#but still i am mortified!!!!!!!!
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me when i have a panic attack at my friends funeral lol! lmao even!!!!!
#i mean it was at the Outside Part not during the service#so a little less embarrassing ig#i went behind the building and the only person who saw me was a guy who worked there and he got me a glass of water#thank u to that man#but still i am mortified!!!!!!!!
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A Series of Small Offerings
PART ONE -8- The Way That You Were
To tear that knife from what once / Would have been dead fingers
I have. Struggled a lot with this one, but I am glad it is done. I've had this idea rotating in my brain for a month and I have tried starting it at least 3 times both traditionally and digitally before I decided to turn it into a cut out, because I feel the most confortable making cut outs, actually.
HUGE, ENORMOUS shotout to @copper-sands / @ancientbygone for being my hand anatomy expert!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Without it this piece would look way worse <3
#me: hey let's stop having hand-related ideas for the small offerings maybe#also me: okay. so how about a piece with 6 hands in it-#come to think of it. the ghost hands would look better digitally but oh well#a series of small offerings#sleep token#sleep token fanart#alex vs the mortifying ordeal of having her art perceived#if you were wondering i am still shit at editing <3#and now the warnings#blood#suicide#suicide attempt#implied suicide#self-harm#self harm#cw: blood#cw: suicide#cw: implied suicide#cw: self harm#pls let me know if i forgot something#ALSO SORRY LEVYNN THAT I POSTED AFTER A LONGER BREAK AT THE SAME TIME I SHOULD'VE CHECKED TUMBLR BEFORE POSTING
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Katana’s gracious fucking chest vs my art style and dignity. Also Prince has more detail than him.
Me struggling on Medkit: Why am I struggling on this guy???
Then I remember.
#my work#my art#traditional art#I was practicing colors#my biggest struggle with Medkit was his hair bc I didnt like my design for him#also the light on dark stripes.#Funnily enough#I said I wasnt going to detail Prince. then I detailed Prince#and Princess is just a dark blob#OH MY GOD HYPERLASER’S NAME#I AM STILL MORTIFIED#HELP ME#I KNEW IT WAS AN S INSTEAD IF A Z#I FUCKING KNEW IT#AND I STILL WROTE IT WRONG#i’m still not over it#I was actually going to draw Biograft but I did Katana and Hyperlaser#so i was obliged to do Medkit to match Subspace#Also it was (Shuriken) Subspace Katana Hyperlaser and Medkit#in order of being drawn#i didnt like my Shuriken drawing though so I slapped a sticky note over it#Phighting!#subspace phighting#phighting subspace#katana phighting#phighting katana#hyperlaser phighting#phighting hyperlaser#medkit phighting#phighting medkit
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Kate's reaction to Time and Again was, "I wore this?" 🤣
#no memories just vibes#have it janeway#Robbie and Garrett were all over it though lol#I keep vaccinating between tickled and mortified by the cringe factor#I don't remember which stories I wrote up from last weekend#did I put up pics of the whole look??? idek#def don't expect them to remember some random Tuesday at work 30 years ago#I can't even remember what work clothes I wore like 10 years ago#I didn't even know what day it was I am fully back in the timeless void y'all#me 'I'm sorry to be talking to you about something so serious while wearing something so ridiculous'#yeah still leaning more mortified honestly I am embarrassing#not posting more videos but I still have stories#maybe I'll shut up eventually but that day was not today
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When you grow up, you might feel afraid that you would hate your older self if you met them. It's weird to imagine that you could be so different than who you are now.
I think it's freeing, though, to have grown so much that you would almost be unrecognizable. There are still glimmers of who I was in the mosaic of who I am today, but I have grown and developed in such a way that... I am not just me anymore. I think that's a big aspect of growing. You won't always be this way, and that realization can make it easier to embody everything you want to be because now you aren't chained to the idea that you can only be one way, that you are beholden to everything around you.
#positivity#encouragement#encouraging words#somebody i watch on youtube spoke a bit about this and said something i thought was really apt...#...it was along the lines of 'your younger self would be MORTIFIED if they saw you today but you're happy and it doesn't bother you'#'you survived and grew and now you're free and you don't care that you are who you never thought you could be - you're at peace'#that's such a weird paradox almost... but it doesn't stop you from the freedom of growth#if my younger self would be mortified and mystified by the fact i even COULD turn out this way... maybe that's not a bad thing#like my younger self would be mortified that i am still alive because i didn't want to live back then#and now... i mostly DO want to stick around and the angst i felt about the world has dissipated and now i love this stupid planet
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MCFLY JULY ‘24 ⸺ 「 25 / 31 * THE HONEYMOONERS 」
[Date Unknown] 1985A Timeline
Five…six…seven…
Thunder booms, rattling Heaven and Earth with its might. Count the seconds between the flash of lightning and the crack of thunder and it'll tell you how far away the storm is.
Two miles, maybe.
It feels like it's right on top of them.
The ground shakes beneath them, rattling her bones so hard she can feel it in her teeth, and rather than run for cover, she turns to George sitting on the grass beside her, pressed up against a rock, and nestles closer.
“It feels like every time we try and do something, there’s a terrible storm.” Lorraine smiles, but it never reaches her eyes. “Our first dance, our honeymoon—don’t you remember?”
Sighing, Lorraine closes her eyes, losing herself to the grainy film reel of memory rolling behind her eyes. Even soaked to the bone, his clothes clinging awkwardly to him, George was a vision—a dream—and his almost pathetic wet puppy-dog expression made her heart soar. “By the time we got to the hotel, we were soaked. You nearly walked into the door; you couldn’t see anything with your hair in your eyes like that! I had to keep brushing your bangs out of your eyes while you carried our bags.”
George smiles, indulging the trip down memory lane with a gentle squeeze to her hand. He’s cold again, Lorraine thinks distantly—he’s been terribly cold lately, as if the sun has refused to touch him, angry with him for some perceived slight against it—but that doesn’t bother her.
She’ll keep warm enough for both of them. Light that fire in her chest and her stomach and stoke it until he leaches every ounce of warmth through her fingers for himself and his cheeks glow with it.
It’s all for him, anyway.
“That was one of the happiest nights of my life. I can’t believe you thought you ruined it just because of a storm. ‘We must be cursed, Lorraine,’ you told me, and I thought that was one of the most ridiculous things I'd ever heard. Even more ridiculous than when you told me about Darth Vader.”
“But that—”
“Really happened, I know. I believed you.”
“Eventually.”
“Eventually.” Lorraine chokes on the laugh she tries to force out. The first drops of rain pelt her cheeks and she uses her free hand to furiously wipe them away, ignoring the stinging sensation on her skin.
“We should go inside—the storm’s coming. You’ll get soaked.”
Lorraine shakes her head furiously, squeezing George’s hand so tight her nails bite deep into her palms, drawing blood. The wind sighs as it whips her messy hair around her head, knowing there is no changing her mind.
“I don’t care about the rain. I like sitting out here with you. It’ll be just like all the other times, won’t it, George?”
Just like all the other times.
Just like last time.
A second wave of burning rain bites at her cheeks and George lets go of her hand to gently drag his thumb across her cheek. Lorraine chokes back another sob, her shoulders trembling with the effort it takes to keep herself composed.
Her cheeks are still burning. The earth smells like petrichor.
The next crack of thunder shatters her composure, leaving her ears ringing. Lorraine’s shaky fingers fumble at her pocket as she curls her fingers around the crystal clear flame protected within, sloshing around in its container.
George never did get wet when it rained.
#mcflyjuly#mcfly july 2024#back to the future#bttf#i'm not good at writing fluff flavoured things and i wanted to incorporate the idea of people being on their honeymoon SOMEHOW#do i think lorraine visits george's grave often? yes absolutely#the undisclosed date is the date of their marriage - she's here on their anniversary come to visit him again#and she's still grieving of course - she loved george so much and he loved her and now he's gone and now she's living this hellscape#and she is not okay at all#and i love the idea of storms - especially in 1985A - being symbolic for them in a way. both good and bad.#it stormed on the night of the dance and they fell in love - it stormed (in this timeline) on the first two days of their honeymoon#and they were soaked - lorraine was about it - george was mortified and she reassured him that she was having a wonderful time anyway#and at least in my hc for it - it stormed the night biff shot george and they found his body#or they think it's a storm anyway. could've just been the thundercrack of a gunshot being fired that rattled hill valley#who knows!#then it stormed when our marty shows up and the thunder cracks overhead in the cemetery...#i like storms okay they're big recurring themes here fjal;sdfj#this one's a mess but hey - all my prompts have been eyyyyyy#also i am an absolute sucker for loving somebody so much and they're never really *gone* and so you see them sometimes#whether that's a blessing or a curse who knows
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if you think abt it doesnt monika from ddlc just. only like us for being real?? doesn't that mean she just doesn't like us for us (and tbh she doesn't really know that much abt us to begin with so i kinda get it?) ?? so then it's like did monika ever really like someone or was it all just infaution? or like feeling an actual genuine connection with someone? i remember her saying smth abt how life felt like it was in black and white and how it was implied how if monika never met us she would.. y'know.. that. yeah.
i should stop getting in so many fucking fandoms sorry guys this will happen again (not really)
#idk smth that popped up in my mind#i don't really see people talk abt this either??#am i being stupid or like..#ALSO NOBODY EVER TALKS ABT MONIKAS “ok but theyre not real argument” LIKE I GET WHERE SHES COMING FROM BUT LIKE. NO. THEY'RE REAL. THEY'RE#JUST NOT AWARE ABT EVERYTHING? like natsuki reacting to that one yuri scene and whatnot#instead of her like.. just blankly staring at it she was (rightfully) mortified. they still had personalities. even if its all cliches.#IDK MAN AM I OVERTHINKING THIS?? HELP#ok actual tags now i keep. forgetting to do that.#ddlc monika#ddlc yuri#ddlc sayori#ddlc natsuki#doki doki literature club#doki doki monika#ramblings#if i AM being stupid then uh. damn. that's embarrassing.#i dont really tend to ramble abt this shit on like. other social media that isnt discord
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I'm probably going to regret posting this and might delete it at some point, who knows, but I want to get this off my chest. I'll probably regret doing this on a public post on Tumblr later.
Is it weird to miss someone who you've only talked to briefly on here who deactivated their account for a reason or another, and since you don't know if there's any other social media out there they have along with the fact that you still didn't talk to them much, you'll probably never encounter them again?
Because that happened to me. I found an account by chance while perusing Tumblr, and I was interested in what posts were on there despite them being 18+ and NSFW. I honestly liked the content when looking through it and I even sent a message through the ask function admitting as such despite being unusually shy for some reason, maybe because at the time I didn't post anything (until my rant about my girl Alyssa Targaryen not too long ago) and I usually prefer to keep to myself.
I admittedly wasn't sure what the response would be and suddenly I felt like the biggest shrinking violet on the planet at the time. It was probably because it was the first time I had ever sent an ask on anyone's account, not to mention this was probably the first guy I reached out to on my own initiative outside of those I was already comfortable around on Discord. I was so nervous and to a certain extent, scared, because even though I was 22 at the time I never knew I could be so shy. I must have been pretty red in the face from my shyness too.
But he reached out to me about my ask through Tumblr's messages function, and he was honestly really kind. In the first message he sent to me, he thanked me for the kindness in my ask, and I was so surprised that he directly reached out to me that not only did my shyness kick in full force, I admittedly didn't respond to it for a month. When I finally responded, he understood I was shy for reasons I couldn't explain at the time, and surprisingly, despite my shyness still lingering, I felt comfortable around him. He assured me that he didn't feel uncomfortable about the fact that I liked a lot of his posts, which I was feeling really conscious about and had admitted to him. I felt like I could come out of my shell at least a bit, open up a little, at least to the point where I was willing to keep talking to him if we could. There were times where there were bumps in the road, where I wasn't sure if we had gotten off on the wrong foot or something or I was wondering if I was annoying or a load because of a tendency to just run my mouth at times, but overall I honestly enjoyed talking to him and his company even if it was solely through Tumblr's messages function.
However, it wasn't for long. We only talked for a few months, and even then, it was really brief and spread out partially due to different time zones. He was dealing with a lot of hate from anons who knew they could get away with it because they could hide behind screens. It was one of the key reasons if not the key reason why he eventually deactivated his blog, last year actually, and probably hasn't returned. Our final exchange, in October last year, was me wishing him luck since he was deleting his blog and possibly not returning, and he thanked me and wished me the best as well. And we both moved on with our lives.
But here's why I think I'm weird when concerning this topic and for even writing all this. It's because somehow, I miss him and feel a wish to reconnect with him and talk with him again. Aside from us talking very sparsely, I'm not sure if we even really knew each other after our message exchanging. As a result of all that, I feel like I shouldn't miss him. Yet I do, and I feel a strange desire to reconnect with him and talk with him again. I try to quash those feelings because not only will it probably never happen, to an extent I feel like it doesn't feel right to miss him and want to reconnect with him after only exchanging messages with him briefly and it being almost a year since he left.
Oh boy, this was practically an essay. While I do feel a bit better about getting this off my chest, I'm probably going to be cringing at myself for this and considering when to delete it as well. It scares me a bit, the fact that even though I didn't mention the person's name at all, someone might still figure out who I'm talking about and somehow get it to him. Well, it's still up in the air as to whether this is going to be deleted or not, but it all depends on how much I regret posting this and how mortified and conscious I feel at least a bit later over even writing this to begin with.
#personal#thought vomit#if the person I talked about finds this I'll probably be so mortified I'm going to wish the ground opened up beneath me#I never thought I would post again but then again this could be deleted if I feel too conscious about what I wrote#does this count as baring a part of your soul#I don't know if the person I talked about still lurks under a different account but if he finds this I will feel incredibly mortified#I never thought I would talk about this person but I guess I may regret doing so later because this post will probably be everywhere#if this is deleted later it's because I feel extremely mortified over this post and am probably weird for even writing it to begin with#I kind of hope the person I talked about somehow doesn't find this post because he'll probably figure out I was talking about him here#he might though and it scares me#I didn't mention his name but someone's going to figure it out eventually and that also scares me#might be deleted later#if anyone somehow figures out who I was talking about in this post please don't mention his name#personal thoughts#emotions#thoughts#feelings
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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Do you know how embarrassingly long it took me to figure out who Dora is in Hades 2
#just one day I was like huh really the only fact we know about her is that she is older than all the other shades#who’s a really early human in Greek mythology?#a perverbial Eve if you will…#I’m… mortified#00#hades 2#It’s been MONTHS#Ah Moros said she’s not the oldest one here but still very old#what am I going to do now#hades game
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rereading the mortifying ordeal and seeing tommy mentioned like oh isn’t this awkward lmao (honestly who could’ve guessed)
I know right 😭😭
Legit I like basked in the episode and then 10 minutes later was like "....... well shit."
This is what I get for wanting Tommy to come back... I jinxed myself 😅
(Totally worth it though - Buck and Tommy are adorable together and it's not like my story isn't already an AU anyway!)
#911#the mortifying ordeal#i was jossed#is that still a phrase people use in fandom or am i now showing my age?
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it was supposed to be only in pencil, like the previous eepies, but that paper is terrible for pencils, so i gave up
#sleep token#sleep token fanart#god i hate this one but hey#it's still sth i've had fun making 🖤#still. BEGONE FROM MY DRAFTS so i can forget about you#(my old self would throw this drawing away but i am working so hard on myself rn)#(i still cringe while posting it though)#alex vs the mortifying ordeal of having her art perceived
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Good morning I made a mistake regarding the Spanish alphabet while on a call with my boyfriend.
Spanish. The language I am currently studying.
The language my boyfriend happens to have known for his entire life.
(I thought “v” was “ve” and not “uve”)
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seeing the little "mutuals 👥" thing in my notifs is so scary. like WE ARE?!? since When????
#🧍♂️ erm#mortifying ordeal of being followed by cool people who see my posts#if i follow you first!! i am your biggest fan!! not your friend i don't deserve it aifjfjfjdndjdndmdm#uuhm. idia moment. explodes#chatter#if i follow you Back i'm still your biggest fan it is just scary for no reason. i always get nervous sjdndndmd
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seeing my friend tomorrow for the first time since December, so she will ask what's new, and what am I supposed to say to that? 🤔 I mean she already knows the big life stuff (the move and everything), and I haven't done anything else since then... sooo. how do I stop myself from talking about John Larroquette for 30 minutes? 🤔
#I need to figure out a strategy#maybe just. tell my husband to be around when she first gets her and. I don't know physically stop me from speaking or something#maybe carry me out of the room if that's not enough#it's gonna be tough#I mean she knows I'm insane. she saw me literally sob when I was obsessed with Rick Astley. so she knows I am not normal about these things#but still. it's embarrassing!#and also! she's coming here to my in-laws' house so... she is gonna see my paintings so she will definitely ask who the guy in all of them#is so I won't be able to avoid the topic 😬#well. I can also tell her about all the dolls that I bought since she last saw me :) that's also a very normal thing that I'm not insane#about at all :)#but hey apparently she thinks it's entertaining when I get like this so. I'll be mortified but at least she'll have fun :)#personal
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#just finished chapter 12 of ruin and rising and i am UNWELL#obviously i knew this would happen thanks to the ending of season 2 of the show#and i've been lowkey spoiled about it in my thirst for more content but STILL#i didn't expect it to happen yet i thought it would be at the end??#DEVASTATION REIGNS#WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO MY BOY???#'i kept thinking of nikolai's torn trousers and had the foolish thought that he'd be mortified to see his clothes in such a state'#<-DID make me laugh though because he absolutely WOULD that cocky little bastard#i have a very bad feeling about how the king of scars duology ends thanks to what i know about it so far#and i really don't know how i'm gonna handle it :(#grishaverse#shadow and bone#nikolai lantsov
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