#but sometimes i look at the word count and then at how far ive actually gotten into the story and im like

[nymika-arts]

mood atm

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

HI ILY!!! i was wondering if u could do a argument fic likeeeee katsuki and reader got into a argument and they are both DISTRAUGHT bc they’re so corny and in love and hate fighting but the argument was bad and they’re oh so sad whatever whatever !! and katsuki has to make it up to them EEE !! PLEASE I LIVE EAT SLEEP AND BREATHE UR FANFICS !! LOVE U CASHHH🤍

operation : trouble in paradise !

katsuki tries to get his boyfriend privileges back..

EEEE TYSM AND I ACTUALLY LOVE THIS ASK !! Its my guilty pleasure like both parties hating to argue bc they love each other so much im so sorry that’s adorable. and again ty SOOO much !!! hope you enjoy, ive actually gotten a similar ask, so that one ill try to have that come out soon !

FEM READER, katsuki is melodramatic, argument, fluff fluff despite argument, 3rd year bk squad boys !, kissing, making up yipeee, reader likes flowers,lemme know if i missed sum else !

“she fuckin’ hates me.”

for the past ten minutes he’d barged into kirishima’s room, bakugou has been moping. wallowing, even.

“no she doesn’t, man..” kirishima reassured. for the umpteenth time, he’s honestly lost count. he’d tried putting a hand on the boy’s shoulder earlier but said boy had shrugged him off angrily, grumbling out a dramatic “don’t touch me.” despite being flopped face down on his bed.

“i know her better, kirishima. yes she does.” the blonde insists, voice muffled by the redhead’s pillows. kirishima sighs, patting his friends leg before making his way to his office chair across from the bed, ignoring the muffled grumbles bakugou lets out.

“how bout you just..go apologize ?”

“i already told you i can’t. she—”

“yeah, she hates you. got it.” kirishima finishes his friends sentence, causing the blond to groan. “look dude, you’ll never know unless you try. you’ve been together for ages now.”

“a year.��� katsuki corrects, he purposely forgets to mention he knows exactly how many months it has been too. kirishima nods excitedly, trying to get him out of his frankly sad state. “yeah ! so, this shouldn’t be anything man. arguments happen all the time, no matter how much you love each other.”

katsuki feels his ears burn at the word love on his friends lips, he’s told you he loved you of course. but it still felt weird to acknowledge it.

he turns just enough for his scowl to be visible to his friend, who sends him an encouraging smile.

“so what the fuck do i do then ?” kirishima grins wider, sharp teeth on display. “there we go, that’s more like ya, dude !” he exclaims. he quickly shuffles to grab a notepad strewn onto his messy desk (kirishima’s desk was so messy it made katsuki itch sometimes, a shiver almost passes through him whenever he sees the state it’s in)

kirishima drops onto the floor, placing the notepad onto his mattress and scribbling, with a pen katsuki has no idea where he fished out, a messy “operation: get your bf privileges back !!!!!!” bakugou fixes kirishima with a dead look, the other only tilts his head, still cheerful.

“what ?”

“what the fuck is this, kirishima.”

kirishima scoffs at the blonde’s dead tone, “listen man, you wanna win your girlfriend back or not ?!” bakugou squints at him, hard. but only let’s out a loud sigh. kirishima takes that as his answer and with a nod continues writing down notes.

katsuki groans to himself, looking down at his friend scribbling down his grand plan, and he better hope it works.

maybe you should call him..

no, you won’t. it was his fault you were like this anyway.

..but maybe you went a bit too far..?

ugh. you groan, rolling around in your bed. you’d tried to distract yourself by going through your tiktok feed but it seemed the world was against you or your fbi agent hated your guts. your feed was either overly cutesy couples content that made you miss your angry blond, or break up videos that made you miss him even more.

ugh. you shove your head even harder in your pillows.

you’re really trying to hold your ground, because you want katsuki to know he’d hurt your feelings, but now that you think about it you don’t even remember what you’d argued about. it was petty for sure, you’re about 80% sure it was a petty argument.

maybe you should—

you shake your head, steeling your nerves. so what if it was a dumb argument ?! that didn’t mean he could get away with everything!

“uuuugh,” you groan out loud, you miss your katsuki.

a knock at your door startles you. it must be mina, you’d texted her earlier that you were mad at your boyfriend and she’d told you that she “excepted all the deets of what his dumbass did this time as SOON as i get back !!!!” and you were waiting, maybe venting about it could make you feel better and less dramatic.

you open your door expecting to see your overly excited best friend. but instead—

flowers, almost whacking you in the face you might add, are shoved in your face before you can get a word out. you squeak in shock, they’re pretty though, your favorites. and you know only one person who knows what your favorite flowers are.

“wh-katsuki ?!”

and there he is, red faced and angry. scowl on his face and bouquet of pretty flowers in hand.

you can’t tear your eyes away from him, he can’t keep his eyes in one spot—flying from you occasionally to your door to the flowers and repeat. he blinks, you blink.

“here.” he grunts, waving the flowers towards you. “f’r you.” he glances at you.

“o-oh !” you exclaim suddenly, whisking the flowers towards yourself. the bouquet is big, it’s definitely a bit bigger than your head. katsuki searches your face to gauge your reaction“i—uhm! thank you..” you utter shyly, katsuki grunts. he shoves his hands in his pockets the moment you’ve gripped the bouquet, kicking at something you can’t see on the floor.

your heart skips a beat. tentatively, you lean against the door “didn’t take you for a flower guy..”

he scoffs, kicking the toe of his sneakers against the floor “‘m not.. but you like these, right ?”

trick question. he knows you do, you mentioned in passing these were your favorites, unless you suddenly decided you didn’t like these anymore. then he’s fucked. but he decides to continue despite the worry growing in his lower belly, the plan was already a go now.

“i—uhm, listen..” your boyfriend fumbles, he throws his head back and groans when his words won’t come out right. you give him a tiny smile, his eyes soften just a bit.

“i fucked up, okay ?” he admits, scratching at his nape “shouldn’t have said all that shit to you, or whatever..” you can tell he’s beyond embarrassed. he’d melt if he could get any redder, he keeps scratching and won’t look at you for more than a few seconds at a time and katsuki who’s always the loudest in the room can barely manage a mumble. you know he means it though, he never did anything he didn’t feel like doing. you wait for him to continue and he looks at you then.

“i don’t ever like arguing with you. ever.” he insists “so jus..forgive me, kay ?” he finishes quietly. your heart jumps and leaps and you can’t stand acting cold anymore. you walk a bit closer to him, the flowers block you from fully being close to him.

katsuki’s eyes are wide as you lean in to kiss right next to his lips, you laugh at his bewildered expression and his eyes soften when he snaps out of it. he rolls his eyes, you smile wider.

“i forgive you, i’m sorry too. i don’t like arguing with you either..” you admit, katsuki reaches for your hand, you feel the tips of his fingers brush against your skin, you give it to him and he grips it tight. then he leans in and presses a kiss to your lips, it’s a sweet little apology kiss that turns a bit too passionate after a while, and you pull him towards you and into your room away from prying eyes. katsuki kicks the door shut behind him and pulls you closer by your waist.

“guess i gotta—thank shitty hair..” he mumbles in between kisses, “an’ i owe him twenty bucks.”

you make a noise against his lips and pull away, raising a brow and holding his shoulders when he tries to lean in to kiss you again. “what’s that mean ?”

your boyfriend huffs “told shitty hair i’d give him twenty bucks if his shitty plan worked.”

“plan, what plan ?” you ask, katsuki squints at you, a grumbling noise comes from his throat, almost a whine.

“yer really gonna make me spell it out aren’t you..” he mutter bitterly, shoving his head in your neck. he continues, “shitty hair helped me come up with a plan to make you not mad at me anymore. i told him it wouldn’t work, he said it would, and we bet on it.”

you laugh in disbelief, katsuki chomps at your neck to silence you, squeezes his arms tighter around your stomach to make you wheeze, but you can’t stop laughing. “that’s so cute !”

“shaddup.” he growls in response. you muffle your giggles in his shoulder. katsuki grumbles some more and you run your hands up and down his back.

“well then,” you hum, pressing a kiss to his nape, his arms around you tighten. “i guess we’ll both have to thank kiri then.”

[anemoiashifts]

why you should get off social media if you want to shift.

before you scroll away, i want to challenge all of you to read all of this. this is one of my longest blog posts ive ever made with over 1,000 words. if you can or can’t make it through the whole post, please let me know how far you’ve gotten in the comments below. you’ll get a surprise at the end 🥳 !

social media isn’t an inherently bad thing. however, outside & inside of the shifting community social media (specially tiktok) has been shown to effect our attention span. this shows in my comment sections on my longer tumblr posts that i also share on tiktok, such as this one, when people say things like “im not reading all of that” or “can someone summarize” also “what method should i use” and “why am i not shifting”.

let’s start with the basics of shifting. shifting attempts need some kind of focus; an affirmation, a visualization, some sort of task like counting. if you’re someone who struggles to focus, you will struggle to learn how to meditate or any hobby or task you’re tying to accomplish. all shifting methods are is a meditation. while no, you don’t need a method, I would make the argument learning how to meditate & focus your attention to what you are trying to manifest is an important part of shifting. if social media creates an instant dopamine reward without little effort, the appeal of shifting seems less. this is why i think a lot of people actually like thinking about shifting & creating content for it rather then doing it — because trying to shift requires some level of work without instant reward even if it’s as simple as laying down & setting intention.

if you try to shift & you wake up in your cr still, that isn’t as exciting when comparing it to the idea of shifting. rather, if you post an edit or a video about your dr you will receive a dopamine hit through video interaction (comments, likes, how social media platforms are set up in general). even maladaptive daydreaming can fall into this category to some. the interest in attempting to shift dies because we feel like we aren’t gaining anything from it when that’s not true. when laying down & attempting to shift, we are meditating & training the brain to focus on what we desire most: we’re correcting our attention span.

social media destroys the ability to focus & what we focus on & give our attention to allows room for that desire to grow, to become reality. if we’re always so overwhelmed with information & have so much to stress about, it’s important to recognize what we consume & how it effects our mood & mental health & how it can sometimes delay our manifestations. im not saying you have to be positive all the time, but we’re exposed to so much that it’s important to check in with yourself every once in a while. this can be where shifting content comes into play vs non shifting content. think demotivation, you don’t look for it, it just appears. & how many times have you opened tiktok to look something up to only be distracted by a completely unrelated video that automatically started playing ?

what i mean is people are telling you what shifting is, what works for them (which you could register subconsciously & believe that’s a step by step guide), rather then self discovery. people are telling you what shifting is, how to do it, what to think, what to script, what method you need to do, even if they say “this may not apply to everyone” because of how it’s being presented & spoken about. the said popularity of a method or definition may also come into play & feeling like something has to be right or work because other people align with it. its like math class, the teacher shows you one way to solve a problem then says “your allowed to use your own methods” & shows you one example of it then goes back to using the original method in class that you don’t understand.

another reason is opinions. when being shown so many people speaking on shifting & their thoughts it can be overwhelming. it’s a great thing so many people are willing to talk about their experiences in their desired reality or want to share their personal breakthroughs & opinions on what shifting is, it can be confusing. while everything i just listed is well intended, leaning about shifting through places like tiktok & not venturing out & doing your own research — or just searching methods online & trying it yourself while going in blind — it takes away self discovery.

so, how do we learn about shifting ?

when i say get off of social media, i don’t exactly mean all social media. yes, all of these things happen across the internet but the difference with tiktok is that the fyp isn’t so prominent. this of course also applies to other feeds that are generated, but a lot of the shifting community is ok tiktok so im using the most known example. it’s important to search & decide what information you consume & seek out rather then being told something without stopping to think for yourself. you want the chance to be able to create your own thoughts. your own unique thoughts you have about things make them personal & your own beliefs become stronger when you realize things on your own. it’s more satisfying that way.

places like reddit & searching for questions you specifically have so you don’t have ten more questions shoved in your that you didn’t have before that cause you added worry or unnecessary fear is helpful to keep in mind.

there is room for grey area. not everything needs to be black & white. there should be no consciousness vs multiverse theories because two things can both be true at once. Ike thing doesn’t have to be against something, you don’t have time pick a side. it’s all theory & hypothetical. it’s okay that we 100% don’t know (& will probably never know) what shifting truly is. not everything needs to be discovered to preform it “correctly”. you don’t need to be a master at painting to paint, you don’t need to know how paint brushes are crafted or how canvas is stretched to preform, anyone can sit & learn as they create their first & second & tenth piece. even people who have painted & sold their artwork for millions, don’t know the great’s techniques. they know pieces of them & take what works & discards what doesn’t serve them.

this post isnt to negate any of the good social media has done or sound like my mom & preaching about how social media destroys your brain…but i think we should be mindful of what we consume & how it makes us feel & if we’re speaking for ourselves or parroting others words. there are so many great people & advice out there & im not trying to take away from that. i just think taking a moment to stop & digest what we’re seeing is healthy. this blog post has been a long time coming but i know a lot of people wouldn’t want to hear it. i can promise you, you are more addicted then you think — myself included. i just don’t wake you guys to look back in 10 years & have spent more then half of that looking at a screen when there’s so much life to be lived. i don’t want social media to take away from what we are all here for which when we come down to it is living. shifting is literally wanting to experience life & i can’t help but find it ironic that this is the opposite of everything we wish to accomplish through this practice.

please take care of yourselves. much love.

surprise :) congrats you made it ! here’s your digital slice of cake ! 🍰

[clownwritesfanfic]

Wake Up Mr.Sleepyhead - Touya Todoroki x GN! Reader

I just…I had to write something. I have so many feelings about him.

Spoilers for Season 7 Episode 8

I am not caught up with the manga so I only know as far as the anime. If there are canon things that haven’t been revealed yet in the anime then it will not be in here, I’m using headcanons and my own interpretations.

Summary: The boy everyone had affectionately called “Mr. Sleepyhead” has finally woken up from his three year coma. You never imagined things would go down hill so quickly.

Warnings: Canon typical violence, Reader is emotionally fucked, Reader has a quirk, Reader has hair long enough to run fingers through

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Word count: 6,460

Disclaimer: Reader is kept as ambiguous as possible. This fic is safe for plus size readers and readers of colour. If you find something that contradicts this, please let me know. No use of (Y/N).

Reader and Touya are both 16

———————————————————————

It’s been three years since he showed up.

You still remember that day so clearly.

You were thirteen when he arrived. You had been there since the opening of the children’s house. A man approached your parents when your quirk got out of control when you were eight and offered to enroll you in his newly built “school”. It felt more like a daycare than anything else. You learned a few school subjects but there was a lot of quirk training as well.

You were terrified, but persisted. Since you were one of the first, you got to witness other kids joining, and some of them got to leave. No one knew where they went, and Mr. Sunny wouldn’t disclose any information either. He’d always try to change the subject. You learned pretty quickly to let it go and not think too hard about it.

All the new kids always flocked to you. You were one of the few left from the first group, and kids were always so curious, so they always pestered you with questions. Because of this, you became one of the unofficial helpers. Mr. Sunny was the only staff, other than the doctor that would come in every few months for check ups or if someone got injured passed what a simple band-aid could fix. And then of course there was the House Master.

He never showed up in person. He always spoke through a screen. You were probably one of the few people that actually saw a glimpse of him back when he propositioned your parents.

Because you were so popular with the kids, it was easy to help care for them. They all saw you as an older sibling, even calling you as such sometimes. Although, over the years, you got tired. You hated this place. And you slowly started to hate the people in it. You hated how needy some of the kids were. How happy they all seemed to be despite never being allowed to see or talk to their parents. All the intense quirk training and unwanted child rearing wore you out. You slowly started to become a shell of a person. You were able to fake a smile in order to please the kids and throw off any suspicion Mr. Sunny had of you, but deep down, you couldn’t feel emotions anymore. You didn’t care about any of the kids that adored you.

And that included him.

You knew, once he was wheeled in on his bed, comatose, that you were going to have to help out. And you were right.

Mr. Sunny took care of any bathing and dressing issues, and the doctor took care of any medical ones such as replacing his IV and monitoring his healing. But you were in charge of keeping him company whenever you could and shooing away any stray children that snuck in to his room.

You hated it. You thought it was stupid. He’s in a coma, what sort of company would he need?

You mostly sat by his bed, staring at him. Waiting for some kind of movement so you could do anything else but this. But the only movement you saw was his chest slowly rising and falling and the only thing you could hear was the beeping of his heart monitor.

He looked awful when he first showed up. He had reconstructive surgery on his jaw, and third degree burns all over. They did manage to have someone with a healing quirk try and speed up the recovery, but they could only do so much. You weren’t gonna lie…you didn’t want to be near him at first. Because of his burnt, dead, skin he smelled awful. He needed to be bathed regularly but that could only do so much.

As he healed, and fresh new skin came in on some parts of his body and face, he started to look (and smell) better. You watched his healing process from start to finish. Talking to him sometimes as there was nothing else to do and sitting in silence can only get you so far with out wanting to rip your hair out.

You talked about anything and everything. The weather, the other kids, training, any trouble you had with the little school work they actually provided, how curious the kids were about him, etc. Over time, you started to enjoy the time you had with him, even if he never responded.

It was nice to get away from the rest of the “family”. Plus, it was an excuse to get away after a particularly hard session of training. Everyone here had powerful quirks. A lot of them had bodies that couldn’t adapt to their quirk. That was supposedly the purpose of this place. To help people cope with it all.

Luckily, you weren’t one of those people, your quirk didn’t effect your body much. Over use would exhaust you but it wasn’t as bad as some of the other kids. And definitely no where near as bad as this kid.

It was a normal day at the school when he woke up. You were watching over some of the older kids while Mr. Sunny took the younger kids for nap time. Most of them were doing some kind of arts and craft or playing, others opted to catch up on some school work.

You were helping a girl with her writing when you heard one of the new kids shout.

“Oh, the sleepyhead’s awake!”

You didn’t pay attention to what she was saying, more so the volume at which she spoke.

“Keep it down. You know the young ones are sleeping.” You scolded not looking up from the paper the girl was working on.

“Mr. Sunny!” A different girl yelled. “The sleepyhead’s awake!”

“Oi!” You shouted at her, still not noticing what everyone was yelling about. “He’s busy. Sit down and be quiet.”

“Where…am I?” A deeper and raspy male voice spoke. Now, that got your attention.

Your head snapped up towards the door where the voice came from and stared directly at an all too familiar face. Holy shit…he’s awake. His eyes are so…blue. You don’t think you’ve ever seen eyes that blue before. Seeing him awake and standing was weird.

You were released from your thoughts when the new girl spoke to him.

“This is our home! You slept for…let’s see…three years! You slept for three whole years! I just arrived, so I don’t know much, but that’s what Mr. Sunny said.” She explained. He looked shocked and upset at the news.

You stood up abruptly, your chair squeaking loudly on the floor. “Caroline! You can’t just spring something like that on him! You’re just confusing and scaring him.” You reprimanded as you walked over to the two.

“Ah…I-I’m sorry…I just…” Caroline tried to explain herself.

“Go sit down. I’ll handle this.” You sighed.

“But shouldn’t we tell Mr. Sun-“ another voice spoke up from the back of the room but didn’t get to finish when you interrupted them.

“NO! Don’t say anything to him yet. I’m handling this.”

You grabbed the white haired boy by the wrist, he was breathing heavily at this point and seemed to have zoned out.

“Come with me, quickly.” You dragged him out of the room and down the hallway. This seemed to snap him out of his trance as he tried pulling against you.

“W-wait! Hold on, what-“ he started before you shushed him.

You opened a closet door full of cleaning supplies and shoved him inside as he kept protesting. You shushed him every time. You slid into the closet next to him and shut the door.

“What the hell is going on?!” He practically yelled at this point.

“Shut up!” You whisper yelled at him and grabbed his shoulders. There wasn’t much room in the small closet but this was your best shot at being hidden for a while.

“Listen, I don’t know much about you myself, I don’t even know your name. All I know is that one day, three years ago you were found covered head to toe in third degree burns and had a missing jaw. You went through surgery to fix what they could and for three years you’ve been in a coma here. I don’t know why you specifically are here, it must be something to do with your quirk, because this is a place for kids with powerful quirks that they can’t control so they can get help. This is all I know, the grown ups don’t tell us much. I’m sorry…” you quickly explained, keeping your voice down.

“I…” He tried to process everything. “A coma? Surgery?!”

“Shhh! Not so loud. I know you’re freaked out right now and confused and I wish I could tell you more but I genuinely do not know anything else, but if it makes you feel any better…you weren’t alone. I was tasked to sit by your side basically since you arrived here.” You tried your best to calm him down.

“Really?” He still sounded like a child and you supposed he still was one, mentally he’s still 13 and everything must be so terrifying to learn. You don’t really know why you were trying to comfort him. You don’t like him anymore than the other kids. And you didn’t like them at all. You pitied him, you guessed.

“Yeah…I talked to you almost every day. Look, you’re safe here. As long as you follow the rules and don’t cause too much trouble you’ll do fine.” You sighed.

“No, I…I have to go home.” You felt despair at his words. You knew he was never going home. No one that came here ever went home…not if he could help it.

You were about to explain that to him when the door to the closet opened, blinding you both with the shitty fluorescent lights from the hallway.

“Ah, there you two are. Now, sunny, I know you’re excited that your friend is awake now, but you know why kids aren’t allowed alone together. I’ll take it from here. Please join the others in the activity room.” Mr. Sunny smiled down at you two.

You blushed furiously at the implications of his words and ripped your hands away from the boys shoulders and crossed your arms.

“You know damn well that’s not what was happening.” You muttered as you stomped past him.

“Language, sunny!” Mr. Sunny sing songed.

——————————————————————

It was night time now, all the younger kids were fast asleep, having been put to bed an hour ago, and the older kids were winding down for the night and getting ready for their bed time.

You however, were lingering outside Mr. Sunny’s office. The door was wide open…so it wasn’t like you were eavesdropping, but you were staying out of sight.

You felt like something was wrong. Like something bad was about to happen. Touya, you learned his name was at dinner, seemed adamant that he was going home. You just wanted to be there when the news was broken to him. You’d gotten used to being the therapist all the kids come running to.

“I have to get home!” You heard him plead.

“You can’t do that, sunny!” And there it was….the ball has dropped.

“Why not?” Touya argued.

“You’ll be living here with everyone else now, sunny! This is your new family! I’m sure it’ll feel like home soon!” God, you hated that fucking flower freak. You were told the same thing and you know how much it stings to hear that.

“Wait a minute! I have to get home! My dad…He probably just had work and couldn’t come. I’m sure he’s worried! I did…and said…some terrible things. I need to apologize to Mom and the others…I need Dad to see what I can do.” You could hear the pain in his voice, and yet…he still sounded like a child.

“I’m gonna be a he-“ He got cut off.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think that can happen anymore.” You flinched at the voice. It’s him.

“Your burned up body was extremely hard to repair. The missing parts were filled in with regenerative tissue. Your face makes you look like someone different, but even so, you survived.” The voice cracked through the speakers.

“What are you saying? I don’t understand…someone different?” Touya whimpered.

“You can’t use your power like you did before. There was damage to your organs. Your senses, including your sense of pain, has been dulled. Your body is weakened. It will never go back to how it was before.” Damn….you didn’t know it was that bad. You felt pity for the boy.

“We would have liked to receive you in full health, too.” He continued. You could hear Touya’s shaky breathing. “We did our best, but unfortunately, we failed.”

You could hear him trying to hold back his tears. You peeked your head in and saw him bent over, clutching his face.

“It’s hard, isn’t it? You poor thing. But WE might be able to make your flames go back to normal! How about it? Will you try joining our family and learning together with us?” You wanted to punch that asshole. He ruined countless children’s lives. He ruined YOUR life. Who knows how many more of these places he has running.

“Shut up.” Touya spoke. You could hear the anger boiling in his voice. “I don’t want to learn from anyone else. The only one who can teach me is…” he threw the keyboard at the computer screen “my dad!”

“Don’t do that, sunny!” Mr. Sunny intervened, grabbing his shoulder that stupid smile on his face.

“Be quiet!” He yelled as he fought back, activating his quirk. You could feel the heat form the doorway. “Shut up!”

Suddenly, the whole room was ablaze. Touya turned and stopped when he saw you standing there. You stared back at him blankly. He huffed and ran past you down the hallway. You knew you could stop the fire. You knew it would’ve been the right thing to do. But you couldn’t bring yourself to care, this was your one and only chance at freedom. So you ran after him.

You caught up to him when he tried pushing open a locked door. You grabbed his wrist again and started pulling him towards the front enterance.

You both ran out the front doors as the entire building was quickly engulfed in flames. You let go of his wrist and let him lead the way. You could’ve gone your own way, but you followed him anyway. It’s not like you were dying to go home. As far as you’re concerned, you lost any family you had when your parents gave you up.

You stayed next to him as he slowed down. Soon, he was trudging along, both of you now in the middle of the city. The streets were lit by restaurant lights and the hanging street lights.

“I have…to go home.” He spoke more so to himself. You weren’t even sure he knew you were next to him. Your hands were shoved in your pockets as you looked around. You remember him saying he lived in Musutafu. That was the next city over. Not too far that it was impossible, but it would take a few hours to get there on foot.

He finally snapped out of his trance about an hour in. Most stores and restaurants were starting to close now, leaving only izakaya’s and yatai open. You passed a few with drunk patrons sat around on stools loudly chatting and laughing with each other.

You were surprised you hadn’t seen a single hero yet. In a city like this, you’d think there would be a bunch crawling around. Especially at night. At least you two were being left alone.

“Why are you following me?” He spoke up. He sounded tired. Ironic, considering he slept for three whole years.

“So you don’t die. Besides….I didn’t have anywhere else to go so I wanted to see this home you kept whining about.” You answered with a shrug.

He huffed and it was back to silence for a few minutes. He seemed to be deep in thought again as you two walked the streets.

“I killed that guy didn’t I?” He suddenly spoke up again.

“Probably shouldn’t say something like that out loud. But yeah, most likely. Bastard kinda deserved it though.” You replied.

“The whole place caught fire…oh god I probably killed everyone else…” He started to freak out.

“Nah…probably not everyone. Some of those kids have quirks that could be useful in a fire. They probably saved a bunch of the others. You probably only killed a few of them.” You realized that wasn’t a very helpful thing to say but it was too late.

“Why are you so nonchalant about this?!” He yelled, grabbing your shoulders and shaking you slightly. You were now both stopped on the sidewalk as he hyperventilated.

You sighed and scratched the back of your neck. “Touya…I never gave a shit about anyone in the damn place. I was never attached to them. Everyone there annoyed me. I wanted to be left alone, but the kids liked me so goddamn much that I was put in charge of them against my will when that freak was busy. They became attached to me while I felt absolutely nothing for them. They were never my family, no matter how hard that idea was pushed. I was given up by my parents because they were terrified of my quirk. I lost all sense of a family when I walked through those doors for the first time. I don’t care if they lived or died. I’m just glad that place is burnt to the ground and I’m out of there. So if anything, I should be thanking you.”

Touya was shocked at your lack of care. He started to notice how dull your eyes were, how tired you looked. Now he was the one that started to pity you.

He let go of your shoulders and rubbed the back of his neck. He sighed and turned to continue walking. You followed a pace behind him silently.

——————————————————————

Hours later, it was the next day. It was dark and cloudy even though it was around noon.

Touya had come to a stop in front of a rather large traditional looking estate. You stood beside him as he stared at the huge double doors that lead to the front yard.

“Jesus…no wonder you were so desperate to get home. If my home was as nice as this I’d have burned the place down myself years ago.” You joked.

“I told you…I’m a Todoroki.” He looked at you confused.

“Am I suppose to know what that means?” You lifted an eyebrow at him.

“My father is Endeavour? Number two hero in all of Japan?” He looked bewildered.

“Ah, right…not gonna lie…I thought you were lying about that.” You laughed.

He sighed, exasperated as he looked back at the doors and took a deep breath before swallowing.

He slowly pushed open one of the doors and walked through as you stood by and watched the boy you had been next to for the last three years.

He turned to you when he realized you were still stood outside the property.

“Are you coming?” He asked.

You flinched. “Do you…want me to?” You replied, confused. You thought this would be the end of the ride for you, you’d finally be alone after this.

He nodded. “I’m sure my parents will be able to help you. They would probably let you stay for as long as you want, or help you find a place to stay if you’d prefer that.”

You felt a blush ride to your cheeks. No one ever gave a shit about you like that. You didn’t know how to feel as you felt your heartbeat speed up.

You tsked and glared at the ground as you walked through. “Whatever.” You mumbled.

He smiled softly and closed the door behind you then made his way to the entrance of the house, you following behind him, hands shoved deep in your pockets.

He opened the door and let you in first.

“Mom? Dad? I’m home! I’m sorry for worrying you all but I’m back and I’m okay!” He called into the eerily quiet house. He stepped up from the genkan not bothering to put on any slippers that were near the door. You noticed that there was only two pairs at the front. You remembered him saying he had three siblings and both his parents lived with each other. But if only two people were out…why did no one answer?

You followed behind him as you looked around the spacious and very traditional house. You wished you lived in a house like this.

That’s when you both heard a childlike scream followed by an older male voice cursing and yelling commands.

Touya took off down the hall where the noises came from and you followed close behind. As you got closer you could smell smoke and wood burning and you could feel the intense heat.

He stopped at an open sliding door and stared in. You couldn’t see in from where you were standing, but you could see the flames covering the inside of that room.

Touya was stiff as he stood there, his hands clenched into tight fists. You could see tears falling down his face. Whatever he was seeing…it obviously effected him quite negatively. He silently took off down the hall as he wiped at his face with his sleeve and you stepped forward, the floor underneath your feet still warm from where he stood. You looked in and saw a young boy, probably around eight, hunched over on the floor. Perfectly split red and white hair covered his face. That must be Shoto. Touya told you about how much he resented him as a kid. The huge man standing over Shoto, holding a piece of wood must be Endeavour. Looking at him now…he doesn’t look like a hero.

You slowly went off in the direction Touya went, careful not to make too much noise. You came across an open door and looked in. There stood Touya in a nearly empty room. The most prominent thing in the room was a huge wooden shrine, intricately decorated, that he stood in front of, his hands held up in front of him in prayer. He stared blankly down at a picture frame sat in the middle of the shrine.

You debated walking in or leaving him in peace. You thought it safer to join him incase his dad left the room and saw you. You slowly and silently slid the door closed behind you and stood next to him. You looked at the picture he was staring at and noticed a younger white haired boy in a school outfit. That must’ve been him before the accident. You couldn’t help but think he looked a little cute.

You sighed and matched his pose. Bringing your hands up in front of your face in prayer. You didn’t know why, but it felt like the right thing to do.

You both left not long after that, climbing out a window in order to not be seen. You let him lead the way, going wherever he felt like.

It was an hour or so by the time you both came across an abandoned building. It looked like an office of some kind, it was also clearly the victim of a villain attack of some kind. You doubt normal robbers would attack an office and make this much mess.

Touya came to a stop in front of some fallen junk and sat down. He hunched over with his arms resting on his knees as he stared at the floor. You both stayed silent until you heard his stomach groan quite loudly. You chuckled breathily.

“I’ll go get some food. I saw a convenience store a block away. I’ll be back soon.” You spoke softly, not wanting to break the silence too harshly.

———————————————————————

When you got back you noticed he was laying down, an arm laid over his eyes.

“M’ back” you muttered, not sure if he was awake or not. You placed the two plastic bags full of food and drinks onto the nearby table. You noticed a laptop with a charger attached, the cable running off the table and onto the floor where it was plugged into an extension cord that was attached to the wall. He must’ve found it while you were out.

You heard shuffling and looked over at him as he slowly sat up. He was looking down but you could see the tear stains on his face and his bloodshot eyes. You didn’t comment on it.

He slowly shuffled over to you and looked through one of the bags. “How did you get this much stuff?” He asked.

“Stole an old ladies wallet and took the cash before she noticed.” You answered, pulling out a warm steamed sweet potato and handed it to him. You didn’t know what he liked but it was a popular choice so you guessed he wouldn’t mind. You also pulled out a water and handed it to him.

He took both items from you and went to sit down. He pushed down the paper wrapper and took a bite of the sweet potato.

“That’s pretty illegal ya know.” He said with his mouth full.

“So is burning down a school full of kids.” You retorted, a little annoyed due to being hungry. You pulled out a pork bun and bit into it.

He scoffed and you both sat in silence as you ate.

You finished the last of your bun and took a sip of your own water. You sighed. You felt bad for snapping at him, now realizing he was just teasing you.

“Touya-“ you started before being cut off.

“That’s not my name…not anymore.” He said dejectedly.

“Oh…” Now you know what he was really doing at his shrine. Touya is dead…now all that remains is the shell of a boy. “What…uh…What do you want to be called now then?” You moved over to him and sat down next to him.

“I don’t know.” He sighed, crumpling up the wrapper and chucking it across the room.

“Well…whenever you figure it out, lemme know. I wanna be the first one to call you that.” You placed a hand on his shoulder.

He looked at you and smiled softly, a light blush across his face.

——————————————————————

You woke up to the sound of typing and soft cursing.

You stretched your whole body, groaning at the feeling of your vertebrae snapping into place.

Your new friend looked over his shoulder at you. “Sorry.” He cringed. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” He looked back at the screen.

“Hmm…it’s fine. What time is it?” You yawned as you slowly stood up. Your body stiff from the pile of semi comfortable debris you piled together last night. You lifted your shirt and scratched your side.

“7:26am” he responded after glancing at the tiny clock in the corner of the screen.

You hummed as you walked over to the table and looked through the bags. There was a single small bag of chips left. You weren’t able to get much filling food yesterday and you both ate through everything else, him especially. You knew teenage boys ate like they were starving but damn was he hungry. Although you gave him some slack considering his body was forced to survive off the bare minimum to keep him alive for three fucking years.

You opened the chips and ate one anyway. You were regretting not buying toothbrushes and toothpaste but whatever.

“What are you doing?” You asked as you shoved another chip in your mouth. You tilted the bag towards him in a silent offer.

He took one and answered as he chewed. Normally you’d find that gross but you can’t be bothered to care right now. “Trying to connect to the internet but the connection is shit.”

“Trying to look at baby name sites to find your new name?” You teased.

He glared at you out of the corner of his eye, making you chuckle.

“How long have you been awake?” You ate a few more chips before leaving the rest for him.

“About an hour.” He mumbled as he tried connecting to the internet again.

“Alright, well, I’m gonna go get some more food. Hopeful something better than just snack food.” You said as you stretched your arms over your head.

“Uh…” He said as he looked up at you, his gaze going to your stomach that showed from your shirt riding up.

“Hm?” You fixed your shirt, not noticing he was staring.

“Your hair…” He trailed off looking at your hair all tussled from sleep. He thought it looked…cute.

You tsked and ran your fingers through your hair trying to fix it. “Better?”

He gave a thumbs up and looked back at the screen.

“Get cup noodles.” He said more like a demand.

“How the fuck are we going to eat noodles?” You questioned.

He lifted his hand and activated his quirk, small orange and red flames dancing on his palm, all with out looking up.

“Ah…right…” You forgot he could do that.

“Don’t steal money from an old lady again!” He called after you, teasingly.

You simply flipped him off as you left, not looking at him.

When you returned, more bags than last time with more than just food this time you saw him still looking at that damn laptop watching something.

You could hear the yelling and brutal sounds coming from the device. You set the bags down on the table.

“What are you watching?” You rounded the table to his side to look. There you could see videos of Endeavour fighting off villains, his flames taking up a majority of the screen.

“Oh…why are you watching that? I would assume he’s the last person you’d want to see right now.” You walked back over to the bags and shuffled through them.

“I’m studying his moves. He never saw what I could do, so I’m going to show him I’m better than his precious favourite. That I can be just as powerful as him.” He growled as he stood back and set his arm on fire.

“Ah. Well you can do that later. Eat first.” You muttered. You pulled out two cup noodles like he requested. You had more for later too.

“Steal more money from an old lady?” He smirked as he grabbed one of the cups.

“No.” You mocked. “…it was a salary man.” You smirked. That got him to let out a loud laugh and shake his head.

You opened your cup noodle and dumped the powder packet in then grabbed one of the water bottles you bought and opened it, pouring some water up to the fill line then handed the bottle to the white haired boy to do the same.

He grabbed yours first and held it with both hands wrapped around it. “Sure you won’t burn the whole thing?” You teased.

“Shut up. I’ve done this before.” He hissed as he concentrated on getting the temperature right. You watched in awe as steam started to steadily rise from the cup.

He put yours down and you placed your wooden disposable chopsticks down on the lid to keep the steam in.

“It’s not boiling but it’s hot enough. You just have to wait a little longer.” He explained as he did the same to his cup.

“Fine by me. I’m just glad to have a hot meal.”

When you both finished your noodles you both had some broth left over. Which made you ask him, “Do you think you can cook eggs with your quirk?”

“What?” He looked at you, puzzled. “I mean…I dunno…I never really tried but…probably. Why?”

You stood up and walked back over to the table and fished around in one of the bags and pulled out a small container of two eggs and walked back over to him and sat back down.

“There’s this hack I learned where you can make a sort of egg soufflé with the remaining broth from cup noodles so you don’t have to dump it out.” You explained as you took an egg out and cracked it into your cup. “You’re supposed to microwave it but we obviously don’t have that option right now.” You whisked the egg up into the broth with your chopsticks.

You traded your cup for his and watched as he repeated the same thing he did to cook the noodles. You could both see the egg starting to cook along the sides and you both exclaimed in joy.

“This way we can get more protein.” You cracked and whisked the remaining egg into his cup.

It took longer but he managed to cook the egg enough to your liking so you switched back and he started on his cup. You had to let yours sit for a while to cool down so you both made small talk.

When you were both finally finished eating, your friend wanted to practice his quirk so you sat near by and watched.

He punched his fist out and orange flames burst around his hand and up his arm. He lift his hand and you watched as the golden flames changed into beautiful blue waves of heat.

“Woah…” you gasped. It made him smirk.

“Cool, huh?” He gloated cockily.

“I’ve never seen anyone have blue flames before. Does it hurt?” You questioned.

“Not as much as before. That guy said my sense of pain has been nullified and I can definitely tell.” He responded as he looked at his arm.

You scoffed at the mention of that asshole.

He turned off his quirk and looked at you. “Who was he by the way? Why did he only speak through a computer?”

“Fuck if I know. He was always communicating through that thing. Never bothered to show up even though he owned and created the damn place.” You seethed. “He was called the House Master. You couldn’t call him anything else, I swear it had to be some kind of ego boost or fetish.”

“He never showed his face?” He asked.

“No. Not while I was there…but I did get a glimpse of him once when he approached my parents about boarding me there.” You picked at your nails.

“You said that it was a place for kids with powerful quirks…what is your quirk? It must be insane if you were asked to be one of the first students.” He realized he never actually asked what your quirk is before.

You stood up and walked towards him and stood a few feet away. You gestured for him to activate his quirk.

He lifted his arm as orange flames burst through once again. You lifted your hand towards his flames and soon they reached towards your hand away from him. You moved your hand around and made the flames dance around in the air. You brought your hand behind you and the flames followed, jumping to your other hand behind your back and following in front, bringing them in front of your face and letting it sizzle out leaving little sparks, revealing his shocked face.

“Woah.” He was in awe.

“It’s called Elemental Manipulation. I can manipulate and maneuver any element I want. There are limitations though. I can use it on any element found on the periodic table, meaning it’s basically unstoppable considering everything in the universe is made up of something. However, I can’t use it on living being like plants, animals or people, and I can only manipulate something if I understand it’s elemental makeup. Water for example is two hydrogen and an oxygen. So I can pull hydrogen and oxygen from the air and combine them to make water, but it takes a lot of energy and time. Fire is a little trickier though since it’s primarily oxygen. I actually can’t create the elements myself, meaning I can’t produce fire like you, cause while oxygen helps fire spread, you still need a heat source and fuel to really start it. It’s easier for me to just move already existing elements than create it. But you can see how dangerous it can be if worked on enough.” You explained.

“Wow…that’s…really awesome.”

You shrugged.

You spent the next few hours watching him train, giving him suggestions every once in a while and making him take breaks if he looked like he was over exerting himself.

The day went by quickly and soon you both found yourself laying next to each other in silence, sometimes chatting about something the other thought of, but you were both content just laying there.

“I think I found a good name.” He broke the silence.

“Oh yeah?” You answered. You were laid on your back, hands folded together and your eyes closed.

“What about Dabi?” He asked, slightly looking for your approval.

You opened your eyes and stared at the dilapidated ceiling. “Dabi…” you tried it out. You smiled and looked over at him. “I like it. Sounds cool and mysterious.”

He smiled back at you.

———————————————————————

For the following years you stayed by his side. You both met Giran and he took you both in for a while. You helped staple his peeling skin and scolded him every time you noticed his scars spreading. You helped dye his hair black. You even helped give him his nose piercings, and you were there when he joined the League of Villains, consequently, joining yourself.

You grew yourself, too. You got better at using your quirk, still not to its full potential, but much easier to handle than when you were younger. You helped fight for Shigaraki’s cause, although you would always keep your entire loyalty to Dabi.

You both found comfort in each other, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s why you agreed to help him when he asked you for a specific favour.

“You ready?” You asked as you stood over the shirtless man, sat on the couch. You softly cupped his face and caressed his cheeks with your thumb.

“I’ve been waiting for this for years. Of course I’m ready.” He grabbed your hand and brushed his lips on the back of it as he made eye contact with you. His eyes still as blue as the day you first saw them.

You smiled and went over to the video camera that was pointed towards him. He sat hunched over, his elbows on his knees, fingers pressed together in front of his face.

“Go.” You whispered.

“Sorry to interrupt.” He looked into the camera through his fingers.

“My name…is Touya Todoroki.”

[paradiseprincesss]

hi!! if ur requests r still open could we get a fic w robert fischer based on deja vu by olivia rodrigo? like maybe reader and robert had like a summer fling but to her it felt like more ykwim 😭 ive kinda been in the mood for some angst lately LOL

btw i love ur fics i start tweaking a lil whenever u post 💀💞

do you get deja vu? | robert fischer

hi anon, first of all thank you! you're so sweet, i really hope you enjoy this & i apologize that it took me so long to post it. i don't know why but i kept revising this fic over and over again. i wanted it to live up to your expectations LOL.

summary: sometimes we don't realize how much things meant to us until we no longer have it.

warnings: smut, p in v, angst, lovers to strangers, robert fucks up lol and now he's forever sad, mdni 18+ only

word count: 2.3k

the city of malibu was breathtaking; every moment spent here was somehow better than the last — how could a place be so beautiful? as you sat in the passenger side of robert's brand new luxury vehicle, you took in the beauty that you were residing in, whilst robert was taking in the beauty of you.

you weren't totally sure how this whole thing happened — but god, did it mean everything to you.

robert had approached you in a bar while you were out with your girlfriends in the city, offering to buy you a drink. one look at his face and you were agreeing because honestly; who would turn down a man like him?

after your friends encouraged you to keep talking to the handsome stranger, who introduced himself as robert, you two just clicked. conversation flowed effortlessly between the both of you, and soon enough, the two of you were going on your first official date.

it was safe to say that robert had charmed you completely, he had you enamoured with him — infatuated, truly. he was a true gentleman, classy and organized, not to mention that he came from money. after a handful of very upscale, fancy, and luxurious dates, the two of you had began seeing each other regularly.

neither of you had put an actual "title," per se, on what you had going on between the two of you, but at this point in time — you didn't see the harm.

so that's the story of how you ended up in robert's luxury car, speeding down the roads of malibu whilst he took you on a weekend getaway here. far, far away from the city you two both resided in.

"i'm craving ice-cream," you said to robert while the two of you were stopped at a red light, "strawberry, specifically."

"what, like right now?" robert asked with a small chuckle, sighing as he admired your breathtaking beauty underneath the heat of the malibu sunshine.

"yes, like right now."

"okay, let's go get some then." robert decided, his baby blue eyes melting your heart as a smile tugged at his lips.

true to his word, robert drove the both of you to a nearby ice-cream shop, and got you your strawberry ice-cream — one spoon for two. that afternoon was spent sharing laughs, sweet kisses, and the strawberry ice-cream that you'd been craving.

even though robert came from money and had more than you'd ever thought someone could have, it wasn't his wealth and status that snagged your heart. it was him, just good old robert fischer. not his money, not his materialistic things, not his cars, no — just who he was.

robert was caring. he was so considerate, listened to you, and was always there for you when you needed him the most. it felt like he was yours, and you were his — and that's how things should've been.

that's how the story should have ended.

but you know what they say; all good things have to come to an end at some point.

"robert," you said breathlessly, "take this dress off of me, please."

"sweetheart," he whispered against your ear as he unzipped your designer dress, "you're so beautiful, you know that?"

"i love—" you paused, suddenly hyperaware of the words that were about to leave your mouth, "i love that you took me here."

you weren't sure if you should've said it — i love you, that is.

robert and you had been seeing each other for the entirety of the summer by the time he'd taken you to malibu, but again; to you it felt like more than a fling. you just weren't sure where he stood with this whole thing between you and him.

"anything for you, sweetheart. i'd do anything." robert replied softly, turning you around as he slipped you out of the dress.

stood in your lacy, white, la perla lingerie along with matching jimmy choo's and stockings (courtesy of robert, of course), you face him with a blush. "how does it look?" you ask shyly, to which robert smiles and sighs happily in bliss.

"you..." he whispered, trailing off for a moment, "you're just so perfect — how are you mine?"

"yours?"

"mine, and mine only, sweetheart. don't ever forget it."

you'd soon come to never forget it — just not in the way you'd hoped.

robert took your hand in his gently, guiding you to the huge, king-sized, luxurious bed in his miami penthouse. no hotels over here; this is robert fischer were talking about — he owned homes down here.

you found your way into his bed, laid up in the pile of silk pillows, as robert found his way between your legs with his hands wrapped up in your hair. he kissed you passionately with a hunger that you'd never seen from him before.

you took your time helping him out of his suit, being dainty and deliberate with your movements — maybe you felt like being a tease tonight. after you'd gotten him out of your clothes, your lacy bra was long gone, but his hands wandered down to the scrunched lace of your underwear.

"may i?" robert asked sweetly, his eyes darting between your pretty face and perky breasts, causing you to blush profusely.

"y-yes," you whimpered, "i can't wait anymore."

"god, when you say things like that — i don't think i can either, sweetheart." robert groaned softly, finally pulling down your white lace panties.

up until this point — you and robert hadn't actually had sex yet. you thought it was sweet; special, even. you thought he really liked you, that he didn't want to sleep with you until you felt ready. obviously, you took this as a sign that he deeply cared about you as a person, in more than just a "fling" way.

as his cock stretched you open perfectly, you arched your back and let out a soft moan, as did he. he started to move in and out of your soaking cunt gently, truly taking the time to make sure you were enjoying this as much as he was.

his cock was thick — it had you feeling fuller than you'd ever felt before from previous partners, and it felt like his cock was made for you. with the way it stretched your pussy out perfectly, hitting every spot just right, bringing you closer and closer to the edge with each thrust he gave you.

"so beautiful," robert praised through gritted teeth, "and so tight, fuck."

"r-right there! mmph!" you moaned softly as his cock brushed up against that spongy spot inside of you, causing your cunt to clench around him.

"right there? is that it, sweetheart?" robert cooed, making you nod feverishly.

"yeah," you said breathlessly, "right — f-fuck! gonna cum!"

"thaaaat's it, my pretty girl. drench my cock so i can fill you up with my cum." he encouraged, causing you to see stars as you came around his length.

your pretty little noises pushed robert over the edge a minute or two later, his hips snapping into your cunt as he fucked his cum into you. as you looked up at robert, he had a small smile on his face and his cheeks were dusty. you returned the smile, and he sighed as he pulled you into his arms, wrapping you in his embrace tightly after he'd pulled out.

he whispered your name to you softly, causing you to stare up at him with admiration and love. "yeah?" you say softly, intertwining your hands with his as the two of you cuddled in between the sheets.

"i never want you to leave," he said, voice saccharine, "you mean so much to me, sweetheart."

"i—" you stammered, unsure if this was a good time to say it; but you figured it would be. especially after what he'd said to you, after the way he made love to you. "i love you, robert."

you smiled to yourself, but frowned when you realized you were just living in a memory — something that only existed in the past now. reality hit you like a freight train as you were brought back to your current situation; in the same bar you'd met robert at once months ago.

you weren't in miami with him anymore — you didn't even know who he was anymore; perhaps just a fragment of your past. you hadn't spoken since the end of august when the both of you had gotten back from your weekend getaway.

things had changed since then.

it was the middle of a bleak november evening, and the cold weather was depressing. summer had left as quickly as it had come.

"are you okay?" your friend asked as you sipped on your martini, looking as beautiful as ever — but for nobody in particular anymore. "that's your third drink, you sure you there's not something you want to talk about?"

"actually, there is," you say, turning to her as the two of you sat in a secluded little table in the corner of the bar, "doesn't she look familiar?"

as you pointed across from you, your friends eyes trailed along until they stopped at a woman who looked eerily similar to you.

she wore the same type of clothes that you did, down to the brand of high heels. her hair was the same colour as yours, so were her eyes, and not to mention she looked like she could be you if you didn't look too hard.

"looks like you found your doppelganger." your friend joked, nudging your arm but to her surprise, you didn't laugh — nor did you come close to even cracking a smile. "are you sure you're okay?"

"look at who she's with." you say bitterly, and your friend looked back at the woman to see that she was now accompanied by a man — a man who she knew as robert fischer.

at first, when robert walked into the bar on the crisp autumn night, you had to do a double take to make sure you were really seeing what you thought you had seen. once you'd confirmed it was him, you were about to grab your purse and drag your friend out of the bar with you — until you saw who he'd come with.

the woman hanging on his arm was a walking reflection of you; it was like everything was all reused. you silently hoped that maybe you weren't just another one of those girls who he pretended to care about; just saying whatever to get into their pants because they were just his type and nothing more.

but this woman couldn't just be his "type" — she was a mirror image of you.

"is that—?"

"yeah," you answered your friend, "it is."

"didn't he tell you that you guys couldn't see each other anymore because of his fathers passing?" she asked you, to which you nodded, throwing back the rest of your drink.

"i told him i loved him and he told me he didn't feel the same. after everything we did together and everything he said. after he called me his and his only — the thing with his father was just some excuse."

"what a piece of shit," your friend scoffed, "but it seems like he might still be thinking about you — i mean, it looks like he's looking for you in every other woman."

"do you think he gets deja vu when he's with her?" you suddenly ask, causing your friend to laugh softly.

"probably," she tells you, "i mean, who's to say he isn't going out with her just to feel like he has you again?"

"do you really think so?"

before your friend could answer your question, you heard your name being called as you both peered over at the sound. at first, your heart dropped because of the familiar voice that had called out your name — but when you looked over at him, you almost flatlined on the spot.

he hadn't even realized you were at the bar, and that's when it hit you — she even had the same name as you, which made everything ten times worse? or awkward? or weird?

"oh shit," your friend said with shock, "she has the same name as you, too. you can't tell me my theory isn't true now."

"my god." you whisper, feeling at a loss for words in this very moment as you watched the two of them together.

he had his arm wrapped around her waist the same way he used to do with you, but the way he looked at her was completely different. there was something missing in his once lively, baby blue eyes — he seemed so blank. like he was there but also, he wasn't really.

you overheard fragments of their conversations; they were talking about the songs you two used to listen to together, and he told her all about how those were "his favourite songs." you also heard him tell some familiar jokes — the same jokes you two used to laugh about.

back when he was yours for the time being.

"i'm going home, you coming?" you ask your friend, swallowing hard as you felt yourself become teary-eyed.

"yeah, yeah, i'm coming."

as you both made your way to the exit, you took one last look back at robert and his new girl, just to get one last glance — but when you looked back at him, he was already looking at you.

time stopped for a minute, and you'd sworn you'd never seen someone look so full of regret in all your years of living. every time you thought he was going to look away, he didn't. he continued to look at you as if you were otherworldly — as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing in that very bar.

but you reminded yourself of the heartache he caused you.

so, with a heavy heart, you walked out of the bar as you turned away from him, letting him relive the past and linger in the feeling of deja vu.

@girlinterrupted505 @ciriceimpera @jordyn-yeager @thevelvetvampyre @galactict3a

@xanaxiii @nocturnest @psylrd @bloodandglitter207 @humbuginmybones 

@oceanstem @futurefamousdeadmusician @jonathancraneslittlepet @dolleyednymphette @kpopgirlbtssvt 

@ll4n4 @ilovetoxicfictionalmen @the-buddy-things @ellebelleshelby @wiseyouthinfluencer 

@aprilsfrog05 @minedofmoria @strangeobsessed @5tud10-54r4h @franzine-xii @stsrfujid

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Pairing : Seungmin/Minho x F!Reader TW : arguing ; reader feeling unwell ; reader depression (Minhos) ; reader fainting ; reader su**ide attempt (Minhos) ; hospitals ; IV's (Seungmins) ; the boys being jerks honestly (this is obviously not an accurate depiction of them) ; very angsty ; fluff at the end but it's like a sad kind of fluff??? ; Word Count : combined - 6.3k (Seungmin - 2.4k) (Minho - 3.8k) Request : Anonny : Can u write a VERY angsty drabble(?) but with a fluff ending when seungmin/minho argue with reader on how they don't take care of the house and don't let them explain, but the reader was extremely sick and out of the sadness they try to clean and end up fainting, wake up when seungmin/minho come and fluff at the end? A/N : OF COURSE I CAN MAKE IT VERY ANGSTY! THIS IS WHAT I LIVE FOR! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REQUEST!! I HOPE YOU LOVE IT!!

Seungmin

Seungmin had been staying at the dorms for a while since his schedule was so packed, and usually you’d be begging him to come back home because you missed him, and it’s not that you didn’t miss him, quite the opposite actually. You had gotten ill, and at first, you thought that it was just a minor bug that you’d get over in a couple of days. You didn’t expect for whatever it was to completely take you out of commission, leaving you bed bound for what felt like forever. 

You weren’t the type to whine to anyone about being sick though, especially not Seungmin, not because you thought he didn’t care, you knew that he did, he cared far too much sometimes, and you knew that if you had told him, he’d try to juggle looking after you and taking care of everything at work at the same time and he’d end up just as sick as you. You’d hate to pass whatever it was that you had onto him, and potentially even the other members when they had so much to work on, so you took care of yourself, and honestly, it was easier that way. 

You didn’t know how long he’d be gone for, and you really thought that you’d have more time. Time to get yourself feeling better, time to get healthy enough to get back on the chores that you had abandoned for a bit just to take care of yourself. It’s not like the house was in complete shambles or disarray, there might have been a few dishes in the sink and the rug hadn’t been vacuumed in a few days. There was some laundry that was most definitely building in the hamper, but it’s not anything that couldn’t be started and finished in the span of a few hours once you were feeling like yourself once again. 

“For Christs sake…” You heard Seungmin mutter to himself before you had even registered the sound of the front door unlocking. “It’s a pigsty here. What the hell has she been doing?” He continued to talk to himself as he made his way through your shared apartment, and you could hear the dishes being moved in the sink, rather loudly, only further worsening the headache that you had. Before you had the chance to even get out of bed to explain, he walked into the bedroom, finding you laying down, surrounded by pillows and covered with so many blankets you should be overheating. “Wow!” He exclaimed, shaking his head as his tongue tsked in disbelief. 

“Minnie…” You sighed, trying to push yourself upright, the motion causing your head to spin and your stomach to tighten. “I’ll… I’ll get on the things that need to be done… I just haven’t been feeling well and-” He scoffed loudly, cutting you off mid sentence. “I’m serious… I-” 

He cut you off again, not even letting you finish before he started to talk. “How convenient that you get to lounge around and be lazy while I’m working to pay the bills. All I ask is that you clean up after yourself. You’re filthy.” He spat the last word at you, and if you weren’t so exhausted from being up all night coughing, you might have had the energy to start crying. All you could do though was stare at him, confused and wounded by the words that he threw in your direction. “I’m glad that you thought you could take a vacation though while I’m busting my ass all week.” 

Your head shook quickly, only making you more sick. “That’s not… I’m not on vacation I’m… I don’t feel good… I’m so tired and… I think that maybe I should-” He laughed loudly, although the sound was more sarcastic than anything. It had you wanting to sink down into the mattress, disappear into the thick foam and hide away from him. 

“You think I’m not tired? I shouldn’t have to come home thinking I can finally relax after working for a whole week and then have to clean up after you.” He snapped, and you wanted so badly to argue with him, but he wasn’t going to listen, he was already pissed off and he didn’t want to hear what he thought to be excuses. “You know what? I can’t… I’m going back to the dorms. You’re just… ew. I can’t.” 

Your mouth stayed shut as you watched him walk out of the room, then the front door slammed shut. He had left. You hated when he was mad at you, you wished he would just listen, but you knew well enough how he got when he was irritated. You wanted him home, you missed him dearly, you loved him. In his mind, he had every right to be mad, and while what he said wasn’t the nicest, it had come from a place of his own exhaustion and annoyance. 

“Sorry…” You muttered, not to anyone in particular, but you wanted to get the word out, the word that you had been holding onto for so long now. He’d come back if the house was clean, that’s all you had to do, and while your body was run down from being up all night and any slight movement had you feeling like you’d throw up at any moment, you needed him there with you. 

You pushed yourself to get out of bed, your legs wobbling once they hit the floor, but you hoped that you’d get better if you just started moving. The AC had been turned off and the heat had been cranked up, but you were still shivering, just another sign that the fever hadn’t broke yet, but maybe moving around a bit would help… You weren’t sure how, but you could hope. 

It was a miracle that you had managed to start the laundry, the constant bending over and standing straight back up to throw clothes in the wash had your balance absolutely shot, but a couple seconds of leaning against the machine had you feeling a little better, or at least like your equilibrium had balanced out enough for you to move onto the next task. All you had left to do was vacuum and do the dishes. 

To run the vacuum would require too much movement, and you didn’t want to jump into that, not yet at least, so you opted for, what you thought would be, the easier job. You made your way into the kitchen, just the small walk had you out of breath and hunched over the sink as you tried to keep yourself from puking. Your hands shook as you turned on the tap, it felt like you were shivering, but it was far worse, you couldn’t get it to stop. Your vision seemed to black out constantly, like you were blinking a little bit too long and far too much. 

It was like lifting weights, getting the dishes out of the sink to wash them, and even though the water had steam coming up from it, your hands felt like ice. The room was spinning at this point, and you couldn’t keep yourself upright, the exhaustion from everything, the fever, it had all taken a hold of you at once, and before you knew it, the glass that had been in your hand was shattering against the floor and you crumbled down right next to it. 

His phone vibrated in his pocket nonstop, he knew it was a phone call, and he assumed that the first two times it happened that it was you asking him to come back. It wasn’t until the third call came in, throwing him off during practice that he yanked his phone out, prepared to tell you to stop bothering him until he saw the number. 

“Hello?” He answered, confusion lacing his tone. He could hear in the background of the call a slight commotion, and while he usually wouldn’t be one to worry about things like that, there was something about the feeling of urgency, the fact that this random number had called him 3 times in a row that had a certain sense of panic creeping up on him. 

“Yeah, I’m on the phone with her boyfriend right now.” The person on the other end responded to someone nearby, and Seungmins stomach dropped. What the hell was going on? Who was this lady talking to? Obviously it was concerning you, and now he was extremely concerned about you. “Sorry, uhm… Your girlfriend, she uhm… She had an accident and…” 

He was already grabbing his jacket off the hook and pulling it on, his feet ghosting him through the practice room doors and down the hall. “An accident? What kind of accident? Is she okay?” He rushed out the questions, sprinting now as his stomach rose into his throat. Had you tried to come to the building to talk to him? Was it a car accident? Were you okay? 

“She fainted… There’s glass everywhere and… The paramedics are making sure she isn’t cut up or anything…” Those words only had him panicking even more. Glass? You fainted? Had you been driving and passed out? He didn’t hear any cars in the background, and he didn’t hear any emergency vehicle sirens. “Her fever is really high… They’re uhm… They’re taking her to the hospital… Right now? Yeah… Right now…” 

The lady was obviously talking to the paramedics in between trying to give him any sort of information, and it was extremely frustrating to have any sort of details being relayed to him through the phone. “Is she gonna be okay?!” He shouted, his mind in a haze now as he stood outside the building, probably looking like a madman as he ran his hand through his hair trying to figure out what exactly to do and where to go. 

“I’m not sure.. They’re loading her onto the gurney right now… They said… She’s breathing… But the fever is too high, she… She might have an infection or something? I don’t know… I’m sorry.” The lady spoke as fast as she could, and Seungmin tried to listen to the voices that were coming in through the background, but they were muffled and grainy and he couldn’t make anything out. 

“I’ll meet them at the hospital. Thank you.” He was sure that he probably sounded inconsiderate, and when he had the chance, he’d apologize to whoever the lady was for being so short. Right now though, he just wanted to get to the hospital that you were being taken to and make sure that you were alright. 

One text to Chan and his hyung was racing out of the building, clearly confused and worried by the vague “I need to go to the hospital” text that Seungmin had sent him. It was hard to explain everything during the ride considering Seungmin had not an inkling of an idea of what was actually going on himself. All he knew was that you were there and the last things he had said to you were nothing short of awful. The guilt was eating away at him and he knew that if anything worse happened while you were in there, he’d never forgive himself. 

“Are you gonna be o-” Chan began to ask as he pulled up right outside the emergency doors, but Seungmin was already out of the car. The thing is, he didn’t know if he’d be okay. It all depended on you, how you were right now, whether you’d be able to leave the hospital with him. He wasn’t okay right now though, he was far from it. 

A fucking kidney stone. It explained everything, but it also sucked. They had to do emergency surgery to get it out since it was becoming septic and apparently you were pretty damn close to dying. It was a good thing that you had dropped the glass and that the person in the apartment directly below you was so nosy. If it hadn’t been for her rushing up to see what the loud bang was, you probably would have died on the kitchen floor. At least, that’s what the doctors said. 

“Hey… sweetie…” Seungmins voice came from beside you, and you could have been angry, you should have been angry at him. If he had just listened, you probably would have been in the hospital a lot sooner and you wouldn’t have had to almost bust your head open on the kitchen floor just to get the attention of someone. 

“I washed the laundry…” You whispered, because even though you should have felt nothing but rage at him for being so rude, instead you felt nervousness. Would he berate you still in the hospital? Of course, you should know that Seungmin loved you, that he’d never mean to hurt you, but right now, after everything that you’ve been through, you just weren’t sure. 

He sighed softly, reaching out to grab your hand, gently and making sure to not touch the IV that was poking out from the vein in the top. “You shouldn’t have done that… You were sick, Y/N… Really sick.” His head shook as he scooted the chair closer to the edge of your bed, his other hand moving up to cup your face, his thumb brushing along your cheek. “You didn’t text me… You didn’t call me to tell me that you were feeling so bad… If I had known… Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Your bottom lip jutted out into a small pout, refusing to look at him as you averted your eyes to the TV hanging on the wall. “I didn’t want to tell you… I didn’t know what was wrong… I didn’t want you or the guys to get sick…” And even though you weren’t looking at him, you still felt comfort with his hand in yours, and you intertwined your fingers with his own. 

“It was a… a kidney stone, sweetie… That’s not contagious, it’s deadly…” He murmured, his tone, although quieter now,  still holding the same urgency it had when he had first found out from the doctors what was going on. “I could have lost you… I…” His breaths were shakier now, just the thought of being without you had him on the verge of tears. He wasn’t the best at displaying emotions, not unless it was done in a teasing manner, but he knew that right now wasn’t the time for that. “I love you… And, for the love of God, if you’re feeling any type of sick… Tell me. Please, just tell me. I don’t care if it’s something contagious, I don’t care if I get it myself. I’m your boyfriend, I’m here for you, I always will be… You just have to let me. Can you promise me that? Promise that you’ll let me take care of you?”

Minho

It was that time of year. There wasn’t anything specifically pleasant or unpleasant about it, it was just… that time. Seasonal depression was just something that you had, and as much as you tried to find happiness in the things around you, it was hard. There wasn’t a particular reason why you were so down, your mind just had those days, or moreso, months, where it made you think and feel this way. You had looked it up, it was actually a common thing, although it usually happened more around the winter holidays, but there was no set time for one's mind to decide that it didn’t want to produce the serotonin that it needed. Your mind just decided that right now was the time. 

You never told Minho about it either, you didn’t want him to think that something was wrong with you, you didn’t want him to leave you or feel like your emotions were a burden, so you had kept it to yourself, hoping that you’d be able to hide the symptoms of your depression from him when he was around. The thing is, him being around in general just helped, his presence alone kept your mind off of everything, he made you happy. If he knew that though, he’d push himself to be with you more often, and you knew that his career, his members, they needed him more. 

Thankfully and unthankfully he was on tour when your bout of depression kicked in. He wasn’t there to be that ray of light that you needed when that dark cloud above your head started to pour, but he also wasn’t there to potentially find you sitting in the bathroom crying because you had accidentally spilled a drop of tea on the counter after just cleaning it and it made you feel like an absolute idiot. Maybe it was better that he wasn’t around for things like that, it would only worry him or confuse him or push him away from you, all things that you didn’t want. 

Some episodes were worse than others, and this one wasn’t bad in the sense that most people would think. You just didn’t want to do anything, you didn’t want to get out of bed, you didn’t want to move. The only thing you had managed to do in the days that you had been laying in bed was cry, because ironically enough, you felt useless and worthless for being so lazy but you didn’t want to get out of bed so it just made you cry more because you didn’t even understand yourself sometimes. 

The only thing that you made sure to do was feed the cats and make sure they had fresh water and that you cleaned out their litter pans. It wasn’t their fault that your brain was fucked up, and you loved them like your children, the least you could do was take care of them, especially since Minho had trusted you to look after them. As soon as you were done making sure they were cared for though, you would retreat back to your shared bedroom and climb under the covers, your mind running rampant just thinking of things that would send you into another fit of tears. 

“Lovey, I’m home!!!” Minhos voice sounded through the entire house, and your heart sank, your own worries taking over. You thought that you’d be over your episode by now, but it had only seemed to get worse the longer he was gone. The only optimistic thought you had was that maybe his presence, his own happiness would rub off on you and pull you out of the slump that you were in. “What’s that… Oh my god, ew…” His footsteps carried him further into the home, but he paused right where the litter pans were, and you realized that you had fucked up. You hadn’t cleaned them yet today, but you made sure to feed the babies, and give them the water. You just weren’t in the right headspace, you forgot about the litter. “Leave her in charge for 2 weeks and she can’t even keep up on this…” He grumbled, and then his steps sounded out once more. 

The words already had you going into a state of panic, your throat closing up and your chest rising and falling faster as you held back your tears. You didn’t want him to see you like this. “Shit… Shit shit shit…” You mumbled to yourself, quickly trying to get out of the bed before he had the chance to come through the door, but you had been a little too slow, the bedroom door flying open and hitting the wall, causing you to fall back against the pillow, pulling the blanket over your head. It was childish, it was foolish, but maybe if you hid yourself he wouldn’t yell at you. 

“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” He muttered, moving closer to the bed and yanking the blankets down. The look of disgust on his face, the way his eyes rolled with his annoyance, it hurt far more than he’d probably ever understand. “Did I wake you?” He questioned, but it wasn’t genuine, it was snarky and rude and you knew that he didn’t actually care if he did wake you or not. “Is this the only thing you’re good at, ‘cause it sure fucking seems like it. You can’t change the litter pan? You don’t even have to change it everyday, all you have to do is sift it most of the time.” 

Your eyes squeezed shut, looking at him only had you falling silent, and you thought that maybe if you didn’t see him you’d be able to explain. “I… I have been cleaning it… I just forgot today… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean it…” You practically whimpered, trying to pull the blankets back up, hoping to find some sort of refuge or comfort under the familiar sheets, but his grip on the fabric stayed tight and the covers wouldn’t budge. 

“Does your brain not work? You can’t just forget a day, Y/N. They’ll be shitting all over the house. I clearly see that you don’t mind living in filth, but my babies actually like to be clean.” It was insult after insult, and you knew that he had a right to be mad, his cats were everything to him, but he didn’t understand, and maybe that was your fault for not being upfront with him about what was going on, but it still didn’t mean he had to be so mean. “Can’t believe I trusted you with them. You can’t even take care of yourself, I mean… Jesus, look at you, it’s pathetic.” 

You were trying so hard not to cry, he’d only find you more disgusting if you did, so you held it in, your lips pursed tightly shut as you held your breath. You knew that you didn’t look the best, you were wearing one of his hoodies and a pair of sweatpants, your hair hadn’t been brushed in days, you hadn’t been keeping up on your skincare routine, you had let yourself go. Instead of finding something concerning about all of that though, he immediately jumped to degrading you. 

“I’m gonna take them to my parents. Enjoy your vacation.” The words were spat at you and you were too scared to say anything, too scared to open your mouth, knowing that once you did you’d just start sobbing and you’d make a mess of yourself, although he already saw you as a mess anyway. 

You waited for him to leave, the sound of the carrier crates being loaded with the cats who he apologized profusely to as he put them into them. It was your fault, everything was your fault, you just couldn’t do anything right. You didn’t deserve to be with someone as amazing, someone as hardworking as Minho. To be honest, you weren’t even sure how you had gotten with him to begin with. You remembered it, but you didn’t understand how someone like him could find someone like you even worthy of his presence, let alone his love. 

As soon as he left, making his exit audibly known by the loud slam of the door, you were up out of the bed, making your way into the bathroom. You were like a zombie, and when you looked at yourself in the mirror you could only see yourself the way he saw you laying in bed. You looked awful, you looked horrendous. Your hair was knotted and mangled in the back of your head where you had been laying on it for far too long. Your skin was extremely dry and blotchy, your lips were chapped and your eyes were red and puffy from crying so much. You looked like a monster, certainly not someone that Minho would be proud to stand beside. 

Your thoughts were worse now than they had ever been, destructive and demeaning as you stared at yourself in the mirror. He thought you were pathetic, he thought you were useless, he thought you were ugly… And you couldn’t help but believe all of those things. How could you not? 

With shaky hands, you grabbed the first bottle of pills that you could out of the medicine cabinet, carelessly shaking them into the palm of your hands, not even bothering to count out how many you had before throwing them in your mouth and washing them down with a cup of water. He might think all of those things, but the cats… they didn’t understand, did they? Maybe you could just… show them… show them that you weren’t as pathetic as you and Minho thought you were. You at least wanted to show them that you did care, you cared about them, you loved them, even if Minho didn’t think that you did. 

You grabbed a garbage bag from under the sink and started cleaning out the boxes, your head already spinning and your vision blurring, but you were hell bent on getting this done, at least one of the boxes if you could. You heart was running like a train, the sound of it filling your ears as you lifted the litter box into the black bag, trying your best to empty the contents of it, but you felt so weak, so tired, and you couldn’t breathe and everything was getting dark and all you wanted to do was sleep. You couldn’t stop yourself from falling back, it was like you couldn’t control your own body, and before you knew it, everything went dark. 

His leg bounced nonstop as he stared at his phone, sitting on the couch in his parents home with his babies surrounding him, but he didn’t feel right, you weren’t there with him and he wasn’t in his home, he wasn’t with you. He had texted you repeatedly and you had yet to respond, something that worried him immensely considering you were the quickest texter he knew. 

Maybe you were mad at him… No, not maybe… He was 100% sure that you were mad at him, and he knew that you should be. What he said was out of line, it was uncalled for. It’s not like the litter pans hadn’t been cleaned for days, it was simply one day and he had blown it out of proportion, he had said things to you that shouldn’t have been said at all or even thought about. You were the love of his life, you meant everything to him. He didn’t want to lose you because he overreacted, and it’s not like you hadn’t been actively taking care of his cats the entire time he had been gone.

Now that he was alone with his thoughts, he could see how ridiculous he had been, how rude, how shitty what he did was. You just hadn’t gotten around to cleaning the litter pans yet, it made sense, it wasn’t the best job to do, it surely wasn’t fun. He had blown up on you for no reason and he hated himself for being that way with you. He had taken the time to cool off, and while he was most certain that you probably didn’t want to see him right now, he wanted to apologize, he wanted to make the first step in setting things right and hopefully helping to heal the wounds that he caused you. 

“I gotta go home real quick… I’ll be back to either spend the night or pick them up.” Minho called out to his mom, giving her a quick goodbye before leaving and climbing into his car. Thoughts raced through his mind about what you probably thought. Did you think he didn’t love you anymore? That he was possibly cheating on you and that’s why he had acted so horribly about something as simple as the litter? Did you think he was trying to push you away? 

His fingers drummed anxiously against the wheel as he made his way home. He tried not to go too fast, knowing that it would only be worse for him if he got pulled over, but he wanted to get back to you, he wanted to tell you, show you how much he truly loved you, how much he regretted every single word that left his mouth this afternoon. 

Your car was still in the driveway when he pulled up, you clearly weren’t out or busy, so you were either sleeping or just actively ignoring his texts, both of them seemed plausible and respectable considering the way he had left you. He had stopped off at a flower shop on his way home, and it felt like the first date all over again, his hands trembling around the bouquet as he walked up to the front door. Would you blow up at him when you saw him? It only seemed right, and he’d take every single word that you threw at him if you did. 

Unlocking the front door, he saw that all of the curtains in the living room had been drawn shut, the same as they had been, practically blacking out the entire room once the light from outside had been blocked out when he shut the front door. “Y/N…” He whispered your name, his nerves wired as he thought about how you’d react to seeing him. Would you tell him to leave? Would you scream at him? Would you just continue to ignore him as if he wasn’t there at all? 

His hands searched the walls to find the lightswitch, not wanting to trip on any cat toys as he walked through the house, and once the lights came on his eyes scanned the room. Everything was the same way it had been when he left, the only difference was the black lump in the middle of the floor. Truthfully, his eyes had darted right over it at first, the shape of it looked more like a blanket that had just been left out, especially since the light that he turned on hadn’t really illuminated that spot well, but when he walked over to the shape and his eyes finally adjusted to what it was, it was like his entire world stopped. 

The flowers that he had been holding fell to the floor as he dropped down next to you, his hands immediately wrapping around you to pull you into his lap. “Y/N!” He shouted, his hands actively working to grab your wrist, his thumb pressing down to feel your heartbeat, and his own began to pick up in pace when he felt just how slow yours was. “Fuck… Baby please… Don’t do this to me… I’m sorry…” He was already crying, his tears falling into your hair and on your face as he fumbled in his pockets to find his phone. 

It was only made worse when his screen illuminated with a picture of him and you together, your smile so beautiful that he couldn’t help but fall in love with you all over again whenever he saw it. He could barely get himself to dial the number for the police, and his voice was weak, shaky and choked out when he tried to speak. “I need an… An ambulance… My girlfriend… Please… Help… Help me!” Those last two words were shouted to the operator as he became more desperate, your body practically lifeless as it lay heavily against him. 

Everything was crumbling, his heart, his life, his universe was just falling down around him and he didn’t know what to do. He held you close against him, his cheek pressed against your forehead as he continued to cry, heavy sobs shaking his body as he rocked back and forth on the floor. “Don’t leave me… You can’t leave me… You promised that you’d be with me forever… You promised me that…” He whispered, trembling lip kisses placed across your face between each sob. “Just wake up… All you have to do is wake up… For me… God, don’t leave me… Don’t…” He begged, tears pouring from his eyes like rain. 

He refused to leave you, to let you go, even when the paramedics knocked on the door, and they had to enter the house themselves and pry you from out of his arms. “Is she dead… Don’t tell me she’s… She’ll be okay… Won’t she?” He was on his knees on the floor, his legs weak and unable to let him stand as he watched the men load you onto the gurney, but no one answered him. 

The hospital room was too cold, it was too bright, there was so much wrong with it, but the biggest problem was the fact that you were the one laying in the bed right now. They had managed to wake you up, and luckily it had just been a fainting spell instead of anything worse, but he heard… He knew what you had done, and while he was angry with you for trying to take yourself away from him like that, he was even more angry with himself for being the one to cause that reaction in you. 

He had just started to doze off on the couch, something that he hadn’t been able to do in days despite his exhaustion. The doctors had to keep reminding him that you were going to be okay, and the only reason you were still in the hospital at this point was to rest and to make sure all you didn’t have any other side effects to the medication that you had taken. He was thankful for that, but he wanted to take you home, he wanted to be the one who took care of you. 

Sheets being rustled and the sound of disoriented grumbling had his eyes opening slightly, blinking the sleep out of them before turning to see you trying to get out of the bed. “What are you- Lay back down!” He practically shouted, stumbling over his own feet to get to you. Just the look in your eyes as you dropped back down onto the uncomfortable hospital bed was enough to show him just how much damage he had inflicted with his words. “Baby… Love, I-” 

“Why are you here?” You whispered, fumbling with the edge of the scratchy hospital blanket that you had pulled up around yourself. “You don’t have to be here… I probably look more disgusting now than I did at the house…” Your eyes glanced around the room, your eyes rolling as a heavy sigh left your lips and your head fell back against the pillow. “I don’t need to be here…” 

“Y/N…” He whispered your name, not wanting to raise his voice too high, afraid of upsetting you right now when you were clearly already not in the best state of mind. “You need to be here… You do… I need to know that you’re okay.” Not only did he need to know, he just needed you to be okay in general, although he was sure you didn’t want to hear that right now. “I love you, that’s why I’m here, and I’m sorry… I’m sorry for the way that I left…” 

You pursed your lips, your eyes focused on the painting on the wall that didn’t look to be anything in particular, but maybe you found something beautiful in it. “You’re not wrong… You weren’t wrong when you left… I’m useless, and I’m pathetic and-” His hands were on your cheeks, cupping them firmly yet not too hard, his lips crashing against your own, leaving you in a state of momentary shock. “What was that-” You had begun to question when he pulled back, but you were cut off once again when he kissed you. 

“I don’t want you to say that about yourself, I don’t want you to think that… You’re perfect, you’re amazing and… God, how could you possibly be useless when you do so much for me?” Your eyebrows lowered, casting shadows over your eyes as you shot him a questioning glance. “Don’t you know? How do you think I’m able to get through hard days and excruciating practices? It’s you… I just think of you and how great it’ll be to come home… To be with you… You’re the light at the end of the tunnel, and you’ll always be that for me.” 

You swallowed thickly, turning away from him to blink away the tears that had begun to form in your eyes. “There’s something wrong with me… I’m not good enough for you… Or anyone…” You mumbled, trying so hard to keep your voice from wavering, but it was pointless when he was listening to you so intently he could hear the slightest crack. “I just… I didn’t want to not be with you… I didn’t want to be here if you… Didn’t love me and…” He shushed you quickly, his own eyes brimming with tears when he heard the thoughts that had played out in your head that evening spoken so sadly by you now. What had he done? “No… No, baby… No…” He cooed, his hands actively wiping away your tears and his own that were falling at a rapid rate down both of your faces. “You’re more than good enough for me… You’re too good for me. There’s nothing wrong with you… I think you’re absolutely perfect, and there’ll never be a day that goes by that I won’t love you.” He carefully scooted you over on the bed, making room for himself to climb in beside you which seemed uncomfortable for him, but he also didn’t seem to mind it either. “I’m not leaving you… And you’re not allowed to leave me either… Promise you won’t do something like that again. You don’t know how scared I was… I can’t lose you, not like that… I love you too much to let you go…”

[sokkigarden]

dancing with our hands tied (part iv)

jamie tartt x female reader // nsfw 18+ // fwb

masterlist // read on ao3

summary: an emotional spiral sends you to jamie's doorstep… again

word count: 3k

this chapter took it OUT of me but i actually think this might be my fav chapter so far?? eeeee excited to share w you guys :) thanks to @hopefulromances for challenging me to write and trade feedback last night! sometimes u just need a lil extra motivation 😩🫶

༻✧✧✧༺

“Hey, you’re friends with Jamie, right?”

You looked up from where you were sitting at your desk to find Zach in the doorway. You were startled by his appearance. 

After getting drinks last week, you’d gone back to his place and fell into bed. He was fun and flirty and you both had a good time, but once it was late, he asked if you needed a ride home. You’d left after calling a ride, trying not to overthink it. It was just the beginning after all.

But it had been a week since then. Zach had been keeping his distance at work and hadn’t been responding to your texts that much. You figured he was busy with the new job, so you kept yourself busy as well. But that didn’t resolve the sinking feeling in your gut.

And now Zach was standing in front of you. Asking about Jamie Tartt of all things.

“Huh?” You knew you sounded dumb but you weren’t sure why Zach was asking if you were friends with Jamie.

“Did I do something to upset him?”

“What?” you sputtered. “Um, I don’t think so.”

Despite your confusion, you had also noticed Jamie’s coldness toward the new nutritionist. Richmond had a big facility and a lot of people employed, but after Ted Lasso brought his camaraderie and positivity to the entire club, it was easy to see when someone was being off-putting. 

Since last week, you hadn’t spoken to Jamie outside of your scheduled physio treatments. You weren’t typically alone during your appointments, and it was always after his ludicrous amount of training which left him tired, so you hadn’t had the chance to talk to him much.

“Maybe you’re reading too much into things?” you suggested. “He’s always been kinda rocky– you’ve heard the stories.”

You didn’t mention that those stories were from more than two years ago. You didn’t mention that he had been much better in recent months. 

“Maybe….” Zach replied, scratching the back of his head. 

You clearly didn’t have the answer he wanted, and the room fell into silence. You looked back at the work you had open on your computer screen, before taking a deep breath and being brave.

“Hey, so I had a fun time last week,” you started with a smile. “Would you, maybe, want to go out again?”

Zach suddenly looked like he wanted to be anywhere but in the treatment room with you. You tried not to let the feeling in your gut sink even further, but you could feel the smile falling off your face.

“Oh, um, I’m gonna be busy for the next few weeks, so….” he trailed off.

You pressed your lips into a firm line, nodding once. You didn’t need to hear anything else; he was clearly not interested in pursuing you further. 

The insecurities that had lingered for a week resurfaced from the corners of your mind. You’d gotten your hopes up again, and he clearly wasn’t on the same page. It was fine. You were getting the brush off. Nothing you hadn’t experienced before.

You just wished you’d known this wasn’t going to be anything when you went into it. It had taken time, with each heartbreak, but you thought you had built up walls to prevent yourself from getting hurt again. 

“Okay, yeah,” you said, “Don’t worry about it.”

Zach gave you a smile that looked more like a grimace before leaving you alone.

How had everything gone to such shit?

There’s a reason you’d made it clear with Jamie that your relationship was just sex. If it was explicitly just sex, then you wouldn’t let yourself form an emotional attachment. No point in letting your brain drift into romantic feelings. It never worked out anyways.

Thinking of Jamie brought you back to the first thing Zach said. Was there a reason Jamie was being a dick to him? You hadn’t seen them interact much other than at the bar last week. While you had wanted to bite Jamie’s head off at first, by the time you had a chance to say something, he had left. There was a lot left unsaid.

And if here was anything that would get your mind off things, it would be bickering with Jamie. 

You checked your watch, realizing most of the players were gone by this time of evening. You finished up the report you were working on. It was probably time for you to head home too. 

And maybe you’d pay Jamie a visit on the way home, too.

༻✧✧✧༺

Not even twenty minutes later, you were knocking on Jamie’s door unannounced. You hadn’t been there since last week, but there were no cars except his parked outside, so you assumed he was the only one home. 

When he opened the door, he seemed surprised to see you, his face going through about half a dozen different expressions before settling on raising his eyebrow in question.

“Stop being a dick to Zach,” you said in lieu of greeting, walking into his home. 

Jamie shut the door and pursed his lips. He clearly hadn’t expected to be instantly berated, but it was easier to act mad at Jamie than deal with being upset with yourself.

“Aren’t I a dick to everyone?” he asked.

“No, you aren’t,” you rolled your eyes, and said in a smaller voice, “Not anymore.”

You crossed your arms. “But you are acting like an asshole to Zach. Everyone sees it.”

Jamie scoffed, shaking his head. 

“Sorry,” he said, with a defeated tone, “You can tell your boyfriend I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Now it was your turn to sound defeated, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

Jamie’s face perked up at that.

“Oh yeah? Thought you two were gettin’ cozy. Gettin’ drinks at Bones and Honey.” 

If it was anyone else, you’d think he sounded jealous, but there was no reason for Jamie to be jealous over you. He was just poking your open wound at this point.

You huffed out a breath of air, letting your arms fall to their sides. 

“He brushed me off,” you said, “If we didn’t work together, he probably would’ve ghosted me by now.”

All the frustration from the past few hours, the past few days, the past week, felt like it was bubbling to the surface. It wasn’t even like this was a new thing. You were just tired of the same thing always happening. Even when you tried to protect yourself, you still ended up getting hurt.

You were so focused on blinking rapidly to dispel the tears in your eyes that you didn’t notice Jamie wrapping you in a tight hug. You stood frozen for a moment, before wrapping your arms around his torso and nuzzling your face into his shoulder. 

The hug was so tight and warm and surprising, but it made you feel the best you’d felt in weeks, months. You didn’t even realize you were fully crying until you moved slightly and felt the wet patch of fabric on his shoulder. 

You pulled away a bit and tried taking some deep breaths, while Jamie brushed his fingers through your hair. As soon as he whispered your name, you pulled back further, still enveloped in his arms. 

“Sorry, sorry, I know this isn’t what we normally do,” you said. Your relationship consisted of arguments and sex, not tears and warm hugs. 

He shook his head, leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead. “What’s wrong?” 

The tender tone, the soft look in his eyes, the delicate physical contact, made you start crying all over again. He gently led the two of you over to the couch, sitting down with you in his lap. 

“I just–” you sniffled, and it all came spilling out. “I just don't know what I'm doing ever. Everything I do seems wrong. I try to go after the things I want and it's never enough. I give too much, and yet not enough, and- and it's all shit.” 

Jamie’s brows furrowed together as you stared at his face. You focused on the line of his jaw and the grooves of his nose instead of his eyes. You didn’t want to meet his eyes. His hand gently grasped your chin to direct your gaze.

“You’re okay,” he murmured, as you held eye contact. “Things are hard, but they’ve always been hard, and you’ve made it through. You deserve good things. You’ll get them. You have them.” 

Those words were tender and sweet and all you wanted to hear, but a part of you refused to let yourself believe them.

“Yeah, okay,” you rolled your eyes lightly. “I guess.”

He let out a huff of frustration, before rearranging you to straddle his thighs. His arms squeezed your shoulders, but not in a domineering way; it felt soft, comforting. 

His hands were warm as they ran across your skin to your cheeks, holding your face to keep your eyes connected. He wiped the tears from your cheeks. His face held a hundred emotions and you weren’t sure what to make of any of it. 

“You have me,” he said.

You took a sharp intake of breath at his words. The words burned into your mind.

It was true. You did have Jamie. And he had you. In some sort of way. And for now, it would be enough.

He placed a soft kiss to your forehead, and then to both of your cheeks, lingering so close you could feel his exhales and swore you could hear your heartbeats in the space between. 

Then, he seized your mouth in a kiss, and it was like no other kiss you’d shared with him. While others were passionate and full of angry emotions, this was full of something raw, something untethered to your pre-existing idea of Jamie.

As you explored each other's mouths, you found yourself grinding against his lap, letting a moan out as you felt overcome with emotion. His hands ran through your hair, and you flexed your fingers under the fabric of his shirt, feeling the expanse of warm skin on his stomach. 

You tugged his shirt over his head, which broke the kiss, but you took the moment to take a breath. He kissed your cheek, your jaw, your neck, as he moved to remove your shirt as well. 

“Fuck, angel,” he said, and it felt like you were seeing each other for the first time.

It didn’t take long to remove more clothes, explore more of each other, before you finally sat down, feeling his dick slide into you. 

For a brief minute, you were frozen, breathing in each other’s air, staring at each other, taking in the moment. Then, he’s rocking into you and you’re meeting his thrusts, but it's slow, it's choppy in a heavenly way that you didn’t realize could exist between the two of you. 

“This feel good, yeah?” he asked, and you replied with a whimper of an affirmation. “Tell me this dick makes you feel good.”

“It does,” you managed to say, “You make me feel…”

He moved his hips in a way that made you see stars, leaving the last of your sentence unfinished. You scraped your nails through his hair, hearing something like a growl at the back of his throat. The sound spurred you on, rocking your hips with more determination.

“That’s it, baby, that’s a good girl,” he panted, reaching to connect your lips once more. 

You wanted to swallow him whole, wanted this moment to never end. His words were hot, but also flooded you with a different kind of warmth. You wondered if he even knew what he was saying. 

He tore his lips away after a moment and while you tried to gasp for breath, his next words made you nearly come on the spot.

“My good girl,” he whispered across your ear, before gripping your hips and focusing on where the two of you were connected.

The possessiveness in his voice tracked fire through your veins. 

You were close. You had to be. Despite how much you wanted to make this last forever, the heightened emotions were making things too much. You were feeling everything so intensely. 

He knew you were close, as he said, “Hey, look at me.”

You caught his eyes, watching each other’s faces as you finally came. Your jaw hung open, gripping his shoulders. You clenched around him as you rode out your high, and he came soon after. 

You sat there for a few moments, listening to your breathing and heartbeats mixing together. 

His hands drifted across your back in lazy motions as you nuzzled your cheek into the crook between his shoulder and neck. Jamie’s heartbeat was in his throat, his pulse racing. You could barely process everything you were feeling. What must he be feeling?

You had definitely calmed down after your spiral earlier this evening. Being with Jamie seemed to make everything else melt away. 

He readjusted you on his lap and pulled up his underwear. He grabbed his shirt from earlier and slipped it over your head. He cleared his throat, but didn’t fully pull away from you.

“I know you usually leave but,” he picked you up as he stood from the couch, “Not lettin’ you go home and spiral more. You’re staying tonight. Come on.”

He led you upstairs to his room, grabbing some new clothes from the dresser before guiding you into the bathroom. 

You didn’t do anything as you watched him turn on the shower and wait until the temperature was hot. It had been a while since you’d been in a shower with someone else, but you had a feeling this wasn’t going to be like those times. 

As soon as the shower was a good temperature, he stepped in, beckoning you to join him. He was offering without forcing you. You fought the smile creeping onto your face at his gentle expression. 

He guided you under the stream of water, combing his hands through your hair and lathering it with shampoo. The entire bathroom filled with the familiar smell of his hair products, and you felt a sense of satisfaction at knowing your own hair would smell like his soon. 

You took turns washing each other, nearly silent the entire time. It was an intimate act, and you found yourself clinging to Jamie maybe even more than earlier. 

You could feel the trails of tears across your cheeks from earlier wash away, but you could now barely remember why you’d been crying. Over some boy at work? You were all wrapped up in Jamie in the present moment. 

But this is what you’d been afraid of all along. This thing with Jamie was no longer just sex to you. And you’d known from the beginning, that if you let yourself fall for Jamie, it was over. He would ruin everyone else for you. 

What, with his silly outfits, and funny yet frustrating conversations, and the way he seemed to know your body even better than you did. 

You doubted this was anything else for him, you didn’t fit the profile of people he dated, you told yourself not to get your hopes up. You had shoved those feelings in a drawer at the back of your mind and hoped if you told yourself it was just sex, you wouldn’t fall for him.

But somewhere between the arguments and the sex, you held real conversations with him, confided in him, looked forward to seeing him each day.

Maybe it was already too late. The thought had your eyes welling up with more tears, but luckily you were facing the shower wall, as he rinsed the conditioner out of your hair. 

By the time the both of you were done, the tears had subsided, and you turned around to give him a watery smile. 

When you stepped out of the shower, Jamie wrapped you in a fluffy towel and your heart squeezed at the domesticity of it all. 

“Better?” he asked.

You nodded. You were feeling a lot better. Even if you were finally acknowledging the romantic feelings wedged deep inside of you. Even if those romantic feelings ended up being your downfall.

He grabbed the clothes he’d brought into the bathroom and divided them between you both. Two pairs of sweat shorts and two t-shirts. You knew you were going to drown in the fabric before you even put them on. You were proven right as he slid the shorts up your legs and tied off the drawstring to keep them up. You both chuckled at the sight.

After brushing your teeth, stealing some of Jamie’s skincare, and drying your hair, you didn’t have any objections as you both got into bed. He pulled you halfway across the mattress, to wrap his arms around you in the middle of the bed. 

“I’ve got training with Roy at four a.m., but I’ll be back before you wake up. Usually get back for breakfast around seven.” Jamie mumbled as he turned off the bedside lamp and wrapped his arms around you.

“Four in the morning?” you asked, “What are you going to do, bury a body?”

He chuckled, “Wouldn’t put it past Grandad, but no, we usually just go for a run.”

You shook your head at the absurdity. Even though you worked at the football facility, it was easy to forget that Jamie was a professional athlete when it was just the two of you, tucked away beneath his sheets.

As you felt yourself getting sleepy, you traced the tattoos across Jamie’s forearm in the faint light, feeling his breathing deepen as he drifted off to sleep. The lull of his exhales across your earlobe soon brought sleep to you as well.

[spikedhe4rt]

Word Count: 957

A/N: This was a request so I hope you enjoy. I haven't written fluff in a while so im sorry if it's rough. My request box is always open and I love you guys <3

✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

"Move asshole" I groaned as Steve sat next to me on the couch. He rolled his eyes, remaining in my space. "You're being such a B-" A loud voice came roaring from the kitchen, almost causing a echo through out the Curtis house. " Language, Steve!" Darry. I laughed at Steve getting called out by Darry. My laugh was hard to miss causing Darry to tell me to shut up too.

Ive known the gang for a long time, especially with Dallas being my brother. Most people think that he must have such a soft spot for me but truth is he's still him. Annoying as shit just in big brother form. Me and Steve never got along. He always acted weird towards me for no reason and I just return the favor.

I stuck my middle finger up to Steve and kicked him off the couch, causing a loud thud. "What the hell was that?" Soda exclaimed from the hallway. "I kicked the cow off the couch" I exclaimed with a laugh. Two-bit who was sitting on the floor with a beer busted out laughing with me. Steve pulled himself off the floor, mumbling something as he walked over to Soda.

It seemed like we could never go day without arguing or a fight. We even fight at the Dx while working: "Thats not how you're supposed to restock those." Steve said from behind me. I shrugged acting like I didn't feel his breath on my neck from how close he was. "Seems right to me. Leave me be, Randle." I continued to restock the candy till I felt Steve grab my hand and spin me around.

"You're still doing it wrong" his voice got lower, as he had me again the wall. I rolled my eyes. Men are so sensitive... "Really? All this over restocking candy? Get a grip, Steven" I spit my words like they were poison. "Screw you, Winston" I laughed at his words as he let go and walked away.

We kept our distance for the most part but it tends to get hard when the whole gang wants to hang out together. And when we run into each-other randomly. Sometimes I don't even get the point of why we're arguing we just do.

One thing is that we both know when something too far, subjects that are off limits. Its almost as if that we are protective of each other's feelings in a way.

Dallas and Soda live for the drama but sometimes even they get fed up. Once, me and him were arguing about whether Steves tattoo is dumb or not. It is. Dallas came over smacked the back of our heads and said "Do you guy ever shut the hell up?" then walked out. I was absolutely flabbergasted at that.

Even tho were "enemies" as Steve calls it, Ive wondered what it would be like if we weren't. If he hadn't acted like a asshole all the time, I wouldn't be one too.

                                ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

It was my shift at the Dx. Today was Sodas off day so I was left with Steve. He was nagging at everything I was doing. "You're doing it wrong" , "Shut the hell up, Randle" , "Ive worked here longer than you", and "And yet, I'm still better at my job than you'll ever be" were being thrown across the room. After I said my last words, I walked into the back to get away from him. God, he is insufferable!

After about five minutes, I heard the storage room open. I rolled my eyes for the 5th time this  shift because I knew who it was. "Can you do your job" Steve said to me. I flipped him off and got up, stepping in front of him. "Can you stop running your mouth, asshole?" I pushed him lightly. He looked unamused as I pushed him again.

He rolled his eyes at me before grabbing my wrist and backing me up into the same wall as last time. Unbelievable...I scoffed at him "How many times are you gonna push me against this wall before you actually do something? You're a pussy." He scanned my face, examining my reaction.

We stared at each other for a couple seconds, like we were unable to speak. Once we made, eye contact it was over, his lips desperately attaching to mine. My arms came around his shoulders making him pull into me more. I felt myself being lifted lightly off the ground as Steves hands went down to my waist, signaling for me to wrap my legs around him.

Our kiss was fierce and filled with pure ecstasy, making our feelings that were always hate into love. Or thats what we thought at first but they were always love, it just felt like it needed to be hate because it couldn't be expressed well enough yet. It feels better to be on right side of it now.

We pulled away breathless, my teeth lightly catching lip bottom left before it truly ended. My head fell down to his chest, laughing as I realized what we had just done. When I looked back up, I was met with his smirking face. "I hate you so much, Randle." I joked.

Steve pulled me into another kiss, his hand coming to my face to deepen it. " Y'know, Ive liked you since we were kids. I just didn't know how to express it. I want to apologize for the past few years. Let me take you out, to make up for it?" He said looking down ashamed. 

I smiled at his words. "I forgive you, I guess. Now kiss me." For once, we actually had a good conversation.

[legolasbadass]

Italian Holiday, Part IV

Summary: A few weeks before Richard leaves for Boston, he and Lorelei go on holiday in Italy to make the most of the summer and the time they have left together.

This story takes between the penultimate and last chapter of Office Hours and contains major spoilers for that story, so make sure you read it first!

Relationship: Richard Armitage x OC (Professor AU)

Word Count: 1.1K

Rating: T

“I didn’t realize you could actually speak Italian,” Richard says as we step out of the gelateria. Despite the late hour and the sea-salted breeze that weaves through the narrow street, it is still unbearably hot and humid, so the iced dessert is a welcomed treat. 

“Oh, no, I’m far from fluent; my vocabulary is pretty limited and I probably have a terrible accent,” I chuckle as I take a bite of raspberry gelato before it melts off the side of the cup. “But I’ve been ordering for us since we got here—had you not noticed or what?” 

Richard chuckles. “Yes, but you had an actual conversation with the lady in the gelateria,” he says, shoving a big spoonful of pistachio gelato in his mouth. “What was she saying, anyway?” 

“Well, when she realized we were English she asked how we were handling the heat. And then when she handed me your gelato she said, ‘Here, the pistachio for your handsome man.’”

“She did not say that,” Richard snorts. 

“She did!” I say, giggling at the memory and the incredulity on his face. “She has good taste.” 

He shakes his head sheepishly. “So do you secretly speak any other languages?” 

I giggle at the change of subject. “Apart from Old English, Middle English, and Latin, I do speak a tiny bit of French.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes!” 

“How did I not know that?” he asks, sounding impressed. 

I shrug, taking another bite of gelato. “I thought I could more easily impress you with my knowledge of medieval languages, even if it’s not as practical.” 

“Well, it did get you a job at the top university in the country,” he says, smiling. “Where did you learn French, anyway?” 

“I studied it for one of my A Levels.” 

He nods, then grins. “Say something in French.” 

I chuckle, pondering what to say, then grin. “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?” 

Richard bursts out laughing and wraps one of his strong arms around my shoulders. “I think you already know the answer to that question—it’s why we only got out of bed past 10 am this morning.” 

I smirk in recollection of the lazy morning and squeeze the hand resting over my shoulder. Suddenly, the sound of distant music drifts through the air, and as we turn a corner, the street opens up into a charming town square bathed in the soft glow of string lights. Amidst the passersby and the busy trattorias, a musician is playing a lively tune on a violin near the fountain in the center, and we sit nearby on a bench under a tall olive tree, enjoying the atmosphere as we finish our gelato. 

Sometime later, after throwing away our empty gelato cups in the nearest bin, Richard looks at me with a thoughtful expression, then offers me his hand with a playful smile. 

“Dance with me.” 

“What?” I laugh, but I shake my head when I realize he is serious. “No way—there’s too many people around.” 

“Who cares?” he responds, pulling me to my feet. “No one knows us here and look—no one’s paying attention to us.” 

“Yeah, that’s cause I haven’t yet tripped and fallen on my arse,” I say, causing him to chuckle, but then I sigh, unable to resist him. “Fine. One dance.” 

Richard’s smile widens, and he raises my hand to his lips, pressing a tender kiss on my knuckles before pulling me close and guiding me into a gentle sway. 

We move awkwardly at first, but it is mainly my fault, as I keep stumbling on the uneven cobblestones, struggling to concentrate when Richard gazes so lovingly into my eyes. He, on the other hand, is surprisingly graceful, twirling me around and effortlessly catching me when I almost lose my balance. 

“Where did you learn to dance like that?” I ask, holding onto his shoulder more tightly. 

“I, er, took dance lessons as a teenager,” he admits sheepishly. 

I raise one surprised eyebrow. “Really?” 

He chuckles. “Yeah, all the drama students did.” 

“Well, well,” I say with a grin, then laugh as he spins me gently once more, causing my dress to twirl around me. 

We continue to dance, my movements becoming more confident as the awkwardness fades away and I give in to the joy of the moment. I catch sight of a few onlookers smiling at us, but I forget all about them when the music shifts to a slower, more romantic melody, and Richard pulls me even closer. One of his arms is now wrapped around my waist while he intertwines the fingers of his other hand with mine, cradling it between our bodies against his chest. 

“See? You’re getting the hang of it,” he says, the low rumble of his voice, combined with his warm closeness, sending a thrill through me.

“You make it easy,” I chuckle, losing myself once more in his deep blue eyes. 

Richard smiles, leaning down to brush his lips against mine in a tender kiss, and the busy square around us disappears—the whole world disappears—and time stands still, leaving only the two of us, happy and carefree in each others’ arms as stars shine in the sky overhead as they do so every night, constant and unchanging. Under their watchful eyes, I think of how much has changed in the past year and how much uncertainty lies ahead. But wrapped in Richard’s arms, I can truly believe that our love will weather the difficult year ahead and any other challenges that will come our way in the future, remaining just as constant and unchanging.

As we continue to sway in each other’s arms, the music picks up again, transitioning to a lively tune that draws laughter from a nearby group of onlookers. The spell of the moment breaks, and I glance up at Richard, who seems equally caught between the remnants of our private world and the bustling square around us.

“Shall we?” Richard says, slowly disentangling himself from me but still holding onto my hand. 

With a soft smile, I nod and follow him across the square, but Richard pauses by the violinist. He fishes out his wallet, pulling out a generous tip, and places it into the open violin case with a nod of thanks. The musician gives him a warm smile, never missing a beat, and Richard turns back to me, his eyes bright with affection.

“This holiday just keeps getting better and better,” he muses with a smile. 

I smile in return. “Agreed,” I say, reaching for his hand again and leading him onto the narrow street to our flat. 

Tag list: @lathalea @linasofia @fizzyxcustard @bitter-sweet-farmgirl @i-did-not-mean-to @xxbyimm @middleearthpixie @enchantzz @myselfandfantasy @notlostgnome @laurfilijames @swoopswishsward @quiall321 @dianakc @sazzlep @albionscastle @evenstaredits @mistresskayla-blog1

If you'd like to be added/removed from my tag list or tagged in future chapters, let me know! 💙

[xofanfics]

Lost For Words - Part III

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV

Genre: angst, fluff, smut 🥺🤗🥵

Pairing: Reader x Kun // Reader x Taeyong

Word Count: 2.9k

Summary: You have the best boyfriend you could’ve asked for. Things take an interesting turn as you befriend your new coworker, exploring the blurred lines between friendship and something more.

“Introducing "ElysianGlow" – a prestigious international beauty brand poised to revolutionize your entire beauty and skincare ritual. With its European elegance and a mission to cater to every facet of your beauty journey, ElysianGlow stands at the forefront of luxury. As it sets its sights on the vibrant Korean market, this brand promises to bring an unmatched fusion of cultures, innovation, and indulgence to your daily beauty regimen…”

It was the last presentation of the day and you were exhausted. After hearing so many speakers, being exposed to so many new products, and taking in so much information, you felt a little overstimulated. You’d all been taking notes all day as you saw interesting things your competitors were doing. 

Your team dipped out a little early, in the hopes of avoiding the herds of people trying to exit the convention center at the same time. Outside the venue, Valentina said, “Good job, everyone. I saw a lot of you taking notes today. I want to do a larger meeting sometime next week or the week after to discuss our takeaways. I think that there was a lot of useful information we can use in our global marketing plans.” She smiled with a nod. “Anyway, I was thinking that we should go back to the hotel, freshen up, and then head out to get dinner?”

There were nods and murmurs of agreement, so David looked down at his watch. “It’s 5:09 now, so how about we meet in the lobby at 6:15PM. Who wants to be in charge of finding a restaurant?”

Hina waved her hand excitedly. “I can find a place!”

Valentina raised a cautious eyebrow at Hina, recalling the last time that Hina had chosen a restaurant. “Let’s try to keep it under three dollar signs this time, yeah?”

*

You and Hina took advantage of the time you had to freshen up before dinner. You began rummaging through your suitcase, tossing two dresses onto your bed. Hina, on the other hand, sat cross-legged on her own bed scrolling on her phone, ready to give her opinions as needed. 

Your phone buzzed on the dresser, and you picked it up, recognizing your boyfriend's contact name popping up on the screen.

"Hey," you said, balancing the phone between your shoulder and ear as you slipped out of your pants.

"Hey, how was the first day?" he asked. “Are you finished now?”

"It was great!" you replied with enthusiasm. "We all have a bunch of ideas. Valentina said we’ll have a meeting next week about it, so I’m excited to share.”

You could practically hear his smile through the phone. "That's great to hear. I can’t wait to hear all about your ideas when you’re back at home. Do you have dinner plans for tonight?”

“Yeah, Hina is actually in charge of looking for a place,” you said, glancing at her. “Hopefully she picks somewhere good.”

Hina stuck her tongue out at you and laughed, bringing a chuckle out of you as well. 

“Okay, well, have fun at dinner. And if you’re going to be drinking tonight, don’t forget to drink a lot of water.”

"I will," you promised, feeling a rush of warmth for your supportive boyfriend. You tossed the phone on the bed and pulled out a dress from your suitcase. 

*

An hour later, the group gathered in the hotel lobby, ready for a well-deserved dinner outing after a long day. Hina had strategically chosen a Thai restaurant within walking distance.

Upon arrival, the restaurant's ambiance whisked you away to a far-off tropical paradise. Intricate wooden carvings adorned the walls, vibrant textiles draped from the ceiling, and the scent of spices filled the air. The decor was a seamless blend of charm and cultural authenticity, making you feel as though you were on vacation.

With everyone seated, Valentina seized the moment and confidently ordered a round of drinks for the table. While they excitedly waited for their alcoholic beverages to arrive, they decided to order appetizers to try and share. A few moments later, the drinks arrived, following a clink of glasses and the chorus of cheers.

David placed his drink down on the table and clapped his hands together. "Now that we're not at the conference anymore, let’s talk about something other than work for a change…" Laughter rippled through the group as everyone welcomed the idea. 

A few more drinks later, your steaming plate of drunken noodles made its grand entrance to the table. The thick rice noodles glistened with a rich, dark sauce, topped with tender slices of chicken, colorful bell peppers, and vibrant Thai basil leaves.

Kevin, your jovial coworker, leaned toward Taeyong, who was sitting across from you. "Hey, Taeyong," he teased, "I saw you talking to that pretty girl at lunch earlier. Who was that? Did you get her number?"

Taeyong's cheeks tinged with a slight blush at the sudden question. "She was pretty," he admitted, his voice carrying a hint of bashfulness. He glanced in your direction to see if you’d react, but you were reaching across the table for a leftover spring roll instead. "She told me that her name was Ari and she works at one of our competitors. But, uh, I didn't get her number."

"Yeah, Taeyong, maybe you should date the competition so we can find out their secrets," said Valentina with a laugh.

Kevin couldn't resist but add, "Honestly… I'm surprised you don't already have a girlfriend.."

Hina playfully agreed, "Definitely, Taeyong, you've got the looks. Sorry, Kevin, but he's got you beat."

Kevin nodded with a chuckle and said, “That’s fair.”

Taeyong found himself lost in contemplation, wondering if it was time to move on, given your existing relationship. Everyone seemed to enjoy their evening, unaware of the thoughts swirling around in his head like a storm. He went back and forth with his emotions, unsure of where to go from here, as the possibility of a future without you weighed on his mind.

* After dinner, the group ended up splitting up. Some of your colleagues decided to call it a night, retreating to the comfort of their hotel rooms and call it a night. Those who still had some energy left decided to head out for a night on the town, determined to make the most of their time in Incheon. Before the group split in two, Valentina issued a gentle reminder about the early morning conference session, a subtle hint to keep the night's festivities in check.

Among your coworkers in the group, and a relatively new addition to the team, Seolyun stood out as the point person for all things social media. She was the person who always seemed to have a recommendation, whether it was a new restaurant opening up, a trendy pop-up opening, or a cafe hidden in the backstreets. 

In no time at all, she found a trendy bar not too far from the restaurant. The bar had two floors, along with a rooftop. Each floor, according to the reviews, had a different vibe. And the rooftop seemed to have an amazing view, which was perfect for taking pictures. 

You could feel the lively energy on the first floor as you entered. While you waited for your friends to get their IDs checked, you took a look around. Laughter and conversation filled the air, in combination with the beat of electronic music that had quite a few people up and dancing. People were engaged in animated conversations, clinking glasses, and sharing smiles. It seemed like the perfect place to start on a night out. 

As you walked up to the second floor, you noticed a subtle shift in the vibe. Here, the mood was more intimate and relaxed. The decor took on a cozier, lounge-like feel, with plush seating arrangements that were great for deeper conversations. The music, while still upbeat, had a more gentle feeling and allowed for more conversation over dancing. The lighting was dimmed, casting a darker and more romantic aura. It was an ideal spot for those looking to enjoy time away from the loud music and actually have a conversation.

As you all ascended the stairs to the rooftop, the night breeze welcomed you, carrying the pulsating rhythms of music and offering a breathtaking view of the city's twinkling lights. The ambiance was mellow, with cozy seating arrangements and soft lighting, perfect for unwinding. Interestingly enough, the roof wasn’t the most crowded area, and there was more than enough room for everyone to get comfortable at the bar. 

Kevin insisted on shots, saying, “Look how beautiful it is out here. Nothing says a night out like a shot of tequila!” Despite a groan or two, everyone accepted Kevin’s idea of taking shots. 

“Cheers!” you said, a moment later, clinking the small glasses with your colleagues. You gulped down the liquid fire with more ease than you thought. 

As Seolyun finished her shot, she said, “Let’s go dance!”

*

Taeyong, while certainly up for a night out on the town, wasn't quite in the dancing mood tonight. Instead, he chose to linger on the rooftop, where he could savor the serene night view while sipping on a glass of whiskey.

He gazed out into the city, taking in the twinkling sky above. He took a sip of his whiskey even though he had no business mixing light and dark liquor. I’ll be fine, he decided. Even though he and the others were in Incheon for business, he was having more fun than he’d had in quite some months. Living in Seoul without many friends had been a little hard on him, but he felt a little less lonely during the week while he was surrounded with his coworkers. And he felt less lonely when he was with you. He felt at ease when he was with you. Despite your unfortunate relationship status, he enjoyed platonic moments with you. Being friends with you was better than nothing at all, he thought.

In his peripheral vision, he saw someone sit down but he didn’t bother looking up, as he was enveloped in his thoughts. Suddenly, your voice filled his ears and interrupted his thoughts. “The view up here is something else, huh?” He turned and the corners of his lips curled into a small smile as you settled beside him on the couch.

“I’m enjoying it,” he said, taking another sip of his drink. “I thought you wanted to dance?”

"You know, I wasn't really feeling the music down there," you admitted with a soft laugh. "But it looks like the others are having the time of their lives, so I thought I’d come back up here and keep you company.” 

The two of you started talking, just some lighthearted conversation. A few moments later, Taeyong shook his head. "Sorry - where are my manners? Did you want another drink?”

You glanced at his nearly empty glass and then back at him, a thoughtful expression on your face. "I think I'm good for now," you replied, a faint smile touching your lips. "I'd hate for you to see me too drunk."

Taeyong chuckled softly, his gaze lingering on your face. "I wouldn't judge you," he assured. 

As you continued to talk, Taeyong found himself getting lost in your eyes, your presence, and the way you laughed at his jokes. His heart raced as he realized how much he had grown to like you. At this point, he could feel the tension building, an almost magnetic force that he had never experienced before. It was a potent mixture of desire, guilt, and admiration. He knew he was getting close to the danger zone and he found himself unable to deny the connection that seemed to pull him closer to you with each passing moment.

Unable to resist the pull between you two, Taeyong leaned in and kissed you, his lips meeting yours in a tender, sweet embrace. It was a moment of surrender to the intense connection that had been building, a silent acknowledgment of his desires. A few seconds later he pulled away, realizing how crazy all of this was. He’d lost his mind for a moment, he concluded.

Your eyes met, just for a moment. Time seemed to stop as you gazed deeply into his eyes. In that moment, Taeyong’s senses were completely taken over by you. He could only smell the faint scent of your perfume. He could only taste your lips. He could only see you.

But just as Taeyong was about to voice his apologies and regrets, the unexpected happened. Your lips crashed into his once more, igniting a wild, uncontainable fire of longing and desire. In that moment, nothing else mattered – not your boyfriend, not the complications of being coworkers – as you both gave in to the irresistible pull of passion. Lost in the kiss, you and Taeyong allowed yourselves to be swept away, indulging in a connection that defied all logic and reason. 

The intense chemistry between you and Taeyong became an undeniable truth that neither of you could ignore.

***

You woke up in the morning, before your alarm. You recalled the events of the previous night and, of course, that amazing kiss you shared with Taeyong. It was wrong, you knew, but something about it just felt so right. 

Kun [7:31AM] Good morning, beautiful. Hope you had fun last night! Enjoy the rest of the conference today ❤️ 

As you looked at the good morning text from the man that was actually your boyfriend, you couldn’t help but feel incredibly guilty. You had a man who loved and cared about you, yet you’d had the audacity to kiss another man.

What was frustrating you the most was that you hadn’t even ever thought of Taeyong that way. You found him attractive, yes, but everyone found him attractive - even Kevin. He was a physically attractive looking man - simple. But you didn’t have to cross that line with him and you did anyway. Then, to top it all off, you kissed him on your own. After that first kiss, you should’ve stopped. Unfortunately, something came over you and you initiated that second kiss. 

Should you tell Kun? You wondered. No, you thought, he’d never forgive you. Should you break up with him? Was that too much? Was leaving him just running from the problem? 

Should you set a boundary with Taeyong? Should you tell him that it can’t ever happen again? God, but you liked it! You liked it so much and you wanted more of it. That was the problem. 

You’d never felt tension with Taeyong before. You weren’t sure if it was because the two of you had been drinking or if it was because it was an intimate setting. Maybe it was because you hadn’t really had many moments to be alone together like that. You didn’t know. All you knew was that you could almost taste his lips on yours. 

Hina’s alarm started going off, bringing you back into reality. You almost wanted to tell her, but that would just bring up unnecessary questions and drama. So, you decided that you were going to leave it alone all together and do your best to act normal and keep your cool.

After successfully avoiding Taeyong during breakfast and most of the morning programming, he caught you during lunchtime as you were grabbing a water bottle. He lightly grazed your hand and, as you turned to face him, he said, “Can we talk?”

“Uh, yeah,” you said. “Sure.”

Taeyong led you out of the cafeteria and upstairs to the second floor. This floor was quiet, as everyone was downstairs eating. You followed him into a random room where he closed the door behind you. The air seemed to crackle with unspoken tension.

Taeyong took a deep breath, his eyes filled with a mix of vulnerability and longing. "I can't stop thinking about last night,” he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper, “and what happened between us...” 

Your heart echoed his sentiments, a mixture of desire and inner turmoil. "Taeyong," you began, a sigh leaving your lips, "I can’t stop thinking about it either.”

“What do we do?”

You let out a frustrated sigh. “I-I don’t know. I have a boyfriend and I care about him. Things are just…complicated.”

Taeyong nodded, his understanding gaze never leaving yours. "I don't want to complicate your life," he said, his voice soft but filled with yearning. "But I don’t know if we can just ignore this."

Taeyong came a little closer, pulling you into his arms. In his embrace, you felt safe, as if the world outside ceased to exist.

Unable to resist any longer, your lips brushed against Taeyong's, igniting a longing that had been building up inside you. But you both knew the complications of your situation.

With a whisper, you said, "We should get back..."

Taeyong let go of you, reluctantly and eyes still filled with longing. You needed to leave. If you looked into his eyes any longer, you might just kiss him again. As he watched you leave the room, the connection between you remained, an unspoken promise that the chemistry you shared would continue to pull you closer, even if the path forward remained uncertain.

***

General Taglist: @to-all-the-stories-i-love @sweetnspicy-noona

Lost for Words Taglist: @ridinjuyeon

[sunoksunny]

It’s All Ending Now | N.RK

Pairing: nishimura riki x kumiho!reader (fem)

Genre: written for @svngcore​‘s ‘so ends the myth’ collab; fluff, angst, fantasy, based on a myth (kumiho)

Warnings: minor character death, blood, wounds, violence, weapons, kissing, hints at misogyny, heeseung being slightly insane, near death experiences, large timeskips

Word Count: 10k (10,883)

Synopsis: As a kumiho, it was only natural that you would kill. However, you put limits and standards on who you took the hearts off. You only messed with boys who showed blatant disrespect for the world around them and gave them what they deserved. All of them turned out to be the same in the end, they always did. But when you lock eyes with a boy through your window, you get a sense that something is different. Will this be the exception you have silently wished for? Or will both your hearts end up crushed, hopeless against the winds of fate?

Author’s Note: guys i really procrastinated this one BUT i’m actually quite happy with how it turned out. it is by far the longest fic ive written, my previous longest one was only 3k,,, so um yea i kinda had a field day. but thank you soul for hosting this collab, i had so much fun writing this even if i struggled a bit to meet the deadline due to me procrastinating (i literally had the idea for this since the beginning of the collab and only started actually writing it like a week ago HA...) i hope you all enjoy !!

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing out here in the woods?”

You turned your head towards the voice, meeting the eyes of a brunette boy hovering over you. You quickly scrambled up, dropping your hands away from the berries you had been picking. Of course, you hadn’t actually planned on picking them, but you needed something as an excuse to lead him away.

You stifled your giggle as you watched the boy stare at you in what could only be described as awe. You feigned surprise at having been seen and looked around in worry, leaning closer to call to him.

“Please don’t tell anyone, I just wanted to pick some berries as a gift for my mother. She really loves them, but she’s too sick to get them herself, so I thought I could pick some for her.” 

You took a second to admire the boy’s features. His face was gently round with small and soft features, almost delicate. His eyes were framed by long, feathery eyelashes, yet they still held a certain glint of mischief. His lips formed a natural pout, and you watched as they turned into an easy smile. 

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t tell. I’m not really supposed to be here either, my mom says it’s too dangerous. But I want to hunt, so I snuck out.” The boy claimed proudly, his eyes crinkling a little at the corners as his smirk grew wider.

Of course, he would want to hunt. No matter how pretty a boy is, they all still want to ruin everything natural and innocent.

You gasped in mock surprise and let a small smile grace your lips. You looked over your shoulder once more before taking a step closer to him.

“What’s your name?”

“Beomgyu.” 

You smiled again and watched as he returned it effortlessly.

“Has anyone seen Beomgyu lately? We were supposed to go fishing yesterday but he never showed up.” Jake asked, poking at his lunch with his fork before looking up at the others. 

Niki and his friends were sitting where they always did, under the big oak tree near the forest, a little ways away from their village. It was their place to retreat from everyone else, a place for only them. They saw it as a much-needed break, especially since they were growing older and girls had begun to fling themselves at them more and more as their parents pushed them to find a girl and get married. Sure, the boys had never been opposed to the attention they got from the girls in the village, but Niki guessed the thought of having to settle down and marry one of them someday soon became a little too much sometimes. Luckily, Niki was the youngest of their group and his parents had not yet brought up that topic to him, so he was still free to mess around as the rest of them had done before.

“You haven’t heard, Jake?” Jungwon gasped.

Jake tilted his head, confused. 

“Heard what?”

“Beomgyu’s dead. He was killed.” Jay said. He paused for a moment before speaking again, “I heard some of the townspeople saying it was a kumiho.”

Jake’s face morphed into something similar to horror, whether at the fact his friend was dead or the prospect that a kumiho killed him, Niki wasn’t sure. In all honesty, he didn’t know how the news had managed to escape Jake. The whole town had been talking about the murder and the possibility of a kumiho for the past few days. Niki had even heard his mother talking about it, and she wasn’t even positive creatures like that existed. But after all, this was the third boy killed in the span of a month. All the boys had gone into the woods the night they disappeared, then turned up a couple of days later with their hearts missing. Many people didn’t think it was just a coincidence. 

An unsettling silence washed over the group. Heeseung frowned before his eyes lit up, an idea popping into his head.

“Hey, why don’t we go into the woods tonight as a group?”

Sunoo looked at him in shock, his mouth falling open, “Are you crazy? What if the kumiho’s real? Do you want to get killed?”

“Of course not,” Heeseung scoffed, “But if it is real, it can’t kill seven of us, right? We can just fight it off or something. And if it isn’t real, then we can put an end to all those rumors going around about it.”

Sunghoon was the first to agree, an affirming word leaving his mouth. Heeseung smiled before asking the others. One by one, they all agreed, albeit a few a bit more hesitantly. When Heeseung looked at Niki, he out a small chuckle at the younger boy’s quick agreement. All of them knew that Niki was rather dependent on them, having grown up practically attached to the rest of them at the hip. 

Finally, Heeseung turned back to Sunoo, a sly grin plastered on his lips. The two stared at each other for a few moments before Sunoo sighed, reluctantly agreeing. Heeseung let out a small cheer before clapping his hands together.

“Alright, let’s meet back here tonight at eight.”

Niki trudged towards the tree with Sunoo at his side, the rest of their friends already waiting, their figures illuminated by the lantern one of them was holding. Sunoo breathed out a sigh, and Niki tilted his head to glance at him. The boy still didn’t seem very enthusiastic about this whole ordeal. Niki couldn’t help but feel a little rustled by his friend’s uneasiness, and silently nudged Sunoo’s hand with his own. When Sunoo looked at him, Niki gave him a soft smile.

“Are you scared?” Niki questioned.

“No,” the older sighed, “I just think it’s a bit silly to be doing this.”

“Silly?” 

Sunoo stopped for a moment and met Niki’s gaze. “Don’t you? Even if there isn’t a kumiho, it’s late and we won’t be able to see well. The forest is full of wild animals and poisonous plants that we aren’t familiar with. If someone does get hurt, it’s gonna be hard to find our way out of the forest quickly and without other incidents.”

Niki stilled. In truth, he hadn’t really put much thought behind his decision. If everyone else had said yes, then he would too. Niki didn’t consider himself a follower, in fact, he was rather the opposite. But he trusted his friends and would follow them in whatever they chose. Sunoo watched Niki as he thought, before taking another breath and starting to walk towards their friends again.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m sure we’ll be fine. Besides, I'll be there to keep everyone out of trouble.” Sunoo said as he turned back to him with a light smile on his lips. Niki nodded, following the boy.

Jake was the first to notice them, calling out with a bright grin. Jay quickly quieted him, reminding him that it was in fact late at night and people might get suspicious if they heard yelling. Sunghoon joined in, although his remarks toward Jake were a little more snarky. The two were still arguing by the time Niki and Sunoo reached them, Heeseung slinging an arm around their shoulders with a broad grin on his face. 

“Now that everyone’s here, should we get going?” He asked. The group nodded as one, as they set off into the forest with only the small oil lamp to light their way. 

It was relatively silent for the first few minutes, each of them carefully not to be too loud in order not to awaken their drowsy town, as well as to not accidentally scare each other in the process. The seven boys moved relatively slowly, the one measly light between them halting them from progressing quickly. A silence drifted over them as they ventured further in, every now and then someone would snap a twig and their soft footsteps would freeze. Niki wondered if they were really scared of something being out here. After all, no one would be able to hear a single twig cracking all the way from town.

Eventually, they stumbled into a small clearing. Well, about as clear as it had been so far. There were still trees littered around and shrubbery to shove aside, but it wasn't nearly as dense as the woods they had traveled through prior. The boys drifted from their single-file line and glanced around as best they could in the dark. Suddenly, a hand was pointing toward something near the edge of the clearing.

“Hey, is that a house?” A voice Niki recognized as Jungwon called out from beside him. Following the boy’s hand and peering past it, Niki saw a small building. It seems rugged and hollow, but nonetheless, it did look like a cabin.

“Do you think the kumiho lives there?” Jake asked, his voice a little breathy.

“I mean, who else lives in the woods” Heeseung replied, stepping over a tree root to cross towards the structure. Sunoo reached out to grab his wrist, an almost pleading look in his eye.

“What if someone lives there? You can’t just break in!” 

“If a person lived in there, they would take better care of it,” Heeseung scoffed, turning away and resuming his way over, “come on, guys!”

Niki watched Jay give Sunoo an apologetic look, patting him once on the back before following Heeseung. The others trailed behind the two oldest until it was Niki and Sunoo alone again. Niki fixed him with a questioning look, but Sunoo simply sighed, gesturing to the youngest before setting off to catch up with the rest.

When Niki arrived at the front of the house, Heeseung and Jake were already attempting to get in. Heeseung had a shoulder against the door, trying to forcefully knock it down. Jake was kicking at the bottom of the wood, although both boys’ attempts seemed to prove futile. Sunghoon spoke up, pointing to the handle on the door.

“Doesn’t work. It’s stuck or something,” Heeseung gritted out, pulling back before slamming his body against the door. It seemed to rattle the frail house, and the sound of something crashing came from inside the cabin. The wooden door trembled against his weight but held firm nonetheless. Jake looked at the boy with widened eyes, and slowly backed out of his way. Heeseung rammed into the door over and over, grunts leaving his mouth with each collision. The rest of the boys simply watched him, the forest silent save for the thuds and creaking of the house. Niki glanced over at Sunoo, seeing the boy’s face scrunch up in a wince every time Heeseung’s body collided with the wood.

Eventually, Heeseung sunk down in front of the jammed door, his steadfast resolve cracking. His head leaned back to rest against the wood, a sigh slipping past his lips. Niki stared at him before his eyes drifted to look at the house. The wood was splintering in some places, and the wood pillars at the corners of the house looked close to falling apart. The windows were hidden by shutters, although one was hanging off by the hinges, allowing Niki to see the glass behind it. It was surprisingly clear, and he didn’t see any cracks at all. The seemingly pristine condition of the window was in direct contrast with the withering state of the rest of the cabin. The building was obviously abandoned, and yet the window’s glass seemed to be kept clean and cared for. Niki leaned forward a tiny bit to look closer at the window, attempting to make out the inside of the house, only to see a figure blocking his view.

Wait, what?

Niki froze, blinking a few times. Perhaps he was simply imagining things. Yet still, a pair of eyes met his through the window. Inside the cabin, a girl stood in front of the window, peering at Niki with a curious glint in her eyes. Niki’s gaze flickered toward Heeseung in a panic, but when he looked back at the window, the girl and her inquisitive eyes were gone. Niki felt an unsettling dread build in his gut, the desperate urge to leave filling his body. A small voice in the back of his mind wanted to push further, to know more, but his innate instincts won. The realization hit him all at once: that it was almost midnight, they were in the middle of the forest, outside a strange cabin, with a peculiar girl watching them from the window, and Heeseung was sitting right beside the door. 

“It’s probably abandoned, it looks pretty rundown. I don’t think there is any use in trying to get inside,” Niki rushed out, “we should probably start heading back anyways.”

Heeseung slowly pushed himself to his feet, a grin spreading across his face.

“What is it, getting cold feet?” He mocked, his tone light.

“I agree with Niki, let’s go home,” Jungwon yawned, “I’m getting tired.”

The seven of them begin to make their way back towards the village, leaving the cabin behind. Niki swears he hears Sunoo breathe a sigh of relief but chooses not to comment on it, still a little stunned by the perplexing girl through the glass. Niki glances at the empty window once more, only the darkness meeting him now.

“Hey, Niki! Hurry up, man!” Jake calls out. Niki shakes his head, turning and trailing after his friends. It was silent as they followed the path they took to the cabin, a lingering feeling of unease followed him until they exited the forest. The boys bid each other goodnight, small smiles exchanged, some pulled a little too tight around the edges. 

Although Niki still felt apprehensive as he snuck back into bed that night, a peculiar wonder began to eat at him. Why was that girl living in the woods? Where is her family? Why didn’t she do anything? Question after question flittered through his mind, not a single one was he able to answer. But Niki wanted to know. He felt a desire to learn about whoever it was he saw that night, and it unsettled him almost as much as actually seeing her did. Adrenaline was still running through his veins, and with that alone keeping him awake, he formed a plan.

The next night, Niki snuck out through his bedroom window again, carefully shutting it behind him when his feet hit the dirt. It was a little bit more difficult tonight, however, because not only was Niki carrying his own oil lamp, but draped around his wrist was a basket, a white cloth carefully wrapped around the contents inside. 

That morning, Niki had taken a bit more for breakfast than he usually did, claiming he would eat it for lunch as well. On top of his usual bread and jam, he also grabbed another serving of both, and a bit of cheese to go with it. Then, under the pretense of having forgotten something in his room, he quickly stashed the loaf of milk bread, the jar of strawberry jam, and the cheese block in the basket, tying a knot at the top of the cloth to keep ants away, and shoved it under his bed. He didn’t get to eat much that day, but honestly, Niki didn’t think he would be able to stomach it anyways. Worry was eating at him for most of the day, the thought of being completely alone in the forest, unable to call for anyone if something went awry. But Niki shook it off, his eagerness keeping him going.

Gripping the lantern tighter, Niki began his journey to their tree and the forest beyond. He followed the path the seven of them took the night before, retracing their steps a little slower than before, keeping a careful watch on his surroundings. He arrived at the cabin without any adversities, swiveling his head once more before walking to the front steps. Niki carefully set the basket in front of the door, the wood seeming sturdy even after all Heeseung did to it the previous night. 

Niki’s eyes flickered to the windows, the single shutter still hanging loosely. He refused to look too closely this time, quickly slipping away from the house without lingering too long. He felt much more vulnerable without the assurance of the other boys beside him. Niki ran all the way back through the forest, leaves whipping against his skin and the gentle breeze turning fierce as he pushed out of the forest. He didn’t stop running until he reached the safety of their looming oak tree, feeling its embrace as his feet hit its roots. Niki paused for a moment, his breath coming out in quick pants. After catching his breath, Niki turned to look over his shoulder, a small grin forming on his face. 

Now all he had to do was wait.

“Niki! Are you listening?” Jake waved his hand in front of Niki’s face, successfully pulling him from his daze. The seven boys were currently sitting around Sunghoon’s room listening to Jake tell them about his most recent catch from the lake and how his mother was complaining he spent too much time fishing. Jake shook his head at Niki before continuing his rant.

“And she kept going on about how I needed to start focusing more on finding someone to marry and settling down,” he rolled his eyes, lifting a hand to rest his chin on, “like I need to find someone, we all know that any of the girls in town would be kill to end up marrying one of us.”

Although there were some scoffs from the older boys at Jake’s confidence, it wasn’t as if he was wrong. They were popular in their village, and especially popular among the girls. Before Heeseung and Jay finally decided on one girl, they typically had a new one hanging off their arm every week. The rest of them always had girls giving them gifts and whatnot, vying for their attention. More often than not, girls would give them gifts in the form of food, such as pies or freshly baked bread.

Like the bread Niki gave to the girl in the forest.

He quickly shot up from his spot on the floor, muttering an apology about not feeling well and going home early. Niki ignored the weird looks the other boys gave him, walking out the door and away from their prying eyes. All he could think about was that girl. He had visited her cabin again last night, only to find the food was gone. And not only was that gone, but so was the entire basket, meaning that a human had to have taken it. An animal would have no need for a basket, and it was unlikely that it would even attempt to take it. The fact that it was gone confirmed his suspicion that someone lived in that cabin. He hadn’t been seeing things when he saw the figure in the window. But what should he do now? Was he supposed to tell his friends?

Lost in his thoughts, Niki didn’t pay attention to what he was doing or where he was going. He was only pulled back into reality when he felt a sharp sting on the side of his arm. He looked down to see blood beginning to trickle from a cut on his bicep. He winced, feeling the cloth of his shirt brushing against the wound. He glanced around him for the cause of the injury when he spotted someone crouching down near him. He paused, surprised to find someone else out here. He took a few steps closer, trying to get a better glimpse of the mysterious person. 

The person seemed to be a girl, and she was crouched down beside a thin red fox, feeding it something out of the palm of her hand. Niki was a little shocked, everyone knew it was dangerous to go in the woods in general but to get that close to the unpredictable wildlife? It was essentially begging to get attacked. Niki craned his neck, peering at the girl’s hand, where a small piece of cheese sat being offered to the fox. With a start, Niki realized that could be the cheese he gave to the girl in the cabin, and this might just be that girl.

“Hey, you!” Niki yelled, wincing at his own volume. The fox jerked its head up before darting off deeper into the woods, leaving the girl and her bit of cheese behind. She turned to where Niki stood, a scowl on her face. Even with her expression distorting her features, Niki could tell she was beautiful. Niki didn’t get to admire the girl for long before she was stomping over to him, calling out as she did so.

“You scared the fox away! He has to eat too, you know,” she snapped at him, waving her hands around for emphasis, “Do you always just go around yelling in the woods, huh?”

Niki rubbed the back of his neck, a little sheepish at being scolded by a girl he didn’t even know. He mumbled an apology, speaking up once her temper had quelled.

“But you know, it’s dangerous in the forest. You really shouldn’t be out here.”

She wouldn’t quite meet his gaze, but he saw her roll her eyes anyways, “Oh yeah? Then what are you doing out here?”

Niki was taken aback by this, not expecting her to rebut him. He fumbled over his words, claiming that he was just looking for something, a certain kind of berry. When questioned why, Niki made up some random nonsense about how if you see those berries, it brings you good luck. Niki didn’t know anything about berries, nor did he care for superstitious myths like that, but he couldn’t tell her that he was trying to find a random girl he saw in the window of an abandoned cabin that he didn’t even know what she looked like besides a brief glimpse.

“Is that so?” the girl questioned, clearly unconvinced by his ramblings. She finally lifted her head enough to meet Niki’s gaze, and he sucked in a breath out of shock. 

Niki recognized those eyes, he doesn’t think he would ever be able to forget them. Her eyes were the most memorable thing about her, shining through the glass. They held the same curious tinge as they had the night he first saw her, and Niki’s chest suddenly felt lighter and eerily dense at the same time. He wasn’t even able to reply to the girl, stuck staring at her eyes as they flickered down to his arm, widening at some point below his shoulder.

“What happened?” She yelped, reaching out to examine his arm. Niki hissed when her fingers made contact with his wound, the pain flaring up even though the barrier of his sleeve prevented direct contact. The girl’s eyebrows furrowed, and she looked up at him, inquiring for permission to look at his injury. He nodded dumbly, almost hypnotized by her gaze, and suppressed a shiver at the feeling of her cold fingers brushing against his arm. 

Niki peered down at his arm, surprised to find a patch of blood soaked through his sleeve. He watched as the girl gently lifted the fabric up and away from the rest of his arm, bunching it up at his shoulder. The wound itself seemed to have gotten worse, red flaring up around the injury, blood continuing to leak from the cut. It didn’t look infected, but it was clear that it would likely be soon if it wasn’t properly attended to. The girl seemed to realize this too and turned her gaze back toward him.

“Let me clean that for you, I have some bandages at my cabin,” She told him, moving her hand away from his arm to let it fall at her side. She held a sort of determination in her gaze, and although he knew he shouldn’t follow a stranger deeper into the forest, something in his gut spurred him to trust her. Niki bobbed his head, trailing after the girl as she sharply turned on her heel and walked confidently into the trees. 

As Niki tailed behind her, he noticed she moved through the forest with a sort of learned elegance, as if she could find her way around even if she was blindfolded. She knew which trees had hidden roots, knew which shrubs and plants were poisonous, knew when there was an animal nearby, and warned Niki of all of this before he had even considered it a possibility. To be this well-versed in the forest, Niki thought she must have lived here for a long time. The thought both intrigued and saddened him. He wondered what must have happened to her to force her into living in such conditions for as long as she likely had. 

If she was a kumiho, it would make sense that she’s lived in the woods her whole life.

Niki stilled at the notion, that looming dread creeping back. The girl must have noticed his pause, looking back to give him an inquiring stare.

“What is it?”

Niki opened his mouth but no words came out. He shook his head, forcing a small smile across his lips.

“Nothing.”

She didn’t seem convinced, but he caught her gaze flicker to his arm and she nodded, quickly turning back. The rest of the walk to her cabin was silent, Niki’s thoughts swirling around his head like smoke, slowly suffocating him with their fumes.

If Niki hadn’t recognized the girl before, he definitely would have when they reached her house. It was the exact same cabin Niki and his friends had found nights prior, and it was still in the same poor condition as it had been. The girl seemed to only now realize this, and Niki saw a flush creep up her neck. She didn’t mention it, however, her strides assured as she pushed open the door with ease. Niki almost wanted to laugh, imagining Heeseung’s face if he saw this after he had so much trouble with the dreaded door.

She sat him down at a small table beside the kitchen, telling him to wait there while she went to go get supplies. Niki took the opportunity to observe the girl’s home. Contrary to the outside of the cabin, the inside was well-kept and nicely decorated. The walls held a multitude of framed flowers, each one labeled beneath in skillful ink. There were potted plants in most corners of the home, ranging from petite ones sitting on the counter to vast plants reaching to the ceiling. The walls were solid, it seemed as if there was a separate wall for the inside and outside of the house. The furniture was sparse and simple, but the abundance of plants easily made up for the empty space. Niki found the cabin rather cozy, almost warm, a stark contrast from the cold and menacing exterior.

The girl returned with gauze and two small bottles of liquid. Niki assumed one was water, but wasn't quite sure what the other was. She sat down beside him and got to work silently. She peeled off a section of gauze, dousing it in water before lifting Niki’s sleeve again, carefully pressing the damp cloth against his cut. She was gentle enough for it to not hurt much as she wiped away the blood surrounding it. Once the girl deemed it sufficient, she tore off more gauze and soaked it in the other liquid. Niki was curious, but he refrained from asking, opting to let her work instead. She turned back to him but hesitated a little before pressing the soaked gauze against his wound.

“This might sting a little.” She added, settling the cloth on the gash. Niki hissed, retracting his arm from his grip. Sure, she had given him a warning, but it still hurt, and it stung more than just a little. She also moved her hand away, peering up at him with concern. 

“I’m sorry, did it hurt?” The girl worried. Niki shook his head, even though he could still feel it burning a bit. 

“No, just caught me off guard,” He grunted. She nodded, pressing the cloth lighter this time, brushing it over the wound. Niki gritted his teeth, the burning lessening the more he got used to it. He spoke up again, partly to distract himself.

“What is this stuff anyways?”

“It’s diluted vinegar. It helps with disinfecting wounds, but you shouldn’t leave it on for too long. It could end up harming more than helping.” She answered, her voice smooth. It wasn’t long before she withdrew the cloth, and Niki let out a small sigh. He saw the corners of the girl’s mouth twitch up, but she spoke before he could say anything.

“Don’t worry, I never liked it much either.” She took the dry gauze and began to wrap it around his arm. Her touch was delicate like he was something fragile. He almost disliked it, but at the same time, it felt nice to have someone take care of him for once. As Niki watched her, he wondered if she recognized him too. She had to, right? Surely you wouldn’t forget a boy who had tried to break into your house in the middle of the night. But then again, perhaps she had mistaken the incident for a dream. For some reason, Niki wanted her to know that it wasn't. 

“I know you.” He announced, his voice much calmer than he felt. In reality, his heart was pounding, his eyes a little too wide as he watched for her reaction. The only affirmation he got that she had heard him at all was her pulling his gauze a tiny bit too tight, pausing for only an instant before resuming her work.

“What do you mean?”

“I saw you a few nights ago when I was with my friends,” Niki began, his pulse creeping up his throat, “through the window.”

She finished wrapping his wound, tying it off at the side in a simple knot. He almost wanted to admire her work, the wrapping far better than he could have ever done, but he kept his eyes trained on the girl. She leaned back, looking him in the eye.

“I remember now, your friend kept banging against the door. I was woken up and took a look outside, thinking it was one of the wild animals I feed wanting food.”

Niki restrained a wince. After that disaster of a first impression, it was a miracle she even let him near her house. He felt the need to explain himself, but he quickly lost his composure, beginning to ramble and stumble over his words.

“We weren’t trying to break in! Well, we kinda were, but we didn’t think anyone lived here! I mean, from the outside, it looked pretty abandoned. Not to say you don’t take enough care of it, it just seemed a bit unkempt! That’s why we tried to get in! Wouldn’t you do the same thing? I mean, come on, it’s not every day you find a house in the middle of the woods, we just wanted to take a look inside!”

The girl suddenly laughed, her joyful expression catching Niki off guard. Her laugh was sweet, the sound easing the tension Niki had slowly built in his shoulders. She smiled at him, a soft easy-going one, and the sun caught in her eyes from the window, giving them a dazzling shine.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. You were just curious. Like you said, I would have done the same thing.” She teased, giving him a playful wink. Niki flushed, muttering a shy apology. He looked back up at her, feeling his own lips tug up at her contagious smile.

“What’s your name?” He asked. The girl seemed to stop for a moment, her gaze meeting his. There was something there that he couldn’t quite place, but it made him feel warm and safe and nervous all at the same time. She seemed conflicted for a second, before letting her mouth rest into a serene smile.

“Y/n. It’s y/n.”

You weren’t exactly sure what to make of Niki. He didn’t seem to have the same intentions as the boys who you met before, didn’t have the same hungry gaze. Instead, he seemed curious, a desire to learn more about you as a person, not just for your appearance. It caught you off guard, especially since despite this curiosity, he still remained cautious of your presence. While the other boys were always smug, and overly confident in their abilities, Niki retained some humility. It honestly astonished you, knowing the crowd he hung around. You didn’t know most of their names, but you had heard about one in particular, the oldest of their group. 

When you first arrived in this town a few months ago, you saw a boy who would always wander around the forest, often killing rabbits and other small rodents. It pissed you off. You snuck around town sometimes after that, trying to see what he did besides killing wildlife. You watched him for a few weeks, watched as he went through girl after girl, watched as he corrupted their minds and ruined their reputations. It brought him a sick satisfaction, and you wanted more than anything to give him a taste of his own medicine. 

You purposely walked along the path he liked to hunt on, waiting for him. He responded about how you expected, all charming smiles and coy winks. You lured him in, purring your words and sweetening your tone. You acted like every one of the girls he had ruined, except this time it would be him.

You had known you had when his hands got a little too touchy and his glances lingered on you a little too long. His sweet words did nothing to mask the fervent hunger. He looked at you like he did the animals he killed. It sickened you, and you knew it was time. You teased him with a honeyed grin and watched his eyes widen in disbelief when you sunk claws into his heart. 

You don’t remember his name, but you knew he had a brother. You saw him at the funeral, a deep frown decorating his face and fresh tears streaking his face. You suppose you shouldn’t have expected anything different from the boy, seeing as he was your most recent kill’s brother. He played girls the same way his brother did, although not to the same extent. He only seemed to do it after his brother was gone, perhaps in his memory in some sick sense. But he settled down, found a girl, and committed fully, treating her as gold. Perhaps that is why you left him alone. Perhaps letting him live when his brother was gone was more punishment than simply killing him.

When Niki came along, he took the time to tell you all about his friends. You learned the oldest of their group was called Heeseung, and was finally able to put a name to his face. When Niki mentioned Heeseung’s brother, you struggled to keep your face neutral, desperate to not let recognition show in your eyes. You swore you did a horribly poor job, but if Niki noticed, he said nothing.

Ever since the day you had cleaned his wound for him in your cabin, he visited you as often as he could. Some days he couldn’t find you, and you simply took the chance to watch him from afar. You wanted to see if he was as gentle with the wildlife as he was with you. You had seen boys that treated you with care but blatantly disrespected the nature beneath their feet. A voice in the back of your head was hoping he would mess up, hoping that your previous view could be restored. But he always stepped with care, never intruding on any wild animal’s personal space. You ruled out the possibility of him simply being scared, as he often excitedly chattered to you about how pretty the foxes and deer were, and how he wished he could touch them. He brought more cheese with him, and you taught him how to feed the foxes. Niki seemed entranced by them, carefully reaching his hand out, palm open, with a bit of cheese. His mouth opened in a small gasp the first time a fox took the cheese, and when it scampered off, he turned to you with a bright smile and wide eyes. You had burned the image into your mind and secretly traced it into your heart.

You were quickly coming to realize it was difficult to lie to Niki. Not because he could read you easily, in fact, he was rather dense when it came to understanding your inner thoughts, but due to some odd moral dilemma. He had shattered your previous perception. His gaze wasn’t a tiger’s or a lion’s, it wasn’t a hungry beast waiting for the chance to strike. It was like a gentle breeze, light touches and dancing around, softly encouraging you onward. 

You simply couldn’t bring yourself to lie to Niki. Even on the first day, you couldn’t lie to him. Whenever a boy had asked for your name, you either made one up or simply refused to tell them, playing it off with a sly smirk and a wink. But somehow, Niki was able to make you let your guard down. Your name was rolling off your tongue before you could even think of the consequences. His tender smile as he told you his name made any thoughts or regrets evaporate.

You still remember how soft his voice sounded when he asked about your parents one night. The two of you were laying on your backs in the clearing, gazing up at the stars. He pointed out all the constellations he knew, chirping about how his mom had taught them to him when he was younger. His voice had gotten faint once he asked, and he shifted himself up on his elbows to better look at your face. 

“You don’t have to answer.” He added in a quiet voice, harmless and unassuming like a rabbit. 

“No, it’s alright,” You said. You thought for a moment about what to tell him and settled on the closest thing to the truth you could get, “I never knew them. They probably died soon after I was born.” You watched the stars, keeping your eyes away from Niki. Part of you knew that if you held his gaze for too long you might spill everything to him. And while you desperately wanted to trust him, you weren’t sure you could. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Niki slowly nod, processing what you told him. 

“Do you,” He started cautiously, “ever wish you didn’t have to be alone?”

You stared straight ahead, silently stunned. You pulled yourself out of it, thinking over his question. You didn’t have a time when you weren’t alone, so it wasn’t like you really had something to compare it to. But you weren’t alone, you knew that.

“Sometimes, sure. But I have the forest. I have the deer, and the rabbits, and the foxes to keep me company. We look out for each other, we keep each other safe.” A small smile graced your lips, an honest one, not for show or anything else. You basked in the silence for a moment, listening to the wind as it brushed over the two of you.

“And you have me.” Niki declared. You looked at him, your expression confused, and Niki cleared his throat before repeating himself.

“You have me, too. We can look out for each other. Even if we feel alone, we will be here for each other, okay?” He had a determination in his eyes that you wanted to coo at, but you felt breathless. You simply stared at him for a few seconds, silence drifting between you, but Niki’s expression stayed resolute. A tranquil feeling danced over your body, and you let yourself relax into the grass.

“Okay. We have each other.” He smiled, content, and laid back down beside you, the dewy grass tickling your bodies. 

You knew then that you couldn’t deceive him any longer.

When Niki visited you the next day, you had a sinking feeling. It was as if you were swimming towards safety but the closer to shore you swam the further away it got. You could feel your mind slowly getting tired, limbs numb as you pressed on. You prayed that Niki wouldn’t notice. You had promised yourself that you would tell him, but you wanted to decide that on your own, not because you were urged into it.

Of course, you should have known it wouldn’t happen the way you wanted. Niki had a way of making you open up. You found yourself carving spaces for him deep inside of you, time and time again, and now was no different. His eyes were considerate as they watched you, and his voice was small when he spoke.

“Are you alright? You seem on edge,” Niki coaxed, “Did something happen?”

You had never been able to lie to Niki. Even now, when faced with a question where you should have responded with a well-practiced lie, your breath caught in your throat. It was simple, you should never tell anyone about what you were, not unless you planned on them being dead within the next 5 minutes. And yet here you were, ready to spill out your heart to the boy with a gaze as gentle as the wind. In his eyes, you saw the shore you desperately needed to reach.

“I need to tell you something.”

He nodded, letting you take his hand and lead him back inside your cabin. You sat him down at the small table, taking the seat beside him. You remembered the very first time the two of you sat here, and you felt an urge to reach out for his arm, to look for the wound even though the scar had long faded. You felt Niki squeeze your still intertwined hands, and you took a breath before you spoke.

“I’m a kumiho.” You gulped, the feeling of dread building up again. It threatened to drown you, an overwhelming force pushing over your head. You braced yourself for him to attack you, ripping his hand away with a disgusted expression, using whatever was closest to him to strike you with. Or perhaps it would be worse, his gaze would turn fearful, his mouth dropping in a silent scream, and he would bolt away from you, taking the shore, taking your safety with him. 

“I know,” Niki said finally. You stared at him, astonished. 

“You.. know?” 

He nodded, a simple thing, but to you, it felt like you had finally reached safety. Your aching body collapsed against the sand, feeling the grains stick against your soaked skin.

“I’ve had a feeling since I first saw you,” He let a light chuckle slip through, the sound feeling foreign in the current situation. Niki hesitated for a second, before grasping your other hand as well, eyes piercing through you.

“Can I ask you something?”

You nodded dumbly, far too shocked to be able to think clearly.

“Why didn’t you kill me?” 

His eyes held a million questions, but he had settled on this one. You didn’t know how to explain it to yourself, let alone him You felt lost and yet seen, you were about to sink but he was keeping you afloat. When you were seconds from burning out, he lit you aflame.

“You were just… different.”

“Why? What did they do?” His tone wasn’t critical or condemning, it was simply curious. His gaze was humane, bordering on sympathetic, and you almost wanted to cry.

“They didn’t care about anyone else but themselves. They would kill wildlife and laugh about it. They destroyed and corrupted girls and got satisfaction from it. It made me sick, Niki.”

His gaze softened as you spoke, and he let go of one of your hands to reach out, brushing against your face delicately. It was only then you realized there were tears running down your face. You began to cry harder at the recognition, feeling Niki’s hands wipe away your tears as they fell, consoling you. You murmured about how you wished they would do such things, and he quieted your blubbering with soothing hands. 

You blinked away the rest of the tears, peering at him in a mixture of shame and awe. He stared back with what could only be described as adoration, a tender smile painting his lips. Niki waited until your tears had stopped falling, reduced to small sniffles before he spoke.

“Is it true that if a kumiho doesn’t kill anyone for a thousand days, then they will become human?” He asked, a glimmer of something you couldn’t place in his eyes.

“Yes, it is.” You responded slowly, doubtful of where exactly he was going with this.

“How long has it been since you last,” Niki paused for a moment before steeling himself, “since you last killed someone?”

Your voice caught in your throat, the words like a vice grip around you. Niki clasped your hands tightly, whispers of “It’s okay” and “They weren’t innocent” in his soft voice reaching your ears.

“His name was Beomgyu,” You hiccupped, “It was a week before I saw you for the first time.” The only thing keeping you steady was Niki’s secure hold.

“So it’s been a couple months?”

You nodded gently, not quite looking him in the eye. You felt ashamed, a feeling you had never had about what you did to those boys before you met Niki.

“Do you think you can do it?” He asked faintly. You looked at him then, a question written in your gaze.

“Can you not hurt anyone for the rest of the thousand days?” He coaxed, “Then you would be human, you wouldn’t have to worry anymore.” 

You almost broke out into tears again from his words. Never had you thought you would open up to someone this much, your heart in your hands, practically begging him to take it. You felt selfish, selfish for wanting to have him, selfish for tainting him with your previous actions. A part of you told you to refuse, that you had already gone too far. This was your only chance to attempt to fix things, to save him from yourself.

“I’ll wait for you, y/n, I promise. I’ll wait for as long as it takes.”

You closed your eyes then, desperately willing the tears pooling up to disappear. A single one fell down your cheek anyway, and a pitiful gasp escaped you. 

“You don’t have to, Niki.”

“I want to.” He assured, taking your face in his hands. The two of you stared at each other for what felt like ages, before he spoke again, never taking his eyes off yours.

“Can I kiss you?”

You nodded as best you could with his hands around your face, and waited for the press of his lips against yours. When it finally came, only then did you allow your eyes to close, breaking the gaze between you. 

It wasn’t anything like you had experienced before. It wasn’t rough, it wasn’t hungry, it wasn’t the beast you had come to anticipate. His kiss was just as gentle as he was, a soft, sweet breeze picking you up. It made you feel as light as the sky and brought you back down to Earth at the same time. It made you feel human.

Niki pulled back after a few seconds, resting his forehead against yours, a serene smile playing on his lips. You felt your own lips tugging upwards to match his, a silent wish to be able to live like him. It hit you then that you could.

“I’m scared, Niki.” you whispered in the space between you, “What if it hurts? What if I can’t do it?”

What if it doesn’t work?

“I believe in you. I’ll be by your side the whole way, I promise you.” He soothed. 

The two of you stayed like that for a while, just holding each other. You decided to trust in him. You had already given him the most intricate parts of who you were, you wanted him to have everything.

Tonight was the end of the thousandth day, and you were finally going to be human. In all honestly, you were terrified. And you were upset too. Niki hadn’t visited you for an entire week now. You knew Niki had grown up some, and gained more responsibilities, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. You should have known he would have less time for you as the two of you grew older, it had almost been 3 years since you first met each other, and his town and family were calling on him to settle down. But you refused to acknowledge that until it hit you in the face.

Despite these new duties, Niki hadn’t changed as a person. He was still sweet, still gentle when he held you and gentle with your home. He still had the same beaming smile whenever a fox ate from his hand or curled up at his feet. Niki was still your tranquil breeze, the wind brushing through your hair and guiding you along.

You had learned more about him over the past few years, and under the cover of night, even gotten to visit his village a few times. His bubbly tone as he showed you around overshadowed the consequences if you were caught. 

Thinking about all the experiences you had with him only made you more irritated that he wasn’t here with you now. He had promised you, and Niki was never one to break his promises. You had seen that time and time again, which made his absence all the more distressing. But perhaps he had simply forgotten, after all, it is difficult to keep track of every single day. You secretly prayed that he had just forgotten and that nothing else had happened.

That night, when you finally became human, it wasn’t anything grand or spectacular like you had often joked. It wasn’t the deadly pain you had expected either. Instead, when midnight arrived, you simply blacked out. The next thing you remember was waking up in the morning, sore all over your body, especially on the sides of your head, hands, feet, and lower back. You felt a rush of hopefulness wash over you when you realized those were the areas your kumiho nature was most likely to show through, whether that be fox ears, claws, or the easily recognizable nine tales. In a daze, you attempted to change fully into a kumiho, ecstatic to find that you couldn’t, no matter how hard you tried. With wide eyes and a blissful smile, you began jumping around your small cabin out of pure joy.

Your first instinct was to find Niki, only to remember you hadn’t seen him in over a week. With a newfound confidence in your humanity, you began walking down to his town, intent on finding him. You still feel a little hesitant walking around in broad daylight, but to your surprise, there isn’t anyone around. Assuming they must be working inside or resting, you head to Niki’s home. You creep around the back, to where his bedroom window is. However, when you get there, you were puzzled to find wood boarded up over where his window should be.

You curiously examine it, finding a small sliver near the bottom where the planks didn’t quite reach. You peer through, seeing Niki pacing around his room. You call out to him, watching as his head snaps toward where you are in a panic. He checks over his shoulder at the door before rushing over, crouching down until he is faced with the small gap.

“Y/n? You need to run, now.” Niki insisted, his voice strained, “I don’t know how, but the town found out about us, about how you’re a kumiho.”

“But I’m not a kumiho anymore! It worked, Niki, I’m human now.”

He paused for a moment, breathing out what you could only call a sigh of relief.

“That’s amazing, really.” He answered, his tone breathy, “But right now, you have to get out of here. They don’t care if you’re human now.”

“I can’t just leave you here.” You responded. You couldn’t, not after everything he had done for you. 

“Y/n, if you don’t leave now, they are going to kill you.” 

You wouldn’t leave him now. Niki had shown you what it meant to live, to be alive. You would never leave him in a thousand years.

“I’ll be back to get you out of here. We are leaving together.” You rushed out against his pleas. You heard shouts, and snuck over to the side of his house, peeking out. There you saw what seemed to be the majority of the town, standing around with torches and a variety of weapons, ranging from swords to spears to axes. You suppressed a shudder, catching sight of Heeseung and what you assumed to be the rest of Niki’s friends. While they all looked varying degrees of upset, Heeseung looked downright furious. You briefly wondered if this was how he looked when he first learned of his brother’s death.

Before you could think about that any further, you quickly retreated back behind Niki’s house. After taking a deep breath, you began sprinting back toward your cabin. You felt the wind whipping against your face, and the leaves thrashing by your skin, but you paid it no mind. You reached your home quicker than you ever had before, throwing open the door and hurriedly flying around, tossing whatever you deemed necessary in a bag. You doubted you would be able to come back here again, so you put extra food and water than you would normally bring, multiple changes of clothes for the both of you, blankets, other basic survival equipment, and the music box Niki had gifted you last year. You slung the bag over your shoulder, checking its weight before rushing back out the door. You flew through the forest, desperate to get back to Niki before anything else could happen.

You slow your pace as you reach the outskirts of town, carefully creeping around until you reach Niki’s bedroom window again. You call out to him again, watching through the gap until you see him appear. You gently tell him to stand back and he nods, moving away. You tested the durability of the wood, pressing on it with your hand. It had more leeway than you expected, and you pull back your arm, preparing to smash against it with your bicep. Just before you were about to slam against the wood, you hear a shout near you.

“The kumiho is here! It’s trying to get to Niki!”

You turned toward the voice, spotting a woman you didn’t recognize holding a torch, pointing her free hand at you as she cried out. You took off in a flurry, your instincts sharp from living in the forest for so long. You heard Niki yell something behind you, but you were already too far to be able to clearly make out what he said. You run as fast as you are able to, taking difficult twists and turns through the forest in a frantic attempt to lose your pursuers. Soon you are only able to hear one set of footsteps behind you, and in an effort to look behind you to see who it is, you trip, falling to the ground.

Your pursuer caught up to you before you are able to get up, flipping you on your back and pining you there. You felt the cold metal of a blade pressed up against your neck, stinging as it lightly breaks the skin. You met the eyes of the person and felt a tremble run through you as you met Heeseung’s gaze. His eyes are cold, and his mouth is curled into a mocking smirk.

“I thought kumihos were supposed to be agile, hm?” He starts, feigning innocence, “I was hoping for a bit more of a chase, too bad.” He traced his sword up towards your chin, lips quirking down into a taunting frown. 

“I’m.. not a… kumiho anymore.” You gritted out, unable to talk properly due to Heeseung’s blade under your chin. He scoffed, peering down at you with hatred. He opened his mouth to speak again but was cut off by the sound of someone shouting behind him.

“Heeseung!”

You watched as the boy’s eyes widened, a deep scowl crossing his face. You recognized that voice, you knew it better than you knew your own.

“Stay out of this, Niki,” Heeseung ordered, voice bordering on a growl.

“Heeseung, please, just listen to me. She’s human now! It’s been almost three years since she hurt anyone, please don’t do this.” Niki begged. You couldn’t see him, but from the sound of his voice, it seemed like he was crying. The thought tugged at your heart despite the precarious situation you currently were in.

“I don’t care how long it’s been, this… thing will never be human. Not after it killed my brother.” Heeseung instinctively pressed the sword further against your neck, a wild look in his eyes.

“He.. wasn’t a good.. person.. your brother… hurt.. people..” You rasped out, wincing at Heeseung’s glare. 

“I don’t give a damn what you think about him. He was my brother.” 

“You don’t… know what he was.. capable of…” You croaked, feeling blood begin to trickle down the side of your neck from the small cut Heeseung’s blade made. The boy snarled at you, his dark expression causing you to shiver.

“Maybe I don’t,” Heeseung seethed, a sinister grin creeping up his face, “but I do know what I am capable of.” He drew the sword high above his head, ready to strike it down into your heart. You closed your eyes, waiting for the searing pain to arrive. 

Instead, you heard a shout, feeling the weight on top of you lighten. Your eyes snapped open, darting around until they landed on the two boys. Niki jumped at Heeseung as soon as he saw the boy lift his sword, tackling him to the ground. Heeseung’s sword had sunk into his own skin when he fell over, the deep gash on his left arm making him cry out in pain. He ripped the blade out, tossing it to the side, a deep grimace painting his features. Niki halted for a moment, shocked at his own actions. His pause gave Heeseung enough time to reach into his own pocket, pull out a small silver knife, and slash it against Niki’s shoulder. It wasn’t nearly as deep as Heeseung’s wound, but Niki yelped out in pain nonetheless. 

You scrambled to your feet, grabbing the sword Heeseung had thrown aside and pulling Niki up and behind you, pointing the sword at Heeseung. He stared at you, clutching his arm in agony. A small voice told you to just kill him, to make sure he wouldn’t follow you, to make sure he wouldn’t tell the others where you had gone. The thought of hurting him made you feel sickened, even after what he had just done to you. You gave Heeseung one last glance before you grabbed Niki’s hand and ran.

The two of you kept running until you reached a section deep inside the woods. After checking the surrounding area to make sure no one had followed you, you pulled out the gauze and diluted vinegar you had brought with you. There was a small lake here, and you dipped a piece of gauze into the water, not wanting to use up water that the two of you could drink. Niki had removed his shirt, allowing you easy access to the wound. You thoroughly cleaned his wound, before repeating the process with the diluted vinegar. Niki still flinched, even after almost three years. It made a fond smile decorate your face, even as the two of you sat in the woods after nearly being killed by one of Niki’s closest friends. 

You wrap his injury in silence, the two of you listening to the water and the wind, quiet and mild, blissfully unaware of the danger outside of its own bubble. Once you finish, you help Niki put his shirt back on without further injuring himself or disturbing the gauze. You sit back a little, guilt swelling inside of you.

“I’m sorry.” You apologized. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Niki turn to you, confused.

“Why are you sorry?”

“You can’t go back to your home now, and you even got hurt because of me.” You set your head in your hands, the day’s events finally catching up with you. Niki slowly pried your hands away, taking them in his.

“Y/n, you are my home. I never want to live without you,” He lightly smiled, and it made your stomach fill up with warmth as he continued, “I don’t care if we have to survive on our own in the woods or worry about where our next meal is gonna come from as long as I can be with you. I would risk my life over and over again if it meant keeping you safe.”

You blinked at him before pulling him towards you, pressing your lips against his in a soft kiss. He responded immediately, letting out a pleased hum at your actions. You pulled back, pressing your forehead against yours, mirroring what he did after your first kiss. He realized this after a second, a contented laugh leaving his lips. You felt his warm breath against your mouth and leaned in to press another peck against his lips.

“I love you, Niki.” You confessed.

“I’ve always loved you.” He cooed, an honest smile brightening his expression, “All our hardships are over now, I promise you.”

And even though that wasn’t something either of you could control, you believed him.

As Sunoo wandered aimlessly around the forest with his lantern, he had never felt more ashamed in his life. He never meant for it to happen this way, truly. When he saw Niki hanging out with this girl in the woods, he originally assumed it was a girl from the next town over. But when he saw the nine tails sprouting from her backside, he froze. Sunoo hadn’t known what to do. He ran back to town without a word, and couldn’t sleep that night. He was terrified for Niki, worried that the boy might end up dead any day. He had to tell someone.

So the next morning, he knocked on Heeseung’s door and told him everything. Sunoo didn’t see Heeseung’s eyes darken, and he didn’t see how Heeseung’s jaw clenched. The next thing he knew, Heeseung was calling all the other townspeople for a search party, telling them they were going to kill the kumiho. Sunoo had no choice but to join in.

Lost in his thoughts, he almost didn’t see them. But after looking again, sure enough, there sat Niki and the girl he had seen before, sitting together on the other side of the lake. She looked a little different, less fox-like, and more human now, but it was the same girl. Sunoo wasn’t really sure what to do. He knew what most of his friends would do, they would find backup and then attack them. He knew what Heeseung would do, he would go in alone, killing the girl at any cost. But he wasn’t his friends, and he wasn’t Heeseung. So instead Sunoo stayed still, and he simply watched them. He watched as the girl pulled what looked like bread out of her bread and offered it to Niki. He watched as they ate together, and he watched as they laughed. If he strained his ears, he could almost hear the sound.

After a few minutes, a fox pranced up beside him and sat down near his feet. Sunoo was a bit startled, but when the fox looked up at him and met his gaze, all Sunoo could do was sigh. He looked back across the lake at Niki and the girl, and he knew that he couldn’t fix what he’d done, but maybe he could give them a second chance. Sunoo peered back down at the fox, and in a soft voice, he spoke.

“Take care of them for me, okay?” Sunoo knew the fox couldn’t have understood him, but for some reason, he felt assured that the fox would stay there to watch over his friend. Sunoo glanced back at the two one more time, and with his heavy heart a little bit lighter, he turned on his heel and headed back to the village.

Permanent Taglist: @starrpt2 @sunnytheos @kalabasaa @ghostiiess @redm4ri @xiaoderrrr @en-chantedtomeetyou 

[olderthannetfic]

re: voltron being queerbaiting.

I feel like there needs to be a word for can't-believe-its-not-queerbait (suppose it could even be called that) because its a big enough phenomenon in 'progressive' stuff that ive seen that its hard to talk about.

Defining it like;

It spends months, sometimes even years hinting a character ~might~ be queer in something in the extra content and information (interviews, behind the scenes, official tweets, etc) in a way that is clearly to get more viewership and drum up the fandom interest by dangling Possible rep.

Interviews with cast and crew and promotional material treat the possible queer status like its a total spoiler and completely unreasonable to just say 'yeah they are bi/gay/trans it just hasn't become relevant yet' and be done with it.

When the rep finally does come it is either at a cost to the integrity of the plot/character development of the character(s) in question and/or they do a queerphobic trope (or multiple) like bury your gays or 'creepy pervert gay villain' whether or not its on the teased character.

With bonus points if:

The rep is blink and youll miss it in a way that it can be cut out of the media easily for marketing purposes

Its a company that isn't beholden to getting through to publishing (ie- indie company)

They act like they did the queer community a great service for giving lackluster rep after several years of taunting for views.

If you felt genuinely surprised that a media actually genuinely followed through on the tease and made a character gay/trans then it probably counts. It definitely counts if the bonus points get hit.

Its for stuff that FEELS like queerbaiting because they were being unnecessarily coy about it and then the followthrough was lackluster at best.

Examples include the aforementioned VLD and Supernatural.

The problem is I feel like people on tumblr would misuse it even harder than they do queerbaiting for shit like LoK that was genuinely trying to get around censors because its so contextual.

--

I've said it before and I will say it again:

SPN, despite how it feels on Tumblr, had literally millions of viewers who didn't see it how we saw it.

I do very, very occasionally run into cases where I genuinely feel like what you've outlined. Far more often, I run into cases where that perception makes a lot of sense if you're hanging out on tumblr but much less sense if you look at the sum total of the audience and all of the various opinions and comments of the many people involved in making the canon.

[veryace-ficrecs]

Spiderverse fic recs

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)

I can't guarantee there aren't any spoilers for the new movie!

Superhero Adoption Agency by brushstrokesApocalyptic - Rated T

Jefferson Davis realizes that Spider-Man is a child, and is determined to put an end to his recklessness. Miles disapproves.

It’s a School Night, Why are You Out Saving the World? by TechnicolorVocab01 - Rated G

Jefferson Davis can’t lie to himself, as much as he tries. He and Miles have always butted heads-- his son just has this carefree, unfettered approach to life that Davis' strict, no-nonsense methods seemingly have no place in. A large part of him loves Miles for that, truly, even though sometimes Jefferson feels as if he's just slowing him down. But now, with Miles away at school on weeknights-- seemingly always busy with something or another-- Jefferson has never felt that gaping space between himself and his son yawn wider. Enter the new Spider-Man. A free-spirited kid, five foot nothing and standing between the whole city and danger as if it’s his job, breaking a long series of minor laws with careless ease, and giving a certain cop heart palpitations on a regular basis. Jefferson Davis can’t lie to himself anymore. No matter how much he hates vigilantes-- especially of the masked variety-- a child is a child. And a dad is a dad.

what's up danger by tempestaurora - Rated T

Gwen snorted. “You and Miles would get along-” A smile appeared on her face, growing wider. “You wanna go on a trip?” “A multi-dimensional trip.” “The only fun kind,” she agreed. Gwen turned to him, her smile large and coaxing. “It’ll be great. I’ll get you back here as soon as you want – but it could be fun! Meet Miles, maybe another Peter if we have time.” Peter really wanted to go to another universe, let’s be clear. But he a) had homework, b) didn’t need his brain to melt out of his ears, and c) had a dinner to get to in three hours. He totally ended up going to another universe.

spiderman loves you by owlinaminor - Rated T

Or: how to figure out if your son is actually Spiderman without letting him know that you suspect he’s Spiderman because you want to make sure you’re right about him being Spiderman before you ground him for the rest of his adolescent life.

@heyitsspiderman by meggannn - Rated T

@heyitsspiderman: people act like they know this city but when i’m in the air i find more boroughs all the time. so far ive counted ten. dont listen to big brother in your ceiling (google) telling you otherwise (google maps)

Spinsta (Spidey Insta) by Ravenesta - Rated T

There are things that Jefferson Davis simply does not understand. He's starting to, though.

the family brooklyn by tactfulGnostalgic - Rated T

Series: 4 Works

New York is notoriously protective of its superheroes.

New Moves by WildInkling - Rated G

"Miles needed something else - he needs more moves, he needs new moves. Watching old Spider-man videos on Who-Tube was not gonna be enough." Or: Miles Morales takes up ballet.

Down the Waterspout by Mockingone - Rated T

Peter Parker hightails out of the particle collider with Miles Morales tucked under his arm. Or: Spider-Man lives, and the consequences thereafter.

One New Message by loveydoveywlw - Rated G

"When his dad finds out about him being Spider-Man, it's not in any way that Miles has hoped it would happen." Jefferson finds out about Miles's secret.

Niṣkalaṃka by HydraNoMago - Rated T

“I’m not stupid,” Pavitr retorted stubbornly. Hobie pulled back to look him in the eye, thumbs grazing across Pavitr’s cheeks, dragging frustrated tears along them. “Pav,” he began, but halted to find the right words. He inhaled shakily. “Okay Pav listen, please. You don’t have to be perfect all the time.” “What do you mean–” Pavitr, the Spider-Man who strives for perfection; meets Hobie, the Spider-Man who skews perfection. (A character study into Pavitr, and the progression of his relationship with Hobie. No one dies, everyone moves forward.)

live, laugh, love & sleep by hopeless_hope - Rated T

Being a superhero and traveling the multiverse is exhausting work. So is being a student. You can't blame a guy for always falling asleep. or Five times someone finds Miles sleeping and one time they can't wake him up.

[cherryo]

Love Game

So,,, ive been working on this for a little bit!! im really proud of it lol, i also listened to lady gaga the entire time(hence the name) 

Pairings: 2012! donnie x gn Reader genre: fluff? pronouns: gn word count: 2.8k warnings: assault, attempt at kidnapping, slight stalking from Donatello, nightmares from the attempt, i think thats it?

Walking down New York City was,,, interesting to say the least. In the daytime, it was mostly okay, but at night that was a totally different thing, especially when it was cold and snowy. You can never be too careful and wary, looking around constantly to make sure you weren't being followed. 

Even though no one was behind you, you could still feel a pair of eyes locked on you. You couldn't find where it was coming from at all, you wrapped your purple scarf around your neck and lower part of your face tighter. Hoping it's just your paranoia and not someone actually following you, you wished your job wasnt so far from your apartment building. You were only a block away from the building, speeding up when you felt the gaze intensify. 

This wasn't the first time you were watched while you were walking home, sometimes when it got to be too much you'd call your roommate or record and talk to yourself. You can absolutely never be careful enough. What was weird about it was that this had been going on for weeks but only started after you had been nearly kidnapped on the way home. 

—--

You didn't have a car or any other transportation so walking was your only way home, you had your pocket knife in your hand but you stupidly had both earbuds in blasting Lady Gaga's song loveGame. You had just needed the song to fix your already bad day, that's when you felt someone tug your shoulder back. It got tugged back hard making you fall backwards and into a random man's chest, your earbuds popping out and going in different directions. 

You started screaming but a hand quickly covered your mouth, preventing you from screaming or biting the assaulter. You stomped your feet, trying to hit something on this man, eventually your squirming helped you out and you hit his foot, hard. He clearly wasn't aware that you weren't going down without a fight, crying and cussing out of pain  he loosened his grip. That gave you the perfect chance to break free from him and bolt, he chased after you only a couple seconds later you didn't hear his footsteps. 

Curiosity got the best of you and you looked behind you, only to see what looked like,,,,, a turtle? The attacker on the ground out cold, the turtle (?) Turned to meet your eyes with their white eyes.

 "Huh? " their eyes widened in surprise that you acknowledged that they were there, you were just surprised a turtle grew this big. Not questioning the fact the turtle knew how to do anything human like. 

This turtle was tall, with a purple bandana wrapped around their face, holding a Bo staff, the end currently pressed to the man's chest. 

You decided that that was enough interesting things for you for the night and made a run for your apartment, not stopping till you were in your kitchen.

—

Even after that encounter, you were oblivious to the fact it was most likely the turtle who saved you that was making sure you got home safe. Being easily distracted was just a part of you, and the best thing to distract you with? The stars, even though you lived in New York City, you got to see the stars every now and again. Not often, so it made this moment of the night sky being lit up so special, forgetting that this was the exact spot you got attacked at. 

Shivering hard brought you back to the current time, Realizing you definitely shouldn't be lingering at night. You could always go onto your fire escape and watch the stars there, setting off again quickening your pace. Your apartment building was right around the corner, seeing the glass doors to the lobby made you feel warmer already. 

Making your way to your room, hangin up your scarf and heavy winter jacket. You made sure your shoes were all nice and neat on the shoe rack, lest your roommate come after you while you're asleep again. 

Finally in your room, you stripped and went to take a hot shower.  Washing away all the dirt and paranoia of the day felt nice, knowing you were safe in your apartment made this shower all the better. Stepping out and drying off, you threw on some warm and soft clothes, it was nice getting out of your job uniform. 

Stepping out onto your fire escape, you sat down and watched the sky for a good thirty minutes. All of sudden you felt it, that same intense gaze that you could never tell if it was dangerous or not. Trying to ignore it in favor of the night sky was hard, looking around you did nothing, you saw absolutely nothing. Mostly other people's fire escapes, the dark windows, that purple clad turtle, the rooftops of other apartment buildings, clothes line- wait? 

Slowly moving your gaze back over to where you saw the turtle, only to see nothing. Great, now you just felt plain crazy, your roommate had ignored your pleas of her believing you on being saved by a purple turtle. Simply saying you were seeing things, there's no mutant turtles around New York City. Sure there were giant rats and crazy scientists, but definitely no giant mutant turtles. 

You felt a shadow loom over you for a quick second, snapping your head to above you, seeing nothing again. 

Thump. 

You shifted your gaze to where you heard the noise, again seeing nothing. You got up, dusting your ass off, you walked up the fire escapes. Hearing thumps as you go, seeing nothing there to go with the noises. realizing that you no longer felt safe outside you made your way down the steps, looking back every time you felt that same stupid gaze. 

As soon as you made your way to your fire escape and into your room, the gazes stopped. Leaving you in your room thinking about how stupid it was to follow the noises. 

—--------

Waking up drenched in sweat was not how you wanted to start your morning, looking over at your clock only to realize it read out 3am and not 6am. "Great, if I go back to sleep now I won't wake up for my alarm" mumbling out to no one in particular, "well, might as well get up."

Staying as quiet as you could, you made yourself some breakfast which included scrambled eggs and potatoes. of course you couldn't start your morning out with no coffee, so you made your cup and had some leftovers to come back to. Deciding to be spontaneous you sat out on your fire escape, which wasn't a good idea with how cold it was but as soon as you got a blanket and a jacket it was fine. 

Finishing your breakfast, you sat there looking at the city already bustling around you, and staring at what little stars you could see. You decided today was going to be your adventurous day, as you bagan your way up the fire escapes to the roof. You had left your dishes, knowing you'd be back for them. You wrapped yourself tightly into your blanket, you had already worn warm pj's to bed but it wasn't enough against the New York winter weather. 

Stopping to step over the lip of the roof onto the stable part, you walked around admiring everything you could see from your spot. Never being able to find time to come up the roof, the view left you in awe. That awe was cut short when you felt that familiar gaze, shooting around to see where it was coming from. You couldn't spot anyone or thing, you gave up and went about your morning night? 

You laid down on the roof, still wrapped tightly in your nice, warm blanket admiring the clear skies for once. Stars were surprisingly bright out, even seeing a shooting star. You shot a quick gaze to your right, seeing a flash of that same green and purple you'd seen weeks ago. 

"Hey!" You didn't know what came over you in order for you to yell out to the person, but you did, and that didn't stop them from running away. You laid back down, as you had gotten up to yell at them, not feeling the gaze on you anymore. You stayed like that for a good hour, making the time 4:30am, you groaned at the time. You still had a while before you were supposed to even be up. 

"why did I have to have that stupid nightmare" you said to an empty roof, not particularly wanting anyone to respond. You'd been having these debilitating night Terrors about when you were almost kidnapped, your hero nowhere to be seen in these dreams. Shamefully you'd tried all those 'sleep hacks' but you usually downed a couple melatonin, hoping it was enough to knock you out. It almost never was. 

You spent a couple more minutes on the roof just thinking about life, getting up to head back down to your apartment and clean up your mess. As you're almost to your apartment you feel the gaze, you look around, again nothing. At this point why do you even try, this person doesn't want to be found, until you look ahead of you to see the green and purple clad,, turtle! So you were right, there are in fact mutants, or at least turtles. 

You stared at each other before they scampered off, leaving you alone once again. 

"Hey!! Hey wait!!" That did shit, if anything that made them run away faster. Sighing, you decided to just head to your apartment and get ready for work. 

—--

Weird things were starting to happen since that night of meeting face to face, things such as having notes (horribly written and unintelligible) left at your window, tiny trinkets, shiny things and sometimes tiny robots appearing on your fire escape. Most of the notes you could decipher after a little bit of studying them, others you just,,, couldn't figure it out. 

The shiny things would be rings or coins, or even sometimes metal shards shaped into a turtle or pizza slice. Regardless of the items that had been appearing at your window, you've yet to see the turtle again since that night. You've felt the gaze, just not the eyes that stare at you. 

You've still yet to figure out why, why this turtle ?  Has taken a liking to you. You've done nothing besides been almost kidnapped, to attract them. You weren't complaining, it was nice to walk home and feel safe. It wasn't every night that you got to slow down and take a minute to look up at the stars.

So, you decided the moment you got a shiny bracelet and warm red beans and rice, you would leave out gifts of your own. You started baking like crazy, leaving out loaves of bread and cookies, finding them gone the next morning and a thank you note in its place. The handwriting on said notes was getting better each time, it left you wondering whether or not the gift giver was practicing.

This went on for months, only getting glimpses here and there of the purple-clad hero, the notes that were left were getting longer becoming more like letters to each other. Every day or so you’d turn on the news to see if the turtle took a spotlight, but nothing came up from the news station. Now, research forums were a different thing, there were hundreds of posts of not only the purple-clad hero but also three other turtle heroes.

At this point, you weren't shocked to see that there were more than your turtle friends, but it did seem that there were only four of them. You thought it was cute that they all had different colors associated with them, even though you knew nothing about them it felt like their colors really matched.

—--------

Like every other night, you sat out on your fire escape waiting to see if you'd catch a glimpse of your hero. It had already been five hours since you first came out here, you had a day off the next day so it wasn't any trouble to spend the night out here. 

You already expected to see nothing, to wake up from a power nap to your gift gone, a pretty note, and a blanket covering you. So it was surprising to wake up from yet another power nap to a turtle sitting across from you, they were just as surprised as you were. 

You sat still in fear of scaring them, a giant smile stretched across your face, making the turtle blush heavily. "So,,,, you're the one who's been keeping me safe?" You had sat up fully, no longer slumped but still making slow movements. 

They looked like they wanted to say something, opening and closing their mouth. "It's okay if you don't want to say anything, but I really appreciate being able to walk in the dark without getting kidnapped again" you held out your hand for them, showing it's okay for them to move closer to you. 

"It's uh,, no problem" they said shuffling closer to you, they weren't making any eye contact but you could tell the blush was still there. "I didn't know what I would uhm, do with myself if I hadn't made an effort to continue to make sure you were safe," finally grasping your hand, you noticed their hands were cold. 

“What’s your name? If you don’t mind me asking,” you had moved closer and fully grasped their hand, but they still look incredibly nervous sitting near you. Staying quiet to let them know to take their time.

“My name is Donatello, Donnie for short.” rubbing the back of their neck, they showed the cutest smile you’ve ever seen. Gasping at how cute Donnie was, the tooth gap included, his smile was absolutely adorable. You gave Donnie a big smile back, taking in his beauty, he looked anywhere but directly at you.

Giving him your name back, you leaned in super close to his face, almost trying to take in every detail. “Your tooth gap is so fucking cute,” saying that made him nervously smile again, showing the aforementioned tooth gap. “Oh Uhm, uh hehe thank you” Donnie stumbled a bit trying to accept the compliment, eventually getting out a ‘thank you,’ gosh, you just met this turtle for real and you already feel yourself falling in love.

A vibration startled the both of you, Donnie groaned as he pulled out what looked like a tiny shell. He started ferociously typing on it, it dawned on you that it was a phone, he paused every now and again while looking at you. You quirked an eyebrow to show your confusion only to get a quick wave of his hand in response. 

“My brothers, are Uhm, well-” he was interrupted by someone calling out his full name, both of you looked up, you noticed that it was the three other turtles that those articles had talked about. They all looked much taller in person, you all of a sudden felt very very small.

“We’ve been looking for you everywhere, Donnie! You didnt even tell us you were going out and now we find you here, with a, a uh-” “A GIRL!” the blue one had started lecturing Donnie only for the orange one to interrupt. Donnie just groaned, putting his head in both of his hands. 

“Why are you guys here,” Donnie really didnt want you to meet his brothers this soon, or at all but here you were, looking scared and nervous. 

“Because we were worried, didnt expect to find you on a date” The red one smirked, purposely teasing Donnie.

“Oh sorry, you must be confused” the blue one had turned to face you, his gaze softening “im Leonardo, this ones Mikey” he wrapped his arm around the orange turtle next to him “and that ones Raph” pointing to the one that was in the red bandana.

“Oh! It’s all very nice to meet you guys,” you waved to them, not knowing what else to do. You turned towards Donnie after hearing him let out a huge sigh, he started to stand up “well, i guess ive got to get going.”

“We should do this again,” he stuck his hand out to help you up, you of course graciously took the help. You noticed his hands were calloused, most likely from fighting if you had to guess, “of course, im out here every night, usually waiting to see if i can get a glance of you” you winked at the end.

Donnie lifted your hand up to give it a kiss, the boys let out a chorus of groans, Donnie softly let go of you. He jumped up to the other rooftop, only turning back to wink at you when his brothers were ahead of him.

In that moment you felt lucky to have met your purple-clad hero.

[alphabetboyluvr]

Ok so I saw that long ass post that anon sent you about the vote thing on Wattpad, and while I don’t agree with some of what they said where they told you what to do (which they shouldn’t have done, they were rude) I do actually agree with them where they said people don’t tend to look at the votes when deciding whether or not to read a story. I actually think the whole vote thing is just something only authors care about, not readers.

As an avid reader on Wattpad, I do give votes just because authors like it- but I don’t actually give a shit about how many votes a story has when I’m looking for my next story to read. I look at the number of views- which I think you’ll find most readers do, even though the view count can be skewed.

Either way, I do think the whole vote thing should be taken off Wattpad as to the majority of readers, they really don’t care about it and it doesn’t give a good representation of how good a story is

I've been thinking about this all a lot ever since the last anon came in. I'll probably avoid answering questions about this topic again, but there does seem to be disconnect between the writer and reader standpoint, so I'll try and explain my thoughts as best I can without waffling for ages lol

my answer is to this ask, but also to the topic in general, and thoughts I've had regarding that last anon.

it's a really difficult topic to discuss because wattpad has an algorithm that is never really explained to writers. i cant say its important because xyz - i can just give you my own experience. ive been on wattpad for 11 years and have seen it through many changes. i used to use the activity tab to find new stories, and i honestly think getting rid of that was detrimental to the user experience tbh.

as it stands, we don't know what the algorithm favours, so we have to do what we can.

and what can we do? we can tag our work, we can acquire reads and votes, and then we can do more laborious things such as entering award books run by other users and engaging with our readers in various ways.

the tag system, and trending stories under those tabs, are really skewed. for instance, I don't think any of my stories have ever made it onto the fanfic tab, nor have I ever ranked highly under tags despite having really engaged readers and metrics which would suggest I would be.

so, unlike what the last anon said, my stories haven't always been 'out there'. word of mouth, and some stroke of luck tiktoks, are what's pushed them more than anything. so in that way, yeah the desire for votes is flawed—but personally I don't think read count is indicative of quality. if we're thinking about it from a marketing standpoint and conversion rates etc, votes a far more indicative of quality and I'd rather be known for quality over quantity.

the last anon also specifically noted the number of reads/follows I have on wattpad, and suggested that I shouldn't care because those numbers are high—which, respectfully I disagree with. if I didn't care in the early days, I wouldn't have pushed myself to make it to where i am. you can't just expect me to switch off that part of my personality. I'm ambitious and I really care about the things I create.

my girliepop oc's tend to have ambitious streaks and personal goals that they work hard for. they take after their mother, in that sense.

i think what confuses me the most is why it irks people, when you boil it down. its a tap on the screen for readers—and having just uploaded an 11k chapter that took hours to write, to edit, to craft, only to then be told its not worth it? i dunno man, it's just mean lol.

you can think these thing by all means, but don't come into my space just to be cruel. sometimes it okay to keep your opinions in your group chats.

the system is flawed, but I don't think you can blame a gal for just trying to work with it in the only way she knows how

[flippythedoodle]

hey can u give some tips for a beginner ambigrammist to refine her ambigrams and make the process easier?

i'll just put what ive learned from others and my own experience (i kinda put a lot so imma put it all under a read more)

1. you need to really know what letters look like

one of the talents an ambigrammist needs is to know the details of what makes a letter a letter, and what strengthens or weakens this reading. for example:

on the right are what i would say are very readable letters, almost instantly recognizable. on the left however are essentially the same letters, but missing the core elements of what makes them them. i recommend looking at fonts if you really want to fully understand, but as long as you know the glyphs, you can ambigram them!

additionally, there are so many other forms to choose from. we're all used to the simple, elementary alphabet we were taught, but there is a vast sea of different forms of letters you can try! things such as style, form, and mutations if done correctly will look cohesive in a design! experiment with cursive, square, fancy, blackletter, capitalization, italicization, the world is possible! for example, here are the many ways to write an r that i've collected:

14!!

14 for the LETTER R ALONE. the modifications may be subtle, but in the world of ambigramming where totally legible ambigrams are far and few between, every possible form counts bc you'll have more options at your disposal to choose from. as you see more ambigrams (and trust me, you probably will), you'll learn more about what's possible with them!

2. get feedback!!

the unique thing about ambigrams is theyre made to be seen by others, to be read and gawked at by onlookers, and so any outside feedback means the world to development. let family members, friends, preferreably people that mostly read normal words, try to read them, if they missed any letters, try and improve it. reiteration and tiny modifications help so much, even the tiniest of changes can help. sometimes we may be tunnel-visioned into thinking our ambigram is legible, because we know the word already, we see what it's supposed to look like. but when you get opinions from others, its almost like getting a new perspective, the ambigrammists equivalent of flipping a canvas. there are also communities dedicated to creating good ambigrams out there! (to name some, Ambigram Aficionados the discord server and ambigr.am the website, both of which are linked if you want :3)

3. know the methods!!

there are two main methods that ambigrammists "officially" recognize, downstroke matching, and shape matching

shape matching

this is the more freeform of the two methods, providing more space to do whatever, and thusly, maybe come up with either cool new stuff or bad new stuff. this matches "shapes" of letters, straight, curvy, half curve, spirally, etc etc. this one takes more experience to master, but if done well works wonderfully. heres an example with "greener"

(hey, look! weird R from earlier!)

downstroke matching

is one of the easier of the two, and most often than not yields the best results. in essence, letters are broken down into their vertical strokes, which are then "cut in half" and aligned to each other. this comes from the notion that people read the top parts of a letter more than its undersides. so, when flipping, all that crazy stuff that used to be on the top is now on the bottom, becoming flourishes and designs. this is kind of a precursor to shape matching, as if pretending all letters are squarish before actually taking into account their shape. an example with the word "Basket" would be:

this of course, has its downfall in curvy letters like b and o, as these have specific curves to follow, which may get lost in how strokes are made straight. i got lucky here with the e curving the same way the B would normally, but this isnt always the case.

the best ambigrammists tend to find a good balance between the two, making sure both form and style are as optimized as possible!

finally,

4. not all ambigrams are possible*.

*as a normal rotational

unfortunately, jojo, hello, uwu, and many more words aren't (currently) possible just because of how theyre built at words. so don't be disappointed if some seem impossible, because (like chloe *wink wink*) they might just be. you can then resort to different types of ambigrams, or different modifications!

here jojo works okay as a lake, uwu works perfectly and naturally as a mirror, and chloe and hello work as chain rotationals! another somewhat crucial element of making an ambigram work is flourishes. these help hide the modifications made to a letter, almost like camouflage, or even to hade a letter itself. here are some examples:

this one uses a curvy flourish for the hoops of the Ps, tiny dots for the i tittle and the Es midline, and a bit more flourishes to hide them like serifs and extra curves

this one turns a C into a drawing of a cockatoo! the flourish being the cockatoo, hiding the otherwise awkward C

this one's rather extreme, S and e being turned into flourishes. these are then surrounded by more flourishes to hide them, which works semi-okayly

thats all i think i know about ambigramming, i hope it was semi-useful!

(find me on ambigr.am at chump, and discord as shin_dig :3)

bonus resources: John Langdon (ambigram god)'s advice: https://www.johnlangdon.net/thoughts/advice-on-ambigrams/

Write Words Make Magic (who's also on here @writewordsmakemagic! makes much more in-depth videos on downstroke matching and ambigrams in general on youtube and tiktok)