#but recently its been like 7+
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When i, the head archivist of the magnus institute (a nosy gay bitch) dont read any new statements (fanfiction) and fall into statement hunger (the need to read fanfiction) because statements feed me (fanfiction fuels my addiction)
#tma#tma podcast#the magnus archives#head archivist of the magnus institute london#the eye#fanfiction#fanfic#i may have a slight addiction to fanfiction#i need 5+ hours a day atleast#but recently its been like 7+#and when im not reading im thinkjng about reading#like an addict waiting for a fix#anyway#the beholding#ao3#jonathan sims
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hi heres art so you pay attention to me now go read the tags
#ive been rewatching episode 7 like its the only thing on youtube and made note of many things#first off. the solver can only have one host. nori mentions skyn wants to kill off all the other solver hosts (with the dds) and disregards#the idea of both uzi and doll being its current host when they get chased#plus the main solver possessions only occur when skyn is out of the picture (the fightt in ep 7 is only after n decapitates “tessa”)#solver uzi is possible too but i dont count her cause she doesn't have the yellow#personal theory is that its more an instinctual response to overheating or something and not full on possession#second off nori calls the solver cyn. how does she know that name#cyn was on earth and only showed up to copper 9 recently and i presume nori's been here her whole life#it probably wasn't the other dds cause none of them made it down and they're all more savage beasts#since cyn specifies n's team retained their personalities and that makes me think the other teams didnt#also also we should've immediately questioned tessa arriving in the same type of pod as the mds when they were revealed to not be sent by j#im running out of characters also the people who dont like when i use tags like this can bite me#murder drones#murder drones nori#artori? that sounds cool#ill probably just stick with nori though#i have so many solver heart refs now#art#episode 7#murder drones episode 7#murder drones episode 7 spoilers#using the same black for shadows as my lineart doesn't work when i have to draw thin things over it#murder drones spoilers
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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(can't find any indication if the ask was open or not so i'm sorry if it isn't!) Thank you for doing a service. Please I would just like to give this man a smooch and tell him he does a good job
(Absolutely in love with how you draw Proton and Steven 😭🩷)
Thank you so much!!! I always keep Proton's box open, but you can probably see my activity has been poor since between my career and working on my master's degree, I haven't had much time or energy to put into the blogs. But sometimes I get the urge to draw the Worst Guy Ever, so Proton will always accept questions!
#executive proton#i miss him a lot yknow ):#just with everything the time and energy i do get for art ive been dumping into oc stuff and nobody wants to see that so i dont post#its a horrible feedback loop but i really try on my main blog!#also i need to clear out proton's inbox theres some VERY old asks that im not going to answer at this point#id like a clean slate for the new year#this blog is going to be like 7 years old in july bruh#sorry for the rambling lmao its just what ive been doing recently
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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1985houndsoflove -> apple-mp3 <3
#mandatory url + theme change post + a little!!!! about me!!! bc ive missed being on here like truly being on here grieving is so so over#it is!!! summer!! we are back & alive!!!!! ive been on vacation recently i went to like three different places in three days it was so funny#went to! an aqua park and got on soo many rides i never?? believed i could like if you know me okay i have suuuch an intense insane fear of#heights i get scared#....going up the stairs... and i actually feel sick in balconies like its bad but ig the adrenaline rush was soso high bc how was i getting#on high ass freefall tubes??? uhm anyway also got on a submarine it was nice!!! IT'S SUMMER IT'S A FIONA APPLE FUCKING SUMMER GUYS!!!!!#when the pawn hits the conflict poem on fucking repeat 24/7 <33333
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so does this mean i could get the kids arent alright.
#i know they've played it recently but. but. but. but . but. please.#please. its been like 7 years. please. fucking please.#txt
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Going out to buy myself new Docs is the appropriate response to getting a surprise period, right?
#its been like 7 months man wtf are you doing here#though it does explain why ive been uncharacteristically Soft recently
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years ago i left tumblr because of the porn ban. whats that like now
#void.txt#why am i asking?#well you see#[fades into the shadows]#no but actually ive been sitting on a finished piece for maybe a week now with no where to post it#you can take a guess what character its about based on my recent postings lmao#and seriously i feel like i lost touch from tumblr i used to be on this site 24/7 until the ban#now im back and idk what im doing
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The only thing bringing me comfort is the fact that I'll get holiday pay next week since I work Christmas + a little bit of Christmas Eve. So there's that I guess. But man missing a full week of work still fucking suuuucks
#shut up max#doing the math its like $420 (after taxes) im losing out on. plus how its gonna affect my bonus next month#siiiiigghhh#i kinda wanna try working tonight even tho i normally have Fridays off. but i know I shouldnt cause im not 100% better yet#just like 85% better#might just go workout at the gym tonight now that our gym is 24/7#technically its been 24/7 for a few months now i just didnt know until recently. anyways#*$420 is how much im missing out on because im still gonna get like roughly $80 post tax#because i took a vacation day Sunday coincidentally before i got sick and those are paid#plus two hours this Sunday that technically count for this week in terms of the pay period even tho its the start of MY work week#tho the vacation day got paid out weird since it was for a Sunday#instead of two hours going to one week and six going to the other like it normally pays for a Sunday#it paid four hours last week and im gonna get the other four hours this upcoming paycheck. so a little weird but still
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in my hater era
#sophie speaks#tw vent#like. what. what???#i do try not to upset anyone with trauma dumping or whatever but sometimes that bites me in the ass because people assume I'm not strugglin#struggling hugely#had one of my most violent meltdowns ever recently and it was after pushing myself to do something#and you know. thats on me#but saying like#im NOT trying??#i dont want to start any problems but oh my GOD what do you think being sick constantly does to a person#what???#trying to be a proper adult here but i am quite upset#idk how are you supposed to deal with shit like this#express this has upset you and that you are having a hard time#but then they dont believe you??#trauma dump it is. hope you enjoy my psychiatrists notes#like im level 2 support needs autistic. i need a little fucking leeway or i genuinely try to kill myself#i KNOW its pathetic i KNOW its weak but my number one priority is keep myself alive#im so tired#ive been suicidal for like 7 years now#my life sucks so incredibly hard and I'm in constant pain and that just#it doesnt make me willing to deal with this shit#cripplepunk core lmao#cripple and im going to kill you#this is just geniunely upsetting#i feel like i need a good cry#i really am so tired#i feel like i just dont want to do this#why am i paying for this? why am i doing this?#if im not enjoying this why the fuck would i do it
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it makes sense of course that you would not be able to then have a down payment if he doesn't agree to it (since it's a mutual expense too) but don't you have your own money to buy stuff that you want?
Yes and no. All of my money is his money and all of his money is my money. IE we share everything, even if we have it in our 'own' accounts, it's expected that it I need something (like gas in my car) and I don't get paid for 2 days, he pays for it. Or if we need groceries and he doesn't get paid until the end of the week, I buy them. If I want to buy something not in our budget, I generally ask him for permission to do so. He usually doesn't say no unless it would be an exorbitant espense (more than $50 or so). If I want something but can only be purchased online, I ask him to purchase it for me.
This works best for us because I work part time and sometimes don't get hours at all on days I'm scheduled to come in. For example I was scheduled yesterday, but since there was only one appointment, I didn't go in. We would have a slightly different arrangement if I was working full time, but I'd still ask permission to buy things. We also are not well off by any stretch of the imagination, as the only thing that keeps us above the poverty line is his works generous bonus system. So our budgeted monthly 'fun' money that doesn't go to savings is about $30.
#he generally also asks me as well even if its just for my opinion#unless its a surprise gift for me#like he recently bought me a magic the gathering card i really wanted as an update to a deck i have#but he didnt tell me he was buying it#although we had discussed/joked about getting it i didnt think he actually would#because its just an alternate art card for a card i already have/own/use#not queued#he wouldnt do something like that on something worth a lot of money tho#the card was like 7$ and he has a TCG account so i think he got free shipping on it as well.#i also generally dont want for much#like as an example i do my own nails because i dont want them getting messed up at a salon#the only reason i get frivolous things like a massage or my lashes done is because i get it 50% off at my place of work#and its not like thats once a week#ive never been one for buying new clothes or shoes all the time and in fact have too many already so i should get rid of some#we only buy video games during christmas or summer sales#and my main form of entertainment is practically free because only one of us need a subscription for us to play d&d
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actually genuinely do not get why people still insist tim is 17 when 1) he is mentioned to have gone to college and seemingly dropped out, 2) cassie was/is in college, 3) bernard is in college. they are maybe not the same age exactly but they are the same generation. they should be at least 18
#ty to britta for checking thta convo for me. babs mentions town uni not working out for tim meaning he did go at least for a bit#also like how old is damian nowadays. if hes even 14 tim should be 21 bc theyre 7 years difference. i know dc doesn't give a shit about this#but also has tim been called 17 in recent canon bc i dont think he was? did i miss that?#please tell me if so bc i keep seeing fans insisting hes still 17 more than i do actual comics#i know its sort of a We Assume Until Its Told Explicitly thing but well that makes no sense to me if everyone else is aging. Idc#dc cant tell me shit. sorry#txt
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not gonna lie i am once again getting real sick of having a migraine every second of every day forever
#id like to crush my stupid brain with a hydraulic press into goo#goo with nerves no longer attached. painless goo.#its also very hard to be positive about things when you have a nonstop migraine for weeks and months on end#bc people will be 'oh i hope you have a good day !' which is a lovely sentiment but utterly divorced from the reality#of having a fucking migraine. 24/7.#i also recently discovered that all of my appointments have been canceled. and i dont know when or how or why#i have not yet fixed this bc i need to call each doctors office individually#and the thing is i am in so much pain. and i have no energy. or like will to live at all.#got home from gig work took a nap bc i was so hazy and in pain and woke up in much more pain right before i need to work again#which is great
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i don't wanna say too much but i've been working on a website that's essentially a social media platform except the only purpose is for finding shows. i'm still in the planning phase and this def won't go live for a few months at least but goddamn i am excited
#jam#i was already working on this a while ago#but my friend 7 posted recently 'someone needs to make a site just for sharing shows bc ig sucks for that'#and i'm like “OH FUCK I'M ON IT”#and then we talked abt it and she actually gave me some rlly good ideas#which is hilarious bc she's one of the least technically-minded ppl i know#anyways since then i've been making a whole plan to rebuild the project entirely in a way that makes so much more sense given its goal#and i rlly can't wait to actually get working on it
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what if i just lit the entire kitchen on fire
#a list of things that work:#steam pots: 0/1#grills: 2.3/4(the center doesnt heat up and one that does work's wiring caught fire recently)#ovens: 4/6#freezers: 0/1#food coolers: 1/2 (but the one that works wont keep things cold enough)#ice machine: 0/1#heat/steam vent hoods: 0/7#ventilation system: 0/1#food heaters: 2/2 (but the doors dont seal)#people that need feeding: 1400#fucking christ man we cant work like this#'itll be fixed by January'#one. no it wont. two. ok but i need it fixed NOW or its cheese sandwiches and cold cereal for every meal#shouldn't even be serving the 'KEEP FROZEN 0°F OR BELOW' when that shits been in the fridge#got mice living in the fucking doors#they get in and out of the coolers and warmers even when the doors are closed bc the rubber seal is so degraded and falling apart#wheres gordon ramsey when you need him
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