#but right after i read it i found some discourse that i sometimes stumble across in conversations about paganism

[kareenvorbarra]

...I must confront Apollo with his wrongs. To force a girl Against her will and and afterward betray! To leave a child to die which has been born In secret! No! Do not act thus. But since You have the power, seek the virtuous path. All evil men are punished by the gods. How then can it be just for you to stand Accused of breaking laws you have yourselves Laid down for men? But if--here I suppose What could not be--you gave account on earth For wrongs which you have done to women, you, Apollo and Poseidon and Zeus who rules In heaven, payment of your penalties Would see your temples empty, since you are Unjust to others in pursuing pleasure Without forethought. And justice now demands That we should not speak ill of men if they But imitate what the gods approve, but those Who teach men their examples.

Ion (from Ion by Euripides, translated by R. F. Willetts)

[bettsfic]

Hi betts! I hope you’re doing alright and that your semester is wrapping up smoothly. I have a question about genre, I guess? I’ll preface this with the fact that I am not a writer or lit person, but just an enthusiastic reader. But as I’ve been on Tumblr and TikTok (in this case BookTok), I’ve noticed that it’s a lot of the same kinds of books that people get obsessed over. Largely, SFF written by women and often in “new adult.” I’m thinking of V. E. Schwab, Leigh Bardugo, etc. I’ve read a number of these books and enjoyed some of them quite a lot, but they’ve never captivated me the way they do some. That’s fine, people have different tastes. But after being served yet another TikTok about this same category of book, I kinda realized that for some reason they just don’t feel that adult to me. Which is weird because they typically deal with very adult themes. Some are super sexual or violent and the like, but the way they’re written doesn’t feel mature to me. Even The Poppy Wars, which is very adult, falls into this category for me (I did enjoy this one, though). I’ve tried to interrogate this for bias, especially since I know a lot of people like them because they are written by women, (mostly) feature more diversity, and have large female audiences. But then I think about which books did feel adult, but fall in similar genres: N. K. Jesimin and Ursula Le Guin come to mind (even her youth fiction feels more adult to me). So I guess I’m curious what you feel makes a writing style more mature versus simply the content? Why is it that SFF, while often depicting adult events, doesn’t come across as mature? I guess my frustration is that it’s one of my favorite genres, but the recommendations I’m getting across many folks just...isn’t the SFF I want. How does one distinguish between these? Idk if I’ve expressed this well and I definitely am not trying to judge people. I’m just looking for a certain atmosphere in my reading that I find rarely.

i’m so excited i have an answer to this. so first i want to say, i experience this also and it’s why i struggle to get through a lot of books. it’s why i love the secret history but couldn’t get twenty pages into if we were villains, even though everyone told me they had a lot in common. even if the description of a book is compelling and the story is very much to my taste, and even if the writing is totally competent, i’ve found that sometimes there’s just something lacking that makes me set a book down and never pick it back up. 

i was thrilled to find there’s term for this: the implied author.

the implied author was coined by wayne c. booth in his book the rhetoric of fiction which, while dense, is a really fantastic read (if you’ve been keeping up with my newsletter you know how feral i am for this book). as a blanket definition, the implied author is the space that exists between the narrator and the writer. when you read something, you can’t make any factual conclusions about the writer (the author is dead and all that), but the narration often tips you off to the idea that the consciousness behind the writing is wiser and knows more than the narrator. 

that’s a very condensed version of booth’s definition, which takes up like 40 pages. here forward are some conclusions i’ve drawn based on it. 

when the space between the narrator and implied author is narrow, some of us as readers tend to get bored pretty quickly. it’s what you’re referring to as maturity. however, when that space is wide, when it’s clear that the implied author is much, much bigger than the narration, that’s when i’m willing to sink my teeth into something. the wider that distance, the more i’m happy to ignore things like syntactical clumsiness or poor grammar. i would follow a good implied author into hell. 

for example, i could write a story from the point of view of a violent abuser. if you were to read it, you wouldn’t be able to say for certain that i, the writer, was not a violent abuser also. but you would be able to tell via the implied author whether or not there is an awareness of the abuse, whether it’s being written with intentionality. not morality, mind you, but artistic purpose. 

the implied author has an idiosyncratic relationship to the reader. sometimes depending on the complexity of the work and the critical reading skills of the reader, the presence of the implied author can be invisible. this is the catalyst, imo, to a significant amount of the present morality discourse. many (if not all) purity officers and antis don’t have the reading skills to be able to see the implied author, or that the moral trespasses that occur in fiction are written intentionally and for a purpose. they believe that anything depicted in fiction is advocating for or promoting that which it’s depicting. 

lolita is kind of the ultimate classic example of the inability of some readers to see the implied author. nabokov even has a fictional preface from the pov of a scholar doing research, flat-out telling us that humbert is a bad guy and Do Not Trust Him. and yet, lolita has been misinterpreted and vilified for decades now.

in that same vein, the implied author is the reason that some stories put a bad taste in our mouths. it’s how we reach the conclusion that a story is racist or sexist or homophobic outside the literal depictions of racism, sexism, and homophobia. how can you witness racism taking place in a story and know that it’s speaking to the experience of racism and not advocating for racism? that’s the presence of the implied author. sometimes, though, you can’t tell. sometimes a writer tries to speak to the experience of something and fails at making clear their own awareness. or sometimes, they’re just not aware at all. 

in fanfiction, the implied author takes place, in part, in the tags. i remember stumbling upon a fic written by a purity officer which depicted an extremely unhealthy, non-negotiated power dynamic. and none of it was tagged. i had no evidence the author was aware that they were even writing something “problematic.” obviously i support their right to depict whatever kind of relationship they want for whatever reason they want, but i did find it a bit off-putting, that this person who was a known harasser in fandom had no seeming understanding that they were writing the very kind of fic they were rallying against.

but, you know, my hands aren’t clean either. until the MFA, i was a very poor reader. for example, in 2010 i read the hunger games for the first time. in 2020 i re-read the series on my kindle, where all my annotations from 2010 had been saved, and so i got to see all my glaring misinterpretations of the text. every time katniss has to get dolled up in the capitol and made beautiful, i left a note like “ugh,” because i thought all depictions of performative femininity were Bad. even though thg is a YA book and i was an honors student in college, i was still unable to see that katniss’s beautifying was commentary on consumerism. i was oblivious to collins’ implied author, the presence in the book that is shaking you by the shoulders and going, THIS IS WHAT’S WRONG WITH SOCIETY. 

but sometimes, like in your case, the opposite situation occurs: you the reader are wider than the implied author, and so some books have little to offer you in terms of depth or insight into the human experience. i don’t mean that to sound pretentious or anything; what i mean is, we all read at different skill levels and for different reasons, and we all get different things out of the stories we read. we’re all at different places in our reading lives, and we all have room to grow.

i hope i explained this clearly enough! hopefully one day i’ll be able to write a formal essay on this, because booth wrote about it in the 60s and a lot has happened in fiction since then. 

[clearsky]

My Top Comfort Characters/Kins and My Main HCs For Them

(Note, not all my kins/comfort characters are on here, just the ones I have more than 5 hcs for)

CW: Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3), Himiko Yumeno (DRV3), Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA), Kyoko Kirigiri (THH), Tsuyu Asui (BNHA), Entrapta (Spop), Ibuki Mioda (SDR2), Celestia Ludenberg (THH), Funtime Foxy (FNAF), Peril (WOF)

Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3)

Nonbinary

He/They pronouns

Autistic

Chains and loose accessories are for stimming

Likes the feeling of silk and cotton

Can't stand the feeling of anything rough or bumpy

He likes collecting small trinkets and the bones of small mammals

Can't stand anything salty. He'll eat it but he certainly won't enjoy it

Dating Rantaro

Can flirt, but only if he doesn't try

Petnames are a hell yea

Gets sunburnt really easily

Group dates with Celesnaegiri and Ikuzono

Can't cook for s h i t

Had a scene kid phase in middle school

Went to the same middle school as Celeste and Maki

Knew them when Celeste went through her "I'm not like other girls" phase and Maki was a Band Kid™

Himiko Yumeno (DRV3)

Female

She/Her pronouns

Lesbian

Can force herself to fall asleep within seconds regardless of where she is

100% forces herself to fall asleep when she doesn't wanna listen/talk to someone

Himiko/Angie/Tenko relationship. I'm calling them the Traffic Light Trio

She likes taking naps in the forest

She prefers enclosed/tight spaces more than open ones

Has several hundred stress balls and squishies laying around

She overheats easy

Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA)

Questioning his gender, but goes by any pronouns

Knows he's Asexual, at least

Has no clue what his romantic orientation is though

The kind of person to carry treats in his pocket just in case he runs into a cat

Will stop to pet literally every cat he comes across

Great at reading people

Doesn't talk unless it's 100% needed

Hangs with Tokoyami, Jirou, and Denki most often

Aizawa has 100% unofficially adopted him

Fosters kittens

Not a big fan of physical touch

He is 100% in the bakusquad. Anyone who says he's in the Dekusquad is a c o w a r d

He and Tsuyu vibe

Knows a bunch of random facts

Dark humour? Dark humour

*skates backwards into his therapist's room slowly sipping from an absurdly huge cup of coffee* Candice you're not gonna BELIEVE the shit I just went through

In case I forgot to mention it, he skates

Kyoko Kirigiri (THH)

Mtf

She/Her

Bi with female preference

Burns go up to her shoulders/collarbone/chest

Prefers to just listen as opposed to saying anything

Knows a ton of random trivia about everyone else in her class

She keeps a notebook she fills with all the trivia

Doesn't celebrate her birthday. She just doesn't see the point of it

Doesn't hate sugar/sweets, but if given the choice she would choose literally everything else

Cuts her own hair

A cat person

Permanent dark circles

T-Tall 😳

Like,,, 6'1 at LEAST

Only person taller than her is Yasuhiro (6'3)

Canon no longer exist

Ahahaha healthy life habits? What are those?

Can't handle horror games

She's the kind of person you'd go to if you needed to rant but didn't want any advice

Polyamourous yo

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

She's a dom yall are just scared to admit it

Tsuyu Asui (BNHA)

They go by They/Them

Lesbian

They and Ochaco are dating

They like to hang with Shinsou

Which mainly just means the two sitting in one of their dorms in near total silence doing whatever

Can speak English and French as well as Japanese

Learned English from cartoons

Picked up French bc they thought it'd be fun

Prefers to stay neutral in the whole Bakusquad / Dekusquad thing

They're invited to all outings/events by/for both squads

They like puns

They're a dumbass but willingly, and for fun

Like "someone says they like dark humour and they'll turn off the lights before telling a joke" kind dumbass for fun

Great at poker

Likes Disney Movies

Very touchy once you get close enough

Not in a sexual way, just likes physical contact

Especially fond of piggyback rides and cuddles

Extreme fear of needles

Entrapta (She-Ra)

She/Her or It/Its

Doesn't bother trying to figure out whether she's cis, trans, nonbinary, or what

Was AMAB though

Short as fuck (4'7)

Strong as fuck though

Cuddle game strong

Physical touch is a fuck yes

Cuddles

Piggyback rides

Hugs

Anything where she's touching someone is wonderful in her book

As long as she's the one that initiates it

Anyone else touching her without her permission makes her freak

Prefers being high up

Makes it harder for anyone to sneak up on her

An ace at video games

When it comes to sexuality she just says she's Questioning

Ibuki Mioda (SDR2)

Any pronouns + Pup/Pupself + It/Its

No idea what their gender is otherwise

Biromantic Asexual

Just likes sexual jokes

Gets distracted easily

Has severe hearing problems

She's plays her instruments as loud as possible, with the amp right next to her, without ANY ear protection

It's caused some damage

She talks so loud bc she has no idea how loud is considered acceptable

Wears hearings aids most of the time

Several piercings and tattoos

Likes hearing things jingle

She has a bracelet with a few bells hanging from it

She'll shake it whenever she's bored

LOVES hair accessories

Ribbons are a particular favourite

Occasionally she'll hang little charms from her hair "horns"

The kind of person who never takes any pills/medicine bc she keeps forgetting she has to

Frequently uses emojis

Skates everywhere but she isn't very good at it

She keeps crashing into everything

Has broken every bone in her body at least 3 times

Most of which was bc she keeps trying to kick in doors and skating down the stairs

Celestia Ludenberg (THH)

Nonbinary

Any pronouns, mainly goes by She/They

Bi, 70:30

Collects mini hand sanitizers and can tabs

Has single handedly gotten Mario Kart, Mario Party, Monopoly, Uno, and Clue banned a grand total of 17 times (and counting)

The kind of person to purposefully target someone regardless of what game was being played

Favourite victim is Byakuya (bc he gets so upset about it and she finds that hilarious)

Mains Waluigi

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

Has several banned Twitter accounts bc whenever she's bored she'll start discourse on purpose

Hangs with Korekiyo, Ibuki, Byakuya, Yasuhiro, and Leon most often

It's a weird friend group but everyone's sorta gotten used to it

She and Byakuya gamble together occasionally

She tries to avoid it bc he'll willingly blow his entire fortune in an attempt to beat her

Autustic

Can't stand the feeling of water

Mainly bc she can't swim for shit

Horror movies? Hates them

Gets flustered super easily

Taka is her twin brother

Kotoko, Kokichi, and Gundham are their half siblings (Same father)

Peko and Toko are their cousins

She sucks ass at go fish

Fuck canon she's 4'11 now

C h u b b y

Freckles

Once she gets comfortable enough with herself she dyes her hair in the peekaboo style

Either black and red or black and blonde

Haven't decided yet

I'll be doing Celesnaegiri hcs as a seperate post but I just feel it's important for you to know that she expresses her affection verbally and is a very touchy person

Went to middle school with Maki and Korekiyo

Has horrible eyesight

She wears contacts most of the time but she always puts off buying more

After the 5th or so time she ended up blindly stumbling around a week after her contacts ran out Kyoko convinced her to buy glasses as well

Religious accessories yo

Like chokers and dangly earrings with crosses and pentagrams and shit

Likes wearing wacky earrings

Can run and do all sorts of tricks in heels

She and Mukuro are exes yo

Keeps her hair short so it's easier to manage

Hair never gets longer than her shoulders if she can help it

She seems like the kind of person who'd keep her bangs grown past her eyes regardless of how frustrating or inconvenient it is

She's a sub yall just don't wanna admit it

Funtime Foxy (FNAF)

I'm going on the record to say this

Funtime Foxy is genderfluid and that is that

Goes by Funtime

Any pronouns, They/Them most commonly

Plays music (keyboard and guitar mainly)

They and Funtime Freddy (Freds) mainly play with the kids

Freds mainly tells stories with Bonbon while Funtime more so plays one-on-one

Has nicknames for everyone

Circus Baby - Ringleader

Ballora - Bells

Funtime Freddy - Partner

Bon Bon - Bun

Peril (WOF)

I like both Nonbinary She/They Peril and Mtf She/Her Peril

They're both such good concepts

She's a lesbian, Harold

She only had a crush on Clay bc he was pretty much everything she was supposed to like in a guy

Gimme a moment while I force all my mental disorders onto this poor child

Autistic, Anxiety (Social anxiety, mainly, but she has most types), Adhd, PTSD

I'd like to reiterate yet again that She's a lesbian

Sunny and Glory were her gay awakening

Peril in Book 1: Damn, Sunny and Glory sure are pretty. Anyone would be lucky to date them. Clay would probably go for them over me. He would be stupid if he didn't. I myself would willingly date them over someone like me. They're just so pretty :(

Peril waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of arc 2: WAIT-

Rarepair alert but Peril/Sora

Peril meeting Sora: "Hmmm She's attractive. I would love to date her. Too bad I'm straight and in love with her brother lmao :P"

Peril, a mere month later, waiting for Ruby to leave Jade Mountain, pacing in her cave, running face first into a wall: WAIT-

I remember reading this one amazing story where Sora taught Peril to read/write and Peril found out she set off the bomb and comforted her/convinced her her run so that's canon now

Btw if anyone can remember what that story was called/what platform it was on and could tell me I'd appreciate it very much

I'd even be willing to draw a character of your's or make you an icon or something

I usually don't accept requests bc I get burnt out easy but this is a special case

She runs into Sora again sometime between the beginning of TOP and the end

I like to imagine she just goes wandering around

Anyway she confesses like a mere few minutes after running into her again bc Peril is just subtle like that

The actual confession takes 15 minutes and the entire time Sora is just sitting here like "👁👄👁 sure"

Bam Peril/Sora

Peril plans to keep it a secret for a little while longer but she spends 3 seconds around Clay and pretty much blurts it out

Clay, who wasn't even aware that Peril was a lesbian, is just "👁👄👁"

I wanna say Clay doesn't know what a lesbian is but in my canon Sunny is a lesbian so Starflight has already told him

Anyway he's super supportive

From that point Peril is sorta open about her sexuality?

Like, she gives Clay permission to tell the rest of the D.O.D bc she isn't about to risk being in front of them when they hear the news

(When Sunny starts actively seeking her out as a hang out buddy and Tsunami, Glory, and Starflight appear to tolerate her presence just a bit more afterwards she pretends she isn't confused by the change)

She's pink, white, and blue bc I said so

If you look at a certain angle in the right lighting her eyes, mouth, fire, and under her scales all look purple

But her fire is normally white and blue bc I said so

Also she pale as fuck bc in my canon their fire just sorta burns their colour away

You know how you leave something outside for too long and it gets sunbleached? Where it gets all washed out?

Like that but more extreme

By the age of 10-12 firescale dragons are just white with pale eyes

That's right not even the eyes are safe

Ram horns :P

I'm also fond of Peril/Sunny

Or maybe Peril/Sora/Sunny

But Peril/Sora is the main thing

On the topic of that bringing in my hc that if one sib in a sib group is fire resistant all of them are

She,,, She can change her scale colour

But only slightly and only if her emotions are strong enough

Bc I don't give a fuck about Darkstalker's scroll we were robbed of hybrid Peril

Unfortunately all of Peril's emotions are strong

Rainwing ruff along her head and neck

It's like a hood

It's mainly smoothed to her sides but when she's startled it flares out

RAINWING PUPILS

Y'all will know what those look like as soon as I get off my ass :P

She,,, She can mimic bird cries

Hates the summer

She has more than enough body heat already and the outside is just hot enough to add on and make her feel sick

She can somewhat control her heat but most of the time it's based on her emotions

It can go from standing-in-the-middle-of-a-burning-building-cant-see-your-nose-smoke-is-so-thick heat (Strong emotion) to Hey-thats-a-nice-cozy-campfire heat (Calm/"weak" emotion/Sleeping)

I'm just gonna make a different post with all my Peril hcs cuz there isnt enough room for all of them here

[adorpheus]

on fujoshi and fetishization

Lately, more and more, both here on tumblr and on other sites, I keep seeing people spew unfiltered hatred at fujoshi - that is, women who like mlm content such as gay fanfic and fanart featuring men with other men. And I don’t mean like a specific type of fujoshi, like the ones who are genuinely being weird about it, but just like a general hatred for girls (but especially straight identifying girls) who express love for gay romance.

I hate to break this to you all, but women (including straight women!) actually are allowed to like mlm fanfiction and fanart, even enthusiastically so. A woman simply expressing her love of gay fanfic, even if it is in kind of a cringey way or a way that you personally don’t like, is NOT automatically fetishization.

I’ve been on the receiving end of fetishization for my entire life, from a very young age, as many black and brown folx have, so I consider myself pretty well acquainted with how it works. Fetishization isn’t just like, being really into drawings of boys kissing, or whatever the fuck y’all are trying to imply on this god forsaken site. 

Fetishization is complicated imo, and can encompass a lot of things, such as (but not limited to):

1 - dehumanization, e.g. viewing a group of people as sexual objects who exist purely for entertainment purposes, rather than acknowledging them as actual people who deserve respect and rights

and

2 - projecting certain assumptions onto said people based on their race/sexuality/whatever is being fetishized. These assumptions are often, but not always, sexual in nature (like the idea that black people in general are more sexual than other races, etc etc etc).

I’m going to use myself as an example to illustrate my point. Please note this isn’t the best or most nuanced example, but it is the most simplistic. A white person finding me attractive and respectfully appreciating my black features as part of what makes me beautiful is not, on its own, fetishization. A white person finding me attractive solely or mostly because I’m a PoC is now in fetishization territory. Similarly, assuming I’m dominant because of my blackness (like saying “step on me mommy” and shit like that) is hella fetishistic. 

That being said, theres definitely a difference between how fetishization works in real life with real people, and how it shows up in fandom. 

Fetishization manifests in many different ways in fandom, but most commonly on the mlm side of things, I personally see it appear as conservative (or centrist) women who love the idea of two men together, but don’t actually like gay people, and don’t necessarily think LGBT+ people deserve rights (or “special treatment” as its sometimes dog whistled). These women view queer men as sexual objects for entertainment rather than an actual group of people who deserve to be protected from systemic oppression. I’ve noticed that they often don’t even think of the men they “ship” together as actually being gay, and may even express disgust at the idea of a character in an mlm ship being headcanon’d gay. In case its not obvious, this is pretty much exactly the same way a lot of cishet men fetishize lesbians (they see “lesbian” as a porn category, rather than like, what actual LGBT people think of when we read the word lesbian). There’s a pretty popular viral tweet thread going around where someone explains seeing this trend of conservative women who like mlm stuff, and I have also personally witnessed this phenomenon myself in more than one fandom. 

The funny thing is, maybe its just me buuuut.... The place I see this particular kind of fetishization happen most is not in the anime/BL fandom, from which the term fujoshi originates - I actually see these type of women way way more in western fandom spaces like Supernatural, Harry Potter, and Hannibal. I can’t stress this enough, there’s a shocking amount of people who are like, straight up trump supporters in these fandoms. If you want to experience it, try joining a Hannigram or Destiel group on facebook and you will probably encounter one eventually especially if you happen to be living through a major historical event. Like these women probably wouldn’t even be considered “fujoshi”, because that term doesn’t really apply to them given they aren’t in the BL/anime fandom, yet they’re the ones I personally see actually doing the most harm.

Of course this isn’t the ONLY kind of fetishizing woman in the mlm/BL world, there are other ways fetishization shows up, but this is the most toxic kind that I see.

A girl just being really into BL or whatever may be “cringe” to you, or she may be expressing her love for BL in a “cringey” way, but a straight woman really enjoying BL is not, on its own, somehow inherently fetishization. Yes, sometimes teenage girls act kind of cringe about how much they like BL and that might be annoying to you, but its not necessarily ~problematic~. 

That being said, IT NEEDS BE REMARKED that a lot of the “fujoshi” that you all hate so deeply, are actually closeted trans men or nonbinary people who haven’t yet come to terms with their gender identity, or are otherwise just NOT cishet. I know because I was one of these closeted people for years, and I honestly think tumblr and the cultural obsession around purity is one of the many reasons I was closeted so deeply for so long. STORYTIME LOL!!! In my early adolescence, I was a sort of proto “fujoshi”. I identified as a bi girl who was mostly attracted to men, or as most (biphobic) people called it, “practically straight”. I wrote and read “slash” fanfic and looked at as well as drew my own fanart. We didn’t use the term fujoshi back then, but that’s definitely how I could have been described. I was obsessed with yaoi, BL, whatever you want to call it, to a cringe-inducing degree. I really struggled to relate to most het romances, so when I first discovered yaoi fanfics (as we called them at the time), I fell in love and felt like I finally found the type of romance content that was made for me. I didn’t know exactly why, I just knew it hit different. LGBT+ fanart and fanfiction brought me an immense amount of joy, and I didn’t really think too hard about why.

At some point, in my early 20s, after reading lots of discourse™ here on tumblr and other places like twitter, I started to get the sinking feeling that my passion for gay fanfiction was ~problematic~. I had always felt a sense of guilt for being into mlm content, because literally anyone who found out I liked BL (especially the men I dated) shamed me for liking it all the fucking time (which btw is literally just homophobic, like can we talk about that?). In addition to THAT bullshit, now I’m seeing posts telling me that girls who like BL are cringey gross fetishists who inspire rage and should go die? 

Let me tell you, I internalized the fuck out of messages like this. I desperately wanted to avoid being ~problematic~. At the time, I thought being problematic was like the worst thing you could be. I was terrified of being “cancelled”, before canceling was even really a thing. I thought to myself, “oh my god, I’m gross for liking this stuff? I should stop.” I beat myself up over this. I wanted so badly to be accepted, and to be deemed a Good Person by the internet and society at large.

I tried to shape up and become a good ally (lmfao). I stopped writing fanfic and deleted all the ones I was working on at the time. I made a concerted effort to assimilate into cishet culture, including trying to indulge myself more deeply in the few fandoms I could find that had het content I did enjoy (Buffy, True Blood, Pretty Little Liars, etc). I would occasionally look at BL/fanfic/etc in private, but then I would repress my interest in it and not look for a while. Instead I would look at women in straight relationships, and create extremely heterosexual Couple Goals pinterest boards, and try to figure out how I could become more like these women, so I, too, could be loved someday. 

This cycle of repression lasted like eight years. Throughout it all, I was performing womanhood to the best of my ability and trying to become a woman that was worthy of being in a relationship. I went in and out of several “straight” relationships, wondering why they didn’t make me feel the way reading fanfic did. Most of all, I couldn’t figure out why straight intimacy didn’t work for me. I just didn’t enjoy it. I always preferred looking at or making gay fanfiction/fanart over actual intimacy with men in real life. 

Eventually, I stumbled upon a trans coming out video that someone I was following posted online, my egg started to crack, and to make an extremely long story short, after like 3 years of introspection and many gender panic attacks that I still experience to this day, I realized that I’m uh... MAYBE... NOT CIS..!? :|

I truly believe if I had just been ALLOWED TO LIKE GAY STUFF WITHOUT BEING SHAMED FOR IT, I probably would have realized I was trans way way sooner. Because for me, indulging in my love of gay romance and writing gay fanfic wasn’t me being a weirdo fetishist, it was actually me exploring my own gender identity. It is what helped me come to terms with being a nonbinary trans boy.

Not everyone realizes they are trans at age 2 or whatever the fuck. Sometimes you have to go through a cringey fujoshi phase and multiple existential crises to realize how fucking gay you are AND THATS FINE.

And one more thing - can we just be real here? 

A lot of anti-fujoshi sentiment is literally just misogyny. omg please realize this. Its “women aren’t allowed to enjoy things” but, like... with gay fanfics. Some of the anti-fujoshi posts I see come across my dash are clearly ppl projecting a caricature they invented in their head of a demonic fujoshi fetishist onto any woman who expresses what they consider to be a little too much enthusiasm for gay content and then using their perception of that individual as an excuse to justify their disdain for any women, especially straight women, ‘invading’ their ~oh so exclusive~ queer fandom spaces.

 god get over yrselfs this is gatekeeping by another name

idk why i spent so long writing this no one is even going to read it, does anyone even still use this site

*EDIT: HOLY SHIT WHEN DOING RESEARCH FOR THIS POST I FOUND OUT THAT Y-GALLERY IS BACK OMG!!! 

[queerhargreeves]

Finish Your Thought

Diego’s stutter resurfaces after the apocalypse. The siblings handle the situation better than he expected and they learn more than they thought they knew about their brother.

It doesn’t happen immediately. Diego, just like the rest of the family, needed a week or so to just sit on and process the events that just happened. They successfully avoided the end of the world. Five is back, but he’s not the same person they all remember and he never will be. Klaus went to war. Klaus is capable of so much more. Ben can be back in their lives. Vanya has powers, stronger than all of them. Allison may never speak again. Reginald lied to them all more than they ever could have believed. Eudora was dead. They were together again.

It was a lot to take in. That first week back together, the seven siblings were raw. They walked on eggshells around each other, not wanting to cause any more pain to one another. They had spent entirely too long doing that.

Diego woke up three weeks after the almost end of the world in his childhood room. He could hear the soft sounds of his siblings and mom making breakfast downstairs, the smell of bacon wafting its way up into his room. He smiled softly at the domesticity of it all,

“A family, huh?” Diego thought to himself, still unable to fully wrap his head around that concept. There had been so many years of radio silence between the six of them. So many years of pent up feelings and frustrations with one another and their respective situations. Sure, he’d seen Klaus a few times here and there, but the visits were never entirely pleasant. It was either an OD visit, which always ended in tears and unresolved issues, or running into him as he was too out of himself to even remember his own name let alone Diego’s. Yeah, they all still had a lot to unpack.

His stomach growling got himself out of his thoughts; his body is right, these conversations can happen another time. He quickly stretched and started his small morning routine attempting to keep some sort of normalcy in his life. He dropped down to the floor and did 50 push ups, 50 sit ups, and 100 crunches. He took pride in his body and strength, something he always had to work for harder than his siblings. Well, harder than Number One at least.

Once finished and feeling slightly flushed, he washed his face and teeth and threw on the first shirt he saw in his dresser. As he made his way downstairs, the current hot topic of conversation became more clear.

“Klaus we have been over this literally a thousand times. Donuts are both a breakfast food and dessert, not just exclusively breakfast. Nothing that sugary should be qualified as ‘just breakfast’. ” Ben emphasizes, a hint of annoyance in his tone but it’s mostly light, playful banter.

“Benny dear, I hear you, I really do. But why do cops get donuts for breakfast, huh? It’s not dessert breakfast, it’s a breakfast food!”

“Is this conversation entirely necessary this early.” Five deadpans.

“Discourse is always necessary, baby old bro! Oh, Diego!” Klaus waved at him from his seat on the table, literally on the table, with a grin on his face.

Diego waved back, beelining to the pot of coffee. He grabbed himself a plate of waffles and bacon, kissing his mom on the cheek as he did so.

“Children, breakfast is ready! Everyone go on and have a seat, I’ll serve you. I mean in a chair, Klaus. Diego here couldn’t wait another minute though.” Grace teased, winking at her son. He just blushed and sat down with his siblings, sandwiched between Ben and Allison. Ben didn’t need to eat, but he enjoyed spending the mornings with his family regardless.

Grace made her way and placed a plate of food in front of each of her kids, humming along as she did so. “There we are. If you children need anything else, I’ll be doing laundry.”

“Thanks mom!” Klaus called as she left the kitchen, his mouth half full of food.

They all ate in relative silence besides a few comments from Klaus about the food or the weather. Diego was appreciative for the useless banter, not that he’d ever admit it out loud. After everything, Klaus was still Klaus.

“Could you p-pass the syrup V-v-van” Diego cut himself off, mortified. Six heads whipped around to stare at their brother, their faces littered with different degrees of concern. Their brother hadn’t spoken all morning, but that wasn't too unusual. He wasn’t a morning person. This, however, was concerning.

“Hey, hey no it’s okay. Finish your thought, Diego.” Klaus spoke up softly, his tone missing it’s usual sarcasm. Diego clenched his jaw, that statement all too familiar.

A lot of the times his siblings would try to finish the sentence for Diego when he would struggle to vocalize his thoughts properly. Usually Luther, out of annoyance. But Klaus was always the first one to shut his siblings up, insisting they give Diego the agency to finish his own thought. Diego was always grateful for Klaus for that, for never judging him. For being there.

“I d-don’t know w-w-w-why,” Diego let out a frustrated groan, slamming his knife (well, the knife from Grace’s kitchen set) in the table. Allison softly grabbed his wrist, trying to get his fist to uncurl so tightly around the utensil. He met his sisters eyes, filled with nothing but kind, non judgemental compassion.

“It’s okay.” She mouthed, rubbing circles on top of his hand. She never understood what not having control over your voice felt like. It was a privilege, something she always dismissed when they were kids. She felt horrible about how easily she was to pass judgement 15 years ago.

“Diego,” Five started gently, talking almost as if was approaching a feral animal. To be fair, Diego’s temper sometimes made him act like one. “If I may, I believe this may be a residual side effect of the last couple of weeks. Your stutter only comes out now under a heavy amount of distress, correct?”

Diego nodded, his shoulders still hunched. They all noted how he was continuing to curl in on himself, almost fearing the reaction of his siblings. God, had they really been that cruel before?

“Well, all things considered, I’d definitely count the events we’ve experienced as very distressing. Your disability is not your fault, Diego. I had a lot of time to read in the apocalypse. Being alone permits you a lot of free time, you know?” Five looked down, tugging at the end of his sleeve with his hand. He hadn’t talk about what he experienced during the apocalypse much, this vulnerability rare.

“I found a book on speech disorders in the library. It was one of the only ones that survived. I um,” He cleared his throat, “I learned a lot about speech impediments and the underlying neurological causes. It certainly opened my eyes.”

“Why don’t we wait it out and play it by ear,” Five continued, waving his hand in the air. “If it persists, we can help you work on it if you so wish to choose.”

Before Diego could respond, Luther spoke up.

“I don’t want to make the same mistakes I did the first time, Diego. Dad always said that you were lazy, not trying hard enough.” He shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable showing this amount of emotion, “But Dad has been wrong about a lot of things. And that was one of them.”

Diego’s mouth gaped open, his brows furrowed in confusion. Luther, the oh so obedient soldier, admitted he was wrong. And that Reginald was wrong. To his face, in front of everyone. This was certainly a new development for their family.

“I appreciate th-that, Luther and F-f-f-” He found himself once again cutting the sentence off, hoping they got the idea. Diego couldn’t help but feel ashamed of his impediment, even after hearing his brothers talk so candidly. Call it years of trauma from Reginald, drilling the thought of his stutter being his fault into his head. He’d been beaten, belittled, and mocked tirelessly for it as a child. Anytime he stumbled over his words, whether it was in front of Eudora or his family, he couldn’t help but feel that stomach dropping anxiety that lingered from his childhood.

“Diego, please. It’s okay. Go on, finish your thought.” Vanya said gently, insisting her brother he was safe to speak.

“Reginald l-l-locked me in the t-t-tank for seven h-hours once a-after I st-stuttered during an interview.” He chuckled lightly, his grip on Allison’s hand tightening ever so slightly, “E-everytime h-he heard me, I’d g-g-get sh-shit for it, you know? S-slapped, w-whipped, mocked. It’s f-fucked.”

The sibling were silent, sitting appalled in their seats as their brother’s story unfolded before them. They knew Reggie wasn’t a fan of his speech, but they didn’t realize he went to such extreme lengths to punish Diego.

“Speech th-therapy h-h-helped. It still should, I know all th-the tr-tricks. M-my trigger l-letters.” He felt himself getting more frustrated as he went on, “I d-don’t know w-w-why they’re not w-working.”

“Hey, we’ll help you figure it out, okay?” Ben reached across the table and pat his hand that was intertwined in Allison’s, relishing in the fact that he could physically comfort his siblings again.

“We have to help Vanya reign in her powers, help Klaus explore his. Helping you with your speech is literally the least of our worries.” Five quipped, his dimple prominent with that shit eating grin on his face.

“My dear Van-Van and I will be the biggest hurdle, my good brother.” Klaus said with pride, clapping triumphantly at his chest. The rest of the family burst into laughter.

“You mean you will be, Klaus.” Ben jested, causing an offended squeal and a blueberry to the face from the dramatic man.

“You wound me! Did I ever tell you guys about the time Benny here convinced me to wax my ass with chocolate pudding? Because let me tell you, it hurt like hell!”

Diego felt himself relax as the topic of conversation shifted to something more light, thankful again for his eccentric brother. He was feeling a lot lighter himself compared to the start of breakfast. He kept having to remind himself that the Hargreeves are not the same people they were a few weeks ago, and thank god for it. He loved his family and they loved him. Things were starting to be okay.

[bujorulgalben]

ooc: eve goes to romania

oh yes, nailed that cover shot for you guys. took this at the top of the slope i hiked down a few times in the month i spent over there in that beautiful country.

i figured that i would bullet point the most important things that happened on this trip for you. know that i did try to keep a travel log while i was out there, but dear god i was so busy and so, so tired!

in the meantime, let’s get started:

- made new friends from across romania; notably from suceava, bacău, cluj, and maramureș. they were all eager to tell me their stories (a couple older staff members had strong childhood memories from the communist era), and share some insight with me; especially when it became obvious how curious and genuinely interested i was. i was more than happy to listen and quiz them!

for the record, maramureș palincă is easily the best i’ve had so far. smooth, despite still being fire water. i’ve also been told to visit cluj next time i’m in romania, so as to see everyone again.

my favourite romanian beer is silva blondă. i did try to like timișoreana! i did! it wasn’t happening, lads.

- the insight from my romanian friends and colleagues contributed to some great advice the camp director gave to me on buying a handmade ie; a traditional romanian blouse. i met a sweet old bunica in a local crafts fair near bran castle - maybe they were hoping to cash in on the dracula-hunting tourists? i can hardly blame them.

this bunica helped me pick an ie that matched my director’s recommendation; not loud, subtle, but undeniably elegant (”like you”, she told me. bless.) here’s what i chose:

it’s very light and breezy, which was ideal for the hotter days in the cities! the embroidery reminds me of forget-me-not’s; one of my favourite flowers.  

- speaking of traditional crafts, i got very lucky and stumbled across an arts fair at the open air in sibiu. craftsmen and women around the country had gathered to show and share their goods; dolls and ceramics and rugs and painted eggs. i bought one painted egg from a lovely woman who insisted that she was more thankful than i was.

i also bought one of the dolls; very simple wood and cloth doll.

many, near all of them screamed anica energy, but i managed to control myself and buy just one. i also bought some ceramic magnets to decorate my pc with.

- uh.

nearly got hit by a pickup truck flying over a sand bank in the road. the driver slowed, lowered his window to call me a “stupid whore” in romanian, and then sped off. it wasn’t going to be a trip to ro without a near-death experience on the road.

-second “uh” moment.

i got stopped by police on the roadside early into my trip. i was quick to try and pardon myself by saying i didn’t understand what they were saying, and that i was english. i said all of this to them... in romanian. which they found very funny.

turns out they were only trying to make small talk with me. they thought i was pretty.

- teaching kids who would arrive in from around the country allowed me to get a glimpse of the city rivalries that exist here, and also ask about their/their countries’s perception of their home. the most interesting answers came from kids arriving from bucharest (european capital discourse is so fucking interesting) and ilfov; the county neighbouring bucharest.

i had been meaning to work on ileana-cosmina - my bucharest oc - and i’m much better equipped to, now.

- the kids made me an honourary romanian when i reflected on my favourite food of theirs being  papanași, and spoke fondly of mămăligă.

...they then retracted my title when i said i hated pufuleți (corn puff snacks) and that i bought my cozonac for this trip from a store brand. i have got some recipes to try making that myself and to right my errors.  

- with the younger kids, a “cultural exchange” worked wonders for the last days of teaching. in that, i would allow them to teach me a word in romanian, if i taught them a word in english. my accent, that i adopt when speaking romanian, surprised a lot of students and people outside of camp. even leading them to believe that i was romanian. i had to be, by their logic, as i wasn’t speaking english. i wish more people would try.

i got to chat to a lot more with my friends, the romanian translators, about romanian movies and popular media. many of the translators were also political science students; we chatted at length abt the political situation here. 

i’ve been asked to revise my master’s dissertation for their reading pleasure. lol dammit.

- living in the cindrel mountains meant that i got to take my water every water from a spring. well, a hose redirecting water from a spring. sometimes you get small queues of people with petrol tankers from all over, filling em with water.

- i met a math teacher from iași here at this spring, actually! he had previously done construction work in london, chasing a well-known dream, and hated it. he hated everything about it, so returned to romania and to his teaching job. he wanted me to know that “so long as i have ideas, i don’t need money”. many adult men i spoke to here echoed the same sentiment, and pride themselves on their resourcefulness.

- the stars are something else here. got me feeling a certain way.

- third “uh” moment.

on most nights, the camp hosts an outdoor disco for the kids. most nights, at on point, included the assumption of mary; a religious holiday. the weekend after this holiday apparently counted, also, as the hotel lower down on the hill felt the need to make multiple noise complaints.

the police eventually turned up and forced the night of dancing to end early. i recognised a few exchanged curse words.

- asides the fridge magnets and ie, a car icon, and a hand-painted plate for my future homemade cozonac, i also frequented a literature/history bookstore and found some textbooks i used heavily as points of reference for my research, but in romanian. so i might practice my translation skills, soon!

- okay i’m done. thank you for reading. :)

there’s photo posts to look forward to, as well, i promise.

[arotechno]

The Origins of Aspec Discourse: History and Reflection

Disclaimer: If you’re an exclusionist, just block me. Don’t reblog this post or come into my inbox with your unwarranted opinion, because I will just block you instantly. This is an intracommunity post so aspecs can know our own history, and it is not about you or what you have to say about aspec people. We are beyond the point of civil discussion.

Disclaimer 2: I’m an aro blog but my asexuality is really going to come through on this post more than anything. I don’t have much info here about aros specifically. Given the amount of aro erasure that exists, this should not be a surprise.

On the Arocalypse server, we’ve been having a lot of discussions lately about the discourse, its origins, and its implications. As someone who found the aspec community before the discourse started and watched it tear my community--and myself--apart over the last few years, I feel the need to put all of these puzzle pieces together so that we, as a community, can know where we’ve been, and hopefully determine where it is we’re headed.

History and Origins of the Discourse

Because of the way tumblr’s search function works or has worked in the past, it is difficult to pinpoint the exact origin of the discourse. The earliest usage of the tag that tumblr will show me comes from 2014, and the post in question (which I will not link as I do not have the OP’s permission; you can find it yourself if you’re that curious) alludes to intracommunity discussion, nothing about the discourse as it is referred to today. The earliest instance of that comes from 2015, which lines up pretty precisely with my own personal recollection of when things really went to shit.

But it didn’t start then, not even close.

Courtesy of unofficial aspec historian @aphobephobe, here are a few accounts of the history of ace discourse, so I don’t have to restate it all myself (this should go without saying, but warning for aphobia throughout the links below):

(1) How the ace discourse stemmed from and evolved alongside other types of LGBTQ+/queer discourse

(2) A rough timeline/how the discourse escalated on both sides

(3) A history of the terms used to refer to non-aspec people

All of this is speculation, but the spark that truly ignited the first wave of ace discourse as we know it today may have been The Trevor Project’s addition of asexuality to its training materials and the firestorm that erupted from there. Aphobes and TERFs like galesofnovember were outraged that the Project would create suicide hotlines for ace people, and tried to convince them not to. Rightfully, aces and aros were horrified, and that is likely what ignited tensions beyond the existing invalidation and arguing.

Interestingly, I don’t remember seeing any of this in 2013 when I joined tumblr, or in 2014 when I first discovered asexuality and aromanticism. Most of the people who were involved in 2010-2012 era discourse aren’t involved anymore, often due to burnout. The second wave, the one we’re living in right now, is the one I remember kicking off in 2015. This wave was likely sparked by the #GiveItBack campaign. After GLAAD insinuated that the A in the LGBTQ+ acronym stood for ally, aspecs pushed back against this and campaigned for GLAAD to correct its mistake. The organization listened, and this may have been the catalyst for renewed hostility between aspecs and non-aspecs. The rest is history (detailed recollections of how anti-aspec arguments evolved can be found in link 1 above).

Reflection

Over the last four years, I have watched ye olde discourse come back with a vengeance seemingly out of nowhere and take what I knew to be a welcoming community on the rise and eat it for breakfast. We talk about the Aro Renaissance and us coming back from the dead, but the truth is there’s been a target on our backs from the beginning. The arguments have just devolved, worsened in hostility, become circular. While 2010-2012 era discourse reads to me as less organized and less widespread, 2015-present era discourse comes across as the same systematic, formulaic discourse that tumblr is famous for; there is no nuance, and everyone involved is left feeling emptier than they did going in.

That’s not to discount its profound impact, especially on young or questioning aspecs; on the contrary, the discourse seems to have actually worsened over the years. I don’t know when dealing with this became an everyday struggle for aspecs, but no matter how hard we try to pretend we’re pushing through it, it always seems to come back down on us, harder.

The arguments involved in the ace discourse have devolved so much and become so repetitive that all potential for reasonable discussion was thrown out the window ages ago. I don’t mean to imply that the discourse was ever well-intentioned, but in the beginning there could have been some kind of mutual understanding. But those days are long behind us now.

Over time, the discourse has spread beyond tumblr. It isn’t just about tumblr drama anymore, and even the language we use to describe the discourse has changed over time to reflect that. In fact, if tumblr’s search function is to be believed, the earliest usage of #ace discourse wasn’t until 2014-2015. Tumblr has a tendency to wrap these kinds of conflicts up into neat and tidy bows, where someone could ask you for your opinions on x, y, and z discourse and you could be expected to have an answer. In 2015-2016 or so, no one even used the terms exclusionist or inclusionist, at least not as widely as they’re used now. We called people who were arguing against aspecs “ace discoursers”. Now, the exclusionist/inclusionist dichotomy, to me, suggests several things.

(1) The argument has devolved into a never-ending debate over whether or not aspecs, by virtue of being aspec, are part of the LGBTQ+ community. When you ask somebody about ace discourse, that is what they’re going to think of. But that angle destroys all of the nuance and ignores the seven or eight years of baggage that this “debate” carries with it. The discourse has never been just about who’s LGBTQ+ and who’s not. It has roots in prejudices that go so much deeper than that. It’s based in arguments that go so much deeper and get so much nastier than that.

(2) It turns the ace discourse into a piece of identity politics that you can be expected to have a stance on, regardless of your involvement. A lot of aspecs don’t want to come anywhere near the discourse or call ourselves inclusionists because it reduces our struggle to just exist in peace without being mocked, scrutinized, erased, and harassed at every possible moment to an opinion that can be changed if you debate with us enough.

(3) It makes it easier to treat the two sides of the discourse as equal. Most people involved in the discourse now weren’t involved in 2010-2012. Exclusionists are able to assert their cause as a noble one by presenting us as being on equal footing and claiming their goal is to protect the LGBTQ+ community while ignoring both the community’s history and the history of the complex and long-running discourse that they have stumbled into, one based explicitly in TERF rhetoric. Going back to my first two points, this isn’t a simple cut-and-dry “debate” between two equal sides. There is a history here that the exclusionist/inclusionist dichotomy sweeps under the rug in order to package it as something either more trivial (so aspecs are easier to mock) or as something more digestible for the uninitiated (so the discourse continues to spread beyond tumblr).

Sometimes I wonder how much of our collective aspec history got lost in the mix. I wonder if we became so focused on defending ourselves that we forgot how to make ourselves better. Sometimes I fear that somewhere along the way we lost some aspect of our radical and unapologetic origins in order to seem unimposing. There are a lot of discussions that get started now that would have been resolved years ago had none of this happened and put our community development on hold. Imagine where we could have been by now. I can only hope that, with the knowledge of how we got to this point, we can make it to wherever it was we were going.

I was reluctant to make this post, as staying quiet has always felt safer than speaking my mind. But I have been silent for four years, and I could not watch this go on anymore without saying something. Perhaps I needed the closure.

Making a change takes courage and it takes solidarity, and I think that might be what the aspec community needs most of all right now.

If anyone else has further documentation to contribute to the cause, especially if you were around 2010-2012, I’d really appreciate that. For now, I’m going to retreat back into the shadows and go back to not touching the discourse with a 10-foot pole.

[okd-blr]

Who is the admin

Basics:

While Im sure most of you can figure out who runs this blog, especially if you visit the OKD home page, for use on this blog go ahead and call me V.

I’m 28 years old, if you are a minor who does not wish for adult interaction please be aware of this.

I am a bisexual pre/non transitioned Trans man and use he/they pronouns

While I do not have a current diagnosis I am not neurotypical, very likely I have ADHD

And if any of this matter to you I’m an Aries, a Slytherin and a Furry

Kintypes:

I have three different types-2 kintypes, a Theriotype and a fictotype.

My first kintype technically falls under a few different labels, but would most easily be described as a Cthonic type divine. My other kintype is that of a vampiric like animal/human shapeshifter. these two kintypes tend to be very fluid and blend together.

My theriotype is that of a melanistic jaguar like is depicted in the blog icon

My Fictotype is that of a specific character portrayed on a canadian TV drama that is an Unseelie Fae

Experience as otherkin and in the community: 

I first came to the conclusion that I might, in some way, not be entirely human 16 years ago.

At the time Vampire was the only thing I could really think of-as my grandmother was fully invested in the ideas of the Satanic Panic and had assured me as a child vampires and witches were absolutely real (she was right of course but not in the way she imagined) 

At first I dismissed this idea as the imaginings of a lonely, bullied child who wanted to be special and wished for control and power in their life. yes I was pretty quick on the critical thinking train.

However the experiences I had, the feelings I had that lead me to initially suspect being nonhuman did not go away despite my skepticism and so I would explore it in small ways until roughly 2004 when i would stumble across resources for the Real Vampire community and a small-likely now gone-page for the ‘were’ community ( the label used prior to Therianthropy) 

I read through these sites-especially the resources on vampirism, very thoroughly-though I did not join the forums as I was not allowed to do that kind of thing because of aforementioned paranoid grandmother. 

In high school I had a number of friends who claimed to be vampires, witches, reincarnated angels and such but it was clear pretty much from the beginning that this was just a game to them and they tended to engage in lots of drama and pretty teenage backstabbing and gossip. I largely managed to avoid this by claiming to be a “solitary’ vampire.

There were others I would meet in college who would, for a while, genuinely believe these kinds of things but feel out of it again after a few years-again I was the only one who remained serious about these experiences and identity.

In early 2009 during my third semester of college I would discover the forum TherianWilderness via someones Deviantart signature. Being a now independent adult I signed up, and from there also signed up for Werelist. Mostly at this time I was exploring my theriotype and the shapeshifter kintype. 

I would later bring up the subject of incarnated angels on Werelist and be directed to otherkin specific forums such as OtherkinPhenomena and OtherkinAlliance. (Though I ended up with an account on nearly every active Otherkin forum at the time, OKA was where I eventually settled down) from there 

I would begin much more serious introspection and personal growth not only related to my being Otherkin but also in relation to the rest of my spirituality. in this facet the older members of these forums were a huge asset to me and I continue to value their input and opinions on the subject-even though the group from those days has largely drifted away from each other. This same group of people would also be active in specific Otherkin circles and groups on Livejournal and then Dreamwidth.

In 2011 I would found Otherkin-Deviants on DeviantArt.com-At the time it was one of the few groups that was not Therian specific and in the ensuing 7 nyears it has become one of the largest Alterhuman related groups on Deviantart at over 350 members. 

Also in early 2011 I would create a Tumblr account. At this time there was no Otherkin community here and my main blog was almost entirely Harry Potter related. After some explosive life stuff I would be gone from the internet for a year-when I returned to Tumblr in April 2012 the Otherkin tag on Tumblr was in full swing and already full of drama, misinformation, trolls and a bunch of other ridiculous crap. So of course I rolled up my selves and went to work correcting what i could and attempting to police/moderate a community that inherently can not be moderated on this particular medium. It was all very dramatic, theres was lots of yelling and by 2014 I was sick of it all and decided to take a break from the kin community-aside from a select few people who I enjoyed talking to. 

Sometime in early 2016 I decided it was time to end my hiatus and take a peak back into the tags-annnnd it pretty much hadn't changed. but I was much better at handling The Discourse at that point and knew when to disengage. 

Sometime not too long after my return I would realize the fae kintype I had been unsure  of and questioning for nearly 10 years was, in fact, a fictotype. 

And while I had only been gone fro about two years-there didn't seem to be very many kin left in the tags who remembered me so establishing myself as a knowledgeable person within the community was starting over from scratch. I still wouldn't say I’m exactly a go to person when it comes to correcting misinformation-because while I do do that on my personal kin blogs those blogs are mostly for me to log my own personal experiences.

That brings us up to now-where I have created this extension of the OKD deviant art group. This blog has the same purpose as the original group-to showcase community art and creativity and foster a place for open and civil discussion and education. Though this is one of many ‘kin help blogs’ many of the blogs out there that claim to be information or for helping Otherkin/Therian/Fictionkin are FULL of misinformation and the mods of those blogs do not always take well to being corrected. 

So, to summarize- I realized I was Otherkin 16 years ago, prior to ever knowing there was a community- and have been an active participant and admin of my own groups for the last close to 9 years-on a verity of different mediums from forums to chats to Tumblr, Amino and Discord. 

Who I am otherwise: 

I am a freelance artist living in the US with my fiance and our son and cats.

 I love TV, films and books-especially the horror, scifi, and fantasy genres. I identify as being somewhere between Punk and Goth and truly love the music from both subcultures-though I also love music from many other different genres. I also greatly enjoy table top gaming and it would be really cool if I actually had time to join a D&D campaign. 

I joyfully engage in fandom and shipping and spend probably too much time looking at fanart and reading fanfiction. If you're interested ask me for my fandom blog :3

As mentioned earlier, I am a furry and enjoy the art and interactions of the furry community. As an artist I particularly enjoy how wonderful the furry community is about supporting artists. 

Most of my time however is probably spent stressing about pretty typical things like rent, utility bills, car repairs and home maintenance. I may not be human on the inside but rent is rent no matter who, or what, you are. 

[hodldrgn-blog]

New Post has been published on https://cryptomoonity.com/meet-the-enigma-ambassadors-5-celeste-seberras/

Meet the Enigma Ambassadors #5: Celeste Seberras

Meet the Enigma Ambassadors #5: Celeste Seberras

As part of a new series, Enigma will be highlighting some of the awesome Ambassadors helping us build a more decentralized future with our privacy solutions. Read on to meet them — and to learn how you can join us!

The new Enigma Ambassadors program is comprised of talented individuals who represent our project and communicate our technology and vision to their communities and industries. Our goal has been to build a program where everyone feels valued, learns daily, builds skills, and has direct access to the Enigma team. Being involved at the early stages of an ambitious blockchain project like Enigma is an incredible opportunity — and becoming an Ambassador can mean gaining lifelong friends and colleagues.

With over 40 Ambassadors now across 16+ countries, we are slowly building what we believe is the best core community in the blockchain space — curious, committed, and kind. Our Ambassadors bring many different skills and backgrounds to their work, including development experience, artistic talents, business acumen, community-building expertise, and much more.

Today we highlight Celeste Seberras, one of the awesome people behind Enigma’s success as well as our documentation. Read her story below.

“To me, privacy is more than a concept, a talking point or an afterthought — it is a way of life.”

Who are you?

My name’s Celeste, and I’m an Information Security Engineer and Technical Writer. I’m known professionally for my entrepreneurial spirit, writing skills and tinfoil hat, known personally for my blunt honesty, off-color humor and love of chinchillas.

I’ve always been the type of person who’s forever dissatisfied, from my personal achievements to the status quo — though while sometimes overwhelming, this trait has brought me down many paths in life, from international racing, heavy metal fabrication, launching several tech start-ups to even working in Africa. A habitual creature of solitude with a logician mind, I constantly crave stimulation in the form of information. I can often be found at home alone, researching or writing away until the earliest hours of the morning.

My personal interests vary greatly, but my passion is forever in my work. I have been in the privacy and open-source world for roughly five years now, shortly after becoming introduced to mixnets by the Tor Project (whom, incidentally, I’d end up doing an internship with down the road). Since then I have been fascinated by the potential that anonymity has to offer everyday people in the fight for a voice and unfiltered knowledge, as well as the underlying technology that makes it all possible. After an incalculable amount of hours self-teaching, a couple certificates, endless cups of coffee and equally as many sleepless nights in IRC, I became able to support myself with my work in the privacy industry and haven’t looked back since.

Why Enigma?

To me, privacy is more than a concept, a talking point or an afterthought — it is a way of life. I wake up and go to sleep thinking about technological and social impacts that the software I work with everyday brings to humanity, and it’s what ultimately kindles my inner flame. I’m also a pureblood anarchist, and I believe that every individual has the right to say, share or capitalize to their desire, and that the rights of a person end where the next ones begin.

Bitcoin showed us that we can exist outside of the legacy banking and global financial structure, leaving behind the limitations and servitude involved in centralized power and bodies of authority. The bad actors that comprise our many forms of institutionalism only hamper our personal liberties in the pursuit of collective self-interest; and in the process, effectively slow our development. The only way to reclaim our individual freedom is further extending the impact of existing cash and equity solutions as well as exploring the countless ways that blockchain, decentralization and privacy-focused systems can radically improve many prospects of our (at times, bleak) future.

More personally speaking — being so deeply involved in the privacy / FOSS spaces and having invested in decentralized assets for a while, it was really only a matter of time before I stumbled on Enigma. When I finally did, it was an instantaneous fascination. I had yet to see a blockchain project that was taking the dynamics of privacy and open-source seriously, in the ways that the existing industries had defined — this factor is a widely unacknowledged yet incredibly crucial part of a meaningful collaborative effort. Enigma has exemplified their willingness to learn and grow repeatedly, often looking to others as well as the greater community for insight and fresh perspectives. It is a project that I am proud to associate myself with and contribute to.

What do you enjoy working on?

As is likely abundantly clear at this point in the piece, I love technology — specifically anonymity, cryptography and open-source. Outside of these categories I have an stack of personal projects and interests, such as mixnets, tiny tech / SBCs, vintage laptops, OS development, containers and writing old-school CLI games.

Away from the keyboard things tend to get a lot broader. I’m a very musical person who’s played several instruments in my life, my favorite being the bass guitar. Writing has always been a strength of mine, and I have composed several pieces in my life, some of which are published (mostly in poetry). I also enjoy working with my hands, and have a wide variety of shop skills such as automotive, Arc/MIG/TIG welding, machining and carpentry. One of my businesses is a production company, which got me into photography and videography at one point — a more recent interest of mine. The list goes on.

My downtime is usually much less eventful, and is often filled with bingewatching cartoons or documentaries (what a combo, I know), playing nostalgic video games or tending to my four little beloved furbabies.

My chinchillas!

In the scope of Enigma: I am fortunate enough to be the technical writer behind the protocol documentation, something I very much enjoy working on. In the ambassador program I can be found giving a privacy-focused insight to the many working groups and the crew, as well as sporadically spamming our #random chat (possibly my most valuable skill).

“I believe this year (and the upcoming ones) will be remembered as the dawn of the ‘privacy awakening.’”

What do you want to see in a decentralized, privacy-oriented digital future?

What I personally look the most forward to on the technology side is the continued development of solutions that preserve the individual’s ability to share information, secrets and ideas anonymously, a fundamental part of a free and open society. Up until now this has mostly come in the form of censorship-resistant mixnets (such as Tor) as well as other open-source cryptographic solutions — but blockchain and other new developments in the decentralized space have given us an opportunity to take the vision another step further, potentially incorporating the ideals of liberty into countless other aspects of our lives, from governance to entertainment.

Socially speaking, I think our privacy-oriented future is already being molded. Many organizations have been on the frontlines of the ‘technological battlefield’ since the inception of the internet itself, developing privacy-preserving software and militantly defending our digital rights in courtrooms across the globe. Sadly, due to a combination of external factors, their work and warnings have largely fallen on deaf ears for far too long; it’s unfortunate that things have become as perverse as they are, though I believe this year (and the upcoming ones) will be remembered as the dawn of the “privacy awakening.”

The constant barrage of high-profile data breaches and legal battles has brought a very bright light onto the parties who’ve been taking advantage of us for so long. The public discourse has become more focused on privacy than ever before, and outrage at the exploitation that has occurred is reaching fever pitch. Paired with the continued distrust of traditional systems both financial and otherwise, I’m cautiously optimistic that we are on track to a more independent and decentralized future for all, in many respects. There will likely be incredible hardships and growing pains along the way, but it will be worth it to live in a world designed for openness, freedom and reason.

Why should someone become an Enigma Ambassador?

Because you get to work with me, of course!

[crickets]

You get to work with me, too!

In seriousness though, it’s a fantastic opportunity — other than the obvious ability to network with the many uniquely talented ambassadors in the program and having your skills and passion become assets, there is the chance to have one-on-one collaboration with the core team and the ability to learn about the project in all faucets, past the technology. In the program, there is no one that does not get their voice heard — everyone has a place at the table and the ability to help shape the future of the project with their ideas and contributions.

Ambassadors are also given the tools and knowledge about Enigma and the other ever-changing aspects of the blockchain landscape needed to effectively understand and share the benefits (and at times, downsides) of solutions with the wider community. My experiences thus far have been nothing short of fantastic, and I urge anyone out there who’s as enthusiastic about blockchain or privacy to come join us in decentralizing the future.

Inspired by Celeste’s story? Want to become an Enigma Ambassador? Read this description of the program to learn how you can apply.

Learn more about our project on our website and blog.

Join our developer community: forum.enigma.co

Want to build on our protocol? Check out our documentation to get started — or, if you’re a project or enterprise, submit your interest here.

Join the Enigma Team: enigma.co/team

Telegram: t.me/EnigmaProject

Reddit: reddit.com/r/EnigmaProject

Twitter: twitter.com/enigmampc

Discord: https://discordapp.com/invite/SJK32GY

Meet the Enigma Ambassadors #5: Celeste Seberras was originally published in Enigma on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

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