#but pretty much every other character except for her goes away with murder

[kyouka-supremacy]

But like, Beast Akutagawa has, you know, killed people, right? Several actually? And he's still working for a pretty much legal organization? It's just fun when put into perspective. Yokohama really is a lawless land

[rose-tea-and-strawberries]

Hey, I sent in this ask and Tumblr ate it, so here it is:

You know how Yuu getting turned into a child because of a potion accident or a spell mishap is a pretty popular trend in twst headcanons and imagines. I'm thinking about the same scenario with Yuu while she's on her shift in the club. It either happened because of one of Von Drake's inventions accidentally zapping Yuu or someone was messing with Fairy Godmother's wand again.

I mean the chaos and panic that would ensue in the club when Yuu gets hit by a spell gone wrong, and she straight up disintegrates except for her clothes. Everyone's like "OH NO, WE KILLED OUR KID!" And Donald's reaction is like this. But then the clothes start shuffling, and they all find a cute baby Yuu.

If you thought they clubgoers were bad before when it came to competing for the custody over Yuu, it's worse now. Hell, even Mickey is twitching to grab his sorcerer hat and keyblade. Any disney character who's a parent are fighting over on who gets to hold Yuu next. Pepa Madrigal is summoning a biblical storm outside because Triton was taking too long holding Yuu, and it's supposed to be her turn. The parent characters all miss holding a baby.

"Your five minutes are up! Let me hold her!"

The couples are all high on baby fever when they get to hold Yuu. I can see Ariel really missing when Melody was a baby and turning to Eric to say that they should have another kid.

The villains to Yuu: Come to the dark side we have cookies.

I can see just cuddling with the Winnie-the-Pooh characters since they're technically anthropomorphic stuffed animals and soft enough to sleep on.

Even characters who I don't see as parent types take to Yuu so well. Gaston finally gets a turn, and he gets quiet. For the next five minutes, his hubris goes away, and he's so gentle with Yuu. Belle and Adam are in awe because that's what got him to shut up? I mean they get it. Yuu is adorable but still.

Lol. I think went too far with this ask.

"Oh no, we killed our kid!" *Side eyes the villains* it's not like any of you have ever attempted child murder before

That Donald link is everything and it is now canon that that is exactly his reaction when Yuu, his nephews and Max are in danger (I've never watched Ducktales so I don't know if there are any other kids Donald hangs out with)

I absolutely love de-aging fics. It's been one of my favourite tropes in practically every fandom I've been in. I actually did have this one story line I was brainstorming in my head during this very long car ride where some magic caused Yuu, Ace, Deuce, Leona, Azul and Epel to de-age to around 6-7-8 and the NRC students had to deal with that (it kind of played along the lines how the day before the magic accident Yuu said that if she met the NRC gang when she was younger, her younger self definitely would've wanted to be friends with them - there was even this scene where smol Yuu 'meets' baby octopus Azul and he gets all teary-eyed that this pretty 'stranger' thinks that he's nice - and there was another one with little Yuu and cub Leona where they take a nap together) but I digress.

So I'm not going to go for baby since there's not much a baby can do so I'm going to say she's reverted back to a 5/6 year old.

Lilo, Alice and Wendy insist that she spends most of her time with them. They see Yuu as a big sister and now that she's younger, they are much more protective of her. Christopher Robin is included in that group not because he's part of the Yuu Protection Squad but because he's close friends with Alice and Wendy so he's dragged along for the ride. Lilo doesn't want Yuu to hang around with the villains or the NRC boys - she's made badness charts of both Yuu and the villains to show her friend how dangerous they are. Lilo and Yuu definitely get Horace to play Elvis songs because Elvis is amazing.

It doesn't matter how old Yuu is, if she sees our favourite tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff she is hugging that silly old bear for as long as she can (lucky, lucky her). The tv show called 'My Friends Tigger and Pooh' and one special episode of 'Doc McStuffins' show that the Hundred Acre Woods gang love hanging around children even if they aren't Christopher Robin - let's just hope, Tigger doesn't get too boisterous with his bouncing. Speaking of which, Roo is very happy to have another kid to hang out with (he excitedly asks his mother if they can bring Lumpy with them the next day) and Kanga finds herself doting on Yuu even more with the other animal mothers (etc: Perdita, Mrs Jumbo, Bambi's mother, Duchess etc)

Since Simba (canonically in the first movie) and Ariel (in the non-canon sequel) are the only prince and princess to have children, I think that they would argue that they are the best suited to looking after Yuu - only for Baloo to pipe in that he and Bagheera have plenty of experience in caring for mancubs (the fact that Mowgli was raised by wolves who are still very much alive seems to be completely forgotten by the bear)

Tiana has to literally restrain Naveen and Charlotte from either kidnapping Yuu on the spot to go gallivanting to every toy and dress shop they know or just going to said shops anyway and buying everything they see.

Aladdin and Robin Hood are really good with kids in their movie (and Aladdin's TV series) so they would be having a blast regaling Yuu with tales of their adventures.

Wait, wait Jack Skellington and Sally canonically have kids in the epilogue of their movie so they would have some experience to boast about (in the movie's soudtrack with Sir Patrick Stewart at least)

Unfortunately, none of the heroes trust the villains to go within five feet of child!Yuu for completely logical and justifiable reasons so Yuu the villainous sidekicks usually end up sneaking around nearby

(At some point, Yuu ends up giving Ed the hyena a hug, headpats and a forehead kiss and he never lets anyone forget that)

All the Disney parents are living their best life with Yuu around. I think King Stefan and Queen Leah are especially happy because they never got to see their daughter, Aurora, at that age and they kind of feel like they get a chance at seeing what could have been.

Someone should also probably keep an eye on Fauna incase she pulls a Lilia and straight up kidnaps Yuu

[dangermousie]

Ep 27 was all plot and no ship. In fact none of my favorite characters except Jiang Li herself appeared in it - it was devoid of the Duke, his sidekicks, Shen Yurong, Princess Wanning, any of the Yes and except for a few seconds’ appearance devoid of Jiang Jingrui.

Still it definitely moved the plot forward - namely the plot of the serpents’ nest that is the Jiangs. Because the grievances were not suffered by our protag but the original Jiang Li and any connections of love or blood were also not hers but the original Li’s, she’s able to be clear headed and not really emotionally involved except insofar as she feels bad for injustice and she’s gonna need that because stepmom has lost the few restraints she had and the rest of the family is useless.

I found this ep humanized both Ruoyao and stepmom for me. I found it so tragic that Ruoyao has finally stopped stepping out of her mother’s monstrous, smothering shadow (her mother’s love always looked controlling and conditional but this ep shows just how downright abusive it was and how Ruoyao had so little chance) only to have her agency taken away from her by mommy on the most basic level. A woman who would poison her own child to get rid of a stepdaughter should not be called a mother in any sense.

I hope Ruoyao gets some sort of a happy ending and a way to find out who she actually is but I doubt that since the drama very clearly implied in this ep she is not a Jiang but is a child of adultery between stepmom and diviner. Papa Jiang is not much of a father even to his blood (he just goes with whatever the woman he is currently sleeping with likes) but the moment he discovers she’s not his, that nunnery is gonna be best case scenario for Ruoyao. Not every family can be the Fans from JoL or the Xiaos from Nirvana in Fire 2.

Stepmom? What a horror show but the drama humanized her (while showing she shouldn’t be allowed to run around at all.) All the woman wanted at the start was to run off with that painter and live in obscure bliss (Ruoyao’s desire to run with worthless ex-fiance is quite reminiscent of that - like mother like daughter - tho at least Mom’s boo genuinely loved her.) But daddy prevented it and was going to marry her off to some sort of mental defective with a family that wanted that dude to have a child (and in that society that marriage is pretty much life of horror) unless she found herself another match and was all “why don’t you off Papa Jiang’s wife, she’s sick anyway” - and not excusing stepmom being a murderer but it’s like Shen Yurong - when all your choices are bad choices you are way more likely to do bad things to survive. In some other alternate universe, she married that painter who never became a diviner and is living a placidly virtuous existence.

Honestly, the moment she killed a friend to escape a hellish marriage it was the end for her - she sent Jiang Li away because of the whole “I murdered your mom can’t have you find out or just look at you” (and daddy blames her for soft heartedness in not killing her!!!) and the other kid was an accident - it’s basically she started out as a villain out of perceived necessity but then she had to continue and got worse and worse. The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step, indeed.

I found it poignant she ultimately wasn’t able to maim monster daddy as requested by diviner. Not so poignant that she’s apparently repeating the way she was parented in the way she’s parenting her daughter despite knowing firsthand what that’s like. (But I wonder how much her obsession with getting Ruoyao the best marriage, the nicest reputation (no showing in public at age x), the best womanly skills (zither) is driven by her forever remembered terror of being a woman with no power and no options and no good marriage prospects.)

Even that scarred cousin who married the abuser got a little bit of interest from me - the way she tells his paralyzed body that even tho he beat her so badly she will take excellent care of him and the sheer terror in his eyes was great. Go girl!!!!

Still, hope next ep brings back the Duke and Co. (Jiang Li sent away the guard the Duke had on a mission for her and girl - bad life choice - guard had a big point in that he was there for her protection. And now diviner is coming and there is no guard. I guess she’s so bad at listening to instructions, the Duke will have to move in with her himself to make sure she does what he wants. What a hardship 😂)

[dihydromorphinone]

ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 i can't wait to taste you..

after watching her for over a year, tanner can't control his urges anymore and he goes to claim what, he thinks, is rightfully his.

— tanner x reader, reader/character is implied to be female and in luna's place, not really smut but very suggestive it was supposed to be a smut though, kinda dark themed(!!) but it is consensual somehow TT, stalking references, i'll definitely write a part two with smut 👅, been writing this for four months;; kinda feel like i could've done better

if you like it pls reblog!! ૮₍ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ₎ა

an: i wanted to try something new hehehe tell me if you like how it's written!! also dude... tanner voicelines are so cannibalistic and sexy,,, and i feel sooo bad i drank too much and i was sitting outside drinking beer with some random ahh guy at 3am and I'm pretty sure that something i took today got laced >_< this is my comfort fic yall.

tonight was oddly peaceful. the state of Montana, especially that one – someone would say cursed – town was the complete opposite of peace. with the sudden increase in crime; murder, kidnappings, disappearances mostly the city was covered with terror. the blueblood killer was definitely a real threat, a threat that is wandering free on the sickly covered in fog streets, while the poor citizens are left in the dark – and though he enjoys the exposition he has, for tanner it wasn't enough. it's never going to be enough.

he's cruel. psychotic, even. what sane person would happily murder so many of its own kind? none. and yet, there he was. enthusiastically setting feet rhythmically on the pavement, the heels of his elegant shoes making a barely audible 'click-clacks'. so much passion in each step; the same passion which drives him to inject toxins to humans and toying them with much visible sadism. tanner – the blueblood killer, had a very distinctive way of looking at the society. for him, it was nothing else than scum. trash, refuse; all the same. no human mattered to him. he treated mankind like a child would treat its toys; fun, but only for a moment. then the toy, or in tanner's case, a human can be tossed away into some corner, because it won't serve his purpose this well again. his definition of fun, however, was as cruel as he was. stalking, trespassing, closely observing his prey's emotional reactions and how the body and mind react separately depending on the circumstances and substances. his fun ends when the victim dies or acts repetitively – so he cherishes every moment of preying upon a human.

he found one exception, though – a young woman living not-so-far-away from his hideout; the captivating lady was a detective, with her home set close to the giant, maze-like forest, where the equally handsome doctor was spending his days, and if he wasn't out satiating his disgusting urges, nights. tanner has been watching her for over a year, falling prey to the female's plush lips, seemingly sweet demeanor and her abominable desires. in their own home, each human feels safe. the only place they can be themselves, do whatever they want to do. tanner pitied them - he always did. but for some reason, he still laughed at people who acted different indoors. he defied the whole purpose of safety, stripping the victim of it.

he’s stood in the shadows – where he preferred to be, for now. the thrill of being found was growing fonder and fonder on him, but now's not the right time, tanner would always repeatedly tell himself this like a mantra. like a plea to the sober-thinking part of him to let the other, more careless and darker part have some more fun. his thirst, though, for blood and flesh was just expanding more and more... insatiable, one would think. no matter how many victims would be reported, no matter how the blueblood killer's body count would go up, the urge was almost... attached to him.

through the tinted, mostly curtain-hidden windows, he could see her moving around. left and right she swayed, not getting enough sleep and forgetting basic self care because of her almost sick, he thought, altruistic urges. such a good, upstanding individual she was - someone to look up to, to worship... the woman deserved good, proper treatment only. especially from him - all the neglect is happening because his identity, still a secret, was wanted. tanner almost convinced himself that he feels pity and cries for her, being the source of her opposite of well-being, but in the end it's hard to judge and distinguish emotions while being hazed with mad, almost lusting feelings.

there was, however, no time to reflect the past actions, even if they're undoubtedly mingling with the present. he always did whatever his body and mind wanted, more or less heart. but he would be the last one to judge - there was no place for him and his 'sick' assessment. that being said, tanner finally realised he is in fact done waiting. their time together was pleasant and wholesome, but the urge will drive him to further madness if he won't do anyting about it soon. and since this isn't a mind matter, then it would be suitable to satisfy the flesh, disregarding the heart's wishes and indulge in the woman visible through the small gap in the curtains.

but his heart cannot be silenced this fast.

after searching for his trusted syringe and the mix of liquid midazolam and some other drug he put there previously, he cracked a small smile and sighed, being able to free himself after such a long time. his playtime with victims never lasted this long - this was but a miracle, something unexpected and ready to turn his peaceful, murderous life into something even more vile, dangerous and ruined. but the thought of disposing her like a loose trash didn't sit right with him; tanner was almost disgusted by the bare thought of causing her heart to stop permantly. he was having so much fun now, it'd be almost criminal... but, what is going to happen will eventually happen, so reveal himself to her, he shall.

the woman inside the cozy home was unaware of the terror right next her door, but even if she was - it didn't really matter. for her, the most important thing to do now was to catch that damned blueblood killer, to put end to the town's suffering... and her own grief. she's lost many of her friends and few family members to his wicked fantasies, and it only felt right to do something for the rapidly decreasing community. focused on her promethean task, she couldn't hear the light creak of her door and even lighter footsteps right behind her. only after tanner stood behind her, she could sense someone's presence. shiver ran down her spine, as she vividly remembered closing the door and definitely not inviting anyone, especially this late at night. fear paralyzed her, but then came the realisation.

it could be the blueblood killer. either she will get violently gutted, or she will make a life-changing discovery. and so, the captivating lady sighed, and prepared herself for the worst moments of her life. she turned around, surprising tanner. bold. she was definitely bold, unsure of the danger's scale, yet facing it bravely. his heart barely, but still, softened. endearing, so endearing... but it was too much for her. she closed her eyes right before facing him, squinting her eyes. his little plaything was even more captivating, he thought, smiling softly. though, she could never see it.

"who are you?" she asked, knowing well the answer is going to be fake or she will get no answer at all. or maybe some pistol on her forehead would be all she needed to know before her apparent, incoming demise? but she heard a small chuckle. "i'm the one you've been searching for. pardon me, miss, for keeping you up for so many nights. figured i'd better show myself in person."

his voice was oddly attractive. so pleasant to her ears, so pleasant she almost didn't get what he was saying - clearly, the murderer who got rid of solid few percents of the town's residents was before her, and he was aware of the search. well, it was obvious he will figure it out eventually, but the fact that he exactly knew that it was her... next thing she knew, his fingers were caressing her cheekbones, which made her open her eyes in a second. the sight made her lose her breath for a second.

the blueblood killer was undeniably handsome. sharp jaw, ideally shaped brows, perfect face ratio... not a single thing was wrong. he'd definitely pass as a model, or an angel, though the circumstances made her think of him as the devil. his appearance made it easy to sin. tempting. he was clearly her type, and deep inside of herself she was having a moral battle. she couldn't help the train of thoughts, all vile and lusting, all due to the bare sight of him. that didn't go unnoticed - tanner, as the aspiring master of knowing human reactions, realized she was captivated with him as much as she was with her. the syringe in his other hand, placed behind his back, almost fell to the floor. sweet, so sweet; it seems the paradise's gates won't be opened for him only.

"i've planned some fun activities for the two of us. don't worry, honey, you won't die. yet," the murderer smiled at the woman, terrified and enamored, still gazing at him. oh, how absurdly sweet she was... a perfect mix. with his large, gentle movements he still was caressing her cheek, but slowly moved down to her neck, tracing circles and various shapes. the lady was stunned - and tanner will also be as stunned as the detective, if he regains his mind clarity. but that did not matter; not for now, at least. she's here, next to him, looking at him with lust behind the pretty, sweet facade...

suddenly, the lady felt a sting on her neck. she hissed, and tanner shushed her, continuing to inject the tranquilizer liquid through the syringe. "this will only hurt for a while, i assure you. i wouldn't let you suffer for more, that is - unless you want me to," his poor, horrid jokes made her think about the event briefly, before losing consciousness. this is awful - she is awful, for even considering this monster as a human being, someone that could even potentially become her crush. but the shame can wait, she thought, as the man dressed in white lab coat and red tie came closer to her face and hovered above her, waving his hand as her eyes became droopy and eventually closed.

"good girl," tanner told her, though she couldn't hear those affectionate words. the effects were visible shortly - as if it were not for her perpetrator and his strong, muscular hands she would surely fall down, hitting herself and creating a possible injury. not today, tanner thought, not happening ever. why should she injure herself if the feared master of terror was always for her disposal? but even he wouldn't cut her too deep. the precious flesh of hers shall not be tainted with foolish, mortal-only limited bruises.

having his prized lady in his arms, he spared a few seconds more to admire her unconscious body. not like this was the first time he's seen it - this time was different, though, as he never actually held her like this. tanner closed his eyes swiftly, took a small, but deep breath and contemplated what to do next. it would be a shame to waste the precious liquid he just injected, though it was as precious as she was.

tanner knew her home well, sneaking inside when she wasn't home, and he was about to exploit this knowledge, just as he was about to exploit the sweet, sweet detective he oh-so-adored. holding her as softly as he could, but firm, he moved in the direction of her bedroom, clearly having some sort of a more detailed plan now. after entering, he put her still unconscious body on the big, fluffy bed and then went back to the living room to turn off the lights. should add some more vibes, tanner thought, grinning from ear to ear, as if it was his first time feeling happiness.

awakening from her slumber, she felt as if her wrists were restrained. and soon, she would learn her assumption was correct - although, it wasn't rope or anything extreme as she feared, no.. it was a fine, soft material, silk probably. sitting nice and tight on her skin. in her circumstances, getting tied up was the least she could worry about, and soon, she would find out; as the man's figure hovered over her body, multiple terrifying scenarios flashed her poor mind yet again. but was it surprising? no, it was expected even. her eyes became glassy, as if she'd cry in a second, at which tanner just... cooed. "oh, what's this now? i told you already, i won't let you suffer by my hand unless you want it," tanner replied, bringing his hand to her cheek and gently caressing her already tear-stained flawless skin.

the word gentle did not sit right with him, obviously. his actions were confusing to the extreme; but she wouldn't refuse anything the man would offer. not like she'd even be able to - but he made her think she has a choice and whatever happens next is up to her. what a cruel illusion - one of freedom and safety, that he won't take anything she doesn't want him to. in his mind, she was already his. equal to him, even, though he wouldn't like to see her running around with some sedatives, tranquilizing random people on the street like he does on some nights.

tanner did not retreat his hand, seeing his darling still conflicted but not showing any signs of reluctance. if anything, she was very compliant, and so he shall make sure she's rewarded for her obedience. "could you.. um.. untie me?" she asked, earning yet another one of tanner's smiles. what a silly girl, he thought, asking questions like this. but do whatever she wants him to do, he shall.

"no thrashing and squirming, okay? and i'll give you a piece of freedom," the man said, to which she nodded. she wouldn't want to cross him, never. bringing her arms closer, he slowly undid the bindings on her wrists, brushing his lips softly on the soft flesh of hers. it was somehow... intimate. the way he presented himself to her; she knew he's dangerous. one wrong move or word could probably get her killed, and yet - the way he is now with her speaks a whole different story. one couldn't just see him as a psychotic, sadistic murderer; not when his actions were those of a lover, not a killer. thinking about him in this way was surely a sin. the woman's train of thought, however, was rudely interrupted.

"stop thinking so much," he murmured against her ear. "no point in being so worried. i came here to do what i wanted for a long, long time, you know?" tanner started delicately biting the skin on her ear, chuckling a bit at his own words. "tonight, you shall become rightfully mine. i was thinking of claiming you in a different scenario but i just can't keep myself away from you, sweet girl." her breath hitched, in fear or excitement - she did not know. the anticipation, his face being so close to her own; she was surely about to go insane after tonight. and as tanner buried his face in her neck, she started trying to regain at least part of her mind's long gone clarity.

he's a murderer. a terrible person. he's creating hell on earth. she knows he is awful and she should scream in terror, but her fleshy, earthly desires are clouding her judgement a tad too much. up to this moment, she knew who he is - a killer. his sly antics tonight made her forget about his cruelty, but she shall see him as a criminal, a murderer yet again - he's going to kill her all the same, the difference will be the weapon of choice. he will stab her relentlessly all the same, but not with any blade or syringe. cursing her coveting mind, she brushed all concerns aside and let him have his way with her.

she's going to let him ruin her, deprave her - and she will enjoy every second of it.

[happynowyo]

Reflection, part 2

A/n: feel free to send request if you want to see some particular scenes in this fic between different characters or if you want me to write some other stuff based on some prompts with Kaz💜

And one more thing. The timeline in this fic takes place after season 1 of SaB but Pekka didn't frame Kaz, Inej and Jesper for murder. Matthias is too good to stay in Hellgate so let's imagine that Kaz was in a good mood one day and helped Nina (from the book kanon) to get him out just as she asked him over and over again. Wylan is a part of the Crows as well but no one except for Kaz knows that he's Van Eck.

Fandom: Six of crows

Warnings: Kaz Brekker and everything that goes with him

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x ShadowSummoner!OC

Summary: wandering about Ketterdam leads Jess to an unexpected encounter.

Word count: 1,7k

Part 1, Part 3, Part 4

Tag list: @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy, @valkyrie05x

The small hotel, located in the business part of the town, looked quite decent. But not enough to convince Jess that Ketterdam could claim to be the fair capital of Kerch.

The journey by sea took several weeks and by the end of it Jess was literally sick of the sight of the water and the noise of waves. She was endlessly bored, but deep down she consoled herself that the calm routine on a ship was far better than being anywhere near the Fold. The farther away she stayed from it, the safer it was.

A few weeks spent in near silence, with the exception of a brief dialogue with the captain, allowed her to put her thoughts in order and fully comprehend what had happened. At night Jess saw her father in her dreams over and over again, and he was so much like his old self, the one who had affectionately stroked her hair and spoiled her with fascinating stories from the past, that it seemed wild to her that the same man could try to subdue Alina to take her power of Sun summoner and use it to destroy everything and everyone around.

The contrast was so great that it was still hard to believe. Jess remembered perfectly well that her father was capable of cruelty, and the scars left on her back as the terrifying reminder were itchy but he was her father, and she was trying to hold on to the good things that had once bound them together. Baghra would surely scold her for that and call her a weak foolish girl whose naivety would lead to a bad outcome, but hadn't Baghra herself stayed by Aleksander's side for centuries and supported him by going along with her motherly feelings?

Jess was well aware of her grandmother's combative nature. Baghra would have found a way to kill the Darkling long time ago if she really wanted to stop him. Perhaps she clung to the idea that time would change Aleksander and allow him to pacify his lust for power and his hatred of the royal dynasty, that used the powerful Grishas as toys for entertainment at fancy parties, and Jess could not blame Baghra for that blind hope for the best.

When she arrived in Ketterdam, the first few days fell entirely out of her mind as she rested and slept pretty much all the time. Dreams saved her from the severe anxiety that came in choking waves and filled every cell of her body. Along with it there were some destructive thoughts full of obsessive paranoia. The Darkling was the strongest Grisha she had ever known, and she could easily imagine the rage her father would feel when he learned of her runaway. She would never be safe as long as he lived, but now Jess had no one who could truly confirm the Darkling's death in the Fold. She wished she had a mass of useful spies in different parts of the world, like Baghra, but she clung to the tip about Nina.

Jess was a couple of years older than Nina, but their rooms were next to each other in the East part of the Little Palace. That was one of the first reasons for their friendship. The other was that their impulsive nature and desire to act out of spite caused them to be punished by their teachers more often than anyone else. They practiced together, spending time chatting and also helping each other during their studies, trying to get their powers under control. Jess joked that she volunteered to be a guinea pig for Nina when she slowed her heart or made it gallop when Nina tried to squeeze her lungs, depriving her of oxygen and instantly plunging Jess into a state of animal panic for her life.

They got along well, so well that they once trusted each other with their most intimate secrets. Technically, Jess was known as one of the servants in the Little Palace. Baghra insisted that the fact of her kinship with Aleksander should have remained in shadows because of the fear of possible future consequences. But the burden of that truth grew heavier and heavier as the years went on. Nina was her only friend and Jess found it increasingly difficult to lie to her about why she always disappeared in the evenings. So on her fifteenth birthday she told Nina about her ability to summon shadows. Putting two plus two together was easy as everyone knew that such a gift was only inherited through the Morozov's bloodline.

Nina appreciated the trust that had developed between them, so in return she opened up about the planned escape. Jess was well aware that her friend was opposed to the idea that Grishas should serve the Crown without complaint and unconditionally participate in someone else's war as part of the First Army. Nina was a hopeless romantic and a relentless adventurer. She wanted something more out of her life besides orders, fear, and endless fighting with creatures in the Fold.

Perhaps it would have been easier for the two of them to run away together, but Baghra kept saying that Jess lacked self-control and the Darkling would instantly send an entire group to find her. The moment was not suitable and with tears in her eyes she had to let Nina go alone, enduring her father's interrogations later, when the alien darkness surrounded her with a thick veil and hurt by touching bare skin. Even if her father guessed the truth, he could not learn it from Jess.

Now she wanted to think that the memory of their former friendship would help her connect with Nina, though she was worried that Nina's opinion of her might have changed over the years. She could believe that Jess had helped her father of her own will and not by the order with the threat of cruel punishment, because who really cared about such details? During the war your motives and sincere desires don't mean anything — it's your actions that matter. And that's how Jess soothed her conscience after another nightmare that threw up pictures of the horrible things Aleksander forced her to do.

Finding someone in an unfamiliar city was a new task for Jess, but she was always the one to learn quickly, so the good two hundred kruge left in the hotel receptionist's pocket helped to get the names of a couple of places where Heartrenders usually worked. After visiting these places, however, Jess was left with nothing. If Nina had ever worked there, it wasn't under her own name. So her next attempt was the town square. You can understand a lot about the people of any place if you listen to what they say.

So Jess lurched in the shadows, clinging to scraps of other people's conversations about debts, gangs, Dime Lions, brothels and tourists. The flow of information poured over her in an avalanche, made her get lost in the names and places. Everything began to blend into indecipherable white noise, and Jess stopped focusing so much on her self-control. The shadows instantly came alive, licking her fingers with a unbodied chill and becoming thicker under the visor of some fancy bakery. The anxiety began to override clear thoughts, and Jess shook herself off just in time to see two guys walking past her, making lively conversation.

The vaguely familiar "Nina insisted that this is where they sell the best pistachio ice cream" caught her attention, and she let her curiosity take over, following the pair in a decent distance. She hadn't been able to follow them all the way, however, as someone's hand suddenly tugged at her shoulder, pulling her sharply into an empty alleyway. Her shoulder joined painfully with cold bricks, and Jess felt both indignation and fright as she looked up to see some Suli girl, whose face was half concealed by a grey cloak. She looked so thin and frail at the first side that Jess was surprised that the girl held the blade so confidently at her throat. Not the first time, apparently.

— The city is drowning in corrupt politicians and dishonest merchants, but you guys still rob an ordinary tourist? — the silly joke flew off her tongue before her brain had time to assess the dangerous situation.

Suli's brown eyes narrowed but her grip on Jess' shoulder was still firm.

— You were too focused on my friends for a tourist. Jesper spotted you three blocks back.

— I honestly don't understand…

— Did Pekka send you? Is he so desperate that now he's recruiting some pretty faces from Ravka? Your accent is minimal but my hearing is too trained.

The stranger's face remained impenetrable, so blank that Jess immediately noticed the contrast with the anxiety that flashed in the girl's eyes. God, if Nina wasn't in Ketterdam and Jess had come all that exhausting way for nothing, just to die in an empty alley because of someone else's suspicions, then Aleksander had better be dead indeed so he would never learn of such an embarrassment.

— Look, I arrived in Ketterdam three days ago and I have no idea who Jesper, Pekka and who else are! I'm looking for an old friend, Nina Zenik, I heard a familiar name in the crowd and just followed, so you don't have to worry about your safety. Whatever problems you have with Pekka, I won't give you any trouble, — Jess felt much more confident, though Suli's skeptical look full of mockery made it clear that she doubted Jess' ability to hurt anyone. That's better.

— How do you know Nina?

The jubilation that gripped Jess could be compared to the first alcohol in life that hits instantly and intoxicates too fast. Or to the time when she'd managed to confront her father and her shadows had swallowed his whole. She didn't hide the relieved exhale and visibly relaxed, pulling the stranger's dagger away from her with a slight smile.

— We'd been neighbors once. I hadn't seen her in a few years but I hoped to get some help. It's a matter of life and death, literally, and if you agreed to take me to her, I'd owe you forever.

— You know, Jesper says the same thing when he tries to convince me to leave him with cards alone for another game, it's a surprise you haven't met each other yet.

Part 3

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

love me some kiara and kovu from lion king 2 being so human straight they end up breaking lion gender norms without even trying

"It's the LIONESS'S job to do the hunting" Scar says in lion king 1 "Where is your hunting party!?" he demands of Serabi the former lion queen, "Pinned ya again" says Nala the lioness who grows up to continue pinning Simba the future lion king bc he sucks at pouncing

and then here comes Kiara, lioness, future queen- also absolute rubbish at hunting and pouncing

it's her boyfriend who can do the pouncing, not her

three out of the five only other lady lionesses have been far more into ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK thing than talking (nala almost murdering simba during their reunion, zira and vitani in general)

contrast mufasa in lion king 1 ready to accept a challenge FROM scar but wouldn't make one himself even tho he's got the lion's share of brute strength between them, then simba, while reclaiming pride rock, gave his murdering uncle an offer of MERCY him regaining his place as king started with him trying to TALK to Scar it only turns into a battle bc of Scar, Simba, the rightful king, tried to do things peacefully

and here comes Kiara, the peace bringing girl character, which for humans, yep a troupe, but for the lions in these two movies? Not so much

EXTRA CUTE BONUS FOR

lion king 1 is like "every lion dude wants to be king" nuka from lion king 2 is like "hey i am ALSO a lion dude! I should be king!!" Zira from lion king 2 is like "Kovu you are a lion dude that this dead guy chose, so YOU will be king!"

human society like

"guys are the leaders" "heroic guy characters should want to be in charge" "here's a million stories of the scrappy guy character becoming king/chief/captain" "here is a lady who trained her whole life to do Thing but this guy who only just started Thing will be better than her at it and then they will Kiss"

meanwhile in lion king 2...

Kovu meets Kiara and goes "maybe i don't wanna be king maybe I just wanna run around and be silly with her :( stand by her :( follow her lead even when running away would be easier :( maybe try teaching her how to hunt :( go star gazing :( :( c-cuddle :( :( :( Simba let me back in the pride you can be king its fine please i miss my girlfriend :("

it's so funny, because for straight human characters, Kiara and Kovu are surface level typical- except also not, thanks to Kovu 100% just goes I Don't Care I'm Literally Only Here To Stand By Kiara and Look Pretty-

but the ways they're Human Normal just makes them so very very Lion Odd by accident

anyway. future movie where lion queen kovu ends up hunting with the lionesses while lion king kiara deals with morning reports / prideland politics and maned lioness vitani patrols with her 5 girlfriends ok that's my canon now bye

[gryffintheparrotcat]

Discussion about durge & the overall theme of breaking the cycle of abuse or becoming the abuser in bg3 Evil Durge ending spoilers ahead

So I recently finished my evil durge run and during the entire game i thought to myself "Ofc embracing Bhaal is the bad choice here, it's a situation like Shadowheart and Shar. But honestly for my character it isn't bad at all, he enjoys being a murder machine and he'd love to serve his Father as the Chosen. This somehow doesn't feel as bad as other bad-ending choices, though I have no doubt the good choice will feel very meaningful."

And I kept that opinion pretty firmly till the end bc accepting Bhaal seemingly didn't have much consequence (Note: I previously never defied the Butler either so I hadn't experienced ANY punishments for that at all, my character wanted to kill, so did Bhaal, seemed like a win-win, despite knowing narratively speaking this would be the bad ending).

But the very last choice (technically second last if you count telling your party what you just did as a choice) in the game really brought to light the part of the dynamic I was still questioning till the end,

(everyone say hi to my evil Durge E'stir, he likes to murder and when Auntie Ethel fusses over him but he'd never admit that) Yes my character enjoyed killing blindly with no regard to whom, only caring about how many he'd kill, yes he enjoyed indulging in his urges, of course he was elated to learn he's actually Bhaals True Chosen, what better fate for a murder hobo than to be the very flesh and blood of the murder lord himself? But that very last 'choice', really showed that this wasn't a good ending, not even for him, because it isn't a choice and he'll likely never get to make a choice again, ever. As much as he'd have enjoyed bringing the world to ruin, it'll now never be out of his free will.

so much even that even in this moment of clarity (regret even?) he could not have made a choice.

the price for ultimate power was a total loss of control. And unlike with the companions, this price never seemed that drastic. Durge was never good, Durge never suffered at the hands of Bhaal, Bhaal has always been there, nurtured them. Unlike the others, this wasn't a path away from the light, this was never a choice of giving up on your goodness to embrace a dark power. Durge was already evil, this was just taking back your lost legacy. There was no moment before Bhaal, there was no humanity in the Bhaalspawn, a Bhaalspawn like no other. And yet the price paid is ultimately even more devastating than that of the other companions, yes Astarions soul is lost and his emotions get twisted, but as twisted as it is now he still has a form of free will (though it will never be the will of spawn Astarion again), same goes for Gale, yes he's no longer Gale Dekarios and won't act like his old self anymore but he's still acting out of an own will. Yes Wyll will continue to have to follow Mizoras will, but even then we know he can defy her, not without consequences but he can. (Side Note: I don't think Karlach even gets an evil ending? Like she imeadiatly dips on you if you slaughter the grove so her only bad ending is... well every ending but they're not evil endings) Halsin & Jaheira are entirely excluded, they're not even infected. And Minsc doesn't have a character arc either as far as I've seen (only bg3, ive heard he's in previous games (I shall play them one day)). The only two coming close to Durge in this are Shadowheart and Lae'zel but even then the arguement can be made that they still have a chance to look past their goddesses deception and break free. Not without high punishment of course, but the possibility is still there, Durge can have doubts & regrets all they want, they can do nothing about it.

Durge is essentially the narrative opposite of all other companions, the only one who goes from truely evil to getting a chance at redemption via the tadpole, everyone gets a chance at betterment via the tadpole (except Minthara lmao, she still gets that chance just not via tadpole, quite the opposite actually) and some were even questionable people before the tadpole (looking at you Minthara-) but even then they were all products of their environment. But can Durge truely be a product of their upbringing if they re quite literally Bhaals flesh and blood, solely created to bring ruin upon the world? And if the answer is 'No, Durge only exists to bring pain, by nature they're evil'... what's that prayer for forgiveness about?

[felikatze]

pssst. webcomic recommendations. pretty pleasd

from your url i'm gonna go out on a limb and say you like orv. excellent.

my number one recommendations for you are:

Surviving Romance (on Webtoon): Chaerin is trapped in a romance novel. At first, she loved it, but whenever she attempted to divert the plot... it did not end well for her. If you've seen people talk about it, you know what twist it pulls in episode 1, but if you don't, please go into it blind. Just read episode 1, and decide if it's for you.

We have a majorly female cast (there's like, 3 dudes max, and they're all side characters). Big focus on female relationships and the idealization of romance. Chaerin moves away from desparately clinging to a romance with a man that doesn't satisfy her as she befriends her classmates who she previously only thought of as "extras" to the central romance of her life. Great mystery elements, extremely suspenseful at parts, I would die for Hisui, she is the best, she is the cutest.

Also lots of meta shenanigans and timeloops. And the episode 1 genre twist. insane comic all around. beautiful art too. it's the opposite of orv's text based focus in that surviving romance could only ever work in a primarily visual medium

Next up, The Ember Knight! Also on webtoon!

After his brother is murdered right before his eyes, Nagyunn swears to avenge him. However, being twins.... who can be sure which one died that day? He takes on his brother's identity as a knight apprentice to gather the forces necessary and bides his time until the opportunity to strike.

Nagyunn is Fucking Amazing if you like kdj because he is. the exact same and not at all. Nagyunn is Very Intense all the time but what they have in common is that. Nagyunn's only skill is lying. He is lying about his name. He is lying about his skills. He is lying about his motivations. What if you had to solve every single problem with a deception check. The insane bluffing he gets up to is both suspenseful and lowkey hilarious.

Biggest complaint would be the amount of characters with similar names. Nagyunn and Nuljin, and in the most recent arc, Lauzun, Laurun, and Laukun. Are You Kidding Me

i've read the entire thing twice and every single update puts me in absolute agony.

Other comics I won't gush about for as long and that are probably more off the ball from orv:

Estio (on Reaperscans):

Starts out VERY cinderella-esque with a boy who can talk to animals and gets bullied about it. So he decides to leave town! Fuck yall! With his gift he finds work as a Fantasy Adventurer, except there's more to reading hearts than it appears, and there's many people who'd do anything to have that ability on their side....

I haven't been the same since the chapter where Estio kills people. go boy go. his sidekicks include a talking cat, a talking monkey, and a talking cactus. the cactus thirsts for blood.

The demon prince goes to the academy (also on reaperscans):

i fucking love this one. dumbass author is put into his own novel as karmic punishment. but being reborn as the demon prince in the world of "the demon king is already dead" puts a damper on a promise of slice of life shenanigans

the first chapter of the comic sucks it's just exposition but after that i love this one dearly. after the initial running for your life arc it does turn to school life stuff but protag boy reinhardt is so insane that i'd love just watching him do homework. i love that boy very much. he will kick people in the nuts. the school aspect is kind of novel in the sense that he's the obligatory bully character.

it's fantastic. love him.

uhhh what else have i got. quick pitch time!

Vindicaris (has its own website, also on tapas): Elemental beings Ces and Sel vow revenge on the company that created them. Extremely edgy (which is fantastic), the most dysfunctional protag duo ever, fun perspective shifts between Ces and Sel as well as people still at the company. Nobody's really in the right and everyone uniquely sucks.

Ending Makers (reaperscans): Two top MMO players get isekai'd into their game. Only problem: their characters are engaged. Now these two bozos need to team up and prevent the demon apocalypse. Fake dating slow burn type of stuff yknow.

Dummy's Dummy (webtoon): a little girl who can see ghosts needs to stop the haunted toys her grandfather left behind by teaming up with an even more haunted doll. described by the author as "kid friendly horror." i havent read the reboot on webtoon, just the original, but it should still be good.

This Isekai Maid is Forming A Union! (webtoon): what it says on the tin. Brigette is sick of constantly reincarnating as a maid in isekai stories, so she's unionizing the Anders household. Neither shitty love interests with a penchant for murder nor leading ladies with superiority complexes are going to stop her. (this comic has a bone to pick with shojo isekai, and i am cheering as it goes for the throat).

i also have WAYY more but i think this is enough for now. my main haunts tend to be webtoon, tapas, reaperscans, and hiveworks. i especially recommend hiveworks if you're looking for original stuff. reaperscans mainly has action shonen shit but it satisfies my cravings for schlock. though there's also some gems buried there. webtoons and tapas should both be well known enough on their own, though i tend to prefer webtoon over tapas these days.

[pollylynn]

Title: Undertone WC: 1000

“There was no relationship.”  —Dr. Cameron Talbot, When the Bough Breaks (2 x 05)

She does not believe he thought she would be relieved at the news that he may be walking away and leaving Nikki Heat behind. Not for a hot second does she believe that he has a thought to spare for how she feels about anything—not how she actually feels anyway. She’s sure he has plenty of thoughts to spare when it comes to building up his own sense of importance to her. She probably can’t count the thoughts he’s devoted to how lost she’ll be without his playground-based insights, how tragic her life will become when she’s inevitably kicked off the force because she’s unable to solve a single murder without him. He probably has to rent out a storage space for those kinds of thoughts, but there’s no way in hell that the idea of her being relieved every occurred to him. 

She’s sure of that. 

She’s pretty sure. 

Except . . .

They are fighting about stupid things. A part of her mind—a very persuasive part—points out that this is not breaking news. This is not evidence of anything other than the fact that he is still drawing breath in proximity to her. But a different part of her mind—a much smaller, but possibly more honest part—points out that these are arguments are not just stupid, they’re weird. Worse still, they’re weird on both sides. 

Even if he’d been lying in that grimy hallway, why would he choose that lie? Where would it even come from, given the sheer size of his ego? And what the hell was up with her jerky, stilted—and let’s face it, belated—agreement that she is, she would be, in the event of . . . relieved? Why does that feel like a lie?  

She’d like it to be his fault. If she could lay her own awkwardness at his feet, that would be ideal. She’d like to convince herself, for instance, that the sheer enormity of a lie that would require him to have any kind of empathy or insight into her actual feelings simply staggered her in the moment. 

But it’s not just that moment. It’s their utterly childish argument—within sight of a billion cameras, within earshot of a billion tabloid parasites—at the book launch. He’d been spinning lies there, too, hadn’t he? His sudden onset allergy to eye contact and his mumblings about her not knowing anything about being scorned, about being turned away . . . all that had to be some kind of act, right? He can’t have given any real thought to her heartaches or lack thereof, not when he’d decided from the get go that Nikki Heat was kinda slutty. 

The only thing that should ring true about the entire, juvenile conversation should be his denunciation of his own character as too insubstantial to support more than one novel, but even there, she’d tugged the other way, suddenly championing the self-proclaimed bane of her existence as having plenty to her. The one thing they should be in one-hundred percent agreement about, and something about it makes her dig her stupidly expensive, bought-for-the-occasion heels in and deny his premise. She should be relieved that there’s some truth-telling at last—some highly unlikely eleventh hour self-awareness on his part, but she’s not. The things that ought to ring true don’t. They’re fighting, then back-burnering the fighting for the good of the case, then they’re lapsing into awkward silence after they both acknowledge that it’s happening. He’s going, and she’s relieved, right? 

No. Not right. It’s not right on any level. She knows that, and there’s no other word for it but weird. 

She’s not exactly coping with the weird—his, hers, theirs. She’s not acing this part of things, and then it seems she doesn’t have to. He gets a phone call, and so does she. He’s not leaving after all, and she knows how this goes. She ramps up her fury. She is going to kill him. He was supposed to be out of her life. She draws herself up and prepares to meet his look of smug satisfaction. 

But there isn’t one. He cowers instead. He insists he had nothing to do with either phone call. It’s fine. It’s a variation on a theme. It’s her twisting his ear and him frantically crying, “Apples.” That’s all it is. 

She’s sure. 

She’s pretty sure. 

Except . . . 

They’re heading out from the scene of the murder—the new are you coming, or what? murder. They’re sliding into their respective seats in her unmarked, belting in, getting ready to peel away from the curb. She turns the key in the ignition. His voice is so quiet, so drawn in that she can barely hear it over the sound of the car turning over.   

“I’m glad I still get to do this.” He looks up quickly, panic flashing across his face. “I didn’t—I swear I didn’t know Paula was going to call—I swear . . .” He looks back down at his own hands, fidgeting in his lap. “I know you were . . . you would have been glad to have this all over with, but I just . . . I’m glad it’s not.” 

The car idles. She doesn’t know what to do with this. The silence stretches out, but what he’s said lingers. The truth and vulnerability of it fills the silence up. He thought she’d be relieved—glad even. He’s uncertain of her. She feels a twinge of self-reproach, a bigger twinge of defensiveness—like she’s not uncertain of him? 

They are uncertain of each other and why wouldn’t they be? They’re not exactly in the habit of saying what they mean. So she does, for once. Kind of. 

“Yeah, well, I guess I’m glad, too.” She mumbles. She glares at him. “After all, I’m under orders to be glad, aren’t I?” 

He sits upright, his head swiveling toward her in surprise. “That you are, Detective. Under orders,” he says with a startled smile, and she can see tht he knows. 

She thinks he knows. 

A/N: . . . and then they totally made out in the car. But seriously. I like to imagine there was some acknowledgment that they really were on the verge of parting and were both unspooling over the possibility.

images via homeofthenutty

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Who are some characters that you think should've survived the killing games and why?

//Well, here’s how I’d put it.

//For Danganronpa 1, I think Taka should have survived instead of Hiro. Despite my complaints, everyone who survived in DR1 can stay except for Hiro for all I care. Despite my individual problems with Hina, Toko and Byakuya, all of them redeemed after they became stronger characters overtime. But Taka has probably the worst emotional arc out of every character that has one, since he becomes depressed over Mondo’s death, transformes into whatever the fuck Kiyondo/Ishida was supposed to be, and the FUCKING DIED. He deserved better

//Game 2′s surviving group are MOSTLY fine, and I wouldn’t change it much. If I had to pick one character to live to the end, it’s an odd choice, but I would say Ibuki. I know that sounds like a bad idea, given that Ibuki’s personality would really break away the tension in the game’s final moments (something that Hajime, Akane, Sonia, Kazuichi and Fuyuhiko as a group play really well to, which is why I think they’re a pretty solid final group) but bare in mind that every game already has one “comedic” character make it to the end (Hiro, Akane and Himiko) and also keep in mind that Ibuki is CRIMINALLY undervalued in that game. She doesn’t do a SINGLE plot-relevant thing throughout the entire time she’s alive for, and then she dies one of the shittiest deaths that the series has put out. She’s also one of the few Danganronpa comic-relief characters who are ACTUALLY funny, and consistently at that. And I don’t really see the ending of DR2 being much different with her there, even despite all this.

//Game 3, as in V3, I would say Ryoma, which I know most people in the fanbase agree with, since a vast majority of V3 rewrite fics have Ryoma survive (ITMLFY and TPS for example) He has so much potential for a good arc, but once again suffers from the age old problem of NOT getting one because it gets cut off by his death. While I do believe the order of events of Case 2 in V3 did make sense in the grand scheme of things, that doesn’t stop me from feeling a tad let down by them. Ryoma could have been something man.

//In case it wasn’t already obvious, I hate pretty much every member of the DR3 cast save Seiko, and I think she should have gotten out in the end instead of going out the way she did. I needn’t elaborate.

//As for the Another games, for Another 1, I would love to have seen Kanata survive for basically the same reason as Ibuki and Taka. She’s easily one of the best members of that game’s cast, and dies a crappy death that kinda shouldn’t have happened. I mean, looking at that game’s third case, Kinji had already killed Kakeru, and didn’t need to murder Kanata afterwards. There was no risk of her being a witness since she was unconscious, and not only that, but her death was brutal as well. She also deserved better.

//And for Another 2, while I would say it’s my second least favourite group of survivor’s, I don’t like any of the SDRA2 characters enough to claim that one or the other should have survived. If we’re going on which character I think didn’t deserve the end that they got and had the potential to be really strong later on, then my verdict goes to Hibiki. As sad as it is to say, Hibiki is TERRIBLY written. She doesn’t contribute a single thing for the vast majority of the game, playing second fiddle to fucking Kanade throughout the entire thing, and then dies in an execution that she shouldn’t have even been part of. The idea of having twin sisters in a DR game is interesting, but it’s horrifically wasted on the Otonokoji’s, when only one of them, the vastly more terrible of the two, is the one who gets all the attention from the fans.

-Mod

[purplerakath]

Ginny & Georgia and Protagonist Morality

Protagonist Centered Morality is where a show goes into all things the central protagonist says and does as if it’s the correct moral call. Not the correct subjective call, that they’re in a bad spot and they pick the most in character thing out of a list of bad choices. But that the main character is ‘right’ just because they are the main character.

For a simple non-TV version of this think video games where you can just loot every treasure chest in the world. You’re stealing but the game is cool with it. The world is yours and everything in it is also yours.

Now, Ginny & Georgia has two things its doing on this front that are genius. First is that while Ginny and Young Georgia are making the best subjective calls, being dumb teenagers and in Flashback Georgia’s case one in a rough situation, they aren’t painted as moral paragon calls. But they are painted as ‘right.’

Present Georgia is more a product of her past, the flashbacks are there to shape how she got to who she is, and why she thinks murder is just okay! She’s painted more as a ‘you get how she came to this conclusion’ but also ‘wow what the fuck.’

But that isn’t what I want to talk about, what I want to talk about is how most of the secondary cast are written as protagonists to stories we aren’t seeing? That you can feel their calls are correct for the narrative you’re not seeing.

Max is the protagonist of a Glee-like, often Gilmore Girls level dramatic comedy that’s over the top and deeply emotional. She’s the most ‘in her own show’ of anyone.

Abby is the sullen protagonist of a teen coming-of-age drama novel. Suffering in silence unwilling to burden her friends until she can’t keep the pain in anymore.

Gabriel is the man on a mission, paid to do the right thing and solve a murder that a bereaved widow brought to his office. He’s got his own Noir cat & mouse game novel going on for him.

Cynthia is a woman losing everything trying to stop some vile monster from undermining the city she loves with her loose morals and low cut tops.

You can pretty much apply this line of thinking, and the actions of these characters to everyone except the Basement rats (Brody, Press, Jordan, and Sam) or Norah (who generally just isn’t getting enough to do in any given episode). And this is a good solution to both protagonist mindset and flat secondary cast.

Usually the secondary cast is acting without reason, the narrative reason is how their actions impact the leads. But here since everyone has a solid enough narrative structure to be their own lead, it feels correct. We know Cynthia’s husband is dying. We know Abby’s parents are splitting up. So when Cynthia is the worst, or Abby is slightly less the worst, it feels natural even if it doesn’t feel fair.

As for our protagonists it means that they aren’t just- living in their own world because that’s all the world we see. And when Ginny or Georgia sees the world they’re interacting with they don’t begrudge these other players their part. Ginny stands up for Abby, Georgia doesn’t blame Gabriel. And the show feels stronger for it.

...Okay except Max just getting away with four episodes of being the worst girl get over yourself. (This is 90% joke. But 10% what the fuck.)

[crestoflames]

I think I’ve figured out what makes me like a character that does bad things/is a villain/is “problematic” in any way:

it’s if they have power in their current role.

like im all for evil/complicated/murderous women and i love it. all of the Yellowjackets ladies, they’re a bunch of fucked up traumatized women doing bad things but they don’t really have a lot of power in the grand scheme of things.

dahlia hawthorne? she did tons of fucked up shit but she also failed horribly and was an abused child abandoned and treated poorly by her parents and taken advantage of by an adult man when she was 14. yes she shouldnt have done murder but realistically she never had any real power in the grand scheme of things, she was just trying to reclaim agency. (i feel similarly about most female ace attorney villains. except Morgan, fuck Morgan. April may isn’t great either but she’s mostly a caricature)

example of a female character I can’t sympathize with - dr. kelly. yes her circumstances sucked and getting impregnated by a Sleep Paralysis Dream Daddy (SPDD) is so fucked up and you can’t really tell anyone. but she always had the power over her son who she started abusing and poisoning. also bring a medical professional that only increased her power and authority and made it easy for her to get away with crimes and claim her son was just delusional if he ever did decide to tell on her. i cant really ever be okay with her because of that.

Reese also doesn’t really have power - the only power he has is his ability to transform into a very powerful monster, and even then he was kept from being able to do that for years, and once he finally transforms, everyone is basically trying to stop him (his mom, Wayne, Tabitha, and the MC if they decide to). based on the most common player choices, he doesn’t get his freedom like 80% of the time and just goes back to being locked up. he never had any real power and he was horribly abused, and him trying to fight back is used as justification for continuing said abuse and isolating him further. i have infinite sympathy for him (and I can relate to being isolated and treated badly by medical professionals), and i can’t not root for him.

Wayne on the other hand, has seemingly an immense amount of power and also the ability to have people in game (and out of the game) brush him off as harmless, or claim the MC is exaggerating or delusional. he will always be able to control you and maintain the upper hand (or so it seems at this point in the game). he almost has institutional power, where no matter what you say or do, nothing can stop him. and he doesn’t listen to what you want either.

there’s infinite more examples i could probably pull, but in general i feel like this is my pattern with defining which characters I do and don’t jive with. if a character has power and is harming others, I will pretty much always root against them because of my own experiences with people like that. but if someone is lashing out and hurting people, but doesn’t actually have any real power in the grand scheme of things, I will feel for them. usually the best evidence for whether a character has power or not is if they get punished, caught, locked up, or even killed for their actions, which happens to pretty much every character that I sympathize with that I’ve mentioned here. i think it has to do with my sense of justice and “what is right” that just makes me feel gross when a character with immense amount of power continues to get away with crimes, because that’s no fun. it’s just more of what happens in the real world and it sucks. I wanna see assholes get what they deserve (i say this yet im for prison abolition irl lmao. but fiction is wish fulfillment and escapism so it’s different)

[burningthegallows]

Will there be a follow up to the story? Shaoshang smirked, Zisheng followed her AND THEN WHAT? YOU CAN'T LEAVE US ON A CLIFFHANGER?

I’m not going to rule it out entirely, but I doubt it. 

As you can probably tell, Arrow to a Wax Wing is incomplete — not just the cut off ending, but also the excess of exposition and character building — I had some particular thoughts regarding Zisheng and the Liang bros that I was leading up to, but there are other fics I want to work on first

I’m almost 100k into an alternative-separation fic and then I have a mountain of ideas for my hp au.  I’ve also started a “whoops-last-night’s-one-night-stand-is-the-son-of-my-parents’-murderer”. Further down the line, I have a shanjian and zisheng buddy-cop fic except they hate each other and are not cops. 

If the desire strikes, I might write a few more short fics in the universe but the story would unfold something like this:

Hby follows her back into the garden and back into the woods. In the daylight, he can see exactly how secluded they weren’t — there’s a wall just through the trees. 

Shaoshang says, “I told you I want to forgive you, she might say. How can I forgive you without spending anytime with you?

Shaoshang gestures to the gate not 10 meters away. That’s my courtyard. Would you like to come inside?

Cut to: Css rips open the tunic he wears with relish, lips curving around sharp teeth before she pressing him against the inside of her bedchamber’s door.

They have an awkward conversation that looks something like: “Have you ever done this before,” she asks as she tips her head back to give him access to her neck.

He pulls back to glare at her balefully. “Have you?” She twists his nipple so hard he cries out and when she covers his mouth with a reproachful glare, he licks a broad stripe across her palm in a juvenile gesture. 

She glares at him. “Just shut up; put your mouth on me instead.” He goes down on her until she comes twice, and then he presses his face into her shoulder, her sex aromatic on his skin, across his face, pressed into her shoulder, as he ruts against her and spends against her hip. 

She strokes his hair and kisses his brow. “Shaoshang,” he asks as she gets up from her bed to, he assumes, wash. “Shaoshang are you—“

I’m not ready to forgive you yet. 

The next day, Cheng Shaoshang learns how to give a blowjob against the side of the barn.

His hands had tangled in her hair and he had jerked down her throat before apologizing at her gag. His cock was hot and hard and present in her mouth, warm and salty, like his throat, his breath.

She feels an intense desire to live forever in this intimate heat, a trade that will surely pleasure her, treat her. 

She wants to choke on him. Wants him to shove down her throat and hold her there. She wants him to force himself inside her and refuse to leave. She wants him permanently in her body and flesh, even if it means a scar. The bite mark on her arm has faded. 

Shaoshang somehow learns to hate him more for the cool, calm way he looks at her, the heat his gaze licks along her spine. She can’t move without his eyes and the memory of his hands on her, but every time she looks to him, he is cold. 

They have three days to fool around whenever/wherever they can, but eventually, they both have to stop stalling and move on. 

Zisheng might not be the most expressive person in the world, but she has studied no other as thoroughly. Even so, he is hiding, and Cheng Shaoshang can’t tell what. 

(Joke’s on her, mostly he’s hiding the fact that he blue-screened three days ago and is just 😳)

Her anger at his impassivity just makes him want to antagonize her further. 

Meanwhile, Shaoshang walks into a room and all he can hear is *kill bill sirens* 

Pretty much everyone in the household knew what was happening, because the two, while capable of being subtle, were not able to hide this. 

Both have been too zombified to hide the way that being caught in each other’s orbit has woken them both back up. 

Buyi leaves. She does not say goodbye. She does not feel much better once he’s gone. 

Her aunt is very unsubtle in her attempts to get her to open up about. CSS is either oblivious to it or does a passable job faking it, but she does not talk about it.

They continue on. She arranges to run into him at her first brothers manor, and along the wall when she was supposedly helping Cheng Yong with an injury. 

He finds ways to make it back to the capital. 

First time she sees him fully naked, she tells him she loves him. He doesn’t ask to know if she forgives him because he can tell she hasn’t. 

CSS is still pissed and it bleeds over sometimes, but she doesn’t like it. she wants to let it go. She hasn’t realized it yet, but she’s started thinking about him in terms of “when we’re back together” and “once we’re married”

The first time he visits the palace, he sneaks into chanqui to see her and they have sex (of the conventional variety) for the first time.

In the morning, he’s about to leave without waking her when nanny Zhai comes in and Shaoshang wakes to see him hiding behind her screen because he was trying to sneak out. 

She joins him in her wash room and they have a very angry fight with eyebrows 

He leaves, and she’s pissed at him for walking away and maybe she knows it’s not the same, maybe she gets that but still. It hurts. 

It takes Buyi two days to get back to her in the palace and he’s leaving the next day. The sex is … emotional. They’re both stuck in their own longing and pain inside their own skulls 

She asks him to stay the night again, and he hesitates. css continues to misunderstand his silences, and he continues to stab himself in the foot by not communicating. 

After the visit, she turns inward, and gets even quieter. it’s almost a year before they see each other again. She’s not been leaving the palace at all, and so he returns under the guise of visiting Wendi. 

She’s been wanting to tell the empress of her distress, but she keeps putting it off. She thinks she knows what the empress will say, and she’s not ready to justify herself. She wants to forgive him, but for what?

He comes to her the first night, and she is surprised to see him. 

He’s very tired from his journey, and they don’t have sex, but they do fall asleep together.

When she wakes up, he’s pressed into her side, tucked beneath her arm, his face smushed against her ribs. One of his arms is wrapped around her and one leg holds her down. 

Cheng Shaoshang manages to get up and clean herself up before heading back to the bed. He’d slept shirtless, and his perfect golden skin is on display. In her absence, he has rolled onto her side of the bed and kicked the covers off.

Cheng Shaoshang rolls her eyes, and pokes him in the ribs, hard. He yelps and rolls away and off the bed onto the floor. 

For a moment, she just stares, and then she laughs. He looks up to see her smiling and he tries to smile back, and it’s not actually difficult. He lets his smile widen a teeny bit, and she reaches for him, still laughing, and she can feel it bubbling up in her, this desire to hold him and keep him and make sure he can’t leave. 

He takes her hand but instead of using it to climb up, he gently kisses her fingers. 

He looks sad and tired and she just wants him to look at her with warmth again. They’ve been so cold, and she hadn’t even realized she was freezing. 

“Zisheng,” she says, tugging him up onto the bed beside her. “Zisheng, I’m sorry, ok. I forgive you, just come here.”

Maybe he doesn’t hear her right away, or it doesn’t register, because she’s already in his lap and kissing him before he realizes. 

“Shaoshang,” he says, breaking away. “Do you mean it?”

“Hmm?” 

“Do you forgive me?”

“Hmm?” she murmurs again, distracted, but vaguely recognizing this is an important conversation and that was something she had said. 

She bites down on his earlobe and he clamps his arms around her waist and pulls her down against him. They both shudder. 

“Oh,” she says after another minute, down a shirt with her fingers in his hair. “Yes, I suppose so.”

Cheng Shaoshang has zero interest in this topic, and is most interested in getting naked with him again for the first time in over a year. 

Buyi is a little bit more capable of focusing on the important things. 

He pulls back. She tries again to kiss him. He pulls back. She whines. 

“Shaoshang,” he says, and finally, his tone registers and she looks at his gobsmacked face. 

“Oh, Zisheng,” she sighs, resting her forehead against his own. “Catch up. I love you. I forgive you. I have been absolutely terrible to you for four years. Won’t you please come home?” 

He goes utterly still beneath her but then starts to shake. Shaoshang holds him as he cries, and she tries to comfort him. 

She’s just accepting the fact that the sex she’d been so excited for is off the table, when Buyi suddenly flips them around and pins her beneath him.

“You can’t take it back,” he says, mouth on her neck and then her breasts. “You said it, so it is.” 

She makes a disagreeing noise— mostly to be contrary— that gets lost in between their bodies.

You can decide whether or not they manage to have sex before Zhai walks in on them.

She shouts in surprise, a passing palace aid sees, and tells Wendi 

He spends five minutes to Empress Yue being really fuming smug and happy 

And then he descends upon the couple

There is a lot of yelling 

Zisheng sits so close that their legs brush. 

As the Emperor yells, she takes his hand. 

Neither of them listen. 

At the end, they’re definitely re-engaged, if not actually married by imperial decree. 

Zisheng makes her swear that she will never tell anyone how they got back together. 

She tells Qiqi five minutes later while he’s still in the room.

Zisheng makes her beg for forgiveness.  

She enjoys it. 

[tennessoui]

would you ever do a hunger games au? like anakin and obi-wan in the arena and doing a katniss and peeta thing where they both survive? anakin maybe killing the competitors so obi-wan wouldn't have to? (just thinking that child killing is in character for him) anyway no pressure or anything I just haven't stopped thinking about a hunger games au of obikin and. I thought maybe you could do something with it!

i need you to know i shamefully snorted at the child murder thing i'm sorry and i'm also sorry this took so long and it's a bit all over the place and doesn't actually get into the Games at all (+ it's been years since I read the books so all inaccuracies should be tastefully ignored pls) this may not be what you asked for tbh but here you go!!

(content warnings: hunger games typical discussion of child murder, but nothing graphic)

(1.7k)

Anakin’s first emotion after his name is called is a strange sense of relief.

Good, he thinks. I’ll get to go with Obi-Wan. He won’t be alone.

He dutifully steps forward out of the crowd towards the stage, where the announcer is waiting next to Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan who is looking at him with an expression of naked devastation.

Anakin tries to convey that it’ll be alright, that it’s fine, that they knew this was a possibility. Sure, it’s Anakin’s last year eligible to be in the Games. Sure his nineteenth birthday is in two weeks, at which point he would become too old to qualify as a child to the Capitol, but what’s done is done.

Obi-Wan will be his mentor, because Obi-Wan has been the mentor for District Four ever since he won his own Games seven years ago when he was sixteen and Anakin was twelve.

That year’s known unofficially as the most boring Games in Panem history, but the Capitol loves how handsome Obi-Wan’s grown to be. So what if he didn’t kill his competitors messily or with a bloodthirsty joy? He’s so polite in his interviews all these years later, and look at those dimples!

It makes Anakin sick, every time Obi-Wan has to leave District Four and travel to the Capitol to be fawned over and stroked and used. His nightmares are always worse the weeks after he gets back, and he never lets Anakin hold him during them.

And it’s even worse during the actual Games, when Obi-Wan is put in charge of two children’s lives only to see them brutally murdered on screen a week later. The cameras always show his reaction when the competitors from District Four die. They must think he cries pretty or something.

Anakin hates the Capitol. He hates them for what they’ve done to Obi-Wan. What they’ve made him into

As he gets close enough to the stage, he notices that Obi-Wan’s hands are shaking slightly.

He doesn’t even listen to the name of the girl being called. She’s not important. She’ll be dead in a few days time. What’s important is Obi-Wan. What’s important is comforting him, is reassuring him. Is coming back to him.

This is the moment when Anakin resolves that these Games will become known as the quickest in history.

---

The girl is understandably sullen and upset on the train. “I should get a different mentor!” she demands. “It’s obvious you’re going to play favorites with him.”

Anakin doesn’t snap back because she’ll be dead in a few days. Though she really shouldn’t use that tone with Obi-Wan.

“I’m not playing favorites,” Obi-Wan insists. “I don’t have favorites.”

“You literally just wiped sauce off his mouth with your finger,” the girl points out. “And then he licked it!”

Anakin smirks at her. Of course Obi-Wan has favorites. Of course Anakin is Obi-Wan’s favorite. It took him years to wear down Obi-Wan until he allowed him this close, and years after that until he finally got to kiss him for the first time, just a few months ago.

If she thinks he’s going to give up any of his Obi-Wan time so she can get her hopes up about not dying in a few days, she’s got another thing coming.

But Obi-Wan shifts away from him and he looks guilty.

If Anakin could get away with killing the other person from his district, he would. But it’d probably make Obi-Wan sad.

“Is whining part of your strategy?” he asks waspishly instead. “I don’t think it’ll make you many allies.”

She has the nerve to look offended.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan chides. Underneath the table, he squeezes his knee.

“Everyone in the district knows about you two,” she glares at him. “You haven’t exactly kept it a secret.”

Anakin hasn’t exactly tried to keep it a secret. The first night Obi-Wan had kissed him, he went straight home and told his mother, his neighbor, his schoolmates, his cat, and his ex-girlfriend.

(No one had been surprised, except maybe the cat.)

“It’s not fair,” she cries. “Who can I talk to to get a different mentor for me?”

“The ethics board,” Anakin smiles, all teeth, settling back into his seat and slinging an arm around Obi-Wan’s shoulders.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan says again, this time more exasperatedly. “Robin, I promise I will be the best mentor you can ask for. It is my wish to see you survive as long as possible in the next few weeks.”

The girl jumps to her feet in outrage. “You can’t even say you want me to win!” she yells. There are tears at the corners of her eyes. If she were a little less annoying, Anakin would feel quite bad for her. Obviously Obi-Wan doesn’t want her to win. Anakin’s right here.

She storms out of the train compartment, her face in her hands. Anakin barely waits for the door to close before he’s slipping into Obi-Wan’s lap and throwing his arms around his neck with a groan. “God, I thought she’d never leave.”

He isn’t pushed away. Obi-Wan must realize they only have a handful of days left to be together before he goes into the arena.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan says wearily, even as his arms encircle his waist.

Anakin presses a kiss to his nose and then another to his cheek. “It’s alright to have favorites, Obi-Wan,” he murmurs. “And she should know there’s no way she’s winning anything. Don’t waste your time.”

“I will do everything I can to make sure she survives as long as possible,” Obi-Wan repeats. “I don’t think I can survive anything else.”

Obi-Wan’s voice sounds shaky, so Anakin presses their lips together. Best not to talk for awhile.

------

“We should discuss strategy,” Obi-Wan says later that night through frantic kisses. “Sponsors, story, training--”

“I have a strategy,” Anakin murmurs back as he moves further down the bed, rucking up his partner’s shirt. “Win.”

----

“You look absolutely radiant,” Anakin tells the girl in an undertone while they’re in line for their interviews. She turns around to glare at him. The designer for their district has gone for the typical fish designs that people always associate with District Four, and they’ve dressed her up in a shimmering iridescent gown that flares at the ends like a fish’s tail.

Anakin’s own outfit is mostly a fishing net draped over one shoulder and a pair of tight pants. The designer, much to Obi-Wan’s embarrassment and Anakin’s satisfaction, had taken one look at his shirtless chest and decided to dress him in as little clothes as possible.

“Weird braid,” is all she says.

Obi-Wan had done it late last night when both of them had tired each other out and Anakin had curled up on his chest. After his Games, Obi-Wan’s hands like to do something. The repetitive motion of braiding and unbraiding Anakin’s hair soothes his demons.

It’s one of the reasons Anakin’s grown it out to his shoulders, much longer than is practical for his district.

Obi-Wan had gone to unbraid it, and Anakin had stopped him. He wanted to keep it. To wear it into the Games.

“Thank you,” he says generously. “I saw your score. 7’s not too bad.”

She sneers at him. “Did you celebrate your 11 with your boyfriend?”

“Oh sorry,” he winces. “Did you hear us? I’m just so bad at biting my tongue when he does this thing with his.”

She scoffs in disgust and turns back around. “I hope he has to watch you die.”

Anakin glares at her back. He knows he can’t kill her himself. But there has to be a way to hurt her and her chances and still have plausible deniability.

When it’s her turn for an interview, she’s vapid and pretty. She laughs and touches the interviewer’s arm.

“I’ve never spent much time in District Four,” the interviewer says jovially. “But tell me, really. Is everyone there as beautiful as the people you keep sending us? I mean. Obi-Wan Kenobi, ladies and gentlemen, am I right?” The audience laughs and hollers. Anakin hates them all. “And now you, Robin, and Anakin Skywalker. Damn!”

Robin--Anakin needs to stop forgetting her name--giggles high in her throat. “It was a very, very enjoyable train ride up,” she says with a stupid wiggle of her eyebrows. “Just this side of too long.”

The audience loses it.

Anakin loses it.

He can’t believe she’s sitting there publicly suggesting that Anakin shares Obi-Wan with anyone. With her. The nerve.

The camera pans to Obi-Wan in the crowd, who looks shocked, embarrassed, and deeply troubled.

Anakin won’t let this stand. He just hopes Obi-Wan forgives him.

The interviewer greets him excitedly when he walks out, and Anakin gives him a sheepish sort of smile.

“Lady killer Skywalker!” the interviewer says. Anakin laughs along with him. “All the girls back home must have been heartbroken to see you leave.”

“But I’ve heard they love watching me go,” he jokes with a charming smile. If that girl--Robin--can do it, he can do it much better. “There’s really only one person for me though,” he murmurs, letting his smile die.

“Oh?” The interviewer asks, leaning forward with interest.

“But sometimes I wonder if they’re only using me for my body,” he says, casting his eyes down. “I love them. Heart and soul, everything I am. But when I told them, they just laughed.”

This is technically true. The first time Anakin had told Obi-Wan that he was in love with him, the older boy had laughed his confession off, saying he was too young to know what he wanted.

“Oh, to be young and in love,” the interviewer sighs theatrically. “So your plan is to win the Games and then win her heart when you get back home?”

Anakin makes himself look sad. Tragically sad. Like he can’t bear to go on.

“They came with me,” he says.

If the audience’s reaction to Robin’s fake confession was huge, its reaction to Anakin’s words is even bigger. Of course they think he’s talking about the girl. That’s exactly what Anakin had wanted. Now he’s the broken-hearted boy and she’s the vapid, self-absorbed bitch. She'll have a hard time finding sponsors now.

It’s very, very hard to hide his smile, a task made exponentially more hard when he sees Obi-Wan bury his face in his hands.

“It’s alright,” Anakin tells the interviewer, without taking his eyes off of Obi-Wan. “I’ll survive.”

[ganymedesclock]

So I discovered the trailer for Belle (2021), and it’s making me think about what I love about Beauty and the Beast riffs, and what makes a story scratch that particular itch for me or not.

And I think a huge part of it for me is the examination of monstrosity as a social role. To just use Disney’s animated classic as my base for comparison here, Adam, The Beast, is not literally cursed with fur and fangs, claws and horns- he has those things, and may have mixed feelings about them, others certainly have bad reactions to them-

-his curse is ostracization. His curse is to not be seen as human. What actual, physical features he has are irrelevant to that. They’re just quirks he can learn to live with, or a further excuse to tell himself he deserves this isolation, this frustration, this misery.

So the breaking of the curse, to me, is not the scene where Belle sobs confirmation of what we knew well before then into his stilling chest and brings him back, minus those quirks- if anything, that his happiness comes with the loss of those things has seemed to me (and I’m not alone) as almost something of a betrayal depending on how it’s framed.

By contrast, to me, the breaking of the curse is the ballroom scene, and the moments leading up to it. Adam returns to Adam, rather than The Beast, at the point that he decides that he deserves to be treated like a human being- not as a labor of love from Belle, but from himself. Yes, it’s love with Belle that they dance together, that they have this ball scene when there’s no high society to impress, but before that point, he had to make a decision; that he can clean up and dress nice and have an evening. That he deserves to.

When we first see The Beast, he has all of the means and resources to act like a prince, to present like one. He could make himself comfortable and be surrounded by splendor, but the truest thing he suffers under is he’s ceased to see himself as worth the effort. It’s not as if he could cut the fur down and prune back his claws, file down the horns, and look the way he feels he ought to- the way he thinks he should. He’s broken every mirror in his house except for the one he hides from, and this is a gesture of absolute defeat. He knows what he looks like. He can’t pretend he doesn’t. The only way he can tolerate this is not looking at himself.

As a neurodivergent queer person, the monster in the mirror is something I have a very complicated relationship with. I have an “advantage” in some ways. My appearance is not shocking to most people. I do not benefit from an obvious mobility aid or assistive device; I speak within a range people think of is normal. I have an “unusual haircut” for a “girl” and I don’t aggressively correct people on my pronouns or presentation.

But I’ve always had this feeling, that perhaps, my fangs and fur were simply easy things to trim off, and it’s so easy to wonder, would I still be okay if they weren’t? Because really, it’s none of the granular details that make a monster. For every imagined horror creature, there’s almost certainly a real animal it resembles, and real animals are not monsters. A monster is a monster; anything else, we believe, has a place, has a home. Deserves to exist.

To be a monster is to be a thing that doesn’t fit, or, more directly, to be a monster is to be a thing that is unaccepted. Rejected for not fitting. Unworthy of love, from within, or without.

At the end of the day, I know, factually, I am not a monster. I know that I’m a real person. I know that I deserve dignity and respect and love, even if only from myself. I’m not owed another person to love me just to prove that I can be, but, also, no man is an island; as humans we seek each other one way or another, romantically or platonically. That’s a fact of anyone, not just people who struggle to see a real person when they look at their reflection.

And yet, at this same time, I can’t help but feel betrayed, left behind, when the narrative goes that if the monster does everything right its reward is to be shaped into the likeness of a Real Human Being. Because you can’t just pull a feathered skin off me and make me like I “should be”, like my various diagnoses and self-identifications all present me as an aberration from. If you showed me a me without any of those qualities, that’s honestly the thing I’m the most afraid of, a me without me. A Miss Perfect who’s a good, normative daughter, and in my insecurity I wonder if people would like her so much better than me that they wouldn’t miss if I was gone.

Which, that’s nonsense. I know a lot of people who care about me the way I am. But nobody ever said fears had to be rational.

At the end of the day, as much as I hate the idea of being a monster to others, I also relish the notion of qualities that are categorized as monsters. I love dragons. I love putting big, horrible teeth and leering eyes and wings and claws on heroic characters. Because brought into the light, qualities are just qualities. And if you bring those qualities into the favoring, soft light of stories about human connection, romances, queerplatonic bonds, friendships and found family alike, those qualities can even be charming, alluring, inspiring; a character can look like anything and we still feel a rush of reassurance that this specific character is there.

And that’s the other side of Beauty and the Beast: Adam is running away from being a monster, and Belle is trying to run away from who she is, too. Because Belle is the other side of that trap.

Let’s be honest; it isn’t just that Belle’s an outspoken woman with opinions. It’s that she’s pretty. She’s the prettiest girl in town. She’s someone people want, people have expectations for- and those expectations have little room for what she actually wants. Hell, that’s one of the major dangerous driving forces of the climax- Adam nearly gets murdered by a mob because Belle made a choice that her community really didn’t like, especially Gaston, and it’s easy to point to Adam as the wrong choice because he’s pointy.

“Beauty”, as much as “The Beast”, are dehumanizing categories that people are sorted into. The doll and the monster. One is considered beneath monstrosity; beguiling, an object of appeal and desire but not someone with opinions, oh no, and not someone able to make a choice that you disagree with. People driven to the fringes by opposing forces but regardless find each other in the place they’re trying to find room to breathe in.

And that, I think, is one way some of these riffs can, for me personally, miss the point- and that’s not a mark against them, it’s just that there’s a specific thing I see in this story, and it’s very specifically not, “to be beautiful and desirable to mass public consumption is the way to be happy; we will have a story about how to rehabilitate someone so they can be beautiful too” but rather, “what does it mean when people stop seeing you as yourself, whether the alternative is perfection or a monster? what would you do to be seen clearly?”

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Ok so I had two diaries that I kind of switched in between depending on what I felt like I guess.

The entries from where I was 7-8 were kinda boring cause they’re so short and is just ”today I did this”. The only funny one was this one where I wanted to write my ”secrets”

”My secrets are like this.

1. I’m in love

2. I do things that everyone things my sister does.

Bye.”

Then when I turned 9 I immediately started with curly letters. At least to a beginning.

”Today I saw a musical. It was high* and I have a headache then. Give something better than a satan’s headache?! If it doesn’t go over I’ll die! Bye bye!”

*i think I meant it was loud, but I mixed up high and loud

Then we have this beef I had with a girl in my class that goes kind of brutal. I’m not gonna erase their names as you’re not gonna know who they are anyway

”Today Johan (my brother) turned 5. He only got star wars. But he was happy anyway. Hehe… In school (basically) nothing happened. Except that Nina was mean to Felicie, so she came to me and cried.”

”I don’t remember why but it was something with basketball. Like Nina said that Felicie was bad or something.

Stupid Nina! Tonight I’m gonna dream that we murder her!”

I actually remember I had such a beef with Nina, I remember vividly when were on the swings and I told her I wondered how they made cartoons, to which she replied ”are you still watching cartoons? 🤨” and then proceeded to walk away, not wanting to associate with a 10 year old that *gasps* likes CARTOONS. She also commented about my tics that I had back then and said ”I don’t believe you’re doing it because you can’t help it. I think you’re doing it for attention.”

So yeah. I get why I drew her dead. But we were 10, so hopefully she’s matured now.

One of the most interesting things is when I created a character that lived in my bed…

”I’m feeling great. How about you? Do you know what? Tonight I heard a laughter. A laughter only one can laugh as… a girl! 11 year old, 3 months, 8 days and 16 hours old… pimples. Glasses. A book about chemistry. Green eyes and pink overalls. Wonder who. She wants me something. I see her. Feel her. It’s…

”No. It’s too hard. She told me she isn’t named anything. Then we need to come up one. What do you think of Neleyj? Yes, good name! Neleyj, you’re gonna be my personal best friend!”

(I think I wanted to go for ”Nelly” but spell it ”in a funny way”… Also I DIDN’T EVEN DRAW HER IN OVERALLS)

Anyway here’s where it gets… interesting.

”Neleyj is nice. Pretty cute, actually… hihi! She sleeps in my bed at night and we tell each other everything every second. We are like each other’s imaginary friends. But I am almost in love with her…. But if I can make her a boy. Yes, I can!”

”There we go! My future husband. We can call him… Morganius! Also called Marf. Me and Marf are gonna have so much fun!”

(I never mentioned Marf again. Also I have no idea what the drawing I titled ”shema” means.)

Anyway, when I read this I’m like…….. Sara….. SARA…. SARA….

We’re gonna end with an entry I wrote when I was 11! One of the last ones. I only wrote ”2014” and no day date. It must be around early 2014 because I’m still in 5th grade and I turned 12 in december.

”Super super long ago!

I found a passion for drawing. It’s really fun! And the tv-show Violetta. It’s super funny!

It’s Friday!”

I’m starting to recognize myself.

I have a diary from 6th-9th grade but I tbh don’t think it’s as funny. Or maybe. We’ll see.

Does anyone want to see my diary entries from when I was 7-10 years old I’m howling