#but some of these kids are willingly choosing to misbehave

[thebookbakery]

the school district i work for gave staff a stipend a while ago under the condition that if you quit before the end of the school year you have to pay it back…

i wanna start a gofundme or something so i can buy my way out of here

[woonybin]

T_T: Bitterness

T_T

When your routine sounds like this, 

“Bangun. Kerja. Kuliah. Existential dread. Be lonely. Play video games. Workout. Eat. Sleep. Nightmare about mom or dad. Or uncertainty. Wake up. Repeat. Suck my dick whoever said all is well.”

And your mindset reeks of this,

“We all know that the world is designed to depress the hell out of you. It only makes sense that so many of us all are bitter pieces of sh*t. Cuhhh, we LiVe iN a SoCieTy.”

Does it qualify as you being bitter? Or is it just your reality? Your doom? Are you indeed doomed and there’s no fucking way out or is the universe better than that and you just choose to give up and willingly receive the massive L that the universe hands you?

We've asked all 80 souls of you, whether the reason why some people are bitter is because they're unhappy or because the world is bitter. 

70% of you said it’s because they’re unhappy, and the rest said it’s because the world is bitter. What information we obtain from this result is that 70 percent of all you 80 Light Eaters believe that if you are bitter, it’s basically your fault. Not the world’s fault. So it’s really you against the world. It’s you vs this shithole we call life. 

So, the question arises: Why are you a bunch of bitter pieces of stardust? And why do you REMAIN to be bitter? Is being bitter something that is inexorable or is it something that you can overcome? How can we better understand our family and friends who imprison themselves with their bitterness? 

We’re here in an endeavor to comprehend each other because learning is fucking fun. Let’s break this shit down in this week’s Thankful Thursday: Bitterness.

One thing is certain: No society is immune from behavioral disorders.  Everybody misbehaves sometimes, and everybody has an unlovely or even repugnant flank of themselves. And it is Kid Cudi (it’s a synonym for the word crucial) to note that humans who have become emotionally bitter are not necessarily bitter, passive-aggressive and conflict-seeking all the time. Like anyone, they have good and bad moments, but they simply have more bad moments than good ones.

Is bitterness inherited? 

The answer to this question is yes and no. It's not inherited, but can be contagious. No sh#t, it IS contagious. You are likely to have your good day ruined when an emotionally bitter person crosses paths with you, or when you stumble upon a bitter ass tweet on your tl whilst you're just sitting and minding your damn business sipping your last mug of water before bed trying to rest yourself after a long day at work. Bitterness can be inherited in the sense that every adolescent person goes through that bitter phase in life but you're more likely to grow that anger and mature it into bitterness when you're constantly exposed to hostile people and environment and when you have troubled ass bitter ass homo sapiens as your parents or just somebody very close to you. Bitter people can trigger in others an array of emotions, many of which are negative and distressing and even frustrating. The effect of being around someone who is emotionally bitter is as complex as the bitterness construct itself. 

How do human beings become bitter?

“The soil of bitterness is a heart that harbors hostility and does not deal with hurt by the grace of God. When someone becomes bitter, the bitterness takes root in the heart and grows deeper.” - Hebrews 12:14-15. 

The seed of bitterness is a hurt that is planted in someone. It may be intentional or unintentional. Feeling bitter draws from a subset of various feelings, including sadness, anger, and disappointment. Bitterness by definition is anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly; resentment. Bitterness grows from pent-up resentments. 

It could be the dread and trauma and angst that life has been bombarding you with since childhood that is the main root cause of your anger and resentment towards the world, it could be some bad things, really really bad things that happened to you, it could be a massive loss of your loved one, it could be your depression as well as other psychological disorders that you might be battling, it could be who you have to live with every day, it could be the thing you hate doing but are obligated to do or otherwise you starve, it could be your brokeness in any sense of the word, it could be the bitter motherf#&%s you are helplessly surrounded by. There are many reasons as to why a person or even a group of individuals can have such a damaged and distorted view on the entirety of the human population and hence become bitter towards the world. The reasons and causes can range from subtle but continuous afflictions that become more and more agonizing as the days go by, to an excruciating fuck shit that happens once in your life and fucks you up since. 

How disadvantageous can bitterness be?

This question is again a good reminder that it is Frank Ocean (it’s a synonym for the word important) to recognize that the behavior of bitter individuals reflects an ornamentation that has nothing to do with you and has more to do with their own accumulated sadness, anger and disappointment. Albeit it is counter-intuitive. 

When you are bitter, you do not subscribe to or are not able to accept and follow what is expected in adult, social interactions. Hence you tend to have conflictual relationships in multiple realms of your life.  

People in proximate personal and professional relationships with bitter individuals often feel that they can't ever win with you; they always end up feeling that nothing they do is ever good enough and they inevitably get trawled into confusing and perplex and agitating conflicts or lightly tense interactions. 

Bitter individuals hold and carry an overwhelming amount of anger, sadness, and disappointment, and they often secretly feel anger toward themselves, and are enslaved by it. Bitter souls can be so heavily absorbed by the set of negative feelings they live with that they do not have enough of a proverbial clear mind to practice reciprocal respect and acceptance of others' feelings and needs. 

When you are bitter, your drive to assign responsibility externally and to blame others bridges the socially-approved expectation of rectitude and fairness in relationships, hence you do not show empathy for others in many situations. You find yourself blaming others when things go wrong or when things do not work out as you wanted or expected, for the reason that you operate from a blaming and non-empathic viewpoint to begin with. 

When a bitter homo sapiens individual's mood is negatively triggered; this is the bad moment when they are prone to engage in conflicts and to try, consciously or unconsciously, to induce or persuade the same negative feelings in others. Bitter people feel a blend of strapping negative emotions that they can't handle or sit with. In result, they tend to seek to discharge or offload these negative feelings on the nearest object so they don't have to carry them alone any longer. Albeit bitter humans might be beleaguered to admit it, when you’ve spent quite some time being around them, you might have seen that when they have upset others, in the most confusing and seemingly sadistic way, it is somewhat gratifying for them. In other words, they may feel better because they made you feel worse.

How can we overcome bitterness? 

Forgiveness. That’s all. If you believe in spirituality, it’s probably less tricky for you to find a solution for your bitterness because you can just look up the Holy Books and do what God or The Universe says to help yourself.

If you believe in Christianity, there are Bible verses for the bitter heart:

"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6: 14-15

"When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” John 8:7

"So watch yourselves. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”  Luke 17: 3-4

If you believe in Islam, there are Quran verses for you:

خُذِ الْعَفْوَ وَأْمُرْ بِالْعُرْفِ وَأَعْرِضْ عَنِ الْجَاهِلِين

“Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the ignorant.” Surat Al-A’raf 7:199

 وَلَمَن صَبَرَ وَغَفَرَ إِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ لَمِنْ عَزْمِ الْأُمُور��

“Whoever is patient and forgives, verily, that is among the matters of steadfast determination.” Surat Ash-Shura 42:43

If you believe in Judaism, there are verses from the books of the Tanakh scripture to help you, one of which is:

יחלֹֽא־תִקֹּ֤ם וְלֹֽא־תִטֹּר֙ אֶת־בְּנֵ֣י עַמֶּ֔ךָ וְאָֽהַבְתָּ֥ לְרֵֽעֲךָ֖ כָּמ֑וֹךָ אֲנִ֖י יְהוָֹֽה:

“You shall neither take revenge from nor bear a grudge against the members of your people; you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.”

The Torah, (Leviticus 19:18) 

If you believe in the wisdom of Buddhism, you are probably aware of the principle that practicing forgiveness is essential to nirvana, the ultimate state of compassion and wisdom all Buddhists aspire to attain. Forgiveness is a way to end suffering, to bring dignity and harmony to our life. Forgiveness is fundamentally for our own sake, for our own health. It is a way to let go of the pain we carry.

If you believe in Hinduism, you’ve got The Vedas to help you have an understanding of forgiveness:. 

“ There is one only defect in forgiving persons, and not another; that defect is that people take a forgiving person to be weak. That defect, however, should not be taken into consideration, for forgiveness is a great power. Forgiveness is a virtue of the weak, and an ornament of the strong. Forgiveness subdueth (all) in this world; what is there that forgiveness cannot achieve? What can a wicked person do unto him who carrieth the sabre of forgiveness in his hand? Fire falling on a grassless ground is extinguished of itself. And unforgiving individual defileth himself with many enormities. Righteousness is the one highest good; and forgiveness is the one supreme peace; knowledge is one supreme contentment; and benevolence, one sole happiness.” 

- Mahabharata, Udyoga Parva Section XXXIII, Translated by Sri Kisari Mohan Ganguli.

And if you don’t believe in theology or any sort of spirituality or higher power, that’s where things get quite tricky to tackle. But fret not, you’re among many! There are whole communities of unbelievers across the face of this planet. For instance, just search up “Richard Dawkins” or “Ricky Gervais” on the google search engine. You ain’t alone. Although you are. I mean, you’re not alone but you are alone. 

And lastly, how can we help each other? The answer is empathy, patience, and compassion.

“We’ve got to be as clear-headed about human beings as possible because we are still each other’s only hope,” said James Baldwin, in a conversation with Margaret Mead about forgiveness. 

The first step we have to do is be aware that the dismissive personality manner within emotionally bitter individuals tyrannizes the bulk of their interactions and relationships with everyone, not just you. Without the empathy that is expected of grown adults and given their tendency to operate from a blaming frame of mind, the individual's social interactions would hugely be complex and bleak. We have to understand that they are emotionally injured individuals. They haven't yet figured out how to handle their own ugly feelings in a way that allows them to meet the normal expectations or standards that the vast majority of adults have for social interactions. When we are fully aware of that, the next best healthiest step you can make is avoid engaging with the bitter homie when they are triggered. And then when their mood is a little lighter you can try your best to tuck in your effort to help them by talking to them or luring them into fun activities that puts joy in them because after all they’re just human beings. 

After all, most of us Light Eaters have subsumed etiquette as a function of socialized development.

THIS IS THE SECOND ARTICLE OF OUR THANKFUL THURSDAY SERIES.

T_T

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Ex’s & Oh’s

Word Count: 3.8k Author’s Note: This song is part of the song drabble game and it’s inspired by Ex’s and Oh’s by Elle King. However, it ended up taking a different tone than that of the song but I think it’s for the best. I feel like I’ve invariably made this a “How I think BTS would be like in dating and in bed” in fic form fml. Please don’t be offended by any negative portrayals of the boys, this is just a silly fic, don’t take it seriously.  Oh, and there is a teeny bit of a twist at the end ;) You can read the first installment of the song drabble game by clicking on the following: Back To Black (Tae), It Will Come Back (Suga), Florida Kilos (Sana), and Je Suis Malade (Mina). 

The situation you were in was absolutely ridiculous. You felt like you were in a really bad drama. The most cliche kind, but here you were in real life, your parents demanding that you find a suitable suitor or else you would be cut off from the family fortune. What kind of fucked up situation is that?

You couldn’t protest much. After all, you were an adult now, and you shouldn’t still be relying on your parents’ money. But the way you think of it is that your parents are extremely well off. You’ll inherit enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life, if not more, provided that you don’t have kids to waste your money on, and clearly, you weren’t planning to do that, not that you’d ever tell your parents, not until you absolutely have to anyway. So why toil through some thankless job and live your life in a constant state of misery and stress when you could just enjoy your life with the money you take from your parents?

And they were more than happy to oblige, saying that their money was made for you and your siblings anyway. But apparently, that money doesn’t come for free. There is a hefty price attached to it, your freedom. So much for unconditional parental love.

They say they’re doing it for you so that you wouldn’t spend your life alone. They’re not going to be by your side forever. Who’s going to take care of you when you’re sick? Blah blah blah.

They suggested finding a suitor for you if you didn’t want to do it yourself. Hah! as if you’d let them do that. You’re not a house cat they can pick and choose a mate for.  No, you’re just going to have to find a guy you tolerate enough to marry. Maybe you’d make it clear to him that it’s just for show.

But no, then he might blackmail you and try to get some money out of it. You can’t do that.

Maybe when your parents find you “happily” dating someone they’d forfeit the marriage thing and let you be. Afterall, they said they wanted your happiness, and that doesn’t necessarily mean marriage.

You wouldn’t have agreed to this whole absurd situation if you weren’t thinking about it yourself already. You didn’t have the best track record when it comes to dating but you were at that age where all your friends were starting to get married one by one. You woke up one day and suddenly everyone else had their own lives and families and you were all alone. Watching your friends interact with their partners, the subtle touches, the meaningful gazes… they rekindled a need within you, and you found yourself wanting what they have.

You needed a man from a good family, someone charming and classy, someone your parents would eat up, and that’s why you chose Jin.

He was a parent’s wet dream. He hailed from an old and respected family, who were very well off themselves. He knew exactly the right way to act in every situation. Every action he did was graceful and every sentence strung beautifully. He was also his family’s only son, set to inherit the whole business and he was leading it like he already did.

For your part, he was total eye candy. Tall, dark, and handsome. If he had lived long enough in the past, you would have easily believed that prince charming was inspired by him. He knew how to treat a woman, always respectful and thoughtful. He opened doors for you, pulled back your chair, never let you exert yourself. In short, he completely pampered you.

And damn, those shoulders on him! When you were wrapped up in his arms, you believed that nothing could hurt you.

But as the days went by, you realized the nasty power of nostalgia. It can make shit look like chocolate through its rose tinted glasses. Prince charming only looked good in the past, but if you bring him to the present, he’s just another sexist asshole in beautiful packaging.

To say Jin was old fashioned would be an understatement. Yeah he never told you to clean the house and make him a sandwich, he had servants for that, but he believed that a woman had her place and a man had his, and they should never overlap. Any questions you had about his business, just to make conversation, just to ask how he’s been, were quickly brushed off with a metaphorical pat on the head and an unsaid “Look, she thinks she’s people.”

In almost everything, Jin treated you like a queen, but he belittled your intelligence and doubted your abilities. You never really cared about work anyway, but being told you can’t do it… that was unacceptable. You had the right to choose and you were just as smart as him, you just chose not to utilize it.

The final straw was when he casually mentioned taking over your part of the company when you get married and after your parents die. He said it so matter-of-fact, like there was no question about it, that you couldn’t stop yourself from throwing your drink at him. It was red wine too. Good luck getting that stain out, asshole. Nobody talks about your parents dying, nobody tells you what to do with your parents’ hard earned money.

Maybe insulting his vanilla sex life on your way out was a bit too much, but it felt so good. You hadn’t politely faked way too many orgasms in order not to bruise his inflated ego, just to deal with this shit. You’ll miss his dad jokes though. They were stupid but only in the most hilarious way.

You needed someone different. Someone who would be the complete opposite of Jin, and you found that person in Namjoon.

Namjoon was an example of a hard worker. He came from a middle-class family but that’s not where he’ll stay. He was destined for great things. No one could challenge his work ethic and no one could match wits with him.

He made you strive to be a better version of yourself. He encouraged you to care about your family’s legacy and not to squander their efforts like that. Late night talks with him were always revealing, making you discover aspects of yourself you never knew existed.

You wouldn’t expect such an illustrious man to be such a beast in bed but oh god he was. He was all daddy-like and dominating. Pinning you with his smoldering eyes and giving a smirk that shows just a hint of his dimples. He ordered you around and punished you when you misbehaved. You’d think after Jin’s domineering attitude you would be turned off from dominant men forever, but Namjoon knew just how to play you so you’d willingly submit, beg for it even.

He was the perfect specimen.

Sadly, you yourself were very flawed. You just couldn’t keep up with him. He demanded more out of you than you were willing to give. You were a lazy bitch, you knew it, and it would do you no good to pretend that you aren’t. It would only make you burn out. So you had to let him go, He deserved to find his superwoman who would rule the world by his side.

New money, you could smell it on him from a mile away. Still, he was a breath of fresh air after the grind that was your time with Namjoon.

Taehyung lived a life of luxury, compensating for all the things he was deprived of as a child. Gucci was his favorite brand, perhaps the only one he knew. He dressed himself in it from head to toe. His phone case was Gucci, hell even his socks were Gucci. Overkill, he reeked of it.

But he knew how to dress, unlike so many others like him. He had a peculiar fashion sense, but it somehow fit him. It might be because he had the visuals of a god. You suspected he could make a trash bag look fashionable.

If Namjoon was a beast in bed then this boy was a freak. He always came up with the most perverted stuff. Apparently, he had nothing to do with his time pre-fortune other than coming up with creative ways to fuck the girls who were throwing themselves at him even then. He had learned quite a few tricks in his time.

You’d began avoiding him when you knew he would want to have sex, not because you didn’t enjoy it, but because it was always so intense you felt like it would kill you.

Taehyung never spared anything on you, showering you with gifts, taking you out for dinner in places even you have never been to, taking you on impromptu vacations on his private jet. You’d began expecting him to invite you over for marshmallows toasted over a bonfire made from stacks of cash, or taking you golfing where the balls are made with fist-sized diamonds.

Nobody would ever call you stingy, but you felt like you would have a stroke from watching the amount of money he could blow in a single day. You tried talking to him about it multiple times, but he wouldn’t listen. He suffered to get this far and he was going to enjoy it. Nevermind that by this rate he’d run through his entire fortune, and yours too if you marry him, soon enough. He was too blinded by the glamorous life to care.

Well, you weren’t going to marry someone just to have him spend your money for you. As for Taehyung, he was getting tired of you avoiding him, and soon enough you caught him in bed with not one but two women at the same time.

Caught is a strong word, it wasn’t like he was trying to hide it. To him, it was just another thing he could buy with his money.

You didn’t stick around long after that, but you didn’t leave without making sure to “accidentally” smash his favorite, really expensive camera.

You were done with business men, they were too jaded. You needed someone who hasn’t witnessed enough of the world to lose all hope in it.

Optimism lies personified in Hoseok. He’s truly an admirable person. He has dedicated his life helping kids growing up in less than ideal situations, channel their anger and fear into dancing. He was the reason a lot of these kids were still with one foot firmly in this world. He always knew what to do and what to say to make someone’s day. You must have saved a country in your past life to get someone like him to notice you.

He didn’t have a lot of confidence in himself but to you he was beautiful. His smile lit up the world, a contrast to his eyes that held a profound sadness you were scared to touch but that made him human and not the angel you sometimes mistake him for.

There was an intensity in his love-making that was reminiscent of his dancing in the way that they were the only aspects of his life where he was one hundred percent honest with himself. The emotional aspect of it touched you in ways that sometimes freaked you out, but that made the orgasms all the more soul-shaking.

His voice was raspy in the most soothing ways. Your favorite time of day was the early minutes of every morning he’d spend gearing you up to face the world ahead of you. He said the silliest things, things you’d roll your eyes at if they were said by anyone else, but he made them sound reasonable.

Until they didn’t. He dealt with every problem the same way, no matter its magnitude, as if every problem could be fixed with a smile and an unfounded belief that things will get better. Which was the cause of endless one-sided arguments with him, where you’d try to get him to be more proactive and he’d smile and nod then repeat to you one of his many feel good quotes.

You later realize that his optimistic attitude was more for his sake than anyone else’s. If he lives by it long enough then maybe he’d believe it. Fake it till you make it.

You tried to get him to open up. Knock down his brightly painted walls and get to the root of the problem but he resisted with all his might. You don’t know what exactly you would have done if he had actually let you in, you sensed that whatever was behind his sad eyes was way out of your scope. You tried anyway but you guess you’ll never know because soon after that he broke up with you.

You were disrupting his bubble.

To hell with dreamers. What this day and age requires is a man rooted firmly in fact.

Despite being a musician, Yoongi wasn’t the least bit inclined to their fanciful ways. he was a tell-it-like-it-is kind of person while still seeming to possess a secret key to an endless supply of creative genius.

With Yoongi, you learned for the first time the meaning of comfortable silence. You didn’t have to compulsively fill every pause in conversation with mindless chatter to avoid the creeping insecurity it inspires. You learned how to be partners and not other halves. You both lived your own independent lives that you shared together.

Yoongi was a man of few words but that only made the times he spoke truly count. He loved sharing his music with you. You could see that your wide eyed admiration really got to him. It made all his hard work seem worth it.

Yoongi came from a harsh background. He sacrificed so much for his craft. He gave it his all, and so seeing the woman he loves be so enamored with it felt like a divine reward.

He often bragged about his ‘tongue technology’ on his mixtapes, and you were blessed to know that this wasn’t only restricted to his rapping. Rumors about his laziness were completely unfounded when he could spend hours eating you out. His style of love-making was languid and easy going, not because he lacked the energy to go harder but simply because he loved to take his time and savor the moment.

To no one’s surprise, Yoongi eventually found success. Some would say he sold out, you knew better, but it still didn’t stop you from throwing those insults at him. With his newfound success, there was simply no time to spend on you. Even those comfortable silences you so enjoyed became too distracting for him because of your uncontrollable tendency to talk. Who could blame you? It was the only time you got to see him anymore.

In the end, you had to give him an ultimatum: Either he finds a way to spend a little bit of time with you or you part ways. You could see the pain in his eyes, but he was too good of a man to continue this relationship when he knew it would only be hurting you.

Yoongi taught you the meaning of 'The One That Got Away’.

You vowed to yourself that you’d never again love someone who wasn’t going to put you first.

Jimin loved in excess. He contained so much love in his tiny body enough for two people. He was a veritable teddy bear, the protagonist of a K-drama. Always writing you little love notes, bringing you thoughtful little gifts for no other reason than his happiness to have you around. He was incredibly considerate, no down, no matter how slight, was missed by him, and he made sure to never leave you upset by anything in the world.

Jimin was a true switch. He fit the role of a dominant, submissive, and everything in between perfectly. There was never a dull moment with him. He knew just how to mix it up. And that ass was sculpted by the gods. You’d often catch yourself staring at it like a hormonal teenager.

You never were a much of a fan of kissing, to the derision of all your friends, but you had a newfound passion for it with Jimin, a late awakening. He had the softest, most sweet lips of anyone who has ever existed, and you took the chance to kiss them every chance you got.

Jimin taught you the importance of communicating your feelings. He never left anything unsaid. And maybe that’s why the cracks in your relationship came to light much sooner than it would otherwise have. You see, for Jimin it was all or none, and he demanded the same of his partners. You gave him your all until you had nothing left to give but you still came up woefully lacking. He ran you dry. You just didn’t possess the amount of love he did. You’d come to know that some people just felt everything more strongly.

Unfortunately, for Jimin, he couldn’t tell the difference between that and you not loving him. He just couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea that not everyone was made like him. How could he possibly fathom your dearth of emotions when he himself had so much.

You weren’t sure who ended it. He who was convinced that you were withholding your love from him, or you who were beginning to think that there was really something wrong with you.

Jungkook was a desperate move on your part, you admit it, but he was a sweet guy, incredibly funny and smoking hot, smart and perseverant. He still retained much of the vigor of childhood in him and he taught you to let loose, to not rush yourself into old age yet. He made you feel connected to the world.

When that boy set his mind to something, he let nothing distract him, and that trait extended into the bedroom. He made it his mission to learn where all your buttons were and how to push them. He was insatiable. His eyes twinkled with mischief and he loved nothing more than to tease. Unpenetrable patience was the inevitable side effect of being with him.

Jungkook was a Jack of all trades, master of none. He was eternally flaky. And despite sometimes seeming to possess a level of maturity beyond his years, he was still a young adult after all, and you weren’t prepared to place your bets on him, just for him to decide he actually wants something else.

He took it badly. You now realize that you might have been his first heartbreak. Even though you were sad for him, and for yourself, you didn’t feel too guilty. Everyone needs a first heartbreak. He’ll learn much from it, about himself and about others.  

You appreciated the time you had with every single one of them and treasured everything they taught you, keeping it close to heart and making use of it to live your life to the fullest. But in the end, you were back to square one.

Your parents had witnessed it all, all the heartbreak you had experienced and caused, and they had since forfeited their order. But what use was it when you have already tasted love and now yearned for it?

Maybe you really weren’t destined for it, after all, you muse as you shift your eyes around the meeting you were currently in and obviously paying no attention to.  A pair of eyes catch yours, a stunning gorgeous pair of eyes that belong to an even more beautiful face. The face smirking at you from across the table is a familiar one. It belongs to an employee of a company you were doing business with.

The woman was alluring, to say the least. You always listened to her when she talked, everyone did, that’s why you weren’t listening today, she was silent, but she was apparently observing you. For how long, you didn’t know. Your face heats up. You hope you didn’t have a derp face on while you were zoning out, the last thing you want to do is to embarrass yourself in front of her.

She was the perfect woman. Smart, accomplished, confident, sexy, assertive, and ambitious. God, she intimidated you. You both loved and hated attending these meeting with her. You were always self-conscious around her, but you risked humiliation just to be near her and hear her unique voice once a week.

She raises an eyebrow at you and you realize you’ve been staring. God, why were you such an embarrassment to yourself! You put your cold hands on your cheeks, trying to soothe the flames contained in them.

Thankfully the meeting ends, and you get up and attempt to make a run for it, and hopefully, you’ll regroup and be prepared for next week’s challenge… but a voice stops you in your tracks.  

You scrunch your face, cursing your legs for not being more agile, then turn around towards her, offering her your best smile, trying to undo everything that happened in the last fifteen minutes with it. “Yes, Miss Kim?”

“Oh, you make me sound so old. Call me Hyuna, and I’ll call you ___. Deal?”

The sound of your name on her lips makes your knees turn to jelly and you hang onto the door to stop them from buckling.

“Deal.” You squeak, then clear your throat. “I noticed you didn’t say anything today. I normally look forward to your remarks and speeches. They’re very helpful. You’re very smart.” You babble, suddenly finding the doorknob very interesting.

To your surprise, she doesn’t tease you or make a snide remark about you saying you look forward to listening to her talk. Instead, she laughs sweetly and gushes, “You think so? It’s such an honor to hear that from the daughter of such an influential businessman.”

“Oh, that’s only my father’s work. I really know nothing about the business. It’s all him and my siblings.” You shrink back, ashamed.

“Hey, look at me.” Hyuna coaxes, and when you look up you’re startled to see her standing only a few inches away from you. “You’re capable of great things. I can see it in you. You just need to find something you’re passionate about.”

You flush, looking down and whispering, “Thank you.”

“And the first step to do that,” Hyuna says, lifting your chin up to look at her, “Is to never be afraid to look anyone in the eyes.”

You smile, but can’t really follow her order when she is biting her lip so enticingly. You shake your head and muster up every kind of strength left in your shaky body to say, “Hey, we have a cafeteria here on the third floor. It’s horrible, the worst coffee you’ll ever taste but, um, would you like to go down for a cup anyway?”

Her eyes light up in a way that screams 'Finally’. Or maybe you were just imagining it, but she smiles and says, “I’d love to.”

Author’s Note: This was written with the help of some great ideas from my lovely readers. It's really different than anything I’ve done before. I hope you guys liked it. Any kind of review is greatly welcomed. 

[theramseyloft]

Please don't compare autistic people to animals. It's super not cool.

I’m assuming you’re referring to this quote from the ask about pigeons and parrots.

“And if your mom is prepared for that and able to deal with what amounts to an autistic 5 year old with wings who can scream literally as loud as a jet taking off and bite through a broom handle for the next 60-80 years, then awesome!More parrots deserve a home that’s actually prepared for them!”

And I am sorry if that was offensive to any one. Another friend pointed out that it might be, so I went back and made the following edit to the post, immediately following the paragraph above.

“(Before any one gets concerned, I am autistic! I do not describe parrots this way as an insult. The similarities are just glaring to me, and if the thought of living with an autistic human child is upsetting, you should really rethink getting a parrot.)”

I stated at the beginning of the post that I’m not good with words either. 

Writing is the way I communicate most eloquently. I literally can’t talk like this vocally, unless I’ve spent HOURS practicing.

If I don’t mean any harm by it, I often can’t see how it could be hurtful, and I depend on more socially adept followers and friends to take me aside and point things out when I miss them.

I did not make the comparison for shock value or to degrade any one.

I am autistic. 

The similarities are genuinely glaring, to me.

I see myself and other people like me in every complaint I have ever heard some one make when they got rid of a parrot.

“It’s too loud!” “It destroys EVERYTHING!” “It won’t let me cuddle when *I* want to!” “It won’t stop plucking!” “I’m scared of it.” “It’s food/toys/housing/care/ is too expensive!”

All leads to:

“I don’t want it anymore!”

Parrots are BRILLIANT! 

Not only are they incredible mimics, but they are amazingly mechanically adept! They LOVE puzzles and climbing and they need TONS of time and mental stimulation! Space to play and forage! Toys they can destroy with out getting hurt. The company of some one that understands their needs and their behaviors.

They are adapted to live in HUGE flocks! Screeching that carries for miles keeps them in contact with each other.

Screeching is not bad behavior for a parrot. It’s just calling out to see if some one will answer. Cockatoos especially genuinely NEED loud, excited time!

Humans that vocally stim are not misbehaving. They NEED to make noise to express emotion.

Expecting a parrot or the humans who need to vocally stim to keep silent all the time is TERRIBLE for their mental health! It stresses both unspeakably to bottle that up, especially if they are loud because they’re happy or excited!

Loud time is necessary, and people who think they want a parrot have to be ok with and prepared for that. 

Parrot’s thick, powerful beaks are designed to cut, crush, and splinter.They eat hard nuts, tough fruits, and many species chew through wood to make nest holes. They even use their beaks as an extra hand to climb.

They are not being bad when they bite.

They don’t usually mean to bite hard. But human hands are fragile, and biting hard enough to hurt is really easy to do by accident.

I accidentally put one of my elementary school teachers in the hospital by running up and hugging her as tight as I could. 

I didn’t mean to hurt her. I was just SO overwhelmingly happy to see her, and it didn’t dawn on me that I even could have.

People who think they want a parrot need to be prepared for the fact that they don’t innately know how hard is too hard, or that they can hurt their handler without meaning to.

Scared, cornered parrots can inflict a LOT of damage attempting to defend themselves or their eggs from The Scary Thing!

They aren’t being bad when they do that either.

It’s usually a misunderstanding. 

Bird warning signs are just not intuitive to humans, and when we want to touch a pet, we tend to insist the pet be ok with that when ever we want them to be with little to no regard for its comfort.

You guys have NO idea how afraid I was of the neurotypical kids who seemed to go out of their way to harass me, bully me, and kill or destroy things I liked because my behavior was not normal.

They’d be friendly one second and hateful the next, from my perspective, and not knowing what to expect made me skittish and defensive and withdrawn.

People that think they want a parrot need to be prepared to learn to understand enough of its behavior to know when it’s receptive to interaction and when it’s overstimulated pr afraid and needs its boundaries to be respected.

You also need to understand that all parrots tamed by imprinting are at least some degree of mentally ill.

Mental illness and neurotype are not the same thing.

There is nothing wrong with an autistic person. We are healthy people whose brains process and store and retrieve information differently from what is more common and thus considered typical.

Mental illness is usually caused by physical or emotional trauma or neglect.

Let’s start with the fact that the vast majority of parrots do not get to live their lives as parrots.

They are removed from their parents and raised by humans, which is, let me remind you, genuinely necessary for them to be safe to handle in captivity.

Imprinting, as stated in the post, does not just make an animal think you are its mother. 

A birds entire species identity is conveyed through imprinting. “This is what you are, this is your social structure, these are your normal behaviors, this is what you eat, how you live, what you should be sexually attracted to.”

Parrots raised by humans think that they are human because that’s what imprinting does.But all of its instinctual urges will be parrot, and they will not match the thing it has imprinted on, which leads to a LOT of the miscomunication that stresses the bird and overwhelms the owner.

Humans don’t imprint, but I can tell you from experience that there is a disconnect between the way neurotypical and autistic humans think and process and interact with the world just drastic enough that it makes it hard to communicate effectively, despite being the same species and speaking the same language.

It’s incredibly frustrating, and with out any indication that the other can understand you, you just... give up and withdraw. 

People who think they want a parrot need to understand that a withdrawn bird doesn’t hate them and isn’t being bad. Its attempts to communicate have failed and it has given up.

An understanding of psitticine body language will go a LONG way to prevent this issue.

Most pet parrots live functionally alone and spend most of their time confined to their cage. They may never see another bird of their species, or even another bird, period, in their lives.

Look at most parrot cages on the market and the species they are marketed as suitable for.Most parrot cages are just display stands, barely large enough for the bird to stretch its wings out all the way, never mind flying or climbing or engaging in any natural behaviours!

And keep in mind that these are wild animals, less than ten generations into domestication.

Adapting to confinement takes GENERATIONS of selective breeding, and all ethics aside, parrots just haven’t had the TIME!

An intelligent, intensely social animal used to traveling great distances, spending a lot of time foraging and relying on chewing to get almost every comfort met from food to nests will hallucinate, pace, tear up its enclosure, lash out at its handlers, and eventually self mutilate when deprived of all social interaction, mental stimulation, physical activity, and behavioral outlets necessary to reduce stress.

Sound familiar?

Parrots don’t get to choose who they live with. Autistic humans don't get to choose who they are born to or who becomes their care taker. And the consequances of willingly or accidentally failing to meet their needs are STRIKINGKLY similar.

I am sorry if that is offensive.

I was not drawing attention to these parallels to say “Parrots are terrible because they are like autistic people!” 

I am pointing them out as food for thought to remind people to respect that their needs are complex, not especially intuitive to the typical joe, and if you want one, you need to be prepared to spend the next 60-80 years doing your best to keep the commitment you made to meet them all.