#but she does give off some sort of major contributions to the company

[holysweetnachofries]

Thought of an idea for an Enstars OC but she's neither in the idol team or the producers team. She's just part of the HR team in ES.

[dnangelic]

She leans over the railing of the bridge. Over, over, maybe too far for comfort of anyone else. As if trying to take a closer look at something, or in her ways trying to gain some new perspective. There's ducks floating by on the water. Oshidori, she recognizes. And along with them, a couple pedaling a boat at leisure. Present scent of roses caresses her nose. This town sure makes itself picturesque. Anyone getting off at the wrong stop after impromptu nap could be fooled into thinking they'd stepped into someone's dream (bar any odd encounters). “what do you think makes a place be considered romantic?”

@kirakiras

even if his arms are leisurely crossed , he still watches her with a curious stare . would it have been any use to warn her ? to remind her to be careful and not to fall clean , head-first into the river , scaring the ducks with an inelegant splash , terrifying the laughing love-bird pedalers ? maybe the answer was somewhere in there , too . in the poetics of it all : find something beautiful and try to keep yourself from getting a closer look .

he himself was , after all , a self-proclaimed king of decadence and sensuality , an ever-proud deity of both swoony loves and collected hearts , reasons that he imagines might have contributed to kimiko's own choice to ask him . yet all that meant was that at his truest and most tragic , not even he could ever resist . sometimes his ilk fell right into the river ; sometimes they were pushed , sometimes they leapt , and sometimes they flew , because romance was opposite and outside any sophisticated philosophy , or else its very own to swear by --- utterly devoid of law but not bereft of particular sense .

--- it made his wait-and-longing feel even more absurd .

any place could be beautiful , and therefore , any place could be romantic . what was beautiful simply was , if only to him , just as human beings and their lives were . wouldn't he have stolen away the very earth were he able to fit it into the palm of his hand , just as he might have the sun or the moon , and all of the stars ! instead , his palm shifts cautiously to the space behind kimiko's back . he doesn't dare to touch her , but he does ready himself to catch --- just in case .

it's as he watches her watch the rest that he thinks to give her an answer . ' ... life , ' he quietly admits . ' company . if it's a place , then it should come down to having someone to share it with . ' it came down to who . love and peace could find its way even in the midst of the worst winters or in between graves , could creep into the thin spaces between held hands and pressed lips . it did not matter that azumano was a place like a dream , a live-portrait , compared to the neon-steel likes of tokyo or dotonbori .

' if you keep someone sentimental with you , then anywhere does the trick . ' but this was , perhaps , a secret reserved for only those who cared enough to turn privy to it . the majority were born with senses ; sight and smell and sound , yet not everyone used them to their fullest : to find the sort of thing that could make their hearts beat .

' you aren't exactly the swoony type , i've noticed . ' though , observant , beyond a doubt . ' ... so , what do you think , mimiko ? there are other definitions , the broadest being anything that makes you feel . i've shared a little of my feelings , but i'm still curious over yours --- does a place like this , ' with its roses , its lazy rivers and lily-pond waters , its cobblestone streets and picturesque bridges , and him , ' does any of it feel romantic to you at all ? '

[studiojeon]

troubled outsiders | intro - jjk

| summary | -  how you two end up pining for each other.

warnings: none :) 

content: idol!jungkook x student!oc, friends to lovers (because it’s THE superior trope okurrrt), jungkook is quiet and shy but a social butterfly when needed (and when it comes to oc but you’re not supposed to know that yet), oc is both a badass and a socially akward queen, she has TWO friends and only because one is dating the other (like... same), the Lee Charyeong is her bestie, oc works at bighit and feels like everyone either fears her or hates her, author nim is a crackhead and has no plot planned for this series whatsoever (doesn’t know if she’ll keep this up, we’ll see).

words: 1.93 k

His presence was overwhelming, to say the least. Even if he were surrounded by six hundred other equally handsome men, somehow, to you (and the majority of the female population, at that point) he was as captivating and magnetic as they come. Jeon Jungkook didn't pay no mind to no one, but sure as hell everyone became hyper aware of his existence and essence in time. And that didn’t exclude you.

Yet, as nonchalant and indifferent as the man could be perceived, in reality he was more considerate and friendly than the aura he exuded. You knew this because working in the same company had to teach a thing or two about the people who literally carried said company and the whole industry at some point, still you barely knew four or three people, including your assistant and Jungkook, whom you had met once.

The opportunity of working at the company had come to you out of the blue, quite literally, you were attempting to send one of your assignments in when an email appeared in your notifications during your sailor moon study break. 

HYBE Entertainment

We’re glad to inform you that you’re being recruited for the position of Logistics Manager in one of our sub companies, BIGHIT Entertainment. We’ve thoroughly looked through the CV you’ve submitted and are very interested in your capabilities and what you can contribute to our organization. One of our other managers will gladly meet you on a day you can both agree on. Make sure to answer this email to get more details about your interview.

“Nani!? THE FUCK?” sure as hell that your eyes and cognitive functions were deceiving you (ADHD) you went over the text a little over three times in a row before the message settled in your mind. This was sus. 

Before even considering a reply you made a quick call. “Fucking Lee Chaeryeong” you spat on your end of the line. “You did this, didn’t you?”.

Her silence was more than enough to have you cursing her under your breath. “I don’t know what exactly you’re talking about but it most likely was me. Does it have to do with a sex toy in particular?”

“No” you denied almost monotonously, guessing the pile of boxes in the corner of your room with her names on them was what she referred to. “Does anything come to mind if i mention BIGHIT FUCKING ENTERTAINMENT?”

It was her. All those conversations during the summer about how badly you wanted to work in the entertainment business as marketing staff of some sort had their effect on your friend, who, despite all your excuses and denials, knew you better than you and your mom combined did, and because of this, was sure as hell you were not making a move towards that goal whatsoever. So, being the boss bitch she was, she took matters into her own hands, was what she explained.

You concluded that was the reason you had reached a point in your life where you had more experience than most recently graduated kids in your field, because Chaeryeong had you moving every summer break. You had been the manager of a coffee franchise and convenience store during you junior and senior years, and also figured a way to improve the marketing management strategy of a fucking restaurant while at it. Not to toot your own horn, but you were kind of cool.

Or not. “I hope this job satisfies your workaholic ass for once, I’m running out of ideas”. Chaeryeong spat before hanging up.

Sure as hell it would. 

On friday afternoon, you made your way to the HYBE INSIGHT building and introduced yourself to your recruiters who promised to give you a call at some point. “It went fine” you told Chaeryeong once you were in your car. And it was the truth, however you weren’t so sure if they would actually hire you at some point since well, you were a girl in a male dominated industry and, in your opinion, there were always better people than you. “Wanna go grab coffee?”

“I want to. But, I have practice today. I’m actually on my way there. Please avoid driving through Hongdae today, this shit’s packed.” You sighed and thanked her for the heads up. You missed your friend, badly. You hadn’t seen each other in three weeks, and you didn’t even live so far away from each other (you did, but it had been worse before). You two had very agitated lives to say the least. Chaeryeong was a kpop group member, and well, you were jumping from job to job and getting your phD in Business Management at the same time. It was hard to find moments to spare together during some periods of the year, but you guess the anticipation made your encounters better.

“Talk about anticipation” you slammed your forehead against your desk, taking a breather after such an anxiety packed situation. Short story: you got the job (for some fucking reason). And you had gone through a whole week of expectancy and anguish. Not getting that job would have broken your heart, and ego at the same time. 

You guessed the law of attraction tactics Chaeryeong had taught you had sorted their effect and were what led you to your current position in life.

“Miss _____, your presentation’s ready” your work assistant gave you a comforting pat in the back as she took a seat somewhere next to you. You were nervous, shitless. It was your fifth week at the job, and being the proactive woman you were, you had collected lots of data in order to come up with a resources management plan.

It was a Thursday afternoon, and more than a hundred people sat in front of you, waiting for your speech. Including him, who you’d once bumped into accidentally during one of your data recollections runs inside the building. 

You hated having the need to impress others yet, hence your anxious behaviour. But this was a decisive moment in regards to your validation in your new job and how you’d continue to be perceived during your work stance (no reason to panic at all)… you needed to get it together.

“I think I just pissed off a bunch of old men right now,” you told your assistant right after you got off stage. “I need a bathroom break”. Linh gave you a reassuring smile, one she always had plastered on her face.

“Take as long as you need to. I’ll give you a call once the rest are done”.

The commute to the bathroom was unnecessarily complicated in your opinion. You had spent a little over a month rushing through the hallways of the building and you swore every single day your spatial orientation got a bit more fucked up. There was no way there wasn’t a single bathroom on the floor you were in, that would just be atrocious. “It’s not completed yet” someone said beside you as you stared at the half empty map the company had projected on a wall next to the elevators. “Where do you need to go?” 

Kim Taehyung of all people in the world was talking to your ugly and unworthy ass. Your breath caught in your throat and after staring for at least five seconds your body finally reacted to your orders. “Oh, um… the bathroom. I’ve been looking for it for a good ten minutes” you explained with a nervous laugh.

“Trust me, I get it. I still get lost over here” he smiled gently. “It’s in the hallway in the middle of the next hallway” 

You laughed at his very ambiguous explanation. “Thank you” you bowed your head and made your way to said destination.

It was in the hallway to your left, not your right, and it took you a while to figure out that new piece of information. Once you were staring at yourself in the mirror, you realized that you looked considerably tired and exhausted from all the social interaction you had undergone throughout the day. You were used to the side stares and whispering you’d get whenever you entered a room at that point, but some days you just wished you could get a break from them. After all, it wasn’t your fault you didn’t look Korean at all, and that you also didn’t fit the stereotype of a foreigner.

You got that from your mom, both the non Korean features and social fatigue. But that wasn’t even the problem most of the time, it was your friendly and smart nature which she had also passed onto you. Some would consider it a blessing, but to you it was a burden, like a clear glass that shielded you from introducing yourself into other people’s realities. You had few friends and people to trust, but in your everyday life you had to deal with the pressure of standing out too much and that came with a lot of negative energy from others. You sigh as you spray your favorite fragrance on yourself. You could be feeling like shit, but no one will ever catch you slipping.

But that excluded him apparently. You hadn’t noticed that on the other side of the hallway was the men’s bathroom and the realization hit you as you were calmly getting some tea from the vending machine. “Good afternoon” the man greeted you as he made his way out the hallway, but stopped in his tracks right after he noticed you. “_____! Hi” he smiled at you and you wanted to die, suddenly forgetting what you were ordering in the first place.

“H-hi Jungkook” You smiled back, poorly attempting to put your wallet back into your backpack. 

“Need help there?” he noticed your agitated state and held your bag for you. He smelled just as heavenly as you had expected, somewhat between big dick energy and flowers. Oh, and he also remained as kind and polite as you remembered him.

Seeming as if he wasn’t planning on continuing his path to wherever he was heading to in the first place, he stood quietly by your side, waiting for you to be done with your deal. “How have you been?” you break the ice for him.

Quickly, you grab your tea and start walking back to the auditorium together, unaware of your surroundings or the suspicions that could arise. “Busy, but very good. How have you been? I saw your presentation earlier… I wish I understood half of what you said but you still sounded amazing”.

And you would never admit it out loud, but you were positive you were blushing (and falling in love too - platonically, of course). “Oh god, you think so? I basically told them they’ve been doing things wrong all along so maybe you’re the only one who’s appreciative of my work” you handed him the second can of iced tea you bought without him noticing. You swear his eyes lit up like stars in the night sky. “Payback for the other day” you smile at him.

The first time you two had crossed paths you didn’t look nearly as glamorous as you did now. In fact, you looked incredibly disturbed and in pain, carrying a huge pile of paperwork in your hands. But as soon as sweet Jungkook noticed your state, he offered you a hand and somehow ended up helping through your multiple data collecting trips that afternoon. It was a nice day.

“Anytime” he took the can in his hands with a shy look on his face. “Unless I’m practicing, you know…” you look down at his feet, with huge black boots engulfing them, and you smile due to their contrast with his personality. “Here, i’ll give you my number so you can call me whenever you need to put all those papers back. Hopefully I’ll be around” he added as he pulled his phone from his back pocket.

Way to get a girl’s number, my god.

[benevolent-savage]

this is what happens when u enable me lets go

(spoilers ahoy)

Firstly, here’s some somewhat miscellaneous reasons that don’t contribute to any sort of narrative analysis but are still parts of the character I like.

His boss fight is my favorite in the game thus far. It’s not super hard, but it isn’t super easy either, and I even managed to solo it on my Balance after a few practice rounds. Sufficiently challenging without feeling unfair.

His boss fight music. It is a bop and a half, go give it a listen, my soul ascends from my body a few centimeters every time I hear it start up.

His voice. I’m sure it’s processed at least a little but gotdamn his voice is so deep and spooky it startled me when I first heard it. Very curious who his actor is; I think he and Inyanga Whitestripes share the same one. Either way, very well voiced and acted.

His design is very good. It’s the perfect mix of innocuous but also spooky sorcerer fella who knows some shit. And I was afraid that the designers would try and make him like. Handsome? Under the hood? To try and make him more sympathetic? But they didn’t and I’m glad for it.

With those out of the way, the next thing to establish, I guess: I don’t interpret Old Cob to be the main villain of arc 3, nor do I interpret Raven as such. They’re definitely antagonists, but they’re not the ultimate problem; the ultimate problem is their divorce, and how they keep dragging people into their bs. It’s established the Aethyr is a physical manifestation of their anger towards each other, and as it thins, communication between them becomes possible, as Sparck puts it in this thinly veiled metaphor toward the start of Empyrea part 2.

But Cob’s still an antagonist and I love him so I’m gonna talk about that. Most of this is going to be talking about his motivations for doing what he does, since I don’t see him quite as the ‘likes to watch the world burn for the hell of it’ archetype that others might.

One of the reasons that drew me to his character is how legit his gripe is, when put in perspective. Old Cob- or Grandfather Spider, if you prefer- is not a mortal like the other antagonists of previous arcs, which establishes he has a different thought process right off the bat. This new universe was built on his suffering and he has a grudge against the ex wife who made it, so as a god, it makes some sense he’d try to destroy it and build one he would like better. He’s fully aware that what he is doing will hurt people but decidedly doesn’t care, and I appreciate that so much. He’s chaotic as fuck and he owns it, along with his superiority complex that’s as wide as the day is long.

Yet his reasoning is like. Weirdly understandable? Like, if my ex-whatever put me in jail for a lifetime sentence and stole my kidney to pay for a new house or something, I too would go apeshit and want my fuckin kidney back. That’s mostly how I interpret his situation. He’s not doing this for hell of it, he’s doing it because he wants to get back at his ex because he’s bitter and petty and for the most part he knows this but he feels justified in doing do because she ripped out his goddamn kidney- I mean heart, and he wants that back.

And then, even after all that, he and his magic are treated as if they’re inherently evil. While, sure, Shadow is a ‘dark magic’, its actual properties aren’t anything malicious by itself. It is described as “a magic that changes reality,” and that’s it. Incredibly exploitable and you should practice caution while handling it, but used correctly it is powerful and helpful; this is likely alluding to the backlash mechanic, where likes decrease the percent of damage you take, dislikes increase the percent, and I imagine the person meant to be the literal embodiment of the magic in question to be similar in nature: not inherently harmful and lashes out if he feels he’s been mistreated.

Going off that, I’m not sure he ever wanted the FirstWorld to be destroyed, and therefore believes his incarceration to be entirely unjust; he doesn’t deny that he instigated the fight between the Titans, but when it comes to being accused of its actual destruction, he gets angry.

...Okay the written text doesn’t really display how mad he got here, but he was like. Big Angy. Super offended. Honestly, a big part of why I love and analyze the hell out of his character comes from how his VA delivers his lines and his voice in general. If you haven’t heard it for some reason, I recommend looking it up. Anyway, here he’s basically saying he didn’t destroy the First World, and even if he did, he’s suffered enough punishment because of it, to my interpretation. The only one I remember blaming him for it is Raven; Bartleby was there, and I don’t recall him blaming anything other than the Titans for it. This is of course not accounting for the various changes made to the lore since he was introduced, but they could have easily thrown in a line like ‘And now Spider plans to destroy the Spiral the way he destroyed the FirstWorld!’ or something to make it clear it was done intentionally.

And this may very well be straying into headcanon territory here, but I think he holds positive relationships very closely to him, even if things went sour in the end; he clearly still has some remaining affection for the Titans, calling them ‘the children’ and being incredibly angry at Raven for forcing one of them to destroy his Heart.

When Rat loses in Polaris he shows up to praises his efforts and even comfort him, in his own weird way. He reprimanded Scorpion in Mirage, but it’s because Scorpion wasn’t doing what his dad asked him to and got his ass kicked as a result. As for Bat, every time they’re in the same room together he pays him some sort of compliment.

Bat claims that he and his brothers are meant to be his tools, and to some extent that’s true, but he also genuinely cares about them, and it’s really interesting to see a villain defect from the usual ‘not caring about anyone other than themselves’ and openly show affection for his kids while still managing to be an incredible asshole.

In line with this is his relationship with the Wizard. There is, of course, a foundation of manipulation to their dynamic, at least to some degree. I thoroughly believe that Spider was overshadowing Coleridge, at least partly, so our character could bust him out of prison.

And while this is happening, he regains some of his spent power and removes threats to it as well, namely Morganthe, using the Wizard’s help. In fact, I have very little doubt that he was at least partially responsible for her fall; his timing on that two-liner was too on the nose.

But even with that, I think he genuinely treasures the Wizard’s help and company, which is why he attempts on four different occasions to either sway them to his side, or warn them away from what he’s doing.

Boy, I want that vacation, but it’s your fault I’m here.

And then, of course, his relationship with Raven, something that is basically a summation of his character arc. Laden with baggage and tragic in concept, it is my belief that most of what he’s doing isn’t because he genuinely hates the Spiral or he wants to get back at her, but because he loved her and treasured their relationship; so upon her mistreating him, he lashed out at everything she’d made and detested it as a result. But only because he felt betrayed and hurt so he has to inflict that on other people because he is, as aforementioned, a petty and bitter old fuck.

Moving off that line of thinking, an admirable quality he possesses is how smart he is. This guy has so many wrinkles in his brain it must look like a raisin. Well, perhaps not ‘smart’ exactly, but how good he is at manipulating certain situations to his advantage. Like in Mirage; you just know that he was fully expecting Mellori to be there and fully planned to use her as a back up plan, or you could even argue that the whole debacle in Mirage was a ploy to get his hands on her, while having the added possible benefit of things actually working out.

Actually his scheme in Mirage was really interesting now that I think about it. His aim was to turn back time to when the FirstWorld was whole, further implying that he never wanted its destruction in the first place. It would also, of course, be a time where he had his Heart and would have the ability to avoid having it ripped out again. This would involve not having the Titans fight each other again, or at least not starting it and suffering the consequences. It would be everything he wanted to achieve knocked out in one go with minimal muss or fuss, compared to other methods. It’s probably a part of why he shows up personally to bargain with Eerkala and the Cabal, and why he directly intervenes in our Wizard’s efforts to stop him; it was too important to trust to any of his kids, so knowing Scorpion probably wouldn’t have been able to execute it anyway, he used his kid as a distraction for the most part.

I also like looking into the fact that his element, besides Shadow, is Storm, as opposed to pure Shadow or Death, as most major antagonists are. Storm is a school based on invention, experimentation and improvement. This is something that interests me for two reasons: one, the magic of major antagonists is always a part of their character, Malistaire the most blatantly, and two, because of this line he says in Mirage.

To my interpretation, this would imply that he sees the Spiral as something that could be improved. And as a god, he would of course find it his obligation to try and fix this flaw. When he made the barter with the Cabal, I don’t doubt he was being at least partially honest about restoring the FirstWorld; it would certainly fix the flaw it has in the context of stealing his internal organs, but he would also probably seek to improve it, make it more suited to Shadow or something.

Something else I find intriguing is how weirdly honest he is; I don’t recall him ever lying to us once, unless you count omitting certain facts as lying. But that’s absolutely something I can see him using against people, like “I didn’t lie to you, I just didn’t tell you, your fault for not asking ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .” As said before, he;s really good at manipulating people and he weaponizes whatever he can; @that-wizard-oki​ made a really great post about how he uses conflicts- his fault or not- to his advantage, and does his own thing in the background without interruption, Mirage and Neumia probably being the best example of this, with Scorpion and the Cabal serving as distractions while he either carries out things himself or gives instructions.

To pull all of this together narratively, I think it’s important to consider this line from Mellori during one of their confrontations:

He feels powerless, so he puffs up his god status. He has little power to fight with, compared to before, so he mostly manipulates and creates back-up plans while causing conflicts to serve as distractions. His love hurt him, so he lashes out at others and drags them into his problems.

You may ask, “But Sam, these are all bad qualities, why should we like him because of this?” And I would respond “Because it makes him a complex and interesting antagonist.” The kind of character that executes his shitty actions in such a way that you can’t help but respect- even just for the level of dramatics put in to it- while also having a motive that makes you stop and consider that maybe he has a point but is very much handling the situation the wrong way.

Like, c’mon, he ticks so many villain boxes. Tragic backstory? Check. Blatant thespian who owns it? Check. Gets his hands dirty before the climax of the story? Check. Smart/ manipulative/ has back-up plans? Check. Understandable, strong motives? Check.

He’s got layers. Like onion. I felt like there was always something new to discover about him, and for that I can assert my opinion that he’s one of the best characters in Wizard101.

lmao if you read this far into my simp-for-shithead post congrats. feel free to shoot me more asks on the subject bc i cant write persuasive-essay-esque format anymore my brain is rotting. if you will excuse me, im off to listen to the chronoverge combat track for the 82937487734th time

[calliecat93]

Callie’s Disney Princess Retrospective: The Little Mermaid

(Snow White) (Cinderella) (Sleeping Beauty)

By the time of 1989, The Walt Disney Company was in it’s Dark Age. Walt had passed, the Nine Old Men were retiring, and their films were viewed as jokes. The Dark Age tends to get what I feel is an overly harsh reputation, but that’s not what we’re here for. The cold hard truth is Disney was a shadow of its former self. Their films just weren’t getting the same praise as they once did, and now with Don Bluth gaining success, with films like An American Tale and The Land Before Time, they weren’t even the top studio anymore. Their lowest point was the colossal failure of The Black Cauldron and while films like The Great Mouse Detective earned some praise, it was just never enough. They’d start getting some steam with Who Framed Roger Rabbit? but considering that they commissioned Richard William’s studio in England over Disney’s own animation studio, it seemed that even the company itself was losing faith in their own talents.

That all changed, however, with the release of their 28th animated feature. This would be the film that changed everything. It brought Disney back into prominence after years of being laughing stocks. It would enter the animation medium into its Renaissance, a time still fondly remembered by many. And for the purposes of this series, it is the film that both resurrected and revitalized the Disney Princess franchise. All of this would be due to 1989’s The Little Mermaid.

Overview

Ariel is a mermaid, but she dreams of one day being able to be part of the human world. Always collecting whatever surface world treasures she can find, to her father’s disapproval, Ariel one day stumbles upon a ship celebrating the birthday of the handsome Prince Eric. It’s love at first sight, but as he is a human, her father King Triton reacts negatively. Hurt, Ariel goes to the sea witch Ursula, who grants her human legs at the cost of her voice. To remain human, Ariel has three days to get Eric to fall in love with her and kiss her. But Ursula has her own wicked plans for Ariel, plans that will endanger both land and sea. Will Ariel be able to get Eric to fall in love with her and become part of his world? Or will Ursula triumph?

Review

I have been waiting for this day for SO LONG. Do you want to know why I decided to do this series, to begin with? Aside from 2020 driving me to insanity? It’s because while the complaints against the Disney Princesses in general have frustrated me for as long as I can remember, there were two in particular that always made my blood boil because they made no sense. Cinderella was the first one, which I already covered. The other? Ariel. I think you all know what I’m referring to here, but let’s put a pin in it for now. We have a LOT to discuss before we get to analyzing Ariel herself. First, let's go over the film.

The film is based on the story of the same name by Hans Christian Anderson. Walt himself had actually planned it long before, but sadly was never able to make it a reality. When the directors pitched it, at first it was denied due to Disney having already releasing a mermaid film called Splash not too long ago. But it was allowed to continue to be worked on as a future project and after a great deal of tweaking, expansion, and reworking, it was approved as a feature film to come out after Oliver and Company. There were a LOT of changes from the original story. The sea witch went from neutral to the villain, characters were expanded and added, and of course the story of unrequited love that ended with the little mermaid committing suicide was thrown out all together. A lot of the story basis was still there, but Disney was taking it and making it their own arguably even moreso than with the Classic Three.

The animation is fantastic. Many of the films prior like The Rescuers and Oliver and Company, while they looked nice, had this… roughness to it. I mean they were outright recycling animation for a good while, with Robin Hood being the biggest example. But the animation here is some of the nicest, most fluid that they’ve had in quite a long time. It’s colorful, expressive, and grand in feel. This is especially true with the musical numbers. I mean Under the Sea has SO much going on, and it is a true spectacle! It’s especially prominent when Ariel is mute. Since she can’t express herself with words, the animation had to be on point so that we could still understand her thoughts and feelings. They did an amazing job. From things like her visual glee at being human when going to bed the first night, to her annoyingly blowing her bangs during the canoe ride, turning into excited glee when Eric guesses her name. It helps Ariel feel more like a three-dimensional character and illustrates everything to us that words couldn’t at that point.

The biggest animation challenge for this film would be to convincingly portray the illusion of being under water. They had to convince us that Ariel was living under the sea, and I’d say they did a pretty good job. It is no easy task and trying to describe it is… hard. But I never had any doubt that they were underwater, especially compared to the scenes that were on the surface/ just look at how Ariel's hair is constantly flowing compared to how it sits when on the surface. It’s that attention to detail that I always appreciate. The opening especially, seeing the underwater landscape thriving as we see the silhouetted merpeople until the grand reveal of King Triton’s castle. Not to mention the seashore setting of Eric’s own castle and kingdom, a perfect match for this sort of movie. As someone who loves water/seaside settings, it’s always a joy to see!

While several of these people worked on the Dark Age films, this is really the first film that allows the then-new talent of Disney to shine. The directors were John Musker and Ron Clements, who are VERY important names to the Princess line. They not only gave us Ariel but also Jasmine, Tiana, and Moana. They’ve been attached to many of Disney’s most beloved films and event cult classics like The Great Mouse Detective and Treasure Planet (both of which you should watch). You also have animators such as Glen Keane, who would go on to animate Pocahontas and Rapunzel and work on some of the future princes (The Beast and Aladdin), and Mark Henn who would animate Belle, Jasmine, Pocahontas (alongside Keane), Mulan, and Tiana. They both would be the supervising animators for Ariel, and go on to have very successful careers in future productions. 

But this film also gave us what may have been the best decision that the new management ever made. For the music, they hired lyricist Howard Ashman, who chose composer Alan Menken to collaborate with him. I cannot stress enough how important these two’s contributions were for this (and the next film we’ll be discussing) production, especially the former. Ashman became very passionate about this project and was very influential on it’s direction to the point of being credited as a producer. Menken of course would go on to have a LONG, successful career as a composer on many of the Renaissance films. Many of which we’ll be touching on in this retrospective. These guys won two Oscars for The Little Mermaid for a reason.

I haven’t talked a whole lot about the music in these films outside a little bit about the main song. That’s because while not unimportant, the music didn’t really move the story along. Like Someday My Prince Will Come/ is cute, but does it really drive anything forward? Or tell us anything about Snow White that we didn’t already know from I’m Wishing? Not really. Ashman, using his stage musical experience, wanted to use that kind of styling with The Little Mermaid. To use music to add depth to both the characters and to the story. We’re all used to most Disney films being this Broadway-esque spectacle nowadays, but this film was the first to truly do so. Considering how this formula is still being used to this day, I think it’s safe to say that it was VERY successful. Again, the music won two Oscars for a reason. Heck for a LONG time, the music was all that Disney was able to win from The Academy, so that says a LOT as to how good this was.

So now that we’ve made it here, I’m going to discuss the vocal tracks individually and give my thoughts on each of the major ones:

Fathoms Below: Might be the most underrated song of the bunch. It’s in the style of a sea-shanty discussing the legends of what is below the sea. It’s a great intro to the film, letting us know right off the bat what kind of movie we are in for. I know that it sure had me invested~

Part of Your World/Reprise: I’m gonna go more into depth on the song’s meanings when we analyze Ariel, but this song is perfect. It’s the song that tells us Ariel’s wants and dreams and Jodi Benson does such a great job putting so many different emotions into it. The animators also did a fantastic job with the expressions, fully showcasing Ariel’s longing, sadness, and desperation to be part of a world that she cannot. The reprise equally does a great job showcasing her evolving revolve, going from ‘longing’ to ‘determined’. The song is fondly remembered for a reason… and it almost didn’t make it into the film. During screen testings, Jeffrey Katzenberg (the studio head at the time) wanted the sequence cut as the kid audience was ‘bored’ and ‘restless’. The directors and Ashman HEAVILY disagreed and argued back, with Glen Keane ultimately being the one to convince Katzenberg to keep the scene. Thank God for it because this adds such a strong, emotional core to both the story and to Ariel’s character and it would have taken so much away if removed. I love it~

Under the Sea: This was the number that won the Oscar. I… find it the most overrated track tbh. Not that it’s bad, FAR from it. It’s probably the best animation-wise with how much is going on. Sebastian somehow managed to conduct… all the sea life into a mass spectacle that certainly had me convinced to living under the sea. The calypso style is very fitting and fun, and Samuel E Wright sings it with so much passion. I guess that I find it overrated because I just like other songs more, but this is still a true showstopper that’s worth revisiting.

Poor Unfortunate Souls: Aside from I think Cruella DeVille (and even then Roger’s the one singing it), I think that this is the first true villain song in a Disney film. If so, then they started on a GLORIOUS note. I love this song! It was THE perfect song for Ursula. The first half with her fake reformed villain act but with this condescending air to it (Pat Carroll’s delivery with the  ‘Pathetic’ line is perfection) was already grand, but the second half? Pat Carroll just lets loose and goes utterly insane. It is AMAZING and has so much charisma to it that you can’t help but be invested. It’s also very creepy, especially in the end with Ursula's cauldron bubbling and especially how she takes Ariel’s voice. This would inspire many great villain songs in the future and to this day remains one of the all-time greats.

Les Poissons: I never thought that seeing a chef cook would be so horrifying… the song is fine. It’s a silly sequence, albeit morbid from poor Sebastian’s perspective, and Rene Auberjonois did a fantastic job despite the song being pretty short. It’s my least favorite track, mainly because it doesn’t really add or enhance anything. But it was fun… poor Senastian though XD

Kiss the Girl: The love song of the film. I love the animation for this one. I mean what’s more romantic than taking a canoe out on the lake? That’s where I’d want my first date to end! The mood is set so well with the use of shadows and once more, Sebastian is able to conduct a spectacle effortlessly. Once more Samuel E Wright does a fabulous job singing, this time with a serenade style. Even if poor Scuttle didn’t get the appreciation that he deserved. Let the seagull sing, dang it! The only thing that ruins it is the eels capsizing the canoe, jerks! But yeah a beautiful serenade that is bound to convince anyone to… well, kiss the girl XD

And that’s not even getting into Alan Menken’s score! Alan Menken is my favorite composer of all time, so I love everything that he has ever done. I still remember the opening, hearing the instrumental of Part of Your World and immediately became invested in this film. The man is an EGOT for a reason, and this is only one of the many fantastic soundtracks that we’ll be discussing in this review. He also did some additional music for the Broadway version of the film, and there’s a whole body of demo work that he and Ashman did that you can probably find on Youtube, Spotify, or whatever music streaming service you use. Listen to Ashman’s rendition of Part of Your World, you WILL be driven to tears.

So now we get to characters… and HO BOY do we have a lot. For the sake of this review we will be going over King Triton, Sebastian, Flounder, Scuttle, Ursula, Prince Eric, and as per usual Ariel will have her own section at the end.

King Triton, while not evil, serves as an antagonist early on in the film. By all appearances, Triton is a capable ruler who wields a great deal of power due to his triton. He appears just, and for the most part he is as well as a caring father. The only problem is… well, his anger issues. Triton HATES humans and the surface world. We’re never told why aside from him calling them ‘fish-eaters’ (the DTV prequel suggests it’s due to the death of his wife, but the canonicity is debatable), but considering that his youngest daughter’s greatest passion is learning about the surface world… yeah. Needless to say, they have issues between them. But he is otherwise loving and was even excited that Ariel may have found love until he found out about their species. With how overprotective he is, that was a nice subversion despite how brief it was.

Triton often gets the ‘abusive’ label thrown against him and while I do think that that’s a little too strong, there is no denying that his hatred and anger affects Ariel emotionally. He may have seen destroying Ariel’s grotto as for her own good and is likely the culmination of however long Ariel’s been going to the surface finally boiling over. But to do this right in front of her when she is begging him to stop and outright ridiculing her for saving Eric’s life… yeah. It’s… it’s a horrifying scene that does NOT make Triton look good and is what pushes Ariel into seeing Ursula. It doesn’t matter the reason, destroying your children’s things is something that WILL scar them emotionally. To be far, the moment Ariel breaks down Triton clearly realizes that he crossed the line, but he just leaves because… yeah there was NO WAY that they were reaching a reconciliation at that moment.

Triton has a lot of issues, but the reason I don’t call him abusive and like him as a character is because after the grotto scene, he was clearly remorseful. After Ariel goes missing, he outright says ‘What have I done?” and his demeanor expresses a lot of remorse. If that wasn’t enough, I think that him both selling his soul to free Ariel AND turning her human after realizing how much she loved Eric more than showed that he has learned his lesson. Triton had to learn to allow Ariel to grow up and choose her own direction in life, even if he didn’t like said direction. It’s very relatable to how some parents struggle to let go of their children as they grow up. My only real complaint is, as I said, we don’t know why Triton hates humans so much. If we did and saw him work through it, it may have helped us understand why he was so against Ariel’s passions and not come off as needlessly cruel as he did. Nevertheless, he realized his wrongs and made it right. His hug with Ariel at the end is one that gets me every time.

The sidekicks of the film are Flounder, Scuttle, and Sebastian. IDK why they named Flounder Flounder because he isn’t… well, a flounder. He looks like some kind of tropical fish. Flounder is kind of the kid appeal character, even being voiced by a child in all incarnations except Return to the Sea since he had grown up. He is Ariel’s best friend who goes with her on her adventures, despite almost always being easily frightened. He’s well-meaning, but can cause more trouble like when he accidentally exposed Ariel’s excursion during the concert. But he’s also a sweet little guy and very loyal to Ariel. The kid outright went out of his way to somehow recover the Eric statue, which is ten times his size, and deliver it to her grotto to make her happy. That is friendship. He doesn’t really develop, but he’s a nice supporting character.

Scuttle is… well, dumb. But a fun dumb. He’s a surface creature and thus has more knowledge about surface world items than Ariel does… except he doesn’t. He’s not smart, but they manage to keep him entertaining because he’s so sure that he knows what he’s talking about. Imo, dinglehoppers are a MUCH better name for forks than forks, dang it! He tries to help, like it was his idea to try the serenade during the canoe ride… too bad that he can’t hold a note. Poor bird tried. They also DO allow him to be useful at the end, discovering that Ursula had tricked Eric and he amassed one heck of an army to humiliate her long enough for Ariel to reach the ship. It is one of the funniest AND most awesome moments in the whole film. Scuttle is just fun comedic relief who doesn’t overstay his welcome and his VA Buddy Hackett did such a great job~

But if there’s any character aside from Ariel that we remember from this film, it’s Sebastian. This Jamaican crab is the royal musical conductor and Triton’s advisor. He’s often the one who has to watch over Ariel, which clearly frustrates him on multiple occasions. Tbh, Sebastian probably has the most character development in the film. In the beginning, while understandably upset that Ariel being a no-show ruined his conducting debut (though tbf… NO ONE bothered to make sure she was in place? Really?), he’s mainly upset that /he/ looked bad. After the storm, he’s more concerned about getting into trouble with Triton than about Ariel herself. He knows how much the human world means to her, and while one can argue that Ariel /should/ be more aware of how her actions affect others, Sebastian isn’t much better. He only discourages her to save his own shell, not for her own good. Which eventually leads to him breaking and exposing what happened during the storm when he should know damn well that Triton will explode. Yeah it was because he misunderstood, but still.

However, Sebastian isn’t a bad crab. After the grotto's destruction, he immediately feels guilty and tries to apologize to Ariel, but she angrily dismisses him. He tries to convince Ariel to not go to Ursula, but as she’s still upset she bitterly brushes him off and tells him to get her father since he’s good at that. He therefore follows with only Flounder and at first, panics after Ariel is human. It’s understandable because… yeah, that’s bad. His first reaction is to get Triton to fix this, with Ariel trying to stop him. Once he sees the heartbroken look on her face, Sebastian realizes just how miserable Ariel would be back home. At this point, it's reasonable to assume that Triton will only be stricter about letting her have her ventures, and thus she’d be stuck in an unhappy life. This, along with the situation at least being partially his fault, convinces Sebastian to hold off and help Ariel win Eric over. Which he certainly tries his best. 

One of my favorite scenes is Ariel going to bed and being so excited to experience these new things as Sebastian tries to advise her on getting Eric to kiss her. But he stops when he sees that Ariel has fallen asleep with the biggest smile on her face, and he just affectionately calls her a ‘hopeless child’. The affection in his expressions and Samuel E Wright’s delivery is just so sincere and it really shows that for all his bluster, Sebastian does care for Ariel. The crab is also a seriously talented conductor. Like I said, he put together both Under the Sea AND Kiss the Girl in zero time and they’re both amazing numbers because of it. He really tries hard to help Ariel and once Ursula strikes again, he decides it’s finally been long enough and gets King Triton. Sure that doesn’t go well, but at that point it was absolutely the right call. He also helps fight off Flotsam and Jetsam, willing to put himself in harm’s way to help both Ariel and Eric. 

Sebastian became a much more understanding, more selfless crab over the course of the film, realizing that he needs to care less about saving his own skin and to understand why Ariel does what she does. It’s especially notable at the end. In the beginning, he advised Triton to keep a firm grip on Ariel when he asks if he was too harsh. At the end? He advises him that children have to be free to lead their own lives, which is what convinces Triton to grant Ariel legs. It’s a really nice character arc and this along with Sebastian’s two spectacular musical numbers leaves no question as to why he’s so beloved.

But what’s a great film without a great villain? For that we get one of the best, Ursula the Sea Witch. She is a fantastic villainess. She’s a large octopus woman who used to work in the palace, but for reasons unknown got banished. In early versions, she was going to be Triton’s sister which would have added a VERY twisted dynamic to the whole thing. Maybe that’s where they got the idea for Scar in The Lion King… anyways! Her design was based on Drag Queen Divine who was also going to be the VA for Ursula, but she sadly passed away of an enlarged heart before any recording to be done. After going through various performers, the production staff settled on actress Pat Carroll, who did a spectacular job. You can just tell that she is loving every single second of this role, and she has always happily returned whenever they need new Ursula material like in House of Mouse or in the parks. Just listen as she goes off the chain in Poor Unfortunate Souls that is some amazing acting.

Ursula is confident, manipulative, and a true actress. Her entire gimmick is manipulating vulnerable, insecure people into making deals with her. Deals that are pretty much impossible to keep and thus, she claims them as hers and adds them to her ‘garden’. She targets Ariel specifically because of her passion for the surface world and since she likely knows of Triton’s hatred for it AND of his anger problems, she’s just waiting for the day he screws up and Ariel is vulnerable. I’m gonna go MUCH more in depth with this when we get to Ariel, but this is SO important to note. Ursula struck when Ariel was hurt, emotional, and not thinking straight. It shows just how manipulative she can be. This is who she preys on. She knows how to sway them to act how she wants them to. She’s a saleswoman, and BOY does she sell it. It doesn't help that she gives Ariel very little personal space and manipulates her feelings for Eric to be further swayed. Yet Ariel is the stupid one because she was manipulated by a master manipulator… patience Callie, you’re gonna be able to let it out soon enough…

Ursula works so well as a villain because of how smart and manipulative she is. Like I said, she knows how to prey on the vulnerable and insecure. But she also knows when to get herself involved. After Ariel almost kisses Eric on the second day, Ursula disguises herself and uses Ariel’s voice to hypnotize Eric. And even though Scuttle and his undersea army humiliate her and Ariel gets her voice back, she bought just enough time for the sun to set and the spell breaks. Ursula won. She captured Ariel, forced Triton to sell himself to save his daughter, and claimed ultimate power. It was a truly methodical plan that ultimately succeeded. You gotta give her props for that.

Don’t make any mistakes though. While Ursula is intelligent and confident, she /is/ still evil. I’ve seen people say that she should have won just because they don’t like the ‘abusive tyrant’ Triton. Aside from what I already said about Triton above, Ursula is shown to be far, FAR worse. I mean… I hate to use the term, but she essentially s***-shames Ariel throughout Poor Unfortunate Souls. I mean she outright calls her a ‘little tramp’ after the canoe scene, which in this context is a G-Rated way of calling her a s***. To a sixteen year old. Yeah… plus we saw how power-mad she went once she got the triton, and it didn’t bode well for either land or sea. Triton’s temperamental, but he isn’t a tyrant. Ursula’s only redeeming trait is that she DOES care for her henchmen Flotsam and Jetsam, and their death at Ariel’s hand is what provoked her to go mad with power. This was ultimately her undoing as she was so focused on tormenting Ariel that it allowed Eric to take his ship and kill her. It’s a pretty gruesome Disney Villain Death (we outright see her SKELETON FLASHING at one point), but she brought it upon herself.

If you asked me what villain helped shape many of the ones we got during the Renaissance… I’d say Professor Ratigan from The Great Mouse Detective. But Ursula was the first Renaissance villain, and she started it off right. She’s enjoyable enough that we love it when she’s on screen, but still detestable enough that we want her to lose. Many complain about doing ‘purely evil’ villains. That villains HAVE to be sympathetic or nuanced, otherwise they are poorly written. While there’s nothing wrong with sympathetic, or even redeemable villains, having a purely evil one is also perfectly fine. Disney is the master of this. Ursula’s motivation is strictly to gain power, but it works because they give her character so much personality and charisma. Petty motivation, but excellent character writing that makes us not mind. I’d say if you want to learn how to do a Pure Evil character right, study Ursula in particular along with Jafar and Hades. They’re all great examples of how to do it right.

Finally we come to our leading man, Prince Eric. So far the Disney Princes have acted more as a necessity than anything. It’s as I said in the Sleeping Beauty Review, Florian and Charming fill out a plot point and while he was more proactive in comparison, Phillip fell into the same trap. Did Eric finally break the curse? Well… yes and no. He's a firm middle ground between ‘necessity’ and ‘actual character’. He’s allowed FAR more than any of the other princes thus far. Eric is a seasman, he loves going out on the ocean in his ships. He’s adventurous, good-looking, and an overall nice guy. We see that he isn’t really into fancy stuff, outright cringing when Grimsby unveils the statue. He also isn’t interested in Grimsby trying to set him up with various noble women. Like Jasmine and to a degree Prince Charming, he wants to find love for love, but on his own time. These are the traits that attract Ariel to him. Plus he’s also heroic, going back to a BURNING SHIP in order to save his dog Max… yeah I’d fall in love with him too.

After Ariel saves him, Eric becomes determined to find her. But he only briefly saw her face and heard her voice. Funny how NO ONE gets on Eric for this while hating on Ariel, but again we’ll get to that soon enough. When he meets Ariel he recognizes her face… but since she can’t talk, assumes that she can’t be the mystery girl. Still, being a good person, he takes her back to the palace to give her shelter. It’s not long before he becomes endeared by her though. She’s pretty, sweet, and even though she can’t talk he has a good time showing her around the kingdom. It's so clear by /Kiss the Girl/ that he has fallen for her, to the point that even Grimsby points it out to him. It gets him to give up on the mystery girl which is VERY important. It shows us that Eric didn’t fall for Ariel because she happened to be the girl he was looking for, but because of who she is as a person. It shows the audience that his feelings are genuine which makes us further root for him and Ariel… too bad that Ursula goes and ruins it.

As far as personality goes, Eric is more fun than his predecessors, but he’s still stuck with the standard prince-like personality. He’s given more lines than all of them combined and has a real charm to him. You can see why Ariel would like a guy like him. He’s kind, fun, adventurous, and even a little rebellious. He is her ideal vision of what humans are like. The end of the film lets him prove himself as well, going out to help Ariel despite the danger and of course using his own ship to kill Ursula. It does cause Ariel to be a bit of a Damsel in Distress, but she DID save him much earlier and she stops Ursula from blasting him to smithereens, so it balances out. It was enough to prove himself to Triton, at least. So Eric is a nice step up as far as princes go, but we’re not quite out of the well with them yet. But it won’t be much longer, heehee XD

There’s other supporting characters that I really don't have much to say about. Ariel’s sisters are nicely designed, but ultimately bland. I think the series and Ariel’s Beginning did more with them, but otherwise there’s not anything to discuss. Grimsby is fine enough, being the closest thing that Eric has to a parental figure (where ARE Eric’s parents in all of this anyways?) and is stuffy, but otherwise a decent guy. Chef Louie is… crazy. That’s all that I can say. This film has a lot of characters, let’s put it that way. But of course, we have one more to go over. The titular little mermaid herself. I’ve been hinting at this throughout the review, so I think you all know exactly how this will go…

Ariel Analysis

I cannot stress enough how massive a step Ariel was for the Disney Princess line. As much as I have defended the Classic Three and standby all of that, there is certainly some repetition going one with them. All three are beautiful, passive, and can’t directly do much to accomplish their dreams. And at least two of them are dreaming mainly about a man, which is NOT a bad thing, but it was certainly getting old. Feminism has also been evolving since 1959, the last time a Disney Princess film came out. A lot had changed in those thirty years. Women in media could now be more proactive, take matters into their own hands, and have their own hopes and dreams that weren’t just about love while still being allowed to find love. Simply put, as much as I love Snow White, Cinderella, and Aurora, the times had changed and it was time for Disney to get with those times. Thus we got Ariel, and she was exactly the right princess to take the line into a whole new direction.

The beginning of the film is a pretty clever way to set her up. The Classic Three are known for being angelic singers, and for good reason. It’s pretty much the first thing they do when we meet them (well, as an adult in Aurora’s case) so the concert sets this up. It’s Ariel’s ‘debut” and her sisters all have the looks and angelic voices that fit the archetypal Disney Princess. But then the shell opens up… and is empty. Then we cut to Ariel, who is about to go inside a sunken ship to look for surface world artifacts. It is an excellent subversion, setting up a Classic Princess move and flipping it on it’s head. It’s shown very quickly that Ariel is adventurous and actively seeking out her dreams despite her situation instead of trying to just make do with the way things were and hoping for the best. We also get a fun sequence of her and Flounder escaping a shark, so first time a Princess got an action scene as well.

The film very quickly establishes Ariel’s love and fascination with the surface world. Exploring sunken ships, going to Scuttle to get more information, later we see her grotto that is filled with so many items that we would consider standard, but that she considers treasures. These mean so much to her. She finds the surface world ‘wonderful’. But there are setbacks and consequences for her actions, in this case her forgetting about the concert. She didn't mean to and feels bad about it, and Flounder mentioning the reason why didn’t help. It’s clear that Ariel and Triton have been arguing about this for a long time, the latter failing to understand how much this means to Ariel and is at his wit’s end. His demands for her to stop upset her, causing her to storm out of the throne room and head for her grotto.

This leads to Part of Your World. This song/sequence is vital to understand Ariel’s character. This is the song where she expresses all her hopes and dreams. How she wants to be human. How she wants to learn more about the surface world. How she wants to experience things like walking down a street or finding out how a fire can burn. Throughout the film, we never learn how Ariel got so interested in human culture and just why she’s so passionate about it. But we really don’t need an in-depth explanation because this song conveys so much sincerity and emotion that it makes us believe in her passion. We understand how much this matters to her, and in turn it makes it matter to us. It’s why if it had gotten removed, it would have robbed Ariel of this depth and in turn, rob the film of something essential to its story. Thank God it remained intact.

This is a good time to talk about Ariel’s voice actress, Jodi Benson. Having originally been in Howard Ashman’s failed musical Smile, she was brought in originally as Ariel’s singing voice before being promoted to also doing the speaking the lines. This was not only her voice acting debut, but as far as I can tell her film debut as well. She did such a lovely job in the role. She perfectly conveys Ariel’s passion, drive, and sincerity while still coming off as a sixteen year old girl. Her singing voice has been rightfully praised, and to this day Ariel is often considered the best singer among the princesses. Benson has gone on to do other voice roles such as Barbie in the Toy Story films, Patsy and Ms. Doe in Camp Lazlo, and Aquagirl in Batman Beyond. She has continued to reprise Ariel to this day when needed and has always expressed so much love and gratitude for the film and her part in it, She’s also supported others who have done the role like Auli’i Cravallho (aka Moana) for the ABC Musical and Halle Bailey for the upcoming live-action remake. She’s a lovely woman and may she continue to do well~

Going back to the film, Ariel finds herself at a ship and this is where she sees Eric for the first time. It’s love at first sight. Of the Renaissance Era Princesses, Ariel is the one who gets the ‘love at first sight’ critique levied at her the most. Belle and Mulan of course didn’t have that issue and I usually see Jasmine and Pocahontas be given a free pass in this regard. Now of the five, The Little Mermaid IS the most blatant with the trope, but let’s look at it through Ariel’s POV. This is the first time that she’s seen so many humans up close. Eric is around her age (to my knowledge, at least. His VA was 16 at the time IIRC). It is very quickly established that Eric is jovial, uninterested in things like statues in his image, rebellious as he has rejected all the women Grimsby has arranged him with, and wants to find love for himself. He has many of the traits that Ariel herself has, being a rebellious, free-spirit teen herself. But most of all he is heroic, as demonstrated when he goes back to his burning ship to save his dog.

In other words, Eric is Ariel’s ideal vision of what people are like. She saves him from drowning, the first time that a Princess has saved her Prince, and is able to look at him more closely. She is clearly infatuated and seeing this man, this good-hearted, handsome young man who is everything that she ever dreamed of. This is what pushes her from just dreaming about being human to swearing that somehow she /will/ be human. Yes, she gets motivated by love, but the goal was there before this moment. It just became a solidified goal. One that she is going to make a reality someway, somehow. She even notes in the Part of Your World Reprise that she doesn’t know when or how, but it doesn’t matter. Compared to how fleeting her hopes were in the main song, the reprise is so much more triumphant and determined and continues to show just how important this truly is to Ariel.

Sadly however she still has one obstacle in between her and her dream; her father. The next day she is so happy and lovesick and it’s really cute, but Sebastian knows that this is going to cause major issues with her father. His big Under the Sea plea goes ignored, and Ariel is led to her grotto by Flounder, who has brought her the Eric statue. She’s so happy and acting like… well, a teenager in love. But unfortunately due to Sebastian jumping the gun, Triton finds out and he is enraged. Not only is he angry that Ariel again went to the surface, but she both saved and fell in love with a human. Thus we get the dark scene of Triton, in his rage, destroying the grotto. Every item, treasure, and relic that Ariel has gathered for who knows how long has become nothing but a pile of dust. Including the statue of the man she loves. 

Say what you want about ‘love at first sight’ or Ariel being a lovesick dummy, but this is outright traumatizing. This sixteen year old girl, a girl who aside from forgetting a few engagements has done nothing wrong, had all of her hopes and dreams shattered by her own father all because of his own blind hatred. Imagine being a teenager and your parents destroying everything you love all because they hated something that you loved. Even if Triton regretted it, it doesn’t change the pain that he inflicted upon his own daughter as she breaks down. She’s so upset that she rejects Sebastian trying to apologize and just tells him and Flounder to go away. They comply, leaving Ariel to cry in her now bare grotto… that is, until Flotsam and Jetsam appear.

So.. let’s now talk about Ariel going to Ursula and accepting the deal. First, her going in the first place. When Flotsam and Jetsam bring Ursula up, Ariel… /refuses/ to go. She is aware that Ursula is bad news. She had no intention of going to her at first and outright tells the eels to leave. What makes her agree? The two knocking the remains of the Eric statue in front of her. At this point, Ariel’s pretty much been rejected by her father and all of her treasures that kept her seabound are gone, so… what’s she got left to lose? She follows and naturally Sebastian tries to stop her, but she just angrily tells him to get her father since he’s good at that.

Ariel enters Ursula’s domain, and we come to the scene. Ursula declares to have changed, demonstrates her power, and offers Ariel the deal to become human for three days and it’ll be permanent if Eric kisses her. If Ariel fails, she not only becomes a mermaid again, but she belongs to Ursula. She also has to give up her voice as payment. Now we all know the big criticism against this, that being Ariel selling her voice and leaving behind her family and all that she ever knew and loved… for some prince that she hasn’t even really met yet, let alone spoken to. Now do I see why people dislike this? Yes. It’s a very rash, very stupid decision not just for those factors, but the fact that Ariel is essentially selling herself to the devil for this one thing. None of this is a good thing… but here is the big question, does the film do enough that this makes sense for Ariel’s character? Is this something that I can see her doing?

Yes, yes I can.

Let’s look at this piece by piece. First, Ariel is clearly uncomfortable the entire time that she is in Ursula’s lair. Ursula continuously gets into her personal space, laying on the manipulation at every step. When she lays out the deal, Ariel is at first hesitant. She herself brings up that if she takes it, she’ll likely never see her family again. She’s also hesitant when Ursula lays out the terms of payment, not just because she has no idea how she’d woo Eric without it, but just the concept of losing her voice clearly unnerves her. Look at her face when she grabs at her own throat, she is NOT okay with this. Even when Ursula begins to create the brew and poof sup the contract, Ariel isn’t excited or just jumps to it without thinking. She is VERY CLEARLY hesitant and unnerved about everything. 

So… why does she do it then? Well remember, she’s still emotional after her confrontation with her father. Her father has rejected her in her eyes and destroyed everything that she had worked for. At this point, her dreams and feelings for Eric are all that she has. She is hurt, emotional, and desperate and when we are hurt, emotional, and desperate we tend to make rash, even outright stupid decisions. Especially when we’re teenagers. Ursula waited to strike at this very moment for this exact reason; so that Ariel wouldn’t be thinking rationally.  These are the exact kind of people that Ursula preys on, and as I said above, she knows how to manipulate them to act how she wants. She gives Ariel the offer of her dreams, assures her that she can woo Eric without talking, poofs Eric’s image up at one point, and makes it clear that she’s giving her very little time to think it over. 

With absolutely nothing left to lose and it being clear that her father will never support her dreams, Ariel reluctantly signs the contract. She outright turns her head away when she signs. She KNOWS that she’s making a big choice and she isn’t 100% okay with it. She didn’t just give up her life callously for a man like some like to make out. It was a rash choice, but she had reluctance and fears about it. But it’s the only chance she’ll get to get her dream of being human and being happy, which is what ultimately drives her to make her choice. Given how she risked her life already against a shark, this is in-character for her and shows how far she’ll go for her dreams. And as we’ll see, this is going to have consequences as we near the end of the film.

So the deal is made. Ariel loses her voice and is transformed into a human. Once she makes it to shore, she gets to see her new legs, and for the first time since the confrontation, is happy. She has legs. She is human. The one thing that she had wanted for so, so long has finally come true. Naturally Sebastian wants to get Triton, but she stops him and gives him the saddest, most pleading look that I think I’ve ever seen. This is Ariel’s one and only chance to get what she dreamed of. Triton would not only stop her, but considering what happened before, who knows what else he’d do if he saw her as a human. It is 10% understandable why Ariel doesn't want him involved, especially once it would just lead her back to a life of misery. Sebastian realizes this and agrees to help her, which pretty much gets her to forgive him for what happened before.

Thus, we get to the first true meeting between Ariel and Eric. Of course, Ariel can’t explain who she is because of her voice being gone, so Eric assumes that she can’t be the same girl he saw despite her looking like her. But he sees her in the makeshift dress that Scuttle got her into and assumes that she’s shipwrecked, especially since she can’t walk well. So he takes her to the palace, and Ariel is able to get refreshed and get used to walking on legs. She is clearly delighted by everything. She is now part of the world that she longed for,, and she is loving every second of it. Sure she quickly finds out that forks aren’t combs, but hey she’s learning exactly what she wanted to learn. She is in utter bliss throughout the two days that she’s on the surface, doing thinks like learn to dance and ride a horse-drawn carriage. It’s all she ever hopes it would be.

But of course, Ariel still needs to get Eric to kiss her, or all of her dreams will end. She almost makes it with Kiss the Girl, which despite not being able to talk she made it pretty clear that she was willing and ready for Eric to kiss her. Ursula ruins that, but Ariel HAS endeared herself to Eric and he even prepares to go to her after giving up on the mystery mermaid. But of course, Ursula disguises herself as Vanessa via Ariel’s voice and hypnotizes Eric into marrying her. It’s sad because when Scuttle informs her of the proposal, Ariel is elated. She runs down the stairs, excited and gleeful… then she sees Eric and Vanessa, and you can see her heart break in two. It especially hits hard as she watches the ship take off, broken-hearted. She’s lost the man she loves, in moments she will be a mermaid again, and she will belong to Ursula fair and square. She pursued her dream, and it all seemed for naught.

But once Scuttle finds out about Ursula, Ariel quickly springs into action. With her friend's help, she reaches the ship just as Ursula’s necklace gets broken. This is a nitpick but I don’t like how Ariel ultimately wasn’t very active in helping rescuer Eric. Tbf IDK what she could have done, but I’d have liked to see her stand against Ursula before things go downhill. Otherwise it feels like this and the other events after… kind if feel handed to her by convenience and luck. But regardless she gets her voice back… but she fails to kiss Eric before the sun sets. That’s right folks, the so-called selfish, stupid deal that Ariel made? She failed to uphold it. She reverts to a Mermaid and now belongs to Ursula, and Triton can’t break it as it’s legally binding. So even if you DO think that Ariel made a bad choice, the film shows that yes, it WAS bad and she is now paying the consequences. Sure Triton sacrifices himself to take her place, but that still means that Ursula not only gets power, but her father is now a husk.

Ariel is enraged at this. Despite everything, I don’t think there’s any doubt that Ariel still loves her daddy. She was reluctant about never seeing him again before, and now seeing how her deal has lead to his fate upsets her. One big issue with Ariel is how… well, the film doesn’t make it clear that Ariel grew or learned anything. Sure there are consequences to her actions, but we don’t see her ponder over them. This is the closest we get to her showing regret as she tries to apologize to Triton and outright attacks Ursula for what she did to him. But she doesn’t express true regret for her actions. She doesn’t have a true reconciliation with her father so that the two can reach a resolution. I guess we can blame timing since we’re in the final ten or so minutes here, but it makes the end feel… convenient.

Eric saves Ariel from getting blasted by Ursula, and she manages to save him from Flotst and Jetsam. How? Bu yanking Ursula back and causing her to kill her own minions. Sure it’s not the Big Bad, but again Ariel marks a First in Disney Princess History by indirectly killing a villain. This provokes Ursula to go kaiju and essentially torment Ariel, who is unable to do anything at this point as she’s caught in a raging whirlpool. While one CAN say she’s a Damsel-in-Distress here (hence why I suggested Ariel should have gotten to do more in the wedding crash), she HAS saved Eric twice now. Plus by allowing Eric to kill Ursula, he essentially proves his worth by saving both the ocean AND the surface, and it contributes to Triton’s ultimate decision.

So yeah, Ursula dies, Triton corrects his wrongs by making Ariel human, and Ariel and Eric can live happily ever after. As I said, it /does/ kind of hurt Ariel’s character as she doesn’t really learn a lesson and it feels like she got incredibly lucky at the end. But at the same time Ariel is still a good character, and she marks a LOT of progression for the Disney Princess line. Sure she is a little selfish (though she usually means no harm), but she’s also someone who actively goes after her dreams. She doesn’t have to wait for it, nor does it center on love. Sure Eric is the catalyst, but that’s it. A catalyst. She’s allowed to rescue her prince. She’s allowed to fight against the villain. Sure she’s still emotional, falls in love, and needs her friends help. But she is also a very proactive, curious, and ambitious girl. Her dream was by far the most impossible of the Princesses thus far, but she still managed to achieve it.

Ariel is divisive, and I get why. The film DOES have some narrative problems (minor, but still) and I get why Ariel may rub some the wrong way. Me personally? I love her. She was a refreshing breath of air in the Princess line. She’s different from the Classic Three. She’s a bit more bratty and far less classy, but she also feels the most like a teenager and she follows her dreams in a very different manner. She’s still a good-hearted person, but she’s a flawed person. That’s what I love about her, she’s imperfect. Could more have been done to develop her? Maybe. But her flaws aren’t so bad that she’s a bad character or unlikeable. Her actions make sense and stay true to her character. I understand why she does what she does. I care for her because I see the sincerity in her. I relate to her longing for something that seems out of reach. And while it was nowhere near as conflicted, I know what it’s like to be in conflict with my father who loved me, but never truly understood who I was. But I loved him, he loved me, he ultimately would have let me lead the life I wanted, and in the end that’s what matters. It’s why Ariel and Triton at the wedding always makes me cry. Yeah, watching this two years after my dad passed… really hit hard.

The point is, I cared about Ariel. I related to Ariel. I did when I was a child, and I still do as an adult. Anyone who loves something or someone despite everyone around you not understanding or being against it I think can relate to Ariel and her position. Plus again, she set forward a new direction for the Disney Princesses. It’s a precedent that stands strong to this day. I’ve done my best to shed light onto Ariel, but it won’t convince everyone. If you hate her, fine. I can’t change your mind and tour free to make all the arguments you want. But I’m allowed to stand by my argument, and I am. Ariel is one of my favorites. She inspires kids to follow their curiosity and their ambitions. It teachers parents to accept their children and who/what they love, and to let them go forward in their lives. One can even argue that her film teaches kids to be careful when emotional to avoid the mistakes that she made, but still achieve a happy ending as well. Either way, I think that the hate against this little mermaid is far too harsh and it ALWAYS centers on the deal without taking anything else into account. It’s time we change that.

Final Thoughts

I love this film. The animation is lovely, the music fantastic, and despite a few issues here and there the story is sound. I don’t remember when I first saw it (it came out four years before I was born so not then), but I’ve loved it since that first time. I’m pretty sure I love the ocean and mermaids in general because of this film. Sure it diverts a good deal from the original Hans Christian Anderson story, but honestly? As someone who found that story unnecessarily cruel? I will take this version any day (no offense to those who like the original story, this is just me talking). It is a masterpiece that changed the game for Disney, for animation, and for the Disney Princesses. Ariel was very much a huge inspiration for many of her successors, and I am grateful for all that this little mermaid did.

Upon its release, Disney was FINALLY able to step into the light after spending over 20 years stuck in the dark. The film was a monumental success. The biggest success that Feature Animation had had since Walt’s days. They also finally beat Don Bluth, winning in the box office over All Dogs Go to Heaven, and returned to the top of the animation world. The Disney Renaissance had officially begun, and it wasn’t even close to slowing down. Just two years later, another Disney Princess film would be released. One that would achieve greatness, but also face great tragedy. So come and be our guest as when we return, we discuss a tale as old as time with 1991’s Beauty and the Beast.

Image Sources: Disney Wiki, Animation Screencaps Other Sources: The Making of The Little Mermaid: Treasures Untold

[penzyroamin]

Food and sharing food continues to be a recurring motif in “tied together”. What was your thought process around that? How do you see that connecting to some of the central themes and concepts in the story as a whole? (And, if you would like to go into this, how do you see food and sharing food playing out in the messy au where David will also be cooking but in a completely different context/power dynamic?)

HAHAHAHA! I CAN FINALLY TALK ABT THIS WITHOUT SEEMING LIKE F SCOTT FITZGERALD BEGGING PEOPLE TO KNOW WHAT THE GREAT GATSBY WAS!!!!!

okay. im calm now.

so for a couple years now i have deeply and secretly loved the concept of food as a symbol for community. i didnt use it in fic for a long time for a variety of reasons. one, it just never really felt right. two, my love of this symbol is very much connected to my southern-ness, and while im sure many people have just as strong, if not stronger connections between food and community, i didnt really know if people reading my stuff would Get It or connect w it.

i finally decided to use it for tied together for two reasons. first, this is my most definitively southern fic. ive written other fics with Humid Small Town Energy but this is my first that i really let myself go “fuck it. crawfish boils. hurricanes. middle aged women with crushes on jim cantore.” as such, it felt like if i was going to go for this symbol at any point, it needed to be with this fic. the second is that due to Pandemic and also living across the country from the majority of the family i grew up with, i have been kind of starved of community experiences as of late. i wrote tied together entirely during a period when i havent spent time with anyone besides my immediate family, so i was really thinking about community and the nature of it and how fucking badly i wanna have a massive meal with people and hence... this symbol

with the background of my decision to include it covered, let’s get into how it appears in tied together!!

in chapter one, the majority of food’s appearances are... impersonal, if that makes sense? its all premade, whether its drive-through stuff, tv dinners, etc etc, and he doesnt know the person who made it. its also worth pointing out that around the time jack and his mom stop sharing meals is the point they become disconnected from each other. essentially, that’s the disconnect from community throughout jack’s early life

davey comes around and it. is pretty obvious from the start that, through this symbol, he is the Literal Embodiment Of Connection To The People Around Him. food was a really key way for me to show just how connected he is to his community-- he’s constantly cooking for other people, working for battalion, helping people get good food, contributing recipes to little cookbooks. the end chapter also nods to this in the scene w his family where esther mentions he made her teach him to cook for a group, and the conversation afterwards where he mentions that he wouldn’t be comfortable with people paying him to make them food or making food for strangers. cooking for other people is essentially davey’s way of nurturing the community around him and becoming closer with people, so to make food in an impersonal way goes against everything he knows about food and sharing it. the interactions he has through food represent the larger relationships and interactions he has within his community. juxtaposed to jack, he’s built this little world around him filled with people that he loves and cares for, even if that does lay a heavy burden on him at points. if i ever write something delving deeper into davey in this au, i’ll elaborate further-- but, essentially, davey’s role as The Provider of food for the people around him was a real stand-in for the way that he feels both within his family and his larger community.

think of it this way-- in all the scenes we see with davey cooking at a large event-- i.e., the crawfish boil-- he’s always pushed off to the side by that. there’s usually someone talking to him or checking in on the food, but he’s not able to be engaged in the larger hubbub and discussion of the party because he’s busy. it’s in providing food for people and sharing that with him that he gets fulfillment out of the experience. in his family, we see that davey is a little bit isolated. he was growing up at the exact time when mayer’s alcoholism was getting worse and hitting its peak, and he left before mayer ever really managed to get very far into recovery. his time in their house, essentially, was a lot of heavy lifting and few moments of solidarity and joy. he loves his family, of course, it’s just a very labor-intensive process. and then, of course, he has a similar experience to what a lot of southern marginalized people feel-- this intense need to care for and better your community when your community very frequently doesn’t care for you. davey has absolutely zero capacity for apathy in this au, and it definitely shines through with this whole dynamic. he works SO HARD to care for people, even if he isnt always able to fully enjoy being around them and being loved by them

and then, of course, you have the way davey and jack interact through this motif-- davey teaches jack how to cook, gives him a cookbook, invites him over for meals, etc etc. sharing that with him essentially represents welcoming jack into his community as a whole, and giving him a place there. jack mentions davey “clearing a spot at the table” for him, and that’s both literal and figurative.

additionally, while davey uses food as a way to bring jack into his community, jack also makes davey a little less isolated. in a lot of the scenes in chapter 5, theyre cooking together, in a very domestic, symbiotic sort of way. i wanted this to demonstrate how jack relieves some of the burden davey puts on himself and exists sort of Within davey’s bubble rather than just reaping the benefits

i also wanted to illustrate with this how jack repairing his relationship w food keys into this. obviously we have the disconnect that he has early on where his unfamiliarity w what he eats and who makes it represents a larger disconnect between him and the people around him, but jack does also absolutely use food as a coping mechanism and a crutch. not to get, again, TOTALLY gatsby here, but he’s chasing that sense of community and belonging and understanding in the wrong places. it’s once he begins to actually make food for himself and understand the process of it and be able to carry something through to completion that he’s able to actually Enjoy food, yknow? i wanted that to mirror the way throughout the earlier parts of his life that he tried to kind of slap up temporary relationships and make do with that. 

side note about jack and food: jack has undiagnosed adhd (and some vague comorbidities rip) in this au, and his experiences with it i preeeetttty heavily lifted from my life and my special brand of fucked in the head. (for those of you who don’t know, carb and sugar cravings are a symptom of adhd, hence why food is often a coping mechanism for us fhskdhs). cooking and baking are processes that have REALLY helped me get a handle on myself-- it gives me an outlet for movement and stimulation, and its something that i can carry through till the end and get an actual end product that i can recognize and benefit from. plus, real time consequences if i let something do whatever for ten more minutes! so thats another element i added to the way that jack builds healthier coping mechanisms over time-- he moves away from food as a crutch and instead develops a new form of CREATING that gives him an outlet and a feeling of productivity

those are some Vague thoughts. i will probably elaborate in the future!

now, for the messy au, rather than food symbolizing community, i chose to have it represent vulnerability.

a quick review: jack married rich, and davey is jack’s new wife’s cook. on his wife, dorothy’s part, i wanted this to shine through in this squeaky clean, pristine image that a lot of rich people try to craft. she never cooks for herself, never pays much attention to davey, never draws attention to him. in essence, she is creating as few weak spots as possible-- she refuses to be vulnerable to the people and the society around her.

with davey, however, his and his family’s livelihood depends on him cooking for this woman, and later for her and her husband. he’s forced into this position of extreme vulnerability and weakness by his financial situation, and cant really regain his sense of privacy or self because of that. its also a point in this story that he has very little time or wherewithal to cook for his FAMILY. so, his job forces him into a vulnerable situation with complete strangers who hold an upper hand over him but denies him the opportunity to be vulnerable with his own family, only reinforcing this idea that he is the protector and the provider and as such cannot have weak spots and cannot, under any circumstances, break

it also really highlights the difference between jack’s relationship with his wife vs with davey and smalls-- all the scenes of he and dorothy eating together are in grand, fancy rooms, with a certain amount of pomp and circumstance and dignity attached. with davey and smalls, though, he’s usually in the kitchen, having conversation, enjoying their company, helping them with menial things. that’s an environment that he’s used to and comfortable with, the kind of relationships and interactions he grew up with, while the stuffiness of his life and interactions with dorothy are entirely less vulnerable and close

that’s just a brief overview, but its something to look for when i finally finish the fic! it definitely started as a very soapy sort of thing, but my damn instincts pushed me to delve deeper into the characters and their relationships and the fucked-up-ness of it all. so, here we are

i really hope this helped!!!! this is not organized AT ALL so please tell me if there’s anything else you wanted to know or any details you noticed

[thebiasrekkers]

Star of Fate [Vampire!VIXX]

Plot: The longer you stare into darkness, the more you realize that something could be staring back. Even more so when that darkness doesn’t want to be brought into the light and will do anything to stay that way.

Rating: NC-17 // NSFW

Genre: Series | Vampire!AU | Angst | Romance/Fluff | Smut

Pairings: OT6 VIXX x OC(s)

Warnings: Graphic Violence (bloody violence), Heavy Language, Angst, Slow Burn, Smut

Additional Warnings: Office Microaggressions | Bullying | Toxic Work Environment

Previous Chapters: Prologue

Links: FAQ || VIXX Masterlist || Admin L’s AO3 || Admin L’s WP || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 2,682

AO3 | WP

Tag List: If you would like to be added to this list, just drop us an ask!

AN: So…I know we said this was coming soon and I’m very sorry that this got started so late! I hope to have this out every two weeks, maybe more depending on the future. So please give this a lot of love and we hope you enjoy the ride!

Chapter 2- The Ghost Woman and the Hunter

Calling on your sins you're here in my dreams a desert place I'm not alone Do you really want to be me?

Her eyes popped open, the realistic feeling of falling completely disorienting her as she shot up from her bed. It had felt so real to her that her body jerked itself awake. Light danced its way in through the blinds, chasing away all signs of shadow. Never had she been so glad that she hadn’t purchased black out curtains than in that moment. She needed to see the sun and all of its glory to help the dream fade away into existence. Well, at least certain parts of it. There was a wistful part of her that still wished that she could be on that dance floor again with the handsome and darker skinned man. 

“Oh my….FUCK!”

Lucky yelled as she looked over to her alarm clock, realizing that it was the source of the chimes that she heard in her dream. Throwing off her covers, she scrambled to get half-way put together so that way she wouldn’t be late to her job. She even called a cab to get her there faster which was unlike her normal routine. Unless there was inclement weather, of course. 

During the ride, she kept an eye on her phone--it lighting up every few seconds as she checked the time. She made it to her desk just in time to receive the stack of papers from some of the other people there. Normally she wasn’t such a space case, even showing up early to get whatever else she missed the previous day. Lucky was a hard worker, nobody could deny that but it was that fact others exploited hence the reason why the stack seemed to get larger and larger by the week. The world of office politics seemed to be much like high school but it paid well enough for her to put up with the majority of it. 

She straightened out her hair as best as she could with it being so long and settled down to start on her work. Most of it had been reports that she had to pencil push and correct, which was easy enough for her because all the information had been just sitting there inside of her head. However, the more difficult stuff came along when the Vice-President stuck his fingers into everything. She couldn’t help but groan when she looked at some of them, saving the majority of them for last so that way she could take extra time on them. 

“Job finally getting to you, Leonora?”

Lucky didn’t realize how long she had been working on them until the voice pulled her out of the zone she had settled into. Turning around, she saw another coworker standing right behind her with a slight smile on her face. No matter how many times she tried to be friendly to some of them, they insisted on resisting any attempts at professionalism and decorum. Well, unless someone higher up was around. Not to mention the fact that they also insisted on calling her by her government name instead of the nickname that she preferred. She gave the sweetest smile she could muster and stood up, green eyes twinkling. 

“Oh, there you are Nancy! I got so caught up in fixing your mistakes that I forgot to give you this folder back! Everything in there should be up to date now and I even took the liberty of sending off the final draft for you. It was the least I could do since I was the last one that had hands on it. You’re welcome.”

She gaped at Lucky for a moment and flipped open the folder to read what she had fixed. Nancy’s ears started to go red and her thin lips flattened as she pressed them together in anger. Lucky raised an eyebrow at her reaction, knowing that she saw what had been edited by her. It had only been a few mistakes but they were some that would have made their department look bad. Plus Lucky also added her name to the document as one of the contributing factors, more so because she went through the trouble of fixing everything. 

“I hope this teaches you to quit pushing your work off on me, Nancy. Have a good day.”

Lucky turned away from her and sat back down at her cubicle, leaving the sputtering woman there to be embarrassed. Even though she had her own computer there, they all had shared files that they could all access and she lived up to her nickname that she had the time to quickly edit everything before emailing it out. It had been one of the rare times that she was able to stick it to them and it honestly made her feel a sliver of satisfaction at the situation. 

Because she was just a little bit petty. 

The sudden ringing of her phone took her away from the moment, the voice of her boss calling for her. Lucky was a bit confused as she looked at the time as she wondered why he had reached out so early. It normally was after lunch that she would meet up with him to go over various things pertaining to her new position. Lucky had been promoted to be the Personal Assistant for the Vice President. Naturally, he had more than one that would work together with him being at such a high level but most of them had quit because of various rumors of his misogyny and unrealistic ideals. Hell, she was even friends with one of them when she found out that she no longer worked there. Rumors circulated with her leaving and even more when she was appointed in her stead. 

Now, Lucky was one of the very few left so that meant that she had been picking up a lot more work than normal. Not that she went out much anyways with the amount of work she had. 

She walked the halls to his office, only to be greeted by the desk clerk. The tiny lady handed her a folder and suggested she find something appropriate to wear. Confused, Lucky looked through the folder and saw that there were some instructions as well as some papers with details on the new VIP’s that they had recently joined with. 

“What the actual hell? Does he expect me to drop everything that I’m doing to go to this event with him? After hours, no less?”

The lady just shrugged and went back to her work. Lucky could feel her indignation rising but left before causing a scene. It was one thing if it was an actual work trip that she had to attend but that had been some sort of event to flaunt and rub elbows. There wasn’t a real reason why she needed to be there so why all the preparation? She returned to her desk and went through the folder in detail. The only promise that she would receive was an extra amount in pay if she went, something that actually interested her. She grumbled as she leafed through it but decided that it was just for one night and that if it happened again, she would put a stop to it. The bright side to it had been that she could take off early to prepare for the event. That was always something she could look forward to especially that day since she moved like hell to get there on time. 

The one person that she could freely talk to in the office came up to her with a grin on her face. She had originally been offered the position but declined it because of family reasons but she was nice to talk to regardless. 

“So Lucky.. I heard from a little bird that you’re going to the VIP event tonight with Mr. Randall.” She wiggled her eyebrows and elbow at her while Lucky just scoffed. 

“Yeah, I guess. I wonder how in the hell does crap go around here so fast? It’s like the freaking flu!” 

“You don’t sound so enthusiastic about it.”

“Ashleigh, I really don’t want to go but they’re promising extra pay this time if I do. I haven’t been sleeping well lately and now I gotta go to this… grandstandin’ event. I wish someone else could go.”

Her coworker leaned thoughtfully on the cubicle wall before leaning down to whisper. It was only times like that when they would get a bit of privacy. 

“You could always quit and get some more sleep? I heard that the other assistant quit as well. I thought, at first, that you had too when you didn’t arrive when you usually do. They’re saying that the abuse from the VP is to blame.”

“Yeah well, tell the handsome man in my dreams to quit bothering me so I can go by to my normal schedule and ignore some of these chickens.” Lucky’s hand motioned like a beak as they both had a laugh over that before returning back to work. However, Ashleigh’s words stuck with her. The VP hadn’t been shy about voicing his displeasure to her about various things, even requesting that she cut her hair but she respectfully declined his request. All she stated was that it was within the guidelines of the company and left it at that. Something that didn’t win her any favors. 

And if the other girl quit too, then the sinking feeling in her gut proved to be more of an ominous feeling. Either way, she would have to go and see how it played out. 

When time came for her to leave early, Lucky instead went shopping for appropriate attire for that night’s event. Even neatly braided her hair to keep it out of her face. Simple, neat and just a tad bit sexy in the red dress. Once satisfied with her result, she waited outside for the driver to come around and pick her up. Upon seeing the expensive car, Lucky suppressed a shudder when the door was opened to reveal Mr. Randall. It wasn’t necessarily seeing her boss after hours but more of a combination of the car and him. Small vehicles caused her a bit of stress since she was involved in an accident many years ago. Since then, normally she would either take the bus or bike when the weather was nice. 

Thankfully, her boss wasn’t too interested in making small talk with her once they got on the road. The city was left behind soon and various gas stations and trees zoomed by them. She didn’t put too much thought into it until the driver turned onto a long, paved road after a set of gates. The mansion that appeared made Lucky’s eyebrows shoot up, something picking at her brain. She couldn’t quite figure it out but it was as if she had seen that place before. She had to shake those thoughts from her head as she concentrated on remembering the information that was given to her earlier that day. 

Knowledge was power and she needed it to navigate that world if she didn’t want to embarrass or otherwise offend anyone. 

Upon exiting the car and entering the elaborate place, Lucky felt all the eyes in the world stare at them. Putting on a gracious face, she walked slightly behind her boss as they were greeted by some of the others there. A few moments chatting with some of them, she soon found herself alone in the area while the others mingled. She wasn’t anyone of importance and therefore not worthy of anyone’s time, for the moment. She would let her boss do all the talking. 

Lucky gravitated towards the hors d'oeuvres while everyone talked among themselves. Plucking a few to put on a plate, she watched the room for any sign that she would be needed. Several of the clients that were in the folder she received were there and they were laughing alongside everyone else. A couple even approached her, asking questions about the company and trying to get a little information from her about how to deal with her boss. She couldn’t honestly say anything to help in that situation because she usually just listened to him bark his orders before correcting anything she needed to. 

She was left alone for another time, only appearing at her boss’ side when needed as the night went on. Soon she felt herself grow tired of all the people and the politics of said beings. Lucky had several drinks before that point and was in the process of acquiring another when a voice nearly made her jump out of her skin. 

“They’re almost like vultures, are they not?”

She looked around and up at him as he was much taller than her, even in heels. The man knew he was handsome, smiling prettily at her as he held up his own glass of red wine in a toast. Lips full and round eyes, Lucky had to appreciate his looks before replying. 

“Well, I wouldn’t say that in particular.”

He gave a wide smile, eyes almost disappearing as they snickered at the rest of them. Lucky found herself talking more and more to the man who seemed just as bored as she was with the party. The more that she looked at him, the more that he seemed familiar to her and it dawned on her that he was one of the men from the folder. He had a nice voice, a bit higher than most of the men there but he didn’t hide it one bit. 

Lucky also noticed that the attention had been drawn to them just from them standing and talking to one another. He introduced himself as Jaehwan and they talked for another 15 minutes, slipping into easy conversation to keep themselves entertained. His jokes nearly had her spilling her drink, the folder not at all correct with the man before her. He was one of three men with his business, including one brother that rotated about in their company. 

Still, even with the jokes and the amicable banter between the both of them--her boss found that he had only missed the presence of Mr. Lee before her. 

“Ah. Leonora, I didn’t realize you had monopolized Mr. Lee’s time here tonight.” Her shorter framed boss then looked to Jaehwan with an apologetic look on his face, “Otherwise I would have saved you sooner!” Mr. Randall gave a laugh, expecting Jaehwan to laugh with him but didn’t. It surprised Lucky that her new friend didn’t go along with him on that but only sighed, looking to her in apology before speaking. 

“Leonora? And you said you were Lucky…” He grinned at her, ignoring her boss. She could see Randall’s face that he was growing annoyed, a face that showed up when things didn’t go his way. 

“Oh that’s just my assistant’s nickname that she tells everyone to call her even though we should be more professional. I’m her boss, Nicolas Randall. Vice-President of Nexus Assurance.” He held out his hand to shake but Jaehwan kept grinning at Lucky. His eyes suddenly were hyper focused on her, the doe eyed look that he did have--dissolved away. Almost like he had found something he really wanted.

“Uh well, I’ve been known to be lucky--hence the nickname.” She nervously laughed, highly aware that the tension was rising. Her eyes darted between Jaehwan as he continued to ignore her boss and the latter as he was getting more upset that the scene was even happening. That strange and ominous feeling was back, churning about the contents of her stomach. Jaehwan slowly turned from the friendly and open persona that he had while it was just the two of them, to something a bit more aggravated the longer her boss was there. There was a glint in his eyes that suggested something unfriendly was fighting its way out. 

Suddenly Jaehwan blinked rapidly before excusing himself but not before taking her hand and kissing it. Bewildered, Lucky watched him weave expertly through the crowd before taking a peek at her boss. 

And he was not pleased. 

[everydisneymovie]

Review #19: Alice in Wonderland

Post #22

6/18/2020

Next up is 1951′s Alice In Wonderland

Enjoyment : [3]

I did not have much fun watching this movie. I almost quit halfway through to watch 1988′s Alice out of pure boredom. This movie is charming when it is being artistic, but there is very little to hold onto in terms of story or character. I understand that the source material is very unstructured and more a series of short vignettes, but that style brings out the very worst in Disneys narrative laziness. Characters show up, contribute nothing, and then leave. Alice has no clear goals for a majority of the movie, her chasing of the white rabbit isn’t even prompted by anything. A simple scene showing that the rabbit dropped his handkerchief and Alice was trying to return it would have improved my investment 200% at least. Alice only seems to be motivated by boredom, and because she treats this world as a dream with no consequences there are not stakes until the red queen shows up. The visuals are great but not enough to make me care about it.

Quality : [4]

The animation is standard for Disney. The colors and character designs are closer to movie quality than the anthology films, but there still isn’t on the level of Bambi or Snow White. Some characters are wonderfully animated like the playing card guards and the signing flowers, but other characters feel very... how do I say this? It feels like Disney saw the word “mad” in the original book and just replaced it with “stupid” Characters are drawn with big noses, droopy eyes, speak with lisps, have their tongues hanging out and their words are slurred. The world of Wonderland does not feel like a surreal dream world running on moon logic, it feels like a bunch of drunk assholes breaking stuff as they stumble back home. The story structure is non existence and there is next to no set or pay off for anything or anyone, resulting in a movie that feels immature, not mad. The tone of Alice in Wonderland is the key component, since the story is just “Alice encounters someone wacky, continues walking, repeat.” The tone of this movie is more annoying than it is silly and that makes for a very poor viewing experience.

Hold up : [4]

Right away I noticed how limp the morals behinds this story were. Alice is framed as a ditzy dreamer who wishes for excitement and the world to be a bit more ‘mad’. Normally that would be sort of a monkeys paw situation, where she gets what she wants and learns it isn’t so great. But Alice is not be unreasonable, from what VERY little we see at the beginning her life is a bit boring and she is a bit distracted. Even if it is all a dream her being punished with decapitation for the crime of ‘being a bit bored one day’ seems a little harsh. It also feels very odd for the moral to be “don’t daydream kids, do your homework and don’t ever wish for anything out of the ordinary” coming from a company trying to build a brand on whimsy and fantasy. The movie has nothing too offensive beyond that, but there really is not substance to this movie at all, and that is disappointing. A message about the importance of imagination would have been so easy to push but they don’t even do that.

Risk : [4]

I will give Disney credit, Alice in Wonderland is a risk to adapt, and telling a purely visual story with such unique imagery was a leap of faith. The setting lends itself to great visuals but Disney has not had a great record telling compelling narratives and this was never going to be a movie that highlighted their strengths. I think Disney was too safe and too afraid to really go all out with this movie and thus is ends up feeling cute rather than stunning. They needed to take bigger risks and make this movie really unusual if they wanted to make it their own.

Extra Credit : [4]

I will give credit to the flower song, the cheshire cat, and the animation of the card guards. Those three moments were stunning and Disney really showed what they can do with their movies. However those were maybe 10 minutes total of a 75 minute movie and the rest was just boring.

Final thoughts:

I will state again, Disney replaced ‘Madness’ with ‘Stupidity’ in this movie and it dragged the whole project into the mud. Characters who should be acting strange just act annoying. Moments that should play as silly instead play as obnoxious. A good Alice in Wonderland story should feel like a waking dream. Colors flow into each other, things feel comforting and scary at the same time, snippets of larger places whizz by before we can register them... This movie was just a bunch of cartoon characters shouting really loudly while hitting things with hammers. I cannot stress how many times a character will just be ‘stupid’ and nothing else. It was genuinely weird to see how many characters were animated with their tongues sticking out as they flopped around and made fart noises. This does not feel like madness, it feels like the movie doesn’t care. You can have a movie with stupid characters, the important part is to not treat your audience like they are stupid as well. I was really disappointed with this movie since so many scenes are still vivid in my memory. I am sad to say it isn’t worth revisiting and you can skip it.

Total Score: 19/50

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[ambitionsource]

Heyy can i ask for a bonus content of rl and da first double date, like riley freaking out and lucas being like chill you know them and stuff

so this has been sitting in here for like months, thank you for your patience if u are still out there anon!

it’s definitely not a question as to whether or not rl and da are each other’s go to double date duo. it’s easily confirmed and in some ways always felt like an inevitability. it really does stand to wonder, as riley did in cruel summer, if things would’ve been different in s2 if she had dedicated more time to befriending asher and dylan as individuals rather than sort of knowing them through lucas -- if that friendship had been cemented earlier, perhaps the chain of events could’ve been shifted or changed entirely. it’s something to muse about, for sure. it’s especially true of dylan and riley, who we’ll see in s3 have built a quite close friendship and rapport in such a short amount of time. this is, again, bc they’re the definition of kindred spirits.

but yeah, back early in the summer of love, i don’t think such an easy friendship would’ve felt so guaranteed. yes, there’s always been some kind of magnetic draw from riley to lucas and the two of them, but she doesn’t know if that’s a) reciprocated and b) plausible. like i don’t think she worries that asher and dylan won’t like her, since they basically already all know each other, but its that feeling of like... you know. kind of like you said, just stressing that it will feel awkward or stilted and won’t just click into place

the key to this, honestly, is dylan. because even though asher and lucas can be as non-problematic as possible and lucas can assure riles up and down it will be fine and asher can express little to no apprehension towards the whole idea, both of them are... how do i put this. off-putting, in their own respective ways. i think lucas and asher are both extreme creatures of habit and so even if riley is welcome in their circle now, neither of them know like... how to Act to make that clear. they’re not going to much change their own behavior, which doesn’t make it abundantly Clear that riley is a very welcome new player. like asher will treat riley normally and be nice to her and enjoy her company you know, but he won’t be like RILEY IT’S SO AWESOME THAT YOU’RE HERE.

dylan, on the other hand, DOES have that energy. so that first afternoon in june when they decide to all get together and go drive up to the hideout and spend some time chilling there, dylan is completely on his a game. he just knows how to make someone feel welcome and comfortable, so he puts all those skills to work when they come together. asher and dylan pick riley and lucas up and he’s immediately visibly excited to see her, greets her eagerly, even tells asher to get in the back so riley can sit in the passenger seat up front with him. this is honestly a smart move, because it allows for dylan and riley to converse a lot more easily and doesn’t make the lack of interjection from lucas or softer tenor of asher’s contributions to the conversation feel as noticeable. so dylan asks riley a million questions the entire drive up there -- which is still a new journey for riley, because lucas has only shown her how to drive up there like once at that point -- while asher and riley pass control of music back and forth.

i think the thing that helps too in terms of making the whole thing feel more natural is the fact that it doesn’t FEEL like Two Couples Getting Together. it just feels like a group outing. like cause dasher have already been a unit but in tandem with lucas for so long, so it feels less like they’re two separate halves of the group and more just a... harmonious quadrilateral. also bc both of them are relatively informal and unconventional pairs, it doesn’t exactly feel like a Date. you know what i mean? like they’re not at all dressed up or acting like it’s this big serious outing, they’re just hanging out as friends that just happen to be two couples. so in a way, riley can prioritize her focus -- like rather than thinking about the Date aspect of it and how she needs to act with / around lucas (which at this point they’re still trying to get used to and navigate + explore, they’ve only been Together for like a couple weeks), she can focus on building her rapport and friendship with dylan and asher

and that’s basically how it goes. they get to the hideout, the boys kind of give her the unofficial “tour,” and then i figure the group of them were planning to picnic up there since they’re all kind of outdoorsy people to a degree and it’s not a broiling hot june afternoon and its nice and shady in the hideaway. so they all brought along pieces for the meal (where lucas got his contributions, they don’t ask, though they all can make assumptions -- in a week or so he’ll be teaching riley how to shoplift make up and small items out of convenience stores so) and then just chill and chat while they eat. and i think that would start out a little awkward for riley, just because the three of them have such an established rhythm and rapport and she has to figure out where her voice can chime in, but she gets the hang of it pretty quickly and by the middle of the meal she doesn’t feel nearly as nervous anymore

then i figure dylan and lucas decide theyre going to go check if the trail nearby is decent for a good post-lunch walk hike type deal, so asher and riley clean up together and that’s her chance to get a better reading on where she stands with asher. and when it’s just the two of them i think asher would get more shy, because that’s just who he is, but riley pretty quickly figures out that its not a fruitless situation between them here. like she can earn asher’s trust and become a closer friend with him, it’s just obviously not going to be as simple and nearly effortless as with dylan (both because he’s so sociable and also because, as they’ll come to truly know very soon on the road trip, they really are just kindred spirits as said above). she’ll have to take things bit by bit with asher and earn his favor with time, and she can work with that. she’s definitely starting off in NEGATIVe territory, like he does already like her company, its just about weaseling her way into his actual deep friendship territory which is very hard to break into with asher.

i think, on a slightly different angle, though i don’t think he would show it lucas would be equally nervous about the whole thing. not because of like, his own presentation (since he’s definitely the one with the most established credit with all parties involved), but because i think he worries that for some god forsaken reason they won’t like each other. this is kind of funny just given the fact that he is like the most polarizing and hard to swallow figure of the four of them LMAO, but also like i get it. its not a realistic concern, but its the kind of one you get when something very important is about to happen, like what is the worst thing that could happen in this scenario. and considering how crucial both riley and dasher are to his life, it obviously feels very... major, whether or not they can intermingle in a way thats natural and positive and ideally, good enough that people want to do so more often

lucky for him, he actually had nothing to worry about

-- Maggie

[kallypsowrites]

Okay, I know Game of Thrones has been done for months but I had another thought: There are a ridiculous ammount of characters that could have been completely removed from this season and nothing would have changed. Including:

1. Tormund--Didn’t ultimately save a major character or provide anything but comic relief. Never spoke for the freefolk in politics. Most major contribution was making Dany feel jealous when he talked about Jon being a dragonrider and that could have gone to a non-Tormund entity

2. Gendry--His being a Baratheon and loving Arya didn’t matter in the end. His becoming Lord of Storm’s end was an after thought. It didn’t change Arya’s trajectory. They didn’t even have a goodbye scene. You could have cut all of his scenes and Arya’s story would not have been changed. Even the weapon he gave her only lasted a short bit into the fight.

3. Edd-- Him surviving the wall had no meaning. He just died later. I guess he saved Sam but we’ll talk about him in a minute.

4. Yara-- Did saving her matter? Not really. She just showed up at the end to be pro-Dany for two seconds and she didn’t even get a chance to grieve for her brother. They just threw her to the side.

5. Bronn-- I still don’t understand why he wasn’t killed in season seven because he had nothing to do at all. His assassination plot went no where and didn’t even effect Jaime and Tyrion in any sort of noticeable way. Could have cut him completely.

6. Davos-- Never gave any advice that changed the course of anything. Just hung around Jon. Could have been deleted and it wouldn’t matter.

7. Rhaegal-- Jon riding Rhaegal did basically nothing. The dragon barely breathed any fire and then he got killed in a shocking scene. Not that any of the dragons mattered outside of Drogon in this show but whatever.

And then there are characters that only mattered as props in other characters storylines or made BARELY any contributions, INCLUDING:

1. Missandei-- literally just there to get killed off to hurt Daenerys. Her language skills, her advice, her love with Greyworm. Doesn’t matter. She’s a plot device. Fuck, she and Dany didn’t even have any scenes together in this season.

2. Jaime-- Helped fight the dead I guess, and killed Euron who would have died anyway. Cersei would have died whether he returned or not. Could have literally not been in the fifth episode and nothing would have changed. he could have just stayed in the north and nothing would have changed and that’s bad writing.

3. Brienne-- Guess she had her romance with Jaime but then she wasn’t able to do anything about him leaving. She saved Jaime from execution at the beginning but, as we’ve discussed, Jaime has barely anything to do to impact the plot this season so *shrug*. All of Brienne’s agency and arc was taken away from her because D&D don’t give a shit.

4. Cersei-- FUCKING CERSEI who SHOULD have had a huge impact. Her ONLY action that effected the plot was executing Missandei. Hiring the golden company made no difference, she had no counter attack plan. Somehow Euron ‘no one cares’ Greyjoy ended up doing more. And yeah I know he ‘acts on Cersei’s orders’ so maybe we’ll give her the Rhaegal kill by extentsion but GOD she needed more of an impact.

5. Sam-- He revealed Jon’s parentage and it seemed like he might be a major person to back Jon for the throne or plot against Daenerys since he doesn’t like her but he does nothing else for the remainder of the show (not even stick up for Jon at the council). I guess he comes up with the title of a book. Yipee.

6. Bran-- I don’t blame Bran for this one because I think if D&D knew how to write magic at all, they would have gone into detail about what he was doing during the Battle of Winterfell. As it is, they made him seem like he was useless which is WRONG. Bran is supposed to be one of the MAIN PEOPLE behind the Night King’s defeat. Whether he was more involved int he strategy or we saw more of his visions or SOMETHING. D&D don’t know how to magic.

7. Jon-- You might say ‘Jon? But he killed Dany!’ Yep and that sure is the ONLY THING he did for the entire season. He didn’t even get to kill a wight dragon, he stood around during the genocide and could not change anything and then he ended up back beyond the wall, back at the beginning. Most of his arc or agency was eclipsed by Daenerys.

8. The Night King-- Killed only side characters and left no lasting impact on Westeros afterwards. Snow was already melting a week later.

Honestly, I probably missed some. But the characters who did the most to move the plot this season were Daenerys, Sansa, Arya, Tyrion and EURON of all people along with some side characters like the Hound, Melisandre and Berric. It’s a big ensemble cast and they didn’t know what to do with nearly all of them but in writing you HAVE to have a point for your characters. If you don’t, the audience notices and it becomes obvious that you have no idea what you’re doing.

Anyway, rant over. i’m tired.

[justtheendoftheday]

The Return of the Living Dead (1984)

 “Why do you eat people?”

“Not people. Brains.”

————————————— 

The army accidentally sends a tank containing the mysterious chemical 245-Trioxin to a medical supply warehouse in Kentucky. But when the tank springs a leak the dead begin to reanimate and go on the hunt for human brains!

—————————————

Fright: 2 / 5 Dead-end Jobs

Personally I find this one to be too over-the-top to be particularly scary. But there certainly are some creepy scenes, especially for those with lighter tolerances for scares.

But generally most of the scares the movie has come more from a spooky sight or a creepy idea than from a constructed atmosphere of fright.

Admittedly I could see it contributing to someone’s fear of their basement though. Because if I saw a tarman zombie lurch out of the shadows in my basement I would lose my shit.

Gore: 3 / 5 Brains

As you can expect from a zombie movie, there’s some gore.

Although the gore is a bit tame by today’s zombie movie standards. There’s just a few scenes that are going a long way to tip the ratings scale higher than the majority of the film would otherwise warrant.

[Expect a little blood, a medical model of dog that’s been laterally bisected to show interior anatomy, two spooky-looking reanimated corpses that get a fair bit of screen time and received a lion’s share of the effects budget, a shot of some brains, some people getting bitten into, and what I can only describe as a scene where pacman gets his head sawed off.]

Jump Scares: Almost none

There’s one scene where they have a bit of a “Surprise!” moment. But that’s about as far as it goes. There isn’t anything that I’d consider a heavily constructed “I’m gonna make this audience jump so hard!” jump scare.

Maybe just a couple light startles.

—————————————

Review:

The Return of the Living Dead is an incredibly enjoyable punk-themed 80s-horror romp and secretly one of the most influential zombie movies ever made.

Thoughts:

In today’s world of horror movies I would argue that there are 3 primary styles of zombies:

Romero

Rabies

The Return of the Living Dead

Romero and company may have created the modern concept of a zombie, but the pop culture image of a zombie is actually a mashup of all three.

For instance?

The dead coming back to life to feast on the living? Romero.

If you get bit by a zombie you become a zombie? Rabies.

To kill a zombie you must remove the head or destroy the brain. Romero. [although it’s an equally efficient way to killing most anything.]

And last but not least, the one that is utterly unique to The Return of the Living Dead:

BRAINS!

Even though zombies are now famous for their love of eating brains, it’s a feature that is exceedingly rare in zombie movies. And it started right here!

With this very movie!

I bring up this bit of trivia because, a) it’s interesting, b) it’s fun to talk about zombies, and c) because it goes to show that The Return of the Living Dead is a movie that plays by its own rules.

And that’s what makes it so much friggin’ fun.

Although it’s also what makes it a tricky film to describe properly.

It’s often described as a Horror Comedy, but I’d say it’s not a comedy in the sense that Shaun of the Dead is a comedy, but more of how An American Werewolf in Paris is a comedy? I'd say it’s more fun than funny.

And it’s not really a straight horror movie like Night of the Living Dead was, because it’s more spooky than scary.

To make it even trickier, I also feel like it sits right near that edge of what separates a really good movie from a movie that’s enjoyable due to how derpy it all is.

You get the sense at times that if they had just played everything as a straight piece of horror it would have been an enjoyable—yet rather cheesy—bit of 80s B-horror.

But because they never take themselves too seriously, all the pieces are allowed to come together. All those moments that would have been awkward or clunky or absurd before, suddenly fit perfectly into place.

Take the character of Trash for example.

Trash is part of a group of local punks and is...uh...pretty open with her sexuality. At one point the group is partying and she starts taking off her clothes and dancing.

When that sort of thing happens in a horror movie it’s hard not to roll your eyes a bit and go, “Oh, jeeeeez. Leave it to a horror movie to throw in some gratuitous nudity.”

But then events unfold and she never really manages to get her clothes back on. And not because she just dies immediately afterward (which is what would normally happen in an 80s horror movie)! It’s just that she never really gets the opportunity.

And thus what would have normally been a bit of gratuitous nudity, is taken to the next level and—whether intentionally or not—suddenly starts to work as an almost satirical look at the way nudity is so often featured in Horror movies.

Basically this is a movie that delights in thwarting your expectations.

Which makes it 80s punk overtones all the more fitting. It mocks authority, loves defying conventions, and embraces a certain style of “we’re all fucked, so we might as well just have some fun.”

—————————————

—————————————

Content warnings: No animals die in the movie but a handful of already dead ones get reanimated, a character spends the majority of the movie naked.

After-credits scene?: None

—————————————

—————————————

Directed by: Dan O’Bannon

[ The Resurrected (1991) ]

Story by: Rudy Ricci, John Russo, and Russell Streiner

Screenplay by: Dan O’Bannon

[ Alien (1979), Invaders From Mars (1986), Total Recall (1990) ]

Edited by: Robert Gordon

[ The Blue Lagoon (1980), Toy Story (1995) ]

Cinematography by: Jules Brenner

[ Teen Wolf Too (1987) ]

Country of Origin: USA

Language: English

Setting: Louisville, Kentucky, USA

Sequels:

Return of the Living Dead Part II (1988) Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993) Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (2005) Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005)

If you enjoyed this you might also like:

Dead Alive (1992) [a.k.a Braindead] , Re-Animator (1985), Night of the Living Dead (1968), Shaun of the Dead (2004)

—————————————

Context Corner:

First of all, let me point out that I’ve read multiple accounts of people who said Dan O’Bannon was a douche. And judging from interviews it seems that he treated the female actors (especially Beverly Randolph) rather poorly. Not Alfred Hitchcock levels of mistreatment by any means, but still.

Second of all, this film’s existence has a rather strange origin. But it goes a little something like this:

Night of the Living Dead was the brain child of three guys: George Romero, John Russo, and Russell Streiner. After they parted ways (and after some light legal action) Romero got the rights to do his own sequels under the “of the Dead” title, but Russo got the right to the “Living Dead” title.

And so Russo and Streiner decide to write their own sequel to NotLD and it starts to get produced. Dan O’Bannon is brought in to pump up the script and when the film losses its planned director O’Bannon he is offered the position. However, he only does so on the condition that he can do a major rewrite of the film.

The original script was very much a sequel to NotLD, but O’Bannon wanted RotLD to stand out and thus purposefully set out to make their zombies unique and give it all a different sort of tone.

—————————————

“Christ, it ain’t dying!”

“I thought you said if we destroyed the brain it died?”

“It worked in the movie.”

“Well, it ain’t working now, Frank!”

“You mean the movie lied!?”

[philadelphialunchrestaurant-blog]

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Comes to an end afternoon before the Toil Day holiday and just one teller to help- absurd wait- very aggravating! Clearly may care concerning customer service.

Reviews

I had the fee in the credit card My partner and i was trying to cancel. I referred to as customer program with 10/31, spoke to a extremely kinds individual who put in my dispute (#14854307) and stated I would have this funds launched within forty eight hours, We produce an email confirming that furthermore. This interest charges were released in 48 hours but not necessarily the charged. I known as again on 11/7 on 4: 10 spoke to a new man, provided proof my own request to the firm in order to cancel my demand. Described that again this budget in dispute were not introduced. This individual claimed that they ended up returned back to my abolished cc number in problem and that the funds would be back with my new card in 48 hours. Again most of these chats are recorded. Since 7: 45 this morning hours the money had even now not necessarily been credited. My spouse and i directed wells fargo a good e-mail, no response. My partner and i called on my break in which the call up ended at 9: 19. The first woman that will I speech to said that she found that will the request was submitted to have the credit rating transferred from terminated credit score card to the in service one, but that this will take 5-10 business enterprise days and nights to have the credit applied not really twenty four hours. I inquired her exactly why I was first lied to instead of provided accurate information on the decision on 11/7 in which often they already have the recording often the I was lied for you to and not really chosen appropriate information, She am not able to response my question, Specialists in order to communicate to a supervisor. My spouse and i spoke to Claudette who also again said of which this transfer would definitely not take place with regard to five to ten enterprise days, never ever after responding to the inconvience that was causing me or perhaps appoligizing for the problem that will caused the money to be transferred to a good cc number they will terminated or the other miscalculation they made in which will I has been certainly not presented accurate data. She performed not care. Definitely not solely does Wells Fargo generate false accounts, which can be fraudulence, but they outright along recorded calls lie for their customers. Never ever perform business enterprise with this bank. As soon as it is resolved I will always be going anywhere else!!!

Reviews

Super tiny location. That they only acquired one company when we went. Workers was friendly. Simply no restroom. Free 30 minutes airport parking out front.

Wells Fargo Bank in Portland

Wells Fargo Bank, 635 SW 6th Ave Portland, OR 97204

Reviews

I am the treasurer of the small non-profit group. Charitable contributions and book sales can be found in at random instances. The projects like educational shows, books etc can certainly take some sort of lot involving money. have been working with wells forgo for years however the costs incurred by Wells Fargo will be draining our balances together with reducing what we can do. $10/month for checking plus another $6/ month for savings. $192 a year- even though that amount seem to be like much it decreased what we are capable of doing. Bore holes Fargo wasn't willing to stop changing we closed both accounts and planning to a further bank that isn't asking fees.

Reviews

Are typically in a few times with regard to questions and am often still left happy in addition to secure together with my business with Water wells Fargo. Perfect people worki there way too, wish I actually could remember brands.

Reviews

My broker was so patient together with valuable setting up my trading accounts. Wells Fargo is some sort of huge loan provider but at this point at this place not any one will fall throughout the cracks. Feels nice to be respected and taken care of. Cheers Donald!

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Wells Fargo in Portland, OR 97201

Wells Fargo Bank, 1300 SW 5th Ave Portland, OR 97201

Reviews

Stopped here after job to downpayment my massive bonus offer check on an account I've had to get many years. I was admonished the fact that because it was soon after 4 on Wednesday that will the funds would definitely not be available until finally Friday. I say admonished for the reason that vibe I obtained seemed to imply that I has been some kind of felonious hobo trying to pull a quick one. I experienced no purpose of yanking the money outside correct after I put it in. Nevertheless , in this particular day time and era, We think it's total B. Ersus. that the cash isn't very available right away. Hell, whenever I employ my debit card, I actually can check my balance online five minutes later on and find out the transaction. Will Wells Fargo use the particular Pony Exhibit to fetch the cash through the banking companies that cut us inspections? Otherwise, I don't know precisely why those orders acquire times when other individuals get mere seconds. Made us grouchy.

Evaluations

Awful customer support, all people viewed like they will completely hated their jobs... often the manager(Sara? ) had been extremely impolite and less than professional. This only smiling face taking in the room seemed to be from the brokerage.

Testimonials

The customer services is here is really lacking. Let's be sincere. It merely requires plain sucks. My spouse and i was informed I'd include to sit down with an account supervisor to modify some thing minor on my own account. My spouse and i went inside on a good Friday plus no one surely could accomplish it so they told us they'd call myself very first thing on Wednesday to set up a great appnt. They even verified my own phone number. Some sort of couple of weeks later and I still don't have heard from these people. My spouse and i was initially just through there now, your bank was initially empty, I could observe four account managers at their desks, only a single which was helping a customer, together with We has been told someone would be perfect with us. Fifteen moments later, still zero acknowledgment, so My spouse and i received upwards and left. I've truly disliked having WF because my bank for quite a good while these days, and this particular has been the final hay. Give thanks to you to get ultimately pushing me to seek out a new bank/credit association to be able to transfer all of our accounts to!! I are going to be with a new standard bank by following full week. Cheers again!

Wells Fargo Bank Portland, OR

Wells Fargo Bank, 1405 Lloyd Ctr Portland, OR 97232

Reviews

I really like my local community, but you can find no financial institutions close to my home. The particular only ATM's within taking walks distance are those questionable convenient kiosks that charge a couple of bucks. Those CREDIT bandits are withdraw just, naturally , so any other banking orders My spouse and i have to accomplish need some sort of special trip in the car. That makes me grouchy. Gratefully, the people at this kind of Wells Fargo diverge together with generally very pleasant. Now i am welcome with a enjoyable hello and some cheery chit-chat. Nice folks.

Reviews

The customer service here is below doble, and Wells Fargo inside general has been leading to us issues. The on-line accounts encounter issues as soon as a good calendar month, and I've experienced anatomical problems having the ATM at this area. When calling and acquiring the tellers browsing on me through the windowpane, they just continued to consume their food and ended up hesitant to help even nevertheless they could observe everyone on the phone dialling with the window while his or her cell phone was ringing in addition to they were only 12-15 minutes from beginning.

Reviews

I traveling frequently and love to become ready to stop simply by limbs as needed. My spouse and i ended into this branch and was treated now kindly. Everyone had some sort of smile and you could say to many people come in often. I love seeing company's have a compact town feel, especially around a hustle and bustle town.

Reviews

Seems going to be able to this branch for a long time mainly because my possibilities will be confined. I steer clear of coming into this branch on just about all prices. Twice now, a couple months apart, the same teller offers incorrectly applied a pair number of dollar payment in my credit card. Give thanks lord the pin number pad questions the customer to verify in advance of processing! One card I use usually for big purchases and the additional merely actually has ten to twenty dollars charged to it. Currently, I possibly said, "payment on the Cash Smart to Visa please" and she EVEN NOW put it on the particular additional card. The credit card that is presently PAID OFF. Also, a few yrs ago, a banker almost closed my accounts I actually share with the mother while i was at this time there with my own ex-fiancé for you to close our mutual balances. No one seems for you to spend any attention to be able to the details in the dealings they are processing. Now i'm so glad My partner and i changed the majority of my banking must a Credit rating Union.

Reviews

I actually had a good negative opening experience with this loan provider. I should have identified going for walks in, when I actually was attacked by some sort of fellow purchaser that it was planning downhill. Not of which My spouse and i hold this institution accountable for that. But I went in to order a few Canadian currency like their web page specifically clarifies their normal operating time with an cosmopolitan teller. I go in plus stand in line through the given times merely to learn the fact that "international teller" has in reality gone home and Items need to return another day. I used to be then told to be able to be sure into the future in during the morning when to ensure what We wanted was obtainable. My spouse and i understand the currency is definitely "first come, initially served" but upon contacting before my next take a look at, My spouse and i was told that had been not necessary. Consistency in connection in particular with retail can be pretty significant if a person ask me.

Wells Fargo Bank 97209

Wells Fargo Bank, 845 NW 11th Ave Portland, OR 97209

Reviews

We have only had excellent experiences with this subset of Wells Fargo. Whenever I go in I am approached the instant I walk in and certainly not possess to wait more compared to a time to be helped. I have caused the brokers (John plus Mitch) on this side branch numerous times to deal with supervision issues about both business and private accounts and have always was feeling well taken care associated with and all problems possess been recently quickly solved. Kudos!

Reviews

It takes some sort of lot for me to assessment a bank. I click on over for my do the job dealings like expense record take a look at cashing etc. I could utilize the ATM but I get in every moment. The people are why. Super nice and good. I think they recognize myself. Probably. l certainly not but you get that will perception. Furthermore they constantly have straps connected with $2s and I love that. Parking would be testing nevertheless I walk together with cycle.

Reviews

Tom as well as manager Michael will be amazing. I used to work with regard to Wells Fargo and may honestly say I've never ever viewed such amazing customer care around my years of financial. Thank you for resolving my troubles in addition to being so eager to support.

Critiques

Ok which means this bank can be HELLA outside of my way for literally every thing My partner and i need and there are usually nearer locations I could use yet I may not go at any place although here because I really like these kind of people. This staff is really freaking sweet and friendly and My spouse and i feel want they may my personal good friends hoping for us to do well. The bankers are really knowledgeable trying to help me in just about any way they can. They're very invested in the life and it is very reassuring! Mike with this branch is the nicest man together with is generally there as i need him. Highly, REALLY highly recommend this specific office. Is actually great. And Wells Fargo as a financial institution is just great. Quick to get rid connected with fees along with the app is usually hella straightforward to navigate. I'm a enormous fan so far!

Reviews

This kind of has not necessarily been my usual branch to accomplish business throughout, but I've had excellent service in this article every time My spouse and i occur in. Most recently, I actually had a fairly obnoxious transaction that essential several verifications, and was assisted proactively by Claudia here. Cheers for your follow-up in addition to working with me!

[littlehouseofkarlacade]

Darkness of Wonderland: NaNoWriMo 2019 Day 2

Word Count: 2079

Total Word Count: 3749/50000

Day 1

~~

When the bus reached Lyssie’s stop, she stood, pulling on the string above her head. She was never sure whether that actually worked to alert the driver or not, since he tended to stop at the stop every day anyway, but she figured it never hurt to do it anyway.

Upon leaving the bus, Lyssie patted herself down to make sure she still had everything she came onto the bus with, and when that was settled — for there were rather distrustful characters on the bus occasionally — she set off on her way home. Yet another twenty or so minutes of walking, since her house was so far off any sort of main roads that it was a bit of a trip to get there. Never mind the additional fact that it required her to walk alongside the highway… Occasionally, she would end up with someone pulling over on the side of the road, asking her if she wanted a ride home. She always refused, however; she was smarter than just to take some offered ride from a stranger who could end up doing God knew what with her once she was in their car.

However, going with music blaring in her ears, the trip home was made rather easily. Nobody pulled over today, nobody sped up to make an attempt to fake-hit her — since people also did that occasionally, and it was something that got old incredibly quickly — and she reached the house faster than she had anticipated she would. After freeing the carabiner keychain that hung off her hip, she unlocked the front door and entered the house.

It was a small house, with a simple living room, a small kitchen, one bedroom, and one bathroom. Most people, Lyssie figured, would be unhappy living in such a cramped dwelling, but it was perfect for someone with a budget like hers. Besides that, she lived alone. She didn’t feel the need for more than one bedroom. It wasn’t as if she could afford to be terribly picky, either: while her mother had contributed some help with furniture and other home furnishings, Lyssie herself paid the rental deposit and other associated fees to move in entirely out of her own pocket. After all, she was old enough to do so, so why wouldn’t she?

After a moment, she sighed and plopped herself on her loveseat, taking her earbuds out and kicking her shoes off. “Thank hell that’s over,” she muttered, running her fingers through her hair.

As if in reply, a sudden meow sounded, and when Lyssie turned to look, her cat jumped from the floor to land on the back of the loveseat. “Oh, hello, Cookie Dough,” said Lyssie, adjusting herself to bring the cat over. Cookie Dough was a rather large cat; when she had received her, Lyssie had been told that her breed was something called an ocicat, though whatever that meant, she had no idea. Regardless, what had caught her attention the most about this cat was the fact that her coat was beautiful, silver, and spotted. Lyssie had fallen for her immediately, and the cat had firmly attached herself to her by the time she had brought her home. Even now, as Lyssie began to pet her, Cookie Dough instantly began to purr like the contented humming of a car, or rather, what Lyssie figured a contented car would sound like. Were cars ever able to be content? Probably not, considering they were inanimate objects, but… if they could be, what would life be like? Would cars simply refuse to run of they were mistreated and angry about it? Would a happy car go as fast as it could, with no input from its driver?

What strange thoughts. Strange thoughts were no stranger to her, however; she had them every so often, whenever she would allow her mind to wander. Perhaps it was her brain’s way of attempting to keep her above water, above the depths of her hidden despair at her life’s circumstances. Or perhaps she was just strange herself. Sure. That was what it was.

Cookie Dough meowed again, pressing her head into Lyssie’s hand before moving upward, climbing onto her chest to push her head into Lyssie’s face. “Oh, what?” Lyssie asked, giving the cat’s head some scratches. “Are you lonely? Is that it, Cookie? Did you miss me all day? Well, that’s no wonder, I’ve been at work all day…” She smiled, continuing to pet Cookie Dough as the cat’s tail flicked around and the purring continued. Oh, what a clingy cat Cookie Dough was. The only true delight in Lyssie’s life, that was Cookie Dough. Oh well, one delight was better than none, wasn’t it?

A stern vibration from Lyssie’s back pocket sounded just then, right before the jolly, staccato sounds of one of her standard ringtones interrupted. With a sigh, Lyssie moved and pulled her phone out of her pocket, with a miniature groan once she saw the word ‘Mom’ on her screen. Oh, no. “Hello?” she asked, picking it up.

“Alyssa!” the jovial voice of her mother sounded, even as Lyssie cringed.

“Mom, I’ve told you,” Lyssie answered. “If you could even pretend to remember, I go by Lyssie. You know this. Or, rather, you should.”

“Oh, Lyssie, I’m so sorry. I was just calling to see how you’re doing! How’s the job? How are you doing financially? Is everything covered?”

Lyssie sighed for a moment, thinking on just how to tell her mother that she despised this job more than any other job she’d ever had in her life without sounding like an absolutely spoiled brat. “The job… is okay, I guess. It could be better. Way better. Then again, I guess that’s all retail, isn’t it?”

Her mother was silent for about an equal moment, and Lyssie could practically see her shrugging, in the way she always did when she wasn’t actually listening. “Yes, unfortunately, that is all retail. Don’t worry, Lyssie. You just have to work here for a few years, and you’ll find another job. It’ll be fine! Or, you could even move up from your current position, then you wouldn’t have to even worry about finding another job!”

Lyssie rolled her eyes. Retail was not her calling, and she knew that. She knew that better than she knew anything else in her life. She was not a people person, and customer service was the worst position for someone like her to be in. “I don’t want to be in retail my whole life, Mom. I’m hoping for something else that’s not that.”

“Lyssie…” Her mother sighed in exasperation. “Life isn’t all about hopes and dreams, dear. It’s fine to have a dream that you’re working towards, but sometimes it just isn’t feasible. In the end, you’re just going to have to settle like everyone else does. Besides, I know you haven’t gone to college yet, and that’s something you’ll need if you want to get out of retail.”

The redhead sighed. Why on earth did she ever talk to her mother? Every time the subject of her job, of her ideal profession came up, she was always saying things like this. It had been this way since Lyssie was a teenager, when she was preparing for life outside her mother’s house. The thought of a dream is nice, but you have to be realistic. You’re going to have to conform and do your fair share of work, Alyssa. You’re going to have to pay bills like the rest of us. It’s much better to do something practical with your life, like social work, or nursing.

Sure, it may have been good advice for some people, but Lyssie had never seen it that way. Then again, her mother had never been the most supportive individual, either. Whenever any of Lyssie’s interests had come up in conversation, her mother had shot all talk of them down, and since they were not something she herself was interested in, apparently they had no worth to her. In Lyssie’s point of view, if her mother would not have bothered with it, then the interest was worth nothing. Quite a stifling way to live as a child, and it had certainly been instrumental in teaching Lyssie how exactly not to talk about her interests.

“I’m aware I haven’t gone to college, Mom,” she answered. “How in the hell do you expect me to pull that off? I’m working part-time because they don’t want to give anyone full-time, I’m barely able to handle the bills alone, and getting a new job isn’t an option because guess what? They’re all hiring for the same hours, they’re all part-time hours, not full-time! And most of them are for less pay, too! I’ve got the best-paying job I could find, and that’s unfortunately not going to change anytime soon, Mom.”

“Oh, Lyssie, I know it’s hard.” Her mother’s tone, while outwardly sympathetic, seemed to also drip with a tinge of annoyance. “I’ve been in your shoes, okay? I understand how hard it is. But, if it was up to me, I would feel like you need to try a bit harder, is all. There’s more to life than just retail, and even if you can’t find it for ten years, that’ll be ten years of experience under your belt that others wouldn’t get in your shoes! Look at you: you’re living alone at age twenty-five, something that not a lot of people do now! Most of them are going on twenty-seven, twenty-eight, and still living with their parents! And the parents aren’t doing anything about it!”

That’s because nobody can afford shit on their own, thought Lyssie in irritation. It’s cheaper to live with your parents or a roommate now, because rent costs and shit are way too expensive…  But, there was no way in hell of getting her mother to understand that, unfortunately. As well-meaning as she was, Lyssie’s mother was still stuck in her very old-fashioned ways.

“Look, I just think you need to step back and appreciate where you are now,” her mother continued. “Not a lot of people can say they’ve gotten here on their own, after all! And before you can say anything to the contrary, I am proud of you, Alyssa. I would just be a bit more proud of you if you applied yourself in your work, and truly ascended to the position that you deserve to be in!”

“It’s not from lack of trying,” she muttered, letting the anger seep into her voice a bit. “It’s a bit more difficult now than it was in your day to get promoted, Mom. It’s not ‘work hard and stay with the company for the large majority of your life anymore. These people don’t care about seniority, Mom. They don’t care how long you’ve worked somewhere. If they decide they don’t like you anymore, they’ll just throw you the hell out, just as soon as if you were someone who only started yesterday, or last week, or something. Just because you haven’t worked in twelve years doesn’t mean you know what’s going on now.”

“Lyssie…”

“No, Mom, I’m done talking about this, okay? I’m not where I want to be, and I’m not where you want me to be, and I know that, okay? I’m doing my best here, and I’d really like it if you could just appreciate that for once in your life.”

There was yet another moment of silence from her mother before a different question arose. “So, how is Cookie Dough? Is she still being my good baby girl?”

Damn, you switched off that topic quick, Lyssie thought. “She’s fine. And she’s my baby, she barely knows you. Last time you saw her, she was a kitten. She’s pretty big now, but I think she’s the biggest she’s going to get. I hope, at least.”

“Oh, that’s good. Oh! That reminds me! What would you like to do for Christmas this year? Would you like me to come out there, or do you think you can come out here again?”

Yet another sigh came from Lyssie. “I don’t know, Mom, okay? I’m running a bit short on money. I had some unexpected expenses these past couple of months. We’ll see.”

“Well, okay. If you change your mind, let me know, alright?”

“Okay, Mom. I have to go.”

“Just think about what I said.

[wendynerdwrites]

"[W]ho is more stupid then Sansa Stark? I read book...one and only cruel in here is Sansa who lied, traitor, and defeat her whole family.”

Find it funny that the same people who go on about how stupid and awful Sansa was for going to Cersei about Ned planning to leave King’s Landing and thus “destroying her family” (because apparently this one mistake was the only mistake ever made by the Starks and is what caused everything bad that ever happened to them. This apparently caused Robb to jilt the Freys, Edmure to drop the ball at Stone Mill, Theon to sack Winterfell, freed Jaime Lannister,  made Ned tell Cersei he knew about her children, killed Ned’s guards, killed Jon Arryn, convinced Joffrey to execute Ned instead of sending him to the Wall, made Balon Greyjoy decide to go to war, pushed Bran out the tower window, “destroyed the Stark armies”, killed all those Starks that are still alive... )

Are the same who never bring up that Daenerys took a woman whose home and people were destroyed by her husband, who was gangraped by her husband’s men, and thought “Yes, I must insist that she give my husband first aid.” Who needed the fact of “Your Khal and his men raped me a dozen times and killed everyone and everything I ever loved. NO SHIT I POISONED HIM AND CURSED YOU” SPELLED OUT FOR HER AFTER THE FACT. A decision which totally DOES NOT defy all logical sense, despite Daenerys having FAR more information available to her than Sansa ever had. A decision that TOTALLY DOES NOT involve her actively ignoring the atrocities surrounding her done IN HER NAME and getting her husband and child killed as a result. Nope, nothing stupid, self-destructive, or insensitive about THAT.

Are the same people who never bring up that Jon, without ANY EXPLANATION OF MITIGATING CIRCUMSTANCES OR PROPER CONSULTATION announced to his brothers that he was abandoning a mission Beyond the Wall and break his vows and expected them to follow him. EVEN THOUGH HE KNEW that tons of his brothers already considered him a traitor, a wildling-lover, and a political opportunist.

Who don’t bring up that Robb’s entire strategy towards taking down the Lannisters involved keeping them boxed in so Tywin couldn’t ride for King’s Landing and required Edmure to STAY IN POSITION and not, say, RUN OFF TO COUNTER AN ATTACK ELSEWHERE. Yet NEVER EVEN BOTHERED TELLING EDMURE THAT so he didn’t accidentally let Tywin through by running off to the Mill to protect some people in the Riverlands which is kind of LITERALLY HIS JOB. Or bring up that Robb was told repeatedly NOT to let Theon go to Pyke and did it anyways. Decisions that directly resulted in A) Tywin making it to Blackwater and securing the Tyrell alliance, leaving the Northern armies adrift in the Westerlands with NO RECOURSE and NO STRATEGY LEFT and b) Winterfell being sacked and Bran and Rickon being driven from their homes.

Who don’t bring up that Doran Martell decided to gaslight and evade his daughter for fucking DECADES, secretly plotting to marry her to a Targaryen Prince (because marrying a Targaryen WORKS OUT SO WELL FOR MARTELL WOMEN) without even telling her and instead pretended to consider marrying her off to WALDER FREY and was shocked, SHOCKED! When Arianne ended up deciding she was fucking DONE and plotting something that ended with Myrcella Lannister being maimed and his entire con with the Lannisters nearly being exposed, thus endangering his entire family. AGAIN. And SOMEHOW STILL THINKS PLAYING POLITICAL GRAB-ASS WITH PSEUDO-TARGARYENS IS A GOOD IDEA.

Who don’t bring up how Ned Stark decided that KEEPING HIS DAUGHTERS IN A CITY CONTROLLED BY THE LANNISTERS AFTER CERSEI ORDERED JAIME AND SANDOR TO HUNT DOWN ARYA, letting them wander the city and castle grounds without proper guards or supervision, and leaving Sansa, WHO HE BETROTHED TO A KID HE KNOWS TO BE A MONSTER AND STILL DOESN’T BOTHER EVEN SPEAKING WITH HER ABOUT in the care of a woman who passes out drunk at public events and literally NO ONE ELSE was a thing. But that wasn’t stupid or negligent or ultimately destructive to his family AT ALL!

Who don’t bring up that Tyrion enacted a plan at Blackwater that involved basically burning down a third of the city and didn’t bother putting any contingencies in place to protect the citizens who lived in said third of the city, then was baffled when people hated him and didn’t talk about how great he was for Blackwater. RIGHT TYRION, THE ONLY REASON THE NOW-HOMELESS BEGGAR WOMAN HATES YOU IS BECAUSE YOU’RE A DWARF. THAT IS LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON WHATSOEVER (an yes, I know it’s A reason. I know prejudice exists and Tyrion’s constantly dealing with that, but writing it off as the only reason would be like me saying that the reason I ever get criticized is because I’m a woman/Jewish.). 

Or how Tywin, upon being presented with the PERFECT OPPORTUNITY to destroy the Starks’ political clout by merely pressing his suit against Catelyn Stark’s illegal abduction of Tyrion, CHOSE TO UNLEASH THE MOUNTAIN ON THE RIVERLANDS, MAKING HIM LIABLE FOR CRIMES AGAINST THE REALM. A supposed political mastermind, with all information available to him, with GRANDCHILDREN POISED TO INHERIT THE IRON THRONE, with extensive experience in intrigue and law, had the perfect opportunity to sue THE FUCK out of the Starks and completely disenfranchise them politically on COMPLETELY LEGAL GROUNDS at the cost of no more than a ride to King’s Landing and some parchment and ink, instead chose to commit war crimes that accomplished nothing except to a) make everyone in Westeros ready to skewer the Lannisters b) give Ned Stark the perfect opportunity to haul his ass up on charges of mass murder and treason and c) Draw attention to your family’s more illicit actions on a national scale.  Or how he disinherited both of his sons and chose to antagonize the son who has proven disturbingly competent to the point of patricide. Or how he wanted his son to endanger the “Key to the North’s” health, reproductive and otherwise by raping/impregnating her at thirteen, thus nearly guaranteeing that their Winterfell meal ticket (and any child she would almost certainly prematurely deliver) would go up in smoke immediately with the deaths of their Stark prizes instead of say, WAITING A COUPLE YEARS WHICH EVEN THE MAESTERS OF THE CITADEL INSIST MUST HAPPEN IN ORDER TO PROCURE VIABLE HEIRS. WHICH WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE SANSA MARRIAGE IN THE FIRST PLACE. TYWIN IS A POLITICAL GENIUS WHO TOTALLY BOLSTERED HIS FAMILY!

Or how Littlefinger has literally delivered Robert Arryn RIGHT into the hands of his political rivals without any army or viable property of his own, and in fact ALSO leaves his other major prize (Sansa) alone with the very rivals he himself admits are pretty savvy, for long stretches. Not at all stupid.

And of course, none of the decisions mentioned here might be why the Starks got so thoroughly fucked in the ear. No, it was STUPID, EVIL, ELEVEN YEAR OLD SANSA’S ONE MISTAKE IN GIVING CERSEI INFO WHICH SHE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE GOTTEN FROM HER SPIES FIVE MINUTES LATER THAT IS WHAT “DESTROYED THE STARKS” (Even though five out of the eight of them are still around, barring Benjen’s ambiguous mortal state) and that was it. That’s what caused it all. Because that decision is literally what caused everything bad that happened to the Starks before and after she actually did the thing. Nobody else made any stupid, self-destructive, devastating errors of judgment that contributed to anything bad to themselves and/or House Stark. She’s the only one who made a mistake and it is THE DECIDING MISTAKE THAT WAS BOTH SIMULTANEOUSLY STUPID BUT SOMEHOW ALSO DELIBERATELY CRUEL AND TREASONOUS TO HER FAMILY AND CAUSED ALL OF THEIR PROBLEMS. That she made chiefly because SHE IS TOTALLY THE BIGGEST IDIOT YOU GUYS, in contrast to characters who made destructive choices despite having far more information, means, and experience to make better choices but didn’t. Because it’s an eleven-year-old, gaslighted, traumatized child who is most accountable for everything, ever. Everyone else’s decisions were somehow smarter and more honorable because... They knew better? Or, at the very least, had every possible means to know better and blatantly ignored basic logic? And that makes them smarter than the stupid eleven year old? 

Tywin Lannister: political mastermind.... who turned a golden political opportunity into a treason charge and mortal danger. 

Ned Stark: Too honorable and good... Who left his daughters unsupervised, uninformed, and unguarded in a dangerous court/city run by the very people who he a) is investigating for murder and treason and b) ALREADY TRIED TO HUNT DOWN AND MAIM ONE OF KIDS and c) (as he discovers about halfway through) ATTEMPTED TO MURDER AND SUCCEEDED IN CRIPPLING ANOTHER OF HIS KIDS. 

Daenerys Targaryen: Awesome badass liberator... who saw a woman whose life was destroyed and met mid-gangrape by her husband’s people and thought, “This woman should totally be trusted to put poultices on my husband’s wound. After all, I did stop those guys after the thirteenth rape. WHAT COULD GO WRONG?!”

Jon Snow: Perfect, brave, hero classic... Who practically shunned the company of his brothers once he took command, KNEW that many of them already thought he deserved an execution, and decided to announce his blatantly oath-breaking new mission without any sort of preamble or explanation.

Robb Stark: Tactical Genius and hero.... Doesn’t bother communicating his strategy to his own commanders.

Tyrion Lannister: SUPER GENIUS WONDERFUL HUMAN! ... Who can’t understand that people whose houses he burned down might have some valid complaints.

WHO IS MORE STUPID THAN SANSA STARK SHE DEFEAT HER WHOLE FAMILY.

“Otto West: Apes don't read philosophy.

Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement.”

--- A Fish Called Wanda, 1988, directors Charlie Chrichton and John Cleese

[lefthanded-sans]

Don't forget the Garrus analysis!

There’s no Shepard without Vakarian: An analysis of Garrus’ characterization in the Mass Effect franchise

Oh yes, thank you, Mun! During yesterday’s stream I commented I could write an analysis on how Garrus’ character arc is in many ways unusual, both within the Mass Effect franchise’s brand of storytelling, and in the broader scheme of how narratives tend to characterize principle personalities. Most main characters are given a significant arc that grows them greatly as an individual. By the end of the tale, they have actualized into someone with more experiences, abilities, and integrity. They stand on their own stronger than before. Garrus’ arc, interestingly enough, focuses less on him growing by himself, but rather him growing closer to Shepard.

A more typical characterization arc is found for most Mass Effect squadmates (especially those introduced in ME 2). It’s brilliant - large plot threads from major political scuffles, to individual personality plot threads of character internal conflict - are given arc, development, and wrap-up by ME 3. Mainly, squadmates are given a central conflict that is developed and resolved by the end of the storyline. To give a few examples:

Grunt is introduced with the problem of needing identity. He needs to become actualized as his own, personal krogan. By joining Clan Urdnot and leading the Aralakh Company, he becomes that krogan with a proud, personal, found identity.

Mordin’s character arc is wrapped around his complicated, conflicted logic and emotions regarding the genophage - whether it was, in fact, the correct choice to make. As much as his emotions and logic mostly agree that the second genophage was the correct move, his internal discomfort suggests that he’s not as settled in this choice as he should be. He’s still struggling. His logic and emotions come to a common goal to cure the krogan genophage in ME 3, leading him to internal peace. He goes from someone who sterilized the krogan, helping continue the collapse of krogan civilization… to their hero.

Miranda’s arc is focused around struggles with her abusive father. In the end, she can help her sister and stop Mr. Lawson once and for all.

Jacob struggles with the question of whether or not allying with a shady organization like Cerberus is okay so long as their mission goals are profitable and get the job done. His suspicions in ME 2 lead to worse experiences in ME 3; he leaves the organization and puts behind this conflict once and for all.

Wrex’s arc is about becoming a revolutionary leader. Shepard meets him after he gave up leading a small krogan clan. But he becomes reinspired to try to build his people into a stronger civilization, a stronger future.

Jack is introduced with emotional scars from an abusive past. As a child she was abused and exploited for her biotics. In the end, Jack helps nurture other biotic children into a greater future.

And so we can go through almost all squadmates this way: Ashley / Kaidan regarding trust, Samara regarding her Ardat-Yakshi familial legacy, Thane regarding his family and illness, EDI regarding what it means to be a sentient non-organic, etc. Characters are given a central problem, which they grow through and overcome.

But Garrus, I feel… is a little different.

Garrus’ arc is centered around the idea “There’s no Shepard without Vakarian.”

Now, it’s true Garrus has a few overarching problems he needs to handle throughout the franchise. It mainly involves his sense of enacting justice outside the scope of regulations. In the first game, he wants to hunt down Dr. Saleon, who got away because C-Sec regulations forbid Garrus from making risky capture moves the first time. In the second game, Garrus wants vengeance for Sidonis’ betrayal. Several times, Garrus plays a turian Robin Hood-esque character: he skirts the law and does his own vigilante thing to enact justice and punish immoral lawbreakers who have harmed others.

The thing is, these incidences are framed secondarily to Garrus’ main narrative contribution. These narrative arcs are used to reinforce Garrus’ attachment to Shepard.

Garrus does learn and grow based upon how Dr. Saleon and Sidonis are handled, yes. He’ll reach different conclusions depending upon whether you take Renegade or Paragon dialogue choices, but regardless, Garrus takes away these incidences as life lessons... life lessons pulled to him largely by Shepard’s sense of justice. Results of the Dr. Saleon mission come from Shepard’s guidance and philosophy, ideas that Garrus take to heart and mull over. The same sort of thing happens with Sidonis. Shepard’s interactions in these missions influence how Garrus thinks. He reflects upon the missions and (no matter what path players take) ultimately reaches the conclusion Shepard has a point. He aligns his thinking more with Shepard after each incident. Thus, Garrus’ experiences on the missions with Shepard aren’t about Garrus growing beyond a problem… so much as it leads him to become more synced with and loyal to Shepard.

Even the problem of Garrus’ imperfect relation with his father ultimately ties up to him building a bond with Shepard. In the first game, Garrus mentions that his father didn’t approve of Garrus taking Spectre training, so Garrus found himself as a C-Sec officer instead… albeit one who didn’t play by the books as his father did. That leads him to be interested in working with a Spectre and leaving C-Sec... all driving him to Shepard. Garrus does eventually go to his father by ME 3 - a surprising development - and tell his father about his ventures and the upcoming Reaper threat. Garrus gains his own task force to handle the Reapers and lead… which pulls him back into the central war efforts with Shepard. He’s yet again a squadmate with humanity’s first Spectre. Everything Garrus does ultimately draws him back to the Normandy.

All of Garrus’ problems in 1 and 2 are written to build that bond between Shepard and Vakarian. It’s fascinating - his character growth arc isn’t about one specific personal problem to characterize through, so much as it is about him aligning with someone else.

In this sense, the Shadow Broker’s dossier on Garrus is curious commentary on his characterization arc. The dossier begins: 

Former C-Sec officer. Exceptional tactical and team-building skills. Leadership potential overshadowed by Shepard. Unlikely to fully develop under Shepard’s command.

Now Garrus does gain and expose these skills solo. He creates his team on Omega. He directs forces during the start of the war with the Reapers. But that is never where he fully actualizes, fully shines. Garrus being with Shepard is never narratively shown as a limitation, but contrarily, Garrus apart from Shepard is where he is shown to be weakest and most out-of-his-zone. 

Characters out of their element can be one means of growth - it’s hard to grow unless you’re out of your comfort zone, after all - but it can also signify they’re not where they’re supposed to be. The latter is primarily how Garrus’ time apart from Shepard is depicted. If anything, his experiences on Omega worsen him into someone more emotionally unstable, hurt, and raw. And instead of it being a time where Garrus notably actualizes, it feels like a somewhat stagnant period of his life, where he’s living active inactivity, trying to figure out what to do now that Shepard is dead. Shepard reuniting with Garrus on Omega is one where Garrus is in a tight and unpleasant spot. He demonstrates he can lead and build a team like Shepard, but his experience also isn’t the one where he is depicted at his best and most heroic. He gains more motivation, resolve, and heroics when he joins the suicide Cerberus mission - he’s not just picking off villains on Omega, but now he’s out to save every human colony.

Where Garrus is depicted as his best is with Shepard. Maybe it’s just me, but I suspect that many fans get excited every time Garrus returns to the squad because they associate him with that friend always at Shepard’s side. He’s the bud Shepard can always count on. And over and over again, throughout the franchise, Garrus says some great quotes about his siding with Shepard. One of my favorites comes from the start of 2:

G: Frankly I’m more worried about you. Cerberus, Shepard. You remember those sick experiments they were doing?S: That’s why I’m glad you’re here, Garrus. If I’m walking into hell, I want someone I trust at my side.G: You realize this plan has me walking into hell too. Hmm… just like old times.

And then there’s Garrus’ character farewell in ME 3 before the final London charge. Most of these farewells bring up the central point of the character’s conflict in some way or another - for instance, Grunt thanking Shepard for taking him out of the tank, Samara mentioning the monastery where her final daughters have lived. It’s the final wrap-up to the story we’ve experienced through each squadmate. It’s to note that Garrus and Shepard’s conversation is not centered on justice, ruthless calculus, Garrus’ father, Sidonis, regulations, or any of Garrus’ other side-struggles. Garrus and Shepard focus the conversation on their friendship. On supporting each other. They talk about them being together - be it here on Earth, or up in the afterlife:

G: Shepard. So I guess this is…S: Just like old times?G: Heh. Huh. Mmm. Might be the last chance we get to say that.S: You think we’re going to lose?G: No, I think we’re about kick the Reapers back into whatever black hole they crawled out of. Then we’re going to retire somewhere warm and tropical and live off the royalties from the vids.S: I wouldn’t know what do with all my time. Neither would you.G: Sign autographs?S: We haven’t won yet.G: James told me there’s an old saying here on Earth - “May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.” Not sure turian if heaven is the same as yours, but if this thing goes sideways and we both end up there, meet me at the bar. I’m buying.S: We’re a team, Garrus. There’s no Shepard without Vakarian. So you better remember to duck.G: Sorry, turians don’t know how. But I’ll improvise. And Shepard, forgive the insubordination, but this old friend has an order for you: Go out there, and give them hell. You were born to do this.S: Good-bye Garrus. And if I’m up there in that bar, and you’re not, I’ll be looking down. I’ll always have your back.

Between these two conversations, Garrus and Shepard literally talk about going through heaven and hell together. They connect through old times and forge into new times together, onward and onward. And there is an undying support between the two. They make each other stronger.

The Shadow Broker is sort of right that Garrus’ leadership potential overshadowed by Shepard. Garrus gains respect from teams on his own, but he never rises to that legend Shepard does by himself. That said, the Shadow Broker is also wrong that Garrus development is hindered by being around Shepard. Garrus being with Shepard is the best that Garrus is. The point of Garrus narratively is to be with Shepard, and that’s where he makes the most memorable storytelling difference. Garrus’ narrative is about being Shepard’s loyal best friend (or lover, if you romance him) - the second-in-command whose support is critical to the Milky Way’s salvation.

Garrus’ story isn’t centralized about how to handle justice outside regulation. Garrus’ story isn’t one about deciding what to do with gray morals and ruthless calculus, as much as he speculates about that topic. Garrus’ story isn’t one of getting out of Shepard’s shadow. It’s a story about him syncing with Shepard’s shadow.

The idea that there’s nothing sweeter than his loyal friendship.

[psychedelictrashpanda]

It’s been awhile, weird old blog with unspecified direction. How about more of me me me?

I finally did DMT again, and WOW. It’s been at least a full decade since the last time. I still didn’t quite “break through” enough to “meet the entities” again but mein GOTT was it healing. Speaking of God, we’ll get to that soon... But before smoking the dimitri, I was beginning to sustain a mania in slow motion with dissociatives again. Not to any extreme like I did with PCP long ago (btw, glancing at my Eyehategod poster, I realize that horror/metal fest when I was blasted on PCP the entire time was all the way back in 2013! It seems to much more recent, but the way these drugs interact with memory is very peculiar. or maybe it was the traumatizing effect of it and other things at the time that makes me block out and thus distort the time signature of the memory... I digress). And I don’t have the destructive tendencies I did in the past anyway, so I’ve never been apt to push it as far as I was when I was shooting up 3-meo-pcp and blacking out for days at a time. I mean, I did push it I suppose. For the main George Floyd protests I was loading up on a combination of things. Can’t even remember if that was my sober window between methadone detox and the suboxone I’m on now. But, I was combining bits of weird PCP offshoots with opiate offshoots (4-map iirc) and/or kratom with maybe a drop of benzo... straddling the line between going overboard and a “party dose” for lack of a better descriptor; between recreation and desperation. In retrospect, I was summoning the courage to act like my old self used to in these sorts of situations. That is, giving it my all, being novel about it, idk, summoning the spirit of Dr Gonzo I suppose (who, after reading his two books, was more slimey of a jerk than he’s presented in Hunter’s stories. well, I need to finish the Cockroach People book, he started getting into his attraction to underage girls as a young 20-something man himself and ugh, gross). My true wild & adventurous spirit has been hampered, weighed down with anxiety and depression and all manner of undiagnosed mental illness. Who knows if it’s more the drugs or the environmental factors that trigger drug use, but the spirit is tortured like Griffith in the torture dungeon, the heart is wrapped in a black grime guarded by the Beast of Darkness, the will is subordinated to authoritarian capitalist hegemony...

Where was I? Oh so I started suboxone for the second time in my life innnn... February I want to say. Last time I did it I was able to detox myself simply buying subs off the street, but I did it too quick. That’s been one problem, every time I detox rapidly it’s too harsh a push back into reality and I succumb to relapse less then a year into sobriety. The reason reality is harsh is the same reason my stance on anti depressants has been further cemented. I’ve articulated it better lately... Basically I believe it’s a weird solution to depression to force your chemical makeup into the right position to function properly in the same environment that caused it in the first place. “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” One of my conversations with a young college friend really illuminated why many don’t even consider this position. She was insistent there’s no cause of depression, you’re just born with a fucked up mind. Now sure, hereditary disposition is a thing, as a drug addicted child of an addict I should know. But for example she pointed to another friend with hard depression and was like “his life seems fine what explanation could there be?” But I put forth maybe his childhood of having to closet his homosexuality in a hard conservative family that had the possibility of disowning him if they knew about it contributed to that “natural chemical imbalance,” as it’s implied. YES, some people NEED it. But for the most part, it really seems to me to be what I’m gonna call the thyroid phenomenon. That is to say, a medical explanation for a small fraction of severely affected patients is used as a broad brush by the public to diagnose themselves. Forewarning: I am not fat shaming here, forgive the example. Dietary practices are a personal thing so my feelings are stronger as well. Anyway, it seems to me as soon as this thyroid malfunction became a hard biological explanation for obesity beyond the psychological, suddenly everyone was a candidate. It’s fine to think “maybe I have it” but when a growing and significant portion of the obese crowd started screaming they all had thyroid problems and can’t help themselves, when a teensy percentage actually do... well it sort of touches on the “addiction as a disease” narrative that’s never sat well with me. Addicts use the disease reasoning to skirt personal responsibility. I'm not denying it is a disease, but I believe calling it as such in the public discourse isn’t terribly constructive. (Okay, you’re seeing an opinion change in real time here... I changed my mind.) I was vehemently against the narrative, but I need to readjust to simply make people WARY of the narrative. As an addict, I could easily see myself using the excuse of it being a disease as a fatalist function; that is to say giving in, relinquishing personal control over my fate. Hereditary disposition, Rat Park, addiction as a disease... there’s also a severe lack of control it all conjures. Paradoxically, drugs can used to meticulously control your state of mind. I can’t control my desire to control myself?

God where was I going with this... Oh! God! May as well mention I’ve been warming up more and more to the spirit of monotheism beyond it’s structural and institutional dimensions. I could get deep into my recent past of not believing in the idea of a spirit, soul, etc. How the pendulum of my ideology swings between cold rationalism and loose spirituality, especially as I go through phases of rebellion against perceived oppressors. Growing up in a red state with a lot of Christian ideals, society around me was always telling me everything I seemed to like was the work of Satan. Naturally, I started reading into Satanism. I never self identified with occult-esque belief structures, except maybe chaos magick because it’s whole idea is to merge whatever practices work into something of your own, but I did staunchly identify as anti christian. Not a hard thing to do when you’re already a metal head, which definitely fueled the trajectory. Not to mention metal helped goad me into DXM use (thanks Velvet Cacoon ya bunch of goons), the first real psychedelic journeys I had. Because I never gave real consideration to myself having depression, I moulded my personal ideology around the symptoms it causes. Which is why for awhile after coming to terms with depression as a problem I probably have, I was only able to identify it in retrospect. I never felt it in real time because it was so old-coat to me, I adapted to it like an addict adapts to their drug of choice and ti becomes their world. So I would decide to skip social events, let my room get messy, watch only old comfort shows, etc... but only AFTER emerging from that state was I able to immediately look back and think “wait... I was doing all those things because I was depressed.” In the moment, it’s rationalized as “I don’t want to see these people for these reasons” or “I want to watch spongebob because it’s fun and an old favorite.” Rationalization, the concept of the west, serves as a detriment to the individual in a number of manners. This is one. I was a MASTER at rationalizing away my drug use. Statistically, more people die from this this and that, why be worried that I’m on this drug instead? Statistics quelled the perceived danger. It was also a formative tool in my skills of justification. I always felt I had to justify every action I took, but that’s getting back into family matters...

But why not bring that up? it’s a sore spot. I feel like the tables have flipped from my dad always saying “you all just think I’m an asshole!” to me thinking I’m the asshole. It’s too much to get into but I’ll touch on a couple important things... I’ve learned a major source of my anxiety is not being able to draw the boundaries between business and family and myself, because they’re not properly defined. When I’m told by my bossfather after explaining the distress I feel simply thinking about the family company, and he goes typically all-or-nothing when I touch on crucial issue and says “if you want out just tell me you want out”, I can’t separate between whether he’s saying it as a father or as a boss in the moment. He would say, “of course I just mean the company”, but where does company end and family begin? It’s also an intense pressure, maybe shame, simply typing this and thinking in the back of my head about someone who might read and think “what a spoiled brat, has a family company and blah blah.” But who put all that in my head? He says he’s changed from the days of putting immense pressure on me with the sort of sentiments that cause that shit in my head like always telling me how great I have it and all the opportunities, shit, I’m feeling it right now, the frustration and I can’t even identify these emotions. At least I am aware of them, that’s a huge milestone for me. But the only thing that’s changed is he sees me as a the broken mother fucker I am and treats me as such. Sometimes it’s nice, and sincere sympathy, other times his frustration with having to check his language all the time is palpable so it does no good to do so. The immense pressure, the intense urgency, the confusing complexity, all those market pressures haven’t changed. This is evident when we were driving somewhere and I suggested not worrying about the fastest route on the map because one minute isn’t a big deal and he insisted that one minute IS a big deal. Sweating one fucking minute indicates a mountain of reputational pressure. In a way, that one minute is putting business ahead of family, but I feel harsh saying it because as he’s pounded into my head the business is what allows the family to survive. Not to mention why put the crack head of the family above that one minute (not literal crack, but it was obvious as soon as he saw I was “fucking around” on ketamine he decided to not take me as seriously) Still, I’ve made my decision that survival reasoning is fucking bullshit already. He’s the one that wants a mansion and wants enough mailbox money for us not to have to worry ever again, so he’s the one deliberately creating the pressure. Maybe he hasn’t considered how hardened he’s become to those feelings after a lifetime in the street and in prison. I really feel for mom. She’s okay now, but her spirit... It’s part of the reason I can’t relax myself at home. He has always painted her as dead weight in the past, never getting a job, sitting watching TV, but he’s unable to connect the dots psychologically because we’re all layman that part of the reason she’s like that is because her actions have been demonized already so who the fuck she got to prove herself to? Same reason I fell into relapse sometimes. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t sort of deal. The damned if I don’t being the reputation of yourself you have to live with after getting sober. He says “don’t worry about it” but I couldn’t accept that because the reason he doesn’t trust me (never mind respect, that’s even further away) is informed by my past. I can’t complain that he never allowed me to contribute to a crucial decision like choosing the building for the dispensary, talking about whether we want a certain investor or not, etc, is because that’s not something to entrust to a druggie. I’ve always felt he let me play make-believe CEO and gave me an allowance for it, while telling me otherwise. He’d say “this is all for you” but he’s making the decisions that truly move mountains and then putting it on us. Which is why I have a hard time saying “I want out”, he can be a baby about things just as much as I am, and I fear he’d let his entrepreneurial drive be affected by my departure. Sigh, this is already getting to be a headache to think about... He’s tired. I’m tired.

There was also something I wanted to say regarding the role social constructs play in all this, but it’s getting long enough already. Suffice to say I’ve been getting into psychoanalysis lately and it’s scratching the right itch for knowledge and wisdom. I can see why Zizek is enamored with Lacan, and why it’s so important to mix it with Marxism. And not to toot my own horn, but what the hell... There are a lot of lofty ideas I’ve been coming across that are already parallel to ideas I’ve developed through my own life experience, and it makes me think I’m meant for this sort of stuff. If I’m lucky in my pursuits (not to put too much weight on the luck aspect), I’ll be a journalist of some sort. Articles, video essays, whatever. Need to rein in my indecisiveness and dispel FOMO tho.

Back to DMT. But not really. Earlier in the summer I got some straight Ketamine and it was also immensely healing. But it has a great abuse potential, especially for me, so it’s harder to “hang up the phone” after I get the message as TmK would say. It made me feel again, and start to understand what love is. Partly because it conjured all these lost feels I had for Kat. She’s great people though, I think I’d just stress her out too much. Idk. Whatever. My love life is a total mess. Anyway after I ran out I wanted more of course and stumbled on some DCK, a somewhat rare ketamine offshoot. Coupled with my increasing propensity to trip acid more than once a week, they started building on each other. I was happier and happier at home, but at work/fam was getting more and more distressed about my place in that whole show. In his show. Simply thinking about the company, especially after having read that article about procrastination and how much it resonated with me, caused me unnecessary levels of distress. Normally as quickly as I can feel that, my mind will tuck it away and bottle it up somewhere so I can go about my day. The problem with drugs is they cause you to act instead. So he was doing the usual “it’s so easy! you’ll have it made!” and I interrupted with this torrent of shit I’ve been holding back forever, and he would not yield on his “you didn’t let me finish...” Incidentally, has he really never picked up on every time I interrupt I already know what he’s talking about? I said as much, something like “it’s not the labor” and he keeps saying “no you’re not listening” as though a frivolous detail changed the main thrust of the fact he’s always trying to make it easier for me. I wish he could simply let me go off and have the strength to take it a little less seriously, but considering how often I take things personally I shouldn’t be surprised he does to. On top of this, his brother/my uncle was in the hospital for some serious shit. But another reason I picked this time is because I only feel safe even confronting him when non-involved parties are around. He doesn’t care that I don’t feel safe confronting him though, he says “don’t worry about me” so maybe I shouldn’t. I feel like such an asshole about it, but that feeling is conjured by the ideological structure he helped to create. Where does my shame end with him being the causation and start with my personal ideology? How much can a person create their own ideology, truly? It’s about as small a window as free will, I imagine.

SO after feeling awful for going off after having all this stuff build up in my mind, I felt awful and went home to drug up some more. Again, not recklessly to the extent I used to be. But I did a fat line of DCK while on a couple hits of LSD and a smidgen of Zolpidem (a wholly underrated substance). Everything was getting to me all at once. A perfect storm of my problems. All the while another doubt caused by ideology from without (society and family both) was making me think it’s all the drugs. But the developments I’ve made are huge strides, I’ve matured so much from it all. And I realized every time I do this, those developments are wiped clean because the validity of them is rendered null due to both the general social stigma of drugs and my history with them. And maybe that’s a major trigger fo rmy relapse in the past. I’m not suppose to be on drugs, but I dabble, have incredible experiences and make strides of maturity, but because it’s drugs the exact opposite effect is percieved from the outside; the experiences are simple chemical euphoria, the strides of maturity are false delusions. It triggers a sharp roll back down hill. I wish someone respected me for who I am, I feel so alone sometimes.

Drugs as an umbrella term, drugs as a vice for the worst dregs of society. There are so many problems in our world regarding drugs. I could write a book. But how much I’ve written here touches on another pressure I feel. IS it simply him again? When he asks “you’re gonna be gone in a few days right?” is that what’s making me feel like this is a waste of time? I’ve got to get out of here. It’s so hard though. I simply have to be strong. The strength is in me to take the massive cut to pay and benefits when I move. Maybe I’ll get a portion of my strugglers card back and shit heads like Blasey Shomas can’t simply say “why don’t you take care of yourself instead of daddy taking are of you?” anymore. Part of me wants to say he says that because he’s driven by his own emotions and not smart enough to directly debate my claims, his insults should hold no weight. Another part of me is truly trying to be... I don’t know a proper term for it without sounding egotistical, but “enlightened”? This is why monotheism is sounding more interesting to me. Jesus’ position about those dregs of society. I’ve always tried to be a trusting person, understanding of people’s struggles, the ideologies they function under that make them lash out or otherwise act the way they do, etc. I even changed my wording there from “I’ve always been” to “I’ve always tried to be.” Not so much for my usual reasons of dodging a committing claim (which I’m working on -- instead of “I think ___” just say what I believe to give the claim more sense of authority so as to be taken more seriously), but trying to be more humble. And not to think lowly and use myself as a punching bag like I used to... ugh, whatever. This post is messy enough.

So that night after having done DCK every day for a couple weeks and tripping every other night on acid, I was at my wits end on what to do, where to go next, everything. The outside world is crumbling, the inside world is lost. I finally whipped out that DMT I’ve had for a long while, something inside told me it was time. Oh duh it was the wits end part, I had no other chemical recourse. I sat in my bed with a foil sculpture loosely resembling a pipe, repeated to myself “it’s okay, just let it happen to you, it will be okay.” A part of me even had a small fear based on those rare reports of those interdimensional beings mentally raping some people, but I don’t know what to make of those experiences, seem like flukes. I took my three deep hits and set the pipe aside as soon as the rusb began and laid back. It wasn’t enough to break through, so I need to get a proper pipe, but it was enough for a “being” (which I am convinced is a part of your mind, not from another dimension or otherwise external source) to appear before me. At least I think. Whatever it was slowly came closer, reassuring me that I’d be okay. The most profound part was an overwhelming sense of all these puzzle pieces suddenly falling perfectly into place where they should be. As though the answers to all my struggles obvious and within me the whole time. For example as soon as I came back I adjusted my posture, as that’s something that I’ve been wanting to work on, and because I was reminded of that just now I adjusted my posture in my seat while writing this. I felt an overwhelming sense of forgiveness toward myself, I think. Amazingly, the inebriation I felt before the trip was largely dissolved, as though the stuff I was on somehow all lost it’s potency. The distresses melted away. At least, the power behind them was nulled. I’m still facing the same problems, but there’s a zen(?) quality to my thinking when they come up in my mind. No longer will a pin drop trigger everything I’m feeling all at once. When I came-to completely, I started BAWLING. In being overwhelmingly consoled by the trip, I became inconsolable. Tears of joy. Tears of healing. And that was the main takeaway. The loudest words of the experience were “Now the healing can truly begin.” At the same time, now the real work also begins. 

Balance is key