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links-in-time · 6 months ago

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Sword and Dagger

This fic is for @mmelete and anyone else who wants to see some reconciliation and comfort between Legend and Warriors. They are two of my favourite LU boys and I wish they got along more in people's fics.

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"LEGEND!" Warriors voice rang out across the camp.

A smile curled the corner of the Vet's mouth as he continued adding wood to the fire. He managed to surpress his laughter. This was going to be hilarious.

The stomping of boots grew louder as Wars stormed across the clearing towards where Legend was kneeling by the fire. Something solid collided with Legend's shoulder, hard and fast. He dropped the last branch he had been holding and clutched at his arm. Looking down he saw the offending projectile. A squat brown glass jar filled with clear gel.

"Ouch!" Legend grunted, rubbing furiously at his new bruise. "What the fuck?!"

"What the fuck?" Wars echoed, turning the question back on Legend.

Around the clearing the rest of the boys couldn't help but stop what they were doing and turn their attention to this latest argument. Time let out a sigh and rubbed at his brow before turning back to his journal. Wild continued chopping vegetables for dinner. He hated it when the others were fighting, it made his anxiety spike and he would rather be literally anywhere else in the world when his brothers were at each others throats.

Four, Hyrule and Sky pretended to carry on with their own activities. Still keeping an eye on the argument about to break out by the fire. Wind was mercifully down by the stream, and hopefully out of earshot of the screaming match that had already begun. While Twilight was out on patrol.

"You arse! You put glue in my hair gel!" Wars bellowed, pointing accusingly down at Legend. His other fist balled and shaking at his side.

Time couldn't help but flick his eye up from his journal to Warriors. He also couldn't help the minute smile which crept upon his lips. Wars' hair, which was usually kept almost immaculate, was a mess. The left side was stuck down so flat it almost followed the shape of his skull. While the right side was stuck up in the air at odd angles. He looked like he'd been caught in a sudden gust of wind. Except there was no breeze. Only a livid scowl and the pointing finger which refused to leave its mark.

"You mean your hair CAN look even more stupid than normal?" Legend replied nonchalantly. His eyes remaining on the fire.

"You little shit! Now my comb is clogged up with glue and hair and I'm gonna have to get a new one, thank you very much! Not to mention what a pain in the arse this is going to be to clean out. What the hell man? What did I do to you?!"

Warriors continued to berate, oblivious to anyone except the object of his fury.

It wasn't really about his hair. Well, it was almost certainly about his hair. But Wars wasn't as vain as people liked to assume he was. Just because he was considered more handsome than most, didn't mean he was constantly preening himself. Sure he liked to look neat and presentable, but that was mostly from a life spent in the army. A soldier could be seriously disciplined for failing to dress correctly or for having scruffy hair. Every soldier was a representative of Hyrule itself. So heaven forbid that Wars always took care in making sure he was the best goddess damned image of Hyrule he could muster.

His real bug-bare was why Legend seemed to have singled him out for his pranks and jibes. Legend teased Wars for his good looks constantly. Not that Wars thought any of the others was less good looking than himself. Perhaps the Vet hadn't seen himself in a mirror for a while. If it wasn't his looks or his scarf, it was his military service, or his rank, or his loyalty to the crown. Legend could turn any trait of Warriors' into a snide remark aimed just right to get under the Captain's skin. Wars sometimes wondered if it was actually some special talent of Legend's. Like a little dagger specifically designed to be able to pick someone apart all the while laughing at them.

"Oh no, you'll have to spend some of that soldiers wage you keep bragging about!" Legend scoffed, batting the pot of gel and glue away from himself.

"What?" Wars shook his head in surprise. This was not the reaction he thought he was going to get. "Since when have I bragged about my wages?"

Wars finally looked around the camp at the rest of the heroes. Sky unfortunately managed to catch his eye and Wars latched onto his gaze.

"Sky, I don't brag about money, do I?" He asked furvently, still radiating rage and confusion.

"Um, well," Sky stammered, shrinking under Wars' intense gaze. "Not as such. But you're kind of the only one of us with an actual job."

Wars processed that for a second. He'd never considered soldiering to be a job, but it did come with a regular pay packet. So far as he could tell the only one of them who got payed for work was the Smithy. Four was an accomplished blacksmith with his own business. He had to make a decent amount of money for the work he produced. So that couldn't be the only reason Legend had singled Wars out. This couldn't be about money.

"Four has a job!" Wars pointed out.

"Hey, leave me out of this," Four stated firmly. "This is between you and Lege, figure it out without pointing fingers at the rest of us."

Four kept his eyes on the sword he was polishing, but Sky noticed they took on a verdent green hew as he spoke. He wanted to ask about it, but knew now was definitely not the time to be starting other conversations.

"Yeah Captain, why don't you pick on someone your own size!" Legend barked, drawing Warriors attention again.

"Pick on..? You're not that short!" Wars spat back.

"Oh so I am short, but not that short!" Legend retorted.

"Come on boys, please knock it off," Time groaned.

He tipped his head back against the tree behind him and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Your screaming match is giving me a headache. Plus I can't imagine anything living within a mile radius of this camp is thanking you either." Time said with a sigh.

"But he..." Wars began, but Time put up a hand to stop him talking.

"Legend, apologise for your prank," Time insisted, fixing Legend with his one eyed stare.

Legend flicked his gaze away to the ground, avoiding the Old Man's piercing eye.

"M'sorry," he grumbled under his breath.

"Right," Time nodded.

"Really, that's an acceptable apology to you?!" Wars scoffed.

"Wars, I'll buy you a new comb and gel in the next town we find. And in the morning I'll help you wash the glue out of your hair. Alright?"

Time turned his gaze onto Wars, who knew from the look on his face that it was going to be alright whether he liked it or not.

"Fine!" Wars turned on the spot and walked decisively towards his bed roll.

He picked it up and dragged it a few metres further away from the fire and set it down with a resounding thump. Wars quickly shucked his armour and his mail and tunic, before shoving himself under his blankets and all but throwing his head onto his pillow.

The rest of the Chain didn't hear a single peep out of their Captain for the rest of the night. Sulking or sleeping, no one had the courage to go and find out. At one point Hyrule asked Legend if he felt bad about how far his prank had gone.

"He deserves being taken down a peg every now and then." Was his response.

But even as he said the words, Legend felt no real emotion behind them. No truth. He'd taken a strange disliking to the Captain not long after they'd all met. He was rigid and calculating. Absurd in the attention he gave to his looks and infuriating in the way that he never deviated from a plan. Legend felt no spark of curiosity or adventure when he took a peek at Wars' aura. His magic felt strong like the rest of the Links, but it also felt tame and rigid. As though it had been pushed into a box which was too small.

Of all the Links in his company, Wars was the one he just couldn't figure out. And the one who reminded him the most of some of the worst days of his life. So he lashed out. Made jokes at his expense, played pranks he knew would get a rise out of the Captain, because it was a laugh. And what else was he supposed to do with someone who was as stiff as a board?

***

Time didn't get a chance to clean Warriors hair. Hyrule woke everyone up in the middle of his watch to the news that a portal had appeared not far from their camp. He'd felt the unique magical signature the moment it appeared and quickly ran to see what had happened. The dark swirl of black and purple bridged the space between two trees. A void deadening all light and sound around it.

Hyrule had hurried back to camp and quickly roused everyone. Unusually, Wars was the last man to finish packing his gear. And he was at the back of the line as they broke camp and followed Hyrule towards the new portal. While no one could see him, Wars attempted to flatten down the worst parts of his hair, but with little to no success. The glue had done a fine job and he'd worked it through so thoroughly with his comb, that it perfectly coated his hair. Forcing it into its current state. He let out a defeated sigh and trudged through the forest without taking much notice of his surroundings.

The shady woodland was soon replaced by the now familiar unsettling feeling of being pulled through a dark place. Wars had the uncontrollable sensation of nausia and dizziness which was concurrent with a portal jump. He was one of the few who suffered the least from time jumps, but he counted himself lucky. Wind and Four often verged on passing out after walking through a portal. While Hyrule could be left feeling dizzy and disoriented for up to an hour. Not helpful if there was danger waiting on the other side.

As the blackness faded away and the sickening sensations passed, Wars felt the bitter chill of icy weather biting at his skin. He looked up and had to blink twice before he believed what he was seeing.

Everything was white.

Everything except the red, blue and streak of pink hair in the near distance, which could only be Legend.

Wars grumbled, wrapping his arms around himself as he shoved his chin into his scarf. This was not going to be a pleasant day.

"Cap?" Legend howled over the rushing of the wind pelting his ears.

His hair flew every which way and he held onto his cap to prevent it being tugged off his head. His tunic whipped around his bare knees and he winced against the sting of the snow as it hit his exposed legs. Surely the Captain would tease him for not wearing trousers at some point.

The Captain! Legend suddenly thought with a jolt. Where in Din's name was everyone else?

"Captain!" He called again.

Wars wasn't very far away, but still Legend's voice sounded like a whisper rather than a holler. Squinting against the driving snow and leaning into the wind Wars trudged towards the colourful blob in front of him.

"I can hear you Legend. Where's everyone else?" He called in reply.

"No clue. They were right with us when we went through the portal."

Wars heard something about Legend not having a clue. (Nothing new there) And the portal.

"Great," Wars sighed.

This wasn't the first time the Chain had been separated by portal jumps before. Usually they were only split up by a short distance. They never settled on a plausible theory as to why this happened, though Wars had some pretty convincing ideas of his own. However, upon a quick scan of the surrounding empty countryside, Wars couldn't discern any other notable figures in the landscape. Legend and he supposed he himself, were the only dots of colour in an otherwise colourless world.

The snow storm showed no signs of blowing over and even tall trees had been mostly hidden by the onslaught of snow and ice. When Wars reached Legend, his next move would be to look for shelter. Hopefully the sour veteran would be cooperative enough to help rather than hinder Warriors efforts to keep them both alive.

"Looks like we got split up again. And we don't have Wild or the Sailor with us to contact anyone. We need to find shelter or we'll both catch our deaths in this cold." Wars said through chattering teeth.

Legend shuddered at the thought of just trying to walk through the thick snow around them. He could already feel the chill in his core as he pulled his hat down over his ears, and shoved his hands under his armpits to keep his fingers from freezing.

"Any suggestions?" He uttered, struggling to breath with lungs full of ice.

"Let's walk downhill," Wars decided, trying to think logically while his brain was telling him to just stop and get warm. "The cold will be less intense if we reach a lower altitude, and there's more likely to be shelter the lower we go. If we stay up here on the hill tops we'll freeze to death."

"Downhill it is then," Legend nodded.

Wars raised an eyebrow at how easily Legend had followed his suggestion. But he didn't dare question it unless Legend suddenly decided to have an argument about it.

"You want me to go ahead or behind?" He asked.

"You can cut through the deep snow easier than I can, you go first."

"Right."

"Plus, if you fall in a hole I'll know not to step there!" Legend snorted.

"Right," Wars said flatly.

So they began their slow slog down the hill. The wind was mercifully behind them, but still bitterly cold. Wars took a leaf out of Legend's book and pulled his old hat out of his bag. He tugged it tight down over his ears and tucked the end into his scarf so it wouldn't flap about. Wars could feel his steel mail freezing but there wasn't anything he could do about that now. His undershirt would keep it from touching his skin, but it wouldn't do anything to keep him warm. He just preyed they would find some kind of shelter and soon.

They walked for what felt like hours before the ground began to level out. The trees became a more frequent sight and though the storm was still raging, even a meagre tree cover was better than nothing.

"We could stop and make a fire here?" Wars suggested, looking about at the tall pines around them.

"Our stuff will just get wet if we stop here. We should keep looking for shelter. A cave or a cabin or something," Legend replied with a shake of his head. Though it could have just been from the cold.

"How d'you know there'll be one?"

"I don't, but... I'd rather keep looking than stop here and freeze. At least if we're moving we're keeping some sort of body heat." Legend explained.

"Me maybe, aren't you freezing?" Wars scoffed, eyeing Legend's bare legs which looked raw and red.

"Yeah I am, thanks for reminding me!"

"Sorry, I was just thinking you might want to stop?" Wars remarked.

"Because I'm small and fragile?" Legend snorted.

"What? NO?" Wars balked. "Because you're wearing less clothes and you're more likely to die more quickly of exposure than I am."

"It's not a competition Captain!" Legend hissed over his shoulder as he continued to walk in front of Wars. "Besides, I'm far more adaptive than you anyway. Who's to say who would win that competition?!"

"It's not a competition to see who dies first either Lege!" Wars sighed, hurrying to stay with the turbulent Vet.

Their argument died as they continued to walk through the snow covered forest. Icicles hung ominously from tree branches over head. Wind whipped through the trees, shaking loose drifts of snow. The only sounds were the howling of the wind, and their laboured breathing as the two boys marched through the snow drifts.

"Hut!" Legend exclaimed.

Wars head shot up at the sound and looked ahead. A squat wooden structure sat among the trees just a few yards away from them. Legend immediately took off towards it, with Wars only a few steps behind him. The veteran hero threw his shoulder into the door as he turned the handle, but there was less resistance than he had anticipated and the door swung open freely.

It was an extremely modest dwelling and it clearly hadn't been used for some time. There was a single cot in one corner. A fireplace set into the back wall and boarded up windows on the opposing sides.

"I'll be damned, maybe the gods do love us after all," Legend sighed, as he spotted a stack of logs in the corner by the fire.

Warriors quickly shut the door behind them and hefted his pack onto the floor beside the bed. His first instinct was to leave some kind of sign for the others telling them where they were. If this storm didn't break soon, the two of them might find themselves stuck for a while. If the others came looking, Warriors wanted them to find him and Legend as soon as possible.

He pulled out a pouch of berries Wild had picked for him and stared at it, turning the object over in his mind. The colour would stand out against the stark surroundings, but he doubted the juice would stick to the door of the hut on its own. Another thought wormed it's way into his mind and he groaned at how good his idea was.

Wars searched for his old pot of hair gel and found it in his pocket of useless objects he kept meaning to throw away. He opened the lid and was relieved to find it hadn't completely hardened. Wars crushed a few of the berries into the jar and mashed the mixture together with his fingers. When the gel-glue had turned a vivid pink colour, he quickly left the hut.

"Hey! Where are you...?"

Wars heard Legend say as he pulled the door open and quickly used his fingers to write on the outside of the wooden door. It was rough and untidy. But his makeshift paint did the job. The bright pink of the berries having the desired affect. Wars spelled out the quickest and easiest thing he could think of before letting too much cold back into the hut. After he was finished he quickly washed his hands off with some snow, closed the door and threw the jar of paint back into his pack.

"What was that about?" Legend asked incredulously.

Wars sighed contently as he saw the fire blooming into life behind Legend. But he swallowed before answering his question.

"I was leaving a sign for the others in case they come looking for us. Hopefully someone will be able to see it even if they don't notice the hut right away."

"Huh, that's actually pretty smart," Legend nodded, turning to throw some more kindling onto his tender flames.

"Did you just call me smart?" Wars jibed.

"I called you pretty smart, you know, the same way seagulls are pretty smart," Legend scoffed, avoiding Warriors gaze.

"Right."

Wars shook his head and turned back to his pack. He pulled out his bed roll and set it on the floor beside the fire. Legend waisted no time settling himself onto it and rubbing at his legs to stimulate some warmth. Wars pulled out his blanket and pillow and some spare shirts to replace the one he was wearing. It would be wet with both sweat and snowmelt and would quickly make him cold if he didn't change it soon. Speaking of.

"Hey, um, Legend," Wars said tentatively. Hating himself for the next words about to come out of his mouth. "Can you help me for a minute?"

"Help you with what?" Legend groaned.

"I can't take my armour or my mail off, they're too cold to touch. Can you put some gloves on and help me?" He asked, trying to convey as much sincerity in his voice and expression as he could muster.

Legend let out the longest sigh Wars had ever heard. But still, the Vet pushed himself to his feet and crossed the cabin to where Wars stood.

"Well?" He asked impatiently.

Wars quickly found an old pair of gloves in his pack (not fingerless ones) and handed them to Legend. Although Wars had to point Legend in the right direction a couple of times, Legend quickly helped Wars take off his pauldron and laid it on the floor near the fire for it to warm up. His tunic came off with ease but his mail was more difficult. Legend managed to buch it up around Warriors shoulders, then got him to bed over and slid the whole shirt off onto the floor over his head.

"Well that's just insanely stupid!" Legend scoffed, as he picked up the heavy lump of clinking metal.

"It's saved my life more times than I can count," Wars retorted, trying to shake out his hair before rembering he couldn't.

Legend layed the mail shirt out on the other side of the fire and Wars wondered at the care which the Vet showed to something he clearly disapproved of.

"Why don't you just try not to get hit. Then you wouldn't have to wear something so heavy?" He proffered.

"Is that why you stopped wearing trousers?" Wars remarked in return.

"Touche."

Wars quickly undressed and pulled two clean shirts over his shivering body. He wanted to put his tunic back on as another layer, but that was pretty wet as well. The garment and his scarf, joined his armour by the fire and he settled for pulling a blanket around his shoulders instead.

Legend scooted along the bed roll slightly to let Wars sit down in front of the fire. The warmth hit him in a similar way to the snow. His face and hands tingled as his skin came back to life.

"Ahhh," Wars couldn't help the sigh which escaped him. "Nice work getting the fire going."

Legend looked at him sideways but decided not to turn the simple statement into an argument.

"Thanks, and you're welcome by the way, for helping you out."

"Thanks for that, I'm usually alright doing it by myself. But, I've known people who touched frozen mail before and ended up with the pattern burned into their skin by the cold." Wars explained, his expression turning pensive as his memories trickled into his mind.

"Huh, yeah that would suck." Legend nodded.

Legend finally decided to take off his hat and tunic and let them dry out alongside Warriors clothes. He found his own blanket and draped it over his knees. After that the pair fell into an uncomfortable silence as their bodies began to warm. They could hear the storm raging on outside their little bubble of calm, but the hut was fairly draft free. Plus there were enough logs to keep them going for at least a few days if necessary.

Wars didn't want to sit in silence. He'd hated the periods of his life when he hadn't been able to talk. Since being with the rest of the Chain he felt like he could speak his mind or his emotions freely, and without reprisal. For the first time in a long time he had almost felt understood, among other people like himself. But then there was Legend. The impenetrable wall of stoicism and spite. It wasn't that they just didn't get on, they were totally different people. And it was infuriatingly difficult for the two of them to see eye to eye. Two heroes of Hyrule, both forged though danger and courage to defend their kingdoms. A sword and a dagger, both deadly weapons, weilded in very different ways.

To Wars' great surprise Legend was the first to break their silence.

"I am sorry about your hair," Legend uttered. If not for their complete quiet, Wars didn't think he would have even noticed the teen had spoken.

"Then why'd you do it?" Wars asked, pulling the blanket tighter around himself.

"I dunno, thought it would be funny I guess. And it was kinda funny. But after that you were just cross and I knew everyone else would be cross at me for doing it. So, I dunno." Legend shrugged, turning his face away so Wars couldn't see his own confusion.

"Have I done something to make you mad at me for some reason? If I have it definitely wasn't intentional Legend," Wars questioned, searching Legend's posture for some kind of response.

"No, that's not..." Legend tried to push some words out his mouth. But his brain and his lips weren't complying with one another.

Why was he even trying to explain himself to the Captain of all people? He wouldn't understand even if Legend could organise his thoughts. He just knew he wouldn't. So why try at all?

"Forget I even said anything alright. You clearly don't know how to accept an apology."

Just like that Wars watched Legend's walls close in and his mask slip back into place. He radiated the energy of a feral animal, terrified something would come near him. Wars hovered beside him, torn between trying to comfort his friend, and dropping the issue altogether. The hero inside him couldn't bare to do the latter, so he grit his teeth and pushed on.

"Lege, do you hate me?" He asked softly, ready to take the answer he was anticipating.

That made Legend lift his head and face Warriors. A frown creased his brow.

"No, of course I don't hate you?" He said. "Why would you think I hate you?"

"I don't know, the relentless teasing. Hiding my stuff, the glue. You're constantly on my case. It's like you're trying to rile me up so much that I don't want to be with the group any more." Wars rambled on until he had said more than he meant to.

"You don't want to be with the group anymore?" Legend's frown deepend.

"No, I mean yes." Wars sighed, this was coming out all wrong. "Of course I want to be with the group. You boys mean the world to me. But I just get the feeling I don't mean anything to you. Or if I do it's not a good feeling. And that hurts Legend. Everything you do, I know it's little things and if they weren't so often I could brush them aside and maybe even laugh at them. But what you're doing to me, it really hurts. And I don't know why else you'd hurt me if you didn't hate me."

Wars closed his eyes and curled in on himself, his fingers dug into the blanket, knuckles turning while. He only realised he was crying when he felt a drop slip down onto his lip.

Legend sat stock still. He was so stunned he had to give himself a mental slap across the face and grab hold of the situation in front of him. The Captain, Warriors, their chief planner and strategist, his brother, thought he hated him.

"I don't, hate you," he said slowly.

Goddesses he was terrible with emotions. Turns out he was terrible at reading certain people too. Legend thought Warriors was all stoicism and army and, 'look at me aren't I so smart and better than every one!' How could he have got it so wrong.

He knew how.

Months of being hunted by royal soldiers haunted his nightmares. Days and nights spent on the run, accused of a crime he hadn't committed. A crime he was trying to stop for Din's sake! Shining steel and the sound of clinking mail made his skin crawl. Just helping Warriors take his off had sent him to the edge of reliving those memories. But he'd done it because his brother needed his help. Now he was hearing Wars doubted him so completely.

Legend was a difficult person to love. He knew that. He was all hard edges and scepticism. How Ravio not only put up with him, but genuinely loved him, he'd never know. The crazy merchant had latched onto him and never let him go. Ravio had opened his heart to the possibility that he could actually love and be loved in return.

"I didn't take to being the hero as easily as everyone thought I did," Wars said softly.

Legend raised an eyebrow, not at the words, but at the fact that Wars had spoken first. He was almost ready with a speach and everything. But Wars sounded like he was about to get something off his chest, and Legend was happy to hear him out.

"The war had just started. Cia's monsters were ravaging the lands. The Hero was on everyone's lips. And then the Hero was me. I was the one she was after. The spirit of the Hero lived inside me and she wanted it for herself. The lengths she went through to try and claim me, I shudder now to even remember it. I knew how to be a soldier. A Hero was something different. It's alright for a soldier to fail. That just means the enemy was stronger and better prepared than you. You can learn something from failing and do better in the next fight.

But as a Hero, you're not allowed to fail. You win or you lose and if you lose you'd better prepare for people to turn against you. When you're an image people cling to in times of dispare, you do everything you can to help and to live up to their expectations. I tried so hard to be everything people needed me to be. I hardly ever let myself think about what I wanted. Because it didn't matter. I had a job to do and that was all that mattered."

Wars paused and sighed, his chin resting heavy on his arms as they crossed over his knees. Though his voice sounded steady, tears slowly streaked down his face.

"I guess I still have it in my head that everyone needs me to be perfect. If I'm not, then I'm letting someone down. It doesn't matter how good a swordsman I am, or how many enemies I defeat. If I put a foot wrong, if I fail somehow, I fail Hyrule."

"I have a thing about soldiers," Legend sighed. If they were sharing he probably aught to do his bit. "On one of my adventures a guy called Agahnim accused me of kidnapping Zelda. He had some kind of hold over the soldiers and he made them come after me constantly. They put up wanted posters and ordinary Hylians saw me as the enemy who kidnapped their princess. I was on the run for months. Soldiers tried to grab me everywhere I went. I don't know if they had orders to kill me but they certainly weren't gentle in their efforts.

When you first showed up on this journey, for a brief moment I thought you were the enemy. The thing Hylia had sent us to fight. A knight gone rogue. I don't think I ever really got over that feeling. The idea that, at some point you were going to turn on me. So I kept you at a distance, kept pushing you away."

There was a brief moment of silence before Wars chuckled. He snorted a laugh as Legend shot him an incredulous glare.

"Sorry, I'm not laughing at you. That sounds like a nightmare. But it's kind of ironic," Wars tilted his head as the thoughts swirled.

"Ironic?" Legend parroted, utterly bemused.

"I had my fair share of betrayals during the war." Wars replied, his tone souring. "During one battle, half my troops turned against me. They called me a traitor, claimed the war was my fault. I had to-to fight men and women I had fought alongside for years. They gave me no choice. I still hear their screams.

So it's ironic you thought I was going to turn out to be a traitor. When I've spent most of this journey trying to convince myself that all of you won't turn against me at some point. None of you ever gave me reason to think you would, but the memories still haunt me. So when you push and you tease and you torment me, it feels like..."

"Like your fears are founded in something?" Legend filled in, the bottom falling out of his heart as he spoke.

"Yeah, and when the others laugh and join in with the joke. Sometimes it's hard to make myself believe they don't mean it." Wars paused and turned his body so he was facing Legend more directly. "I'm sorry I make you feel nervous Lege. If I'd known I would have done something. Changed my clothes, I would have lost the scarf, the armour. If it stopped you thinking I would turn on you, I'd have done anything."

"You're sorry?!" Legend barked a laugh. He could feel warmth behind his eyes. But he hoped he would be able to keep speaking before he started crying. "Cap, Wars, I never thought about how what I was doing would make you feel. I - I suppose I did a bit and watching someone like you, a soldier, make a fool of themselves made me feel good I guess. I suppose that makes me a terrible bully." Keep going, deep breath, almost there. "And I know I can't take any of it back. Farore knows I wish I could. But since I can't I want to say how sorry I am. I'm sorry I singled you out. I'm sorry I made you feel betrayed, and I'm sorry I made you think I didn't love you."

"You love me?" Wars frowned as he sniffed.

"Of course I do you big dumb idiot!" Legend smiled, as tears began to overflow down his cheeks. Damn it.

"Haha, that's really sweet of you!" Wars laughed, but the sarcasm was clearly received.

"Sorry, I'm not good at emotions," Legend shrugged. "But I do mean it. I love you, and all the boys, and I will try my very best not to let you feel hurt by my awkward nature again."

"You really do mean it, don't you?" Wars said slowly, searching Legend's eyes for any sign this was another joke of his. He just hadn't reached the punch line yet.

But there was nothing but warmth and sincerity to be found. Wars hard hardly ever seen the Vet cry. But that wasn't important, he was crying too after all. Legend had opened up to him. Explained himself at last. All the pieces slotted into place and at last Wars could see Legend for who he really was. A frightened kid lashing out in order to protect himself. A kid who had seen more horrors and been through more hardships than any of their brothers. Perhaps more than all of them combined. And yet he had enough love left inside him for all of them. Even for Warriors himself.

"I love you too Legend."

Wars dropped his knees and spread his arms wide. Legend sniffed back a sob and crawled his way into Warriors embrace. Wars wrapped Legend up in his blanket, Legend's sightly damp hair tickling his neck. But he ignored it. They were both hurting and it meant the world to both of them to be able to comfort each other. Legend clamped his arms around Wars' waist, his face buried in Wars' shoulder. The warmth of the blanket and Warriors body heat spread through his frigid limbs and kindled a fire in his heart.

"Let's never fight again," Legend mumbled after a while. He felt more than heard Wars laugh against him.

"Yeah, like that's ever going to happen!"

"Alright, let's never fight over anything stupid again," Legend corrected, wiggling out of Warriors death grip slightly.

"Right, nothing stupid," Wars nodded.

The motion drew Legend's attention to Warriors hair. He really tried not to smile. He really really tried, but it was just so stupid how it was all stuck up on one side, even after being stuffed into Warriors hat.

"Would you like me to try and fix your hair?" Legend offered, already afraid Wars was going to shut him down.

"How? It's going to take days of washing to get this out?" Wars sighed, deflating a little.

"If I brush it carefully, I can stop it sticking up like that. Then we can wash it properly when we're out of, wherever we are!" Legend insisted more fervently. "Ravio did something similar to me once after I accidentally burned his favourite scarf. He helped me get the worst out of it."

"But I ruined my comb," Wars groaned, remembering the matted clump which had been thrown on the camp fire.

"We can use mine," Legend offered. "We already need to buy a new one for you, what's one more?"

Legend and Wars spent the rest of the evening huddled together by the fire. Though the storm outside showed no signs of letting up, and they hoped the rest of the Chain had found their own shelter somewhere, their little cabin remained cosy. Legend was true to his word and dutifully brushed the worst of the glue out of Wars' hair.

After he was finished, Warriors hair felt softer and was no longer stuck to the side of his head or sticking up in spikes. As Warriors ran a hand through his hair, he could still feel clumps of glue against his fingers. But at least it was workable. The simple act of kindness and repentance Legend had shown filled his heart. Maybe things would be different between them from now on.

"What did you write by the way?" Legend asked, as he sat back down by the fire.

"Write?" Wars frowned.

"On the door of the cabin," Legend reminded him. "You left a sign for the others to find. What did you write? Some kind of code?"

"Ah, no. Not exactly," Wars uttered, cheeks flushing a little pink.

"A symbol?"

"No," Wars sighed, a symbol would have been a good idea. The triforce would have been easily recognised.

"Then what?" Legend prompted, giving Wars a nudge with his elbow.

"I was in a hurry so I wrote the first thing that came into my head," Wars admitted.

"Right, and that was?" Legend urged.

"I um, I wrote Link."

"Link."

"Yep."

... "It's a good thing you're pretty."

---

Once again this became so much longer and went so much deeper than I intended it to go. I should probably go to therapy instead of venting all my stuff into these characters. But therapy is expensive and posting fanfics on Tumbler is free! So you guys get to enjoy my therapy with me, yay!

(Cries internally)

If you want to read more Legend and Warriors then my fic Hobby Boys is much shorter and has way less angst!

#legend of zelda #fandoms #fanfic #the legend of zelda #link #linked universe #link hyrule warriors #lu chain #link legend #lu legend #lu warriors #zelda angst fic #sorry this fic is really long #sorry not sorry #linkeduniverse

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kindredspiritsandgoodomens · 4 months ago

Text

"Even memory is an act of imagination, you never tell the same story twice, not even to yourself" ~ Michael Burkard

This quote showed up on my dash and reminded me of The Rashomon Job and how interesting I find it that many people can watch the episode and walk away with the impression that we've been told the 'correct' or 'true' version of what happened that night, specifically by Nate.

And I get why. The team certainly lets him have the last word, and structurally we are used to the 'Nate's Eye View' dénouement being the point where we see a complex web of events finally make sense as a designed structure. But the multiple thefts of the dagger weren't part of a unified whole arranged by Nate, or by anyone - so maybe we should approach the usual conceit of revealing the scheme as seen through the eyes of the mastermind rather differently in this episode.

As an audience, we depend on Nate's ability to pull off the impossible just as much as the team do, and even though we (and the team) may roll our eyes at his god complex it's important for our continued investment that we (and they) manage to almost believe he's Just That Good. But the tell that his version of this particular story is not entirely without colour is that it's all just a little too neat.

When the storytelling starts, Nate's delighted. The minute he realises he can scoop them all, and even retroactively be the mastermind who puts it all together, he's just pleased as punch. "Why don't you all come over and I'll tell you what really happened." He says. You know, like a liar.

The first thing of note about Nate's Version is that he never went into the party, but still takes it upon himself to give them an authoritative reconstructed version of what went down based entirely on his own sense of how it would have happened, based on his understanding of the team and his assumptions about their behaviour. Naturally in Nate's Version Eliot and Sophie don't flirt even a little. Naturally in Nate's version it's going to be Eliot who takes Sophie's adulterated champagne glass, intended for Hardison, from Parker's tray, despite nobody else having specified anything about this detail (Eliot - the gastronome - wouldn't remember spitting out foul tasting champagne? Sophie wouldn't have noticed a key part of her plan going awry?). But this way it fits it all together like one of his plans, so naturally it's all going to be nice and neat.

Not content with imagining the entirety of the party sequence, he also entirely constructs a conversation between Coswell and the securty guard locked in the store room. Based on Nate's own description of his movements there's simply no way for him to know what went down in that room. We know from Parker that Coswell made his way into the vents, and we know how he got the climbing equipment, but would the Coswell of Nate's Version really go climbing into ducts? It's neat, but it's thin.

Coswell is really where we have to question the neutrality and authority of Nate's version the most. Not only because - even if we allow that IYS jackass Nate Ford did in fact perceive this security guy (probably most security guys) as an ineffectual irritant - he's clearly reacting to Sophie's contemporary jibe about Coswell's potentially superior intelligence by making the man a buffoon in his retelling. But, also, because believing him about Coswell's buffoonery requires us to accept that Parker, Eliot, Hardison and Sophie all massively overestimated an opponent on a job. Is that really plausible? Even if we allow for a percentage of exaggeration because they're thieves swapping stories in a bar, it doesn't add up. Hardison and Parker, who were young and mostly there for clout, maybe. Eliot and Sophie? No.

When they describe Coswell as brusque, efficient, and suspicious - and they corroborate each other, we should be very wary of Nate's entirely re-written character sketch of the man. Especially the idea that his behaviour could all be explained because he had a crush on Sophie. Sophie Devereaux - who can pick a mark's weakness of a driving license photo - not notice when the head of museum security has a crush on her? Not bloody likely.

Everything Nate remembers Coswell as actually saying could just as easily have been said by the version of Coswell the others describe. For instance, "I don't know much about gold but I know it's not meant to do that." Could be silly - could be sardonic. Nate thinks he's an irritating pleb, so it's recounted as silly. But even in Nate's Version Coswell makes a good point about the dealer running. Again, it's neat, but it's thin.

As for the idea that the dagger fell from a vent directly into his hand? Well, as Hardison says, nobody's that lucky. Nate's showboating. He's embellishing and neatening his recounting of his own (biased) recollections just as much as the others, and he's doing it to reinforce his team's (and maybe his own) perception of him as slightly beyond the laws of chance, reason, and even physics. This episode is also one of the last times he denies that he's a thief - a tell if ever there was one.

Eliot and Sophie both express reservations, but they let him have it, because on some level they know that they need him to be that lucky. The whole house of cards only stays up if Nate really is That Good.

Plus, of course, none of the team's versions are without colour - and they all know it. Firstly, all perception is shaped by biases. So Sophie remembers different details than Eliot or Parker, because they look at the world differently and prioritise different kinds of contextual awareness, reasoning, and value judgements. Secondly, and more importantly, they're not just remembering and recounting what happened that night - they're all thieves telling stories to other thieves, to friends they want to wind up (the accents getting worse and worse, Sophie saying Coswell was maybe even smarter than Nate), impress (Hardison being the centre of female attention, Sophie getting a round of applause), or correct (Eliot and Sophie both claiming the other was the one doing all the flirting, when if we take Hardison's word...) But their descriptions of the sequence of events all line up reasonably well.

Ultimately they're all right about parts of it. Nate's probably right about Coswell being ineffectual by IYS standards. Sophie's probably right about his personality. Hardison's probably right about Eliot and Sophie flirting outrageously. Parker's probably right about her encounter with Coswell in the vents (she's not going to misremember vents). But we, the audience, don't see the One True Version of what happened that night.

That's why it's so nice when the episode ends with them all going to steal the dagger, properly, together. Because that's where the truth is. The truth that they're all thieves, telling stories in a bar. Even Nate. But when they're stealing things together they can defy the laws of chance, reason, and even physics. That's where they'll really see and understand each other, and that's what matters.

#leverage #the rashomon job #long post #sorry #I just had thoughts #also to be very clear I think Parker's version of Sophie's accent was BOTH accurate to how Parker perceives things she doens't care about #AND an opportunity for her to continue a bit and tease her friend

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postsforposting · 2 months ago

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I know this is a stupid question, but I know that he was trying to find a Logan to replace the anchor being, but do you have a theory why he went throughout the universes?

not a stupid question. it's easiest to get a start with the simple things and build from there. i also can't possibly think of everything, ideas are always welcome.

he had to go universe hopping because the original logan died, so he had to go find "an alive one". as for why he walked away from so many and took specifically the worst wolverine, i talked about it a bit before but i have some new expansions.

he was looking for a logan who:

gave as good as he got: didn't just "take it" but also returned fire and "gives back". pushes back when given an invitation. he's looking for someone who can hold his own against him, a partner, rather than a subordinate sidekick.

is available, not already taken.

who chose and wanted to be there, not just one who was forced to be there by necessity or felt like he had no choice.

wade doesn't just want to "fuck around", hence "every other logan would have really hurt me by now" and "being on the clock". dicking around is a necessity because that's wade's personality, but that can't be the only thing on offer. the "screwing around" needs to be that wade is allowed to mouth off AND wolvie returns the banter. "fucking around" is also a pun on a "one night stand".

fourth wall wise, he can't go directly to the one he wants because the metaphors don't work. this is bible numerology which i did longer posts on, but suffice it to say he wants "forever" and not just perfect. that's why the logan he takes is #8, ie a tick beyond godly and infinity in a "different direction". leans a different direction. queer in more than one way.

there were seven rejected logans:

1: short king: wade calls him "hairy lou retton", a reference to a famous lesbian gymnast. the implication is he's already married to both jean and scott. there's a size queen joke in here too, but that's not the reason wade walks away. he does not "push back" against any of wade's jibes. this logan has people protecting him, that's why the axe throwing--wade can literally get through to him but he still can't actually touch him. this logan has every reason to stay where he is, and is "serious" ie not screwing around. he lets wade screw around but isn't interested in doing so himself.

2: 80s hairmetal wolvie: this one is from apocalypse timeline, not called Wolverine but Weapon X. he's not the logan he's supposed to be (star wars not the droids you're looking for reference), and he's taken with jean.

3: old man: this is from a timeline where logan was tricked into killing all the xmen. he vows never to use his claws again. he's retired, and he won't get back in the saddle. he's deadly serious and not fucking around at all.

4: hulk: he's already "getting busy". taken. this one isn't even up for screwing around, which is why it's hulk who bats him out of the way.

5: cross: this guy is already the "anchor being" for his world. he can't get down off his cross ie make a real choice about where he wants to be. this logan is a jesus figure, not the god he's looking for (star wars again).

6: cavillrene: available, the whole hog, but doesn't want to. i'm pretty sure this is the one right before we meet worst wolvie, making him #7: numerology says this is godly perfection. biblical god gets other people to do the work for him, he doesn't leave his throne to get his hands dirty in the flesh himself. that's jesus's job: god famously forsakes jesus to suffer and die without him, without mercy.

7: patch: this is an alias used to help bring down a crime lord and to hide who he is so the xmen stay safe. this wolverine literally can't "come out" of his closet. neither can james bond, which the tux and undercover gambling setting are referencing from the 1971 Diamonds are Forever movie.

the worst wolverine, by contrast, initiates the "fucking around" with wade: gets flirty. even when they're getting down to business they're still dancing around what they're actually saying, not directly saying what they mean.

this wolvie is tolerated by his world but neither treated well nor welcome. they'll give him one drink--i think this is meant to be a "pity fuck"--but nothing more, and certainly not everything he's asking for. in the original xmen movies, that's kind of how he was treated--even xavier still called him an animal and demanded he be someone other than who he was. that wolverine tolerated it because he thought he deserved it. ww doesn't put up with that--he couldn't say he wanted to be there because he flat out didn't like how they treated him. but people being imperfect--sinning--doesn't mean they should die for it, and that's why this is the BEST wolverine, a tick beyond god. god kills and tortures people for offending him, for sinning against him, but this one doesn't. he literally forgives but doesn't turn the other cheek--turn his face away ie damn people. he just didn't show up in the first place because they didn't truly want him there. the idea is that tolerance is a step in the right direction but you don't gotta be grateful for it, it's not enough, and it can happen even to the best of us. but people shouldn't die for it, a commentary on magneto's methods.

ww hangs around his world because he feels like he shouldn't leave because he hasn't forgiven himself. he makes himself a punching bag, taking without giving as good as he gets, because that's all his world wants from him and he thinks he deserves that. martyring himself metaphorically because he can't do it literally (same reason wade in dp2 stays with the xmen; he can't literally kill himself so he'll do it metaphorically by forcing himself to be someone he's not). he's quite happy to volley back at wade, though, verbally and literally after wade confirms he's asking for it. ww doesn't outright agree to go with wade, making wade carry him across the threshold (wedding joke) because if wade takes him, ww doesn't have to get down off his metaphorical cross himself--someone came for him, rescued him, and thus is proof he's worth a second chance, should get another life (resurrection joke, you gotta get off the cross to rise again)

#deadpool and wolverine #meta #peanut gallery #montage

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aqua-dan · 11 months ago

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What advice would Mera and Arthur give teenage Garth if Roy was bullying him

Sorry that it has taken me so long to answer this, but to be honest, I've had a hard time formulating a response to it. I feel like there's so many different nuances that I have to explain and I don't even know where to start...

Okay, I suppose I'll try to answer the base ask first: They probably wouldn't have much advice for him. It would probably be something along the lines of "ignore him" or "try not to worry about it." Unfortunately, I doubt that either Mera or Arthur would have much good advice for him in a situation like that.

Beyond that, it really makes me want to ramble about Roy and Garth's early relationship because it is so messy and complicated. To be honest, Garth really wasn't around Roy all that much during his teenage years. They converged on a few missions through the Teen Titans, sure, but after Roy joined the team permanently, there wasn't all that many times that Garth got to interact with him. (Retcons have changed this a little bit, but.... I prefer this version...) In those few interactions they had, most of them were negative. Roy had a lot going on in his life and that caused him to lash out at people. This wasn't fair to them, mind you, but he did it to just about everyone.

Eventually, Roy started to grow a lot as a person and stopped being so much like that. The other Titans got to see his growth and they all grew pretty close. But since Garth was absent most of the time, he didn't get to bond with Roy the same way the other Titans did.

Because the very limited interactions they had were mostly negative, Garth held onto the idea that Roy was a total jackass and specifically didn't like him.

On Roy's side, that's not at all true. Yeah, Roy was definitely a douchebag when he was younger, but he does not hate Garth. The things he said to Garth that came off negatively weren't specifically about Garth. He would have said it to anyone in those situations.

When they started to interact as adults, they held two VERY different views of how their relationship was. Garth thought Roy not-so-secretly hated him (and also thought he was racist towards Atlanteans), and Roy probably felt fairly neutral towards Garth but also had a little bit of nostalgia about him by proxy when talking about the old Teen Titans. I think that he WANTED to be closer with Garth, so he defaulted to the old jokes and jibes that seem to have worked for the other members regarding Garth.

Garth... wasn't fantastic at standing up for himself when he was younger, so he didn't make it very clear how much those comments upset him. He would tell Roy to stop, but never really enforced it much, thus allowing Roy to think it was all part of the little "game" between them. He thought he was coming off as affectionate in his teasing, and Garth never set the boundaries in an adult fashion to make it clear how much he didn't like it. (That isn't to say that Roy shouldn't have stopped when asked-- he just didn't understand HOW serious it was.)

That was until Gargoyle manipulating their emotions sort of forced them to confront this whole thing. I very much wish that comics meta hadn't made it so the confrontation became slightly moot after that point. Regardless, Roy's reaction to Garth actually telling him what he thought about him/his actions is VERY telling about Roy as a character and how he viewed all of their interactions.

They still clashed after this, but also had some very interesting conversations where they were able to meet in the middle.

If I were in charge of writing for them, I would LOVE to go and explore their relationship more and build off of that conflict. I would love to set up a situation where they are forced to confront this stuff again.

I'm off topic now tho.... But my point here being that Roy really didn't bully Garth in the classic sense. He absolutely DID put Garth down and make him feel awful, but the vast majority of it came from misunderstandings, miscommunication, and simply not being around each other much. So many of their issues could be resolved if they just TALKED.

So idk if the opportunity for Garth to ask Arthur or Mera advice on this would even arise, necessarily? Garth didn't really talk to them about this kind of stuff, and also the situation was far more complex than your typical childhood bullying.

I hope this provides at least a somewhat satisfactory answer! And sorry that I don't have more specific things to say on the Arthur/Mera front!

#Dan Says Shit #Garth #Roy Harper #Arthur Curry #Mera

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corvusalbus93 · 2 years ago

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About Phee

Well, there seem to be a lot of opinions on Phee and her relationship with Tech specifically. Most, from what I’ve seen, like her as a character and as a love-interest for Tech, while others never warmed up to her and the ship/their interactions really rub them the wrong way.

Having read a few posts, I went back to watch every episode featuring Phee, plus a few others, paying closer attention to her specifically.

These are just my personal observations and interpretations, and you may disagree. We all read people differently; otherwise, we would never misinterpret each other.

So, everyone relax, put down your pitchforks…yes, you too, there in the back. I see you.

Down.

Good.

Now, starting with "Spoils of War":

Honestly, Phee doesn’t make the best first impression. But let’s take a closer look. At first she seems interested in the Batch, no animosity, but then Hunter is clearly displeased that Cid told Phee about them. Cid tries to reassure the Batch, tells them that Phee is the most trustworthy pirate she knows, and Echo is very dismissive. It’s only then that Phee starts being more disrespectful, hitting back by making fun of them not looking alike despite being clones and all. She’s only briefly sweet to Tech, before he starts talking about the phenotypical eye colour of clones and she interrupts him and leaves...not the first time it happened to him, but still. Not cool Phee.

Regardless, despite Phee’s attitude, Hunter and Echo didn’t exactly put their best feet forward here and arguably were the first to be impolite. Both sides did pretty poorly here, but I do admit that upon first watching in January, I didn’t really like Phee much. I didn’t hate her or anything, but I wasn’t endeared.

Moving on to "Entombed":

Clearly some time has passed, as Tech must have heard some of Phee’s stories several times to be able to comment on how she changes them up. While she isn’t close to the Batch, they seem at least casually acquainted at this point.

As a note to Phee and Tech’s interaction in the cantina; when he dismisses the items Omega found, Phee walks up to check them out, apparently touching his chin as she says “Easy, quick draw.”, and he has doesn’t really react to it. He’s probably used to his brothers doing anything from placing a hand on his shoulder to shoving/punching him, but I feel it’s important to note that he doesn’t seem at all visibly uncomfortable, even though it’s Phee, who he barely knows at this point. He just carries on as usual and tells her she’s holding a broken regulator, still certain there is nothing useful among the various objects.

The episode shows her working with the Batch for the first time, Omega is by far the most enthusiastic and Phee encourages her whenever possible. She really seems to like the girl and maybe she also figured that if she wants to get on the Batch’s good side, Omega is kind of the key.

In the tomb it is clear the Batch, especially Hunter, don’t exactly trust Phee completely or at least doubt her expertise. Given all the various things that don’t go smoothly, and them not knowing her well, all too understandable.

Hunter accuses her of trapping them early on, and once inside Tech mentions that he’s analysed the minerals of the stone slabs, finishing with: “Phee may be onto something,” which she hears, proving that they didn’t believe her.

So, Phee knows they don’t really have faith in her and acts especially confident and nonchalant, whenever confronted by the others or hears remarks. However, instead of reassuring, she often comes across as dismissive towards their concerns, much to Hunter’s annoyance.

She’s also quick to jibes back, and all these just seem like a natural character flaws, especially for someone, who usually works alone and deals with pirates/smuggles/black marketers, where keeping up appearances certainly matters. In this episode though, it’s actually Tech who gets the last jab. “This puts us at 0 for 2 in treasure hunting even with a professional.” (seriously, the tone he uses for “professional”).

Still, she also watched out for them; she warns Wrecker about the collapsing mountainside, when they first uncover the entry and later she pushes him out of the way of more falling rocks, after aligning the wrong symbols. In the spinning tunnel she notices Hunter is in danger and immediately runs to his aid, even before he falls, making it just in time to grab the grappling hook before it can slip off.

When the group is separated, she also only pushes onwards after Tech reassures them that he can navigate the side tunnels and rendezvous with them later. Later, upon finding the Heart of the Mountain and accidently activating the walker, she’s reluctant to put the crystal back at first, but is quickly convinced to put it back.

Personally, I liked Phee better after this episode, but hadn’t completely warmed up.

Next we see her in "Pabu":

Once again it must have been some time, since Hunter let’s Omega sit by Phee’s side during the negotiations, and Phee trusts him (and the others) with her life. She doesn’t move, seems completely calm as Hunter throws his knife and saves her.

While we haven’t seen it, this shows that they’ve worked together a few times since “Entombed” and her relationship with the Batch has only improved. She feels more like a part of the team in the opening, rather than someone who just tagged along.

And she’s started to really care for them.

She’s the one noting that Omega needs friends her age, and perhaps shouldn’t live the life of a soldier/merc. When hearing about them breaking ties with Cid and not having a plan, it only takes her seconds to invite them to her secret “home away from home.”

Here we also have Tech’s first actual reaction to her casual flirting, looking caught off guard when she calls him “brown eyes” and gently taps his shoulder...no reaction a moment earlier, when she was just touching his shoulder, though. Either Tech has realized she’s legit hitting on him, or he’s started developing feelings towards her as well (whether he’s realized it or not), so her flirting hits differently. Maybe both.

Btw, on the island, Phee explains that many of the artefacts she finds belong to the cultures of the displaced people seeking refuge on Pabu. This, aside from making her motivations more noble, is something I find interesting due to certain similarities to the second episode of the season. There Tech helped restore the datacore and Romar explained its cultural value, how his people existed before the war, which was something new for Tech to consider. And here again, he talks about how the “jade” tree has little monetary value, before Phee notes that treasure and value can mean many things. This appreciation for culture and history could be something to bond over.

Still, in “Entombed” Phee clearly wanted to sell the Heart of the Mountain, though part of me is wondering if some of that money would have gone to Pabu, given all this new information. But that’s just speculation.

Now this is the episode we get some actual flirting. She teases him, but as we all know, Tech can be pretty sassy himself, especially towards his siblings and I mentioned his jibe at her in “Entombed”. Also, he’s the only one looking after her, when she separates from the group to put the artefact away (with a subtle smile on his lips before following the others) and at the end of the episode he gives her two real, genuine smiles, after agreeing with Hunter to stay a little longer on Pabu, and her teasing him once more (Tech: “I had the same idea.” Phee: “Did you now?” Tech: *smiles at her*).

Whether this is actual romantic interest on his part or not, is up to debate, but it shows that he likes her, enjoys her company (he even follows her around earlier in that last scene) and is comfortable being around her.

Earlier at dinner they also sat next to each other, clinked “glasses”, until the sun set. She invites Tech to join her as she waits for the lights to turn on across the island, but when he doesn’t see what she’s talking about, he immediately turns back to his datapad. Now, all she does is ask him to wait, while simply touching his arm, because Phee really doesn’t want him to miss it. No eye-rolling or annoyance, which we’ve seen from other characters, even her, back when she didn’t know the Batch...but now she does know them better, and she is a lot gentler and more patient.

And Tech does enjoy the view, before the two turn to each other and smile.

"The Summit"

This is the very first time in the entire show that Tech is really visibly uncomfortable, speaking with someone.

We’ve never seen him like this before and it’s a safe bet neither has Phee. Considering how comfortable he was around her in “Pabu”, how vocal he usually his with his opinions and his own tendency to jibe (including at her), she might have been confused by this sudden shift in demeanour. Yes, he’s often occupied with his datapad, but here he’s so focused, as if to avoid the conversation, without actively preventing/ending it.

When approaching him, Phee could have easily interpreted his behaviour as the result of him just feeling guilty for not telling her or something along those lines. Which isn’t necessarily wrong. Given his reaction upon spotting her, Tech probably recognized she was upset, had a pretty good idea why and simply didn’t know how to handle such a delicate situation, perhaps feeling a bit overwhelmed as well. After all, he was already focused on the mission at that point.

She tries to initiate a conversation, pausing to give him the opportunity to respond, smiling encouragingly. When he asks her if he should have briefed her, she counters with “...when two friends are talking, it’s called a conversation”.

Now, I’ve seen people get upset with this, like she’s talking down to him, but I don’t think that is happening here. He used the term “briefing”, he’s talking like they’re in the military and it’s very formal, even for him. But she’s very deliberate with her choice of words. I think she wanted to remind him that they have a closer relationship now, something more personal/casual; they are friends, they can open up to each other. And she pauses again to give him a chance to think and respond.

When he gives none, she smiles and tells him not to run off with any other pirates, which is very much in line with the usual teasing between them. Remember, the sass goes both ways. And another hint to him that she has a thing for him.

One he doesn’t seem to pick up on, or again, his mind is already too preoccupied with the mission he’s about to go on. This seemingly half-hearted reaction is when Phee gets a bit frustrated.

I think she understands him, but is also a little hurt. And the thing is, as far as we know she never had a heart-to-heart with Tech like Omega did in “The Crossing”. Omega thought he didn’t care about their family falling apart, asking why he didn’t act like it mattered to him, and they had a short but very important conversation.

If Phee never had that with Tech, and he usually appears confident and comfortable around her, it’s not surprising she accidentally overstepped his boundaries, when she felt frustrated. I mean who hasn’t done or said something stupid, when feeling hurt/upset and later thought: “Damn, could have handled that better.”

And I’ve been in Tech’s position, so I get it when some say watching her push his datapad down made them uncomfortable by proxy, that Phee’s actions seemed abrasive. But this scene to me felt realistic, especially since they are still getting to know each other and figuring things out between them. Mistakes are going to be made by both, what matters is how they are handled.

And here, after pushing down his pad, Phee watches him shift his googles, tense, his shoulders go up, he’s unable to respond... and within seconds Phee relents, giving him space again. She saw how she made things worse and tried to fix it. Her expression softens, she smiles again and tells him, quite affectionately, she’ll see him around, leaving without further pushing for a reply.

Tech relaxes as he looks after her, and then looks thoughtful, as if he’s trying to find the right words and probably has a thousand other thoughts... but she’s gone they need to go, so he gets into the Marauder.

He still likes Phee, it was just this very specific situation at the time that made him so uncomfortable. He didn’t know how to handle it, and she was trying to find out what was going on and pushed too hard.

I’ve seen people say that she’s trying to change him, but I really don’t see that, certainly no more than his family (Tech interactions with Omega this season especially). She wants them to get to know each other better, and someone has to do the first step to make that happen. Phee’s just treating him like a person, an adult, but still adjusts as she gets to know him better.

As of now it feels the romantic interest is mostly one sided. Now, I still like to see an eventual Tech/Phee, because I can really see it happening, but right now, Tech deals with a lot of things, from adjusting to this new life to trying to save Crosshair, despite everything that happened between the Batch and their somewhat estranged brother.

Considering his reactions in “Pabu” and “The Summit”, I think Tech is now aware of Phee’s flirtations being serious, but doesn’t know how to approach/deal with it, and again has a lot of other things going on in his life.

If Tech is still alive and has a chance to settle down, I do think they can and will eventually be romantically involved. “Pabu” has shown that he enjoys her company, likes her as a person and since it has taken him this long to realize that she’s interested in him, it might take him time to realize his own developing feelings, especially since this is likely all new territory for him.

Here to him hopefully being alive, so we can see how these two develop further.

#the bad batch #bad batch #tbb #the bad batch tech #phee genoa

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fizzigigsimmer · 2 years ago

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Nerd!Steve but lets make it fun. Steve comes from a family of brilliant people. His dad’s a super genius who married another genius and they’re both off winning awards for cultivating life on Mars or whatever, meanwhile there’s Steve the “dumb” one. The disappointing son with his weird interests in the paranormal whose inventions never seem to quite work and his job as an IT tech. “Have you tried turning the system off and on?” Steve and his friends (Enter Dustin and the scoops troop) have been convinced for years that the Russians are developing some kind of supernatural super weapon, and it turns out he’s actually right.

The Russians have been working on opening gates to a parallel dimension and as a result freaky shit keeps leaking through and causing death and mayhem that the government has to sweep under the rug. Most of that cleanup falls to the CIA’s Stargate division. Billy is a top field agent with a reputation for getting the job done no matter what the stakes. Unfortunately for his operations team, keeping up with his maverick tendencies is almost as much of a headache as the operations themselves. His life tangles with Steve’s when a machine of his actually works and he and his friends end up in the cross hairs of Russian agents who happen to be targets in Billy’s latest mission. Shit goes sideways and Billy ends up needing their help to complete his mission.

Billy’s team is used to his antics. Heather has betting pools going about how quickly the next “Bond Girl” will show up and whether or not Billy will fall into her web before she trys and kills him when it’s inevitably revealed that she’s been working for the enemy the whole time. Seriously the guy wouldn’t know a healthy relationship if it walked up and volunteered to pay for his therapy. No one was counting on the nerds or how Billy would respond to one of them in particular. It’s insane, but also hilarious AF watching Billy struggle to keep the bumbling civilians alive, and don’t think she hasn’t clocked how he can’t leave the pretty one with the glasses alone. It’s like watching two little boys in a sand pit. He’s always in Steve’s face and pulling on his pigtails, you’d never know this was the man of mystery who has left a trail of broken hearts on seven continents. If he can just pull his head out of his ass maybe she’s not going to have to start setting him up on blind dates after all.

Steve thinks Billy is the WORST. He’s pushy and arrogant and won’t stop touching Steve’s tools even though he’s made it clear he has a specific system for them!!! He gets that Billy is trying to annoy him to death as payback for ruining his operation, but none of that was Steve’s fault and Billy should really be a lot more grateful that Steve and the others are here to help; because they never would have known what the Russians were up to or had a chance at stopping it without them. So what if Steve can’t win a fight, he’s about to save the fucking world so give him some credit! Billy could at the very least stop teasing him with that ‘Pretty Boy’ crap. Steve went to high school okay, he knows he doesn’t compare to guys like Billy.

Billy is pretty sure Steve is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to him. He’s not sure how he’s still alive when he attracts disaster like a magnet, or how someone so brilliant can be so dense. The fact that Steve thinks he’s dumb though like genuinely baffles him and he kinda wants to punch everyone who ever made him feel like he was less than just because he didn’t meet their expectations. Kinda wants to punch something every time he looks at Steve honestly. Billy’s used to beautiful people throwing themselves at him constantly, so can someone explain why his favorite thing all of a sudden are the little folds in Steve when he’s concentrating, and the way his eyes light up all ‘Aha!’ right when he thinks of a good comeback to one of Billy’s jibes? He is not this guy! He doesn’t do attachments for damn good reason. So Why does he want to listen to Steve and Dustin fighting over what the CIA is hiding in Area 51 and why does he get such a kick out of how they collectively lose their minds when he hints that he’s been there.

Billy’s not attached, but if Steve wanted to sleep with him he’d be down. They’re hot and tommorrow might never come and all that. But hey, if it does he’s hinted a few times that the teams Digital Targeter Daniel has been talking about retirement. It’ll be hard finding a replacement you know, cause Billy is picky and he doesn’t just want someone who knows tech but someone who isn’t afraid to be in the field with him.

Steve’s like, “oh man, I can see what you mean. Good luck, I really hope you find someone”.

#harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #Secret agent Billy and Tech nerd Steve #I can hear the banter #Steve would totally think Billy hated his guts and only tolerated him for the mission #But then Steve would do some dumb hero shit and Billy would be losing his mind #Why didn’t you stick to the plan!!!! And Steve’s all confusion cause Billy like NEVER sticks to the plan #And then it clicks #oh #he cares #He cares 😍!!!!

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wild-at-mind · 1 year ago

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As of time of writing, Rishi Sunak is still refusing to apologise for the jibe at trans women in PMQ. (Apologise specifically to Brianna Ghey's parents, her mother at least being definetly present at the time.) What will the fallout for this be? This is only days after normally transphobic tabloids splashed the mugshots of Brianna's killers all over their front page with headlines like 'PURE EVIL'. It seemed the spectacle of 16 year old murderers overrode the fact that they normally don't care about trans people. Rishi's remark streamrolled one of the most important optics rules on most parts of the political spectrum- don't say things that upset the grieving family. On the other hand, Sunak was making a jibe that revealed the fact that most people currently in UK politics seem convinced that if they say 'trans women are women' it will not only prove catastrophic for their chance of being elected, it will also cause mobs of people to thrust stats at them supposedly proving that cis women will be in mortal danger. And that may happen! The statistical evidence isn't there at all, though, so I believe it would come to nothing if he rode it out. Anyway, it's the right thing to do. I believe that after a certain point, continually insisting trans women are not women makes you look deranged. I have a trans woman friend who told me she once asked a transphobic/gender critical aquaintance of ours during calm conversation 'how do you see me? What am I, if not a woman?' The aquaintance said 'you're a man dressed up.' Now, these gender critical people claim to be super duper pro GNC cis men (they aren't, because they are worried the GNC cis men might start IDing as trans, and they hate men anyway especially weird queer ones, so it's a non-starter.) But this person was essentially telling my friend 'you aren't what you have clearly demonstrated yourself to be'. It's often said that 'trans women are women' is an opinion, but in my eyes saying that trans women are not women is an opinion. This aquaintance was saying what she had been indocterinated to believe by her TERF online circles, and I don't think she's reachable (my friend is no longer trying, it was a one off conversation as far as I can tell). I've said this before but I maintain that politicians should stop dignifying the question of 'what is a woman? Define what a woman is!' because it's a question that is never asked in good faith. It's a gotcha, and you don't need to answer it and fall into whatever trap they are setting. You just need to put forth policies that support both cis women and trans women- showing support with your deeds and words. And Starmer should have a fucking backbone- Sunak isn't wrong there. If anything what Sunak did was very revealing because it shows he's used to being surrounded only by people who guffaw at the very idea that 'trans women are women' is something true in both theory and practice. Meanwhile trans people are becoming more visible and I truly believe within 20 years, both Sunak and Starmer will look like dinosaurs in much the same way as the homophobic politicians of yore were following a public zeitgeist that was quickly becoming outdated. It's a shame we never seem to learn from the past.

#uk politics #rishi sunak #keir starmer #transmisogyny #btw i don't know the stats on how many trans women there are in the country but 0.1 % seems on the low side #although technically it doesn't count the ones who have had bottom surgery i guess..???#they don't like those trans women obvs but they know the scary power of the penis as a rhetorical device #btw i swear to god if someone assumes i'm saying homophobia no longer exists- no!#i'm saying the way it is publically acceptable in the political sphere (and all social spheres) to talk about gay people has changed a lot #it is no longer acceptable to express from a position of power that it is not good (or at least neutral) to be gay.#that is why homophobic evangelicals feel themselves super oppressed and marginilised- one of the many reasons #also note that cis gay people are being used as a chess piece in the trans kids argument- these poor kids are just gay!#gay is ok now as long as the foundations of gender can stay the same #they are still homophobic but it's just different. That's all i mean.

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deconstructivesurgery · 2 years ago

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Anyways since you do know about the gay old men of all time. Do you perchance have any headcanons for them? Could be one of them, could be for them both, etc. You could look at my massive stores of content I made if u need some inspiration. Please help there's so little I have to make everything myself/hyp but still

Oh god, I accidentally forgot this in my drafts and just got around to finishing it now. Also- absolutely! Headcanons are one of my favourite things to write, I hope you jibe with these!

For both of them as a couple:

I think since Hammerlock's prosthetics are mechanical in nature and he adventures so constantly that he likely needs constant maintenance/upkeep for them, and that him and Wainwright will make a couple's activity out of spending time together tuning them up. Nothing quite like listening to the radio with your beloved as he gets your arm back in working order.

I think they're both pretentious as fuck about liqueur (Wainwright probably slightly more-so, but you can't tell me Alistair isn't insane about what he drinks either. It's a shared thing.) You pull a bottle of whiskey out of their booze cabinet and the next thing you know both of them are nearly interrupting each other trying to explain to you what year it was bottled in and how it was meticulously crafted using aged oak barrels or some shit.

For Hammerlock specifically:

This isn't exclusive to him per se, but I like to think that especially as he gets older that he'd be looking for a competent assistant to help him with research and travel- I think Wainwright would absolutely be down for this idea as well, because strength in numbers means his husband is less likely to get mauled out in the field. He 100% trusts Hammerlock to take care of himself, of course- but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be relieving to have someone else along with him. I also think the assistant thing would be cool to him personally because he seems like the type of guy to be so passionate about his interests that he'd want the chance to pass some of that knowledge and fascination with the field onto someone else. (Bonus points: I personally think per one of my AU headcanons that due to her desire to see other worlds/travel and experience adventure + her fascination with the plants in TFTBL that Sasha would be awesome in this role. I just feel like her and Hammerlock would be friends and I can SO see her working with him.)

It's not a lot, but that's what I've got off the top of my head! I hope these are enjoyable, hopefully :)

#wainwright jakobs #alistair hammerlock #borderlands #tftbl #bl3

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cthonyxa · 1 year ago

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This is the last piece of buffer art from 2023 that I have prepared (though I might pull some art from other projects to use as buffer since I'm now officially out of it). It's of two characters from my Ashmont Vigilantes world: Lucia and Dominic. You may remember Dominic from my first post on the Transcendent Trio, although he was only mentioned in passing. This is concept art from when he was in his late teens/early 20s, set several years before the Transcendent Trio storyline and in what I'm tentatively calling the CREWCUT storyline.

While Lucia/Ziyara's backstory is still under heavy development, the basic idea is that she's from a planet called Ootalax (her species is Ootalaxian) who was sent to Earth at a young age as part of her training to eventually be the Ootalaxian ambassador. She was given the identity of Lucia Carter, niece to Gerald Carter (the secret identity of a well-known hero called Captain Amazing), and began living as a normal human. She met Nic through his parents (Isabella Allard, aka Birdseye, and Anthony Allard, aka Dire Jibe), since they ran in the same superhero circles as Captain Amazing. Despite living in separate parts of the country, they became fast friends and would go on to form an unsanctioned teen heroing group together with some other superhero friends.

A few fun facts about Ootalaxians: they are shapeshifters with the ability to change every part of their body, except for their brains, their body mass, and their specific form of mitochondria (which is what allows them to shapeshift). Their natural form tends to be tall (7 or 8 feet) with skin tones on the blue/black spectrum, four arms, and six eyes with no visible pupils. While Ootalaxians can emulate the reproductive tract of any animal, their natural reproductive system is that of three parents: imna (contributor of ova), ishrrl (contributor of sperm), and ithos (bearer of the child). Babies are born without a sex, but most settle in a single sex for the most part by the age of 5. It is not uncommon, however, for them to change their sex based on how they feel about themselves, to fit the parental role they want to have in their child’s life, or a variety of other reasons. The vast majority of Ootalaxians are multisexual, since that's their natural reproductive state, although they have the same broad spectrum of (a)sexuality that humans do. Lucia's main gender is imna, which is why she goes by she/her pronouns, and she identifies as omnisexual (the multisexual label she liked best).

In this picture, Nic is shown to be Owlet, which is kind of the Robin to Birdseye's Batman. However, as I started fleshing out the pre-TT timeline, I decided I wanted that mantle to go to his brother, Connor. There are reasons for this that I won't go into right now, but the end result is that Nic is no longer Owlet, but Mockingbird--intended to the sidekick of Dire Jibe. I'm not 100% sure if either of them will be official sidekicks or "you can't tell us no" unofficial ones, though. Nic has always been uneasy with authority, which is what draws him to the punk aesthetic/culture. There's a lot about his backstory and personality that I haven't settled on, so I can't say much right now, but identity-wise he's bisexual, demiromantic, and polyamorous.

Anyway, that's it for now. I need to finish the model sheets for the Transcendent Trio, so I'm not sure when my next post on this world will be. But, hey, maybe I'll get inspired to do a vignette. Or I'll need buffer and so I'll show you the character concept art I have for a pre-TT visual novel game I want to make around the same time I officially start working on the TT comic. I guess we'll see! 😁

#art #original art #digital art #alien character #genderfluid #omnisexual character #bisexual character #demiromantic character #polyamorous character #superhero art #punk fashion #ashmont vigilantes

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darkmaga-returns · 2 months ago

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Regular readers will recall that I like to refer to DC as The Imperial City on the Potomac. They will also recall that I have often referred to the months long “military occupation” of said city following the 2020 coup against Trump. I put those words in quote to highlight my specific words, which were intended in a very literal sense. The coup was intended to rid the Imperial City of an unwanted presence, the presence of one whose ideas on policy and on how the US government should operate did not jibe with those of the actual Ruling Class.

In 2016 Trump won—against all odds. In their hubris, the Ruling Class didn’t believe he could pull it off. In 2020 he was removed like a cancerous growth, using the rawest forms of fraud. In 2024 he staged the most unlikely comeback in US history, rewinning the presidency—again, against all odds. Including two assassination attempts. You do remember those assassination attempts, don’t you? The Deep State wants to gaslight you about some absurd claims of an Iranian conspiracy, so you’ll forget the actual assassination attempts that have seemingly been swept under the carpet.

Exactly why Trump was allowed to win is a complicated story, part of which is explained by his own efforts to beat the cheat by making his win too big to rig. I have theorized that another aspect of this may have been that the Deep State screwup over the past four years—both politically and militarily—has been so momentous that the Ruling Class may have concluded that—in the face of the failed assassinations, their own screwups, Trump’s true the vote efforts—they no longer had the credibility to pull off a second steal. YMMV.

Since we still have nearly two and a half months to go before inauguration, this lengthy post by Armchair Warlord seems timely and relevant. In a sense—against all odds—Trump has accomplished the easy part—winning the election. Next comes the tricky part—actually governing. For the time being the Ruling Class appears to be too stunned by the breadth of Trump’s victory to mount an effective resistance, although there are signs of that forming in the Senate.

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nikofortuna · 8 months ago

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The Legend of the White Snake (2019) Continued Thoughts

I’m back with my thoughts on the second batch of twelve episodes. As before I heavily recommend this series, it is so much fun and does not disappoint! Spoilers for this second third of the series! Disclaimers mentioned at the beginning of the first impression still apply naturally.

Starting off with a little detail I would like to highlight as I do so love the little creature details in the story like with the snake sisters having trouble with heat. And in the acting as well with the little toad acting flourishes by Wao Daoling’s actor.

Now for the newly introduced characters this round! We met a delightful young man and a dubious demon.

The first meeting between Xiao Qing and the hunter Zhang Yutang was very funny and adorable. You could see exactly when each of them realized that the other gets them over the topic of wine and them subsequently becoming buddies was so delightful. They clearly jibe well with each other.

Then watching Zhang Yutang innocently present all the snake parts to Xiao Qing was all the more painful to watch, because you know instantly she’s getting upset and reasonably so, likely with a slight sense of betrayal no less after having gotten along with him so well before. It was nice to have Bai Suzhen clarify that he’s not hunting out of malice, but simply to make a living.

Further down the line we got great payoff for this with the development of him first stopping to hunt snakes specifically and then giving up hunting all together. With the prospect of still making ends meet through his new job of course.

Personally I would love for Xiao Qing and Zhang Yutang to remain besties, they really fit well together in that way. However I wouldn’t be mad if they got together in a couple sense. I’d likely headcanon them as more queerplatonic than outright romantic though as that is simply the vibe I get from them and their dynamic.

Now as for Wao Daoling, he was funny at first with his antics, but with the plague/well poisoning plotline he fell out of favour with me entirely for obvious reasons. Not only did he jeopardize the lives of innocent people by poisoning them, but then also demanded unreasonable amounts of money for the antidote with complete disregard of the poorer population.

He does fit well as Ruyi’s accomplice though, being very similar to her in his obsession over the one he ‘loves’ coupled with the complete disregard towards other people.

On that nevermind the hopes I had for Jin Ruyi. Instead of better she has in fact gotten worse! And she is starting to really get on my nerves, which I suppose is the point. The last straw for me was her knowingly poisoning Xu Xian and thus actively and willingly bringing harm upon him in contrast to her insistence on not hurting him previously. She is clearly not in love with him, she is obsessed with him.

Jingsong on the other hand has redeemed himself after all, would you look at that! It is honestly quite sad that he is gone now, I believe we could have gotten a really strong support character in him and seen some further development given the chance. In the end I don’t think he was quite accepting of Xu Xian still, but of course cared greatly for Bai Suzhen and helped her even at the cost of his own life if only to preserve hers and her happiness.

I would dare deem him and Ruyi a pair of mirror characters as they are similarly jealous of the partner of their childhood friend, but unlike Ruyi Jingsong truly holds affection for Bai Suzhen and learned to respect her decision.

I’m holding out hope that he either gets to return in some form or that we at least get so see him perhaps getting some sort of reward for his selflessness.

On a much lighter note, Xu Xian finally knows of Bai Suzhen’s true identity! Yippie, yippie, yippie! And it is so sweet, he is trying to learn about snakes and demons so he can be a good husband to his snake demon wife! Finally there will be no more misunderstandings, only open and healthy communication between the two!

Additionally after this revelation the two interact noticeably more playful with each other, you can really feel how their connection and trust has grown even stronger.

Both of them have definitely found a total keeper in each other and they know it themselves. Xu Xian even goes further in not only refraining from harming snakes, but any animal in general and becoming a vegetarian. This might also be partially motivated by his many near death experiences.

Lastly I was so happy to see Xiaotian show up alongside Erlang Shen. And he’s a greyhound!

Guanyin Ex Machina to the rescue once more! At this point I can imagine Heaven watching the happenings unfold with some snacks like an audience would watch the drama.

I wouldn’t say we are at the final stretch of the story just yet, but things are definitely ramping up a bit more! Xu Xian obviously won’t budge when it comes to Bai Suzhen no matter what, but now his sister will need to be convinced. And the issue with Prime Minister Liang has not yet been resolved properly, so that plotline will likely come back around sometime soon. It stays suspenseful, while consistently being rewarding!

#The Legend of the White Snake #新白娘子传奇 #Bai Suzhen #Xu Xian #Xiao Qing #Zhang Yutang #Jin Ruyi #Wao Daoling #Jingsong #Xiaotian Quan

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youmightaswell · 2 years ago

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Die!

Fade2Nada

Marco, my very first boyfriend, when I was 19 in 1989, was an artist. While in my college at an Amnesty International concert I organized, someone tapped me on the shoulder. A guy handed me a Kudos bar (remember those? My favorite was the chocolate chip one which was sold in my school’s vending machines) and said, “My friend likes you.” Interestingly, thinking back, how fitting he used that to convey his romantic intentions when the tagline was: “Kudos, I’m yours!”

I looked across the room to see a motorcycle jacket-clad guy doing his best James Dean impression. When I mentioned this to my friend she said she knew him. They grew up together and he lived on her block. He got the seal of approval.

So it began. He had come to the show in his friend’s two-seater so I sat on his lap all the way home to my house. The music was blaring and every time I asked him his last name I heard “loud”, instead of his actual surname, “Lau”.

From then we were an item. His sister went to my college so would sometimes pass me notes from him. (He attended school nearby and lived closer to my college than my home.)

I did not have a phone because cell phones -- even AOL messenger -- hadn’t been invented and I didn’t have a landline at home because my schizophrenic mother had been convinced the government was listening to her calls.

We made do. He would ride his bicycle miles to visit me unexpectedly. He is pretty much the only person who ever met my mother. I was embarrassed he did but he inserted himself into my life aggressively. What was done was done.

Later we’d take long motorcycle rides, me hanging onto him for dear life, our helmets butting when we came to a short stop.

He also aggressively campaigned for me to lose my virginity to him. While I had no specific reason for not doing so as yet, I have never been one to be pushed into anything. If someone tried to bully me into anything, I’d dig in my heels.

He’d send me letters and postcards; I’d return the volley. I’d be at his house all the time and often would sleep at my friend’s house who lived on his block so we could be together. We went to the same clubs, concerts.

Finally one night he aggressively lobbied for me to have sex with him (he was never rapey at all and I always felt totally safe with him. He was simply annoying, but not scary) and I started crying.

I wasn’t scared. I just didn’t like his attitude. I felt anxiety. I also didn’t like that he was uncut and I never liked his smell. It’s not that he wasn’t clean; our pheremones just never jibed.

Apparently I had sent Marco a letter afterwards saying I wanted to lose my virginity to him but I just wanted to feel I was in a safe and secure exclusive relationship with him. I wasn’t feeling seen or heard. (He saved this letter and still has it 34 years later. We reread it together recently.)

At his house shortly later he left a polaroid on his bedside table that he had taken of a girl I came to know as Nadine. She was wearing a thong and fishnets. Clearly he wanted me to see it. I was very hurt, but also knew then to emotionally detach from him.

A while after that he mailed me a card and letter. (I saved it for all these years and he and I recently reread it together. I’m glad he seemed horrified at his brutishness when he did.) In it he mocked my crying, ridiculed me for my “divine virginity” and had said I was ridiculous for making that request for him to be exclusive. It would only make him resentful of me.

After that I sort of distanced myself. I got another boyfriend very quickly and lost my virginity to him. He never even knew I was a virgin and there was never any stressful conversation or prompting. It all was natural and organic and he and I ended up dating for five years.

Marco didn’t initially know about Rick, my boyfriend, but sent me an card telling me he was sure I probably heard but he had a girlfriend now, Nadine. It has all worked out as it should. I was very hurt, but also knew I made the right decision peacing out on Marco.

I coined a term then that I and friends still use to this day, “The Half-Eaten Sandwich Theory”. I told Marco that we were not fully done. I was putting a pin in this but that I was with him first and reserved the right to circle back around at any point. He agreed he was indeed my half-eaten sandwich and also felt he had the right to circle back around when/if he felt the urge. Who would ever think that would really happen 34 years later? The Universe is a tricky bitch with it’s foreshadowing and private jokes.

We kept in touch sporadically and when I was going through a breakup with Rick years later, Marco visited and we almost had sex then. At the last minute I, once again, didn’t pull the trigger. I was still resentful of how Marco how treated me.

That same summer we took acid together. I am anti-drug and so neurotic even an extra strength Tylenol could make me freak out. So why I thought it was a good idea to take the Superman acid with Marco in my tiny basement studio apartment is beyond me. He has always been a bad influence, I guess. Acid, marital affairs... for some reason he has a way of making me throw caution to the wind. Taking half a tab did nothing - or so I thought. So I finally took the other tab.

Within minutes my rug was breathing and I was freaking out. Marco blew incense smoke in my face and I made him leave. I was overstimulated. I got into the shower and obsessed over how the acid would finally know when to stop being, well, acidy. I cried my eyes out convinced I had ruined my life and everyone would think I was schizophrenic like my mother. No one would realize it was just because of the acid. The only solution I could think of to make the acid stop was killing myself. I had hoped Marco would have taken care of me, an acid pro. But I had to fend for myself.

I called the drug hotline and told him I am not a bad person. I have never taken any drugs before. But that I was having a space/time continuum issue. I remember the woman on the line laughing and saying it was apparent I had not taken drugs before. She talked me down, Marco came back for a few minutes with Burger King for me and I was left alone tripping for another 18 hours.

He ended up moving to my neighborhood shortly after that, but I’d rarely see him. I finally moved to Manhattan. However his younger brother began seriously dating my best friend’s sister in law so I’d hear tons of stories about Marco. He was dating another woman, Edith, and my friend’s sister in law told us it seemed a mismatch. His girl was nice, but bland and not a creative. She didn’t see it working out and felt Marco wasn’t that nice to her. She felt Marco and I were way better suited.

Then she said she was at a dinner with his family and Marco stood up and made the announcement he was marrying Edith. Everyone was shocked and my friend said the whole thing was rather embarrassing to all involved. Years later I heard they had split. The marriage never happened.

I ran into him in the City and he now tells me I looked like I had seen a ghost. I don’t recall feeling that way, Although I believe him. My face doesn't lie. We made plans for him to visit me at my Hell’s Kitchen apartment.

It was quick and polite. I was standoffish and I just recall thinking he had gained weight and looked less James Dean-ish. By now he had a very good job as a creative and seemed stable and had matured. We didn’t seem to have much to say and the air seemed heavy.

I don’t recall seeing him again, but he now tells me he met a rich boyfriend I had around that time.

I got married in 2004 and never thought to invite Marco although several other ex-boyfriends attended.

When Facebook started he was one of the first people I tried to friend just became I had wondered what became of him. We had tons of mutual friends so I figured we’d all connect. He didn’t respond to my friend request so I assumed either he didn’t recognize my new married last name or simply didn’t like me enough to friend me on this new social media thing.

I learned from a mutual friend shortly after Marco had married an Eastern European model. My friend quipped he only saw pictures on Facebook and that it looked like a “green card marriage”. I had no idea, although Marco has always loved fashion and photographing models so it seemed on the nose. I was happy for him. I was now going through a divorce so Marco and his marriage were the last things on my mind.

Then I got deathly sick with Lyme and battled horribly for three years. During this period Marco had friended me on Facebook, but we didn’t speak. It was all I could to to stay alive so I wasn’t really paying attention to Facebook or old friends.

Apparently over the years Marco had reached out to friends of mine to ask them about my disease and resulting chronic illness and disability. I had no idea. I has no interest in him, especially romantically, so I didn’t go poking around. Every so often I’d notice he was still married, no kids. I do recall for my 44th birthday (I was still very sick) friends took me to Zuma, a midtown restaurant. A day later Marco posted from there. I left a quick comment saying we missed each other by a day! He didn’t respond to me but his wife did. I forget what she noted but it was odd. A mutual friend of Marco’s and I DMd me saying it reeked of insecurity and apparently Marco was on a short leash. I didn’t think much about it.

Several more years went by and one day Marco messaged me this amazing picture he took of me at 19. I was wearing a bra and looked ethereal. I asked if he could please print me out one so I could frame it. He said he’d do that but I should come meet him downtown at his job and pick it up. I had mentioned he could just drop it at my doorman.

I never got that photo although he swears he printed it out and had it in an envelope for me. Now, more recently, he said he suspects his wife had found it and discarded it.

Right before the pandemic struck he posted about his motorcycle. I recalled how as college kids he and I would ride on his motorcycle all over. I noted I’d love a ride for nostalgia’s sake. He replied via DM saying he’d love that but to please not leave notes on his page because his wife monitors it and he is prohibited from having female friends.

I balked and made it clear: We had not dated for 30 years and I didn’t want him then and I don’t want him now. He said he knew this but his wife was insecure and would not see it that way. He knew he and I had no romantic interest in each other.

Still, looking back, he is so thoroughly intertwined with my life. When I look back at my young adulthood, he was there. And now, at the near-end of our lives, he will be the most impactful thing that has happened. He has fashioned himself bookends on my existence. And I think I am that for him as well.

Again, I put this out of my head. I even thought about simply unfriending him because I did not want his wife to get the wrong idea. I was dating someone and had no interest in him, married or otherwise.

But then one day mid-pandemic we met up at a park by my house. It was lovely. We caught up -- he seemed sad and more pessimistic than I had ever seen him-- and he confessed he had slept with a friend of mine from college days. While this was long before he was married, his wife found out, hence his ban on being able to speak to female friends. This seemed abusive and restrictive and not something I’d personally tolerate, but it’s his life.

We met again several months later and had pizza by my house. Again, so lovely. Just such a nice feeling of nostalgia. It was so great tp see how successful he had become in his creative career. How far we had come. He was a videographer/photographer; I was a writer who owned a small PR firm. Both of our lives converged with a common theme of story telling - his visually and mine via written narrative. We would have made a great team.

A few months later during a night of drinking in the city he messaged me late-night. This was odd because he rarely texted. When he was suddenly outwardly flirty I was shocked. But soon realized he was drunk and told him he’d feel stupid in the morning. I was worried, though, because he was clearly shitfaced and I didn’t want him to drive home to NJ in that state. I stated explicitly I was NOT flirting or trying to seduce him but to please take a cab across the park to my house to wait till he was sober. I’d give him water and coffee and stay up with him so he wouldn’t get into an accident. He continued to flirt and when I shut it down he opted to drive drunk instead. The next morning he called to let me know he was alive but he saw double the amount of lanes that he should have. He committed to not drinking like that again and also was scared I’d tell his wife he had been flirting with me. I assured him I had better things to do with my time.

But then mid-pandemic he messaged me one day saying he was coming into the city on his motorcycle and was going to take me for the ride he promised.

I figured, “What the hell!”

Immediately it was as if time shifted and folded onto itself. I was both a 52-year old woman but also a 20-year old one. I was in the same Doc Martens Marco had gotten for me 30 years before. Levis/band t-shirt. It was as if time existed in two places at once with 25 years in the middle completely erased. Two different time periods spliced together as if by a skilled surgeon.

He held my hand, had his hand on my leg. It was clear something was happening. Nostalgia is a quicksand. We were both feeling our age. Just ask my neck, which I had lifted just months before. Wrinkles, aches, pains. How mortal we were. There was such a bittersweet loss and longing for when we had been together the first time, the future laying out before us. Now there were no surprises. It’s hard to get into real trouble in your 50s. Also, the half -eaten sandwich was getting moldy. What were we waiting for?

Clearly this was a man miserable in his marriage. A tale as old as the day is long. It is boring just typing about it.

And then we kissed and I asked if he has ever cheated before. He replied that despite his wife falsely accusing him of it for the last 16 years he has indeed been an altar boy.

I told him that he was surely going to feel awful guilt when he saw her that night. He said he wasn’t so sure. YOLO. I told him to call me the following day simply to tell me how he felt. I was scared he’d hate me forever for indulging his indiscretion.

Before he dropped me off at my house he brazenly said, “I don’t just want to kiss you; I want to do everything with you we didn’t get to do when we first dated.” I rolled my eyes. He ended with, “I want to have sex with you.”

Ballsy!

I knew exactly what he was doing. I believed because I had denied him for years he knew I was a safe bet to say no now, especially seeing he was married. He wanted the fantasy of being able to have an illicit affair without the threat of really having one. I was going to call his bluff and teach him a lesson.

I said, “Ok. I’ll consider it.”

I figured the next day he’d call in horrible guilt.

But no, he doubled down.

Again, I called his bluff and said ok.

I didn’t want any of this. He, once again, thrust himself into my life, much like he did introducing himself to my mother years before.

He reminded me he was indeed my half-eaten sandwich. It was time to resume.

I finally agreed, willing to bet all the money I had that he’d choke at the last minute. I was so excited about teaching him a lesson and having a good laugh about this. I will always have a soft spot for him.

But now, over a year later, I was the one who got taught a lesson and no one is laughing.

What initially I thought would be a non-starter at best, a one-time fling at worst turned into a full-fledged serious relationship, culminating with him taking me on vacation to NC to stay at his friend’s house while his wife was in Bulgaria.

The year was generally blissful except for the same brick wall we hit over and over: I wanted him to tell his wife the truth. It never sat well with me he was lying. He would say she was getting suspicious: smelling me on him, seeing my name and birthday trip on their shared calendar by mistake, and even going so far as asking him point-blank. Each time he’d deflect.

We’d go see art, eat, do creative projects. I’d come with him on work shoots and we watched just about every low-budget horror movie we could find. We message all day and all night, never mentally far from each other.

I don’t think either of us expected this to grow into what it did or last as long. At least I thought this was extremely meaningful to both of us. He’d tell me he’d only risk his marriage for me.

But we had waited to just be together without the stress of his wife being around for over any year. The NC trip was so carefully planned It was to be the climax of our whole 34 years.

And climax we did. But after great heights can sometimes come a great fall.

And I hate to say I TOLD YOU SO, but just like I told him at least 100 times that his wife would eventually find out, she did. He always swore he’d tell her the full truth if she discovered our relationship. He just could never pull the trigger because he was tied to her and the marriage financially.

But when she found out it appeared he still wasn’t giving her the full story.

And just like that the blurred lines were not just blurred but erased.

***

I started looking back at all the foreshadowing. A writer and self-proclaimed Nancy Drew, I wanted to do forensics on our year together. Surely the Universe had given me signs he was the same old Marco from my youth. I had mistakenly thought how great it was he matured and evolved so much. I admired the man he grew into. I didn’t expect him to become so stable and caring and was so happily surprised. In our youth we both had very rough edges, but they had softened considerably over the years. But at the end I realized it was all just an illusion. Ever the filmmaker, his careful planning of our year together was a script he carefully storyboarded and projected for my eyes only. We were each other’s confidants for a full year.

I have kept the receipts before that term existed. Just like he and I both kept our old love letters and cards to and from each other for a whopping 34 years, pictures of us taken back in the late 80s, etc., I now kept our full Whatsapp transcripts, every porn video, series of sexy pictures, messages on IG/FB/Telegram (!) and text.

I reread each one, looking carefully over ever picture he took and sent. Analyzing each video, no mater how vulgar as if looking over crime scene footage. I was a lovelorn, brokenhearted CSI detective. Where did this veer off the road?

What I found super interesting is over the year he’d always take amazing pictures of me. But from one of the very first ones the only note I made was wondering why he cut off my legs.

When I complained, he accused me of not thinking him talented. Which was totally untrue. The pictures he’s taken of me have been some of the best I’ve ever seen of myself.

BUT WHERE ARE MY LEGS?

I had visited him downtown for lunch by his job. I was wearing these little black booties that have big silver stars on them. It seemed weird to cut me off at the knee just after my dress.

He’s a professional, so this wasn’t a mistake. Maybe my legs looked weird? Did I look fat?

Anyway, after that it became a running (see what I did there?) joke about how he needed to remember to keep my legs in the photo.

But again, when I saw another portrait he took of me, I noticed my legs weren’t completely erased but were severely blurred. He knows how to edit photos and film. This wasn’t some amateur mistake.

So now, after our upheaval post-trip, I began scouring all the pictures he took of me. While the first merely cut me off at the knees, some that followed blurred my legs. He has a foot fetish and would often ask me to send pictures of my feet, implore me to let him pick out my pedicure color, etc. So this wasn’t about him not liking my feet or legs.

So why this mini-erasure? Was it a subconscious symbolism? Was he alluding to the blurred lines of our relationship?

I went back and looked at one of the very first pictures ever taken of us together in 1990. He had recently resent it, poring over all the archives of everything he kept from us for over three decades.

And there is was, we were both blurred. As if ghosts existing in some purgatory or limbo. Did this 1990 photo foreshadow our relationship 34 years later. This feeling of waiting for something to happen?

He’d say he wanted his marriage to end organically. I questioned him about what he meant. A marriage ends organically if one of the spouses dies. Was he wishing that? Awful! And if he was the one to die, well then we did this for nothing! We wouldn’t get to be together after all this angst anyway.

The only other way a marriage ends organically is if one partner requests a divorce. He didn’t have the gumption to do this, often citing financial issues. So was he hoping his wife would just one day ask for one? That seemed unlikely. She was so attached she was always very nervous he might cheat.That wasn’t the mark of someone who would wake up one morning and want the marriage to end with no catalyst. He said, “Well she might decide it’s better for her to be with a vegan, a yogi, someone who has more in common with her.” My meat-eating, anti-exercise paramour had a point. But it wasn’t likely.

He came to my house and set up four cameras, to have multiple angles for a film we made. Interestingly, in reviewing the 11-minute footage of our film, again, even from the ceiling camera, the edges of me are blurred. Did he do this on purpose? I understood why he didn’t want the camera to focus on himself. If his wife every came upon all this footage she’d kill him. But why are all my lines blurred? Am I actually dead and is this all just a dream? Are we somehow in a simulation? A world Marco and I somehow created. Did we somehow die on that motorcycle ride back in April of 2022 and no one told us? Was our limbo being played out in Bayonne and the Upper East Side, this feeling of waiting for Godot never dissipating?

On our trip to NC, finally free to do anything we wanted without the fear anyone finding out or being rushed, we made another video. This time, after careful planning and no rush, at the end we realized the cameras didn’t work. Only a side one seemed to capture us, but blurry.

While upstairs with his friend, I was downstairs reading. Apparently he was editing pictures we took. Again, they were beautiful, but again my legs were blurred.

The next followed so were my hands.

He jokingly commented, “Do you have hands or paws?”

He was quite literally erasing me.

It’s interesting to note his social media moniker is “Fade2Nada” a nod to his Cuban Chinese heritage. But also probably the biggest foreshadowing of all that we wouldn’t flame out, we’d just fade away.

Once back in NYC, after his wife found out and he was in NJ waiting for her return from Bulgaria I messaged him that I was basically stuck in his own version of “Boxing Helena”. He and I love Lynch so it seems fitting he’d be recreating his heroine Sherilyn Fenn, in me. Photo by photo, film clip by film clip.

So now here I am, the victim of someone’s mashup of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Boxing Helena, a pencil end and photo-editing software.

If I felt unseen and unheard at 19, it’s much worse at 53. I mistakenly thought the sandwich was half - eaten but now realize it was cut into thirds, because this still doesn’t feel finished.

I guess I will have to wait another 34 years to finish this story - a figurative After Midnight.

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