#but so is eirika so its like. are you kidding

[sieglinde-freud]

do you think intelligent systems remembers that they gave eirika a character outside of her brother or did we just make that up in our heads because they dont seem to want us to remember that

[bombontheevilcat]

ok ik fire emblem plots ain't a masterclass in any sort of writing but some people really be out here pulling the wool over their eyes to convince people that "umm actually the stories were always bad", when in fact most are just solid fun?? like going in with no expectations I've enjoyed most of the fe plots i've played through.

though of course some (actually really just one) of them are informed by nostalgia; i.e sacred stones, still a super great villain though but like they and their relationship with the protags are the only thing carrying the plot. i'm talking moreso pre-3ds era (not because "that's when the stories got bad") but those pre-titles are the ones going under scrutiny this time.

and i don't have anything against Engage (no i do actually) cuz they still have some great supports that remind me of the GBA games; having a good balance between comedy/sincerity most of the time (though a few characters do suffer from heavier* flanderization than others, really do need to shave down some of the retainers i'm just saying). BUT BUT the story is actually a TURD

-----ok hyperbolic but it's less interesting than staring at water running from a faucet at times. maybe that's my maladaptive daydreaming speaking.

i can take simple, non-serious or basic stories but uhh even hearing about some of the endgame lore, HAHA you thought. it was not what i would have expected from the dev interview where they wanted the story to take a backseat to forward the gameplay. nah this has clearly been rewritten to some degree of care to take up your time <i'd say waste honestly cuz damn these character DON*T know how to be poignant with their post-chapter dialogue half of the time, they REALLY like talking; the switch going into sleep mode ain't a joke in the later stages :sob: > HECK it's even working against the game at times, the mid chapters where you had to fight the same two people from the bad dragons like, I KID YOU NOT, 4 TIMES in a row 😭😭😭, that ain't interesting it doesn't build character just shove some midbosses in there already.

honestly if it just had a more campy and self aware pizazz (and cut back on some dialogue length) i would have eaten up the talk no jutsu of every dang hq cutscene. that would have been fine (if a bit rude maybe?) for a celebration title and that's the bare minimum honestly. it was such an opportunity as well i mean come on this is the series that as recycled its plot for like over half of its titles with some sort of bad dragon(s) and a dark (insane) sorcerer ⚰️⚰️⚰️ YMMV

i didn't even get to the emblems and my big thoughts on those and their integration. but honestly it's just the engage core represented in a smaller package. Emblem Gameplay=Good, Emblem Story=Meh/Bad (especially in the context of it being a celebration title) (why are my favorites done so dirty!!! Micaiah ;;; Eirika and Ephraim ;;;, Ike is great tho, he's just a dood, a goober, and he deserves it)

[four-loose-screws]

FE8 Novelization Translation - Chapter 21, Section 2 (Final Post!!)

If you would like to start from the beginning, read a missed part, etc., click here!

FE Game Script Translations - FE Novel Translations - Original FE Support Conversations

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———————————

I call this a “section” because it is not a separate part of the chapter in the book, but divided from the rest of the chapter by a scene break.

———————————

Chapter 21 - The Continent’s Wrath (con’t)

It happened on the day that the restoration plan started to progress smoothly.

Eirika entered Ephraim’s room with a letter she’d received from Tana. It explained the current status of Innes, Vanessa, and their other allies in great detail, putting their hearts at ease.

“Brother, how about we take a break from the restoration for a bit, and try visiting Frelia, just this once?"

Eirika’s proposal made Ephraim smile and nod.

“I like that idea. We have a lot to thank King Hayden for, and I do like to hear Innes’ snark every now and again.”

“Brother..”

“I’m kidding. There is much that I wish to speak with him about. We can’t act like children with each other forever…”

It happened the moment Ephraim finished his words.

The room suddenly shook so much that the objects within it rattled.

Eirika and Ephraim both looked at each other.

Eirika felt scared, but the shaking did not get any worse, instead quickly ending. “An earthquake… that’s rare.”

“It is. We’ve been told that they’re common in Grado, but the people of Renais aren’t used to them. It probably surprised them.”

Since the earthquake was big enough for them to feel it even within the castle, it was possible that it had caused some damage, such as collapsing the half-built houses in the mountain villages that they had only just finally started to revive. The thought hurt Eirika’s heart.

ー

A few days later, Eirika was called into Ephraim’s office. Standing by Ephraim’s side was Seth, who had a grim expression on his face. When she looked at both of their expressions, she felt uneasy.

“Eirika, something terrible has happened.”

“What is it…?”

“Seth, please explain.”

Seth nodded and opened his mouth. “We just received a message from Grado. The earthquake that occured the other day caused great damage there.”

“...I was afraid of that...”

She had suspected it. Since it was an earthquake so great that they felt it in Renais’ capital, in Grado, where earthquakes were a frequent occurrence, it was highly likely that the damage there would be great.

Her face clouded over. “Just how bad is the damage?”

“Their current state is one of absolute chaos, so we do not know the details. The messenger said they were only sure of one thing. That the damage is greater than any they have experienced before. The earth split apart, and nearly all of the buildings within all of the towns and cities were destroyed. Many, many dead have been found. ...And they have not confirmed it yet, but they said that the southern portion of the country was swallowed up into the sea.” 

Eirika was at a loss for words. The damage was far greater than she had imagined.

Grado had already lost its emperor, posing the greatest threat to the empire since it had been founded. For such a disaster to befall the nation, and hit it while it was down...

“I will go to Grado.” Ephraim said.

“Brother, I will go with you.”

“No. You stay here in Renais.”

“But…”

“If you leave too, then what will happen to Renais? You stay here and protect our country.”

“...I will.” She wanted to confirm Grado’s current state with her own eyes and do something to help, no matter how little. Yet while that feeling was sincere, what Ephraim was saying was right. “I will take responsibility for your work until you can return. Please be careful…"

"I'll be counting on you. Seth, you stay behind in Renais as well, and help Eirika."

"Understood."

"...We were also told that some of the people have been saying this great disaster is retribution for Emperor Vigarde and Prince Lyon's terrible rule." Ephraim’s voice lowered. "We cannot blame them. They've lost their homes and family members to the war. We cannot help the fact that they will blame Lyon. But I will respond with action. I will take on what Lyon tried to do. I will not allow anyone else to die, be they from Grado or Renais." He spoke with stronger conviction than he'd ever shown before.

The next day, Ephraim, joined by Forde, Kyle, and a few others, left for Grado.

ー

That night, Eirika wrote a letter to Innes and Tana.

Frelia had likely also received a report about the disaster that had assaulted Grado, so she wanted to write not an official report, but her own words.

It was a quiet night. The only sound Eirika could hear was that of her pen gliding across the paper. But whenever she thought about Grado, where the people were spending the night shaking in fear and unable to sleep… it only made her heart sink. As she wrote in detail about Grado's dire situation that Seth had explained to her, and Ephraim's decision, she nearly cried several times.

Partway through the letter, Eirika put her pen down and sat up. She could no longer endure the pain in her heart, and so she softly pushed open the window that led out to the terrace. 

The moon looked incredibly beautiful as it rose. She unexpectedly smelled the scent of a flower.

'Though this continent has suffered a deep wound, it still holds the power to nurture life.' Eirika had that calming thought, and stood at the open window for a long while.

She did not know the name of the flower this sweet scent wafted from. But if Lyon were here, he could probably tell her. He knew the names of even the flowers growing inconspicuously in the deepest corners of any garden.

She found herself reminiscing about the day that she and Ephraim first met Lyon.

It had been during the season when the flowers were unquestionably at their most beautiful. Lyon came to greet them in Grado Castle's garden, where the flowers were blooming brightly.

ー

"Hello. Nice to meet you." Lyon said very nervously. 

He surprised Eirika, who thought that a prince would certainly meet them more formally.

He looked at their faces and continued on shyly, "I wanted to meet you right away, and have been waiting. I don't have any friends my age, so…" His expression was a mixture of anticipation and unsurety. 

When Eirika smiled at him, he laughed in relief. "My name is Lyon. And you're Prince Ephraim and Princess Eirika, correct? I look forward to getting to know you better!"

ー

Eirika remembered clearly the smile Lyon had on his face at that time. 

She would likely remember it her entire life. Though the time they'd been able to spend together was short, she would always consider him a lifelong friend. That feeling would never change.

"Please watch, Lyon. Brother and I… will do our best together to make sure the people of Renais and Grado will be happy…" Eirika whispered, and gently closed the window.

[crystalelemental]

Sharena: “It’s so cool that you can hear people’s thoughts!  Would you mind reading a few more?  I’m really curious.”

Sara: “Are you sure that’s what you want?  Knowing the minds of others isn’t always a blessing.”

Sharena: “You don’t have to tell me everything, just what their general thoughts are like!  Here, let’s try this one.  Ephraim!  Over here!”

Ephraim: “Princess Sharena.  What can I do for you?”

Sharena: “This is Sara!  You may not believe it, but she can read people’s minds!”

Lyon: “Ah, what a marvelous power.  Could you give us a demonstration?”

Sharena: “Try reading Ephraim’s mind!”

Ephraim: “Yeah!  What number am I thinking of?”

Sara: “His thoughts are entirely about food and battle, with occasional blips to protecting his sister and Lyon.  It’s a clear yet hollow voice.”

Ephraim: “Hah!  That’s not even a number!  It was-”

Sara: “Sixty-nine thousand four hundred and twenty.  I know, I’m trying not to dignify it.”

Ephraim: “...Lyon, I think she might be psychic.”

Sharena: “Ooh!  What about Lyon?”

Sara: “His voice is muddied.  He’s uncertain about his path in life, and the thoughts in his head get jumbled around and he doesn’t quite understand even what he wants anymore.”

Lyon: “That...is true.  It is hard, knowing what course to take in my life.  I want to do what is best for my people, and to lead them well, but I fear my own weakness and seek solace in-”

Sara: “Both.”

Lyon: “I...what?”

Sara: “You want both of them.  It’s okay, Lyon.”

Lyon: “Wh-what do you mean?”

Sara: “Eirika and Ephraim.  I know your heart’s desire.”

Ephraim: “I don’t follow.”

Sara: “The voice of his thoughts.  It’s maybe 20% the dedication to his kingdom, 80% lust for the twins.”

Lyon: “Wh-what?!  That’s not-!”

Sharena: “That is substantially higher than I expected.”

Lyon: “What do you mean than you expected?!”

???: “Alright, I’ve heard all I need to hear.  Book him!”

Lyon, now handcuffed: “What is going on?!”

Fiora: “Horny police.  We’re gonna have to ask you to come with us.”

Lyon: “But I’m innocent!  I’ve been falsely accused!”

Plumeria: “Right.  I’m sure the empath got confused about your feelings in particular.  You mortals make me sick.”

Ephraim: “Wait, since when are you two friends?”

Fiora: “Since always.”

Plumeria: “She’s the only one of you vulgar creatures with a sense of decency.”

Fiora: “She may dress like a slut, but she understands the importance of having a strong moral backbone.”

Sara: “Confusion and inner turmoil.  A deep desire to be loved, coupled by a crippling revulsion for what that love would typically entail.”

Sharena: “Are you talking about Fiora or Plumeria?”

Sara: “Yes.”

Niles: “Oooh, handcuffs this early in the day?  Naughty.”

Fiora: “Niles, you were just let out for parole.  Do you need another trip to the station?”

Niles: “Only if you’re gentle~”

Plumeria: “How disgustingly vulgar…”

Sara: “He cries out for attention, and resents those for whom connetions come easily.  He seeks the comfort of others but fears their rejection, and acts distant and silver-tongued to mask his true nature.”

Niles: “You...are really taking the fun out of this.”

Odin: “Haha!  She has you pegged, my friend!”

Niles: “Kinky, but also wrong.  You try dealing with her.”

Odin: “With pleasure!  A great magus like Odin Dark has nothing to fear from-”

Sara: “Bridges.”

Odin: *runs off crying*

Sharena: “Aww, now I kind of feel bad…”

Sara: “I told you, this power is not always a blessing.  It can cause harm to those around you, and at times, harm to the one reading such thoughts…”

Sharena: “Really?  How would it-?”

Yune: “Yo, we havin a party?”

Ephraim: “Sara here can read people’s thoughts, so we were testing it out.”

Yune: “No fooling?  That’s awesome!”

Sara: “...”

Sharena: “I think we should be done for the day, though.  Sara seems tired out.”

Yune: “Awww, lame.  Hey, another time though, right?  ...kid?”

Sara: “....”

Yune’s thoughts: *through muffled static*

Yune: “Kid?  You good?”

Sara: “Sharena, may I say a swear?”

Sharena: “Huh?  Well…”

Sara: “May I say a swear, Sharena?”

Sharena: “I...yes?”

Sara: “What the fuck are you supposed to be?!”

Yune: “Hah!  That’s about right.”

Sara: “Stay back!  Back, creature of madness!”

Yune: “Come on, I’m not that scary!  Tell her, Edelgard!”

Edelgard: “She is a perpetual blight upon my existence.”

Yune: “...so that’s how it’s gonna be, huh?”

Sara, turning to Edelgard: “You...”

Edelgard: “It’s nice to meet you.  My name is Edelgard von Hresvelg, heir to the-”

Sara: “I know all about you.  Your voice, it’s...very forceful, yet strangely calming.”

Edelgard: “Is that so?  I see my reputation precedes me.  A most encouraging discovery.”

Yune: “No dude, she’s just empathic.”

Edelgard: “No wonder she’s terrified of you.”

Yune: “Now that’s just mean!”

Sara: “Yet your voice, it carries an edge of...resentment.  A deep, unbridled anger against the world.”

Edelgard: “I...suppose that is a fair assessment, yes.  Still, I have no intention of harming you.  And despite her appearance and mannerisms, neither will Yune.”

Yune: “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?  After all my sage guidance and moral support.”

Sara: “The two of you...it’s like a tempest.  One burning in its own fury, ready to rage against the world.  The other a maelstrom of conflicting thoughts and emotions; a cacophony of chaos.  What are you?”

Edelgard: “She is a chaos goddess.”

Sara: “A chaos...goddess?”

Edelgard: “In her world, she is one half of the goddess that created the world.  She embodies chaos in all its forms.”

Sara: “And she...is on your side?  You are allies?”

Yune: “Allies is too distant.  We’re friends!  Great pals.  Right, Edelgard?”

Edelgard: “She latched on to me as soon as I arrived, and I have yet to make her leave.”

Yune: “Edelgard.  Can you not?  Right now?  I’m trying to connect with today’s youth.”

Edelgard: “Today’s youth aren’t interested in vacuous nonsense.”

Yune: “Then what are they interested in, smartypants?”

Edelgard: “Revolution.”

Yune: “Bah, you say that about everything.”

Sharena: “Well, I guess technically she is part of Leif’s liberation army.”

Edelgard: “There!  You see?”

Yune: “It’s a whole kingdom of heroes from across the multiverse who spend their lives doing battle!  That’s not really a representative sample from the general population!  Not everyone’s so invested in overthrowing the government!”

Edelgard: “The church.”

Yune: “To-may-to, to-mah-to.  Point is everyone around here should be down with smashing the system.”

Sara, wide eyed: *giggles*

Edelgard: “Is that a laugh I hear?”

Yune: “Does that mean we can hang out now?!”

Sara: “You two are absolutely insane.  Never speak to me again.”  *leaves*

Yune: “...great, you scared her off.”

Edelgard: “I had nothing to do with this!”

***later***

Lysithea: “And let me guess, the flying gremlin was with her?”

Sara: “Indeed it was.”

Lysithea: “That thing freaks me out.”

Sara: “Finally, someone is talking sense around here.”

[iturbide]

More character meme stuff for you. Since Lyon is back on my mind thanks to the new banner, can I hear your thoughts on him please?

Also Ashe please.

You know, with him as the 4-star focus this was not what I was expecting this morning:

So I am all on board with Lyon

How do I feel about this character?

Lyon gets me right in the heart.  Just...his whole story is tragic, when you really think about it.  This young man who is himself intelligent, talented, and capable, but who feels inadequate next to his dearest friends that he loves with all his heart, who feels the crushing pressure of responsibility for his people and his country in the wake of his father’s death and knowing that disaster will soon strike, who falls specifically because he was trying to find a way to prove his worth and save everyone and ended up being manipulated by an unfathomable power.  His kindness and compassion, both admirable traits in and of themselves, ended up becoming a fatal weakness when they allowed Fomortiis the foothold he needed to take hold of Lyon, and from there every good and kind and noble aspect of him ended up twisted beyond recognition.

There’s something about characters with crippling inferiority complexes that draws me in.  I end up feeling deeply for them, wanting the best for them, hoping they’ll succeed and cheering when they’re able to acknowledge and accept their own personal worth...or mourning when they’re not only unable to overcome their self-doubt, but end up becoming victims when it’s exploited by outside forces.  Takumi hits me in very similar ways, especially for Conquest, but Lyon’s story is really heartbreaking for how we see the monster Fomortiis makes of him specifically through the eyes of his dearest friends.

Who do I ship this character with romantically?

I...don’t know actually.  I’m not super familiar with Sacred Stones on the whole, so I’m not really familiar with who would be possible or reasonable.  I know that Eirika and Ephraim are both popular partners for him, and there’s definitely an appeal to both of those options, but I don’t know if I prefer one or the other, if there might be someone else out there who’d be good for him, or if I even want to ship him at all so much as give him a chance to find his own happiness for himself.

Who is my brOTP for this character?

Eirika and Ephraim, definitely.  Regardless of the romantic side, his friendship with those two is absolutely integral to him and I love the idea of their friendship and how multifaceted it is, fueling both his love for them and his jealousy of them in equal measure.  I’m also really keen on the idea of him being friends with Knoll, since Knoll wants to restore Grado specifically because he wants it to become the nation Lyon truly wanted to make; that says a lot to me personally about the relationship they had, and how much Knoll admired Lyon (especially since he canonically disappears as soon as that work is finished).

What’s my Unpopular Opinion™ about this character?

Are there popular Lyon opinions?  I haven’t played Sacred Stones in years at this point: I vaguely recall borrowing it from a friend and I’m reasonably sure I played it through, but the only record I have of it is in some old unfinished fic bits living on an old computer that are directly related to that playthrough. 

How popular is the opinion that Lyon’s story is pretty much perfect?  Because from everything I’ve seen and read it honestly sounds like they handled his arc perfectly, from his motivations to his downfall.

What’s one thing I wish would have happened with this character in canon?

This is kind of a tough one because I don’t really know Sacred Stones all that well as a game.  My memories are very fuzzy and mostly involve realizing that Myrrh’s dragonstone had limited durability which meant I couldn’t use her in every battle and I was sad about it because dragon girl.  I guess if there’s anything...from what I understand, Lyon is recruitable in some side dungeon if you manage to beat this outrageous hardmode three times?  And yet he has no supports or dialogue.  Like.  What’s even the point if the party doesn’t get to talk to him?  Either don’t make him recruitable or put in dialogue because after everything that happened it’s a crime not to have him say a word.

And also Ashe because I love him

How do I feel about this character?

Ashe is absolutely one of the stand-out characters in the Blue Lions roster and the game on the whole, in my opinion.  His story is honestly fascinating: from a normal commoner kid with siblings and loving parents to an orphan stealing to ensure that he and his siblings could survive on the streets to the adopted child of a minor Kingdom noble with aspirations to be a knight and then back to an orphan thanks to Rhea who’s forced to fight for the Empire depending on your route.  That’s an absolutely wild ride.

Ashe could have been a really tragic character who leans heavy on the sympathy, but he doesn’t.  While there are undeniably tragic elements to his story, especially in the Academy Phase as we’re forced to fight his adoptive father on Rhea’s orders and steal the only parental figure he has (you find him in the cathedral a lot after that, for understandable reasons -- his crisis of faith must be monumental), he never gives up his aspirations to the kind of knight they write stories about.  This is a kid who has resorted to thievery frequently in the past, and his goal in life is to rise up from that low point in his life and become a shining paragon of chivalry and virtue helping the people.  And he puts his money where his mouth is, too: call him gullible, call him naive, but when he sees someone in a bind -- even a thief, claiming he’s been reduced to that to buy medicine for an ailing child -- he always helps out as best he can.  He doesn’t look down on people for their worst moments: he tries to lift them up so they can reach better ones, the same way he was lifted up by Lonato.  With his kindness and his compassion and his earnest ambition, I think he has an excellent chance of succeeding and becoming a knight of story and song.

Who do I ship this character with romantically?

TRICK QUESTION once again, I do not have any ships for Ashe.  I don’t have ships for most of the Three Houses kids, and while I love Ashe dearly, none of his supports really grabbed me romantically.  If I had to pick anyone, it would probably be Caspar, because their Supports are stellar: despite how rough the C is, the B turns it all around on its head and makes both of them realize that they were both being way too serious about the whole thing, and the A is sheer perfection as they realize they’ve both been spoiling the cat silly.  The idea of them going on endless adventures together, balancing each other and bringing out the best in one another, is so charming to me, and I could easily see them as lifelong partners.

Who is my brOTP for this character?

PETRA.  I love their Support chain so much and the fact that in their paired endcard she literally creates a whole order of knights in Brigid specifically to help him fulfill his lifelong ambition?  Get yourself a friend like that wow.  Also Annette: I love their Support chain and how even though the both of them are so scared of that very unsettling tower, he still goes and braves it a second time for just to find a treasure that she dropped in their initial flight.  That’s just so sweet okay I love how they get along and how close they are as friends and how they’ll pull out all the stops for one another.  Also, I have a major soft spot for his supports with Dedue because Ashe and Dedue cooking together is excellent (and also his supports with Felix are so charming and definitely show Felix in a better light once the B rolls around).

What’s my Unpopular Opinion™ about this character?

Okay so I think I got this one from @anankos but Ashe is really skilled with a knife.  Sure, everybody loves to gush about the precious cinnamon roll, but he can and will cut you if he has to; old habits die hard and he probably has a knife on him at all times just in case he gets in a tight spot, either where he can’t use or doesn’t have his bow.  Ordinarily he would use it for things like hunting and cooking as required, but he’s definitely used it as a cutpurse, and under pressure he will use it to stab someone if it will give him a chance at survival he otherwise wouldn’t have.  Don’t mess with the kid basically.

What’s one thing I wish would have happened with this character in canon?

This is so small and so minor but I wish we could have seen more of his emotional journey after the loss of Lonato.  I know it’s a really early game event, but given that certain supports can be locked until certain narrative points (like Leonie and Byleth’s B, which focuses directly on the aftermath of Jeralt’s death), I think it would have been beneficial to have shown the impact that death made on him, especially in regards to his view on the church.  Having supports with Seteth could have been great, too, especially given some of his views on the Church as a whole.

Give Me a Character  

[gentleoverdrive]

After the frenetic struggle faced by the two jogging buddies Alm and Lucina, the first weekend after the school term arrives. As Saturday breaks in, Ephraim finds himself an unlikely breakfast buddy. Will he be able to consume his tacos? And what of his carefully constructed image?

Saturday Morning: At Little Chalphy’s kitchen. (9 AM) Sitting at the cozy table within the kitchen, a young man was trying to help himself to the delicious treats two of his earnest dorm-mates helped prepare for the weekend. Thanks to the efforts of his twin sister and a certain Zofian boy, the tortillas Ephraim McFadden stuffed with delicious spit-grilled pork meat were a feast for a hangover that seems bent on haunting his morning. He felt, however, that the woman keeping him company was most definitely harshing his mellow with her prim and proper demeanor. Something had to be done and, heavens help him, he might have to be the one to do it. “Y’know, teach? If you keep coming here every single day, I’m pretty sure Cory ain’t the only one that’s gonna end up hating you” A delicate, dignified chuckle escaped her lips with the smallest of efforts. “Oh, you are such a joker, McFadden. Why would you dare suggest that my cute little sister does not love me back?” It felt like someone had sprinkled dusted jalapeño directly into his eyes. He absolutely doesn’t have the fortitude for this so early in the morning. “Because it’s Saturday morning, I’m trying to watch my breakfast and eat my goddamn cartoons, that aforementioned cute little sis of yours locked herself in her room and I’m pretty sure you have like 3 classes today in as many campuses. Now can I go back to my tacos?” “A young man eating by himself is just such a sad, sad sight to witness” “Aaaaannnd of course you’re not listening to me. Fantastic” Ephraim put his taco down and got off his seat. “Look, you might want to reconsider this whole endeavor of going after the one guy who managed to kick your ass; like I’m positive he already has his hands full being Anthiese’s super butler or whatever” He added, while looking for something within the fridge. “Plus, carving up his face seems like a very unintuitive way to net yourself a date, if we’re being honest” “Oh? And what would a dating master of such renown like yourself might suggest I do to hone my approach?” “Well, maybe try approaching that person you fancy like an equal? If you say something extreme as ‘Be mine!’ or putting them people in a pedestal, of course that’s gonna turn people off. We’re talking about a person with an agenda of their own, teach; if you treat that person you fancy like they’re either a prize to be earned or a mindless hunk of meat, of course the cold shoulder is the logical result” He grabbed the milk and a banana off the fridge. “Then again, some men love that, so what do I know?” “And yet he has remained every bit the polite gentleman towards me” Ephraim let out a drawn-out sigh while looking at the top shelves right next to the fridge, when he finally happened upon the bowl he was looking for. “That’s just common decency. Now tell me: Has he treated you any differently than he has literally anybody but Anthiese? Because she’s the one that gets the super duper, big, fancy, bells, cowbells and whistles pimped-out special deal, and I’m like… 90% sure that’s not just because she’s his employer” Ephraim placed the milk, banana and bowl right in front of Camilla before quickly moving to the opposite shelves. Slightly bemused at his seeming restlessness, she started following him around with her eyes. “Whatever do you mean? I see no such difference in the treatment he has given me at all when compared to his mistress” It was at that moment that Ephraim bumped his forehead against the bottom edge of the shelf. “D’ah! F—damn!” He briefly complained while rubbing his forehead, before finally chancing upon the thing he was looking for: chocolate-covered cereal; which he quickly placed in front of Camilla. “Are… owwwww… are you one hundred percent sure that you don’t see any difference, whatsoever, in how he treats you, your little sis, yours truly and the rest of the dorm plus however many peeps he interacts outside of here and how he treats the girl that walks with a skip in her step to school and sometimes even does a little happy dance whenever she so much as talks to him early morning?” “I sure wish I had the attention to detail you have” “Oh, for f— how is that information a secret to you?! You’ve been coming here for the past three days to stalk / harass Alm without fail. How—” A slam on the table interrupted him. “I. Am not. Harassing. Him” She closed the distance between them in a second as she grabbed his shirt’s neck, but Ephraim remained unfazed beyond raising his left eyebrow in mild surprise. “Sure, whatever” Suddenly, Ephraim jumped out at a realization. “Ah! You need a spoon and knife” “I don’t care what you think about me” Camilla’s usually easy-going expression had taken a turn for the sullen. “Psshyeah you do” He snorted after saying as much. He quickly made for the lower shelves this time and found a smaller-sized spoon, placing it to the left of the bowl while he looked at Camilla’s right eye. “Takes one to know one, after all; and you, Camilla Krakenberg, are so darn starved for the bare-assest of interactions and basic affection now that your little sis is out in the world on her own and benched your ass, that you’ve been harassing a kid whose only folly on this whole thing is that he interrupted you from unleashing the murder fury on some rapey idiot. Yes, I’m completely on your side in that said shithead probably had it coming. But why did you think that harming the him, not to mention THE CROWN PRINCESS OF A HALIDOM THAT REPRESENTS A CONTINENT THAT’S JUST FINALLY RECOVERING FROM A DEVASTATING WAR WAS A GOOD IDEA?” For a second, Camilla’s right eye betrayed no emotion… until Ephraim’s words found its target. She covered her mouth with her right hand, letting out the faintest of gasps as she slowly lowered her head, looking down at the table and suddenly looking back at her actions in a new, disturbing light. “Oh” “Oh indeed. Hell, you’re so desperate for interaction that you’re allowing a complete jackass to dress you down and smack your emotional ass all up in this bitch” If Ephraim was good at using his self-loathing for something, he wasn’t precisely subtle about it. But sometimes subtlety needs to take a rain-check. “You don’t know me at all” Even with how aggrieved Camilla sounded, hearing her spout that hackneyed phrase only reinforced Ephraim’s stance. “Perhaps I don’t. But this front you’re putting up? This commodity? It ain’t gonna do squat for you in the long term. Worst of all: I’m not telling you anything new, am I? Someone has trotted this out to you, if not verbatim, then at least more or less something similar to this spiel in the past, isn’t it?” In truth, nobody had given Camilla this kind of talk before. Now Camilla was looking down for the count, and Ephraim realized his words’ true weight almost right away. ‘Oh my gods, this is the first actual time she’s been given a ‘talk’ on this level, hasn’t she? Ugh, fuck my life’ His thoughts were now the real mess. ‘Now, whatever you do next, don’t try to comf—’ “Uh… wanna hug?” He spoke before further articulating that last thought. “… I’d like that” Her response blindsided him. ‘NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You idiot! You absolute moron! YOU BIG. FUCKING. PALOOKA! Stop that shit right now. You stop it. StopItStopItStopItStopItStopIt—’ His head was going haywire, even as he tried to play it cool externally as he opened his arms. ‘No! Don’t Open Up! WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS, YOU DUMBASS?!’ Alas, it was too late. Now Camilla was letting out choked-out sobs as she buried her face on his right shoulder while her arms found firm comfort around his back. Meanwhile, Ephraim’s left hand patted her head, while his right one rested chastely on her mid-section. “There. That’s fine” When he briefly looked in the direction of the living room, he saw his sister, Corrin and Lucina staring dumb-founded at his current situation. ‘Are you ok?’ Eirika used sign language when she realized she had her brother’s attention. Since Ephraim had one of his hands in a somewhat compromised position, he had to improvise, so he gave his sister a thumbs-up, a wink using his right eye, and finally a combination of both his eyes and forming a rather awkward arrow with his left hand letting them know that the coast was clear and to head for the door. Eirika returned the thumbs up which she followed by tugging Corrin’s shirt so that they could get a move on. Lucina mouthed off a ‘Thank you!’ while Corrin simply waved at him. Once they left, Ephraim let out a sigh of relief. Coming to terms at Camilla’s hold on him not showing signs of stopping any time soon, the normally blunter of the two McFadden twins decided he might as well go the full nine yards and properly hug Camilla Krakenberg. ‘Well, whatever! Let this be my good deed for the day’ With his thoughts offering a respite, Ephraim grinned, not seemingly caring about the fact that his breakfast was getting colder.

Meanwhile… Outside Fjalar Rentals. (10 AM) Hector tried to get himself comfortable at the Rental Agency’s waiting lobby. “Man, these seats just plain aren’t designed for anybody with an actual ass” “Did I hear that just now? Is Hector Kormorane actively complaining about his resilient, powerful body in plain sight? Please, say it ain’t so” “Spare me the dumb quips, Eli” While deadpanning wasn’t his forte, Hector’s stink-eye game was strong indeed. “So, whaddya got there?” “Lemon-flavored and peach-flavored soda” Eliwood revealed two cans of soda. “So, which one’s gonna be?” “Hmm…” Hector deliberated for a moment before shrugging. “Eh, whichever one you don’t want is fine with me, man” “Fair enough” Eliwood hands his brother from another mother the Lemon-flavored beverage. “Pfft!” Hector was barely able to keep himself from guffawing. “Really now” The snickering was rather uncommon for a man who so often appeared like an open book to those closest to him. Eliwood’s eyes often did a lot of the talking for him, and in this case they showed a barely repressed need to smack his best friend upside the head. “So, why are we getting another rental car?” But more important that his need to visit a physical comeback was the query he just made. “Because” Hector’s cursory retort felt like he was dodging the topic. But Eliwood wasn’t having any of that. “Hec, Miss Eirika and Ephraim literally have a car that we can borrow whenever we need to, even if it’s for going on foolish errands; all we need is to do is let them know beforehand” “Dude, they were just being polite. They don’t actually expect us to ask them to borrow their car for reals in the first place” “Are you sure?” “I don’t know, Eli! I’m just saying. Do you think Miss Eirika’s gonna be all hunky dory with the potential prospects of either you or me getting busy in her car?” The quick back and forth between the Lycian league boys left one of them with much to think of. “... maybe?” Or perhaps not, it seems. Eliwood Faeris was, first and foremost, an idealist. “See? That’s your problem, Eli: You’re too much of an optimist” Hector was quick to latch on to that in order to try and get his best bud to be on his guard more from time to time.

“Hello, dears” As the voice that came from behind was a rather unfamiliar one, they both appeared unsure as to know how to react.

“See, I don’t think that’s a pro—AAAAAH!” “Dude, what’s your—G’AAAHHH!” They both went with their gut. An ungraceful result, all things considered. “Calm down, would you? She don’t bite or anything” “Not to be a douche nozzle or anything Ephs, but I think we’re within our rights to be spooked at seeing Teach Krakenberg with you on our day off” “Well, ya’ gotta start rolling with the punches better, then!” Hector slicked back the bangs off his forehead while looking at the person that, earlier in the week, had made an attempt on the life of two of his dorm mates, sighing once he was done fixing up his bangs properly. “I’ve held back my tongue due to Alm asking us to not be too hard on you. Little dude is a fucking trooper” “He is quite the catch, is he not? Hmmmmm… I wonder what will it—” “I was not finished” Hector slapped his left knee. “I’ve only known him and Luci for a little over a week, so I’m not gonna say that ‘oh! Best Friends Forever!’ or any of that sappy-ass nonsense. But I’m starting to get friendly with them; yes, Lucina is a pest of a girl whose constant curiosity drives me nuts, and yes, I sorely wish she would stop putting her foot in her mouth non-stop, but deep down she’s an OK kid. Hell, she very much feels like a little—” “AHHH, found it!” And before Hector could finish his sentence, his friend cut him off. “Dammit, Eli! I am pouring my heart out h—wait, what did you find?” “Remember when I told you that Ms. Anthiese looked familiar?” Hector’s eyebrows spoke volumes for him. “Whaddya mean?” He still felt like inquiring further, however. “Peep this right here” Eliwood shared his phone with Hector and the Ostian youth quickly found out what his oath brother meant. On the screen, a video played, with Anthiese herself appearing to hold a snow-white cat in her arms. Before long, both Ephraim and Camilla were hovering over them. Noticing this, Eliwood quickly rewound the video back to the beginning. The video description read… 366 likes / 5.2k reproductions ZofianCatLover ‘The cute cats of Sailane! Cannot miss it for anything in the world!’ #Traveling #Silesse #Sailane #Weekend #ZofianCatLover #OnePettingAtATime 2 hours ago. “Alm! Look at this plump little boy here!” Meanwhile, the video put her affectionate tones out in front when dangling her fingers above the aforementioned feline, which were rather odd for all three boys to see, especially given how composed the Zofian heiress behaved herself among them. “Isn’t he handsome?” “He sure is!” Even with the less-than-stellar audio, all 4 of them could recognize that voice immediately. For a few seconds after the video looped back to the beginning, everyone kept silent. “Whoa. WHAT? Is that the same ‘ice queen’ Riky has tried to get chummy with?” Among the currently present, nobody could buy just how sweet Anthiese Lima really sounded. Her calm, dignified disposition contrasted so badly with her current actions and tone on display. The biggest surprise, however, happened when the video got to the part where she reached with her right hand at the direction of the camera to grab the device; after a few seconds of shaky movements, Celica had stabilized the camera’s focus while her free arm found itself around the neck of a familiar young man. Alm himself looked supremely awkward standing around with Anthiese’s arm around him. The goofy and somewhat twitchy smile he was sporting while also holding the white cat in his arms spoke of the fact that he was probably the regular behind the camera lens in these videos. All hell broke loose, however, when she rested her head against Alm’s shoulder. “Oh my” While Camilla’s subdued response was expected… “NO WWWAAAAAYYYYY!”  Ephraim, Hector and Eliwood’s exclamation fetched a lot of stares from the people around them, especially so when they synched up their respective expressions of astonishment. Camilla looked somewhat askance by the juvenile outburst demonstrated by the trio of students. “Duuude!” “SWEET!” “You better believe!” Ephraim raised both hands up, which both the Lycian league youths immediately capitulated by high-fiving him. “So, what are the odds that they’re actually dating?” Eliwood’s query did not have a specific recipient. “That’s a 10/11 right there. No-brainer” Yet Ephraim felt confident enough replying to his junior. All of a sudden, Camilla felt even more out of place than before. “Why are you so invested in Alm and little Anthiese being an item?” “Because we’ve been here for a week and in that time we had—drumroll please Señor Ephraim” Ephraim obliged Faeris’ request by using Hector’s shoulder as a makeshift snare drum, while Eliwood and Hector took a deep breath. ♪ “4 insult challenges” ♫ “3 DC probations” ♫ “2 Cook-offs” ♪ “1 bungled kidnapping” In that moment, the trio stopped singing and alternated between tap-dancing and stomping around for a cool 5-second interlude. When their brief dance number came to an end, all three opted to strike a pose, using their left arm to motion a jazz hand in Camilla’s direction. ♪ “And a foiled muuuuurrrdeeer aaatteeempt!” ♫ Camilla was rather miffed at being reminded of the actions she performed a couple of days ago. Since she decided to be a good sport, however, the martial arts instructor decided to indulge the trio by offering a few claps for their attempts. “Riveting”   Before long, however, they were all interrupted by a man tapping on Hector’s shoulder. “Are you Hector Kormorane?” “Indeed! Whaddya got for me, buddy” “Well, given your previously stated satisfaction and user review from your first rental, we’ve thought… well, if you look to your left, you’ll see” Upon chancing a glance at the new rental they were being offered, both Eliwood Faeris and Hector Kormorane very loud, unbridled expressions of shock rendered them speechless for a spell. “It’s—” “A TRUE BEAUTY!” Both 3rd years ran towards the car, feeling as though it was a mirage bound to disappear before they could reach it. “Uh—” The rental agency employee was left feeling understandably stumped at both kids making a mad dash, especially with the key component still being in the palm of his hand. Luckily, one person remained with his feet down on earth. “It's fine, I’ll take the keys” And Ephraim did just that.

[092219archive]

incorrect fe8 quotes

ft. Eren

Ephraim, to an enemy: I’ll take you down! Come, Eren!

Eren:

Ephraim: Ere- Are... Are you red? In the face?

Eren: W-Well... the way you said that was...

Ephraim: Eren, it’s not the time for that.

Enemy: Really? Right in front of my salad?

Eirika: What’s the worst decision you’ve made while drunk?

Eren: I don’t mean to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Ephraim, after protecting Eren from further enemy attacks: Are you alright?

Eren:

Eren: I might need mouth-to-mouth CPR.

Ephraim: I will protect you. Just believe in me and follow my lead.

Eren: And if I don’t?

Ephraim: Then perish.

Ephraim: By the way, Eren... Is there anything you want currently?

Eren: Huh?

Ephraim, internally: Knowing Eren like I do, they’ll simply say something like, “Oh, Ephraim, I’ll be more than happy if you ust keep watching over me,” and I won’t have to--

Eren: A new set of armor... for my wyvern and I...

Ephraim: New sets of armor, you say...

Eren: Make sure to think before you speak. It’s a very important skill that you need for life.

Myrrh: Is that what you do, Eren?

Eren: Me? No, absolutely not. The words that come out of my mouth are as raw as fish.

Fomortiis: Mark my words! I will take away your happiness, no matter the cost!

Eren: My happiness...?

Eren: You think I’m happy?

Eren: Hey! I’m Eren, and this is my ex-boyfriend.

Ephraim: Haven’t I told you to stop calling me that?

Ephraim: Apologies, I’m Ephraim -- their husband.

Eren: Then, the officer said, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.”

Eren: So, I said, “Ephraim.”

Tana: Go tell them about your feelings, Ephraim!

Ephraim, awkwardly: You! You, uh... You fight good.

Eren, visibly disappointed: Oh. Thanks.

Eren: I am the strongest soldier known to man. The story of my awful deeds have spread across Magvel, to instill fear into the people, to gain the upper hand, to ensure Grado’s victory in this war. I will destroy and murder anyone who crosses my path.

Ephraim: *laughs*

Eren: I am a teenager with a crush.

Eren: About a week ago, I accidentally slept with Ephraim.

Tana: ... Really?

Eren: Yes.

Tana: You slept with Ephraim?

Eren: Yes.

Tana: Accidentally?

Eren: Yes.

Tana: I don’t understand, did you trip over something?

*First time being introduced to the rest of Ephraim’s army*

Ephraim: Just be yourself, say something nice.

Eren: Which one? I can’t be both.

Enemy: Go to hell!

Eren, quickly taking them out: Guess there’s no place like home.

Priest: Now, repeat after me-

Eren: After me.

Priest, whispering to Ephraim: Are you sure you want to marry this one?

Innes: Eren, I am-

Innes, putting his fingers together: -THIS close to smacking you.

Eren: Your fingers are touching.

Innes: Exactly.

Eren:

Innes:

*Eren immediately bolts, Innes trailing not to far behind*

Ephraim: So, I have this pretty rock that Eren gave me.

Eren: I threw it at you.

Eren: Ephraim and I are no longer friends.

Ephraim: That is the worst way to tell people we’re dating.

Eren: Ephraim sneezed earlier and I accidentally said, “shut the fuck up” instead of, “bless you.”

Innes: How do you accidentally say, “shut the fuck up?”

Eirika: It’s a little chilly...

Seth, offering his jacket: Here, my coat, Princess.

Eirika: Thank you, Seth.

Eren: I’m cold, Ephraim.

Ephraim: I can’t control the weather, Eren.

Eren: Ephraim... I can’t have children.

Ephraim: You can’t? Why?

Eren: Because I fucking hate kids.

Eren: Guess what I’m about to get?

Innes: On my nerves.

Eren: Who ate my fries? I’m gonna fucking b-

Myrrh: Oh... I did.

Eren: -buy you some more. You haven’t been eating enough.

Forde: I’m crying.

Forde: You made me cry.

Eren: Baby...

Forde: Now isn’t the time for pet names, Eren.

Eren:

Eren: I’m calling you a baby.

Eren: I’m insulting you.

Eren: Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate sometimes.

Innes: Maybe you should shut up.

Eren, uncomfortable: Why are you squeezing my body?

Ephraim: It’s a hug, Eren. I’m hugging you.

Myrrh, to Colm: You should ask Eren for help.

Myrrh: They look happy today.

Eren: *scowling*

Colm: ... Are we looking at the same person?

Ephraim: What are you two up to?

Ephraim: Oh! Eren seems to be in a good mood today.

Ephraim: I’ll give you a few minutes to cancel the rest of your plans for the day.

Eren: No need. My only plan was to buy Skittles.

Ephraim: Eren, we should be partners.

Eren: Like, partners in crime?

Ephraim: Yeah, er... that’s what I meant.

Ephraim: *gets a papercut*

Eren, under their breath: Hasn’t he been through enough?

Eirika: Who’s turn is it to give the pep-talk?

Innes, sighing: Eren...

Eren: Fuck shit up out there, and don’t die.

Ephraim, wiping a tear from his eye: Inspirational.

*Eren and their anger levels*

Eren (normal): Hey.

Eren (30%): Don’t do that again, Eph.

Eren (90%): If you don’t cut that out, Ephraim, I’m going to resort to unorthodox methods.

Eren (500%): We need to talk, Prince of Renais.

Eren: Hey, Eph. Your birthday is coming up. What do you want?

Ephraim: Thanks for asking, but I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

Eren: I already asked, so spill it out.

Ephraim: Alright, then. How about...

Ephraim: Your heart?

Eren: Don’t ask for something you already have.

Eren, realizing what they said: Wait--

Ephraim: *genuinely pleased despite doing nothing*

Eren: Don’t look at me like that.

Eren: Ephraim, wait.

Ephraim: ?

Eren: W... Will you go out with me?

Ephraim: Sure.

*Outside*

Ephraim: Why did you want to go out, Eren?

Eren: *internally screaming*

Eren: Okay. Stay calm. Stay calm...

Lute: Everyone is calm, Eren.

Eren: I’m talking to myself.

Ephraim: *feels slightly upset*

Eren: *kicks down the door of the room Ephraim’s in*

Eren: It’s motherfucking hug time.

Aaron: You really love my sibling, don’t you?

Ephraim: I do.

Aaron: Gods help you.

Eren: Alright, listen up, you little shits.

Eren: Not you, Eirika. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled to have you here.

Neimi: Eren’s losing a lot of blood!

Neimi: What’s your blood type?

Eren: B positive...

Neimi, crying: I’m trying!!

Ephraim: Hey, Eren. The password is 4177122.

Eren: The password to what?

Ephraim: To the wifi when you come over tonight.

Eren: Ohhh! You’re my favorite type of peanut butter!

Eren: SMOOTH

Eren: You’re so clingy.

Ephraim: You... came into MY bed?

Eren: You like me? For my personality?

Ephraim: I was surprised, too.

Eren: Wow, Eph! I wish I could pull off that outfit.

Ephraim: Go ahead.

Eren: What--

Ephraim: Next person to insult Eren will have to face me in combat.

Eren: I’m worthless. I don’t contribute to anything.

Ephraim:

Ephraim: Prepare your weapons, Eren--

Ephraim: You’re cute when you’re mad.

Eren: I’m always pissed.

Ephraim:

Eren:

Eren: ... Okay, you win this round.

Eren: Coffee or tea?

Ephraim: Tea.

Eren: Wrong! It’s coffee.

Aaron and Eren’s father: I am proud to have raised two fully, functional children.

Both of them: You have two kids we don’t know about?

Eren: Your hands... They’re big.

Ephraim: You know what they say about big hands.

Eren, with no hesitation: All the better to play with yourself.

Eren: I hate you.

Ephraim: No, you don’t.

Eren: No, I don’t.

Innes: It looks like you got no sleep last night.

Eren: I got 8 minutes.

Eren: Not consecutively though, but it’s fine. You’re not that blurry.

Ephraim: I love you.

Eren: Love? Do you mean like love or do you mean LOVE love?

Ephraim: Eren, it’s our wedding night.

Innes: I called you.

Eren: I know. I watched the phone ring.

Eren: I have to kill you.

Ephraim, confused: Eren?

Eren: I don’t know how to hit on you, so you have to die.

Ephraim: Eren, are you... seeing anyone?

Eren, sweating: No, why?

Ephraim: I just... think you’d benefit from a therapist or something.

Ephraim: Eren, can I give you advice?

Eren: Absolutely not.

Ephraim: I think we would be able to see eye-to-eye.

Eren: I’m 4′11″.

Eren, internally: Ephraim stopped talking. He wants you to respond! Say something, idiot!

Eren: I wasn’t thinking about killing you.

Ephraim: Thanks?

Eren, internally: Nailed it.

Eren: Aw, you had a crush on me.

Eren: That’s so embarrassing.

Ephraim: Eren, we’re married.

Eren: Still.

Ephraim: *does anything*

Eren: I’ve decided to give this man all of the love and affection I have to offer.

Ephraim: Good morning, Eren.

Eren, sleepy: Good morning, dearest...

Ephraim, after hearing “dearest”: :O!!!

Ephraim, bleeding severely: I think I might need a cleric.

Eren: Are you kidding me, Ephraim? I think you’re dying.

Ephraim: Eren, your hair is... interesting.

Eren: Thanks, I grew it myself.

Eren: I heard you were interested in someone.

Ephraim: Have you now?

Eren: They must be quite the looker to catch your eyes like that.

Ephraim: I didn’t think you were this full of yourself.

Eren:

Eren: Wait a minute--

Enemy: You have a lot of nerve challenging me!

Eren: You have a lot of nerve being alive.

Eirika, offering Seth food: Try some, Seth! Here.

Seth: I thank you, Princess.

Ephraim: Hey, why don’t we ever do that?

Eren: Go to hell.

Eren: I'm proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. A guy asked me what kind of animal a wyvern was and I dream of kissing him under the moonlight.

The same guy: Hey, what color is the Pink Panther?

Eren, already taking off their clothes: Ephraim, you’re so fucking stupid.

Ephraim: I would like to propose--

Eren: *eyes widen*

Ephraim: -an idea...

Eren: I’m not jealous. I just get this weird, burning feeling when I think about Ephraim being with somebody else.

Tana: That’s jealousy.

Eren: I want to kiss you.

Ephraim: And if you don’t like it?

Eren: You can return it.

Eren: Did it hurt?

Ephraim: ... When I fell from heaven?

Eren: No, Eph. When you got beat up and almost died.

Eren: Do you have any pets?

Ephraim, remembering girls like sensitive guys: A cat.

Eren: Oh, what’s its name?

Ephraim, remembering girls also like tough guys: Missile Launcher.

Eren: What do I do?

Tana: Tell him “you’re beautiful!”

Eren: Good idea.

Ephraim: Hey, Eren.

Eren: I’m beautiful.

Eren: I’ve always wondered... how do tall people like you sleep at night when the blanket can’t possibly cover you from your shoulders to your feet?

Ephraim: Eren, it’s 4AM.

Eren: Oh, you can’t sleep?

Eren:

Eren: Is it because of the blanket?

Tana: Eren! That’s a really cute top!

Eren: Thanks, his name is Ephraim.

Eren: I don’t believe in love. Love is for fools who have nothing else to believe in. Also-

Ephraim:

Eren:

Eren: Damn it.

Ephraim: How can someone say Eren is evil? They’re a soft, kind person.

Eren, wiping blood off of their face: Yeah! I’m fucking adorable.

Eren: I bet I could fit the whole world in my hands.

Ephraim: Eren, you can’t-

Eren, holding Ephraim’s face: Yes, I can.

Ephraim:

Ephraim, blushing: I have a reputation.

Ephraim: Is that my shirt?

Eren, wearing a shirt that goes down to their knees: No.

Ephraim: Are you decent?

Eren: Not morally. But I’m wearing pants if that’s what you’re asking.

Tana: Hey, Eren! Are you free next week? Maybe around 5PM on Friday?

Eren: Yeah.

Tana: What about you, Ephraim?

Ephraim: My schedule allows it.

Tana: Great! Because I’m not. You two go without me. Enjoy your date!

Ephraim:

Eren:

Eren: I would die for you.

Ephraim: I would die for you, too.

Eren, very emotionally: Please don’t.

Eren: I married my husband. I love saying “my husband,” it sounds so adult. “That’s my husband.” It’s great, you sound like a person.

Ephraim: You’re going to ace this test.

Eren, frustrated: You think that because you love me, and love has made you dumb.

Ephraim: I disagree. If anything, love has made me smarter. Remember how I boiled that egg last week?

Eren: That was big. I was really proud of you.

Innes: Why is Eren crying in the bathroom?

Lute: They’re  drunk.

Innes: And?

Lute: They heard Ephraim was married.

Innes:

Innes: But they’re Ephraim’s spouse.

Lute: I know.

Waiter: What would you like to have?

Ephraim: Please bring a milkshake with two straws.

Eren: *blushes a little*

Ephraim, putting both straws into his mouth: Watch how fast I can drink this.

Ephraim, holding up a picture of Eren: Have you seen my spouse?

Seth: Not recently. Why? Are they missing?

Ephraim: Oh no, they’re fine. I just want people to look at them. Aren’t they great?

Seth: My lord,

Eirika: Eren, what are you looking for?

Eren: My will to live.

Ephraim: *walks in*

Eren: Oh, there it is.

Forde: You don’t like to admit it, but if anyone else was mean to Ephraim, you’d beat them up.

Eren: That’s incor-

Ephraim, walking into the room: Innes said he’s gonna kick my ass.

Eren, standing up: Not if I kick his ass first.

Eren: Can you turn on the lights?

Ephraim: Don’t worry, I’m the only light you need.

Eren: Eph, that’s sweet of you, but I can’t see anything.

Eren: I have high standards.

Ephraim: Lances are the superior weapon.

Eren: Oh no, he’s meeting all my standards.

Eren: I was put on this earth to do one thing.

Ephraim: You were?

Eren: Yeah. Luckily, I forgot what it was so now I can do whatever I want.

Glen: We have your spouse.

Ephraim: Spouse? I don’t have a spouse.

Glen: Then who was the one that was willing to embarrass themselves when we said we would hurt you if they didn’t?

Ephraim: Oh my Gods.

Eirika: What is it?

Ephraim: They have Eren.

Seth: What’s your greatest weakness?

Eren: I’m uncooperative.

Seth: May I have an example?

Eren, immediately: No.

Ephraim: *takes Eren’s hand*

Eren: What was that?

Ephraim: Affection.

Eren: Disgusting.

Eren:

Eren: Do it again.

Eren: Ephraim and I don’t have pet names for each other. That’s silly.

Tana: Uh huh. Hey, you know what bees make, right?

Eren: Honey?

Ephraim, from the other room: Yes, Dear?

Tana: Don’t lie to me like that ever again.

Ephraim: *does something cute*

Eren: I don’t care.

Narrator: But they did care.

Eren: *has been laying on the ground for 15 minutes*

Eirika: What’s the matter with Eren?

Tana: They’re overwhelmed.

Eirika: What happened?

Tana: Ephraim smiled at them.

Ephraim, waking up: Wh... Where am I?

Eren, sarcastically: In heaven.

Ephraim: Oh. Then, why are you here?

Eren:

Lute, reading a fortune cookie: "If you kill a killer, the number of killers in the world stays the same.”

Eren, not looking up from what they’re doing: Kill two.

Ephraim and Eren: *staring into each other’s eyes*

Innes: *opens a soda can*

Ephraim: We’re having a moment.

Innes: I’m having a soda.

Enemy: You played me like a fiddle!

Eren: Oh no. Fiddles are actually difficult to play.

Eren: I played you like the cheap kazoo you are.

Aaron: Eren, your boyfriend is on the phone.

Eren: How many times do I have to tell you Ephraim’s not my boyfriend?

Eren, talking on the phone: Hey, Babe.

Eren: It’s okay. Everyone’s afraid of something.

Person: Even you, Eren?

Eren: No.

Baby: *crying*

Eren: What is their name?

Mother: Oh! It’s Jacob.

Eren, leaning down to the baby: Shut the fuck up, Jacob.

Eren: Science side of Twitter, how do I become a jellyfish?

Innes: Jellyfish have no brains. You’re already pretty close.

Eren: Okay, first of all, fuck you,

Innes: Why is Eren on the counter?

Ephraim: They like to be tall.

*After a disagreement*

Eren: *hands Ephraim an egg*

Ephraim:

Ephraim: Is this... an apology?

Eren: *nods aggressively*

Ephraim: From now on, we’ll be using codenames. You can address me as “Eagle One.”

Ephraim: Tana-

Tana: ?

Ephraim: Codename: “Been There, Done That”.

Tana: *visibly offended*

Ephraim: Eren is “Currently Doing That".

Eren: *grumbling*

Ephraim: L’Arachel is “It Happend Once in a Dream”.

L’Arachel: You perv-

Ephraim: Kyle is "If I had to Pick a Dude”.

Kyle: My lord,

Ephraim: Innes is...

Innes:

Ephraim: ... “Eagle Two”.

Innes: Oh thank Gods.

Innes: You can’t keep doing this, Eren.

Eren: Then enlighten me, Innes! What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Innes: First of all, no one should ever be in those shoes,

Ephraim: *bleeding profusely*

Kyle: Gods! Eren, call Ephraim a cleric! Quickly!

Eren: Uh... Ephraim, you’re a... cleric.

Forde, rushing Natasha over: Eren, for crying out loud-

Eren: Do you ever get... water hungry?

Ephraim: ... Thirsty?

Eren: No, water hungry.

Eren, holding up Ephraim’s shirt: What color is this?

Eirika: Gray.

Seth: Gray.

Kyle: Gray.

Forde: Gray.

Eren, turning to Ephraim: Tell them what color you think it is.

Ephraim, quietly: Dark white.

Tana: If you had a shot for every time you made a bad decision, would you still be sober?

Eirika, Seth, Innes: Of course.

Ephraim, Lute, Kyle: Yes.

Forde: Maybe a little tipsy.

Eren, sweating: Dead.

Ephraim: Hey.

Eren: What do you want?

Ephraim: I can’t sleep.

Eren: I can. Goodnight.

Kyle: To think that you and Eren broke the bed last night...

Forde: You two must of gone wild!

Ephraim, nervously: Yeah...

*Last night*

Eren: Bet you can’t jump high enough to touch the ceiling.

Ephraim: Oh yeah?

Ephraim: How did none of you hear what I said?

Forde: I’ve been zoned out for the last two hours.

Tana: I got distracted halfway through...

Eren: I got too lost in your eyes to hear what you said.

Innes: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Eren: I’ve never had a friend before.

Ephraim, awkwardly: I can... be your friend.

Eren:

Eren: You know, I’ve never had a husband before either.

Eren: Ephraim kissed me.

Tana: Oh! Okay, did you kiss him back?

Eren: Why would I kiss him back?

Tana:

Eren: This has been the worst year for me.

Ephraim: It’s January.

Eren, reading the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium.

Ephraim, covered in ink: Maybe the squid was being a dick.

Eren: I’m going to hell.

Ephraim: Save a space for me then.

Eren:

Eren, laughing: You’re not going to hell!

Ephraim: I told you in my vows - I’m going wherever you go. Save me a space.

Eren, choked up: Oh. Wow.

Eren: I can’t go. Stress is bad for the baby.

Ephraim: What baby?

Eren, softly: Me.

*Before recruitment*

Grado Ally: Has anyone in their life told you they love you?

Eren: Does my father count?

Grado Ally: Yes.

Eren: Then no.

Eren: I’ve only been in Ephraim’s army for a day and a half,

Eren: But if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Eren: Come on, Innes! I’m your hottest friend.

Eren: Wait, no. That’s Ephraim.

Eren: I’m your nicest friend!

Eren: No, that’s Eirika.

Eren: I’m your friend!

Innes: *preparing his bow*

Eirika: I relate to Belle because she loves to read books, and loves people for their souls.

Eren: I relate to Tinker Bell because she needs attention or she dies.

Eirika: Eren, I think we need to talk.

Ephraim: Eren, you need to react when people cry. Otherwise, it’s rude.

Eren: I did. I rolled my eyes.

Eren: I wasn’t that drunk.

Innes: You flirted with Ephraim.

Eren: What’s the big deal? He’s my husband.

Innes: You asked if he was single then cried when he said no.

Eren: Sorry I’m late. I didn’t want to come.

Tana: Do you ever want to get married?

Eren: I don’t want somebody in my house.

Eren: Unless it’s...

Eren: Oh Gods, unless it’s Ephraim.

Eren: Did you know “The Dead Sea” is the saltiest thing in the world?

Innes: Next to you.

Eren: Congrats! You just stole the spot.

Eirika: Happy Birthday, Eren! Ephraim ordered this cake for you.

Eren, looking at the size of the cake: ... He’s inside, isn’t he?

Everyone:

Eren, deeply sighing: Yes, he is.

Eren: Sometimes, I feel like dying.

Ephraim: What?

Eren: But then I think of not being able to see you anymore, and I don’t want that.

Eren: What the fuck is wrong with you?

Innes: You could have started with a “good morning.”

Eren: Good morning, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Person: I’ve been looking for you everywhere!

Eren: What a coincidence! I’ve been avoiding you everywhere.

Innes: Eren, can you get me a glass of water?

Eren, setting a glass of ice down on Innes’s table: Wait.

Ephraim: I heard you like bad boys.

Eren: Not... really.

Ephraim, taking off his shades: Oh, thank Gods.

Ephraim: That’s what significant others are for.

Eren: Gods, you’re so cute.

Eren: If I could kiss you right now, I would.

Ephraim: Eren... who says you couldn’t?

Eren: I could cuddle 23/7.

Ephraim: Why not 24/7?

Eren: Snack breaks.

Eren: Hey, want me to do a tarot reading for you?

Ephraim: I didn’t think you were into tarot reading, but sure.

Eren, laying down cards: Okay, this one tells me you’re a precious angel, this one says your smile is heavenly-

Ephraim: Eren, those aren’t tarot cards. They’re pictures of me.

Eren: Tall people! If we are walking, please take into consideration my tiny legs. I can’t keep up with you! Please think of my tiny legs! I don’t want to be jogging just to keep up with your leisurely stroll, you titans.

Ephraim: Just get a pair of roller skates and hang on to my sleeve. We don’t have all day.

Ephraim: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Eren: I don’t know, Ephraim. How tall are you?

Eren: I don’t need to go to bed. I’m not tired.

Ephraim: But, love, I’ll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Eren:

Eren: Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?

Ephraim: Is it working?

Eren: Ask me why I love you.

Ephraim: Why do you love me, Eren?

Eren, pulling out a 200 slide presentation: I’m glad you asked.

Ephraim: Is something burning?

Eren: Just my desire for you.

Ephraim: Eren, the toaster’s on fire.

Eren: When I said bring me back something from the beach, I meant a seashell or something.

Ephraim, struggling to hold a seagull: Well, you didn’t say that.

Innes: You know what your problem is?

Eren, sarcastically: I only have one?

Tana: Just go tell him he’s cute! What’s the worse that can happen?

Eren: He could hear me.

Tana: Oh, I wish I had the ability to make boys nervous!

Eren: Holding a sharp knife to their neck usually does it for me.

Tana: Eren, that’s not what I meant!

Eren: My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him. What should I do?

Lute: Punch him in the stomach, then kiss him when he doubles over in pain.

Innes: Tackle him, or kick him in the shin.

Ephraim: You could just ask me to lean down.

Eren: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk.

Ephraim: You tried to color my face with a highlighter because you said I was important.

Eren, tearing up: But you are.

Eren: I just ended a five year relationship.

Eirika: Oh no... Eren, are you okay?

Eren: Yeah, of course. It wasn’t mine.

Ephraim: Have a good day, Eren. Get well soon.

Eren: Don’t tell me what to do.

Eren: Hey, you think I could fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?

Innes: What is wrong with you? You’re a hazard to yourself.

Ephraim: And a coward. Do twenty.

Eirika: Eren doesn’t have a case on their phone and I’m worried that if they drop it, it’ll break.

Ephraim: Don’t worry, it won’t break from that height.

Eren: After knowing Ephraim for so long, we have this chemistry where we finish each other’s--

Ephraim: -sentences.

Eren: Don’t interrupt me.

Tana: Why is everyone so concerned about who’s a “top” or a “bottom”?

Tana: I’d just be happy to have a bunk bed.

Innes:

Seth:

Eirika:

Eren: I’m gonna tell her.

Ephraim, holding them back: Don’t you dare.

Innes: Eren, this plan... dare I say it, you’re... a genius.

Eren: I get called that a lot.

Innes: A genius?

Eren: No, Eren.

Eirika: There you are, Ephraim! Eren is hurt.

Eren: I’m not hurt. I was lightly stabbed.

Ephraim: I’m sorry, you were STABBED?

Eren: LIGHTLY stabbed.

Eirika: You guys have kissed how many times?

Ephraim: A few.

Eirika:

Eirika: That’s... not technically a friendship.

Ephraim: What’s the one thing you want to try in the bedroom?

Eren: Fall asleep without crying.

Eren: I’m going to show you all a song I’ve been working on! It’s called “My Life so Far.”

Eren: *plays a note*

Eren: *screams*

Ephraim: I’m quick at math.

Eren: Okay, what’s 38 times 74?

Ephraim: 25.

Eren: That... is not remotely close.

Ephraim: But it was quick.

Enemy: I’m going to kill you!

Eren: Okay.

Enemy: I’m going to kill Ephraim!

Eren: If you don’t lay down your weapons right now, I’ll see to it that you are never be able hold them again.

Eren: I’ve been dropping them obvious hints now. No response.

Ephraim: They sound stupid.

Eren: But they’re not! They’re really smart, actually. Just... dense.

Ephraim: Maybe you need to be more obvious.

Ephraim: Maybe something like, “Hey! I love you!”

Eren: I guess you’re right...

Eren: Ephraim, I love you.

Ephraim: See? Just say that.

Eren: Oh my Gods.

Ephraim: If that flies over their head then, sorry, Eren, but they’re too dumb for you.

Eren: Ephraim.

Ephraim: Good luck with whoever it is.

Innes: You keep hugging Ephraim when he’s upset. Next thing you know, he’s going to fall in love with you. Is that what you want?

Eren, scoffing: I don’t know, is that what I want?

Tana, loudly from the other room: Yes, that’s what they want!

Eirika: Where are you going, Eren?

Eren: To get butter or to stab someone -- I’ll decide on the way.

Eren: I don’t have a favorite friend. How could you think that? All of my friends are of equal importance and worth.

Lute: It’s Eirika, isn’t it?

Eren: I can’t help it! She has those “love me tender” eyes and I’m weak.

Person: I really look up to you.

Eren: Debatable.

Tana: So, Eren! Are you the little spoon or the big spoon?

Eren: I’m a knife.

Ephraim: They’re the little spoon.

Eren: I’m fine.

Ephraim: But you don’t look fine.

Eren: Then don’t look at me.

Ephraim: Eren,

Aaron: Hey.

Eren: New phone. Who is this?

Aaron: You can’t do that in person. It’s Aaron.

Eren:

Aaron: Your brother!

Eren: I’ve never been in a snowball fight.

Ephraim: Really?

Eren: I don’t even know the rules. Is it a point system?

Eren: Or... is it to the death?

Eren: You know, don’t take this the wrong way (or do), but I feel like you’ve become a lot more cooler since I’ve known you.

Innes: Thanks. And if I might return the compliment, I think you’ve become marginally less irritating.

Tana: I sort of did something and I need your advice. But I don’t want a lot of judgment and criticism.

Eren: And you came to me?

Ephraim: Can you pick up milk?

Eren: Yeah, it’s pretty easy.

Ephraim: I meant from the store.

Eren: I would imagine it weighs the same there, too.

Tana: Eren, how long have you been in love with Ephraim?

Eren: That’s disgusting. And wrong. I don’t even get - why would I - I’ve never been in love with anyone, anywhere. It’s none of your - you have - the nerve, the audacity. Ephraim is my friend, technically. And he’s terrible, face-wise. And how - how do I know, frankly, that you’re not in love with him? Maybe you are. Maybe you’re trying to throw me off. Check and mate.

Enemy: I will make you sorry you were ever born!

Eren: For your information, I’m already sorry I was ever born.

Eren: I’m at a loss for words.

Ephraim: Despite being at a loss for words, Eren proceeded to lecture me for 10 minutes.

Enemy: You have no idea what I’m capable of!

Eren: Don’t take it personally, but I feel like I’m being threatened by a cupcake.

Ephraim: What are we going to do, Eren?

Eren: I was thinking of dinner.

Ephraim:

Ephraim: I was referring to Fomortiis.

Joshua: What’s your biggest fear?

Eren: Being forgotten.

Joshua: That’s... wow.

Joshua: Mine is the Kool-Aid Man but I feel kinda stupid about it now.

Ephraim: Eren, please stop eating instant ramen so frequently. It’s bad for you.

Eren: How many times do I have to tell you that I’m here for a good time, not a long time?

Ephraim: Eren, please--

Ephraim: Be nice, Eren.

Eren: I am!

Ephraim: You threatened them with a knife.

Eren: But I didn’t stab them.

Person: I want to be as strong and stable as Eren is.

Ephraim:

Ephraim: I saw them drop dinner and cry for 20 minutes.

[imaginingfireemblem]

team ratings are super cool! I have four accounts, [nOT HEALTHY BUT EHHDHD??] but I'll go with one of them even though I have multiple. My team is Veronica, [S Support] Myrrh [S Support with Vero], Innes and Ephraim [S Support with Innes]. I think Vero and Myrrh are really close friends, but it's really up to you. ヾ(´･ ･｀｡)ノ

Holy shit four accounts asdkghfkl i only have one but if i could maintain that many….. I would. Your team sounds adorable

Yeah with an S support Myrrh and Veronica are best friends

Myrrh is someone who Veronica can put her full trust in. She doesn’t trust very easily, but Myrrh is so sweet to her.

They share many secrets. Veronica tells her about her brother and Myrrh reveals to her how lonely she truly is. These two find that they have much in common.

They’re the two daughters of the team and obviously Innes and Ephraim are the terrible dads

Innes should not be allowed to watch two children –

Even though Myrrh tells him she’s not a child, he will never stop calling her that

Ephraim is great with kids. Obviously he and Myrrh have history and she finds it incredibly calming to be around him

They do sweet things like make flower crowns together

Myrrh asks Ephraim to help her make one for Veronica and he almost cries

“My daughters…… so sweet” “ephraim shut up and stop crying ur getting tears on my coat” “no u, innes”

Ephraim and Innes are always bickering but their two girls know that it’s out of love

“Myrrh, if these two ever get married I demand we both be flower girls” “hold on veronica what did you just say” “Nothing, Innes”

Ephraim soon learns about Veronica’s brother and he is crushed

He can’t imagine being without Eirika

He obviously goes to Innes with this information and he feels it strike at his heart

He would never be able to leave Tana alone. He wouldn’t forgive himself

So they obviously start calling her their daughter and make it incredibly obvious that they will love and support her in everything

Veronica is confused at first but she warms up to it. Both Innes and Ephraim remind her of Bruno. They would both do anything to protect her

And Myrrh is the friend she never even dreamed she could have

Myrrh is very happy with this, too, loving that her big brother (now father, as ephraim will correct her) has adopted Veronica into the family

Innes has a hard time showing how much he loves them because of his pride but he always ALWAYS protects them no matter the cost

So everyone knows

If they bring it up he starts denying it, saying it’s just his job

But everyone knows……. Its not

[writeremblemfics]

The Angry Tactician is Not Impressed pt. 2/4

48 Hours Until Celebration

“Alright, Your Majestys, let me know if you need anything,” Kyle served two cups of steaming-hot tea to the two figures perched at the tiny table in Eirika’s quarters and bowed respectfully before making his exit.

“Thanks, Kyle,” Eirika called after him. The princess turned her attention to her oaf of a brother, whose bedhead reached unprecedented levels of fluffiness and whose eyes were barely cracked open. “You alive, bro?”

“Mhm,” Ephraim grunted vaguely.

“Here, have some tea and perk up. We need to talk strategy.” In contrast to her usual breezy kindness, Eirika’s tone was all business this morning. “We have a time crunch, and we really can’t have Innes interfering with our plans. He grilled Tana last night and we were almost found out.”

“Need more help?” the king yawned.

“You are helping. You have a very important job this time.”

“Is it training?” Ephraim was suddenly wide awake. He took a big gulp of tea, only to burn his mouth on the searing liquid and nearly choke. As he coughed violently, Eirika patted his back.

“You okay?” The girl asked, at war with herself over whether she should laugh or be legitimately concerned.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ephraim managed.

“Anyway,” Eirika cleared her throat. “we can’t do the same thing every day, we need a bigger diversion.  I’ve enlisted some backup.”

“Backup?”

There was a sharp knock on the door. “Right on time. Come in,” Eirika said.

Right on cue, Franz and Amelia marched into the room, posture stick-straight and eyes brimming with eager determination. “We are here to serve, Your Majestys!” chanted the young knights in unison.

“Wonderful,” Eirika beamed. “I need you two to help my brother occupy Innes for the day so we can make arrangements for  his party. And not a word of this to the other castle staff, alright?”

“I won’t fail you,” Franz clenched his fist.

“Milady, if word gets out, I will rip out my own vocal cords as penance.” Amelia vowed, stone-faced.

“Amelia, that… won’t be necessary.”

“You gotta admit, the kids have balls,” Forde burst into the room, planting himself between the two and tousling their hair in a brotherly fashion.

“Brother,” Franz pouted, swatting away Forde’s hand.

“We are all present, save for His Majesty Innes,” Kyle announced, closing the door behind him. “We’ve finished the preparations to travel to the mountains.”

“The mountains?” Ephraim glanced at his sister in askance.

“The six of you are going monster-hunting,” Eirika grinned.

 ~~ After a tense, hours-long trek into the heart of the mountains, the hunting party began to notice an ominous aura hanging in the air. Even though none of them were particularly attuned to magic, something felt… off about their surroundings. The mountain ecosystem that normally teemed with life was noticeably void of animals, and the plant life appeared dull, pressed downward by some invisible force.

“Milord, this is the place the scouts mentioned,” Franz hopped off his horse and approached the group, who’d been waiting further behind for his report. “We’ve sighted monsters that haven’t been seen since the Demon King’s defeat.”

“Strange,” Innes mused, poring over the map and stroking his chin. “Could this mean a surge in demonic activity? An attempt by a dark mage to...” Innes cut himself off, thinking better of mentioning Lyon’s fate at the hands of the Demon King.

Truthfully, Ephraim had no idea how monsters had reappeared in Magvel. When he’d asked Eirika about it, she’d simply given him a devious smirk and replied, “You’ll see.”

“Right now, it’s important that we eliminate the threat. We can examine the source later,” suggested Kyle, to which the rest of the party nodded in agreement.

“How about a little wager to spice this up?” Forde suggested, attempting to lighten the mood.

“Is now really the time?” Innes frowned.

“Hmm, so you don’t think you can kill more monsters than ol’ Ephraim here? I see.”

“No one said that,” Innes bristled. “If we are keeping score, I’ll certainly emerge victorious.”

“You’re on,” Ephraim readied his lance.

Their banter was interrupted by a piercing howl that echoed off of the mountainside. “There!” Amelia pointed to a rocky outcropping in the distance where an imposing canine figure stood stock still, yellow mane blazing in the harsh sunlight, fangs bared, glowing, hellish eyes boring into his prospective prey.

“Is that a Mauthe Doog?” Franz asked. From his post to the right of the young man, Ephraim could see the boy’s sword-arm quiver.

“No, it’s a Gwyllgi,” Forde corrected. “Fully grown, much more dangerous. Stay on your toes, Little Brother.”

“Strange, they don’t usually travel alone,” Kyle muttered.

“It isn’t alone,” Innes gestured with his bow to the pack of prowling beasts surrounding them on all sides, a mix of young monsters with red and black fur, and their elders, with noticeably bigger teeth jutting from their maws and manes glowing yellow. “The leader signaled its pack. We need to stick together and fight as one, don’t let them isolate you or you’re as good as dead.”

Nice job, Eirika, Ephraim groaned internally, maybe now Innes will never know about his birthday party. Because he won’t live to see it.

Ephraim counted three heartbeats of tense silence, then everything was a blur of chaotic melee.

“Innes, on your left!” Ephraim roared, yanking his lance from the corpse of an elder beast and reacting just in time to hold off a second, which clamped its jaws in the middle of his weapon. The king of Renais kicked the Gwyllgi off and it crashed into the canyon wall, slumping to the ground, dazed.

Before Ephraim could finish the job, an arrow sprouted from the monster’s forehead. “That’s another one for me,” Innes deadpanned.

“Hey, that was mine!” Ephraim protested. “I did all the work!”

“But you couldn’t follow through, what a shame.” There was a wicked smile on the archer’s face as he aimed his bow right over Ephraim’s shoulder, laying another beast to waste before it could pounce. “This is fun, it’s as if I never left the battlefield,” he mocked.

“Watch your mouth, dastard,” Ephraim took a bounding leap and skewered a charging predator midair, muscles burning as he drove it into the ground. “Point, Ephraim.”

“Hey, lovebirds!” Forde snapped. “Three of the Mauthe Doogs ganged up on Amelia, get over here.”

All of the humor evaporated from their faces as the two men charged after Forde. Abruptly, the knight stopped in the face of a steep incline, and Ephraim had to firmly grasp Innes’ arm and yank him back against his chest to keep the Frelian king from taking a nasty fall.

“Don’t die,” Ephraim growled.

Instead of a ‘thank you’, Innes notched an arrow and pointed it at the scuffle below. Amelia was fighting valiantly, having bested two of her three pursuers. But her stance swayed, her blonde hair was plastered to her forehead and there were claw and teeth marks marring her prized red armor. The lone remaining creature circled her, seeking an opening.

“Can you hit that thing and miss Amelia?” Ephraim asked.

“Obviously,” Innes closed one eye. But before he could take a shot, Franz came thundering down the incline, eyes rimmed red with rage and a mix of adrenaline and gravity spurring him forward at superhuman speed.

“Ameliaaaaaaaaa!” He cried, catching the Mauthe Doog in the jaw with his shield and sending it flying. With that opening, Innes finished the job in the blink of an eye. The monster lay still.

“Amelia,” Franz sobbed, throwing his arms around her as fat tears rolled down his cheeks. “You’re alive.”

Stunned, Amelia tentatively patted the boy’s back, a tired smile gracing her lips. “I’m okay. My rival got to me in time.”

“Are you hurt?” Kyle skidded down the slope, followed by the rest of the party. Forde practically had to pry a blubbering Franz off of his companion so they could examine her.

“No major injuries,” Kyle reported. “But we should get her checked out by the healers once we get home.”

“Maybe,” Franz managed, swiping at his eyes and trying to regain his composure, “maybe we can take a rest in that cave over there.”

“Wait,” Ephraim commanded. Everyone froze. “If the monsters have returned, we can’t travel through the caves. Remember?”

It dawned on the others, and Forde gave a disgusted groan. “I hate spiders.”

“What should we do now?” Franz asked tentatively. “Isn’t it our mission to wipe out the monsters here?”

“Demonic beasts aren’t naturally occurring,” Innes mused. “We need to find the source. If we can do that, we won’t need to fight every monster directly.”

“What are we looking for, then?” Amelia cocked her head to he side.

“A dark mage, a suspicious gateway, ancient runes or artifacts, maybe?” Innes shrugged.

Eirika has to know, Ephraim figured. But bringing Innes back this early from the expedition could be problematic. “Amelia, are you alright to keep going?”

“Of course!” Amelia showed no hesitation. “I won’t slow you down.”

“If you’re okay, that’s good. Innes?” Ephraim grinned. “You’re our tactician, I’ll defer to your judgement. What’s the best course of action here?”

Innes paused, deep in thought. “Heading toward the summit might be our best bet. We can get a good vantage point.”

“Roger,” Ephraim gave him a playful salute. “Let’s head out, then.”

The group pressed on, making their way up as quickly as possible while taking Amelia into consideration. They ran into monster after monster; a cyclops here, a stray Bael there. Ephraim and Innes were tied for kills, growing frustrated that neither could develop a significant lead.

They were nearly at the mountain’s peak when Franz, who had been stuck to Amelia’s side like glue the whole way, let out a gasp. “Wait.”

The party came to a halt, following his line of sight to a large stone that blocked their path up ahead. The closer Ephraim looked, the more the mound of rock began to resemble a human silhouette. It cast a long, jagged shadow on the uneven ground.

“Allow me to inspect,” Kyle offered. “Forde, come with me.”

“I’m good here,” Forde folded his arms, but contrary to his words, he followed his

friend to get a closer look. Unable to quell their curiosity, the others inched forward after him. “Gods, it’s definitely a person.”

Amelia put a hand to her heart, voice shaking. “Do you see that crest? It’s a soldier from Grado.”

A hush fell over the party. “Only one culprit comes to mind,” Innes furrowed his brow.

“It couldn’t possibly be a gorgon—” The companions traded tense looks. Gorgons were some of the most dangerous monsters in Magvel. Not only were these grotesque fusions of snake and woman skilled at magic, but one well-aimed spell could petrify even the mightiest warrior.

From the summit, there came a hissing shriek, a surge of dark magic that barely missed the party and blasted the rock face behind them. “Run!” Ephraim commanded. That proved redundant, everyone’s feet were already flying, frantically thundering down the mountainside. They were all short of breath from the elevation and tired from their full day of hiking, it was all the warriors could do to dodge falling rocks and keep from tumbling to their deaths. Kyle and Forde led the way, with Franz and Amelia at their heels and Ephraim and Innes bringing up the rear a fair bit behind.

“This is bad, that thing has the high ground, and who knows if we can outrun it,” Innes panted. “Also, if its attacks don’t let up soon, we could be dealing with a full-on landslide.”

“That means we’ll need to beat it quickly,” Ephraim huffed. “If that’s the case, I’ll hold it off and the rest of you go on ahead—”

“Absolutely not!” The archer barked. “You have a death wish?”

“Innes,” Ephraim stopped short, readying his weapon and turning toward the pursuing beast. “I don’t pick fights I can’t win.”

The King of Frelia was speechless. Staring. Scowling. He looked torn between leaving the foolish lancer to die and backing him up, but as the gorgon rounded the corner and barreled into sight, he settled on the latter. He notched an arrow.

“Haaah!” Ephraim cried, lunging forward to swipe at the monster’s undulating snake-torso. His strike was too shallow, only leaving an oozing scratch on its scaly hide. Innes loosed his arrow to similarly small effect. The gorgon reared back, enraged, magic pooling between its spindly human hands. Only now did it sink in for Ephraim that the mountain path was too narrow to dodge magic at close-range. There was nowhere to go but backward as the gorgon readied its petrifying blow.

Everything seemed to slow down. Ephraim briefly registered Innes leaping in front of him in a futile attempt to shield him, directly into the path of the oncoming spell.

Was this the end for both of them?

Instead of pain or nothingness, however, there was a blinding flash of light. The air was thick with magical energy, but the cold menace of dark magic was soon overwhelmed by a sudden, life-affirming warmth.

When the spell faded, Ephraim was met with the shaking form of a panting priest, his red curls disheveled and his staff raised to the heavens. Ephraim was shocked nearly speechless.

“A-Artur?”

The young man let out a relieved smile. “King Ephraim, King Innes, you’re safe.”

“Good timing,” Innes managed, struggling with the shock of nearly being turned to stone.

“I’m sorry,” Artur looked sheepishly from the king of Renais to the king of Frelia. “I should have kept a closer eye on her.”

“Her?” DId he mean the gorgon?

“Hey, Artie!” An excited voice called from below, and all at once, Ephraim understood their situation. “You seen my gorgon egg?”

“Lute,” Artur’s lips were pressed into a hard line. “I thought we agreed, no gorgons.”

The mage prodigy, her dark purple hair longer and her expression somehow conveying more curiosity and mischief than ever before, laid eyes on her visitors and laughed. “Well, if it isn’t my fellow saviors of Magvel. Well-met, I suppose.”

“Is this your doing?” Innes could barely contain the fury in his voice.

“Don’t be so dull,” Lute drawled. “There is danger in the pursuit of knowledge, but that inevitability cannot quash exploration.”

“‘Inevitability’ my ass, we nearly died!” Innes fumed, standing toe to toe with the source of the day’s adrenaline. Lute, despite the massive height difference, stared unflinchingly in the face of the archer’s rage, head tilted in defiance.

“Please, Dear, be polite,” Artur begged. “They’re royalty, they could banish us.”

“They would never--”

“We would never--” Ephraim and Lute spoke simultaneously, and upon realizing it, the two broke into hearty laughter.

“I’m glad the two of you aren’t statues,” Lute smirked. “Would you care for a cup of tea and a hot meal? Artur was about to get started on dinner.”

“We couldn’t possibly impose,” Ephraim scratched his neck.

“Nonsense, gather the rest of your party and meet at the house.” Lute gestured past path to a modest yet cute little dwelling tucked into the mountainside. Surrounding the house were patches of mountain herbs and ingredients for various elixirs drying out in the sun.

“How did you know we brought a hunting party?” Innes asked suspiciously.

“Would two kings travel in the mountains alone?” Lute rolled her eyes. “That would be foolish.” The mage shot Ephraim a subtle little wink before leading the way. He wondered if his sister knew how far Lute had taken her mission, how much real danger they would face. Somehow, he doubted it.

[casualfeh]

Lorelei and Fado overhearing Lyons "I don't deserve to be alive" line and instantly like "Father why would you say that? You can't honestly believe that!" They then shower him with love and tell him how great of a father he is and how a great and kind king he is. They tell him how they love him and look up to him as much as they love and look up to their mother and uncle Ephraim. The two are practically in tears at the thought of the father they love saying such things.

they arent the only ones in tears. lyon is so happy that his kids care for him despite what has happened. fado and lorelei make an effort after that to shower him with love. theyd be devastated that their father would even think of himself like that and get eirika to help them with super secret things to make their dad happy. he can always tell its them, but he’s honestly happy for once, and makes sure he show them his appreciation. lyon still harbours those dark thoughts, yes, but time spent with his family is enough to pull him out of them.

[deetvar-moved]

Okay, am I the only one tireed of the "Its not Fire Emblem/Genealogy/Jugdral without incest" jokes? Like, yeah Dierdre and Arvis are half-siblings, but neither of them knew it? And Lachesis' relationship with Eldigan (in game at least) is more just a girl who really likes her brother, not necessarily romantically. Even beyond that, Eirika and Ephraim are just twins close with each other, but its not really incestuous? Maybe this is just me overreacting to a joke, but its just gotten tired for me

I was considering deleting this but honestly might as well answer because this topic seems to coming up a lot (more than I would like).

Yes, Alvis and Deirdre are half-siblings and by the time Alvis finds out it’s too late. Julia and Julius are already born, he’s got the throne and he intends on living a lie to maintain it. Also why tell the truth? That actually ruins his grand plan and if would probably net him and all his kids burned at the stake. 

Actually I’m sorry to destroy a view of yours but Lachesis genuinely has romantic feelings for Eldigan. You find out if you pair Nanna with Ares. Nanna: “Aless, take it easy out here. You still have a monumental task awaiting you.”Aless: “I haven’t forgotten, believe me. I’ve no intention of dying in this war. I will not rest until Agustria has attained the glory my father envisioned for it.”Nanna: “I know you can do it, Aless. Your father would be so proud of you…”Aless:“But I can’t do it alone, Nanna. I need you.”Nanna: “Of course, Aless. My life is yours. I’m not making the same mistake my mother did.”Aless: “What… his own sister fell in love with him?”Nanna: “Yes… she did. But it’s not all that strange, really. They had different mothers.”Aless:“Hey, that reminds me. You and I are cousins, aren’t we…”Nanna: “Yeah, that’s right. Hehehe…”HOWEVER I’d like to point to both the ENTIRETY OF THE FANDOM and INTELLIGENT SYSTEMS, that Lachesis’s feelings for Eldigan are something she actually grows out of. I find it incredibly depressing that people (and IntSys) focus on a aspect of her personality that will ultimately come to pass. SHE GETS OVER IT PEOPLE. She becomes a badass princess with a horse, can do all the things. and is basically Leif’s mom for his entire childhood...yet people focus on that over everything else afterward. As for Eirika & Ephraim, my SS knowledge is rather limited but the general gist is this. Ephraim doesn’t seem all that interested in woman (if anything he has more meaningful male relationships), Innes and Lyon express jealousy at the close bond between the Twins, Eirika & Ephraim’s personal weapons are a mythological reference of an incestuous couple, and a shared ending. Very basically you CAN interpret it in that way, but you SHOULDN’T. So TLDR, please stop. 

[allitalksfandom]

Happy belated Nagamas!

Happy @nagamas to @siegmunds! Pretty cool to write for one of the first people I met in the FE fandom, huh? Anyway, the prompt was for EphraimxLyon AU fic, so here’s a tale of baking, finding independence, and confusing introspection on one’s sexuality.

“You may kiss the groom,” says Eirika.

           “Ew, but he has cooties!” Ephraim sticks out his tongue.

           “No I don’t! You do!” Lyon stares at them in a panic.

           “Lyon doesn’t have cooties, you weirdos.” Eirika sits behind a small folding table. “Now I’m going to sell you a house.”

           Ephraim doesn’t mind pretend-marrying Lyon. His father told him that it was okay for men to love men, and there is a couple with a huge dog down the street. It’s just that everyone knows that girls have cooties, but Eirika says that boys have cooties. So that means that everyone has cooties.

           “We can’t buy a house. We don’t have money,” says Lyon.

           “Then buy a fort,” Eirika replies.

           “Okay, bye!” Ephraim moves the pillow that is serving as the door to the pillow fort in his room, and he and Lyon enter.

           “It’s dusty,” says the purple-haired boy.

           “Well, we can’t afford anything better. We need jobs.”

           “Let’s be bakers like our dads,” suggests Lyon.

           They leave the fort and head over to the kitchen playset.

           Eirika is still sitting at the table. “Ooh, I want to be your customer!”

           “Sure,” says Ephraim. “What are you going to make, Lyon?”

           “It’s a cake with salted caramel frosting,” he replies.

           Ephraim licks his lips. “I wish we were old enough to bake for real!”

           “We’re eight. Father told me that I’ll burn myself if I get too close to the oven.”

           Ephraim huffs. “You don’t have to listen to your dad all the time, you know.”

           “But he’s the smartest person I know.”

           “And one day you’ll be smarter than him. Now c’mon, Eirika’s waiting.” Ephraim grabs his plastic mixer and stirs an imaginary mixture.

++++++

           Valentine’s Day is in a week.

           “So because we’re in middle school, there isn’t a class party, so no candy,” complains Ephraim. He sits at a table inside Renais Bakery, owned and operated by his family for seventy-two years.

           “You kids get enough sweets from coming here every day,” his father replies.

           “That’s not true! Eirika and I don’t have cavities, so we must not be getting enough!”

           The bakery’s new employee walks into the room. “Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Renais, but the mayor’s office is the phone about catering an event.”

             “Thanks, Seth.” Fado goes behind the counter and goes into his office.

           Ephraim slips behind the counter and stands next to Seth, who takes an oval bowl out of the microwave. “What are you making?”

           “It’s called ‘indoor s’mores,” says Seth.

           “Don’t you need a campfire for that?”

           “Not for this type of s’more,” he explains. “You melt a chocolate bar or two in the microwave, and then mix the melted chocolates with mini marshmallows and pieces of graham cracker. After that, all you have to do is scoop the mixture into cupcake wrappers.”

           “Oh, I can help!”

           Eirika runs around to join them before Seth can respond. “I want to help, too!”

           “I asked first!”

           “Well, I finished my homework, and you haven’t started yours yet.”

           Their teenaged companion interrupts them. “I don’t see any reason why you both can’t help,” he says.

           They make twenty indoor s’mores, and Ephraim only licks his spoon three times.

           “This is cool, but if I were in charge, I would use regular marshmallows and roast them first,” he says.

           “That’s a great idea, Ephraim.” His father has returned to the front of the bakery without any of them noticing.

           “Mr. Fado, I-”

           “Don’t apologize, Seth.” Fado turns back to Ephraim. “I wish your teachers knew how creative you are.”

           Ephraim rolls his eyes. “They don’t know anything. Anything I care about, at least. Why do I have to go to school, anyway?”

           “You have to either go to school or be homeschooled because it’s the law, Ephraim. And I don’t have the time to teach you myself.”

           Ephraim glances at Seth. “You’re so lucky that you’re almost grown.”

++++++

           “Well, at least we have lunch at the same time, Lyon.”

           Ephraim starts high school next week, and Magvel High School buses kids in from all over the county.

           “I can’t believe that we’ll finally be going to school together,” says Eirika.

           Lyon lowers his voice. “I wanted to ask you two…You’re pretty popular, right?”

           Eirika shrugs. “I mean, people seem to like us at school. Why do you ask?”

           Lyon stares at the table. “I was hoping that you could help me meet people. You know, make friends.”

           “Of course, Lyon!” Ephraim grins. “And hey, if anyone tries to shove you in a locker, I’ll stick their head in a toilet.”

           “I don’t think that sort of thing happens in real life,” says Eirika. “At least not at Magvel High School.”

           “Yeah, that sounds fake,” says Lyon, but he seems happier when their fathers walk over to the table and the subject changes.

           “All right, you three,” says Fado. “Here lies the ultimate test. What’s better, my unbaked brownies or Vigarde’s black bean brownies?”

           “Black beans?!” Ephraim groans. “That sounds disgusting.”

           “It’s better than it sounds,” replies Vigarde. His tone of voice is normal enough, but he always sounds stern to Ephraim. “Your father’s concoction has dates in it, of all things.”

           “Well, we’ll see whose dish wins,” says Fado, smirking.

           Their fathers leave, and the trio enthusiastically tries the brownies.

           “They’re so soft,” says Eirika dreamily.

           Lyon taps Ephraim on the shoulder. “You have chocolate on your face.”

           “Where?”

           Lyon grabs a napkin and wipes his face. “I got it,” he says, blushing.

           Ephraim stares at the napkin, saying nothing.

++++++

           “I don’t want to be a baker.”

           Ephraim drops his pizza back onto his plate.

           Eirika is looking intently at their father.

           Fado’s voice is calm. “Why not?”

           “Well, being a chef is still a male-dominated field, right? I can’t imagine it’ll be a lot easier to find acceptance in the baking world.”

           Ephraim’s jaw drops.

           Fado nods. “Okay. What do you want to do, then?”

           “Oh, I still want to work at Renais Bakery, but I want to manage the books and things like that.”

           Their father chuckles. “All right, then. Ephraim can bake and you can handle the money.”

           Ephraim frowns. “Wait a minute. I like baking, but I’m supposed to be the rebellious teen! Don’t take that away from me, Eirika!”

           “Just sneak another beer from the fridge, and you’ll be good for the week.”

           Ephraim pales. “How’d you know about that?!”

           “The only people that have keys to the house are Eirika, you, and I,” says Fado. “Process of elimination.”

           “Well, I don’t want another one of those for a while. I thought I was gonna vomit after I took a couple of sips.”

           That makes his father laugh again.

           The twins look at each other and shrug. Sometimes adults don’t make sense.

++++++

            Now that they’re sixteen, the twins are officially on the payroll at the bakery.

           Eirika gets to double-check all of their father’s books. She keeps her copies in a red notebook that she keeps near the cash register. Ephraim notices that she sometimes has a yellow notebook, too, but he’s never had a chance to look in it.

           Right now he’s making an Oreo cookie cake. He’s used about twenty containers, and it’s taken five hours, but he’s finally done.

           He flops dramatically onto the counter. “I’d like to thank Adderall for its contribution to my cake.”

           “Speaking of, we’re due for our afternoon pill.” Eirika gets two pill bottles out of her bag and hands one to him.

           Ephraim stands up and swallows one with water. He was diagnosed with ADHD in middle school, but Eirika wasn’t until last year.

           She smiles at him. “Your cake looks great, Ephraim.”

           Forde removes a cake from the freezer. “Wow, Ephraim, how did you make that?”

           Ephraim folds his arms behind his head. “Years of perfecting the removal of frosting from Oreos.”

           Forde wags his finger at him. “You’re lucky I’m so chill, otherwise I’d be offended at your not taking my question seriously.”

           “Forde, could you stop chatting for a second and help me?” Kyle is working on the icing for a chocolate espresso cake.

           “I swear you’re going to get the reputation for a nag, Kyle.”

           “I’m just trying to make sure you don’t get in trouble.” Kyle’s voice is weary, like they’ve had this conversation before. Which they have.

           “My father wouldn’t fire you guys, you know,” says Ephraim.

           “That’s right,” adds Eirika. “No great baker works alone, after all, and you’re part of his team.”

           The conversation continues, but Ephraim slips away when his phone vibrates.

           Lyon’s name appears. Are we still on for your tutoring session tonight?

           Ephraim smiles when he sends his response. Only you can make tutoring sound even a tiny bit non-sucky.

           I suppose I should take that as a compliment?

           I suppose so.

++++++

           “I can’t believe that prom is in six weeks,” says Tana, sighing.

           Ephraim is taking her to prom, mainly because their school says that you have to bring a date, she’s his closest female friend, and it will annoy Innes.

           Tana is showing him pictures of the dresses that she’s considering, and he’s pretending to pay attention.

           It isn’t working.

           “I wish you’d stop texting Lyon long enough to hear me say that your father’s on fire.”

           “Wuh?” Ephraim nearly throws his phone on the ground.

           Tana giggles. “Got your attention? Good! So I know that I want this color, it’s called shocking pink, so I’d like if your bowtie matched. And I’ll have flowers in that color, and your cummerbund will be pink, too.” She stares at him for a moment. “You’re not one of those guys who hates pink because they’re afraid it’ll make them feminine if they wear it, so you’re all set.”

           Ephraim bends down to pick up his phone. “If it’s that easy, why all the fuss? I’d just wear what you picked out.”

           “Honestly?” She blushes. “Until freshman year, I had a huge crush on you.”

           He gapes at her. “Really? Like when we were kids?”

           She nods slowly. “Yup. And then I realized that you wouldn’t feel the same way, so I gave up on you. I’ve always wanted to go to a dance with you, though, so think of it as a celebration of my moving on three years ago. And talking about my dress to you is part of that fantasy. That’s why.”

           “Not that I want you to be pining after me like a lost puppy or anything, but what made you so certain I wouldn’t feel the same?”

           She tilts her head. “Well, Eirika told me a theory of hers last week.”

           “What do you mean?”

           “She thinks that you might not like girls. And that you like guys.”

           Ephraim blinks.

           “And honestly, I think it makes sense.”

           “Uh, why? I mean, I’m not offended, but me, gay?”

           “Well, maybe you’re bi and just don’t like girls. Nonbinary people exist, right? And Eirika noticed that she never found smut in your family computer’s history.”

           “Why was she checking the history?!”

           “To clear things.”

           “What, is she looking at smut?”

           “Her, definitely not. But she also said that you never seemed to find any female celebrities cute, but that you’re close with Lyon.”

           “So she thinks I’m dating Lyon?” Ephraim huffs. “Who knew she was so invested in my lack of a personal life?”

           Tana holds up her hands. “I’m just telling you what she said.” She bites her lip. “You’re sure you’re not mad?”

           Ephraim shakes his head. “I just wish she wasn’t gossiping about me, that’s all.”

++++++

           He confronts Eirika about it that evening when he’s making a zebra layer cake.

           “I’m sorry for talking to Tana about you, Ephraim.”

           He puts down the baking soda. “I just want to know why you’re making assumptions about me?”

           She scratches her chin. “I wanted to help you figure out your sexuality, because I’m starting to figure out mine. It’s been confusing, so I wanted to spare you some of that. And spare Tana from misunderstanding why you wanted to take her to prom. But that doesn’t make what I did right.”

           He sighs. “I’ll forgive you.” He rests his elbows on the counter. “So, you said that you’re figuring out your sexuality? Come on, you can’t just mention that and expect me to ignore it.”

           She blushes. “Well…I think I might be pan. And somewhere on the asexual spectrum,” she explains. “I want to date someone, but I never really thought about what gender they’d be. And I can’t really imagine myself having sex, so…”

           “Is that so? And yet you don’t want to be a baker. Way to bust asexual stereotypes, sis.” He gives her a hug.

           “Ephraim, you got baking soda all over me!”

           He grins. “I know.”

           Eirika rolls her eyes. “You’re impossible.” She pauses. “But about being a baker…Can I show you something?”

           “Sure thing.”

           They go into her room, and Eirika pulls out her yellow notebook. She hands it to him.

           “It’s a journal?”

           “Look closer,” she says.

           He reads some of the entries. June 2, 2013: Local honey has been pretty popular lately, so Kyle went and bought honey from a farmer’s market a few miles away. The guys are using it to make popsicle-like treats…

           Ephraim looks up at her. “You’ve been writing down what we’re making at the bakery?”

           “I know it sounds creepy to be watching the guys work, but at first it was because I wanted to see what’s the most popular of our special products. But then I started to notice little things, like how delicate Forde’s pipette work is, or the way Kyle transforms when he sells something, or how Seth makes some of the best damn cookies I’ve ever eaten. And… I think I want to be involved with everything at the bakery, not just the business side of things.”

           “Wow, Eirika.” Ephraim runs his hand through his hair. “I’m glad you’ve come back to us.”

           “I never left, silly.”

           “You know what I mean.”

           She smiles. “I’m still hoping to get a business degree from community college, though.”

           “Then they’ll be lucky to have you.” He hands back the notebook. “And I won’t mention your notes to the guys.”

           “Thanks, Ephraim.” They hug, baking soda and all.

++++++

           Ephraim sees a food truck for the first time when he picks Eirika up from one of her classes.

           Four food trucks are parked in a row, each with a handful of people clustered outside of them. Regulars chat with the owners, people greet friends on their way to class, and clumsy students pick up dropped change.

           “Hey!”

           Ephraim turns to see Eirika walking towards him. “Hey.”

           “Hope I didn’t leave you waiting too long.” Eirika stands next to him and adjusts her backpack.

           “Nah, I was just checking these out.”

           “The food trucks? They’re pretty cool, I suppose. Some are better than others, of course. And there are some specialty ones that serve macaroni and cheese or sandwiches.”

           “Huh.”

           “What is it?” Eirika tilts her head to look at him quizzically.

           “I’ll tell you later. Don’t want you to steal my idea.”

           “Is this about my notebook? I don’t ‘steal’ ideas!”

           Ephraim laughs, and together they walk to the bus stop.

++++++

           At this dinner, it’s Eirika who drops her pizza to her plate.

           “You think a bakery food truck would be a good idea, Ephraim?” His father looks at him with scrutiny.

           “Not a food truck, exactly. More like a mobile version of our bakery.”

           “We have a van for deliveries, Ephraim.”

           “But this would be different. We’d serve specialties from the bakery and travel around the county.”

           “I just don’t think it’s feasible.”

           “Well, there’s nothing preventing me from saving money to buy a food truck and any permits we need, right?”

           Fado stares at him for a moment. “I suppose not.”

           Eirika says nothing but frowns.

           After dinner, he texts Lyon to tell him about his idea.

           I think it sounds swell, Ephraim.

           Ephraim laughs. “Swell?”

           Don’t tease me. But really. I’d love to visit your food truck. What do you think you’ll call it?

           I don’t know. Something cool. Like “Reginleif.”

           Are you referencing a Valkyrie or speaking German?

           Neither. Just think it sounds cool.

           You never fail to amaze, Ephraim.

           Ephraim stares at his phone. I suppose I should take that as a complement?

           Lyon remembers. I suppose so.

++++++

           It takes four years, but Ephraim saves up the money to buy his truck and move out of the house.

           Father said that he understood that Ephraim wanted independence. Eirika doesn’t.

A few weeks after he’s moved into Kyle’s apartment, she calls Ephraim over FaceTime.

           “How’s it going, sis?”

           “Oh, great,” she chirps. “Dad, Seth, Franz, and I have settled into a nice routine. Seth and I handle the morning rush, I help Dad with the business side of things around midday, Franz comes in after school and helps us bake, we’re done by five. I go to the gym or out for a run after dinner, and then I relax for the rest of the night.”

           “Okay,” he says, frowning. “But really.”

           Her expression matches his. “How could you tell that I was lying?”

           “We shared a womb.” He sips from his beer.

           Eirika laughs, but it sounds like a sigh. “We’re managing. Having only two full-time employees has put a lot of stress on Dad. He’s had a cold for a few days, so that’s not helping.”

           Ephraim raises an eyebrow. “Dad never gets sick.”

           “It’s a weird one. He seems really tired. He’s having trouble sleeping at night, too, and he’s out of breath after one flight of stairs.”

           “Well, I’m not a doctor, but that sounds weird all right. Have you talked to him about going in to one of those urgent care centers?”

           “Ephraim, our family’s picture is next to the word ‘stubborn’ in the dictionary. Seth and I spent the entire day trying to bribe him with that chocolate cake we make with the slow cooker. I bet if you asked him, though, he’d reconsider.”

           “Wow, Eirika, you’d make a great spy with how subtle you are. Dad and I are barely texting as it is.”

           Eirika is silent for a moment. “I really miss you. Not in a codependent way, but with you around, life just-”

           “Makes more sense. Yeah, I miss you too. And I’m not sure how much longer Kyle can put up with me sharing an apartment with him.”

           Eirika nods empathetically. “Exactly! And think about poor Franz. He and Forde are still living with their aunt, and I’m sure he was looking forward to working with his older brother, but now he’s working with you at the food truck. I get that you need to sow your wild oats or whatever, but the timing’s all wrong. ”

           “The timing will never be right, Eirika. I need to try this now, while Dad’s still working.”

           “But you’ve always loved the bakery.”

           “I’ve always loved baking. That’s something very different. And I still get to do that!”

           She sighs. “Can you at least come to visit soon? Just because you’ve moved out doesn’t mean that you’re not welcome home.”

           “I’ll have to check with my boss.”

           Eirika rolls her eyes.

++++++

           Hey.

           Leave it to Lyon to use proper grammar when he texts.

           Ephraim picks up his phone from the arm of the couch and fires off a reply. Hey! I haven’t heard from you for weeks, man. Are you all right?

           I’ve been busy. Then another message. I was thinking about you.

           Ephraim’s heart skips a beat. I’ve been thinking about you, too. He pauses to think for a moment. We should get together soon, just the two of us.

           No response.

           He keeps texting. We can get something to eat or see a movie. We can do both, maybe?

           Still no answer.

           Ephraim curses. That sounded like I’m asking you out, but I’m not. Unless you want me to ask you out or something.

           Nothing.

“Seriously?!” He groans and puts his phone back down. He closes his eyes. Maybe when he wakes up he’ll feel like less of a tool.

His phones starts buzzing, of course.

It’s Eirika.

He instinctually answers. “Eirika?”

Her voice is stiff. “It’s Dad. We’re at the hospital.”

“Oh my God. What the hell happened?”

“He coughed up rust-colored mucus, so Seth and I begged him to go to the doctor. We took him to the urgent care center that I took Seth to three days ago.”

“Why did Seth need to go the urgent care?”

“Well, he had to get transferred to the hospital, too. He broke his arm and collarbone.”

Ephraim wants to ask the story behind that, but he has more pressing concerns. “So what did the doctor say?”

“They sent him to the hospital to get a chest x-ray. They’re thinking pneumonia.”

Ephraim lets out a breath that he didn’t realize he’d been holding.

Eirika’s voice is shaky now. “We need you, Ephraim. Come home.”

“I’ll meet you at the hospital. Let me tell Kyle, and I’ll be right there.”

“Love you, bro.”

“Love you, sis.”

He rushes around the apartment in a daze. “Where the hell are my keys?”

He leaves a voicemail on Kyle’s cell. “My dad’s in the hospital. They think it’s pneumonia. Talk later.”

He hears something jingle. “Of course they’re in my pocket. Of course.” He runs out the door and is locking it when his phone vibrates. “Oh, what now?!”

Lyon.

Hope to see you soon, Ephraim.

[for-grado]

emperor vigarde & the grado bloodline

the only thing the game gives us regarding Lyon’s father is that he’s the “stahlwart” emperor of Grado, and the rest is up in the air so we can only decide from how the Renaisian family respond to the war, and how desperate Lyon is to revive him.  this post will be about him and a little bit about how Lyon feels about him

so, i know for a fact that the japanese script goes out of the way to call him peaceful, or at least implies him to be similar to Lyon in his kindness and gentleness.  which is fun because... he looks kind of scary doesn’t he?  that’s because he’s a corpse

anyway

for the purposes of this blog, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  Vigarde is a kind and just man, who puts his people and countrymen above himself, as evidenced with Selena’s backstory.  He was a very hands-on king until Lyon’s birth, not only because the event took his wife’s life, but also because Lyon proves himself to be a frail, sickly child.  Vigarde couldn’t leave his son for vast stretches of time, and much time is spent worrying for Lyon’s health out of love and pragmatism -- Lyon will be Vigarde’s only heir because he’s both too kind and too grieving to replace Lyon’s mother.

in the end, Vigarde ends up being somewhat of a distant father, as emperors tend to be, but this never negatively effects Lyon’s opinion of him.  In fact, it’s the opposite -- Vigarde’s time is mostly spent in running the country and making sure everything is not only working properly, but that their people are well taken care for, and Lyon admires that kind of dedication ( this is Lyon we’re talking about, anything is more important to him than himself ).

That said, no matter how busy Vigarde becomes, Lyon is welcome at his side to learn or watch ( an event that happens often; outside of regular curiosity, Lyon is determined to follow in his father’s footsteps as closely as possible ) and whenever Lyon falls ill or bedridden, Vigarde visits his bedside as his schedule permits.

Even as a teenager, if Lyon caught a bad fever, Vigarde would read to him, though of course the books turned from fairytales to tax reforms.

Lyon’s ailing health often meant he wasn’t allowed to leave the capital, many times even the castle itself, and it was Vigarde’s idea that he find friends in Ephraim and Eirika.  He’s friends with King Fado, and arranges their first meeting because he feels bad his son has such a poor life stuffed inside all day.

Lyon gets his frailty from his mother, whom he also more closely resembles.  His father, on the other hand, is sturdy enough to become a general class-wise.

Conventionally, the heirs to each country founded by the heroes of yore are typically trained, taught, or encouraged to pick up the same fighting styles of their founders.  ( IE: Renais-founder used a sword and lance, so do Ephraim & Eirika; Tana & Innes have access to lances & bows; L’Arachel has access to staff and light magic )  In that, Vigarde is a general who can use axes.  

Of course, Grado used Garm and Gleipnir, and while it’s common for Grado’s ruler to use axes, dark magic is considered taboo due to its association with the Demon King and his realm.  Grado may not have been the last in their line to use dark magic, but by Lyon’s time it’s nigh unheard of.   Ironic then, that it’ll never pass through his hands.

That DOES however explain his proficiency for it -- it’s in his blood as far as affinity goes.  He takes to dark magic like a fish to water.  When he starts dabbling in dark magic, he’s actually proud of it, partly because he feels like it’s a part of his birthright too many of his ancestors were too afraid to embrace.

I’m making a little tidbit from this fic i wrote canon for this blog -- that relatively recently there was a resurgence in religiosity from the crown.  In case you didn’t/don’t want to read it: Lyon’s great-great-grandmother sparked a new seriousness in the church, which involved destroying any trace of dark magic that was left in the Grado lineage.  Obviously, Garm and Gleipnir survived, because she could never excuse destroying the sacred twins, but she successfully expunged an indeterminate number of books on dark magic ( the ones remaining have been censored to hide conspicuously in the library, usually with their bindings slashed, titles removed ) and in some cases history books in Grado will no longer mention their founding hero even used dark magic.  It’s all but forgotten that dark magic was actually required to seal the Demon King away the first time.

Magic altogether is kind of foreign to Grado by the time the game takes place and even decades before it.  Vigarde himself is a stranger to it, and it usually makes him uncomfortable.  Selena replaces Valter as one of the Imperial Three, and this is mostly because Vigarde is trying to adapt to it and learn more about, become comfortable with it, especially because with a son so frail as Lyon, it’s unlikely he’d be able to wield any weapon but a tome.

Something I’m unsure of is whether or not it’s common knowledge one of the sacred gradoan twins is a dark magic tome, but until i replay a bit and decide, since it’s sealed away with the sacred stone (something that can’t be accessed without a strong affinity for dark magic) i’m going to assume if it’s known to be a tome, knowledge was erased of it being dark magic in particular.  It’s not unreasonable for Vigarde to assume Lyon would be a mage, if the options are axe or mage and this poor kid’s bedridden for the first few years of his life, and so his openness to magic is mostly just him being a good dad.

In the end, I believe Vigarde died from encephalitis brought on by shingles.  or at least, i think it’s the juiciest way for him to go -- stress weakens his immune system, the shingle virus pops out, and poor Lyon, so concerned for his father, ends up being banned from visiting him once he sits at his bedside too long and develops chicken pox from it.

[crystalelemental]

So I finished Ephraim’s route in Sacred Stones for the first time since the game came out.

When I was young, I remember saying the same thing: I don’t like Ephraim’s route.  It just didn’t seem as strong as Eirika’s.  And I could never articulate why, to a degree where most of my friends would insist it was because I just played Eirika’s first so the complete deviation felt weird, even though Ephraim’s route was just as solid.  But I’m an adult now, and I like to think better at articulating opinions, so maybe now I’ll finally be able to express why I don’t like Ephraim’s route.

Part of it is Ephraim himself.  I don’t like Ephraim, I find him incredibly dull, and think he embodies every insult people want to throw at Micaiah.  Unbeatable in battle, unnaturally good at everything contrary to what’s told to us, the plot literally revolves entirely around him.  Ephraim’s just bland to me.  I think the best way to express this is to use a quote from someone who really likes him, courtesy of the only Fire Emblem fandom personality that I legitimately cannot stand.

Their take on Ephraim’s route is that: "Ephraim says he doesn’t pick fights he can’t win, but then he does pick a fight with Lyon.  Then the journey after that is his character arc, of accepting how to become a king.  He goes back to his kingdom a loser, and learns to accept that loss to become a better person.”

Problem: not a single word of that is true.  For one thing, Ephraim never lost a fight, because that would be a flaw.  Ephraim won every fight he was in ever, because “I don’t pick fights I can’t win.”  Ephraim, you are three guys, exiting a castle, surrounded by a moat, further surrounded by mountains.  Your only backup are cavalry units, and your enemies are mostly flying units, including a general so powerful that he injured Seth, your country’s best knight.  But oh no, he gets to escape.  No explanation, because you cannot possibly write a believable explanation for how that happened.  He just gets away because Ephraim’s just so cool.  So yeah, there’s no “learning to accept the loss,” because there is no loss.  To anyone, at any time.  I have no idea what they’re even talking about with “his loss to Lyon.”  My best guess is they just hadn’t played in a while and forgot.

If anything, Ephraim’s crucial flaw should be presented as being a fucking slacker.  They poke fun at it when they’re being taught as kids, but when war broke out, Ephraim left Renais to rush into battle, got his ass stranded, and wasn’t present to help Renais at all.  This is slightly acknowledged when they finally return to Renais, but only in the sense of “he’s back now and he’s better so it’ll never happen again!”  But (1) it’s mentioned exactly once, and (2) it’s not brought up nearly as often as Lyon being weak-willed, or Eirika “relying” on Ephraim protecting her, as flaws go.  Which is its own issue, considering we never actually see Eirika relying on Ephraim at all.  She didn’t actually need his help either time he showed up.  Nice to have, but far from saving an unwinnable situation.  We’re just told she always needs his help, because if she didn’t then Ephraim can’t be the cool twin who’s so good at war.

And that’s all that Ephraim is, and all he ever becomes.  There’s no “learning to become a king.”  He accepts that he’ll take the crown, but there’s really no reason to it aside from his penis.  He’s the prince, so he gets to be king.  Nevermind that Eirika’s route was more about establishing diplomatic ties, and that she’s by far the better leader.  Ephraim gets to lead because reasons.  All Ephraim does is charge into battles.  We get exactly two establishing scenes of Ephraim’s leadership qualities, both of which are around war and not actual leadership in a governing sense.  And get this!  They’re both with Seth, who, again, is their kingdom’s best knight. And guess how both scenes go.  You’ll never guess.  Ephraim’s either just as keen as Seth, or is presented as the one in the right.  Seth comes along as Ephraim’s advisor, but literally never has to advise, because Ephraim’s just so capable and good at this.  And remember, this is the hero who never read a fucking book.  Who copied all of Lyon’s homework, and couldn’t be asked to learn shit in his life.  I’m fine with him being a strong soldier.  Hell, I’m fine with him even having a keen sense for combat due to practical experience.  But being able to keep up with or exceed Seth, who should be one of the best minds for fighting we have, is kind of annoying.  At the very least, allow Seth to have some role as an advisor, rather than just...nothing.

At no point does Ephraim really learn or develop in any compelling way.  He starts out great and ends great.  Any flaws the narrative presents are solely as a backdrop, they’re never reflected in the story.  Him being bad at studying and books never bites him in any way.  Hell, it never even comes up, save for flashbacks and a singular comment the Demon King makes about Ephraim being “poorly educated,” which was more a taunt about him not immediately guessing Demon King.  Ephraim suffers from exactly no faults ever.

This leads into the other big issue.  Lyon.  I do not like Ephraim-route Lyon.  At all.  There’s a lot that goes into this, but the short version is I actually think Eirika-route Lyon is more engaging, complex, and shows greater force of will.

Eirika-route Lyon presents as fully consumed by the Demon King.  His soul is actively being devoured, and the beast within is winning.  However, at certain points, Lyon takes back control.  Briefly, but he’s trying.  He fights back as much as he can, but it’s impossible to resist the Demon King’s control.  His motivations are the same in both routes, and largely comes down to a desire to save his country and his people.  He’s used the arcane arts to manipulate the energy radiating from the Sacred Stone that has the Demon King trapped within.  He uses it to heal people, and see into the future to attempt preventing disaster.  In Eirika’s route, the Demon King expresses more of the unresolved feelings for Eirika, and his inadequacy because Ephraim’s just so good.  So like...they had a compelling tragedy going.  I could absolutely believe a 17-year-old has inadequacy issues around the girl he likes, and that this would be an easy mark for an ancient eldritch evil.  But the fact that it has to double back to Ephraim pisses me off.  But we’re talking about Ephraim-route Lyon, so that’s enough paraphrasing her route.

Ephraim-route Lyon seems to present just as himself.  On the surface, this seems like Lyon is showing greater willpower and resolve, right?  He’s in control!  He’s going to use the Demon King’s power to save Grado from impending disaster!  That’s way more impressive, right?

Well, not really.  Considering that Lyon acts in control, but is ultimately just going about this like a nitwit.  Complaint #1: Lyon doesn’t act as in-character in this route.  Ephraim even acknowledges it.  Lyon’s peaceful, he’d never instigate a war over this.  Like, this is an Edelgard move, not a Lyon move.  But here we are, being told that Lyon, of his own will, started this war.  Why?

Complaint #2: Because Vigarde sucks, for a start.  In the last flashback, Lyon is talking to his dad, and expresses uncertainty about his ability to rule.  Again, great in for the Demon King.  But Lyon’s actually on this one.  A major disaster was foreseen, and they need outside aid for their people to survive.  Vigarde says Renais would never aid them, because they need to put their people first.  There’s a bit of interesting consideration here, in that Renais, a smaller nation, probably can’t take in all the refugees that Grado would have.  But like...Renais is friendly with Frelia, who could be persuaded to help.  Rausten is all about charity like this, as the religious epicenter of the continent.  What the fuck are you on about, Vigarde?  Pinning literally all of this on Lyon to find a solution isn’t just cruel, it’s stupid and wrong.  Get it together, asshole.  How did you manage to not lead Grado into the ground?  Was it hard to teach yourself to breathe through your ass, or is that natural talent?

Complaint #3: Lyon’s motivations are all over the place.  This starts because he revives Vigarde, and this breaks the Sacred Stone, creating the Dark Stone that houses the Demon King.  Okay cool, this is when the possession starts.  But remember, they’re presenting this like Lyon’s in control.  After this point, Lyon still takes leadership.  He still makes the commands, through his father.  And he instigates a war.  Why?  Well, they never really say.  One answer is envy of Ephraim, and a desire to beat him.  The other is self-sacrifice.  He talks with Knoll about some documents that allegedly allow him to circumvent the foreseen history, and it involves human sacrifice and great magical power.  He plans to use the Demon King’s power and his own sacrifice to accomplish this.  But that...doesn’t explain the war.  You could just kill yourself on your own time, dude.  Like, hidden motivations include saving your people, but all of this was the worst possible method.  If you anticipated latching on to other nations after your death ends the royal bloodline, then your people are now reviled for being instigators in a completely meaningless war.  They’re less likely to get help than ever.  If it was to conquer territory for them to move to before the catastrophe, then why self-sacrifice at all?  The war now has a point, but nothing else does, because you’d have accomplished your goal through the war.

So basically, if Lyon’s in control, there are two possible motives for the war: showing off to beat Ephraim, or a pre-cursor to your self-sacrifice for some reason.  Either way, it’s super shitty.  Like really, what’s your motivation for enacting continental warfare?  Complete disillusionment regarding mankind’s right to rule, and seeking to end strife through complete subjugation by another species that (allegedly) doesn’t feel the emotions that lead men to folly?  The belief that war is inevitable and that living beings cannot help but kill one another for the most banal of reasons, and thus the most just course is to re-awaken their creator to put them all to an eternal rest?  Recognition that the structure of society is so bad that people are constantly suffering and dying, and decided to stand up and tear the structures out by the roots through bloody conquest if necessary, in hopes of a better tomorrow?  Or because your childhood friend’s dick was too huge and made you feel inadequate/you had to kill yourself and I guess this was the best you could come up with?

The more likely reason given how fucking incomprehensible his motivations are otherwise, is that the Demon King was always in full control.  That Lyon was never actually in command of things, but thought he was, even as the Demon King ate away at him from within.  This makes more sense, because it’s just...Demon King killing things for funsies.  But it also means Lyon has 0 actual agency, and it’s even more just the demon king.  In Eirika’s route, Lyon actually fights back and wrestles control, if just for brief moments at a time.  But in Ephraim’s, the only implication that makes sense is that Lyon never had anything.  He was never in control, and never even put up a fight.  He was just easily duped into believing that these were his conscious decisions.  Which makes Lyon a lot less compelling overall.

I just...I don’t like Sacred Stones.  I figure that’s clear, but it’s good to be open about it.  I feel like the game just tries so hard to make Ephraim the coolest thing ever, and every male character (except Seth) who interacts with Eirika is just obsessed with this notion of needing to be better than him before she’ll love them back.  It’s why I can’t stand Innes.  All their supports are is him being bullheaded and insisting that no, he has to protect her, because that’s how this is supposed to go, and he will be better than Ephraim so she’ll accept him.  Fuck you, Innes.  Though man, Lyon’s not much better.  I can at least sympathize with Lyon’s feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty about Eirika reciprocating, but the fact that it all boils back down to Ephraim again...god, neither of them even consider Eirika in this.  It’s all about Ephraim and your own dick-focused insecurities.  At no point do either of you consider Eirika’s feelings in the matter, everything’s about you you you, and needing to be better than Ephraim who’s just too cool I guess.  May as well rename this Toxic Masculinity: The Game at this rate.

tldr, Ephraim’s route sucks.  Eirika’s route is at least a decent tragedy, but sidelines its main character too hard to really feel like her route.  Lyon would be better off without Ephraim’s route.  The end.

[markoftheasphodel]

When Xmas Cavs Grow Up

Just to get all my thoughts in one place, especially as a) I haven’t talked about Seth & Orson in a long time and b) FE15 happened.

One of the (cough) archetypical hallmarks of Fire Emblem casts is the “Cain and Abel,” meaning not murderous siblings but a pair of matched knights who are friends or friendly rivals. One wears red and one wears green, one is loud and the other is quiet, one is serious and the other is fun-loving, often one whacks things with a sword while the other spears things with a lance. It’s a consistent enough trope to get its own page (70) in the 20th anniversary artbook.

But what happens when these bright young things grow up? Well, a couple of FE games have given us a glimpse of it.

Spoilers for Archanea, Jugdral, Magvel, and Valentia follow.

Archanea: Cain and Abel

“I work with a knight called Abel. I tend to get carried away, but he balances me out with his calmness.”

“When there are two precious things in your life… you must choose between them.

So, during the War of Heroes (FE3 Book II/FE12), Cain and Abel aren’t "the Cain & Abel” anymore. A new pair of trainee knights, “rowdy” Luke and “steady” Roderick, fill those roles with Roderick’s love interest Cecil rounding them out as a trio of cavaliers. So what’s become of the OG Christmas Cavs?

Yeah, OK, I think everyone here knows this story. If you don’t, FE Heroes gives you the Cliff’s Notes versions. Cain stayed at Marth’s side, trained a new crop of knights, and per FE3 Book II was trusted enough to help govern Altea when Marth went on missions elsewhere, and became Marth’s advisor after Jagen’s iron bones finally rusted out. Cain’s loud, he likes training, he’s nicknamed The Bull, he’s basically got no life outside of serving Marth.

Meanwhile Abel, the suave Panther to Cain’s Bull, retired, got married, opened a shop, and got dragged back into the war when his wife Est got held hostage by the bad guys, betrayed Marth, got forgiven for it, and then disappears forever after the war, chasing after an equally forever-disappeared Est. We know he and Cain are BFFs because Fire Emblem lore consistently tells us they’re friends, not because they actually have any scenes together or anything. They’ve been imitated, echoed, expied, et cetera.

Cain joins the party in FE12 as an unpromoted Level 9 cavalier, Abel joins many chapters later as a Level 1 paladin. (Don’t ask me how he got that promotion.)

Highlight: You get a better sense of Cain&Abel’s eternal legend from their expies Sully and Stahl in FE13 than you do from the originals.

Jugdral: Glade and Finn

“Glade, this is just the beginning. We still have a long way ahead of us.”

“Yes, we must return to Lenster and restore the flag of the Gae Bolg… That’s when we can finally have a drink together again.”

Archetypes weren’t really a thing during the SNES era but there were definitely call-backs even in the first five installments and FE5 had more than a few callbacks to FE3 specifically (hi, Asvel! Hi, Shannam!). Enter our next pair of veteran BFFs. If you only know Glade as the punchline to the Choose Your Heroes poll them I recommend reading this on Reddit as a primer.

Glade fits into what’s generally seen as the “Cain” archetype– maybe not as naturally talented as his BFF but known for his hard work and enthusiasm. He’s outspoken enough to criticize allies– even (allegedly) royal allies– who are letting down the cause and he’s openly affectionate with his wife Selphina. Life in the resistance has been hard and he’s accumulated a lot of regrets but he’s still in there trying. Finn is the more introverted of the pair, less willing to go on the record about his opinions, less able to demonstrate affection– which impacted his relationship with his own MIA apparent-love-interest Lachesis and is contributing to a strained relationship with his daughter Nanna. His sole passion, if it counts as one, appears to be geopolitical. “Another Abel with the same shitty taste in women,” one member of the FE Subreddit called him in a thread where passions were running high, and while that phrasing isn’t really fair to anyone involved, the underlying connection is legit IMO, though maybe not in the way that poster thought.

Glade and Finn aren’t polar opposites so much as they are variations on a theme (they even use the same weapon), in large part because Glade appears to be Finn’s deliberate foil, spun off to do the exact things FE4!Finn was doing that didn’t gel with where his FE5!characterization was taking him. They’re both loyal, patriotic, and so forth, and they’ve both suffered hardship for the cause of Prince Leif and Leonster, but whatever stroke of fate let Finn catch Prince Quan’s favor when they were kids while Glade stayed behind in Leonster has put a gap between them that friendship can’t bridge 100%. Glade’s doing his job and accumulating worldly success, Finn’s on a crusade that entails high personal sacrifice. Glade’s got his regrets, Finn’s outright broken inside. Glade’s a leader; Finn’s a hero. Glade makes history; Finn becomes a legend.

Unlike Cain & Abel they have actual in-game dialogue, plus the Leonster’s Fall short story in the Thracia artbook to give a sense of who they were as young knights before everything went to utter shit. There’s a lot of emotional build-up to their mid-battle reunion, which itself isn’t that emotional a scene but does include the “we’ll have a drink later” line that seemingly evokes the dialogue between Sigurd and Eldigan early in FE4. Given how that friendship played out, this would seem ominous… but, as it happens, fate has pretty much done its worst to these two already. There’s no betrayal, no falling out. After the war Glade enjoys his hot wife and promotion and makes New Thracia into an efficient and modern war machine. Finn disappears into the desert for three years because Reasons but he does come back. Remake plz?

Finn’s in Leif’s starting party as a Level 7 unpromoted unit, Glade joins in Ch13 as a Level 2 promoted unit.

Highlight: In spite of all the ways in which Jugdral is hell this is the only world in which our Veteran Cav BFFs might have the chance to continue their friendship later in life.

Magvel: Seth and Orson

“If Orson can turn his back on Renais… We remaining knights will have to work all the harder to prove ourselves!”

“You’re an impressive knight, Seth. You would sacrifice your life for king and country. Not even a moment’s pause. It’s a pitiful, unrewarding life, through and through.”

One of my contentions about FE8 has always been that, despite the mechanical similarities to FE2 (dual lords, monsters, etc) that the plot was a reworking of the War of Heroes, with more emphasis on character development and far less on the overall heroic myth. Given the shit that dedicated knights go through for their Lords, it was only a matter of time before we got to see what happened when somebody actually snapped. Abel betrayed Marth and all but he didn’t mean to, and Marth forgave him, and he’s just kind of an incoherent mess (see: FE Heroes) thereafter of his loyalty and his love for Est and his regrets for his treason. Finn breaks inside but keeps going on his impossible path despite a wasteland of collateral damage (including Glade at one point) around him and stakes that rise from “stay alive” to “reclaim Leonster” to “unify all Thracia” to “liberate entire continent from Dark Lord” because well, that’s what he does. Either way, they lose the girl (to say the least). Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. 

Enter Orson, who looks at this particular bad deal being offered and says “to hell with that.”

So Orson and Seth are knights of Renais. Orson seems to be the older of the two. He’s got a quiet and serene personality (so, he’s the Abel) and he’s got a wife named Monica. Seth is the commander of the Knights of Renais, is renowned as The Silver Knight, has the other young knights looking up to him. He’s not boisterous like some of the Cain-types but he’s got the red hair, the training-freak personality (see: FE Heroes), and so on. Seth in typical Cain fashion doesn’t have a ladyfriend… yet. Hold that thought.

Long story short, Orson doesn’t betray Renais because Monica’s being held as a hostage. He betrays Renais because Monica’s already dead and in the grave six months and Grado’s dark powers offer her back in some horrible fashion. He sells out his country to enjoy alone time with the ghastly puppet of his wife, and when Seth finally confronts him mid-game Orson’s just sane enough to offer a concise and brutal takedown of the whole knighthood thing. And this hits Seth hard, because Seth’s been keeping his own secrets– specifically, his improper feelings for his liege lady princess Eirika– and FE8′s story is an entire gallery of bad examples of what twisted love can do to a person. Orson, Carlyle, Lyon himself– this roll call of the mad and the damned is what’s held up to Seth as his fate should he give into his heart: “there but for the grace of god(s) go I.”

But Magvel is surprisingly kind to Seth, offering him a happy ending with Eirika in spite of his own protests or a union with the lovely priestess Natasha. Orson gets a dirt nap in the company of what’s left of Monica.

Seth joins at the start as a Level 1 Paladin, Orson joins in Ephraim’s first chapter as a Level 3 Paladin before turning his colors.

Highlight: This is the only case in which the Veteran Cavs are not in some sense a retcon onto the source material.

Valentia: Clive and Fernand

“Enough, Fernand. You’ve suffered enough. You needn’t flog yourself any further.”

“Good… I am…rather tired. Tired of despair… Tired of rage… But Clive…I’m glad I got to see you one last time.”

FE2 didn’t have anything mapping to the "Cain & Abel” Xmas Cav archetype because it wasn’t an archetype yet and definitely didn’t have any take on the adult version thereof. FE15, besides retconning Forsyth into the ambitious Green Knight to the stolid Red Knight played by Lukas, plum invented an entire “veteran cav BFFs” tragic subplot for us to enjoy. Nice.

So on the one hand we have Clive. Clive’s the leader of the rebel group known as the Deliverance, has impeccable breeding and a glowing reputation, a sizable chunk of the playable cast has the hots for him, etc. He’s got a canon love interest, the glamorous paladin Mathilda, so you might expect based on the above that the plot-gods are about to take a wrecking ball to Clive’s life.

Except Clive also has a BFF and his BFF has problems. Orson at least has the pretense of being on the lords’ side before Seth unmasks him as a traitor. Fernand’s a prick from the moment he shows up on screen and promptly flounces from the Deliverance all in a froth over being led by a “farmboy” like Alm and lends his services (such as they are) to Rigel’s Lord Berkut. There’s also a hint that Fernand is actually into Mathilda himself (oh noes), but the entire Deliverance scene is rife with homoerotic subtext[*] and Fernand’s got a pretty bad case of it. Since Clive still cares a lot about his BFF we then have to make the attempt to redeem Fernand, which of course fails, so this particular version of the veteran cav subplot ends with a big dramatic death scene with a CG and lots of ellipses and everything. 

Their whole subplot is wrapped up in an interesting if maybe not entirely successful take on what knights exactly are for– what kind of ruler is a legitimate ruler? How is that ruler best served? Unlike all of the previous examples, Clive and Fernand started their careers as knights sworn to a shitty, useless, negligent king, one whose bloodline was apparently extinct by the start of the game. There’s never any question that Cain serves Marth, that Glade and Finn serve Leif, that Seth serves the twins of Renais. If Abel and Orson waver it’s not because Marth or the twins are not the right lords to serve, but because Abel and Orson have personal weaknesses. But Clive and Fernand both have to make an actual conscious choice as to whom they are going to serve, and Clive makes the right choice (with a lot of second-guessing along the way) and Fernand doesn’t, the end.

Clive joins as a Level 6 cavalier; Fernand is not playable in the main game.

Highlight: These guys get their own prequel in the Rise of the Deliverance DLC, wherein Fernand is playable .

* Xmas Cavs and their grown-up equivalents generally do have some measure of that goin’ on (Seth and Orson being an exception), but the Deliverance is pretty hard to overlook.

[feheroestips]

Quick overview

Cherche is one of those units who went from 0 to hero after skill inheritance became a thing. With the right skills and assists she is truly a force to be reckoned with. With the second highest attack in the game as of now and being a flying unit mean great things for her, as she can attack from most places and hide away if its unfavourable. However she needs a lot of investment along and has poor speed and resistance meaning she can not take a hit for the life of her. Treat her like how she’d treat Minerva and you’ll get along fine.

Base kit

Cherche comes with hammer a somewhat poor weapon choice as indicated by her artwork not featuring a hammer... Anyway it is effective against armour units so it has its niche. Pivot is an amazing skill for travelling maps however reposition is a better option due to the defensive options it provides. Atk + 3 is somewhat simple but helps her already High attack and finally fortify def is an okay option to use for standard teams.

Ideally if running her base skills, lance/axe breaker can help fix her middiling speed or drag back is a decent option. As for a special Bonfire is amazing thanks to above average defence.

Suggested set

Snack time Cherche!!

+Atk - spd/res

Brave axe +, Reposition, Bonfire

Death blow 3, Hit and run/drag back, Hone/fortify fliers or any c skill

So this set gets its name from the fact you need at least 6 different units to feed to Cherche. Normally this menu consists of Camilla, Selena, Robin (M), Klien, Eirika/Clair and Hinoka/Caeda. Its highly why I suggest starting with a 3 star version to grind all that sp. But at the end though? She’ll at base be hitting a whopping 55 x 2 on initiation which is 63 x 2 with a hone flier buff. Most things won’t live this if they are blue green or colourless heck even some reds fear this set. Bonfire can be deadly when it procs adding even more damage on top of what she is doing already. Finally Hit and run or drag back allow her to retreat back to the flier group or onto a mountain away from danger. However like mention she still does not want to take a hit especially on the magic spectrum. She’ll get doubled a lot as well meaning she is purely offence based sure she’s got 30 defence+ butstill dosen’t want to take that hit. If fed well she’ll grow up strong. Eat your greens kids.