#but she was the kindest woman i've ever known

[apricote]

suddenly i miss my grandma so much

[halfstayed]

富察·容音 Fuca Rongyin from 延禧攻略 The Story of Yanxi Palace (2018)

TV APPRECIATION WEEK 2024 — free choice: favourite chinese period drama character

[gguk-n]

Harmonies on the fast lane (Carlos Sainz x kpop artist!Reader SMAU)

Face claim- Bibi (A K-Pop Artist) Stage name is Aria

Google translated korean and spanish. All the pictures are from pinterest or instagram

ariascorner

Liked by dlwlrma, kimsmell1, and 256,976 other

ariascorner 저는 F1과 카트를 좋아해요. I love F1 and karting Newest hyperfixation!! Also you should go karting with your bestie

user1 누나 너무 예뻐 💓💓unnie is so pretty user 2 can't believe unnie is also f1 girlie❤️💓 user 3 사랑해💓 I love you user 4 누나가 최고야!! 사랑해 💓❤️Noona is so pretty, love you

ariascorner

Liked by _happiness_o, m_kayoung and 467,892 other

ariascorner 지금까지 최고의 해. 올해가 얼마나 꽉 찼는지 믿을 수가 없어. 그리고 나는 내 매진된 쇼에서 너희들 앞에서 공연해야 했어. 정말 고마워. 나는 계속해서 더 열심히 일하고 너희 모두를 자랑스럽게 만들 거야. 날 사랑해줘서 고마워. 사랑해!! The best year so far. Can't believe what a jam packed year this was and I got to perform in front of you guys at so many of my own sold out shows. I am so grateful to you. I will continue to work harder and make you all proud. Thank you for loving me. I love you!!😭😭💓💓😘😘

user 5 네가 사는 걸 봤어, 넌 정말 좋아. 😭😭I saw you live, you are so good user 6 I'm the girl she kissed in the second last picture. best day ever🙈🫣 user 7 천사의 목소리 Angelic voice 💓💓 user 8 Please come to my country soon 😭😭

ariatics

Liked by 5479 others

ariatics It's that time of the year and dispatch has released their rumoured relationships this year. *drumroll* It's Aria unnie this time and we can't see the guy's face at all. But who ever it is I'm so happy for them!!

user 1 eww, how can she do this to us??🤬🤬 user 2 she'll never succeed if she doesn't work hard and only hang out with guys🤢🤢 user 3 how is her company letting her do this? user 4 I hope they break up asap so that unnie can go back to making music 🤧🤧

ariatics

Liked by 6479 other

ariatics Dispatch posted a picture of Aria unnie at Incheon airport. Apparently she has personal business she needs to attend to.

user 5 I hope she gets her shit together soon. user 6 how can she look so pretty even without make up 😭😭 user 7 bet she is going on a trip with her boyfriend😪😪 user 8 she just finished her rookie years and is already acting like a senior 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

carlosainz55

Liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc and 1,754,862 others

carlossainz55 Some rest and relaxation before starting pre-season training

landonorris ooo, it's your girlfriend. Did she teach you how to soft launch?🫣🫣 charles_leclerc can't wait to see you at the race in a couple of weeks🤝👍 user 1 we lost him girls, he's taken😭😭😔 user 2 2 shirtless Carlos pictures in one post🥵 user 3 good luck Carlos, know you can do it!!👊 user 4 can't wait to see you in Bahrain☺️ user 5 who do you think the mystery girl is??🤔

sainsgirlie

Liked by 45,879 others tagged carlossainz55 and ariascorner

sainzgirlie Carlos back at the paddock after his appendix removal surgery in Jeddah. He will not be driving this week but it seems that his girlfriend has tagged along to take care of him. From what people have seen, they say Y/N Y/L/N also known as Aria, a k-pop artist keeps fretting over him. Both of them were seen exchanging a couple kisses confirming the pair is indeed dating.

user 6 unnie has gone mainstream😱😱 user 7 Get well soon Carlos!!😔❤️ user 8 Atleast someone is taking care of him😭 user 1 can't believe my eyes. Y/N unnie and Carlos oppa 🤧🤧

carlossainz55

Liked by carlossainzofficial, ariascorner, landonorris and 4,678,986 other tagged ariascorner

carlossainz55 So grateful to be able to share my life with the prettiest, kindest and most important woman in my life. I've become a better person because of her. Thank you for always being there for me, in my good and bad time. I love you carino!! 사랑해 자기야 I love you baby

landonorris congratulations mate!! I don't have to keep my mouth shut anymore ariascorner landonorris not like you actually did charles_leclerc both of you look so cute. Alex wants to know if we can get tickets? ariasworld charles_leclerc Alex can have all the tickets!! user 2 aww!! they are so cute!! I've never seen Y/N so in love!! user 3 그녀는 국가의 공주일 뿐만 아니라 그의 공주이기도 하다. She isn’t only the nation’s princess but his princess too user 4 two of the prettiest people dating🥰🥰 user 5 Carlos is in love ngl I would be too if I was dating Y/N😍😍 ariascorner ¡Gracias por quererme! Te quiero, mi príncipe 💓💓😘😘 Thank you for loving me! I love you my prince Liked by Author

ariascorner

Liked by genyouthent, carlossainz55, dlwrlma and 3,879,975 other tagged carlossainz55

ariascorner So blessed to be able to call you mine. I'm gonna proudly show you off!! Thank you for believing in me and supporting me!! You are the best thing that has ever happened to me!! I love you baby!! Te quiero más que a las estrellas del cielo I love you more than the stars in the sky

user 6 그가 널 행복하게 해주길 바라 😭😭💓I hope he keeps you happy user 7 I get the best of both worlds. My mom and dad are actually dating!!!😘😘 user 8 So happy for you Y/N!! I hope you are always happy🎉🎉 user 1 she said fuck kpop standards, I love my man😱😱 user 2 we love supportive couples😍😍 user 3 can’t wait to see you at races and Carlos at inkigayo 🤣🤣 carlossainz55 넌 내 인생의 사랑이야. ❤️❤️ you are the love of my life Liked by Author

Hope you enjoy!! I had fun making this!!

[cornyforjk]

Your quite treason | JJK

ᥫ᭡pairing: married exbsf!jungkook x female reader 

ᥫ᭡genre: ex best friends, forbidden love , angst rating: 16+

ᥫ᭡warnings: drug and alcohol usage, mentions of cheating, swearing, depressed, obsession, crying and all that stupid stuff.

ᥫ᭡word count: around 20K (ik it's too much but i couldn't control my feelings 😩)

ᥫ᭡summary: Your love for Jeon Jungkook was ruining your life.

ᥫ᭡inspiration: Fortnight by The Motherr Taylor Swift (ft.Post Malone)

ᥫ᭡listen to: Fortnight by The Motherr Taylor Swift (ft.Post Malone), happier by Olivia Rodrigo

ᥫ᭡Author's note: AHHHH, okay, woof. This is the first ever fanfic I'll post, tho I've written many but never posted. Please bare if there's any grammatical mistake and if my writing feels too much.

Show some love and your suggestions are welcome in the comment section 😗

____________________________________

Hello Mrs. Park, how have you been?" You turn around to find Minji, speaking to you while watering the flowers of her front garden.

Minji, Jeon Minji. She always made you feel like the worst person, tho she never meant it. In fact,she's the sweetest and the kindest person you've ever known. And that's why, she's in the position you've always dreamed to be in. That's why she has the man you've always dreamt of.

And the fact, you can never be her nor in her position, makes you feel like the worst person on this earth.

"Hello, Mrs. Jeon, I've been doing just fine. How about you? " Tho your tongue burnt on the feeling of reffering her by the title,you still held up a smile. A smile behind which no one could see the pain. "I'm great, actually! But you, Mrs. Park, you look unwell." You sensed the concern to be genuine and you hated that. "Oh yeah, just tired from work. Yk it's too much these days." You replied, not wanting her to noticing anything wrong with you. "Ah, I understand. Work can get stressful, but I'm sure everything will get tell well soon." She smiles at you, and you see another reason why she's deserves the title more.

You smile back at her and thank her before leaving towards your house, your insides burning with the urge to kill her right then.

"There's a new couple shifting in the house behind ours" Jaehyun, your husband says while he's eating his breakfast. "Oh, in the Jung's? Didn't think they'll actually sell it" You reply, as you pack your lunch, not really caring for the fact. You forgot about it and the new info never crossed your mind once in the day.

It was when the bell rang and you opened the door only to face the new neighbors. Him, Oh god, It's him. Your excitement died the next second when you saw a very pretty women standing right beside him, her arm wrapped around his. "Oh-Oh hey Y/N. I totally didn't expect you! " His face evident with surprise. "You know her, babe?" The woman asked him. "Yeah, hun. She's a college friend. " That's when you felt your heart clench tightly.

Jeon Jungkook, the guy who you've been loving since your collage days even when you got married. The guy you thought of every night before you slept, the guy you thought about when woke up in the morning, the guy you thought about everytime when you ate icecream. Jeon Jungkook, was your friend who you trusted with your life. But now, he was just a stranger you know everything about. (Stranger by the loml Olivia Rodrigo, but the oc isn't over kookie😩)

"H-Hi. How are you J-Jungkook." You couldn't believe it. You've cried so many nights for him. Praying to get back in his arms, have him in your life as anyone, if not a lover. But now that he comes back, he's married. And very happily, you can see.

"I'm doing very well, Y/N. This is Jeon Minji, my wife. We have just shifted in the house right behind your backyard. So nice to see you again." You could feel your eyes pinch with pain, but you tried your best to pull up a bright smile. You can do this, you're very good at hiding feelings. Come on Y/N. "

I'm so happy to see you too. And hello Minji, nice to meet you. Well come in you both. " You move aside for them to come in but the refuse by saying, " It's fine, Y/N. We were just her to Introduce, but guess we don't need to do that. " Minji chuckles and continues, "But we'll see you soon. Have a good night. " She smiles at you, and you feel your legs tickling with jealousy. "You too have a good night, and please don't hesitate if you need any help in shifting. Both me and my husband are willing to help."

You fail to notice Jungkook stiffen as he's reminded that you're married too. He doesn't know why but he's always been uneasy with you being in a relationship and he has no idea why.

Both of them agree and leave after a short goodbye. You shut the door and you suddenly feel all the strength leaving your body. You collapse against the main door, still not believing everything that happened. All the memories that you were burying, we're now out of your control . You could hear his voice, feel his touch and his warmth. Tears made their way out of your eyes as you cry silently.

You unlock the main door to your house as you get inside. It's been so long since they've moved but you can't get yourself to move on. You reach the kitchen to grab a can of bear in an attempt to calm yourself down. But nothing seems to work, every drink or drug, leaves only a temporary effect. You continue loving jungkook even when you're high. You decide to take a cold shower when you hear the main door open again, only to see your shitty husband entering.

Jaehyun, both as a husband and a person, might be the worst guy you've ever met. You don't understand how he's able to lie on your face so smoothly. If you had control, you would have never married him. But fate and your parents had a different plan for you.

Around 2 months ago, your friend Sarah sent you a picture of Jaehyun with a girl sitting on his lap, and they were heavily making out. You didn't feel any pain in your heart but only shame, it felt like he had stepped hard on your dignity, your self respect. He made you feel like the most undeserving person, and he definitely did that intentionaly.

Ever since then, you've never started and conversation with him, disgusted to even look at him. And you guess, it makes it easier for him to leave the house whenever and stay at the girl's place. But you don't bring yourself to care, your mind always drift to jungkook and his very happy married life.

They're living their best lives, the typical rom-com like love life. Jungkook never leaves without a kiss with his wife. And Minji is always ready to welcome him by door when it's time for him to return.

When you had the same time routine, you always witnessed them being the happiest around each other and you had to change your timings. You couldn't bare seeing them being all lovey-dovey, so you leave for work earlier and arrive back home later.

"Y/N? " You were too drunk to hear him calling you. He called you out a few times before his hands reach your right arm to turn you around. "What the fuck!" You slurred, your drunkenness now evident to jungkook. "What are you doing here Y/N?? " He asks you with a strict voice, which soon melts when he sees you pout. "Kook, oh it's you thank god. I thought It was some guy again. " You said slowly as you moved closer to him. You were too drunk and high to remember the argument you had earlier. "Let's get you home Y/N. Don't you have morning classes tomorrow,hm? " He speaks very softly, as is talking to a kid. You mover your side to side, disagreeing with him and then you say, "Noo, let's have another drink and dance. I missed youuu" You wrap your arms around his neck, as your pouts grows even more. He chuckles while holding your waist just as tightly as you're holding him.

He agrees with you and empties the red cup you were having rum and coke in. Both of you weren't a fan of frat parties but whenever you're both together, everything feels the best. Jungkook's breathe fans over your neck as you both dance along On the floor by JLo.

When the chorus of the song starts you along with most of the other girls turn around to twerk along, as if it's a mandatory ritual. Jungkook's cheeks and ears turn bright pink as your ass grazed his crotch a few times while dancing and he wishes you don't notice. You turn back around to hold him again because when you weren't, you felt a certain type of coldness even when you're in bw so many people. His warmth was something which can get you just as high as a joint.

Both of you melted in each other's arms and stayed that way for so long, you didn't even know what song was playing now. "Mhmm, kookie can i kiss you? Just once I promise. " Jungkook wanted it, he wanted you to kiss him forever but he knew it's not safe for your friendship. He can't let his feelings over take him because he knows you only see him as a friend (who you might kiss sometimes 🤭) but how can he say no to you, especially when you're being so cute and adorable. So he decides to fuck it and bend down to kiss you. He captures your lips in a kiss as you both make out in the middle of the crowd. Jungkook felt like the luckiest person ever to have you like this. He has always been so happy that you're open to him with your feelings and uhm.

And you felt similar, just as euphoric and wanted this moment to last forever. Oh, how you wish to have him in all the ways possible. Even pray for it at every 11:11 you notice. And everything feels so good with him around. You were so in love with him but you knew he wasn't.

He has always been the best friend, the bestest you could ask for. But best friends can never be together, thec can never have feelings for each other because it always results in heartbreaks.

And so it did, both of yours heart broke quite terribly. When jungkook had to leave for USA after he got a job placement but he told you about it just 2 days before. Out of anger, you didn't talk to him neither did you come to see him off at the airport. Both of you were hurt, and you both had your reasons.

Next morning when you were returning from a morning run, you ran into Jungkook by the mail box. "Good Morning, Y/N" He wishes you and you just wanted to jump in his arms. "Oh, Good Morning to you too Jungkook! " You wished him back trying to match his level of energy. "How have you been? " You ask him further.

"I've been great, what about you? "

"I'm doing well too. " You reply, knowing you always feel well around him. "Good to hear that. The weather has been terrible these days" He says, trying to start a conversation.

"Yeah, ikr. It's so hot these days,even when it's just February." You both continue talking about random things when he invites you and Jaehyun over for dinner.

"Thank you for the invite, but i don't think Jaehyun will be able to make it, he comes back late these days. " You say and Jungkook could sense your hesitation on the topic of your husband. And ofc, him being the kindest human being , he asked, "oh, btw, is everything fine between you both? Minji mentioned you being very stressed these days. You know you can always reach out. " with concern evident in his eyes.

It became difficult to maintain an eye contact because you both know how terrible you're at lying to him. "W-well, yeah everything is fine between us" You say, your eyes roaming everywhere but jungkook. He knows that's not the truth so he persuades, "Y/N, yk you can't lie to me so tell me what's up? " When you finally meet his eyes, you feel like crying.

He thinks your misery is because of your husband but who's gonna tell him that he's the reason. He's why you're suffering, he's why you're depressed and he's the reason of your misery. You give him a little smile, and when you're about to continue, you get a phone call from your husband. "Uhh, I'll have to take this up. " You tell him and he says, "okay Y/N, I'll get going but please ask for any help that you need, hm? " With that you both smile at each other and leave.

"What? " You ask Jaehyun. "You're not at home? Where are you? " You turn around and see him at the main door. You scoff realising that he's coming back from that girl's place and you want to kill him right there.

It had been a week since you met him and now you were walking towards their house around 10pm. Your dad had been calling since morning but you couldn't answer his once . Though you're high as fuck but you can't find your phone, and that's why you're going to jungkook's place to ask for any of theirs phone.

You ring the bell and wait there for a few seconds. The gate opens and you're met with a just out of shower Jungkook. Your breathe hitches and you feel your cheeks burning. He's just as hot. "Umm, hi Y/N.all good? " He speaks, breaking your trance.

"Oh hellooo" You give him a 90° bow which startles him "I'm good how are youu? " Your words trail of as your brain suddenly feels numb. "Wait- are you drunk? " He recognises your drunken voice but you deny him by saying,

"Noooo. I'm not drunkk I'm Highh hehe" You start giggling and it confuses hi even more "I'm sorry to disturb you at this hour, but i need your phone." You pout, and jungkook feels like he's floating. He knows how it is, but your pout still softens him. "Come inside, it's cold. "

"Your wife isn't at home? " You ask him to which he replies, "no she's out with her friends for drinks."

"Oh cool"

You get inside his house and are amazed how pretty they've made it. This place screams jungkook and it feels so much like home. "So what brings you here? " He asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Ohh yeahh my phone was calling and I need to call him back but i can't find my dad" You pout again. This time he chuckles, laughing at your words.

"You can't find your dad?" His lips pulling into his iconic bunny smile.

"Yeahh, I can't find my dad. Can you give me your dad so i can call my dad, pleaseeee"

"Here you go, here's my dad" If you both were still young , he would've have teased you a lot. But you both have grown up and even though he wanted to, he couldn't.

"Thank you so muchhhh" You busy yourself dialing your no. when he asked you, "where's your husband tho? "

You were trying so hard to dial your no. correct, that you didn't realize when you said, "he's probably at his girlfriend's. "

"What"

"Holy fuck"

"Shit shit, you didn't hear anything" Your eyes widen with horror and you scolded yourself internally. "Wait fr? Jaehyun's cheating on you? And you know that?? " His eye balls almost out of the sockets, shock evident in his voice.

"Uhh, no no, Yk I'm-im drunk, don't mind that" You tried to play it off but jungkook wouldn't even budge. "Y/N, ik you're telling the truth, you don't have to lie to me. " His eyes full of concern and once again you feel your brain going numb. And you were starting to feel sober, which was even worse.

"Uhmm, I'll have to take your phone over so i can listen to my phone ring. " You ran quickly in an attempt to save yourself from further embarrassment.

Later in your room, you find your phone in your bathroom floor (you have no idea why) And now you have to return jungkook's phone back to him.

You gather so courage and reach his house. You plan on giving it to him and leaving right after thanking him.

And you did so, but after you turned around to leave, he held you arm in an attempt to turn you back. "Y/N, please talk to me. How long have you known this? " You see genuine concern in his eyes and feek like hugging him and crying on his chest.

"Uhh, just let it be jungkook."

"No, tell me. " His voice stern now.

"Why do you even care. It's nine of your business"

"But i just can't see you get hurt. " His voice soft again.

You looked in his eyes, and scoffed. "You can't se me hurt? Of all the hurt I've ever experienced, you have been one reason every fucking time. And you can't see me hurt? Wow"

Jungkook's face falls,but that doesn't stop you. "You fucking hurt me more than anyone does. I don't even care jaehyun's cheating one. It doesn't hurt me. But you do. You hurt me so much that i can't even feel any other pain. " Your voice now louder. Your eyes pinch with pain, tears threatening to fall. But no, you can't do this, not in front of him at least.

"How do i hurt you? " His voice low like a whisper. "Good question Jungkook. You wanna know how you hurt me? How don't wanna know since when you've been hurting me? "

"Y/N you're still mad at what happened almost 10 years ago? " A frown appears on his face and his tone makes you feel as if you're at fault.

"I wouldn't have been if it didn't affect me so much. And why do expect me to not? You told me fucking 2 days before you were leaving for Florida? You never called while you were there. You were living your life and here I was dying. I was suffering." Years finally rolled down your cheeks. And jungkook wanted to wile them down and hug you to make you feel better.

But he was feeling the similar frustration you were feeling. And it became evident when he said, " You weren't the only one Y/N! I was also hurt. You didn't even come to see me off at the airport even when I texted-begged you over text. I wanted to apologize you that day and tell you something important. But you decided to be egoistic and didn't come. And that's why I never called. Even when I was in utter need of help and support, I couldn't call you. Because I lost the level of trust and I knew you won't even pick up. "

His word felt like slap. He's right, you were being a bitch when you didn't meet of on the last day, but you were mad too. "I would have, I was missing you so much, I would have definitely. I would have caught the first flight to Florida only to be with you again." Your words were now slurred due to your crying, when you finally broke and jungkook felt like crying too.

"I know it's wrong, it's so so so wrong but I can't help myself. I can't control myself" You covered your face as you cried even harder. And when you felt his arms engulfing you, you couldn't hepl but wrap your arms around him too. Jungkook stands there caressing your back while he himself cries silently.

"It's so wrong I still can't move on-" Jungkook's heart picks up speed. He's not ready for this. You suddenly pulll away from him and wipe your tears. "I'll get going jungkook. " You left before you could do something that maight ruin not one but many hearts.

And for the next few weeks you so neither jungkook nor his wife and you were very glad for it. It was untill one Tuesday morning when you swa both of them in front of their house. And they were not kissing or anything but arguing? You heard Minji saying, "what has happened to you? You're so distant these days kook. You don't even kiss me a goodbye??" To which jungkook replies, "it's nothing baby, I'm just stressed with work and things are getting lost in the back of me brain. Come here lemme kiss you" You were shocked when you heard Minji saying "No, you're first gonna tell me who else you're so in love with"

"What the hell, Minji? Why would you say that? " Jungkook was just as shocked. You didn't want to hear anything further so you stepped out of the fence and that's when Minji calls you out. "Mrs.Park! Good morning!"

And hearing your name from her mouth, Jungkook's eyes light up and he turns around quickly to look at you. He couldn't control but then he blurted out, "Nice sweater, Y/N."

Minji called you out to check something and she was right. She was right. "Oh Good morning, Jeon fam. And thank you Jungkook. Hope you guys have a nice day!" You wished them and hurriedly left.

And so did Minji. Jungkook was left standing there.

It took him 2 minutes to finally understand how he reacted and complimented you which was totally out of his mind.

And he finally realises how fucked up he is.

[grapecaseschoices]

OC in 15: Kendis Crawford-Louel

rules: share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

I was tagged by @deepinifhell and am woefully delayed in getting on this.

Tagging: @thedeadthree @thee-morrigan @nat-seal-well @nightingalesighs @laufire @lusavors @cypresswrites @thelittlestspider @mt07131 @roxaro @quaxorascal @tuomniia @andthatisnotfake @sunshineandviolets @sapphic-story [tagged fifteen peeps! i think! and as always no pressure!]

Most of the dialogue from old rp stuff repurposed for this meme, some from unposted stuff, and a few I made up for this. (As warning: some cussing)

-----

1] However, strangeness of the situation proves that the metal gates aren’t fully down around the castle, because she bites out, bluntly, “No! No. I’m not okay.” Her breath hitches. “Don’t. D-don’t follow that up with another question. I thought we talked about this.”

By ‘we’ and ‘talked’, she meant the time she summarily shut down his last attempt to dig deeper. It should’ve been obvious by now that Kendis didn’t like accepting what they insisted on dishing out.

-

2] "Yook, Kenny, yook!"

"What'm I lookin' at, teeny tyke? --- Well, now. Look at that! Is that me? In fact, I know that's me. That's the second prettiest person in this entire art of prettiness. And is the one right next to me you? It's got to be 'cause that's definitely the prettiest person in this."

"You siwwy, Kenny. Boys not be pretty!"

"Am I? Well, if you're sayin' that's right then I'll consider it. But being silly doesn't mean I'm wrooooong~. Boys can be very pretty, kiddo. People can be whatever they wanna be so long as they're --- kind, yeah? And you're the kindest, prettiest, most talented teeny tyke, I've ever known. Oh, now you're laughin' at me, huh? Well, Ima show you 'bout that teeny brat."

-

3] "Who invented white allosexuals, like for real? Someone return this woman to sender."

-

4] "We're not even four days into a fucking New Year and this shit stain is stinkin' up the place."

-

5] "And I get that it's different things for different people. But I rather lose a place, than lose the people that matter with it."

-

6] "I know you've probs been lied to lately. But you're really not cute."

-

7] "He obvi picked bad pics on purpose, you Italian booger."

-

8] "I'm like Siri. Except better looking, smarter, much louder, and not an AI slave to a hegemonic hell-hole that stole the name of one of the best fruits. Like ever."

-

9] "Um, excuse you. I'm not reckless. What 'bout me screams the self sacrifice type?"

-

10] "Hey. Hey! Look at me! That's it ... slow breaths. I've got you. Do you -- you're okay, slowly ... Do you remember what I told you last week? Just nod. I've got you. I've got ya. You remember this? That's my pinky. We pinky promised -- the biggest and most bindable way to lock in a promise, yeah? And you may not know this about me, but I don't make promises that I can't see through. I said you're gonna be okay. And I mean that. I'm gonna make it happen, okay? I'll -- I'm here now and I'll be there at the end. Prommy, prommy, prommy, prommy, pro -- oh, a laugh, huh? Ha. That's what I like hearing. Leave the worryin' to me, dude."

-

11] "If this human version of a mutated ingrown armpit hair follicle don't get up off my face in the next 10, 9, 8, 7, …."

-

12] “Ow! Fudging snowcaps! That bitch hur –” They stopped mid-yelling but simply began complaining underneath their breath.

-

13] "I'm --," Kendis gestured sharply with their right hand as if orchestrating their feelings or encouraging Morgan to jump in. Not that they gave her much of a chance when they quickly added, "You know."

"You're?" Morgan smirked, "You know? I don't think I do."

"Yes. You do."

"Nah, nothing's ringing a bell."

"Well, that's probably all the brain damage you got from the last fight."

"Right. I remember that. The fight where I got stabbed instead of you."

Kendis' nostrils flare and their jaw clenches so tightly Morgan almost feels a sympathy twinge in her own teeth.

-

14]

“Then why won’t you tell me you love me? Maybe a little reward so I can be brave?”

“‘Cause a face full of kisses wasn’t enough? Wow.”

“Sure,  it was nice but this is a big deal. I think I deserve a bigger reward.”

“Aren’t rewards for after you actually do the stuff?”

“You’re right. How about you say ‘I love you’ just because you do!”

“You look cute when you pout an’ you’re gonna be late.”

“Please, Kendis? We’ve been dating for a while now and … That is – Unless – You don’t.”

“I don’t what?”

“You know you are always avoiding it, saying how you feel about me, and you’ve never come close to saying the words .. and sometimes I’ve wondered … I’ve been very patient the last several months –”

“Then keep on with that.”

“Okay. Okay. Kendis. Do you love me?”

“Can we talk about this later? This ain’t as black an’ white as you’re making it look like.”

“But it is.  It is a very black and white question with a very black and white answer. Do you love me?”

“Austyn. Austyn? Stop that! What’re you doin’?  Don’t. You’re – fuckin’ –”

“These are the notes I wrote you. Look at them. Look how far they reach on your floor. Look!”

“No”

“You never even wrote it back. I kept saying it and writing it and you never gave anything back … B-because … because you don’t.”

“I never gave – We’re not doin’ this right now. Again. Why’re you doin’ this right now? We don’t even have the time to really get into -”

“What is there to get into?  It’s yes or no,  Kendis! If you say that, then it will be all settled.”

“Maybe stop cuttin’ me off an’ let me speak.”

“You cut me off first! And don’t you start raising your voice at me!”

“You started that shit first, yourself! What is with you?”

“Why are you acting like I am overreacting? I’m not! It isn’t wrong to want to know whether or not my best friend is in love with me. It isn’t wrong to know if you really see a future with us together or if you’ve been just tagging along because I’m one of the very few other out girls in school.”

“You called me your best friend.”

“What?” 

“You should know how I feel. You say I don’t give you nothin’ back but that’s a damn lie an’ you know it.”

“Then why don’t you say it? I say it all the time!”

“But are you really meanin’ it?”

“Uh - Wha – EXCUSE ME!?!!” 

“Are you? How can I say those words to someone that's not a sure thing? You talk a lot about a future that ain’t here but what you really got to say for the now.”

“Wow. Asshole.” 

“Takes one.”

“Fine. Don’t love me. I think it’s best if we take some space right now and reconsider our priorities.”

“Austyn. I didn’t mean – Austyn this is silly.”’

“Is it?”

“Why're we even doin’ this right now? What about the formal?” 

“Don’t call me unless I call you.”

“Austyn!”

“Don’t.”

“You know what? Fuck you.”

“Apparently not even in the next few months, asshole.”

-

15]

Kendis narrowed her eyes but forced herself to take a deep breath, “You. Bumped into. Me!” Honestly, that was a generous and kind assessment. If Kendis had been human, she doubted she would’ve been able to stand with only a headache and a bad mood to show for it.

“Yeah, because you slowed down when you weren’t supposed to! I was keeping pace with you, speeding by the way, and then allva sudden –”

“I know you’re not blaming me for any of this, let alone your speeding, you Stranger Things reject.”

“Excuse me?”

Kendis felt that anger again – no, they could almost taste it. It was just wafting off the air from the shifter in front of them. It was churning up their stomach like sick, this anger that wasn’t their rage.

It was restless, like her’s was, but was also too hard, too cold.

Not right, not right. The warning blared in Kendis’ gut. Something was off and they needed to leave.

“Don’t!” They warned when the person reached out to grab at them, clearly making Kendis ready to skedaddle. The sharp yell struck out like a roll of thunder, loud and final enough to make this person hesitate, before Kendis’ voice dropped into a growl, “Don’t. Touch. Me.” [x]

[third-doctor]

I think the reason why I feel so strongly about this is I grew up in a white supremacist cult. I only got out because I got out of my small town cult bubble and I was willing to listen to people and learn and change. There's nothing inherently different about me that made me able to break out. I was just willing to listen.

The thing that people miss when talking about this is that white supremacists are people. All of them are people. The woman who told me that being gay was immoral had the most beautiful voice and made the best music and was one of the people who raised me. My father was a piece of shit. He's said awful things about minorities to me and I've chewed him out for it. He's also funny and a great cook and a movie buff. My best friend in high school is one of the kindest people I've ever known. She saved my life and was the first person to show me that I could be loved. I cut her off because she's a missionary and it's still the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Everyone in my online high school was bigoted in some way. We were all various levels of fundamentalist Christians. They were still people with lives and interests and good parts and bad parts and I hope that some of them get out of that mindset. I know some have and I am so proud of them for it.

By treating racism, bigotry, and white supremacy as inherent traits that make someone an irredeemable monster we disregard our own ability to take part in these systems and do harm. It's harder to think that you or your friends could be taking part of this because they're people, they're not like those horrible assholes. They're kind and funny and you love being around them. There's no way that they could cause that kind of harm. There's no way that you can participate in it. And by treating it like an inherent, awful trait you're discouraging people from ever trying to get out of those environments and learn and change.

Everyone has the ability to grow. No one is beyond hope. Anyone can choose to become better, no matter their background. To all the kids who grew up like me and have broken out of it and are actively trying to do better, I love you and I am so proud of you. There's no such thing as good and bad people. There's just people. And what matters is that you're trying today to be better than you were yesterday. The most important step a man can take is the next one.

[badpoliticaltakes]

Hi! Quick questions, what do you think of LGBT+ people and some of the stuff the conservative party says about them? Also, what was the thing/event that made you start leaning more conservative? Thanks!

i've had to cut this down so it isn't like, a 50,000 word essay, but the tldr is i'm not staunchly against LGBTQ+ folks.

I, myself, am bisexual, and am probably far more lenient than most of my conservative peers (likely due to the fact I'm not Christian tbh). There are, as with all things, extreme versions of LGBTQ ideas that I thoroughly disagree with (see rabies-sexual, and auti-gender for example), a sort of middle ground where I don't agree logically but I can deeply empathise with the experience (aspec community, anything outside the gender binary), and then the ideas I have no issue with (gay marriage, binary transition when done by adults). I can go deeply into each of these and my reasons why if anyone would like!

As regards for the conservative party's words (I'm assuming you mean the UK tories btw). I agree with their response to the Cass report (see here), but not with the huge number of tories who were against gay marriage in 2013 (source). Being LGBT+ and conservative are not mutually exclusive, despite what some thing (see here!).

This is actually deeply related to what made me conservative - I identified as transgender (specifically genderqueer) during my teenage years as well as asexual and panromantic, I campaigned hard for LGBT+ rights. I was so frustrated all the time, and so so very scared. I identified this way when I was 12, and built my school's support group, marched in pride events every year, and held so many young queer people when they felt so terrified by the world. I lost friends to this, and I almost killed myself over how so terrified I was, so ashamed and alone even though I was out very visibly. People spat on me, and refused to sit next to me, and assaulted my (also queer) friends.

And then, when I became an adult, my hormones levelled out, and I started getting to know people who viewed the world differently. I stumbled across an interview between Jordan Peterson and Abigail Shrirer, and realised that my emotions had been played on by the media. I was a young, autistic girl, who felt different. And that very normal feeling ended up becoming something I nearly ended my own life over, because I was convinced that the government (and my friends and family) wanted to hurt me.

I spoke to my mother, who had refused to view me as non-binary, and found that I wasn't met with a woman who hated her daughter and wished her dead, but a mother who cried herself to sleep when I asked her if I could have top surgery. A mother who was worried I was being manipulated as a child, and wanted to protect her daughter. (I still disagree with my mother on a number of political issues, but even then she is still the kindest woman I have ever known.)

There are obviously people for whom that feeling isn't just teenage hormones, and they have my deepest empathy because it was such an awful, awful experience, but I firmly believe that there are many young people for whom, like me, the feeling of wanting to rip your breasts off with your bare hands will pass. I know it sounds dismissive, and invalidating, and teen-me would have seethed with rage at who I am now, but I'm truly the happiest I have ever been.

I'm not saying everyone should be conservative, but when you feel like I did, with so much rage, its worth thinking about who's stoking that fire and why.

[littlexredxhoneyxbadger]

How about 14 for the ask game for all of your MCs. ☺️

In reference to this post.

14. "What are your MC's hobbies?" Thank you so, so much for submitting an ask! I've been waiting for an excuse to talk about my brainrot children, and I really appreciate the opportunity to flesh them out. I did my main four, since I haven't really fleshed out or decided everything for Cassie or Chana yet, but I hope you'll enjoy these regardless.

Mary Frances Garratt Collecting rocks. Frances loves her rocks and has been known to skive off and wander off the path to collect them; plants, potions ingredients, and everything in between aren’t far behind. She’s small – barely 5’0 – and can’t swim, but she’ll go waist deep into the nearest body of water at even the slightest chance of finding the specific ingredient she’s looking for.

Beyond that, Frances can also be quite domestic. Her interest in plants, herbs, and potion ingredients transfers over (and primarily comes from) her time in the muggle world. She grew up very Catholic in a household with very traditional gender roles, and after her parents passed, the family she lived with used her primarily for “women’s work” – i.e. being a maid to them, and a nanny to their three children. Frances has a lot of built up anger for ways she was treated by the parents, but loved the children and teaching them things that she was never taught (and had to figure out herself).

Frances isn’t exactly a foodie, though (though she is the anti-thesis of the phrase “never trust a skinny chef”). She likes pastries, and she’s a fiend for most mixtures of sugar and flour, but a lifetime of sensory processing issues (and as a fellow autistic girlie, I sympathize) has left her with more of an enjoyment of the cooking process than eating it. Baking, though? Oh, this girl is definitely the kind of person who would make homemade cookie dough at 2am and eat half of it raw while baking the rest of it.

Fun fact: Mary Frances was named after my paternal great-grandmother, may she rest in peace. She had a 3rd grade education, married at 13, had 7 children, and never learned to read. My grandfather, her youngest child, describes her as the smartest and kindest woman he ever knew.

Esther Han-Ostberg Esther’s the creative one of the bunch. Born deaf, she still enjoys music from the vibrations, but enjoys visual medias far more. She grew up fairly isolated, one might even say a fair bit sheltered, but always found solace in painting, specifically with acrylics because she has exactly zero patience for oils. Poetry is a big one too, since she can’t hear the lyrics of someone singing; for Esther, it was a way to express her thoughts and stories in a slightly unconventional way, as opposed to strictly writing them down.

Stars are an interest of hers as well. Her father, a Swedish muggle, was a geologist who dabbled in some other forms of science, notably astronomy, which was a big part of the way that Esther got her name (which is both Persian and Hebrew for “star”), and though she didn’t have the greatest interest in stars or astronomy as a child, stargazing became a bonding experience for Esther and her father – a way for them to engage in something that didn’t require Esther to hear in order to enjoy, and didn’t require her father to be magical to understand (and especially given astronomy may or may not have been how Esther’s muggle father and witch mother met).

Daniel Harper If ever there was someone to call a horse girl (or boy, in this case), it would be Daniel. Like all of my MCs seem to be, Daniel grew up isolated and was the youngest of six sons born to two magical parents. His father split early on, when Daniel was a toddler, embarrassed at the possibility of having a squib for a son; Daniel’s mother, who wasn’t much better, remarried a wizard named Eric (who again, wasn’t much better), who bred and trained thoroughbred horses for racing and steeplechasing.

There, Daniel found his passion. He was isolated and bullied, in both worlds and by his entire family, but he had the horses, and when he was a pre-teen, he met a palomino filly not expected to survive the night following her birth, and it was there that he found his first love. The palomino, who’s coat color did not make her a particularly sought after item, was allowed to stay on the farm, and from there, Daniel found his best friend.

He named her Naomi, meaning “gentle” and “beauty”, though he chose it less for the meaning or more to make a pun: “NEIGH-oh-mee”.

Daniel trained Naomi all on his own after years of teaching himself how ride, and how to hunt on horseback. He slept in the barn with her and the other horses, was up all hours of the night and day to care for her and the others, and dedicated himself to caring for the creatures that – in his opinion – were nothing more to his family than a means of making money. No respect for the creatures, no love of the breed or sport, only love of the next sale on their mind.

But even years later, as he rides Highwing, he thinks back to his horseback riding and remembers fondly.

Tzipora Strausser Tzipora is a music lover, through and through, specifically piano. Growing up with a deceased mother and a father who toiled away all day as a miner, Tzipora could never have afforded the privilege of hearing music on a daily basis – much less ever learning to play an instrument or owning one.

But one of her earliest memories after her father’s death was at the orphanage that she grew up in. She was only six years old, unable to speak English or Welsh, only German, having immigrated to Swansea from Dusseldorf with her father less than a year prior, and most of the caretakers at the orphanage were at a loss of how to communicate with her. Though Yiddish, which many of them knew snatches of (being an Ashkenazi Jewish orphanage), shared some similarities with Tzipora’s native German, it still wasn’t enough to bridge the gap. The orphanage, run by a rabbi and his wife, was attached to a shul (synagogue), and one of Tzipora’s most vivid memories is of the first time she heard a cantor playing the piano during a Shabbos service. She couldn’t understand the words of the song, but with the notes, she didn’t have to.

After the service, she wandered away from her age group’s caretaker, climbed up onto the bench of the piano, and just started tapping each key to make a sound. When her rabbi approached her and asked her about the piano (in a language she couldn’t understand at the time, Welsh), Tzipora began to cry and thought she was in trouble for touching the piano without permission. However, the rabbi sat next to her on the piano’s bench and wiped her tears away, took her hands, and without a word exchanged between the two, taught her every chord he knew.

Tzipora always wanted to be a cantor or some kind of musician as a child, though cantors were rare in Orthodox Judaism at the time, and female cantors even more so. But even then, everything could change, and she could be sent from foster home to foster home, and then back to the orphanage and onto another foster home, but despite the fluidity and technique of how someone could play a piano, the songs always remained the same, and she knew that she could always find solace in tickling the ivories.

[lestappenforever]

💜🌊🌚🪻(🧡 But only if you comfortable enough)

Thank you so much for these, anon! ❤️

💜 describe yourself in five words or less!

Loyal, kind, altruistic, observant and hardworking.

🌊 a kink you would like to write but you think you’d be judged

I honestly have no shame when it comes to kinks I enjoy, so if I wanted to write a specific type of kink, I would write it.

🌚 a show you’d tell people to stay away from

The Manifest. I watched it when it first came out because I thought the plot seemed exciting as hell. What a waste of time that turned out to be. I kept waiting for it to become good, but it never did.

🧡 what is your sexuality?

I'm bisexual!

I'm putting the last question under a 'Read More' cut because it might be triggering to some people. TW: Mentions of emotional and verbal abuse/terror, trauma, anxiety, despression.

I went to see my doctor the next day and began therapy with an excellent psychiatrist the following week. Two and a half years of weekly therapy sessions later and I'd finally began to properly heal from two+ decades of trauma, and untreated anxiety and depression. I went back to therapy for about 10 months a couple of years after finishing my treatment the first time around, and I'm very proud of the person I have become since.

🪻what is the toughest thing you had to go through, but can say you’ve successfully overcome?

Well, I had to watch my father verbally and emotionally terrorize my mother, threaten to leave her every time they had a disagreement, turn every major holiday into living hell for us all, and completely robbing the kindest, strongest woman I've ever known of every ounce of self-respect, self-worth and confidence she had. When she had finally had enough and left him when I was in my early twenties, it had seriously fucked me up and I had a complete breakdown on my way to uni around 6 months after I moved across the country and was on my own for the first time ever.

Ask game.

[luanna801]

Still looking for prompts? I've been searching for some how Arthur/Jack officially get together sometime post final fight and then getting to be happy <}3

(Anon, I am SO sorry this took so long, but the good news is I got inspired and wrote something much longer for this prompt! I really hope you enjoy it, if you do end up reading it.

You can also read this fic on Ao3, and thank you very much to @myroomismytardis for beta-ing for me!)

----

Jack has been happy for Arthur once, and he can be happy again.

Lady Rosamund is a charming girl, with coppery red hair and a pert smile, and he has no doubt that she will make a lovely Lady Godalming. No doubt, either, that Arthur seems lighter these days. More and more now, he sees Arthur's face lit up with the old warmth of his smile when they're together; hears the deep, rich sound of his laughter at shared jokes. After all the losses Arthur has suffered, it makes Jack's heart ache with joy to see it.

And if Lady Rosamund gives Arthur such felicity, what can he be but happy at that?

"At least we're not courting the same woman, this time!" Arthur says with a grin, and Jack smiles tightly in response. He has no eyes for Lady Rosamund, it's true. More and more, he realises, he has eyes only for the man in front of him.

But Jack has always known of his own abnormality, somewhere deep and unacknowledged. Arthur is quite another matter. Arthur is strong, hale, normal manhood, vital and true, and he must find love with someone who matches him.

And Jack will never be anything but happy for him when he does.

----

Arthur has always been a romantic at heart, quick and fulsome in his love, and so when Jack inquires politely after Lady Rosamund and is told that Art has news, he knows what to expect.

I will be happy for him. I will be happy for him. I will-

"I've broken it off with her," Arthur says, with a quiet shrug of his shoulders.

Jack can feel himself openly gaping, and the expression on his face must be rather comical, because Arthur nearly laughs.

"Is it really so surprising?"

"Well, I thought- the two of you seemed to get along so well-" he stammers.

"We do. I like her very much."

"But then why-"

"Liking and understanding are two very different things," Arthur says simply.

Jack smiles. "Is the lady such a very tough nut to crack, then?"

"No. I am."

Arthur sits down next to him, and the expression on his face is so sombre that the smile abruptly dies on Jack's lips. It's clear that his friend's mind is troubled, but Arthur says nothing more for a few long moments.

"I drove a stake through the heart of the first girl I ever loved, Jack," he says at last, his voice thick with misery. "Who could understand such a thing?"

The true answer, Jack knows, is that there is no understanding it. The sheer horror of the memory defies all logic and understanding, all the more so because it was not enacted by one cold-blooded killer against another, but between the two kindest and sweetest people he has ever known.

He knows this, but he also knows that it isn't the answer Arthur needs, and so he simply takes his friend's hand and grasps it in wordless sympathy.

"Someone will," he promises.

----

The first time they travel together again - hiking through the Scottish highlands, when Arthur manages to tear him from work for a few precious days - Quincey's absence is a constant and tangible thing beside them. Jack continually feels as though he might turn and see him, with his familiar bold strides and eager smile, urging the two of them further and higher. The empty space where he should be is something physical, and the silence without his laughter seems to echo through the mist around them.

Jack knows, without needing to ask, that Arthur feels it too, and when their eyes meet he feels comforted somehow by that silent understanding.

At night, in front of their campfire, they toast to the ones they've lost as they share a flask of wine. The ghosts still seem to linger around them, and yet as the night goes on, Jack finds the sense of melancholy fading. Before long he and Arthur are talking easily, laughing and joking together as they used to in the old days.

No- not quite like the old days, he thinks. Things are still quieter than they used to be, without the brightness of Quincey's presence. And perhaps he and Arthur are quieter too, more weighed down by grief and cares than they were in those days. And yet the easy warmth of each other's company, hearing Art's laughter as the campfire sheds a rosy glow across his face, is as joyful and familiar as it ever was.

As the hours pass by they somehow migrate closer to each other without ever seeming to make a conscious movement, until at last Arthur drops his head against Jack's shoulder and nestles against his side, their bodies fitting seamlessly as their fingers tangle together in their laps.

Jack goes still momentarily, mind racing, but after a brief pause he tightens his hold on Arthur's hand and resumes their conversation. They stay that way as the night lingers on, casually entwined together, reluctantly separating only when it comes time to prepare for bed.

And then Arthur is back at his side again, slipping next to him under the blankets and curling up against him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Jack is acutely aware of the hammering of his heart in the quiet darkness around them, and it brings a flush to his skin to realize that Arthur must be able to feel it, with the two of them pressed so closely together. He almost wonders if Arthur can hear his thoughts as well, because they seem to clamour as loudly as his heartbeat.

Is this something we do now... ?

They've never hesitated to be physical with each other, affectionately clasping hands and squeezing shoulders, sharing occasional embraces. They've even slept in the same bed at times, but never... wrapped up in each other in this way. This feels different somehow, a level of intimacy they've never breached.

After a breathless moment, Jack gives in to temptation and reaches out to run his hand through Arthur's hair, gently combing and twisting the curls around his fingers, and Arthur's answering sigh seems to reverberate against him.

This, too, is something that they never do - or rather haven't done in years, since they were just boys at school together. Long years ago, in a time that felt at once more innocent and deliciously full of possibilities, a time when he didn't understand yet why his heart was pounding as though he was on the edge of doing something forbidden.

He's tempted to ask if Arthur remembers, but to do so feels like a confession he isn't ready to make.

----

After that night, something is indefinably different between them. The touches grow more frequent when they're alone, Art's hands trailing freely across his arms, his waist, the line of his jaw. Jack hesitates at first, uncertain what to make of it, but before long he starts reciprocating in kind.

That isn't even the real difference, though, he thinks. It's something in the very air between them that feels different, somehow comfortably domestic and electrifyingly charged all at once. He does his best to close himself off from the places his mind wanders sometimes when Arthur's hands are on him. Such a thing would not only dishonour Lucy's memory, it would no doubt shock and disgust Arthur himself to even know of such thoughts.

It's merely that Arthur is lonely, he knows, and seeking comfort from a friend as best he can. After all that he's suffered, such a thing is entirely understandable. And how could Jack possibly deny him whatever comfort he has to offer?

----

The only real difference between a madman and a sane one, Jack thinks sometimes, is in knowing which rules cannot afford to be broken.

He has always had his fair share of mad thoughts and madder desires, but he keeps such parts of himself in check, and so the world sees him as a sane man, a respectable one, qualified indeed to guide others from madness to sanity.

They are all raised to understand such rules, written and unwritten, but a madman is one who has lost his ability to understand what the consequences will be for crossing those lines; or else lost his ability to care; or perhaps to control his behavior and choose differently at all.

More and more, Jack wonders if he can truly call himself a sane man anymore.

It makes no difference that whatever is between him and Arthur does not feel like madness, but something utterly natural. Does every madman's lunacy not feel natural to him? Is that not the very essence of what madness is, for the absolutely bizarre to seem normal and logical?

Sometimes he feels himself tipping ever closer to the brink, and he wonders whether some things might be worth breaking the unbreakable rules for, whatever the risk might be.

----

"Do you ever actually play music on this thing?"

Arthur traces his finger along the edge of the phonograph as he peers at Jack curiously, and Jack fights back an inexplicable urge to blush.

"That wouldn't be professional," he mutters. "In an asylum... "

"Nonsense! It would do the fellows good. Music can be used for therapeutic purposes, can't it?"

Jack blinks at him in surprise. "How did you know that?"

"I read things, Doctor." Arthur glares in mock-offense. "I suppose you think I'm good for nothing but deep pockets and a pretty face?"

"It is quite pretty," Jack says, before he can think the better of it.

His gaze drifts back to the phonograph, mulling over the idea. Arthur is perfectly right - the technique has been seeing increasing success at many asylums. Some of Jack's own patients keep musical instruments in their rooms, but he knows that some asylums go even further, having the patients form bands or choirs, or holding concerts for them on occasion.

One particular patient comes to mind, a lanky young man who suffers from hysterical fits. The fits seem to come less frequently when he's calm, Jack has noticed, and he has a pronounced fondness for music. If he brought the phonograph down to the young man's room from time to time, he wonders...

"It's a good idea," he says aloud, turning back to Arthur.

"Is it?" Art positively beams at him. "I'll have to buy you some music, then."

"I do own some," he protests, and promptly regrets it when Arthur takes it as an invitation to start perusing the cylinders on his shelves.

"Oh? Anything good?"

"You know my tastes."

"Yes- it tends to be the musical equivalent of a thundercloud," Arthur teases, before his fingers dart out to grab something off the shelf. "Aha! What have we here?"

He bounds back to Jack's side, evidence in hand and a grin across his face.

"A romantic after all, I see!"

Jack glances down at the damning specimen, and feels a blush start to warm his face again. The cylinder is a recording of the waltz from Sleeping Beauty.

"I'm fond of Tchaikovsky," he offers weakly.

"I'm rather fond myself," Arthur agrees. He busies himself with the phonograph, movements quick and practiced, and a moment later the first powerful bursts of the song fill the room.

A smile lights across Arthur's face at the sound. "It really is incredible, isn't it? Do you remember-"

"The night we saw it together?"

It had been on a trip to St. Petersburg in 1891, and Jack had been enthralled with the ballet from the first chords of the prologue. Almost as enthralled, perhaps, as he had been by the two men sitting on either side of him.

He can't deny that the pleasant memories played a role in his choice to purchase this particular record.

"Yes." There's a wistfulness to Arthur's smile, but something else as well, a lingering warmth that Jack can't quite place. Something that seems to look towards the future as much as the past.

Jack swallows against the sudden thickness in his throat. "I could never forget."

The music slows into gentler, steadier sweeps, and Arthur starts to sway in time with it. "It does make you feel as though you were in a fairytale," he muses, seemingly to himself as much as to Jack. "Dancing in an enchanted castle, or a fairy glen..."

He waltzes around Jack's study, arms held out as though holding an invisible partner, and Jack can't quite hold the smile back as he watches. Art always feels like a fairytale prince come to life, he thinks - handsome and noble and true. And yet he also knows the deep sadness in his friend's heart, the dark places in his mind that no storybook character could fathom.

"You don't have a partner," he objects.

"Ah, but I do!" Arthur waltzes over and sweeps him a courtly bow, graceful and poised as always. "May I be your Prince Désiré, my beauty?"

You always are, Jack thinks, as he slips his hand into Arthur's.

He's never been a naturally graceful dancer like Arthur, and the unfamiliarity of being led in a waltz instead of leading makes it worse, leaving Jack stumbling over his feet and clutching awkwardly at his partner. But Art has no word of complaint, just smiling as he guides them through the steps, until at last Jack relaxes enough to let Arthur whirl them around the room.

It does feel like being in a fairytale - transported to a magical realm where anything is possible and any curse can be broken. Perhaps that's why in this moment he isn't thinking about the propriety of what they're doing, or what it means. He simply enjoys the feeling of being in the arms of the man he loves and imagining a world where his impossible dreams could be real.

It would be easy to blame what happens next on that: to say that he was caught up in a dream or fantasy or the spell of the music. The truth is that it is nothing less than an inevitability.

The music speeds up again, and Arthur spins him out before pulling him close in turn, at a dizzying pace that leaves Jack's heart racing. For a moment they rest against each other like that, and then as naturally as though it were the next move in a memorised series of steps, they lean in together until their mouths meet.

He ought to have been shocked, it will occur to Jack later, but in the moment all he can feel is a sense of joy and relief so intense that his knees almost buckle from it. He clings fiercely to Arthur, the two of them moving eagerly together until they stumble back against the edge of the desk.

Perhaps it's the momentary pain blooming in his hip that brings Jack to his senses, enough for him to finally disentangle himself from Arthur's arms.

"Jack--?"

Arthur stares after him in sudden bewilderment and Jack thinks how beautiful he is in that moment, with his mussed curls and red cheeks and his chest heaving as he catches his breath.

There are a thousand questions that he should ask, Jack knows. Questions about the law and the church and Arthur's legacy. But when he looks at the expression of hope and terror mingled on Arthur's face, he finds himself unable to ask a single one.

Instead he reaches out and takes Arthur's hand in his, and his heart swells as he watches the tension melt from his friend's face. The kiss he presses to Arthur's lips this time is brief and chaste, yet deliberate - a reassurance and an answer.

"Wait here," he says softly, and it must be a statement of Arthur's trust in him that the tension doesn't return, even when Jack turns and walks towards the door.

The lock turns into place with a decisive click.

[ohmotherwhereartthou-if]

Noteworthy Characters

In this journey that you find yourself on, you will meet many people and foes. They will influence the many possible branching paths that you can find yourself on;

Will they be your ally? Will they be your enemy?

Or, will they be your family?

------------

Mother (or Mentor):

[Working to get actual art from commissioned artists, to have her portrait done.]

Evangeline R. Alstone, or June as she prefers to be called, is one of the most beautiful women most will have ever seen. She captures the hearts of many with the most enrapturing azure blue eyes, and her raven black hair.

June has a passion for helping others and a deep empathy for those who are less fortunate, she is often found volunteering at shelters, churches, any any kind of charity event. As fate would have it, it was in fact during one of her volunteering visits, that she came across a young child who was starving and alone on the streets. With very little hesitation, June took the child under her wing, nursed them back to health and brought them home with her.

From that day on, June devoted herself to providing that child with a warm and loving home, as well as an education and a sense of family. She poured all of her energy into nurturing that child and watching them grow into a confident and successful young adult. Growing so close that the child even calls her either their mother or beloved mentor.

Despite the joy she found in caring for them, June knew that she couldn't stay in one place forever. She had her own reasons and duties that she knew she just couldn't ignore.

So, one day, she disappeared just as suddenly as she had appeared, leaving the child with a an empty home in their name and the bittersweet memory of a woman who had changed their life forever... Unknowing to the great lengths that child would go to in order to be reunited with her again.

In the words of the Traveler: "Your mother/mentor... the very image of a gentle and beautiful soul. She has the kindest heart I've ever known... and has not lost the habit of collecting strays, it seems. She appeared suddenly in your life to save you from certain death, she gave you a home, an education and a family. It would also seem like she disappeared just as mysteriously, all without a trace. Well, rest assured that I will be helping you in your search, just be aware that we won't be the only ones dead set on finding her..."

The Traveler:

(Traveler's face will shift and change as the story goes on, she tends to stick with certain features so you recognise her but it is not consistent) Link

The Traveler is a woman of a mysterious nature and unknown origin. Though, she tends to hint that she was born into a family of scholars who valued knowledge and exploration above all else. And that from a young age, she was taught to appreciate the histories of the world and to always seek out new experiences. Which has lead her to be very well read and traveled, seemingly knowledgeable in a vast many things.

Although she doesn't speak on it much, she is actually on a journey of her own, wandering the lands and seas of the Broken Isles in search of something as well. It seems lucky that her and The Orphan's goals seem to coincide, on top of that, she somehow seems to known June personally...

The Traveler has become a master of many languages and is a keen observer of human nature. She has honed her many different skills and is adept in means of strategy, secrecy, and survival, and earned a reputation as a wise and elusive figure, who could appear out of nowhere and disappear just as quickly.

But despite her many accomplishments and her vast knowledge, the Traveler remained humble always eager to learn more. She believes that true wisdom can only be gained through experience and that there was always more to discover about this world and its people.

Rey Abraham:

[Working to get actual art from commissioned artists, to have his portrait done.]

Rey Abraham Camacho was born into a lower class Castellion family in the outskirts of Castellio's capital city, Cortamez. As a child, he had to work hard alongside his parents to make ends meet, later even having to leave his home and family behind as he was sent off to Romadi’s Luogo Di Servizio for the mandatory labour service that every young Castellion had to undergo.

However, he never lost his strong sense of determination, ambition and sheer hard headedness. As despite the lack of a formal education, Abraham was a voracious reader with an appetite for learning, a strong interest in history, and a natural talent at military tactics.

It was also during his youth that he met the a young Romandi boy, a boy who would grow to become an Archon, Christopher Da Vis. A Romandi commoner like him, and through their shared hardships of working tirelessly with little reward, they quickly became close friends. They both shared a common dream and vision of changing the corrupt governance of their own respective countries, as they spent many nights discussing their ideas and forming a plan of action.

When they were both old enough, Abraham and Christopher rallied the oppressed people of Castellio starting with the ones living in Luogo Di Servizio to overthrow the Acosta family, who had ruled with great cruelty and an iron fist for generations. It was a bloody revolution, but ultimately a successful one. As the common people agreed that the best person fit to rule would be none other than young Abraham, the one who had started it all.

He was then crowned Rey and his family was named as the next Familiar Monarchy, marking the end of the Acosta rule and beginning the reign of the Camacho Familion.

With Rey Abraham at the helm, Castellio underwent a massive reformation, purging corruption and implementing much-needed reforms. Rey Abraham's values of family, self-reliance, faith, honor, and loyalty were further instilled in the renewed Castellion culture. 

He fortified the teachings of the [Placeholder Name] Bible, believing that a strong faith would lead to a strong people. He also strengthened Castellio's military presence, believing that a strong military was necessary to protect the country from any invading force.

Despite what some might call "radical" methods, Rey Abraham's reforms have been widely accepted by the people of Castellio. He has earned their loyalty and respect, and they see him as a fair and just ruler. His close working relationship with Archon Christopher and Romandi has also ensured the safety and prosperity of Castellio.

Archon Christopher:

[Working to get actual art from commissioned artists, to have his portrait done.]

Archon Christopher's came from humble beginnings as a commoner, born and raised in Romandi's most impoverished location, Luogo Di Servizio. Growing up, he had a strong sense of justice and compassion for those who were oppressed. Of which he developed by witnessing the harsh living conditions of the lower Romandi class in his hometown and the forced immigrant workers of Castellio. He found solace in making friends with the Castellion children who were sent off to perform mandated stewardships in Luogo.

It was there that he met Abraham, a young hot-headed boy who was always there to back him up in a fight; they quickly became friends. Christopher's kind and empathetic nature helped to calm Abraham's impulsive one; or at times encouraged it, depending on the circumstance.

The two of them spent countless nights envisioning how they could make the world they lived in a better place.

Christopher's influence and leadership grew as he included other children in their conversations, and soon, he slowly became a symbol of hope for the mistreated youths of Luogo.

As they grew older, Christopher and Abraham continued to discuss their dreams and aspirations for a better world. They both came to realize that a revolution was necessary to overthrow the tyrannical overseers that oppressed both of their people, and they began to rally Romadians and Castelliones alike to join their cause.

Christopher married his childhood sweetheart Roxanna, and together, they fought for the revolution. With best friend and chosen brother Abraham at his side, Christopher led the charge to overthrow the corrupt rulers and bring peace and prosperity to Romandi. He was crowned the 64th Archon and made Roxanna his queen.

As Archon, Christopher introduced an era of prosperity to Romandi. Art, music, food, drink, and fine crafts flourished under his rule, and he made great efforts to maintain a balance of peace between the different social classes. His greatest dream is to build n education system that would provide learning opportunities to everyone who wishes to learn, regardless of their social class or financial status. He believes that everyone deserves a chance to learn and grow, and that education is the key to a better future.

Christopher's warm heart and love for learning have led him to adopt the ideology of seeing the best in everyone. He is a fair ruler who tries his best to understand and empathize with the needs and concerns of his people. His kind and compassionate nature has won him the love and respect of his subjects, and he is best known by his title given to him after winning the war for the freedom of the weak in Romandi; "The Champion Of The People".

[deafarcher]

🔪 for the eulogy my muse would give for yours.

👪 for what my muse would say to your muse’s child about them..

the eulogy:

"How do you write an eulogy for a woman who was cursed with immortality? Especially since I still half expect her to come back to life like she normally does."

Clint pauses to blink back tears.

"She's the most selfless person I've ever known, a true hero."

He breaks down, unable to continue.

what clint would say to morgan's child (james) about her:

"Mama is the fiercest, kindest person, my son. She saved my life when she was just seven years old."

Clint then proceeded to to recount the story of how he and Morgan had met in suitably dramatic fashion for a five year old.

@icouldkillyouwiththistray

[hereformytaylor]

This amazing woman you see now called Taylor Swift but some people called her the music industry. Taylor is not only a singer she is my anchor and my home, she is my safe haven and the place my heart and mind choose to escape to every day for 11 years. Taylor doesn't even know I exist and I've never gotten a notification from her but that hasn't stopped me from being there for her 365 days a year for 11 years. I support her because I love her and because I am proud of her. I'm there for her because I'm proud to be a Swiftie and I just don't need anything back from her. Taylor is all my tears, all my happiness and the source of almost all my smiles. I have never met someone who would make my heart fall in love like this. My biggest dream is to meet her and tell her I want to work with her, writing songs with her. I went through a difficult bullying as a little girl and this bullying has left me with scars until today , but Taylor heals every drop of pain left from it. She was there for me during the hardest times of my life and she will never even know how grateful my heart is for her . It is a love that cannot be explained in words. I want to give her a long hug that I will know that I am fulfilling my dream and I will let this moment be etched in my memory for life. I have never enjoyed supporting a person as much as I do her. Being a Swiftie is more than just a title, it's part of my personality. She once said that the most lovely thing she's been told is that she's generous, but that just shows me how humble she is and how much she doesn't understand what magic she has. She is truly the kindest person I have ever known and she will always be my role model. I always thought that giving someone the title "Idol" is a huge and big thing, people don't understand the magnitude of this word, but when Taylor came into my life, this word seemed to me to be the most perfect for her. She is my idol. I love you forever Taylor.

@taylornation @taylorswift

[sapphic-swiftie13]

As it was

Looking over at the woman on the opposite side of the table was impossible. You didn't understand how she could do this, or why, for that matter. Your mind was clouded, and the fog never seemed to pass as you stared at how her fingers tapped on the wood.

Nothing about this made sense. It didn't seem real. You thought back on everything that had happened. Buying an apartment together, her getting pregnant, the accident, the day everything went downhill. It all felt like some sort of sick joke.

You felt someone nudge your shoulder, making you look up. "What?" you asked slightly confused. The man beside you only cleared his throat. He looked quite handsome, clean shaven, short black hair, and not to mention a ring on his finger. He must have been one of the lucky ones in this world.

He had a woman to go home to, unlike you.

You looked good, given the circumstances, but the ring on your finger didn't mean anything, not anymore. It was a painful reminder of how everything had gone to shit.

Not daring to look at her, your eyes landed on the man beside her.

He flashed you a smile, but you couldn't return it. You were too sad.

You glanced at her, and her eyes were already on you, making you look away in an instant.

Never in your life had you heard silence quite this loud.

It was strange, to say the least. But it was the reason to why you were in this room, with lawyers trying to keep the peace between the two of you.

Whenever you two were alone, you'd argue. To be honest, you didn't believe you could ever have a normal conversation with her ever again.

The fighting and bickering had gone on for far too long. Trying to repair it only made it worse. It made the wedge between the two of you painfully clear.

You told your family for a reason; you couldn't keep it in.

Your sibling even splashed out on the bottle.

Everyone thought you were going to make it, that you both were in it for the long run.

But it wasn't so.

You had nothing bad to say about her, you couldn't even blame her.

Not once did you doubt your relationship, because you had given it your all, you were patient with her, gave her love and affection, and space when needed, but still it wasn't enough. The effort you put in was simply not enough to make her stay.

Hearing the scribbling of a pen made you anxious. She was signing the papers. It felt like someone was repeatedly kicking your stomach, you felt the need to throw up. You needed to get out of there.

Abruptly standing up, holding a hand in front of your mouth said it all. All eyes in the room landed on you as you turned around.

"Where do you think you're going?" her low and raspy voice spoke out.

"I can't just sit here and watch you sign the...." you answered, but couldn't finish the sentence as your voice broke, then you opened the door and walked out. You leaned against the wall, tears streaming down your face. From the inside you heard a chair scraping the floor, and soon enough the door opened.

"Are you okay?" your lawyer asked you, while you were obviously not okay at all.

"Does it fucking look like I'm okay?" you practically yelled at him.

"I had it all! I was happily married to the kindest woman I've ever known. We bought an apartment and moved in together. Before we knew it, we tried for a baby, reciprocal IVF was a lifesaver, we could both be biological parents to our unborn child," you yelled at him as people around you turned their heads in your direction.

"She was three months pregnant when a drunk driver drove into the side of her car while she was driving home from work! Not only did I lose a child, but now I'm losing the love of my life!" you went on, screaming your head off at him.

"Do you get that? Do you understand what I'm going through? And then you have the fucking nerve to ask if I'm okay! What the fuck is wrong with you?" you screamed, wanting to punch his teeth in.

"I don't want your fake niceties, I want you to be my fucking lawyer, you deal with the papers and the legal shit, if I wanted to talk about my feelings, emotional damage and trauma then I'd get a fucking therapist-" you kept screaming but were cut off by Florence yelling from inside the room, "that's quite enough!"

You instantly went quiet. She had that effect on you. No matter what, you'd eventually end up listening to her. Her being mad was something you liked; it was attractive. It was something you always had loved about her, especially to be the reason she was mad, but now it was different.

It wasn't something playful, or funny, something to look back at and laugh about. It was just her stopping you from embarrassing yourself even more. The divorce was humiliation enough.

Soon enough you sat down again, wiped your tears, and took a deep breath. She had already signed the papers. You knew what was about to happen.

Sliding the papers over to you with her famous frown plastered on her face, you knew this hurt her just as much as it hurt you.

You stared at her signature. Then the pen she had used that was on top of the divorce papers.

Once again, all the eyes in the room had landed on you, everyone was waiting for you to sign the papers and get it over with.

But you didn't. You simply looked at the papers but couldn't pick the pen up.

"Just sign the damn papers," Florence said, and you heard her lawyer hush her.

"What? She doesn't have a choice, and the longer she makes us wait, the harder it becomes!" she followed up, getting more upset.

"I don't want to sign the papers, Florence..." you whispered.

"I understand that... but we can't stay married," she said lowly.

"Why not?"

"Because we fight! It's all we do! Nothing is as it was."

"We can't turn back time, Florence... no matter what we do, it'll never be the same. It doesn't mean we should just give up on each other."

"Well, I gave up on myself a long time ago," she answered.

"I never gave up on you," you argued, as both of your lawyers' exchanged looks.

"It wouldn't have been fair to stay with you when I had already given up, I had to make a choice... I couldn't put you through any more pain than I had already caused you," she stated.

"It wasn't your choice to make!" you yelled at her.

"You can't choose if I want to stay with you or not! That's my decision to make!" you went on, getting more upset.

"Is this better? To argue about everything and nothing at all?" she asked, frowning.

"I'd rather argue than to lose you. Besides, we can work things out."

Both of your lawyers seemed to get an actual understanding of why she had filed for a divorce. Your lawyer leaned backwards in his chair, and her lawyer scratched his beard, trying to get time to pass.

"Please just... sign the papers," she pleaded, but you refused.

"No, not now, I can't."

"If you don't then you never will!" she raised her voice at you.

"Okay, let's just take a deep breath, both of you!" her lawyer said, trying to calm the two of you down.

"I know you! If you put this off again then we'll stay married forever!" she went on, getting annoyed.

"Exactly, you know me! Why throw that away?!" you asked, getting annoyed too.

"For fuck's sake, sign the damn papers, and even though I know you doesn't mean we're good for each other!"

"Look at yourselves, you both need to take a step back here!" your lawyer said, trying to stop the argument.

"Wow... great. Just decide that too, Flo, like you decide everything else!" you said, standing up and sliding the papers over to her side of the table again.

Then you walked out of the room and slammed the door behind you. The people that had watched you lose your calm just moments before, had their eyes glued to you once again. You walked away, down the hallway, and found the restroom.

Your hands rested on one of the sinks as you tried to calm yourself down. Then the doors opened. You knew who it was.

Her presence could never go unnoticed.

"I thought... that I should check up on you..."

"That's nice of you... after like what, eight months or so?"

"Oh, come on."

"Do you know how hard I tried to make sure you were okay? That you had someone to talk to, or someone who could just listen, or to just simply be there whenever you needed anything?"

She was silent.

"I slept in a chair for weeks, as you had to stay glued to that hospital bed. I kept the press away from everything, from the accident, the baby, and you in critical condition..."

"I didn't get to grieve, Florence! Our baby... he was going to be such a cute little man. I can't stop imagining how he'd look, if he would have brown or blonde hair, your eyes or mine, but goddamn I wish he'd have your button nose..." you said as your voice was breaking.

"You don't know if it was going to be a boy..." she said softly.

"I had a feeling, okay..."

"Okay," she whispered, as she walked over to you, hugging you from behind.

The feeling of her hands on you again made you shiver, but soon enough you leaned into her touch.

"I'm sorry..." she whispered. "I'm sorry... that I forgot that I wasn't the only one who lost something that day..."

You slowly turned around, letting her arms wrap around your waist. "I'm sorry for everything... I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you..." she whispered and kissed your forehead.

Sometimes things happen way too fast. One minute you were trying to calm yourself by the sink, the next minute she hugged you, kissing your forehead, and now she clashed her lips onto yours. You didn't even realize when it all had started to happen. Her hands tugging at your hair as she pressed her body against yours.

Anyone could come in at any moment, but you didn't care, and it seemed like she didn't care either. She pushed you up against the wall, like she couldn't get enough of you.

You were completely lost in the moment, lost in her, the smell of her perfume, the warmth of her touch, and her rough fingertips tracing your skin.

She held you against the wall, kissing your neck.

Before you could react, her hands were in your underwear. Slightly moaning as she stimulated your clit, you put a hand over your mouth, trying to stay quiet, knowing anyone could enter the restroom at any moment.

She didn't even consider the danger. Two celebrities fucking in a bathroom after it was well known that they were leaving each other. But at this moment you didn't give a shit about anything. All that mattered was how she made you cling to her.

This is how you and Florence forgave each other. Her pleasuring you in a public restroom.

As you were getting closer to your orgasm, your legs slowly started to give out. You nuzzled your face in the crook of her neck, tugging at her short blonde hair, placing sloppy kisses and love bites on her skin, leaving small bruises on her skin.

You were quietly whining as she added more pressure. A guttural moan left your lips as the door was flung open; you came undone on her hand as you grinded down on her palm. Looking over her shoulder, moaning and panting, as she rode out your high you could see a woman standing there with her mouth wide open, and a little girl beside her that didn't understand what was happening before her.

The woman quickly placed her hand in front of the child's eyes and just stood there, dumbfounded.

You and Florence started laughing, both of your faces colored in a red flush.

Then she quickly zipped up your pants and went to wash her hands in the sink.

"You're Florence Pugh, right? And oh my god, you're her wife, or ex-wife?"

"Yup," Florence answered her, "something like that..."

You only stood there trying to wrap your head around this crazy event.

Instead of closing the door, she had stood there watching as you came on Florence's hand. What a messed-up world you lived in.

When Florence had washed her hands, she grabbed yours and pulled you towards her. "Come here..." she said while smirking and pressed a kiss to your lips.

Then she wrapped one arm around your waist and started making her way to the door.

"Can I get an autograph?" the woman asked, like nothing had happened.

"You don't want an autograph when you know where this hand has just been," Florence answered her cheekily.

"But you just washed your hand..." the woman argued, but Florence and you only walked past her, laughing as you walked down the hallway, back to your lawyers.

Opening the door, your lawyers seemed to have caught on as she held around you.

"So... no divorce then?" they asked in unison.

Florence only grabbed the papers and ripped them in two pieces. "No, these papers are addressed to the fire," she answered, while throwing them in the trash, and then she proceeded to take out a cigarette from her pocket and put it between her lips.

Then she took out her lighter and lit her cigarette, and her lawyer tried to stop her.

"You can't smoke in here!"

But she didn't care. She took a drag of her cigarette and dropped the lighter into the trash. "Hope you have a fire extinguisher nearby," she said and chuckled as the divorce papers were swallowed by the flames.

The two men ran out of the room, and you followed them, soon enough they put the small fire out and you left the building hand in hand.

Shortly after, the fact that you had been caught fucking in the restroom, saved your marriage and burned your divorce papers were splashed on the news front page.

All you knew and expected was that it never would be as it was.

I laughed during the smut scene loool and yes, while writing the smut I thought about The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo and if you haven't read the book, then you're missing out and need to buy it and read it as fast as humanly possible!!! 

[the-chaos-crew]

FOR REAL it's straight up just black and white thinking. all I ever hear or see is about how awful men are especially people's dads, which of course I don't doubt and won't play down, but it's to a point where they paint men as purely bad, and women especially the women in their life as purely good. black and white thinking. and because those people cannot comprehend a girl/woman (as much as I hate that) transitioning into a boy/man which in their view are Evil and Bad, they continue to view or hold us to the standard of the Good and Pure women we once were or were perceived as. but that isn't true, no woman is perfectly pure and no man is perfectly vile.

it makes me upset because my life is just the complete opposite of these black and white expectations. people are SHOCKED to hear that my dad is the sweetest, kindest, gentlest man in a 1k mile radius, because that alone flips their black and white world view on its head. and it's a double whammy when they hear about the horrendous shit my mom pulled because in their view, that is only stuff a Man would do because Men are Evil, no woman would EVER do something like that!!!! well guess what she did. my parents are the complete opposite of the expectation and it SHATTERS these people's views and that's how you get people just utterly HATING my entire existence, both as a girl and as a man, as a disabled person and as a C-PTSD survivor because all of those factors and the conditions and context behind them challenges this black and white thought of Men Bad Women Good so hard it's near impossible to cope with.

they're already afraid of my conflicting and world view challenging existence, so when I act like a person and not just a concept of a person to be angry about, woof. people can't handle it. I had a girl lash tf out on me about everything about me because I made a mistake she deemed a Bad Man mistake rather than just a normal human mistake. she tried shoving me back into the closet to get me to "behave" or else I'm "just like every man I've known" which was funny to me since every man in my life is kind but her point was to be mean because being a Man to her was equal to being the Worst Human Imaginable

people CANNOT handle other experiences and existences that challenge their world view, especially when their world view is monochrome and extremist

It's so weird to me that Trans men and trans mascs are expected to be "better than cis men", because we lived (or still have to live) as women.

Like, JK Rowling is an awful person who is a woman. Both Nicki Minaj and Colleen Hoover defend their rapist family members . I shouldn't expect either of these people to be good people based off their gender and lived experiences because they are people and they're just as capable of being awful like everyone else. Terfs aren't suddenly devoid of being victims of misogyny when they spew terf shit.

So tell me why, trans men and mascs are held to this standard? Why must we do our best to be perfect little ken dolls while the rest of you get to be people?

You can argue this about us being demonized too but Im not gonna go into that today.

[missmisery444]

part i: yesterday

i remember crying inside of my mothers red hatchback when i was six. i was in the passenger seat, holding a balled up, now tattered and wet piece of tissue paper i had picked up from inside the dusty cup holder. the windows were down, the ac was on and the wind was hitting my face ever so slightly that it made my hair stick to my skin which was red and wet and salty with tears. the blaring October wind and the resulting engine noise from the bold 'eighty' on the speedometer were the only sounds i could hear, other than my own sobs and heartbeats and missed breaths. i'd just had the worst day of my life (the first of many to come. i'll always remember this like yesterday because the reason i had cried was the very reason i still cry today). my mother looked at me with an alien expression on her face because i was her good, pleasant, well-mannered child who never questioned authority and was never ever sad. i had cried once before when i had thrown up all over my shirt on the first day of school (it was my favourite shirt). she told me things she thought i wanted to hear (she is the strongest and weakest, kindest and cruelest woman i have ever known and i'm afraid i'm growing up to be just like her) i refused to tell her why i was crying, continually clutching onto the ball of tissue in my hands and wiping my face into my wet hands (my hands get wet whenever i feel something)

second grade was hard when you didn't have friends (i had tried so hard to be liked because i didn't like myself). i'd had yet another day with all of my feelings disregarded (i would grow up to find out that my feelings will always be disregarded) i couldn't figure out what i had done wrong. i had been perfectly inviting, brought up things other girls in my class always talked about ("i want the barbie dream house SO BAD"), i would do whatever i was asked to do and never questioned them. i don't know what they wanted (six year olds are evil).

but it was kind of complicated. it wasn't that i didn't have friends. i had friends. the kind that would sit with you in the cafeteria. the kinds that would invite you to their birthday party and save you a seat in the auditorium. but i was never the friend they talked about all day. never the friend that was picked first in a group project. never the friend that was invited to all the sleepovers. never that friend they voluntarily called and hung out with.

i grew up feeding on that feeling. i hated feeling unimportant but yet it gave me comfort. i was unfamiliar to the idea of unconditional love and i craved it so much i would drain every drop of blood in my body in exchange for one look of love where i was the first choice; but i ran away every time i was glanced at with even the littlest of feeling.

i am a paradox. i want to be happy but all i do is think of things that make me sad. i have the most vivid dreams and ambitions, but i can't find myself doing anything to achieve them. i don't like myself but i also don't hate myself. i crave attention but i reject it when it comes my way. i am a conflicted contradiction and i wish i was anyone but myself.

part ii: today

i am the most devastated woman in the corner of the classroom. i have friends and they promise they love me but i still find myself asking them if they lie to me because they pity me and the terrible place inside my mind. i suppose i am still the happy child my parents have known. i suppose i cry more often now (it's not like they know that). i suppose i watch that one scene in lady bird and destroy my insides every time ("i wish that you liked me.""of course i love you""but do you like me"). i think i am tired of being the second choice but yet not exhausted so i will bear with this feeling for a little longer. i suppose i laugh more too now; its probably because i've become used to the pain of loneliness now. i feel incomplete without the pain. pain is inherent and it is a part of my body as much are my hands and my head. pain is my friend and it sits by the window sill as it admires my pathetic face every time i wake up and prepare myself to have the same day that i've had for the past four years.