#but she isnt a monk shes a wizard or an artificer

[brokenhardies]

its only just come out as a trailer but i have an idea for a ravening war oc (also my timeline will be a bit funky bc i haven't caught up on a crown of candy just yet lol)

noir réglisse of house black (she/they) is a noble from the kingdom of candia, ruled by king jaidan of house rocks. house black is rather small, only made up of noir and their extended family, with her father being a distant relative of king jaidan (very distant, they aren't cousins like duke joren)

during the ravening war, she became a thief and assassin for house rocks under princess sapphira's tutelage. in my head she is a arcane archer fighter/mastermind rogue, but ill decide on classes when the levels for this campaign come out!

[knwtqm]

Greetings fellas, I have you some gay au deff crack idea.

✨Dungeons and Dragons/Willow AU✨

Kit: Rogue/Fighter

-We know she's pretty sneaky and all that stuff bc she escaped from her manners lessons all the time

-Good with swords AND bows (daggers seem to fit her naturally)

-Artefacts, strength and abilities

-A champion, shield, sword. Willow said that himself

-Chaotic neutral.

-The party member who is the 40% of the time causing troubles, 40% solving those troubles and 20% getting on the others memebers´ nerves

Jade: Ranger/Blood hunter

(IK how sounds but)

-Rangers "warrior who combats threats on the edge of the civilization" AKA Bone Rivers

-Blood hunters "adept warriors have forged themselves into a potent force dedicated to protecting the innocent" AKA Shining Legion

-”Blood hunters are clever warriors driven by an unending determination to destroy evils old and new. Armed with rites of secretive blood magic and a willingness to sacrifice their own vitality and humanity for their cause, they protect the realms from the shadows—even as they remain ever vigilant against being drawn to the darkness that consumes the monsters they hunt.” hear. me. out.

Graydon: Bard/Druid

-don't tell me that you can't see him taking animal form and using nature force as his main force

-HIS FLUTE

-He would know how to make these two classes work, as multiclasses or individually would adapt at him perfectly

-Neutral good.

-Smart but so insecure that he goes unnoticed

-But in really, really for real, important moments he contributes with his half braincell.

Boorman: Rogue/Barbarian/Monk

-He was prisoner for a very long time, he definitely trained his body way more deeply, reaching for new techniques and forms

-The Bone Rivers in some point teaching him sum that got him EVEN deeper in physical-mental-spiritual strength

-He's canonically sneaky (but still will enter a room by kicking the door) trickster, and very good at detecting traps.

-He have been in so many places and he definitely learned a little about a lot of things in every place he went

-The barbarian part is even needed to explain??

-If there is a crash, is a Boorman near

-Chaotic neutral, depends where are Scorpia and his kids

Elora: Sorcerer (maybe artificer multiclass)

-Was BORN with the magic, as a gift or bloodline, she would be a sorcerer canonically.

-The only time she readed a magic book was when Graydon was dying

-Then not ever once again Elora was sighted less than two foots away from a study book

-Spelcaster, uses an artifact (wand) to conduct her magic, BUT also manipulates it directly with her bare hands.

-Chaotic good

-The chiller, reckless and not so bookworm version of the common wizards.

-Like, imagine a shortgun that works with recolcted magic from another moment, so when she´s running out of energy she could just boom boom her enemies

Willow: Sorcerer

-He did born with magic in him but was limitated until tha things happened and he became the great sorcerer.

-Even tho he reads about magical stuff and all the ways to i, he didnt learned magic, he was born with it.

-This isnt even an option actually, lfmao.

-Lawful good

-Permanetly at least one and half braincell of the party.

Airk: Bard secondly fighter. Not virseversa.

-He isint the most calm person but he is way chiller than Kit when it comes to opposing their mother´s choices.

-True neutral

-He havent tried too hard to please the expectations, then he was free most of the time.

-Yes he is a very good swordsman but he cannonly prefers to roll up in the grass with flowers and eating muffins.

-Still enjoying the spars and all that, tho.

-That party member that wont shut up and will mansplain the way out of the troubles

-He and Kit caused the trouble, if not, it was them with stupidity extensions

-If words don't work he will hit yall with his freaking massive ukulele. Or ch0ke them with a necklace.

[isaacathom]

for my own amusement, and bc i just said florian shouldve been a paladin, im gonna take my major ttrpg ocs and say which 5e subclass theyd be for each class, for fun. for vibes. some of them have canon for this already but lets vibe.

Naielle Odelia (DND 5E - Celestial Warlock)

Artificer - Probably Alchemist, due to the healing benefits suiting her. The alternative would be Artillerist, leaning into the Sylvian army's use of firearms.

Barbarian - lord. uh. christ. Ancestral Guardian or Storm Herald, depending on vibes. Storm Herald would particularly be doing Sea environment. AG has more of the support vibe im used to for her.

Bard - Lore. Lore. It's Lore. she's a fucking historian, of course its Lore.

Cleric - Light Cleric. I'd say Knowledge but her campaign has a knowledge cleric and its not quite the vibe.

Druid - Stars. Without question or contest.

Fighter - Arcane Archer. Can't really justify that i just think it suits her alright. she doesn't fit str-based builds like rune knight

Monk - Astral Self, OR Sun Soul. But probably Astral Self. i know thats not astral as in stars but its got the vibe for me.

Paladin - Devotion or Watchers. Paladins get so little in the way of subclass stuff tha its not that big a thing, but i think those are in her vibe space.

Ranger - Horizon Walker. yea.

Rogue - Inquisitive, or maybe Phantom.

Sorcerer - Divine Soul.

Warlock - Celstial (thats just canon)

Wizard - ,,, euuhhhh. Abjuration or Evocation. Maybe Conjuration.

Florian de Kasimir (TWTRPG - Man-at-Arms)

Artificer - Armorer. yeah. sure.

Barbarian - Berserker

Bard - Swords, or possibly Valor. Mostly Swords, though. he did strictly learn fencing at one point, which feels on brand

Cleric - War. yeaahh

Druid - oh god. uhhhhhh. this ones tough. Moon or Wildfire. Leaning Wildfire.

Fighter - Samurai. This is not the intuitive pick for him (that would be Champion, or BattleMaster), but i think it works for him. he's a very honorable sort. (this is his 5e conversion)

Monk - hmmmmm. Kensei, probably. Drunken Master, maybe.

Paladin - A couple of options here. Crown, Redemption, or Vengeance. I lean lightly to the latter two, and maybe specifically Redemption for certain thematic reasons

Ranger - Hunter. dunno what to tell ya

Rogue - ah, the stealthiest man alive. Swashbuckler. Maybe Scout, but probably Swashbuckler. just hit them.

Sorcerer - oh boy. Pure magic classes are complicated to assign to this guy (noted as the sole non-magic guy in his campaign by the end). Storm or Wild.

Warlock - NOT Hexblade, funnily enough. Undying. I've explored this before.

Wizard - see sorc. uhhhhhh Bladesinging, Evocation, or War. this is an awful class choice for him though

Zimri Maier (PF 1E - Magus)

Artificer - Battle Smith

Barbarian - Storm Herald

Bard - Notwithstanding the fact Charisma is Zimri's dump stat, Swords or Lore

Cleric - Knowledge. or Arcana or Tempest

Druid - not their vibe at all, which is weird for someone who turns into a bird. Land, either Forest or Mountain.

Fighter - Eldritch Knight OR Psi Warrior

Monk - ???? uhhh Four Elements or Kensei

Paladin - Glory, i think. Hard to say.

Ranger - ????? Beast Master? Hunter? Monster Slayer? truly unknowable.

Rogue - Arcane Trickster, or Inquisitive. maaaaaybe Soulknife

Sorcerer - Storm or Wild. Have i mentioned zimri does lightning magic

Warlock - Great Old One or Hexblade

Wizard - Bladesinging (Their 5e conversion uses this)

Devin Ellir (DND 5E - Inquisitive Rogue/Whispers Bard*)

Artificer - You've no idea how mad I am that Alchemist doesnt do poisons. truly, what the fuck. why isnt there a poison based artificer subclass. anyway, Artillerist.

Barbarian - lord. uh. Ancestral Guardian or Totem Warrior (Eagle)

Bard* - Whispers :) Despite the order listed above, this is actually her higher-level class, she's just a rogue first for reasons. (*She never actually hit a high enough level to use Whispers features)

Cleric - Trickery or Death.

Druid - oh boy. Spores or Moon, i think. Spores has a Vibe to it.

Fighter - uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh . Psi Warrior, Eldritch Knight, or Echo Knight, in that order.

Monk - Long Death or Shadow.

Paladin - Conquest or Glory.

Ranger - Gloom Stalker or Fey Wanderer. I like the fey for her more theatrical vibes, and gloom for her machination shit

Rogue* - Inquisitive! That's canonc (*She never hit a high enough level to use any of the inquis features, lmao)

Sorcerer - Aberrant Mind or Shadow Magic! I like Aberrant, that seems fun. is her vibe coming across yet

Warlock - ooooh. great question. so many suit her here. Archfey or Great Old One, ill say. Maybe Geenie (Efreeti).

Wizard - I hate assigning Wizard subclasses. Enchantment or Illusion.

There are others (Calvyre Dusthar, a 5E Echo Knight/Trickery Cleric, or Viorica Dalca, a PF2E Spirit Instinct Barbarian) but at this point they got played only 3 or so times and its harder to define. waaa.

anyway out of that, most popular subclasses from my group at Artillerist Artificer, Ancestral Guardians + Storm Herald Barbarian, Lord + Swords Bard, no Cleric (no subclass more than once!!), Moon Druid, Eldritch Knight or Psi Warrior Fighter, Kensei Druid, Glory Paladin, Hunter Ranger, Inquisitive Rogue (with 3! wow), Storm + Wild Magic Sorcerer, Great Old One Warlock, and Evocation + Bladesinging Wizard. fun! :)

[gendiegremlin]

ok i've figured out what i want everyone to be. races and classes will be above the cut and explanations will be under the cut so this isnt a horrendously long post

nastya - elf, battle smith artificer

ivy - kenku, diviner wizard

raphaella - aarakocra, maverick artificer

jonny - goblin, wild magic sorcerer

brian - warforged, oath of the ancients paladin

marius - gnome, college of creation bard

tim - human, gunslinger fighter

ashes - dragonborn, wildfire druid

ts - changeling, arcane trickster rogue

nastya

elves are all graceful and stuff and i thought that sort of fit because she was a princess

they can have naturally blue hair

elves are slow to make friends and enemies but slow to forget them as well (did i take this idea of nastya straight from this fanfic? yes absolutely and you can't stop me)

artificer was an obvious choice cause shes the engineer

battle smith artificers are good at fixing things. sort of like a machine medic

battle smith artificers have a machine companion that sticks with them, so i'm gonna make that aurora

ivy

kenku are sort of based on ravens, and ravens are smart

kenku don't know where their race came from, which i thought was a cool parallel to ivy not remembering her past

"kenku are blessed with keen observation and supernaturally accurate memories"

ivy is a wizard because books

i chose diviner wizard because divination is about finding things out

raphaella

aarakocra because wings

artificer because she's a scientist

maverick artificers dabble in tons of stuff but keep abandoning projects to find out new stuff and i thought that was great for raph (she has adhd and you cant change my mind)

i thought the aspect of additional spells from other spell lists was a cool reflection of how raph also wants to find things out but in a much more hands-on way than ivy

jonny

jonny is just a little goblin man. what can i say i had no choice

@mightybeaujester you were so right to say jonny would be a paladin with an oath of fucking things up and i tried to hard to find an oath that i thought reflected that well but the one i thought came closest was basically an oath of just looking out for yourself and noone else

i made him a wild magic sorcerer because if anyone deserves to cause that amount of chaos its jonny

there are some things on the wild magic table that are helpful and some that are very much not helpful. i thought that was cool because jonny has no regard for his own wellbeing as long as hes fucking things up

brian

warforged was an obvious choice. big metal man

brians class was SO HARD to choose

@liuqinggessocialskills you were so right to say that brian would be a monk based on vibes alone. he has monk vibes. but i couldnt bring myself to make him a monk because i couldn't think of any actual reasoning. maybe he can multiclass into monk later. i will keep you updated (if i remember. and if i actually play these guys. wow thats a lot of ifs)

i went with paladin because i feel like he would have an oath of helping people. cause both his morality switches are to help its just that the way that he tries to help changes

i knew he had to be a spellcaster

he couldn't be a cleric because that would mean being bound to one god and i feel like that wouldn't work with the morality switch

so yeah we ended up at paladin

oath of the ancients was basically 'yeah i want to help, but not because i have good morals'

tim

i could not think of a good race for tim so i just went with the obvious choice and made him human. i dont usually want to make humans, but tim is literally from london so i did

@mightybeaujester THANK YOU FOR SAYING TIM AS A GUNSLINGER FIGHTER I DIDNT KNOW THAT EXISTED BUT ITS SO PERFECT

i dont think that needs any more explanation. the most gun and explosion class ever

marius

gnome. small man. short guy. tiny

also gnomes are silly and whimsical (sort of. to a degree) and if any of the mechs are silly and whimsical its marius

bard. this guy loves music. hid a violin in his arm. IN HIS ARM. music guy

also sort of bard because i had to make someone a bard and i had no other ideas for marius. apparently marius had befuddled us all because all the other mechs had multiple suggestions and marius had next to none

college of creation is literally the bards that are just like YEAH MUSIC LETS GO. they are the singy bards

ashes

ashes had to be some kind of dragon descent (because fire). so it was either dragonborn (or something similar like kobold or half-dragon) or draconic sorcerer. i tried to not double up on classes (key word is try because both ivy and raph are artificers) and sorcerer was already taken, so dragonborn it is

@liuqinggessocialskills ashes as a wildfire druid is so right. they just be setting everything on fire. not much more explanation needed

ts

ok so i do have reasoning for ts being a changeling but can i put it into words? not very well. but im gonna try

so changeling can sort of change their identity and i thought that would be cool for ts because at the start it was pretending to be the widow's husband and now it's not

also a changeling doesn't usually stay in their true form so they're pretending to be whatever they've changed into and ts is only pretending to be real so that sort of matches up

stole the arcane trickster rogue idea straight from @mightybeaujester. you're right it is a rogue. i cant explain why but youre right

thanks to @mightybeaujester, @liuqinggessocialskills, @lolgmalolg-did-nothing-wrong, @thenforgotten, and @rocksanddeadflowers for your help i read all of them and they were all very good suggestions

guys this is very important what dnd race and class do you think each of the mechanisms would have? im gonna make a character out of every single mech and its gonna be great but im so stuck on what they could be

[thrilling-fantasm]

guesses for DnDads S2 builds (based on the patreon art)

[Unnamed Beth May character]: knowing beth does not love crunchy number d&d, probably a fighter? though a rogue redux would be great. cannot imagine her finding any joy in being a caster class, i would love that character growth but I think that the second beth has to say "and i'm casting magic missle at the second level, using my last spell slot" she would die a little inside. At the same time, Death Cleric would be metal.

Taylor (i'm assuming his last name is Swift): so many great ideas here: i'm leaning towards demonic bloodline sorcerer, CHA builds seems like freddie's playstyle, its a little crunchy with the sorcery points but who knows if they'll actually follow those (or maybe freddie's moved over to dndbeyond for ease of keeping track. OPTION THE SECOND: Warlock with Well Actually as his patron because seeing anthony and freddie do a warlock/patron relationship would be great.

Link: Monk? I think Matt would be a great utility player and the team probably needs some healing balance. Also fits with the sports vibe i'm getting.

Normal: god, I don't even know. you don't name a kid Normal and have their dad/uncle start the apocalypse without some serious issues he'll have to work through (as is Oak Family Tradition?) How great would he be as an Abberant Mind sorcerer like Imogene though, like he's just Very Eldritch but he's trying to be a real team player!! Knowing that Will bit the bullet before to pick druid just so party comp wasnt a total mess, I'm thinking he's less inclined to pick a healer class again. a Wizard in this setting is frankly DANGEROUS if anthony isnt making them do a resource grind, and i would dig it! Barbarian fits with the sportsaholic archetype, there's path of the zealot or berserker if he wanted to bring those "cursed by the gods"/"mindless frenzy" vibes that could switch in and out. But casting spells is probably the most fun plot twisty tool Will has used, so Paladin? EDIT: Oh wild magic sorcerer tho... EDIT THE SECOND: Discord suggested artificer and I'm a big fan, very number crunchy and versatile, lots of opportunities to be creative and a pain in Anthony's ass (I say as an artificer player)

[skullman2033]

Watching one punch man and decided im going to rate All the characters based on how they play D&D

Genos: average across the board as a player. Still a good chance to be the DM’s favorite. Always arrives on time. Like. Literally on the dot. Rarely cancels and if he does have to he’ll do it extremely far in advance. Fits the mold of a new player to a T. Always plays warforged artificer. He will bring tashas cauldron or eberonn rising just so he can. Kinda boring as a roleplayer. But always welcome in a pinch. Though he is a bit of a doormat to DM’s

Mumen Rider: PRAISE BE UNTO HIM! GOD OF FOREVER DM’S. This man, this LEGEND. Manages to be a DM on par with what people consider Matthew Mercer to be. His only real “fault” though is he can be a bit too generous and forgiving for players. See saitama. Hates to kill players and will fudge rolls to save them. Unless they’re a THAT player. Then you’ll have a dead pc and a surprisingly heartfelt speech about what you did wrong and how it effects others enjoyment so you’ll just feel like an asshole. Unless you actually are an asshole.

Fubuki: actually an excellent player. She’ll need a Session Zero and some talks with the DM to adjust to new groups. And campaign tone. But after that she’ll be a blessing to any group. She tries her heart out no matter what her role is but Usually plays elf sorcerer or wizard. She’ll sometimes bring atleast one the blizzard gang too so Hey! Free guest party member.

King: Genos with poor luck. Compensates by being a fairly good roleplayer and plays support as a cleric or paladin. Like fubuki he’ll also need an adjustment period. But in this case it’s because he’s used to playing videogames like skyrim. Somehow always manages to nat20 when it matters most. Though his tendency to horny player is a mild annoyance

Speed of sound sonic: Always early to the game. This is the only positive thing i have to say about SoS Sonic. He is THAT player through and through. Speed of sound sonic will always play the edgiest combi possible: Assassin Rogue. Dex minmaxed. Shadar-Kai or Drow. Lawful/Neutral evil. It doesnt matter what the tone, team alignment, team Composition. Nothing. He will try murderhoboing, will ditch the party, PvP, steal from the party. And he will become the unhittable BANE of the game. Mumen rider tried to talk him down. Once. He tried to attack him and got his shit pushed in. He then quit.

Tatsumaki: bad railroader. Bit of a punishing DM. But not completely unreasonable, those are actually her only problems. Just leave your phone at the door and don’t deliberately fuck with her and you’ll be in for a surprisingly fun session. Mumen is slowly trying his best to get rid of the railroading part. As a Player? Her only real problem is she’s fully convinced mystic is fine and there is nothing you can do to stop her from playing it. Save for maybe psionic soul sorcerer. Or tasha’s cauldron. Just let her have the psionic feats and nobody gets hurt

Saitama: It is with the heaviest of hearts that i have to say; Saitama is not a good player. Constantly on his phone, eating, doesnt take part in roleplaying, and unless he’s with genos. He’ll be late. You’ll need to get his attention A LOT, but if you do and you manage to keep it (Or if mumen tells him it’s kind of a dick move to do all this.) He’ll quickly change his act. It’ll still be pretty minimalist though, so don’t expect much. Throw strong monsters or a person that needs help and you’ll light a fire under his ass. On the positive side? You couldnt GET a bigger blessing in a fight. He plays human open palm monk And he is minmaxed in a way that could bring TEARS to the eye. Tiamat wishes she was this strong. THE TERRASQUE wishes it was this strong. If you gave him some heals now and then he could 1v1 VECKNA. And he always. Always. ALWAYS. NAT20’s on a quivering palm. Also he always brings snacks and is just good company.

Garou: Always plays lawful Evil. But does it accurately, Unlike most evil players. REALLY Wants to be the BBEG. Often flips through monster manuals when it isnt his turn. Most likely to mess with the DM. Poor Mumen rider. Also dont let him DM. He WILL kill your pc’s at any opportunity.

Child emperor: the only rules lawyer who isnt a self righteous asshole. Baby genius here knows the books FRONT to BACK. Yet still understands that the experience is more important than the rules. Still he’s handy for a quick refresher even if he isnt playing. When he is playing? Godly artificer.

Metal bat. The chad human fighter. Isnt very good at roleplaying and compensates by just being himself. Still fun to play with and you’ll be thankful he’s in your team. Just be prepared to have snacks for his sister.

Bang and Bomb: first edition purists. Or at the very least no homebrew. They play monk. But god help you if Garou is part of the session.

Blast: Can never make it to the session.

[ask-vaal-hazak]

I just left a homebrew dnd campaign I've a message for new DM's

If your running a campaign for 2 ppl and there level 3 do not throw cr 6 and 9 monsters at them. For the love of the divine do not.

Extremely fustrating and deadly. And dont use the monsters from a homebrew forum bc it just sounds cool. Bc that "cool" cr 6 hag going against a lv3 party with multiple attack. Multiple spell cast and spell immunity and able to polymorph into any creature it wants at will is devastating.

Just to rant here. I lost 3 characters in 1 hour. My lv 3 barbarian (minotaur zelot). My battlemaster (centaur) and my wizard (yuan ti)

To be a dm ya have to balance and make sure every fight isnt designs to just upright kill ppl at the start bc. 5d12 worth of dmg with multiple attack on a hag or any creature. Is friggin broken.

There no way in hell a monster for a party of 2, level 3 adventures should hit for 5d12 (3 times) and be able to cast 2 spells (at will without using a spell slot) EVERY ROUND. And on top of that have a movement speed of 90 and an ac of 23. (I asked the dm to let me see what he was using and thers more. Swim of 30, fly of 300 ect this is pretty much a god with its stats but the cr says 6. It dosent even feel like a 6. More like a lv 20 broken sack of crap)

This is the reason there are tutorial guides in the book(s) and youtube to show you why you should look at cr then your players levels b4 u design an encounter.

I cant describe how fustrating it was to see my barbarian. Who I spent 5hours making just get tapped lightly and die. Bc 48 hp at lv 3 and taking well over 10 pts of dmg bc apparently she crit me on all attacks and only did like 1 attack to our female player (for 2 dmg with a level 6 scorching ray [its bs] ) was "Fair bc your a barbarian and should be able to tank this EASILY" (quote the dm.)

If there is a way to piss off players it's this and having a game were you get railroaded so hard it's a traveling trip with skill checks with a minimum of 18-20 to notice something like a bear on the road when the weather is CLEAR and everyone is PAYING THE HELL ATTENTION ON A BANDIT HIGHWAY. Not to mention the SCREAMS OF A CYCLOPS AS IT LITERALLY SMASHES INTO THE CARAVAN ACROSS A PLANE WITH A FEW TREES ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.

Oh and let me not forget the NPCS WHO WANT TO SLEEP WITH EVERYONE BC THEY THINK THERE HOT AND DESERVE A NICE HOT MEAT ROD FOR THEIR SERVICES OF INTRODUCING THEMSELVES.

*Facepalm* my god....oh and if your thinking

"GEE-WILLY Mr. Person surely it couldnt be that bad?" This guys campaign was pretty much parappa the rapper, jojo bizarre adventures, bloodborne, Resident evil and memes.

I had a character who came in and apparently they caused the world to have wormholes? (Somehow) and referenced it everytime we played even when that character died. In session one. Bc apparently a company named (I kid you not) Shoe Rack was the equivalent of resident evil's umbrella cooperation. Complete with a drow leader and a litch bookkeeper who turned everyone into zombies to work for free while they apparently made diamonds to sell for millions of gold and keep the workers working g for 1 copper every month. Only giving gold to ppl that would sleep with them.

Not to mention apparently everyone in this world had magic resist or spell immunity to everyone except to females. And when I made a female char apparently that rule became I valid and it was just a straightforward

Me: does a 17 hit?

Dm: well it would but .... *they grin*

Me: but?

Dm: they use a special ring to catch the spell and cast meteor swarm on you point blank.

Me: well they get hit too I just stabbed them with a dagger.

Dm: no you see it's a SMALL METEOR THAT ONLY HITS THE PERSON THAT HIT THEM

Me: so they and my teammate. Who has literally been stabbing them are fine?"

Dm: yes

Me (takes like 589 pts of dmg and is ded)

Dm: the litch turns to you and asks if you want a cup of coffee.

Female player: umm sure?

Dm: whoo-yeah. Combat over you get 500 go and a date with the litch.

Me: I'm sorry what?

Female player: umm...ok. awsome.

Me: ......ok cool so I'll just bring in-

Dm: no that's cool the litch revives yorubas a female zombie slave.

Me: why?

Dm: and you need to have sex to keep yourself alive.

Me: yeah no. I'll just bring in my centaur battle master

1 hour later

Dm: you take umm..let's see *rolls dice.*

Me: (waiting)

Dm: *rolls a shit ton more dice*

Me: (waiting)

Dm: oh oh no *grins*

Me: (takes 40 dmg) I'm still up

Dm: how?

Me: I have 48 hp....I'm still up

Dm: ok it's your attack I guess.

Me: rolls a nat 1 "ok I guess I have disadvantage on my next att-"

Dm: rolls a d100 and a d10 (the percentile)

Me: what are you doing?

Dm: rolling for severity of your fail. Btw how much dmg does your lance do?

Me: it does 1d12 dmg and why are you using severity. That's not in 5e and you said we-

Dm: as you fail you accidentally stab yourself in the throat as your spear hits a rock and you take *rolls dice* 35 pts of dmg

Me: ok I'm out that's bs. Number one and two I have a lance and thers no way I can do 35 dmg. I get about 24 dmg on a crit and 28 if I use my racial feature to kick a person at max with a crit.

Dm: oh your just being salty, you dont play fair!

Me: excuse me?

Dm: ALL YOU DO IS PLAY SPELL CASTWRS AND THATS CHEATING!

Me: bc everyone has spell immunity for some reason or only takes 1/4 the dmg. I'm pretty much useless and am being fored to play melee unlike our LOREMASTER BARD who got an item to DOUBLE HER DMG AND SPELL SLOTS AND CRIT ON A 15 PERMANENTLY (this is the female btw)

Dm: well maybe you should have slept with the litch

Me: she literally found that item in a store for like 3 silver and when I looked (with a 17 arcana check) I found a rusty dagger and a flask of poisoned potion.

Dm: well maybe roll higher?

Female player: umm I rolled like a 10 and found this that's kind of cool but I dont think it's fair. But o wanna keep my items

Dm: ugh fine. You keep yours. Ummm (to me) I guess you get a potion of greater healing for....umm 500 go.

Me:.......nah I'm good, FUCK IT. I'll just make another spell caster Oops. Cant do that. How about a nope. Cant make a barbar I'm going to make a artificer

Dm: cant do that

Me: why?

Dm: they're broken its not good.

Me: *with the book* not broken..ulyou know what why dont you make me a character and I'll use that.

Dm: hands me a sheet

Me: reads "Zonia the sexy zombie elf sex slave that gets stronger every time she has sex?" *Looks at everyone* ok I'm out enjoy the campaign.

Dm: we cant have a dnd adventure with only 1 person.

Me: yes you can you've been doing it since session 1. I'm out goodbye. I'm still running my campaign on sunday. I wont hole anything against you. But I will not sit here and be shit on bc I refuse to kiss yur ass and make a slut of a character. Pull your head from your ass. I'm taking my stuff and I'm out.

Dm: but I need the dm screen and the mat and the markers.

Me: then buy your own or use theater of mind. I'm out.

Like how bad is it to want to be a dm to shit on ppl. THIS, THIS IS NOT OK. and no one wants a zombie sex slave that can only have sex and has a str of 0 a con of 30 a dex of 1 a cha of 40 and so on. Its friggin stupid!

Anyway that's my rant. Im....I think I'm just done with dms and crap I just want to play a dnd game I can be happy with. And not always be the Forever dm. Who has players challenge everything. Like why as a monk they cant use sleight of hand to CATCH A FRIGGIN FIREBALL AND/OR AN ARROW AIMED AT ANOTHER PERSON.

Anyway leave a comment or add on I'm just burnt out and glad I could get this rant off my chest