#but religion-is-a-mental-illness is a bit much

[duckbunny]

rrrgl

[softpastelqueer]

So many people only have kids to “heal” their trauma and childhood wounds and it just breeds more generations of traumatized children whose existence is directly tied to being their parent’s emotional support fetus

[furiousgoldfish]

One thing that helped me to stop seeking for approval of others, was realizing how people utilize approval for their own benefit.

There isn't an all-approved system of who gets the approval, and who doesn't, according to all humanity; people are selective with their approval, and a lot of people will give you approval only and specifically if your actions benefit them personally. For instance, your neighbour will approve if you do chores for them, if you spend your time taking care of their needs, if you give them emotional support, and never ask for anything. Because that's their agenda, right, having others do things for them, in return for, well, possibly nothing. Most people will be approving if you're directly benefiting them, and disapprove if you do anything that inconveniences them, or clashes with their beliefs or traditions.

Some of conservative people save their approval only for those who fit the narrow definition of how they believe people should be; and there's not any space for diversity. You can't be openly mentally ill, or homosexual, or nonconforming to traditional roles of what people should be and do. Sometimes you also have to be a certain race and nationality, or even a certain gender to be approved of; it's not something you have any control over, not something you can do to deserve to be good enough in their eyes. And if you don't happen to fall into the small group of people who check those boxes, you better put your head down and shut up about anything you think or feel, because these people don't believe you should have a voice. So there's no sense in seeking their approval, they should be categorized as enemies. But sometimes these people are your parents, so you're naturally inclined to want their approval despite it being both bad for you, and unreachable.

Then there's also rigorously religious people, who save their approval only for the agenda of the religion; you can have the approval if you're following their religion in the way they feel is 'correct', or if you're willing to convert. Anything else, you're disapproved of, you're sorted into the box of 'sinners'. Sometimes these people are in a religious cult, and want you to join. Sometimes their judgment comes from what they've been taught by leaders who only had their own benefit in mind.

Predators will have endless approval for you, as long as you're willing to be violated by them whenever they feel like they can get away with it. Especially devastating for children who don't yet realize they're being violated at all, and who'll do anything for a bit of that approval.

I've met people who approved of me for the things I least liked about myself, and had the least control of; my politeness, my eagerness to fawn and please them, my fear of disappointing them, my silence when I wasn't feeling okay. I would be disapproved as soon as I tried to breach out; if I spoke out my feelings, disapproval, if I attempted to prioritize my own needs, disapproval. It's an easy way to control a person who is sensitive to rejection and perceives disapproval as rejection. It means causing pain to someone when they don't do as you wish.

And the thing is when you're abused and starved for approval, sometimes you're ready to fit other people's agenda just to get a little glimpse of it. You're ready to please people endlessly, maybe to join a religion or a political group, you're ready to believe their ideals, tolerate a predator or an abuser, because then they'll smile at you, tell you that you're doing good, praise you, make you feel like you belong for a second. Sometimes we're not even aware we're doing so much for just so little, and we're not aware that the ideals we're following are not in our benefit, are not something we should support at all. That we'll come out on the other side traumatized, with them not being affected at all, or caring about the mountains of effort and sacrifice we put into that relationship.

One thing that is almost never approved in society is being open about things people don't want to think about, or talk about. What happens in abusive families, what is done to children who are left alone with sadistic, manipulative adults who believe they have the right to hurt and control any child they had, how often are children exposed to pedophiles or even sexually abused by their own family members, what are the consequences of that for the child, what difficulties they face later in life. There's nothing bad in discussing this; in fact, having it out in the open gives people a chance to condemn child abuse, to turn against child abusers and predators, to predict where future abuse could occur and prevent it, to help children be more safe. But it's uncomfortable to accept the problem of abuse in their own community, so people will disapprove anyone even attempting it.

The system of approval is not universal, you'll have people approve and disapprove different things on you regardless of what you do and how you do it, but if you think about why they're doing it, it becomes clear what their agenda and intentions are. They're trying to build a world where they want to live in, (or keep up an illusion of it) and sometimes, it's not a world that you want to live in. These are not people who know how it is to be you, or how much it takes to live your life. They don't know or understand what you've been trough, they're looking at you only in the manner of how they could shape you to be what they want. Their approval is not for your own benefit. It's for theirs.

So you can do it to them too. You can decide what is good and what isn't, because you have an understanding of your own life, better than anyone else has, and you can see what in the world you want, and what your own agenda is. You can disapprove of people who try to stand in your way, or who would keep you in pain and silence just to have their illusions untouched. You can tell them you have no interest in helping their agenda because it only furthers the amount of suffering on earth.

And if they act like your opinion doesn't have a value, or you 'haven't lived long enough to have a correct opinion', then they'll never hold you on equal ground. Notice they never come up with that stuff when your opinion is the same as theirs, only when it differs, then you're not smart enough to speak. It's senseless to argue with people who look down on you for speaking out, without ever engaging with your argument, without being willing to see things from your perspective for even a second, especially after you've indulged with theirs. Them looking down on you doesn't mean you're wrong. It means they're not willing to hear you out.

Once you establish your own values and morals that you want to pursue, you can live your life according to them, and then you can approve of yourself. If you know what traits are important to you, and you have them, and you live according to them, you can evaluate yourself, and figure that you're okay. Other people can disagree, but without a significant insight in your life, your goals and your struggles, their opinions hold no weight. It's likely their disapproval comes from you not fitting perfectly into their agenda, rather than you failing at anything personally. You can decide you're good enough. Your evaluation is more important than theirs.

[the-oceankin-collective]

Advice for younger alterhumans

(Focusing a lil more on therians)

(A bit of rambling )

Please repost

Pt.1 the biggest thing

So let’s start with the biggest thing and that is: some people just hate us.

Now that can be for a variety of reasons.

example: I know someone who hates alterhumans because she was stalked by one for months.

(More below the cut because this is a big post)

List of common reasons:

Some people hate us because those of us who have past lives go against their religion.

Some people just don’t like people who are different.

Some people think we are mentally ill.

Some people think we are zoos.

Some people think we are furries and because they hate furries they hate us.

Pt.2 keeping yourself safe

So this is extremely important if you are a minor Because most likely you live with a parent/guardian.

So how do you ensure you are safe?

Well it’s not that hard

1. Only tell people you trust. if you want to check if it’s safe to tell someone mention therians in conversations and see how they react.

2. Remember that there are community’s online that you can make friends on if you can’t tell anyone irl about your identity. (Therian guide.net is one)

3. If your parents/guardians are supportive you can find fellow therians on international therian day just draw the therian delta in your hand.

Pt.3 what if I don’t have shifts?

So lets make one thing clear not all therians have shifts a good chunk do but they are not what make you a therian/Otherkin.

Also it’s perfectly fine and quite common not to know you therotype/Kintype right away.

It’s also perfectly fine to be mistaken on your therotype/Kintype for example: I went through a period of thinking I was a crow therian

(I do think I have a winged thero/Kintype but that’s a story for another day)

So pretty much it’s ok to be mistaken infact most alterhumans are at first .

Pt.4 The pros and cons of packs

So I was actually a head mod on hiddenwhispers discord server until my aunt discovered I had discord. (as i am a minor I have tak obey her wishes)

So now I am gonna give a overview of my experiences with therian packs

So the first one I joined (foxx_kit on yts one)

There was lots of dark stuff in the heavy vent channel but Everyone was really nice and all in all it was a great experience.

The second one what I helped create

It was good a lot of dark stuff in the vents but still good.

Now for hiddenwhispers one.

So most people were nice and respected me as a mod but we got frequently raided by antis who sent gore and other stuff.

Lots of dark stuff in the vents.

Whisper was really nice and always treated me as a close friend.

So one thing you will notice is lots of them have vents that contain images of sh so that’s a downside.

On the otherhand I made many friends so at the end of the day it’s good unless you look in the vents.

End of post.

So I hope you have learned something from this post.

Remember to eat and drink

luv ya❤️❤️❤️

(🦭mod Zeph)

[snellyfish]

Why is Angie your favourite character?

This is really funny I just got off call with Glownary and was talking about how much I don't miss Danganronpa discourse. Anyway I hope someone finds a way to get mad at me in this post!

((Admittedly I'd probably actually place Korekiyo above her because he ACTUALLY has a relevant and specified canon story,,, but, y'kno))

Plain and simple, she just has a handful of design and character tropes I super adore in characters! As a base, I'm usually not super into,,, well-adjusted, well-liked , reasonable, and rational characters. LMAO. They're fine but I live for exaggeration. I LOVE when they're little freaks and not watered down at all for the viewers sake/comfort, I love when they (both the writers and the written) just keep twisting the knife for no good reason other than the bit despite how unconventional it may be.

One could argue that her not being watered down and being as shitty to the other players as she is is a trauma response, or just a mentally ill person being mentally ill. It can be neat to think of her that way sometimes! It's of my opinion that almost all Danganronpa characters are super open-ended lore/personality-wise and we as fans are just making up canon as we go because it's FUCKING FUN, and, as such, all the ways that Angie can be interpreted is very interesting to me-- EVEN if that's seen as "the irredeemable annoying religion-force-feeding zealot antagonist." Which is, of course, an objectively awful way to view anyone REGARDLESS of media illiteracy, but, you know! I like weird freaks so this "flaw" they see is simply more food for me. Yippee!!

Whether I think she's canonically A) genuinely malicious and sadistic, B) traumatized from an abusive religious sect, C) honestly caring about the other players, and/or D) none/all of the above? I'll never tell! Oops all bangers!

Tropes I enjoy, whether or not I found myself enjoying them BECAUSE of Angie herself;;

Religion, especially if it's horrifying and...bad! (Most of my own characters deal heavily with religion and religious trauma, I think it's cool to play with, whether or not it's a fantasy religion like I think Angie's is)

CULTS! Cult behavior! Let's live in a commune!! (GUYS I LOVE MIDSOMMAR)

Dark skin / light hair contrast color combo goes hard!!!

+ The pansexual flag palette is literally my favorite color combo ever!!!!

Manipulative little shits!!!!!

Small scary women!!!!!!

Islander stuff, it's very nostalgic to me and I just have a deep love and appreciation for the beach and ocean!!!!!!!

Piercings!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cutesy sunshine character who could and would stab you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IDK HOW THIS WASN'T MY FIRST POINT!!!!!!!!!!

AND SHE'S JUST FUCKING SILLY!!!!!!!! SHE'S GENUINELY SO FUNNY AND CUTE ESPECIALLY IN HER INTERACTIONS WITH SHUICHI!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She was an IMMEDIATE favorite when I played V3 and when I found out that, like, everyone fucking HATED her and she's probably the least liked character in the entire class by the fans, my brain immediately went the contrarian route to find reasons to like her even MORE. I tend to do this a lot, but when it's a character I already enjoy, it's even worse, dude.

ummmmm obligatory Shinnaga mention sorry but I frequently tend to appreciate a character a lot more based on potential dynamics alone. Ships, romantic or not, have legitimately gotten me to enjoy characters I hated before, based on interesting interactions unique to them alone. So while Kiyo and Angie's (they're making out btw) ingame dynamic and dialogues aren't REALLY what my sick and twisted mind views them as, it's worth noting that my honest belief and interpretation of the two of them could even give me a sliver of that dynamic being possible .......... means she's fuckin slay ............ it means love wins..... It means Vote For Yonaga 2024

[zephirite]

'Complicated' doesn't equal 'Queer'

The analysis of Mizu's gender and identity are wonderful to read. I am a massive fan of queer readings that complicate and enhance the present narrative, and feel like a natural extension of the character.

However. It is a bit saddening that people see a fraught relationship with gender and immediately label it as fraught because it's queer, instead of allowing their idea of womanhood to expand to include fraught relationships with gender expression. It's as if...the demographics Mizu's confirmed to belong to (being a woman and being bi-racial) aren't 'enough', so people have to put her in another demographic (being trans) in order to care about/understand her. It feels like it erases the specificity of her story as being ABOUT womanhood, because they cannot fathom womanhood being this full with pain and confusion without signifying queerness. For a relationship (between people, or between a person and themself) to be queer, one would say it must fall outside of the norms enforced by society. But in reality, EVERYONE is outside the norm in various ways. There is no person who's a paragon of society, strutting about confidently. It's why the 'all white men have it easy' argument fails; if it's not gender or race complicating your life, it's religion, ability, mental illness, wealth, language, or a million other things. In reality, everyone has a complicated relationship with all facets of their identity. People are forced into roles now as much as during the Edo period, just in different ways. So anyone expressing difficulty within their roles does not immediately equate to them being queer. Is Akimi queer because she wants to control her life? By modern standards, we'd say "No", because modern conceptions of womanhood include independence. But during the Edo period, womanhood equaled ownership. Seki tells this to Amiki, and she flees, determined to prove him wrong. By their standards, her attempting independence is inherently non-womanly. Another cultural/historical difference is the characters in this show don't have the luxury of their presentation being self-expression. To claim that Mizu wears pants, a hat, and cloak because she IS a man ignores that being revealed as a woman will get her kicked out of cities, killed, assaulted, or ignored. She is not living in a neutral environment and choosing to dress 'masc'; she's trying to survive. She wants to be seen as a man so she can be let into the city, and not freeze--which we see happen to a woman and her child, whom the guard refused to let in without her dead husband. If Mizu didn't have to fight and lived with people who all knew she was female--and she still dressed in men's apparel--that would signify her comfort in far queerer ways than pure survival. (Notice she wore a kimono around Mikio for years without seeming any less comfortable in it than her 'male' clothing. She dresses for her role, not personal expression.) Other characters allowed to fret over their appearance without the fans questioning their gender.

Akimi is haunted by having to blacken her teeth, since it signifies how she'll have to modify her body to appeal to the husband she doesn't want. And Taigen is distraught over Mizu slicing his topknot--not for the bald spot, as Akimi teases--but because even cutting hair was seen as defiling the body your family gave you. Additionally, it was done without his consent--therefore ruining his honor as a warrior, which was how Akimi's father justified ending their engagement. Both these reasons could lend themselves to queer narratives, but because Aikmi and Taigen dress consistently in their gendered clothing, the fans let them maintain their cultural significance and don't question their genders. Whereas Mizu looking at her boobs supposedly signifies dysphoria--and therefore being trans--as opposed to the growth of something that could get her discovered, and ruin her life. Bit inconsistent, no? I can see where people relate to the androgyny/trans/nonbinary reading of Mizu--but that should be an expansion of themes, not an exclusion. Let womanhood stay part of that analysis. Please.

I've been longing for a show to critically dissect womanhood in a historical and cultural context, and was so excited to see if other people felt as seen as I did. So watching some Queer headcanons ignore the established cultural, character-specific, and plot of the story...kinda stings. It's similar to the Encanto fiasco, where fans were quick to prioritize their assumption of a character's gender/sexuality/neurodivergence over their established motives. Like Isabella not wanting to marry a man because she was a lesbian, instead of her feeling pressured to do it because it was what her family expected of someone as 'perfect' and 'pretty' as her. Being a lesbian could've enhanced that, but claiming that was the ONLY reason rubbed people the wrong way. Particularly, people who were excited to see cultural norms and familial expectations mold the characters. Now, headcanons harm no one. Characters are not fragile; they can be stretched to fit many interpretations. But when entering a fandom, we do not leave our biased baggage at the door. And it might be nice to question why we feel the need to take a situation we may not understand and reshape it to fit our modern lens, instead of growing our understanding. It's cute to imagine the characters in a less-fraught world, but...are we losing the very essence of the characters when we do?

[ladymoonstardust]

Hi! Its me and I know a bit too much of the Holocaust so now I will explain the meaning of his uniform.

So as we can see he has 3 coloured stars on himself. In the d3eath camps, prisoners were classified into groups as to why they were targeted, such as race,sexuality, disability,political views, religion, being an immigrant eyc. Firstly, there were those marked with single triangles, the colours of it indicated their ‘sin’ these went by this system:

Red-for political enemies, Green for convicts (should be remembered that these two had the biggest chance of survival and mostly ‘only’ were sent here as work camps)

Blue for immigrants (which is why Cliff was so insistent of them fleeing with Sally in Cabaret)

Purple for Jehova’s witnesses or other religious groups (or as I call them cults)

Pink triangle: homosexual men or pedophiles (they were very frequently sterilised)

and black for every other target these were: roma and sinti, they had a little z on their triangle formerly but later on romas had ‘earned’ themselves a private colour, brown

Mentally ill and disabled people whos badges had the word ‘blöd’ meaning stupid sewn into it and also got sterilised (or killed)

alcoholics, drug addicts, beggars, lesbians, pacifist, sex workers and other types of ill people (like diabetes, as the german used to consider it a jew condition)

And the uninverted red triangle which marked those who deserted military or were spies

Then there was the obvious Yellow star, the star of David which separated the jews of the camp, on these stars could be placed any of the triangles, giving you a double triangle meaning that you were a jew AND gay,disabled, political enemy etc

Sooo by this we can come to the conclusion that Emcee’s outfit is not entirely historically accurate but their meanings would be that he was jewish (yellow star) probably a political criminal or a war deserer because of the red star and depending whether that triangle is purple or pink, which I genuinely can’t tell, a homosexual or jehova’s wittness but I don’t think you can be jehova’s witrness and a jew? Idk Im an atheist.

So yeah, Emcee without a doubt was dead almost as soon as he arrived there and probably, if he lived long enough sterilised. So there are your random history facts

(for full disclosure I may know a lot about this aspect of history but -despite what my mother thinks- i am not a n@z1, that is very far from the reason I know these facts)

[sweetestpopcorn]

Hi 🍿! I just realized how religious the post-dance targ family is. Like I know Maegelle joined the faith but it seems like she was the only one so into it. At least she was the only one in her generation. But the post-dance targ family had three! (Not to mention Bealor who is a little bit 🤨) Do you think this has to do with the greens? I mean like their line died out but their whole mindset went on and influenced the Targaryens. Or are there any other factors you think lead to this situation?

Hi there and sorry for this huge delay :)

Why are you even considering the Greens when neither Baela, Rhaena, Aegon III, or Viserys II were influenced by them or spent any time with them except Baela and Aegon III when they were captive? Yes, they influenced politics in Westeros... to the extent that they solidified something that was already a practice of House Targaryen and an established custom that was only interrupted by King Viserys.

Nonetheless, please let's not pretend that any of the Greens was the thing that turned House Targaryen religious or introduced the Seven to the Targaryens because that is a blatant lie if I ever saw one.

Cases in point:

Rhaenyra is shown to value the faith of the Seven. She makes Jace and Luke swear on the Seven-Pointed Star. Aegon II - a green - shows no such behaviour so you could make an argument that she was more religious than him. She also seemed to have a particular notion regarding marriage, and vows taken.

Rhaena (Daemon's daughter) was said to pray for her second dragon egg day and night hoping it would hatch.

Jaehaerys understood the importance of religion even making a septon his Hand. Furthermore, he was quite conservative and did not take it at all kindly to know his daughter Saera had lovers prior to being married referring to her as a wh0re.

Alysanne is also shown to be quite religious, wanting to bathe in the sacred waters of Jonquil's Pool, and saying that the Mother loved her children more than she did -> using it as explanation of why so many of her children had died.

Septon Eustace had once been Queen Aemma's confessor.

Both Maegelle and Rhaella (or Aerea depending on what you believe) became septas.

The Targaryens followed the Faith of the Seven post Conquest, and even before the Conquest there was a sept in Dragonstone.

I make no secret that I am not a person who cares about religion, I don't and am mainly against it. I can however, from an objective viewpoint understand why people at times cling to it, and it has much to do with hardship, with pain, and with a desire that the unfixable can be fixed. With faith.

The children of Aegon III and Viserys II were born in a time of great vulnerability of House Targaryen, to parents who had experienced war, significant loss, and deep trauma. Many of the siblings were said to cling to each other - e.g., Aemon and Naerys, Daena and Elaena; examining their lives it is quite clear to see why they sought after comfort in religion. Just consider Naerys, she was born sickly, her mother left when she was a baby, she was raised by a father more concerned with ruling a kingdom than caring for her, learned about the downfall of their House and their dragons, was forced to marry a brother who abus€d until she died and had many miscarriages... what else but her Faith and her love of her brother Aemon and her son would keep her going?

There is also a possibility that perhaps there was some hope or faith that the gods could intervene and help to bring their dragons back. Let's remember how Rhaena (Daemon's daughter) prayed that her egg would hatch as I mentioned above.

But we do see an example of clinging to something else, in Daeron, for instance, who thought that it was through conquest and military prowess that they would regain their power.

Baelor was a... special case I would say, and without a doubt he had some severe mental illness.

In any case in the AU where we get Fire&Blood 2 I am sure many of these issues will be further explored. And impossible as it may seem, it is still more likely to happen than redacted being good or giving justice to anything we saw in Fire and Blood.

Here's to hoping and to stop giving the Greens importance they don't have in 2024.

All the best!

[catchingbigfish]

writeblr re-introduction | catchingbigfish

hi! call me elle (she/they). i'm in my 30s, work adjacent to the legal field in my day job, and i'm studying for my MA in english! i post more about my life over at my main, @prettytothink-so, which is also the account i follow from!

i'm a david lynch obsessive, hence the url/pfp, but i love death bed: the bed that eats as much as i do blue velvet. my primary literary influences are shirley jackson, carmen maria machado, janet fitch, confessional poets, and more recently, a healthy dose of knausgaard.

i write prose & poetry with a heavy emphasis on the body, the darker sides of life, and relationships. my fiction is character-centric, driven by ensemble casts of weird and fucked up people, and characters tend to go through exquisite and grotesque things like body horror, warped and broken time, hauntings, posessions, and sex. my work is definitely 18+ and i try not to engage with minors.

i'd love to get to know other writers, esp if you write/read any of the following:

dysfunctional relationships (particularly with ensemble casts and found or of-origin families)

horror and gothic literature

body horror, nightmares, and dream logic

romance, including sex, and relationships, esp. in horror themes

i like to say i'm always open to ask + tag games, but i'm most likely to respond to an ask game than a tag! if you wanna know more about my wips, see below the cut:

click the titles for the wip intros!

conversion

status: w/ beta readers short synopsis: Rosalyn arrives to the U for her MFA in fashion-making and falls into a group of sick women artists bonded by a disputed diagnosis. She starts faking it to fit in, finds the friendships she'd always wanted, and ends up with a choice between the unthinkable and her new ride-or-die crew.

dark academia/litfic/cult novel. this project has had me in a chokehold for 18+ months and it's the most fun i've ever had writing something. stay tuned for my query journey, coming to you probably near the end of this year!

might've been, never was

status: drafting (~10%) short synopsis: Lily and her friends thought their thirties would be different. They find a way to adopt new bodies, but one of them takes it too far, and the rest have to decide whether to stop her or join in.

a satire in the same vein as conversion. currently vying with the next two WIPs for main focus while betas work through conversion. project playlist is 2 songs: teen idle and celebrity skin. the closest i'll ever come to autofiction because the idea to write "a love letter to being mentally ill in your 30s" came up when i was a teensy bit manic.

seed of the woman

status: drafting (~40%) short synopsis: A woman goes on a Christian yoga retreat hoping to return to some sense of her self. Instead, she's bitten by a snake and goes on a tour through the choices that led her here.

body horror/religious horror novella. probably actually my primary focus. nightmare/dream-logic story that's my latest attempt to write something explaining how rational and reasonable a choice it would be for a woman to choose satan over god.

the awakening re-telling

status: outlining short synopsis: The Awakening by Kate Chopin, but set it in the modern Quiverfull movement/fundamentalist Christianity circles.

i've called this the awakening x duggars but it's not really about them; i'm just obsessed with the religious theme lately

so it goes

status: hiatus, midway through second draft short synopsis: A multigenerational saga about women who see Death.

my trunk novel/magnum opus. will probably never finish. about sex, death, what we fill the void with when we let go of religion, the violence of inherited trauma, and the bridge between two states of being

[theinfernalsanctuary]

Greetings, Sister!

I have a question or two for you, if you're able to answer. :)

I'm going to be honest, I've been STRESSING the fuck out about how to write this so I'm going to try and keep it as short and blunt as possible.

I'm young (18) and I have Bipolar, OCD, Social Anxiety Disorder as well as Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I was also raised Catholic and have religious trauma regarding my thoughts and actions being constantly surveilled and judged, which has left me very hyper-aware of my thoughts.

These mental health challenges, especially Bipolar, have made my relationship to religion very conflicting and confusing. I have periods of extreme, unwavering belief in Lord Satan and then I will then constantly doubt His existence as well as my own loyalty, which is very distressing and exhausting.

Reverend Cain was my first substantial step into Theistic Satanism when I was 14. I've read The Infernal Gospel front to back and I've read some of The Satanic Philosopher and The Goetia Devils before I had to delete them out of fear of being caught reading Satanic literature.

I do very much respect and admire Reverend Cain, but the emphasis of complete and utter loyalty irks me a bit. He might have not meant it to be conveyed this way and it's just my religious anxieties, but the "You must be completely loyal and devoted to Hell or else I will smite you and everything you hold dear will be destroyed," really scares me.

Deep down I do believe in Satan and I do recognize him as my Father, but I'm so deeply frightened that I'm not "loyal" enough and that I will be seen as insincere by the Denizens of Hell because of my unstable mood swings and Reverend Cain has commented on how the Denizens feel about insincere followers(?).

What are your thoughts? I understand that I'm young, I definitely haven't had any proper interactions with demons and that my anxiety overtakes me at times, but this is a topic that is important and personal to me and I'm afraid to upset the Infernal Kingdom and especially Lord Satan Himself. :(

Thank you so much for your time, even if you just read and choose not to answer. <3

Signed, a young Satanist who has no idea what the fuck they're doing.

I'm sorry that that was your experience with Reverend Cain's works, I personally didn't have that experience and I hope that youll take another shot at it later. That being said, I think that now would be a good time to take a step back and continue deconstructing your pre-existing religious beliefs. If you're still afraid of Lord Satan and Hell as a whole, now is not the time to truly begin your journey, you cannot be afraid of the guy that's trying to help you if you're going to get far. That being said, something tells me that this isn't so much being afraid of Satan or upsetting him as much as it is being afraid of dissapointing him. (Hello, Catholicism!)

You mentioned being afraid of smiting or being labeled as insincere, but the concern that you show, in my opinion confirms your sincerity. When we talk about sincerity in your beliefs, it's more about intentions than the beliefs itself. Why did you turn to Satanism? Was it out of spite or the selfish need to be the eternal contrarian, or was it because there was something that called to you that felt safe or was even just interesting? People focus so much on prayer and rituals in worship when the learning is worship in of itself, even if it is the most passive form.

Many of the things that I post are more geared towards people who have moved past their initial deconstruction and because of that it has a very heavy focus on the spiritual aspects of worship over the practical, but that learning and deconstructing phase is incredibly important and incredibly difficult. Your faith will constantly ebb and flow, that's human nature as much as people don't want to admit it, especially when mental illness come into play. It's so important to not beat yourself up about it even if that means that you have to step away for a bit.

And finally, even if you decide that this isn't for you, nothing is going to happen to you because of it. I promise.

[discord-emote-customs]

Pinned Post/Info!

Welcome to my emoji drawing side blog! Here you can request for me to draw any discord emotes you'd like. Everything is free to use for its original purpose, if used for other purposes please credit this blog!!

Will not draw: NSFW, slurs (reclaimed or not), heavy gore, non-emoji people, discriminatory emojis, backgrounds to emojis (does not apply if it is the emoji itself), asl/hand emojis, and animations.

Will draw: Basically everything else, but this can change! This includes wordmojis, emoji people, animals, pride stuff, and anything disorder/neurodivergent/mental illness/medical condition related. Will draw religion/belief related emojis.

Everything will be tagged accordingly, so if you see something you don't like, don't complain! Simply block the tag!

I can and will refuse anything I don't want to do, so please don't take it personally.

Main blog: @arunningjoke

About me: You can call me Zen/Chara/Knife/Vela/Zaniah/Mira/Fulu and my pronouns are she/they/it/he with any neos (no emojipronouns!)

DNI: NSFW/kink/paraphillia/fetish blogs, no LGBTQ+phobia, ableism (of EVERY kind!!!), and those with gacha/Noelle Holiday (Deltarune) profiles (just request with anon, gacha is a trigger for me and Noelle makes me extremely EXTREMELY uncomfortable T^T")

The emoji archive carrd

Other stuff to know:

If you send me anything to base an emoji/emojis on and dont give a creator + don't have proof of permission, I'll either ask for creator/proof of permission via private answer, or if you're on anon, I'll just delete your request.

If you want to edit/recolor my emojis and put them anywhere but discord, link the post the original emojis you are using are in. When using for Discord, put EDITED or NOTMINE in the name. If someone asks who made it, link the post the original emojis you are using are in. Never never NEVER edit my emojis for hate speech or harassment or anything in my DNI. It's absolutely unacceptable behavior no matter what/who you are using them for/towards.

If you want to send in a lot of requests at once, please wait. At least one or two days between each request. On the other hand, you can put a bunch of stuff in one request. If it gets to be too much for me I'll post a bit and then reblog later with more/the rest so that people get their turn.

Requests are currently closed!

What I'm currently working on:

More samoyeds

Happy goldfish & taiyaki

Little holding highland cow plush

Little holding fox plush

Little cuddling mary meyers marshmallow stegosaurus plush

Little holding personal plush frustrated/overwhelmed/happy

Event stuff:

Frodo Baggins & Hobbit stims (ears, kicking feet) (Lord of the Rings)

Cupid (Kaitou Joker), Yatterchat

Marcy Wu (waving & hand flap stim) (Amphibia)

Martin & Jon (Magnus Archives)

Young Greg (basic emotions) (Steven Universe), Don Lothario (Sims 2)

Kangel (Needy Streamer Overload)

Zim (Invader Zim)

Sherlock Holmes (autism smile (???), "what's wrong with them"), Draco Malfoy (sipping coffee/tea in muggle cup), Agata Katsuhira ( "numb right now") (Kiznaiver) Noriko Sonozaki ("too much pain") (Kiznaiver), Lucifer Morningstar ("I'm better than you") (Lucifer Show)

Sprinkle & Blue (stims & wags) (Blues Clues)

Xion (hand flapping) (Kingdom Hearts)

Solar drinking out of a cup with a comically large silly straw (will make extra silly for friend)

The Shroud Siblings & Ortho Shroud (Twisted Wonderland)

[inkbagel]

Can’t sleep so choosing to ramble about addict with a pen instead :P going to talk about my religion a bit

ADDICT WITH A PEN IS SO GOOD. It’s one of the more relatable songs for me as a Christian. To me it’s always been about falling out of your faith bc of your mental health which OUGH SHOT IN THE HEART MAN

The water is representing Christ to me and how when you’re in that state you’re both clinging desperately onto your beliefs and also searching for any sign of your old faith but seeing none. And the sand is like your mental issues, which are slowing you down from searching.

Hello, we haven’t talked in quite some time, I know I haven’t been the best of sons, hello, I’ve been traveling in the desert of my mind, and I haven’t found a drop of life.

THIS PART ESPECIALLY. Like if this is about struggling with being a Christian while fighting your mental health I can relate to this so hard. Not practicing any of your beliefs bc of your mental state. And feeling guilty about it. “We haven’t talked in quite some time I know I haven’t been the best of sons”…..

I haven’t found a drop of you. I haven’t found a drop of water.

This is the same as before in that like. Searching your brain for any motivation to get up and pray or study the bible or anything. But you can’t find it. I’m.

I try desperately to run through the sand as I hold the water in the palm of my hand, ‘cause it’s all that I have and it’s all that I need and the waves of the water mean nothing to me.

This is to me like trying so hard to hold on to what’s left of your beliefs but you’re still declining and having a hard time with it.

But I try my best and all that I can to hold tightly on to what’s left in my hand, but no matter how, how tightly I will strain, the sand will slow me down and the water will drain.

Again it’s like you’re trying SO HARD to stay faithful but every day you’re doing less and less to practice your religions. Your mental health is stopping you. The sands slowing you down.

My trial was filed as a crazy suicidal head case. But you specialize in dying, you hear me screaming "father" and I'm lying here just crying, so wash me with your water.

THIS LINE. THIS FUCKING LINE. Istg this is a song about religion. I’m like 90% certain this is a bible verse.

But “you hear me screaming ‘father’ is like asking god for help when you’re not doing well. And “I’m lying here just crying” is again. Like asking him for help when you can’t help yourself. It’s so sweet. I’m so mentally ill.

The whole song is just. Like I can’t stop thinking about it. You want to keep what little water you have left with you but the desert is hot and dry and you have nothing to hold it with but your hands. There’s no other water for miles. You’re in a desert. The sands slowing you down and keeping you from searching for more water. There’s no more water left.

This band has genuinely warped my perspective on being a Christian and I really don’t think I’d still be religious if it weren’t for their music. Tyler Joseph is an amazing poet and many of his songs are just like. Such a better idea of how to be religious than I learned. This band means so much to me for so many reasons. This is one of them.

[metanoiamorii]

Looking for Roleplay Partners

I'm Morri, or Mario. I'm twenty-three [23] and I've been roleplaying on and off for as long as I can remember. It's gone hand-in-hand with writing. It's around time I try to start to meet new roleplay partners and expand my network again. I was previously on Wattpad before it met its timely end for most of us. I moved to discord but it went quiet and I have only been in a small circle since. What to expect and know from me? I am honestly bad at replying steadily, but I am ALWAYS talking about the roleplays and making ideas and headcanons with my partner(s). I will reply with lengthy messages for a week, then struggle to form a basic response for a few weeks, then the cycle continues. But I am always dedicated to the roleplay(s) I am in, even if I struggle to show it. I'm also extremely literate. I will give you novella-length responses. I can't do small responses even if I tried, to ask any of my roleplay partners. But I don't expect anyone to match my length! I just ask to not be given one or two sentences to work off of. I LOVE knowing what is going on inside a character's head, or how they're feeling. It really helps to build everything up. I also do third-person only.

And I also ask for 18+ only, please. I feel awkward talking to minors unless it's to basically mentor them.

I also love tropes. Tropes are great. Especially if you break away and add twists to them, and get creative!

I play a vast array of characters. Almost all ocs. The only ones that aren't ocs are based on gods or divine beings. Either way, all my characters are queer, that explore different mental illnesses and backgrounds. I could not play a character that's cishet to save my life(no hate for anyone, it's just something I have struggled with). That's not to say I don't do m/w relationships, because I do. My characters are just not cishet (they're either bi/ace/pan/demi/enby/etc).

I also enjoy mature themes. But I ALWAYS discuss boundaries with my roleplay partners. The dos, the don'ts, the boundaries, the triggers, the likes. A lot of my focus is on fantasy, for the most part. Dark, romantic, historical, epic, horror, you name it. I overall enjoy just about anything? EXCEPT, I stay in my comfort zone. Which is one of the two universes I've world built into existence.

The first is entirely fantasy, with different realms/worlds to explore. A vast array of plotlines to explore. Crime/mafia, piracy, eldritch horrors, kingdom diplomacy, witches. You name it, I have it. Probably too much. I've been told it's overwhelming when I gain a new roleplaying partner.

The other is one I've just recently started to build. It's a bit like POJ and Everafter High met. A bit of fantasy, a bit of history, a bit of religion. Every character is either a demigod, a god, a divine being, a fae, a human, or another being...

It's going on late for me after being awake for seventeen hours, so I'm not doing a lot of justice for my stuff. But I really want more roleplaying partners and friends! I have cute little servers for both universes, building into small communities. And I also have adjacent servers for the novels I'm writing that deal with the plotlines and whatnot.

I don't know what else to say at the moment except please, please, please I am begging you to message me. We can talk here in dms and I'll send you, or you can send me your discord tag so we can move over there and start to plot! I should probably get to bed now. Thank you for reading this far.

[cath-lic]

hello!!!! first of all, i love your blog and i love how you embrace your sexuality and love god :3 what would you recommend for someone who was hurt by religion? (particularly catholicism). it made me paranoid, scrupulous. as a neurodivergent woman with disability, i always felt that i don’t fit, so i’m no longer religious. is it okay to not like THE church (as an institution) but still love God? and do you have any other social media so we could speak more on it? ♥️

hello my sibling!! thank you very much for the sweet compliment.

to be honest, (and assuming you’re also american, though pardon me if i’m wrong), i think we’re all scarred from american christianity. i’m not trying to minimize your trauma; rather, i’m letting you know that i can empathize with you a little bit.

this might need its own post, but i’m seeing scrupulosity becoming more and more of a problem in the current online age, on both sides of the political spectrum. i think you’d be surprised at how many people feel very similar to you, even if they’re not religious, either. tumblr culture, especially, emphasizes scrupulosity (and to be honest, i think all social media does—i’ve been thinking about doing a social media cleanse recently because of this very thing).

you may feel as though you don’t fit in, but i’d like to remind you that mary magdalene, one of christ’s closest disciples, also faced her own problems with mental illness. scripture states that she was possessed by demons, and although of course we can’t be sure whether it was actual possession or mental illness, i think it’s safe to say that she would absolutely know where you’re coming from. (i say this not to go “you can conquer your mental illness if you believe enough,” but instead to assure you that our beloved blorbos from the bible would understand our struggles even today).

there are many disabled people in the bible. though, of course, they are very often the subjects of miracle healing, it is telling that jesus emphasizes that their disability is not a mark of sin or a matter of “deserving it,” it’s simply a facet of them.

there are countless stories i could cite, but i think it boils down to this: jesus is with the poor, the disabled, the meek, the unclean, and the ostracized at all times. jesus was poor and ostracized. he is not with one singular nation or ideology. if he sees someone being mistreated, regardless of who they are or what they’ve done, he is with them.

i promise you, you fit.

as for whether it’s okay to not like the church, and for what i might recommend—again, i can’t offer religious advice, but i can offer my opinion.

i think it’s fine to dislike the church. to be honest, they haven’t given us a whole lot of reasons to like them! god was here before the church and he’ll be here after the church. some might say that loving god is loving the church, which is a whole other discussion, but in short, god understands. IMO, it is more important to love yourself, your neighbor, and love through and with god, than to devote yourself to an institution. after all, contemporarily, the big institutions of the time weren’t exactly super hep on christianity.

part of strengthening my relationship with god was through finding a church i really enjoyed. this, of course, might not be desirable or available to you. i would say that finding a community who can accept both your sexuality & your faith (easier said than done) is the truest way you can establish your own version of church.

building and supporting a loving community is probably the most rewarding thing i can think of, regardless of someone’s faith/lack thereof. i’ve often dreamed of establishing a little trans christian commune, actually, although i know it’s just a fantasy. but i think creating a network of people who care for one another and can live and work in harmony is about the closest we can get to heaven on earth!

while i do have other social media, i don’t have any other faith-related accounts. you’re very welcome to make a side blog and message me here, or join the trans catholics discord. if these aren’t options for you, though, i understand—you’re ofc welcome to send me another ask whenever you’d like.

good night, my sibling. have a wonderful weekend, and god bless ❤️❤️❤️

[eldritch-spouse]

Me and Belo would get along so well (we both experience religious guilt). Really though, I wonder how that relationship would go, especially since he is “mentally ill holier than thou” as you put it haha. I guess I could try make him feel normal about things such as lust—he has genitals, it’s natural to feel arousal.

Okk, but I do want to ask something Siadar related, specifically worshiping/ religion. Did they have any customs or ideas that people followed. I’m guessing religious guilt could also be possible if someone doesn’t feel like their doing good enough. <- you can ignore this part of the ask just asking

The types of "guilt" you both have feature different origins and likely manifest differently. If anything, before coming to empathize with your sentiment, he may invalidate it by claiming that your religion is a fairytale invented by other lessers.

Of course siadar had customs and ideas that people followed-

Siadar made humans. You exist because of them, so much of their culture still persists in the modern world. Bits and pieces scattered all over, beliefs you've likely never questioned! You associate white with purity because of them, every religion made by humans has interwoven within it fragments of truth, you use siadar symbolism when working against demons- It's absolutely everywhere.

Even though these entities have long since moved on from Earth, the planet and its abandoned creations will never move on. Will never truly forget.

[the-catboy-minyan]

i'm trying to comprehend your points about the terf-focused jkr discussion instead of holocaust denial focus, you are getting at something here i want to really understand from your perspective. i think people often come at these events through the lens of their own experience - for me i would fall under the mentally ill group that nazis identified as unworthy of existence but i don't see the holocaust at large as a primarily mental health community focused event, it was obviously an ethnic cleansing. i never put myself into the place of people targeted for ethnicity, religion, etc. by the nazis. i guess i'm asking - are you asking people to remember the totality of the holocaust and its staggering impact on Jewish people, not just take a detail and magnify it to focus on groups that have gained visibility in recent decades? if i misunderstand pls let me know! i want to understand these topics better, but if you don't want to explicate it that's all good too!

hi anon, thanks for the ask. sorry that my post wasn't clear, my thought process is a bit weird at times and i sometimes accidentally try to make multiple points at once, or forget my point halfway.

my problem wasn't that people are focusing on queer aspects of the holocaust too much, I'm queer myself. my problem was that people (in general) looked at JKR's behaviour and acted like:

of course she would stoop this low to engage in holocaust denial, she's a terf! only "evil" people can do such a vile thing as holocaust denial.

saying Nazis didn't burn books about gender affirming care is the worst act of holocaust denial you can engage in ever!!!

it being holocaust denial is a major part of why it's horrible.

now for why I think that:

pretending like only objectively horrible people like JKR are the only people who engage in holocaust denial is ignoring the rise of holocaust denialism we've seen from both the right and the left in recent months. there are people who have actively denied parts of the holocaust "calling out" jkr on it, while also insisting they're not denying parts of the holocaust because "they're right and the history books are wrong actually".

people are tweeting "hitler was right" or "hitler should have finished the job" every fucking day, recently AI translated videos on one of his speeches got circulated on social media positively. people are denying the death count is really 6 million Jews, or that the holocaust happened at all. JKR is denying specific books were burned, not that book burnings never happened or that they "weren't that bad", it's disgusting but it's nowhere near as bad as people make it out to be.

she's not denying those book burnings because she thinks there's no way Nazis would have stooped this low or whatever, she's denying them because she can't fathom trans people existing in history (the horror!). is it holocaust denial? well it's an important event that happened as part of the holocaust and she's denying it, so technically yes, but she's denying it because she's transphobic, not because she's actually denying a holocaust event. like, the reason people are mad isn't because they were burned during the holocaust and she saying they weren't, it's because it was books about trans research and she's saying they never existed.

I hope this makes more sense, thanks again for the ask, I highly respect people going out of their way to listen to other people's perspectives (this is something I also try to do myself). please feel free to engage with and discuss this post and my take, this is my personal opinion, not an objective fact, and others may see this differently.