#but somehow it makes me happy that people associate me with him so easily that they are like 'yeah that was irlmisha'

[peeweekey]

everyone adores you (at least i do)

pairing: sam x reader

wc: 1.1k

tags: CHEEEEESY cheesy cheesy puppy love, mutual pining, sam is PATHETICALLY down bad, pre-relationship, abigail and sebastian mentioned, friends to lovers

synopsis: if it were up to sam, he'd spend every second of everyday at your side.

a/n: in all of my other sam fics, its reader embarrassingly in love with him...he gets a taste of his own medicine here lol!

With vanilla ice cream melting and dripping down your fingertips, coarse sand underneath you and the salty ocean waves lapping at your feet; you are a child again, sitting with your grandpa at the docks, watching as he reeled in a ‘big one’. Filling his bucket with loads and loads of fish.

Those days are far gone now, but the memory remains, as clear as the day you remember it. The feeling is nostalgic, sleepy in the way your senses are dulled by syrupy thick contentment. Beaches at sunset have that effect on you, you suppose. 

“This is fun,” Sam says, tone lacking its boisterous loudness, you almost don’t hear it over the sound of crashing waves. “I had a lot of fun today, farmer.”

Your eyes flicker to him, his green gaze dead-set on the peachy golden sky, the taste of sea salt mingling with sweet ice cream heavy in your tongue. The sea breeze is cold, whipping against your face and running through your hair.

“I did too,” you agree. “Y’know, I don’t get a lot of off time with the farm and stuff. This is a nice change of pace.”

He smiles, that sunshine smile you’ve come to associate with Sam. “I caught you at just the right time then, huh?” 

You shrug, your own smile mirroring his. “Auspicious.” He did.

The sun is setting, the day is coming to a close yet Sam wishes it wouldn’t, silently pleading with any higher being to somehow stretch time. He is barely a religious person, but the weight of his want is enough to transcend his own beliefs. Every second with you barely feels like enough; like sand slipping through his fingers.

One thing’s for certain, Sam isn’t going to just let it end here.

“We should hang out like this again,” Sam says, a little hurriedly, captured all in one breath. Shy and tentative, like a bashful child with a school crush. “Uh, I mean, do you? Wanna? Hang out with me?”

You can barely suppress a delighted chuckle from slipping past your lips, your chest warming with fond affection. “I’d be more than happy to. Yoba knows I need a break or two or I’ll actually explode,” you huff while Sam hums in agreement. “We can even invite Abigail and Sebastian… so can demo that new song for me, I see you all working very hard when I visit sometimes.”

He should be happy to hear that; that you’d be more than happy to spend your precious off time with him out of all people. You and him, him and you, Sam and the farmer. Your name connected to his with ‘and’, it makes him giddy, causes his cheeks pinken and pinken. 

Just the two of you, though. Sure, he loves his friends, Abby and Seb have been with him since day one. But it feels out of place—

(Sam, Sebastian, Abigail and the farmer doesn’t have that ring to it…)

“Yeah, I—I dunno, it’s just…”

The unfiltered truth is stupid, at least to him. Vincent is far too young for some of the things Sam longs to say. There’s a reason Abby and Seb hang out under his nose, he won’t blame them, they have their own secrets he isn’t privy to—too serious, too dull for him.

(And now with you, he thinks you might just be the one he can share his own secrets with. Because even he has his own serious, dull thoughts. Thoughts that he doesn’t want brushed away with a snarky remark or a sarcastic laugh.)

“I kinda like that it’s just the two of us?” 

His voice sounds unsteady, squeaky. Trailing off at the end, lost in the sound of water crashing at your feet. Phrasing his statement into a question that you could deny, that you could easily brush off—because if you did, he would too. 

(It would be a bummer if you did though, but Sam is cool with that, chill with any decision you make. Really, he totally is.)

You grin, bumping your shoulder against his, your ice cream is dripping down, down, down your knuckles. Once your skin meets his, you don’t pull away, you press closer and closer to his side. Leaning your head against his sunburnt shoulder—but he barely registers the sting—and your arm against his own. It’s a pleasant weight, having you against him—grounding and tethering him to you.

“I do too. Like it, I mean. I think I get to see so many other sides to you, Sam. Without the others and all that.”

Sam feels his breath hitch, his cheeks flush even pinker even with the sunburns. “Woah, phew, I mean—awesome… When, when do you think we can meet next?”

You tilt your head, running calculations through your mind. You’re very busy on that farm, he knows; but Sam can’t help but keep his hopes up, you’re fun company. Maybe the best he’s had yet.

“I know I won’t have enough time until my melons are ready for harvesting—and don’t you dare try making a joke about that,” you smile, wide and cheeky. Right as Sam readies an innuendo at the tip of his tongue; it makes his blood pump faster and his breathing stutters at the thought of you knowing him so well. 

“So how about this?” you propose slowly. “We spend one day every month doing all the stuff we wanna do, together. just you and me—fun right? I’ll even sleep a little earlier the night before.”

Sam bites into his ice cream—chocolate and your treat, at your insistence—though he isn’t quite sure if the immediate smile on his lips is due to its sweetness, or yours.

He leans closer into you, resting his head on top of yours, strands of your hair tickling his lips. Lowering his voice into a whisper so only you can hear.

(The secret is that you make Sam want. Want, want, want like he’ll never get sick of it. He hoards these stolen moments with you so greedily yet wants more.)

“…two days, two days each month.”

He feels your body shake with the strength of your laughter, warmth swirls all throughout his body, tingling wherever your body brushes against his own. Sam finds that he likes the feeling, the buzz of it—it’s addicting.

“Yeah, alright then,” you reply, mirth dripping from each and every word. “two days. We have a deal. Better?”

“Yeah,” he turns back to face the water, the ocean spray misting his face. “Yeah, a lot better. That does sound fun.”

Anything sounds fun when it involves you.

[isa-ghost]

isa my bestie. do u have any tallulah and phil headcanons

Always famsquad

Other qPhil headcanons

Take one look at this man and tell me with your whole chest he's confident. NO HE IS NOT. He gets so insecure about being a good adoptive dad for her. He internalizes the full extent of it but oh my god is he terrified she thinks he loves her less than Chayanne or only took her in out of obligation or isn't good enough for her in general

She makes him laugh SO MUCH. Her dramatics, her comedic timing, the Mexican culture things/memes she shares with him once in a while. Even when she doesn't intend to, she makes him laugh so often. Genuinely she makes The Horrors more bearable for him.

He hates not being great at words bc he feels like he isn't the best advocate for her that he could be. Example: when she was wary of the new eggs. He didn't know how to vouch for her beyond reassurances she'd come around. He wishes he could've articulated himself better bc he Understands her but can't put it into words to other people to the degree he'd like to.

He will literally never look at flowers the same way again. Lullah literally overwrote his association of them with Rose. Now his first thought is "peepoHappy Lullah!!" Instead of Rose. Rose is now second.

Lullah genuinely brings out a gentler side to him. This man is hardened by survival and bloodshed and at least one death in his past. He's a bit closed off and suspicious out of second nature. She brings him out of that shell so easily, he doesn't even realize it's happening.

She can see right through his bullshit and it's so fucking funny. "I'm doing fine m8" and she's just like "[cocks gun] Doubt. Bitch. Try again." She WILL cure this man of his emotional constipation.

I firmly believe she'll be the one to motivate Phil to finally build smth on a Hardcore Project scale one day. Somehow. He'd do it for her.

If he ever says he doesn't like when she acts like a little shit, don't listen to him. He's lying through his teeth. Lullah being a little shit amuses him endlessly.

Lullah doesn't swear a Ton, at least not as often as he does. He wishes she did, bc whenever she does it's super funny and usually perfectly timed.

Her wing hugs mean the fucking world to him they make him so ;-; every time

Lullah has somewhat adopted Phil's over-caution. She's a bit more traumatized by The Nightmare than Chayanne is. The "abuel" sign haunts her

Phil will sing stupid songs along to her flute until she hits him for his goofy nonsense lyrics

Speaking of her flute, her playing Sweden unironically gives him nostalgia and kinda soothes his nerves. It's like his cue of "the kids are okay, they're safe and happy." The first time he heard it again after Purgatory & the eggs' recovery, he cried a little (I'm projecting)

One of the reasons he was most salty about The Reset was because it meant they can't go to Lullah's botanical garden, her farm in the wall, or any of her other cool builds

Phil found her the purple striped hat she has in Phil's chat emote. She has it fr so she can be Just Like Papa :D

[riririnnnn]

Low-key a continuation of this, but this post alone makes complete sense.

I'm well fed now, so my brain is churning again.

LESGOOOOOO 🌬️🤸🏻‍♀️🌪️

So, we have this fella.

Let's start.

Theory — 1

Kaiser has a flower farming family business or a florist shop.

You see, Blue Rose isn't something you'll find growing in the wild on its own. It's an artificially produced product or a White Rose dyed with a blue colour.

I understand that there are many people out there who are passionate about growing flowers, but only as a hobby. However, for simplicity, let's ignore that.

So, I think he was more like a soft boy and you can easily imagine a soft boy with a flower background getting bullied by the tougher guys when he decided to join a soccer team, then someone from his family gave him an inspirational talk about Blue Rose. It explains his want to win the World Cup and also his want to push the soccer industry into despair.

Plot hole: This theory doesn't feel Blue Lock-esque, it feels rather lame for a character like Kaiser. It doesn't explain his weird, nearly obsessive behaviour in his rivalry with Isagi. It leaves no room for a deeper explanation about his hand tattoo.

Theory — 2

This is the more widely known and believed theory in the BLLK Fandom that Kaiser was poor growing up, and some might even go as far as to say that he was a trafficked child. It could be that the one who lend him a hand for help also had some association with Blue Rose, and then helped him pursue soccer further.

Plot hole: Quite similar to Lorenzo's story. Being poor has already been used many times as a trope in this Animanga. Doesn't explain his behaviour of inflicting pain on himself while being frustrated and that why he wants the soccer world to go into despair.

Theory — 3

This goes darker, so be warned.

Soccer, somehow, destroyed his loving and happy family. It could be that he used to be a crybaby, and he got inspired/used to look up to a figure in his house who used to play soccer.

Firstly, when he used to fail in soccer, that figure used to calmly soothe him and treat him nicely, but then things turned out to get worse and after that Kaiser got subjected to being physically abused which explains his knack to choke himself.

Plot hole: Feels like a scrapped idea from Itoshi brothers' backstory. Blue Rose tattoo's influence in the story gets diminished and the hand tattoo feels like something added just to make the character look cool.

Theory — 4

This theory solely based upon this panel:

It makes me think like he got abandoned by a soccer partner or something.

Further, see this panel:

Maybe this partner backstabbed Kaiser?

It could be that his older teammates got jealous of his "talent" and then bullied/physically or verbally harassed him? When in reality he actually had no talent and just worked really hard, like, we have been shown how he was practicing hard after Isagi one-up-ed him in the Ubers match or after the Manshine City match when he was watching everything in those multiple screens.

Feels like he is going to be the Oikawa of Blue Lock.

Plot hole: I actually don't find any kind of plot hole in this theory except the fact that Blue Rose low-key feels out of the blue.

Theory — 5

It could be called as a modified version of the above theory.

Maybe his family is filthy rich too. Having "Kaiser" as a last name could mean that he is from some sort of Royal family and he used to play soccer with his siblings or a family member, but as the time passed, he still dreamt of being a Pro soccer player, but the other person(s) refused and instead accepted their traditional roles.

Plot hole: Feels like Reo 2.0, and doesn't explain why he wants the soccer industry to go into despair.

Personally, I do think that we are going to get entirely something else, but it's pretty fun to think of such things.

.

.

.

Ness should never touch scissors again. He massacred Kaiser's hair.

[raayllum]

Very non-consequential, but still fun question: what animal do you associate with each of the main trio? (plus anyone else you feel like doing!)

I overthought this question because I couldn't just do animals in general and had to go with specific species so:

Callum is a bird, obviously. The boy loves his Ocean arcanum too but birds have the wings, and the intelligence and mating for life bonds (more often), and sharp little beaks that can gouge your eyes out. Man has teeth. Let's leave them there.

From there it was whittling down which bird to pick, so I learn towards either a standard Rock Pigeon or a Clark's Nutcracker bird.

Rock Pigeon

Rock pigeons for a few reasons.

Elegant but not overly pretty, which fits Callum pretty well. He's grown into a handsome boy but he'll always have a tiny bit of awkwardness, and the green sheen nicely ties into his eyes

Callum's name means dove, and pigeons and doves are very similar overall. However, Callum is less squeaky clean/outright peaceful than just a dove would indicate, so pigeons have a more grey/black down to earth colouring felt right. "Dirtying yourself with dark magic" and all that

They mate for life, which is a memo re: Rayla Callum has definitely gotten on board with lbr here

Pigeons are very smart, remembering faces, see the world in complex colours (artist anyone) and able to navigate complex routes to find locations / their way home (hence why they were used as messenger birds during wartime).

At his best, Callum is very communicative, has a great memory, and will eventually learn to navigate his own path away from others' imposed destinies on him

Clark's Nutcracker

They're in the Corvidae family like crows and ravens, which makes me happy, as those are two of my favourite birds

Again has the intelligence that our boy needs/deserves; these guys in particular are very good at prying seeds apart with their beaks, which gives me key of Aaravos / Callum unlocking secrets vibes

Sharp pointy beak to bite/stab people with. It's what he deserves

They also mate for life hell yeah

I also feel like they somehow match him better aesthetically but Idk why so grain of salt

Rayla I defaulted pretty easily to either a wolf or honestly more likely an arctic fox.

I wanted something smaller and more solitary than a wolf, since even within her village community Rayla has always been an outsider

Also very influenced by aesthetic (white, fluffy, slim) in addition to being loyal the way canines tend to be + a hunting animal bc like look at her swords

They also change colours as their coats update with the seasons, which felt very on par with how Rayla has transformed her wardrobe colours and herself / tries to take on different faces and identities depending on where she is on her arc

Constantly shifting like the moon amirite?

They are described as playful, cunning, cheeky, and curious

Bc they're heavily arctic animals / places with long winters, they depend more than other animals on hiding and stowing food away for later, which makes me think of how Rayla is pretty consistently carrying secrets / stashing the coins away in Stella's portal

Ezran to me is a Strawberry Poison-Dart Frog.

I chose this one cause I feel like an amphibian of some sort would best reflect Ezran, given his associations of being torn more explicitly between two worlds and two things. On the one hand, he's a child and should be treated/respected as such, and on the other hand, he's also a king and should be treated/respected as such. So amphibians having water and land, the way that Ezran does well both in times of conflict and times of peace (the latter being something Rayla really struggles with in particular) is well reflected. Also Bait, obviously

I went with orange > red even though Ezran wears the latter, cause orange feels warmer than the danger! zone red puts in, as well as mixing well with Ezran's brown hair. The touch of blue is for his eyes and his connection to Zym, and a tropical lil guy who likes sunshiney weather. Frogs are also pretty slippery and fast and Ezran (esp pre-series) is pretty wily and mischievous, getting into nooks and crannies he shouldn't be and then getting out of hot spots later on in show, so that matched up in my head

Other notes:

Viren always makes me think of serpents, and Claudia and Aaravos always make me think of spiders, so I'll toss those two in as well (although I feel they're more self explanatory symbolism wise / more offered within the text itself).

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Memento Moria

Kiiiii-shi-shi-shi! Happy Halloween! Last time we took the whole month for Victoria Cindry with our #Spooky Sidestory. That was fun, if you don't know Cindry always borrowed from a famous ghost story about a spirit named Okiku. Which means you maybe need to think a little more in hindsight about her being an actress whose story relies on a theme of toxic obligation. We touched on Moria a bit, how he serves as a warning to what lies ahead. But I always wanted to give him his due. He's such a good seed for the yonko; baiting the idea of separating the crew, the zombies as an analogue for infighting, his shadow keeping you from even touching him. How many people did he beat without lifting a finger? This becomes a huge motif by Totland & Wano.

Moria is a great villain, though I'll never fault a younger fan for not quite getting it yet. Other characters share this idea of their dreams dashed by the buzzsaw of the New World, but Moria is the one who really embodies it. He's not just someone who experienced loss, he's defined by it. I mean this in the nicest way possible, you won't truly relate to Moria unless you've had some kind of tangible past success. Laurels to rest on long enough you know how dangerous that can be. I love this "whiteout" panel, how his face looks so bat-like. If you need a refresher on why this pertains to Kiku:

Kiku's introduction already leans on drawing from One Piece's history, subtly baiting key associations. Bat-Man being one of the first Gifters is certainly a choice, and his extremely shallotesque shape reinforces the reference. For those who don't know, Moria's animal motif isn't a gecko. It's a bat, Gecko Moria. Komori=bat. That in Kiku's intro is worth pointing out alone, much moreso when we get an update on Moria paired with a reflection (Catarina) of what we just highlighted out of the star of the first act. Those two are solid thematically, now add the Ringo ripple.

Does it have to mean anything? No, but theoretically if we wanted to have one of the Akazaya involved somehow there's a certain logic to Kiku the Ringo native being the intuitive choice. It's just like the Shanks/Buggy angle. We have someone so oddly worldly in Wano and yet again a known thread is set up it can easily run through her. I might actually want to see a flashback of Kiku & Moria having a chance encounter over Shanks. If only because I can guess how Shanks would go. You think Moria might make a play at recruiting the demonic prodigy of the Akazaya? Say what you will about his necromancy, which I'd imagine Kiku would abhor, I don't see Moria being the type to care about the trans aspect. Being earnestly good about it like Luffy seems reasonable.

Moria though, just as a villain he's grown on me. Or really I've grown, lost groups of people I once felt brought out the best in me. Lazily replaced them with shadows, spun my wheels in a position that sounded like a good enough spot to be in. I get Moria, he's kinda over it but hasn't fully given up. Just taking a lazier, safer approach because he's scared of what lies ahead. Shadows Asgard and taking in 1000 shadows is a big example of growing on me. Makes so much more sense when you see how Kaido/Wano builds off of the concept. Moria has the power to be a top contender, he doesn't have the will to control it. Shadow Asgard, false divinity.

Back then, even the Straw Hats see it right away. Luffy turns to the crew and tells them to take care of the rest cause he's gonna get reckless. I love the parallel of Luffy having to take on a taste of Moria's true power and Zoro well, that time when nothing happened. Kuma's getting plenty of focus now but we'll wait until the flashback ends to do him proper. Keeping that strong and famous crew he could count on over more zombie mooks won the day. That under the threat of daybreak is good shit.

[effervescentdragon]

Idk if you’ve answered this but I’ve stumbled upon your tumblr and I just realised your the one who wrote el amor del inframundo and I have to say it’s easily one of the best fics I’ve ever read. I’ve never been into au’s and I wasn’t into Charlos that much either until I read it and it just changed my whole perspective on them. I love that fic so much I have it open as a tab on safari, refreshing it every now and then in hopes that it gets updated (that’s how much I love it!!!) I guess my question is if you have plans on continuing it and if not could you possibly tell us a short little summery of what happens between them, I just desperately want to know what their first kiss is like🥺 (also I regularly think about the scene where they’re both high, god that was such a good scene)

Hellooooo i caught this in the mess that is my inbox! Hi, yes, i am the author of the mafia au and it makes me incredibly happy that you liked my fic that much! Thank you for all your kind words, this is the stuff we writers live for, because knowing people like sth i wrote just makes me wanna write more! 🥹🥰 so far the plan is to finish it sometime and somehow, and the stats on the next chapter are following

i have no idea how the story is going to go exactly, and im in a mini-block with my wips, but, i can share a scene from the next chapter :) as soon as the muses and brain allow, i'll work on it, bcs i have a story to tell here and i personally think it's a good one. So, excerpt from ch2 of el amor del inframundo under the cut, in which chess is a metaphor for many things :)

"Oh God, you're not playing chess with him, are you?" Mattia asked, chuckling and patting Carlos on the shoulder.

They were waiting for dinner to be served at the house of an associate, and Charles and Carlos were amusing themselves before they had to go and pretend they weren't bored out of their mind. They found a chess set in a room and were currently playing their third, winner-deciding game.

"I do," Carlos said, observing the board.

"You like to suffer, my friend," Mattia said, not moving away. "Charles likes to play, but he is not very good at it."

Carlos paused in the middle of reaching for his rook, and Charles bit back a smile. He’d seen Mattia when he caught sight of the two of them playing, and he felt a sliver of satisfaction at accurately predicting that he wouldn’t be able to stay away, eager to brag, as he always was.

"Ah, Mattia, don't deprive me of the only opponent who will still play with me," Charles said good-naturedly. Carlos raised his eyes to Charles, whose wide smile didn't show any dimples.

"Oh? You played with him?" Carlos asked, his voice even despite the turmoil behind his eyes.

"Yes," Mattia said, condescension clear in his voice. "He makes rash moves, otherwise he wouldn't lose so quickly. Probably would still lose as often."

"He loses to you," Carlos said more than asked. Charles wanted to kiss him for it, or suck his dick, anything really, to show him how fucking arousing he found Carlos' intelligence.

"Yes. Maybe you should play with me, or Antonio, and have a real challenge," Mattia said. Charles just kept smiling, and Mattia shook his head, then walked away.

Carlos played his move in silence, observing Charles.

"You played with Mattia?"

"Yes," Charles said, moving his queen. "And Antonio, and probably everyone in, ah, management."

"And you lost?"

"Yes," Charles said, tapping one of Carlos' white pawns he ate before on the table. "To all of them."

Carlos moved his pawn. Charles countered with his knight. Carlos narrowed his eyes. He reached for his queen, then reconsidered and moved his rook.

Charles grinned, and ate Carlos' rook with his queen.

"Check-mate," he said, grin wide and unrepentant, because he knew Carlos wouldn't have been able to see the trap Charles had set up for him before it was too late.

Carlos pushed the white king in front of him down just as Mattia passed them again, Giovinazzi on his heels. Just like a good dog should, Charles thought unkindly.

"I guess you're an even worse player than Charles, Carlos, if you're losing to him," he said, and both he and Giovinazzi laughed. Charles kept a good-natured smile on his face, chuckling a little.

"Yes," Carlos said, looking straight into Charles' eyes, his gaze clear and calculating and filled with understanding. "I guess I am."

Charles dimpled back at him.

"Another game?"

Carlos smiled back slowly, slyly, and nodded.

[imjustabeanie]

Matchup exhange for @kamesama

Your jujutsu kaisen match is...Nanami Kento!

Toji was a runner up but he lacks the stability that Nanami gives.

First of all, he is exactly what you’re looking for. He’s firm yet caring and isn’t offended easily. I did say in private that I thought of him the moment I started reading your match and I mean it. The dynamic between two professional people who still know how to have fun outside of work is what lead me to this choice.

Nanami is known to not associate his work life with his personal one. This is why I believe you two met at a coffee shop. It was a rainy day, you both decided to take shelter in this coffee shop. Unfortunately it was packed so you two strangers had to share the same table. At first, Nanami said he’d stand up elsewhere to not make you uncomfortable in true gentleman fashion. You insisted and he finally sat down. Enjoying a warm cup of coffee and reading is a nice activity. It is uncertain who commented on the other book first but a nice conversation sparkled, distracting you from the weather. From now on, you two had one meeting minimum per week at that coffee shop. It’s nice to unwind after a long day surrounded by morons. The friendship was nice but it was after you somehow got tangled up in his world did he realize his fear of losing you. The nail on the coffin was when Gojo intruded on the meeting and was just being his usual self. The action was effective because Nanami asked you out a week later.

A relationship with Nanami is rather domestic. He starts by laying on the table that he’s a sorcerer and all related stuff and asks you if you’re sure about staying with him. He knows his end will mostly be tragic and wants to warn you. He is direct, he knows what he wants and doesn’t want to waste anyone time. The strongest base in your relationship is definitely communication. You two will step up the rules and boundaries rather early to ensure a peaceful and healthy relationship. His deal breakers are the same as yours. As long as you respect him he has no issue.

Due to your religion, I believe Nanami won’t initiate physical contact beyond the basic gestures like offering you his arm when walking. He doesn’t know your limits. He will do his researches obviously. He is actually happy when you initiate PDA and will ask you about what you accept and won’t accept. He actually gifts you hijabs that he thinks look nice or have a nice texture.

Not gonna lie, your character is rather similar to Nanami this is why you two understand each other rather well. Just like you, he has a specific routine and hates it when it gets ruined. Your routine together consists of meeting at least once per day after work hours. It could be for dinner, a coffee or if you want at one of your houses. He likes surprising you with homemade dinner and daily new pastry he finds. His love language is mostly acts of services and quality time, this is why he pays attention to all the little details and try to make your life easier. Details like your usual orders, favorite brands and your comfort foods during bad days. Nanami enjoys that you mostly do the same, this earns you a soft smile that none would think he can pull off. Now this is a personal headcanon but I believe Nanami enjoys nature in general. He likes going with you on walks or booking for foreign resorts for both of you in the week-ends/his vacations.

Both of you are perfectionists, it’s easy to get lost in the self criticism. Nanami would actually give you advices to improve the work if he sees them but when he feels you going too far he will tell you. More like he will coerce you with good tea or a new book he picked. All of this is to distract you. He is calmer and has more patience that’s why he’s here to bring you down to earth when you get too fidgety. I believe him to be emotionally intelligent, he knows when you start to isolate and would gently ask you about your problems. Trust is something that takes time, he understands and is willing to wait. You’re the only person who he won’t judge or get impatient with. Unless you start making bad puns, that’s the bane of his existence (jokingly). Or you get too reckless, that’s the only time he will be angry at you. Besides that, to be honest I don’t see any possible issue with your relationship.

Nanami also dates to marry. It will take a maximum of 5 years but he will ask you to marry him after booking a vacation at your dream resort. He will let you lead all the decoration and will only give his imput when you ask for it. He just wants to choose the food lol. But he makes sure everything is in order. It might be intrusive but I see the wedding to be a beige/brown colored wedding, I’ll try to look up for pictures online. After the wedding the honeymoon is in Malysia.

When you two moved in together, the only thing that changed is the amount of romantic moments. You two share all household chores and actually have a planner for it. He’s actually invest in those fancy coffee machines and there is a room in the apartment dedicated for both your hobbies. Like drawing, photography and reading. He also brings you flowers weekly, or more if he comes late and each flower has its special meaning. He also likes having baths with you where you two share your day over some tea. He likes hugging you from behind in the morning and smelling your hair. On slow days, you two can be found baking. Your house is quite aesthetically pleasing because none of you are messy. You are seen as those perfect calm couples that share their love in private.

Your tears of themis match is...Artem!

It was very tight between Artem and Marius to be honest. But I choose Artem cuz Marius is more chaotic and less to stick to a routine. From afar, Artem is similar to Nanami but he’s more sensible and emotionally aloof sometimes….

You two are neighbors who got introduced to each other by a grandma. He likes helping the elderly and children just like you. You two probably helped the grandma who decided to play matchmaker. She found you two to be cute together! This is how she somehow tricked both of you into spending more time together. At first it was purely out of convenience since you’re both neighbors and Artem didn’t know what to think of your personality. Then it went from talking about normal neighbor stuff to lending movies/books. I am not going to lie, Artem fell without knowing it (this is a slow burn. Like a year or more). It was his friends at work (ahem, Rosa and heck even Vyn) who pointed out how much he spoke about you. He didn’t want to make this awkward and wanted to know if you felt that way first before asking (he was ready to move out if he made you uncomfortable). Then you surprisingly asked him out to a restaurant he spoke about and he asked you out first.

Artem was happy when you laid out your boundaries because he didn’t know how to bring it to the table. As we saw in the game he’d rather read books about romance and try to follow their exemples…which can lead to funny situations like him randomly using bad pick up jokes. You laughed at him for it and even tease him sometimes. Artem is a serious and blunt guy but is very inexperienced in love. In true lawyer fashion he follows everything by the book which can make the relation seems boring in the long run. You’ll have to reassure him to step out and be himself more as it won’t make you angry or anything.

His love language is acts of service and gift giving. But it is very subtle. He is observant and just does things for you in silence. Like making sure the company you work for isn’t suspicious (just laking sure you’re safe in general), taking care of the annoying maintenance and paperwork, randomly delivering food at your job without leaving a name , remembering your favorite things (he keeps a notebook) and buying brands of various things (even cleaning stuff) that he found effective and wants to recommend. You get what I mean. He is more into the practical stuff. But later on when you two eventually get married, he’s the type of husband who likes getting you jewelry on special occasions. Artem will get red when you get touchy with him but will gladly accept it, he’s just going to be offput at first. Besides that I think of him as someone who loves kissing your forehead and hand.

Artem is a perfectionist who puts his heart and soul into his cases, yet he knows how to destress by engaging in his hobbies or just going on walks to clear his mind. He’s also naturally very good with words and thus very good at reassuring you that everything is okay and that you’re making a good job. He couldn’t be more proud. He knows how to make you stay calm so you won’t do anything drastic just like he knows when to just let you express your anger (especially if the person really deserves a brutal check to reality). He is willing to work through your trust issues and accepts that everyone has secrets, he also does have a baggage that won’t be unloaded easily. He takes his time with this relationship because he wants it to be solid and possibly evolve into marriage. Artem will give you a disappointed look if you do something that’s really reckless, you’ll have to apologize for it lol. But he’s also clumsy, it’s perfect teasing material.

Artem likes indoor dates. He has a home cinema fully dedicated for both of you to enjoy movies as much as you can. Each night one picks the movie and the other makes the snacks. He enjoys all kind of movies but his favorites are art and war related films. With you he’ll just learn to appreciate horror more. Beware, if there’s a random law/lawyer in the movie he will comment if it’s correct or not and what he would have done as the lawyer. Artem also likes cooking with/for you no matter your level in cooking, it also gives him the occasion to dance with you in the kitchen cuz he has a vinyl player. With time, he will surprise you more with jewelry and dinner dates at exclusive places. He does go all out during his paid vacation time with you.

For the negative parts…perhaps it’s how individualist he is? He doesn’t want to burden you and sometimes doesn’t know how to communicate his feelings I guess.

Now for the wedding…I can see it being a destination wedding at a very nice beach to be honest. The honeymoon would be some sort of tour d’europe or something like this. He wants to visit the world with you and explore different cultures that’s why. Just like nanami, your house will have some kind of coffee and reading corner. Since he has a man cave you’ll have a room reserved for your hobbies. Artem loves surprising you with breakfast every morning. I can see him setting up the living room ceiling to represent the stars at your wedding day when they light up…Abd finally, the grandma has bragging rights.

[katyspersonal]

I've had that strange dream over two years ago, that there was a large egg and people believed a white dragon would hatch from it, including me. But turned out that instead some strange creature hatched, it was a kind of a bear but bigger and monstrous, and with armors and spikes basically built into it. Could pass for a pоkemon tbh.

And everyone was scared of it a lot, saying that unfortunately confusing eggs of this type of monster for the noble dragon ones was a reoccurring mistake. I remember there was a lot of hatred, whispering and advising to stay away from it, or killing it before it could kill anyone else. I remember being scared too, but I wanted to give it a chance for.. I didn't know what, exactly. I just decided to stick around despite risk of being killed and eaten by it, as this type was known for "biting the hand that feeds it" as they called it. I recall struggling with it sometimes, and how much other people feared and hated me seeing me walk with it by my side so casually, how everyone kept running away and if they tried to kill us, it would defend us. But above all what struck was when at some point, the way I was guiding ended at the staircase to the rooftop that seemed to be abnormally large, because when the beast got up there it turned into a regular bear. Like, just normal bear. Animal. Without any features of the alien monster or anything. And all aggression was gone from it! It just ran off to live with various other (also normal) animals, and I just let it go and woke up right after.

I always wondered what that dream meant, and especially recently. Most of other animals at the "rooftop" were herbivores and yet I knew predators, including this bear, would not need to eat other animals, or be otherwise burdened by vital needs in this place. Sounds like Heaven. But I also wondered if that dream was representing him.. He associated his image with a white dragon earlier in life, before society grinded him and threw away what was left to die; something I did not know at the time I saw that dream. Heck, when I saw that dream I did not even know as much as that almost year later they'd come to lynch us for the """awful sin""" of association, let alone this! And the last time I saw him, he was very normal. Just... so peaceful, so healthy, all of a sudden. Just chatting about his interest with the new friends/audience that suddenly appeared. No more hostility, no more hatred or pain.. something I also selfishly didn't want to see, because in turn he boasted about how easily he forgot me, like it all was just a bad dream. It seems unrealistic that I of all people somehow played role in "guiding" him to happiness. According to him, I was only holding him back and stressing him out.. but if I've learned anything, is that sometimes the real meaning of events is not instantly obvious, or nobody might even learn the truth in their whole life.

After all I was only guiding the way, nothing in the dream implied shared happiness. The way it was weirdly prophetic sure makes me paranoid. Especially how I did not go to "Heaven" too. What did happen was the sense of completing the 'task' and being free now. I don't know what my job in this life is, exactly, but it is 100% not 'being happy'. When I feel safe and alive, I know that very soon something I can not control or prevent will destroy this light. Though if this is true and my purpose is to just "show the way", even if not knowingly, instead of having my own, I'd be happy. All better than being useless.

[sanasanakun]

My Theory on Season 5′s Ending

My friends convinced me to write out the theory I’ve been mulling over since season 4 ended in July. I’m not a hundred percent on the specifics but according to them it sounds reasonable enough. And also, I think documenting it could be fun! If just to compare with the actual ending later. Note: these are my own thoughts, but I welcome discussion if anyone wants to share their own ideas!

Ok, now let’s dive in. I firmly subscribe to Eleven somehow being “made” by Henry. She doesn’t necessarily have to be his daughter, but somehow she is related to him, be it by DNA or blood or whatever. Sci-Fi stuff lol But if you ask me (which you technically are since you are reading this), I believe he is her biological father. “Boo!! That’s not canon! Suspicious Minds confirmed her real father!” people scream in the back. Yeah, I don’t care. 

The canon presented in Suspicious Minds is questionable to me. Firstly, I’m not sure how “canon” those books are considered. And second, it easily could be an unreliable narrator situation. Terry Ives was drugged during much of duration in Papa’s experiments (forgot the name of them lol). She so easily could have been artificially inseminated during that time. And yes, artificially inseminated. I don’t believe Henry actually had sex with her or an actual relationship of any kind with her. 

Ok, so Eleven is Henry’s child. Now, why does that matter to my theory? Let’s move onto the topic of time. A lot of imagery associated with time comes up in season 4. Henry is particularly hyper fixated on clocks and perhaps the actual concept of time itself. There is also the reveal that the Upside Down is stuck in 1983, presenting us with another time related theme. 

I believe that time will play a major role in season 5 and that Eleven will be sent back in time at some point in the season. Specifically, I think it will be revealed that Will’s power can manipulate time itself and that he is responsible for the time freeze in the Upside Down. Will and Henry are parallels to each other, so it would make sense if Will also was associated with the concept of time. 

Now, where will Eleven be sent? This is where I get a little shaky on the details. Maybe this is where we will see more of Henry’s life in the lab as a test subject and early orderly days. Maybe this is where it will be revealed she is his daughter? I’m not entirely sure, but what I do land on is that she will be sent back to Henry’s time in the Creel house. Specifically, I think she will see what Virginia Creel did to Henry, and this is where that final piece of Henry’s background will be unlocked. 

From this point, I think Eleven and Henry will have some sort of a conversation. Maybe it will be the in the empty, black space, maybe not. I think it will be emotional. And I think Eleven is going to kill Henry here, and therefore, kill herself by erasing him from the future timeline.  

I’m really not one to think that Henry will get a happy ending, but a bittersweet one. I almost don’t think he deserves a happy one (I love kids too much lol sorry H man, but you killed kids). But that’s besides the point. 

The Duffers have said that season 5 will explore if Henry has any “humanity left.” To me, and to most of you Henry Creel fans, it is obvious that Henry is brimming with humanity. He feels emotions so strongly that they swallow him. That is not a person without humanity, but I feel like the general audience did not see that. Therefore, it will really be ham-fisted in that he is a person that still is human with humane thoughts and feelings. He is a complicated individual. 

So, through Eleven’s interactions with him and what we see in this “go back in time” segment, we will get the full picture of Henry Creel and what made him who he was. And I will cry if this all happens because I feel like Eleven will be in so much pain making this decision of killing Henry (because I do think she still loves him as her brother deep down and is grateful for their time together) and herself, but would do it to save her friends and family. 

So, what happens if she does kill Henry and erases herself? Well, obviously the events of the story didn’t happen. I think maybe similar events would happen, for example, Will might still go missing. 

Now, my friend brought up a cursed version of this and said it’s possible Will would still go missing, but actually be found dead in the quarry instead of it just being a puppet like in the og timeline. I told her to fuck off because that would break my soul.

 But anyway, I think the “energy,” for a lack of a better term, from the previous universe would still be felt by the characters. Like they might feel nostalgia for something that never happened to them, etc. 

Overall, it would be very bittersweet and somber. That is the vibe I like the most in shows, especially with endings (I mean, Better Call Saul has my favorite ending of all time and hoo-boy that ending was bittersweet).  This also would bring all the characters that died back to life, but they might not be the people we have come to love because time will have been reset. I understand the grievances with “reset endings,” but if done well I do like them. 

I think Henry and Eleven are tied more than maybe even they truly know, so them dying together seems fitting to me. And Eleven is my favorite character in the god damn show so I don’t want her to die, but sometimes I have to make sacrifices lmao

Anyway, those are my very scrambled, badly written thoughts. I hope it made sense! And this probably won’t end up happening, but it is fun to theorize! I have a lot of other little thoughts that tie into this theory like with Kali coming back and more, but just don’t have time to write them out right now. Maybe later!

[victqry]

{kim dong-young, twenty-five, he/him} KAINE JANG KIHYUN is a STYGIAN EXECUTIVE (POKEMON RANGER) from the KANTO REGION. they’ve been a stygian member for THREE MONTHS, sometimes you can find them making poké puffs for their team. their partner pokemon is METANG. [elle, 22, she/her, gmt+10, none]

BACKGROUND;

was born in saffron city, with unimpressive parents and a boring childhood

always found it a little difficult to form a connection with others; perhaps they found him too competitive or assertive, but either ways, he figured he didn’t need them too so it all worked out

self-reliant and calm, especially in the most dire of situations, because he knows trusting someone other than himself will only lead to disaster; others were too slow, so he only had himself

his first encounter with team stygian would be through a battle with a grunt, easily defeating him and that’s when he first hears of the team

naturally, his interest was piqued and ends up being recruited as a grunt

was introduced to the workings of the team; lacklustre at best to him at first, but it paid him decently so he wasn’t complaining

he likes the existence of shadow pokemons though; if the other trainers weren’t strong enough to protect their pokemon, then they didn’t deserve them

after a while, he ended up getting really involved in the team’s affairs, mainly the identity of the boss, and realised that he wanted to unmask who citrine really was. but to do that, he would first have to become an executive, then an admin

so, he does what he has to, ends up being promoted to an executive two months later due to his ‘outstanding’ performance and is on the track to becoming an admin soon - as long as he keeps it up, and no one gets in his way, he’ll meet citrine soon, and who knows what might happen after that

PERSONALITY;

might appear carefree or happy-go-lucky to strangers but there’s this sort of unspoken quiet confidence about him (and an undeniable air of dispassion about things that don't involve him)

deep down, he prioritises himself, so while he might entertain you at the start, if you show no use to him, he wouldn’t hesitate to ignore or avoid you

he is usually quite compassionate towards pokemons; it is weak trainers he despises. his mindset is simple: if your pokemon respects and loves you, at the very least, you should train them well so they don't ever get hurt or lose

so, he looks down on trainers who don’t train their pokemon well and as a result, if you end up losing to him, he just might mock or spite you a little (eg. “you don’t deserve your pokemon.” “they’d be better off with me.” “at least i wouldn’t let them get hurt.”)

as for his position in team stygian, he might be new, but the grunts and executives are aware of how fast he has made a name for himself and his steady climb up the ranks. he’s aiming for the top spot everyone, and he’s not afraid to make enemies in order to get that (so watch out)

TEAM;

METANG (STEEL/PSYCHIC) - level 39 STEELIX (STEEL/GROUND) - level 37 LAIRON (STEEL/ROCK) - level 37 SCIZOR (BUG/STEEL) - level 36 SKARMORY (STEEL/FLYING) - level 35

CONNECTIONS;

friends (or somewhat positive relations at the very least): poke puff enthusiasts, someone he can be a mentor too, someone that can mentor him - try to lead him in the right direction y’know, complete opposites but it somehow manages to work

enemies: can be people in team stygian, or just trainers he doesn’t respect, can even be people he accidentally pissed off just by being himself

one-sided: maybe someone he associates himself with because of the good rep you give him, or someone that he finds easy to manipulate for his own benefit

[thoughtsfrommareincognitum]

The girl who fell to Earth.

"One day, I'll come out of my shell, I'm sure," says Aldous Harding. She does not seem to be speaking to anyone in particular; her words seem directed mostly at herself. A few minutes later, she repeats those exact words as if she hasn't said them before. Aldous Harding—real name Hannah Harding; her stage name is presumably taken from the author of Brave New World and even now produces a brief mental ripple of confusion every time I say it out loud—is from New Zealand, and this is the second time I have seen her. My dear friend Andi is with me; this is the third time she's seen her. Harding is just that sort of singer, the kind you wish you could see every year.

Harding is playing at a small Phoenix lounge, but I keep feeling I'm back in the early '90s, a time I am increasingly persuaded was the last truly magical time I've lived through. Hints are everywhere: Something about the solemn, ghostly atmosphere reminds me of the setting of Nirvana's Unplugged; the red curtains that frame the band, meanwhile, are straight out of Twin Peaks. This is just a daydream, of course, not rooted in any kind of reality outside my own head, but that sort of free association seems perfectly suited to the world of Aldous Harding, who seems to have one foot in the world and one foot out of it. She walks the stage with the dreamy deliberateness of a creature moving underwater.

This venue couldn't be better suited to her. Thus my annoyance at the fellow about six feet in front of me who keeps bobbing back and forth like he's at a different type of concert; thus the audience's growing and palpable disdain for the people who keep shouting things at Harding, "You rock!" and that sort of thing. Like they're trying to be helpful. While it works at some shows, it seems grotesquely inappropriate here because Harding doesn't respond. She gazes out at the crowd with a peculiar expression—part curiosity, part revulsion—every time someone yells something. Finally she explains, in halting words that won't quite form themselves into full sentences, that talking to the audience distracts her from the music.

There is something alien about Harding, a primal otherness that leaps out of her deepest self and seems to shape every movement she makes, every syllable she forms. You wonder if she would be just as happy without an audience. She rolls her eyes, grins, grimaces, makes faces that seem to have nothing to do with what she is singing. After one song she stares at us with unnerving intensity for a long time, like a sailor who's spotted a storm on the horizon. It's hard to imagine her living in a house, like other people; I picture her tending a small garden on an asteroid, like the Little Prince.

In the last match he ever played, Bobby Fischer insisted that a soundproof glass wall separate him and the crowd; his fragile mind couldn't tolerate the sound of regular people making their revolting noises. Harding seems to be retreating in front of our eyes into her simple but, often, unfathomably strange songs, which she sings with a feral intensity that belies her voice, a serene and stable instrument that could easily have been used for much more ordinary purposes.

After a while you start to notice everything else—the drummer who, at one point, pulls out a trumpet and toots on it a bit; the piano player who every so often stands up to give Harding a turn at the keys. She moves from instrument to instrument, now standing, now sitting, smiling harder the more deeply she is allowed to plunge into the music; somehow she seems more of a star the further she pulls back into herself. She sings about birds a lot, and perhaps that's apt; birds are near us one second and gone the next, friendly and solitary, alert and still, the only surviving members of an ancient family that once ruled the world. So it is with this visitor from another world, who eventually will leave the stage without a word.

[maya-matlin]

What are all of your favorite and least favorite Degrassi episodes and why?

Season 11:

Favorites:

(1) Cry Me a River: This episode calls back to Degrassi's consistent theme of being unafraid of making regular characters the villains for the sake of realism and the lesson hitting harder. Dave is a controversial character for both valid and completely unfair (okay, mostly unfair because of racism) reasons. For a lot of his time on the show, Dave is caught up in upholding masculinity and has a preconceived idea of what that looks like. So, he doesn't want to be associated with nerds when he wants to be the cool jock. He can't be seen playing a gay role because even though he has a girlfriend, what will people think of him? When Dave is confronted with Adam, a trans man, he doesn't understand and allows his own ignorance to overtake any logic or compassion. But by the end of the episode, Dave realizes he's been an asshole. He offers Adam a genuine apology. Not only that, but he educates himself. This is the episode that ends up kickstarting their friendship. To be honest, some of Degrassi's past bigoted characters probably got off way too easily for their bad behavior. Spinner outed Marco and bullied him in the aftermath of his coming out. While Spinner makes amends with Marco and comes to be comfortable with Marco's sexuality to the point he sets him up with Dylan, we don't really see the learning or the true turning point for Spinner. It was somehow worse with Bianca. She's the one that outed Adam, called him a transphobic slur, and is indirectly involved in the hate crime her friends committed against him. Later, Bianca's behavior is reduced to the fact she refused to ballroom dance with Adam. That's literally the only thing she apologizes for, and the only thing Drew and Audra reference when debating whether or not Drew should be dating Bianca. I rambled, but what I mean to say is that Degrassi really got it right with this story line. I wish this episode or at least its A plot got more love. Sadly, it's mostly remembered for Dave's previous transphobic behavior and not him becoming an ally and a true friend to Adam by the end of the story line.

(2) Dirt Off Your Shoulder: It always surprises me how many Eli episodes I actually enjoy, but somehow I like them without liking his character. When it's focused more on Eli's personal struggles such as his mental health with his relationship with Clare mostly off to the side, it works. Eclare truly brings them both down. A lot of what happens in these episodes is set up for later stuff with Love Roulette, but Eli's decision to go off his meds is very real and makes a lot of sense based on his mindset on the time. I don't even know. Eli and Imogen were always the more interesting pairing to me even as a non-shipper, so I like that this is when their romance/friendship starts. KC starts growing closer to Marisol and actively making the decision to stray from Jenna to pursue something easier with Marisol. There's definitely a theme where the characters with the primary focus make decisions that are going to make them worse or cause more trouble down the line. I struggle to apply this to Riley and can't say I love that subplot, but it was definitely a choice for Riley to choose his family over Zane. We hate to see it and in some ways it feels like regression, but it's a very real decision a lot of people in the same position would make. It only serves to remind me how underwritten Riley was during his time on the show. I know Argiris wasn't the best actor, but they could have gone so much deeper.

(3) Lose Yourself: This is undoubtedly Jenna's best episode. It's the one that officially marks the end of much more happy-go-lucky, somewhat shallow Jenna and the beginning of mature, selfless Jenna. After giving birth to her son, she's forced to stay home alone with the baby. Not a lot is specified about what Jenna is feeling and what it all means, but it's implied she has postpartum depression. KC helps financially, but he's not around emotionally and has completely checked out because he doesn't want to be a teen dad. Jenna tries in vain to be a normal teen alongside having the responsibility of raising her kid, but it doesn't work out. It's just depressing seeing both Jenna and KC forced to deal with such serious, depressing issues at only sixteen. The decision to give Tyson up for adoption is kind of inevitable, but it's still sad to see them come to that conclusion. I feel like I explained all of this badly, but I genuinely think it's one of the strongest A plots from seasons 10-12.

(4) Extraordinary Machine: This is another solid Eli episode. It ends in a pretty dramatic fashion because that's Eli for you, but I also think it's very emotional. I don't love Eli still pursuing Clare and masterminding to literally get Jake out of her life, but the point is at least that his plans go horribly wrong. He doesn't get the girl. No matter how many times he rewrites his play, he's never satisfied. I don't root for him specifically, but objectively Eli's been through a lot and is currently in a dark place. I like that Eli finally hits a breaking point and realizes that he needs to heal and take care of himself. But in all honesty, I think my favorite story line in this episode is KC and Jenna's. KC starts off in a similar place he's been in all season. He means well, but he mostly thinks about himself and his needs. KC doesn't want to be a dad, but more than that he doesn't want to be a deadbeat dad like his own. There's only so much screen time or discussion this gets, but KC resists and resists until he comes to terms with giving Tyson up for adoption being the right decision. The final montage where Kenna says goodbye to their baby is devastating. The message about how love isn't always enough is impactful, and a very good note to end the story line on. I just wish the same had happened with Eclare because the show basically gives them the fairy tale narrative from the time they get back together in season 12 all the way through their final episode. Anyways.

(5) Take a Bow: I don't know that I can explain why I love this episode so much. Focusing more attention on a non-graduating character in the graduation episode that's going to continue appearing on the show instead of one that will soon be leaving will always be somewhat controversial, but I think it worked here. Fiona was part of the graduating class, but because she didn't pass the year she's forced to watch her friends and classmates start the next chapter of their lives without her. Fiona, at least until her second senior year, is known for being codependent and struggling with her emotions at the slightest inconvenience. I've seen theories about Fiona having BPD or something else related to her mental health and I kind of believe it. It was a missed opportunity not to explore that, but I assume the writers had earmarked Eli as the character who was going to have recurring mental health problems and focused mostly on the alcoholism as a result? Regardless, addiction story lines on Degrassi have been pretty consistently unrealistic. Peter did meth and managed to permanently recover. Miles's pill addiction was revolved fairly quickly. Anya's coke use was never confirmed to have been a full blown addiction. Craig's drug addiction wasn't shown from his perspective, but there's never any indication he relapsed or had much of a struggle following his stint in rehab. Katie wasn't shown struggling after returning from rehab in terms of craving pills. Zoe and Jonah were former addicts. In Zoe's case, her relapse was the first time we found out she'd had a problem in the past. It never comes up again from season 14-Next Class. Jonah adhered to a straight edge lifestyle to resist temptation, but he was almost exclusively used as a love interest character, robbing us from seeing him as a real, complex person. Fiona was the exception to this. We were able to see her: abuse alcohol, go through periods where she seemed to be doing better, relapse back into drinking, go to rehab, come out of rehab a stronger person with coping mechanisms, relapse yet again and willingly send herself back to rehab, presumably kick the habit for good and finish her character development now a more independent person. I don't even know. I love Fiona. I hardly have anything to say about the subplots, but I mostly liked where Anya's character ended up and that she succeeded in joining the army. I wish Owen wasn't part of that, but they had to fit the actor in somehow. The graduation still managed to be memorable and emotional in spite of the fact it felt more like a background event in Fiona's story line. I liked the little touches such as Riley reaffirming to his mom that he's gay and will be out in college.

(6) Dead and Gone: Unpopular opinion, I actually like the gang story lines on this show. Or at the least, I like the potential of them and the times when you see the effects of gang life on characters like Bianca and Zig. The show could have delved much deeper into their perspectives and done it with more consistency, but it is what it is. This is ostensibly Drew's plot. After a season of Drew struggling with his PTSD and doing all he can to feel in control again, he's finally able to physically confront and fight Vince. But in the end, none of it mattered. Violence didn't keep Vince away. Adam still got shot. It's Bianca who is the emotional center of the episode. Questionable handling of her past with Adam aside, Dead and Gone Bianca is the best version we've seen of Bianca up to this point. She's become much more selfless, kind, and is starting to leave her old life behind. But when confronted with Vince and reminded that she's trapped no matter what she does, Bianca is tempted to continue perpetuating the cycle of violence. Drew is thankfully there to talk her down, and it reinforces the strong connection the two of them still have. The Bianca/Audra bond starts here. I honestly love it.

(7) Smash Into You: This episode is kind of a mixed bag because of how over the top a character Jacinta like is, but in all fairness that's from Dave's perspective. Mostly, this is an episode where Dave truly learns and comes to terms with holding himself accountable. Jacinta wasn't completely in the right and crossed a boundary by showing up and literally stealing Dave's phone, but points were made that Dave broke off their fling without any regard for her feelings. Based on how Dave behaves and how he pursues Alli, Jacinta didn't mean anything to him beyond sex. Jacinta ending up with a physical injury with the implication she could be end up permanently paralyzed is kind of the physical representation of her emotional pain, if that makes sense. Much like Dave has to cope with the fact his actions led to her mental state which led to her accident, he has to acknowledge her emotional pain. Dave is a super underrated character and this episode is a major reason why I like him so much. I love Mo and Marisol in this episode. The premise is kind of silly, but I'm honestly happy with it only because it led to their relationship. I can't speak as much on Adam's plot. I personally like it, but the ending being that Adam is "passing" has understandably been criticized. Whether or not Adam can pass for a cis man doesn't say anything about the validity of the way he presents himself to the world, but I guess what's important is that Adam himself was happy about it.

(8) Hollaback Girl: Bianca has always been one of my favorites, so any episode that least partially focuses on how far she's come and just trying to find happiness is going to be one I enjoy. The Bianca/Katie dynamic in this episode is very interesting. Based on the way the characters present themselves and how each was introduced, you expect Bianca to be the interloper with only bad intentions. But in actuality, it's Katie who has hardened up and become more selfish due to her pill addiction to the point she uses Bianca to find a new drug connection. Even when Katie overdoses, she attempts to place the blame on Bianca for pointing the dealer out to her. I like that despite Bianca having sympathetic reasons for being selfish, she still chooses to rise above and sacrifice Drew for the time being. Plus, Drianca <3 Their chemistry was never better.

Least favorites:

(1) Don't Panic: To me, this was a weird introduction to Katie and Marisol's friendship. Not only that, but it's not really the plot to give either character to make the audience invest in them. It came across like the writers were really counting on us rooting for Katie and Katie/Drew kind of on Marisol's back? Katie was acting secretive and not being direct about the fact she was involved with Drew, but we're meant to think Marisol is the bad guy for being upset about the dishonesty. Then, Marisol outs Katie's eating disorder and yet it's kind of quickly forgiven by the end of the episode. All in all, I don't understand how I'm meant to feel about any of the characters by the end of the plot. Then there's Sav and Ms. Oh. I can overlook a lot of things on this show that I don't like, but romanticizing their teacher/student relationship was an unforgivably bad move. It was tonally off and didn't even feel like the same show. Sav ends up taking the blame for everything, and Ms. Oh lets him do it. It's suggested Sav has done something heroic and then he GETS HER PHONE NUMBER so that he can call her after graduation. What the fuck? As I've already said multiple times, I can't stand Eli and don't like it when he's linked to Clare in any way. Due to the other two plots pissing me off to the extent they do, Eli butting into Cake's drama and pressuring Jake to forgive him is the least of my issue with the episode. But it's still not fun to watch.

(2) Nowhere to Run: I know a lot of this episode was for fun and not meant to be taken seriously, but I feel like a lot of bullshit that went down in this episode added unnecessary drama that I wasn't a fan of. I don't detest Clare and Jake's relationship the way most people do and was mostly glad to see them back together, but in the long run it seems so pointless to do the first breakup at all just to get them back together so they can break up AGAIN. It was literally back and forth for like six straight episodes. I'm not sure if Dave's cheating and his breakup with Alli was to make it okay for Alli to kiss Jake, for the Jacinta story line or both, but it bums me out that their relationship was trashed so early on when up to that point it had been Alli's strongest and healthiest relationship by a mile. And finally, I don't like that Alli kissed Jake. I feel like all of the blame for the friendship fallout inexplicably gets placed on Clare and that somewhat bothers me. Clare being a little dismissive before she knew Dave cheated doesn't make it fine for Alli to kiss Clare's recent ex? But then, Clare isn't being entirely fair and hears Jake out but not Alli. It's just a lot. I won't say these moments are necessarily out of character or unbelievable, but they don't feel organic to me. It's giving #ThisCouldBeUsButYouPlayin. The writers have plans for Z to happen, so X and Y have to happen first regardless of the weak execution. The Clare/Alli friendship deserved better. If they had to fall out over something, I wish it had been more than contrived bullshit that happened in one episode. When you think about the friendship breakups between Emma and Manny and Spinner and Jimmy, it's just kind of embarrassing and indicative of how much the show was prioritizing romantic relationships.

(3) Not Ready to Make Nice: This is pretty much just about the A plot. Clare's story line is all over the place. I understand the family problems and needing a break from living at home and how it ties in to feeling rejected by her dad. But then, it seems like she's joining a cult. Only, it's not really a cult. Just a house full of teenagers forced to sell weed to make money. Then the cops conveniently bust in, making a move to arrest the drug dealers, right after Clare moves in. It felt like the episode had no idea what it wanted to be. The absurdity of it all takes away from what could be a pretty compelling personal plot for Clare. Then, they had to tack on the "I never thought about how great it would be to have a brother" scene that takes place exactly four episodes after Clare and Jake nearly slept together just to move the story along. Even if they weren't meant to be together and their relationship was done forever, it's just bizarre to try to force a sibling bond when they were recently in a pretty serious relationship.

Season 12:

Favorites:

(1) Got Your Money: To be honest, a lot of the reason I adore this episode is because of Zig. There aren't that many episodes where he gets the main focus. But even beyond that, this is the first time we truly got to know Zig as more than someone's love interest. On the surface, it's just a story line about a poor kid wanting to impress his girlfriend. I won't pretend like there's tons and tons of depth to it, but I also think this episode gives us a lot of insight into Zig and how he views himself. He isn't a naturally confident person. Even though his background shouldn't define his worth as a person, it's clear Zig himself believes he's inferior to people who have more money. The crux of his problem with Tori is that he fears that if she gets to know him, she won't like him anymore. Again, it's about his financial situation, but a recurring problem with Zig in the majority of his relationships is that he doesn't feel good enough. It's most prominent with Maya because she's by far his most significant and lasting love interest, but there are shades of it with Tori and Esme as well. Zig doesn't grow out of these insecurities. They follow him pretty much to his last episode, but this is the first time Zig allows someone to truly know him. Even if it's a Zori thing, it's still important.

(2) Say It Ain't So: I feel like episode was peak Alli and the pinnacle of Alli's character development. Her writing during the rest of season 12 and throughout her next two seasons wasn't all bad. It's just.. Alli prioritizing her education over a guy regardless of how much she loves him is a very good ending. It's kind of a consequence of keeping Melinda Shankar on the show when Alli going to MIT would have been a satisfying ending for her. Again, I'm not mad about it, but I do think it was a missed opportunity. Looking towards seasons 13 and 14, Alli was mostly given relationship plot lines where she was mistreated AGAIN and otherwise was pushed into the background. While I acknowledge the Leo thing was different and that domestic abuse can happen to anyone, it also sort of felt like, "Really? We're doing this to Alli again?" I hate to use the term "punching bag" in this context because it's so tasteless, but after a while it felt very pointed. Plus, I LOVE that Alli was leaning towards abortion. Due to the fact Degrassi was still airing on the channel that formerly banned Accidents Will Happen and was now seen as synonymous with shows like iCarly, no way in hell were they going to go there. But just the fact Alli seemed prepared to do it at all was a strong moment, IMO. I don't have a lot to say about the subplots, but I really liked Cam's. I obviously can't relate to being a talented hockey player who is guaranteed to end up in the NHL, but I do relate to social anxiety and how difficult it is to fit in. I think that's one reason why the character of Cam resonated with a lot of people. There were little moments that felt so painfully real.

(3) Waterfalls: This is an episode and a story line that has only gotten better for me with time. When I first watched the episode and the occasional times I watched it since then, it was always sad and heartbreaking to watch Clare be violated by someone she trusted. But now that I'm older, it all just hits differently. The way Asher manipulates Clare. The double checking to make sure she isn't telling anyone about the boundaries he's been crossing. The way it all gets turned into essentially a DARVO situation where the vulnerable teenage girl who is a subordinate to this powerful man becomes accused of being obsessed. Because society loves to pile on and make it the girl's or woman's fault. To me, Degrassi fucking nailed this story line and it deserves WAY more credit than it gets. It still hurts to revisit, but I consider that a compliment. It hurts because it's accurate to what happens in real life.

(4) Rusty Cage: It's always impressive when Degrassi successfully makes you care about a character practically right out of the gate, and that's something they managed with Cam. Presumably because Cam was never supposed to last past season 12 and there were plans in place for his eventual departure, they knew they had to go into detail about Cam and the way his mind worked while they still had him. While I personally think a little more could have been done to make the character more fleshed out, I think we saw just enough of Cam and his struggles to understand why he eventually ends his life half a season later. It's sad to watch him suffering in silence and get so close to having his depression and negative feelings exposed only for him to keep them buried. So sadly, he covers his wounds with Band-Aids rather than allowing them to heal. The thing is, you can't even blame him. It can be hard to open up and express vulnerability, particularly when you think other people are counting on you to always be strong and successful. Season 12 is one of those seasons that really packs a punch for me. And obviously, KC's departure is sad and unnecessary. As glad as I am to see his final character development and see that KC has now become a far more selfless, mature person, it sucks to lose the character when it feels as though there's still potential to explore his character further. While the Drew/Fiona plot isn't nearly as emotional or well written, it's a fun little levity plot that brings them closer as roommates and friends.

(5) Never Ever: There are some episodes that are mostly carried for me by the A plot, and this is one of them. I definitely don't care about Katie's love triangle. I don't have a lot to say about this episode. It's a rare look into Imogen's home life and possibly how she ended up with some of the traits she has. We see that Imogen's dad is eccentric and the person in her life that inspires and appreciates her creativity. Before we know the full story and even after, it's a very sweet dynamic. Imogen being forced to deal with her dad's dementia is heartbreaking to watch. You see how much she became the adult in some ways after her parents' divorce and that she's used to being able to care for her dad. I also like everything with Imogen's mom and Imogen's complex feelings about what she perceives as abandonment. It bothers me a lot that this plot line was pretty much dropped after season 12. 99% of Imogen's story lines in seasons 13 and 14 were related to love triangles and relationships. It's unbelievable that the writers kept Imogen around for two more seasons only to ignore her best plotline. Also, Beckdam starts here and they're very cute together.

(6) Sabotage: This is a complicated episode that I feel somewhat gets derailed in part two, but what works about it really works. This is basically the follow up to Clare's sexual harassment story line. In a very Clare manner, she's handling what happened to her in a very pragmatic way and searching for other women who will willingly testify against Asher. But after hitting multiple setbacks, she ends up self destructing and getting drunk with Dallas. In what is probably Dallas's lowest moment (at least in my opinion), he makes a move on a vulnerable, drunk (for the very first time) Clare. Her response to this combined with his presumed guilt in destroying the greenhouse is to target him so that she find some justice somewhere. Clare isn't entirely sympathetic here, but it's understandable that she just wants a win even if it's not the one she needs most. In terms of the second half, sadly I feel it becomes much more about Eclare and Eli's reaction to Clare's harassment. The heart of the story is taken away once it becomes about how #Eclare will prevail. That being said, the loft fight is one of the most iconic and memorable scenes of the show. No notes. 10/10. Also, Drew is a mess and spending his money in a very immature way until he realizes what's most important to him: settling down with Bianca. There are plenty of reasons why getting engaged is a bad idea, but I love them and think their relationship is very endearing. Especially in season 12.

(7) Scream: This is an episode where I feel like all of the plots are interwoven together really well. Everything is at least tangentially connected to the opening night of Romeo and Jules. Eli just wants the musical to go off without a hitch. But in fighting to preserve the musical, he realizes he can no longer be the same guy who romanticizes tragedy and should instead look forward and find healthier ways to deal. That doesn't last considering season 14 Eli's ugly turn, but season 12 Eli was him at his best and most tolerable for me. Becky finally turns over a new leaf and begins to rebel against her parents and overlook the learned homophobia in favor of putting love and acceptance first. This pushes her closer to Adam, culminating in a sweet hug. Clare finally gets a real win after floundering and coming very close to planting naked photos of herself out of sheer desperation. It doesn't hit quite the same way as Sabotage and is still too Eclare centric. I also just resent Katie being there, but if I can shut off the Katie/Drew past it's nice to have someone around to validate and support Clare. Tristan's first kiss plot is endearing to me. Admittedly, I'll always kind of wish Zig had been his first kiss instead of Tori because I naively was like 99% sure it would go in that direction. But I guess it's still sweet. All in all, a good mid-season finale.

(8) Doll Parts: This is the true beginning of Zaya. That's honestly reason enough for me considering they went on to be my #1 favorite couple, but I have other reasons. I genuinely love Maya's story line even outside of romance and which guy she's going to end up with. Ever since Maya's first season, she's felt like she's behind people her age and not attractive enough to be noticed. Even though Cam means well and is navigating things for the first time much like Maya is, the fact he's not very physically affectionate or open about things like attraction means he isn't making Maya happy. But because we know Cam is struggling with his mental health, we have some extra insight into why Cam isn't outwardly appreciating Maya that Maya doesn't have and Cam isn't communicating to her. Then, there's Tori and her rivalry with Maya. From day one, they were in romantic competition over Zig. Their friendship became much more solid and mutual in season 12, but those insecurities and doubts were clearly brewing under the surface. Tori had repeatedly made it clear that she valued Maya's talent. In one episode, she says she'd trade her physical attributes (okay, boobs) for a fraction of Maya's talent. Because Tori is so underwritten, not a lot of time is spent on her self worth or how she looks to things like beauty pageants for validation. But by the end of the episode, Tori genuinely tries to make amends and make it clear how much she values Maya and sees her beauty. In all honesty, Zig and his motivations are probably the least defined. We don't know exactly why his affections switch from Tori to Maya, but Got Your Money in particular showcased the friendship between Zig and Maya and how well the two of them are able to communicate. What's notable to me is that it would have been very easy to make it clear Zig's feelings change explicitly when Maya gets her pageant makeover. But instead, the first time Zig sees Maya all dressed up, she's a mess.

He tells her when she's crying and looks her worst that she's talented enough to "slay those other girls." Every time Zig builds Maya up during both parts of the episode, nothing is ever specifically about her new look or how she's now desirable and "sexy enough". Later, it seems to be Maya's confidence on stage that convinces Zig to go after her.

This isn't an entirely sweet and pure thing. Zig has a girlfriend and Maya has unfinished business with Cam. It's the absolute wrong time for him to be making a move and there's no way in hell they're getting together at the end of the episode. But, this is the beginning of all the back and forth and the romantic arc that's going to take until season 14 to resolve itself. I didn't mean for this to get so long, but I have no self control when it comes to this ship. In subplot land, there's Adam joining the volleyball team and getting closer to going on testosterone. After multiple seasons of Audra struggling to accept her son's desire to transition, finally she makes her peace with it and agrees to start talking about it. It's just nice to see how far they've come as mother and son. Mo and Marisol's plot is underrated. On the surface, it seems silly for Marisol to assume Mo is using drugs, but at the heart of it Marisol is insecure about the fact Mo keeps things from her when she's made herself vulnerable with him. Everything she does only proves how much she loves Mo. So it's a surprisingly sweet story line.

(9) Bitter Sweet Symphony: In some ways, this is the Time Stands Still of the later seasons. You have a character spiraling who reaches dark depths only for the ramifications to effect the surviving characters for seasons to come. But, Cam isn't a Rick. Cam is overall a good person who just wanted to be happy and to defeat his demons. The fact he's one of the few Degrassi characters who "doesn't make it through," ending on such a downer note is what makes his entire presence in season 12 feel so much bigger than it actually is. But in all honesty, I never think of this episode as Cam's. To me, it's all about Maya. And Dallas. It's very sad that Cam died and that his life ended before he could find out that your problems can get better, but it's nothing compared to how this tragedy followed Maya. Maya goes from being an open, happy, innocent person to a guarded, traumatized person who will never look at life the same way. Maya isn't the perfect picture of the grieving partner. She doesn't vow to inspire the world or to honor Cam's memory. She never acts as though she's lost the great love of her life. Maya loses Cam, and she's fucking angry about it. She can't understand how he could be so selfish and leave their relationship on such a sour, depressing note. Even when she starts to heal and get closure, I never get the feeling Maya entirely forgives Cam. It's as though her pain combined with how this event shifted her entire world makes it so that even the good memories don't give her comfort. On Dallas's end, he thought he was close to Cam and knew everything that was going on with "his boys". Being faced with the reality that Cam was crying out for help right in front of him and yet he not only missed it but potentially only worsened his pain devastates Dallas. There's honestly not an accurate way to describe it. All you have to do is watch Demetrius Joyette's performance in Bitter Sweet Symphony (2) to see what I mean. It's been eleven years and even now, his scenes give me chills. There are so many little things that the show did so well in this episode. We got to see the reactions of other characters who were less connected to Cam. Becky thought Cam committing suicide was selfish. Mo tried to make jokes. Tori reached out to Maya after previously having trouble voicing that she wanted to be her friend again. Fiona, after her fantastic development where she'd dealt with her own mental health, is the one to talk Dallas down at his darkest moment. It's all so great.

(10) Ray of Light: This is an episode that had to grow on me. Assuming someone actually reads this (and I hope they don't), you must be sick of me reiterating how much I dislike Eli while randomly enjoying several of his story lines. What can I say? Munro Chambers is talented, and the writers had a tendency to give him some of the best material. Even though I'll always disagree with Eli being the one to find Cam's body and feel it would have given another character an opportunity to get some focus, the fact is that Eli did find Cam. Because all of this tied into Eli feeling haunted by death and that this experience triggered his mental health, it's a surprisingly well done story line. I don't love the Eclare drama going on in the middle of this, but when do I ever? It's primarily a story line about Eli coping. Talking about this all again, I genuinely feel it was a mistake to bring his character back for seasons 13 and 14 for a number of reasons. Sometimes too much of a good thing is just that. Eli had a great run by Degrassi standards, and keeping him around solely for the Eclare fanservice wrecked both characters in the long run. Jenna and Connor got together in this episode and it was so, so cute.

(11) Zombie: Ugh, I love this episode. Story lines where Maya is kind of a disaster and falling apart are some of her strongest moments, and this one was no exception. Maya is functioning after Cam's death to a degree, but it's very obvious to the people closest to her that she isn't fine and is behaving out of character. I like how even though this is true, Maya pushes against the idea of reputation and feels trapped by the idea of how Maya, Cam's grieving ex, is supposed to act. As I said when breaking down Bitter Sweet Symphony, this is something that follows Maya throughout her entire run. On the surface, Maya finally crying and hitting a breaking point in her grief looks to be the end of it. But obviously, that wasn't the case at all. I'm still impressed by how consistently well written Maya's story was during season 13-Next Class. Also, Zaya. I have to mention them. The handholding scene will forever be their purest moment. "So I'll wait." <3 Zig is always the one able to bring out a genuine smile in Maya at her darkest moments. The Clew election plot is a lot of fun. You have two very opposite characters with zero history up to this point interacting and using each other's biggest insecurities as a way to get at each other. I like what this story line does for Drew. It's the beginning of his character growth. As much as I love Bianca and Drianca, some of my favorite Drew moments happen when he's away from her and figuring himself out post-engagement.

Least favorites:

(1) Come as You Are: This is a hard one to put here because I have so much nostalgia for season 12 and part of that includes the premiere. There are things I enjoy about this episode. But sadly, I have the same problem with this episode that I have with Talking in Your Sleep, Why Can't This Be Love and Love Lockdown. Yet again, Degrassi mishandled what was pretty clearly a rape situation. If we ever get Degrassi back, I hope this shit never happens again. I feel like I've ranted about this story line all over my blog, so I'll try to keep it short. Drew was forced to drink beer from a large trophy, came into that bedroom stumbling, looked dazed for part of his conversation with Katie, and later doesn't remember having sex with her. Katie is incredibly manipulative in the bedroom, outright telling Drew he has no right to make the choice to end their relationship entirely on his own. She is 100% sober. The writers later muddled up what happened by throwing in a concussion, but it doesn't change the fact Drew was too drunk to consent to sleep with anyone. Don't get me wrong. I'm upset and disgusted with all of the "accidental" rape story lines, but Drew's might be the most reprehensible to me because it's the one time that the victim was borderline treated as the bad guy and victim blamed for their own rape while we were expected to be sad for and hope for the rapist to find happiness again. Fuck that.

(2) Lovefool: This isn't even an episode that makes me mad. It's just underwhelming compared to nearly every other episode this season. I love Drianca, but their almost eloping story line is kind of silly. Plus, I feel like the character motivations got mixed up from where the story left off in Building a Mystery and this episode. Drew was supposed to be the one adamant on Audra not being in his life while Bianca had recently been trying to keep that relationship intact. Somehow, it ends with Drew kind of condescendingly explaining to Bianca how much better everything is with family involved. In terms of Katie's story line, it bugs me how the show kind of chickened out of letting Katie sleep with that guy. It's inappropriate and she would have undoubtedly regretted it, but Degrassi typically didn't shy away from darker aspects. So because nothing came of that, it just felt like an awkward way to break up Jake and Katie - a couple the writers' clearly loved even if I didn't. Really, the entire Katie plot was pointless. She literally lost her entire college fund gambling and there's just no follow up.

Season 13:

Favorites (So much of season 13 kind of blurs together for me. Even episodes that I like come up short compared to the best episodes from other seasons):

(1) Young Forever: This episode is so good that it's almost shocking that it comes from a block as terrible as 13A. Adam shouldn't have been killed off. I refuse to entertain any argument that acts as though the writers had to make that exact decision because they really didn't. That being said, the immediate aftermath of Adam's death and the mourning we see from the characters who loved him most was beautiful. It's hard to talk about specific plots and how the characters react or grow from it because the entire episode takes place in one day and is mostly moments rather than actual plots.

(2) Unbelievable: I remember seeing this episode and being blown away by the quality. So many of the episodes from season 13 featured story lines I wasn't all that into or heavily featured the same characters in practically every block at the expense of ones I was more interested in. Even though I don't entirely love some of the character focus in this one either, the scenes that are carried by Zoe are some of the best of the entire series. She comes across as so haunted during these episodes but trying her best to hold everything together. Zoe Rivas is not a victim. She's someone that needs to be in control of every situation. Granted, I don't think she ever actually is. Season 13 Zoe is someone who tries very hard to take control and get what she wants through bullying or putting down others. Her reputation means everything to her. Meaning, the entire school knowing about what she doesn't yet realize is her sexual assault is a nightmare. There are so many moments that humanize Zoe and show us she's much more than just the mean girl caricature. I think we got hints of this prior to these episodes, but it was never explored so thoroughly. I'll never forget the moment where Zoe's so close to giving up and just forgetting the entire thing even though she literally has Luke's confession. The fact Zoe specifically speaks up and calls Luke out after seeing him with Frankie, a girl she considers a friend and someone who JUST implied to Zoe to her face that she was asking to be assaulted.. I love it so much. Zoe's caring side gets overlooked so much these days, but even during her worst years she had good moments. On the Becky front.. I mean, it's another nightmare. You think you're just going to do a news story, gradually come to terms with the fact Zoe was victimized meaning the same thing could happen to you because you don't know how to drink responsibly or take care of yourself in that scenario, and then your brother and one of the few people in your family you feel has your back is the one who raped this girl. As much as this episode is about Zoe, in so many ways it's a lot more about Becky and how she always does what she believes is right even when it's difficult. I guess I should also praise Miles for standing up for Zoe and playing such a big role in the group of people who come together to support Zoe in the end. I don't really want to considering the events of Believe, though. Otherwise, this is yet another episode where you get absolutely honest reactions from even the most beloved characters. For people who don't know Zoe well, have only interacted with her briefly, or have just heard of her reputation, it's unsurprising that she'd "be involved" in something like this or they don't believe someone like her could be a victim.

(3) Everything Is Everything: Honestly, any season 13 episode with three plots I'm genuinely into is worth mentioning. There's typically at least one I don't like. But what makes this episode stand out above Army of Me which is essentially the same episode only with a different title because season 13 weird is that it's more introspective. A lot of the action and the racial profiling took place in Army of Me, so the next episode is Dallas's reaction to everything and how he's understandably pissed and struggling to cope with it. This episode perfectly demonstrates how far Dallas has come as a person. He's become much more thoughtful and reliable - someone Alli can count on. Even though I'd never call myself a shipper and feel Alli's healing over Leo was cut short to pair these two together, the moment where they became a couple is sweet. But the standout scene of the entire episode is for sure Dallas's conversation with Mr. Bhandari. Degrassi is heavily focused on white characters and because of this, there aren't very many occasions where there are significant scenes between POC characters on this level. As for the subplots, I love Clew. I don't even care. Clare's burgeoning feelings for Drew mixed with her desperation to feel better while being tied down by a dying relationship (fight me) is surprisingly effective. Drew is someone who made Clare happy and as controversial as their almost relationship was, it's always going to disappoint me that they weren't given a chance to date. Lastly, Tristan and Yates. I'm not sure how to explain why I enjoy the subplot, but it's a strong start to what is already becoming a grooming situation. Tristan story lines typically get reduced to him just wanting love and being willing to settle for toxicity and the bare minimum so he doesn't have to be alone. But in this case, it's clear there's more going on with the Milligan parents fighting. Off screen naturally, because season 13 was a disaster and only wanted to show the Hollingsworth pool set. When Tristan is let down by the adults in his life, a predator is able to weasel his way in and become someone Tristan automatically trusts and aims to please. The final scene of the plot is incredibly chilling with Zoe warning Tristan to "run as fast as he can" away from "Jim".

(4) Believe: This is without a doubt my favorite and (in my opinion) the best episode of the season. It's the follow up to Unbelievable and delves even deeper into Zoe's psyche as she prepares to testify against Luke and Neil. Zoe starts off feeling very confident and hopeful that she'll get the outcome she wants, but just like in the real world, things like victim blaming, misogyny and tabloid reporters make it difficult for Zoe to tell her story without being doubted. So eventually, Zoe reaches her lowest point emotionally, which leads to Zig entering the picture and being the one to talk her down. Zig was a criminally underwritten character in season 13, disappearing for half the episodes and then being used as Maya's potential bad boy love interest with not much else going on. 13D was slightly better in this regard with emphasis on Zig's attempts to leave gang life behind. This episode reveals Vince is the leader of the gang Zig is in, making us aware just how dark and dangerous the path he's on is. But again, there's not as much Zig as I would like. Mostly, he's relevant in this episode so that he can relate to Zoe and push forward whatever romantic relationship the writers considered pursuing at the end of this season. That being said, their scenes together are really powerful. It feels nice to see these two characters who have both had rough years bond and talk with someone who at least somewhat understands their struggle. I'll always love Zaya, but in this moment I at least get the appeal of Zig and Zoe together. Becky spends a lot of the episode very torn over what to do. While she initially felt very strongly about turning in her brother and doing what she could to help Zoe's case, pressure from her parents weighs on her. But in the end, Becky once again proves she'll always do what she knows is right even when it's the difficult decision. The guilty verdict is in equal parts an awesome moment for Zoe who finally gets the justice she deserves and a devastating blow to Becky who knows that things will never be the same. Also, Zoe's testimony <33 Romantic Matlingsworth ends forever in this episode which only adds to my enjoyment. It's honestly a shame Thunderstruck had to be the finale because I feel like this episode was much more powerful.

Least favorites:

(1-5) The majority of 13A, aka All I Wanna Do-Honey: I don't care that I'm cheating. There isn't a lot of depth to these episodes. This block of episodes is almost entirely devoid of anything worth mentioning or is horrible set up for story lines I never actually liked (Alli/Leo, Adam's death, Miles's love square with Maya, Zoe and Tristan). Clare has cancer for five minutes. There's a little bit of merit to that but just as it's getting started, she's in remission. Characters like Zoe and Miles who go on to be some of the better characters have a horrible introduction because everything is told from Maya's and Tristan's perspective. Alli falls for Leo very quickly with a lot of screen time being devoted to it, including the one plot where they halfway pretended it was about Jenna and Connor. They didn't even go to Paris. It's all filmed in front of a green screen. The rest of the story lines take place at Degrassi Day Camp where it's just "Adam and Imogen might get together". But then Adam fucking dies, making you wonder why they bothered. Totally off screen, Zig is getting pulled into a gang and is potentially becoming homeless. Didn't even warrant a two minute cameo. They legitimately wasted almost 1/4 of the season on nonsense.

(6-7) Who Do You Think You Are/Barely Breathing: I guess these episodes aren't objectively bad? I can appreciate showing the ups and downs of abuse through Alli. It's much better than the multiple episodes of nothingness that was most of 13A. But again, I don't love Alli's abuse story line. I understand it, but I disagree with giving it to Alli and think it's very easy to be less invested because you feel you've been down this road several times with another Alli relationship gone wrong. Or maybe that's just me LOL. As for the main plot, while I sympathize with Maya and hate to see her getting cyberbullied, ultimately I don't feel like the story line was executed well. Zoe feels like a very cartoonishly evil villain who has barely any characterization because most grade 10 plots are about Maya and Tristan. Even the actual cyberbullying doesn't feel real to me somehow. In Next Class, I feel like I understood the threat and the turmoil the gamers' harassment were putting Maya through. It all basically culminates in Miles playing hero and getting to redeem himself from calling Maya a slut by punching a guy and using his money to get Grace to track down Maya's cyberbully. In the end, it ends up feeling like a plot point to bring Maya and Miles together and to prolong the Maya/Zoe feud. The Drew/Dallas plot just pisses me off. Dallas is drinking and partying for reasons we're unaware of, but instead of following him through this it's considered more important for us to follow Drew. Drew, who is completely clueless for nearly the entirety of these two episodes. Dallas's struggle over being cut from the hockey team has no emotion behind it because we didn't see it happen, and he doesn't seem to care during any episode after this. Drew is just handed yet another plot from his perspective that he doesn't need.

(8) Black or White: This episode just makes me feel sorry for Drew and upset with everyone else. Winston's one sided rivalry with Drew comes completely out of nowhere and feels so unnecessarily hostile based on the lack of anything concrete we've seen. I guess Drew learned to be a better president and how to make better decisions for the student council, but I don't understand why that had to happen as a result of this specific scenario.

I feel like I'm being so generous with my season 13 least favorites. There are other episodes that would make my least favorite list had this been any other season, but the lows are so bad that I don't feel like talking about why an episode like You Oughta Know or Dig Me Out isn't one of my favorite episodes. Because they're miles ahead of the eight I just listed.

Season 14:

Favorites:

(1) Firestarter: Truthfully, I think I like part 2 of this episode significantly more than part 1. The lead up is mostly just "fine". I like seeing Clare start to prepare for single parenthood, but obviously that goes out the window when Eli barges back into her life in part 2. To me, Zoe is the stronger, more complex character in the Zoe/Frankie feud. It sucks to see Frankie scapegoated and I'm not exactly rooting for that to happen to her, but at the same time I feel that a lot of the Zoe/Frankie history was ignored to turn Frankie into the hero and Zoe into the villain (literally what's spelled out to us in the previous episode, Hero v.s. Villain). So because of this, the Frankie side of the story comes up feeling weaker for me. As ridiculous and horribly, horribly misguided as the Degrassi Nudes arc was, at the heart of it you just have a damaged girl struggling to prove to everyone that she's more than just a victim. I disagree with the ways she went about it and the manipulations to keep the girls under her thumb, but from Zoe's immature perspective she was reclaiming her body with a very loose grasp on the law. If this story line had carried over and had much relevance past early 14B, we probably would have seen more consequences. But because it didn't, we have to be satisfied with Zoe hitting a breaking point and having a change of heart re: confessing to being the mastermind behind Degrassi Nudes. It's not amazing, but it's the best early season 14 has to offer. As for Miles, he pretty much carries this episode and it's silly to pretend otherwise. I skipped over nearly the entirety of 14A, meaning I didn't get to talk about the things I liked about Miles' abuse story line. I have to give the Degrassi writers credit. They did a solid job of building on the Miles/Mr. Hollingsworth friction throughout season 13. Miles was involved with enough scandals and self destructed multiple times, meaning it would be easy to think that on some level, his father has a point about him. But season 14 makes it clear just how damaging the judgment, assuming the worst in Miles and refusing to give any emotional support, has affected him. You end up growing into someone who has a very "fuck it" attitude. Nothing you do is ever right, so you stop trying and cope any way you can. This is what Miles spends the majority of this block doing. It's only when his siblings become the targets of his father's abuse that Miles steps up and starts to fight back. An ongoing theme throughout the first half of season 14 is the idea that Miles is more similar to his dad than he'd like. Both are charismatic and confident. Both have no problem attracting romantic and sexual attention. Also, both can be quick to anger and occasionally struggle with fidelity. It's the quick to anger and the self destruction that is thrown back in Miles' face when he attempts to assert himself to his father, demanding that he move out for the sake of his family. The scene where Miles comes very close to punching his dad says everything about the differences between the two. For all of Miles' flaws and the moments where he can be an outright asshole, he's a good person at heart and feels genuine love for the people in his life. Honestly, the plot somewhat falls apart for me here because it leads to Miles nearly burning the school down. It's.. it's fine, I guess. Someone was always going to set the fire because of the preview we get of the mid-season finale in the season premiere, but even though the fire itself is the climax of the entire episode it feels as though it barely matters in the long run. This is a big issue with seasons 13 and 14. Regardless, it ends with all three Hollingsworth siblings standing up to their dad and validating Miles and backing him up for the first time. It's really great to see. We never see them as a united front like this ever again. Degrassi's gonna Degrassi. Otherwise, Tiny got to dance and Zig got to defend Zoe against victim blaming. Those are the only things worth mentioning about that subplot.

(2) Ready or Not: I mostly enjoy this episode for Zig's plot. As I said before, I weirdly enjoy the gang story lines. This episode features a lot of waiting around for something to happen. Zig is torn between throwing himself back into gang life following Tiny's stabbing and continuing to distance himself from his past. This is what leads him to audition for the musical. Zig singing "Say Hello to the Bad Guy" will always be adorable to me. I love it. Throughout all of this, Zig has a lot of interesting interactions. First, Maya. Obviously, Zaya. Zig and Maya's relationship has been developing in some form since the first time they met. They've experienced lots of ups and downs both as friends and as potential love interests, but season 14 Zaya has proven to be very healthy and rock solid as far as emotional support goes. What Maya doesn't know is ambiguous because the writers totally dropped the whole "Zig was forced to rejoin Vince's gang" plot point they set up at the end of season 13. So as far as we know, Zig is being open with Maya about everything. There's this great, natural chemistry between them that makes it very easy to root for them. Maya going out of her way to save Zig and to make sure he has shelter finally comes full circle when he thanks her for everything she's done for him. Not only that, but Maya reminds Zig that he's a good person too and can be the same good influence on Tiny. Damon returns in a big way after barely being present in season 13. Finally, the show acknowledges that Zig and Damon were once close friends. Like Zig, we're wondering what happened to Damon and how he's transformed from a relatively harmless, loyal friend to Zig to a pretty terrible person with barely any redeeming qualities. Even though Zig knows he should leave Damon alone, the desire to stop the violence and very likely residual affection for Damon leads him to warn him about the trap. I'm so sorry. I feel like I'm just recapping the episode. It all ends with Zig able to prevent the confrontation on the basketball court, but then it's revealed that his place at the Matlins is no longer safe when Damon's gang breaks in. Again, I know the gang story line is unpopular, but I can't help but enjoy it.

(3) Wishlist: Frankie ends up being kind of a love/hate character for me as the seasons go on, but she was very sympathetic in this episode. Frankie had a very different relationship with her dad than Miles did. As the golden child of the family, she had closer, warmer interactions with her parents. So when her dad turned on her following the Degrassi Nudes scandal, it came as a shock and wasn't what Frankie what used to. Even though she logically knows her dad doesn't deserve forgiveness and has been a bad parent, she wrestles with the two sides of her father she's seen, ultimately coming down on the side of giving him another chance. I still can't believe Next Class dropped the majority of Mr. Hollingsworth's abusive and manipulative ways to the point you'd never know Frankie and Hunter had complicated feelings about him moving back home. I don't know. When watching season 14, I never thought Frankie letting her dad back into her life would lead to anything but trouble, but apparently not? Other than that, this episode is all about Maya finally coming to terms with the past two years of her life and how she feels about Zig. Was it slightly unexpected and could it have used a little more time? Yes. Was Maya admitting out loud that she's in love with Zig inevitable and something she'd clearly been forcing down for multiple seasons? Also yes. Zig and Maya are so fucking cute in this episode. The gentle way Zig interacts with Maya. How he instinctively gets Maya and has a thorough understanding of what she's trying to get across even when words fail her. The way Zig makes Maya feel safe and how she's happier when he's around. Of course she loves him. How can they not love each other? That cliffhanger with Zig cluelessly waving as Maya stares at him, stunned, will forever live rent free in my head

(4) Give Me One Reason: The biggest reason why I love this episode is obvious: Zig and Maya finally get together after multiple seasons of build up. It's not a super complex plot where a lot is happening. It's actually pretty simple, which I think is kind of endearing. The timing is finally right and there's literally nothing in their way except the fact Zig is still living with Maya. They try to sneak around for like 30 seconds before it all goes wrong. Being the good kids they are, they both separately don't want to do anything to disrespect Maya's mom. So, Zig moves out, by not before they say I love you for the first time with Maya saying it first. My Zaya dreams came true when this aired. I can't be objective about it. They're the best. As for story lines that have a little more depth, this episode also shows the aftermath of Clare's miscarriage. I generally dislike Eclare plots for obvious reasons and am VERY done with them by late season 14, but this one has to be their best in five seasons. As much as I didn't like the pregnancy story line and hated even more that the writers made the predictable choice for Eli to be the father, when all was said and done there were two characters with so much history and messy feelings for one another. Once Eli found out about the paternity, there was zero chance they wouldn't be getting back together. I (rightfully) talk a lot of shit about Eli, but based on what we see he really stepped up as Clare's partner and co-parent during the brief time they were planning to raise their son together. It's hard to describe the story line? It's very quiet. You feel Clare's and Eli's pain in every moment of their story line. Clare does what she can to hide from her grief, but eventually she's forced to come to terms with what happened and just let herself feel the pain.

(5) Teen Age Riot: This is an interesting episode. It has some of my favorite elements of season 14. There's the ongoing gang story line that's mostly pushed into the background for the majority of the episode only to come back with a vengeance in the final scene. Once again, Zig is torn between his two worlds: the gang life with Vince and Tiny, and the more hopeful, safer one he'd like to be in with Maya. Zig understandably doesn't feel that Maya can handle his other world and almost tries to shield her from it. That's a consistent theme. As much as Zig seems to see all parts of Maya and knows better than most that she isn't perfect, when it comes to him and his relationship with her his own inferiority complex gets in the way of that. Maya "isn't the kind of girl" who experiments with drugs at a party. But what if she is? Once high, both made the decision to have sex, but Zig holds himself solely responsible for it. Of all people, Vince proves to be the voice of reason when he tells Zig that he talks himself out of good things as though he doesn't deserve them. Zig is a highly insecure person, resulting in him never feeling worthy. This is essentially what drives Zig and Maya apart the first time around. But also, I've always thought it was a cool choice for Zaya sex plots to be told from Zig's perspective rather than Maya's. I'll probably get more into this whenever I get to the Next Class section, but generally on this show it's the girls who wrestle with the decision to have sex and how they feel about it once they've had it. We pretty much never get a story line where the guy has regrets about losing his virginity. So I like that this topic was covered with Zig. His sensitive side is hardly discussed in the fandom even though his emotions are just barely brimming under the surface at all times. I also love how Zig and Maya ultimately resolve things. Even though both wish they hadn't lost their virginity under those circumstances (i.e. while high at a party), they don't regret sharing the experience with each other. I fucking love Zaya. I don't have nearly as much to say about the subplots, but I liked both. Clare feels violated after finding out her principal has been eavesdropping on conversations, meaning she knows about Clare's miscarriage. Clare responds to this by destroying the security cameras. Iconic, honestly.

(6) The Kids Aren't Alright: It's another gang related episode with Zig getting the two part A plot all to himself. What's not to love? At least if you're me. This is basically the pinnacle of everything that's been building for Zig in season 14 if not since season 13 when we started to get hints he'd gotten involved with something shady. All things considered, Zig is pretty well adjusted and overall managing to prioritize things that are going to be good for him rather than falling back into gang life. I feel like much like Ready or Not, this is another episode involving a lot of waiting around for something to happen. Only somehow things are more foreboding, because Vince is heavily involved and it's evident how dangerous he can be. At the end of the day, Zig does the right thing. There was never any doubt Zig was going to turn Vince in and find a way to leave the gang. In the meantime, he even got some closure with Damon and regained his friend if only for a moment. It makes me feel warm and nostalgic for the days of season 12. But honestly, Zig isn't the most interesting character in this story line. It's Tiny. Despite the fact Tiny has deeper gang ties than Zig and a much closer to connection with Vince due to them being brothers, Tiny is almost exclusively a supporting character. Throughout both parts, Tiny oscillates between putting on a façade of being confident and expressing doubt, needing either Vince or Zig to reassure him that things will be okay and that they're doing the right thing. Unlike Zig who is much more comfortable going against Vince (largely driven by a need to protect Maya), Tiny views Vince as a parental surrogate and someone who will tell him what to do. When Zig turns Vince in, Tiny initially continues perpetuating the cycle of violence by holding Zig and Maya at knifepoint. We finally hear Tiny's back story and understand that his parents aren't there for him emotionally. Without Vince, he's all alone. But much like Tiny was merely following Vince's orders, he doesn't truly want to hurt anyone and wants to get out as much as Zig does. Sadly, Next Class dropped the ball HARD when it came to Tiny and his development. His back story is occasionally alluded to, but his role going forward is rarely anything except to be a love interest to Shay and Lola as well as the voice of reason for Zig. Regardless, this episode solidifies the Zig/Tiny connection and makes them truly brothers. Also, obligatory Zaya mention. I'll always love their open and honest communication and ride or die attitude when it comes to each other.

Least favorites (Season 14 is a tough one to single out least favorite episodes from because even the episodes that feature my least favorite arcs have at least one really solid plot):

(1) Can't Stop This Thing We Started: Look, I hate Eli. I've made that clear by now. I had lost patience with Eli and Clare's relationship by the end of season 10. His entire purpose on the show past season 12 was to be Clare's on again/off again boyfriend, and it was the absolute worst and prevented Clare from being able to have new, fresh story lines. This is what that led to a bullshit who's the daddy story line that nobody wanted. It was bad enough Clare was pregnant, but then her soulmate had to lose his shit over his plans being ruined and whine about how everything was unfair to him. I genuinely can't and will never understand why any energy was being put into Eli's perspective on anything. The rare times that I appreciated the pregnancy story line where when they were directly tied to either Clare's or Drew's growth and the two coming to terms with becoming parents and making sacrifices. This was not one of those times. And if not for Becky's story line in the next episode, that episode might have made my list because JFC Eli's attitude was even worse in that one. Also, the writers could never make me like or care about Miles's friendship with Winston.

(2) Watch Out Now: I don't even know. It's just an extremely underwhelming mid-season premiere until the last scene where Tiny gets stabbed. I mean, Becky was trying to seduce Drew so that he'll let her and Jonah perform together at school. Winston was unfunny as always and somehow ends up kissing Lola to drive more plot for like ten episodes. Zoe probably had the best story line out of all of them with her dealing with the aftermath of taking the fall for Degrassi Nudes, but it could have been so much more. The entire plot is there to justify the final scene where the Damon/Zoe confrontation, again, leads to Tiny's stabbing. The part that bothers me most is the Becky/Drew stuff. Drew had really strong character development during the first half of season 14 when he believed he was the father of Clare's baby. My most hated part of the second half was Drew's weird stint as a petty asshole primarily over Drecky bitterness. No one cared about Drecky. No one was buying that this was one of Drew's most significant relationships. I think even Clew haters will admit that Drew's feelings for Clare had a bigger impact, and they were never officially dating.

(3) Summer Girls: The funny thing about me listing this episode as a least favorite is that I actually like it way more than the vast majority of the fans. It's not that bad! But compared to the rest of season 14, it comes up short. Nothing in this special should be taken seriously for the most part. The plots are ridiculous. Tristan's constant vlogs and interruptions are kind of grating, but I forgive it. The issue is, there's not a lot of cohesiveness. It just kind of jumps from one thing to the next with not a lot of plots that carry over. The ones that do don't work. Maya gets kidnapped, but it's never referenced again even though it's even more trauma for Maya. Frankie's story line with the creepy older guy is difficult to follow. I genuinely wonder if they were ever going to bring Gloria back for "season 15" or what eventually became Next Class season 1, because it's random how they introduced her in one episode only to give her such a big role at the end of the season. And even when she appeared the first time, it's not like Gloria interacted with Maya at all. But I digress. This is also when Gracevas starts, something I both love and hate considering they were presumably already planting the seeds to queerbait us 🤬

Next Class season 1:

Favorites:

(1) #YesMeansYes: As discussed thoroughly in this two part ask that I promise will be coming to an end soon, Degrassi mishandled multiple sexual assault story lines out of ignorance. Even though it aimed to be educational, Degrassi had a pretty shoddy understanding of healthy, enthusiastic consent and how it worked. The most relevant example is with Declan and Holly J in Love Lockdown. Personally, I have no idea what the writers hoped to accomplish or what they wanted the audience to take away from that. Paraphrasing what Holly J tells Declan the next day, "I didn't want to, but you insisted." Aka, he raped her because she never consented to having sex. Declan didn't mean to rape the girl he claimed to love and never in a million years would have characterized himself as this sort of person, but it still happened because the difference between a consensual sexual partner and a rapist is the absence of "yes". So, Zig and Maya's story line. Going back to Teen Age Riot, the first time Zig and Maya had sex, it was told from Zig's perspective and we see how much it bothered him that he (in his eyes) ruined their first time. Months later, Zig and Maya have settled into their relationship and seem closer than ever except in one area: Maya seems to be avoiding the possibility of having sex again. Zig's insecurities over this combined with Jonah as the personification of guys Maya could or should want to be sleeping with instead of him leads to Zig getting some toxic messaging. In an attempt to be more assertive so that Maya will desire him, Zig comes on much too strongly while initiating a make out session and ends up not stopping when Maya tells him to. When Maya punches him, Zig doesn't seem to understand and walks away with his ego deflated. While Maya isn't the focus of the scene, she's visibly shaken up and not okay after this happens. Later, Grace educates both Zig and Tiny about how healthy consent works, explaining the importance of getting consent before any and all encounters regardless of your sexual past. There's another strong scene when Mrs. Matlin talks to Maya and Zig about how they aren't mature enough to be sleeping together until they can talk about sex, something they've been unable to do up to this point. It all culminates with Maya opening up about her fears about things "being weird" if they sleep together again, and Zig reassuring Maya that she can trust him to hear her from now on and that he never wants to feel like he's forcing her. Then obviously, the sex scene. It's so fucking cute and pure and everything it should be. I'll never be over the sweetness and the awkwardness and how well their chemistry comes across in this moment. It took Degrassi 20 seasons and one movie counting the original series to thoroughly cover what healthy sexual consent looks like particularly in a loving relationship, and I'm honestly so glad it was done with my favorite couple. It almost makes the terrifying, out of context "will Zig rape Maya?" speculation worth it.

(2) #NotOkay: Talking about the first season of Next Class again just reminds me that at its best, it was really good. I usually get caught up in things I don't like about it (the way Zaya were broken up, the queerbaiting, humanizing school shooter Hunter), but in actuality most of the episodes were good and the plots way better than they're given credit for. You really see how much the show has grown with the way society has changed. Much like the previous episode delved deeply into enthusiastic consent, the main plot of this one covered the topic of catcalling on a bigger scale. We know how much Maya wants to make her musical dreams happen and that she's at her most confident when she's performing. But now that Maya's older and entering more adult spaces, the reality of growing into an adult means she has to deal with more misogyny and men who are shitty to her because she's a woman. So, Maya has to deal with her mother who forbids her to perform at the gig for an understandable reason (wanting her to be safe), while at the same time limiting Maya and robbing her of an opportunity. Her friends aren't even in agreement about how she should fight back against harassment. Zoe directly asks Maya if her dreams or her pride are more important. Speaking of that, I LOVE this scene. It feels so natural. Grace is very loudly a take no shit feminist while Zoe is the one with experience navigating the entertainment industry. Next Class never comes down on either side, giving both perspectives validity. In the end, Maya finds a way to have both at the same time when she performs "Not Okay," a song Next Class and Maya's unnamed band likes to play a lot.

(3) #ButThatsNoneOfMyBusiness: You know an episode is good when every single plot is worthy of being the A plot. Keeping with the theme of Degrassi covering new territory in Next Class, this one discusses female masturbation. It's alluded to in season 8, but mostly we see Clare's confusion over sex and feeling left behind because she's sheltered compared to other people her age. Lola's a little bit older and is able to discuss things like female sexuality and pleasure with her friends. Not only that, but they explicitly tell us and show us that she tries it. It's such a healthy message to send to younger audiences, particularly girls who often have to navigate things like this on their own. In one of the subplots, Maya becomes a feminist. This is another good story line, and a positive message to send to the audience. Granted, Degrassi kind of simplifies what feminism means and doesn't delve into complex issues that go outside the cisgender experience, but considering feminism can come with a lot of negative connotations from people who don't know what they're talking about it's nice to see someone like Maya realize that she's already a feminist. Zig's ignorant, dumbass ways are annoying, but he and Tiny represent the numerous men who just don't get it and often don't try to hear feminists out. In Miles's plot, it's basically a continuation of his ongoing story line. Mr. Hollingsworth is back. No one in his family takes his concerns and trauma seriously, so he's doing his best to manage by self medicating with pills with only Esme around to advise him. As difficult as it is to watch, Miles and Esme were an intriguing pairing. If I were to complain about one thing, it's that Esme borderline comes across too villainously compared to seasons 2-4.

(4) #SinceWeBeinHonest: This is always a tough episode to watch because it's basically the end of Zaya until the end of Next Class. There are so many bittersweet moments because ultimately, they do love each other and things were great between them until they weren't. Even though Maya expressed suspicion in the previous episode about Zig's odd behavior, she never seemed to suspect he'd cheated because she had so much confidence and trust in their relationship. Zig was sadly the opposite. Even though Maya was never anything but faithful, his own self worth problems and the presence of Jonah convinced Zig that there was no way Maya wouldn't find someone better than him the first chance she got. In this episode, I honestly think Zig means well and that he's trying to make amends for the cheating and attempting to support Maya through her SECOND cyberbullying drama any way he can. Unfortunately, keeping his infidelity a secret can only ever be a selfishly motivated thing. As much as Zig wants to pretend like it's all to save Maya from more pain, something he probably does on some level consider, he primarily can't fathom losing Maya. It's a really delicate balance because Zig needs to be both somewhat sympathetic and also totally out of line, and I think the writers overall did a good job with that. Zig tries to make Maya feel protected and is in fact the one to discover Hunter is behind the cyberbullying, but then he just.. lets it all go and legitimately comes close to letting everything Hunter and his friends are doing slide to keep his own secret. It's disgusting to watch and I hate it, but thankfully Zig comes clean in the end. It's such a heartbreaking moment. I've primarily talked about Zig so far, but Maya's role in this is so much worse. Zig is the only person who makes Maya feel safe. She has complete confidence in their relationship and is somehow under the impression that she has failed him because her mental health has suffered due to the harassment, preventing her from being a "decent girlfriend" to him. You think about everything Maya Matlin has been through over the course of the series, and it just makes you mad because life keeps shitting on her. Anyways, the final scene where Zig comes clean to Maya hurts my heart. Maya's face just cracks, but then after the initial shock she emotionally shuts down and can only tell Zig to go. And he wants to talk through it because they've always been able to talk, but the trust is gone and there's nothing to talk through anymore. I hate it, but I can't deny that it was well written. As for the Miles story line, I actually like that one much better. But I doubt I'll have nearly as much to say about it, because I'm me. Miles is arguably on an opposite trajectory from Zig. Zig started out in a decent place and was able to communicate his insecurities to his girlfriend only to completely cave and lose faith at the worst possible moment, doing something that could never be undone. Miles, on the other hand, spent so much of the first season spiraling and coping with his pain under the influence. In this episode, he's doing what he can to get a fresh start and get his life back on track, free of Esme's influence. But even when Miles briefly lets Esme back into his life, he resists the temptation to act on his worst impulses and stays clean. In so many ways, Miles has come full circle from his first two seasons on the show. Now, he's much more mature and wants to change for himself, not the person he's dating or because he wants to please his family.

Least favorites:

(1) #BootyCall: I answered a similar ask about my least favorite Next Class episodes, but I'll try not to repeat myself too much. Basically, I don't think this episode is well written. It's tonally off. Nothing of much substance happens to hook the viewers into the new season and the new era of Degrassi. Even though I consider myself a Triles shipper, I'm not sure Miles suddenly wanting to get back together with Tristan was set up well. If you wanted to believe Miles was still harboring feelings for Tristan, it's a good thing. But due to the fact Miles was pretty underwritten in 14B and bounced from Maya to Zoe in the meantime, it ends up feeling like a manipulation and you almost can't blame Tristan for thinking the worst. Even still, Tristan lashing out against Miles in a biphobic sort of way was unacceptable, yet the writers never seemed to see that. They kind of shot Triles in the foot before their reunion even got started. For many fans, this was the point of no return and no later periods of harmony could fix it. The Zaya plot just kind of bugs me. It's not terrible, but they jumped right into the "Zig is possessive and pathetic over Maya" stuff without any set up. Since Summer Girls is supposed to take place shortly before this, we go from Zig and Maya in a really good place with the two spending lots of time together to Zig flipping out because Maya doesn't want to have sex or even talk about it. I accept this as the set up for #YesMeansYes, but it wasn't exactly subtle LOL. Also, "that doesn't make you good at guitar!"

The show couldn't even give Zig that much dignity SMH

(2) #ThisCouldBeUsButYouPlayin: Oh god. This fucking episode. I'm so tired of talking about how much I hate it. There was a lot of contrived bullshit happening because the writers wanted their offensive "Grace is secretly straight" plot twist after the entire Gracevas arc had been told from Zoe's perspective. Allowing Zoe and Grace to get as far as sleeping together without Grace ever letting on that she didn't reciprocate Zoe's feelings is trash. I've said it countless times, but I really resent the condescending way the writers felt they needed to educate the audience for assuming Grace was a lesbian. They deliberately left little clues like Grace getting a girl's number or checking out a female extra only to claim Grace was assumed to be gay because of her physical appearance. Fuck that. Also, Zaya was trashed with an unnecessary cheating plot. I'll never be entirely happy about that regardless of them eventually ending up together. Not to mention the Zoe/Zig tape because even in a season where they finally get consent right, there's still the matter of Zoe filming Zig without his consent.

(3) #SorryNotSorry: I don't like sympathetic school shooter narratives. I'm at the point where no matter how it's explained to me or the propaganda that leads some to believe it's people suffering from mental health problems perpetuating gun violence, I don't buy it. Hunter was prepared to murder multiple characters because they slighted him in some way. I mean, considering I already strongly disagree with the premise, I'm not going to be a fan of the episode itself. There are cheap writing choices in this episode, such as throwing Zig under the bus by having him call Hunter of all things, a psycho. The same character who was sending a girl rape threats because she disagreed with his club's misogyny. The same character who told said girl to her face, after she spent weeks having nightmares and experiencing intense anxiety, that she deserved what she got. The worst part is that Hunter doesn't face any consequences. He spends time in a mental health facility to recover and find a way to cope, but the school never finds out. The majority of the characters on Hunter's hit list don't find out he wanted them dead. In ten episodes, Hunter enters his first relationship and we're supposed to be happy about it. I understand Degrassi has always been a show that promotes understanding, but 2016 was too damn late to still be pushing the idea that a person can be pushed into becoming a school shooter under extreme emotional distress as though Hunter doesn't already fit the profile for many mass shooters for different reasons: misogyny and entitlement. I don't even feel like getting into the subplots. As annoying as I find the aftermath of Zig's confession and the fact Frankie and Jonah become a couple, that's irrelevant to me compared to Hunter being portrayed as some misunderstood underdog.

Next Class season 2 (I'll have to do the next three seasons from memory because it's been a while since I've seen the episodes):

Favorites:

(1) #TurntUp: I remember enjoying the Shay and Hunter plots a a lot and thinking Zig's plot had good moments even if I still had issues with it. Shay was by far the most sympathetic character during Frankie's racism arc. I guess it sucks for Frankie that she was called out by the other team, aka be held accountable, but Shay was the one who had to wrestle with with whether or not her friend was racist against black people and how she felt about that. This story line is another example of Degrassi allowing their POC characters to talk to each other rather than having Shay mostly confide in white people. I can't speak to how realistic Shay needing to be educated about things like racist propaganda was, but Reiya Downs did a good job portraying Shay's confusion. I liked how Kara, the designated "villain", was given depth and allowed to explain her frustration and anger about Frankie's drawing. Shay's dad was another great parental figure who was able to talk Shay through her confusion and leave her with some harsh truths. Thinking about this story line again, it really annoys me how little Shay was given beyond this season. On the Hunter front, I have mixed feelings for obvious reasons. It's the Eli thing again where I don't like the character, but think his story line was well written. After a lot of resistance and denial, Hunter finally allows himself to get help and opens up about his struggles. Even though I hate the majority of what came before, I think it's great that we actually saw a character committed to a mental health facility. Again though, I wish the story line had gotten more screen time. There was more focus on the potential Hunter/Yael relationship than there ever was Hunter's recovery and the steps he needed to take to make amends. And finally, Zig. He's an idiot in this episode. There's no getting around that. He means well, but he has no chill and is over eager to reconcile with Maya. Rather than being more patient and prioritizing regaining trust and giving Maya space, he attempts to smooth things over with a romantic date. The second it doesn't go the way he wants it to, he latches on to the ridiculous idea that Maya is in any way culpable of the breakdown of their relationship. Worse, his strong emotions and impulsiveness lead to him literally going to Maya and telling her this. The message of the episode it not remotely subtle. In trying to fix things, Zig only made them worse. It wasn't the follow up I wanted to their breakup, but it's the one the writers gave us. The final scene where Zig calms down and confesses that he doesn't actually blame Maya is nice. Maya is allowed to open up about her true, complex feelings re: Zig and Zaya. As much as she's missed him and loved him in the past (and present, but Maya is understandably holding back on that), she currently is not ready to date him again. It all ends on a somewhat hopeful note when Maya says "anything is possible" after Zig asks if she'll ever be ready for them again. I'd like this so much more had Zig not fucking thrown that back in her face a few episodes later, but whatever.

(2) #BuyMePizza: Honestly, the main reason I liked this episode as much as I did is Zoe's story line. Zoe's in a very vulnerable place. She's recently had to come to terms with the fact she likes girls. Not much introspection is given when it comes to Zoe's sexuality crisis and how she went from assumed to be straight to coming out as a lesbian at the end of the season. But it's clear Zoe is in the in between stages where post-Gracevas, she's gone back to hiding deep in the closet and is in complete denial. I love the Zoe/Esme conflict in this episode and feel it was a missed opportunity not to do more with it. In some ways, Zoe has been Esme in the past, albeit not nearly as chaotic. It takes very little prompting from Esme for Zoe to passionately kiss her back. I loved Gracevas and liked Zasha, but Zoe/Esme definitely could have been something. I can't believe I nearly forgot to mention Zoe's self harming. Degrassi had multiple self harm story lines, but none of them were shown to be ongoing. Adam relapsed and it was implied Ellie continued to cut after Whisper to a Scream, but we actually see what triggers Zoe and how she hurts herself multiple times before she accepts help. It's a very underrated aspect of her story line and consistent with how we've known Zoe to be. The only unbelievable part is how she starts dating Winston and they're given an entirely new back story, but I have to assume it's only because they were literally out of dudes for Zoe to date. I don't want to talk much about Grace's story line because I have issues with the Grace being into Zig thing being legit, but I wanted to mention the sweet Zig/Grace moment where he's the one to give Grace the advice she needs to deal with Baaz's negging. "How can you be such a huge jerk sometimes, and then say the exact right thing at other times?" "It's my curse." Zig Novak in a nutshell. Also, the little Zaya moment. I can't not mention their tension.

(3) #ThatAwkwardMomentWhen: Zoe's subplot in this episode is a continuation of her story line in 204. There isn't much to say about it. Zoe wants to appear as though she's the perfect straight girl in the ideal heterosexual relationship. She's always been someone who looks to outside validation to feel good about herself, lacking natural confidence. So it makes sense that Zoe, who grew up in the spotlight, would turn to something like social media to hear from complete strangers that her life is ideal. The Zoe/Tristan conflict was interesting. Tristan's behavior is another common argument used by his haters, but I genuinely think he meant well in this instance even if he couldn't stop himself from being judgmental. Neither Tristan nor Zoe have ever been all that warm, explaining why it was easy for them to be friends. But those spiky edges are also the reason they're rarely the ones to provide comfort in moments like this. It's too bad Zoe/Tristan hardly ever got any interaction following this episode due to Tristan's coma. It seemed like after Tristan woke up, he went back to being much more Maya's friend than Zoe's. I can maybe guess why that is, but I would have liked to have seen Tristan leaning more towards Maya and away from Zoe. I remember being satisfied by Frankie's plot and liking the way her racism arc was "resolved". I don't feel like I can say much more about it before I rewatch this episode. Also, Tiny gets a plot! It's his only plot ever, and it's about which girl he's going to end up with even though we've known since the first five minutes of Next Class that it would be Shay.

(4) #OMFG: To be honest, this episode is mostly memorable because of its cliffhanger. I don't feel like the Next Class writers did as good as a job as they could have following up on the bus crash. Other than Maya, it felt like the reaction to the accident was focused solely on Miles at the expense of the other survivors (Zig, Tristan, Grace, Tiny, Jonah). But other than that, it's devastating and a memorable way to end the season. I really liked Zoe's story line, though. There isn't a lot of action going on. It's all about Zoe's internal struggle and whether or not she's going to share her pain with others and finally admit she's a lesbian. Obviously, she does, and it's probably Winston's best moment.

Least favorites:

(1) #SquadGoals: I feel like the fact Peter returned for a recurring role in this episode is reason enough to list it. But if I have to go further, it's not the most interesting episode and it's also a premiere. Zaya's story line disappoints me. The show decided to go in the direction that after Zig comes clean about cheating, he actually loses about a thousand braincells and acts a fool for multiple episodes after this. So, he's like weirdly trying to make Maya jealous with Esme, and I'm not really a fan. It's not even entertaining because Maya doesn't deserve this at all. Otherwise, the volleyball team is super racist minus Shay. It's basically set up for the story line. I don't love episodes that heavily focus on the Hollingsworths, especially when they aren't Miles. Speaking of Miles, he's dealing with protecting attempted school shooter Hunter. I get it. He needs help. But as I said earlier, the way Hunter's mental health struggles manifested themselves bugged me a lot.

(2) #ToMyFutureSelf: The Maya/Peter/Grace/Zig mess was just awful. I don't think I'll ever fully forgive the writers for giving me the visual of Maya rubbing up against Peter as she sings the song she wrote about wanting to fuck Zig. I'm allowed to hate things for petty reasons. Zig's an idiot and wants to get back into Maya's life, but goes about it in the worst way. For whatever reason, Grace wants to force Zig back into Maya's life with zero regard for the fact she's still mad and nursing a broken heart. Lola tries to educate Shay about what the right and wrong way is to handle backlash as a black woman for participating in a protest. It bugs me so much that I can't even be upset about Tiny borderline emotionally cheating on her with Shay. Zoe does yellowface and it's.. awkwardly handled? Esme calls out the racism, but somehow it gets turned around on Esme for not also calling out Winston for wearing a Japanese soldier's uniform when he's actually Korean and not Japanese? I think? It's been a bit since I've watched this episode.

(3) #TheseAreMyConfessions: The Grace story line is all over the place, and not for any good reasons. I wish I could say I understand what the writers were going for or could give them some credit for Grace's desire to be "normal" leading to her pursuing Zig of all people. But I can't. Even now it's like... WHAT?! Zig and Grace had zero romantic energy whatsoever. Zig himself was a disaster for most of season 2 and was rebounding very hard from Maya in Esme's direction. I genuinely think the writers were getting off on the "Grace is secretly straight and into Zig" plot twist, but had zero interest in really following through on what exactly draws Grace to Zig and as a result got stuck with tying up that loose end. All in all, Grace is just kind of shitty and weirdly entitled to Zig to the point she insults Maya and borderline slut shames Zig LOL. It's bad. The best moment in the entire story line is when Zoe steps in to save her life, but that's more on Zoe than Grace. Grace telling Maya about her cystic fibrosis should have been a big moment, but it feels like such an afterthought. And in subplot land, fuck Hunter and fuck his relationship with Yael. It was all way, way too soon.

Next Class season 3:

Favorites:

(1) #BreakTheInternet: I don't know what it is, but things just automatically feel better in season 3 than seasons 1 and 2. Part of it is that Degrassi is more casual with pre-Next Class continuity coming up than they were during the first two seasons, but there's a more relaxed tone. The writing and dialogue (if memory serves anyway) feels more natural than the previous year where it kind of missed the mark. I'm of two minds about Miles's story line because I still resent the fact so much focus was given to Miles in season 3 specifically because of Tristan's coma. I understand Miles having some focus, but the show acts like he's the face of the bus crash tragedy and it's such bullshit when you think about how Zig, Tiny, Grace and Jonah are happily walking around like they didn't go through anything serious. Zig alludes to having a new lease on life when he presents his project (?) to the class, but overall there was a big missed opportunity not to go deeper. Anyways, now to stop critiquing and actually explain why this episode is one of my favorites from the season. So the thing is, Eric Osborne is a great actor and Miles is an extremely layered character. So even if I'm not entirely happy with the amount of focus he gets in season 3 or that this episode is just blatantly setting up Mola, I still feel for Miles and his struggle. His mental health is clearly not great. It seems like Miles spent the majority of his summer in the hospital by Tristan's bedside. All of his thoughts have been consumed with Tristan's progress and whether or not he's going to wake up. The first bit of hope he's had in months (Tristan squeezing his hand while he's talking to him) is immediately shut down as being involuntary. No one is hearing him or willing to listen to his darkest, most personal thoughts because they're too triggering. As flimsy as the explanation for why Lola is the ideal person to be Miles's new "only one that understands" is, it makes sense why Miles would immediately latch on to Lola during this time. If wouldn't work as well if it wasn't so clear just how in love with and devoted to Tristan Miles is. Zoe's plot is great, too. It's a little surprising to see how much progress she's made in terms of accepting herself and openly admitting she's gay, but mostly I'm so happy to see Zoe finally a much happier, more confident version of herself after multiple seasons of lashing out in destructive ways. Her character development is underrated.

(2) #WorstGiftEver: This is another classic "Degrassi isn't afraid to discuss the real issues" episode. Just like in the past, Degrassi wasn't afraid to let the main characters be kind of shitty to drive a point a home about how common ignorance is. First, there's Goldi who doesn't seem to feel any sort of hate towards the queer community, but also hides behind her faith and never questions things like why being gay is considered a sin. Much like Becky before her, she was raised to adhere to a strict moral code and rarely veers from that path. Then, the Goldi/Rasha conflict comes in. Goldi can't understand how Rasha is willing to compromise on things like wearing a hijab and touching boys and starts to question everything. But in the end, Goldi decides that she doesn't feel like herself without the hijab and is able to understand that she can be friends with Rasha without them being just alike. Oh, and I just realized I forgot to mention the second half of the "ignorant characters" thing. There's also a scene in class where Goldi has to educate some of the main characters such as Zig and Jonah about how Muslims aren't inherently suicide bombers. It's difficult to watch and almost unbelievable they could be so uneducated, but it's surprising how often people believe very common misconceptions rooted in things like bigotry without thinking twice. I also liked Shay's period plot. It's pretty simple, but Shay completely owning the fact she's not ashamed of being someone who gets periods is great. I'm much less invested in Miles's plot, but the scene where he breaks down by Tristan's bedside as Zoe embraces him is heartbreaking.

(3) #IRegretNothing: I love how groundbreaking and yet totally non-dramatic this episode is. Obviously, Lola has an abortion, which is automatically a serious topic. But after multiple instances of very emotional abortion plots with friends or family members who disapproved with the girl having to justify why it is she can't have a baby, it's really nice and refreshing for Lola to do her own research, make the decision to terminate, and for everything to be completely fine. Lola isn't ashamed of her decision. As the episode title says, she doesn't have any regrets. Yael is an amazing friend and support system for Lola during this time. Actually, not even that, because Yael and Lola aren't even friends until after the abortion. As much as I dislike Yael's role in Maya's harassment back in season 1, this is an episode that proves Yael has a heart and is overall a good person. Also, Maya's story line. Heartbreaking. Everything about Maya in the third season of Next Class hurts my heart. She's been through so much and dealt with countless challenges already. Of all things to happen, Maya herself ends up deeply depressed and struggling with day to day life, often contemplating suicide. I have to say, Maya's depression arc has always felt much more relatable to me than Cam's. Cam's experience is valid and sometimes a person will come right out and say very obvious red flags such as, "I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up." But oftentimes, depression manifests in losing interest in all aspects of life. Maya can't even pretend to be her old self. She gets angry and says things she knows are hurtful, but can't entirely bring herself to care because she's doing that badly. And yet, Maya clearly wants to feel better and to find a way to be happy again. But she just can't find that light or the hope she needs. Ugh, and the Zaya scene. It's one of my all time favorites of theirs. Zig and Maya are two people who have known and loved each other for years, but they've fallen out of touch first because of their breakup and then because of the bus crash/Maya's depression/Zig's relationship with Esme. But despite all of that, there's this connection that never goes away. A couple of episodes before, there's a moment between Maya and Miles, another pair of exes, where Maya is displaying very clear red flags, but Miles completely misses it, only remarking that Maya got "dark". Zig barely has to look at Maya to know that something is wrong, even if he isn't sure what it is. From there, there's some misunderstanding because Zig seems to think it's a problem that can be easily fixed, even after Maya says she feels numb all the time. Zig tickles Maya and it's so cute. She smiles one of her first genuine smiles all season because of him.

Ugh, and the vulnerable way Maya looks down when she tells Zig she misses him like she's suddenly hit with the feelings all over again.

I know that a part of this is Maya's desire to feel happy again, and one of the last times Maya was truly happy was when she was dating Zig. But there's very strong subtext more is going on. And obviously, season 4 ends with them essentially back together. Unfortunately, Maya is so desperate to feel happy again that she chooses this moment to make a move on Zig, while he has a girlfriend. I hate it so much. The final scene where Maya breaks down to her mom is really strong. I really need to get to season 3 on my rewatch.

(4) #Woke: This is a great episode for Zoe. I don't feel like recapping her season 3 arc, but obviously she's come a long way in terms of coming out of the closet and fully embracing her lesbian identity. I feel like sometimes Zoe is thought to have become a totally new person after she came out, but I honestly don't believe that. Zoe schemed less and resorted to kindness much more often because she finally found happiness within herself. She no longer needed to tear other people down and had no reason to be deceitful. This episode is the exception to that, but she did it for a good reason. I don't care about a homophobe's wedding getting a little uncomfortable for them because they can't fathom their daughter kissing their girlfriend in public. I don't know how much Degrassi nailed the "you can't assume someone's sexuality based on appearance" message they attempted multiple times considering that most of their lesbian characters leaned much more towards the feminine side, but whatever. The ending where Zoe is disowned by her mom is devastating, but I'm glad the show went there for multiple reasons. Sadly, not every homophobic parent will come around. And second, Zoe's mom had pretty consistently been the worst and prioritized her own desires and expectations ahead of her daughter's happiness. She literally lived off Zoe for an undetermined amount of years, complaining when she had to get a job. As much as it hurts for Zoe, it's for the best in the long run that she's able to cut that cord and separate herself from her mom. Also, as cute as Zoe and Rasha are for most of this episode, the final scene in The Dot with Zoe and Grace will always hit a million times harder for me. Their connection just goes deeper. As for Maya's story line, it's just more depression angst. Much like in previous seasons, Maya is looking out for everyone else and trying to make them feel better about her situation. Even though Mrs. Matlin and Katie are aware Maya isn't doing well, she manages to paste on a smile in an attempt to give her family one, final, happy memory before she kills herself. I don't even know how else to explain it. It's haunting. Also, the scene where Maya asks Esme to look after Zig.. I'm not crying, you're crying. The parallels between that moment and Maya telling Katie she's happy her sister is around to take care of their mom are very clear with their intent.

(5) #ImSleep: Maya's depression arc was so powerful. I talked a little bit about it earlier, but I just wanted to bring it up again. I'm still speechless over the opening scene of this episode. Rather than containing the usual amount of dialogue, the majority of it is Maya singing the song "Last Exit" and going about her usual morning routine, happier than ever because she's made the decision to end her life. It feels so wrong and disturbing, but that's what makes it effective. Maya's brain has tricked her into thinking there's no other way and that the only way for everyone to be happy, herself included, is if she's not alive anymore. It's difficult to describe Maya's story line. There are a series of "final" interactions that the other characters don't realize are intended to be their goodbyes from Maya. Maya hugs her mom and sister, telling them she loves them. Maya has already basically "given" Zig to Esme, accepting that he doesn't love her anymore, but he has no idea that when he tells her they can't be caught talking that Maya intends to never see him again. Much like with Zig, Maya has come to terms with Grace no longer wanting to be friends, leaving her a final gift through Jonah. But even still, Maya shows up to the awful play for a second because Jonah gives her a ticket. So, on some level Maya wants to be with her friends and the people she cares about while also not 100% giving up on life. But then, Esme of all people is in her seat, sitting next to Zig. The symbolism. Then, Maya gets on a school bus and puts her headphones on as she waits for the pills to kick in, unknowingly paralleling Cam. I'm sorry. There are so many little details the writers completely nailed. Next Class season 3 was a season for longtime fans. Skipping to the end, Maya is eventually found by Zig and Esme just in time. This is something that has big ramifications for Esme's mental state in season 4 and obviously, Zig who experiences a lot of complex feelings because it's very clear he never stopped loving Maya. The episode doesn't end on Maya dealing with the fact she survived. I have mixed feelings about that. The writers wanted to end the season on a hopeful note, so they kind of forced a happy ending involving Miles, Zoe and Tristan, three of the characters least close to Maya at this time. Everything else is honestly so underwhelming for me in comparison. As a Triles fan, I'm happy with where their relationship ends up and that Miles reaffirms that he still wants to be with Tristan after the fling with Lola. I'm happy Zoe and Rasha got back together and that Goldi accepted them both. The scene in the waiting room prior to the tacked on ending was very well done. But in all honesty, this episode is all about Maya Matlin for me and I struggle to care about much else.

Least favorite:

(1) #HugeIfTrue: I love the idea of this episode. Bottle episodes are almost always fun. As much as I dislike the Hollingsworth mansion being a permanent hangout spot because of what it says about how Degrassi's representation of all kinds of backgrounds has shifted to showcasing wealthier characters, the reality is that they used that set a lot. So it made the most sense to have the bottle episode take place there. Adding onto that, there were three Hollingsworth kids, so more excuses to get the characters there. But.. I don't love any of the plots. They're mostly just there for me. The writers owe us all an apology for making us sit through a story line where Maya's tormentors measured their dicks. I did not need to hear Yael tell Hunter he's "way bigger" than Baaz and Vijay. They wanted to make him a heartthrob so badly. Shiny's plot feels so unresolved. The conflict is initially about Shay's discomfort with the idea of sex and possible insecurities over Lola, but then it becomes about how Shay might not accept all of Tiny and needs him to be her ideal version of him. Shay and Tiny apparently made up from that off screen and we aren't meant to be concerned, but... it's a valid question that never gets answered. The next time they're in focus, they've skipped ahead several steps and are ready to sleep together. It's just disappointing not to see their story line more consistently written. And finally, I don't like Mola. I understand why it happened, but I find the two of them so exhausting and overhyped that I groan whenever I think about them. Lola, someone who doesn't want to be a second choice, sleeps with Miles - who has a boyfriend in a coma and is primarily with her to fill a void. By this point, Miles getting involved with anyone who halfway empathizes with him is kind of a tired story line. At least for me. And on top of that, it led to yet another abortion plot that was explicitly a result of an affair. I have all kinds of issues with the weird standards re: every monogamous couple who gets pregnant carries the baby to term or until the pregnancy is lost vs what I just said.

Next Class season 4:

Favorites:

(1) #BackToReality: This episode is so messy. I love it. The primary focus of the episode is the aftermath of Maya's suicide attempt and how it effects multiple characters. First things first, I wish we'd seen the immediate aftermath of Maya realizing her suicide attempt failed. As happy as I was to see Maya in a better place and working to get better, it's always felt like we missed a piece of the puzzle. In season 2 with Hunter, we saw his anger, denial and frustration before finally accepting that he both needed and wanted help. I know the show only had ten episodes to tell the story, but still. Anyways, Esme is the character we're following. Esme's trauma over finding her mother's body combined with Maya's suicide attempt, something that has severely triggered her, has rattled Esme's mental state. Esme's motivations are interesting. I've seen different takes on Esme's role in this episode. Some think Esme is completely innocent when she makes the decision to tell Zig about Saad opening the door to the roof for Maya the night she tried to kill herself. Zig feels deeply guilty, blaming himself for pushing Maya away rather than helping her sooner. As toxic and controlling as Esme's relationship with Zig becomes, on some level she seems to care for him. But at the same time, Esme is also a manipulative person and has a clear agenda, not wanting Zig to go back to Maya. Esme wants to keep Zig in her life by any means necessary. In my opinion, both of these things are true at the same time, which is the beauty of Esme. She's never all good or all bad. We don't entirely know why Esme does what she does. Next Class was cancelled before the writers could officially give her the BPD diagnosis they seemed to be setting up. Regardless, Esme sets in motion a lot of the story lines for the remainder of Next Class. When it comes to Zig, again, he feels guilty for not being there for Maya and recognizing the extent of her pain. He's in an extremely vulnerable place when Esme tells him about Saad. At the same time, Zig has been in Saad's shoes in the past: with Cam. While he and Cam weren't friends, Zig was the last person we see speak to Cam, and their interaction negatively impacted Cam's mental health prior to his suicide. In Zig's eyes, Saad could have stopped Maya and prevented the whole thing. It's total projection and misguided, but I can't help but sympathize with Zig as he's punishing Saad for his own guilt. When it comes to Maya Matlin, Zig always goes on the defensive. But again, it still bothers me that we didn't get a little more of Maya. Years back, there was a (now deleted) Degrassi blog called getdownliberty that reviewed some of the older episodes. When covering Darcy's rape story line, she took issue with some of the aftermath, feeling that Degrassi showed all of Darcy's trauma without any of the healing. Personally, I think we did get some of that in Bust a Move, but she isn't wrong that Darcy's recovery was simplified basically because the writers were ready to be done with Darcy's rape arc. In my opinion, a similar thing happens here. There's some focus on Maya's mental health in other episodes this season (404, 406, 407, 410), but I stand by there needing to be more of Maya's transition from wanting to die to wanting to live. There were other instances on the show where characters either attempted or strongly considered suicide (Dallas, Zoe, Craig, JT, Darcy, etc, just to name a few), but those examples seemed very circumstantial compared to Maya's long term depression.

(2) #Preach: Saad is so misunderstood. That's my only true takeaway from this episode. It's been years since I've seen it, so I'd need to rewatch to refresh myself. But basically, having Saad call out the hypocrisy of how the western world cares about certain tragedies and not others is a stance that has aged very well. I feel like we've seen in the past decade how society will band together to throw money at primarily white, European countries but do very little for countries considered poor or primarily lived in by brown people. It's sickening to think about how much gets overlooked everyday. Saad feels so alone at Degrassi, misunderstood at every turn. When he tries to speak out and explain his views, he's almost immediately shut down with his classmates assuming he's saying something he isn't. Like I said, it's been a minute since I've seen these episodes. I really love the relationship between Lola and Saad that starts forming. She's the only person willing to hear him out. Her extroverted, bubbly personality surprisingly mixes really well with his introverted, careful self. Both are intelligent in their own ways and care deeply about others. They're probably the purest Next Class ship. Zoe's story line is much less serious, but I still enjoy it. Having seen Zoe through many unhealthy relationship dynamics where she felt the need to scheme or force, it's sweet to see her so normal with Rasha. The old Zoe probably wouldn't have been so understanding and patient when hearing about Rasha talking to an ex girlfriend, but the current Zoe gives her the space and the trust she needs. Zoe's still insecure, but she eventually communicates her fears. Plus, it all leads to their first I love you, which I really like. I don't even want to talk about the set up for the Zig/Frankie/Esme threesome. I'm just happy to see Zig cooking again.

(3) #FactsOnly: This is another Next Class episode where I enjoy all three plots enough to talk about them. For the most part, anyways. Yael's character arc is a bit of a blur to me, but I remember liking where they ended up during the final season of Next Class. Degrassi exploring gender identity beyond "boy" or "girl" at all is pretty great. I liked seeing Yael come into their own and to start to feel happy and confident in their gender presentation. Lola was an A+ friend during this episode. Hunter sucks as always, but I guess his reaction to Yael's coming out and how it would reflect on him as a straight guy is pretty realistic. But six seasons into Hunter's run, I truly wouldn't care if the boy stepped in a minefield. Maya's plot is really good. At least from what I remember. The debate surrounding whether it would be appropriate for Maya to perform "Last Exit", the song she wrote before she attempted suicide, at the talent show was interesting. From what I remember, Maya didn't push back on people like Zoe and Goldi not wanting her to perform the song. Craig's return was great. Of all people, Craig would understand and recognize that writing songs about dark thoughts and feelings can help people cope and that this type of art is still valid. I will be annoyed forever that we didn't get a Maya/Craig mentee/mentor dynamic over Maya/sex offender Peter. Craig asking Maya to audition to see if she can open for him on tour <3 Maya hesitating so that she can do what's best for her mental health <3 I don't have any more complex thoughts. I just love this plot. As for Zig.. I mostly enjoy the plot while still feeling disappointed. Zig doesn't get accepted into college. This makes him feel like a loser and kind of aimless when it seems like everyone has future plans except for him. Everything gets derailed by Esme once again kind of pushing her personal feelings onto Zig, this time assuming there's something brewing between Zig and Frankie. And there kind of is? At least at the end of the episode when the three characters enter a throuple. It's hard to describe Zig's story line. Looking at his entire arc, there are things I strongly feel the writers overlooked. His relationship with his family is never resolved. We're left with the impression that his parents never forgave him for joining a gang for protection, putting them in danger as a result. We never see him living in the group home or delve into how he feels about ending up in the place he seemed desperate to escape during the days where he was squatting in an abandoned house. His low self esteem problems are alluded to and sometimes joked about, but never on a deeper level. So more often than not, Zig's story lines relate back to his love life. Somewhat like when he was dating Maya, Zig looks to Esme for validation and panics when it appears he'll lose her. In my opinion, this is more about not wanting to be alone and because of the manipulative nature of the relationship that has rapidly escalated during season 4 more than it is Zig being truly in love with Esme. Regardless, Zig seems to feel he needs Esme at this moment. Tiny tries to help Zig fill out community college forms, but Zig doesn't seem that enthusiastic about them, suggesting maybe Zig was never passionate about going to university in the first place. But again.. this is just speculation and not something that gets a lot of attention. The only reason I'm even halfway okay with Zig throwing himself into the relationship with Esme and Frankie is that this at least feels like HIS choice. Other times, it's the writers who fail Zig by giving him relationship plot lines. But when the character themselves has the choice between potential self improvement and getting validation via sex and romance, picking the latter, I consider that good writing. Even if it bugs me, I can understand how Zig ended up at this point. I promise I like Yael's plot best. Unfortunately, I'm obsessed with Zig and Maya.

(4) #Fire: This is a very busy episode but in the best way. There's Maya, who is trying to figure out if she can still have her dream to pursue music alongside prioritizing her mental health. Honestly, I love all Maya music plots. Music has been one of Maya's biggest priorities since day one, so it's nice to still see that being relevant all these seasons later. I also love under the influence Maya. So it's fun to see her high off weed brownies. It's all portrayed in a mostly lighthearted way, but there's still apprehension due to the fact Maya was recently in a very dark place. I don't mean to always make things about Zaya, but it was definitely intentional that Maya struggled to write a song by herself for the entire episode until Zig helped her. It symbolizes both that Maya should depend on others during times of turmoil so that she can get through as well as how Maya and Zig are at their best when they're together. On Zig's end, he's been in an unhealthy relationship with Esme for months. While things initially showed promise and seemed pretty easy, as time went on it became clear that Esme was becoming a manipulative girlfriend with Zig, knowingly or not, walking on eggshells just to keep her happy. All of their problems are masked by having lots of sex. It's to the point where they've added another partner not because either is polyamorous, but because Esme is looking for any way to hold on to Zig. He's clearly not happy, but not enough to leave the relationship. Then, the tent scene happens. Oh my god, I love the tent scene. So, Zig and Maya manage to write a song together. But then, Zig starts to cry because he's so scared of what might happen to Maya. It's then that he tells Maya that when he and Esme found her on the roof, "it felt like the world was gonna end." It's my OTP quote for them for a reason. It's just another thing that shows how even now, everything comes back to Maya for Zig. Even when they aren't together. He cares about her more than anyone. It's also a conversation the two needed to have. Zig has presumably only opened up to Esme about his pain and guilt over failing Maya, something she successfully used to point him in Saad's direction. Also, the full circle moment where Zig once again asks Maya if something is more important than her dream. In the first episode of Next Class, he asked if music was more important than him (her boyfriend at the time) out of insecurity. Now, he's much more worried about her mental health and Maya's overall healthiness.

Last, the final part of the triangle: Esme. Esme's a mess. While it would be incredibly easy to paint her as a villain and say that she's irredeemable for the underhanded ways she's tried to keep Zig by her side all year, in reality she's a traumatized girl who has never really dealt with her demons. Practically everything we know about Esme and her back story is delivered to us through exposition from Esme herself. She's not a 100% reliable narrator for obvious reasons. At some point, Esme was prescribed anti anxiety meds, suggesting she's seen at least one therapist. We also know that her relationship with her dad is rocky due to him holding Esme responsible for her mom's suicide. We never see Esme's home life or meet her father, so we once again have to cautiously assume Esme is being honest. But considering Esme's pain over losing her mother is something she takes seriously (attacking Miles in 301 when he alludes to people 'leaving' Esme, breaking down in the hospital and saying things that make it clear she's been through this situation before), we have to assume it's all true. There are about a dozen different indications during season 4 that suggest Esme isn't doing well and is in the middle of a prolonged episode. I don't know a lot about borderline personality disorder, but oftentimes those with BPD have "favorite people" that they heavily rely on for things like emotional support and validation. This description fits both Miles in season 1 and Zig during the last two seasons of Next Class. Esme has very strong feelings for Zig and can't handle the idea of losing him. And not to Maya, of all people. For a lot of this episode, Esme is on her best behavior. She wants to fit in with Zig's friends and finally cement her place in Zig's life. On that note, Zig initially kept the camping trip a secret from Esme. It wasn't until Tiny slipped up in front of Esme that she (and Frankie) had any idea that Zig was spending the night camping with his friends. Esme immediately tries to include them, terrified of what might happen if Zig is away from her for too long. And just like all season, Zig automatically caves and tells Esme that everything is more fun when she's around. It's not a clear, "yes, I want you to be there." These two are no longer in an equal relationship, if they ever were. But it's also hard to deny that as much as Zig concedes to Esme, he's also not great sticking up for their relationship or Esme's status as his girlfriend. While he doesn't directly say he isn't in love with her and that she doesn't mean as much as Maya, it's present in his actions. Esme is not going to be in Zig's life for the long haul, and all of his friends are painfully aware of it. God, this is getting long. Esme eventually overhears Zig and Maya in the tent, sending her into a spiral. The desire to once again get Zig's attention back on her causes Esme to fake an allergic reaction, which is the thing that drives Zig away for good. Zig finally breaks up with Esme and it's such a good scene. Esme tries and fails to justify her actions to Zig, placing the blame on him for being alone with Maya. She tries to initiate sex, something she says is what they're good at, but Zig refuses. It's calling out the fact that this relationship never went that deep. But also, it's showing maturity on Zig's end who seemed to highly value sex and what it all meant when he was dating Maya. Now, he's kind of beyond that point and looking to prioritize the emotional connection. The final scene <3 All the parallels <3 Calling back to season 12 with the cello, Zig "saves" Maya's guitar from Tiny who is being too rough with it. Maya's final look at Zig invokes memories of season 14, when she finally realized she was in love with him. This is truly a god tier Zaya episode. In a lot of ways, it doesn't get better than this. I feel bad for having so little to say about Shay and Tiny, but they have sex and it's very cute. I still think more time should have been devoted to their growth as a couple.

(5) #Obsessed: This is another great episode. It's the aftermath of what happened on the camping trip with Zig/Maya/Esme, but mostly it's about feelings and the choices Zig is going to make to be happy. To start with, Maya is helping Zig study, wanting to help him pass his final exams so that he can graduate with his friends. Esme is implied to have taken a toll on his grades, at least as far as season 4 goes. Admittedly, it's pretty black and white. Maya = good, Esme = bad. At least where Zig is concerned. But he still cares about both girls and wants both to be happy. In my opinion, this is a great episode for Zig and really showcases how selfless he's become. Zig wants nothing to do with Esme on a personal level, but because he's aware she's not in a good place he wants to emotionally support her. It doesn't last long because Esme goes back to trying to manipulate him via nudes. This is after the fake bomb threat, something she's revealed to be behind in the finale. I love the emotionally mature place Zig and Maya are finally in. All of the cards are on the table. There's clearly still something between them. The chemistry is still effortless and it feels natural be together again. Both acknowledge that they always imagined going to their senior prom together. But they're also being realistic about the present and the problems going on in both of their lives. When Zig is worried about Esme and feels guilt for no longer being able to handle her ups and downs, he tells Maya rather than trying to keep stuff from her. And oh my god, Zaya! The cute factor is off the charts. The fact Zig immediately says yes to going to prom with Maya without thinking. The fact they spent the night cuddling at her house. The not-so-subtle magical mirror showing Zig and Maya growing old together, implying they're endgame endgame. Like I said, not a lot of plot is happening. Zig finally makes the decision to block Esme, choosing to focus on spending time with Maya and enjoying the rest of high school free of Esme's manipulations. I mean, it's clear even earlier that even after Zig asserted himself when breaking up with Esme, he still can't fully be honest about his feelings. Esme asks Zig if he loves her. We've never seen Zig tell Esme on screen that he does. Zig essentially agreed with Tiny that he wasn't in love with Esme back in season 3. Even after dating her for a year, he talks around his answer, saying something simple like, "You can't just shut that off." I don't mean to sound like I'm shitting on Esme or invalidating what she's going through. But when it comes to Zig, this was a toxic, ultimately abusive relationship where he didn't feel free to voice his true feelings. His relationship with Maya is the complete opposite. It's not at all surprising that when Zig is able to be fully in the moment with Maya, their chemistry and obvious love for each other comes through. I understand why their almost kiss had to be interrupted, but ugh. The eventual Zig/Esme confrontation is hard to watch. It goes about the same as any Zig/Esme argument during these episodes. Esme makes threats and lies to get Zig's attention so that he'll be alone with her. Once they're alone, she jumps back to using sex to keep him with her, even in cases where he isn't remotely in the mood. You see this dynamic and have to wonder just how many times Zig has shoved his true feelings down just to keep Esme happy.

In regards to the other story lines, Miles's plot is probably my second favorite. I have mixed feelings about the way the show handled the aftermath of Mr. Hollingsworth's abuse. It felt like they tried to reform him, but we didn't see any of the work being done on Mr. Hollingsworth's end. He just somehow wins back his wife off screen and everyone except Miles is fine with him. Regardless, Miles and his dad make some sort of peace with the understanding that Miles is going to go off and live his life on his terms. I also love the Triles stuff. They might be the fandom's most hated couple these days, but oh well. Their final dance in Tristan's hospital room is beautiful and a very nice way of honoring their history and how much they've meant to each other. Also, the entire prom is gorgeous. It's probably my favorite prom in Degrassi history if only because of the aesthetic with the fairy tale theme and the dance taking place outside instead of inside.

(6) #KThxBye: Wow, I can't believe I'm almost done answering this ask. Because sadly, Degrassi hasn't released any new episodes since Next Class ended. Anyways, this episode is obviously all about graduation and is a goodbye to the seniors. Other than scenes featuring Esme and possibly Lola and Saad, everything that happens in this episode serves as a conclusion. Zig thankfully walks away from Esme's assault (no idea what else to call it) with only a sprained leg. But poor Maya is the one to find him at the bottom of the hill, calling back to the previous season finale where Zig and Esme found Maya on the roof. It's so mean that the writers triggered Maya one last time. Zig's role in this episode is back to being about his love interests, but he retains his character growth. After everything Esme did both to manipulate Zig and put him in danger, he still defends her, insisting that the push was an accident. It's unclear whether the audience is supposed to agree, but Esme is written to be a sympathetic character who can't help her actions. At the same time, Zig sounds like an abuse victim making excuses. Later, Zig ends up embracing Esme after she destroys the gift she bought him and once again physically attacks him. I don't even know. It's a very noble, kind moment for Zig, but I'm never fully comfortable with it. Degrassi has a bad history of associating deteriorating mental health with relationship abuse, both the physical and emotional kind. Esme is the biggest example, but there were shades of it with Eli when they weren't writing his relationship with Clare like a fairytale. I love where Zig ends up, though. As much as I would have liked to have seen him find his way and get more closure when it comes to things like his family, sometimes life doesn't work like that. Zig got dealt a bad hand in life. He had periods where he was a lesser version of himself, doing things he wasn't always proud of. But in the end, Zig also found a way to get through it and came out of high school a truly good person. Things end in a very hopeful place for him when he makes plans to follow Maya to California. As for Maya, the incident with Zig convinces Maya that drama follows her and that regardless of what she does to find happiness, things will inevitably end in disaster. Grace, now a happier, more optimistic person following her own character growth, is the one to talk Maya through her depressive episode. Maya's seasons 3 and 4 story line comes full circle when her song, "Last Exit", changes from being a message of giving up and accepting death to one fully embracing the future and where life will eventually take her. It's a pretty straightforward story line, but it feels good to see Maya happier and back to dreaming. Also, the final shot of Next Class and Degrassi the franchise (for now) features Zig and Maya literally driving off into the sunset together. I hope we never see them again because I don't trust this show not to fuck things up for them. Zoe's story line is a mixed bag. Matching the tone of the entire episode which is neither completely happy with everything wrapped up in a perfect bow nor misery on top of misery (think School's Out), Zoe ends high school in a good place. She wins prom queen and is named valedictorian. Even though Zoe is the best and happiest version of herself, it's not good enough for her mother who literally disowns her for good on graduation day. It's fucking sad. But we also see that Zoe has gone from a lonely person who sought validation through status and power to a compassionate person with a literal circle of friends prepared to be her found family. Lola and Saad getting together <3 The final montage <3 All the callbacks to past episodes <3 Hope for Esme to eventually find her own happiness <3 Honestly, this is a pretty perfect finale. I hate that Next Class and Degrassi couldn't continue but since it did, I'm very happy with the final episode.

Least favorite:

(1) #ILookLikeA: I don't have super negative thoughts about this one. It's just underwhelming and doesn't have the most interesting plots. Beyond Miles's story line, that is. Hunter is reacting to Yael experimenting with their gender with things like growing out body hair and not wanting to kiss him as often. At least I think that's in this episode? It's been a while since I've seen it. If I haven't made it clear, I can't stand Hunter and literally never sympathize with him. So this is a throwaway plot for me even if it does tell us more about where Yael's head is. Goldi/Winston does very little for me. Goldi's adorable and I don't mind it as set up for the next episode, but I also don't care about the story line.

Anyways, I'm finally done. I can't believe it LOL

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Imagine being Mako’s best friend and a member of the Triple Threat Triad.

Requested by @pikachuzoey​

When Mako left the gang with his brother Bolin you were happy for him. You'd all got involved with the Triple Threat Triad as kids and dreamed of a way out and he found one! You only wished he hadn't forgotten about you the second he left. You'd met Mako when you joined the gang a year after him. You'd run away from home and found yourself at the doors of the triad. You weren't a bender but you were a scrappy child and the leaders saw promise in you. So you were allowed to stay and often got sent on jobs with Mako being the same age. You quickly became friends and looked out for one another. You protected Bolin like he was your own and became close friends with Mako. He couldn't really rely on Bolin, he was young and naive but you were similar to him and he grew to really value having your support and friendship. It made him feel less alone and you in turn appreciated having Mako too...but as you got older you realised you liked Mako as more than friends. You'd been meaning to tell Mako for the past five years but then he left before you got the chance. At first you assumed Mako was just laying low that's why he hadn't been in contact. Then you thought perhaps the gang was stopping him from getting messages to you, so you went out in public places to make it easier for him to contact you. Still you heard nothing. You were starting to worry he wasn't okay. What if he'd been hurt or run out of town. That was the only possible reason you could think of to explain his absence. Then you saw him one day coming down the street and he pretended he didn't even know you.

You were with another boy in the gang the same age as you and were doing some surveillance when you spotted Mako hurrying down the street with some bags. "Mako!" you called excitedly and he looked up at the sound of his name. He looked right at you but didn't return your smile. Still you weren't put off and tried to get through the crowd towards him. In response Mako just put his head down and started walking faster. You stopped momentarily stunned at what had just happened. "Mako...it's me y/n" you tried again in case he somehow hadn't recognised his best friend of 5 years. Your colleague snorted "yeah I think he knows that, that's why he's running away". You shook your head "Mako wouldn't do that, we're friends". "You were" he replied "now he's a law-abiding citizen and we're the riffraff he doesn't want to associate with. Trust me you'll only ever see him again if he needs something illegal". "No, Mako isn't like that! you argued but the boy just smirked like he was enjoying this and Mako disappeared out of your sight. After that, you were annoyed by Mako's behaviour but also wanted answers. You tried getting notes to Mako, sending letters to the arena but months later you heard nothing back. So you decided to go there yourself. You bought a ticket and joined all the other fans in the packed arena. You followed them inside and then slipped off easily down one of the corridors. You saw some people who looked like competitors and followed them down to the changing rooms. From there it was almost too easy. Each door had the name of a group on and Mako's was right at the end of the hall. The Fire Ferrets. You knocked on the door and heard a muffled noise inside. "Just a second!" you heard Bolin call and the door was thrown open. "Y/n!" he cried seeing you but you looked past him to his brother. Mako had been wrapping his hands but froze when Bolin spoke. His eyes shot to the door and there you were. Staring at him with all those questions. "Hi Bolin" you said taking your eyes off Mako "nice outfit". "Thanks" Bolin smiled "It's so come to see you, come in". Mako went to stop him but it was too late. You stepped inside and scanned your eyes around the room. Mako could feel the coldness coming off you and it was only broken when Pabu jumped on. You jumped before smiling "Pabu, it's nice to see you too". Your smile was just as nice as Mako remembered and he could feel himself thawing...so you had to go. "What are you doing here y/n?" Mako asked. It was the first thing your best friend had said to you in months. That hurt. You looked up at him and shrugged "I came to see why you ditched me the second you got your freedom. Don't you think after being best friends five years I'm owed an explanation?". Mako sighed "Bo why don't you go look for Hasook" Mako said and Bolin looked worriedly between you both but sighed "okay". He left the room and Mako shook his head "you shouldn't have come here. Bolin and I are trying not to have any contact with the gang". "So I'm just a gang member to you now?" you asked "all our years of friendship mean nothing to you?". Mako struggled to respond and stumbled over his words but you weren't feeling sympathetic. "There's just a lot you don't understand and I'm sorry but this is the way it has to be" Mako said. "Why? Nobodies going to kick you out of the league for being friends with a gang member, half of the athletes are probably taking bribes from them!". Mako shook his head and just kept muttering "you don't understand" and "too dangerous" over and over again. "You're right I don't understand and I can tell something's wrong so Mako please just tell me the truth!" you cried your voice rising to a shout. Mako looked at you and you thought he was going to break when the door squeaked open. A waterbender appeared and looked between the two of you "friend of yours"? he asked Mako. You went to reply when Mako shook his head "no she was just leaving". You were hurt by his tone of voice and shook your head "leaving?". Mako nodded "yes and I think it's best if you don't come here again. Bolin and I are done with everything related to that lifestyle...including you". You must've replayed Mako's words over and over again in your head for weeks. You just couldn't get over him abandoning you or how cooly he'd done it. You were understandably pretty upset for the next few months and decided you were done with Mako. You worked hard for the Triple Threat Triad and were hoping for a promotion. You heard Mako had become friends with the Avatar and even made it to the finals of the tournament. It didn't seem fair that everything had gone right for him after how he'd treated you but what could you do? So you put Mako from your mind and carried on working hard...only for Mako to finally come clean about everything. Everyone in the gang lived close to one another on your side of town and you had a small apartment to yourself. It had taken you years to get this privilege and you treasured it. So much so, you took precautions when you left each day and left traps to indicate if someone had gone inside your apartment. When you came home one of them had been triggered instead of coming in through the front door you went around to the window which you could jimmy open. Once it was open wide enough you slipped inside and grabbed the crowbar you kept under your bed. You inched towards the living room and peered out through a small crack in the door. There was a figure stood pacing back and forth clearly waiting for you to come home. You stepped back and knocked something off your table on purpose. It made a bang and the figure paused. You backed up into the corner and waited. Sure enough the figure gingerly opened the door and came inside. You came out of your hiding place and the figure turned just as you swung the bar. "Y/n!" Mako cried and you froze. You managed to slow the crowbar down and it just gently knocked against his chest. "Mako?" you asked "what on earth are you doing here? I thought you never wanted to see me again?". Mako shook his head "I had to say that, y/n i'm so sorry. Please let me explain". You told Mako he had five minutes and still gripped your crowbar tightly. "I was saving up money so I could afford to buy you out". "Buy me out?" you asked and Mako nodded "before I left I told Shady Shin you were coming with us but he said I didn't have the authority for that. You still had 3 years of service to work off and so you couldn't leave...not unless I paid for your years instead". You shook your head "but how much is that?". Mako shook his head "that's not important, what is important is I finally made enough and can get you out of here! You can start a new life, become a doctor, a teacher anything!" he smiled "you'll be free". You grinned before an idea occurred to you "but why didn't you tell me? Why keep it a big secret and act like you didn't know me". Mako sighed "I didn't want to but I knew I wasn't supposed to have contact with anyone in the gang anymore. I worried if I was still hanging around you he'd move you to another city or punish you for being friends with me. I had to keep the attention off you until I'd made enough and now I have!". You nodded "okay so what happens now?". "Pack your stuff, we're going to shady shin" Mako said beaming. 10 minutes later you were on your way to Shady Shin's headquarters. You didn't have many belongings but that didn't really matter. You felt lighter than you had in months finally reunited with your best friend but the other gang members weren't so happy to see him. When you reached the most popular hangout, the hang members outside stared at Mako and yourself but Mako stared right back and they didn't stop you from entering. You finally made your way to the inner section and one of Shady Shin's men spotted you and smirked. "What do we have here? Did someone get lost?". "I'm here to see Shady Shin, we have business to finalise" Mako said and the man glanced at you. He smiled "sure, go on it" and gestured for you to go into one of the backrooms. You went into a dim room which you figured was an office. Shady Shin was talking to some men but he smiled when he saw you both. "We'll finish this later" he told his men before walking to you and Mako "to what do I owe the pleasure Mako?". Mako didn't return his smile "I'm here to cash in on our deal. I've raised the funds to buy out y/n's contract". "Is that so?" Shady Shin asked and Mako nodded passing him an envelope. "It's all there, feel free to count it". Shady Shin leafed through it and then shook his head "it's no good". "It's all real and I earned every penny!" Mako cried. Shady Shin shrugged "it's not the money that's the problem but the price..it just doubled". Shady Shin smirked and you felt the room get hotter courtesy of Mako. "You can't do that! We had a deal!" Mako cried. Shady Shin just shrugged "did you ever get it in writing? No...then I guess it's your word against mine". "Y/n is leaving with me tonight" Mako said through gritted teeth and Shady Shin smiled "oh yeah? You're welcome to try" and he pressed a button on his desk. Men filtered on from the outer room and blocked the exits. "You really don't want a fight" Mako said and you wondered what on earth he was doing, there was no way he could take on 10 guys. Shady Shin thought the same because he laughed loudly "I think my men are more than capable of dispatching one fire bender". Mako shrugged "maybe but what about her?". Suddenly the skylight above Shady Shin smashed and a short but muscly young woman landed effortlessly on the floor. "So" she smiled "who thinks they can take on the Avatar?". The men paused but of course with their inflated male egos they soon recovered and started heading towards the Avatar. That just made the girl smile though "I was hoping you'd say that and she threw a water whip at the nearest man. Mako immediately sprang into action sending fire at another and not wanting to miss out you joined in too. You'd heard the Avatar was amazing, after all she had stopped Amon and saved the city but seeing her in action was something else. She was amazing and took out one guy with a punch to the chest alone. Mako had also clearly been practising and soon the room cleared. "More will be on the way" Korra said kicking one man to the ground "come on we've got to go" and she earth bent the wall away. You ran all the way to the docks when you finally stopped by the docks. You clutched your sides catching your breath and Mako leaned against a wall but Korra didn't even seem winded "nice to meet you by the way, I'm Korra". "I guessed" you laughed "only the Avatar could fight like that". She smiled looking at Mako "I see why you like her so much". You both blushed before the panic set in "wait what are we doing? Shouldn't we keep moving in case they come after us?" you asked and Korra smirked "after the beating we just gave them? They'll be down for a while". You shook your head "but eventually they'll come for us. That's how shady shin is". "That's why I'm sending you somewhere safe" Mako told you "Air Temple Island is the safest place in the whole city, especially since Korra moved there". The Avatar nodded "you'll be safe with me y/n". You paused "but what about you" turning to Mako "he'll come for you to get revenge, why on earth did you do that?". "Well there is one more thing I should tell you and I want you to let me explain before you freak out...I'm not a pro-bender anymore. Starting Monday I'm a Republic City Police Officer". Your eyes widened "you're a what!" and Mako nodded "I know, I know but trust me I know the chief of police and she's a good woman. Sure there are a lot of crooked cops, we know that but she's a good leader and she wants to root them out just like I do. I'm going to change the system from the inside out and also Shady Shin will hesitate to attack me now I'm an officer". You paused "are you sure...I still don't get why you'd risk all that. Just to help me". Mako shook his head "are you kidding? I can't think of a better reason to risk myself than for you". You blushed and Korra smiled "I'm gonna go check out the water" and she excused herself. You watched her go before turning back to Mako "honestly it's weird to hear you say that after everything that happened...after going almost a year with you refusing to speak to me". Mako nodded "Y/n I'm so sorry for that. I thought it would keep you safe but now I realise I never should've trusted Shady Shin in the first place...but you're safe now and I promise I'll never turn my back on you again. I'll always be here for you y/n". "You say that now but you've left before" you said softly and Mako frowned "I did...". "So what's to stop you from doing it again?" you asked and Mako almost broke at the sad sound of your voice. He didn't know he'd hurt you so badly and he knew he had to do something about that. "Well I know it might've seemed like I left but I always planned on coming back for you...but that did take me a year so I can see how that might not be a comfort. How about if I promise to always be honest with you starting right now?". You nodded "no more lies?" and Mako nodded "I promise and in the spirit of that I should probably confess something...I like you y/n. I have since we were 14 and you took out that bender twice your age and height in one move. I thought you were the coolest, hottest and smartest person in Republic City and I still think that. That's another reason why I'd never leave you, not properly because I wouldn't be able to. I need you y/n". You blinked taking it all in. This whole night seemed like a weird dream and you couldn't quite process it. "Y/n?" Mako asked after you hadn't spoken for a few seconds and you laughed "I...I gave up any hope of this so long ago. It doesn't seem real" you admitted. "Well it is" Mako replied "I'm here...if you want me". You laughed "that's all I've ever wanted" and fell into Mako's arms. You fit together effortlessly and Mako wrapped his arms around you carefully like you were a precious valuable. "I'm so sorry for everything y/n but I promise this is the start of something new for us both...together" Mako told you. You smiled as the fog cleared and Air Temple Island came into view. Korra jumped up from a rock and smiled "you ready to see your new home?". You nodded "so ready" and took Mako's hand, stepping into your new freedom.

[fifics]

Zeke Yeager In my words - and thoughts.

From how i psycho analyze his character. And how he would be in a possible romantic match.

Zeke is a very complex personality. I ALWAYS THOUGHT about this, even before we all knew his past. I just refused to speak it. To admit it. So, from where should I start ? Well Zeke, he can become manipulative, in a way he can “switch”. Emotional people that “switch” their ways to process emotions are very dangerous. BUT he has something very very good. He’s a fixed personality. He is firm. We know he’s smart, but when I call him smart I mean his way to process emotions. Maybe he is one of the best ones out there. Or even the best in doing that. That’s exactly his problem. Because he can “turn off” the emotional side.

He is very emotionally mature - he rationalize the emotions, what can cause damage in a match to both of you it’s his inner child.

He’s also very emphatic and shrewd ( BUT HE HIDES THAT) people with high emotional logic and emotional trauma tend to do it. So he refuses to guide his sense with empathy.

He’s emphatic which is great because he WOULD KNOW. trust me, he would know something is going on, just by analyzing your voice tone, or the way you look at something or even just your breathing rhythms.

But he can possibly act in two ways ( to be honest there’s more options ) but the main ones are: Being direct but soft or a tease depends the situation, but very careful. Or indirect where he pretends he doesn’t know nothing, pretends he doesn’t see. But remains silent. You know what a loud tense silence is ? That will be his way to say without speaking “ I can see you”.

They made him the type of personality that can easily be toxic but addictive to me. He hides his emphatic side. He speaks with his eyes, his eyes are raw. Eye contact with him would be the best because he can undress a person. But he avoids at all costs showing that. And there’s a thing if he genuinely wishes it he’s gonna genuinely protect and comfort emotionally - Will use his rational side mix it with it his emotions, and that is rare for someone like him. But so special. That’s why I think he’s rare somehow. But it’s also very dangerous. This type of character made me love tragic endings. And he was that right from the start. It was notorious. And the end he got ? I really wanted that ending for him or did I convinced myself that ? Because why was I feeling so sad about it ?

Also I associate this song with him. - will make a post separate explaining why.

Consider this a draft or a PART 1. The analyze here is very incomplete. Will post more about soon.

[krabstick32]

Girl Code

Pairing: Giyuu x Reader

Synopsis: Having crushes are hard. Especially when your best friend and the person you like seem to be hitting it off. 

Tags/warnings: very very very light angst, mostly fluff uwu

a/n: first of all, happy new year! school got reaaaal busy, so whew! it’s been a while! not gonna lie, I really missed writing stuff! I got a few days worth of break, so hopefully I get to finish a few backlogged reqs. (I think I only have two left, but to those two, I sincerely apologize for the wait! I’m planning to write them as headcanons to get them out faster, so I hope you don’t mind!)

to @aliaisreal​, thank you so much for requesting and being so patient with me 🥺 i apologize in advance if it’s not very good :(( it’s not my best work, but I hope you still enjoy it and that it’s somehow worth the wait^^

Link to the ask: Request by @aliaisreal​

As the Insect Pillar, and the successor of the Butterfly Estate, Shinobu Kocho was one busy woman. She has a lot of responsibilities on her plate such as slaying demons, concocting medicine, and the like, so it was safe to say that she had no time to babysit anyone but—

“Shinobu!” The door bursts open and one of her… self-appointed responsibilities come prancing right through the threshold. “How about we go out to the village and have some lunch, hmm? My treat!”

Even if her skin felt like it almost flew off in shock, her smile stayed the same as she arranged the papers she intentionally threw around her desk when you came barging through the door. It wasn’t like you immediately coming in shocked her or anything. No, not at all. “Hello to you too, (F/N). Not that I particularly mind, but why so sudden?”

At that, your cheeks turn an adorable shade of red. In your excitement to invite her out to eat, you forgot to greet her first. “Ah, hello. But, back to the topic of lunch!”

Shinobu didn’t really change the topic, but she waved a hand as an indication for you to continue.

“Well, you seem stressed lately. I was hoping to treat you out y’know? And then you could rant and tell me all about it—only if you want to of course, no pressure at all!”

She sighed. For the past few days, Shinobu was starting to get a little frustrated with the current medicine she was trying to make work. On top of that, she needed to handle so many other things, and do missions, check in on patients, cook—well, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, but it was starting to get on her nerves. 

It was no surprise that you were starting to notice because even if you seemed a little too enthusiastic at times, you were still her best friend and a pillar at that—you wouldn’t be here without being exceptionally skilled and observant. Overenthusiasm aside, she—and everybody else included—knew you meant well. 

“I don’t know,” She hums, excited to see how you’ll react. “Are you done with your portion of the work? You looked a little distracted earlier, what with Tomioka-san—“

With the mention of the water pillar’s name, your sweet closed eyed smile turned sour as you immediately placed your hands on her mouth to stop her from continuing that sentence. “Y-Yeah! Yeah, I’m done! You know I don’t slack off. All the patients are fine and I've stitched up the few whose wounds opened.”

She was just teasing. Shinobu was well aware of your skill and work ethic, and while Shinobu was gifted in medicine, particularly pharmaceuticals, you had an uncanny knack for cutting people apart, and stitching them back up again. You were as skilled with a scalpel as you were with a sword.

“I’m just teasing (F/N)-chan.” The Insect Pillar replied, and couldn’t help but want to push more of your buttons as your face seemed to relax at the thought that she wouldn’t mention a particular someone. “But are you sure you’d rather invite me? I’m sure you’d rather ask Tomio—“

If your face was pink before, you were absolutely glowing right now as you put back your hand on top of her mouth. “Shinobu! You know I...you know I don’t like him like that! Besides, I am positive he likes someone else.”

She shrugs your hands off—which were slightly clammy, ew— as she shows you a devilish smile that has you sweating more. “Lie all you’d like, but I don’t think that’s something someone who ‘doesn’t like him like that’ would say, don’t you think?”

Ah, teasing was fun, but teasing you and tomioka were one of the few pleasures in life she made sure to enjoy.

“...Stop teasing me or I will eat without you.”

“Okay, okay, let’s go to that ramen shop in the village.”

Everyone didn’t give the great Inosuke-sama enough credit!

He was raised by boars, grew up in the wild, and treated the mountains like his home. Insouke may have lacked skill in what society normally taught, like proper etiquette, and reading, but the wild was a great teacher on its own, and taught him things he wouldn’t have learned in the company of other humans.

Spending his entire life out in the wild, Inosuke was able to learn how to heighten his senses, particularly his sense of touch, and how to observe. He may have been clueless in the socially acceptable ways to voice out what he sees, what he feels, but Inosuke is perceptive, and that’s what people normally wouldn’t associate with someone who was as stubborn as a rock, and as brash as a beast.

Inosuke—and Kentaro, Nezuko, and Monitsu for that matter—usually spent their time at the butterfly estate. The three of them—mostly Tontaro, really—helped the girls. Cooking, laundry, cleaning, lifting heavy things, were simple chores that they did, and afterwards, Inosuke would often find himself looking for you and Shinobu.

He always felt this...fuwa-fuwa feeling around the two of you, and he thought both of you were like that Gengoro, his sister, and reluctantly Chuitsu.

There was a day where Shinobu was out on a mission, leaving you partially in charge of the butterfly estate, and spending some time with Inosuke. Personally, you found Inosuke to be interesting due to his origins, and overall, he was fun to be around with. Surprisingly, both of you really complimented each other despite being both huge balls of energy and enthusiasm.

That day, you and him were having a little spar by one of the yards around the estate. To an outsider, it was absolutely funny seeing him, who had a more built body compared to your lithe frame, getting thrown off and beaten to a pulp with a wooden stick. If Shuitzu were here to see the spar, he would be laughing his ass off in that pissy, slightly disgusting high-pitched tone at the many times Inosuke was thrown down. Manchiro would probably observe though, and would probably encourage him that he could beat you one day while helping him with his wounds.

Contrary to popular belief though, Inosuke was well aware he couldn’t beat you, at least not yet. Regardless of the way you looked, he could feel it in his skin that you were a formidable opponent who could easily break his bones if you wanted. Seeing your strength for himself was an opportunity he saw where he could get stronger, even if it did frustrate him a little. Or a lot.

“The great Inosuke demands a rematch! A rematch!”he demands, fussing against the ground as you lower your sword and stand up straight from your last breathing form.

“Ahaha, okay, okay! But I’m feeling a little tired…” you pause and place a hand on your chin with a thoughtful look. In a few seconds, you snap your fingers and turn back to him with a bright smile. “Ah! How about we take a break first? Then you could go back to handing me my butt?”

Inosuke knew you weren’t tired and that technically, you were the one handing him his ass. You weren’t heaving a lung out like he was, or sweating bullets. You were the picture of calm and collected, pristine like untouched snow, without a hair out of place.

Inosuke huffs and pushes himself off the ground. “Fine! Insouke-sama permits it!”

“Wonderful! Wait here.” You chirp and pad back into the butterfly estate, leaving Inosuke to unceremoniously plop back down to the ground.

A few minutes pass, and he feels his skin tingle—someone was here, but they didn’t seem to have any malicious intent. It would have felt different if there was.

He looks up from his spot on the ground and spots the hanhan baori guy, his face looking the same as it did the past few times Inosuke saw it. The odd guy was just passing through the gate when Inosuke pushed himself off the floor, wooden sword pointed between Pochioka’s eyes.

“Hanhan Bao—!”

Before Inosuke would have finished his proclamation to fight, you were back standing at the engawa with a tray of sliced fruit, and bamboo cups filled with cool water. “Inosuke? What’s wro—Giyuu! What brings you here?”

Huh. That was odd.

“(F/N)-san.” Inosuke goes uncharacteristically quiet as his eyes darted between the two of you.

It was completely unmistakable. Hanhan Baori’s mouth moved when you arrived. Inosuke honestly thought Dohioka was a magic statue before this day.

You turn to Inosuke and place the tray in a safe spot. “Here, eat first. I’ll just ask what Giyuu needs, and we can spar right after, ‘kay?”

“‘Kay.”

At his response, you give him a warm smile and pat his head (there was that darned fuwa-fuwa feeling again!). He watches as you and Tapioka move a few meters away, settling underneath the shade of a tree to talk, a bit too far away for him to hear.

He doesn’t think he needs to though, because your body language said it all.

Your face was a little flushed, your smile looked even sweeter. Hanhan baori’s mouth was curling upwards in a smile, and his eyes looked fond. A suspicious combination for someone who he previously thought was a statue up until now. But he digresses. He’s never seen you look so...like this. You smiling wasn’t much of a surprise, but with Pachinko around...it was different, and Tochioka seemed more open to boot. There wasn’t much of a doubt in his mind. There was something between you two. He just couldn’t put a name on it—but there was something. Maybe he should ask Monjiro about it.

He munches on the fruit thoughtfully, watching you smile softly—softer than he’s ever seen—as you seem to answer a question Torioka asked you.

Yep, definitely something up between you and Tomioka.

Maybe he should extend his help. After all, the great Inosuke-sama was the kind ruler of the mountains. Pushing you two along would be a piece of cake.

Shinobu catches you pouting by the window in your joint office. It was adorable, considering how your cheeks were puffed, and your eyebrows were furrowed, but with your personality? Sulking wasn’t like you. “Care to tell me what’s wrong?”

Surprised, you jump and turn to find the Insect Pillar with her ever present smile painted on her face. It seems softer though, kinder. “Huh? No, nothing’s wrong!” You disagree, pushing yourself off the chair and tidying up the papers scattered on your desk.

She watches you with a small knowing smile on her face. “What, didn’t see Tomioka-san today?”

You paused for a moment, imperceptible to any outsider, but to Shinobu, who has spent so much time around you, that momentary lapse in movement was enough of an indicator. “...No.”

Hit the nail right on the head!

“You are a terrible liar (F/N)-chan. I thought the two of you were getting along? Should I go put poison in his tea?”

At her suggestion, you turn back as your skin pales. It was largely concerning how easily Shinobu could do that. “What? No! He did nothing, I swear it!”

“Awfully defensive,” The Insect Pillar snickers, before taking a seat on her chair and turning to you. With you pouting at her, Shinobu is reminded of how fun it was to tease you.

“Shinobu-chan.”

“Teasing.” She raises her hands in a move to placate you. Well, annoying you was fun and all, but she was concerned for you, more so than wanting to piss you off. “Anyway—jokes aside, you know i’m always here for you, right?”

You knew that. She was always willing to listen to your problems, but you couldn’t exactly tell her that you’re trying to distance yourself from Giyuu because he liked her.

Truth be told, you were getting along with Giyuu, so much so that you’ve started to like him as more than a friend. But, you cared for Shinobu and you wanted her to be happy. She and Giyuu made more sense than you and him.

“...Yes.”

“And that I love you like a sister, right?”

Despite all the teasing, you knew Shinobu really cared for you. She may like to push your buttons, but oddly enough, it reminded you of one of your siblings, so you didn’t mind. Just like your relative, you knew they did it because they wanted to distract you from your problems. An odd way of doing it, but they really would have gotten along.

“Yeah.”

“And that I can easily kill a man and hide his body?”

“Shinobu-chan!”

She laughs, the sound very similar to bells, and you can’t help the bitter thought that maybe Giyuu liked someone with a mellow voice like hers. “Kidding! Kidding! Well, kind of on that last one.”

You pout, and she brushes off her statement with a near irresistible bribe. “Alright, how about we go get some food? My treat.”

Awfully tempting. But there was still one more concern in your head.

“No poison?”

“Have more faith in my, (F/N)-chan!” Giggling, Shinobu slides the door open, and beckons you over. “Now, let’s go—I’m sure you’re hungry!”

“You didn’t answer my question!” You say, trailing after her in mild worry, feelings momentarily forgotten as the thought of food replaces it.

It was any other early evening in the butterfly estate when the Water Pillar barged in through the doors, blood dripping from an open wound on his chest, with the oddest expression on his face.

Maybe what should have alarmed the butterfly girls were the deep scratch marks on his chest. Instead, it was the near half-crazed look on his face. Tomioka-san’s face never moved from it’s impassively cold stare, why was now any different?

“Where is she?” He rasps.

Aoi, who was standing at the entrance with Kiyo upon his arrival, was brought out of her shock. “Tomioka-sama, lie down. Kiyo will lead you to a room and I’ll get Shinobu-sama immediately to take care of your wounds.”

“No, where is she? Where’s (F/N)—”

From the end of the hall, you came down to see what all the huff was about. You were taking inventory of the supplies since it was a little slow today, but the ruckus urged you to go out and take a look.

“Giyuu? What’s going on he—ohmygods, Giyuu, are you alright?” Seeing Giyuu pale—well, paler than normal—and bleeding all over the floor was not what you expected though.

“(F/N)...” Seeing her alive and breathing eased Giyuu’s worries, so much so that he sags in relief. He would have dropped down the floor if it weren’t for your quick reflexes.

Lightly, he feels you press a hand to his head, wiping the sweat forming on his brow. 

“Giyuu? Stay with me, we’re going to fix you right up, ‘kay?” There was no doubt in his head that you could. He’s been in much worse really. The blood loss just wasn’t doing him any favors.

Regardless, he shakes his head and just savors you being here, warm and alive.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I thought you were dead.”

“Dead? Who, me? No, silly! I just sprained my ankle, so walking’s a little hard, but i’ll be fine!”

“I thought I was going to lose you...” He was starting to babble. The blood loss was starting to affect him more than he’d thought.

“Lose me? Don’t worry, I’m not going away any time soon.”

“Good…” Giyuu breathes out a sigh of relief. He liked the thought of you living for a long, long time. “I like you a lot.”

With that admission, his head slumps over your shoulder, and his body gets heavier, prompting you to nearly drop him with the weight of his sudden confession and his mass.

Aoi and Kiyo watches, shocked beyond words as your face continuously gets redder and redder. Whether it was from the exertion, or his words, well, everyone knew exactly what was causing you to look like a freshly plucked apple.

“H-Hah?! Wait, Giyuu? Giyuu!”

And that is the sight that greets Shinobu. She was back from a report to Oyakata-sama, so seeing you all red and flustered with a fully grown man who was bleeding all over her floor and who was about to fall over and kill you—with his weight, or with his words, Shinobu could easily guess which—was an especially unusual sight, but unfortunately, not really unexpected. And mildly infuriating.

“Tomioka-san, you total dunce! Get treated first! Ugh, (F/N)-chan, don’t let him fall, he’s losing blood!”

“Ow—“ Giyuu grunts, the bandage being wrapped around his torso a little too tight for his taste.

“Tomioka-san.” Shinobu starts, her hands continuously steady as she wraps the bandages with precision and efficiency around his chest. “I don’t think we’ve had a heart to heart chat about (F/N)-chan, don’t you think?”

After Giyuu’s surprise confession, you and Shinobu were able to drag him to a nearby room. He was passed out cold, and between you two, carrying a fully grown man would still be difficult, even if you’ve both had special pillar training.

He woke up a few minutes after you were done stitching the open gash at his stomach which caused his bloodloss (and slightly embarassing fainting spell). These unfortunate series of events have led him here, painfully being bandaged by none other than Shinobu. It wold have been nice if you were the one doing it, but Shinobu sent you to go look for more bandages with this sickly sweet look in her eyes—which you barely noticed in your worry. The worry was sweet, but now he knows Shinobu’s motives. Interrogstion.

Giyuu could do nothing else but nod, doing his damn best to not flinch, and keep still.

“You see, she really likes you, you know? I’ve never seen (F/N)-chan happier than she is when she’s with you. Honestly, I don’t know why she does, and what she sees in you but I like seeing her happy. You and I both know that she deserves it.”

Giyuu watches her wrap the bandages with practiced ease albeit with a little more force than necessary. Hearing Shinobu talk about you so fondly has him feeling grateful that you had someone who cared so deeply for you, and who was so willing to do anything to keep you happy. Even if the brunt of her attacks did fall on him, he could understand where she was coming from.

“She does,” Giyuu says, surprising Shinobu as she finds the softest, most fondest look she has ever seen on Giyuu’s immovable face. For a moment, Shinobu could see that he cared so much for you—as much, if not more than you cared for him—and she knew that he would never do anything to hurt you.

Unbelievable. She can’t believe he passed her test so easily.

She lets out a heavy sigh, turning back to the task at hand with a saccharine smile ready on her face.

“All that said, If you hurt any part of who I see as my beloved sister, I'll make sure to use my medical expertise to ensure you don’t get a chance to spread your genes—”

The door slides open with a nice loud clack, preventing Giyuu from hearing the rest of Shinobu’s sentence. Just as well too. He doesn’t think he’d want to hear the rest.

“Shinobu-chan! I’ve got more bandages for Giyuu!”

“Ah, thank you, (F/N)-chan!” The Insect Pillar smiles, taking one of the fresh bundles you offered, as you moved to the side of the room, arranging the medical supplies for easier access.

Shinobu leans down, under the guise of tying the gauze, as you flit around the room, spreading sunshine in your trails. None of you mention how you blatantly avoid eye contact with Giyuu. But it’s not like he’s initiating any either.

“I don’t think I need to continue my sentence.” She mumbles under her breath. “Do you understand?”

Giyuu winces as she tucks in another piece of bandage, grumbling in response. “Loud and clear.”

BONUS:

Later that night, Shinobu left the two of you alone in Giyuu’s hospital room to talk it out. It was a little awkward at first, but as the two of you melt the ice, your usual sunny personalty—ironic, as you were the Snow Pillar—takes over. Throughout the course of the evening, you take out his hand with his permission, and have the time of your life holding it. It was a little funny how stiff and unused he was being at hand holding, but you found that to be one of his unexpected charms. And it wasn’t like he was complaining. He actually found it adorable how small your hands were, and how it fit really well against his own.

“So you don’t like Shinobu?” You ask a little shyly, playing with the tips of his fingers.

Against your skin, you feel him shiver in disgust as he looks slighty disgusted by question. “Gods, no, never.”

“So you were serious about liking me? It wasn’t a joke?”

“I don’t think I’d joke about that in my final moments.”

You giggle, feeling a little silly for even questioning it. But really, you don’t think you could be blamed for it. “You have a point.”

The two of you stay in comfortable silence for a while. He watches you trace vague shapes against his palms and he’s never felt so at peace before, than he did at this moment. After a while though, a curious thought strikes him, and he can’t help but want to ask.

“...What made you think that?”

The tips of your ears stain pink before you look away and bring one hand to your cheek. “Well I thought you two liked each other, and it seemed like she suited you much better than I would.”

“I only ever liked you. I thought I was being obvious.”

As blunt as ever.

“Ahaha!” You laughed, getting flustered in spite of the warmth pooling into your chest. “Well, I guess not enough for me.” It’s not as if you were able to notice. You did think he liked Shinobu after all. “By the way, why did you think I was going to die?”

He look up at the ceiling. “One of Tanjirou’s friends...that boar kid told me you couldn’t walk, and that you couldn’t move.”

“Inosuke? Oh, that…that actually makes a lot of—a lot of s-sense!”

Giyuu watches you fondly as you laugh. In your defense, the thought of you spraining your ankle being blown out of proportion by none other than Inosuke was funnier than you ever expected.

“Don’t laugh.” Giyuu pouts. It was the most adorable thing you’ve seen. “By the way he said it, I really thought you weren’t going to live to see another day.”

You breather deeply, giggling a little as you look at him with mirth and happiness dancing in your eyes. “Okay, okay. I’ll explain it to him tomorrow. But I guess I should thank him. If you weren’t nearly half-dead on your feet, neither of us would have confessed.”

“Yeah. I‘ll go with you.”

“Cool! Cool...Um, Giyuu?”

“Yes?”

“Could you maybe… perhaps, say that again?”

“Say what, again?”

“That you like me?”

Giyuu chuckles, giving your hand a light squeeze. “I like you.”

He’d say it a million more times if he gets to see you smile like that again.

“Heehee, I like you too Giyuu!”

a/n: i got a little sick of rereading this so many times, so, apologies for any grammar/spelling mistakes!! i hope ya’ll liked it though uwu

also, are any of you playing genshin impact? man, that game saved my sanity, and at the same time caused more insanity....it’s fun.

if u guys wanna play, feel free to send me your uid’s! i’m at world level 6 so i can go into most worlds :^)

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt: Fic snippet proposed by @myakkoh​ (tumblr) or BlueSapphire718 (ao3):

“I’m what?” Lan Qiren squawks, since this is the first time he’s heard anything about this. “Sworn brothers with me,” Wen Ruohan drawls. “A memorable night, really.” Lan Qiren stares. “What.” “What’s wrong?” Wen Ruohan sneers. “Can’t speak properly to Da-ge?” “You,” Lan Qiren says, “cannot be Da-ge. It sounds wrong.” “Oh?” “You, are two generations older than me. I am only sixteen.” “All the better,” Wen Ruohan says smoothly.

------------------------------------------------

Spilled Pearls

A/N: If Tedious Joys is the story of LQR's relationship with Sect Leader Nie and how WRH impacts that, then this is the story of LQR's relationship with WRH and how Sect Leader Nie impacts that.

Please note the tagging on Ao3 for all warnings, including as to tone

- Chapter 1 - ao3 -

Lan Qiren was running to catch up, because he was always running to catch up.

He’d only been allowed to join this particular night-hunt because of Lao Nie’s interference – his brother hadn’t wanted him there, specifically because Lan Qiren was slow and overly fixated on details and not all that handy with a sword – and he was determined not to fall behind. But he was slow, as always, and tired more easily than the others, and then he got distracted and realized a considerable distance had opened up between him and the rest of the group.

He ran to catch up –

He tripped.

He was going to fall flat on his face, he realized as he pitched forward, throwing his hands up in front of his face to try to blunt the pain since humiliation was already a given. He probably wasn’t far enough behind for them not to see this, and then his brother would turn his face away and sigh, aggravated, his shoulders slumping in disappointment at how Lan Qiren had lost him and their sect face all over again.

Lan Qiren was so bound up in his gloomy thoughts that it took him a moment to realize that he had not, in fact, hit the ground.

Someone had caught him.

Even now, they were holding him by the shoulder, keeping him from falling the rest of the way down with a single hand; the posture was awkward, and must be uncomfortable for them.

Lan Qiren straightened himself up immediately and dropped into a deep salute. “Thank you for your help –”

He looked up.

“…Sect Leader Wen,” he finished weakly.

He stared briefly up into red eyes before averting his gaze. He’d thought it was Lao Nie who’d come back to help him, and out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw the familiar Nie colors turning back to the group – perhaps he had come, and was now leaving, since help wasn’t necessary any longer.

He hadn’t expected it to be Wen Ruohan, an ancient monster two generations his elder despite his deceptively youthful face – he hadn’t even realized that Wen Ruohan had decided to tag along on this night-hunt, though of course once he thought about it, it seemed perfectly reasonable. He, like all the other sect leaders, was here for the discussion conference, and a small forest town in the vicinity of the Cloud Recesses did not offer much in the way of other entertainment for outsiders. Why shouldn’t he come along on the night-hunt?

“It’s no matter,” Wen Ruohan said, and it probably wasn’t, for him. Someone with his level of cultivation could hold a kid like Lan Qiren up for a week without noticing the strain. “Did you get distracted by something back there?”

“Small blue flowers,” Lan Qiren said. “Typically associated with certain healing herbs, none of which are native to this area, and growing under an oak of all things; I was wondering if the placement had been deliberate and, if so, by whom and for what purpose. Not to mention when, since those aren’t perennial herbs; they have a longer growing cycle that requires certain meteorological conditions –”

“Aren’t we hunting serpent demons today?” Wen Ruohan asked, and Lan Qiren flinched.

They were, of course. And serpent demons wouldn’t exactly take the time to go plant healing herbs in a wild patch, so it had been a totally pointless diversion.

As usual.

“I got distracted,” Lan Qiren mumbled, his earlier enthusiasm squashed. “I’d say it won’t happen again, but it probably will, and do not lie is a rule.”

Wen Ruohan gave an amused huff. “Ah yes, the famous Lan sect rules. Do you often follow them?”

“Always!”

A hum. “I see. Well, the others have gotten rather far ahead, and I hear the sound of fighting – they must have already found the serpent demons, and will no doubt finish them off by the time we catch up.”

So he’d missed it. Lan Qiren’s shoulders drooped in disappointment.

“Why don’t you show me your flowers, instead?”

Lan Qiren looked up. Wen Ruohan was smiling.

“If you’re sure,” he said cautiously, but Wen Ruohan shrugged and nodded, and, well, Lan Qiren was supposed to be making friends with the members of the other sects, wasn’t he? Maybe no one had been thinking about the Wen sect, especially since Wen Ruohan’s last set of children had all died – someone had broken the prohibition on gossip in Lan Qiren’s presence and suggested that Wen Ruohan had something to do with that, rather than it being just bad luck, and that he’d done it because he thought he was a real immortal and therefore could always start anew, but the idea was so appalling that it surely couldn’t be true – but there wasn’t any real reason to exempt his sect or even him, either. Friends were friends, weren’t they? “It’s this way. Follow me.”

Wen Ruohan put his hands behind his back and followed Lan Qiren back towards the tree he’d found, his every motion slow and stately as if he were walking in a garden rather than the forest. Lan Qiren found himself mildly jealous.

To distract himself – envying others was against the rules! – he started explaining about the flowers he’d recognized and the types of herbs he thought the plant might be, citing the treatises he’d read about their usual spread and growing patterns and the uses for each one. Somewhere along the line he got distracted, though, because Wen Ruohan mentioned something about the Lan sect rules again, except he got it wrong; there was no rule against excessive verbosity, only against frivolous speech, and while there was a positive rule that counseled speaking meagerly, that was explicitly meant to avoid words that could bring harm and therefore did not apply to intellectual discussions.

Delighted as always to talk about his favorite subject, Lan Qiren promptly launched into an explanation as to the history of the debate as to whether there should be an affirmative prohibition against excessive speech, the various points on either side, the historical texts on the subject, the storied history of the rules regarding the need for an exchange of ideas in furthering education balanced against the exhortation not to take words lightly…

“Look at me,” Wen Ruohan said, and Lan Qiren obeyed at once. Wen Ruohan was his elder, although not of his sect, and by this point Lan Qiren was used to elders disapproving of how his flickering gaze tended not to settle on people and his preference to look at things through his peripheral vision, and of being ordered to meet their gaze.

Wen Ruohan’s eyes were red, as he’d noticed before, and his gaze was heavy and thoughtful, somehow ponderous. It felt almost like pressure against his skin or maybe his mind.

Maybe I should change subjects or be quiet, Lan Qiren thought to himself, the thought coming to him almost involuntarily, but then he realized that if he did, Wen Ruohan wouldn’t hear about the three-day conference that had been held in his great-grandparents’ generation that specifically focused on the rules that related to speech. And that would be an awful shame, wouldn’t it?

So he kept going.

He kept up the eye contact, though. The elders didn’t always like that, either – when he did hold someone’s gaze, he would stare too directly and too long, not knowing when it was appropriate to turn away, but he figured Wen Ruohan would simply tell him. He’d reminded him about the eye contact earlier, hadn’t he?

“How old are you?” Wen Ruohan suddenly asked, just as Lan Qiren was taking a deep breath, having finished explaining the conference and about to launch into a discourse on the follow-up texts that had been written in the immediate aftermath.

Lan Qiren blinked, distracted by the apparent non sequitur. “Thirteen,” he said.

Wen Ruohan hummed thoughtfully. “Thirteen. Interesting.”

“Is it?” Lan Qiren asked, bemused. “I think it’s a rather boring age. I’m old enough for more chores, but not old enough to have free access to the library or go on night-hunts on my own.”

Wen Ruohan chuckled. His voice was very deep. “I was more commenting on your strength of mind, which is remarkable for your age. I do not recall the age itself,” he said, his tone a little dry. He was ancient, so it was reasonable for him to forget having been thirteen. “Has anyone ever told you about the ways in which cultivation can be used to influence the thoughts and will of others?”

Lan Qiren thought about it. “I think so? There’s a text that says that weak-willed cultivators can be swayed through external pressure wielded by a stronger person’s cultivation, and the larger the power gap between the cultivators, the more effective the influence can be…I don’t remember which text it was, though. I could look up the citation for you when we return –”

“No need. I am not in search of sources.”

Wen Ruohan probably had his own library full of sources, Lan Qiren reflected, and nodded.

“Oh, we’re here,” he said, noticing, and pointed to the flowers. “See, like I told you earlier, it has the characteristic qualities of –”

“Qiren!”

Lan Qiren flinched.

That was his brother’s voice, and he didn’t sound happy.

“Sect Leader Wen,” his brother said, striding into the clearing where they were standing and saluting in a somewhat perfunctory fashion. “I appreciate you taking the time to watch over my younger brother – please forgive him for any impertinence or insult –”

Lan Qiren’s shoulders were up by his ears and his whole face was red with shame. He hated how his brother apologized for him before he even checked whether Lan Qiren had even done anything; it was embarrassing that his brother always thought so little of him.

Maybe he wasn’t talented the way his brother was, but he wasn’t that bad, he didn’t think.

“Think nothing of it, Qingheng-jun,” Wen Ruohan was saying in return. “We were merely spending some time together. I assume the serpent demons have been taken care of?”

“Yes, they have,” Lan Qiren’s brother said. “There’s some debate regarding the disposition of the corpses, if you’d like to join in – forgive us both, but I have to take my brother back to make sure he doesn’t miss curfew.”

Curfew wasn’t for another two shichen, so Lan Qiren had no idea what his brother was talking about, but he obediently saluted Wen Ruohan and followed his brother away.

The moment they were out of view, his brother reached out and grabbed him by the wrist, squeezing far too tightly, and tugged meaningfully, glaring when Lan Qiren opened his mouth to protest.

Lan Qiren didn’t understand what his brother was trying to convey.

“Xiongzhang,” Lan Qiren started to say, and felt his lips abruptly seal together – it was the muting spell. He could break it, of course, being a member of the Lan sect as well, but his brother was his elder; he should wait patiently until he removed it. Still, he was a little indignant that his brother felt the need to use it on him. He didn’t even know what he’d done wrong!

(The glare, he thought. The glare must have been a secret message to not speak, and he’d missed it.)

His brother didn’t say anything as they got on their swords, and he didn’t let go of Lan Qiren’s wrist, either, tugging him along as if he thought Lan Qiren was stupid enough to get lost on the way home. A feeling of shame, the sensation of having made some terrible error and not having realized it again, settled in Lan Qiren’s belly and steadily got worse and worse as they traveled.

It wasn’t until they were back at the inn that was housing everyone during the night-hunt that his brother released his hand.

“You shouldn’t let yourself be alone with Sect Leader Wen,” he said, which surprised Lan Qiren – he’d expected his brother to jump straight into listing out all the ways Lan Qiren had embarrassed him at the night-hunt. He hadn’t been expecting his brother to say something like that at all.

“Why not?” he asked, and his brother glared at him. “You didn’t want to babysit me, and I was falling behind. He wanted to see the flowers –”

“He was humoring you,” his brother interrupted. “Everyone always humors you, but no one actually ever cares about whatever nonsense you’re rambling on about this week. Don’t you know that especially powerful cultivators can affect the mind of the weak-willed?”

Lan Qiren blinked. What a strange coincidence, both his brother and Sect Leader Wen mentioning the exact same thing. “Yes,” he said. “I know. In fact –”

“I don’t want to hear another one of your stupid citations,” his brother said, cutting him off, and making Lan Qiren feel stupid and resentful again – he hadn’t even been about to cite anything! “Anyone who’s ever met you can figure out that you’re little better than a half-wit, all right? Wen Ruohan is a petty person, capable of anything, even only on a whim. Don’t spend time alone with him. Consider it another rule.”

“You don’t have the authority to make rules!”

“Do not disrespect your elders,” his brother snapped, and Lan Qiren bowed his head, acknowledging the point. “Now do me a favor and stay here until the conference is over – I should be back with the rest of them, acting in Father’s place as the sects divide up the spoils. I can’t believe I’m here taking care of you again instead.”

Lan Qiren wrung his hands together. He hadn’t intended anything like that. “Xiongzhang –”

“Have I made myself clear?”

“…yes, xiongzhang.”

“Good.” His brother was on his sword and flying back towards the forest before Lan Qiren could even blink. He hadn’t even bothered to say goodbye.

Lan Qiren supposed he didn’t have to. It wasn’t like Lan Qiren was going anywhere.

At least, not yet. He was already thirteen – less than ten years and he’d be advanced enough to go anywhere he liked, to be a traveling musician and cultivator the way he’d always planned. He’d be able to help people and spend time with anyone he liked, or not spend time with anyone at all if he didn’t feel like it, and there would be nothing his brother could do to stop him.