago, you were living a mirror image life with a different spanish driver.

trigger warnings: angst, suggestive content, mentions of alcohol, descriptions of depression, cheating

note: phrases and sentences in the spanish language are utilized throughout; keep a translator accessible

word count: 1.9k

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

Buenos Aires, Argentina

Parties were the only thing that quieted the whirlwind in your head. Getting drunk, dressing in fancy attire, pretending to be someone you were not, helped fix your fucked-up mind, even if it was just for a handful of hours. Ever since your break up with Carlos Sainz Jr., you had fallen down a rabbit hole of despair and heartbreak, muting your feelings with Bacchian revelries. Nothing else you did helped – you tried meditating, yoga, spin class, journaling…yet nothing gave you peace like parties did.

You nursed the glass of white wine in your hand, sipping it casually as you perused the ballroom, scanning the crowd for someone worthwhile. Another reason why you enjoyed parties is because it was the best hunting ground for a one-night stand. Most people who went to these festivities were looking to find hook-up partners, which is exactly what you needed. 

Everyone’s face was obscured with masks, and you could tell a lot about someone based off of their disguises. Those who wore fanciful designs were vain and egotistical, those who preferred muted designs were insecure. You needed someone showy but not extravagant – and that’s when you found the perfect mark.

He was already staring at you, his piercing olive eyes honed in on you. His light brown hair sloped in gentle waves over his forehead, his muscular build concealed by a tight-fitting tuxedo. Sun-kissed freckles dotted the lower portion of his face.

He was everything you needed to take your mind off of Carlos. Or so you thought.

“Buenas noches,” you murmured to him when you stood beside him, your head tilted to the side, scouring for details previously missed. He smelled like caramel and sea salt mixed with expensive cologne, and he carried himself like he was a prince. “¿Cómo ha sido tu noche?”

He craned his neck down to look at you, a smirk curling at his top lip. “Mejor ahora que has venido a charlar.”

“Hm,” you hummed under your breath. “Pensaría que un chico lindo como tú tendría las agallas de hablar con una chica.”

“¿Y quién dijo que no?” he inquired, one eyebrow raised.

“My name is Y/N,” you responded, not caring to stay on the same topic of conversation anymore and switching to English, the language you were more fluent in. Carlos had been the one to teach you Spanish so you could understand what his family was saying when you visited them, but you still felt unsure when speaking it. “And yours is?”

He chuckled. “Franco Colapinto.” A soft accent tilted the edges of his vowels, and it sent a spark of electricity racing through your veins. Just like Carlos. You forced yourself to take your mind off of your ex – thinking about him would not do anything. Carlos had someone better, and soon you would too.

Franco’s name sounded vaguely familiar, but you had far too many drinks to remember exactly why. “Ah. You’ve been looking at me all night. Is there something you’d like to tell me?” you  crooned playfully.

“Yes,” he responded, his tone just as mischievous. “And would you like to tell me something as well? Don’t think I haven’t seen you staring at me, hermosa.”

“You first,” you pressed, taking a sip of your white wine.

“I was thinking how surprising it is that una chica impresionante like you would not have a date to such an event,” Franco mused. “Do you have someone?”

You shook your head, swallowing roughly. “No.”

“Then it would be my pleasure to accompany you, querida.” Franco looped his arm through yours, pulling you close to his body. He was warm, toned muscle, and you suppressed a groan at the contact. “¿Te gustaría encontrar un lugar más...privado?”

A private area…just what you needed. You bobbed your head in agreement, and Franco tugged you towards a small alcove, away from the eyes of partygoers. “Tell me why you’re here,” you pushed. “Do you not have a date?”

“No date. I was hoping that I would stumble upon a beautiful girl like you, though,” Franco flirted casually. The way he had with words alerted you to the fact that he honed his charm like a weapon, and it intrigued you. “Gracias a Dios que mis deseos se hicieron realidad.”

“You’re such a smooth talker,” you teased, tugging gently on his mask and causing him to make a disapproving noise at you. “How many girls have you picked up with those same lines?” You appraised him, scanning his stature from head to toe. “Eres un espectador.”

Franco laughed. “Tú también.”

You stepped forward, encasing his shoulders with your arms. Angling your face up, you kissed him deeply on the lips, a moan escaping your lips at the sensation of how soft he was. It was deceiving, the way he looked – strong, hewn stone, but his lips were like a cloud. Franco immediately intensified the kiss, his tongue battling with yours for dominance, his arms snaking down your waist and pulling you flush against him. “Fuck,” you murmured when you broke apart. “Someone knows how to make out.”

Franco grinned and pecked you on your cheek. “I’ll gladly continue, amor. Just give me the word.”

You kissed him again – this time more fervently, like you were trying to etch him into your memory and erase every flashback you had of Carlos.

Madrid, Spain

Carlos Sainz Jr. sucked in a breath as you spun around the room in your lavish pink ballgown. “Fuck, cariña, you look so good.” You beamed back at him. “We have to go to more parties now. You look absolutely stunning.”

“Yeah?” you cocked your head. “Says the sexiest man alive.”

Carlos laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “Te amo mucho, Y/N. I don’t know what I would do without you. You’re perfect.”

You scoffed. “If you say so.”

Carlos clucked his tongue, picking you up and setting you down on the edge of the bed. “I know so, amor.”

“Hm.”

He kissed you, making you topple over onto the bed and screech in surprise. “Trust me, cariña, you drive me crazy.” Carlos crawled on top of you, pinning you down and kissing you again passionately. “My fucking ángel sent from the heavens.”

“Except you know I’m anything but an angel,” you retorted, and he quieted you with another kiss. “Carlos, come on, we’re going to be late.” He huffed angrily but extricated himself from you, brushing invisible specks of dust off of his lapel. 

“Do you have your mask, Y/N?”

You nodded, sitting up from where you were lying and pointing at the shiny rose gold masquerade mask that was resting on the vanity table. “That’s mine.”

“OK. Everything else done?” Carlos inquired, and you nodded once more. “Then come here and vamos.”

You were extremely excited to go with Carlos to your first ever masquerade ball. You’d spent weeks agonizing over what color scheme to choose for your dress so that it would match up with your mask, whereas Carlos had selected a simple black-and-white tuxedo with a stormy gray mask. “I want you to stand out, amor. I don’t care what I wear. I want everyone to be looking at my beautiful girlfriend, not me.”

Forty-five minutes later and you were in the ballroom, your jaw gaping open in awe. A large gilded chandelier hung suspended over the crowd, a thousand candles flickering vividly. The floor was a plush red carpet and the walls were filled with ancient portraits. You could swear that some of them were alive, and that they were staring at you.

Hopefully not judging you…

Carlos signaled a waiter over and ordered a glass of wine for the both of you. “I need to use the restroom,” he told you. “Don’t drink my wine, ¿OK, cariña?”

You nodded and gave him a peck on his cheek, watching him disappear through the crowds. A few moments later, your wine appeared and you took a gulp, tapping your foot impatiently as you waited for Carlos to return.

Minutes ticked by and still Carlos had not come back. Maybe he got caught up talking to someone, you assured yourself. He’s fine. 

But even after the belltower chimed eleven, Carlos was nowhere to be seen. You began a frenzied search for him, asking people frantically if they knew his whereabouts. Everything was a dead end, until…

The familiar tall, bronzed body with his fingers twisted through another woman’s hair, his lips plastered against hers like they were glued together.

Your breath stuttered in shock, tears pricking your eyes like knives.

Without another second wasted, you turned your back on him and fled the scene where your heart was torn into a million pieces.

Buenos Aires, Argentina

“So, what do you do for a living?” you asked Franco a few hours later as the sun was descending into the horizon. You had left the ball an hour previously, finding your way into a small cafe where you two had been chatting and sipping on green tea. 

“Oh, I drive cars,” Franco responded, his eyes lighting up. “I’m a Formula One driver.”

Your heart spasmed in your chest and you fought to remain still. “Really? What team?”

“Williams,” he specified, one shoulder shrugging nonchalantly. 

The same team Carlos was heading to after the end of this year. God liked to play cruel games on you, that was for sure. “Interesting.” You tapped your fingers against the wooden table. “Do you enjoy it?”

Franco bowed his head. “Very much. I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t.”

“How long have you been racing?” you inquired.

“In Formula One? Since the start of this season. I was pulled in because a different driver wasn’t doing well. Mejor para mi, supongo.”

At least he didn’t have years of experience like Carlos did. Franco was getting newly acquainted with the lifestyle and demands that was Formula One, which was all the more reason that you should stay away. If Carlos could not resist the temptations, Franco would break in an instant. That much you could tell already from the way that he had effortlessly flirted with you, like it was second nature. “I hope you stay longer.” You gave him a smile, suddenly nauseous and desperate to leave. “But I think that I must say goodnight and go home.”

Franco pouted. “Lo siento. I gave you my number. Stay in contact with me, por favor.”

“I will,” you promised, although you did not have any intentions to do so. The ghosts of Formula One had to remain in the past, and you couldn’t move on if you dated a driver from the same future team as your ex. “Goodnight.” “Buenas noches.”

It was so strange how life was. You had never believed in predestination; you always thought that life was constantly changing. There was no such thing as fate or destiny, but the more you thought about it, it seemed like there was only one road for you to travel down. 

Deja vu was everywhere, and God forbid you if you succumbed to its miseries.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

[melancholyshadow]

hi! i was wondering if you can write aki hayakawa x reader fic, something fluffy and domestic, maybe him being a little silky amd flirty (reader and aki are a couple)

THIRD TIME'S A CHARM - A. HAYAKAWA

PAIRING: aki hayakawa x f!reader

WARNINGS: not proofread!, just some horribly written fluff

SUMMARY: the two times aki didn't know what he was feeling, until it finally clicked.

WORD COUNT: 2.1k

A/N: i haven't written fluff in AGES, so i hope this is along the lines of what you were asking for anon, i kind of went my own way, but thanks for requesting!! if you have any request, feel free to drop them in my inbox! (be sure to check who i write for first!)

DIVIDER: @adornedwithlight <3

MASTERLIST

For the longest time, love was an unfamiliar concept to Aki Hayakawa. 

That was until he met you.

It wasn’t a feeling that just appeared one day, but a feeling that grew slowly over the course of your relationship.

When Aki thought about it, there were three specific memories that came to mind.

Moments that only made him fall further down the rabbit hole. 

Until that day he finally said that he loved you. 

The first time Aki felt it was about two months in, and it was a rare Saturday night for him.

Instead of being stuck at the Public Safety office, drowning in paperwork until midnight, he was at your apartment. He stood in the bathroom, in front of the sink, with his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth, watching you intently through the mirror. Per usual, he was easily distracted by your presence, as you applied some mascara to your eyelashes and mouthed the words to the song that played from your phone. 

He texted you the night before, and informed you to be ready by eight tonight, that he was taking you on a real date. Most of your dates, thus far, have been him coming to your place directly after work and ordering takeout. You certainly didn’t mind those sorts of dates, but this was a nice change. 

Aki informed you he was taking you to the bar, so you dressed accordingly. Casual, but still cute. The time was somewhere around seven-thirty, and you were finishing up, spritzing yourself with your favorite perfume.  

“Ya’know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything other than slacks or sweatpants.” You teased him, pausing the music and wiping away a small speck of rouge mascara. He chuckled at your comment, he just continued to  brush his teeth, and watched you as you walked out of the bathroom and into your connected bedroom. 

“Leather or jean jacket?” He heard you call from inside your closet. After quickly rinsing off his toothbrush and putting it in the holder, he walked out to join you. You stood in front of your full-length mirror, holding both garments in front of your body. 

“Jean?” Aki said, although it came out more as a question. “But the denims don’t match, the jacket is too dark.” You huffed out. “Leather, then?” He suggested. “With the black top? I don’t want to look like some biker.” You explained, letting out another sigh. Aki chortles, and you whip around to look at him. 

“Why’re you laughing?” You asked, looking at him through the slits of your eyes. “Why ask if you don’t like either option?” He inquired. You just looked at him for a moment, genuinely considering his question, “You’re no help, you’re supposed to humor me.” You said, jokingly. 

Eventually, you decide on no jacket, not wanting it to ruin your outfit. 

The bar ended up being packed, even for a Saturday.

There was barely any room to move. Aki kept a secure hand on the small of your back as you navigated towards the bar. You finally find a spot to squeeze yourself into and motion to the bartender. Aki’s much larger frame is standing guard behind you, taking the brute force of the drunks walking past.

You order your favorite drink, and get Aki a beer. Surprisingly, there was a free table in the corner of the room, and you hunkered down there for the night. The night passed along at a steady pace, and you two talked to each other about whatever topics pop into your mind at that moment. As there was still a lot the two of you didn’t know about each other. 

Aki decides to only have a couple beers since he was the one who was driving you home. However, that meant you had free reign, and you took advantage of that. Neither of you went out often, and you were usually the designated driver for your friend group when you went out, so this sort of night was few and far between. 

It was around one in the morning, and you were too many drinks in to count. Aki was talking about one of his co-workers and how immature she could be. You tried your hardest to concentrate on what he was saying, but you were distracted. 

Distracted by him. 

By the way, Aki's lips moved while he talked, and his tongue swiped over his bottom lip occasionally. How his icy blue eyes still popped, even under the dim bar lights. The fact that he had a perfect button nose. And his hair, how it fell across his face just right. You genuinely could have stared at him for hours. 

“You’re not listening, are you?” His voice brought you out of your trance. He wasn’t angry, he couldn’t be, not at you, he was more amused. “‘M sorry, your jus’ so pretty.” You whined, propping your head up with one hand. “And you are drunk.”  Aki let out a genuine laugh. It made your heart skip. 

Aki would be lying if he said he hadn’t been thinking the same thing about you, he was just better at concealing his ogling. You always looked beautiful to him, even when you weren't trying. But, right now with that drunken flush flooding your cheeks, and the accompanying glossy eyes, you looked almost angelic beneath the dingy lighting. 

This is when he first felt it. 

Something he wasn’t able to explain. 

So, he ignored it. 

The second time was three months later. 

Aki was having a particularly bad day.

 Actually, it was an awful day. 

It was a plethora of things. He woke up late, people filing their paperwork wrong, perfectly good leads going missing, Denji and Power were being extra annoying and combative, and Makima’s usual unrealistic expectations. He had been so busy that when you sent him a text earlier in the day, he didn’t even have a single second to read it or respond. 

So, by the time the clock struck six, Aki was practically sprinting out the door. As soon as he stepped outside the Public Safety building, he lit up a cigarette and practically ran to your apartment. All he wanted was to see you, he knew that would make his horrid day all worth it. 

He let out a sigh of relief as he pulled his key from the lock, and pushed the front door open. The apartment was dark as he kicked off his shoes, he called out to you but got no response. You were supposed to be home, you had the day off. Aki grabbed his phone from his back pocket, remembering he had a text from you. Maybe you sent him a message to tell him you had picked up a shift at work. 

Except when he opened the message, it was not about you going into work. 

sent at 10:08am  you <3: happy birthday, aki! i hope you have a great day at work, can’t wait to see you later! <3

Happy birthday? 

Before he could ponder your text for much longer, he heard your voice call out to him from deeper inside the apartment. He noticed a small amount of light coming from the living room, so that’s where he decided to investigate first. 

As he flipped on the overhead light, that’s when he found you. You were stood in the middle of the room, cake in hand, decorated with numbered candles, small flames flickered at the wick. “Happy birthday!” You exclaimed, the smile on your face practically beamed off your lips. 

Aki was speechless. 

The entire room was decorated. There were streamers strung from each corner of the room, a garland with the words ‘happy birthday’ hung from the window above the couch. Balloons littered the carpeted floor, and some hung high on the ceiling. A festive table cloth covered the short-legged table in the middle of the room, and three perfectly wrapped presents and a card sat atop it. 

“Wait, did you seriously do all of this?” He asked, when his mouth was finally able to formulate some sort of response. “Of course I did.” You chuckled, “Now, come blow out these candles.” You added. Aki stepped closer, and noticed it wasn’t just some store bought cake, it was homemade. 

“And you made me a cake?” He asked, and looked up at you. You nodded, that smile on your face growing even wider, “Make a wish!” You reminded him. Aki blew out his candles, and took the cake from your hands, placing it on the table. You opened your mouth to question him, but before you could, he pulled you into his chest.

That unknown feeling popped up again at that moment. 

As he held you in his arms and admired all the work you had put in. 

This time he recognized that what he felt wasn’t just in his chest, but his heart.

The final time was a couple weeks shy of your one year anniversary.

It was a cold Sunday morning, and it was quite early. 

Aki was already up and had snuck out of bed. He started the coffee pot and when it was done brewing, he poured himself a cup and sat on your patio. He watched the people pass by below. Taking the occasional sip of coffee or drag of his morning cigarette to warm up the chill that reached his bones. When both were done, he attempted to try and slip back into bed with you. 

The keyword was attempt. 

You stirred just as he situated himself under the covers. 

He stilled any movements, hoping you would just fall back asleep. However, you flipped over and looked at him with your sleep-filled eyes. “Aki?” You asked. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” He cooed. You let out a small hmpf and collapsed next to him, with your head on his chest. He chuckled a bit, as he felt your body go limp, and your breath shallow out. 

Aki was certainly a morning person, mostly because he had to be, and you were more of a night person. There were many Sundays similar to this, where Aki had started his day hours before you started yours. He certainly wasn’t complaining, he enjoyed these moments with you. 

It was about an hour later when you would finally rise for the day, but it was a slow process. 

Aki had been enjoying the silence, which was only interrupted by the occasional snore that passed your lips. Your body began to move in the slightest way, but it wasn’t like the occasional twitch your body produced while you slept, but more of a stretch, like you were attempting to loosen your tight muscles. 

You sat up slowly, and used your fists to rub the fuzziness from your eyes. “Good morning.” He said softly, as you stretched your arms over your head and your legs out in front of you, a couple pops coming from your bones. “Good morning.” You murmured, finally looking at him with a sleepy smile. 

Aki knows you don’t necessarily like being asked a million questions just as you wake up, so the two of you sit in silence for a few minutes, allowing you to wake a bit more first. You turn to face him, and situated your body to do the same. 

“Being half-asleep is a very good look on you.” He uttered softly, and tucked a strand of loose hair behind your ear. In the mid-morning sun, you looked absolutely divine to Aki. Between the disheveled hair, glazed over eyes, lazy smile and puffy cheeks you looked more beautiful than ever. At that moment, he imagined himself walking up to that sight every morning. 

That’s when that mysterious feeling began creeping back into Aki’s chest, and back into his heart. 

That’s when it seemed to click in Aki’s mind. 

He was feeling love. 

Something he hadn’t felt in years, not since his family was alive.  

That’s why he couldn’t put his finger on it. 

But, this was different. This love made his heart race, his palms sweat, and his stomach turn. That’s why he got nervous to see you, that’s why he was always thinking about you, and that’s why whenever he pictured his future you were included. 

“What’s wrong?” Your voice pulled him from his thoughts, before he went reeling. You were staring at him with your big bright eyes. You could tell he had gotten lost in his thoughts, something that happened to him quite often. “Are you okay?” You asked. He took your smaller hand into his much larger one. He was smiling, but it was one you had never seen before. You opened your mouth to ask him if he was alright again, but he spoke instead. 

“I…” Aki struggled with his words, although he knew exactly what he wanted to say. He was nervous you might not feel the same way, that this might all be one-sided. That he might have read the situation wrong. But he decided to say it anyway.

“I love you.” 

And without hesitation, you responded. 

“I love you more, Aki.” 

if you thought my smut was rusty, my fluff is even worse!

[djarincore]

Hello! I saw requests were open and thought you may like this prompt

Imagine reader was in some way, shape, or form really good at flying a ship. It doesn't matter what kind it is, they can fly it. And din and reader are being chased by pirates or something like that, and the reader takes over flying while din goes off to do something, and all of a sudden their doing Barrel rolls and death drops making all the cargo fly everywhere (it would be hilarious if this is new information to din and he didnt know reader could do this)

This is just a silly little thought i had. You can add onto it and change it however you like (if you could add like mild tension of any kind i would be very grateful!) Love ya!

-H

TAGS: slight angst, injury mention, misunderstandings?, happy ending

A/N: hi H!!!! I loved this request and I'm sorry it took so long. I got sucked into the dragon age rabbit hole and just managed to crawl out after finishing origins lol hope you enjoy it!!!

—

Din’s breathless voice came through the com, “Get the ship started.”

You could tell he was running from the sound of blaster fire. Another failed bounty, you could only assume, for the third time in a row.

Things weren't looking so good for the two of you. Your partnership with the bounty hunter started with Grogu, getting him to the Jedi safely, and with Grogu gone now, things were tense. You didn't know where your partnership stood anymore, what it meant now that the mission was done.

You bring the engine to life with the flip of a few switches absentmindedly.

When you heard the clamoring of boots against steel, you shot up from the pilot seat and took your place in the co-pilot seat. Din came in seconds later, sliding into the pilot seat and getting the ship in the air.

“Hurt?” you muttered, fingers twitching in your lap as you await an answer.

He didn't respond, but his fingers curled around the wheel.

“I don't think they're following us. I’ll be back.”

He slipped out of the chair, switching into autopilot, and the door with a slight limp, disappearing down the ladder.

You sighed. He always lets you patch him up, at least before. Was it really time to move on? Was this his way of telling you he didn't need you anymore?

In your wandering thoughts, you failed to notice the tailing ship until shots blasted past the wings of the ship. Your mind and body jolted into action, slipping into the captain's chair.

Sharp, calculated maneuvers had the ship diving and twisting to avoid being shot.

You could hear the clamor of things in the cargo hold being thrown around, including Din. He was cursing, grunting, being shoved against the cramped walls of the hold.

Eventually, you managed to lose the pirates once again, settling back into the pilot's seat and hearing Din clamor back up the ladder into the cockpit.

“What the hell were you doing?” Din snapped, spinning your chair around.

His tone made you bristle. “Saving our asses. Those pirates were on us,” you retorted.

“Yes, but your piloting was reckless. You should've called me.”

“Sorry if I'm a little rusty,” you huffed. You hadn't been able to practice your piloting skills since Din always flew. It was his ship after all, and you were always busy with Grogu to chip in. “If you don't like my piloting, then I'll go. Seems like lately, you don't need my help with anything. So, what am I still doing here?”

There it was. The topic you'd been too afraid to broach. Your throat tightened, and suddenly you realized the fatigue in your muscles pulling your body to the ground.

You're glad you don't have to see his face. The silence is enough. You had to go.

“I'm going to bed. I'm sure you’ve got this handled.” You left the pilot seat and brushed past him.

—

Sleep didn't come easy which was why you could hear Din approaching your cot. He paused at your bedside, and you could feel his gaze on your back.

You turned over and looked at him with narrowed eyes, waiting for him to speak up.

“I didn't know you knew how to pilot,” he started, easing down onto one of the crates. You picked up on the faint hiss he let out and the way his body slumped to one side.

“Well, you don't know a lot about me.” You didn't mean for it to come out so harsh, but maybe it's a truth the both of you needed to hear. When you reflected on your journey together, neither of you had ever been open to one another. As someone who only ever had themselves to rely on, being vulnerable was foreign to you. Now you were losing Din because of it.

Just when your chest started to constrict, he finally said just enough for you to hear, “I'd like to.”

Your eyes widened, your mouth moving to speak, but the words were lost. In reality, you didn’t know how to say you wanted that too.

“I don't want you to leave. We… work well together,” he confessed.

You sat up, heart hammering in your chest as you stared at him, and nodded. “Okay, I'll stay.”

There were a lot of things the two of you had to work on, but you were glad this wasn't the end.

[xinganhao]

hiii user xinganhao!! not sure if you're a xdinary heroes fan, butttt i'm trying to look for some gunil fluff fics and i cant find any rlly good ones so can you give some recommendations? and maybe some wonwoo fics?? alsooo!! i luv your work^^ you're such a good writer!! can't find any good writers aside from you so can you recco some good writers too?? they don't have to be like your work, at this point i'm just longing for good writers and not those "jeon jungkook x reader, a alpha male wolf and a tiny little kitty" kinda things... sorry to disturb your time!!

hi, anon! thank you so much for appreciating my writing (´◡`) this ask honestly couldn't have come at a more opportune time, because recently i've fallen WAYYY back into my xdh rabbit hole? (i'm a predebut villain + also gunil biased! omg) i'm still looking for more xdh writers to read, but i'll try to get back to you when i find something that catches my eye <3

on the topic of wonwoo fics & good writers, here's some of my current favorites:

my favorite wonwoo fluff is this drabble by fxstpace. i read it when i first joined svtblr around october and i haven't stopped thinking of it at all + aspen's spider-man!sunghoon singlehandedly dragged me back into my engene brainrot

wonustars' in front of me (pt. one + pt. two) is a body of work that characterizes wonwoo so, so well. i'll rave about anna's writing for days. i swear

cxffecoupx currently has THE cutest winter wonderland collection for all your christmassy vibes! ris' first snow with jihoon is my favorite ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡

genuinely convinced that kkaetnipjeon's stuff to talk about is one of the best mingyu pieces i've read,, loved everything about it!! i am still going insane over it!!

i want it on record (pun intended) that diamonddaze01's f1 driver!jeonghan au has me on my knees. on the record & off the record have me clawing at the walls of my enclosure,, tara. when i catch you tara.

sorry if this isn't necessarily the xdh recs you were looking for, anon, but trust that there's a lot of writers worth looking into! if you ever find xdh/gunil work, pleaseee slide into my inbox again lmao. i need that man so bad (´•̥̥̥ ‸ •̥̥̥`✿)

[peachi-blossom]

My thoughts on Hazbin Hotel as a non HH fan

Originally, I was just here to watch people criticizing Hazbin Hotel. But when the recent controversies came in, I feel like I have to step into the fandom rabbit hole.

As a non Hazbin Hotel fan, I've watched the pilot, read the prequel comics, watched the ADDICT music video, and finally the show itself. (I've watched the show on March 15th.)

NOTE: I didn't watch the show on TV so I watched it on a pirated website instead and read the transcript because no way am I watching this in front of my parents, my siblings, or Grandma. This is my personal opinion on the show.

Pilot: So Hell is basically Earth except it's painted red and inhabited by demons. The background has too much red, but not as bad that it makes my eyes bleed. I don't like how the female characters have the same color scheme except Vaggie and Niffty (pilot only). For example, Charlie, Katie Killjoy, and Cherri Bomb. The only two funny parts of the pilot is when the top hat demon says "Wow! That was s***!" after Charlie sings Inside of Every Demon is a Rainbow and when Angel pokes his head in as Vaggie is giving Alastor a warning. I didn't like the daddy joke. It just sounded bad. Also, why is there a joke about harlequin babies?

Prequel comics that are no longer canon: Basically the prequel comics focuses on Angel Dust and Alastor.

For Dirty Healings, it shows how Angel Dust first met Charlie and Vaggie. I knew that Vaggie's name was named after a uh, you know. Ugh… Why did Vivienne Medrano had to name her that? Also I hate Valentino.

As for A Day In The After Life, it just shows why Alastor is the most feared demon in Hell. Also he swears after seeing Vox.

ADDICT music video: I genuinely have no thoughts on this music video. I think this was just bait for the SA and CSA victims. Sorry for those who like the MV.

Episode 1: This is worse than the pilot. I did NOT like the beginning part. It's biblically inaccurate for multiple reasons, but I feel like a few people only talk about this one thing. Sin didn't exist until Adam and Eve ate the fruit of knowledge of good and evil. Not only that, but it's also misogynistic too because it was just Eve who ate it. What makes it misogynistic is that it implies that all women would have to bear the sins of Eve ALONE. There's rampant swearing and sex jokes. Also, isn't Archangel Michael supposed to be the leader of the Army of God? Anyways I'm siding with the angels.

Episode 2: The red is so bright that it hurts my eyes. It doesn't help the fact that Alastor blends in the background. Oh yeah, when Vox tells Sir Pentious to kill himself, it made me feel sad because it reminded me of the Shay incident. The time when the stans drove Shay to kill themself because they were uncomfortable with the large age gap of HuskerDust.

Episode 3: Why? Why is there a BDSM sex dungeon?! I know that was Angel's idea, but still. Why?! I seriously have no words. When Zestial says "What troubles thou?" I was like "Huh?". It should be "What troubles thee?". I think his Old English has grammatical errors. The Egg Boiz, Carmilla, and Zestial are bearable because they never said a swear word. Off topic, but Velvette's swirl streaks on her hair makes me think of a swirl ice cream.

Episode 4: Before the show came out, I saw SlayQueenArt's post on Twitter (X) that says Vivienne Medrano hired Raphielle II, aka R2ninjaturtle, who has a rape fetish and isn't a SA victim. As someone who is formerly addicted to porn, this episode is insulting on so many levels. I didn't watch the whole Poison sequence because of that. And don't get me started on Loser Baby. I hate this song so much. It felt like it is blaming on SA and CSA victims for being SA'd. Like it is blaming me for being addicted to porn on and off when I was EIGHT. I know there are some victims who like episode 4 so I will leave them alone. I seriously hate how Charlie behaves like a toddler at the end. No grown adult should behave like a toddler like she did because being raped isn't a silly thing to cry over. Like, hello? She is the supposed to be the main character. Oh yeah, there was NO warning for the episode when the show premiered and it triggered the victims who watched it. SA and CSA victims are not losers. Former porn addicts are not losers. Nobody is a loser. I am NOT a loser.

Episode 5: Wow, Vivienne Medrano really turned Lucifer into King George from Veggietales. I guess this is what happens when King George gave in into his obsession with rubber ducks. I didn't like Hell's Greatest Dad because of the unnecessary rivalry between Lucifer and Alastor, but at least Mimzy ended the song. Oh boy, this is where I hate Alastor now. No really, he is Vivienne Medrano's first edgelord oc. He has gone full edgelord and is basically a Bill Cipher wannabe now. His full demon form is not even scary compared to Bill's final form. He no longer stands out from the main cast even if he rarely swears. Mimzy is basically the embodiment of the hooked nose stereotype. Wow, the embodiment of a Jew stereotype. How racist.

Episode 6: That was an absolute slap in the face at SA and CSA victims and me when Sir Pentious got SA'd! Seriously, Vivienne Medrano doesn't even care for the victims at this point! What's worse is that he is based off of her old ex-friend, DollCreep. Why did she whitewashed St. Peter?! I know there are white Jews, but he was born in ancient Israel so I wouldn't think he'll be looking like a white man with blonde hair and blue eyes. How come angels don't know how souls get to Heaven?! We got the Ten Commandments! We got Jesus Christ who took our place to die for our sins so we wouldn't have to bear these sins! Emily and Sera are bearable because you know. I hate how Niffty is being treated like a child when she's NOT. What's worse is that Niffty is supposed to be Japanese because of how people INFANTILIZED Asian people, especially women.

Episode 7: My issue with Out for Love is that when Carmilla tells Vaggie that she should fight for love and not for vengeance. Well, Vaggie always fight for love and never for vengeance. In Whatever it Takes, she literally says that she'll always protect Charlie. Where is the vengeance in that? That is poor character writing. Rosie is basically the blood libel stereotype where the Jews are cannibals. Again, that's just racist against Jews.

Episode 8: I thought the finale was pointless because there were no stakes and Sir Pentious' heroic sacrifice was comically anti-climatic. Like, why did Sir Pentious's so called friends cared about him when they didn't help him at ALL in episode 6?! I'm not a fan of the CherriSnake ship because Cherri only becomes interested in him because he has two "joysticks". Not to mention he kissed her without consent and she thinks it's hot after that. The problem with More Than Anything (Reprise) is that Vaggie reassures Charlie that she changed many lives, but she only changed one. I'm so glad Adam defeated Alastor first. There is absolutely no way Lucifer slept with Eve. Oof for Lute and Adam. You both fought well until the end.

The character designs are awful. Every male character basically looks like The Once-ler from The Lorax 2012 movie except for Adam (I know Alastor doesn't have a top hat, but still gives off the vibes. Zestial is more Burtonesque.). Not to mention they are all skinny twigs except for Adam (I think). The female characters in Hell have the same color scheme except Vaggie (again). For example, Charlie, Katie Killjoy, Mimzy (though her dress is a little darker), Cherri Bomb, and Niffty (show only). They have too much pinks, reds, yellows, whites, and blacks. I love pink, but this is too much. What's worse is that they blend in the background and again it hurts my eyes. There is NO color variety and I feel like my eyes are burning.

That's my thoughts on the show.

[ddoxhan]

say that it's love

on a day when stars pour down, so precious and rare I'll listen to every word you say, especially when it's love

word count : 4.8k words

genre : fluff and a sprinkle of appreciation for the people around you; you've been planning to confess but end up failing and you finally realize plans don't work; florist!hanni x fem!reader (a year older than hanni); girlfriends for the win !

t/w : none :) mentions of murder but jokingly?? (i fr dk how to t/w stuff)

a/n : hello everyone ! i present to you the final chap for 'baby's breath and lemon candies' series :D i hope this was a good wrap up for the short series :) enjoy !

taglist : @keiji-jin

you've been telling yourself that you were going to confess to hanni. and that has been the seventh time you've told yourself that after making up your mind. thinking and imagining about it was the easy step of the plan, but as you try to move onto the next stage of actually carrying out the confession, you just can't find the right timing to do it. (or more like you were just second guessing everything and maybe, you misunderstood her actions and she doesn't actually like you)

your attempts to confess ended up futile. the first time was very ambitious, as you were overflowing with passion to make it the best (and last) confession hanni would ever receive in her entire life. but that passion was met with the 'closed' sign on blooming potion's front door. a small note in the owner's cute handwriting, indicated she had closed early for personal reasons. (you forgot that hanni told you she was going to close early that day for a high school reunion dinner)

and that fact made you feel a little disheartened as it meant that she was going to be meeting her acquaintances who might possibly take the initiative to hit on hanni. to be fair, she's so beautiful that if they were to find out she was still single, your chance would be out the window that very second. (in the near future, you will come to know that all this worry was all for nothing because this certain someone had already fallen down the rabbit hole of love so deep, and she's happier than ever to be there)

since your plans were technically ruined (by yourself), you trudged your way back to blue rain in hopes that your beloved bosses were still in the middle of cleaning up the cafe. lucky for you, they were and you offered to close together. chaewon and minju noticed that you were looking unusually down hence they invited to go for a drink at downtown. technically, you had nothing to do so why not take up the offer? (safe to say, those two had to carry you back to your place and throw you onto your bed cause you drank till you were wasted)

the following attempt had a small margin of success but you were being a coward during the walk back home with her. fidgeting with the bicycle handles, kicking the small pebbles by the road, looking up into the sky, you name it. you tried so hard to shake off the nervousness and fear of getting rejected if you were to confess at that very moment. and by the time you thought you were ready, hanni had already walked up to her doorstep, waving goodbye with that smile you love. (which had you waving back at her awkwardly, as if you weren't so close to shout across that you liked her. which you didn't because that wasn't the best way to confess, obviously)

many more attempts had similar outcomes — failure. you weren't sure why it would end up being bad timings, or your cowardice getting the better of you. or sometimes, the thought of the confession flew past your head because you were too busy admiring hanni as you adore the way she puckers her lips every now and then when she talks about something, and the way her eyes sparkle when it comes to a topic she is interested in. (you were a simp for her, and you loved every second of it)

"you know, just standing by that counter every day at 8 won't get you a girlfriend."

chaewon's voice broke your trance as you tried to figure what went wrong with the last time you tried to confess.

"and you say that because you confessed to minju-unnie on the third date."

"no, I'm saying that because your ass needs to get moving before someone else stumbles upon your crush and makes a move on her."

you slouched on the counter with your arms, running your hands through your hair in frustration.

"it's not that I don't try, unnie. I've been attempting to for the past seven times."

the older girl gave you a skeptical look before standing from her seat by the window, placing her book down next to her cup of iced tea. (it wasn't peak hour so the shop didn't have any customers for the time being, therefore chaewon took the opportunity to laze around as she sent minju out to deliver the online orders)

"I don't know how you've attempted the past seven times, but have you ever considered not planning ahead?"

you looked up from your slouched position to find her leaning against the counter, eyeing you from above before she made her way into the working station.

"I've known you for three years now, and I just know that you would plan things ahead, a little too much ahead."

all you could do was stay silent and chuckle awkwardly because whatever chaewon had said was undeniably true.

"you love things to be perfect, just like how you would want the confession to be the most special, wonderful and extravagant experience for hanni."

"but you missed out on the part where it needs to be heartfelt."

with that, something rang within you. the bell of realization. you realize you weren't able to bring yourself to confess or carry out that plan in your head as it made things artificial. telling hanni you liked her had to come from your heart, not your brain. (during these kind of times, you thank chaewon for not roasting your dumb ass)

"and with it being heartfelt, it can also be simple."

while the older had hit you with words of wisdom, she had already finished brewing up a fresh cup of ice americano for you. it was one of the easiest to make on the menu and also a staple drink for customers in this season of summer.

just like this cup of ice americano, your confession could be simple and straightforward. no public stunts, no sparkles and party poppers, no surprises that would ruin the mood. just you, yourself, would bring out the best confession that only both you and hanni would ever know.

chaewon could only chuckle at your face of astonishment and enlightenment from her words. if she were to be truthful, although she had confessed on her third date with minju, she had also struggled to confess a lot of times before saying sike by kissing her. she had long noticed her on campus before they had officially met through the arranged date. (therefore she was speaking from experience)

she handed you the cup of coffee before leaving to finish that book she left on the table. as you drank your dose of caffeine for the day, you were motivated to just let that confession come naturally, just like how your feelings for hanni fell upon you.

the day went by rather quickly compared to the previous days where you were racking your head over the confession. before you bid farewell to chaewon and minju after closing up, you felt the urge to throw those two into a bear hug, and you did.

"what's with the sudden affection? are you going to kill us and take over the shop?"

minju thought you were going through late puberty these days, so she just went with the flow of whatever you did. including squealing like a lovesick high school girl swooning over a hot guy, which wasn't too far from where instead, you were just squealing over how cute hanni looks when she's asleep. (you went over to blooming potion as usual to walk the florist home but was met with a breathtaking sight of her asleep on the counter. therefore you couldn't help but take approximately 100 photos of her before she woke up naturally)

"maybe, who knows?"

and your playful reply earned a smack on your back from chaewon. but you just laughed it off, knowing that she rolled her eyes at your antics.

"okay, I'm not going to kill you but I am going to thank you for always being here for me, like older sisters."

"you guys just know what to say and when to say it, and I just felt like I wanted to thank you for it."

chaewon and minju exchanged glances and soon tears filled their eyes as it was their turns to bring you into a bear hug.

"you're growing up so fast."

"our baby is so mature these days, I feel so sad."

"why the hell are you talking like you raised me or something?"

they actually do treat you like their baby, especially when minju is giving you butt pats and squishing your cheeks right now.

"technically we sort of did throughout university until we graduated, and we're still raising you through your uni days."

"alright moms, I think the affection session has ended, so I will get going."

as you squirm out of their tight grips, they each gave you a ruffle on your hair before they walked hand in hand towards the opposite direction. (those two act more like your parents than your actual ones)

when you turned around, the familiar sight of blooming potion filled your heart with warmth and love. the thought of being this in love with someone would have never crossed your mind even if just a year ago. it's about time you knew, maybe, you don't like her.

maybe, you love her.

"need help with that?"

the soft ring of the bell on the door accompanied with your voice was something hanni could never get tired off. instead, it was more than she can ever ask for to have you by her side every day as you two walked home. all the days throughout spring into summer this year was special to her. (when she turned over to her left, you came into sight, smiling at her, and that's when her day is complete)

"unnie, I'm pretty sure you're shorter than I am."

she whipped her head towards the sound of your voice while she was arranging some stocks on the top shelves. your offended face had her burst out in laughter but thankfully, she was careful enough up there to not drop anything.

"you're lucky I'm in a good mood today, so I'm letting you off the hook."

it's been months since you've met hanni and came over every evening to walk her home. you oh so naturally walked over to the counter to close the cashier, followed with cleaning up the flower remnants on the countertops.

"what put you in a good mood?"

hanni came down from the ladder before walking over to you by the countertops.

"I don't know, I just feel happy and all that. just not in a bad mood, I guess."

you actually didn't know why. perhaps, you woke up on the right side of the bed, the cafe didn't have any nasty customers with complicated orders, and chaewon wasn't roasting your ass for once. maybe all of these combined made you a better day than the rest, which were undeniably good days too. (you had a hunch that something good was going to happen but couldn't pinpoint on what it was exactly)

"then that calls for a celebration!"

seeing the girl being happy on your behalf, although it was something so trivial. it warmed your heart a little, reminded that you have someone who cherishes you more than yourself.

"for my good mood?"

"yup! we can head to town for this really good ramen place, and right opposite it is a bakery I've really wanted to try."

whenever hanni talked about food, especially bread, her face would literally light up. the next thing you know, you'll have her ramble on about what bread she's into right now and what new stores she's discovered. (you found it really adorable, very endearing as all you do whenever she does that is stare and nod because whatever she likes, you will also)

"sounds like you're eager to go more than I do."

you couldn't help but let a chuckle escape your lips as her cheeks are painted with a light shade of pink. her attempt to hide by turning around with her back facing you let you know you were bullseye. (not sure if it's because you two spend so much time together, her ears turn red when she's shy or embarrassed, just like you do)

"alright, let's close up real quick and head over. hope you don't mind my driving."

renting a car definitely wasn't within the budget. it simply amazes you every time when you find yourself doing the unimaginable for the love of your life.

"two bowls of regular pork bone soup ramen, with an agedashi tofu side. thank you."

the place was rather quiet, despite being in the always bustling town. you wonder how hanni had found such a place, and before you could even look over to ask her, it's as if she read your mind.

"actually, an old friend of mine owns this place. she's currently out right now so maybe later, I could introduce you to her."

"I haven't even asked you, yet you just know what goes on in my head."

"perks of spending time together every day? you know how much we talk throughout the walks and those calls."

"well that, I can't deny."

curiosity about this friend of hers occupied your mind, which had you shoot your question.

"who's this old friend by the way? high school acquaintaince?"

"mhm, we reconnected after losing contact with each other at the reunion dinner the other day."

a nod was your only answer, because what else could you have done? imagine being so young and already running a whole shop on your own, you could never. not when you're only a struggling university student. (to be honest, you were slightly jealous of this old friend of hers before coming to know that she was already dating someone)

before you could create the worst scenarios of hanni and her friend in your head, the food arrived quicker than you expected. maybe god was also trying to save you from unnecessary heartache and worry about those two because really, there was absolutely nothing to fret about.

you tried your best to tell yourself that, but you just couldn't shake off that feeling of uncertainty which began eating you up. rather than eating up the bowl of ramen in front of you. even the younger girl felt it in the air around you, constantly eyeing you as you looked troubled, contradicting the very reason why you were here.

"hanni?"

"jen!"

an unfamiliar voice uttering her name had your head shoot up so fast, you almost choked on that piece of meat that you were swallowing. your eyes followed hanni's movements before it stopped upon a figure a lot taller than her. that was when your head short-circuited before it proceeded to run on that energy drink you had earlier.

"why didn't you tell me you were gonna drop by?"

"it isn't a surprise anymore if I just tell you."

their banter seemed so natural that it made you feel a little out of place. but you kept a façade that you believed wasn't too easy to see through, that you were making this stranger who is an acquaintance of hanni, your competition. (as you relived these memories in a very near future, you wished to smash your head into a wall, hoping to get a wake-up call because you were an idiot for even thinking)

but that didn't last long as your date tiptoed to whisper into jen's ears with the latter bending down a little to match their height. you had no right to be fuming but you did, internally and discreetly. (however, that was when you didn't know that hanni had been asking for advice from jen about her extremely obvious crush on an extremely obvious someone. what she whispered was, 'that's the girl I like by the way, so don't do anything stupid')

the two walked back over to your table before jen flashed you an unsettling and mysterious smile that had some meaning behind it, offering her hand along.

"nice to finally meet you, I've heard so much about you from hanni."

"jennifer, or yunjin. if you prefer korean."

her glance over to the said girl earned her a smack before you stood up to accept the handshake politely.

"nice to meet you, yunjin. although she hasn't told me anything about you, I did hear that you own this place."

"yes I do, along with my girlfriend. I hope you like the food so far, they're century-old recipes passed down from my girlfriend's family so I can guarantee it'd be the best ramen you can have in town."

although yunjin was explaining about the restaurant, you blanked out after hearing the word 'girlfriend'. it would have been great if you could just dig up a hole instantly and bury yourself in it cause oh boy, why did you put yourself through so much agony only to find out this rival of yours wasn't even competing with you in the first place. it was as if you were putting up a fight with an inflatable balloon, if that made sense.

"are you okay?"

the concern laced in hanni's voice dragged you out of your daze.

"yeah, I'm fine. sorry about that, just had a little something going in my head. not the best first impression, I know."

"don't worry, we all have those times. I'll take my leave first, I hope you enjoy the rest of your dinner."

as yunjin excused herself to tend to the restaurant, the two of you resumed with your meals. hanni's eyes never left you the entire time which made you a little awkward before malfunctioning altogether. her undivided attention on you made you wary of everything you did, including the way you chewed on your food or how big each bite was. it was making your heart pound a little harder than usual, but the thought of that didn't cross her mind as she was genuinely worried that you might have been uncomfortable with something.

alas, she was put to ease when you started to regain that playful demeanor of yours towards the end of the meal. you also let your guard down a little when hanni gave yunjin and her girlfriend, kazuha, a hug before leaving the restaurant. the two owners were bigger lovebirds than you expected, ultimately letting out that breath you were holding unknowingly. (honey, loosen up because no one's gonna take your girlfriend away from you)

initially, you were to drive back after dinner and drop your date off before heading back to your place. but seeing how there probably won't be another chance like this (a car you meant) with her, here goes nothing.

"would you mind if we headed south to the beach?"

you suggestion was either a hit or miss, and you could tell hanni loved the idea from the way her eyes shimmered a little at the thought of the calming ambience and scent of the sea. (it's been a while since she visited and she had always loved the sea more than mountains. it oddly felt like home, and so did you)

"of course! after all, I'm not the one driving."

she tried to play off her excitement nonchalantly, earning a chuckle from you.

"alright, let's head off then."

"oh, and we can even have those pastries by the beach."

perhaps because it was a weekday, there weren't many people by the beach. and you weren't complaining as that meant peace and quiet from potential screaming children. (you don't despise kids, but sometimes they can really get on your nerves)

you used to come to the beach back in your hometown as a kid with your parents and sister. your mom would enjoy the sun under the parasol while your dad went to fetch some drinks from the nearby store. you and your sister would build sandcastles and occasionally fight over who made a better one. (your dad would usually be the mediator, critiquing both sandcastles as if they were one of his projects)

the visits slowly died down as you grew older and you were convinced that your sister studying overseas contributed to it. but you do agree that the beach visits need not be so often, especially when your parents were getting old. (it was much better when your mom started reconnecting with her school friends and your dad going for golf with his retiree partners, enjoying the personal time they finally have after you moved out too)

"there's a really nice gazebo over there."

hanni pointed over to the lone gazebo sitting in the middle of the sand. it was a really odd place to see one but you did not question further as she pulled you along. (it would have been nice if she gave you more time to grab the box of pastries cause you almost shook up everything in it)

"hanni, slow down! the pastries are gonna get ruined!"

sometimes, you wonder if she loved bread more than she loved you. that does not sound right. hey, as a friend. (but not for long)

"my pastries!"

she came into an instant halt, making you almost squashing your face against her shoulder. the halt was necessary, with you by the gazebo already. it was a lot more cozy than you had expected, still a little chilly from the night breezes but it was just nice.

you knew she was very impatient ever since you had mentioned the beach. from the way her fingers kept fiddling with the hem of her shirt and how she struggled to conceal a wide grin from being plastered across her face.

hanni couldn't even wait for you to take a seat next to her as she opens the box, revealing the pastries that you and her had chosen before having dinner. even after a bowl of ramen, she still had more space for dessert. (you know what they say, people have a second stomach for desserts and hanni was not an exception)

the food you had earlier was finally easing down from potential indigestion. so you decided to watch the way her cheeks are puffed up from being full with pastries, the way her hair fluttered along the wind, and that cream below her mouth. (you found it adorable which had you leave it there for a while before doing something about it)

"you got some cream there."

pointing at your own to show her, hanni's eyes bore into yours as she attempts to wipe it off. she misses by a margin before trying again, and fails to locate it.

the smile on your face never left while she struggled, rummaging your pocket for the packet of tissue you usually carry along with you. pulling a single piece out, you folded it properly before facing her.

suddenly, you felt yourself break down. not emotionally, rather physically. you know when you see something so entrancing and mesmerizing, you just stop doing whatever you did and changed your course of action according to the visual info? yeah, that was your exact response.

the moonlight cascading on hanni's face, how her eyes glisten, as if she was looking at a person she cherishes a lot. perhaps she does cherish you a lot. and the proximity between your faces was a lot to take in (at this very moment, there was only one thing in your mind, and it sounds absolutely amazing)

your hand holding that tissue dropped down as you dived in to kiss the cream off of hanni's skin. it was a quick peck, your upper lip lightly grazing her lower lip as you pulled back to see her frozen. (big doe eyes, stiff body, mouth agape. if someone happened to walk past at that timing, they would've thought she saw a ghost)

you didn't know where that immense courage came from, and you were pretty sure even hanni was taken aback by your bold move. usually, she would be the one giving you cheek kisses for walking her back.

the grin that was already sporting on her face was replaced with a wider one if possible, and a different one at that. something about it told you that she was more than okay with what you had did back there. and maybe, it caused something to click in your head, figuratively and perhaps literally as if a switch had flipped on.

.

.

.

'confess.'

this very thought caused the adrenaline to course through your system, driving you into an overdrive of emotions. feeling that this was the timing to do it, you take a deep breath as you opened your mouth.

"I like you."

did you already say it before you actually thought you were ready? but that didn't sound like your voice. by the time you had snapped back from your questions, you felt a pair of hands cupping your cheeks before pulling you in closer.

everything went by like a flash and before you could comprehend things properly, hanni's lips on yours was the only thing that mattered at that moment. you could feel chills run down your back before leaving a tingling feeling across your whole body, contradicting the warmth that filled your insides. you weren't making any sense with your descriptions but whatever. (it might have been because of the wind but you knew better that it was hardly cold on summer nights)

'so this is how kisses feel like,' as you thought to yourself. the quick peck wasn't quite similar with this. you could feel hanni's feelings in that kiss, as if she was trying to tell you that she had been in love with you ever since she met you. (technically she did, but it was that she took approximately a week after to admit)

the kiss didn't last very long, considering how you practically broke down as your hands not knowing where to go. if anything, you were sure you looked like an absolute idiot in love with the person right in front of you, which was perfectly accurate.

"so.. do you like me too?"

maybe something about kissing hanni had a certain effect on you as you proceed to nod to her affirmative question, totally forgetting how to make up words to answer her. in a simple conclusion, your brain crashed and automatically had 404 error windows popping up, like how it usually does when she gets too close to you.

"gosh why are you so cute."

the compliments didn't help either with your crimson cheeks as they soon spread through your entire face. the sight of you being embarrassed than ever created the urge for her to wrap you in her arms as she coos at you, which she gladly succumbed to.

although you hadn't said much since, the reciprocated hug consisted of a thousand words of reassurance that you felt the same for her, if not more. as you remained still, listening carefully to your heartbeat and breaths slowly matching hers, your heart swelled when you realized that you found someone to love and that someone loves you very dearly too.

"you know, actually."

hanni's voice pierced through your attention on the everlasting moment. she pulled away slightly from the embrace, yet still holding onto you, before gazing into your eyes and saying the words that you didn't know you wanted to hear from the person you have met accidentally in spring, which was your most hated season.

"I love you,"

"and I will for as long as you and I are here."

every moment spent with hanni felt like a dream, even now. countless times, you had felt that you weren't someone who deserves such an angel in your mundane days, but she reassures you that you are someone who's deserving of all the nice things that exists in the world. (which she hates about because you were more than deserving of love and warmth, and she had been ready to be the one who gave those to you for a long time)

your hearty laugh wasn't something she or anyone in particular got to hear often. it was as if you were content with whatever that life was, for the first time. for the first time that you received the love that you had always wanted. and also because hanni stole your confession right out of your hands.

"you know, that was kinda my line, but I'll let it slide because I am in a good mood today."

"but also because it's you. you're my only exception, pham hanni."

"if I can, I'll say it over and over again until you get tired of me."

.

"I love you,"

"like baby's breath and lemon candies."

previous | masterlist | next

[ladyloveandjustice]

Someone's been in the Revolutionary Girl Utena rabbit hole for a bit 👀

I don't even know what it's about, I just see it and get happy

Mind telling me a bit on what it's about? I might watch it myself if it sounds like my thing, bc you seem to have great taste in anime and games

I do have good taste thank you! *flips hair* lol just kidding,

Revolutionary Girl Utena is a surreal and wild queer feminist deconstruction of fairy tale romance and shoujo tropes and it has a lot to say about systems of power, cycles of abuse, the ways people cling to an ideal of innocent childhood which may have never existed anyway, the concept of purity, fear of change and loss, and whether becoming an adult inevitably means being corrupted in some way. Lots and lots of gender, lots of queer characters struggling with compulsory heterosexuality... but over all, it's a deeply meaningful story about the human condition and growing up in an imperfect world.

But also people turn into cows sometimes, there are elephants of surfboards at one point, and one character has a very emotive pet monkey in a tie. at least we think it's a monkey. It can be very silly, is what I'm saying.

The basic plot is that a girl named Utena lost her parents at a very age, but a prince came and comforted her, giving her a ring and telling her to never lose her strength and nobility. Rather than taking that as an engagement offer and aiming to be his princess though, Utena actually admires him so much that she decides to become a prince who saves girls in trouble too. She's determined to find the prince who changed her life though, and her search leads her to a very fancy and phallic looking Ohtori Academy.

Then, when this shitty popular guy makes her friend cry, Utena challenges a guy to a duel to make him pay (as you do). ONLY to find out that the student council of her school are all secretly dueling each other to be engaged to "the Rose Bride", a girl who is supposed to give whoever's engaged to her the power to revolutionize the world. As part of the student council, the shitty popular guy assumes Utena wants to "win" the Rose Bride too.

So next thing Utena knows, she's been dragged into a duel to "win" the "Rose Bride" (who is actually just Utena's classmate, Anthy). Utena thinks that fighting to possess a girl like she's an object is pretty screwed up, but on the other hand, she IS devoted to saving girls, and that shitty popular guy IS treating Anthy pretty badly....

Could be that she'll end up engaged to Anthy, whether she likes it or not....

It covers a lot of dark topics, from misogyny to abuse (sexual abuse included) to child predators to incest (never framed as healthy or okay though, in one case it initially comes off as a joke thing for a character, like the typical anime comedic brother/sister complex, but throughout this characters arc it becomes clear that no, it's really not, and it is not good for the character in question). It's not a graphic show by any means, it handles its subject matter tastefully imo, and the way it explores these things is very effective. It takes a while to build up to where it's going, but the journey is worth it.

If you're interested at all in queer anime or like...queer western cartoons even because odd are they'll have a Utena reference-- it's a must see because it was massively influential. It was made more than 20 years ago and really holds up still.

I also did a review series about it here a while back that people found handy!

[ebonysplendor]

See Thru: Need a Friend? (DEMO) Review 🚗

TL;DR: You know when you tell you best friend that you guys are "4Lyferz" and that they'll never be rid of you because they know too much? Yeah, I feel like that this friend of ours means that in the most literal sense. We will literally never be rid of him, and he doesn't like it when we try to do so.

Game Link (original demo): https://itsyaboi328.itch.io/stnaf

Game Link (updated version -- no game download): https://itsyaboi328.itch.io/stnaf-chapter-0-1

Notable Features: Self-Insert, Custom pronouns, Yandere LI, Multiple endings Spiciness: 5/5 -- Our friend definitely gets a little...adventurous, if you know what I mean. Not only was there a CG of him between our legs, but there's some less than subtle details of what's going down between us. LI Red flags: 1.5/5 -- Possessive, and it's implied that he's done something shady. He also had like this weird change in emotion, but not much of the "yandere" is coming out right now.

Wanna know more? Aht, aht, aht! Not if you aren't 18+! I don't care if it's been forever since this game has gotten an update, you stay away so that there's still a chance of a release! That being said, if you're in the 18+ squad, let's get into it!

Yo ✌️

How it's going? I hope you're doing super well and that life has been treating you kindly. If not, I hope this'll give you a chance to escape.

Onto the topic at hand though, this is an oldie but a goodie for me. Like, deadass, this is what started my yandere visual novel rabbit hole. This was before Jack. This was before Ren. This was before Solivan. This was before all of them. THIS was the OG yandere bae, and I was down bad for this man, let me tell you lol.

Looking back, though, I'm not even entir-- well, yeah, I am lol; he's cute aye eff, that's why. I just wasn't aware that there were other questionably attractive yet psycho crazy men to choose from, but now I know better. That's what we call growth, folks. I've grown as a person.

Anyways, I'm making a review of this one, because I just replayed the game, and I'm trying to fill the void in my heart since an update hasn't been put out for this game in ages. Well, playable updates, at least. I'll get more into that during the review portion.

Frankly, I don't feel the need to be spoiler friendly, but I'm going to, because it's my thing, ya know? And it's also just on the off chance that someone is getting into their yandere visual novel era, and they haven't heard about this one yet. Shit, I don't even remember how I found out about this one. I just did one day, and I have been down bad for unstable men ever since. Well, at least on a larger scale lmao.

Anyways, enough yappin'. I'm gonna tell you as much about this oldie but goodie as possible without ruining the game itself. Just as a warning though, it may make you anticipate this game extra hard, and there doesn't appear to be any updates coming any time soon. It's okay, we'll cry together later. Just hit me up.

Okay, let's get into it.

So boom.

As these games tend to flow, the first thing we see is an unfamiliar place. Ah, yes, how typical. Upon some very brief further inspection, we realized that we were in the middle of the street. Huh...okay, so threatening and ominous graffiti aside, that's-- that's clearly not normal.

Naturally, we start wandering a bit and calling out into the void, and the void does not answer. A little rude but whatever, ya know, because typical. Also like typical, we hear some footsteps, and it's like "Help! Yay!" but then we see this:

And, now, it's like " ... :') ".

As the script tends to go, this guy is an active threat, we bolt, he goes "RAWR!" and does the whole "I'm GoNnA gEt YoUz~!" lunge, and--

SIKE. IT WAS A DREAM. Did I get you? Probably not because, let's be real, we would've woken up in some weirdo's dank ass basement all chained up with a headache or someshit. Anyways, we reassure our existence on Earth and solidify our awakenedness, and here comes our friend -- quite literally and appropriately named Friend -- waltzing into our house and scaring us out of our soul.

Actual friends, this is the OG yandere bae, Friend. Friend, these are the actual friends. Okay, great, we're all acquainted -- let's move on.

Friend, like the homie he beez, basically came over to offer us a ride to work and buy us a little wake me up as a bonus. Obviously, we couldn't say no to that, so we get ourselves together, get our wack ass uniform on, and get into his car...

...with the ... totally not sketchy license plate on it.

...Anywaaaaaaays~!

Now admittedly, Friend gets a little...handsy during the drive, but highkey? The boy is, and has always been, touchstarved. Like, he's that touchy-feely, always wants to hug, always wants to cuddle and hold hands, and ish friend, so it's like meh, whatever. It'd be more strange if he wasn't like this, ya feel me? At least, he always does the consent checks, which is always appreciated.

We get to the coffee shop, we drink our drinks, he gets all flirty, we lowkey tell him "Down boy", and then we realized that we effed up big time, because we are late as shit. But no worries! Friend being the...well friend, that he is, he's like. "Bro, I have a solution."

"Bro, no way. Tell me, bro."

"You can't be late if you just...don't go."

"...Really? That's your solution?"

"...yes."

"..."

I mean, Big Bang said it best -- 에라 모르겠다. In other words FUCK IT. LET'S DO IT.

So now, Friend is HYPE because we ditched work to hang out with him. He takes us home with a quickness, we get all cute, because we're about to hit up the mall, and--

--this man is CLEARLY thirstin'...but we don't notice for plot purposes.

ANYWAYS. We make it to the mall, and we absolutely had to hit up Scorching Subjects which is totally not Hot Topic and is in no way related to it. While we're in there though, one of the workers gets a little too friendly, at least by Friend's standards, and he gets really snippy with the guy.

This causes a weird thing between them, and the weird thing between them causes a weird thing between us, and it makes the whole outing weird because it's like "Dude, you don't have to be so jealous", and he's like "I would never be jealous of someone like him", and it's like "Ayo, 'someone like him'? That's giving 'you people'" and he's like "Well, go talk to your new best friend since y'all are so close. You're welcome for trying to protect you", and it's-- it's an entire thing now.

Of course, we couldn't let that go, though, so we debrief with him in the car, and we thought briefly about apologizing for how we went about it, but it was like for why, ya know? Friend was clearly out of line, protective big brother type ish or not. So what do we do? We let him have it. We tell him off for acting the way he did at the mall, and we're like "Dude, you're honestly so overbearing sometimes, and it's frickin' creepy."

"You...think I'm overbearing?"

"Lol you think I'm creepy?!"

*Siiiiiigh* All right, truth time.

Maybe, just maybe, we should have let it go and apologized.

CAN YOU BE DEVESATED WITH ME FOR A SECOND? CAN YOU PLEASE JUST CRY WITH ME FOR A MOMENT? Like I said in the beginning, this game has been out forever now, so those of you that know about it understand my heartbreak. Also like I said, this was OG yandere bae, so this was like going on a date that you thought went really well and then never hearing from them again afterwards.

Bro, the fact that this game has been in the beginning stage for going on TWO YEARS WITH ZERO UPDATES. Like, this man literally ghosted me. Like, I went on the OG game page, and you know what I saw? Do you know what I saw?

Bitch (affectionately, of course) that says published on 11 August 2022, and it got an update, which I'm pretty sure was for translations, bug fixes, appearance, or whatever, on 26 November 2023. WE ARE IN THE YEAR 2025 NOW, AND I AM IN TEARS. HOW COULD THE DEV--

Actually, that was somewhat of a lie. While there hasn't been any playable updates, the dev DID start working on revamping the game like mid last year, but unfortunately no playable updates or downloads for the actual game.

Aside from all the sad though, I'm still really excited for if and whenever this game finally drops. I just really want to know the aftermath of choosing fighting words with Friend, and Friend is lowkey kinda fine, especially since he's extra pretty now. Like, have you seen the revamped version of him? Let me show you~!

Like, sheeeeeeeesh. That boy looks crisp now.

Actually, now that I'm looking at the revamped him...he lowkey looks like he showers now lol. I didn't realized that he looked kinda dirty and sleep deprived until now lmao. Like, he didn't look like he smelled bad, but just that he may have been rocking the whole "I've worn these clothes 3 different times this week and have only showered once for like 5 minutes since last week".

Anways, I'm supposed to be reviewing the game lol, and I was yappin' about other stuff. As I was saying, I am still excited about the possible development of this game. It has a good build up of drama so far, there's a NSFW scene -- which is always a plus --, and I love the sneak peak of the yandere that is doomed to come out. I honestly think it's funny and lowkey cute that Friend's name is just...Friend. Like, something about that is just so fitting. The art is pretty solid stuff, and, as you can see, the dev's art style has definitely improved, so you can only image how the rest of the game will look.

That's pretty much all I have to say about this one. Like I said, oldie but goodie, but definitely play at your own risk, because, like I've mentioned, a playable update hasn't been a thing for about 2 years now, and I don't want you to get attached and start feenin' and foamin' at the mouth and ish. If you want to give the dev that possible motivation/inspiration and that reassurance to continue or not give up or whatever, here's both the OG link and the new link so you can tell them, "Howdy! Hope you're doing well! Um, if you don't want me to commit arson in your honour, could you drop an update, please? ...Unless the arson will please you? Listen, I'm attached and unhinged at the same time. I desperately need an update, dude. Like, please, take your time, because, you know, perfection can't be rush and everything, but like...I beg. You're doing such an amazing job. Don't leave me hangin'."

Anyways! I believe I've met my yap quota for the day, and hey! We made it (over) a year around the sun together! Here's to many more, and I really hope you'll stick around with me for it. Big preesh for getting this far and hanging out with me for this long. Please, please, please remember to drink water, don't be dumb, and I hope to see you around~!

See Thru: Need a Friend? (game download)

See Thru: Need a Friend? (updated game page -- no game download)

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Hey, this is going to be long and wordy but I’m kinda desperate. Lately I’ve been having doubts about whether Jesus actually said what’s recorded in the gospels and whether those accounts are true, and the uncertainty there scares me, especially since I know the gospel writers almost certainly had their own agendas and that’s why accounts of the same event can sound different, why the birth narrative was skipped over or not, etc. On top of that I’ve seen posts from Jewish users outlining why Judaism typically doesn’t accept Jesus as Messiah/why you can’t be Jewish if you believe that, and their arguments seem pretty sound. So it all boils down to this big scary question of “What if this whole Jesus-as-Messiah thing was just the result of projection onto some random guy who seemed to be the real deal because the writers were so desperate to be rescued from the Roman occupation?” It sucks cuz I’ve been enjoying my renewed interest in church (for the most part) and while I’ve tried my best to learn not to take the Bible literally all the time (yay for growing up in an inerrantist doctrinal tradition 🙄), I still want to take it seriously and I still want to believe in Jesus as savior/Lord/etc. I don’t want to just be like, “Yeah I don’t buy the whole Messiah thing but I can still follow his example!” I want there to be meat behind why I follow, if that makes sense. So inasmuch as this could be my OCD being bored and trying to take hold of whatever it thinks would bug me the most (wouldn’t be the first time!), I would really appreciate any advice you have. I know there may not be any certainty or reassurance to be found here, but I still want to hear from someone who’s been there before so I can chart a path forward, and I think this is an important question to wrestle with. Plus I remember from one of your posts you said you have seminary notes on this exact topic so I’m curious lol.

"Gospel Truth": how do we know what Jesus really said and did?

Hey again! Sorry for the long delay on this one but I wanted to do some research before responding! You're right that these are important questions, and you're absolutely not the only one to feel doubt and anxiety over them. You're also right that I can't offer you certainty, but I do hope you'll find encouragement here, and places to go as you continue your journey.

This got super long (as always lol), so let's start with aTL;DR:

In this post, you'll find that there's a lot that we can surmise is very probable about Jesus' life story, but that ultimately we can't know much for certain — and that's okay. In Evolving in Monkey Town: How a Girl Who Knew All the Answers Learned to Ask the Questions), Rachel Held Evans gets to the heart of the matter:

"I don’t know which Bible stories ought to be treated as historically accurate, scientifically provable accounts of facts and which stories are meant to be metaphorical. I don’t know if it really matters so long as those stories transform my life."

This is a time where scholarship & faith go hand-in-hand: using the minds God gifted us, we study and learn what we can; and we cultivate faith in the things we can't — a faith that doesn't deny doubt, but makes room for it, and calls us into community so that we can wrestle out meaning together.

A couple other notes before we kick off:

Please know that you don't Have To Study All The Things if you decide it's healthier for you not to go chasing those rabbit holes. You don't need to be an expert in Biblical studies to be a "good Christian" or to take scripture seriously or to get to know God deeply.

I trust you know yourself and how your OCD works better than I could. So I'm going to share the information I have, and leave it to you to determine for yourself how much information you need in order to feel reassured, without giving your mind new problems to ruminate over.

So here's a link to a Google doc that has A Lot of information — like, too much lol. But save it for after you read this post; I'm putting the most relevant & important info here! If you finish this post and feel satisfied, you never even have to look in the doc.

However deep you go, if you find yourself getting overwhelmed, know that whatever you are feeling is valid and probably pretty common, and take a break! Do a calming meditation or an activity you enjoy to help regulate your mind and body. If possible, have someone you can unpack this stuff with — or have a notebook ready to journal in. <3

Okay, all that outta the way, let's dig in!

Who wrote the Gospels?

Tradition goes that the authors of the four canonical Gospels are three of Jesus' closest disciples — Matthew, Mark, and John — plus a disciple of Paul — Luke. But academics have determine that this tradition is very improbable; it's much more likely that none of the four authors knew Jesus personally, and that the earliest of them (Mark) wasn't recorded till the 60s — decades after Jesus lived and died!

When people learn this, it often leads to something of a crisis of faith. If these writers didn't even know Jesus firsthand, where the heck did they get their information?? And come to think of it, why do their accounts differ? Is some of it made up? Is all of it made up??

The anxiety and fear that wells up is normal, and it's healthy to acknowledge that you're feeling it. But once that first shock abates, it's possible to discover a sort of freedom in the knowledge that the Gospel writers (and all the authors of the biblical texts) were human, with human biases and specific goals fitting their unique context; and that they didn't have all the answers!

This realization can free us to approach scripture without certain expectations (that it's all inerrant and prescriptive, etc.), and allows us to bring our doubts to the table with us. If something in the text seems questionable — particularly if it seems to promote bigotry and injustice rather than God's love — we can consider whether something in its author's cultural context might be responsible for that part of scripture.

So taking some time to learn the unique contexts of each writer can be quite enriching to how we engage the Gospels. For a chart that sums up the Gospel writers' unique contexts, audiences, and priorities, see this post.

For even more, you'll want a book that digs into that stuff — I recommend Raymond Brown's An Introduction to the New Testament (the abridged version!!). As you learn about the Gospel writers, I hope several things become evident:

First, that they weren't just making things up whole cloth, or relying on a game of "he said she said" telephone for their information! Each one drew from different primary or secondary sources, eyewitness testimonies or written texts (many of which no longer exist, but scholars have pieced together evidence of, like the famous "Q source" that both Matthew and Luke drew from).

Yes, each author does have an agenda in writing about Jesus, and in how they tell his story. But that's not a nefarious thing; it's true of any text, whether biography, poetry, novel, song — you don't take the time to write something without a purpose in mind! With variation between their specific goals, overall each Gospel writer's agenda was to persuade their audience that Jesus is worth following, and/or to offer encouragement to those who already believed.

Another thing that modern readers sometimes interpret as intentionally deceptive is that, yeah, the Gospels contain things that aren't strictly factual, and that the writers knew weren't strictly factual. This is because ancient ideas about history & biography are very different from our own. When we read a biography, we expect it to be all facts, with citations proving those facts. But the ancients were much less concerned with making sure every detail was accurate; instead, they were focused on making their specific point about whatever thing or person they were writing/reading about. So yes, they might embellish one detail or leave out another in order to fortify their desired message. They cared more about the Truth as they interpreted it than a purely factual account.

On a similar note, each Gospel writer understands Jesus and the meaning behind his story a little differently — hence why they all tell things in slightly different orders, and characterize Jesus differently, etc. This is also understandable — we all interpret stories differently; we all come to different conclusions even when we have the same or similar information. See the section in the google doc titled "each Gospel's essence" to learn more about the different ways each writer characterizes Jesus, and why they may have interpreted him the way they did.

On that topic, let's get to your question about...

Jesus — Messiah, or no?

If you read the Gospel of Matthew and take it as pure fact, you'll determine that Jesus is the Messiah his people were waiting for — that he did indeed fulfill various scriptures. But if you read Mark, you won't find that argument at all! To the author of Mark, Jesus clearly did not match the stipulations of the awaited-for Messiah — and for Mark, that's kinda the point: that Jesus is something new and surprising, unlike anything human beings expected, upturning our ideas of power and salvation.

...So how did they come to these vastly different views??

Well, Matthew was a Jew writing to persuade his fellow Jews that the Jesus movement was worth joining; to do so, he felt he had to "prove" that it fit into Jewish tradition. So he prioritizes showing how Jesus is a righteous Jew who abides by Torah, and that he is indeed the Messiah they've been waiting for.

(It's also worth noting that when Matthew writes, over and over, about Jesus "fulfilling" various bits of Hebrew scripture, that verb "fulfilling" doesn't mean what it might sound like to us — that a given text was always and only about Jesus, with the prophet having Jesus in mind when they wrote it. Rather, to Matthew "fulfilling" the text meant "filling it up" with more meaning — adding to its meaning, not replacing the old meaning. More on that, with citations, in the Google doc.)

Meanwhile, Mark's author was a Jew writing mostly to gentile members of the early Jesus movement. He knew they wouldn't care whether or not Jesus fit the Jewish expectations for a Messiah! (In fact, giving Jesus a bit more of a "Greek" flair would appeal to them more.) So Mark doesn't perform the mental and rhetorical gymnastics that Matthew does to try to make Jesus fit the Messiah requirements.

So which Gospel got it right?

For many matters of scripture, I say "it's open to interpretation!" or "Maybe both are right in different ways, conveying different truths!" But for this particular case, it is very important as Christians to accept that Jesus absolutely does not fit the Jewish requirements for their Messiah. To argue otherwise is antisemitic — it's supersessionist, meaning it claims that Christianity supersedes or replaces Judaism.

We might understand, as the author of Mark did, Jesus to be a messiah — which just means "anointed one" in Hebrew (the Greek counterpart is "Christ") — without making antisemitic claims that Jews "failed to recognize their own Messiah." (In fact, there are multiple messiahs in scripture, e.g. in Isaiah 45, the foreign king Cyrus is referred to as God's messiah; though later scriptures like Daniel do start talking about a specific Messiah who will usher in redemption & a new age for the Jewish people.)

We can understand why some of the biblical authors, like Matthew, interpreted Jesus as this specific Messiah as a result of their own specific context, without agreeing with their view. See this post about “Anti-Jewish Content in the New Testament: Why it’s there and what we should do about it” for more on this important topic.  (You can also find even further resources on supersessionism in this post.)

...Okay, so we've looked at the authors of the Gospels a good bit. We've learned that their idea of a "biography" is very different from ours — that they didn't consider it bad to rearrange, leave out, or embellish accounts — but what does that leave us with when it comes to knowing who Jesus "really" was?

What can we know for sure about Jesus?

Let's look at the facts. The first one is: we don't have any. Not any 100% certain ones, anyway. The guy lived before audio recorders and cameras; we're relying on written and oral accounts, which can be fabricated.

However, there are points about the Jesus story that are regarded as almost certainly historical by the vast majority of historians today, so let's look at those first:

Jesus almost 100% certainly existed. There is enough historical evidence (both inside and outside the Bible) to confirm this — even non-Christian historians almost unanimously agree that there was a historical Jesus. (Phew, am I right?)

Almost all historians also agree that several parts of Jesus' story almost definitely happened: that he was baptized in the Jordan; that he traveled around teaching and offering miracles (whether or not they agree he actually had the power to perform real miracles, of course); and that he was arrested and crucified by the occupying Roman Empire.

Some of these almost-irrefutable claims lend plausibility to others: if he traveled around teaching, what was he teaching? Why not the sermons, the parables recorded in the Gospels? And if he was crucified — the death of a criminal, an insurrectionist — what did he do to get himself crucified? He must have done something to cause Rome to see him as a threat to their Empire — why not some of the sayings and actions that are recorded in the Gospels, like his claim to be "Son of God" (a title used for Caesar); his protest march into Jerusalem satirizing Caesar; and his disruption at the Temple?

The attempt to determine which parts of scripture are "authentic," i.e. things that really happened / things Jesus really said," is often called "The Quest for the Historical Jesus."

Over the decades, scholars interested in this pursuit have developed various "criteria of authenticity," which they use to try to determine how probable any given bit of the Gospels is. In the google doc, I summarize the history of this "quest" and describe some of the most popular criteria. But what's important to understand is that these criteria have major limitations — they're often applied somewhat arbitrarily, for one thing, and ultimately they can't "prove" for sure whether something in the text is definitely historical or definitely not. So honestly, this is not a field of study that I recommend everyone go immerse themselves in! When I do, I have fun for a while, then kinda end up more overwhelmed by how much we can't know.

Still, sometimes these criteria of authenticity do yield some interesting points. For instance, the "Criteria of Embarrassment" (yes, that's what it's called lol) asserts that anything in the text that would have been embarrassing to its author is more likely to be historical fact — because why would the author have made something up that puts them in an unflattering light, or might be used to argue against their message?

For example, a lot of Gospel stories depict Jesus' disciples being kinda clueless, or saying petty things, or failing miserably (e.g. the denial of Peter). Why would the Gospel authors have wanted to make these earliest believers, who are meant to be role models for their audience, look so bad? This criterion says that wouldn't — that they must include those stories because they really happened, rather than being things the author made up to make their point.

Or take the Criterion of Multiple Attestation, which determines how many sources include a certain saying or event. The more sources contain a specific story, the more plausibly "authentic" that story is, since it means that different unconnected communities knew that story. Logical enough.

So yes, there are ways to consider the historicity of the Gospels — but not definitively. So the question becomes: is the historical knowledge we do have enough for me to feel some level of, I don't know, peace? stability in my faith?

And, at the end of the day, how important to me is it that every single thing the Gospels say is completely factual?

Back to what matters: the Good News

Facts are great — God gifted us our minds, and various scripture stories show God encourages us to wrestle with the text! — but we are called to faith as well.

Furthermore, taking the Bible seriously means accepting it for what it is — a collection of ancient texts compiled by humans, even if guided by Divinity — rather than insisting it be what it is not. For the Gospels, that means accepting that they are not biography, but story, and prioritize Truth over fact.

My pastor friend Roger puts it like this:

“For me, it isn’t about deciding which things Jesus really said or didn’t say. That’s a road that goes nowhere. As a pastoral response, I take scripture at face value and work to empathize with the people in and behind the text. Through that empathy, I can find some meaning that connects with what we’re facing here and now.”

When we acknowledge that the Bible includes human interpretations of the Divine, and that we bring our own human interpretations to our reading of it, where does that leave us?

It leaves us in need of conversation, of an expansion of our perspectives by talking through scripture in community. We do that conversing with friends, or attending Bible studies at church, or reading a variety of theological texts — getting as many unique understandings of Jesus as we can, joining our ideas together to get an ever broader glimpse of the Divine.

There's a reason Jesus taught in parables: he didn't want there to be one definitive answer to matters of life and faith! He wanted to ignite conversation, to draw us into community — because it's in community that we are the image of God, the Body of Christ.

So keep on wrestling, wondering, talking it through (taking time to rest when needed — there's no rush!). We discover scripture's meaning for us in our own place and time through the wrestling, together.

[honkytonk-hangman]

Just Another Thing – [2]

WALT ‘FINN’ FINNEGAN X READER/OC

Summary: God help anyone who might’ve thought a nice, stable relationship might bring some kind of change to Walt Finnegan’s usual mischief and mild-hedonism. God especially help them if they also thought a girlfriend would provide any sort of calming influence over him.

She definitely influenced him, anyone could tell you that, unfortunately just never in any way that could even remotely be described as 'calm’.

Warnings: cussing, mentions of and talk of sex, sexy body parts, ect. reader/OC is named Kimberly/Kimber, but it is still written in second person and her name shouldn’t come up very often.

Finn wakes with a start, the unfamiliar room around him momentarily sending him down a rabbit hole of confusion and doubt, right up until you walk through the door, which pushes him toward a separate spiralling hole, making him suddenly recall every detail of last night with startling clarity.

When Beverly had said you were the one girl on campus who’d put up with him, he hadn’t expected you to also be the one girl on campus who gave as good as she got behind closed doors, too.

Finn isn’t exactly shy about his sexploits, he’s slept with plenty of women, but generally, even the most enthusiastic ones weren’t exactly the best of lays, if he could be so crass to say. It wasn’t that they were particularly bad or that he didn’t have a good time, it’s more owing to the fact that Finn was somewhat unlike most men his age, in that he had always made a point of educating himself, on many topics, but especially on sex. 

Especially when it involved the many different ways to please a woman.

The girls he’d slept with in the past could say whatever they wanted about him as a person, and they frequently did, but he’d never, not once ever, left a woman unsatisfied. It was important to him, for a reason beyond simple masculine pride that he’d never really bothered to interrogate. 

At the end of the day he could give whatever reason he wanted, he doubts any woman would really care. Ideally, he’d have them too distracted to care. Generally though, his partners were not as well versed, meaning he gave, and he always gave happily, but for the most part he had to take care of his own pleasure, which wasn’t exactly a chore. Hell, that was half the reason he was doing it in the first place.

You on the other hand…

Finn swears he nearly gets rock hard just thinking about you last night, but he has no time to indulge, because in the present moment you’ve appeared as if on cue. He’s not certain you realise he’s awake yet, which mostly works for him. He internally grumbles a little as he catches sight of the time, before quickly shutting his eyes again when you near. He really hadn’t meant to sleep over. He’d planned to be up and out shortly after you’d fallen asleep, as per usual, but in all sincerity, you’d fucked him so damn good, so thoroughly, that he can’t even remember falling asleep in the first place.

Finn can’t help himself as he lies there, hearing you so closely shuffling about, he allows himself to peek at you, simultaneously delighted and regretful when he lays eyes on you.

He shouldn’t be here, stealing glances at you as you dress, he should have stuck to routine and left last night. But you really were amazing, not just in bed, but your flirting, your banter, your honesty, even if it was hard for him to read it as such at first.

Finn trails off then, thinking about how great a time he had with you in only a few hours, and finds himself imagining a whole little scenario where he gets to see you again after this, maybe actually take you on that date he’d promised… it sounded nice, in theory, but Finn writes it off immediately. That wasn’t his bag, and really, who was he to take you out beyond this chance meeting? He wasn’t exactly boyfriend material, and he also wasn’t interested in wasting anyone's time. He didn’t want to do that to you, but more importantly he’s pretty sure he’d get a baseball to the head if he did. Or in the crotch. 

As Finn thinks about how he’d really like to talk to you more, maybe ask about your major, your team, he realises what he’s doing and scrubs all further thoughts out, quickly snapping himself back to reality.

A reality in which maybe the most beautiful, sexy, and clever woman he’d met on campus, or off, is packing up her sports bag for what is likely an 8:00 AM class, something that Finn should also be doing at this very moment, and not childishly pretending to be asleep, resigning himself to being late.

“If the sun is bothering you, I can close the curtains,” your voice rings out then, nearly causing him to jump. That was another thing about you, too, until last night Finn has always had a harsh vendetta against anything that could even remotely be considered ‘honky tonk’ or typically southern, he’d even avoided taking home a girl once or twice solely because her cowboy boots had irritated him so much, only now, all of a sudden he felt nothing but pure, soppy, affection when he hears the extremely thick east Texas twang in your voice.

He firmly believes that only you can make such a heavy drawl sound so delicate and classy. He’s unable to picture you in any kind of small, dinky little town, so instead decides to imagine that you come from one of those hoity-toity neighbourhoods they had up in Dallas, which makes nothing but perfect sense to him.

Finn finds himself hurriedly blinking his eyes open in reaction to your words, before remembering that he’s supposed to be faking sleep to avoid you. You look over at him from your neat little desk, your huge duffle bag now open on your chair, which you appear to be packing several deflated balls into.

He reminds himself that you were on the College’s Volleyball team, something he hadn’t actually known existed until yesterday, but rejoices in the good news by recalling what you looked like at the park in your tight little shorts, your knee and elbow pads somehow really doing it for him. Finn rubs his eyes and groans at the fact he was probably never going to see or speak to you after this, let alone see you in those little shorts again.

“Huh?” he replies dumbly to your question, looking over at the window when you nod to it. He realises that your room might be the worst in the house, with the way the blazing Texas sun is already assaulting every inch of the space.

“I always leave the curtains open on school days, I like waking up with the sun, but I can close them if you want to sleep more?” you explain. Finn shakes himself more awake, the rouse well and truly over now, and awkwardly pulls himself from your admittedly very warm and very comfortable bed.

“Oh, no, don’t worry about it, I’ve gotta get up now anyway,” he tells you, clearing his throat and scratching the back of his neck, already practising avoiding you by refusing to look your way, telling himself it’s for his own good.

You chortle, but shrug and shake your head, before going back to packing your duffle.

Finn lingers uncomfortably next to your bed, now wondering if he had maybe upset you by staying. Not knowing what else to do, he focuses on your duvet, beginning to fiddle with it so your bed at least looked neat, and in the back of his mind, hoping it might help you forget he was ever here in the first place. No such luck, his movement causing you to look up at him properly, dropping a deflated volleyball and waving out a hand to stop him.

“Oh! don’t you worry about that! Those definitely need to go in the wash later,” you inform him, a note of wryness in your voice as you reference last night’s activities. Finn drops his hands away from the blankets at your bequest, also dropping his gaze once more now that you’ve stepped even closer and are focused solely on him.

Your attention makes him aware of his state of undress, only a pair of underwear covering him, and he happily starts to busy himself with collecting his clothes from the floor where he'd tossed them hastily many hours ago, only to find them folded neatly on the window bench. He realises you really must rise with the sun, and wonders how many hours you’d been up already.

“Last night was a lot of fun, by the way. There are definitely far worse ways to soil some good sheets,” you speak up again, a laugh accompanying your heavy accent this time. 

Finn finds he can’t refuse you his attention now that you’re asking for it, forgetting all about evading you as much as he can get away with, instead looking over at you as he dresses. Oddly, he finds his smile is nowhere near as tight or rueful as he feels.

“I’m glad,” he says without much thought, before instantly panicking when your face falls despondently.

“You didn’t enjoy it?” You ask worriedly, the prospect his reply presents clearly upsetting you, but despite telling himself that continuing to engage will only make disengaging even harder, it’s all completely in vain as he hurries to comfort you.

“What? No, no, I definitely enjoyed it,” he assures you quickly, glad when you seem to relax at his affirmation. Still, you seem a little more reserved than before, than you had been last night, which makes his skin itch uncomfortably. “Think I enjoyed it so much my brain is still scrambled,” he goes on, in an effort to stop the prickling sensation.

It works, your face breaking into an endearingly proud grin, shortly before the itching disappears. You chortle a little and give a small shrug, going back to your bag packing.

“Well, I’ve put in a lot of work to have exclusively great sex,” you tell him. “I mean, you can’t expect to spike a volleyball perfectly without practice, so why should sex be any different?” you continue, with another laugh and a shake of your head.

Finn doesn’t know why he feels so surprised at your statement. Maybe it’s just that he’s never heard a woman so casually admit to sleeping around. Then again, if men got to, then why shouldn’t you too?

Beverley could say what she wanted about the way he used discussions around the feminist movement, as well as women’s rights as a whole, just to get laid, but Finn had read all those books she’d sarcastically kept lending him, and he genuinely thought the matter to be worthwhile.

Okay, so sue him if he happens to also on occasion use the very legitimate talking points of women’s sexual liberation in his attempts to pick up women, but it's not like that meant he didn’t really believe in what he was saying!

Finn is about to open his mouth to formulate some kind of a reply when you glance at the time and let out a soft gasp.

“Oh shit, I’m going to be late!” you baulk, quickly pulling the zip of your duffle bag closed and hauling it over your shoulder. “I’ve got to go, feel free to use the shower, just close my door when you leave!” you hurriedly ramble, shoving your feet into a pair of sneakers. Finn is still blinking with his mouth halfway open when you call out a last goodbye and disappear out the door.

He showers, dresses, and is about to leave when he realises he hadn’t closed your door. He considers for a moment, at the bottom of the stairs, just leaving anyway, but he can’t bring himself to do it, so he rushes back up, closes your door with a quiet click, and then at last all but flees from the shared house.

“Noticed you never came home last night,” Dale slides into the seat next to Finn at the lunch table, and wiggles his eyebrows teasingly. Finn simply eyes his friend, and takes another bite of whatever it is the school liked to call food.

“Hooked up with the girl I was talking to all night.” He tells him simply. “Fell asleep after, only got out this morning when she left,” he goes on after another bite. Dale stares at him, a frown pulling over his features.

“So…” he prompts, causing Finn to look up at him again and shrug.

“So what?”

“So why do you sound so troubled? Was it not good? She was hot as hell man, no way it was that bad,” Dale insists, making Finn at last drop his fork to discuss properly.

“No she was good, it’s just…” he trails off and tries to figure out his own soured mood. Normally he’d have no issue talking up such a good night, especially considering you were good, but he can’t help but linger on one tiny little fact. “I don’t know, it’s like, this morning there was no ‘when will I see you again’, no care in the world it was just a one night thing, she’s not like other girls, you know?”

Dale blinks at him like he’s a moron.

“Okay? I’m not seeing your problem here?” he says, frown even deeper now. “Isn’t that perfect?”

Finn balks.

“No! She’s perfect! You don’t get it, I think I want to see her again, this girl is unbelievable!” He protests, sounding mildly desperate but he doesn’t care. He looks away from his friend, and out at the grass. The cafe he’d chosen for lunch sits right opposite the library, and normally he’d have spent his break scoping out the cute girls who’d sit studying under a tree or whatever it is he normally did, but today he’d barely even taken note.

“Man, not you too!” Dale groans in exasperation beside him, quickly digging into his own lunch as if this topic isn’t worth continuing. “First Jake, now you… actually you know what that’s fine, you hook up with that Kimberley chick, leave me with all the other cute girls…”

Finn had stopped listening about halfway through Dale’s tirade, how could he possibly pay attention to it when right there, through the window of the library, he’s spotted you, sitting at a table for four, a stack of books in front of you, your pen writing diligently on some page in front of you.

“You want the rest of my soda?” Finn asks blindly, already getting up. Dale protests, but Finn doesn’t even hear him, simply grabs his lunch tray, places it in the returns bay, and legs it across the grass as fast as he can.

He slows down upon entering the library of course, smooths down his hair, his moustache, grabs the first book he sees, and walks right up to where you sit, pulling out the chair opposite you and flips his book open. Out of the corne rof his eye, when he sees you look up, he looks up too, putting on his best display of ‘surprise’ when he ‘notices’ it’s you.

“Well now, what a coincidence this is!” he says before you can get a word in. You blink at him, but don’t seem annoyed, simply cocking your head in an intrigued manner.

“What a coincidence indeed,” you drawl slowly, placing your pen down. “Thanks for remembering to shut my door,” you go on after a beat where Finn is briefly too awestruck to say anything more. He quickly snaps back though, remembering the clear message you’d sent him last night, how you hadn’t seemed to enjoy his antics more than you enjoyed simply talking to him.

“It’s the least I could do, you know,” he leans across the desk a little to faux whisper. “After such a great night,” he says, rewarded for his efforts when you smile at him. His own smile drops however, when a moment later, you pick up your pen again and look back at the books around you.

“Listen, Finn, I appreciate you coming over to see me and all during your lunch,” busted. “But I really need to study for this paper…”

Finn jolts, wanting to flirt and charm you into paying attention to him, but he reminds himself that you aren’t like most of the girls he’s seen before, and so instead relents, beginning to get up.

“I’m sorry, I should go–”

“–You don’t have to go!” you interrupt him, looking back up. Finn slides back down into his chair like you’ve commanded him. “Just give me another half hour, okay?”

Finn does. He nods, and turns his eyes back down to his book, and for the next thirty minutes he reads about the life cycle of bees. He’s only occasionally distracted by little hums you make, which cause him to look up at you for a minute or two and simply stare. He gets a good look at the pile of books you often swap out and flip through, taking notes, and finds himself again stunned by you in all your sexy, sexy, smart glory. You were studying something to do with physics and space and Finn can’t help but think to himself about all the time he’s wasted seeing anyone but you and despite some of the books you have open having titles containing astronomy, he decides to keep his knowledge of astrology off the table.

Almost exactly thirty minutes have passed when you at last close all your books, including your notepad, place down your pen and look up at him again.

“You know, I didn’t think I’d be seeing you again,” you tell him thoughtfully, looking him in the eyes. Finn opens his mouth but at first no words come out, so he quickly closes it again. He stares at you, you smile back and roll your eyes. “Come on, I know a place we can go, since you didn’t even eat half your lunch…”

Finn dutifully helps you return your stack of books, along with his own, before following you to your car where you promptly drive him off campus to a sweet little diner a block away. Even he’s surprised with how quiet he stays until after you’ve both ordered, he doesn’t even check out the cute waitress as she walks away, too absorbed in staring back at you as you make a hand gesture like you’re ready now.

“What’re you studying?” he asks quickly.

“Astronautical engineering,” you reply. “What are you studying? I didn’t think we had a beekeeping school.”

Finn smiles and shrugs, almost about to launch into a speech about beekeeping and the non-existent classes he took on it, before he stops himself.

“English literature and teaching.” he reveals, feeling a little naked in doing so, but the way your face lights up after he tells you erases any such doubt in his mind.

“You’d be good at that! I bet you’d have no trouble holding a class's attention!” you gush. Finn distinctly feels his face go red.

Over lunch, you ask him about the baseball team, and in return he asks you about your volleyball team. You’re halfway through explaining a recent rule change when you stop and blink up at him.

“Oh you don’t care about volleyball rules,” you say, seemingly bashful at having gone off for the past five minutes about the subject. “I bet you’ve never even watched a women’s sports game and cared about the rules,” you joke. Finn laughs, your statement not untrue, but he won’t go away with you thinking that was still going to be the case from now on.

“Not in the past, but I would if you were playing,” he tells you earnestly, hoping to god you don’t think he’s simply using a line.

You stare at him for a beat before smiling softly again, turning your eyes down at your plate as you do. You place your knife and fork together at an angle and Finn definitely concludes you come from some kind of high society out East.

“I can’t go home with you tonight, it's a school night,” you say, sounding sorry about that fact at least. Finn frowns.

“But it’s a Friday?” he doesn’t mean to push, he doesn’t even care if you go home with him, he’d be okay with genuinely, actually studying with you if that's what it took. You shake your head like you’re reading his thoughts.

“I have a shift at the observatory,” you begin apologetically, before your face once again lights up.

“How about the next time we see each other, we go out then?” you repeat his words from your very first meeting. Finn straightens up, a grin pulling across his features. He liked this game, and unlike the last time, he didn’t have to go away with the feeling that he’s made a mistake, because he can tell by the tone of your voice, one way or another, you intended to see him again.

“Alright Kimberley, it’s a deal.”