#but sometimes in a good way
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year 3 phd here we go baby
on the other. just came back from the lake district (field trip with the undergrads) and the lecturers leading the trip all brought me back samples of lamprophyre while I was traipsing round and sliding off hills in the rain (i love nature... nature does not love me. lamprophyres in a space both entirely accessible yet uniquely deadly for the likes of me). absolutely devastated by this sweetness. what good eggs
#days gushing about lamprophyres – very weird igneous rocks. pretty rare too#and all of them. brought back samples. for me. do you know how I FEEL#they're so sweet I will die#love demonstrating for geology but also. I am very much not fit enough for these hills#the wheezing purple figure with a virulently green hat waddling over the horizon – that was me#but we still love the rocks! we do this for the rocks#some amateur wildlife videographer among the undergrads did also capture a spectacular video of me sliding down a hill. all elegance I was#phdee#phdying#but sometimes in a good way
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for anyone too young to know this: watching The Truman Show is a vastly different experience now, compared to how it was before youtube and social media influencers became normal
before it was like, "what a horrifying thing to do to a human being! to take away their autonomy and privacy, all for the sake of profits! to create fake scenarios for them to react to, just to retain viewership! to ruin their happiness just so some corporate entity could harvest money from their very humanity! how could anyone do something so evil?"
and now it's like, "ah, yeah. this is still deeply fucked up, but it's pretty much what every influencer has been doing to their kids for a decade now. probably bad that we've normalized this experience"
#the truman show#sbs rambles#I keep thinking about how children on popular youtube channels should probably have laws to protect them#social workers assigned to them maybe#I dunno#they did not sign up to have their lives sold for profit#but here we are#tho#I guess none of us signed up for it#and our data is harvested more than ever#god#high-tech capitalism sucks turns out#OH WAIT because tumblr is bad at getting context sometimes#let me specify:#I am not saying that the movie The Truman Show is bad or that it normalizes this#like all good sci-fi (because it is kind of sci-fi) it's there to warn us of what the future could hold#and it did that in a very good way - it's a beautiful movie#I could see someone with a bad faith take assuming I meant that it was part of the problem#it absolutely wasn't. it didn't normalize this; we did#youtube did and social media#it's us that's the problem#or more specifically: big corporations and a lack of regulation#that's the origin of most modern problems
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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.
we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."
at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.
the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.
the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.
what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.
here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.
#this is true#writeblr#warm up#relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes#amongst the Siblings#is like - ''this is so good u will love it''#while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting#like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good''#to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good#(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and#like. we're GONNA try the new thing.)#edit to answer why we had so much vanilla:#my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house.#it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out''#even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter.#my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract#to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids#so like she was right to stock up#ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that#u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it#> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes#> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out)#listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9#when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it.#3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters#i am the middle child#out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite
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sry i have chronic only draws megumi disorder the doctor said it's terminal :/
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#fanart#jjk fanart#megumi#me: 'i like yuuji and megumi Equally :)' also me:#i cant help it hes so fun to draW hes so easy to draw i love you i love you i love youuuuuu#also this is kiiind of me making good on that poll i did forever ago saying id draw catboys . so as promised here is A Catboy :3#hes sooooo meowmeow hes so gd CUTE god i love . fushiguro mEGUMI#to b fair i Do like yuuji and megu equally ffgsdjfdjh#sometimes u just gotta spend the whole entire day fully rendering what was supposed to be a megu sketch sheet#but now it is . just a char sheet by talos this cant keep happening#this all started bc i still want to practice/tweak the way i draw faces but it would appear i cannot control myself#also been loving drawing the cat megumi plush gddff fushiguro mewgumi is my favourite animal crossing villager#anyway so much for working on speed this was a fun 10 hours#its ok . i do it fr him <3 geto voice i dont mind being killed by you
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been going a little bit insane about this sentence from Ace by Angela Chen for the past week
#replace this with any other type of significant relationship too#also! this book actually rules btw i really recommend it#i didnt read it when it first cane out bc i was like. well i am already pretty familiar with asexuality and not rly interested in 101 stuff#but it turns out it doesnt feel 101-y at all its a super awesome piece of queer theory and also chen has Good opinions#and not weird watered down ones that i am sometimes wary of in aspec communities (frankly especially ace ones)#i think maybe if more people approached asexuality the way chen does (including and maybe even especially ace people)#i would be more inclined to still ID as ace#but anyways!#aro#aromantic#<- tag selections that reflect how i personally engage with this quote#also#described in alt text#also also#j tag#:/#aro media
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this moment has had me in a chokehold for hours
#you can see his accent so clearly#sometimes he's too british even for my british ass#by the way i tried so hard to get a good quality video of this but i just couldn’t#my gifs#oliver stark#911#family feud
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Covenant
#yugioh#ygo dm#kisara#seto kaiba#kaiba seto#ygo#GET HIM BABY <3#this is my ideal blueshipping dynamic. btw#sometimes a super cool powerful dragon is soulmates with a little asshole. and you gotta rip him in half a bit#its for his own good trust me#but it's ok with me if you interpret this as mortal enemies doomed to rip each other up over thousands of years through every reincarnation#zelda ganon link style#also good god why did i do this it took so long and i got so insane about every frame#I LEARNED A LOT YEE HA#watch me actually look up how to do animation and realize i did everything in the worst slowest possible way#art tag
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I was going to make a joke about my instinctual need for pizza, except then I remembered that sometimes a craving for a food means your body needs something in that food. Like how if you really want pickles you might actually be dehydrated (not always though, sometimes you just want pickles, or maybe it's both). Or so I've been told and anecdotally that's seemed to have borne out for me.
It's strange to me how some people seem to consider animal instincts as something that compels them to work like machines, like an automation, instead of an emotional whim that they lack the capacity to pause and wonder about. Like the things we consider human instincts, a random "hmm, I want to do this for some reason", and then go about doing it. An emotional whim that overtakes them, instead of a scripted, coded command.
Maybe migrating birds just start to feel like going south. Building a nest just for fun seems like a good idea. Being overcome with the sudden urge to sing, and - immediately afterwards - the desire to beat the shit out of this other asshole who is trying to sing on your goddamn turf. The fact that they are things that need to happen to ensure the survival of the species doesn't mean they aren't also things that they want to do. Birds only do things that they want to do, they spend all their time doing whatever the fuck they feel like doing at that exact moment.
Human instincts aren't involuntary compulsions, either. They are urges to do something, whether or not you know or understand where these desires stem from. The idea that humans are free of instinctive behaviours because of ~power of intelligent reason~ is just as goddamn absurd as the idea that we, too, are slaves to them. No, what makes the difference is having the capacity wonder why, how, and where the instinctive desire comes from.
An animal who instinctively reacts to an unnatural situation in a way that doesn't serve the survival of this individual or the species as a whole isn't broken, it's just doing something that feels right. I don't think that a shark who bites an electric cable doesn't understand it doesn't have any nutritional value, it just goes "ooh, this looks like something that would be fun to bite."
What makes us human is being able to look at a softly shining, bright-coloured, soft and deliciously scented pod of laundry detergent, being aware of the instinctive desire to take a bite out of a delicious, fragrant, ripe fresh fruit, and being consciously aware that in this particular situation, it would absolutely not be fun.
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you know sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat remembering the phrase ‘more than just romantic’ and feeling like I’ve been knocked down a hill by the reminder that Dan and Phil are like ,, actually together. it’s not just a weird online shipping two twinks thing they’re actual soulmates, companions through life, 4000 year old tortoises, RANCH, like a piece of furniture, like a normal gay couple ,,, what the fuck
#like what the fuck#?????#what the fuck ?????#anyway#sometimes I remember how happy they are and I feel like crying#they both deserve each other and happiness and love and comfort and safety and care#and all the other good things#so fucking much#and I’m so happy for and proud of them#(maybe a little bit in a parasocial way maybe)#phan#dan and phil#amazingphil#dip n pip#phil lester#daniel howell#dnp#danisnotonfire#dan howell#dapg#dnptit#terrible influence tour
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Been playing dragon age again. I dont think her clothing texture is supposed to do that probably
#hal speaks#i love this game so much#and MAN does it feel like its barely holding itself together sometimes lmao#with the whole constant crashing issue im brute forcing my way through#but its so good <3#dragon age origins#dragon age
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It is not what you do for me that makes me love you. It's your kindness. Your empathy. How much you care. Just being you is enough, Colin. I do not need you to save me. I just need you to stand by me. To hold me. To kiss me.
#bridgertonedit#bridgerton#polinedit#polin#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#colin x penelope#loved how colin came to terms with lw through pen's old letters#not hearing from her all summer sent him into such a tailspin that he had an identity crisis and invented a whole new persona#but rereading the letters he had missed made him realize that the part he wanted to separate from penelope was her all along#he had fallen in love with all of her without even knowing it#those letters and the lack of them were really the catalyst for his love for her#also how he admitted that his pride and ego got in the way because sometimes you can't help but struggle with feeling inferior#and unaddressed insecurities always come back#idk man#eight episodes of them telling each other you're enough you're good you're beautiful and i love you#mine
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silly comic based on a time i struggled to read live on stream :thumbsup:
context clip compilation below ASDASDFASA
(cw for brief mention of hospitals/strokes)
#in stars and time#isat#isat odile#isat siffrin#isat spoilers#<- not big ones but the convo this stems from occurs on 3rd floor before king act 2 so#cw hospital#cw stroke#<- brief stroke talk in the clip thats why#odile i am so sorry for making u deal with the fact that i cant read#or just input words?? where there arent any??? i dont know why i do that????#these streams have made me realize i sometimes just autofill words when reading SAFADDA#also random side headcanon i was thinking of while drawing this#is odile speaks alot with her hands?#idk why i just think its fun?#and kinda makes sense as someone who has travelled a lot thru different countries?#personal observation but you can convey/tell a lot without knowing a much of a different language via body language#as someone who grew up with family who spoke a different language that i do not speak LMAO#especially hands!! those say a lot!!#reading body langauge/tone helped me a lot when guessing if what was being talked about a good thing or not#tho tone to a lesser extent since uh it can be hard to tell at times i think ASDFDA#so it makes sense to me???#the art of pointing in general location is a universal skill i think?? yea#to a lesser extent i think siffrin might do this? but more subdued/under the cloak so#the cloak ends up getting in the way 90% of the time so no one can actually see that lmao#okay tag talk over#no stream time today because weather boooooo storms
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comforting hug
#sometimes ur thoughts r just too loud#or the road sign is just a lil mean#either way its a good thing to keep ur bf around#COUGH#kim kitsuragi#harry du bois#harrykim#disco elysium
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sure i find you in my hair and under my pillow and in the car. but i know in my heart you are picking me out of your teeth. i know i am burning through your sundays, sticking to your ceiling.
i hope i'm in every bitter cup of coffee and every candle wick and every bath. i hope my shadow flickers under your door so the empty hallway i have left behind is a swift dart of nothing more. i hope you find me in notebooks and stop signs and fleetwood mac - like i am marginalia on your life, i want my fingerprints burned into your days like acid.
i loved you, and you know i loved you, and for the rest of your life i will be the person you broke. for the rest of your life i hope the shame of that runs like a cattle dog, bites at your heels. i hope every time your cup is full or the moon is a toenail or a cat is purring or a laugh is in your belly or the sky turns pink while the sun is setting - i hope you remember that someone loved you, and you crushed them in your palms. you extinguished every future i lit. i hope that haunts you.
i hope you never fucking forget it.
#warm up#this is pretty negative idk it's more a creative writing thing#bc im kinda like.#i have mostly kept my mouth shut about stuff but isn't it nice to go apeshit once in a while#i only feel this like 30%#bc im like. well this is a pretty negative way of processing#but it is a step of processing#and sometimes we gotta be like. u ever just want that person to BURN#(good news for those in the BURN stage: it's almost done. ur almost out.)
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THE WILLIAMS ❤️❤️❤️🤤🤤
They look so good on your style OMGG ❤️❤️
I’m glad yall liked the Williams comic!!!
#ask reply#honestly the reaction to that comic was way more than I expected#but I’m so glad it hit well with yall#especially shout out to the DSAF fans#you guys really just keep yalls hype up and high and we’re so nice#very good vibes all around#I’ll hopefully draw some of these Williams again sometime#game William I definitely could do more with#and in general I’d like to make more jokes around the books but we’ll see#AGAIN TYSM FOR ALL THE LOVE on that comic 💜
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I just thought of Izuku immediately shooting up in the hero rankings like a week after he becomes an active pro-hero again because everyone is so happy that he's back and Katsuki wants to be annoyed that Izuku ranked higher than him so quickly like he would've been, once upon a time, but he really can't be because this is what he worked eight years to see, and now he can finally compete with him again. So he sits in his apartment, TV on, watching Izuku try not to stutter his way through his first returning interview with fondness and pride, and thinks it's finally time to put some actual effort into climbing higher on the hero rankings.
(Not that being #1 is his priority anymore. He's just happy that he gets to fight alongside Izuku again, that they can compete with one another as equals, and that they can complete one another like two sides of the same coin. For the rest of their lives.)
#i love them so much guys#i need more post canon bkdk now that we actually have the ending of bnha#bnha#boku no hero academia#mha#my hero academia#bkdk#bakudeku#dkbk#dekubaku#ktdk#katsudeku#bakugou katsuki#katsuki bakugou#midoriya izuku#izuku midoriya#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#edited this a lot bc i found a better way to word it#sometimes i get inspiration and don't write a fic for it but i do post it on tumblr#if anyone... happens to like this little thing i wrote... yk... feel free to write an actual fic......#i'm jk i don't think my ideas are THAT good i just thought this was cute#most of the time i actually DON'T post my little ideas to tumblr they go straight to the notes app 😭
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