#but sometimes comparing fandoms isn't healthy for me

[indestinatus]

it's interesting and downright sad sometimes when your creativity wave doesn't match the interaction wave of the fandom you know you can't and won't leave but still wish the excitement of others matched yours

[endlessburningdarkness]

That "perfect victim" post you reposted has me all fucked up because it makes me think about Shen Jiu, and how his treated.

His a victim of severe trauma, and it manifests in ways that are "imperfect." It always pissess me off when people say, "if only Shen Jiu had tried. " Tried what? Get over his trauma? It's hard to do when A) there is no therapy and you have no real support system. B) The people around you don't give a shit and are hostile. And C) the before mention people make the trauma worse by making you feel unsafe or invalidating you. Try to get along with his martial siblings? He tried, but every time he did, it backfired and made everything worse for himself. He tried to save Liu Qingge's life twice, only to end up getting accused of murder each time. Try to be kinder? He tried with Ning Yingying, only to be accused of grooming her because of one of his coping mechanisms.

It was never about Shen Jiu not wanting to get better but that he couldn't.

What makes it all the more fucked up is how everyone treats Shen Yuan compared to Shen Jiu. SY acts "normal" because he has no trauma, so his liked. The peak lords would rather deal with someone "normal" than a victim and their trauma. Even Yue Qingyuan seems it easier to deal with a Shen Qingqiu who doesn't know him than one that does and actually dealing with the trauma.

And ain't that fucked up.

it is incredibly fucked up.

I love Shen Jiu (and Harry) because they are rare examples of imperfect victims. Because most victims, shockingly, are not perfect. Trauma rarely makes you a better person. In fact, more likely, it will make you angry, difficult, bitter and even cruel.

I find this type of character much more relatable and realistic than "perfect victims" who are sweet and kind and forgiving and let things go and are never ugly, hurtful or vicious in their trauma response. I think it really comes down to the idea that trauma isn't some fun thing you can brush off, you can't be normal after significant trauma. It will leave a mark, it will change you, sometimes permanently, sometimes in ways that are embarrassing and frightening and unattractive. Sometimes, you'll do awful, hurtful things to cope.

And I think that's fine. It's fine for Shen Jiu to be traumatized. In a way that isn't palatable to the reader or to society. It makes sense for him to be the way that he is. After the life he's lived, he is still shockingly kind to a number of people and as you've noted this backfires on him spectacularly. He had no parents. No one to teach him healthy ways of doing anything. He was enslaved, treated like an object, a dog, and then he was betrayed by the one person he thought was on his side. Anyone would be fucked up after that. Anyone would give up trying to be better. And that's fine too.

I think it's hard for people to face that trauma, real trauma that is, isn't this pretty, enticing thing which makes someone cooler, but genuinely painful, damaging, and difficult to overcome. That is what makes Shen Jiu's and Harry's attempts to overcome their trauma so damn impressive and compelling. That Shen Jiu fails is not due to some inherent flaw or weakness on his part but because it's so fucking difficult, even with support, to recover from the awful things that happened to him.

Often traumatized characters are expected to react perfectly, and a lot of fanfic of them is all about hashing out the ways they would overcome their trauma in an ideal way and become "normal", happy, well-adjusted people we can enjoy without feeling bad. For example, character's with sexual trauma magically overcome it by getting fucked by the right person.

And this is exactly why Shen Yuan is easier for the other characters and the fandom to love. He doesn't have Shen Jiu's baggage, he isn't damaged, he doesn't have trust issues or paranoia or jealously or hatred. He doesn't have the trauma. It's easy to be good when you're not hurt and no one has betrayed you. It's easy to be nice when you've never had to beg for every meal. Shen Yuan has everything on easy mode, and that's the appeal of him in many ways. The quicker, easier, smoother route to happiness.

I for one however, prefer the harder road. I am here for when characters don't respond to awful things happening to them in polite, unchallenging, comfortable ways so the audience can enjoy it without flinching.

Because the message I am interested in is that it's okay. It's okay to have trauma, terrible and unwholesome trauma even. it's okay to be broken in ugly, painful ways. It's okay to never become "normal" like other people. It's okay to never do the things that trigger you. It's okay to be traumatized and to act like it! And that's why I love these types of characters.

If you're interested in an exploration of Shen Jiu's sexual trauma, I'd like to recommend my fic, not to me, not if it's you. I would love to hear your thoughts on it.

[snowflakesincalifornia]

I couldn’t reblog the og post bc ig Tumblr’s ruined the code, so this is a copy of it. Please give credit to the og posters.

milf-percy

It dosen't really matter that Percy isn't hurt by Annabeth insulting him all the time and sometimes even being physically violent to him(he should be because that's a realistic response from an abuse and bullying survivor but i digress),not just because he's a fictional character and not a real person with free will,but also because that's Annabeth's way of showing she fucking hates him.Her treatment of him has literally not changed since they were 12 yet nobody in this dumbass fandom can shut up about how ~developed~ their relathionship is cause they make out now and are planning on having a dysfunctional cishet marriage while trashing the characters of color for being 'annoying'.

Percy and Annabeth are not 'made for eachother' because Rick wrote everyone in-universe as telling them that and i'd like to remind y'all that this is the same guy who wrote Luke,an adult serial abuser and ped0phile,as a 'hero' because of the Great Prophecy.Destiny means jack shit and Annabeth and Percy-ESPECIALLY Percy,who's been doomed to trauma over and over again despite his best efforts to escape it-should've been allowed to choose who to love instead of having it shoved down their throats by both everyone in their franchise and the creepy weirdos in the fandom too

@southasianpercy

chaoticcerise

Hi! As someone with ADHD who's been in several abusive relationships before, I figured I'd add something about why it IS actually realistic that he doesn't appear hurt, but that's actually even more alarming. So it starts with meeting them (obviously) and especially if they don't really have any healthy romantic IRL relationships to compare it to (which the books go out of their way to emphasize that this is the case) then it can be really hard to notice when red flags like that start to come up. "Oh it'll get better!" "They're still adjusting to it!" All of which are valid! There's healthy relationships that start rough and there's relationships that start really well and then something happens that doesn't go super well and it turns bad real quick. I've been in a few of both. The problem comes when it still happens after they're asked to stop, which is what happens in Percy Jackson. This can lead to things like "Oh they're just kidding, surely they don't mean it!" "Oh that's just how they flirt/show they love me!" Which, again, is fine IF IT'S WELCOME. However if it's not then eventually it's "Oh they're just like that." "Oh it's fine I guess, it's not like I can stop it." Just because someone doesn't complain doesn't mean that they're consenting. It means they're resigned to the abuse. And that means that he's internalizing and normalizing it. "We don't hear any real negativity towards Annabeth in Percy's thoughts though!!!" Well no but we don't hear any love either. We don't ever hear any thoughts about her really ever. Nothing about how pretty she is or how cool she is or anything. Percy Jackson has thoughts about EVERYONE. As someone with ADHD, this level of no thoughts is concerning and no basis for a relationship. He deserves someone who will treat him well. She deserves someone who thinks about her fondly. Both of them deserve better but they both need to undergo some character development and serious therapy first.

[mistressoftherant-blog]

Hypocrisy in the TMNT Fandom

I may come back to this topic at a later date, but I feel like I need to address the hypocrisy in the TMNT fandom when it comes to how 12 Donnie is treated for his crush on April, compared to other characters such as Bayverse Mikey and Mutant Mayhem Leo, or I might explode. Do I condone everything that 12 Donnie does in the name of his crush on April? No. Do I sometimes find the cringiness of his actions unbearable (keeping in mind that he is my favourite character in 12)? Absolutely. But is there context behind his actions that often gets ignored? Yes. Do the fandom vilify or make fun of behaviour from him that they let slide in other characters? 100% yes.

People love to bash 12 Donnie for his actions, without even considering the reasons behind them (poor choices from the show writers aside). April is the first human his age that Donnie really sees and gets to interact with. He's a deeply insecure character, who feels out of place even amongst his family and, as people have pointed out before me, April represents a wider level of acceptance to Donnie. If a pretty human girl can love him, maybe there is hope for him gaining wider acceptance from humanity. I do think he has genuine feelings for her, but I also believe that part of his obsessiveness is a desire to be more human, or at least be accepted by humans, and he subconsciously views gaining the love of a human to be a part of this. 12 Donnie (like most Donatellos), is keenly aware that he will never get what he wants, or deserves.

He is a genius, and that will never be acknowledged by the world. He will never get everything a human genius would get. He doesn't get go to school, or go shopping for new resources, or make friends who share his interests. He risks his life saving the world over and over again, only to be seen as a villain for the way he looks.

That's part of why he sees 12 Casey as such a threat, Casey is human and doesn't need the same level of acceptance that Donatello does. He already has everything that Donnie wants (he can go to school, make other friends etc), but yet he still wants to be with April. The first human to show Donnie any acceptance. One of the only people to even tentatively seem interested in Donnie's science. If April chooses Casey over Donnie, then that truly does mean that Donnie, as a mutant, and a nerdy outcast mutant to boot, can never find love or acceptance, (again, this would be Donnie's perspective, and it is not April's duty to validate Donnie's self worth by getting in a relationship with him - that being said, the mixed signals she sent definitely didn't help matters).

Also, his stalking is creepy, but this is a kid who grew up with no social interaction besides his brothers, watching shows that provably had dubious ideas of romance. All of his ideas of romance are influenced by media, which isn't exactly a healthy way to gain an understanding of how to express those feelings. And when he knows the exact distance to her apartment, I always thought that he was just insanely good at estimating distances? He's shown to be able to make advanced calculations around distances and things in seconds on the show, so this never really seemed that bad to me, even if the show itself deemed it creepy?

Moreover, for the most part, he does genuinely follow April when he believes she is in danger, or when she is distancing herself from them (again, absolutely not a healthy thought process, but he misses her and wants her safe, and thinks is the best way to handle it). Is it still wrong? Yes. But should Donnie as a character be completely dragged for this for eternity? Not really. Also, can we please move past reducing Donnie's character to nothing more than his failures at flirting?

There is also the fact that April definitely did flirt back with him on numerous occasions. Whether or not this was done consciously, or to manipulate him, or whatever, is a rant for another day, but 12 Donnie definitely does have reasons to believe that April could want a relationship with him. She kisses him, on the mouth, right after he had told her that he was going to stop with his behaviour.

People also genuinely forgive 12 Leo flirting with his sister more than they do Donnie calling April his sweet chinchilla (and yes, Leo and Karai are still flirty even after the reveal that they are siblings, though it is thankfully toned down later on, and though I've seen people jumping through hoops trying to deny it). And Leo's flirting with Karai (even before the reveal), is equally as cringy as Donnie's. He's the poster boy for the 'I can fix them' mentality, even when the person he was trying to fix was actively trying to destroy everyone he cared about. 12 Leo also puts his brothers in danger due to his obsession with Karai, hurting them both physically and mentally, but a lot of people sweep this under the rug and only focus on times that 12 Donnie puts the others in danger due to his crush on April, or see this as a positive thing, showing how Leo never gives up on the people he cares about.

Moving on, 12 Donnie can be possessive of April (again, not great behaviour, and not something I particularly enjoy or condone), but 12 Mikey is the same way about Renet, and no one mentions it? Donnie hugs her (or says he could hug her, I can't quite remember the exact context), and Mikey gets all pissy about it? He's known Renet for barely any length of time, and they have no relationship at this point, but he gets annoyed at Donnie having a friendly interaction with her, as if it hasnt been well established that Donnie is only interested in April? Why is this more acceptable than when Donnie gets annoyed at Casey (a confirmed love rival), shows off about being close to April?

Additionally, why are Bayverse Mikey and Mayhem Leo hardly ever given the same treatment as 12 Donnie? I see countless crossovers where 12 Donnie is given endless shit for his bad flirting, especially as it's towards someone who the other counterparts see as a sister figure, with hardly any of them ignoring how unfair it is to criticise 12 Dee for seeing April differently to the others when their circumstances are different, or bringing up anyone else's behaviour.

Bayverse Mikey is just as bad! In fact, some of the things that he says are far worse than anything 12 Donnie has said, and it just gets brushed over? Even in crossover fics where 12 Dee gets slaughtered for his crush, no one brings up the downright crude things Bay Mikey says?

He constantly calls her a babe (I think 90s Mikey also makes similar comments), and even says 'she's so hot I can feel my shell tightening' which is hella gross tbh. Sure, 'sweet chinchilla' is weird, but it's far less demeaning than babe? And Mikey keeps this attitude up throughout both films? Why is this treated as being more acceptable than 12 Donnie's behaviour? This is even worse as Bay April is clearly an adult compared to the teenage turtles, and is clearly depicted as an older sister figure. At least in 12 there is only a year age gap, and neither April nor her father had anything to do with them when they were babies.

Hell, a few chaarcters (I think 03 Mikey and either 90s Raph or Mikey) make a joke about getting to 'keep her' when they bring an unconscious April back to the lair, and no one bats an eye?? It's played off as a joke, but even so, it's still freaky, and I've never seen anyone mention it before. They don't even get admonished for it!

Also, Mayhem Leo is absolutely just as much of a cringefail flirt as 12 Don, but everyone is acting like he comes across as so much better?! We've only had one movie with him so far, but his behaviour so far isn't all that different to 12 Don's?

They basically act the same way upon their first meeting. The rooftop scene when he first sees her is almost exactly the same as the scene in 12. And the comment about her beautiful, perfect mouth? If 12 Donnie said that he'd be slaughtered, but because it was Mayhem Leo, it's considered cute? When 12 Donnie gets super excited about getting April's number even though they already have it on the fridge it's embarrassing, but when Mayhem Leo tries to get Mayhem Donnie's phone to swipe her number it's endearing? Both ramble and get nervous around her, but people think this is sweet from Mayhem Leo but annoying from 12 Don.

Plus, Mayhem Leo has far more experience with humans than 12 Donnie. He has been going outside of the lair for a while, he has definitely seen other girls before. In 12, Donnie had never left the lair before the night he saw April, she's genuinely the first girl he's ever seen in person.

This point may also be a little unfair as we only have the Mayhem movie at the moment, compared to entire seasons of the 12 TV show, but it's also irritating me a bit how many people are acting like Mayhem Leo has far more of a chance with April than 12 Donnie did, purely because she agreed to go to prom with him, ignoring her line about how it was just as friends, and the many instances in 12 where April reciprocated Donnie's flirtation (again, April kissed him on the lips in the cartoon. It is canon that she did so).

Why are there so many double standards around the turtles having crushes? Either address all of their behaviour, or stop throwing 12 Donnie's flirting in our faces. It's exhausting seeing people openly bashing 12 Donnie, ignoring all of his great characteristics due to his crush, and then turning around and glorifying 12 Leo, Bay Mikey, or Mayhem Leo, or just ignoring their behaviour. It's grating to see almost every chat fic (even ones I thoroughly enjoy!!), have a seemingly obligatory bash 12 Donnie's crush and flirting chapter, yet hardly ever address the way any of the others behave.

[buckybarnesss]

It is still so wild to me how many people go to bat for Noah Stilinski. He's flawed. He's not perfect. He's a single dad, yeah, but he still left his son alone in the hospital with his dying wife, who attacked Stiles at least once before.

He's an alcoholic! He thought Stiles was a serial killer. But these flaws just don't register with people.

i know we've talked about noah stilinski and the fanon sanctification of him before. it's always interesting to watch the evolution of how fandom perceives characters compared to how they actually are. it's also an interesting how this is something of a dichotomy with claudia in canon.

the sheriff is a flawed man and father which what i like about him.

he tries his best but sometimes what his best is isn't good enough and i think it's important to recognize that. sometimes it happens like that.

stiles and the sheriff are shown to already have a gulf between them before the supernatural comes into their lives. they don't communicate or talk to each other properly

we know stiles is left alone for long stretches of time, he was alone with claudia when she died at eight years old. stiles also is incredibly anxious not just about his father's health but about his friends which only gets worse as things get more and more dangerous and the emotional enmeshment he has with his father isn't healthy at all. all of which stem from his mother's death.

stiles acts like an adult and more of an equal partner than a child which when this comes to head in season 5 you can tell it crushes and horrifies the sheriff to realize but there they are.

their emotional arc hits so hard and resonates with people because it felt the most real. it's no coincidence that for stiles to be brought back to his reality in season 6a his father has to finally acknowledge the things they don't speak about and see stiles for who he is and what he means to his life. it's really relatable to a lot of people. a parent seeing their child for who they are and a child going through the transition to adulthood especially when stiles has the arc about being afraid of the changes that are coming with becoming older, graduating and change.

i also like how much a fucking hypocrite busy body it all makes rafael mccall. like, sure the sheriff isn't perfect but rafael mccall shouldn't be looking down his nose at him from his high horse.

[stanlunter]

hi i'm the anon who asked you a couple things the other day (you may be able to figure out who i am after reading and that's okay). i guess i just didn't see the posts you were referring to in both cases despite spending a while scrolling through your blog and just reading.

for some clarification about the wlw question, i didn't care about canon or fanon, i was just curious about how your opinions work since i personally do like many of the ships you don't, as well as some we mutually share, and i'm the type of person who wants to learn about differing viewpoints to understand them better despite that.

i'm also wondering how you like scorptra if you're a catradora anti since catra has been verbally abusive to scorpia at the very least, though i'm aware that's arguably better than her treatment of adora but still not healthy until the very end of the last episode.

i hope it's understood that my intention was not to challenge you as a gotcha but simply just to know you a bit better. i may have stopped feeling comfortable being mutuals with you (or just following? i don't remember tbh) for various reasons related to fandom but i still respect you as a person and your opinions so sometimes i come back.

also big W on harlivy and korrasami btw, i love our bi4bi queens

lastly i agree with you 100% on the lunter tiktok video, i love voidpitws' edits very much so i still follow on instagram but i don't support the superiority complex all the canon sibling truthers have when they're wrong 🤷

Hi!

Yeah, that's fine, I understand that a lot of people can have different opinions with me, since a lot of mine are controversional, even if you agree with some

I would love to answer your question about Scorptra and Catradora tho

First of all, catradora being abusive isn't even the only reason why I hate this ship. I talked about it before so I don't wanna fully describe everything again, I will just call them: it ruined s5 and both of Adora and Catra's arcs and that's basically a canon incest, since they werent even just portrayed as adoptive sisters, but even the whole crew, including Nate, have admitted it multipe times. You can try to find some posts about it in anti tags, there is actually a lot of information, if you're actually interested

Now, about abusiveness and Scorptra. Tbh, I really don't understand how can people even compare these two, when these ships are so different, but anyways. I will talk about Scorptra s1-3 and s4 separately, since the whole portal arc has changed so many things

Let's see. Why I consider Catradora as an extremely abusive relationship?

Let's compare Catradora to s1-3 Scorptra

Catra hates Adora and tried to make her suffer as much as possible. Every time she saw Adora, she did everything to hurt her either physically, or mentally, by making her self-hatred stronger than it ever was and used every opportunity to do this. And no, It never was "bc they were at the war". Catra did it bc she just personally hated Adora and wanted to make her feel pain, no one made Catra do this, it was always her personal desire. And even when they were kids, she was the same. And the reason why It's rather "abuser x victim", than "enemies" is bc Adora never treated Catra the same. If in case with Glimmer, It's at least mutual, than with Adora it never was. Catra was always the one who tried to find a fight with Adora. Adora never tried to hurt Catra and never tried to offend her. All she was doing was self-defense. And claiming self-defense as smth even near to abuse, is just horribly and a victim-blaming. Also you can see, every time Adora "hurt" Catra (even tho it was never Adora's fault and was always on Catra's victim complex) she immidiatly tried to apologize and to fix it, just bc she cared about Catra's feelings, even tho it was never her fault and responsibility

What about Scorptra? Well, Catra just never tried to make Scorpia hate herself and feel awful and didn't tried to physically hurt her. We can say Catra did say smth offensive to Scorpia, but it was never bc she wanted to hurt her, but rather bc Catra didn't care about Scorpia yet and Scorpia's love to Catra was confusing to Catra, she didn't even understand that Scorpia loves her, for her Scorpia was just weird and kinda annoying, especially bc for Catra It had to take a lot of time to love someone, so after s2 (White out episode) when she realized that Scorpia actually cares about her and isn't just being annoying, she accepts Scorpia and starts caring about her back. And after that episode she stops thinking about Scorpia as about just someone weird and starts thinking about her as a friend who cares about her like Adora did once

So, after that Catra starts developing her trust and careness to Scorpia. She desides to be honest with Scorpia and lets her in, by letting Scorpia help her. And then, when she realized that Scorpia isn't even "just" care about her, but also is ready to sacrafice everything she had to save Catra, Catra does the same to Scorpia and puts Scorpia's life before her own. And that's her most selfless action, which, Imo is much more selfless than Catra ever was in s1 or s5 with Adora. Bc, if Catra never thought Adora actually cares about her and thought Adora cares about SW and her role much more, with Scorpia it was the first time she saw someone who cares about her more, than about anything else. And when she realizes it, she desides to do the same for Scorpia, bc she values it so much.

And then they spend the happiest day in their life in a Crimson waste, being mutually respectful to each other and mutually loving being around each other

So I genuinely don't understand how can people say Scorpia was abusive there just bc it was a slow-burn for Catra, bc she has the clearest attachment-issues and couldn't believe someone can actually love her due to her life experience. But I think that's what makes their relationship with Scorpia only more important, bc Scorpia managed to "deserve" Catra's trust, love, respect and careness, even tho Catra was actually such a selfish person who is afraid of being used and left and didn't believe anyone can actually care about her. Scorpia was the first person who has shown Catra that she doesn't have to deserve love to be loved (like it was with SW) . And that she's not alone and that there are people who care about her and are not gonna leave her. For who Catra isn't just an "another friend" to use and leave, who doesn't worth staying for (like from her perspective she was for Adora. Which, again, I obviously don't blame Adora for, she didn't have to care only about Catra, It's just what Catra thought about Adora). Even if we compare Adora and Scorpia's leaving:

Adora left the Horde despite Catra, Scorpia left the Horde because of Catra

Adora showed Catra that she doesn't worth staying in the Horde. And Scorpia showed Catra that the only thing that could make her leave the Horde is Catra

Also, every time Adora tried to help Catra or just did something well, Catra was jealous and envy, bc she saw Adora as a competitor, which isn't healthy, especially considering the fact that Adora never saw Catra the same way. And when Scorpia helps Catra and does her job well, Catra sees, respects and thanks her. That's why her in s4 saying Scorpia she's useless was a straight up lie

Here we go to another thing: Catra always saw Adora as her enemy or a rival, not just as a friend. Which created a super unhealthy dynamic between them. Catra was always the envy friend to Adora, who can't be happy for her and always finds a way do downplay her achievements like we've seen in ep1. Catra was not only envy of Adora's achievements and respect, but also of Shadow Weaver's love. Which was a sibling jealous of a mother or a mother figure, their whole "Golden child" and "Scapegoat child" dynamic with an abusive mother figure

And so Catra's envyness lead to hateness and the hateness lead to unhealthy obsessesion Catra had

She made her whole life and whole goal to make Adora "lose", bc she couldn't handle Adora winning her. She was ready to destroy the whole world just bc of it which isn't healthy in any way. And if you're gonna call Scorpia "obsessed" with Catra, remember that Scorpia was the one who was against activating the portal bc of the risks and tried to make Catra change her mind even despite loving her, while Catra still did it bc of her obsessesion with Adora. Catra was litterally addicted and I do not think giving an addict their addition in the end as a praise is healthy. Catra should have been learnt to let her obsessesion go, to get a life, to find other reasons and goals to live, besides hunting Adora. It could be anything. But giving her just what she was so obsessed with is the worst idea Nate could possible choose

And what about Adora?

Even tho Catra was her best friend, Adora never cared about her as much in the first place. Basically, unlike Catra, Adora always had her own life that wasn't only about her love interest. If the only thing Catra had in the Horde was Adora, Adora did have a lot of things besides Catra: she had Lonnie, Kyle and Rogelio, she had SW's admiration, she had the Horde's respect and she had her own goals. Catra was in her life too, but she was never the first for Adora. Which is absolutely okay. What is not okay is Catra's life, since she decided to dadicate it to Adora and when Adora left, she became lonely. I can't blame her for that, but Catra's life is Catra's responsility and making it only about one person is just stupid and never ends well. So, that's true that Adora never wanted Catra as much as Catra wanted her. Tbh, Adora never even recalled Catra in a good way after s1, so, as someone who was never a catradora shipper, before s5 I had no idea and no thoughts that Adora actually cares about Catra, not even to mention that she "loves" her and this ship never made sense to me bc it. It was always so one-sided. And the way Catradora shippers are trying to call Scorptra one-sided, makes me think they just skipped the whole s3.

So , for Adora Catra was always just an ex friend who for some reason (since Adora didn't understand it) decided to hate and fight her, just bc for some reason she didn't want to go with her. Catra's behavior never made sense to Adora and that's also strange to me that they didn't want to mention it in s5.

And the worst thing is not even that for Adora Catra was always just an "ex friend", but that she also was a cruel enemy, who made Adora go throught so much trauma, made her hate herself and think that she should die and that her life has no worth, that she only makes things worse and doesn't deserve anything good, while in reality Adora is the most selfless and kind person out of the whole show. Catra tortured Adora, killed a mother of her best friend, terrorized the planed and took away homes and lives of so many innocent people. Adora didn't just despise Catra, but she hated her for everything she has done and s5 has completely erased that fact. And it wasn't the "love-hate" type of hate, It's a hateness people have to terrorists, murderouses and war criminals that take away people's lives and make the life horrible. And that's ridicilous how so many fans really think that's just bc it wasn't directly shown in a kid show means It's not true, while It's very much is and was so heavily implied. Like they think a "war" is when two lesbians are arguing, not when people are losing their homes and families and die. And Adora, as someone who can't stand cruelty and injustice, has litterally left the Horde to protect those people. Making Adora suddenly "love" someone who has done all these things makes no sense and was so stupid and horrible.

Especially considering the fact that her whole arc in s3 was about learning that she's not responsible for Catra's actions, that Catra decided to live like this herself and that Adora doesn't have to baby sit Catra and what SW did to Catra wasn't on Adora either and that she didn't have to be responsible for it. Adora did a right chose to leave an abusive environment and she actually did ask Catra to go with her many times. Yet what do we see in s5? Catra is a victim of everyone. Catra opening the portal and abusing every is now SW's responsibility and not Catra's one, Adora is also blamed for leaving Catra and not for chosing to love some days with Catra over saving the whole world and Adora has to baby sit Catra every fucking minute

It has completely destroyed everything that had been building for 4 seasons and that's terrible not only just for Adora, or even Catra, but for the whole ending and finale season.

So now about Scorptra in s4

While I do agree that their relationship obviously wasn't healthy there and Catra treated Scorpia and everyone around really bad, I don't think their relationship can be called abusive bc of that like catradora during their whole relationship.

First of all, when we talk about characters relationship, we should consider all of their relationship during the whole show in general, not just take out of the context one arc and run with it. If catradora was toxic and abusive on every single stage (when they were kids in the Horde, when they were enemies and when they became friends - couple), Scorptra, like I've already described it, wasn't. They mutually cared about each other and Catra didn't treat Scorpia horribly. S1-s3 was the default of their relationship and s4 wasn't what Scorpia and Catra's relationship is normally, it was what they turned into due to the stress and the whole shit that has happened in the finale of s3. Which doesn't justify Catra ofc, but it does show that Catra actually cares about Scorpia and what was in s4 was rather an exception, than what their relationship actually is. During it, Catra hated herself for what she did, she became like a "full" villain, she was angry on herself and on everyone else and focused on her goal to destroy the rebelion and started ignoring everything else that was and still is important to her, like Scorpia. So, after such a huge action, that has changed the war so much, that Catra had more things to care about than ever. What Im saying is that Catra's anger in s4 wasn't aimed at Scorpia. Scorpia just happened to be a scapegoat of Catra's stress and guilt. While with Adora, Catra did aim her anger exactly at her. And in this case the whole "they were at war" excuse fits much better, since Catra's anger at Scorpia was caused by the stress at the war and the portal, while dor Adora it was just a pure haterd. So, does it make it okay? Absolutely not, it still was unhealthy. But does it change everything and make Catra's relationship with Scorpia and Adora incomparable? Absolutely yes.

And what confirmes this fact is Catra's reaction there:

First of all, Catra didn't realize how much her words hurt Scorpia. Like I said before, Catra didn't mean to hurt her in the first place, she just wanted to be left alone and to put her anger on someone. And when Scorpia says Catra is a bad friend, she immidiatly realizes it and feels bad about hurting Scorpia, feels guilt. Something she never felt while hurting Adora. When she was hurting Adora, she was enjoying it and didn't think there was her fault, she put it on Adora. However with Scorpia, just when Catra realizes she hurt Scorpia, she immidiatly gets that It was her fault and that Scorpia didn't deserve it. And as we see later, Catra immidiatly stopped acting like this towards Scorpia and started treating her better (for example, sharing her thoughts and feelings with her, as a friend), the only problem is that it was too late.

When Hordak asked Catra where was Entrapta's recording, Catra lied to him, saying she didn't find it, bc she knew if Hordak found out Scorpia has damaged it, she would get in troubles.

So she takes Hordak's aggression on herself, instead of letting him hurt Scorpia. Just like she did in the prison scene, when she didn't let Scorpia help her get out bc Scorpia would have troubles bc of that. This shows us how much Catra actually cares about Scorpia, even when she is in the wrong and acts toxic.

And the saddest thing is that they actually could be together, happy and in healthy relationship, if only the creators decided to let Catra let go her obsessesion with Adora, for example, in the Crimson waste. I really love the idea of them staying there in s3, instead of returning to the Horde. It seems like it would be much better for everyone. Or at least, if s5 was written better and Catra actually had at least some screen time with Scorpia, they also could leave others and return to the Crimson waste as they wanted to.

So, It's not like I look at Catra yelling at Scorpia in s4 and think "ohh, that's so cute, they should kiss now", It's that their whole relationship was beautiful, complex and dramatic. Bc Catra could be happy with Scorpia, but her obsessesion was stronger and it ruined everything. I'll dare to call it "doomed yuri", bc of how tragic Catra's issues made it

Well, I think that's all, hope I did answer your questions

[ashilrak]

ahhhh i've been trying to subscribe to that idea of posting despite it not being "perfect" and for the most part i'm happy with it and totally recommend. but sometimes i get such intrusive thoughts when i read other fics and they're so good and i think about mine and i know i shouldn't compare, it takes time and work and it doesn't mean people don't enjoy my fics etc etc but there's a shame that creeps in that makes me want to hide and delete them sometimes. 😅

oh and i also have adhd so i get so many ideas but i keep bouncing between them. sometimes they're for multi-chapter fics but i disappear in-between bc my brain decided to jump into a different fandom for x amount of time before bouncing back. i know i write for myself and all but i still feel guilty and ashamed when i leave people who clearly enjoy the story for months before updating. have you ever experienced this? how do you deal with it?

Hi! I've experienced all of this. At some points, it's been the sort of thing that has torn me up and at others it's been negligible.

For me, it comes back to writing for myself. It's very easy to get caught up with wanting to do something for the readers, especially when I know how haunted I personally am by fics that I've adored reading that remain unfinished. There are some unfinished fics I have that I've tried to come back to when I've returned to fandoms and it'd take re-outlining to get back into it, and at that point I'd rather start over.

The key to accepting this is accepting the nature of fanfiction. Every creative has started an idea and just not had it take flight — maybe it's not the right time, maybe it's not quite a full idea, or maybe they realize it's not one they care to do anything with. If you try an idea for a novel and it doesn't go anywhere, no one will ever know. If you try an idea for a fanfiction, you probably posted those first couple chapters online.

I have friends of mine who have gotten 80% into writing a novel and couldn't decide on an ending so abandoned it for another project. This is the sort of thing that happens all the time, it's just that with fanfic you're usually sharing the rough draft as you go.

Discipline does play a factor in finishing fic, of course, but I think there's a line between having the discipline to keep writing a story you're passionate about when motivation is lacking and continuing to force an idea that just isn't taking shape (for whatever reason).

The only way you're going to ever avoid this entirely is if you write a fic beginning to end before you ever start posting. That's not the most fanfic writers' experience, and that's okay! But it means writers and readers risk fics that will never be finished (for any number of reasons). This is why there are a good number of readers out there who only read completed fics.

Fanfic is a hobby, and I don't think it's healthy to tear yourself to shreds or force yourself through something you hate for something that's supposed to be relaxing and fun. Parts of it can be stressful — I've run several gift exchanges and loved doing it, but that doesn't mean there weren't points I was tearing my hair out over defaults and unresponsive participants — but ultimately, it's supposed to be something that brings you joy.

Long fics are an undertaking, and sometimes writing is the last thing you want to do, but the project as a whole is satisfying. I do think there's a lot of value in long-term projects, when the day-to-day can sometimes suck but you know you're working toward a goal. Achieving that goal is huge, but it's also hard, and it isn't the only goal someone could have with writing fic.

If that is a goal you have, there are ways to work toward achieving it. But, how to do that (especially in the face of ADHD) is an entirely different conversation.

And to address the point of comparisons, I don't think it's something that will ever go away. It's to be human, I think. But I have two favorite ways of dealing with that. The first is to separate myself as a reader and a writer. I write because I enjoy it and I read because I enjoy it. If I am reading something that is absolutely amazing, sure I'd love to one day be able to produce that, but more importantly in that moment, I'm really enjoying reading it. The second way is to try to learn from the writing I love. I'll take a step back and ask myself what about it do I love and how are they achieving that? How can I learn from that and bring it into my own work? For me, these are two separate actions. I could read the same work twice through these different lenses and have entirely different experiences.

Ultimately, fandom is for fun and that's the most important thing 🩷

[joelscruff]

I honest to god feel dumb asf asking this but your page feels like a safe space so here goes... do u ever feel like you're addicted to fanfic (in a negative way)?! these days all I wanna do is read fanfic/smut and it's impacting my actual day to day life. the dopamine hits be spiking when I find a good fic then crashing when it's over. I'm in an amazing relationship but find myself comparing it to the world of fanfic - the fictionalised sex, perfect male characters, alternative universes... 1/2

2/2 I guess my question to you (and anyone else out there who's experienced this before) is how to consume fandom/fanfic in a healthy way without being in a heightened state of arousal searching for the next hit all the time... sometimes it really does make me sad that all this longing for one man and his FICTIONAL characters is completely parasocial and only ever will be just that. IS IT JUST ME am I a special breed of pathetically unhinged or can others relate?!

i think we all (or at least most of us) have been there! like anything i think when we find a hobby/interest that we really like we can often hyperfixate and become obsessed for a period of time. i wouldn't worry too much!!! if you legitimately do feel that it's messing up your life/relationships then maybe figuring out why that could be is a good starting point. if you're unhappy with certain things in your life it's normal to want to escape those things through other means. fanfic is a pretty harmless medium compared to other things you could be turning to so i think that's a positive!!

escapism is totally normal, we all do it. it's important to remember that we can't escape forever and we all eventually have to face the reality of our lives, but taking some time for yourself to escape through fic isn't a bad thing. i personally read fic almost every day and i don't think that's negative or unhealthy, to me it's no different than reading a book/essay/poetry collection etc etc, it's just a form of literature. comparing your own life to literature is also a totally normal thing, but at the same time if all you find yourself doing when you're reading is comparing things to your own life, there might be an underlying issue there. maybe talk to your partner about it or someone you trust if you're really starting to worry!

at the end of the day there's no shame in reading fic/being turned on by fic/getting off to fic/ etc etc!! i personally don't think there's anything wrong with consuming it often, it's just like any other hobby. but if you're genuinely worried that the quality of your life is suffering because of it then it might be a good idea to talk to someone 💕

[aerospectrum]

@wexarethewalkingxdead asked: 1: How are you today? 8: How would you describe yourself to a stranger? 13: When did you start roleplaying? 14: What are your favorite subjects/genres to roleplay? 15: What fandoms are you in? 17: How many muses do you currently have? 22: What do you think are your roleplaying strengths and weaknesses? 23: Is roleplaying more of a job or a hobby to you? 27: Name something that’s a favorite of yours? 28: Any advice for other roleplayers? NOSY MEEEEMES :: OPEN

i feel like I ramble so badly so i put all the answers under a readmore to save your dash sanities lol.

1] I am surviiivin', but i'm chill. I have crazy insomnia so I haven't been able to sleep much and I am so behind on asks and drafts and everything else... aaaah maybe I'm stressed lol. but chill stressed lol.

8] hmm, I guess maybe to a stranger i'd describe me as timid or shy or quiet. Odd looking in a way that isn't unique? Mismatched and in need of a haircut as well

13] hmm, I think officially in 09 or maybe 2010?

14] I love angst/comfort I also really love enemies to lovers those are so fulfilling especially when they don't realize they've fallen for one another just yet and then something happens to one of them and it's just "oh ... i'm in love aren't i?

15] I'm in so many fandoms at this point, oh gosh. Supernatural, the Boys, Marvel, hmmm, Walking Dead, Lucifer, , Stardew, Owl House, Destiel lmao, Yellowstone, Jurassic Park, honestly if it snags my interest i just jump in headfirst.

17] oh dang, I'm not sure, I think 12-15 as of now, but some never get out there but I still love them very much!

22] i think a strength of mine is I'm very willing to learn new fandoms and the lore to place my muses into them in a way that fits. I also think I'm fairly accepting of all muses be them canon or originals- I always try to put in the effort to make sure everyone feels seen and heard! I think my biggest weakness is that I love to start so many threads all at once then I get overwhelmed and kinda become a hermit. I forget to focus on just a few at a time and then I get panicky lol. But it's fine, i love having a million different threads with everyone because it's fun and cute!

23] i like to keep rp as a hobby, though it could definitely be a cool job!

27] a favorite thing for me is making meals for others. I went through a lot of food scarcity when I was younger and i think that's something that lowkey traumatized me, so to be able to make a meal for someone i love- or even someone i don't know makes me feel like I'm undoing that particular trauma in myself by providing for others in a way that's easy for me to show love???

28] my advice would be, try really hard to not take yourself too seriously, enjoy the goofy moods and remember that this is supposed to be fun! it's easier said than done but you'll lose the fun when you start comparing yourself to others. It's quality not quantity and sometimes people are gonna be better than you and that is completely ok- it doesn't negate your worth or abilities as a writer or a person. even though it's really scary and some of us are shy or struggle with anxiety- try and message people you enjoy writing with and create meaningful healthy ooc relationships, you're not annoying one another. we're all searching for community and belonging so if you reach out to someone and they turn out to be a huge dillweed, don't sweat it, there's so many other super kind people here to talk and chill with- try not to let the mean ol' hoes ruin your time here, lol.

[destinyc1020]

So I think you need to lessen so much attention on Box office and whether or not that makes you an A-lister. It's when you're a household name that makes you an A-lister...whether every film you do is a "hit" or not imo. I think having your films do well at the box office are GREAT, and that def factors into it, but also so do award wins and nominations (don't discredit them also! It gives you exposure to more people knowing your name as well). But you don't ALWAYS have to have films doing tons of money at the box office in order to be seen as an "A-lister". Not everyone flocks to all of Tom Cruise's movies, or even Denzel's movies. Sometimes it's just the movie!

I agree that even though BO films are great doing films for awards and nominations but can we be honest? I remember a while ago some Tom fans asking on your blog about their frustration with his career and worrying about his choices and no offence you kinds dismissed him due to him being successful financially over being in award nominated films? I understand cause sometimes those Tom doom asks can be exhausting, but I genuinely feel like his career on screen outside SM has been a bad for someone in his fame. We joke about the JE team going night and day for him, but altlwast he has a team that does that cause Tom's team could care less about his rep. Some might say Tom doesn't need to be on that THR list or respect in his industry, but I'm sorry, who wants to work in tbeor jon where ppl don't respect you? Tom came up at the same time as Timothee, and the trajectory of his career was sad for someone who was recognised on stage and in a disaster film.

As a fan selfishly, I'm not satisfied with Spiderman. I didn't trust the MCU and how they deal with characters, and I just can predict people moving away from those ip movies to make space for midbudget films. Look at the career of Glen Powell. Ppl want characters that are grounded, not detached superheros. With those other actors mentioned, you can compare them to their predecessors, Leo, Julia,Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Russell Crowe for JE lol, there's a healthy comparison. With Tom, I can compare him to anyone cause no actor would depend on one organisation like he has. Yh Andrew did Spiderman, but he was already oscar nominated.

Tom's career only works for him cause if he had been anyone else, he would have been shelved due to flops and poor reception from critics. I just dont see the interest on him anymore, and ppl may thinknim dramatic but ppl didn't think DC or MCU would flop, and yet it did. No one could anticipate Barbie/Oppenheimer's success, and here we are.

I'm sorry if my ask was negative or if you felt I was judging you but sometimes I just feel ppl aren't honest abut his career cause they just like him a bf when his peers are doing more than him with less backing. Drew Starkey was the kid he beat up in TDATT, and yet he's the muse of Luca Guadagnino's next film and a Loewe ambassador. What's Tom doing? A sequel to a prequel and another SM film that doesn't even have a director? It's a shame.

Oh boy.... 🤦🏾‍♀️

I feel like this "debate" about movie stars (who's one/who isn't one) is garnering a lot of back and forth arguments and craziness for no good reason. These articles are just sharing who they are keeping their eyes on, and who has potential to be one of the "greats" in the future of they keep playing their cards right.

In the meantime however, can't we just appreciate actors for their craft and enjoy watching their rise to fame and seeing their filmography develop? Shouldn't we be HAPPY if some newer actors are in conversation of being potential A-listers or great "movie stars"? Why are we fighting against this and turning this into some kind of competition among fandoms? 🥴

This isn't directed to you personally Anon, but just based on what I've been seeing in my inbox.

If you've been following me for any amount of time on here, you already know that I don't take any of this stuff (or talk) too seriously. I like my faves, and I love seeing what they have next coming up. I don't care about fandom wars, nor do I care about pitting actors against each other. To me, ALL actors have their merits and things that I enjoy about them. I don't feel like I need to pick and choose one actor over another. That's silly. 🙄 I wouldn't want to live in a world where there was just ONE actor. I, personally, LOVE variety.

My only point in my earlier post is that I don't think that we can be so rigid in our definition of what a "movie star" is, because imo, there are MANY factors that go into making what one would call a "movie star" and especially an A-lister. We can see this when we look at movie stars of the past. We also have to keep in mind that society in general has changed, and social media has also changed a lot.

Another thing...An A-lister is someone who's bankable, yes, but it's also someone who has been nominated for awards, or even won awards. Look at Cruise, Hanks, Denzel, Julia, etc. All of those actors have been nominated or won awards. It's part of what makes them the A-list. They're highly sought after for roles, and they have made some great career choices in their filmography. They've also had flops (EVERY actor has a flop) so it's not like they had a hit every single time. They're usually also very likable, charming, and just have star quality. It's not smthg you can put your finger on. There are MANY factors, in other words.

Anyway..... With that said....

I'm sorry Anon, but it kind of seems like your post is a thinly disguised way of trying to minimize or (yet again) express disappointment in Tom's career. 🥴

I don't have any fear for Tom's career, because I'm just here along for the ride. 🤷🏽‍♀️ While I do think that him getting most of his overnight fame due to such a huge role in a Marvel film may have hindered him somewhat as far as being typecast and being able to step outside of that superhero "box", at the same time, that role gave him the fame, money, and household name status to be able to do whatever his passion is. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Would I like to see Tom working with some more well-known directors in great roles? Of course! And he's already worked with some great ones in the past (i.e. J.A. Bayona, Ron Howard), so it would be great to see more of that in the future again.

But at the same time, I'm not going to have an aneurism if Tom never plays anything other than Spiderman for the rest of his life. 🤷🏽‍♀️ To me, I'm just happy as long as my faves are happy.

Re: Drew....

That's good for him! But I don't think Tom needs to be compared to him? 🤷🏽‍♀️ Actors are just actors. Idk why acting somehow became some type of blood sport competition, but most actors aren't thinking in that way.

I think fans need to calm down and stop viewing things in that way. Jmho. Just be happy for others?

Tom has been venturing outside of the MCU, so I think he himself doesn't just want to do MCU films his entire life. I think ppl need to realize, though, that just because an actor's career looks one way one moment, it doesn't mean that it will look like that forever. An actor's career can ebb and flow over the years. It happens. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[curiositythecryptid]

Hello, back again another fic promo post!

It just took breaking a Dancy Pants machine, elemental merging and stopping the apocalypse for the nth time. Are all engagements this eventful? or, Diversity win! Nya gets a serving of the trauma salad. Cole is surprisingly experienced in the particular field.

This one is vaguely a sequel to four truths of the disembodied, if you've ever read that one! It took me a while to get around to posting this one on Tumblr bc I have some things I wanted to say about it.

Author's notes below the cut!

One very common Nya take I've seen in my year of fandom experience is that Nya still has the facial markings from her time as the Endless Sea, usually blue or glowing blue at some point, or that her hair is still water or turns into water when she uses her powers.

Those headcanons and fanart are really cool, I have to admit they lend themselves to excellent visuals, but the mechanics of them (as well as the mechanics of [shudders] Crystallized in general) always bugged me just enough to keep me thinking.

Let's start with Crystallized. To defeat Wojira, Nya merged with the ocean, opened herself up completely to her powers. In order to bring her back, they had to take her powers away, but they did so in a way that we already know (from Kai's experience) is not permanent. So, she does, and awfully quickly, get her powers back.

But wait. Isn't that separation from her powers is what brought her back to life to begin with? I like to give the show the benefit of the doubt, but still... Crystallized writing, amiright?

So anyway. I'm all for, after such a sudden burst of power being essentially fixed with some duct-tape and hardy faith, Nya having some kind of permanent mark and consequence from it all. It's just that, I think the situation was too dire and too powerfully magical for the consequence to only be a change in design. I need the functionality of her powers to be affected too, or, as I present in this fic, for her power to affect and represent her mental state in an actually risky way.

This isn't a jab at anyone who does otherwise, neither is this supposed to say no one has ever done this, I just really liked my concept and needed to ramble a little about it.

The other thing is: We have a lot of fics about Ninjago characters dealing with trauma from past seasons, and especially, a lot of fics about Jay dealing with Skybound trauma. Sometimes supported by Nya, or Cole, to deal with it. And I do love me some angst.

But while there seems to be a general, vague acknowledgement of how Nya died in a wedding gown, so I see Jaya art that banks on her not wearing a wedding gown if she gets married, but still... I feel like Nya's Skybound trauma is under-explored sometimes, especially compared to Jay's. And she went through a lot that season.

She was ignored, dehumanized, reduced to a face, forced into an outfit she didn't want, had to play into that role to appease to her kidnapper, forced to marry someone creepy, got possessed, used as a human shield and then died.

So yea. I don't think she's like. Fully Okay and Healthy about all that.

Sure, having a cool, strong woman character is fun, but a woman feeling hurt and needing a support network and showing any of the traits women have been associated with and shamed for throughout history shouldn't reduce how seriously she deserves to be taken.

I think we mostly get the idea! We're on a pretty smart website full of pretty smart writers and artists. But there might be someone in the fandom who hasn't yet, so I'm putting this out there anyway.

Thank you if you stuck around this far on this blatant ramble post, and I hope you liked the fic!

[captainaikus]

MOVEOUT.

So this is something I've been thinking about for a while, and I'm planning to move to ao3 for getting my works out since I've been shadowbanned by tumblr, however that's not the only reason. Just my opinion on my blog and if you don't wanna read it, just scroll away.

I’ve come to realize that tumblr is not a space for my writings. I say this even if I’m glad to know that I have over 1k followers here, but at the same time what is the point of it? Over a period of time I also figured that the pace of consuming content here is not a normal one. Some of you do appreciate what I write and I’m thankful for that, but at the same time majority of the people out there demand for a part 2 to things when they haven’t bothered to interact with my content. I also don’t want to be responsible for checking my followers or to see that minors are interacting with my content despite my rules saying so when I'm here to write my content and leave it there.

Tumblr is more of an interactive platform among authors and readers alike and as you have noticed - I’m not a very interactive one. The only relationship I do care about here is the one between me and my readers since that is the sole reason I was here in the first place; Now talking about the author/ writer community here - it’s not a very healthy one either since there tends to be discourse, offensive bantering and sometimes even friendships falling apart when you don’t see eye to eye. Not to mention (and I'm not pointing fingers at one particular person but just people in general) behaviors get rubbed off really easily. And the last thing I need to see on my dash - normally or otherwise is that blank blogs are not allowed to follow them or pressure for readers to contribute to a fandom by reblogging their works. And I strongly believe that readers should do as they wish (as long as its not harming anyone) rather than being pressured to form an opinion based off someone else's. Not to mention, big time authors are entering small fandoms despite gaining huge followings in other fandoms which leaves very little chances for small time authors which makes it difficult for them to get their work out - not speaking out of my insecurity or anything but it’s a very unfair system. My move to ao3 also has to do with the fact that you can write comments or give kudos if you want, but you don't have to reblog to show your support to me. Just kudos and comments are enough. Another reason why my work isn't suited for tumblr is to do with the fact that the place has become too predictable with a lot of smut just for the sake of getting likes or follows and for the sake of algorithm as well. It's been two years since i've read any decent fics now and I don't even search the tags anymore. Erotica is a piece of writing but honestly, writing has been lost here as there is more emphasis on the prior compared to the plot and the plot is something my focus is on in a story.

Ever since I started writing for blue lock, there have been reports of my works being flagged down and due to that my interactions and the pace of my uploads have died down. With that being said, my space (and tumblr) has turned toxic, with people wanting to leave rude comments, accuse me that I’m plagiarizing author’s works and arguing about it in my askbox - without even spending a moment to think that we write for the same genre and we’re allowed to have coinciding themes as well as dialogues. When it comes down to me checking the tags to see if my work has showed up, I see a lot of authors paraphrasing my work and sometimes writing lines similar to what I wrote in my fics. Where’s the protection for my dignity or pointing out to them that they’ve taken my work?

Nothing. Just silence.

That’s not the only thing I’m upset about. It’s also to do with the lack of sensitivity some people have here. I take time out of my day to write these fics. I spend energy on what I write going through every line and making sure that I have it right and what do you do? Take 2 minutes out of your day to report my work - something that I spend hours on despite having a busy work life. Do you not think how much it can hurt a person to see their hard work go to waste like that? It’s just proving that some of your immaturity is very underserving for my writing despite me writing my pieces for you since its a self insert. And I don’t want to interact or know people like that cause it disgusts me. Not to mention, its an act of cowardice since you're hiding on the other side of the screen while I'm out here making my content and enjoying my interactions. To people who report my writing and send me hateful asks : For the record, you didn't make me quit writing. You just showed me how fucking sorry and pitiful you are, the fact that you would be a miserable wretch to live with and that no one likes you; it makes me wonder how pathetic you are in real life if this is how you are online. Now with my move to ao3, I can create my own content without having to worry about what I write or if I'm copying someone else's writings cause I'll be sticking to my dash and my works. And here I can upload anytime and take the pace that I like rather being rushed into it.

So question is... what am i going to do with this blog? Stay active. People are interested in my works - so i'm gonna make announcements and release early spoilers for my writings on ao3 here as well as interact better with my readers who want to stay on anon or off it along with opinions and feedback based on my work. Other than that, i also want to continue hosting character interviews/ asks and matchups with every milestone i hit! This ends with my official moveout to ao3. And I hope you enjoy my writings there !!

[septembersghost]

This is the hardest week or so that I've ever had as a longtime swiftie. I saw people say this can't be worse than 2016 but it is for me because back then we were on her side and knew she was being wronged, we could defend her, but this time it's us being hurt and we can't. it's marginalized fans being upset and other fans talking over and ignoring us. I've never felt this bad and I love her and her music so much but I don't know how I'll ever look at her the same after this, and I'm not holding her accountable for that guy's actions, but that she'd be okay with it is complicity and giving him more of a platform, mouthing "ily" (barf) onstage to someone who's views are disgusting? I'm sad. I'm sorry it's been really hard for you. 😞

i'm so sorry. i'm at the point where i don't have words to express it because it's just exhausting and is crushing my heart. and i know i shouldn't even look at comments for my own mental health, but i've read a lot of things in the sub, and it's...killing me to see fans feeling this way, especially bipocs/jewish/muslim/disabled (is there a marginalized group he hasn't targeted? :/) fans, that they are not only asking these questions about her, but that they are feeling unsafe and unheard in the fandom. this post was shared with me, and it's a difficult read but it articulates a lot about the impact here, as do many of the comments.

my emotions have ranged all over the place this past week, but where i am now is this deep sense of sadness because i don't know what to do or where to go from here. she is intimately tied to her music, in an unusual way (i'd argue she's more connected to hers in ways fans know about than many other artists), which makes it difficult to separate. and yet her music is also ours and has accompanied countless fans through their lives, sometimes for many years (like i've said, fifteen in my case!), and that matters too and is extremely hard to disconnect from - music is such a profound and precious thing, it's not only sentimentality, it's in the very wiring of our brains, it's in our core memories. knowing fans are grappling with pain from that and trying to reconcile it...it hurts me so much. and there's a realization that overall, anyone struggling is still in a minority, so it doesn't make that much difference - thousands of people being upset feels wrong and terrible to me, no one should be experiencing that, and yet that's such a tiny fraction out of millions, which i think is another part of why the ones raising their voices feel a bit lost. i'm also frankly sick of seeing pushback about how fans hurting right now shouldn't be allowed to speak, because some intense double standards are at play (praise her and never criticize her is not a fair or healthy environment tbh). every fan i've seen upset is very clear about why, they're not holding her responsible for his actions, they're not confusing their reaction with real activism or social justice, they are raising concerns, and they're grieving a safe place that brought them joy and comfort before. you can't underestimate what art means to people and how valuable that safe space is, to feel like it's been shattered is a deep loss.

kelly (@butimnotseventeen) wrote a post about why this isn't comparable to 2016, and i think part of the conflict here is that, previously, it was always us with her, against the many who've torn her down and hated her unfairly. in this instance...that's not the situation. this is fans hurt and disappointed, and not being able to defend her, and it's also fans against other fans, which i think has made the anger worse. feeling attacked and shut out in a space you've cultivated and that makes you happy is terrible.

idk if we've reached the moment yet where we have to decide what we're going to do moving forward, or that moment likely will come at different times for everyone who's currently struggling. this is not something that's going to be addressed, and i think everyone needs to face the reality of that. we cannot demand anything from her personal life, and everyone knows that. if he apologizes, it will be because his hand was forced, and it won't change anything. if/when they break up, this still happened. anyone who leaves the fandom permanently is a drop in the bucket compared to how vast the fanbase is, so ultimately it's like...the decision you make should be centered on you and your well-being only. allow it to be about you, and your heart, because there's unfortunately no larger impact to be had here. is her music still meaningful to you, does it still make you happy? you're allowed to hold onto it. do you still love her and are you able to recognize she is flawed and contradictory and a wealthy white celebrity who lives in a world of privilege and never has to confront certain realities, can you reconcile that with caring about and enjoying her? because it's not wrong or hypocritical if you do. it's complicated. and if you want to step away for a while, or permanently, you're allowed that too. it truly is whatever is best for you.

selfishly, i miss coming on here and reblogging posts about her (and the beautiful things creators make) and being happy and excited, i miss coming on here and not feeling a sense of unease, and while i am in groups he targeted, and fundamentally am disgusted as a woman and human being, i cannot imagine what it's been like for bipoc fans. i've intentionally prioritized those of you who are hurt because you're important and you've been impacted in a way that taylor, who is not here seeing this, will never understand. she will never know how vulnerable fans feel. she will never have to read your pained and disappointed messages and try to counsel people through this. it makes me ache that any of us are struggling or experiencing that disconnect. i'm personally more affected by caring about other fans right now than i am by her, though i am worried about her to a degree too. we desperately need to hold onto empathy whenever we can.

her music has been such a light and carried me through so much. there's almost an irony to the fact that at any other time when i was hurt, i'd immediately turn to her music for comfort, and at the moment that's exactly where i can't go. it's very heavy and hard to say when that will fade. i just...i want you to know i've heard you and i love you and i'm sorry. i'm sorry you're hurt and sad. i wish i could do more. i wish i could predict the future and somehow tell you this will get better. i wish nobody felt this way at all. you matter and your safety and happiness matter. you can decide what brings that to you, and i hope you can keep finding it.

[inavagrant-a]

So! In your particular interp here with Tetsuya, how does he view Nahida post-Archon quest as they come to learn about each other more?

Thank you for the question, I really appreciate it!

So as a whole Tetsuya is pretty complicated, not by choice mind you though I guess some of it are conscious decisions of his but you know what I mean awraxa.

As far as it pertains to Nahida it's definitely a learning curve for him. Though it has been voiced that the dehumanization that he's undergone with the Fatui didn't particularly bother him (which I don't entirely believe, it's a matter of him UNLEARNING that behavior) it did affect how he perceives relationships as a whole with anybody. I know you're saying post archon quest but I need to establish the groundwork of what I mean. In the quest he says some very unhealthy relationship types, like types of relationships that are genuinely toxic but his mind sees and perceives them as normal and stable. He said the only stable relationships are trade-off like relationships, where you get something from the person and they get something from them in return. He also said that the only relationships that work are the relationships where the parties are useful to each other. He has this perception for two main reasons;

Reason 1: The Fatui dehumanized the shit out of him. Literally one of the first words Pierro told him when he was recruited was that he was a "weapon."

Reason 2: He never ended up with hurt feelings. His feelings never got hurt during any of that so in his mind it's like oh wow this didn't hurt, this is what a healthy relationship is like right??

This is an extremely unhealthy perception he has and he has to UNLEARN it first. He has to UNLEARN it because he's wrong, the way he's perceiving all of that is wrong. What he's deeming as "healthy" and "stable" is actually quite toxic, gross, and unhealthy.

nOW with that said Nahida is not shy from challenging his perspective which I aBSOLUTELY ADORE ABOUT NAHIDA. Like I can not express how much it means to me that she isn't scared to challenge him as many other characters would more than likely be scared to do so. Nahida is wise yes, but she too is in a learning curve now that she's free. During the archon quest she wasn't scared of telling him that what he was saying wasn't right and even calling him out on some of it and telling him that he knows deep down it isn't right it's just that he's scared (this goes back to Reason 2 of why he has the perception he has).

I know a lot of the fandom sees her as like his second mom which in all honestly it is all fair game and I will never flame how people consume their fiction or anything! But to me I see her as a mix of a big sister and like this aunt of sorts. Because they will both be learning together, not just Tetsuya, Nahida has a lot to learn too because she's been cooped up against her will by the sages. Nahida has the fact that she's the god of wisdom on her side though compared to him awraxa. He didn't instantly trust her, that wasn't how it worked, in fact a part of him is still mostly convinced she has him around because she wants something from him but deep down he's going to second guess this rock he so adamantly wants to die on because she's just going to be doing things that are going to prove him incorrectly over and over again. She's going to help him UNLEARN little by little by just being how she is with him.

I'm not gonna beat around the bush, Tetsuya knows he got off of being properly punished, he got it easy in that regard because he could have easily gotten it worse. Nahida is someone Tetsuya does acknowledge as benevolent and he also has huge respect for her too even if he can still be a little shit. Nahida has done nothing but shown that she wants to motivate him to get better, make the process of moving forward easier for him out of the goodness of her heart and he will see it time and time again. The reason why he claims sometimes that it annoys him when she tries to suggest things to him is because he knows he's wrong about her so it's this quiet internal war inside of himself because he's prideful and quite stubborn. That is a process that will die out in time though because like I said before unlearning is a huge step, it's basically you admitting you were wrong about something and trying to correct yourself which doesn't come easy in general, so imagine how that'll go for him awraxa. But it doesn't mean he isn't capable of unlearning because he is.

So Tetsuya can learn a lot from her but in that same coin Nahida can learn a lot from him too. Nahida has mentioned that one of the things she's still trying to grasp is human emotion and it is no secret to anybody that his /character/ is quite the emotional character. The way he reacts, the way he doesn't react, what he says, what he doesn't say, what she'll see with him and, one day, the conversations they'll have in regards to these emotions he has will help enlighten her as well in that regard. So they'll be learning a lot from each other, which I think is a beautiful thing to me at least.

So how he views her is not an easy question because that will change through time. Right now he just thinks he's useful to her and that's why he's around helping her but slowly and surely he'll see that he's not just a tool to be used over and over and over again, that to her he's another living being, another living being worthy of being seen as one and respected as one. He will come to appreciate her, he will come to value her, she will be someone who will be extremely dear to him, and I have no doubt he will be loyal to her as well not just as her helper anymore but as a valued friend, like his family.

And it kind of makes me sad to think because Nahida won't stay looking like a baby archon all of her life. Nahida will grow as she gets stronger, as she gets wiser just like the greater lord but Tetsuya will remain the same, he won't change. Nahida is an archon yes, is she strong and will she get stronger, absolutely, but she is not immune to death, she can die and if she gets to the point of "old age" but for archons, she will succumb to erosion as well and that'll hit one day, he'll have her for a long time but not forever and that's one of the reasons why he can't stand eternity. Eternity isn't beautiful to him, everything around him changes, everything around him won't stay the same, those he'll come to love will eventually leave him behind and he'll stay the same and he hasn't figured out a way to deal with that grief, to deal with that pain without spiraling out of control, but I feel like that's also something he can learn by her side.

So long story short, he'll come to love Nahida as his family. That's how I think at least.

[rindragon-from-twewy]

This week bouta be a rough one lads-

So this is just a big long rambly vent, nothing important or interesting unless you want some epic (boring) Rindude lore lol

I got no one else to text it to so- slap it on the internet I'm sure this won't bite me in like 10 years time or something-

So anyways, my physical and mental health have been at their worst these last 2 years. Thought it reached rock bottom in like 2016-2017? But nah turns out I hadn't even downloaded all the secret awful emotions expansion pack dlc back then so- whoops.

Anyways so that's kinda why I joined tumblr? Like I'd been meaning to for a while cuz I like watching post reading videos on yt and I can't really talk to my friends about certain things cuz they're not mutual interests- (like twewy, rain code, basically anything post about fandom wise lol-) And on top of that I've kinda lost the person I used to say all my random thoughts to and share my art and ocs and writing with so... I guess I'm replacing them with the internet? It's the best I got for now. But that's all a story for another time ig-

I suppose it's funny though cuz in retrospect, my health being awful gave me a taste of a lot of experiences I wouldn't have properly understood otherwise like being in a wheelchair, coping with bouts of being mute and re-learning a lot of otherwise ordinary things like how to eat and even how to use stairs! (Gosh it sounds like I was in some tragic accident lol- I promise, I wasn't, I've never broken a bone before!) But it's just kinda... odd... how only I really notice the ways the physical side of my health issues has impacted me long term? Those around me think I want to learn sign language now on a whim and not because I now understand how hard it is to communicate when audible or written words aren't options. I see eating and food in a way I just didn't before. It's much more of a necessity then a joy compared to how things were before. Though don't get me wrong, I still love snacks!

I guess the point in tryna make is. I may have lost a friend. I may have - and will continue to - lose a lot of the stability in my life that I need. But it won't be this way forever. I hope. Enough people have proven that they're in this for the ling haul. They're going to stay. And I should focus on them and making sure they know I appreciate it!!! But... also... I'm totally down for making new friends too, any day of the week. I'm just a lil guy tho so... it's hard to keep new people interested cuz I tend to be either too much or too little... uh. Things. Will be better. They will be. I just need to keep going. Keep drawing. Keep writing. Keep eating. Keep walking. I can stagnate for a while, when I need. Dare I say it's healthy to do so sometimes!

Progress isn't a straight line. Neither is the road to recovery or even grief. I'm low now but I've already gotten a lot better then even just a month ago!

I'll feel awful sometimes.

But even just... existing... being alive. That means I'm winning. :>

[hxhhasmysoul]

It's funny, I knew u loved and knew about HxH already, and then I saw u making posts about JJK and stuff too.

So me, as a major HxH fan, and someone who only knew/saw/heard some stuff about JJK, I was going to ask u if there was actually any similarities between Killua and Gojo, besides more "superficial" ones, since I had seen comparisons between them (as well, as between Kakashi and Gojo and Killua and Kakashi too. Honestly, Kakashi and Killua are probably more similar than Killua and Gojo, but they are still very different too, and I am not completely sure on that thought. Could also come from bias that I love Killua and Kakashi a lot - Though, Killua more than Kakashi; though I love Kakashi a lot too -and more than Gojo. Not that I hate Gojo or anything. I just love Killua and Kakashi more. Honestly; it kind of seems like Geje might have been inspired by [both] Killua and Kakashi in making Gojo, but didn't completely understand what made both the characters and why people [actually] love them), so I was curious about ur thoughts on that, as someone who knows both HxH and JJK well.

But before I could you made this post: I need Gojou fans to stop. (Links not working for me right now. So I am just saying the name of the post instead), so it looks like you already did that. Lol.

Nice post btw! Probably one of the better/best Killua analysis/analyses I have read. (I have learned over the years that Killua gets so misunderstood. Other HxH characters too. Like Gon. Killua and Gon are probably a couple of the more misunderstood HxH characters imo. Seriously though, Killua will get misunderstood even by people who like and/or love him. Or who are fans of him. Though; I guess that kind of thing does happened). I really like who you brought up how Killua can be very emotionally illigenet, because I feel like that can be overlooked (maybe because his social skills aren't always the best due to his upbringing? Or something like that), brings up that his skills/abilities/etc. come from pain and suffering.

(at least partially because people will focus on his talent and/or potential and ignore just how much he has his worked his whole life for the things he has. All just all the suffering, abuse, and torture. Which, people try to excuse his "training", and say it is okay, because it "helped" Killua. It helped Killua, because Killua turns his suffering into other things, like strength, and all the abuse, manipulation, torture, etc.; has messed him up so much mentally. There is a reason he can be so insecure and has basically no to negative self-worth. And/or etc.

I am sorry, I love all the Zoldycks, but people really do try to excuse the abuse Killua has gone through, but saying it "isn't that bad", or "it helped him", or that "they still love each other" (people can still love each other, and people awful and abusive and/or etc. And a lot of the love Killua gets is shown to be unhealthy, abusive, manipulative, selfish, twisted, etc. People like Alluka/Nanika, some of the butlers and assistant butlers like Gotoh and Canary, and/or etc. show more healthy love for Killua compared to most of his family; a fair amount of the time. Which is both sad, and nice. Basically, the Zoldycks can love each other. But they do it, a fair amount of the time, in weird, messed up Zoldyck ways), and/or etc.

And I am just like, "what"? Idk, HxH fans can sometimes be very hard when in some things. Like trying to act like the older Zoldycks aren't that bad or that Killua (and the other Zoldyck kids) haven't been abused, tortured, neglected, locked away (Alluka/Nanika), chained up, manipulated, etc. It is weird sometimes).

1/2.

First of all, thank you for all the asks, I'm glad you found something interesting in my post.

As to characters being misunderstood... I think there's a lot of projection in fandom in general. Projection and/or white washing for image building reasons.

And I'm generally okay with it. Like my personal opinion is very "you do you", when it comes to fandom. I will woobify a villain for my fics because I want to make myself feel better with a nicer dynamic, I'm not good at writing full angst with no happy ending or whatever. And I don't expect everyone to like it. And this way I give myself the right to click out of fics when the characterisation irks me.

But I won't lie that it's annoying when it spills into meta. Especially when fanon is treated like canon and it's much more popular and pervasive than canon. When I write meta about the same villain I do my utmost not to make them seem better than they are.

And I totally agree that both Killua and Gon are very misrepresented in canon. People are trying to bring them to a small set of simple characteristics when they both are very layered characters.

The takes that the abuse helped Killua are mind boggling honestly. These really buy into the point of view of the abusers. In the world of HxH there are normies who live normal lives never knowing of nen or other super powers. They live chill lives unless some super powered, entitled assholes stomp on them. Regardless of what potential Killua was born with, he could've just lived a normal life. The people who decided he wouldn't have that were his family. They decided he needs powers to succeeded them in their violent job, whether he wants it or not. And he does not want that. Yes, Killua is proud of his strength and what he and his family can do, but he was brought up to value this kind of shit. Contrast him with Mito who doesn't value such stuff in the slightest. It's a learned way of thinking.

If Killua had a normal family, he could've developed his skills more organically, if he had wanted to lean into his potential. The abuse only helps he survive in the life he was forced to. Because even though he leaves the assassin life, he's now a hunter. And he becomes a hunter because he was already brought up into a world outside the norm, a world in which it's feasible to become a hunter. Contrary to the 4 other characters, even to Hisoka, Killua doesn't have anything he really wants to hunt. He says that he could hunt criminals during the exam, but it's not something he cares about. He never tries to make it his life.

Both Gon and Killua have very high emotional intelligence, though not the same way. But I really like it about them, that they are different but on par. And they aren't complete opposites. Gon's better at acting on his emotional intelligence. Killua's better on analising people and understanding their motivations.

I also like the Zoldycks as characters, I find their dynamics interesting. And I agree that there are strong emotions between them. Because they truly are a family. But they are a horrible family, one that harms everyone, that forces a way of life and a way of thinking onto all the people trapped in it. (btw there's a poll about toxic fams and the Zoldycks are rightfully winning, please vote for them to help seal their victory).

I wish that people could divorce in their heads liking a character as a part of a story and liking them as a person. And that they could stop conflating liking something with endorsing it. Because this is where the whitewashing of the Zoldycks comes from. People not being able to enjoy them as a fictional family because if they were real there'd be nothing to enjoy. And stop conflating explanations with justifications and excuses. And stop judging each other for what fictional characters and dynamics they enjoy. Because this leads to aggressively replacing canon with fanon.