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snafu-maniac1 · 3 years

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Zuko deserved better

So I rewatched Avatar the Last Airbender recently and let me tell you......

I wanna murder several people.

Looking back on this entire series I’ve come to notice something. I watched the show just like any other audience member and only saw the good and the bad characters. One of these prime examples is Zuko. Zuko’s redemption arc has been praised as one of the greatest in history, succeeding where others have failed. But watching it all again......it wasn’t redemption. Not to me personally.

Before everyone gets angry and defensive at me, please finish reading my post and hear what I have to say. I do not wish to start any fandom wars or discredit or disrespect anyone’s opinion, this is just my personal psychological analysis of Zuko’s character....Sigh and let me give you a warning.

It’s gonna be LONG.

So if you’re not interested or don’t want to hear it or don’t feel like reading something this long that’s fine, you can go ahead and just click away and ignore this post.

Starting from book 2.

Now you may be wondering why I’m starting here and not from the start of Zuko’s childhood but I first want to address the one question everyone had been wondering since the series 2 finale. What would have happened if Zuko hadn’t sided with Azula?

My answer is.....that wouldn’t have happened.

Everyone’s been focusing on the entire arc where Zuko was struggling to accept that the war was wrong and how Iroh was trying to get through to him when he tried to capture Appa and afterwards, but here’s something everyone tends to ignore.

Why didn’t Iroh try sooner?

Why didn’t he try to stop Zuko before Aang came, before he’d gotten so deep and desperate to the point that he continuously committed heinous acts to capture the Avatar? People would justify it by saying Iroh wanted Zuko to realize the wrongs of his father and Nation by himself to shape him into his own person. But that is in no way the appropriate way to approach a physically, psychologically and mentally unstable and abused child. Zuko was a thirteen year old boy when he was burned and banished. This is where we go into his childhood. Zuko was raised like any other Fire Nation citizen. As we’ve seen in book 3 and in the Pirate comic book, The Fire Nation citizens were led to believe that the other Nations were ‘savages’ and ‘barbarians’. It villainizes the Fire Nation even more. The very fact that they would spread heinous lies against other people when they themselves were responsible for the war that ruined so many lives. But when you realize, what Sozin and the other Fire Lords did was a solid battle tactic. Making the opposing side out to be these horrendous monsters. Making lies or accentuating every one of their worst traits to dehumanize their enemies so that the people would not have any qualms about fighting them. All of the Fire Nation schools were taught these lies. And Zuko was no exception.

Zuko was a member of the Royal family. And from what was shown in the Avatar series, the Royal family was isolated from the rest of Fire Nation society. Zuko had no way of knowing what the other Nations were really like, no way of knowing the truth about the war and no one had bothered to explain it to him. The one person that could have, did NOT. And yet people had expected him to just automatically know that he was being lied to and that his people were the villains. Zuko’s only social exposure was with Fire Lord Azulon, Fire Lord Ozai, Dragon Of The West General and Crown Prince Iroh, his cousin Prince Lu Ten, his mother Princess Ursa and his younger sister Princess Azula and her friends Mai and Ty Lee. All of whom believed in the Fire Nation propaganda and all of whom had no problem in participating in the war and making jokes about burning Ba Sing Se to the ground. Zuko was under scrutiny and aggression from Ozai. Ozai was Zuko’s ‘handler’, his ‘groomer’. He groomed Zuko into a certain type of submissive and obedient behavior. Zuko was not allowed to show any type of emotion otherwise he would suffer severe repercussions. Ozai and Azula taunted Zuko for having a sense of compassion and with how he was ostracized in a war loving family, he began to believe his behavior and way of thinking was unusual. It was like Azula said to Mai, “Your mother had certain expectations of you and when you strayed from them you were shot down.” In Zuko’s case, the expectations he strayed from resulted in severe punishment. Ozai was willing to permanently disfigure and traumatize Zuko when he was a thirteen year old boy. It’s not unusual to think that his punishments towards Zuko would sometimes very likely be physical and many people even write alternate universes of the Avatar series where Ozai was even more abusive than he already was. He was a manipulative man who brainwashed his daughter into being his perfect, obedient little slave and manipulated his son into questioning his own sense of reality. He would tell him that Azula was born lucky and he was lucky to be born, cementing Azula’s view of herself of receiving everything she wanted and turning her personality toxic while he made Zuko feel inferior and faulty. If there was something wrong with him, his father would tell him and he needed to fix it. But he never could. He strayed towards his mother, who like Iroh, abandoned Azula because of Ozai’s manipulation and did nothing to help her like they ‘helped’ Zuko.

When Zuko was thirteen he wanted to ‘prove’ himself to his father by attending one of his war meetings. Zuko very likely only wished to do what his father wanted because by then, Iroh had abandoned him when he left after the Siege of Ba Sing Se, his mother disappeared and his grandfather and cousin were both dead. The only ones he had left of his family were his father and sister who both abused him and he only wished for their approval and their affection. Humans need mutual affection. Children who do not receive affection from their parents, tend to not take that type of neglect well. Because people need affection to properly function. Our parents love us from when we are young and that emotional connection is something very important to every human being’s mental state. However, Zuko’s only source of affection, his mother, was taken away from him. Azula herself, had no source of affection. Not from her mother, who thought she was demented from her father’s brainwashing, nor from her brother who feared her, nor from her father who used her as a tool. Returning to the day of the Agni Kai, Zuko wished to be of use to his father, he craved his affection because that is what the abuser does. They make you believe they are the only ones who can validate you and if you do not abide by their rules or follow their orders then you mean nothing. Zuko for the most part from what I could see in the flashback, held his promise and did not speak. But when he refused to back down when his people were in danger, Ozai was not pleased. This is because he is an abuser. He is Zuko’s ‘handler’ and when someone who is abusing another person witnesses this type of behavior, they have a feeling of loss of control. They desire control, they crave it, over the abusee especially. So when Zuko showed empathy towards the Fire Nation citizens and did not do as Ozai wished, he decided to ‘rectify’ that. In the most BRUTAL way possible. An Agni Kai. A public spectacle where he would establish dominance over his son, over his pawn and he would make a show of it. He would show everyone that HE was the one in control and NO ONE could defy him. When Zuko refused to fight Ozai, because of his love for his father, Ozai only saw that as a weakness. Ozai is a psychotic man. The fact that he did not have any problem in burning his son so cruelly shows that he does not have any sense of morals. Going back to Zuko, a thirteen year old child at the time, he had just been punished for disobedience, for straying from his father’s expectations, in the worst way possible.

Zuko did what many people would say is the right thing to do. He tried to defend his people from a cruel man intent on sending them to their deaths. But in doing so, he had defied his father and was punished for it. He was punished....for trying to HELP people. His life was essentially DESTROYED and he was thrown out of his home...for trying to help people. For showing empathy towards others. He was punished in the worst way possible for defying his father. His entire perception of right and wrong was thrown out of balance. He was taught that the war was right and that the Fire Lord, his father, was all knowing. And his mother tried to teach him kindness and her lessons of kindness got him punished. The amount of physical and mental damage he had sustained from such a punishment would in some cases be irreversible. Iroh was right there with Zuko and he did nothing. I CAN understand why he did not step in during the Agni Kai. He had been gone from the Fire Nation, his brother had taken the throne and he could have very well himself been punished severely for intervening. However, why did he allow Zuko to continue to believe he was the one at fault? Everyone of us has seen Zhao, has seen the way he treated Zuko during his banishment. Zuko very likely spent those entire two years before Aang’s arrival, being subjected to that type of behavior from everyone around him. All of them blamed him, all of them very likely said that he’d deserved what had happened to him. No one was on his side. He ended up turning aggressive and cruel towards others, because that was the way his father behaved and it was his empathy towards others that got him punished in the first place. He said in The Storm ‘the safety of the crew doesn’t matter’, just like the general that called the 41st division ‘fresh meat’. It was easier for Zuko to lash out at others and be aggressive than to let them see his vulnerabilities and hurt him for them again. It was the same with Song and her mother. Ozai tried to force him to be cruel, he tried to groom him the same way he did Azula. They dehumanized the other Nations and Zuko behaved the exact same way he was expected to. ‘Their compassion would cost them’. It was exactly the way his father wanted him to be. It was what Iroh did not wish for him, and yet despite claiming he thought of Zuko as a son, he did not in any way try to convince Zuko to give up his quest during the two years he had been searching for something that at the time was believed did not exist. The only instance we were shown of Iroh saying anything against his search, and even that is a stretch, was in the Western Air Temple episode where Zuko has a flashback of Iroh telling him that ‘destiny was a funny thing’ when Zuko said it was his destiny to capture the Avatar. Iroh had time to run the White Lotus, an antiwar organization for two YEARS maybe even longer and he did not think of taking two MINUTES to talk to Zuko, to ease him into realizing the wrongs of the war. Okay, yes he could have passed it off as character growth. But how do you expect a person, surrounded by people telling him he was at fault, he had no choice, either obey or never come back, to realize something like that? How do you expect an abuse victim to accept help all by themselves when their abuser forces them to depend on them? Did Iroh take him to some Earth Kingdom villages to see that they aren’t the vicious savages the Fire Nation portrays them to be? Did he take Zuko to the Southern Water Tribe to see the damage done to them at the hands of his own country? No. Instead he acted like an oblivious old man who had no interest other than Pai Sho and speaking proverbs that Zuko could not hope to understand.

Two years Zuko spent looking and looking and he turned desperate to the point that he was willing to do anything to go home. And then The Avatar finally returned. And then the people that Zuko was raised to perceive as brutal savages continued to stand in his way. And did Iroh intervene? No. He still did nothing. He allowed Zuko to continue his pursuit and turn into the worst possible version of himself. People say that Zuko should own up to the consequences of his actions. And he should. But would he have done those actions had Iroh stopped him earlier? Would he have done any of the things he did when the only remaining adult figure in his life had told him otherwise? Would he have listened to Iroh? The answer is yes. He was willing to do what Ozai had expected of him so why would he not listen to Iroh with time and patience instead of waiting till the last possible moment to do so? Children don’t automatically know right from wrong from the moment of their birth. They are taught by their parents, by the adults in their lives and Zuko had Ozai as his parental influence. And Iroh knew that. He knew the type of man his brother was and he did not try to overwrite his brother’s abuse to help his nephew until Zuko was already on the path of no return. When they became refugees Iroh still did nothing until they got to Ba Sing Se and until Zuko, again in an act of desperation, tried to capture Appa. That was when he FINALLY decided to step in. Three years since Zuko’s banishment, sixteen years of his father’s influence and abuse and he decides the very moment his nephew is close to the brink of insanity is the perfect opportunity to DESTROY his entire world view. He had worked day in and day out for two years before Aang appeared, only for his uncle, someone he TRUSTED, to tell him it was all for NOTHING. Two years of TORTURING himself. A year of fighting against his Nation’s enemies and SUDDENLY he’s being told it was all for nothing. When Iroh and Zuko reunited, Iroh told him he found his way again ‘on his own’ like how Zuko told Ozai he had to learn everything ‘on his own’. And they were both right. Zuko had no one to help him. He had to suffer through so much on his own, without anyone’s help and they’re SURPRISED he acted the way he did. When everything came to ahead in Ba Sing Se with Katara, people thought ‘Oh Zuko has changed he’s going to help Katara.’ And when he did not they HATED him for it.

The reason for this is because Katara was the ‘good guy’ and Zuko was the ‘bad guy’. Black and white. Katara and Zuko shared a moment of understanding from both losing their mothers and Katara offered to heal his scar and he chose to side with Azula and both Katara and the viewers saw this as a betrayal on Zuko’s part. This assumption however is completely unjustified and unfounded. Everyone sees Zuko and the Fire Nation as the bad guys. The villains of the story. But Katara and the Water Tribes and Earth Kingdom were the bad guys in the Fire Nation’s eyes. Katara was the ‘savage’ standing in the way of Zuko going home. The Avatar was his home’s greatest ENEMY and THREAT. Had the situation been reversed and Katara had to choose between Zuko and the Water Tribe and her brother and father, people would have supported her choice because they were the good guys. Zuko’s people were the bad guys so it had to be the wrong decision and a betrayal to Katara and Iroh. But Zuko was an unstable, traumatized child who did not wish to believe his people were bad, who did not want to fight his home after he spent so long trying to capture Aang, his home’s greatest THREAT and ENEMY. Katara hated Zuko because he represented everything that the Fire Nation did to her family. And Zuko hated her because she was the ‘savage’ keeping him from his one way home. To Zuko, Katara was the bad guy. And looking back at their moment of sympathy where Katara said he betrayed her trust I can only ask one thing....how could Zuko have known that Katara wasn’t trying to trick him? Now, the viewers would automatically respond ‘Katara’s not like that! She wouldn’t do that!’ but the fact is, we the viewers KNOW Katara. We know she’s not that type of person because we got to know her through out the series. Zuko does NOT know her. To Zuko, she’s just another faceless enemy out to KILL his father. He chose Azula’s side because he could not accept what Iroh was saying to him because why hadn’t Iroh said so sooner? He did not want to join Aang’s side cause this was the AVATAR. The one out to KILL his FATHER and take down his HOME. When Zuko returned, he was conflicted about what he had done because he had begun to see how wrong his father and sister’s behavior and The Fire Nation’s war truly was. And Iroh cemented that further by proclaiming Zuko’s struggle was because of Roku and Sozin’s conflict when that was clearly not the case. Zuko was groomed and brainwashed by the Fire Nation propaganda like every other citizen but he was not dispelled from that belief by anyone. No one tried to make him question that belief. Iroh did not try to ‘help Zuko’ until the very last moment in Ba Sing Se. People believe Zuko betrayed Iroh because that’s how it’s supposed to be when Zuko was the ‘bad guy’ and Iroh was the ‘caring’ Uncle and ‘voice of reason’. And yet he did not think to ‘reason’ with Zuko before this entire mess even started. He did not in any way try to disrupt Zuko’s view of the other Nations or his father. In my opinion, IROH was the one who betrayed ZUKO. Iroh KNEW the entire time that what Zuko was doing was wrong. Zuko was a child who was not allowed to think for himself and Iroh KNEW Zuko was brainwashed by the exact same propaganda he himself had believed before he lost his son. If Iroh, who had believed in the Fire Nation for so many years, was unable to realize the wrongs of the war until his ADULTHOOD when he lost his son, how in the world did he expect a 13 year old child to do so? And Zuko became even more unstable and then he chose the Fire Nation.

When he realized it was wrong and went to join team Avatar, they were reasonably mistrusting.

Zuko’s redemption arc from a simple perspective, from team Avatar’s perspective was very well done. Team Avatar did not know what Zuko had been through. To them he was just another Fire Nation monster who had hurt them. To the audience, he was just another Fire Nation monster who had hurt the good guys. No one would think that deep into a fictional character’s perspective or psychological and mental state. No one would think past the ‘good guy’ and the ‘bad guy’. But one thing I cannot justify is Katara’s accusation of betrayal towards Zuko. As we have mentioned, Zuko and Katara were enemies who had a mutual hatred towards each other before his ‘redemption’. They had one single moment of shared empathy and understanding and that is NOT the basis for earned trust. What would Katara have done had she been in Zuko’s shoes? Fighting her enemies, fighting people she sees as nothing more than monsters and she has to choose between her long time enemy and her sibling and her home and her family. If she was in that position, she would choose Sokka and Hakoda and Aang and the Water Tribe over Zuko in a heartbeat because those are her FAMILY members and her FRIENDS and people would justify her because she’s the ‘good guy’. The hero. But Zuko is the villain so his actions automatically AREN’T justifiable. I understand Katara’s mistrust towards Zuko because of their history and because again, she doesn’t know anything about him or what he went through. But she cannot expect him to just automatically leave behind everything he’s ever known and ever believed in because of one single moment of understanding. Zuko should have done everything he could to make it up to the group because he owed it to them and they again, did not know any of his reasons for hunting them. But Zuko does not deserve to be labeled simply as ‘a bad guy turned good’ when he was NEVER a bad guy to begin with. When he was never even mentally stable enough to make that type of decision for himself. In today’s day and age Zuko and Azula would have BOTH ended up in a mental institution. And after all of the things he went through, Zuko was the one who ended up going back to Iroh and apologizing when Iroh was the one who abandoned him and then Zuko at 16 years old ended up as the leader of a nearly fallen apart country. He had to suffer through insomnia, assassination attempts and mental instability and abandonment. Iroh left to Ba Sing Se and only made two appearances in a total of SIX comic books after the end of the War and one of those was entirely brief. So while Iroh gets to enjoy the rest of his life selling tea, Zuko has to suffer the consequences for what his family did. He was also abandoned by Mai which brings me to another point.

Zuko’s toxic relationships.

Some people say they dislike Mai because she is emotionally abusive towards Zuko. It never occurred to me before but looking at it now, I have to say that I agree. In the comics after book 2 had ended it was shown that Azula used Mai’s childhood crush on Zuko to manipulate him into going back to the Fire Nation with her. And Mai.....I don’t even know how to get started on the entire mess that is their relationship. Mai is a person who does not like emotion. She doesn’t like to express herself and immediately shuts down anything even close to emotion. The same applies to Zuko. Zuko is a very emotionally unstable and insecure person. And instead of reassuring and calming him, Mai immediately cuts him off whenever he loses a handle of his emotions and just flat out ends their relationship on the spot. She gives Zuko no explanation, just gets angry at him and then all of a sudden when Zuko can’t take anymore and explodes she suddenly says she cares about him. Their relationship is toxic. Mai demeans his problems and things that trouble him. Quote “I just asked if you were cold, I didn’t ask for your whole life story.” when Zuko was nervous about going back home. She demeans his guilt towards Iroh and tries to make him feel better by ordering servants around. And then in the Boiling Rock episode she attacks him for his letter which is reasonable on her part, but there is the problem that despite being Zuko’s girlfriend, up until that point she was Azula’s subordinate first and foremost and she could have tried to let Azula know. Still was a shitty way of ending their relationship, I’m not gonna act like it wasn’t but I still wanted to put that perspective out there just for thought. Not to mention how she ended things in the comic books. The trust issue I understand. But I don’t understand how ONE single mistake would lead to her just immediately ending things instead of at least TRYING to work it out. She could have listened to him and seen why he was so upset and scared of messing up that he went to Ozai of all people for help. She did not stick by him when he needed her and that was what forever ruined their relationship for me.

In simple terms, Zuko was a bad guy who became a good guy and redeemed himself.

In psychological terms, Zuko was an abuse victim who was brainwashed since his childhood, blamed for it and made into a scapegoat while his sister ended up in a mental institution because of her father’s influence and because the same people who ‘helped’ Zuko didn’t think she deserved it too.

So from what I’ve seen while rewatching the series....

Zuko never needed redeeming. Zuko needed help.

And he didn’t get it.

#avatar the last airbender #zuko #zuko deserved better #azula #azula deserved better #zuko needs therapy #azula needs therapy

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moon-light-jukebox · 4 years

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Learning Styles - [Reid x Reader]

Summary: Reader has worked hard to get to the FBI, but a misunderstanding has her feeling insecure.

Pairing: Spencer Reid / Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Genre: Fluff

Rating: PG

Content Warning: Mention of normal criminal minds stuff briefly.

A/n: I got these two requests and they were so similar I decided to combine them. I hope that’s okay, but I feel like the stories would have been almost identical.

Requests: - I have a fic suggestion. Reader pretends to be dumb but is actually really smart. I’m thinking of that quote about marilyn ”you have to be really smart to pretend to be dumb”. One day spencer realizes that reader is smarter than she lets people know.

- Hi! Can I request a spencer reid x reader fic where reader isn't great with numbers but brilliant with behaviour and humanities (i.e. literature, history, sociology, up to you)? Maybe a dash of insecurity to spice things up?

-- Learning Styles --

My favorite professor in college told me that everyone learns differently; what works for one person won’t work in the same way for another. We are all different human beings that are shaped in different ways.

I had always been oddly insecure about my intelligence level. One of my earliest memories was my mother yelling at me while I sat at the kitchen table when I was in first grade. I was the only kid in my class who still hadn’t learned how to read. I just didn’t understand. All of my friends were progressing so much quicker than me and my mother was losing patience.

It wasn’t until my grandmother stepped in that everything changed. My elementary school teacher was training children to read by memorizing sight words, a concept I didn’t understand. When my grandmother sat down and taught me phonics. I distinctly remember everything snapping into place.

I was in 1st grade and reading at a 7th-grade level by Christmas. Once I finally understood my learning style, I really began to thrive.

But no matter what I did, I could still hear my mother yelling at me, telling me I was stupid.

In my line of work, I see just how much the throw away comments that parents make can shape a child’s development. Luckily, those comments just made me a bit insecure, not a murderer.

Up until I was 22, I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do beyond this desire I had to help people. SSA David Rossi had come to guest lecture in one of my abnormal psych classes during undergrad. After I heard him speak, I was done. I couldn’t have done anything else with my life. I had obtained my master’s in psychology before I joined the FBI.

It took some time, but I was finally assigned to the Behavioral Analysis Unit at Quantico. I was so excited on my first day that I remember my hands physically shaking.

Until they weren’t.

I can still remember my first day so clearly. SSA Hotchner had introduced me to the team, saving the “best” for last.

“And this is Dr. Spencer Reid,” he had said. “He’s our expert on…well, everything.”

Reid was my age and he had his Ph.D. I remember feeling awed by him.

Until I didn’t.

"I hold 3 Ph.D.'s in Chemistry, Engineering, and Mathematics. I also have BAs in psychology and sociology."

I remember my jaw almost hitting the floor. While I was impressed by him, I wasn’t insecure about my place on the team.

Until I was.

My grandmother may have helped me master reading, which opened the door to me mastering anything else I put my mind to…except math.

I was fine at statistics, luckily. You couldn’t get a psych degree without a ton of statistics work. But statistics was different, I could see the practical use of statistics. I just couldn’t wrap my head around calculus or algebra.

On my first case with the team, Reid had calculated some insane mathematical equations on the whiteboard, running down the probabilities and applying a mathematical formula to the unsub’s behavior.

It wasn't until later, after the case was solved when I was standing in front of the whiteboard that my confidence was hit. Reid had come into the room and saw me looking at his work.

“Don’t bother trying to understand it,” he had said. “You’d have to be a genius to understand what I do.”

I didn’t have a word to describe the feeling that settled in my stomach at his words, I wasn’t sure such a word existed. The feeling was cold and heavy, but also made my body burn with shame.

I had just offered him a tight smile before I left the room.

On the plane home I had made a decision. I was no match for Dr. Reid, I doubt anyone was. So, I would take myself out of the competition. I couldn’t get hurt if I wasn’t playing the game.

And that is how the next year of my life went. I allowed Dr. Reid to explain things to me that I was an expert in, never saying a word. I acted like I didn't understand concepts that I had written papers on. The only thing I didn't dumb down was my profiling skills. Those were necessary for my job and for saving lives.

I don’t think anyone realized what I was doing.

Until they did.

The team had been called to Colorado to assist in capturing a serial rapist.

All of our cases bothered me, every last one…but something about ones with this vile element really struck me.

We had the unsub’s name, Tyler Childress. He had spent time in prison for sexual assault and burglary. It seems while he was in prison, he spent time perfecting his methods; it was only by pure luck that we found his fingerprint inside the victim’s house, making him the main suspect.

When we paid Mr. Childress a visit, he had managed to get the drop on Prentiss and Morgan, allowing them to escape. Morgan was furious.

All of us were sitting around a conference table in the local prescient while we let Dr. Reid talk.

I was trying to be calm, I was, but my nails were digging into my palm so deeply I was worried I was about to draw blood.

“Guys,” the expert on everything said. “He has to have some sort of accomplice.”

Rossi just sighed. “But the profile doesn’t point to him being the sort to do well with others; he’s a narcissist.”

Reid wouldn’t budge. “I know that, but he isn’t intelligent enough to pull this off alone. He’s just not. He had an IQ test done when he was 20. He scored in the mentally handicapped range. I’m telling you he has to have help.”

“Are you sure, Reid?” Hotch asked.

“Positive. I have his results right here.”

“IQ tests aren’t a good measure of intelligence on their own.”

I was so startled that someone had contradicted Dr. Reid that it took me a second to realize it was me who had contradicted him.

He turned to face me; his brown eyes wide. “What?”

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. “IQ tests aren’t a good measure of intelligence.”

Dr. Reid laughed. He laughed at me like my comment was funny. “I don’t know where you heard that,” he began.

But I interrupted him. "IQ tests are classist and oftentimes racist. The man who invented the IQ test never intended for it to be used as a complete measure of intelligence. He regretted making the test.”

Reid sputtered. “You…it’s not racist!”

“Yes. It. Is.” I ground out. “If it wasn’t it wouldn’t be illegal to administer an IQ test to a black child in the state of California.”

"Wait, it's illegal to do that?" JJ asked, her brows drawn together.

"Yes. There was a court case in the 1970s over it. Teachers were using tests to separate white children from black children. The black children were put into special education classes they didn’t need to be in. Just because the teachers didn’t want those children in their classrooms.”

I should have stopped, but I was on a role. “They’re also inherently classist. How can you expect a child to answer a question about Romeo and Juliet if they haven’t heard of it?”

That had Dr. Reid scoffing. “Everyone has heard of it.”

I shot to my feet, unable to hold back anymore. “No, they haven’t. Children in underfunded schools that don’t have access to resources might not have heard about the most famous play in history because their school wasn’t able to provide the materials to teach them about it. There was a study done in a remote part of Russia right after the IQ test was invented. Every. Single. Person. Scored in the mentally handicapped range. Because they didn’t understand.”

I knew my voice was rising but I couldn’t stop myself. “Once the researcher took the questions and applied them to things they understood, they all scored as above average. They didn’t understand math as an abstract concept, but they understood it when it was applied to their businesses, to something they actually knew about.”

I cleared my throat. “The test isn’t fair, it’s not equal. Tyler Childress didn’t go to a good school and he didn’t have a stable home life. You can’t use one measure to calculate his intelligence. He’s gotten away with 7 assaults so far that we know of. He’s not stupid.”

The entire room was silent once I had stopped speaking. I couldn’t bring myself to regret it though. What kind of person was I if I played dumb because I was afraid of being mocked when a monster was out there attacking women? No, those women deserved to have me at my best.

And I’ll be damned if I wouldn’t give it to them.

Rossi spoke first, his eyes twinkling when he looked at me. “Took you long enough,” he said. “But y/n is right. We trust the profile; we don’t let personal bias cloud the way. That’s how we catch this bastard.”

Later that day, we were cleaning up the conference room while the local police processed Tyler Childress.

Pathological narcissism is a complex disorder, but we followed the profile and Rossi was right. Hotch set up a press conference in which JJ and Prentiss took center stage. They tore Childress’s ego to shreds on live television.

His narcissism wouldn’t allow that to slide. He got angry, he made a mistake, and we got him before anyone else got hurt.

While the cat was out of the bag about my intelligence and that made me nervous, I couldn't regret any of it. I got to be the one to tell our last victim that we got him. I got to hug her while she cried because now that he was locked up, she felt like her healing could begin. I wasn’t sure if my rant about structural racism and the classism of IQ tests actually helped anything, but that didn’t really matter. There was one less monster in the shadows.

Today was a good day.

I was alone in the conference room, untacking photos from the evidence board when I heard someone clear their throat from behind me. I turned my head to meet the wide, honey brown eyes of Dr. Spencer Reid.

Oh boy, I thought. “What’s up, Reid?”

He shifted from foot to foot, his hands twisting in front of him before he crossed his arms over his chest. “I asked Garcia to look into you.”

My eyebrows drew together. “I’m pretty sure any nefarious things I had done would have popped up on my initial background check.”

“Right, I didn’t mean like that,” he mumbled, the apples of his cheeks turning pink. “I asked her to look into you academically.”

Shit.

He went on. “You double majored in psychology and sociology before you got a master’s in cultural psychology. She pulled your thesis. I just read it.”

“I see.” I turned my attention back to the board.

“You also guest lecture on cross-cultural psychology at Georgetown several times a year. And you’ve co-authored two papers since I’ve known you.”

Meh, it’s three. But that doesn’t matter. “Did you read those too?”

I took his silence as confirmation.

He was so quiet I almost thought he had left, but the crackle of energy I felt in the air told me he hadn’t. “Do you need something, Dr. Reid?”

"Why didn't you get your Ph.D.?"

I had answered that question many, many times. “I didn’t need a doctorate to do what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to waste time. Once I figured out what I wanted, I charged at it.” Which was a far more honest answer than most people got about that from me.

“W-why did you pretend to be dumb?” he rasped out, causing me to look back at him. “32 days ago, you let me explain the long-term effects of gerrymandering and the complex causes of poverty.”

“Of course, I did,” I said, frowning. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“One of the papers you authored was about generational poverty.”

“Just because I know a lot about something doesn’t mean I can stop listening to information. That sort of thinking breeds ignorance.” I smiled, unable to not tease him just a little bit.

Reid took a step closer to me. “You didn’t answer my question.”

I just shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t have a good answer.”

In all the months I had known him, Spencer Reid had never touched me, not even so much as a finger brushing against mine when he handed me something. That fact is why I was so startled when I felt his hand on my upper arm, turning me towards him.

He licked his lips, his eyes darting around. “Did everyone else know?”

I shook my head, my teasing mood long gone. "No. I mean, clearly, Rossi suspected but…No, I didn't tell anyone else."

“I just don’t understand. You’re brilliant.”

I scoffed. “No, I’m not. I’m decent a psychology, sociology, stuff like that. I can’t apply math to behavior to find patterns. I can’t even calculate how much something is gonna cost when it’s on sale without a calculator half the time.”

‘What do you…” Reid trailed off. “Wait. The very first case. You were looking at the evidence board.”

Goddamn eidetic memory.

The boy wonder was on a roll now. “I told you that you’d have to…is that why you didn’t tell me?”

What else could I do? I just nodded.

Those brown eyes closed, and he let out a groan. “I said that because I thought you were going to…I was worried…” He huffed out a breath and opened his eyes. “I wanted you to like me. I didn’t want you to think I was just a nerd.”

Now I was confused. “Why?”

Spencer Reid’s blush went all the way down his neck. “Well…I just…Morgan said I should just talk to you. But I’m not…I’m not good at that. I panic, then I start to ramble. Like I’m doing now…”

“Reid,” I interrupted. “I’m not playing dumb now. I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I like you,” he blurted out right before he smacked both of his hands over his face. “Oh my god. I sound like a child.” I thought I heard him mutter idiot under his breath. “Emily says that my IQ gets slashed to 60 whenever I see a pretty girl.”

Much like that moment all those years ago when I was a child, I felt everything click into place. Oh.

I couldn't suppress my smile any longer. I rose up on my tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Well, we've already gone over how IQ tests aren't a good measure of overall intelligence."

With that, I quickly stepped away and hurried out of the conference room, leaving a stunned genius in my wake. When I turned back to look at him, I saw his fingers brushing over the place where my lips had just been.

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#Spencer Reid #Criminal Minds #Criminal Minds Fan Fiction #Spencer Reid fan fiction #Spencer Reid imagine #criminal minds imagine #Spencer Reid x you #Spencer Reid x reader #Spencer read x y/n #Dr. Spencer reid #dr. reid

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thepursuitofunderstanding · 2 years

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Excerpts from Gabor Mate’s “In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts,”part 1:

“The Hungry Ghost Realm... is the domain of addiction where we constantly seek something outside ourselves to curb an insatiable yearning for relief or fulfillment. The aching emptiness is perpetual because the substances, objects or pursuits we hope will soothe it are not what we really need, and so long as we stay in the hungry ghost mode, we’ll never know. We haunt our lives without being fully present.”

“A sense of deficient emptiness pervades our entire culture. The drug addict is more painfully conscious of this void than most people and has limited means of escaping it. The rest of us find other ways of suppressing our fear of emptiness or of distracting ourselves from it. When we have nothing to occupy our minds, bad memories, troubling anxieties, unease or the nagging mental stupor we call boredom can arise. At all costs, drug addicts want to escape spending ‘alone time’ with their minds.”

“Boredom, rooted in a fundamental discomfort was the self, is one of the least tolerable mental states.”

“The addicts reliance on the drug to reawaken her dulled feelings is no adolescent caprice. The dullness itself is a consequence of an emotional malfunction not of her making: the internal shutdown of vulnerabilty... Vulnerability is our susceptibility to be wounded. This fragility is part of our nature and cannot be escaped. The best the brain can do is to shut down conscious awareness of it when pain becomes so vast and unbearable that it threatens to overwhelm our capacity to function. The automatic repression of painful emotion is a helpless child’s prime defense mechanism and can enable the child to endure trauma that would otherwise be catastrophic. The unfortunate consequence is a wholesale dulling of emotional awareness.”

“The object, form and severity of addictions are shaped by many influences--social, political and economic status, personal and family history, physiological and genetic predispositions--but at the core of all addictions there lies a spiritual void.”

“Pain begets pain.”

“Isolation is in the very nature of addiction. Psychological isolation tips people into addiction in the first place, and addiction keeps them isolated because it sets a higher value on their motivations and behaviours around the drug than on anything else--even human contact.”

#gabor mate #in the realm of the hungry ghosts #books #addiction #psychology #philosophy

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suncaptor · 3 years

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s7 adoration

First off, one thing I love about it is the versatility of it. some of my favourite parts are the humour of it, and the balance to the horror of it. It does lean towards dark, and is certainly darker than the rest of the show, but that just makes the gravity of it all lift off so intense when there’s randomly then dick jokes and so forth. same goes for the characters in it with the themes.

I genuinely think that leviathans are one of the scariest and best villains on the show because of the reflection of psychological horror and the flip on the script of hunted/hunter.

That being said, I also think Dick Roman is a great villain for comedic reasons as well and genuinely find his dialogue memorable. So memorable, in fact, I made this uquiz.

I also think that it is the darkest season psychologically in supernatural, like it rings out nadir to me, yet at the same time, this is all canon dialogue. but also it is quite unseen, the depth of it, which is infuriating (and my main fix would it being from Sam’s perspective), but it makes it compelling to me too.

I actually really like having sodium borate being corrosive to leviathans

There’s a canonical bipolar main character who’s vital to the plot and who’s talented and who’s also part of the inner themed reflections of paranoia within without systems and being incapable of trust anything even your brain while still retaining that vitality.

The season starts out with perhaps one of my favourite arcs in the show, as well, which brings me great joy in all the dialogue while also introducing one of the other most compelling parts of the show (being godstiel then Sam’s PTSD hallucinations retrospectively).

Two of the three main writer’s I look to as the core of what I love about Supernatural are perhaps the strongest voices in the season (Sera Gamble and Ben Edlund) and I really actually love the addition of Robbie Thompson and think some of his episodes are top tier. I don’t like Adam Glass, Buckleming, or Robert Singer writing any of the episodes, and my fix to s7 would be deleting those episodes, and Dabb is on like, thin ice, but I do really like most of the writing and theming and all and am genuinely enjoying the individual episodes and think that tied with 2, 4, and 5 it’s got the best quality for being entertaining to me.

And when I was looking at favourite episodes in Kripke/Gamble era (which I generally vastly prefer), it had the most of top 30 (8), and 20% of the top 10. And of that, it would skew towards the top total.

While Hello Cruel World sets up the season’s intent extremely well, I think that Defending Your Life drives the points home about how this reflects onto Sam and Dean in regards of their own psychological issues and how it will then impact their actions, the conflict not at all then revolving around leviathans but the concept of monstrosity and mental illness. While the season is incredibly ableist constantly and with some writers it’s clear that it’s intentional and the characters and they treat Sam with respect, other times it’s clearly not. I still am obsessed with this because it is directly and not metaphorically addressing these issues even if poorly.

Slash Fiction has some of the most in character and pointed analysis in the show immediately, including this scene and actually references and uses the history of the characters and the show itself to be more horrifying.

How To Win Friends and Influence Monsters is just also the epitome of s7 in general, from Sam hallucinating Lucifer and saying he’s lucky and people have it worse, Dean at his nihilistic worst about to lose Bobby admit while high on a sandwich what it’s really about, the fact they didn’t ever want to shoot deer, and just iconic dialogue from everyone including our favourite Dick Roman and “bibbing” while also having Bobby see the plans building the tension of the overall arc in the season right before being shot.

And while Death’s Door is very painful for me to rewatch, it is also an astounding episode of television from the terror of going back to the origin “You can never go home” and the only genetic case of bullet to the head (generational trauma), the insight into the abuse, how it shaped all the memories proceeding it, how Bobby didn’t escape it or what it did to him, but he also never was anything like his deepest fears or his fathers, and also Bobby’s speech towards his father. I also think the way Sam and Dean respond is extremely well written and their grief is palpable.

We also then get these lovely random images I get to share here :) X, X, and X.

Repo Man I may have some criticisms about in terms of ableism and homophobia, but it is still one of the best, and most horrifying, episodes in the show. Both the mirrors and the revelations throughout the episode and the dark intoxicating obsession while also seeing Sam’s actual trauma in front of us… I feel like I could literally analyse this episode for years, it’s so rich and deep, as much of Edlund’s episodes are when he decides he wants to make something deep instead of comical.

that being said I think The Born Again Identity may be one of the best episodes in the entire show. I can’t rationalise this because it would take hours if you don’t like this episode we just have entirely different taste.

Though, outside of the actual episode writing, the way it opens with the surreality and mental deterioration is very important to me, and it’s just one of many aspects of this episode, but I feel like it may be less popular so I thought I’d say it.

Charlie’s first episode and actually having our first actually good fully fleshed out lgbt character genuinely changes something in me when I watch it like. It is so full of hope for me personally just because of how fun and deep it remains. We get to hear Dick Roman describe the spark in humanity he can’t replicate while also saying “Nothing’s safe. I like that.” (the thesis of the season). Donald Trump helped him get the leviathan tablet. We get the scene where Dean coaches Charlie through flirting with a man and also have her make Harry Potter references which I just personally find very funny to watch. And Charlie’s mere existence just makes me hope, like the way she is.

Season 7 is the first season Cas tells Sam and Dean he loves them.

And Kevin Tran is introduced, one of my favourite characters who also adds much to the season itself.

Reading is Fundamental is the episode that Kevin Tran is introduced, that we get to see more into Cas’s past through the ways in which is he more open in his altered mental state such as how he loved Neanderthal poetry and bees, Hester’s accusation towards Dean, more talk around the hell trauma transfer which intrigues me even if it also infuriates me, and Cas actually faces and reacting to what he’s done, even if in an altered state. There are countless reasons I love it.

Also, this may not be something someone who doesn’t ship destiel can see and leans much more subtextual, so ignore this part if you are bothered by those interpretations, but I think season 7 is when Dean realised he was in love with Cas and like I do have a lot of reasons for thinking this and find it just another layer of why seeing the psychology of the main characters is intriguing to me. I also then can do parallels throughout that reflect this grapping too. And it adds layers to how Dean finds him married then, maybe even add the demon he kissed.

And then, of course, is the matter of the trench coat.

this is very very limited, but I tried my best to be comprehensive of my highlights and reasons for loving season 7!

#s7 #spn #supernatural #incoherents #lists

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sage-nebula · 3 years

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So, the good news: Ghetsis was not redeemed, he isn’t going to have a relationship with N moving forward, and although N was shown to wish things could be different between them, ultimately the whole situation was treated with the seriousness and gravitas that it deserved and N never once forgot the abuse that Ghetsis put him through, nor was he at any point willing to just brush it aside. In that regard, I’m very glad for how Masters handled the situation.

With that said, though, the writing in Masters made me realize something else about how child abuse stories are handled in Pokémon, and that something else is . . . not good. Namely, I’ve realized there is a significant difference between how child abuse stories in Pokémon are handled depending on whether the abusive parent is blood related to the child or not.

First and foremost, let’s get this out of the way: There is a social stigma in Japan against adoption. This isn’t to say that children never get adopted, but that culturally adoption is looked down upon in comparison to having biological children, and as a result there are only a few hundred adoptions each year in comparison to the thousands of kids living in orphanages. (Although this isn’t purely stigma, since in Japan the biological parents can still retain legal guardianship over their children in the orphanages and can therefore prevent them from being adopted by families as well. They don’t do this maliciously, but instead might think, “I will be able to care for my child later” even if that never comes to pass.) Additionally, I’ve read before that the stigma is why adopted children often don’t refer to their adopted parents as “mother” or “father” but I can’t find that source now, so take that with a grain of salt.

Anyway, the point of me saying all of that is: Japan has a stigma against adoption and Pokémon is a video game series created by Japanese people. Therefore, it stands to reason that Japanese cultural beliefs (such as the importance of blood family over adopted family) can make its way into the series, even if the series itself is a worldwide phenomenon that they know will absolutely stretch beyond Japan’s borders . . . and I think that’s what has happened here, intentionally or otherwise. Basically, whether an abusive parent in Pokémon is redeemed or not seems to have very little to do with the severity of the abuse (including that which is shown to the audience), but instead everything to do with whether their children are biologically related to them or not.

First, let’s take a look at the abusive parent that was redeemed, Lusamine. In Sun & Moon specifically Lusamine is not once shown being anything but abusive to her children. Lillie tells a story of how Lusamine was kind to her a couple times in the past (dancing in the rain, co-sleeping when Lillie was sick), but that falls in line for abusive parents. Abusive parents generally aren’t abusive 24/7; there’s a well-known cycle of abuse which contains a “honeymoon period” stage in which, typically after an apology and a promise to do better, the abuser treats the victim kindly, which usually results in the victim believing that the abuser really does love them and that whatever abuse comes later (and it always does come later) is in fact the victim’s fault on some level, for failing to keep things stable. Regardless, we know that not only did Lusamine abuse both Gladion and Lillie terribly in the past (to the point where Lillie has trauma surrounding even the clothes she wears and has trouble getting new ones), but we also see her verbally and emotionally abuse them on-screen, and then we see her attempt to murder Lillie during the climax. While Lusamine was retooled into being a well-intentioned extremist in Ultra Sun & Ultra Moon, we again see her verbally abuse her children on-screen, to the point where when Hau says that Lusamine really isn’t a bad person after all, we see Gladion grimacing in the background. All told, we see Lusamine emotionally, verbally, and (with her attempted murder in SM) physically abuse her children on-screen, and yet she is still forgiven by them pretty much immediately, redeemed, and treated as if they’re a happy family with just a few unfortunate bumps in their history. I’ll note here, for anyone who isn’t already aware, that Lusamine is Gladion and Lillie’s biological mother, and this is obvious by how similar they all look even if you weren’t told repeatedly.

Now let’s look at the abusive parent that is not redeemed, Ghetsis. In the first set of Unova games, Black & White, most of Ghetsis’ abuse of N happens off-screen and isn’t revealed until the climax. Ghetsis had N raised in a castle underground where he was cut off from society. He was brought pokémon that had been abused so that he could be manipulated into thinking that all humans abused pokémon and that pokémon needed to be liberated therefore. Because Ghetsis needed N to act as King of Team Plasma and control the legendary dragon, Ghetsis didn’t directly abuse N during this time. Instead, he neglected him (N was primarily raised by his sisters, Concordia and Anthea), and psychologically abused him via manipulative lies about what the rest of the world was like. It isn’t until the climax when N has decided to disband Team Plasma and listen to what the player has to say that Ghetsis brings out the verbal abuse, calling N “a freak without a human heart” and revealing that he was only ever using N all along. In the sequel games, Ghetsis is similarly openly hostile to N again, showing that he has no intentions whatsoever of being a good father to him. He’s pretty terrible to him, even if we didn’t see very much of it (particularly in comparison to what we saw with the Aether family, whose abuse was also much more realistic than N’s situation), and pretty much no one would want him to be redeemed. But also it’s important to note that N and Ghetsis, despite having the same hair color, are for whatever reason NOT biologically related.

And this is hammered home time . . . and time . . . and time again, particularly in this Masters event.

Now, I think most of us would agree that it would be hard to find a woman who would want to procreate with Ghetsis. Granted, Ghetsis isn’t the type of person who would care about consent, but I do think it’s reasonable to assume that Game Freak probably wanted to avoid those thoughts, even though it could have been very easily solved by having a female Sage who was also Ghetsis’ baby mama / wife (similar to how Ariana, one of Giovanni’s executives, is very obviously Silver’s mother). So I mean, from a taste standpoint, I can see why they wanted to go the adoption route with Ghetsis, even though they still made him and N have green hair despite not being biologically related for some reason.

But.

I still think it’s noticeable that they have the irredeemable abusive parent be the one who both had the least amount of on-screen abuse (and also the least realistic abuse) and also be the adopted parent, versus the one they bent themselves into pretzel shapes to redeem be the one with the most on-screen abuse (and most realistic abuse) who also happened to be the biological parent. The message that sends, to me, is that it doesn’t matter how badly you abuse your children in this world so long as you are their biological parent. In the end, you will be forgiven and they are beholden to you as family. Versus if you’re an adoptive parent . . . well, you were never as important anyway, so. I mean, why else would Lillie leave her loving adoptive parents of Kukui and Burnet to go back to her abusive mother in Sun & Moon? Clearly the blood ties were just that much more important. (Granted, Kukui and Burnet hadn’t officially adopted her, but they as good as. I’ll never stop being infuriated by that ending.)

This is, to a lesser extent, even shown with Giovanni and Silver’s situation. Giovanni was, to our knowledge, never actually abusive toward Silver; in the one conversation we see them have in HeartGold & SoulSilver, Silver’s main issue is that he doesn’t understand why Giovanni is disbanding Team Rocket after losing to Red, and also he doesn’t get why Giovanni needs so many underlings to begin with. He thinks Giovanni is weak, and Giovanni just tells him that he’s wrong without really bothering to explain things. At most, Giovanni is aloof and distant with Silver, which makes Silver angry, but Silver’s bigger issue is with Team Rocket as a whole. Giovanni’s definitely not a good father, but he’s not an abusive parent on par with Lusamine or Ghetsis from what we’ve been shown, and the implication is there that they could potentially repair their relationship in the future. Even in this event, the tension between them wasn’t bad, just complicated.

But . . . they’re also biologically related. Silver is Giovanni’s son, we’ve been told this a million times, and it’s very obvious that Ariana is his mother. They’re biologically related. And so, even though Giovanni is routinely touted as one of Pokémon’s most fearsome villains, Silver will never actually cut him off completely / be able to do that because Giovanni is his biological father. The fact that Team Rocket is based on yakuza probably complicates things even further there, but all the same. If Silver had been adopted by Giovanni, I’m pretty positive that Giovanni wouldn’t care / Silver would cut him off entirely. It wouldn’t be seen as a “real” family.

And this all bothers me, because not only was my biological mother abusive, but my stepmother was the only one who treated me as a mother should treat her child. Similarly, my biological sister was complicit and even participated in the abuse I suffered as a child, but my stepbrother whom I’ve known practically my whole life is the sibling I’d ride or die with. To me, biological ties mean jack shit. Family doesn’t begin or end with blood; to treat non-blood relations as lesser is something that will never fail to raise my hackles. So to see it handled this way in one of my favorite franchises of all time . . . yeah, it’s more than a little upsetting. I understand why it’s happening, I’m fully aware of the cultural context that this series is being written in, but that doesn’t mean that I have to like it, because I don’t.

And before anyone gets it twisted:

Both Lusamine and Ghetsis can rot in hell, NEITHER should have been redeemed. This is NOT me complaining about Ghetsis being treated as the piece of shit he is, but rather my anger at the fact that Lusamine got a pass because she birthed the children she abused, and Masters making that abundantly clear by having N and Ghetsis state in every single chapter of this event that they weren’t blood related.

But anyway, it’s nearly 4am, and I need sleep. I can continue being angry about Pokémon’s handling of abusive parents at a later date.

#pokemon #pokemon masters #pokemon critical

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and-then-there-were-n0ne · 4 years

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Chinese Footbinding

Instructions Before Reading Chapter

Find a piece of cloth 10 feet long and 2 inches wide

Find a pair of children’s shoes

Bend all toes except the big one under and into the sole of the foot.

Wrap the cloth around these toes and then around the heel.

Bring the heel and toes as close together as possible.

Wrap the full length of the cloth as tightly as possible

Squeeze foot into children’s shoes

Walk

Imagine that you are 5 years old

Imagine being like this for the rest of your life

The origins of Chinese footbinding, as of Chinese thought in general, belong to that amorphous entity called antiquity. The 10th century marks the beginning of the physical, intellectual, and spiritual dehumanization of women in China through the institution of footbinding. That institution itself, the implicit belief in its necessity and beauty, and the rigor with which it was practiced lasted another 10 centuries. There were sporadic attempts at emancipating the foot — some artists, intellectuals, and women in positions of power were the proverbial drop in the bucket. Those attempts, modest though they were, were doomed to failure: footbinding was a political institution which reflected and perpetuated the sociological and psychological inferiority of women; footbinding cemented women to a certain sphere, with a certain function — women were sexual objects and breeders. Footbinding was mass attitude, mass culture — it was the key reality in a way of life lived by real women— 10 centuries times that many millions of them. […]

The physical process which created this foot is described by Howard S.Levy in Chinese Footbinding: The History of a Curious Erotic Custom:

The success or failure of footbinding depended on skillful application of a bandage around each foot. The bandage, about two inches wide and ten feet long, was wrapped in the following way. One end was placed on the inside of the instep, and from there it was carried over the small toes so as to force the toes in and towards the sole. The large toe was left unbound. The bandage was then wrapped around the heel so forcefully that heel and toes were drawn closer together. The process was then repeated from the beginning until the entire bandage had been applied. The foot of the young child was subjected to a coercive and unremitting pressure, for the object was not merely to confine the foot but to make the toes bend under and into the sole and bring the heel and sole as close together as physically possible.

A Christian missionary observed:

The flesh often became putrescent during the binding and portions sloughed off from the sole; sometimes one or more toes dropped off.

An elderly Chinese woman, as late as 1934, remembered vividly her experience:

Born into an old-fashioned family at P’ing-hsi, I was inflicted with the pain of footbinding when I was seven years old. I was an active child who liked to jump about, but from then on my free and optimistic nature vanished. Elder Sister endured the process from six to eight years of age [this means that it took Elder Sister two years to attain the 3-inch foot]. It was in the first lunar month of my seventh year that my ears were pierced and fitted with gold earrings. I was told that a girl had to suffer twice, through ear piercing and footbinding. Binding started in the second lunar month; mother consulted references in order to select an auspicious day for it. I wept and hid in a neighbor’s home, but Mother found me, scolded me, and dragged me home. She shut the bedroom door, boiled water, and from a box withdrew binding, shoes, knife, needle, and thread. I begged for a one-day postponement, but Mother refused: “Today is a lucky day, ” she said. “If bound today, your feet will never hurt; if bound tomorrow they will. ” She washed and placed alum on my feet and cut the toenails. She then bent my toes toward the plantar with a binding cloth ten feet long and two inches wide, doing the right foot first and then the left. She finished binding and ordered me to walk, but when I did the pain proved unbearable. That night, Mother wouldn’t let me remove the shoes. My feet felt on fire and I couldn’t sleep; Mother struck me for crying. On the following days, I tried to hide but was forced to walk on my feet. Mother hit me on my hands and feet for resisting. Beatings and curses were my lot for covertly loosening the wrappings. The feet were washed and rebound after three or four days, with alum added. After several months, all toes but the big one were pressed against the inner surface. Whenever I ate fish or freshly killed meat, my feet would swell, and the pus would drip. Mother criticized me for placing pressure on the heel in walking, saying that my feet would never assume a pretty shape. Mother would remove the bindings and wipe the blood and pus which dripped from my feet. She told me that only with the removal of the flesh could my feet become slender. If I mistakenly punctured a sore, the blood gushed like a stream. My somewhat fleshy big toes were bound with small pieces of cloth and forced upwards, to assume a new moon shape. Every two weeks, I changed to new shoes. Each new pair was one- to two-tenths of an inch smaller than the previous one. The shoes were unyielding, and it took pressure to get into them. Though I wanted to sit passively by the K’ang, Mother forced me to move around. After changing more than ten pairs of shoes, my feet were reduced to a little over four inches. I had been in binding for a month when my younger sister started; when no one was around, we would weep together. In summer, my feet smelled offensively because of pus and blood; in winter, my feet felt cold because of lack of circulation and hurt if they got too near the K'ang and were struck by warm air currents. Four of the toes were curled in like so many dead caterpillars; no outsider would ever have believed that they belonged to a human being. It took two years to achieve the three-inch model. My toenails pressed against the flesh like thin paper. The heavily-creased plantar couldn’t be scratched when it itched or soothed when it ached. My shanks were thin, my feet became humped, ugly, and odiferous; how I envied the natural-footed!

Bound feet were crippled and excruciatingly painful. The woman was actually “walking” on the outside of toes which had been bent under into the sole of the foot. The heel and instep of the foot resembled the sole and heel of a high-heeled boot. Hard callouses formed; toenails grew into the skin; the feet were pus-filled and bloody; circulation was virtually stopped. The foot-bound woman hobbled along, leaning on a cane, against a wall, against a servant. To keep her balance she took very short steps. She was actually falling with every step and catching herself with the next. Walking required tremendous exertion. Footbinding also distorted the natural lines of the female body. It caused the thighs and buttocks, which were always in a state of tension, to become somewhat swollen (which men called “voluptuous”). A curious belief developed among Chinese men that footbinding produced a most useful alteration of the vagina. A Chinese diplomat explained:

The smaller the woman’s foot, the more wondrous become the folds of the vagina. (There was the saying: the smaller the feet, the more intense the sex urge.) Therefore marriages in Ta-t’ung (where binding is most effective) often take place earlier than elsewhere. Women in other districts can produce these folds artificially, but the only way is by footbinding, which concentrates development in this one place. There consequently develop layer after layer (of folds within the vagina); those who have personally experienced this (in sexual intercourse) feel a super-natural exaltation. So the system of footbinding was not really oppressive.

Medical authorities confirm that physiologically footbinding had no effect whatsoever on the vagina, although it did distort the direction of the pelvis. The belief in the wondrous folds of the vagina of footbound woman was pure mass delusion, a projection of lust onto the feet, buttocks, and vagina of the crippled female. […] Bound feet, the same myth continues, “made the buttocks more sensual, [and] concentrated life-giving vapors on the upper part of the body, making the face more attractive.” If due to a breakdown in the flow of these “life-giving vapors, ” an ugly woman was foot-bound and still ugly, she need not despair, for an A-1 Golden Lotus could compensate for a C-3 face and figure. […]

The upper class bound the feet of their ladies with the utmost severity. The Lady, unable to walk, remained properly invisible in her boudoir, an ornament, weak and small, a testimony to the wealth and privilege of the man who could afford to keep her - to keep her idle. Doing no manual labor, she did not need her feet either. Only on the rarest of occasions was she allowed outside of the incarcerating walls of her home, and then only in a sedan chair behind heavy curtains. The lower a woman ’s class, the less could such idleness be supported: the larger the feet. The women who had to work for the economic survival of the family still had bound feet, but the bindings were looser, the feet bigger— after all, she had to be able to walk, even if slowly and with little balance. Footbinding was a visible brand. […]

Women were perverse and sinful, lewd and lascivious, if left to develop naturally. The Chinese believed that being born a woman was payment for evils committed in a previous life. Footbinding was designed to spare a woman the disaster of another such incarnation. […]

In arranging a marriage, a male’s parents inquired first about the prospective bride’s feet, then about her face. Those were her human, recognizable qualities. During the process of footbinding, mothers consoled their daughters by conjuring up the luscious marriage possibilities dependent on the beauty of the bound foot. Concubines for the Imperial harem were selected at tiny-oot festivals (forerunners of Miss America pageants). Rows upon rows of women sat on benches with their feet outstretched while audience and judges went along the aisles and commented on the size, shape, and decoration of foot and shoes. No one, however, was ever allowed to touch the merchandise. Women looked forward to these festivals, since they were allowed out of the house.

The sexual aesthetics, literally the art of love, of the bound foot was complex. The sexual attraction of the foot was based on its concealment and the mystery surrounding its development and care. The bindings were unwrapped and the feet were washed in the woman ’s boudoir, in the strictest privacy. […] The physical process of washing helped restore circulation. […] The rest of the body was never washed at the same time as the feet, for fear that one would become a pig in the next life. Well-bred women were supposed to die of shame if men observed them washing their feet. The foot consisted, after all, of smelly, rotted flesh. This was naturally not pleasing to the intruding male, a violation of his aesthetic sensibility. […]

When she entered her husband’s home for the first time, her feet were immediately examined by the whole family, neither praise nor sarcasm being withheld. […]

Certain feet were better than other feet, more beautiful. Perfect 3-inch form and utter uselessness were the distinguishing marks of the aristocratic foot. These concepts of beauty and status defined women: as ornaments, as sexual playthings, as sexual constructs. […] The natural-footed woman generated horror and repulsion in China. She was anathema, and all the forces of insult and contempt were used to obliterate her. Men said about bound feet and natural feet:

A tiny foot is proof of feminine goodness… Women who don’t bind their feet, look like men, for the tiny foot serves to show the differentiation… The tiny foot is soft and, when rubbed, leads to great excitement.… The graceful walk gives the beholder mixed feelings of compassion and pity… Natural feet are heavy and ponderous as they get into bed, but tiny feet lightly steal under the coverlets… The large-footed woman is careless about adornment, but the tiny-footed frequently wash and apply a variety of perfumed fragrances, enchanting all who come into their presence… The natural foot looks much less aesthetic in walking… Everyone welcomes the tiny foot, regarding its smallness as precious … Men formerly so craved it that its possessor achieved harmonious matrimony … Because of its diminutiveness, it gives rise to a variety of sensual pleasures and love feelings…

Thin, small, curved, soft, fragrant, weak, easily inflamed, passive to the point of being almost inanimate— this was footbound woman. […]

This fetish became the primary content of sexual experience for an entire culture for 1,000 years. The manipulation of the tiny foot was an indispensable prelude to all sexual experience. Manuals were written elaborating various techniques for holding and rubbing the Golden Lotus. Smelling the feet, chewing them, licking them, sucking them, all were sexually charged experiences. A woman with tiny feet was supposedly more easily maneuvered around in bed and this was no small advantage. Theft of shoes was commonplace. Women were forced to sew their shoes directly onto their bindings. Stolen shoes might be returned soaked in semen. Prostitutes would show their naked feet for a high price (there weren’t many streetwalkers in China). Drinking games using cups placed in the shoes of prostitutes or courtesans were favorite pastimes. […] Some men went to prostitutes to wash the tiny foot and eat its dirt, or to drink tea made from the washing water. Others wanted their penises manipulated by the feet. Superstition also had its place — there was a belief in the curative powers of the water in which tiny feet were washed. Lastly, footbinding was the soil in which sadism could grow and go unchecked —in which simple cruelty could transcend itself, without much effort, into atrocity. These are some typical horror stories of those times:

A stepmother or aunt in binding the child ’s foot was usually much harsher than the natural mother would have been. An old man was described who delighted in seeing his daughters weep as the binding was tightly applied… In one household, everyone had to bind. The main wife and concubines bound to the smallest degree, once morning and evening, and once before retiring. The husband and first wife strictly carried out foot inspections and whipped those guilty of having let the binding become loose. The sleeping shoes were so painfully small that the women had to ask the master to rub them in order to bring relief. Another rich man would flog his concubines on their tiny feet, one after another, until the blood flowed… about 1931… bound-foot women unable to Bee had been taken captive. The bandits, angered because of their captives’ weak way of walking and inability to keep in file, forced the women to remove the bindings and socks and run about barefoot. They cried out in pain and were unable to move on in spite of beatings. Each of the bandits grabbed a woman and forced her to dance about on a wide field covered with sharp rocks. The harshest treatment was meted out to prostitutes. Nails were driven through their hands and feet; they cried aloud for several days before expiring. One form of torture was to tie-up a woman so that her legs dangled in midair and place bricks around each toe, increasing the weight until the toes straightened out and eventually dropped off.

End of Footbinding

How could men idealize the bound feet of crippled women? How and why? The bound foot existed for 1,000 years. In what terms, using what measure, could one calculate the enormity of the crime, the dimensions of the transgression, the amount of cruelty and pain inherent in that 1,000-year herstory? In what terms, using what vocabulary, could one penetrate to the meaning, to the reality, of that 1,000-year herstory? […]

Here one sex mutilated (enslaved) the other in the interest of the art of sex, male-female harmony, role-definition, beauty. Consider the magnitude of the crime. Millions of women, over a period of 1,000 years, were brutally crippled, mutilated, in the name of erotica. Millions of human beings, over a period of 1,000 years, were brutally crippled, mutilated, in the name of beauty. Millions of men, over a period of 1,000 years, reveled in love-making devoted to the worship of the bound foot. Millions of men, over a period of 1,000 years, worshiped and adored the bound foot. […]

But this thousand-year period is only the tip of an awesome, fearful iceberg: an extreme and visible expression of romantic attitudes, processes, and values organically rooted in all cultures, then and now. It demonstrates that man’s love for woman, his sexual adoration of her, his human definition of her, his delight and pleasure in her, require her negation: physical crippling and psychological lobotomy. That is the very nature of romantic love, which is the love based on polar role definitions, manifest in herstory as well as in fiction —he glories in her agony, he adores her deformity, he annihilates her freedom, he will have her as sex object, even if he must destroy the bones in her feet to do it. Brutality, sadism, and oppression emerge as the substantive core of the romantic ethos. That ethos is the warp and woof of culture as we know it. Women should be beautiful. All repositories of cultural wisdom from King Solomon to King Hefner agree: women should be beautiful. It is the reverence for female beauty which informs the romantic ethos, gives it its energy and justification. Beauty is transformed into that golden ideal, Beauty — rapturous and abstract. Women must be beautiful and Woman is Beauty. Notions of beauty always incorporate the whole of a given societal structure, are crystallizations of its values. […]

Standards of beauty describe in precise terms the relationship that an individual will have to her own body. They prescribe her mobility, spontaneity, posture, gait, the uses to which she can put her body. They define precisely the dimensions of her physical freedom. And, of course, the relationship between physical freedom and psychological development, intellectual possibility, and creative potential is an umbilical one. In our culture, not one part of a woman’s body is left untouched, unaltered. No feature or extremity is spared the art, or pain, of improvement. Hair is dyed, lacquered, straightened, permanented; eyebrows are plucked, penciled, dyed; eyes are lined, mascaraed, shadowed; lashes are curled, or false — from head to toe, every feature of a woman’s face, every section of her body, is subject to modification, alteration. This alteration is an ongoing, repetitive process. It is vital to the economy, the major substance of male-female role differentiation, the most immediate physical and psychological reality of being a woman. From the age of 11 or 12 until she dies, a woman will spend a large part of her time, money, and energy on binding, plucking, painting, and deodorizing herself. […]

Pain is an essential part of the grooming process, and that is not accidental. Plucking the eyebrows, shaving under the arms, wearing a girdle, learning to walk in high-heeled shoes, having one’s nose fixed, straightening or curling one’s hair —these things hurt. The pain, of course, teaches an important lesson: no price is too great, no process too repulsive, no operation too painful for the woman who would be beautiful. The tolerance of pain and the romanticization of that tolerance begins here, in preadolescence, in socialization, and serves to prepare women for lives of childbearing, self-abnegation, and husband-pleasing. The adolescent experience of the “pain of being a woman” casts the feminine psyche into a masochistic mold and forces the adolescent to conform to a self-image which bases itself on mutilation of the body, pain happily suffered, and restricted physical mobility. It creates the masochistic personalities generally found in adult women: subservient, materialistic (since all value is placed on the body and its ornamentation), intellectually restricted, creatively impoverished.

- Andrea Dworkin, Woman Hating

#andrea dworkin #woman hating #feminism #intersectional feminism #radical feminism

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becuzitisbitter · 3 years

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All Cops Are Bad

The last of the essays i will be posting that I wrote for school, this one is an attempt at an approachable ACAB argument (my professor said that she was persuaded, at least)

There is an old slogan with roots at least as far back as the 1920’s and is yet becoming more and more popular across the globe today: “All coppers are bastards.” Of course, most people just say “cops” these days. The extensive history of the slogan might even make one stop to wonder why the police have been the object of such long-standing antagonism, if one isn’t the sort to grasp the slogan’s truth intuitively. The reality is that all cops really are bastards, not in a literal sense, of course, but in the derogatory usage which communicates despicability. The goal of this essay is to convince the reader that the police are bad and that policing should be done away with entirely. After all, the police present themselves as the vanguard of the state’s repressive urges and as the guarantors of an order defined by deprivation and violence.

Olivia B. Waxman, writing for Time Magazine, points to economic forces as dictating the development of the means and aims utilized by policing institutions in the U.S. She writes that businesses had already been hiring private security to protect the transport and storage of their property, and that, “These merchants came up with a way to save money by transferring to the cost of maintaining a police force to citizens by arguing that it was for the “collective good.” (Waxman) In other words, America’s first publicly funded police force was simply picking up after the work of private businesses to protect their own property, but with the cost foisted upon those who were being kept out. She continues this economic argument as she traces the lineage of the modern police force back to its forerunners in the Southern runaway slave patrols. She writes, “the economics that drove the creation of police forces were centered not on the protection of shipping interests but on the preservation of the slavery system”. Thus, the primary policing institutions in the South were the slave patrols, the first of which was formally established in 1704. (Waxman)

The police developed historically to enforce property rights rather than to ensure the wellbeing of the populace. If it is understood that white supremacy encodes human skin with either privilege or dispossession, it should be understood that, as Mariame Kaba writes in an opinion piece published by the New York Times, “when you see a police officer pressing his knee into a black man’s neck until he dies, that’s the logical result of policing in America. When a police officer brutalizes a black person, he is doing what he sees as his job.” (Kaba) Kaba is an organizer against criminalization and a self-described police abolitionist because she believes that “a ‘safe’ world is not one in which the police keep black and other marginalized people in check through threats of arrest, incarceration, violence and death.” The police, then, are not focused on creating a safe world. They are interested in preserving the world as it is, which demands a tacit defense of misogynistic and white supremacist institutions.

Regardless of personal attitudes or goals, the undeniable outcome of two hundred years of policing in America has been an uninterrupted avalanche of mostly arbitrary violence aimed at preserving the rule of law, that is, the sanctity of private property. In just the last year, the discourse about the role and place of police in our society has exploded with new questions and new ideas. What makes this conversation so powerful is that the police are considered so essential to the functioning of the modern world that the abolitionist movement must necessarily carry indictments on many other institutions and ways of relating that are bound-up with policing.

Of course, many readers will be quick to react defensively. Most disagreements with the argument presented here will take one of two forms: the claim that the argument over-generalizes police, and the claim that the police fill such an essential role that society couldn’t hope to provide an acceptable standard of life in their absence. Both will be addressed below.

The former argument comes in many varieties. One might even say, “It is unfair to judge such a large group by the actions of a few bad apples,” without being aware that they were reversing the meaning of the idiom they are attempting to make use of, which actually originated as “A rotten apple quickly infects its neighbor,” according to Ben Zimmer, who is a linguist and language columnist for The Wall Street Journal. (Cunningham) Regardless of the backwardness of this idiom, many would maintain that it is wrong to generalize police or stereotype their actions based on our perceptions of a few bad actors. Some police may abuse their power, or harbor prejudice, many readers would contend, but most police officers are decent people doing their best under difficult conditions. The truth, however, is that literally all cops bring about harm simply by doing the jobs that they signed up for. To go a step further, even if every police officer were to act in good faith, the task of maintaining a status quo defined by inequality would still force officers into the position of beating the cold, poor, and hungry back from the resources they need to live comfortably. This world of deprivation is not worth defending, and yet every cop has signed up to defend it. Some readers might still say that to pain the police with such a broad brush, is to commit an act of prejudice on par with the attitudes the police are criticized for, but they are grasping at straws. No one becomes a police officer by accident. By switching careers, they could avoid such judgement entirely. One wonders if they would feel the same about criticizing other groups which are entirely opt-in, such as MS-13 or the Taliban.

Could there ever be such a thing as a good cop? No. Here is one example that I think demonstrates a larger principle: even if a given police officer is a dedicated and educated anti-racist, the logistical deployment of police departments across the US places more officers in poor neighborhoods and communities of color than in wealthy or majority-white areas. This means that even the most kind-hearted police would be more likely to detain or arrest poor people and people of color than affluent whites. This is only one facet of a fundamentally unjust system. The development of police departments as racist and anti-working-class institutions across History means that they are structurally and institutionally racist and anti-working-class in the here and now. Police departments continue to defy reform because the problem is intentionally encoded into their purpose. They must be done away with entirely.

When a protestor or graffiti artist echoes the old slogan that, “All cops are bastards,” it is an expression of a tautology. Like the phrase “All triangles have three sides,” the slogan contains its own truth. All triangles have three sides because it is part of the definition of triangles to have three sides. We can’t even conceive of a triangle with four sides because by having four sides, it would cease to be a triangle. Despicability is written into the definition of policing because the aims of policing are themselves despicable. Any cop that ceased to work toward the aims of policing would cease to be deplorable, maybe, but he would also cease to be a cop as surely as a triangle with four sides would cease to be a triangle.

The second primary counter argument to criticism of the police is that the police are a necessary evil, essential to protecting us from a rousseauian war of all against all. This assumption that humanity could not get by without police seems silly, after all, the police are only a modern institution, hardly a blip in humanity’s story. It has already been shown that the police were not created to protect the average person from harm, but to protect private property rights. In any case, a counter argument from consequences is not the same as a refutation. One need not know the correct answer to a problem to recognize a wrong one. When asked, “What would you do with the psycho serial killers?” one should be unabashedly honest about not knowing the answer because there is no one answer. The answer to each problem can only be located in the context in which the problem occurs. This reflex to reach for a one-size-fits-all answer for all of life’s problems, along with its concomitant desire to preserve the tedious “peace” of the status quo, do a lot to explain the psychology of pro-police arguments.

Neither the means nor ends of policing are acceptable. The forces that shape and control our world, be they corporate or political, tower over us such that we only ever meet with their basest appendages. The police are their piggy-toes, pun-intended. Admittedly, the arguments presented here will be significantly weaker in the mind of anyone who really feels good about the state of the world which police maintain, however little is likely to be gained in dialogue with someone who could maintain a positive view of concentration camps, needless and ceaseless killings, the continuation of slave labor in the prison system, mass food-insecurity, etc.

It is incumbent upon each of us to improve the world around us. The police are an impediment to a better, safer, freer world. They are antithetical to equity, autonomy, and community; that is why all who fight too hard for a better life eventually find themselves faced with the police, one way or another. Nevertheless, while so much hangs in the balance, we can’t let the bastards get us down.

Works Cited

Olivia B. Waxman. “How the U.S. Got Its Police Force” Time Magazine, https://time.com/4779112/police-history-origins/ Published: 5/18/2017, Date of Access: 12/2/2020

Mariame Kaba. “Yes, We Mean Literally Abolish the Police” The New York Times, https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/12/opinion/sunday/floyd-abolish-defund-police.html Published: 6/12/2020, Date of Access: 12/2/2020

Malorie Cunningham. “'A few bad apples': Phrase describing rotten police officers used to have different meaning”

https://abcnews.go.com/US/bad-apples-phrase-describing-rotten-police-officers-meaning/story?id=71201096 Published: 6/14/2020, Date of Access: 12/2/2020

#school #homework #essay

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yea-no-thank-you-nope · 3 years

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The Philosophy of Dr. Stone

My intentions for this essay are not to try and persuade you into thinking Senku is an awful person and whoever thinks like this is selfish and childish. I’m very sorry if I did come across as that. I do believe Senku is right in some aspects like the whole “leveling the playing field” thing and the curiosity humans naturally have towards science. I just think that everyone should not be unpetrified, that there should be laws in place on science to make sure it’s not unnecessarily cruel or harmful, and that in this situation it would be better to try and rebuild humanity better than in the past. Both Senku and Tukasa are flawed in their way of thinking. Humanity cannot survive with only one in power, shaping the world to what they want.

Now I wanted to say this at the start but I absolutely love Dr. Stone, this essay is not a barrage of the story and how it’s garbage or anything or that anyone is. This is not an attack but an invitation to a discussion. I’m making this essay because I appreciate the story and think it is so incredibly interesting. This essay is constructive criticism so the story can be better and so people can discuss the topics and the opinions they have of them, basically just an excuse to make people talk about this awesome story. I also have not read the manga, I’ve only watched the anime so if you decide to respond please do it very vaguely. I’m fine if you talk about the new arguments brought up but not ok if you spoil the show so please be careful.

I’m going to begin with psychology because that’s my jam and I obsess over psychological topics and discussions. I am by no means a professional but I haven’t heard anyone point out or talk about the ideas and opinions I have, so I’ll just do it. The psychology in Dr. Stone is incredibly thought provoking and makes the audience take a close look at their society and the people around them. What would you do if all of humanity was turned to stone and when you wake up all evidence of humans has corroded away except for the statues of said people scattered everywhere? What would you do if the world was basically reset, including humanity? What would you do?

That in-and-of itself is exiting. It's fun to think of what you would do in such an radial situation. With that the audience can automatically empathies with the cast of characters and their versions of how they decide to handle the situation. Senku’s choice is to unpetrify everyone and bring humanity back to the modern age. This may be what most people would do, I don’t know for sure but I haven't heard a lot of people who actually disagree with his point of view so I’m just assuming. This is like the textbook, basic ideology a human could have. All humans have that basic instinct to save as many people as possible, it just makes sense. This and the fact that Senku is google reincarnated makes him the perfect protagonist for this story. People may not be able to empathies with a scheming scientific genius but they can empathies with his desire to save everyone just like in any other Shonen anime. It’s easy to think this way and it's understandable, but that doesn't mean it’s right.

On the other hand we have Tsukasa. He is, to put it simply, the complete opposite to Senku. He is still smart but is not a walking talking Alexa and is incredibly strong. He believes that they shouldn't bring back everyone and instead pick and choose who to unpetrify. He thinks that bringing back humanity to the way it was will only cause destruction, war, power imbalances, and greed. Now you may call this a “hot take” but I came across some misunderstandings on Tsukasa’s stand. He does not disagree with science, he disagrees with Senku. He does not think that science itself is the root of all human evil, he thinks humans are. Now you may be asking “How do you know that for sure?”, well, why would he compliment Senku on his knowledge of science if he hates it? The only time I can remember him saying anything bad about science is when he was talking about guns, bombs, and other weapons of mass destruction. But it’s clear that he only brought that up to persuade Senku in not reviving the greedy and the ones who will use them to oppress and kill others. Again, just like with Senku, the audience can sympathize and understand this character and their actions. No one wants to see another in pain and surely does want anyone to die, they want to save everyone.

Senku and Tsukasa are on the absolute opposite side of each other but are still on the same coin. They both want the best for humanity but have 2 conflicting viewpoints. Now it would be incredibly easy to just pick a side and argue for that side and why it’s right but I don’t think people see that both of those are very flawed ideals and although in theory they could work, in practice both of them fall apart. If Senku gets his way and everyone is revived and basically back to the way the world was, humanity will get right back on track to the destruction of the world. We were already on that track before the petrification. Scientists predict that 2050 is basically the doomsday year. In 2050 there will not be enough food to feed us all due to overpopulation and global warming is getting worse and worse by the second. If we don’t take drastic steps to stop it then the world is on track towards an early ice age and even the destruction of the entire planet. But in this universe that exact thing happened (the drastic steps not the destruction of the world). With all of humanity frozen in an instant all pollution creation stopped, the furnaces burning coal died out, and over hunting/ over deforestation ceased in an instant. I’m not a professional scientist so I don’t know if 3,000 years is actually enough time for the world to completely reset but I do know that with the sudden halt on human activity could allow the earth to completely heal.

So the issue with Senku’s viewpoint seems to be that he viewed the modern age as a utopia of sorts which makes sense, it’s the peak of science and he loves science. Senku was born physically weak and preferred to use his brain over his muscles. He viewed science as a way to “level the playing field”, and he’s not wrong. It definitely levels the playing field but that’s only if they have access to it, it does not work if the people who don’t need it are the only ones who can have it. In primitive society (I’m mainly going to focus on Native American culture and history because that’s the one I know the most) many people were born with deformities or any other phenomenon that now-a-days is seen as a disability, but they were just as important as anyone else in the group. Back then it didn’t matter. Yes you were more likely to be killed or die by natural occurrences but not by other people. By eliminating the dangers of nature, people shift their hatred onto other people. This is exactly the reason that in so many stories 2 opposing groups come together to defeat a common enemy. That's where the phrase “the enemy of my enemy is my friend”. Now to be fair the show never really touches on the topic of nature being dangerous, it always seems to just be humans. It only ever sturs away from this in situations like the acid lake that gives off toxic fumes, but the show doesn't really want to focus on that aspect, which is fine, if they want to tell a story about the people then they can, I mean that's what I’m writing about now.

Senku wants to bring back everyone because he knows that that is the fastest way to create all the technology. If you remember from before I touched briefly on how the world was going to shit was in part due to overpopulation. I think you know where I’m going with this. Even with the earth reset and nature covering all, that is still not going to be enough food for all of them. It has already been proven that there is no way to sustain this large of a human population. The reason we are not all dying of starvation right now is because most of the food produced can barley be considered food at all, the other food is genetically altered, and it all goes to only one group of people. You see, when I asked “why are we not starving to death” I was technically lying, we are. Not counting the small percentage of the population that can afford all the food, we are starving to death, and it is by our own hands. The world we live in today is not a utopia. Yes we have science that can save lives but those are made by the countless deaths of rats, monkeys, and so many other animals we use as “lab rats”.

I’m not saying all this to make you feel bad, I’m bringing it up to try and explain why what Senku is doing terrifies me. I couldn’t imagine how it would feel to wake up to a fresh new start on life only to find out someone wants to rebuild it all again. He is not learning from history, he is repeating it. That is why Senku’s idea of what he wants the world to be is great on paper but crumbles apart when put into practice.

I have also heard that the reason Senku wants to bring back the modern age is because he just wants to go to space, making it a selfish act on his part. I thought this was incredibly interesting and relatable and really made me look at his character differently. This would be another way of thinking about the petrifying if humanity, some would see it as this horrible event that ruined their lives and again, this makes sense. All Senku ever wanted to do was go to space. That’s why he learned science in the first place. He spent his entire life working towards that goal and right when he could have had it, it disappeared. I don't blame him for wanting everything to go back to where it was and now I really want to see if this is addressed or challenged in the story. I want to see Senku come to terms with this and finally get closure, not only on the situation but also his dad. Basically I just want him to cry god dammit! Let him cry! Let him be healthy and accept his emotions!

Speaking of emotions, it’s well known that he hides his and if you have been screaming at me about that fact, I know. I understand that until this point I may have been portraying Senku as this selfish greedy and mean person who doesn't care about humanity at all and I’m sorry if it did. That description does not fit him at all. It’s subtle but when you see it you can’t unsee it. As mentioned before he was born very weak and so couldn’t really protect himself from others, this is by no means a disability but close enough to where he can understand the pain and struggles that people who are disabled face. When he made glasses for the 2 villagers he stated that science levels the playing field. That little interaction reveals that he does care about helping other people and hoping to fix their problems with science. He also further elaborated on his idea with Magma when they were mining. He stated that everyone has a job to do and neither job is better than the other. This shows his understanding of everyone's roles and how, as a species, to thrive we must all work together. This further drills home the point to me that it’s not that Senku is stupid or that he doesn’t care about humanity but that his still a little kid who never really had to go through or see the awful and corrupt side of the world. I hate using this word because I feel like it’s used too much but by all intents and purposes, Senku is privileged. He only seems to know the science of today as this life saving, world altering and fundamentally good concept, not the steps in which it took to get there, how many lives and dead ecosystems it took to get where we are today, and what we are still doing. Don’t forget about the whole global warming thing, mass deforestation, and pollution.

I am going to give 2 examples of how science can be cruel and how it doesn't need to be. I’m going to get into deep stuff here so it’s ok if you skip it. I’m talking about slavery and the experimentation of animals. Do you remember when the U.S.A was tearing down statues? One of them (I don’t know if it was torn down. I just know that it’s in front of a university and people wanted it gone) was a statue of a man who progressed the field of medicine and healthcare immensely, but did so at the expense of specifically black women. He believed that they were incapable of feeling pain and so performed many horrific surgeries and tests on them with no pain killer. Yes he greatly furthered the field of healthcare, but that doesn't make it right and especially not humane. He should not and did not need to do that. We would figure it out on our own. Sure it would probably take a lot more time but that doesn't justify the actions of that man. The other example is an ongoing process that is still in practice today, the experimentation of animals. If you don’t know, before a beauty product or medicine of some sort can enter the market it needs to be checked by the government to see if it is safe for us to use. So companies use monkeys and other animals to test their product on. It is horrific. The scientists treat those animals with no respect or care for the lives of them. It is unnecessary and cruel. We would figure it out on our own. Sure, it probably would take longer, but that doesn't make it right. It’s an excuse.

Senku doesn't seem to know this seeing as how he basically learned everything from scratch with experiments. That’s why I’m saying Senku is naïve and not a cruel monster who doesn't care who gets hurt, as long as it satisfies his curiosity and expands the field of science. I do hope that later down the line the story confronts that fact and we see first hand that he is not willing to do whatever it takes to go back to modern civilization as much he wants us to believe. I want to see him come to terms with this and decide that, with everything, there are rules and boundaries. This is also why I keep harping back to how I want to see this explored in the story. Senku clearly wants to help humanity and cares for others. He has morals and so has boundaries. I want to see him pushed to the edge, to see just how far he will go in the name of science and for the bettering of humanity. At the end of the day he is still human, everyone is.

Tukasa’s turn! The issue with Tukasa’s view point is simply because he thinks all young people are good people. This is not true. Old people can be good and bad. Adults can be good and bad. Children can be good and bad. It all depends on the person. This is not even mentioning the fact that children can not raise other children. No matter how wise Tukasa is for his age, he can not raise children (and yes teenagers count as children). There's a reason why in every culture all 3 stages of life serve a purpose and depend on each other, one cannot live without the other. He needs good people, not young people to restart humanity.

At first I saw it unfair and one sided how the story constantly depicted Tukasa as an evil person and that he is a tyrant. This was until it was pointed out to me that the reason for that is because Senku is the main character so the audience sees through his perspective, so if he sees Tukasa as evil, the audience will too. Even with that I understand why people will not like Tukasa and so in extension not listen to his argument. I want to give him a chance because he, and by extension the people like him, deserve it. I understand why people don’t though. He smashes the statues of people because he genuinely believes that all are bad and so takes action to protect others, just like Senku who seemed ready to kill Tukasa with the crossbow he made and the gun he was going to use on him, they both thought what they were doing was right. This does not excuse either of their actions, no one to be clear can use this as an excuse, I still want to bring up a fact that I personally think people forget (including myself). The show is set in a post-apocalyptic world. Yes, characters can unpetrify other characters but some are too far gone. In the background we see statues missing limbs and body parts. I was actually surprised and skeptical when it was shown that there were so many perfectly intaced statues Tukasa was able to find. They must be made out of harder rock than I thought. Either way, I know people can survive without certain body parts and I’m not saying they can't. It's just as far as we know, if they attempt to unpetrify someone missing a body part (especially if it’s a leg) they might bleed out instantly and without all the proper equipment needed. Or will the stone heal the stump? If so what if they find the missing part later? Can they reattach it? Can they attach body parts from other people and unpetrify them? What would happen? Would the stone merge the parts together or reject it? The stone is explicitly stated to have healing properties so what would happen? It’s still too early to know and with knowing that information comes from human experimentation and could lead to many lives lost. It was ok with the birds because they were small and still intaced so there was no danger. The point that I’m getting to is that the line is incredibly blurred and the drastic life-and-death situation everyone is in, I wouldn't jump to say Tukasa is a monster. He may be killing people or they could have been dead in the first place, not to mention like I said before it would be impractical and deadly to revive every human being on planet Earth.

This is why I think Tukasa’s plan is flawed. He is only one person and so is limited in his ideas. He thinks that only the young are good people and if only the characters would actually TALK to each other then both of them could see the flaws and work together instead of jumping to conclusions. I hope now that Senku and Tukasa are friends of sorts that they finally get to do that but again, I don’t know I have not read the manga.

I have also heard (mainly from video essays on YouTube) that, uncoincidentally, people think that Tukasa’s ideals are naïve when I think Senku’s is. I find it amazing that both of us thought the same thing but of the opposite philosophy. The opinions they expressed made me realize something. Because humanity discovered science, it will do so again and again. While I thought it was naïve to simply return to the way things were and not carry any of the emotional baggage needed to at least try and better humanity and learn from the past, someone else thought that it was futile to hinder the scientific process of humanity and go back to hunter-and-gatherers. I did disagree with some things they said, that is to be expected, but I also realized that that is what we have been doing since as far back as the history books go. It was called different names but the idea is still the same. We try to make sense of the world around us. In cultures across the world gods represented the natural world and phenomenon that occurred, it was just by a different name. Those religions and science try to explain the world around them. Why does corn grow? Quetzalcoatl makes them grow. Chlorophyll provides the nutrients necessary to sustain the plant and make it grow by Photosynthesis. Why does it snow? Frau Hole shakes her sheets and some feathers fall out, causing snow. With the evaporation of water leaves the gaseous form in the sky and if it gets cold enough will freeze and fall. It’s all the same thing. Humans are curious by nature and will always be.

The things that I disagreed with was that they didn’t really seem to think that science can coexist with nature, like it’s either one or the other. They explain that Tukasa believes humanity should be more naturalistic but also calls him stupid. I understand his side in thinking there is no way to revert back to being hunter-gatherers and that no matter what, over time people will rediscover science so the effort is futile. What I don’t seem to understand is why we can’t have both? It might seem naïve at first considering everyone only knows a society of science that destroys the world for progress but with a world altering event like the one in the story and a good leader to boot, it is absolutely possible. The world has already changed so much so I don’t see why people wouldn't (not talking about those greedy people and politicians, I’m talking about the average human being). It just seems so cynical of humanity as a whole to give up before even trying. I understand we are all depressed but still. It’s no excuse not to try.

My ideas for what they can do is to live both with nature and science. First set up rules and laws. Everyone can pitch in to create them and vote on which ones should be reinforced so that not one person has too much power and so the people collectively can understand the importance of those laws. Everyone can choose their job to do like black smithing, building, hunting, sewing and other jobs that are needed. With that they can either choose to have a form of currency or not but under no circumstances is anyone allowed to own land. The land is for everyone and the resources are to be shared accordingly. With the issue of the statues, it could be voted on who can be unpetrified. This way we don’t raise the issue with Tukasa and Senku. One thought too narrow minded and the other was too broad. With the voting system everyone gets to assess the needs of the society as a whole and if the person unpetrified turns out to be bad, the blame would not fall on one person but everyone. This eliminates one person having too much power and subsequently the people would not revolt and kick them out of power, putting another in their place and the cycle starts anew. There can still be science, there will just be restrictions on what is acceptable to do or not.

I understand the flaws in my ideas. I know that making everyone agree to certain things is incredibly hard especially when there's no way anyone can really stop people from doing what they want. There is no government already put in place. They need to build one from scratch and make it so that everyone is down with it and will follow it. I also understand that people can be lazy and not know what they want. Some people will choose to be lazy and either not do their job or choose a job that is specifically lazy in nature. People also probably don’t know what job they want to perform, this is especially prevalent in the young. People could also fight over who will be revived. I know many people, including myself, who have people in their life that they love but are not good people or who will probably not survive in the new world. I mean who’s going to tell Becky that we all know she loves her grandfather but he’s racist, a known sex offender, and already has a diet of 20 hamburgers and 50 Gatorades, there is no way we can provide that much food, we don’t even know if he’ll eat it considering he’s use to junk food and we just reinvented bread a week ago. It tastes awful and the bakers are trying their best but no one can make 50 Gatorades . No one sure as hell wants a sex offender or racist around either.

If you want to use my essay in a video or something you are welcome to as long as you credit me. If you want to respond or just talk about this topic feel free to, this is a discussion, not an argument.

#Dr. Stone #drst #dr stone #drs #essay #philosophy #tukasa #senku #senku ishigami

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dropintomanga · 4 years

Text

Demon Slayer and My Hero Academia - 2 Sides of the Same Coin?

Whenever you hear about Koyoharu Gotoge’s Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba, you tend to hear about the records the series has smashed in Japan since the anime adaptation aired. From taking over entire top 20 Oricon manga charts to being one of Japan’s most highly grossed movies ever to influencing political campaigns, Demon Slayer is a once-in-a-lifetime hit that captivated an entire nation. (Oh, and Gotoge is the 1st mangaka ever selected for the Time 100 Next list)

However, outside of Japan, Demon Slayer isn’t as popular as one of its other Shonen Jump brethren, Kohei Horikoshi’s My Hero Academia. Demon Slayer still sells well and fans love the series over here in The United States, but manga sales charts are filled with more My Hero Academia volumes than Demon Slayer volumes.

I’ve been thinking about both series’ popularity in the context of the East versus West dynamic.

As cultural experts will tell you, Western principles are built on a sense of individualism. You deserve the freedom to choose your own path. You can make it on your own. No one should get in the way of what you want. Eastern principles are all about collectivism. Make sacrifices for the prosperity of the group. Don’t do anything that hurts other people around you. The world doesn’t revolve around you.

When I think about My Hero Academia, it makes sense that Western fans love it a bit/lot more than Demon Slayer. We all want to be heroes of our story. We want to be more than who we are. It’s about youth who are focusing on their own growth and getting away from their comfort zones to find new opportunities to become stronger.

Demon Slayer isn’t about being a hero. It’s about a guy who wanted to make his demon sister human again. He’s not interested in being the absolute best to save the world. While saving Japan ends up being a consequence of his actions, family is what’s important to main lead Tanjiro Kamado. Also, superheroes aren’t nearly as popular in Japan compared to here (with the exception of Spider-Man).

There was a book I read, Amaia Arrazola’s Tokyo Travel Sketchbook, that briefly discussed the Japanese conventional idea about family. Post-WWII, Japan promoted the idea that it was going to take women to stay home and take care of the home life while the men went out to be the breadwinners. Japan had to, since it had to take everyone together to rebuild the country. However, after the real estate bubble of the 1980s’ was burst, the idea of family being the center really fell apart as Japanese men lost their status as breadwinners due to jobs being finite and gone.

I also remember reading about the history of Western influence in Japan. There’s been a bunch of debate about whether Japan truly embraced Western ideals. To be fair, a lot of voices that claim Western influence being high in non-Western countries tend to be Westerners themselves. Japanese voices on Western ideals may have been been misunderstood in the first place. Demon Slayer takes place during a time of transition where modernity was growing in Japan, while My Hero Academia uses the Western love of comic book superheroes as its basis for its story.

When I think about Demon Slayer and My Hero Academia’s popularities in different parts of the world, it’s perhaps the Western vs. Eastern view of how striving for new opportunities often means loss of community. In My Hero Academia, we do see the psychological effects of bad family influence due to the relentless pursuit of status in a modern world. I saw this mostly early on with Shoto Todoroki (this is being explored even further with the rest of his family as of this writing) and much later in the series with Tomura Shigaraki’s past being revealed.

I noticed that a lot of things are blamed on bad parenting (especially in Western culture). A lot of psychological help does suggest that the family has a big role in influencing a child’s development. However, are they to blame for everything? Outside factors, like social inequality, do play a role. Endeavor, the father of Shoto and top 2 hero at the time, had to deal with so much perceived inequality (i.e. being compared to All Might) that it drove him to abuse his own family. When Deku told Shoto that that his power was his alone regardless of his upbringing, Shoto saw that he was in a place of equality since he was in a supporting environment among his peers compared to his dad. He’s started to understand how life experiences with other people and circumstances can change someone for better or worse as he reluctantly re-connects with Endeavor (who’s trying to redeem himself).

With Demon Slayer, there’s the infamous Spider Family arc, where the villain, Rui, created a fake family in order to fill a void in their life as a demon. Rui ends up abusing their “family” to drive their superiority. They killed their parents at a young age while they were still human due to a fear of not being loved by them. The whole point of the arc was that everyone deserves some kind of loving family in their life. It’s hard to get through life by yourself even when you’re an independent spirit. I do feel though that certain relationships with family members/friends should be cut off if they are abusive like the case with Rui’s. There’s even more stories similar to this with the rest of the Twelve Moon demons (especially another family-related one with the arc that will be featured in Season 2 of the anime, which I might discuss later this year).

My Hero Academia is about moving forward with some reflection. Strive to be a hero of your life. Don’t think of the consequences as long as you’re saving innocent lives. Demon Slayer is also about moving forward, but remembering that there are points in your life where you need authentic connection and that bad people are still human beings who just feel disconnected from the world.

It also feels like both series address the issue of what connection-seeking traditions to pass on to newer generations that feel family/friendship seem lacking today. In My Hero Academia, there’s All for One’s desires to have successors to pass on his Quirk to even if they are dangerous. In Demon Slayer, there’s Kagaya Ubuyashiki, leader of the Demon Slayer Corps, who wanted to end his family’s curse and realizing over time that demons who wanted to fight back (like Tanjiro’s sister, Nezuko) against Muzan Kibutsuji should live. As someone who’s a Chinese-American, I've thought about what I could pass on as my culture has millennia of history and it does feel like age-old traditions/rituals are being passed over for materialistic convenience.

I do think it comes down to whether we pass on values or beliefs. Beliefs are basically “What’s good? What’s bad? This is real to me even if it’s not to anyone else!” There’s way too much emphasis on them. Beliefs tend to be very binary because people are often more than just their beliefs. Values are just abstract rules to everyday life and don’t involve personal beliefs. I feel like not enough emphasis is focused on values. For example, things like compassion and respect are values, not beliefs. I had to embrace what values I had to finally grow as a person because some of the beliefs I held to in my mind were hurting me.

Demon Slayer leans more toward appreciating values (usually ones that appeal to the Japanese mindset) due to Tanjiro’s personality, although My Hero Academia is a mix of appreciating both beliefs and values. While I do wish that “values > beliefs”, My Hero Academia does have some good insight on how beliefs can shape/warp values for both sides.

Both series take a look at the tension between family and the self in their own ways. It’s much more so with Demon Slayer due to how much the concept of family was important in the growth of Japan in the past. I think we can agree that while there are cultural differences in handling it, the idea of family is lost on both sides of the world. American and Japanese cultures aren’t very tolerate of “gray zones” (i.e. illegal immigrants who have families, sex workers who have families, etc.) and want life to be more black or white. That’s why many fans who don’t feel accepted for who they are look to other outlets for some kind of family that will accept them.

Healthy families of all kinds lead to stronger communities that in turn lead to a better world for everyone. I sometimes feel that modernity does family no favors. It’s fine to grow, but constant growth without self-reflection becomes harmful. Plus, family always comes back to affect you one way or another. You can’t ever fully get away from family as they’re the starting point to everyone’s life.

The only thing I can say is accept that your family/community, good and/or bad, is a part of your identity when you have conflicting thoughts and then take it from there. Denying that is just like trying to hide all your problems instead of dealing with them. It never ends well.

Blood is thicker than water and as both Demon Slayer and My Hero Academia show, when it’s shed, it can lead to disastrous consequences - both individually and collectively.

#My Hero Academia #psychology of heroes #mental health #superheroes #Demon Slayer #psychology of family #manga #anime #individualism #collectivism

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chorusnihili · 3 years

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what is wd gasters past

"A rather broad and invasive question, I'd say, but I suppose I can give you the rundown."

"I was born on the surface while tensions were already high, enough that my parents, assuming that I had them, were gone before I had a chance to remember them. I was mostly raised by a mismatch village of monsters; well-cared for, not the only one that didn't have a specific home."

"I didn't miss living on the surface and never wished to return there, quite frankly. The only thing that made it worth living there is that in my final few years there, I did have something close to an adoptive parent. Who, unfortunately, chose death over leaving their home."

"A lot of monsters like to paint the underground as this hellish, soul-sucking fate worth than death. Personally I never found it that bad. I suppose I never was the type to feel wanderlust or anything of the sort. I was happy merely knowing we were safe and humanity likely had no interest in pursuing us."

"So I dedicated most of my life to making the Underground as good a place as possible. Anything that could make life more bearable. Try to cheer up those affected the worst by the change. During this time, a lot of monsters took up psychology; you can find a lot of studies on stress, despair, and trauma written during this time; techniques for coping and helping loved ones, many of which still hold up to this day."

"Unfortunately given the fact that communication has always been a hassle to me, it ultimately wasn't a field of study that suited me well, although I've been told I'm a good listener."

"So my attention broke from such studies to poking around the world about me. Much of the underground was new and needed to be explored and understood, and, what can I say, I was young and ready to believe that magic could do anything. Except, maybe, restore my eyesight. Heh."

"The migration through the underground was relatively linear. The forests of Home, the snowy landscapes of Snowdin, the rainy marsh of Waterfall, the deep caves of Hotland, and finally, the empty caves of New Home. But New Home was the end. The final stop. Assuming a vaguely dome-shaped barrier forming to the shape of the mountain, we had found it on all sides; the entrance at Home, the exit at New Home, the presumably small entries in Waterfall that human trash falls through, the tunnels in Hotland that the lava flows through. We reached the end; there was nowhere else to go."

"Monsters began to fan out, build permanent civilizations. Asgore and Toriel chose to build their castle and kingdom right on the cusp of the barrier; why, I'm not entirely sure. Perhaps it was meaningful, to them. A sign of having conquered the humans, something to put them at ease. I never asked, it never seemed appropriate."

"Although many monsters seemed disappointed that there was nowhere else to go, I found a sense of satisfaction from it. We had discovered everything; there was nothing else that might creep out from the shadows. We had an understanding of the world we now lived in, a map from top to bottom, left to right. And now, all we had to do was reshape it into the world we wanted it to be."

"Much of my early life was uneventful. I spent a lot of time in theoretical research, interested in the topics of how and why magic worked, but specifically, the interaction of two magical forces. Why some attacks seemed to be so devastating and others seemed to do no damage at all. A spent a fair amount of years analyzing magic, categorizing it, writing formulae for the so called Stats, for LOVE, EXP, HP, ATK, DEF, INV, et cetera, et cetera. Frankly, the field is incomplete; close enough for most situations, I think, but not perfect. I found it wasteful to continue efforts on it. I believe that the main goal of science is to improve life; if the science cannot be applied to do so, then I do not see the point in continuing it.”

“My studies were broad and varied. Sometimes I’d dip into the health sciences, sometimes I’d dip into architecture. I’d do odd favors for people, look into anything that caught my interest, sometimes even take up tasks for the King himself; ones of minor interest that he didn’t want to bother the Royal Scientist with.”

“But, the focal point of my studies always came back to energy. What could we do with it? How can we harness it? All monsters are made up of energy, of magic, it’s inherent to our souls, the way we express ourselves, even our body is made of magic, turns into magical dust due to a complicated chemical reaction when HP is depleted.”

“This, of course, lead to my most famous accomplishment. The idea of using magic to power things had been around forever, before recorded history. But there was always a mage or monster involved, directly or indirectly powering the thing in question. I sought to cut out the intentional casting of a spell to induce power. After all, this entire Underground was full of ambient magic; from previous spells, simply from Monsters existing; recycled, reused, breathed in and out, baked into food and released again: Why couldn’t the world itself power things?”

“It turned out to be more complicated than expected; failure after failure taught me that it simply wasn’t feasible to use magic without a soul casting it. But, we found another way--and to be fair, it wasn’t exactly an idea so much as exploratory research, but research with very promising results. Promising enough to earn me another scar on my face, heh. Had one of the other scientists not pulled me out of the way, I might have been destroyed by the CORE before the CORE was even a thing.”

“Nonetheless I was far from discouraged. I was actually very ecstatic. Enough so that Asgore had a very hard time calming me down and getting me to explain what had happened and why I had a new crack down my face.”

“I started work on the CORE immediately. Sketching out blueprints and gathering people to start building the skeletal structure of the building while I put together the intricacies of the mechanism that would create and convert pure energy that could be harnessed and used for whatever purposes we desired. It took a very long time, but it’s no doubt one of my greatest creations. Asgore asked me to take up the position of Royal Scientist not long after. I accepted, of course, I wouldn’t think of declining, but it was a very strange thing to me.”

“It wasn’t long after that when the human child arrived. I remember hearing about it, one of the other scientists telling me that Asriel had chosen to keep the child. Keep the child, I had thought, like a pet, like a person would choose to keep a dog or a cat. I thought it frankly ridiculous, but having the human child around brought a new era of hope to the kingdom and, I, ... couldn’t resist being pulled along. I personally thought that the idea of peace between humans and monsters was ridiculous, but it was such a pleasant idea and the people were so happy...”

“Of course, it didn’t last. In a single night, both the human child and Asriel had passed away. The duo had broken through the barrier, only to seal their own deaths. It was a travesty. A whirlwind of horrors, one after another. The devastation, the despair--it was unlike anything I had ever experienced, even when humanity had first sealed us underground. At least then, we had the relief of peace. Now, we had nothing.”

“The King declared war on humanity.”

“It was a dark time.”

“The peaceful life I had was replaced by one of fear and anxiety. I knew what humans were capable of. I lived through it, I wore the mark of their hostility on my skull--and Asgore wanted to willingly throw us back into that over revenge? We wouldn’t survive. There was no way we’d survive. But if there was any chance of giving us any sort of fighting chance, I was going to find it.”

“My research turned from finding ways to make the underground better to combat. Once again, energy proved to be my friend. I revisited old research about LOVE and EXP and ATK and DEF--and wrote up a hypothesis about another state. ITK. Intent to Kill. Unlike LOVE and EXP, which are slowly, solely increasing values, ITK rapidly fluctuates and acts as a modifier on attack. Even a soul with a LOVE of 1 can do an extreme amount of damage if they, in a particular moment, are filled with the desire to kill the one they are striking.”

“Monsters aren’t made for war. In general, monsters aren’t made for hurting each other. It’s one of the many reasons we were slaughtered so mercilessly. So I created a ... weapon. That could circumvent that weakness. The ITK Blasters, as I called them, could take even the smallest ITK and multiply it to do horrific damage.”

“I did other research on the topic as well. How to convert HP into a temporary boost of ATK. With these two advancements...even a monster as relatively weak as I am could be incredibly strong.”

“I wanted to perfect the techniques before I tried teaching them to anyone. But, such things never came to pass. Asgore lost his will to continue seeking war. He knew that he had only declared war in a fit of rage and to give his people hope. So rather than continue killing, he wanted to find a different way to bring everyone hope. He wanted to find a way to break the barrier without anymore bloodshed. He asked me to research the human souls.”

“...”

“I wanted no parts of it. We got into a ... rather nasty fight. I said a lot of things I regret. I called him a coward for bending to the will of his people instead of doing what was right. I told him that any attempt to breach the barrier would result in the complete extinction of our species. I told him that it was his job as king to protect us, not lead us to our death.”

“I was angry and afraid, and I took it out on the wrong monster.”

“It’s about at this point that you really cannot understand my history without a basic understanding of how time flows. I’ll spare you the lecture of multiple timelines and parallel realities, but at the very least, you must understand that the flow of time is... well, it is inherently linear, but, consider it like a... I want to say a Turing Machine. Or perhaps, a VHS Tape. The same segments can be replayed again and again, can be overwritten, can change from iteration to iteration.”

“So the fact that Asgore died in this timeline...and is still alive in the current timeline...it may at first seem contradictory, but it is not, I assure you.”

“Asgore’s death hit the Underground hard. Undyne took over as Queen, but the knowledge that the last remaining member of the Royal Family was gone still loomed over everyone’s heads. Undyne was more determined than Asgore ever was to free the monsters and I felt like there was nothing I could do.”

“So...There was little I did. I was overwhelmed with grief and hatred. I kept at the research. I honed the abilities, again and again and again. I drove myself to exhaustion, I isolated myself. I barely slept and ate. I neglected my duties and while the others understood I was grieving, it eventually got to the point that Queen Undyne delivered the ultimatum that I had to either get my act together or surrender my position as Royal Scientist. I resigned without any argument.”

“Much of the time is a blur. Most of my studies and research done with poor practices and hardly documented. The research that lead to me creating Sans falls into this. I wished to know if...

“Of course, two monsters can create another soul. This much is obvious, monsters reproduce on a regular basis, enough that in the modern day, there’s an ongoing population crisis for monsters that need certain environments. But I wanted to know if ... a monster, could theoretically, singularly donate a portion of their soul and create another living monster out of it.”

“This is probably a piece of research that very much fits the criteria of not stopping to think whether or not I should try to do so.”

“It required extracting part of my soul. Which, to do so without killing the monster, requires a massive power source...luckily, or unluckily, I had the entire CORE at my disposal. So I constructed a machine that could, indeed, extract part of my soul. What resulted was the most painful experience of my life and left me comatose for six months. It’s also the cause of the circular scars in my palms.”

“I hadn’t intended to extract two pieces of my soul, but, it happened, whether through oversight or simply as a matter of how the procedure was carried out. I used the smaller piece to create Sans; intending to keep the larger piece for further study. I destroyed everything used in the experiment afterwards. I felt it was something that no monster should have the power to do.”

“That’s not to say I regret creating them. I don’t, and nothing will ever change that opinion, even knowing some of the terrible things they’ve done in other timelines. But I do regret the methods that lead to their creation.”

“I don’t know why Sans is so weak. And I resisted the urge to try to figure it out. There’s a fine line between a healthy interest in your child’s health and treating them as a science experiment, and I ... wanted to stay as far away as possible from that line. He’s fine the way he is. He doesn’t need to be fixed.”

“That didn’t stop me from using the second piece of my soul to create Papyrus to look after him, though. Or teaching him magic to the best of my ability, even teaching him how to use the Gaster Blasters.”

“Having them...helped. A lot. I won’t say whether I was very good at it, but I enjoyed being a father very much. The grief was still heavy, but I was able to start returning to a somewhat normal life, and even start following what was going on in the Underground again. I learned of Doctor Alphys’s research on the human souls, and though I personally disagreed with it... decided to look into it in Asgore’s honor.”

“My immediate thought was that her ideas about Determination could mesh well with my previous research about soul extraction, albeit with a few modifications--although I had destroyed the equipment I used for the process, I remembered it well enough. So I got to work on a theoretical DT Extractor; but the further I got with it, the more horrified I became.”

“I simply couldn’t tolerate the idea of it. Humans or not, already dead or not--the mere idea of extracting the literal lifeforce out of a soul... No. It was not a process I would condone.”

“I had just finalized my decision to destroy the blueprints when I fell.”

“It was... a laughably simple mistake, really. The CORE is designed to rearrange itself to prevent the wear from the heat from causing too much damage in any one area. The doors pneumatically seal themselves to prevent egress during this time but... I was simply too distracted by the blueprints and I opened the door, and walked through anyways.”

“There were no further safeguards. There was nothing I could do to save myself. It was over before I had a chance.”

“...”

“I don’t regularly talk about my time in the void. Not because doing so bothers me, but because it’s simply... indescribable. When I awoke, I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. There was no me, but my consciousness existed. I could see and hear thousands of timelines at once, as if I was standing in an arena, with each and every seat filled with a television playing a different movie. A jumbling mess of information.”

“I have no idea how long I was there for. It was like learning to exist all over again. Step by step. Learning how to move closer to visions of interest. Learning how to seep into those visions. Learning how to block out the immense noise. Learning how to speak without a body. Learning how to see the void. Learning how to construct a body out of it. Learning how to hunt down my timeline.”

“In many ways, it was a rebirth, and with each and every step, I lost more of myself. I lost myself to the aching hole of my soul being missing. I lost my conscience, I lost my heart. I dedicated everything to the endless goal of stitching myself back together again.”

“I learned so much about the reality I live in. How malleable it and time is. I evolved into something grotesque, something that shouldn’t be alive. I gained power that no monster or human should have. Things, and even souls, could be changed at my whim. And yet the one thing I truly wanted seemed to be impossible.”

“I did a lot of terrible things while I was stuck like that. Some were intentional, some less so. Many were reset thanks to Flowey, others will never be fixed.”

“I have Sans to thank for finally helping me to achieve the goal, even if not fully. He built a machine that gathered enough of my soul that... I’m able to manifest my original form and can think clearly once again.”

“Even so... It didn’t change the fact that my soul is still shattered, somehow held together by the tug-of-war between Determination and Void, and that my fall into the Void reset the timeline into a state where I never existed.”

“And that leads us to now. The Gaster you currently speak to exists in a timeline that has made it to the surface, though I’m not particularly fond of being up there and generally hide in my lab in the CORE.”

“Well, I certainly hope you didn’t expect even a rundown of over a thousand years to be short.”

“...Or, were you posing the question to someone other than myself...?”

#let type = answer #Anonymous #let type = headcanon #let type = in character #let form = refused #((Gaster stop talking holy shit

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poisonheadcrabsalesman · 4 years

Text

More therapy thoughts part 1/?

Behavior Theory Frameworks/Conditioning and What the fuck does Master Chief talk about in therapy?

Ramblings below - like a lot, like I spent too much time writing this and you should not read this

Behavioral Theory could work well as a framework with rehabilitating Spartan IIs if the case worker focused on Operant Conditioning Theory and Cognitive Social Learning Theory, which I talked about in this ask because I think I’m funny and this blog is an archive of me applying human behavior theories to video games.

Spartans have always been taught the mission comes first! Always! The 2s are indoctrinated from age 6-14 and then have that reinforced the rest of their lives. From the beginning they are taught to push themselves to the limits, earn their food by winning, form bonds with teammates but be ready to sacrifice them for the mission. The whole lives wasted vs spent conversation between John and Mendez after the augmentation surgery!

What the UNSC/ONI wants comes before their lives, the lives of other soldiers, civilians, AI etc. This constant conditioning of expectations and rewards has created the norms cemented in their minds. This becomes standard operating procedure.

Spartans are also an entirely separated social group, other people have made really great posts on how they are Othered and have their own way of communicating with body language. ODSTs hate Spartans, marines see them as cyborgs or saviors, and while they’re allies, Spartans are not seen or treated as human, by literally everyone. They are a means to an end, with the original goal being to maintain the UNSC’s position of power and crush the insurrectionists in the outer colonies, but uh oh Aliens!

Maybe the 2s aren’t as expendable as the 3s but the mindset and reinforcement of “mission first, people second” being repeated their entire lives is going to stick. So is the constant mistreatment and abuse from their fellow soldiers and handlers.

Addressing the cognitive distortions that come from their upbringing while also balancing the fact that Spartans are so fundamentally different from the way they developed to survive would be so much work, especially considering how much information on them is given to their therapist. The main distortion I would apply is minimization, making large problems small and not properly dealing with them, and specifically for John, personification, accepting blame for negative events without sufficient evidence.

Like these are grown ass super soldiers who can kill you in less than a second and calculate the amount of gravity in a room on the fly but then also can flounder when trying to comfort civilians or make small talk because their experiences and values are so alien to adults who had more developmentally “normal” lives.

Literally applying therapy to Spartans would be like, what was done to you was wrong, the ends do not justify the means, you were children and the adults in your life failed to protect you. You are a human person who is fallible and did the best you could with what you had. And the Spartan would say, “sounds fake but okay, can I pass my psych eval and go back to war now please?”

Jumping back to Behavior Theory

Different approaches to therapy under the Behavior Theory umbrella help modify negative behaviors with treatments like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical behavior therapy that teach individuals adaptive coping like emotional regulation, distress tolerance, cognitive distortions, and interpersonal communication. And that’s just one framework under the umbrella of human behavior theories.

Social work therapy is different from psych as it approaches individuals with heavily researched, evidence-based theories and frameworks in a holistic viewing of person-in-environment, instead of a strong focus on internal psychology.

Social work looks at all the interacting systems, environment, history, and internal and external factors affecting an individual. One of the most useful frameworks is the Biopsychosocial-Spiritual Frameworks (BPSS) when helping a client. It helps with identifying all the intersecting factors, both risk and protective, that shapes a client’s lived experiences. The most important thing to remember is that the individual is an expert in their own life, they know their experiences best.

The hardest part is applying this to Spartans because they Are So Fucked, their lived experiences, their environments and systems and institutions interacting with them, and the amount of their personal information that is probably so classified.

BPSS is a tool to help social workers assess individuals and their situations by collecting info that is related to the presenting issues and current and past circumstances. Info like medical history, hospitalizations, substance abuse, mental illness, personal relationships, family history and background, culture and norms, education, legal history, spirituality and participation etc. is all under this framework.

For Spartan 2s most of this info is lost or classified and helping someone who has repressed every negative emotion they've had for the sake of the mission would be so much to unpack but that’s also why you’re reading the mad ramblings over an over caffeinated nerd on the internet.

Life Course Theory which looks at developmental milestones and the individual’s experiences versus the socially expected markers, how do you apply that to children who were taken and have lived such different lives?

While early adolescence is when “normal” development of thoughts of self and identity take place alongside the physical changes of puberty, Spartans were being turned into emotionless calculating weapons. Sorry John, no forming a sense of identity and peer bonds for you, go kill that Watts guy who betrayed us and joined the insurrectionists.

And now that I’ve gone this insane and opened 2 whole textbooks up, let’s get to Master Chief thoughts. If you’ve read this far thank you, I swear I’m normal, 2020 has just been a weird year.

Why the fuck did I think I could write a therapy fic on a guy with 20 minutes of actual dialogue across almost 2 decades of games?

I make fun of him and call him a himbo, but he’s smart, he knows he’s being used and there is resentment there that’s been building for years.

There’s also decades of trauma and combat experience, physical, and emotional abuse, the lack of a support network, lack of an identity, the biological factors and aftermath of the augmentations and injuries he’s received, a whole lot of grief and self-inflicted guilt.

The loss of a third of his peer group with the augmentation surgery, Sam’s death, the loss of Reach (the only place he’s considered home), Keyes, the Pillar of Autumn crew, Miranda Keyes, Johnson, Cortana. He cares about the marines who fight with him!!!

He just stands there and takes it and rarely snaps, and even then it’s just small cracks on the surface with fissures running deep. The few details I will pull from Halo 5 are Blue Team’s reactions to John pushing himself so hard from the beginning of the game, and the literal crack in his armor from the fight with Locke. Like dude.

John’s a leader and will get the mission done but he tugs on the leash. He’s earned enough of a reputation and uses it to get his way.

Halo 2’s “Permission to leave the station” with Mr. “I’m going to hand deliver a bomb to the fusion reactor of a covenant supercarrier and hope my friends catch me”.

Halo 4 is when we see him say no to a superior officer and then 5 is him going AWOL. Palmer literally points out that no one is going to stop him.

Halo 5 kills me for many reasons but John bringing up Halsey and what she did to him and also pointing out that he knows Halo 5 Cortana is trying to manipulate him with psychological tactics hurts.

He knows what’s been done to him!

I cannot remember which book it was but John isn’t used to working alone. He literally takes fire because he was expecting someone to have his back!

He’s lost without Cortana! She was in his brain! Y’all! I played Halo Combat Evolved on the original xbox when I was like 8 and I knew these two were meant to be together. From the moment they met they had great chemistry and relied on each other! Cortana literally goes after people who have it out for John! John wants her approval and shows off for her in one of the books.

I’ve already written too much here but like all of the games have John showing off for Cortana, making dry jokes, jumping out of things he shouldn’t.

The whole point of this rambling is to try and get my thoughts about how to approach John’s character under control.

And that’s the thing. He’s lost control. He’s lost people, he’s losing his position and being phased out as an aging spartan, a relic. John’s used to following orders and making some decisions on the battlefield but it was always short term.

He has no identity beyond being a weapon. Complete the mission, clear the LZ, get put in cryo. Rinse, repeat.

The timeline of the games are what I'm most familiar with but with the comics and books too it’s one long run from Halo 2 to Halo 4. Cairo station to the Dreadnought to the crash landing to Forward Unto Dawn to Requiem to “The Didact is Dead but not really but we’ll deal with him off-screen”.

I know Hood apparently gave John R&R orders before Halo 5 that he ignored and kept running himself into the ground. This is a man who has to keep moving and keep being useful.

I imagine him giving in and seeking help as a last resort to fix any problems he has with performing his duties rather than helping himself be healthier.

Any professional he sees is going to have to approach him like they’re approaching a self sacrificing feral cat, with lunch meat and quiet. This man needs to have his support network closer, set up long term goals, and do some serious, and most likely incredibly painful, self reflection on where he’s come from and where he wants to go. Get him out of that tin can and into therapy. I don’t have a nice neat ending because this was a ramble and also therapy is not neat and tidy. Thanks for reading my words about mr halo

#this is not coherent but it needs out of my brain #John - has different characterizations based on what media he's in #Me - my writing must be in character or I Will Die #also me - we don't talk about halo 5 but i will loot its corpse for bits of lore I like #im sorry for being like this #my writing #Therapy time #John 117 #this is not a halo blog #haha this was peer reviewed nonsense #thanks yall for enabling me #i have even more ideas for the infinity sitcom folder now

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im-the-punk-who · 4 years

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Hey, I was wondering if you have a book rec

Okay so in full disclosure, I have a really hard time reading books. My brain sometime around six years ago just decided that wasn't its style anymore, so I don't read a TON. A lot of these aren’t going to be recent releases. However, here are a bunch of books I would absolutely recommend checking out! I tried to include a variety of genres but I have uh.....five bookshelves in my apartment so if you're looking for more of a certain genre let me know!

Theatre:

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead - Tom Stoppard

Waiting for Godot - Samuel Beckett

These are my two favorite plays - they're both absurdist, humorous, and have some fun things to say. They’re both by old white guys but like....I love both Tom Stoppard and Samuel Beckett DEEPLY and they have all of my love and respect.

Non-Fiction/Educational:

Why are all the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria by Beverly Daniel Tatum - this is considered a 'classic' on the psychology of racism, and was particularly helpful for me as a white person in arming myself against 'reverse racism' thoughts and in dissembling my own prejudices. This is mostly a rec for other white folks, but Tatum also addresses 'having the courage to sit at the black table' as a way of claiming your own identity outside of the stereotypes the dominant society expects of you.

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown - Okay listen I just really REALLY love Brene Brown, she is a therapist most famous for her TED talk about Vulnerability and this is just...listen I really like to read this book when I am sad and feel like shit because it makes me feel strong. I reread this book at least once a year.

Imagined Communities by Benendict Anderson - This is an absolutely fascinating read on the rise of nationalism. It’s a bit dry and wordy, but the ideas and use of history as propaganda, spinning the story of a nation to pit it against or on the same side as other nations, and the ways in which these tactics shaped cultural history is just!!!! Amazing.

Gay New York by George Chauncey - This is just one of the most informative and interesting reads of queer history in New York that I’ve ever come across. It’s one of the ��must reads’ of queer history and has so many interesting tidbits that I have to recommend it. It’s a bit old(published in 1994) but I still find it relevant and interesting to read.

Personal Fiction/Autobiographical Fiction

White Girls by Hilton Als - I went to a reading of this book when it first came out. It was so much fun and so eye-opening for me as a baby queer in NYC that I bought the book there. I wanna be really clear that Als does not pull punches and a lot of people don’t quite like it, but I love Als’ style of writing. The stories and essays in this book are amazing and funny and heartbreaking and informative of queer experience - particularly black queer experience - that I always feel like...honored? to experience through writing? This is one of those ‘you’re gonna suffer but you’re gonna be happy about it’ reads - it can be hard to face because of how very hard the pills are to swallow but like....gosh I just love this book and it’s interesting and hilarious and great.

Confessions of an Economic Hitman by John Perkins - this is my tin hat favorite. It hits....ugh. This is one of those books that came out and like every government agency freaked the fuck out over it. It’s an interesting look into the quote-unquote dark underbelly of capitalism; how and why countries manipulate each other through economic policies. Super interesting read with a nice style of prose.

The Know-It-All: One Man's Humble Quest to become the Smartest Person in the World by A.J. Jacobs Okay so full disclosure I have not finished reading this, but I’m far enough through to rec it. This book chronicles the author’s attempt to read the entire Encyclopedia Brittanica from front to back, and it is just as kooky and hilarious as it sounds. I am very incredibly and deeply offended this author stole both my schtick and my initials, thereby preventing me from doing this exact thing. I read through the phone book in its entirety when I was three. I had it in me. Anyway, this is basically the author just listing weird interesting facts he’s read about and connecting them to his daily life, but it’s a fun read, and you learn a lot of totally useless facts, which is absolutely my jam.

When Skatboards Will Be Free by Saïd Sayrafiezadeh - HI I LOVE THIS BOOK. I’ve read it maybe three times over. It’s so fun and interesting. You may notice that a lot of the books I rec are very absurdist in their humor, and this is no exception. This book is full of the dry wit and just weird goddamn shit you could only expect from the child of a revolution that never came. You want to read a book about someone who Went Through Shit? Read this book. It’s funny and heartbreaking and just. AHHHH. Seriously I cannot recommend this enough.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosch - FIGHT ME ON THIS. I love this book.....so much. Yes it’s technically a comic book but the stories are so INTERESTING and hilarious and full of exactly the dry absurdist humor I eat the fuck up. Also! Allie Brosch recently released a sequel of sorts called Solutions and Other Problems that I recommend without even reading it.

Poetry

Pansy by Andrea Gibson - IF YOU ARE NOT READING THE POETRY OF ANDREA GIBSON WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING WITH YOUR LIFE. I cried seven times reading this book. There are only like 14 poems. Please please read this to break your own queer heart :)

Bloodsport by Yves Olade - This is a tiny book full of absolutely devastating poetry. Most of it has to do with the grief of relationships, but like....gosh I love all of Olade’s stuff. (Also!! This is available as a pay-what-you-wish pdf!!)

Bright Dead Things by Ada Limón - This book focuses a lot on the author’s experiences of loss, and knowing that loss is going to happen. I’m completely devastated every time I read this.

Science Fiction/Fantasy

The Bartimeaus Sequence by Jonathan Stroud - So what if I am a dumb millennial I love this series. It’s another dry and deadpan humor, with weird additions and Stroud’s use of footnotes to absolutely crack me the fuck up means I gotta rec this. I just gotta. Four(I think?) books following the deeply unlikeable Nathaniel and his Djinn Bartimaeus, who just wants to eat humans and have a deeply enjoyable enemies to lovers plotline with his arch rival.

The Magic's Price Trilogy by Mercedes Lackey - Okay I know I’ve recced this before. I will rec it again. This was the very first series I ever read that featured a gay protagonist and I was. Devastated? Reformed? I latched onto Vanyel Ashkevron and I am never letting this depressed emo boy go. Try me, I bite. Seriously, this book was released in the 80s and yet it is still relevant, I still cry - god i LOVE this series SO MUCH. And, MERCEDES LACKEY actually invented unbury your gays, sorry I make the rule on that one. :) Also there are magic talking horses??????? Seriously please read this series I love it so much.

Fire Bringer & The Sight by David Clement-Davies - This is another series that was absolutely formative in my baby lexicon. These are books about magical animals and their inner societal workings and both books address the ideas of good, evil, darkness, compassion and good will, and destiny. I am obsessed with these books, they are some of the most interesting of the genre I’ve read, and so incredibly intricately written. LOVE these books.

Vampire Earth Series by E. E. Knight - The Witcher before it was cool. Sort of but like...there are schools of Cat, Bear, etc and it has COOL VAMPIRES I LOVE THSI SERIES. Basically, earth has been taken over by a race of alien ‘Vampires’ and follows a human involved in the resistance. The writing in this series is...wow. It’s so intricate and interesting and involved. I own the whole series because I love it so much, including the after-series hardback novels. I’m so messy and I love it.

Kindred by Octavia Butler - You know how people are like ‘YOU SHOULD READ OCTAVIA BUTLER!!’ ? You should absolutely do that. This novel is mindblowing and interesting and the pace and narrative are so so so interesting. Heartbreaking, god, horrific. Butler is an amazing writer and this novel, while my personal favorite, is not by any means the only of her books I would recommend. STORIES. STORIES!!!!!!!

Fiction

The Ballad of Barnabas Pierkiel: A Novel by Magdalena Zyzak - This book is so fucking good. It’s imaginative, funny, intelligent....it’s honestly one of the best fiction novels I’ve ever read. Again, dry, absurdist humor, this book sort of reminds me of Terry Pratchett’s style of writing.

The Call of the Wild by Jack London - This is a classic, a true classic. The social commentary of this book is so so good, London’s style flows and, personally, as a dog and animal expert, the anthropomorphisation of Buck and his fellow animals is just so well done. I love this book, it’s quite an easy read, and I reread it at least once a year.

Rolling the R's by R. Zamora Linmark - Okay. Okay okay!!!!!! I gotta take a deep breath about this one. This book is. Yuh. This is a bit younger leaning than the other fictions, focusing almost entirely on high school level characters, however the experiences and commentary is just so so good. Focusing on a diverse group of characters growing up in Hawaii in the 1970′s, this book addresses the intersectionalities of gender, sexuality, race, immigration, education, and how we define who we are. I’m obsessed.

A Separate Peace by John Knowles - A heartbreaking novel about war, innocence, adolescence, and how we hide from our truths. It’s...so good, this book hurts me a LOT okay. The prose is phenomenal, the story is poignant, and it feels like I’m ripping my own heart out with a fishhook every time I finish it.

The Toss of a Lemon by Padma Viswanathan - This is one of those books I half recommend because it’s so good, and half because of the deep wealth of knowledge it presents the reader. The author’s use of her own culture is just....goddddddddd. Intricate and interesting and so delicately included in the narrative that you can feel the love the author has for it. It’s a long read and it took me almost a month to get through reading every day, but god. It’s so soft and amazingly written I both wanted to read it all at once and take my time with it. This is another one that deals with the duality of humanity and how we connect with one another. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!

P.S. Your Cat Is Dead by James Kirkwood Jr. - I love this book I love this book I LOVE THIS BOOK. It’s fucking hilarious, entertaining, I literally laughed out loud at every single chapter. Hilarious and poignant and surprisingly deep, this book literally follows the journey of a man in which literally everything that could go wrong does. It’s fucking hilarious.

I hope that helped and gave you some new books!!! <3

#long post #book recs #milo writes

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a-trying-writer · 3 years

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[the story of no-no II. gdi, ive been dealing with writer’s block, so i basiclaly churned this out from an idea that i struggled with writing. so im sorry about how badly paced and written it is, it just feels as if i had to do this in a very basic approach compared to before, but never was content with. so yeah. ugh. i just want to wriiiite again!]

“From what I’ve been told, nothing is wrong with you physically,” said a doctor that picked me from the rest of my villagers. “However, you’re a curious case mentally speaking.”

I stared at her in silence, unsure on what to say. I also took that time to notice how striking her features are, from her strong shaped jaw, to her dark brown almond eyes, fair skin, and long black hair, kept in a ponytail. Despite how short the chair she had was, her posture was straight, making her shoulders seem rather broad. I suppose it was the pads underneath her long coat -- a common garb that doctors often wear, no matter their actual occupation, be it scientific or medical.

Her lips curled into a smile, but I couldn’t help but notice how they didn’t reach her eyes. “You don’t have to say anything, Mx. No-No. To be quite honest with you, your case is why I wanted to speak to you alone.” The doctor’s eyes darted around my room, perhaps taking in what little I had in here.

It’s strange, but for once, I felt as if my privacy was being invaded. I couldn’t help but frown at that, even though she couldn’t see my expression through my mask.

A soft, brief laugh escaped from her when she laid her eyes on me again. “The Elder told me a bit about your history. That you arrived to the village as a child with no parents. You never spoke to anyone, not even children your own age, for a few years, until you made a... well, let’s say ‘friend’, though I assume that word is not the exact definition to describe your relationship with this person. Anyway, since he was persistent in trying to get to know you, you decided enough was enough at one point, and shouted at him. Since that moment, the villagers noticed that not only could you actually speak, but that you were rather emotionally distant as time went by, and the friend never left your side, despite how often you say you’d rather be alone.”

I bit my lip. What is she trying to say, I wonder. And what’s the point in this meeting?

“It must be weird that I’m saying all this, isn’t it?” she asked, but I didn’t bother responding. “This is your personal history, anyway, and though I know of it, it’s actually none of my business.” She paused. “But, it is, you see. Well, for me anyway.”

“What do you mean?” I said out loud, without meaning to. I quickly bit my tongue, but I noticed that the doctor wasn’t exactly surprised. Instead, she crossed one of her legs over the other, as she took in a deep breath.

“The world is big and complex,” she answered. “You lived in this village for almost all your life, but the only contact of the outside world is from people like me that come and go. You never really cared about them, did you? Well, ‘care’ isn’t exactly the word for it, but for now, I’ll use it for the lack of a better term.” The doctor leaned forward a bit, with that smile still on her face. “With that in mind, I assume you don’t know the history of daemons and humans. It seems that the rest of the village isn’t aware of them either, so it might be possible for a daemon to be living among them without knowing. However, there is... something about this place that actually repels them.”

The doctor brushed her hair over her shoulder while keeping her eyes on me. I wasn’t sure what to say, except, “Continue.”

Another short laugh. “This entire village is located on a cave inside a mountain. It’s difficult to travel up here, which is why only a few selected doctors come and go from various countries, all specialized in something. Psychology, physical health, et cetera... but I’m one of the few that actually studies something a bit more... special, you could say.”

“Special?”

“Yes. Artifacts, ruins, ancient technology, and the likes. Basically, places and things that have existed for over one thousand years, that are quite mysterious, as they are dangerous.” She paused to take in another deep breath. “You work with the dead, don’t you?”

“I don’t work with them, aside from preparing the chamber for their body to be burned,” I answered, almost immediately. I don’t know what this doctor is asking about it for, but with all the things she said, I might as well poke her for information as well in return. “Why do you ask?”

For a brief second, I noticed a glimmer her eyes. Is she... happy that I spoke up?

“It’s because I noticed the words ingrained in those stone walls are similar to the ones I’ve been studying for the longest time. As I said, there is something about this place that repels daemons from this village, and I believe, if I have the proper help, I can look into this place further... and if I’m correct, you are the only one who can help me.”

“And why is that?” I asked.

The doctor’s lips parted slightly as she got up from the chair. “You and I are the same. We are apathetic people.”

I blinked. “Apathetic...?”

“There are many, many studies of humanity and our emotions, some that have been dated far before daemons came into our world. However, it’s become rather difficult to describe ourselves one way or another, so these terms have no longer been used, so we need new ones for the sake of helping people. Apathetic, cheerful, melancholy are just a few words that we choose to apply to ourselves, if we wanted to. But, of course, it doesn’t always work that way for some people, say, a violent person that kills. Given that we live among daemons however, and they can often disguise themselves as humans, it’s difficult to really say if a person is a ‘serial killer’, or just a daemon out for blood. Humans also tend to suffer under mental ailments and the likes, which is why professionals study as hard as they can to help them. But again, it tends to conflict with daemons that take on human appearances. Do you understand?”

I paused to think it over. “No... Not really. In fact, I think you confused me so much so, that I developed a headache.”

The doctor let out another laugh before shrugging. “I expected that would happen. To be honest, I’m not a doctor that specializes in those areas, so I might as well be wrong, if not a little bit incorrect. Anyway, Mx. No-No, I have things to take care of during my stay here, but I’ll definitely need to talk to you about something important in the upcoming days. I shall see you around.”

“Very well,” I simply replied. “You didn’t give me your name, by the way.”

“I did? Oh, well, pardon me, my name is Dr. Xiao Wei, but of course, Dr. Wei is the proper way to call me.”

“Of course, Doctor. Thank you.”

Dr. Wei then gave me a firm nod before she left my home through the curtains. “Enjoy your day, Mx.”

#writing stuff #im very very unhappy with this #so please dont reblog!#but i always appreciate a like!#i just hope to break through my writer's block soon!

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morwensteelsheen · 3 years

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I just have to tell you how much I ADORE “Finger Back.” I keep retreading it! I’ll be starting my masters in the autumn and reading this AU put a huge smile on my face and a warmth in my heart. (If only lecturers looked like Faramir or Aragorn, though. *sighs*) I do have a question that I’m not sure you addressed already: I read your endnotes that say you’re protective of Denethor, and I’m curious as to what your reasons are. Could you flesh that out for us? Cheers!

Thank you so much!!! I’m so glad to hear you dig it — and good luck with your masters!!

So, yeah, The Denethor Problem. My answer to this is gonna go under a cut because this is gonna be such a long answer lol.

Some of it is in response to how he’s portrayed in the films, which is I think wholly unfair, but a lot of it is because I think I recognise the real life cultural/social archetype (I think) Denethor fits, very much unintentionally on behalf of JRRT. For context, I’m a historian of modern British history by training, and gendered/political history specifically, so I spend a lot of time dealing with the social implications of WWI/II, if not the actual wars themselves.

Denethor to me fits the mould of a very specific member of the Lost Generation (yes, I realise this is a largely-American generational identifier, but I think the cultural stereotypes fit well enough for the WWI generation in Britain), which is the sort of man who was, in effect, completely and utterly destroyed by the meat grinder that was WWI. Whatever he may have been had the war not existed doesn’t really matter, because the war was ultimately the end of life for him. A lot of British men of that generation faced what was essentially a systematic unmanning (not in the gendered sense, as in, total depersonalisation/dehumanisation), and were never given the care or community necessary to recover from it. They then went on to live through WW2, the slow and miserable recovery from that, and the repeated crises of the 1970s, which is typically when they died — see JRRT himself.

These were men for whom the abject violence of war never really went away. Lots of them had severe PTSD, though it was never diagnosed and certainly wasn’t treated adequately, and almost all of them had some form of war-based trauma. They were men who were so scarred by the violence of WWI that things like love and joy and other positive human emotions ultimately ended up requiring too much energy and too much heartache to express, and so they retreated in on themselves. It’s not to say those emotions weren’t there for them, but what they experienced during the war was so traumatising it became hard to ever fully become “human” again. They were weapons of war discarded at the armistice.

So, socially, I see a lot of Denethor in that, this man who has, effectively become the war.

But also I think when you read the text there’s a lot to actually recommend Denethor. For starters (and I do intend on elaborating on this more later), we tend to only see Denethor when he’s in direct conflict with Gandalf, and Gandalf is obviously given the privilege of controlling the narrative. It’s this huge elephant in the room with most of the Gondorrim: we never really get more than fleeting glimpses at how unbelievably shitty and miserable life has been for them at the frontline of this war to end all wars.

Actually I think I’ll run with this Gandalf comparison for a second.

Gandalf is portrayed as this political and military mastermind, who rides from kingdom to kingdom fixing the problems of the free men of ME. We rarely ever see the aftermath of Gandalf’s time in these kingdoms, which means we never actually see what sort of political effort has to go into enacting Gandalf’s provisos, or covering up for the strange politicking that goes on. What this really comes down to is: Gandalf is a consultant, not a ruler, and in his status as consultant enjoys this moral distance from the practicalities of keeping a country/state afloat.

Denethor, however, does not. Unlike Gandalf, he doesn’t get to go gallivanting about Middle Earth searching for Elendil’s heir or Isildur’s bane or whatever, because he’s got a kingdom to run. If there’s a plague in Lossarnach, it’s ultimately Denethor who has to take responsibility for that (even if there are multiple layers of vassals below him, the buck ultimately stops with him). When there’s an entire looming cataclysm at Gondor’s (and, in effect, Middle Earth’s) eastern border, Denethor’s the guy who has to coordinate that response. And in that it’s not just Gondor he’s responsible for. If Gondor falls, everywhere else will fall too, but as far as we’re told, Gondor’s running this defence almost entirely by themselves.

And, importantly, Denethor’s a mortal. He’s a Man. I know that mostly is associated with death in LOTR, and, in the movies, the folly of Men’s pride, but what it really means, I think, is the tangibility of life. Life and time means something to Men, they have to feel and live in each second in a way the others don’t. They are tethered to the world in beautiful but also terrible ways.

The big gripe about Denethor is that he sends his son to hold Osgiliath. Okay, fine, but think about that this way, Denethor sends his son to Osgiliath. For us, the readers, and for Gandalf, the consultant, that could be anyone. But for Denethor, that is his son, flesh and blood, someone he loves dearly, one of the last living connections he has to his dead wife. The war is real and intimate for Denethor in a way it isn’t for other (yes, including Aragorn), and he bears this unbelievably difficult burden of being the ruler of a kingdom without having any of the real political legitimacy to be that leader.

Which is to say: Denethor is the Ruling Steward, but he is no king. That’s a hugely important distinction, I think, and limits a lot of what I think Denethor has the right to do. He’s essentially managing the decline of a kingdom because he doesn’t have the right to play offence for it. Everything about his life and title is about making him subservient to something else — in his case, something that literally doesn’t exist (as far as he knows). Imagine how soul destroying that is. You have to bear all the horrible psychological and emotional burdens of ruling a kingdom with none of the benefits of getting to shape it in your own image. Horrible.

We tend to give Théoden a pass for his weakness and (to be frank, even though I do love him) shittiness because he’s brought back to his senses. Denethor has suffered essentially the same problem as Théoden, except worse because he’s getting it direct from Sauron, and he never gets the chance for healing. And why doesn’t he get the chance for healing? Because he’s literally holding back the apocalypse. By the time anybody thinks to come help Denethor out, the world is already ending, and — so far as we’re told — nobody’s actually bothered to help Gondor out until the very end.

A lot of this is, tbh, wrapped up in how angry I get about how Gondor is treated by literally every other kingdom in ME, but I think Denethor-as-Gondor is a salient and important point so I’ll keep it in.

Oh also, sorry for jumpiness (my ADHD meds are wearing off) but my other gripe with the Osgiliath thing is — okay so Denethor sent his son. But he had to send someone, didn’t he? If they hadn’t held back the army at Osgiliath Minas Tirith would’ve been overrun before anybody had the chance to get there to save them. So they have to do it, somebody has to go, so who does he send? Not his son because we, the readers, have a total crush on sadboi Fara? Okay fine, so then he sends someone else’s son. But that’s still someone else’s son! We just hate Denethor because he has to make the decisions none of us would ever want to make lol

Anyways. Yes. That’s why I’m super defensive of him, I just don’t think he gets a fair shake all things considered and wish he would. He’s not a villain, he’s a man at the edge of the world, and I think we all oughta have a little empathy for that.

Like, I do think he makes the wrong call on a lot of things, and, to put it lightly, I think trying to kill your own son is Not Great, but I think as a character Denethor deserves a more nuanced interpretation than what he gets. I actually spent today writing like a three thousand word Denethor POV on the idea of hope and his kiddos which I might post at some point. But yeah. Yeah. God, sorry, that was such an info dump lol

#asks

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