#but shes been very good with him so far
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I cannot BELIEVE how quickly she fell in love with him. I fully expected her to never warm up to him but here she is! Even tolerated him attempting to nurse from her this morning!
#tassie#hatchet#german shepherd dog#gsd#puppy stories#still only under supervision her prey drive is slightly too high#but shes been very good with him so far#15 pounds at his establishing visit which makes him a quarter of her size already!
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I lost one of my chickens :( she was caught and carried away by a fox... I’ve been growing complacent about my chickens’ safety I think because we’ve only had one other attack before, a goshawk that swooped in abruptly (unsuccessfully), but no fox sightings nearby so I’ve been assuming Pandolf was a great deterrent. Which he is, just not foolproof. I’ve talked to some people in town about this and they were pretty philosophical about foxes stealing chickens, like “it’s the tribute we pay to woodland animals, it’s just a few hens here and there.” I don’t begrudge the fox for being a fox, if anything I have a renewed respect for foxes because everyone I talked to proceeded to give me their best / worst fox stories, and most of them involved foxes outsmarting humans (learning people’s habits / timetables, opening latches, faking a limp...) Still I feel terrible for my hen, she was only three. RIP Cordy :( You’ll be remembered fondly... (except by the cats.) I feel bad for the other hen too, who just lost her pal!
When I said that last thing, one of my neighbours jumped on the opportunity to try and convince me again to accept a rooster from him. He had a rooster baby boom last summer and I’ve been telling him for months that I don’t need a rooster, I don’t want to raise chickens I just want eggs, and his new argument was that a rooster would protect my hen (or if it comes to that, would heroically sacrifice himself rather than let the hen be eaten—I’m sceptical...) I asked around for a young hen but there aren’t any to be had in this season, so my remaining one is going to be alone until the spring, and my neighbour said she’d get stressed and male company is better than no company. (I wish I could ask my hen what she wants! Maybe she’s penning A Coop Of One’s Own as we speak.) I said the rooster was more likely to stress her out and harass her and he said nah they’re free ranging all day, it’ll be fine, and he’s young so your adult hen will boss him around. I was like, but then will he be any good at protecting her? etc. etc. and after a while I caved in.
When I told her about this on the phone my mum sighed “you’re terrible at saying no”—excuse me, I said no so many times and the guy just kept ploughing on until he could foist a rooster upon me. I’m good at saying no, other people are terrible at hearing it! I reassured her that I had only agreed to take the rooster for a short probationary period, and if he bothers my hen too much I’ll drive him back to his native farm. My mum was like “Drive him back? look I’m sorry I raised you as a city kid but there’s no need to waste gas on driving a rooster around, I’ll have no qualms about wringing his neck for dinner if he’s more trouble than he’s worth.” The rooster’s fate is not sealed though, if he is anywhere from vaguely useful to not actively problematic I’ll keep him, so we’ll see...!
#if i return him where he came from he'll end up eaten anyway#prove yourself rooster! escape your fate#to go back to the fox attack; my other chicken went to hide in the barn (which is always open and they were not far from it)#and i thought she'd been eaten too because i couldn't find her anywhere. until i heard her clucking to herself anxiously#i called her and she clucked louder in response but refused to come out of her hiding place#after 10min of playing marco polo with a chicken in the barn i finally found her huddled at the bottom of#the large basket i use to store kindling#and pandolf & i went to look for cordy although i didn't have any hope#and we ended up finding feathers quite far away in the woods#i was very impressed by pandolf's ability to follow the fox's smell ! i've been teaching him 'cherche' but he's not that good at tracking#or not motivated enough when it's just for fun#but since he failed in his duty to protect his flock i guess he was suddenly very determined to be#a good dog in some other way and he was sniffing the ground so seriously#sorry the post was already long and i'm writing another one in the tags!
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Alright. Let's talk about Akai's and Furuya's fighting styles, control, and the ferris wheel fight, featuring some tangents on professionalism.
The second reason is the implied: Akai is (in general, probably not in this situation, because he is going along with the fight Rei wants) a professional, and professionals do not fight. A professional will either ambush or assassinate (you know, like the sniping Akai is so well-known for), and generally do everything in his power to avoid a fight. It's about gaining the advantage, pressing and keeping it, to maintain control over the situation. For comparison, fights are between people of roughly equal footing, and fighting follows rules. As a person who lives in the world of actual violence, Akai does not need the fancy dances of a fighting sport, he needs his rifles, guns, and a self-defense technique for when things go really bad and personal. (Incidentally, a professional will also plan, won't let his emotions get in the way, stay calm, and keep working in bad conditions - we also see these traits in Akai.) I can remember two instances of Akai fighting (there might be more)- the ferris wheel fight, and the one time he knocked out the people after Yumi (and arguably, they didn't really have a chance and it wasn't really a fight). Other than that, he's just coordinating and providing tactical support.
Akai using Jeet Kune Do for fighting is an interesting choice. It's not as well-known as many other fighting styles (hell, it's not even a fighting style, it's a self defense technique and really more of a philosophy or a principle), but it has a couple of key values that characterize him well. First off, it's hugely individualistic. Practitioner's are encouraged to find their own way, to find what works for them, which really is Akai in a nutshell, doing what he wants. Secondly, it is described as a highly efficient way to fight. There are few, if any, rules to Jeet Kune Do, you're expected to use whatever technique will help you the most in the moment. For this reason, it is also highly adaptable, and requires an appropriate mindset to use. This latter point, I think, really mirrors the approach the FBI has in the series - do what you need to in order to get the results we want, at whatever the cost.
The fact that it's a self defense technique is important for two reasons: one is the immediate one for our context - Akai's defending himself from an angry Rei on the ferris wheel.
With all that out of the way, let's get into the ferris wheel fight, and what we learn about them there.
For contrast, let's look at Rei. It's almost funny how little professionalism Rei has compared to Akai, when it comes to the world they're living in. Rei's choice of fighting style is boxing, and he's practicing a rather straightforward, aggresive version, with barely any defense, at great personal risk. That point about professionals not letting their emotions get in their way? Well, either Rei has never heard it, or he's deliberately ignoring it. Either way, it really holds him back from gaining and maintaing control.
(I would be remiss not to point out that boxing is also done for show, fitting for this show-off.)
Boxing might honestly be good for Rei in order get out his anger and to up his pain tolerance, but for the purpose of keeping him alive, it sucks. It's up close, it's personal, and it's dirty (that tagline might as well describe Furuya himself). A threat who's gotten into that range is already a problem. Sure, usually - though not in this instance - he's also got his handgun, with its limited reach, limited firepower. For his purposes, it might suffice - he's not supposed to be a fighter, and the advantage of his gun is in its concealability. I suppose he gets a couple points in professionalism for that choice, and for often bringing back-up, whether he's working for the PSB or the BO. For what it's worth, he's also likely trained in Kendo or something similar, as we see in Wild Police Story, but he doesn't really use it. We see Rei fighting rarely, but it happens; with Matsuda at the beginning of WPS, casually inflicting violence on a kidnapper, and now here on the ferris wheel.
It's so interesting to me how they interact here.
Despite both of them bleeding, it starts to feel like Akai is in control, or at least not dated by the fighting - he gets Rei good with Jeet Kune Do's signature One Inch Punch, but has enough presence of mind to casually grabs him so he doesn't fall to his death (which gets him shoved off with a foot. Give Furuya an inch, and he'll try to take your head). Furuya's meanwhile clearly enjoying himself, might have even entered the zone, a sort of battlejoy/trance, asking for a second round (here we go again, this is a fight, with certain rules, like rounds), and Akai, well, he's beaten up, but it doesn't look like he'd surrender to get Furuya off his back - despite it being an option that would end the fight early. We see both of them smiling at points in this exchange, and I think it speaks to both of them, inherently, being thrillseekers. Putting all they are into the outcome of this fight against a dangerous enemy is a thrilling brush with mortality.
Them fighting at all, on top of the ferris wheel, is stupid, plain and simple. They expect the BO to show up any minute, and they'd better be in peak condition - instead they indulge in this fight. Really, it's Rei launching himself at Akai, who's mostly dodging and defending where necessary (I say indulge, because he is armed, and could probably escalate/end the fight early). Fights happen for a variety of reasons, usually social (because otherwise we'd be talking about violence, not a fight), and this implies Rei sees Akai as roughly equal/wants him to have a fair fighting chance, following the social contract of announcing his presence. He launches the attack, takes the initiative but the distance is so large, and he telegraphs his intentions clearly enough that his advantage is minimal.
Akai has the distinct disadvantage of carrying his rifle case, protecting its contents, because he'll need them later. He is, as the series lets us know, a capable fighter (described stronger as Masumi, who can deal with Ran, an established capable martial artist), and we can see it in this fight. He's reading Rei's movements and blocking most of the hits - for what it's worth, Rei's style seems more focused on quantity of attacks over quality. He does get Akai with some unconventional angles of attack (like swinging up into a kick from falling), and mostly this initial struggle is about them fighting for control.
When we cut back to the fight, they're still at it. I find it interesting that Akai tries to talk Rei down throughout the fight. Because the presence of mind necessary to form coherent sentences in a fight is not nothing, and the fact that he at least tries to go for a different solution is noteworthy, even if it is ultimately useless.
Then Conan calls Akai. This is in a small pause to the fight, because, surprise surprise, fighting takes effort (another reason professionals avoid it). It is really funny to me how Rei respects the rules of a fight, but he also sees an opportunity in his opponent's distraction, and seizes it (at the cost of also throwing himself down into a chasm, the self-sacrificial bastard).
Only at this point does it feel like Akai is taking the fight more seriously. I'd wager this is a) because Rei has displayed the willingness to destroy himself to take Akai with him, b) due to the enclosed space - less space to dodge and c) because at least he is aware time is ticking. They're both injured, and the enemy is coming soon. This fight better be over quick.
They only don't fight each other to the death because of Conan's timely intervention. He calls to Akai for help, and just like that, the conflict is resolved, for now. Akai wordlessly rejects Rei's request for a second round, which Rei just...accepts. Allows Akai that level of control, and the control of the flow of information (namely, they don't tell Conan they've been at it). It baffles me, but then again, I suppose it is a fight, the fight has rules, and, clearly, something more important takes precedence. Then again, this whole damn exchange makes no logical sense. Rei has sworn bloody revenge on Akai, who just saved his life today, and instead of doing something about the BO they're fighting a little. Logic is nowhere to be seen, all of this is emotional. On both sides.
I guess bonus points in professionalism for working together for the rest of the rest of the movie, even if they're sharing intel with/depending on a literal child for the solutions to their problem. It's a very unusual set of circumstances indubitably not covered by their training, granted, so what can you do (I'd still love for the adults in this universe to do their job, sue me).
Last point of note for the movie, in my opinion, is Akai waiting after all the chaos is over for Rei to spot him. Is this a case of checking in and simultaneously showing that he, too, made it out alive? He is clearly noticed by Rei, and only then walks away. And Rei just lets him. Akai is in control, in the end.
#Akai is genuinely the more capable agent and I'm not surprised they've made a movie about him#I could carry on about how Akai-as-Okiya knows how to play his cover and avoid attention. even going as far as to retrieve KID's photos.#whereas Amuro lives a little too much in the limelight and certainly too close to the police who might have some people who knew him#he of course gets waaay more capable when his emotions don't blind him#but that would only be half the fun wouldn't it?#anyways. this post is brought to you by me rewatching the insanity that is m20#there are so many questions for this. chiefly: why was Akai even parked in front of the police HQ during Curacao's break-in#I have accepted the NOC list (insanely dangerous as it is) as a means to avoid the tragedy of Scotch and thus no longer question it#but yeah. how did people know curacao would strike that night?#also that fight is so cool but makes so little sense. very good characterization#we should really have been allowed to keep curacao#I guess she was too powerful#anyways#iris' late night rambles#akai shuichi#furuya rei#iris watches dcmk#long post
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Betty is so relatable I would do the same shit for my wife
#simon petrikov#original#at#the moment where she declares that she's jumping into the future to save him. just pure save-husband impulse#and maybe she made the wrong choice but I felt the emotion in my gut and that's good tragedy baby#I would do the same thing and then be in the future and realize I probably fucked up but also what else could I do but#devote my entire life and sanity to saving her after I have destroyed every other option??#it's not healthy necessarily but a fucking apocalypse happened and her wife is in eternal torment. what else could she possibly do??#I'm just obsessed with the attitude she has towards saving him and how it turns from joyful heroism to unhealthy obsession#I have a much healthier relationship with my wife. but also she's never been driven mad by a magical crowd for a thousand years!#and Betty did it!! y'all can argue about whether Ice King was better than Simon and I think he must make peace with every part of himself#but it is extremely consistent in the original series that being Ice King is basically this existentially horrifying Eternal torture#so the fact that someone who loved him decided they would save him from that at all costs is very sad and very beautiful#beautiful because no one deserves to suffer forever. tragic because she was far to willing to take his place if she had to.#betty grof#fionna and cake#golbetty#golb#*driven mad by a magical crown#you forgot your floaties#edit: upon rewatching every episode with betty in it i will say i don't think i would be so hellbent on murdering the person she had become#betty does act selfishly and it makes her character more compelling#but i like to think if my wife went banana-pants ice-king-level bonkers i would be able to love that version of her too#but who's to say whether this story would be the reason I responded differently?#it's a good story
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Eddie diaz dealing with his mommy issues arc in season 8 is feeling realer to me than ever right now
#Helena diaz is responsible for so much of Eddie’s issues#she is a massive part of the reason Shannon left the first time#the way she spoke at ramons retirement party just reenforced things#she is the matriarch and rules with an iron will#it is ultimately down fo her that Eddie was forced to grow up too fast - was forced into a heteronormative behaviour pattern#she is the reason he didn’t get to figure out who he really is and that’s what he’s paying for now#Ramon just went along with her - that has been shown on multiple occasions - he is like Phillip buckley - a weak man who goes along with his#wife for a quiet life#so yeah - Helena (and Ramon) showing up in 7x10 - perhaps to take Chris back to Texas for the summer#feels very intentional to me - Eddie dealt with his issues around one parent - now in order to let go of Shannon and move forward he needs#to deal with the other#gonna be so good#it’s also worth pointing out that we see a far more soft and vulnerable Eddie with abuela and Pepa than with Helena - perhaps the contrast#will be explored - Helena not liking abuela or Pepa that much because she thinks they make him soft etc - would be juicy too#(can you tell I’m not a Helena diaz fan!!)#911 spoilers#eddie diaz#911 speculation#911 abc
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I've reached season 5 on my CSI rewatch and I'm a few episodes past "Swap Meet", where a woman is murdered after attending a swing party with other couples from the neighbourhood. Near the end of the episode there's a moment that made me jump from my seat:
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]
Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.)
Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]
(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two culps. He hands her a cup of tea.)
LIKE!!!!!!!
Right after Erin ends her sentence with 'girl at the office', the first time Sara and Grissom meet again, he brings her tea. This might be an innocent interaction but to me it seemed like a nod to this relationship they have where both are into each other, know about the other's feelings, but can't/won't do anything about it (although Sara has kind of given Grissom an ultimatum). I don't know if it was intentional - I'm guessing it is, because I picked it up immediately. I might or might not have squealed in delight.
#csi#gsr#i'm very Normal about them btw i don't think about them 50 times per day or anything#need to talk more about these two here#because im obsessed about them in a Normal way#sara is like. my dream wife. i totally get grissom being in love with her for years and barely holding it together#i would not though#i'm 1000% sure she's bi. but the writers have been cowards so far#also she and i dress THE SAME. yes i love 2000s clothes so what#i could talk about her forever she's everything to me#and grissom. oh grissom. i also get why she's been in love with him forever#i mean what the FUCK went down in san francisco did they hook up and sex was so good it scared them#and now they have to live with that tension and they're scared of crossing that line#nah i'm guessing with these two they just REALLY clicked. like. they were an instant match and they knew it#but grissom didnt want to lose focus on work or whatever and they lived in separate states you know#but oh my god i totally get sara. grissom is such a silver fox. he's like one of the hottest old men i've ever seen in my life#you know what i 100% get tumblr sexualizing old men it's completely valid i'm in this now too#he has this LOOK. whenever he's angry at a suspect. and he looks angrily at them. i'm chewing on my keyboard just remembering it#and his smirks#AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SARA#im losing my mind#i love all of gil grissom but seasons 4-5 jesus fucking christ#ok enough with the sexualizing i love him as a character SO MUCH. he's absolutely fantastic#one of the things i love the most about him is that he doesn't judge people. whenever the team is confused about someone#or this persons' lifestyle#he's always trying to understand them and not judge them#like a true scientist he wants to understand the nature of things and people#and he's such a sweetheart i love him so much#like there are so many things i love about him i can't fit them all in the tags. same for sara#they're a perfect match for me
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MC: Please, Dazai, after everything we’ve been through together. You can’t do this. Dazai: I’m sorry MC. MC: I’m begging you. Don’t do it. Dazai: It has to be done. MC: Dazai: MC: Dazai: *Places +4* Uno.
#ikevamp#ikemen vampire#ikevamp incorrect quotes#ikevamp dazai#ikevamp mc#okay but rereading dazai's route in english has been a hell of a ride#i love how the game is like 'be warned if you try to date one of the other jpn guys. they will meme.'#and tbh? i think that's fking brilliant good show everyone#like on the one hand yes i think its very sweet they care about her comfort so far away from home#and how they bond over having a similar homeland#but then they just straight up get so chaotic at points and i wheeze laugh#i will never forget doing one of sebas' bday stories and mc is like#'take those clothes off'#vital context: mc didnt want him to wear work clothes on their bday date--she wanted him to wear 'we're on a date clothes'#but sebas just replies 'but i don't wanna go to work naked 😔'#and she's just like 'AKIHIKO I S2G'#and to this day every single time i remember i become monsieur de wahaha actually#i find it hysterically funny how pissy sebas gets about dazai's silly goose antics#meanwhile gilligan's cut to sebas being absolutely out of pocket when left unsupervised#the duality of man that these two manage to carry#you know it just occurred to me that perhaps sebas gets mad bc dazai is so averse to letting anyone help or care about him in return#and that's really sweet if that's the case (although I suspect it is also partially that he makes more work for him kalhdgkhsfsjhk)#godspeed dazai doors are the oppressor windows are freedom#don't let the establishment fool you
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Me: can we have The Raven Boys?
Mom: we have raven boys at home
The Raven Boys at home:
#mine#the raven boys#the girl with the steel corset#the raven cycle#i cant explain it its just the vibes#griffin is such a off-brand gansey and sam fills the ronan role (except hes the worst. unironically i hate him so much)#and finley has the blue role (shes nowhere near as good as blue although i do kinda like finley a bit)#alright adam and emily dont work for this comparison but you get the idea#anyway ive been thinking about this the whole time i read the book. it feels like its trying to evoke a similar feeling as trb but it fails#its also not very good#they have nothing in common as far as the story goes its just the way the characters feel is sort of smth i need to compare#might have to write a post about this book but im tired#also the cover is so bad it looks like a self published romance book#its a young adult/teen steampunk fantasy book fyi
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I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂
#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one#prob best if u don't expand the tags#am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time#so I think I get a pass on this one.#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch#it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who#have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that#when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in#a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs#and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and#they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times#like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying#I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so#I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of#them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in#their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door#this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl#this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything#AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great#emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too#is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of#knowing how to coexist politely in public#anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who#found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness#I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think#hater hour over love u guys bye
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Sometimes I just look at Isabeau and just know that if isat came out and I got into it when I was like 16 he would be my favorite character and I would've gone absolutely buck wild over this man and feel like he was laser targeting me. But alas Odile has a grip of steel on me rn due to her virtue of being a middle aged woman
#rat rambles#stars posting#I feel like the biggest change in my taste in characters as the years have gone by is Im now far more biased towards old ppl lol#although tbf I was also the one person in 2016 who actually liked asgore so maybe Ive always liked parhetic old ppl#but yeah the reason isa is past me bait is because hes an exploration and subversion of the sort of tropes I Hated as a kid#and I still dont like them so isa still appeals to me its just not as much as he would have to a younger me#I do genuinely love all the party very dearly tho theyre all soooo good#I think my favorite part of isabeau is how like. of everyone we get to see the least facets of him but like in a very good way#this is a man who hides and bottles shit hes so fun to rotate#his self image is so carefully controlled compared to everyone else which makes him an incredibly interesting character to analyze#and I love that despite him seeming like the most emotionally stable person here on the surface he still clearly has like. hashtag issues.#like he's in that beautiful zone where its so so fun imagining what it would look like to truly break him#<- normal things that normal ppl say. like me.#I may have my very light beef with alt looping aus as a concept but hes probably the most interesting alternate looper to me#also my light beef exclusively relates to king quest stuff which is why Im a big fan of duo looper aus with sif#but honestly. isa might be the only one that I genuinely think works better as a solo looper even with taking king quest into account#although bonnie comes close. I <3 looper bonnie I <3 seeing fictional children go through the horrors#I think theres a lot of fun to be had with any alt looper au tho I just am a huge king quest fan so I like it when my favorite elements of#it dont have to be handwaved#but yeah the real question is how would younger me feel about mirabelle#because on the one hand: acearo character#but on the other hand: I have always been a little hater abt romance so idk if younger me would rly be able to follow her character well#I wasnt exactly good at character analysis back then lol#except for the instances in which I was but I dont have that sort of faith in my younger self#yknow Im thinking abt my history of favorite characters now and I think me being one of few 2016 alphys enjoyers might have been a prophecy#she was my quote unquote third favorite but in reality she was second#I think she chara and peridot su teamed up to define my taste in fictional characters for the next several years#and somehow that lead to olivia becoming one of my favorite fictional characters of all time#I say somehow as if that isnt a very natural conclusion
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pondering the kirsch siblings orb yet again and you really cannot convince me that quinn would not have been moving like depression era bella in new moon from the moment she even FOUND OUT richie was moving to modesto...
#like bc LISTEN.#anyone with eyes can tell richie was clearly her everything 😭#and idt she was super young bc i hc he moved out about 1-2 yrs b4 the events of 5cream#and richie wouldve still been 23-24#but just given how close they were + how spoiled he was at home LMAO idt she wouldve Expected him to leave 'so soon'#read: EVER or at least before the twins graduated hs#so i think that news hit her like the final destination 2 log truck. like that HURT. DEVASTATED her even. esp given the distance bc-#i hc the kirsches as Wisconsin People (source: kinda sorta radio silence but also my besties knowledge of Wisconsin People)#so from wherever the hell wisconsin to CALIFORNIA?!?!?!?! ik quinn was crying screaming throwing up like that was the worst day of her LIFE#up until then at least. like maybe she was onto smth bc nothing GOOD came of him moving there.#but yeah no i think she was absolutely moping about emo as hell feeling like a piece of her was literally missing.#bc and i think this goes wrt both of her brothers but since im kirschcest pilled yk theres an extra element there#quinn is very like family oriented in general and i think she doesnt know how to think of herself/what to do w herself if shes not like.#being their sister. best way i can put it thats not so convoluted but ykwim. like so it just does Not feel natural for her#for them to be apart & SO far away from each other. i think it wouldnt be nearly as big a deal if he moved out but stayed even just in stat#the only bright spot for her wouldve been 1) getting to visit and 2) getting the idea that she could just go out there for college#then yippee!! the whole gang is reunited!#bc obvi ethan is coming with. im ngl i do not even think she would ask or be like 'so i wanna move to cali to be close to richie hbu?'#i think she'd assume like well theyve been together their whole lives? why WOULDNT ethan go along?? 😭#and she's right except he is 100% agreeing bc he'd be with HER#but thats another post and or tag essay#ceci speaks#scream franchise#scream vi#kirsch siblings#richie kirsch#quinn bailey
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I just had the horrible thought that I need to fall in love because having devastating crushes on beautiful, competent, authoritative women that I desperately want to please is exhausting and I need it to stop
#this one is straight so there's no room for delusion which is good#but my burning need to be her most favorite is eating me from the inside#it IS making me better at my job though#.......i mean i think so but what the fuck do i know#on friday night amongst the grueling psychosexual chaos that ensued a very smart guy that I LOVE said to me#i have no doubts you're gonna be a great psychiatrist actually#i traded a month with him to have another month with her#he's a phenomenologist she's a psychodynamic....ist? rival theories#I don't like most of psychodynamic theory.......so far#but i love the way she works and i can see how well it fits with her manymanyMANY patients and goddamnit i love personality dosorders#so i made the choice to go with her yes and im very torn casue i LOVE that guy and i wish i could become his friend like my bff from my year#also.......kind of dumb of me since I'd only soend two days a week woth her and the other three with very scary ladies#but I've been in scarier situation i can manage#and god when she praises me (silently obv she's only been forward about my merit ONCE and i almost pissed myself like an overexcited dog)#the endorphin rush is........man#but yes i need to work on this.......idk how to define it. closest i can get to explaining it is professional sub space#with strong aspects of praise kink#pathetic is what it is really#but hey if it makes me study harder who fucking cares right#I'm gonna be the smartest most intuitive fucking bitch amongst my peers so if I can't have her (them) carnally then goddamnit#I'LL HAVE THEIR PRAISE AND RESPECT AND ADMIRATION AT LEAST#........I'll be normal again in a week or two i just need to get over these next couple of days of....idk. inflammation i guess#yeah it's just like an infected wound right now#angry red throbbing hot pain#i know the drill it'll be better in a couple of days you just need to not freak out and let it do its thing#it's nice to be mature-r about emotional impulsivity and the shame that comes after an episode of deregulation#it really doesn't have to be a big deal even while it still feels like it#it still hurts but it's like......hour three of a tattoo. it's a bitch but you know it's gonna be over eventually and wriggling won't work#the only thing left to do is enjoying it all while it's happening or trying to#I don't think I'm doing a great job but what're you gonna do right
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My druid has "fuckboy" written all over her
#speculation nation#shes a druid but she does Not look it. nor does she act like it really.#druid stuff exists to beef myself up as a front liner (spores druid ftw)#and to act as an excuse like 'whaaaat why r u so suspicious of me im a druid 🥺🥺🥺 i just want what's best for nature 🥺🥺🥺'#meanwhile here i am hogging ALL the worms we manage to find (or. well. most of them.)#bc im going full ham into my powers lol theyre so useful#this is a game of pressing Every button and seeing what happens. yet still going along the lines of good? approximately?#it very much does feel like the kind of thing a druid drow would do. willing to consort with the darkness#but still ultimately striving for peace and order.#i am just perhaps a little bug-brained to accomplish this :3#ive been playing a Lot of bg3. progressing well through act 2. everything is so very scary and i am just 1 druid 🥺#(i say as if i havent killed literally every single enemy ive come across. im so fucking good at this game.)#the house of healing was by far my least favorite part (so far). that boss battle was TERRIBLE but i managed to get through it.#according to my friends they just talked their way out of it. not me tho. i saw that guy strapped to the table and i was just like#'GET FUCKED BRO' *casts moonbeam* *proceeds to get the shit stabbed outta me*#holy shit he did so much damage. and he was focused ONLY ON ME.......#took me and shadowheart both healing to keep up with the damage he was doing (while astarion and karlach did most of the attacking)#but i did it! hes gone! but holy shit poking around his stuff has been so. eugh.#im in the towers now. so scary. just barely started them tho. gonna look for the prisoners and then proceed from there.#that ketheric dude is fucking terrifying. so big scared about him. but All Men Die The Same 😈#.....well maybe not exactly the same given his 'immortality' thing 😂 but i'll figure it out.#anyways yea check out taltana im going for a mixed feminine and masculine kinda vibes with her. and enjoying it very much.#bg3 spoilers/
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pair of hounds named Comes-Back and Should Know Better. pair of hounds named Conscious Choice and Unconditional. pair of hounds named Run to You and Six Hundred Kilometers.
#concepts#i was thinking about those ridiculous protestant / puritan names and also guard dog archetypes and—yeah. yeahhh#six hundred kilometers is a true one actually. years ago my grand-aunt had this one dog—Dima. he'd gotten old and then during routine#the vet tech found a cancerous tumour in his bowels. she couldn't bear to watch him die so#in his endless wisdom my eldest uncle decided they should drive the dog very far away from home; make him comfortable; leave him there.#so they did. so they drove out a little over six hundred kilometers#because within a 300~350km RANGE around us they were sure he'd be able to find his way back#since he'd been going around w her everywhere his whole life#well. what do you know? Dima came back.#looking dirty and exhausted but the good boy made his way back#he lived longer than they thought he would too—for about one more year. died quietly with his head in her lap.#i'm very fine about this story obviously : )
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because im less breakable than you
#still dont really remember the details of how this ends but still thinking they couldve made laura vampire instead of carmilla human#also keep thinking - as with all the things recently idk why this is a thing now but i gotta keep thinking abt it - that canonically#carmilla died at 18#laura is 19#actresses are 25ish here? it's not a big difference but it is...a little difference#theyre teenagers#they look like teenagers#she fucking died at her first ball hoping to make her first ever friend it's so sad really#but i was thinking abt this too with the iwtv episode where claudia asks armand to turn madeleine and he goes to question her#like certain lines are just so very specifically written i think and they hit so much harder if you adjust their ages mentally#claudia looks 14. shes from 1903 so shes around 40-45 years old?#madeleine's actress is 30ish i believe and i think madeleine is meant to be a similar age#but she looks kind of young. i guess 30 is pretty young actually#armand in the show was turned at 27? assad zaman is 34? close enough i guess you dont have to adjust that much#but in the book hes turned at 17?#like just some lines really hit#when claudia calls madeleine 'some weird white lady i met by happenstance'#imagine a 14 yo talking abt a 30 yo instead of two people who look similar in age#when madeleine calls armand young man when shes like theres nothing left of my era theres been a war#i think she says like 'young man theres been a war'#that 'young man' really hits if you imagine him 17#idk#also still thinking abt yaz. if she looked 19#idk. teenage vampires man#also been reading the book and forever5yo claudia is fascinating too i love her#also can they do telepathy in the book bc i feel like a lot of times in the book it's that claudia is being carried by louis like a 5yo#that she whispers stuff in his ear. and thats always the kind of stuff that in the show they'd use telepathy for#it's a good solution both ways i lik eboth but it made me wonder did they just add the telepathy in entirely in the show?#bc i dont believe theres been any so far in the book
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isa has such a complicated relationship with her childhood and trauma. she'll downplay it at most opportunities, or simply lie to avoid a conversation she doesn't want to have. before the events of bg3, only one person outside of her immediate family knows of her past, and esra is isadora's most trusted confidant. no one in the party discovers even an inkling of her past until act 3.
she isn't an orphan, wasn't horribly abused, didn't have something equally as terrible happen to her as a young child, and when most people she meets have had something truly horrible happen to them, it seems small of her to complain. her parents weren't cruel and provided her a fairly well-off upbringing with a governess to boot. still, when she came of age, she didn't hesitate to flee neverwinter and never return.
her human parents, particularly her mother, were mortified when isa was born with her pink toned skin and stubby horns and the inkling of a tail. her mother outright refused to try for more children for the fear of birthing any more tieflings, and grieved the large family she had always wanted for years when isa was young. her father loved her as much as he could in his stilted way, but he also never brought her into the family's merchant business despite her begging.
isa wasn't locked away, per se, but she had known from a very young age that she'd brought shame to her family, that she was unwanted. she was fed, and educated, and given any and all lessons she wanted, but she had few friends and suffered more scalding from her governess than she did affection from her parents. it was a lonely, guilded cage of a childhood.
#oc tag#ch: isadora#idk just thinking about her and her parental issues tonight#she's got the jackpot of both mummy and daddy issues 😩#also yeah she downplays her trauma#very much 'its not as bad as other peoples so its not as worthy of the pain it caused me' etc etc#she and astarion have some ...... choice discussions about this#because in the face of Him and his Existance as a spawn isa feels like a whining ungrateful child#which is Far from the truth but she struggles to see it - she's always been so good at lying (to others but herself most of all)#she both loathes her parents and longs for the few rose-tinted memories she does have of them from her youth#so when a letter comes in act 3 of bg3 saying her father had fallen ill and died she doesn't really Know What To Feel#isn't sure if she should even Allow herself to grieve after everything#the letter comes from her mother and it's the first time she's seen her handwriting in like 14 years#anyway wow this got long i'm so sorry i'm caught in my feelings tonight
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