#but seriously i think ab little aus like this all the time

[sejjiplinth]

Sorry for the anon ask, but what do you think would’ve happened if Marcus had been alive during the games and Sejanus actually had to mentor him? I’m surprised no one has written it yet!

oh sejanus Definitely still would have broken into the arena to try and get him out 😭 i don’t think marcus would even consider leaving with him, but he still ends up protecting sejanus when the other tributes find them because they were arguing too loud LMFAOOO

(alternatively, marcus wouldn’t accept his sponsors so he’d be screaming, crying, throwing up, in that order.)

[oh-no-its-bird]

Speaking about au crossovers, suddenly absoloutley infected w the idea of a team ro time travel au + the team ro defects from Konoha to join sound au mashup

So many time travel to the warring state aus hit the beats of "oh yeah were from the future village u made, which btw is awesome" but what happens when that diverse team of clans, that team of mismatched uchiha/hatake/suspected senju that people of the time gape at seeing work so smoothly together, instead of vouching for the village condemn it?

But there's also an added layer of like— some of these characters still care about the village. Honestly all of team ro does on some level.

Itachi and Shisui are still village loyalists, just forced to leave for their own self preservation when Danzo would have them killed

Tenzo is still struggling with his own brainwashing and even tho he may have chosen the team and his friends over konoha, he still has that "you live for the village you die for the village" mentality implanted deep in his heart. He may actually try to compensate for it by being vocally against konoha when given the opportunity (lying to himself ab it)

Kakashi is complicated. He's probably the one among them who it can truly be said is against konoha— for a refresher on the detector au, he left after finding out Danzo had his father killed, then walked in on him trying to kill Shisui + this was around the time where Danzo was trying to get him to kill Sarutobi (and he was straight up willing to do it too) so there's a LOT going on in that head of his. I think he considers Konoha to be it's people— and unfortunatley he has very little people left there to truly care about. Doubly unfortunatley (for Konoha) a chunk of the people he finds himself willing to "allow" himself to care for have also come with him in this defection. So.

It's complicated.

Anyways, all of this is to say is that these guys have some seriously complex thoughts on Konoha and whether it's truly "good" or not, and I think that'd make for an interesting read when they eventually meet the founders

Also like. There's a pretty heavy Uchiha bias among them, let's be real.

Tenzo may have the Mokuton and may or may not be some sort of Senju bastard, but his education wasn't shit. He has absoloutley no opinions on the Senju in general but his only friends in the entire world are 2/3rd uchiha, so.

Shisui and Itachi are literally Uchiha. Itachi is the fucking clan heir. I don't even need to elaborate.

Kakashi is the only one who could claim to be any sort of neutral (hes even distantly related to Tobirama, though he doesnt even know it) but it was also established in the detector au that he has some sort of positive relation to Mikoto. I like to HC that Tsunade was a good friend of his father and even babysat him when he was younger tho, so there's that. But like. Still. There is a much bigger Uchiha influence on (literally his entire) life than Senju.

Anyways I don't really have any specific thoughts for this one? They don't have the same konoha loyal motivations as the original team ro time travel au, but they also don't have any motivations to like, STOP the founding of Konoha itself. They're smart enough to recognize it was a net positive for all of shinobi kind. But they don't wanna be involved.

If Orochimaru came with them maybe they can try to create sound way back when? That could be cool

Call up the Hatake and the Orochi of the warring states and see if we can make a new first ever shinobi village with a different image in mind

Fucking Orochimaru headed medical revolution 100 years earlier than it has any buisness being ,,,

Mmm this is just making me think ab an Orochimaru time travel fic actually and that's not what I want with this specific thing so let's shelve that for later maybe

But like. Team Ro time travels to the warring states but it's the team Ro that defected from Konoha

OH FUCK THAT MEANS SASUKE IS WITH THEM TOO

Rip Sasuke, my favorite little Izuna look alike. He's like 8 and the second any Uchiha see him they're going to have a stroke and go tell Madara and Izuna they might have stumbled upon something seriously sinister

Oops <3

[0omillo0]

A concept: seungmin and girly, wholesome reader having a 90s anime dynamic where seungmin is secretly UWU over this woman but is too tsundere to admit it so he has to mask it with his sarcasm and teasing.

SEUNGMIN X READER school au! ♡𝜗𝜚

a/n: hope you like this! I tried to write it with a “texts style” <3

Y/N hated chemistry, but she hated asking for help even more. The formulas, the balancing equations, the strange symbols—none of it made sense to her. But there was one thing that always brought a little light to her dreadful study sessions: Seungmin.

They had met during the first semester of their chemistry class. Seungmin, always sharp and sarcastic, had taken notice of Y/N’s struggle. Rather than offering help with a kind smile like any normal person, he simply dropped a teasing comment one day:

“You know, if you keep staring at that periodic table like that, it won’t magically start making sense.”

That was the beginning of their strange friendship.

Seungmin ended up tutoring her, but the help never came without its fair share of teasing. He was always quick with a sarcastic comment, often poking fun at her lack of chemistry knowledge or her inability to balance equations properly. Over time, their study sessions became less about the subject and more about spending time together, with Seungmin’s teasing tone becoming strangely endearing to Y/N.

The truth was, Seungmin’s constant teasing masked something deeper—his growing feelings for her. He didn’t want to admit it, not even to himself, because that wasn’t how he operated. He was the sarcastic friend, the guy who always had a witty comment ready. Being vulnerable? That wasn’t his style. But Y/N had started to mean more to him than just a classmate who needed help.

Meanwhile, Y/N enjoyed the banter they shared. She couldn’t help but smile whenever Seungmin playfully poked fun at her, but there were moments when she wondered if there was something more behind his teasing. She’d catch him staring at her a little too long when he thought she wasn’t looking, or notice how his smirk would falter when she mentioned another guy.

One day, after weeks of contemplation, Y/N decided she needed to know the truth. Was Seungmin just teasing her because it was his nature, or was there something deeper behind his sarcasm? She thought up a plan—a prank, really. It was risky, but she needed to see how he’d react.

That’s how she found herself texting him, her heart racing as she typed the message that would set the wheels in motion.

Y/N:

Hey, guess what?

Seungmin:

You finally figured out how to balance a chemical equation without my help?

Y/N:

Rude. I actually did that yesterday.

Seungmin:

Sure you did. 🙄 So, what’s up?

Y/N:

I have a date this weekend! 😁

Seungmin blinked at his phone, feeling an unexpected pang in his chest. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, but he couldn’t think of what to say. A date? With who? And why did that make him feel… like he’d just been punched in the gut?

Seungmin:

…What?

Y/N smiled to herself. It was working. She knew Seungmin well enough to know that he wouldn’t react well to the idea of her going out with someone. But still, seeing his short, blunt response made her a little nervous. What if she’d miscalculated? What if he didn’t actually care?

Y/N:

Yeah! Can you believe it? Someone actually asked me out.

Seungmin felt his throat tighten. His mind raced, trying to come up with a sarcastic comment, something to mask the flood of emotions he was feeling. But all he could think about was that someone else had asked her out first. That she was going to be with someone else, not him.

Seungmin:

I… didn’t realize that was possible.

Y/N:

🙄 Wow. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Seungmin.

His heart pounded. She was going out with someone else. The thought sent a rush of panic through him, and for a moment, he forgot how to act cool, how to pretend that this didn’t bother him.

Seungmin:

No, seriously. How do they even tolerate you? Like, do they know about your weird obsession with those cheesy romance novels?

There it was. Sarcasm. His defense mechanism.

Y/N rolled her eyes at his attempt to cover up whatever he was really feeling. She could practically hear his voice through the words, the way he tried to sound casual, but she knew him too well by now. There was something else lurking beneath the surface, and she was about to push him further.

Y/N:

You’re the worst. 😒

Seungmin’s mind was spinning. Why was this bothering him so much? He’d always made fun of her—teased her like it was nothing—but now the thought of her with someone else was making his chest ache in a way that terrified him.

Seungmin:

I’m just saying… whoever this guy is, he’s probably gonna regret it. ㅋㅋ

Y/N bit her lip. She was starting to feel guilty about the prank. But she needed to see where this was going. She needed to know if Seungmin actually liked her.

Y/N:

😑 Are you jealous or something? You’re acting weird.

Seungmin froze. His hands were shaking now. Was he jealous? Of course, he was. But he couldn’t say that. Not out loud.

Seungmin:

Why would I be jealous? I just care about your poor date’s well-being.

Lies. All lies. His stomach twisted with anxiety as he waited for her response.

Y/N:

Sure, Seungmin. 🙄

And then there was silence. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, but nothing came. He couldn’t joke about this anymore. He couldn’t laugh it off. The idea of Y/N with someone else was too much.

He stared at his phone for what felt like an eternity. His heart was racing, and the usual witty comebacks were nowhere to be found. He couldn’t breathe properly.

Suddenly, the words he had been avoiding for months—maybe longer—came spilling out, unfiltered.

Seungmin:

Fine. I care, okay? Happy?

And that’s how it happened. The confession neither of them had expected, brought on by a teasing lie. But Y/N’s heart soared as she realized that the guy she had fallen for—the guy who had helped her through every chemistry exam, even if he was a sarcastic pain—felt the same.

Now, all that was left was for her to confess it had been a prank.

Y/N stared at her phone, the screen lighting up with Seungmin’s message. She could feel her heart racing, and her stomach twisted with both excitement and guilt. She hadn’t expected this, not really. Her plan was to tease him, push him just enough to see if he’d slip, but not like this—not a full-on confession.

Her fingers hovered over the screen. She didn’t want to mess this up. She liked Seungmin, maybe even loved him, and this whole thing had been a stupid prank to see if he’d crack. But now that he had, she felt a pang of regret. She couldn’t just keep playing along; she had to be honest with him.

She started typing.

Y/N:

Wait… seriously?

Seungmin sat on his bed, his phone in his hand as he stared at Y/N’s message. His chest tightened as he reread what he had just sent her. He had really said it. He had just blurted out his feelings like some cheesy confession in one of Y/N’s romance novels. His hands were clammy, and he suddenly felt exposed, like he had just stripped away his sarcasm and armor, leaving himself completely vulnerable.

What if she didn’t feel the same? What if he had completely misread their entire friendship, and now things were about to get awkward?

He didn’t know what to say, how to fix this. Could he just backtrack? Turn it into a joke? His mind raced with possible escape routes, but none of them felt right.

Then, her next message came in.

Y/N:

Omg, Seungmin, it was a prank.

His heart stopped. A prank? She wasn’t serious about the date? All of the emotions he had just worked up, the fear, the anxiety, the pounding of his heart—it had all been over a joke?

Seungmin:

Uh.. What?

Y/N could feel her nerves kicking in. She hadn’t expected him to confess so honestly, and now she felt like she had gone too far. She didn’t want him to think it had all been just a game to her, because it wasn’t. She liked him too—more than she wanted to admit.

Y/N:

There’s no date. I just wanted to see how you’d react

Seungmin blinked at his phone, trying to process what he had just read. She had tricked him? She made him go through all that panic, just to see how he’d react? Anger and embarrassment rose inside him all at once. His fingers moved furiously over the screen.

Seungmin:

YOU DID WHAT?!

She knew she had messed up. Teasing him was one thing, but pushing him to confess like that—she hadn’t expected him to actually spill his feelings. And now he was mad. Really mad.

Y/N:

Don’t be mad!! I thought you’d just tease me like usual. I didn’t think you’d actually confess!

Seungmin tossed his phone onto his bed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. She had tricked him, but what really stung wasn’t the prank itself—it was how easily he had let his guard down. How he had thrown out all his sarcastic defenses, all his usual teasing, and shown her how he really felt.

And now? Now he had no idea how to take it back.

But then, his phone buzzed again. He sighed and picked it up, reading Y/N’s next message.

Y/N:

But hey… at least now I know you like me.

And… I like you too, pabo puppy.

His breath hitched. She liked him? For real? He blinked, reading the message again just to make sure he wasn’t imagining it. The anger he felt moments ago melted away, replaced by an overwhelming sense of relief—and something else, something warmer, more hopeful.

His heart, still pounding in his chest, began to beat a little lighter now.

Seungmin:

…You’re lucky I like you. Because that was evil.

Y/N smiled when she saw his message. That was the Seungmin she knew. She could almost hear his voice saying the words, that usual sarcastic tone back in play. She typed back quickly, her thumbs tapping across the screen.

Y/N:

Hehe, so are we still on for Saturday? But, y’know, together this time? And not doing chemistry… :)

Seungmin stared at her message, his lips twitching into a smirk. He couldn’t believe it. After all the teasing, all the banter, all the hidden feelings they both tried to ignore, it had come to this. A prank had forced his confession out of him, but maybe that wasn’t so bad after all. At least now he knew the truth.

He took a breath and replied.

Seungmin:

Yeah. Together.

But I’m never letting you live this down.

Y/N let out a sigh of relief, a wide smile spreading across her face. She had been worried for a second there, but it looked like everything had turned out better than she had hoped. Seungmin liked her—he actually liked her—and now, after all the teasing and awkward chemistry sessions, they were finally on the same page.

Y/N:

Deal. 😛

Seungmin tossed his phone back onto his bed and leaned back, staring up at the ceiling. He could still feel the adrenaline from earlier, but now it was mixed with something lighter—something that made him feel like everything had shifted between them.

He smiled to himself, thinking back on all their chemistry sessions. Maybe he’d have to find something else to tease her about now. Or maybe, just maybe, he’d actually let himself enjoy being with her without hiding behind sarcasm.

But that would be a problem for another day. For now, he was just happy. Finally.

And so, what had started as a prank ended with two confessions—both of them clumsy, unexpected, and a little bit awkward. But for Y/N and Seungmin, that was just perfect.

They had always been a little bit of a mess, after all.

[luveline]

hi!! i was wondering if you would write more ab spencer, r, and baby amanda from your single dad au? :o they’re so precious <3

Thank you for your request! ♥︎ fem!reader 1.6k

"How come you aren't hungover?" Spencer asks. 

You can barely hear him over the cacophony of the crowd. You're waiting for Hotch to finish his decathlon, the girls in their sunglasses, Jack and Morgan holding a homemade sign aloft. 

Amanda's sitting on the barrier with her weight against Spencer's chest, her soft brown hair splayed out against his collar like a wave. 

"I know the meaning of moderation," you say with a sweet smile. 

You might be imagining the pinking of his cheeks. "Not moderate enough, clearly," he jokes. 

JJ hadn't picked Henry up until three in the morning. Which is fine, Spencer will take Henry whenever he needs to, as per his self-ordained godfathering duties, but when JJ hadn't appeared at 11 like she'd promised, Spencer had obviously been worried. 

"Things got a little… out of control." You dip your face to his ear. "I've never seen Emily dance like that. It was crazy." 

"I wish I could've been there, but we had a date with Edward Tulane, didn't we, Amy?" 

Amanda tips her head back at her father's affectionate tone. "Daddy, I can't feel my butt." 

"Not your butt!" he says, taking her seriously but chuckling at the same time as he pulls her up and off of the barrier. With some careful manoeuvring, he's tucked Amanda into his chest, one hand held protectively over the bottom of her back. The other hooks behind her knees. 

"Is that better?" 

He speaks to her with the same fatherly fondness as always and every time you find yourself melty like butter in the summer sun. In Spencer's eyes, Amanda is the smartest, most interesting girl alive. You're tempted to agree. 

"I was worried it might be depressing for her," he says, tucking her hair behind her ear. "It's sad for a children's story, you know? But she's really interested, and it's important for kids to hear sad stories. Children who read stories with unhappy plotlines are more empathetic, and have a stronger sense of justice." He smiles at her. "Plus, I think it's her favourite so far. She asked if we could read it again, all in one go. It's gonna take hours." 

"That doesn't surprise me. I mean, she's yours. I thought you'd be reading her Tolstoy by now." 

"I'm saving Tolstoy for first grade." 

He's serious. 

Hotch runs through the finish line and the members of the BAU that are assembled cheer loudly. He doesn't seem embarrassed at all, only proud, ducking down to give Jack a sweaty hug. Then he, Jack, and his new girlfriend move away from the group. The remaining members of your team start to break away, too.

The girls all want to go home and die in their own beds. Rossi and Morgan have separate dates. You're thinking you'll go home and shoot the breeze until a more reasonable bedtime when Spencer turns to you with his usual genial smile.

"Do you want to come over? We're gonna make pasta and watch Fraggle Rock." 

Spencer's changed a lot since he became Amanda's primary caregiver, but some things stay the same. He loves doing things with other people and he'll always extend an invite if he thinks the other party might enjoy themselves. Going over for dinner feels a lot more intimate than his having an extra ticket for a foreign film festival, or late night takeout, though. 

"I don't want to impose," you say awkwardly. 

"Do you think you're an imposition?" Spencer asks in concern. 

"No, just, you know, I don't…" 

"Amy doesn't mind. Do you, sweetheart?" 

"What?" says Amanda's little voice. 

"Can Y/N come for dinner?" he asks. 

Amanda smiles, pearly white teeth and cheeks chubby with baby fat. "Yes! We're gonna make pasta and watch Fraggle Rock!" 

You laugh in delight. 

"We decided in the car," Spencer explains. 

"Here I thought you were telepathic." You direct your smile at Amanda's doe eyes. "I'd love to come for dinner. Thanks, baby." 

Spencer has the cleanest car any parent has ever had. You know he spent days choosing the safest one he could find in his budget, and even more days on a car seat. His apartment is just as clean but way more crowded, stuffed to bursting with Amanda's toys and his books. 

"I'm gonna change, do you mind?" he asks, leading you down the hall into the kitchen. Amanda had tipped half a juice box down his front, and the stickiness is clearly making him uncomfortable.

"No, by all means."

He smiles. "Stay here," he says with a feigned sternness, pointing one of his pretty fingers at Amanda. His daughter only giggles. 

You follow Spencer with your eyes as he leaves. 

"Will you take off my shoes, please?"

You look down. Amanda stares up at you, her round eyes pleading, one foot held a half inch off of the ground. 

You leap to action, and say, "Oh! Yeah, baby, no problem," as you get down on your knees. 

They're simple buckles and take all of ten seconds. Amanda holds onto your arm and lifts her feet one at a time so you can pull them off. Her small toes wiggle in her socks when she puts them back on the floor.

"Feel better?" you ask knowingly. 

"Daddy says shoes are a con-d-struct," she tells you. 

"They are!" you say, though whether you really agree might take some thought. "They're silly, huh?" 

"Yeah. If we walked with no shoes, we would have tough skin like trees!" 

"Like trees," you repeat. You love listening to little kids speak because they're so full of joy to share what they know, and Spencer Reid's kid? She is a walking book of facts. "That's so cool, did daddy tell you that?" 

"Daddy tells me everything." 

Spencer appears in a graphic t-shirt. You've only seen him dressed down through barely open hotel room doors or in photographs with Amanda. It takes a second for your brain to recognise what you're seeing. 

He's a genius, so he understands what you're doing immediately. 

"Oh no," he coos, bending down to take Amanda's shoulders into his hands. "I'm so sorry," —he kisses the top of her head— "I forgot all about your shoes. How will you ever get tree bark feet?" 

It's sweet to see how she responds to his affection. Her eyes squint closed and she smiles softly, giggling when he scratches her shoulders through her dress. 

"Thanks for releasing her, she can't stand wearing shoes when she doesn't have to," he says to you, nudging her out of the way to offer you his hand. 

You take it, letting him pull you up. He doesn't let go of you straight away, instead brushing his thumb over your fingernails, one after another. 

"I've been meaning to ask you to dinner for a while. I– I've never been any good at this part, I thought it would be harder, because Amanda's the only girl in the world I understand no matter how many books I read, and that's not going to last forever, but I…" Spencer's voice steadily quietens, until the tone he's using is dulcet, and his brows have pulled together. He's just as pretty frowning as smiling. "It feels easy, with you," he finishes. 

"Are we having macaroni?" Amanda asks. 

Spencer looks torn. "I was thinking rigatoni," he says. 

"Gross, dad." 

"Farfalle?"

"Bowties?" she questions suspiciously. 

"Is that better than rigatoni?" he asks. 

Amanda dwells on this, leaning her weight into your leg. It's an unthinking gesture that fills you with light. 

"We can't have macaroni?" 

You know from Spencer's bemused sigh alone that she's about to get her way. 

"Do you mind?" he asks you. 

Amanda pins you with a pout, raising her hands into a praying triangle. Her puppy dog eyes are killer and unnecessary. 

"Whatever you want, babe," you say hurriedly. 

She bursts off to her toys with an excited cheer. You're sorry to see her go, petrified of embracing yourself, and still majorly caught off guard by what Spencer said. He's wanted to ask you over for dinner for a long time, does that mean he likes you? And the way he'd held your hand — that's not an ambiguous affection. 

You like Spencer. All the small things that make him him, and the huge things too. His daughter, his books, his genius mind and his clumsy heart. If he likes you too, you might just combust. 

Spencer nips into the living room to put Fraggle Rock on TV. Amanda's sweet voice chases his heels, her singing a mixture of melodic gibberish and passionate recitation. 

You linger as he starts to gather what he needs for dinner. He's either not worried about what you think of his confession or trying to hide that he is, knee deep in a recount of the invention of boxed mac and cheese when you touch his elbow. 

"I know what you mean, about what you said before, I feel the same. It feels easy with you." 

You don't know what it is. But Spencer knows everything, so you aren't worried. 

He beams. His smile warps each word he says as he turns back to the saucepan he's filling with pasta. "Maybe we should get dinner without Fraggle Rock, sometime." 

"I don't know, I don't think it gets any better than this." You nod your head toward the living room, Amanda's singing an adorable echo. 

His smile grows impossibly bigger. 

"Me neither," he says. 

[wwbtsdty]

What Makes You Sweat | 18+

Summary: You’re really getting tired of how much time your boyfriend spends in the gym when you have so little time together on his days off. So one day you decide to join him to see what really makes him sweat.

Rating: 18+

Genre: idol!au, smut, fluff

Pairings: Jungkook x Reader

Status: Oneshot

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: Explicit language, dom!jungkook, sub!reader, smutty smut, sexual tension, big dick!jungkook, unprotected sex(wrap it before ya tap it!), oral sex, cocky!jungkook, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, praising, dirty talk, creampie, rough sex, spanking, bondage, squirting, begging, cursing, fingering, biting, did I miss anything haha.

Author’s Note: This has been sitting in my drafts forever, mainly because I was so upset I lost all my edits to it one day. Sooo I’m just gonna release it, with the premise that its extremely rough because I can’t find it in my heart to edit it again. So here it is, take it for what it is.. a quickie, dirty, unedited short story haha.

This is all fictional. 

You sigh deeply staring up at the ceiling in boredom, you had tired of playing games on your phone or scrolling social media an hour ago. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, 10:44 PM... he’d been gone for two hours. Just what the hell does he down there for so long?

Surely most people didn’t work out this long every single day, it seemed excessive and it was starting to get on your nerves. You know he promised to keep his washboard abs for ARMY, but surely he didn’t need to work out every damn day to maintain those bad boys.

Grabbing your phone again you sent off a quick text to him.

Did you fall off the treadmill? Are you seriously still working out?

You and Jungkook had been dating for over a year now what he did for so many hours every day in that gym was still a mystery. You had never been tempted to join him before, when he was finished with you for the night you could barely move, let alone go workout. Meanwhile he was the energizer bunny, ready to go again and again until you finally caved and told him to go work off some steam.

The past few days though you’d had to work late because of your bosses stupid mistake. So you weren’t able to get home in time to soothe the bunny, he was always off at the gym so you would pass out on the bed.

Tonight though you’d had to listen to one of your coworkers gossiping about their sex life with their new younger boyfriend. Which of course in turn, got you thinking about how much you happened to miss your boyfriends delicious body, anxiously waiting all day to get home to him.

So here you sat, waiting on his bed, Bam having had long since given up on waiting for his dad and crawling into his crate to go to sleep. Your phone chimed suddenly causing you to practically lunge for it.

I’m just getting started babe, don’t wait up. 😘

Just getting started? What the hell does that mean? What exactly has he been doing for that last two hours?

You groaned, rolling onto your stomach in frustration as you stared at the text on your phone.

Don’t wait up he says! I hardly get to see him anymore, not with working full time and him getting ready for his next comeback, it seemed like their time together was becoming less and less these days—yet all he wants to do is spend time in the gym!

Jumping off the bed you squared your shoulders as you raided the closet for a pair of leggings and a sports bra.

Fine, if he wanted to work out then you were going to join him, sure it was the last thing you felt like doing, but if it meant you could spend time together then so be it!

Jungkook had just finished up running for his cardio workout the last hour, pulling up the bottom of his shirt to wipe the sweat that had accumulated on his face.

Now that cardio was done he could start on weights, he needed to work his lower body today since he did upper body yesterday. Then of course abs as always to finish off the workout.

Taking a swig from his water bottle, his attention diverted as the door swung open, you walked in wearing what he guessed could pass as workout clothes.

But really there wasn’t much there, he sure hoped you didn’t wear that shit in public to workout or else there was going to be a conversation later.

“Hey, what's up? I told you not to wait up, i’ll probably be a while still.” He eyed you suspiciously, you had never come to workout with him. Not that it ever bothered him, it was more of his thing and that was totally fine by him.

“Well... you spend so much time here, I thought I would see what you get up to for once. Maybe you could give me some pointers as well, I should probably workout more anyway. I’ve been stuck at a desk all week.”

You shrugged trying to act nonchalant, but your eyes gave you away as you took in his appearance. It wasn’t fair how beautiful this man was, even coated in sweat--no, not even, of course coated in sweat this man was absolutely sinful. All you could think about was stripping that shirt off his delicious body and raking your nails down his chest.

You bit your lip, rubbing your thighs together for some sort of relief. You weren’t sure just how long you stood there ogling your boyfriend, but it was obviously enough for him to take notice.

“Hmm... you want to work out?” He sauntered up to you, eyes darkening as he crowded you against the wall, hands coming up to rest on either side of your head behind you.

Your held your breathe as you took in the sudden change in his demeanor. This was the man you had come to know all too well every night, the one that bent your body to his will.

“I missed you, feels like I haven’t seen you in weeks,” You whispered, tucking a strand of his hair back behind his ear. He smiled brightly, bunny teeth on display as he cupped your cheek leaning down to kiss your forehead sweetly.

Stepping back, he booped your nose cutely with his finger. “I always miss you.” Sighing sadly, “When this comeback is done I promise we will take a vacation, just the two of us. We can spend every waking moment with each other. We don’t even have to leave the bed.” He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

God, You loved this man so much. How you had gotten so lucky to land Bangtan’s golden boy, he was anything and everything you could ask for in a boyfriend.

“I was about to start some weights, you wanna start with some cardio?” Just like that your tender moment was gone and Muscle bunny was back. How did he just flip a switch just like that, was it part of being an idol or something?

Huffing loudly, you made your way over to the treadmill he had just vacated, turning it on the lowest setting. You walked as slowly as possible, staring aimlessly at the little television blasting some random entertainment show before you. Behind you sounds of grunting and heavy weights clinking filled your ears as he began his workout again.

It was about 16 minutes later, according to the treadmill, when you had finally reached your breaking point. His grunts and groans were driving you crazy, you could hardly walk for fear the slick coating your core would drip down your legs.

Stopping the treadmill you spun around to find him doing sit-ups on the floor, each time he sat up he gave a soft grunt. You bit your lip as an evil plan hatched in your head.

Two could play this game.

You sashayed over to the rowing machine, plopping down loudly on the seat as you fastened your legs in. Wrapping your fingers around the handle to pull back fiercely, you let out a whisper of a moan. You saw his head swivel around towards you at the noise.

Ha, take some of your own medicine Kookie!

You smirked, continuing to pull on the rowing machine. Arching your back with each tug so your breasts thrust into the air alluringly.

His gaze zeroed in on the way your breasts proudly displayed as you rowed, suddenly his grey sweats felt all too tight. He knew you were purposely trying to rile him up, and it was working. But his competitive nature would never let him give him.

Plus, he was actually enjoying having you here with him for once, and he had to admit seeing you working out made him proud.

Not like you needed to work out, eyeing that perfect ass he loved so much. Having you ride him reverse cowgirl was one of his favorite positions, he loved watching that ass bounce up and down on his dick.

Reaching down to adjust his hardening length, he pulled his gaze from your body to refocus himself. At this rate he was going to lose this game you had decided to play and turn this into a whole other kind of workout.

You had quietly crept over his way once he went back to finishing his sit-up, the slight sway of your hips driving him to distraction once more. He stopped, arms behind his head as he laid back looking up at you suspiciously, “You done already?” He questioned, regarding you as a smirk lifted his lips.

You weren’t going to give in that easily, sure you’d been annoyed he hadn’t come over at your show earlier while rowing. You couldn’t miss him adjusting himself and the tent in his pants though. You were getting to him too. It was time to change tactics.

Throwing your leg over his waist you straddled his stomach, hands splayed out across his chest as you nestled your core above his hardening length. Your fingers sliding slowly down his chest to push yourself back to lay against his knees causing your breasts to jut out towards his face tauntingly. “Nope. Just taking a break…”

His brow raised quizzically, thrusting his hips off the floor bouncing you in the process to signal you should move. “Alright princess, well I just finished sit-ups… so how about you give me some motivation to finish my pushups?”

His hands encircled your waist when you didn't move, hoisting you up into the air like you weighed nothing. He let your body slide painfully slow down his until your feet touched the floor, “Lay down.” His voice held a hint of command forcing you to lay down where he indicated unbidden. You watched as he knelt down at your feet, hands moving to either side of your head, his body hovering above yours.

“Now be a good girl and stay still.”

You bit your lip at his deep voice, his face coming closer before moving past yours, his breathe tickling your ear.

“One.”

His whispered breathe across your ear sent a shot of arousal straight to your core, nipples suddenly standing for attention as he pulled back up.

Just as quickly he was pressing back down, this time you were more composed, your head swiveled around to nip at his earlobe.

“Two…” He groaned, pulling back with narrowed eyes.

The third time he decided to press his body flush against yours, hips rolling into your core for you to feel his now fully hard length.

You moaned loudly, frantically thrusting your hips up as he pushed up just as quickly. You glared up at that cocky bunny smile plastered on his face.

“Three.”

You'd had enough of this game.

You grabbed that taunt ass with both hands as he came down for the fourth push-up, rolling your hips seductively against his.

He growled, letting his body collapse atop yours in response. “Naughty girl. I told you to stay still, you can’t even obey one command? Am I going to have to tie you up so you don’t move?” His voice was pure sin in your ear, hands sliding slowly up your arms causing goosebumps in their wake, bringing them up above your head where he captured your wrists in one hand.

“So, we're done playing already? Just when the game was getting interesting...”

His right hand moved quickly down your stomach to cup your heat without warning. Your eyes flew open in surprise, arching your back sharply as you let out a groan of satisfaction at finally being touched, tugging desperately at his grip on your wrists to break free.

A soft moan escaped his lips, “So wet for me already? Does this pussy want to be filled so badly by my cock?” He trailed wet kisses down your neck, he bite the spot where your neck meets your shoulders quickly laving the tender spot with his tongue.

He sat back on his heels, admiring the way your breasts looked barely confined by your sports bra as your chest rose and fell rapidly. Taking your breasts in each hand to squeeze them together, dipping down to taking one of your nipples and then the other into his mouth through your sports bra, tongue circling it teasingly before biting playfully.

“Jungkook!” you gasped, hips thrusting against his hand in reflex, chasing some kind of friction. You could feel just how embarrassingly slick your panties and leggings had become at this point, providing barely any barrier.

Jungkook smirked, pressing the palm of his hand down hard against your clit through your leggings. "Is this what you wanted baby?"

Nodding frantically, "Yes! Yes! Please!!" You should be embarrassed at the way your hips followed his hand as he pulled back, but you were already past caring.

He released your wrists, sitting back on his heels as you whined at the lack of contact. Palming at his hardened bulge as he motioned to the bench behind you. "Go sit that pretty ass down on that bench."

Jumping up to obey, your body trembled in anticipation as you spread your legs displaying the large wet patch that has formed in the crotch of your leggings.

He quickly shed his shirt as he approached you, dropping to his knees between your thighs.

Your mouth watered as you admired that amazing body, eyes catching a drop of sweat dripping down his chest that you suddenly wanted to catch with your tongue. And those damn grey sweatpants, always showing just enough to drive you crazy. His hard dick filled them out so well now, you could practically feel it inside you already.

He made quick work of your leggings, peeling them down your legs. God you were practically soaking that bench already and he’d barely touched you.Grabbing your thighs to tug you down to the edge of the bench roughly. He admired your beautiful pussy for a minute, the material of your panties sticking to your lips making them practically transparent.

He slid his fingertip down your slit, pressing just the tip inside your pussy the material of your panties creating resistance from going in any further.

"All of this just for me? How long has my poor baby been suffering? If you’d just said you wanted to be fucked we could have ended this game quickly. But now I feel like making you wait… I won after all.” A smirk quirked his lips, leaning down to suck your clit into his mouth over the fabric.

“Fuck Jungkook!!” You squealed at the feeling of his mouth, the material of your underwear aiding the sensation. You slid your hand into Jungkook's hair, the other gripped onto the bench beneath you as you rolled your hips against his mouth.

Without removing his mouth from your clit, he grabbed your flimsy underwear tearing it off your body and flinging the offending material away. His mouth moving over your now bare pussy, tongue delving into your folds greedily.

You sobbed in relief, squeezing your thighs together at the sudden onslaught of pleasure that was almost unbearable.

Jungkooks digs his fingers into your thighs, keeping them open for his onslaught. "Ah Ah, don't hide from me." He quips smartly, sending a sharp smack to your pussy that causes you to jump, a whine escaping you at the stinging sensation as more arousal seeps from your lips.

He begins lapping at your clit teasingly, his fingers massaging your thighs as he enjoyed the whines escaping your lips.

“Kook, stop teasing!”

He takes your clit into his mouth once more, sucking strongly. At the same time slowly inserting one finger, curling it as he begins thrusting in and out of your sloppy cunt, rubbing that sweet spot each time.

You could already feel that familiar knot forming in your stomach and he’s barely touched you. Turned on beyond belief from their game earlier and not seeing him the past few days, or more specifically not seeing his cock.

"Tell me this isn't what you came down here for?" He remarks, pulling his digit from your pussy and bringing it up to his lips to taste you.

You screamed in frustration at the sudden emptiness, leaning up on your elbows as you regarded him between your legs not moving.

"Jungkook!" He just laughed at your situation, removing his finger with a pop from his lips, his tongue prodding his cheek. He reached down palming at his dick which had become so painfully hard. Your gaze followed his hand, jerking his length over his pants a few times in relief. He couldn’t wait to finally feel you wrapped so tightly around his cock, it had been so long, he was tired of using his own hand for relief. It was a poor excuse for that tight pussy he had come to love.

"Fine, okay! I came down to get fucked okay? I couldn't wait for you any longer… Jungkook! Please just fuck me already you idiot! I need to feel you!" you sobbed, throwing your arm over your eyes in embarrassment at your confession. Even after so many years you could feel embarrassment at how badly you wanted him at times.

He smiles all teeth at your confession, "Good girl, that wasn't so hard now was it? Did you really think I thought you wanted to work out? Unless you were referring to this workout." He motioned to himself with a cocky smirk, tongue running along his lower lip.

Before you could make a smart ass remark he plunged two fingers inside your pussy, thrusting them quickly in and out of you.

Shoving your sports bra up to reveal those beautiful pert nipples. Taking one into his mouth, his tongue lavishing attention on it as he scissored his fingers inside you, stretching you out for him.

"So fucking tight. How are you still so fucking tight!" He grunted, slipping a third finger inside of you.

You winced at the slight burn, your body already having forgotten the shape of his dick. As the burn ebbed, a delicious pleasure spreading in its place as your thighs quaked from the sudden orgasm approaching. Your hips thrusting in tandem with his fingers, chasing your high.

"Yes, Yes! Jungkook harder!!" You tugged at his dark locks, forcing his mouth harder against your breast.

He rubbed at your clit with his thumb, curling his fingers to continually hit your spot as he increased his speed. His fingers moving so fast you could barely keep up.

Suddenly you felt that cord snap inside of you, your back arching off the bench as you screamed out from your orgasm. A rush of liquid flooded Jungkook's fingers, spraying his chest as he dove down to taste your release. Tongue fucking your gaping hole as it quivered around his mouth, you tasted so fucking sweet he couldn't get enough of it.He pulled his fingers out to rub your clit as his tongue delved deeply inside of you prolonging your release.

"Ah, Jungkook no more.. please..."

He forced your thighs to wide as you tried closing them from the overstimulation, squirming away from his mouth. Your fingers tangled in his dark locks as you tugged at his head trying to stop him.

"I know you can, don't even think about stopping me."

He continued lapping at your sopping pussy, filling you with two fingers again as he sought that spot inside you.

You could feel the overstimulation already turning to pleasure again, moaning loudly as you thrashed on the bench with your fast approaching second release.

Jungkook sucked your clit into his mouth, fucking his fingers harder inside of you until you felt that damn break once more. "JUNGKOOK!!" you screamed his name loudly, black flashing behind your eyes as you squirted all over his face this time, your thighs shaking with the intensity of your orgasm.

You lay back panting as he removed his fingers, watching your gaping hole quiver at the emptiness. He licked his lips glancing down at your throughly fucked out face with satisfaction.

"Good girl, I knew you would do it." He sat back on his knees, chest glistening with your release. Standing up, he quickly kicked his sweats and briefs off, his cock springing to attention against his stomach. He wrapped his hand around his painfully hard length, sliding his fingers up and down a few times before his eyes caught on something in the corner.

You were so out of it, currently basking in your post release, you hadn't even noticed him move to the corner of the room. It wasn't until you felt something cold wrapping around your wrists that you startled to attention.

"What..?" you questioned, giving a measuring tug of your wrists to find them tied together with something.

"You were very bad tonight, trying to stop me from enjoying my prize earlier." He gave a sharp tug making sure your wrists were secured with the jump rope.

"So now your going to lay there and let me fuck you however I want." He whispered in your ear before standing up, he lifted your body up from the bench forcing you to now lay on your stomach.He eyed that beautiful ass now on display, delivering a harsh smack to your left cheek enjoying the red marring your skin.

You jumped at the sudden stinging of his hand, a new flush of arousal spreading throughout your body.

He knelt down at the end of the bench, adjusting some knobs. You suddenly found your feet leaving the floor at the same time the rest of your body leaned down closer to the floor. You felt incredibly vulnerable suddenly, ass up in the air, pussy quite literally on display for his viewing pleasure. You couldn't see where he was or what he was doing.

"Fuck, you're so perfect."

He eyed your position, having risen one side of the bench to lift your ass up to the perfect height, while the other was lowered for your comfort so you wouldn't be at a weird angle. He could see just how wet you were from this angle, your pussy dripping on the bench as your hole twitched with anticipation.

He ran his index finger through your slick, "Just for me."

You suddenly felt the head of his dick teasing your core causing you to thrust yourself back against him, you wanted to feel him filling you up so badly. But instead he kept teasing you, tapping his dick against your clit as he pressed a hand down against your lower back to hold you in place delivering a shark smack to your ass.

"Stay still." He growled under his breathe, pushing forward until the thick head of his cock sinks inside you, just as quickly pulling it out.

"Jungkook!" You screeched, wriggling against your confines in frustration, you feel a new wave of wetness seeping from your pussy. "Please, Jungkook, please fuck me! I need your cock.."

His fingers spread out across your ass, massaging at the reddened cheeks. "You look so amazing like this, bared just for me, pussy just waiting to be filled." He pulled your cheeks apart, groping as he watched the way your pussy twitched, admiring the mess you made of the bench already. He strokes his cock once before lining it up with your heat, coating it in your cum before suddenly thrusting forward sinking balls deep inside of you.

"Fuck!" you screamed out, suddenly feeling so full as he sunk so deeply inside you. You swear you could feel him all the way to your stomach. You clenched around him inside you, wanting to keep him inside.

He slowly pulled out until just the tip was left inside you, letting you feel every ridge and vein before harshly thrusting back in as your ass jiggled with the motion.

Suddenly his thrusts sped up, hips plunging into you as the bench jerked beneath you at the strength of his motion. Loud moans left your mouth as your body fought to keep up with his pace. Pleasure wracks your body, fighting against the orgasm already approaching.

He watched your ass bounce against his hips as he took your hips in his hand, forcing your body down to meet his thrusts. Your orgasm hits you as soon as he presses his thumb down on your clit, thighs shaking as your body releases for the third time tonight.

Jungkook continued thrusting through your orgasm, chasing his release as you felt him swell even bigger flooding your insides with his cum. He gave a few more lay thrusts as his cum started leaking out between your bodies soaking the bench below. He slowly pulled out from the warmth of your body, cupping your heat to keep his cum inside.

“Don’t let even a drop escape.” He commanded moving your hand to replace his as he went to slid his boxers and work out shorts back on.

You squeezed your legs together trying in vain to keep his cum from running down your legs as you to went to find your underwear and leggings he had thrown haphazardly. 

He gave your ass a firm smack once you had finished getting dressed, pushing you towards the door.

“Now be a good girl and let me finish my workout.” He flashed you a cocky grin before heading back over to the weights.

Your jaw dropped at his request, “Seriously?!?” 

Remember to like, reblog and follow if you enjoyed!  💋

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 1 – STONY FAVORITES

When I Think (Oh, it Terrifies Me) by celli

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 8,643 Tags: Telepathy, First Time, Tony Hates Magic

Summary: Look, some mornings you wake up and little green men are invading New York City; some mornings you wake up and you can hear Captain America's voice in your head. Tony has been an Avenger long enough that he saves his freakout for important things.

Reasons why I love it: The humor in this is superb, it makes me laugh every time. Seeing how they care for one another even before they realize they want more is really, really sweet. And the conclusion in the end is brilliant in concept alone, but also so goddamn funny. Also, drunk-by-extension-Steve is a delight, always and forever.

I Hate You: A Love Story by FestiveFerret

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 14,558 Tags: College AU, Booty Calls, Enemies to Friends to Lovers

Summary: Tony had honestly been stunned that his "Wanna fuck?" line had actually worked, but tasting Steve's desperation on his tongue now, it made a bit more sense. All Tony wanted was a handful of that muscular ass and a look at the abs he'd seen a hint of under Steve's painted-on shirt.

Reasons why I love it: Ferret never misses, and this fic is exhibit 399 of proof of that. I love the way Tony and Steve's relationship develops from begrudgingly in lust to actually caring for one another. And to top off a wonderful story, the smut is also superb. I've probably read this fic more than 30 times, but I always come back to read it again. It's definitely one of my comfort fics.

Exact Measurements Required by trilliath

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 13,517 Tags: Wardrobe Malfunctions, Humor, Crack Treated Seriously

Summary: That time S.H.I.E.L.D. quartermasters accidentally put Steve's balls in a vise and it goes exactly as well as you'd expect it to. Tony promptly offers to help. Because he's helpful like that. Obviously.

Reasons why I love it: One of my favorite Stony fics of all time. Not only is it scorchingly hot, but the way trilliath took this cracky concept and turned it into such a lovely story is absolutely amazing. Tony is hilarious in this, and Steve's inner monologue just takes the cake. Definitely read this, if you haven't already!

The Highest Form of Friendship by ChibiSquirt

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 5,661 Tags: Getting Together, Humor, Sex on a Car

Summary: “Imagine if I’d met you back in my hellion days,” Tony says, and Steve groans out loud. There’s a mental image, here. Well, Steve’s a visual kind of guy; mental images are how he operates. The mental image is of a baby Tony - okay, not baby; Heyday Tony, let’s call him - and Heyday Tony has dark eyes and a wide mouth, and the little pin-scratch frown that Nowadays Tony wears all the time these days has been magically retrotransformed into a confident smirk. Heyday Tony has the same lean strength that Nowadays Tony has, but he looks taller because he bears himself more aggressively, more straight-backed. Heyday Tony has poofy hair and a tendency to look all the way down, and all the way back up, at a person - regardless of gender - before meeting their eyes. Steve knows: he’s seen the videos. Has maybe studied the videos. Has maybe spent more time on that activity than strictly appropriate... “Can we not?” he pleads. “It didn’t happen that way, and it did happen this way, and that’s how it is.”

Reasons why I love it: Their chemistry in this one is just off the charts. ChibiSquirt's characterizations never miss, but in this one especially they completely knocked it out of the park. The fic is equal parts scorchingly hot and hilarious, so definitely give it a read, if you haven't already.

Unfurl Your Gown by theladyingrey42

Pairing: Steve/Tony, past Steve/Bucky Rating: E Words: 8,541 Tags: Crossdressing, Denial, Barebacking

Summary: "I feel ridiculous." Steve scowls at his drink and pretends he's not shifting just to feel the skirt against his thighs.

Reasons why I love it: I don't know why I have a huge thing for Steve struggling-with-gender-concepts Rogers, but I do. And this fic scratches that itch in the most satisfying way. It's heartbreaking in one moment, hot as hell the next, and finishes off with a conclusion that makes my heart melt every time. Tony is so lovely in this, supporting Steve all the way, and Steve's inner conflict is gloriously written. I can't recommend it highly enough.

[wonderlandleighleigh]

The cooking show in ‘78 is a big hit, which doesn’t really surprise Midge, much. She’s always been a whiz in the kitchen, and she’s funny as hell on top of that, and so the combination of her quick humor and delicious food winds up being an irresistible one-two punch.

Susie is happy, too. It’s keeping Midge in the public eye without having to send her on tour. Abe isn’t doing all that great now that Rose is gone, and the kids are a fucking mess, apparently, with Esther’s genius starting to make her life much harder, and Ethan is still trying to decide whether he wants to do his rabbinical studies here in the states or in Israel.

Shit’s nuts, in short.

But the show is fun. It’s low stakes, and every once in a while they have a celebrity guest come on to make one of their own dishes. Gordon Ford came on once for a steak au poivre recipe where he just hit on Midge the entire time. It made for good TV, but Midge left set annoyed as fuck and the two women drank their way through a couple of bottles of wine that night.

Shy Baldwin came on for an episode to make paella and Midge makes lots of jokes about Jewish people and shellfish, while Shy complains about the fact that when he does cooking shows everyone wants him to make fried chicken.

“My fried chicken is terrible,” he laughs. “I gave Reggie salmonella once.”

Midge laughs at that. “You did not!”

“I did! He’s never let me live it down!”

It’s a great episode, two old friends who have mended a long-broken fence giggling their way through a half hour of television, talking about the tour in 1960, and having a frank discussion about Shy’s coming out the year before. Shit gets rave reviews TV Guide, and even Variety picks up a blurb about the two’s warmth and effervescence on screen.

Susie is happy.

“I booked Lenny Bruce for next week.”

Susie is less happy.

“Mike!” she snaps. “What the fuck?! Seriously!? She hasn’t spoken to him since his overdose in ‘66!”

Mike blinks. “I thought they were friends.”

“Before he fucked his life, yeah,” Susie tells him. “They haven’t spoken in years.”

“Do they hate each other?” Mike asks. “Should I cancel?”

Susie blows out a breath and thinks for a moment. Midge doesn’t hate Lenny. Quite the opposite. They just...never got it together. “Let me talk to her. See what she wants.”

“The guy’s been clean since he almost kicked it,” Mike shrugs. “And he’s mostly working behind the scenes producing documentaries these days. I thought it’d be a nice ‘hello, old friend’ kind of episode.”

Susie squeezes her eyes shut. “Just...lemme take her temperature on it.”

*****

“Oh.”

Susie observes her oldest friend quietly as the comedian absorbs the information. Her eyes look sad and wistful for just a moment before she takes a breath and sits up straight.

“It’ll be fine,” Midge says. “It’ll be...nice. To see him.”

Susie eyes her suspiciously. “Will it?”

“I uh...yeah,” Midge nods. “I think the last time we spoke, we ran into each other at a Grammy party he stopped in at right after he got clean. He was...it was nice.”

Susie sighs softly. She likes Lenny. She, too, has run into him here and there, and since getting his shit together and winning his appeal, he’s been good. He was downright sweet the last time, buying Susie a drink. Thanking her for trying to drag his dumb ass out of that hole he was in.

It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if Lenny wound up being husband number five.

“Okay, then. Lenny is on next week,” Susie confirms.

*****

He gets to set a little early to prep, and say hello. He’s quiet now, which Midge finds strange, but he’s clearly happy to be there. They share a friendly peck in greeting and then the work starts.

Susie hovers, whether to keep an eye on him or to keep an eye on her, Midge doesn’t know, but they run through what they’re doing (chicken soup - she can’t believe she hasn’t made it on the show yet), and the director does his usual shpeil, explaining how things work, where to look, where to stand.

Once the cameras are rolling, that old chemistry comes roaring back like a tidal wave. Their banter is fast and funny, and they laugh together. They shamelessly flirt, and Lenny drives her nuts by adding too much chili powder to the soup.

“You like spicy food,” he accuses.

“But chicken soup isn’t a spicy dish, Lenny.”

“Why not? We’re adults. We’re not committing murder. We can make spicy chicken soup.”

It goes off the rails from there, and suddenly they’re adding an entire jalapeno to the soup, and Lenny goads her into doing a party trick she’d mentioned to him long ago; eating an entire hot pepper without incident, which she does. 

They eat the soup, and declare it delicious, surprisingly, with all the spice.

They end the episode with their arms wrapped around each other, and Lenny laughing and trying to avoid her spicy breath as she giggles her way through the outro of the show. Once she gets out her “thank you and goodnight!” she turns to him and huffs in his face, making him jerk back, still laughing.

Susie can’t remember the last time Midge lit up so much with anyone other than Susie herself. It looks good on her, and since her mother died, she’s been down.

“You still out in LA?” Susie asks him as he’s getting ready to leave.

“I just moved back,” Lenny admits. “There are three docs shooting here in the next year I’m working on, and I’ve been asked to be more active, so I got a little place.”

Midge hears and perks up, but doesn’t say anything.

“Well...don’t be a stranger, then,” Susie tells him, patting his arm as she walks off, leaving the two comics to talk, though listening as she goes.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were moving back?” Midge asks.

“We don’t talk very much anymore, I didn’t think you’d care to know,” Lenny offers helplessly.

“You’re so dumb,” she accuses. “Of course I care to know. We should throw you a housewarming party.”

“No.”

“Lenny.”

He sighs heavily, as unable to say no to her as Susie is. “Fine.”

Susie smirks and heads for the offices to get a bead on last week’s ratings.

*****

After that, Lenny guests on the show once a month, and even when he’s not there, Midge brings him leftovers. 

END

[rodricksfilipinagf]

Academia AU Pt.1 (Eris Vanserra x Reader)

After another successful, though exhausting class taught, I clutch my Stanley cup and take it off my desk, eager to make it to the English department meeting. I hoped the meeting would be over soon so that I could make it back to my apartment to read my latest romance novel I checked out from the library. 

As an English professor at Prythian University, my personal interests tend to creep into my curriculum, and I like it that way! I want my students to love reading, and the best way to do that is to get them to read something they’ll be interested in. Something they’ll relate to. Something they’d read already without me getting involved. 

I recently included manga in my curriculum after my brief stint working with kids. My all-time favorite student absolutely loved Naruto. Like, devoured the mangas because he loved the anime. Little kids and university students aren’t that different- intrinsic motivation is the key to reaching them. 

As I reach closer to the room the meeting will be held in, I unscrew my Stanley cup and take a sip. 

“Well, well, well,” a familiar voice drawls, and I almost spit out my water. On him. Although…I might really love that, it might actually make him unfairly hotter. With his bright red hair, amber eyes, and the gorgeous planes of his face, he didn’t need me splashing water onto his white button down, revealing probably ripped abs. Eris Vanserra, the worst English professor at this university. 

It’s not that he’s bad at teaching, although that would be an enormous plus and give me another reason to hate him. He’s actually a huge hardass when it comes to assignments and grading. What’s most infuriating about him is his inability to recognize that what I do matters just as much as what he does. 

“Drag yourself away from lecturing about childrens’ books?” he asks. “You are aware that this is a university, not an elementary school.” Fuck him. Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him. 

“As if children’s literature isn’t a recognized genre,” I say.

“Just admit it. You just want to go easy on your students. Coddle them and give them easy A’s so they’ll like you,” he says. 

My mouth drops open at that insulting remark. How dare he? “What would you have me do? Assign them stuff I know they hate so they won’t read it at all?”

He rolls his eyes. “Ever heard of giving them a poor grade? It’s how they learn not to do that.”

“I’m surprised you still have enough students to fill a class,” I retort. 

“Because my students take their education seriously, unlike yours. Yours wouldn’t last a week in mine.” With that, he breezes into the room, not bothering to talk to anyone else. Why would he? With his father being the Chair of the English Department, he has no reason to schmooze. 

Speaking of, his father, Beron, takes the podium. I quickly find a seat near the front, far, far away from Eris. 

“Welcome, Prythian University English Department. It is with the utmost despondency that I announce my upcoming retirement. Next semester, I will no longer be Chair of the English Department. I’m growing old, and I want to spend my next years away from academia after my many years serving this university. That being said, one of you will be replacing me. I hope the next generation will continue the legacy of this great university,” Beron says. 

I think it over. This is a leadership position, which all my life I’ve always craved. I’d love to get this job. I would still teach my students but also get to impact the curriculum that gets taught here. I have my Romance Novels, Children’s Literature, and my one class dedicated to manga and graphic novels, as well as Creative Writing classes in Poetry, Fiction, and Nonfiction. I could make sure that these classes stay at the university, and that there’s more like them in the future. Not only that, I could make sure that we get advanced playwriting and screenwriting classes, as well as more funding for the more fun and creative classes. 

After Beron goes over all the requirements for the position, the meeting disperses. I gather up my stuff and leave. Unfortunately as soon as I leave the room I run smack into Eris.

“Don’t even think about it, bunny,” he says, tweaking one of my ears. “The position’s mine.”

“Fuck off,” I say. “I deserve this way more than you do.”

“And why’s that?” he raises an eyebrow. 

“Cause you’re tired. Boring. And stale. Oh sorry, I meant what you teach,” I say, suppressing a smile. 

“And in thousands of years, no one will care what you teach,” he says. “Even now what you’re doing’s a waste of time. So why don’t you throw in the towel now so you don’t get hurt.”

“The only one who will get hurt is you when you don’t get the chair position,” I say.

“Oh,” he breathes. “Is that so, bunny?” Before I could react, he backs me into the wall. “You really think what I teach holds no value?”

“I didn’t say no value,” I protest.

“Uh-uh, don’t go back on it,” he wheedles, pressing me into the wall. “You said tired. Boring, and stale, was it? And what do you think is so much better? Those romance novels you teach?”

I let out a breath. “I didn’t know you kept such tabs on my curriculum.”

He chuckles. “How can I not keep track of everything that’s wasting university money that should go to me?”

The sheer arrogance of him. “Sounds like you’re obsessed with me.”

He smirks. “As if you’re not obsessed with me, darling.”

“Fuck. You.”

“Don’t you wish you would,” he whispers. “Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.” He runs a thumb over my cheek. “It’s not from one of your romance novels, but you look pretty flustered to me,” he comments. 

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from blushing further. “Fuck off,” I say. Even I’m not immune to a fucking Shakespeare quote, but did he seriously think I was dumb enough not to recognize it?  “I have to plan what I’m going to say to the English department heads to convince them to choose me to be the next chair.”

His eyes darken. “Including my father.”

I snort. “So? I’m not going to give up just because your father might give it to you out of nepotism.”

“You really don’t know my father, do you?” he asks. 

“No,” I admit. “But I know my stuff. So watch out.”

“Oh I will, bunny,” he assures me, his eyes running the length of my body. “I will.”

[the-cpu-system]

HI i'm new here but i'd LOVE to hear more about your self ship !! and also some handsome jack (+ self-ship?) headcanons 🙇‍♀️✨ do you have any AUs or do you usually stick to canon timeline?

HI!! Sorry this is so late, I need smthin to do in class so im responding to this now lol.

Sorry if this isn't good?? I don't do well with vague questions, BUTTT you wanna hear more about my self ship hmmm?????

I'll give some info about just me and Jack !! Not my self insert. Soooo.. hm. Me and Jack are married!! He's my wife. Not my husband, my wife. I'M his husband. Don't ask ab any of this, its hard to explain. He's my wife. I've liked Borderlands for a little over a year? My ex (at the time boyfriend ig) introduced me through Tales!! Holojack, actually. He was my first introduction to the characters. I do NOT selfship with Holo, though! This is a thing that's like. important! I don't selfship with Holo!!

Me and Jack got together sometime in the middle of my relationship with my ex? Kinda near the end of it. It was me and my exes like,, 4th break up or something. I needed comfort in something and Jack was there! That's when I started to get into Borderlands more and really started to dip into the fandom. He stayed my wife even when I (unfortunately) got back with my ex. Our last real breakup was actually decently recent I'd say, and Jack was there for me :). He's been with me ever since!! I made my self insert when I first started selfshipping with Jack (at that time I didn't even think I was ficto or actually seriously selfshipping) and now he's just slipped away from me and become an oc lol.

Just a little ago, I also got with Mordecai!! He's my gf. He's not my main f/o, but I do talk about him occasionally. It's kinda hard to most times with how unpopular he is? lol.

I do usually stick to canon! With my s/I (Max) x Jack, there's slight canon divergence by the verrry end of it all. Important, sure, cus Max gets Jack to stop with the vault and colonizing Pandora and crap. BUT, everything else is exactly the same! And with Mordecai there's no canon divergence.

The only AU I really have is BnB au? Dragonkeep? I sometimes dabble in that cus I'm a sucker for fantasy. Max is a helf-elf druid, by the way. In BnB.

Jack headcanons!! Yea!! Ive got a lot, mostly silly, but here's a few:

ive said this before but, demiboy (technically). He just says he's a dude. Doesn't correct people when they use he/they for him.

His scar is blue still! It's never not blue. (his scarrrr.. drooolsssss)

He has a prosthetic eye! Glass, not cybernetic. I know a lot of people hc him with an ECHOeye, but idk I just don't think he'd be comfortable with cybernetics

Hes a bottommmmmmm. Switch, actually, but bro likes being dominated (this isn't really a hc ig? This is basically canon)

YEA!!! I'm bout to go to lunch so this is all you're gettin. Sorry it was long!! Hope this answered tho!!

[marshmurmurs]

hello i would like to know more about abyss vault hunters au

okay! so! this is gonna be all over the place i just have to be so silly about the abyss or i will explode

i've sorta ended up associating the abyss with the deep dark. something to do with vaults being a separate dimension, a biome labelled as void. something to do with void themed vaults having deep dark flavored mobs. something about the structure in ancient cities that almost looks like a portal

i think tenos has maybe always known about the threat of the abyss. tenos is the most associated with vault loot of the gods, their favor including increased item rarity/quantity. something about the appeal of luring the abyss into the vaults having been greater and better loot. tenos has had the deepest interaction with the abyss. i think i will also be reading in to their branch of s2 final vault including void liquid. it was only a matter of time before the abyss started sticking, before ichor came through the cracks in their defenses as the gods pushed their limits further and further

when the gods notice they announce it as a feature, they let the hunters take things into their own hands with how much they are willing to deal with the abyss. just the abyssal ichor being there wasn't too big an issue but the hunters fully inviting the abyss into their vaults had terrible results. they backtrack on that move instantly no abyss for anyone

there will be a rescue mission to get their guy back from the abyss however not before iskall is forced to seriously consider having to leave jordan there. what other choice is there when the vault gods don't have any real power over the abyss? he can't in good conscience send in any of his hunters into the abyss on a doomed mission. he has to prioritize the hunters who can still be saved and wutax needs help dealing with the abyss corrupting abe's spirit

ianite shows up about it cuz thats her specialest little guy they lost, she can't have that. theyre able to figure out a system so that theyre able to get some amount of god given light to traverse the abyss with, the rescue mission is back on

pete and hbomb immediately sign themselves up for rescue mission. they both kinda feel a bit responsible for what happened, h for not being there and pete for not being able to stop jordan. theyll unpack that eventually. kara and x33n also join in, thats their homie!!

i'm also debating having stress there too as a sort of like. balance? they've got tenos and wendarrs champions(kara and h), why not fully stabilize and get velara and idonas champion on the team? however not sure if thisll make the party too big and clunky to work with

this is also an au that has multiple spinoff aus in my head. one split where the gods do manage to forcefully drag jordan out of the abyssal vault but by then hes welcomed the abyss so some of it tags along for the ride and follows him out. another split where instead of ianite helping with the rescue she just joins her guy, their devotion goes both ways she trusts his judgement

[aragarna]

🌿💞

🌿how does creating make you feel?

Powerful! LOL no but seriously, when I first writing fanfictions, it really felt like I discovered a magic power. The power to visit my favorite universe at will. Writing means I can stay with the characters after the cameras stopped rolling. I can stay with them a little longer. Hold their hands, a little longer. And of course, I can fix things, I can imagine the future, I can imagine all the happy reunions, the happy-ever-after, the kids growing up. The AUs, the craziest crossovers.

And writing, the act itself of thinking a sentence and typing it down, it feels like a shot of endorphine. It makes me all fuzzy inside as I'm spending time with my beloved characters, just as if I was watching the show.

For some reason, it's a bit different with art. When I'm making art/manips, of course, working on a subject or with a model that I appreciate staring at is always a bonus, but generally, making art, for me, feels more like craft, manual work. Probably because (for me, who can't actually draw) it's more about mastering Photoshop tools than anything and finding the best starting material, so it feels more technical. There's a whole process, that is actually longer than the creative part of coming up with the ideas and the design. But it is also a relaxing activity in its own right, and there's a real satisfaction in looking at the finish product on my screen.

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

The FEELS. Angsty or fluffy (ideally angsty then fluffy!). So I guess it's the characters, and giving them challenges to overcome. Plots (or more accurately, settings), are just a way to set that up. Even if I come up with a plot idea first - like say, what if I was writing a WC/Forever crossover - then I'd try to figure out what would make it "fun". Someone has to become immortal. There's potential for angst there. Peter's been shot, dying. Neal's desperate. Neither of them know it's gonna be fine. Oh all the usual angst. You're my best friend, take care of El, etc... And he *really dies*. But disappears. MORE ANGST and confusion and dispair! But, then, twist! Peter walks back naked and wet, embarrassed and furious. Confused and cold. Comfort, happiness, fluff, and of course, LOLz. Gotta have Diana and Jones making fun of Peter. Or, depending on my mood, I can go a more fluffy way right away. In a world where Forever and WC coexist, Mozzie and Abe *got* to know each other. They'd totally be friends. Henry would have a lot less patience for Mozzie's excentricities. BUT Mozzie would totally figure out Henry's secret. So from there I just set up a meeting. Mozzie forge fake papers, Henry would need new papers every 10 years or so.

See, it all writes itself! (it just needs a lot of rework cause I'm stuck with plot, cause clearly plots aren't my favorite parts!)

Character interactions and feelings, I think that's the main thing for me.

Though I also have to note that all those different aspects are important in the final product. I do care about grammar. I do care about finding the correct phrase, or a coherent plot/setting. And I also very very much care about keeping characters in-character.

Wow that got longer than expected! I guess those were good questions! Or maybe I'm just procrastinating LOL Thanks for the ask <3

[redecoratetrees]

can you tell us more about your josher hockey au 🥺 does josh get himself all scraped up just so tyler doesn't have to get a scratch on him? -kiitchensiink

ive been saving this til i was highjosh.jpeg and im absolutely toasted rn so lets get into itttt. im also gna throw in hockey info bc it occurs to me that yall may not sports.

so like in hockey goalie fights are suuuuper rare bc they only fight each other rly and theyre on opposite sides. when they do happen tho they are so awesome. so if ur goalie is getting in a fight its really heated.

tyler i think tries to avoid fights. i feel like he was probably team captain most if not all of high school so he takes being a locker room leader really seriously. and he doesn’t wanna get injured. but if you touch his goalie?? ur dead. its super common in hockey culture to be super protective of your goalie so if they get hit even on accident its usually a team brawl. esp bc u get two goalies and if one gets taken out? that cd be the game.

i think the first time josh gets hit tyler goes ballistic tho. n everyone obviously expected him to do something but he goes rly crazy n everyone is like “bro dont u have ur little homoerotic rivalry why are u defending him so hard rn” and hes just like uhhhh. team spirit. bc he also does Not wanna think ab those feelings. (boy trying to convince himself his developing crush is just. anger. bc of their rivalry. thats why he feels anxious when he sees josh. no other reason)

josh finds out how tyler went off and he just. yknow “you like krabby patties dont you squidward?” hes making that face like “aww are we friends?? you admit we’re friends” n tyler begrudgingly is like “yeah friends” it’s easier to jusy say That than think ab it any more

[oh-no-its-bird]

Tora gets hit w the time travel beam *gestures vaguely towards the "team ro time travel to warring states era but make it Tora AU team ro" post*

And gets mistaken for a bastard senju kid and missing brother of Tobirama bc of the resemblance. But also using the same logic I used w Itachi of the "the only people allowed to draw the connection are people who personally knew Tobirama when he was Tora's age (which, if sticking to the original team ro prompt, would be like 12) so only like. The founders + Touka get to make that conclusion

Him 🤝 Tenzo -> getting mistaken for a Senju and getting lots of hugs from Hashirama that make them Feel Things (TM)

People are telling Tora he's probably a bastard kid and he's making deliberate eye contact w that one time he tried to break into the senju compound and was kicked out bc the gates keyed into senju blood specifically. He's pretty sure he's not a senju guys. Trust him. Really.

Mmmm ok but actually taking it seriously, how would Tora affect the team ro dynamics in that specific adventure? In my original post I went really in depth on what each character thinks of their situation + the founders, so would that change at all?

On top of that, since it's a few month before the Uchiha coup, it's also peak Itachi-Tora-Shisui chaos hours as they plot to stop it

I think it's mostly the same, tho maybe Tora's general affect on Itachi means he isn't quite so much in the "Hey what if we just kill Madara. What then." boat

But also I can see the opposite, with maybe Itachi instead getting Tora on the "Hey what if we kill Madara in his sleep" boat

Shisui can sense the "Tora and Itachi are doing something alarming" button being slammed in the room over and investigates

Oh my god worst possible outcome: they get Shisui on board too. I can see it tbh, they were looking for ways to avoid the coup and the possible village retaliation and like hey !!! Opportunity they sure as fuck won't be getting anywhere else!!!

Plus like, play into the "Itachi rarley offers his own opinion bc he trusts Tora and Shisui to be in charge, but when he does offer it he's listened to"

Well he sure did offer his opinion!! And he sure is being listened to!!!

They actually all just feed into eachothers stress and decide that yes. To avoid the Uchiha coup and or possible village retaliation (they dont know the massacre is on the board yet but suspect smthn similarly bad), this is the best choice to make.

It turns into Kakashi having to talk them all down (whether he does so in time or not is debatable)

They get stopped, obviously, (tho actually commiting to killing off Madara like that would be very funny) and Madara assumes it was Tora's idea bc hes a clear leading figure in the trio and the other two are Uchiha. Tora is willing to take the fall for his friend, but Itachi is not

Itachi has a whole breakdown and bursts into awful messy tears for the first time since his father took him out to a battlefield as a child.

It's a whole thing and everyone is horrified (Tora and Shisui especially but even Madara + whoever else was there are cringing awkwardly at the sight of a previously blank faced little kid just. Loosing it.)

Itachi confesses to it being his idea and, at this point we're past the time travel reveal, explains he just needs to make sure Madara doesn't freak the fuck out and inevitable fuck over the entire Uchiha clan w a shitty reputation that haunts him for years to come

Madara is horrified what the fuck

Also INCREDIBLY demoralized ab the village now, what do you MEAN he fucking left it what do you MEAN originally Izuna died (they were keeping them in the dark ab everything future-wise other than just the fact that the village existed but this kind of forced the lid off that pot)

Also note: Kakashi !! Was !! Not !! Aware of this !!! Holy shit kids !!!!!!

They end up having a whole Thing(tm) about how look even if Madara one of the causes of their shit reputation,,, it can't all be traced back to and blamed on one man. That's not how politics work you guys.

(Queue shocked Pikachu faces and disbelief of three teenagers)

Kakashi, having his own special front row seats to the Konoha politics and rumor mill + yondaime's student + experience with facing the worst of it bc of his dad, giving them some sort of speech about scapegoats and politics and the soul crushing realities of systematic oppression and blame

It's a learning experience.

[ohlexa]

don't hate what you are, what you are is beautiful. oh my god OH MY GOD. that line!?! i was hooked. like instantly they had my heart in a vice grip and my only thought was, fuck, no. because i pretty much knew how it ended. i've never been more thankful for writers. i'm already half way through sixth to the ninth hour and they weren't wrong, it's incredible. i'm pretty picky and i don't know these characters all that well yet, but it feels perfectly in character. exactly what i was looking for tbh. i know you prefer au but i highly recommend it.

do you have any headcanons for them? what's your favorite scene? did this fandom go through the whole top/bottom debate we seem to love to have? are there any must watch moments or interviews with the actresses? do you have *one* single favorite fanfic for them? fave fan video? i'm sorry for all the ? but i need more damnit 😅

Seriously - what would we do without the fandom creators?! I have Sixth to the Ninth Hour bookmarked so I'm hoping to start it soon - I'm glad you're enjoying it!

Okay, headcanons....🤔...well, I've always loved the idea that Ava loves space. (Don't even get me started on the whole Ava can't move and is literally tethered to the earth vs. that shit doesn't matter if you're in space so OF COURSE she's going to love space conversation....) And you know how her bed in the orphanage was right below a window? Well, sometimes Diego would sneak over, open the blinds, lay down next to Ava and they'd look at the stars together and make awful puns about them (so awful that most times Ava would say "I'm starry! I'm starry!"...ya know how it is). So couple this with Ms. Encyclopedia Brown (am I aging myself with that reference??) that is Beatrice No-Last-Name and it's just perfect. Beatrice spouts all about Greek and Roman astronomy and the little she knows about astrophysics (which, of course, is way more than the average person) and Ava eats it all up.

And while I've never been to Switzerland, I can only imagine how beautiful the starry sky looks like over there. Beatrice surprises Ava one day with a telescope and they spend the entire night looking at all the constellations they can find. Ava's looking up, her face full of wonder while Bea can't help but stare at Ava...because well, you know how it is.

Oh, and that hat Ava wears throughout s2? Bea totally bought that for her, too.

It's so tough to choose a favorite scene (THERE ARE SO MANY), but I'd probably go with their night dancing and drinking at Bar La Vasseur. I find myself going back and rewatching that scene the most. So yeah, that one. (What's yours??)

Ya know, I'm not really sure if there was a "debate" but from what I gathered, most think Bea is a top? (Is this correct? I feel like I joined the fandom a little late to really see it all go down. I'm with KTY though - they flip flop!)

Watch all of the interviews. All of them. KTY did a handful after s2 aired and there are several ones with AB after s1 came out and they're all fun to watch. If you haven't already, I suggest visiting AngeChats on YT - they've interviewed a lot of the WN cast - insightful stuff! (And we can't forget KTY reading thirst tweets!)

I hate you (affectionate) for asking what my ONE fav fic is, but I'd probably go with of greater marvels yet to be. And I really enjoy this fan video.

No need to apologize for all the questions - glad you're here, anon!

[youcantkillamutant]

The Advocate: Two Weeks Before Finals

Author: youcantkillamutant

Fandom: Marvel (Black Panther)

Pairing: Erik Stevens/Killmonger x Black!OC

Summary: Lex is just trying to get through senior year without failing anything massive, so when she sees a lamb on her running route she ignores it, mostly.

Warnings: Cursing, Mention of Death (Human & Animal)

Words: 3.7K+

A/N: Hi….Remember me? Yeah. I’m still here, this time with a God!Erik AU. *shrug*. I only own my original characters of course, Marvel don’t sue me I’m broke.

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2 Weeks Before Finals

“I knew it! I knew gods were real! And now one needs your help. This is the most amazing thing to happen in the history of forever. I mean can you beli—What are you doing?” Ruby’s head turned to Lex, where she saw her flipping through something in her periphery. “Why are you studying?”

“Finals are in two weeks Ruby.” In all honestly, Lex was just scanning the pages and hoping that the information would be absorbed. She was too busy thinking about the golden goddess and her message.

“You have been chosen as an Advocate by the gods of Wakanda…”

“Who cares about finals! A goddess just appeared in our living room Lex! With a freaking quest.” By the time she finished speaking, her voice was nothing but a squeak.

“She didn’t say it was a quest Ru.” She said her nephew needed help. Do gods even have nephews? Weren’t they all born out of clay and shit?

“Ertumke, the god of Predator and Prey requests your assistance in a Trial to be held…”

“Fine a task. Maybe even a favor! You can’t ignore a goddess Lex!” Lex slammed the book shut, mostly to stop replaying the scene in her head, but also to scare Ruby into shutting up. Just a little. It was a moot point either way. The chance of that happening after tonight are about as slim as having a goddess appear in your apartment while you’re dripping wet in a towel.

“Do you really believe a goddess just popped by our apartment? I mean seriously Ruby, maybe there was something in our cereal this morning or the smog is—” Ruby’s mouth dropped open in shock, brows scrunched together.

“Lex, you cannot be serious. We don’t even live in a city! There is no smog!”

“You don’t have to live in a city for smog to—”

“Say smog one more time. I dare you.” Ruby looked like she meant it, and after the day I’d just had, I wasn’t interested in whatever payback she was thinking about delivering if I took her up on the dare. “Lex, we just saw a goddess in our apartment and you think it was what? Some weird cereal trip? You don’t even eat cereal!” Ruby’s tone had gone from placating to disbelieving in a sentence, but Lex brushed it off, determined to forget anything happened at all.

“You offered food and drink to an animal he holds sacred. You have initiated a connection…”

“Fine it was a mass hallucination.” Lex waved her hand like the idea of hallucinating at all didn’t send shivers down her spine. Drugs were never her forte.

“There’s only two of us.”

“Then we’re both crazy!” Ruby rolled her eyes so hard she knew she’d have a headache. “Ruby, finals are in two weeks. I am not wasting four years and a shit-ton of student debt for any God.”

“Lex, a Wakandan god just asked you to be their Advocate. That shit only happens in legends. Legends that I’ve studied Lex. There’s no way that this is just som—” Lex could see that Ruby wasn’t going to let this go. They’d been through this before. Well not this exactly, but Ruby had spent all of sophomore year trying to convince Lex that fairies were absolutely real. They still don’t agree and Ruby didn’t speak to her for about a week when Lex had blown her off in the middle of some ‘documentary’ about it.

“Ruby I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” Lex turned on her heel and took the few steps she needed to get into her room. It was early still, the sun only now starting to set, but Lex got in bed anyway. She didn’t want to think about the golden woman and her request. Didn’t want to think that she just might have the life of a god in her hands.

*^*

“The rest is up to you nephew.”

That’s all his dear Auntie gave him. Sure she’d gone and told the girl about being an Advocate, but his chosen advocate didn’t seem all too impressed. Apparently, all she’d done was politely shake her head and promise this is the only time she’d speak to a hallucination before asking Ramonda to leave. What kind of mortal asks a god to leave?

“You’re pacing cousin.” Erik jumped. Trust Shuri to sneak up on him.

“Wouldn’t you be? I assume you heard about my Advocate?” Erik’s voice bordered on contemptuous. Shuri’s brow rose. “She doesn’t even believe in Gods Shu! She thought your own mother was a hallucination.” Shuri snorted at this.

“I know you find this hard to believe cousin, but not every mortal dreams of being visited by gods, especially not now a days. Their gods are much closer than we ever were.” Erik snorted at this. He’d heard of the humans now, dropping their worship of true gods to bow at the feet of musicians, writers, and liars (actors, if you ask anyone else). “You’ll just have to keep working at it. I’m sure you’ll think of something soon enough, you’re mildly clever.”

Shuri disappeared in a metallic flash and Erik did his best not to sniff at her exit. The least she could do was be helpful if she planned on visiting. He couldn’t even be sure why she bothered to come if all she wanted to do was judge his ineptitude to convince one mortal to—

Erik huffed a laugh. Of course, mortals don’t dream of gods. At least, they haven’t in centuries. Erik would have to change that. Leave it to Shuri to inspire and berate him. He knocked on the glass of his cell and shut his eyes.

*^*

Much to her surprise, Lex found sleep, but not rest. Her dreams were filled with silent lambs, rotting fruit and outstretched palms. Whether they were offering or reaching, she couldn’t tell, but she knew the dreams were strange. It was as though she was watching the images on a screen, somewhere else, far away. 

The air was cold and there was complete and total silence. Like someone had reached delicate fingers into her mind and pulled the aux cord. Just as the silence veered from strange to alarming, she heard the rush of a wave coming towards her from somewhere overhead. Lex hurriedly gasped a breath and closed her eyes. Seconds, minutes, hours could have passed, but when she blinked her eyes open, she released a relieved gust of air.

She was in her bathtub, soaking in warm, black water and shrouded in steam. Silver orbs dotted the water, glinting when she looked closer, so instead of looking, Lex closed her eyes. She could hear waves lapping at a shoreline she’d probably never see, and soft padding footsteps. Like a cat, a big cat. Lex pulled her eyes open, turning her head towards the sound. 

A woman appeared, at least, she seemed to be a woman. She was an obsidian Venus, voluptuous and gleaming. The world seemed to bend around her, pulling the stars above to her head like a crown and the night blue sky wrapping around her like a second skin and rich earthen soil guiding her feet along. Or maybe she was the world, or at least the night. Silver starlight dotted the darkness of her form like moles and her face was all too brilliant and beautiful that Lex had to blink and blink and blink to actually get a sense of what her face looked like at all. She didn’t get much.

The black Venus leaned into Lex’s space, resting her face so closely to Lex that she could feel her slow, measured breaths in time with the waves crashing on that unseen shore.

“Advocate, your God would like to speak to you…” She didn’t so much say the words as she breathed them out. Her lips barely moved but Lex could feel the woman’s words drifting through her ears. Before Lex could marvel at the woman any longer, she was gone.

The sounds of the waves was abruptly replaced by howling winds and heat. Blinking, Lex looked around and found miles and miles of sand. Perfect dunes of blood red sand. She sank deeper into the tub, the water cool enough to anchor her in this heat. Before she knew it, the sounds of the windy desert were lulling her into a calm she’d never felt before.

“So you’re the Advocate my family is so excited about.” Lex jumped, sitting upright so fast that the inky black water sloshed over the tub and sizzled on the sand. She could hear footprints in the sand, circling the tub, but when she glanced to her left and right, there was only desert air. “Not very talkative, but I suppose I can see the appeal.”

Lex wrinkled her brow and opened her mouth to say…something, but between once breathe and the next, a man appeared at the foot of the tub, brown arms crossed and smirking.

“What the fuck!” The man kissed his teeth, brows lifted in surprise and maybe a hint of mirth. Lex didn’t know the…whatever this guy was well enough to figure it out. She did know however, that she was naked in this tub.

“Hmm, I would have thought you’d have better manners considering my cousin picked you out.”

“You’re one to talk about manners.” Lex leaned forward in the tub, shifting to her knees and exposing her back instead of her chest. “Who the hell are you?”

“You really can’t guess?” The man seemed annoyed by this and continued on as though this entire conversation was a chore. “I’m Ertumke, and you’re my Advocate.”

*^*

“What did you say he looked like again?”

“Ruby!” Lex had been explaining her dream to Ruby all morning. Ruby had clearly been listening selectively.

“What? He sounds hot.”

“This is not helping.” And it wasn’t. It really really wasn’t, especially because after her dream, Lex woke up…wet, like she’d been dumped from the tub in her dreams right onto her bed. “He said his name is Ertumke and he seems like an asshole. Have you studied any gods like that?” Ruby snorted and rolled her eyes.

“Plenty.” Lex groaned. “He really didn’t say anything else? Nothing about your quest—” At Lex’s withering look Ruby stopped short. “I mean your…mission?”

“He told me his name like it was supposed to mean something, leered at me in the tub and condescended to me so hard I thought about breaking his nose.” I woke up before I could make that happen, but my annoyance lingered.

“Yikes.”

“On the off chance that this is actually happening and I just met a god in my dreams,” Lex huffed “I want it on record that I do not plan on helping him at all. I never agreed to be an Advocate and I sure as shit ain’t helping that dickhead.” Ruby winced like the dickhead in question could hear me, but nodded.

“That’s fair, but honestly…You’re gonna be hard pressed to find a god that isn’t an asshole if my nearly finished mythology degree is anything to go off of.” Lex groaned again.

*^*

Lex couldn’t focus. She’d been at the campus’s largest library for three hours, and all she’d accomplished was color coding her notes. She hadn’t read a word of them. All she could think about was that dream. That stupid, weird, distracting dream. Well, she also couldn’t stop thinking about the text Ruby had sent her with a link to…well she didn’t quite know what the link was for yet, but Ruby’s message had made it clear that it was about the god from her dreams and Lex was trying to establish boundaries about this. Specifically boundaries that would encourage her to write the last few days off to exhaustion and go back to her super, super normal life.

It wasn’t working.

After another 15 minutes of staring at her computer screen, she caved and clicked the link. Oh great, while lex was doing everything she could to forget about the god in her dreams, Ruby had pulled everything she knew about the god in her dreams and delivered it to her in a very organized, perfectly color coded google doc. Perfect.

Ruby might be the most vocal in the necessity of taking a break from studying, but when it came to her work, she was nothing if not thorough. The document itself was about 30 pages with a hefty table of contents, blue links dotting the pages and a bibliography to boot. I recognized some of the books she’d cited because they were often strewn about our dorm. Ruby was not messing around on this. To start, I skipped straight to the section about the ‘Advocate Tradition’, Ruby clearly wanted me to start with the gods themselves, but I couldn’t, didn’t want to think about that. Not yet.

“The gods are not particularly known to be fair to mortals, but amongst their own kind, they make an effort. No god truly wants to see the ichor of another dripping down the hilt of their incabuka, no matter the strength of their anger. To prevent this, and any loss of godly life, the Elders created a system of judgement. A trial of sorts, more of a tribunal would be held against the offending party. They would be required to stand in front of the elders and hear of the grievances of the gods, but they would not be permitted to speak, the gods are persuasive, even to their own kind, and so the Elders decided that an Advocate, a mortal must be the mouth of the god on trial. It was only fair, mortals may be able to sway one another with pretty words, but a mortal mouth can’t do much against a group of gods and certainly not the Elders. No, this was fair, putting the life of an accused god in the hands of a mortal the Elders thought. Very fair. ” — African Gods and Legends, p.72, 1978, Zuri Kahandu

Lex sighed and cracked open a new tab.

*^*

From what Lex could find, the God Ertumke was totally a dick. He had been given his dominion over Predator and Prey to curb his trickery. Trickery that apparently got his cousin cut in half (the effect easily reversed with a spell from the Queen Mother, whoever that is), flooded an entire country with snakes stolen from another (not easily reversed, but part of his punishment was to cull the population in their new country) and even stopped the birth of new lambs for a decade after being offended by a mortal daring to question his power.

Total dick.

Still, Lex had to admit she was curious. What could he possibly have done now that warranted a trial if none of his previous stunts had?

“Oh good, you’re still here!” Ruby plopped into the chair across from her, slightly sweaty but managing to look glowy. She tossed a book into Lex’s arms, and the colorful tabs on the side flashed in the library light. “I brought you some reading.” Lex turned over the book, noting the gilded symbols on the cover and a title in a language she couldn’t read.

“Um…thanks?”

“It’s about Ertumke, or well, his pantheon of gods.” Lex narrowed her eyes at Ruby and she raised her hands placatingly. “I know you said you wouldn’t be his Advocate, this is just incase you change your mind.” Lex’s shoulder’s dropped with a sigh. She still wasn’t sure about any of this, but something pushed her to keep learning. She’d tried to stop it after the whole ‘goddess in our living room’ crap because she knew an obsession when she saw one, and Lex simply did not have time for a new obsession.

“Can you give me the Cliff’s Notes?” Ruby squealed so loud that the librarian left her desk to give them a dirty look.

*^*

Night fell over campus like a blanket, tucking the smarter students in and allowing the careless partygoers to don it like a cape. Lex and Ruby arrived at their place laden with gas station snacks, entirely too much fried chicken for two people and melted brains. They’d spent hours pouring over the book Ruby had brought, the websites Lex had found, and a few more reference books from the library. Lex had come to the conclusion that the gods, in all their omnipotence, were actually absolutely ridiculous and lowkey too sensitive to have all that power.

She and Ruby were cackling about how Gods reacted to “slights” from mortals as they pushed through the door and dropped everything onto the coffee table in front of the couch.

“And the god…what’s his name? W’Kamte? When he built a giant anthill on the home of some human who said ants weren’t as cool as snakes. I mean come on, could you be more ridiculous?” The girls fell back onto the couch, giggling.

“I agree, W’Kamte always has had a flair for the weird.” Breathless, the girls looked at each other. The voice that had shared that tidbit wasn’t theirs. It was light, with a musical lilt. Lex might even call it playful and Ruby definitely would. The two sat in silence for a moment, and between one breath and the next a golden figure shimmered into existence. And then another. And another.

“Do you see three golden figures in our living room?” Ruby whispered to Lex.

“Unfortunately.” The first figure laughed like a song, and for a moment Lex wondered if this is what every church choir in existence had tried to replicate. A soft and melodious sound that swept you away for just a moment, making you think you’d heard just a bit of heaven in those notes.

“I like you! Mother, you chose well for Ertumke.” The second figure looked more familiar now, taller than the first and exuding some sort of energy that made you want to ask for motherly advice. The figure only nodded towards Lex as the first figure hopped, literally hopped in front of Lex.

For all Lex didn’t want to believe this was happening, she felt the heat coming from the figure as it leaned into her face. Her eyes burned as she tried to keep her eyes on the figure invading her space, blinking rapidly when the figure finally leaned back with a sigh.

“You don’t have to believe in us to be an Advocate.” The figure said this casually, and it brought Lex up short. “We still need you. My cousin, he needs you.” There was something in the figure’s voice now. On any mortal, Lex supposed it would sound like pleading, but in the mouth of this god, it was imploring.

“From what I’ve read, your cousin is a dick.” The third figure, taller than the rest, snorted. The sound was deep and tiredly amused. The first figure nodded and waved an arm.

“Be that as it may, he needs an Advocate. He needs you.” Lex looked to Ruby for some kind of confirmation that what was happening right now was crazy. Ruby’s gaze was locked on the golden figures in the room. “My cousin is not particularly noble, or honorable, or moral by the standards of a mortal, but he is loyal. He has defended my family, our lands, and the lands of his allies for millennia. He is unwavering in his fealty and he deserves the same from us.” The second figure nodded again, though begrudgingly this time. The third figure took a step towards me before speaking.

“Ertumke is being blamed for a crime even the Elders will not explain.” The figure paused for a breath, though Lex had the sneaking suspicion that he didn’t need it. “That alone is concerning, but considering the rest of the…upsets happening in our realm, this case, Ertumke’s need for an Advocate…It’s…worrisome. I do not like to see my cousin in chains and I do not trust the Elders to pass judgement, not now. Not—” Before the figure could finish, the lights in the room blinked into darkness. The figures no longer glowed gold, but flickered to a steaming silver. Lex didn’t dare breathe, but she had a feeling she wouldn’t find air in the room if she tried.

The second figure put a hand over the third’s arm. Restraining him? Soothing him? Lex couldn’t decide and let the thought drop as the second figure spoke.

“Watch how you speak of the Elders my son. Remember that they are the makers of our world. Of us.” And with those words our light flicked back on. The silver figures burned gold again and a wave of unrelenting heat rolled over the room. Only for a minute, but enough for Lex to know that the Elders were not to be fucked with.

“I’m sure you know by now that we cannot reveal our true identities to you, but we can help you, should you chose to become Ertumke’s Advocate.” The second figure said this calmly, but Lex could see the tension in the figure’s shoulders. In fact, she could feel the tension sloughing off of all the figures like a slow avalanche. It hit her then, that this was real. Mass hallucinations and sleep deprivation couldn’t create a tension this palpable. Ertumke’s family clearly loved him, knew he was deserving of that love, and now…now they were going to the mat for him. And Lex was their secret weapon. Oh God. Gods? Shit. Lex released a sigh before she spoke.

“Tell me everything you can.” And they did. They told her about the worst things Ertumke has done, the murders and the creations he’s borne. They told her about the battles breaking out in their realm, spreading like a sticky spiders web. They told her about the Godsickness that appeared, leaving the strongest of their pantheon leaking ichor and magic and power. They told her about the worst of it, and then they left. Faded into mist leaving Lex and Ruby to blink the gold out of their eyes. The two girls sat in silence as the moon rose and fell, and when they finally breathed in the reality of their apartment air, cold fried chicken and the strong honeyed scent left by those golden gods they turned to each other.

“You know, the leasing agent should have told us that this apartment was a beacon for Gods.”

“Ruby!” Lex tried to sound indignant, but she couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled up, and if it was a little hysterical, Ruby wasn’t the type to judge.

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A/N: Let’s all pretend I didn’t leave this story alone for two years. Cool? Great! I hope y'all are doing well! Life punched me in the face, helped me back up and then dropkicked me and I didn’t have the capacity to write. 

My goal is to finish this story before the end of the year, so if you’re still reading this, thanks for sticking around and I hope to give you an ending you’ll love! 

As I said before, I’ve had this idea rolling around in my head for a year and some change now (I think), and I was inspired by Champion by killmongersgurl.

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Let me know if you’d like to be added or taken off the taglist :)

Taglist: @princessstevens @muse-of-mbaku @k-michaelis@queenamaniii@dreadedphilosphy@killmongurl@thelovelyliterary@elaindeereads @thedom223 @muse-of-mbaku@bidibidibombaclaat@panthergoddessbast @writingmarvellousimagines@someareblindtoitsbeauty@jozigrrl@iamrheaspeaks @purple-apricots@thadelightfulone@janelledarling @killmongersgurl

[sapphic-songbird]

RIDE THE CYCLONE DEBATE CLUB AU cus im a sad gay debate kid and seriously this is a very fun au. So in this AU they were in a speech and debate club instead of a choir that's just ab it lmao

Ocean: Lincoln Douglas aka one on one debate kid. Let's be honest she doesn't have the patience or humility to be able to handle a teammate. She would be amazing, she's a good public speaker, she's well researched and has sharp logic. There's only been one tournament where she didn't get any awards and she cried in the bathroom so hard she almost knocked herself out

Constance: also Lincoln Douglas but mostly because she didn't have a teammate to do team policy (2v2 debate) with. She mostly uses Oceans evidence but wins some points on emotional delivery!

Ricky: I'm not sure where to place him because unfortunately real life debate, alot like the choir, doesn't really have much in terms of real accessibility :/. But he would be a really good speech kid! The ability to take a topic and give any thoughts he might have on it seems like something he would love.

Jane/Penny but I'm mostly writing this based on Penny: also speech! She thinks it's good practice for work on wildlife conservation :) her delivery can be a little shaky especially in her early rounds of the tournament but she honestly seems like the type to really love it

Noel: team policy (2v2) and he's v romantic about it because Jesus there's alot there to romanticize. You are tied to this other person defending eachothers arguments, traveling the country together and there's DRAMA. He's a really emotion based speaker but is willing to drag through the research cus the hell else is he gonna do in this tiny ass boring town.

Mischa: Noel's team policy partner! Because I think debate partners but they're in love is litteraly the cutest thing ever. He again only joined as a punishment but he actually likes the adrenaline of the fight. He can get a bit aggressive at times but overall he's not that bad.

Imagine all of them in suits celebrating after a tournament or asleep on eachother on the ride home ahdhdhsh I will never shut up I swear.