#but still i'm sure it's mostly just the social anxiety

[briwhosaysni]

In elementary school, did y'all have the kids who were really good at double dutch? And at recess they'd be playing and you were like "that looks fun!" So you go over and ask for a turn, but then you're standing in front of these two twirling jumpropes, looking for an opening to jump in, but you become certain that the moment you try to jump in you'll totally bungle it and fall on your face, so eventually you just say nevermind and leave?

That's what trying to join a conversation in a new discord server feels like

[bigthingsforeverintheworks]

socializing is so hard I'm like "yeah i finally got my depression done with forever (for real this time" and then I am in an environment with people and it's like "fuck how do I act i don't have the knowledge of the things should I be listening should I be looking I mean how do like verbal conversations work like they're clearly not oriented towards a goal in the same way emails are but they also just like don't have the same sort of "just kinda say things" that the internet has ok that's not fair I have held conversations, even if the initiation differs which is a big part of it but there is something different obviously like the expectation of latency & just basic woah you can't see them bit but also like it feels less direct. Oh and then now you have to deal with timing like 100x as often idk i think at the third time it's just time to give up. Though ok I mean I'm not incapable of verbal speech I can give answers in english class also why is my head burning and i mean i don't think my hands should be there do people care about that also i can't fathom the depravity of how i look"

[wooahaes]

svt - with a shy partner

pairing: non-idol!svt x gn!reader

prompt: svt with a partner who is shy(/kinda anxious).

genre: mostly fluff. established relationship in all.

warnings: reader getting anxious. some food mentions throughout. alcohol/clubbing mentions in soonyoung's (reader has a shitty time) + mentions of reader having shitty friends in soonyoung's. seungkwan yelling at someone being a dick in his. vernon fakes sick. usage of 'dude' as a term of endearment in vernon's. minghao being affectionately evil. chan being a lovable menace for a moment to distract them (teasing + tickling reader). intentional lowercase, no proofreading.

daisy’s notes: sorry some of these are longer than the others, i just wanted to write mostly affectionate sweet established relationships. also this is probs veering into anxiety territory at some points im sure.

choi seungcheol

seungcheol knew that you loved him softly. this would never be an issue with him: some people simply weren't loud when it came to loving others, and he was never going to turn away your subtle touches and loving words. being outgoing was hard for you even now in life, where seungcheol had learned to manage it well. therefore, he knew how to take care of you in social situations. he would lead conversations when you were faltering, and he always stayed close to you just to give you someone to latch onto when things were getting to be too much. shy as you were, you still tried sometimes.

and now he was on his way to save you from yet another conversation with the only two friends of his you allowed to tease you.

joshua was snickering at whatever jeonghan had said to you to make you shrink into your sweater (the one that matched seungcheol's, with the heart patches on the elbows), and you looked as though you might drown yourself in the soft fabric if jeonghan didn't stop. but seungcheol knew as well as you did that all it would take is you saying a firm 'quit it' for both men to back off. they were harmless, through and through. but the moment seungcheol was close enough, you already sought refuge at his side, burying your face into his sweater. he could feel your face burning hot.

"what are you saying to them now?" seungcheol rolled his eyes, arm wrapped around you. "are you trying to kill them?"

"all i did was point out that you two are matching again," jeonghan hummed. "it's not my fault they get embarrassed when i point it out."

joshua rolled his eyes. "cheollie to the rescue again."

"shua!" you peeked back at him, lips pressed into a very cute pout. "cheollie, they're bullying me again..."

seungcheol fought back a laugh. that was always how these things played out. jeonghan and joshua, two of your longtime friends, would tease you a little, and then you would pout at your cheollie while he protected you. hell, the latter half was usually how seungcheol saved you from other silly things. he'd been the "excuse me, they asked for no pickles" kind of boyfriend to you time and time again... mainly because he knew you'd hold your tongue otherwise, trying not to bother people. but with these two? you were comfortable playing this little game.

so seungcheol squared up a little. "are they?"

jeonghan rolled his eyes. "here they go again." and he grabbed joshua by his elbow, leading him away with an excuse. if seungcheol hadn't been matching you, maybe they would have played... but something about matching anything gave seungcheol this weird boost of strength.

seungcheol rolled his eyes in turn, wrapping his arms around you as he turned his attention away from them. "i'm glad you're okay with them, you know." he let out a blissful sigh. "it's cute to see you embarrassed."

"cheollie..." you pouted again, eyes meeting his own. you glanced around the room, suddenly acutely aware of how you'd been holding onto him. no doubt your face was burning hot with embarrassment again. "can we go home now?"

he chuckled, leaning to kissing the top of your head. "we can," he promised. "let's go."

yoon jeonghan

if there was one thing that endeared jeonghan to you, it was the cute flustered expression you had whenever he started flirting with you. no matter how long the two of you had been dating, all he had to do was call you adorable to see your eyebrows shoot up, lips agape as you made some comment about how the two of you were 'past that' now. his favorite moments, however, were these: you were trapped on one end of the couch, legs draped over his lap, and he was toying with you idly. sometimes it'd be admiring your hands, or complimenting your hair, or pointing out how much he admired you sense of style...

today? he'd been pinching your cheeks with that wicked giggle you loved (even if you refused to admit it sometimes). "you're just so cute," he snickered. "i'm so lucky..."

"hannie..." you whined, eyes still pinned to the tv screen. "you're missing it."

your face was burning hot underneath his touch, though. a little win in his book. "i'm trying to appreciate you right now," he teased. his gaze flickered back to the tv, where the male lead was (finally) confessing his love. "what does he have that i don't?"

"jeonghan, i--'

"do you like him more than me?" he teased you further, leaning in. "i could be him. he couldn't be me, though."

your gaze met jeonghan's as you pouted a little, yet never pulled away from his touch. "jeonghan..."

"i'll re-do my confession to you," he dropped one hand to rest on the outside of your thigh, leaning in. that jovial expression dropped for a moment as he became completely serious for a moment, playing it up all too well, "i'm in love with you. do you... could you be in love with me, too?" he traced your bottom lip with his thumb. "i know you once loved joshua, but--"

and that was your breaking point as you pushed his hand away, already snorting. "jeonghan!"

before you could try to dive away from him, jeonghan had wrapped his arms around you, that airy laugh punctuating his break in character. he pulled you back in, head resting on your shoulder. "you're too easy to mess with," he giggled. "you should have never told me you had a crush on joshua, by the way."

you rolled your eyes, snuggling in. "noted."

joshua hong

joshua knew how to calm you down when your shyness was getting the better of you. he wordlessly wrapped his own stretchy, bead bracelets around your wrist, and ran his thumb across the beads. you told him once that it helped you for some reason (you'd never figured out the cause), and that had been enough for joshua to always keep at least one bracelet on him. even in a formal event like this. you had made the sacrifice of coming to his work event with him, the lead he could do was ensure you were taken care of.

one of the higher-ups had struck up conversation with you, and joshua knew that it made you far more nervous. you'd answered their questions as best as you could about your own work, your college, your life... and the occasional stammer was enough to give you away to him. joshua knew you were terrified of slipping up, of saying the wrong thing. he'd been the one who spoke for you in several other situations, but he knew what other people would think if he kept doing it. he shouldn't speak for you. or, even worse, that you were rude for not speaking for yourself. he could stand people thinking badly of him, but of you?

he'd silently rolled the bracelet off his own wrist while no one was looking, and pulling it over your own when pretending to inspect your watch. it looked out of place at this formal event, but it was fine. he kept a hold on your hand, thumb running across the beads. for a moment, you looked at joshua, and then gave him the subtlest of smiles before resuming your space.

when he brought it up, you already had an answer. "it's because you're there with me," you told him later that night while sitting outside of a burger place. you'd been stealing his fries, but he didn't care. he was out of that place, and so were you. you could take everything if you wanted. you'd already taken his heart, what else did he have left that wasn't yours already?

"but you know that." he said. his tie was loose around his neck, the top few buttons undone. his jacket had been left in the car he left parked down the street. the two of you needed a real meal after the appetizers (or the 'horse divorce' as you had whispered to him to get him to laugh) were barely enough to feed either of you. "i'm never gonna leave you alone in situations like this."

"i know." you averted your gaze when you said it, ever the bashful one when it came to acknowledging his affections. "i just... i like it when i know you're there. and i like wearing the bracelets you make. it just makes me feel more connected to you, if that's okay."

he leaned over, lips pressing against your cheek. "that's always okay," he said, voice softer. "we're a team. i've got you, alright?"

you smiled again that same sweet smile he'd kiss goodnight forever if you'd let him. "alright." and then you snagged another fry from his meal, eyes flickering up to meet him. "thanks for being on my team, shua."

for you? he'd be anything you needed. teammate, cheerleader, manager... just say the word.

wen junhui

"you forgot them."

jun wasn't afraid to speak up for you. seungkwan had been getting a head count of the group since he'd been the unlucky volunteer to go back inside the vacation home to get drinks, and he paused immediately at jun's casual statement. his gaze flickered over to where you were sitting next to jun, visibly flustered, and everyone else had suddenly shut up.

"huh?"

jun waved it off casually. "you forgot to count them," he said, arm curling around you. "just don't forget to get their drink."

"it's okay," you squeezed his hip gently. "i could have gotten my own drink--"

"seungkwan lost the game, so it's his job," jeonghan called out from his spot on the other side of the fire. he was always so mindful of you and how you got timid when around the full group. "don't be sorry about it."

"seungkwan should be sorry," chan said without missing a beat. "he's the one that forgot them."

mingyu caught seungkwan by the back of his shirt before he could step towards chan, instead pulling him back into his arms with a lighthearted laugh. "i'll help you," he said. "come on. let's get everyone their drinks."

you watched the two wander off, fingers already curling around the edge of jun's shirt. all you had to do was give it the slightest tug to earn his attention. "you didn't have to do that," you said softly.

his brows raised a little. "hm?" he looked toward where the pair had left. "did you want to get your own drink?"

"no, i..." you pursed your lips. how did you say 'i'm used to being forgotten' without it sounding bad? you were typically the quieter one in a group. if you weren't with your close friends, then people seemed to overlook you by accident--just as seungkwan had done. "it's normal for me, that's all."

"it's his job, though," jun said, as casual as he could be about it. "if you wanted to get your own drink, that's fine--but it shouldn't be because he miscounted."

if it wouldn't net him a little teasing, you would kiss him here. even a chaste kiss on the cheek earned teasing with all his friends present. so you just snuggled in, knee pressing against his, and gave him a quick squeeze around the middle. it was subtle enough no one would comment on it.

"thank you, jun," you said softly. "i..." get nervous with large groups. but he already knew that.

even if it earned him a little teasing, he leaned in to press a kiss into your hair. "i've got you," he promised. "don't worry. i'll always remember you."

kwon soonyoung

all of this fucking sucked and there was no place you wanted to be more than home. but you were always a bit of a pushover, always the person who said no to going out, to going to clubs, to doing things in highly busy places when you could barely move... and yet here you were, completely miserable. why did your friends even invite you to places like this now? you'd compromised with them in the past (clubs that were a little less packed than the one you were in, or going to karaoke to drink and sing so they could get loud if they wanted), but it felt like those days were slipping away now. you hugged yourself tight, trying to make yourself smaller as you kept to a side table while they danced their hearts out with strangers. it was too loud and too cramped, and your drinks tasted disgusting, and you'd swallowed your struggles for the past few hours. when was the last time your friends did something you wanted to do...?

then your phone lit up. tap tap?

you responded in kind: tap tap.

be there in ten!

soonyoung had established this system with you forever ago. he'd gone off talking about his experience in martial arts and that tapping out was basically the way to get out of it all. you'd expressed a little confusion over the subject: wasn't the point of martial arts to, you know, to fight? but he'd played with your fingers idly, humming to himself as he considered the way to explain it simplest.

"everyone has different limits," was what he had settled on, looking up to meet your eyes that day. "so if you meet your limit... just text that to me and we can leave. no one has to know what it means."

you gathered your things as silently as you could, just to ensure you still had your belongings at this point. you danced with your friends earlier, only to tap out of that when you wanted another drink. someone had said something raunchy to you, and been kind-of a dick when you tried to innocently mention you had a boyfriend (then why are you even here?). thus you sentenced yourself to the sidelines. out of sight, out of mind, out of trouble.

soonyoung didn't seem to care that he was in his sweats. no doubt he sweet-talked the bouncer into letting him in to find you quickly and leave, because he'd already taken your hand the moment he made his way to you. he guided you out of the place, waved to the guy, and made off with your hand in his.

"i don't like these friends," he said outright once you were far away enough and your hearing was starting to return. your head still felt slightly fuzzy from it all. "why do you let them treat you like this?"

you'd been friends with this group since college. they went out clubbing then, too, but they had never pressured you to go with them then--and they still made an effort to do fun things they liked that you also liked. when did that start changing? you counted back the time. longer than six months ago? a year? what changed--

you looked at soonyoung. oh. that's what changed. soonyoung came into your life and gave you a safe place to be yourself. and around then, that's when your friends had begun making comments about how you were always so 'safe' and too timid for things. pushing boundaries was good, right?

soonyoung took your hands in his. "you shouldn't let them force you into this so often," he said, voice gentle. "i know it's hard for you to say no, but... you look miserable still."

you shook your head. not tonight. please not tonight. and soonyoung nodded in kind, squeezing your hands.

"my housemates are home watching movies," he said. "we can make more popcorn! i washed your spare clothes so you can get all comfy," he beamed at you. "but if you don't want to hang out with them, we can watch something in my room instead. is that better?"

you liked soonyoung's housemates. you shook your head. "can i sit between you and jun?"

he giggled, kissing you gently. "as long as you don't mind him cuddling with you, too."

with soonyoung around... you were more okay with anything.

jeon wonwoo

you had never believed in soulmates before, but if you had to pick one... you were pretty sure wonwoo was it. the two of you had met through a mutual friend (one kim mingyu, who was your loud, loud neighbor at one point--but also the guy who brought over food when you were sick and took care of you when you had no one else to help you), who had turned to you and said he knew someone perfect for you. the two of you met in a bookstore for your date, and the rest was history. wonwoo put you at ease faster than anyone had ever done before, and you were sure that it was because the two of you were alike.

case in point: it was saturday night, and wonwoo was spending it with you. "with" being used loosely: he wasn't talking to you, mostly muttering under his breath to himself, nor were you doing something together. he was curled up on the couch, playing a video game by himself, while you were happily doing a jigsaw puzzle today. saturday was cozy days in this apartment. fridays were when the two of you ventured out. sometimes you went out for dinner, or went to the movies, or went to a mall just to explore for hours. sometimes you were joined by friends, other times it was just the two of you. but that's how things were with you and wonwoo: the weekdays after work could be spend doing whatever the two of you wanted to do. the weekends were for relaxing at home, save for the occasional party (usually birthdays, but you made your fair share of appearances outside of those) the two of you made plans around.

being with wonwoo was easy. his introverted nature seemed to go hand in hand with your shyness. he was okay with speaking for you when you were particularly nervous with people, and he was equally fine holding your hand when you felt okay enough to speak up. he never judged you. being with wonwoo was safe. the most he ever did were the gentle chuckles that sounded from him when he was admiring you, finding tiny bits of your behavior particularly endearing.

"wonwoo?" you called out. he pulled off one set of his headphones, peering back at you for you to continue. "i love you."

his gaze softened. "i love you, too." he didn't turn away yet, though. "are you thinking about something?"

he always seemed to read you easily (you were his favorite book, in his humble opinion). you averted your gaze, already feeling the heat flood into your cheeks. being with wonwoo was easy, yes, but your shyness always seemed to take hold when it came to your feelings past those three words. "i just..." you fiddled with your fingers. "i was thinking about you. and... you're always really kind to me, you know? i don't have to, y'know, worry about messing up with you. i can... i can just be me, timidness and all."

wonwoo just seemed to admire you now, the softest smile on his face. "right... because you accept me as i am. i like this," he gestured a little to the room in general. "we don't have to go out all the time and do things. it's like..." he trailed off for a moment. "you're going to make fun of me."

you waved a hand, "no, no, just say it. i won't, i promise."

"we're cats." he paused when he heard you snort a little in response, but continued. "you've seen them before. some cats just laze around each other, and that's enough because they're spending that time together. we don't have to be doing the same thing... but just knowing we can spend this time together shows me that we love each other." he paused again, waving a hand, "not that i don't love doing things with you! it's just nice to know that we fit together."

"like a puzzle," you said absentmindedly. it earned a soft chuckle from wonwoo in kind.

"yes." he set aside his controller, making his way to you. "like a puzzle." he pulled out the chair across from you. he'd reached out, picking up a piece. "may i?"

"you may," you giggled, watching him carefully put it into place. "wonwoo?" you reached forward, brushing his hair from his eyes. "you're my favorite puzzle piece."

he chuckled warmly, cupping your cheek for a moment. "you're mine, too."

lee jihoon

the relationship you had with jihoon was maybe one of the slower ones anyone had seen. it wasn't for lack of attraction at all--anyone who spoke to you or jihoon knew that the two of you had fallen for each other. but for the longest time, both of you grew flustered when it came to skinship in public. the most either of you could handle was holding hands through busy crowds. the moment one of his friends noticed and called attention to it? you separated. it was why soonyoung, seungcheol, and vernon became jihoon's defense squad: if someone noticed that jihoon was holding your hand or arm or anything... one of the three were there to keep them from commenting on it.

and their jobs were harder now that jihoon had brought you on a trip with them all. he wanted you there, you needed a break from work after saving so much vacation time, and having a group of friends present made things a tad easier and also harder. easier because you didn't have to worry about things being awkward with you and jihoon, and harder because holy fuck, jihoon had a lot of friends. you'd ended up attached to vernon out of all of them. something about the guy's laid back nature put you the most at ease (wonwoo was right next on that list, though).

"hey, um..." you had tugged on his sleeve to get his attention, always so careful of other people's boundaries. "i know what you're doing."

jihoon had looked up from his phone, eyes flickering from you to vernon. "huh?" he paused, voice soft, "has he been bothering you--"

"no! nonono--" you waved a hand. "no. um. jihoon. you brought it up last night."

vernon looked between the two of you. "what?"

"you tell the others to knock it off anytime they see us touch at all," jihoon said outright. he was good at that when you were starting to shy away from things. "it's not a big deal. we're adults."

truth be told, it was usually mingyu who brought it up. but the others gave their fair share of loving teasing toward jihoon when they noticed the way he held tightly onto your hand at times, or the loving way he gazed at you. they always took glee in watching his face turn redder and redder. but you... you had always been a different case. jihoon could handle the teasing: he wouldn't stand it for you, even if he knew it was coming as a symbol of their acceptance toward you. you needed to say if it was alright first, not them.

"i just..." you were getting flustered over it. "i appreciate it. i like you guys a lot, but it gets kinda embarrassing when someone like jeonghan teases us like we're teenagers on a first date."

"they're shy," jihoon ran his thumb along the back of your hand. "not a kid."

vernon looked between the two of you, and something clicked. there was this understanding between the two of you that no one else had quite understood yet. all of them knew how jihoon was when it came to skinship: he didn't want to be treated like a child. and you, with your shyness, could be seen in a similar light. maybe that was why the two of you clicked so well. something about yourselves could be misconstrued and used to speak down to you, and both of you recognized that in each other and respected the other's wishes.

"yeah! yeah, i get it," he nodded. "i'm glad you guys have each other."

you averted your gaze, lips forming a subtle smile. "thanks," you said, voice quieter than before.

the two of you separated from vernon after a little more conversation, and he watched as jihoon flexed his fingers before clutching your hand in his own. and when no one was looking, he leaned in, whispering something into your ear before kissing the skin right in front of it.

the two of you were happy. and that was all that mattered to any of them.

lee seokmin

seokmin knew that, as well as you could mesh into social situations now, there was one thing that made you more nervous than anything. and that was when pictures were being taken.

he had his fair share of candids of you saved in his phone for his eyes only (or, well, his eyes and anyone who caught a glance at his home screen--his lockscreen would always be a picture of the two of you). pictures with or taken by seokmin were in this different realm of 'safe,' according to you. hell, pictures taken by you were safe, too. but he'd seen the way you tried to duck out of pictures constantly, always uncomfortable when they came up in mandatory situations.

so when he saw the wedding photographer's assistant making his rounds to grab pictures of the guests during the reception... his hand tightened a little around yours. he leaned in, lips grazing your ear for a moment, "just stay close to me and i'll block what i can, if you want."

you had been confused at first, only to spot the guy a moment later. you glanced down at yourself, brows drawing together. being a distant face in the wedding video during the ceremony had already been a little nerve-wracking, but photos of you... you looked at seokmin, a deer in the headlights. "i..."

you told him once that you didn't like pictures of yourself because you felt out of place in them. it all came from a lack of confidence that you managed to find when you were in control, or when you were seeing yourself through seokmin's lens. he clutched your hand tight, guiding you away from where you'd been sitting together, watching others dance.

"seokmin, wait," you tugged him to a stop as he guided you toward a side door. "you don't have to. i can go by myself--"

he shook his head. "he got pictures of me when i was dancing with minghao earlier," he said. "we can go outside for a minute, okay? you can't avoid all pictures tonight, but..."

you already knew that: hence why you were avoiding these. you were already tired, clothing a little less neat compared to this morning, and all you could think about was how thankful you were for seokmin. you squeezed his hand. "okay," you said softly. "then... lead the way."

(and if mingyu snapped a picture from a window of the two of you walking outside... then you were okay with it. just this once.)

kim mingyu

if there was one thing you were thankful for, it was that mingyu talked about you constantly. you weren't exactly the most outgoing person, always a little too nervous when it came to people you didn't know... and with a silly, loving boyfriend who also happens to be incredibly handsome, some people were all too eager to flirt wih him. as much as it made you a little insecure (and a lot more jealous, to be honest), you trusted mingyu wholeheartedly. mainly because you'd seen the way he reacted when people started flirting.

"i'm married," was his go-to now. neither of you were married (mingyu said he was fine marrying you as much as he was fine not doing it: he was committed to you, period, and didn't need papers to say that if you didn't want them), but the rings you wore were wedding band-adjacent. you had wanted a pair that looked simpler because your work could dirty your hands sometimes (thus you wanted something easy to clean), and mingyu liked the sleek look of these compared to the others.

sometimes you swore he took a little too much joy out of flashing his "wedding band" at people. he told you once that it was because people always backtrack so hard, it's a little amusing.

except when you were standing right next to him. that was when mingyu pulled you into his arms, giggling like a dummy (your dummy, always) as he showed off his ring. "we're married, actually," he would say. "aren't they cute?" he giggled. "they're still so shy after all this time..."

the person had wandered off, face burning with embarrassment, but seungcheol rolled his eyes from where he was boxing up your chocolates. "for how long?"

mingyu smiled, arms still securely around you. "ah... does the time really matter?" he swayed a little, dragging you along with the motion. "we're together for life. that's all that matters now--"

"you suck at lying." seungcheol smiled a little when that earned a snort from you.

mingyu just hugged you tighter. "someone has to do it!" he nuzzled your head. "and i like doing it. did you see their face when i said we were married? it's cute."

seungcheol rolled his eyes. "so i've heard."

"are you saying they aren't cute?" mingyu's voice became more serious now. would he be pouting if you turned to look at his face? you weren't sure, but with mingyu... you felt like it might be a safe bet. "they're right here. don't be mean to them."

"if i called them cute, then i'd never hear the end of it from you."

something about the way they continued to bicker like brothers finally earned a laugh from you, hands holding securely onto mingyu's arms. it stopped him there, and he immediately dove around you to kiss your cheek.

"see?" mingyu said. "they're cute. shyness and all."

xu minghao

"cute."

you looked up from your book, curled up on one end of your couch. minghao was smiling at you, head propped up by his hand as he leaned against the back of the couch. you knew this smile too well now: something inside that cute head of his had stirred awake and decided now was the time to tease you. you'd seen stoic, serious minghao plenty of times, alongside the wittier, snarky version of your boyfriend you had fallen for after he made one snappy comment back at one of his friends... but playful, silly minghao would always be your favorite flavor of him. except for when 'silly, playful' meant complimenting you. minghao knew compliments were your weakness in life.

"hm?" you sounded, hoping that maybe you heard him wrong. "did you say something."

"you heard me." that same smile greeted you now. "you're cute."

shit. shit. this was already a losing battle as you shrink down against the couch, the hood of your hoodie being dragged up. "hao... don't."

"hm?" he reached out, pushing your book out of the way--just enough that he could see your face. "don't what? tell the truth? you know i think you're cute, why shouldn't i say it?"

"it's embarrassing." you looked away.

"we're the only ones here, my love." your heart rate spiked for a moment: not the 'my love'. he knew what those words did to you. your ears were burning now, and you continued to hide yourself in your hoodie.

"still..." you already knew he had won this, whatever it was. you shoved your bookmark into your book, setting it aside as you continued to hide, tugging at the drawstring from your hood to close it around you. your voice grew higher as you finally confessed, "you're cuter."

"we're not talking about me right now," he had begun to move in. "you're just proving me right, you know. you're cute." he nudged your knees aside as he propped himself up over you.

this man was going to be the death of you.

he tugged the hood away from your face, string coming loose with ease. "see?" he poked the tip of your nose. "cute. it's a fact."

all too easily, you gave in when he wrapped his arms around you, tugging you so that you could be closer to you. he folded himself around you, burying his face in your neck as he breathed out a happy sigh.

"is something up?" you asked quietly. "i mean--i don't, up, i don't mind the sappy stuff. just..."

"i'm fine," he pecked your neck, nose grazing against the underside of your jaw. "just needed to love you louder today." he paused, raising his gaze to meet yours as he leaned around you. "is that okay?"

with a sigh, you settled into his arms. "yeah," you mumbled. "always okay. thank you for asking."

boo seungkwan

this was mortifying. what if you died right here? would that be better than witnessing this? chan had an arm around you while vernon was trying to pull seungkwan back. you just wanted one nice night with your boyfriend and his friends, and now seungkwan was very loudly arguing with someone who had said something not-so-nice about you relying on him so much. you were fine when it was just the four of you, but seungkwan knew you. he knew you struggled with being heard: hence why he reiterated your request on your behalf.

"they're my partner and i'm not going to let you speak about them like that!" he balled his fists. "just because they won't complain doesn't mean you can insult them to their face!"

"seungkwan," vernon pulled his arm harder. "dude. we're gonna get kicked out."

"fine!" he said, looking back at vernon. "i don't care! he was rude to them and made fun of them--they don't get to insult anyone i love like that!"

"seungkwan," you called out, finally getting his attention. you shook your head. "it's okay. let's just go."

he stole one last glance at the asshole he'd been yelling at, before taking a breath. seungkwan pulled away from vernon, making his way over to you as he took your hand. the four of you left, heading back outside as seungkwan immediately rounded to face you once you were far enough away from the place. he waved for the other two to go on--he just needed to speak to you alone. seungkwan took your hands, squeezing them gently.

"are you okay? did i ruin our night?" he frowned, pausing as he tugged at your sleeve to fix it back into place. "i would have let it go if he didn't make fun of you."

"it's okay," you said. "i'm sorry you always have to do this for me."

he blinked. "hm?" he looked back. "that place was busy. vernon didn't hear you, so i made sure your request got across." he paused, realization hitting him. "not that it matters now..."

"you guys can go back without me," you said, pulling your hands free. "i'm gonna go home."

"but--" he stepped forward. "you don't have to. we can go somewhere else." he paused for a moment. "i'm sorry i started yelling at him. i..." he took a deep breath. "i love you, and i don't care that you get shy or nervous or whatever you want to call it. i'm happy to talk for both of us if that's what you need me to do." he paused. "do you really want to go home?"

you nodded. "a little."

"then i'll go with you," he took your hand. "we'll come back out another night."

you squeezed his hand. "seungkwan?" you interlaced your fingers with his. "thanks for having my back."

"thank you for having mine," he pecked your cheek. "i'll always be here."

chwe vernon

the moment you turned the corner, vernon immediately straightened up, all signs of 'illness' seeming to disappear entirely. it made you slow to a stop, hand leaving his as you stare at him. was... was that why he was so insistent on not taking a cab home? he'd said the night air might help if you walked a little, but...

"alright. where to?" he turned, phone already in hand. "there's that dessert place you like. wait, did you eat? we could grab something else instead--"

"i thought you were sick." you sounded dumbfounded, and vernon blinked.

"you wanted to get out of there." a true fact, but you hadn't said it to vernon yet. "oh, dude. you get this look on your face." he made his way over to you. "like... you looked miserable. so i figured i'd take one for the team and pretend i'm sick so you wouldn't have to come up with an excuse again."

your cats could only get sick so many times without people wondering if something was wrong with them, after all.

you frowned. "you didn't have to do that."

"i kinda did." he took your hands. "like... i saw the look on your face. the 'please stop asking me about work, and my relationship, and my life, i'm going to pass out' face. remember that work thing you took me to? you did that face there, too."

maybe you loved this man more than anything.

"so... where do you wanna go? we could go back to my place. i've got popcorn, we could steal seungcheol's netflix account again, watch something dumb."

it earned a giggle from you. "he knows, right?"

"you haven't seen the new profile he made last week." he pulled you back with him, letting you follow his steps, "named it freeloaders. we're not the only ones using it, y'know."

you giggled again. between vernon, mingyu, and wonwoo... you weren't surprised seungcheol knew the netflix account was getting used by more than just him. they shared accounts, after all. he was using vernon's disney plus account often enough, mainly to get to hulu.

"just say the word if you ever want me to make up something, by the way," he squeezed your hand. "i know you get bad with people sometimes. let me handle it, alright?"

at least you had vernon in your life to make it all easer.

lee chan

chan chuckled. "it's okay," he said as he felt you bury your face in his neck. "i don't think he'll think anything of it."

chan was beyond used to seeing you flustered over the silliest little things. while he replayed his own slip-ups later on, you wore your emotions plain on your face after finishing a phone call with your close friend (and the guy who introduced you to chan), seungcheol. you'd slipped up and said an innocent 'love you!' to him, something chan always saw coming considering you'd long-since confessed that he felt like family to you. he saw the regret on your face for saying it so casually to a friend when it took you forever to say it to chan, and now he was fighting back the urge to laugh as you whined.

"he's never gonna let me live it down."

chan patted your back gently, chuckling a little now. seungcheol definitely wouldn't let it go--at least not to chan. "you're close friends! friends can say they love each other."

"i know, but..." you squeezed your eyes shut. "it's embarrassing. he didn't even say anything back and--and you know how cheol is."

that he did. chan heard your phone chime, and reached for it to steal a quick look... only to see seungcheol had texted you back: CALL ME BACK >:(

"baby?" he held up your phone, waving it in front of your face. "he's waiting."

"nooooooo," you whined again. "he's gonna make fun of me."

your phone began to ring. chan didn't hesitate to answer it, putting seungcheol on speaker. "they're dying, cheol."

"they didn't let me say it back!"

you buried your face further into chan's neck. of course seungcheol took it in stride--and of course his real problem was that you didn't give him the chance to say it back. chan let out a snort, hand curling around the back of your head as he gave it a quick pat.

"you're killing them still. you know how they get with affection."

you knew seungcheol was rolling his eyes with that annoyed sigh he let out. "they're like family. i wasn't going to be mad until they hung up on me before i could say it."

the affection truly was killing you. chan had seen you bury your face in his neck before, always too embarrassed to just accept the sweet words of anyone--especially himself. he called you one night to drunkenly ramble about his affections for you, and immediately apologized when you broke your favorite mug while you were mentally malfunctioning. even now, he felt the way you grabbed at his shirt, face burning hot with embarrassment. this was the reason why he could never arrange a surprise party for you: you might pass out if so many people broadcast their love for you at once.

"so?" seungcheol said, and you could hear someone laughing in the background. mingyu for sure, and someone else. "ignore them."

"love you, cheol," you mumbled. "sorry i hung up earlier."

your apology was met with a warm chuckle. "it's okay. let me know when you're coming over for dinner again," he said, and then paused for a second, "bring your boyfriend, too."

chan gasped in mock offense, as though he hadn't been sitting there the entire time. he hung up the call, and immediately wrapped his arms around you. "you love me more, right?" he teased, just to see that cute pout on your face. he'll kiss it soon, too.

you averted your gaze, face burning hot now. first cheol, now chan? "you know i do."

"say it." he poked your side, just to watch you squirm. "or else."

you could feel the way his fingers were starting to tickle your sides. "chan!"

all too easily, he'd made you forget about your nervous blunder as he dove forward to kiss you amidst your giggles. "say it!"

taglist: @twancingyunhao @wonuziex @synthetickitsune @staranghae @porridgesblog @weird-bookworm @bangchansbae @laylasbunbunny

[mayrose713]

Beautifully Cruel World-Chapter 10

Series Masterlist | Previous | Next

ABO Non-Idol Stray Kids Universe Poly OT8 x Reader 18+ MDNI

Warnings in the Series Masterlist as well as any other information needed

Warning: Smut First time I've ever written smut, so I'm sorry if it sucks (I'm updating the warnings in the series masterlist so this is the only other warning for smut from here on out)

Also want to let everyone know that with holiday seasons coming up, work is getting busier and I'm gonna be working more days than my normal here soon so it's gonna be a bit harder to write. I promise to update as often as possible and I'm gonna start adding dates next to the upcoming chapters in the masterlist on when they should be posted so refer to that.

thank you everyone for reading, now enjoy

Chapter 10

“How was it?” Jisung asks after Y/n walks out of the office he was waiting for her in front of as she was talking with her therapist and psychiatrist and he can see the signs that she’s been crying which doesn’t surprise him. 

“Weird.” She sniffles, wiping her nose with a tissue. “They asked me a lot of mental health questions mostly, and they want to put me on anti anxiety meds for sure and maybe antidepressants.”

“It’s not too bad.” He takes her hand to lead her back to the lobby where Chan is waiting for them. “I was put on the same when I first started coming here. Still take the anxiety ones actually.”

“Really?” She looks at him surprised. 

“Yeah.” He nods his head. “I was homeschooled as a kid so I didn’t socialize as much as I should have and it caused a lot of anxiety because of it. The only reason I know Chan and Changbin is because my dad worked for their dads originally. Really they were my only friends back then.”

“Good to know.” She nods, frowning. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I just realized I don’t actually know a lot about all of you guys, or how you all came to be.” She whispers, looking at the floor. 

“Well feel free to ask questions whenever, we‘ll be happy to answer.” He squeezes her hand as they walk out into the lobby and Chan looks up at them.

“You okay?” Chan stands as the two walk up to him and he pulls her into his side. 

“Yeah, it was just a lot.” She hands him the paper for her anti-anxiety prescription. 

The alpha looks over it and sighs but understands and reads the note about possible antidepressants but they want to have more sessions with her to determine that. 

“I’m gonna ask you like I had asked Ji when they wanted to prescribe him this too.” He moves her to look at him. “Do you want to be put on medication? Do you think it will actually help you?”

“I-I don’t know. I’ve never taken stuff like this before.” She stutters. “But I’m wary because of the injections.” She then looks over at Jisung. “Does it help you?”

“Yeah, I think so.” He smiles at her. “I feel like I’m able to get through the day easier with it. And don’t worry, it’s nothing like how the injection was.”

Y/n nods her head still thinking about it and Chan tilts her head to look up at him. “Hey, you can try them out for a bit and if you don’t like how they make you feel or don’t think they’re helping then we can slowly get you off of it.” He reassures her. “We did that with Jisung for his antidepressants.” 

“Okay.” She whispers. “I’ll try it.” 

Chan goes and gets the prescription sent in to be picked up at the pharmacy in Stayville and picks it up on their way home. 

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

“Baby girl.” Chan stops the omega as she walks past his room and motions for her to come in. “I’ve noticed you’ve been in your head since we got home, talk to me.” He shuts the door after she walks in.

She sighs as he leads her to sit on his bed. “I just realized today that I don’t actually know a lot about all of you.” 

“That’s all?” He watches her closely as she nods her head. “Baby, all you have to do is ask us questions and we’ll tell you anything you want to know.” 

“Can you tell me about your family and where you came from?” She asks shyly. “I remember Minho telling me that Hannah visits from Australia a lot. And Dr. Hajoon was calling you Chris.” 

“Yeah.” He smiles and laughs a little as he sits next to her. “My English name is Christopher. I was born here but was mostly raised in Australia. My dad went back and forth from there and here to help Changbin’s dad run the company. His dad retired so he and I handle the Korean office while my dad still runs the one there.”

The omega nods as she listens. “Your brother is an omega. What about Hannah? And your parents?”

“Lucas is our only omega in my family pack too.” He smiled at her. “My dad is an alpha and so is Hannah. My mom is a beta.”

“Would we ever be able to go visit Australia?” She whispers.

“Of course.” He lifts her head to look at him. “As a pack we own a vacation house there so that Felix and I are able to visit our families often.”

Y/n’s jaw dropped. “How did I not realize that Felix is also Australian?”

“I don’t know, baby.” He laughs a bit. “Felix and I have known each other since we were kids. I taught him Korean and after I had moved and gotten settled here with Changbin, Jisung and Seungmin we moved him here.” 

“Ji said you guys were the only friends he had since his dad worked for yours.” She looks over his facial features. “How did everyone else come into the pack?”

“Well, Seungmin and I went to high school together here. I was his senior.” He smiles as she listens closely. “He was a bit unsure of himself when he realized we were fated. I had to go up to him first and tell him about Changbin and Jisung, who I was living with and tell him about Felix back home.”

“Minho had run into Jisung at a caffe not far from the office. At the time Minho was a backup dancer for BTS but after meeting Ji and wanting to court him since he was his fated mate, he decided to stay in Seoul and started teaching dance. And Ji convinced him to meet the other four of us as he knew we were his fated mates too.”

“Min was a backup dancer for BTS?” Y/n gawks. “I don’t believe it.”

“Look up some of their live performances, you’ll see.” And she makes a mental note to do so later. “Hyunjin and Jeongin met each other in school and knew they were each other's fated mates. Hyunjin had started taking classes from Min and even though they both realized they were fated mates, Jinnie was too scared of Minho to talk to him about it and Min wasn’t about courting his student.”

Y/n couldn’t help but laugh at how cute the whole situation is. “So how did it finally happen?”

“Felix.” Chan smirks. “Changbin had dropped him off at the studio one day to bring Minho lunch and Hyunjin fell in love at first sight. After that Lix made Jinnie and Min talk and Hyunjin told them about Jeongin and they told him about the rest of us.”

“That’s all really cute.” The omega gushes. “Best story ever.”

“I don’t know.” He grins at her mischievously. “I think my favorite story is the one about how we met our omega.” He grabs her pulling her onto his lap so she’s straddling him causing her to blush.

“Channie.” She pouts as he holds her hips and Y/n can’t help but to glance down at his lips, thinking about what it would be like to kiss him.

Y/n starts to wonder if they’re gonna claim her soon or not, thinking back to what her brother had told her, about them possibly just using her.

“You’re thinking too much, baby girl.” The alpha grips her hips a bit tighter causing her to whine a little. “Just say it.”

“Please.” She looks back and forth from his eyes to his lips.

“You’ve gotta say it.” She continues to pout though and he lightly spanks her ass. “Come on baby, I don’t know what you’re wanting if you don’t speak up.”

“Please claim me, alpha.” She sounds disparate.

“Fuck.” He growls, pulling her down to kiss her lips. “Wasn’t expecting that.”

The kiss is heated and passionate, he smirks at the small wines she’s making. He spanks her again causing her to gasp and the alpha takes the opportunity to slide his tongue past her lips. She doesn’t try to fight back with her tongue, already submitting to him.

He pulls away from the kiss and starts trailing kisses down her jaw to her neck, relishing in the little sounds she makes. He groans into her neck when she bucks her hips against him, her nails digging into his shoulders. 

Chan buries his nose into her scent gland before switching their positions so she’s on the bed and he’s hovering above. One arm next to her head to keep himself up and the other lightly trailing up her bare thigh to the bottom of her skirt. 

“Are you sure about this, baby girl? Because once we start, I’m not stopping.” He looks into Y/n’s eyes, seeing how desperate and needy she already is as she nods her head. “Words baby, I need you to use your words.”

“Yes alpha, I’m sure.”

“Good girl.” He growls as he pushes her skirt up and cups her sex, feeling how damp her underwear is. “Fuck, my little omega, you’re already so wet.” 

Y/n covers her face with her hands in embarrassment as he continues to rub her through her panties letting out little whines and moans. 

“Don’t hide from me.” Chan grabs both of her wrists with one hand and moves them from her face and pins them above her head. “There she is, my beautiful girl.”

“Channie.” Y/n bucks her hips against his hand. “You’re teasing.”

“Am I?” He fake pouts at her before taking his hand away from her and she whines and squirms as he still holds her in place. “What’s wrong? I thought you didn’t want me to tease you? So I stopped.” 

“Chan, please.” And with a smirk at her begging he lets go of her wrists, moving his hands to her blouse and takes it off and raises a brow at her bare chest. “No bra? Tsk, naughty girl.”

“Took it off when we got home.” Y/n pants. “It was uncomfortable.” 

“Of course it was.” He coos, kissing her lips again and cups her boob, squeezing it a little before playing with her nipple. 

She arches her back, moaning into his mouth as she starts pulling at his shirt trying to get it off. Chan sits back pulling the shirt over his head and she ogles him, eyes roaming over every muscle of his torso. She then notices the bulge in his jeans, sitting up she unbuttons them as he smiles while watching her, helping take his pants off leaving him in his boxers. 

Chan grabs the waistband of her skirt, pulling it down along with her panties before pushing her to lay back down as he looks over her.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers, moving his fingers to play with her slit before pushing a finger in causing her to bite her lip. “You’re so tight, baby. If you can’t take my finger, how are you gonna take my cock?”

“I can take it.” The omega moans as he starts to finger her. “Please alpha, I can, I promise.”

“Let me prep you first.”

He pushes a second finger in and makes a come hither motion and she arches her back once again grabbing onto his arm as he speeds up his fingers. 

“Channie, please.” Y/n whimpers as he pulls his fingers out of her pussy, bringing his fingers to his mouth to taste her slick.

“Mmm, you tastes so good. Gonna have to eat you out sometime.” He wastes no time sliding his boxers off before leaning over her, lining up with her. “This might hurt a little, but I promise it will get better, just let me know if it gets to be too much.”

“Okay.” Y/m whispers and gasps when he starts to push in. 

When Chan feels some resistance he gives a hard thrust, completely bottoming out inside her causing her to moan a little in pain and pleasure. He stays still, looking at her face to check she’s okay and wipes away a tear from her eye.

“Does it hurt?”

“A little.” The omega whimpers before grinding against him. “Please move.”

Chan pulls out a bit before thrusting back in causing her to gasp again as he moves. Her expression soon changed from that of a bit of pain into pleasure.

“You’re so tight, baby girl.” He grunts as her hands go to his shoulders, claws coming out and start digging into his skins as she becomes a moaning mess under him.

“Please alpha, more.” And he speeds up his rhythm, rutting into her as he looks down to where they are connected seeing just how well she’s taking him. 

When he sees some blood, which shockingly didn’t make her feel bad for hurting her but turned him on more knowing he’s taken her innocence and now belongs to the pack, to him. The sight of it causes him to harden his thrust and he grabs her hands from his shoulders placing them next to her head and holds them.

“Channie… ah.” Y/n squeezes his hands, head turning to the side as her eyes close, her walls clamping around him.

“Fuck.” He growls, loving the sound her slick makes around his cock. “You close baby?”

She nods in desperation and the knot at the base of his cock starts to swell. “Please, Chan, so close. Want your knot, please. Please claim me.”

Chan nuzzles into her neck for a moment smelling at her scent gland before biting down hard, teeth breaking the skin as he tastes her blood. She screams and cums around him, shaking in pleasure, her juices squirting everywhere making a mess of both of them and the bed. She thought the bite would hurt but instead she just feels a flood of his love and emotions for her.

He stays latched onto her neck riding out her pleasure before his knot inflates all the way and he releases his load into her. His knot keeps him locked in as his cum fills her up, some spilling out around his cock. It isn’t until she’s milked him dry that he lets go of her neck, licking his lips of her blood.

Y/n gazes up at him looking fucked out as he lets go of one of her hands to push some of her hair out of her face. “You did so good, baby girl.”

“Wanna bite you too.” The omega whimpers as she tries to move but his knot still hasn’t softened, keeping him in place.

Chan leans down, giving her access to his neck, the side with only three mate marks and she bites down just under the bottom one. He groans in pleasure and lets her stay there as long as she wants. 

Once she lets go she looks up at him, eyes full of love. “My alpha.”

“That’s right baby.” He coos and kisses her lips. “I love you so much.”

“Love you too.”

______________________________________________________________

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[sassysnowperson]

The world is exploding and you want me to take care of myself?

I live in the U.S.A. As you might have heard, things are PRETTY BAD right now. It's been bad before, sure. I mostly coped with 2016-2020 by ignoring the news and writing a TON of fanfiction.

But between then and now I went and got a job as a therapist, and it turns out I can't just stick my head when my whole job is to help other people with the stuff that's stressing THEM out. So I've had to find a better way to deal with it. I thought some of y'all might appreciate a distillation of the conversations I've been having, with myself, and with the people I'm working with, as we try to figure this out together.

Yeah, It's Bad.

So yeah, we know that depression and anxiety are lying liars that lie. But. Your anxiety or depression isn't lying to you about this one. Things are bad. That said, maybe it's helpful to check if they are lying to you about your ability to survive this, to handle this, to find spaces where you can act. We are not doomed to paralysis and misery.

The Paralysis is the Point.

The current administration is using a playbook that involves trying to make their opponents feel overwhelmed, helpless, miserable. Any action we take against that is action against tyranny.

Action is the Antidote.

We live in an age where we can take in endless misery, about things that are either so big or so distant or so both that we are not able, by ourselves, to fix them. And that sucks. We need to find a way to turn that fear energy into action.

More Things are Action than You Think.

Self-care is an act of resistance. Authoritarianism does not do well with a hopeful, resilient, connected populace. Taking care of yourself is action, taking care of those you love is action, building hope and resilience is action. Talking to your neighbors, taking care of them, paying attention to their needs and seeking local solutions to address them - all actions. Any step you take towards building resilience in yourself and your community fights the crap you see on the news.

Speaking of the News.

Lets talk about digital self-care. This is not an all-or-nothing situation. If you need to detach completely, go ahead. But your options are not only ignore or open yourself up to an endless stream of misery. This is going to look different for different people, but we have got to refine our information boundaries. That might be blocking or unfollowing people (even people we agree with, who are saying things in a way that triggers our own despair). It might be losing certain platforms, it might be seeking out news from specific trusted journalists or a weekly roundup. Pay attention to how you feel during and after your news and social media use. Is it helping you live the life you want to live? Is it meeting a need? Is there a better way to get that need met?

Some Things are Still Good.

Let's make a Still Good list. All the crap in the world, but you know what, my cats purr is still good. The smell of vanilla and old books is still good, the look of a new-green shoot sticking out of the dirt is still good. No, we're not doing this to ignore the bad and pretend life is wonderful. But our brains are designed to prioritize threats, and with so many threats, it will wear itself out trying to protect you. Find the things that are still good, focus on them. Let yourself rest in the good, at least for awhile.

You are not alone.

It's so easy to feel alone. Feel like we misjudged the world, what was important to people. How can people think so differently than ourselves? The world is so big, things are so bad, and it feels like we're fighting by ourselves, so why not give up?

You are not alone. There are people that believe in the same things you do. You are not the only one fighting. Anything that you find full of despair and hopelessness, I promise, there are smart people with good ideas working on it. Take comfort from their presence. If you have space to do more, try to find them for the thing that's close to your heart.

I want better for us. And I know I am not alone. Neither are you. I promise. Neither are you.

[alessiasfreckles]

Fitting In

alessia russo x reader with social anxiety

You've been with the team for a few months, but your anxiety is making it hard to find your place. When you spend lunch hiding out in your car one day, Lessi comes to find you.

A/N: this is my first woso fic, i hope you like it! i'm planning on writing a part two with real fluff, maybe taking place a month or two later. also this is basically just a self insert fic but i figured maybe someone else could relate to it, so this is for all my other girlies with social anxiety and adhd out there

---------------

When you joined the team a few months ago, you weren’t sure how you would fit in. And now, 3 months later, you still weren’t sure.

You had a tendency to over analyse social interactions, situations, anything really, and you knew it didn’t help your social anxiety but there was no way to shut off the constant noise in your brain. At least, not until you met her. Alessia Russo. One of Arsenal’s, and England’s, star strikers. The way she moved on the pitch was like magic, and you swore you could see glitter in the air when she laughed. The crush you had on her grew by the minute. You wanted to at least be friends with her so badly, but you just didn’t know how. 

You still didn’t really have any close friends on the team. Yeah, everyone was friendly, but there were clearly established friend groups, and you didn’t know how to find your place in any of them. When you first joined you would be invited out with everyone, or invited to people’s places for movie nights, that sort of thing. But a lot of the time you felt out of place, so worried about what to say and how you were coming across that the whole situation ended up making you more anxious than if you hadn’t gone in the first place. When you did come out of your shell and say something, you’d spend the rest of the evening thinking about what you said, if it made sense, how you said it, what you should have said instead. 

It was exhausting.

Your sleep schedule was awful, most nights you couldn’t get to sleep until 3am. You’d be lying in bed, desperately trying to sleep but your brain not letting you. You’d wake up feeling groggy, but you didn’t want to let anyone see how badly it was affecting you, so you put on a brave face in front of your teammates. Most days, as soon as training was over, you’d go straight home. You were too tired to do anything other than be alone. 

One day, at lunch, you couldn’t face the thought of trying to figure out where to sit, the overstimulation from everyone talking, the noises and smells, so you decided to sit in your car, alone. You figured that no one would miss you anyway, everyone seemed to have figured out that you were a bit of a loner by now, and they mostly left you alone. 

“Something’s up with y/n, right? It’s not just me?” Leah asked Beth at lunch the next day, scanning the lunch room as she tried to find your face.

“Yeah, but I don’t know what,” Beth shrugged, frowning. “I want to help her, but-”

“Have you guys seen y/n?” Alessia interrupted, coming up from behind them. “She’s not here.”

Leah and Beth both shook their heads. “Maybe she’s in the gym, or on the training field?”. It wasn’t unusual for players to spend their breaks hanging out in other areas, and Alessia nodded.

“I think I’ll go see if I can find her,” she said, and Leah nodded. 

“That’s a good idea, Less. Maybe you can figure out what’s wrong.”

Alessia peeked into the gym, but it was empty. She thought maybe you were walking laps, so she checked the training field, but you weren’t there either. Now she was starting to worry. The two of you hadn’t talked much, but she always listened to what you had to say, and got the feeling that there was a lot more to you than you let on. Deciding to check the car park to see if your car was still there, her face brightened as she found it. When she realised you were sitting inside it, her brow furrowed in confusion. 

You look up from your lunch to see Alessia stood a few metres away from the car, looking at you with a small frown on her face. Is she upset with you? Your eyes meet, and you freeze for a second before raising a hand to wave awkwardly. Her frown clears, and she comes over to the passenger door. 

Knocking on the window and opening the door, she leant down. “Can I come in?” she asked, smiling sheepishly. 

“Uh, yeah, sure!” you reply, sitting up a little straighter, mind racing. Why is she here? What does she want from you? 

“So, um, what are you doing out here?” she asks gently, glancing down at the lunch on your lap.

“Oh, um, sometimes it’s just a lot, you know? Everyone talking and all of the noise. And I never really know where to sit,” you trail off, laughing awkwardly, inwardly cringing at yourself for saying that. 

“I get that. Sometimes some of the girls can be so loud! Like, Katie, didn’t you ever learn what an inside voice is?” she laughs gently, and you smile. “And you know you can sit wherever you want, right? None of us are going to bite you.”

“Haha, yeah, I know, I just…” you shrug, face burning.

Alessia turns to look at you, worry lining her face. “Y/n, is something going on? Has anyone made you feel unwelcome here, or anything?”

“No, everyone’s been so nice, I promise, no one’s done anything,” you start rambling, anxiety rising in your chest as hot tears start to well up in your eyes. You bury your face in your hands. “I’m sorry, this is so embarrassing.”

Suddenly you felt a warm hand on your shoulder, pulling you in to a tight hug. You stiffened to the touch but Alessia’s arms held you gently, and slowly you relaxed into it. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she murmurs, and you feel your breath returning to normal.

After a minute she lets you go and you let out a shaky laugh. “I’m sorry,” you sighed, wiping your eyes.

“Y/n, you don’t need to apologise, it’s okay, I promise,” she says, big blue eyes full of sincerity. “Can you tell me what’s going on?”

You shrug, not knowing what to say. “There isn’t really anything going on, that’s the problem. I just, my brain is just, I feel like everyone else got like, a manual telling them how to exist and how to talk to people and how to have friends, and I didn’t get the manual. You didn’t get a manual, right?” you ask, looking at her with a wry smile.

She smiles apologetically. “Nope, no manual.”

“Well, it was worth asking,” you laugh. “Things just seem to be really hard for me when everyone else finds them easy, you know? And I’m just so tired all the time, but I don’t know why, I barely do anything, I’m so lazy.”

She frowns at that. “You’re not lazy, y/n. Do you get enough sleep?”

You laugh at that. “Oh no, definitely not. Most nights I don’t get to sleep until like, 3am, sometimes 4am.”

“What, why?” she asks in shock. 

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “I just can’t sleep a lot of the time. I try to, I lie in bed with my eyes closed, but there’s just too much going on in my head, it feels like my brain is actively working against me.”

“It’s no wonder you’re so tired then!” she admonishes you gently, and the look she gives you makes you fall for her a little more. 

“I’ve always had trouble sleeping,” you explain. “Ever since I was little. And I’ve always found social situations hard, too.”

“I’ve always hated meeting new people,” the blonde admits, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s gotten a little bit easier, I think, especially after the Euros, I had to do so many interviews and media things, it helped kind of desensitise me to it, but I still don’t like it.”

“Huh,” you say quietly. You never would have guessed that she felt that way. “You always seem so confident.”

“All just a part of my effortlessly cool persona,” she grins, winking at you. You laugh, and she gives you a look of fake hurt. “What, you don’t think I’m effortlessly cool?”

Smiling, you tilt your head. “As long as you believe you’re effortlessly cool, that’s all that counts.” you tease. 

Suddenly, Alessia’s phone buzzes. “Oh, we should probably head back in. The others will be glad to see you, they were worried when you weren’t there at lunch.”

“Really?” you ask, surprise clear in your voice, but it quickly turns to worry. “Oh no, am I not meant to leave during lunch? I’m sorry, I just thought-”

“Woah, hey, relax!” she puts a hand on your arm. “Y/n, you’re allowed to do what you want during lunch. The others were just worried about you because you’re a part of the team. Our team. That makes you a part of our family.” 

You smile sheepishly. 

“Now come on, let’s get going. I don’t fancy giving Jonas an excuse to make us run extra laps, do you?”

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey there sex witch! This one might be a little bit out of your wheelhouse, but I don't really have anyone else to ask 😅 and this seems mostly relevant to what you talk about.

So recently I (a very shy person for a long time) have gotten pretty active in some fandom discord communities, and I've been making a ton of friends. Which is great because I used to have social anxiety to the point where I could barely talk to people, especially online. The problem is that my new friends are all VERY horny, all the time. Which, great for them, I don't really feel the same way. They're also very interested in ERP and other varieties of e-sex and often ask if I want to join. I really don't, but it's fine that they're into that. One guy in particular is really starting to freak me out though. He's a semi-popular creator and a mod on one of the servers. He's becoming a pretty good friend of mine and I play online games with him and others a bunch. He, like the rest of the crowd, is also very horny all the time. He often makes sexual comments about me, sometimes very graphic ones. Stuff like telling me to take my clothes off IRL while on call with him or saying stuff like "I want to fuck you until you cry" or just dming me asking if I want to have sex with him. Sometimes he notices that his comments make me uncomfortable and he did reach out to sincerely apologize for it once, but he hasn't changed his behavior a whole lot.

The big thing that worries me about him is the fact that he's 28. I'm 18, just graduated high school. He knows this about me. He does a very good job of keeping his server 18+ and would never make a sexual comment about a minor, but is still comfortable doing sexual things with people ten years younger than him. Another thing is that even though I've told him I already have a boyfriend, he assumes I'm in an open relationship even though I never told him I was. My boyfriend also says this guy kinda freaks him out and that he's a little worried about me.

I know that age gaps between older people can be perfectly healthy and problems arising from them vary pretty heavily from person to person, but I'm not entirely sure if this is ok or not. This guy doesn't want to hurt anyone. Have I probably just not properly expressed my boundaries with him? It's not like he's targeting me or anything, he acts this way with basically everyone. I'm torn on what to do, he's still my friend and I like him otherwise. Should I just keep laughing it off? I am uncomfortable but I guess it's not a huge deal to me. Should I stop talking to this guy?? Help??

🐟🐟 So I can find this quickly if/when you answer it

hi 🐟🐟,

this guy fucking sucks and needs to be banned from interacting with maybe anyone until he learns what "no" means. literally every individual thing you've described him doing would be alarming in it's own, but altogether this man is a walking collection of red flags. this is not your friend and this is not a guy who cares about your boundaries or well-being; this is a man using his fandom clout to sexually harass you (and likely others). him being ten years older than you isn't even really the biggest issue here; all of this would be shithead behavior even if you were exactly the same age.

get out of there, double fish.

[linddzz]

While yes, Viktor is confident too, but...

This man isn't shy? He's hyperventilating and nervous-tapping over the idea of giving a speech!

This man?

I guess Im not getting across like, the Vibe that I always see that bothers me? Viktor's got the social anxiety for sure, and it's VERY fair to assume that his condition makes him even more self conscious to be up in front of a crowd full of topsiders. He's pretty clear in episode 1 that he's aware of how topsiders see him and his cane use, and that's before his disability is even more visible.

But ALSO very few people ARE good on a stage in front of tons of people. And also there's a very specific connotation to "shy" that is beyond social anxiety.

Shyness to me, is its own flavor of social anxiety plus timidness. The actual definition is a bashful, timid nervousness. It has connotations of the wilting flower personality. Viktor, even when he's quiet around other people doesn't come across as nervous or timid in the slightest. His first introduction has him VERY confident and collected surrounded by enforcers and not taking Jayce being snappy and angry at him. As a kid there's more of an argument to be made because what awkward socially isolated kid isn't going to be shy. But at the same time he doesn't try to shrink away from Sky's attention, he still looks right back up at her, he just keeps on doing his own thing. Mostly he comes across as someone who does not know how to casually interact with people so he doesn't. He's got tunnels in his eyes lmao.

Viktor is complicated. Viktor is nuanced. It's why he's Ultimate Blorbo. He's withdrawn and awkward and not very good at interacting with people, but he's not timid about it. He is very self assured in himself.

But when I say fandom makes him shy it IS much more of the wilting flower timid woobie that I kept seeing in Season1 fics. There was SO MUCH of Viktor being the nervous soft spoken anxious thing who was just so happy Jayce was even giving him the time of day as if Viktor didn't sass Jayce about his notes right after he stopped the man from jumping lmaoooo

And idk not to be TOO OBVIOUS with my projecting but it's the part of Viktor I can relate to the most. I consider myself a quiet person who gets annoyed when people think that me being quiet = shy. I'm able to speak up well on zoom calls with colleagues and I also would rather drop dead than have to go up on a stage in front of a bunch of normal people who I know were expecting someone very different. I get nervous and shaky speaking up in front of a crowd of colleagues even! but afterwards I can go right up to people like "your presentation was insane tell me more right now." I am often quiet and uncomfortable in large social situations because I know that most people there are operating under a different wavelength than I am, I do not know what the right responses to things are, or I full on do not know how to not accidentally come across as a huge asshole and I don't want to be an asshole. And when I was younger I would have so many people come up and act like I was a little wallflower (bc oh boy can I also relate to being quiet while physically small meaning being constantly infantalized) who "didn't need to be so shy" and every time I was like "I'm not shy. I just don't feel any engagement with this conversation and I don't want to be a dick and tell you that, but if you gently tell me it's ok to talk one more time I'm gonna start biting."

(It got better as I got older bc I learned that if you're quiet but making active eye contact instead of staring off into other directions - not to avoid attention but because you're just thinking of other shit - people will stop labeling you as shy and instead say "intimidating" or "mysterious" which is also hilarious when what you're thinking about is "machine herald big naturals lmao" but it's better than being labeled "shy")

[plantoyoon]

Can I have a taste?

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Synopsis: Unexpected romance develops between co-workers, going on dates, drinking some coffee and alcohol.

Genre: co-workers, slow development, fluff, smut

Warnings: 18+, social anxiety, one shot

Wordcount: 9.9k

second warning: might not make perfect sense, not really proofread, I've just started writing recently... soooo thank you for reading, and if you have suggestions, I am here.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

You know that moment when life seems to make so much sense, like everything is perfectly aligned, but actually if you look further and deeper you wonder how the pieces came together?

Well, working on international projects was something indeed interesting. From your coworkers perspective, the best part was meeting new people and making new friends. You being introverted, that seem like the worst part of it. Most of the people you met were nice or at least interesting, and finding differences and similarities between cultures was also entertaining.

It wasn't the best always working at your company, but it had it's perks. Like in this moment, being at a full table with laughing people, good food and great atmosphere after the end of a successful project. Everyone was making cute promises of new meetings and new ideas to put into practice. The overall effervescence of some wine and excitement was intoxicating.

You were sitting next to the only other girl from the big team and one of your coworker, being guarded and trying to interact as least as possible. It wasn't that you didn't like them, but it was a giving you a lot of anxiety being in a group, trying to throw in some ideas in the discussion. Being around some many passionate people about their field was a bit overwhelming. You were quite good at what you were doing, and you enjoyed it but it seemed like never enough to get on into this talks. Following all the ideas of all the people at the table was getting exhausting.

At the right moment you get a message from your boss asking you for some documents as urgent as possible. You're getting so caught up into finding what he asks that you don't even hear that someone asked you a question. But you heard silence, some laughter and raised your head from the phone to look around. Of course half of the people are looking at you, your coworker Hoseok comes at your rescue, making a small joke about the fault in being a workaholic and repeating the question for you.

"How it is to work in a project just with men?" You're looking to your left for the other girl and she is nowhere to be seen.

"Where is Sara?" you ask.

"I think she went for a smoke" another guy at the table answers.

"Hmm. Fine, I guess. We delivered what we had to deliver, so great." you answer and want to go back to your business. The idea for a distraction for them appears "You could ask my coworkers how was for them, because they mostly work in teams mostly formed by women, being more old in the company, I'm sure they have better insights on that. Guys?! you inquire and as soon as the conversation gets lively again you get to your phone, sipping on the water with lemon you had on the table.

As it gets noisier you get up to find a place a bit less agitated for you to focus. You know this place quite well so you identify quickly your spot, next to a staircase with a comfy chair and take a sit. But it doesn't take long until you get interrupted again. This time by one of the members from another country.

"Hei! What you doing down there?"

"I just need to solve some things urgently and I can't find this thing." you answer as politely as possible, because this was Yoongi. He was one of the first people you worked with outside your company. He was really nice, always helpful and seemed like a good person. And you wanted to be nice to him.

"How are you?" you ask seeing him still there, not quite ready to leave.

"Good. I really like this city, and the food is great."

"Yeah, it has his qualities." you didn't like your city, but you tried your best not to show that.

As you started getting more pings from your boss, you feel the need to hurry and ask Yoongi if he needs anything.

"I was looking for the toilet actually."

"Aah. I see. Well, it's right ahead, then you do a left next to the bar and then right and then you'll see the doors." you answer looking at Yoongi, seeing him now better, red in the cheeks, glassy eyes and leaning against the wall. He was a bit too drunk, and you chuckle to yourself at this tall, dizzy guy, looking for the bathroom.

You get up and start walking towards the restrooms. "Come after me." you say with your eyes still glued to your phone. He follows and enters the room after saying a shy thank you. With your eyes still looking for the files, you walk slowly towards your comfy hidden chair. But after a few minutes, Yoongi's back and seems a bit more fresh, with some droplets hanging at the ends of his hair, probably splashed some water on his face.

"Thank you, you're really good at giving direction. You could be a great guide." says he and then slowly goes back to the other people.

You wonder what is it with these people and their weird statements, but get over this thought quickly as you found the files you were looking for. You send them and dread the moment because now you have to get back to the table with the others.

As you get closer, you notice Yoongi took the seat next to your now empty one and you think to yourself that this should definitely get into some conversation, you have no escape at this point. Somehow, you don't despise the thought. You appreciated him, even though you have never seen each other until this week. You always talked through the phone, e-mails or online calls. Now you could also appreciate how handsome he looked, but you needed to stay as professional as you could and as you should.

You take your sit, trying to get into some small talk with the girl next to you, starting with complimenting her hair. You don't really know Sara, and try to ask some question to keep the conversation going. How did she start working with her team, what did she study, how the week felt like for her. The conversation runs smooth and you praise yourself for that.

After some time you feel a poke on your shoulder, and turn around not realising until now that you've almost turned with your back towards the people on your right. And you see Yoongi asking for the bottle of sparkling wine next to you.

"You're sure you want this? Maybe this?" pushing some water towards him.

He takes the water, pours some in his glass and some in your glass. Then asking again for the wine. You comply giving him the wine, and he firstly pours in your wine glass that still had some on the bottom, then going for his glass, followed by Hoseok glass. He asks the girl next to you if she wants some and pours the rest of the bottle into her glass.

At this point you expect some kind of toast, it seems like he has something on his mind to say. He raises his glass, demanding the others to follow in his movement and says: "This city is amazing, I like it so much and I am impressed by all the good work you people have put in." then he looks at you briefly "I want to see more of it. Towards more interesting projects and new friends. Cheers!" finishing the short toast with the clinks of the glasses.

You don't know why, but you felt some goosebumps when Yoongi looked at you. But this means nothing, he will go back to his country, his life and you should get your mind out of the scenarios that start forming in your head.

As time passes, you start getting more immersed in the conversation you had with the people at the table, especially with Yoongi, realising you have so many interests in common. You feel more comfortable now and the wine definitely made it a bit easier to get through the night. Hoseok turns his head towards you asking if you're going to stay any longer, because he wants to get home. You shake your head, looking at the time and seeing it was past 11 pm. You turn your head to Yoongi with inquiring eyes. He looks at you a bit lost, but answers after sighing, that he is ready to leave.

The three of you got up, said your see you tomorrows and goodbyes, and headed towards the exit. You feel the dizziness from the alcohol getting stronger, but the cold autumn air makes it a bit easier.

"I think I'll walk for a bit before calling for a taxi."

Hoseok already called his taxi and tries to convince you to call quickly for one because it's late, you have work tomorrow and so on. He is a good friend, but sometimes he is too much of a control freak. So you say "I'll just walk Yoongi to his hotel and then get it from there." knowing it will be a ten minute walk, enough for you the feel better. Hoseok seems pleased with your solution, and Yoongi is looking stoic without saying anything.

"Only if that's alright with you, Yoongi!"

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. Of course it is!" says him as fast as possible.

Both of you walk in silence. You enjoy the cold breeze of the night and the rustling of leaves from the nearby trees and it feels quite peaceful. You hear a chuckle and look up towards Yoongi.

"What's funny?"

"How are you walking so fast? I was told I walk fast, but I feel I am putting some effort to keep up with you." Yoongi answers with another chuckle at the end.

"Ah, sorry! I think it's the wine for my speed and probably for you being a little more slow than the usual."

"Haha, maybe." followed by a long hmmm from him. You wonder what that sound was supposed to mean. "What was that?"

"What was what?"

"That hmmmm?!"

"Aaaah. I think I make this sound involuntarily when I'm thinking."

"Hmmm, I see. Hmmmmmm." You slightly mock the sound he made.

"Want to know what I am thinking about?"

You feel a trap, but you answer with "sure" anyways.

"I'm thinking…" he takes a moment before continuing "we definitely need to drink more water."

You agree, and as you see the hotel getting closer you get your phone and type in your address, ready to call for an uber. As you reach the hotel, you panic a little bit as no uber accepts your order. Yoongi stops next to you and asks if everything is alright.

"Yeah, but I think it takes a bit longer to get an uber at this hour."

"Hmm. I'll wait with you then."

"Don't worry, Yoongi. We have a long day tomorrow, I'll be fine. I'm sure someone will accept eventually."

"Don't say nonsense, I can't leave you by yourself. I would actually suggest to get into to lobby, drink something until your ride arrives."

You don't argue with that and feel a bit softer on the inside hearing that from him. You wonder why did you expect him to be less friendly. So you get inside, ask for some water at the still open bar and sit with Yoongi, talking about some of the countries he visited, and checking from time to time your phone.

15 minutes later a driver finally accepts your order, he is 3 minutes away. You let Yoongi know, and stand up, grabbing your bag. He follows you towards the exit and as you sit next to each other, he puts a hand on your shoulder, leaving it there for a bit too long, but you think about all the alcohol that was in his organism and try to not pay it attention. But the next thing surprises you, as the car stops in front of you, Yoongi closes the distance between you two with a small kiss on your cheek. "See you tomorrow! Yeah?"

"Mhm. See you tomorrow!" and you rush to the car. Was that something? It couldn't be. Your heart beats fast as you make comfortable in your sit. Maybe that's how he is with other people, friendly, french people always kiss each other on both cheeks when meeting. You try your best for the next 20 minutes to bring some sense to yourself and stop building expectations. As you get into your apartment, you check your phone one more time, and you have 3 new messages. One from Hoseok, one from your sister and one from Yoongi. All of them asking the same thing: "Have you arrived home?" you quickly send a Yes to all of them, and place your phone down trying to stop thinking about Yoongi.

"Shower and water, now." you say to yourself focusing on the moment.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

The next morning brings a new sense of relief as it would have been the last day of work activities. Most important it will be just half of day, the rest being for the other people to visit your city on their own before leaving.

You get ready, read some e-mails on your way towards your first stop of the day, the coffee shop. This day required your favourite beverage, Iced Americano, before meeting with the others. After sipping the cold drink, you feel more ready to tackle this day, more prepared to block any Yoongi related thoughts.

At the office, everyone seemed to have the same need for coffee as you, as you found almost all of them around the coffee machine. Good thinking in getting your drink from another place. You greet everyone and try to wiggle your way to your place in the meeting room through the crowd. Not even placing your stuff on the table, you hear Hoseok asking you:

"It's october, I can't believe you bought an Iced Americano again. How could you drink that even now?"

"Hoseok, I already told you. This Iced Americano is the only coffee that I enjoy, so leave me alone and drink your bitter double espresso." You say in a jokingly manner, not realising Yoongi was behind you.

"Where did you get that?" he asks.

Startled, you give your answer, telling him about the coffee shop 10 minutes away from there. He looks at his watch and groans as you were supposed to start in just a few minutes the meeting. Yoongi takes the sit next to you and turns to face you: "Could you give me just one sip, I really don't like this coffee." whispers he pointing to the small cup in front of him.

You take your place and confused at his request you push your cold cup towards him. As he takes it from your hand, his fingers brush slightly over yours which brings some goosebumps up your arms. As fast as possible you start pulling out your stuff from your bag, looking down on your notebooks, sure that your cheeks were more rosy than the usual.

Yoongi groans a little after tasting the coffee "This is so good! You need to show me this place, Y/N?"

"I know, they have the best coffee. I'll give you the address later if you want to get one in our break."

He answers just with a mumble that you don't understand, getting another sip before giving your drink back.

For the next two hours of the workshop, Yoongi keeps on brushing in unintentional ways his arm against yours. You try to move yourself to give him more space to move when he explains his ideas, but somehow, each time he requires more space. By the end of the meeting you realise that you closed the distance between your chair and the empty one on your left. You sigh and think that these touchy people will drive you nuts one day. You don't enjoy being touched, you could even say you despised it. Not really, you like hugs from your favourite people and even cuddling. But with people close to you, not everyone. And this thing with Yoongi, it just fuels something that shouldn't be fueled.

The coffee break starts, you grab what is left of your iced drink and go to grab a mini croissant looking at the other people talking, forming small groups. You see Hoseok, Yoongi and other two people talking, and notice how Yoongi kind of retreats each time one of the other guys tries to touch him on his arm. You chuckle to yourself and wonder if he realises that he did the same to you. Your thoughts are interrupted by Hoseok who makes a gesture to join them. As you reach them he grabs your hand, telling the others how you don't like being touched by people, only if you know them for some time.

Once again you wonder what is with all these strange conversations these people have. You care a lot about Hoseok, but sometimes you want to punch him because making people aware of your quirks it's not on his employee responsibilities. But you knew him for such a long time, him actually being the one who recommended you for an interview at your actual company, so… you had enough time to get used to him.

"I am the same." answers Yoongi and it surprises you and start thinking if you should deconspire him or not. You decide not, but comment "Well, some people are more used to this and others are not. I think it's related a bit if you are in a relationship or not. If you've been in a relationship for a long time, it's probably more comfortable to be so touchy." You look at Hoseok, him being the first example for your statement. He nods and continues the talk, giving it a new twist. You've been always impressed with his way of making the conversation go into the whatever direction he wanted.

In your mind though, the thing Yoongi said about not liking being touched took a sit. The internal debate starting. He was so touchy, but he doesn't like being touched. Probably just lied, you think to yourself.

The rest of the programme passes smoothly, and at the end of it Hoseok asks how long everyone is going to be in the city. Most of them answer that they'll be leaving in a few hours or tonight.

"What about you, Yoongi?" Hoseok asks seeing he was the only one not answering.

"Actually, I'll be staying for a few more days to visit. If you have recommendation or want to plan anything, let me know."

"Oh, cool. For sure we'll plan something, I promised to show you to that Korean bbq place."

You follow the exchange in silence, until you hear your name called by Hoseok once again. "Y/N, let's organise with our team to see who would want to get together these days."

Nodding, you sigh at another event you need to be in charge of. It might be something informal, but you're so tired of so much socialisation. You just want a cozy night, some music and silence.

Maybe Yoongi felt your resentment that he announces that it could be the smaller team, no need in putting any effort into it. You look at him, smiling, grateful for his suggestion.

After all the other details have been discussed and all being done, almost all the guests left. You gather your notebook and laptop, getting ready to leave to your desk. By the door there is a small group of people still talking, as you pass by them you feel your elbow softly grabbed by someone, expecting to be Hoseok, you put your bored face: "What is it?"

"Hmmm."

Before you get to turn to look at him, you realise by the sound that is Yoongi, but the feeling stays the same.

"I was wondering if you could show me that coffee shop, maybe eat something there if they have any food?" asks him. You were hungry and the rumble in your stomach definitely approves his idea at the thought of those tasty sandwiches.

Your other coworkers get behind him: "What a great idea, Yoongi! We need to get some food, we're so hungry."

You follow the group who comes with new ideas for where to get lunch, finally deciding on another place.

"Hmmmm. Still, I think I want to get to that coffee shop. What about you Y/N?" "Yeah. I was kind of set on a sandwich from there and another coffee is more than welcome." you answer.

"Alright, then we'll meet back at the office. Yoongi, you're free to come also, if you don't have any other plans yet." says one in the group.

"Thanks, I'll think about it."

Now, with just the two of you, the conversation flows smoothly, with Yoongi asking about what he should visit next, where should he eat and what other activities you recommend until you reach the coffee shop.

He orders first "Two iced americano and two sandwiches!"

"Hei, I can order on my own." you pout.

"Well, I drank at least half of your morning coffee, so at least let me get that for you."

You try to convince him that isn't necessary, but he does not listen. Eventually, you give up, getting your food and drink and placing them on the small table next to the window. Yoongi follows you, sitting next to you.

"Why don't you sit in front of me? It's more space…" you ask, at which he just shrugs not bothering to answer and taking a bite.

"You were right Y/N, this place has great sandwiches and the best iced americano I've drank in this city.

You wonder "Have you been here before, in our city, I mean?" 
"Yeah, a few times."

"Then why ask for places to visit. There not that much to see here."

"Hmmm." again that hmm, which you need to recognise, you were getting quite addicted to it.

"I wanted to hear about the places you like, so… yeah." follows Yoongi looking into your eyes. Your heart skips a beat and your cheeks are definitely red. Not knowing what to answer, you mumble a yeah and sip from your coffee.

Almost done with your meal you ask: "So Yoongi, you're coming to the office after we finish here?"

"You want me to come?" you almost choke at his come at his question, wondering if you're insane or if he is indeed in a flirty mood. You feel the need to step back a bit and tell him that is his choice, not yours.

"Alright, but I'll see you this evening. We are meeting at that restaurant Hoseok was telling us about. Yeah?"

"I'll think about it, I still need to catch up with some work."

"Hmmm. Y/N…. " mumbles he disapproving.

"Alright, alright. Let's get going now and I'll think about it."

He pulls a large smile, and slightly nudges you with his shoulder. "Good."

The day passes fast, still wondering if you should meet with the other for dinner. Noticing your excitement to meet Yoongi, you wonder if that's a good thing or not. He is just a friendly person, and the attention he's giving you makes you overthink this situation. But by the end of the work day, Hoseok and the others just assume you're coming, taking you with them and it's too late to back off now.

Arriving at the restaurant, Yoongi was already waiting for all of you sited at a table of six. Why does he look even more handsome and at the same time cute in this dimmed light. You place yourself strategically on the diagonal side of him so you could focus more on your discussion started with your friends from the office. This dinner not being a project meeting, your favourite coworkers could join. You are feeling more comfortable in this environment, with people you knew for a long time, so you laugh, and you drink, bottling up the small crush that was unfolding in the afternoon. But from time to time you throw a glance at Yoongi, and all you could think is how adorable he looks laughing and enjoying himself.

Around 9 pm you decide it's time to wrap up and go home, this was wholesome and fun, but tomorrow is Friday, another work day. You announce the others and grab your bag to leave, taking a last look at Yoongi, knowing you might not see him in person for a while.

"I'm really glad you came after all, Y/N!" said Yoongi as he gets up to give you a hug.

"Me too, Yoongi! Enjoy your stay here and have a safe trip." he squeezes you once more before letting you leave.

Why do even his hugs feel great, you think to yourself while getting into the uber.

Your phone pings noticing you got a message, it's Hoseok. The text is stupid, just a line of question marks and you think he might had a drink or two too much and ignore him for now. But five pings later you check the chat again to see what does he want.

Hoseokeeee: ????????? It's something going on? You and Yoongi? What is going on? Y/N? ????????

You: ???????????? What are you even saying????

Hoseokeeee: The hug????

You: What about it? He was just saying goodbye?!

Hoseokeeee: Y/N????? I know him for more than 3 years. He never hugs anyone, he barely shakes hands with us

You: ????? whaaaat??? Maybe he just felt friendly tonight, will probably hug you too

Hoseokeeee: We left! NOOO HUUUG he did gave us a handshake, but yet I am really suspicious! (detective emoji)

You: Ok. Maybe if you didn't leave all at the same time, he would have hugged you

Hoseokeeee: I don't want him to hug me

You: Yeah, sure (heart emoji) But honestly, don't overthink it. Nothing it's going on

Now you are the one who overthinks it. Is something really going on?

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

Barely getting any sleep, the morning arrives and you're tired and groggy and in desperate need of coffee. A large Iced Americano for you today.

At the office you are glad everyone seems to be on occupied with their own business, not even Hoseok tries to open the last night discussion, not even at lunch. At least there's that, and you think to yourself that everything is fine and nothing is going on actually. But the universe has a funny way of blowing up your life conclusion, as a message from Yoongi appears on your screen.

Min Yoongi: Hi! Tonight there's a opening of this gallery, and has some paintings by O'Keeffe exposed. Would you like to go?

First you wonder how did he recall about O'Keeffe, you don't even remember mentioning this artists name ever. Second you panic and your mind runs at full speed. Thirdly you wonder if he invited other people and you glance at Hoseok's desks.

You breath in, get up and go to your friend, your always and forever adviser in this matters. You don't say anything, but show him the message. He looks confused at you, then checks his phone, refreshing the chat app.

He gets up and you take his place. "Hoseok, what is going on?!"

"You tell me Y/N?!"

"Does it seem I know. You two are friends, I am just the new confused girl. Did he ever told you anything? Please, think carefully."

"Well, it was this time… but no, I don't think it's related. Or that time…" he keeps mumbling things like that until it annoys you.

"Hoseok!!!!" It gets him out of the memory digging. "I don't even know what to answer."

"If you ask me, it's just a gallery visit. It's not anything to worry about, maybe he just thought you would be the only interested and that's why you're the only one that he asked."

"Okay, that makes me feel a little bit better." you answer going back to your desk. "I'll think about it then."

Hoseok leans back in his chair, studying you carefully. "You like him, don't you?"

You blink, caught off guard by his directness. "I… I don't know. I mean, he's nice and we get along, but…"

"But?" Hoseok presses gently.

"But he's from another country, and it's complicated," you finish, feeling a bit flustered.

Hoseok chuckles. "Complicated is your middle name, Y/N. Look, if you want my advice, just go. Enjoy the evening. If nothing else, you get to see some great art. And if something more happens, well, you can deal with it then."

You nod, feeling a bit more settled. "Okay, I'll go."

"You do that, Y/N." said Hoseok with a grin, but try to not pry into that. Hoseok was always a step ahead of you, having the overview of every situation. So if he thinks it's not a big deal, then probably isn't.

You: Hi! Sure, sounds nice. Meet you there at 8?

Min Yoongi: Awesome!

Your focus for the day was gone, your mind going at full speed about your outfit, hair and make up, how to get to the gallery and counting the minutes until the end of the work day. You felt excited, the only thing that kept you relatively grounded were Hoseok's words: "Don't overthink it." You opt for a black simple yet elegant outfit, something that strikes the right balance between professional and casual.

Arriving at the gallery, you spot Yoongi waiting near the entrance, looking effortlessly stylish. As you approach, he greets you with a warm smile.

"Hi, Y/N. You look great."

"Thanks, Yoongi. You too," you reply, feeling a slight blush rise to your cheeks.

The gallery is buzzing with people, all eager to see the new exhibit. Yoongi leads you through the crowd, guiding you to the section featuring Marino's paintings.

As you stand side by side, admiring the artwork, you find yourself relaxing and enjoying the moment. Yoongi's presence is comforting, and the conversation flows easily as you discuss the various pieces and their interpretations.

"Thank you for inviting me," you say after a while. "I really enjoyed this and the wine is good."

Yoongi turns to you, his eyes softening. "I'm glad you came. I knew you'd like it."

Baffled by his assured statement you ask: "How could you know?"

He doesn't answer, but comes closer to you, slowly placing his hand on your waist to turn you around to face a blue and green painting. You get a bit closer to read the name, with Yoongi's hand still on your waist.

"It's called Blue and green music, it reminded me of you."

You scrunch your nose, you like the painting, you like everything done by O'Keefe, but this is dark, complicated and being called that felt a bit weird. "How so?"

"Well, it shows passion, strength, vibrant vulnerability, all in harmony. I feel that's you." said Yoongi, looking ahead at the painting.

Feeling the warmth of Yoongi's hand on your waist, you take a deep breath, absorbing his words. The painting indeed captures a depth that resonates with you. "Passion and strength", you murmur, with your gaze fixated on the painting. "I never thought of myself that way."

Yoongi's eyes finally meet yours, a gentle smile playing on his lips. "Well, you are. Y/N. More than you know."

"Thank you" you whisper, your voice barely audible above the hum of the gallery crowd. "That means a lot."

His smile widens, eyes crinkling at the corners. "It's just the truth." He takes a step back, his hand slipping from your waist but leaving behind a trail of warmth. "Come on, there's more I want to show you."

As you walk side by side, the conversation flows naturally, each painting sparking new topics and reflections. His knowledge of art and every other subject that comes up, fascinates you. You even forgot about your thoughts about this not being a date, you really hope it is now.

Yoongi leads you to a quieter corner a small table is set up with some desserts and more wine. Grabs two glasses, giving one to you with a soft smile on his face. "Have you ever been on this building rooftop?"

"Yeah, a long time ago. Have you?" and he shakes his head. He takes your hand, leading you through the crowd and corridors until you reach a staircase that leads up to the roof.

The night air is cool and refreshing as you step out onto the rooftop. The city sprawls out before you, lights looking mesmerizing. You walk to the edge, letting this moment bring a sense of peace to you.

"It's beautiful." he says softly, his hand brushing against yours.

"It is, and the company makes it even better." you turn to look at him and notice a tenderness in his eyes that makes your heart beat fast.

He places a hand on your shoulder, bringing you closer to him. You raise a bit on your heels, but you stumble as someone yells in the distance that you're not allowed on the rooftop. You laugh and place a hand on Yoongi's chest. "You heard him, we need to leave."

As you step back into the gallery, both of you laugh about the interruption. The energy from earlier dissipated. You and Yoongi share a comfortable silence as you make your way through the nearly empty space. "Looks like we're some of the last ones here."

"Hmmm. It's been so nice. Thank you for joining me." mentions Yoongi as both of you step out of the building.

"Thank you for inviting me. I had a great time." You smile, feeling warmth engulfing you once again this night.

Yoongi hesitates for a moment "I don't want this night to end, but it's late and I don't want to ruin your sleep more as it's already 2 pm. But can I see you tomorrow too?"

Your heart skips a beat at his words and a big smile crosses your face. "I'd like that."

He waits with you until your ride home arrives. When he sees the car pulling in front of you, he leans in and gives you a gentle kiss on the cheek. He closes the door of the car behind you, waving as he watches it departing. You watch him until he's out of sight, your heart still racing.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

The next morning you wake up with a sense of anticipation and excitement. It doesn't take long as a sense of reality crashes over you, realising what are you actually doing. He is someone you work with, he leaves in a few days. The best you could figure it out is seeing each other a few times a year. Everything feels kind of hopeless. As you go on with your morning, this feeling doesn't disappear whatever spin you try on the matter. You even try to think about what would Hoseok would say. Probably "Don't complicate it and don't overthink it." It was a bit too late for that.

Last night was so amazing, it felt so good, you felt so connected to him, so interesting and appreciated. But now, the practicalities loom large, casting a shadow over the happiness.

Your phones pings and the screen lights up. Min Yoongi: Good morning. Want to grab lunch together later?

You: Yeah

Min Yoongi: Awesome!

You: There's a nice place in the city center. I'm sending you the address.

Min Yoongi: Great! See you there.

You don't text back, still with some remnants of anxiety. You decide to let it happen, not think about the future and to enjoy as much as you can this moment the universe placed in front of you.

Another ping on the phone follows.

Min Yoongi: Can't wait to see you again. (star emoji)

Why is he so cute, you sigh and smile, sending back the same text.

You hide your doubts, and cover them with a cute outfit in light colours. "You can do this, Y/N, you can do it!" you say encouraging yourself before leaving for the restaurant.

Yoongi was already there, waiting inside. His smile brightens as he sees you, welcoming you with a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey" you reply, feeling again that flutter in your chest, now more sure than ever that you are able to enjoy this.

The restaurant is charming, with a warm and inviting atmosphere. As you look over the menu together, Yoongi leans in and says: "You look amazing. Last night a black cat and now a white cat."

You laugh at his statement, you always thought he resembled a cat with his sharp eyes. "You look great too. And I think you're actually the cat here."

He chuckles at your response.

As you order your food, the conversation flows easily. You talk about everything and nothing, just enjoying each other's company. Yoongi shares stories from his travels, and you tell him about your latest project at work. The doubts you had earlier seem to fade away, replaced by the warmth of the moment.

After lunch you suggest, "How about we go for walk in the park, I think there is some immersive art installation in the nearby one." He agrees, seeming excited about the idea. The walk through the park is pleasant and as you reach the art installation you both start to fool around, feeling like children.

The first one you try is this huge piano that you can walk on. You jump first on it trying to play Twinkle Twinkle Little star, being the only song you know the key notes too. Yoongi follows you trying to help you with your song, but ends up crashing into you. You try to gain your balance, but he has other plans wrapping his arms around you before he falls.

"Yoongi, what are you doing?"

"What were you trying to play?"

"Twinkle Twinkle"

"That was definitely not it" he laughs brushing your hair of your face as you try to get up. You extend an arm to help him up too, he grabs it and doesn't let go, having you follow him in his steps trying to play the correct version of the song.

"Is this what were you trying to play, Y/N?" you nod, following his steps carefully.

"Now I know how to properly play this" you laugh as Yoongi pulls you into a side hug, leading you to check the other installations.

You find an installation that is called Dark Matter, and described as dark room, with meticulously composed soundtracks, fusing with gleaming shapes and colours. "This might take a while, but would you like to try it?" you ask Yoongi.

Both of you find seats in the dimly lit first room. It's pitch dark, and you can't see anyone else, but the rustling of clothes and whispers around you assure you that you're not alone. The anticipation builds as the music starts, and the play of lights begins to dance around the room. You're immediately drawn into the immersive experience, completely forgetting everything else around you.

Amidst the sensory overload of sound and light, you suddenly feel a gentle movement on your pinky finger. It's Yoongi's finger, lightly playing with yours in a tender gesture. He then wraps his finger around yours, intertwining them gently. Your heart starts beating fast at the small gesture and you stay like this until the end of the show.

Stepping outside the building you notice that the night was closing in, typical for mid autumn when the sun sets earlier. You take a look at Yoongi and hear his thinking sound "Hmmmm. I think I know how to solve our problem from yesterday."

"What problem?"

"The rooftop problem. There's a bar nearby on a rooftop, great atmosphere. Want to go there?"

"Sure, lead the way. You're quite the local. You know that?"

Yoongi laughs. "Not really, but I know some good places around." He gently takes your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours, making you blush at his newfound assertiveness over the past few hours. As you walk through the busy streets, Yoongi's hand in yours feels warm and reassuring. You contemplate how in his presence, everything seems to slow down and becomes more manageable. You steal glances at him from time to time, admiring his calm demeanor contrasting with the urban chaos around. Finally, you arrive at the bar. The entrance is tucked away in a quieter corner, yet the rooftop promises a good view. Yoongi lets you first climb the stairs, following closely behind. As you reach the top, you take a sit at a table next to the edge, giving you the best view. Mesmerized by the view, you affirm it "The view is amazing."

"I thought you'd enjoy it" Yoongi replies, a soft smile playing on his lips as he pulls out a chair for you. "What would you like to drink?"

"I think I might need something different than wine" you ponder. The waiter comes before you could decide so you let Yoongi order first, he gets some red wine.

"I see you have Hibiki, could I get some with a large ice cube?" this drink always made you feel a more confident in yourself and sweeps away a big part of your insecurities.

Yoongi looks at you with big eyes and a huge grin on his face, which makes you feel self-conscious about your drink choice. You recall how people often comment or poke fun at your preference, and now you feel the need fort that drink more than ever. You look at the city unraveling before your eyes to clear your head, letting some silence sit between you and Yoongi.

As the drinks arrive, you feel a surge of enthusiasm as you take your first sip. The fiery warmth of the liquied plays with the coolness of the ice, creating a unique sensation that you like. For you it's not so much about the taste as it is about that intriguing combination. Feeling satisfied with your drink and the courage it brought, you glance at Yoongi. He still gazes at you with those dark wide eyes, prompting you to say "Go ahead, you can judge me all you want, but I enjoy what I enjoy."

"I'm not judging you, I liked your choice." takes a sip of his wine, licking his lips. "Can I have a taste?"

"Sure" you push your glass towards him. He moves his chair closer to yours and settles down, placing his hand over yours, which is still wrapped around the cold glass. "Can I have a taste" he asks again, now a bit more clear, looking into your eyes and then down to your lips.

You feel flustered, goosebumps rising all over your body. Raising the glass to your lips, you try to mantain eye contact as you take another sip, letting the liquid slide down your throat. Everything seems to move in slow motion.

Setting your glass down, you feel Yoongi closing the distance between you. He hovers with his lips just above yours for a moment before pressing them gently against yours. The kiss is slow and tender, sending a wave of warmth through your body. His hand reaches your neck as he deepens the kiss. Your hand goes up to caress his face as you give access to his tongue to explore the inside of your mouth. It gets more passionate by the second, with the other hand of Yoongi going to your hip, making you slip a moan into his mouth. Getting a low groan out of him. You slowly start to feel out of air and as much as you don't want to, you interrupt the kiss.

Refiling your lungs with air, you look at Yoongi who appears still focused on your lips. Bringing his hand up your neck, you let his thumb gently play with your bottom lip. "Tasty"

You chuckle at his assessment, giving him another taste. This time, the kiss is more eager, both of you, trying to get as much as you can out of each other.

"I've wanted to do that, since I first saw you on Monday, you know?!"

Completely shocked by his words, you pull back slightly. "Don't look at me like that." he continues "I've been flirting with you for months, but you've been so dismissive that I thought it was a lost cause. Until I saw you in person. After talking with Hoseok about you, giving me some insights, I knew I had to keep trying. I am convinced now it was a good decision…"

"Wait, wait. What do you mean months? What about Hoseok? What are you even saying now?" you stop him from his rambling to bring you some clarity.

Yoongi takes a deep breath, rubbing his thumb over your hand gently. "We've been working together online for a while, and I've always admired you from a distance. I tried to drop hints, little comments here and there, but you never seemed to notice."

"What about Hoseok?"

"He and I talked about it, and he encouraged me to be more direct. He mentioned that you tend to not notice when someone likes you. He thought we'd be a good match."

You blink in surprise, processing his words. "Hoseok said that?"

"Yeah," Yoongi nods. "He said you were amazing and worth the effort. So, when this trip came up, I saw it as my chance."

In your mind all the mixed messages that Hoseok gave you regarding Yoongi started to make sense. He wanted to push you to try this thing, but not be too direct because he knew you'd get scared and run from it.

A mix of emotions swirls within you "I had no idea."

Yoongi smiles, and his eyes do too. "Well, now you do." He cups your face with both his hands placing a loud kiss on your lips.

The evening goes on, filled with laughter and tender moments. You both share stories of Yoongi's past attempts at flirting. He recalls a particular video call where he complimented your hairstyle, only for you to brush it off.

"Not going to lie, I was so frustrated," he admits, laughing. " I thought I was so obvious."

"Well, I guess I'm just oblivious," you reply. "I'm glad you didn't give up."

As the night goes on, the atmosphere becomes more intimate. You find yourselves sitting closer, holding hands, and stealing kisses between sips of your drinks. Yoongi leans in to whisper something in your ear, and his breath sends shivers down your spine.

"Do you remember the first project we worked on together?" he asks.

"Yeah, you were so serious and focused." you reply.

"And you were so passionate and creative," he says, his voice soft. "I knew then that I wanted to get to know you better."

After finishing your drinks, Yoongi suggests taking a walk. The night is cool, and the streets are quiet now, creating a nice atmosphere. As you reach his hotel, he says between kisses, "I want to see where this can go."

You look up at him, your heart racing, "Agree."

He smiles, leaning down to kiss you one more time before calling an uber for you. This kiss is slow and sweet. As a driver accepts your ride, being a few minutes away, Yoongi places a soft kiss on your forehead, whispering "Goodnight"

"Goodnight" you answer walking towards the spot where the car should arrive, with your eyes still on Yoongi. He starts walking towards the hotel entrance. In that moment something clicks inside you and press cancel on the ride, striding behind Yoongi.

"Wait", you call out, your voice trembling with nervousness.

He turns around, surprise and hope flickering in his eyes. "Y/N?"

You catch up to him, "I don't want to say goodnight just yet. Can I come up with you?"

Yoongi's smile broadens, and he takes your hand, intertwining your fingers. "I'd like that very much."

Together, you enter the hotel and make your way to his room. The elevator ride is filled with charged silence, both of you stealing glances at each other. When you reach his floor, Yoongi leads you down the hallway to his room. Once inside, you explore his room, passing through straight to the window. His room was situated on the topmost floor of the hotel, you knew it had to be a good view from up there. And you were right, the view was breathtaking presenting the city skyline twinkling under the night sky.

You notice the strategically placed couch in front of the large window, casting a gentle glow from the city lights. "Almost everywhere you took me this week, had a great view of this city that you might not know, I don't quite like. Was this planned?" you ask playfully, turning to Yoongi.

"No plan. I just enjoy a good view and I had a hunch you would do too." he replies casually, moving towards a small bar and pouring some sparkling wine "Feeling festive?"

You laugh, feeling at ease as you take a seat on the couch and wait for Yoongi to join you. The room is dimly lit as he settles next to you, handing you the glass. "From this spot you can see the Orion constellation, it's a bit cloudy, but you can identify the stars and connect them."

You smile, watching Yoongi's eyes fixated on the nightsky, makes you feel warm inside. Leaning in, you place a small kiss on the corner of his lips, catching him by surprise. He gaze shifts from the stars to you. Without hesitation, he wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. Both of you place your glasses on the small table in front of you. He gently caresses your chin, raising it just slightly towards his. You feel you could get lost into his dark eyes. Yoongi's lips brush against yours in a gentle, exploratory kiss, sending small electric waves in your body.

Wrapped in each other's embrace, you deepen the kiss. Drunk on his touches, you get more courageous, exploring with your hands as much as you could. And he does the same, caressing your waist, while he peppers small kisses on your jaw, going down your neck. You let out a small moan when he bites into your collarbone. Seems like he enjoyed the sound you made, biting the spot again harder this time. 
"Ah, Yoongi." The sound snaps something in Yoongi, making him grab and move you to sit on top of him. "I love when you moan my name like that." not leaving time for you to answer kissing your lips eagerly. His hands slowly pull your shirt to sneak beneath it, to touch your skin. A shiver runs down your back feeling his big hand holding you so close to him. His hand guides you to sit more comfortably in his lap and too properly feel how hard he is through your clothes. Another moan gets out of you at the sensation. Hearing him chuckle, you pull at his hair, putting some distance between you two. Allowing yourself for a moment to gain control of the situation, to kiss his jaw and lick at his neck, but it doesn't take long. His fingers start unbuttoning your shirt, getting quickly rid of it. His lips tracing lines along your chest and above your lacy bra.

Feeling on clouds with all the sensations Yoongi brings, you roll your hips onto his to get more out of him. You adore how his voice vibrates on your skin at his small moans and groans.

With a swift movement, he turns both of you around so he could be on top of you. You wonder how can he be so gentle and strong at the same time in his touches.

Before he can go back at licking and sucking on your skin, you try to pull his shirt over. He takes it off fast, allowing you to finally see him. His skins looks so pretty in the dimmed lights, and you can't stop to run your fingers on it, mesmerized by the view.

His attention goes back to your lips, kissing you with such fervor, leaving you breathless. His hand travels down, starting to unbutton your pants. Gaining access, his fingers starts rubbing over your clothed pussy. "You're so wet." he whispers against your lips. "I want to taste you, will you allow me?"

Nodding in approval, too afraid your voice will crack, you wonder how this soft person could be so assertive in this moment. But you can't ponder too much as his lips starts licking at your chest, then going lower. He pulls your pants and panties down in one movement, looking lustfully in your eyes. Without any hesitation he bites onto your thigh, licking and kissing the spot immediately after. Choosing several points to do the same thing, transforming you into jelly under his touches. Finally reaching your pussy, it slowly licks at first, but as your moans get more frequent and louder, he becomes more fast in his treatment.

Once again you find yourself moved by him, bringing your ass the edge of the couch, your back against the backrest. He kneels before you, rubbing your entrance with his fingers then bringing them to your lips to suck on them. " I want the have the best view when I look up from this beautiful pussy."

The sudden confession brings heat to your cheeks, bringing your hands to cover them. Yoongi groans in annoyance, as he pushes his first finger inside you, making you throw your head back at the sensation, forgetting everything about shame.

As he pushes another finger, you moan his name "Yoongi, fuck", and in your desperate need to ground yourself you run your fingers through his dark locks, holding onto them. Yoongi seems pleased, moaning into your cont, sending the vibrations through your whole core.

He spends the following minutes sucking your clit, alternating with biting it softly and with his fingers wrecking your hole. Your hips lift higher and higher to give him the best access, your moans getting louder until you finally come in his mouth, closing your thighs around his head. But it seems Yoongi doesn't mind it as he says "You're such a good girl, coming all over my face."

You're such a mess and you can't believe how those words turned you on so bad. Slowly Yoongi gets up, sitting next to you placing soft kisses on your face as you gather your breath. "You feeling good?"

"Fuck, yeah." you answer in between loud breaths.

He laughs at your response, pulling you into a deep kiss. "I'm feeling good too."

After finally recovering your breath, you slowly get up, wanting to return the favor, going for his pants, unzipping them. But Yoongi allows you just to undress him, before grabbing you into his arms and lifting you up. He places you gently over the soft covers of the bed, then disappears for a second, coming back with a condom in his hand.

"But I want to taste you, Yoongi" you pout, getting another laugh from him. "Not now, you don't want to upset me. Don't you?"

His demeanor in this situation makes you feel so hot on the inside, that you can't contradict anything he says. "Of course not."

"Then be a good girl and spread it for me"

You follow his instruction ready to feel his length inside you.

He pulls you closer to him, pressing his fingers hard into the skin of your ass, making your back arch at the sensation. Bringing your chest back into his attention he places soft kisses on them, before getting one of your buds into his mouth, sucking it.

You feel him pressing the tip inside, not realising until now how big he was. You wince a bit at the discomfort. He pushes in slowly. "Fuck, you're so tight"

"You're so big" you barely breath out the words.

He places soft kisses on your neck until you feel him completely inside you. Letting you get accustomed for a minute. You feel yourself pulsating around him, and wrap your arms around his neck. He places a gentle kiss on your forehead, before starting to move. It feels so good, despite the slight discomfort. But the pain dissipates, replaced by the pleasure. As he starts moving a little faster, you find his lips to signal you're feeling good.

That is all he needs before he thrusts deep, shaking you to your core. Your loud moan is followed by another deep thrust into you, and another, and another, and another until it becomes a rhythm of fucking you relentlessly. This feels so much better than everything you have experienced until now. Your mind goes blank, being able to focus just on his movement and his hands on your waist. A stupid smile crosses your face at the overwhelming sensation.

Once again you're being moved by him, turning both of you around so you're sitting on him. You thought he was deep inside you until now, but you were so wrong. The need to get accustomed to his size appears again, placing a hand on his abdomen to stop him from moving. "You're so fucking big, give me a second".

He plays with your ass, pressing his fingers into your skin and running them along your thighs, until you feel ready to move. You go up and down his cock, feeling your boobs bounce at the movement. Yoongi is looking completely hypnotized. "Touch yourself for me, baby."

Following his instruction, your left hand travels down from your boob to your clit, rubbing it slowly. And your right hand goes to his mouth, asking for some saliva from him. He sucks on your fingers, wrapping his tongue around them.

You pull them out just to touch your tits with them, pinching hard one of the nipples. Yoongi's hands guide your hips in your movements, pushing his cock deep inside you, establishing an insane rhythm.

Sounds from both of you fill the air, moans, groans and whispered obscenities.

"Yoongi, I'm so close."

"Yeah? Then be a good girl and come for me."

Yoongi grips your hips even tighter, thrusting hard, feeling him whole. You fall onto him, unable to keep your balance anymore, giving him access to suck on your nipples. Already lost in all the pleasure waves, you shiver hard when his hand finds your clit and plays with it.

"You're doing so good, baby" whispers into your ear and that was all you needed to come.

"Yeah" you cry out at how good all he says to you makes you feel. You start pulsating hard on his cock, feeling him coming inside with loud moans into your ear.

You take a moment to catch your breath before sliding next to him. He takes you into his arms, placing sweet kisses to your cheeks. You laugh softly, "It felt good"

He doesn't answer but catches your lips into a kiss so deep, and possessive, hinting at how good it felt for him also.

[pressplay-if]

I saw that the single mum route is the less angsty when it comes to family stuff. Which is lovely. However, it reminded me of something I was thinking the other day. I was trying to figure out what kind of depressive thoughts my MC may have (as I'm still deciding if he'll have depression or social anxiety). And since I always pick the single mother route (I love the idea of MC being the poor friend of the band), I got some ideas.

Basically, I guess my MC would feel a lot of guilt. He knows that his mother is busy with so much work not out of being a workaholic, but by need. Need that is significantly exacerbated by MC's existence. I do imagine a young MC especially feeling guilty and as a burden to their mum, since the poor woman has to raise them and work full time.

This is further increased as the years come by and MC decides to dedicate their lives to a band. A high reward but high risk kind of job. My MC could easily fail to achieve any major success. And then what? It's very easy to feel guilt. Maybe he should have tried to find a more stable job? Something to help his mother so she can lower her workload significantly?

Then again, I am sure my MC's mother would prefer MC to go after his dreams. So, I imagine, MC is also in a weird position where he also would feel guilt if he didn't pursue the music life. Because he is sure his mother would know, and she would feel bad. His mother could easily blame herself that her child is leaving their dream behind. And my MC couldn't bear such idea. So, he is stuck in a weird limbo.

Of course this may be just me overthinking. But it could be some kind of ideas that my MC could fester on his mind as he grows up. Since it's very easy to go from guilt to be burden, to guilt about existing, and then to decide to remove himself from life as that would, in a way, "fix the problem" (which is not true, of course, since suicide doesn't fix things).

Well, I'll stop rambling. This is perhaps a bit of a downer, so I understand if you prefer to ignore it. In any case this basically comes from me thinking a lot about my MC and this IF.

Why would I ignore it I love long asks. Although it does make me think that perhaps (given the current state of the hospitalization interlude) MC may need more options to describe their depressive thoughts. Bc in the interlude, it's all mostly symptom-based, and there's more screentime to MC getting better than MC experiencing the depression. This is partly for the sake of brevity (I'm worried about the interlude getting to long, given it's just another flashback basically, albeit a really important one). But the MC CAN in fact say they felt like a burden to their single mother in a later decision (not chapter 2, it's when they move out).

[speedybeta]

The sixth member headcannon was sooo good, pls make more 🙏

Being the 6th member of Beta squad Part 2

PART 1 , MASTERLIST 𖦹ׂ 𓈒 ／ ⋆ ۪

A/n: thank you guys for the likes on the first headcanon I appreciate it ♡

Warnings: none!! Switched up the style btw I'm improving

Being a member is fun but the thing that you hated the most was the amount of times you've been shipped with one of the others.

You'd definitely get shipped with Sharky most of the time. Sharky flirts with you the most while AJ does it the least

You'd constantly get called a "pick me" all because you're in the beta squad and the only female member but it's obvious the haters r just jealous

I imagine you having beef or something with a member from the sideman or amp as a joke (from sideman KSI and from AMP it would probably be Agent or Kai)

The other members of the beta squad definitely flirt with you a lot as a joke

"guess the gold digger (your name) edition they were a bit jealous watching while you went on a date with random men n that kinda made them realize that they all might have a thing for you

Kai cenat probably would have a little crush on you n try to make a move on you doing the Collabs

You were a guest on Kai's stream before, and just like tyla, he asks you out in front of the whole stream.. as attractive as kai is, you said no because he's obviously not looking for something genuine

Speaking of Collabs, they always made sure you weren't uncomfortable while collaborating with other YouTubers like the silent library video with amp

In the silent library video, of course some of the challenges were things you and the boys didn't really do on the beta squad, they of course said they'd switch cards with you in case you weren't comfortable doing a challenge

Like the weenie challenge, let's say you got the skull card and felt uncomfortable with doing it, they would of course do it for you

Living in the beta squad house was such a fun time

It was so hectic but fun

You felt so safe in that house

You kept the house tidy with the help of Chunkz

If you're a good cook, they'd beg for you to cook them something

Of course you would. especially for AJ since you didn't want him to order unhealthy food everyday

Whenever you were bored and one of the boys were home you'd just bother them like an annoying little sibling

Watching the lion king with Chunkz whenever you were bored and he was home (you guys watched that movie over 40 times together)

Brainstorming video ideas with Niko and helping him with videos for his channel

You and AJ playing video games together for house straight

Working out with Kenny or going with him for runs

You forcing Sharky to watch SpongeBob with you (just a random scenario I made)

They'd constantly come into your room just to annoy you (especially Niko or AJ) they act like annoying brothers who come into your room to move your stuff around, mess up your bed, then leaving without closing the door

So many arguments and bickering living all together

Even after you moved out, they'd still show up uninvited to your house

They always are there for you and never do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.

If you have anxiety or social anxiety the boys are always there to help you feel better

The boys know you so well, they can tell when you're feeling uncomfortable talking to someone. Like maybe a fan was making you feel uncomfortable, they'd jump into the conversation quickly and end it

If anybody ever tries to hurt or harm you during a video, let's say the pretending to work at a McDonald's drive through, they'd probably beat them up (mostly Kenny, Chunkz, Or Niko. AJ would stay close to you and make sure you're safe, I don't think AJ would jump in 😭 bur just like the video where the random hobo attacked the camera man and Niko and Kenny were there)

They'd Never leave you out or exclude you in stuff, they always invite you and never do anything without you

They always come to you for advice on girls since you of course give good advice (unless you don't)

If you're smart and always get questions right in the weakest link, quiz of the year, mastermind, etc chunkz would get annoyed for not being the smartest

Maybe back when you first started YouTube and met Chunkz and Sharky, fans would say you'd had a sibling bond with them (meaning you acted like siblings)

Niko definitely teases you the most. He comes up with the most random insults for you that make zero sense

AJ loves to bother you and acts like an annoying little brother. During filming, you two argue over random things which makes the videos more entertaining

Sharky flirts with you a lot. But besides that, he can sometimes act like an overprotective best friend.

Kenny and you laugh at anything and everything. Constantly hitting each other while laughing in videos

Chunkz and you break out into songs randomly. Even though all the boys tease you, he's second to tease you the most.

But you have a bond with each one of the boys, you have a close relationship with them all. There's no awkwardness between you and any of them.

♡━━━━━♡

I tried.. but thank you guys for the requests, I'm working on all the NSFW alphabets n everything else 💙💙 this was kinda random but I definitely would make three cause there's so many scenarios I could imagine 🐁🐀🐁🐀🐁🐀

[guillemelgat]

Language Goals 2025

As I said in my last post, I'm slowly getting better at figuring out how to set goals which both push me out of my comfort zone and which actually orient me towards what I'm trying to do. This year my main goal is to just remember how to be a learner again; I feel like recently I've gotten a little too in-my-head about how I need to be perfect before I speak, and actually this tends to be a problem I have in general - I won't talk to people unless I feel like I can talk perfectly, but that's not how you learn. I'm also trying to get better at setting reasonable timelines for what it takes to get to a particular level of language, which I have a better feel for at this point, and taking into account how much time I'm spending on the language every day (it shouldn't feel overwhelming if it's supposed to be a brief warmup). With these in mind, here are my goals for the year:

CATALAN

This year, I really want to speak Catalan with more people. That's the bottom line. I'm at a level where I need to be doing language immersion, and that means not being shy about not knowing how to say things or starting off the conversation wrong or any number of things (this historically has been less of a problem for Catalan with me, but for some reason I was absolutely taken out last summer and essentially went partially mute from social anxiety, so we're going to find out what was up with that and try to coax me away from it). I also want to learn to speak the Valencian dialect of Catalan better, and hopefully I'll get the chance to do that!

I'm planning to continue my reading challenge as well, but I'm going to make a separate post about that.

BASQUE

I want to improve my Basque vocabulary, and also my listening comprehension skills. I want to finish Eskamak kentzen and also watch/listen to more things in Basque. I think I just need a whole bunch of audio input - I know a lot of the words, but it's still very hard for me to parse them in speech. In order to improve my vocabulary, I want to do a quick vocab review every day when I get to the library, before I start my work. That way, I'll have a constant, easy, long-term exposure to a wider variety of words, and hopefully after a few months I'll start remembering some!

WELSH

I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with Welsh this year - I feel a bit directionless with it, so I might put it on pause until it feels like the right time to take it up again. But I'd also like to get more listening and vocabulary practice - I can understand large portions song lyrics without looking them up, which is a huge step forward for me. If watching Rownd a Rownd seems like the vibe, I might try to take that up again. We'll see, this one is more open.

MALAYALAM

Mostly, my goal with Malayalam is just to keep taking class, but also I'd really like to get over my fear of speaking. I struggle to pronounce a lot of the letters, and I don't know a lot of words, but if I work on these, I think I'd feel more confident. (I do also just need to feel okay with looking like a fool, though.) By the end of the year, I hope I'm able to have conversations in class or with my family without wavering too much, even if I forget something or mess up the pronunciation.

OTHER LANGUAGES

One main thing I want to work on is learning how to learn a small amount of a language but still being able to use it with people. There are a few different languages which I've wanted to learn for a while but haven't had the time - I'm hoping that maybe I can work up the courage to learn a few phrases, talk to someone, and perhaps learn a thing or two. This is very open-ended, but it's more a challenge for me to expand my comfort zone.

Aaaand that's a wrap! Here's to 2025 being a good year for languages, at least!

[obsessionatthemoment]

tell us your byler as parents hcs? (no pressure ofc i'm just curious!!)

Sure (a lot of them are really random)! Also, don't ask where some of this came from, because I have no idea, lol. My brain throws random stuff at me, then latches on, and I just go "okay!" and shrug.

Just going to do a list, because they're kind of scattered.

They have two daughters, which they adopted.

The older daughter is really passionate about dance, which they are supportive of (I can see them learning ballet terms and stuff). She also likes horror movies, which she watches with Mike, because Will doesn't like them after the upside down stuff. She likes music too, which she mostly talks about with Will.

The younger daughter is neurodiverse, and super imaginative. She'll enjoy pretty much any crafty, creative activities. She listens to the same music her older sister does, kind of like Jonathan and Will. When Mike and the older daughter (they have names, but I'm just going to refer to them this way) are watching horror movies, Will and the younger daughter will watch something animated.

Mike is ever so slightly stricter, however, just barely. When it comes down to it, neither of them are very strict (like as a little reference, it would take a lot for one of their kids to get grounded).

Will used to be way too lenient, because he was scared of being an asshole like Lonie, but eventually found a good medium.

Mike puts in a lot of effort to be way more involved than Ted was.

They are actually both very involved, and try to talk about emotions a lot to normalize it.

Will does their hair and stuff (more so when they were younger), because he used to help El with her hair.

Lucas and Max live nearby (they broke up after high school, but eventually got back together), and their daughter and Will and Mike's older daughter hate each other, no matter how much they try to change that.

Their younger daughter worships their older daughter, and even though the oldest is an angsty teenager that doesn't want to talk to them, she still finds time to play with her.

They used to do family game night, but stopped as their older daughter got more busy. They still try to do them if she has a bad week, or something.

Their older daughter is more shy and reserved, like Will, but is also secretly very judgmental and crabby like Mike.

Their younger daughter is very outgoing and social, but she struggles to make friends, which always pisses Mike and Will off. They try to help her, and make sure she's not lonely, and doesn't take it to heart.

They settle down in Rogers Park, Illinois, near the city, but slightly quieter.

Their older daughter is a really big perfectionist, and has some control issues. She ends up struggling with anxiety and an eating disorder, which reminds Will of himself. They're able to help her through it, because they have experience in this area. It takes time, though.

Little add on to the "talk about emotions" bullet point, they also all go to individual therapy, to normalize that as well.

When gay marriage is legalized, Mike and Will just get eloped, and when their older daughter finds out, she gets mad, because she thinks they should have done an actual reception.

That's all for now (I only started thinking of these today, so maybe in a week, I'll post more).

[juvenillia]

~ Death of Peace of Mind ~ 15: teasing

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x fem!reader

photo credits go to very talented @ave661

a/n: maybe I got a bit too carried away in this one but yeah, let me know what you think

CW/TW: mentions of loss, violence, jealousy, dubcon, touch/assault, use of petnames, guilt, regret

wordcount: 4.3k

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"So, you're doing it?", the female voice rang through the speaker. "It's a mission, of course I'm doing it.", your voice was determined but still a bit shaky. Maybe you were just too exhausted. The sleepless nights sapping on your energy. "We know it's a special operation, so we at least want you to choose your partner yourself.", Price’s voice was soft but still firm. "I'd recommend Riley." Laswell's words instantly let your stomach take a turn. You couldn't choose him for too many reasons. So many you totally wouldn't share with your literal boss. Still Laswell continued. "He would act on it with the most professional interests." - "But the mask." - "Even better. Nobody knows who he actually looks like and if it's an order he wouldn't even hesitate." You felt like throwing up. Price looked concerned at you but tried to keep his face clear.

"No, no way. I respect his boundaries. I'm going with MacTavish.", you answered bluntly and quick before the discussion could go anymore in a direction you didn't want to. "You sure about that?", Price’s voice was a bit surprised, but the situation was a special occasion. Such operations were never easy and never a thing because the 141 handled such situations differently. They had their own ways to get the insider information that was required. Mostly this way was harsh and bone crushing. But now they had an ace up their sleeve. They had you on the team, a woman. And therefore, a really beautiful one. That opened a new door of possibilities. "Alright. So, Sergeant MacTavish it is. I'll arrange everything." The line went dead, and you looked at Price. "You know how this op will go." - "I'm familiar with that kinda thing. Yeah. Gonna talk with him tomorrow." - "Thank you, Skadi." - "No need to thank me, sir. It's my job." Price knew that those missions were nerve-wracking for everyone included, and he swore to himself, that he would only sent you out on it if you were fine with it. "You know what I mean.", he simply added before following you to the common room to be reunited with the rest of the 141.

That was yesterday, and now you found yourself in the shared office, figuring the best way out to tell Johnny about his luck. Your mind was racing. Once for the situation that you again fell asleep in the common room and got carried back to your room by one of the boys. How Beth explained later it was Simon, again. Only the thought of the situation let your stomach ramble. No, we won't call it butterflies, we just don't. For the second reason it was definitely the whole situation you found yourself in. You didn't mind the operation itself nor the fact that Johnny was to be by your side. It was just the fact that you were never the type to enjoy social gatherings that much, especially such big and fancy ones. You hated it back then, the hand shaking, sweet talking and complimenting just to get approval and support from rich people which thought of themselves way too much. Back then you played already a role, but this time would be different and more difficult. Pretending to be a completely different person with a completely other life plus of course your beloved boyfriend, Johnny had to pretend to be. Invading enemy terrain to get intel in nothing more than a fancy dress which would reveal way too much skin. No gun in your hands, no knives strapped to your body. You would be served to them on a silver plate. Those missions were triggering your anxiety more than infiltrating an enemy base the offensive way.

"Slept well?", a deep teasing voice ripped you out of the haze your thoughts were. You blinked utterly confused at the Lieutenant who just placed a cup in front of you. Hot steam leaving it in dancing movements upwards till they vanished. You could see how his mask moved, and how he had to wear a smile beneath it. A deep blush made its way onto your cheeks. Since when was he so cocky with his comments? What did change in the last days? And worse did you do something embarrassing? Hells bells, did you speak during your sleep?

He let out a nearly inaudible chuckle while taking his place at his desk across from yours. Your reaction was enough answer for him, still he wanted to push it. It was only the two of you in the office by now, so he would take advantage of it. "Will ya keep fallin' asleep 'n me? Just out 'f curiosity." His voice was so cocky, so teasing. You wanted the ground to open and swallow you right now.

After Simon's anger about the intruder vanished, he saw a chance of being just a bit more offensive with you. Only jokingly teasing, only the way like you would do with Johnny or Kyle all the time. It wouldn’t change a thing he believed. He wanted to test the waters but seeing you all flustered and overwhelmed did something to him. And maybe there was a chance that you would call him 'darling', just the way you did with him. He didn't know how he would react; he didn't know what it would take you to grow this comfortable around Simon, but he would try to find out. Maybe it would be his doom, but maybe his elysium.

This was the moment Johnny walked through the door. "Good morning everyo..." - "MacTavish, just the guy I was looking for.", you yelled out and before he could react, you jumped up from your place, took the cup of tea Simon brought you in one hand and the other hand grabbed Johnny's wrist while dragging him outside. Shoving Kyle aside while he tried to enter the office and just looked dumbfounded after you two and then at Simon. The taller Brit just shrugged, usually the situation would kind of bug him, but right now, he was too satisfied with your morning encounter and started on the reports. A victorious smile well hidden behind the mask.

"So, yer gonna be my wifey, eh?", Johnny looked with raised brows at you, wearing a cocky smile. You dragged him into one of the empty briefing rooms where you explained everything to him. "Fiancée. And stop the teasing. Bloody hell.", you rolled your eyes while he nudged your foot with his. He stood in front of you, not too far away but also not really close, leaning against one of the tables. "Fiancée.", he repeated mockingly.

"We should talk about boundaries. Lines we shouldn’t cross, things we're fine with and things we're not.", you stated while crossing your arms in front of your chest. Johnny nodded, and suddenly some thoughts flashed his mind. Thoughts he pushed aside for now. Of course, Johnny knew how important that mission was, but he still was a teasing piece of shit. It took you a few to sort things out and to get him to take this talk serious, without any more teasing and jokes. You were professionals after all.

"That's only the emergency exit. Ya hear me?", you looked serious at him while taking the last few sips out of the cup and ending your talk. You did really go through any possibility that could happen. "Got it. And now we're talking about Lt making you, and only you, tea and why you didn't choose him for the fake dating mission. Eh?", he raised his brows once more at you, this cocky grin back at his lips. You felt the heat back on your cheeks and wished you could just throw the cup after him. Instead, you rolled your eyes and raised your hands in a warning gesture. "Already thinking about divorce now.", you laughed, and Johnny pouted jokingly before each of you went after the preparation for this special operation.

It was around six in the evening as Laswell helped you with your hair and makeup. She told you, that she always had to doll up her wife and you had to admit, she did an amazing job. You were standing in the bathroom of the fancy hotel just some blocks away from the benefits gala. Putting the jewelry and dress on, Kate had prepared for you. The jewelry was made to be your decent communication device for the night. It would keep you in contact with Price and Ghost who were arranged as guards for the gala. So, Johnny and you wouldn't be completely out in the open.

You slipped the dress on and cursed to yourself. It was tight just at the right places and hugged your curves perfect. It hadn't a huge cleavage, but a slit up to your leg, nearly too high for your liking. Somehow you were still glad that this fabric was divided there because otherwise you weren't even able to move properly. The silky fabric moved delightful as you took a turn in front of the mirror. It definitely wasn't something you despised wearing, you felt pretty of course, but you'd preferred your cargo pants and a turtleneck. You could say you felt too much like eye candy, but that was what you were supposed to be today. A decoy to attract the hopefully right persons to spill some intel.

You went with Kate to the room the boys were put to. Kyle was already on the computers to invade the security cameras, that you could be a step ahead. Just in case. Ghost seated next to him, wearing an all-black suit with a pair of unholy tight pants, and a completely black balaclava. Going through the process over and over again. Price was in the same suit, helping Johnny to adjust his bow tie. He wore a casual and elegant suit, that matched the color of your dress. Simon was the one to open the door for you and Kate as soon as she knocked and how happy he was to wear this god damn mask.

His breath hitched as soon as he laid his eyes on your figure. You just walked past him, trying to ignore the burning feeling inside of you. Your work brain needed to take over now. Kyle only whistled, looking astonished in your direction. You rolled your eyes while pushing your hands in your hips. "Zip it, Garrick!", you glared at him, and he only rose his hands in defense. "If yer saying something against my wifey I'm gonna end yer.", Soap said while slipping a hand around your shoulder. Maybe Johnny was already a bit to comfortable in his role.

Simon stood still in place, frozen, mesmerized by your presence. The only thing that brought him back was Johnny's hand on your shoulder. The shoulder that was stained with a fresh scar of your latest meeting with a bullet and guilt came up his chest. His eyes travelled down to your hips, the place where another nasty scar would stay forever now. Scars were part of the job, nothing special but thinking about how your beautiful body was stained with them.

Just then he realized how perfectly fitted the dress was. Literally nothings were left to the imagination, his imagination. His eyes lingered just there, hoping that his brain would be able to remind him of this picture as often as possible. He’d love to change the picture of your blood-stained body into this one. And he made sure to be as close to your side tonight as possible. "Fiancée. Johnny. Fiancée.", you corrected him annoyed. "Why is that even so important?" - "We need a good story with enough personal information to spill. Because only then people will spare theirs. We have to be convincing." Johnny playfully rolled his eyes at your correction. "Alright ladies. We must go!", Laswell clapped in her hands and Price pulled an identical balaclava, like Simon already wore, over his head.

The start of the evening went off smoother than expected. Johnny didn't leave your side, always having an arm around your waist or on your back. It was quite reassuring, and his constant presence made it easier for you to entertain the people. Johnny did most of the talking and you just had to look pretty. That wasn't hard at all. Plus, you always felt save feeling the intense glance of Ghost on you. No matter where you were, you knew he was close. Sometimes you couldn't even see him, like a real ghost hiding in the shadows. You wore an earpiece on the side that was covered by your hair. So that you could at least got some hints from the boys. No matter if it was from Kyle observing the whole place or your two guards. And it was somehow funny that wherever you looked all the waitresses and securities wore those masks. Of course, you were a bit disappointed when you found out that he gonna keep the mask on even now, still you didn't want to cross his boundaries, that’s why you didn’t choose him for the mission and that is the reason you told Johnny. From time to time, you heard Price's or Gaz' voice over the earpiece, commenting on stuff people said. Simon stayed silence most of the time. Johnny had no earpiece, because he simply had nothing that could hide it, so he had to promise to stay close. At least in the sight of Price.

It was in a moment when Soap and you weren't surrounded by anyone, just then you caught him. Simon standing afar, next to a pillar and staring continuously at you. But something in his glance was different. Was it a hint of jealousy? Your eyes met for a second before a genuine smile flashed over your face. Johnny stood close to you, still an arm around you his eyes searching for your next victim, and you couldn't prevent the words to slip over your lips. "Lieutenant.", you said calm averting your gaze to not make it too obvious. Leaning a bit further into your fake fiancé. He hummed in confirmation over the comms. Still staring at you, not daring to look away. Too scared that it would be a dream and the image in front of him would be gone as soon as he blinked. "You’re staring.", you said with the most teasing voice you could and just then you could see from the corner of your eyes that he abruptly looked away. "Just observing.", he cleared his throat. It led to a sweet and satisfied laugh. The game he started could be played by two.

"Says the lass that shamelessly checked his arse in those tight suit pants out.", Johnny's cocky voice was heard, and you instantly buried your face deeper in his shoulder. You hoped that nobody at the other end of the comms could hear him. He started to laugh and patted your back. "Yer secret's save with me. Dinnea yer worry, bonnie.", he smiled while your face was drowning in embarrassment and you just prayed to everything you hold dear, that Johnny would keep his promise.

The evening became a bit harder when you decided to split up, to get as many people to talk to you as possible. It was after an unpleasant talk with a way too drunken man, that you took a little break excusing yourself to the bathroom. He at least gave a few things away that could help you. Still, you felt a disgusting shadow creeping over your skin. Men were easy to manipulate, still you hated it. You just hoped the night would be over soon and that you could wash yourself clean with a cold shower.

As soon as you stepped out of the bathroom you couldn't help but felt another shiver run down your spine. Another guy seemed to have followed you, because just then you felt an unfamiliar hand creeping around your waist. You immediately tensed and needed to fight the urge to throw him over your shoulder. He lowered his head to your ear that wasn’t covered by your hair. "There is someone who wants to meet you, doll." It made your hair stand to an end, but you needed to suppress it. Whoever wanted to see you could be a very helpful informant. You were lucky that he couldn’t see your face that was coated in sheer disgust. He let his hand wander further down, and the feeling to just break his wrist became stronger and stronger.

But you weren't the only one that had this urge, just to the misery of the poor guy. Ghost snatched his shoulder and yanked him with full force away from you. He nearly growled at him before standing in front of you. Shielding you away. "Leave 'e lady alone. She's already expected.", he hissed through gritted teeth and the douchebag ran away as fast as possible.

You looked in disbelief at him as he turned around to face you properly. Making sure nobody else would watch, you glared at him. "What the hell?! He could have led to important information.", you crossed your arms. "That wasn't appropriate. I needed to intervene!", he only hissed, trying to keep his voice as low as possible. He would never raise his voice at you, still he needed to clarify his point. "I was completely okay... that's how those things work. It's the most efficient way.", you paused for a moment. You didn't want to scold him for something that would be the right thing to do, because indeed it wasn't okay how the man treated you. Still, he interrupted a chance of good information.

"You really need to let myself decide if I'm fine or not." Simon clenched his fist. He knew you were right, but watching how that guy touched you without your consent, without your approval that made him furious. Seeing the discomfort in your eyes. He wouldn't let anything like this happen, to no-one, but especially not to you. You could feel how tense he was; he didn't answer to your outburst. You sighed; one more look around before your arms dropped to your side. "You trust me?", your eyes searched for his and he nodded slowly, not averting his glance. "Let's agree on a sign.", you exhaled not braking eye contact either.

You went back in the main hall, still the burning gaze from Ghost on your back, you moved through the groups of people until you caught a word that completely caught your interest. "He changed since the incident." - "Well, Camilo was his brother." You took a place in the circle, greeting everyone with a sweet smile. Camilo had a brother. "He was his twin! You know how twins have this weird connection..." A twin, that made sense why you thought you saw Camilo running around that chem factory. Price and Simon assured you millions of times that Ghost took him out before he caught that bullet.

People started starring at you, so you took a sip out of the glass in your hand. "I heard from the tragic accident.", you chimed with fake sympathy. "Oh, my dear. That wasn't an accident.", an older man touched your shoulder and left his hand there. Squeezing it softly. "He was taking care of.", you looked faked bewildered at him. And another woman joined. "He even moved the plans back, you know, to grief properly. Even gave him a funeral after finding his body. So, he has a heart after all." You nodded in understanding. Just then you heard a static voice over the comms "We got visitors.", Price announced and soon you could sense a different group of armed men entering over the higher up floor. They also wore balaclavas, but they moved differently.

You looked with a worried face around, searching for Johnny. That's when the hand of the older man started rubbing circles on your shoulder. "Don't worry my dear. They're here to protect us. I believe there is an uninvited guest." He looked at you with those lust blown pupils and it made you sick. If he would call you 'my dear' one more time you needed to throw up. "Those uninvited guests are you. Maybe we should leave.", Kyle's voice rang over the earpiece while he tracked every enemy. "Those Italians are always so impudent, but family is their highest good."-"Aren't they Mexicans?" - "Mexicans, Italians, Brazilians, Spanish. Aren't they all the same?!", the old men next to you chimed and all around started to laugh. You forced a laugh out of your throat as you saw another bunch of armed and masked men approaching the lower level. Your eyes searched for Soap. Kyle was right, you had to leave now. "Excuse me. I'm missing my beloved fiancé. Will be back soon.", you stated before moving through the mass of people. Johnny didn't hear anything the boys said due to the missing earpiece. You needed to find him.

It was Price’s voice that helped. "He's at the west entry. Gonna make sure you leave save. Ghost take care of the car." You moved as fast as possible without drawing any suspicion to the place Price described and Johnny was there. Discussing eagerly with no one else then the man from your hallway encounter with Ghost. That wouldn't end good.

"Darling, I'm feeling unwell. You think we can go back to the hotel.", you chimed with a cooing tone while your hands searched his. He looked at you and gladly understood immediately. The man looked surprised at you and insisted of you staying a little while longer. Somehow you made your way to the hallway, the only thing that separated you and the SUV that brought you out of here. Price made sure the way was clear and Ghost sat in the car, engine already rumbling low waiting for you to enter the vehicle.

"He's still following you and it seems like he got friends", Kyle declared over the comms. "Shit.", you hissed out while walking in those fancy heels. "We aroused suspicion, especially with our sudden leave.", Johnny said while trailing close behind. A thousand thoughts were rushing through your mind. There was only thing that might help, you sighed. Your eyes found a little corner, and you turned, taking Johnny's wrist, dragging him with you around.

"Yo, Skadi, wrong direction.", you could hear Kyle over the comms. "Emergency exit.", is all you said before muting the earpiece and Johnny immediately understood. That was the first moment he felt uneasy tonight. You pressed yourself against the wall, wrapped your hands around Johnny's neck while bringing him closer to you. His face just a breath away from yours. You looked in his eyes and he nodded, giving silently permission and you closed the gap between you. Your lips brushing over his, a bit stern but still eager, the intense feeling couldn't be denied. His hands were frozen on your waist, till you took one of them and placed it over your thigh. The leg hooking behind his body drawing him impossible closer. It needed to be a good show for them to buy it. Johnny's grip on your bare skin was tight, as his lips moved over yours. It felt nothing like you remembered a kiss, but that wasn't even one of those lust filled actions. It was your emergency exit.

"Bloody hell.", Kyle breathed out in utterly shock, staring at the screen in front of him. "What's happening?!", Ghost nearly barked through the earpiece while the grip around the steering wheel tightened. "Even when I told you, you wouldn't believe me.", Kyle chuckled not daring to blink. Ghost stayed silent, but his heart was pounding.

The man went around the corner and abruptly stopped as soon as he saw the image in front of him. Every suspicion leaving him, as he felt uneasy to watch. To your luck, he had some respect for the privacy and intimacy you just shared. Well, that's at least what you thought. That was the second time tonight he should feel a misfortune. But you couldn’t care. He left you alone and that was all that mattered.

Johnny and you broke away and he looked weird down at you. Somehow his face was full of concern, and regret and at the same time his cheeks burned, and he smiled oddly.  “Keep it steady.”, you punched his chest while turning the earpiece on again and rolling your eyes at the Scot. "Just bought us some time. Sorry. On the way out now.", you said while walking back where you left your path. "Dinnea believe that this actually worked.", Johnny hissed a bit breathless next to you and you could hear Kyle joining with a "Same, you lucky bastard." You just rolled your eyes once more as you climbed into the back seat of the car next to Johnny while Ghost already navigated it to the hotel. You couldn't look at Johnny, so you simply stared out of the window. Johnny just stared into the distance in front of him. You agreed on it, you both did and still it left you in an awkward state of mind.

Simon's eyes trailed to the driving mirror, observant as always, he immediately noticed the stains of the red shade on Johnny's lips. His grip around the steering wheel tightened, letting his knuckles turn white when he had to force his eyes back onto the road.

"Good work!", Price said once more as he pulled off the mask, but all of you in the car stayed silent.

taglist: open just lmk

@yyiikes @saffronimagines @originaldeerhottub @illuminwtesz @killergoddess97 @kaelaiscool @spiritndrain @anothersimpsblog

[mrs-gauche]

Hey guys! 🙂 It's the end of 2024 and I realized today I haven't posted on here since finishing Veilguard.

Well, to make it short.. since then, I've spent a lot of time thinking about it, replaying it, watching my friends who are DA casuals and not into fandom play it (which was very enlightening but also hilarious 😂), so now.. I feel like I'm at a point where I know exactly what my issues with this game are and I've made peace with it. I still love Dragon Age! And I love parts of Veilguard and I had a ton of fun playing it (though probably for all the wrong reasons 🥲). When I first finished the game, I cried tears of happiness that after ten years my favorite character actually somehow got a beautiful Happy Ending and closure, but also tears of sorrow that this marks the end of the story that was set up back in 2009.. and tears of mourning that this story had all the potential to be so so SO much more.

Dragon Age is a very weird franchise in that all the games have been, in many ways, vastly different from each other and to be a fan of the whole series means to recognize all its flaws and changes, but still loving it because of its unique core elements that glue it together and make it so special. I could sit here for hours trying to put into words what I think went wrong with Veilguard, but I know many people have already done so far more eloquently than I ever could. This blog was always meant to be just a positive little corner to share my love for these games and silly VA stuff with other people and I'm sure I will eventually reblog all the two million posts I've liked over the past month, both positive and critical. But for now and the new year, I want to focus my time and energy on just being creative, getting back to drawing and trying to realize ideas about DA I've had for a looong time and that's my way of "emotionally recovering" (that sounds so dramatic 😂). 💜

With that being said... What a crazy decade year it has been for me personally in this fandom... So I want to look back at it, just some rambling under the cut, 'cause I'm a little sentimental now, I guess. 🥲

Before I created this blog, I was mostly just a lurker on here for many years, despite being a fan of BioWare games since.. uh.. forever? lol But I was always waaay too insecure about my English, let alone my own art. I also have social anxiety, so maybe that was part of the reason why I decided to finally create this blog at a time when the fandom was at its most dormant? lol (There is also a whole separate post for another day about how Mass Effect influenced me personally and how it made my biggest dream come true, the enormous honor to voice a few NPCs in (the German version of) Andromeda. Still the craziest thing to ever happen to me. lol)

So, seeing all the crazy excitement and the fandom fully revived this year and all these months leading up to Veilguard was both incredibly overwhelming, but also the most fun I've ever had as being part of a fandom! This year also marked the first time I posted my own art online and I can't even put into words how crazy it was seeing the response to that and I still can't believe that Trick Weekes not only commented on but also reposted it, that is still f*cking insane to me and I'll never forget the morning I woke up to see that. lmao

So yeah.. THAT happened. Followed by what I think has to be one of the weirdest, craziest marketing campaigns I've ever seen. lol Going back to 2022, we truly had it all...

A title announcement on a random Thursday that was probably done so that it would not be confused with the Netflix series announced a few days later. A tie-in comic more than a year before release that was... a little pointless? lol A vinyl collection that spoiled the composers a year before release. A title change literally two days before the first trailer. A reveal trailer that left many in shock because of its tone shift and complete lack of the former title character. A line of Game Informer articles that left us often times with more questions than answers. Every single article being deleted the very next month due to GI shutting down. An actor panel at SDCC happening right as Sag Aftra went on strike. A "fandom" party that had nothing to do with Dragon Age. Jason Derulo. An artbook that accidentally revealed the release date with its pre-order, which was then deleted. Twice. Memes about roadmaps. A second trailer that in hindsight probably should've been the first one. An audio drama by a different writing team with some baffling (but funny) lore mistakes. A combat showcase starting off with a disclaimer that "footage had been edited due to spoilers"... followed by THE biggest spoiler in literally the first ten seconds. The first IGN video with super spoilery dev commentary. A hand-on preview event with 140 people leading to spoilers galore... Did I mention spoilers? lol

That was when I stopped looking at stuff online, so I don't know what happened after that, but WOW, what a crazy ride that was. 🥲 Truly a DA4 Summer to remember and I'm unironically so grateful to have witnessed it in real time with all of you. 😂

Then finally, after ten flippin years of tinfoiling, speculating, reading crazy development stories and clowning around at every gaming live event, Veilguard was finally released and it will probably go down as the most emotionally charged Halloween of my life. lmao

Then it was time to actually play The Veilguard. Which took me about a month.

A month filled with what I can only describe as a crazy rollercoaster of conflicting emotions. Aside from everything having to do with Solas, I'd say my personal highlights of the entire experience was seeing Felassan (I screamed), the PHOTO MODE and even one hilarious "breaking the fourth wall" moment, where I would frantically run around in Elgar'nan's trap in "Blood of Arlathan", to a point where I would yell at the screen "SOLAS, I COULD USE SOME HELP NOW, HELLO???" and hearing his flippin voice literally two seconds later going "Yes, you called?" and I freaked out so hard I dropped the controller. 😂😂😂 Also, as someone who romanced Alistair in my first playthrough of DAO and brought him to the final battle not knowing he would sacrifice himself, you can imagine my flashbacks when I saw Davrin dying at Tearstone.. who I had romanced. 💀 Or the Dark Ritual flashbacks when I saw Morrigan wanting to talk to me right before the final mission. lol Getting the Felassan rune actually made me tear up a little. There are many little moments like that that I loved or that made me emotional, but ultimately.. Veilguard is a game that, for all the amazing graphics and cutscenes and flashy combat.. the more I think about the story and the lore (or lack thereof), the more I end up confused and trying to figure out what it is that's breaking the immersion to me in a way that the previous games didn't.

But anyway... I finished Veilguard, though the DA craziness of 2024 wasn't over just yet and I didn't know that the best was yet to come in December. lol

So.. Years ago, one of the main reasons I created this blog was to make silly "appreciation posts" about Solas' German VA and ramble on about my love for his performance.. I even remember making a post on here like three years ago talking about how I would sadly never EVER get a chance to meet his VA personally, because that man never ever goes to any fan conventions or public events. lol

Well... GUESS WHO I MET AT THE GERMAN COMIC CON EARLIER THIS MONTH!!!

YES GUYS, without sounding like a weirdo (because despite my obsession with voice acting, I don't care for VAs social accounts or anything beyond their work as a VA), but after years of jokingly referring to this blog as the "Ozan Ünal Appreciation Blog", and kinda the reason I made this blog in the first place, I finally met the man himself and it was probably the best friggin fan experience I could've wished for. 🥲🥲🥲

See, I've met a lot of different VAs at Cons before, who were all super nice and awesome to talk to.. but let me tell you, this guy has such an incredibly contagious positive attitude and charm!! lol Me and my friend were literally the last to stand in line at his booth before the event closed, there were TONS of people (there were quite a few VAs at the Con, but his booth had BY FAR the most people in line the whole day lol) and yet he made sure to take the time to talk with every single person, asking questions, was genuinely interested in our opinions, joking around and just generally SO FRIGGIN NICE. And he's just a very chill and funny dude? lol

And it was so funny, because there were SO many people and yet apparently I was the only person that day to talk to him about DA and Solas and he was SO excited about it 😂😂😂 (I bet like 90% of the fans talked to him about his VA work on Vampire Diaries, The Big Bang Theory, Gravity Falls and Nicholas Hoult lol).

And of course, because DA4 happened so recently, it was still fresh in his memory. He told us that he even watched some Let's Plays and asked what we thought of the game and I'm still laughing so hard, because he was literally like "Oh yeah, the lore is MASSIVE and it was so overwhelming and I could barely keep up with it, the whole time I had no idea what I was talking about.. like, what exactly IS Mythal??" LMAOOO His performance for Solas was so good and so convincing and now I'll always have to picture him standing in the recording booth, no flippin clue what he's actually talking about. lmaoo And then my friend was pointing at me like "She's actually a walking lore encyclopedia" and then he was like "Oh, you should've been in the booth then!" lol

And I'm actually quite upset on his behalf now, because he also told us how, when the English VAs were officially announced, he had actually made a post on social media about how he was returning for Solas in DA4 and how he got in so much trouble for that because EA told him they were going to make an official announcement.... AND THEN THEY NEVER DID??? Like, I was desperately waiting for an announcement about the German voice cast and they simply never made one, we literally had to wait for the credits to be published? (Also, the German and French version have only one female and one male voice for Rook and no one knows what happened there, we tried to contact them about it, but no response so far?? It's like they don't even care.) That's EA for you...

Anyway, we then chatted a bit more about his other work and stuff and he recorded an audio for me (I actually got him to say the "Vir shiral malasa, bellanaris" GUYS AND IT SOUNDS SO GOOD, like I was so nervous, asking "Could you do elven..?" and he was like "Sure, it's been a year, might be a bit rusty" and then he just knocked it out of the park?? lmao So I have both Lavellan's AND Solas' WEDDING VOWS NOW. 😭😭😭❤❤❤❤❤)

So yeah, that was my meeting with Ozan flippin Ünal and what an awesome guy and amazing VA and what an "epic conclusion" of this year of the Dragon (Age) 2024. lol And the timing feels so strange now, because, in a way, it feels kinda like coming full circle?

Like I said in the beginning, for years I was always mainly a lurker in the fandom and the reason why I created this blog was to join in on the hype/speculation train for DA4 and to talk about Solas' German and French voices and share my silly edits and gifs. And now I've played Veilguard AND I've met Ozan Ünal.. both things that, at some point, I wasn't sure were ever going to happen.....

So.. In terms of my fandom experience, this year was crazy and whatever 2025 brings and whatever happens with this blog or DA in general... I love this fandom (especially my little Solasmancer bubble <3) and I love Dragon Age and whoever's reading this, here's to 2025 and I hope you have a Happy New Year!! 💜💜💜💜💜

[sleepywriter00]

Writeblr Intro!!!

Hello lovelies! I just realized I never made one of these and thought that I should give it a go lol.

You guys can call me Sleepy or whatever you want (as long as it's not deprecating IDC) i'm a 23-year-old bisexual white woman and live in the US.

My pronouns are she/her but if you call be dude or whatever I don't really care.

I have ADHD and social anxiety. I have been writing on and off since I was in middle school and only just started getting serious about it last year.

I have one finished story that you can find on Wattpad called "My Knight in Leather " though it is my very first finished story so there are some plot holes and all that jazz throughout it im sure lol. I'm still proud of it though.

If you want to find me on Wattpad my username is the same as on here sleepywriter00.

I write mostly romance, but am looking into writing a fantasy romance soon, but that really depends on when the inspiration strikes lol.

I'm not a very interesting person, but if you want to know more about me or my WIPs, my asks are open!

Love you all and have a great day!