#but still it freaks me out
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WHY did I have to say something about the debilitating depression?
#vent#summoned after a month or two of just normal depression#then again thanksgiving is next week and i have the dishonor of living in America so December is just Christmas; the month#which i'm trying to ease off my christmas hate and celebrate something winter-adjacent while still wanting to give my friends gifts#but still it freaks me out#not mentions of it or anything just#the realization that i'm in an emotional standoff with my parents right now and this is just going to exacerbate the situation infinitely#it's more of my personal holidays situation than the holiday in general that's getting me#gonna ignore it and celebrate gothmas (which is only christmas-adjacent) and draw my friends nice things#i am neither holly nor jolly but winter festivities yaaaay#even though i guarantee it's not going to get under 75 degrees all winter#this is dystopian is what it is#anyway
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Myself included tbh
#it’s a lifestyle#spn#it’s kinda a tumblr rite of passage at this point too#literally yesterday I found out ab the soap2day closing like this#and then ten minutes later people started texting me and posting on other apps freaking out#supernatural#destiel#destiel confession#destiel confession meme#dean winchester#castiel#this is also a little bit for the 196 girls who are inevitably gonna see the template eventually#196#Reddit 196#reddit refugee#HOW ARE PEOPLE STILL SEEING THIS ITS BEEN LIKE 6 MONTHS
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something about first impressions idk
bonus:
#marvel cinematic universe#mcu#xmen#xmen movies#xmen first class#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#just gonna end up redrawing all of first class at this point just watch#this was the thing i was drawin when my cmoputer freaked. i miss the other charles i doodled </3 i liked it a lil more but oh well#hiiiii i just finished watching speak no evil ..... really good movie me thinks .... james mcavoy still has incredibly bright eyes#ill never be over how theyre so blue no matter the lighting. hence why we're gathered here today jLAjaelvk#like thatd simply be all i could think about if i got wrangled out of my revenge murder plan by this man#this was a goofy impromptu thing cause im still blanking on bigger stuff but this was still silly and fun to doodle#also can anyone tell i really like drawing profiles ... cause i do ....#ok im sleepy goodnight
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cobs destroys mephone's objectsonas
#inanimate insanity#mephone ii#ii mephone#steve cobs#mephonex#not gonna tag anyone else#I haven't slept in 24 hours the episode sent me into a frenzy#still feel like I'm freaking out now but I'm too physically tired to keep losing it over the show lol#this stupid doodle thing took me six hours to draw I don't even know why. I draw so slow it's not even funny#ii spoilers#inanimate insanity spoilers#ii 16 spoilers#oh my gosh I just realized I forgot the spoiler tags I'm so sorry
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i was REALLY surprised i hadnt seen anyone animate over anything from the prevenge script reading yet, so i took matters into my own hands. i thought this bit was hilarious
audio from here
#transformers#maccadam#tailgate#ultra magnus#mtmte#lip syncing is actually a lot more fun than i expected#but tailgate's mask probably saved me like eight hours lmao#speaking of him i'm REALLY happy with how expressive he ended up being#i really didn't expect that kind of deformation to mesh well with the... uh... mesh.#so i was pleasantly surprised when it turned out as great as it did#mags' model was hard to figure out because he is SO FREAKING INCONSISTENT IN THE COMICS#but that also meant i got to cherry pick the features i liked best/that were simplest to model so... still a win#tailgate's blissfully consistent tho. his hood thing gave me a lot of trouble but i managed#this is my first time working with a lot of geometric shapes so i ran into a lot of road blocks but i did it!! yay!!
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The Odyssey // The Odyssey, if Odysseus' men hadn't opened the bag of winds
#just hear me out#guys have already seen their island#it's freaking treasure#odysseus was awake for 9 days for it#how this man is still alive#odysseus#the odyssey#aeolus#ithaca#epic the musical#keep your friends close#epic the ocean saga#jorge rivera herrans#sonchop screaming#epic: the musical#tagamemnon
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Why do I keep seeing transmascs and trans men insisting or implying that all trans men are "female socialized," or "understand the female experience," or "navigated the world as a woman." Because yeah, sure, that can be true for some people. especially if you weren't gnc at all as a kid and didn't crack your egg until well into adulthood, it makes sense.
But they don't stop at saying they had that experience. It always comes with an addendum that trans men, as a group, all can relate to this experience. I don't know about the entirety of my demographic, but I never got even a little bit of what some of them talk about. I didn't even believe that women were scared of going out at night until I kept consistently seeing them say it, online or wherever, for years. I never realized catcalling was a thing until I saw some women complaining about it on reddit.
But they posit it as some sort of, you're safer than cis men, right? You know what it's like? Which, on top of being patently, demonstrably false in the case of myself and many other trans men, holds some unpleasant and often outright hostile implications about trans women. And they always deny it, but if you can't even conceptualize someone like me who grew up gnc, and never got the bulk (or any?) of whatever we consider to be 'female socialization,' what does that say about what you think trans girls went through, growing up? I don't want to speak for them, as I've never experienced that firsthand, but I can guarantee that (if you're even a little bit obviously trans) people don't treat you like a cis kid of the opposite gender. By and large, they don't get treated like cis boys.
It just makes me mad that we're taking this inaccurate framework that (ever so conveniently) puts trans people into the box of our assumed birth gender, and trying to fancy it up and use it with a faux-progressive veneer; never mind the way that transphobes use it to bar trans women from being athletes, or using the bathroom, or having access to any gendered resources they need. It would be bad enough to try and dust it off and use it even if it were largely accurate, due to the aforementioned connections to outright transphobia, but it literally is patently false. Not in all cases, obviously, but why are we trying to revamp this untrue, inaccurate generalization and pretend that we can make it 'trans-inclusive?'
#o.#trans#transphobia#transmisogyny#I may or may not be talking about a specific post I saw that made me irritated but I didnt wanna get in an argument with internet strangers#sorry guys I'm still heated over freaking collin allred capitulating to ted cruz and throwing trans girls under the bus bc he didnt have the#guts to stick to his morals#and called them ''this idiotic business with boys in girls sports'' or some crap#as if trans girls don't deserve to play the sports they love. like I imagine if they blocked trans men from being physicists or something#and I just wasn't able to pursue the career I want? that would destroy me#and I still had to vote for him because the other options were ted cruz and some freaking libertarian.#sorry thats all tangential but can we not use the same rhetoric that all these politicians do as an excuse to kick trans women out of public#life PLEASE 🙏#...also I really hate the Popular Transmasc Ideology that says that we all experience life as basically the same as a cis woman & never have#to navigate having male privilege & being an ally to women#and all have some sort of Innate Connection to femaleness or womanhood or whatever bc 'obviously' we all grew up just like girls do#ugh#this one's going out there sans editing so dont yell at me if I worded smth weird please 🙏
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hi. so... if i seem quieter lately, it's because this past spring and summer i was voraciously stalked and harrassed. the restraining order was finalized a few months ago, so i am safe for the moment, but i still haven't found my new normal just quite yet. my heartbeat has not slowed. my hands are not as still as they once were. i am not who i was before it happened.
i'm announcing this because i dont think daily comics will ever return- not as they were, anyway. this horrific experience has changed my relationship to art and comics and life in an enormous way that will take me a very long time to figure out. i even TRIED to make a comic about this experience, something that is usually as natural as breathing to me, and found that i could not get through a single panel without triggering my newfound ptsd around this situation.
i really don't know what making art or posting online will look like for me moving forward. i'll figure it out as i go, i don't think i'll stop yet...but i figured i should say something as this has impacted everything about how i do anything now. thanks for reading, thanks for enjoying my art, thanks for engaging with me kindly, no matter what happens to my internet presence. i mean it from the bottom of my heart. love you
#freaks me out that i know my stalker + my stalkers friends who contributed to making my life hell for 5 months will still read this lmao#such is life!#dailies
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Wanna be my boyfriend?
#jack and joker#jack and joker the series#jack and joker u steal my heart#jackandjokeredit#jack x joker#yin anan#war wanarat#yinwar#tobelle#lextag#userspicy#userbon#mjtag#userrlana#uservix#userrlaura#userpharawee#rosytracks#tuseryoo#mygifs*#userspring#thai bl#jackjoker#i am still freaking out. 🙃🙃#the way my cat saw me going insane without knowing wtf was happening 😂😂#i bet y'all heard me screaming right? 🤭😅#ALSO THEY WERE SOOOO HUNGRY!!!! 🥵🥵 and then they got soft 🥺 THIS WAS SUCH A PERFECT FIRST KISS AAAAHH
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I went crazy about bowpple again
#antart#ii#inanimate insanity#ii 17#ii gijinka#ii humanized#ii bow#ii apple#bow ii#apple ii#bowpple#bowple#its rough looking because if I tried to clean it up it would never get done </3#I still like how it came out though!#time to obsess over literally everything else that came out of the finale (sobbing)#actually you might see me freak out about these two again who knows#sry marsh <3
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good morning sifloop nation
#loop is so fucking hard to draw bc I can never tell how I can center the face on their cookie cutter as head#its literally just a pair of eyes and yet it fucks with me every time 😭#idk what came over me bc suddenly im imagining these two freaks in the funniest scenarios for my own pleasure#im not even halfway thru the game yet im still on act 2 bc I havent been able to play it in a while#genuinely though I am curious as to how ppl would go about describing how u would kiss loop. this isnt even a jab at anyone#in fact I admire whoever pushed their imagination to the limits to find a way to make loop kissable in ways science cannot explain#and other fun activities#I think itd be funny for them to do 7 minutes in heaven bc normally 2 ppl go in to smooch or whatever in the closet#in their case two of them go in but only one of them comes out alive. bc theyre like that#are they fighting or are they fucking. the answer is up to you#sifloop#myart#my art#in stars and time#isat#isat fanart#isat loop#isat Siffrin#Siffrin#loop#doodles#shitpost
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I just discovered your blog and DAM I love your art, your designs for the Gods are awesome! I don’t know if you’ve finished watching those Hades gameplays and it really depends if the person you were watching chose any of the romance options, but would you hypotheticallyyyy ship Thanzag (Thanatos and Zagreus)?
ALSO YES, FELLOW PISISTRATUS FAN, FINALLY!
AUUU TYSM!!! 🥹🥹 I’m so glad,,, I’m so happy knowing people enjoy my stuff … PISISTRATUS FANS UNITE I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!/p
Thanzag? What’s that? Never heard of th//trips and spills out my pockets
Eehhehe take some of the sketches I have 🥺🫶
#these two have haunted me for the past few years and here I am#I haven’t seen a full gameplay of their romance route but I have watched the supercut of all their dialogue#let it be known the scream I let out#I underestimated their freak#zagreus#thanatos#hades game#thanzag#I still have no idea how to color🔥🔥🔥
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Marvel Meow (2021), Nao Fuji | Professor X and Magneto
Bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#professor x#magneto#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus leshnerr#snap scans#i dont scan ever please forgive me for. Everything jvAE:KJ i tried my best to match the purple as how it looks in person#i love the purple used for this whole comic .. its really nice#all the comics have different colors its neat yall should check it out if youre able. its a lovely silly collection#BUT GIRL PLEAAAASSSEE IM CRYING#as a part of my Visiting My Family For The Weekend trip my bro and i went to the store#and i told him about the wolverine cat comic and the whole collection and he found it while we were browsing ....#naturally i got it. because i love the idea of cats being heinous freaks ESPECIALLY to my faves#this all did happen because of a cat. btw. phoenix possessed one while scott and jean were baking a cake#which had everyone trying to catch it. leading to. this. jWLRAKJAWRLKJKJ#this is 1000% has 'we'll be back by 8PM please keep the house clean' vibes i'm sobbing LIKE WHERE ARE THEY RETURNING FROM#also can i just say ... i love it when american comic book characters get the manga treatment#idk i just love it ... i esp love how wolverine's drawn in these comics but. this aint about him#i just wanted to gush about my favorite old people LIKE PLEASE CHARLES IS GOING TO HAVE A STROKE I SEE IT#the fact they still got that goofy lil 'welcome back charles and erik' banner im going to be sick. theyre the whole mansions dads#anyway i have an assignment to do. because my prof hates me Who The Fuck Makes An Assignment due At 12:59AM#bye bye hpoefully ill be back with my own doodles ajvlekjla
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hehe ghost-turbo haunting felix au
turbo is connected to the last piece of his code in the whole arcade - a trophy he gifted to felix in mid 80s as a symbol of him genuinely caring about their relationships on par with being the best racer. felix also gave him one of his medals and both kept their gifts next to other rewards, but when roadblasters and turbotime were unplugged, the medal was gone with everything else
now, after burning in cola-lava turbo is basically dead, but scraps of his code still were intertwined with the trophy (after all, it was his first winner's cup, but felix never knew about it), giving turbo an opportunity to exist as a shadow incapable of interacting with anything and anyone besides felix, who kept the trophy even after the roadblasters incident
also I went crazy in tags, feel free to check them out
#turbo#turbotastic#fix it felix jr#80s boyfriends#hammertastic#headcanon about them exchanging their trophies isn't mine but i loved it A LOT#and “darling” is turbo making fun of how felix was calling him in 80s#this hc about “doll” and “darling” pet names also is not mine but i adore it#turbo here is a complete freak who just stays around felix most of the time even when felix has moments with calhoun#and felix is an ass who keeps secrets from everyone bc he doesn't want his dirt to come out#he's ashamed of his previous relationship with turbo and doesn't want anyone to know any details#and calhoun to just know about it#this just gets worse and worse#they also didn't actually break up and were still technically dating when turbo went gamejumping#and he's mad af at felix because he's the reason ppl in the acrade made a boogeyman out of turbo and he couldn't come back#like imagine your bf says to you what you are better than others think of you#and then behind your (presumably dead) back tells everyone that you're just an egocentric maniac#i believe turbo has other reasons why he gamejumped (besides jealousy which took place but wasn't the most important reason)#and felix is an unreliable narrator#so yeah turbo HATES his ass#(but still would-) no im not making it suggestive#anyway i hc that turbo had put A LOT of emotions in this relationship even tho he's bad at this#he tried his best with felix but they were just making each other worse#and turbo while feeling betrayed never really moved on (yes even after 25 years he's PATHETIC)#and felix is just full of regret about everything but he won't admit his mistakes in his relationship with turbo#bc “well he turned out to be a bad person so that automatically makes me in the right about everything”#but felix had made a lot of bad decisions while dating turbo and was just classically ignorant about a ton of things#sorry about this random ass essay in tags i'm done for now#wreck it ralph#wir
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I have to talk about Chester Arthur. His story makes me go crazy. A mediocre president from the 1880s who's completely forgotten today has one of the best redemption stories I've ever heard and I need to make people understand just how cool his story is.
So, like, he starts out as this idealist, okay? He's the son of an abolitionist minister and becomes famous as a New York lawyer who defends the North's version of Rosa Parks whose story desegregates New York City's trolley system.
Then he starts getting pulled into politics and becomes one of the grimiest pieces of the political machine. He wants money, power, prestige, and he gets it. He becomes the right-hand man of Roscoe Conkling, the most feared political boss in the nation, a guy who will throw his weight around and do the most ruthless things imaginable to keep his friends in power and destroy his enemies.
Because Arthur's this guy's top lackey, he gets to be Controller of the Port of New York--the best-paying political appointment in the country, because that port brings in, like, 70% of the federal government's funds in tariffs. He gets a huge salary plus a percentage of all the fines they levy on lawbreakers, and because he's not afraid to make up infractions to fine people over, he is absolutely raking in the dough. Making the rough equivalent of $1.3 million a year--absolutely insane amounts of money for a government position. He's spending ridiculous sums on clothes, buying huge amounts of alcohol and cigars to share with people as part of his job recruiting supporters to the party, going out nearly every night to wine and dine people as part of his work in the political machine. He's living the high life. Even when President Hayes pulls him from his position on suspicions of fraud, he's still living a great life of wealth, power, and prestige.
Then in 1880, his beloved wife dies. While he's out of town working for a political campaign. And he can't get back in time to say goodbye before she dies. Because he's a guy who has big emotions, it absolutely tears him up inside, especially because Nell resented how much his political work kept him away from home. He has huge regrets, but he just moves in with Roscoe Conkling and keeps working for the political machine.
And then he gets a chance to be vice president. The Republican Party has nominated James Garfield, a dark horse candidate who wants to reform the spoils system that has given Conking his power and gave Arthur his position as Port Controller. Conkling is pissed, and he controls New York, and since the party's not going to win the election without New York, they think that appointing Conkling's top lackey as vice-president will pacify him.
They're wrong--Conkling orders Arthur to refuse--but Arthur thinks this sounds like a great opportunity. The only political position he's ever held is Port Controller--a job he wasn't elected to and that he was pulled from in disgrace. Vice President is way more than he could ever have hoped for. It's a position with a lot of political pull and zero actual responsibilities. He'll get to spend four years living in up in Washington high society. It's the perfect job! Of course he accepts, and Conkling comes around when he figures out that he can use this to his advantage.
When Garfield becomes president, Arthur does everything he can to undermine him. He uses every dirty political trick he can think of to block everything that Garfield wants to do. He refuses to let the Senate elect a president pro tempore so he can stay there and influence every bill that comes through. He all but openly boasts of buying votes in the election. He's so much Conkling's lackey that he may as well be the henchman of a cartoon supervillain. On Conkling's orders, he drags one of Garfield's Cabinet members out of bed in the middle of the night--while the guy is ill--to drag him to Conkling's house so he can be forced to resign. He's just absolutely a thorn in the president's side, a henchman doing everything he can to maintain the corrupt spoils system.
Then in July 1881, when Arthur's in New York helping Conkling's campaign, the president gets shot. By a guy who shouts, "Now Arthur will be president!" just after he fires the gun. Arthur has just spent the past four months fighting the president tooth and nail. Everyone thinks he's behind the assassination. There are lynch mobs looking to take out him and Conkling. The papers are tearing him apart.
Arthur is absolutely distraught. He rushes to Washington to speak with the president and assure him of his innocence, but the doctors won't let him in the room. He gets choked up when talking to the First Lady. Reporters find him weeping in his house in Washington. Once again, death has torn his world apart and he's not getting a chance to make amends.
Arthur goes to New York while the president is getting medical treatment, and he refuses to come to Washington and take charge because he doesn't dare to give the impression that he's looking to take over. No one wants Arthur to be president and he doesn't want to be president, and the possibility that this corrupt political lackey is about to ascend to the highest office in the land is absolutely terrifying to everyone.
Then in August, when it's becoming clear that the president is unlikely to recover, he gets a letter. From a 31-year-old invalid from New York named Julia Sand. A woman from a very politically-minded family who has been following Arthur's career for years. And she writes him this astounding letter that takes him to task for his corrupt, conniving ways, and the obsession with worldly power and prestige that has brought him wealth and fame at the cost of his own soul--and she tells him that he can do better. In the midst of a nationwide press that's tearing him apart, this one woman writes to tell him that she believes he has the capacity to be a good president and a good man if he changes his ways.
And then he does. After Garfield dies, people come to Arthur's house and find servants who tell them that Arthur is in his room weeping like a child (I told you he had big emotions), but he takes the oath of office and ascends to the presidency. And he becomes a completely different man. His first speech as president mentions that one of his top priorities is reforming the spoils system so that people will be appointed based on merit rather than getting appointed as political favors with each change in the administration. Even though this system made him president. When Conkling comes to Arthur's office telling him to appoint his people to important government positions, Arthur calls his demands outrageous, throws him out, and keeps Garfield's appointees in the positions. "He's not Chet Arthur anymore," one of his former political friends laments. "He's the president."
He loses all his former political friends. He's never trusted by the other side. Yet he sticks to his guns and continues to support spoils system reform. He prosecutes a postal service corruption case that everyone thought he would drop. He's the one who signs into law the first civil service reform bill, even though presidents have been trying to do this for more than ten years, and he's the person who's gained all his power through the spoils system. He immediately takes action to enforce this bill when he could have just dropped it. He becomes a champion of this issue even though it's the last thing anyone would have expected of him.
He oversees naval reform. He oversees a renovation of the White House. He still prefers the social duties of the presidency, but he's respectable in a way that no one expected. Possibly because Julia Sand keeps sending him letters of encouragement and advice over the next two years. But also because he's dying.
Not long after ascending to the presidency, he learns he's suffering from a terminal kidney disease. And he tells no one. He keeps going about his daily life, fulfilling his duties as president, and keeps his health problems hidden. Once again, death is upending his life, and this time it's his own death. He's lived a life he's ashamed of, and he doesn't have much time left to change. He enters the presidency as an example of the absolute worst of the political system, and leaves it as a respectable man.
He makes a token effort to seek re-election, but because of his health problems, he doesn't mind at all when someone else gets the nomination. He dies a couple of years after leaving office. The day before his death, he orders most of his papers burned, because he's ashamed of his old life--but among the things that are saved are the letters from Julia Sand, the woman who encouraged him to change his ways.
This is an astounding story full of so many twists and turns and dramatic moments. A man who falls from idealism into the worst kind of corruption and then claws his way back up to decency because of a series of devastating personal losses and unexpected opportunities to do more than he could have ever hoped to do. I just go crazy thinking about it and I need you all to understand just how amazing this story is.
#history is awesome#presidential talk#i thought about his story again this morning#and was once again struck by the desire to chase people down and make them understand just how amazing this story is#and instead of harassing random strangers i decided to inflict it on tumblr again#my original essay was rather too long and dry and tangled up in too many other details#and didn't quite capture the 'i want to chase you down and look you in the eye and make you freak out about this with me' vibe of this stor#this still doesn't quite capture it but at least it's shorter#and prevents me from rambling to unsuspecting family members#sorry for inflicting this on you again but what else am i supposed to do?
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Had a bit of a crisis over trying to draw Boba, so I did the adult thing and did some face studies. Learned a lot, hopefully some of it sticks
#mainly I learned that contrast-y shadows freak me out; I muddy up my colours super fast and easy#and that I REALLY need to learn some colour theory for good this time#also sketching needs to happen more. MUCH more - that was supposed to be the point of this exercise -.-#temuera morrison#boba fett#commander cody#captain rex#I really liked the lighting on that Cody pic but if I were to draw him before Rex I'd never live it down okay??#face study#star wars fanart#my art#the clone wars#tcw fanart#I'm still not any better at drawing Boba with hair and keeping him looking like himself... which I should have seen coming but...#gotta double down on work now I ran out of my warm up paintings#clone portraits#Tem clones
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